#like i hate licorice but this tea is so fucking good it has all the vibes of earl grey with the flavour of peppermint tea but a little

[butchdonne]

what’s your favourite thing to drink?

ooh it really depends on my mood. i LOVE LOVE LOVE smoothies tho and my fav tea is chamomile <3

[amandlas]

almost gone (in these little moments get your cards out)

tfota | jude x cardan, she doesn’t come back au, no smut, hurtful and punishable tbh (ao3)

entry to jurdan week 2020 by @jurdannet - day 7: wild card! a what-if au had jude tried to make a new life in maine (don’t worry, cardan shows up). heaps of angst. little payout. sorry in advance. trigger warnings: violence, guns, shooting, and death mention.

[canon divergence from twk ending. title from “lay your cards out” by poliça]

*

gone. she’s gone. avulsed from her land, never hers, and her lover, never loved. the mortal world welcomes her with wide arms, arms that are shorter than she remembers, a little less homely, much less magical. after all, how can the ordinariness of television, powder tea, and surround sound compare to the true magic of faerieland?

vivi says it will be well. of course she does. why wouldn’t she, with her strong blood and pointed ears.

jude stares and stares at the tv. at the window. at the door. she’s not so stupid as to believe it will allay her want, but like programming, she follows the routine nonetheless.

*

two months. oak is recalcitrant to her teachings. vivi is buoyant in her obliviousness. they do not see her. she cannot see herself. the closest thing she has to a mirror is miles away, attending a new husband and parading with stars dangling from rounded ears. if taryn were to come, jude thinks she wouldn’t recognize either of them.

*

she is ashamed to watch her pillowcase blotted with tear stains at nightfall.

it’s more embarrassing than waking up the first time to menstrual blood staining her sheets, two stories up in madoc’s estate, knowing not what it meant or what to do.

jude duarte avoids as superfluous emotions as sadness or hopelessness. being a mortal in faerie, those sentiments would wash her out of focus, riddle her with doubt, and with a certainty would so far as kill her.

but, she thinks, i am not in faerie anymore. i am no longer in a place where blood is a better find than tears. where eyes are dry and swords are sated by throats and bellies.

perhaps in her native world it is safer. that’s what jude wanted this whole time, was it not? safety. if she were meant to feel relief, she should feel it now.

survival feels wet against her cheek.

*

he keeps slugging his damn arms. jude tugs oak roughly to her, fixing his stance, and urges him to strike.

“will i still be king someday?”

as per usual, he tries deflection to talk out of a combat lesson. jude is unmoved. “yes.”

“are you sure?”

she shifts her weight to her other leg. “there is no other way.” his form is poor. she identifies his weaker side and rounds slowly to it. “the crown answers to blood. raise your elbow higher. protect your face.”

oak listens for once. his voice is shrill still. “so there is no one else?”

of course there’s someone else. another bearer of the crown, another royal to lead their nation. but jude grits her teeth and resorts to her best asset: lying. “no. no one else.”

her little brother pauses, their lesson half-present in his mind. intrigued, she watches the scrunch of his brows as he formulates a thought. “unless cardan has a child. then there would be another.”

if he sees her freeze, he doesn’t mention it. the scenario turns her thoughts errant, threatens her with a conniption. some sick part of her wishes to linger on the possibility, but with oak before her and posed to fight, she cannot allow herself that masochism.

oak stands expectant, his arm growing weary and slouching. the least she can do is not lie.

“i suppose.”

he remembers none of the stance the next evening.

*

“no word from dad. taryn either.”

jude lifts her face to catch vivi rummaging through envelopes of mail. “what, were you expecting miracles? a shift in the weather?” she scoffs, coming back to her task. counting money. hard-earned cash from late shifts of all services and flavors. espionage, theft, the occasional sparring match. the underground fae crime ring taints the soul, but it pays in fifties.

vivi interrupts her quick fingers. “he liked you best, you know. dad always gave more of himself to you than to me or taryn.” she notices her brother sitting at the couch, leans in to rumple his hair. “or oak.”

jude shoots vivi a cruel look, an exasperated look. “what good that did to me.”

her sister’s eyes are fierce as a growling cat where they pin her in place. “quite some good, your highness.”

jude does a fucking great job at not screaming.

*

she hates to think of the name.

what could his true name be, she wonders? if she commanded it, before the brokering of their epically failed marriage for his release, jude asks herself if he’d given it. if he’d hated her that much more.

her mind swirls with reminders of midnight black eyes, of fingers against her lips and the abstruse feeling of possession by another being.

she won’t think of it. she won’t dream of it. she won’t aerate the two syllables in a whisper of dark sky. she certainly won’t be pelted with the scariest word, the four letters she refused since childhood to allow a place in her. the word that died with a blade on its back as it ran to the kitchen. the word that meant a certain foolishness, a certain danger. she won’t. it’s her new mantra: she won’t, she won’t, she won’t.

falsehoods have always been her strongest asset.

*

“we shouldn’t be watching this shit,” heather sighs between mouthfuls of red licorice.

they’re leaning on the couch, lined up like soldiers catching their breath amidst pilgrimage to battle. the television blares high. jude notices heather has shifted her free hand to cover oak’s eyes.

she inspects the playing show more closely. one second there’s a wide shot of scenery, familiar in its medieval setting, and the next there’s a person. a striking young woman with silver hair like new iron falling in tresses across pale shoulders.

the figure is so intimate it nearly makes jude jump. “a princess,” she murmurs.

heather shakes her head. “no. oh no. well, sorta.” oak squirms in her hand, breaking free of her hold, to which she sighs and acquiesces. “sure, i guess, but more than that. it’s complicated.”

from her place next to oak, jude nods. “royals tend to be.”

her sister’s lover, or ex lover (certainly an ex something), barrels on. she uses hand gestures to further her explaining. “her father was the mad king, but she was only a baby when he got dethroned. she was exiled from her home, far across the sea. then she married a powerful man, leader of a tribe, and sorta grew into herself. after he died, his rivals and his people tried to disbar her. turns out she had more in her arsenal than was believed.” heather wags her eyebrows at the show.

jude couldn’t be more confused until a huge, black winged creature crosses the screen. “are those…”

“yup,” heather confirms. “the mother of beasts. and her husband’s people, they followed her. even though he was gone, and was their real ruler, and it was unacceptable that she rule on the basis of who she was, they still accepted her as leader.”

jude stiffens. “really.”

they made it seem so close, so easy to reach. the princess-who-wasn’t-a-princess straightens her spine, amplifies her voice. when she speaks, people heed.

heather slices her reverie. “because she has magic.” she points to the overflying monsters. “badass.”

ah. because. she. has. magic.

a non-magic girl slouches back in her non-magic couch, watching a non-magic box, consumed by baneful imaginings.

*

unprepossessing. that is what they called her. ugly, if wine or fury loosened their vocabulary. how had i let someone who called me that touch me at the collarbones? kiss my throat? call me his sweet villain? jude has no answer. she replays and loops the plethora of adjectives her dear husband and company had called her. wormfood. unsightly. repellent. direful. unbecoming. synonyms alike to the same derivative, final word.

mortal.

the circle of worms, she and taryn. daughter of dirt.

she wishes she were nobody’s daughter.

*

it takes her three nights after that to realize now she really is nobody’s daughter.

*

her exile hits the half year.

*

bride of faerieland. the mortal queen.

a fugacious dream, she finalizes. no more than a fleeting child’s wish. had she remained at home, no, in faerie , she’d never have been queen. not without the people’s approval and not with her mortality. a hollow crown, a fool’s wreath.

she cements it into her brain, sears it to memory. she never. would. have been. a true. queen.

oh, but what a vision they would’ve been. jude, stiff boned with graying hair, and cardan beside her, youthful as ever and tethered to her with ball and chain. unescapable. a fresh minted prison for him. he’d be gagged to ask for her kisses, much less beg for them. when her skin sagged and time plundered her heart, how quick he’d be to run from her. a bat out of hell.

when it processes that she’s thought of his name, written it to existence in the myriad of her thoughts, she breaks into a cold sweat.

*

she won’t call her exile a blessing. there’s many descriptors for the singular event that redefined the last leg of her fleeting teenage life, and blessing won’t cut it. recently, however, jude has had the chance to add timely to the list.

jude kills a troll. he’d been preying on humans the same time as her abscond to the human realm. this particular troll began his horror streak after developing a taste for the helpless glaze in their eyes at final moments before teeth sunk into shoulders, the way they rolled back or if the occasion came up that the eyelids would fall crookedly. the funny look of a drugged, passed out, mindless loon. except these were dead loons, victims to the desire of a beast. these humans had been lured into the abandoned subway tunnel, but jude had strolled there all on her own.

“that bitch carries the devil,” commented one of the fae. gathered in a ring, stealing glimpses of her over their shoulders.

waiting for her pay, jude kicked the tip of her boot into the solid ground, arms crossed. “that bitch can hear. i may not have fae hearing, but i’d abstain from testing me were i in your shoes.”

the fae she had spoken to was of the sea, and was barefoot. irony not lost on her.

sooner than expected, jude duarte developed a reputation. successful runs, frightening recounts of what she did to earn her money, it swiveled up and circled around her like a tornado. some fae considered testing if the legend was bigger than the person, and some fae had lost the use of a limb. she knew she’d been strong before, but this new world taught her what an unstoppable force she was. had always been.

they give her a nickname. fearful of evoking the name given to her at birth, though being human it had no effect on her. still, shadows shivered at her wake, watching, consuming jude duarte’s trail of defeated foes. in the damp, cold streets of maine, in a world she long since had cut true tethers from, she’s reborn as the wrath.

in her mind, somewhere in the bowels of the elfhame palace, the court of shadows laugh up a storm.

*

oak grows less querulous and more capitulant to his role. jude in turn decides to do the same with her old-but-now-new home amidst mortals.

she watches tv. repaints her bike. buys new clothes. eats toasted waffles with peanut butter and honey.

when heather mentions a museum across town, jude no longer stares at her blankly. she doesn’t fumble or grasp for words. her foot’s planted on the ground, steady and strengthening.

she becomes inclined to music. an old trait, now in a new ambient. vivi glamours money to grant her a gift, a small excuse to cheer her up. the gadget fits most of her hand, sensitive to her tact and bright during the darker hours. heather hauls her laptop once in a while to upload new songs onto it, teaching jude how to sift through the list.

music player in her hand, jude sheepishly assembles a queue of songs that she likes. tunes that have replaced bards in taverns or notes plucked from lutes.

an aggressive song by a vexed wife goes first, the one with words that hit jude harsher than she wants to admit, the title saying not to hurt yourself. another one called once upon a time. a wedding song turned rock, a “strong electric guitar” according to heather, the singer belting about being loved tenderly. paint it, black by the stones that roll. where once her fingers would’ve stumbled over the gadget’s buttons, today she masters with ease.

the stunted child, the wraith of a human girl she once was rears her head in jude’s dreams. she gains color with each passing day.

*

by the time her exile hits eight months, jude begins the transition. she intends it to life, gives it air to breath.

i, jude duarte, will be happy in the mortal world.

she wills herself to change on a molecular level. when the desire of faerieland hightails back, she slams it to the back of her mind. she transforms the pain into power, into will. the scar left behind from her banishment becomes fuel for her new life. for the transformation into who jude could truly be in this wide, marvelous, enormous human world.

they don’t want you. they have not once wanted you.

he doesn’t want you. not like you do him.

he

doesn’t

want

you.

move on, she begs herself. move on. move on. move on. stop chasing after ghosts.

*

the wrath is elbow deep in a goblin’s guts. he swindled bryern a bagful of gold coin. it came down to her to rescue it back, and assure the impediment of a repetition. that’s when she met her.

“hnnnnggg…” moans a figure across the room.

jude ignored the drugged out junkies on her way in, leaving them in the back burner while working through the bulk of her job. but the turncloak goblin is dead, and was that noisy mound moving?

“help…” she hears.

jude rarely considers herself so altruistic. but the meekness of the plea pulls her across the room, tugs her legs to the sprawled person.

human. a girl, dirty blue hair all too reminiscent of nicasia, but not so polished as to pass for a sea princess. no, this girl appeared on the edge of a precipice, thin coat of sweat across her body.

“more,” the girl begs.

like clockwork. jude squats down to get closer. “want me to get you out of here?”

weakly, the girl nods. “she’ll find me.”

“what’s your name?”

the stranger smacks her lips, eyes rolling in her head. “lolli.”

lolli turned out to be an easy haul but a terrible map. jude exasperatedly dragged her through alleys and corners, hearing the laments of her companion through the journey. lolli got sidetracked from her ride-or-dies, see, shot up a bit too much powder - something she called never - and had an urgent need to return to the clan.

jude’s self-preservation rang high when she knocked on the selected door and met a fae two heads taller than she. his red skin shone bright in the doorway, his glamour invisible to jude’s geas.

“thank you for bringing pop back to us. i’m qylin” he says across from jude, having invited her in and given her a once-over. “uh, you mortal?”

she’s declined a drink, but accepted a chair. “as they come.”

qylin moves closer. “and you took out melbor? pop’s supplier?”

“is pop meant to be lolli?”

“her full name’s lollipop.”

“oh. i see.” a red flush runs across her face. “melbor huh? didn’t catch his name. i did catch both his kidneys though.”

qylin whistles.  “damn. a mortal.” he pronounces it with wonder. nothing like she’s used to. it falls with disbelief in her ears.

“that’s quite a might you got in you. here.” in an outstretched hand, jude finds a tiny acorn that no doubt has a message inside it. “if you ever quit meandering for coin and want to run with the real wolves, i’ll answer.”

wolf. she’d been a girl and she’d been a mortal. then she’d been wormfood and after that she’d been a queen. couldn’t say jude once considered herself a wolf, or imagined running with them. then again, she had become so many things far from her imagination.

the ward. the mortal. the queen. the wrath. her list of faces ran endless, each mask pressing heavier and heavier on her fragile composition.

*

in the beginning, vivi congratulated her like a preschooler with a trophy. “look at you, making an effort. i told you home wasn’t so bad.”

months later they’ve turned to “you are too far out” accompanied by the tapping of her foot, a face riddled by concern. “you’re jumping into danger again.”

vivi didn’t know how jude missed being afraid.

*

if she dreams of cardan, the sting pulls her awake and breathless into the chirping crickets of the dark hours.

*

ninth month. her exile is a baby somewhere, born and breathing. a marking reminder of her incipient rule cut short.

jude duarte makes a decision. she steps outside of the girl she used to be, the teenager latched to a world that had not once been hers.

the acorn is light in her hands. she splits it open, unrolling the paper inside, and when she sees the address and phone number it takes her a total of eighteen minutes to pack.

*

saying goodbye without telling them it’s goodbye cracks a new wound in her already shattering heart.

*

oak thinks she’s going to the gym. vivi thinks she’s babysitting oak. heather might’ve had a clue, but she kept silent while jude hugged her, muttering a quick thanks for watching her brother while vivi came from the post office.

it appears, after years, she’d learned to say farewell to all things that were close to her.

*

qylin refrained from asking questions, just as jude liked it. she watched, studied, learned, kept to her rank while scheming for more. the room and cot qylin offers is as home as any she’s had.

*

when she urged cardan to inveigle the princess of the undersea, it led them to a hidden alcove draped with vines, to a couch where she’d bared more of jude duarte than she had in her entire life. the memory is both a memory and the dream that recurs most in her sleep. their tryst, their unculminated tumble, their fumbled connection, whatever people would want to call it. in her sickest hours, jude allowed herself to think of it with a tender gaze, with a pink shiny filter, with the dreaded word she’d been on the run from for years.

that you hate me. tell me that you hate me.

“i hate you,” jude whispers. “i hate you and i married you and i hate you.” the two phrases weren’t mutually exclusive.

*

lollipop has been gone for weeks, but her junkie spirit is alive.

the wrath evaded nevermore like cats did water, but the gradual acclimation to qylin’s ring fills her with misplaced ease. it took them damn near six months, but jude finally surrendered her arm.

it pricks, the needle, like the pinch on her finger when cardan stabbed her for the salt in her blood. for the antidote to faerie fruit.

she’s high. she’s at a revel in new york and she’s vulnerable and she’s high.

it doesn’t take long for jude to cement her decision to never do drugs in her natural life again. but once that’s been engraved in her think tank, the world turns mellow and technicolor. it tells her to enjoy while it lasts.

she’s surrounded by leaves, platter of fruit, dancing pixies and slender fae. painful reminders of the home she direly tries to forget.

in a mirage, she pictures black curls under a golden crown of flowers. cruel lips forming a smile.

as if underwater, ears plugged with chlorine liquid, jude hears a seductive voice to her side. “what a pretty thing.” a woman. tall and thin, fae ears and slit green eyes. eyes that fall down to jude’s chest. “busty.”

not all quite there, jude struggles but succeeds in recognizing the tone coming from her courtier. and before she can respond, to her surprise, a second woman emerges from the back of her new companion.

she’s got beautiful straight teeth and straighter talons. “careful. saphine can bite.”

after being called hideous half a life, this come-on douses jude awake like a bucket of water. she studies the two girls and the raking nature of their eyes. she thinks perhaps if she paid more attention she could’ve recognized that in cardan’s eyes. could’ve told it apart from the hatred, the arrogance and the disgust.

without preemptiveness, without pause to think it over, jude tugs both girls to her. her body busts in sensation.

she remembers cardan in a maze, draped in languor and gold faerie drug and girls. black shark eyes watching her while horned girls had their way with him. one kissed his neck, she remembers, and another his knee.

