#life completely. but that’s also from other factors 😭

[werebutch]

My life the past couple years has mostly been made up of waiting for people in the car. Or driving people someplace. It kind of agonizes me to no end :(

[melonnabar]

MATT MURDOCK BPD STUDY??

From what I gauge with my own personal experience with having BPD, I think Matt possesses some borderline tendencies. I’m not diagnosing him really, mainly because while I have BPD, I am not a professional and not every one person’s experience with the disorder is the same as mine. Most of this is comparing the symptoms I have with some of the observations I’ve made with Matt from both the comics and the mcu show (and maybe a lil projection LOL)?? Will dump random comic panels in here as well :0

For a lot of people that have BPD, the main driving factors for 90% of everything is an intense fear of abandonment and a lack of self-worth.

Matt I think, does have a fear of abandonment, and it manifests in the form of him pushing others away despite him wanting otherwise. He assumes they’ll all just hate/reject him anyway. And this, he tells a lot of lies, keeps a lot of secrets from the people he cares about the most out of the fear that they might hate him and leave him even if it proves to be counterproductive. He wants to love people, and he wants to be loved back, but his fear of intimacy keeps him isolated from the people closest to him.

A lot of that definitely has to do with his mom abandoning him as a child, his father dying, and being raised by Stick. Stick beat into his brain that he should never trust people, that they’ll end up hurting him and leaving him anyway if they found out about what he was truly capable of with his senses, so why bother? (This is something shown more prominently in the show) And then he goes and abandons him too. That, and the prolonged verbal abuse from the only person he had left to latch onto definitely fucked up his brain.

When put into potentially triggering situations (such as being scrutinized/criticized by the people who care about him) I’ve recognized that he reacts like a person who’s been perpetually stuck with the defense mechanisms they’ve never grown out of as a child. As a kid, he wasn’t exactly allowed to lash out, to be upset, to have his feelings validated as a real person, and so all of that buildup he never got to properly experienced inevitably seeped into his adult life.

His self worth is basically nonexistent. He believes that he’s the devil, and as mentioned before, undeserving of any kind of love and attention from people. I also find it fascinating with the way he acts around different people. Most people generally do act differently depending on who they are hanging out with, but Matt transforms into a completely different person. Foggy has pointed out that when Matt is with Elektra, he becomes a worse person– that he gets more reckless, impulsive, and violent when he’s with her. I definitely believe that Matt was ‘living’ through his deep attachment to Elektra.

Matt suffers from a pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships. He either leaves them or fucks up something in the relationship (What Matt did to Milla as an example 😭) , they leave him, or they get killed. A lot of the turbulence in his relationships have to do with his mindset of his unwillingness to believe that they would choose to be with someone like him. It’s the “you’ll get hurt because of me” and the “why would you love a mess like me?” He’ll frequently get into heated arguments with the people around him, and sometimes he’ll end up saying something that’ll drive them out of his life. Matt will always regret it after, but will convince himself to avoid any further confrontations in a stressful situation because he doesn’t want to cause anymore trouble.

This pattern of thinking is pretty synonymous with the extremes of idealization and devaluation as well. Take his relationship with Foggy for example. Matt can go from putting Foggy on a pedestal and treating him as his “favorite person” to immediately holding contempt towards him and scowling at him (sometimes leaving too). He treats a lot of his his romantic partners like this too.

He is obviously extremely impulsive and is prone to fits of anger and violence. His entire nighttime career is dedicated to risky behavior and putting himself in a place where he’s literally just fighting the entire world even if he’s bleeding out half of the time. He knows that he’s slowly killing himself by going out and doing the things no one ever asked him to do, that he’s hurting himself, his relationships, his livelihood, but he can’t stop. I’m also 100% sure he experiences suicidal ideation straight up as well (it’s more explicitly shown/mentioned in the comics??)

Savior complex aside also, I think Matt only feels alive when he’s out there helping people, which in turn helps him cope with a lot of his psychological issues. I think feeling helpless and not doing enough is something that’ll eat away at him constantly if he doesn’t put on the suit.

Idk, sorry for the long rant?? I rly wanted to get this out for awhile, hope this is somewhat comprehensible 😭😭

[gamerstar111]

Makoto & Nagito’s Survivor’s Guilt

i have many thoughts ab why makoto and nagito would have an interesting dynamic but today i’m thinking abt how their history parallels a little (like a lot of things ab them. they’re foils of each other i cld write an essay about it)

this is just a very long (kind of disorganized) tangent about lucky duo’s traumas and how they shaped their mindsets (and how they might understand each other better than people think at first)

i kind of get nervous anytime i put my analyses out there for people to percieve, but that’s okay. we’re facing fears today. LOL

——————————————————————————

i don’t think many people think about how makoto probably understands the survivor’s guilt nagito deals with better than anyone could, because he also has the mentality that he didn’t deserve to survive the things he did, and that his luck had a lot to do with his survival. they cope in very different ways, but at the core of their emotions they both feel that same “i don’t deserve to live” guilt.

——————————————————————————

Makoto’s Survivor’s Guilt

makoto doesn’t attribute as much of his trauma (which is the killing games he went through) to his luck, it doesn’t factor into his thinking as much as it does for nagito. junko says it at some point in the anime: makoto’s luck isn’t like nagito’s! he wouldn’t ever be able to utilize it like nagito can, because it isn’t consistent, it comes and goes super randomly. it keeps that mf alive and that’s IT 😭

(/j. it does more for him than that but im not talking ab his luck rn so BACK TO HIS SURVIVOR’S GUILT.)

he leaves the first killing game with this huge unofficial responsibility. he lost 10 of his classmates and it’s said that he was able to get his memories back after leaving, so that means he remembers the two years he spent with them. they were his friends :,)

and some of them did more than him to contribute to surviving. i know it’s for comedic effect in the game, but makoto is kind of consistently told by byakuya (and sometimes kyoko & others) that he’s stupid or unhelpful. + he already struggles with feeling like he’s not interesting, memorable, or unique in any kind of way (mr. “i’m average at being average”)

but nevertheless, he survives the games, (after basically convincing his remaining classmates to NOT sacrifice him. a second time.) and when he does get out, he joins the future foundation, where his nickname as the ultimate hope starts to push him to do as much as he can. and because he’s so determined to save as many people as he can, he opposes the foundation’s plan to kill the remnants, and takes them to jabberwock island. he’s so determined to do as much as he can because he feels like if he doesn’t, he’s wasting the life he was given. it’s implied a few times that he would have killed himself if he didn’t feel guilty throwing away the life that was taken from his friends! people don’t talk enough about how makoto is NOT as endlessly optimistic as everyone thinks

he isn’t completely immune to despair. i honestly feel like his main motivation in helping people and spreading hope isn’t that he lives by it, it’s that he has to do as much as he can to to spread it to OTHERS because if he doesn’t, what is he doing with the life he has that his friends were robbed of? i could get into the nuances of makoto’s character and how he isn’t just “hope enthusiast #1” but that’s more fitting of a makoto exclusive character analysis. coming soon/hj

the point of that is that he wouldn’t be alive if he didn’t feel like he had to make something of the fact that his classmates died and he didn’t. that’s what motivates him to try and save everyone, no matter who they are or how terrible they are (him saving the remnants, trying to save junko even though he hated her for what she did, and trying to save the future foundation members in the second game, even though they want him dead)

and when he already has this mentality, he goes through a SECOND killing game, where one of his closest friends (i forget if it’s canon they were dating or not, but you get the point) dies as a DIRECT result of him surviving. and instead of breaking down and giving up, he takes it and becomes more determined to end the game. but his despair video shows that he feels so guilty that he survived, even if he doesn’t ruminate in that feeling.

but nagito is the polar opposite

——————————————————————————

Nagito’s Survivor’s Guilt

most of nagito’s character revolves around two things:

His self-loathing

His twisted perception of hope, and his obsession with the concept

putting aside the fact that he has been diagnosed with dementia that definitely warps his perception of reality as it is, when you look into his backstory it makes sense why he thinks the way he does. his childhood pet died in a car crash when he was a little kid, then, when he goes on vacation with his parents (still in elementary school), the plane taking them back is hijacked, and then those hijackers are killed by a meteorite that also kills his parents right in front of him.

he has no other living relatives, so he’s given all of their inheritance, and is said to be free to live on his own. so he’s been alone since he was a kid, and then during middle school, he’s kidnapped by a SERIAL KILLER that held him for ransom, and then let him go after realizing no one was going to come for him. (which is actually so distressing to me like r u kidding me that’s so SAD HE HAD NO ONE WILLING TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE HE WAS MISSING?? UGH. ANYWAY.)

any chance at happiness Nagito has had was ripped from him in that cycle of good and bad luck. he starts to become fixated (and eventually, unhealthily obsessed) with the concept of hope, so that he could try and find some meaning to his life beyond killing anyone who'd ever shown him any kindness or cared about him. and then after ALL OF THIS, in high school before hope's peak, he gets diagnosed not only with CANCER, but also DEMENTIA. Which, typically, only affects people over 65!!!! he was probably not older than 16 when he got diagnosed!!!! he's then told that he probably has less than 6 months to live. he tells hajime this whole speech about how he realized all he wanted his entire life was to be loved by someone, and he didn't want to die alone, but then says that he was just quoting something, curious to the sympathy it would get him (i don't really believe that, but THAT is a nagito analysis topic. back on topic again…)

then he gets invited to hope's peak. he tries to refuse, but they insist, and so he finally agrees. but then, during his second year, junko starts to ruin things, and yet ANOTHER person he started to care about is killed right before his eyes (chiaki). of course, then, he goes on to bring as much pain and despair to anyone he can under junko’s brainwashing

he's fully convinced that he's a curse, and that he's not worthy of living.

