#like 'it's fine i'll fix everything i'll destroy myself to help you it's okay' ))))):

[jamesunderwater]

in thinking about the next chapter i've been mulling over the many comments about james that people left on chapt 10 (and a lot about @kay-elle-cee and @basslineescapeact's comments) which were just all so helpful and inspiring, and so to help me flesh him out more i was like i'll add more songs to his part of the playlist and ya'lllllllllllll these two fucking SONGS are SO JAMES CODED it's KILLING ME

break for you by valley Give me your broken, give me your burden All of the hurt you hideaway Give me your ugly, give me your lonely All of the words you're scared to say Baby, come closer, head on my shoulder You know I'll carry all the weight Give me your broken, give me your burden I'll break, I'll break, I'll break, I'll break for you

mirrorball by taylor swift (i've seen other ppl say this about him too but 😭 it's just so true and painful) I want you to know I'm a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself tonight I'll get you out on the floor Shimmering beautiful And when I break it's in a million pieces Hush, when no one is around, my dear You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes Spinning in my highest heels, love Shining just for you

[werywrenniethoughts]

Help Wanted 2: Lets Talk About Sun (Spoilers for Help Wanted 2!)

Okay,

I've had some time to digest Help Wanted 2. What a freaking roller coaster. I'm assuming you all have played/watched/seen Help Wanted 2, so be advised if you haven't seen everything we have access to so far, I'll be bringing it up.

One thing I'll say upfront is its nice to know Sun and Moon ARE older like I theorized. They're tied to the Fall Festival which took place in 1970 per one of the prize collector posters and the fact they deal with the carousel. I think Steel Wool also tried to point out and confirm Moon is patient zero for....I guess I should say Vanny's influence in the PizzaPlex. He's definitely the favorite to be pitted against us. I'm STILL losing my mind over the Princess Quest Ending.

So, the DCA fandom has been all across the board, ranging from "I love sassy Sun" to "Sun is SO mean. This ruins my headcannon." I don't think it really does. At least, it doesn't have to.

Our first encounter with Sun in front of us is Arts and Crafts. This minigame is located in the world we eventually learn is AR. We also are clearly a new FazBear hire. Sun is definitely sassy, and let's face it, VERY critical of what he defines as a mistake. BUT the flip side of that coin is he is still nice when you do the art correctly. He calls you friend, he wants to help you. If the player eats the crafts, he loses his mind. It's because he's worrying for the player due to the effects eating the crafts will have on them, ie: "That is how you get ulcers!". (By far, MY FAVORITE line of Sun's btw. Kellen stated that line and the indigestion line were both improved btw- genius.) He still doesn't want Moon to get you, he doesn't want to get in trouble. The one threat is after you've been hitting him several times and you've outright pissed him off. (I personally, think the "I should turn off the lights myself" was a drama king being a drama king.) Then we take the mask off. We see everything destroyed and Sun acts like the Sun we've always known. "I'm perfectly fine where I am. It's better this way. It's safer this way." "Keep the generator on. Without it I won't be able to help you." He's the same as he's always been. We've just seen a new layer.

What we ultimately have to come to terms with, is that Sun is a control freak and a perfectionist. He thinks he "has" to be. He doesn't want you to move from your craft table so he can watch you like a hawk. Do the job you are assigned. Get in, get out. Do the art HIS way, and follow HIS rules. If you don't, bad things can happen. Bad things HAVE happened. Another explanation could also be that maybe he isn't as free of the glitch trap virus as we thought? He can be sassy, he can be brutally honest, he can be concerned for us, for children, and his own darkness can rear its head, all at the same time.

Steel Wool could also be trying to slam into our faces that Sun is incomplete. He is one-half of a whole. He has good intentions, he means well at his core, but he cannot stop, regroup, and act rather than react. He gets stressed, and can't cope and adjust. Instead, he demands control back when he feels like he's about to lose it. Moon is calm, calculating, and logical. It's why they need to be whole and why Sun is so grateful to Cassie when she fixes them to become Eclipse. As Eclipse, they both find the parts of themselves they've so desperately needed.

[chuchiotaku]

OH MY GOD! YOU'RE BACK! YOU'RE... Y-YOU'RE FINALLY BACK HERE!!!

I honestly (almost) don't care that you uploaded the new chapter, I'm way more assured that you are okay and well! After this much time, I could only hope nothing bad had happen.

But I swear that the moment I saw that you updated TBA, I jumped around like a Disney's sitcom Teen Girl, stopped everything I was doing and feasting over your great writing! Now, let me ramble a little bit over this new, great work of yours!

(... also, sorry for the delay, but for some reason I didn't notice you uploaded? Not even on Fanfic.net... maybe it was because it was right around christmas and I didn't noticed it? I don't know, I just want to excuse myself-)

Let's start with Ronald and his new pet friend: what are they called again? Windcallers? I searched everywhere for information about these creatures, but I couldn't find anything. Did you invented it? If so, I really can't wait to hear about them! Poor thing, hurt and alone in a incredibly dangerous world, I'm so glad they met Ronald "I-see-an-orphan-and-I-need-to-act-like-a-father-figure-to-them-or-I-will-die" Weasley, they will be fine as long as Ronald don't do anything stupid.

....okay, not too stupid, expecially after what he just did.

I'll say that I love what you did here, not only you showed Ronald's strategic thinking, but even his tactical acumen, something that is not always sure! The way he started to spread the rumor to put pressure on Quirrelmort, his constant meeting with the other professors just in case something happens to him, framing his enemy without moving a finger, and that final powermove (that was, arguibly, the most stupid and genious move of his) showing his most shit-eating face right in front of the biggest threat to the magical world right now (with his "I'm just a little guy!! You can't be mad at me, I'm just a little wittle boyyy!!!" act and the speech againts It, no wonder Death took a liking for the boy: they both are insanely theatrical!) and not only succeding, but also having a backup plan in case something went wrong with McGonagall!

(...because... because it was planned for her to catch Quirrelmort attaching Ron........ right? You didn't make him confront him right on without thinking.... right????)

(Counter order i just re-readed it and what the hell Ron it's good that you planned for an help but in those minutes everything could have happen! I understand he is still new to this but if he keeps doing this I'll have to call his mother)

This leads me to compliment to you about the new addictiom to the Ron squad! Welcome aboard Gingersnap and Noddy! I hope this will lead to a more in depth discussion about house elves and how Ronald will become more... radical, let's say, about their general situation...

But alas, even after all this preparation, after the danger and risk, thabks to my beloved FIXED POINT IN TIME trope things are going to get really ugly, and really soon. I guess destroying your enemy's plan with a move that is similar to throwing a sledge hammer in a glass house it's not the wisest action if you don't expect them to counter attack.

On an unrelated note I'm so, so,so glad you show the teachers to be actually competent and caring towards the kids! While reading the original books, I always felt like a... disconnection between the students and the teaching staff. By adding the elective and club's teachers too it gives more deapth and a more motivated group of adults that shows how much they want to protect their students, even if they are the first to run towards the danger in the first place. (Also-also, I really, really hope you will give to history of magic the credit it deserve. We History nerds need confirmation that our htperfixations are justified!"

That said, is now Ron and Harry going to speedrun the obstacle race? Will Hermione and Neville join him too? I mean Ron would need an hand, but it will be more people to protect during the chess game, and will the checkpoints be the same too? So many question and too much hype!!!

That said, i can't wait to see the rest of your story, of which I just got obsessed over once again. I will wait as much time as needed, it will always deliver. Cheers!!

So I was doing a speedrun on my asks inbox so far when I saw this, and I was all "WTF? I haven't answered this yet?!"

For shame! I love answering your asks!

Anyway, so sorry for the long overdue response but here it is.

OH MY GOD! YOU'RE BACK! YOU'RE... Y-YOU'RE FINALLY BACK HERE!!!

I honestly (almost) don't care that you uploaded the new chapter, I'm way more assured that you are okay and well! After this much time, I could only hope nothing bad had happen.

Thank you so much. I'm also grateful that I still have the strength and good health to keep writing. Hopefully I'll be able to keep this up until I finish book 7. 😁

Let's start with Ronald and his new pet friend: what are they called again? Windcallers? I searched everywhere for information about these creatures, but I couldn't find anything. Did you invented it? If so, I really can't wait to hear about them! Poor thing, hurt and alone in a incredibly dangerous world, I'm so glad they met Ronald "I-see-an-orphan-and-I-need-to-act-like-a-father-figure-to-them-or-I-will-die" Weasley, they will be fine as long as Ronald don't do anything stupid.

Wow you actually searched about windcallers! I'm so touched by your dedication to this story!

Yeah you won't find any birds called windcallers in the HP world. But remember what Noddy said, that windcallers is what they (the House Elves) call the bird. Wizards have another name for them, and they do exist in HP canon. I dropped a number of references and hints starting Year0 Chapter3-ish about that. Hope that helps.

And yeah, it's a good thing Ron found him when he did. Poor fluffball might have ended up dead, or worse.

I'll say that I love what you did here, not only you showed Ronald's strategic thinking, but even his tactical acumen, something that is not always sure!

That's something I wished the books touched on more often, Ron with his tactical and strategic skillset. He is the pragmatic, practical balance to Hermione's ideal, theoretical mind.

Of course, part of being a good strategist is having backup plans in case shit hits the fan, and having confidence that one can handle it when it does happen. Two skills Ron still needs to develop.

The way he started to spread the rumor to put pressure on Quirrelmort, his constant meeting with the other professors just in case something happens to him, framing his enemy without moving a finger, and that final powermove (that was, arguibly, the most stupid and genious move of his) showing his most shit-eating face right in front of the biggest threat to the magical world right now (with his "I'm just a little guy!! You can't be mad at me, I'm just a little wittle boyyy!!!" act and the speech againts It, no wonder Death took a liking for the boy: they both are insanely theatrical!)

It was a pretty dangerous plan, but at least here we start seeing Ron leverage his resources, and actively playing the game so to speak, instead of subtly manipulating things on his own and hoping for the best.

But one can go to the opposite end of being too active a player if they are not careful.

Also, I think it's just in character for TBA Ron to shove a big F you to Quirrellmort when he can.

(...because... because it was planned for her to catch Quirrelmort attaching Ron........ right? You didn't make him confront him right on without thinking.... right????)

...and not only succeding, but also having a backup plan in case something went wrong with McGonagall!

Of course I did. Ron is learning to take advantage of what he has, including people he can rely on to act certain ways in certain situations.

Does this remind you of a certain someone? Good, because that fact will slap Ron in the face later. He needs that for character development.

(Counter order i just re-readed it and what the hell Ron it's good that you planned for an help but in those minutes everything could have happen! I understand he is still new to this but if he keeps doing this I'll have to call his mother)

This leads me to compliment to you about the new addictiom to the Ron squad! Welcome aboard Gingersnap and Noddy! I hope this will lead to a more in depth discussion about house elves and how Ronald will become more... radical, let's say, about their general situation...

Well it was a plan, not necessarily the safest one. But yeah, high risk for high returns, Ron figured.

Yeah, you might want to keep in mind needing to call his mum in the future.