“here,” she scoffs, pushing down sapphire or whatever’s head to her knees. “above my boot.”

a chuckle. “feisty, huh?” she hears, and she truly doesn’t care.

next, jude unceremoniously pulls the second girl up to her neck, leading them exactly where and how she wants them. she’s a constellation of heat and brief spikes of libido.

does cardan think of her? when he’s in bed or bedding someone new, whichsoever activity he performs at night, does jude cross his mind? does he remember her? sometimes in the ridiculous seclusion of her mind she thought cardan would be faithful to her once upon a time. she could slap her own cheeks for such foolishness.

his face appears stark in her memory. deep hollows on his collarbones, raven black hair and eyes devouring her like fruit. his lips, they’d been so soft.

jude leans her head back and laments her ghosts. she inhales sharply.

after the hot spell passes, after jude feels the trickle of tongue make its way up to her thigh and another down her chest, she pushes them away.

why? she doesn’t know. jude is only sure of the fact that she’s tired and doesn’t want this and instead wants a glass of water then maybe a bed.

saphine tilts her head, rolls her eyes, and waves her off, moving along. jude is thankful, for the first time, at being so easily discarded.

*

a month later makes two years since her infamous exit.

“unless cardan has a child,” oak said. many moons past.

the memory of him brings upon a dream. the opposite to her listless, watered-down dreams she grew used to having.

she sneaks through the palace, it’s name near forgotten to her, crawling against walls or chasing shadows.

he’s there. he’s in many of her dreams and he’s there in this one. hair astray. tilted crown. reclined on a couch, his tail freely swishing left and right.

if he remembers their pact of marriage, he doesn’t bother to show it. no mourning, no sadness, no desperation. unlike the other dreams of him, in this he’s placated. joyful, even, in a way so seldom his character.

jude’s understanding is little.

something squirms in cardan’s arms. when she gets closer it nearly takes her breath away to a fault, threatening to kill her. it’s a baby. older than a newborn but small enough to fit in his arms, to paw at his chin and gargle.

no test could prepare her for this sight.

and cardan. he’s absolutely changed. reinvented in the light of this babe, this creature jude hasn’t seen the face of. because that is his spawn, the tiny tail swishing from its rear indicates as much. that, combined with the black tresses, leaves no doubt that she is looking at a king and his heir.

in the depths of her shriveled dignity, jude duarte senses another break, another disgusting branched crack.

her husband is inconsolable in love. his bright smile slashes wide across his face, softening his sharp cheekbones. he lifts the baby to his face, pressing their noses together, cooing. she hardly recognizes him. but she recognizes the lack of a need for her.

this was a nightmare.

cardan lets the child descend, adjusting them in his lap with heartbreaking gentleness. to her horror, the toddler turns and pierces jude in place with raven black eyes.

she runs cold all over. the child has the look of a girl.

her coloring is unique, darker than cardan’s and any fae’s. it’s closer to… jude’s own. and below the black curls, which she realizes now is actually dark amber brown, there’s ears. rounded, untipped, human ears.

jude is utterly unmoored. the scene melts. she wakes up to hands descending upon her, to frightened questions of why she was screaming and that she’s woken up half of the gang. they cannot get a straight answer from her, and after plowing her with cups of water and aspirins from a quick run to the mini-store, the most they get from jude duarte is a somber face and a fall into her pillow.

*

jude becomes a gallery of girls. she’s judy, and she’s martina, and she’s amelie with the occasional latika. running in qylin’s underworld gang requires her to. police don’t catch her, fae detectives don’t either, and if by chance she needed to run an errand the name she gave was one of a basinful of fake i.d. cards.

“i once had a twin,” she offhandedly told someone.

“what was her name?” they asked.

jude slurped from a tall gas station soda cup. “doesn’t matter.”

*

three years. the earnest smile she’d lost a number of winters ago returns tenuously but surely. as a sliver, as a tiny reminder, as a planted seed showing the very smallest evidence of root.

*

a pixie joins their ranks. young and limber. her cerulean skin reminds jude of a blue court under the sea.

“fand,” she greets the mismatched group. “newborn nomad.”

jude welcomes her by the form of a nod, turning back to the display of headshots splashed on the table, organizing it into a semblance of order.

she feels fand dance around her, suspicious to her presence. she thinks for a hot minute that fand might want to cause trouble. jude focuses her attention to the knife hidden between her breasts.

the pixie stares at her, unabashed, and right as jude thinks to reach to her chest, fand grows the courage to ask. “you. do i know you?”

the question falls flat. “i don’t believe so. there’s little chance our paths crossed.”

fand squints. “well, i’ve just left elfhame. finally broke from that unruly mess.”

lightning forks in jude’s chest, attacking her nervous system. an old phantom possesses her body, causing her to still.

the pixie moves closer, inspecting. “your look, it’s so familiar.”

jude understands in a minute.

taryn. fucking taryn. always, forever, impossible-to-be-rid-of taryn.

summoning years of falsehoods and acting experience, jude breaks eye contact to laugh and feign offense. “all mortals look the same to fae, i’m sure.”

that is not a lie. she learned that from the wickedest prince himself.

*

when fand slips away from the gang two nights later, jude forces herself to block it from memory.

*

she’s almost twenty-one. in faerie she might have died since she was eleven.

here, she’s got a family. a rough knit circle of confidants, people she rarely thinks twice about trusting anymore. her music keeps her company, and her growing arsenal of skills, of wins, it warms the smallest piece of her soul.

how could she have hated such a place?

*

“counterinsurgents. we calculate two dozen below the bridge,” jekka, qylin’s second, explains over a map.

jude’s focus is precise, uninterrupted.

the years, the lack of practice from a simple lack of need to, makes it so that she doesn’t religiously check the perimeter, doesn’t spot a green face. his dark tuft of hair and hooked nose, spying from the window, hidden among leaves and wind.

if she had seen him, she might’ve remembered her old friend. if she’d seen him, she might’ve broken down in tears, or begged for a word, or done none of those things to help jekka figure out their positions for the next day’s raid.

*

“watch for the sniper!” one of her gang yells.

jude ducks, experienced muscles leading her across the space, the shielded street with broken streetlights. abandoned houses repurposed for criminal night creatures sprawl one after the other. they’ve chosen one a stone throw from the river, so close they could taste the salt while counting bloody fae or human scalps.

five, six, seven leaps and she’s out of shot, crammed into a wedge in the building. she took down three counterinsurgents already. the wrath ran rampant today.

another figure jumps out the window, two yards from her, and takes off running through the backside of the house, the one facing the water. swift as the wind, jude pursues in fervor.

bam.

first the noise like thunderclap. then the pain.

oh.

when they screamed sniper, she expected an arrow. she expected a taut bow and a sharp, easily removed tip of metal. not a bullet.

*

in the end, jude has been a galaxy of abridges.

she’s had abridged parents, gone before her eighth birthday. that led to an abridged innocence and an abridged life in their rudimentary home in maine. she’s had an abridged relationship with her sisters. an abridged sense of belonging.

she had an abridged romance with a prince and king. that chapter being severed short was, as they all were, not her fault.

she had an abridged marriage. an abridged kingdom rule.

to be culminated in an abridged life. thin and meager.

she hopes no matter how small her garden has been, that each poison flower and cherry blossoms she’s sowed has done its best to enrich the tiny piece of universe allotted to her.

*

she should’ve known when she saw the river.

in water all began, and in water it ends.

there are no screams. no chaos. the gang has left her, chasing their foes further up the street, looking to corner them. jude? she’s going for a dip. a passage to the next life. she’ll float to it. gargle on the last of life.

“huh,” she whispers.

the ache is pungent in her back, the bullet hitting close to the spine but not quite. deadly, though. deadly for sure.

she wasn’t queen of nothing. she was queen of death, the hierophant of misery. her whole life has been a string of it. well, no longer.

jude duarte reaches the water’s edge, using each fiber of her strength to not fall in quite yet.

*

in the haziness of all that she’d done and all that she’d run from, he comes to her. in dream, in flesh. she’s not yet in the water.

“jude.”

this has to be the mark between. the straddling line of life and death. because somehow, impossibly, she hears him.

“jude!”

or?...

her brows scrunch in confusion, a naked toe in the river already. she wants to turn, but the seeping life at her back won’t allow it.

she doesn’t need to. long arms surround her, someone moving in front of her to read her face, to see what lies there.

it’s him.

jude’s lids droop. her back is on fire, and she burns in the flames. he’s barely changed. matured into his looks, if she had to put it into words. his tar eyes, slender lips, pointed nose and legendary black curls suddenly remind her of being seventeen.

there’s so much in his face she can barely read any of it. “is it you? is it really you?” he demands.

she’s always been jude. who jude became, that was a different question. one she no longer cares to ask.

“i found you. i finally finally found you.” his voice is incredulous.

is he the harbinger of the beyond? was that his role to play this entire time? her thoughts eddy and murk the more time passes with a hole in her back.

it is an arcane thing, in truth, to be held by a creature she’s craved and despised. her body responds on its own by pressing closer, seeking warmth.

he might be crying. could also be the angle of the sun.

“please,” he whispers.

she hasn’t said his name in years.

“cardan.”

his eyes fall closed.

her mouth repeats the motion, recognizing the familiarity of his name. cardan. once her king. her husband. the sight of him brings forth a wave of emotions, cascading through her like a waterfall.

cardan tugs her close to a punishingly tight degree. “i thought you dead.” he speaks into her ear. “we searched for years. i thought you were gone. gone, jude.”

the word pulls her back, creates distance between them. jude lets herself get lost in his eyes, those splendid eyes, bottomless and infinite, a serene look on her face as she responds:

“almost.”

the fractious prince too arrogant to be a ruler does not stand in front of her. this man is similar, but a sense of strength she hadn’t seen is forefront and shining. jude wishes she could appreciate it.

if only this weren’t the last time.

“so it is you.” she says it with wonder, with a detachment that lets her turn away from his arms and face the river.

cardan’s intake of breath indicates he has finally seen her wound. he twists his neck, shouts to someone far back, hidden in the houses. “shes hurt! SHE’S HURT!” his voice is raw and desperate.

jude walks into the water.

a hand at her arm stops her, keeps her in place, but she shrugs it off with newfound confidence and turns around. cardan’s incredulous face sparks memories of faraway lands and kingdoms.

“what are you doing?” he demands.

jude’s lips break into a smile. how she missed his voice. she walks back until water reaches her waist, then her chest, then the crown of her head.

“stop!” she hears.

the layers of the girl she was, who she is, who she could’ve been, they merge. yes, she had missed faerie. yes, she had wanted cardan. yes, she had wept tears of rage at knowing she could not have either of them back. if she cried now, her tears would turn to river water, melding into the beautiful greater whole.

a hand grips her chest. another tugs on her neck, urging her up, up, up.

air. sweet air in her lungs.

jude gasps, her plans interrupted. the bulletwound at her back sears at the salt water, the sensation so intense it actually numbs her and leaves her feeling very little.

cardan presses her flush to his body. he raises her up, and his face is marked with horror and betrayal.

“how could you?” he weeps. his features are anguished, desperate. he’s shaking her by the shoulder. “how could you?”

jude smiles a wet smile. “remember when you pushed me into the rapids? and you forced my twin to abandon me and kiss your cheeks? i can’t remember a time when i’ve been warm since then. the water, it was cold. like a leech.”

“the roach is gathering for a salve. jude, you will be okay. you need to get out now.”

she realizes there’s something wrong. “wait. no. that’s a lie. i am a liar.” she tilts her face to his, eyes meeting. “you were warm. behind the throne room and in your bed. you kept me warm. but you ripped me from my home and i've been cold since.”

cardan does something she didn’t imagine him capable of. he didn’t do so when balekin beat him. he didn’t do so when his family was slaughtered. he did so this moment, with her encircled by his arms. cardan sobs.

maybe this is when he understands he’s been forever her herald. the marker of her death. their destinies, interlinked, but only for this.

as he bares himself open, jude candidly studies his face. there’s freedom in allowing herself to admit she missed him. missed all of it. her kingdom that never was.

“i’ll heal you,” he implores. his hand runs down wet and shakingly down her face. “you’re my queen. we’ll use our magic. we will, jude, if you stay with me. don’t you get it? the exile was fake. i never meant for you to vanish. i’m begging you, please, help me heal you.”

her forehead falls on his. waist-deep in water, she feels his short breaths fall on her cheek. “you held hatred for me once.”

slowly, miserably, cardan shakes his head. the motion makes her pull away but he doesn’t let her, staying together. “love. i held love, jude.”

love

four letters.

years of running. and it caught up to her all the same.

his words hit her worse than the sniper did. she staggers in his embrace.

“hold.” he says the word with intensity. “i hold, jude.” cardan refuses to let her go, won’t let her fall. “you walked away with my heart.”

thoughts swirl in her head. they swim around like the fish crossing in between their legs.

“hold,” she says weakly.

hold love. he loves me.

impossible. and true.

“huh.”

*

“hold me,” she asks him. and he does.

he does.

he appears vacillant to his actions save for holding her.

jude can’t remember a time when she wasn’t running. from her parents’ demise. from madoc’s threats. from the cruel fae. from her sister’s betrayal. from cardan’s torments and, apparently, his ministrations of love. from her own shadow.

they haven’t moved from the water. it’s been a minute. it’s been four years.

jude feels her body slag, the water making up for the new deadweight.

“i wish you’d never left me,” he murmurs.

gratingly, she lifts her hand to trace a finger along the hard, straight line and point of her husband’s ear. “cardan, are you here to ask me for a divorce?”

his face breaks. she’s fully leaning on him, his long arms cradling her to his chest. amidst their soaked clothes, she feels the thudding of his heart against her cheek.

jude’s eyes flutter open and closed. “i want to tell you i will. i want to tell you i’ve waited for it. i - ah…” a jab of pain causes her to pause. “i want to tell you it hasn’t been eating me alive to be apart from you. i want to tell you… so… many… lies.”

through her misty vision, she sees cardan shake his head. “you are not leaving me.” the conviction in his voice draws a laugh from her.

“oh, cardan.” it’s the last good breath in her lungs. in the distance, she feels the ripples of someone entering the river, racing towards them. she sees only pitch black eyes. “i already have. i already have.”

they are esoteric, rendered in numinous light. from their entwined bodies in the water, there grow white flowers at the riverbed, their petals straining for the sun.

[skvaderarts]

Hiraeth Chapter 43: Grimoire

Masterlist can be found Here!

Chapter Forty-Three: Grimoire

Note: And here’s me, genuinely unable to remember if Vergil gave V his book back and what chapter that could have happened in. I’m certain he has, but fuck, really that bothers me. Not even joking. It was so many chapters ago. So many months… 

(-~-)

 One day later…

Thick sheets of ice shattered underfoot like faulty glass, sending a slurry comprised of semi-melted ice and slushy snow jetting out in all directions. The temporary surface slid slightly, but due to the height of the surrounding snow, didn’t migrate very far and was still able to be walked upon if done so carefully.

It had stormed in the short time that they had spent away, leaving the entirety of Redgrave and its surrounding municipalities covered under a moderately thick blanket of powdery-white snow. But today was different. The snow had gone from heavy clumps stuck together by the moisture in the air to soft flurry barely noticeable to casual passers-by, and the sky had gone from an overcast gray to something substantially darker, the foreboding clouds admittedly daunting to take in.

More than one storm was brewing just over the horizon, and no one present was sure what to make of it. They knew that they were not ready for what was to come, but now was the time to prepare for it, nonetheless. Underestimating their opponent would gain them no favors, and as a result, they could only do their best to over-prepare for the unexpected. Simply waiting and hoping for the best was out of the cards, at least in most respects.

Having left just after Aluta’s unfortunate diagnosis of V’s newly contracted ailment, Vergil had yet to return. Not a soul knew of his whereabouts, and several possibilities were tossed about amongst everyone aware of his sudden departure, but in regards to concrete proof? Well, everything was still up in the air. It had only been a day so far, but it had still been somewhat jarring when everyone had prepared to leave and they were one descendant of Sparda short of a complete set. Where had he gone at a time like this, and what was keeping him.

But knowing full well that simply sitting idly by and awaiting his return would do them little good when they could be using that time to do something more meaningful, they had opted to return home at the time that they had originally scheduled, unsure as to what else they could do in a situation like that. Vergil knew his way home. They would simply have to wait to see what happened. And while they waited to see what the outcome of his unscheduled trip was, they would prepare themselves in any and any way that they could.

Standing in front of the front steps to his home, V wrapped his arms around himself and took a few deep breaths, exhaling slowly and allowing the chilled air to cool his lungs. He shivered, feeling a chill crawl up his spine as he exhaled again and watched the frost blow from his mouth. Despite everything he had been through in it, there was still something he found relaxing about the sight of snow; something primal within him that awakened at the slightest touch of the frozen water molecules. His muscles didn’t agree with his mind in this regard, but he still enjoyed it in spite of that. But that time had now passed, at least for the foreseeable future. He had been warned to stay within the confines of his home for reasons that he was told would make more sense to him once he returned. And now that he was back, he was willing to believe that Aluta might have been onto something.

Flora nodded in approval as she looked at the snow-draped building, watching as a large ice sickle dropped from one of the overhanging windows above and crashed into the ground, shattering like a thousand broken dreams. She turned as he approached, her long white coat trailing against the ground as she did so. Her long black hair had been placed into two loops, hanging from the lower portion of either side of her head. She popped her gum as she tucked her hands into her pockets, a strange flavor that V was certain he’d never heard of before just by looking at the color of the bubbles it made. After all, how often did someone chew black gum?

“What flavor is that?” He asked

“The gum? Oh, it’s black licorice. A favorite of mine. I’m told that makes me quite the outlier. Can’t say that I mind, though.” She shrugged nebulously, stepping out of the way as he unlocked the door and opened it. He then stepped to the side and allowed her to pass him, sure that she probably wanted to get out of the cold just as much as he did. “Care to try it?”

 V hadn’t exactly brought any luggage with him. It was just an overnight trip, and more pressing obstacles had stood in the way of more trivial things like reading. All he really had with him was a change of clothes, and nothing more. Well, aside from his book, but that didn’t count. It never left his side, even when he didn’t make the fact that he had it known to anyone else.

