#lets be real with each other here

[blackgirlcinephiles]

Warning: Long post

Regarding Keke Palmer and the colorism conversation…

I feel like people are never entirely honest with themselves about how colorism functions not just in Hollywood, but in all facets of life in the US.

Keke Palmer has had an objectively successful career with a VERY impressive resume to her name.

And Zendaya is an objectively talented actress who is deserving of all of her accolades.

But to me, the conversation around colorism, like with racism, has never been about capability or achievement. It’s about opportunity. Which individuals among us are given the opportunity, the visibility, the push that will send them to bigger heights, regardless of talent?

It’s about how skin color and other physical features shape the type of treatment we receive in society. Everything from length of prison sentences to experiences in the dating market are shaped by colorism. There are several studies that prove this and provide deeper context, just look it up.

And I don’t say this to make anyone feel bad or push a cynical narrative about the possibilities available for darker skinned people, but I seriously want us to be real and honest about the society we live in and how shit plays out.

There’s a reason Viola Davis was called “less classically beautiful” while Halle Berry was once named People’s Most Beautiful Woman.

Again, these are both gorgeous, talented Black women who have given us so much in their careers. Who have both had to face obstacles due the fact of their Blackness. But let’s be honest, colorism & featurism have also had a hand in shaping the trajectories of their careers and the type of opportunities/roles they received.

Viola Davis has spoken at length in several interviews about how transformative an opportunity like HTGAWM was for her. And mind you, it was an opportunity created by another Black woman, our beloved Ms. Shonda Rhimes.

Over the last few years, we’ve seen Keke Palmer’s popularity and recognition grow beyond the Black community due to the wonderful memes and pop culture moments she has given us, often during her personal interviews and hosting gigs.

And Nope, is her first big, mainstream, feature role in her adulthood. An opportunity created for her by another beloved Black creative, Jordan Peele.

The reason I’m emphasizing opportunity and the creation of opportunity is because I already know of three other Black creatives at the decision making level who have said they had to fight for the presence of their dark skinned characters.

Mara Brock Akil did a panel where she said she had to fight for Jill Marie Jones’ place on Girlfriends.

Gina Prince Blythewood said she had to call out her producers after several attempts to diminish Kiki Layne’s character in The Old Guard.

Chris Rock said he had to fight for Tichina Arnold to play his mother on Everybody Hates Chris. A role, which I might add, made her wildly famous in Brazil for being one of the few positive representations of dark skinned Black women in Brazilian television.

In all of these examples, it is Black creatives in decision making roles making opportunities for their dark-skinned talent specifically.

It’s not about Jill Marie Jones, Tichina Arnold, or Kiki Layne being less talented, or less accomplished, or less personally satisfied with their career trajectories. It’s about fewer opportunities being there because mainstream Hollywood still has a paper bag test for Black women.

It’s because the Black actresses often deemed palatable enough to sell to/pull in mainstream audiences often look like Halle Berry or, in this conversation, Zendaya. Who is both fair skinned and modelesque in stature. Zendaya herself has commented on being Hollywood’s “acceptable Black girl.”

It’s not a coincidence, as someone on twitter pointed out, that Zendaya has 149 million followers while Keke has just reached 11 million. That’s the difference in their mainstream popularity. That is what is influencing the opportunities that come to them.

Because let’s also get into how casting directors are also checking the social media stats of their actors nowadays. Bigger engagement on social media means bigger potential interest from audiences. And we should already know by now how colorism and featurism works for Black people on social media. We should all know that, right?

Acknowledging these things and having these conversations, does nothing to take away from the talents or achievements of any of these actors. Yet people always seem to act like it does, which is why people get defensive, and colorism conversation never actually goes anywhere.

Two things can be true at once. Zendaya is an objectively talented actress who has an incredibly promising career ahead of her. And she has also likely benefitted from colorism and featurism in her career trajectory.

Keke Palmer is an incredibly talented entertainer with a LONG and enviable resume. And #Nope is her breakout leading role in a mainstream blockbuster as an adult, and colorism/anti-Blackness may be a reason why this opportunity came to her later in her career by comparison.

If we can’t be honest about colorism and how it works, then we can’t call it out when we see it happen, we can’t hold folks accountable and nothing will ever change.

Colorism, like racism, like all -isms, is always happening, so there will never be a time where we shouldn’t talk about it. Where it isn’t at least a possible factor at play. And these discussions don’t have to mean that we’re putting anyone down or pitting anyone against each other.

It’s about knowing better so that we can do better.

[snivel1]

Kinito in the computer of a person in an abusive family.

Horror&blood warning under the cut!

Transcript of the intentionally hard to read text:

"Friend! I made sure to give them a good talking to! They won't bother you ever again!"

[manderleyfire]

SYDNEY: Good? RICHIE: Yeah. Great.

[charcubed]

oh everyone and their DISCLAIMERS about how “lokius will never be canon because disney and marvel are awful, but”........ well I have nothing to lose so. fuck disclaimers! this is my idea of fun! what if it CAN and WILL be canon, huh? what if the story is gonna go where it seems to be headed. what if I say they’re going to kiss on international streaming television. who’s gonna stop me

[inchidentally]

~you construct rituals of competition with another man as an outlet for feelings you do not want to name or fully understand~

[cuubism]

Zero [complex math verse]

cw for disordered eating eating disorder storylines can be very triggering so please mind this content warning as it applies heavily to the entire fic

---

Hob is almost to his data structures section—running a bit late, as per usual—when he gets a call from Death. He picks up as he’s rushing up the stairs to the Comp Sci building.

