#and i cant know that i always have a positive effect but i ways come back to the vaguely right leaning centrist dude i worked with at mcds

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Shout out to the folks at work the other day that enabled/encouraged me to go on a lil infodump about being transgender and who had genuine questions and listened to my answers. Obviously it's not something queer folks should be expected to do but I love being a point of information for people! I love talking about my experiences and my understandings of philosophies that intersect with that and I think alot of cishet people are maybe uncomfortable asking blunt questions? But so long as they're posed in good faith and with willingness to think about the response, I enjoy answering those weirdly specific things. How else to we dispel the willful ignorance that places of power want to foster towards us? I refuse to he a scapegoat and am deeply grateful to the people that are receptive to experiences outside their own

[toshidou]

taskforce 141 - favourite positions . . .

Characters // Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" Mactavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Captain John Price

Tags // 18+ ONLY, afab reader, creampie, biting, squirting, smoking, dominant Price.

AN // don't ask me why the price one was so long, because the only answer you're going to get is "excruciating brainrot"

(if you don't know any of the positions, don't be afraid to get on with some googling. i promise it'll be totally worth the bug-eyed stare you'll be getting from your assigned FBI agent.)

Simon “Ghost” Riley - Doggy style

He knows it’s cliché as fuck, but there’s something about being able to hold your hips as he loses himself in you that just drives him fucking wild. 

Especially when he fucks you so good, your arms give out, your back arched so perfectly before him. You look like the definition of ‘face down, ass up', so much so that the sight alone has his eyes rolling straight to the back of his head. 

He’ll make you hold that position for as long as possible, veins popping in his arms as he holds your hips up for you, cock drilling near torturously against your fluttering walls, clenching each time his balls slap against your throbbing clit.

It's addictive, being able to watch how well you take his cock, blackened eyes locked on the way your pussy takes every thick inch of him, strong fingers prying apart the reddened globes of your ass to get a better look at how prettily your cunt spasms around his shaft, at how your velvet walls desperately attempt to suck him in to the hilt.

And it always takes every ounce of strength within him not to cum on the spot when he glances up and sees your face tilted to the side from where it's pressed against a drool soaked pillow; lidded, molten eyes pinned on him from under your lashes, perfectly pink lips stretched open, leaking endless breathy whines and soft moans of his name that have him turning near fucking feral.

When he's getting close, he'll plaster his chest to your back, hands coming down harshly, planted either side of your head, low grunts and harsh breaths panted against the shell of your ear, "that's it, sweetheart, takin' my cock like you were fuckin' made for it, made just for me."

Anytime he has your skin within reach of his mouth, he never hesitates to bite down, adorning every inch of your skin with teeth indentations that bruise, semi-permanent reminders that you're his (the knowledge that you wear his marks when he's away are sometimes the only thing that get's him through).

He'll lean back up before he climaxes, not afraid to admit he has an addiction to watching the way his cum dribbles in thick rivulets down your thighs, unable to stop himself from dragging his spent cock up your sweat and cum slicked skin, gathering his seed on the reddened tip, only to lazily push it back right back into you.

(Sometimes that alone has the blood rushing right back to his dick, fucking you straight into round two, no breaks required. That's the effect you have on him.)

John “Soap” Mactavish - G-Whiz

No matter how it starts, you will always end up in this position, your legs thrown over Johnny's shoulders, his hands gripping your outer thighs so hard you know he's left bruises, again.

Not that either of you are complaining, not when you know just how wild having you like this drives him, frenzied eyes darting constantly up the length of your body, from your fucked out face, down to the way your tits bounce with every aggressive cant of his hips against your ass, finally landing on the piece de résistance, your perfect little hole, stretched so beautifully around him.

There are many reasons this is favourite way to fuck you senseless, almost too many to name. Whether it be the way he can drag his fingers up your quivering legs, holding your knees from where they hook over thick, built shoulders, using them as a leverage to fuck into your pussy harder, harder, harder, just like you're senselessly begging him for between hiccupped breaths.

Or maybe because he knows that when he's away, the only thing you'll be thinking about as you frantically grind your core against his pillow will be this. The perfect way he rolls his hips, hitting the angle that has you screaming his name every single fucking time without fail. Thick, rough fingers rubbing harsh circles against your abused clit as you squirt around his cock, shaking hands forming an ironclad grip on his wrist that lets him know that you're teetering on the edge of insanity, body unable to work out whether it wants him to stop, or if it needs more.

He knows it's always the latter.

"C'mon hen, I know you can gimme more, show me how pretty you look when I fuckin' ruin ya."

When he's finally done with you, his cockhead buried against your cervix, pumping you full of every drop of cum he has to offer, he'll litter the side of your thighs with feather-light kisses and gentle praises, all uttered against your skin with a giddy smile that won't leave his lips for hours afterwards.

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick - Pretzel Dip

Without a doubt, there's nothing that Gaz could say he loves more than eye contact. The intimacy he feels from keeping his gaze locked to yours as you fall apart on his cock has kept him awake on more nights that he cares to admit whenever you're apart.

Plagued by the image of you half leant on your side, head lolling as your energy dips, all consumed by the pleasure that rolls through your nervous system in continuous, agonising waves. Haunted by the memories of one of his thighs sandwiched betwixt both of yours, clenching around him in unison with the walls of your pussy as he drags his cock against it in torturously slow, deep thrusts.

He saves fucking you like this for when he's finally reunited with you, uses it as one of his many motivations to return home safe, because when you're finally cradled in his arms once more, it's only a matter of minutes before he has you just the way he wants you: on your side and shaking. It works for you as well, unable to prevent the wetness that gathers between your thighs when you learn that Kyle is mere hours from returning, knowing what will inevitably come the second he walks through the door.

He doesn't let his eyes leave yours for a second, barely remembers to fucking blink, because he knows how flustered you get when he looks at you like this, like a man starved and the only thing that could ever satiate him is you.

He'll keep the pace languid, if only to watch the way soft gasps turn to keening pleas, adorable little begs falling from your mouth when the contentedness of his return transforms into unbridled desperation, not a single thought residing in your mind other than the all consuming need to cum.

He'll only begins to really fuck you when he feels the coil in his gut start to wind, unable to hold back the animalistic urge to pound you into the mattress, his gaze turning from soft, to predatory in mere seconds. It's the only hint you get before he's splitting you in half, watching you with wild eyes as you grip onto the bedsheets in a last ditch attempt to find purchase, to keep you somewhat anchored as his cock slams into you at near inhuman speed.

Neither of you last much longer after that, frenzied hips stuttering to a standstill as the coil finally snaps, lidded eyes still remain fixed to yours, only closing when he leans down and captures your lips with his, cradling your tired neck with such care, it has you preening into his touch.

"God, I've missed you, gorgeous."

"Missed me, or my pussy?"

"Am I not allowed to say both? I feel like I'm not allowed to say both."

"... I mean I missed your dick. Can't say as much about the rest of you -oof- no! No hickies, I have work tomorrow you fucking heathen—"

John Price - Cowgirl

There aren't many things John can say he loves more than watching you ride his cock. Of course, he loves his cigars, and will never pass up a glass of whiskey after a long night. But this? Nothing comes fucking close.

No, none of those things are a patch on the sight of you fucking yourself on his cock, hands much daintier than his could ever be planted squarely against his chest, wisps of curled hair peaking from between spread fingers as you use his torso as leverage to bounce harder, faster on his twitching length.

He lets you do all the work, lidded, relaxed eyes languidly taking in the way your face twists in frustration, eyebrows pinched together, annoyed little humphs exhaled past downturned lips as your energy rapidly depletes, thigh muscles burning from overexertion battling against the need to please, to wipe the smug, cocky smirk from the Captain's lips and leave him breathless instead.

Sometimes, if he's really looking to rile you up, he'll reach his hands down towards your waist, savouring the way your eyes light up, only to see that optimism snuffed out the second he reaches for his trouser pocket, hanging just below his hips, and pulls out a fresh cigar and his favourite lighter, the one you bought him. A purchase you sincerely regret every time it's used to taunt you.

He'll hang the rolled tobacco between self-satisfied lips, maintaining steady eye contact as he flicks open the cap of the stainless steel lighter, and sparks up. No matter how hard you try to keep your reactions at bay, they always slip through, fingernails biting into his skin, inking red crescents into his chest, rising to the challenge he sets, even if you know you're giving him exactly what he wants.

The taunting will only get worse, every drop in your pace has him smirking, fingers that remain attached to the cigar pull it from his lips, letting smoke billow from his open mouth, watching as it curls in playful tendrils, caressing your face as they pass by. Always followed by words that aim to goad, rasped out in a low, intoxicating tone so condescending that it has your knees shaking.

"Need help already, sweetheart?"

"Look at how much your thighs are shaking. Is that from exhaustion, or my cock?"