He shook his head politely, declining her generous offer. “I appreciate the offer, but no thank you. I like the tea quite a bit, but aside from that… Well, I’m afraid not.“

She nodded, shrugging in polite indifference. In truth, that was the answer she was expecting. After all, it was the one she normally received when she offered someone some of her favorite candy. It was genuinely amazing to her that licorice companies stayed in business with the number of people that she’s met who hated it with a passion. Where did the demand come from?

“Fine by me. I get that. Most people besides me don't seem to like it much. Guess it’s a matter of taste” She said, popping the gum again. She unwrapped another stick, pausing for a moment to add it to her mouth. She then continued to chew, stopping only when she was forced to migrate the gum to one of the sides of her mouth in order to speak. “ I’ve never actually had the tea. Didn’t know that it was even a thing.” 

“Yea, you're probably right about that. I don’t think I know anybody that likes that stuff now that you mention it.”

Both V and Flora turned to watch as Nico approached them from around the corner. Having just stashed the van in the garage, she was now ready to join them inside of the house where it was presumably warm and not snowing. In truth, she was willing to take at least one of those things. Anything was better than freezing to death in the snow outside of V’s front door. She liked to look at it, and she didn’t mind going out in it, but in this outfit? No way, she was going to catch her death out there.

Smiling, Flora motioned for Nico to follow them inside and stepped across the threshold, brushing off her coat as she did so. As soon as Nico scampered through the doorway, V closed it and leaned his cane against the entryway wall before heading into the living room and immediately over towards the fireplace. There had to be some way to light it. There was fuel in it, after all.

Noticing her newfound companion’s plight, Flora headed over to watch, noting that he seemed to be looking around for something to light it with. She waited for a short while, not wanting to step on his toes in regards to something so simple, but admittedly growing colder and colder by the minute. It was something that she could remedy easily enough, but not something that she wanted to attempt in someone else’s house. She didn’t sense any notable traces of magic in this house, so that meant that there were no protective wards in place to protect it from fires. Well, at least for the time being.

Realizing that there wasn’t anything he could use to light the fire, he turned towards the young Ludwig girl, catching on to the fact that she was quietly offering her assistance simply by being there. He shrugged slightly, clearly unsure as to what she could do, but willing to take any help that she could offer him at this point. The nearest store had been burned down during his run-in with Belial, and he was admittedly still a little unsure as to whether or not he wanted to go shopping again anytime soon.

“Could you assist me with this, please? I have a hunch that you might be able to.”

A sneaky smile spread across her lips as she nodded and stepped forward, rubbing her hands together. She seemed to concentrate carefully on what she was doing before pointing her left palm towards the wood that had been added to the fireplace. She got in close and placed her hand on the log, whispering something for a moment before a small spark became a vibrant flame and she ignited the wood, allowing the fireplace to finally serve its purpose.

V nodded in approval, admittedly impressed and grateful to finally be able to warm himself by the fire. He would have to ask her how she did that, or at least purchase a fireplace lighter before she left. Something told him that he couldn’t just do what she had done. It didn’t look particularly easy when she had done it.

Upon realizing that she didn’t have to suffer in the cold hallway any longer, Nico came over and flopped down on the floor in front of the fire, clearly grateful for its rejuvenating warmth. She closed her eyes and laid down, forming a sort of snow angel on the wooden floor. Nico then pointed up towards Flora as she sat up again, nodding in dramatic approval. It wasn’t every day that you saw something like that.

“Sirrus did something like that once, but it was with some kinda black fire. It was pretty cool, not gonna lie.” Nico shook her head, seemingly still in disbelief that she was surrounded by so many extraordinary people. Her life had been so normal just a year or so ago. Well, as normal as it could have been considering the fact that she was working as a gunsmith and had recently met Lady. That had probably been the beginning of the end for her. “You think you could teach me some of this cool stuff you guys do in that big, fancy house of yours? Because I want in on that. It would be super cool.”

An almost teasing look crossed her face as she punched Nico playfully in the shoulder, coaxing an entertained but brief laugh from the mechanic as she sat up again and attempted to right herself. “I suppose nothing bad could come from showing you the basics. We're always looking for new disciples. Just don’t say I showed you. I’m certain that madam Willow would have my head for it if she knew.

Nico exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and heading into the kitchen. Flora and V made themselves comfortable in front of the fire in the meantime, seemingly ready to call it a day even though it wasn’t even noon yet. Perhaps that was the problem. It was too early for at least one of them, and almost too early for the other. Nico was too sporadic to say definitively. But as she sat there basking in the glow of the warm fire, something occurred to her that hadn’t the moment before. And thankfully Nico had returned from the kitchen empty-handed in the meantime. She could answer her question.

“Black fire you say? Very interesting… That’s quite the rarity if I’m not mistaken. I can barely make an orange flame.” Flora brushed her hair out of her face, clearly flustered slightly. What a strange thing to hear about from someone outside of the estate. She had never seen anyone wield that kind of power in person. She only knew about it through her studies. That kind of magic was forbidden. Too destructive from what she understood. “In fact, they are not quite flames at all, in that respect. Those flames, they burn cold. I’m curious what he hoped to accomplish using that type of fire.” 

Yawning, Nico sat back down on the floor and stretched out, unsure as to what else she could really add to that discussion until she remembered something. “Oh, believe me, Missy, it was definitely hot. Now that I think about it, the fire was black and white. Might have something to do with it. I don’t know, I’m not the one with the fancy magic.”

Flora blanched. Clearly, she had misheard that, or Nico was simply mistaken. Black and white flames together were simply unheard of. Was that even possible? Everyone she’d ever met put together couldn’t amass the power necessary to pull something like that off. Could Sirrus actually… 

“Now then, do you still have that scroll that you were given before your departure? I was told to assist you with it. Considering the circumstances, it should be invaluable, at least from what I have been led to believe.” Perhaps it was best to simply change the subject. After all, there was nothing she could do to influence things one way or another. The possession of that kind of power didn’t mean anything worrisome in the grand scheme of things. It was more down to the user than anything else when it came to deciding if an ability was hazardous or not. The gifts he might possess were potentially calamitous, but that didn’t mean that Sirrus was planning to wage a war of epic proportions against them simply because he possessed the ability to. Now she better understood what Hydrangea had been talking about all this time… 

V reached into the inside of his coat pocket and produced the scroll, handing it to her. She unfurled the piece of paper, carefully looking it over in the dim light before holding it closer to the fire so that she could see it better. After a moment, she nodded and then returned it to V, turning her attention back towards the fire. “Know what to do with it?”

He considered simply telling her no before deciding to look it over himself one final time, curious to know it was possible for him to glean anything useful from it in spite of his inability to actually perform magic. Well, at least on purpose. V was positive that he had accidentally done so on several occasions without realizing it, the first time he’d ever manifested his spectral canes being a stand-out example of that to him. He wasn’t sure if that was an inborn gift, or simply a case of him accidentally doing something he hadn’t known was possible. All that he knew was that he had wondered what would happen if he had tried to move his hand in a certain position after feeling a strange surge of power, and in that instant, he had figured out how to utilize that specific ability.

After studying the scroll for a moment, V furrowed his brow ever so slightly, sure that he had misunderstood what it was trying to impart upon him. He then turned his attention back to Flora, giving her a questioning look. “Am I to understand that this should be thrown into the fireplace?”

She nodded, seemingly impressed by the fact that he had actually been able to read the scroll. She then gestured towards the fire, moving out of the way so that he would be able to proceed. “Yes, as it turns out, this is a more advanced ward that requires activation instead of just reading it. Tossing it in should do the trick.”

Upon hearing this, Nico stood up, nearly falling over herself in the process. She steadied herself and brushed off her clothes, having accumulated a thin layer of dust from sitting so close to the fireplace. It seemed that V had missed that part of the room when he had attempted to clean. Or perhaps it had simply returned to that state after V and Flora looked at her curiously for a moment before she broke the silence, clearly excited.

“Okay, so…  can I throw that paper or whatever that is into the fireplace? Because I never get to mess around with this kinda stuff and it just seems super cool. I get to make stuff sometimes, but I can’t use it, ya know? I just wanna know what it’s like. That alright with you, V?”

Admittedly, V was shocked by her question. Her point was completely valid, but he hadn’t thought about the fact that Nico might feel that way. Something told him that she would probably be genuinely excited to wake up with demonic powers one day, unlike him who just didn’t know how to take it at first. He had no issue with her request, but was that even possible?

V looked over his shoulder at Flora as if to ask her if it would be possible to honor Nico’s request. She nodded, shrugging slightly but not unpleasantly. It seemed that it didn’t matter how it ended up in the fireplace. All that mattered was that it made it in there one way or another. He then turned to the mechanic and handed her the scroll, nodding in agreement. “Of course you can. Be my guest”

With a barely concealed yelp of excitement, Nico chucked the scroll into the rolling flames, going slightly wide-eyed as they turned bright purple and shot up the chimney and out of sight. A sort of heaviness lingered in the air for a moment and the windows and door rattled as the walls vibrated before settling down and returning to normal. Nico couldn’t have looked more excited if she tried.

Leaning over to teach Flora’s ear, V smirked slightly, more than a little amused. “Are you positive that you should teach her any form of magic? I’ve seen her drive. That is a disaster waiting to happen.”

(-~-)

Oh shit, I forgot to tell you all that Thursday is my Mom’s 50th birthday! We’re going to be celebrating basically all weekend, so I’m going to try my best to get the chapters out on time for Friday (I’m working on them today) but don’t be surprised if they are a little late. If you don’t see them on Friday, check back on Saturday! They should be out by then!

I hope you liked this chapter! See you in the comment section, and have an amazing day!

[titanlights-moved]

If it's not too much, how about a 📂 for every original character ? Always love learning about people's ocs !

STRAP IN THERE'S A LOT. it'll be under a cut there's so many.

- Elias is technically bisexual. i need to change his indicator on his bio. ANYWAY the reason it never comes up is due to his obsession with jay. However he has had crushes before his obsession all over the gender spectrum. Should i ever add a verse where he's not obsessed with jay i will be open to shipping him in such a manner.

- Eloise loves mangoes a lot. However she's allergic to them, as well as melon/cantaloupe.

- Hermine adores going to the club and dancing. She's damn good at it too.

- Jay has perfected the hurt puppy dog look. While they rarely intend to use it they subconsciously do it a lot without meaning to.

- Kanya loves blue milk. I can't tell you why since the irl blue milk we have at the disney parks is supposedly disgusting (i'm not a fan of animal milk anyway) but she does.

- Lana hasn't ever had honey before. I mean if its an ingredient in something she's eaten then she's unaware of it. But she's never had it in tea, never in a sandwich.

- Luna has a fear of masks and full body character suits. She doesn't like spider man and iron man that much because of it.

- Jia really doesn't wear anything that's not a lolita co-ord anymore. She knows it gets her weird looks but she loves it nonetheless. Fuck anyone who thinks it's weird.

- Fan Lei flies more than she walks. It makes her feel taller and more superior.

- goose hates the sound of people chewing bubblegum and blowing a bubble with it. it makes them nauseous.

- Titana can make her own nut butter. She used to do it all the time before the fire and moving to the Little Palace.

- Eryn is very good at astronomy as a circle of stars druid. She can also sense when a star in her sky is dying.

- Cassius is gentler with those who he think are more suitable for training as an agent/merc.

- Nova loves turkish delight and licorice.

[kangtaebins]

Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,, 

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring 

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine 

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))

[mnemehoshiko]

I Really Should Just Invest In Naps + TMI: HEALTH STUFF (x-posted DW/PF)

I'm so tired. I really need to think of a better way of starting these beyond, "hi hello. i am tired. ONCE A FUCKING GAIN."

My parents came Thursday evening to help my brother move on Friday. He's moving apartments and i'm lowkey jealous because he has

TWO ROOMS!!!

A REAL BATHROOM!!

a fucking washer and dryer in unit

all utilities covered except for internet

for fucking 950/month. T___T

The only con is that he's farther from things compared to his, now, prior apartment. Also it's carpeted which is a downside for me (and probably him). But ughhhhh.

But he did most of the movie on his own before they showed up on Friday? So they didn't have a lot left to move.

Mama brought me pillows?? Which are Nice and Lovely and I like the Color but it was also just weird to go downstairs to let them in and have the exchange of

Me: SALAAM MOM

Mother: Salaam, I have your pillows. *thrusts garbage bag filled with pillows at moi*

Me:*blinks* (thinking....when....did I....ask....for pillows??? In retrospect, it was probably one of those things I like claimed when grandma posted stuff to the family WhatsApp group?? And I probably?? Forgot???) Mother: *squints* you just woke up didn't you. Me, who got dressed in like 3 minutes immediately after she called saying they were here: *takes pillows* =__= (I had Not Just Woken Up. I had woken up and then rolled over. VAST DIFFERENCE!! ....there is no difference.) (In my defense, my period has literally Just Started and I'm like Not Happy By This. T_T) They ask if I want to come to my brother's place to move stuff and I'm like, "i'll go on the second round." (also known as attempt to clean my apartment, haahhahaha) I help with the second round of stuff and we all pile into the mini-van to go my brother's place and it's NICE and I am Not Envious but I'm Not Not Envious. =___=

He has Actual Windows. T__T (my bedroom does not. my apartment...has A Lot of Flaws but It's Walking Distance From Many Things So I'm Paying for Convenience) (is this my current mantra? MAYBE.) Anyway, afterwards we go to Costco because like That Is What I Care About. And we Costco'd up. And had minor rage that a pack of 3, clinical strength "lady" deodorants were 12.99 vs 10.99 for 5 pack of "men" clinical deodorant. My brother concurred and has like also read up on the "pink tax" before and like if he ends up marrying a lady, I'M JUST LIKE??? CONGRATS?? WE HAVE TRAINED SOME SEMBLANCE OF A WOKE BLACK MALE. PLEASE DIRECT PRAISE TO MY MOTHER AND MY SISTERS. (no really, he can cook, clean, grocery shop, basically function as a decent human being and like LISTENS WHEN WOMEN TALK IN A THOUGHTFUL MANNER. He also is willing to openly weep during movies, so like congrats.) Anyway, then we went to Sprouts?? Which is like the Large Hippie Grocery Store in Durham and I uhhhh had never been there properly and now I understand why little brother sometimes grocery shops there. There were So Many Types of Almond Milk I Was In Heaven. (update: have discovered that Sprouts....instacarts to my area......as does Sur la Table. This Is Dangerous Information.) Then we went to the hardware store to acquire somethings for little bro's apartment and then we popped back to my place and my mother was like LET ME HELP YOU WITH THINGS. Me, aware my apartment is still disastrous: "That's....not....necessary." Narrator: The mother was undeterred. She did not have a conniption but she did go into Deep Maternal Worry Mode with Bonus Overbearing and Meddling Steamrolling. Internal Me: She means well. She means well. She feels guilty that she's not Around More Often Even Though I Made The Choice To Move Down South. Mother: are you okay? I know you have the anxiety and depression but has anything else happened?? You know?? You'd feel better if this place was cleaner. Me: *pained nods* Mother: Has anything else happened that you haven't told us??? I know you have the health things but anything else? Me: ...no??? (Beyond health and like my inability to like sleep properly, nothing else has happened but stress of my grad life. =_=_ Mother: LETS TAKE JUST 5 MINUTES AND TIDY THINGS UP A LITTLE

Me, who's hungry and still Has Not Eaten In Spite of It Being 5pm: mother Mother, with broom and dustpan and trashbag: COME ALONG. Internal Me: She means Well. At Least She Is Here And Alive. Appreciate The Time You Have With Her. She Means Well. *grits teeth* We clean. WE ALMOST THROW AWAY ONE OF MY ROTHYS BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LOOK INSIDE  BOXES BEFORE THROW SHIT OUT!!! And then we go to the restaurant for dinner....where the kitchen messes up my little brother's order and has chapati on the plate and he has a severe wheat allergy. So he takes Benadryl and my mother....goes into....deep worry mode Again. SHOULD WE LEAVE HIM AT HIS APARTMENT BY HIMSELF???? SHOULD WE TAKE HIM TO THEIR HOTEL??

my mother, once again, making plans without idk ASKING EITHER PARTY INVOLVED: MNEME, YOU SHOULD STAY AT HIS PLACE OVERNIGHT!! HE HAS A WASHER AND DRYER SO YOU CAN DO YOUR LAUNDRY THERE FOR FREE!!! me, a known cheap but is fucking exhausted and trying desperately to Not Snap At My Mother Because That Is Not Respectful But Also Looking Forward to Flopping on Her Fucking Couch and Maybe Even Getting A Waterbottle for my tummy: ....yes mother. =___= My dad upon seeing my mother and I exiting the apartment complex with my laundry: ???? Me, wordlessly pleading for salvation: o__o My mother, once we get to my brother's apartment: ....you know I probably should have asked before making this plan... My brother and I having Just Accepted Our Fate: *crickets* I give my brother the air mattress to blow up until he gets a Real Bed, (the place came unfurnished--which is the other reason I haven't moved because i'd need to like Get Furniture And At This Stage of My PhD, It's Just Not Worth It--so he has No Furniture At All). I sleep on the floor instead of telling my brother to just scoot over and let me ALSO SLEEP on the mattress which is a Queen-sized mattress. Nor does it occur to him to offer it to me. *stares into the void at my back* (In her defense, she did message us apologizing and I know she wasn't doing it maliciously and she's over zealous at times because she feels bad that like I'm a few hundred miles away. Alone. By myself. Single and thus don't have like anyone who's there for emotional support which like does suck but also I AM DOING... Not Amazing But Not As Bad As Undergrad? So...yeah.) I do all my laundry except for like One set that I do in the morning because my father is slow as molasses for Anything and I Know That While My Mother Wants To Leave Early they will not be here early and I have accepted this reality. Mother: WE'RE GOING TO BE THERE By 7:30 AT THE LATEST Narrator: They arrived around 10ish. We still managed to get to the farmers markets though? WHICH IS WHAT I WANTED HER TO EXPERIENCE. NC may not have Many Good Things but The Farmer Markets are So So Nice?? And big??? I have also realized if you wear a shirt that says "Ask me, I'm a scientist!" Shockingly, people read it and like ASK. Me, who slept in this shirt and threw a cardigan on because I was Too Lazy To Put On A Real Adult Shirt: ????? ! oooohhhhh... i do science. yes. yes, i do. Also got my brother to change his address because the voter registration folks were there and like IT'S EASIER TO DO IT THERE then like Figure Out Where To Go, so like We Did Our Civic Duty Today. *finger guns* Got some loaves of GF bread from the bread seller that sells Actual Edible GF bread. Sadly, they were out of raisin because it was 11am and like they open at 7am. T___T

Then we grabbed my dad, who went to the coffee shop....to work. It's been almost a full year since his open-heart surgery and he's back to being a Workaholic. =___=

Then we went to Lowes because he needed something and my parents FAILED TO COMMUNICATE PLANS and he was like...."oh I thought we were going to do it on the way back to MD??". Either way, I now have an adapter to make a three pronged plug into a two pronged one? So yay?

