#like am I into makeovers and stuff? fuck no but if it puts a smile on her face then that's great!

[jennaajoseph]

❛ Make-up practice. ❜ ⸻ Jake Gyllenhaal x Reader.

── ﹙౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ MASTERLIST&INFO.﹚. ☆

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ SUMMARY. ⸻ Jake agreed suggested to practice your make-up skills on him.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ PAIRING. ⸻ jake gyllenhaal x gn!reader.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ CONTENTS. ⸻ fluff, bf!jake, cursing, I know nothing about makeup artists!!!!, gender neutral reader.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ A/N. ⸻ Jake with long hair inspired me to do this.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ CREDITS. ⸻ photos - pinterest , divider - @/cafekitsune.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ﹙©jennaajoseph﹚

"I feel like I'm losing my make-up skills, I don't like any of my work anymore." You sighed.

You were a make-up artist for nearly 4 years, but now you're feeling like you're not good enough at your work anymore.

"What? Why?" Jake asked surprised, his head peaked out of the kitchen doorframe.

He absolutely adored your work, he was always excited to see new makeups you've done. Overall, he was your biggest supporter.

"I don't know, I'm just not feeling it anymore." You sat on the couch.

"You are saying nonsense." He entered the living room and sat next to you. "I love your work, and you know that."

You chuckled. "I know, I just feel that I need to practice more, I'm not as good as I used to be."

He rolled his eyes. "You are the most talented make-up artist I know!"

"And the only one you know."

"Maybe, but still the best one!"

"Thank you, but I don't feel like it." You smiled gently and pulled him into a hug.

He returned the hug. "You know what, if you want to practice, you can do it on me."

You looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah! As your biggest fan I would love that!" He said excitedly.

"You're really hyped up for this, aren't you?" You chuckled.

"Of course I am! Bring your stuff here."

You smiled and quickly went to your and Jake's shared bedroom for a bag of cosmetics that you used on your clients.

"You got any ideas?" You said, and placed the bag on the table.

"Anything you do will be wonderful."

You rolled your eyes playfully. "I hate when people say that..."

He chuckled. "Okay then, do something..." He stopped for a moment to think. "Green?"

"Green? Really?" You raised your eyebrow.

"What? Is green a bad color?"

"It's awful!" You laughed.

"I hope that's not what you say to your clients when they want green themed make-up..."

"You are not my client..."

"Oh, so that gives you the privilege to say that my choice is bad?" He faked a shocked face.

"Okay, okay, let's go with green..." You sighed playfully.

"Now I don't want green anymore, you said it's awful!" He pouted.

"C'mon Jake!" You tried to hold your laugh.

"Pretend that I'm your client! Suggest me something!"

You grabbed a hair tie and tied his hair back from his face. "Pink?" You said jokingly.

"Sounds good." He smiled as you finished tying his hair.

"Okay let's get to work then." You said with a big smile.

⭑⭒⭒

"Okay, I'm done." After an hour and a half, you were done with his makeover. Still, you weren't really happy with your work, but it wasn't that bad as you thought it would be.

You handed him a mirror so he could see himself for the first time.

"Oh fuck, I look fucking awful with make-up on." He gasped.

You laughed as you threw yourself against the couch while he was dramatizing about how bad he looks.

"I told you, my make-up skills went down..." You sat back up and zipped up your makeup bag.

"No, I mean, it looks amazing, but god I look fucking awful!" He said, still staring at himself in the mirror. "I don't think I'm a good person to practice make-up on..."

You smiled and pulled him into a hug. He put down the mirror and wrapped his arms around you.

"You look hot" You joked, trying not to laugh.

He rolled his eyes playfully. "Oh, thank you"

You chuckled and untied his hair, styling it a little after. He pulled you into a kiss and you broke away immediately. "I'm going to have this stupid lipstick all over my face now!"

He laughed and kissed you again, you sighed and kissed him back this time.

"Besides, the make-up is really good." He said breaking the kiss.

"You are the most supportive boyfriend in the whole world." You cupped his face with both your hands. The lipstick was smudged all over yours, and his lips. "You can wipe everything off if you don't like how it looks on you."

"You spend half an hour on this! I'm not wiping it off until it's time for bed."

"Are you serious?" You tilted your head to the side.

"Yep, because I'm the most supportive boyfriend in the whole world." He repeated what you said earlier and grinned.

"Let me at least fix your lipstick." You unzipped your bag again and took out the lipstick you used on him earlier.

"Anything you do is perfect, love." He said kissing you for the last time before you fixed the lipstick on him.

Even though Jake said that he looks awful with make-up on, it wasn't the last time he suggested you to practice on him.

[firecatvariant]

Obey Me Character Thoughts

Just my thoughts about the Obey Me characters. (as a beginner player)

Backstory: I discovered Obey Me through a friend who plays and posts about it, and discovered it was made by the same company as my previous otome game, Love Tangle, so I gave it a shot and got pretty (ok, extremely) hooked. I am currently Level 83 on Lesson 31 of the main story, but because I like spoilers I pretty much have a good idea of what happens up to Lesson 60. I've also done a lot of the LD side lessons. These are just my current takes on the characters, it may change in the future! (Pictures are some of my favorite cards, collected or not, all artwork belongs to NTT Solmare of course)

**Lucifer **

Tbh, at first I thought he was going to be my #1. But he can be ... a little too uptight for my liking. A little too arrogant (though I guess that's the point of his avatar). His Dad personality does make me laugh though when it comes out. The moments where he's soft and sweet make me swoon, but I couldn't see myself dating someone like him IRL. I’d be too afraid of messing up all the time. Even though he's handsome as fuck. And super sexy. He's definitely my #2, but I just don't think I could choose him over my #1 if it ever came down to it. I do like reading head cannons and NSFW fics of him though. I’m not big on the “Luci” nickname either, but I’m not sure what I’d call him.

Mammon

Mammon kind of annoys me tbh. 😂 He's cute, in a puppy-dog tsundere way, and I think he'd be an awesome friend. But someone like him would get on my nerves IRL after a while, and I don't think I'd be able to put up with it. His sweet side is incredibly cute, but I could only ever see him as a friend, or maybe a FWB, but never as anything serious. But I think overall he means well, and really cares for (loves) the MC. I saw the nickname “Mamoney” once and I love it for him.

Leviathan

Levi is another one I originally thought would be in my top 3, based on his character design (he's super cute) when I first saw the game, but his personality makes me feel more protective and wanting to uplift him and boost his confidence rather than be in love with him. I want to be his friend, and support him. I do like some of the same stuff as he does, and I've dated hard-core Otakus IRL before. But any affection I'd give him would probably be platonic. I think I'd enjoy teasing him as well. Like everyone else, I just call him “Levi”.

Satan

My number 1, my husband, my dream guy, my ideal character ... it's so hard not to gush about him. He's everything I'd want in a guy: intelligent, well-read, has a sense of humor and a mischievous streak, adores cats as much as I do, can be super sweet, is probably amazing in bed ... even the anger management issues aren't a big deal to me, as I've dealt with that before. He's just perfect to me, and I eat up all NSFW fiction of him (and any other head cannons and fics and artwork tbh). I guess I'm just a _little _obsessed. I’m not big on the nicknames I’ve seen given to him (Tannie, TanTan, Catan, etc) so I call him “Sachan”. 

Asmodeus

I didn't like Asmo at first, but he grew on me. I couldn't see myself with him in a romantic relationship, but I can imagine he is the type of guy I'd want to be best friends with. Shopping, gossiping, makeovers - who doesn't want that in their life? (OK, a lot of people aren't into that stuff but I don't mind it) And he's incredibly caring and sweet towards the MC. And like everyone else, he’s just “Asmo” to me.

Beelzebub

I LOVE, love this boy. He's so, so sweet. He's my #3. He's not only incredibly sexy, he's adorable, cute and sweet as hell. I could imagine him making an amazing boyfriend/husband. And I also like food, maybe not as much as he does but I'd love visiting restaurants and eating with him. And he's protective and would be so comforting and safe. I love the shortening of his name to “Beel” as well.

Belphegor

Belphie's a brat and I kind of love it, tbh. He cracks me up and makes me smile with his dialogues, but I definitely view him as a younger brother type (as the baby of the family.) Any affection also would be strictly platonic as well, but I'd enjoy cuddling and hanging out with him. I don't even mind he tried to kill the MC, because what he went through was understandable. Like everyone else, he’s just “Belphie” to me.

Diavolo

Diavolo is a treasure. One moment he's sexy and romantic, another moment adorably sweet. He's so positive and optimistic. I can't really see me in a relationship with the Prince though, no matter how adorable I think he is. And I think he'd support whatever choice my MC makes (at least I hope he would). I DO think there’s a major storm brewing between him and Lucifer in the future though, and it makes me excited, but also sad at the same time. I love “Dia” for him, it’s cute and casual.

Barbatos

I don't have much of a connection with Barbatos yet, so I don't know much about him. He seems like he's kind, dependable, and scary when upset. I'd like to get to know him better, but I couldn't imagine having any sort of romantic feelings towards him. Does he have any nicknames? I’m not sure.

Solomon

Everyone says Solomon is an ass, and he kind of is. But I find that endearing. I guess I just think being a bit of an asshole can be funny at times (especially in the game, he cracks me up) and even though he seems kind of shady, you can tell he genuinely cares for the MC, and is even a little in love. He's like the background guy friend that is secretly in love with you but doesn't have much of a chance. I really want to get to know more about him. No nickname.

Simeon

He's a sweetheart. And definitely not as angelic as he originally appeared to be. He's another I feel secretly loves MC, but another I'd be strictly platonic with. But I still need to get to know him a little better, and I definitely like him a lot more than I thought I would. No nickname, unless you use his pen name.

Luke

Is baby. He's like a tiny little brother that is there for fun, and I want to protect and indulge him and basically treat him like my own kiddo. It still feels weird to have a character like him in an otome game, but he's definitely adorable.

My MC

Is of course, based off me. She's female, and she represents the better part of me when I'm making my choices, or the parts of me I wish I could be. Her name is Kana. I've always had my MCs/OCs kind of based off characters like Aoi Sakuraba from Ai Yori Aoshi and Tohru Honda from Fruits Basket because IRL I strive to be like them. Sweet, kind, understanding, loving, maybe a little naive. Sees the best in people, but not afraid to say what she thinks or get involved in other people's business because she wants to help. Maybe that's a little boring, but it's what I try to be.

What I imagine my MC too look like (a lot like myself)

[sparkledfirecracker]

Sunny Fall Out

Synth’s 5K Follower Challenge / How it started – How’s it going?

@syntheticavenger , again congrats on reaching 5K 😊!

Title: Sunny Fall Out

Pairing: Frank Adler x Female Reader

Challenge: Frank Adler / Babysitting Mary

Warning: Swearing and fluff

My blog is an 18+ only zone, minors do not interact. Don’t let the fluff fool you.

A/N: My second entry for Synt’s 5K follower challenge. This fluff entered my brain while working on this dark filthy twisted mobster story. Took a break to write up this fluffy drabble for the lovely anon who requested this for the challenge. Lightly proofread, so all mistakes are my own. ENJOY!

Pictures for moodboard found on Pinterest, credit to the respectful owners!

How it started:

Frank Adler, your next door neighbour, with his complicated character. He was your weakness, his toned physique, his hard working ethic and his devotion to Mary. Exhaustion had overtaken your body when Frank ambushed you. There he had stood; practically begging you to watch Mary for a couple of hours. Roberta being out for the day and he had no-one else to turn to.

You loved that little girl and wouldn’t — nor couldn’t — say no to an opportunity to watch her. Even when you were exhausted and all you wanted to do was catch up on some much needed sleep.

Hours had been filled with chatter, pillow fort building and currently; watching a movie allowing you to doze off. It hadn’t been long when your nap was interrupted, the snuggled up girl moving with impatience.

“How about we paint some nails?” You croak

“YES!” An exciting peep from the small human. “What colour?”

“We can check, there is tons of different shades.” You smiled, getting up and grabbing your keys out of your bag. “I’ll be right back, don’t burn down the house, okay?”

“I won’t.” A mini promise before you hurried next door.

Only briefly getting used to the comfort of your home. You grabbed the small basket with nail polishes and remover. Running back and settling back down in the homemade fort. It hadn’t taken you long to decide on a colour, pink with a glittery shimmer.

“Mary, sit still.” You chirped firming your hold.

“You’re tickling me.” The foot in your hand tried to wriggle out of your grasp. Loud giggles erupting from the small body on your opposite.

“If you keep this up you’ll have more nail polish on your skin than the actual toenails.” You giggle, hearing the door open and keys being tossed on the table with a loud thud.

Frank leaned his hands down on the table. He looked like he had a rough day with whatever he had to do.

“We’re painting toenails.” Mary gleamed showing him the foot we were working on.

“Are you serious?” He sounded aggravated. Mary’s face dropped at Franks annoyed words. Assuming she’d experienced a minor outburst from him before. You couldn’t get a good read on him and opted for the immediate apology.

“Sorry, I thought it might be okay, since it’s only her toenails -- they can be hidden.” Screwing the brush back on the bottle. “I should have asked first.”

“You should have indeed.” He growled

“Mary come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” The disappointed pout on her pale face made your heart sink. Getting up and holding your hand out for her.

“Thanks for watching her, but I didn’t expect to come back to all this girly nonsense and fucking mess.” Frank grumbled. His impatience growing when you weren’t moving fast enough “Just leave it and get out already.” His annoyance had softened when he spoke the harsh words, too late for an apology now.

“Shut up Frank, I thought it was a nice gesture.” Dropping Mary’s hand and pushing past Frank’s body. You turned around to look at him. “You just didn’t have to be a dick about it.” Slamming the door on your way out.

Large steps taken to your house next door, balled fists by your side while you mumbled angrily to yourself. Fighting the tears that were threatening to fall from being exhausted and emotional, clearly the lack of sleep coursing your body. A squeal escaped when you were tugged -- a little too roughly -- on your arm, making you spin around. Frank!

“Leave me alone, you ignorant prick.” You tried breaking free from his grasp, hitting his arm with your free hand.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry won’t cut it.” You spat tears now streaming down your cheeks from the overwhelming tiredness consuming your body.

“It’ll have to do”

“It won’t and you know what,” You took in a sharp breath “You’re such an asshole you know that? I did something nice for Mary and here you come, barging in and being all rude and taking your shitty mood out on me. She looked devastated about having to take off some innocent nail polish. I did you a favour when you practically begged me to babysit her. It is just nail polish, Frank, not a full blown makeover to become the next pageant queen of the state…”

The anger unleashed onto him had made you feel slightly better. Before you could speak two large hands had pulled you in and enveloped your lips harshly. The shock made time stand still and then your thoughts recollected themselves at what was happening. Trying to push him off.

“I am really sorry,” Frank looks down at you taking in your features, his cheeks blushed. “I shouldn’t have taken out my rough day on you, it’s just -- it’s just Evelyn making life difficult for a second time ‘round”

You knew his mother was ruthless when it came to Mary. He had told you some small stuff, but knew their relationship was complicated. You’d seen her once and she made shivers run down your spine. She didn’t look like a pleasant person to be around.

Your face softened at his explanation “You want to talk about it over a couple of beers?”

“No, I don’t”

“You don’t want beer? I am truly shocked.” You feigned a gasp, clutching your chest in shocked surprise.

“I want the beer; I don’t want to talk -- I want to make it up to you.”

“For what exactly, Frank?”

“Being an asshole, can I persuade you with an offer of beer and pizza?” It wasn’t really a question, but it was a nice sincere suggestion.

You contemplated for a moment, you grabbed his face and risen to your toes. Pulling him down in your cradled grip and pressing your lips gently to his.

“Does this mean she can paint my nails again?” Mary shouted from the door. Breaking away from the kiss, Frank let’s out a grunt and you both turn your head towards the blonde girl grinning widely in the opening.

“MARY! Get inside”

“Play nice asshole.” With a giggle you slapped his chest playfully.

How’s it going – 6 months later

Your sundress clung to your body, yelping at the cold water from the exploded water balloon. You’re quick to grab the hose holding it in Mary’s direction, joyful shrieks filling the air.

“STOP! STOP!” She yelled, trying to fight her way towards you.

“No, you started it, you’ll finish it.” You laughed continuing to pour the cold water on her.

She fell down and let out a frustrated sob. You initially thought she’d gotten hurt, but when you reached her she full blown sprayed you with her water gun.

“That’s cheating.” You protested, you turn your head at the large grumble from the familiar truck you had been waiting to see. Mischief coursing through your body and you look down at Mary who expresses the same delight as you. “Let’s get Frank.”

“YES!!!” The exhilaration clearly visibly, jumping up and down.

Hiding around the corner you watch Frank approach the house, unknowingly, scanning through the mail. Mary runs up to him with her water gun and you throw some water balloons his way. Hitting him on his head and arm.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME!” Frank growled looking at the both of you giggling. “This is how I get welcomed home?” He opened the door and tossed the mail inside, before returning with a wide grin, grabbing a filled bucket by the door and running your way.

“RUN” Mary shrieked heading off, Frank followed in her tracks. Grabbing her by the arm and locking her between his legs. Her frantic movements were no match to his firm hold and she screeches when the cold water is poured down on her.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the interaction. Frank whispers something in her ear and she nods. He lets her go and he waves at you, raising your eyebrow in confusion, but soon realize that Mary is running your way.

“You traitor.” You chuckle pointing towards Mary.

Running away quickly, sprinting around the house trying to dodge Mary. She launches her small body at you, hanging onto you like a Koala. It has clearly slowed you down and before you know it Frank catches you, securing you in his grasp. Mary let’s go and runs away.

“I missed you.” You muse giving him a quick peck on his lips, batting your eyelashes at him.

“I missed you too, but that cute look is not going to charm me.” He places a gentle kiss on your lips, pulling back giving you a devilish look. “We’ve got other ways to deal with naughty girls like you.” With ease Frank lifts you over your shoulder, you slap his ass animatedly trying to get him to put you down.

[flipflap-flipflap]

[Alright take-two on this damn post.  First one got eaten by post editor right as I was ready to post.  You see how long this is?  Save to drafts, kids.]

I’m here to shove a manga on you: Ookami Shounen Wa Kyou Mo Uso O Kasaneru (The Boy Who Cried Wolf Also Told a Lie Today).  It’s a gender bending romance.  Despite how awful that probably sounds, it’s actually really fucking good and I do not say that lightly. 

(No spoilers, this is all in the first chapter)  A high school boy insecure about his intimidating face, Itsuki, has fallen for a shy loner girl, Tokujira, who does not seem specifically phased by his naturally scary face.  So he takes a risk and confesses, but she turns him down brutally.  Itsuki goes to his sister to lament his insecurities about his face, which he (more or less correctly) attributes as why he can’t make connections.  To give him a new perspective on his appearance, his sister (trans btw) gives him a makeover while he’s sleeping and then kicks him to the curb of her salon - fully crossdressed.  On his way home, Itsuki (♀) ends up bumping into Tokujira, and she mistakes him for a boyish girl.  Under this misunderstanding, she asks "her” for a favor...

She has androphobia, and she has it bad.  So much so she can’t even look at men without snapping violently or becoming physically ill.  And Itsuki (♀) is just boyish enough to trigger her, but not enough to lock her down.  So she asks for “her” help, to see if she can desensitize herself to her phobia. Itsuki’s in a bind for a couple obvious reasons, not the least being the guilt of deceiving Tokujira. But nonetheless, he genuinely wants to help her.  So, he decides to continue crossdressing, diving into a lie that he soon finds he has no easy exit from.

