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litgwritersroom · 2 years

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The Hating Game

S2 | Lucas/MC | 5600+ words | @i-boop-you

Enemies-to-lovers office romance based off of the novel of the same name.

Birthday fic for @tammyisobsessedwith. Trope: Office Romance. Character: Lucas.

“I have a theory. Hating someone feels disturbingly similar to being in love with them.” - Sally Thorne, The Hating Game

Tick-tock, tick-tock. The clock on the office wall continues its ever-present drilling, reminding me time is ticking and I have better things to do than play this little game with my biggest rival. For the life of me, I cannot stop playing.

I stare ahead where his desk is opposite mine, and ignore what I’m paid to do for something much more gratifying. Winning against Lucas Koh.

It’s the mirror game today. I do one thing, he does the same, then he does something else, and I copy it, and on and on it goes until one of us gives in and the other wins. I keep a score of our victories and losses, and he’s one ahead of me, so I cannot afford to let him win again.

Lucas runs his thumb over his bottom lip, a subtle wet line appearing on both, his eyes locked on mine. Not to be outdone, I do the same, my lips pouting at the same time as his, copying the heavy look of superiority in his stare.

He’s wearing the light blue shirt today; paired with the yellow striped tie that’s the flashiest thing he likes to dress in while at work. Always the same, always the same, is dear Lucas Koh. Every two weeks the wardrobe cycle continues, down to a pat. Nothing new.

The main office door opens and out comes our boss, ready to unconsciously decide the winner of today’s game.

“Doctor Lucas,” Jasper says, using his needling nickname for Lucas and gratifying me not once but twice by doing so, “Take these files to Erikah and get me ten copies.”

He dumps a hefty stack on Lucas’ desk. Once his hands are free, he stands with them on his hips, pushing back his jacket to help define his physique. Jasper isn’t a bad looking man, in fact he’s incredibly handsome, but just like Lucas, there’s one vital flaw to him that’s really hard to look past.

“Honey,” he calls out my name, eyes sweeping down over my legs through the glass desk, “you’re looking lovely today, no wonder Lucas has been slacking all afternoon. I should move your desk into my office instead of out here, and maybe some work would get done.”

He’s a total ass.

I laugh insipidly, just how he likes, and flick my hair over my shoulder. “And if I’m in your office all day, sir, how do you expect me to get any work done?”

Jasper smiles and bites down on his bottom lip. He always stands tall, but when it comes to standing around me, he does so with his hips thrust forwards, really emphasising the pea under the mattress that is his cock in his trousers.

I have no interest in sleeping with our boss, but I’ve learnt that it fucking drives Lucas mad when I flirt back with Jasper. Even now, the files Jasper gave him already in hand, and he’s still here, watching on with a surly furrow of his brow.

Sitting on my desk, leaning down towards me, “I’m sure I’d find a way to keep you busy, Honey.”

My fake laugh comes out, the really annoying one that Lucas hates. I flash a look at him and catch him frowning deeply. Jasper spots me looking on and turns suddenly to see Lucas still there. “Doctor Lucas, do you need further instructions?” He asks.

“No, sir, of course not,” Lucas says, a fake smile raising the corners of his mouth. “I’ve got some other things to copy, so I’m just gathering them up.”

“Try not to work too hard, son.”

With that, Jasper gets up from my desk and heads back to his office.

“Need a hand with the heavy load, Lucas?” I ask. “If the task is too much for you.”

“Of course not, Honeybuns, I would never think to trouble you with actual work,” he bites back. He has no extra papers, only the ones from Jasper. “Besides, how else will you flirt with the boss if you leave with me?”

I wave him off, delighting at how infuriated it’ll make him. “Oh, we’re hardly flirting. Keep it up and I’ll start thinking you're jealous or something.”

Already I’m back at my computer, setting out on catching up with what I can while he strops off and dismissing him and the conversation all in one go.

Lucas is on his way to the lift, talking back to me as he goes. “And if you keep it up, I’ll start thinking you’re trying to make me jealous … or something.” He repeats my last line like a ‘gotcha’, and I have time only to glare at him before he disappears into the lift.

Since he got the last word, when I check off the tally I keep of our score, the line goes hard through to the next page. I’m still glaring at those closed doors long after he’s gone.

By the time our great Lucas makes his return, there’s scarcely time enough for us to get in another jab or two before the clock tells us it’s hometime. We both wait at our desks until Jasper leaves first. Like usual, he’s on the phone and barely gives us a wave before he heads down to his Jaguar.

That leaves Lucas and I alone.

“Are you not getting a lift back with your boyfriend?” Lucas asks, beginning the ritual bickering that accompanies our daily trek downstairs.

“Don’t you obsessively take note of everything in my life enough to know that I don’t have one?”

“I meant the boss. Don’t worry, you don’t have to hide it from me. I swear it’ll be our little secret.”

“I’m afraid not, Lucas. Looks like you’ve still only got one little secret to keep.”

“Let me guess, that’s a penis joke? Way to keep it classy, Honeybuns.”

“Well, if the shoe fits, Doctor Lucas, and let's face it, the shoe in question isn’t very big, is it?”

“Why are you so concerned about my dick size, Honeybuns? Do you think about it a lot? Does it keep you up at night?”

“The only way it can keep a girl up at night.”

We’re in the lift, bags and jackets in hand, standing face-to-face. Despite the space within the lift, we’re close. The tips of my toes are placed in line with his, my chest near enough to bump into his at the slightest jutter and jilt of the mechanical box we’re in.

“So you admit it?” He smirks. “Thinking about me keeps you up at night?”

I’m furious at myself for blushing, but I can’t hide my face and show weakness. My lips purse, I reply, “With my head over the toilet.”

“After drowning your sorrows all night, I’ll bet.”

“At the thought of having to spend day after day with you.”

“More like at the thought of not getting to spend night after night with me.”

The doors are just about to close, but a hand snaps in, blocking it from going all the way. The doors open again and the Head of HR ushers herself in, but at the sight of me and Lucas toe-to-toe, she lets out an ungodly groan, rolling her eyes.

“God, I thought you were both gone,” Marisol says, doing nothing to disguise her strained voice. “I thought it would be safe to get in the lift.”

“Come now, Marisol,” Lucas says, putting on his hoity toity accent just because he knows it’ll annoy me more. He’s good at playing these wind up games; he always knows how to push my buttons, and more infuriatingly, he knows how to do it where it doesn’t look like that’s what he’s doing. So I look crazy. “Honeybuns and I aren’t that bad. Mummy and Daddy just have disagreements from time to time, nothing out of the ordinary.”

“You two are the worst part of my job,” Marisol replies, deadpan.

As soon as the doors open to the car park, Marisol gets straight out of sight. My spot is allocated next to Lucas’, so we’re still heading the same way. We’re playing a new game as we stride across the stoney ground. This part of the day, the only two games are, ‘No, After You’ where we each let the other in front, making them paranoid we’re going to do something childish like pants one another or shove them over the ledge to the ground floor and kill them.

Today the game is ‘Race You’. We’re both speeding, but trying to make it look like we’re not. We’re a pace beneath jogging and fooling no one.

“Careful there, Honeybuns, after a full day of doing nothing, I don’t want you to strain yourself,” Lucas jabs as he tries to overtake me.

I speed up, elbowing him back. “I suppose it makes no difference to you since you’re already going home smelling musty.”

“I’d hardly go that far, but I can understand that even the slightest break of a sweat would be foreign enough to you that you think it’s too much.”

“I’m just glad there’s not a poor, unfortunate girl waiting in your quiet, dull flat for you to stink the place up the moment you step in the door.”

“Give it thirty minutes and there’s going to be a poor, unfortunate girl in your quiet and dull flat. Only this one’s sadder because she knows not to expect any company.”

God, ouch. Fuck him. So what if there hasn’t been another human being in my flat besides my landlord doing his annual check up in the last few weeks. Or months.

Yeah, no, he’s got a point, that is sadder. Fuck him harder for being right.

“Oh, like you’ve got a booming social life, Mr Spends Every Waking Moment Not at Work at the Gym,” I cut back at him.

“Hey, if you want pointers, all you have to do is ask, Honeybuns.”

That’s when he knocks me with his hip. We’re right at our cars now, and I go knocking into my orange Fiat 500. I can only throw him a glare, mouth hanging open in a sneer while he smirks and climbs on his dumb motorbike.

Because he’s not sexy enough, apparently.

Just as I’m thinking about riding it (the bike, not Lucas … I swear), I get a wisp of determination through me. Wasting no more time, I throw myself in my car, lobbing my purse and coat into the passenger seat over the books I keep forgetting to take into the flat. Before Lucas can rev up his engine, I’ve got the keys in the ignition. I spin out of the parking spot without buckling in my belt yet. I do it absently as I drive to the exit.

When I pull up three cars behind Marisol, the obnoxious roar of a motorbike pulls up next to my window. Lucas’ ass sits perfectly in my line of sight. God, but he’s got a better ass than most girls I know.

One more of life’s great injustices.

My eyes flicker up, just in time to catch Lucas catching me ogling his ass. Aw, fuck. I quickly spin to face ahead, eyes determinedly on the standstill traffic, hands gripping hard on the steering wheel. Lucas revs his engine, trying to get my attention again, to rile me up some more.

I ignore him. Or I want to. But it’s so satisfying getting a win, I can’t resist for too long. I roll down my window, giving him the cutest evils I can. It’s his cue to flip up the lid of his helmet. God, he shouldn’t be so gorgeous even in that stupid thing, but he is. It’s like he was made to be physically flawless.

Still, you can’t have everything. Hence his total asshole-ary.

“We’re going to be stuck here for another five minutes at least,” he grins. “So feel free to enjoy the view while you can. I’d hate to think that you're too embarrassed to enjoy something fantastic, but come to think of it … that’s pretty on-brand for you, right?”

I screw my face up, making a disgusted noise. “First off, your ass is not that great -” He throws me a disbelieving look - “and secondly, I never let embarrassment rule me, so there.”

Oh, that was lame. That was so very lame, lame, lame.

Despite already turning away, I turn back sharp to add, “... And thirdly!” My finger is up, poised to emphasise a point that never comes. I sit there, mouth open, head empty.

A car leaves, and so begins the slow plod forwards. I use this as an excuse to drop the conversation, but Lucas halts next to me again, and leans down on his handlebars, resting his head over his arms, so that he can look properly into my car.

“You were saying?” He asks, shit-eating grin as present as ever.