——————————————————————————

"ok….. what’s your point??" you didn’t ask???

the difference between nagito and makoto is that makoto took his grief and made it into motivation, while nagito took his grief as a personal reflection, and spiraled down into a mental decline.

i think the main reasons for this difference is that, first of all, nagito's trauma has been his entire life. since he was a little kid up to even currently (when he's around 21-22), all he's done is cause or witness death anywhere he's gone. watching your childhood pet AND parents die before your eyes has to impact development in some kind of way (not to mention he was entirely alone since ELEMENTARY SCHOOL)

makoto had a very average, but nice life to that point. he had nice parents that were together and happy, his little sister that he's super close to, and while he didn't have any super close friends, he wasn't on particularly bad terms with anyone (as shown by his reaction to seeing sayaka, and sayaka's reaction to knowina him). all of the trauma and death he experienced happened to him when he was an adult (even though he thought he was 16-17 when the first killing game happened, he was most likely 18-19 and junko can erase memory but not alter brain development. so.)

second of all, makoto had support from his friends! he had the other 5 survivors, and then during the second game, he had kyoko and aoi to support him and get him through it. nagito grew up experiencing all of this grief and guilt and trauma entirely alone, even during the killing game he was in. his classmates treat him awfully even before he has his mental break doing incredibly unhinged shit like blowing up the gym (it's so. hard. to defend him sometimes.)

i still haven’t gotten to my point oh my god i talk a lot. BUT THE POINT IS they cope extremely differently, and arguably have different levels of trauma, but they experience the same survivors guilt. both of them feel like they don't deserve to be alive, and that others around them deserve so much better than they do. i really feel like makoto would be able to empathize with nagito's struggles with survivor's guilt and self worth, because he feels the same things! clearly, not to the same extent, but again, that goes back to the support makoto got during his experiences. it's one of the many MANY reasons i think makoto and nagito would be able to help each other heal, instead of being unhealthy like a lot of people say. (of course it depends on when because obviously, servant nagito meeting ff!makoto would not be healthy. that man would skeeve makoto out MASSIVELY but that dynamic is also an interesting one to explore.... ANYWAY.)

nagito's obsession with hope would give him an unhealthy attachment/idolization of makoto at first, but i really do believe that after he recovers a little more from junko's influence, a few days with the guy would make nagito realize that they're way more similar than he thought and that respectfully, makoto isn't as amazing and godly as he thought LOL

——————————————————————————

TLDR: they have very similar experiences, the only difference between them is that makoto had support that reminded him he wasn't to blame for the deaths of those around him, while nagito was isolated from EVERYONE from a very, VERY young age, and it led to his mental decline. i really believe they would be able to help each other heal a lot and that's why i love them so much :(

side note: genuinely nothing makes me as sad as nagito and his dog 😞 every time i mention them i get so upset

[fritoley]

The Dragon Prince Thoughts 6x09 - Stardust

Previous Episode // Masterlist // Next Episode

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Spoilers under the cut

“I called her my ‘unicorn’”

Okay why the FUCK are we starting with a villain backstory that I already know is gonna end horribly because he’s talking about his daughter in past tense

*mentally preparing*

*dEEp sigh*

*grabs tissues* Okay here we go

“Her name was Leola”

THE LOVE IN HIS EYES UGH—

ALSO leola’s last wish? The starr???

Woah runaan what happened to you—

It’s like ttm when the other moonshadow elves were in their phantom forms attacking rayla

Oh wait why aren’t tiadrin and lain like that—

Ooh maybe cuz runaan and the other elves had unfinished business maybe rayla’s parents were at peace when they died

That is a BIG BOOK what—

OMG SO THE CUBE DOES DO STUFF

I wonder what that book is and where it is now

“There is proof. A witness… Anak Arao”

Are you telling me that a little child got arrested for breaking the flow of the universe because a fuckass dragon saw her FLOATING R O C K S in front of a human—

wait if leola gave PRIMAL magic to humans (cuz dark magic didn't exist at the time) is that why callum can do magic???

“If you so choose, you may die alongside your daughter.”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

WHAT KIND OF MERCY IS THAT

“It was rescued? By who?”

“Me.”

Bro she waited so long to say that lol—

“We love you, Rayla.”

I’m glad she decided to let her parents go

That way they can stay together instead of ripping one of them from death and having them spend the rest of their life without the other

And it’s also like does she choose mom or dad yk this way she doesn’t have to make that choice

“There’s nothing to fear. Close your eyes.”

OMG STOP this shit is wild

I feel so bad for aaravos this is not okay—

he was such a good father he's a completely different person now

istg the dad's in this show L O V E their daughters ugh

THEY FUCKING ATOMIZED HER

NOOOOOOOOOO

Oh look the star on his chest is black and upside down now

So he became the “fallen star” because of Leola’s death

FUCK OFF MERCIFUL ONE

Nah that line official kicked off his villain arc that’s for sure

“Ethari.”

AWWWW STOPPPPPP

The cheezy romance in this show is top tier ugh—

“I’m your daughter.”

GAWD THAT WAS CLOSE

Yuhhh tiadrin and lain were together but ethari’s all alone he needs his husband back 😭

Runaan isn’t done with xadia he wasn’t supposed to die I bet that’s why he was that angry phantom thingy

“He isn’t doing anything for love, he’s doing it for revenge.”

YES TERRY talk her down

Even thought aaravos has EVERY RIGHT to get revenge on those fuckers

YAYY RUNAAN’S BACK

What’s up with the coin why’s callum examining it like that

“Is that…Katolis?”

OOP he found out—

OMG EZRAN FOUND OUT TOO

welp time for the brothers to spiral together in to self-deprecation and blame—

Aaravos getting his anime-girl transformation

Omg he’s hERE aaahhhhhhhh

OH MY GOSH HE’S HUGE

WHAT

Why’s he so HUGE now wtf—

He wasn’t that huge in the flashback—

Oooooohhhh my gosh—

Oooooomgggggggggggg the shock factor in this season was C R A Z Y. Aaravos is out and he’s ready to wreak havoc that is def gonna be interesting. I get the feeling Terry’s gonna join Team Zym because he’s not so invested in aaravos’s plans and whatnot and i think he’s gonna wanna try save claudia. Callum is gonna FLIP OUT when he finds out that aaravos is out and he took the candy to the starscraper that’s gonna be bad. And EZRAN TOOO we never see ezran so worked up like we did this season and i’m scared and a little curious to see how he’s gonna be now that katolis is pretty much destroyed. But hey only 3 months until s7 :P

[sageandred]

Ranking LS Disasters *by personal preference

(only doing the major ones that were big and/or filled an entire episode // I didn't include the GraceJudd car accident, because I wanted to do natural disasters, but I did include 4x09 because it takes the whole episode of Marjan trying to get to safety // maybe i'll do a gigantic post of every single event later down the line)

1) Ice Storm (3x01)-The fact that this was a 4 part event (A pregnant Grace stuck in the storm, Carlos waiting for TK to wake up from a coma, Paul..it was all very good)

2) Marjan runs for her life (4x09)-such a good solo episode (mainly focussing on 1 character the entire episode can usually be a miss, but Lone Star does good in all of their character-focussed ones)

3) Dust Storm (2x14)-speaking of solo character-focussed episodes...Mateo getting his time to shine(!), but also this was a well-constructed episode and every found family based show needs an episode where the characters are split up due to unforseen circumstances out of their control, like being reassigned to different work locations. (#3 and #4 were switched originally, but I just found this episode a little more entertaining all the way through)

4) Wildfire (2x03)-They took on a big task with such a packed episode, with this being the crossover event, and with [character] death being just 1 episode before it. I like the stakes and the team moments coming together, with their own and the LA force. (we also get the mention of Mateo's LA doppelganger cousin)

5) Volcanic Eruption (2x02)-for the shock factor (+ all of the graphic gore from the opening to the episode highlight), and we get great solo character moments + support for each other at the end

6) Arsonist Fire (2x12)-We get that great tarlos plot. It feels wrong to put this above #7, because the fire's such a small part/factor to the episode, but points since there were some episode shocks and the entire arc wasn't completely predictable the way that I thought at first]

7) Tornado (1x04)-There's a sense of togetherness and feeling like a family; the disasters got better with this being so early in the show. loses points for the car between the buildings, but the story of the man with his two kids was heartbreaking, even being as stupid as he was.

8) Solar Storm (1x10)-a pretty solid plot; as an episode it fell flat in some places.. but that radiation case from space on the phonecall with Grace 😭 (this episode and the plot was flawed, but this idea was promising and I was interested to keep going into season 2, so that's why it's higher than a couple)

9) Building Explosion (3x18)-(this previous episode end leading into the big finale is purely ranked on preference) not their best disaster, and not their worst...This moment was eventful and provided some good moments for Judd/Grace and even Wyatt due to Judd being trapped in danger. This might be higher if the Judd main plot wasn't so short, although a good fake-out with a new conflict of another one of their own going down, but that Owen hallucination arc was a miss for me. The explosion itself (at the start of 4x18/end of 4x17, especially) was epic, though!