I really recommend this manga.  I cannot say that enough times.  It is phenomenal, shattering tropes left and right in fun and interesting ways.  Do yourself a favor and give this manga a try.

Personal feelings and meta analysis below the cut.  It’s, uh, ungodly long, and will get very spoilery.  But I will flag spoilers.  And there will be pretty pictures?

(Also, no, I did not go into this planning to compare a manga about crossdressing to the abolitionist writings of Frederick Douglass, but reality deserves to be a bit absurd sometimes.)

Before you think I’m getting spoilery, with the intro I gave or anything I don’t mark as spoilers, I’m really not.  Everything outside of spoilers is right on the package at the start.  It sounds like I’m spoiling late-game stuff, right?  That’s something that was really fantastic to me: this manga doesn’t spoon feed you.  There’s no arcs of pure silent angst, even at the lowest point in the story. These kids are smart, they think and intuit on the spot, and they share what they’re feeling with each other like good friends do.  Like that next panel down there with Itsuki introspecting about his confidence level while crossdressing?  That’s from the first chapter!  These kids are smart.  And god damn that is so nice to see.

There was a lot I liked about this manga, but at the top is how compelling the protagonist and his internal conflict are.  Right from the first chapter he’s already wracked with guilt about what he’s about to do: deceive this girl by pretending to be a safe space.  But Tokujira told Itsuki (♀) she hopes to one day be able to fall in love, and Itsuki wants to ensure she can have that - even if it’s not him that gets to confess to her.  He’s fully aware of exactly how fucked up what he’s doing is, and is appropriately beating himself up over it in a really realistic way.  But although the guilt never fades, it slowly gains company in happiness. He enjoys this new, fragile life he has constructed around the two precious new friends he's made as a girl.

It was probably easy to gloss over in the synopsis, but arguably the biggest part of Itsuki (♂)’s conflict is his complex about his face.  He looks dangerous, and because of that he is afraid to even lift his head or smile in front of others.  But as Itsuki (♀), he smiles and laughs without fear.  It becomes immediately clear to him on the first day that he's a more confident person while crossdressing.  Happier in a way he can't be as a man.

Botan is easily my favorite character in the series.  She’s introduced early on, as Tokujira’s first and only friend before Itsuki (♀).  At the start she’s a dangerous third wheel, a serious threat to Itsuki’s ability to keep up his lie.  And though the situation is (thankfully) defused rather quickly, she becomes a massive source of internal conflict for Itsuki. Nonetheless, she becomes a dear friend for both Itsuki ♂ and ♀. She’s just so...*chef’s kiss*

^This face is the repository of all my love and affection.

Mark my words, this is the first and I assume last time I will ever say this: love triangle good. You know it’s inevitable in a romance genre piece, but this manga approaches the trope in a new and compelling way. [Spoiler] Needless to say, it’s between Itsuki, Tokujira, and Botan.  But...there’s two Itsukis involved, ♂ and ♀, and in the center of it all is this lie. His lie stops being about him: it's about not hurting these two girls he cares so much about. [/Spoiler]

On a more personal note, I saw so much of myself in Itsuki’s older sister, Ibuki.  She runs a salon, catering especially to crossdressers and transwomen.  She’s a self-described “Youthling”, an alien from the planet Youth, obsessed with observing the exciting and turbulent lives of the youths of earth.  For more or less for the same reasons most of us do: transpeople don’t tend to get the youths we want, if we allow ourselves to experience youth at all. So it’s nice to be able to enjoy it vicariously, through this younger generation that is able to more fearlessly pursue the lives we couldn't. 

^Incidentally, one of my favorite interactions in the manga.

Despite getting Itsuki into this crossdressing mess, she’s someone he can always return to and confide in, and get good, helpful advice from.  Her whole philosophy is to give young people agency to explore their identities and find themselves, and though she tells Itsuki the road he's taking is dangerous as soon as she learns what he's doing, she'll always support him however she can.

That, I feel, is what separates her from other, more creepy/pedophilic enabler types, like Sawako from K-On! or Lucoa from Dragon Maid. It’s a refreshingly honest and respectful portrayal of a quirky adult just trying to be a good older sister.

The last thing I want to say, and I’m not going to even mark this as a spoiler because of course it’s going to happen and if you can’t predict that then you’re not my problem, is that Itsuki of course eventually has to drop his lie.  All I’ll say about it is that it is probably going to live in my head for years. Everything about it, the lead up, the execution, the fallout, and the recovery, are all so masterfully crafted for maximum emotional impact.

That’s all I want to say exclusively about my personal feelings.  On to analysis.  There will be a lot more contextual spoilers here that, even without reading the parts I’ve specially blocked off will probably leak through.  Read at your own risk, but I would recommend revisiting after you have finished the manga.

One thing I really want to talk about is language.  That’s right, I’m going to compare a crossdressing manga to The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, the autobiography of a freed slave turned abolitionist. Douglass talks about a concept that has remained imprinted on my mind ever since I first read it: how and why slaves struggled to comprehend the concept of freedom.  This wasn’t anything to do with fear or “racial inferiority” like pro-slavers would argue, but rather with a lack of vocabulary.  They have all of these feelings and things they know to be true, but lack the words to make meaningful sense of them.  For Douglass specifically, his life completely changed when he learned the word “abolition.”  It was like a floodgate burst, as he was suddenly able to put meaning to feeling, create context from chaos.

And that’s right, we see that happen in a big way, with Tokujira.  This should be an obvious development, but as it happens late in the manga I will mark it [Spoiler].  As Tokujira and Itsuki (♀) practice things like talking, eye contact, holding hands, etc., Tokujira naturally starts to fall for Itsuki (♀).  But she doesn’t understand that.  An important part of her character is that, growing up, she focused on expanding her vocabulary as much as humanly possible in the hopes of being able to better articulate herself.  So words are very important to her.  It’s not until she sees a work of lesbian fiction on display that she finally realizes that’s the word she’s looking for.  The floodgate bursts, and all of her emotions suddenly make sense.  She realizes she loves Itsuki (♀). [/Spoiler]

And I think that is a vital and underexplored concept when discussing LGBT youth, especially in countries where even knowledge of these concepts is taboo.  The reason so many LGBT youth struggle with their identities, especially trans youth, is because we do not have the vocabulary to conceptualize our feelings.  I am always excited to see this concept play out, especially in this context.  It’s such an important thing that needs to be addressed more broadly.

Moving on, I want to talk about historical context of the genre as it relates to what the author did here.  Notably, I want to talk about a specific trope rampant in Japanese queer fiction, specifically early lesbian fiction: the idea that queerdom is a meaningless, youthful phase that children will naturally and inevitably grow out of.  It’s problematic for obvious reasons.

[HELLA HELLA SPOILERS]  My kneejerk reaction to the ending of this manga was that the author fell into this trope.  In the end, Itsuki comes to the conclusion that he does not need to crossdress.  So again, kneejerk.  But...it really wasn’t like that.  He never had any dysphoria; crossdressing was always just a necessity of his circumstance.  Nonetheless he learned to analyze and value his experience crossdressing as a woman, and because of that grew as a man.  And as part of his journey to understand his identity we, through him, see why some people crossdress.  Along with his example, we see why his sister, a bona fide post-op transsexual, has made it a permanent change to her life.  Likewise, we see Miyama, who crossdresses purely for the gender euphoria, but has no (stated) interest in going all the way.  These are all presented as valid and meaningful. [/Spoiler]

Crossdressing, and gender nonconformity in general, is portrayed not as some one-dimensional fetish like cultural taboo would depict it to be, but rather a meaningful exercise for exploring and critically analyzing your own identity.  For some, yes, it’s a phase, but an importantly transformative one when done right.  While for others, it is a gateway to a new way of experiencing and enjoying life.  Or, it’s fun just for the pragmatic reasons...

I honestly cannot recommend this manga enough.  Tragically, I cannot imagine it ever getting an official english translation, so you’ll have to settle for a  scanlation like the one I linked in the title up top (and here, again).  It’s a really good translation, though the site is predictably sketchy.  Warning for lots of NSFW ads.

Read it, and then come talk to me about it!!!  There is basically zero fan community and I need to fangirl with someone!

[jay-and-dean]

Become That Girl  Part 1/2

Dean x reader

Summary : Y/n never was his type. She is the buddy type ; sexy and glamorous are just not her. It’s time to try to change that... To change everything about herself. And maybe, just maybe, this flirty smile will be for her next time...

Warning : Swearing. Suffering and mentions of unhealthy behaviors. Smut. Unprotected sex (you’re smarter than this). Kinda rough sex. ANGST.

Words : 7.7 k

Author note : This was supposed to be a one shot, but there will be a part 2. I will publish it this week (tuesday I hope).

***Want to read more ? => MASTERLIST***

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            Dean's hand brushes that girl's palm and those adorable wrinkles appear on his eyes for her, he gives her these sweet eyes I saw only in these circumstances; his head slightly bending on the side. His flirty smile.

"It's ridiculous" I grunt, taking a sip of my beer.

"Yeah" Sam chuckles.

But I struggle to swallow. The truth is I would give my life, my soul and everything else for Dean Winchester looking at me like this just once. For him to touch my hand that way. For whatever is to come with that girl. The idea of him sinking inside her is like a stab in my chest, but I'm used to that pain.

           I know I will never taste his lips, because I'm not that girl, not even close.

           I'm the kind of girl guys love because they can be themselves with her, I'm the buddy type. And along the way, I became Dean Winchester's friend. He gives me drinks and teases me all the time on my tastes in music, on my tastes in food, in men... If only he knew.

           It was quick for me to fall in love with him. I have never been in love before, not for real ; so I didn't really know what was happening to me at first. I never was the kind of girl that forces to laugh at men's joke, that wear pink or try to look like society wants women to be. I never faked a smile, but Dean, he makes me giggle like an idiot, and everything he says actually interests me. I'm fascinated by him.

           He's beautiful, but that's not even what I like the most about him. It's like I just could read him, his soul, the way he hides pain, the way his humor is way darker than people think, that incredible ability he has to be himself, that fake harshness and the size of his noble heart...

           He bends to catch the girl's lips and I bite the inside of my cheek to hold back the whine of pain coming up my spine.

           My stomach contracts at how empty I feel and I look down at my hands. That void I feel each time I come to the full conscience that I will never feel him on and inside me, it hurts way too much. It’s beyond craving, it’s like a part of me was missing.

"Are you okay ?" Sam asks, probably reading the sorrow on my face.

"Of course" I state. "I'm just tired, that hunt was a bitch."

           I want to drink too much, drown my stupid brain in fucking alcohol. The puking and hangover are way better than being able to imagine him with her, his hands on her hair, his tongue around her nipples...

           I get up and go to the bar, avoiding to get too close to Dean and her, I don't need to know her smell or voice, my brain would turn it into torture.

"Whiskey please, leave the bottle" I tell the bartender.

He doesn't look at me when he hands me the bottle, not even checking my age or my eyes. He is looking at Dean's conquest and that desire, almost envy, on his face catches my attention despite my will not to look at her.

           Taking the bottle, I glance at that woman everyone seems to admire. Dean's back is toward me so I can see half her face, behind his silhouette. She's pretty. A wide smile on her face, bright eyes, sulky hair and makeup ; she doesn't have scars, or bruises like me and her only wrinkles are just highlighting her smile, like she had never worried or frown.

           I pour whisky in my own glass and empty it, then do it again. I go back to my table to join Sam, my empty glass in one hand and the bottle in the other, it didn't even pay, but when the bartender will be back on Earth, maybe he'll ask me. Meanwhile, fuck him.

"I'm not holding your hair tonight Y/n" Sam sighs.

"Yeah... don't worry Sammy" I shrug.

 ***

           "Oh... fuck…" I grunt opening my eyes. "Oh ! Fuck !" I gasp before I run to the toilets to empty my stomach in the bowl.

Sam pushes the door and rubs his eyes.

"Y/n ?"

"Shut up..." I whine, pushing my hair out of my sweaty face.

I flush the toilets and get up stumbling, I start undressing, knowing Sammy will just not watch, and he turns his back on me to pee. When I enter the shower, I grunt at the warm water.

"Coffee ?" he asks.

"Yes please, with aspirin in it... What is that ?" I look at my very sore hand and see it's all purple and blue. "Sammy why is my hand all bruised ?"

He chuckles and when he washes his hands the water of the shower suddenly becomes cold for a minute.

"A guy called you babydoll and touched your ass" I hear the smile in his voice. "You broke his face before I could move."

Shit... I bet if someone had done that to Dean's pretty girl, she would have needed a prince in shining armor. Me, I just break faces. I grunt and put my head on the tiles, I'm just not a lady, maybe that's why Dean doesn't want me, even for a quick fuck...

           I'm in my jeans and bra when Sam comes back with coffee. He gives it to me and hands me aspirin. He slept in my motel room, that means Dean brought his girl in theirs. I frown and grunt, my eyes still barely open. Sam offers me an amused dimple smile.

"When you're around, it's like having another Dean" he mocks.

My heart breaks.

           I know it was not meant to be mean and being anything like Dean can only be a good think but... Am I really so far from being a girly girl ?

           I get up and take my clothes, my too long and worn out Led Zeppelin t-shirt and black rangers. I sigh. Yeah well maybe I don't dress like a princess too... Fuck !

           The door opens and Dean enters the room with cups of coffee in his hands. Each time that man comes near, something happens, like the colors were brighter, like my blood was warmer… He turns to me and raises his eyebrows, probably seeing what a mess I am, my wet hair all messy, the cuts and bruises on my arms, face and hands.

"You look like shit" he says and a new kind of stab hits my gut. "What did you do last night ? Did you see someone ?"

"Haha ! She met a guy !" Sam mocks and I grunt.

"Really ?" Dean frowns like it was beyond surprising.

"She may have broken his jaw" Sam chuckles and Dean comes closer.

"Did you fight again ?" he sighs, taking my hand to check on it.

He still smells like this girl’s perfume and I'm nauseous. I take my fingers back and show him I can move them fine with an annoyed look. Then I take the coffee of his hand and thank him.

"Hey !" he calls me when I'm about to take my bag to leave.

So I turn around and put a light kiss on his cheek like I do every morning, making him smile like a child. I stare for a little too long at his proud face and walk pass him.

           In the car I take my shoes off to put my feet on the backseat, Dean is mumbling the Metallica song, his beautiful strong fingers dancing on the rhythm against the wheel. And before I can look away, I have this vision of him sinking this amazing middle finger inside her core.

Shit... I'm nauseous again.

I guess in this world of blood and violence, coming deep inside a soft sweet angel-like princess must be a relief. I can’t enjoy one night stands anymore, but he can, good for him. It's not his fault if sex makes me feel dirty since I know him, like I was cheating...

           Stupid.

I just wish it would happen to me once... Having him. I know how dumb this sounds because I'd probably be dead with grief once he turns to a better girl again, but I would give anything to spend a night with him. I have to stop dreaming, he doesn't even see me as a woman.

           I frown and put my head back on the window.

"Hey Y/n ?" he says, looking at me in the rear-view mirror. "Now the hunt is over, we finally have a little time together. We could do our horror movies marathon ? I can't wait to see your face when we wa..."

"You're the one hiding against me Winchester" I state with my usual a mocking grin.

It's not even a lie and he rolls his eyes, glancing at Sam who's still listening to some conference in his headphone.

"I just can't wait to eat all those candies we hid in your room, without Sam lecturing us" he smiles with his teeth showing and my heart melts.

           What if I tried...

What if I tried to be the kind of girls he likes ? I mean, I'm nothing special but with a little efforts I could at least become a girl in his eyes... Would he still be able to just stuff his mouth with sugar when he's so close to me in my bed, if he saw me as a real lady ?

           I look down at myself and sigh. I will have to change absolutely everything... But maybe this could work.

 ***

           It's only been a few hours since we got back, Dean went to take a shower and Sam went running, which doesn’t make fucking sense after a hunt so rough.

Taking a huge bite of that big double chocolate brownie, I stare at my laptop, watching stupid videos of makeover, style, makeup and how to do your hair ; and if I wasn't thinking of if Dean would like this thing or not... I would probably have died of boredom already.

           I should try to work on my attitude too. Swear less, sit straighter, be less loud, spontaneous, stop saying when I need to pee, drink less and try those stupid sweet cocktails when I do, let men defend me. I don't get to skip wax day anymore, I have to look sexy or eventually childishly cute, but not at all like I do right now. Boy !Being a “girl” is no fun at all.

           I look at the Pinterest and Instagram pictures of those pretty girls and put my brownie down watching my belly, a diet wouldn't hurt either.

           A knock on my door, Dean enters with a cute smile, his hair still wet. I close my laptop and throw the brownie in the trash, sitting straighter already, I pull my stomach slightly in.

"I bought beer" he says and sits on my bed, opening one for me but I shake my head. "Still too hangover ?" he asks and I nod.

           During the whole movie, I try to watch my attitude, not spreading my legs to put bowls of candies between them, not making fun of him when he jumps. And when he falls asleep beside me, I just stare at him thinking of how many things I would sacrifice for him. I dare touching his hair and leans to my touch, coming closer in his sleep. I want more.

I need more.

 ***

           I barely slept tonight, half stressed, half exited by my project.

As usual, Dean left in the middle of the night, kissing my forehead to say goodnight. I get up, eat fruits and shit instead of cereals and go running, drinking water, more water than what I usually drink in a week. I read coffee makes teeth become yellow and gives shadows under the eyes, so I will stop it too.

When I take my car to go fucking shopping -I always hated shopping-, I try my best to smile, looking on the mirrors of the car. Sweet and open Y/n...

           I manage to hold back my middle finger when a jerk takes the parking lot I wanted. I'm hungry but my body needs to learn to shut up. If I want Dean Winchester to consider kissing me, I have to be perfect. There is no compromise.

I try clothes and I feel like I'm wearing a costume, with those bruises and all, it's stupid anyway. So I decide to go one step at a time. I'll wear normal size shirts instead of oversized and a nice jacket first, I'm not ready for dresses or too colorful for now.

           I buy lace panties and push up bras then decide to throw away my other underwear to make sure I wear them, because they're so uncomfortable I will be tempted to go back... I keep drinking water when I buy makeup and nail polish, trying my best to both pull my stomach in and ignore the heavy perfume smell and the employees trying to sell me way too many things. I need girly shampoo and all, because I usually just use Dean's.

           Then I lock myself in my room for hours, fighting with my body, waxing with incredible care, putting sticky things on my hair to make them shiny, cream on my skin to make it soft, mascara to make my eyes bigger… I even pierce my own ears.

           But the more I try, the more I feel ugly. I always tied my hair in buns-easier to fight, run and look like an FBI agent- but now it’s down, and I look at these models,it seems dull… Same for every inch of my body. Why do girls do that to themselves ! Or maybe I’m the one that is a problem, maybe I’m just disgusting and avoided to see it for years. No wonder why Dean never looked at me.

           I stare at myself and sigh. Fuck. Even doing all that, there is about zero chance Dean would ever want me one day, even just for a night. It’s going to hurt way more than hunger and wax, but I have to go further, I have to pay attention when he’s with a woman…

 ***

             “MOTHERFUCKING BITCH !” I yell throwing the stupid scale against the wall.

It’s been three months and I haven’t lost a pound. I’m hungry all the time, from morning to the next morning, it’s even waking me at night. I only eat salad and drink water… I mean, my hands are shaking for Christ sake !

           Three months of trying so hard to act like a sweet fragile angel with a weakness for sin : cute and sexy. But I’m still swearing like a sailor when I don’t pay attention and I’m still fat. Hunts are becoming more difficult because I’m weak, and fun times with my friends are more rare, because they only do what I can’t : drink beers, eat burgers, make fun of horror movies, play whiskey poker… I used to love whiskey poker so much ; the night Dean invented it, we were beyond drunk but it was one of my best memories, he ended cutting my hair and it was bad, but I didn’t care at all.