Actually, call Charlie. TBA Ron is especially scared of pissing him off. 😂

But alas, even after all this preparation, after the danger and risk, thabks to my beloved FIXED POINT IN TIME trope things are going to get really ugly, and really soon. I guess destroying your enemy's plan with a move that is similar to throwing a sledge hammer in a glass house it's not the wisest action if you don't expect them to counter attack.

Yay, Noddy and Gingersnap! The Ron squad will definitely be getting more members in the future, but for now, happy to have them on board!

And Ron has always had a soft spot for House Elves since befriending Dobby. How's that going to play in the future, we'll just have to see.

Butterfly effect in full display here, not to mention some events that are meant to happen no matter what because Ron' will to change is only one against several other factors in play.

But yeah, sledgehammer to glasshouse? Hmm, that is exactly what happened here.

Again, Ron's plans aren't exactly the safest ones. Especially when it comes to himself.

On an unrelated note I'm so, so,so glad you show the teachers to be actually competent and caring towards the kids!

...By adding the elective and club's teachers too it gives more deapth and a more motivated group of adults that shows how much they want to protect their students, even if they are the first to run towards the danger in the first place.

Maybe it was written for kids, but during the first several years, I can relate to the impression thay the Hogwarts staff don't seem to care much for the students, witj two major exemptions (Dumbledore and McGonagall). It is only starting year 5 that you start to see the teachers and the other adults in a more sympathetic, humanizing light.

The lecturers, I think, seem more approachable because they appear more relaxed and at Ron's level from his perspective. Not to mention I aim to give them as much personality as I can.

Speaking of lecturers, I subtly introduced another one who will feature more in book 2. Hope he'll be well received. He's pretty fun to write. 😉

(Also-also, I really, really hope you will give to history of magic the credit it deserve. We History nerds need confirmation that our htperfixations are justified!"

History is a very important subject, and as a history and mythology wannabe nerd, I will die on this hill!

I mean Percy and Hui are right there to make it happen. *nudge nudge*

That said, Ron isn't exactly built to be a historian character. That doesn't mean he won't gain a new appreciation for it.

...That said, i can't wait to see the rest of your story, of which I just got obsessed over once again. I will wait as much time as needed, it will always deliver.

Thanks again so much as always for your aks and your time! I hope you've already read chapter 20 since it answers your questions about what happened beyond the trapdoor.

And hoping to see you in the next chapter!

Cheers!!

Right back at you, mate! 🍻

[casspurrjoybell-27]

Claimed by the Beast - Chapter 42

*Warning Adult Content*

Home - Part 1

In the waiting room of Keith's private practice, Everett sits hunched in the hard chair with his elbows resting on his knees.

His hands are clasped together, his chin resting atop and his eyes are fixed on the double doors that lead to the operating room.

It's been an hour and some change since he, Gavin, and Josie arrived with Knox.

The vivid image of Knox's pale face, his still limbs, being rushed away on a stretcher by Keith is permanently burned into Everett's mind.

Now dry and flaking, Knox's blood still stains Everett's clothes... a cruel and constant reminder of Knox's close brush with death.

Everett's thoughts darken as the time ticks on. 

A hollow kind of numbness has been slowly spreading its way throughout him like a virus, starting from the moment Knox fell unconscious in his arms to now.

The thought of losing Knox only amplifies the trembling of his hands, his stomach churning with a relentless blend of sadness and fear.

When Gavin clears his throat to speak, Everett blinks and returns to the present moment, looking over at the older man with a raised brow.

"It's late as hell. You two should head back to the clubhouse," Gavin suggests, one hand resting on Josie's bouncing knee.

"I'll stay here with Doc and Knox. I'm sure he's going to pull through..."

"No," Everett interrupts, his voice flat as he returns to staring forward.

They're all exhausted, hungry and frustrated.

But not enough to leave without confirmation that Knox will be okay.

"I'm not going anywhere until I see Knox again."

"Me too."

Josie rests her hands on her large belly when the baby kicks in agreement, her voice softening as she glances at her husband.

"The baby is going to be fine, so don't even give me that look. You and I both know we've been through worse."

Before Gavin can protest, his cell phone rings.

"I'll be back in a minute."

He curses under his breath as he rises from his seat to take the call.

"Now's not a good fucking time..."

Moving away for privacy, Everett faintly catches a few angry sentences.

"You tell them I said to destroy it all. Everything that those motherfuckers own, I want it all burned to the ground. Make it happen tonight."

He pauses to let the other person speak.

"Knox is still in surgery... Yeah, he got fucked up pretty bad."

"Stay positive."

Josie reaches for Everett's hand after catching the fresh wave of panic that crosses his face at Gavin's grim but truthful words.

"I know it's generic advice but I'm all out of the right words to say."

Everett barely feels her touch, his gaze still stuck on the double doors.

"We've barely had time to process losing Alvin, and then this shit happens..." she trails off with a helpless shake of her head, her eyes red-rimmed from crying.

"Just kind of getting tired of it all, you know? I mean, I knew what I was getting myself into when I committed to Gavin but... shit, living this life is goddamn hard sometimes."

Everett remains silent, only offering a nod of understanding.

There aren't many reality checks left for him to cash regarding his situation with Knox.

What he feels toward the man goes far beyond that of a basic crush.

Hell, he willingly put himself in the line of fire not long ago, knowing his life could be ended at any moment, all to help Knox and The Fallen Angels get the upper hand against their rival.

Going through all that and risking everything for someone who, at one point in time, he could barely stomach looking at... well, if that isn't love, then what the fuck is?

"Sorry about that."

Gavin returns to take his seat beside Josie.

"I don't know how much longer Doc is going to be but I can go out and grab us something to eat if either if you are hungry..."

The man of the hour makes his reappearance before Gavin can finish his sentence.

His blue medical gown has splotches of Knox's blood on it and Everett can't help but think the worst.

He rushes to meet Keith halfway, Josie and Gavin trailing closely behind him.

"Give it to us straight," Gavin starts.

"No bullshit. Did... Did he make it or not?"

"He's alive," Keith replies.

"But I had to remove his appendix and a small portion of his large intestine due to the severity of the damage. He also needed a transfusion from the blood loss. Other than that, everything else is intact and functioning normally."

"Thank God."

Relief crashes over Everett in a dizzying wave.

All the tension he'd been carrying exits his body almost as quickly as it'd come.

"I'm not... This isn't a dream, right? Knox is really going to be okay?"

"You can relax now, Everett. He's going to be just fine," Keith says, smiling.

"He'll need two to four weeks to fully recover before resuming his... normal activities. I'm sure he won't like hearing that when he wakes up but it's what his body requires."

"Really appreciate this, Doc. We'll make sure he gets the message," Gavin says, slapping a hand on the man's shoulder in gratitude.

"Thanks again for coming through on such short notice. Whatever the bill is, you know I got you covered."

Keith nods, his professionalism unwavering.

"I have no problem keeping him here for monitoring for at least the next forty-eight hours. You all can visit him now..."

He pauses to properly scan everyone's disheveled and bloodied appearance.

"But, uh, definitely get cleaned up before touching him."

"Wait, babe," Josie grabs Gavin's arm as he steps forward.

"I think we should let Everett go back first. If Knox wakes up soon, Everett will be the first something he asks about."

Josie looks at Everett and smiles.

"You know I'm right."

"I... You guys don't have to do this," Everett says, shaking his head. "We can all go back together."

"Nah, she's right, kid. He'll definitely want to see your face instead of my ugly mug," Gavin chuckles, gently pushing Everett forward.

"Have your moment."

"This way," Keith motions for Everett to follow him and Everett doesn't think twice about it.

"I remember you and I first met under similar not-so-pleasant-circumstances. You haven't been with them long, have you? The Fallen Angels?"

"Not really. Why do you ask?"

"Josie and Gavin, their expressions... while what happened with Knox is undoubtedly traumatic, they're used to this madness by now. You can see it on their faces. But you, on the other hand, it's obvious you're brand new to this. Unfamiliar."

"Your point?"

"Just be careful."

[crashdevlin]

Fool For Love 10- Compromising

Fool For Love Series Masterlist , Fool For Love Story Masterlist

Author’s Note: Get ready for some heavy angst and some angry alpha Dean acting an ass. This series is also available on Archive.

Summary: Sam is determined to fix things between his brother and their omega, but with Dean stuck in his self-hatred and Y/n stuck in her self-pity, that's a little harder than it seems.

Pairing: former Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader, mentions of Beta!OMC x Beta!Reader

Word count: 3261

Story Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, angst, past kidnapping, Dean having no clue how to fix shit, some awkwardness, 18+! HERE BE SEX!! DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!! knotting sex, heat, oral (fem rec)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Thank you, Sam. I really could have figured it out myself, though,” Y/n said as Sam set the LOMMARP down in her living room.

"Well, I know, but I wanted to help," he said as he stepped back to examine the placement. He bit the inside of his lip for a moment before he cleared his throat. "And, uh, I didn't end up putting it together. It was Dean."

She looked away and sighed. "Yeah,” she responded softly. “I can smell him on it."

"He told me not to tell you, but I didn’t want to lie.”

“Well, thanks for respecting me enough not to lie,” she said, turning away from the bookshelf and sitting on the couch.

“Of course I resp-” Sam took a deep breath. “Y/n, I know that you were burned by Dean’s-”

“I was destroyed by Dean,” she interrupted. “He killed me and then he killed my boyfriend and then he killed my beta existence.”

Sam’s shoulders tightened with tension. “You chose to become an omega again. It wasn’t him.”

“No, it was you,” she reminded, softly. “And yeah, some of it was me. I convinced myself that it was the right thing to do, so I’m at fault for my condition too, but the simple fact of it is that none of this would have happened if Dean hadn’t killed me two years ago.”

Sam took a deep breath and sat next to her on the couch. “You need to talk to him.” She looked over, her eyebrow raised. “Look, I’m very happy to have this time where it’s just you and me and you act like the sun shines out of my ass, but…” Sam licked his lips as he ran his fingers through his hair. “You love Dean and Dean loves you and don’t argue about it because being mad at him for what he’s done doesn’t change the fact that you love him.”

She looked away from him and scratched at her neck so Sam set his hand on her knee. “You wouldn’t have saved him if you didn’t still love him. I know you’re angry. I’m angry too. We lost out on two years with you because Dean fucked up, but we can get past it. We can get past the anger and find the love again...but not if you don’t talk to him.”

"Talking to him is...too hard, Sam."

"No, it's not. I'll be with you. Come on, Y/n." He squeezed her knee and she sighed.

"Okay. But not here...and not at the Bunker. Neutral ground."

Sam smiled. "I know just the place."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The park, Sam? Really?" Dean bitched as he parked the Impala and looked around the parking lot for a sign of Y/n.

"It's neutral, Dean. It's not her place. It's not our place," Sam explained as he pushed open his door and climbed out. "Plus, it's open air so no one can claim that pheromones played a part in the discussion. It’s the best place for this."

Dean rolled his eyes and exited the Chevy, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets and sighing. "This is not gonna work."

"Yes, it will. She still loves you. It'll work," Sam promised, walking away toward the picnic area.

"Would you forgive me for all the crap I pulled on-"

"I already have." Dean looked over at Sam, confused, but Sam was looking ahead to where Y/n was sitting at the nearest picnic table. Sam took the spot on the bench next to Y/n and Dean took the middle of the bench on the other side.