“Hey, Hob,” she says before Hob can even tell her that he only has like thirty seconds to talk, actually. She sounds fatigued. “Can you go pick up Dream from the Maths building?”

Hob pins the phone between his shoulder and ear as he tugs open the door. “‘Pick him up’? Is he okay?”

“He asked me to come get him, but I can’t leave this patient right now.” Hob can imagine her leaning against the wall, hand pressed to her forehead. Why didn’t Dream call him?, Hob wonders. He’s usually much more available than Death, at this hour. “I asked if he wanted an ambulance, and he said no, but if you can’t go get him then—”

“Wait, wait.” Hob stops in the middle of the hall, stomach swooping. Someone walking behind him swears as they have to swerve to avoid hitting him, but he ignores it. “An ambulance? I thought you said he was okay.”

But... she hadn’t said that exactly, had she?

“He will be,” Death says, which doesn’t fill Hob with much confidence. But he turns around and heads back for the door, heartbeat picking up with each step.

“I’m going now, I’m not far.” The undergrads are just going to have to cope with not having discussion section today. He doubts they’ll be too unhappy about it.

“Thanks,” says Death, with relief. “Text me when you find him? And you should bring some food, if you have it.”

Oh.

Fuck.

Hob had been afraid something like this would happen. But he can’t exactly force Dream to pick up better habits. Horses and water, and all that.

“Yeah, yeah, I will, thanks,” he says, and walks faster.

Hob is going to be upset with him.

The thought circles Dream’s mind as he sits crumpled on the bench outside the classroom he’d been working in, head on his knees, hands clasped behind his neck. Nothing feels real. Everything is spinning and swaying. He might pass out. He might throw up. He hates throwing up. Hob is going to be upset with him.

It’s exactly what he was trying to avoid by calling his sister instead. Death will be upset with him, too, but she’s chastised him before. Dream is used to it. The same words coming from Hob will be a different matter.

He should have known that she would be busy, and would call Hob. Even if she could come to get him she would likely call Hob after. He should have known. He sits with his head pressed to his knees and waits for the inevitable.

Either Hob was very close by, or more time slips past Dream’s notice than he realizes, but it feels like only a few minutes before he hears Hob’s footsteps coming quickly down the hall. He doesn’t know what it means that he can recognize Hob’s footsteps. Or that Hob had known which classroom to go to. The one Dream always prefers to work in.

“Dream?” Hob crouches in front of him, trying to meet his eyes, but Dream can’t lift his head from his knees. It’s the only thing keeping the world from tipping over on him. Hob lays a hand on his arm. “Hey, love. What’s going on?”

“‘m dizzy,” Dream murmurs, voice small. He hadn’t realized how much his shoulders were shaking until Hob touched him. He thinks that’s distress more than physical shakiness. But Hob’s presence soothes him more than he’d expected. Even if Hob chews him out, he doesn’t want Hob to leave. He wants Hob to hold him. He just wants Hob to hold him.

“Okay.” Hob’s voice is quiet and calm. He brushes Dream’s hair behind his ear, though it’s not long enough for that to do much. “Sit up for me for a sec? I’ll help you.”

Dream is helpless but to follow Hob’s voice. He starts to sit up. His vision is still spinning. Hob wraps an arm around his middle and bodily lifts him up until he’s leaning back against the wall, then sits beside him on the bench, their thighs touching.

He meets Hob’s gaze. Hob is close enough that he doesn’t appear to waver as much as everything in the background. He looks beautiful, he’s a savior, an angel.

Dream’s brain is not working very normally right now. Not that it ever is.

Hob looks more concerned than angry with him. But Dream doesn’t have much time to study his expression before he’s turning to dig in his bag and pull out his water bottle. He uncaps it and hands it to Dream.

“Drink that. At least half of it. Slow.”

He goes back to digging in his bag as Dream sips the water carefully. Hob is very steady, underneath the concern. No panic. Good in a crisis, Hob. That’s interesting.

Hob watches him drink the water, then hands him a package of cheese crackers he’d pulled out of his bag. Despite himself, Dream laughs, weakly, as he takes it. “Do you always have food with you?”

“You’re not the only one who forgets to eat lunch, I just accommodate for it.”

‘Forgetting’ is… not exactly it, Dream thinks as he picks open the package and takes a cracker, eating it slowly. He still feels more nauseous than hungry, but he knows Hob won’t let it be until he eats it.

No, he has witnessed Hob skip a meal when in the throes of some engaging problem, but he always makes up for it later. Or by carrying around snacks, apparently. Whereas with Dream… it is not exactly forgetting.

He eats the crackers one by one, mechanically. Barely tasting them. Fortunately, the food cuts the edge of nausea in his stomach instead of exacerbating it, and he no longer thinks he’s in imminent danger of throwing up. Or passing out. That would certainly upset Hob.

“There you go, love,” Hob soothes him. “That’s better, isn’t it?”

Hob could have gone into the medical field instead if he wanted to, Dream thinks, somewhat deliriously, swallowing his final cheese cracker. His bedside manner is very good.

Or perhaps this is just because it’s Dream.