10) Plane Engine (3x08)-I really liked the response to the emergency on the plane, the father-son stuff, and the help on Tommy via phone. Episode was great; the disaster itself falls last on my ranking. It was interesting, just not that intense; this being lowest on the list is solely because there are more mishaps that ended up being more intense. Though, it was a good emotional moment. (led to the great emotional tarlos reunion, too). The parallel of the flashback to present day that led to TK confessing to Owen was beautiful!

[badhabitnun]

Hi, Green!!! I noticed in your bio you said you're a post-hiatus phannie and I'm curious, what got you to start watching them? Do you remember your first impressions?

(Sorry if this has been asked before! I hope you're having a wonderful day and also just wanted to add I lovedddd your phasquerade art, it's hilarious and adorable 💚)

-Ser :)

hi ser!! this is actually my first ask on this blog, so i was really excited to see something in my inbox 🥹 and thank you!! posting art is SCARY but everyone is being so nice… thank you so much for organizing the phasquerade!!!

i am incredibly sorry for the Length of what is to come now. my feelings aren’t easy to sum up + i doth yap

the main reason i started watching them is probably the dapg revival itself, since my friends started watching their new videos together in our server, and i got curious and asked to tag along. before then though i’d also heard of dnp from them, and as a long-time (12 years) tumblr user i have felt their influence without realizing they were the source? i now know where the whiskers and “protip” come from…

before starting to watch dnp myself i remember seeing my friends react to the phouse reveal (i remember i was like “huh wait at their age that might actually be gay”), basically i’m gay, why i quit youtube, and dan and phil tell the truth (i didn’t know what a girl in prague was and i WAS afraid to ask). those made me curious! but not curious enough to sit through the videos themselves. i felt really bad for dan from all that though! he really sounded like he suffered more than jesus from the contents of both BIG and WIQYT 😭 i remember feeling parasocially protective of him. this is all to say my impressions weren’t COMPLETELY fresh when i started watching and especially for dan i already had one

now back to late 2023! i’d made some really massive changes in my life, like actual leap of faith, the course of my life has been altered kinda massive, so youtube become a comfort space for me. enter these two nerds! the first impression i had of both of them together kind of related to where i was in life at the moment: the realization that you can just live with a fellow nerd who loves you and you don’t have to follow the path the adult world expects from you. seeing them act silly and embrace everything they love and be so carefree and happy to be themselves, sharing a domestic life that doesn’t follow what heteronormative society demands… i know this is all obvious to so many people, but i really needed it at the time.

they became a reminder that i could have this life, that i have something to look forward to and my life isn’t over or doomed to be what society wants it yo be. their chemistry is something very pure and very real and especially now that they’re both open about their sexualities you can really feel how connected they are and how much fun they have together. it just makes me so happy to see two people adore each other so much after all these years!! god!!!

as i’ve said before i knew about dan from his yearly videos in the hiatus era, but i knew almost nothing about phil! the first thing that stood out to me was his accent, since i am very bad at recognizing accents BUT i watch plumbella so i was like whoa is he northern!! and that was kind of an instant comfort factor.

phil is an underrated comfort video genius like seriously... i was facing the horrors of being stuck at home for christmas with a thousand thoughts on my mind and his silly videos were like a nice patch of sunshine. i absolutely agree with dan on phil’s kind energy; he is like those nice people who come talk to you and actually try to make you laugh and feel more at ease if they notice you’re feeling shy. he kept me a LOT of company and i genuinely owe him for that. i can also tell he’s incredibly smart and creative even though his videos now are more casual; he definitely does a lot behind the scenes and he’s an excellent storyteller. i’ve later come to learn that he has also repressed a lot of things for the sake of his audience and probably dan as well, he really has a good heart. also, he resonates a lot with the autistic experience, and regardless of the reason that does make me feel happy and seen

as for dan. well! once i actually started watching his videos firsthand, dan felt like looking at a mirror, which has Impacted Me psychologically. a lot. BUT let’s get the silly stuff out of the way first i immediately understood why my friend has a crush on him 😭😭😭 like i get it!!! i can never bully them for having a crush again because i fucking get it he’s hot he knows it he carries it well! fuck!

but more than that… he immediately made me reflect on myself. i can’t get into my impressions on dan from dapg without saying first that i have had a similar journey with depression and homophobia and repressing everything and he forced me to face that i still have a lot of work to do. i didn’t realize that just knowing i’m queer and acting on it doesn’t automatically mean that i accept myself being queer. that is something that only BIG and hearing dan talk about queerness and mental health made me realize. so right after the omg funny hot nun, i had to kind of reconsider my whole life for a bit… and i’m still in the process of doing that…

more than anything, i think what i’ve felt and keep feeling watching both his older and newer videos is “god i’m so glad he’s out” and “god i’m so glad he can make art”. i just feel so proud of him, so happy he can experience life as himself, so happy that he can laugh and joke about being gay so freely, so happy he can make the art he wants and feel accepted, and so happy that he can proudly smile at his audience now, after i first heard of him as someone who was isolated and scared. again, i projected on him a lot, and i knew about his struggles beforehand, so my impressions are mostly sentimental 😭

all in all they’ve helped me immensely and made my life so much better, both as themselves with their comment and through the community they created over the years. i’ve been a lurker for the past couple of months and what made me come forward and make my own blog is the way their kindness and acceptance extends to their audience and vice versa :)

hopefully that answers your questions and i hope this wasn’t too much oversharing!! i feel like my current place in life influences how i see them and relate to them, and they also influenced me a lot and that contributes to how i perceive them, and so on. putting all these thoughts into words in one place and realizing things about myself bit by bit was really interesting; hopefully the formatting won’t kill those who try to read it. i’m sorry. i wrote this in my notes app 🫡

[zsakuva]

Hey Saku! I’ve been following your VA stories for a while now, and Alex’s audios have been such a treat to listen and analyze. Especially seeing everyone’s reactions to each one that comes out 🫢 (WARNING LONG MESSAGE) 

I saw on a post that you said you intended for others to see how the listener is a very flawed person, and clearly has major issues that they haven’t dealt with in a healthy way. But I’ve been seeing comments and there’s still people who really dislike Alex with a passion. I know some people have had situations like this in real life, and it’s a lot more complicated situation. So they may have more insight on this than me. I’m just solely judging the fictional characters here FYI. 

    I understand that he isn’t a perfect character and one thousand percent has some flaws of his own, and needs to apologize for what he has done and said, but even after we find out the listener literally followed Alex when he was with Natalie people still think he’s the major red flag that messed up the relationship? Maybe I’m being a little harsh but if I had a partner like the listener and they did everything they did- I wouldn’t have reacted to it nonchalantly. Maybe I wouldn’t suddenly resort to breaking up, but I would have to reassess the relationship. Yes, communication would’ve helped the situation but it wouldn’t have taken back the actions the listener did. And while both of them have to deal with the consequences of their behavior, I don’t think he deserves the amount of “dislike” he gets 😭

     All that to say a lot of people are villainizing Alex when he really didn’t do anything that jaw dropping except be closed off, hypocritical, and a bit of a gaslighter during arguments, which are not healthy reactions, but can happen when emotions get involved. The audience won’t ever know what the listener said back to him during the conversations so they no doubtably could’ve gaslighted him back🫡 Not a complete Alex defender, I don’t particularly like him (the two should definitely not be together) but I also don’t think he’s as terrible as he’s made out to be sometimes.

(Apologies for the paragraph) I do have a short question on it, 

  When you started fleshing out Alex and the listener as characters did you imagine the audience would see them as they do now?  Or was it a surprise to read the differing opinions and conclusions the crumpets came too?  (thank you again for creating such complex and thought invoking audios) 🫶🏻

When I decided to dive into this particular part of their relationship, I knew there would be discourse but I wasn't expecting it to be so divisive. I love reading everyone's opinions; there are so many factors at play to have them draw whatever conclusion they've settled on.

Some might draw from a personal experience, others solely from Alex, or solely from Gremlin, or a third party looking in. All opinions of Alex and Gremlin are valid, and as a writer who loves breaking down characters, it's amazing to see so many discussions about something I've created.

Of course, I have my own opinions regarding their situation, but I'll keep most of that to myself; I'm in a unique position to be omniscient so I'll observe instead!

[shellxrls]

babe r u okay we haven’t seen you for ages :/

SORRY NONNIE. i feel like i shld do a clarification post cuz i've gotten a few asks and i feel kinda bad for leaving u guys in the dark 😭. i've just been putting this off cuz i've been tired and stressed coupled with other reasons (that i'll explain) that make me not want to publicly interact on this blog:

recently i've noticed such a large uprise in hate on this app (ranging from pro-israel/anti-palestine posts to mutuals outside of my fandoms being called aggressive slurs to ppl within the obx fandom consistently expressing opinions of dislike and resentment to authors for simply writing what they want) - also largely made up of anon asks with the foundation of racial or sexuality based hate (which i won't go into depth ab but ppl definitely pick and choose who to send hate to based on those factors - pisses me the fuck off more than anything bcuz i don't come on this app to be bombarded with racism and reminders of my racial perception in this world, regardless of whether its directed at me or mutuals).

another thing, (which ik has been said forever but continues to remain important), the lack of support and interaction for/with writers on this app is definitely very discouraging. i no longer feel supported by the community i've created and the truth is i need that interaction to keep writing and engage my motivation otherwise i feel like what i'm doing on this app is pointless.

no one logs onto this app to listen to me rant ab personal issues, and so i wont' go into extensive detail - but i've consistently used tumblr to escape my personal life, and the burdens and stress that come with. ofc i'm a writer, but wayyy beyond that this is intended to be my safe space where i can enjoy and simply be myself and let go of personal stress as well as interact happily w like-minded ppl. due to this, i've made an effort to take time out of my own life and duties to write and to interact because of the community. recently however i find myself more and more anxious to even open the app and look at my notifs, and whenever i do open the app i make myself feel bad by comparing myself to other writers - which is completely normal occasionally, but at this point its not as easy to shake considering all the factors listed above. its unfortunate to say but it simply hasn't felt worth it to be on this app and interact for while now for me.

before anyone says i'm being too sensitive or its my sole purpose to write - pls remember that this is entirely my blog, i can choose what my motivations are for being on this app and its not a stretch to kindly ask for more in terms of stopping hate and simply being more supportive if u do genuinely like an author and their works.

ultimately i've been both a fan/reader and a writer on this app for multiple years atp, i can understand both perspectives but i've honestly never felt this disconnected and upset ab a blog before. I understand that not everyone is to blame, and i'm sorry to those who've been kind & active supporters, but my public interactions have been limited and may continue to be bcuz i feel v unsure & stagnant atm.

the only 'exception' to this is my mutuals, i love them all obv and their works, & so i'm continuing to interact w them as per normal, and so i am active on the app & i'm definitely not entirely gone by any means. if anything i just need a few more days to reconsider, but we'll see.