Dean's eyes couldn't lift from the table top as Y/n looked over at him, waiting patiently. She knew well how hard it was for Dean to speak on his emotions. "Sorry" would come easily. Admitting when he's messed up was easy for him, but talking out the whys was always hard.

Awkward silence dragged out over a few long moments, Sam opening his mouth to try start the conversation but thinking better of it each time. Dean reached out to pick at a splinter in the wood, absent-mindedly playing with it as Y/n watched.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I-I know that doesn’t mean anything but I am so sorry, Y/n.” He finally looked up and caught her eyes, tears making his olive orbs shine even brighter. “I’m so sorry about everything. I wish I had helped you when you were sick and I wish I had been able to walk away when I found out you were alive. I’m sorry I-I went feral and fucked your entire life up. What I did to your fiance...he didn’t deserve that. He just fell in love with the most wonderful woman in the world and that wasn’t his fault. He didn’t deserve what I did and I’m so sorry.”

Y/n shook her head, anger dripping into her scent. “He didn’t get the chance to actually be my fiance, Dean. You beat him to death before I even had the chance to say ‘yes’.” Tears filled her eyes at the memory of Malcolm covered in blood with his face smashed. “He was a good man. All he ever did was love me, support me, lift me up. And you killed him. You killed him. How is sorry supposed to fix that?”

“It’s not,” Dean answered, shaking his head. “It’s not supposed to fix anything. But I been…” He took a shaky breath and let his tongue out to run along his bottom lip. “Since I woke up and realized what I did, I’ve been sick about it. I ruined everything for you and I ruined everything again after you worked so hard to put together a good life without us and…” He shook his head as tears finally fell. “I’m so sorry.”

"Yeah, me too. I'm sorry I was so forgettable that you could toss me aside so easily. I'm sorry I picked beta existence instead of Chuck just taking my marks because if I'd chosen the first option, I'd be the only one affected. Malcolm would still be alive and you never would have gone feral, because you wouldn't be mated anymore." Dean's bottom lip trembled as she stood. "Would've been better for everyone."

"Y/n," Sam started but she shook her head and leaned over Dean.

"I was raped by a demon because of you and you never touched me again after. Do you even understand what that did to my self-worth? Do you understand that I thought I was ruined because my alpha wouldn't touch me? How broken I already was about what that monster did and how I felt so destroyed-"

"It was Amara, Y/n, she got in my head and-"

"And you couldn’t push through it. Not for me…and you couldn’t tell me why and you could-" Dean stood and moved like he was going to grab her, but stopped and stepped back instead. She let out a deep breath and licked her lips. "You hurt me in a hundred ways, Dean."

"I know. I wish I could fix it."

"You're talking again. That's a start," Sam said, moving to stand too.

"Right. A start." Y/n cleared her throat and wiped at her eyes. "I'm, um, gonna get going. I've got work in a half hour."

"Okay," Sam said, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kissing the top of her head. "Love you. Text me?"

"Yeah," she agreed before nodding at Dean and walking toward the parking lot.

The brothers watched her walk away until they couldn't see her anymore. "Told you it wouldn't work," Dean grumbled before walking away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I was thinking we could do dinner...with Dean," Sam suggested as he brought Y/n a cup of coffee. "It's been a few days, you've calmed down. I know you've been thinking about his apology, right?"

She rolled her eyes and took a sip of the coffee. "Yeah. I guess I've been thinking but...it’s...I’m just tired of...compromising, I guess?”

“Compromising?” Sam asked, shaking his head a little.

“Putting aside my feelings and my desires to be...because omegas make things easier, omegas soothe and fix, omegas-”

“You don’t have to-”

“Of course, I do. I’m the omega, it’s my lot in life.” She cleared her throat. “It’s fine. I’m...it’s fine. Let’s just...if you want to have dinner with Dean, we can have dinner with Dean.”

“If you don’t want to, then-” Sam started.

“What I want doesn’t matter,” she dismissed.

“Yes, it does!” Sam argued. “Of course, it does, Y/n.”

“No, it doesn’t, because what I want in my head is a different thing than what I want in my body and my body is going to win out in the end because of these stupid fucking marks.” She closed her eyes tight and scratched her nails across her eyebrows. “It’s okay. It’s fine. Call Dean. We’ll do B&E, get some pizza or something.”

“Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure. Gonna have to fix things eventually, right?”

Sam nodded and pulled out his phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean was nervous as he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. He wasn’t sure why he kept letting Sam talk him into this stuff. Y/n was never going to forgive him. She shouldn’t. He fucked up. He fucked everything up. He ruined everything.

She was sitting at a booth with Sam when he walked into the pizzeria. Dean swallowed thickly and approached the booth, taking the seat on the opposite side. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Sam and Y/n echoed.

“Have we, uh, have we ordered?”

“No. Figured we should wait. That’s the polite thing, right?” Y/n asked, looking down at the tabletop.

Dean bit his bottom lip and shook his head with a sigh. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this. You’re obviously uncomfortable and-”

“I’m on the edge of my first heat in years,” Y/n interrupted. “I can feel it starting to claw at my insides. Little cramps, uncomfortable anxiety...it’s just been a while since I felt it, okay? That’s why I’m on edge.”

Dean nodded. “Sorry. I...I couldn’t smell it over Sammy’s scent. I...I hope...I mean...I don’t suppose you’re excited about it, but...Sam’s gonna be good to take care-” The powerful way Y/n rolled her eyes stopped Dean mid sentence.

“Sam won’t be enough, dumbass.”

“Y/n,” Sam chastised quietly and Y/n rolled her eyes again.

“He is. If he’s already forgotten how I almost died last time,” Y/n snapped.

“I didn’t forget,” Dean said, softly, picking at his paper napkin. “I just figured you’d wanna go as long as possible without touching me. Figured I’d be a last-ditch effort, keep yourself away from me until you absolutely have to-”

“You think I’d rather subject myself to rejection sickness for a while instead of having sex with you? You think I hate you so much that I’d put myself through that pain again?” she asked, seriously. Dean just shrugged, still not looking at her. She sighed and shook her head. “If I hated you, I’d’ve let you die...feral and lost. I don’t hate you...much as I want to.”

"So...you don't hate me?" Dean asked, shyly.

"I wish I did. I really tried." Y/n shook her head and picked up her drink. "I tried to hate you when you said I wasn't really dying and I tried to hate you in Seattle and I tried to hate you when Sam asked me to save you, but I couldn't. Even after what you did to Mal...I couldn’t." Y/n took a sip as Sam wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "There was so much potential in our relationship. We got through you being a demon and the Mark making you dark...we could have gotten through anything together."

"'Til I killed you," Dean whispered. "And I did. I killed you, Y/n. I'm the reason you left and Chuck found you and I'm so sorry." He looked up and caught Y/n's eyes. "I'm sorry I'm the reason your family thinks you're dead and I'm sorry I hurt you so badly. I'm so sorry."

The server walked up as Y/n opened her mouth to reply, so she stopped. They ordered their food and fell into a tense silence that followed them across the entire meal. Y/n cuddled closer to Sam as they ate. She was feeling needy, her abdomen cramping more the longer she was around her alphas, but she was doing her best to ignore it. She wasn't exactly happy to be reduced to base animal cravings again and she planned to fight it until the fever hit.

Dean picked pepperoni off of his pizza and sneaked looks across the table. "You should hate me," he whispered eventually. "I do."

"You hated yourself before all this," Y/n snapped.

“Yeah.” Dean nodded and stood, tossing a twenty dollar bill on the table. “It made sense then, too.”

Sam stood as Dean started to walk away from the table. “We’ll call you when she starts her heat.”

“Not until she really needs me, Sammy. You should take care of her needs. I don’t deserve-”

Sam shook his head. “She’ll need you faster than you think she will. First heat. It’s just like a first heat, Dean.”

Dean sighed. “Just call me when she needs me. I don’t deserve to touch her.”

“Coward,” Y/n whispered as Dean walked out of the restaurant.

Sam sat next to her and kissed her forehead. “It’ll be okay. We’ll get you through this.”

“Don’t really have much of a choice, do we?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n’s temperature spiked as Sam drove her to her house. She squirmed in the passenger seat of the classic pickup truck as she rolled the window down to get air circulating in the cab.

"God, this feels almost as bad as…" she whimpered, curling in on herself.

"As bad as?" Sam asked, reaching over to set his hand on her thigh.

"The first one. The night at the bar," she whined, spreading her legs in silent invitation. Sam slipped his hand further up her thigh and pressed the seam of her jeans into her mound. She grabbed his hand, grinding against it as she made him put more pressure on her. "It's so overwhelming."

"I'll take care of you, Y/n," Sam promised, rubbing at her clit through her jeans.

She was a sweating mess of pheromones by the time Sam got her to her house. Sam held his breath as he moved to pick her up and help her out of the truck. If he breathed in the powerful scent of her, he likely wouldn't make it inside with her. He didn’t need her neighbors to witness him knotting her on the front lawn. She clung to him as he helped her inside, pulling her keys out of her jacket and opening the door. She whined his name as he helped her in and immediately turned right into the bedroom.

They hadn't done more than kiss and grope each other since she came back to Lebanon. Dean had gone further than Sam. As Sam grabbed her head and pressed a fierce kiss to her lips, she clawed at her clothes, desperate to be free of the constricting material. Sam grabbed the collar of her t-shirt and tugged, growling as she gasped against his mouth.

"Pants off. Bed," he commanded, pulling at his own clothes. She scrambled to kick her shoes off and fumbled with the button of her jeans as she stumbled backward toward the mattress. “I’ve been thinking about this for months. Getting between those legs again, listening to you whine. Tasting you. Fuck, I missed the way you taste.”

“Alpha, please,” she whined, dropping back onto the bed and spreading her legs for him.

“God, you are so beautiful,” he whispered, joining her on the bed. He was overwhelmed by the way she smelled and how she looked, sweating and spread out before him. He ran his hand across her collarbone and down into the valley between her breasts, loving the way she pressed herself closer to him. “I’m going to make you feel better, Omega.”

Sam leaned down and took her nipple in his mouth, sucking lightly despite the desire to bite down and make her squirm. Her hand came down and buried in his hair as he laved his tongue over her skin, making the sensitive skin pucker at the attention. Sam couldn’t put into words how much he’d missed the scents and sensations attacking his brain in that moment. A million memories assaulted him as he kissed his way down her body to lick his way along her mound. This was Heaven for Sam. Hearing her noises, hearing her gasps, feeling her fingers grabbing his scalp like her life depended on it, as he feasted on her slick. He wanted nothing more for the rest of his life.

When she came apart on his tongue, he immediately climbed up her body and looked down into her lust-glazed eyes. “Do you want to present or...or should I take you like this or-”

“Let me ride.”

Sam’s cock twitched at the breathless request and he nodded before dropping to the bed beside her. He licked his lips and brushed his hair out of his face as she set her hands on his chest and moved to straddle him. She looked apprehensive for a moment before reaching down and lining his cock up with her entrance. He put his hand over hers on his chest and smiled up at her. “It’s okay, ‘mega.”

