#like fr! i have spent my whole life just being like. something is wrong with me. and it makes a little more sense the more answers i find

[velvetures]

Hi!!! I saw your post about taking some requests so I thought that I'll give it a shot. If it's possible, could you maybe do a Captain Price one? I haven't seen a story about him yet on your page, so I hope that this request can finally add one to your masterlist.

So here it goes: A Price x virgin!reader one. I feel like he's the type of guy to be really gentle and slow when he realizes that the reader is inexperienced, mostly due to his calm and caring nature. But once they start to get comfy, he'll get kind of rough in some way? And aftercare, I just know that this man would be an expert at it. Would help in washing them up in a tub or even cooking them a meal after. I could see that he's also a sucker for cuddles and just being close to them in general.

So yeah, I really hope that you'll consider this request and possibly write something out of it. If not, that's totally okay!!

Side note: I just wanted to say that I love your stories and that it brings me comfort, too:))

I Knew, Sweetheart

A/N: I'm so sorry this is so fucking looonngg!! I just couldn't get it right and I ended up going for "better is more" in the hopes that it'll hide the god-awful writing. :( Anyways, please don't burn me at the stake. It's my first Price fic, and I've still not got his voice or character dialed in. Summary: Reader is Price's gf, and while they've been together for a little while... sex hasn't come up. Nor the fact that the reader is a virgin!. Reader goes about bringing it up a little unconventionally, and things progress. T/W: virgin!reader, fem-reader, NS/FW 18+ ONLY, p-in-v sex, fingering, unprotected sex (don't do that IRL), established relationship, a little bit of an age-difference?, cursing?, first-time anxiety?, aftercare, probably missed something else. proofreading is for people w/ friends of which I have none.

John Price set himself apart from most of the men that he often worked alongside when it came to matters of his personal life and the ways in which he operated. A lot of people would often make jokes, saying it was nothing more than his being an “old man” who couldn’t adjust to the newer ways of life. But fuck, he wasn’t that old when it came right down to it, and yes he liked going along with the traditional ways specifically when it came to relationships, at least when he had the chance to. He’d been a lot younger at one point, not seeing how detrimental his actions could’ve been affecting the women he associated with or spent a few hours in bed with just to leave without another word sent their way.

Captain Price knew he’d made many mistakes when the heart was involved. He threw away a lot of advice he’d been given growing up -some good and some bad- all because he thought he knew better or had enough intelligence to figure it out as he went. Much of that changed when he started realizing that he wasn’t fulfilled in the slightest. For a few years, he was bitter over the emptiness. Not understanding where it came from or how the fuck he could get rid of it. Unraveling layer after layer like a frayed pair of jeans, John kept questioning how he’d come so far just to be that alone. Praying his mistakes hadn’t destroyed his chances of finding a little sliver of humanity outside of his work to motivate him. Keep him sane in the most bitter of hours, and soft when everything and everyone else around him kept adding brick after brick into never-ending, emotionless walls.

Then you showed up out of nowhere, sitting on a barstool in one of the pubs he frequented when he had some time away from his work. Close to home and nowhere near busy enough to call a bar or club; John immediately thought you looked like you’d taken a wrong turn and wound up in an old man’s hangout. It took him a few hours of watching out of the corner of his eye to finally weigh the options of being shot down, or possibly making something out of a whole lot of nothing. His offering to buy you a drink led to taking a few puffs off of his cigar outside. From there he learned just about everything about you within the first few weeks of seeing you or calling here and there.

You liked to talk, a lot. Something John was thankful for since he developed a bad habit of just staring at your pretty face instead of listening like he knew too. Fuck it made him feel ten years younger. And that was something else that made your relationship feel unusual to the Captain. More than six years in age difference didn’t sound all that significant on paper. Yet it was more interesting than either of you thought it would be initially. Aside from just simple pop culture references and enjoyment of music and other low-stakes things, your lives were on different paces. John was stable… at least as stable as his work allowed for. While you’d finally got the job you’d been dreaming of, and hadn’t been working for a full year when you met him. Everything all together challenged John, and you as well, with figuring out what you wanted from each other. How you planned -or wanted to- go about making that happen. And if being serious was something that you shared an interest in.

A few months of going on dates and John walking you home was traded for him sharing half the dresser drawers in his bedroom with you. He was gone nearly all of the time, which put a damper on things but he liked having peace of mind that you were safe and in his home. Besides, it was a short drive from his house to your work and you could stop paying half your paychecks on rent and start saving it up for anything you really wanted. At least… anything John hadn’t already bought or given you. Well… there was one thing John hadn’t given you. And it began gnawing at your mind harder and harder every time he went away for a mission and came home without the slightest inclination to do more than give you a kiss.

John Price still hadn’t asked or hinted at wanting to have sex with you.

At first, you thought it was refreshing. Seeing a man old enough and patient to understand that sex wasn’t just given but earned. Yet every time you thought there would be a moment after a date or a ‘welcome home reunion’ where he’d finally bring up the topic, your expectations fell short. Plenty of excuses floated around your brain, including the more rational ones: he was just very respectful. While others were much more self-conscious and saddening: he was getting it somewhere else, or he could see that you weren’t experienced. The age-old struggle of being a virgin past the age of eighteen.

Too old for half the population, and far too young and inexperienced for the others. Sheltered didn’t describe you. You had toys and knew how to give head as well as having been on the receiving end. But going “all the way” eluded you by some miracle or curse. Looking at John in comparison to yourself was just as attractive as it was intimidating. You knew better than to think he didn’t know his way around the bedroom. He was just too smooth. Far beyond any man, you attempted a relationship previously. You wanted to think he respected you, but at the same time, waiting for much longer for him to make a move just felt like another eternity you lacked the patience and confidence to endure. So after a long night of overthinking and wondering how you could even go about bringing it up, you made a decision that when he got back home from his latest mission, you’d be the one to bring it up.

God your hands were sweating. He was supposed to have been home two hours ago and there was still no sign of his truck in the driveway or a single message from him on the phone you had gripped between your damp palms. Everything had been just fine all day, until the sun began to set over the hillside in the backyard, leaving you less than six hours away from John coming through the door. Worried didn’t even begin to explain how your stomach was tied in knots with a low burning fire in your throat. John had been nothing short of perfect -save for being gone so often- and you knew there wasn’t a single reason for you to be so overwhelmed at the mere thought of being an adult and asking him to have sex with you. Of course… You made up your mind to omit that you’d never done it before and just hoped the Captain would be too preoccupied with something else to notice.

Noticing the details quickly got turned around on you when the front door creaked open on its hinges and you hadn’t the slightest clue that John was standing halfway through the threshold with bags slung over his back and a small look of curiosity on his face. His pretty little thing, sitting on the couch with her arms wrapped around her bent knees and a deep stare somewhere far away from the both of them. He had to admit it wasn’t the first time he had caught you sitting with your eyes “comfortable” as you liked to call it; however, it was the first time he’d seen you wearing something quite that lacy for no damn good reason before.

Some kind of black, strappy, and frilly little number. It hardly left anything to the imagination, and John had to force himself not to go into deep thought about how you’d even got into the thing without instructions. It made your figure that much more eye-catching, and after staring at nothing but rain and mud for two weeks you were a sight for sore eyes. Even a Captain had to admit his biggest weaknesses to overcome himself and improve, but he wasn’t sure in that second if he could ever overcome -much less forget- how divine you looked. Honestly, he didn’t even know you owned it to begin with. But by the way, you kept spinning your phone in your hand, he had the vague gut feeling that you had something on your mind. A little more than dinner or fussing over the possible injuries he could’ve sustained while gone.

“Waiting on someone?” He asked lowly, trying his best not to startle you too much. Right away your eyes locked on his and widened. Almost like a little rabbit cornered by a fox and no hole to scurry into. He watched a flash of sudden panic overtake you and how quickly you reached for one of the throw blankets at the end of the couch to hide behind. Price chewed his tongue, forcing himself not to smirk at you at the moment. Wanting so badly to tease you a little bit for looking so sexy in that bodysuit, but acting nothing short of the little shy church girl getting kissed on the cheek for the first time.

“J-John,” Your voice sputters on his name a bit, forcing a smile to his face. He couldn’t help it after being away for this long without the chance to hear you even over the phone for a few minutes. “You’re home a little late.”

He nods, guilty. “Delayed flight. Weather kept us from movin’ out on time.”

Careful, he dropped his bags off at the front door without the slightest concern about how long they’d sit there. More important things were swirling around in his head. Trying to decipher if you were planning something and just backed out, or if you just needed a little bit of coaxing to not be so shy. Hostage negotiation wasn’t something he thought would ever come in handy when it came to interacting with you, yet John found himself rounding around the chairs on the other side of the living room from you, and planning each step he made to ensure he didn’t spook you. That lingerie wasn’t for nothing, and he desperately needed to know what you planned on doing with it.

He licked his lips, taking a steadying breath. “What’s under the blanket, sweetheart?”

You swallowed thickly, “N-nothing… I thought - I hoped it’d look nice,” Fumbling pathetically for an excuse, you finally spit one out all under the very soft and lightly amused eyes of one John Price. “It doesn’t fit.” The second it left your lips, you internally cursed yourself.

John’s eyebrows raised, instantly grabbing onto that loose thread and pulling on it. “I’m sure you’re wrong about that…” He came closer, standing just in front of you on the couch with his hands on his hips. “Come on, why don’t you let me have a look? I’ll give you a second opinion.” His words made your heart stutter, and you weakly shook your head in response.

“I should just return it.” You mutter, scooting over to the side of him and attempting to sneak off with your protective blanket.

You’re not even close to getting away from John when he chuckles, one arm curling around your shoulders and the other getting a firm grip on the material you’re hiding under. Naturally, you don’t exactly fight to get away. But a furious blush breaks out over your cheeks and neck, feeling the preverbal trap tightened around your throat. He’s turning around and sitting down on the couch with a nonnegotiable silent order for you to take a seat straddling his lap. That alone is enough to drive you up a wall with anxious feelings. Not that you’d never sat on his lap before -actually it was quite common- but under these circumstances, there was a lot more than just a little bit of heat passing between the both of you. Very slowly, John found the edge of the blanket and slipped a hand under, searching out for your skin and eventually landing on a little bit of the lacy material stretching in a high cut over your hip. You can actually see his eyes darken, tracing along the hemline and mentally picturing what was under his fingers. Touch alone was making you squirm, avoiding eye contact and trying to keep quiet so as not to embarrass yourself even more than you already felt.

“Oh, sweetheart… fits like a fuckin’ glove.” He whispers lowly, hand palming your asscheek and toying with the thin little string that disappeared into the cleft.

“It’d be a shame for you to get all dressed up… go through all this trouble… then not let me see your hard work.” His voice lulled slow and steady, swaying your fears just enough for you to feel your head nod up and down a couple of times before letting the blanket fall off your shoulders and pool on Price’s lap. The front of the bodysuit had been well-hidden up until now, with you sitting so lady-like in his lap. But the thin straps just crossing around your tits and holding them up without a single stitch of material covering them totally, John thought he’d been shot right through the chest. Between the innocent look in your eyes, and that damned outfit making you appear about as sinful as hell, he couldn’t keep from letting out a low growl and squeezing your ass just hard enough to make you gasp.

“This is what you were trying to hide?” His breathlessness couldn’t be masked, nor could the frequent shift in his eyes between your practically bare chest and eyes. John chuckled, hands drifting towards your hips and up to rest on each side of your ribs. Pushing your tits together just a little bit, almost bewitched by the sight of you like that on his lap. “Oh, you’re such a pretty girl…” He muttered, almost to himself.

Shifting in his lap, you tried to keep your growing arousal and nervousness under control. Each touch set you on fire, and with John moving this slow you couldn’t be sure you’d live long enough to see another day. It was too good feeling a man actually appreciated a woman in front of him. Not just finding the small bits and pieces he preferred and overlooking the rest. You knew being nervous was natural, but the more John rubbed and soothed, it was getting harder and harder not to whine or ask him for just a little bit more to satiate you. Right away, John’s eyes darted up to you, and something you couldn’t quite describe flashed through his eyes just long enough for him to lip his lips and sit up a little straighter, pulling you to sit straddling just one of his thighs.

“I think I know what you want, sweetheart.” He smiled so damn affectionately that it made your heart jump. “But just so I know… why don’t you go ahead and tell me, that way I don’t miss anything. I don’t like to disappoint.” Toying with the zipper of his sweater, you suck in a nervous breath to steady your nerves.

“I want you to, have sex with me.” You hardly whisper the second part, still drawing your own attention towards anything minute that could serve as a focal point with your body shaking so badly.

“Hmm…” His thoughtful hum sends shivers up your spine, and the feeling of his hands massaging your hips makes it hard to breathe. “So I was right,” A smile crosses his face. “Well then, how about you go ahead and take care of this.” He growls a little, his fingers slowly tracing over the barely-there strip of fabric covering your core, already soaking wet with your arousal. Your little moan slips out before you can even try to cover your mouth, and John’s fingers slip away like he was purposefully trying to be mean and deny you a taste of relief.

“John, please…” You whimper, hands resting on his shoulders hoping he’ll take mercy on you.

He just shifts down to rest against the couch a little more and bounces his knee a few times, sending jolts of extreme sensation right up your clit into your lower stomach. You didn’t get it at first… what he wanted you to do. But now you did, and John almost grinned when he saw the realization, followed by the shy look you gave him. Encouragement was needed, and he was more than happy to deliver. Slowly rocking your hips back and forth along his pants, purposefully having settled you on the side that his thigh-holster was strapped to, adding two extra ridges that instantly began working to overstimulate you. It was too good, and not enough. Pushing your inhibitions just a little further out of focus and forcing you to really focus on how nothing more than his thigh was getting you to a release quicker than any toy or trick you’d tried on yourself. Impeccable alone, it was his low voice right in your ear that made everything outside of John Price holding you on his lap disappear.

“Doin’ so good, sweetheart…”

“Making me feel bad for not helping sooner… If I would’ve known how needy you were.”

“That’s it, love. Keep going, want you to let go. Right on my lap, then I’ll take care of you.”

His lips suffocated your moans and whimpers, swallowing each little pleasure and claiming it as his own. John hadn’t taken his time like this in years, but damn it was special seeing you -his pretty little thing- so needy and whining his name. So sensitive to the texture of his cargos that he was actually wondering if you could withstand something more… purposeful. God, he hoped you could. He wanted to tase you so bad after feeling just how wet you were. Fuck, even the dark khaki color of his pants was getting darker with each little jerk and grind of your hips. Thighs twitching and clenching around him like you couldn’t get the right angle, and were slowly getting more pathetically and innocently frustrated. He needed you hungry though… wanted to ensure that this was done properly. And if it meant withholding from you just enough to make sure you were desperate, he’d bite back every urge he had to give you everything right away.

John knew right away that you were a virgin. Either by just his ability to read people or by the way that you didn’t particularly use sex appeal to draw him in right when you first met. You weren’t innocent of how you looked though, and always dressed and acted much to the benefit of being seen as the valuable woman Price always believed you to be. Yet it didn’t escape his curiosity as to how you’d been able to slip through the grasps of so many disrespectful and predatory men who would’ve done anything to have taken their chance at you. Fuck, he was thankful beyond belief. He hated thinking that you could’ve needed to experience pain or discomfort at any point… but he never asked you simply out of respect and the knowledge that at some point the topic would come up. Only, it didn’t come to fruition quite like he expected. In fact, he never imagined that you’d had your first orgasm with him riding his thigh while sitting on the couch in his house. He wouldn’t change it for a goddamn thing, though.

In the moment, he’d wanted nothing more than to hear you. After hearing so many little whines and pleas for his help, he knew you’d sound so beautiful. But his own intentions fell to desire when he crashed his lips to yours, taking those cries of pleasure for himself. There would be plenty more to come for him to bask in the sound of. The first one though? He needed it. It was his to taste and keep forever. Alongside the taste of your pleasure, he relished in your shaking legs and the harsh bite of your nails digging into his shoulders hard enough to feel through two shirts. He felt your desperation just as deeply as his own, and while his cock straining against his zipper was not totally lost to his attention, John could easily stave off his own needs to make sure you were satiated just as thoroughly as deserved for coming on his pants like the good little things you always were.

“Good girl… You did so good for me, sweetheart.” His rough voice rumbled against your ear as his kissed you softly.

Petting your hair and rubbing his other hand down your quivering thigh. As much as he wanted to keep you right here and not disturb your come-down, he wanted you in bed. Needed to see you laid out like he pictured when jerking his cock after weeks of pent-up stress needed a release. Fuck he wanted to take you slow in his bed and wake up in the morning with you wrapped around him and the smell of sex on the sheets. Before you could really even catch your breath, John had you spread out on the bed with him staring down at you almost astonished. You were just as affected, seeing the heavy outline of his dick parallel to his zipper and ending just at his belt. His eyes caught your lingering, and he chuckled, biting his tongue with his back teeth before squeezing himself and shrugging like it wasn’t the hottest thing you’d ever seen him do. The little gasp you let out only gave him that much more confidence to keep teasing you as much as he’d been.

Slowly, painfully, stripping off one piece of clothing at a time and letting it drop to the floor. Eyes locked on yours like he was getting off to how you reacted to each little inch of skin that was bared to you. If you didn’t know better, you would’ve thought he enjoyed all of the attention on him. When in reality, he was just mesmerized by how in awe you were of him, looking like a war-torn soldier with his scars and hardened body. You were holding your breath for the moment he pushed his underwear down off his hips, standing downright predatory with his fist tight around the base of his thick and glistening cock. If you ever had a moment of hesitation about doing this with John, they dissolved in that single moment. Because your next movement was to reach your hands out, wiggling your fingers for him to come closer.

“What would you like?” He asks, coming to stand at the foot of the bed just out of your reach.

“You.” You answer a little plainly, making him chuckle.

“Not quite specific enough, sweetheart.” His eyes drop to your body hugged in that black outfit and he bites at his cheek. “But as much as I love you in that, I’d like to see you take it off.” A very easy request. Had it not been for your inability to reach the little snap at the back that kept you tied into all of the lace and straps. So, you very politely raised up and sat on your knees with your back to John and gave him the sweetest look you could manage.

“Give me hand, Captain?”

He nearly ripped the fucking thing off.

The moment he had your seduction tactic of clothing balled up in his fist, he felt the first little surge of his common sense holding him back a little bit. Base instinct screamed for him to sink into you as quickly as possible. But feeling your hands rub over his chest and your shy little kisses to his neck reminded him of circumstance. Pinned against your belly, his cock twitched in response to your teeth grazing accidentally over his collarbone. You were about to whisper an apology when John wrapped a hand around your throat to tilt your head up and suck hard just under your jaw. He liked when you did that… The thought gave you a little bolt of satisfaction. One that progressed into your hands sliding down his stomach until your fingers curled around his thick shaft, earning a warning sound of a moan deep in his chest.

“So fuckin’ soft…” He murmured against your shoulder, kissing it hotly and slowly rocking his hips against your hands. Teasing himself. Edging closer to try and raise a little bit of resistance so he wouldn’t spill his load on the bed long before he was damn well ready. Your silky little hands spreading his arousal over his length only lasted for a few minutes before John was pulling you away with heaving breaths and a flush breaking out over his cheeks.

“Too much?” You ask a little giggly when he lays you back and crawls up to kneel between your spread legs.