[supercalime]

i heard about the whole jatp drama, and i totally get your worries in that regard 😭 sooo often a show has something great going for itself, just for the creators to fuck up so badly that it's almost unfathomable sksksk (also looking at the umbrella academy season 4 disaster). gotta say that at this point, i think i will leave 911 behind fr if bucktommy aren't together anymore. i am out with one foot simply because i only watch certain storylines while skipping others, some characters haven't interested or excited me in literal years. but i love buck. after so many years of watching him try to find real happiness, and with the show slowly reaching a point where imo it's seriously time to wrap it up very soon, i cannot imagine that they will manage to strike gold the way they did with bucktommy ever again. tommy is the first love interest of buck that they actually tried to integrate into the world and the firefam. tommy got the seal of approval, we see buck seemingly finally reach that point in life he was searching for. making him go through ANOTHER breakup just to introduce ANOTHER love interest, nullifying all that bucktommy has established? there is a limit for how often you can press the reset button, and we have reached it with buck a long time ago. let the man finally have something else to work towards. we need a breath of fresh air in here. i am optimistic about s8, and i will live no matter what happenes, but i think that would be my final straw to disconnect from 911 amd canon buck ngl 🤔 fingers crossed that bucktommy is alive and well because it's got sm potential!! 🙌

Couldn’t agree more bestie!

Tbf my reaction to the jatp bs is on me haha. Everything was more intense in 2020/2021 for obvious reasons so it wasn’t surprising for me to have latched on to a tv show and relying on it for my mental well being. But all that bullshit made me learn to change my mindset and behavior on how to interact with media and fandom, which is to have the bar so low it’s in hell.

Anyway, back to 911. I wouldn’t blame you for stopping to watch the show at any point if it’s not interesting any more. I’m not even a fan of this one. I saw bits and pieces throughout the years as one tends to do with procedurals and didn’t want to have my experience tainted with the fanon ship that shall not be named. In fact, I’ve followed lone star from the beginning and I think I still prefer it over the og.

Now onto buck and his relationships. I completely agree with what you said about hitting the reset button over and over. Procedurals tend to stall instead of committing to a solid change unless they get repetitive and/or write themselves into a corner (which both apply to buck here). So yeah, it would be a disservice to bucks character if he yet again goes through another breakup and the cycle keeps going, specially since tommy was pretty well received as his LI unlike all the other ones that weren’t meant to last from the beginning (Abby, Ali), were the wrong person for him (Taylor) or were forced down our throats (Natalia - there was so much telling and not showing how “right” their relationship was, it’s embarrassing).

So, unless there’s outside factors preventing tommy to come back and stay for good (contracts, conflicting schedules, etc), it makes no sense for bucktommy to not continue on the path they are going.

I want bucktommy to thrive, but I won’t hold my breath waiting just yet. If they are broken up or eventually will break up (which I must emphasize I do not want cause I ship them with all my heart) I might quit the show as well. Buck and Tommy were a breath of fresh air and I would love to see what could happen to them if we are lucky enough to see their romance continue

[lyriumrain]

(Link to article) (PDA here standing for: "pathologically demand avoidant")

Hooooo boooyyyyyyy 😮‍💨🤕

I know that autism has been a major factor in why I find "normal" life so difficult. But to other people it's completely invisible. They can't comprehend why I've had such a hard time gaining employment because I can hold a conversation and seem "normal" to them (well-intentioned older women have taken pity on me saying that I "don't know myself" as a contributing factor 😐 that's a whole different can of worms that I won't crack open here - but needless to say: wtf?)

Regardless, back to the quoted article; I've never been able to accurately describe exactly how autism affects me, because I'm not in one "camp" of symptoms (most people aren't, to be clear, but it does help with wording your struggles if you can name the main culprits that you wrestle with). Reading this article has opened my eyes to the fact that for the majority of my life I've been trying to mask while also being "pathologically demand avoidant".

Only just now am I realising how much that has fucked me up. Due to the cult I was raised in, I've had a debilitating need to please people, to do as I'm told, to be "good" and receive praise for being good. But I am also EXTREMELY demand avoidant. Deep down I don't care if some rando doesnt approve of me. But the cult programming got its hooks into my autustic brain and, despite being out for nearly a decade, it won't let go.

And I know this is something pretty well documented, that people with autism and/or adhd really hate being told what to do (while simultaneously wanting/needing guidance/structure), but actually reading someone's personal experience elevates it from "oh haha I do that" to "oh my god.... I do that and it's ruined my life". Does that make sense? 😭

[foxymoxynoona]

I won’t lie foxy. I’ve expressed before how much i LOVEEEE your stories. The JK ones are always rereads bc they aren’t just some teenage netflix boo-boo story (not putting them down. some of these stories are great even if they are cheesy and immature sometimes) but the depth, and etc yours have give me so much serotonin ….

ANYWAYSSSS I have to admit, I love that you fulfill my guilty pleasure of adding pregnancy in a good amount of your stories, some being the main plot of it (sugar fairy and meadow(even tho that one stressed me out and bc of that i haven’t been able to reread it yet😝).

I think pregnancy is such a real thing. I’m also at the age and part of my life that talking about pregnancy and having kids although scary. it’s not completely off putting, since i’m not an immature unstable teenager anymore😭 lololol. and it’s a super important factor in all relationships, so for you to bring it into the storyline (especially when we’re talking about REAL mature adults over the age of like 22) and they all have different plot lines which i think it’s also a huge misconception in the fanfic world. so many put down on “found family” or “accidental pregnancy” and i’m unfortunately a who’re for them and not many write about that AU.

So when i see yours, ones i haven’t read yet. part of me lowkey be sitting there like “oh shit she gon get knocked up and then we will see character growth and the relationship build” NO. YOY DONT MAKE THE PREGNANCY THE ARC OF THE STORY AND YES THAT IS SO HEALTHY AND BEAUTIFUL BIT IM TOXICCFFF

like i lowkey was wanting an accidental pregnancy in Amended. I know that would of definitely thrown off the entire arc of the story and character development (for isabella specifically). I like to think that would of been so fun and cute to see. like i know she would of been miserable and gotten in her head bc “history repeats itself” but it would of been cool to see her “repeat history” but change it. JK wasn’t like the last two BDs and etc. Although Izzy got on my nerves 90% of the story, i can’t judge her for trauma she couldn’t control and her forced responses to it and who knows, maybe adding the accidental pregnancy would of probably been so bad there would of been no happy ending but like i said. I’m a whore for an accidental or ex-lovers (parents aus).

I also think bc you write pregnancy/growing families stories so well that I would love to see a good toxic “got knocked up first then fell in love” story from you… maybe a college au make it spicy.

.. I will not ask you to write my deepest guilty pleasure but i def know you would kill it either way. I hate that i’m so anti older woman bc i wanna read the Over the Falls but as a girl who is barely 24 and still thinks she’s 19. the idea of being way older than Jungkook makes me want to throw up

Have a good day and don’t mind me, I might go reread Meadows now bc i lowkey miss the smut and bronny is so sexy once she leaves Korea (spoiler)

L

This was a wild read from start to finish! I find it a little strange you came to a writer who is older than Jungkook to insult women who are older than Jungkook --we don't condone any age-related hate around here, but especially not about women in their 30s living and loving! -- but you also insult teenagers so I take it you only like poeple you're own age? 😅 I definitely encourage you to broaden your mindset here though. You will continue to age, and you will also be older than people around you, and you too will understand in the not so distant future that 30s is not old at all, and that you still deserve all the happiness and romance and to be the protagonist of stories 🥰

Other than that though, I'm very glad you've enjoyed my stories! I just wrote what I wanted to read and didn't expect it would resonate with others and have been delighted to find there are those who it does! There are SO many aspects of life, and pregnancy and motherhood are not the journey for all women, but it's a space I've also found oddly lacking in honesty and variety in many of the stories I've read so it's been fun to connect with others or even just present new ideas around what those aspects of life can look like.