"Come on now, thought I taught you how to ride dick better than this, love."

And like clockwork, you snap, fingers plucking the lit cigar from his mouth and stamping it out against his discarded shirt. There are many ways you've fired him up enough to finally fuck you. But for a second you fear that the line may have been well and truly crossed.

"Now now, pet, I think you might live to regret that."

You'd get little other warning before rough hands come to grip the plush of your waist, lifting you enough to allow him to plant his feet against the bed and fuck up into you so hard you have little other choice than to collapse against his chest, fingernails leaving biting red lines across skin as you feel his cock hammer against the convulsing walls of your cunt, somehow deeper than you knew possible, dragging against pleasure points you didn't know existed until Price had come along and effectively ruined you for any other man.

It wouldn't take much to send you careening off the edge, pussy clamping down on his cock hard enough he can't help but follow, rough, deep groans reverberate through his chest, where your head is still firmly planted, exhaustion creeping through every aching muscle as you whimper pathetically into red, welted skin, finding comfort in the soft tickle of his chest hair against your tear splotched cheeks.

"Did so well for me, love, always make me feel so fuckin' good."

Because no matter how much Price loves to provoke you, he'll always be there to soothe you afterwards, with soft caresses and consuming kisses.

A pause— 

"Can't believe you put out my fuckin' cigar, and on my favourite shirt, no less."

"It was the least you deserved, John, and you know it."

[prettysweetprettysweet]

while i understand why some viewers would be puzzled by Achi's quietness, reserved energy, and the way he nearly always lets Karan take the lead - which might make it seem like he isn't invested in the relationship - for me that is actually an element I really like because it makes certain moments hit a lot harder.

the way I've been interpreting it is that Achi's critical insecurity and lack of self-worth is still deeply rooted and trying to keep him stuck in his default closed off/blend into your environment behavior model. that is certainly not going to go away overnight, but the more he interacts with Karan in this new romantic relationship context, the more opportunity Karan has to start chipping away at the barrier that keeps Achi from letting himself feel comfortable in a state of being loved. and it seems like a challenge that Karan is more than happy to take on, because you can see how giddy he gets when he's able to get a full-bodied positive reaction out of Achi. like when Karan said, cheezily and with an air of ridiculousness, that he had opened the bottle for Achi so Achi wouldn't wear himself out.

like Karan is RELISHING having elicited this wide, full-faced smile out of Achi.

we also saw Achi being treated like an object of beauty as Karan poses him for photos. he's being handled preciously by Karan, and for me this read as 'aaaaaahhhhhh my heart is racing i cant breathe, i've never felt like this before, i love this feeling.' It's a quiet and inward-facing response, but it has a huge amount of significance in regards to Achi's self-image. He is realizing through all of Karan's careful and loving gestures and affectionate gazes that he is beautiful in Karan's eyes - and he's starting to believe it himself, helping him build the confidence to begin responding fully to Karan and extending himself in turn.

We can estimate that Achi has probably never been comfortable with photo taking because he is so self-conscious about his body, and it takes the first half of the date for him to loosen up. but later on when Karan asks Achi if he would be interested in being photographed even more to fill the time before dinner, Achi agrees readily and with a smile, because he has become that comfortable in Karan's company. and Karan, again, is delighted at this slow but steady change in Achi's receptiveness to being loved and adored.

It does seem like Achi isn't vocalizing his feelings nearly as much as Karan. But remember - most of Karan's deepest, most intense romantic pinings have occurred in his thoughts and not out loud, because he's very concerned with Achi's comfort and doesn't want to scare or overwhelm him. Karan is open with his body language and more than comfortable offering signs of his care and affection, a stark contrast to Achi.

Achi, on the other hand, hasn't quite let himself believe that he's worthy of Karan's love and instead seems to think that Karan has made a horrible mistake. This is changing, and we are starting to see how Achi is slowly letting himself believe that this is real and that Karan knows who he is and is in love with him, the real him - and this naturally leads Achi to start viewing himself as a lovable person.

But one side effect of Achi having spent so long doubting Karan's affection for him is that he seems to have tried to squash any hope he might have inside him that anything good could happen to him, that he could really have a claim to Karan and Karan a claim to him. This is an act of self-preservation, in case Karan 'comes to his senses' and realizes that Achi is actually boring, unremarkable, and unworthy of being cared for by anyone.

So when Achi starts to let hope seep in, it really is precious. in episode 7, he expresses genuine fear about revealing his mindreading to Karan - because the outcome could likely be that Karan will be put off and not want to be around Achi anymore. he and Karan had reached a point of promise and new beginnings (love! hope!), and Achi doesn't want to risk losing Karan as a lover.

Achi also had a moment of real vulnerability this episode, when he tells Tanaka that Karan's support has been a source of motivation for him to continue striving for self-growth. Achi's eyes are welling with emotion, and Karan definitely wasn't expecting an admission like this from Achi.

Achi is visibly having a rough time in the meeting with Tanaka, and reacts with a look of panic when Tanaka asks what would happen if he and Karan broke up, as well as when Karan offered to resign.

Achi had allowed himself to feel hope at the prospect of having Karan be a part of his life, and is starting to panic as complications threaten their ability to start laying a foundation for their relationship in earnest. He's racking his brain for ways to help Karan, covering his eyes as he builds himself up to look at Karan's sales number like its a horror film, and checking in with him/worrying about Karan non-stop.

Favorite moment of the episode: Karan being as explicit as he's ever been about his romantic aspirations ("No obstacles can come between our love now") and Achi looking like he feels like the most special boy in the universe, UNDENIABLY very excited to hear it but also embarrassed - and Karan is so tickled to have gotten that reaction from him.

The episode ends with Achi singing along with the song in Karan's head and being adorably playful when Karan brings him candy. I feel like Achi is a stray cat that Karan is trying to tame, except in this case Achi's feral quality is his insecurity hindering outward expression and Karan is 'taming' him by providing him the comfort and safety to be himself. Every time Karan wins a moment of Achi allowing his true feelings and personality to shine through, I think of someone being like 'mom, the cat I've been trying to win over - he's coming up to sniff my hand now!'

Something to be excited about in next week's episode based on the preview: they have clearly broken through the physical affection barrier. Ecstatic hugs, heads in laps, holding hands in bed, piggy back rides...Achi is going to further permit himself to feel and want things and indulge those wants, and also give Karan affection in return, showing that he is just as happy to be with Karan as Karan is to be with him, and just as invested in the future of their love story. While its been a journey mixed with slow and subtle growth, I really do love and appreciate how the narrative is allowing Achi the time and space to transform how he views himself and how that translates to his relationship with Karan.

more thoughts here

[taxkha]

i love your art so much i can't even describe it!! for the past year, every time i see it, it inspires me to create and improve so much i can't be jealous; i can only work harder hoping i can invoke the same feeling in someone else one day. your masterful use of loose lines and cozy colors never fails to make me happy on the rainiest day. do you have any tips for establishing such atmospheres, such as color selection or particular poses or expressions? (i don't write very well, sorry if this seems confusing) -an anon who appreciates your work to the fullest

Oh my god anon, you are so sweet, thank you so much (ಥ﹏ಥ) It means so much to hear I inspire someone to draw and I'm happy I can motivate you! <3 Please keep it up and I would love to see what you are making if you ever feel like sharing it! x) I'm so happy to hear my art has such a positive impact on you!! Okay so regarding your questions! When it comes to colors I recently made a coloring tutorial where I also went a bit into how I select colors, how I shade and what my go to effect layers are, you can find it here but it's also currently pinned at the top of my blog! I explained it in my tutorial but I will say it here again, I rely a lot on effect layers. That isn't wrong by any means and is what I would argue most digital artists do but if you want to learn actual color theory that goes beyond what colors compliment each other I unfortunately cant help with that on my own nor do I have any guides at hand to redirect you to :") Speaking of complimentary colors though, knowing your color wheel and which colors contrast each other already helps a lot! My favourites are green/red and orange/blue! To give some examples: green/red

These are less about an atmosphere achieved through lighting but more about the general subject matter of the piece. They are both more ominous and uh, bloody and threatening. And for Orange/Blue

The orange and blue combination is something you see in a lot of movies, for example Mad Max Fury Road or Blade Runner 2049 and many many more which have likely influenced me on what colors I chose in my art to some extend. Paying attention to media other than your own helps a ton and can totally improve on how you approach you art! Like, obviously I draw mostly anime/manga esque art and I get most of my inspiration from manga and video games, but I also try and look at buildings when Im outside, look closely at shot compositions in movies and so on! Other inspirations that have helped me are artbooks from my favorite games/shows/series, if you enjoy those x) Theres probably PDFs to be found of a lot of artbooks online if you don't want to spend money on them. I know you didn't directly ask what my inspirations are lol but they absolutely helped me! OKAY SO now about poses and expressions. Since you mentioned my loose lines, I have very good advice for that: Draw without erasing. Get a scrap book or some lose paper, cheap paper! And a pen you cant erase, such as a fineliner or a ballpoint pen and then draw. Do not go into it with the intent to make an actual good drawing, just. Draw! Draw half finished faces, hands, bodies, cats, whatever you feel like. Fill up the entire page. If you don't want to waste any paper, do it digitally but don't erase! Do that a lot. You will train yourself to draw loser and loser as time goes on. I've always had the habit of doodling onto everything mindlessly and I still do so I never had to actively practice drawing lose lines but thats most likely the reason why I draw the way I do! I actually have some examples from today because I got distracted at work:

I just draw whatever comes to mind until the page is full. I usually don't even keep these pages :") It has helped me a lot though. Uh yeah thats pretty much everything?? Thanks so much again for sending this ask, it was a very sweet thing to wake up to and I hope my rambles here can be of any help and to you good luck in your art endeavors!! :) <3

[cowboinifaggotini]

okay, look far too many people are saying that Blitz was in the wrong here so here are some reasons about why I think Stolas handled this terribly and he is actually in the wrong and not Blitzø (even though both of em are in the wrong)

1. Before we even get to the actual meeting, the fact that Stolas had not prepared Blitz for what was about to happen at all, like he went 'hey come over to have sex'. This is the first thing that makes me feel like even if Stolas deeply cares for Blitz he does not consider his feelings at all. It is just saving a lot of hurt in situations like this to just say "hey come over, we need to talk about something, nothing bad I promise". or anything similar.

2. The fucking book thing. God the fucking book thing, like I don't know how much of Blitzøs emotions Stolas understands but this scene was very much meant to be obvious to him. Like Blitz is convinced he is loosing his job and everything he worked for and the guy he likes (even though he wont fully admit the last one) and he is ranting and begging and tearing up. And. And Stolas is just allowing him to do that. He is like walking to get the crystal and after that explain that everything is going to be okay while Blitz is following him literally begging. For what? For the Dramatic effect? For the grand gesture? What? Like again my issue with all of this isn't that Stolas does not care for Blitz but that he considers his feelings so little that Blitz is getting hurt.

3. The "Why are you giving me this, am I not fucking you good enough? because I can always-I can always do better" getting completely ignored. My man says that he wants for this to continue regardless of the book, and Stolas just acts like this was never said and goes on with his monologue. So when Blitz falsly assumes that he is fucking with him and its all a role-playing sex thing (because a.thats what he was prepared for- sex. and b. lets face it the boy has issues) thats all that Stolas hears, and yes it is one of the most hurtfull things Blitz has done to Stolas so far but is he wrong to assume? Like as blind as Stolas is to how Blitz feels that was something that at least has been hinted to him, in s1ep7 "Ozzies" Blitz literally tells him "our relationship is just you wantimg to fuck me" and does Stolas not reflect on why Blitz might feel that way? What he has done to make Blitz feel that way? When Blitz does the role-playing thing Stolas just stops him thanks him and goes to leave.

4. "the fact that you couldn't believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that its always about sex" I'm sorry?? I'm sorry???? Whose fault is that? I am so upset about this, 2/3rds of their adult relationship is him sexualising Blitz and he gets upset that Blitz internalises it? Like just no self reflection about what he has done wrong in the relationship.

5. Somebody here said that he wasn't victimising himself. He was victimising him self. Like Blitz finally gets a turn to speak after this entire emotional roller coaster of 'lets have sex-am I loosing my job-I have feelings for you- thats cant be real is this about sex?-oh this this wasnt about-more feelings- you dont care about anything but the sex-' and he gets upset, in my opinion rightfully so, considering that what he says is that Stolas cant treat people like this. Stolas has yet to realise how his position of privilege is affecting his relationship with Blitz, but he also didn't realise how he had a privileged position in this entire conversation, I feel like this entire part of the episode where they talked is a representation of Stolas's and Blitzs entire relationship. And after all of this Blitz is upset and he tells Stolas that he used him like his "little butler" (witch he was doing in season 1) and now he is dismissing him without giving him a moment to think about how he feels. He makes it clear to Stolas that this is about class and privilege- and yes he calls him a rich pompous asshole- and he tells him to get to his level-to actually argue with him and not just monologue- and what does Stolas do? say "I think so very highly of you, I didn't realise you think so low of me". This scene, I swear to god. I got ptsd from my almond with this scene. Is he hurt? yes, ofcourse, but once again he completely dismisses Blitzø and all the feelings he just expressed and he says "I love you, you dont love me". That is victimising oneself, if you have been raised by parents that have a tedency to shut down arguments where you tell them they hurt you by saying "oh Im just a terrible parent, I guess you hate me" you see how Stolas reaction is him victimising himself. And then just fully dismissing him and ending the argument because he just wants to even though Blitz still has stuff he needs to say.

[suckishima]

okay so i know i posted a few weeks ago that i did get to see the haikyuu movie when i was in japan last month and ive been so busy i didnt fully have time to process lol so ive been writing down thoughts as i remember them so, spoilers under the cut (no particular order)

final rally pov shot was craaaaazyyy (sidenote i saw challengers today lmao and they did a similar pov shot thing a couple times and it reminded me how sick it was to see such a complicated thing be animated)

in addition to that tho, while i liked the drop of the music then to just have it be kenmas breathing, i felt lie his breathing seemed a little repetitive?? like it was possibly just the same couple voice recordings repeated???

and also tbh.. i kinda didnt love how after the super amazing pov animation the way they chose to animate the full court flashback to tokyo training camp was just like a flat pan around the room. it just didnt feel all that dynamic after seeing something so cool, and maybe it was just my screening but the image was kinda blurry and not that crisp at that part

in general tho i thought the sound design was really cool, so much of it just straight up felt like a live match happening, and the part when kenma tells hinata to stay interesting and the sound cuts out?? ooo v effective i thought

and then the birdcaaaage aaaah i loved the way the wings like got all stifled in the cage when kenma first trapped him and then ofc the bursting out of it oooo im excited to see it again in imax

there were a tonnnn of small moments that i assumed wouldnt make the cut that actually did too, yaku sitting on lev's back when he's doing pushups, the bokuto/kuroo hair swap flashback lmaooo, goshiki having to share his ipad with tendou (i cant remember for sure now if he actually says that or not but theyre definitely in the movie), bokuto and akaashi coming over and talking to yachi and ah i think theres more. a lot of them were shortened down a bit, but i appreciated them getting attention nonetheless. sadly no kuroo/lev poop conversation though lmaoo

i thought the kuroo/kenma flashbacks were pretty good as well, i think they possibly added a few lines?? it seemed like there were more frames of stuff of kuroo being inspired by the "lowering the net" concept which was really cool bc thats really integral to his character to me. and then theres this line where kenma is like "hinata has kageyama and i have kuroo" and uhhhh that is news to me!! im like 90% thats new content lmao, and oooo it was good, the shots they chose with it too gooood

oh for some reason they changed how kenma flops??? he falls with his butt up in the air instead of just flat??? like why lmao, obviously that was like an Actual Choice they made bc they had to draw it and obviously had the manga as reference and it makes no difference other than to confuse me lolll

im interested to see it again distributed by crunchyroll too bc im sure some of the subs i saw werent right, a few lines just didnt make sense and there were a few instances of like "lead blocking"

and okay. i gotta talk about the chapter 298 stuff

its there its in the movie!! but,, it's watered down lmao

and i think i was also too in my head and overanalyzing it which im disappointed in myself for so im hoping on rewatch ill have a better time

the "hes always been one step ahead of me after all" was like as perfect as it could get tbh, it looks just like the manga and tsukki like says it just right and yamaguchi comes onto the court behind him totally focused and aaah really loved it. then the service ace and tsukkis little laugh it really good

but then i'm torn on the actual serve and block, there's no inner thoughts on yamaguchis "oh no the ball isnt drifting enough" and then tsukkis silent reply "no that was plenty" before stuffing it, so we arent hearing their like mind reading/intuition connection there which was a bummer. and thennnn im not positive on this bit but i dont think anyone repeats anything about the serve and block being the perfect play?? (its yamaguchi echoing ukai in the manga) and then no little flashbacks to how theyve been training