His reaction is one of raised eyebrows and a devilish kind of smile that makes you feel like you just made a little too accurate of a joke to be laughing. John gives you a little warning ‘tsk tsk’, shaking his head like he could try and hide the lust and affection swirling in his dark eyes at the sight of you giggling, and all spread out for him like a five-course meal the Queen of England couldn’t afford to buy. A wiser man might’ve believed himself worthy of you, enough that his dirty hands could touch you and try to give you pleasure in the way they assumed to know best. Yet John leaned over you with the knowledge that he was one of the most unworthy men on the planet, and you had so much grace and love inside of you that it didn’t matter. One little touch and you could cleanse him of every blood stain he’d not been able to clean or sinful act of revenge he couldn’t resist committing. Above all else, you’d decided in all your innocence of the world that you trusted him with your body as much as you’d already handed over your heart and mind.

John kissed you. Hard. With everything he had to offer in return for the invaluable

With that, he’s, hauling you up against him. He wants you laying right on top of him so he can sleep soundly with you right against him. He’s very quick to give you more praise and ask again if you’re feeling okay mentally and physically. You mention feeling just a little insecure, despite all of his very purposeful care throughout the whole process, but Price won’t have it.

Right away he’s kissing you softly, hands rubbing over your back and butt affectionately. Letting you know just how special he feels that you trusted him, as well as just how lucky he was to find someone like you in the first place. Holding the back of your head and gently cradling you against his lips; Tongue licking into your mouth and groaning softly when you mirror his movements, even going far enough to nip at his tongue. Using that same little hint of him enjoying your teeth on him. Just like before, you’re met with another warning sound of a growl, and John is pulling back and moving his head between your legs with a careful watch on your reaction.

“Can’t wait any longer, sweetheart.” He kissed your inner thigh sweetly. “Please let me taste your sweet little pussy.”

His words shock your body, and your head falls back with the little bit of erotic pleads overwhelming you. God, it was making you drip onto the sheets feeling him so close yet waiting for your answer. Pathetically, you couldn’t get the word ‘yes’ out of your mouth for a few long minutes. Just enough time for him to lovingly suck bruises onto your inner thighs and mean you scream out his name, squirming under his hands to try and get some real relief.

John takes pity on you, stopping long enough to let you catch your breath. “Come on pretty girl. Just say the word… I’ll make you feel so fuckin’ good.”

“Yes, yes, yes… please. I need more!” Your airy pleas fall like angel’s trumpets on his ears, as his mouth descends hungrily onto your cunt.

Licking through your slick folds and growling your own name back against your core with the sweet and alkaline flavor. Your hips buck up and you cry out, feeling his tongue lash over your clit for the first time and right away he’s got one forearm over your hips to hold them steady with the other hand held tight with his fingers intertwined with yours. His mustache tickles against your skin and you can feel him resting his head against your thigh, almost like he’s getting comfortable for an extended stay with his tongue in your cunt.

Another orgasm is ripped from you without warning less than ten minutes into John’s unyielding assault on your sensitive clit. And it’s this time that John ensures your thighs can’t wrap around his head for the sole purpose of hearing your loud and raw scream of his name. Blissed out, and shaking once again, John smiles against your pussy; Lapping up any remaining release he’d missed mere seconds before and feeling the dull pressure of your heels digging into his back.

“God, you’re so good for me sweetheart,” His praise blows cool air over your folds and you jerk a little, whining when you feel his lips return back down to you. Slowly, teasingly, he began all over again just as he did the first time.

It takes a couple seconds for you to realize he doesn’t plan on stopping. But when you do, crying for him to stop when he begins using his thumb to tease your clit while his tongue fucks slowly in and out of your clenching hole. John almost laughs, darkly and amused with your little cries and moans. Feeding off of your pleasure just to give it right back to you in the direct motivation of making you come on his tongue and fingers this time.

“F-fuck - John! Sh-shit,” Your stuttered voice falls into an unabashed groan when he teases his finger at your entrance, and slowly slides it deep into your fluttering pussy, squeezing around it tightly. Hungry for more, and weeping with each small curl of the digit hitting on your upper wall.

Your eyes roll back, and you attempt to push John’s head back to try and ease the stimulation, just to feel his hand holding you back and in place. It’s maddening, feeling so good that it’s almost bringing tears to your eyes, having already come twice -more than you typically gave yourself- and no sign of him letting you escape.

God, John was pushing you to the boundary of everything you knew about your own body, as well as giving you the first, raw, experience of just how good sex could be. Lifting your head up just to try and get a small glance at him, you catch the sight of his eyes, fiery and intense looking right back up at you with your own come soaking his mustache and the entire lower half of his handsome face. You clench around his digit again, being pushed that much closer to the edge just at the visual alone.

Your third release came as quickly as the first two, this time resulting in the delicious stretch of John’s three fingers pumping in and out of your cunt, literally slurping up your release; Almost dragging it out of you like he couldn’t stand the thought of not swallowing every drop. He whispered your name so gently as he came to rest on his forearms overtop of you, kissing your forehead with his wet lips and feeling his hair stick against your sweaty forehead.

“Sweetheart…” his tone had softened to the smallest whisper you’d ever heard from him. “Are you sure you want this? We can stop here if you’d like.”

Opening your eyes to see his handsome face and the slight of his hair in a total mess, you knew getting away with not mentioning your lack of experience was impossible. Your John… wasn’t nearly as unobservant as you’d wanted him to be. Without more than a tired little smile, you nodded. Raising your head weakly just far enough to kiss him gently, tasting yourself against your lips and feeling the slight quiver of his breath.

“Please, I want this. I want you John.”

Initially, no matter how much he’d taken care to prep you there was still a deep stretch as his thick cock began slowly entering you. Sweetly, he worked you through each little discomfort, giving you kiss after kiss and running his hands through your hair. Distracting from the little sting that had never been present with your toys, and praising you until his hips pressed flush against yours.

“Fuucckkk yes,” Price couldn’t hold back the loud groan as he looked down to see your pretty little cunt taking every last inch of his dick and squeezing so hard he could barely think straight.

“Takin’ my cock so good… Such a pretty girl, my good little thing…” His murmurs and curses slowly devolved the further you progressed.

Your body slowly adjusted to the intrusion and the gentle thrusts John made the moment you began squirming and pleading with him to move through your little hiccups. The unusual feeling of John moving inside of you slowly began to coax moans and praise from your mouth every time the crown of his cock rubbed deep against a swollen, textured, spot inside of you that built up pressure so quickly that you needed to wrap your legs around his hips to keep them from shaking uncontrollably. Each stroke got harder and harder, with John eventually pounding his cock deep inside of you, moaning and using one arm to wrap around your waist to hold your lower body still so he could bring both of you closer.

“J-John…” Your voice jolted with each snap of his hips as you tried to warn him.

Feeling that familiar yet almost destructive power of another climax rushing through your lower body. Convinced you didn’t have enough left in you to come again, you felt tears pricking your eyes, overwhelmed with immense pleasure skyrocketing you towards a final orgasm you kept denying until John’s fingers reached between you and expertly began rubbing tight circles around your clit, violently tossing you into whited-out vision, and muted hearing.

Above you, John found his own release and shared it at the same time as yours. Fisting the bedsheets to keep from grabbing ahold of you too tightly and bruising you; his cock getting squeezed so tightly from your climax that it was almost painful to stay seated inside of you. With so little arm strength left, he fell nearly full-weight on top of you and only propped himself up by his elbows to keep from suffocating you.

Utterly wrecked, and feeling more than you’d ever experienced more than you’d felt in your life, it took minutes before you could open your eyes and actually have enough of the mental capacity to realize that John was gently stroking your head, kissing your forehead and your nose, and holding you tightly to him as the strong muscle jerks and twitches in your body began to die out.

“You here with me?” Low and comforting, you smile dazedly with your eyes heavy and trying to focus on him.

You merely nod your head yes and give what you assumed was a ‘mhmmm’ but might’ve sounded more like a small animal being choked or drowned. Naturally, John’s lips spread into a very happy and amused smile, cupping your cheek with his hand and pressing a kiss to your lips softly.

“Come on, sweetheart…” John whispered, pulling your head up to his chest and gently easing himself out of you with a low sigh.

You’re once again lifted up and whisked away, this time, into the bathroom just off to the side of the bedroom where John carefully sits you down on the edge of the bathtub and starts running hot water with the lights dimmed low. Certain he’s got everything for your bath within your reach and the water is high enough for you to really sink down into in and relax, he gives you a soft kiss and promises to return after just a couple minutes.

He returns before you even work up the desire to wash your hair, and immediately takes over the task of getting you cleaned up himself. In between the lulls of soaps, and conditioners, John will pose quiet questions, asking how you’re feeling and wanting to know if there was anything that hurt you physically or was bothering you mentally. His care was intense and very personal, giving you much more confidence and comfort after having such a draining experience. Of course, you felt fantastic throughout, but when he asked if you were tired, there was a feeling that he already knew you were and expected you to tell him how he could best support you.

Other than letting your head rest against his chest. Leaving not one inch of your body neglected, from your face to your feet. Throughout the process you watch through sleepy eyes, seeing a very peaceful sort of look on his face while soaping you up and helping you rinse off and step out of the slippery bathtub into a warm towel you could only assume he’d thrown in the dryer just for your comfort.

Holding the towel around yourself, you peck him on the lips and smile, too tired to really say anything of real value. However, you’re certain John understands by the way his arms wrap you up and hold you tight to his bare chest while running his fingers through your wet hair, helping get out some of the little tangles your conditioner couldn’t quite take care of alone.

“I love you, John. More than anything.”

He drops a kiss on top of your head, rocking your weights back and forth in the dimmed light of the bathroom. Admiring your little form in the darkened silhouette of his much larger one.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

“You’re my best friend.”

He chuckles, finding that so very endearing.

“You’re mine too.”

yeah... the "you're my best friend" part, me and my husband do that <3 so.... that's a thing.

[b0rtney]

Being just some gambling guy in ghost city in book 2 of tgcf must be sooo fucking wild. Like, ur chengzhu who is known for saying things like “u could bet ur whole life and it wouldn’t be worth it bc ur life isn’t worth shit,” changes the rules so ppl have to bet against HIM to win the meat sack he’s got stapled to the ceiling. Ur reasonable so ur like “Um. No ty I choose to continue existing.” Some random guy with the best facial u have ever seen and a lil bamboo hat is like “I’ll do it :)” and has visibly never gambled before. Ur saluting him in precognitive mourning bc Ripppp lol. Then hua cheng, crimson rain sought fucking flower, is like “oh noooo ur shaking the cup wrong bestie come behind the curtain so I can show u how to do it <3” and you’ve gambled before so ur like “oh god he’s gonna kill him the poor sap w his stupid lil bamboo hat” but he goes up there, hua cheng holds his hands and genuinely shows him how to shake dice in a cup. U r kinda peeing urself laughing?? Bc wtf is this??? The poor sap rolls 3s and u r once again saluting him before he dies, but hua cheng— who was gonna let a guy lose 20 years and a happy marriage for his daughter five minutes ago— is like “nah it’s ok bb gorl that was a practice one <3 u can roll again” THIS HAPPENS THREE TIMES!!!! Some of the girls in the crowd are writing in-person fanfiction on the ghost equivalent of a phone notes app. FINALLY my mans rolls 6s and ur like “well fuck there must have actually been something to that cup shaking technique???” So the funky lil bamboo hat guy who has just spent like 20 minutes doing intimate pottery hand-holding cup shaking w ur chengzhu takes the guy stapled to the ceiling and starts to leave but NOT BEFORE HUA CHENG IS LIKE “babe,,, u promised me ur half-eaten bun qwq” and at this point even bamboo hat guy is like “r u fuckin fr rn??” But he gives it to him. Hua cheng accepts it as if it is worth an entire lifetime of joy, takes a bite while making direct eye contact w bamboo hat guy, then says “I’m going home and I’m taking bamboo hat guy w me” LIKE BRO???? IF I WERE A GHOST I WOULD BE CALLING LIU MINGYAN THE ESTEEMED FANFIC WRITER AND BUYING A COMMISSION SLOT ASKFJGKRK

[gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy]

Things I hate/ don't understand in the cursed child

- The whole ' Scorpius is the child of Voldemort rumor' Like Scorpius is literally a mini Draco™ why do the adult's believe this???

- Scorpius should have been a Hufflepuff ( I have a separate post that goes into details about this)

- Why is Harry such a dick to Albus? Like he's a terrible parent - and it's not like he treats James and Lily like it's JUST Albus.

- Why did they have too kill Astoria?! Stop killing the mom's! If you want Scorpius to have a tease home life just have her be very sick. You don't have too kill her!?

- Also can Scorpius die from this blood curse? I feel like this is super messed up.

- TIME TRAVEL. IT MAKES NO SENCE THAT TIME TURNERS WHERE DESTROYED.

- The fact that Scorpius likes rose. Like she hates his guts and treats him like shit and Scorpius is just like " That's kinda hot" like: ??????

- Why is Rose Draco Malfoy 2.0? She's an asshole to Albus for being in Slytherin and being friends with Scorpius. She also believes the Voldemort's Son rumour and like she has eyes right? Also she's Hermione Granger's daughter you really think Hermione whould let her child bully someone for something they can't control? After all she went through? No way.

- * Deep breath* Why the hell didn't Scorpius and Albus end up together?! This is queer bait! Like they spent teg entire play telling us how much they need and can't live without each other. Scorpius gets jealous fr when Delphi is flirting with Albus. So they should have been gay. Also the library seen is full of tension ™

- I dislike that they just thow Delphi in Azkaban, in my AU Draco adopts her and helps get with her child hood trama. #Stepsister Delphi

Also just think about the potential:

Interviewer: So is it true that your raising the child of Voldemort?

Draco: Yes but it's my Daughter not my Son many people get that wrong.

--

Yann: Scorpius your the child of Voldemort

Scorpius: no that's my sister not me common mistake

Yann: Huh?

Delphi: that's right I am the child of Voldemort and I will not hesitate to kill you if you don't get away from my little brother

-

Anyway that's all for now.

[rat-prophetess]

10 and 9 from the pathologic ask game!

Ty!! :D

9- I think the only thing that stresses me out in terms of mechanics is the feeling that there's probably some important side quest/interaction/piece of information that didn't show up in the quest log or letters that I just totally forgot about. Also the fucking rats. I just want to catch you and put you in my pocket so I can bet on you in a race later! I love you stop trying to eat me! please you are such a small target to hit I just bought these boots.

10- !!! Everything! For so many reasons! I think overall it's just that it felt very familiar from the beginning.

[OK this might be long and somehow both tmi and boring at the same time, so uh feel free to skip.] *Shockingly*, I'm sure, I am in fact Officially Mentally Ill™ and my personal depression has a lot of dissociative symptoms attached. Unfortunately I grew up in a house where We Don't Believe In Mental Illness, so I spent a lot of years feeling absolutely nothing and just wandering around in this fog feeling like my body was just a marionette kind of moving on its own while I just watched and couldn't do anything about it. I was told that I was perfectly normal and there was nothing wrong with me at all (because if we all just pretend hard enough...) so I thought that was just it. If there's nothing wrong with me then there's nothing to fix and this is just how it is on this bitch of an earth, c'est la vie pas le paradis, etc. Life is just tracing the same paths over and over and nothing changing except that it kept falling apart and getting worse. I felt totally cut off from the rest of humanity because I didn't feel like a real person in the same way that everyone else was a real person.

Do you see where I'm going with this lolll. being dropped into Patho classic and feeling like there's just. something a little bit off all the time and no one else seems to notice it. The buildings are the wrong size inside; everything feels kind of artificial, like it might just be a stage set; sometimes you have the same conversations over and over. You trace the same routes day after day, and it really does feeling like being blood moving through a vein, and meanwhile everything is deteriorating around you. The characters are horrified and frustrated to learn that they're just dolls and feel helpless and like they have no control over their own actions or fates. So I was like HEY SHE'S JUST LIKE ME FR!!!!! <333 They get me <3

It's always a relief to find a piece of art that makes you feel genuinely understood. Any experience/idea/belief that you have no way of communicating is really isolating, but as soon as someone else gives it a name or an image or a narrative form, it suddenly feels like a real shared human experience. It's like learning the word тоска and realizing oh, my language doesn't have a word for that feeling but there is a word for it! That's validation, babeyyyy! The whole game is like that. Also I'm v attached to the characters now. None of them are even a little ok at any time. <3 I love them. Everyone in the town is either queer, kind of fucked-up, or queer AND kind of fucked-up. High School Friend Group Simulator right there.

Ok sorry probably none of that makes sense bc it's almost 3am but uh. Good thing we're all used to reading long, cryptic dialogue that might be pretentious and makes no sense! It's thematic! Anyway I'll shut up now.

[writefightandflightclub]

it's almost time for chapter two of ride or die 🤗🤗🤗🥰🥰 I'm readyyyyy.

Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

Anyways, I have a question for you.

What made you decide on writing the whole story first before posting instead of like everytime you finished a chapter you posted it? Did u write it chronological? Or was there certain scenes you just HAD to write first bc they were making you sleepless? What's the story behind the fic? Did u had the story in mind when u posted that first chapter years ago? Or was the support of the readers asking for a second part the thought that made you go: "I can totally make this a story"?

Sorry if those are a lot of questions....I'm just a curious girl. 🫣 Feel free to not answer me if u don't wanna.

Take care 💜

Lola, you are giving me LIFE.

Thank you for indulging me. My lil writer heart is so happy to receive these questions! 🧡☺️🥹

So, I decided to write the whole series before posting mainly so I could force myself to finish it! I’ve completed some series before by posting chapters on the fly… but I also have others which are unfinished with the concluding parts languishing in my drafts. So, I really wanted to know this was DONE, in part so I could escape the pressure / guilt (self-imposed) which sometimes comes with winging it. But also so I could give a satisfying conclusion to anyone who chose to kindly invest their precious time in it.

As well, omg. I felt so wrapped up with these characters that I sorta wanted to write their story free of external comments and perspectives. I felt like there were specific places I wanted them to go, and I wonder, if I had been responding to comments as the story was still unfolding, might I have started second guessing things or taking it in a different direction? And don’t get me wrong, comments are my FAVE thing, I live for hearing all the different takes and interpretations, and feedback has been endlessly helpful and meaningful to me. I’m grateful for every single one! I just sorta wanted to let the characters in my head have first dibs on where they wanted to go this time, you know?! ☺️ An honestly, most of the time I have NO IDEA where I’m going with something, but this time I had a little bit more of an idea of the arc I wanted, and so this made sense.

Practically, it was also so I could get the continuity right from chapter to chapter. A later moment might change my perspective on an earlier scene, and if I posted outright I wouldn’t have had the flexibility to make changes.

On that note, the flexibility turned out to be needed. Some things even changed pretty last minute.

I definitely didn’t write it chronologically. I jump around a lot when I write. It’s CHAOS!!!

Tbh, I never had any continuation or larger story in mind when this started, and I fully credit all of the wonderful readers of that one-shot for this being a thing AT ALL beyond that! Chapter 1, in its OG form, was actually my first EVER Santiago one shot, and I loved the pairing so much that, with encouragement, I resolved to do a “part 2”!

However, their situation is actually so complicated that it… wouldn’t resolve quickly, yk?! The characters needed more space to breathe and grow (and to go through some stuff). And so now it’s LONG. It just… expanded as the characters pushed it apart.

I had a blast 🤣🤣🤣

In terms of scenes that were making me sleepless? Hmm. I spent a LOT of time thinking and pondering and playing out variations in my head. A LOT. There’s a flashback scene I was itching to write for a very tender moment contained in it (that chapter is far too long gah). And there’s a scene between Santi and Frankie that’s a real highlight for me.

Also, I cried MANY times while writing this agshsjajshahkahshsjjaj.

Thank you so much for being so sweet and being interested. I can’t tell you how much it means, fr. 🥹🧡

[deathchic]

starting to get really annoyed at my brain for not giving me enough mental illness content in any one specific area. like yes i have obsessions and compulsions and weird specific anxieties that are only alleviated by doing things a very certain way yes ocd runs in my family no i absolutely do not have enough shit to get a diagnosis. i just have to like. put up with it.