And look I'm all for messiness in stories 😈 I think people make mistakes and behave badly and can be their worst selves in certain situations and it's good to represent that honestly! And sometimes I just want a guilty pleasure messy story without apology😎You're totally right, Amended would have been a very different story. Personally, I do not think it would have gone well, but maybe they would have figured things out eventually and still ended up somewhere happy! You bet your buns I've written accidental pregnancy stories (other than Meadow)... one I may share some day, the other ones I"m not so sure, they were a little too guilty-pleasure to post I think 😂

[dark-elf-writes]

KOT au is so fucking awesome I'm going through it now.

-(Imagine him with hate in his heart but always willing to split what little he has with the other kids out on the street, wide-eyed and so damn scared but hungry enough to get close to the scary boy with all of his scars.)

Touya would be the best, worst big brother ever. Like prickly as hell until you worm your way under his skin then he would commit many crimes for you, up to and including murder.

-(murderous little ducklings)

this will forever be a favorite line. Like all picture is this ^^^ with knives🤣🤣

-(Imagine a king of the lost and broken.)

OUCH like this whole paragraph is brilliant but you paint such a picture with words I CAN'T. Like 'villains' is appropriate for sure, but like the number of adoption papers floating around UA must be ridiculous, leaving supplies out there my god 🤣🤣

-(Remembers that nothing in life comes free and there are always strings attached.)

For this to be his viewpoint only to be confronted with the actual reality of (Present Mic with the lamest disguise he has ever fucking seen) ghajnvfjallghllnjdklalgjklHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA Fucking perfection!!!!!!!

And Vlad King's inability to whistle is classic, but nothing will ever top Aizawa (omeone who is either an Underground hero Touya has never heard of despite living on the streets for years or an Actual Fucking Demon™️ shoves a backpack full of supplies and cat keychains into Touya’s chest before swinging off into the night like some sort of Sleep Paralysis Spiderman.) The first time I read this I laughed myself to tears and I still cackle every time I go back through this tag.

-(Nezu himself sauntering up with a new notebook and set of pens every time Izuku runs out is any less terrifying.)

Fear! Totally valid fears here.

-Izuku doesn't need the sharps, no sir ma'am mx, noooooo. keep the knives and pointy things away from the green one.

-(t’s in essence one teenager trying to raise three feral children while every hero in the area tries to lure all four of them home like stray cats while also pretending that it is absolutely not what they’re doing.)

I need this. For survival I need this. The pros finally convincing them to go to UA and literal explosions happening minimum twice a day once Izuku finds the support labs. Himiko traumatizing at least one person a day by playing up the creepy factor for funzies. Shoji following suit by deliberately placing limbs in the worst spots just to see people jump. And Touya laughing when the Pros look to him, "You volunteered for this, they found me, I was stuck with them. You dumbasses picked them up with a fucking bear trap, what did you expect?" fully ignoring the fact that he's the only one they listen to and that he has (and will continue to) risk prison for all of them.

-(hat scar is the only one he wears with pride)

I feel like he flash the scar as an intimidation factor whenever he could. Like someone doubts Himiko, show scar 'she did this to me. She likes me. She doesn't like you. Think about it.'

-(Mezou tucks himself behind a dumpster to eat)

BABY😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 You deserve all the love you sweet child!!!!! For real though, I feel like Mezou is criminally underutilized in fics and in canon material honestly.

-Every thing about Izuku and how Touya found them hgnreaklfnfdiaeghruaingkdf;ae They need someone and Touya's over protective sibling energy came through like a freight train with no brakes. And the back and forth with the shop owner 🤣🤣🤣 She is 100% grandma energy and I hope there comes a day that Touya shows up with one of the pros and she lectures him for disappearing.

-(keeps threatening to make hawks into fried chicken)

I would actually pay money to see this conversation animated. Like Hawks has gone full birdy, and Touya is desperately trying to escape before completely losing his shit, whether it's burning him alive or busting into laughter, who knows, he'll never admit it.

-Fuyumi and Mirko for the win, no notes, full support. WE STAN THE LESBIANS!!!!

-Fuck Endeavor and Ass Might. That is all.

-(matching a sad blue eyed, white haired child with burn scars to the other sad blue eyed white haired children with burn scars.)

Okay soooooo seeing the reunion of the kids would be heartbreakingly beautiful.

-(I mean Touya if he can’t get his hands on a box of hair dye is pretty obvious)

IF this ain't the truest fucking fact. It's the Clark Kent Effect, but hair.

-Just the discord server. Please! I need an entire series just of that because can you imagine?!?!?!?! The mass parental energy? The conspiracies and 'fuck you' at the Commission. Fuck I'm here for it.

-Fire puppets. Just FIRE PUPPETS!!! Can you imagine the first time Yamada finds the kids together and Izuku and Shoji are giving the big eyes at Touya until he caves and starts doing a fully fleshed out puppet play? Like Aizawa saw it first, but the first time they see it in person???

-*chants* To-ko-de-ku, To-ko-de-ku, To-ko-de-ku. The first interaction being Izuku saving him from bullies and using their ridiculously intimidating siblings as the visual threats they are??? hgaingdmklghiwuopapghi (“I’m telling nii-chan you inherited his bird thing.”) I hope to fuck someone records Touya's (and Keigo's) face(s) when she tells them. It needs to end up in the discord server.

-(he sprawls over some back alley couch that’s definitely infested with something and smells like cat pee.)

Still top tier imagery ,10000000000000000/10 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Plus the gremlin intervention fuck yes!!!

-(Touya is both Gay and Dramatic as personality traits)

Enough said.

-(Aizawa doesn’t feel like either death or retirement can come fast enough.)

This is just canon? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

-The gremlins version of Santa is correct. We support 100%. Touya can stop being a buzzkill

-Pickpocket alllllllll of the villains. ALL of them. AFO has to be the goal though. Just out of spite. It's gotta be him.

-(Mezou stole the bullets out of Snipes gun and the man was so baffled trying to figure out how he did it that he didn’t even fight when the cuffs went on.)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHERHIOJKGNFKABNJ

-(Monoma’s wallet shows up.

In Bakugou’s pocket.)

WHY DO I HAVE ABSOLUTELY ZERO ARTISTIC TALENT?!?!?! I NEED TO SEE THIS!!!!!

-(Touya with head in hands like “we had arson for dinner yesterday choose another felony”)

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Careful what you wish for there 🤣🤣🤣🤣

-(Plausible deniability makes the world go round tbh.)

I feel like that's the entirety of this AU.

I FUCKING LOVE THIS!!!

When the muses return to MHA, I'm so excited to see where some of these ideas go. Like zero pressure, but like I'm waiting like this. very patiently.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I MEANT TO REPLY TO THIS EARLIER I FORGOR

No but King Of Thieves is so special to me. Like Touya who is more morally flexible but still above all else a good brother and his hoard of equally morally flexible younger siblings that can’t keep their hands to themselves is so dear to my heart. Once I can get the words to go for MHA again it’s all over no one will be able to stop me

[brick-a-doodle-do]

AGHHHH IT'S HERE!!! I AM SCHEDULING THIS FOR LATER BC I FINISHED IT EARLY BUT AHH @beckyu I HAVE FINISHED THE FIC >:]

also HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO SHROUD YOU SAVIOUR !!!

ps becky i completely forgot about my plan for chapter two until i was one scene away from finishing...so let's just say this can be an au and it will happen at one point 😭🙏 for now tho this is just a rewrite of chapter one but with a LOT more content :]

(read the og fic here ! ao3 link to this fic !)

shroud, you...savior?

words: 4590 (LENGTHH!)

cw: panic, description of a panic attack (-ish? idrk how to write panic attacks), spiders, swearing

—–—

Trust. It was a vulnerable thing to play around with, he knew that. Yet still, Wilbur continued to show up behind the “Ranboo” plushie on Tommy’s bookshelf. Day after day. 

It had been almost a month since he and Tommy had met, and already his mind had already sworn the kid to be trustworthy. But logically, he knew that the risk factor of revealing himself went up and far beyond the skyline he’d grown to know as Tommy’s ceiling.

True as that may be, though, a part of Wilbur still liked thinking of Tommy as a gentle human, rare as they may be…and never as young as Tommy. He had all the doubts in the world that this human wouldn’t be just like the stories. It only made sense. 

He wonders how much Tommy really cared about his situation, because he knew that so much of his life’s curtain had been lifted, but for some reason the human only sympathised with him. It frustrated him to not understand such a massive thing.

Wilbur knew it wasn't worth it to dig deeper, because all it took was one unthought sentence to tip the boat and send Tommy off. His entire world would clatter around him, every minute he spent making sure he wouldn’t be seen, finding the right way to borrow food without any trace, to make his own tools and his own home—just like a borrower should. Every delicacy he’d been trained to follow. It was exhausting, but that’s how it has been, and Wilbur doesn’t hope to change the fact just yet. 

Instead, he followed through with offering up a system that he explicitly said he expected Tommy to follow; a simple “keep your hands and eyes to yourself”.

It had been a risky card to lay on the table, but Tommy respected it.

So far. 

And he enjoyed their talks, for the most part. Occasionally his voice would run dry when Tommy would ask a question that made the hair on his neck stand, and he never misses the awkward pauses between their responses when Wilbur trails off as he thinks he’s talking too much or revealing too much or about to reveal something important.

All in all, other than that insecurity, it was nice to have a responding voice to relax with. 

Settling down against the wood of the bookshelf was a rewarding thing, something like a gift for his hard work. And a good fifty percent of the times he’d done it, Wilbur avoided thinking about how convenient it would be to get Tommy’s help with what he spent unnecessary time on.

Unfortunately for him, this time was the calm before the storm.

That was impossible to tell at that point, though. 