Then we took me, and my laundry, back to my place. My mother gave yet more instructions. I just smiled and nodded and reminded that she meant well.

And then ran back to the car because SHE WAS SO INSISTENT ON LIKE MOVING MY LAUNDRY BASKETS THAT SHE ALMOST LEFT HER MEDS BEHIND!! Me, ....this...is why....i said.... i could do it.......

But they are now back safely in MD, along with my brother because he has an orhto appointment. I was debating going back with them but I uh can't because I have a meeting with my PI on wednesday. And thus, I stay here. But I have a lot of article revisions and analyses to do so it sadly makes sense.

Maybe I'll try to go NY in Aug or mid-July?

IN FUN HEALTH THINGS, new game that I hate; "is this blood from my period or from my ass?" Spoiler: It's both~~~." Which now makes me regretting uh telling the gastro office that "no, I don't have symptoms so I don't think the steroid is necessary??" But in my defense, I DIDN'T HAVE SYMPTOMS ON WEDNESDAY WHEN THEY CALLED. Also they uh, usually are 3-6 months apart not 1.5 months...apart. So that was an unpleasant surprise which led to me pass out in bed when my parents left because ahhahahaha blood loss is v v exhausting and I forgot to pack my iron pills last night.

-____-

So, my mother is coming down again in July to take me to my sigmoidscopy. In which, they'll see things. Or they won't. I hope they see something? Anything? I don't want UC but I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW

- why i've been constantly inflamed since 2015?

- i know what hemorrhoidal bleeding looks like and uhhhhh i'm sorry but I shouldn't be dropping Actual Clots Out Of My Ass

*lies down*

i just want to not be tired and my intestines to not hate me as much. =_=

Okay, I am Going To Actually Sleep After I Knock Back Some Licorice Tea for my throat. (it's....super sore for some reason which is Not Great since I have D&D tomorrow most likely.)

[bakugous-abs]

Admin Bomb’s OC

As promised, here’s the installment of our oc’s that we talked about last night

Name: Izumi Nakamura

Age: 16

Gender: Nonbinary with Female leaning (She/They pronouns)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Quirk: - Animal Shifting - She can shift into any animal as long as she knows the basic structure of that animal (Muscle structure, Nervous System, Behaviour, etc.) - If she shifts into the same species of animal for more than 3 or 4 times, her body will begin to take on physical features of that species, and even breed or specific animal depending on which animals she shifted into, like feathers in place of her hair. Long thick nails instead of her thin short human ones. Long wolf canines instead of her dull short ones - If she stays in a morph for too long or constantly shifts too close to each timing to each other, her bones could begin to dislocate and splinter - However, if she shifts into any animal that has too much emotional stress or trauma tied to it, she could lose control over the animal shes morphed into. So, she can become a wild and very feral Lion on the school campus that needs to be soothed out of its form - If she doesn't know enough about the animal she wants to morph into, she simply can’t morph, or else it will cause extreme headaches that could last for hours, or even days - Each animal she shifts into becomes a part of her and is another form she can shift into. So when the animal shift is injured in battle, she can unshift from it to allow it to heal inside her. However, some of the injuries carry over into her human form or leave extremely bad bruises or open wounds from her animal form. The injuries that can get carried over from morph to morph are based on how severe the injury is

Appearance: - Skin: Honey-colored skin with a serious case of Vitiligo, loss of pigment all over her body - Hair: Mid Back length brown hair that turns gold in light - Eyes: Hooded dark green eyes that slowly comes to a very thin golden strip around her black pupil. - Height: 5’2 (157.5cm) - Weight: 128 lbs (58kg)

Personality: She is a very stoic character with a natural cold glint in her eyes when they’re bored, making her seem a very unapproachable character. But once she becomes friends with people of class 1-a, the cold glint her eyes seem a little less malice and more friendly, and her stoic personality fades away into something more welcoming and less on edge. She is a bit wary about being touched, not really having the best experiences with people touching her in the past. She does love animals, as per her quirk, and wants to become a veterinarian like her father if Hero work doesn’t work out

Family: She doesn’t like to associate with her family, other than her father. Her mother is very strict with scheduling and her training, a lot like Enji with Todoroki. She has a deceased younger brother that has a lot of relation to why she can't shift into a Lion anymore. Her father, however, is a kind soul that she believes doesn't deserve her mother. He loves all life and is often the one to take care of her if he’s around after her intense training, but more often than not, she has to take care of herself

Fears: Trypanophobia (Needles, blood draws, or infections)

Mental illnesses: Anxiety, PTSD, ADHD

Fun facts: - She has an extremely limited vocabulary when it comes to speaking an animal language - She has a small accent that comes out when she is excited or nervous (and when she's crying but nobody of class 1-a has seen that) the whole of class 1-a has silently deemed cute, even though she has absolutely no idea where it comes from - She can tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue - She despises licorice for both its smell, its taste, and its texture - She hates Mineta with a burning passion but is too soft to do any harm to him unless he’s being a fucking perv around her - Although she doesn’t like other people touching her, she becomes unnoticeably clingy to other people, as in she doesn’t notice she’s leaning onto them or holding onto them when she talking, and the whole class has accepted it and literally doesn’t care at this point. Example: “Oh my god Kirishima, I can’t believe what I did earlier in math-” *holds onto Kirishima’s with one of her arms while Kirishima just lets it happen, not caring as she continues* and “Bakugou, I can’t believe this bitch just-” *starts cuddling into Bakugou’s side, while he also doesn't care and lets it happen while ignoring her (but is lowkey giving out advice on how to deal with the problem in the Bakugou Way™)* - “No, Sero, you can’t put ice cream in the toaster oven” < Something she has had to say to Sero when he was getting too food curious - Bakugou and Jirou are low-key her drama buddies when she has the tea to spill. But she goes to them separately, not together - She has stolen one hoodie from everyone in the class. These are deemed her sleeping clothes - The reason they’ve been deemed her sleeping clothes is because she gets really lonely and scared at night and likes to think the hoodies are just someone else next to her. (Low-key gives them back for a few days to get the others’ smell back on it) They all know this and don’t mind. Though Bakugou was really aggressive about it at first, but later just got so used to someone sneaking out a hoodie for her to wear he just let her take one when she needed it - Absolutely loves Salty foods, not so much sweet as they hurt her teeth - She cares for class 1-a as class 1-a cares (The hoodies, the letting her cling to them, etc.) in more direct ways like helping them study or doing their laundry or part of their chores when they’re really stressed - She doesn’t have a good relationship with Aoyama for some reason - She is, in fact, completely terrified of loud very sudden high pitched noises. They’re a trigger to her PTSD - Cereal first, then milk - No pineapple on pizza - Her entire wardrobe is made up of sweatshirts and hoodies because she’s very self-conscious about her Vitiligo, and has come to absolutely despise the schools' uniforms. The very thin ones are saved for summer and thick ones are saved for winter

[kendrixtermina]

Disclaimer For Potential Partners (f/m/x)

Writing this down as much to gather my thoughts and go into this with clear priorities as for possible future reference. 

My mother always told me that if you wanted everyone to like you, you’d have to be a 50 dollar bill. I have come to accept that I’m more like licorice. Some people aren’t gonna like me but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t others who would appreciate me. 

I’d rather you run away screaming NOW than in three years when we’re both invested so Let’s get all this out of the way:

I’m bisexual. Yes, I’ve dated dudes in the past. I’ve had a brief online flirt with an agender person and do think androgynous ppl are hot which I suppose would make me pan in some ppl’s books, at this point the choice in label is purely aesthetic. I’m looking for a female partner right now because I’ve always had a slight preference for girls anyways but a sufficiently compatible non-female would not be refused. 

Because ppl have gotten this wrong in the past: Preference is about how likely you are to notice that someone is hot in the first place like in the early stages. It doesn’t mean my attachment to those dudes was any less “real” (or the other way around!) I just flat out don’t care whats in your pants there are other things to be picky about

From since I was young, the message I got from music, books etc is that it’s pretty bad to say “I love you” unless you truly mean it. So I don’t say “I love you” until I’m 100% sure I can do that it good conscience. It seems that it takes me a bit longer to be sure than most people, but it’s not like I’ve conducted statistics on this

I’m not vegan/vegetarian and I’m never going to be vegan/vegetarian

I’m not a pet person 

I’m not a sporty person and I’m never going to be a sporty person

Go through my stuff, spy on me in any way or ask me to tell you where I am at all times and its over

I’m an antiprohibitionist and don’t think there’s anything morally wrong with taking recreational substances. Conversely, I’m not interested in that sort of thing as a full-on lifestyle either. 

I try to keep an open mind and try everything once but im probably not gonna reorganize my life around new age woo-woo. 

So far my folks have liked most my partners, but if our social circles don’t get along I’m comfortable with leaving them separate. 

I believe in judging people as individuals first. I don’t wanna hear no paranoid shit about “the muslims” or other stereotypical carricatures but if you’re gonna be “europeans that europeans this” as if im not in the room its not gonna work. 

Don’t be fooled by the foreign-sounding surname im a potato through and through. No exotic fanservice to be had here. 

Barring unforseen dictatorships, I don’t want to move out of Europe. I like it here. Its full of frustrating dumbasses but so is the rest of the world.  Yay for cheese and consumer protection laws! I would consider moving closer to the shore though. 

It’s fine if you don’t speak German but you should not hate or dislike it.  English is a plus because me, my friends and my family are into internet culture

I haven’t spoken to my father in five years. No, you’re not going to patch this up. You don’t have to ignore him too if you’re not comfortable but you’ll have to respect my choice instead of playing family therapist or throwing platitudes about forgiveness at me. 

Im not counting and it depends on your definition but Ive fucked at least 15-20 people, which according to statistics is above average? Always used rubber unless it was long-term and exclusive tho. That might bother some ppl. 

That said it has been my conclusion that fucking does nothing that a beer can’t do and that the real quality stuff is what you could already do as a grade schooler when you still thought of all the grownup stuff as mystical. Having ice cream together, exploring new places, having contemplative conversations in the rain, telling each other your fantasies? That’s The Stuff. 

Hence while I wouldn’t turn down some fuckage along the way what im looking for at this point is someone to share life and grow old with, like there doesn’t need to be the expectation of further strings but the end goal RN is to find One That Sparks Joy(TM) that will get precedence

I’m not big on material gifts or the ritual part of dating if thats important to you I might not be the ideal candidate, but if its not thats probably good for your wallet

I’m a strong introvert. Sometimes I go weeks without talking to anyone other than my boss or maybe texting my relatives. If you’re very introverted or work alot this might be an advantage. Of course if I love you I will try my best to match up to your attention needs but if you need your partner to text you 15 times every day to feel good I might just not be your cup of tea

That doesn’t mean im not interested in going on or doing new experiences. I very much hope to do that together with you just not 5 days a week - if you can’t give new things wholehearted tries things might get uncomfortable

I like spicy food and all sort of asian cousine, but if you can’t stand the sight of cheese, asparagus and sausage it’s not gonna work either. I can obviously put less chili in your portion. 

I tend to talk fast and I find it hard to stop it even if I try, if that bothers you look elsewhere

I cannot stand forced optimism OR over-the top misanthropy or snobbishness. I will gush about things, but I like my dark edgy content and I stand by it. It is an advantage if you like talking about art. If you don’t like morbid humor that might be a problem

No diet talk

No perfectionism

No passive aggressive ppl or ppl that are uncomfortable with direct confrontation. That won’t work, we’d just set each other off even without meaning to and it would just be sad. If Im doing something wrong don’t expect me to notice by magic, tell me to my face so I can fix it. Don’t be hostile out of nowhere and don’t beat around the bush. 

im not religious or spiritual. I don’t mind if you are but if you want to have kids and bring them up strongly-immersed in some Abrahamic faith im not sure if this is the right adress

No anti-intellectualism (no snobbery, elitism or smartassery either - as a wise pig once said, “Knowledge is a horizon to strive for, not a prize to hold in your hand” It begins with realizing what you don’t know)

Indifferent about monogamy, but I wouldn’t say that I’m the sort of person who needs non-monogamy either.  If you want to we can do it (write me out some list of where you draw the lines so there’s no misunderstandings) but if you don’t it’s no biggie. I don’t care if you fuck 10 other people - for me, respect, honor and loyalty are to do with other things, like, don’t make fun of me and don’t expect me to change because one (1) person said I’m weird or whatever.

Don’t give me diseases tho. I’ll take precautions to extend the same courtesy to you.  

Potential character flaws: I can be a tad sensitive, disorganized and defensive sometimes, not gonna sugarcoat it. I have no filter and curse like a sailor. Also I have zero social skills and sometimes I come across as either angry or unemotional when its really the opposite. I find that just as confusing and contradictory as that sounds, I have like zero sense of how I come off. I try to be aware of all of these and do right to everyone to the best of my ability but if you’re sensitive about any of these point someone else might be a better fit 

2 kids max. I’m not sure I’ll have ANY at this point, and most certainly not in the next 5 years. IF we decide to have some later I volunteer to carry them though, I probably have good genes, my mom popped out 4 babies in 6 years with nary a complication. Besides I’d rather it was me dealing with the gross pregnancy stuff than someone I love

My favorite bedroom stuff is fingers-in-front-cavity and butt stuff. Mild sleepsex fetish but nothing super pronounced. What I don’t like or just am not very good at is top/bottom play. 

So far most my partners have had somewhat stronger sex drive than me but Id argue that I very much have one and ive never refused unless I was in physical pain, severely sleep-deprived or working on some important work-related thing that was due the next day. 

It’s important - and science backs me up on this - that you can freely talk to each other in n open, natural and relaxed manner

If you think im weird just do us both the favor and stay away don’t come at me with the attitude that you’re gonna mold me to your desires - even just writing this comes off kinda touchy but im saying this because some people out there really don’t get it. Like my natural tendency is to be open, courious and realistic,  but some people see that as free real estate and then it falls to me to be the reasonable one and End The Madness and im tired of that.

Like I want to be able to give love and pour out all my inner romantic shit without having to be afraid of being fucked over I want to be able to trust you with my inner harley quinn as well as my inner phantom of the opera 

UGH that sounded a bit tryhard didn’t it? But its the best description i could come up with

Must remember to translate this into mordor speak later

[lalka-laski]

What’s the next really important thing you have to do? Well I’m at work right now and there are quite a few tasks on my to-do list today. But will I do them? Or will I just do surveys all day? Stay tuned! 

Are you looking forward to anything? Celebrating Mardi Gras tomorrow with my parents & Glenn! 

If you could study anything at any school, where and what would you study? Well I have my BS but I’d like a Master’s at some point. Maybe. 

What was the last essay you remember writing about? A personal essay 

Remember which movie the line, “We are the weirdos, mister”, is from? No clue. I’m far from a movie buff. 

Do you wear lipstick often? Nah. I’d like to get more into makeup as an artform but I never have the energy (or willingness) to practice. 

Do you prefer pants or skirts? Why? Dresses most of all. Then skirts.  How late is too late for coffee for you? I try not to drink it past 3 pm  Are you more of a girly girl or a tomboy? I hate both those terms, tbh. But everyone describes me as a girly girl. 

In your dream kitchen, would the worktops be marble or steel? Marble! 

What’s the best cake you’ve ever baked? I’m not a baker and I don’t think I’ve ever baked a whole cake, actually. Just cupcakes, and even those are just from a box. 

Have you ever tasted black/salted licorice? Black licorice, yes. 

Have you ever cross stitched anything? If so, what? Nope. Might be a cool thing to learn but I’m sure I’d lose interest quickly as I do with every other craft I try. 

You’re going on a date with someone you like. What would you like to do? I know it sounds typical but going out to eat is one of my FAVORITE things to do ever. So dinner & drinks is always top of my list. Glenn & I also LOVE bookstores, especially when we can sit and read for awhile. Damn Covid! 

You äre hanging out with your best friend. What would you like to do? Again, going out for food or drink is my top choice. I especially like scoping out new restaurants with my friends because Glenn isn’t that adventurous with food so we’re more limited with places to eat. I also love having game nights, movie nights, or doing other fun activities at home.

Have you ever written or considered writing a play? I love writing but I don’t know enough about live theater to write a play. I mean, I wrote little plays and skits as a kid but who didn’t?

How about a novel? If so, could you give us the synopsis of the plot? I consider it often. We’ll see... 