I pause just for a moment, pretending I’m relishing my awesome comeback before firing off the blank that is, “... I was just going to reiterate again that your ass is not that great. Pretty mid, if you ask me.”

“Well, in your humble opinion, I’m going to take that as a ten out of ten.” He sits back up, revs his bike once more, pauses only so I can hear him add, “Your own is probably a nine point five. See you tomorrow, Honeybuns. I promise I’ll work you harder than usual just so you can keep up with me.”

There’s only the crude and obnoxious sound of his bike as he shoots off to the front of the queue, followed by the nauseating smell of his exhaust.

How annoying that he gets to cheat to win the ‘Race You’ game.

He was spot on with how long it took me to get home. There was no racing for me even when I managed to finally pull out of the building’s parking garage. There was never a chance for me to rush when it came to rush hour.

Still, I got home in the end, so that’s always something. Into the quiet flat goes the poor, unfortunate girl. Not a dull flat, though. I literally have stuff everywhere, bursting from my shelves, stacks of books with nowhere to home them, ornaments of every calibre, and pictures hanging on every wall. This flat is more alive than me as I immediately grab my laptop and go lie on my sofa with it the moment my coat and shoes are off.

Time to write some fanfiction. Well, first I have to answer my comments. Then, I can write. Set up my playlist, reread where I last was, set out a goal of a thousand words, and here I go, delving into the world I created for Chris Evans’ Captain America.

After a phone call to my parents, a dinner of leftover butter chicken heated up in the mee-cro-wav-ey, and a quick shower, I went back to writing for the night. To change things up, I got snuggled up in bed to finish up the latest chapter. The perfect place to be for writing smut before lights out.

Maybe that’s where things went wrong though. Maybe that’s where they went very, very wrong.

Was I asleep? I must have been.

Why else would Lucas Koh have been in my bedroom, in my bed.

I only noticed him at first as he slid his hand up my thigh while I lay there, dreaming of the day. I woke up to his lips pressing into the back of my shoulder, his breath hot on my neck, sending a surge of heat between my legs.

“Hey there, Honeybuns,” he said, his hushed tones singing into my ear. The tingle spread throughout the rest of my body as his delicate touch moved up my thigh, like a warm whisper on my cool skin. “It’s tomorrow. Time for me to work you so fucking hard.”

His fingers slipped under my shorts, his lips caressed my cheek, making their way to mine. His mouth was hot on my skin, opening me up instantly. His fingers brushed over my clit. I moaned into his mouth, and he panted back, the feel of his hard-on at my hip. He circled his finger over me and over me and over me and - and -

I had the vaguest idea that I was dreaming by this point, but I couldn’t allow myself to slip out of it. I couldn’t wake up before finishing. I needed Lucas to stay; I needed his mouth, I needed his fingers; I needed him.

“I knew you thought of me late at night,” he whispered, keeping me so on edge I felt like I might cry. “I think about you, too. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve dreamt about bending you over the desk to play ‘Who Can Make Who Cum First’?”

My voice shakes as I reply, “I think you’re gonna win -”

And he does. I falter at his touch, twisting in his arms as he sees a side of me I swore he never would. I want to look in his eyes as he makes me cum, I want to feel him there, I want him - I want Lucas Koh in my bed and I -

Oh fuck!

I snap awake, springing up in bed with my eyes staring out in the darkness of my empty, Lucas-Koh-less room. The words ‘what the fuck?’ repeat in my head over and over like their racing my pulsing heart.

Oh my God, did I have a wet dream about Lucas? How. Dare. He. Who does he think he is to penetrate my mind and my sleeping consciousness like this?

I’m too riled, the area between my legs too electrified, for me to sleep again. I lay there for the next hour staring at the ceiling, watching without seeing as the darkness shifts across my room, being parted away by the morning sun.

Fuck me, Lucas Koh, you are not going to get the better of me. This means all out war.

When I get to the office, I am a storm. A fire. One to be reckoned with. I blaze in there wearing the tiniest skirt I own, feeling the fringe sway just below the curve of my ass; my heels clack on the hardwood flooring, announcing my entrance. Lucas is watching from his desk, the look on his face like someone’s brought out the most tempting dessert -

Face first, I hit the floor. I swear loudly as the contents of my black leather bag go spilling across the room. I refuse to look at Lucas as I scour for them on my hands and knees, but I hear him clear his throat, his chair scraping across the ground as he goes to get up. Fuck.

“Nice try, Honeybuns,” he says. “You almost looked respectable for a minute there.”

He bends down in front of me. No amount of curtaining my hair over my face to shield me from him could hide that outrageously unfair bulge that presses down his tailored trousers. If Jasper’s was a pea in a mattress, Lucas’ was the stuffing that made it feel just right.

“Something caught your eye there?” He asks, narrowing in at me while the corner of his mouth turns up.

“Nothing of note,” I say, hauling myself onto my feet. I stand rightened, my head held high like there had been no mishaps on my part, staring him down. Or up, since he’s taller.

Lucas is still smirking smugly as he whips his hand up, holding a condom wrapper between his fingers. “Big night planned?”

I swipe at it before he can see the expiration date that’s come and gone. I use the momentum of my sweep to propel me to my desk, wiping my hair behind me in my wake.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Interpret my asking however you like, Honey.”

I glare at him as I hang my coat up, turning my head sharply in hopes of catching his eyes looking somewhere they shouldn’t be. No such luck. It’s like he knows my very next move each time. Worse still, even the thought of him looking at me lewdly makes me want to press my thighs together to block out how it really makes me feel.

He leans against his desk, arms folded over his chest, as smug as Jasper on his worst days, and cocks his head at me expectantly.

“If you must know,” I say, my mind melting as panic mode sweeps in, “I do have big plans.”

“Not with any family, I hope.”

I sit at my desk, shooting him daggers as I gracefully take my place. “Of course not.”

“So, big date?” He prods, the look on his face clear that he thinks this is bullshit.

I hunch forwards, trying to channel the aura of one of those creepy witches who give out curses in the movies in the hopes it’ll give him the heebie jeebies and he’ll back off. “What’s it to you?”

He shrugs. “Just curious. I’ve known you for a year and a half now, but I’ve never seen you go out on a date.”

“Stalker much?”

“More like you’re just really boring and predictable.”

“Oh, well, when was the last time you had a hot date?”

“How crude would it be for me to say last night with your mum?”

I screw my face up to hide the fact that I kind of want to laugh. “Extremely.”

“I actually do have a hot date tonight,” he said, tongue flicking out over his lips, reminding me of how they felt crawling across my skin last night - I mean, in my dreams. How hot and soft they were, the way they lit my skin on fire, made me feel more alive while I slept than I have in the waking world in God knows how long.

“Oh really?” I asked, incredulity masking the heaviness that’s weighted itself in my stomach. “And who’s the poor, unfortunate soul that you’ve suckered into having to spend hours of alone time with you? I want to give her a medal.”

He smirks. “Don’t forget to give yourself gold.”

Rolling my eyes, I replied back, “You still haven’t given me a name. Is this woman as imaginary as your last girlfriend?”

“Oh, she’s real, all right, and you still haven’t told me your big plans, Honeybuns. If you want to know about my night, you have to tell me about yours.”

Why is that making me hot? Why is him bossing me about, niggling me to come clean, to confess so that he can one-up me again, making me stir like some godless heathen? I mean, sure, I guess I am, but like … not for him. This shouldn’t be happening.

I can’t let one sexy dream steal my power. I have to keep fighting back. This is all a game after all. Today, it’s just ‘Would I Lie to You?’, and you can bet that I’ll lie through my teeth to win against Lucas Koh.

“Well, if you must know, and let’s face it, you’re such a creepy little stalker you’d find out anyway -” I catch him raising his brows - “yes, I also have a date.”

“Wow,” he says, in the most deadpan tone. “Thinking about me in the dead of night must really be getting the better of you if you need to get all dressed up like this and go on a date.”

We lock eyes. I feel like I’ve flatlined.

“Wha…” he begins, confused, before his eyes widen and his jaw drops. “Oh. Is that what all of this is about? The short skirt, the date, the condom?” He smugly narrows his eyes at me as I do my best not to go red. “Did you have a sex dream about me last night?”

“No,” I say, but as it slips from my lips I can feel my cheeks burning. “I just … I really have a date.”

His brows knit together. And thus begins the rapid fire questions. “Where are you going?”

“The Beach Hut.”

“What time?”

“6.30.”

“Drinks or food?”

“Drinks.”

“Favourite drink?”

“Violet Man.”

“You like it spicy?”

“I like it spicy.”

“Who’s you date?”

My mouth opens. Nothing comes out. I sound like I’m being lightly strangled as I choke out the words, “None of your business.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he shrugs, finally getting his ass up off of his glass desk. He strides around it to get to his seat. “My date’s at 6.30 at the Beach Hut, too. So, I guess I’ll see you there.”

Now it’s time for me to narrow my eyes at him. Bastard.

During the morning, we play the Quiet Game. Neither of us talk until lunch; our conversation remains told through glares, pointed note-taking and typing, and slight change in our expressions; a tilt of the head, a sharp look in the eye, a curl of the lip.

Lunch is ‘Let’s Order Out’ where we go back and forth on picking more inane take-aways that the other is going to hate until we just get our usual Deli salad and sandwich. I paid for it today, meaning Lucas will pay next time.

After lunch, ‘The Mirror Game’ is back in swing. He picks up a pen, as do I. When I swivel in my seat to get a file, I hear the wheels of his chair turning, too. On and on it goes, game after game, bringing me closer and closer to the point that I’m dreading: the end of the working day.

We don’t get out until 5.30 or 5.45 usually, so I have time to gather myself before the supposed date. I spend a ridiculous amount of time holed up in the bathroom to buy myself time, but when I come out, Lucas is still at his desk. He looks like he’s waiting for me.

“Do you need a ride?” He asks.

I had to drop my old girl off for her MOT this morning, which wasn’t an issue since I’d just need to go home and not anywhere else after work. Oh how the turn tables.

“No need,” I say, grabbing my jacket. “I’m just going to walk. I have time.”

“Did you bring an umbrella? It’s pouring out there.”

The rain had been lashing it down on the floor length windows all afternoon, dousing out the sun and putting a dreary spin on what was already a pretty dour day.

“You drive a motorbike,” I said. “I can’t imagine how I could get wetter than riding that thing while clinging to you.”

He raises a brow. “I’ve got an idea or two.”

“You know what I mean.”