[sneezefiction]

soft shiratorizawa sleepover

Shiratorizawa x Reader - Sleepover Headcanons

request: “Hi can I request having a sleepover with Shiratorizawa?”

a/n: classic Gracie move, here. ultra fluffed up, on a Friday evening. please enjoy some soft, sleepover moments with our faves, Ushijima, Tendou, Semi, Goshiki, Shirabu, Reon, and Yamagata. 

warnings: none!

wc: 930

soft sleepovers - karasuno edition

---

you’ve been unofficially managing/supervising the Shiratorizawa team over the past couple months

but with their strict schedule and the fact that you joined them a bit late into their volleyball season, it’s been hard to actually get to know them

luckily, you and Tendou hit it off instantly, his curiosity gravitating toward the novelty of having a team manager

after expressing your wish to get to know the team better, the idea for a sleepover popped up in a playful convo between you and Tendou

i mean, you were definitely joking about it, but apparently Tendou had already presented the idea to Ushijima

and Ushi was totally chill with it??

he felt like you would manage the team better if you could see how everyone functioned outside of a high-pressure game

also i’m almost entirely positive that half of this team has never had a real sleepover

like, sure, they’ve spent the night together while away for practices games and tournaments, but they’ve never had one for the purpose of “hanging out” with each other

the team is surprised to hear that you’ll be joining them, but they’re genuinely excited to learn about you

lmao they might even be sort of intimidated esp since most of them are fr socially awkward

so be ready to actually get to know these boys, bc they’re all weird af

ps everyone will be invading Goshiki’s home for this wild, overnight endeavor

you arrive slightly late, but you’re welcomed with sounds of howling laughter and vibrant discussions that seem to be spiraling into loud arguments

Semi has Shirabu in some kind of headlock, wrestling him to the floor for being too pretentious

Tendou is already in his sleeping bag, but he’s not actually lying down... he’s hopping around in it

and Ushijima looks like he’s supervising the entire team, while still holding a glint of humor behind his gaze, enjoying the goofiness of his teammates outside of a gym for once

when they spot you at the doorway, your pillows and items in hand, everyone goes silent

and then Tendou rushes toward you, crashing headfirst into your body after losing balance in his absurdly heavy sleeping bag

you’re pretty much stuck under him, so Reon and Ushi have to lift Tendou off of you before Semi can give you a hand up

you thank Semi and turn to Tendou with a playful scowl on your face, his own cat-like grin is spreading the width of his cheeks

before he can react, you’ve smashed a pillow right into his head, leaving him slightly dizzy as he throws his pillow toward you… but it misses

...landing straight into Ushijima’s gorgeously sculpted face

everyone is too shocked by this to realize that Ushi has already picked up a pillow and aimed it at poor Goshiki

the power in Ushi’s pillow throw literally knocks him off his feet

yikes

don’t get me wrong, Ushijima doesn’t really get the concept of a “pillow fight,” but he’s willing to try anything at least once to understand it

this starts a full-send pillow war:

It’s you, Semi, Goshiki, and Yamagata VS Tendou, Ushijima, Shirabu, and Reon

and lemme tell you, IT IS BRUTAL.

you learn quickly about their inner team rivalries and the team’s extensively colorful language

this ends with lots of sweat, several bruises, and countless bursts of excited laughter

but when the game and adrenaline highs wear off, you’re all left lying on the floor

they all recover pretty quickly, but most of the 3rd years realize just how worn out you are from the amount of effort you just exerted

Semi flicks you in the side of your head and asks you some personal questions, but really the whole group is listening in, 

“Y/n, why’d you choose to help our team out? I’m sure you have a lot going on outside of all of this.”

you’re taken aback, having to process your answer… because truthfully friends weren’t easy to come by these days

you’d been searching for an opportunity to find community and be apart of something… and this management position seemed to be an open door to it

“You’d be surprised by my social life, Semi.” you say through a laugh, but it doesn’t sound funny

you’re amazed by the understanding faces surrounding you, some nodding, other just staring without judgment

because they could all relate

LITERALLY this short convo turns into a really sweet discussion about fears and problems, with some venting mixed in

It’s mostly you, Goshiki, Tendou, and Semi speaking, but in the end, everyone shares a little piece of their life with the group

which is all so weird for everyone on the team, but somehow your presence was the perfect set up for a Group Therapy Sleepover Session™ 

by the end of the night, you’re the one advising and listening to them, which is such a cozy turn of events

like, your heart is full & they’re actively being invested in by your sweet self

several of them (Ushijima, Semi, and Goshiki) fall asleep to the soothing sound of your voice

you just make them so comfortable

and as much as they should be the ones protecting you, you’re the one making them feel safe and put together

honestly, while i’d like to think that Shiratorizawa is always so cool and calm, i think they need hugs and softness too

sure, they’re tough and they get all of that intensity and energy out on the court 

but now that the team knows they have an outlet to get things off their chest and out into the airspace, they don’t want to lose it

and that’s when the bi-monthly, non-volleyball related Shiratorizawa sleepovers become mandatory

it’s pretty much the ultimate mental health booster and it gets wilder every time

so, you indeed get to know the boys well <3

—-

soft team sleepover series

soft karasuno sleepover

soft seijoh sleepover

soft nekoma sleepover

soft fukurodani sleepover (in progress)

—-

tags: @yams046, @cherryonigiri

(comment or send an ask to be added to my general tag list) 

[anyoneseenadam]

The Moon Spirit - One

Dorian x reader (throne of glass) (future fenrys x reader)

Description: When you’re taught to be a queen from such a young age, nothing could go wrong. But when the king starts to fear your growing power you find yourself thrust into a world of faeries, evil magic and powerful men, learning to stand on your own can be harder than it seems.

warnings: blood, graphic descriptions of violence, objectification, gross old men, Dorian is a ball of love and niceness however, angst, fluff, possibly smut in later chapters

word count: 4.5k

a/n: ahhhhh I’m finally writing this!! This has been in my head for so long now so I’m so glad I’m finally getting it down and I’m really excited to develop it further and possibly go into some poly!dorianxfenrysxreader but that shall all be revealed soon lmao, pls comment and let me know your opinions and theories and shiz it always makes my day!!!

—————————————————————————-

“Wake up.” You felt insistent tapping on your forearm, groaning as you shook it off, turning onto your side and burrowing deeper into your soft duvet. “C’mon wake up princess,” your brain barely registered Dorian’s whining as you groaned in return, throwing and arm out behind you and batting at his firm chest.

“Go away.” You moaned as you felt a firm body land on top off yours. Dorian pressed his face in between your shoulder blades as his arms wormed their way beneath your stomach, warm fingertips massaging the skin of your belly as you cracked open an eye, albeit reluctantly.

“I have to say all those lessons in ladylike manners sure paid off.” You heard Chaol’s sarcastic voice and turned your head just enough to glare at him as well as he sat comfortably on the armchair next to your fireplace.

“I also have lots of lessons in stabbing rude boys, shall I demonstrate those,” you grumbled, flipping him off before shaking your clingy boyfriend away, sitting up in bed and glaring at both of them as they laughed at your disgruntled expression. “What do you want and why are you waking me up?”

“Well, my love,” Dorian moved behind you to gently start brushing your hair as you hummed in delight at the attention, both of you ignoring Chaol’s eye roll, “It is your birthday isn’t it?”

“So you choose to torment me?” you asked as Dorian stood again, smiling at you boyishly as he moved around your room, tidying away clothes.

“Well seventeen is a big one,” he wiggled his eyebrows at you and Chaol moved to translate as you stood and made your way to your bathroom where a bath had already been run for you, the hot water smelling of expensive soaps and salts.

“We have to make appearances today, and there’s a ball tonight.” Your shoulders slumped as you realised what your day entailed.

“Appearances?” you gave your friend a pleading look, but he just shrugged his shoulders sympathetically.

“Carriage through the city, the whole point in the public seeing you so much is to dampen any threat of revolution and they haven’t seen the two of you together recently. Your birthday is as good a time as any.” The older boy explained as your dark-haired prince moved closer to you, wrapping his arms tightly around you and kissing your head.

“I know it sucks princess, but if we make the rounds this morning, we’ll have all afternoon to ourselves before the ball.”

“I don’t like being a show pony.” You grumbled as the familiar frustration prickled behind your eyes, tears forming on what was supposed to be a happy day for you.

Chaol and Dorian averted their gazes at your words, both feeling a deep sense of guilt over something they truly couldn’t control. You had spoken of this before, only in confidence to them; Dorian the love of your life and Chaol alike a brother to you, you had told them how you felt like a toy, a shiny thing for the king to display, waved around in front of the public until you were drained, and they were putting artificial colour onto your face. You had once described it as being alike a corpse in makeup, dragged around for others entertainment as you slowly rotted and decayed until you were unrecognisable.

“I’ll be there the entire time my love, when it gets too much I’ll drag the attention away from you okay?” you nodded as he stroked your arm reassuringly.

“I love you,” you said to him as you leaned up to kiss him gently.

“I love you too baby, happy birthday.”

Chaol walked past as he left the room so you could clean, ruffling your hair as he passed. “Maybe next year you’ll grow,” he mocked, narrowly missing your smack as the three of you laughed.

“Clean up, we’ll be waiting when you’re ready,” Dorian pressed another kiss to your head before he was dragged out of the room, his grin easy as you waved him away.

--

You washed quickly without the help of the maids that usually surrounded you. You presumed that was a birthday present from Dorian as he knew how much you despised the bustling groups of women that would preen over your every feature.

You spent half the bath scrubbing off layers of dead skin and the other massaging your hair until it had no option but to shine in the morning light. Cleaning your face and dragging a razor over any visible body hair as you repeated the rules you were taught in your head.

1.      Never look anything less than perfect. A queen must look put together.

2.      Always stand straight.

3.      Never smile with your teeth.

4.      Wave to children only, adults get a polite head bow.

5.      Speak once spoken too and only if given permission from the Crown prince…

The list went on for what seemed like hours and at one point you had it written down and pinned on your wall next to your mirror, reading it every day. The first four years you had spent under the king’s care were the same. Lessons followed by more lessons, restrictive diets, and waist training. They broke you down and remodelled you into the perfect queen, and throughout those lonely years you never once saw Dorian, excluding the first time you met as children.

Only when you were twelve did you see him again, and from then on you did everything together. When he sword trained you practiced ballet, when he read, you read, when he ate, you ate. You became one person, never doing something without the other, Chaol turning your duo into a trio soon after.

When you turned fourteen he kissed you. You both knew you were to be married one day, but one snowy day he had pulled you aside and kissed you quickly, face as red as the roses your mother used to grow every summer. He had asked you to be his girlfriend, speaking so quickly you barely heard him as you held in laughs at your usually so composed prince. You had nodded in response and he kissed you again, holding your hand tightly as the two of you escaped the castle for the night, determined as he was to take you on a real date.

You dried quickly when you got out the bath, rubbing your favourite lavender scented hand cream into your hands and neck. You towelled your hair off and dressed quickly, mindful of the delicate necklace that always hung around your neck, the one that secured your place in the glass castle. Even if you didn’t know why.

Your dress was dusty blue with silver stitching, the king and queen liking when you and Dorian sticked to a theme. You thumbed some silver earrings in and adorned your wrists in similar dainty, silver bracelets, finally twisting your hair into a low bun and pinning away the loose strands, applying minimal makeup.

You heard a soft knock at the door before it pushed open, a familiar mop of dark hair appearing at an odd angle from behind the door. You smiled when you saw him, unable to escape the rush of feelings that appeared whenever he walked in a room, all easy smiles and suave manner.

He sauntered over to you with a cheeky smile, his hands hiding something behind his back.

“Maybe Chaol was right about the height thing,” he commented when he reached you, your similar heights long gone as you both grew into your bodies, the days of being young and without consequences gone.

You jabbed him in the rib jokingly, “It’s my birthday and all I’ve gotten so far is abuse.”

“Let me change that then,” he pressed a kiss to the underside of your jaw, and you shut your eyes, revelling in the attention from your lover. He pulled away and revealed the flat box he was holding. “I know you can’t take your necklace off, but I thought this would go nicely with it,” he opened the box in your direction, and you looked down at a beautiful gold necklace with a circular pendant showing an opalescent crescent moon with three stars on the gold plating it rested on.

“Oh Dorian,” you whispered, picking the necklace up gently to admire it.

“Of course I have a million other presents waiting for you later, I have to treat my best girl,” he scrunched his face up in the way that always reminded you that he too was just a boy, despite his lessons. You loved these gentle moments when you both let your masks drop, and instead focused on the true love you shared, a lack of care for the way it was pushed. You instead focused on the luck that had given you a man you could truly love, through all the pain and harsh words, the world had given you someone to endure its hardships with, and for that you would remain grateful.

“Put it on for me?” you smiled at him, biting your lip gently as he turned you around, clasping the necklace that sat perfectly under your crystal behind you neck, his fingers soft and gentle as they trailed down the chain and settled between your collarbones, his touch almost wary of the stone as he moved to stand in front of you.

He seemed like he was about to say something but clearly decided against it, instead reaching to tug some strands of hair down to frame your face, twirling them in his long fingers.

“We’ll be fine today, it’s only an hour or two.” He said, his voice steady and sure, his courage coursing through you as he cupped your face lightly.

“We will be. We always are.” You moved away and sat to pull on your shoes as Dorian checked his sword was hanging safely from his side still before he picked up a light shawl, slinging it around your shoulder and linking arms with you.

“The city awaits my love,”

--

Chaol was escorting you through the courtyard when you were surrounded by a fleet of soldiers, exchanging a worried glance with Dorian.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, his arm tightening around you as he and Chaol both scanned the area.

“Yes your highness, however a rather dangerous prisoner is being taken to the king, so we are simply on high alert.” A guard you recognised said, Dorian frowned but you all continued onwards, only slowing when you passed an ever-larger group of guards. When you passed them you looked to the centre where a beautiful girl with a tear-stained face stood, being dragged along, her blonde hair matted with blood and dirt. She locked eyes with you, and you felt a pulse of power go through your body, her turquoise eyes widening for a second as time seemed to slow around you, a soft glow emitting from your neck. However before you could ponder it she was dragged away, and Dorian was asking you a question.

“Huh?” you asked quietly, mind occupied by the strange, beautiful girl.

“What do you think she did?” he asked, his grin cheeky.

“Maybe she steals princes hearts and eats them,” you joked, nudging his side even though your smile didn’t feel real, hiding your shaking hands behind the pleats of your skirt.

“Shame mine has already been stolen,” he flirted, and you laughed genuinely as he helped you into the carriage, pushing down the thoughts of the girl and the anxiety that surged through you as you prepared to plaster on a fake, placid smile.

“I haven’t eaten it yet though,” he laughed, joining you and squeezing your hand.

“Save it for dessert.”

--

The rest of your day passed slowly. Practiced waves and polite conversation taking up a majority of your morning as you tried to keep a pleasant facial expression when all you wanted was to curl up with your very cute boyfriend and sleep your birthday away.

You hated being put on display, the way you were shown off like a shiny toy and your hand was frequently finding Dorians, holding his tightly while you dug your nails into the palm of your other hand, the biting pain reminding you that you were in fact human.

By the end of the long, slow loop of Adarlan your shoulders were aching, and your mouth hurt from the still, soft expression you had kept it in. However you didn’t let your shoulders drop as you moved swiftly through the castle, Dorian by your side and Chaol a pace behind. Instead you only let your shoulders fall when you reached your room as you squealed, clapping your hands together and turning to Dorian with wide eyes when you saw the copious amounts of presents laid out for you.

“Dorian this is too much!” you exclaimed as you tackled him in a hug.

“Nothing is too much for you angel.” He muttered, kissing your head as you practically swooned in his arms.

“You read too much romance,” you said, ducking your head to hide your heated face.

“Plus a solid twenty percent are from me,” Chaol said, and you turned, hugging the tall man tightly too.

“Thank you!” you held your hands to your face, biting the tips of your thumbs like you used to as a child as Dorian led you to the seats where the presents were placed.

“I think this one needs to be opened first,” he said, a glint in his eyes that you couldn’t place as he passed you a large but light box. You opened the lid cautiously as Dorian exchanged excited looks with his brother. You were met by a ball of white fur, bright blue eyes blinking up at you and you gasped.  

You placed a hand over your heart as you reached into the box, picking up the kitten that was roughly the size of your hand and cooing gently as you stroked it, tears filling your eyes. You looked up at Dorian and he smiled at you as you pressed the furball into your chest, nuzzling its soft head.

“I found it abandoned on a street and had to take it home,” he explained, “He doesn’t have a name yet.”

You wiped away a tear that had escaped as they laughed at your emotional state, “Amaris,” you whispered, still choked up, “My little ball of light.”

You leaned into Dorian’s arm and kissed him gently in thanks, his head coming over your shoulder as you cooed at the small kitten that was pawing at your hand like new parents.

“As sweet as this is we’re going to be here for hours if you take this long on everything,” you stuck your tongue out at Chaol, placing Amaris in your lap as you were passed more presents. You ended up opening many presents for Amaris, Dorian sheepishly explaining that he got slightly carried away, countless books, dresses, hair pins and bags filled with sweets from all over the world.

By the time you were finished you all felt slightly sick from the taffy you had shared but the aches left from your smiles were real this time. Maids came in to clear away the wrapping paper and dishes Dorian had ordered up when he realised you hadn’t had any substantial food yet that day.

“I should go, we’ve got dinner then the ball in an hour and I can hear the maids outside,” Dorian said late that afternoon, his arms tight around you as you snoozed on his chest, Chaol having left to complete his duties for the day, not having the luxury to laze around like you and Dorian, and Amaris curled on Dorian’s chest next to your head.

“Do you have too?” you whined, and Dorian laughed,

“Yes, now c’mon. Wear the gold dress tonight,” he was referring to an intricate rose pink and gold dress he had bought you, currently hanging on the screen in your room, the matching tiara in a velvet case on your vanity. You looked over to it with heart eyes, wondering how you got so lucky before you sat up and Dorian marvelled at you, eyes puffy from your nap and lips parted and pouty. He reached up and stole a kiss, dragging your bottom lip between his teeth before deepening the kiss with a hand on the back of your head. He pressed into your body, his tongue seeking out yours and you moaned softly into the kiss, his grin a promise of more to come later in the evening.

He pulled away too soon, leaving you breathless and left with a wink as you were surrounded by a sea of flustered maids, getting swept up in the lace and satin, the rush of the room silencing your mind for the time being.

--

You sat next to Dorian on a velvet seat, Dorian’s hand protectively resting on your knee as you spoke to the duke and duchess of some shit you didn’t care about. They were speaking about their fifth horse when you felt a sharp gaze on you and turned to see the king staring at you with his cold eyes, and for a second you felt that pulse of power again, the Duke cut off mid-sentence as the world slowed. You tore your eyes away quickly, clenching them shut as the image of the blonde girl came back into your head, Dorian gazing at you with worry as he excused the two of you.

“What happened?” he asked, leading you to dance as you forced yourself back into your practiced facial expression, the mask slipping on hiding your fear.

You placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned into his embrace, “I need to talk to you about something that happened today,” you whispered low enough for him to hear.

“Are you okay? Did someone do something?” he asked, grip tightening slightly as he led you in a waltz.

“Not quite, I’ll tell you when we can go somewhere more private.” You peered over his shoulder and met the kings’ eyes again, watching as he spoke lowly to Chaol who turned slightly pale before bowing and making his way over to you.

“May I but in,” he asked, and Dorian nodded, still watching you cautiously as he passed you to Chaol.

“The king wishes to speak to you after the ball, he says it’s the first thing you have to do.” He told you quietly and it took all your training to mask your fear.