Who is considered the “black sheep” of your family? Why? None of us, really. My family is hardly homogenous and everyone is kinda free to just be themselves. (This doesn’t mean we’re exempt from criticism. It just means no individual is singled out) 

Why is your favorite movie your favorite movie? Legally Blonde because I identify with the protagonist and the movie’s message as a whole. 

Don’t you wish there were more new surveys? I don’t do surveys nearly enough for that to be an issue. 

Have you ever hosted a kids’ birthday party? Not entirely but I’ve certainly helped host many of them 

What’s a color you hate? Orange

What’s an odor you hate? The smell of wet peanut butter or tomato sauce. You know, like when you’re washing dishes. It makes me ILL!!

What’s a sound you hate? Certain people’s voices REALLY grate me. Oh also my alarm clock. 

If money was no issue, what would you like to do right now? I would say travel but Covid kinda puts a damper on that. I’d like to be working on a book or some other writing project, maybe a website?

What’s something you’re so good at that you take pride in your skill? Writing. Sometimes. 

Is anything exciting or special happening in exactly three weeks from now? Uhh my guess is no. But hey, I’m gonna be open to ~possibilities~

What’s something you’d never ever dare to ask another person? "Are you pregnant?” 

What’s something you’ve always wanted to ask someone but haven’t dared? “What the fuck is your deal?” 

What is a song you cannot stand? LIFE IS A HIGHWAY

What is the tastiest alcoholic beverage? I’m partial to red ales. Oh, and any kind of sparkling wine! 

What’s the worst/best thing you’ve done without your parents knowing? Uhh... 

If you wear earrings, what does your favorite pair look like? I’ve never had anything pierced 

Have you ever won any money from a scratch card? I think a few bucks here and there but I never cashed in on it. 

How about a slot machine? Nope 

Do like playing bingo? Never really seen the appeal 

What’s been the best thing you’ve found at a flea market? I’ve never been to one

Have you ever eaten anything sweetened with xylitol? If so, what? Uhh.. not sure. 

If you could have any color lights in your house, which would you choose? I like warm lighting over white lights. 

Do you ever glance at people’s butts? I mean, yeah? 

What’s a random funny scene from a movie that has stuck with you? It’s a TV show but what immediately comes to mind is this scene from That’s So Raven that I watched the other day. It’s when she’s pretending to be “Liz Anya.” I’m 28 years old and it still made me CRACK THE HELL UP. 

What’s the nicest thing that’s happened in the past few days? I had a LOVELY Valentine’s Day yesterday. And so far today is off to a good start so let’s keep this momentum going! 

What has been the best birthday you’ve had so far? Mmm last year’s was pretty good if I remember correctly. I’ve never had a bad one! 

What small, everyday thing makes you really happy? That first sip of coffee (or tea) in the morning is *chef’s kiss* 

[bisexualklausmikaelson]

this thing upon me, howls like a beast [2/3] ;

a/n: here’s part 2! Click here for part 1 if you haven’t read it yet! this one’s like twice as long but alas, I could not help it. I took a month to write it for a reason lolz. enjoy!

―

Klaus arrives at their home at exactly 6:45am.

Hayley grinds her teeth together, lets the sound cause her nausea before she breathes in deeply through her nose, and out her mouth. She squints her eyes and tries very hard not to throw him across the room.

“What are you doing here?” she hisses, only slightly opening the door and she’s full on bedhead, unbuttoned pyjama top, that tousled look―

God, Klaus thinks, she’s so beautiful.

“I’m taking Hope to school,” he says, with confidence.

“Who in the world told you to do that?” she asks, while rolling her eyes.

He sighs and looks around the room. It’s quiet, peaceful even. He recognizes Elijah’s ridiculously tall bookshelves that are almost touching the ceiling, Hope’s toys lying on the floor, the smell of cinnamon radiating off of Hayley’s hair.

It all felt like…home.

“I want to help out,” Klaus announces. “I overheard you and Elijah the other day, discussing on getting a babysitter since you both work and you two need someone at home to look after Hope, perhaps I could be of assistance, I―” He stops, looks at again, and notices how she’s getting annoyed with him already. He chuckles humorlessly. Hayley Marshall never was a morning person.

“Okay,” her tone is harsh and intimidating. “Enough yammering,” she orders.

“Does that mean I can help?” he immediately assumes.

She slowly raises her head to meet his gaze. Hayley takes in a sharp breath and blows her hair out of her face when she releases it. She can’t believe she has to explain this to him. Again.

“Why do you want to do this?” his eyes grow a little wide at her question. “Because you feel bad? Look I told you, you have no reason to feel guilty. I chose not to involve you, it’s not like you knew about her,” she whispers, making sure that no one hears.

Still, he is as stubborn as ever. Klaus decides he’ll use the softest tone he’s ever mastered. Because, surely, he had grown kinder over these passed few years.

“I just want to be there for her,” he admits, without hesitation. “That’s all,” he shrugs.

She studied his features and attempts to detect any sense of malice or dishonesty. But, she sees nothing. She wants to hate him for it. She can’t even remember the last time she saw him looking so pathetic.

(Oh wait she does, he looked at her in the very same way on her wedding night).

“Fine,” she finally gives in. “You can drop her off at school, but that’s it. I still want to find a real babysitter,” Hayley voices, in a rather serious tone.

He nods before he leaves with a satisfied look on his face.

―

Hope Marshall is truly the smartest little girl Klaus has ever had the pleasure of meeting.

He adjusts the car mirror and spies her looking out the window and waving goodbye to her mother. She’s always in these boyish clothes, blue jean overalls and a loose tee and never forgets her favorite sneakers that light up. Klaus knows that Hope prefers her monster trucks over her Barbie dolls. Knows that she’s afraid of the blow up things in front of gas stations, knows that she doesn’t like the smell of coffee. But loves the scent of a nice cup of licorice tea.

He knows because that’s his favorite tea. He chuckles, figuring that at least she got something from him.

“You know,” Hope says while he drives. “All these random visits you’re making are starting to get pretty suspicious,” she slowly comes to that conclusion, sitting on the edge of her seat, wondering what he’s going to say.

“What random visits?” Klaus quips.

“Well first,” she speaks softly, with a finger on her chin. “There was that time you came by during dinner, then when you claimed you ‘forgot’ your coat, and now you’re dropping me off at school!” Hope exclaims.

He laughs again, unable to meet her wit.

“I assure you, sweetheart,” he sings. “That those are all just coincidences,” Klaus attempts to convince her by sounding casual. But the slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips and glimmer in his eyes gives him away.

“You expect me to believe that?” Hope questions.

He leans back in his chair, smirking. “What’s your theory?” Klaus wonders.

“You like my mom,” she tells him, with a large grin. “It’s pretty obvious,” Hope mindlessly mumbles, catching him off-guard.

He gazes onto the on-coming traffic, exhales loudly when he realizes that this was going to be a long ride. Although, he does look forward to spending quality time with Hope. And that thought alone allows a smile to creep back on to his face.

“You’re strangely well-adjusted to that idea, aren’t you?” he smugly tells her, reminding her that her mother is married, to his brother no less.

“What can I say?” Hope shrugs instead. “I’m an adaptable child,” she whispers.

He throws his head back in laughter.

“That you are, little one,” Klaus agrees.

He turns on the radio while he reverts his focus back on her, and how she just simply goes back to staring out the window. He wonders what’s going on in that little head of hers.

―

Hayley washes the dishes,

―and every other inch of their house.

She needs distractions, and cleaning is as good of a distraction as anything else.

You see, her life had become so ordinary, filled with such mundane activities. She’s got her husband her kid, her job at the local bank. She comes home from her nine-to-five, cooks and cleans, helps Hope with her homework, tucks her in, sleeps next to Elijah―

It’s all so very…boring.

(But, this is what she wanted, isn’t it?)

―

Klaus comes by almost every morning to get Hope.

And each time, she’s more and more eager. Hayley doesn’t know what kind of sugary drinks or sweets Klaus is feeding to get her so riled up whenever she sees him. But, whatever it is, it sure is working. Deep down though, she’s probably aware that her daughter is just as attached to him as she thought she’d be.

When she sees Hope with her father, her heart does that weird tumble. And it’s loud…louder than its ever been quite honestly.

―

She needs a break from it all. From all the normalcy that is her life.

So, she goes to a bar. There’s dancing and music and sweaty college kids behaving like animals all around her. And she looks back to see a couple sharing a smoke in the corner, and she remembers for a brief moment, that once upon a time, that was her.

Careless and young and so fucking in love.

“So this is where you’re hiding,” a voice sneaks up behind her, and she’s not surprised to see Klaus Mikaelson, of all people, offering her a glass of cold water.

“I’m not hiding,” she begins, sounding already drunk enough to pass out. “I’m getting a drink, flirting with…what’s your name again?” she points to the bartender, looking rather confused.

He rolls his eyes as he cleans a glass. “Marcel,” he reminds her.

“Oh right!” she exclaims, taking another big sip of her beer.

Klaus sees the bartender making eyes at her. He’s never been one to tolerate anyone hitting on Hayley. Even after all this time, the mere fact that another man was even looking at her still managed to get under his skin.

Call him possessive, if you must. Either way, someone should really consider naming a pathological condition after him.

“Hands off mate,” Klaus orders Marcel. “She’s married,” he sings, pointing to the big fat diamond on her ring finger.

“Do you have to ruin my fun?” Hayley sighs. “I wasn’t gunna sleep with him,” she specifies, and her head unintentionally (intentionally?) falls on his shoulder.

He can tell she’s doing pretty bad, other wise, she wouldn’t dare let her guard down around him. “You’re wasted,” he says. “What’s wrong? Is marriage not all it’s cracked up to be?” Klaus wonders.

Her jaw tightens slightly before she answers him.

“You’ll be happy to know that my life is pretty dull right now,” she mumbles softly, nuzzling her head into the fabric of his sweater. It smelled so…familiar. Of smoke and strawberries and the boy she used to love.

“After all that commotion at your wedding, you’re still…unhappy?” He asks, sounding like a total pest.

She doesn’t need to be reminded that her life is a string of unfortunate events, leading up to absolute nothingness.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been happy, to be honest,” she admits.

He centers his gaze on her eyes, the way she looks up at him is almost too reminiscent of before.

“C’mon now, that’s not true,” Klaus attempts to console her. “I’ve seen the way you smile at your daughter, you don’t call that happiness?” he mentions.

“And look at where I am now,” she meets his match, frowning. “I’m a shit mom,” she realizes.

It takes every ounce of self control in him to stop himself from kissing her. To stop himself from holding her in his chest and telling her that everything’s gunna be okay. “Now, I don’t know much about parenting love, but I do know that you’ve raised Hope to be a smart, strong, and independent little girl,” he says instead. “And last I checked, ‘shit moms’ don’t do that,” he offers, with a small laugh.

And she wants to tell him that she’s relieved to hear that from him. That his opinion matters to her the most because he’s turning out to be a not-so-shit dad. That’s more than she’s ever wanted from him.

“Marcel, another round of shots?” Hayley orders, while avoiding Klaus’ gaze.

(Maybe she’ll tell him those things some other time).

―

She falls asleep in his couch, listening to old music and the sound of pouring rain.

He’s always going to be there. Whether she wants him, whether she doesn’t want him. He’s always going to protect her. And she was going to have to accept that, at some point in her life. Otherwise, he’d just keep coming back to her, right when she needs him most.

(It’s not really a secret or anything, but she’s going to keep this thought to herself; she likes having him around).

―

And she wakes up to the smell of pancakes, of chocolate chip muffins, of coffee and cigarettes.

“Breakfast?” he tells her, like it’s the most obvious thing.

She shakes his blanket off of her and joins him in the kitchen. “Since when do you cook?” Hayley questions.

“I took lessons a few years ago,” Klaus informs her. “I figured if I’d be living on my own, I might as well learn how to feed myself,” he smiles.

It hits her right then and there, that this is the first time he’s ever cooked anything for her. Back when they were together, their breakfasts consisted of beer and weed. And now, here he is, a chef in the making.

“You’ve changed a lot, since before,” she mentions.

“My dear,” he calls her, like she’s his. “We must all grow up someday,” Klaus says, serving her some pancakes.

Hayley takes her time to observe his environment. His bachelor’s pad is a total mancave. With clothes hanging over chairs, and scribbled phone numbers from random girls on his fridge, she guesses that some things remain the same.

“I’m sorry,” she suddenly confesses. “For not telling you about Hope, I never apologized for doing that to you,” Hayley goes on to say.

“It’s alright sweetheart,” he assures her. “After all, I was a different man back then,” he honestly says.

“I just didn’t think this could ever be us, you know? I mean, you in the kitchen, making breakfast? Us having a peaceful meal together? This feels like a joke,” her hands are unsteady as she speaks, shaking uncontrollably while she struggles to rationalize their current situation.

“I know,” he finally breaks the silence. “We weren’t good for each other before, but now―”

“Klaus,” she cuts him off. “No, it’s too late for that now,” she says, after taking exactly seven breaths before rejecting him, once again.

He doesn’t back down though, not after he’s come so far.

“Just hear me out,” Klaus stammers. “If five, ten, even twenty years from now, if you decide you want to try things again,” he stops when he notices a small tear rolling down one side of her face.

She might not be as brilliant with words as he is, but this was her life. And, as charming as he is, she wasn’t going to let anyone else control it.

“Do you know how ridiculous you sound?” Hayley exclaims. “I’m married, to your brother no less,” she reminds him.

“But you’re not happy,” he points out. “And maybe I can’t be half as noble as ‘Lijah but I’ll be damned if I went down without a fight,” his tone is strong and resilient. He’s been waiting long enough, silently and from a distance.

This time, he thinks, he’s going to win her back. Even if he has to come out of it covered in claw marks. She’s going to be his.

“Thank you for the offer,” she says before leaving.

And she vows that this is the last time she’d allow him to get so close to her heart.

―

[kxlebcross]

[ even numbers for the weird asks, pleaseeee ]

me: has to google what are even numbers lol

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? lollipops, cuz after that i can munch on the lil lollipop stick too which keeps me busy lol

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? i know it totally doesn’t look like that but i used to be the class’ smart kid who participated in all kind of competitons and shit like that, was in the school choir, went to music school... so yeah, i was pretty much your average nerd, but then i grew up stewpid haha

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? a weird mix of tomboy and grunge, depending on the day and actual mood, weather and whatever the hell i got clean lol

8. movies or tv shows? movies - i usually lose interest in every series after like... 2-3 episodes? i only finished like 3-4 deries in my whole life so i guess the number speaks for itself

10. game you were best at in p.e.? i used to be pretty good at volleyball back then, though i was always considered too short to be on the school team haha 

12. name of your favorite playlist? am 4:44 with a little moon emoji, made by yours truly (aka me)

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? i don’t really eat sweets... but when i do i go for sour jellies but idk if that counts as candy haha

16. most comfortable position to sit in? have you ever saw one of those “bisexuals can’t sit normally” memes? pretty much all of those, i always sit in random poses until my back gives in, i don’t have a favorite position tho

18. ideal weather? the summer night’s warm weather with a little breeze, maybe with some clouds... but i usually enjoy rains and thunderstorms too unless i have to go out because then i’m like bruh

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? depends on what i have to write - for school notes i usually use a notebook and/or my laptop; for stories - my laptop or my phone’s notes if the inspiration gets me outside; everything else i’ll just write on random scraps of paper or in random notebooks just to never find them again haha

22. role model? i don’t really.... have one? i rather have a motto to live by but i don’t really look up to anyone tbh

24. favorite crystal? don’t have one, i dunno shit about crystals lol

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? go out for a nice walk or some drink with my friends, walk my cat outside or just chill on my balcony with a boo while terrorizing my neighbors with a randomly chosen edm playlist

28. five songs to describe you? human by sevdaliza badmind by kuzi scar by foxes throat full of glass by combichrist 5:3666 by machine gun kelly

30. places that you find sacred? uhhh..... i can’t really think of any that would fit here? but i never really step in weird plant formations in forests and shit like that, cuz better be safe than sorry

32. top five favorite vines? i literally only have one favorite vine and it’s the two guys chillin in a hot tub, thats it

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? every seasonal whiskas one because of the baby cats.... but other than that i haven’t seen an ad in ages, i don’t have tv and use adblock on pc haha

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? i...c an’t remember, it was probably one of the rage comics or trollface comics? can’t really recall tbh it was ages ago

38. lemonade or tea? lemonade, with lots of ice cubes and mint, give it to me pls

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? well in elementary some guy from the older classes took a sh*t then went to one of the classrooms to wipe his ass with the curtains there lol also some other time someone pissed out of the window on the first floor  in high school someone gassed the whole school with pepper spray, but like an insane amount, and everyone went immediately panic mode, police and firemen were called, the whole school evacuated..... and the one responsible for that had to pay like an insane amount of money for the police/fire dept. action haha

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants pockets, i don’t trust jacket pockets cuz they usually dont have a lil zipper to close them up and i’d totally lose my phone if i put it there, im stewpid like that

44. favorite scent for soap? orange-vanilla or some other citrus-y scent

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? anything oversized will do with some pants/underwear

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? probably a grapefruit, fucking bitter about everything lmao

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? once i laughed at a plastic bag being dragged around by the wind for like 10 minutes while being fucked up drunk... does that count?

52. favorite font? hands down times new roman

54. what did you learn from your first job? that the customer isn’t always right and that apparently i had a knack for putting down tiles

56. favorite tradition? does halloween count? i love halloween

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i’m a really good driver.... and i think that’s it? i really can’t come up with anything else... does being loud and obnoxious sometimes count? and i think i’m good enough with people too... and i think i’m a good listener? idk, i’m pretty useless tbh

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? give me the good old horror and make me the obnoxious side character who rarely ever speaks cuz no one ever asks them anything, that would pretty much resemble my actual life

62. seven characters you relate to? bojack horseman, sal paradise, loki from mcu, wednesday addams, oba yozo from no longer human, richie tozier, holden caulfield

64. favorite website from your childhood? club penguin! i wasted sooooo much time on there, sheesh....

