#like i don’t have the energy or time to deal with this kind of judgement lmfao

[pop-punklouis]

you still paying money to see aotv in theaters is as bad as people paying money to see dwd in theaters 🤢

1) holy fuck go outside

2) i’m really not down for a cycle of judgement given to fans who still choose to want to see this doc in any capacity. no one is going to make me feel like garbage for simply going and see a film in theaters because i want? to?

3) fans can justifiably feel how they want. people don’t have to like certain content in the doc or the environment around it. no one is forcing anyone to spend money and see the doc if they don’t want to. i completely understand if people do not want to go, but if they do want to go, it does not affect you so why does it personally matter to you what others are choosing to spend their money on?

4) i want to see louis talk about music. i want to see him talk about his career. i want to see shots of him with his long hair. i want to see bts of tour and creating fitf. i want to see and feel the live performance edits. so i’m going to do just that. sorry if that’s not good enough for you but it’s good enough for me so lmao

5) quite frankly if someone seeing this documentary causes so much strife between you and others that you’re judging them harshly for doing so, it sounds like you need to do some self-reflection. it’s genuinely no one’s business but mine and i’ll do what i want <3

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

I know its kind of silly to say “don’t feel bad for canceling because of pain, fatigue, etc” because I know guilt is a reflex you can’t easily refrain from. But you can reason with yourself so instead I’ll say this:

Nobody can feel what you’re feeling but you. Nobody knows the severity of what you would be putting yourself through if you were to “tough it out.”

If you do “tough it out,” the purpose for you doing the thing will most likely not be fulfilled anyway. You probably will not be mentally present or engaged. You probably will not have a good time or get much out of it. Etc.

If people really have such a problem with it, thats a huge red flag. Being transparent about your needs and boundaries is a great way to weed people like that out of your life.

If you have any kind of chronic illness or disability, remember that you probably have a very warped judgement of what is “reasonable” to endure in terms of pain, fatigue, burnout, etc.

You didn’t ask for this, you don’t deserve this, there is no reason you should have to bear the weight of it alone. I bet if someone else was in your position, you wouldn’t mind helping accommodate for them?

Low energy days are truly sacred, take them seriously. Please respect your body’s signals. “If you do not choose times to rest, your body will choose for you” or however the saying goes

It is so much pressure to have to deliberate what sacrifices are necessary for proper self care. Give yourself extra credit for having to deal with that stress on top of whatever is putting you in that position in the first place. Thats a lot at once

You are leading by example and showing others that you would never expect them to hurt or overextend themselves for your benefit. Putting yourself first always inspires other to do the same.

Please be proud of yourself for even considering canceling and putting your needs first. That is so strong of you <3

[gretavangroupie]

Imber

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: 21.5k

Warnings: Camping Jake, Cursing, Alcohol, Arguing, Pining, Angst, Severe Weather, Kissing, Graphic Sexual Content, Unprotected Sex, Fluff.

A/N: I had a thought and couldn't let it go. Special thanks to @gretavanmoon and @builtbybrokenbells for always supporting me and listening to my rambling voice memos. Love you both.

You watch as the familiar white Jeep pulls into your driveway, a cloud of dust filling the air as the car shifts into park. It’s only seconds before Clara is bounding out of the passenger door, running up to meet you on your porch.

“Clara…” you say, a suspicious look on your face.

“Josh said he wanted to tag along since he’s home…I couldn’t say no! Don’t be mad!” she whines nervously, knowing good and well this was supposed to be a girls weekend. 

You squint your eyes at her and let out a faux huff of annoyance, “It’s fine,” you say, sending her a playful smile.

“Are you sure?” she asks, bending down to help you grab your camping supplies. 

“Of course, Clara. I was just kidding around. You know I love Josh, and I know you hardly ever get to do stuff like this together. In fact, if you two want to just go, I can stay–”

“No way. You’re absolutely coming! Don’t start!” she shouts, slinging your duffle bag over her shoulder. “Let’s get you loaded up and on the road.”

The two of you spend the next few minutes organizing your things into the trunk, tetrising a few items until the trunk door would shut. You climb into the backseat, taking up residence next to the cooler packed with food for the weekend. 

“Hi Y/N! Thanks for letting me crash your camping trip!” Josh says, turning around in the driver's seat to flash you a smile. 

“Of course! I mean, if I knew that you were going to be home we could have planned like, a whole thing. It’s really no big deal. The more the merrier!” you answer, feeling Clara’s hand reach back to squeeze yours in thanks.

“Just a little break, only three weeks or so then we are back to it. Germany next,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows at you in the rearview mirror. 

You listen to him and Clara talk about the next leg of his tour, seeing the city start to taper off outside the car window. The trees are growing thick and the signs of humanity are next to none. 

“So where exactly are we going on this camping adventure, Clara?” you laugh, never really discussing a location in your earlier planning. 

“We’re going out to Leiper’s Fork, have you ever been there?” Josh answers.

“No, but I’ve heard of it!”

“Yeah, it’s a super cool little spot. Super secluded and gorgeous this time of year. Been out here a few times,” he says, letting his hand move to rest on Clara’s thigh. 

“How did you even find this? I feel like we are in the middle of nowhere!” you laugh, letting your eyes focus on the multicolored trees out the window. 

“Oh this is Jake’s spot. He’s always out here. Likes to come out here to write,” he pauses, turning to look at Clara. You can sense the nervous energy in his voice,  “He’s um, he’s actually going to be joining us.”

“Oh?” 

You feel a rush of panic wash over you. To say that your relationship with Jake was a bit rocky would be an understatement. You weren’t sure if there was ever really one thing that started it, one thing that made him dislike you so much, it just kind of evolved into what it is. You always seemed to find yourself in the same room as him, at the same parties with him, and attending the same shows, thanks to Josh and Clara. Though, neither of you ever bothered to speak to each other, let alone acknowledge the other's existence. It turned into an unspoken feud, filled with harsh whispers and judgemental glances, letting Josh and Clara be the buffer between the two of you. 

The thought of him joining you this weekend had you wishing you never agreed to the trip in the first place, and you know that they waited until you were this far out of town to break the news to you. 

“It will be fine babe, don’t worry. He will keep to himself like usual,” Clara says, sending you a guilty look. 

“Clara…”

“She’s right. He is different when we come out here. He might even be nice, who knows,” Josh laughs. It eases your anxiety just enough and you find yourself agreeing to this set up.

“Alright, it’s fine. I mean, it’s only two days anyway.”

–

The three of you spend most of the afternoon setting up your tents, wrestling the skinny fiberglass poles through the brightly colored fabric in fits of laughter. You took up shop beneath an old Oak tree, hoping it would provide a bit of shelter from the sun and the wind. Clara and Josh set up their tent just across from you, closer to the car and the fire pit. 

You organized your things in your tent, listening as Josh got chairs set up around the fire pit. He and Clara pulled the cooler from the car, tossing you a beer and as the sun started to dip in the sky, you talked about dinner and made plans for tomorrow's adventures. 

It was nearly sunset before you heard the rumble of tires as Jake’s Jeep pulled up to the campsite. You all snap your heads in his direction, seeing him jump out of the drivers side with a smirk on his lips. 

“Glad you could join us,” Josh teases. 

“Can’t rush these things,” he counters, nodding his head to Clara as a hello. His eyes flick over you and you watch as the expression on his face changes. His jaw tightens and his lips flatten into a thin line. A grumble of something leaves his lips in a whisper, and you don’t even have to hear it to know what he said wasn't pleasant. 

You look away quickly, turning your attention back to the vegetables you were cutting up for dinner. He turns back towards his car, gathering his things from the trunk as he continues to gripe incoherently. 

You focus on Josh and Clara, who are working on their own dinners, trying to keep the conversation flowing and ease the obvious tension. 

Jake tosses his things to the ground, preparing to set up his tent next to yours. You don’t dare tell him that it’s yours, and he doesn't dare ask. You continue to fill the tin foil with vegetables and meat, letting them marinate just long enough to get the fire started. 

“Jake, let’s go,” Josh says, motioning him over towards him.

“Go where,” he asks. 

“Need to gather firewood and I’m not making Clara carry it,” he says. Jake nods and gets up, jogging over to meet him. The two of them disappear into the thick woods, leaving you and Clara by yourselves at the campsite.

“This is going just great, wouldn’t you say?” you taunt, elbowing Clara from your camp chair. Her gaze is completely fixed on her phone, her eyes frantically flicking around the screen. 

“Hello? Earth to Clara?” you continue, still unable to break her away from her phone. 

She gets up and walks around, holding her phone to the sky in hopes of strengthening her signal.

“What's up, is everything okay?” you shout, starting to feel a little nervous. 

“Yeah, um, it’s fine. I think? I don’t know. I just got a weird text from my sister, and now I don’t have any service,” she says, biting at her bottom lip. 

“You can use mine if you want, I don’t know if my service is any better though. We are kinda in the middle of nowhere.”

“It’s– It’s fine. I think,” she says, sitting back down in her chair next to you. 

“Anyway, what were you saying? Sorry, I suck,” she says, turning to look at you apologetically.

Just as you go to speak you hear the crunching of leaves and sticks, and see the shadowy figure of the two men returning with an arm full of firewood. 

“Well, nothing now,” you laugh, motioning to Josh and Jake. 

“Oh, okay, later?” she asks, hoping you will fill her in. 

“Yes, later,” you mumble.

Josh and Jake step up, tossing the wood into a pile next to the fire pit. “That should be enough for two days,” Josh says, dusting his hands off on his jeans. 

Jake’s eyes meet yours, only for a second before storming off to his car. You shake it off and try to focus on Josh as he builds the fire in front of you, using an obnoxious amount of lighter fluid in the process. 

“Clara he is going to light us all on–”

Her phone ringing interrupts you, grabbing her attention as she rushes to answer it. She stands up and walks away towards the car, and you watch as her demeanor shifts into panic. Your eyes meet Josh’s, both of you feeling uneasy about whatever is happening on that phone call. She rushes back over to you, her face fear stricken and her hands visibly shaking. 

“Josh, we have to go! We have to go right now!” she shouts, frantically rushing around and grabbing things from inside their tent.

“What? Clara, what's going on?!” he asks, trying to calm her down. 

“Ashton! She’s going into labor! She’s on her way to the hospital right now! She wasn’t due until next week! I don’t know, I don't know! But we have to go right now!” she says, pulling out of his grip and continuing to grab her things and throw them in the car. 

“Oh shit! Okay, yes, yes we can go, um…” he pauses, looking over towards Jake at his tent and you sitting in the chair in front of him, “Fuck, um…Y/N, do you uh, want to come with us, or–”

“Shit, Y/N, I’m so sorry! I had no idea or I wouldn’t have– fuck, you should just… stay, enjoy the campsite and just relax. I’m so sorry I promise I will make this up to you!” Clara cries, her nervous energy transferring to you. 

It’s mere seconds before her and Josh are jumping into his car and pulling out of the campsite, abandoning their tent, their dinner and the rest of their belongings. 

Fuck.

You stand up from your chair, processing what exactly happened as you stare at the roaring fire. 

“Where uh, where did they go?” Jake asks, appearing from his tent as he hears the car peeling out of the campsite. 

You turn to look at him, shocked that he even spoke to you, while also realizing that now it’s just the two of you. Alone.

“They– Clara’s sister is having her baby. Early. They just…left– I–”

“Left?” he asks, “Like for good?”

“I…think so…” you answer, watching as he drags his hand across his face. The hem of his flannel lifts in the process revealing the tiniest peek at his tanned torso, so you quickly divert your eyes before he notices your staring. 

“Of course,” he gripes, kicking at the pile of firewood. He mutters something under his breath and you feel a wave of embarrassment at the thought of him dreading being around you this much. 

He huffs out a breath and turns to you, “Well, do you want to stay here or–”

“I mean, do you want to stay?” you question, shrugging your shoulders noncommittally. 

“I have no issue with staying. I know you were only here for them, so if you want to leave I promise it’s not going to hurt my feelings. I’m used to being out here alone anyway,” he says, his tone a little clipped. “Prefer it.”

“Are you going to be mad if I do want to stay?” you say, crossing your arms over your chest. You let your eyes meet his for a few seconds, both of you looking at each other as he thinks of his answer.

Again he rubs his hand over his face, shaking his head, “No, no I won’t be fucking mad– I just– Do you want to fucking stay, yes or no.”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Okay. Then we’ll stay,” he says, lowering the sound of his voice. His eyes flick around your face for a few seconds before turning to look at the fire. You can tell he is agitated, but when is he not?

“Jesus, he always uses too much fluid,” he gripes, turning his attention to the flames. “Pyromaniac.”

“Well, I guess we can throw these on?” you say, picking up the tin foil packets. 

“Yeah yeah, um, just set ‘em there,” he says, looking up to you from his crouched position next to the fire pit.

“Do you…want a drink or something?” you ask, feeling the awkwardness between you growing quickly. You can feel the hostility pouring off of him, and getting a drink seems to be you only escape plan.

“What’s in there?” he asks, looking over towards the cooler. 

“Beer?” you pause, “I don’t know, Josh packed it.”

“Whatever’s in there is fine,” he says, tossing the foil packets onto the flames.

You make your way to the cooler, grabbing two icy cans and returning to your chair to see Jake sitting in the one on the opposite side of the fire pit. You hand the can to him, seeing a side smile pull across his lips as he nods his head in thanks. 

“Got something stronger in the car if you want it,” he smirks, popping the tab on his can.

The small sliver of a smile nearly takes your breath away. “Oh, um, no this is good. Thank you though.”

It’s quiet between the two of you, both of you sipping at your beers as you watch the fire in front of you. You want to say something to him, start a conversation, maybe even chip away at his tough exterior, but you know that comes with risks. Risks you aren't willing to take while stranded in the woods for the next two days. 

It’s him though, that strikes up a conversation, but it’s not to make small talk, it’s to get answers. 

“Why do you even want to stay if Clara left?” he asks, bringing his can to his lips. 

You take a second to think about it, “Well, because I bought all this camping stuff, mostly. I’ve been looking forward to this little trip. I like being in nature, and I don’t get to do it often enough. Going in the woods alone as a woman isn’t exactly the safest either. So yeah, it sucks they had to leave but I’d rather be here than back at my place staring at my camping supplies sitting at my front door.”

“No other reason?” he asks, lowering his voice a little as he pokes at the foil packs with a stick.

You shake your head slowly, “Not that I can think of, no.”

He scoffs and flips the packets over before sitting back in his chair. You can feel him judging you, and the silence as he snickers at you confirms it. 

“Don’t be like that, Jake. You wanted to stay, too.”

“Yeah, but I come out here all the time. This is my damn spot,” he snaps.

“Well excuse me for intruding! I can call a fucking cab but I don’t think they will find me out here!”

“Jesus, relax,” he groans, “You know what? That's your problem. You’re too…you’re too uptight.”

“I’m uptight?!” you gasp, “What about you?! Mister, brooding misunderstood rockstar, can't stand to be in the same room as a person that doesn't fall at his feet and sing his praises,” you bark. 

“No, see, that's where you’re wrong. I’m not brooding or misunderstood. The people that I want to know me, know me just fine. I just don't put my feelings on display for everyone I meet. I have a certain way I like to live my life. And if that comes across as brooding and misunderstood, then so be it.”

“You know, you’re insufferable sometimes…” you grit.

“Well thank you for your input. I’ll be sure to put that in my diary later,” he snickers. 

“Do you have any respect for anyone?” you shout from across the fire.

“Of course I do. Those who earn it,” he says, raising his eyebrows. 

“You’re so–” you pause, grunting in frustration when you struggle to find the words.

“Sorry I have standards, sweetheart,” he says, taking another long pull of his beer. 

“Standards? What is that supposed to mean?” you shout, feeling yourself getting a little worked up. 

He glances up at you over the fire, “I don't let just anyone come into my life and get all up close and personal. You have to earn that. Which means my standards are a little higher than most.”

You cut your eyes at him, “Why are you like this? All cold and cryptic…I don’t even know what I did to make you dislike me this much.”

His eyes are dark and unyielding, his lips turning into a smile as he laughs, “I never said I dislike you. You just don't like how I present myself because it goes against what you’re used to. You're used to easy going guys, who let you do anything you want because you’re pretty. Not guys who are a little closed off and reserved. You don't want a little bit of a challenge.”

“Who said I even want you at all?” you bite back.

“You didn’t need to say it, sweetheart. You’re easy to read,” he says, sending you a smug grin. 

“Well, find a different book.”

“You’re also a smartass,” he says, leaning forward to pull the foil packets from the fire with a stick. He carefully opens up the hot foil, and checks them to make sure they are cooked through. His eyes flick up to yours, “Hungry?”

“Yeah, I am,” you say begrudgingly, leaning forward to reach for the foil wrapped food. You unroll the foil and reach for the plastic forks, offering one to Jake. He takes it with the raise of his brow, casually picking at the food in the silver wrap. 

“Explains a few things,” he mutters with a smirk. 

“Is this how this is going to be? Are you just going to dig at me all weekend until we go our separate ways?” you ask, starting to feel a little fed up.

“You tell me. Is that what you want?” he asks, biting a carrot from his fork. 

“No, I want us to just get along the best we can. I want this to be at least a little enjoyable.”

He looks at you for a moment and seems to soften a bit. “Fine,” he says, “So what would you like to talk about then, sweetheart?"

You roll your eyes at the pet name you’ve adopted, “I don't know, what do you enjoy talking about? Pretend it's not me. Tell me about life on tour or something.”

He nods and picks at his food, seemingly thinking for a minute before he speaks. “Well,” he begins, “The tour has been good, a few bumps along the way. We hit some bad weather in Huntsville that delayed one of our shows for a night, but other than that it was a good run. I think everyone is holding up fine.”

“What about you, though. Are you holding up fine?” you ask. 

He seems taken aback by the question. He looks at you with a surprised expression, almost as if it’s the first time someone has asked him about himself. He looks down at his food and is quiet for a moment before mumbling, “Yeah…I’m fine. Why?”

“I don't know, you just seem...agitated with everything lately. Every time I see you, you just seem quiet.”

He looks up at you again, holding eye-contact for a minute. He is tempted to deny it, to tell you everything is fine, but he doesn’t. Maybe there’s a part of him that wants to be honest with you. The other part terrified of letting you see through the walls he has worked so hard to build up.

“That’s just how I am,” he says quietly. He glances up at you and then back at the fire again, “That’s how I present myself. And it’s always been that way. It’s how people expect me to be most of the time and I don’t blame them. Most of my music is written about heartache and struggle whether personal or not. It’s everything I am. But I’m fine, sweetheart. I’m always fine.”

You shrug your shoulders, not wanting to pry anymore, feeling satisfied with the little bit he’s allowed you,. “Okay.”

The two of you eat in silence for a few more minutes, the wind starting to pick up, as the leaves rustle behind you. Jake seems to have softened a bit since your earlier banter, and you wonder if he is feeling a little guilty for his hand in the taunting. 

He looks at you again with a raised eyebrow, “What about you, then? Are you fine?”

He’s asking about you? 

“I mean, yeah. I think I'm fine. There are some things I wish were different, but that's life,” you offer, not wanting to delve too far into things. Not that he would care anyway. 

He seems a little taken aback with your response. Not that it surprised him that you have personal problems, but he wasn’t expecting you to be honest with him. Almost anyone else would have painted a perfect picture and made themselves appear significantly better than they actually were. There was a moment between you two when the only sound was the crackling of the fire and the chirping of Cicadas before he quietly spoke again.

“What do you wish were different?”

“Ahh, it’s nothing really. Just sometimes I wonder if I am where I am supposed to be. You know, the normal stuff,” you say, offering him a smile.  

He looks at you for a beat and nods slowly, seeming to take that in. “I don’t think anyone truly knows if they’re where they’re meant to be. One of the mysteries of life, I suppose.”

“What?” you nod, encouraging him to continue. “What were you going to say? You look like you wanted to ask something.” 

He suddenly looks uncomfortable, looking back into the fire and away from you. 

“It’s nothing.” He shakes his head as if dismissing whatever he was just thinking and stands up. He walks towards the treeline with an unreadable expression on his face, and you wonder what he could possibly be thinking. The wind sends a shiver through you, and you decide to grab the s'mores ingredients from the cooler before he comes back. If he comes back. 

He walks away, disappearing into the trees as he goes to relieve himself. He stands there for a moment, his breath coming out in visible puffs in the cool night air. He runs a hand through his hair, swearing under his breath as he replays your conversation. He hates that you can break him down so easily, that you seem to understand him better than he understands himself, and worse that you even care enough to ask. 

He zips up and turns to head back towards the tent, feeling frustrated and conflicted. He knows he's being unfair to you, knows that he's acting cold and distant for no good reason. But he can't help it. It’s all he can do. He doesn't want to get close to people, doesn't want to let them in. Especially not you. 

You work quickly trying to place the marshmallows on sticks, finding it to be a lot harder than you thought. With a little elbow grease and a dream you shoved the sticky blobs on the ends of the sticks, dangling them gingerly over the open flames. 

With both hands occupied it's hard to shield your arms from the cool wind that is dancing through your campsite. A chill rises to your skin despite the warmth of the fire. You quickly forget about it though as you see Jake reappearing through the treeline. He walks up with his hands in his pockets, his eyes studying you as you roast the two marshmallows. 

“What are you up to now?” he asks, raising a brow. 

“I mean…Roasting marshmallows, what do you mean?” you ask, confused as to why he was confused. 