HOWEVER the big main flashbacks of seeing how yamaguchi walks from behind tsukki to in front of him are there!!! and the way theyre presented is interesting? i was like taken aback by the decision to have the clips being showed within their silhouettes as they move toward each other (i couldnt even tell thats what it was at first tbh..) that i missed whether or not all the panels were in it..... (majorly disappointed in myself for that one). idk visually i found it a little confusing i guess and so i couldnt fully appreciate and im hoping itll look cool on rewatch when i understand whats happening

and then the high five ahhh it was pretty good, idk if anything will ever live up to that manga panel for me, the joy and success and sense of achievement in that image means so much to me lol, but its animated fairly well. do wish they didnt cover tsukkis smile tho

then kuroo asks how tsukki feels about volleyball and he says its fun and he smiles and its.. fine. like ugh its just one of those things were this entiiiire section just slightly suffered from being a two minute segment of a movie instead of a whole episode (or even just half an episode tbh), like something about his smile and saying it was fun just fell a little flat for me and i was unfortunately a little sad about it, i was hoping for a little more buildup and like emphasis. this is a huuuuge culminating moment for him and it didnt quite feel like it to me bc the movie had to have other priorities where a season wouldnt have

later one when tsukki and kuroo are like battling at the net exhausted tho and tsukki smiles again that was pretty good, the animated is really top notch when theyre all panting n stuff, and the voice acting there was great, really liked it

[about27th]

job hunt tipssssss (and lessons learnt..)

tailor your resume to each position you apply

(1) always make your employers' job easier

include only the relevant experience and keep the descriptions straightforward.. recruiters are basically just ticking boxes, make it easy for them to do so or expect them to bin your CV after a quick glance

(2) have too many part-time/work gaps?

i highly recommend using a skill-based CV than a chronological CV for this case; not only is it waaaaaaaaaay easier to prepare but also makes your experience look more put-together since you can mix & match your relevant skills.. give it a shot if you've inconsistent work history or want to have a career change; i should mention it's also a game changer for people whom English isn't the first language

(3) review your cover letter before heading to an interview

i mean you've already explained why you're a great fit for the job in the application, just take advantage of that effort and reiterate everything during the interview --- preparation done!

dont use the same answer for interviews

.. it'll definitely make you come across as average

there are 3 key and frequently asked questions you should be ready for:

(1) tell me about yourself

start with a basic introduction, followed by your previous work experience (again, making them relevant to the job) and wrap up with a glimpse of your personality -- for instance, say something like.. I see myself as an ambitious and self-motivated person (.. and how these qualities fit the job profile!)

(2) what do you know about us/ why do you want to work for us

always research the company; mention its values or services, and how they resonate with you

(3) what can you offer us/ why do you think you suit this job

highlight how your experience aligns with the job requirements; this demonstrates your dedication and preparation.. and also shows the employer what they can expect from you

i hate interviews (who doesnt?).. i believe many of us are very qualified for jobs we're interested in but often struggle to demonstrate our competence effectively; my way to make the process less agitating is to view it as a cool opportunity for employers to learn about us: it's not an exam.. rather, it's a level playing field where two or more strangers come together to mutually explore each other.

This is your chance (after putting so much effort into preparing the application) to shine and let them know you're the perfect fit for the job they're offering!

never trust the reaction of the interviewer!

some interviewers acted super affirmative to each of my responses, making me feel like i was nailing the interview.. but then i ended up getting no job; i understand the intention is to encourage interviewees during the process, but pls dont take them too seriously and get carried away

stay focused and humble instead

always reflect after each experience (exactly what i'm doing now)

it's important to reflect on your performance and seek improvement for future applications

i always discover areas that could be done better while preparing for new job applications, even though i felt that i'd already given my best for the last one

the competition is fierce but dont worry about competing with others (what you cant control); instead, concentrate on what you can control --- demonstrating how you're the best candidate!

always put yourself in your employer's shoes and do the homework; focus on the good and keep trying, one day all your hard work will pay off and get the job you deserve

.

(i regret so much that i didnt perform better during my interview🥲i dont want the same to happen to you, pls take my tips and prepare as much as you cn💔)

[dopenightmaretyphoon]

Let Me Help

Author's Note: this is short, I might write a psrt 2. I'm not sure though

Trigger warnings: none?

Ellie sat at her desk, looking around waiting for you. You had promised that morning that you wouldn't be late, Barbara watches Ellie with a heavy heart and makes a note to tell you to step up. Barb walked over to the younger girl and sat next to her

"Would you like a book or drawing?"

The younger girl shrugged her shoulders and tried not to cry

"Y/N promised she would be here, maybe she forgot"

Barbara felt her heart break, she had been in this positions loads of times but normally its because carers get stuck in traffic and are a few minutes late, not nealry half an hour like you are

"I doubt she has forgotten sweetheart, maybe traffic is really bad"

Ellie once again shrugged her shoulders. Ten minutes later, which made you now 40 minutes late, you knocked on Barbara’s classroom door. You hoped Ellie was distracted by something and that Mrs Howard had forgotten the times you were late before. Unfortunately for you only one of those was correct, Barbara open the classroom door and quickly closed it behind her after stepping out. You tried to speak but the older women shook her head which quickly quietened you down.

"This is the third time this semester Y/N, I understand you're still getting used to this but you cant keep forgetting your sister"

Shock filled your face, Barbara’s words hit hard the stern voice that your mom always used to use filling your ears

"For your information Mrs Howard, I do not forget Ellie I get stuck at work. Unfortunately for me and Ellie to stay where we are I have no choice but do the over time. As I have said before I try not to be late and I also try to notify either you or the head office if I'm going to be late, it seems the message I left with Ava didn't make it to you"

You stood your ground, you never did and if Barbara was honest she was impressed with you. Just as she was about to speak Ava walked down the hall

"Barb! Ellie's sister-"

Ava stopped her words at the sight of you

"Nevermind seems you have found her, I'm out of here bye!"

Barbara tried to stop herself from rolling her eyes at the principal, she turned back to you

"My apologies for assuming but this has happened a lot and I'm worried it's effecting Ellie's work"

Sighing you leant against the wall, the tiredness from the last few months catching up with you

"I understand, I will try and be better"

The older women nodded and did a poor job at hiding her concern for you, you cut her off

"Please don't have pity on me, I know I'm young but I should still show up and not be late"

Barbara smiled at you and opened the classroom door. Ypu walked inside and saw something that broke your heart, Ellie was fast alseep cuddling the jacket you had given her that morning. Barb sat at her desk

"I have noticed that Ellie sleeps a lot more than children her age, do you know why?"

You sat on a small desk infront of her desk and nod

"I've been doing night shifts lately which means Ellie either has to come with me or stay at a friend's house, either way she doesn't get much sleep"

The teacher nodded and looked through her desk for a leaflet, she pulled it out and passed it to you

"This group helps single parents, no matter how thwy become parents"

You sighed and looked over it

"I promise mom I would look after Ellie and yet all I'm doing is failing"

Barbara stood up and walked to you, standing rather close

"You, my sweetheart have not failed at all. You work all hours of the day to give Ellie a good life and you're doing amazingly, now I want you to look into the group and text me when your next night shift is and Ellie can stay with me"

You looked at her confused and thought about it

"But your husb-"

She gave you a stern look which quickly cut you off

"My EX- husband, has no say in who I let stay at my house"

You nodded and pulled out some paper, Barbara took the hint and wrote down her number

"Thank you Ms Howard, for helping"

"No need to thank me baby girl, now ill see you tomorrow okay?"

Smiling you picked Ellie up and walked back to the car

[byyliss]

Yesterday i saw the new MLB special, bc everyone was praising it, and man, its actually good. Not the awesome sauce ppl are saying, but good. Here are my opinions on it:

The positives

They actually made a good design for Gabe which holy shit fucking finally. Seriously why did it took this long for them to make a good outfit for this man, dude is a fashion designer, he has more sense of asthetic than most.

I finally liked Marinette (evil version), the special made her have more depth than the 5 seasons of the show. Although i dont get why the always put the same accent(?) When making a villain girl. Just wish they kept her evil outfit to the end.

Adrien finally has some emotion towards his parents. Like, Adrien is a good character idea, but him being written as just a "nice boy" is annoying, we dont really see the effect of his mom's death and father's abuse that much. Im glad they showed not only that but why Adrien acts that way in the show (even if the show portrays it like trash)

The negatives

Why the poorly portrayed emo looks? Like i get it, our protags have to be more evil looking, but c'mon...Adrien looks so goofy. They could have portrayed evilness and trauma some other way, one that didnt look so stupid. Like, emo doesnt mean evil...

The alternative reality looks better and more developed than the original, maybe bc thomas and co didnt have more episodes to fuck it up. But they stablished SO much more interesting lore in smth that was barely shown and just spoke about in one special than they did in a 6 season cartoon. It just shows how trash the pacing and writing of the show is.

Why couldnt they be bothered to develop their characters in the show? Like, the development in the special was so good, so they CAN in fact write smth decent, but how come they cant do that in the main show??

They still gave more attention to mari then Adrien, even in the evil version she got more moments

Overall, if they ever turn it into a series, please for the love of god dont let Thomas and his posse in the writing room, in fact, don't let them near the studio. Someone needs to make him give up his creative rights for the show bc I know many fans far younger than him can do this so much better

[a-v-j]

"Okay, so let us continue. While Extinction at a young age might be lacking empathy, he might not found Killer's situation weird. But what about when he grows up, since when he grows up Extinction gains empathy or understands it at least, he might question it or understand the other meaning of it."