She leaned down and kissed him as she started working her way down his shaft. Thick alpha cock filling her up was exactly what she needed and she sighed in relief when he bottomed out inside of her. “Fuck, Sam.”

“You feel perfect, baby. Such a beautiful omega, so tight and wet. Perfect,” Sam praised as she started to roll her hips.

She wouldn’t have admitted to it in Seattle, but she missed this kind of sex. She missed an alpha dick in her, knot swelling at the base. She couldn’t say she dreamed of it, she hadn’t had any sexual dreams. But she did think about it. She thought about Sam and she thought about his brother, her original alpha, her original love. She missed them both. She missed this.

Sam let her work herself into a frenzy. He let her ride as fast as she wanted to. He let her slam her body down on him and only gave quick thrusts every once in a while to let her know he was enjoying himself as much as she was. When his knot started to fill, she leaned down to kiss him again, nails digging into the back of his neck as she finally fell over into oblivion. Sam reached down to grab her hips and braced his feet against the mattress as he started to thrust up into her, chasing his own ending, wanting nothing more than to knot her once more.

His knot caught and they both moaned loudly, kissing as he continued to try to thrust, his cock twitching inside of her. They were dripping sweat and satisfaction as she dropped to lie against his chest. “That...was amazing,” she whispered, panting harshly.

Sam chuckled and held her closer to him. “Yeah. You feeling okay?”