The thought makes him want to cry, but he doesn’t. He just stays still as the world starts spinning a little less, and Hob takes the water bottle and empty snack package back and shoves them in his bag, then tugs on Dream’s arm.

“Alright, why don’t you lie down.”

“This is a public hallway,” Dream complains, albeit weakly.

Hob sighs in exasperation. “We’ve slept on classroom tables before. Besides, this is a university, everybody’s seen weirder shit in public than this. Lie down.”

Dream acquiesces, and Hob guides him to lie down on the bench, his head on Hob’s lap. It’s pleasant, like that, and the world spins less and less. Hob pets his hair, and Dream closes his eyes.

“Are you going to make me go to A&E?” he murmurs, after a few moments of quiet.

“Depends how you feel in twenty minutes or so.” He sighs, and there’s a shake to it. “But I think you’ll be okay, love. Just give it a moment.”

Dream will be okay, until Hob decides he’s recovered enough to chastise him for his behavior. For now, he just lies there quietly and enjoys the settling feeling of Hob’s hands in his hair.

Hob doesn’t ask him what he did to himself, or why. Perhaps he’s judged Dream too tired or incapacitated to talk about it right now. He just keeps steadying Dream, quietly, his hands ever-moving.

When several minutes have passed, Hob asks, “How are you feeling, darling? Do you want to go home?”

Darling. Hob calls him such sweet things when Dream is nothing but difficult to him. “I would like to go home. Please.”

Hob helps him sit up, bracing an arm around his shoulders. But the room, thankfully, has stopped spinning. He gets Dream to his feet, and Dream doesn’t sway. Hob picks up both his bag and Dream’s from the floor and slips them over his shoulder. He wraps an arm around Dream’s waist. And silently, relieved to be standing again, Dream follows Hob home.

~~

Dream’s flat is closer to campus, so Hob takes him there, gets him settled on the couch and makes tea and pushes a box of biscuits into Dream’s hands, and all this before even telling Dream off for his behavior. Dream is not a child, he knows perfectly well how much sustenance a body needs to sustain it, he knows that it is unwise to go without eating, so why doesn’t Hob tell him so? Chastise him for his foolishness?

Dream sits curled up on the couch. Turning the box of biscuits over and over in his hands, unopened. Finally, Hob sits beside him with his own tea.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.

Dream can’t manage to get himself to open the biscuits. He sets the box in his lap, but picks up his tea as a compromise that will hopefully ease Hob’s worries. It does not work, based on Hob’s expression as he watches him do it. Dream sips his tea anyway. Hob’s put a lot of honey into it. Correctly deducing that Dream hasn’t had enough sugar or anything else today.

Instead of responding, he tears up.

Hob puts both of their mugs back on the coffee table and pulls him into his arms.

Dream presses his face into Hob’s shoulder. Tucks his hands in against the warmth of Hob’s body, pressed between his back and the couch. Crawls halfway into his lap. Hob wraps his arms around him and holds him close. Dream feels like his soul is pattering around and only staying contained by the boundaries created by Hob’s body. He doesn’t know what that feeling is.

Hob strokes his hair, murmurs against the shell of his ear, shh darling, it’s okay. Dream is a pathetic cowering creature soothed by Hob’s touch. That feeling. It’s fear. He’s scared. Scared of himself. That he can lose such control while grasping so tightly for it.

“Thank you,” he finally manages, something he should have said earlier, but means more than he can say, “for coming.”

“You could have called me, you know.” It’s not accusatory, but a little hurt. “It’s okay if you’d rather have Death, just—”

“It is not that. I—” He pulls back to see Hob’s face. Hob wipes the tears from his cheeks. “Death has told me her feelings on the matter before. I was… apprehensive to hear yours.” Death, also, has seen Dream at lower points than this. She can hardly think less of him. The same is not true of Hob.

Hob looks sad to hear this. “My feelings are that I’m concerned. Did you eat anything today?”

“…No.”

“What about yesterday?”

Dream thinks. He must have, surely? “I think so.”

“I can make you stuff, you know,” Hob says. “Whatever you want. I don’t mind.”

This is the last thing Dream wants. For Hob to think this is somehow his fault.

“If you’re forgetting I can just come get you whenever I’m eating,” Hob continues. He’s only growing more distressed at Dream’s silence.

How can Dream tell Hob, who cares so much and wants to help, that he does this on purpose? That he doesn’t forget that he’s hungry, but rather ignores it? Or worse, relishes in it? That he has done so for a long time. That it makes him feel sharper. In control of himself.

That once broken, habits are, it turns out, very hard to pick up again. Even when that habit is eating.

“It is not so simple, I’m afraid,” he says, ducking his head.

“No, I guess it wouldn’t be.” Hob bites his lip, looking away. “Why, then? I want to help you, but I don’t…”

“It makes me feel better,” Dream says. “Until it doesn’t.”

Like today. He pushed too far. But it’s only when he does go too far that the reality of what he’s doing comes back to him. It’s easy to forget, when he is used to it.

Ironically, he knows from experience that it will be easier to eat better in the next few days, now that he’s shocked himself back to reality. It will be easier, until he slips again. He doesn’t know how not to slip.

When he finally looks back up, Hob is already looking at him again. He looks sad. Dream doesn’t want him to be sad.

Hob takes Dream’s jaw in his hand, strokes his thumb over Dream’s lower lip. “You scared me, seeing you like that.”