He walks up next to me and I fall into step beside him, and together we head to the lift for one ride down. “Of course I do,” he grins, “and I actually did the smart thing and looked at the weather forecast this morning, so I knew it’d be raining. That’s why I brought my car.”

“Won’t your date be pissed to see you showing up with another girl?”

“I don’t think she’ll mind since it’s you.”

“Oh, she knows me, does she? What, does she work with us or something?”

His gaze is hot on me. “...Yeah, you can say that.”

He’s lying, I know it. There is no girl. He’s just messing with me. My game plan to get a text from my mum about an emergency is no longer needed, not when I can show him up for trying to show me up.

“Is she pretty?” I ask.

He replies, “Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

“Then how did she get suckered into a date with you?”

“She lost a game.”

“What kind of game?”

“Her favourite kind.”

Again, we’re standing inches apart. His feet are slotted in-between my own, and I’m so close to being as up close as I can be. He’s sprayed fresh aftershave on, and his breath smells like mint.

“Do you like to play games with a lot of different girls?”

His brown eyes sparkled as he shook his head, but not fast enough for me not to notice the galaxies of colour that shaped around his irises. “No. Just one.”

I can feel myself leaning towards him, willing myself to give in and close this small gap.

“Lucas,” I say, my lashes fluttering of their own will, “who are you taking on a date?”

All at once, my back is to the hand railing before I’m suddenly off my feet, my ass perched on top of it, positioning me so my legs wrap around his. He’s hunched forwards, one hand on the railing by my side, the other on the curve of my hip.

I’m gathering my thoughts to this new position when Lucas’ lips are on mine like I’m dreaming. As much as I will myself to wake up, nothing changes, we are still kissing, the heat and passion scaling along with time.

He holds me steady, pushing up in between my legs, making me want to clench my thighs shut at the rush he’s creating. His tongue finds its way in my mouth as he softly opens me up, trying to teach me how to play a new game called ‘Battling for Dominance’.

My toes curl in my shoes as I press him in, closer being not close enough. Lucas Koh is kissing me and it’s the most alive I’ve felt in a long time.

The doors draw open, the heavy pinging noise of the lift bringing us to our senses. Our kiss breaks and in the second it takes him to begin helping me down again, all my pent up feelings melt together making me dizzy.

Lucas offers me his hand. I take it, not saying anything if he’s not going to say anything. Neither one of us lets go of the other, not until we get to the passenger side door of Lucas’ car. My mind’s too much of a pool of sticky candle wax to even think up a playful jarb about his car.

Lucas opens the door for me, making my heart flutter again. As I sit on his leather seat, I have a moment alone within his car to think as he makes his way around to the driver’s side.

Lucas Koh kissed me. I kissed Lucas Koh. Right now, we’re on our way to a restaurant to fake dates. And he kissed me. And I’m really horny about it.

After buckling himself in, Lucas half turns to me and asks, “All set?”

“Are you taking me home?”

“No,” he says, voice hard. “We’ve got dates we better not stand up.”

I raise my brow. “Really?”

“Yeah, at the Beach Hut,” he insists. Already, he is pulling out of his space. Luckily we took long enough that we’re one of the last to leave the car garage, so there’s not as much waiting around. “They’ve got a table of two waiting for me, Honeybuns. It’d be rude of me to not show up after they’ve held it all day.”

My stomach squirms as doubt takes hold of me. Does he really have a date? I’ve always lamented how unfair it is that he’s so good looking. He doesn’t get to be devilishly handsome without being free of sin, though. Is his personality as off putting to others? Is there not a whole bunch of groupies ready to climb him while I’ve been playing dumb games?

We park close by, and Lucas gets out of the car first with an umbrella. He holds the door open for me, the umbrella up already to shield me from the rain. As we walk, his arm is around me, holding me close, so tight into him.

If I were the girl waiting for him and I saw him coming in like this with me, I would be beside myself with anger. There’s no way I would stay … so in the off chance there is some hapless beauty sitting waiting at a table for two under the name Koh, I shuffle in closer to Lucas.

“Hi there, good evening,” the host says as we enter. “Table for two?”

“Yes, I phoned and reserved a table earlier,” Lucas states. “Under the name of Koh.”

“Ah, yes, you wanted the small table in the window, right this way, Sir.”

Lucas takes my hand before I can peel away awkwardly in the off chance there is someone waiting. My heart does a somersault in my chest and I lock my fingers in with his.

The table is more secluded than those around it. Being by the window means it’s in a dark corner, the weather outside making it cosy.

“Can I get you a drink while you both get settled?” The host asks while Lucas busies himself taking off my coat.

Every time he touches me, it makes me realise how starved I was, and how happy I am that I waited for him. His small touches, the brushes of his hands down my arms, holding my waist, the ghost of his kiss on my lips, he feels like a feast after I’d been starving all day. I want to devour all of him.

“Two Violet Mans to begin with, please,” Lucas tells the host, waving away the cocktail menus. As they bid themself away, Lucas turns to me and motions for me to sit. “I told you I had a date with the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. I don’t know what to call this game, but I feel like I’ve won.”

Funny thing is, I was going to say the same thing, too. Checkmate, and all that.

#litg #litg writers room #writers room #litg fanfic #love island the game #prompt #litg season 2 #litg lucas #birthday fic #gift fic

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stonegoldsxcrxt · 2 months

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Hello (there)! Same anon who sent you the super long ask the other day! I meant to send this much earlier (obviously before the new episode is supposed to air—oops), but I got preoccupied with other things. Anywho.....first of all, I wanted to say I am glad I didn’t come across as being rude to you. And I appreciate you responding so politely as well!!

I feel like I dumped most of my thoughts on you already, but I also don’t mind chatting a bit more about this—if you are open to it too, of course!

I’m glad to see we also agree on some points. And about Headland specifically: tbh I really don’t know how to address that 😭 cause while I think she has some interesting takes on the story and how she wants it to be viewed or where she wants it to go—I very much get where you are coming from. Because as I mentioned in my previous ask, I am not a fan of reylo or kylo (and especially those fans) at all. So while I obviously see where people are drawing the parallels from, it was quite conflicting for me to see Leslye Headland talk about it so much herself. Actually, I was cringing anytime her or the interviewer brought up reylo or any similarities to it 💀 Although I am still glad (I know I already mentioned this) that Headland pointed out that Osha wasn’t going to be all “I know there’s still good in you” or whatever to Qimir and not trying to redeem him.

And I completely understand where you’re coming from when you say you hate seeing young women being treated terribly in a story (I’m a girl too so of course I can relate lol). I mean, if I’m being honest I very typically and wholeheartedly dislike the enemies to lovers dynamic. I think everything regarding said trope can be pretty damn annoying and often times it’s not at all well-written. And I usually hate it regardless of the fandom, the characters, or even the characters’ genders (but the m/f ships are almost always the ones that have a very weird and uncomfortable power imbalance).

And, idk....I’m a little on the fence about the fiction affecting reality thing. I mean, tbh a few years ago I might’ve completely, 100% agreed with you. Especially cause, as I said, I very much was (and still am) very anti reylo and kylo. So I know from experience that some people can be very.....strange and delusional (for lack of a better term) when it comes to liking or shipping toxic things in media. But I’ve also been in and interacted with plenty of other fandoms, and have liked other things besides star wars. As you said, there’s nothing wrong with liking fictional villains.....and as I mentioned, I honestly think it’s quite hypocritical for some fans to now suddenly be up in arms over people liking Qimir or the Osha/Qimir dynamic. Especially since for years fans have joked about characters like Anakin or Maul or Thrawn (and more recently Kylo) being in the right or whatever. I mean, really I’ve never thought about it much since usually it seems to be just jokes and sometimes I, too, get a kick out of those jokes. But like I said to me, especially as a Filipina, it does not sit right with me that a lot of people seem to be mad that some fans are simping for the non-white villain???? And I get that some people—imo mostly straight white women—seem to be lenient towards the hot white male villains. And again, one of my biggest issues with reylo and kylo stans was how they treated John Boyega, and just hurled a bunch of (often extremely racist) insults at him. But unfortunately, even now, when I am essentially on the other side of the fandom—I still feel these underlying hints of racism.....which has been a problem in this fandom since its inception tbh.

So when it comes to the whole ‘fiction affecting/influencing reality’ thing.....I have to say I honestly don’t think there is actually a good or “right” answer to that one??? Idk, I think some people genuinely struggle with it and buy into certain delusions, but in my opinion most star wars fans who like the villainous characters or problematic ships aren’t excusing that kind of thing irl and it doesn’t have any actual bearing on their irl morals.

Also, I appreciate what you’ve said. As for this certain person I have seen on twitter who has especially been spewing hate towards Leslye Headland and Manny Jacinto, I honestly didn’t think you agreed with those views despite them ss and pinning your post (it was the post you made recently about the way fandom is with villains in general) lol. And yeah.....again, even despite somewhat being on the other side of the fandom now I have seen a lot of people criticizing Headland especially and questioning her sexuality. Essentially saying “even as a ‘lesbian’ she has backtracked on lesbian representation” or a few people making fun of Manny Jacinto’s looks (and sometimes his acting).

Like I said, I didn’t believe you were being prejudiced or spewing dumb hate—and I hope you don’t think I was trying to accuse you specifically of that. Tbh I should not even be surprised about some of the vile things I’ve seen people saying (regarding Headland, Stenberg, Jacinto, essentially the whole cast and crew since even before the show dropped). As I mentioned, bigotry has unfortunately been a huge staple of this fandom since the beginning of the franchise, but I fear it’s gotten much worse.....🫤🫤🫤

hey!! so sorry it took so long for me to get to this, I had a lot going on in my life and still do so I'm sorry, this response probably isn't going to be as long! it's not because I'm mad at you or anything like that!! I'm a person too, and I haven't published a LOT of the shit in my inbox I've been getting for these posts but trust me, it's happening. I answer you because I can tell you're respectful and open to discussion!! and I appreciate that!!

1: Personally I will always believe that fiction does affect reality but I think it's obviously very nuanced. It's not as straightforward as "you like a villain so you must be a bad person." I don't think that it's as simple as if you like a villain that you're a bad person, or you condone those events. Villains and antagonists are often written to be empathetic towards the audience to create a sense of conflict, but the audience should be able to recognize that. More simply put, I guess I believe that fictional scenarios can affect your perception of real life events.