“Are you okay ?” Sam says, opening the door but I close it brutally.

“Sam ! I’m a girl you know ! You and your brother can’t just enter the bathroom when I’m in it !” I yell through the door, hurt that they keep treating me as if I was the third Winchester brother, and worried they would see my ugly fat body...

“Sorry Y/n, I didn’t know you were naked” he states.

“Naked or not, Sam !”

“What’s the problem ?” I hear Dean ask his brother, and put my head on the door.

“She’s just grumpy again…” Sam sighs and I frown.

I do argue with them more often… I didn’t noticed that.

“Sweetheart ?” Dean calls though the door and tries to push it.

“Are you serious !” I cry out pushing the door. “Stop forgetting I’m a girl, you don’t get free access on the bathroom when I’m in it !”

“Okay” Dean just says and he leaves.

           I never forbid them to enter, and I have great memories of watching Dean brushing his teeth while I dried my hair, of his intimacy only hidden by a white towel around his waist while I joined him in the hot steam his shower made to talk about anything.

           My Dean and I used to be awesome… But in a buddy way. I feel tears fill my eyes but try to hold them back because I really don’t want to do my makeup again. I caught him staring at my cleavage yesterday, and he said lipstick suited me last week. I have to be strong, if Dean gives me that flirty eyes, I would be worth it.

           But we don’t talk that much either and… I really miss him in every way, I miss my friend and I feel lost and lonely. The sadness these thoughts bring, mixed with the exhaustion of hunger, and the pain of that unrequited love finally makes me fully burst in tears. My hand on my mouth I muffle the sounds of my sobs, realizing I will never have him, and probably fucked up the only good thing I had : That pure and loving friendship with the Winchesters.

 ***

             I take a bite of my salad and hold back a gag. Not that I don’t like salad, but eating only that is becoming really sickening. Dean looks at me and there is no kind expression on his face, that tender smile I used to see everyday faded along the weeks.

“Take a bite” he says, handing me his burger, cheese dripping on his fingers.

“What ? No…” I shrug. “I’m not super hungry.”

I’m not an idiot, at least not completely : I knew my best friends would notice a change in my behavior. I mean, Dean seeing a change is the all point, but I don’t want to look like I’m trying so hard. So lately I’ve been putting empty pizza boxes on the table from time to time. And my outfits were replaced slowly…

           But they’re not idiots either.

“I just want to check something” he says.

I can’t, after all these efforts, if I bite in that thing, I will become even fatter than I am, I can’t afford that…

“I don’t want to, Dean.”

“I made it myself” he insists, practically putting the food on my lips and the smell is becoming too tempting.

“Dean ! No ! I’m sure it’s delicious because your homemade burgers are always a success but it’s a no !” I push him wiping the ketchup that fell on my shirt. “What is wrong with you…”

“What is wrong with me !” his harsh tone surprises me. “I’m super worried, that’s what is wrong ! Do you have eating disorder now or something ?”

“What ? No ! Of course not, you know me !”

“Yeah… Do I ?” he asks before getting up, leaving his plate barely touched in front of me.

“Dean ?” I call but too low, he can’t hear me…

 ***

           I didn’t come out of my room. Not once, since Dean looked at me that way, a sad way, like I had betrayed him or something, just because of a burger…

           Who am I kidding ? It’s not because of a burger, my best friend just doesn’t recognize me. I can’t be that girl, I’m just not enough. Curling in my bed, I take a deep shaky breath, I’m really tired of crying so I just stare at the wall, thinking about what Dean must think of me. He must be disappointed, and that’s the worst I can imagine. Dean, my Dean, thinking low of me, annoyed or hurt because of me.

           A knock on the door. I lift my eyes to the red numbers in the dark : 10:18 pm. Usually, when one of the brothers knock on my door, they start talking to me through it and if I don’t yell that I’m naked, they just enter. Not this time. The knock is discreet and followed by a heavy silence.

           Surprised by that unusual quiet, I get up, arranging the top I was wearing because it went up my stomach. I open the door and my pupils grow, I can almost feel it, seeing Dean’s beautiful eyes in the lights of the corridor.

“Y/n…” he says with his deep voice, his right hand on his pocket. “I’m sorry I was a drag earlier. You need space from us, I get it… Living with guys…” his tone is a little sad but very kind, I don’t know what to say. “Just, don’t change who you are, please. You can eat what you want and wear what you want sweetheart, okay ?”

“I do” I nod to close the subject and ease that worrying on his handsome face.

He bends and slowly crushes the plumb of his lips on my forehead like he always does when he’s worried about me, after hunts, before hunts… when I’m sick or tired or anything. I close my eyes, trying to enjoy this without ruining it with the pain of that stupid unrequited love.

“I just miss my friend” he says low. “I promise I won’t bother you more and knock and all, but could we spend a night together at the bar ? With Sammy ? Like we used too ? I miss that.”

The look on his face is like his brother’s puppy eyes and I feel both relieved and terrified. I miss him like crazy and just want to say yes and follow him running ; but if he leaves with a girl… It might kill me this time.

“Yeah… Okay” I sigh. If he gets with a woman, I’ll just try to observe her. “Can I just have a little time to get ready ?”

“Of course sweetheart” he nods, letting go of me. “Take your time.”

           After a few minutes trying to recover from Dean being so adorable, I finally managed to go to the bathroom. Tonight I will really try to look like one of Dean’s conquest, so I stare at it : the only dress I own.

           I bought it after I saw Dean glance at a girl in the street during the last hunt. It is the kind of dress I thought I'd never wear, I actually never even thought of wearing one in my life. The dress the girl wore was a little too sexy according to me, even slutty. Women should dress like they want to, but I wasn't ready for that super short red bustier dress, with boobs everywhere calling for attention.

           Yet, I have to become that girl, that's the whole point. If Dean likes his women bundled up in skinny dresses, so be it.

           I sight, looking at the girdle I have to wear to put that dress on, I empty my lungs and compress my stomach the more I can. Taking the dress, I hesitate, maybe this is too much.... But this is the prize to pay if I want any chance that Dean would look at me ; tonight I'm going to be that girl.

           The dress is simple but very sexy. Black taut fabric hugging me tight, with a cleavage like a bra, and straight straps, useless because the dress is so tight it holds me. I look at myself in the mirror and sigh, I'm not enough.

           I put makeup, just mascara and lipstick, and right now I have trouble thinking I don't look like a whore, but I try to remember those girls Dean likes wear more makeup and even sexier closes, so...

           A knock.

"Y/n ?" Sam says. "If you don't get out of this bathroom, Dean will be drunk before we reach the bar.

           Shit, the short dress is so tight that my panties are showing.

"Yeah, go to the car, I'm ready !" I state through the door, taking off my panties.

I have no underwear that would be good with this dress... It is short, but not too much, and it's tight, so no one will see anything when I sit. I look at myself in the mirror and decide I just won't wear panties. I take my black leather jacket and leave the bathroom trying to hide I'm shaking.

 ***

           When I enter the garage, Sam and Dean are sitting on the edge of Baby, with Led Zeppelin playing. The girdle is hurting me but I stay straight, trying to look casual.

           The two men's eyes widen and I have no idea how I am supposed to understand their look but I try not to think of it. I give them a shy smile, like I was begging them not to judge. I was waiting for a comment or anything, but they just stay totally silent.

           In the car I don't know how to sit, I always put my feet on the seat but there is no way I can do that now, so I just stay there, held upright by this awful prison compressing my ribs and stomach.

           Dean checks on me on the rear-view mirror, his face totally neutral, like he was hiding whatever he is thinking... A few months ago, I would have made fun of him, I would have asked him what was wrong with me, I would have told him to look at the road -I always did that when I caught him staring at me in the mirror-, but now, I just look down.

           Being sexy is also feeling sexy, the woman on the video said. I'm not really the kind of woman that feels sexy, but I could try. The problem is, each time I try to focus on sexy things to make this work, I end up thinking of Dean, of when his beautiful hands land on me, of his smell and his shoulders, of his mouth... And in the end, I'm felling more horny than sexy. I guess not wearing panties is kind of sexy...

 ***

           The bar is not too crowded but loud, the sound of pool balls shocking on each others, and the manly laughs of men drinking alcohol. Tugging at my dress, I look around to see if any girl could catch Dean's attention : maybe that girl at the bar, but she seems to be with a man. People are looking at me, I'm not used to it, I feel like my lack of underwear is written on my face.

           When he passes behind me, Dean puts a hand on my back, sending a shiver all along my spine. He always does that, but I'm usually wearing real clothes.

"What do you want to drink sweetheart ?" he says and I hesitate.

Alcohol is caloric, I can't really afford to drink it. After a long hesitation, I decide a whiskey would make me forget all those eyes on me.

           Taking the first sip of the amber liquid, I close my eyes. This taste reminds me of some good memories when Dean and I stayed in the kitchen to talk, slowly sipping and smiling at each other.

"Pool ?" Sam asks pointing the other side of the bar with his beer bottle.

"Yeah I don't know" Dean looks down, making me wonder... He always loved pool.

"Come on Dean !" I smile raising up, the evening is supposed to be about saving my friendship with him.

He frowns like something was hurting him, his beautiful mouth forming a pout, his dark green eyes searching my face. I can't read him. He doesn't look at me like he always did, but not like he looks at those girls either. My smile fades and the air becomes thick.

           He gets up slowly and brushes past me when he walks to the pool.

"Okay, but you stay with me" he grunts.

I follow him and notice eyes are moving with me. I know what's happening : I must be embarrassing him, that’s why he acts weird. I swallow hard and watch him take cues, the muscles of his jaw are clenched.

"So Y/n... This dress..." Sam whispers close to my ear. "Is it just to make Dean mad or is there a guy you want to go home with ?"

My heart stops.

"Dean ?" I just say searching his eyes, but he laughs. "Why..."

I can't finish my sentence because Dean gets close to me to give me the cue he prepared. His handsome face still pretty stern, he offers me to start.

           The air is still thick and Sam's words turn in my head, bouncing in every directions, banging in my head like a lost bat. What does that even mean ? Dean must be disappointed in me, maybe little a big brother wouldn't want to see his sister wear a slutty dress... Maybe what he meant was that, as Dean wanted a friendship night, dressing like I'm waiting to leave them for a one-night stand is annoying. I don’t know who I am anymore, or how I am supposed to behave.

"Y/n..." Dean calls me from the other side of the pool. "You never lose at this game, even against me... Are you okay ?"

"Yes I..."

Pretty girls don't win against the man they want, they make them feel strong and all those bullshit that polluted my brain. I'm distracted and I have no idea what to think again. Right now, I just dream of becoming the old me again, slap his ass when I win just to mock him, make him pout, drink like him, swear and get rid of that awful pain on my ribs.

"I just need another drink" I finally chose to answer. "Whiskey ?"

He nods in a frown and I leave toward the bar.

           When I order a drink, this time, the bartender looks at me, and even if it's not the same place and the same man, I can't help but think it has something to do with how I look tonight.

"There sweetheart" he smiles and I shiver at the nickname I only heard from Dean's mouth. "Tell me... Those guys ?" he points his chin to Sam and Dean.

"What ?" I glower, completely forgetting the have-a-flirty-smile-all-the-fucking-time rule.

"You know… are you with one of them ?" he says with an actually kind corner smile.

"No" I state and his grin spread to his whole mouth.

He is cute, dimples on his soft face, dark caramel-colored skin, warm black eyes highlighted by thick black curled lashes. And the softness on his features finally make me give him back a smile.

"Good because I couldn't fight any of them" he chuckles with a hint of shyness.

I chortle lightly at how right he is without knowing it. I search his face; he seems sincere and kind, there is something calming about him, no violence, no pretention.

"Hi" a man appears behind me. "Can I buy you a drink ?"

I turn to him, confused, and see in the corner of my eyes that the bartender is looking down.

"No" I smile. "Thank you but I already have a drink."

The man sighs and leaves, muttering something that I probably would hate to hear ; and a few months ago I would have made him repeat.

"Daryll" the bartender says.

"Y/n" I state.

"Let me offer you this drink..." his charming dimples appear again. "It's rare enough to see a beautiful young woman ordering whiskey.”

For the first time in a very long time, I could actually picture myself spending a night with that guy and just this feeling is already amazing : It’s like I was free, my heart belongs to Dean but, if he doesn’t want me, maybe I could at least lend my body to a kind man. I look down at my glass and forget that he hits on me just because of the dress for an instant. Daryll is really cute and smiling to him is not an effort.

"Are they your brothers or something ?" he asks, putting his arms crossed on the counter.

"No..." I turn and catch Dean's eyes but look down. "Friends."

"Oh..." he says with a pained look. "One of them is an ex or a crush ?"

I give him a sad smile, not knowing what to answer.

"Okay... Maybe you want me to leave you alone" he sighs but I shake my head, taking a sip of alcohol to swallow the lump in my throat.

“No” I give him a reassuring smile. “It’s not new… Don’t worry.”

But his eyes leave mine to look behind me with a strange expression, something weirdly close to submission.

"Y/n" Dean's voice calls me from behind and I freeze. "Can I just... Talk to you ?"

I take a deep painful breath and turn slowly to see him, his sweltering charisma emanating of him, and just like that, my calming feeling of being able to see myself kiss -or more- Daryll fades. Dean eclipsing the entire world.

"Talk ?" I raise my eyebrows.

He just nods so I glance at the cute bartender.

"I... I'll be back" I say with no joy and he gives me a polite but disappointed smile.

           Dean starts to walk and I follow, looking at his shoulders, afraid of the discussion coming. He doesn't stop anywhere in the bar and leads me outside. It’s still warm ; I look up to see the stars shining behind the feeble lamppost light.

“Y/n” he turns around to face me, his bow legs lightly spread like he needed to be hitched to the floor. “What is that ?”

I can’t read his body language.

“What is what ?” I mutter, ready for reproaches.

“You know every man here is trying to find a plan to bring you home…” he grunts.

“Well each time you go somewhere, it’s the same…”

He crosses he arms looking up while he takes a deep inhale. An overwhelming urge to cry strangles me and I decide to leave, opening my purse, I start looking at my phone to call a cab and walk toward the side of the bar.

           Dean grabs my arm firmly.

“Where are you going ?” he asks, still pretty stern.

“I just want to go home, De…”

But I can’t finish my sentence because he pushes me against the wall, both hands making sure my shoulder touches the concrete. And before I can register any of what’s happening, his lips meet mine.

           Taking a deep inhale by his nose, he crushes those plumb lips made of dream on mine and my body reacts in a thousand ways. Pure electricity roam my skin and muscles, my heart seems to grow twice his size and his beatings fasten so hard my own blood is making me high ; every erogenous part of my body takes fire and a hot slick drips between my thighs instantly.

           I don’t move but Dean cups my face and kisses my mouth again, gently taking my upper lip between his. Parting my lips slightly, I feel his tongue graze me. I close my eyes and let him kiss me, he bends his head on the side a little and invades my mouth like he could only breathe through me.

           I could stay like this my whole life, completely lost in the perfect feeling of his face so close, in the taste of him… But he’s eager and his hands leave my cheeks to rub my shoulders and down my arms. I didn’t know my body could feel so intensely…

           A moan escapes me and his lips leave my mouth suddenly, letting it wet and swollen, open and burning. His nose grazes my ear, sending shivers run all over me, and he starts leaving open mouth kisses along my throat.

           By the time his hands reach my waist, I’m shaking. His fingers are like conquerors, winning every battle, pushing boundaries. They go down my ass and squeeze it strongly, crushing me to his own waist.

This is happening.

           My inner walls clench at this thought and my head falls back, only held by the concrete. He goes lower, catching the hem of my dress, slowly pulling it up, his nails scratching the back of my thighs. Another moan.

           When my dress is just under my intimacy, he harshly grabs my legs and carries me easily, encouraging me to wrap them around his waist. I do.

           He doesn’t take us far, just turning on the side of the bar, where the light of the lamppost doesn’t go, pushing me against the wall, his hips eagerly crushing his erection against me. His lips claim me again and, when they do, my body finally allows me to move.

           I grab his neck and scratch the back of his head, rolling my hips against him. That craving I endure since I know him finally about to be satisfied. He groans in my mouth.

“Fuck…” he bites my lip, his hips joining the movement of mine, and through the rough fabric of my dress and his jean, his hard length press on my sensible clit.

“Anh!” I cry out, clinging to him. “Oh… God” I inhale, the girdle blocking my lungs in a pain my brain just registers as pleasure, because each of my cell is illuminated with it for now.

“Y/n…” he whines, his teeth teasing my pulse point.

           My hands dare going lower, slipping inside his collar to feel the intoxicating move of his upper back muscles. The circle movements of my hips makes my dress slip higher and when my folds come into contact directly with his crotch, sweat breaks through my skin.

“Oh fuck…” I moan, my hips starting to shake.

His hands grab my ass to rub me more against him and I can notice his fingers searching my panties.

“No panties Y/n…” he states in a growl, bending to bite the part of my boobs accessible on my cleavage. “You’re soaking my jeans sweetheart.”

I nod and tug at his hair to dig my tongue between his perfect lips again. His hand falls between us and scrape my inner thigh, at the closeness of his fingers, my walls clench again, like it was trying to catch him. His fingers finally reach my folds and slip between.

“Dean !” I cry out. “Dean… Dean… God… Dean !”

My legs are spread wide to cling to him, so when his thumb find my clit, his middle finger encounter no trouble to reach my entrance, caressing it and pushing on it.

“Pleeease…” escapes my lips in a wail and he smiles in the kiss.

           Torturing me, his finger keeps pushing on my entrance without really entering me and I have never felt so empty. I’m pathetically trying to come closer, but that’s impossible.

           The tip of his middle finger finally pushes inside me and my pussy flutters. His free hand come up to grab my hair, I gasp but he doesn’t hurt me, he just tugs firmly but slowly at it to have access to my throat. He sucks a hickey on the side of it, and I let him mark me like I was his. I am, really.

           His strong finger enters me in one go, making me choke in ecstasy. He doesn’t wait and slips another, grunting when he pushes deep.

           I have dreamed of Dean since forever, I have pushed my own fingers inside of me thinking of him… But nothing could have prepared me for this. I’m soaking his hand, nothing ever made me that wet ; and when he crushes his hips on me in a low moan, making his digits go deeper, I can’t help but come.

           I’m silent, my lungs crushed by their prison, my blood burning in my head and cleavage. Gasping for air, I feel my walls crush him and electricity shocks my whole body.

           A deep growl vibrates inside him. He takes his hand off of me a little too fast and I hiss. His trembling hand attacks his belt but it's too slippery so he changes hand, putting the wet one on the wall behind me, and the other between us to free is aching cock.

           When he pushes his clothes down a bit, I can’t help but look down, biting my lips. Here it is, what I crave inside of me all the time, precum nonchalantly dripping of it, red and swollen. Beautiful.

“Dean… Take me” I plead.

“Yes” he groans. “Yes…” he repeats for himself.

           He lines his length with my entrance and I can’t help but moan and pant, still looking down to see his length disappear slowly inside me. When he pushes in, it’s harsh and faster than I had anticipated. A sharp pained pleasure makes me cry out loud.

           The hand on the wall finds my mouth and crushes on it to silence me. In the deep inhale I take through my nose, I can smell myself.

           He’s big. For a second my heart panics, like I couldn’t take him, but my walls flutter and while he doesn’t move, I have time to adjust to him.

“Are you okay ?” he pants in my ear, tickling me with his breath.

