#like i genuinely think there's something at the root of this phenomenon it makes no sense to me

[saintjosie]

hi, i promise this question is in good faith, i genuinely just want your opinion!

as an asian tguy, i've noticed a phenomenon of white tgirls constantly using anime gifs to express their feelings or use to represent their reactions. and while i agree that anime is very cute, it stirs something in me when i scroll through so many blogs that ONLY use anime gifs to react. idk it would make me feel less weird about it if there was more variation i think but. maybe i’m overreacting?

i want to support my people and be anti-racist but i also don't want to end up with a transphobic belief in the process. i figured you'd be a good person to ask as a fellow asian on the "other side" of it all. sorry if this is tedious to read and answer

first, this post on orientalism is a good primer and says a lot of things way better than i ever could.

unfortunately there is no easy answer for this and the short answer is “it depends”.

the root of this issue lies in both objectification and also the difference between appreciation and appropriation. there is absolutely an issue with people in general objectifying asians and appropriating asian culture and this is not limited to just white people or white trans fems; this is a problem with western culture as a whole.

but it is very important to add that i do believe that your singling out of white trans fems is somewhat unfair. there is absolutely an issue of white queer and trans people misunderstanding intersectionality and failing to recognize their white privilege but the way that white trans fems interact with anime is no different than the way that all of western culture treats things like anime and k-pop.

so regarding the “it depends”, what matters is ultimately that each and every person is responsible for dismantling their own privileges and biases. there is no sweeping generalization that i or anyone else can make that says “this is bad” when ultimately it comes down to how each person interacts with the media they consume. are there people who appropriate and interact with anime inappropriately? yes absolutely. but there are others who don’t too.

and so even if this is an issue, we cannot address this issue to an entire community because we don’t know how each individual is thinking, and even if we did, (and this is very important) we cannot do a damn thing to change it other than to provide education.

push too hard, it goes nowhere. if someone isn’t ready to hear something or isn’t in the process of dismantling their own privileges and biases, it goes nowhere.

your discomfort is valid but there is nothing to do but continue to advocate and ask allies to do the same.

best of luck!

[secret77778888]

Help! I'm in a parasocial relationship with Lukola.

⚠️DISCLAIMER: This is LUKOLALAND only. Skip this if you're not a shipper. This is only my point of view. No harm intended.

Like many of us in Lukolaland, I fell for POLIN first, their fictional chemistry was attractive, and it pulled me in. But it wasn’t long before I fell harder for LUKOLA captivated by their real-life magnetic chemistry, the undeniable connection between the actors behind the characters which is absolutely based on friendship, but which I also believe is so much more than that. LUKOLA is now an increasingly significant part of my daily life, and while I don’t exactly know how or why I got here, here I am, steady aboard this ship. As someone experiencing this for the first time and seeing a lot of criticism towards the Lukola fandom, I wanted to reflect on what’s really going on here. After already delving into the negativity within the fandom in two previous posts, I now want to focus on the broader conversation about the legitimacy of our community.

A parasocial relationship is a one-sided connection where one party, usually a fan, becomes emotionally invested in a celebrity, fictional character, or public figure who doesn’t reciprocate that same level of personal connection. It’s a common phenomenon, especially in the digital age, where media blurs the lines between public personas and real people.

People often criticize shipping real people, like Luke and Nicola, claiming it’s “weird” or even invasive. I’ll admit, there’s a strangeness to it, and boundaries are important. But is it fair to label us as crazy for simply being invested in a connection we perceive? If we think about it, we “ship” people in our real lives all the time rooting for our friends to get together, hoping our favorite colleagues will hit it off. It’s human nature to be invested in connections we care about.

People say that the World Tour was only PR and that we are delusional to think they are together in real life. Most of us don’t think they’re together now that’s exactly why we’re shipping them, we saw something exceptional between them and we definitely think that they should be together, that’s the point. We can differentiate actors from characters that’s why we call them LUKOLA and not POLIN. There may have been some blurred lines and some real-life mirroring but that’s not the bulk of it.

It is true that the way the promotion was handled for season 3 intentionally blurred those lines. The marketing campaign, press interviews, and social media content often leaned heavily into the chemistry between the leads, with subtle implications that left room for fan speculation about a real-life relationship.

It’s important to address why dismissing the dynamic between Luke and Nicola as mere PR or labeling those who see a genuine connection as "crazy" is not okay.

The connection between Luke and Nicola has been evident for years, not just during the World Tour but also in their past public interactions and behind-the-scenes footage. Observers have noted consistent emotional undertones like shared glances, supportive gestures, and a natural intimacy that goes beyond professional behavior, suggesting a bond that isn't easily fabricated by PR. Their closeness has been acknowledged by some cast, crew, and even friends and family members, further validating what fans have perceived.

Many dismiss their relationship as PR due to biases rooted in celebrity culture, where staged romances are common. This skepticism often leads people to view all interactions as scripted, making it easier to label the connection as fake rather than recognizing the complexities of genuine human emotions unfolding under public scrutiny. Critics often struggle to separate the actors' real-life bond from their on-screen personas, overlooking the authenticity of their unscripted moments. Calling fans “crazy” for believing in their connection imposes a narrow view on what is clearly a nuanced and personal dynamic between Luke and Nicola.

It’s worth questioning why shipping fictional characters whose fates are pre-written and often predictable is more accepted than shipping real people who exhibit real chemistry and connection, on-screen and off. Fictional characters are constructed for our entertainment and should have a lesser impact on our reality, but when it comes to real-life dynamics, the thrill often lies in the authenticity and unpredictability.

Those dismissing the Lukola fandom often do so from a place of bias, without recognizing that many fans are deeply invested and knowledgeable about what they see behind the scenes, during interviews, and on social media. To us, the connection between Luke and Nicola isn’t just a fleeting fantasy, it’s something rooted in countless interactions that we’ve seen unfold publicly and sometimes even subtly in their private behaviors.

Some people also dismiss Lukola because they can’t fathom the connection due to their own preconceptions, like claiming Nicola isn’t Luke’s “type” based on superficial judgments. But connection often defies typecasting; it’s about shared moments, mutual respect, and chemistry that goes beyond looks or what we think we know about a person’s preferences. Critics often label fans as “crazy” for seeing a genuine connection between Luke and Nicola, imposing their own biases on them. These narrow views overlook the real, evolving nature of personal connections. Nicola's or Luke’s perceived divergences from the “ideal” partner is often unfairly judged, reflecting broader societal biases, including gendered scrutiny and fan projections. These misperceptions say more about public expectations than about Luke and Nicola’s real relationship, which is a deeply personal and nuanced relationship; Dismissing their bond because it challenges existing narratives. Recognizing the authenticity of their bond isn’t about fantasy; it’s about understanding the complexities of human relationships, especially under public scrutiny.

The Lukola fandom isn’t just a collection of people projecting their fantasies; it’s a group that sees a unique, genuine bond between two people, one that even some of their castmates, crew members, and close friends have noticed and commented on. Our community is about celebrating that bond and exploring the emotions it evokes, not just blindly fantasizing about it. The criticisms we face often come from people who view things through a biased lens, dismissing our perceptions often because they don’t align with theirs.

Lukola fandom provide an outlet for creativity, where fans can engage in discussions, create fan art, write fanfiction, and explore different interpretations of the interactions they love. It offers a sense of belonging and community, connecting people with shared interests. For many of us, being part of this fandom provides a supportive environment where we can express ourselves without being called crazy or delusional.

We can celebrate the content we love, helping to promote and keep the interest alive in Lukola and Bridgerton, and their other projects. This can contribute to the longevity of the careers and even influence future productions. The Lukola fandom has a right to exist and can be a positive community as long as its members engage responsibly. The key is maintaining a healthy balance between enjoying the content and respecting the personal lives of those involved in its creation.

We as fans should strive to maintain an objective perspective, appreciating Lukola’s work and interactions without crossing into invasive and illegal activities, entitlement or unrealistic expectations.

We should approach this with more tact and care, very demurely very mindfully, avoiding putting too much pressure on them to prevent any unintended consequences. It's important to keep our content within our community and minimize direct interactions, such as tagging or sharing posts with them, as much as possible. Let’s create a respectful space that doesn’t intrude on their personal boundaries.

In the end, it’s not about whether it’s right or wrong to ship real people; it’s about respecting the emotional investment of others and recognizing that these connections whether real or imagined bring joy, comfort, and community to many of us in Lukolaland.

[stupot]

I think something a lot of gentile folk don’t consider is how antisemitism is a particularly weird kind of bigotry; it’s just sort of implicitly accepted by just about everyone, from all walks of life, as fact. Not out of malice, necessarily, but because the stereotypes are so pervasive and they don't know any Jews, nor do they know anything about Judaism as a whole.

Obviously, other forms of bigotry do take root in the hearts of many without being questioned, but with antisemitism it's just...universal. Universal in a way that can’t really be articulated. Whether the person is rich, middle class, or working class, no matter their religion or political beliefs or cultural background, they’ll inevitably throw statements like 'well, the Jews own Hollywood/own the banks/control [insert powerful institution]' out there with the nonchalance of someone discussing the weather.

It's really hard to articulate the nature of this phenomenon. At some point, every one of your coworkers and friends, provided they have not been explicitly informed of your Jewishness, will say something like that when it simply isn't true. They don't see it as controversial at all and it will rarely be challenged by anyone in their life.

For example, at my old job I had a coworker who had feelings for me and tried to bond with me over video games. Only after learning of my Jewishness did he reveal himself to be a genuine neo-nazi and begin taunting me every single shift. He’d rub his fingers together at me (you know, the ‘money’ gesture), make fun of mine and my mother’s nose, tell me about globalists controlling the world, etc.

But what’s genuinely more upsetting is that my other coworkers would join in. Nice people that I would joke around with and liked working with. My store manager once casually referred to the Jews ‘controlling the banks’ during a conversation with me. And they could have been willful antisemites like my coworker, sure, but it's more likely that they'd incorporated these stereotypes and conspiracies into their objective worldviews and didn't feel nervous to express them because there are very few repercussions for antisemitism in day-to-day life. They become surprised and uncomfortable when they learn that you’re Jewish, when you don’t look like the happy merchant rubbing his hands together counting his shekels. You can literally see in their faces how your presence disturbs their preconceptions and how they cease to relate to you at all. I’d just like goyim to keep this in mind. Maybe challenge the people in your life when they express these opinions, even if you know they’re not being malicious.

[chloe-caulfield94]

The demonic bargain of the Storm

I think that the most accurate interpretation of Max's nightmare in general and the character of Other Max in particular is that it symbolizes an internal struggle of Max against her fear, self-doubt and self-loathing. I think that interpretation most likely corresponds to what the writers intended and is most firmly rooted in the game.

Having said that, I think there's also a different interpretation that fits the events of the game quite well. Not a psychological, but a metaphysical interpretation of Max's nightmare and the final choice. In which Other Max is not just a figment of Max's mind and the Storm is not just a meteorological phenomenon. Rather, they are both facets of an independent, conscious and malicious entity. An entity of the kind that we usually call demons.

Now, one might say that a demon would be out of place in Life is Strange. Would it really be, though? In Season 1 and BtS there's plenty of metaphysical events already.

Max's reality bending power that despite the best efforts of Max, Chloe and Warren cannot be explained away using "chaos theory". Chaos theory could only be used to explain the reverberating effects of rewinding time. But it most certainly doesn't explain how Max is manipulating time with a flick of her wrist.

