arolesbianism · 10 months ago
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I am still not over the level cap thing what do you mean level fucking 10
#rat rambles#like do they not realize how fucking pathetically low that is?#like it is So easy to get a follower to level 10 especially late game#like in every playthrough of this game Ive done I always have at least one follower whos past level 40 usually several#Im glad they didnt retroactively lower existing followers levels but it still sucks#it just makes leveling them feel kind of pointless when theyre likely going to passively max out after a certain point anyways#like genuinely I dont even understand what the point of this change is#because its not like getting broke. high level followers is much of a concern early game#and mid game is usually only a potential issue balance wise if youve been putting in a stupid amount of effort since the start#and by the time you get to the late game I. genuinely dont think it matters.#like in early late game again youll only have genuinely broken high levels if youve been going hard at leveling followers#and by the end of the late game its like ok and. let ppl be powerful cmon man.#like theres So many things they could have done to adjust the balancing that wasnt this#like if theyre concerned abt faith generation then make a cap on that or make it not a one to one level thing#if theyre concerned about demons then they could again adjust the scaling slightly or simply make it harder to level followers#they could have even used the deciple thing to help with that by having it be a prerequisite to higher levels#like maybe you could have a couple rings of inner circles with each tier unlocking another ten levels#and they could even add a lower cap at like 50 or smth just dont make it fucking 10#that might genuinely be the worst part of this update and Im not even joking when I say this just killed my motivation to play more#its one of the few things that you were able to keep working on and expanding after unlocking everything else#I genuinely really hope they change this because if not then I think Ill have to drop the game thats how bad it is to me
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vaugarde · 20 days ago
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ash’s sinnoh team is so good (mostly) and im fond of the core six and then you look closer and you remember that only half of them were treated all that well
#it only gets worse when you count ambipom.#staraptor is sorta just there to me tbh. doesnt help that it stayed in its middle stage most of the time which i dislike#but thats a personal thing. besides that it was ok. buizel was treated pretty fine too#but i stand by that gliscor was done dirty. i dont get why people go ‘’oh it got training and became a badass!! thats GREAT writing!!’’#when she immediately gets thrashed in the league anyways (even if she powers through and gives an awesome fight for that goddamn drapion)#its still not a great way to reintroduce her and its one of the parts of ash v paul i dont actually like all that much#like cmon infernape gets the biggest win in that fight#can he at least give this one to gliscor. please. or have torterra do it he is fucking begging for mercy#but anyways ig thats forgivable bc of drapion. back to my og point tho i dont get that as a defense#because how is it better writing for gliscor to get that treatment offscreen when we couldve had a really cathartic training arc instead#because she had a pretty inconsistent win/loss rate that couldve been addressed further#especially because the lake acuity/sinnoh league team parallel was so important. it just muddies the equation up to bench her#i think it gets forgiven because of the league and because ambipom was treated MUCH worse#like damn at least gliscor got to come back at all. at least her departure was related to what she wanted#but that doesnt change the fact that it just makes the league feel more clunky and awkward than it should#idk. why do people think a pokemon getting shipped off for offscreen training is good writing. i genuinely dont understand it#its always felt lazy and cheap to me. why is this pokemon we havent seen strong? uh. it trained offscreen? idiot?#tbf i think charizard and heracross also sorta suffer from this. heracross especially#he shipped that thing off so early in johto why am i supposed to believe its this super powerful battler#i mean. besides that its a heracross. but still. heracross v scizor is awesome but it doesnt necessarily explain its later feats#(ik heracross was sent to oaks lab not sent to training but still)#echoed voice
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website-com · 1 year ago
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since pepper was asking for it something that girls do that always makes me think 'cool gender' is not change their names despite it being historically masculine and re-defining the name through their identity and relationship to it.
#dylan mulvaney springs to mind. of course. along with some less famous examples.#shes a great example to give because a lot of things about her align with ideals of cishet feminine ideals and she could've changed her nam#to match. but chose to keep dylan. great gender moment#another thing that i always think is a cool gender is girls who understand femininity as non-necessary addition and arent afraid of#masculinity being a detractor in their appearance#this includes things like girls who talk openly about their dick or dont tuck or a girl i saw recently who rocked a full beard with#lashes a wig and a full beat#and donning a butch identity as a trans girl is always a 'cool gender' moment. especially if she feels little to no need to change much#about herself. the pressures to change yourself as even a cis woman are so high that cis women earn 'cool gender' points from other cis#women for openly combatting them by not performing. the same should be extended to trans sisters#i feel like the 'cool gender' moments most often live in autistic transmasc communities. who are more interested in the metaphysical.#(and there are less fun masculine compliments out there to give so cool gender exists to fill that hole)#but i agree with her. more trans girls and transfeminine people should be seen as people with 'cool genders'#not thinking of donning femininity when thinking of cool genders is indeed misogynistic. dare i say transmisogynistic#hope you guys enjoy me dickriding (so to speak) for the girls every few months. as pippa has pointed out to me many times its a core part o#who i am#what did she just send me hold on#'i prefer “niche enjoyer” to chaser actually'#(in response to me saying something about trans women being the niche in the lgbt im most drawn to. theres no way to say that without#it sounding weird. something something fetishisation often means genuine appreciation reads as predatory making uncomplicated love seem#impossible which further marginalises the fetishised community etc... im just chatting shit u get what i mean)#im like a platonic chaser. unless youre interested in doing something unlabelled with an emphasis on the psycho of psychosexual in the note#i would say that that role has already been filled but who is interested in upholding monogamy in this day and age
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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 5 months ago
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Shout out to the folks at work the other day that enabled/encouraged me to go on a lil infodump about being transgender and who had genuine questions and listened to my answers. Obviously it's not something queer folks should be expected to do but I love being a point of information for people! I love talking about my experiences and my understandings of philosophies that intersect with that and I think alot of cishet people are maybe uncomfortable asking blunt questions? But so long as they're posed in good faith and with willingness to think about the response, I enjoy answering those weirdly specific things. How else to we dispel the willful ignorance that places of power want to foster towards us? I refuse to he a scapegoat and am deeply grateful to the people that are receptive to experiences outside their own
#young 20 something mum and middle aged mother of 3#both just. asking *questions*#what do hormones do? when/how did you know? why is it so important to you?#these ate genuine questions seeking to understand!! and it means so much to me that i can BE that point of understanding!#adfhsjsj they were talking about periods and the younger woman was like. sorry if this is uncomfortable Jason#and im like. lol dont even worry i still get then too and they suck#older woman was like??? i thought hormones stop them??? im not on hormones yet i just naturally have hormonal imbalance thanks to PCOS#its just...if someone genuinely doesnt understand but is willing to learn? its a conversation worth having.#and i cant know that i always have a positive effect but i ways come back to the vaguely right leaning centrist dude i worked with at mcds#who told me i had changed his view of masculinity and gender as a whole#just by talking and explaining ny experiences#even if he ends up being the only other person I affect..its all worth it.because without me or someone like me he would never have changed#sorry i just get emotional sometimes thinking abkut how...probably the majority of cishets who arent plugged into tumblr#do not experience queer people. hell#im sure there are alot of queer people who havent been exposed to queer theory either#and it means the world to me that i can present and explain that understanding. that willingness to understand.#fuck man if you had told me id be doing this in my early teens id never have thought it possible
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hella1975 · 2 years ago
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update on The Horrors Date: we are now meeting maybe tuesday? because he's a third year and he's got something to do with his dissertation due monday and that's definitely why he couldn't meet at the time i gave him there's no other reason why he'd want to meet in the evening at his house without a time limit as opposed to the afternoon like i said. i am not overthinking this on the contrary im being very optimistic about this entire thing
#basicallyyyyyyy#we agreed on sunday and when i asked him what time he said 8ish#but my flat are (genuinely) having a xmas dinner tonight and my mate has effectively given me a fucking curfew#where she was like 'if you're not back by 6 im killing you in your sleep'#so i told him that and said we could meet around 4ish instead#and he immediately was like no#and it's totally valid he literally told me AGES ago that he had an assignment he needed to do over the weekend#and that's why we originally said friday#but im IMMEDIATELY here like 'he wants me to come to his HOUSE in the EVENING when i have NO EXCUSE TO LEAVE'#like gee i wonder what he thinks is gonna happen....#BUT BUT BUT i think we're just going to go for coffee now because it's easier? so this is actually a good thing#im like aware that it's me being a bitch and assuming the worst out of him but idk im paranoid about shit like this#if we do just get coffee on tuesday im gonna be over the moon bc that takes away so much fucking stress#i was telling my flatmate about it bc normally i wouldnt have even agreed to get dinner with him at his house as a first date#bc who does that for a FIRST DATE?? that's terrifying no thank you#but because i spent the night with him it's kind of warped the timeline of things and now idk where we are#and my flatmate was like 'so? ive spent the night with lads and i dont think it changes anything about a first date'#and i was like i understand but bestie you're talking about SEX#i didnt do ANYTHING with this guy we CUDDLED and he KISSED THE TOP OF MY HEAD AT ONE POINT#THAT IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN JUST SLEEPING WITH HIM IDK WHAT THE PROTOCOL FOR THIS IS#basically it's all a shambles#but ive had more time to think about it and while that has been its own curse bc ive overthought EVERYTHING#it's also made me realise that this is ultimately a good fun exciting thing and i need to stop being a little bitch about it#hella goes to uni
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#ok. i just need to express something that is genuinely v funny to me#i was having dinner with my family and idk my sister asked my parents who their fave kid was and they were like idk we have no fave#and my other sister heard this like: oooo r we comparing whos the favorite? and of us 3 i think she things shes the best#bc her ego is huge and shes v self involved so i was like: y do u think u r the favorite? and she said: i make the most money. im the most#successful. im the best looking. im thr fastest. i have the best social skills#and thr fact that she listed being thr fastest runner as a reason she should b thr favorite kid is extremely funny to me. like is this a#physical race lmao???? also i dont think she has thr best social skill my youngest sister has lots of friends and is a teacher for small#kids. i think her social skills r better and shes wayyyyy nicer. and i pointed out that shes an abrasive person to b around and she was#like: well yeah i dont treat my friends like i treat u guys. which is extremely true. everyone things shes so nice. but its like. if u kno#ur being horrible to us y do u do it??? like i change my behavior to avoid being made fun of by u??? u make me think the world is a worse#place bc ur point of view is so judgemental. also u r extremely bratty and entitled and i dont understand. u r the only one of us 3 like#this??? all my negative self talk sounds word for word like the things u say. and after this trip ill probably add *baby voice* whats#wrong? r u too scared? to the list. idk i really dont get her. she didnt even kno i was starting my phd in the fall. i dont think she#initiated any conversation with me this whole trip#also she makes like 60k a year routing trucks for pepsi which is fucking unhinged to me. like bro it does not sound hard at all and in the#fall ill b making a barley livable wage busting my ass as a grad student. the work to pay ratio is way unbalanced#whatever. she isn't a horrible person. she is very funny. both my sisters r tbh and no one makes me laugh like them#which just makes me sad that we dont connect. anyway. im done bitching for now. ill have positive things to say later once i get back#into the swing of things#unrelated
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cloverpurr · 2 years ago
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i love playing wcue and seeing people who have never read a warrior cats book in their lives say stuff "hey no fighting (as in, in character fighting), this is a kids game" or "the clan rps are so boring and i hate them. lets do a magic school or zodiac rp instead!!!!!!"