“Did he say why?” you asked, taking a deep breath when he shook his head. “Okay, that’s fine. Thank you for letting me know.” You finished your dance with Chaol before carrying on with Dorian, occasionally having to entertain a noble who would breathe heavily in your ear for ten minutes before Dorian found an excuse to steal you back, giggling like the teenagers you were as you did.

When the ball ended and everyone began filing out, all wishing you a happy birthday and you and Dorian a happy future you felt the ball of anxiety that had been in your stomach all night grow, consuming your entire being and swallowing you whole.

“Are you sure you’re okay going alone?” Dorian asked for the fourth time and you faked a laugh to appease his nerves.

“He probably just wants to let me know of new duties now I’m older, I’ll not be long.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“But why won’t he let me or Chaol escort you,” he looked concerned, his trust in his father depleting as he grew older.

“Probably because you’ve both been drinking,” you squeezed his hand as his shoulders slumped, “I’ll be fine.”

“Come up to my room as soon as you’re done okay?” you smiled at his concern, placing a hand over your new necklace, and walking back, away from him.

“Promise.” You blew him a kiss, “see you in a minute, I love you.”

--

You knew something was wrong even before you walked in the room as you watched the queen walk out, eyes red. Her breath stopped when she saw you and she looked as if she were about to come over to speak to you, but shook her head, continuing on with a tight smile.

The guards opened the doors to the large throne room, escorting you into the dark room.

The king sat alone.

The room was dark, lit only by the light of the full moon coming in from the glass walls and ceiling. He sat on his burnished throne; his crown lopsided on his head as he swirled a goblet of blood red wine.

You stepped forward, head bowed, posture never faltering as your mind travelled back to the way you had watched your grandmother stand up to him as well, only to pass away less than a month later leaving you with no real family.

“It’s a shame really,” he started, voice low and gravelly and you stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. “You were truly doing so well, and Dorian the poor boy, this will affect him greatly I presume.”

You fought the bile rising in your stomach at the implications of what he was saying, but kept your mouth shut.

“And I have been nothing but fair, giving you all you could ever dream of and keeping you on a tight leash. But I suppose teenage girls will always want to disobey.” He stood then, motioning to the guards who came and kicked you down, landing on your knees harshly with a yelp as you looked up at the approaching king with fear in your eyes.

He reached you, his hand stroking your cheek lightly before trailing down to your necklaces, gently twirling the stone between your collarbones before holding the one Dorian had gifted you tightly.

“Hmm, tacky,” was all he said before tugging harshly, ripping the necklace of you, and throwing it to the side. “I guess I’ve dragged this out enough now.”

You were shaking were you sat, tears slowly trailing down your face but still to afraid to say a word, even as a guard you didn’t recognise approached you, drawing his sword as the others held you tightly. Your eyes widened, fear seeping in as you started fighting the guards, desperately thrashing in their grips as you met the kings’ eyes.

“You can’t do this,” you begged but it was futile as he laughed in your face, “Please it will destroy Dorian, he is your son please don’t do this.”

“It builds character, a strong king needs to be broken.”

“What about the public! They will figure it out, you can’t spin this one.” You were pulling at strings, but you had to try anything you could.

“I AM KING! WHATVER I SAY GOES, WHATEVER I SAY IS THE TRUTH!” he exploded, and you started sobbing, begging for your life as the king turned away, gesturing for the guard to continue. You were shaking, pulling away from the guards as you fought against their death grip.

You watched the guard raise the sword above his head, squeezing your eyes shut as you sent a prayer to any god that was listening. As you prayed, clutching your necklace letting loose sobs and cried for Dorian you failed to notice the glow emitting from you. You heard the guard step forward to slash down and raised your hands to brace for the blow, a blow that never came.

You looked up to see the three guards that were next to you were all sliced in half, blood spilling onto the floor. You screamed pushing away, slipping on the blood as you tore away sobbing as the king turned to you, face white with fear and rage.

“GET HER!” he screamed but you had already begun running, skirts bunched in your hands, the glow around you shielding you from their arrows as you tore through the doors and into the courtyard, running as fast as your legs would allow, dropping yours arms as the full force of the moons light hit you. You saw a path you and Dorian often took to sneak out and headed for it, hiding behind the mock door that was covered in shrubbery, a hand pressed to your mouth as you muffled your sobs hearing the guards stopping nearby, speaking in hushed tones.

You felt something wet press against your leg and almost screamed, looking down to see Amaris gazing up at you with those bright, unblinking eyes. You held in your sobs, picking him up and pressing him into your chest as you quietly made your way down the path that led to the woods, walking in the moon veiled forest.

Your dress was bloody and torn, your delicate heels had snapped, and your feet were tearing from where you stepped having removed them. You ran through the woods, heading as far away as you could get, however you eventually had to slow walking and holding in your sobs as you realised what you had done.

Not only had you used magic, but you had also killed three men and left Dorian. You held Amaris tighter to your chest as he licked at you gently, your necklace still glowing even thought your entire body ached, ready for rest. But you ploughed on, coming out of the forest onto an empty dirt road.

You sat down for a second, letting Amaris down as you sobbed into your hands until you had no tears left, your entire body still shaking. But you forced yourself to stand, picking up Amaris and walking down the road, luckily finding a small farm with horses.

You quietly took a horse, placing down your tiara in its place, wishing you could apologise more but instead mounting the horse and leaving, riding into the night, tears drying on your face as you held your light close with one hand. You wished you could just wake up, wrapped in Dorians arms as he comforted you after your bad dream, but the pain in your body suggested that wasn’t going to happen.

You wanted Dorian but you needed a plan. And you needed a drink.

--

Chaol stood in the throne room, his hand clenched so tight his knuckles were white as he watched the king spin his story of your sudden disappearance, the sound of Dorians silent cries breaking his heart.

When they were excused he dragged Dorian to his room, where he finally broke down, falling to his knees and sobbing into his hands, muttering about how he should have protected her.

“Dorian I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but I think something bad happened to (y/n).” he said, approaching his brother cautiously as he looked at him with wide, tear filled eyes.

“What?” he asked, his voice breaking in his throat. Chaol finally unclenched his hand and passed what he had been holding to Dorian.

The gold necklace was caked with blood.

[killianmesmalls]

On your comments about Jack: ye-es, in the sense that Jack is a character who definitely deserved better than he was treated by the characters. The way Dean especially treats him reflects very badly on Dean, no question. But, speaking as a viewer, I think the perspective needs to shift a little bit.

To me, Jack is Dawn from Buffy, or Scrappy Doo. He’s an (in my opinion) irritating kid who is introduced out of nowhere to be both super vulnerable and super OP, and the jeopardy is centered around him in a way that has nothing to do with his actual character or relationships. He’s mostly around to be cute and to solve or create problems — he never has any firm character arcs or goals of his own, nor any deeper purpose in the meta narrative. In this way, he’s a miss for SPN, which focuses heavily on conflicts as metaphors for real life.

Mary fits so much better in that framework, and introducing her as a developed, flawed person works really well with the narrative. It is easy for us to care about Mary, both as the dead perfect mother on the pedestal and as the flawed, human woman who could not live up to her sons’ expectations. That connection is built into the core of SPN, and was developed over years, even before she was a character. When she was added, she was given depth and nuance organically, and treated as a flawed, complex character rather than as a plot device or a contrivance. She was given a voice and independence, and became a powerful metaphor for developing new understandings of our parents in adulthood, as well as an interesting and well-rounded character. You care that she’s dead, not just because Sam and Dean are sad, but for the loss of her development and the potential she offered. So, in that sense, I think a lot of people were frustrated that she died essentially fridged for a second time, and especially in service of the arc of a weaker character.

And like, you’re right, no one can figure out if Jack is a toddler or a teenager. He’s both and he’s neither, because he’s never anything consistently and his character arc is always “whatever the plot needs it to be.” Every episode is different. Is he Dean’s sunny opportunity to be a parent and make up for his dad’s shitty parenting? Yes! Is he also Dean’s worst failure and a reminder that he has done many horrible things, including to “innocent” children? Yes! Is he Cas’s child? Yes! Is he Dean’s child? Yes! But also, no! Is he Sam’s child? Yes! Is he a lonely teenager who does terrible things? Yes! Is he a totally innocent little lamb who doesn’t get why what he is doing is wrong? Yes! Is he the most powerful being in the universe? Yes! Does he need everyone to take care of him? Yes! Is he just along for the ride? Yes! Is he responsible for his actions? Kinda??? Sometimes??? What is he???

Mary as a character is narratively cohesive and fleshed-out. Jack is a mishmash of confusing whatever’s that all add up to a frustrating plot device with no consistent traits to latch on to. Everything that fans like about him (cute outfits, gender play, well-developed parental bonds with the characters) is fanon. So, yes, the narrative prioritizes Mary. Many fans prioritize Mary, at least enough that Dean’s most heinous acts barely register. To the narrative (not to Cas, which is a totally different situation), Jack is only barely more of a character than Emma Winchester, who Sam killed without uproar seasons earlier. He’s been around longer, but he’s equally not really real.

I debated on responding to this because, to tell the truth, I think we fundamentally disagree on a number of subjects and, as they say, true insanity is arguing with anyone on the internet. However, you spent a lot of time on the above and I feel it's only fair to say my thoughts, even if I don't believe it will sway you any more than what you said changed my opinions.

I'm assuming this was in response to this post regarding how Jack's accidental killing of Mary was treated so severely by the brothers, particularly Dean, because it was Mary and, had it been a random character like the security guard in 13x06, it would have been treated far differently. However, then the argument becomes less about the reaction of the Winchester brothers to this incident and more the value of Jack or Mary to the audience.

I believe we need to first admit that both characters are inherently archetypes—Mary as the Madonna character initially then, later, as a metaphor for how imperfect and truly human our parents are compared to the idol we have as children, and Jack as the overpowered child who is a Jesus allegory by the end. Both have a function within the story to serve the Winchester brothers, through whose lens and with whose biases we are meant to view the show's events. We also need to admit that the writers didn't think more than a season ahead for either character, especially since it wasn't initially supposed to be Mary that came back at the end of season 11 but John, and they only wrote enough for Jack in season 13 to gauge whether or not the audience would want him to continue on or if he needed to be killed off by the end of the season. Now, I know we curate our own experiences online which leads to us being in our own fandom echo chambers, however it is important to note that the character was immediately successful enough with the general audience that, after his first episode or two, he was basically guaranteed a longer future on the show.

I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure why the perspective of how his character is processed by some audience members versus others has any bearing on the argument that he deserved to be treated better overall by the other characters especially when taking their own previous actions in mind. I’m not going to tell you that your opinion is wrong regarding your feelings for Jack. It’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it, it harms no one to have it and express it. My feelings on Jack are clearly very different from your own, but this is really just two different people who processed a fictional person in different ways. I personally believe he has a purpose in the Winchesters’ story, including Castiel’s, as he reflects certain aspects of all of them, gives them a way to explore their own histories through a different perspective, and changes the overall dynamic of Team Free Will from “soldiers in arms” to a family (Misha’s words). In the beginning he allows Sam to work through his past as the “freak” and powerful, dangerous boy wonder destined to bring hell on earth. With Dean, his presence lets Dean work through his issues with John and asks whether he will let history repeat itself or if he’ll work to break the cycle. Regarding Cas, in my opinion he helps the angel reach his “final form” of a father, member of a family, lover and protector of humanity, rebellious son, and the true show of free will. 

From strictly the story, he has several arcs that work within themes explored in Supernatural, such as the argument of nature versus nurture, the question of what we’re willing to give up in order to protect something or someone else and how ends justify the means, and the struggle between feeling helpless and powerless versus the corruptive nature of having too much power and the dangerous lack of a moral compass. His goals are mentioned and on display throughout his stint on the show, ones that are truly relatable to some viewers: the strong desire to belong—the need for family and what you’ll do to find and keep it. 

With Mary, we first need to establish whether the two versions of her were a writing flaw due to the constant change in who was dictating her story and her relationship to the boys, which goes against the idea that her characterization was cohesive and fleshed-out but, rather, put together when needed for convenience, or if they both exist because, as stated above, we are seeing the show primarily through the biased lens of the Winchester brothers and come to face facts about the true Mary as they do. Like I said in my previous post, I don’t dislike Mary and I don’t blame her for her death (either one). However, I do have a hard time seeing her as a more nuanced, fleshed-out character than Jack. True, a lot of her problems are more adult in nature considering she has to struggle with losing her sons’ formative years and meeting them as whole adults she knows almost nothing about, all because of a choice she made before they were born. 

However, her personal struggles being more “mature” in nature (as they center primarily on parental battles) doesn’t necessarily mean her story has layers and Jack’s does not. They are entirely different but sometimes interconnected in a way that adds to both of their arcs, like Mary taking Jack on as an adoptive son which gives her the moments of parenting she lost with Sam and Dean, and Jack having Mary as a parental figure who understands and supports him gives him that sense of belonging he had just been struggling with to the point of running away while he is also given the chance to show “even monsters can do good”. 

I’d also argue that Jack being many ages at once isn’t poor writing so much as a metaphor for how, even if you’re forced to grow up fast, that doesn’t mean you’re a fully equipped adult. I don’t want to speak for anyone else, but I believe Jack simultaneously taking a lot of responsibility and constantly trying to prove to others he’s useful while having childish moments is relatable to some who were forced to play an adult role at a young age. He proves a number of times that he doesn’t need everyone to take care of him, but he also has limited life experience and, as such, will make some mistakes while he’s also being a valuable member of the group. Jack constantly exists on a fine line in multiple respects. Some may see that as a writing flaw but it is who the character was conceived to be: the balance between nature or nurture, between good and evil, between savior and devil. 

Now, I was also frustrated Mary was “fridged” for a second time. It really provided no other purpose than to give the brothers more man pain to further the plot along. However, this can exist while also acknowledging that the way it happened and the subsequent fallout for Jack was also unnecessary and a sign of blatant hypocrisy from Dean, primarily, and Sam. 

And, yes, Jack can be different things at once because, I mean, can’t we all? If Mary can be both the perfect mother and the flawed, independent, distant parent, can’t Jack be the sweet kid who helps his father-figures process their own feelings on fatherhood while also being a lost young-adult forcing them to face their failures? Both characters contain multitudes because, I mean, we all do. 

I can provide articles or posts on Jack’s characterization and popularity along with Mary’s if needed, but for now I think this is a long enough ramble on my thoughts and feelings. I’m happy to discuss more, my messenger is always open for (polite) discussion. Until then, I’m going to leave it at we maybe agree to disagree. 

[sly-merlin]

KILLING ME -11 |N.Y

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre :    angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au.

warnings of this chapter : cursing, explanatory mention of a pistol!

words :: ~5k

summary : “life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  

or              

“  curiousity got the cat hitched”

taglist :: @kpop-choco​ @moon-yuta​ @kawaiiayasan​ @btm-taeyong​ @exfolitae​ @lanadreamie​ @cheersskznct​ @hyuckiesgf​ @theworld-accordingtocasey​  @yiyi4657​ @sorrywonwoo​ @sillywinnergladiator​ @suhweo @minejungwoo​ @leesalts​  @mal-nakamoto23​ @ro2424​ @itlittlefangirl​​ @nctzens-world​​ @bl--ankhaeji​​ @simplybree​​

 networks :: @kafenetwork​ @neowritingsnet​  @nct-writers​

K.M masterlist

K.M 10     next

a/n :: header was made with detailed instructions from lovely @cirrus-lily​ (thank you so much for your patience).

Previous night , taeyong’s office.

The thick, heavy unnatural silence was breached by the phone call. Taeil’s muffled words didn’t reach anyone’s ears but taeyong’s reaction was enough for an estimate!

“what did taeil say?”

Taeyong glanced at yuta’s hopeful yet helpless face. Taeil's order was far from what yuta's eyes sought. The past ten minutes were spent listening to the unsynchronized ticking of the clocks and some random whispering of the younger ones from the living room. And now, several pairs of eyes were asking for the answers.

“you will be stationed in nice, f-for two months.”

Yuta’s face hardened at his words. He gulped and opened his mouth to say something but stopped. The words stuck on his tongue would not be able to convey what he wanted to, he thought.

“with johnny?" Jaehyun uttered.

“no yuta is replacing him" taeyong mumbled, hiding his face in his hands.

Yuta snickered , “ as expected.” as much as he didnt want to sound bitter, his senses were not cooperating with him too much.

“this is not about you or johnny. It’s better if you both stay away fr-

“did taeil tell her the truth?” yuta coldly cut him off.

“i don't know about that!"

“then I'll have to do it myself." Yuta stood up, alerting everyone.

“do not stretch this yuta. This can end right here. Your absence woul-

“you got it wrong taeyong!” yuta cackled , “I'm dying to leave this place but don't you think she deserves to know that she's wrong here.”

“please yuta. For last time. trust taeil. this is the last thing I’m asking from you. You’d get the chance to explain. Ju-just not yet.” Yuta scowled at taeyong’s hollow pleading.

He inched forward slamming his palms on the table , “ since when did you start playing with wrong players taeyong? you are supposed to be the smarter one here. Who are you fooling here? you think I don’t know why she’s here or jaemin, jeno, jungwoo, chenle, jisung, mark, they don’t have a hint?” taeyong eyes danced around the room avoiding any contact as yuta continued, “Don't stretch this taeyong. this can end right here. without hurting another one and right before they can get attached. I hope when i come back , you would have sorted this mess out or you won’t have time to regret this time”

Scoffing at taeyong’s hunched figure, he smacked the table once before leaving the room.

Doyoung  followed soon , leaving Jaehyun and Taeyong alone.

Panic engulfed jaehyun’s entire being as he pondered over yuta’s words.

“he’s right. You saw her today. She’s getting worked up over a stupid misunderstanding and you saw the way taeil is acting! This was never the plan. She’s not timid. You cannot possibly make her agree to anything at all. Taeil would never let that happen. Heck! Yuta’s getting weirder these days. Let her go. We can wait unt-

“We. Can’t .wait. I know my limits, Jaehyun and two months are enough..” Taeyong whisper yelled “ I care about her more than you’d ever do so get the fuck out of here. You don't get to tell me what I should be doing.”

Jaehyun leered at the older man, muscles in his jaw twitching at his words  “you have lost it taeyong. if we fail this time, you’d be the one to blame.”

Perfectly ironed shirts were wrinkled as yuta threw them into the case. doyoung was ready to accompany but he refused all the assistance proposed to him. He left nothing. from t-shirts and pants to jumpers, he packed as if he was going for a one way trip to france.

He groaned , jumping on the suitcase, trying to bury the clothes deeper into the case so he could zip it. Once finished,he pushed the cases out of the room and into the hall. locking the door, his running and hurried eyes fell on the opposite room. It was bare of any presence. This was his first time peeking into your room. He was merely looking from afar but the very next second he found himself going through the album resting on the bed covers. a perfect normal photo album was calming enough to subside his inner turmoil.  

yuta scrunched his nose at the small girl who was either frowning or crying in most of the pictures. the family of three looked quite happy. But the girl didn't seem to resemble any of the adults. He almost let out a laugh at your wailing form in every other photo. Just looking at the pictures, anyone with two eyes could tell that you were a spoiled kid. No wonder you were full of attitude and ego, he thought.

closing it, he glanced at the room, simple and plain. Not that his own wasn’t but he couldn’t find anything that had prompted you to lock your door for the whole day. He left the room to lock his own but when he pocketed his keys, they met with something at the end of his pants pocket.

A grunt left his throat at the sight of the screws. He had placed them in his pocket to follow your fuming body, the reason of which he didn’t know back then. He was about to throw them on the bed when the album caught his eyes again. He cursed at himself for being so indecisive. Pacing back and forth , he noticed how composed he had suddenly become. He wasn’t feeling anger, just some traces of irritation for the whole drama that had unfolded.