66. favorite flower(s)? i really like succulents and ferns! and cactuses... or anything that’s low maintenance tbh

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? licorice... and also cucumber lemonade, gross

70. left or right handed? right

72. worst subject? i’m really bad with history and physics, i’m just way too dumb for those

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? around 9-10, i’m pretty much used to all my chronic pains and tbh i don’t like taking pain meds cuz i always have to take double because once i was misdiagnosed and spent almost a year on painkillers so barely anything works for me now... thanks public healthcare

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? fries... i’d love some now, i’m actually hungry 

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? coffee from gas station, now pretty much all of them have decent coffee machines and the prices are okay too and i definitely trust them more than any boxed sushi ever

80. earth tones or jewel tones? jewel

82. pc or console? i grew up as a pc kid and tbh never had the money for a console so i just got stuck with it haha

84. podcasts or talk radio? if i necessarily have to choose then podcasts

86. cookies or cupcakes? both as long as its witch choccie

88. your greatest wish? let’s be realistic - i’d like to have my own place and little car and cats and i’d be all good

90. luckiest mistake? drunk kissing this one guy from my esports team after telling him i was a lesbian and he told me he had a girlfriend, it was stewpid tho, lets not get back to it

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? sunlight and fairy lights, the latter necessarily in blue, it’s just neat and doesn’t bring in all the mosquitos at summer when i leave the window open

94. favorite season? spring

96. desktop background? some assassin’s creed logo fanart i’ve found on alphacoders

98. favorite historical era? i.... really...... hate....... history...... blame it on my middle school teacher who made me hate it lol

[builder051]

Flu Hits the Deangeles-Carson Household, part 3 (OC sickfic)

contains vomiting

Colby rests his forehead in his palm and stares down at the text swimming on the page in front of him.  He knows he isn’t taking in a word of the play, but there’s a quiz promised in tomorrow’s literature class, so he presses on with his distracted scan of Aristophanes’s The Birds.

Normally Colby enjoys perusing the ancient Greek stories on this semester’s curriculum, slowly mouthing each word to get full experience of the sound and cadence of the dialogue in addition to the meaning.  But today, the whole thing is more of a burden.  He’s got a decent throb going behind his forehead, and the headache is leaching down into his sinuses.  It’s rife time for fall allergies, but with Mike and Jason both sick in the past week, he’s wary that maybe he’s starting to catch the bug as well.

Colby pushes his wooden chair back away from the kitchen table and starts for the bright orange enameled tea kettle that perpetually sits on the gas stove.  He fills it with water and clicks on a burner, then leans against the counter to wait for it to boil.  Colby feels the hair on his arms stand on end under his flannel shirt as a wave of frigid shivers spread up and down his body.  He hovers his hands a few inches from the hissing kettle to warm them, but immediately has to draw one back to catch a drip on the end of his nose.  He’ll never be able to tell with accuracy, but he’s beginning to have a sneaking suspicion that he’s running a fever.

Colby hasn’t been sick in over two years.  Sure, there have been a couple odd allergy attacks and hangovers, but he can’t remember actually being ill since starting college.  Fresh air and healthy food are meant to prevent stuff like this.  He supposes the writing’s been on the wall what with Mike and Jason being literal germ incubators, but that doesn’t stop the feeling from sucking.

The kettle begins to emit a shrill hiss as a cloud of warm vapor rises from the spout.  Colby hurriedly turns off the burner, ignoring the throb in his temple that’s beginning to morph into a stab.  He finds the nearest clean-looking mug beside the sink and fills it with boiling water, then shuffles to the pantry to try to find a suitable flavor of tea.  Colby peruses the row of TraditionalMedicinals boxes and decides on Throat Coat.  It’s mostly Echinacea, and he feels like the snot he’s currently dripping is going to mean a sore throat is in his future.

After plunking the tea bag into his mug, Colby returns to his seat at the kitchen table.  He draws the chair so close that his chest presses against the edge of the scuffed tabletop.  He lets his head droop to the side, and he jams the heel of his hand into his eyebrow.  Colby glances down at the pages of his textbook and attempts to find where he left off.  Nothing on this page looks familiar. Nor does anything on the previous page.  He relinquishes his mug and flips all the way back to the beginning of the play, set on absorbing the story.

Colby scans the text’s first few lines and holds his steaming tea under his nose, which lets loose a liquefied drip again.  There’s a crumpled paper napkin on the table, probably left over from breakfast, and Colby snatches it up to use as a makeshift tissue.  It quickly dampens, but his nose is no less stuffed by the time he drops it back on the wooden surface beside his book.

Round two of reading The Birds isn’t much more successful than the first.  Colby’s still struggling to hold the lines in his head as he whispers them to himself.  He’d expected the tea to help him relax and refocus, but it’s actually doing the opposite.  The normally neutrally sweet licorice flavor tastes revolting on Colby’s mucous-coated tongue.  The herbs are supposed to help alleviate illness, but it feels like they’re currently adding to it.  Each sip seems to be ratcheting up his headache and fighting his gag reflex on its way down.  He keeps nursing the beverage, though, because fucking Jesus, this is not supposed to be this hard.

Colby considers giving up and just crawling into bed.  It’s getting clearer by the second that he’s not well.  But he’s got stuff to do, homework to finish.  And he’s still in that weird guest phase of being the newest and not-completely-welcome roommate.  It seems somehow rude to commandeer a bedroom that’s still decidedly Jason’s and not yet theirs.  So he continues to ride autopilot, trailing one finger down the page of his book as he skims and lifting his mug robotically to his lips.

When Colby swallows the now-lukewarm tea, it feels like a sheet of cold metal has been inserted between his face and his skull.  The headache rocks his sinuses and brings his head down to the surface of his textbook.  Colby interlaces his fingers over the back of his neck and fights the urge to gag.  The pain behind his forehead morphs into nausea that bobs around his jaw and throat.

The front door to the apartment scrapes open.  Jason’s heavy footsteps traipse across the tile floor into the kitchen, and vibrations reverberate into Colby’s upper body as he pulls out a chair and dumps his backpack into it.

“What’s up?  You ok?” Jason asks.

Colby fully intends to reply that he’s fine, but as soon as he lifts his head an inch, he looses a quiet belch that brings a torrent of tea back up his throat.  His long legs tangle with the chair, and he sends it rocking onto two feet as he stumbles to the kitchen sink.

“What the fuck?” Jason murmurs in a soft display of shock coupled with concern and disgust.

Colby grips the edges of the stainless steel basin and lets the tea flow out of him in two long heaves.  He breaks out coughing and sputters on a glob of mucous that it takes several tries to spit out.

“I’m fine,” Colby croaks before Jason has the chance to ask again.

“Yeah right,” Jason replies.  He drops a hand soothingly onto Colby’s back and lightly swipes side to side.  “I was gonna ask if you overdosed on some herbal shit or stole Mike’s ipecac or something,” he starts to joke, “But you’re really burning up.”

“No, I’m good,” Colby continues to downplay.  “I just drank my tea too fast.”  He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.

“Hey, don’t do that, that’s gross.”  Jason grabs the dish towel from its hook and throws at him.

Colby takes the wadded up fabric and presses it to his lower face as he rides another wave of nausea he’s dead-set on suppressing.  After a moment of hard swallows and deep breaths through the shield of terry cloth, Colby whispers, “I’m ok.”  It’s as much a reassurance to himself as it is to Jason.

“I hate to break it to you, but if you’re gonna be part of this family, germ-sharing kind of comes with the territory.”

“Some comfort,” Colby croaks.  But he smiles a little.

“Do you want to go lie down?  You look exhausted,” Jason says.

“I have homework to finish…”

“Is it for that Greek lit class?”

“Yeah.”  Colby scrubs his hand over his eyes.  “I think I have a quiz tomorrow.”

“Dionysus, sex, death, tragedy, the gods.  There’re your answers.  No need to study,” Jason says with a sideways smile.  “Come on.  Go to bed.”

“Yeah, alright,” Colby begrudges.  The longer he stands there, the worse he feels.  “But if I fail, it’s all your fault.”

“And I’m assuming you’re going to punish me for it?”

“As soon as it stops feeling like my head’s going to fall off, you’d better believe it.”

[exileoblivion]

all of them for you too buddy

alrighty, here goes!!1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? I try to make it equal, but I always end up with more milk than cereal

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? For the most part, yes. Unless I’m not feeling well or whatever

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Whatever’s close at hand that’s flat and small, lol

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? My coffee has to have a LOT of creamer and/or sugar. My tea depends; for the most part, it HAS to have at least a little bit of sugar, but there’s some that I don’t mind not having sugar in, just depends

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? YES.

6: do you keep plants? No

7: do you name your plants?No

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Either writing or drawing

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yup!

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Mainly my sides, but I’ll lay on my back when I’m sick or hurt

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? …oh god…my one friend and I have one that deals with DMMD, and I am SO not talking about that here pppfffttttttt

12: what’s your favorite planet? I don’t really have one

13: what’s something that made you smile today? I WATCHED THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE, AND IT WAS SO DAMN CUTE ALSDKFJELAKJSDF

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Dorky AF. Probably a lot of purple/shades of purple for the colors

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Space smells like burnt meat and metal, or something like that? I remember hearing that a while back

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? Chicken alfredo, or Mushroom Ravioli alskdjfalskjdf

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I REEEALLLLYYYYYY want to dye the right side of my hair pastel pink

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. that same inside joke about DMMD omfg alskdjf

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? a writing journal? No. I do have a TON of sketchbooks though, which have random doodles in them.

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Blue. BRIGHT blue. I’ve also lately REALLLYYYY been loving shades of brown that almost look red. 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I recently bought a Castiel bag from Hot Topic, and while it’s not old, it has gone on a few adventures through the woods with me, and went with me to my last job quite a lot. I’m going to be using it a TON when I get my fursuit partial in 2018.

22: are you a morning person? Depends on if I get enough sleep, and wake up in a good mood

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Laying in “bed” curled up in a few blankets with snacks and watch youtube vids

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? In the past, yeah. I haven’t had someone I could trust that much in a looonnnggggg time though

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? Technically it wasn’t breaking in to, but I went to explore my old abandoned house and it was SO cool, omfg. 

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Lately it’s either my red converse or my gray winter boots

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? Man, I haven’t chewed gum in YEARS…I dunno?

28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i can’t think of an answer to this one

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? OF COURSE

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I love them in the winter! I love the ones with patterns, or things on them. The plain colored ones are so boring, tbh. I loooveeee the ones that go up to my knees, or the super fuzzy ones. I also super love slippers asldkfj 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. I can’t stop thinking about that damn DMMD joke between my one friend and I alskdjfalkds that happened WELL after 3am when we were both super tired to the point of delirium, and it’s just so funny alskjf

33: what’s your fave pastry? It’s a tie between pie and cinnamon buns/rolls

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? I had this plush cat that my one grandma gave me for christmas like…a year or so before she died? I named her Jellybean, and I took her EVERYWHERE with me. I should still have her…at least I did when we moved here when I was like 15…but I haven’t checked…she could be ruined for all I know ughhhhhhh

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Yeah! I use stuff like that on rare occasions.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? STARSET!!!!!

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I don’t have a room, and have way too much stuff in all different areas to keep anything organized. I HATE it :”D

38: tell us about your pet peeves! I CAN NOT FUCKING STAND THE SOUNDS OF PEOPLE EATING. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT IT IS, I CAN ALWAYS HEAR PEOPLE EATING. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT ALSKDJFALSKDJFLAKSJDFUUGHHHHHHHHHHHH. No, but seriously. I can NOT be around people that are eating. I HAVE to have headphones in. Like, no offense…I have sensitive hearing, and chewing ((honestly, any kind of mouth noise other than talking)) noises make me gag and spiral into a HUGE anxiety attack and it’s so bad alsdkjfalskdjf 

39: what color do you wear the most? Black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? Okay, so since I keep mentioning DMMD; I got an Industrial piercing in my left ear just like Noiz. It was the last piercing I got, and my first one from a PROPER piercer. The whole experience was awesome, and I loved it. It was back when our group was still 4 people, and we made a day of it. The piercer was SUPER nice, talked me through everything he was doing, being calm and reassuring, and just super sweet in general? Afterwards, he gave me a box of apple juice to help with my blood sugar, and I loved that idea so much, that to this day after I get tattoos or piercings, I always make sure to have apple juice as a tradition. I got my last piercing because 1.) I thought it looked HELLA cool, 2.) I reallllyyyyyy wanna cosplay Noiz, and 3.) Noiz’s character has a TON of meaning and stuff with me. Up next I’m gonna start stretching my lobes like him. Maybe it’ll be soon! 

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder cases

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Sadly, no. If I did, it’d probably be a Starbucks or a Crazy Mocha

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Like, actually laid out with a blanket and watched them for a long period of time? When I was a little kid with my brothers, watching a meteor shower

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? n-e-v-e-r~

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? sometimes

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of  for the life of me, I can’t think of any at the moment alskdjfalskdjfleakjsef

.47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? BLACK LICORICE

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? I think it may have been the dark…? And I mean…I do suffer from sleep paralysis…so…sometimes, kinda…..bllleeecchhhhhh

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? YES! The last two that I bought myself was  Gorillaz’s Demon Days and Plastic Beach 

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? Do stuffed plushes/animals count…? Cuz…ya boi has a bad addiction with buying stuffed things

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? The only ones that I can think of are all sad/depressing/triggering…

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? What in tarnation dog…I don’t get the whole babadook being a gay icon one, but it is funny af for some reason??? distracted boyfriend….is the “BITCH I WON’T HESITATE’ considered a meme at this point, cuz I LOVE that one even if it isn’t

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I will NEVER watch or listen to that shit, get it out of here. Not yet, but maybe someday. HATE IT. Never seen it.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? IRL…? no clue lmao

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? God…I have no clue….probably like, raise my voice…?

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? …I really need to start paying attention to people more…I can’t think of anything…

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? Unpopular opinion…I hate that song. 

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I don’t have enough friends to apply this to anyone oops

59: what’s your favorite myth? I don’t have a favorite myth, but can we talk about conspiracy theories and stuff like that???? cuz, holy hell…my eyes are finally open to them and some of them are GLORIOUS

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? Poetry’s okay, I don’t have any faves

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? Probably like everything I ever give people. I can’t think of any

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? If I have apple juice, I WILL DRINK THAT EVERY MORNING ALSKFJLSKEJF

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I kinda just leave them be. As long as they don’t get ruined

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? It looks black?

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? convention friends. I also used to have a lot of online friends who have all pretty much disappeared that I miss terribly…

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? It’d be made of golden flowers. because reasons.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? ALIVE alskdfjaslkdfj

68: what’s winter like where you live? It’s all over the freaking place. Sometimes it’s super cold, snowy, windy….other time’s it’s kinda cold, no snow, we’ve had a few where it’s practically spring weather?!???!?!?! 

69: what are your favorite board games? I love CAH, and other kinds of adult humored games like those alskdfj

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Not an Ouija board, but I have used a pendulum thingy with a sheet of paper that almost represented an Ouija board

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? I love ALL kinds of tea. I have so many faves, I can’t pick just one alskdjfalskdfj

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? Sorta, yeah

73: what are some of your worst habits? Whew boy, just about everything I do anymore is bad lmao

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. um…they’re…human?

75: tell us about your pets! I don’t have any

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? sleeping lmao

77: pink or yellow lemonade? yellow

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? HATECLUB

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? no one’s done anything cute for me in years thx

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? The area that I sleep in has white walls. It’s the color that was here when we moved in.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. …it just occurred to me…that I have no idea what color eyes my friends have…WELP

82: are/were you good in school? Nope lmao

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? I think the art for Plastic Beach is pretty neat

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? YES!!!! I have my Bill Cipher one all drawn up, just need to get it done. And then, I’m thinking of getting the seal of Metatron from the SH series done on my other rib, and then….I have SOOOOOOoooooOOoOOOoOoO many more ideas for tattoos, it’s ridiculous, lmao.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I don’t read comics, but I do read manga lol. I LOVE Deadman Wonderland, I just got the complete series of MARS which was the first manga series I ever read through, Alice 19th is SO GOOD, of course my unhealthy love for Killing Stalking, Blood Bank…um…I can’t think of anymore atm

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? I honestly don’t know what that means….? But, it’s possible…?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Nightmare Before Christmas, Inception, Shutter, the original Halloween movies, Guardians of the Galaxy, The Lost Boys, Queen of the Damned, Ironman 3

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Not really

89: are you close to your parents? nope

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Okay, so…I’ve only ever been to D.C. once so far, but it’s REALLY beautiful alskdfj I can’t wait for next Otakon, and hopefully be able to explore it more. There’s such a surreal charm to it. You can reallllllyyyyy feel the history everywhere you go there. Just. Damn. 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? I WANT TO VISIT CENTRALIA SO GOD DAMN BADLY WHILE I’M STILL THE SAME AGE AS JAMES SUNDERLAND, AND I’M RUNNING OUT OF TIMEASLDKJFALSKEJFLAKSJFLKJ

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? no cheese plz

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? messy buns or ponytails

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?…one of my brothers…???

95: what are your plans for this weekend? celebrate Thanksgiving, make a dessert for our dartball tournament…hope to hell I don’t get dragged to it…and hopefully write or play games. Maybe also clean too….

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I tend to let them go for awhile before updating

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INFP, Aquarius, Slytherin

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? too long!!! and, I think so?

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Hiro no Tsuki/Melfina’s song, Is there Somewhere and Control by Halsey, just about the whole Undertale soundtrack, the sountracks to both Portal 1, and 2, ESPECIALLY Exile Vilify by The National, All of Me by John Legend,JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING BY STARSET, I know there’s a ton….but those are all of the ones I can think of at the moment

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the future. 5 years ago was TERRIBLE, and I never want to relive it again.