It was quiet as he approached from the hole he’d carved in the back of the bookshelf, save for Tommy wrapping his stream up with drawling out his goodbyes. Stars danced in the sky from what he could see without the glare from the warm fairy lights that Tommy had lit. He can just barely see between the plushie without risking being spotted. And from what he could see, Tommy had ended the stream by now and was only sitting with himself in the camera view.

He closed down the camera and returned to Minecraft. He barely knew what it was, though it seemed Tommy enjoyed it a lot. And it seemed nice, like…clean? Smooth? Wilbur can’t exactly find the words to describe something out of his range of knowledge. 

“Wilbur?” Tommy calls out, voice raised. 

“Hi, Tommy,” Wilbur replies softly—though he keeps his volume up for the sake of Tommy. It echoes around the closed off shelf just slightly, repeating back to him twice. “Was your stream good?” he asks, crouching down and shuffling his legs so he’s leaning against the same wooden wall he’s always on, head turned to watch Tommy’s fingers tap against the rectangular thing he always uses. He used to know the name of it, but it’s vanished in his head for the time being.

It’s lulling to listen to. 

“I think it was? I don’t know the word for it, it was fuckin’ weird, Tubbo wouldn’t stop punching me the entire time.”

“I don’t expect you to know the word, you’re too young to know big words,” Wilbur hums.

It was risky, but the sound of Tommy’s huffed laughter let his nails stop digging into his palm. 

“Piss off, you don’t even know what a keyboard is, ya’ dick. Don’t make fun of my lack of vocabulary, I have more important things to do than learn fucking English—like attend to my many many women, yeah?”

Wilbur bites at the inside of his cheek, combing desperately through the tone of Tommy’s voice, how it spilled into lilting syllables at some points and how his voice raised at other times. He seemed sarcastic…but he could never be sure. And it made his voice run dry. He closed his eyes and pushed the side of his forefinger against his temple, sighing in regret. Or maybe relief of the tease in part of his reply. 

The silence drew out awkwardly, Wilbur sat with his eyes closed and only the sound of the keyboard clicking. Before the rubber band could snap back on the both of them, Tommy chimed in. “Hey, Wil, y’know I was just joking about that, right? I’m not mad at you,” he reassures. It soothes him so quickly.

He opens his eyes again and returns his hands to his lap, ready to reply when he sees something shift in the shadows. Jumping, his hands instinctively reaching to his side for a needle, where he finds himself defenceless against whatever was there. The scent of rot runs in his senses. He wrinkles his nose at it, chest already heaving. 

“Wilbur?” Tommy cuts in, but he can barely hear it over his head spinning

Wilbur stays still, moving slowly. He can barely get halfway to his feet before something pushes on his chest and he slumps back against the wall, his head pushed down awkwardly. He pushes his vision up the best he can, what little light that floods in from Tommy’s room displaying a creature he could just faintly recognize.

A spider. 

Stories of the beings come to a slamming halt in his head. It pins another leg onto him, and he bites his tongue hard, saliva pooling in the bottom of the mouth he struggled to keep from screaming. He keeps his hands to himself, one pressed flat against the sleek wood and the other clamped over his mouth. 

Spiders…shouldn’t be that big. He’s never met one before, but it screams unnatural. It screams monster. Fittingly, Wilbur screams for a monster.

“Tommy—oh fuck—Tommy!” Wilbur yells out, his rules clambering to the ground with an inaudible shatter. The spider above him hisses in reply, the red glint in its many, many eyes making his blood run cold. It doesn’t do anything, it sits there, while Wilbur is defenceless. The predator has his prey, so again, in a last ditch effort, he calls for its predator. “Tommy!” again he yells, as if somehow the human could be able to help him.

Fuck his rules! Why was hiding one of them?

Why does he never plan for the worst?

Tears that fall to his agape expression, making his strained eyes stinging and his throat run dry. He swallows, shuddering at the lump he can't find a way to get rid of, and  if somehow it was possible, the spider pushes down harder, hissing at him again. Its eyes burn into his head. Wilbur huffs nervously and sinks further down the bookshelf wall.

Whatever Tommy’s reply is goes in one ear and pours right out the other, his senses a garbled pit of smog.

The spider above him twitches, vibrating through it's body where Wilbur can feel it in his core.

And before he can call once more for the human, the warm lights that look like orange spots in his teary vision are pushed into view as the contents on the shelf are shoved to the side to fix a problem Wilbur should've been able to get himself out of.

—— — ——

Tommy shoved everything to the side of the middlemost shelf, not bothering to acknowledge the bits and pieces that fell to the hardwood floor with a clatter. The only thing his instincts care about is the tiny thing that lay in front of him, barely the size of his finger, crumpled near the edge of the shelf with Shroud standing proudly on him. Wilbur’s curls barely obscure his wet cheeks that only get worse by the second.

Tommy stands for a moment, hands making useless efforts to find a way to get the spider off of Wilbur without startling the tiny. He doesn’t deserve that.

Eventually, he pinches the sides of his body and brings his other hand underneath, barely grazing Wilbur’s torso in the process. Tommy’s heart twists when he steps away with Shroud and more importantly his raging head which makes him feel awful for breaking the second of Wilbur’s couple of simple rules. 

“Shroud, fuckin’ dickhead, don’t do Wilbur like that,” he scolds the arachnid, slipping him into his cage and sealing it off.

He’d been completely mindless to let it be on the shelf.

He runs a hand down his face and returns back to the bookshelf, where Wilbur still was, chest still heaving from the scare and eyes absolutely fixed on him. They never left him, and he felt awful. It got worse with every step he took closer to the tiny, no matter how slow he approached and no matter how high he raised his hands in defence.

Tommy couldn’t blame him. He had lied to Wilbur. Let him sit in faux comfort.

Wilbur coughs, choking on the tears that don’t stop rolling down his flushed cheeks. Tommy’s expression twists, plummeting deeper in concern. He swallows, nervous.

“Hey, uhm, Wil?” he asks. Wilbur flinches at it, shuffling away from the edge of the shelf and further and further into the corner until his body is pressed up against the fold of the two wooden boards. “Hey, nonono—it’s okay, you’re fine,” he tries. “It’s—you’re fine. Shroud’s gone, yeah? He’s in his cage.”

There is the daintiest moment of silence before Wilbur bursts,

“Had you known? Did you know that entire fucking time?” Wilbur demands, his voice shaky, and not only because of his uncertainty.

Tommy had always hated how unsure he felt around him, even in the safety of the bookshelf, a place that he, at the time, had felt safe at. But he has bigger problems to address head-on than Wilbur’s wavering trust with him. Like, how heavy his chest was. 

“Wilbur, breathe in,” he says, ignoring the question. Wilbur obliges startlingly quickly, taking in a deep, quivering breath. “Okay, uhm, breathe out. And then in again—out,” he demonstrates, watching as Wilbur takes what he says to heart, not without a scowl on his face however.

Tommy stands back quietly as Wilbur sorts through his emotions. He watches with his breath held, and when tiny eyes connect with his own he releases it. Wilbur’s lips curl in on themself, then open like he’s going to say something.

Tommy listens. 

“Answer me,” Wilbur says. 

Tommy swallows and stays quiet, guilt pecking at him like a crow.

Finally, “Yeah, yeah I did. But trust me when I say I didn’t want anything to do with you! I—I mean I like talking to you ‘n all, but I respected your personal space, y’know?”

Wilbur considers it for a moment, eyes staring beyond Tommy, down at his hands, then back to Tommy. “I wasn’t safe, and you let me think I was! You’ve gone and what, let me go weeks thinking I was safe?”

“You were safe!” Tommy argues, brows furrowed, shallow in thought as to why Wilbur refused to believe what he said. Maybe he needed to be more convincing. “Seriously, Wil. Think about it, man: I knew where you were pretty much every day, and I didn’t make one move for you. I let you think you were safe, because you were. I literally own a spider, people hate those fuckin’ things, I’d never hurt him, let alone you.”

Wilbur stays quiet. Tommy can’t exactly say that he looks convinced or is even processing anything Tommy said to him, so Tommy lends him the time to. The borrower intertwines his fingers around his legs, nails tugging up his skin as he tightens his grasp.

Tommy’s hands twitch.

Slowly, attention never leaving the tiny, he inches his hand up and moves it closer to Wilbur, knuckle extended just barely so he can nudge the man. Tommy’s finger rubs against the soft material of a shirt that was once his as he tries to soothe Wilbur, grazing barely at his impossibly small and fragile torso.

Instantly, borrower startles, hands unlinking and rushing to his side, only for his tense shoulders to slump for some reason. Then Wilbur’s face twists into a deeper scowl and his hands, each barely the size of his fingertip, push at his knuckle. The feeling makes the fan in his mind whir loudly and his eyes go noticeably wide, the feeling of an entire hand against centimetres of his finger plays with his head. 

“Sorry,” Tommy murmurs above his crowded thoughts. 

“Don’t fucking touch me, yeah? You’ve done enough, you don’t get to fucking—" Wilbur pauses suddenly, his brows furrowing as he silently negotiates something, which ends with a quippy: "get the hell away from me, actually! I don’t want to see you right now.”

Tommy’s face, somehow, falls even further. 

—— — —— 

Wilbur watches with bated breath as Tommy walks off without sparing another glance at him. A part of him is rewarded at the sight of the human taking his demand, while the other worries for what might be to come.

Perhaps something awful that Tommy wanted to keep a secret by playing along. He doubts that fact, because in the back of his mind he knows Tommy, amusingly enough, would never compare with the mercilessness (or, respectively, the brains) of someone who could torture such a conscious being.