"Since I thought about it more, I am asking this again just to be sure. But how would extinction grow up as personality? We know he is pretty impressionable, as mention in the prior asks. But since Recall is Recall, which is a more introverted individual with his own problems, and Killer is mostly spending his time in phase 1, because for him phase 2/3 is a liability, meaning he will act mostly as classic sans, but with more depression, self-hatred, emotionally tired, suicidal tendencies [He might not act on it, but considering that after he took Chara's control, he wanted to give Papyrus a happy ending before erasing himself, guy is not healthy mentally], volatile emotions/bipolarity and other options, I don't think Extinction will grow up as gremlin, but he won't be like his canon adult self either."

"Like, I think he will inherit some problems/bad habits of those two in some way or form, maybe paranoia, pessimism or more. Though, this begs the questions, what hobbies or positive aspects will he inherit from them, the love for puns, knitting, or some other things?"

"Also, if extinction is impressionable, wouldn't he take values and opinions from them two, since he is a child right now, and children's views are surely based on their own, but they can be influenced from closed people such as family, and since Extinction cares about the two of them, there wouldn't be a grudge to stop him from taking their views into consideration."

"Since it was mentioned the possibility of Recall remembering who he was in the past due to Killer, it could be due to multiple reasons. Maybe Killer is speaking with Extinction about Papyrus, considering Extinction knows about Killer's story, and in true sans fashion, Killer would tell Extinction what a cool guy he is, for his morality, attitude and creativity. Now, since we know canon Error, not Recall, doesn't like hearing about Papyrus, I think this would have a even bigger effect on Recall, hearing those two always talk about Papyrus, or some other version of it. Maybe the guilt in Killer's tone when he is speaking about Papyrus sometimes, flasing some memories about Geno's despair in seeing Papyrus die over and over again. It could be some ideas, it is your story, so I am interested in your idea."

"And finally, for Killer's errorification, wouldn't phase 1 mean that he is mostly calm per say, maybe overprotective to the point of being even more suicidal, if we take the consideration that his last thought was of him being killed in order to protect them from the danger. Would he retain his soul phases, or would he be stuck in phase 1 permanently? And would he remembed who he was if Extinction tells him his story, since Killer told most of it to Extinction."

"What do you think? Also, you don't need to rush in answering, there is time."

lmao this hypthetical scenario went from wholesome to border angst, such potential.

but sad to say, after going thru over the whole idea, i appear to not have much ideas what will come out of this exactly. to an extent, ive realised that i didnt thoroughly fleshed out extinction's story how he coped throughout since his family is dysfunctional. he canonly appeared calm, reserved and indifferent as a young adult, gotta figure out how he resulted to be that lmao but yknow my head is invested with something else that i wont be making much effort thinking it thru, maybe someday. as of the moment i cant think up how he'll be in this hypothetical scenario since i got not much canon data to cross reference for a very likely outcome and also me and bri are lazy

as for killer's errorfication, well i dont understand much of his phases, so im not exactly sure if it will still take effect, let's say nightmare gets a hold of him again as an error. probably it will, probably it wont, idk

and killer's with recall and ex throughout the process so dont think he'll forget 'em. idk what's the extent of the errorfication when it comes to erasing memories but he got company there with him so i supposed he'd lose some but not all.

[ceasarslegion]

What is the gift card story?

Oh boy.

So when this happened, I worked at a Kiehl's. To those who don't know, it's a luxury skincare company that charges 80 bucks for a tub of moisturizer. Not even the specialty kind, either. It's honestly stupid overpriced for what it is except for a very small list of products and discount sets and I do not recommend it now that I'm no longer working there and can give my honest opinion of it.

The company also tries to feel special to embarrassing extents. They made us do this service where we'd basically sit you down and stick this machine to your cheek that was basically a flaw finder and we'd spend half an hour telling you everything wrong with you in an attempt to get you to drop 300 dollars on a 6 step routine. In all honesty, just wash your face, moisturize, and use sunscreen if youre going out in the sun. You don't need a 145 dollar anti aging serum, you cant permanently reverse aging, that's not how the science works, and aging isn't a curse or a sign of lesser worth anyway. It's a blessing not afforded to most. The stuff they claim they're "reversing" are usually just skin dehydration side effects. You get the same results from a run of the mill moisturizer. If your acne's persistent and uncomfortable then retinol serums do actually work for that, but don't fuck your self esteem by convincing yourself you need retinol to keep wrinkles from forming. It's not worth it, you'll end up with an empty wallet and depression and none of the lasting results you were promised the second you stop using it.

Anyway, we got quite an entitled customer base because of the combination of unaffordable price gouging and these frilly free services that made them feel special for 30 minutes of their disconnected bourgeois lives. The kind of people who think that theyre better than the employees because they got lucky enough to have a rich husband or nepotism'ed their way into high paying positions and convinced themselves that they're self-made. A lot of them im convinced only spent that much money because they could.

So one day this lady comes in and buys a hand cream. Shes a little rude and off-putting but whatever, she's not yelling at me over prices i cant control so pick your battles, right? I ring it through, ask how's she's paying, she says visa. I hand her the machine. She goes through the whole thing. It gets approved, I give her her reciept and say "have a nice day~!" to which she growls "why didn't you take my gift card?!"

This caught me off-guard, and I kinda blinked vacantly at her and went "I... w-what?"

She takes out a gift card from her wallet, which at no point she showed me or made me aware she had, and said "why didn't you take my gift card?!"

With all the self-control I can muster, I say "I... was not made aware that you had one, ma'am."

Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say. She started staring at me like she wanted me dead. Started going off about how the customer is always right and demanding a full refund while still keeping the hand cream. I told her that this is very much not a scenario where that would be appropriate.

Adult temper tantrum ensues. She calls me stupid and says that I clearly don't know anything. My eye is starting to twitch, and my manager on duty catches this interaction and gracefully saves me from cussing out a bitch by taking over and running a return, followed by a second transaction with the gift card as payment.

You wanna know how much was on it?

Two dollars.

Two fucking dollars. She pulled that shit and called me stupid and started throwing a temper tantrum over TWO. DOLLARS. In a store that charges FORTY for that bottle of hand cream. If you're dropping forty fucking dollars on hand cream in the middle of an inflation crisis worse than that America is going through, you can afford to swallow a toonie. If you're shopping there in 2023, you're not struggling enough that two dollars is a legitimate concern, you know very well what you're doing here, and I'm not gonna fucking have that as someone who was struggling to get by on 16 an hour.

So I got her banned from the store. Fuck off and die, toonie gift card lady.

[littledigits]

DIRECTOR RAMBLE TWO

my first bit of advice to directing was to ,yknow, decide what kind of a director you want to be. my second piece of advice is this .

ALWAYS GIVE YOUR TEAM THE BENIFIT OF THE DOUBT THEY GIVE A SHIT/CARE/ARE TRYING THEIR BEST/WHAT HAVE YOU  

if not give a shit about the creative, at least giving a shit enough to come and earn a paycheck which is something that is fine for people to do. Not everyone has room to put their heart and soul into a project - even if you do , and thtas something you have to make your peace with because if you dont and you look into peoples intent. hooboy thats is a slippery slope to making all the worst choices.

directors that start to think their team is lazy and dont care will make it a self fulfilling prophecy because nothing is going to make a team lose trust in you as quick as feeling like nothing they do matters. In animation , caring too MUCH is the default of most people - so this sort of rhetoric will either get them to push so hard they burn out because they think they must be lazy, or stop caring altogether. I mean the same can be said for any leadership or mentorship position. now that doesn't mean you cant be honest if you think someone isint working in a way thats effective or if they seem to be struggling, or if maybe they arnt hitting expectations ,and it doesn't mean you cant challenge your team either. But it really does come down to where you solve your problems and make your choices.

I assume that my team gives a shit . Always. that way when problems come up i know the solution is something other then ' well people need to try harder '. Which is something that is kind of redonkly common in the industry (and in schools) just in general. Artists are not always great teachers, and sometimes something that is easy for one may not be for several others and its not as obvious as you'd think. because I never assume the problem is someone not caring , I have a much faster time finding the actual issues - because heres the thing.   i've never encountered a problem on a pipeline that existed because people didnt care enough. zero. nope. and i dont believe they exist. and if your team truly doesn't care - then they must have a good reason for it. you're the leader so its your job to figure it out and fix it.