I nod despite his strong hand holding my face.

           He doesn’t wait longer, withdrawing almost completely before he powerfully pushes in again, making my eyes roll in my skull. A loud scream is muffled by his large palm taking half my face.

“Fuck… Y/n… How can you be so…” but he doesn’t finish his sentence.

Grunting like a wild beast, he starts thrusting in me like he had waited for it as much as me. His powerful body carrying me like I weighted nothing. My ribs hurt but I don’t care at all because it can almost feel his cock between them. It’s like he was everywhere.

I love you, I think loud. Just because I’m used to say that when I think of him.

“Y/n…” he moans, and the hand on my face becomes so strong I think it could bruise my jaw.

I can feel his own pleasure, the sweat on his forehead, the shakes on his chest, the pleas in his groans, and the throbs of his cock deep inside of me. I grab his ass, slipping my hand inside his jeans to dig my nails in it, encouraging him to take me harder, even if I don’t know if I can take harder, simply because I never had it.

           When his thrusts turn to hard beats of his hips, I scream in his hand and my toes curl in my shoes.

“Fuck ! F-Fuck ! Fff…” his voice is intoxicating.

Fireworks explode everywhere in my body and I’m quite sure this is an orgasm until the real thing strikes like a lightning.

           My stomach contracts like I had a cramp and my thighs squeeze him stronger than I thought possible, my walls milk him and my head is spinning. I have never felt a pleasure so intense and tears soak my face.

“Oh G-G-GOD !” he cries out like he hadn’t anticipated the intensity of my orgasm at all.

           He stills deep inside of me and empties himself in a wail, grabbing my jaw brutally and clumsily to crush his lips on mine. His hips start to thrust lazily after he had stilled totally and his behavior changes. He wipes my tears, gently kisses my cheeks and rubs my neck like he was trying to erase the marks his body roughly let on me.

           My brain starts to register what’s happening and I look at him, amazed by his beauty and the feeling of him. I didn’t think it would be possible to love him more…

But, when I can’t help but smile to him, the look on his face hits me like a hundred punches in the guts.

He already fucking regrets.

No flirty smile. Not even a kiss.

Regret.

What was I thinking ?

           After Heaven, it’s like I was thrown in Hell. I push on his lower stomach to make him withdraw, and he does, my feet reach the floor again. Not looking at me, he puts his now soft cock back in his pants, closing his belt in a disapproving shake of his head.

           I bite the inside of my cheek so hard I can taste blood in my mouth. The world is spinning. His cum is dripping out of me, along my thighs and I look down to see it. Grabbing my purse on the floor, I take a tissue from it and wipe my thighs, an intense feeling of shame making me nauseous.

           He watches me struggle with it and offers me to take the tissue to throw it away with a movement of his hand. I’m so stupidly in love with him, I have the paranoid feeling he just wants to take that back from me… I give him the tissue and he wipes his thumb when cum reaches his skin.

“Are you okay ?” he asks, like I could be.

I nod looking down, tugging at my dress to hide this body I now definitely hate.

“I didn’t hurt you sweetheart ?” he insists.

“No Dean…” I find my voice.

“Good” he states with that serious low voice of him.

“I want to go home” I say faking a casual tone.

“Sure” he nods. “Let me get Sam and your jacket…”

He gets closer and puts one of those usual friendly kisses on my temple.

I did it. I made Dean want me. But this victory just really doesn’t feel like one…

(To be continued...)

__________________________

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Tags are open (Some tags don’t work even if I tried everything, I’m sorry)

[bluupxels]

Check In Tag ✔️

thanks for tagging me kit @simmancy !! and i tag anyone who wants to do this that hasn't gotten tagged yet!

Why did you choose your URL?

my favorite color is blue and i like the word pixels, i spelled it like that bc im quirky 🤪

Any side blogs? If you have them name them and why you have them?

@bluupxels2ccfinds, @bluupxels3ccfinds, @bluupxelsccfinds are all my cc finds blogs, i have them for me really just so i can keep track of things. i also have a “secret” blog @s4towniemakeovers, that i made bc i just really love townie makeovers and wanted a place to be able to look at them all, its not super active as of now but its fun. @dbdccrecs​ is kinda my baby i love setting up themes and pages so i did all of that for it. its just a cc finds for our server DBD but im so behind on reblogging stuff rip

How long have you been on tumblr?

since 2011...... on simblr since 2012... [ben affleck smoking.jpg]

Do you have a queue tag?

i think i used to? i never really found having a tag for queues specifically to be very useful for me so i dont anymore. but i have always enjoyed when other people have fun queue tags hehe they make me smile

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

blogger’s glory days were coming to an end and i saw people there migrating to tumblr so i was like hey let me try! and im still here almost 10 years later... 😰

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i love rats irl but also ts3′s small animals are still one of my favorite features(?) in any sims game ever. atm it’s wearing a cowboy hat in preparation for cottage living which i refer to in my mind as country living bc farm = country

Why did you choose your header?

i guess its kinda like a cast list for my blog? the 2 saves i have that i consider active are the eclairs and wisps so i have the heirs of the current gen im on in each. i dont remember why i started putting my animal crossing simself in the header but i did so there’s also my island rep skdjskd i used to have the founders/heirs from my old saves too but some of those saves might never come back (or start) so i took them out but now it looks empty :/ 

What’s your post with the most notes?

this stupid fucking thank u next meme

How many mutuals do you have?

is there a way to check that? idk

How many followers do you have?

i actually hit 2.1k somewhat recently! 

How many people do you follow?

324 but my dash has been a little slow for a bit so ive been trying to follow more

Have you ever made a shitpost?

im litrally the human embodiment of a shitpost

How often do you use tumblr each day?

it really depends on how im feeling bc ill go through periods of spending the majority of my free time on tumblr in some way (this is kinda how ive been lately) but then i could go days without checking it at all

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) i win every argument i get into, im an aries sun/cancer moon its who i am

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

i have all those phrases blacklisted actually 😀 1 bc i hate being told what to do, 2 it always seems performative

Do you like tag games?

yes!! i love talking about myself and the challenge ones are always fun even if i never end up doing them rip minor sim challenge

Do you like ask games?

see: above; but also i love talking about my sims bc i think about them a lot and all their lore ig doesnt always make it on here. i have a bad habit of “i’ll save this for later” and then i never get back to it 😅

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

babes i screamed when these happened....

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

bestie vibes only!!

[americangodstalk]

AG fanfiction: Technical replacement

This fanfiction was made to try to link together the technical boy of the novel and Technical Boy from the television series (taking inspiration from the graphic novel and the deleted scenes shot for season 2, the scenes of what is theorized to be “Game Boy”  - non-official name). Hope you’ll enjoy!

The technical boy popped a handful of chips in his mouth, flushed them down with an energy drink, burped and returned to his game. He didn’t need to eat or drink, of course, but it would have been stupid not to. The technical boy wasn’t the kind to deny himself anything. He was powerful, he was rich, he was young and new. He could have anything he wanted. And the extra-rush of sugar certainly helped him focus. It wasn’t just a game he was playing, it was THE game. The game played simultaneously on all the computers and televisions throughout the United-States. A complex and ever-changing game, with an almost infinite number of levels and too many combos and moves for anyone to remember. Anyone except him. He was very good at remembering things. 

For a moment his vision went blurry and he had to pause the game. He chewed on a few gummies, hoping it would clear his head. He didn’t know why, but recently he felt... somehow tired. When concentrating too much, or thinking too long about something, he would feel... out of breath. Hot. Sluggish. He hated that. 

He took off his hoodie to evacuate the extra heat ; he couldn’t even zip it anyway. He had put on too much weight. A few years ago, he would have been called “overweight” or “fat”. Now, if anyone had seen him, qualificatives such as “obese” or “enormous” would have been more fitting. He didn’t mind it much: after all, he did not truly had human organs, it was not blood that was pumped through his veins - nor did he mind the blooming of his youtfhul acne, turning his face into a true keyboard. He was just annoyed by how heavy he felt. Filled with so much stuff... food and wires, plastic and soda, disks and arrogance... He barely had space in there. He was forced to expand, if he did not want to explode. 

He abandonned his stretchpants and XXXL polo to put on a purple dressing gown and black slippers. The walls of the room were purple too, and slowly turned into shades of blue and cyan. The technical boy licked his lips, thinking he needed to smoke something, but ultimately decided to continue the game. Just one or two more levels. He took a joystick out of the piles of NES, Ataris and Playstations rising beside his chair. RESUME PLAYING. 

The virtual landscapes melted in a confusion of phosphor dots. A few distorted shapes passed through the screen, and suddenly the obese kid found himself looking at an episode of the Golden Girls.

“Hi! It’s me! Media! How are you doing?”

“I was doing fine until you arrived.” he bitterly noted. “What are you doing here?”

“What does it looks like? That I’m here to pick up daisies?” Dorothy answered. “I came to see you of course! I came to tell you goodbye!”

“Goodbye?”

“Oh, honey, I am so sorry about your retirement!” Blanche added. 

The technical boy processed the information.The walls, now green, turned to yellow.

“What kind of fucking virus has bugged your glitter-brain? I’m not retiring anywhere!”

There was a laugh track. Dorothy smiled:

“You are, honey. Your show has been cancelled. Word around is that your replacement is already coming. Many felt it. Straigth from the land of silicon. But don’t feel bad. Think of it as an extensive makeover.”

“This is illogical! This is fucking...” He rose up from the chair, glitching with anger. “I can’t be replaced! I’m not some sort of old, rusty railroad! I’m in every home! So many of them are throwing their life over me! I am the future! I am... fucking binary!”

There was a zoom on Sophia.

“Picture it. America. Beginning of the 21st century. A puffed-up frog thinks himself the biggest thing because he offers people sex, food and exercise without them having to actually move their lazy bums out of their couches. But as time goes by, the same people realize that he is just as slow and bulky as them, lagging and dragging behind, plus quite ugly to look at. Their words, not mine. They realize that they can do better. And bam! A new suitor! Someone thinner, faster, digital, intelligent - again, their words, not mine.”

The technical boy clunched his fists and felt something in his eyes. It couldn’t possibly be tears. The room was now a dull red. There was a smell of burning wires - but it didn’t come from any of the boy’s cigarets. 

Rose smiled.

“You know, back in St. Olaf, we had a lot of different technical boys. So many little techies... There was one for when the peak of technology was washing dishes and cleaning up the dust. There was one for when hearing voices out of a phone was a miracle. There was even one when people spoke through little dots and lines passed by wires across the continent. And sometimes, during the Herring Festival, we would put them together in this sort of...”

“Rose.” Dorothy sighed.

“What I mean to say is... You’re not special. You’re a basic bitch. And soon...” Rose’s smile widened. “You won’t be anything at all. That’s what happens when you’re not careful and up-to-date.”

“Not everyone can stay as good-looking and relevant as me.” Blanche added while checking her hair. 

The technical boy left his chair and violently stomped towards the door, only to realize there wasn’t a door anymore. Just darkness. The dull red was going black.

“All we wanted to say was... Thank you for being a friend.”

The screen shut down. Not even credits. The technical boy tried to pierce the shadows, but couldn’t see his consoles or his chair. Everything was pitch black, nothing was working. He was all alone.

He tried to scream, but no sound would come out of his mouth. He felt his body slowly go stiff. He couldn’t feel anything. 

The black became something even darker - beyond any color humans were able to perceive. An infra-black.

He tried to remember what was the number of states in the USA, in which hotel he had last checked in, what was the latest model of computer they had released, which President abolished slavery, what medecine you should take for the flu. It was a last, desperate attempt to cling onto something, anything, as he drifted away. 

But he remembered nothing. In his head was just an empty, black void.

Darkness. In and out. 

Nothing. Everywhere.

...

 ...

And somewhere, far away, at funerals, an artificial musician completed Bach’s unfinished symphony. 

[yikesharringrove]

trans gal stevie coming up! mayhaps? after robin comes out stevie keeps thinking about girls and shit and she realizes that oh shit im not just super into girls; i AM a girl? and she comes out to robin and she helps him with transitioning and theyre still best friends (stevie was nervous to come out bc she was scared robin would think she was trying to get with her? but nope still gay besties!) (and pro tip; dont make stevie's deadname "steve" pls & thx)

“Hey, uh, Robin? Can we talk about something?”

Stevie was whispering to Robin from the breakroom.

“Why are you whispering?”

“It’s um, just come back here.” Robin rolled her eyes, but traipsed past her into the Family Video breakroom.

“What is this about, Dingus?”

“Sorry, I just, I need your advice.” Maybe Robin could see the way she was biting at her lip until it was raw, maybe she could feel the weight in Stevie’s gut. But her face softened, and she sat down at the round table.

“How can I help you?”

“I um, you know when we were talking, and, and you told me about, liking girls, and I explained how I like both, and everything?”

“‘Course. Never gonna forget all that.”

“Well, when I asked you how you, how you knew you liked girls, and you just said that, that you always have, it wasn’t ever something you had to think about, well that’s, um, that’s how I feel about, about-” She took a deep breath.

“Take your time.” Robin had a knack for knowing when to be real, to be serious and kind. She reached out to take Stevie’s hand. “Just breathe. Whatever you want to talk about, don’t force yourself.”

“I’m a girl. It’s like, it’s like what you said. That you’ve just always known. Somewhere inside me, I’ve always known, and a while ago, like a few weeks maybe, I was thinking about that, and I thought, I’ve always known there was something more to me, and I, I started calling myself other names, and, and calling myself a girl, and Robin it was like, it was like coming home.”

Robin’s eyes were wide, her grip still tight on Stevie’s hand.

“And I want to clarify, this isn’t because you shot me down, I’m not trying, trying to like, get with you-”

“Don’t worry about that. I know that’s not what this is.” She was holding on with two hands now. “Thank you so much for telling me. That was really brave. And I believe you, and I see you.”

Stevie let the tension roll out of her shoulders, let herself breathe.

“So, where do we go from here? What do you want me to call you?”

“I um, I think of myself as Stevie.” Robin cracked a smile.

“So you liked the Fleetwood Mac record I gave you?” Stevie flushed.

“You could say that.” She laughed loudly, pulling Stevie in to give her a hug.

-

The two of them began putting away cuts of their Family Video checks each week, stuffing them into a shoebox Robin kept under her bed.

Saving up to get an apartment somewhere, somewhere else.

It was dangerous for Stevie to come out publicly here, dangerous for her to transition, live her life as she was.

So everyday she put up with parents that called her their son, and people around town that still thought of her as someone else.

And it took almost eight months, but they did it, they fucking did it.

They drove to California and didn’t bother looking back once.

-

“Okay.” Robin had Stevie by the wrist.

They had barely been in California for an hour and Robin insisted they go shopping.

She stopped in the dress section, rifling through racks. She pulled out a few selections, muttering to herself.

She held up a pretty light blue dress to Stevie.

“What do you think of this?” Stevie looked at it.

“Yeah that color would be pretty on you.” Robin rolled her eyes dramatically.

“Not for me, Dingus. For you.”

Stevie’s brain shorted out.

“Sorry, what?”

“The whole point of getting the Hell outta dodge was so that you could do this, wear this.” Stevie took the dress in her hand, ran her fingers over the soft linen.

“Get me to a fitting room.” Robin grinned at her.

“Atta girl.”

Stevie had her eyes closed.

She had put the dress on with her back to the mirror.

It’s not like she had never worn a dress before. She used to go through her mother’s closet when she wasn’t home and try things on, and Robin was very open with her own closet, but this is the first dress that would just be Stevie’s.

She opened her eyes.

The dress was simple, but it fit her nice.

It was soft, and wasn’t too short on her long legs.

And she felt fucking beautiful.

“Rob? You wanna see?”

“Of fucking course I wanna see.” Stevie smiled at herself in the mirror one last time before pushing open the curtain.

Robin was waiting for her outside the fitting room. Her eyes brightened.

“Oh Stevie, that’s perfect.” She fussed around with it a bit, adjusting the way it sat on her chest, muttering about need to get you the right underwear.

“I wanna wear it outta the store.” She didn’t really want to go back to her jeans and t-shirt, bought by a mother that still called her the wrong name.

“I mean, we’re getting you a whole new damn wardrobe today. So I don’t see why not.” Robin was leading her through the store, pulling out more outfits, tossing clothes at Stevie until she had a fairly heavy pile in her arms. “We can find you some shoes after this. Some little sandals and bright sneakers and cute heels, all of it.”

Stevie eyed the denim skirt Robin had just thrown down. It was tight.

“Whoa, Robin hold on a sec.” She turned to Stevie, her smile fading a bit. “Look, first of all, I’m already so damn tall, I don’t know if I should wear heels, and second of all, I’m not really comfortable with, with tight stuff until I get on hormones and stuff. Until my body changes more.”

“Well, if you’re uncomfortable with something, then that’s fine. But fuck it! Wear heels if you want to! Some girls are tall. Doesn’t mean they can’t be damn tall.”

“Look, it’s just, I’m worried that people will just, they’ll see this tall chick with no hips and broad fucking shoulders and just, just know.”

“Some girls have broad shoulders. Some girls don’t have hips. Doesn’t mean they’re not beautiful fucking women. And that’s my word as a lesbian.”

Stevie laughed, loud and bright. Robin just threw another jacket on the pile.

“Okay, start trying shit on. I’m gonna raid the lingerie department I read some girls use Spanx to tuck. They said they’re easy to get and hold everything in place really well.” Stevie choked on her laugh.

“Wait, you read?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to come into our makeover montage blind. I found some magazines and newsletters written by transgender women for transgender women. There’s tips and stories, and all kinds of shit in there. You can look through ‘em if you want.”

Stevie was stopped dead in the aisle way.

“You-you did all that, for me?”

“’Course. You’re my best gal.”

Stevie dropped the pile of clothes right on the floor, grabbed Robin and pulled her close.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“Hey, I just want you to be happy. Whatever that means.” Stevie released her, swiping quickly at her eyes.

She gathered up the clothes on the floor, following Robin to the lingerie section.

“So, what does it mean? To tuck?”

Robin pulled a rolled up magazine out of her bag, slapping it into Stevie’s chest.

“Read up, Darlin’. I don’t know how helpful I can be with that one.”

[greasepaint-and-glitter]

The futures priceless babe

TW: alcoholism, abusive parenting, panic attack

Ethan Green was 16 the first time Lex put eyeliner on them. It had always been a long running joke between the two of them that Lex would have been a hot dude and Ethan the prettiest girl. So they had put Lex's hair in a ponytail under a hat and given her a fake emo dude fringe. She'd laughed her ass off and taken a whole bunch of shitty pictures before turning to Ethan and saying "Your turn". 

They'd protested and tried to wiggle away but Lex, not one to give up easily, had pinned them down and to the best of her ability drawn shaky eyeliner on them. They'd complained the whole time but then something on Lex's face changed and they stopped. 

"Holy shit Ethan, I know this was a joke but you look really good" 

"You're kidding me. Me? Look good? In makeup?" 

"See for yourself" 

Lex pointed at the small mirror above the sink and Ethan went to look. 

"Holy shit". Lex was right, they did look really good in makeup. They looked different. But a good different. And it made them happy in a way they couldn't explain. 

Later that night, when they were back in their own house and the eyeliner had been safely washed off to avoid endless questions from their dad, they did some googling. They learned a lot that night and fell asleep happier than they had in weeks. 

They come out as non binary a week later.

--- 

The second time was different. It had been about 6 months since then and nothing had changed. Lex and Hannah came round a lot, school was boring, they smoked, they laughed, things were normal. Ethan pretended not to notice that both of them were getting thinner. They pretended not to see the bruises in the places Lex would only show to them. It was an unspoken rule between them that no one talked specifically about what was going on with their parents. It was always "mum's a bitch" or "dad's being difficult". But they couldn't ignore it when Lex and Hannah showed up at their place at 3 am in the pouring rain. 