i know the game has died out and actual wc fans dont play it anymore but god its so funny but so infuriating at the same time to see stuff like this like . i dont agree with the argument of "oh they just think its a normal cat rp game!!!" bc like. the zodiac roleplays, the magic school, the royalty rp, all of those have ppl who basically just act like . people. the pl in the royalty rp are liek "grabs broom and sweeps", magic school rpers are like "grabs pencil and writes" and even jus other non clan cat rps are like "wipes eyes with hands, gets dressed, gets out of bed, etc etc" like dude. this is warrior cats roleplay. there are plenty of other roleplay games on roblox to play (COUGH COUGH ROYALE HIGH IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE COUGH COUGH) but yet. here we are.
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snekdood · 5 months ago
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so much of my past art is such a love letter to humanity and yet they keep betraying me and wonder why I hate them so much now
#was it all perfect? no. but it was still better than anyone will give me credit for 😒#maybe humans never even deserved my love.#its really sad to see my love for humans visually decline in my art as I draw them less and less#but like. what can ya do. I can't love a species that hurts me.#i hate feeling so jaded against humans but I just... cant bring myself to feel anything else at this point#I tried again and again and again to give the benefit of the doubt. to give second chances. to see if maybe I've just been wrong#and interacting with the wrong people- it just doesnt seem to matter. I'm not human and thats why I can't fit in.#I have more in common with the animals around me- more understanding between them and i- than I ever do any human.#animals are so much easier to understand. they're so much clearer on what they want or feel... humans just lie and manipulate#and talk behind your back and whole slew of other bs. they can never just fucking be direct.#I honestly think talking is a huge part of the problem- words are too easily misunderstood or people can use them to lie or things#are too complicated to convey with thoughts or whatever#but body language and expression and actions dont lie#i hate how easy it is for me to hate humans and how hard it is for me to love them. but how am I supposed to love something that#hardly if ever shows genuine love and caring for me? I keep trying and nothing is ever changing#i try so hard to be nice and compassionate towards humans in spite of everything they've put me through bc I see ppl always say#that you shouldnt give up or that you should take a chance or whatever but dawg. i'm tired. I cant emotionally handle taking more chances#when I just keep getting burned.#i just want to live alone in the woods forever.
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phagodyke · 10 months ago
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prev post reminds me a friend told me last week she doesnt believe i actually struggle with emotional volatility/dysregulation like ive mentioned before bc shes never seen it firsthand...............
#i dont even know what to tell u girl. i couldnt even give her examples to dispute it bc i find it so shameful and difficult to talk abt#and it would probably be upsetting to her to hear the sort of things that have triggered me. and how ive coped with the outbursts#as if i dont structure all social interaction in my life around trying to swallow this shit down so ppl find me just about tolerable enough#genuinely hurtful thing to hear from someone i care abt. im not upset at her anymore abt it bc what would be the point man#i can understand why she thinks that + i cant control what she believes. but it did bother me a lot + some trust has been lost there.#esp considering she struggles w getting ppl to believe her when she talks abt how she feels bc she doesnt necessarily express it outwardly#in ways other ppl expect. like since ik that im always going to try to assume shes being honest so i dont disrespect how she feels#but its hypocritical + more than a little unfair to not offer other people the same trust + respect. why wont u take me at face value#and anyway why the hell would i say i struggle w controlling my emotions if i dont. what clout am i getting from claiming that#even admitting it is a hard thing for me.... and if thats too much for her to accept it just becomes a barrier in our friendship.#shame but i shouldve expected it tbh. anyway its ok ive moved on no point dwelling on it i dont want to bring it up again#bc theres nothing to gain from it. an apology wouldnt change anything since thats what she genuinely thinks#and whatever she wants to believe doesnt change the fact it is True and likely the biggest cause of strife I experience in my life#blegh stopping there bc im edging into rumination now#god im so tired. bedtime soon i think but maybe ill play a quick game or smth to make it to 10pm.... this week has been so long#.diaries
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arolesbianism · 10 months ago
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I've been playing the new cotl update and I generally like it but god do I fucking hate like all of the balance changes just let things be strong man
#rat rambles#like Im ok with the dice relics getting nerfed because they were pretty rediculous before#but making them fragile relics is absolutely terrible and unacceptable#I dont wanna be mean abt it but like time and time again theyve nerfed things way too fucking hard and only some of them get unfucked#like I am not even slightly exaggerating when I say this one change has made all of the dice the worst relics in the game#making them a one time use just completely fucked up the balance of them especially when theres other relics that are also deeply powerful#for getting health And are good damage dealers#it also showcases that they do not understand just how bad most of the fragile relics already are#like genuinely I am baffled by this decision its been making this update so much harder to enjoy#also apparently they massively lowered the level cap which? sucks so fucking bad?#like there's ways to let things be strong without being overpowered#like literally just make it harder to level up followers as they get to the stupid high levels thatd be a much better way to go about it#because lemme tell you its obnoxious to go out of your way to pour that much attention into a follower but rewarding#and for the dice and similarly broken relics just add an extra slow charge speed#you can throw kalamars ear into that pile too along with the bomb one since it's never worth picking up as a fragile relic#like I do genuinely like this new update and what it adds so far its just that the actual yknow gameplay got a smidge bit worse#and since I like the combat in this game any negative changes on it hit much harder than most quality of life stuff#also for the actual new content I do like it but I do hope this is the last big content update at least for a while#I worry abt the game becoming too crowded with mechanics to the point it stops feeling like a coherent game#and to be clear in my personal opinion this update is already bluring the lines of those fronts#again I do genuinely rly like this update it just makes me worry abt the future of this game#I hope if they do make another larger update they focus more on expanding upon already existing mechanics instead of making new ones#like I think sin could rly use more things to do with it#like with how many ways there are to generate it its strange that almost all of the things you do with it are cosmetic#although tbf I havent been dungeoning much today so maybe theres some hidden stuff to use sin for there lol#also one huge thing that Im confused by is the choice to put the sewing building on the first tier of the inspiration tree#cause it uses silk. aka the stuff from the last dungeon most players unlock#I feel like itd be more appropriate to put it as an ofbranch of the housing tree#so basically my review of this update is that its fun and I like the new mechanics but they do feel a bit half baked#and Im not a fan of the balance changes and Im also not a fan of the gun but thats more of a me problem
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love-byers · 2 months ago
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the first time i saw this, when i was NOT a byler shipper, i thought el was running TO mike. i thought we were getting a sweet moment where el runs to mike and he puts an arm around her or hugs her.
then i realized she was running away from him. 
and i was like, why?? they're supposed to be the couple why does she not want his comfort??
