#lightshade

[elibeeline]

its awards season. the OSCARS was last night. but all im hearing about is john cena

[500sunstone]

anyone else too attached to their wizards' names to change it

[shaunashipman]

here is the colouring tutorial i promised to go with my beginner's gifmaking tutorial.

to save image space, i've written up a simple explanation of how each adjustment layer works here, so i'm just going to over my colouring for these 4 different gifs.

as always, very image heavy underneath

there are many ways to get the same results and i'll use various methods usually just based on what i'm feeling at the moment. some of it is a little convoluted, but hopefully this will give you a rounded idea of how it all works so you feel more comfortable playing around with your own colouring

NADJA

this is the base gif with zero colouring adjustments, just resized and sharpened.

unless the base gif is already very bright, which doesn't often happen because directors nowadays are allergic to light, the first layer i add is always a brightness/contrast layer. i don't adjust any of the sliders, i just change the blending mode to "screen", and then adjust the opacity if needed. this gif was pretty dark, so i left it at 100%,

my next layers are always curves to even out the white and blacks. i use two curves layers, one for white and one for black. i used the white drop-picker and selected just below the lightshade on the lamp behind her, and for the black drop-picker i selected her hair near her neck which gives us this

it's already looking much better, it's not as green tinted, but i want to make the red of her dress pop a bit more. in order to do that without making her face too red, i'm gonna remove some of the yellow. so next i'm gonna add a selective colour layer, and under the yellow channel i moved the yellow slider to -5 and the black slider to -52. now

now that the yellow is reduced, i add another selective layer, and under the red i move the cyan slider to -66 and the black slider to +29. now the red of her dress pops and her face is still a realistic tone. when i first made the gif, i added the red selective layer first, then added another selective layer under it and adjusted the yellows to offset it. you can always shift layers around or add a new layer underneath as you go.

voila

TOMMY

here is our base gif

this scene is better lit than the nadja one, but i prefer bright and colourful gifs, so i'm gonna once again add a brightness/contrast level and keep it at 100%

and then the curves layers to even it all out. since there isn't a spot that is immediately noticeable as white, you can hold the alt button with the white dropper selected and it will highlight all the white/very near white pixels. you can also zoom real close in to select specific pixels. i selected a from the white area around his chin/mouth. the same process works for finding a black spot with the black dropper, and for that i selected from a dark spot in his hair

the curves layers evened it out but also made the gif a bit more red and warm toned, and since i've decided i want the end result to be more blue/green, so i'm gonna add a colour balance layer. in the shadows channel i moved the cyan/red slider to -16, and the yellow/blue slider to +11

now the gif already looks great, it's bright, skin tone is accurate, he's not washed out, but like i said i like my gifs colourful, so i'm gonna add two more selective colour layers. in the first i'm gonna adjust the greens, bringing the magenta slider to -87, and the black slider to +81. in the second layer i'm gonna adjust both the blues and cyans, because when you see blue in a gif it's rarely ever straight blue or straight cyan, so always adjust both. (you could adjust the blue and green in the same layer, but i prefer to do them separately in case i need to move the layers around)

now finally i'm gonna add a hue/saturation layer because i think the blue of his suit is too blue when the sky behind him is more cyan. (also, since you only have 256 different colours to work with, you don't want too many different colours otherwise it will distort the colouring.) in the blue channel i move the hue slider to -12 to make the blue a bit more cyan, and i also move the saturation to +38 to make it pop more

and voila

RHAENYRA

here is the base gif (this one is going to get very convoluted and imo best exemplifies what colouring gifs is like most of the time)

as always, a brightening layer set to screen

now the curves layers. for the white i clicked on her hair at the top of her head, and for the black i i clicked in the shadows to the left of her.

but as you can see, while it added contrast, it also made the gif more green tinted than it was. you could click around more, or manually adjust the red, green, and blue lines on the curves until it looks better but i decided to add a channel mixer layer instead. in the green channel i set the greens to -95, and in the blue channel i set the blue to -97

next i wanted to add a little contrast, but i find that using the contrast in brightness/contrast can saturate it too much, so instead i added a levels layer. first i adjusted the bottom bar, moving the right slider to 230 which reduces the overall brightness of the gif, so when i adjust the top bar it doesn't brighten the gif too much. on the top bar, i moved the right slider to 212, and the left slider to 9

now, i'd like it to be not exactly warm toned, but less cool, and while i could use colour balance or a photo filter, i'm instead going to add a gradient map, using the default gradient pink 08, and setting it to blend mode soft light at 50% opacity

next i just want to increase the blacks a little, so i'm gonna add a selective colour layer and under black i'm gonna set the black slider to +10

it's still not as warm as i'd like, so i'm gonna add a colour balance layer, in the midtones setting the cyan/red to +10 and the yellow/blue to -5

we're almost done, but i want to make her dress pop a bit more, so first i'm gonna add another selective colour to bring the yellows down a bit, setting the black slider to -15

and finally one more selective colour layer, in the reds, setting the cyan slider to -50, the yellow slider to +10, and the black slider to +15

voila

NATALIE

here's the base gif

as always the brightness/contrast layer set the screen

now the curves layer. for the white, i zoomed in and selected a pixel on her cheek under her right eye. for the black i the dark spot just above her head

now she's very yellow, so i added a channel mixer layer. in the red channel i set the reds to +88. in the blue channel i set the reds to +10

she's still a little too yellow for my liking, so i'm gonna add a hue/saturation layer, and under the yellows i'm gonna adjust the saturation to -60

finally, i want her to be a it brighter, so i'm gonna add another curves layer, but instead of using the drop, i'm going to manually adjust it. the two points along the line are where i selected it and then i dragged until it looked how i wanted. i start with the upper dot, which made it brighter and moved the line into an arch, and then selected at the lower end of the line and dragged in back closer to centre to add some darkness and contrast

voila

and that's how i do my colouring. it's generally all trial and error, using a layer to fix one thing and then needing another layer to fix something the previous layer did.

play around, have fun, see what works for you and what doesn't. it will take a while for you to develop your own method and style, and even then you'll come across scenes that make you question if you have any sills at all. you do, directors just hate us

have fun and feel free to ask any questions

[cptn-briggsy-kratch]

God, these people love smearing names.