Ethan had smuggled them inside, being careful not to wake their dad and sat them down in their room. Lex was frantic. She was all over the place, not speaking in full sentences and pacing around Ethan's room like she was trapped. 

"Lex. Lex. Lex!" She spun round to look at them. "We don't have to tell me what's going on if you don't want to but please calm down. Come sit on the bed, I'll get you and Hannah some clean clothes and then we can talk, yeah?" 

She just stared at them. Hannah was sat in the corner biting on her chewy necklace harder than they'd ever seen, staring into space with tears rolling silently down her face.

They didn't know what to do.

Luckily for them, Lex still had half a brain so she got Hannah her blanket and a pillow from Ethan's bed and laid her down on the floor where she was. Hannahs sniffles quickly turned to snores and that seemed to settle Lex a bit. She turned back to Ethan. 

"I'm so sorry" She came over to sit next to him on the bed. "Mum.. she.. I thought she was going to try and kill us E. She was so angry. I've never seen her like that before. She's usually... well she's usually a dick." Lex gave a sad laugh before continuing "But tonight was something different. She accused Hannah of stealing her vodka and I just couldn't stay there with her yelling and throwing shit and I had nowhere else to go and I'm so so sorry" 

Ethan stared at her. "You have no reason to be sorry. That's.. god Lex I don't even know what to say. How can I help?" 

"Hug me? Please?" 

So they hug. And the hug turned into cuddling, which turned into spooning and Ethan was almost asleep when Lex says 

"Ethan. Is that an eyeliner pencil?" 

That woke them up like nobody's business. They'd completely forgotten about it amongst all the chaos but they'd bought it yesterday and had been wanting to try it for themselves. 

"Um.. yes?"

"Why?"

"Why what?" 

"Why is the sky blue. What d'you think? Why do you have an eyeliner pencil?" 

Usually Ethan would be embarrassed beyond belief but Lex is smiling and after today that's such a relief that they just go along with it. 

"..to do eyeliner"

"On you?"

"Yeah" 

"Oh. Okay"

There's a moment of silence before Lex speaks again. 

"Do it for me?"

"What?"

"Put it on. I wanna see you in it." 

Something about that gives Ethan butterflies, though they'd never ever admit it. So they do. It's their first time putting it on so they're shaky and it comes out wonky but the look on Lex's face is worth it. For a split second she absolutely melts, her face just lights up and she looks at Ethan like they're the prettiest person on the planet. They feel their face go red and suddenly feel very exposed and awkward. They laugh through it and call her a dumbass for wanting to see them in eyeliner at a time like this but deep down they're so happy.

Lex pulls them onto the bed and their heart is racing but she just says "I may be an idiot but you do look good in eyeliner". They fall asleep cuddling and Ethan wakes up the next morning with panda eyes and (after much teasing from Hannah) learns the importance of makeup remover.

--- 

It's been a year since Lex and Hannah moved in with Paul and Emma. Emma teaches Lex how to cook something that isn't pot noodle and Paul and Hannah just seem to get each other. It's basically the perfect life for them. Ethan is trying very hard not to be jealous but it's really hard when at the end of a day of being part of a happy family, they have to come back to a quiet house that smells of dust and is full of anger and fear. 

That's when they start drinking. They know it's wrong. They know but they can't help it. It starts off as a one off thing. One evening they've just had enough of everything. They know they should call Lex but it just hurts to see her living the life that they so desperately want. It's selfish. It's ridiculous. They don't care. So they drink. And it helps. To start with it really helps. They're a lot happier because they know they have an out. If things get too much they'll have a few (or more than a few) beers and it goes away. But then they start to want it more. It's almost constant. The need is just sitting there at the back of their brain. 'This would be more fun drunk' 'god this class is so boring, gin would help you make it through' 'ugh god Paul shut up and let me get home so I can get blackout'. That's when they know it's out of their control. And it freaks them the fuck out. But it's okay because they can still hide it. 

Until one day Lex shows up unexpectedly. She lets herself in as usual and comes up to Ethan's room. She knows something's off as soon as she walks in. The lights are off, the curtains are shut and Ethan is lying on their bed. To start with she thinks they must have just been tired and fallen asleep until she steps further into the room and trips over a bottle. Her heart stops. 

"Lex" 

"Ethan" her voice is shaky "What is going on here"

" 'm sorry lex. 'm not your mum, promise" 

She turns the light on. Their room is a tip. The floor is covered in dirty clothes, the underneath of their bed is full of bottles and their bed clearly hasn't been changed in months. But it's how Ethan looks that scares her the most. They're lying almost fully naked in their bed. Their skin is pale and their hair is greasy but that's not what's making Lex tear up right now. They've taken their eyeliner pencil and drawn all over themselves. Circled ever scar, every bruise, every place that they've been hit. They're covered.

The rest of that day moves like clockwork, robotic and stiff and uncomfortable. Ethan doesn't remember any of it but they're later told by Lex that Paul and Emma came over. They took them back to their house and sat them in the shower. Lex says that they tried to drag them to bed but they kept wanting to apologise to Hannah. They cried the whole time. 

--- 

Ethan has been sober for 3 months and every day they are more like their old self. Lex and Hannah start to trust them again and it feels good. They have bad days of course but on the whole they're doing a lot better. 

One day Lex invites them over to hers and the whole family sit them down. Paul speaks first. 

"Ethan. We know you've struggled in the past but you've been doing really well as of recently. We're all very proud of you." Everyone agrees and Ethan starts to tear up. "We've discussed it as a family and we want to adopt you" 

"What Paul is trying to say" Emma chips in "is that if you want to move in with us you're more than welcome to. We can't officially adopt you because you're 18 but if you want to get out of your house, god knows I'd want to, you can do that here."

"You're serious?" Ethan looks at Lex in disbelief but she just grins and nods at them. "Absolutely"

"Holy shit. Holy shit! Yes oh my god yes, please!" 

Lex leaps at Ethan and tackles them into a hug. "You don't have to say please you dumbass" 

Over the next couple of weeks they slowly sneak Ethan's stuff out and move it into Lex's room. The night they officially move in, Hannah gives Ethan a makeover to celebrate. 

---

They woke with a start. Rain was hammering against the window and the thunder was almost constant. Ethan froze. They'd always hated storms ever since they were a little kid. Something about them just made them stressed. Now they're shaking in fear at this fucking storm and Lex is right there. She's never seen them like this before. They start to panic. There's so much happening and the storm is outside and they don't want Lex to wake up and what if Hannah hears them crying and- 

They feel Lex's hand on their shoulder. Without meaning to, they curl into an even tighter ball and start sobbing. They'd hoped Lex would never see them like this, it's so fucking embarrassing.

"Ethan" 

They can't even look at her. She pauses, figuring out what to do.

"E, please, focus on your breathing. In for four, hold for four, out for four. Like you do with Hannah when she's struggling. Can you do that for me?" 

Ethan still doesn't move but they do what she's saying and soon they've calmed down a bit. 

"There we go that's better. Can you look at me?" 

They shake their head. Thunder crashes again outside and they flinch. It clicks in Lex's head. 

"Oh! Is it the storm that's bothering you?" 

Ethan almost starts crying again but nods. "I'm sorry" he mutters "it's stupid"

"Hey" Lex laughs gently "It's not stupid at all. C'mere, lie down. It's just a storm it's not gonna hurt you" 

Lex grabs Ethan's new eyeliner and doodles on their arms to calm them down like Emma does for her when she's having a bad night. Later on, Ethan will remember what it was she drew and get a tattoo of a tiny little hand drawn house with two little stick figures in the garden.

They lie together in the dark for a while. Every time there's a roll of thunder Ethan scootches closer to Lex until they're basically spooning her. She turns round so they're face to face and even though the storm hasn't calmed outside, all Ethan can think about is how close she is and the feel of her breath on their neck and they want to kiss her so badly it hurts. So they do. And she kisses back. And it's not perfect because Ethan is still half crying and Lex is way too eager but they're both so happy. They fall asleep that night with Ethan's head on Lex's chest, listening to her heartbeat. Ethan never worries about another storm again.

---

The day they move into their own apartment makes them both cry. Emma tells them about a thing her sister used to do whenever she moved house and they decide to do it together, the whole family. They get out sharpies and Ethan uses their eyeliner and they write on the walls of the living room. Dreams, hopes, wishes, memories they never want to forget and moments they want to last forever. They all cry and laugh and at the end of the day they sit on the floor and eat cake in a room full of boxes and love. Ethan draws a love heart on each of them with the eyeliner and none of them rub it off. 

One day Lex will put eyeliner on Ethan on their wedding day and Hannah will call them both pretty. It will be one of their favourite memories, but that night, falling asleep with each other in their new apartment. That's the happiest they've ever been.

[oliviastan17]

Just a dream (5/7)

Warnings: 18+, all the fluff in the world, language, smut

Length: 3.6k

A/N: I am a nurse so this is way more medically accurate than what is needed for the story. I just started typing and all this nurse stuff came out (#nurselife) and I took a lot out but sorry if it’s too much. There’s nothing graphic though. I put a lot of gifs in because I don’t feel like I can accurately describe what I dreamt. I own none of them. DO NOT POST ON ANY OTHER WEBSITE! Please reblog and I love reading comments!

It took 2 months but today was the day. It was packing day. Your brother needed to drop Harper off because she had a fever and couldn’t stay at daycare. She seemed to be feeling okay after some ibuprofen and was playing with some toys with Sebastian (or so you thought) while you worked on packing.

You walked into your bathroom to find Sebastian sitting on the floor facing away from you and Harper brushing something on his face. Wait, is that my makeup brush?

“When did you guys come in here?”

“He’s almost ready,” Harper informed you.

“Ready for what?”

“The party. Auntie, you sit there,” Harper commanded.

“Okay then,” you said sitting on the edge of your bathtub. Harper had been really into makeup lately so you exactly what she was doing and couldn’t wait to see her masterpiece.

As Sebastian turned around you gasped, “Oh, Harper! He is so beautiful! You did such a good job!”

He had red lipstick covering his mouth and part of the stubble on his chin. There was charcoal grey sparkly eye shadow all the way above his eye brows and his cheeks were a bright pink. Sebastian just looked at you and smiled as he held up his hands.

“Oh, you did his nails too? They look amazing!”

“It’s your turn!” she exclaimed.

Just then your brother walked through your door effectively saving you from a makeover.

“I hear your daddy,” you said and then Harper ran out to see him.

 You and Sebastian followed and as your brother took in the sight of Sebastian and laughed.

“Hey kiddo! You feeling better?” he asked as she ran up to him.

“She had motrin at 4:30,” you informed him.

“Thanks Y/n,” he said looking around at all the boxes. “Man, it’s weird to see this place packed up. Am I seeing you before you leave?”

“Probably not. Did Mom call you to have you help move what I don’t take into storage?”

“Yeah, we’re coming on Saturday. Well drive safe. Call me when you get there.” He offered a handshake to Sebastian and said, “Sorry about all that,” he said referring to the makeup.

Sebastian shook his hand, “It’s no problem.”

Harper gave Sebastian a hug and then you knelt down to hug her. You didn’t want to let her go. “I love you forever.”

“Love you!” She said laughing while you kissed her cheek and then blew a raspberry making her laugh. You had tried your best to prepare her for not seeing you as often but you weren’t sure how much she actually understood.

Your brother came over to give you a hug.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done without you,” he said as he hugged you.

“Love you. Have Noah FaceTime me later okay?”

“I will,” he said as he turned and he and Harper walked out of your house. You closed the door behind him and Sebastian wrapped you in a hug. He was trying to say comforting things but as you looked up at him you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing.

“I can’t take you seriously when you look like that,” you said laughing. “There’s makeup wipes in my bathroom.”

“No, I think this is a good look. Get used to the new me,” he said leaning in to kiss you but you playfully dodged it. He had too good of a grip on your waist so you ended up with lipstick all over your face.

“You want to order in? I’m not taking you anywhere looking like that and you just ruined what little makeup I had on.”

“Sure. Whatever you want,” he said.

As he walked away you took a look around at all the boxes around the house. You were definitely sad to be leaving but you were also excited about your future. It was scary but it would be an adventure. Everything with him was an adventure. Even something as boring as packing was fun with him.

After one more day of packing, you did it. You packed up your car and drove (well Sebastian drove) to New York. The drive up went as smoothly as it could. Between his carpool karaoke and the games you created on the way it really was fun.

On the second day of the road trip your brother called you to inform you that Harper was put on antibiotics for strep throat and that she also came down with bronchitis. Great you thought as you remembered her coughing directly in your face.

Three days later and you were at the doctor for the same thing. Nothing was able to stop you from coughing so the doctor gave you some cough medicine. The good kind with codeine.

Sebastian was doing a great job taking care of you and went to three different stores to find apricot nectar because that’s what your mom would give you when you were sick. When he got home the first thing he heard you say was, “Oh my god, Chris! Watch out!”

Why is Chris here? He rounded the corner and found you on the couch watching Civil War stoned out of your mind.

“What are you doing?”

“That’s not your ass,” you said pointing at the screen.

He just laughed, handed you your nectar and went into his office.

His office was very close to the living room so he could hear every comment you made even though you were hoarse and could not stop laughing.

“Oh, that was so hot!”

“It’s not Bucky’s fault Tony!”

“Back the fuck off T’Challa!”

He finally gave up and walked out of the office and over to the couch. He lifted your legs up, sat down and laid your legs across his lap.

“I thought you didn’t want to watch?”

“I want to hear your commentary.”

“Hey, can you introduce me to him?”

“Downey?”

“No, Tom. Cause if I was 10 years younger…”

“Get out,” he said pointing at the door.

You laughed and grabbed his shirt to pull him closer for a kiss but then you stopped yourself.

“No, I don’t want to get you sick,” you said as he kept moving closer to you.

“I’ll take my chances,” he said before he kissed you. You fell asleep soon after.

Living together came easy. Everything was going great. You had found work doing some consulting for a production company and could mostly work from home. He had a few months until he started a new project so he was home. When you finished work you two would go explore the city. Some mornings you would go for a run, some you would stay in bed and just be together.

You hadn’t felt up to running the last couple of weeks. You just felt so tired but now you felt like you were gaining some weight because you spent the last 2 weeks being lazy around the apartment and eating crappy food. Today when Seb got home from his run and you were still laying in bed curled up he got a little worried.

“It’s probably just a stomach bug. I’m fine. I just need to rest,” you reassured him.

The next day you weren’t much better but you still got up and did some work in his office. Then the following day Sebastian wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Alright, that’s it. We’re going.”

“No, I’m fine Seb. Really. I promise I’m…” your sentence was cut off by you taking in a sharp breath as you grabbed your stomach in pain.

“No, you’re not. It’s been 2 days Y/n. Let’s go,” he said as he reached for your hand to help you up.

After a short cab ride you arrived at the hospital and were in with the triage nurse.

“Any chance of pregnancy? Last menstrual period?”

“I’m on birth control. They are really light if I even have one at all. I don’t really remember.”

After a ton of other questions and taking your vitals she brought you back into a room.

“Just change into this gown and the doctor will be right in.”

You rolled your eyes at the gown.

“Just put it on. Humor me,” Sebastian said.

“This is stupid. I’m fine,” you said but you had your hand resting on your stomach.

“Stop being so stubborn, babe. Just do what they tell you to.”

 “Hi, are you Y/n?” a nurse asked walking into the room.

“Yes,” you said as you sat on the bed. You weren’t going to put the gown on unless they absolutely made you.

“And your birthday?” she asked looking at your hospital bracelet.

“Y/b/d.”

“Okay, I’m Caryn and I’m going to get a blood sample and put an IV in. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the absolute worst, what would you rate your pain at?”

“Maybe a 6.”

“Is it constant or does it come and go?” she asked while getting the supplies out of the locked drawers.

“Comes and goes.”

You answered all of her questions. It’s been 2 days of intermittent cramping, no bleeding. You were tired and felt kind of bloated and were sure this was just a stomach bug.

The nurse drew your blood and put the IV in then walked out of the room. Sebastian stood up and leaned over to kiss your forehead. He started walking around the room snooping in the cabinets and drawers.  He pulled the otoscope down from the wall and turned the light on.

“What do they do with this?”

“Have you ever seen a doctor? That’s what they use to look in your ears.”

His mouth pulled up into a frown as he nodded his head. He put it back and then started to pull the covers for the otoscope out of the dispenser and placed them on his fingers.

“It’s like those me me’s of Chris with the fingernails.”

“God, my boyfriend is a 12 year old. And it’s meme. Not me me.” You knew he was just trying to distract you and it was kind of working because he was so adorable.

The doctor then came in the room and introduced herself.

“Okay, so we got the results of your tests back and it seems you are pregnant.”

“I’m sorry…I’m what?”

“Your blood tests came back positive for pregnancy. I’m guessing you didn’t know?”

You and Sebastian looked at each other in shock.

“No, I’m on birth control.”

“Birth control is only 99% effective so becoming pregnant when taking it is rare but not unheard of. Have you been on any antibiotics recently?”

“Yeah, like 2 months ago.”

“That could definitely be a factor as well. Some antibiotics lessen the effectiveness of birth control. Now you have had no bleeding so that is a good sign but I’m going to do an ultrasound to check on everything okay?”

Frozen in disbelief you didn’t answer so Sebastian did.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

You had stopped listening and weren’t sure when exactly when she left. Sebastian brought you out of your haze. Sitting on the bed he grabbed your hand and said, “Hey, look at me.”

“This can’t be happening. How did I not know?” you asked. As you looked at his face he seemed so unbelievably calm.

“Whatever happens, we’re going to get through it. We are going to be okay. I’ve got you, okay?”

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes.

“Yeah, okay,” you agreed.

“Come on,” he said as he pulled you into his arms. He lifted your head up to kiss you.

“I love you.”

“Love you.”

The doctor came in bringing in an ultrasound machine and you laid on your back. Sebastian was sitting in his chair next to your bed and was holding your hand between his and resting them under his chin.

As you turned your head and looked at him he smiled and said, “I’ve got you.”

You forced a smile. The room was quiet with the lights turned down and you were holding your breath for what seemed like an hour while the doctor started the ultrasound. You were too scared to look at the screen so you just stared at Sebastian.

“Okay, so based on the measurements I would say you are about 7-8 weeks along. If you look here, this is the amniotic sac and this is the baby right here,” the doctor said pointing at the screen. You turned and looked at what she was pointing at. “And this flickering here is your baby’s heartbeat.”

You stared at the little moving black and white form on the screen and you brought your free hand up to your mouth while Sebastian let out a breath and kissed the hand he was holding.

“Is the baby okay?” Sebastian asked the doctor.

“I would say so, yes. The heart beat is strong. You’re still going to want to go see an obstetrician as soon as you can but I think everything looks great here. Some women experience pain in the beginning of pregnancy because their body is preparing for the growing uterus so your pain is not unusual.”

You were ugly crying at this point but you didn’t care. You had gone from being in pain to being a mom not knowing if her child was okay or not to being the happiest you have ever been.

“I’m going to print some pictures for you and I’ll get you started on some prenatal vitamins. You can take tylenol for the pain. The nurse will be in shortly to take out your IV. Congratulations!”

“Thank you,” you said as she walked out of the room. You looked at Sebastian and started to say something but were cut off by him crashing his lips against yours.

“You have no idea how happy you just made me,” he said hugging you, then kissing you, then hugging, and kissing and all over again. You had never seen him this happy before. He looked like pure joy wrapped in bliss and covered with all the love in the world.