To give a pretty extreme example, if only to describe what I mean (I am NOT saying what the acolyte has done is a 1:1 comparison, I am using an example as a learning opportunity), we can talk about the book Lolita, which is infamously about an adult male character who is sexually obsessed with a young girl. The author frequently subtly tries to force the audience to empathize with this man. Ultimately, Lolita is about how abusers can still be charming people if you look on the surface, but underneath it all, they are still looking to take advantage of others. Eventually, the reader should understand this, after realizing that empathizing with someone doesn't absolve them of their crimes. However, there are people who don't; there are people who read that novel and actually walk away with the idea that the book is a love story, and that the young girl who was victimized was actually to blame for the story's events.

In real life, there is an actual phenomenon based off this interpretation of the book that has come to be known as the Lolita Effect, or, the idea that young women or girls should shoulder the blame for the abuse they endear. Quite literally, though perhaps unintentionally, the novel Lolita has contributed to the perpetration of victim-blaming young women and girls. So there's one example of fiction affecting reality and stuff like that is why I believe it does (though obviously far more extreme).

while I don't think anything Star Wars has done with the acolyte even approaches this level (obviously), my argument about the acolyte is that it's important to learn to recognize subtleties in the way that people who might stand to gain something from your allegiance to them might act around you. Headland saying "Qimir did not manipulate Osha" completely undermines what her writers have shown us. It undercuts those subtleties and replaces them with the perspective that this is okay behavior, when, instead, I deadass would not have a problem with this element of the acolyte had Headland simply acknowledged the way Qimir treats Osha is purposeful so that he gains her allyship and affection (I think we agree on this element).

Honestly, I think Headland wanted to tell a story of two people who perceive themselves as having been "wronged" by the Jedi or who may even have real legitimate reasons to be mad at the Jedi independently, coming together and becoming a powerful duo. That's fine, I think that's interesting potential, but what she unintentionally created instead was a woman who was good and honest being emotionally manipulated by a man who is cunning and deliberately aggravates her to get what he wants. It sends two different messages, because it's two different stories.

The way that I worry about this affecting real people's perspectives irl is that Headland has stripped her audience of the ability to recognize those subtleties because she insists they are not there, even though they are. This can then, of course, be extrapolated to real life. Of course, maybe someone is smart enough to recognize it irl... or maybe they aren't. Honestly, that ends up being up to someone's personal capabilities, it's just that sometimes being given examples of things in fiction helps you recognize it later.

2: I'm not going to lie to you, I don't particularly care who the fandom finds attractive. I'm not going to police who you do or don't want to get with on the basis of the character's morality. To be truthful, the people saying "I wanna fuck Qimir" do not bother me. The people saying "I wanna fuck Anakin" do not bother me. The people saying "I wanna fuck Thrawn" do not bother me. I think a lot of people think that I'm offended by it because of this post I made, but truthfully, that post is about being unable to recognize that someone is being manipulative because you are too busy being attracted to them so you excuse all of their shitty behavior, hence the phrase "all the audience saw was a hot guy," meaning, they did not also see that he is being evil while simultaneously being hot. There's nuance to this situation. The problem (for me) isn't people saying "I wanna fuck Qimir," the problem (for me) is people saying "I wanna fuck Qimir and for that reason I think he's absolutely right about everything, the Jedi got what was coming to them, etc," which are all takes I've seen. And the acolyte is far from the only media with this problem. Star Wars as a whole is far from the only media with this problem (ie I've never read or watched shadow and bone but there's a lot of people on that post talking about it.)

Honestly, my criticism of the fandom and media is usually not rooted in how people feel towards characters on a personal level unless it's to the point where 1. it's a pattern and 2. it's disrupting the actual interpretation of the show, particularly when it's disrupting a female character's story. Which is why I made the post I linked above, it's a majorrrrrr pattern in all fandom but I correctly predicted that Qimir was quickly all anyone would talk about, and I was right. I saw no less than ten posts about "where's Qimir" after episode seven. Hello?? Isn't this show about Osha? Is it not her story? Or do you just not care about her anymore? It makes me sad and it happens over and over and over; ie, the sequels quickly became the Kylo Ren movies and little else seemed to matter.

I'm very sorry if you have seen a lot of the fandom saying things that are rooted in racism towards Manny Jacinto. That has not been, and will never be my stance. I seriously don't care who they cast in this role as Qimir, my response would have been the same, because my beef is with this style of story being presented the way it has been, not with the looks of the actor. I highly suggest blocking people who are hating on him for those reasons. Actually, I suggest blocking anyone hating on Manny for this at all, because wtf, he's doing a great job and doesn't deserve that.

What's unfortunate for me is that I really liked episodes 1-5 of the acolyte a lot, and 6-8 completely lost me. I'm very used to tuning out (which I recognize is partially privilege given that I am white) the bigoted chatter from people that seems to erupt from certain recesses of the 'fandom' whenever something new from Lucasfilm comes out because it happens every. single. time. and it's exhausting. I'm super sorry that it feels like literally every time something new and exciting comes out, people who are assholes to be assholes come out of the woodwork and start spewing hatred. But I want to be clear how much I am not condoning nor participating in that aspect of it; even if you see people on twitter spreading screenshots of my posts around while they do, trust me, I literally don't even know them and they certainly never reached out to me to ask if they could share my tumblr post there. I'm not on twitter and I do not condone using my posts to spread hatred for the sake of hatred.

I have a lot of problems with the acolyte, even more now after the last few episodes. What I do is talk about narrative decisions and story decisions and character decisions, because those are the things that I think matter and should be up for conversation and debate. Because quite simply, I think how you tell a story, and what story you're telling, matters. It's safe to say I am ultimately disappointed in this show. I don't think it stuck the landing, and there are lots of other problems re: Sol's character too, that I will probably never get into, because I'm really ready to let this show go. Perhaps on a deeper level, for me, this type of story is never going to land if not only the fandom but also the director/showrunner won't acknowledge it for what it is, either....

Anon you are always welcome in my inbox! I can tell you're genuinely open to conversation and I like that!

#sorry if this is rambling I just got off a long flight #tw lolita #is that a thing I should tag??#the acolyte

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beaiola · 2 years

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5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Thanks for tagging me @mammameesh and @blackandwhiteandrose

Rules: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

5 works I’m proudest of:

To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak – This was the most ambitious thing I’ve written to date. A lot of work went into it and there were times when I thought that I’d never get it done so to complete it and get it posted was such a huge deal for me.

I’m surprised (that you’ve never been told before) – The first time I tried to use text messages in a fic. It took a lot of trial and error to work it out but I’m pleased with how it turned out. Plus, I love 10 Things I hate about you so it was such a joy to be able to write something based on that!

Patrick Brewer is Everywhere – Not the first enemies to lovers I’ve written but it’s a trope I love and I had so much fun writing the progression of their relationship. Also the scene with Patrick at the dentist is one of my favourites I’ve ever written.

Cabin Fever – I loved this prompt for Frozen Over as soon as I saw it and was really pleased with how it turned out, particularly the banter and pining.

Paddle – It was a lot of fun exploring David learning a new skill and writing Patrick as the competent, teasing instructor.

Four current WIPS I’m excited about:

The one I’m currently posting (Second Chances.) I’m still editing as I go so I guess it still counts as a WIP. It’s a one sided enemies to lovers based on a film I watched when I was younger that has some good memories attached to it for me.

A Jane Austen inspired AU that stalled at some point last summer but which I’m hoping to get back to.

VERY early in the works (as in, maybe 3 sentences written?) is a follow up to To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak, in which David and Patrick visit Schitt’s Creek for the weekend.

An exploration of Patrick’s view of his and David’s relationship as it develops

Three improvements in my writing:

I’m becoming better at recognising words I overuse – ‘just’ and ‘still’ being two of them, and am working on reducing them or changing them where necessary.

I think I’m becoming braver formatting-wise, branching out into using texts and note formats.

I think I’m getting better at showing, not telling

Two writing resolutions:

Be more impartial in editing – I might personally like a certain part but sometimes it doesn’t work in that scene or for that character.

Rather than agonising over one particular scene, learn to let it go for now, move on and come back to it.

One favorite line:

It was difficult to think back over what I wrote last year and pick out one favourite. One that stands out (because I loved the visual of it and it made me laugh) is:

“Like a sea captain.” Patrick makes a low grumbling sound that David thinks is supposed to be a ship’s horn. “Can do marry… marrying. Of me and David. Can you?” (From Patrick Brewer is Everywhere.)

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byoldervine · 1 year

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Enemies To Lovers - My Insight And Preferences With The Trope

So I’ve been working more on the Byoldervine series and there’s an enemies-to-lovers-esque romance in this. As an aroace I’ve been doing a lot of research to ensure I’m getting all the romance stuff right, and this has lead me to study up a bit on this trope. I know this one is shaky ground, you have to make them hate each other enough to warrant them being enemies, but if they do anything too bad then the ship comes off as toxic, so it’s inherently a tough line to walk

I’ve just been watching a video on YouTube dissecting the trope and it’s sub-tropes and getting to the bottom of why it’s all so appealing or unappealing to people, and this raised an interesting point; the biggest divider between loving and hating the trope seems to be how much you can separate fantasy from reality, and what the reader is willing to excuse with ‘it’s not real, it doesn’t have to adhere to realistic dating standards’ in order to keep their disbelief suspended. And it’s got me thinking about where I fall into this

Personally, my experiences with enemies-to-lovers majorly stems from my werewolf obsession as a young teen. I read all the shitty Wattpad stories that all had a tendency to follow the same two patterns; either our female protagonist is horrifically abused her whole life only to escape and learn her mate is the alpha/alpha’s son of another pack, or our female protagonist was bullied her whole life and the alpha/alpha’s son instantly rejects her after discovering they’re mates, only to regret it as they spend more time together. The trope, of course, usually occurs in the latter

I remember this one story like that that really drew me out of the scene because the guy was really toxic, and the story actually acknowledged it; the same day the guy had instantly rejected the girl, on sight and in public around all their peers, he spotted her at the bar and repeatedly stole all her alcoholic drinks (she was old enough to drink) until she eventually gave up and ordered something non-alcoholic like he wanted her to. Only then did he allow her to have the drink she ordered. Guess who paid for all those drinks she didn’t get? The girl. And she snaps at him, telling him that he can’t have it both ways, that he can’t just reject her from his life and then insert himself into it regardless

His response? Something along the lines of ‘I can do what I want’

Aaaaand then we have him forcing her into his car - he doesn’t have any malicious intent, he just drives her home because it’s late, but a lack of intention to do anything worse doesn’t excuse the fact that she was minding her own business and now he’s dictating what she can and can’t drink, how long she’s allowed to stay out for, who she goes home with (she was with her friends celebrating her birthday but I guess fuck them and her plans right?), when and how she leaves, where she goes afterwards, etc. Not to mention this guy just downed like six beers trying to stop the girl from drinking, yet now he’s driving?