Rachel's fire and/or wind based power, which was only teased and never thoroughly explored, but definitely seemed to escape any rational explanation.

Numerous sightings of various "spirit animals".

Rachel's ghost, in the form a doe, guiding Max to Rachel's grave.

Chloe's visions of William, which may have been just nightmares, but may also have been her communing with the dead.

The blue butterfly, which may have been a guardian angel, or another spirit animal, or something else entirely, but most certainly wasn't just an insect.

Life is Strange has always had a strong undercurrent of spiritualism and mysticism. Just listen to one of Samuel's talks.

So with all that already present in the game, is a demon really that far out?

Let's imagine that just like Samuel said, there's a powerful spirit lingering in Arcadia Bay. However, that being is anything but benevolent. You could call it a demon, you could call it a vengeful local deity. Maybe it has always been always hostile. Or maybe it is just a reflection of the hearts and souls of Arcadia Bay's dwellers. And as the dwellers became more and more hateful, cruel and greedy, they tainted the town's spirit too, making it malevolent.

Whatever it was and however it came to be the way it was in October of 2013, the spirit had acquired a taste for evil.

And the dwellers of Arcadia Bay provided a steady supply of it. Sadists kidnapping and tormenting others for their sick "art". Bullies driving others to the brink with their hatred. Drug dealers preying on minors.

But evil acts done by evil people quickly become predictable. Boring.

And that's when Max came back to town. Someone unique. Someone with a beautiful heart. Full of love, strength and courage, even if Max herself didn't realize it yet.

Just like Jefferson wanted to turn the "innocence" of his victims into "corruption", to taint, despoil, contaminate, brand them, the spirit wanted to do the same to Max. It wanted to empty her heart of love. To break her strength. To replace her courage with doubt. And that would be achieved by tempting Max, the genuinely good, kind and well-meaning person, into commiting the worst sin of all.

In the interpretation I'm proposing, the final choice represents Max being tempted to sin. The sin she is being tempted to commit is the rejection of love. Just like love (both romantic and platonic) is the root of everything good in the world, the rejection of love is the ultimate sin, in which all other sins are contained - hatred, greed, cruelty, disdain. Max is tempted to reject Chloe's love, to take back her own love, to erase it, to make it so that it never even happened.

One could say it's unfair to maintain that sacrificing Chloe would be a sin on Max's part, because she would do it to save the town. But that's the whole point! Temptation is not about presenting someone with a choice that is obviously evil, both at its core and at the surface. Temptation is about presenting someone with a choice that is evil in its essence, but is dressed up as something else. Usually it's dressed up as something alluring, something pleasurable.

But the best kind of temptation (and by "best" I mean the most insidious and most effective) way of tempting is to present something evil as something that would lead to "a greater good". To present something evil as a "necessary evil". To make someone consciously commit an act of evil by inducing in them a mistaken belief that there's no other way forward but to commit this act of evil.

That's precisely what Max is being tempted with. She is told to become an "everyday hero". To save her hometown. But to do that, she must commit the ultimate sin - reject love. This is truly a demonic bargain.

In my mind, by tearing up the photograph, Max defeats her tempation. She sees through the rotten, sadistic deal she has been offered. She chooses not to commit an act of evil. Rejecting love and friendship, taking back the hope you've given someone, leaving them to die alone, abandoned and afraid - it's always an act of evil. Always a sin. No matter what it would accomplish on the physical plane.

There is no such thing as a necessary evil. EVIL IS NEVER NECESSARY. And a lesser evil is evil still. You are only responsible for the things you choose. So if you choose evil, you are responsible for it. Even if it's a lesser evil, even if you've deluded yourself into thinking that it's a necessary one.

If you're presented with a choice to stop a greater evil at the cost of commiting a lesser evil and you refuse to do so, that doesn't make you responsible for the greater evil. On the contrary, it shows you chose no evil at all.

[trainingdummyrabbit]

oooooooobhhhh...... would it be alright if you talked abt ur ocs......... if it's not a bother.......

stands here like some sort of beast . this took me two days. im so sorry. inhales

i can absolutely talk abt my ocs yeah :D never ever a bother!!

this is rose and wolfe! theyre two of my lobcorp ocs whom i love very dearly :] they (and the rest of their group) have their own lil story going on, but i say that very loosely bc im just having fun honestly ^_^ and they sure do love making decisions that make that Rather Difficult For Me. but alas, anyhow,

this is inevitably going to get Pretty Fucking Long! (post-post edit. ~35 paragraphs.) so if youre prepared for that. 👍 yippy!! anyway hope you like fucked up little lesbians bc here we go

im probably going to be retreading ground here a bit bc im gonna try and take it from the top, but also because i dont remember what ive said and what i havent so ill just say whatever i remember ^_^

the basic gist of th storyline is that its kind of a pseudo-murdermystery but instead of dying u get turned into some sort of beastie ! ^_^ aka 'nobody knows what the distortion phenomenon is yet and are kinda too busy freaking out about it to notice headquarters exploded last week'. dont worry about that.

slaps notes on the table. this is gonna be really messy and maybe kinda incomprehensible but its ok bc this is just how its going to be. hope this helps.

OK LISTEN. they started out as one thing and then slowly kinda turned into something else and theyve been haunting me for months but they make talking about them Literally Impossible because of how much they just. fucking cling to each other, narratively. its impossible. they make everything so fucking difficult.

wolfe is some offshoot of a take on those Edgy Playground Wolf Ocs that you see a lot in middle school-- or well, thats the root of it. she was always going to be played fully seriously, but everyone was kinda written more silly-like towards the beginning anyhow. yknow, one of those 'orphan lab experiment who pretty much had to take care of themself and really hates people, with Cool Mysterious Powers theyre really conflicted about' type characters. and honestly a lot of that still sticks, really.

she presents herself in a kind of over-the-top way to try and get people to take her seriously and leave her alone, but honestly its just kind of . offputting.. in a way, shes kind of a stand-in for what its like to be a teenager (neurodivergence notwithstanding). sometimes the only thing you can do to get people to listen to you is to make a scene and yell really loud! and everyone will always discredit it as just something that happens while growing up, being "disobedient" because you want attention or want to be rebellious and contrary, but everything you feel IS real and it DOES hurt and nobody BELIEVES you so all you can do is yell LOUDER. its all theyll respond to. (and all it does is make people double down on what they think of you.)

wolfe is a character that is honestly kind of genuinely a bit extra, a little bit embarrassing, but very genuine. a lot of her life was spent not being able to decide what happened to her physically; just kinda pulled and prodded around whether she liked it or not; (again, the whole orphan lab experiment thing was never a lie.) and thrashing around is really all she can do about it. be inconvenient, irritating, hard to deal with; any small victory, any little foothold would do. unfortunately, most of what that's ever done is make things harder for herself. (she hates being expected to be something convenient to others, yet in her attempts to cast it away, forms her worldview to the dichotomy they set up around her. curious !)

so you have this fucked up lil thing and drop her into an lcorp facility. great superb fantastic. n then you give her some ego gear and it messes her up Big Time because guess what, her body is all sorts of fucked up and is Not reacting well with this whole thing, causing it to quite literally Stick and all those 'mild' side effects are now 'major' side effects and everyones Fussing over you again because youre an Anomaly and you Dont get any rest and youre still getting used to a body and mind that isnt Quite what it was before and you Cant leave since they need to figure out whats going on here and Oh God Fucking Damn It Its Again.

so its pretty fair that shes being Like That about the whole thing all things considered.

at this point shes just trying to make it through day by day without someone prodding her about something or another, just stop Staring at her already, fuck off. just one foot in front of the other and try not to think about it too hard. thumbsup 👍 more often than not she works alone; not just because of her own decisions, but also did you know cobalt scar gets a boost on low hp for the exchange of activating friendly fire? pretty crazy. shes kinda reckless and bound to get herself hurt anyway, so it doesnt really Change anything to just kinda.. send her out there without backup. not like she works well with others anyway, right? itd be pretty dangerous to pair her up with someone n all. yknow.

it kinda sucks, yknow? at this point shes so fucking tired of The Everything that honestly she just wants to get in and get out as quickly as possible without having to deal with any nonsense. shes still really pissed off about the entire Situation, still trying to keep any small bit of autonomy she gets to have, but like. well. sometimes it really is easier to just Do Your Job And Leave. finish your tasks and not think about it and not bother with anyone and fuck off until you have to do it again. thats how it always wouldve been anyway, right? easy. annoying. so, so annoying. god she fucking hates it here.

so anyway, rose. she sucks. she doesnt, but i have to say it every time i talk about her Or Else. shes the reason i have such a hard time talking about The Everything. and also why i had to rewrite this and take Two Days getting to it. she is just. So Much. shes an idiot. shes too smart for her own good. she would fit right in as a YA novel protagonist. this is all stalling on trying to explain what the hell is wrong with her.

honestly on a surface level shes pretty chill all things considered. mostly stays in her lane, gets along with people pretty easily, just kinda goes here, pretty good at small talk. she loves listening to people. she Loves listening to people. the problem. she isnt lying, per se, about her entire Presentation and general manner of being, but she isnt really honest either. shes disingenuous. kind of.

rose as a character is Very aware of how people act, and why they choose what they do in what situations. as such, she has gotten very good at Acting A Part rather than actually Living It. she loves listening to people because she wants to know who they are. not in a "i want to get to know my coworkers ^_^" type of way but in a "writing down all your character traits and quirks to record your habits" type of way. a weird sort of genre-awareness. she is very Very easily able to track exactly what type of person someone is and adjust the way she acts around them to... any sort of effect she wants to, honestly. mostly its just quelling dumb spats and getting people to stop being stupid like people tend to do, but every so often she isnt exactly averse to just kinda... messing with people. only a little! but she Could, if she Wanted to. which she doesnt. because shes nice.

rose sees interpersonal interaction as a complex 'game'. not by that name, but by that function. everyone always Expects something, in engaging with another, and all it really is at its core is getting what you want without giving too much ground. to figure out who the Other is without them figuring out who You are. its a competition. to understand what another person Is is what gives you the advantage. to know is to win, to be known is to lose. keep your cards as close to your chest as you can, and they cant control you. easy. its something everyone Does, but only a few acknowledge. she was just good enough to learn.

but like, admittedly, shes very chill. shes literally nice? like yeah all that but she is literally nice. shes fine. shes like... fine? shes all right. like Yeah it sounds bad when you put it like that but she is literally nice.

rose plays a lot with the idea of Symbol. shes a fully realized person, yeah, but she was never Expected to be. she exists mostly as a formality, and she knows thats all that was really expected of her. she was there to Fulfill An Ideal and little else; so she reaches for what she can when she can. be Sweet and Simple and Pretty-- that's all. and she isnt, she knows this, but it sure does make things simple when thats all people know of you. (impossible for people to dig for information people dont think exists.)

a flower in a broken vase unsure if its defined by the petals or the holes. shes someone intrinsically frustrated by the rules that define her, but is unable to comprehend a self without it. clinging to it because its the sole point of control she feels she can Have over things, but wishing to cast it aside to self realize and prove that shes worth the time of day to acknowledge. (she doesnt care what her caretakers thought of her, but still she defines her actions based on their idea of her. curious !)

so you have these two in the general vicinity of one another right.

rose initially interacts with wolfe as almost a game. a test, even. just to see if she could get anything out of the weird one that sulks in a corner by themself, refusing to interact with anyone. shes just curious, yknow? and wolfe, obviously, takes this about as well as you think she would. dont you have better things to do?? stop asking about my fucking hobbies. ..rose could always count on her for a reaction.

wolfe was very, Very resistant to playing along much at all. she thought that giving just simple brush-off responses would get her to get the hint that it wasnt worth bothering, but then rose would come back with more questions building off of whatever they'd talked about, just... idly talking at her. a frequent annoyance turning into just. consistent background noise. yeah this might as well be happening. but even still, the amount of things that rose remembered and considered and genuinely seemed to listen to kind of caught her off guard. it was... weird. it was really really weird.

it wasnt really all that hard to read what wolfe was feeling at any given moment. it was kind of funny, honestly, especially with how she tended to present herself. (honestly, how did everyone else just Miss all of this?) but after some time, rose was surprised to find that she started to just... speak to her frankly. it was stark, only every so often, almost as if she didnt realize the shift in her own tone. its around then that rose started piecing things together herself and... oh. ohh. (how did everyone just miss all of this?)