It’s a blood sample. I’m getting it for Dr. Lightshade.

-📖

“Yeah, see spirits?! She ain’t doin’ shite!”

*He waves his hand around, like he’s proving a point.*

“What’s she need a sample for? And why from Yorgi?”

[476b]

i am un-landlording my new apartment through hell and high water.

so far have:

✅ painted the walls

✅ new knobs for the kitchen

✅ sticker tile for the kitchen backsplash

✅ new kitchen lightshades

to do:

⬜️ sticker tile for shower

⬜️ remove painted on brass hardware and polish it

⬜️ install new shower head

⬜️ put in curtains and remove blinds

[sister-andromeda]

Take Me To Church...

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A/N: posting one of my little song fics from AO3 onto here. It's small with a hiiiint angst. You can find me there by the same name. 🖤

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Take me to church,

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies.

I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife,

Offer me that deathless death.

Oh, oh god, let me give you my life.

The light from the stain glass window filters in leaving streaks of colour over their smooth skin, the cigarette hanging loosely from their fingers as they blow the smoke away to the side. It joins the rest of the pale smoke swirling around the lightshade, joining the musk of sex and sweat already in the air.

Copia is watching them as they run their free hand through their hair. The same hair he had his own fingers twisted in not half an hour before. 

"They think I'm out shopping. Pretty hilarious, right?" They smirk, taking another drag. Copia is entranced by the movement of their lips, thinking of all the sinful things they'd done together through the night. 

It was wrong. They were married. Supposedly unavailable to him, but every part of him screams for them. To get on his knees and worship them like the deity they are. Doomed to spend an eternity trying to resist, only to fall back into bed and start the worship all over again

[mementos-of-me]

Evermore

Chapter 41. I love you, I'm sorry.

Part 2

Previous chapter

Masterlist

This is a hefty chapter, but it's absolutely one of my favorites!

It's finally time to take care of some unfinished business <3

(We're on the eve of a reunion friends :^*)

pairing: Pietro Maximoff x OFC

warnings: Canon-typical violence, PTSD, Dreykov, all the feels.

It looked different from the outside, but inside it was the same.

The threshold laid before me, just a single step forward and I’d be engulfed by the walls that had once imprisoned me. I paused for a moment, watching the guards ahead of me drag an unconscious Yelena, Natasha, and Alexei into containment cells. Behind them, I watched Melina being carried into a cell; though she wore my likeness, it was exceptionally unnerving to witness. A deep, steadying breath filled my lungs, and I clenched my hands into fists at my side before taking that final step over the threshold and following the guards down the corridor. Synchronized footsteps echoed through the door of one of the rooms. I paused at the window, looking in to see a space that was modelled almost exactly the same as the original training rooms from the old Red Room; maybe a little more state-of-the-art, but nauseatingly familiar. Several young women were inside the room, weapons in hand as they followed through with one of their training sequences. Despite much of my childhood and identity being a mystery to me, this, I remembered like the back of my hand. I could do these steps in my sleep. All eyes in the room turned to me as I passed, recognition flashing over their faces but no other emotion present.

I continued on down the corridor, flanked by a single guard who waited outside the elevator as I entered. A set of wooden double doors sat before me, the last remaining barrier between me and a man I had not seen in a very long time. The man who haunted my dreams; the man who took the everything from me.

A buzzing sounded overhead just before the doors swung open. His office matched the entryway leading to it, wood and brick with glimmering, tasseled lightshades, ironically decadent for what it was. It looked just like the original. It seemed I was not the only one who had trouble letting go of the past.

In the center of it all, lounging very nonchalantly on a sofa was the man of the hour.

Dreykov.

Behind him, the armored man who’d been hunting us for the past few days stood guard, still as a statue, as if he was not even breathing.

“My God. Look at you.” He’d gotten old, even his voice reflected that. Though, the moment I heard it I had to fight to remain stoic. Every part of me threatening to tremble and sink back into itself. Dreykov stood from his seat as he continued. “So, uh, how was the family reunion?”

“Oh, it was awful.” I sighed, standing tall as he approached me, closer than I had been to him it over a decade. “They were clingy, and too emotional; needy.”

He chuckled at my words. “Just like old times, no?”

I hummed in agreement, moving my hands behind my back so he would not see how tightly I was clenching them. The leather of my gloves, the only thing stopping my nails from tearing into the flesh and drawing blood. My heart was racing so hard against my chest I was surprised he could not hear it. This feeling was not one I was particularly accustomed to anymore, this unsteadiness. I wasn’t sure if it was the familiarity of these walls or the man before me who was causing me to react this way. Whatever the reason, I chose to summon the feelings that lived beneath the fear, the simmering rage that infiltrated every fiber of my being. The feeling that threatened to boil me into ire and hatred incarnate and keep going until I was nothing but my fury.

“Yelena Belova. What’s the story with her? She was the only one affected, right?”

I nodded. “As far as I know, yes.”

“These gasses and antidotes… it’s a pain in my ass.” He was so close to me I could strike him in one hit, believing I was Melina had lulled him into a causal comfort that would make it so easy for me to attack him. Though I knew the pheromone lock would not allow me to. “It’s a problem. You need to sort it.” He spoke firmly.

“I have nine pigs that will require attending to in my absence.” I told him, attempting to keep up the charade.

Dreykov was speaking before I’d fully gotten the words out. “I don’t give a shit about your pigs.” He took a hold of my shoulders and forced me to sit in the chair opposite his very expensive looking desk. I gritted my teeth hard, using every ounce of strength I possessed to not shove his hands away from me as his hand came down over the top of my head, tilting it backward as he spoke in my ear. “Cut her brain out… Hmm? Identify the weakness.” I swallowed heavily before he moved to sit on the desk opposite me, leaning forward and gripping either arm of the chair, caging me in.

“What about Morozova and Romanoff?”