This is where I personally draw the line with suspension of realism; if I’m legitimately concerned about one character’s safety when they’re with their enemy, to the point where it’s setting off alarm bells in my brain consistently enough to break my immersion, you better hope there’s a shockingly good redemption coming up which somehow does manage to satisfactorily amend this issue. And there pretty much never is because that’s unrealistic to expect

And I get it, they’re enemies; being assholes and wanting to kill each other is what it’s all about and it wouldn’t be ‘enemies’ if they weren’t crossing lines. But the thing is, in my brain there’s a difference between reckless/toxic behaviours and dangerous/abusive behaviours, and I feel like the level of control exerted in my previous example, as well as forcing her away from her own birthday party into your car so you can drive her off while you’ve just taken spontaneous consecutive shots of whole ass pints, is crossing a line you don’t want to cross if you’re gonna be in a romance by the end of the book

Or if you are going to cross that line, at least let the girl do the same; if both characters are as fucked up as each other, it’s more of a ‘pick on someone your own size’ kind of deal rather than feeling tlike an abuser/victim romance. If it’s just one character repeatedly doing nasty, spiteful shit to a character who just wants to avoid them, eventually loses their patience and snaps at the perpetrator which causes them to finally see the error of their ways, it doesn’t feel like they’re enemies, it feels like one person targeting a chosen victim because they don’t fight back. You need them playing on the same field, because if they’re on the same wavelength it no longer feels like an abuser/victim pairing - you can’t define one as worse than the other. It’s enemy and enemy, with both fighting for the upper hand over the other. It’s not a constant pursuit to hurt someone who just wants to run and hide and has done nothing to warrant that behaviour. At the end of the day, some level of equal participation is key here

But then you also have the opposite end of the spectrum, in which it’s not really enemies at all because they do nothing that bad to each other to warrant enemy status. It’s just… a general dislike handled in the mature way of ‘we don’t really talk, maybe we glare at each other but that’s about it’. It’s natural that you won’t get along with everyone, and sometimes the both of you just can’t click to the point of not being able to stand each other’s company. But avoidance doesn’t make you enemies. Being civil about it doesn’t make you enemies. You might as well be strangers that got off on the wrong foot

I think at the heart of any good salvageable enemy relationship are two things; misunderstandings through differing contexts, and pettiness. The pettiness is obvious; if they’re both handling being enemies maturely and civilly, they’re not really enemies, except on specific occasions where the enemy ship is based more on principle than personal matters (opposing factions being the most obvious means of external conflict driving them to become enemies without their own actions mattering). The way to being enemies has to involve enough pettiness on both sides to continue this rivalry to the point of crossing the line from ‘I can be civil with this guy even if I can’t stand them’ to ‘if you put me in a room with this guy I’m not responsible if they end up with a knife to their throat’. Not to mention that establishing a little pettiness early on can pave the way for a quality they may find endearing in their partner as they start to fall for them, since pettiness can easily be used for banter and other smaller, inconsequential things that may be funny or cute

And as for misunderstandings through differing context, you get an opportunity here to delve into the mindsets of your characters, to explain what brought them to not see eye to eye. Say Character A wanted to do X thing because it would bring them closer to a lost relative who used to be a pro at it, meanwhile Character B has done X thing before and gained some trauma from it. The characters have differing perspectives on the same thing, one being optimistic and eager-eyed while the other is skeptical and disillusioned, but also afraid. Character B might strongly discourage Character A from trying it out, to which Character A may get defensive because how dare this stranger try and stop them from something so important and meaningful to them? And now the defensive reaction is causing Character B to also react defensively out of their trauma, because why is this stranger being so hostile and acting like their experiences don’t matter when all they tried to do was help them? And then the two are forced to interact more and the topic of X keeps coming up, maybe Character A is being all childish and petty about it and getting reckless showing off how they can totally do X, only for Character B to start taking more drastic measures to make them stop, like taking their equipment, and now Character A is furious because that was the equipment their lost relative used, so now this is personal. And of course Character A will lash out emotionally, which prompts revenge from Character B, and-

You see how much more natural that is, without either character being designated as the one at fault? By acting off of the context they have, which presents them with opposing views, we can have good intentions be perceived as challenges or slights and taken more personally than intended, without the other ever understanding why this person has reacted so badly and taking it to mean this is just a person looking for a fight. And when things escalate, grudges can turn to hatred, which can turn to enemies

Not to mention this also gives us trauma responses to overcome and established character flaws to work on. And as the characters work on these flaws and trauma responses that caused the hatred in the first place, there’s suddenly going to be less conflict, so the lovers part can begin slotting in more naturally as the characters evolve from their worst to their best selves

And that leads me to my final note; time. These things take time, and they go in stages. Enemies-to-lovers is a slowburn trope, which requires attention to all the little details and awkward stages in-between. You don’t go from hating each other to loving each other, you go from ‘hating each other’ to ‘begrudgingly tolerating each others’ presence’ to ‘not being phased by their presence’ to ‘being relaxed in their company’ to ‘being able to be civil and polite without insincerity’ to ‘actually being able to get along without it feeling forced or awkward’ to ‘casual maybe-friends’ to ‘definitely friends’ to ‘fuck maybe more than friends?’ to ‘no no way am I crushing on THEM of all people’ to ‘oh fuck I’m crushing on THEM of all people?!’ to ‘fuck it yep this one’s mine’ - bonus points if there are setbacks and regressions and an ungodly amount of denial along the way

Point is, this trope is messy, this trope is confusing and this trope is very very specific; you need to show every moment of change as you go. People are here to enjoy the clusterfuck of emotions that the characters go through as they start to fall for their enemy. It’s a huge switch for them, why are we not delving into it? Quit going from ‘they hate each other and one actively antagonises the other’ to ‘but by the end of the night they made out because they’re just so unexplainably attracted to one another’

I’ll tell you about another story I once read that scared the shit out of me with how the enemies-to-lovers trope was just abuser/victim; the girl had been bullied and harrassed by this boy at her school, including destruction of property, physical violence, setting her things on fire, humiliating her in front of the school, etc. She also lived right next door to him, and from as early as day one he was an absolute asshole to her. The reason? He saw her struggling to lift a heavy box out of a moving van and thought she looked weak. So he said it. And when she didn’t respond favourably to that, he decided that was enough of a reason to warrant constant bullying for years

When the boy leaves over the summer break, she’s able to have her blinds open at home because now he won’t be staring into her bedroom window. Unfortunately he comes home a day earlier than she anticipated and he takes pictures of her changing to use as blackmail against her. For the majority of the book she’s blamed by herself, him and a couple other characters for leaving her blinds open. He uses his blackmail to have her do horrible things, he sets up hate accounts for her on social media and encourages people at school to start sending horrible shit like death threats to her actual accounts and to these fake accounts to the point where she just deletes social media altogether, he even tries to murder her at one point. Most of this stuff he never so much as apologises for, and the stuff he does apologise for, he still blames her for ‘causing’ it

We eventually, at the end of the story, find out that he’s got some kind of mental illness that causes these behaviours, and the girl is torn between ‘I’m the only one who can fix him I have to stay’ and ‘his many doctors are telling me it’s not safe to be around him’. His mother encourages her to stay to be ‘the one constant good thing in his life’ and the guy is begging and then demanding that she stay, but thank god she manages to eventually break things off with him despite loving him for some reason. I deadass can’t remember a single redeeming quality this guy had. He even tried to hurt her again as she left him, all the while claiming he’d never hurt her and that he’d changed and was different now. And by the end she was still wondering if she’d made the right choice or not, with the guy’s mum saying she hadn’t. Like… what?!

That’s not enemies to lovers. That’s abuser/victim the whole way through, just with a surprise reveal that ‘mental illness made him bad so he’s not really abusive, even though he never so much as apologised’. Mental illness is not an excuse. Mental illness should not be the end all, be all of an enemies-to-lovers story. Besides, it’s not like he didn’t have the capacity to apologise, but he didn’t do it regardless! Not even going through the motions without following through! Just ‘nah it’s your fault for existing wrong in my presence’

You can’t expect me to take it seriously if the only redeeming factor for attempted murder is ‘mental illness made him do it’. You can’t expect me to still find this ship even remotely an option. Redemption after attempted murder is a challenge enough as it is, especially since for a lot of people that can easily be considered a point of no return. But the guy doesn’t even pretend to be sorry! And later on in the same day she’s hugging and comforting him over the realisation that he has a mental illness since she feels she misjudged him! And suddenly they’re not enemies, they’ve jumped right to lovers! That’s the most frustrating part; THAT was the catalyst for the switch in mindsets, and it was INSTANT! INSTANT!!

Where’s the legitimate angst?! The payoff?! The satisfaction?! If they go from literal attempted murder to ‘my poor baby it’s okay I’ll always love you’ in the same day, what the hell was the point?! You’ve written two different relationships here, not an evolution over time with work put in by both parties! This isn’t even love! This is a horror story!