and even after will calls her out on doing mike wrong by lying to him, even after she sees that mike is attempting to talk to her and comfort her, that he's not angry at her, she still tells angela to lie to mike. more lies. that's how much she cares about keeping up the persona. had angela lied to mike, el would've continued lying to him the entire week. something she knows in her heart is wrong and not fair to mike.
this is a theme in s4. putting who you want to be seen as before being honest with your bf/gf. going above and beyond to preserve your lie, to be seen as who you want to be.
chrissy does that with jason. who she portrays herself as is completely different than who she really is and what she's really going through. jason has absolutely no idea chrissy is struggling and refused to believe chrissy would buy drugs, because chrissy didn't want to tell him. who knows how jason would've reacted if chrissy was honest, we don't know because chrissy didn't trust him enough to tell him. that's not love at all, that's sad.
this is a point in s2 as well. murray calls nancy out for being afraid to be her true self, and she stays with steve because she doesn't have to be her true self around him. she is her true self when she's with jonathan, and that's why they worked together. that's love.
the exact same thing happens with chrissy. the first time we see her genuinely smile is when she's with eddie. she's sweet and charismatic, and had she lived she totally would've gone to eddie's show, something you never would've expected from her, something her boyfriend, the person she pretends to love, would NEVER do.
robin and steve reinforce this too
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you fall in love with the person who makes you feel accepted, the person who makes you feel like you can be who you are. the person you trust with your true self.
mike and el don't trust each other enough, they don't understand each other well enough.
they would have to change their behavior towards each other by leaps and bounds, and we're already at the last season. there is no time for that. stranger things isn't a multi season show about the complexity of romantic relationships and the healthy way to resolve problems. there is no time for that in just about any movie or show, especially a sci-fi show. you know what's way easier and way more likable? pairing your character with someone they naturally click with, who bring out the best in each other and for some reason can't help but be their authentic selves when they're with each other.
did it with jancy, like i said earlier
did it with lumax. when lucas and max talked on the bus max found herself spewing about things she'd never even said out loud before, and she had to stop herself. something about lucas just made her feel comfortable, like she could be herself and tell the truth. she trusted him.
"You're nothing like your brother, okay? You're cool and different, you're super smart, and you're like, totally tubular."
jopper too! joyce constantly had to hide things from bob, she was insecure about their family not being normal.
"This is not a normal family."
"It could be."
though bob had good intentions, the message of the show is not trying to be normal when you aren't. whatever it is about you that makes you weird or different, whatever you've been through that changed you, stay true to it. dont bottle it up and try to be someone else. all of vecnas victims in s4 were doing this, and it didn't end well for them.
they even did it with dustin and suzie. dustin constantly tries to impress max with his teeth, then in season 3 he says suzie thinks kissing is better without teeth. he doesn't have to be insecure about that or try to impress her. she likes him for him.
mike isn't comfortable being his true self around el either. he's insecure about his interests, he feels like he has to act older and cooler to impress her.
you shouldn't be with the person you feel you have to impress. you should be with the person who relieves that pressure, who makes you feel like being the authentic you is enough.
jonathan and nancy, lucas and max, joyce and hopper, dustin and suzie,
cough WILL AND MIKE cough...
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were--ralph · 9 months ago
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Hey i saw you ranting about trans men on a post, and i was just wondering a few things. This is a genuine question, as a stelth trans man, i really cant find anything about a pre op transitioning body attractive. Especially a pre op Chest. Now i do take testosterone, and i think that the parts that i find gross (ex: tits mixed with chest hair) are a perfectly acceptable thing to deal with so i can look the way i want to look. I love my body hair and my muscle growth, i just dont love the obviously not cis parts of me. What do you find attractive about this? I truely cannot for the life of me understand why people find trans men attractive but i would really like to understand.
I think spicy food is disgusting generally. it's like. hot and not fun and to me it adds nothing good to the food experience. Genuinely I don't understand why people enjoy hot foods it makes like. literally no sense.
and yet, people do. it's weird. I've tried on multiple occasions to get into spicy food and it just. suks. every single time it sucks. But everyone else in my family lives by it. And I've asked why for years literally unable to understand it until I realized.
sometimes people just. like things. things I certainly don't like and cannot enjoy whatsoever. But at the same time, this is true for me and not for them. I fucking love coffee to the point I drink it more than water most days, but no one else in my family likes it. BUT other people outside my family enjoy it too.
Life is weird and what I'm getting at is something that took me a lifetime to understand and I still can't wrap my head around it all the time.
People just like things. People love things and hate things. What things mean to one person can mean the world to another and death to the third. There's not always a reason for it, but what you have to do is accept that there are things in life that you just might not like much right now. but as time goes on you'll find value in it the same way your partner will find value in you and all the minuscule things you do and become and like and dislike.
And to build on that point, there are things I hated as a kid that I'm fine with and even love now. Each day changes you more than you'll ever know and with those changes, the acceptance that comes with them may be easier or harder.
So, to answer your question, I don't know! I just love men. Men with tits or pecs, men with vaginas or dicks. maybe both at the same time or neither at all! I just think men are generally attractive no matter the design or what's different about them. and not just men but people who present as masc in general. If you're masc nb there's a chance I'm looking at you through the window of a bar as much as if you were cis-male or trans-male.
I do know for some men, the allure of masculinity displaced with the typically-feminine concept of a vagina intrigues them. Maybe it's the juxtaposition of them together, maybe they just want something unique and new to them. Maybe they just really like vaginas and it doesn't matter who it's attached to, or maybe they just like trans men. Same thing with boobs, some guys just like boobs. Some men have boobs. the overlap doesn't mean net-negative results, it could be double positive.
And I don't expect you to love everything about yourself, god knows I don't love everything about myself, and despite people telling me what's good about me I can still find flaws within it whenever I choose. I think men with chest hair are hot as fuck, but also I've seen some smooth men that are just as if not hotter. I love me a fat man or a man with muscles, but i've seen twinks i'd demolish in one sitting as well. I've seen men with dicks and boobs and scars and and hair pretty much everything under the sun and sometimes I want them to sit on me and forget I'm there and smother me.
What you do have to do though is accept that you have those things, and you are those things, and even though you may not like those things you have to accept that they're a part of you and find value in that. And it's not an easy task at all to love yourself, but you have to try because even if you don't right now, there's a partner who will be waiting for you somewhere. there's a future version of you who loves you as you are. there are friends who love your flaws, pets who don't judge, and there are a lot of things that accept you as you are.
So just say you have boobs and chest hair. even if you don't love it about yourself right now know that there are and will always be people who do, and personally I've said before, but I wish i had boobs and chest hair it's just a perfect look to me. I'm fine with whatever my gender is, i just think its a good look. If I had money for top and bottom surgery I'd get it and never look back. You just have to find the value in yourself we all know is there, and if you can't just know that we know it's there and let that carry you through the day!
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laneywrld · 4 months ago
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futile devices | Lewis Hamilton
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request: you have a real talent for angst hehe. can i request one with lewis where he broke up with reader bcs he said he needed a break. but then not long after he was out with other women. the breakup broke reader she turned into a whole diff person. and she was like "i dont think any of that was real" when she talked abt her past with lewis? please tear my heart apart into pieces, im begging you
word count: 2.4k
warnings: ANGSTTT, dissociation, therapy, religious talks.
listen while you read for the full experience:
apple music, spotify
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You read something once, it goes, did god create humans because he was lonely or humans God because they were lonely?
Now, you were never strongly religious, enough to go to church three times a week or remember to pray before each meal or bedtime, a part of you wants to believe that there is a God. A flicker of you does feel like, hey, there has to be someone out there pushing my hand like this, there has to be a reason for this.
And that's human nature, needing a reason.
When you don't have a reasonable explanation for things, your mind searches for that reasoning. History shows, that when man knows nothing man creates, look at mythology for an example.
In ancient cultures, the world was filled with mysteries—natural events, life and death, the changing seasons—that seemed inexplicable without invoking a higher power or supernatural beings.
So, what did humans do?
They have created gods and mythical figures to explain phenomena they didn't understand.
In a way it's a beautiful thing, what that has done is infuse our real world with a sense of order and meaning in a world that could often seem chaotic and purposeless.
That is what life is without reasoning, a big fucking question.
Humanity sought not only to explain the world around them but also to find their place within it, weaving their existence into the larger tapestry of the cosmos.
We have an enduring need to seek meaning in the face of the unfathomable, to transform the mysterious into the comprehensible, and to infuse our world with a sense of purpose and coherence.
The point is this, maybe you were blind to it all, maybe your brain forced you to believe it. Forced you to see things as they weren't.
Lewis Hamilton never loved you, he never even cared. You can see that now.
The point is this: maybe you were blind to it all, maybe your brain forced you to believe it, to see things as they weren't. For the longest time, you believed Lewis Hamilton loved you. His charming smile, the way he looked at you, the tender moments you shared—they all seemed so real, so genuine.
But in the end, it was all a façade.
It started to unravel one evening when Lewis sat you down, a serious look on his face. "I need a break," he said, his voice devoid of the warmth you were used to. "I need to find myself."
His words hit you like a punch to the gut. You wanted to understand, to support him in his quest for self-discovery. But as days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, the truth began to surface. The only thing Lewis found was himself under different women.