[candiliam328]

✨ Bean's Top Five Song Discoveries of 2023 ✨

yes i realize it is already well into january 2024 but here, enjoy the songs i found this year that define my 2023. if you're new here, hi i used to make obsessive music posts but now dont have time to make full ones so take this instead: your very own unique insight to my 2023!

this post is dedicated to @disco-tea for somehow being invested in all my music adventures and obsessions, bestie ily 🥺💕

STOP (Lollapalooza Version) by j-hope (Eng. translation // Performance w/ Eng. sub)

im totally cheating already by choosing this when i first listened to jitb in 2022. but honestly? i dont care. i saw hobipalooza for the first time in 2023 and this version was only officially released then so here it is now!

to be frank, watching the performance was a completely different experience to me compared to listening to the studio release. while the original recording sounded conversational, it felt like something was exploding out of him during this performance. he needed to get things off his chest and yet still barely stops himself in his tracks from spiralling. and the juxtaposition !! placing it right after Equal Sign, where he is preaching kindness and understanding and unity and even goes so far to say "it costs you nothing to be kind" ?? and then the sudden immediate whiplash into STOP where he is actively holding himself back because its not true! being kind is hard!!! but he wants to be understanding and practice what he preaches but even he fails and gets "contaminated by the viruses" sometimes. its hard, its real, its raw. and ugh !! this song !!!

Bonus: the moment I always start to lose my mind

its the way the alternate title to this song is "there are no bad people in the world," a belief he holds deep to his core. and yet only a few breaths later, he confesses that the reality of the world makes him question if people are even human anymore. 😩 like wtf-

but also. its so true. and relatable. sometimes i cant even look at the news anymore bc its so hard to be a hopeful and positive and good person when you are bombarded with only hate and tragedy. i have never seen that feeling captured so perfectly in a song. jung hoseok you king.

tldr i think about this song, its performance juxtaposition, and what it means way too often. eternally sad that the youtube video with eng subs playing those songs back to back got taken down, i rewatched it so much it haunts me. may we never ever forget hobipalooza bc jung hoseok made Choices !!

-

Don't Wanna Cry by Seventeen (Eng. translation // Performance w/ Eng. sub in captions)

the real ones remember how j-hope took over my life that second half of 2022 and how much i fought tooth and nail the entire way... so yeah lol seventeen took over the second half of 2023 and this is the song that got me out of that denial.

the thing is. i had kept hearing about this song and this choreography and how iconic it was, which is why i avoided it for so long. but as we all know, no matter how much i joke, i am and always will be a dancer. dancing will always be in my blood. so it is very on brand that a good dancer has been what gets me into kpop groups 100% of the time (2 out of 2 groups stanned bc i fell for the main dancer 🫣). and as a choreographer, good choreo will always have an unreasonable chokehold on me. and yet, Don't Wanna Cry has the audacity to exist ?? featuring performance unit leader hoshi with his most masterful choreography for this heartbreaking song ?? come onnn, i had no chance.

i cant say anything about this choreo that hasnt been said before but like seriously, watch this practice video and tell me this choreo isnt one of the most in-sync yet emotionally effective pieces of art you've ever seen. You don't even need the translations to understand the emotions behind it. But when I first saw the lyrics with the choreography, I swear I got chills. Ironically, once DK sang out this line:

my eyes got blurry. because thats the whole point of the song isn't it? thats the whole reason why they dont want to cry. because they realize their time together is limited, their heart is breaking but each second in their presence is so beautiful and precious, how dare tears get in the way of fully appreciating this time together. its beautiful and heartbreaking and then the timing of falling to their knees right after for a chorus just adds into the hopelessness.

And I know everyone talks about the bridge but like- the bridge.

Lying to yourself that everything is OK only to fall on your knees again begging "come back, come back, come back". The rawness in this choreo. The almost uncontrollable chest pops in this vulnerable, open position because these words are coming from their heart.

Also Hoshi still to this day calls this one of his favorite svt choreos. He doesn't brag much about his choreo nowadays but the interviews I could find of him proudly relaying the story behind the iconic "streetlight" choreo just 🥺🥺 me too buddy. choreo can be beautiful sometimes and he did so good with this one. 🥺🥺🥺 choreographer hoshi, king of my heart, thank you for making me fall in love with this song 🥺🙌

-

I'm Just Another Person Oh God by Daisy the Great (lyrics)

Ah, yes. the Daisy the Great phase. I could have picked the whole All You Need is Time album honestly bc the storyline it has in my head is so fucked up I can't handle it. But in the end, it was a toss up between including this one or Aluminum in this list bc those were the ones I had on loop. for. reasons. 🫣

Gosh, what to say about this song. other than admitting, wow was I going through something for this one. Haven't we all felt this way sometimes though? Wanting something so bad and it not working out and then stepping back like. "wait am i being greedy and selfish with this?" and the answer is no! like actually im just being entirely super normal with this. just like everyone else! only i am also filled with some bonus woe! like ?!??!?! wasnt that the biggest 2023 mood? idk it was for me lmao.

There is something to be said with this album though, that is particularly apparent in this song. It's that kind of cynical wistfulness of wanting something you had in the past. Passion? Naivete? Whatever it is. It's gone now bc of life, the passage of time, and you're being like so super brave and normal about it (clenched fist, arthur meme style). Everything is painted with a bit of regret and "why am i always like this", all wrapped up in a funky floaty song that is almost uncomfortably easy to listen and vibe to bc of how concerning those lyrics can be when you really listen. but hey ✌️ it really do be like that sometimes i guess. shoutout to them for the insane 20yearold something vibes bc daisy the great? they get it ahaha.

-

Snow on Tha Bluff by J. Cole (lyrics)

Lol surprise.

if you ever want to know how i find music, a lot of my favorite songs are usually found by chance. a random deep dive fueled by curiosity or hyperfixation and every so often, my spotify will give me a gem. this particular discovery was bc for a variety of reasons, i decided to listen to a playlist of j.cole's music and was bopping along appropriately until this one came up and. i had to replay it multiple times.

its very understated. and raw. stream-of-consciousness.

i dont even know but i listened to this one a lot. even as i write this now, its been months since i listened to it but when i was making this list, i knew i had to include this one bc of how much ive thought about it.

there's something about understated vulnerability that always gets me in. nothing about this is showy nor does it really seem to have a point other than him needing to get this off his chest. yet there's such a poignant art to it. the instance he speaks about is v specific but the sentiment is still relatable and somehow resonated with me a lot.

idk i just think this song is so beautiful in its simplicity, which is something i think i should try to emulate more considering i said a whole lot of nothing in this section so i think ill stop this one here.

-

I Don't Understand But I Luv U by Seventeen (Eng. Lyrics)

if i had to pick a song that defined my december, it would be this one. hands down, no contest. i think i listened to this nonstop the last two weeks of the year. and:

... yeah.

im realizing as i write this post that i spent a lot of this past year just thinking about music and life. seventeen's songs actually tend to be a bit of a slow burn on me so i had known and even heard this song a few times earlier this year but really it only hit me last month. yet despite listening to it nonstop, i cannot recite to you the actual english translation of the song. bc ultimately the translation doesnt matter. what i love about this song is already there in the title.

"I don't understand but I love you"

after all, isnt that love in its truest essense? love is accepting you may never truly understand everything about a person but choosing to love them anyway. love transcends all language and all understanding. its a choice and an action and this is the song that always reminds me of that when love gets hard.

idk what this all says about my 2023 but love is hard. family is hard. but in a way, i think that's what makes it all so beautiful. just as beautiful as this song. i can and will (and have!) listened to this song on repeat bc the ✨vibes✨ i think it might even have been the first song i listened to in 2024. that guitar riff is so sick and sensual. the ad libs are so cute - the little zoom! at 0:46 and smoke smoke! at 2:02, i sing along to it every time 🫣.

also hearing the girlies lose their minds when watching this performance on the big screen during their simulcast concert was so funny but endearing. i'd never but those girls sure love thirst traps skakakka

the story behind this song too just 🥺 hoshi getting absolutely blown by a fan's comment "i dont understand but i love you," repeating it, saying they could use it as part of their lyrics and then a few months later, this song comes out. you can literally see his eyes light up im just 🥺 so endeared. and the way its a Performance Unit song, a unit that is made of 50% foreign members, and that several pre-debut clips show members struggling with language barriers. idk this song is all so soft, it means so much to me and clearly means so much to them. and there we go, its all in the title for me ✨

-

✨ if you made it all the way here, wow and thanks! here's to even more good music in 2024 ✨

[mischiefmaker615]

Tears of a Mermaid (Loki Love Story) Ch.9

Mara seemed to pace- as far as swimming back and forth goes as she glanced up at the light that sparkled on the surface of the water above her. after what had just happened with her last encounter with Loki..she wasn't sure if she had freaked him out or not or his look had just been mixed with concern.. but she was afraid of reaching the surface ever since.