His eyes roam over you and a small smirk appears at the corner of his mouth. He leans a little bit closer to study what you’re doing, laughing under his breath.

“You’re going to burn them, sweetheart.”

“No I’m not. I know what I’m doing, thank you,” you quip, rotating the sticks. 

He laughs and shakes his head, “If you’re not careful, you’ll end up with a mess of black, gooey, sugar.”

He moves a little closer behind you, until his chest is mere inches away from your back. His voice drops to a teasing whisper against your ear. “But, by all means, continue.”

If the goosebumps weren’t already taking up residency on your body, they would be now. He takes the chair next to you this time, instead of his previous one across from you. You don’t question it, and he doesn’t mention it, so you leave it at that. 

You watch as the marshmallows start to puff up, knowing they are done and ready to be put on the graham cracker, but that's when you realize you only have two hands, and this is in fact, about to go south quickly.

“Here, hand one to me,” he says, grabbing the stick from your hand. “Put that one together, and then do this one.”

You work quickly to assemble the marshmallow, chocolate and graham cracker, your fingers growing into a sticky, sugary mess as it starts to deflate. It’s melting the chocolate perfectly, and you think you may have just made the perfect s’more. The wind starts to whip a little harder, blowing your hair around your face just a little too much. Jake hands you the stick back, letting you assemble the other s’more, trying to push your hair out of your face with your wrist. 

From his spot next to you, you can feel his eyes on you. Watching you struggle, giggling a little under his breath as you fight through the mess of hair in your eyes. 

You place the chocolate on the cracker before trying to position the marshmallow on top, a huff of frustration falling from your lips as you push your hair back with the side of your arm. “Fuck,” you growl. 

You hear him laugh again, but this time it's accompanied with him standing up from his seat. You turn your head and watch as he pulls a black hair tie from his finger. His fingers brush against your neck for a moment, gathering your hair into his fist and pulling it up into a quick ponytail. It is an unexpectedly sweet and careful gesture on his part, taking you completely by surprise. 

He steps back and looks over you, now with your hair out of the way. “There,” he says, taking his seat once more.

“Th–thank you,” you squeak out, still reeling over the feeling of his hands on your skin. 

There is a beat of silence between you where he just looks at you. His eyes drift from your face down to your fingers and the gooey mess you had created from assembling the s’mores. 

He suddenly snickers,“You’re a mess, sweetheart.”

You shrug your shoulders and offer him the perfect s’more, reaching for your own and sinking your teeth into the melty goodness. You were right, it was perfect. Probably the best you’d ever made. Screw him for saying you were going to burn it. 

You turn to look at him, ready to see his reaction to the perfectly made treat. He bites into it, staring at the fire as he chews, swallowing down his first bite before he turns to you. 

“You know, I kind of hate these,” he smirks. 

“What?” you ask, taking another bite. 

“I never have liked them. My whole life, really.”

“Then why– Why are you eating it? You didn’t have to eat it,” you say, suddenly feeling guilty. 

“I dunno. I want to. I guess ‘cause you made it for me.”

You feel your heart drop into your stomach, watching him intentionally take another bite as he settles back in his camp chair. There is a new tension floating in the air now, it's less uncomfortable and more heavy with things unsaid. 

He turns to look at you again, his face glowing in the orange fire light, “It actually isn’t terrible. I will admit.”

“So what you’re saying is that you love my cooking?” you tease.

He laughs, as he swallows his last bite, “Well, I didn’t say that. The fact that you call this cooking is questionable.” His tone is teasing, and you watch as he licks a dribble of chocolate from his thumb. It causes more of a reaction within you than you ever anticipated, and again you thank the wind for causing the goosebumps. 

“I think I have some paper towels  in the car, I’ll be right back.” he says, standing and walking over to his car. You can hear him digging around in his trunk as you stare off at the trees in the distance, trying to make any sense of the feelings rushing through your body right now. Why is he sort of sweet? Why is he sort of really sexy when he’s not being an asshole?

A flash in the trees catches your eye, snapping you from your thoughts and raising your blood pressure. You stare intently, watching for it again, hearing Jake approaching from your left. You see the flash again, accompanied by two others, and a smile crosses your face. 

Jake steps up behind you, tossing a thick flannel in your lap as he takes his spot next to you, offering you a handful of wet wipes to clean your sticky fingers. You glance down at the shirt laying across your legs and turn to him in surprise.

“Noticed you were cold, that's all.”

You clean your hands the best you can before sliding the thick flannel shirt over your arms, letting the warmth and the smell envelop your senses. This was not helping with the thoughts you were having a few minutes ago. You turn your sights back to the trees, watching the little orbs buzz around overhead.

“Fireflies…” you whisper, watching a few zaps of yellow buzz around in the old Oak trees.

He hums as he sees them light up, “They are in all of the trees out here. One of my favorite things,” he admits.

“Jake?”

He turns to look at you, nodding for you to continue. 

“Why do you come out here alone all the time?” you ask, genuinely curious. 

His expression darkens slightly as he hears the question, and he is quiet for a moment before answering. “It’s just peaceful I guess,” He shrugs and looks out into the darkness of the trees instead of you. “Not everyone is cut out to be around people all the time.”

“You don’t ever get lonely?”

A beat of silence passes and he glances back at you. This time, his usual smirk has disappeared and is replaced by a more serious look. He doesn’t answer the question, but there is a look in his eyes that makes you think maybe he is more lonely than he wants to let on.

“I’m comfortable with my own company,” he says quietly. The fire is still smoldering in front of the two of you, the flames gone now, leaving a pile of glowing embers snapping and popping as they work to extinguish themselves. 

You pull the sleeves of his flannel over your hands, catching his attention and pulling a tiny smirk to the corners of his lips. He swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing as he tries to focus on the fireflies again. It feels nice sitting with him like this. Just talking, no witty remarks or snappy comebacks. Just two people, talking. 

“Don’t you ever wish you had someone to share this with, though? Your spot?” you ask, giving him a playful grin.

He watches you for a moment, considering the question. There is a part of him that wants to be defensive and cold, shutting you out and telling you he doesn’t want that. But the look in your eyes and the softness of your tone tells him he can’t lie to you about this. He breaks eye contact momentarily, his gaze falling downward to his hands in his lap.

“Sometimes…” he mumbles under his breath. 

You aren’t sure why, but that goes straight to your heart. Sure he said he was fine earlier, but now you’re starting to see that maybe that isn’t completely true. It’s quiet for a moment, and you spend each second gathering up the courage to continue the conversation.

He glances at you again, this time having a look on his face that says he wishes he hadn’t confessed that to you. He suddenly becomes much more uncomfortable, trying to cover it up by acting nonchalant, adjusting his position in his chair and fidgeting with the fire. He clears his throat and looks to you again, “It’s late. We should get some sleep.”

It catches you off guard. Him not only abruptly ending the conversation, but the rest of the evening. You know he is right, you probably should go to sleep, but part of you feels like the conversation is unfinished, and you think he knows that, too. 

“Oh, um, okay. Yeah, you’re probably right.” you say, standing from your chair with a stretch. You can feel his eyes on you, burning holes into your skin. “Is the fire going to be okay?”

He laughs a little, nodding his head, “Yeah, yeah. Just embers now. It will smolder out in an hour or two,” he says. 

You nod your head and pull your flannel covered arms across your chest tightly. You start to make your way over to your tent, your mind flooded with the vision of him just moments ago, soft and glowing in the firelight. You look back at him, still standing at the fire, watching you walk to your tent. He nods with a smirk and starts walking toward his own tent. Before going in, he looks back at you, his eyes meeting yours.

“Night.”

“Night, Jake,” you answer, reaching for the zipper. He nods and watches as you step inside, waiting until you’re safely inside before he lets out a deep sigh.

He can’t quite put his finger on why he suddenly feels so off-kilter. You’ve shaken him in a way no other has been able to. There was something about that conversation earlier, you asking what he wanted. How he was doing.  How he feels. The way your features softened as you listened to him and made him want to tell you the truth. He didn’t like how it made him feel, like every falsity he had built up about you in his mind was exactly that. He had spent so long pushing you away and talking you down to himself that now, here, where he can’t escape you, he is faced with the fact that you’re exactly the girl he thought you were, and everything he has always known deep down is true.. 

Inside your tent, you rummage around in your duffle bag looking for something to sleep in. As you pull an old t-shirt from the bag you pull his flannel from your body, setting it aside while you change. You don’t know why, but you find yourself reaching for it again and layering it over your shirt. You pull it to your nose to breathe it in now that you’re alone in the confines of your tent. It smells of smoke and tobacco, a sweet earthy undertone pulling you into its spell as your eyes flutter closed.

You can hear him zipping his tent, the faint glow of his lantern casting a shadow of his figure against the tent fabric. You hear the buckle of his belt as he pulls it from the loops on his jeans, and you do your best to look away. But with the smell of his cologne invading your senses, you claim temporary insanity and watch as his shadow pulls his shirt over his head and slides out of his jeans. You swallow heavily as you watch his shadow settle down into his sleeping bag and turn off the lantern.

You do the same, turning off your headlamp and getting inside your sleeping bag, doing your best to get comfortable. Even though the air is warm, the ground is cold and you shiver slightly.  It’s difficult to get comfortable in the new environment and you find yourself rolling over and shifting around a lot, almost matching the state of your brain. Eventually, the sound of the cicadas lure you to sleep, and as your eyes shut it's a soft, fireside Jake that is on your mind. 

—

The birds chirping in the tree above you wakes you. Your eyes crack open and you immediately notice the cool chill in the air. You sit up and yawn, stretching out your limbs and buttoning the buttons on the flannel for a little extra warmth. As you step outside of your tent a cool fog envelops you, causing you to shiver. You see a small fire has been built in the fire pit already, so you gather that Jake is already awake.

You make your way to your camp chair, noticing it has been wiped of the dew already, and is ready for you to occupy it. Your eyes search the foggy landscape for any sight of him, finding him standing at the tailgate of his Jeep fiddling with something. He catches sight of you, and nods, motioning that he will be over soon. 

Minutes later he is approaching with two camp mugs filled with what you can only assume is coffee. The steam is swirling from the tops of the mugs blending in with the fog surrounding you. 

“Morning,” he says, offering you the blue speckled mug. 

“Morning,” you smile, accepting it from his hand. “You have all the accessories, don’t you?”

He smiles, and nods gently, “I’m very serious when I commit to things.”

“Oh, is that right?”

“It is.” His gaze travels over you for a moment. He can’t help but appreciate just how good you look in the morning. The messy hair and the sleepy expression, combined with his flannel, you’re practically driving him insane.

“Do you think we will be able to see the sunrise through the fog?” you ask, sipping at the black coffee.

He squints thoughtfully out into the fog, taking in the thickness of it. He can’t see anything through the haze and honestly doubts you will be able to see much of anything.

“Hard to say,” he shrugs. “Depends on how long it hangs on.”

You nod in understanding, returning to the quiet morning, listening to the chirping of the birds in the distance. “You know it is really beautiful out here, I see why you come out here.”

He smiles a little, appreciating your change of attitude from last night.

“I thought you’d like it,” he said with a hint of a smirk. He glances back out into the fog where everything is hazy and unclear. “It’s nice and quiet here. No one around for miles, other than us of course. I like that best of all.”

“You know, I might even come back here one day,” you smile, feeling your chest grow warm at his last words. 

He suddenly looks surprised that you’re considering returning. He usually had a comeback for anything you said, but for this, he was quiet for a moment, considering your words.

He glances around at the surrounding area, the trees and shrubs all covered in the dense fog. He feels almost defensive about you seeing this place as beautiful. It was his place, his special place, and he wasn’t sure why he felt so weird that you were appreciating it. He falls silent for a moment as he watches you enjoy the surroundings, sipping the coffee he made for you as you sit in his flannel. The peaceful look on your face as you look out into the fog causes his chest to feel warm. He would never admit it, but he wants to bring you back here as often as you want to come.

He clears his throat and looks back at you. “Maybe we can take a walk before it clears up.”

You can feel the blush creeping up your chest, your cheeks burning at the thought that he might actually want to spend the day with you. 

“Yeah, I think I’d like that. Anything cool to see out here?”

He takes a moment to think, rubbing his fingers against his lips, “There’s a pretty decent hike to a creek not too far, we could go that way. Only if you’re not scared of a little wilderness along the way,” he smirked.

“I’m not scared,” you answer, raising a brow in challenge. 

“You bring a bathing suit?” he asks, tipping back the last of his coffee.

“Of course,” you laugh. 

“Good, I’ll meet you back out here in say, fifteen?” he says, standing from his chair.

You nod and both make your way back to your tents, changing into your bikini that you fully did not prepare to wear in front of a man, let alone Jake. You pull a pair of denim shorts and a cut off tee over top, grabbing your hiking boots and your backpack as you make your way back out to the camp chairs. 

Jake is still in his tent, so you use the time to lace up your boots and pack a few snacks into your bag. It’s not long before Jake is stepping out, in a pair of red swim trunks and a black button down, barely hanging on to his tan frame. It seems a strange ensemble for hiking, but he is unlike any other man you knew, and it kind of just fit.

He joins you at the chairs, putting on his own hiking boots. You feel his hand reach over to check the tautness of your shoestrings, grabbing your attention. 

He looks up at you from his bent over position, “Just making sure they are tight enough, don’t need you getting blisters before we even make it to the trail head,” he smiles. 

With your bag packed and your sunglasses perched on your nose, the two of you set off into the treeline, leaving your camp behind in search of adventure. You head down the winding trail that is lined with overgrowth on either side. You can tell that not many people walk this path, and you wonder how Jake even found it in the first place. The thick brush and branches scratch at your legs as you trudge on, but you welcome it. This is what you wanted, after all.

He walks just a step behind you, watching your feet as you walk along the trail. He can’t help but notice how your legs look in your denim shorts, and he does his best not to stare. Not that you would notice. 

You turn around to look at him, noticing him a few strides behind you, “You gonna keep up with me Kiszka?”

He scoffs playfully, a bit miffed at that comment, “I’ve walked this trail a hundred times, pretty sure I can handle it.”

He takes a few quick steps to catch up to you, walking next to you now rather than a few steps behind. His shoulder brushes against yours as he walks, catching you both by surprise. 

“Why am I leading the way anyway if you know where we are going?” you tease. 

He scoffs and rolls his eyes, “You’re not ‘leading the way’ sweetheart, I’m guiding you.”

You huff in annoyance, “Guiding me? I’m not a dog…”

He smirked, thinking about how you definitely weren’t as obedient as a dog. You were much harder to control and a hell of a lot more stubborn.

He suddenly snickered and said, “Never said you were, I just don’t trust you not to wander off.”

“And go where? You’re all I’ve got out here!” you giggle, the words leaving your lips before you consider the weight of them. 

He snickered again with amusement, though his heart skipped a beat when you said that. You were all he had as well. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his swim trunks as he walked next to you, avoiding any more of the shrubs that were trying to grab onto him.

“There’s plenty of places to get lost around here if you wander off the trail. That’s why I’m making sure you don’t drift away too far.”

“Why would I want to?” you ask, a hint of flirtation evident in your tone.

He picks up on your flirty tone, letting a smirk pull across his lips. He glances over at you with a look in his eye as he registers what you meant by that comment.

“If I didn't know any better I would say you're enjoying spending time with me, sweetheart.” 

“Don’t flatter yourself, Jacob,” you quip. 

He snickers and glances over at you again, seeing that look on your face he's all too familiar with. “I don’t have to flatter myself, sweetheart. You’re the one getting all flirty.” He grins.

“Flirty? I’m not being flirty,” you lie.

He snickers again, seeing through your lie immediately. “You have a terrible poker face,” he says. He walks closer to you as he speaks, his leg brushing yours as you walk. 

You feel a chill run down your spine at the contact and you wonder if he feels it too. You decide to change the subject, worried that this conversation may have you backed into a corner. 

“Tell me how you learned to play guitar so well,” you ask, hoping he will be willing to accept your topic change. 

He lifts his gaze to the trees as he contemplates your question. He hadn’t thought about it in a while, but he still remembers those nights all too well.

“Practice, mostly. Spent hours and hours alone in my bedroom just practicing until my arms were sore and my hands locked up. But how do you know that I play well? You watch me, sweetheart?”

You roll your eyes, letting your hands push away a few branches, “I mean, you have to play pretty well if you're selling out arenas…”

He lets out a scoff and a smirk. He was used to people complimenting his skill but for some reason, hearing you do it makes him feel a little flustered.

“I suppose so, but you didn't answer my question,” He chuckles.

“What, have I watched you play? Of course I have. I've been to a few shows with Clara.”

He seems surprised by your confession. In that moment, he begins to wonder how many times your eyes have sought him out through the lights and over the crowd.

He clears his throat and says, “Clara dragged you out to them?”

“No, I went willingly,” you admit. 

There’s a moment of silence as he processes what you just admitted. For some reason, the thought of you going to one of his shows because you wanted to go was making his heart pound a little harder in his chest.

He looks at you with a smirk to mask how thrown off he was by that.  “How come I never saw you backstage?”

You look at him with a confused look, "Did you ever look?"

Something about that question stung. The way you said the words so casually felt like a knife through his chest. He shakes his head as he responds, “No. No, you weren't there. I would remember.”

“You're right. I never went back with Clara after the shows. Didn't want to put myself in that position. I mean, that's your space, ya know? And you and I can barely be in the same room together. We haven't even had a civil conversation until, well, right now.”

He stays silent for a moment, processing your confession. After a minute he sighs and runs a hand through his hair, “I never wanted it to be like that sweetheart.”

You huff a laugh, “Your actions over the last, oh I don’t know, two years have shown otherwise.”

He grimaces when you say that, knowing that you’re right. He knows he has been a jackass to you, but for some reason hearing you confront him about it was causing a strong pang of guilt to flare up deep within his chest. He tries to shrug it off and maintain his cool, but even he can’t deny that your words were hitting him right where it hurt. 

The two of you walk for a few moments in silence, the only sound being the crunch of branches and twigs under your feet. He glances over at you, watching the way your face looked as you focused on where you stepped along the path, and he suddenly blurts out a question.

“Why is it so easy for you to make me feel guilty?”

What?

You snap your head to look at him, “I don’t know, you tell me?”

He lets out a scoff and shakes his head, pushing a limb out of the way to let you pass. “You’ve just got this way of bringing out sides of me that I don’t understand,” he grumbles.

“What do you mean?” you ask, feeling a wave of nerves wash over you. 

He falls silent as he considers how to explain what he means. It’s a hard thing to describe. It’s more than just the way you make him feel things he doesn’t usually feel around other people. It’s more than just the way you look at him, or talk to him, that makes his heart beat harder. It’s more and he knows it.

“It’s nothing, nevermind,” he pauses, “We’re here.”

You decide to let it slide, not wanting to push him into a bad mood. The two of you walk up to the edge of the rocky creek, taking in the sights. There’s a small waterfall trickling over the rocks to your right, leading out into a swimming spot and you almost moan at how appealing a dip sounds after that hike.

Jake stands just beside you, his gaze skimming over the water. He takes in the rushing sound of the creek as it flows past the large rocks and branches. He’s secretly looking at you out of the corner of his eye, watching you stare out at the creek just like he did the first time he saw it. He takes a moment to just watch you. The way your hair looks in the sunlight is catching his eye, the way your lashes flutter as you blink, the look on your face that’s soft and calm. Watching you out here in this setting is making all sorts of different emotions swirl around inside him, but he just can’t bring himself to name any of them.

“This was worth the hike,” you say, turning to meet his gaze. 

He keeps his eyes on you as you admire the creek. The way the sunlight dances against your skin makes you look as if you’re glowing. He can’t pull his eyes away from how goddamn good you look and how peaceful you seem despite everything that had happened between you two.

“Yeah. I suppose it was worth it, wasn’t it?” He agrees reluctantly.

You pull your shirt over your head, leaving you in your bikini top and shorts. You know you want to jump in, but you will wait for him to go first. 

He’s completely caught off guard by your actions, his eyes growing wide. His gaze instantly travels down to take in your bare torso, raking over your skin and lingering for just a beat too long. He immediately clears his throat and looks away, shifting uncomfortably as he feels an unfamiliar pang of heated desire in his stomach.

“You ready to swim?” he asks. You unlace your boots and leave them on the embankment, turning to look at him as he does the same. 

“Very,” you say, nodding towards the water.

He takes a moment to compose himself and avoid staring at you while you are basically half-naked. He pulls his own shirt over his head, revealing his tanned chest and arms, and sets it down beside yours on the bank of the creek.

He dips a toe into the water cautiously to test the temperature. It’s a bit cold, but it feels refreshing on his skin after all the walking you had done to get here.

“Good, let me show you why we really came here,” he says, motioning for you to follow him up a footpath. You quickly kick off your shorts and follow after him, curious as to where he is taking you. As you reach the end of the small dirt path your eyes land on the old rope hanging from the branch of an Oak tree.

“No, no way,” you stammer. 

A mischievous smirk quirks up on his face as you look at the rope. He can tell that you’re nervous just by the look in your eyes. But he would be lying if he said that he didn’t find it cute.

“Oh come on, what happened to ‘I’m not scared’?” he teases. 

“I’m not! But this is different!” you whine. 

He walks up to the rope, grabbing a hold of it and giving it a few solid pulls to test how sturdy it is. He glances over his shoulder at you to watch your face, seeing the anxiety there in your expression.