The news and rumors reached you like whispers in the wind, each one a dagger to your heart.
It boggled you, it really did. How could someone who seemed so loving, so dedicated, turn out to be so deceitful? You replayed your memories, searching for signs, for clues you might have missed. Maybe you were blind to it all, or maybe you wanted so desperately to believe in his love that you ignored the red flags.
There were moments that stood out now, in harsh clarity. The late nights he claimed were for training, the mysterious phone calls he brushed off, the growing distance in his eyes. You had chalked it up to stress, to the demands of his career. But now, it all made sense. It was never about finding himself; it was about finding excuses.
The realization hurt more than you could have imagined. You felt betrayed, not just by Lewis, but by your own heart for leading you astray. The love you thought was real had been a carefully constructed illusion, and you were left to pick up the pieces of your shattered trust.
Did god create humans because he was lonely or humans God because they were lonely?
You were lonely, and you filled that void with Lewis, even if it wasn't real, you allowed him to fill every crevice of your life with a warmth and excitement you had previously been lacking.
It became clear that it's a bad religion to love someone who could never love you back. Loving Lewis had been like worshiping a false god, investing your heart and soul into something that could never reciprocate your devotion.
You didn't know who you were without Lewis.
And that was the problem, yeah you realize now that true love, the kind that is worth believing in, is mutual and nurturing, not one-sided and destructive.
But he's fucking ruined you to the point of no return.
You always thought that those people who let their lives be flipped upside down over a breakup were dramatic. You used to believe that heartbreak was something you could just push through, that it was a part of life everyone had to endure and move past. Yet now, you understood fully. It's crazy how losing someone—or rather, being left by someone you thought loved you—could indeed flip your own life upside down and launch you back further than you knew you could go.
There was no point of return. The realization that Lewis never truly loved you was a blow that shattered your world. The man who once filled your days with laughter and your nights with tender whispers had left you with a void so profound it felt like you were lost in an endless abyss.
Lewis made you lack a belief in everything.
The trust you once held sacred, the love you thought was mutual, the future you had envisioned together—everything now seemed like a cruel illusion. His departure didn't just break your heart; it broke your spirit. You found yourself doubting your worth, your judgment, your ability to ever truly know someone.
You didn't know what was real or fake.
Nights were the hardest. Alone in the quiet of your room, memories would flood your mind—the way he used to hold you, the promises he made, the plans you both had. The betrayal felt like an echoing void, reminding you of the deception hidden behind charming smiles. You felt untethered, adrift in a sea of emotions with no solid ground in sight.
You began to see the world through a lens of skepticism. Where once you saw possibilities and hope, now you saw uncertainty and doubt. Lewis’ betrayal had sown seeds of mistrust in your heart, making it difficult to believe in anything or anyone. The optimism that once colored your outlook on life had been replaced by a grim resignation.
You didn't even know if you believed in God anymore, or purpose, or happiness. Lewis had taken every ounce of reasoning from you. Your brain couldn't decipher what was real or fake.
Was it real or was it fake?
Did Lewis love you or was this a sick game?
Did he love you or were you just lonely?
You didn't know what was real or fake, and it made you feel so fucking crazy.
The questions haunted you, relentlessly looping through your mind.
You replayed your relationship over and over, scrutinizing every moment, every gesture. What was real? What was fake? The uncertainty gnawed at your sanity, eroding the foundation of your life.
The world around you seemed distorted as if reality itself had become an unreliable narrator in the story of your life.
Your faith, which had once been a source of comfort and strength, now felt fragile and distant. You questioned everything you had once held dear, everything that had given your life meaning. Was there a higher power? A divine purpose? The betrayal had not only broken your heart but also shaken the very core of your beliefs.
Purpose felt like a cruel joke. The plans you had made, the dreams you had shared with Lewis, all seemed meaningless now. Happiness, once a tangible goal, now felt like an elusive mirage, always just out of reach. The void left by Lewis's departure was filled with a consuming darkness that threatened to swallow you whole.
You tried to find solace in the familiar, in the routine, but nothing felt the same. Your friends and family offered words of comfort, but their reassurances felt hollow, unable to penetrate the depths of your despair. You were trapped in a maze of confusion and pain, each turn leading you further into the unknown.
There were moments when you questioned your sanity. The line between reality and illusion had become so blurred that you wondered if you were losing your mind. You felt disconnected from yourself, from the person you used to be as if you were living in a surreal nightmare from which there was no escape.
You felt mindless, maybe he had taken your mind with him.
It felt as if your head could collapse at any given moment.
Your family wanted you to try therapy; you weren't yourself. Maybe, aside from taking your mind, Lewis also took the person you were with him. Therapy was hard, and though you've had session after session, you feel the same. Where was the progress everyone promised? Your therapist's voice drones on and on, and you feel like you're watching her from the hollowness like you've taken a backseat to your own life. Every single day felt like you were watching your life from another person's gaze, or like you were sitting inside your brain watching from your eyes, except it wasn't you.
Your therapist is still talking. Nothing she says helps; you want her to shut up as she spews the importance of finding yourself again. You want to scream at her as she preaches about purpose, but when you zero in, you're still quiet, eyes dead and hands folded. You're screaming inside your head, but she keeps talking.
You don't mean to cut her off, or maybe you do, but when the words tumble from your lips, she cocks her head in a way that tells you she's going to have fun studying this session later in the day.
"I feel like I'm not even here," you say, your voice barely above a whisper. "I feel like I'm watching my life happen to someone else."
Your therapist pauses, her pen hovering over her notepad. "That's a significant observation," she says slowly, as if measuring each word. "It sounds like you're experiencing dissociation, a common response to trauma."
You want to roll your eyes at her clinical response, but you can't muster the energy.
"Why does it matter?" you ask, your tone flat. "Knowing what's wrong doesn't make it better. I'm still...gone."
She leans forward slightly, her eyes searching yours for a flicker of connection. "It's the first step," she says. "Understanding what you're experiencing can help us find a way to bring you back. It's not a quick process, but it's a start."
You feel a surge of frustration. "Everyone keeps saying that. 'It's a process,' 'It's a journey,' 'It takes time.' But what if I never get back to who I was? What if I'm stuck like this forever?"
Your therapist doesn't flinch. "It's a valid fear," she acknowledges. "But healing isn't about returning to who you were. It's about integrating your experiences and finding a new sense of self. It’s about moving forward, not backward."
Her words echo in your mind, but they don't penetrate the numbness you feel. "I don't even know who I am anymore," you admit, the confession feeling like a weight lifted and a burden simultaneously.
"That's why we're here," she says gently. "To help you rediscover yourself. To help you heal. It's okay to feel lost right now. What's important is that you're here, trying to find your way."
You sit in silence, her words hanging in the air. Despite your resistance, a small part of you wants to believe her, to hope that maybe, just maybe, you can find your way out of this darkness.
But for now, you're still watching from the hollow place, detached and distant. Therapy might be a lifeline, but it feels like you're grasping at straws. You hope that someday, the promises of progress will become more than empty words, that you’ll find a way to step back into your own life, whole and strong.
But for now, that hope feels unrealistic. All you want is to know what was real. Were you that lonely? You had never felt lonely before him, never felt like a piece of you was missing. Before Lewis, you felt content with life, fulfilled.
The question haunted you. How had you become so dependent on his presence, his validation? You had always prided yourself on your independence, your ability to find joy and meaning in your own life. Friends, family, your work—these had always been enough. So why, after Lewis, did everything feel so empty?
Your mind raced back to the beginning, to the thrill and excitement of new love. You remembered how he made you feel special like you were the center of his universe.
It was intoxicating, a heady rush that blurred the lines between reality and fantasy. You realized now that you had mistaken the intensity of those feelings for something deeper, something real.
In the quiet of your therapy sessions, you wrestled with these thoughts. Your therapist's words often felt like background noise, drowned out by the clamor of your own doubts and insecurities. Yet, there was a part of you that recognized the need to confront these feelings, to understand why you had allowed yourself to become so entwined with someone who ultimately proved unworthy of your adoration.
Were you lonely? Or was it that Lewis had awakened a vulnerability you didn't know existed?
His departure left a gaping wound, exposing the raw edges of your heart. The loneliness you felt now wasn't just the absence of his presence, but the loss of the illusion of love he had created. It was the shattering of a carefully constructed facade that had made you feel whole, if only for a fleeting moment.
As you sat in your therapist's office, the background noise of her voice suddenly halted. For the first time, you murmured a sentence that showed progress, even if it was wrapped in sadness.
"I don't think any of it was real."
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the way I just wrote this in 38 minutes, in my dark ass room with the linked song on replay while it's raining. what a great day. I'm really convinced that I can only write angst!
to the anon who called me sad and smutty ilyyyyy 🫶🏽😭 I'm making it my bio
also, I don't have access to the form for the taglist right now, so if you would like to be added or if you already submitted your user, pls just send me an ask with your user pls <3
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luxuourr · 5 months ago
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WHEN YOU know LOA AND FEEL FAT/SKINNY/INSECURE.