Bad News Motherfuckers! Its Fucking Over For Both Of You! wolfe finds someone who is genuinely willing to listen to her on the sole drive of simply Understanding Her, rather than wanting something in exchange, wanting something From her; and rose. god. she finds a reflection of exactly what she wishes she couldve been, things she couldve done, were she not shaped into what she Is. an understanding of something she'd never acknowledged, never knew was there, but was there with her the entire time. someone with a clear understanding of what they are, willing to fight tooth and nail to keep it, regardless of what anyone or anything else tries to do with them. things that the narrative constantly tries to take from them; things that rose wants so desperately to let wolfe keep.

so yknow, girl things. THIS is where things get really annoying.

rose seemed to enjoy messing with wolfe just for fun, but honestly shes just kinda taken by her honesty. she doesnt ever seem to have any ulterior motives when shes around her, she just… is. and does. because she wants to. rose honestly isnt really sure how to handle someone who isnt just… mildly bluffing at all times, especially about connection. that level of vulnerability is scary to her. so she teases her. she expects her being flustered-- and she is-- but still, she finds herself caught off guard by wolfe's earnestness.

even so, rose catches herself being far more open than she intends to be-- accidentally, at first, against her better judgement, but then tentatively, almost as if to test the waters. just how much could she show of herself and still uphold that trust? how many red flags can she put up before wolfe notices? no, that was unfair. before it becomes unforgivable. before it recontextualizes her. she cares, yes, genuinely and deeply so. (but what does that mean, coming from her?) she wants wolfe to be safe. (im asking you to leave.)

wolfe and rose both trust each other to a degree that they dont trust many others. its the passive understanding that theyre very much alike, and the even more silent knowledge that they want better for each other; in a roundabout way of knowing that they themselves deserved better, no matter how much they insist otherwise.

theyre very genuine with each other in a way that kind of surprises themselves. neither of them quite know what theyre doing, nor do they want to put a name to something so fleeting, but… its there.

wolfe desperately wants to be closer to rose, but hates that she desires that vulnerability. (it was always rather dangerous, showing your hand like that.) its an annoying fondness, constantly prickling at the back of her head any time rose is even remotely relevant. even when she isnt. shes kind of haunted. shes very defensive of her in a way she honestly doesnt realize until someone points it out. it just comes naturally to her. (whats the difference between a guard dog and an attack dog again..? (is she really ready to deal with the implications of this? is this not just having another will enacted on you? how does she really feel about that?))

rose, meanwhile, is… actually also conflicted. she likes wolfe. this is obvious. it wasnt intended, and she can roll with it, but it's… complicated. she handles it a lot more analytically. she notices when wolfe takes a step forward, and matches it in turn. equivalent exchange, and all. show that youve noticed, that you care, that youre paying attention. (i think she may be afraid. despite her presentation, she's afraid.)

she acknowledges the feeling of desire in this bond-- she wants wolfe to be able to live outside of others' influence. desperately. (if she cant, then…) she refuses to acknowledge what this says of Herself, though. but most importantly, she knows how easy it would be to simply take the role of someone who controls her. (isnt that just what she's always done to others?) she hates the idea of becoming that. (it would be so easy.) goes out of her way to avoid influencing her in that way-- but somehow, this just makes her more distant. hesitant to touch.

and with that fear, she tends to react, again, logically. tries to solve it like a puzzle, like she always has. finds the shortest distance to a perceived goal. this makes her rather distant, disconnected-- shes trying to control her own feelings by controlling what is around it.

what this means, most importantly, is that she is unable to trust wolfe the way She trusts her. she isnt strong enough to push back against what she sees of herself, or that which she uses to protect herself. giving in to those well-walked patterns instead of being able to brave uncertainty in something that new. she hides herself because she isnt sure what will become of her-- and is too afraid to risk what may come of losing the person she suddenly deeply cares about. setting herself up to crash harder should the worst happen. because she would simply blame herself. proving herself right.

meanwhile wolfe is dealing with Actually Trusting Someone for the first time in longer than she can remember, whether she likes it or not. maybe she was being stupid. maybe this was just a foolish foray into trusting people like she’d always told herself not to do. but… but. rose just brought this sense of comfort wherever she went, this feeling of certainty.

it was never good to let your guard down, but… but just this once, she so badly wanted to. once you let these things go, it becomes harder to get them back. she knew this. and yet, all the parts of her that protested were overruled by a deep desire to simply lie down and fall asleep in that comforting feeling. how frustrating. how annoying. how dangerous. now she had someone she could not argue against. and yet, she held this advantage as if she did not know it was one she wielded, a dangerous thing held without intent. was this trust? …did she want it to be?

and so, foolishly perhaps, she decided to trust. it was a tenuous thing, unbeknownst to anyone but herself. …probably. rose did have a way of seeing right through people. but even through all that, through the Everything… it felt nice to have someone to look out for. someone to worry about, someone on your mind when there used to be nobody else but you. she’d spent so long worrying about the repercussions of leaving your back to someone, yet she’d never known the comfort of having someone do the same to you. she’d never realized how hard it was to do much of anything with fangs bared the entire way. the ache of worry was dull compared to the weight of silence. (she would give her Everything to her. all or nothing, with her. maybe this was simply part of the inevitable problem.)

hey remember the whole turning-into-creatures thing? yeah thats still happening. crazy right? anyway. The Problem.

so you have people turning into things not quite unlike abnormalities, expressions of deep fears and desires running away with what used to be a human. and youve got some fucked up little guy with a Lot of barely repressed issues thats deceptively easy to mess with and actively averse to anybody really reaching out to them whatsoever.

and then rose is trying her best to figure out whats causing all this bullshit going on, but also her . coworker. is suddenly acting Really snappy and distant and its kinda starting to make her worried and she doesnt want to push her but shes looking really rough lately and fuck. wait. god. wait. shit.

long inhale. so you have two stupid motherfuckers 100% willing to drop everything and kill everyone in this facility and then themselves if anything so much as happens to the other (but theyre super normal about it, its fine, the other doesnt have to know.) theyre so good at this interpersonal interaction thing guys they swear (dont look too close though ok haha.) theyre sooo unknowable guys theyre really pulling a fast one on everyone here. they Definitely know what to do to fix the problem forever its fine they totally get it. dont stop them.

anyway heres a bunch of images for no reason

[system-of-a-feather]

you mentioned being interested in research about the consciousness! so, what’s your opinion on jim tucker’s research, if you’re alright talking about it?

Oh boy I actually haven't looked at Jim Tucker's stuff in ages. I think I looked at it way back when I was first getting interested in research on psychology and consciousness? Like when I was like 13??? That isn't to say I'm particularly well read or informed on his stuff so I might have some video talks of his on in the background while I do things and see if I'd like to add anything to this post after the fact.

I will say, I am largely of the camp in consciousness research (I forgot who I first heard talk about it and I think the video is no longer up on youtube but a while back I was making my way down this channel / podcast but only got like... through the first few videos) where I largely do not believe that consciousness is anything of a "real" thing beyond the subjective experience of it and that the experience of consciousness is largely a phenomenon that is a byproduct of the human brain using schemas to calculate, predict, analyze and interpret the world around us. Of course, thats my preferred opinion on it because consciousness research is largely super duper up in the air what with how there is really little to no clear evidence of any part of the brain being responsible for consciousness / sense of self / a soul / etc at least since I did a last reading into it.

That said, I do find Jim Tucker's research to be really interesting and I don't really have any direct questions or counter questions to ask on the topic since I haven't really thought *too* much on it or read any of the direct papers to see the extent of how they've done the research beyond them discussing it briefly in interviews and podcasts and what not. I personally am a skeptic because of my aforementioned bias of believing that there is likely no consciousness that could be "reincarnated", but I also don't really have any good alternative explanations beyond "I think there are probably alternative explanations that I haven't spent the time to think about."

That said, I do find it a bit interesting - particularly from a more philosophical end than a more grounded research end - the possibility of the research and it's potential implications. If I suspend my disbelief rooted in my lack of ability to see a philological mechanism for reincarnation, I do find that the idea of the recycling of matter into the overall life cycle somehow also manufacturing an "error" in memory being retained from one incarnate of life to the next to be particularly interesting and I also do find it an interesting potential that if we do bite into the heavily speculative but also genuine research question of "is our world actually a simulation and would we know it" - assuming that the world IS a simulation; reincarnation, without being inherently religious or spiritual, could theoretically very much be explained through computer science and errors

(Which I do really like to hear people talk about what it would look like for us if we were in a simulation, its just a fun thing to listen to)

I'm honestly intrigued to see where the research would go. I'm a skeptic, but I definitely could see it having some valuable merit to it. Iirc Jim Tucker and her predecessor have explicitly tried to approach this in the least spiritual / religious manner possible? I can't really say for sure but I'd have to read into it.

Funny thing is, I've actually been raised in a family that - despite being primarily Catholic in nature - has always believed and talked about reincarnation alongside everything else and so the topic is something that I've actually always been raised around.

Ironically, as a practicing Buddhist, I don't really believe in the more popularized understanding of reincarnation in the west that interprets it as a soul that gets "reborn" as much as I do believe that reincarnation - in terms of philosophy and my practice - is the act of individuals returning to the overall connected whole. From there I absolutely could see that some essence or subjective sense of "you" may be reforged in the next expression of the world, but that's a whole esoteric thought experiment of it's own.

[etf12546-sw]

Interracial Dating Guide #dating

Bless and Release.

Hello, I’m Jay Ramal, a 36-year-old man with roots in northern India and a hint of Middle Eastern heritage.

Standing at 5 feet 11 inches with an athletic build, I’ve journeyed through life as a passionate yogi, a dedicated affiliate marketer in the dating niche, and an interracial dating coach. Before we dive into the heart of this guide on interracial dating and marriage, let me tell you a bit more about myself.

Unlike some of our other videos, this one is audio-only. So, close your eyes, sit back, and let your imagination do the work.

I’ve had the unique experience of dating women from 28 different nationalities. You’d think the differences would be striking, wouldn’t you? Women from lands far from the homeland of my ancestors, with appearances vastly different from mine.

And yet, in many cases, I discovered striking similarities in how we were wired psychologically. Sometimes, without even talking about it, we just understood each other.

Some women shared common words, up to 20 percent, with my native languages and Sanskrit. This included women from the Middle East and Eastern Europe, creating a bond that transcended borders.