Anyway, TL;DR on what I’ve learned so far about the enemies-to-lovers trope and my personal takes on it; you need to hit the sweet spot between ‘will commit irredeemable dealbreaker atrocities’ and ‘I don’t have anything nice to say so I’ll say nothing at all’; you need reciprocation so the enemy factor doesn’t feel one-sided and thus more abuser/victim; you need a little bit of pettiness to ensure the rivalry survives long enough to die in the desired way; differing context on the same situation can be a great way of birthing conflict and enemy-hood without making one individual out to be the aggressor over the other and allowing both sides to act on character flaws that they overcome as the rivalry fades; the story needs to be a slowburn with each stage of the relationship’s evolution experienced in full; and the redemption efforts must be appropriate and satisfactory so the characters aren’t rewarded for problematic behaviour and get the opportunity to grow for and with one another

#writing #bookblr #writers #writeblr #my writing #not Byoldervine series #trope #enemies to lovers #enemies to lovers trope #trope talk #trope dissection #romance #aroace

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1800titz · 1 year

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I’m so excited for paragon omg I love the enemies to lovers trope and although I’ve never read a superhero fic I can’t wait to try it out! Btw random question but have you ever thought about becoming an author or do you just write as a side hobby? Your work is just so good

I’m happy to hear you’re excited, because I’ve been so fixated on the little ideas for Paragon this week! (and frankly they’ve little bit of positivity that’s been keeping me going LOL). I have loved writing since I learned how to write, whenever we would answer those kindergarten questionnaires on “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I’d always write author haha! I remember I’d spend so much time writing little stories after school. As an adult, I get that it’s not just a career you can go to school for and get into the way that you would with any other field, but I’d love to write on the side and eventually publish something. It’s actually the biggest thing on my bucket list — I think if I were to publish something before I died (even if nobody read it) I’d be happy with what I’ve accomplished lol! I actually have had this other mystery/thriller plot with OCs going in my notes since like high school, but I haven’t expanded on it. Of course, there’s been quite a few fanfics published as well, all you have to do is change the names. You never know, I guess! Thank you so much for the sweet ask (＾◡＾)

#kind ask

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onlyjaeyun · 5 months

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daddy’s home part 2 🗣️ greetings my dear zadie :D popping back after cold hearts ended and no amount of words could possibly articulate the emotions and feelings that i’m feeling right now.

first of all i’d like to start off with the story itself, ever since the letter got revealed i feel like that was the chapter that really engraved this story into my heart. in the written chapter where you were able to write every emotion and scene really made me panic and feel like i was in the room with them as well. your written chapters never disappoint and there are absolutely no words that could describe the way they make me feel. (fyi. i took more than 7 breaks and each of them lasted 10-25 mins while reading the written chap.)

now after that seeing the way hoon & yn forgave each other and began to get closer again and actually not hide their feelings anymore and act on them instead made me feel like a proud parent :,) honestly out of all the previous smaus or stories that i’ve ever read this one captured the enemies to lovers trope so perfectly and i will think about this one for the rest of my life 😁🙏🏼.

now onto the final part of the story, i found it so so beautiful how you have a thing for happy endings because they always are the cherry on top for the story for me, the fact that they had such a beautiful wedding with heeseung as the best man (sorry riki & yunie) and tsuki as the maid of honour was such a sentimental and wonderful touch i adored it so much. and getting to know that they had a daughter which will be raised by everyone in the story is so :0 like i can’t even imagine how entertaining and funny the moments with the younger triples and the older triplets are 😭 anywho before this gets too long i would just like to say that i absolutely loved the way you ended this beautiful story. cold hearts was the actual definition of an emotional rollercoaster, i don’t think i read a chapter that didn’t have me gasping in shock like ever and i think that speaks volumes about you and your work.

anywho, this was one of thee most stunning stories ever. one that captured so many human-like emotions and genuinely didn’t feel like a fan fiction anymore, it was so clear and obvious that you poured a whole entire precious part of yourself for this story and dedicated so so so much to create this masterpiece and words cannot describe how proud i am of you as someone who’s been with you since hype boy ☹️ your talent of having the perfect balance between describing and capturing emotions in the prettiest words in your written chapters and then having thee best humour and hilarious jokes in your texting & smau chapters is so impressive and admirable you genuinely are one of thee best writers on enhablr.

now with that whole part being said, i really hope that anon comes back to their senses and realise that you don’t owe anyone anything. cold hearts is another perfect smau that you’ve written and completed with one of the most emotional storylines and if they’re not happy with that they can just scroll away. anywho, im very proud of you zadie :) you did amazing and put in so much effort and dedicated all parts of yourself and more to this smau and anyone who can’t tell that is completely blind. the all nighters that you’ve pulled the amount of mental and physical and emotional hard work that you went through to push out such a heartfelt smau is so insane. you deserve all the love and praise the world has to offer and more my dearest <3

anywho this got way too long but i love you a lot zadie :D sorry for disappearing constantly and always remember that we love and care for you so so much <3 good job on doing such an incredible job on finishing cold hearts :D sending u thee biggest smooch and the warmest hug <3 (i will be back soon !!)

- ⁉️ <33

oh my GOD GUYS LOOK WHO'S BACK ITS MY BABYYYY😭😭😭😭😭 hi there my sweet love 🥺 i hope life's been treating you well snd that you've been taking care of yourself, pls accept all my kisses ☹️☹️🤍

i've been super emo lately so this ask made me tear up and maybe even shed one i cant lie 🤕🤕 thank you SO much baby. for literally everything. your constant feedback, your reactions and reassurance, your kind words and just how much you care about me. i hold everything you send my way so close to my heart and will forever chrish it. thank you so much 🥺

i love and appreciate you with my whole heart and cant wait to chat more regularly again, please take care of yourself my sweet angel!!!🤍

#; mailbox 📬#; cold hearts

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stayxlix · 1 year

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helloooo!!🩵 how are you?? I've taken some rest (and yes, I did reread otde...) but I wanted to thank you for even reacting to the playlist! I'm so glad I got to share it with you and introduce you to some new artists! I still listen to yours and I agree with you saying that both yours and mine give off the same vibe! They definitely do and i honestly love that sm! 💗 since I reread the story I got a ton of motivation ( and an amazing mood, god i love this story so much omfg) so be prepared for the moodboard AND the playlist bc my mind's just full of ideas rn also, thank you so much for giving me such nice replies, it feels like you really read all of my rants and it just makes me so happy ajwhehhehe i always get so so so excited and overall happy when you reply😭🩵buuut I got share something with you🤭

So I've been thinking what types of love/ tropes could fit with Felix and aside from best friends 2 lovers and enemies 2 lovers, I think the type of love where both love each other so much that it slowly eats away at them is so fitting! Like the type where they are always together, doing everything together to the point where they don't even know anything beyond each other — they know it's slowly ruining them but they don't care as long as they are together, and they always put each other before anyone else which kind of ends up with the losing a few friends/aqquantiences but they still just really don't care because, you know, the still have each other. the kind where they love each other with their own bones, know everything about the other by heart. Lets say, the type of love where it slowly ruins them, without them even knowing. I feel like this fits Felix so much,bc he's so nice and sweet that before you could even begin to notice that what you two have may be a bit unhealthy, you'd just simply be to deep and wouldn't be able to imagine a life without him. like soulmates / twin flames but a bit twisted 🤔 why I'm saying this is, because i think that mc and felix in otde are so tied together that in some future, this could potentially fit them (not neccessarily perfectly but it's there, you know what I mean?) , since they're going through the hardest times together, but also bc I feel like you might like this trope! Unfortunately, I haven't seen anyone write for Felix (which makes me a bit mad so I might as well do it myself)

But that's all for today's rant! Hopefully it wasn't too long🫠 as always stay safe and take care, love you sm! 🩵💗

welcome back my🩵🩵 i’ve been wondering how the rest of your week has been!! i’m glad you got to rest (and do a little reading🤭) i’ve been pretty good, but im so ready for the weekend lol.🫠

omg no need to thank me for reacting to the playlist, to be honest i’ve already come back to it multiple times since you sent it my way💕 it makes me so happy to hear that you feel motivated just from re-reading the story because i feel the same about your playlist, having all of these new songs to write to has certainly helped me get a good start on chapter 5.🤭 and i hope you know how excited it makes me to hear that you're planning to make the moodboard too?!?! if it comes from you then i already know it’ll be a masterpiece, and now i have even more motivation to look forward in the future!! you’re spoiling me🩵🥹 i love your “rants” (every single word!!) please never stop sending them, they are so special to me and put the biggest smile on my face no matter what time of day it is or wherever i am when i read them :) i dont think ill ever be able to express how much i appreciate them but ill continue to do my best to try💕

oohh something to share you say….🤭

“I think the type of love where both love each other so much that it slowly eats away at them is so fitting!”

AND I THINK YOU’RE ONTO SOMETHING HERE. i completely, totally, one HUNDRED percent agree with you. this is SO Felix i can’t even put into words how much i enjoyed reading this because YES. just yes. like the type of love where its totally harmless at first, right? there’s this unexplainable connection between them that neither of them can ignore...even from the first time they see each other. and then they start spending more and more time together because they just can’t help it. and soon they're all each other can think about, and they’re not even trying to do things like push others away but they continue to let it happen, because they’re just so intoxicated with each other you know???? (omg i could go on forever) and i think felix is the perfect person for this trope because like you said, he’s so sweet and i can see him getting completely wrapped up in his partner because of how much he seems to genuinely care for those around him (and i mean vice versa, who wouldn’t get tunnel vision for felix????) the idea of soul mates and twin flames is great and all, don’t get me wrong, but take something that’s supposed to be innocent and make it a little twisted?? that is RIGHT up my alley. and i think it perfectly suits our main duo in otde because they're already feeling that pull toward each other and it's only natural that their bond will grow even stronger because of what they're currently going through/will go through together in the future....🫢

so in conclusion..you are a a genius🩵🩵my mind is already buzzing with inspiration from reading this🤭 and it makes me want to pick your brain even further to find out what other brilliant ideas you have hiding in there lol. okay okay im cutting myself off here (i am so very sorry for how embarrassingly long this😂) thank you so much once again for the inspiration💕🤗 i hope you have a wonderful weekend, it always makes my day to see the little blue hearts in my inbox, ily so very much🩵🩵

#otde.feedback #alex answers asks♡#🩵

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vacantgodling · 2 years

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2, 6, and 7 for the fantastic WIP ask game, please!

thank you so much! ig i’m in a paramour mood so,

2.What do you plan to do with this WIP when you finish it? If you HAVE finished, how long did it take?

to be honest i’m not sure. and this just isn’t for paramour it’s kinda for all my wips generally. for most of my life i’ve wanted to publish and live off of my works and, while i do, i also have always been terrified of putting my heart and soul out there like that. for people to see and judge and modify for their own wants and all that. so… i’m not sure what i’m gonna do when i finish anything, assuming i actually do finish anything.

6. Describe a trope present in your WIP.

annoyances to lovers is kind of one of the biggest tropes in this wip. and like, yeah it Could be considered enemies to lovers but the thing about amon and hya is they’re never really enemies at any point. they just annoy each other lmao. hya thinks amon is nice to look at until he opens his mouth to speak and amon was fully intent on just using hya to get close to the keeper until oh no he caught feelings. even when hya finds out amon was using him it doesn’t even make them enemies cuz at that point both of them already care too much. and i love the bicker and banter and old married couple vibes the two of them exhibit from just day one alone lol.