Dream should probably apologize for his behavior. Instead, all he can do is lean in again to press his forehead against Hob’s. He knows Hob wants to fix it, to offer solutions, but all Dream really wants is his touch. Hob’s touch fixes more for him than anything else.

“I’m gonna stay over,” Hob says, cradling the back of his head. “And we’re going to have dinner.”

It is, in fact, almost dinnertime, Dream realizes. No wonder he felt overcome, after having nothing until now. Hob will insist on him having something, he knows. It still feels… strange. To be having something.

He tucks his face into Hob’s neck. “Very well.”

“Will you eat some of it?” Hob asks, petting his hair again, tugging the short strands between his fingers. Dream thinks it must be soothing to him to do so.

“Yes,” he says. “However. I don’t want you to think that this is your responsibility to fix.” Or that you can. Hob is very very good at taking things apart and fixing problems, but if he digs his hands into this one he is going to get his fingers jammed in the unsteady gears of Dream’s brain. He is only going to get hurt in trying.

“Maybe not,” says Hob, and, like he heard what Dream didn’t say, continues, “but I can feed you one meal so let’s start with that?”

Does Hob understand how much comfort he brings? Can he possibly?

“I love you,” Dream murmurs, almost unintelligible for how close he’s pressed himself to Hob’s body.

Hob kisses his head. “I love you, too, my darling.”

He bundles Dream closer so their limbs are all tangled together. Dream loves that, how he can feel each pressure point where they touch. “Will you tell me more about it? When you feel up to it. The more I get how you feel, the more I can help you.”

As a child, Dream’s favorite number was zero. Some mathematicians would insist zero was not actually a number, but rather the absence of one. That was exactly what Dream liked about it. The nothing defined by the everything around it. Zero was foundational, and yet it was not even properly there at all.

Sometimes Dream felt like zero. The less he ate the more he felt it. It was easier to be nothing than to let the everything in.

“You are insistent upon trying to help me,” Dream says.

“Yup.”

“Because,” Dream realizes, with a hard swallow, “you love me.”

“Exactly. You get it.”

Dream twists their fingers together and squeezes. If Dream is zero, Hob is like infinity, so boundless that he can’t help but let it engulf him.

Perhaps one day Dream will be able to explain it all to him in better words than that.

[un-pearable]

wu in the pilots, sacrificing himself so kai and nya can escape: surely this is a one time thing and will not model an extremely unhealthy behavior in all of my ninja

wu:

[elvisqueso]

Love me, love my raccoon [Part 3/3]:

—Meeko's new favorite human <3

[dreamofbecoming]

i love bisexual eddie munson, but specifically in like a shang from mulan kind of way, you know? like he knew he liked boys, that made sense. just another way he’s different from everyone else, just another reason he’s a freak. so why bother examining it? he’s gay, hawkins hates him, might as well lean into it. maybe chrissy was the first time a girl made him feel butterflies (or bats?) in his stomach, and it confused him so bad he didn’t know what the hell to do about it except make a fool of himself flirting with the queen. maybe he took one look at nancy wheeler with a sawed off and went “yeah ok holy shit i get it, i see why steve was willing to burn his life down for her and why robin keeps making moon eyes at her and why jonathan lost his mind and pointed his camera through steve’s window like an insane person.” like he’s still into steve, obviously. the man is swanning about shirtless and bloody in an apocalyptic wasteland like the embodiment of all of eddie’s weirdest fantasies, there’s no way he’s not into steve. but i just love the idea of eddie being the one going through an Upside Down sexuality crisis (TM) rather than steve. what is happening to him?? why does he suddenly want to kiss everyone??? get it together munson you are running from a goddamn mob!!!

[starpirateee]

i would actually die for a owen and curt both join chimera au!! ur writing is incredible and i desperately need more of it for my blorbos <3

One of these days you anons are gonna have to tell me who you are so we can talk (/nf /hj) cos you guys have some BANGER ideas

oh and, uh, please don't actually die? I'm gonna need you back here to read this thing you got me excited over 👀

[ February, 1959 ]

He was assigned the agent who almost got away. An American with a name that struck a little bit too much of a chord.

Mega.

They'd finally caught Mega. Part of him hated to think that Curt was next on their ever expanding list of potential hires, because if they failed, that would likely be the end of agent Curt Mega, and not only how the world knew him. But that thought and all of the others were drowned out rather fiercely by the vast majority of his mind that was glad that they finally had the chance to take him down a notch.

Curt wasn't conscious when Owen entered the room. It gave him enough time to survey him and the injuries he'd already sustained trying to fight them. All things considered, he seemed to have been putting up a fairly substantial resistance, but Owen quietly supposed that such confidence wouldn't last him much longer. They were supposed to be sending the man currently under the guise of deadliest man alive after him. If Curt hadn't caved before then, he'd surely be in for a world of pain.

Owen leaned against the wall in wait, folding his arms over his chest. By the end of 1957, he barely recognised the parts of himself that he couldsee, and resented that which he couldn't. These days, the inconsistencies in his body- the pale flashes of skin, the constant ringing or low throbbing in his ears, and even the way they'd had to force one of his hands to cooperate with the rest of his person, leaving him with a stiff tremor- felt more or less neutral. They were slightly outdated pieces in an otherwise well oiled and perfectly running machine, and he had that machete weilding assassin to thank for most of that.

He didn't know how to deal with that which was wrong with his body, so most of the time, he simply… Didn't. It was easier that way.