He scoffed. “Traitors, both of them. They turned their backs on their people, on their blood.” Dreykov shook his head, leaning into my face as he continued, venom dripping from his tongue. “Nadia Morozova,” He tsked. “She was nothing, a pathetic, scared little girl. I gave her a home; I gave her love. She is my greatest disappointment of all. Put that thing in her you do. You know the, uh, chemicals. Turn her into one of your pigs.” He spat. “Remind her what happens to traitors. Can you imagine what I could do with an Avenger under my control? Romanoff can meet the same fate.”

Then, it wasn’t so hard to summon the anger. It rose in me all on its own, threatening to pour out of me in a tidal wave of utter wrath. “Wouldn’t you like to speak to her first?” I responded cooly.

“When you look into the eyes of a child you have raised, you always know, no mask in the world can hide that.” He leaned back, hand lifting but I caught it before it could tap the mask trigger on my temple. Holding onto it roughly, I wanted to break his fucking hand, every bone in it, just to hear him cry but as quickly as I grabbed him the pheromone lock set in and jolted me, making me release my grip on his wrist. The mask deactivating felt like the tickling of a feather over my flesh, almost sending a shiver down my spine. When it cleared Dreykov pulled it from me, a smug look covering his face. “Nadia… my Nadia, you have come home at last. What a shame it is only to die.”  The armored man immediately drew his weapon, aiming it at me but Dreykov lifted his hand. “Now, now. Don’t go breaking my new toy.” I only thought of Yelena and Natasha. I hoped by now Yelena had found the blade we’d hidden in her belt and had freed herself from the medical room before the procedure had begun. Natasha had surely activated her tracker by now and Ross would be on his way. “Was this your plan?”

I tilted my head side to side, humming. “No, my plan is to kill you.”

“I’m alive.” He taunted. “So, what do we do now.”

Without missing a beat, I asked. “Who were my parents?”

He chuckled. “Ah, where I buried them, there was this lovely tree, with little yellow flowers on it, magnificent really. Reminded me of the grave I put Natasha’s mother in. Oh, I am really trying to remember the names inscribed on those tombstones.”

“You’re a liar.” I believed my words, though my heart still stuttered at what he was saying. “I know you, Dreykov, you are nothing if not vain. You would not have gone to all the trouble you did to turn me into this if my parents were not around to see it. I know the truth now, this was personal. So at least have dignity to say their names to my face.”

His lips curved upward as he watched me, a joyous smile spreading across his face. He nodded, once, twice, another laugh coming from him as he took his sweet time as if considering my question. “No.” A word so simple and insignificant yet it was everything, if there were no pheromone lock in place I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop myself from killing him on the spot. “That would defeat the purpose of all that work I did to ensure that you disappeared completely from their lives and all that effort dissolving them from yours, as if they never even existed.” The tone of his voice made it apparent just how much enjoyment he was deriving from this.

“You don’t even feel anything?” My eyes were stinging and no matter how much I fought it the sensation only worsened. “Did you feel something when your daughter was killed?” I gritted out.

“Ah, Natasha’s haunted past? Really? That is your big trump card?” He was downright giggling at me now. “I hope you get to thank your friend for me, she gave me my greatest weapon. Although, I suspect maybe she is already listening.” He tapped his ear to signify the comm he evidently realized I was wearing as he walked toward the armored figure that had not so much as slouched since holstering the gun. Dreykov wrapped his arm around the man. “Say hello.” He muttered. When the mask released and the helmet was lifted, I realized it was not a man at all, but a girl that did not appear much younger than me. Despite the scars that covered her skin, I recognized her right away, Antonia.

Dreykov’s daughter.

“When Natasha’s bomb exploded, it nearly killed my Antonia. I had to put a chip in the back of her neck. Look at her.” He gestured to the girl again. “Do you find it difficult to look at her?” Natasha had not so much as uttered a word over the comms. “I do. She… she watches everything, and she can do it. She’s a perfect mimic.” He entered my space again then. “She fights just like all of your friends. Tell me Natasha, do you want to make her feel better? Want to tell her you’re sorry? Well, you should have thought of that before you blew her face off.” He gritted right into my ear that held the comm. “But enough of all this bullshit.” He sighed, moving away from me finally. “Go to work, I have rats in the basement, go.” He ushered Antonia out of the room like she was nothing more than another faceless soldier. The second the door closed, I pulled the gun from my holster and aimed it at Dreykov’s head.

“That was not very smart.”

He huffed. “How so?���

“You just sent away the only thing that would’ve stopped me from killing you.”

He nodded, thoughtfully. “Try then, do it.” I gripped the gun hard, pressing the trigger as hard as I could even though I knew I’d never be able to fire at him. Still, I strained to pull it. “Is the safety off?” He taunted before pushing my hands to the side and taking the gun like it was nothing. “No?” He aimed the gun at the roof and fired it easily. “Try your knife.” Before the words were even out of his lips I was swinging the blade at him. He caught my wrist and took my weapon again before leaning into my face. “You’re in trouble.”

I swallowed my pride, playing along. “How are you controlling me?”

“I’m not controlling you, Nadia. Well, not yet, but there is a pheromonal lock. Smelling my pheromones prevents you from committing violence against me.” He lifted his hand to hit me, and I flinched away, another blow to my pride. This was not a very fun part to play. He turned away from me, walking back to his desk to take a seat. “I’m very upset with Melina. It’s a shame I have to kill her.” I thought of Antonia who was headed for the basement where Melina and Alexei were being held. He pulled a tablet from his desk drawer, a camera loading on the screen to reveal Melina in the server room attempting to initiate the landing sequence for Ross. “So, this was the big plan, huh? Melina was going to land the Red Room and hand me over to the authorities.” He hit a few buttons and locked her out.

“So, what now, you’re gonna fold me into your pathetic little puppeteer act?” I baited, time for my part of the plan.

Dreykov’s eyebrows rose at my words. “Pathetic, huh?”

I nodded. “Yeah, what would you call it?”

“I would call it-” I cut him off before he could continue.