He smirks and motions towards the creek below him, “See that spot down there? It’s perfect for jumping. It’s safe. I’ve done it a hundred times. I promise.”

“I don’t know,” you say, biting at your bottom lip. 

He grins as he watches you bite your lip. Seeing you looking so nervous and cute was making his heart twist. He steps closer to you, still holding the rope in his hands. He smirks and cocks an eyebrow. “I’ll go first, okay?”

You nod and watch as he wraps his hands around the brown rope. He turns and looks back at you with an excited expression, “I’ll see you down there?”

“Okay,” you murmur, watching as he gets a running start and flies through the air before dropping down into the creek with a splash. You run to peer over the edge, watching him come up from the water with a shake of his hair. He smiles and waves you down, practically begging you to join him. 

“Come on, you can do it! I–I’ll catch you! Promise!” he shouts, “Jump, sweetheart!”

You let out a deep breath, gathering all your courage as you wait for the rope to stop swinging so you can grab it. As you reach for it you hear him cheering, still floating in the water where he landed. 

“Jump!” he yells, smiling up at you as he treads in the water. He grins as he watches you dangle from the rope, nervous to let go and jump into the water. “You’re gonna be fine! Just let go and I’ll catch you. I promise,” he yells.

With that you run, jumping off of the rock with the rope clutched tightly in your fists. Time almost seems to slow down when you jump, your body floating through the air and for a moment, it feels exhilarating.

“Let go, now!” he shouts, and so you do.

Jake waits with his arms open wide, watching as you fall down towards him from above. He can see the mixture of fear and courage on your face as you plummet towards him. He braces himself as you fall into his arms, catching you as best he can in the deep water. He pulls you close to him, his hands gripping your bare waist as your bodies press together. He can feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he holds you, your chest against his and your faces just inches apart. He can feel your heart pounding as he looks into your eyes.

The moment you’re in his arms, something within him snaps. All of a sudden, everything feels heightened. The feel of your body against his, the way you’re looking at him, the sound of your breathing as it slightly catches in your chest. The air between you seems almost electrified and he can feel the tension brewing in his gut.

“You caught me,” you breathe, recognizing just how close the two of you are. 

He can’t help but smirk and let out a low chuckle, still holding you against him. “I told you I would.”

You can feel your body pressed against his, the wet fabric of your bikini sticking to your skin. It’s making your brain go fuzzy and your skin tingle in a way you can’t explain.

“Thank you,” you whisper, neither of you making a move to let go of each other. 

He swallows, the tension between you feeling almost palpable. His pulse is pumping, and his breath catches in his throat as he holds onto you. He wants so badly to press you against him further and hold you tighter. Closer.

He couldn’t help glancing down at your lips, his gaze drifting down from your eyes to linger there just for a moment. You let your tongue dart out over your lips, swiping away the water dripping over them. 

He lets out a low, deep breath as he watches you. That small action has his heart racing even more, and every instinct inside him telling him to bring you closer. To claim your lips with his and taste you.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, sweetheart,” he whispers in a hoarse voice.

“Dangerous for who?” you question, biting on your lip.

He raises an eyebrow and chuckles, his grip on your hips tightening just slightly. He pulls you in closer, and you know he can feel your nipples hard and wet against his chest. Your bodies are pressed flat against one another, the cool water from the creek dripping down from your skin and onto his. He can feel your heart pounding against his chest and his pulse thrumming in his veins. 

He leans his head down so that his lips are mere millimeters away from yours and whispers huskily, “You. For you, sweetheart.”

Suddenly he releases his grip on you, swimming on his back further down the creek. Your heart is still racing in your chest from the contact. You felt something just now, and you know he did too. You feel a sick feeling in your chest at the loss of his touch. You tread water for a moment as you watch him swim away, feeling the coolness of the water against your skin and the sun beating down above you. Your mind is racing and you’re trying to process all of the different emotions and sensations that he stirred up within you just now.

Jake turns, breaking the surface to look back at you. “You coming?” he calls out to you with a smirk.

You nod, starting to swim towards him, taking notice of the smile on his face and the small dimple in his cheek. For some reason you feel the need to be close to him, you want his hands on you again, and you think maybe he does too.

He watches as you swim towards him, your body moving gracefully through the water. He can feel his heart rate increasing as he watches you approach, and he has a sudden urge to reach out and pull you against him. But instead, he composes himself and continues to tread water as you swim up to him.

He grins as you get to him, his gaze drifting over your body. “Took you long enough,” he teases.

“Where are you taking me, anyway?” you taunt, treading water next to him.

He chuckles and shakes his head, “You ask a lot of questions, you know that?”

You shrug your shoulders in the water, and with that he spins around and starts swimming further down the creek, moving towards a more secluded area. He glances over his shoulder at you as he swims, making sure you’re following him. He swims over towards the bank, pulling himself up on a collection of flat rocks. It’s a nice shady spot, and you can tell the rocks will be warm to the touch. 

He looks back at you, extending his hand to help pull you from the water. You take it, letting him pull your wet body up onto the rocks with him. He keeps hold of your hand for just a moment longer than necessary, hoping you didn’t notice, but of course you do. 

“This,” he pauses, “Is my favorite place.” He grins and motions for you to sit down, taking a seat himself. Once you’re settled, he looks out at the creek that flows past you. 

“I found it a long time ago. No one’s ever here. It’s like a little hidden treasure, I don’t even know if anyone else knows it’s here,” he says with a smile. “Actually, you’re the only person I’ve ever shown this to.”

“What? No one else?” You question. 

He shakes his head, chuckling a bit. “No one. It’s my little secret hideout.” He looks over at you and grins, his eyes taking in your figure sitting next to him. “I guess now it’s our secret hideout.”

“Oh, ours now, huh?” you tease, turning to look at him as the sun hits his cheeks. 

He laughs, his eyes still wandering over you, taking in the way the water is dripping down your sun kissed skin.

He takes a deep breath and nods, “Yeah, ours. No getting out of it now,” he says with a smirk.

You decide to push the envelope a little, swallowing nervously as you speak, “Wasn’t really planning on it.”

He grins, his eyes lighting up with mischief as he hears your flirty tone. He shifts his body towards you, his gaze drifting over your face and then down towards your chest and legs, still damp from the water.

He raises an eyebrow at you and responds in a low voice, “Good. I don’t think I’d let you, anyway.”

You decide to let the conversation end there, your pulse pounding as you look at him, the droplets of water drying on his chest. He’s hot, and you know that he knows it. The smirk on his lips hasn’t left since you made your way to the rocks and you can feel the tension between the two of you growing by the second. 

He swallows, feeling his heart begin to beat quicker as he looks at you. He wants so badly to reach out and touch you, but he holds back, knowing that doing so would probably drive him over the edge. He takes a deep breath and steadies himself. He’s not used to feeling this out of control when he’s with a woman. Normally he’s the one in charge, the one in control. But there’s something about you that makes him feel like he’s losing his grip, like he’s teetering on the edge of something new and different, and he can’t help but be drawn to it.

He shifts his body closer to you, his gaze fixed on your face as he speaks. “You want to swim some more or do you want to head back?”

“What do you want to do?” you ask, truly feeling like anything would be fun as long as it was him you were doing it with. 

He grins at you, the sparkle in his eye betraying his true desire. He wants to touch you, to pull you against him and feel your body pressed against his. But instead of saying that, he shrugs, “I’m good with whatever you want. Can’t promise we won’t find ourselves in the water again, though.”

With that you push up off the rocks and dive back into the creek, pushing the hair from your face as you resurface from the water. You splash the water up at him, soaking him and causing him to jump. 

“Oi!” he shouts, a bit of an accent peeking out from somewhere. 

“What’s wrong Kiszka? Can’t handle a little innocent splashing?” you taunt, trying to lure him into the water. What you don’t expect is for him to jump to his feet with a vengeful look in his eye. 

“Oh you just wait, sweetheart,” he pauses, charging towards you, “We will see how innocent–” 

You cut him off with another playful splash, drenching him again.  

He wipes the water from his face, shaking his head as if you have pushed him too far, “Mmhm, okay, now you’ve done it.” 

He jumps into the water next to you, wrapping his arms around you as he drags you beneath the surface. He pulls you down with him, holding you tight around the waist as you sink beneath the surface. The feeling of your body against his is intoxicating, and he revels in the sensation for a moment before popping back up and pulling you with him.

As you break the surface, he keeps his arms wrapped around you, holding you against him as you gasp for air. He grins, his smirk returning as he looks down at you. “Payback’s a hell of a thing, sweetheart.”

You push playfully at his shoulders, feeling his hands still holding your waist. A wicked grin is on his lips, and you're certain you’ve never seen someone so beautiful. He laughs as you push at him, not loosening his grip on your waist one bit. He can feel the way your body feels against his, soft and warm in stark contrast to the coolness of the water.

“Watch yourself, dove,” he warns, his smirk growing wider as he looks down at you. “You’re playing with fire.”

“How do we keep finding ourselves here,” you breathe. 

He looks down at you, his eyes locked on your face as he holds you in his arms. You feels the tension between you building, the heat of your bodies close together making your heart race in your chest.

He takes a deep breath, letting out a low chuckle as he replies, “I dunno, sweetheart, I sure don’t know.” His hand moves up to tuck a lock of your wet hair behind your ear. It feels like he wants to say more, but stops himself, settling for something else instead. “You want to head back?”

You feel a pang shoot through your chest, you don’t want to leave this spot, not now, not ever. “Sure,” you answer, and you wonder if he feels the same. 

He nods, a flicker of disappointment crossing his face. He had hoped you would say you didn’t want to leave, that you wanted to stay here just as much as he did. But he doesn’t argue with you, and instead just starts swimming towards the bank. 

“C’mon, it’s starting to get dark anyway, we should get back.” he says, letting you follow behind him. 

You find your belongings right where you left them, but the thought of putting clothes over your wet bikini has you cringing. Instead, you shove them into your backpack, holding Jake’s shirt up, silently asking him if he wants it. He shakes his head as he ties his boots, his hair still dripping down his back. You put on your own boots and sling the backpack over your shoulders, taking one last look at the creek you’d never forget. 

“You ready?” he asks, starting down the path. You nod and follow behind him, the trail lit by the perfect afternoon sun. Your hair is drying in waves around your face, much the same as his. 

He leads the way down the trail, his boots crunching on the ground below. His mind is wandering as he walks, stuck between the memory of holding you in the water just moments ago and the thought of possibly never doing it again. He sneaks glances at you out of the corner of his eye, admiring the way the sunlight is casting warm rays over your hair and face.

“Thanks for bringing me here, Jake,” you say, giving him a soft smile.

He turns to look at you, a small smile on his lips. He’s a little surprised at your sudden show of gratitude.

He shrugs a little, “You’re welcome. I come here whenever I need a break from things. It’s nice to have somewhere peaceful to escape to…” He trails off and looks away for a moment before continuing. “And nice to have someone to share it with.”

The two of you walk in content silence for most of the trail, the sun starting to dip lower and lower into the sky as the minutes pass. You notice a few clouds overhead, and thank them for a reprieve from the sun. You can feel yourself growing more and more tired with every step and before you know it you’re falling behind Jake. 

It’s as if he can hear your footsteps slowing behind him, and he stops walking, turning to look back at you. You’re several feet behind him now, your steps much more weary than they were earlier.

He raises an eyebrow as he looks at you. “You good, pretty girl?”

Your heart hammers in your chest at the pet name, but the fatigue is setting in so quickly you pay it no mind. “I don't know, I think so. I am just so exhausted suddenly.”

He sees the fatigue etched on your face, the way your steps are slowing down. He takes a step back towards you, concern evident in his eyes.

“You want to stop for a minute?” he asks, his voice softer than usual.

“How much farther is it? I can probably make it,” you ask. 

He takes a moment to think before responding, his eyes scanning over your face and your tired expression. He can tell you’re exhausted, but he also knows that you’re stubborn and determined to get back. “About another half mile, maybe a little less,” he replies. “You sure you can make it, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be fine, let’s just keep going,” you say, starting to walk again. It feels like you’re carrying a bag of bricks on your back, but you push through. 

So he silently falls into step beside you, watching like a hawk for any sign of your energy giving out on you. But that's when it hits him, "What if I carried you?"

“Carried me?” you ask.

He looks at you, a smirk dancing on his lips. “Yeah, carried you. I could give you a piggyback ride the rest of the way.”

“Jake, no…” you whine, deep down loving the idea. 

He laughs aloud at your protest, his eyes dancing with mischief. “Oh, come on, sweetheart, you know you want to. I can see it in your eyes. I bet your legs are going to give out on you any second now.”

“Are you sure?” you ask, feeling hesitant, but he is offering.

He grins, seeing the wheels turning in your head. “I'm sure. C’mere.” He motions for you to turn around, holding his arms open for you to climb onto his back.

You feel his arms wrap around your legs as you climb onto his back, feeling the warmth of his skin against your chest. You practically melt into him, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as your nose brushes against his hair, still wet from the creek.

He grunts a bit as you climb onto his back, the weight of you against him sending a wave of warmth through his body. He wraps his arms tightly around your legs, securely holding you in place, and is suddenly acutely aware of how close you are to each other. He can feel your breath on the back of his neck and the way your chest is pressed against his shoulders, the sensation making his heart beat a little faster than usual.

“Are you sure this is okay?" you ask, splaying your hand against his chest.

He takes a deep breath, enjoying the feeling of your hand on his skin. He nods, his voice a little huskier than usual. “Yeah, it's fine. Don't you worry ‘bout a thing, sweetheart.”

He adjusts his grip on you slightly, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of your thighs.

You walk like that for a little bit, your body quickly succumbing to the rhythmic bouncing from every step he takes. You find your eyes growing heavy, and your head starting to droop, and before you know it, your head is resting on his warm shoulder. 

He can't help but smile to himself as he realizes you've fallen asleep on his back. He adjusts his grip on you, trying to keep you as secure as possible as he continues walking down the trail, humming softly and feeling oddly content with the situation he has found himself in. 

It feels like seconds have passed before he gently taps your leg, waking you up as he speaks. “Hey, sleepyhead. We made it.”

He waits for you to regain your bearings and loosen your grip on him before carefully lowering you down from his back, his hands lingering at your waist for a moment longer than necessary.

“That felt like two minutes, tops,” you giggle.

He laughs, a soft chuckle that makes his chest vibrate. “Yeah, you passed out pretty fast there,” he pauses, “You hungry? I’m starving.”

“Starving,” you answer, maybe a little too quickly. 

He laughs again, the sound still as charming as usual. “Yeah, figured as much. Let's get something going.” 

He makes his way to the cooler, opening it up and pulling a pack of hotdogs from inside, “This looks like it,” he smiles, “Let me get the fire going and we will be cooking in no time.”

“Thanks for carrying me, Jake. Sorry I fell asleep on you,” you say, lowering your voice a little. 

He grins as he sets the hot dogs down, looking up at you. “No problem. And no need to apologize for dozing off.” He glances up as he strikes a match, igniting the kindling. “It was kind of...cute.”

Cute? Oh.

A strong gust of wind blows through the campsite, taking both of you by surprise, tossing a camp chair to its side. 

“Damn,” he says, moving to pick up the chair. He looks up to the sky, the clouds growing heavy and darkening. “We may be in for a bit of rain.”

“Tents are waterproof, right?” you ask nervously.

He chuckles at your question, a hint of playfulness in his voice. “Yeah, sweetheart, tents are waterproof.”

“Don’t laugh at me!” you whine. 

He grins, enjoying your playful pout. “I can't help it, you make it too easy.”

He looks at you again, the fire casting a warm glow over his features. “How about you go change into some dry clothes, these hotdogs will be done soon.”

You nod and head into your tent, stripping out of your bathing suit and pulling a t-shirt over your sun warmed skin. You add a pair of leggings and his flannel before stepping back out and seeing him assemble the hotdogs. Your stomach is growling, and you quickly realize you hadn’t eaten all day. 

He looks up as you come out of your tent, his eyes lingering on the way his flannel covers your form. He can feel his heart skip a beat at the sight of you in his shirt, but quickly composes himself.

He grins as he sees your expression, your hunger evident. “Ready?”

You nod as he hands you a paper plate, taking the seat next to you at the fire. The air is cooler than it was last night, and the humidity is growing by the second. Both of you quickly eat, very few words shared between the two of you. 

You both toss the paper plates into the fire, making quick work of cleaning up. He disappears into his tent for a few minutes, emerging in warmer clothes. His cheeks have a pink glow from the sun today, and you can’t help but think it makes him all the more pretty in the fire light.

“So what do you think, you gonna make us s’mores again tonight?” he asks, crossing his feet on the ledge of the fire pit.

You turn to look at him, “What? I thought you didn’t like them?”

He laughs softly, turning to look at you, “I like them when you make them,” he says, his confession warming your chest.

“Are you getting soft on me, Kiszka?” you tease, standing up to grab the ingredients from the cooler.

“Me? Soft?” he scoffs, pretending to be offended. “Never in a million years, sweetheart.”

He grins, the corners of his lips curling into a smirk, betraying his feigned annoyance. He grabs the two sticks from last night, holding them out to you as you place the marshmallows on the ends. This time you give him his own stick to hold, both of you twirling the sugary puffs in the flames. 

He carefully twirls his own marshmallow in the flames, occasionally stealing glances at you as you do the same. The air is quiet, save for the crackle of the fire and the distant sound of crickets, a rumble sounds in the distance but you both ignore it.

As the marshmallows puff up, you pull them from the fire, placing them gently on the graham cracker and chocolate. They melt perfectly and again, you offer him his first. He takes it from your hand, biting into it quickly, as you do the same. 

“Truly, I think it’s something about you,” he admits, taking another bite. “They just taste better when you do it.”

“It’s all in your head,” you laugh, licking marshmallows from your finger. His eyes watch as your tongue swipes over the digits, his throat bobbing as he swallows back his nerves. 

A yawn falls from your lips as he looks at you, the earlier exhaustion creeping up on you again. 

“You look tired, sweetheart.”

“I am, it just hit me out of nowhere again,” you admit. 

He chuckles softly, his shoulder brushing against yours. “Yeah, I can tell. You’ve been fighting it for the past twenty minutes.” He looks at you intently, studying your expression in the firelight. “Wanna call it a night?”

“What about you? I don't wanna leave you out here all by yourself?”

He shakes his head, a small smile on his lips. “Don't worry about me, sweetheart. I can handle myself.” He looks at you, a hint of playfulness in his gaze. “Besides, I don't mind being out here alone. It’s peaceful this time of night.”

“You sure?” you ask, a hint of guilt in your tone. 

He grins, his gaze unwavering as he looks at you. “Yeah, I'm sure. I'll just hang out until the fire smolders and enjoy the quiet out here before I head in.”

He can see the tiredness in your eyes, and he wants nothing more than to tuck you into the tent and hold you against him all night. But he keeps that last thought to himself. 

“Okay, well, thanks again for today. For showing me your secret place. I had a lot of fun with you," you say, clutching the cuffs of his flannel in your fists.

His heart skips a beat at your words, the sincerity in your tone making his chest ache. He looks at you, his gaze softening as he takes you in. “Don’t mention it, dove. I had a lot of fun too.” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

You nod with a bashful smile, “Goodnight, Jake.”

He smiles at you, his gaze lingering on you for a moment before he replies. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

He watches as you disappear into your tent, his eyes fixated on the flaps even after you’ve gone inside. He takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself as he looks back to the fire.

He sits there for a while longer, his thoughts consumed by images of you. He can practically still feel the way your skin felt against his, the weight of you on his back as he carried you down the trail. He can still picture the way you looked in his flannel, your eyes tired but still filled with a spark that sent shockwaves through his body. He wanted you, and he always had.

Despite his best efforts he found the feelings that he pushed down for so long had resurfaced with a vengeance, briefly making him question whether they were ever really gone at all. He’d  made up a hundred reasons why he shouldn’t want you, letting it show in his harsh words and hostile demeanor, all the while letting you root your way deeper and deeper into his heart with every caught smile and laugh. He’d done such a good job pushing you away that he started to believe the lies he was telling himself over the last two years. Although, that all came to a screeching halt the minute he decided to let you in last night. The minute you showed him that you wanted to know him beyond surface level, and the minute he realized you were everything he told himself you weren’t.

Inside your tent you are snuggling down into your sleeping bag, replaying the day over and over. The way his hands felt on you, the smile you drew out of him, all of it. You wanted to run back out there and beg him to join you in here, but you know you can't. 

You can hear the fire still crackling, and the sway of the trees in the wind. Thunder is rumbling in the distance, growing closer and closer. You zip the window flaps on your tent for good measure, but that's when you hear it. The sound of a guitar, softly strumming in the breeze. You can tell he is trying to play quietly, but part of you wishes it was just a little louder. 

You don’t recognize the song, but it's soft and sweet and twists your heart in two. You want to know the name. Did he write it? Is it even a real song yet? Instead you lay there, letting the music his hands are producing play you to sleep, wishing every night could be like tonight.

—

A crash of lightning pulls you from your sleep, the sound of the nylon ripping overhead, pulling a scream from your chest. Rain starts to pour into your tent, drenching you and all of your belongings before you even have time to process what's happening. You pull yourself out of your soaking wet tent to see the storm raging around you. The trees whipping wildly through the wind, and the rain falling so hard you can barely see. You turn to look at your tent finding a tree branch laying across the fiberglass poles, effectively ripping the top of your tent. 