It’s a fascinating experience. If you’ve had something similar, please share it in the comments below.

Now, my passion lies in staying fit and healthy and helping others navigate the often complex world of relationships. That’s why I started WealthyLoveWell.com—to guide folks through the dating market, especially when it comes to dating across cultures.

I was born in the USA but eventually found my way to Australia, where I met my wife, an Australian woman of white Anglo-Saxon descent.

I’ve always held progressive and liberal views. I’m not particularly religious, though I grew up in a Roman Catholic family with very Westernized values.

My love for meeting women from all races and cultures stems from a genuine excitement for learning and experiencing life from different perspectives. You could say I’ve been a serial interracial dater.

And in 2024, I took one of those DNA tests—you know the type. It turns out I’m not just Indian. I’ve got a little bit of Middle Eastern and Northern European (Viking heritage) mixed in there, too. It’s a small world.

This revelation got me thinking about the concept of interracial dating. It’s not just an idea; it’s a practical reality of life on this tiny blue planet. As Carl Sagan once said, we live on a “mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.” Our geographical differences are so small that we’re practically living on top of each other on the scale of the universe.

Yet, despite our genetic similarities, cultural differences can sometimes make us feel like we’re worlds apart. We differ in how we process emotions, facts, political views, family values, and our sense of right and wrong. In many ways, we think more differently than we look.

So, I’ve put together a checklist for interracial dating and marriage. It’s drawn from my own experiences dating women from 28 different nationalities. Keep in mind that this is based on my journey, and your experience may differ. That’s okay. The goal here is to help you navigate and ensure that your dating journey leads to a fulfilling relationship, possibly even marriage, if that’s what you aim for.

Before we dive in, I’d appreciate your support. If you could, hit the like and subscribe buttons, and share this content with anyone who might benefit from it.

Now, let’s begin with the checklist.

Number 1 on the list is the “herd instinct.”

If you’re dating someone from a culture like Indian, Italian, Greek, Spanish, Middle Eastern, Eastern European, Latin American, or Pacific Islander, you might come across this phenomenon. Feel free to add more examples in the comments if you wish.

This herd instinct is something I know all too well. It’s the sense of belonging, the need to stay close to one’s family and community. When you date someone with this instinct, you’re not just dating them but their entire family.

If Nona or Abuela welcomes you, you’re quickly accepted as part of the herd, one of their own. As Dominic Toretto said in “Fast & Furious 8,” “For family.”

I find dating people from these cultures highly relatable to my own experience. Often, their extended families live nearby, and there are regular family gatherings, grand dinners, and birthday parties almost every Saturday. Attendance? Almost mandatory. People in these communities draw energy, comfort, and solace from being close to their herd, which is beautiful. Isn’t it?

If you come from a different background, you might find it hard to influence your partner to move away to another state or country. And even if they do, they may still long to rejoin the herd together at some point in your life. This can create tension in your relationship or marriage.

So, if you’re dating someone from these cultures and you have plans to move away, know that it could cause friction. Be kind and upfront. It’s unfair to expect someone to change who they are to please you.

Ask the serious question—are they willing to move away, knowing they may not see their family every week or join the herd regularly? If your date or partner is unsure or seems unconvincing in keeping you, “bless and release” may be the most unselfish thing to do.

Or you must be willing to join, like that dude from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” who joined the big Greek family and went along for the ride. If you are willing to fully immerse yourself in their culture, this is a good sign to continue the relationship.

Number 2 – The sacred cow issue.

If you have dated an Indian, Middle Eastern, Black, Hispanic, Spanish, Russian, or Italian person, and you happen not to get along with their mother or grandmother, you may have said something disparaging, like calling them a cow in an argument with your partner, and shortly after found yourself being dumped or your marriage ended.

For the above cultures, the mother is the sacred cow. You must be willing to handle disputes with kindness and tact, even if she is wrong. Therefore, if you do not think you can handle matters tactfully and calmly in a sacred manner, it is better to “bless and release” them or not get into relationships with people who hold their mothers in the same light as the sacred cow.

Save yourself and them from future tensions, or again, I say, bless and release.

#dating #interracialdating

Wealthylovewell.com

[fauxkaren]

Boys Over Flowers - 6/10

Last weekend I was bored and searching for something to watch on Netflix and Netflix was like "HEY THIS SHOW IS LEAVING NETFLIX ON MAY 1ST" and since Boys Over Flowers is a classic K-drama, I figured I should watch it before I'd have to put in more effort to find it. And to be honest, in spite of the lukewarm score I gave it, I don't regret it. Sure it's not like an objectively great show (though def watchable!) but it became a phenomenon for a reason. It's a story that has a lot of fun tropes. A poor girl gets a scholarship to a ritzy school where she comes into conflict with the F4, a group of powerful and rich seniors consisting of Jun-pyo (the bully and ringleader of the group - heir to a conglomerate), Ji-hoo (musical genius grandson of a former president), Yi-jeong (a pottery prodigy) and Woo-bin (lol the forgotten member that doesn't add much to the show but he's the son of a mob boss). Shenanigans and love triangles ensue.

Boys Over Flowers was made in 2009 and it SHOWS. (lol did you like the Blingee i found for this post to really get us into the 2009 frame of mind?) Not just in the hair and fashion (ESPECIALLY THE HAIR OH MY GOD THE HAIR ON THE BOYS), but in the kind of stuff it was acceptable for male leads to get away with and still be seen as desirable and an aspirational romantic partner. But you know what, viewing it through a 2009 lens, I get it. I get why it was such a massive hit. I am pretty sure that "almost paaaaradise" is now permanently engraved on my soul because damn the theme song is catchy as fuck and I can see why it's a common joke and a cultural reference.

That said... We can all agree the Jun-pyo sucks, right? lol. Goddamn he's just so sullen and sulky and surly and spoiled and like why does Jan-di want to be with him? IDGI. I hate the idea that she has to be with him because she's the only one who can make him act like a decent person or whatever. Like he doesn't really bring anything to enhance her life. Jun-pyo has only ever added pain and drams to Jan-di's life. Ji-hoo, on the other hand, actually makes Jan-di laugh and smile, and she seems to genuinely enjoy spending time with him, even just doing mundane things? Like in ep 23 there are two separate flashback montage scenes. One with Jan-di and Ji-hoo and there are a lot of cute and fun memories. And then one with Jun-pyo and Jan-di and it's like... 3 scenes because that's all the footage there is of them being happy together, lmao. Whatever. I'm not going to get mad over ships from a 2009 K-drama that is based on a manga from the 90s and has been adapted a million times. I will just accept it and instead focus on the MUCH better ship...

Ga-eul and Yi-jeong!! Ga-eul is Jan-di's best friend since kindergarten and Yi-jeong is the member of F4 who is a pottery prodigy. Their relationship is a much slower burn and I think that's why I was more invested. Yi-jeong actually worked through his issues over time in a believable way so I was way more inclined to root for him to get his shit together and end up with the sweetie Ga-eul.

[sunset-synthetica]

Okay first let me preface this by saying I have not seen Transformers Earthspark. I’ve seen some news, interviews, and some clips from the official channel, but I haven’t seen one full episode, so I’m not gonna pretend I know enough to properly criticise it.

That being said, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FANDOM SAYING ABOUT OPTIMUS??? I just looked at the TVTropes page for the show, and for some fucking reason, Optimus has been labelled “Professional Butt-Kisser”??? Like holy shit, I haven’t even WATCHED it and I can tell that’s bullshit. The fandom is acting so fucking STUPID and now Optimus is suffering from the lack of media literacy!!!

Well like. Optimus is essentially working with GHOST (Bayverse NEST-esque government organization) and arresting + jailing Decepticons and it takes him a whole ass season to do something abt it while there's on god police brutality happening in front of him 😭 so in that essence he IS a butt kisser. Not that I like it.

There's something to be said about the very real phenomenon of people selling out their community by working with the people in power because they genuinely see it as a way to improve conditions. For example, campaigning for heavier policing in disenfranchised communities to "lower" crime rate or prevent violence while doing the exact opposite, and also not at all addressing the root cause- that is, systemic poverty, racism, gentrification, etc- because they genuinely believe it will help.

But I don't think that's at all well represented with Optimus' actions in ES. The entire thing just comes across as him being wilfully ignorant in order for Megatron to step in and make a cool speech about second chances.

[wednak]

Weddud Wednesday #5: A void we all try to avoid

Lol first things first, I wish I could claim the copyrights to that hilarious title but unfortunately it was a joke that I read a few weeks ago in the book that I’m reading. When I saw it, it immediately sparked the idea for this type of post so here I am, venturing into the void we all try so hard to avoid venturing into.

I’ve had a really long and somewhat stressful day, and I’m exhausted, so today, I don’t really feel like being teachy explainer Nn, I kind of feel like being genuine and vulnerable Nn. So I thought I’d just try to share without thinking too much about what I’m writing.

I can remember several different conversations that you and I have had about “the void” and all the different strategies we use to fill up the feeling of that void with things/people/activities, etc.

Before I read that joke about the void we all try to avoid, I’d never really thought to connect this idea of the “void” that you and I have talked about to other psychological concepts or ideas that I know of.

Cuz what is that void actually? Is it memories of past experiences and trauma? Is it negative emotions we don’t want to feel? Is it insecurities and parts of ourselves that we want to hide from others? Is it all of the above and more? Or is it something else entirely?

I don’t actually know the correct answer to this and somewhat doubt that there even could be one. But there are a few different ideas that have popped into my mind while I’ve been thinking about this for the past few weeks.

As humans, I think we all probably have the same foundational void that comes along with being a conscious being in this marvelously beautiful and tragic universe that we find ourselves in. It seems like a rather unlikely phenomenon that humans would respond to human consciousness, the knowledge of good and evil and the awareness of our coming death with anything other than complete and utter overwhelm and existential dread.

Life is fucking weird man. It just is. There is so much happiness and so much suffering and the knowledge of all of it is a handful to deal with on an everyday basis.

I don’t know if this has any scientific basis but to me it makes a whole lot of sense that once humans realized what the fuck their consciousness had just unlocked for them, our minds and bodies would work really hard to be like oooook, if we can’t unlearn this shit anymore let’s at least just suppress that knowledge back down as far as it can go so we don’t have to think about that fucking mess and become completely debilitated from functioning as a living organism.

So I think in a way, we all probably have a collective void that we really don’t like to think about. All of these things that cause discomfort, anxiety, fear, sadness or whatever reaction we might want to lump into “existential dread”. That sort of meaninglessness that we know deep down is at the root of our very existence.

Religion exists across culture because it provides us with a meaning, a WHY and a way out of the meaninglessness. That makes sense to me. And it also makes sense that everyone these days is losing their goddamn minds because we have nothing else to replace that anchor with.

Responsibility for children, a project, a job, a community or group of people is probably also a really good tool to help anchor us to something that resembles “stability”. Good luck bringing that one up today lol.

Marriage is probably also up there. Being shackled into a commitment that you can’t escape from, no matter how badly you want to or how badly you screw up. And yet we dish out divorces like they’re candy. Ahhhhh 2018 me.

We’ve pretty much eradicated all of the “effective” strategies that humans have used for thousands if not millions of years to cope with innocent Eve eating that apple in the garden. No fucking wonder that everyone is turning to fucked up coping mechanisms to deal with the void.