7. You’ve published or shared your WIP and it develops rabid fandom. What’s the fandom known for?

ummm. it’s hard to think of something for paramour and maybe that’s because i’m too optimistic about the type of people who would pick paramour up to read lmao

#s: paramour

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sitp-recs · 2 years

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Hidden Gems by @fw00shy

I’ll never stop screaming about the masterpiece that is Phoenix in the Fire - not on this list but one of my top five favourite short fics ever - but when it comes to Fwoosh, suddenly I can’t find the words to covey the way her writing cuts me raw and deep. She’s hands down one of the most talented, daring and resourceful writers I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been around for a very long time. A master of short form, her unique and bold style steal my attention right away, her sharp dialogue and unbeatable world building make me sit straighter and forget whatever’s going on around me, her impeccable prose with perfectly chosen and well-placed words takes my breath away, her tender angst makes my heart break for pining Harry, her deliciously explicit, self-indulgent smut make me sweat like a whore in the church 🥵

As if that wasn’t enough, fwooshy’s range is really impressive and she always manages to deliver a long-lasting blow with any genre, any rating and any length, but especially under 3k. Her creative mind, vibrant characters and powerful writing deserve way more recognition and that’s why everyone should go check her catalogue right now. I’ll help you out and share a short selection of goodies below - I could have chosen any 10 fics at random but I wanted to include a little bit of everything, even tropes that aren’t really my jam (hello MCD!)…. unless they’re written by her, lol 🤡 this is actually my second reclist for Fwooshy so I tried to diversify a bit, you can find the previous one here. Happy Monday with these delicious short treats!

Drarry:

Silence on the Seventh Floor (T, 970 words) - such a creative and heartbreaking drabble, love this pain-in-the-ass ghost!Draco and smitten Harry, my heart ached so much for them. Cw MCD

Draco haunted the seventh-floor corridor of Hogwarts. A Third Year found him up there one night, knocking the frames together as though trying to shake something out of them. She reported it straight to Headmaster Potter, who passed her a Cockroach Cluster and sent her off to bed with a promise to handle it.

Basement Level 9 (M, 2k) - poignant and disturbing short story with dark!Draco and a resigned Harry who loves him, plus excellent dialogue and a brilliant Ron puzzling the pieces together, ugh so good 😔🤌🏼

Draco was behind the bomb that blew up Level 10, though they didn't talk about it.

You Either Fuck or You Get Fucked (E, 2k) - the ultimate enemies to lovers PWP with scorching hate sex, crude dirty talk and top notch banter, sharp and witty! I’m obsessed with this confident Harry and their sexy push and pull, thought I’d combust on site 🔥

"That's not how fucking works. Fucking's…" Draco waved a hand in the air. "You either fuck or you get fucked." "Sure," Harry said. He took out a Sickle. "Toss for it?" Read my rec here.

10:47 am (T, 2.3k) - this series of short yet immersive slice-of-life vignettes are wonderfully original with vibrant multiple POV and such distinct character voices. One of the fics that best showcase Fwoosh’s genius writing

Scenes of lives lived out in front of an open balcony window.

Big Hands (E, 4.5k) - Victorian AU with pianist rivals, yes please!!!! Incredible world building, delightful and on point humour, unbelievable ust, that basic hand kink we all deserve AND a piano sex scene as a treat, this is rich and sexy and the atmosphere is irresistible

Draco Malfoy is a pianist who's just moved to Paris. Harry Potter, his new roommate, has the biggest hands he's ever seen. Draco is immediately obsessed. Read my rec here.

in a rambling way (T, 7.5k) - probably the softest Fwoosh fic I’ve read so far, a gorgeous and wistful break up make up with lots of pining Harry, camping shenanigans and peak road trip romance. A must read!

Ron knocked Hermione up, and now Harry's got to figure out how to clone himself so that his friends don't split up fighting over him. Falling for Draco again was never part of the plan.

Rare pairs:

In the Mood (E, 367 words) - the hottest 367 words you’ll read today, delicious established Dron feat. rough sex and feral possessive Ron hoho me gusta!

“I saw you with Harry today," Ron says. "In the Ministry cafeteria."

Money (M, 1k) - my favorite Ginsy treat out there, hot af and with an impressive amount of character and story for a short fic. Superb Pansy + superb Ginny POV, I want them both to ruin me (and then each other) pls and thank

Pansy looks like money. Ginny's letting her call the shots.

Laundry Day (E, 1.8k) - I’ve been in a Ginny/Hermione phase lately and this neighbours AU PWP is s total banger! Laundry room snogging, confident buff Gin and shy horny Hermione, excellent dynamics and really hot smut

Hermione was afraid of Ginny, because Ginny made her wet.

They Bought A Sports Bar (T, 2.2k) - another compelling femslash because yes, Fwoosh can write pretty much any ship. A fascinating take on Cho and amazing dialogue, love her subtle dynamics with this patient Ginny, and the idea of a sports bar is brilliant!

Ginny buys a sports bar (run-down biker pub, really) and ropes Cho into helping out. They're just business partners, so why does everyone else think they're more?

#hidden gems s2

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maiverie · 3 years

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doublespeak — ft. park jongseong | 03

keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

synopsis: there’s nobody you detest more than park jongseong—he’s obnoxious, he’s rude, and he always manages to top you in every single class. while you pride yourself as one of the smartest students in your school, there’s something you can’t quite figure out the formula for—the explosive chemistry between you and your (hot) enemy.

characters: park jongseong x fem!reader

genres: romance, fluff, comedy, high school

au(s): academic rivals, “i wanna punch him except he’s really fucking hot fml” au, jay being an annoying, cocky asshole

contents: frenemies to lovers, constant bickering & banter, childish arguments, studying fluff, suggestive themes, smartass jay w brains

warnings: swearing, lowercase intended

a/n: my first jay fic! <3 my fav trope is enemies to lovers so i’ve been dying to write something like this !!! i legit had so much fun writing all the banter and felt the “frenemies” vibe was cute! anyway i really hope u guys enjoy it!! :>

TAGLIST

DOUBLESPEAK (open!): @minkyeos @fqiryyang @hoonstrology @jayk2025 @jungkookieyoongs @eclecticeggknightpsychic @rae-blogging @seongies @mosviqu @min-chiii @080129 @3nh4luvr @ninahsj @rikiflowers @viisator @renee1414 @fluffyywoo @keimoa

PERM (open!): @jaeyummies @enhyflirt @kyleeanne @icedcoffeesunwoo @ssolari @skazoo @jjunis @heejake-en @koroktsuya @tinykoi-s @en-boyz @ilandsghost @soobin-chois @blessed-sky @jhyunieee @kisswon @vbxrin @cosmicsunghoon @bloomedberry @jeongwins @jungwonielove @miiiwaa @jungwoniee @lhsng @missharubear @deonuism @sarahxy537 @bambisgirl @en-boyz @hrrhmay-primaryblog @yeonzzun @msxflower @sunsunu @acciomylove @sweetjaemss @seungstarss

chapter three

word count: 2.8k | navigation: previous / next / masterlist

a/n: i’m so sorry this update came literally so late — i recommend reading the older chapters if u don’t remember the story as this one may be a tad confusing ! masterlist

“why would i care? do whatever you want.”

“wait up!”

jongseong’s quick.

“hey!” you yell after him, shadowing his blistering steps by pushing your way through heeseung’s hefty front door. you’re chasing jongseong down the front steps, leaving behind the party while distant pop tunes linger in the air.

“dude, slow down!”

like this is a game of simon says, the annoying fucker speeds up.

you’re not the most athletic (actually, you’re not athletic at all) but you charge toward him. your sprint allows you to close just enough distance that you throw a hand on his shoulder and yank him backward.

you both halt now, finding yourselves just at the bottom of heeseung’s driveway.

“i said hold up!” you pant, hissing as you fold your body forward and try to catch your breath. you should feel embarrassed by how desperately you’re gasping for air, but it’s park jongseong — it’s quite literally unimaginable to feel self-conscious in front of a boy whose birth certificate is his parents’ biggest regret. better yet, could be used to wipe ass.

“my bad. i didn’t hear you.” jongseong says monotonously. you stare at him, baffled, albeit offended by his sudden attitude. sure, he always has an attitude with you, but this feels… different. you feel targeted. it doesn’t feel like he’s trying to annoy you — it feels like he’s annoyed by you.

“dude, what’s with you? are you mad at me or something?” you ask, frowning. honestly, you don’t really know why you care — you’d been having a great night at heeseung’s party before jongseong came in and spoiled the fun. if anything, he’s supposed to be the one apologising to you.

yet somehow, you feel like you’ve done something wrong.

“if you’re ever in doubt,” jongseong narrows his eyes, “just remember that i’m never not mad at you.”

you scoff. his response has instantly washed away any previous guilt you may have had. “why? because my existence is a constant reminder that you suck? that you suck so fucking bad?”

“say that to my academic portfolio.” he smirks, causing you to fume. “weren’t you the one that tanked the last math final?”

“i did not tank it!” you snap, grabbing his collar while you resist the urge to spit in his face. “you just got lucky, you gorilla ass little b—”

“teach!”

you freeze.

and then you snap your head over your shoulder.

it’s sunwoo.

at the sight of one of your students, you instantly release jongseong’s collar from your fist. it takes some effort not to complete your insult at jongseong (gorilla ass little buttfucker), though at least you step back and create space between you two. you slap on a smile and wave at the younger boy, who jogs down the front steps to approach you.

“riki’s vomiting!”

shit.

huffing, you quickly glare at jongseong before rushing over toward your student. “where is he?” you ask him, squeezing both his shoulders.

“u-uh…” sunwoo looks at jongseong once before returning your gaze. “in… in the bathroom upstairs.”

“did he drink?”

sunwoo shakes his head furiously. “of course not! i think he has food poisoning.”

thank god.

“okay.” you sigh with relief. “we’ll take him home.”

“we…?”

understanding sunwoo’s confusion, you point behind yourself. “this loser is driving us.”

“i have a name!”

“not one worth remembering!”

“it’s a left turn.”

“no it’s not.”

“yes it is, i’m literally looking at google maps right now.”

“well look harder, ‘cause it’s definitely a right turn.”

“are you dumb?” you fume, shoving the phone toward his face. “it says turn left!”

jongseong slaps your hand away. you scoff with disbelief, while the vehicle begins to slow as he turns the wheel right. of course he’s not listening to you — he hasn’t been listening to you for the past half-hour. you’re both definitely lost, though it’s not your fault. it’s because the buttfucker refuses to abide your instructions and adamantly insists that he knows the roads better than your GPS app.

“you know what?” you throw your hands up with defeat. “i give up! you’re so fucking annoying, you know that? you’re just wasting petrol at this point, you pea-brained mouth breather!”