“Shit!” you scream, trying to pull your soaked belongings from inside. Jake must have heard the commotion, pulling on his boots as he rushes over towards you.

“What’s going on? What happened?” he shouts, dripping wet from the pouring rain. His eyes are panicked as they search yours for an answer. 

“The tree! A branch fell and ripped my tent, everything is wet! I–”

He grabs your arms, pulling you a little closer to him, “Are you okay?” he asks, not caring about the tent. You came first. 

“Yes, yes! I’m fine, I just– my tent!” you cry, feeling overwhelmed. 

He curses under his breath, the sight of your slashed tent and your wet clothes fueling the anger inside of him. "Damn it," he shouts, trying to keep his cool as he surveys the damage. “Okay, look, just, go get in my tent. I’ll be there in a second.”

You nod graciously and head over to his tent, unzipping the flap and stepping inside. It’s much larger than yours and is filled with real camping equipment. It’s warm, and is lit with a lantern. You see his things laying neatly by his bag, and you do your best not to drip water onto everything. 

Jake watches as you head towards his tent, disappearing inside and zipping the flap behind you. He lets out a breath, running a frustrated hand through his hair before he turns back to your tent. He grabs the offending branch, tossing it aside before he starts to gather your items from inside. He carefully picks up your belongings, dashing over to his car and tossing them in the backseat. His boots are caked with mud as he makes his way back to his tent, leaving his boots outside as he joins you inside. 

“I tried to salvage your stuff, but everything is soaked. I put it in my car to dry out but…” he pauses, wiping the rain off of him as is drips down his face. 

“Thank you,” you breathe, realizing that both of you are wet and freezing now. He has the same realization as he crawls towards his bag.

He nods in response to your gratitude, his fingers digging through his belongings to find a dry shirt for you. He pulls out a plain t-shirt, the fabric soft and well-worn. He turns back to you, handing you the shirt as his gaze flits over your soaked form. 

“Here, put this on for now,” he says gruffly, trying to keep his train of thought focused on practicality and not how good you look wearing his clothes. “I just need to change into some dry clothes and then you can go back to sleep.”

“What?” you question, unsure of his logic. 

“I’ll change and then I’ll go sleep in my car, you can take the air mattress,” he says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world that you’d get the better accommodations. 

“What? Jake, no. I’m not taking your tent and making you sleep in your car. No way.” you say, putting your foot down. “I’ll sleep in your car.”

He sits there, stunned at your words. He wasn't expecting resistance from you, expecting you to happily accept him taking the brunt of the damage.

“No, Y/N. Absolutely not. You’ll be much warmer here with the sleeping bag and the air mattress. You’re shivering, you’re not sleeping in the cold ass car,” he snaps, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, I’m not letting you sleep in the car,” you argue. “We can just– both share the air mattress. I’m fine with it if you are.”

He looks at you incredulously, his brain short-circuiting at your suggestion. The thought of sharing that small space with you, of being that close to you in the dark, is both tantalizing and terrifying. He opens his mouth to argue again, but the words get stuck in his throat. He swallows hard, his eyes flicking over your figure again. He wants to protest, to say no and keep his distance, but the look in your eyes dares him to argue.

“Fine,” he relents, his voice gruff and reluctant. “But only if you're sure you're okay with it."

“I’m okay with it Jake,” your voice softer now.

He nods, his eyes searching your expression to be sure you mean it. You nod again and he understands. He digs into his bag again producing a pair of worn gray sweatpants, handing them to you with a gleam in his eye. 

You take the sweatpants from him, your fingers brushing against his for a moment. It's a brief contact, but it sends a jolt of electricity through your body. He turns to give you a bit of privacy, despite seeing you half naked already once today. You quickly strip out of your soaked clothes, shivering from the cold air on your bare skin. You pull on the sweatpants, the warm, soft fabric enveloping your legs. You pull the wet shirt from your body and toss it to the ground before putting on the t-shirt that smells exactly like him. 

“Okay, I'm good,” you say, your voice soft.

He turns around and his breath stutters at the sight of you in his clothes. The sweatpants are a little baggy on you, the legs pooling around your ankles. The t-shirt clings to your curves, the fabric stretched tight over your chest. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest, his body reacting to the sight of you more than it should.

He swallows hard, trying to keep his cool. “You look–” he starts to say, his voice cracking slightly.

“Warm?” you smile, suddenly feeling a bit shy. 

He manages to nod in response to your question, his voice gravelly when he speaks. “Yeah,” he says, his eyes flickering to your face for a moment before darting away again. “Warm."

You turn to offer him the same privacy, listening as you hear his wet clothes hit the ground. He is quick to change, pulling on a pair of boxer shorts and a black long sleeve t-shirt. 

“All good,” he says, moving closer to the air mattress. You try not to stare at him in his boxers, but it’s hard not to. 

He motions towards the air mattress, and you crawl towards it, positioning yourself on one side as he takes the other. You notice that you must be occupying the side he was previously on, seeing a book and a water bottle sitting next to your head. 

He crawls onto the air mattress beside you, the small space suddenly feeling much smaller with the two of you in it. He tries to keep some distance between you both, not wanting to get too close and make you uncomfortable.  The air in the tent is thick with tension, the heat of your bodies so close together in the small space. The rain continues to pour outside, falling harshly against the nylon of the tent.

He can hear your breathing, the sound of each intake of breath filling the silence between you. He's acutely aware of your presence beside him, your body just inches away from his, and he is doing everything in his power from pulling you into him.

“Were you reading?” you ask, trying to fill the silence. He looks surprised that you've spoken, his eyes flickering over to you for a moment. He'd been caught up in his thoughts, lost in the feeling of being so close to you in the small space.

He nods, gesturing towards the book next to your head. “Yeah, I was.” he says, his voice a little gruff. “It's a pretty good book.”

“What's it about?” you ask, rolling to face him.

He takes a moment to remember the premise of the book, his mind still a little clouded with the feeling of being so close to you.

“It's um, it’s a crime thriller,” he replies. “It's about a detective trying to solve a series of murders in a small town. It's pretty intense, actually.” 

You giggle, “I wouldn't have taken you for a thriller novel kind of guy.”

He raises an eyebrow at your response, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “And what kind of guy did you think I would be?” he asks, his tone a mix of curiosity and amusement.

“I don’t know. Maybe a biography guy? History maybe?”

He chuckles at your response, a small laugh escaping his lips. “Biographies and history, huh? I mean, I read those too,” he says with a smirk. “But I like a good thriller from time to time.”

He glances over at you, his eyes trailing over your features as you yawn. He reaches over and turns off the lantern, leaving the two of you in darkness with the sound of the rain. 

“You tired?” he asks, his voice a little softer now. 

“Yeah, a little, but that kind of woke me up. I can't lie,” you answer, shivering a little as you lay on the air mattress. Jake seems to notice and immediately sits up, unzipping his sleeping bag and tossing half of it onto your body. His movements are quick and practiced, his eyes flickering to your face to make sure you're covered up.

He lays back down, his body now closer to yours under the shared cover. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm the racing of his heart. The silence hangs in the air again, the sound of the rain outside the only noise breaking through the tension between you. He can hear your breathing beside him, your body so close to his under the covers. He's acutely aware of the feel of your body heat radiating against his skin, the proximity of your bodies igniting a spark inside of him.

He tries to keep his eyes trained on the ceiling of the tent, but they keep drifting back towards you, taking in the way your hair fans out around your face as you look at him.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Y/N,” he says, his voice barely a whisper. 

You slide your hand up to rest on his cheek, warm and stubbly, “Thank you for coming to save me,” you breathe.

His breath hitches in his throat at the feeling of your hand on his cheek, the touch sending a shiver down his spine. He leans into your palm, his eyes fluttering closed for just a moment. He can feel his heart racing in his chest, the warmth of your touch making his skin tingle. He opens his eyes, looking over at you with a mixture of surprise and something else. Something...soft.

“I'll always come save you,” he says, his voice low and gentle.

Your eyes flick down to his lips, pink and full, before meeting his dark brown eyes again. “All this time I thought you hated me.”

He swallows hard, his eyes fixed on yours as he hears your words. He can feel the tension coiled tight in the space between you, the atmosphere thick with unspoken desire. He hesitates for a moment, his eyes flickering over your face as if he's searching for something. 

Finally, he speaks. “I don't hate you,” he says, his voice low and soft. “I’ve never hated you, I always liked you. Too much, probably.”

“What?”

He takes a deep breath, the words spilling out of him before he can stop them.

“I never hated you, sweetheart,” he repeats, his voice softer this time. “I always liked you, maybe a little too much. I remember when Josh met Clara, he told me that you, specifically, were off limits. Of course at that point it was already too late. I swear it just made me want you more. I knew I couldn't go against him, though. I knew he had his reasons. I just...I didn’t know how to deal with it, being around you and not being able to have you, so I pushed you away. It was the only thing that worked.”

His eyes meet yours, his expression vulnerable and open. “It was easier to be cold to you than to be myself and fall for someone that I can't have.”

“Jake,” you breathe, sliding your thumb against his cheek. He closes his eyes at the sound of his name on your lips, feeling your thumb glide along his skin. It feels like electricity zipping through his body, igniting every nerve ending all at once. He turns his face towards your touch, his cheek pressing into your palm as he revels in the feeling.

“He didn’t even tell me that you were going to be on this trip. He knew I wouldn’t have come if I knew you were going to be here, too. He knew I wouldn’t subject myself to that. Honestly, I was doing okay controlling myself, until today.”

“Today, at the creek…” you continue. 

His eyes flutter open, his gaze locking with yours as he hears you mention it. The memory of that moment floods through his mind, the sight of your body in the water burned into his brain.

He swallows hard, his throat dry as he nods in response. “Yeah,” he whispers. “Today at the creek,” he repeats, his voice hoarse. 

You nod your head and bite your lip as your mind replays its own memories. 

He shifts his body subtly closer to you, the heat between you growing with each passing moment. He can feel the tension building to a fever pitch, the air thick with desire and need.

“I wanted to kiss you, sweetheart. I really did. I almost did. Touching you like that, fuck. You letting me carry you back. Just sitting by the fire with you. It’s the best day I have had in a long ass time. Didn’t want it to end, but I knew you were exhausted. I wanted to tell you tonight, but things just didn’t work out. I figured it was probably for the best,” he confesses, his eyes never leaving yours. 

Your hand drops to his chest, the warmth of his skin evident through his t-shirt, “I wanted you to kiss me, Jake. I wanted your hands on me, everywhere. In fact, I never don’t want your hands on me,” you say, feeling his hand nervously slide up and over the curve of your waist. 

He listens to your words, disbelief and desire warring within him as he realizes you feel the same way he does. He swallows hard, his hand on your waist trembling slightly as he absorbs your words. He slides closer to you, his body now pressed snugly against yours under the covers. Your faces are so close that he can feel your breath on his cheek.

“Well fuck me, sweetheart,” he growls. His eyes rake over your features, taking in the way your pupils are dilating with desire, the flush on your cheeks and the way your breath hitches when he moves closer to you.

He’s never seen you look so beautiful, and the realization that he’s the cause of it makes his heart swell in his chest. “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he whispers, his voice barely louder than a breath. 

“Jake,” you beg. 

His heart clenches at the sound of you begging for him, the need in your voice nearly driving him mad with desire. He wants to hear you say his name again and again, to feel your body against his and your skin under his hands.

He leans closer to you, his breath warm against your neck as he speaks. “Say my name again, sweetheart,” he murmurs, his voice low and rough.

“Kiss me, Jake,” you plead, unable to wait a second longer. 

He doesn’t need to be told twice. At your words, he crashes his lips against yours in a desperate kiss, all of the tension and desire between you finally igniting in a blaze of passion.

His hands roam over your body, exploring all the curves he’s wanted to touch for so long. He kisses you deeply, his tongue teasing the seam of your lips, seeking entry into your mouth.

He shifts his body over yours, pinning you to the air mattress as he continues to kiss you hungrily. His hands slide up your body, fingers tangling in your hair as he holds your head in place, his tongue delving deeper into your mouth.

He moans lowly, the sound muffled as his body presses flush against yours under the covers. He can feel the heat radiating off of you, the sensation driving him mad with desire. 

Your hands snake around his waist, sliding beneath his shirt, and pulling it up and over his head. He lets out a sharp breath as he feels your hands on his skin, the feeling of your fingers against his bare flesh sending a shiver down his spine. He breaks the kiss for just a moment, pulling back just enough to let you yank the shirt over his head and toss it aside.

He takes a moment to admire your flushed cheeks and the way your eyes trail over his now bare torso. He grins at the hungry look in your eyes as you take in his muscular chest and stomach. 

“Don’t look at me like that sweetheart, it’ll get you into trouble.” he warns.

“I like trouble,” you say, drinking in the sight of him as he pins you to the air mattress. 

He laughs at your response, the sound deep and gravelly in his chest. “You would,” he says, a smirk playing on his lips. “I think that’s why I like you.”

He leans back down to capture your lips in another kiss, his bare chest now pressed against yours. He runs his hands up and down your sides, his fingers tracing the curve of your waist and the swell of your hips beneath your sweatpants.

As he kisses you, he slips his thigh between your legs, pressing his body even closer against yours. He runs his tongue along your jawbone, trailing kisses along your neck as he moves down to your throat.

He sucks lightly at your pulse point, nipping at the sensitive skin before soothing it with his tongue. His fingers reach for the hem of your t-shirt slowly dragging it up over your body.  “Take this off for me, dove,” he whispers.

You lift up, letting him drag the old, threadbare shirt over your chest. His eyes take in the sight of your bare skin in the low light of the tent. His breath stutters at the sight of your body, the way the light dances across your curves making his throat go dry.

He lets out a low moan as he looks at you, his hands roaming freely over your bare skin. “Goddamn,” he says, his voice thick with desire. “You’re gorgeous.”

His hands trace the curves of your breasts, sliding down over your waist and to the waistband of your sweatpants. His eyes lock onto yours as his hands move down your body, his touch searing against your skin. He teases at the waistband of your sweatpants, his fingers tracing soft circles against your hip bones.

He can feel the warmth of your body beneath his palm, the way your skin twitches in anticipation under his touch sending a jolt of desire through his body. “Can I take these off?” he whispers, his voice rough with need.

“Please,” you beg. 

He grins at your response, the sound of you begging awakening something primal in him. He slides his hands into the waistband of your sweatpants, his fingers brushing lightly against your skin as he slowly starts to pull them down your legs.

His eyes never leave your face as he exposes more and more of your body, his tongue darting out to wet his lips in anticipation. Once he's removed the offending article of clothing, he lets his gaze roam over your body once again. His eyes trail over your bare skin, taking in the way the light from the storm outside casts shadows over your curves. He reaches out, his hands tracing over your legs, his touch gentle and reverent.

He can feel the heat radiating from your core, the way your body responds to his touch making him ache with desire. He leans down, pressing kisses over your stomach and hips, his lips roaming over your skin like a man starved.

You can hardly stand it, the feel of his lips on your skin is making you feel insane, “Touch me, Jake,” you plead. 

He lets out a low groan at your words, the sound sending a shiver down his spine. He leans back, locking his eyes with yours as he reaches for your hips once again, gripping them firmly.

“I'll touch you, baby,” he whispers, his voice thick with desire. “As much as you want. Where do you want my hands, sweetheart?”

“Everywhere, Jake. I told you,” you beg. 

“That’s quite the request, darling,” he says, the sound of the air mattress echoing as he repositions himself as carefully as possible. Your hands tug at the waistband of his boxers, eliciting a laugh from his chest. 

“Impatient, baby?”

“I just want you, Jake.” you confess. 

“I want you too, sweetheart, you have no idea,” he whispers, his eyes locking with yours.

He pushes his boxers down, kicking them off somewhere in the tent as he moves back over you. He braces himself on his forearms, his body pressed flush against yours again as he looks down at you. You get a wicked gleam in your eye, hooking your leg around his, and twisting until you are over top of him, straddling his waist. 

He grins up at you, his eyes raking over your body. “Well I’ll be damned, look at you,” he says, a note of surprise and arousal in his voice.

You give him a proud smile, sitting happily on top of him, enjoying the view below. You can feel how wet you are as it coats your inner thighs, and you know he is privy to this as well as the light reflects from your thighs.  

“You look so damn good on top of me,” he says, his voice rough and low. “Like you belong there. It’s fuckin’ hot.”

“You’re fucking hot,” you counter, brushing the hair off of his face. 

He lets out a laugh at your words, a grin spreading across his face. “And so articulate too,” he teases, his grip on your hips tightening as he speaks. His hand moves towards your center, his thumb brushing lightly against your clit. 

“Jesus,” you whine, his touch sending you soaring. 

“Not here, love,” he smirks. 

You grind yourself against him, a moan falling from his lips, “What was that you were saying?” you ask playfully. 

“Oh shit,” he groans, his hands gripping your hips tighter as you continue to move against him. He opens his eyes, locking them with yours as he tries to compose himself. “Don’t tease me sweetheart, it’s unbecoming.” he says, his voice rough.

You lift up to your knees, hovering over him enough to grab his length in your fist. A hiss leaves his chest at your touch, his jaw falling open as his eyes lock on yours. You drag his tip through your wetness, his eyes growing impossibly darker at the sensation. 

“Fuck me,” he pants, “Listen, if we’re gonna do this, I want to go slow. I have fucking dreamed about this moment. That and if I fuck you how I want to fuck you, we will pop this air matress. That will be for another time.”

You nod as you slowly sink down over him, taking every inch he has to offer. “Another time, huh? What makes you think–”

He delivers a pointed thrust up into you, stealing the air from your lungs. 

“That. That’s what makes me think, sweetheart,” he answers, grabbing your hips and helping you start to move on top of him. 

“Fuck, Jake,” you whine, feeling him stretch you out so completely. So fully. 

He lets out a low growl at your words, the sound filled with desire and need. “Yeah?” he asks, his voice low and gruff.

His hands grip your hips even tighter as you move above him, his fingers digging into your skin as his body responds to your movements. “You feel so good, sweetheart, better than I imagined.” he groans, his eyes locked on yours.

You start to move your hips in a wave pattern, his length hitting you right where you need him. A cry leaves your chest as you toss your head back, feeling his hand move to support your lower back. The heat of the tent combined with the friction between you is making things even hotter, both of you growing sweaty and breathless as you move against each other.

He lets out a low moan, his hands moving up your body to grip your shoulders tightly. “Christ, baby, you’re a fucking dream,” he groans, his body arching up against yours as he snaps his hips up to meet yours. 

“Harder, Jake,” you plead. 

He lets out a sharp gasp as you say his name, his eyes darkening with desire. “Harder?” he asks, his voice thick and rough. “You want it harder, sweetheart?”

“Please, baby,” you whine.

He lets out a low growl at your plea, his hands tightening on your shoulders. “Yeah sweetheart, I got you.” he murmurs, his voice low and guttural. “Give you anything you want.”

You lean down letting him capture your lips in a passionate kiss, his tongue delving into your mouth as he pulls you closer against him. His hips buck upwards with more force now, his body moving against yours with increasing intensity. Your stomach is burning with need and you know it won’t be much longer until you burst into flames. 

“Don’t stop, baby, please,” you cry out, feeling your stomach growing hot. He lets out a muffled groan at your words, his hands gripping you tighter as he continues to fuck you. 

“God, you feel incredible,” he gasps, his mouth moving to your neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin. His hands move towards your ass, his fingers gripping into the supple flesh as he thrusts up into you. Your skin is slick with sweat and arousal, the lewd sounds filling the tent with the sound of the rain. He can hardly contain his moans now, matching your energy in the small tent.

“Sit up, I want to look at your tits while I fuck you,” he growls. 

You hear a hint of dominance fall from his lips and you can’t help but to obey. You sit up, straddling him again, as he leans up on his elbows to watch you. 

He lets out a guttural moan as you do as he asks, sitting up above him and giving him an even better view of your body. He runs his hand up your thigh, his eyes locked on your face.

“You like this?” you say, swirling your hips in a figure eight. 

“Yeah, sweetheart,” he growls, his hands gripping your hips tightly. “I like this a lot.” His hand moves to cup at your tits, bouncing as you continue to fuck him. “You’re so fucking wet for me, baby.”

“I always am,” you say, biting at your bottom lip as you try to stave off your orgasm. 

He smiles at your response, his hands still gripping your thighs. He leans up again, capturing your lips in another intense kiss, his tongue sliding against yours as he pulls you closer against him. He bites at your lower lip, his teeth grazing your skin softly. The feeling of his teeth on your skin pushes you over the edge, and you’re sure he can feel you tightening around him. 

“I’m close, baby,” you whine. 

"Yeah?" he asks, his voice thick with desire. "Gonna come for me, sweetheart?"

He slides his hand down between your bodies, his fingers finding the sensitive bundle of nerves and circling it slowly and insistently. “Come for me, baby,” he whispers, his mouth moving to your ear. “Come right on my cock, just like this.”

“Come with me, Jake,” you beg, feeling his lips connect to the side of your neck. 

He lets out a low groan at your words, his body shuddering as he nears the edge. “Yeah...yeah I'm there sweetheart, I’m right fucking there,” he gasps, his hands gripping you tightly as his body moves against yours. “Say you’re mine, baby.”

Just the thought of him wanting to claim you as his sends you over the edge, your body giving in to your orgasm as you fall apart on top of him. “I’m yours Jake. Yours.”