“Oh my god…Oh god. What if I’m not ready? Oh my god, I’m not ready!“ you started freaking out and panicking.

“Are you kidding? You’re going to be the best mom. I’ve seen you with Noah and Harper. You always know what to do and they love you so much. You’re going to be amazing. I have no doubts.”

“I have doubts! Me! I have doubts!”

“Y/n,” he said holding your face and looking deep in your eyes. “Let’s go home and I’ll tell you 1000 reasons I know you are going to be a good mom. And I’m going to tell you over and over until you believe me.”

His eyes always had a way of hypnotizing you and calmed you down.

“Ok,” you said as you wrapped your arms around him and he held you tight.

“I love you so much,” he said.

“I love you too. You better be right or I’m going to be so mad at you.”

It took him 2 days but he eventually convinced you. Then it was his turn to freak out. It was so nice of you two to take turns. He had been so busy keeping you calm and convincing you that you would be a good mom that he didn’t even think about what this made him.

“You know how I know you are going to be a good dad? You don’t give up when things get hard. You let Harper put makeup on you. You fixed her toy that she broke. You love me so you are obviously smart. You are so wonderfully caring and considerate. And your mom raised you right. You’ll know what to do by just being her son. I have no doubts.”

“None?”

“I have zero doubts,” you repeated as you put your arms up around his neck and kissed him. He had his arms low and around your waist. “We have 7 months to prepare. We are going to be fine.”

“You better be right or I’m going to be so mad at you,” he repeated your words back to you. Even when he is scared he is still trying to make you laugh.

With both of you finally done with your freak outs you decided to keep the news between just the two of you for a little while. It was sort of fun keeping a secret. You had both known for about a month so you were now 12 weeks pregnant and definitely starting to show.

You and Sebastian FaceTimed with your family and told them to which your mom cried happy tears. You and Sebastian went to dinner with his mom and stepdad and told them. They were thrilled of course. His mom told you, “Good luck with finding a name. Nothing goes with Stan!” You told a couple of your close friends back in Atlanta and they were sworn to secrecy as were Seb’s close friends.

They all had the same follow up question to the news: when’s the wedding? You never really gave Sebastian a chance to say anything because your response was, “I have bigger priorities right now.”

Everyone asked. Everyone except Chris. God bless him.

“Not drinking Y/n? Are you pregnant or something?” he asked jokingly when he met you and Sebastian for dinner while doing press in NYC.

When you said nothing and Sebastian just smiled Chris turned into a child on Christmas morning.

“No way! Seriously? I’m so happy for you! This is so great!” He stood up and hugged you and then Sebastian. “So I’m like the godfather right? I mean I’m the reason this is happening at all.”

“Yes, Chris you will be the one doing all the hard work,” you sarcastically responded.

“Well, Chris…it’s a great name. Something to think about,” Chris offered.

“Yeah, not happening. Sorry man,” Sebastian said

Dinner was spent catching up. You hadn’t seen Chris in at least 5 months and probably only talked a few times. Sebastian talks to him more. You and Chris were weird. You could work together every day for months and then not see or talk for months but you always picked up right where you left off.

After telling Chris 3 more times that he would not be naming his child Chris, Sebastian looked at you and asked, “You ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go. Chris…thanks for dinner.”

“I’m so happy for you guys,” he said giving you a huge hug and then one to Sebastian. “Hey, I’m back in New York in a few months so if I don’t see you before then just do me a favor. Promise me you’ll think about the name. Middle name would work!”

“Quick. Just walk away,” you said grabbing Sebastian’s hand and walking away.

Once home you went straight into the shower while he returned a call to his manager. You were in there for maybe 5 minutes when Seb walked into the bathroom on the way to the closet. As he walked in he saw you through the steam and the glass doors. Your hands were running through your wet hair and your stomach was beautifully plumped out with his baby.

When you noticed him standing there you simply opened the door and asked “Are you coming in or not?”

He immediately undid his belt and zipper and walked out of his pants while taking his shirt off. Stepping in to join you he walked you backwards until your back hit the wall. Despite it being a hot shower the wall was cold and you took in a deep breath as the temperature change shocked you. His lips were on yours while his hands were massaging your breasts as he leaned against you. You brought your hand down to stroke his cock and he sighed into your mouth.

He slowly moved his hands down your sides stopping at your hips and tightening his grip to pull you even closer. One hand continued to trail down your side to cup your ass and the other reached up to move your stroking arm up around his neck so you would have something to hold on to. With both hands on your ass now he lifted you off the ground and your legs were hooked around his waist.

Wasting no time he lined you up perfectly and with one thrust he was in. He gently moved his hips so he was moving in and out while his mouth was on yours. You broke the kiss when he began to speed up his rhythm and he buried his face in your neck. Your grip on his shoulders was getting tighter and he knew you were close so he didn’t hold back. Giving you all he had he felt you tighten around him as your back arched and his name passed your lips. He loved hearing you say his name and it took only a few more thrusts for him to come.

You brought your hands up to cup his face and kissed him as he set you back on your feet. He told you he loved you as his hands rested on your stomach. 

“I love you too. I’d love you even more if you went out and got me a cheesecake.”

“Whatever you want,” he said with a loving smile.

Next Chapter

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@superhero-missouri​                   

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[artificialqueens]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer), Chapter 5 (Branjie, Jankie) - Joley

ao3 link

Jan yawned as she woke up, limbs stretching as she sprawled out. Her eyes fluttered open in confusion - she was alone, but this was not her bed. But once she properly woke up, the memories of the night before came rushing back. And she had slept so well that night, her body relaxed in the wake of such an intense orgasm, comfortable in Jackie’s arms, there hadn’t been a thing she would’ve changed. But she was wondering where Jackie was – not that she would’ve gone too far from her apartment.

Without her contacts in, Jan had stumbled around the bedroom until she found clothes to put on. They fit a bit snugly, leading her to assume they were Jackie’s. But when she did put her contacts in and looked at the outfit, at the ribbed tank top and short shorts, she decided she looked cute and didn’t bother to change. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and made her way into the other room, smiling when she saw Jackie in the kitchen. “Morning.”

Jackie had thrown a large t-shirt on, one that hit just above her knees and covered the shorts she had on underneath. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and she hummed contently to herself until she heard Jan’s voice. She looked over her shoulder, her face lighting up when she saw Jan walk towards her. Of course, she recognized her clothes on the other girl, but she had to admit, she liked how they looked on her even more. “Hey,” she greeted, “sleep well?”

“Very,” she hummed, wrapping her arms around her back from behind and kissing her cheeks. “Oh yay, pancakes!” she chirped as she looked at the stove from over Jackie’s shoulder.

“Well, you did ask so nicely last night,” she cooed. “I’ve got syrup and butter in the fridge if you wanna grab that. Do you want coffee?”

Jan let go of Jackie to rifle through the fridge. “I’ll have a cup if you’re making some already,” she replied as she put the syrup and butter on the counter. “Did you know you don’t have to refrigerate butter? Doesn’t make sense, but apparently, that’s a thing.”

Jackie furrowed her brows. “But it’s dairy. How can you not refrigerate dairy?”

“It’s more fat than dairy,” she shrugged as she opened a couple of cabinets until she found the one with the plates in it, taking two out before closing them all up.

“I guess,” Jackie relented, loading the pancakes onto a serving plate and setting it on the counter.

They filled their plates and made coffee before relocating to sit at the dining room table, still talking animatedly about otherwise trivial and mundane topics. All the worry about things being awkward between them in the aftermath had long since dissipated, to the point where it wasn’t even registering to them anymore. They ate their breakfast, got changed, and Jackie walked Jan out when it was time for her to leave. It was as simple as that.

Jackie cleaned up and retreated to her room afterward, laying facedown in bed. She inhaled deeply, her sheets and pillowcase still smelling like Jan. She didn’t know what she had been so worried about, they got along great after having sex. Surely there was no reason why that couldn’t factor into a normal friendship, right?

——

“Okay, you can let go,” Brooke Lynn said to Vanessa, who was standing on the opposite side of the room, holding the end of a tape measure. “So, we’re looking at a nine by nine room, which is a little bigger than I expected, so that’s nice,” she remarked, setting the tape measure aside and sloppily writing the dimensions down in a notebook.

Vanessa nodded as she looked around. The walls were a basic, simple white and the floors were hardwood. They’d both come to the immediate conclusion that both of these were unsuitable for their future child. So, while they were waiting for an update from the agency they had been in touch with, they decided to dive right into the room makeover. “You know what we should do? Paint the wall with the window a bright color, and the rest like, a pastel version of it.”

Brooke tilted her head, trying to envision what her wife described. “That’s a really good idea. We get a lot of natural light in here, it’ll balance out.”

“Don’t sound surprised, I have good ideas all the time!”

“You sure do,” she cooed, wrapping her arms around Vanessa and kissing her pouting lips. “We’ll get one of those paint swatch books and you can pick out your favorites.”

Vanessa arched her brow, unsure if that was an implied promise or if Brooke was simply placating her to avoid conflict – she was well known for the latter, after all. “You’re gonna let me pick?”

Brooke offered a non-committal hum, raking her fingers through Vanessa’s hair. “We’ll talk about it, baby.”

“Yeah, yeah I heard that line before,” she rolled her eyes, but smiled and kissed her nonetheless. “What time is Katya coming to pick up the desk?”

“She said around noon, so I’m expecting about two-thirty,” she chuckled and glanced at her phone. “She’ll text or call me when she’s on her way.” She may not have been able to trust Katya to be on time, but she usually gave enough of a warning for her to adjust accordingly. Still, just in case, she would end up periodically checking to see if her phone would ring or she’d hear that familiar text tone.

Vanessa nodded. “You know, one of Katya’s freshman students is dating her niece,” she remarked offhandedly. “I think she’s Jan’s roommate.”

Brooke’s brows knitted in the middle of her forehead. “Really? I swear, everyone’s so connected around here,” she mused with a shrug. It did seem like every time she was introduced to someone, they already had a connection to someone else. And it was only ever like that in their department at this school, no other community she had been a part of had been so interwoven. There was something oddly endearing about it when she thought about it. Maybe that was why she was still so attached, why she kept coming back here.

“Dunno how, but I think it could be useful once we get back into that matchmaking shit,” she added. “Like, have someone on the inside.”

Brooke looked at her wife curiously. “Are you suggesting we get Jan’s roommate – who is also Katya’s student and by proxy, yours – to be our matchmaking spy? That seems… unethical.”

Vanessa shrugged. “Just spitballin’ ideas here.” It’s not like either of them had a pure ethical code that they had a strict adherence to, but she supposed it was for the best to just let the idea go.

As it turned out, Katya was only about an hour late, which was fairly impressive by her standards. “Alright,” she prompted once she located the desk that had been temporarily moved into the living room, “let’s load this baby up.”

The desk wasn’t too heavy – Brooke and Katya were able to take it outside while Vanessa diligently supervised and helped the other two get it into the van. It was a tight squeeze, but they made it work. “Shit,” Vanessa smiled with an exhale, “this is happening.”

“Are you okay?” Brooke asked as the three of them went back inside.

“I am, it’s just really hitting. But I’ve never been more excited about nothing in my life.”

Katya looked at the couple with piqued interest, sitting down on the couch. “Well, come on, don’t leave me in the dark here,” she jokingly chastised. “Tell me everything. What have you done so far? What do you have to do? Are you gonna have to meet with whatever parent gave up custody?” While Katya and her wife did have a child, they had gone the surrogacy route, as her wife had expressed a strong desire to do so.

“It’s so much paperwork,” Brooke said with a dramatic flourish as she dropped herself onto the couch. “I mean I get it, they want to be thorough, but still.”

Vanessa nodded. “We gotta do this thing called the ‘home study’. It’s a fuckton of meetings, interviews, and training sessions with the agency. Gonna take a few months to do all of it,” she added.

Katya looked positively riveted at the explanation. She supposed she had previously assumed it was just a marginally more complicated version of adopting a pet. “What do they teach you? Like, how not to neglect a kid?”

“Kind of,” Brooke replied. “It’s more like, understanding adoption, figuring out what we bring to the table as good parents, and stuff to decide what type of child would best be suited to us. It’s not like, we just walk into a room, look at a bunch of kids, and pick out the cutest one.”

“I mean yeah, when you put it like that, it is a human being’s entire life in play,” Katya agreed. “I think all parents should have some sort of ‘how not to fuck up your kids’ training. I’d take it in a heartbeat,” she added offhandedly.

Vanessa frowned and leaned forward, making sure she held Katya’s gaze. “Why? You guys are good moms, got your shit together, and whatever.” Sure, it had been a little surprising when she had made the announcement, but they both had all the faith in the world that she would raise her child – Brooke and Vanessa’s goddaughter – very well.

“Yeah, but wouldn’t you want a cheat sheet if you had the option of getting one?”

Brooke and Vanessa looked at each other, engaging in some sort of silent, telepathic communication happening between the two of them before they simultaneously nodded and answered, “yeah.”

Katya had a small, triumphant grin before moving on to her next question. “What type of kid are you hoping for? Is that an… okay thing to ask?”

“Yeah, I mean, we have to set some sort of parameters so the agency knows what to look for,” Brooke explained. “We decided to aim for the three to five age range, adoption rates drop off drastically at that point, and honestly, I don’t trust myself taking care of a newborn. “I said that race and ethnicity was a non-issue for me, but–”

“–But ideally, I’m hopin’ for a Latina, wanna have those cultural things to bond over, you know?” Vanessa finished, then added, “we also want a girl.”

Katya’s eyes were bright with enthusiasm for her friends. “I’m sure whatever child ends up with you is gonna be super cute and super lucky to have you guys,” she told them, then looked down to check her phone. “I gotta head out though, Priyanka’s babysitting, and I don’t trust her with Julia for more than a couple hours, especially if she brought Lemon over,” she said as she got up, then looked at her friends with a fond smile. “Oh, I remember when you two were in that phase. New love, obnoxious horniness. Ah, memories. Anyway, good luck, bye!” And with that, she was gone.

Vanessa moved to sit on Brooke’s lap. “You remember those days, boo? All that young, puppy love?”

Brooke smiled, wrapping her arms around Vanessa’s waist. “How could I ever forget? We were just so obsessed with each other, even though our communication was pretty damn bad at the beginning,” she laughed softly.

“What, like with the Juilliard girl?” Vanessa hid her face in the crook of Brooke’s neck as she giggled. “I thought I was so smart tryna make you jealous to get some rough sex,” she shook her head, cheeks still reddening despite all the years that had passed.

“Yeah, the one I was ready to murder,” Brooke recalled. “Little did you know, the best was yet to come,” she hummed as she aimlessly played with Vanessa’s hair.

Throughout their relationship, they had learned what felt like every little detail about each other, especially in the bedroom. Vanessa learned that Brooke was an exhibitionist that got off on riling her up in public, Brooke learned that Vanessa was a textbook brat that loved having her limits pushed. There was a solid chunk of time after their honeymoon that was dedicated almost exclusively to doing everything and anything they wanted to in bed.

“Been a while since we fucked like that,” Vanessa mused offhandedly. It was neither of their faults, there had been a time where they really couldn’t do anything but work. And they loved their work, and they felt comfortable enough with each other for it to never be a real concern.

Brooke frowned, holding her wife tighter. “I guess so… God, I hope we’re not falling into a lesbian bed death.” She caught the look on Vanessa’s face, the one where she was asking for an explanation without wanting to have to say the words. “It’s when a lesbian couple still really loves each other, but their sex life kind of… tapers off.”

Vanessa nodded in understanding. “Gonna have even less time once we bring in a kid,” she added, then shifted so Brooke was laying down and she was resting on top of her. “I don’t want that to happen with us, though.”

“Then we won’t let it,” she hummed, securing both arms around the smaller woman and leaning up to kiss her sweetly. “We’ll make time for each other, cram in all the sex we can get before we have to be on our best behavior. I promise I’ll make it good for you, okay baby?”

That was enough to satiate the newly-developed concern that had bubbled up inside of Vanessa. She knew neither of them ever doubted that their attraction towards each other was only matched by their love for each other, but just like any other couple, making time to remind themselves of that could only help. “Yeah, I know you’re good for it,” she chuckled softly.

There was a beat of silence before Brooke asked, “Do you think that’s why we’ve been trying to get Jan and Jackie together? To live vicariously through them?”

Vanessa chewed on her lip as she thought. “Nah,” she finally concluded. “It ain’t like that. It’s the nostalgia of it all, you know? It’s fun because watching people fall in love is fun, and sometimes people that are already in love can see that spark in other people.”

Brooke smiled warmly. “You know, sometimes I forget how prolific you can be.”

“I’m not prolific, I’m pro-choice.” Vanessa watched as Brooke struggled with the decision of whether or not to correct her. “I’m just fucking with you, babe.”

——

Jaida stared at Jackie with a deadpan expression. “You know you’re supposed to be the smart one, right?” she finally asked.

Jackie frowned, poking her fork against her food. “I don’t see what the big deal is. This whole thing was just about us being awkward about fooling around. Now we’re having sex, so everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t that be fine?”

The conversation hadn’t been going on for very long, but it was clear that Jaida was already exhausted with her friend. “The general rule of thumb for just fucking someone is that you don’t cuddle them while you sleep and then cook them breakfast in the morning. You do that with someone you’re tryna cuff,” she told her. “And if that’s what you wanna do, that’s fine, but you gotta own it.”

“I’m not trying to cuff her!” Jackie insisted. “I mean it, we have great sexual chemistry and we were driving ourselves crazy trying to ignore it. So, all we’re doing is not ignoring it. It’s healthier for us, otherwise class was just… weird. And I don’t want things to be weird with her.”

“You want me to believe that you got no feelings for her whatsoever, huh?” Jaida hadn’t even met Jan yet, she didn’t need to. She’s known Jackie long enough to know that she has never had a successful friends-with-benefits relationship before. Someone always caught feelings, and no matter how it ended, it was never good. Perhaps that was obvious, considering Jackie had been single for over a year, something Jaida knew she hated.

And that left Jackie quiet for a good few moments. As much as she overanalyzed everything else in her life, she didn’t want to do that with Jan. Jan didn’t seem complicated to her – she was vivacious and charming and seemed to know exactly what she wanted out of life. She had an air of whimsy about her that Jackie both admired and envied. “I’ve never met anyone like her before. I can’t explain how, but she’s… different. And I don’t know if it means I have feelings for her, I’m not at a point where I want to think about it.”

Jaida nodded as she listened. Even if she wasn’t fully convinced in everything Jackie said, she understood where she was coming from. And she could’ve kept riding her about it, but she didn’t see much point in that either. “Is sex good, at least?”

Jackie nearly choked on the bite of food in her mouth, quickly washing it down with a swig of her drink. “Jaida!” she giggled her hand to her chest, clutching imaginary pearls. “But, um… yes, some of the best I’ve ever had. It’s crazy, when you look at her, you see this cute, doe-eyed girl, but as soon as she gets a little horny… shit, it’s a whole transformation.”

“You topping her or nah?” She was amused and surprised by how candid her friend was being and wanted to see how far she could push it.

This time Jackie blushed and bit down on her lip. “Oh my god, Jaida,” she shook her head and looked down. “There’s no other option but to top her, it’s pretty hot.”

“Damn, okay,” Jaida laughed. “So when do I get to meet this girl? Wanna find out who’s been living in your mind rent-free.”

Jackie shrugged as she finished up her lunch. “Stop by campus one of these days, I’m sure Brooke Lynn won’t mind if you sit in on a class,” she offered. “Just play it cool, okay?”

Jaida snorted. “You first, bitch.”