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currently made this post for me and everyone who has these issues
I've got alot of trauma , growing up as the chubby cute baby became taunts and mockery, i never looked fat and ugly and anything like this , I was always admired everywhere for my body except at my house and over the years it's become my trauma, my mom being a psychologist and still not realizing her solutions from the internet, telling me my leptin hormone is shit,my metabolism is so slow or I have PCOS as an intersex it never made sense, she never did make any sense and I know some people in this community have been struggling and are struggling with weight loss since for years. I have come across this manifesting coach, most of y'all know called electrasoul and for context they struggled with body image issues and weight loss too until it clicked in their mind. Those are some of the most important points I made you'll love. You will fall in love with this guys.
SHE DID NOT CHANGE HER DIET, YOU DONT HAVE TO EITHER.
"WTF that's not true, impossible, nah you need to count your calories and workout to loose weight , ain't no way my lifestyle doesn't have to change and brain needs to be controlled", so it really works like that. First of all this drill of changing diets and workouts that has been draining us people who wanna loose weight has been going on since we have been mature, the biggest enemy of our weight has been our own parents, if you're skinny, you're too skinny. if you're healthy, you're too healthy but you now need to find yourself a balance but it'll only come if you're a LOA person and finally have the will to loose weight, throw logic and society's diets and workouts out rn , if you're too tired for that , you don't need it. The brain is the strongest part of your body because it's capable of doing things you'd never imagine.
KNOWING AND STATE
first you need to know what you want, so you wanna gain or loose weight , or you want a healthy weight? ok did you choose what you want now let's proceed.
all your life they told you to eat less otherwise you'd be overweight and eat more to gain weight but sometimes underweight people genuinely eat enough or don't like eating and don't gain weight and sometimes people who are overweight barely eat at all, it's just their mind " oh I drink water and gain weight " ofc bro you really drilled it in your mind to be this way. The essential step is that don't look for logic. Law of assumption was made to remind you nevillie didn't need knowledge to marry the woman of his dreams and you don't need logic or calories In the world of law of assumption where you made rules. ARE CALORIES EVEN REAL, IS DIETING SOMETHING WHEN YOU ARE GOD?? YOU'RE CREATING THIS ALL THEN WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO OTHER HUMANS AND THEIR BS WHEN ITS YOUR LIFE.
dieting and workouts is for the weak, the true mind power lies in you, it is now your choice to turn your weaknesses into strengths, It is now your choice to eat food knowing you're gonna loose and reach your body goals with it. So apparently the best way and a good example of this , that you will understand what I mean is, you can still eat food staying naturally in the state or affirming.
calories are nothing to me in my life
eating makes me loose / gain weight
no matter what I do, I have my dream body
my metabolism is slow/fast ( if you wanna loose or gain weight )
No matter what I eat, whatever i do, however I eat, binge or die and cry or spiral, I have to gain / loose weight
this is literally my world so I have decided and have my ideal body and weight.
These are the examples of simple affirmations you can use to persist, even while eating.
DONT COUNT YOUR CALORIES
if you truly believe in LOA stop counting calories , calories is a man made thing , bro who tf even found out about something that you can't see, do fruits grow and are labelled low or high cals? did they experiment people for fat or thin, to find out that?? nahh bffr ☹️ giving the control of your life to some dumbass calories scientists made. We don't believe in that. Girl you're just having a maintained body for the rest of your life no matter what ✊🏻
IT IS YOUR CHOICE
whether you can start affirming and assuming and knowing that you're at your ideal weight , food makes you loose or gain weight or tire yourself with diets and workout if you're already tired from every aspect of your life.
for someone struggling with PTSD AND DEPRESSION
This is an honest advice, goodluck loosing/gaining weight/ getting your ideal body.
you don't have to stop all those sugary stuff and things want, just assume you can do this. ✊🏻🌹
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sanjipussyindulgence · 1 year ago
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what's your favorite thing about sanji? 💙🩵
okay as a funny answer i'd say its because hes so loser-coded. like hes a pathetic sopping wet purse dog of a man.
but as a genuine answer it's because of how layered he is. for as over the top and anime tropey his personality is... he's very realistically done? somehow he feels grounded and human to me in a way that some of the other straw hats arent.
even though his defining trait is kindness, he refuses to show ANY emotional vulnerability due to his trauma. instead he'll play a dramatized caricature of himself to distance any of the genuine emotion involved. he'll hide any kindness under a layer of either grouchiness when it comes to men, or infatuation when it comes to women.
sanji almost never lets his walls down, even when hes with the straw hats, so we dont get to see/understand him fully until he's at his worst emotionally (whole cake island).
its at times like that when we see who sanji truly is - a deeply insecure yet kind man with a severe guilt complex. the reason why sanji acts the way he does is because he HATES himself, even to the point where he doesn't want to be himself.
which is why he puts on the act of a tough guy womanizer because, in his mind, thats better than the soft-hearted little boy he still is at his core... but its that part of him that i love the most! i love whenever he gets to be honestly sweet!
obviously his pervert gag has its moments where it shoots sanji's characterization in the foot but i dont HATE his attitude towards women and i feel the people who want him to change entirely miss the point.
his strict binary for the genders stems from his early childhood where all the men in his life were monsters and only women were kind to him. even once he got picked up by zeff it was a tough love situation and sanji adopted that.
he views men as inherently worse than women, and its a character flaw that defines his personality. its important for a well written character to have a flaw like that. it fleshes him out.
i could go into a whole different conversation about his unintentional queer-coding... but this post is already long enough so i wont.
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estapa-edwards · 7 months ago
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YOU LOOK GREAT - N. MOLDENHAUER
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paring: Nick Moldenhauer x fem! reader
word count: 6.6k
requested? yes - "Sorry for borrowing your clothes" "Dont be. You look great in them" w/ nick moldenhauer
warnings: use of y/n. change of povs. 1st to third
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As I stepped onto the University of Michigan campus, I was filled with excitement and nerves. College was a whole new world, and I was eager to dive into everything it had to offer. Little did I know, one of the most impactful aspects of my college experience would be meeting Nick Moldenhauer.
Nick and I met during freshman orientation. He was a towering figure, with a friendly smile and an easygoing demeanor that instantly put me at ease. We were both assigned to the same dormitory, and as luck would have it, our rooms were just a few doors apart.
​​"Hey there," he greeted with a casual wave, his voice carrying a hint of Midwestern warmth. "You must be Y/N, right? I heard we're practically neighbors."
"Yeah, that's me," I replied, trying to match his easygoing tone. "It's nice to meet you, Nick. Looks like we lucked out with our dorm assignments."
Nick chuckled, running a hand through his tousled hair. "Definitely. Who knows, maybe we'll end up being the best of friends."
Little did I know, his words would ring true in the months to come. As we settled into our respective rooms, the proximity of our living quarters made it easy for us to strike up conversations whenever we crossed paths in the hallway or kitchen.
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One evening, as I struggled to navigate the maze of laundry machines in the basement, I bumped into Nick sorting through a pile of clothes.
"Need a hand?" he asked, flashing me a reassuring smile.
I nodded gratefully, relieved to have some company in the otherwise deserted laundry room. As we waited for our loads to finish, we chatted about everything from our hometowns to our favorite sports teams, discovering shared interests and mutual acquaintances along the way.
At first, our interactions were limited to passing hellos in the hallway or brief chats in the communal kitchen. But as the weeks went by, we found ourselves gravitating towards each other more and more.
I vividly remember one chilly October evening when Nick and I found ourselves studying in the common area of our dormitory. With textbooks spread out on the table between us and the soft glow of overhead lights casting a warm ambiance, we delved into a deep conversation about our respective majors.
"So, what made you decide to major in sociology?" Nick asked, genuine curiosity coloring his voice as he flipped through the pages of my textbook.
I shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. "I've always been fascinated by human behavior and societal dynamics. Plus, I figured it would give me a better understanding of the world around me."
Nick nodded thoughtfully, his blue eyes reflecting the flickering light of the nearby fireplace. "That's cool. I never would've guessed you were interested in that stuff. I always pegged you as more of a science person."
I chuckled, shaking my head. "Believe it or not, I actually considered majoring in biology at one point. But sociology just felt like the right fit for me."
Our conversation meandered from topic to topic, spanning everything from our favorite books and movies to our most embarrassing childhood memories. With each passing day, I found myself drawn to Nick's infectious energy and genuine kindness, his presence becoming a source of comfort and joy in the whirlwind of college life.
Before I knew it, our interactions had transitioned from sporadic encounters to regular hangouts. Whether it was grabbing lunch between classes or meeting up for late-night study sessions in the library, Nick and I were practically inseparable.
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One chilly evening, with the soft glow of the library's reading lamps casting a warm ambiance, Nick and I found ourselves huddled together at a secluded study table, surrounded by towering stacks of textbooks and piles of lecture notes. The gentle hum of students whispering and keyboards tapping provided the perfect backdrop for our intense study session.
As I struggled to make sense of the dense sociological theories sprawled across my textbook, I couldn't help but steal glances at Nick, who was engrossed in his own set of notes, his brow furrowed in concentration. His tousled hair caught the dim light just right, casting shadows across his chiseled features, and I couldn't deny the flutter of excitement that stirred within me.