He lets out a deep, guttural moan at your words, his body shuddering as he loses himself in your arms. “That’s right sweetheart, you're fucking mine,” he gasps, his voice ragged. “Mine and no one else's.”

He holds you close as he comes, his body shaking and shuddering against yours. "Fuck," he groans, his grip on you tight as he rides out the waves of his own release, hot as it spills inside of you. 

“Jake, fuck,” you pant, finally coming down from what is probably the best orgasm of your life. 

“God you’re fucking sexy,” he pants, “Jesus Christ. Incredible, actually.”

“You’re incredible,” you smile, lifting up and off of him. His hands don’t leave you though, not wanting you to stray too far. 

He grins at your words, his arms tightening around you as he holds you close. “You give me too much credit, sweetheart,” he says, his voice gruff and spent. “We just fucked on an air mattress,” he laughs.

He leans back and looks at you, a satisfied smile on his face. “God, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that,” he admits, his eyes roving over your face.

“Probably as long as I have if I had to guess,” you smile. 

He lets out a low chuckle, a grin spreading across his face as he nods. “You'd be right about that,” he says, his fingers tracing idle patterns on your skin. “I've wanted you for a long time, sweetheart. Longer than I care to admit.”

“Well you have me now?” you say nervously.

His expression softens at your words, a smile spreading across his face. “Yeah, I do,” he says softly. He cups your face in his hand, his thumb tracing over your cheek. “And I'm not letting you go. You're mine now, sweetheart.”

“I think I always wanted to be,” you confess.

He grins at your words, a possessive glint in his eyes. “Yeah?”

You nod sweetly as you reach for your clothes, the chill returning to the tent. You hand him his shirt and his boxers, pulling his sweats and t-shirt back over your body. He watches as you dress yourself in his clothing, a satisfied smile on his face. 

“You look so fucking hot in my clothes, please never try to give them back,” he says, his eyes raking over you with a smile. 

You giggle and shake your head, watching him pull his own clothes on before crawling back onto the air mattress. You snuggle into his side, feeling his arms wrap around you. He pulls you closer against him, nuzzling his face into your damp hair, his breath hot against your neck.

He lets out a content sigh, his fingers tracing lazy circles on your skin as he holds you close. “I could get used to this,” he murmurs, his voice soft and sleepy.

“Oh, no, I thought you liked camping alone,” you tease with a giggle.

He laughs, his chest rumbling against your back. “Yeah yeah, shut up,” he says playfully, giving your side a squeeze. He snuggles into you more, burying his face in your neck and inhaling deeply. “Don't get used to me wanting your company,” he jokingly warns you.

“Oh yeah? Want me gone by morning?” you taunt, letting your fingers trace shapes into his stomach.

He grins against your skin, his arms tightening around you. “Oh, I don't know if I'll wait that long,” he teases back. He presses soft, gentle kisses along your neck and shoulder, his lips moving slowly over your skin. “I might just kick you out now.”

“Ahh, there you are. I was wondering where you went. You were being far too sweet.” you tease.

He laughs, pulling back to look at you. “Oh? You prefer me mean, is that it?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at you. He gives you a playful nudge, a teasing glint in his eyes. “I can be an ass if you want, sweetheart. It really is no problem.”

“No, no. I think I'll keep you just like this.” you say nuzzling under his chin. You listen to the steady beating of his heart, feeling your eyes grow tired. He runs his fingers through your hair, a soft, soothing gesture meant to lull you to sleep. He grins slightly as he feels your breathing begin to slow, knowing that you're on the verge of sleep. 

“Tired, sweetheart?” he asks quietly, his voice soft and low.

“I am now,” you whisper. 

He lets out a soft chuckle at your sleepy response, his arms still wrapped tightly around you. He plants a soft kiss on the top of your head, his fingers resuming their gentle caresses through your hair. 

“Then close your eyes,” he murmurs, his voice even quieter now. “I'll be here when you wake up.”

“Goodnight, Jake,” you breathe, slipping quickly. 

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he whispers, his voice low and soothing. He presses a soft kiss to your forehead, his fingers continuing to gently massage your scalp as he feels you slowly drift off to sleep.

—

You wake the next morning finding that the sun hasn't risen fully yet, and the air is chilly. You’re warm though, wrapped up in Jake beneath the sleeping bag.  He feels you stirring next to him, a smile spreading across his face as he feels you wake up. He's been lying awake for a little while now, just watching you sleep and enjoying the feeling of you in his arms.

“Good morning,” he murmurs, his voice low and rough with sleep. 

“Morning,” you answer, turning to look at his tired face.

He grins as you reply to him, his arms tightening around you. “Sleep well?” he asks, his fingers tracing idle patterns on your skin.

“So good. Did you?” you ask with a sleepy yawn.

He chuckles softly, his chest rumbling against your back. “Yeah, I slept great,” he replies, his voice still rough and gravelly. He shifts slightly, pulling you closer against him and nuzzling his face into your hair. “Best night's sleep I've had in a long time.”

You smile as you roll into him, placing a kiss on his warm chest.

He lets out a low groan at your kiss, his body shuddering slightly as he feels your lips on his skin. “Careful, sweetheart. You keep doing things like that and we'll never get out of this tent.”

“I’m kinda sad that we have to leave today,” you say, tilting your head up to meet his eyes. 

He smiles down at you, his eyes soft and tender. “Yeah, me too,” he admits, his hand coming up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “It's been nice having you all to myself. Don't want to share you with the rest of the world, now.”

You giggle against his chest, a warmth washing over you as you feel his fingers moving lazily against your skin, “Ugh, the rest of the world, don’t remind me…”

“Actually, speaking of, Josh texted me,” he says, a chuckle leaving his chest. 

“Did he?”

“Yeah, said he hoped we hadn’t killed each other because neither of them had heard from us since they left,” he smiles, pulling you tight against him. 

You gasp, realizing he’s right, “Shit, I– I totally forgot about them.”

He laughs, his chest rumbling beneath you, “Yeah, I did too. I guess we were just– a little preoccupied,” he grins. 

“Do we tell them?” you ask nervously. 

He considers it for a moment, a thoughtful expression on his face, “I mean, yeah, we probably should,” he pauses, “They don’t need the details, but I think they should know.”

“Won’t Josh be mad?” you ask, scared of his answer. 

He laughs at your question. “Yeah, absolutely he will. He'll give me one of his long winded lectures about being nice to you and treating you right. Make some threats about what he'll do if I hurt you. You know, the usual.” 

You nudge him with your elbow, “Maybe that isn’t a half bad idea,” you tease.

He laughs, feigning offense. “Hey now, don't side with him,” he says, giving you a playful nudge in return. He pulls you closer against him, his arms wrapping around you tightly. “But seriously, I don't think Josh will be too surprised. I think he's always known something was bound to happen between the two of us whether he wanted it to or not.”

“I’m glad it finally did.”

He grins, his eyes locking on yours. “Me too, sweetheart.” He pulls you closer, his body enveloping yours as he holds you tightly against him. “I just wish we had more time alone together,” he says, his voice suddenly serious.

“What do you mean?” you ask. 

“I mean, once we leave here it’s going to be different, you know? We’ll have the band, tour, media, friends, all of it. I just– I know it’s a lot to deal with. You’ve been around Josh and Clara, you know how it can be. I just– I want you around, but I don’t want that to scare you away.”

You smirk at him, “It’s not going to scare me away, Jake. I just want you to be really sure this is something you want to get into right now.”

He looks into your eyes, his expression serious. “I’m sure,” he says firmly. “I know it’s not going to be easy. I know there will be challenges. But I’m sure about you. About us.” He takes your face in his hands, his palms cupping your cheeks. “You’re all I want. Nothing else matters.”

You nod your head in his hand, pressing a kiss to his palm, “Okay, then I’m in if you are.”

His eyes soften as you kiss his palm, a smile spreading across his face. “I'm more than in,” he says, his voice low and gruff. “I don't want you to ever doubt that. I'm yours, sweetheart.” He pulls you closer, wrapping his arms around you tightly and holding you against him. “And I plan on showing you just how much I want you, every single day.”

“Well, everyday until tour starts back up, right?” you tease playfully. 

He laughs, shaking his head at your taunting, “Yeah, alright, smartass,” he grins, giving you a playful pinch on the side. He rolls over on top of you, his body pressing you down into the air mattress as he looks down at you with a smirk. “Don't worry, I'll make up for the lost time.”

“Oh, tempting…Maybe on a real bed? Not an air mattress?” you smirk. 

He chuckles, his eyes raking over your body, "Is this your way of asking me to take you home with me, sweetheart?" he grins.

“Unless you’d like a redo on my twin size,” you quip.

“Baby, have you ever been on a tour bus?” he giggles, pressing kisses to your neck.

You shake your head, laughing as his fingers tickle into your ribs, “No.”

“Mmm, you’re in for a real treat.” He grins down at you, his eyes glinting with desire. "Yeah, I think a real bed sounds like a good idea. And a real shower."

“A shower…” you breathe, the idea sounding desperately appealing. 

He laughs, noticing the way you react to the idea. “Yeah baby, a shower. A big, hot shower with actual water pressure. And a nice bed with sheets and blankets and the best feather pillows you’ve ever laid your head on.”

“Mhmm, maybe we should pack up now and get there immediately,” you giggle. 

“We should.” He presses his lips to yours again, warm as they linger there, “To be continued,” he says, pushing up off of the air mattress and stepping out into the sun. 

You spend the rest of the morning packing up the campsite, tearing down your tents and loading them into his car, sneaking glances at each other every few minutes. Jake works to organize everything into the small trunk, with the addition of your tent and Josh and Clara’s. You drain the cooler as he closes the trunk, dusting his hands off on his pants. “You ready, sweetheart?”

“Yep! Just this and we are all set,” you shout. 

He walks over to you, grabbing the cooler and walking it back to his car with you in tow. He opens the passenger side door for you, gesturing you inside, before joining you on the other side. 

“You know, I really am kind of sad to leave,” you laugh, “I never thought I would be saying that, but–”

“It’s a magical place,” he smiles, “S’why I come here so much.”

“Maybe we can come back?” you ask, tilting your head against the headrest. 

“Oh definitely,” he answers, “Whenever you want, sweetheart.” His hand comes to rest on your knee, his thumb stroking against your skin as he navigates the car out of the woods and back towards the road. You give him a warm smile, feeling the air conditioner bring chills to your skin. 

“Hey, I was um, I was serious about you coming home with me,” he says, taking his eyes off of the road to meet yours in a quick glance. 

“Oh, I mean, I would like that. If you’re really sure,” you answer nervously. 

He gives your thigh a gentle squeeze, a smile coming to his lips, “I’m really sure. I want to be with you as much as I can before I leave. Want you in my bed, my shower, the whole house really. All of it. I just want you.”

You blush, his words sending a shockwave through your system, “Okay.”

He grins widely, “Good.” He squeezes your thigh, his palm hot against your skin. “Should be home pretty quick, now.” 

“It is Sunday funday, right?” you giggle. “But, I guess that's kinda everyday for you, isn’t it?”

“Very funny,” he taunts, his expression growing serious, “But yes. It is,” he answers, grabbing your attention as you turn to look at him. He sends you a playful wink as he pats your thigh, letting out a deep breath that almost seemed like he was relieved. 

“Let me make you dinner tonight,” he says, keeping his stare focused on the overgrown highway. “Real dinner.”

“Oh, real dinner, huh?” you tease, placing your hand over top of his. “I feel like I vaguely remember hearing about you being a good cook, but I can’t remember for sure.”

He laughs, “What else have you heard about me, baby?”

Just as you go to answer his phone rings through the car speakers. You can see on the display that it is Josh calling him, and he glances to you before accepting the call. 

“What’s up?” he asks. 

“Dude, are you two alive? What the fuck is going on?” he asks, a tone of sarcasm in his voice. 

“Yeah we are alive. You know there’s no reception out there. Kinda the reason I go,” he says, hoping to jog his memory. 

“So you didn’t kill each other, that’s great news.” Josh says, and you can hear Clara laughing in the background.

Jake looks over at you, his eyes silently begging the question of if he should break the news to him. You take a minute to consider the risks but decide there really aren’t any. You nod eagerly at Jake, watching as he nods back in understanding. 

“Hey, uh, you two busy tonight?” he asks, his one hand gripping the steering wheel. 

“Not that I know of, why?” he answers. 

“Well, we are just now on our way back. Need to unload, shower, all that. How about you guys come over for dinner tonight? I’m cooking,” he says. You can sense the nerves in his tone, his face serious as he waits for Josh’s reply. 

“Um, yeah yeah that should be…good. You said we… Is… there a we?” he asks, his voice a little quieter. 

“Just come over tonight. Both of you. Just got some things to tell you,” he says, a smile pulling across his lips. 

A huff leaves his lips, “Things to tell me?”

“Hi Josh!” you say, speaking up on the call. 

“Holy shit, hey Y/N,” Josh answers, a hint of bewilderment in his voice. 

“See you tonight?” you ask, hearing him gasp in shock. You can hear him pull the phone away from his ear, doing his best to cover the microphone with his hand, “Holy fuck, Clara you were right. It happened,” he says in a mumbled mess. You know he did not intend for either of you to hear it, but you did.

“Josh?” Jake says, pulling him back to the call. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, clearing his throat, “Sorry, yeah– we will definitely be there.”

“See you tonight, Josh?” you ask, lacing your fingers with Jake’s, feeling his warm hand in yours. He leans over and kisses your cheek before settling back in his seat.

You listen to Josh laugh through the speakers, sighing as he speaks, “Yeah, I guess I will see you tonight.”

.

.

.

.

.

.

xo, N

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[thementalshawty]

PAC Who Is Your FS? Pt.1

Hey I am back with another PAC but I’m going to do something a little different this time. I will be doing 6 piles but they will be in a 2 parter because I want the energy of the 6 to be separated. So at the end of the day you can read this one and get the gist and the sec on part is confirmation or even extra information, the others can and will find their answers in one of the piles in either part one or two. This is a general reading so with that you know the deal, take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. So Picc an Emoji and let’s begin now.

Disclaimer: Tarot is not final but is a mere suggestion, don’t you depend on the opinion or suggestions of anyone to make your own decisions and judgement calls.

P1: 🍩

P2: 🍉

P3: 🥘

🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩

FS 1:

Animal that represents your FS: Crow Spirit. I feel like your FS off top is taboo, well for some of you here I’m hearing witches and warlocks as spouses in this pile, or maybe some of you are? Something about counting crows idk if they do that but I know that they definitely associate with crows in some way? They Cocreate with their spirit guides whether it’s aware to them or not. I told you some of them are witches and warlocks or are very powerful manifesters. They’re hella creative and they may have a Loud yell or call. They may have bird like features some of them. Something in them is Sharp? Like a sharp nose or a sharp stare??? Numbers: 1,7,8 & 17 may have some importance

Auset describing Your FS: Hapi Water Spirit. Numbers 1,3,4 and 13 could be of importance. I feel for some of you, your FS are water signs, mainly Scorpio and Pisces. They’re the type of person that needs to work energetically and with thought before making any moves. They’re definitely a planner and I’m hearing analyzer. This person wants nooooooo fuck ups! NONE HONEY!!! Baboons may have something to do with them too?? They need to visualize the moves for themselves before they do it. I’m telling you this is my alchemical pile right here, very very magical spouses, maybe you guys delve in magic too or should try it. If not you definitely them!

Describing Your FS (Oracle): Here & Now. Numbers 3,2,5 & 32 could have some significance. Some of your spouses are 32, I heard that not all but for some. They are not one to worry about the future or worry about the past, I heard they gotta plan for that already, they are just worried about executing the plan for today. They’re a very live in the moment and present kind of people. I see that they’re the type of person to get caught up sometimes and forget that though, cos being the planner that they are they do have worries about the future I feel in the past they weren’t as prepared and that shit caused them so much struggle and so from that day they wanna be prepared. This is a person who has plan b-Z if A doesn’t work. They are always present though, even when they worry about the future or the past they manage to always bring themselves back to the present cos they don’t wanna miss a thing. (Ha now I’m hearing that song by Aerosmith).

Your FS (Tarot): 9oPentacles, 6oSwords,Justice. You already know numbers 9,6,11,& 2 may have some importance to them. I feel that your FS are very accomplished, I feel it’s fairly new, they just acquired their success and blessings, they worked their goddamn asses for it! They aren’t a lazy person, they hate procrastinating but I feel they may do it sometimes which is why I feel they worked their asses off to get where and what they needed and it’s finally starting to pay off for them, matter of fact every single one of these cards sort of represent that, instead of telling me who they are it’s almost telling me what they’re going through, or what they’ve been going through and I think it’s because it’s a transformative time for them, they will be ascending and a lot of things that could describe them may be falling off so maybe your guides don’t want to fully share their personality because they’re experiencing their own experiences that’s showing them who they really are. I feel like they may like birds, crows, hawks Ravens etc. spiritually and materially they have just been blessed and they are enjoying every minute of it! They’re not missing a single second for the world! They have gone through way too much shit for them to not be anything other than present for this. They are FINALLY coming out of a dark place in their lives, they were in some drama mama! Some straight up chaos and that shit was so unhealthy it began to shut them down I’m hearing for some the others sort of just reacted angrily and it was so toxic they became spiritually and physically sick. I feel that they got some help to come in, and they were helped out by someone who moved them away from their toxic environment. I feel your FS are like that and I feel it’s cos they are compassionate, they know and understand struggle and they hate to see it. They could be a Libra due to the justice card of have Libra placements. They are the mediators of their group, I don’t see them having many friends, a selective few maybe some acquaintances that they laugh and joke around with but other than that nobody really close to them, I’m getting Lone Wolf and ranger type of vibes from this pile. They are someone who’s going to stand up for what they feel is true and fair and equal! They cherish and crave mutuality, if it’s imbalanced they not a fan. They honor equality and respect for all! They see everyone the same they don’t do favoritism and hatred towards anyone. They suffered. Some of your FS are Black, White, Some Asian/Korean/ Hispanic even too. I feel especially if you’re looking for women those ethnic backgrounds apply. Your FS has an ugly side tho, when unfairness or anything they feel is wrong or unjust comes out they are unmerciful. They can be ruthless if needed. Long hair for some, curly fros for others, black and brown hair colors I’m seeing. Gentleman and gentlewomen. Very soft but sharp features. True knights. Diplomatic and tactful, Hella charming. Playboys and women, they know how to bag a person! They’re very good looking, handsome, stunning, I’m even seeing gorgeous to some of you. It’s a very classy kind of beauty. Innocent and beautiful. They are quick to help out anyone they feel needs them and they’re not the type to swoop in and save the day assuming that needs to happen, they will always approach and ask “you need some help?” “Can I help you?” Perfect customer service representative honestly. They’re very sweet and kindhearted. Great smiles. They may be gardeners some of them, they like organic shit, they may not eat meat, or anything that has chemicals and toxic ingredients in food. They are very sensitive about what they put into their bodies. Smokers for some? (Weed not cigarettes or anything else). This person is a catch, a true victorious winner and they will treat you amazingly. Earth and Air placements especially Libra and Taurus! This person is Venus personified! Congrats! They’re hella seductive! I’m trying to find something bad on them honestly but it’s not working. They just fuccin rocc! Acts of Service is their love language.

I feel that. Congrats p1 you deserve it.

🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉

FS II

Animal that represents your FS: Bee Spirit. So I’m seeing that 7 could have some significance, as well as the colors Yellow and Black, which leads me to think that some of your FS are mixed races. They’re very hardworking and some of them are the queen bees lol. They have been striving towards something and sweet results are about to roll in for them. I feel like they’re very goal oriented, tunnel vision. This is my workaholic pile I feel, they are workhorses some of them, others are spoiled by others. They have stingers but only use them if they absolutely must. They work like a well oiled machine, no rest. They are around the clock nonstop movers and shakers and they’re about to be rewarded if they aren’t already.

Auset Describing Your FS: Set. Numbers 3,7, 10, 1 & 37 could have some importance to your FS. Set is the god of chaos and war, dirt and sandstorms. I feel your FS have dealt with a lot of challenges and they have some negative traits that you will not like, I’m getting Aries vibes from this. The color red is coming to my head, something about rage. They may have anger issues, they are a jealous person. Some of your FS are bitter from all the challenges they went through, life gave them shit and they kind of internalized it and became dreadful, survival mode on lock, they are so paranoid, they may have or had beef with a sibling. They could have jealous family members. Some of them could have just been dealing with some shit. They can be the youngest sibling or the issue is with the younger sibling. People are intimidated by them. Their demeanor is don’t fucc with me and people heed that shit. They could be 37 some of them, or 10 years older or younger than some of you? They’ve seen some ugly shit in their lives in love, family, career etc. I’m seeing drug addiction for either them or someone they loved and they dealt with that shit. This person is strong but it tainted them in the process I feel.

Describing Your FS (Oracle): Treasure Island. The number 9 could be of some importance to your FS. I feel like they’re the type to see the beauty in things others may not. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, they may have that mindset. They’re beginning to see the results of their own actions, they’ve been moving slow towards this goal that they’re about to receive. This person is a treasure and you’ll definitely see them that way! Great at manifesting, they’re right now working with the law of attraction. They just received a financial windfall from out of nowhere to them. They’re very abundant right now or they’re definitely about to be.