Before he could convince himself otherwise, he took a paper from your desk, scribbled with a trembling hand and left it on the counter.

All while hoping taeil was actually being reasonable , just this once.

12:30 p.m

Looking through the power window, you stared at taeil’s arriving form, hands full with brown food bags. He hit the car door with his one knee prompting you to open the door from inside.

“when I say you are no better than others ,I really mean you are NO better than them!” taeil chortled as he shoved a bag into your lap.

“what did I do this time?” you rolled your eyes as you anticipated another moral lecture from him.

“nothing. you are making an old man to get food for you!”

“and I had suggested the said old man to enter the drive thru!”

“and drive thru is no fun, duh! The vintage the better!”

“just like someone I know! you exclaimed chewing the burger.

“very funny. You know highway stops are all about breathing in fresh air while stretching your arms, yawning so widely that you have to hide your face in your stretched arm to save yourself from the embarrassment. The first step out of the car after hours of driving feels like restoration of something that was denied to you for such a long time. and the second phase of happiness comes at the engine purring, the feeling is like no other, I’m telling you. but someone lost their chance to experience it .”

“you sound poetic taeil but you lack facts. The fresh air you just inhaled is what we consider a polluted one.I’ll prefer to sit inside and miss all that instead of going out and dying. So let go of the  fancy peace thoughts and develop your perceptions according to the changing world. The sound of this vintage engine is a source of headache and not happiness.Now lemme eat. IN PEACE”

“we’ll see whose perception changes” taeil mumbled munching on the fries.

You both ate in silence for 20 minutes. As the drive continued ,the stilled milieu took you back to the uncertainties you were trying so hard to suppress. When taeil had knocked at the door in the morning, which was beyond expectation at first, he gave you the liberty to question his actions but you had passed that opportunity, precisely to show that you weren’t that greedy. But you were! The endless queries were now making you anxious. Why did taeil come with you? what was the reason behind his pleasant behaviour, how could yuta agree to go like that? sure he liked your presence not more than you did but was he the kind to bow down so easily! Or was he designing something under the colour of acceptance. taken together ,you ended up being the ruthless one here. But the leading one was why did yesterday happen! Multiple stolen glances at Taeil were fairly noticeable; you were waiting for him to just start something. And he perhaps was waiting for you to initiate. Dilemma remained unsolved and you arrived in seoul just like you had left it, but visiting your parents had lessened the encumbrances weighing you down.

You were about to retreat after thanking him when he finally spoke up,

“b.n at 6! No exemption. And instead of racking your brain, just ask. it’s simpler than you make it to be y/n.”

Slamming the door shut , you dragged your feet for the apartment, shaking your head at the man.

Of course he knows everything! And maybe could ask him someday to get your own answers.

10 days later

The gun went off with a bang which if it hadn’t been for the ear protectors and the noiseless sheets, would have deafen your ears. Fingers pointed at the target, eyes coloured with impatience, jungwoo didn’t move. After he was done with his dramatic action, the glass shield slid and he entered inside.

“this is target A. this one is B” he asked for a confirmation with his wide eyes which you nodded at.

“right. so!” he walked circling the dry grass to stand between two targets, “so when I say hit at A, you should be firing at A, precisely aiming anywhere in this space.” he explained again, hand moving in front of the said space.

“I hit at the center jungwoo! The fucking center! For the first time in two weeks.”

“yes. You did hit the core but of the wrong target.”

“how does it matter? It's a perfect shoot”

Jungwoo blinked multiple times focusing on your puzzled face. He wasn’t sure if you were purposely trying to annoy him or you seriously lacked a few braincells to understand where you were wrong!

“at the wrong target.” he pressed.

“but I still hit-

“Ok. listen to me carefully now. Lets assume A is taeil hyung and B is a killer. If i shout to you that kill B and you mistakenly shoot A instead then you’d end up killing taeil hyung instead of the killer and then you’d be a killer yourself and even if the shot was perfect it was targeted wrongly thats why when i say hit A, hit A and when i say B, hit B. understood now?” dumbfounded, you stared at him bobbing your head a few times to indicate you understood. But you really hadn’t.

“You are not lying right?”

“Dont accuse me of lying!”

“Oh! So you still don-

“hey beautiful!”

Your heads jerked towards the owner of the voice who had just interrupted the bickering.

“johnny” you whispered.

“I meant jungwoo y/n.” jungwoo sticked his tongue out at you as he jumped forward to hug johnny.

“When did you come back?”

“just now. I flew directly to Japan from nice. didn’t he inform you all? And why is nobody at home?”

a small smile graced your face while jungwoo started explaining to him about some business event. You felt like jungwoo won’t shut up anytime soon so you turned around from the scene and made yourself busy with the magazine. As you were counting the rubber bullets to fill the magazine, a pair of arms touched your both shoulders.

“wh-

“how are you y/n.”

“you done talking to your prince.”

Jungwoo groaned approaching you with a stern look.

“you’ll have plenty of time to chatter. Focus on your job instead!”

“ugh. You are so annoying. I’m done for the day.” You announced handing the pistol to him.

“wait! what am I missing here.” Johnny's eyes shifted , not knowing what was going on in his absence.

“yuta hyu-

“I know all that. I’m asking about the bullets!”

“Taeil told me to learn some basics to defend myself and jungwoo is my assigned teacher who don’t seem to appreciate my skills at all”

“liar!” Jungwoo screeched and continued, “she’s poor at shooting, hits anywhere but the point I’m indicating at an-and she never listens to me.”

Snorting dramatically at the end, he glares at you. you welcomed his complaining speech with a toothy grin which seemed to annoy him more. One thing you had learnt in the past two weeks had been that jungwoo was frustrating when he was hungry and during the time he was supposed to teach you, no food was allowed in the basement, making him a hunger monster.. Johnny watched the exchange with an amused smile, just like you were doing a few minutes ago.

“alright. You both need to chill. Jungwoo, she's not a professional so go easy on her and you! you should listen to him. or if you want I can be your tutor instead!”

“don’t hijack here. she's my student and I was chosen because I am the softest and the sweeter one her-

“who is a second away from having a breakdown!”

“no go out. You are not invited anymore. nobody is allowed here from 6 to 7:30 .” Jungwoo announced as he started pushing Johnny out the door.

‘”yaa! Jungwoo. I’m go- don’t push me you rascal. I am going. Bye y/n. I’ll be waiting upstairs.” He shouted and waved in the air which you, for no reason, found yourself returning even if he wasn't going to see it.

As johnny was gone, jungwoo pressed the switch again to close the partition. Coming behind you, his arms embraced you and he placed the gun in your hand as he ducked himself to reach your height with another try to improve the hand-eye coordination. Occupied with each other, you both missed the pair of eyes watching you both  in a very unpleasant manner.  

“how’s your research going?” johnny asked with a mouthful of meatballs.

“it’s meh! The library is under construction so I can't properly look through books and besides minjun is too whiny to let me do anything. I can’t leave that kid alone so we're always hanging out after 1. I’ve some resources saved so I’m fine for now” you replied.

“seems like that minjun guy makes you very happy. Is he the one?” jaehyun took your attention as he pinched his neck. You narrowed your eyes at his unnecessary remark.

“my happy pill is not minjun but you jaehyun dear. I haven’t seen you in like 5 days i guess? So that eliminated all the reasons for my unhappiness. Your absence is my elixir jae. ” You grinned. Jaheyun pointed his chopstick at you but before he could utter anything, taeyong spoke up.

“woah. Don’t you two start now.” he cried.

“he’s the one that starts everything! I just continue his shit for it-

“well I won't initiate if its not for that stinky tongue o-

“Shut up before I lock both of you in a room.”

Hearing several snickers, it seemed like taeyong was the only one getting annoyed, everyone else seemed to be enjoying it.

Just when you were about to pour more juice, everything else finished and left the table. it seemed strange as how fast they were done with their dinner.

“how can you all eat so quickly?” doyoung seemed to be more perplexed as he asked taeyong.

“don’t you both know?” you settled your chopsticks on the plate as taeyong proceeded, “the last two to finish cleans the dishes.”

You instantly scanned the whole dining table and the instant regret of eating like a sloth washed over your face. There were only three left and next second there were only two. Jungwoo shot up from seat with his stuffed mouth, waved and left. Taeyong didn’t waste any time before he also scurried away.

“this was a conspiracy y/n.” doyoung murmured.

“I know right. they knew it. w-we have to wash for 14 people.”

“look at the brighter side, we don’t have to hurry now.”

You shrugged at his words, filling your glass with juice again.

“you should not be drinking juice at nighttime.” He lectured

“then why is it on the table?”

“aish! You are impossible.”

“so are you.”

You continued bickering with doyoung until both of you were finished. Like everyone else, you too had started to find joy while annoying doyoung. The responses from him were always a treat. He was also awfully similar to you. the nit-picking in almost everything, forever sceptical body language and lastly the  identical frown you both wore all the time. but you were not the one that detected the similarities, it was doyoung himself.

It was not just doyoung! With exception of jaehyun, it seemed like everyone was trying to make you a part of their daily lives. The day after the incident, you had hesitated to knock the door, scared of their reactions towards you but the dark cloud of worry had floated away with the warmest hug jungwoo had welcomed you with. You detected no rejection, no unpleasant remarks, instead you were strictly instructed to not to leave the premises without having dinner. And that one day became two and two a routine. You were confused as you were the reason someone dear to them was somewhere he wasn't meant to be at the moment and yet they treated you like you were their own! For first few days you were at edge, the affection not digestible. Feeding your suspicions , you tried to choke something out of mark who was also your designated driver but all he unveiled was his endless jokes and contagious giggles weaved with the various stories. Each day he recited a new one, sowing the seeds of intimacy with his family which, you couldn’t deny, were sprouting into something unprecedented. However vague it was, you liked it. You liked this unsought acceptance, being included like a family, taking you back in the time. But you never had the luxury of an easy life. Was this worth trusting? Were you ready to return their affection by placing them on the pedestal as same as jungkook and yugyeom. But this house wasn no more reeking of any resentment and you were more than fine with that for now.

"Stack the glasses, I'll pick up the plates"

"This is so tiring" you complained while scraping the sauce on the plates.

"You'll get used to it." Doyoung deadpanned.

"Tell me why i agreed to this!"

"You know the rules. And don’t you remember because of you, I washed for 20 people that day! You deserve the suffering woman!”

You chuckled at the memory. A few days ago, You, doyoung and hyuck were the last ones remaining.  And you had won the rock paper scissors. Though the last two were the supposed cleaners, hyuck had ditched the poor boy, leaving him with extra load.

"You carry some heavy dark clouds on your head man. I don't know how you manage to end up with dirty utensils!every fucking single time" Doyoung glared at your remark and you both continued washing and wiping the dishes side by side.

"Where are the spoons?"

"On the table. Wait , I'll be back in 2 minutes!"

Carrying the cutlery you made your way back to the kitchen but chanting of a familiar name froze you in your steps.

"He's acting like a child johnny! Had he called you after you left?" It was taeyong speaking in a hushed manner, but he was not doing a very good job in whispering.

"Nope. He just took names and contacts of all the whistleblowers and that's it. But i can’t understand the need for that taeyong! I had everything in control. What do you wanna achieve with your stupidity!”

"Jaemin, hyuck and jisung are in constant contact  with him but only to receive the codes he's sending. He's just unreachable and I'm not just talking about his cell network johnny. I'm losing him. He- taeil thought it’s for the best. They won’t see each others face for sometime an-

“And everything would be fine? Right? Sounds very legit. Goodluck with daydreaming princess.”

Hearing some shuffling, you trudged for the kitchen, not wanting them to be aware of your eavesdropping.

Stretching the hem of your knee length skirt with your hands, you kicked your feet in the air to get the non existing elasticity to work. chances were not less but anybody could see you so while cursing at chelin for the tight skirt you made your way inside the office. Your bag made contact with your right hip as you walked into the office corridors. You entered the security doors through the pass that was generated online for first day entry.You never wanted to enter this side of the famous company but with minimum options available you had no choice but to associate yourself with this branch, infamous for saving culprits of money laundering, false accusations and what not.

“ms. y/n?” a receptionist shifted your attention to her tall frame. You affirmed with a nod and she extended her hand asking for the documents.

“I’ll place your original documents in our custody room. No need to worry, this is a mere formality as we don’t make interns sign confidentiality papers. As you already know , you can end your internship with a three weeks prior notice and when we receive that application, your document would be handed back. And in case, you become an associate, and that would depend on your performance, you’ll get them at the promotion.”

You followed her steps as she stopped at a desk and gave you the papers back.

“change the folder to a chois file. And sign this receipt. I’ll give you a copy and don’t lose it if you want your degree back.” You blinked drinking each and every word she said. You again nodded like  a lost child and completed the formalities. After a few minutes you were shown to your small desk that was decorated with a pyramid of legal files.

“do I have to work on these” you voiced your fear. Even if it was a stipend based internship, nobody would take up that work load.

“oh no! actually I forgot that you were joining but I’ll get it cleaned in the evening so you can adjust for today right?” before you could respond the sound of her heels faded away in the distance.

“Welcome to the great chois y/n” you mumbled to yourself, picking up a random file to pass the time until further orders.

A week later

To keep your mind off the distasteful look painted all over mr. kwang’s face, you chose to look at his new assistant. The clicking or rather banging of the keys of the computer combined with the occasional scratch of her nails was highly uncomfortable but not more than the man sitting beside her. Your professor didn’t find it amusing that his favourite free fund student was asking for her permitted leave.

“how much have you progressed with the thesis?” he scoffed, respectfully dumping the application  on the table.

“I’ll be working half day. I’m not supposed to accompany them to the hearings so I’ll be back in the university in the late afternoon to research on that.”

He sighed, clearly not satisfied by the answer, “you want to skip lectures for an assistant job!”

“I would be promoted shortly so it’s acceptable sir.” A lie slipped out before you could stop yourself.

“what about getting distinction in thesis?”

“I’ll be surrounded with experts so it’s not a big deal sir.  I’m getting late. I’ll see you in Friday’s lecture.” In sync with his eyeballs, he rolled his chair to face the other way. Picking up the paper you bowed to his back and left the staffroom , a grin of content bedazzling your face.

"He did what?" Johnny tried hard to control his laughter but the scenario you were narrating was too humorous for him to keep his hands stable on the wheel.

"I'm not kidding John. Yugyeom seriously forgot kook  at Busan. But he did go back to get him though but I won't blame gyeom for this error!"

"Oh yeah! Just because jungkook slept in the gym doesn't justify his mistake girl. The driver should count the passengers before taking the wheel. Look at me, i never forget anyone no matter what!"

"Stop blowing your own trumpet. Don't forget you are driving a stolen car!"

Johnny rolled his eyes at the comment , "no, borrowed from mark so I can spend more time with you. stop lawyering and tell me what you did in the break. Apart from flirting with jungwoo of course."  

You shook your head at him as he repeated the same you-flirt-with-jungwoo mantra again but this time decided to follow the lead , "so what if we flirt! He's teaching me to save myself from predators , abductors and he’s very gentle with me. Have you seen his eyes! I want to drown myself in the depth of those brown sea-

"Oh my god I'm so sorry! I'm never mentioning that again but please stop. You are awful with words." His laughed again, you joining him soon. " Now seriously tell me how were your holidays"

"Umm nothing new except that everyone was on university funded trips leaving me with minjun , his camera and the plants. We explored botanies and flower shops an-

He had lied. You were not sounding awful but he just hated how quickly his heart beat at someone else's mention from your lips. He consumed each and every word like he could be tested on the said information later on. His eyes were glued to the road and his ears to your voice. He wanted nothing more than to be the only one you’d see. He wanted nothing more than to be subject of your talking but the voice in the back of his mind said fuck it johnny, you are already asking for too much. He hated how he lost control over his senses whenever you were near him but he was slowly getting used to the dilemma. But the trance he was trapped in quickly broke down when you mentioned something. Abruptly stopping the car by the trees, he faced you to confirm.

"You are doing what?"

"I'm interning. Don't look at me like I stole your candy John. I need money." You innocently replied not aware of the reason behind his sudden dumbfounded expression.

"Shouldn't you be focusing on masters!n yuta is supposed to pay for you so why do y-

" I can work for my money johnny." Frustration made its way to your face as you continued,"drop me home johnny!" You weren't sure whether it was for his mention or him questioning your ability to feed yourself but you were offended.

"Yeah I'm sorry. I won't mention that again" a hollow apology and the car sailed again.

Hiding himself in his car seat, Johnny's fingers hovered over various contacts. Taeyong, taeil, Yuta, jaehyun! He wasn't sure what he wanted to do or whose side he wanted to take. He just wanted to be with you and no one else! but he couldnt do that !

Kicking harshly at the brakes, he screamed. The voice reaching no one’s ears but his own.

Was he asking for too much?

i wanted to add more to this chapter but i dont find enough time to write due to some commitments! but i’ll update one more chapter before this beautiful year ends. and all the smut chapters would be uploaded again sans the adult stuff for the minor readers! and there are few more chapters left. masterlist says 12 chapters bcs i’m lazy（￣︶￣）↗　

HAPPY DECEMBER EVERYONE. HAPPY HANUKKAH AND MARRY CHRISTMAS. BE THE SANTA OF YOUR LIFE AND SPREAD HAPPINESS!!

[remsmoonlight]

— title : glitter in the sky

— word count : 2.3 k words

— pairing : loki x reader

— summary : before putting into place his plan for thor’s coronation, he seeks you out one more time for comfort only you can provide

— warnings : maybe a teeeeeny bit of thor bashing but incredibly minor .. love ‘im fr , bit of sadness

         ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　requested ? nope　/   requests are open  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

an: i got this idea, first from watching the first thor movie because aw, and then moving onto silent hill and that field scene is a whole vibe..... who doesn’t wanna just chill randomly in a field with the sun on your skin with no responsibilities? hell yeah .. anyways this just got away from me in a way ha

Trailing your gaze up to the sky, your eyes marvel at the merging colours as you study them intently, witnessing the blend of hues and tones from a bright blue to a mixture of warm pinks and burnt oranges light up the surrounding area before you knew they would fade into nothing more than a dark blanket who’s only source of light would be the moonlight and the stars that would litter it.

Your shoes crunching the dry grass and the sounds of chirping from the various wildlife encompasses you, it takes all of your strength to not allow a large grin to brighten your features.

Despite being so late in the afternoon, time walking on a fine line towards the early evening, the heat from the sun is still so strong, comfortably toasting your skin as a heavy blanket on a cold winter’s night would.

In the distance you’re able to spot the intimidating stature of the aged tree, though it’s intimidating in name only  ⎯  for now it holds only those memories that lay locked deep within your heart. Your situation is a rather unusual one. Many summer afternoons had been spent shielded from the harsh rays of sunlight that shone over everything it could touch, though they hadn’t been spent alone. Rather, they’d been spent with an exceedingly phenomenal man. Can he even be called that? You wonder to yourself, Loki was far from human. Far, far from it.

“ to think I had been of the belief you would not be appearing. “

The suddenness of the voice slicing through the noises of the concealed fields would have shocked you more had it not been so honeyed. Holding the recognisable smoothness that you only associated with Loki.

“ this is the first time I’ve ever been late, thank you very much. “ you answer with an unwavering nerve as you stare at him while amusement floods your expression.

“ and the last, I’m sure? “ an eyebrow raises as he questions you, a warmth brightening his aura against the coolness he exudes normally.