When the door to Tommy’s bedroom finally closes softly, he feels like he can breathe again; his muscles ease and the smog in his mind wipes away slowly. It still stands, but he doesn’t have it revving at every little insignificant movement Tommy had to offer.

Wilbur sighs and drags his hands along his face, sore eyes and tear-dried cheeks making his skin scratchy. He shuffles up, standing in the place that just moments ago he would’ve considered his safe haven. But dwelling on it didn’t appeal to Wilbur, so he found his way out of the stream of soft lighting and back into the shadows, the fairy lights covered by the thing Tommy had shoved to the side.

He steps carefully along the small board installed between the back of the bookshelf and the wall, ducking as he approaches the small hole. It’s equally as dark inside, and without the usual chatter as Tommy streamed or talked to friends it felt suffocatingly quiet and isolating. Contrastingly, at the very same time, he thinks the sound of it would make him sick.

Call him dramatic, but he has every right to be right back at square one with Tommy. 

Wilbur walks silently towards the lit part of the walls, where he’d hung a piece of excess cloth to section off his living quarters with the rest of the tunnel systems. He ducks under it, and instantly a matchstick-box bed with a portioned sponge as his mattress calls to him to rest his sore eyes.

He slumps on the makeshift bed. It sinks just slightly after it gets used to his weight, and a notable rarity of physical tire creeps along his aching body.

He eases his muscles to the best of his ability as he drifts, flexing his fingers and rolling his wrists. Wilbur can’t recall a time where his hands had been that tight or when they’d dug into his skin like that.

To put it simply, he felt betrayed. And maybe he shouldn’t, but he did.

Wilbur’s eyelids hung heavy over his eyes as mentality seeped into physicality. He shuffles his position, laying the length of the makeshift bed with hands crossed over his chest while he stared up at the almost endless ceiling. It climbed higher and higher until it was too engulfed in shadows to see properly.

He imagines Tommy’s ceiling, white and smooth. He wondered what it would be like to fall asleep under that roof instead of…well, truthfully, he doesn’t know if he considered the abyss to be a roof.

Sure, in most aspects it was. It sheltered him from the rain and kept him away from the blazing sun, and the walls around him made the temperature bearable, but he can’t say it’s exactly the most…relaxing thing.

Wilbur can mark many occasions where he’s walked past a motionless Tommy who stared up at his ceiling. At the time he’d assumed the kid to be asleep, but now he reconsiders. So, he supposes he wished to have a place to think. Because staring up at the same towering wooden panels that shoot beyond his vision is never calming. It’s effortless to imagine a thin, woolly, pitch-black leg creeping out of the shadow, then another one, and another, and another as eight beady red eyes blink simultaneously blink, and the hiss of it echoes through the caverno—Wilbur squirms uncomfortably and tries to blink away the vision. It fades as he tosses to his side and grabs aimlessly for the crumpled clump of sloppily sewn together pieces of cloth, something he thought would look appealing, but really looked untidy. Finally, his fingers grab at it, pulling the weight up to toss over himself.

His overheated body is cooled by the cold feeling of it having rested on the dusty floor. It feels nice, it almost distracts him from the impending doom that his mind can’t shake the feeling of. 

Wilbur's fingers curl into the cloth.

Minutes pass, the lulling sound of something being on a raging absence for such a peculiar and melancholy evening. 

Maybe an hour passes, perhaps three or six. There was one constant during his wakeful period: Wilbur could barely sleep. No matter if he shifted his body just barely or assumed a million different positions, if he kept his makeshift lights on or off, or if to soothe his restless mind he hit himself in the head.

Every time, he’d end up on his back, staring up at an abyss. Something in him wanted to seek out Tommy. It was an abrupt thought, and frankly a startling one, and he certainly weighed the possibilities of it for a long while. 

Somewhere along the way of deciding, his head stopped buzzing and he found a means to sleep.

**

Wilbur isn’t entirely positive it was morning as he wakes up to a thump! that rattles the fragile insides of his nook.

He jolts up, anxiety scaling his spine and foraging his bed-ruffled curls, and right down to his eyes, which flicker with the same uncertainty that was in his limbs when he shoved his bedding off of himself and stood to his rickety feet. 

Thump!

Wilbur jumps, the noise sounding strangely close—oh.

Tommy. 

For a split second, it had just been him in the universe. He had forgotten about Tommy’s piss-poor scheme of letting him bathe in the lie, fermenting it just right until it was inevitable that the betrayal would sting just a little bit more.

“Wil?” Tommy calls out, tapping at the outside of the walls again. “I’m not gonna try anything, I actually don’t even want you to come out. It’d be nice to physically make up with you, but words are good too. Just tell me you haven’t gone and left,” Tommy says. His voice echoes down the hallway, and Wilbur can imagine how close he must be. How far he’s leaning over the bookshelf just to get a shot at his crumpled trust. Bullshit.

He considers it, standing in the middle of the hall. It’s tempting, he can’t say he doesn’t still yearn for the feeling of just sitting with Tommy, being with another person instead of alone.

But, then again, he knew the risk, and it skyrocketed.

So, Wilbur stayed quiet until he could get his shit together. 

Tommy disagreed. 

“Wilbur,” Tommy drawled sourly, “come on, man, I don’t want to make this a bigger deal than it already is, but just–” his voice is cut off as he stops talking. There’s a pause, a pleasing one, but it’s cut off with an abrupt “sorry”. 

The borrower sighs. “Are you trying to make me feel bad?” he asks. 

“Not really.” Tommy pauses shortly. “Maybe.”

Wilbur huffs, amused. “Well it’s not really working.” It is.

Barely, there’s the echo of a sigh. 

Through the weight of their silence, Wilbur considers his options: life over Tommy.

 It’s not exactly apparent to him, yet still he chooses something and throws all of his cares away to walk down the hall and closer to Tommy. 

“Well then I’m not trying to make you feel bad, because you know me, I never fail,” Tommy jokes, laughing at his own attempt at humour. Wilbur snickers quietly, trying to remind himself that Tommy is an absolute traitor. But he doesn’t have it in him to care.

“That is presumptuous of you to say,” Wilbur muses, a grin appearing as he imagines Tommy’s face as he reacts to Wilbur’s comment. 

By now, the borrower is moments away from the bookshelf opening.

He pauses, standing in the middle of the hall as he contemplates going any further.

Tommy, now sounding closer than ever, where Wilbur can hear every shuffle of his sleeve against the polished shelf, inhales sharply. He lets it out in a slow sigh, and Wilbur anticipates their witty conversation to halt.

“I gotta apologise, man,” Tommy confesses.

Wilbur perks, folding his arms over his chest to hear what Tommy has to say. 

“Go on,” he urges.

He can hear Tommy swallow thickly and sigh again. “I know I broke your trust, or whatever,” Tommy says, his voice muffled like he’s cupping his hands, “and I moved too quickly when you needed help—which in my defence I wasn’t thinking, but it still isn’t a proper excuse. I don’t…apologise for saving you or knowing where you were in case you did need my help, but I apologise for just fuckin’ not telling you so you could re-whatever yourself to feel safer.”

Wilbur blinks, tightening his fingers around the fabric of his sleeve and curling into his skin. Guilt clawed at him. He hadn’t known Tommy for very long, but he’s gathered enough to know he didn’t apologise very often—or so he’s heard. 

Before Wilbur could comprehend what just happened or even start to reply, he heard Tommy walk off.

So now, the only thing left in the air was Tommy’s echoing apology and the lingering product taste of Wilbur’s dramatised overreacting,

Guilt.

** 

Wilbur spent the rest of the day taking care of the things he didn’t have time to do before. He fixed the bulk of his weapons—sharpened the lead of a pencil and swept the remnants of it up, then went to hell and back trying to clean the deep grey off of his palm and fingertips.

He hadn’t left the walls though. Tommy leaving had made him feel beyond awkward, and no response he could think of portrayed how he felt or conveyed a proper response to an apology from the non-apologist.

And by the time he could hear Tommy pile into his room for the night, Wilbur decided to give up on his fake conversation and simply face his fears. Mental or physical ones, he hadn't decided yet.

He shuffles up from his bed and starts down the hall. As he does, he listens intently for Tommy’s boisterous streaming voice. He hoped he could catch the human before he started his daily streams.

Thankfully, it seemed like an easy task, because although Tommy had already situated himself at his desk and booted up a game, he made no move to his streaming gear.

Wilbur wonders intrusively while drifting down a rope he’d installed to the bookshelf if perhaps the skip in his schedule was because of him. 

The borrower, swiftly, moves onto the lower shelf and disappears back into the walls, the only difference being that he's travelling down the path to Tommy’s desk, which he’d made the opening a while ago when he’d considered visiting Tommy once. (It was a futile attempt.)

He travels down the walls, and when he gets to the abandoned opening, he finds it unblocked, completely visible unlike how he distinctly remembers leaving it.

His eyes narrow at Tommy.

The human notices him quickly, eyes prying away from the screen to catch sight of the unsure borrower. 

Wilbur tenses. 

“Hey, man,” Tommy greets smoothly, “I didn’t think you used that tunnel—opening–…thing.”

Taking a deep breath, Wilbur shakes his head. “I don’t. I made it a few weeks ago and left it alone, I found no use for it. I do distinctly remember covering it up, though,” Wilbur points out. Tommy shrinks back a bit. 

“Yeahh,” he drawls. “Sorry.”