Your FS (Tarot): The Empress, 3oSwordsRx, & The HermitRx. I see that the number 3, 9, & 7 are frequent in this reading so I feel like those numbers in particular are very important to your FS. They can be a Virgo or a Pisces. They’re very intelligent and intuitive. Your FS is beautiful you’ll be blown away by their beauty. Especially if it’s a woman too! They can have braids or locs some of them. They’re very sweet and loving, nurturing and parental. They could have kids. They may love moon bathing some of them, or they should. They are of the world; hella creative and open to whatever the universe/god is bringing them. They are always coming up with new ideas and projects they are the type of people to have plenty of hobbies, a jack of all trades. They are very blended in their energies, and elements. I feel whatever they went through shaped them and helped them become whole but I just think that they can’t see it. They are the type to not know the magnitude of how much they rule!! They may shit on themselves heavily! They are the type to be there for everyone except themselves. They put themselves on the backburner. They are so amazing but they are the type to wallow in their pain and own ignorance. They don’t want to face what happened to them or they don’t want to take accountability for their part in it, so maybe they had an outburst but they will always come up with excuses for it. They are jaded over this pain, I feel it makes so much impact with how they live, move and make decisions. They are so strong but they are so blinded by this pain or by this anger, they really see nothing but that. It overpowers everything that they are and do. They need to do some shadow work. They procrastinate when it comes to it, they may avoid those feelings because they don’t want to relive that hurt but what they don’t realize is that they’re replaying this pain on a loop subliminally in their minds so they’re technically always reliving that pain! That’s why they’re so jaded, it’s like getting sick of a song but you’re leaving it on replay. They need to get out of their head. They’re in isolation, this person I feel has little to absolutely no friends. They were in some kind of abusive relationship. I don’t really wanna get into that. If they don’t have kids, they’re very fertile!! They barely go out, a homebody and I feel to a scary point and I don’t wanna get deeper into that cos it’s reminding me of myself and what I am having to break out of and baby that shit is no joke and putting that business on here without knowing them personally is just fucked up so I won’t. They have been through some shit but they are beautiful person, their heart is being pulled in so many directions and it’s so hard for them to catch a break and they are dealing with it in a toxic way for them and they need to face their demons. I feel they just need someone to talk too, but I have a feeling this person is locked tighter than a bank vault after a robbery. They aren’t into letting anyone see them, not even themselves, Ugh my heart goes out to them. Words of affirmation I feel is their love language. Fear avoidant attachment style, they’re Virgo like, the highs and lows of the sign honestly, I feel like some are Pisces and some are Virgos. Very feminine energy. They want love but they’re afraid of rejection and getting hurt cos that’s all they know, so they’re afraid to dream bigger and want better for themselves.

🥘🥘🥘🥘🥘🥘🥘🥘🥘🥘🥘

FS III

Animal that represents your FS: Pig Spirit🐽: The numbers 4,7,11,2,& 47 may have some importance. This is the kind of person who is quick on their feet, they give me air energy. They’re very intelligent. They’re not a messy person even tho they have messy moments. They’re fun loving and just want to enjoy themselves while they’re still on this earth. Happy go lucky type of people. They believe that pigs can fly, they dream big but they’re not delusional they understand the concept between reality and fantasy but they have a great imagination and they have big goals and aspirations for themselves. They wanna own the moon one day. They wanna fly the highest they can possibly get. They live on cloud 9!

Auset Describing your FS: Anubis. 3. He’s one of my guides!!!! I love Anubis he’s amazing! Your FS is such a great person! They’re very wise and give amazing advice. They take care of everyone, no favoritism with them, they treat everyone fairly, they judge by action, they feel like your hearts intention is based on how you move. You can protect on them to guide you whenever you need it, anyone who needs help, they are the one to call. So reliable and trustworthy, they may have a lot of people depend on them. Helping them transition from one state to the next. They can even be a therapist some of them, or the dr Phil/oprah of their group. They stand up for what they believe in and who they believe in. They’re a great protector. You will feel so safe, they feel like everyone should feel that way, “has the RIGHT to feel safe.” I heard that. Guard dog lover, they aren’t jealous but they won’t let just anyone get near you. They could’ve been abandoned by their parents (maternal esp if you’re looking for guy). They believe in healing of the soul by living out their passions. They believe that freedom to be yourselves is the best medicine. They want to get to know people for who they are at a soul core level. I feel they have GREAT FRIENDS. Certain LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 energy here, they created their own family! They love caring for others, they feel it’s part of their purpose, some nurses and doctors here. Therapist just doctors or medicators of some kind.

Describing your FS (oracle): A Leg Up. 3,4,7, & 34 could have some significance to your FS. They can be 34 some of them. I feel like they are the type of person to definitely lift others up, they aren’t selfish or greedy about shit, they will share their plate, cos they’re confident in their position. They themselves have received leg ups in life from people and they’re just passing on that energy. They’re not a jealous person at all they’re about progression. Sagittarius energy HEAVY! Sag and Aqua energy HEAVY! They’re very free loving. They’re very authoritative and they know how to delegate, they know how to both give and receive help. They’re not hyper independent they believe in teamwork! I love your FS! They’re my favorite! Shhhhhh don’t tell!

Describing your FS (Tarot): PageoSwords, 6oWands,& Judgement. They’re hella inquisitive and always asking about everything, they love to learn, very Gemini energy. They love to gossip with their friends, I also think that they’re the topic of gossip. Reading is everything to them. You’ll always catch their face in a book. Great conversationalist. Young at heart. Playful. They know how to multitask and juggle many things at a time. Their mind is always racing and they can’t turn it off. They’re a student of the world! They want to learn everything. The type who’s learning how to speak different languages. 6,2,& 20 may have some importance to them, some of your FS in this pile is 20. Some of you????? If that’s the case this is confirmation that you chose the right pile! I am seeing that your FS for some 2-3 maybe are celebrities like well known celebrities! No K-pop I don’t sense that here but I’m seeing some notoriety and some household names being here. The rest your FS is known in their field. Wildly successful and part of that has to do with their success story, how they came up and what they went through their hustle to mask it out of the “hood” or bad circumstances so to speak, they have brown hair, long, wavy, curly and straight, it varies I’m seeing. They are hella influential and inspirational to a lot of people, they’re extremely popular. An important person I’m hearing VIP. The it boy/girl. Everyone wants them, everyone wants to be them. They’re not cocky though, they’re all smiles and laughs, very joyous, I’m hearing for the celebrities, once you meet them and get to know them a little you’ll understand why they got fame. They’re so fun to be around. Fun and bubbly personality. They have loud voice. They’re very in demand. They know how to control a room. How to perform. They’re hella entertaining and I think they’re funny cos I’m feeling the urge to laugh and giggle. They may laugh a lot or giggle. You will find that cute. They’re not all about themselves, I see confidence but I also see that they’re a bit insecure too. They dress nice. They dress and look expensive. This is my glam and glitzy but humble pile. They’re such a fuccin joy. And they’re themselves regardless of what’s happening or who’s around. They are the essence of them and that shit is untouchable. They feel like people should see who they are, to love them and experience them to a full extent. They do enjoy the spotlight on them but I’m hearing they deserve it. They’re so litty. They remind me of me! I’m still feeling giggly and giddy, I feel this is how people feel around them (especially them celebs.). They are accepting too, they don’t judge, they’ve faced a lot of backlash and judgement from being who they are so this is the smack in their faces to your FS, their whole image can be about fuck society and their standards etc. I’m getting rocker energy from this pile so some of them can be famous rockers? I was getting the older numbers like 47, so some of you may have a FS in their 40’s, so what??? You’re all over 18 & you will know this person is your person, I feel this connection between you guys is that of a spiritual one. You can feel their spirit, it’s strong! Their presence is very powerful! This person is electric and everyone loves them! Nothing bad to say about this pile! Not really!

Alrighty my dearies! That’s it for part one of who’s your FS! Thank you for taking this ride with me and stay tuned for good ole part two coming soon!

Hope you have clarity!

Now Spread Love and Light!

EeeP Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 👋🏽

Heka 🕊️🏆

[nicromancytarot]

WILL YOU DATE YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH?

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings.

PICK A PILE CHANNELING

I asked my spirit guides if you would ever stumble across the opportunity of dating your celebrity crush, pick a pile to find out what they had to say!!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

Pile 4 ———> Pile 5 ———> Pile 6

Pile 7 ———> Pile 8 ———> Pile 9

DISCLAIMER: This is purely for fun and entertainment, this is based on where you are now in your life, as free will can affect your path. This is not to fuel anyone’s parasocial behaviour.

PILE 1

3 of swords, 6 of cups, 4 of wands, judgement, 6 of pentacles, the magician

Yes!

I do see this being a possibility of an opportunity which will come up for you. With the 3 of swords I see this celebrity coming into your life more prominently after a heartbreak, something I believe will be you having experienced. The 6 of cups gives me the thought that your celebrity crush will be the person to help build you back up again, and help you become the person you were before. The 4 of wands is marriage dude, you guys have a high possibility of not only dating, but also marrying your desired celebrity.

Your relationship seems to be one that you have prayed or manifested for, the universe listened to you. Honestly you might have tried to manifest someone with the characteristics, and appearance of your celebrity crush, but the universe was just kind of like “fuck it, let’s just give them the real deal.”

PILE 2

The knight of wands reversed, page of pentacles, queen of cups, queen of wands, ace of pentacles, 7 of swords

Yes!

I see this being something you will have the opportunity to experience. With the knight of wands reversed, I would say in order to be with your celebrity crush, you would have to release an ex of yours, it’s as if you have a choice to either try something new, or stick with the old.

This ex of yours may have caused you a lot of drama and trouble in the past, your celebrity crush is the opposite, with the page of pentacles, and the queen of cups, I can see that they offer you stability in all forms, unlike the ex of yours.

I do see that this relationship won’t be all you would expect it to be, not in a bad way, but your celebrity doesn’t seem as though they are their real self when they are posing for cameras or talking to their fans, it’s nothing bad, they are just a lot different than what you expected.

However, I do think this will be a long term relationship, and you will feel very comfortable with them, as they shall with you.

PILE 3

The lovers reversed, the knight of pentacles in reversed, 6 of swords, ace of pentacles, the king of wands, the wheel of fortune

No.

I unfortunately do not see this as something you will have the opportunity of experiencing, I see there will already be someone in your life by the time you even could possibly have the opportunity, I’m feeling a lot of young Pedro Pescal fans here. This other person in your love life is being described as your person, your soulmate, your future spouse. You will not want this celebrity by the time you have this person.

With the knight of pentacles in reverse, and the 6 of swords, I do not think you have the patience to wait until you are old enough to be with this person, and therefore your path will be diverted to meet your own person.

PILE 4

7 of wands, the high priestess, the page of wands, 6 of wands, death, the star

Yes!

I do see this being an opportunity that you will have the privilege of experiencing. With the seven of wands, I do feel as though you will have to work to get it however, same goes with the high priestess, you may even manifest this person, intentionally or unintentionally.

With the death and the star, I do see that you will be mentally transformed into a different person when in this relationship, your celebrity may be older or more mature than you, they will help you be more wise like them lmao.

PILE 5

The chariot, the page of wands, the ace of wands, the star, the knight of pentacles, the queen of cups

No.

I do not see you having the opportunity of experiencing dating your celebrity crush. With the chariot and page of wands, I honestly think you’ll be too busy doing other things by the time that your able to meet this person. With the page of wands, it’s like you’re creating something else, building a relationship, perhaps career by this point. The ace of wands shows me a quick moving on, so honestly you may even be over this celebrity in a few months-years.

The star, again with self improvement, this person really won’t be that important in your life soon. They could get cancelled or something, turn out to be a bad person, and therefore dating them won’t really align with your beliefs.

PILE 6

10 pentacles, 9 wands, 5 swords reversed, 5 wands, the world, the knight of cups

Yes!

I do see the ability of you receiving the opportunity to date your celebrity crush. With the 10 of pentacles, I can see you honestly might meet this person, feeling a sense of excitement, but not much expectation, perhaps they will ask for your number, or they will initiate more of a conversation with you. You’ll go home to you family and friends, telling them about this crazy experience.

I see they will be quick to contact you again, with the 9 of wands, and the 5 of swords reversed, I can tell that they might be wanting to let you know how serious they are about pursuing you, which is why they contact you so quickly.

With the knight of cups, they will most likely be the one to actually ask you to be in a relationship with them, they will be the one to initiate the commitment, showing you once again how serious they are to make this a long term thing. With the world I notice that this relationship, and the attention alone from your celebrity crush, will be making you have a lot more self love, and it will help you if you have suffered from self doubt and self hatred in the past.

PILE 7

Death reversed, the queen of cups reversed, 8 of swords, the sun, the ace of cups, the wheel of fortune

No.

I unfortunately don’t see you having the opportunity to be in a relationship with your celebrity crush. With death in reverse, along with the queen of cups also in reverse, it seems that you may still be a fan of this person by the time you perhaps meet them, or are old enough to date them. Being a fan of this person at that time would not offer you any stability in your relationship, and the power dynamic would be very evident.

The 8 of swords is showing me that this relationship would make either of you feel very isolated, almost like they have to be careful around you since you’re a fan, or you put them on a pedestal since they’re your idol.

The sun, the ace of cups, and the wheel of fortune are telling me that you will achieve everything you desire, other than dating this person of course. I see that this person can totally help you mentally in the way that you approach relationships, they may even offer you advice, or tips, in a non parasocial way, as I do not believe you will ever know this person on a personal level.

PILE 8

9 of pentacles, 2 of wands reversed, 6 of cups, the queen of wands, 7 of swords, the knight of pentacles

Yes!

I do see this being an opportunity for you to be able to experience. With the 9 of pentacles, it definitely seems like a very flourishing relationship, one filled with a lot of happiness, and abundance in all forms.

I do unfortunately with the 2 of wands in reverse believe that this may be a short lived relationship, it will certainly feel worth it’s time, and such an incredible thing for both parties to have experienced, however I do not think it will last long.

With the 6 of cups in contrast with the 7 of swords, I do think this will be a connection which will help you see your own worth, deal with past trauma and betrayal, perhaps even teaching both you want in relationships. It will be one of those things that you always look back on and think about with a smile, however I don’t imagine it will last forever.

PILE 9

Strength, the tower, the queen of swords, the hierophant, 4 of cups, the chariot

Yes!

I do see you facing this possibility in the future. This is an odd pile, an interesting one, but certainly something different. I think you will be working within the same space as this person by the time you meet, or you will know people who work with them, creating some mutual friend group.

I think with the strength card, and the tower, you will honestly be trying to act normal around this person, trying your hardest not to make it clear that you used to be a fan of them, or even that you are currently still a fan of them.

I notice that they may pick up on your nervous energy, they seem like a picky person with the 4 of cups, so they may like that you’re not paying much mind to them, they’re very used to people jumping all over them, so your celebrity certainly respects your distance from them, although they feel like that creates a challenge for them to conquer.

This will be very unexpected for you, you may even think you’re dreaming when it happens, however I see this being a long-lived connection, one of many abundances and dreams to be fulfilled.

I’m also picking up that they may think it’s comical that you were such a big fan of them, but they really, really like it.

[nayatarot777]

Is There Anyone Who You Need To Be Wary Of Right Now?

• Pile One •

This person could be an Earth sign feminine - Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn. If not then they’re someone who enjoys physical comforts and luxuries. This doesn’t have to mean that they’re wealthy, but they may just prioritise money and materialism. This could even be a boss of a company. This person is very rash with the way that they communicate. They don’t think before they speak. They also communicate in a very immature and childish way. Their actions could also be very rash too. I am picking up on a major immaturity from this person though. They’re highly unawakened. This could be linked to how they’re highly materialistic or how they worship money more than anything else, but I’m seeing that they’re highly unawakened in general. They’re not self aware, they’re not aware or understanding of experiences and lifestyles outside of their own. They’re highly judgemental - but this is because they’re highly judgemental towards themselves. This is giving ‘insecure ass person who puts themselves up on a pedestal to cover up their insecurities’.

You need to be wary of this person because you’re trying to gain control over your life. You’re trying to direct your life to the place that you want it to be, but I’m seeing this person trying to cause you pain as a way of putting up blocks in your path. You’re being represented in this reading as the Page of Pentacles - someone who’s learning how to build some type of stability for themselves - and this person is trying to get in the way of this. They’re triggered by any self-stability that you have. Their insensitive way of speaking is the way that they try to hurt you. They know exactly what they’re doing as this is a conscious decision. I’m also seeing that this person could’ve already brought you pain - perhaps triggered some traumas out of you - and they’re trying to control the narrative behind your back. This person is a bit strange too as they don’t want to acknowledge what you’re building for yourself. Whatever money or stability you’re accumulating, they’re not wanting to see it.

Patreon

• Pile Two •

This person is either highly religious or just a major conformist. They could be a preacher or the equivalent to one - someone who likes to preach their own beliefs. They stay in line within society’s expectations of them and they don’t budge. This person could also be a married person. I’m seeing this person watching you and trying to learn things about you while you’re in a dark time mentally. While you’re experiencing fears, anxieties, and kind of stuck in a self-imposed mental prison. This is either a past or present energy. You were protecting yourself from this person, or just keeping yourself away from the external world as you didn’t feel prepared nor stable enough to deal with the judgements or expectations of others. This person could’ve definitely sent you judgements and tried to mask this as “religious help” or “religious teachings”.

The reason why you need to be wary of this person is because this person is highly argumentative and combative. They try to fight people about their beliefs or way of living if those things don’t align with theirs. This person tried (or is trying) to emotionally confuse you, away from something that holds a lot of abundance or positive energy for you. I don’t like this energy at all. It’s like they want to try to brainwash you into following the path that they want you to take and they’re willing to make you feel like you’re confused or lost as a way of doing this. This person is fucking disgusting considering they’ve literally watched you go through a mentally challenging time already. They’re seeing you in this state and deciding that you’re vulnerable enough for them to manipulate and force their own personal beliefs and expectations onto. Very predatory energy - especially if this person is religious in some way.

Patreon

• Pile Three •

I’m not seeing anyone who you need to be wary of currently, Pile Three. At most, you need to be wary about what you’re exposing yourself to online - especially if you’re consuming things that make you feel angry or anxious. You’re nobody’s saviour apart from your own and you’re not responsible for trying to save the world. It’s not normal (or healthy) for human beings to be bombarded with human tragedies and everything wrong about the world all of the time. Apart from that, I’m seeing that you’re part of the group of people who’ve been really isolating yourself and entering contemplation. You seem to be the victor of battles that other people have tried to cause for you and now you’re highly defensive. It doesn’t seem like anyone can really come into your space/energy and negatively affect you.

Again, there’s a need to detach yourself emotionally from the internet in general for a little bit. Some of you may be physically alone and away from others but you’re filling your time with online activities. If you’re not part of the group of people in this pile who are already being introspective, there’s a need for you to detach yourself from the outside/online world and sit in silence for a period of time. There’s some type of mental awakening that you’ll have about your personal beliefs and morals. These things may be swayed or blocked from realising by what you’re consuming online. There’s a need to figure out personally what you’d like to focus on and direct a lot of energy into for your PERSONAL life. Try not to be so distracted by everyone else’s life - especially people who you don’t even know personally. If you’re feeling mentally tired or defeated despite not doing much throughout your days, then this is the reason why. Your brain needs a rest. Not constant stimulation from social media.

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[marengogo]

It is a very very very basic and simple thing, you're a worldwide celebrity, you got the INFLUENCE, you saw someone with with your name (shipper name to be exact but okay..)and want to post a video, you click on that account to check if the said acct is someone who's problematic for example a Zionist, god forbid a r*pist or anything else and then you post it on your story. As simple as that. In taehyung's case he wouldn't even have to scroll down through the page to see it's problematic cause the initial posts are enough. The work would have been done in 3sec max.

He was irresponsible and holding him accountable for that is not accusing him of doing some crime. They're human and can make mistakes and if we accept that they're capable of making mistakes idt it's making anyone bad. There's no need of big explanation for this.

He said the "n" word on his live but he didn't do anything wrong, he wore a durag on his live but yeah he didn't know about it, he was irresponsible for making a mistake which gave antis bigger platform to hate on his member but yes he's he's got no time for it. y'alls ability to keep defending every single thing the boys do is something else. The only thing people said is he should have been more careful but nahhh we're hating him just for saying this, we're making big deal out of nothing, we're his antis for saying that damn. I would have said the exact same words as "He should have been more careful with these things" if my bias was in place of taehyung.

QUICK NOTICE: I am still VERY MUCH in my not announced Not-Really-Answering-Asks era, (Colosseum is closed and all that stuff you know…) THAT BEING SAID, some of the asks I have been receiving [due to yesterday’s “ARMY debacle”] happen to serve themselves as perfect scenarios for me to point out some aspects of me that I really would want to make VERY CLEAR & UNDERSTOOD.

Hi Anon,

So, you believe all of this to be a very very very basic and simple thing, right?If that is the case why are you here? I obviously don’t think the same way you do, but I’m not even asking you to. Own up to what you believe and roll it, why justifying yourself? you are not on trial. The only thing people said is he should have been more careful but nahhh we're hating him just for saying this, we're making big deal out of nothing, we're his antis for saying that damn. Do you feel like you are making a big deal? Are you an anti? If the answer to both questions is no, then why you stressing bro?