Believing he’s not of Earth had been hard for you to grip, to believe fully, no matter how many tricks he could conjure before your very eyes. Though disappearing right before you, then feeling the whisper of his breath dance on the back of your neck so gracefully had been the confirmation you required. From there on a friendship blossomed into something more, you both becoming more and more involved with the other. Holding such unbelievable secrets were not a common place for you, to have this continues to make you feel like such a special soul.

“ oh, shut up! “

You stroll towards him, closing the distance with an enthusiastic energy that not even the longest of days could wear you down. Nothing in the world makes you feel so secure and guarded than when you finally feel the weight of his arms snake around you to bring you forward into his embrace. For Loki, you are a home away from home. Never do you gaze upon him with untrustful eyes, nor do you view him as beneath you, many negative connotations are attached to his name and you? You simply see him for who he wishes he could be, only ever in your presence does he try not to disappoint you. Back on Asgard that’s all anyone ever expects, so why not play into their prejudices? It has protected him so far, though the thought that perhaps even that has done more harm than good tresspasses into his mind on a rare occasion.

It’s not something he wishes to think about there though. He wants to dedicate his short visit to you entirely. Pushing away the increasingly regular thought it’s just a heartbeat, he is not one to be naive to pretend. Illusions are second nature to him, to forge them as easily to breathe, but to experience them are something that is in his power to prevent. He could allow this one instance to be selfish.

“ might I inquire of your wellbeing since we parted last? “ he requests as fingers entwine with yours to guide you to the slight hollow space within the tree. You drop yourself without any elegance to the ground, he settles behind you with his legs on either side of yours.

You can’t help but marvel at the differences between the two of you, like night and day. However, your differences fit like a puzzle with no inconvenience.

“ life keeps trying to test my patience, same as ever but ⎯ “ you pause, your eyes shining with remembrance of the gift you had brought, of course you knew it’s nothing more than a silly little trinket but you couldn’t help but fall in love with it. “ here, my friend’s been making these pieces for their business and I couldn’t help but think of you. “

Adoration is the only thing that overwhelms him in this moment, it’s a feeling he wants to lock away to relive over and over, for the only time he has never been treated as an afterthought is by his mother. Now? It’s a feeling that hasn’t been forged by a bond born of blood, but one that has arisen naturally. The item in your hand is a small metal band, with designs etched onto its body.

“ it’s only a little thing I know ⎯ “ you begin to babble, the words tumbling before you could even stop them. Your mind losing all control over your language before Loki put a stop to it.

“ I’ll have you know it’s not the physical item itself, but the sentiment behind it I hold dear. “

You want to respond with equally sweet words, but the heavy tone doesn’t go undiscovered by your ears.

“ Loki, what’s wrong? “

“ nothing, why do you ask? “ the God denies, switching the questioning to you.

Turning to face him, your eyes scout all over his features to spot anything that would give you cause to continue on with your concern. It’s light, the ghost of sorrow concealed behind a curtain of confidence and ego, even the most professional of liars can’t hide the truth of that. The hurt cuts too deep for a flimsy pretense of everything being perfect for it to bury those feelings.

“ you’re an amazing liar, but I’m beginning to get the hang of you. Besides, sadness is something difficult to completely hide. “

A heavy breath is released, your fingers from their position on his shoulders feel as if there’s an invisible weight that has almost decreased. You wonder how long he has carried this with him.

“ tell me. “

Every fibre of Loki’s being is fighting to keep his feelings kept away out of sight, to imagine they never manifested themselves into reality, but locked into place by the profound compassion swirling in your eyes he wants to finally divulge everything in his mind that has been plaguing him. Who knew a mortal could have such an enchanting effect he thought humourfully to himself.

“ the deadline for a successor to my father’s throne is approaching. “

“ and you’re worried? “ your brows lower, confusion marking your features as you struggle to understand why that could be so bad?

“ I've veiled many things from you, a fault of mine I understand completely. “ he admits, a sorrowful smile gracing his lips.

“ it’s never too late to share them. It might help you feel better? “

Loki wonders just what it is he has done in his history to be blessed with such an understanding and caring soul as yours, nothing could ease the lasting effects of each and every of his transgressions over his many years of living. How exactly could such radiance and light find the dark Prince of Asgard so easily? Many who lived in his realm would argue that he’s not deserving, instead countering that his brother should be in such a position of happiness.

He simply gazes upon you before speaking, a slender finger raising to tuck a few stray hairs behind your ear.

“ the successor has already been chosen, they always have been. This is a mere formality. “ switching his sight from you to the environment around you both, turning to look upon the steadily darkening sky.

“ so why do it then? “

“ to ensure that the process is seen as fair, despite the favour repeatedly falling to my brother. “

Nodding in understanding, you finally realise why there is a darkness that swirls over his head now he speaks of the topic. Living in the shadow of the golden child is not easy, your heart hurts as you realise that there must be many people who do not see the same man who you see. They see audacity instead of a daringness, to mistake him for an egotistical know it all instead of someone who has a thirst for knowledge and tricks.

“ never did they wish to stop viewing me as a troublesome child, I suppose I never aided in changing that. “

Nothing falls from your lips, knowing no words could do justice for what you need him to know, to feel. Twisting yourself onto your knees, you lean forward and allow your arms to provide him comfort as they surround his neck. One hand raises to rest in the dense raven locks of hair you constantly marvel over, moving ever so softly to trace patterns.

“ I’m sorry. “ you mumble softly, wanting to say more, but you can’t help but resign yourself to being unable to say anything meaningful. Instead, figuring it would be better, first, for him to speak his emotions without looking for any advice.

“ you’ve nothing to apologise for. The pieces will fall as they should. “ he comforts, whining to himself over the absence of your warmth as you withdraw the embrace.

“ Loki, what do you mean by that? “

“ nothing for you to worry yourself over, my dove. “ he shakes his head, as a chuckle that is short accompanies it, contains little genuine amusement to settle you.

“ I’m being serious, what are you talking about? “ your demand is light in touch, though your gaze holds an unrelenting strength as he looks towards you once more.

“ again, nothing that requires your concern. Midgardians, you worry too much. “

“ over things that can get the people we love into trouble, of course. “

His heart pauses in beating as the words seep into his mind, realising exactly what you spoke. Briefly, does he wonder if he misheard you, thought deep down he knows what you spoke.

“ did you ⎯ ? “ an unrecognisable vulnerability crosses his expression as he begins to ask what you had said, to hear it again as if for the first time.

A reddening of you cheeks can be seen, you look down with a sheepish grin. This had not been the way you had imagined using the love word. Of course, over the years of your life many things had not gone to plan, so this was just another instance in a long, long line of events that just got away from you. While you know there is something mutual, you can’t bring yourself to look upon him just yet.

“ you heard me correctly. “

Elation swells within him, even the thought of perhaps you would prefer Thor had you met him first could not creep more than a few feet before being banished from sight and mind, it’s not something he wants to entertain. Especially for what he has in mind to plan for the future. Instead, he allows himself to be engulfed in your love, to experience the last piece of goodness that has been reserved for him, knowing it won’t last.

All you feel from your dropped gaze is your nose being nudged by his, then the weight of his lips on your own. Moving together as if they are fighting to mould into one, fitting together so well. Both of you are left breathless, momentarily caught in the feeling of the other that oxygen is the last thing on your mind.

“ do not trouble yourself over events that have not come to pass yet. Especially on an evening as fine as this. “

The corner of your lips tilt higher as your turn away from him to peer over the surroundings you had briefly forgotten. The burnt colours had long since faded into darkness, the stars being the only light as they can only be likened to being glitter in the night’s sky. A true beauty.

“ I love nights like these, where you can see all of the stars. “

“ you’d be besotted with Asgard’s constellations. “

You’d settled back into the position you were in previously, with arms encompassing you protectively with your back secured firmly to his chest. Loki explains the beauty of Asgard, and how even in the day the stars can still be seen against the shining vividness of the colours of their sky. Quarrelling against the gold hues from both the sun and the palace he knows only as his home.

“ that sounds wonderful. “ you whisper, feeling fatigue sneaking its way to the forefront of your mind.

“ it truly is a beauty to see. “ agreeing with you, resting his head upon yours. Wishing nothing more than to be able to stay there in that moment forever.

“ I wish I could see it. I’m very jealous right now. “

He can feel you becoming increasingly drowsy, flattered that you would even let your guard enough to even allow sleep to touch you. Having you on Asgard would certainly make him a happier person, to have someone who isn’t his mother understand him would be freeing. Though his father would die before he allowed that to happen, a mortal on Asgard.

“ Perhaps one day. “

Loki can’t be sure if you even heard that, but it’s something he wants to entertain. Besides, what is the use of being a master of mischief and tricks if he couldn’t make such a desire come true?

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Omg could you please make a part two of an S/O who's stupid good with kids but with Shinsou, tamaki, deku, and aizawa??

This is a lil long bc it was 4 characters! And I kinda changed Aizawa up a little bit so I hope you still like it.

Deku-

• Shit happens

• Shit happens all the time

• This specific incident involved a quirk manifestation and a child.

• You and two had just been walking

• Just chilling out after a rigorous training day

• Then there was screaming and panicking. Your head snapped in its direction, he hadn't fully processed it before you'd taken off

• Some kids quirk had manifested. It seemed pretty severe.

• It looked like some kind of energy quirk, like a force field or something.

• The kid was scared, she was panicking and thrashing from her place in the air

• He stood behind you, surveying the environment to find a solution

• And he almost missed you jumping in until her heard your voice.

"Okay baby, look at me, just look at me and breathe. You'll be okay, Just breathe."

• You were walking towards her, trying to get her to slow her breaths. The more she panicked the worse it would get.

• He stood where he was, he didn't want to overwhelm her, he decided he'd let you take care of it.

• He watched quietly as you breathed with her, again reassuring that'd she'd be just fine.

• And he watched as the field flickered away and the girl fell. His body lurched foward on instinct and he was beyond relieved when he saw that you had caught her.

• He let out a breath as the girl gripped your shirt and sobbed into your shoulder.

• A hand reached up to hold the back of her head

• "it's okay," you murmured and he smiled

• It seemed to come easy to you, nurturing people. It seemed to come easy calming this girl down.

• He turned his attention to reassuring the bystanders that the two of you were okay and that you'd be taking the girl home. They dispersed slowly after his urging for them to leave.

• You were standing now, the girl still in your arms, holding on for dear life.

• Poor thing was still shaking

• "Look," you hummed. "This is my friend, he's going to walk with us to get you home. That okay?"

• Your hand was rubbing her back now and your cheek was pressed against her temple

• Dekus heart fluttered

• God you were beautiful

• And strong

• And just everything he ever wanted

• The small girl nodded, keeping her face hidden, whispering a soft sorry

• "Don't be sorry princess, you didn't do anything wrong." You pressed a kiss to the top of her head and Deku sees the girls grip tighten.

• He has a hand on your lower back during the walk to the girls house, you'd somehow managed to find where it was even with all the crying the girl did

• He watched as you hand the girl over to her mother who profusely thanks you

• Information is traded as she says she wants to make it up to you even after your assurance that it was no trouble at all

• And he's holding your hand again when the two of you leave, going on and on about how well you did in the situation

• He's so proud

Shinsou:

• He realizes just how good with kids you are when he she's you interact with Eri

• I mean everytime the two of you are together its wholesome

• He takes note when Aizawa tries to apologize for her always being with you and you brush it off

• You enjoyed her company and found no problem in it

• Shinsou tucked that piece away for later

• The girl adored you, genuinely

• And you stopped at nothing to make sure she was okay

• She'd spend a lot of time in the 1-A dorms with you, just as he would.

• If she said she was hungry, you'd be up to make her food in no time

• If she cried, you'd have her on your lap, wiping the tears from her cheeks as you assured her it was okay

• and he'd watch, soft smile gracing his lips

• She'd spent the night with you on more than one occasion

• Nightmares were prominent with Eri

• Staying with you seemed to help that

• He'd sit beside you as you braided her hair

• He'd listen to her ramble to you and he'd watch you nod and hum in response

• He'll lay on one side of you and Eri will lay on the other side, curled into your side as she watches whatever disney movie she picked

• and his heart will swell when the two of you sing along to the songs

• When Eries feeling down, she comes to you for comfort

• You'll tell her how beautiful she is

• He'll watch you hold her to your chest and rub her back

• He watches you play with her hair, kiss her cheeks, telling her how amazing she is

• How you're lucky to have her with you

• He'll watch as she falls asleep in your arms, content

• And it always makes him realizes just how lucky he is to be with you

• How lucky he is to have /you/

• How lucky Eri is to have you

• I mean this man fr fr in love w you

• This one time, you and shinsou had fallen asleep watching a movie, it was about 3am when there was a small knock on the door

• You get up to answer it and Shinsou wakes up to you getting up

• Sure enough its Eri, she's sniffling and holding her stuffed animal

• And immediately your kneeling in front of her wiping her cheeks

• "Baby what's wrong?"

"I had a nightmare...I didn't want to wake mr. Aizawa up. I didn't want to make him mad..."

"Oh honey," you kiss her nose and pick her up, rubbing her back in response to her small whine. "You want some tea? Then you can stay with me for the night? We can tell Mr. Aizawa in the morning, he won't get mad."

She nods, laying her head on your shoulder. "Hi Shinsou," she waves weakly. "I'm sorry for waking you up too."

"Hi Eri," and he gets up too, walking over and running a hand through her hair. "It's okay, you're safe here. We won't let anything happen to you."

She nods again

He follows the two of you down the hallway and to the kitchen

Mina, Kaminari, and Sero are still up on the couch. He snickers as you glare at them.

"You guys should be asleep. Get out."

Mina groans and Sero grins knowingly, pulling the other two out.

• I mean shinous heart is melting rn

• you're like totally momming out

• You've got Eri in one arm, humming by her ear as you turned the stove on to get a kettle boiling

• You're swaying gently, readjusting her so she's in the center of your chest

• you run a hand through her hair and she smiles

• And Shinsou swears he could die right there

• Just looking at you interacting with the kid he considers a little sister is enough to kill him fr fr

• His poor heart can't take much more

• Eri lifts her little hands up to cup your cheeks. "You're not going to leave right?"

"Never ever," you smiled, touching your nose to hers.

Then she looked at Shinsou and this man about passed out. "Never." He puts a hand on her head. "We'll always be here,"

• The tea is made, the three of you drink it at the table, bent on getting Eris mind off her nightmare

• And then you carry her upstairs again and down the hall into your bedroom.

• the three of you settle down and you out on a movie (volume low of course) that she can fall asleep too and it's not long before she's out, pressed into your side.

• Shinsou smiles and kisses your temple. "I love you, you know,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I love you too. Now stop being a sap, its gross." You stick your tongue out and he let's out a low chuckle.

"You're good with her."

"I want her to be happy," you mumble. "She deserves that at least. And if the world doesnt have anyone else doing it, then I'll do it."

He kisses your temple again. "I know."

• Ever since Eri came to live in the dorms, you've gotten up earlier, mostly to make the girl breakfast

• The whole class realizes it, sometimes they'll try to steal some but you'll obliterate them for trying

• You've always got Eri in some proximity to you when you're cooking. Usually she'll watch

• Shinsou finds himself sneaking into the 1A dorms in the mornings (much to his classes distaste) but how could he not?

Aizawa-

• He realizes that you talk a lot of shit about how much you 'hate kids' but when it comes to them, you're always doing your best to make sure they're comfortable and happy

• Its another pro hero moment

• His class is attacked and you happen to be there and this man watches you go FERAL protecting these fucking teenagers and his heart swells and he'd filled with so much fucking pride

• The dumbass villain who fuckin tried is now on the ground in front of you completely beat to a pulp

• Poor guy had no chance

• As soon as you knew he was out your attention had turned to the kids behind you

• You checked for injuries, concussions, made sure they felt okay

• Mina looks like she's on the verge of tears, deadass hits you with 'can you be my mom?????'

• Kaminari and Sero are nodding in agreement. 'Pls'

• He tried to tease you about it

• "Shouta I'll knock your ass out too, shut your fucking mouth,"

• 'Reluctantly' becomes class mom

• Deadass

• You find yourself bringing snacks or making them something and Shouta brings it in 🤢

• Ur like oh god ew

• 'Shouta take this shit in for ur fuckin kids'

'You mean OUR kids'

• That was instance one

• Happens again but this time in the city during a robbery with smaller kids, much smaller

• And you don't waste a second, you're by their side

• Checking to make sure none if them are physically hurt

• So then you work on calming them down, telling them to breathe and just look at you

• Gently rubbing they're cheeks and keeping them close to you

• Shoutas 🥺

• Midnights 🥺

• Hizashis 🥺

• "M scared-"

"I know baby, but its gonna be okay. We won't let anything happen, okay?"

• And you carry these little fuckers out

• Ones on your back

• You've got one on each hip

• And another sitting on your shoulders

• Aizawa see's right through you

• "So...you say you don't like kids??"

"Hizashi I will LITERALLY hang you by your underwear, get away from me."

• God one time he see's you singing to this kid who's panicking and he deadass thinks he's gonna cry bc you're so precious

• And then Eri comes into the picture and you dont even pretend to hate kids anymore

• This child becomes your daughter

• And he's v happy about it because he wasn't one to really think about having kids

• But he's not gonna let Eri go, she's been through to much

• Not to mention practically adopting shinsou

• He's glad you're doing well with them

• They've seen your soft sides, much to your distaste, but they dont know that

• speaking of shinsou

• You do lowkey mom him

• Not to a super extent

• You're more like the cool aunt w mom tendencies

• But they're both happy to have some consistencies

• Shinsou knows that he's always welcome to come talk to you (and Aizawa but you know sometimes shit pops up that he's not particularly comfy w and you seem to be good at that)

• And he does

• Aizawa has accidently overheard his fair share of conversations between you two

• It always makes him happy that you all connect on that level

• I mean he wouldn't mind having a biological child

• But he's content with the family dynamic they have rn

• as much as you deny it you'd be a great mother

Tamaki:

• Tamaki isn't /bad/ w kids but he's not super great with them either

• Anxiety do be a bitch

• You always seem to ease up around kids

• He likes to watch

• Kids just seem to gravitate towards you, regardless of where you are, genuinely

• At the park? Oh boy he's ready to watch you interact with the kiddos

• Restaurant? Oh yeah, he's ready for some 5 year old to waddle up and talk.

• But in particularly rough situations, he's always super impressed. You seem to do WONDERS to calm kids down.

• The other pro heros could never.

• Endeavor? No.

• All might? Who she?

• No baby, it's all you.

• Anyway, one time, yall were out on a date.

• Y'all were f i s h i n g

• Aka you had been itching to go outside and decide to teach Amijiki to fish and he agreed bc why not

• So there you are, outside in the hot sun, in a crop top and shorts on a dock

• He's about 6 feet away, still talking distance, but far enough so your lines wouldn't get tangled

• He's not having a bad time at all, he's trying to ignore anyone else that might be there

• bc he wants to be w you and is tired of his anxiety getting in the way

• anyway, he almost misses the little girl that walks up.

• He looks over and she looks like she's gonna cry.

• She prolly has anxiety too tbh

• "Um...can-can you help me?"

• you look down and smile, "yes ma'am, what can I do for you?"

She held up her own small rod. "I uh...I lost my hook and I forgot how my dad tied everything on.."

"Want me to show you?"

"Yes please," her gaze flickered down.

"Okay first things first, do you have sun screen and water?"

She shook her head.

• So before you do anything, he watches you spray sunscreen on the little girl and give her a water bottle, which she only takes after you reassure that it's okay for her to have

• Then you call him over

"Amajiki, baby come here so I can show you how to do it too."

And he listens, reeling his line in and sitting next to you

"This is Amajiki, he's my friend okay? I'm teaching him how to fish too."