Curt's eyes opened, and he tried to get used to the world again. It had been the same scene for- days? Weeks? He didn't know how long exactly, but the more times he woke up in it, the less he had to force himself to get used to it.

There was one thing different this time. One thing that, when he saw it's tall frame casting him an all too familiar glance from across the room, startled him to no end. Of all the times… Of all the times he really needed his mind to cooperate, it did something like this and screwed him all over again.

"Oh god. Oh god… Not now…" His voice was raspy and so quiet it was almost a whisper. He was begging the universe not to make him see Owen. Of all the times for his ghost to show up uninvited and take up that aching part of his brain, now was probably the worst of all. He cursed under his breath, willing the pain of the past to just leave him alone for once. "God, Mega, pull yourself together! He's not even real!"

Owen huffed a breath of laughter. Not real? That was a new one… What was going on in Curt's head to make him believe he wasn't real? Why was that his first response?

He pushed himself up off the wall, deciding to put this notion of his to the test. He looked Curt right in the eye as he approached, making sure to keep his gaze intent and focused, and then slapped him across the face. Curt gasped, recoiled, and then his eyes went wide.

"Is that real enough for you, Curt?" Owen hummed, straightening himself up and clasping his hands behind his back. That had been two years in the making. He was surprised it wasn't harder…

"Owen..? That- that's not possible… You're-"

"Dead?" Owen scoffed. "So you seem to believe… But did you ever think to verify that for yourself?"

"I watched you fall. I-I watched you hit the ground." Curt could feel the heat spreading across his now tingling cheek. This was real, alright. Owen was real, and right in front of him, and alive. Owen- this real, not-inside-his-head Owen- had just slapped him right across the face like this wasn't the first time they were seeing each other in two years or more. All of this was actually happening, right there in the hands of the enemy.

Owen was in the hands of the enemy.

Owen… Was the enemy.

"You didn't ever take it further, did you? You just assumed I was dead right from the off, and you never took it further!" He shook his head, somewhere between offended and completely unsurprised. On one hand, did he really expect anything else? Curt wasn't the type to go back to anything, and that shouldn't have been surprising in the slightest. Still, he was a little disappointed, now having to force himself to understand that everything they'd tried to tell him was right. Curt was a coward. Curt did leave him for dead out there, and he didn't have an intention to return.

He'd managed to convince himself for a while that Curt wouldn't possibly leave him to suffer in the ways he had. Even at the time, that was no more than an attempt at self regulation, trying to pretend that one day, Curt would follow the end of a trail that led him straight back to him, and he could leave the pain behind…

Of course, that day never had come.

Curt watched his eyes cloud over with something that may have been a slight of genuine heartbreak, and felt his stomach drop. "Why are you here?"

"Thanks to you, both the American government and my own believe I'm rather dead. After that, there weren't a lot of other options." Owen answered, as bluntly as he could manage.

"You can't be saying-" But, no matter how hard he protested, it was his fault. And even he knew it. Every single step in this catastrophic failure had been his fault. He sighed. Even the fact that Owen could no longer live or work in the UK or the US because he was legally dead… That was his fault too. "Don't answer that. What do you want from me?"

"I want you to see some sense. We want nothing from you, so to speak, just enough of a chance to make our proposals?"

"You're crazy if you think I'm gonna cave just because it's you."

"I didn't expect you to have a bias just because we have a history. I know how hard a man you are to break."

Owen's eyes still burned with that same passion that they always had. Golden shimmers burst through the burnt caramel of his irises, and it felt like he knew them so well. It was distressingly familiar, and devastatingly handsome.

"But, all the same," Owen continued, voice not half as alive as his eyes. He took a well thought out step back, and started to pace. Curt heard his every step as they resonated through his ears, sending tiny shivers up his spine time and time again. "You know how I refuse to compromise."

The pacing stopped for long enough for Curt to nod, and then began again. In trying to ignore it, he dared himself to get a little confident. "Go on, then. Draw me in with the same bullshit they forced into you. I'm all fucking ears..."

"That's what you don't understand. What we're trying to create, it could change your life. This world isn't built for men like us, and you know it. Doesn't matter how hard you fight, the federal governments are never going to change their stance."

"You don't know that—"

"I do. Nothing will change if we don't force the change out of them. What you're doing is fine, as far as these things go... But, Curt... What happens when your agency finds out about your affilations?"

"They won't."

"What, ever? You're careful enough for now, and my death certainly helped with that aspect of things, but you do realise that the second they find out- in fact, the second they even start to suspect you- you're going straight to death row. That wouldn't be the case if the plan came into fruition, you understand..."

Owen passed through Curt's line of sight, and he scoffed, forcing the Brit to stop in his tracks. In a moment, his gaze was back on him, and Curt felt the intensity of it as it weighed heavy on him. This kind of unbridled confidence and sudden slights of anger had only been seen in the most calculating of adversaries, but Curt had never thought to believe he'd see it ignited in the face of someone like Owen.

"You sound mad. You know that?"

"Mad?" Owen raised an eyebrow, his head tilting as if he were trying to consider Curt's accusation. "Right... Is it mad to want what everyone else has? You're the one of us from the self proclaimed land of the free, and you're telling me you don't want a slice of that freedom?"

"No, I-"

"A straight answer, please, Curt. You beat around the bush more than a bloody politician. do you, or do you nor, want to be a free man, without the repercussions of people knowing who you are?"