“For now.”

~~~

The Kitchen Sink - @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @wasabiwitteks @rainbowkisses31 @rissbennett @mariekoukie6661 @officiallyunofficialperson @dolphincliffs @mrs-meghan-winchester @gayspacenerd @foxyjwls007 @ilovefanfic86 @marvelfansworld @f-yeahfandoms @wonderlandfandomkingdom @hhiggs @sev3nruby @hobby27 @paintballkid711 @divadinag @thewhiterabbit42 @fantasymyth-1 @queenoftheunderdark @cosicas-cuquis @superfanficnatural @letsby @supernatural-bellawinchester @onethirstyunicorn @swinchester27 @chalicia @screechingartisancashbailiff @death-unbecomes-you @dayasvalkyrie @paryl @wereallbrokenangels @the-american-witch @that-one-gay-girl @tatted-trina6 @sunshineandwings86 @lunarmoon8 @wheezyeds @vicmc624 @couldabeenamermaid @vulgar-library

[fangirlings-things]

He's just too much — Part. 2

A/N: heyy guys, thank you for all the compliments about the first one so here I am, with part 2 of this fic! I'm thinking about a part 3 so, let me know what you guys think

Pairings: Michael Gray x reader

Warnings: a few curse words

Summary: Michael Gray is just too much for (Y/N) to not fall in love with him

Word count: 2234

Part. 1 Part. 3 Part. 4

"Well, well, well, look who's prettier than ever", John's voice echoed through the kitchen when you entered the room, making everyone that was there stare at you instinctively. 

All the Peaky Blinders had been reunited to a formal event at Tommy's house, that had the intention of gathering money for his foundation for children. He had been hesitant to do this because the last time he tried the same thing, Grace, his wife, had been killed, taking a bullet that was meant for him. That destroyed Tommy for a long while but now, he was decided to let it all in the past and you couldn't be more proud of him. 

As it was a formal party, you all had to dress properly so you had bought yourself a simple but beautiful black dress, that fit perfectly on your body and made you feel good. Truth was, that you hated using dresses. Being raised by a single father, since very little you realized that man's like clothes were so much more practical and comfortable. You always could be found using leather pants, boots and a white shirt. But in that day you couldn't escape your fate. You had promised Tommy to go, and so you would. 

"Shut up, John", you said, blushing a little under the looks of all those men. You tried to ignore the fact that in the back of the room, leaning agaisnt the white walls, was Michael. 

He was doing that sexy exotic thing again, the french inhale. The same thing he had done when you went to his house, looking for Polly. The day where he had kissed you and left you alone and feeling more confused than ever. It all had happened two weeks ago and since then, he had been doing his complete best to stay away from you and taking the hint of someone who clearly didn't want you around and regretted what had done, you stayed away. Gladly. You had decided that you wouldn't be pursuing this feelings, not anymore. Not after all the pain it had been causing you. So you ignored the way his eyes rested over you right now, and pretended he didn't even existed. 

"Hey, I'm not mocking you. You're really very beautiful", John said with a gentle smile looking you up and down, clearly amazed by seeing you wearing female clothes for once. You smiled back to your friend, thanking him with only your eyes for trying to make you feel more confident and he winked at you, in a way that made you feel more than safe. You loved that idiot with all your heart. 

"(Y/N) is dressed to impress", Arthur laughed while taking a sip of the glass he had on his hands, never losing the chance to tease you when he could, just like he would do to a younger sister. "Anyone you're planning on taking back home with you tonight, honey?"

Rolling your eyes at his words, you laughed while jumping a little and sitting up in the kitchens counter. "We'll see, Arthur. Who knows whom I may meet in this event"

"Oooh, someone's on fire tonight", the oldest Shelby brother said and everyone in the room including you laughed. But with only a quick glance to Michael, you saw that he didn't. In fact, he looked even more serious than before. 

Fuck him, you thought to yourself angrily just in the moment where Tommy entered the kitchen, looking extremely handsome in his formal clothes. His expression was stern, and you knew that all his courage was being putted on making that event happen. 

"Alright, you all know what you can't do. I've talked to Polly and she will be here as soon as it all begins to help me take care of everything", the black haired firmly stated, looking briefly but intensevely at every single person that was on the kitchen. "Just behave yourselves and it all will... (Y/N) why the fuck are you in my counter?" he asked with his forehead frowned, his bright eyes fixed on yours. 

"I like the view from up here, Tommy" you said shrugging, secure that an answer like that coming from you would make him laugh, and it did. You felt proud of yourself in that moment for being able to make him feel a little better. 

"Right, just don't stay here when the event starts, or I'll come and drag you out there myself" he gave you a warning playful look and only when you muttered "fine, dammit", he smiled again. "You're beautiful" he said afterwards making you smile brightly and with one more look to everyone, he left. 

"Alright, who wants to do some smoke on the yard before all those fancy rich bastards get here?" John suggested and all the boys quickly agreed, making their ways to the kitchen door. Turning to you, he raised his eyebrows. "Want to finally give it a try, love?"

"I'll pass" you said in return and for knowing you so well, he was already expecting that response. 

"See you later then, love. Save me a dance" he said and kissing your cheek, left with the other boys. 

When you looked up, you saw that after all, you weren't now alone in the kitchen. Michael had stayed back, and was watching you with his eyes fixed on every part of your body. Allowing yourself to admire him for a moment, you realized that he was as handsome as ever, with a blue suit that made his blue eyes look even more bright. 

Before you could think of an excuse to leave or something to say to start a conversation, he got rid of his cigar and walked towards you. You held your breath, already panicked, remembering all that had happened the last time he approached you when you two were alone. As much as you tried to deny, you wanted him again. Wanted him to kiss you as roughly as he did for the first time. Wanted to feel his hands on your hair, gripping at it firmly. 

You watched completely still as he stood in front of you, getting between your legs and looking up to your eyes as you were taller than him from above the counter. Without any ceremony, his hands found your waist and with one quick movement, he got you standing in front him; now you were the one who had to look up, as usual. Your bodies were completely smashed against each other, your back pressed to the counter where you had been sitting before. 

"You really look even more beautiful today" he said, his voice deep and serious. 

You thought about saying something, thought of hopefully bringing up the night where he had kissed you and maybe get an explanation from him, but again, he didn't give you the chance. He just let you go like nothing had happened and walked out, leaving you again, breathless and annoyed. And above all, confused. 

"I'll talk to Arthur, see if he hasn't been drinking too much. You'll be ok on your own?" John was still holding your hand, you two had just shared a dance together. 

Tommy's house was full of rich important people, who he hoped would make donations to the foundation by the end of the night. You had been doing your best to smile and look pleased and as far as you knew, you had been doing a great job, because they had been smiling kindly at you either. Maybe, not all the rich people were bastards. Just maybe. 

"I can take care of myself" you said to John, who smirked by hearing your words. 

"Yeah, I know you can" he then let go of your hand and walked away, searching for Arthur between many strangers. You silently hoped, that he would find his older brother soon. If Arthur got drunk, things could go incredible wrong. 

You were about to go talk to Isaiah, who was standing in a corner of the room as alone and looking out of place as yourself, when you saw something that made your heart shrink in your chest. 

Michael was talking to a rich girl, that was wearing a glistening golden dress that matched the color of her blonde perfect hair. She was extremely beautiful, you couldn't deny that. And Michael apparently thought the same thing, because of the way his hands found her waist and how his mouth curled into a smile in her direction. He whispered something and her ear and she laughed, already head over heels for him. 

And that hurt you. More than you imagined it would. Yes, you had seen Michael with other women since you met him but that was in the time he ignored you; the time where he didn't show you any emotions. Now that he had, you felt jealous. You felt pain, because you wished to be the one in his arms again. To be the only one that he would hold. But clearly, he didn't feel the same way. 

You saw them brush their lips together in a kiss and without being able to hold back your emotions tears started to fall from your eyes, running through your face. You quickly ran out of that room, your vision clouded with tears. Suddenly, you collided with a heavy chest. Looking up, you saw Tommy. At first he looked confused but seeing the tears in your face, his expression became incredibly worried. 

"(Y/N), what happened?" he asked, his hands on your arms, caressing them in a gentle way. 

"I-I... I don't want to..." you stumbled in your words, trying to hold back the tears but you couldn't. All the feelings you had repressing were suddenly in the open. 

"It's okay, it's okay" Tommy brought you close to his chest and hugged you tight, knowing that the best was to not make questions at the moment. You cried in his suit, feeling safe in that familiar spot, right there. He was family, the brother you never had, and his presence made you feel a little bit better. Taking only a step back to be able to look you in the eye, he cleaned the tears from your face his with thumbs. "Don't move, I'll just give some instructions to Polly to carry on the event and then you and me are going to be alone, ok?" when you nodded, lightly, he kissed your forehead. "I'm going to take care of you, little one" and with those words, he went into the room you had just left. 

You stood there in that cold empty hall, avoiding a few peoples gaze that ended up to fall upon you when they passed by. You just wanted Tommy to come back soon and take you with him somewhere only you two could be. If someone could make you feel better, it was him. 

"What you're doing here alone?" that deep ans stren voice filled your ears and turning around almost instinctively, you met Michael's eyes with yours. When he saw the tears in your face, something crossed his expression but you couldn't tell what it was. "You saw that" and by that you knew to what he was referring to. You waited, but he didn't say anything else. 

"What the fuck do you want me to say, Michael, huh?" your voice was high, you could feel the hurt and anger pumping in your veins fastly. You wanted to beat him. Wanted to make him feel the pain he had been causing you for so fucking long. But you wouldn't, because after all, you loved him. And that was the pure unfortunate truth. "That yes I saw you kissing that blonde? That yes that's why I'm crying?" 

"But why would be crying by seeing me with someone else?" he stated in return, his voice also raised in a higher tone. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were glued to yours.

And after hearing that, you laughed. A genuine laugh that expressed all your resentment. "Seriously Michael, can you be that stupid?"

"I don't know what the fuck you're trying to say, (Y/N)! You fucking said that you were going to my mother about some guy that night! So why are you crying like a bitch about seeing me kissing someone?" he shouted those words and all of them hurt you, every single one hitting you like bullets. 

"You are the guy I was going to ask device about, Michael!" you shouted back, you're voice almost cracking completely in pain. "I'm in love with you bloody idiot but you never gave me a chance! You never even thought about making conversation with me! You just ignored me since the day we met and I hate you for that!"

When you stopped talking, you could see the impact that your words had on him. His expression, before angry and serious, was now breathless and schoked. There were tears forming in his eyes, making the blue in them seem a little less bright. 

"What's happening here?" Tommy got back and looked at you two for a few moments, assuming a defensive position by your side, as always. 

"Nothing" you responded, taking a deep breath. For some reason, seeing the tears in his eyes, made you feel even worst. "Me and Michael were just having a enlightening conversation" 

Tommy grabbed your hand, and you happily let him take you away from there. Away from Michael. 

[dangan-happy]

give me back my glitter, monomi!!!

hi mods, i hope things are doing well for all of you.. i don't usually do things like this, but I'm desperate, i guess. i don't really have anyone to go to. i DO have online friends, but they're already busy with their own problems and i don't want to make it worse.

since lockdown and online school started, my executive dysfunction is getting worse. i keep submit my assignments past due date. it's so hard for me to start working for some reason... especially past the due dates. i usually had my energy and motivation in this kind of stuff after some time recovering (even though it took months...), but after almost a year, i just can't seem to grasp that energy and motivation anymore. the feeling of overwhelm and fear keeps holding me back.

my parents don't help either. they keep me up until 12 or 1 am almost every nights doing extra chores. I'm more focused at nights, so i feel exhausted and passed out the whole day most of the time. if i tell them i have assignments to do, no matter how important it is, they would get angry and threaten to punish me by taking my devices away (which is not good bc i need them for school).

i did ask for help in a server i used to be in, they said sleeping, showering, and taking walks would help. but I'm not allowed to go outside, and if I *do* sleep, I don't have much time for assignments except for chores given by my parents. showering and pacing around my room wont help either. and if i DO get time to do my assignments, i would be scared and doubting to do it and find myself staring blankly at the wall for a long time.

i can't even do my own hobbies like drawing and reading novels because i keep worrying about my assignments!!!! but like i said before.. it's so hard to start working and stay focused. i tried so hard, but i keep blanking out.. and my hands refused to work. i swear, i really tried and i HATE being not able to work like any other normal students.

I'm scared for my future. my grades decide for my future and my family depend on it. I'm very close on graduating highschool. I'm the oldest child of two, yet I'm not showing a good example infront of my younger brother (who is 7 btw). I swear I'm trying to be a better person, not just for my family but also for myself.... I want to work hard, I want to be a good student like I used to be but I find it very difficult. I feel so alone.