“pea-brained mouth breather?” jongseong barks out a dry laugh. “the 1900s called — they want their dumb, outdated insults back.”

your lips stretch into a satanic smile. “trust me, if you weren’t driving right now, i’d do a hell of a lot more than insult you.” it’s the truth. you’d absolutely be kicking his ass — if he weren’t in control of your life right now, you’d transform into dwayne the rock johnson and absolutely body slam his ass into the concrete.

jongseong manages to spare a glance at you before peeling his eyes back onto the road. “oh, yeah? what? you going to hit me with those tiny baby fists of yours?”

breathe in, breathe out.

you need to calm down before you do something irrational — the only reason you haven’t jumped out of the vehicle yet is because your two students are sitting in the back.

breathe in, breathe out.

“somebody needs to revoke your licence.”

“somebody needs to revoke your existence.”

“help me!” you screech, struggling as riki’s weight on your back almost makes you trip over your own feet. why the fuck are you the one piggy backing him? the useless, unhelpful, waste of air jongseong merely stands beside you, leisurely fiddling with the house keys in his hands.

oh fuck. oh fuck. oh fuck.

riki’s going to slide off your back!

quick! you grunt, jumping to adjust riki’s body further up your back. thankfully, you’re able to slide him closer so that his arms dangle over your shoulders.

oh god, he’s heavy.

you bend your knees, though your joints feel like they’re seconds from swelling and bursting. in fact, you wouldn’t be too surprised if the cartilage affixing your muscles together might all snap at once.

“hm… which key did he say it was?” jongseong mumbles, taking his sweet, sweet time as he slowly slides through riki’s keys one by one like you aren’t about to get flattened and smushed to your death.

is he trying to get you killed?

“hurry up, you fucking dumbass!” you grit your teeth, feeling your knees wobble.

you’re positive that the vertebrae of your spine are all going to simultaneously crack and cave.

he needs to hurry up.

“slow and steady wins the race.” jongseong has the audacity to say, so you lean over toward him and bite his forearm as hard as you can.

“argh! what the fuck?” jongseong cries. “did you just bite like some sort of rabid animal—”

“i said hurry the fuck up!” you scream at him.

oh.

dear.

lord.

fucking finally.

by the time riki has been safely tucked into bed, you’re angry beyond belief, your back hurts, and thankfully, sunwoo has been dropped home — giving you free rein to scream at jongseong for as long and as loud as you wish.

however, though you wish to obliterate jongseong with every insult under the sun, you’re frankly too exhausted to. all your energy had been exerted into safely delivering both boys home.

there’s nothing left you care to say.

jongseong appears to have accepted this as well, because the car ride back is peacefully quiet. it’s calm, serene, gentle. you say nothing, head resting against the window of the passenger seat while he drives.

for once, there is silence between you and jongseong.

such a silence is certainly a rarity, so you yield yourself and admire all its small sparks of beauty — you listen to the soft blowing of the car’s air conditioner; to the sound of the car blinker; to the gentle rnb sounds of music playing; and even to the tender baritone of jongseong’s voice when he hums along.

crazily enough, he’s playing all your favourite songs.

you allow yourself to slip further and further into a deep, profound slumber, enclosed by nothing but the familiar warmth of your most adored tunes… only to realise that he must be playing one of your playlists right now.

aided by such things, you drift off into a sleep in which you recall every other type of silence you’ve shared with jongseong.

in your first memory — your first type of silence with jongseong — you’re eight.

you had just met him a week ago when your parents had introduced you to their friend’s son, yet here you were — in your bedroom, lying on the floor, housed by a tent you had both assembled with blankets and chairs. you’re both alone in stillness and darkness, accompanied by nothing but a stack of books and a single lamp that sits in the corner of the homemade tent. its soft, warm glow illuminates just enough that you can both see the words on the pages of the books you’re sharing.

you and jongseong loved to read.

but better, you loved to read together.

neither of you had friends that liked books as much as you both did, so you would both explore your favourite tales together. with each other, you explored the artistry of the written word and the various worlds they painted — falling in love with words and fictional characters, traversing different universes, perusing the most intimate nooks and crannies of your imaginations.

you’d lie on your bellies, so close that your elbows touched and your breaths could be felt. you loved to read in complete and still silence — though it was the small glances and soft smiles you both exchanged that spoke far more conversation than words could communicate. you’d softly giggle at humorous lines of the same book; he’d quietly shake his head when the character you both hated would do something ridiculous; and you’d both smile at each other when you knew the story was reaching a turning point.

in this memory, you are only eight, but you’re old enough to know that the silence here is a language — an intimate one.

perhaps something only you and jongseong were fluent in.

in your second memory — your second type of silence with jongseong — you are eleven.

you’re sitting in the library, alone, your notebook laid out in front of you as you study the english words you’d learned in class. it’s late in the afternoon, and while your school day should have ended a while ago, you await your workaholic parents to fetch you. you’re exhausted and too young to be studying instead of enjoying your youth, however there’s nothing else your parents want more but for you to have your nose stuck in books.

there’s silence, and you hate it.

you want to be going to the movies. to the park. to the arcade. to anywhere but a library, because truthfully, you only like books when they’re tales.

it’s suffocating sitting here, though just before it becomes completely unbearable, you hear someone drag open the seat beside you.

you look up, and it’s jongseong.

he smiles at you and waves, slipping into the seat beside you. you’re too stunned to speak, but he plants an earbud into your ear, and suddenly there’s no silence anymore. you hear nothing but the tune of soft electric guitar, melded into rnb melodies.

you’re eleven, and too young to be studying, but old enough to know that jongseong is here to kill time with you because he knows you hate the silence of waiting for your parents. he fills your seconds, minutes, and hours with music. he blocks out all the silence and replaces it with something lovely to the ears.

and here, you’d sit beside each other, crafting playlists together and swapping song recommendations, speaking another language that you and jongseong are also fluent in — music and song lyrics.

again, there’s still no need for words when you’re speaking all kinds of different languages with jongseong — you share smiles, and little glances, and head bops, and write your favourite lyrics on your books.

and in your third memory — your final type of silence with jongseong — you are fourteen.

you are many years into your friendship with jongseong, and though for a while this was as much of a blessing as you’d always thought it was — this is the age you realise it had been a curse. because here you both sit, on the swings of the local playground near your house. at this late hour, it’s deserted — there is nobody else in sight; just you and the dearest friend you have.

your parents and his parents had fought for the umpteenth time.

you and jongseong had fled the house together, hoping to escape from the unbearable words your parents had exchanged with one another. you’d both found solace in a local playground, and again, there is silence.

you and jongseong say nothing.

you merely propel your body into the air with the swing, feeling cool air rustle through your hair.

however, it’s at this age that you realise that this type of silence is different.

it’s nothing like your first two types.

you aren’t reading and exchanging words through glances, nor are you listening to music and exchanging conversation through song.

there are no unspoken words between you two.

it’s in this memory that you realise that the “silence” here is not a noun, but a verb. the silence here is not a metaphor for non-verbal conversation. you sit in silence because you have to. you silence each other. you desperately don’t speak the words you know will spill out the moment either of you utter a single word.

because truthfully, both of you know that the dreaded conversation is dangling in front of you — your parents are drifting apart. there are fissures and cavities in the bond that initially bound you two together. and soon, you know your parents’ relationship will affect the amount of time your parents will allow you to continue being friends.

and this is the final type of silence because within a year, you and jongseong are no longer friends.

you were best friends, turned close friends, turned friends, turned acquaintances, and eventually — toxified by the feud between your parents — turned enemies.

this is the first time in a while you’ve thought of silence with jongseong.

and at the final memory, your eyes flutter open.

truthfully, your mind feels dull. you’re confused as you slowly regain consciousness of where you are and what date it is, though you eventually orientate yourself.

you’re still in his car.

except this time, it’s not moving. it’s parked along the side of the road; one that is familiar because it’s the one your house is populated along.

you turn your head over toward the driver’s seat, and there he is — jongseong. you freeze when you realise that he’s already staring at you, and silence fills all the space between you both. you thought there were only three types of silences with jongseong, but here you are — creating a new one. the type of silence that expanses the enclosed space between you two and makes you feel as though you can physically touch it.

“hey.” he says.

you blink slowly.

“hey.” you answer, shaking your head to rid yourself of memories you didn’t realise your heart kept so close to your soul. “s-sorry, i fell asleep—”

“it’s fine,” he replies, softly shaking his head. “we got here a while ago. i just figured you’d want to keep sleeping.”

if only he knew what you dreamt of.

mortified by your inner thoughts, you gulp. you attempt to sit up, though that’s when you become conscious of a weight draped over your body.

jongseong’s jacket.

why is this—

his eyes appear to trail your gaze, which is when he guesses the questions running through your mind.

he quickly reaches over and rips it off your body, seemingly embarrassed by your realisation. thick, awkward, painful silence engulfs the two of you as he tosses the jacket to the back of the car.

“now that you’re awake, hurry up and get out.” jongseong scoffs, reaching over toward your seat. startled by his action, you squeeze your spine back into your seat while he opens the door on your side.

you’re close.

his face is not far from yours. and when he looks up, the both of you appear to mutually arrive at the destination of this realisation.

there is silence, and not much space, and your mind has been plagued with memories of your old friendship with jongseong.

“are you leaving or what?” he asks you, slicing through your thoughts so harshly that you shut your eyes in order to regain composure.

after a few seconds pass, you finally open your eyes again.

what do you say?

do you tell him that he’s always been your dearest friend?

that you’re disheartened your friendship ended as quickly and harshly as it had?

what do you say?

“stop leaning in so close, your breath fucking stinks.”

silence is not something that exists between you and jongseong anymore.

all that exists is noise, noise, noise.

to be continued.

a/n: um.... we don't talk about the fact that it took almost 2 months for this update to arrive 😔💔 ngl i was this 🤏 close to discontinuing this fic bc i wasn't v confident about it but I CANT DO MY BOY JAY DIRTY LIKE THAT 😧 SO DON'T WORRY!! THIS FIC IS MOST DEFINITELY GOING TO BE FINISHED <33 i just wanna say thanks to all the people that were kind enough to share their excitement for this story- im :((( u guys are the absolute best 😭 hope this chapter was okay! hehehe i wanted to focus on jongseong and yn’s old friendship; if any of you remember, it was briefly mentioned that they were family friends in chap 1 :>>> anywayyyy do please share ur support via liking + reblogging ! <333 id love to hear ur thoughts :>> MUAHH

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