“When was the last time that you had a conversation with somebody that wasn’t forced to talk to you?” I began toward his desk.

He huffed. “You ran away to fight in the wrong war. The real war was fought here, in the shadows.”

His words had me breathing a laugh. “You didn’t fight in the shadows. You hid in the dark.”

“Real power comes from undetectable influence.”

My eyebrows rose and I planted my hands on the wood on his desk, leaning forward to talk to him just as he’d spoke to me so many times, superiority dripping from every syllable. “If no one’s noticing, then why even do it? I mean to everyone else in the world… You are nothing.” He hummed, looking away in attempted nonchalance. However, I had spent half my life being trained to observe every shift in a person's demeanor no matter how subtle. I knew I was digging my way under his skin, just the place I wanted to be. “You have nothing.”

“There are 50 people on this planet…”

I scoffed loudly. “Oh, stop it.”

He snapped then, slamming his hands against the table and standing, attempting to make himself big. “Don’t tell me to stop!” He shouted.

This time I didn’t flinch, the fearful girl from before was long gone. I leaned further into his space. “If I don’t tell you when to stop, then how will you know when to shut up?”

The impact of his punch forced me backward off of the desk, my head swinging to the side. I grunted, swinging my jaw back and forth to relieve the ache there. “Come on. You really think I can’t take a punch?” My words were laced with amusement as I laughed theatrically at him.

Dreykov rounded his desk. “Oh.” He hummed, his fist slamming into my jaw yet again, harder this time, causing me to stumble slightly. The man before me grunted with exertion.

“God damn it, you’re so weak.” I taunted, my laughter only growing.

His teeth were gritted so tightly I’m surprised they hadn’t cracked. “Weak?”

“Easier to act tough in front of defenseless little girls, no?”

“That’s enough.” He growled and punched me again, so hard I fell to the ground, unable to hide the sound that fell from my lips. I quickly moved to perch on the ground, readying myself for his next move, an amused look quickly spreading across my face, despite the pain that thrummed through me.

Dreykov kicked me back down to the ground. “You wouldn’t be so glib if you had any notion of the scope of what I’ve built.” I move back to my knees, attempting to wipe that blood that dripped from my nose. “I own this world. Me.” He insisted.

I scoffed yet again. “You seem desperate to impress me.”

“I don’t need to impress you. I don’t need to impress anyone.” He turned away from me quickly, presumably to hide the anger. His chair squeaked as he yanked it roughly out from the desk so that he could pull out a drawer with a scan pad on it. “These world leaders, these great men, they answer to me and my widows.” He scanned the large ring her wore on his pinkie, bringing up a hologram map of the world with innumerable glowing dots. “Look at them. These girls were trash. They are thrown out into the street. I recycle the trash. And I give them purpose. I give them a life.” On the screen several images appeared, profiles of each widow, countless girls that he’d subjugated, girls who were nothing to him, just a means to an end.

I heard Yelena, Natasha and Melina communicating over the comms. Yelena and Nat had the vials, but Melina was having trouble.

Dreykov spoke again then. “It’s my network of widows that help me control the scales of power. One command, the oil and stock markets crumble. One command, and a quarter of the planet will starve. My widows can start and end wars. They can make and break kings.” I saw it all before my eyes, all of the destruction, the suffering that he took pleasure in, it was all revealed to me. “And with you and Natasha, Avengers under my control, I can finally come out of the shadows using the only natural resource that the world has too much of. Girls.”

My skin felt hot as the dormant anger that had lived within me for all these years roared to life. “All that from your little console, Dreykov?”

“That’s General Dreykov to you, girl.” He thought it was a reprimand, a reminder of who had the power in this dynamic, however, all it did was reassure me that I’d rattled him. My lips curved upward. “Oh, you find this amusing? Why are you smiling?”

“Don’t take it personal, but, uh… Thank you for your cooperation. Though, you weren’t quite strong enough, so… I’ll have to finish it myself.”

My conversation with Melina’s echoed through my head.

“Even if you locate the database and get him to show you the key, you won’t be able to take it from him. For years, Dreykov has implemented a pheromonal lock in all widows, even me. So, as long as we can smell him, then we won’t be able to hurt him.

I shrugged. “So, I’ll hold my breath.”

“Not enough. This is basic science. Nadia, to block receptors in olfactory center, you have to sever the nerve.”

Dreykov chuckled again. “What are you going to do?”

I slammed my face against the desk as hard as I could, a sickening crunch filling the room as I broke my own nose. “Sever the nerve.” I felt the trickle of blood down to my lips but only smiled at the bemused man before me. “Why the long face? After all, it was you who wanted me to learn how to dismantle someone from the inside out. Tell me… how do you like having your own lessons used against you. Do you feel something now, General Dreykov?” Even when dripping with mockery, attributing a title of any rank to him made me sick to my stomach. When the reality of the situation dawned on him, he quickly reached for the tablet, but I was quicker, I grabbed his hand yanking it forward over the table and away from the device before unsheathing the knife in my belt and driving it through the back of his hand until it anchored his limb to the wood of his desk. I slipped the ring from his finger before letting go. He cried out in agony, knees buckling. So caught up in his pain that he did not even notice that I’d taken his ring. He looked like he’d seen a ghost as the blood dripped down his flesh.

The ship trembled beneath my feet causing me to stumble slightly and red lights began flashing around me, alarms ringing throughout the rooms. Melina’s voice came across the comms then. “Girls, slight change of plan. I completely demolished one of the engines and we are going into a controlled crash.”

“Fantastic. Natasha and I are heading to the widows now.” Yelena responded.