All of that is the collective part of the void that I’ve been thinking about. The part that we all kind of have in common.

But then people also have their individual voids that they are trying to avoid, don’t they?

The shit I’m running from, that is different from what you’re running from, that is different from what my mom is running from, that is different from what your dad is running from.

That part of the void is probably more like the personal shit we experience and suppress because we don’t know how to deal with it and so the only strategy we know is to stuff it somewhere where it is outside of our conscious awareness.

This is literally when I had the idea that the void could be what Jung called the Shadow.

Should not have been a surprise lol.

You have the collective aspect which is part of what he called the Collective Unconscious. And then you have the personal aspect which is part of what he called the Personal Unconscious.

Shadow is such a good word for it too imo. Because it really fucking feels like a Shadow doesn’t it?

It’s always there and creeping right behind you but it’s never quite with you either and it isn’t “real” enough for you to grab or get a hold of. You can feel it but at the same time it also just feels empty and numb.

This murky thing that always follows us no matter where we go.

Sure, if we face away from it, we can’t really see it. And if we try hard enough we might momentarily forget that it’s right behind us. But at the end of the day, it never actually goes away.

I think the thing I love about psychology so much is probably that it gives you at least some tools to deal with all the personal things you’re running from. They’re so different for everybody but on average, people can usually find something that helps them face whatever trauma or insecurity they might have suppressed out of conscious awareness. And thus reduce that feeling of emptiness and numbness that happens as a result.

Now the existential void is a whole other can of worms. I don’t know if that one will ever go away, even with religion, responsibility, marriage, children or whatever else humans cook up to try to deal with it.

“There is a burden that comes with this level of power. The burden of knowing. Or maybe the burden of knowing that you can never know. That at the end of everything, the only thing that is certain is you and your relationship with god or the universe or whatever it is you want to call it. Nothing really matters, and that’s why everything matters. Despite all the burdens, it’s the greatest freedom I’ve ever known and the greatest that life has to offer.”

I’ve tried so many times of the years but I’ve never really been able to put into words exactly what my life used to feel like before I reached that level of insight.

I think the thing that inspired me about the void is that it comes pretty close.

It was like I was numb and empty in a place in my mind and my heart where there should have been some sort of feeling. That a part of my experience of life had to be made unconscious for otherwise I couldn’t have functioned in the way a normal child or teenager is expected to function. But I had absolutely zero awareness that it was happening. I had so freaking little self-awareness in general because if I had had more of it, I would have been aware of how miserable I was and I don’t know if I could have figured out how to deal with that.This part of myself that felt unheard and abandoned, that should have felt shattered by the pain, rejection and inauthenticity I was experiencing.

But what did I do, instead I projected all of that anxiety, fear and sadness onto intense insecurities about things that the universe provided as an excuse and that I had a vague sense of control over.. having bad hair or skin, being too tall, being too skinny, … Looking back on it now, I can see that sure, I might have been a bit of a lanky, awkward kid with frizzy hair and bad teenage skin and those things might have fueled my negative self-image as I was growing up. But that deep-rooted self-hatred that bubbled up from the void every time I looked at myself in the mirror or in a photograph didn’t really have anything to do with my hair or my skin or my boobs. That came from a place so much deeper where there was an endless source of anxiety, anger, fear, grief and sadness.

Is it weird that thinking about the void in the way I talked about it today kind of just makes me feel better about all of that?

I guess it’s the realization that while we all have our personal shit that we run from and that stuff can be rough, there’s always an element of just having normal human existential dread to deal with as we grow up. And damn if you’re not given the proper tools to learn to deal with that, then that alone is already enough to make people run to the shittiest of coping mechanisms in an attempt to erase that void.

Pretty sure I was somewhat all over the place today and my thoughts weren’t structured as smoothly as usual but sometimes that’s just life and I’m rolling with it.

Maybe next time when it’s 2 am and I’m only half a human, I’ll do a Nn deep dive into what it felt like to finally open that void and realize all the shit that came pouring out. I always talk about how important it is to face all the repressed trauma and all the usual stuff but I don’t think I usually admit how thin the line is between getting a hold on that wave in order to ride it out and being pulled under in the flood of negative emotions.

There are days when I realize how easily I could have been completely drowned by it all. And then I’m not 100% certain as to what it was that helped me stay afloat.

People who are close to me always tell me that I’m too self-righteous. That I make people feel judged or shamed when I push them to become the best version of themselves because it makes them feel like they are falling short of some bar that I have deemed worthy.

There is so much to unpack in that which has nothing to do with what I was writing about and which I am also entirely too tired to do right now. But I guess maybe the unexpected place that this post has carried me today is this:

I hope you know that judgement is never my intention. This path of self-healing is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my life but it is also the most painful and the most difficult thing and while I personally think it is worth it, I understand that there are real dangers to people opening up that door. I understand why people don’t want to or can’t do it.

And I think in today’s culture where personal development and working on yourself has become such a trendy thing to do, it’s really important to remember that a person’s worth doesn’t depend on any of it.

Alrighti, sappy Nn needs to post this and go to bed now before she changes her mind about being too sappy. Or at least more sappy than usual. Which of course she then followed by…

Non refert ubi es, ego semper tecum.

Nn

[froggierboy]

time for my routine post about how living w my parents in adulthood is unlocking new levels of mental illness

[weirdmageddon]

another rant about fanfic/fancontent and characterization

ive been on FIRE with hot takes the past week it just all started bubbling to the surface i guess. people are gonna hate me for this one but i have to address the elephant in the room

i think a lot of ppl need to read this quote. this is….exactly fucking it. what ive been trying to articulate this whole time. this is why so much fanfic pisses me off and drives me away. they explained the phenomenon PERFECTLY

Decades ago, Devra Langsam (coeditor and publisher of SPOCKANALIA, the first Star Trek fanzine, beginning in 1967) codified this in what came to be known as "Langsam's Law." In an essay published in WARPED SPACE 50 (1984, T'Kuhtian Press), Paula Smith described it thusly: “In writing media-based fiction there is a special caveat: Langsam's Law, or, ‘Don't Make Him Say That.’ Don't make an established character do or say something out of line with his established character, or if you must, give good, solid reasons why. If you must write a Darth-Vader-is-really-a-pussycat story, explain in the story why he also strangles crewmen when irked.” And the debate has raged ever since. For my own part, I initially was somewhat startled to realize, upon reading my first fanzine those many decades ago, that other people could and did interpret these characters somewhat differently than I did. After a while I concluded that there was a continuum of logical characterization—always demonstrably rooted in canon—along with the who-the-fuck-are-these-people "interpretations." As far as I can tell, these are based on projection, wish fulfillment, and/or what I call "spackletext" (as opposed to genuine subtext) from writers (well, story posters, at least) who want the characters to meet their specific desires in emotional/physical/therapeutic gratification and are completely oblivious or simply uncaring as to how that is achieved.”

seriously. the way so many people treat characters as like empty-calorie junk food instead of getting genuine gratification from properly understanding them in canon, without selfishly appropriating them, as if they were real people with depth makes me sick. how do you consume content in that way?? and moreover, why do so many other people enjoy it????

this is what i've been thinking for years but i didnt know how to say it without people flipping out on me. like it's ALWAYS empty wish fulfillment it makes me wanna EXPLODE. that's why those boring nonsensical ships always exist in every fandom: it's for projection. so they’re as easily gratifying to their desires as possible. it sucks so much because like. i can't imagine what kind of catharsis they expect to achieve from something like this????? it's not even using these characters therapeutically as much as it is just using them as comfort junk food

i made a domino’s vs new york slice analogy to a friend the other day: “it’s enlightening to me that people don’t think about him this way. like what do you mean “wow”. you have all been fed garbage characterization. that’s like people who all they know is domino’s and think they know what real pizza is and have never had a new york slice”. so imagine if new york pizza wasnt bound to the new york area and you could get new york style pizza anywhere in the world, it just takes longer to prepare. it’s like these people are consistently choosing domino’s because they want it now and fast without regard for method or depth of care put into the art of pizzamaking itself because their bar for quality food is at the ocean floor. its like fast food to them they just want instant self gratification no matter how shitty the texture and taste are

why you people enjoy consuming empty fucking calories i will never understand to save my life. i WANT to understand but nobody, NOBODY can give me a well-reasoned answer. the only one that answers this is the one in the above quote, that that too many people are afraid to admit: “it’s based on projection, wish fulfillment, and/or what I call "spackletext" (as opposed to genuine subtext) from writers who want the characters to meet their specific desires in emotional/physical/therapeutic gratification and are completely oblivious or simply uncaring as to how that is achieved.”

see that’s like fucking sacrilege to the character, original work, AND audience to me. how would the canon character feel about this. if you hate the original canon so much that you turn it in its head why are you writing about it in the first place??? what the hell is even redeeming about the media in general to you?? if you do that, i’m not emotionally attached to anything in the story anymore, you have to resell it to me. but even then i’m not here for whatever weird ungrounded from canon au youre trying to write i’m here to see a deeper exploration of the same ideas presented in a given piece of media. that’s why i’m reading. fanfic. and not. an original story

i just think that not only is proper characterization an artful discipline that shows you can step out of your own impulsive wants, but proper characterization also displays an author’s genuine love and devotion for a series or a character. it shows you how much someone cares about this thing, you know they put their heart and soul into caring to get it right. it’s made with real love, time, devotion, like a samurai mastering his blade. going into understanding their inner workings and spending so much time to properly understand it because they care about it so much. and it’s very obvious when you see it. accordingly, the opposite is true—sloppy characterizations made out of wishful thinking and self-gratification without bothering to understand the character, feels… well, rather cheap. like fast food. you don’t get the same strong sense of devotion to deeply understanding that thing. so the question bears repeating: why do people want this empty-calorie fast food? in fics with proper characterizations, the people in the comments act as if they saw heaven and praise the author. they way they comment suggests it’s such a rare occurence. but why. why is it a fucking rare occurrence. shouldn’t this be the norm? is it really that rare for people to be devoted to properly understanding the depths of a media and its characters? am i the fucking weird one here for having this kind of discipline and getting deep satisfaction from the art of understanding characters????? do other people find it too hard and i’m confused because i expect it to be as easy to see as i do? or do they just simply not give a shit about the principle?

when people turn canon on its head, it makes me wonder: how much do people actually like the media they consume? do they like the actual characters themselves? or do they merely like the idea of these characters and ignore what is manifest about them for their own ideal interpretations that serve their own desires?

on one hand i'm like “it's not hurting anyone, the world already has enough pain in it, you can't judge people for wanting to escape it for a bit”. cause like, if it makes them happy then i shouldn't be upset about that. i'm glad people are able to find joy in these things that i can't, and i don't want to spoil something that causes genuine happiness for these people. then on the other hand i'm like “okay but all those empty calories can't possibly be good for you. you can consume media in much richer and satisfying ways”

[skyfirecn]

Okay so not an AU but somewhat of a follow-up to my thoughts on the Amphibia ending. I think I finally understand part of why the whole trio drifting apart thing bugged me.

So, the calamity trio drifting apart in high school and into their early adult lives was framed as, in a way, the intended goal all along. They chat and stuff from time to time - assumedly - but they need time apart to grow as individuals. However, what bothers me about this is that it completely ignores the validity of collaborative growth; that is, growing as a person with the help of others.