that's all i could remember in my mind. thinking about it in more details make me feel horrible. i wouldn't ask for advices because i doubt they could help me anymore (although the efforts would be appreciated), but may i ask for encouragement from komaeda, rantaro and/or taichi fujisaki? (if all three can't make it, then I'll ask for taichi only instead if that's no trouble) i keep feeling about giving up and i don't want that. maybe a little push? my English isnt my main language, i hope i make sense. thaank you and have a nice day!

H-Holy moly with a side of macaroni, kiddo. That’s a huge plateful right there; you truly have been going through a lot, huh? Don’t worry about your English, by the way; for it not being your main language, you did a great job! Phew, for a moment there, I was almost ready to program some advice. Heh, see what I did there, kiddo? A-Anyway, I’m just glad you spoke up about just wanting some encouragement and a bit of a push instead. I hope a average programmer like myself can do just that.

Kiddo, I acknowledge that things are really rough for you right now. I-It probably feels like you’re up against this huge computer virus that you can’t seem to destroy or shake off. O-Okay, that was sort of a bad, bias metaphor, so I’ll say something else. It... I-It probably feels like despair; despair that might feel too overwhelming for you. But while I may know more about programming than anything else first, I do know something else that isn’t related to programming, and that is: You can and will get through this. I-I believe in the power of hope, and you should, too! I have hope in you, kiddo, and I mean that. I have hope that you’ll be able to fix your academic issues; hope that you’ll continue to work hard and better yourself as a individual; hope that you’ll succeed and show others just how talented you truly are. Of course, I know you didn’t ask for advice, b-but just keep in mind that if you ever need to confide in someone, please confide in someone. Don’t hold it all in. Whether it be me, someone else on this blog, or someone else entirely in your life, just try not to bottle it all up, o-okay?

I see a bright, hopeful future for you, kiddo. I-I’m serious! I’m more serious than when I finished my most recent programming project last minute, and that project was... a rather important, huge one. L-Like I said, things are rough right now, but that doesn’t determine your future. As long as you try your best, th-then what more can anyone ask for? I-I only ask for the best from my child, and so, the same goes for you, too, kiddo. J-Just do your best to stay on the side of hope, and keep your head held up high. I’ll even help you with gaining some hope of your own, if you want.

I-I know you didn’t ask for one, but if hugs count as giving you a little push, then mind if I give you one, kiddo? Y-You deserve it for having to deal with this much despair and fighting back against it. I hope some of this made you feel better and gave you what you wanted. I’ll be on my computer if I’m needed again, kiddo.

-

Hey there anon, don't worry about it. I'm happy to help out. Things are going pretty well for me, thanks for asking, but let's focus on you now. I'm real sorry you're so desperate. Yeah, this whole blog thing is an interesting way to do things, but I'm glad we can be an outlet for you, at least for now. That's a real nice thing for you to do, worrying about your friends like that. Just know that you don't have to keep things like this in. You're not a burden, and you don't have to stay quiet. I can't say I know too much about executive dysfunction, at least at a personal experience level, but I do have a general idea of what it is. Times are freaking crazy. It makes sense that you're relapsing, as crappy as that is. You said that fear is holding you back, and is there something specific that makes you afraid? Maybe exploring that will help you out a little.

Yeah, it doesn't sound like your parents are any help at all! What chore is important enough for you to stay up past midnight? That seems more than a little crazy in my book, and I think that's probably a big thing that's holding you back from getting stuff done. You've obviously heard this before, but sleep is important. With the chores thing and device thing combined, yeah, they're a huge roadblock. Yeah, that is some pretty good general advice you got from the other server, but yeah, I don't think that's gonna be too helpful for your specific situation. Is there any way you could motivate yourself? That's another thing that doesn't help in all situations, but it's something to keep in mind. Hey, you can't help the fact that you don't work like other students, you can't control your feelings all the time, and that's ok. It sounds like you're stuck in a cycle of chores, minimal sleep and stress over assignments, and that would take a toll on anyone. Could you use your hobbies as a way to motivate yourself? Maybe work for five minutes, then read or draw for five minutes?

Hey, you're almost graduating, and I think that's awesome! Even if you're struggling a little now, you've come a long way. Honestly, I don't think you should feel too guilty about not being a good example. Honestly, I don't think you're a bad example at all. The odds are kind of against you, and you got things and people actively making it harder. I can tell how hard you're working, and that's seriously amazing. You've sure as hell earned my respect. I think you're actively fighting to be the person you want to be, and I'm so proud of you for that. You're not alone, that's for sure. I'm no stellar student myself, and I've seen a whole lot of people give up way faster than you have. It's ok, you got your point across, and you don't gotta think about it anymore if you don't want to. Honestly, yeah I don't think I have a whole lot of advice aside for this. I think you wanna talk to teachers, or a counselor, or any other professional who can get you some extra help. There's not a lot I or any non professional can do on our ends, and I think the extra help would really help you out. Yeah, you sure as hell shouldn't give up. You're so close, and you're not as hopeless as you think you are. I can tell you're fighting for this, and I know you can make it all the way through. It might take a little bit of extra work, but I know you're tough and resourceful enough to see this through to the end. You're already a good person, and continuing to want to be better is really impressive. You're an amazing person, and you can handle this ok? Try to have a little faith in yourself. Honestly, your English seems fine to me, I never would have guessed it wasn't your first language. Anyways, I really hope this helped, I wish I could do more for you. You can do this, I know you can. I hope you have a nice day too!

My my Anon, your Luck seems to be all over the place. Truly Despair is trying to sink it’s disgusting claws into your life. Your English was fine Anon. You did a good job if I do say so myself, hehe. I’m glad you were able to calm and talk to us! I may not be the best but I shall try everything in my power to raise your Hope.

For starters, friends are supposed to help each other, it’s what makes you friends after all! If they are uncomfortable with you venting or that’s what you think, try asking them first before doing so, sometimes people aren’t ready to handle emotions like that. This pandemic has done a number on many of people. I’m sorry that it’s been going worse for you. Turning in assignments on time must be hard as well. But in my opinion, turning them in is better than not turning them in at all. Doing your work is also very important. I’m glad that even if you do have little energy, you try to use it to do your work. Trying to get energy to do anything is hard as well. I’d consider that burn out. Sometimes you just need time for your brain to heal, to process things that are happening in your life. I’m sure it’s quite overwhelming, how school has to take extra precautions and be online, or a hybrid class. It must all be very difficult to grasp.

Your parents seem to be a bit...strict? Having you up and doing chores for that long and that late isn’t good for anyone. It seems you tried explaining to them beforehand, but I’d like to see if you could try one more time. If that doesn’t help, maybe talk to a family member to help you out in some way? Maybe they help make your parents listen to you.

Hehe sorry, I’ve just been giving you advice this entire time! My bad, can’t help trying to help people, even if I’m garbage. Anon, I applaud you for coming this far, through all this crap and Despair, you’ve been trying your best to push on! Even through the darkness you’re still trying to be a good student and do your work! I’m so proud of you! I’m glad that you’re trying to take steps to help improve your energy as well, taking care of yourself is very important in any situation, no matter how little energy that you have! Once you graduate you won’t have to worry about this stuff for a while, and maybe things will get easier! I know your brother knows you’re trying your best, he can see it I’m sure! I hope you don’t mind I give you a hug! Hopefully it’ll help take the weight of your shoulders and give you some Hope.

[avungerthatgotaway]

Till we ain't strangers anymore (Part 1)

Sooo here is part 1 of "Till we ain't strangers anymore". What do you think of it? If you haven't read the prologue, you can read it here.

Summary: after "the blip" avengers are on the different sides of world. But 2 of them stay together. Y/N Y/L/N and Clint Barton's families are gone, but they found each other. They have nothing except of the little family of 2.

Warnings: mentiones of nosebleed and blood, if it means anything and mention of a fight

Pairings: none ( I mean it is Clint x teen!reader but not romantical, does that count?)

Genre: angst/fluff

---------------------

"I'm going Clint!" I yelled as I exited the house with my guitar in hand. I mean, it wasn't really a house, but Clint and I liked to call it that way. It was basically smallest wooden building with 2 rooms. One was a bathroom, and in the other was kitchen with 2 couches, which were actually serving as beds for ne and Clint.

He stood up from his couch, and came to hug me. "Stay safe kiddo."

-

I exited the house, it was cold morning but I didn't mind. I made my way to a little town near, where I played guitar on street everyday. It was a way to earn the living. Clint couldn't find the job. He fixed something for our neighbours, or some random people from time to time, but nothing permanent. It was crisis in the world as it is, and we weren't the only one struggling. But it could've been better. Better, or worse, depends on which side you watch. We were considering becoming lone warriors. We could have much more and do what we do the best: fight.

But we didn't let sorrow and pain drive us into dark places.

So here I am now, singing Let her go and strumming my guitar, hoping people will give me something, or at least stop by to listen to my singing. Until a street gang passed by. They beat me up, destroyed my guitar and stole the little money I have earned.

I felt awful. It started raining, and I went home crying. The guitar was the only thing I kept that reminded me of my parents, and of a life before this madness.

I knocked and when Clint opened the door, he was shocked. Worry quickly took over his features, as he ushered me in the house and started looking for something to help me. Finnaly he setteled with me and supplies on couch, and started cleaning my wounds.

"Y/N, what happened, dear?" he asked as he cleaned blood from my nose with a wet cloth. I was still crying a little, because it hurts.

"A street gang, they beat me up, stole my money and they de-destroyed m-my guita-ar.." I was full crying now. I felt horrible for the guitar, and Clint knew it. He hugged me close and comforted me. "Shhh, it's gonna be okay, everything's fine, you're safe now with me..." I did feel safer with him, so my crying slowly stopped.

After he made sure I'm okay and patched up my wounds, we had dinner. I mean we ate a few cookies, but it's better then nothing, right? Then we got ready for sleep, and layed down on out separate couches. I don't think I'll be able to sleep but never mind.

"N/N?" I hear him calling me. "You know...?"

"Yes, I'm still thinking about it too." and I did. Especially now. The idea didn't seem all that bad. We could be good warriors, and we both don't have anything holding us back from dark side. Except for each other. But if we both are there, then it's okay, right?

"I mean, I onow it's not the best thing..." he continiued. "But it's better than this, I know" I finished. "Yea."

"But what about your future? College? Anything?" and here we go with "the future" question.

"Clint. I don't go to school, that's how poor we are. I can't think of a college."

"But you did have dreams, right?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Well at least let me know what they were."

"I wanted to go to army. And continiue being an avenger, of course. But I wanted to be a Navy SEAL too. But that's impossible now."

"Maybe it's not."

"Oh cmon, you know it is."

"What if we do this warrior thing until we have money for your school and college?"

"What about you?"

"It's too late for me."

"No it's not."

"Y/N, we've been over this a million times."

"No! I won't save myself by going to army, and let you be ronin forever!"

"It's okay. I don't look at it like that."

"But I do. If I ever have an opportunity to go to the army, I wanna be sure that you're safe first. And that's the only way I'll go." he just didn't understand how important he is to me.

"I love you kiddo."

"I luv you too da-Clint." OMG I'M FREAKING OUT INSIDE. IT ALMOST SLIPPED. I ALMOST CALLED HIM DAD.

"So, how are we gonna het to Japan?"

"Well, we still have the money we saved just in case. It's not much, but it should be enough for tickets."

"Yea. Well good night N/N."

"Night night Clint."

And that's where new chapter of our lives started.

---------------------

If you just talk to me baby, till we ain't strangers anymore❄

-------------------------------------------------------

Imma just tag some pplz that helped me now or stuff haha @afictionaladventure16 @rae-is-typing @elles-writing

[emo-floof-child-writes]

The Sword of the Solstice

Chapter 7: The Curse of Loyaci.

Shoto runs out to see that man that they saw in the Ghia Forest, but he's with that man in the carriage, and a girl that Shoto hasn't seen before. She has blond hair, tied into buns on the side of her head, behind her ears. The burned man steps forward, lifting an ivory wand. “LISTEN UP!” He yells, and the villagers recoil, whimpering. “I know that the heir of Neumel has returned; have him come out, and this village will be spared.”

Shoto walks down the stone stairs, lifting his sword. “What does the Cult of Dendar want with me?” He asks. The burnt man points the ivory wand at him. “Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Dabi, of the Vanguard Magic Squad, servant to Dendar the Night Serpent herself.” Shoto grunts, holding his sword to Dabi's throat. “Tell me, Snake's Servant, what is your purpose here in Reneumel? This city, nay, this village are naught anything but peaceful!”

Dabi cackles, as does the shorter girl beside him. “Dendar has plans for this place.” The girl says, with a giggle. “Hush, Himiko!” Dabi scolds, and the girl he called Himiko groans. “But I want to see this world turn red, and then ENDLESS BLACK!” She says, and Dabi groans. “We're getting to that!” Momo runs down the steps. “My lord!” She yells, pulling her greatsword out.