I breathed a small laugh as the room shook, his fancy glass chandeliers swaying heavily. I leant onto the handle causing it to wedge further into the wood and wiggle within Dreykov’s hand causing another shout of utter agony to wretch from his lips. “Oh, don’t worry, it’s like you said to me… pain…” I wiggled the handle again. He was pale as a ghost as I continued. “It’s just weakness leaving the body.” I finally pulled the knife out of the desk and his hand, causing him to crumple fully to the floor. He scrambled to catch himself, using his unaffected hand and elbows to drag himself away, though he didn’t get far before I kicked him in the side to make him roll over onto his back. “Not so talkative now, are you?” He moved back to his feet but I roundhouse kicked him, causing him to slam into his desk before falling to the ground again. “You took my childhood; you took my will, my choices; you took everything from me to try and break me, but you’re never gonna do that to anybody ever again.” I grabbed him by the collar, slamming him back onto the concrete and swiftly moving to pin him down.

“The only part of it I regret… is not making you suffer more, my little pet.” He managed to grunt out over the pain.

I nodded, a smile spreading across my lips. It was like I could feel flames licking at my skin as I raised my fist with the knife in it, still dripping with his blood. I gritted my teeth, the rage that lived within me clawed its way further up, it had seeped from beneath my flesh and now I was covered in it. “Goodbye, Dreykov.” I muttered. This was it, the moment I’d been robbed of before, the retribution I’d needed for all these years. Dreykov’s life would be mine, the final piece to end this all for good. I’d once said that I hated him for what he did to me so much that hate was inadequate a word. He had taken everything from me, from so many girls. He had turned me into something I despised and taken pleasure in it. This was what he deserved. Yet, as I looked down at him, hand raised, knife clutched tightly in my fist, I recognized in his eye, for maybe the first time, fear, genuine dread and helplessness. This was a moment that had played out in my head a million times now, I’d imagine this look on his face numerous times. It should have been satisfactory; I should have been pleased by it. However, all I could think about was Oksana, the way he’d pressed my hand around the gun and encouraged me to pull the trigger, I thought of all of the lives I’d taken when the red controlled every part of me. But the red was gone now. Now, it was just me. The words Tony had said to me the day he revealed my new suit, echoed through my head.

“now, you can control the red”

If I finished him, it would be in cold blood, with him lying vulnerable on the floor beneath me. As much as he may not want to die, he wanted to see my dissolution more. It occurred to me then that I was giving him exactly what he wanted. I was proving him right, being the person he wanted me to be, the one puppeteered by him. The one whose only purpose was to destroy. The red did not control me anymore, I controlled it.

Before I even had the chance to decide what my next move was every thought in my head shattered and agony overtook my body. I couldn’t move or speak as my body fell to the ground beside him, wracking with the pain of the widow’s byte that had been used on me.

I groaned with the echoes of the shock but rolled over quickly, forcing myself back to my feet before the group of widows that blocked the door. Dreykov moved through them easily. “Nobody leaves this room until she’s dead. Make her suffer.” Before he left the room he glanced back at me. “You know it has always been fascinating to me that you consider yourself an Avenger. Do you really think you are anything like your friends?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Because you are nothing like them, Nadia. You are not a hero, it does not matter how hard you try, you will never be that. It isn’t who you are, it’s not in your DNA, I made sure of that.” With those words he turned and left.

The fact that his words had any effect on me at all was infuriating. I attempted to steel myself against them, but I could not deny that they ate away at me, corroding me inside out. Perhaps, it was nothing to do with who he was, but more to do with the fact that now the voice in the back of my head was not alone. I swallowed heavily, rolling my shoulders.

When the door was closed the group of women began to close in on me. “I don’t want to hurt you and you don’t want to hurt me.” Three of them launched forward swinging electrified batons at me, I ducked under it and pulled the girl who’d swung downward to disarm her and sweep her feet. Once I had her baton in hand, I narrowly blocked the next attack and shocked the girl who was coming at me before dropping to a knee and punching the third girl in the stomach and standing to grab her hand and point the baton away from me. I kept my grip strong as I swung her down to the ground and used the momentum to kick the widow running at me from behind. I finally got the baton from the previous girl and whirled around only to get stuck by yet another widow, the impact causing me to fall on top of Dreykov’s desk. “Okay so maybe you do want to hurt me.” I groaned to myself, turning over just in time to block another girl’s hit.

I aimed her arm toward one of the others and triggered the byte to incapacitate her. When I managed to slip from beneath her I forced her wrist away for me so she could not shock me, but she yanked away causing us to tumble over the desk in a battle to control. She punched me hard and tried to kick me over the furniture between us, but I caught her leg and yanked her over the desk to hit her. However, before my fist collided with her, I was tackled backward onto the ground. I kicked the one who had attacked me away and moved back to my feet swiftly, firing Widow’s bytes at as many of the women as I could. Most of them fell to the floor, but three grouped up to slam me into a pillar and hold their connected batons to my throat. I yanked the weapons apart and headbutted the girl in front me hard, the distraction enough to slip past the other two widows. But one of them caught me and threw me across the room, causing me to fall over the desk yet again, crumpling to the ground on the other side. By this time all the previously incapacitated widows were back on their feet, and they moved toward me. I pushed myself to my knees again, but someone’s boot slammed into my already aching face, causing me to fall back onto my stomach. I dragged myself away, but another boot collided with my head. I hit a baton away and kicked a girl’s foot to trip her before she could strike me, but it was no use as one of them grabbed me from behind, pulling me up and into a chokehold while they punched me and kicked me in the stomach, again and again.

Throughout the continuous hits all I could think about was Pietro. His letter had stuck to me like a second skin since I read it. All this time, I’d thought he hated me for what I’d done but I was completely wrong. I was not sure if that made it all better or much worse. It was a lot easier to throw myself into the fight thinking that he never wanted to see me again rather than realizing that if this was it for me, I would be leaving with so much left unsaid.