'no..he's your friend..he was helping you- ..whats happening to me?' she thought as she flicked her tail to get closer to the surface. she had never been on land before..and that day had absolutely been the most amazing day of her life! why couldn't it last? why couldn't she be like them? she looked down at her tail, wishing they were legs instead..so she could go back..be with him..be with him..

'perhaps it was nature just keeping things normal..it probably couldn't have lasted forever' she sighed, biting her lip as a small debate came on whether she should try going up on land or not.. it was almost evening- the time where she would meet him as usual..but she hadn't moved from the lily cave since the day she had returned to the water. 'if we cant be together..would we remain meeting this way? always remaining a secret?' if so..she'd be fine..but wouldn't that exhaust him? sneaking off all the time just for her when she couldn't even do the same without another fiasco happening again with her lower body half? her hand reached up in longing, her fingers just kissing the top of the water..

a hand reached out and snatched her wrist, yanking her up as she yelped and came above the surface, coming eye to eye with Loki!

''Loki!??'' she gasped startled as he released her hand and he panted as he slumped to a sitting position on the shores ledge. 

''i thought i might fine you here..''

''you came early- are you alright?'' she asked, rubbing her wrist a little and pushed away the thought of why he had been so rough with her..perhaps he was in a hurry for something?

''i am well, i just needed to find you.. there is just..so much truth to tell you..'' Loki told her, is eyes not holding the face gaze he always had for her, but more of determination..eagerness..

Mara looked up with him in slight concern as she tilted her head a little, unable to really read him as she tried giving him a gentle voice to perhaps calm his nerves ''what happened?''

Loki hesitated a little, his gaze almost softening by the sound of her voice, an effect she tended to have on him that he loved so much as he held a hand out to her, in which she didn't hesitate to take and their fingers instantly intertwined, almost as if it were natural to do so as their palms gently pressed together. ''Asgard is in danger..and i need your help. Thor is to be given the thrown, naturally, being the eldest son and of true blood..but that opportunity will destroy everything, everything you just saw yesterday and wars will appear on the other realms..i just know it'' Loki explained, almost as if he was absolutely sure that would happen under Thor's rule and his eyes fell down to their hands ''..i've done everything i could but nothing has helped..only you have the last chance to stop it..''

it was a bit to take in for Mara as she listened carefully ad tried not getting distracted by the mere touch of their hands ''..i see..'' she thought out loud, knowing she only knew of Thor's idiocy through Loki's explanations, regardless of him being decent when she had met him on land ''..but what can i do?'' she asked, looking down at herself as if she were powerless, nothing but Loki's hand gently raised her chin so she was looking back at him. 

''you possess more power than you know in this form..you weren't always like this..'' he said carefully as his gaze gentled 

Mara opened her mouth but no words came out. did she hear him correctly? ''i..what?''

Loki glanced down at herself and admired her as if it were the last time ''..a curse had been placed on you..you had been Asgardian before- legs, like those you had seen yesterday, like me..but was transformed into a mermaid for the chance for power..''

Mara stilled, unable to move as if she was trying to figure out if he were joking or not and looked over him, as if she couldn't imagine herself actually once being a land walker and looked back up at him. ''..who did this to me?''

''Amora, the enchantress. she wished for power and transformed you out of random to try to gain it, and the magic also removed your memories, being replaced by basic ones so you may survive in your new state. you apparently had escaped and she didn't get the chance..'' 

still unable to move, Mara looked at him with her body starting to shake, seeing truth in his eyes as she bit her lip. her on land? being like him, Thor, everyone else? she was merely a puppet for that witch's gain and she got the tail end of the problem? her memories..what was life before this? where was Amora now? it must of been centuries ago that she probably hadn't remembered escaping, unless she had been groggy after the transformation that she had swam off and started the new life as if it came naturally?.. gods what was happening- her hand released his as she looked down at herself and covered up, wrapping her arms around herself as if she were something else entirely ''but..even how i am now..i've never had power..''

Loki knew she would eventually get to that, but remained calm as she took it all in, not wishing to overwhelm her as he looked at her carefully ''its because you had never used it before and your kin- Mermaids aren't around to teach you'' he knew he had to treat her like the real Asgardian she was, regardless of this now fake form she possessed but he saw her no different from beautiful. 

Mara looked up at him a little, her eyes careful and her voice low ''..what can i do?''

''its..not quite simple here..i need you to come with me back to the palace..''

Mara raised a brow as he didn't seem to answer her question and watched him as he gently took her hand as if she had said yes ''..but what would i do to help?'' 

Loki looked at her, not really knowing what to say at this point and knew she probably wouldn't consent either way. how could be bring himself to make her cry? tears of joy was almost impossible..and she'd just feel used if he had taken a tear from her after a possibly joyousness moment. tears of sadness..were quite easier but..he couldn't hurt her.. but either way she was going to get hurt either way, and Mara, as her big beautiful eyes stared at him, seemed to know that too. 

her body tensed and Loki's grip slowly became tighter as her body language threatened to move away ''Mara..you need to understand that i'm asking a lot of you, but a single tear will save this planet, and others.''

Mara felt his grip tightened and her other hand rested on the shore's ledge where he sat, ready to push off if needed and her eyes flashed a little ''what kind of power would be given by one's tear? manipulation? control?'' her voice showed a little anger, the first time he had seen her use any other emotion other than the sweet innocent Mara he knew not just a few seconds ago.

''Thor needs to be stopped, you want to help Asgard do you not?''

''of course i do, but bending one to your whim is cruel, unnatural and of force, a king has his subjects work willingly to keep the important element of peace'' she explained, pulling her hand a little to try to get it free but Loki's grip remained.

''sacrifices for the greater good something are necessary, manipulate one to save countless others, isn't that better then the nine realms rising up in war?'' he challenged, his voice remaining of reason and frustration rather than anger.

''i've met Thor Loki, and regardless of the brief moment in doing so, he seemed to have his heart in the right place, especially after he said he had returned from Midgard after his father's lesson, the idiot you told me about was before that''

Loki's eyes flashed, being reminded of how his brother dared speak to her, and now he had turned her against him onto his side! Loki's grip unknowingly tightened at the thought and his eyes lowered ''i will not let my brother rule. its for the good of Asgard, and as you live in this realm, you are still considered a subject. i am prince of Asgard, i will be king, and you will obey'' he snapped, his stature straightened as he had moved to a sitting position on his knees and her body language seemed to sink a little but her expression held her ground. 

''and for the good of Asgard, i will protect it. i give you nothing.'' she snapped, just as stubborn as they looked at each other a moment, their eyes never leaving each other's as they seemed to communicate with their gaze. Loki wished to protect Asgard, but so did Mara, but manipulation via water through one's body was not the path to go; and Loki knew there was no changing her mind. 

'it cant be helped' he sighed, and with one sudden heave, pulled her straight up into the air and onto the land, adding a gasp as she layed down and quickly sat up, him moving in front of her to block any way of her getting back into the water.

''let me go Loki!''

''i don't wish to hurt you Mara, but i need you to understand that this is for the good of Asgard'' he told her and grabbed her arm, pulling up once before scooping her up so she was over his shoulder, her tail swooshing around as she pounded her fists onto his back with a struggle.

''i wont help you Loki! let go!'' she yelled as he walked out carefully out of the cave with her, his hand on the mid of her tail where usually knees would be, and the other hand up to where her waist was, balancing and holding her in place as he made his way towards his horse. her weight wasn't bothersome, being stronger than compared to a Midgardian, but her struggles didn't make it easy. it was best to just ignore her and keep going, knowing he wasn't going to be able to change her mind anytime soon, but for now he had to get her back to the palace before he lost the light of the day he had left. 

getting her on his horse wasn't easy due to her struggles, but he had lifted her up and layed her down on her stomach on the horse, with him sitting properly with a hand on the reins and the other firmly on her back to keep her steady. his horse went slow in a trot, but he took his time on purpose as he kept glancing down at her, a guilty feeling filling his chest but knew he had to do this. after a moment of travel with the wind helping to dry her, he quickly stopped his horse when he heard her cry. carefully pulling her down, he layed on her on the ground and looked over her, concern filling his eyes naturally ''Mara..are you alright?''

''gods i'm..ah!'' she cried as her tail flicked and flopped, her nails digging into her scales as she seemed to get in a position to where she would be hugging her knees. a bright green glow started to appear and Loki quickly removed his cape, adverting his eyes to the blinding light and wrapped the clock around her shoulders so she was covered. her cries stopped once her tail seemed to shorten and disappear, the glow vanishing to reveal now her two human legs with Loki starting a bit more properly to look her over.