There was a beat of silence. Not like Curt needed to think about it, but the last thing he wanted to do was show any ounce of desperation, especially not in front of Owen. He didn't deserve the satisfaction of knowing he was right, not in any capacity. So, he baited him for a moment, testing the possibility of saying no in his head.

But the truth was as plain as either of them could make it without words. He wanted to be free so badly. He wanted a life without repercussions, without the need to hie any one part of himself from everyone, for fear that they'd have his head if they found out.

It was mainly just the fact that Owen had called him a politician...

"Yes. Yes, I wanna be free. But not like this."

"Not like what? You have no idea of what we are capable. Nobody will care by the time we're finished. We will be on top of the world."

Curt didn't want to believe a word, but Owen was so convincing in his own way. He made this freedom sound both easy and attainable, when he knew it was anything but. When they had been fighting for so long, how was Owen and his organisation so sure that everything was going to change, just like that?

He suddenly felt confident enough to put into words what he had been thinking since Owen first started making his proposal. He looked up, registering that Owen was still there in front of him. "Do they know about you?"

Owen froze momentarily, drawing in a breath. Curt managed to convince himself that this was the edge, this was the one thing he had over him and everything he was saying, however tempting it was to listen to. Eventually, Owen sighed, but he had the pride enough to not drop his gaze through the defeat that was so evidently- and yet so briefly- written across his face.

"No. They don't."

"So, why'd you think they would accept people like us? You make out like it's easy, but you don't know! You don't know whether these plans will accomodate everything wrong with the world, because you've never bothered to try and find out!"

The risk was too great. It always had been. Owen knew for a fact that the more they knew about him, the more they could expose. All things considered, he had somehow managed to remain a closed book, even here. They only knew anything at all about him as an operative, very little about the man behind that aim, that laser focus... If presented with the opportunity, they may have known more, but they had been rather built on the idea that all secrets would be exposed in their time, and therefore, anything their agents were keeping would also leak from the woodwork.

"The way the system works," he started to explain, partly aware that Curt would buy it even less now that he'd found that edge. "We wouldn't be the ones in the public eye. All over the world, those who turn thousands in profits, and those who keep their secrets tight, will be forced into watching everything be exposed, piece by piece. The people's focus will be there; reams of government secrets and endless, publically available data, and it'll be people like us who will revel in the change."

"But how do you know that?"

"Because I've seen it. I know what they're going to do with it. Think of what they could pull from the secret service, for example. Tell me you believe the public will still have their attention on men like us, when everything that the secret service has kept hidden is suddenly on the record."

This was the kind of back and forth that happened every time Owen and Curt saw each other again. Owen would get closer and closer to genuinely moving Curt, and Curt would become less and less convinced that he was going to leave this place. For some reason, he still felt completely familiar in Owen's presence, and it became harder to ignore what he was saying.

It came to the point where he started realising that he was being offered everything he'd ever wanted. Owen's silver tongue had him convinced that whatever was going to happen in the long run was going to be an improvement on the world's current state. He got in easier. His words started having more of an effect.

Curt was a recruit under Chimera by the end of the month.

[bumblingbabooshka]

On s'est déjà tout dit Et j'ai déjà tout vu Je l'ai déjà apprise, la leçon la plus dure J'suis tombé droit dans l'mur, une fois, deux fois

[We've already said everything and I've already seen it all. I've already learned it, the hardest lesson. I fell straight into the wall, once, twice.]

[vampirepunks]

I love that Death Stranding’s core message is essentially, “life is worth living and people are worth loving.” It’s easy to get lost in the details of its universe + characters and thus lose sight of that.

Death Stranding argues that life is worthwhile to fight for even if the world will inevitably end, because we’re still here. That people are worthy of empathy even if they’ve done horrible things, because it was their own suffering and moral efforts that led them there.

Die-Hardman was complicit in the murder of Cliff Unger and the causes of the Last Stranding. He can be forgiven because he loved Cliff and Bridget, never forgave himself, and dedicated his life to trying to make the world better, the only ways he knew how.

Higgs killed thousands and tried to end the world. He can be forgiven because he wasn’t of sound mind and is an abuse victim who never had a real opportunity to be better than he was.

Amelie sacrificed mothers and children for her own ends, and abused the two men who loved her the most. She can be forgiven because she can’t connect with human experience and made the selfless choice to be the sacrifice so humanity could have another chance.

Coffin was a terrorist that abandoned her daughter and radicalized a desperate, lonely young man into a life of violence. She can be forgiven because she believed it was necessary for the greater good, she took accountability for the harm she caused, and she loved those two kids more than anything else in the world.

The game doesn’t require you to forgive its characters, but it invites you to. It provides you with the reasons every given character became the way they are, and leaves it open to the player’s judgment. It asks, “maybe it wasn’t right, but can you understand?” It says, yes, this character did some very bad things, but can you love them anyway? Will you try?

DS argues that disconnection and isolation comes from a shortage of fellow empathy. That’s probably why Kojima went out of his way to retcon Higgs’ story and make his tragedy even more empathetic than it originally was. DS’s answer to social problems isn’t “be better,” it’s “learn how to forgive.”

Hell is other people. Heaven is each other.

[starry-nights12]

Excuse me, sir.