My body was in such immense amounts of pain and my mind so caught up in the thought of Pietro that I barely even registered the explosion overhead. When the blows had ceased and I collapsed forward onto my hands, I looked upward to see a flurry of glittering red specks descending on us. It was like the delicate fall of snow or rain only crimson. My body took the reins before I even had time to make a decision and I took a deep breath, filling my lungs to the brim. Finally, for just one moment there was silence; nothingness. But then every muscle in my body tensed sharply like electricity was pulsing through my every nerve ending. The flecks of red seeped into my skin, invading every part of me, my airways, my blood, my lungs. I felt it smooth over my mind last of all, penetrating every crevice of every thought and recollection and then it halted for a moment. I barely felt it hit the barrier in my mind over all the other sensations. The halt was short lived, however, as it wrapped itself around the wall, travelling along the expanse of it before digging in, pressing, constricting it from all sides until it completely shattered and suddenly my mind was filled with… everything. Images flickered past, moments, sounds, smells and sensations all overtook me, filling my head and if I wasn’t already kneeling, I was sure my knees would’ve buckled. That breath felt like the first real one I’d taken; it was like finally waking up after years of being half lidded; half conscious. I was barely even aware of where I was in the world. 

“Stars shining bright above you.”

A soft hand brushed a curl from my eyes and when I looked up, I saw the woman’s face with complete clarity. Her honeyed blonde hair, adoring brown eyes that reflected my own face. A single string of pearls hanging from her neck. “Night breezes seem to whisper…” she leaned in to press a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I love you.” 

A tug on my pigtail and then there was that familiar boy again, smiling so brightly down at me. He tightened the strap of my backpack and took my hand. “Come on, bug.” But where the moment stopped before and fizzled away to nothing it continued. I remember following along after the boy down the New York street, remembered how it felt to hold his hand and the easy conversation that flowed between us. The warm safety of his arm resting around my shoulders surrounded me. I recalled him reading to me late at night when I’d had a nightmare and sought him out for comfort. The dim glow from his bedside lamp painting everything in shades of gold as his voice pulled me to sleep. 

I could remember the way the way the peonies smelt in my mother’s garden and the soft crunch of sun-soaked grass beneath my feet. My mother… I had a mother.

“Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl.” There was a house on the coast, that was where the garden was. Summers spent in those halls flooded my mind, laughter pouring from room to room. We’d visit that house when my parents argued because my father worked too much. I could hear their voices so clearly it was like they were right there before me. 

My parents.

My brother. 

They were there; they had existed. They had belonged to me… I had belonged to them. I had been a part of a family, I remember now. 

I recalled sitting down for my Russian lessons when I was with Hydra, the headset that was strapped onto me day in day out, forcing me to adapt the language as my own.

And then I remembered a singular word, two syllables, the sound of it echoing through my head and wrapping tightly around me like an embrace. I could see it written, everywhere, the back of photographs, embroidered on my backpack. A word I had learned to spell, to sound out, a word that had always lived within me.

Though, the speed with which it all came back to me, the tidal wave of emotions and memories, threatened to swallow me whole; pull me beneath the surface and drown me in the breadth of it all. When it all came back to me it was still jumbled, like wading through a picture album that had been rearranged again and again and set back to front not once but endlessly. I couldn’t make sense of it.

But I remembered and the memories had not dissipated into vague moments like normal, no, they lived within me. They existed freely in my mind. Two sets of arms wrapped around me, pulling me to my feet and I cried out in pain as the jolt. When I opened my eyes, I saw Natasha and Yelena, pulling me from the center of the group and helping me stand upright.

A voice piped up then, though, she spoke in Finnish. “What do we do now?”

“You get as far away from here as possible. You get to make your own choices now.” Natasha said. The sound of metal groaning filled the room and the tower crumbled further. “We’ve gotta get out of here.” She added. Nudging me toward Yelena.

I shook my head, grabbing her by the hand, pressing the ring into her palm. “Dreykov’s files. We have to get them.”

Natasha nodded. “You two go. Find Dreykov, I’m right behind you.” She said, running back into the room. I hesitated, glancing between her and Yelena. “Nadia, go, I’m right behind you. I promise.”

With those words she turned to the drawer and began opening the digital files again.

Yelena tugged me hard toward the door before exiting herself. I wrapped my hands around my nose, forcing it back into place with a cry before finally turning and following her out as the tower continued to rattle and crumble. We took the stairs two at a time, rushing through the rooms to get out onto the landing platform where Dreykov was being ushered to a helicopter to be airlifted out. We made it out of the building just in time to see which one he boarded. Another jolt in the tower’s structure caused me to be thrown forward onto the tarmac as Yelena aimed her grapple rope onto the helicopters roof to launch herself atop it. She climbed up onto the wing as it began to ascend, pulling out her own electrified baton and holding it above her head victoriously.

I yelled her name, moving to my feet once more and running forward. She looked down at me, a small smile on her face. “This was fun.” She called down before jamming the baton into the engine causing the entire helicopter to erupt into flames, throwing her backward.

Without another thought I ran forward, grabbing the parachute that had been discarded and leaping from the platform. Wind whipped around me as I fell, gripping the bag tightly. In the distance I heard my name, a glance back, hard as it was to see through the chaos of the collapsing tower, revealed Natasha hot on my tail. I pulled my limbs in tightly allowing me to soar downward toward Yelena who continued to freefall.

The dread in the pit of my stomach did not settle until I reached her, strapping the backpack to her and holding on tightly to the straps as I launched the parachute, slowing our descent. She stared at me wordlessly the whole time, eyebrows slightly knitted together.

I was breathing hard, my heart still racing, hands a little shaky. “The Red Room was death.” I spoke up, unprompted by her. “I let you die alone once… I’m not doing it again.” I spoke. She didn’t respond, only continuing to stare at me. I grabbed a hold of Natasha’s hand as she neared us, Yelena taking the other, our descent beginning to pick up again. The trio was short-lived however, as we spotted Antonia approaching rapidly. Without uttering a word to either of us, Natasha moved to shove us away propelling herself out of our proximity and toward the very insistent assassin. “Natasha!” I shouted, reaching out for her again but she was already too far out of reach. She managed to avoid Antonia’s knife as she grappled onto her and launched the girls parachute, slowing their descent just enough to save them as they crashed into the ground. It was then I realized how close we were to the ground and how quickly we were still going. I grabbed Yelena’s hands tightly in mine. “I’m sorry, Yelena.” And with that I let go, allowing the parachute to slow her landing without the weight of an extra person.

The impact of the ground was the last thing I fell into darkness.