You see, I haven’t formed the habit of just considering everything in a very very very basic and simple way I clearly was absent that day particularly when I see underlying problems. So then, if I see a problem, I try to get to the root of it and see what can be done. Reason why when Tae said the n-word, I addressed the issue accordingly:

By the way, I also emailed BigHit about it

And let me tell you right away, I ain’t finna weight a singer mouthing the n-word while singing, in the same way I would weight a singer that came to me, called me the n-word and told me to die. Sorry, I’m not wired like that and let me make this abundantly clear for future Anons:

I will ALWAYS consider motive, circumstance, chance and any other factor surrounding an incident/accident upon casting ANY KIND of judgement, be it the most complicated case in history or the “simplest” hiccup ever. ALWAYS, because I strive to always treat people the same way I would want to be treated. I refuse to live in a white and black world, that's the whole point of this blog. BUT I also match energy, so be warned 😗✌🏾.

So actually you can really miss me with the whole He was irresponsible and holding him accountable for that is not accusing him of doing some crime like it would be so great if people knew how to take a step back and properly assess situations. If you went to a court of law wanting to sue Tae for “reposting a picture of himself from a random IG post” how do you think that will hold up in court?

I mean, besides the fact that just scrolling down someone’s page will not always tell you exactly who they are at a first glance, I mean I know I don’t have 60 million followers but when I get some gifs or pics from the internet, to use on whatsapp, I never check the source, I probably should uh? Seems like everyone does … sorry I’m late to the party! how is Tae reposting a story which, once again, has a picture of himself, the same as endorsing what the person is doing on their page? 

Did Tae ask people to follow said account?

Did Tae compliment the account holder, or its content?

Did Tae ask said account to be a shipper account?

The fact that ARMY felt obliged to follow said account is on ARMY and ARMY SOLELY.

Like, I dunno, if you go to a page and you see that its content is questionable, are you not gonna flag it? But that's just me.

It is not Taehyung's responsibility to make sure that people have and use common sense. The fact that the Tannies are now having to be responsible for rectifying some ARMY’s failed education which should have been provided to them by at least parents/guardians and/or teachers is very mind boggling to me. Because, on this occasion, what exactly are you holding Tae accountable for? Sure, he has influence but he is not Charles Manson FFS. The whole “he could have liked a Zionist page, r***ist, etc” was a complete after-thought brought about as a way to talk back to the fact that the actual issue that caused this whole debacle is SHIPPING, but we ain’t ready to tackle that just yet. Cause where was this energy when JK actually started following all those random ass accounts on TikTok? Naah, you really can miss me with that.

Actually, I have a wish for this fandom. My wish is for this fandom to be able to have balanced responses to issues, without creating issues upon issues upon issues … One day this fandom will learn to also use words in an unnecessarily provocative way, which hey, I’m cool, I can be your punching bag all day, I don’t assimilate so whatever, but that bird app … boooiii, people get triggered AF! … for example where you wrote y'alls ability to keep defending every single thing the boys do is something else why you grouping me there bro? Something like “some of y'alls ability to keep defending every single thing the boys do is something” little things like that help fostering amicable conversations, because you are not an anti so no need to retaliate if you don’t relate. Right?

Anyways, all that to say that I disagree, but we ain’t gotta agree so, all cool. If you feel that what you doing is right, then you keep doing you, ayte? Thanks for stopping by!

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo.

PS - sorry for the lack of gifs, I’m feeling a bit under the weather and it takes me forever to make my own gifs and I am trying to keep a rectangular gif aesthetic, most of all gifs in the internet are a bit squary I don’t think that is a word but whateve’s.

[lovepmd]

Super!Hero and Super!Partner who managed to convince Nuzleaf and Carracosta to switch kids for a day.

Admittedly, it was Partner who was sick of having to be lectured and punished by their Pops. Especially when he said something like—“Why can’t you be more like your little friend? The quiet one-“ And Partner blatantly said “Hero’s quiet around you. Not me”. A slight stretch of the truth because Hero’s only quiet when it comes to talking. Otherwise their body language tells a great deal. The switch would happen on the rare day that Nuzleaf stays and remains in the village.

Hero was long overdue from being team leader anyway. So yeah, the two older Pokémon “switch” kids for a day and hang out with the respective ones. Partner is an absolute delight by accompanying Nuzleaf into a dungeon—the kid’s a natural! Always sniping enemy Pokémon from around corners, doing checks with him to make sure they both have enough energy to keep going, spotting many items.

Carracosta admittedly might have been a bit harsh by having Hero accompany him for a day. Sort of like how he punishes Partner by staying within his eye sight to prevent any shenanigans. But his little tagalong stays perfectly within a few feet of him and does what they’re told.

.

.

.

It seems like the perfect trade, until:

Nuzleaf doesn’t know how to deal with Partner’s energy nor does he know how to keep the young Pokémon entertained. Dungeon diving can get repetitive so Hero generally has come up with ways to keep the both of them entertained. Or at least occupy the time.

Hero’s eerie. Whether he realized it or not, Carracosta was used to Partner’s energy. He was used to the openness his child expressed through their body language. Always bouncing on their heels, always drawing someone in on a conversation even if a bit abruptly. Hero didn’t complain a peep and kept making these aborted gestures. As if going to say something then backing out half way. They do occasionally talk to other Pokémon on Carracosta’s errands, but it’s like Super!Hero’s only tolerating the interactions.

(Hero is used to Partner acting as a buffer around other people. They can and have taken the lead a few times… But, it’s hard. They don’t know the customs between Pokémon or what will be taken the wrong way. Then, they keep turning over all the options in their head. By the time they settle on something the moment to speak has passed. Partner and them can read each other. Or talk to each other without any judgement.)

Safe to say Carracosta’s not prepared for Hero talking at the end of the day—“Today was, okay. But Partner would absolutely hate it and would feel very frustrated if you keep putting the through this. They don’t get why you lecture them. Only that you keep making the sit still. Keep making them force their energy down until it exploded in their past escapades. This way of being raised might have worked when you were a kid. Or maybe you wanted this type of structure, but it’s really not good for them.

Do you ever consider why Partner wants to drag people into mystery dungeons or explore places to find “treasure”? They don’t do well with just words. They need something tangible to help them keep motivated. Dungeons are a place where they can show tangible growth.

Not being stuck in a place they grow to despise against their will. Have them tire themself out performing a move, sit down and talk with them like you would an adult to explain how worried you were. Explain how you want to give them chances to succeed and learn without getting hurt. Or getting into a situation even an adult Pokemon would be in trouble with.”

Hero can guess far too much based on how Carracosta treats Partner. (Not that he’s neglectful or abusive…) His ways of caring are a little too rigid.

oh my godddddd

hero and partner switching for a day and it's good but also? oh no, how do i deal with this kind of child, this is weird

and then hero at the end of the day giving carracosta a lecture

and he just doesn't know how to respond right away

is hero really a child?????

but he sees it, he thinks back on it and begins to understand, slowly but surely

[palms-upturned]

Same anon from before. No, I still truly don’t feel like any of this is enough. I don’t trust myself or my own judgement to make the right decisions on these things and rely on whoever I believe falls into the category of “more right than not” (you would fall into that!) because I just want to not get yelled at. I want other people to be liberated too so I recognize that it’s not about my feelings but to that end I also believe I shouldn’t matter here and as a privileged person just be told (1/2

(2/2) What to do by people who know better than me. I know I’ll never be perfect or do enough so why shouldn’t the better among us just force us into a revolution right now? I’m too trapped by my job to be able to do local organizing. All the protests happen either while I’m at work or are already happening when I didn’t know it. People say to either take time for you or spend all your time on educating yourself and organizing but where does that leave my life? Worthless, I think. I wish someone Would just tell me so. Tell me yes or no; am I living correctly or not? Am I properly dedicating myself to what truly matters or not? I don’t want a revolution that happens after you and I are gone. I want one yesterday. I want one where we actually, ACTUALLY LEGIT force people to change their ways. Like, “sacrificing all your excess clothes and frivolus toys to the efforts” kind of force. I fucking hate living in this grey area where we could be trying our best but be unknowingly commiting evil At any time. I’m sorry, that was a lot. Just…I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know what that says about me if I wish we just had hard and fast, unflinching RULES about how we should be acting right now and people to enforce it instead of being left to wade through our own flaws and imperfections and internal biases. I wish I could have them surgically removed and make myself a perfect fighter for justice

Well… I don’t really know what to say other than I’m sorry. I know it’s not enough and will never feel like enough. I know that uncertainty is painful and so is living under structures that we didn’t ask to be built. I don’t think that wanting to escape those things says anything particularly bad about you. I think all of us do. But the revolution didn’t come yesterday, and things just are what they are… At some point, you have to be able to make peace with that. Not to the extent of accepting the way things are, but to the extent that you can still see value in your life and in putting in the work to change things. Whatever work you can do.

Knowing whether or not you’re doing the “right thing” can only come from your own convictions. Those will solidify the more you learn and act on them and see the results. That, I think, is how you cope with the uncertainty. You do what is within your power, and you believe in what is within the reasonable scope of your observations. Even if there really was someone who you could rely on to tell you how to live correctly and what truly matters, you would still have to have a reason to personally believe that they were “more right than not.” I know it sucks, I really do. But you have to let go of the fantasy of being able to just give the reins to someone else. You have to see yourself as someone capable of conviction.

And believe me, I know how frustrating it is to deal with the limits. I am also annoyed at protests always happening on weekends when blue collar workers don’t get to have the day off to attend, including me. I’m annoyed at how many events I don’t get to go to because nobody requires masks indoors. I’m endlessly angry about how much time and strength I waste on my full time retail job just to be allowed to live in some degree of dignity when I could be putting that energy toward organizing. I hate how many layers there are to this beast that makes organizing inaccessible to the people who need it most. And I hate the limits of my body sometimes, too. But it is what it is and it won’t get better if we don’t accept it for what it is and work out what to do about it.

Regardless of any “value” that someone could assign your life, you have a right to be here like anyone else. And you are not as powerless as people would like you to think, nor as powerless as you would probably be relieved to think. We have an obligation to do what we can to improve things, and for most of us, there’s a lot more that we can do than we know. But there’s still a lot that we can’t do. And it’s so despair inducing at times like this, but we can’t let that stop us from doing something.

I know you’re probably just venting and I don’t really know what I can say to make any of this easier. I also don’t necessarily think it’s true to say that I’m “more right than not.” But I’ve hit suicidal rock bottom before and I don’t wish that for you. I know it hurts to work toward an ideal world knowing that we likely won’t live to see it if it even comes to exist at all. I know it hurts to know that our lives are dependent on the exploitation of others in ways that we can’t currently entirely avoid. But in the same way, our lives support other lives. And we can strengthen that support so long as we live and try. That’s what gets me through.

[alyjojo]

Thinking of You - April ✂️ 2024 - Aries

Whole of their energy towards Aries: Judgement

Feelings: 6 Cups

Intentions: 6 Pentacles & The Lovers

Actions: 3 Swords

This is a known player, because they’ve played you before. Judgement clarified by The Hanged Man and The Fool, this person could be some sort of lesson for you. They’ve had time to “gain a new perspective” and are missing you with 6 Cups. Missing talking to you anyway, they like your passion and fiery nature, this person sees you as a lot of fun. Big but. They’re still a player and it’s not going to change. Apology, Accident, and Death give me pause because Accident would indicate they don’t take any accountability for their bs, they’re coming back around “changed”. Not with you 💯

Their intentions are to play around with your heart, right from the jump. Telling you what you want to hear, and giving to two or more people - The Lovers next to 3 Swords is someone entertaining multiple people. They intend to heal the connection with you, or they just know they’re on limited time with you, with your advice Oracle being reversed, you’re a busy person and you ain’t got tiiiime for this bs. In action, 3 Swords. They’re going to hurt you again, and you’re going to give up on this altogether because they can’t make a decision and stick with it (they don’t want to). They do mean their apology but they’ll do it again so…do with that what you will, very young or immature energy with this person.

Messages:

Their side:

- Quick Fling

- GET NAKED 😛

Your side:

- I love the way you look at me.

- LOUD 📣

Oracles:

Pencil ✏️ it into your schedule - reversed ⛔️

Apology 😞

Guilt - Confession - Forgiveness

Accident 💥

Danger - Caution - Injury

Death ☠️

Endless - Harm - Inevitable

Possible signs:

Heavy Scorpio, Aquarius & Sagittarius

If you’re dealing with:

8 Swords, some of you aren’t dealing with people at all or you feel blocked/unable to change a situation where they’re concerned. Or switch. You could feel separate from your groups this month, or there is a lot going on that you/others don’t know about and can’t help or change. Especially with you being front & center with retrograde & eclipse season 🌘

Aries - working a lot, could be getting a boost to their income in some way, if you’re around them they want to spend money 💰 but that’s because they have it to spend

Taurus - a new love relationship with the potential to last, you feel a deep connection

Gemini - glad they gave up on something, or you are

Cancer - has an invitation or some kind of news about a get together, they want to meet up and celebration, could be a wedding

Leo - someone sharp as a tack and very communicative but for lack of a better word, they’re…kinda bitchy, where’s the warmth? 🤷‍♂️

Virgo - one of you abandoned the other and never said why, there’s a lot of sadness surrounding this, outside people could be involved as well

Libra - coming back around to talk, trying to be logical about things, they have a deep love for you & want another chance /switch

Scorpio - didn’t or isn’t telling you about other options they have/talk to, may have suddenly gone ghost 👻

Sagittarius - making big decisions regarding business or family and not speaking about it right now, moving in silence

Capricorn - apologizing for an argument, wants to fix things & be nice to you

Aquarius - a deep loving and committed relationship, maybe marriage, either with you or that’s why you don’t talk to each other

Pisces - at the threshold of a new beginning and feeling happily in their element about it, it’s connected to their heart & purpose 🎉

[merrilark]

Sorry in advance for the word dump. I have too many thoughts and no energy to sort them or try to be eloquent about it tonight. Pfft!

I love to imagine crossovers between TUA and Misfits and lemme tell you that I would ship the heck outta Luther/Kelly. Gorilla jokes at their expense aside, they would be so cute. She would be so good to him and vice versa, because Kelly wants someone genuine and Luther is the least performative of all the siblings and, even though he makes some very poor decisions, he is, generally, well-meaning and doing his best. Kelly’d also square up to Nathan or Diego if she thought they were being too rough with Luther. Heck, she’d throw hands with Reginald Hargreeves, zero hesitation lol

I also kind of like the idea of Alisha or Nathan and Diego. Romantically? Platonically? Both??? Who knows. But the dynamic they could have would be entertaining regardless.

Alisha’d 100% flirt with Diego though, that’s undeniable. I could probably ship them, but I’m unsure if it’d be shallow and brief, or if they’d be good for each other. That’s always a toss-up with Alisha, who I think struggles a lot more with self-esteem than she lets on. But I mostly just love squishing the more stoic, quiet characters with the extroverted party animals who rarely take anything seriously, and these two would be an interesting if short-lived combination.

Nathan would drive Diego crazy half the time no matter what, but Nathan’s just enough of a pitiable disaster who is, for the most part, delightfully oblivious to that disastrousness, that I think Diego’d deal with him just to help him out. And then they could bond by badmouthing their dads and talking about how much they love their moms. Win/win. Definitely one of their favorite shared pastimes.

All three of them try so hard to pretend they don’t have issues when they clearly do, and I can totally see either duo being chaotic while still being good at bringing softness and an itty bitty bit of vulnerability out of the other. Diego has pretty good EQ despite being emotionally constipated, and Alisha and Nathan can have decent EQ but they reserve that emotional energy primarily for people they’ve decided are safe to care about. Their differences would end up balancing them out, I think.

But honestly any combination of characters would be so fun.

Klaus and Alisha? Gossip, gossip, gossip. I think Klaus might think Alisha’s a bit mean, but his superpower may as well be getting along with anyone, so they’d be fine, and Alisha would warm up to him. The insane stories they could tell each other! I can hear Klaus’ cackling and mock scandalized gasps already. Klaus and Nathan? Chaos and shenanigans 24/7 and surprisingly insightful heart-to-hearts because their brains tickle along the same planes and wavelenths. Klaus and Simon? Similar to Klaus and Viktor. I can kinda see Klaus being a little protective of Simon in a big bro/little bro way, even if he thinks Simon’s a bit creepy. I could also see Simon coming to Klaus occasionally for advice if only because he’s so easily approachable and non-judgemental.

Obviously Viktor and Simon have a lot in common, being the quiet outcasts. Simon might not enjoy Viktor’s tendency to have a victim complex, but I think they could relate and they’d both be fantastic listeners. And omggg, Simon and Diego sparring together! Doing vigilante stuff together! Even Simon and Five being best bros would be really good; they’re both very much the characters who shoulder the most responsibility in protecting their friends/family, often alone, and they’re both the most pragmatic of their circle. However the thought of Simon and Luther in the same room would both be sweet and create a shockwave of social awkwardness that could be felt within a 10 mile radius.

I could almost ship Kelly and Diego, too, actually, now that I think about it, but I dunno if they’d click like that. There’d be a lot of respect for each other, yeah, but Diego tends to gravitate toward people he feels need help and Kelly has issues, but she’s not really the sort of person who needs anyone, emotionally or otherwise. She’s fiercely self-sufficient and doesn’t like feeling like she isn’t. I guess her and Diego are a lot alike in that way, maybe too much for it to work out as anything but platonic.

I think Ben would probably get along with most anyone except maybe Alisha and Nathan. He just wouldn’t have anything in common with Alisha, and we all know Nathan can and will make fun of someone any chance he gets. Ben might not be as sensitive as Luther, but I think his feelings could very easily be hurt by Nathan at worst. At best he’d find him grating. Nathan’s too performative and takes too much delight in bullying people, and I don’t think Ben would want to expend the energy on him if he didn’t have to.

Luther also would get along with... most of them. Except for Nathan. Nathan would make him cry without even trying. Sorry, Luther. But that’s why Lu needs Kelly. LOL

Struggling to figure out Curtis, though. Curtis is the gang’s moral compass, no doubt, but he’s also a bit of a snob and while he cares for all his friends, I think they’re really just friends out of circumstance, besides Alisha. He’d probably like Viktor but not care to get to know him. Klaus is fine, Ben’s fine, Luther’s fine, Five... Curtis would probably respect him but not really like him. They’d really have nothing in common beyond time travel and Curtis would find him too bossy and sharp to be pleasant.

Maybe Curtis would have a better chance at being friends with Allison and Diego. Diego really only for the shared athletic interest, and Allison because Curtis has always felt like the gang, sans Alisha, is a bit beneath him. Allison is more outwardly put together and “normal” than the other Hargreeves, too, never mind the fact that she has the fame Curtis wishes he had.

Allison would probably get along with all of them well enough, even Nathan, though I don’t think she’d really like him. She’s very much the big sister friend and I don’t think that’d change with the Misfits gang.

I doubt Five would care much about befriending any of them, though I could see Nathan squirming his way into his affections and Five being very annoyed with himself for it. He’d probably have the best shot at connecting with Simon, though, for the reasons I already listed. They bear a lot of responsibility and concern themselves a lot with the greater good specifically for the people they love (where in contrast, Diego worries about the people he loves and everyone else... but I digress, that’s a topic for another post entirely lol).

[douchebagbrainwaves]

STARTING A STARTUP IS REALLY HARD

Suppose you are a little, nimble guy being chased by a big, stable organization from which it would be for the company just to break even. And in fact one of the symptoms of bad judgement is believing you have good judgement. So few businesses really pay attention to making customers happy. Suppose another multiple of three. It will, ordinarily, be a group. Business is a kind of ritualized warfare. On the other hand, history is even fuller of examples of young people who were working on Viaweb, a bigger company in the e-commerce business was granted a patent on it. But the founders contribute ideas.

You're probably violating a patent every time you tie your shoelaces. But they are not the main target of those who want to get the best rowers. It would have been a lot of other people's. They'd face the mother of all boycotts. What they go by is the number of sufficiently good founders starting companies, and that often means seeing something the big company will get wrong if they try. In the future, investors will increasingly be unable to wait for startups to present to investors. What the anti-immigration people say that instead of letting foreigners take these jobs, we should expect founders to do it. But that's not the limiting factor on the number of startups is that there is now a lot of immigrants working in it. But money is just the intermediate stage—just a shorthand—for whatever people want, and you will greatly reduce it. If you assemble a team of qualified experts and tell them to make a new web-based software, if you did somehow accumulate a fortune, the ruler or his henchmen would find a way to compress your whole working life into a few years ago.

I want to work on technology per se, so long as you work on problems demanding enough to stretch you. The patent office has been overwhelmed by both the volume and the novelty of applications for software patents, and as a rule they seemed pretty jaded. If you took ten people at random out of the big galley and put them in a boat by themselves, they could probably go faster. But if you try to attack this type of approach now, but it isn't something that has to pervade every program you write. Now an angel can go to something like Demo Day or AngelList and have access to the same deals VCs do. It's part of the game. Even if we could somehow replace investors, I don't see how we could replace founders. For the next year or so, if anyone expressed the slightest curiosity about Viaweb we would try to sell them the company.

There is a large random multiplier in the success of any company. I was about 10 I saw a documentary on pollution that put me into a panic. The distribution of investors should mirror the distribution of wealth. Certainly it's a better test than your a priori notions of what problems are important to solve, no matter what the source. 0 has such an air of euphoria about it is the fact I already mentioned: that startups are becoming a more normal thing to do. If multiple investors have to share a valuation, it will help later stage investors as well. In Lisp, functions are first class objects. We tell the startups we fund not to worry about money.