"So, what do you think about this concept?" Nick's voice broke through my reverie, pulling me back to the task at hand.
I blinked, trying to focus on the page in front of me. "Um, sorry, could you repeat that?" I stammered, feeling a blush creeping up my cheeks.
Nick chuckled, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "I asked what you thought about this concept. You seem pretty lost in thought over there."
I bit my lip, trying to come up with a coherent response. "Honestly, I'm not sure. It's a bit abstract for my liking."
Nick nodded in understanding, his gaze lingering on me for a moment longer than necessary. "Yeah, I get that. Sometimes these theories can feel a bit...out there."
His playful tone sent a shiver down my spine, and I couldn't help but meet his gaze head-on, the air between us suddenly charged with tension. For a fleeting moment, it felt as though we were the only two people in the world, lost in our own little bubble of shared laughter and lingering glances.
As the hours slipped by and the library grew quiet around us, I found myself drawn to Nick in a way I couldn't quite explain. Maybe it was the late hour or the adrenaline of exam season, but something about the way he looked at me made my heart race and my palms grow clammy with anticipation.
And as we packed up our belongings and made our way out into the cool night air, I couldn't shake the feeling that our study session had been about so much more than just academic pursuits.
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The anticipation buzzed in the air as I made my way to the University of Michigan hockey arena, the excitement palpable with each step I took. It was game day, and as I navigated through the throngs of enthusiastic fans decked out in maize and blue, I couldn't help but feel a surge of pride for my friend Nick and the rest of the Wolverines team.
As I settled into my seat, the energy of the crowd enveloped me, filling me with a sense of exhilaration unlike anything I had ever experienced. The stadium lights illuminated the ice rink below, casting a mesmerizing glow over the gleaming surface, and I found myself holding my breath in anticipation of the game to come.
And then, as if on cue, the players burst onto the ice, their skates slicing through the frozen surface with effortless grace. Among them was Nick, clad in his signature jersey and helmet, his eyes focused and determined as he prepared to face off against the opposing team.
I couldn't tear my gaze away as the game unfolded before me, each play more thrilling than the last. From bone-rattling body checks to lightning-fast slap shots, the action was relentless, keeping me on the edge of my seat with every twist and turn.
And through it all, Nick was a force to be reckoned with, his skill and athleticism shining brightly as he darted across the ice, deftly maneuvering the puck with precision and finesse. With each pass and shot, he seemed to defy gravity, his movements fluid and effortless as he propelled the puck towards the opposing team's goal.
As the game reached its climax, with the score tied and the tension mounting, I found myself cheering louder than ever, my heart pounding in time with the thunderous roar of the crowd. And when Nick scored the winning goal in the final seconds of the game, sending the arena into a frenzy of cheers and applause, I couldn't help but leap to my feet in sheer elation.
Amidst the jubilant celebrations that followed, I made my way down to the ice, eager to congratulate Nick on his stellar performance. And as he skated over to greet me, his face flushed with exertion and his eyes shining with excitement, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride for my friend and all that he had accomplished.
"Great game, Nick!" I exclaimed, unable to contain my enthusiasm as I wrapped him in a tight hug.
Nick grinned, his breath coming in short gasps as he returned the embrace. "Thanks, Y/N," he replied, his voice hoarse with emotion. “I’m glad you came.”
Nick's gratitude washed over me like a warm wave, filling me with a sense of contentment that I hadn't realized I was searching for. His words echoed in my mind, each syllable imbued with a depth of emotion that tugged at my heartstrings in the most unexpected way.
A smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I pulled back slightly to meet Nick's gaze. "Of course, Nick," I replied, my own voice filled with genuine affection. "I wouldn't miss it for the world. You played amazing out there."
Nick's grin widened, his eyes sparkling with appreciation. "Thanks, Y/N," he said, his voice soft and sincere. "Having you here means a lot to me. It's like having my own personal cheering section."
I laughed, the sound bubbling up from deep within me. "Well, consider me your number one fan," I declared, playfully nudging him with my elbow. "I'll be here cheering you on every step of the way."
As we stood there, basking in the afterglow of the game and the warmth of each other's company, I couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted between us. There was a newfound closeness, an unspoken bond that seemed to transcend the confines of friendship and venture into uncharted territory.
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I fumbled through my pockets, panic rising in my chest as I realized that my dorm key was nowhere to be found. With a sinking feeling, I recalled setting it down on the coffee table in my friend's dorm room across campus earlier that evening. It was already late at night, and the thought of trekking all the way back across campus to retrieve it was daunting, to say the least.
"Shit," I yelled, frustration boiling over as I glanced at my watch, the hands ticking closer and closer to midnight. How could I have been so careless?
Just then, I heard footsteps approaching from down the hall, and before I knew it, Nick appeared in the doorway, concern etched across his features.
"Y/N, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice laced with worry as he took in my distressed expression.
I sighed heavily, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "I forgot my dorm key at Sarah's place across campus," I admitted, feeling a flush of embarrassment creeping up my cheeks. "And now it's too late to go back and get it."
Nick frowned sympathetically, his brow furrowing in thought. "That sucks," he said, his voice tinged with empathy. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
I shook my head, feeling a pang of guilt for inconveniencing him. "I don't want to bother you, Nick," I replied, my voice tinged with regret. "It's my own fault for being so forgetful."
But Nick simply waved off my protests, his expression determined. "Nonsense," he declared, his eyes sparkling with determination."I'm not letting you wander around campus alone in the middle of the night. Besides, my dorm is just down the hall. You can crash on my couch for the night."
I blinked in surprise, caught off guard by his unexpected offer. "Are you sure?" I asked, feeling a rush of gratitude wash over me.
Nick nodded, a reassuring smile gracing his lips. "Absolutely," he replied, his voice warm and sincere. "Consider it a sleepover. We'll watch some cheesy movies, raid the vending machine for snacks, and before you know it, morning will be here and you can go get your key."
His words filled me with a sense of relief, and I couldn't help but feel a surge of affection for my friend and his unwavering kindness. "Thank you, Nick," I said, my voice soft with emotion. "I don't know what I would do without you."
Nick grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "You don't have to thank me," he replied, his tone gentle. "That's what friends are for, right?"
"Right," I echoed softly, my voice tinged with gratitude. But beneath the surface, I couldn't help but feel a subtle shift in the air, a flutter of something unfamiliar stirring in the depths of my heart.
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As the movie played in the background, the dim light casting a cozy glow over Nick's dorm room, I couldn't help but notice the oversized hoodie I was wearing. It was soft and warm, the fabric carrying a faint scent of Nick's cologne that enveloped me like a comforting embrace.
"Hey, you're wearing my clothes," Nick remarked with a playful grin, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he gestured towards the hoodie I had borrowed.
I felt a flush of embarrassment creep up my cheeks as I glanced down at myself, suddenly self-conscious under his scrutiny. "Sorry for borrowing your clothes," I murmured, feeling a pang of guilt for invading his personal space.
But Nick simply waved off my apology, his expression warm and reassuring. "Don't be," he replied, his voice gentle. "You look great in them."
His words caught me off guard, sending a rush of warmth flooding through me. In that moment, bathed in the soft glow of the TV and surrounded by the comforting scent of Nick's cologne, I couldn't help but feel a sense of closeness that went beyond mere friendship.
And as we settled back into the couch, our shoulders brushing against each other in the intimate space, I couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted between us, something unspoken and electric that lingered in the air like static electricity.
As the movie wound down and the credits rolled, Nick stretched his arms above his head, a contented sigh escaping his lips. "Well, I think it's about time I hit the hay," he said, glancing at the clock on the wall. "Got an early practice tomorrow."
I nodded in understanding, the warmth of the hoodie he lent me providing a sense of comfort as I curled up on the couch. "Yeah, I should probably get some sleep too," I replied, stifling a yawn.
Nick bid me goodnight with a gentle smile before disappearing into his bedroom, leaving me alone in the dimly lit living room. I closed my eyes, hoping to drift off into a peaceful slumber, but as the minutes ticked by, sleep eluded me.
Suddenly, a shiver ran down my spine as a vivid nightmare gripped my subconscious, sending me tumbling into a world of darkness and fear. I jolted awake, my heart pounding in my chest as I struggled to catch my breath, the remnants of the nightmare still haunting me.
Without hesitation, I sprang from the couch and made my way to Nick's bedroom, my pulse racing with a mixture of fear and desperation. I knocked softly on the door, my voice trembling as I called out his name.
"Nick?" I whispered, my hand hovering uncertainly over the doorknob. "Can I come in?"
The door creaked open, revealing Nick's concerned expression as he peered at me from the darkness of his room. "Y/N, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice laced with worry.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I recounted the terrifying nightmare that had shaken me to the core. Without hesitation, Nick pulled me into his embrace, his arms wrapping around me in a comforting cocoon of warmth and safety.
"It's okay, Y/N," he murmured, his voice soothing and reassuring. "You're safe now. I'm here."