• The girl seems to relax at that and you get to work

• But he's not paying attention to what you're actually doing

• He's watching you

• You've got a bright smile on, your voice is soft as you show her the steps

• And once you get done tying the swivel on and putting a hook on, you hand her a worm

"Go on, bait it,"

• The girl does so with a small comfortable smile

• His heart melts

• You're just so damn good with them like you're literally a goddess already

• And this just makes it better

• You show her how to cast right and then she's all set

• She ends up sitting with you two for a little over an hour

• Then she waves goodbye and bounds off

• Amajiki kisses your nose gently. "You're so cool, bunny."

"You big sap, she told me you were her favorite hero. Did you zone out or something."

"Yeah," his face flushed. "I did."

[jjmaebank]

wish you were gay - jj maybank

A/N: So I wrote this based off my own first heartbreak haha fun! Yeah fr, this all comes from the heart and I literally poured my real emotions and experience into this so it’s really special to me. The song ‘wish you were gay’ by Billie Eilish just reminds me of it cuz I listened to it on repeat getting over it and I related to it. If you haven’t heard it I highly recommend! Also italics are flashbacks!

Summary: you and JJ had something you thought was real, you fell for him and you thought he’d fallen for you too, but this becomes an evident lie as he makes a rash decision that ends in disaster.

Warnings: angst, heartbreak

Words: 1,802

+

Heartbreak. Heartbreak is a perpetual feeling that something bad is about to happen. It’s grief, fur-lined with fear that joy has forever escaped you, that there will be no happily ever after for you. Heartbreak is a tightness in your chest; it makes air feel like razor blades moving through you. It’s waking up in the morning and having three seconds where you don’t remember, and those three seconds will be the only part of the day where the dread doesn’t sit and fester in your gut.

Heartbreak was what you were feeling. After a full day of acting alright, like everything was fine and going back to normal, you’d go home and cry. You’d cry until your body was physically exhausted, to the point where you had no tears left, to the point where your face was sore. You’d cry until you felt physically and emotionally drained and then you would just lay in your bed staring up at your blank ceiling, basking in your own self-pity.

What had gone so terribly wrong? You couldn’t wrap your head around it even weeks afterwards. It kept you up at night, gnawed at you incessantly, played in the back of your mind constantly. Were you unlovable? Were you never going to be good enough for anyone? Why was it that everyone you let in pushed you away, abandoned you as soon as you let your guard down?

+

You and JJ were lying on John B’s couch after a night of partying, the both of you still a little drunk. You were wrapped up in his arms as he stroked your hair and placed sweet kisses on your forehead. You looked up at him in adoration and placed your hands on his bare chest.

“(y/n),” he said nervously, meeting your gaze.

“Yes?” You smiled, his anguish causing your heart rate to quicken.

“I’ve just been thinking, like…we’ve been messing about for a while now…and I guess I uh don’t really know what we are, but I know that I um…like you, like a lot…” he blabbered, removing his hand from you waist to scratch the back of his neck.

You continued staring at him, your mouth curling up in a smile as you felt him squirm underneath you as he tried to pluck up the courage to say what he’d been meaning to for weeks now.

“I guess…I uh guess this is me asking whether you wanna go out with me?” He asked, avoiding eye contact, too scared to see your reaction.

You grabbed his chin gently and tilted his head down to look at you.

“You want me to be your girlfriend?” You smiled. You’d wanted to hear those words for a while now.

“I- uh, yeah,” he replied nervously.

“Well then, yes,” you grinned, watching his eyes widen and his cheeks go crimson.

“Yes? As in yes you want to be my girlfriend?” He stuttered.

“What else would I be saying yes to you dumbass,” you chuckled, making him go red.

He pulled you into a tighter embrace, his whole being consumed by joy.

“Thank god,” he gasped, “that shit was scary.”

+

You remembered that night clearly, you’d never been so elated. The confusion and uncertainty between the two of you completely erased as you finally confessed your feelings for one another. You’d never felt so good in your life. You loved him, you hadn’t told him that yet, but he wanted you to be his girlfriend and that was enough for you at the time. You finally got the clarity you needed, that he was yours and you were his and nothing would change that…or so you thought.

It didn’t take long for things to go south between you and JJ, perhaps a little over a month. One of the best months of your life soon turned into the worst, all in one night.

+

“What is up with you?” You yelled at JJ. He’d been ignoring you all week, coming up with excuses not to see you and avoiding your texts and calls.

“I’ve just been busy, alright!” He yelled back, his voice laced in frustration. He was keeping something from you.

“Bullshit, J! You’re not too busy for John B, for Pope, for Kie! You’re apparently only too busy for me!” You shouted. “What aren’t you telling me?”

JJ sighed and sat down on John B’s couch, running his hands through his messy hair.

“Did I do something?” You whispered, sitting down across from him.

“No…no…” JJ shook his head, staring down at the wooden floorboards.

“Then what is it?” You pleaded, your voice threatening to crack at any moment. “Why don’t you talk to me anymore?”

“I fucked up (y/n)…” JJ said, finally looking up at you. His eyes showed pity, guilt even.

Your heart felt like it had sunk to your feet. What did he mean he fucked up? Had he cheated? A million thoughts raced through your mind as you processed his words.

“W-what do you mean?” You stuttered, your heart now beating at a speed you didn’t know to be humanly possible.

“I lied to you (y/n),” his lip trembled; he was holding himself back from crying. You’d only seen JJ cry once, after telling you about his father, so it scared you that he was showing signs of it again.

“You lied? What do you mean you lied, JJ?” You asked, your voice raised yet still shaky.

“I told you I wanted you to be my girlfriend,” he stated, his eyes still glazed with guilt.

Your breath hitched as you took in his words. Out of the million things that had crossed your mind, this was not one of them.

“I’m so sorry, (y/n), I really thought I wanted this…” he continued, his voice strained. “We had a lot of fun and I really like hanging out with you, but I just…I can’t do this…us…”

You felt sick. You felt a sob making its way up your throat as you felt your heart breaking, shattering into tiny pieces.

“So this was all a lie?” You choked, “I never meant anything to you?”

You could see the hurt in his eyes seeing what he’d done to you.

“I’m so, so sorry (y/n),” he shook his head, “I never meant to hurt you.”

“Bullshit!” You stood up from your seat, tears streaming down your face. “You don’t just fuck with someone’s feelings on accident!”

“We were drunk (y/n)!” JJ stood up. “I thought I knew how I felt, but I didn’t and I’m sorry! I was wrong okay? Fuck! I was wrong!”

“Alcohol doesn’t give you feelings for someone out of the blue, JJ,” you cried, “so you must’ve lied that night. You must’ve lied right to my face when you told me you liked me! When you told me you wanted me to be yours!”

You could barely see through your tear coated eyes and the taste of salt stung your lips.

JJ simply stood there in silence, shame overcoming him. He knew he was an idiot and he hated himself for it. He cared for you, he really did, but he knew leading you on anymore would just hurt you more than he already had.

“I just don’t think I’m a relationship type of guy (y/n)…I’ve tried but I can’t be the guy you want me to be… I’m sorry…” he sighed, sticking his hands into the pockets of his cargo shorts, biting his lip and sniffling.

“To think I was going to tell you I loved you…” you muttered, wiping your tears with the back of your hand.

JJ’s eyes widened at your confession, “(y/n)…I-”

“Save it, JJ,” you interrupted, “You’ve made it very clear how you feel.”

“I’m so sorry, so fucking sorry,” he mumbled, letting a single tear slip down his cheek.

“I really hope you are,” you cried grabbing your stuff, “and I hope that you never do this to anyone ever again.”

+

JJ Maybank had broken your heart, that was a fact. The first boy to make you feel wanted, worthy, was the same to absolutely ruin you. You spent countless nights crying yourself to sleep, blaming yourself for what had happened, convincing yourself that you could never be loved. You had to spend time away from the pogues at first, you couldn’t bear to see JJ, you wouldn’t let him see what he’d done to you just. For him to pity you.

You were so embarrassed by what had happened that you longed to blame it on anything other than the truth, the truth that JJ simply didn’t love you and he never would. But what hurt the most was thinking that he could have. The time you spent together felt so real that you couldn’t comprehend how he could discard it with such ease, just pretend like it had never even happened. He’d given you a taste of the happiness you’d craved so dearly and then ripped it away from you in the blink of an eye, that’swhat hurt the most.

What a fool you were, thinking a boy notorious for one night stands and meaningless hook ups could ever settle down permanently with the likes of you. You dreamed of being the one who he came to when he was sad, of being the first person he confided in after a beating from his father, but that’s all it was, a dream. He hardly let you in, despite your many efforts. The truth was you weren’t the first thing he thought of when he woke up, or the last thing before he fell asleep. He didn’t fantasise about your lips and the way it felt to kiss you, or how it felt to hold you or hear you laugh; he took you for granted.

You wished you could have been that girl in the movies, the girl that gets the player to change his ways and fall for her, the girl that makes him never want to be with anyone else ever again, but you weren’t her and you never would be.

+

A/N: whoooosh I haven’t written in a good 2 weeks or something so idk there you have it

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If you want to be removed from my tag list at anytime just drop me and ask or message me! No offence taken lol. And if you want to be added just click the link in my bio :))

[hellsbellschime]

i know you kept up with frenemies before and i've been wondering if you kept up with the recent drama. trisha left and used clickbait that implies that ethan sexually harrassed her and said in front of all the FR workers that they didn't deserve their payment. and tons of other drama. it's so sad, because i know trisha is problematic but i felt for her and i thought she was really going to change but then she does the same shit all over again. i feel really bad for ethan.. and for trisha too

Yeah I've kept up with it but I have not heard anything about Trisha saying she was sexually harassed and I also thought she has said like a million times that she didn't mean to diss the crew at all. It's messy as hell and it's unfortunate that she's having this spiral, but hopefully she'll come out of it and she and Ethan will make up, regardless of whether or not they actually restart the podcast.

Mental illness isn't something that can be "fixed" nor is it something that can be managed perfectly forever, so the fact that Trisha had an outburst doesn't mean that the improvements she made are meaningless nor does it mean that she should give up, and I think the mentality that she hasn't changed or can't change is a really negative way of looking at people dealing with mental illnesses. She's clearly fucking up, has fucked up before, and needs to be held accountable for all of it, but she did handle this blowup better than she has in the past and she also managed to go like a year without having one of these public meltdowns, which is progress.

Ultimately, I think that the podcast probably should have gone on hiatus earlier, as someone who spent my entire life dealing with a bipolar person I noticed her starting to show signs of impending mania for a few episodes before this all happened, and it does suck that it devolved to the point that it did. I think Ethan made a lot of great points in his video and it made me feel like they definitely needed to take a break, and I think that if they bring the podcast back then they need to take breaks like that because the nature of what Trisha is dealing with just means that sometimes it's going to be a lot harder to maintain so taking a step back is probably for the best.

Also I have no FUCKING CLUE why they decided to talk about Blabbie Hanna, like again Trisha's behavior is all on her and if she sees a trigger coming she needs to handle it better, but JESUS CHRIST like yeah she came in saying she was in a bad mood and then spent the whole first hour of the show talking about something extremely triggering (and visibly pulled herself back from going into a triggered tailspin multiple times during that conversation) and then oh so shockingly got triggered later and went off on Ethan for barely any reason and kept going off for like two days afterward. I understand that she has been harassed by Gabbie literally for months and it's honestly impressive that someone with borderline managed to hold it down for that long, but saying something at all was probably a mistake and talking about it and then expecting to move on to random podcast bits was an even bigger mistake.

Regardless of the entertainment factor of the podcast, they both need to do whatever is best for their mental health, and obviously not doing Frenemies for the time being is what's best for both of them. Trisha remains problematic as fuck but the narrative that she hasn't changed at all I think is what's rubbing me the wrong way about this drama the most, tbh a lot of what she has said and done makes me really uncomfortable but I also recognize that mental illnesses are chronic and she's obviously dealing with a pretty severe one, so having a few days of bad behavior after a year of significant improvement doesn't mean that someone hasn't changed at all, and I feel like all people dealing with mental illnesses are probably harmed by the notion that if they ever fuck up again then any work they put into changing is null and void. But we'll see what happens and I hope that Ethan and Trisha do whatever is best for them.

[maraudererasmut]

Black and White (Part XXVIII)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV | Part XV | Part XVI | Part XVII | Part XVIII | Part XIX | Part XX | Part XXI | Part XXII | Part XXIII | Part XXIV | Part XXV | Part XXVI | Part XXVII | Part XXVIII | Part XXIX

((Remind me again why I chose to use Roman Numerals for the chapters?! Anyway... ENJOY!!! <3))

Remus arrived at Black and White early in the afternoon, wearing his one and only suit. He was clean-shaven, his hair was brushed, and he looked as presentable as he could manage, all things considered.

As he entered the gallery, he noticed that there were already a few people there. James and Lily were walking around, organizing tables with food and pamphlets. There was a makeshift bar set up, where a server was sorting the alcohol and setting out glasses. Sirius was talking with a member of the waitstaff, giving directions and explaining what needed to be done throughout the night.

Still feeling the weight of anxiety pressing heavily on his shoulders, Remus headed over to the bar.

"Hey…" He managed to get out, smiling at the woman behind the counter. She gave him a confused look. "Oh, uh… I'm one of the artists. I'm… I'm allowed to be here, I promise."

"Oh!" She said, beaming at Remus. "Well, your work is very beautiful!"

"Ah… thanks…" Remus felt himself smile, despite the whole Sirius situation; it was really nice to be complimented on his work and it happened so rarely in his life. The bartender returned his grin, a slight flush falling across her cheeks.

"You'd better get used to people saying that. This night is all about you and your art."

"Heh… yeah," Remus answered awkwardly. "I suppose it is."

"You look like you could use a glass of wine…"

"You know what…" Remus eyed the collection of fancy wines behind the bar; wines that he was allowed to try for free thanks to his art. He had worked hard to get to this point, and regardless of how his personal life was looking, he knew he should still take a moment to be proud of himself. He had come so far in just a few weeks. "I think I will have one. I deserve it."

The bartender poured Remus a glass, which he graciously accepted and brought with him as he walked through the gallery. He paused in front of his most recent work, taking in the depth of the painting, remembering his emotions as he had brought it to life. He was still experiencing the same turmoil, still struggling through the same complex feelings.  

"Do not get drunk tonight," a voice said from behind the artist.

Remus froze, feeling his stomach tighten and his shoulders tense. He turned around to face Sirius, hardening his expression.

"It's a glass of wine, Sirius. I think I'm entitled to it," he spat, glaring at the gallery owner. Sirius was purposefully causing trouble at this point.

"Yes, well, we don't want any mean old gallery owners taking advantage of you when you pass out." Sirius had a sneer on his face as he taunted Remus, and the artist clenched his fists in fury.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Sirius?!" Remus' voice was louder than he intended and it rang through the gallery, echoing across the walls.

Sirius was about to retort, most likely some snide comment, when James approached them.

"Office. Both of you. Now!"

Remus had never seen James that angry before. His voice was sharp and aggressive, paired with a deep crimson glow spreading across his cheeks. The dark umber of his eyes flashed with intensity. Remus shrunk before his penetrating glare, feeling surprisingly small before the other man.

"This is my gallery, Potter! You can't tell me what to do!"

"Sirius, you're embarrassing yourself," James growled, stepping towards the gallery owner. "There are people here. Act professional. You and Remus need to go into your office and sort this shit out, do you understand me?"

Sirius looked like he was deliberating, considering his retort, before he changed his mind and turned around in a huff. He marched himself straight to the gallery office and Remus dutifully followed, feeling like a child that had just been scolded.

Once the two of them were in the office, James stuck his head through the door.

"If this isn't settled by the time the show opens, so help me—"

"Yes, James," Sirius grumbled, acting more like James' son than his brother.

James left Remus and Sirius alone in the office, closing the door behind him. Once they were by themselves, Sirius turned to Remus, glaring at him expectantly.

"Well?"

"Well what?" Remus snapped angrily. He was tired of Sirius playing games with him. He understood that he did something wrong, but the gallery owner had no right to provoke him and try to draw a reaction. "You're the one who came up to me!"

Sirius crossed his arms and let out a pfft while rolling his eyes.

"I was just making sure that you knew not to get drunk this evening, so as to not repeat past mistakes."

"Fuck off!" Remus yelled, forgetting himself for a moment and allowing his frustration to take over. "You know what? Yeah! I thought we hooked up while I was drunk! Is that such an absurd thought?! Is it really so farfetched that I thought I had sex with you?!"

Sirius looked taken aback.

"Yes, Remus! You were drunk!" He was clearly upset, his pale skin turning a bright shade of red across his cheeks and ears.

"So what?!" Remus shouted, finally putting words to the feelings that had been boiling up inside of him. "I thought we fucked! I've spent the past three weeks thinking about it, of course I'd assume that Drunk Remus would act on it!"

Sirius' mouth was hanging open. He blinked.

"You…"

Sirius was at a loss for words. Remus rolled his eyes and continued his tirade.

"Yeah. There it is. The whole damn truth. Pathetic little Remus had feelings for Sirius! Laugh it up! Tell me how stupid it is that someone like me could even fathom being with someone like you! I know it's insane! I get that! And I know I'm an idiot for thinking it could actually happen! And I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I thought we had sex! I'm sorry it felt like I thought you were a bad person! I didn't. I just assumed that… maybe… I just…"

Remus cut himself off. What did he assume?

"... you're not an idiot." Sirius muttered, his eyes drifting down slightly.

"Shut up, Sirius! Just… shut up! I don't need your pity! I don't need everyone's pity! I don't need people feeling bad for the pathetic artist who isn't good enough to make it on his own!" Remus didn't even know what he was yelling about at this point, he was just yelling. He was getting all of his feelings out, the ones that didn't fit into his paintings, and he seemed to have broken the damn.

"I don't think you're pathetic..."

"God dammit, Sirius! I just… I thought maybe… just maybe… there was a chance that… that you liked me too. That's why I assumed we had sex. I just… part of me… and it's so stupid, I know that. I see that now. I just didn't realize it at the time."

"... you're not stupid."

Remus stared at Sirius, completely floored. What was Sirius playing at? A moment ago, he had been inexplicably rude to Remus. Why would his tune change so suddenly?

"Don't patronize me! Don't you think you've made me feel bad enough?! I never meant to accuse you of anything! It was a mistake!"

"...I know."

Remus stopped. He stared open-mouthed at the man before him, whose face was crestfallen and… guilty?

"You know?! Yesterday you yelled at me about this!"

"I didn't know yesterday. But… I get it now."

"What are you talking about?!"

"I— I hadn't realized…" Sirius looked up at Remus, stormy grey eyes clouded with remorse. He looked lost, sincere, authentically apologetic. Remus felt his breath catch in his chest as he stared into Sirius' eyes, remembering their night together talking in the gallery. It had been so honest — a different side to Sirius that rarely came out.

"What hadn't you realized, Sirius?" Remus' voice was quivering. He was still upset, but he wasn't shouting. He didn't feel like he needed to yell anymore in order to be heard.

"I— I didn't know that you— that you wanted— " Sirius' body moved forward the slightest amount, an infinitesimally small step that brought their two worlds that much closer together. "I didn't realize that you had feelings for me."

"Fuck off," Remus swore, rolling his eyes. "Of course you knew. You've spent the past few weeks shamelessly flirting with me! Only now I realize that I was just a plaything for you." Remus didn't notice how harsh his words were until he saw the hurt painted across Sirius' features. "Is— isn't that what you were doing?"

"I… I flirted with you because I liked you, Remus… I just assumed you…" Sirius eyes flickered away for just a moment. "You never flirted back, I just assumed you weren't interested."

Remus stared at Sirius, confusion written across his face.