Whether it was a moment or an hour that passed I couldn’t be sure but when I opened my eyes Yelena and Natasha leaned over me. “Always so dramatic.” Yelena tsked teasingly. The two women took each of my hands and pulled me back to my feet. She gestured between herself and Natasha. “We had a whole moment, and you missed it.”

“So sorry.” I breathed as I rubbed my temples to soothe the pain that thudded in my head. Natasha wandered over to Antonia who laid on her back staring up at the sky and was, most notably, not trying to kill any of us. I narrowed my eyes at the pair. “Exactly how much did I miss?”

“A lot.” Yelena nodded. Looking away for a long moment. She sighed and rubbed a hand over her face, it was evident that there was something she wanted to say but was struggling to find the words. “You know, I have been so mad at you for so long. Mad that you and Natasha always had your little duo that I wasn’t a part of, with all of your secrets that I didn’t get to know. I was mad that I was constantly on the outside, mad that she told you she was leaving but not me. Then I was mad because I realized that she didn’t tell you at all and you were just protecting me all along and I didn’t even know.” Her voice cracked then, just as it had at the dining table in Melina’s cottage. “I was so furious that you had taken their relentless interrogation and torture all while shielding me. You weren’t supposed to do that; you were the baby; I was supposed to protect you…”

I had not realized that she knew about all of that. It was all so vivid in my mind, like it was only yesterday. It is like she said before, after Natasha escaped, they wanted to make sure no one else could. They knew we were close, all three of us. She must have left clues for at least one of us. They wanted to torture Yelena and I both to get the answers. So, I had to change their minds. I made sure they thought Yelena was nothing but a bothersome little sister. Natasha never told me she was defecting, all she left was the post card after she was gone, but I knew nothing before that. After I realized that they would have brought Yelena into it I told them that I did know, that Natasha had hinted it to me but I’d assumed she meant nothing by it. Then I said:

“I made sure that she never poisoned Yelena’s mind with her weakness.”

I supposed I figured I was Dreykov’s protégé, he would not want me to be killed and if he changed his mind, well, after weeks of torture death did not seem such a terrible fate. It did not matter to me as long as I shielded Yelena from it.

“Yelena-” before I could continue, she was cutting me off, tears brimming her green eyes making them gleam.

“Why did you do that?! They tortured you for days, he sent you to die on that mission in St. Petersburg. It was not a coincidence that they reassigned you at the last second, Nadia, it was a suicide mission. He did it because he knew he could not control you anymore, he knew that even their fucking chemicals weren’t strong enough.”

It all made perfect sense to me then. That Hydra agent had been waiting for me, he was sent to kill me. Everything made sense now. I had begun remembering; reverting, in the Red Room, that’s why Barnes was sent away. Hydra didn’t want to risk one of their assets getting out of containment, they were all in on it. It was all there, readily available to me in my memories, jumbled, but there when I looked for it. It all felt so overwhelming.

“God, he’s an asshole.” I murmured.

When I looked back at Yelena her eyes were gleaming with the tears that now made a steady stream down her cheeks. A frown etched into her expression as she shoved me half-heartedly. “Why? Why couldn’t you just let me take some of the pain?”

“Because I love you!” The tears came before I could stop them, like torrential rain out of nowhere. “I know that I was never a part of you and Natasha’s little family in Ohio, but you were my family; both of you. I couldn’t let them do to you what they were doing to me.”  It was like a weight off my chest, as if those three words had set me free. My head was spinning from the high of it. It occurred to me that I’d never told someone I loved them before, never admitted to feeling so deeply for anyone, but then my newly acquired memories told me otherwise. I had said those words before, just not since before the Red Room. I had, however, felt them since.

Before I could process what was going on, Yelena pulled me into a tight embrace, barely allowing me space to breathe. I hesitated, arms twitching at my sides, inching forward before lowering again. After a moment of indecision, I stopped myself, taking a breath and wrapping my arms around her. When Natasha approached once more, smile on her face I yanked her forward by the hand and in a gesture that was not like me at all I embraced both of them at the same time.

“You are a part of our family.” Yelena murmured so quietly I would never have heard it if I weren’t this close.

“Сестры.” Natasha added.

Sisters.

“This is a very sweet moment.” I heard Alexei call, causing me to lift my head from Yelena’s shoulder to see him and a limping Melina.

My head was thumping, my entire body almost numb from the combined pains of the day, so much so that I didn’t catch a lot of the conversation between the four of them as I eased myself to sit on a rock and give my body a break. I did, however, hear tires on gravel as a line of God knows how many shiny SUVs approached.

“Here comes the cavalry.” Natasha said.

I huffed, pushing my hair out of my face. “Oh great.”

“So, what’s our plan?” Melina asked, looking between Nat and me.

Natasha turned toward the cars. “You guys go. I’ll stay.”

I shook my head, but it was Alexei who spoke first. “That’s insanity. We fight. We fight with you.”

“I’ll hold them off. You guys go.”

Her insistence caused the four of them to quickly descend into bickering. “Oh, for God’s sake, stop with the arguing I will throw up if I hear any more, honestly. You three go,” I gestured toward, Alexei, Yelena, and Melina – “I’ll stay with her. I mean if the four of you work it out, there may be some hope for the Avengers after all.” I teased, a soft smile crossing my lips.

“Okay, well, if you’re both leaving, then I guess you should take this. I know how much you liked it.” She unzipped her special vest, handing it over to Natasha. “You can take turns wearing it.”

I snorted as Nat fiddled with it. “Shucks. It does have a lot of pockets.” She reached into the pocket and pulled out the one remaining vial, handing it over to Yelena along with a copy of Dreykov’s files. “He had widows implanted all over the world. Melina will need to copy the formula, but you should be the one to tell them it’s over.”

In the distance I saw a jet land and the doors opened to reveal the widows who’d been in the tower. Melina, Yelena and Alexei all approached, bringing Antonia with them as they boarded. Melina turned back as she stepped aboard glancing at me briefly. I nodded at her once, a simple gesture but I knew she understood the meaning behind it.