[sweetcron]

11-97

hhelllll yEAHHHHH HERE WE GO BABIE!!!!!!! THANKS FOR THE ASK!!!

i probably went too hard on all these but....one of my summer classes just finished and i was like yeahahhHhhahah

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

totally depends where i am and how much time i have, but typically ill have yogurt & something small but sweet so i dont go insane

12. name of your favorite playlist?

god right now my favorite is handle without care, which is just stupid songs im into right now

13. lanyard or key ring?

lanyard, except i always get it caught on shit so typically i just throw my keys in my bag anyway

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

oooo hard one, my initial thought was sour gummy worms, but probably... either that or sour skittles. oh but fuck lemon & black licorice jelly beans together......im excited to have 0 followers & 0 friends tomorrow

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

percy jackson was dope. im trying to come up with another that i even read and frankly cannot

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

honestly i just sit like a fool all the time, but i like to be very reclined and almost horizontal, if im forced to sit more upright i like crosslegged or with my leg(s) pulled up to my chest

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

depends on the season or length of time, recently it’s been my black high top vans, usually it’s my docs. for a long time it was black converse.

18. ideal weather?

i like when it’s a little sunny, kind of overcast, but a little cold, like enough to wear layers but not suffer

19. sleeping position?

on my side, curled up, ideally holding pam(ela indestructable underworld), my adorable stuffed sloth

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

depends on what it is, but I have a planner sort of thing i really like for planning, a sketchbook/painting sort of notebook for more emotional shit and then my twitter that nobody follows and is private for really emotional shit

21. obsession from childhood?

i loved making like..dirt, water, and grass mixtures in an empty gatorade bottle. apparently this is not a common experience.

22. role model?

everyone to an extent, but also nobody. but to pin down a specific person, probably my therapist lol

23. strange habits?

i keep listening to shiny from moana? also i keep wanting to change my hair.

24. favorite crystal?

oh god, i love opal, but i dont know. most are pretty but some are awful. it depends, and id have to look at a million pictures for any resemblance of a legitimate answer

25. first song you remember hearing?

that’s so hard um. i dont remember very early but i do remember hearing crush, crush, crush by paramore and thinking ew crushes are gross even though i had a crush on a dumbass at the time, and welcome to the black parade and crying

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

warm, probably a concert but past that, walking around, going to thrift stores or record shops. 

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

a concert, again but past that going home, or getting a warm drink

28. five songs to describe you?

oh LORD!!!!! this is hard, but i did my best

1. caught in the middle - paramore

2. grow - muna

3. cool for cats - squeeze

4. cut my lip - twenty one pilots

5. tubthumping - chumbawumba

29. best way to bond with you?

share music with me, be vulnerable and share what is going on with you

30. places that you find sacred?

being in trees and being alone listening to music that means a lot to me loudly

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

i have a mustardy yellow shirt that’s got vertical lines that are raised from the shirt, and then a flared leg jumpsuit sort of thing that’s like plaid, with black and white and grey. then docs, and yeah i love that outfit. adore it. even better with a jean jacket with fleece lining.

32. top five favorite vines?

also so hard but after doing this i think im gonna throw up from laughing so hard

1. dancing puppet

2. get outta your mind

3. cat

4. WAY TO GO PAUL

5. krispy kreme

33. most used phrase in your phone?

that’s a great question, probably me asking people what to do with my hair

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

none currently, but always “meat, it’s what’s for dinner”

35. average time you fall asleep?

depends, but usually 10ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

probably some rage meme like brian or whatever

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

depends on what im doing, but usually duffel.

38. lemonade or tea?

arnold palmer babie!! but it depends, usually i’d say tea, i really like lemon ginger (especially pukka but its expensive)

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

i dont know if i’ve had lemon meringue pie, but lemon cake sounds better i think

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

i remembered this and it is entertaining, in middle school (i was...prolly 14? 13?) someone said “someone likes uuuu” to me and i was like. “......k” and they were like..... “it’s a giiiiiiirl” and i again, was like “.......k” and so literally, i fucking spent the rest of the class being like, hm! apparently i dont care. and thats how i realized that idc about gender when it comes to liking someone lol

41. last person you texted?

max, @laetan​. follow him if u dont i love him

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

women’s pant pockets are cursed. jacket pockets enlighten me, especially when there’s one normal and then one like, on top of that pocket but the entrance is horizontal. that’s my favorite.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all? but let’s rank them 

1. jean jacket, my absolute fav, i have like 5 jean jackets and it’s bad. i always want more

2. hoodie, with a jean jacket is even better, but COMFY!!!!

3. leather jacket, look like a badass with one piece of clothing!!

4. bomber jacket, dont have a lot but always make me feel cool

5. cardigan, makes me feel like an old lady, but also really comfy idk. even the worst is amazing

44. favorite scent for soap?

i love lemon, but any fruit is good. or like, vanilla

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi usually....fantasy is usually too much and superhero is usually annoying. unless it’s spiderman. i adore spiderman

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

oversized soft t shirt and like, soft shorts/boxer things

47. favorite type of cheese?

GOAT CHEESE!!! also sharp cheddar and pepperjack

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

pear. i feel like i’m not talked about a lot but people like me and nobody despises me??

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

i really like “you can start over each day” and “only skeleton bones remain” (FUCKING CLIKKIE)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i feel like ive cried laughing so hard, or almost thrown up, but i dont know why, and that’s almost better

51. current stresses?

just general body things, appointments, school in the fall, graduating, etc

52. favorite font?

it depends on what im doing, but i love my own handwriting, i like times new roman, hate arial with a PASSION!!!!! brawler is nice but doesn’t bold well. handwriting fonts are cool too

53. what is the current state of your hands?

left hand’s nails is in silver glitter and right hand’s nails are blue/purple glitter. perpetual hangnails. still a hint of a scar from cutting my hand on a razor, and remnants of blisters from rowing

54. what did you learn from your first job?

that you can be kind and see change without changing the entire world, and that men are creepy as shit

55. favorite fairy tale?

i dont think i have one? max probably has a good one that i’d love. new ask game send me ur favorite fairy tales and ill read them and review them

56. favorite tradition?

my mom makes me a half birthday cake every year, it’s really cute and idk why it warms my heart

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

fuck dude, umm this is hard and also a lot

1. my extreme self hatred!!

2. my extreme concern for other people’s thoughts, just honestly like dressing and listening to whatever and not really caring, ill always care, just not as bad as i did

3. letting go of things and trying to grow because of pain rather than viewing it as a waste of time

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

uhhhhhghaghhaghdshaghdhsaghadshg i dont know this is hard

1. finding dope ass socks at thrift stores

2. thinking creatively and trying to make something stranger than others like it

3. i can draw p well???? i guess? i designed my tattoo does that count

4. winning contests. i won like, 10 last year? like wtf

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

recently it would be life’s a sham and then ur wow, in reference to life’s a bitch and then you die and also shamwow. so that. or just constantly referring to things as bad boys, like. dishes.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

there’s different kinds? but ummmm i dont know, i dont want to google anime types. can i say like a miyazaki movie and be done with it

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

i dont know, can i do a song? bc i really like I’m alive in spite of me recently, also like this graffiti that i say that said 33 might mason men couldn’t put me back together again

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh boy, i asked my gf for help on some

1. nick miller from new girl

2. peter b. parker from into the spiderverse

3. dean mccoppin from iron giant for some reason

4. emile from ratatouille 

5. a mix of ben and leslie from parks and rec

6. a weird mix of chris and ron from parks and rec

7. rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid

63. five songs that would play in your club?

1. come down by anderson paak

2. send me on my way by rusted root

3. doses and mimosas by cherub

4. replay by iyaz

5. rap snitch knishes by mf doom

64. favorite website from your childhood?

WEBKINZ!!!!!

65. any permanent scars?

yeaaa got a lot, most prominent are on my legs, partially just stretch marks, and then the one on my forehead from when i got stitches

66. favorite flower(s)?

i love carnations, marigolds, roses, but really anything, fuck

67. good luck charms?

i don’t have any, i used to wear a bracelet my gf gave me but it broke. *insert gif of me trying to remember when it broke and if that’s when everything went to shit*

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

centipede jelly bean. worst thing ive ever had. it wouldn’t go away for a day even with eating other things and drinking water and chewing strong gum. horrible

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

i have no idea. truly

70. left or right handed?

i am right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

houndstooth, i really don’t like it for some reason

72. worst subject?

i am oh so bad at writing, it’s really hard for me. but honestly recently every subject is horrible.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

this was mentioned before, but black licorice and lemon. i’ve only had it with jelly beans, so maybe it’s not as good in other formats

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

depends on what it is, if i think a migraine is coming then i take it pretty low, maybe a 4, otherwise i can deal with it up to like a 6 or 7, unless i’m needing to focus

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i dont know when, but i do remember where. i was at a drive through bank in a rental car with my parents and brother in oregon, and i put the tooth in the lid of a plastic water bottle.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

jalepeno potato chips are soooo good but, honestly, tots are the best. mashed potatoes are good too

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

depends on the direction it’s facing and climate, but i’m growing some ivy right now and it’s so pretty and cool. also a christmas cactus that my great great great grandma or something like that started and has been passed down!!!! and a ..... leafy boy

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

absolutely coffee from a gas station, i dont trust sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

my school id because i’m smiling. i look stoned or dead in my id.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

i didn’t entirely know what this meant, so i googled both and went oooooooo to jewel tones so. jewel tones.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

i say both, i don’t know which i say more frequently because i live where there aren’t ....... lightning bugs. ore fireflies. whichever. lol

82. pc or console?

i dont game much, but i like my psp a lot, or like a joystick sort of sitchhhh

83. writing or drawing?

dRAWING FOR SURE!

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts, i don’t listen to much of either

84. barbie or polly pocket?

can i throw in a third variable of bratz?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

either, but probably mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes?

depends on the kind, but i love frosting and cupcakes are fun, so cupcakes.

87. your greatest fear?

that i will lose everyone i love or push them away? eeeee

88. your greatest wish?

to be content and hopefully other people are content alongside me

89. who would you put before everyone else?

honestly my gf, max, and steph. and my mom. yeyeeeee

90. luckiest mistake?

oh god we could go deep or not. probably not. so like, buying pamela, my stuffed sloth

91. boxes or bags?

depends on the situation, but bags are fun, can put patches on them, plastic bags are boring and boxes are useful, help organize or carry lots of things

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

sunlight absolutely, i love it. i then would say lamps are better than fairy lights which are better than overhead lights. fuck overhead lights

93. nicknames?

for me? okay lets GO. delly, delly boi, dell, d, glen, glenjamin, glenny, yenaled. there’s a lot of weird/gross ones that i dont want to share.

94. favorite season?

fall in theory, summer in stability.

95. favorite app on your phone?

wasn’t this already asked? CAUGHTCHA

96. desktop background?

switches between 3 pictures around colorado that my gf took

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

five

98. favorite historical era?

good question, i honestly don’t know. can i say the 80s or 90s? if not like, before racism existed. yeah

[toomanysurveys9]

Coffee mugs, teacups, or water bottles? Shot glasses. If I had to pick out of these three, though, probably coffee mugs. Even though I don’t drink nearly enough coffee to make buying many worth it. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Depends what it is if you mean flavoring. If you mean actual candy, bubblegum. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? Quiet, but a good student. I did extremely well in school. The only subject I really struggled with was math. Do you prefer to drink soda from cans, bottles or cups? I don’t care. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds for sure.

Movies or TV? TV shows usually. Favorite smell in the summer? Freshly mowed grass, but I’m allergic. Game you were best at in P.E./gym? I hated P.E. I wasn’t very good at any of the games that I recall. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? Cold cereal, if I even eat breakfast. Name of your favorite playlist? My songs for Wy and Ellie on Spotify. Lanyard or key ring? Lanyard, but I have a key ring. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Lately, laffy taffy. Which is weird. Favorite book you had to read for school? To Kill a Mockingbird actually. Most comfortable position to sit in? I don’t know.

Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Under armor ones. Ideal weather? Cool enough for a sweater, but not overly so. A little rain never hurts either. Pencils or pens? Pens, generally. Unless it’s something I might make a lot of mistakes on. Then I prefer pencils, of course. Obsession from childhood? I don’t know. As a child I loved books. Barbies when I was quite a bit younger. Favorite crystal? I don’t have any. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay in the A/C and read a book. Lol. Or go to the lake and go swimming. Take my kiddos to the park or the zoo. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Sleep. Movie day with the kiddos. Five songs to describe you? They’d all be sad songs right now. Best way for someone to bond with you? Oh boy. Uhh. Get drunk with me? Or play dates with our kids? Top 5 favorite Vines? I don’t have any favorite vines. I never really got into them. Ads you have stuck in your head? None currently. Average time you fall asleep? Way too late. I try to be in bed by 10:30 during the week, but it takes forever to actually fall asleep. What is the first meme you remember seeing? I don’t know. There have been so many. They all sort of blur together. Suitcase, duffel bag, or backpack? I usually use a backpack. Unless it’s a pretty long trip.. Then we all just use our giant duffel bag. Lemonade or tea? Lemonade. Tea hurts my stomach. Last person you texted? Either Jacob or Jade. Probably Jade? Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Pants, because I usually take my jacket off. Favorite type of jacket? I don’t really care for jackets. I prefer hoodies. Favorite scent for soap? I have so many I love from Bath and Body Works! My top two favorites are probably watermelon lemonade and pumpkin cupcake. I think those are their names. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? It’s a toss up between fantasy and superheroes. I love Marvel, but I also love fantasy things. What clothes do you sleep in? Depends. Sometimes I wear pajama pants and a tshirt, and other times I wear boy shorts and a tshirt. Favorite type of cheese? Depends what I am using it for. If I’m eating it by itself, Colby jack.  What saying or quote do you live by? Always keep fighting. What are you currently stressed about? Life in general. We need to get caught up on bills. Plus Christmas. Plus our Florida trip is going to be here before we know it. And that’s not even mentioning the emotional bullshit I have going on right now. Favorite font? I don’t know anymore. What did you learn from your first job? That I hated working in the food industry, with a passion. Especially fast food. Favorite fairy tale? I like the Grimm ones. Favorite tradition? I started doing Elf on a Shelf with my kids. That can be fun. Talent you’re proud of having? I don’t know. I used to be okay at singing but I stopped for so long, I don’t think I can anymore. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? "Fuck.” HA. If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? I am not really into anime so I couldn’t tell ya. Character you relate to? Sam Winchester. Favorite website from your childhood? Myspace I guess. Any scars? I have one on my right elbow from my time at McDonald’s. A shift manager pushed me into a fryer I had just pulled out. And then I got yelled at for taking too long to care for it. It was one hell of a blister. Easily a second degree burn. Favorite flower? Lilacs. Any good luck charms? Nope. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Fishy flavors for foods, or super spicy. And for drinks.. black licorice. I guess that flavor also counts for food too. Left or right handed? I am right handed. Least favorite pattern? I don’t know. Any that look too old lady-ish I guess. I know. It’s very subjective, but it’s the best answer I got. Worst subject in school? Math or chemistry.  Favorite weird flavor combo? I don’t know. When I was pregnant, I liked nacho cheese Doritos with BBQ sauce. I can’t think of any weird combos I currently like. When did you lose your first tooth? I don’t know. I was probably six years old or so. Favorite potato food? Either fried potatoes my mom makes, or mashed potatoes. Gas station coffee or grocery store sushi? I don’t eat sushi, so coffee it is. Earth tones or jewel tones? Earth for the most part. Do you call them fireflies or lightning bugs? lightening bugs. PC or console gaming? Consoles. Although I’m not much of a gamer. Writing or drawing? Writing. I can’t draw to save my life. Podcasts or talk radio? Barbie or Polly Pocket? Fairy tales or mythology? More specifically, Greek mythology.

Cookies or cupcakes? Your greatest fear? Something happening to my babies. Your greatest wish? Be the best mom I can, and for my babies to know I love them more than anything and did the best I could. Who would you put before everyone else? My kids. Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Overhead I guess. Nicknames? Marley, Marley Harley, and Lina are the most frequently used ones. Favorite season? Spring. Favorite app on your phone? Probably Tumblr or Pinterest. What is your desktop background? My kids, of course. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Three? Favorite historical era?

Like ancient Egypt or Greece.

[inexchangeforyoursoul]

Not gonna lie… I wanted to double up on this one and put the next Nami chapter in here so there’s another long one after all that hiatus. But I see it's already massive at over 4k, so I'm not disappointed in myself. :p

ps have y'all ever tried to draw Law with Cora's smile? I did, a few years back. You may have even seen it. It's pure nightmare fuel...

25. Grandma: off

"Yeah, these are vanilla flavored," she concludes after Law had her taste the ones with a yellowish hue on them, even though the smell was a dead giveaway.

"You can have those, then," he states as he's nibbling on the remains of an unflavored one.

"You dislike vanilla?" Kat asks, being somewhat surprised at the information. Like, it's a sometimes food, true… but she also won't straight-out turn it down when being offered. Nor does she know anyone who would. Well, didn't know anyone, who would.

"Nope. Once every blue moon I'll accept it, but generally? I don't like vanilla. Nor raspberries, blackcurrants…" He leans back into the chair, thinking about; "... pineapples. Licorice. Green apples and yellow tomatoes…"

"... zoes dis list 'ave an end?" she asks, munching on a vanilla flavored piece.

"... eventually," he nods, then continues in the same breath: "Artichokes, brussels sprouts… aubergines. Caviar. It's a long one."