And as we settled into his bed, our bodies pressed close together in the darkness, I couldn't help but feel a sense of peace wash over me
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As I blinked away the remnants of sleep, the warmth of the bed enveloping me in its comforting embrace, I couldn't shake the feeling of confusion that lingered in the air. Where was I? And why did everything feel so... different?
As I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, it dawned on me—I was in Nick's bed. Memories of the night before flooded back, the nightmare that had shaken me awake, and Nick's comforting presence as he held me close, soothing away my fears.
But as I looked around the room, I realized that I was alone. Nick was nowhere to be seen, leaving me feeling a pang of disappointment and confusion. Had it all been a dream?
Without hesitation, I reached for my phone, my fingers trembling as I typed out a quick message to my friends, recounting the events of the night before and the unsettling feeling of waking up alone in Nick's bed.
But as I made my way to the bathroom to freshen up, the sound of the front door opening caught my attention, sending a rush of adrenaline coursing through my veins. Was it Nick? And if so, where had he been all morning?
My heart pounded in my chest as I approached the doorway, the anticipation almost overwhelming. And then, as I stepped into the living room, my eyes widened in surprise at the sight before me.
There, standing in the doorway with a sheepish grin on his face, was Nick. He was clad in a rumpled t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair tousled from sleep and a guilty look in his eyes.
"Hey, Y/N," he greeted, his voice tinged with nervousness. "I, uh, didn't mean to leave you alone this morning. I had to run out for a bit, but I'm back now."
I blinked in confusion, unsure of how to respond to his sudden reappearance. "Oh," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper. "That's okay. I, uh, was just... surprised to wake up alone."
Nick's expression softened, a hint of regret flickering across his features. "I'm sorry," he said, his tone sincere. "I should've let you know where I was going. I just went to get your key.” 
As Nick's words washed over me, a wave of relief flooded my senses. The tension that had been coiling in my chest loosened, replaced by a sense of gratitude for his thoughtfulness and consideration.
"You went to get my key?" I repeated, my voice tinged with disbelief. "But... why?"
Nick shrugged sheepishly, his gaze dropping to the floor. "I know how much you hate running across campus alone, especially at night," he admitted, his tone earnest. "And after everything that happened last night, I just wanted to make sure you didn't have to go through that again."
His words struck a chord deep within me, stirring a swell of emotion that threatened to overwhelm me. Here was Nick, going out of his way to ensure my safety and well-being, even after a night that had undoubtedly left him exhausted and drained.
"Thank you, Nick," I said, my voice soft with emotion. "I... I don't know what to say."
Nick smiled, his eyes lighting up with genuine warmth. "You don't have to say anything," he replied, his tone gentle. "Just knowing that you're safe is enough for me."
Feeling Nick's arms wrap around me, pulling me into a warm embrace, I couldn't help but let out a shaky sigh of relief. His presence was like a comforting anchor in the midst of uncertainty, grounding me and soothing away the lingering traces of fear and doubt.
For a moment, we stood there, locked in a tight embrace, our bodies pressed close together as if seeking solace in each other's warmth. And as I buried my face in Nick's shoulder, inhaling the familiar scent of his cologne, I felt a sense of peace settle over me like a soft blanket.
"Thank you, Nick," I murmured, my voice muffled against his chest. "For everything."
Nick squeezed me tighter, his grip firm and reassuring. "Anytime, Y/N," he whispered, his breath warm against my ear. "I'll always be here for you."
And in that moment, surrounded by the gentle rhythm of Nick's heartbeat and the warmth of his embrace, I knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, as long as I had Nick by my side, I would never have to face them alone. With him, I felt safe, cherished, and utterly, unquestionably loved.
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The euphoria of victory pulsed through the air as Nick and his teammates celebrated their triumph on the ice. The cheers of the crowd still echoed in his ears as he made his way through the bustling streets of campus, the adrenaline of the game fueling his every step.
But amidst the jubilant celebrations and congratulatory pats on the back, Nick couldn't shake the feeling of restlessness that gnawed at his insides. Despite the victory, despite the adulation of the fans and the pride of his teammates, there was a sense of emptiness that lingered beneath the surface—a void that seemed impossible to fill.
So, without giving it a second thought, Nick found himself wandering aimlessly through the familiar streets of campus, the cool night air washing over him like a balm for his weary soul. With each step, he felt the weight of the world lifting from his shoulders, replaced by a sense of freedom and exhilaration unlike anything he had ever experienced.
And then, as if drawn by an invisible force, Nick found himself standing before Y/N's doorstep, his heart pounding in his chest as he hesitated for just a moment before reaching out to knock.
The sound of his knuckles rapping against the wood echoed through the stillness of the night, sending a rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins. What was he doing here? What had possessed him to seek out Y/N in the dead of night, with no explanation and no plan?
But before he could second-guess himself any further, the door swung open, revealing Y/N's surprised expression as she took in the sight of him standing on her doorstep, breathless and disheveled from the night's festivities.
"Nick?" she exclaimed, her eyes widening in shock. "What are you doing here?"
Nick's throat felt dry as he struggled to find the right words, his mind racing a mile a minute as he searched for an explanation. "I... I don't know," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I just... I needed to see you."
Y/N's expression softened, a hint of concern flickering across her features. "Are you okay?" she asked, reaching out to gently touch his arm.
Nick nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Yeah, I think so," he replied, his voice steadier now. "I just... I wanted to be with you." 
As Y/N ushered Nick inside, a surge of tension crackled in the air between them, palpable and electric. There was a raw vulnerability in the way Nick looked at her, his gaze searching hers with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine.
"Thanks," Nick muttered, his voice husky with emotion as he stumbled into the warmth of Y/N's apartment. "I appreciate it."
Y/N nodded, her heart pounding in her chest as she guided him to the couch, his movements unsteady and uncertain. She couldn't help but notice the way his hand lingered against hers, the heat of his touch searing her skin even through the fabric of her clothes.
As she settled Nick onto the couch, a flood of conflicting emotions washed over Y/N—concern for his well-being, frustration at his reckless behavior, and a simmering undercurrent of something more, something she couldn't quite put into words.
"Here," she murmured, her voice soft as she handed him a bucket in case he needed it. "You should probably drink some water and try to get some rest."
Nick nodded gratefully, his gaze lingering on Y/N's face for a moment longer than necessary. "Thanks, Y/N," he said, his voice hoarse with gratitude. "You're too good to me."
Y/N forced a smile, her heart twisting with a mixture of longing and regret. "It's no problem," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "Just... try not to make a habit of it, okay?"
Y/N's heart clenched as she watched Nick settle onto the couch, his features softened by the haze of alcohol. She wanted to reach out, to erase the troubled lines from his forehead, but she held herself back, the tension between them too thick to ignore.
"Goodnight, Nick," she murmured, her voice tinged with a mixture of concern and hesitation. "Call out if you need anything, okay?"
Nick nodded, his eyes heavy with exhaustion as he mumbled a barely coherent reply. And with a heavy heart, Y/N turned away, retreating to the solitude of her bedroom, where she could grapple with the whirlwind of emotions that threatened to consume her.
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But just as she was drifting off to sleep, a loud retching sound shattered the silence of the night, sending a jolt of panic coursing through her veins. With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Y/N bolted upright, her heart hammering in her chest as she rushed to Nick's side.
"Nick, are you okay?" she asked, her voice trembling with worry as she knelt beside him on the couch.
Nick groaned, his face pale and clammy as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I... I think I puked," he admitted, his voice thick with shame.
Y/N's heart went out to him, her own discomfort forgotten in the face of his distress. "It's okay," she reassured him, her voice soft and soothing. "Let's get you cleaned up."
Together, they worked in silence, Y/N fetching cleaning supplies while Nick slumped against the cushions, his face drawn with exhaustion and embarrassment. And as they scrubbed away the evidence of his indiscretion, a quiet understanding passed between them, unspoken but palpable.
"I'm sorry," Nick whispered, his voice barely audible over the sound of running water. "I didn't mean to..."
Y/N placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, her touch a silent reassurance that he was not alone. "It's okay," she replied, her voice filled with compassion. "We all make mistakes. What's important is that you're okay."
As Y/N finished cleaning up the mess, she turned to Nick, her expression soft with concern. "Nick, do you want to take a shower?" she asked gently, her voice filled with compassion. "I can go grab you some fresh clothes while you clean up."
Nick nodded weakly, gratitude shining in his eyes as he met her gaze. "That... that would be great," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.
With a reassuring smile, Y/N helped Nick to his feet and guided him towards the bathroom, her hand a steady anchor against his trembling frame. She couldn't help but feel a surge of sympathy for him, his vulnerability tugging at her heartstrings in a way she couldn't quite explain.
"Here, I'll go grab you some clothes," she said, her voice gentle as she squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Just take your time in the shower, okay? I'll be right back."
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As Y/N slipped into Nick's dorm room, the air felt charged with anticipation, her heart pounding in her chest with a mixture of nerves and excitement. She had come here with a singular purpose—to retrieve some clothes for Nick—but as she stepped inside, her gaze fell upon something unexpected.