I thoroughly couldn’t, and still can’t, understand the idea of separating the core trio to such a degree because I believe very firmly in the power of collaborative growth. You may argue that the girls can still benefit from time apart, and sure, I’m not saying that they needed to be all they had. However, the three had their time apart in Amphibia. They’ve grown individually. It makes much more sense for them to move to growing together in order to figure out how their friendship dynamics have changed with their individual progress.

I think this is also why I, personally, found the small handful of interactions between the three in the ten year time skip to be oddly disjointed. They felt both closer than they should, and simultaneously more detached than they should, and it was kind of jarring. I think it’s because the story attempted to reap the benefits of collaborative growth, something the three would contribute to over time that would help them re-establish their bonds and reinvent their relationships with each other, while not actually committing to it. I can’t say for sure what the team behind Amphibia had in mind when writing this, but I have a suspicion that this outcome was influenced in part by the surge of the self-help craze - or more broadly, the strange cultural phenomenon that only we can help ourselves, and that while we may learn from others, we can’t define ourselves through others to any degree.

I’ve always found it to be a bit of an odd concept, since it seems to actively discourage people from pursuing and maintaining outside relationships, especially in the way of compromise and navigating shifting dynamics. Judging by how ingrained it is in our culture by now, I wouldn’t find it at all surprising if the writers genuinely thought that collaborative growth was out of the question in Amphibia’s ending. It’s too bad, too, because that felt like the natural progression of the girls’ relationship to me.

There’s nothing wrong with relating who you are to the people you care about - you see it in media all the time, really. Characters will often find value in their lives through who they are to other people. Who will look after this person if I don’t? Who will play with this kid if I’m not there? Who will break the ice at family get-togethers if not me? Again, this isn’t a bad thing. It also isn’t a bad thing to define yourself outside of what you mean to others, as self-help dictates. I think it’s just a matter of balance. You shouldn’t let other people’s opinions of you completely dictate your life, but you shouldn’t deny how you impact others entirely either.

It’s just too bad that Amphibia doesn’t seem to maintain that balance, and treats the very idea of collaborative growth among the three girls as if it’s impossible, because I think it’s very possible and would be amazing content to see. What makes it strange is that the three’s individual growth is actually done through collaborative growth with side characters and the secondary cast. Clearly this was on the table for the writers, but apparently it just didn’t work for the calamity trio? I have no idea why this was the answer they arrived at, but I believe that’s the root of my problem with the three girls drifting apart in the time skip.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[schmergo]

Weird obscure little rant here: There's this one particular conspiracy theory I've seen floating around the internet a lot lately that's a minor pet peeve of mine. There are a lot of more famous, major, and dangerous conspiracy theories going around right now, ones that are clearly anti-Semitic, anti-science, and doing genuine measurable danger to families and communities across the countries. But those have been extensively covered and analyzed by way more knowledgeable people than me (those articles are very much worth reading), and I don't think there's anything new I can bring up there.

The one I'm talking about is just skirting mainstream discourse and starting to become more widely known. It's the Missing411 'conspiracy.' The reason I put 'conspiracy' in quotes is that this isn't a traditional conspiracy theory with a clear bogeyman or scapegoat like some of the others. A traditional conspiracy theory usually goes something like, "[Group of people] are secretly [doing bad thing] so that they can [accomplish sinister goal]. but they control the [powerful organization], so nobody knows about it!" 

By contrast, Missing411 is super vague. It basically boils down to, "Mysterious disappearances are taking place throughout America's national parks and protected wilderness lands, and they fit a pattern!" There are hints among fans of this theory that the National Park Service knows more than they're letting on, but the extent of their 'involvement' doesn't seem really central here. The 'theory' doesn't come right out and explain any root cause for this pattern of events, just drawing attention to the pattern itself, though, once again, there are hints as to a deeper meaning. 

Here's the thing: "Missing411" is the brainchild of one guy named David Paulides who wrote a bunch of expensive self-published books compiling these cases. He's an ex-police officer (either retired or fired, depending on who you ask) who also happened to be super invested in Bigfoot hunting before he started with "Missing411," and, indeed, a lot of Missing411 stories do seem to point toward something... sasquatchy without ever coming right out and saying it. The other thing is that Paulides is the only one who can officially label a case a Missing411 case. A lot of people on the internet will say, "Oh, this sounds like Missing411," but Paulides is the one authority on which cases count and which don't.

Turns out a lot of 'missing person' cases in the national parks don't fit these criteria, and others that Paulides claim do are stretches. The criteria themselves are loose, and a missing person doesn't need to fit all or even most of them to be considered a Missing411 case. Missing411 cases include people who were never found, people who were found dead, and people who were recovered safely. Common factors in these 'patterns' include such vague terms as berries or berry bushes playing a role, being found near or in bodies of water, bad weather shortly after the disappearance, someone who is sick or disabled going missing, and someone being with a group at first but becoming separated from them after a surprisingly short period of time. And, of course, the fact that these disappearances take place in National parks and protected wildernesses.

Humans naturally seek and recognize patterns and make connections, but are categorizing cases in a way like this really helpful? I've seen people on the internet gleefully jump to this explanation whenever someone goes missing in a national park. Comments of "Google Missing411!" are common on news articles about this topic. I honestly think it's insensitive to the family members of the missing people who are looking for answers-- and misleading to those participating in the investigations. Currently, there's an incident going on in which a young couple was traveling cross-country in a van and visiting many National Parks. The man returned home with the van but without the woman, who hasn't been heard from in a few weeks, and isn't talking about what happened. Believe it or not, I've seen internet posters comment, "MISSING411!!!!" in response to this tragic story. A few months ago, a young man disappeared in Shenandoah National Park and his body was later recovered. I followed the case closely and the posts by Shenandoah National Park were full of "MISSING411!!!!" comments, despite the fact that it was very clear what led up to the disappearance: according to family members, a new medication caused psychosis and led to him driving in his pajamas from his home to Shenandoah (his family followed him there), crashing his car, and running into the woods, unprepared to deal with wilderness and not in good mental health. 

Like I said, I think this gleeful pattern-recognition is a little distasteful, but more than that, I think Missing411's eagerness to spot sinister causes behind disappearances in the wild is problematic for another reason: I think the average American has a difficult time grasping the concept of 'wilderness' and its dangers. We're used to everything being safe and convenient for us in our towns and, because national parks are popular tourist destinations, it's easy to forget that there are many dangers that exist in wild public lands. 

Inexperienced hikers often misjudge their skills and set off on trails too challenging for them and with inadequate water and supplies. Even experienced hikers can easily get lost or turned around-- and cell phone signals are usually nonexistent in national parks. Falls from cliffs, ledges, and waterfalls (mossy rocks near waterfalls are often lethally slippery) can mean injured people end up in inaccessible areas where they're not visible from the trail. A sudden health emergency like a heart attack, stroke, or even a broken leg can occur during vigorous physical activity. Abrupt changes in weather can change a pleasant stroll into deadly freezing temperatures in the blink of an eye. Dangerous wild animals like bears do live in the national parks. Although national parks are popular tourist destinations, these dangers are very, very real and can happen to anyone, and the parks themselves emphasize the importance of being prepared when entering wild areas.

On a darker note, remote hikes and camping trips in national parks are often a convenient way for people to cover up foul play (a few of the high profile Missing411 cases seem to fit this narrative). And, like the young man who disappeared in Shenandoah, many people who disappear in the wilderness alone are mentally unwell and, in many cases, disappearing on purpose. (National parks are sadly a popular place for people to take their own lives.) 

Some of the common Missing411 traits, like people being found without clothes on, could be explained by foul play but, more likely, it's a phenomenon called 'paradoxical undressing' that happens when you have hypothermia to the degree that you actually feel warm. Family members will talk about how a missing person is an experienced outdoorsman and unlikely to go missing, but 60 years of experience in the woods also comes with the health limitations of advanced age-- the 'mysterious' disappearance of a partially-sighted man with notable mobility issues might not be a huge mystery. Others, like the presence of berry bushes and bodies of water, points to basic survival instincts. Why so many disappearances in national parks? Well, it's a lot harder to be found in dense wilderness than in, say, an Arby's parking lot.

I've watched two Missing411 documentaries, which are easy to find on mainstream streaming services, and, while many of the cases covered are truly strange, some seem easily explainable by Occam's razor, and the selection of why some cases are included and others aren't seems bizarre to me. Some don't even involve a disappearance at all but hearing or seeing strange things in the woods. Some don't involve national parks or public lands. There are very vague hints throughout that 'Bigfoot type creatures seem to exist in the woods and use outer space or interdimensional technology to hide themselves from people or spirit people away, and the government might know about it' but nothing more than vague hints.

 Like I mentioned, some of the cases they profiled point toward foul play. The most prominent case featured in the original Missing411 documentary was about a little boy named Deorr Kunz Jr. who disappeared on a camping trip with his family... but there's also no proof that he actually was on that camping trip with his family... and the family's stories have some discrepancies... and even if it really was a disappearance from the campsite, the stories are that the grandfather thought he was with the parents and the parents thought he was with the grandfather.

 Life is often boring and repetitive and it's totally normal to use stories to make ordinary life more interesting and exciting, but the almost... gamified way that I've seen internet dwellers react to real-life stories of heartbreaking disappearances and deaths in dangerous and remote locations is kind of disturbing, and similar to the over-the-top fanciful theorizing I've seen from other, more insidious conspiracy theories. The idea that there's a secret 'other world' being hidden from us behind the curtain of society is enticing, but it can lead down paths as confusing and dangerous as the ones that real travelers get lost on in the wilderness.

[mego42]

I know it’s the writers fault, and I feel like this season rio is a different person than seasons 1,2 and even 3. But if I ignore my opinions on the writers and the odd choices they’ve made for him, and just watch the show as a normal viewer, rio is fucking pissing me off. Like all he had to do was tell Beth she was being followed. He made the mess. And he’s such a dick. Like at this point kill her or don’t. But this whole “Rio can’t hurt Beth/rio has love for her/brio love triangle” thing? Like nah I’m not seeing it. He’s being literally stupid for no reason.

i'm v sorry he's pissing you off and you’re super entitled to feel that way! but tbh, personally i don't totally agree that he's different or that he's being stupid for no reason (though, if you're not buying into the idea that he's genuinely into beth than yeah, i can v much see why you would feel that way, i think that's a p significant puzzle piece). 

imo, the primary difference between the rio of s4 and the rio of previous seasons isn't in the character, but how much more context/insight/backstory we're getting for him. we’ve seen bits and pieces before, but they’ve been very sporadic (something that’s been a p consistent complaint since i joined the fandom) and i think s4 has really dug into shading rio’s character and backstory in with much more detail and depth than we’ve seen so far. i also think the show's p steadily developed the idea that he has some degree of genuine feeling for beth (and that they make him act rashly and stupidly) along the same pace.

putting the rest of this below the cut bc it got long and should you continue, do so with the caveat that i’m not here to change anyone’s mind, i’m just breaking down why i disagree.

in s1, rio was a p one-dimensional character (like, on paper he's basically a walking first page google search result for "mexican gang banger stereotypes") and it's a testament to how much manny brought to his performance and the way he sparks with his scene partners (particularly christina and jim) that he came across so engagingly and elevated the character far enough that people so easily overlook that. over the course of s2, they peeled back the curtain a little bit and rounded him out more in ways that (imo and ymmv) really efficiently counteracted that stereotypical portrayal like introducing marcus, being softer with beth, and the different faceted glimpses of him we saw through his personal and business spaces (the club, his loft and bar). in terms of his feelings, while a lot of the softness with beth was him working an angle, we still caught glimpses that hinted at something real developing in his reactions to her that either served no purpose for keeping her in line (the way the camera lingered on his face falling in 209 after beth had turned away and couldn't see him) or, most significantly imo, doing things for her that actively undermined his authority (retrieving!!!!!!!! the!!!!!!!!!! dubby!!!!!!!!!!!!).