It did not need to be spoken; it was a shared truth. After all, we were two sides of the same coin. I did not need to tell her that I understood why she’d done everything she had, because she knew. With that she turned and closed the door.

I looked over at Natasha who’d come to sit beside me. “You’re not going to try to talk me out of staying?”

“Oh, I thought I should probably just save my breath, you wouldn’t have listened anyway and I’m pretty sure we’re going to have enough talking to do when Ross arrives.”

I nodded in agreement. Looking out at the SUVs that were now pulling up before us. An absurd number of agents piling out, heavily armed, all weapons trained on us. As they began moving toward us, we both put our hands up, and I glanced at the redhead beside me from the corner of my eye. “I remember, Natasha, I remember everything.”

[pandoradoesotherstuff]

Take me to Church

------------------------------------

A/N: I wrote a little tiny piece based on the chorus of Hozier - Take me to Church. It's the first thing I've written for a long time and I'm very happy. It's all the first thing I've posted for the Ghost band random on here.

Enjoy! ❤️

------------------------------------

Take me to church,

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies.

I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife,

Offer me that deathless death.

Oh, oh god, let me give you my life.

The light from the stain glass window filters in leaving streaks of colour over their smooth skin, the cigarette hanging loosely from their fingers as they blow the smoke away to the side. It joins the rest of the pale smoke swirling around the lightshade, joining the musk of sex and sweat already in the air.

Copia is watching them as they run their free hand through their hair. The same hair he had his own fingers twisted in not half an hour before. 

"They think I'm out shopping. Pretty hilarious, right?" They smirk, taking another drag. Copia is entranced by the movement of their lips, thinking of all the sinful things they'd done together through the night. 

It was wrong. They were married. Supposedly unavailable to him, but every part of him screams for them. To get on his knees and worship them like the deity they are. Doomed to spend an eternity trying to resist, only to fall back into bed and start the worship all over again.

[revenant-coining]

Crepusculescenic

(pt: Crepusculescenic /end pt)

(id: a rectangular flag with 9 equally-sized horizontal lines. colors in order from top to bottom are a gradient from dark blue to blue to dark blue. /end id)

(id: a rectangular flag with 9 equally-sized horizontal lines. colors in order from top to bottom are dark blue, grey-blue, blue, light blue, white, light blue, blue, grey-blue, and dark blue. /end id)

(id: a rectangular flag with 9 equally-sized horizontal lines. colors in order from top to bottom are dark grey, grey, off-white, light blue, blue, light blue, off-white, grey, and dark grey. /end id)

Crepusculescenic/Dimglowaesic/Lightshadeaesic/Twishadeaesic/Wetshadeaesic; an aesthetigender connected to the “crepusculescence”/”dim glow”/”lightshade”/”twishade/“wetshade” aesthetic (link).

Darknauticalaesic; an aesthetigender connected to the “dark nautical” aesthetic (link).

3rd flag is an accidentally recoin of webcreepaesic (link)! please view this as an alternative flag!

etymology; crepusculescenc, “ic” meaning of or pertaining to/dim glow/lightshade/twishade/wetshade

etymology; dark nautical, aesic/lighthouse, coric

let us know if these have been coined before!

for cam!

tagging; @radiomogai, @thecoffeecrew404

[buffskeleton]

finally put the lightshade up in the living room only took me 6 months. anything is possible when you out your mind to it

[billythewitchesbane]

Six (fertilised) quail eggs in your heart cavity

*Dals and Lightshade are gonna have a hell of a surprise.*

[cozypixelfluff]

Who loves art, garden lights, and 3D printing? Well, you're in luck because this elegant solar light shade was designed specifically (by me 😊) to enhance the beauty of your outdoor space. Compatible with big box store tapered path LED solar lights, this modifiable and easy to assemble shade gives you the option to hang your lights anywhere in your garden to produce a stunning bokeh lighting effect. If you enjoy 3D printing and saving money on garden lighting, this shade is long-lasting, cost-efficient, and reusable with inexpensive solar light bulbs.

Just head on over to my CozyPixelFluff shop on Etsy (link in bio) to find the .STL file for easy 3D printing. Whether you're planning a party, bridal event, or looking to improve the ambiance in your outdoor space, these versatile solar light shades truly are the perfect accessory!

#gardenlights #3dprinting #solarlights #solarlightshade #lightshade #lampshade #hanginggardenlights #bridalparty #wedding #bridalevent #party #cozypixelfluff #outdoorlights #stl #stlfile #3dprint #diy #gardening #garden #decorativelighting #interiordecor #ambiance #homeandgarden #art

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[weepingfoxfury]

'No I, couldn't live without your love' sings Petula Clarke, today's radio birthday girl ... another day, another tour of the neighbourhood on the trail of another parcel delivered to a neighbour's house instead of ours ... the flies carry out their little courtship dance beneath the lightshade, don't they know it's November? ... the rooks are here this morning, waiting to see what cat food they can steal ...

[rowanthekittydoghypokits]

Birchface x Reedshine hypokits? ;3

I’m back yall! Meet LightShade (they/them), kit of birchface and reedshine. I’ve been wanting to add little lore/backstory to these guys so ima start with them.

Birchface and reedshine had a small Romance sometime before MV, having to break it off due to the warrior code. Lightkit was born shortly after reedshine and Appledusk became mates. Apple cheats with mapleshade, Appledusk kills birchface, reedshine grieves, mapleshade is exiled and is brought too riverclan but is exiled however this time reedshine breaks up with apple even tho she’s preg. Mapleshade gets a good look at lightpaw before she was kicked out of riverclan and realizes who their father is, she later brings it up during the snakerocks confrontation asking freckle if she would’ve treated her own brothers kid with the same distaste as she did with maples kids once she found out they where from riverclan, Frecklewish is shocked but Is bit by an adder before she could reply. The rest of MV Plays out the same after that. Even though LightShade has a disdain for Appledusk because he killed their dad, he still loves his half siblings when they’re born and they die as an elder sometime during crookedstars promise.