[h-hart]

The way to the royal “haven”

practice challenge ((I’ve combined all the prompts here haha))

“Okay, everyone. I’m off now!” I cry as I grab my bag from the counter.

“Wait, what? Lunch’s ready!” Mom says, before sticking her head out of the window and yelling “BOYS LUNCH!”

“I told you I’m going to a concert today.” I say as I watch my dad and brother walk into the house with their hands full of soil from farming.

“Well, when you said concert, I wasn’t expecting you to leave before lunch!” Mom replies, shooing me out of my way as she pushes her son and husband to wash their hands. “You can’t survive the day without lunch! Especially if you’re gonna scream your lungs out at the songs.”

“I will eat along the way.” I tell her. She puts the pot down on the table and turns around to look at me.

“Haven Hart. I will not have this behavior of yours. Yes, I know girls go crazy over a singer and will try to get there as early as possible to catch a glimpse of him or something. But you will not do that! Finish your lunch first.”

“But Mom! I’m 20 years old! I’m not a baby anymore!” I argue, glancing at the clock in annoyance. I’m gonna be late. My brother must have noticed my annoyance and urgency and he gives me a sympathetic look.

“What about,” Hardin begins as he helps Mom with setting the table. “You pack this delicious pasta into a paper box and let Haven take it to the concert so she can fangirl while she eats?”

I nod hurriedly in agreement and give my mom puppy eyes. She sighs.

“Fine, but since you made the suggestion, you’re packing her lunch.” She states as she slaps a paper box into his hands. He rolls his eyes and stuff some of the pasta into the box lamely. After doing so, he hands me the lunchbox and I give him a grateful smile. He rolls his eyes again, mouths you owe me and I give my parents a kiss on the cheek and run off.

Now, I’ve never been one to lie to my parents, so I didn’t. It’s just that when I said I’m going to a concert, it wasn’t exactly the big expensive pop concerts they imagined. It’s a formal concert at the Hudson Royal Concert Hall, where Angelo Hyson will be singing a collection of songs from different musicals for the entertainment of a rich couple’s anniversary. And I most certainly did not get invited to the party, I was there for Angelo.

Angelo.

I sigh happily as I whisper his name. Angelo has the most angelic voice. While I have never been a big fan of musicals and opera and all that, the moment I heard him sing Music of the Night, I fell. Hard. I was there with Hardin, delivering some of the produce to the kitchen and Angelo was rehearsing. And being the lover of dance I am, my body started swaying and moving accordingly. He caught me from across the room and he came to talk to me and bang. That was it. We fell in love.

After a 30-minute walk, I finally made it to the hall. I look around to see Angelo busy talking to some guy in a suit, so I decide that we can talk later.

Here’s another thing I didn’t tell my parents. I was also here to perform, to be Angelo’s dancer.

Why didn’t I tell them? Simple. I’m supposedly a farmer, a four. But Angelo and being a dancer, is a five.

Which is why I have to put on a mask while performing.

But I don’t care, because for the next hour or so. I would be surrounded by love - dancing and Angelo.

----

“Hey.” A voice whispers into my ear as I pack my bags after the performance. I smile at the voice and turn around to place my arms on his. He returns the smile and kisses me gently. “How’s my favorite dancer in the world?” I only smile in response and touch my lips against his again.

“I almost couldn’t get here in time!” I laugh as I fill him in with what happened. When I finish, I look at Angelo to see him frowning.

“What’s wrong?” I ask softly, hating to see him sad.

“Have you read the news?” He asks with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “It came out just now and I overheard some of the people talking about it. The prince just broke up with Evie.”

“Wait, what?” I reply with widened eyes. “But why?”

He shrugs in response.

“Well, okay. But you’re sad because the prince broke up with Evie?” I push, not understanding the whole situation.

“No.” He sighs as he pulls me into his arms. “It’s just that their sudden break up reminded me of how precious and lucky it is to be able to be with the person you’re in love with.”

I smile at his words and snuggle into him happily.

“Which is why I want to know if you’re truly truly happy with me.” He says after a slight hesitation. I widen my eyes and push away from him to look at him.

“Are you crazy?” I ask him. “I love you! I would do anything as long as it means I get to be with you.”

“But I’m a five. I can’t give you the life you’re having.” He reasons. I roll my eyes, having heard him say this a thousand times.

“We had this conversation last month! I thought I reassured you I don’t mind that.”

“Yes, but hearing you talk about hiding us from your parents…” He trails off with a frown on his cute and hot face. I place my hands on his face and stare into his eyes, searching for, I don’t know, something. But all I can see is love and pain. Pain at the thought of me having to be a five and not being able to tell my parents about us.

“Okay, well if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ll tell them.” I declare with a courage I never knew I had. But love gives you courage. “No, let’s tell them. Together. If we’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together, we might as well do this together.”

“W-” He begins before he is interrupt by a kiss from his angel, me.

“Nope. you’re not gonna say another word on this. They are my parents. I call the shots.” I announce, getting up to grab my bag.

“N- now?”

“Yes, now. I’ve never been more sure of anything. Let’s go.”

----

And that’s how I made the second worst decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.

To say my parents disliked Angelo and I would be an understatement. My mother screamed and my dad almost beat Angelo up. When Angelo left to make it home before the curfew, the screaming did not die down. And that whole night my mom and I screamed at each other, my dad kicked the soil and my brother tried to stop him, only to get a yelling from my mother about how Hardin let “your sister go into a dark path, making the worst decision of her life.” I was thankful we own a farm and live in the middle of it, or else the neighbors would definitely think I murdered someone.

And so the night went into morning, with my mom yelling about how I’m being stubborn and stupid and not giving other boys a chance. And my dad banning the two of us from making any more deliveries, which Hardin managed to slip out of as he argued that he would never have to marry down. He also argued that we needed the money as our farm wasn’t doing too good and my parents didn’t have the time and energy to do the delivering.

Sometimes I wish I was a boy instead.

Oh and that early morning, a sleep-deprived me made the worst decision in my entire life. To show my mom that I really love Angelo, I made a snarky comment about how even if the Prince were to show up at our doorstep to ask for my hand in marriage, I would still choose Angelo. And my mom told me to prove it.

And then because I’m stubborn and thought I would never be that unlucky to get chosen, I applied for The Selection.

Fuck.

And then I got chosen to represent Hudson.

Fuckity fuck fuck.

====

The rest became some sort of a blur to me. Thus, I shall be recapping the events that happened afterwards in pictures and short sentences. This is all still surreal to me.

The send-off:

It was a bit awkward, but hey, I played my part correctly and smoothly so there’s that. The Hart siblings took one last photo before I headed to the Selection.

Plane ride:

I put on a face mask right as I left Hudson, so I didn’t have to explain my weirdness.

I’m gonna miss my family so much. I changed into a nice pantsuit for the plane ride as I wanted to feel more comfortable. I was the last to arrive and was introduced to Brooke, Clara and Tavi. It was really hard to not talk to all those pretty girls, but I couldn’t. I told them I was sick and they became instantly concerned, with Clara cutely offering me some medicine. I declined politely.

I also used my phone to type out the things I want to say so I didn’t have to say them out loud in a weird voice. I missed my real voice. We chatted a bit, with me awkwardly writing things on my phone.

And did I mention they offered champagne on the plane???? Any other time, I would’ve grabbed one. Or two. Or more.

As the plane took off, Tavi, who was next to me, announced she was gonna listen to some music.

“Haven, would you like to join?” She asked me. I smiled and nodded.

“I do have a very mixed taste in music so you’re in for a treat.” She told me as she offered one of her earphones.

And then before I could stop myself. I winked. What. the. Hell. was. I. Doing.

Luckily no one seemed to notice.

Makeover:

That was the scariest and weirdest experience in my entire life. I have never had a makeover in my entire life. So, I simply dismissed them all and showed them pictures of Haven Hart, the prettiest farmer in Hudson, to prove to them that I can do the makeover to myself. And luckily, I got out of the interview, by once again telling them I’ve simply lost my voice.

But lemme just tell you, there were so many pretty and hot girls in the women's room. And wow, this must be a real heaven for the prince. Talking about a rebound, eh? Gotta take some points from him.

And finally, everything is over and I’m finally in the safety of my own room. I get out of the ridiculous dress, heels and makeup, before taking a long nice needed bath.

And then I take out my phone to call the only person in the world that I want to talk to right now.

h.hart

Oh, how I long to finally be able to be myself.

-----------

((A mega shoutout to Pia, Simone and Kat for the lovely rp!! @brookelynnsanders​ @tavi-hayes​ @clara-choii​ THANKS!!))

[sameteeth]

NOT to be found family on main BUT pls consider.. lucy adopting/parenting the lost boys after max gets killed

the boys all survive, albiet with injuries that take a while to heal bc they were all injured w Vampire Killing Intent. theyre all laying around in the hotel when lucy marches in, first aid kit in hand and sam being dragged reluctantly w her. micheal tags along too. lucy is horrified at the messy ass cave but doesnt clean bc she knows its not Her Space, its the boys and she respects their privacy/independence.

marko is doing the worst, since the boys could only give him rudimentary first aid before rushing off to attack micheal/the frog bros. he’s feverish and delirious and thinks lucy is his mom. she cradles his cheek and pets his hair as she patches up his chest (marko is trans and lucy is like Hell Yeah Another Trans Son). the stake missed his heart but his lungs are fucked now bc getting stabbed as a vamp is Not Great.

dwayne is next- he’s got a big scar on his back and nerve damage from the electrocution. maybe some cool lightening scars once he heals up. he has more trouble w memory now bc yknow. brain damage. lots of flashing can possibly trigger seizures for him, and he has issues with movement disorder type things- tics, uncontrollable shaking, etc.

paul is just absolutely covered in burns, and his hair is falling out in chunks bc his skin is peeling off. think acid burns? his skin gets a little melty and he’s got some bad scarring, esp in his face once he heals. he takes the longest to heal just because he can’t do much of anything without tearing his skin up bc its super delicate as it grows back. its a very frustrating process. hes normally a cheery dude but he kinda falls into a funk trying to recover.

david is similar to marko in his injuries. he’s got some lung issues afterwards but he mostly heals ok. he’s more guarded around lucy, and he heals quicker bc hes the lead vamp and has been around the longest/is stronger than his brothers.

other than marko who passes out after calling lucy mom and crying a little theyre all REALLY nervous around her, theyre all like dogs baring their teeth when they cant even stand up. but lucy just goes about her business and tries to help them. sam is scared shitless of the vamps but lucy is 100% fearless and has NO issue telling david off for trying to get up when he should be resting. she brings them animal blood (courtesy of the widow johnson) with straws stuck in it like caprisun and sits there holding an actual caprisun and drinking it with them. she plays pauls records when he asks but usually picks stuff she recognizes as opposed to newer music that sam and micheal like. dwayne finds it kinda nice, bc she likes groovier/more chill music rather than super harsh or fast music. micheal apologizes to david and david apologizes (sort of) to micheal. david is a very prideful dude after all, but he does genuinely feel bad for ruining the emerson’s house/lives because his crazy ass “dad” wanted a make-believe family.

and just bc i hate max- he turned david against his will after seeing him as a kid and thinking “hm id love to be a father but alas i am a vampire, guess i will stalk this abused child until he is adult-ish age and take him as my own!”. no one gave a shit when max took david since his family sucked. david was basically an impromptu parent for a ton of neighborhood kids and his siblings bc his parents were shit and didnt care about him- it was more of an image thing anyways. so he has all the Big Brother instincts but was forced to grow up too young and has trouble cutting loose bc of this. (ill get into this in a later post maybe?). anyways max took all the lost boys in against their wills/without their consent, which is why david doesnt ask micheal to join, he just gets him to drink the blood. which i always thought was fucked up anyways. david only knows vampires who were forced to turn (him and all the lost boys).

meanwhile star takes some time to recover away from the boys and regains her humanity a bit- she does love their little family, cobbled together out of a lot of desperation and a lot of love, but she needs some time away to think things over now that she knows it wasnt david who was holding her there, it was max. laddie is super worried about his big bros and goes completely nonverbal (normally he is semiverbal). star is worried about him and convinces lucy to take him to see the boys after the more gorey wounds have healed, bc although laddie has Seen Some Shit he is also a Literal Child and doesn’t deserve to be exposed to that. and now that he has a Genuine Adult who isnt a weird vampire looking after him, lucy can make sure he gets looked after and treated like a child. bc although the lost boys did their best, none of them are really Parents.

lucy backs off once the boys are more healed, but they end up spending a lot of time at the emerson’s anyways!! they help rebuild the house and clean up, since the plumbing got fuckin destroyed and the house is kind of missing a wall. grandpa is annoyed abt it but he puts the boys to work(at night ofc), since he’s crotchety but he’s also noticed that the missing/murdered people usually arent good people. paul loves to bake with lucy and dwayne loves to cook/try new recipes for people who will appreciate a fancy meal (hes secretly grandpas fav for the food only). paul also loves to bond w lucy over music and actually gets on well with sam- he’s got a slacker middle child vibe that sam warms up to eventually and they become super tight! marko and sam have a youngest-sibling rivalry (kind of) but it eventually fades from constant bickering into them tag-teaming whining at david or micheal or dwayne for whatever they want this time. micheal and dwayne vibe really well bc dwayne likes to spend quality time w people by sitting with them in silence, doing their own thing, and micheal enjoys just vibing w people since sam is loud and his mom always anxiously fills silence w chatter. nothing against her, but sometimes its a lot for micheal, so he enjoys just sitting with dwayne in silence for hours at a time.

marko realizes maybe 2 months after they recover that he called lucy mom and avoids the house for like a week out of embarrassment, but lucy just smiles and calls him her crafty animal son and pats his stupid mullet. he loves to bring her animals, especially birds since she has some experience keeping birds. they dont keep the wild animals but lucy does notice that more wildlife seems to come around the house now that the lost boys are visiting. sam and david have the funniest relationship bc sam is like “fuck you i fucking hate you” and david is like “my friends little brother foams like a rabid chihuahua when i come over pls help”. sam wont be rude to david bc lucy said be nice but he will also not Interact Unless Necessary so like. david will be like “hey! champ..! how was... school!” bc hes trying to be fucking nice but he hasnt interacted with childrne other than laddie in Years and sam will be like “good.” and they just fucking stare at each other while dwayne does ollies in the background until marko and paul roll in with scissors and bleach like “WHO WANTS A MAKEOVER MICHEAL ALREADY GOT ONE” and micheal is chasing them with tinfoil in his hair with a stuffed woodchuck in his hands ready to murder

[bapyess1r]

Amphetamine

WARNINGS: cursing, age difference, fluffiness

CHAPTER 3

Sam’s POV

I watched her saunter off into the kitchen with a lump in my throat and my mouth hanging open. She really was something to look at. I couldn’t believe she was James’s goddaughter. She seemed so different from them all. Before my thoughts could get any dirtier, the baby threw up on my shirt and began to cry rather loudly. “Ugh! Jesus buddy!” I switched shoulders and hurried to the bathroom to clean up then begin babysitting duties.

After about an hour, I had sat through…. so much. I sat through a tea party, I’ve worn a tiara, gotten a makeover, I’ve played with dolls, I’ve done the hokey pokey probably about ten times, and yelled at Mickey Mouse multiple times because he couldn't hear me the first time we gave the answer to 1+1. All with a baby in my lap or in my arms. Safe to say, the kids were happy and starting to tire out. “You guys hungry?” I asked them, starting to get annoyed by this little cueball Caillou. It was time for a break and for the baby to take a nap. The little slugger was already tuckered out in my arms. I stood carefully to place him in the crib in his room and grabbed the baby monitor, hooking it through the loop in my jeans and bounced down the stairs, two steps at a time.

I could see her through the opening at the bar and smiled at her bobbing her head to some music that played over her phone. I took a moment to get myself together before strolling into the kitchen with a proud grin. “One child down, two to go!” I said slapping the counter next to her. I washed my hands before getting ready to make sandwiches for the girls. I caught her eye for a moment and she smiled as if she were impressed.

“Well look at you…” she sang, patting together what looked like burger meat. I could smell the seasoning from here and I had to say….

“It smells fantastic in here.” I reached for the towel to dry my hands and I could’ve sworn I saw her turn a bit red. “That’s all goin’ on the grill?” I asked, being a bit nosy and opening a container with marinating chicken. The scent hit my nose and I almost wanted to cry. “My goodness…You can come abuse my kitchen anytime.” She giggle-snorted in response and I laughed a little bit too hard about it. “How much left you got to make?”

“Um...almost done with these here, then I got these kebabs to skewer and that’s all. Then in about an hour, probably right when I get done, Anais is gonna arrive AND Godfather James is gonna come home.” The poor girl still looked so stressed out.

“Well how about this… Once I make the girls their lunch, I’ll help you out with the rest of the food. When James gets back you can go change for the night.” I said. She looked at me incredulously and scoffed with a sassy smile.

“What makes you think I had an outfit?” She laughed.

“Call it intuition.” I fired back. She rolled her eyes so I defended myself with further reasoning. “You’re friend is coming, you’re gonna be around a lot of people, you’re all messy from cooking, of course ya got another outfit.” I snickered, laying out my entire logic for her. And she laughed with the sweetest voice. My ears started to heat up a bit and I didn’t understand how to feel about it. I don’t get like this with many women. I laughed nervously before asking her, “Now where’s the bread and your knives?” She nodded in the direction of the bread box and I scoffed. “Leave it to James to have a fucking bread box.” I laughed to myself. I’m sure she’s noticed by now but James was always a man that chased after the bougie and classy things in life.

“That’s what I fucking said. It’s much more practical on top of the fridge-” This girl was telling me all the right things.

“Exactly!” I expressed my agreement with much more passion than was intended. So to cover my embarrassment I started working on those peanut butter-jellies.

“I said I wanted a wall of mirrors in my room so I could practice my dancing, and I was gonna get a bunch of those cheap seven dollar mirrors and line them up… This man buys me a mirrored WALL. A whole wall!” She added.

“Ridiculous! Like why spend so much on that shit?” I nodded in agreement and we burst into a mischievous laughter. She punched me on the shoulder and shushed me with a giggle.

“He could come home literally any minute!” She giggled. ‘My God, she’s precious…’ I thought with what probably looked like a goofy grin.

“So you dance, huh?” I asked. I wanted to know more about this girl. I knew it wasn’t gonna happen overnight but I had to get the random stuff out the way first.

“Ballet, contemporary, hip hop, jazz. The good stuff. I wanted to be a dancer but it seemed the only job I could get- with all that god damn training- was a burlesque dancer.” She told me as she placed the new burger patties on top of the baking sheet in its container. My ears perked up at the word.

“What is that like….fancy stripping?” I asked, trying not to sound too excited but also impressed.

“Basically… I had my own number in the show and everything.” At this point, I could tell she was trying to get a rise outta me. And it was working. I cleared my throat before begging the question.

“What did you do?”

“Oh a little leather here and fishnets there…. A bit of pole work… I know a few handcuff tricks. I was supposed to be the bad girl. Set to some Billy Idol.” She told me as she finished the patties and closed the lid on the container. She hip bumped me on the way to the sink to clean her hands. I smirked at her.

“You’ll have to show me some time.” I said as cool as possible. She laughed aloud and set the containers in the fridge.

“In your dreams, Mr. Drake.” She said patting my back. But I knew for a fact I was gonna be thinking about that when I laid my head down tonight. That’s when I had an idea and a sly grin crawled across my face.

“If I sang Billy Idol during the set, would you do it?”

“Do what?! My routine?!”

“Yeah…” I shrugged my shoulders attempting to be nonchalant about it. She put her hands on her shapely hips and shook her head.

“Depends.”