"The fuck? Sirius, you're… you're the gallery owner. Of course I couldn't— I just— what the hell is going on?" The artist ran a hand through his curls, trying to think, trying to sort out the past few weeks in his mind. "Then what was that out there?" He gestured wildly towards the rest of the gallery. "What the hell was that?"

"I was mad, Remus! I thought… I thought you had blamed me! I thought that you thought that I took advantage of you!" Sirius scrunched his face up in frustration— still looking surprisingly attractive— before brushing his bangs away from his eyes. "I was mad when you left and assumed we did it because I thought you thought the worst of me. I was hurt."

"I told you—"

"I know! I just… it never crossed my mind that… that you thought we hooked up because it was something you wanted to do… it just… never occurred to me that— that you'd even want to!"

"Of course I'd fucking want to…" Remus mumbled before he caught himself. "Shit… I mean… not that… I just—"

Before Remus could explain to the gallery owner why he just admitted to wanting to have sex with him, Sirius was suddenly there, in front of Remus, raising a hand to brush an errant curl from the artist's eyes. Remus blinked up into swirling blues and greys, wondering what the hell happened in the last few minutes that caused this.

"Sirius, I—"

"Remus…" Sirius muttered, barely audibly, the name lilting off his tongue. The pad of Sirius' thumb grazed Remus' cheek, an almost imperceptible touch of skin on skin. "Remus, I fancy you. I have for a while now. And I probably should have told you sooner."

"B— but…" Remus stammered, trying to make sense of everything. "But you were so mean out there… and— and— and you were so mad at me!"

"I was an idiot. I didn't think someone as perfect as you could ever care about someone as broken as me. And I built up barriers between us... I am so sorry."

Sirius' voice was tender, affectionate, paired with such an earnest gleam in his eyes. Remus felt himself melting before Sirius' smouldering gaze, felt the wall between them finally shatter.

"I'm not perfect…" Remus mumbled. It was all he could think to say in response.

"I want to kiss you…" Sirius' words were barely a whisper, and Remus' heart was racing. His mind flashed back to the previous weekend, the feeling of Sirius' lips against his own, the way their mouths moved. Remus wanted this, more than anything, but he felt a tug in his stomach. The voice in his head was warning him against this, reminding him of their dynamic, of gallery owner and artist. Sirius was in a position of power over him, and yet…

Sirius hadn't moved. He was waiting for Remus to respond. He refused to act on anything without Remus' express consent.

Remus closed his eyes and closed the gap, pressing his lips into Sirius'. He felt Sirius' hand cup his face, the other one weaving around his body. He felt Sirius' lips moving in sync with his own. Remus could have sworn that he was floating, his feet lifting off the ground. He felt fireworks in his stomach, exploding and crackling and causing a ruckus so loud, he was sure Sirius could hear it.

This was exactly where Remus wanted to be— where he wanted to spend the rest of his life— right there in Sirius' arms.

Knock knock knock.

Remus almost yelped, he was so startled. He immediately pulled away from Sirius, breaking their connection and the magic that tied them together. The expression on Sirius' face told Remus that he was equally as surprised and dismayed.

"I don't hear yelling. Should I be happy, or is one of you dead?"

Sirius cleared his throat and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"N— No one's dead, Potter. Don't worry." He turned to Remus and offered a sheepish smile before straightening himself up and adjusting his tie. "I think… I think things are worked out."

Sirius gave one last glance over to Remus, who was still standing there, mouth agape, wondering what was going on. Sirius reached out and gently brushed his fingers against Remus' arm, offering the artist a timid grin filled with emotion. Then, as if transforming into a different person altogether, Sirius turned around and threw his Gallery Owner smile onto his face.

Sirius opened the door and nodded at James, who was waiting just outside of the office.

"Not to worry, Potter. Remus has assured me that this misunderstanding won't happen again."

The artist stood in the office for a moment, briefly considering staying there all night. He shook his head out, rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, and took a page from Sirius' book. The man who emerged from the office was Artist Remus: feigning confidence and ready to perform the song and dance required of him to sell his work.

((So? Was it all worth the wait? ;) ))

[itsskythoo]

She never knew what would have happened, she never imagined that one simple thing would cause her to lose the love of her life. She didn't know by accepting to go to Hogwarts with her bestfriends she would have met the love of her life, or that the love of her life would end up dead in her arms because of a grave mistake she made. Draco Malfoy is the reason that the love of her life was dead and she would make him pay if it was the last thing she did.

Skys pov

7 and a half years ago I started school with my best friend, Ron Weasley. It was one of the best experiences ever, with many surprises along the way. One of these being I fell in love with Ron's brother, Fred. As long as I’d known the family, Fred always helped me with things and helped me pull pranks on my friends. I had always looked up to him, but I didn’t mean to fall in love with him. Ron and I even had a list of “rules” and a certain rule said I was not allowed to fall in love with his siblings. Funny how things happened.

~YEAR ONE~

“Ron how much of an idiot could you be to say that to her after everything she's helped you with already”

I had screamed at my red faced best friend. He had once again not used his head and told Hermoine Granger how much of a know it all she was. Not that he was wrong, but it was uncalled for. “Sky is right Ron, she just helped you in charms class and you humiliated her in return,” Harry agreed. Ron just looked at us like we were insane for calling him out.

“Oh bloody hell not you two ganging up on me.” Ron yelled in the great hall

“You're just mad because you know Sky is right.”

I looked up to see Fred and George joining the conversation. Those two were always getting into trouble, or watching it. Or both. Those boys made everything a bit more interesting and always found a way to make people laugh.

Ron looked at Fred like he just got stabbed in the gut and walked off furiously.

“Bloody hell you've done it now Sky” Harry shouted at me, chasing after Ron. He would come to his senses later on.

I look across the table to where Fred and George now sit and they just smirk at me like they've played the biggest joke.

“What do you guys want,” I glared at them.

George just looks at fred and then back at me and leaves without a single word

“Hey sky” Fred looks at me as if im this puzzle hes trying to figure out

“Yes fred? Can I help you with something” I ask him sarcastically.

“No, I just wanted to tell you that was bloody brilliant of you the way you made Ronald so angry.”

I look at him in shock. I was not expecting that at all.

“It was never my intention to make him angry and even if it was I certainly didn't do it to impress you. Good day Fred.” I silently make my way back to the Slytherin common room, wondering what my time at Hogwarts would bring.

~YEAR TWO~

The summer before my second year at Hogwarts was an amazing experience for me. I traveled all around the world with my parents. Sadly, my parents are close friends with the Malfoys, so I had to spend some time with Draco since our families went on a vacation together. I wasn’t thrilled at the idea but Draco is actually quite mellow and easy to get along with once you get to know him. He asked a lot about Hermione however, asking about how she’s doing. He must have some sort of crush on her, which is odd considering she hates muggle-borns like the rest of his family. My family also dislikes muggle-borns except for me. I’m always the odd one out. My travels around the world made my summer very enjoyable, but I was ready to get back to hogwarts and spend the year with my friends. New adventures await and I am ready. “SKY” I hear someone shout my name on the platform when we reach Hogwarts. I turn, recognizing that voice as easy as my own; “RON” soon i'm tackled to the ground with red hair in my face.

“Bloody hell Ron I missed you too but did you really have to tackle me to the ground!!?”

“Sorry about that Sky, i just haven't seen you all summer. I missed you.”

I look at him in shock before I roll my eyes.

“Don't go getting soft on me Weasley,” I say.

His eyes so wide

“Me? Never. How was your summer sky”

I walk beside him to try and go find harry and hermione

“It was amazing my parents and I traveled a lot”

He looks at me in shock before deciding to speak his mind

“You hate being alone with your parents..how was it amazing?”

“Oh I wasn't alone with them we traveled with the Malfoys and it was quite amazing if i'm being honest”

He looks at me with anger in his eyes before slapping me across the face

“BLOODY HELL RON WHAT WAS THAT FOR”

All eyes in the great hall turn to us both draco and fred look at us and rush over to us

“Stay away from me salvatore.” ron screams at you and in that moment you felt your heart break into a thousand pieces

“Salvatore? Really because I spent the summer with Draco and his family you hate me now?”

I wait for his answer with tears streaming down my cheeks

“You know what he did to me...to my family. You are the only one who knows so yes I hate you. When you decide who your real friends are come find me”

I just look at him in absolute shock

“GO TO HELL WEASLEY”

Fred looks at me with pity before running after his brother. Draco comes closer to me and looks at me;

“Sky?”

I know he's talking but i can't even breathe or register what just happened

“Sky it's me, Draco come on love lets get you out of here”

I don't move or say anything until he touches my arm and pulls me into a hug and that's when i break

“Oh god oh god oh god what did i do oh my god” I break down into sobs and its hard to breathe and everyone is staring at draco and i

“Draco”

I look up at him with fear in my eyes

“I know Sky, come on i'll get you out of here”

Before walking out of the great hall with Draco I see Fred watching me silently asking if i'm okay but i can't deal with anymore weasley drama so i just walk out ignoring his gaze.

A few months later Draco and I have become quite close ever since the breakdown on the first day back. If Draco is not at quidditch practice he's with you, you couldn't find Draco without finding me. I still miss Ron a lot and I miss Harry and Hermione but they hate my guts all because I'm friends with Draco. I still talk to the twins from time to time and I always enjoy that, but it's not the same as having Ron as my best friend.

I was walking to potions with Draco when I felt a shoulder hit mine and I fell to the ground. I looked up to see Ron and some 3rd year laughing. I look around hoping draco is somewhere around and to my horror he's on top of ron punching him over and over again

“HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH HER YOU FILTHY WEASLEY”

“DRACO STOP IT! STOP IT DRACO '' I start screaming at him but he doesn't budge until I grab his shoulder and he just pushes me to the ground and I just stare up in horror at him.

“Sky oh my god I’m so sorry” draco is suddenly at my side as if he just wasn't beating the living hell out of someone who i still consider my best friend.

“Draco no. don't touch me dont look at me, don't even talk to me. I trusted you and you hurt the person I care about more than anything else, you were a best friend to me and you hurt my best friend no screw that my family. It doesn't matter what he's done. I love him and I trusted you.”

With that I walked away from the only person I had left.

I had expected to spend the rest of the year alone but a few hours later sitting in the library silently crying into my potions textbook i feel a pair of eyes on me i assume it's the same pair that's been on me all night

“Fred i know you're there you can stop pretending to study we both know you don't study especially for potions”

I hear him chuckle before he pulls a seat up next to me and makes me look at him wiping the tears off my face

“What's wrong gorgeous”

I look at him in shock and i can feel my cheeks heat up

“First of all i'm not gorgeous and second i lost my best friend and then i lost draco and he's all i had left”

He looks at me and just pulls me into a hug and i start sobbing into his chest

“I miss him so much Fred”

He just pulls me in tighter and holds me till i stop sobbing

“Love, listen to me, you are so beautiful. And i know rons been an asshole to you this year but he misses you too”

I look at him in doubt

“Then why has he beat me up all year?”

i hear footsteps behind us and i see another red haired boy but not his face so i assume its George but i finally see the strangers face to see Ron

“Ronald..”

“Hey sky..can we talk?

I look at Ron in shock before shaking my head

“Look Sky i know i was a world class jerk this year and for that i'm sorry, i know that the past few years have been hard on you with everything that your dad did to you and i'm sorry i slapped you, i miss my bestfriend im sorry and i know you probably hate me and never wanna s-”

“Shut up Ron” and i tackle him in the biggest hug

“I love you sky”

“AWW RON YOU GOT SOFT ON ME”

Ron just rolls his eyes at me

“Lets go Sky”

~YEAR 3~

“Ron can you believe we are already back at hogwarts!”

I look up at him waiting for a response

“I cant believe im stuck with you again even after you spent the whole summer with us” he snarkily replied

“Oh weasley you love me”

Ron just rolls his eyes and continues his walk to the great hall trying to find the rest of our friends, finally finding hermione and harry we all sit down talking when all of a sudden Ron is screaming at a spider he seeing on the table and fred is laughing and the spider disappears

“Seriously fred?!”

Ron looks at Fred in anger as Fred runs off

“God what an ass”

I look at fred before responding “I know”

Ron looks between fred and I before yelling at me

“HEY HEY RULE NUMBER 9”

“Oh come on as if”

He looks at me in doubt

“Yeah tell that to the drool”

“OH WHATEVER”

I roll my eyes and shove ron while sneaking glances at fred and i see him winking at me and i blush even after 2 months of dating in secret he does those things and i still get flustered. I know that if Ron found out he would kill me but this summer I fell for Fred hard and he was there for me for things i couldn't tell Ron.

A few hours later I'm sitting in the Slytherin commons looking at a picture of Fred and I'm wondering how I got so lucky to have him as my boyfriend when Draco and his goblins come in and sit down next to me.

“Can i help you boys with something?” i snarkily ask them

“Just curious about something sky, how did a broken girl like you get a guy like Fred?” Draco asks with that smug look on his face that I want to slap off his face.

“I don't know what you mean by broken and as for fred i didn't get him we are just friends”

Draco rolls his eyes before saying something that shocks me

“Sky you forget we were fairly close last year, i helped you with all your panic attacks and was there when you had nightmares and helped you through your depressive episodes and as for Fred i know as well as you do that you guys are dating you look at him like he's your world.”

I look at Draco in shock with tears in my eyes before i hear what else he adds

“And let's be honest, Sky he could never love someone as broken as you, he'll leave you just like your brother did and just like everyone you've ever loved has. He don't want to stick around for someone as broken as you”

With tears streaming down my face I ran out of the commons in search of my boyfriend. I see a few 1st year gryffindors and ask them if they've seen Fred and they let me know he's in the east corridor with Ron and George, i can feel myself getting lightheaded and dizzy like i always do when i get panic attacks. I finally see his red hair and i yell his name;

“FRED” and with that I collapse not being able to hold myself up anymore

“Sky? Baby what happened?”

I suddenly realize that he's with Ron and I see how hurt Ron looks in that moment but I can't focus on that right now because my sight goes blurry with all the tears streaming down my face and I start sobbing into Freds chest.

“Shh its okay darling i'm here”

A few minutes later though it feels like hours. I've finally calmed down and I can stand up on my own. I look up at Ron and see his face morph from worried to anger.

“Ron can we talk?” i look at him with sadness in my eyes

“No but i will, how could you do this to me Sky after everything i've done for you how could you betray me like this?” he asks me that with anger and betrayal in his eyes.

“I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM RON '' i blurt out before i realize what i said i run away not wanting to see the look on ron or fred's face.

Im sobbing in the west corridor when i see draco come up to me and try and talk to me but before he can say anything im walking away to the pond i always used to go to when i needed to think, i hear someone following me i assume it's fred coming to break up with me but i turn around to come face to face with a platinum blonde malfoy boy staring at my brown eyes.

“What do you want malfoy? Come to make me question myself even more?”

He looks at me with what looks to be an apologetic look on his face?

“No i came to apologize i never meant to hurt you, i was hurting and i miss you and i'm sorry. Are you okay sky? You don't seem okay”

I look at him softly before putting on my facade of happiness on before i reply

“Im perfect draco no need to worry about me. And for the record i miss you too”

His face softens before he replies with something that shocks me

“ Sky you was my best friend, i know you're not okay you don't need to lie to me, let me help you. We can be friends again. I can help you the way the weasleys can't. You know I know what it's like to feel the way you do so why not let me help you.”

“Draco are you kidding me? You broke me last year seeing you beat ron up..it hurt me. I was..i was falling in love with you and you broke my heart. Besides my best friend despises you I can't lose Ron again ``I remark like it's a fact.

He just stares at me in shock, “you were in love with me?”

I look at him like it was the most idiotic question ever, “i was starting to but im not anymore like i said you broke my heart and you know what? Fred fixed it. I'm in love with him and i'm pretty sure he's gonna leave me, because who could ever love someone as broken as me?”

“I could” says a voice behind Draco and that I recognize as my boyfriend.

I turn around to face the one and only Fred Weasley

“Fred..hey”

He smiles at me

“Come on my love let's take a walk”

I go with fred before turning around and running up to draco and hugging him before whispering “i'd love to be friends but ron cant find out” then i say louder, “thank you draco for making sure i'm okay”

I then run back to my boyfriend and walk with him and it's silent but not in an awkward way it's a comfortable silence before he finally says something,

“I love you sky”

I look at him and reply back with love in my eyes

“I love you weasley”

The rest of the year went by quickly with stolen kisses from fred dirty looks from ron and stolen conversations with draco i spent the first part of summer break with draco and the last 2 months with fred and his family, ron still hating me.

~YEAR FOUR~

When we return back to Hogwarts, im honestly in shock of how far i've come the past 3 years and how much i've learned and grown. I've fallen in love and I've gained and lost friends. Ron still hates me for dating his brother he refused to talk to me all summer but here we all are running from an attack for he who must not be named and his followers, i can hear Hermione's screams and then someone grabs me and i start screaming

“FRED” i start screaming

“SKY WHERE ARE YOU”

And then i see draco and then the guy who grabbed me is on the ground

“Sky are you okay?”

I look at him and look back at the stranger on the ground

“Uh yeah i'm okay thank you draco. I should get back to fred and the group but seriously thank you”

“No need to thank me darling,i'll always be here to protect you”

I wonder what he means by that but I forget about it quickly after being back in Freds arms.

Over the course of my 3rdyear i had gotten particularly close with a certain Hufflepuff named Cedric Diggory, that only increased over the summer, now it wasn't like that, i had fred and i love him. Cedric was like my big brother. I could tell anything too. We were as close as Fred and George are. As soon as his name was selected for the triwizard tournament I had this feeling in my stomach that it wouldn't go well. But like i said he was basically my big brother so i supported him i was there throughout everything and i started to think maybe i was wrong and it would turn out okay in the end. Oh how wrong I was. As soon as Harry came back with Cedric's body I let out a blood curdling scream. Fred looks at me with worry and tries to get me out of the stadium but i run up to harry and tackle him and start shouting

“WHAT DID YOU DO POTTER WHY IS MY BROTHER DEAD WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU DO”

“He's back sky..he's back.”

I look into his eyes and i know he's telling the truth

~YEAR 5~

Year five was awful for me. I didn't talk to anyone besides Fred and draco. I started hating Harry for getting Cedric killed and I started failing my classes. But at the end of the year I was in the worst place I could be. I was gonna use one of the unforgivable curses on myself. This is until Ron walked in on me and stopped me. That summer I spent it with him and Fred and they helped me get better.

~YEAR 6~

Nothing happened basically all of year 6 up until the end draco asked for my help with killing dumbledore because he was now a death eater. It was the beginning of the end of my life as i knew it, dumbledore was dead and draco wasn't the person i knew anymore. I hated him for what he did so I refused to talk to him.

~YEAR SEVEN~

Hell. i was in literal hell my whole life has ended when I saw his body it was like i was watching it as a movie like it wasnt real. I look up and see Draco holding a wand after he just performed the killing curse on the love of life. We were gonna get married have kids and now thats all gone, Fred Weasley is dead. I let out a scream and ron and george finally realize i saw the whole thing.

“Sky come on lets get out of here ill take you to your dorm” Ron calmly states while walking towards me like im a scared animal who will run away if he moves to fast.

“NO” i shout at him and he jumps, I see george walk towards me and hugs me

“Sky he loved you so much and hes never really gone, youll be okay” george whispers softly in my ear. Suddenly all i feel is rage and i push him away and i look at him the boy who has the face of the love of my life before i say something that shocks everyone,

“Fred is dead i wont be okay because he was the love of my life. Draco killed him and i swear to god, if its the last thing i do ill kill him. Hes not getting away with this.” Then i walk out of Hogwarts and dont turn back. And now im here, alone and angry. I swore id get my revenge and i will. Draco Malfoy will regret ever picking up his wand. I swear to you Fred he wont get away with this