But what EXACTLY are YOU staring at???🤨🤨🤨🤨

[thedreadvampy]

My housemate is moving out in January

She told us this a week or two ago, when she sat down and, after sitting with us watching TV for over an hour, said "hey so I bought a house and I'm moving out. We agreed on 2 months notice so I won't move until the end of January."

The last time she talked in the immediate terms about buying a house was in 2021, when the sale she was working on fell though and she was unemployed so it was a "when I'm back in a position to look I'll start looking again." Since then I've occasionally asked her how she's doing on the house buying front and she's been like "oh I'm getting there financially" but hasn't mentioned anything concrete.

She didn't tell us she was looking at places. She didn't tell us she had put in an offer. She told us when the offer was finalised. A week AFTER she emailed the letting agent about getting out of her part of the lease. And, it increasingly feels like, only because the letting agent's response was that we had to agree to change the lease.

The letting agent's response (which our housemate obviously didn't copy us into; we had to follow up separately and they copied us into the email chain) also includes that when we change the lease, they're empowered to change the rent, quote, "no cap". Rent was already going up in January - there's no possibility of Sam and I paying her share of the rent.

The really fucking upsetting thing is we're not strangers. This isn't a casual "housemate we found on flatshare" thing. She and Sam have lived together literally their entire adult lives. Me and her have known each other well over a decade. I lived in her and Sam's flat when I was homeless. We were the first people she came out to as trans. We're not super close but I thought we were fucking friends. And she's literally gone out of her way to not talk to us about this for what must have been months while the sale completed - which means she's lied to my face at least once cause I've asked her about her finances in that time (cause she's in a job she hates that she only took to get the house money, so it's like. when we've been commiserating about work stuff I'm often asking 'are you almost free?'). she literally went out of her way to talk to the letting agents before talking to us about putting us in a situation where we could lose our fucking home.

And she keeps. trying. to pretend nothing's happened. Every time I've seen her since then she's not mentioned anything or apologised or anything, she just keeps chatting away and offering hugs and fistbumps like nothing's happened. Like we're still fucking friends.

All it would take for us to still be friends and to be happy for her would have been one fucking sentence in the groupchat like "hey, just put an offer in on a house" or "I'm looking at properties, just so you know, that might happen in the next few months". Like nobody begrudges her for buying a house! It's very cool for her! She's 31 she's worked really hard to get the money I would love to be happy for her! Unfortunately she decided avoiding conflict is more important than giving the people she fucking LIVES WITH (who btw fronted her a month on the rent here while she was unemployed and agreed to take on a larger proportion of the move-in cost back in 2021, if we're still holding ourselves to shit we said 2.5 years ago), so no, you are not entitled to our friendship or to going back to normal.

like if she'd been honest with us it would have been something to process but we'd have had time to figure out our next steps. instead she's left us in a position where we have to find a new roommate before she gives her one month notice, which means finding someone by the end of December, which oh look that's the middle of the fucking Christmas holidays. and she didn't tell us anything until the START of December, or copy us into her conversation with the letting agent, meaning we still don't know what the rent on that space will be so we aren't yet in a position to advertise it. Has she offered to help find a roommate? Has she fuck. Has she offered to help out by moving her move-out date? Nah, she's moving as soon as she gets the keys because, quote, "that means her finances won't have to change". SOUNDS LOVELY. NOT HAVING YOUR FINANCES SUDDENLY CHANGE. I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY REASONABLE FUCKING GOAL.

Thirteen fucking years she's lived with Sam. Four fucking weeks over Christmas she's left us to figure out a way to not turbofuck our living situation. And she's got the fucking nerve to try and pretend we should be interacting like nothing's changed. Jesus Christ. What a fucking unhinged way to treat...anybody, honestly. never mind the friends-your-entire-adult-life part. literally cannot imagine a scenario in which I would buy a house without telling the people I lived with.

(haha actually this is what my parents divorced over so apparently it's not unusual. although at least my dad had the decency to tell the woman he shared finances with at the point he put in an offer not the point the fucking sale went through.)

Like we'll be fine. It's a huge city centre flat with decent rent and queer housemates, hopefully even when the rent goes up it'll be an easy sell in a city with a huge housing shortage and big queer community. We've got a couple of people interested already, sight unseen - worst case scenario we have to live with someone we don't get on with. And it's given Sam and me a push to look at our own finances and as of today, we've got a mortgage decision in principle and can start looking at flats in the area - mind, we'll be transparent upfront and tell any prospective housemates that yeah, we're looking to buy and move out in the next 6-12 months, and we'll tell them if we put an offer in, because we're decent fucking people who aren't going to spring that on someone out of the blue.

But it's been I think 2 weeks and I'm so fucking angry I could spit. It's such a fucking betrayal. And frankly you know selfishly like. I just had a breakup a couple of months ago, I'm in the middle of moving jobs, both me and Sam have a history of housing instability and this has been the first decent, stable, safe, not-mouldy not-freezing home I think any of us have had, and this is so fucking triggering and upscuttling I could just start biting. like I was talking to my friend about it last week and it's just like. Can I have One Fucking Thing of the three main tentpoles of survival - home, work, relationships - that are fucking stable right now? because shit has been In Flux lately. and at least the work and relationship stuff has changed because of my decisions. going through all that work to make myself short-term unstable to gain long-term stability has been really hard and draining and then just as I was reaching the crisis point with work stuff BOOM, IT'S HOUSING INSTABILITY WITH A STEEL CHAIR. fuck. seriously fuck this and fuck her. we're going to make something good come of it but what a deeply, unbelievably shitty thing to do.