There, sitting on Nick's desk, was a small velvet box, its lid slightly ajar to reveal the glint of polished metal within. Curiosity piqued, Y/N approached the desk, her fingers trembling as she reached out to lift the lid.
And then, as she gazed upon the delicate piece of jewelry nestled within the box, her breath caught in her throat. It was a dahlia pendant, its petals crafted from shimmering silver and adorned with tiny sparkling diamonds. It was exquisite, a breathtaking work of art that seemed to shimmer and dance in the dim light of the room.
As Y/N's eyes fell upon the exquisite dahlia pendant nestled within the box, her breath caught in her throat. The pendant glimmered in the dim light of the room, its delicate petals crafted from shimmering silver and adorned with tiny sparkling diamonds. It was a breathtaking work of art, a testament to Nick's thoughtfulness and attention to detail.
But as quickly as her eyes had landed on the pendant, Y/N felt a pang of guilt wash over her. She had never intended to stumble upon such a personal and intimate gift, and the realization that she had inadvertently invaded Nick's privacy filled her with a sense of unease.
With trembling hands, Y/N carefully closed the lid of the box, her heart heavy with regret. She had no right to pry into Nick's personal affairs, no right to intrude upon the sanctity of his space. And as she turned to leave the room, her mind filled with conflicting emotions, she vowed to keep the discovery to herself, to respect Nick's privacy and his right to keep his secrets.
Y/N reentered the room, her heart still fluttering with the weight of what she had discovered, yet determined to maintain a facade of normalcy. "I got your clothes," she announced softly, holding out the bundle she had retrieved from Nick's closet.
Nick looked up, a grateful smile spreading across his face as he accepted the clothes from her outstretched hand. "Thanks, Y/N," he murmured, his voice hoarse with gratitude.
Y/N returned his smile, though her mind was still reeling from the unexpected turn of events. She couldn't help but steal a glance at the closed box on Nick's desk, the image of the dahlia pendant etched into her memory.
But she quickly pushed aside her curiosity, focusing instead on the task at hand—helping Nick get cleaned up and settled for the night. With practiced ease, she guided him towards the bathroom once more, offering him a reassuring smile as she left him to his privacy.
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As Y/N entered the living room, her steps cautious and tentative, she couldn't help but feel a sense of unease gnawing at her insides. Nick was still there, slumbering peacefully on the couch, his features softened by the light of the morning sun.
With a heavy sigh, Y/N approached him, her heart aching with a mixture of concern and affection. She couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for leaving him alone on the couch all night, but the events of the previous evening had left her emotionally drained and uncertain of how to proceed.
"Nick?" she murmured softly, reaching out to gently shake his shoulder. "Are you awake?"
Nick stirred, his eyes fluttering open as he blinked up at her in confusion. "Y/N?" he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep. "What time is it?"
Y/N checked her phone, noting the time with a furrowed brow. "It's almost noon," she replied, her voice tinged with concern. "You've been asleep for hours."
Nick groaned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he sat up on the couch. "Sorry," he muttered, his voice sheepish. "I must have passed out."
Y/N shook her head, offering him a reassuring smile. "It's okay," she said, her tone gentle. "You needed the rest."
Nick nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Thanks, Y/N," he said, his voice filled with gratitude. "For everything."
Y/N returned his smile, her heart swelling with warmth at the sight of him. "Anytime, Nick," she replied, her voice soft. "Anytime."
As Nick rubbed the sleep from his eyes, Y/N couldn't help but notice the fatigue etched into his features. "You look exhausted," she remarked, her concern deepening. "Did you sleep okay?"
Nick nodded, though there was a hint of hesitation in his response. "Yeah, I guess so," he replied, his voice tinged with uncertainty. "I just... I've been feeling a bit off lately."
Y/N's brow furrowed with worry as she took in Nick's weary demeanor. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked gently, reaching out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Nick hesitated for a moment, his gaze flickering away before meeting hers once more. "It's just... everything feels so overwhelming sometimes," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I feel like I'm constantly struggling to keep up, to meet everyone's expectations. And... I don't know, I guess I'm just tired of pretending like I have it all together when I really don't."
Y/N's heart ached at the raw vulnerability in Nick's words, the weight of his struggles evident in every syllable. Without hesitation, she wrapped him in a comforting embrace, holding him close as if to shield him from the world's harsh realities.
"You don't have to pretend with me, Nick," she murmured, her voice soft with understanding. "You can be yourself, flaws and all. I'll still be here for you, no matter what."
Nick's shoulders sagged with relief as he leaned into her embrace, the weight of his burdens momentarily lifted in the warmth of her presence. "Thank you, Y/N," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
Y/N held him tighter, her own heart swelling with affection for the man who had unwittingly stolen it.
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As Y/N made her way to the arena, her heart fluttered with a mixture of excitement and anticipation. It was the biggest game of the season—a chance for Nick and his teammates to prove themselves before the playoffs—and she was determined to be there to show her support.
The atmosphere inside the arena was electric, the air crackling with energy as the crowd roared with excitement. Y/N couldn't help but feel a surge of pride as she watched Nick take to the ice, his determination evident in every stride.
As the game unfolded, Y/N found herself on the edge of her seat, her heart pounding in time with each pass and shot. The tension in the air was palpable, each moment filled with the promise of victory or the threat of defeat.
And then, in the final moments of the game, with the score tied and the clock ticking down, Nick seized his opportunity. With a burst of speed and skill, he maneuvered past the opposing defense, his stick connecting with the puck in a perfect shot that sailed past the goalie and into the back of the net.
The crowd erupted into cheers as the buzzer sounded, signaling the end of the game and a hard-fought victory for Nick and his teammates. Y/N couldn't contain her excitement as she joined in the celebration, her heart soaring with pride for the man she had come to care for so deeply.
As the players made their way off the ice, Y/N caught sight of Nick making his way towards her, a triumphant smile on his face. He pulled her into a tight embrace, his joy infectious as he spun her around in a whirl of excitement.
"We did it, Y/N," he exclaimed, his voice filled with elation. "We won!"
Y/N laughed, her own happiness bubbling over as she returned Nick's embrace. "I knew you could do it," she replied, her voice filled with pride. "I'm so proud of you, Nick."
Nick's smile widened at her words, his eyes shining with gratitude and affection. "Thanks, Y/N," he replied, his voice tinged with emotion. "I couldn't have done it without you."
Y/N's heart skipped a beat at his words, her smile widening as she gazed up at him. There was a warmth in Nick's eyes, a tenderness that spoke volumes without him having to say a word. In that moment, she felt closer to him than ever before, their bond strengthened by the shared experience of victory and celebration.
As the crowd began to thin out and the arena emptied, Nick turned to Y/N with a serious expression, a hint of nervousness flickering in his eyes. "Y/N, there's something I want to talk to you about," he said, his voice low with intensity. "Something important."
Y/N's curiosity was piqued, her pulse quickening with anticipation. "What is it?" she asked, her voice filled with curiosity.
Nick glanced around the nearly empty arena, his expression serious. "Can we talk after I get out of the locker room?" he asked, his voice tinged with urgency. "It's... it's something I've been wanting to say for a while now."
Y/N nodded, a sense of excitement tingling in her veins. "Of course," she replied, her heart pounding with anticipation.
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As Y/N waited outside the locker room, her anticipation grew with each passing moment. She couldn't shake the feeling of nervous excitement that coursed through her veins, her heart pounding in her chest as she wondered what Nick wanted to tell her.
Finally, the door swung open, and Nick emerged from the locker room, his expression serious yet determined. Without a word, he gestured for Y/N to follow him, leading her to a quiet corner of the arena away from prying eyes and curious onlookers.
Once they were alone, Nick turned to face Y/N, his gaze searching hers with a mixture of apprehension and longing. "Y/N," he began, his voice soft but filled with emotion. "There's something I need to tell you. Something I should have said a long time ago."
Y/N's heart skipped a beat at the seriousness in Nick's tone, her pulse quickening with anticipation. "What is it?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Nick took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving hers as he spoke. "I love you, Y/N," he confessed, his voice raw with emotion. "I've loved you for as long as I can remember, and I can't imagine my life without you."
Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes as she took in Nick's words, her heart overflowing with emotion. She had waited so long to hear him say those three simple words, and now that he had, she felt like she was floating on air.
"Oh Nick," she whispered, her voice choked with emotion. "I love you too."
Without hesitation, she threw her arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace as she buried her face in his chest. In that moment, surrounded by the quiet of the empty arena and the warmth of Nick's embrace, Y/N felt like she was exactly where she was meant to be.
And then, as they stood there together in the quiet of the arena, Nick reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. With trembling hands, he opened it to reveal the dahlia pendant, its delicate petals gleaming in the dim light.
"I want you to have this," he said, his voice filled with sincerity. "As a reminder of my love for you, and everything we've been through together."
Tears streamed down Y/N's cheeks as she reached out to take the pendant, her fingers trembling with emotion. "It's beautiful," she whispered, her voice filled with wonder.
Nick smiled, a tender expression on his face as he gently fastened the pendant around Y/N's neck. "Just like you," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.
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I got a little too carried away when writing this. oh well, who doesnt love moldy
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