“Lady Momo, I can handle these two. I need you to rally the paladins.” Shoto says, and Momo grimaces. “My lord, I cannot leave your side!” Shoto sighs. Must she be so fiercely loyal? He wonders. Dabi laughs. “Oh, you cannot leave his side, huh? So you would follow him into any danger?” Shoto grunts, not liking where this is going. She nods. “Even to death, so stand back, villain!”

Dabi flicks the wand at Shoto. Shoto swings his greatsword in an attempt to knock the wand out of his hand. Dabi seemed to have been expecting that, as he dodges, and purple light shoots out from the wand. “My lord!” Momo screams, as she wraps her arms around his waist, tackling him. Dabi chuckles. “My, my. How loyal can one stupid paladin be?” He turns to Himiko.

“You know what to do.” He says, she squeals. Out of her tunic she pulls a black adamantine dagger that has jagged edges. Glowing on the blade's surface is purple runes in the Dark Elvish of Loyaci. She grins, and chanting in Dark Elvish. She holds the knife to the sky, and a large mist shoots out of the knife. The mist shoots out, going into Momo's mouth and nose. She coughs, and wheezes.

“Lady Momo!” Shoto says, as she struggles to breathe. He kneels beside her, and tries to use his spell Lay On Hands to heal her, but nothing happens. “What. Did. You. Do. To. Her?” He asks, his anger growing. “It's a poisonous mist.” Himiko says, skipping in place. “It'll destroy her from the inside out. Lots of beautiful blood!” He growls. “Fix. Her. Or face the wrath of Lathander!”

Dabi sighs. “Mm, I admit that I didn't want to use this tactic, (it's too messy), but it's the only way to get what we want.” Shoto frowns. “What is that?” He asks. Dabi pokes Shoto with his wand. “We want you.” He kicks Shoto down, who looks at Momo, who's shaking her head in between coughs and wheezes. “Why me? What could you possibly want with me?” Dabi grins. “Dendar likes your family. She chose your father for her service too.”

Shoto spits on the dirt at Dabi's feet. “I won't join you.” Just then, Ochaco, Katsuki, Eijiro, and Izuku run over. “Shoto!” Izuku says, pulling his hilt of the Solstice Sword out, and presses the button to activate it. The Solstice Sword makes sparks, but doesn't shoot out its lightblade. Himiko giggles, and points her blade to sky again, threateningly. Shoto gasps, and stands. “If you don't come with us to Loyaci, I'll poison all of these people!” She says, and Shoto bites his lip. The life of one, to save the whole village... Is there a better way? Momo is dying at my feet, as I think! Lathander, forgive me. I must do this!

“My friends, please don't stop me. I am doing this for your own good.” Shoto says, bowing his head towards Himiko and Dabi. They grin. “Light Bringer! Don't you dare—!” Shoto kneels. “Do with me as you will, leave Reneumel and my friends alone.” Dabi taps the wand to Shoto's forehead. “They will not be harmed. In fact, Himiko, release the paladin girl.” She sighs. “I wanted to see her bleed...!”

Dabi glares at her, and she sighs. “Fine.” She says, releasing the poisonous spell. Shoto sighs, as he sees her breathe normally. Ochaco helps her to her feet. “My-my lord...” She says, panting. “You cannot join them.” Shoto sighs. “Lady Momo, I leave for the good of my fallen kingdom. I must protect albeit small kingdom with every fiber in me. I ask only that you continue to care for it in my stead.”

Dabi grabs Shoto shoulder, and without another word, Shoto, Dabi, and Himiko disappear. Momo screams. “I have failed you yet again, my lord and Prince Shoto.” She bows her head in shame. Ochaco nods. “We don't even know where they went. We'll never find them...” Katsuki grunts. “Enough of that defeatist talk!” He roars, the ground shaking as he speaks. Momo and Ochaco jump.

Izuku frowns. “Well, what can we do?” He asks. Eijiro frowns, and shrugs. Katsuki groans. “Oh, come on! Surely I wasn’t the only one who heard what they said?” Everyone gives him blank looks. Katsuki laughs. “Wow! And you call me an idiot! They literally said where they were going!” Izuku gasps. “The girl, they said they were going to Loyaci!” He says, and Katsuki points to Izuku.

“Okay, Deku’s not a complete idiot.” He says, folding his arms. Momo scoffs. “Did you miss the segment on how we literally can’t go there?!” She says, with frustration. “I-I mean, it’s the Dark Realm of Loyaci! No one can enter through the mist there!” Eijiro sighs, and sits down on the steps. “Well, if we can’t get in, then it’s hopeless.” Eijiro says. Katsuki growls. “When did you idiots become quitters?!”

Ochaco sighs. “It is 162 leagues south of here! It’s like 17 and a half days away! And that’s on horseback.” Ochaco says, and Momo nods. “Indeed. We’d have to go back through the Rena Passage, and down Seana Trail, over Leronee River, and then finally go to the Forbidden Road into Loyaci! It would be a useless venture!” Katsuki shakes his head. “I know a shortcut to Loyaci.”

Eijiro frowns. “You do?” Eijiro asks. Katsuki grins. “We might even beat them to Loyaci.” He says, with confidence. Izuku pulls out his map. “Are we going off the paved roads? There is no route that is quicker than the route that Momo mentioned!” Katsuki smirks. “Not if we go through Leeno.” Momo, Izuku and Ochaco groan. “Not there...” Ochaco says. Eijiro stands. “What’s wrong with this Leeno?”

Izuku sighs. “Well, I’ve never been, but I heard that it’s a human village of cannibals and murderers.” Ochaco and Momo nod. Katsuki slaps Izuku. He stumbles back, and the other three gasp. “KATSUKI!” Ochaco scolds. “That’s downright SLANDER, MY people aren’t cannibals and murderers! They are PROUD warriors! I don’t even want to know how that rumor got out.”

Ochaco blinks. “Your people? You’re a Leenoan?” She asks. He nods. “Technically I am the Chieftain’s son.” Izuku frowns. “Oh..! I’m sorry, Kacchan..! I didn’t know!” He shrugs. “I’m used to people having a repulsed reaction to my village. But really, we are sophisticated in our own way.” Ochaco giggles. “Well, if they are any thing like you, they must be dunderheads.” Katsuki grabs hold of his warhammer.

She steps behind Momo. “Easy, big guy. I was joking.” He glares at her. “You better be. You can mock me, but you don’t mock my village.” Ochaco whimpers. “Noted.” She squeaks out. He releases his grip on his warhammer. “Um, with that out of the way... Shouldn't we get going?” Eijiro asks, looking down at the village below. Izuku nods. “Indeed. Kacchan;” Katsuki looks at him. “If you'd vouch for Leeno Village, I believe that it is the best option for us.” Izuku says.

Katsuki chuckles. “Very well.” Momo says. “Let us retrieve our horses, and make haste. I shall get you another horse, Mr. Izuku.” Izuku nods. They head back down to the stables, where Denki Kaminari the Stable Hand is talking to a female paladin, who kisses his cheek. The party assumes that she must be his paladin wife. “Mr. Kaminari!” Momo says, walking over to them.

He turns, and sighs. “Lady Yaoyorozu...” He says, and she bows her head. “I know we have just arrived, but I'm afraid we need to go again.” She says, turning to the paladin. “Lady Kyoka, as the prince has been taken, and you are my second in command, I'm afraid I will have to ask you keep an eye out for trouble here in Reneumel.” She sighs. “Very well, Lady Yaoyorozu.” Kyoka says. Momo nods. “May the Light shine upon you.” Momo says, bowing her head.

Kyoka folds her hands. “And to you, my lady.” Denki brings out their two horses, and Momo sighs. “We'll actually need a third, Mr. Kaminari, lest Mr. Izuku walk all the way south.” Denki frowns. “Oh, a thousand pardons, my lady!” He quickly runs back to retrieve another horse. Momo mounts her horse, as Ochaco packs their provisions. Katsuki grunts as he fastens his saddle onto their horse.

Then he and Eijiro climb onto their horse. Momo looks down at Ochaco. “Are you gonna get on?” She asks. Ochaco bites her lip. “Yeah, I was just thinking about this situation... What if we don't get there in time, or worse, we can't get in Loyaci at all?” Momo sighs. “Well, all we have to do is get to the Forbidden Road before they do. We can stop them before they even enter Loyaci. That is if we make haste.”

Ochaco nods, and climbs up onto Momo's horse. Denki comes back with a black horse, with white speckles on its behind. He has saddled it, and passes the reins to Izuku. He smiles, and thanks Denki. The 5 of them ride down to the gate of the village, and Ochaco groans, but it only audible for Momo. “Is everything alright, Miss Ochaco?” She whispers, and Ochaco grits her teeth. “It's just been so many years since I ran away from Loyaci... I'm not sure I want to go back.”

Momo nods. “I understand that the past is hard to face, but avoiding it entirely is just impossible. It will come back to bite you eventually.” Ochaco's shoulders start to sag. “I know. But I don't know if I can control the Evil within me long enough to save Shoto.” Momo sighs, as they reach the Rena Passage, through the Ghia Forest. “I admit, I was shocked to see my lord with a Mage of Dendar.”

Ochaco pushes her witch hat up further her head. “Well, I never asked to be a mage, it was forced on me.” She sighs. “But alas, here we are. I've spent the last nine years trying to contain her, but still use my mage power.” Momo smiles. “It is admirable to try and fight that evil with something positive.” Ochaco nods.

Eijiro lets out a whine, and Katsuki scoffs. “Oh, right. You're a weakling.” He says. Eijiro tenses up. “My Draconic senses are saying that there is something unnatural about this place!” Katsuki rolls his eyes. “Oh, my pardons! Your ‘Draconic Senses’ think it's unnatural.” Eijiro, not picking up on Katsuki's sarcasm, nods. “That's what I said.” Katsuki groans. “You know, Scales? We'd better teach you what being sarcastic means, and how to identify it.”

Izuku rides his horse closer to Katsuki and Eijiro. “Kacchan, stop it. Pay no attention to Kacchan, Eijiro. I have heard your concern, and have noted it. I am making sure that there is no evil beings or whatever in this forest, just hang on while I determine the safety of this forest.” Eijiro nods. “Thanks, Izuku. I appreciate it.” Izuku smiles, and the Solstice Sword hums as he gets ahead of the party.

“Hark, Bearer!” Izuku glances at the sword. What is it? “There is an evil here, like your friend fearth.” Izuku frowns, but decides not to just blurt out that information. Where? Is it close? Is it the forest? Izuku asks, and Solstice vibrates. “Not that I can telleth. I thinkst there may be a trap or barrier of pure darkness around this forest. Perhaps around Reneumel.” Izuku scoffs. Yeah, where were you when Shoto was being kidnapped? Some Lathander's Lighting would've been nice! He tells the sword, with some resentment.

The sword buzzes. “I am sorry. I used mine magical energy too much all at once. Lathander's Lightning in particular taketh a long time to rechargeth.” But it's been like four days! How do you expect me to defeat Dendar when I can only use you EVERY FOUR DAYS?!

“Thou art right. I should have toldst thee that I can goeth into a slumber if mine magic isn't sufficient, for I cannot maintain mine magical blade with the power that is given unto me.” Izuku sighs. Well, I find that answer insufficient, but I suppose there's nothing I can do about that. Do you think we'll be safe exiting the forest?

“As long as thou doth not useth up mine magic before the endeth of this Forest, I thinkest that thou shalt beest fine.” Izuku swallows. I hope that whatever Eijiro and the Solstice Sword are sensing isn't gonna be so dangerous. But when have we ever been that lucky? Knowing our luck, Ochaco will turn into Dendar again, and try and take the Sword of Light from me. NO. I can't think that way. Ochaco has done a great job of keeping Dendar in check. She can handle this too...right?

[ververa]

“You are enough”

CHAPTER 7 (part 2)

And so the ceremony started. Ellie didn't leave her girlfriend even for a while – until a few of her aunts interfere. They claimed that since Ronnie is the youngest she would make a great job taking care of kids for a while when they will be chatting. The girl agreed and left them smiling at her girlfriend – who promised to join her soon. Little did Ellie know that the things were about spinning out of control.

Ronnie had never really liked spending time with children and there she was. Kind of trapped in the huge garden with a group of shouting little kids. At the very beginning everything was fine – they were enjoying themselves – doing the kids' things – and she was just watching, so that none of them can get hurt.

At the same time Ellie got stuck with the other women from the family. They were all mothers already and so they soon began to talk about having a family.

"So, Ellie" started one of them "Do you plan on getting married or something or is it just a kind of casual acquaintance?"

"She's my fiancee. And to be honest it was never just a casual acquaintance"

"Fiancee?"

"Yes. I proposed and she said yes" she smiled

"Oh my god! Really?" one of them exclaimed

"How long have you been together?" the other one asked

"Almost 2 years"

"And how did you two meet?"

"Well, she used to be my patient for a while"

"Wait. My child is being taken care of by a nut?" asked Lena

"And are going to have kids?" asked the other one at the same time

Ellie was confused

"I- Don't call her that! She's not a nut!"

Lena rolled her eyes at how protectively Ellie acted

"We... We talked about it, but we didn't decide yet"

"You should consider it. She's young and healthy. She can carry the baby. For now, but how long it will be like that?" Lena said as if she were an expert

"I'm not going to push her into anything. She doesn't like it"

"Sometimes you need to take the control over. Kind of put her in her place"

"I beg you pardon? What do you mean by this actually?"

Ronnie began to wonder what takes Ellie so long and why she still needs to look after the kids. She tried not to pay too much attention to how bratty they began to act, until one of them - a boy named Archie kicked the ball to the swimming pool.

"Fuck!" he yelled

"Watch your language" she reprimanded

The boy looked at her

"That's not what you told aunt Ellie when she was yelling fuck in the morning"

Ronnie stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds

"Aunt Ellie is a grown woman. She's allowed to use such words in particular situations"

"My mom never yells fuck"

"Well, maybe she doesn't have such situations with your dad"

"Like what do you mean?"

"Nothing. You'll find out when you're older"

"I want to know now"

"Archie, you're too little... We can talk about it when you're older. For now just go back and play with the rest"

"I won't until you tell me"

"I already said I won't. I don't like to repeat myself, so just do one!"

"I'll tell my mom!"

"Tell her what?"

"That you're not nice to me"

"I'm nice. Trust me, I can be worst than that"

"I want my ball back. Give it to me!"

"I'm not your servant. Ask me nicely and I'll think about it"

"Fuck you"

"Hey! Little..." she was about cursing, but bit her tongue "You'd better go back and play with the rest"

Archie huffed and ran towards the other boy who was holding his own ball. The boy tried to whip it off from him and when the other kid didn't let him, Archie jerked him with such force he fell down.

"Hey! Stop it!"

"Don't tell me what to do! You're not my mom!"

That was enough. Ronnie wasn't able to control herself any more

"You're lucky I'm not your mother. If I were you wouldn't even dare to act like a little arsehole you are!" she snapped at him

Archie looked at her. He already knew he won't get what he wanted with Ronnie, so he began to cry "Mommy!!!"

"Fuck..." she mumbled to herself seeing Lena walking towards them

"What happened sweetheart?"