[ancientschampionau]

RealAgeAU Drabble - Gameplan

Hello! Another Drabble (second one i wrote) concerning the idea of Nightmare returning to his original form (Lovely Prompt idea by @spotaus )

First Drabble here Prev drabble here Next Drabble here

This one is would be much later.

Ps, don't worry about how the gang captured- I MEAN! ... Found Nightmare again... Don't worry about it. They are figuring it out :3

(also I just decided to call is RealAgeAu for now. Because... It would be Nightmare's true age and stuff. Anyway. That out of the way. Drabble time)

Warning, unedited and unbeta'ed. We die like my ability to spell anything.

----

Cross checks around the corner towards the street and waits for a moment longer before nodding "I think we are in the clear. We can talk here for a moment."

Killer just lounges back against a dumpster as he pants "Good! Cuz! I am not walking another step!"

Horror frowns as he searches his backpack. Slowly taking out some fruits "We need to stop this. We can't get the resources we need like this."

Cross groans as he rubs his face "I know I know. But we can't just settle anywhere! How do we explain..." He stops and slowly turns to look to the side at Dust.

Dust sits completely calm on the gorund, cross legged. Looking perfectly calm and content. With the still struggling Nightmare in his arms. Dust just sits there and looks at Nightmare with a raised brow and moves around a bit. Easily getting Nightmare to sit back in his lap with one of Dust's arm holding Nightmare around the middle wiht both arms trapped. And the second arm around his shoulders to pull him back easily. Nightmare looks grumpy beyond believe and Cross can't take it too seriously as Nightmare lost all his goop and corruption. All that remains is a perfectly normal and adorable tiny babybones.

Cross turns back to Horror and Killer and waits.

Horror looks at the scene before shrugging before turning back to prepare a snack for their now tiny charge. Looking calm as he moves.

Killer snorts "Why would we? Boss is tiny now. So what?" and he shrugs.

Cross groans as he rubs his face. He can admit that he will still need some time to get used to the change. But it is okay as he can accept it. After they found the old picture book and the just as old crown they had been putting together what actually happened. And well, even if they sometimes act dumb three out of four of them have university degrees of some type and Cross had always been one of the smartest soldiers.

That together with the known fact that Drema broke out of the stone young but grew up made the fact obvious.

It wasn't that they were in a situation of Nightmare having been deaged. They were in the situation that the Nightmare they had known had been an aged-up version of the real nightmare. Which is the very same grumpy babybones that Dust is holding right now.

Yeah. Cross just needs a bit more time.

Cross glares at Killer and focusses at the issue they need to actually fix "We know that!" he waves around them "But how do you think anyone is going to react to knowing we have Nightmare and that Nightmare is well... like this again?"

Killer hums and nods "I guess..." he turns towards Nightmare "How about a different name? What do you think Nighty? What can we call you?"

Nightmare glares with all his six year old force "Boss."

Killer snorts "got it tiny boss!" and he grins at Cross and shrugs "Guess that idea is a burst. anything else?".

Cross groans as he rubs his skull "don't you see the issue?! If anyone finds out about this they will try to take him from us and bring him to the Stars, if they don't just call the Stars!" Or worse. And they will think that killing Nightmare would be a reasonable solution to keeping him from aging up.

Killer actually glares as he radiates his blood- and LOVE-lust "Let them try."

Cross sighs as he rubs his face "what do you suggest we do?!"

Killer huffs "Obviously we do what we are doing now. We keep moving and universe hopping." and he nods.

Horror looks up with a frown "We can't do that. We will run out of resources. babybones need nutrients" as he says this he sits by Dust and Nightmare with the cut fruits. Nightmare focuses his full glare on Horror but Horror doesn't even blink. They have gotten used to this routine over the last few days and there is a good reason Dust and Horror do it.

Dust nods as he helps Horror by aiming the still struggling babybones "Not to forget his schooling. Now that he is young again he will need to relearn things. Can't do that while hopping from place to place."

Cross turns back to Killer and crosses his arms "See? horror and Dust agree."

Killer grumbles. "Fine! We find some stupid positive universe to hunker down in some abandoned building and do raids to get stuff. Easy!"

Cross crosses his arms "Still the problem of what we do if someone sees him. How do we explain that? people will think we stole him!"

Killer goes to speak. pauses and tilts his skull "I mean. Technically we did kind of steal him. Sure he was originally our boss, so ours. So we have the right to steal him again but still. Very much stolen."

Cross sputters "I! I wasn't serious!" well he was but not about the stolen comment!

Horror speaks up even as he feeds Nightmare, which Ngihtmare tries to fight but Dust is there to assist him. "Technically it wasn't stealing."

Cross sighs "Thank you Horror-"

"We kidnaped him." Horror finishes his statement as he manages to get Nightmare to eat a bit. Nightmare actually pauses and the stubbornness makes way for the much younger mind that enjoys the food and a tiny soft purr starts to leave the babybones. He doesn't struggle as much anymore as the second bite is brought over.

Cross stops and lets his skull fall into his hands "we are so fucked."

All three speak up "Language."

Cross groans louder. They are so fucked.

---------

Prev part.

Next part.

[littencloud9]

collapses to the floor. does anyone have kunichuu fic recs