She swallows the mouthful of crackers. Must be as long as the list of enemies she never received, except it's all villainous food. "I'm also not a fan of a few you just mentioned, but sheesh... didn't realize you were this picky." She doesn't consider herself a picky eater at all, considering how she likes most stuff others turn their noses up to, but him…? That's a lot of items. Sure, most of these would be hard to notice as they are relatively uncommon, but still. Plus there's bread. And raisins. And god knows, what else.

"Now you know. Deal with it," he states, biting into his last plain cracker.

"... you really are a princess." A princess perpetually stuck between Criminal brand and haute couture. She's… tempted to sneak a pea under the mattress.

"And her highness is about to give you new instructions, so get your shit together," he states then, getting up from his seat that's been turned towards the bed for the impromptu tea party. Kat follows him to the chest of drawers just as he motions her to get her ass over there.

"So," Law starts once having some mouth space to work with; "I guess you've already noticed these," he says, opening one of the small chestlets halfway. She nods.

"Today you will try to pop stuff inside them. Take this button, for example," he says, already putting it into her hand; "It's small enough to fit any of these; once you've managed to do that, take them out again. Without looking inside, of course. Start with the biggest one, proceed from there once you've done it without a hitch three times in a row, that is to say, the box remained intact." Having finished the briefing, he stuffs the remainders of the rice cracker into his mouth and digs out the biggest specimen from the bottom of the brick pile.

"..." The explanation was easy enough to follow, but… "I, um… wouldn't it be bad if I cut out too many pieces by accident?" There can be only so many boxes she can ruin and holes that can be made...

"Things you break that way, you can repair yourself… and I have a wee little feeling that you already know how to reassemble stuff. Boxes don't need surgical hands if you mess up, you're good to go. Godspeed," he says as he's stepping back to his chair, swatting her back while at it. He's gonna have another cup of that green tea.

"Oh… okay." Basically, if she was handed a plate broken in two… she could fix it as if it had always been under the fruit's influence, huh? Wow… it seems super logical, but she didn't think of that. Maybe because it would have been a little too convenient, considering all the stuff she can do already. A power that's all kinds of broken, indeed; and one which is, funnily enough, exceptionally good at un-breaking things.

Back to the task at hand, however… it… is kind of a relief that she has to do something else for a change, no lie. Even if it's just the next level of the same task. Well then… attagirl.

As expected and kind of feared, the operation just doesn't happen to be something within her skill range. If nothing else, the sheer challenge that the simple task poses is driving her will to crack the fucking, godforsaken, lousy code already. She's never been so pissed at random inanimate objects before. Not even the croissant from the other day.

She won't be able to pull off the freeing of the button for a while, that's for sure, but she's infuriatingly close to get to the solution of putting the button in without mass producing malformed guitar picks and miniature honeycomb statues, for all it's worth. (Could it be that her desk is actually fixed at home…? It would be nice to know.)

Law meanwhile is checking on her briefly every now and then… and has written some additional shit into this diary thing after a few occasions. For some reason, this doesn't sit all that well with her, but maybe it's just the fact that getting evaluated this way reminds her of elementary school. More specifically, the one art teacher who kept circling across the classroom like a vulture and wouldn't say anything, just write in a seemingly liberal note after the bells rang. It was a lucky dip of fours and the rare five for her; her taste clashed somewhat with hers, but since she was an overall nice and eager girl, the woman let it slide. Others weren't so... well, lucky. This teacher left fairly quickly as a number of parents complained about their otherwise excelling students getting a gracious 3, if not a barely passing 2 at the end of the first year of her work; the staff were also not exactly a fan of her, so there was little fuss. What even was her deal…?

Law waving a hand in front of her face pulls Kat back from the self-indulgent reminiscence.

"... there, now you're paying attention… It's about half past one, if you're hungry, be free to leave. Just come back within an hour or so, okay?"

"Oh, um… alright." Did she not notice him addressing her? Man, that's embarrassing… about as much as her stomach wanting attention all of a sudden and not being shy about it, either. Getting really tired, too… may have been trying too hard? A cup of coffee is in order for sure. She barely even remembers doing this for more than an hour…

The phenomenon is not foreign to her, although usually it's with something she enjoys. It always feels like waking from a nap wondering what day or year it is, except she's wide awake all along. Boy, does she hate when this happens at an inappropriate time.

Law wrinkles his brows in mild worry; she's absolutely out of it. Has been all day, to be honest. "... look, if… if you're like this because of yesterday evening, it's fine. Forget what I've just said and try to get your head clear before you come back instead, alright? You won't be able to work like this, take a walk, or whatever."

She blushes a little and starts fiddling with her thumbs; she's scattered enough for it to be beyond obvious… sheesh. "... okay."

Taking a walk seems definitely the way to go, she ponders over her lunch a few minutes later, still in some kind of trance; she's not up for doodling right now and it occurred to her that singing is a no-no. However, she also doesn't like to err around without a goal. Perhaps she could take a look at the cafe, or get more chestnuts… or… hm, there's been some stuffed animals on display, too, right? That seems to be something worth looking into. She has a stupid plan, after all.

As soon as she hops ashore a little after 2 o'clock, a familiar figure appears en route to the fair; Fugu seems to be returning with quite a lot of groceries.

"Hi," Kat waves awkwardly as they cross paths; she considered going the longer way, but… if he noticed her, too, it would have been really rude, wouldn't it. Take it like the fake man you are at the moment. And in general.

"Good day to you, too, Miss," the man greets her, slowing down a little, which she does herself; "are you going out to shop, too? Or is it just a walk?"

"A little bit of both…. I've been a dunce all day, so Law suggested I unwind somehow," she confesses while rubbing the sideburns, thinking back at the rather embarrassing convo.

He nods solemnly. "It is a good decision to step outside. Spending too much time down there can make one dull fast."

"Can't argue with that," she sighs. Not leaving her room in general is one thing, but cooking pretty much all day below deck in the dark is not something she could get used to on the long run. Travelling on that tin can must suck really bad… honestly, Law should have also come out. How many times has he left that thing since they've been like this? Up to five times? Next time, she's dragging him with her. Seriously, how the hell has he been surviving this in her body?! Anyway… "That sure is a lot of stuff you have, though… don't you need help with that?"

The man cracks a smile, thinking back to some past shopping adventures. "The others don't appreciate me taking my time… and the nagging kind of ruins the experience, you know? Speaking of which, though… I actually am running late today, so I'll be on my way. See you around, Miss, and have a good time!" With that, Fugu is already on his way at double the speed he came thus far to reach his alternate shadow that never met up with her.

"Thanks… same to you!" she waves in vain as there's noone to see the action, also picking up pace. She definitely won't want to walk out all the way to the new docks an hour away, there's nothing to see there apart from new ships and the hill with the pretty houses where rich traders and the odd noble live. The furthest parts of the fair will be about half an hour away, where a small chapel signals the end of the old district, but fast walker on longer legs than usual or not, that also would be a waste of time, to be honest… all in all, she shouldn't be out for more than fifteen or twenty minutes altogether for this. She asked for the coffee to be made for half past two, so she's got all the motivation she needs to get back in time, too.

First things first, Kat lets the nice smells seduce her and she gives into the temptation of another small bag of chestnuts even though she's not really hungry; thankfully, there's someone else there instead of the weirdo from the other day. Passing the notice board, she's surprised to see that two of the more 'famous' teens from the high-class parts have gone missing. Finds it hard to be worried a few seconds later upon noticing that they've not come home yesterday night; seeing how they are troublemakers, spending the night elsewhere wouldn't be much of a downgrade. But apparently, they've told their parents until now when they stayed out after curfew, they must be thinking of the worst, considering the news lately. That's kind of nice to know.

She skims the other stuff; apart from some job offers and wanted posters, all she can find is another notice from the police stating that the group from last Tuesday that's been taken into custody will be given over to a marine ship Saturday afternoon at 8. Kat raises a brow; while they did almost kill-slash-kidnap her and a bunch of people last week, why would they announce this detail… reading on, she comes to a halt with an 'oooh'. Alright, she can see the point now. According to their information, former fleet admiral Sengoku will be accompanying some greenhorn marines on the ship. Someone must be a fan. Regardless… she better keep low that day, maybe avoid coming outside altogether. Taking a mental note and swatting the worrisome thoughts about the port town disappearances into little clouds, she moves on. Walking deeper into the cheap stuff, she eventually does notice what she came for: a place with stuffed animals galore.

She takes a quick look around, and her eyes zero in on a really big, white teddy bear in the middle of a pile; it looks exceptionally fluffy. But, is it as soft as it looks? She steps over to it and slides a finger down its arm; yes... yes! That is absolutely the softest goddamn plushie that has ever graced her skin. Or Law's, but who the fuck cares. And it's… oh. Oh, boy. 12000 Bellys. Um… hm. Reconsidering.

As amazing it would be to shove this thing into his face as soon as she arrives… as a one-off prank and a useless gift, this really ain't worth the money. She also really ought to use the huge canvas she bought for like eight a while back, stroking it gently and contemplatively is not gonna get her anywhere. All it will do is drench the cotton in stinky human body oils.

Taking another look around, she spots a few more bears; she slides over most of them immediately, as they do not seem to fulfill her questionable standards regarding this purchase. One's too goofy, another is an unsympathetic, weirdly mixed brown color, and the third… she's not sure what kind of clothing that blinding neon vomit is supposed to be. She eventually spots another round ear hiding behind a pink doskoi panda. She pulls it out and… seems like a jackpot. At least it does look way too determined for an off-white chap with its black and white backpack that can probably fit some cash, and the black shirt. Honestly, if either would be striped instead of what they are, this would look like one really, really proud burglar bear. Well, then… nothing in this pile is over a thousand, so...

Kat approaches the ships with a sprint, knowing that she was already over 15 minutes with this little detour before even starting to browse the teddies. The slalom between the old warehouses is not something she likes because of the drunkards and thugs like those two lost whippersnappers that hang out in these abandoned parts from evening till dawn, and the odd dead body that people find about once a year, but hey… it makes things quick. She sees the mast of the Sunny peek out from beyond the roofs; already there, thank god. Running towards the shore already, she spies a lot of small… somethings around the last corner by the sea. It could be puke... but… nope. She slows down for a moment and squints; it's… sunflower seed shells. At least two average packages worth; someone must have come all the way out here to the two ships last night to sate their need, which looks like a straight-out addiction. Thinking about it, though, not only has she not seen any unsavory puddles, but the area has been really quiet in the past week or so, even if the people on the main street would cover up most of the noise anyhow… perhaps knowing that there are formidable pirates docking nearby has them worried…. or the more frequent patrols during the festival smoked them out at last? Who knows, really; she just hopes that the peace will be felt for a few more weeks. Sleeping by an open window is risky, because she cannot know when people will get too close to her quarters and break bottles or scream… but when they don't, it's the best sleep she can get apart from the very limited warm winter evenings, when she's had comfort food and a long, hot bath she reserves for the occasions. Having actual winter weather when appropriate is nice.

Kat finds it easier to crawl onto the huge ship by boarding the Tang first, since the ladder is somewhat suspended, so she takes the opportunity to have a quick look around for Law; by some kind of miracle, he actually is out here, seemingly sending some of his crew she doesn't know much to do something downstairs in this very moment. One of them has a tool box… maybe something about the engine or plumbing, then.

"What's up down there?" Kat asks walking up to him, with the hand hiding the teddy turned back. She's always found blatant hiding of presents counterproductive… having something in a hand that's not easy to recognize, while still not bulletproof, is the superior strategy by far. The mostly intact chestnut bag being noisy in the other also helps.

"Some pipe seems to be leaking in the showers," Law responds, looking at an accounting book page. If they need to weld in a chunk with a small one, there should be enough stock, but if they'll have to replace it, or even worse, it's the main line… they will have to find a shop. The funds are not looking the best at the moment, though, and he's no gonna ask Nami. Hm… what are the chances that they could scavenge some from these old warehouses…? Would be nice to have Scan available right about now. Maybe he will open a Bepo petting zoo to raise money, this once, and perhaps rope in Carrot as well...

"... is that something that happens often?" How much piping and stuff even is there in this thing? "When underwater?"

"12-18% more likely than on surface dwelling ships, pressure changes and all. Still not as bad as when the ventilation croaks eight thousand deep, trust me," he answers, putting the green marker ribbon of the three available ones on the page, then slaps it shut. "And, have you pulled yourself together?" He asks, turning his attention to her, though he's somewhat distracted by the bag.

"..." She kind of wants to hear that story. But not now. "Been a little irresponsible, as you can see," she pokes her head towards the item; "you can snack on it, if you want to. Otherwise, I've yet to drink a coffee to make sure I keep being productive, but yeah… I guess a walk was really all I needed, thanks," she says, trying to keep the smile levels in check. "By the way," aaand there goes the effort, "here."

Just like that, Law gets to see eye to eye with a stuffed bear that looks as if it was ready to fight him.

He blinks a few times, brows pulling closer together in confusion and surprise.

"Iiit's for you." The statement starts question-like, then ends sounding matter-of-fact. She… didn't really think this far. And can't read shit from that reaction.

"... for me." She just… she's actually handing him a teddy bear. The fuck.

"Mhm." She nods. "One more for the collection."

"What for?" His perplexed state leaks through his voice; he also grabs the thing so he can see her proper again; can't think of any rational explanation. Unless it's a joke, that is. Certainly sounds like it.

She shrugs. "... just because." There is no real goal to be achieved here. She just wants to drown him in embarrassingly adorable bears, preferably with as many people witnessing it as possible. And watch him struggle with the situation... this is as close as she can get without going bankrupt.

This... doesn't exactly sit well with Law. Because, if he's right about thinking that she's trying to compensate for… whatever, really… this is getting out of hand, no matter the reason. He can feel his pulse picking up pace; she's been doing it all day. The rice crackers, and tea... She doesn't seem to be lying about the chestnuts being an impulse purchase, but she just offered them, too...

"... Kat-ya... we need to talk."

Although the phrase makes her uneasy, somehow, the fact that he just used that name again shoos the other feeling to the side. "Oh... did a million years pass already?" she asks with honest wonder. Or... could it have been just 'a thousand years' the other day…? Well, same difference in this case.

He set himself up on that one, didn't he…

Seeing Law's disgruntled face, she adds: "Sorry, sorry... shoot away."

He lets out a sigh. "Look, about this…" he takes a passing look at the bear; "... aggressive attention and care stunt you're pulling... I do appreciate the sentiment, but stop. Being stalked by a surrogate grandma is not something I want, ever." Actually, let's just... "Please." He's low-key willing to get on his knees and beg if it becomes too embarrassing for him.

She's somewhat ashamed at his request and just a bit disappointed upon hearing that; "Oh... okay. Sorry."

Law reaches up and pulls at her ear gently, which is followed by the most unconvincing, little 'ow' on her side. "And stop apologizing for every little thing, sheesh. I'm just asking you to moderate yourself and take it down a notch, alright?" A whole 20 notches. She just bought him a goddamn teddy bear, for fuck's sake. One that is, in fact, sporting the same half-determined, half-smug expression he has on quite often. Be it a joke, poking fun at him or something genuine, this is too much. And it's, uh... kind of weirding him out?

He can't even remember the last time someone bought him something tacky that wasn't his crew. Or, well, the Strawhats as of a few weeks back. And he can't really tell her to fuck off because of this whole situation they are locked in. They have already passed the stage where he actually would tell her something like that, having a good idea how hard she would take it, not to mention that it would make everything exponentially worse, and he… frankly, he has no idea how to handle this situation. How do you communicate with those who are not backstabbing, murderous, thieving jackasses, or of generally questionable morals? With, you know… people?

"Okay... then, I should handle you less like a princess, and more like..." she starts after a second, stopping Law's train of thought, then stops herself as well, trying to decide on something less baby-able; children won't do, of course, nor animals, uh... "a flower!" All they need is some light and water... and the occasional fertilizer! Boom!

Law decides to push his little crisis aside for the time being, and suppresses the snort upon being compared to a 'flower.' He'll have to figure out how to act as if he had some fucks to give later. "Both of those comparisons are really weird, considering you're talking about me, you know. But… I guess. If you want to put it like that."

She flashes a big, optimistic smile, which just… doesn't quite fit his face, and never will. Still, it's as if he just gave her a treat for being a good dog. Which is, frankly, quite amusing. He can practically see her wag her nonexistent tail... Pulling her leg from time to time will be tempting. "And? Will you actually be able to keep to it?"

"Sure," she answers, then speaks up again after a few seconds, musing; "Honestly, I just want to... well, see you less morose all of the time, if that makes sense." Knowing what she does now, the memory of him silently laughing at the aquarium while she was butchering his person became a hundred times more pleasant. As is the chuckle from earlier.

… he really should have just let her leave yesterday. This has already gotten uncomfortable, not to mention that it reeks of trouble. "Seriously, Kat… if you are doing this because of what I suspect- which you are, let's be honest,- but even if not… it's still not your job to make me happy."

… saying that out loud feels so weird. It's almost as if he's speaking a foreign tongue.

Her pep goes as suddenly as it came. Partly because, well… Law's right. Still… "I like making people smile and laugh, though," she mumbles.

She's a difficult one, alright. He gives his head a frustrated scratch; "I never said you couldn't try, just... everything has a time and place, okay?"

She grumbles something that must be an 'okay' while nodding. Meanwhile, Nami has appeared over the railing, and calls out to her almost immediately:

"Kat, coffee is ready! You like it with two sugars and milk, right?"

It takes her a second to shake off the embarrassment and address the question. "I do," she replies at last.

"Now go, get that coffee," Law instructs, poking her with the book; "And wipe that frown off your face, brooding is my job, capiche?" Even if he'll be forever weirded out by how his face looks with a genuine smile plastered over it.

She can't help, but crack an awkward smile a that. "Yeah." Another moment of hesitation later, she steps towards the rope ladder.

Law sighs and takes another look at the bear. Now… will this thing fit into the chest with the dozens of others he's gotten throughout the years?