and speaking of 209, we also saw him react in increasingly more irrational and outlandish ways (ignoring her calls/texts about the fbi closing in on a business he’s somewhat tied up in, sending her body parts in the mail, kidnapping her) in reaction to beth quitting him, underscoring both the idea that 209 (and beth) meant something to him and that he gets real dramatic and questionably intelligent when he’s in his feelings. 

there's nothing to really say any of this was a swerve from s1 bc s1 left p much everything on the table. s3 built that out a bit more both in terms of what we know about him (thinking specifically of fitz's rundown of what he gets up to when beth's not around) and his feelings for beth (how he handled the wake of 213 was, uh, illuminating and it’s been made even more illuminating with the context s4 added with nick’s involvement in rio’s business and the fact that nick knew nothing about lucy).

s4, to me, is building on all of that (see the above comment about the new layer of context to lucy and repeat, for one). we’ve met his family (who they’ve already hinted he’s very close to through the photos in his loft), we’ve found out how he got involved in crime in the first place (and i've seen criticism of the tragedy aspect of it and how that disproportionately applies to characters of color and that’s super valid, though i do think there’d also be a lot of valid criticism if they’d gone the opposite route and written rio as knowingly and gleefully deciding to be a criminal. the show kind of put itself in an impossible position there, but that’s something that goes back to s1 and the entire concept of his character. i’m not saying there isn’t a nuanced way to tell this story but, i don’t think anyone in the fandom would argue the gg team doesn’t often do so well with narrowly threaded needles, hahaha), and we’ve also seen that rio’s got some kind of big, complicated feelings for beth that result in him making moves and choices that both are and aren’t in his best interest/at her expense and the dichotomy is sloppy bc, as established, those kinds of feelings make rio sloppy. 

honestly, i think one of the biggest reasons rio’s deepening characterization is so controversial is bc by holding off for so long (a choice that i admire conceptually from a storytelling angle—keeping him shrouded in mystery keeps the audience firmly rooted in the girls’ POVs which is where they want us to be—but v understand how it hasn’t worked for a lot of people and do think they’ve fumbled it at a couple of key steps), it allowed people to sort of choose their own rio and now that the show’s committing to their vision, it’s demolishing a lot of people’s personal versions and that sucks! if the show ever canonically says rio and mick haven’t been friends since they were kids, i, for one, am going to elect to ignore it bc FALSE!!!!!! but this phenomenon is also, you know, part of watching tv. someone else writes it, you ultimately have no say in it, you can really only decide for yourself when it no longer sparks joy enough that it’s a dealbreaker and you walk. 

BUT yeah, i guess to wrap it all up, i do think s4 rio tracks with and has been directly built on the rios that have come before, but also think that accepting that he has big messy feelings for beth is a crucial part in understanding the choices he’s making, and if that’s not working for you, i don’t see this trajectory ultimately being v satisfying bc uh, yeah, i think it’s only going to get exponentially messier as we go. 

[zevlors-tail]

Rooftops

Pairing: ProHero!Deku x Reader

Description: Sometimes being a Hero isn’t just fighting villains and rescuing people from burning buildings; sometimes it’s battling demons and rescuing people from themselves instead.

Warnings: Suicidal reader, thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide? (reader doesn’t succeed), trauma bonding, mentions of bullying, little bit of touch starvation? Talks of therapy, decision to try therapy.

A/N: I guess you could say I needed to vent some heavy things. PLEASE do not read this if you are triggered by anything mentioned above. Also, I HC that Midoriya never would have gone through with it, but he might have at one point been in the reader’s position, and I wish they would expand on how what Katsuki said and did to him in middle school affected his life more. I will never be satisfied until we get a proper apology from Bakugou and the two of them sort out their feelings about it, bc you KNOW that had to create some trauma. So I guess this might be sort of a fix-it fic? Also, I’m sorry for the ending, it might be cringe, idk. I can’t help but add fluff to everything I write, apparently. I love Best Boi, what can I say?

You breathed in the cool night air as you leaned against the railing, fingers trembling slightly against the rusty metal. Everything seemed so surreal; the noisy traffic below, the people bustling down streets and alleyways, the dimmed apartment lights from the building across... What did any of it matter? In the grand scheme of things, you were just a small spec of the universe observing all these phenomenons, a waste of space taking up time that could belong to something or someone more useful than your sorry excuse of an existence. That’s what you thought, at least.

You leaned a little farther over and rested your chest against the bars of steel. Would anyone miss you if you were to just...disappear? If you dropped everything and left right now, would anyone care? Would anyone cry for your absence? These were questions you had asked yourself over and over again, and each time you had managed to convince yourself that maybe, just maybe, the answer was yes, someone would care. But each time the questions rolled around in your head, it got harder to convince yourself of that. You found doubts in every corner of your mind, in every crack and crevice of your brain that they could slink into. Quiet at first, but now as loud as a siren, they overwhelmed you and made you believe you were worthless. They beat you down, exhausted you, claimed your once happy spirit and soiled it with numbness and apathy. Those doubts were the reason you wholeheartedly believed that you no longer mattered to anyone.

They were also the reason you were twenty stories up in the air on the roof of your apartment building.

Steeling your nerves and taking a deep breath, you let everything sink in. This was what you were waiting for all these years. All of your life had lead up to this single moment; all of your past mistakes, all of your life decisions, all of the lost friends, your job, your family and their snide remarks, your short comings...and all the rest. It didn’t matter. Every time you blinked, every sneeze, every laugh, whether genuine or fake, didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, including you.

Nothing matters, and no one cares.

And with that final thought, you hoisted yourself up and over the railing, limbs heavy with a dull numbness as you planted your feet loosely on the other side. For a second you balanced yourself, arms outstretched behind you to grip on to the bars for one last fleeting sense of security. Just one more step. But even as you moved forward, you found that your hands seemed to tighten their grip on the steel, and suddenly you felt physical panic despite your mind telling you that this was what you really wanted. It seemed your body was defying your mind.

“I don’t think you want to do that.”

Startled, you stumbled back and tightened your hold on the rails until your knuckles turned white. Were you imagining things, or did you just hear a voice? And if so, who was it and what were they doing all the way up here? Whatever their business was though, it surely had nothing to do with you, right? So why were they meddling in your affairs when you just wanted to be left alone? The thought of it was just a little too much, and you found yourself snapping at whoever was behind you.

“Uh, yeah, I think I do.” It came out more spiteful than you meant it to sound. But then, that was just how you were these days...bitter and cold. All the more reason to end everything.

“Please, just come back over here to the other side of the railing. We can talk if you want, or I can just sit with you, or we can listen to music together if that would help?” The stranger’s voice was gentle and pleading, as if he was afraid to break you if he spoke too loud. 

“Just leave me alone! Why do you care anyway?” You stole a glance behind you to get a good look at the person trying to talk you down. The first thing you noticed was the green hair, and then the pair of concerned emerald eyes reflecting back at you. Under those were a set of freckles, giving him an overall boyish look, and finally- his costume. You recognized Japan’s Number One Hero, Deku.

“Because I don’t want to see you get hurt...or worse.” His tone was solemn. “I’m sorry, but I can’t just leave you alone up here. Clearly you had one purpose for coming up here, and I’m not going to let you go through with it.”

For a moment, you felt your heart soar at the possibility that someone cared after all. But just as hope was about to take root and bloom within your chest, it seemed that your mind had other ideas to cut the poor blossom out. As fast as the feeling settled, it was gone, and you reminded yourself that this was his job; he was required to help anyone who he thought might be in trouble. It wasn’t like he really wanted to be up here talking to you.

“What the hell do you know about why I’m up here? And anyways...it’s your job to save people. You don’t have to pretend to care about me. It doesn’t matter if you’re the number one hero or not, you’re still going to forget about me some day or another. A week from now you won’t even think twice about me. I’m forgettable. I don’t matter...not really. So please just leave me be. You’re bothering me.” No matter how hard you tried to keep the anger in your voice, you couldn’t help how it faded with each passing second. It was tiring to keep feeling everything and nothing all at once. You wanted it all to just stop.

There was long moment of silence that passed between the two of you, which you took as a sign that you had been right about everything you had just said. Your anxieties and nerves were starting to get to you by then; you were about to really go through with it and had inched forward slightly when he decided to speak again. 

“Once, someone told me to take a swan dive off the roof of my old school.” Your breath hitched as you stopped in your tracks. “I know what it’s like not to be wanted or needed by everyone around you. To feel like a failure, like there’s no hope left... Like you’re not worth saving. But even if you really think and believe all those things you said about yourself, just know that I care. And it’s not because it’s my job to, or because I’m a Pro Hero, or because I just happened to be in the area and saw you up here after my shift ended. It’s because at one point in my life, I could relate to where you are now.”

You were left without words for once as you stood there, wind whipping through your hair and eyes focused on nothing in particular. After the initial shock wore off, you finally turned around to face him. You searched his eyes for any trace of deception, anything to prove that maybe he was lying or just trying to get to you, but all you could find was sincere honesty. And Deku, upon seeing you turn around from the edge of the building, seemed to tense for a second before continuing.

“I climbed up to the top of the school roof that day and when I got up there, I just...stared down. All I could think about at the time was making the pain and the numbness go away. But then I thought of my mom’s face when she would hear the news...and I thought of how I would only be a statistic after that- a number, you know, like the ones I recorded every day in my notebook. But I didn’t want that. I had a name that I loved, a mother waiting for me at home, and a dream I was still holding on to. I realized what I really wanted was to prove everyone wrong, to still become the hero I wanted to be as a little boy. And even more than that, I just wanted the pain to stop. I think that’s what people truly want- just to feel better.” He gave you a small smile and offered a hand to you after that, and you swore his eyes were glistening a little if you looked close enough. “I would care if you were gone. I would think about it every day. I don’t even know your name, but your face is already engraved in my mind. I would have made the biggest mistake of my life had I ended things that day; look at where I am now! If I let someone else take away all their future opportunities and potential life experiences knowing that I could have stopped them, knowing that I didn’t offer them the support I desperately wanted when I was going through it, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“...you mean that?” You couldn’t help the tremble in your voice.

“Every word. Please, just come back over to this side and talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. I promise I’ll do my best to help however I can.”

Something pulled at your heartstrings as you listened to him. He had put into words everything you had been feeling these past few months, everything you wanted to express but just couldn’t. Tentatively, you reached out a hand to meet his, and he wasted no time as he wrapped his other arm around your waist and hoisted you back over the railing towards safety and into his arms.

“Oh thank god,” he breathed out. His arm was still wound tight around your waist as he pulled you flush to him and walked you backwards. When the two of you reached the wall of the entryway to the rooftop, he stopped and slid down to the floor with you, a heavy sigh of relief escaping his lips. “Please don’t ever scare me like that again.” You blinked back tears as you leaned into Deku’s tight hug, your arms coming up to wrap around him as well. You couldn’t remember the last time someone had been so loving and caring with you or the last time you had been hugged like this. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’m here.”