''perfect..'' he whispered and she glanced up at him. 

she quickly moved to try to run away, a bit wobbly by her new limbs but Loki had already picked her up and pulled her onto the horse with him sitting behind her with a firm arm around her waist ''Bastard-'' she snapped and her hands instantly clung to his arm as the horse started moving again.

if it were different circumstances, he would have loved the distance they had right now but he couldn't focus on it now..he needed to finish this..for Asgard..

he pulled up to the stables where the stable masters took the reins for him and panic filled Mara's eyes as he carefully pulled her off onto the ground ''help me-''

Loki's hand instantly took her wrist and pulled her along with him as he waved them off ''found her in the woods, i'll be getting her help. no one shall enter my chambers'' he said firmly and they all bowed to obey.

Loki made his pace careful, knowing she would stumble a bit and his other arm was always ready to catch her if she did fall, and despite her fussing, he would give the excuse to the passing maids that she was a stow away, or a wanderer with derangement and he was merely returning her to where she belonged, watching as they continued on their way wit obedience of no questioning. now finally reaching his room, he told the last passing maid that no one shall enter without permission before closing the door, releasing Mara's arm where she instantly shied off a little by taking a few steps back. 

''a good king wouldn't treat his subjects this way'' she snapped, almost sounding childish it being her first time being angry.

''a good subject would obey their king'' he told her, taking a step forward with each step she took back.

''your not a king.''

''not yet'' he corrected and looked beyond her, her eyes slowly following where his gaze was to see a semi large tank full of water around the corner of his bedchambers. her eyes widened as she looked back at his with disbelief.

''get in.''

[littleeyesofpallas]

Not that anyone asked, but Ive definitely gotten the unsolicited "egg" comments from people before. Normally it doesn't bug me because it's from rando's I know don't know better. I did have one ex who very inoffensively but truly genuinely asked me, in the middle of sex, "are you sure you're not trans?" Which, like.... I dunno just kind of stuck with me in a weird way? But normally I get it, I went through a whole phase of rapid oscillating extremes to try and figure my shit out, and as a result I used to identify as gender fluid, and sometimes joke that I'm ""gender fluid non practicing"" so i totally get that I can give off a lot of false positives to other trans people, and transwomen specifically.

but then there's this thing that happens as like an offshoot of all this, where I do have a clearly disproportionately chronic issue of falling hard for lesbians(i mean, among various other demographics of people who are just categorically not interested in me). And yeah that sucks. It's weird and awkward. But thats not what bugs me. What bugs me is how often people seem to respond to it with something to the effect of, ""have you tried being trans"" and it's just like... That's.... That's not how that fucking works.... And I hate to even bring it up most time because it very quickly pushes me towards this weird line where I'm at risk of finding myself on the side of gross ass transphobes, just rhetorically, but like... That CANT be the rationale some transwomen have for identifying as women, right????? Iike i know it's just one little thing in what must surely be laundry list of things but like... The consistency of it as an idea in the forefront of some people's minds, enough so that it comes up as often as it does, makes me extremely uncomfortable. And again I feel like even entertaining the thought puts me on the wrong side of a fence, thus being reluctant to talk about it openly, but like... It's gross, right? I'm not looking to change myself for the sheer sake of being attractive to someone else. Ive been there. I did that. As a boy trying to be "manly" enough for straight girls, as an amab trying to be girly enough as a twink performing for gay men, and as a trans girl performing for straight men, and yeah briefly even as a lesbian. And my relationship with other people did not define who or what I was. And while that feels obvious now, I can sort of forgive myself the exasperated process of experimentation because I was a dumb kid. But the insinuation that I would change how I identify or present for the sake of.... Again there's not avoiding walking into language I hate to use like this, but honestly what about a to deceiving a partner into thinking it fit their categorical preferences really seriously turns my stomach. And I'll be honest, as an admittedly low effort presentation person that identifies as agender, I get that I basically don't even exist on most people's radar of what is or isn't ""dateable"" and sure that really sucks; I'm functionally invisible to a huge number of people in the ways they navigate the dating scene. But even so this fucking weird, gross, persistent question I get from other trans people about how I should totally just change the way I identify to help get laid fucking drives me up a fucking wall.

I dunno where I was going with this. Ive always been afraid to vent about this because it feels like it's ripe for transphobic shitbags to take the wrong way. But I dunno I'm at this bar and feeling ranty and I care just little enough to have jammed this draft out in spite of myself

[skips-is-asleep]

Pervailing Relationship Issues in Solkat

To clarify, what i mean by pervailing issues is what issues do i think sollux and karkat would consistly struggle with as a long term couple in adulthood, roadblocks they run into over and over. Really, it's more the rules I keep in mind when writing solkat

Im getting back to the roots of this account; jabbering about headcanons and my partner and my roommate have already heard me talk about this and im not done

The pink text is a very long tanget I went on to try and rationalize a point to make it easier to skip, and the purple text is clarifying a part of my tanget for people who are sticklers for details

BTW this is basically me analyzing my own fics about solkat (still based on canon) you can see the way i attempt to execute this through my longest running fic Space Solkat but also just how i view the pair in a general sense

TL;DR they both suck at communication and at different levels of emotional maturity

And im not gonna be mentioning self esteem issue bc first of all thats par for the course and also not really interesting for me to talk about tbh, i really wanted to talk about shit that i find meatier and more specific to them as people.

Ive been toying pretty regularly with the idea that i think Sollux doesn't view his own emotions as actual emotions, i think any time he feels a certain way, he views it as cold hard fact. Whereas when Karkat feels something, its almost always irrational and never rooted in reality.

Normally, this is fine, but Sollux also tends to view things in the short term, and just go with whatever happens, positive or negative (i interpret this from the way he just sort of Goes With Aradia asking him to recover/play the game and then goes along with playing even though he didn't really want to and even if he's contributing as little as possible. ((Although yeah there's no way he'd have known the game ended the world and that's also why he did what aradia told him to, he had no reason not to trust her word)) but he frequently makes decisions on the fly based off nothing and will just stick by them; see not talking to humans because he *thinks* they're stupid and pointless, and he's wrong in the grand scheme, the humans have massive impacts on their lives and the game, and after he's blind and meets John, he still doesn't want anything to do with them. He also chooses to leave the meteor after seeing an alive Aradia without talking or mulling the decision over at all. He just decides to leave and doesn't take into consideration how this would effect his relationship with Karkat, Terezi or Kanaya, even though Karkat begs him to stay. I think to someone else, having one of your closest friends show that kind of emotion at you leaving would make you hesitate on jumping ship, but he seemingly doesnt). Karkat sees things in the long term understanding cause and effect and gravity of situations and decisions, and they often fight about this. Karkat will try and show Sollux things that are actually objective, but because Sollux views Karkat as an unreliable narrator, he rarely listens, even when Karkat is actually right about something.

The thing is though, that Sollux will view Karkat's emotion as irrational, but at the same time does put some stock into them. Often times he "cant deal" with karkat when he's emotional, not because he cant handle emotion in general, but because he knows he'll be swayed by whatever Karkat is feeling and views this as corruption of his "facts." While he typically comes out of most topics with the correct opinion on things (see: not-bigoted) he still has the flaw of comparing emotional with unintelligent.

Sometimes its subliminal though, he'll be influenced by Karkat's emotion without realizing it and this only happens really when they *arent* fighting. Basically, if Karkat is trying to convince Sollux, he won't listen, but if Sollux is just listening to Karkat vent about something into the void, he takes note of that and it will subtly color his opinions about things.

He DOES view Karkat as intelligent though, so i think he'd be really frustrated by how little Karkat composes himself in times of stress, he's upset by Karkat's inability to be measured.

Even still, it's not any secret that sometimes Karkat will let his emotions get the better of him, sometimes his decisions are clouded by passion, but he almost always stands by decision even if he wasnt thinking clearly when he made them. Partially because you have to own up to what you say/do even if there is a situation in which you wouldnt do them, but also i think theres a tiny bit of stubbornness and pride in not wanting to admit to Sollux that he was right, he did let lose himself and his rationality.

Overall, I think a majority of the time, Karkat will cave to Sollux's emotions more often then vis versa, but when Karkat is right he's very obnoxious about it. This adds further pressure to Sollux not wanting to admit when the other is right/listen to what he has to say because he's going to lord it over him for the next week and Sollux is also stubborn and prideful albeit much quieter about it then Karkat is.

Their stubbornness and mutual pride also gets in the way of healthy communication though, especially with Sollux. Often times, he's too prideful to admit he needs help, admit he needs support and will drown in stress until he's about to crumble and *then* ask Karkat for help. This can easily be read as a lack of trust, and Karkat will often feel like he's doing everything he can, but the root of the issue is Sollux not communicating effectively about his needs.

Karkat is not innocent in this regard though, if something is bothering him a lot, but he recognizes it as a small thing, his long term thinking gets the better of him. "The tone he used with me when he woke up grouchy is not going to impact our relationship as a whole, I don't need to have a Talk with him about it." But it proceeds to bother him all day, the next day and the next until he's convinced that the relationship is falling apart and they need to sort everything out now.

I think that's everything I might add more but it'll be in reblogs