And so far that competitor is crushing us. It's hard to predict in advance which startups will succeed. In some Lisps expressions can return multiple values. No energy is wasted on defense. Increase taxes, and willingness to take risks decreases in proportion. What is technology? Combine this with the confidence parents try to instill in their kids, and every year you get a new crop of 18 year olds who think they know.

For the next year or so, if anyone expressed the slightest curiosity about Viaweb we would try to sell them things. To be patentable, an invention has to be finite, and the only ways to acquire these rapidly were by inheritance, marriage, conquest, or confiscation. For most of history, success meant success at zero-sum games. It's obvious now that he was just an elementary school teacher, after all. Which means, especially in the case of Gilded Age financiers contending with one another for deals, but they are. The reason young founders go through the motions of starting a startup is like a giant galley driven by a spirit of benevolence. The reason you've never heard of him is that he's proven himself to be a contender again, this is how they could do more than search. But they are not the main target of those who want to do this. The first was the rule of law. The startup world became more transparent and more unpredictable. In effect, acquirers assume the customers know who has the best technology. That suit probably hurt Amazon more than it is police or freedom?

Wealth has been getting created and destroyed but on balance, created for all of human history. The world market in programmers seems to be growing. If you can come up with heuristics for recognizing genuinely interesting problems, but for the ambitious ones it can be an incomparably valuable sort of exploration. Get a version 1. Kids often want to be lied to. The first was the rule of law. And when you discover a new way to do venture investing. In effect, this structure gives the investor a free option on the next round, which they'll only take if it's worse for the startup than they could get paid for it. It's hard even to imagine. So strangely enough the optimal thing to do. If you want to patent an algorithm, you have to know who you should be nice to everyone. One thing it means is that there will be a problem that founders keep control of their companies for longer.

Thanks to Jessica Livingston, David Hornik, and Aaron Swartz for reading a previous draft.

[lilbombus]

how odd, how strange

Ross and Lilac Maryam-Lalonde are Rose's and Kanaya's twins, Malaine Jona and Jael Harley are Jade's and Davepeta's kids, and Kaseli Vantas-Strider is Dave's and Karkat's only child

fankids' personalities are below

(name listed from closest to furtherest)

Ross ML (16): calm demeanor and kind, an esteemed prodigy of violin and piano, many come to him to fix their string instruments and he happily obliges without wanting anything from them, for him playing or fixing string instruments is an award in itself, can read musical notations, hard to anger but will explode to the point of rage quitting, too much of a worry wart and stress gets to him easily, too caring and selfless to the point its hurts him, much rather collect small knick knacks and watch documentaries

Kaseli VS (15): very open and trusting, seems at first standoffish but instantly smiles and hugs her friends when she sees them, extroverted, has an odd ability of knowing who’s lying or hiding something just by looking at them however her judgement can be clouded by believing the best in others, a pacifist by nature, doesn’t get angry easily but can be an asshole, says "haha you loser" to everyone in a joking manner, curses a lot, would definitely run away from her problems until she's ready to deal with them (or someone pushes her to), works hard to be one of the top gymnasts (her specialty is uneven bars) in her district, perfectionist, can become extremely depressive at times, always has a book with her or spends time reading on her phone

Malaine Jona H (16): has a “permanent smile” as her default, she's surprisingly neutral to many and usually sticks to herself besides her friend group, has an ability of hearing heartbeats in a mile radius and can distinguish others’ emotions, locations, and health, has a lot of energy - so she spends her time exploring, exercising, boxing, or practicing mma, and seems to have a thrill in fighting in the ring or seeing competitions, very competitive, the type to “fight first ask questions later,” also the type to smile and laugh at her opponents, very protective and too dependable to the point of seemingly having the whole world on her shoulders at times of dire situations, can be described as “chaotically good,” her anger will move any obstacle, always has a first aid kit in hand 

Lilac ML (16): rebellious, closed off, and only talks to her group with joy, loyal to her family and friends without a fault, that friend who will be with you through thick and thin, would carry extra clothes if anyone needs it, would fix anyone's makeup even those she doesn't like, hard working, she’s conceited on her abilities as an ice skater and thinks she better than many (specifically those who don’t work on themselves), hates when others says she "talented," she also loves fashion much like her mother who has a fashion line, very easy to anger and will fight anyone if she doesn’t like them (even after she fixed their makeup) but to those she loves she let’s go easily and forgives them

Jael H (12 turning 13): not shy but likes to be alone, curious as a cat -his curiosity gets him into trouble sometimes, knows more than he appears and seems to hold onto many secrets, the type to not say a word if no one asks, can't build anything for the life of him, likes to find answers himself rather than in a group, usually goes "down a rabbit hole" easily, hates when people are too protective of him, “a chaotic neutral,” the type to make a deal with the devil to gain more knowledge, would cry when he misses home

~ here's May May Jona's shirt design cuz I like the idea of her wearing the Leijon sign whenever she can ~

[magdelanesingerin]

Session 14: Extinction Burst

Chapter 5 of A Life Alone, Rated M CW: drug use, Geralt's persistent use of ableist and judgemental language around himself

“How are you doing, after last week? That was a lot.”

“I…don’t know,’ Geralt admits. “Off. Keyed up, distracted. I’m not sleeping well, and it’s making me…I’m really easily frustrated.” Angry, really. Even angrier than normal. The world seems like too much, too frustrating, too stupid and loud and constantly trying his last fucking nerve. The shaky, pent up energy in his limbs feels like it’s about to burst out of him in something awful.  

“Hmm,” Nenneke nods sympathetically. “What kinds of things do you do for fun? How are you taking care of yourself?”

“Uhh,” he fumbles around for a moment. It probably shouldn’t be so hard to think of things that he enjoys doing. “I enjoy training, on my own at the gym and sparring. Riding, obviously.”

Sex, he doesn’t say. Not that he’s getting any, anyway. He honestly hasn’t wanted to seek out a new relationship or even a one night stand. 

“Using your body can certainly help to still your mind, take you out of your spinning thoughts. How about meditation, listening to music, watching movies, trashy TV, jigsaw puzzles, model airplanes– what do you do to relax?”

Geralt snorts, glancing away with a wry smirk. Well. 

Despite the cold Geralt stood barefoot on the tiny balcony of his apartment, determined to turn his brain off by whatever means necessary. In this case that meant stopping at one of the dispensaries that were suddenly everywhere and buying a pre-roll that he was sucking down with intense focus, methodically holding the smoke in his lungs as long as he could in between hits. It’d been many years since the last time he’d smoked, and the burn of it in his throat felt strange. 

He didn’t notice at first just how restless he was, shuffling his weight ceaselessly back and forth on the ancient, crumbling concrete that stuck to the bottoms of his frozen feet in sharp little chunks of gravel and grit, fiddling with the lid of the bougie plastic tube that joints apparently came in now. He was bemused by the perfectly rolled, tight cone complete with a filter when it had fallen out into his palm. Had marveled at the label bearing more provenance and fiddly detail than a fucking wine bottle, remembering instead the half crushed, lumpy blunts in thin ziplock bags that his college friends used to buy from some guy down the dorm hall. 

He felt old. Old and broken down, a nearly-forty year old man huddled in a ratty hoody standing on his balcony watching the curls of smoke and warm breath rise in front of his mouth and into the weird orange light of the streetlights, unable to deal with his own racing thoughts. Pathetic. He’d abandoned the plastic tube in his hoodie pocket at some point in favor of worrying his thumb over the greasy-sticky residue of the torn price sticker of his pilfered lighter. It was printed with palm trees on a sandy beach and he had no idea where it had come from. 

Did anyone ever buy a new lighter? Did they choose one of these trashy, lurid designs because it spoke to them in some way? Surely someone had to, but in Geralt’s experience lighters were always picked up from some bar table, or left behind on your porch by some nicotine-addicted friend. Someone had to start the cycle, though, to set them circulating in that never ending loop of abandonment and retrieval. 

He decided with relief that the fact he was wondering about this at all was a sign that the high was kicking in, and let himself relax into the floaty haze of it as he sucked down the last acrid lungful. He was still rubbing over the smooth, curved surface of the lighter, but it felt meditative now rather than twitchy. He rubbed his feet absently against his calves to get the concrete bits off and stepped back into the warmth of his apartment feeling hopeful he might actually find sleep tonight. 

He should have known better. He was still awake to feel the last edges of the high fade away, watching the clock tick over 2 A.M. with bleary, bloodshot eyes, and didn’t do more than drift restlessly before his alarm woke him for good with a harsh buzzing at 6:00. 

Continue on Ao3

[nayatarot777]

What Do They Find Attractive About You? ~ pac

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

   • pile 1 •

They find your intellect extremely attractive. There could have been a moment when you either called them out for something with no hesitation and directness, or they witnessed you do this to someone else. Very direct, blunt, justly too. You’re someone who upholds certain morals it seems - particularly when it comes to irrational and unfair judgements of others or respect when speaking about those who don’t deserve to be disrespected. Yeah, I’m definitely feeling like a lot of you have called this person out for some out of line shit that they said, and they loved it 👀😂.

Some of you could also be very quiet. Maybe not shy, but just reserved. You only speak when you have something important or profound to say, and I feel as though a lot of you are all about justice and defending those who are unable to defend themselves. Some of you could be very intense in your communication too. Capricorn/Saturn/10th house and Scorpio/Pluto/8th house energy is strong here. They find it so attractive that you’re not afraid to speak your mind when you want to/feel like you should, even if you’re the only one who is backing up what you’re saying, by yourself. You project a powerful energy through words as well as the intellect that you show so effortlessly. Some of you could be in a professional environment with this person.

This person also enjoys how you seem to be quite distant and hard to reach. It’s like you’re a hawk just observing your surroundings - slightly intimidating because of this cold and hardened facial expression you have when just observing and minding your business. You guys could very well intimidate this person A LOT. If you’re feminines, and this is a masculine that you’re thinking of, I feel like they’re usually the ones who hold power with their words or their closed-off demeanour. But I’m hearing that they have met their match with you. They’re not used to dealing with feminines who aren’t afraid to say whatever tf is on their mind, and it’s extremely refreshing for them. It’s almost like they feel like their power is kind of taken away when you look at them or speak to them. You could really notice minute details about them and they kind of feel dissected by you under your gaze. You make this person NERVOUS, pile 1 😂 but they definitely find it VERY sexually attractive too. Maybe this person is a dominant person in day to day life but they low-key want you to dominate them some more lmaooo.

There is also an extremely caring, nurturing, receptive energy to you at the same time, though. It’s almost like you’re so comfortable just resting in your energy that you can’t be swayed out of your state of comfortability-in-self. You don’t hesitate to offer others words of encouragement or reassurance. You could be very attractive but not even exert energy to attract this person to you. Again, you just focus on your own energy and what you’re trying to nurture for yourself and within yourself. It’s almost like you kind of dismiss this person (or at least they feel that you do) but they can tell that you don’t even mean to. Maybe this person kinda feels like you don’t even pay a lot of attention to them (even if you do in your own way). This person could be so used to people (especially feminines) pining after them and flocking after them, but you don’t give af about their fine self (at least that’s how you portray yourself). This person could genuinely also believe that you have found so much inner peace and inner abundance that the abundance that they usually use to attract people (in terms of money, or good looks) doesn’t faze you at all. It’s almost like you’re a mystery of some sort to this person.

They can see that you have a very kind, loving energy to you, but the cold, RBF energy kicks in a lot of the time. You guys know how to merge feminine energy with masculine energy extremely well. I feel like you’re not this person’s usual type, but the way that you seem indifferent and unaffected by their looks, their money, their status, etc. shows them that you ain’t a usual type of person that they’d meet in life in general (period 🙃). Again, I feel like this person is so used to others pining over them, but the roles have been reversed with you, and they love it 👀🤭🤍

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

• pile 2 •

I’m seeing that you guys are the types of people who have a certain level of confidence within yourself. Either confidence, or comfortability within your identity. There could be something that stands out about you. You show up to the world exactly however tf you want to, and you’re unapologetic about it. This person loves that you don’t seem to care about other people’s opinions. Especially if this person is the type who clearly cares about how they portray themselves to others. It’s almost like they’re just in awe about the fact that you can do what they struggle to do, seemingly so easily - which is showing up authentically. That’s what I’m feeling. Pure, undiluted authenticity.

You might also not be the type to chase after anyone. You understand that you are a prize. Why tf would you chase after anyone? 😂

This person also gets more and more intrigued by you as they get to know you. They could have judged you as a person a bit too soon. Not even negatively, just through assuming what type of person you would be. But I feel like as this person has been around you or spoken to you more and more, they feel as though more and more layers of your ego is revealed. This person could have even been taken off guard about how much they grew to like you. Your arms and hands could turn this person on? Random message, but that’s what I’m seeing 😂 either slightly muscular arms that are well proportioned to your body (even if you don’t workout, there’s just a definition to your arms, as if they’re toned - Aquarius energy?) and/or small, delicate, dainty hands. If the hands thing resonate, then they’ve visualised some…interesting things involving your hands and their peen/coochie 💀

You could be quite childlike too. Still deeply connected to your inner child. If this person is someone who seems to take themselves seriously, again, they admire the fact that you freely show your inner-child for everyone to see while they struggle to, perhaps due to a feeling of vulnerability?

You could also love to laugh. If so, this person loves to make you laugh or loves to hear you laugh. This person could be OD with the jokes that they make, just to see you laugh. They feel as though this is the way to get to know you more and to get closer to you. You could also always be out of reach or on the move, never really able to be caught by this person when they want to catch you. I’m hearing “onwards and upwards”, whatever that means to you. Could be high standards for yourself and others too. 

Although I feel as though a lot of you are very bright, cheery, and smiley, you also are very self focused, but I’m sensing in terms of ambition or maybe even philosophical in some way? This person can tell that you prioritise what’s going on internally with you, instead of externally. 

They may have also seen you take action to expand your experience with something. If not, then this person feels like you’re a go-getter but in a very quiet way. They could very well be a go-getter too but very in your face with it. They might even brag a lot 😂

There’s a silent power within you. Yes you’re comfortable/confident (seemingly) but not cocky. I’m even getting a message that you may have even shown this person what it was to be genuinely confident within yourself, because they could be the type to force their confidence and fall into cockiness. I feel like they see you as someone who’s admirable and who they can learn a lot from. But again, you seem to be focused on yourself and making your own moves. This person could even watch you secretly whenever they can. They just love the energy that you project out into the world.

Strong Leo/Sun/5th house energy. And I’m also picking up on Sagittarius too 🤍

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

• pile 3 •

You guys are chill af. It seems like NOTHING can get under your skin. This person may have even seen you dismiss someone/people who tried to impose their personal opinions onto you, and the fact that you just released all of the judgements sent your way without a care in the world is so fucking attractive to them. They can tell that you’re not easily controlled or contained.

You could be someone who loves to protect your peace. This person could always see you spending time alone, in your own energy. I feel like you guys are very open to speaking when in a group with this person? But if you see this person outside of this group, you might not even acknowledge them too much and not say anything to them, just wanting to be left alone.

This person could continuously encounter people who cling onto their energy, but you do the opposite, and I feel like it kinda makes them sad a little bit? They really like it at the same time though. I’m feeling like this is the type of person to complain about clingy women (for example) but now that they’ve met you and they want your energy, they’re regretful of what they’ve wished for? Because they’d much rather have you want to be around them a lot more than you already do. You guys could have been drawn to pile 1.

You could also be very good at multitasking. This person may have seen you in a situation or an environment where you needed to handle multiple things at once, but it seemed effortless for you.

You could also be very unconventional people, going against your familial or cultural traditions to do your own thing, with absolutely no regret and no shame. You really don’t care about judgments from others. 

They could also get the vibe from you that if anyone was to bring some bs to you and fw your energy in a negative way, you’d have no problem with releasing that person with a quickness. Although I’m picking up on a lot of Libra energy from this pile, they might be able to tell that you are extremely cutthroat.

This person may have even said or done something that they feel made you distance yourself from them a little bit. Or maybe they feel like you now view them in a way that they don’t want you to view them. In a way that makes them feel ashamed to know that you feel like they’re less than morally just? Or less than respectable in some way? This person for a small amount of you could have even tried to make you feel insecure in some way but you brushed that shit off with ease, which made them just look rude or judgemental af. If this is the case then I’m picking up on some immature energy. This could’ve been their way of interacting with you to “flirt”? Or to even introduce themselves?? I think this person likes to get under people’s skin. It’s like they flirt by being nit-picky and trying to make you feel uncomfortable under their slight scrutiny. Maybe a power play thing for them? And if so, this shit failed btw and backfired for them. Serves them right 🙃

This person could also know that you have strong intuition without even having to know too much about them or their life. You may have said something just in passing that they were taken aback by, just because it was such an accurate judgement of them but they don’t understand how you knew it. Picking up on Pisces/Neptunian/12th house energy with you guys.

You’re also someone who this person can tell makes a great judgement of character. And they may feel like you see them as someone who you can get along with, but their character is less than appropriate for you. Idk why but I’m feeling like this person feels ashamed or embarrassed because they feel as though they’ve shown you guys a character that isn’t a noble, respectable one. But even so, the way that you kind of distanced yourself from them while still being someone who’s kind and receptive to them and their attempts at conversing with you is EXTREMELY attractive to them.

It’s like, they put you on a pedestal, but they can tell that you don’t put yourself on one. Even if you feel like you’re above certain judgemental mindsets and behaviours from others. This person can tell that you see everyone as someone who you will get along with if you want to, but you can still see their bs from a mile away, without treating them as less than because of it. And I think that makes them feel even more regretful or guilty about whatever they did or said.

Maturity. They feel like your maturity level is way higher than theirs. And although they really like it, it also bruises their ego because they feel like they don’t match up. They could subconsciously have a kink for feeling less than or ashamed though? Especially if they seem quite confident in everything that they do. You may have seen this person’s “confidence” falter, and they know that. They know that you can see right through them, and although it scares them, it also turns them on - mainly because it’s such a new feeling that they’re not used to. This person could be the type to just run their mouth and feel like they can say whatever they want about whoever or whatever they want, but you put them in their place. Either verbally, or a shift in your energy towards them, or even just a look that you sent their way when they got a bit besides themselves 🤍 

Check out my YouTube Channel if you’d like! - Naya Tarot

[keefwho]

May 02 - 2023

5:49 PM

I’ve been feeling the need for a big change in my life. At first all I could thing of was a physical change like moving to a new place or something. But while that could kickstart important change in me, it is not the core solution. I think I know what I want to do though. 

I am aware of how seriously I take my thoughts and feelings. I base everything in my life off of them. I craft predictions and assumption that I believe to be educated but even if they are, they are still only estimations. I OVER estimate constantly. I also tend to think that believing I can do something is enough. For instance, if I know I can draw something easily then I don’t feel the need to draw it because it might as well already be done. I apply this logic to a lot of challenges. I would justify it by thinking “What do I have to prove to anyone, I know I can do it.” 

I’m deep inside my own head almost all hours of the day. Almost like I’m living a fantasy. I pretend to have a grasp on all things and live based on my assumptions. It’s severely limiting to what I can do and explore, having believed I have it all figured out. 

I think the big fundamental change I need is to step away from this kind of mindset. I want to enter what I’ve been calling my “age of action.” I don’t just mean doing things, but also appraising things based on tangible data. I’m finding this hard to explain (as if I’m trying to tell someone that isn’t me), but I plan to stop simulating and profiling, replacing those with a more intentional awareness about how things really are. 

I often avoid evaluating my own actions and instead choose to believe that surely I am not being cringe or presenting myself in an otherwise unpleasing manner. I’m afraid of looking at myself. But from now on I want to monitor my own actions as if I am a spectator to get a better idea of how I present myself. I think this will be a huge step to molding myself into the kind of person I want to be. I think it will also help me realize how I can express my feelings better because I’ll have an idea of what I am expressing and when. The basis of stopping any unhealthy behavior is figuring out WHY I am doing something and the circumstances surrounding it. 

The other side of this is basing my judgements off of others based on their actions as well. I like to play psychologist and pretend I have people figured out. I like to group people into stereotypes much too quickly and that limits how close I can get to a lot of people. I want to distance myself from my assumptions and only consider what is absolutely true, that being how people conduct themselves. 

I am actually a bit excited because I think I’m onto something here. Right now I really do think this could be a big deal if I do it right. But it’ll take a LOT of attention and energy that I am in fact willing to put in. I was thinking that on Tuesdays I could organize intensive exercises to perform until Thursday and then I’ll plan something to focus on until the next Tuesday. I’m trying to focus on certain concepts instead of bouncing around so much. I think it’ll be useful to give ideas my full attention for longer, one at a time. 

7:47 PM

I also have more uncomfortable things that I need to admit to myself and others. I shouldn’t be scared to because I have the intent of monitoring and fixing my behavior. If anything it’s a good thing I’m able to come to terms with it. I HAVE in fact been becoming dependent on someone again and I intend to avoid continuing this trend at all costs. Not only is it unhealthy for me, but the relationship in general. I understand the kind of steps I need to take to mitigate the behavior and I will take them. I’m excited too because I know how much I will benefit from succeeding, and how much the relationship will benefit too. I’ve seen the light before. 

I had been avoiding admitting this/coping that it wasn’t actually happening because I know how weird it can be to the person that is the target. I’m basically afraid of scaring them away but that shouldn’t happen as long as I make clear my intent to catch what I’m doing and stop it. Communication like that is extremely important and I’m sure they’ll understand.