"Ronnie is rude!"

"No! I just..."

"She didn't want to help me with pulling my ball out of water. And she said I'm stupid and called me an arsehole" he cried

"How dare you use such words with kids?! And how could you insult my son like that?! He's only a child!" "I did not! Oh my god... This is crazy"

"Crazy?! You're the one crazy thing here! I hope you won't have children, cause you will be a terrible mother!"

And suddenly there was a complete silence. Everyone was looking at them and waiting what will happen next. Ronnie got a load of all of them. They were staring at her as if she had killed someone. Her eyes met Ellie's – who just appeared at the backyard. She seemed to be furious and the girl freaked out. Ronnie walked into the house as soon as possible trying to hold her tears back.

"Are you satisfied?!" Ellie snapped at Lena "She did nothing to you and you little fucked up son. It's him! He always gets on everyone's nerves, but you don't see it. Or just pretend you don't. And you're the one who's a terrible mother! You not only can't reign over a 6 year old kid but also cannot control yourself! You're the one fucked up here!" and with this Ellie hurried to the house to find her girlfriend

_______________________-

"Ronney?" she knocked to the bathroom's door and would open them if the girl hadn't locked them from inside "Baby, open the door"

"Leave me alone!" she sniffled

"You know I won't" she sighed "Please, honey bun. Open. I want to see you"

"You saw enough"

"Ronney... She's a bitch and he is a spoiled brat"

Ellie didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say, so as not to make the things even worst

"It wasn't my fault" she cried

"I know, baby"

"I didn't mean to... He was just..."

"I know. Open the door, Ronnie"

"She's right. I will be a terrible mother" she cried

"What? No! Ronnie, no. You won't. She's the one terrible here. Come on, open. I want to hug you"

"No. Ellie, please, just go away"

"I won't. I'm going to sit right here and wait until you open"

There was a long silence – no words were spoken and only some sniffles could be heard. Ronnie wanted to open. She wanted Ellie to hold her close, but was also afraid. She was sure Ellie thought the same as her aunts. She was terrified that she won't look at her the same way as she used to. That she would see a heartless woman not good enough to be a mother. Maybe not even wanting to be.

"Ronney? You don't have to open. Just... talk to me. Tell me what's bothering you, so I can fix it"

The girl took a deep breath

"I-I... What if..." she cried again; fresh tears streaming down her cheeks destroying her make up completely "She's right. I won't be a good mother. Not after all that happened. And I-I... Don't want to any more..."

"She is not. And she didn't have the right to judge you. She knows nothing. She doesn't know you the way I do. She doesn't know how carring and loving you are. She doesn't know how creative and talented you are. She doesn't know anything. And I think that if you will ever have a baby... that little creature will have the best mom ever. And he or she will be the luckiest kid in the world just like I'm the luckiest woman – having you"

And the sniffles stopped. Instead of them Ellie heard a click of the lock and then there was Ronnie – standing in the door. Her eyes were red and puffy and her makeup was smeared. She looked like a mess, but Ellie didn't care. She didn't pay attention to all of this. She only saw her precious girl.

"You aren’t mad at me?" she asked with shaking voice as Ellie approached her

"Why would I be?"

"I... I thought you think the same. And you don't want me any more, because I'm not good enough to... have kids"

"How could I ever think something like that?"

"I looked at you... And you were so furious. I could see it in your eyes"

"I was. I was furious, but not with you" she moved her hand towards the girl afraid that if she would do something more Ronnie may run away "Come here"

And she did. The girl let her girlfriend pull her closer and held her – still trembling – body.

"Shhh. It's okay. You're good" she said caressing the girl's back and hair in a soothing way "Shhh. Baby girl. There's no need to cry"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for" she kissed her wet cheek

"I must look terrible right now"

"No... You look cute. Like a little panda" she chuckled

Ronnie smiled

"Here you are. That's my girl" she pecked her lips gently "Come on, let's get you cleaned and let's go back to the party. No bitch is going to spoil our fun tonight"

Ronnie nodded.

__________________

When they came back to the rest of the guests, Ellie didn't leave her until the end of the party. She was holding her close placing a soft and soothing kisses to the girl's forehead from time to time. She let her sit on her lap as they were watching how Ellie's cousin and his new wife were dancing together.

"She looks beautiful in those dress" Ronnie stated

"You will look way better in yours"

The girl looked at Ellie.

"What?" the older woman asked

"Nothing. Just... I love you"

"Oh, I love you too, princess"

"Do you think we can dance?"

"I..." she wanted to say that she doesn't dance, but those beautiful pleading eyes made here weak

"I mean, I know you don't dance. But I..."

"It will be my pleasure"

Ronnie smiled happily as she put her hands on the woman's hips.

"Just like I taught you. Move your hips" she instructed helping her to catch the rhythm

Luckily for Ellie it was one of the slow songs, so swaying was just enough – especially that Ronnie seemed to be exhausted.

They were dancing for a while, before Ronnie spoke up

"Ellie?"

The older woman hummed in response

"I think... I don't want to have kids"

"Ronney, she..."

"It's not because of her. I just don't want them now. Maybe in the future... But now I only want you"

And Ellie couldn't help, but hugged her tight

“I hate to interrupt” Robin and Stephanie stopped next to them “May I have this dance?” she offerend his daughter a hand

“I-” Ellie hesitated not wanting to leave her girlfriend

“Go” Ronnie smiled

“You sure?”

“Yes. Don’t worry, I won’t fight again”

“I’ll take care of her” Stephanie stated smiling friendly

Ellie looked at the woman, but say nothing. She seemed to get nervous around her. Ronnie knew about Ellie’s mother accident. The woman told her how she died and so on, but she never liked talking about her stepmother.

“How are you?” asked Stephanie as they were approaching the table

“I… I’m okay”

“I heard what has happened”

“Everyone did, probably”

“Don’t worry about it. Lena is just… herself. It’s hard to understand sometimes and she definitely doesn’t understand the women, who don’t want to have kids. For her only this matters”

“It’s not like I don’t want to have kids. Or maybe… I just don’t know any more”

“It’s okay not to want kids”

“You know… I think that maybe I want them, but I don’t feel like being pregnant. I had some eating disorders, you know. And I don’t think I can do this. I mean the woman’s body changes during and after the pregnancy… But I’m afraid to talk about it with Ellie. I don’t know why I’m telling it you. I barely know you”

“Well, sometimes it’s easier to talk with a stranger. And what’s you mother’s opinion? She definitely knows you better, so maybe she can help…”

“Actually, I don’t talk with her at all. She’s one of those toxic mothers, you know. So, it’s like I don’t have family at all” she smiled sadly

“Oh, I’m sorry”

At the same time, Ellie was dancing and talking with her father.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That you… That you met someone”

“Dad… I just didn’t feel like…” she hesitated

“Visiting us? Calling?”

“I was busy”

“I bet you were. Look, I know you’re working a lot, but it would be nice to see you or at least hear your voice. I and Stephie”

Ellie rolled her eyes at the woman’s name

“We would like you to visit us tomorrow. We can have a dinner together or whatever you want”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. Ronnie is already at the edge. One more incident and it may be too much”

“We’re inviting only the two of you and Michael and Amy. No Lena there”

“I-”

“I ask you for two hours only. Do you think you can give me at least a little bit of your precious time?”

“I’ll talk about it with Ronnie” she stopped moving “I should look for her” she smiled and left Robin there

The girl was still sitting with Stephanie. They talked a little bit more about work and life in general. Ronnie smiled seeing the psychiatrist approaching them.

“I’m tired. Shall we go to our room?” Ellie asked not looking in Stephanie's direction

“Of course” she stood up “Thanks for the talk. It was really nice”

“You’re welcome” the older woman smiled

_______________________

It was bothering Ellie since they came back to the room. What were they talking about? Ronnie seemed to enjoy the conversation and in general the presence of her stepmother.

“What were you chatting about?” she asked finally

“About various things. Work – she said she would like to see my paintings” she said excitedly

“Great” she said without enthusiasm

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing”

Ronnie arched her eyebrow questioningly

“You like her, don’t you?”

“She’s nice…” the girl shrugged “Why shouldn’t I like her?”

Ellie looked at the girl

“She’s my stepmother!”

“So what? She didn’t do anything wrong, did she?”

“She took my mother’s place!”

“Well…” she thought for a while “Maybe you should appreciate it. Just be happy that you have someone like Stephanie, who wants to act like your mom”

“I didn’t ask her to act like that. I didn’t want her to. I never did!”

It was hard for Ronnie to talk about such topics, so she got riled up quiet easily

“You, at least, have a good mother figure. You should respect it instead of making problems out of nothing!”

“So, I’m the bad one now?!”

“I didn’t say that” she sat on the bed “I just… I’ll do anything to have someone like Stephanie. Even if she would be my stepmom. Maybe it’s high time you appreciated it?!”

“Well, maybe you still need someone who will replace your mother, but I don’t! I’m capable of being on my own”

Ellie’s eyes widened with terror, as she realized what she just said. Ronnie said nothing. She only stood up before the woman could grab her hand

“Ronney… I-”

“I’ll take a walk” she said walking towards the door

“Baby?” she wanted to go after her

“Don’t! It’s enough for today. I need some fresh air”

“Ronnie I didn’t mean...”

The girl shook her head leaving the room.

Ronnie didn’t know where to go, so she simply went to the terrace. She smoked 2 cigarettes, before Stephanie appeared.

“What are you doing here? I thought you’re with Ellie in your room”

“Well” she shrugged “We argued”

“What happened?” she came closer

Ronnie looked at her. She barely managed to hold her tears back.

“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s not my business probably”

“No. It’s okay”

Stephanie smiled friendly

“I’ll bring you a blanket, so we can sit here and talk. If you want of course” the older woman said

Ronnie nodded. And after a while Stephanie was back with a fluffy material.

“Here you are, sweetheart”

“Thank you”

Stephanie only smiled making her way to the chairs and pointing at the girl to sit down too.

“Ellie is… an incredible person, but it’s hard to get to her sometimes”

“Yeah. It is” she agreed

“She acts like she doesn’t care, but she does”

“Yes, I know. You see, I tried to get to her many times. I wanted… I don’t know. Just I treat her as if she were my own child, even though I know she hates me for some reason…”

“She thinks you wanted to  replace her mother”

“I… I did not. I have never wanted it. I knew I won’t be able to replace Amanda – I’m nothing like her. But I  hoped that maybe we could at least befriend. You know, it’s good to have someone…”

“Yes. I know, but she doesn’t understand how it is when you have to be on your own for the whole time. And she probably thinks it’s stupid that I want such person…” she wiped her cheek, as she could feel the tears escaping her eyes

“She doesn’t. She loves you”

“But she said so”

“What? What do you mean?” she offered her hand to the girl and Ronnie gladly took it

“That I’m not capable of being on my own. That I cannot take care of myself and so on… But you know, I’m just tired of it. I had to do this for my whole life. I love her. I really do, but it hurt”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sure she didn’t mean it. She was probably nervous and wasn’t thinking about what she’s saying”

“Yeah… It is probably too much for the one night. First, Lena almost called me a monster and said I will never be a good mother and now Ellie”

“I don’t know you good enough, but I’m sure you’ll be a great mother one day. You’re caring and full of love that you’re eager to give to someone”

“But I don’t know if I want it”

“You’re young. You have a lot of time to think about it. And if you won’t want to carry the baby, you can always think about adoption. Ellie has never wanted to talk to me, so I’m not experienced when it comes to such conversations. But it’s okay to not being sure about something. It’s okay to have doubts. We’re all only humans – we all make mistakes”

As the door shut Ellie broke down. She was devastated – not only because of a painful memories, but because she hurt the most important person in her life. She did it in the worst of possible ways and couldn’t get over it. She cried for some time and when the tears didn’t want to fall any more she was just laying in bed. She was thinking. Recalling everything that Ronnie said. Maybe she was right. She definitely was – of course. Ronnie was younger, but was probably one of the most intelligent people Ellie knew. The woman sometimes wondered how it could be – that she knows so much. That she knows what to say, how to act in certain situations – when even she – the great psychiatrist didn’t.

She began to think of Stephanie – how she was always there for her, but she was too stubborn to appreciate it. It hit her all at once and she felt terrible.

She was brought back from her thoughts by a light knock to the door. Ellie stood up slowly and opened. It was Stephanie

“Hi” the older woman smiled “I just want to tell you that Ronnie fell asleep on the couch. So, don’t worry about her. She’s… well, hurt, but safe” she smiled and wanted to leave

“Wait” Ellie stopped her

“What is it?”

“Thank you”

“Not for what” she smiled “But you should apologise to her – whatever happen. It doesn’t matter whose fault it was. Just apologise and tell her you love her. She deserves it”

Ellie moved to the woman and surprised her with a hug

“Thank you for everything” she said

Stephanie didn’t know how to act at first, but soon she hugged her back.

“I’m sorry” Ellie sobbed

“Shhh. Don’t cry. It’s okay”

“D-do you think I can go to her now?”

“I think you can”

“Thanks” she pulled away wiping her tears and chuckling a bit embarrassed with the whole situation

_______________

“Hey” Ellie whispered kneeling in front of the sleeping girl

Ronnie opened her eyes slowly

“I…” she wanted to say something

“No, no. It’s my fault. You were right about everything. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. It didn’t come out properly. I know you are able to be on your own, but you don’t have to. I don’t want you to. I want you to rely on me, always. No matter what happens. I love you.”

“I love you too”

At this Ellie kissed her.

“Will you come back to bed with me? I cannot sleep without you by my side”

“I will” she hugged her

The psychiatrist smiled and lifted her almost effortlessly. Ellie carried her to their room and made sure the girl slept as close as possible to her that night.