“On?” I didn’t mean to but I definitely sounded more eager about it.

“How drunk I am by the time you play. I’m really excited for tonight if I’m being honest.”

“Me too. I missed playing with the band while I was gone. When the neighborhood kiddos hit the sack is when the real fun begins.”

We continued conversation as I briefly exited to give the girls their lunch and put them down for a nap. When I came back, I helped her skewer the kebabs and bombarded her with shameless flirting. From what I could gather, we were both starting to really enjoy each other’s company. Working with her was going to be interesting to say the least. In a few moments, she’d received a text from her friend that she’d be touching down soon and I took over making the last of the kebabs while she went and changed. I took a moment to myself to look at the contrast between where I’d been and what I was doing now. Absolutely simping over this girl considerably younger than me, so much so that I’m making kebabs for her. Not that I’m mad about it. I actually enjoy cooking when I have the time to do it. Despite the age difference, there was something about us that worked really well and I was kinda curious to see where it’d go. I voiced a surprised chuckle to myself, I could hear some keys in the door. Through the bar window, I could see James in all his Miami Vice glory. “Goddaughter, I’m home!” He shouted kinda gently before noticing me in the kitchen. “Sam! You’re back, my man!” He smiled, throwing his keys on the counter and patting me on the back with a strong hand. “Barbara told me you’d be here helping Talia with the kids.”

“Uh… yeah. I met her last night and let’s just say I owe her a favor. The kids are napping, they’ve been fed, Talia is getting dressed to go do errands and pick up her…. her friend…” The moment I mentioned her, Talia had appeared simply walking down the steps. Her body clad in a purple and blue tye dyed Rolling Stones tee, split down the middle so far it exposed her black lace bra and tight black leather pants hugging her every curve. Her hair done up all extra curly n’ fluffy and her lips glossy, two rhinestones in the inner corners of her big brown eyes. She had a bag on her shoulder and a pair of heeled boots in her hands. She smiled kindly at James as she descended that staircase.

“Hey Sam, eyes off my Goddaughter.” He said in a half joking tone as Talia lightly hit him in the chest with her hand. I could feel my face flush and I chuckled nervously.

“Yes sir!” I said with a sarcastic salute. She briefly locked eyes with me and winked before kissing her Godfather on the cheek.

“I’m on my way to pick up Anna. The kids have b-” She said sitting in the bottom of the stairs to lace up her rather high heeled boots.

“Sam filled me in, sweetheart.” James smiled as he kicked off his loafers. She looked me surprised and this time, I winked.

“Then, I’ll be off!” She kissed her Godfather on the cheek and waved at me as she strutted out of the home. I was left with James.

“Be safe!” I shouted kinda late after she left.

When I’d finished the kebabs, I had excused myself from the house in order to prepare for tonight’s show. Mostly to shower and exchange this Hawaiian shirt for a black one.

[oryu404]

Hopeless Valentine

[Link to AO3] Rogue swore on the name of every God he could think of that this was going to be the last time he’d ever take Yukino’s advice. She meant well, he’d never doubted that, but there were some things he was sure to be better off if he’d figure them out on his own. His love life was at the top of that list.

He supposed he should’ve seen it coming. All of their friends were either married, engaged, or expecting a baby. In short, they were all in serious relationships even though none of them had reached their thirties yet. He and Yukino had been the only ones left and they were fine with that. They even spent most Valentine's days together watching those sappy romance movies, armed with alcohol and snacks, laughing when the plot Rogue had predicted 5 minutes into the movie came true.

Silly, cliché, and totally unrealistic. Romance in real life was nothing like that.

He knew it was all going to change when he hung out with her one day. He could read it off her expression even before she had spoken the words. She had met someone. A young woman, tall, dark and gorgeous, who could perform magic in the kitchen, among other places. It was serious, and he’d been more than happy for her, of course he had, but now he had become that one friend.

The one with the dating history more tragic than the sinking of the Titanic. The only one who always showed up without a plus one, forever alone Rogue, and as he’d already feared his best friend was having none of it.

He tried to assure her that it was fine, joking that he’d just become the male equivalent of the crazy cat lady, but she shushed him and started a speech about how everyone deserved to find true love and that his was out there somewhere. He’d just have to find him, and the look on her face told him she’d made it her mission to make sure that he did.

He had reluctantly taken every single piece of advice from her so far, from letting her give him a makeover, to accompanying her and Minerva to the local gay bar and even getting a tinder profile. And every outcome had been a failure that exceeded the previous one.

After hours of shopping and trying out clothes that he didn’t feel comfortable in, he was finally able to convince her that his so-called “true love” would also accept him in a pair of nerdy glasses and a Star Wars hoodie. The obnoxious, loud pop music, the mixed scents of sweat, alcohol, and an overkill of body spray, and the lack of movement space caused by complete strangers brushing and grinding up against him were an instant reminder why he’d never been a fan of clubbing. And even Yukino had to admit that Tinder was a bad idea when he showed her the messages -and not to mention the pictures- he had received unsolicited.

Still, she had been able to talk him into what she’d sworn would be fun, and if it wasn’t there’d be no strings attached. The only reason he’d agreed on going speed-dating on Valentine’s Day was because she’d promised to get off his case after this. Besides, it wasn’t like he had something better to do anyway. He’d only have to spend about 10 minutes with each candidate, and he could just voice his opinion about them on the scorecard he was given. How bad could it be?

Bad was an understatement.

Out of all the guys that had taken place in the seat across him there hadn’t been a single one that made him lament the moment when the bell rang, signaling the encounter had ended. There’d been a man who must have been more than twice his age, one who was only interested in his cell phone, one who was so full of himself it surprised Rogue he still had room for the breadsticks, one who was actually in a relationship, just looking for “a playmate to spice things up a little,” and one who spent the full ten minutes undressing him with his eyes and wasn’t too subtle about his intentions during their conversation either.

Rogue was more than relieved when he was saved by the bell from that last one. He put on a forced and obviously faked smile when the guy got up and slipped him a piece of paper, winking as he mouthed the words “call me,” and moved on to the next table.

‘Don’t hold your breath.’

With a frown, Rogue turned to his scorecard, reviewing all the ranks he had assigned to his dates until now.

How interested would you be in a second date?

1: I can’t wait!

2: Willing to give it a chance

3: Maybe

4: Not my type

He added a fifth 4 to his list, scratching it into the paper as big and bold as he could without puncturing through it. He wanted to make sure there was no mistaking what his answer to this one was.

It dawned on him that there was only one more possible match left, and that made him both relieved and disappointed. Not that he’d had high expectations for tonight, he just thought it would be nice to have a click with someone again. His last relationship had ended years ago, and although he’d tried it a few times in college, one night stands weren’t really his cup of tea. Was he really that picky? Unlucky, perhaps? Or maybe this whole dating and romance thing just wasn’t meant for him?

“Hey, good evening!”

Rogue snapped out of his thoughts when his last date sat down, the number 8 was written on his tag. He looked…promising? At least he seemed to be well within an age range Rogue would say was acceptable. At first glance, he came off as friendly, and he wasn’t that hard on the eyes either. So far, so good.

“Hey, uhm…nice to meet you, I guess?”

I guess? Very smooth.

“Same! I gotta tell you, I’m not that good at small talk, but-“ the guy held up his finger to excuse himself and sneezed into a napkin, “sorry…”

“Bless you. And no problem.”

“So I’m not that good at small talk and I’m just going to be very unoriginal and ask you how you’d describe the perfect date?”

Very unoriginal indeed, Rogue had to agree, but it lent itself for a much more comfortable conversation than the ones he’d had prior to this. This was already going better than he had dared to hope for at this point.

“You’re going to get an unoriginal answer as well,” he admitted sheepishly, “I don’t really mind where I am or what I’m doing as long as I’m with someone I enjoy spending time with, but if I had to pick something I’d say dinner and a movie. Very basic, I know.”

“That’s fine, basic doesn’t automatically have to mean boring, right?” Mr. 8 waved to one of the waiters who was nearby, asking for two more glasses of wine after he’d noticed Rogue’s empty glass. He sneezed again.

“Right. Well since we’re already on a streak of being unoriginal, What do you like to do in your free time? ”

“Nothing special, just hanging out with friends, watch some movies, play some games. It looks like we’re both really good at being unoriginal,” he laughed, followed by yet another sneeze. He blinked a couple of times and then started rubbing at his eyes.

“Okay, so weird question, but do you happen to have a cat?”

“Yeah, I do,” Rogue nodded. “Would that be a problem?”

“Unfortunately, I’m afraid so. I’m extremely allergic to anything that has fur,” Mr. 8 got up, sneezing once more as he searched through his pockets. “I think I’d better take my allergy pills, be right back!”

He left for the men’s room, leaving Rogue to sigh deeply as he watched his departure.

“Sure,” he mumbled, filling in the final 4 on his scorecard right before the bell rang for the final time.

So that was it. He’d wasted a large part of his Saturday afternoon in a restaurant he’d normally never set foot in. At least the wine was good and drinks had already been included in the signup costs. And since he was now presented with two glasses of it, and doubted that Mr. 8 would be returning he’d resigned himself that he’d be wasting even more of his time here. He had gotten all dressed up anyway.

“Hi, mind if I joined you?”

Rogue was surprised, and more than confused when the seat at the other side of his table was suddenly taken. A spotless white button-up and a badge that had the restaurant’s logo and the name Sting on it told him it was one of the waiters who had been serving them. Dumbstruck, Rogue scanned his scorecard, hoping that it would give him any hint to what was going on, but all the blank spaces had been filled in by him already.

“…Now?” he questioned. He left the card for what it was and focused his attention back to his newly acquired company. “But…isn’t the event over already? And aren’t you supposed to be working?”

“The event is over and so is my shift, but there’s still half a Valentine’s Day left so I thought, since all of your dates have been kind of disastrous, I should make up for it. Something along the lines of…dinner and a movie?”

Rogue was speechless. “ Make up for it,” for him to state that with such conviction, as if he was going to be the redeeming factor of the train wreck that had been Rogue’s first- and decisively last- attempt at speed dating slash Valentine’s Day. Not that he’d even have to bring much to the table to improve the whole situation, as his -for lack of a better term- competition had set the bar pretty damn low, but the out-of-the-blue proposal was more than intriguing. There was a strangely irresistible charm to his cockiness, and good looks weren’t Rogue’s top requirement or anything, but fuck he was seriously cute.

“So… what do you say?”

Oh, right. He might want to answer.

“Uhm… sure?”

“Cool!” Sting chugged the whole glass of wine in front of him in one go, then started to untie the apron around his waist as he got up. “But not here though, my coworkers can be such a pain in the ass. Give me like five minutes to change and get my stuff, I’ll be right back!” he beamed, and just like that he was gone again.

Rogue stared off into space for what must have been a full minute, trying to process what had just happened. He pinched himself, and yes, he definitely felt that, so he hadn’t just made that all up and he was about to go on a real date for the first time in God knows how long. On Valentine’s Day. With someone he had just met minutes ago, without even a proper introduction.

On the one hand, he didn’t have much to lose, and it couldn’t get much worse from here. On the other, he found himself hoping he wouldn’t fuck this up, with no reason to explain this feeling that made any sense.

His wine met the same fate as Sting’s had, tossed back like a tequila shot at a frat party.

As he turned in his number tag and scorecard to the speed-dating event runners, panic and excitement were playing a game of tug-o-war with him, with no clear winner emerging from the battle until Sting came running through the staff door, dressed in plain dark jeans and a Star Wars hoodie.

“I hope you don’t mind that I’m horribly underdressed compared to you? If I’d known I would be going on a date after work I would’ve made a bigger effort.”

Rogue didn’t mind at all. He was thrilled to learn they seemed to have at least one common interest, and with a bright smile he replied what was supposed to be “You look fine, I wish I wasn’t wearing these clothes,” but because of his sudden excitement he tripped over the words and it came out as “It’s fine if you’re not wearing clothes.”

He felt his face heat up like a frying pan. How he’d managed a fuckup of this magnitude after just five fucking minutes was beyond him, but this would go down as one of those moments he’d still feel embarrassed about when it replayed in his head and kept him up at night.

It would be great if the earth could just open up and swallow him whole.

“Wait- NO, I didn’t mean-”

He tried to do some damage control but gave up when Sting burst into laughter, and against all Rogue’s expectations, he wasn’t the least bit deterred.

“Come on, let’s get out of here before the only place we can still get a table will be McDonald’s,” he grinned, linking their arms so he could lead a still rebounding Rogue towards the exit.

As he followed Sting out of the restaurant Rogue couldn’t help but be enthralled by this unforeseen development, and he wondered how Yukino was going to react to it.

Actually, no, that was a lie. He knew exactly how she was going to react to it. She was going to grill him, tease him, and pry as many details out of him as she could, and he had no idea if it was intuition or just wishful thinking, but he hoped he’d have a lot to tell her once he had fumbled himself through tonight.

[doing-allright]

you’re beautiful (roger taylor)

@doing-allright masterlist

word count: 1357 smut implied

firstly, GOOD LORD, did my heart break writing this. yes. yes it did. i am a slut for angst (and roger)

secondly, THANKS SO MUCH! i never thought my first imagine would do so well. i’m so grateful, honestly

thridly!! (very important, pay mind here) YOU ALL ARE AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND LOVED AND VERY WELCOME TO SLIDE INTO MY DMS WHEN YOU’RE FEELING BLUE (and also when you’re not, i love making new friends)

and finally, i hope you enjoy, darlings!! feedback and any ideas/requests are always vv welcome!! yours truly xx

Awaken by sunlight beaming through the window blinds you fluttered your eyes open. Small rays of yellow light were dancing on Roger’s face, a smile on his face as he nuzzled closer to you. You loved watching him sleep – he looked so peaceful and calm. With the band’s success skyrocketing after the release of A Night At The Opera, you knew touring wasn’t easy on them. There was no denying they all loved performing their music to thousands of fans and visiting places they’d never even dreamt of before. But nevertheless, you missed each other to death and the brief moments between tour legs were long gone before you knew it. Gently running your fingers through his blond hair, you smiled at him. These moments were when you felt most like yourself – moments spent with him. So peaceful, so unbothered, snuggled up against his bare body. It felt like pure bliss. As much as you didn’t want to leave his loving embrace, you knew you had to get up soon to make it to work in time. You’d tried to get a few days off to spend them with Roger, but it was high season and the amount of stuff you had to finish before next week was huge. You slowly got up from the bed, a small sigh escaping your lips.

“Why’d you stop?”

Turning around, you saw Roger had pushed himself up on his elbows. His hair was messy and his voice raspy, his eyes squinting as a bright beam of sunlight shone right into his face. While you looked like a downright mess early in the morning, he always managed to look as hot as ever. “It was rather lovely, y’know?”

“I’ll be right back, dear,” you replied, stepping into the en-suite. Leaving the door open, you grabbed your toothbrush and started cleaning your teeth. Throwing small glances at the mirror every once in a while, only to see Roger fall back asleep soon, his soft, almost inaudible snores making you giggle softly. Everything about him was simply perfect, the way he spoke, moved, smiled. His smile was so bright it could light up the whole world. The little thing he did with his tongue when he was laughing always made you giggle like a school girl.

Finishing up in the bathroom, you quietly closed the door behind you, now back in the bedroom.  Roger was fast asleep, his bare chest slowly rising and falling. Stopping by the bed for a moment, you pushed some stray hairs off his face, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before getting up again and sitting down at your makeup table. Your brother had crafted it for your birthday years ago. Although it wasn’t in the best condition, the white paint cracking on the edges and not so white anymore, you loved it. The sun was now up and high, the yellow light warming your skin.

“Hey, love.”

Almost through with your makeup, you nearly stabbed yourself in the eye with your mascara wand when Roger spoke up, startling you.

“Gosh, Roger!”

“Funny. That’s exactly what you were saying last night. Or, the more accurate word would probably be screaming,” he chuckled.

Not bothering to turn around and face him, you glanced at him through the mirror. “Funny, because to me, it sounded more like “Oh, gosh, Y/N! You’re so tight... Fuck, love, I’ve missed you so much...” Don’t you think?” you started mimicking sex noises while Roger snorted as he got up from the bed. With a shit-eating smirk plastered on his face, he walked up to you, resting his hands on your shoulders. Leaning down, he placed a kiss right below your ear and whispered. “Do that and you’re not going to make it to work today.”

“I wish it was that easy. You know I’ve to go,” you sighed, grabbing your blush box and brush.

“You know you don’t, love. Just stay,” he continued, dragging his lips down to your neck before you gently pushed him away.

“You know I can’t, as much as I’d love to. But I’ve got a shorter shift today. I’ll be back by around 4. Then we can carry on with what we were doing last night,” you smiled at him seductively. He took his hands off of your shoulders and sat down beside you, the stool wide enough for the both of you. Watching you primp your makeup, Roger spoke up again. “You know it’s not necessary, right?”

You frowned in misunderstanding. “What’s not necessary?”

“The makeup,” he said. Before you could open your mouth in protest, he silenced you, putting his finger on your mouth. “I mean, God knows I can not resist the red lips and winged eyeliner,” the man continued, now drawing small patterns on your hand with his. You scoffed. “I know you can’t.”

“-but you look just as stunning without any makeup, y’know? You really, really, do. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world. And don’t try and tell me otherwise, because it’s true. If anyone here had to wear makeup to look pretty, it’d probably be me. Perhaps you should give me a makeover.”

There was a hint of sadness in your eyes as you smiled at Roger, leaning into his chest. That did not go unnoticed by him. He lifted up your chin with his finger. “Hey, hey,“ he hushed you, a look of worry on his face as tears were pricking in your eyes. “What’s wrong, why are you crying, love? You look so beautiful. Did I say something? I mean, that was probably the sappiest thing I’ve ever said, yeah-“

You let out a wet laugh, small tears now rolling down your eyes.

“-look at me,” he said, firmness in his tone but his eyes as gentle as ever. You hesitatingly looked into his bright orbs, trying to blink the tears away.

“It’s just that… no one’s ever told me that before,” you quietly spoke up as your gaze wandered back onto the chestnut floor. Roger looked dumbfounded at first – his momentary confusion immediately turning into a look of hurt, anger and sadness.

“Are you joking?” he asked, trying to comprehend the words that had left your mouth seconds ago. You shook your head, quietly beating yourself up in your thoughts for ever even saying this. He’s going to pity me. And then he’ll leave me. He knows they were right.

Roger’s voice was almost desperate. “They must’ve been blind, then! Bloody hell, I’ve never seen a girl more striking then you! Remember the night we first met? At Fred’s place?”

Memories flooding your mind, you recalled the night you first met Roger. You were going through a personal crisis at the time with Freddie being the only person you could count on. Roger and Freddie were just hanging out, having a couple of beers when you stumbled into Freddie’s flat, your face red and puffy of tears.

“-and the moment I saw you, I knew you were the one. My girl. The love of my life. Even after bawling your eyes out you looked simply angelic. And not a thing has changed. Don’t ever think you’re not beautiful. If anyone ever tells you that, know I’ll be there, beating them six feet under. Because no one will ever tell my woman she’s not enough, because she’s everything.”

By the time Roger had finished his little speech, you were wailing. Sobs rocking your entire body, you were clinging to your boyfriend as if your life depended on it. He wrapped his arms around your body, soothingly running his hands up and down your back.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. You’re beautiful.”

A small whimper leaving your mouth, barely inaudible through the tears you were crying into his chest, you managed to whisper back. “I love you too.”

“Now, love, let’s clean up your face, shall we?” Roger smiled at you, softly petting your head. You chuckled, looking into the mirror just to see all your makeup running down your face, completely ruined by now. You kissed his cheek.

“Thank you.”