Wilbur shakes his head. “I don’t give a shit anymore.”

“Fair, fair,” Tommy says, glancing at his game and back down to the borrower. “Well, uh, did you need anything, then?”

Wilbur shrugs. “Well—I couldn’t sleep,” he lies. It wasn’t entirely a lie—although he hadn’t really been trying…oh well, Tommy’ll believe it.

“Did’cyu want to have a chat then?”

Wilbur eyes Tommy’s hoodie pocket, knowing he wouldn’t get over his fear if he didn’t try. “Actually–uh, could I just try to fall asleep in your pocket instead? Would you mind?” he asks.

Tommy frowns. “Really? You trust me for that?”

“I want to,” Wilbur admits, shifting from the cutout in the wall and down onto the desk, following along the wooden surface cautiously. He stares up at Tommy, who in return stares back down at him. 

“Yeah, sure, then, just—come here,” Tommy says, moving his hands from his mouse to the table, laid flat only an inch from him. Wilbur stares at the intricacies in it, each line that is spread taut and each colossal finger laid steady for him.

Sighing, Wilbur places an unsure hand to Tommy’s skin, the contact being the first human contact he has ever had. Wilbur can’t even describe the feeling, something faint of a spark or a fan whirring. His eyes narrow as he concentrates on continuing on, pulling himself onto Tommy’s hand until he’s sat in the middle.

Tommy curls his fingers just slightly and lifts it off the table. His gut churns with a new sensation as he watches the ground extend from him as he’s lowered to Tommy’s abdomen, the red cloth of his hoodie’s pocket soon encasing him when Tommy tilts him just slightly inside. He tumbles off and onto the unstable surface. 

At this moment, he is infinitely close to Tommy. He can hear the subtle churning of his gut, which had startled him, but held a strange comfort. 

He’s resting with a traitor, who in his mind posed as more of a saviour at the moment. 

—–—

[brotherseannsfw]

just responding to your post bc this is actually something i’ve been thinking about lately too. i can definitely see where you’re coming from and that’s the way i feel too, but also i think it comes down to you and that partner having an understanding with each other. bc the way i see it, you’re saying your goals require all your focus and attention (which nothing wrong with that, they 100% should) and that’s why it would be unfair to make someone else wait, but what if that person also had goals that likely required the same attention. idk it might just be bc im a hopeless romantic and this could be a totally unrealistic way of looking at it, but i feel like it’d be unfair to cut yourself off from finding someone just bc it would be hard. again if you and that person both had goals, really liked each other, even if you’re going to be away for a long time, i think you could still make it work. given that what you’re hoping to do adds a whole other factor but then again i think it would be good if while you’re gone that person also had stuff they’re focusing on, working towards, bc isn’t that what a relationship is, you both supporting each other, each others goals, understanding even if it means you won’t be able to see each other for a while ? being there for one another during the good, the bad, the easy and hard times alike. can it really be considered making “someone wait for you while you go out and live your life” if they want to be there for you and are also working towards their goals and living their life, just sharing it with you.

idk i might’ve read too much into it but i have a tendency to yap, sorryy 😭 again i’ve just been thinking abt this lately, and you can completely ignore this, ofc you have your own reasons and you don’t need a relationship at all or need to listen to me, just needed to get this off my chest

This is very well put and I broadly agree with you. I suppose I'm not against a relationship with the perfect person, but it takes a special kind of woman. It would have to be the perfect person. Not to mention that I'm not sure when I want to settle down but I know I do and when I do, I'd want my wife to be a stay at home mother/homemaker

[celestie0]

HI ELLIE!!! Omg, I just started reading IHM. I was originally going to hold off until it was done (or mostly done), because I'm a serial monogamist when it comes to a series (RIGHT NOW I AM LOYAL TO KICKOFF lol), but I ended up reading IHM anyways for some reason. I LOVE IT SOOOO MUCH. I know that we're only two chapters in, but I always love and adore how much thought goes into your characters and writing. I found myself giggling the whole way through lul. One thing I noticed after chapter 2 is as much as Gojo annoys reader, he's also strangely attentive to her needs and is a complete foil to Choso. I'm sure this was supposed to be obvious, but I thought it was very sweet how he called her beautiful in the dress (the same dress that Choso didn't acknowledge her in) and how the ring he picked for her was similar to one that she had saved in her wedding mood board. I'm pretty sure it's not exactly intentional on Gojo's part (or maybe it is?? hehe), but I thought it was an interesting detail. Also, I know this is within spoiler territory, so don't feel obligated to answer this, but how angsty will it get between reader and Gojo's relationship? :,) I know that they're both still healing from personal trauma from their past relationships, so will that come into play as they develop feelings for each other? It seems that Gojo is hesitant to talk about his divorce, so would that be a factor or an obstacle that will hinder him from getting too close to reader? Can't wait for future chapters!!! <3 Thank you for spoiling us *__*

OH MY LOVE THIS IS SO SWEET N CUTE N MADE MY ENTIRE DAY!!! PLS???

omg i feel you about the serial monogamy towards one series/show at a time 🤣 except for me it’s probs just hyperfixation 💀 but i’m so happy you decided to give ihm a read 🥺💕 it means sososososo much to me n i’m really excited for the seriesss

AWW IM GONNA SOB TYSM i have put quite a bit of thought into the characters in ihm bc i really want it to be like a web? of interactions btwn them all, and i’m so glad you saw that choso is foil to gojo!! yes!! he is very attentive to her, and i think sometimes it’s intentional n other times it’s just bc they’re meant to be honestly 😭💕 we’ll see that reader too is very vigilant too despite everything she’s got going on :”) i LOVED writing the scene where he calls her beautiful in the dress, every girl deserves to be called pretty in a dress she really adores!! and yeah the ring was totally coincidental but 🤣 again i guess they’re meant to be? hahaha

yesss i think there will be quite a bit of angst between the too, mostly surrounding their ex lovers, and just in general their pasts. i kinda wanted it where reader has lived in town her whole life (childhood home) whereas gojo mysteriously moved in next door less than a year ago, so they both don’t know much about each other despite being next door neighbors. but honestly i think a lot of the angst actually comes from secondary plotlines that end up bringing reader n gojo together!! but there will still be angst between them for suuuure 😭😔 yes gojo is very hesitant to speak up ab his divorce, sorry i simply cannot write gojo without avoidant personality bc i feel like he bottles up a lot in the show too so it just felt fitting 💀😞 but for reader too, i think she kinda…doesnt care to learn much about him as of right now bc she finds him annoying lol, and then later on when she has feelings i think it’ll be too painful for her to learn ab certain things too…so yes definitely i can see how they both would avoid their feelings and instead do the thing most adults do and joke about their feelings to lighten tension or completely avoid them all together 😃😃 (or do i just need therapy loool)

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK my love :”) hope you have a wonderful day/evening/night!! much love from me <33

[schizovalk]

every time i see someone say scaramouche had a redemption arc or is on a path to be redeemed i lose brain cells bc did we play the same game. especially when they're coupled with those takes about his "redemption arc" was bad bc he never making amends for the things he did and that now they're just erased and it's like yea that's the point and also it wasn't a redemption arc 😭

scara doesn't care to for the most part about being redeemed. didn't he say he enjoyed hurting people? not to mention he said he's looking forward to it if people come after him for revenge etc

the whole point of his story is that both he and outside factors prevented him from being free. his connection to ei and existence as a puppet eventually caused him to catch the fatui's eye and lead to a lot of torture and misfortune. in addition, the grudges he wouldn't let go of, his want for revenge, and the fact that he let his life be lead by the pain he endured tied him down. if he never let go of any of these things, he would never be free in any capacity.

when he was erased from irminsul, this opened opportunities for him. he wasn't tied to ei or his existence as a puppet anymore and was allowed to live a peaceful, even if unfulfilling, life. his lesson here after basically wanting to off himself was that even without knowledge of his past or his trauma, his life wasn't any more fulfilling and that all of that is a vital part of who he is. he wasn't truly "free" until he claimed his sins and regained his memories. only then did he make the choice to not let the painful parts of his past control his future and he got the anemo vision.

scara redeeming himself in the eyes of those he's hurt, or more specifically going out of his way to, will never happen because that's not the point of his story nor the lesson he was supposed to learn. in fact, you can argue that going down that path of redemption could only happen by denying himself the freedom he's gained and that's literally never going to happen.

like idk you can definitely hate the route they went with his story cause i was a bit sad about it for a while too but none of this makes him redeemed nor did it change or ruin his entire character. like idk just say you prefered fatui scara and call it a day. not even his place as a new ally to traveler makes him redeemed as much as people say it makes him a completely different person. literally all he did was tone down the evil and agree to process his trauma like everyone else.

he's still rude, violent, thinks he's above others, hard to get along with, talks in riddles, stubborn etc. the only difference is that we personally playing as traveler may not experience that to a terrible extent anymore bc he has no reason to antagonize the traveler anymore and is in fact trying to pay back a perceived debt. and even with that knowledge he's still not buddy buddy with us and wouldn't even be straight with traveler in the event.

plus didn't he say stuff about still wanting revenge on dottore? he's the same person he's just not letting every bad thing that's ever happened to him consume his entire life anymore idk what y'all are talking about. for a group of people that like to complain that genshin keeps redeeming antagonists to make them playable y'all seem to be the only ones who think any of these characters ( scara & childe mostly ) have been redeemed in any capacity and i don't think y'all know what the word means. not actively causing chaos for us ≠ redemption