That was all it took for the dam inside of you to burst.

Hot tears finally spilled over and soaked Deku’s costume as all the emotions you had been suppressing came back full force. You hid your face in his shirt to try and stifle your cries as much as you could, but it was no use. There was no hiding the turmoil in your soul; all you could do was endure the sadness and frustration while he held you and comforted you. Slowly the reality of the situation started to sink in, and the realization that you almost took your own life hit you full force.

“I...I almost-!” You didn’t have the strength to finish your sentence as you sobbed harder and shook in the hero’s arms. He eventually shifted the two of you around to a more comfortable position and rubbed circles on your shoulder soothingly while you cried, a look of understanding and empathy in his eyes.

“But you didn’t. And you know what that tells me? That despite all those lies you’re telling yourself, there’s still a part of you left that wants to live. There’s still a part of you, no matter how small, that’s holding on to hope that things will get better. Find that feeling deep down inside you, grasp it, and never let go of it. You deserve to exist here. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to wake up each day and live and enjoy life. And I know you probably don’t feel that way right now, but believe me when I say that it’s the truth.” A comfortable silence settled between the two of you as you took a moment to contemplate his words.

“You said we could talk if I wanted to...” you sniffled.

“Sure, we can talk. It doesn’t even have to be about anything in particular. Whatever you want to talk about, I’ll listen.”

So you told him everything. You poured your heart out to someone who was no more than a stranger to you, even if you recognized his face because it was plastered on every poster and broadcasted on every T.V. Even if you knew who Deku was, the person behind the mask was someone else entirely, and it brought a sense of comfort to you to know that a real person was listening to your troubles and caring about them. For once, someone was taking the time to make you a priority, and that was not something you were used to.

“I’m sorry, you’re probably tired of listening to me by now. I can’t believe I dumped all of that on y-” you tried to apologize, but he shook his head and cut you off before you could finish.

“Don’t be. I offered, didn’t I? I genuinely want to hear about what’s troubling you. Everyone deserves to be listened to, especially when they’re hurting. You’re important, and what you have to say is also important. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.”

You blinked up at him with wide eyes. How was he so good at this? A thought crossed your mind then, and you wondered for a brief moment if...had anyone ever listened to him? He had taken the time to calm you down and make you feel important by listening wholeheartedly to everything you had to say. The least you could do was return the favor, right?

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a really good listener?” you asked, a small but sincere smile on your face.

“Yes, actually. Plenty of times, but I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing it. It just means I’m succeeding at making others feel important, which is what I aim to do, so thank you for that.” He stared up at the night sky, his eyes reflecting the sparkling stars above. They were...so full of life. You found that fact inspiring.

There was a small pause before you asked him another question, hesitance evident in your voice. “Have you...told anyone? About what you said to me earlier, I mean.” It came out more awkward than you intended it to, and he seemed confused about what you were trying to ask.

“About what I said to you earlier?”

“Y-You know, the...rooftop...” you trailed off, not wanting to pry if he didn’t want to talk about it after all. “I’m so sorry, I just assumed since you mentioned it earlier that maybe you wanted to talk about it or something- Ah, I’m making things worse, I’m really sorry!” You ran your hands through your hair, anxiety getting the better of you and making your heart race. Deku shifted slightly beside you but kept his arm around your shoulders, a look of understanding coming over him.

“Oh, that?” He gave a small airy laugh. “While I appreciate the concern, I have a really great therapist. It’s kind of a requirement for Pros; we deal with a lot on the job.”

“...oh.” Oh. Oh. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but certainly not...that. “Again, I’m sorry if I pried,” you apologized one last time. At the sound of your third ‘I’m sorry’, Deku looked over at you thoughtfully.

“You know, I used to apologize a lot too. Actually, my therapist was the one who got me to kick the bad habit. Speaking of which...” He reached into one of the red pouches on his costume belt and produced a single card between his index and middle finger, the lamination of it emitting a dim glare as he held it out to you. “I think you could really benefit from therapy. I’m not saying that to be rude or anything-!” His face flushed as he tried to explain himself; he didn’t want you to feel like he was dismissing you or that he wasn’t concerned with your issues. “I swear! I just...really think you could use another person in your corner right now. They’re super nice, I promise! I’ll even help you set up an appointment if you want.”

You shrunk a little at the idea of seeing a therapist, but took the card anyway. The writing on the little piece of plastic stared back at you menacingly, an uncomfortable feeling settling in your gut.

Dr. T/N T/L/N Deku Agency Specialist in Psychology Phone: 800-888-8880 Email (Mon-Fri): T/nT/l/n@deku.agencies.com Office Hours: Mon-Sat, 9am-5pm

As if he could read your turbulent mind, Deku pulled you closer and rested his head against yours. “I know talking to someone else about your problems seems scary at first, but it really helps. If you keep everything bottled up, then those feelings and problems don’t have anywhere to go, and they’ll eat you up on the inside. Therapy gives you a safe way of letting those feelings out and sorting through problems in healthy ways. Of course it’s ultimately your choice, and everybody’s experience differs...but it did help me.”

You considered everything he said, including his offer to help schedule an appointment. If nothing else, you could really use another friend... You pocketed the card and decided to worry about it later; exhaustion was starting to settle in by now, and the air only seemed to get colder by the minute. It had to be past midnight by now.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done. It means a lot to me, truly. I’ll...think about the therapist.” 

“I’m glad to hear that. But in the mean time, can I see your phone?” The question caught you off guard and forced you back to the reality of where you were, and what you’d planned to do earlier.

“Uh, well...” you started, “I left it in my apartment. I didn’t think I’d need it up here since... Anyway, I don’t have it on me.” You stared off to the side, not wanting to talk about the subject any longer.

“Do you live around here?”

“Yeah, actually, I live in this apartment building.”

“Oh! Then, I’ll walk with you back to your apartment, since it’s getting kind of cold now. But first...” He whipped out his own phone, opening the contacts app and clicking on the ‘Create New Contact’ option. “What’s your phone number?”

“My phone number?” You stared at him, dumbfounded.

“Yeah, so I can text you and call you. I’d like to be friends, if that’s okay?” He gave you a shy smile with a faint blush, and it was hard not to burst into tears again.

A friend. You had made a new friend. One that cared about you, that wanted to make sure you were okay, that would put in time and effort to talk to you and see you. You could hardly believe it.

“Really?”

“Of course! Sooo, can I have it, then? Oh, and I guess I’ll need your name at some point too, huh?” he teased, a playful glint in his eyes.

“It’s Y/N,” you stated happily.

You immediately gave your number to him, and then the two of you stood to go back inside. He helped you up and held the door open for you, and from there you took the stairs back to your apartment. You made small talk on the way back, and things finally started to feel normal to you for once. But as soon as you turned down the hall that led to your apartment door, you started to feel it; that familiar sinking feeling was creeping in, apathy and the sense of nothingness overwhelming you again. The night was finally coming to an end. You would go back to your apartment, and things would go back to normal, and Deku would probably forget that you even existed. He said he would text, but would he really? He was so busy with hero work, and you half expected things to go back to the way they would be. What if nothing changed? What if you went back to feeling numb? What if everything that happened tonight didn’t really matter? What would you do?

“Whoah, Y/N, slow down. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

Huh? Shit! Had you said all that out loud?

You panicked as you stared at your door. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t-”

“Hey, look at me.” He cupped your face between his hands, tilting your head up to meet his concerned gaze. “Everything will be okay. But these kinds of problems don’t just disappear over night, they need time, and sometimes some outside help from others. I promise to keep in touch with you. I want to make sure you’re okay, and I’d like to get to know you better too. Maybe I can introduce you to my friends? They’re really great people, and they would make you feel right at home. But for now, let’s just focus on one thing, okay? Let’s get you settled back into your apartment for the night.” He ruffled the top of your head softly, and while others might have taken the gesture as offensive or belittling, you were just glad to have felt his warm touch.

“Okay,” you agreed quietly, and you twisted the handle to the door, which you remembered you had left unlocked.

The small apartment greeted you with familiar darkness, that is, until Deku flipped your light switch and the few lamps you had lit up the living room. He let himself in and shut the door behind the two of you, earning a surprised look from you and giving you an apologetic look of his own. “I don’t mean to intrude...I just...” He looked like he was choking over his own words. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to let you be alone right now...but if you want me to leave, then-”

“I don’t want to be alone either,” you were quick to cut him off. You had wanted to invite him to stay, but you also didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. However, it seemed like he beat you to the punch. “I don’t mind you staying. Besides, it’s late, and you look tired. The couch pulls out into a bed; let me get you some extra blankets.” 

You tried your best to be hospitable, even with him insisting that you didn’t need to and that he could just crash in the comfy clothes he wore under his costume. You didn’t have any extra clothes for him, but at least you could give him a pillow and a blanket. As you went to fetch those, you also grabbed your phone from your desk and dropped it next to him on the makeshift bed. He took the liberty of entering his phone number and his real name into your contacts before passing it back.

“No way, you like All Might too?” he asked as you handed him the themed blanket. “This is the same exact blanket I have at home!” A wide grin came over him as he cuddled into it.

His enthusiasm made you laugh a little as you tossed him the pillow. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” You started to walk away to your bedroom, and as you were about to turn the lights out, he stopped you.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Did you need something?”

He peeked his head over the edge of the couch. “I just realized I never gave you my name. You can call me Izuku, if you want. Since, we’re friends now, and all.”

“Izuku,” you echoed, “I’m really glad I met you.” And you meant it.

“Yeah, me too.” A moment of silence. “That I met you, I mean! I’m glad I met you too!”

You smiled and turned the lights out. “I’m gonna head to bed.” You hesitated a bit to ask him the question burning at the back of your mind, but your anxiety forced you to ask anyway, the fear of not knowing eating at you. “Will you still be here tomorrow morning?”

He answered you right away and gave you a reassuring look. “I’m off work tomorrow, and I don’t have any plans, so I won’t be going anywhere unless you want me to.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Izuku.” 

“Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding for so long, and with that, you made your way to your bedroom and changed into your favorite pajamas. The card that Izuku had given you earlier dropped to the floor while you were changing, and you picked it up carefully before reading it over again. Maybe...it was worth a shot. You had a lot you were dealing with, and the idea that you could talk to someone about it without being judged or made fun of almost sounded too good to be true. Sure, you had Izuku now, but you knew realistically he wasn’t going to be around all the time. You were tired of feeling like you were always alone, tired of feeling everything and nothing all at once, tired in general. It was all so exhausting. And he had said the therapist was nice...

You crawled into bed with your phone and pulled the covers over yourself. The home screen lit up the room as you opened your contacts and scrolled, looking for one name in particular. You tapped on his name and the familiar conversation screen appeared, the little vertical line blinking at you repeatedly as you worked up the courage to type out your message. Finally, your fingers flew across the keys, and you hit send before you could think twice about it.

Y/N: I think I want to schedule an appointment with the therapist. Can you help? 1:34am

It didn’t take long for you to get a response.

Izuku: Of course. I can contact them tomorrow, if you’d like? 1:34am

Y/N: I’d like that a lot. Thank you, Izuku. 1:35am

Izuku: Are you alright? If you need anything, come get me. I won’t mind. 1:35am

Y/N: I really appreciate that. I’m doing a little better. I’ll let you know if I need something. 1:35am

Izuku: Promise? 1:35am

Y/N: I promise. 1:36am