#like i know teres more and THERE WILL BE even more

[eightyones]

lando making oscar zendaya laugh: a small compilation

[bumblingbabooshka]

Jara, Tuvok’s first crush

[decolonize-the-left]

Okay so as a non-American, i'm curious: what's the deal with Biden v Trump? How did it end up with only these two if everyone hates them so fucking much? If there are only two candidates, and neither are votable, what are people supposed to do on election day? Do you have a way of annulating the vote such that it doesn't just go to the candidate with the most votes? Or are you planning to just not vote and pay the fee? Wait, is voting even compulsory over there? If it isn't, are you just gonna not vote? Would that be better? Or is there some mysterious 3rd candidate no one's mentioned?

Dems & Republicans the only parties with ballot access because they're the only parties with money. They have money because they serve the interests of corporations, shareholders, etc.

Non-democrat and non-republican parties have limited ballot access across the 50 states and in order to get on the ballots, they have to meet whatever the standards are for ballot access in each individual state. Sometimes it's automatic, sometimes they need petitions, sometimes they need a Lot more than that. And doing all that costs money which again, a lot of them don't have.

If you don't have ballot access in all 50 states then you are at a risk of losing. You see, each state has a designated number of delegates. You need a certain amount to win. Some states have over 100 delegates. If you don't have ballot access in all 50 states then you NEED to win more delegates in the states you do have just to keep up.

This is why most people are stuck voting democrat or Republican even if we don't want to. And it's why we're told they're the more "realistic" choices.

That said, tere are several Really Decent 3rd parties running and I intend to vote for Jasmine Sherman if she's on my ballot in November. She is an AMAZING candidate if you ask me. Not perfect, but leagues ahead of our other options.

HOWEVER. Do to more bullshit, my vote won't matter as the state I'm in sends their delegates to whoever the majority of the state votes for... Which will likely be Biden.

Also Biden is only the nominee of democrats at the moment. He is not the only democrat running. The Democratic party does hold a Primary Vote to determine who will be the official nominee. Democrats have Very Shitty options this year. None are as shitty and violent as Biden, but- actually idk why they don't just vote for someone else. They could absolutely vote for a different democratic nominee.

The primaries are happening right now though, and it doesn't seem like that will happen.

Republicans do the same thing. Trump is running as Republican and like Biden, is expected to win the primary.

The winners of the primary are who people have a choice to elect for president in November.

Hence why our options are Biden v Trump.

Other 3rd party candidates will hold their own primaries (if the party they're in has more than one person running).

Again tho, there is no guarantee that they will be on the ballot in every state.

I personally don't know if annulating a vote is even possible.

Voting is not compulsory & there is no fee for not voting.

It's also not entirely accessible and every year democrats and Republicans fuck with voter boundaries and cut more polling places which makes voting take like ALL DAY if there's only one poll near you that needs to serve your region. God forbid you're disabled or elderly and want to cast a vote in a place like that..

TLDR: Our entire voting system is absolute trash and intentionally complicated to keep the capitalist two main parties in power.

[alexiabae]

KIND¹; lia wälti x fem!reader

Summary: during a match between switzerland vs spain, lia was involved in y/n's injury.

Warnings: mention of blood, injury, hit on the head, fluff.

Note: English is not my first language.

not my gif.

"We can!" Irene shouts in the changing room before they all get out of it and go to the tunnel to wait.

This was the captain's job, but since the last encounter that it passed to other hands, even if she didn't wear the band. It doesn't matter anymore. The real captains would show it with it or without it, and Irene is the proof of it. Of course Irene gave them a speech after Ivana's, not despising the function that the coach gave her.

They all embrace one another and give some encouragement before they put a foot out from the changing room, leading it Ivana.

Y/N waited between Tere and Aitana. She brushed her braided hair, nervously biting her bottom lip.

"Stop it, you would mess it up." Aitana muttered, putting off Y/N's own hands from her hair.

Y/N turned to look at her. "It is our last chance." She confesses her worries.

Aitana smiled gently. "I know. And we give everything. You know that last game isn't all our fault. It's too from the coach side. So don't blame it on you, show them what you're capable of. Even if some of them know about it." Aitana winked, reassuring her friend and teammate. They are from the same age, they always played for the same team and they always played in the national team, youth and senior. Aitana knows everything about Y/N and Y/N knows everything about Aitana.

Y/N nodded, grabbing a hand with hers and turned to look in front again, meeting Tere's back. She saw how the other national team came out, concentration written on their faces. She gets scared when saw Ana's face, she knows that face. It was like if the blonde read her mind that when saw her, she gave her one of her soft smiles, raising a hand and waving it in the air. The midfielder does it too, but with a lipped smile.

Some of her teammates greet her too. Alexia and Jenni were the ones near her and started a little conversation, including a hug.

"Nos vamos para casa, Aitana." Y/N leaned briefly to Aitana and muttered only to her to hear.

"Cállate." The Catalan hissed, rolling her eyes. They still have their hands intertwined.

Y/N tried to focus on Aitana's hand and look away, avoiding the rival team. Some chats were heard between all of them, until the referee indicates that it was time to go outside. Y/N let out Aitana's hand and walked behind Tere. Once they are in the center of the pitch, they put themselves horizontally, waiting for the anthems to sound.

"You look pale, are you okay?" Alexia asked her while they waited for Ivana to do the captain's things.

Y/N nods, hugging her. "Sip. No need to worry." She lied to her, not wanting to disturb the concentration for her fault.

Alexia looked at her suspiciously, but remained quiet. She patted her shoulder and ran to her position, Y/N following behind, receiving a wink from Aitana since she is to her side.

She finds Ana's gaze again, who is right now in front of her. "Hey, you missed me?" Ana smirked.

It relaxes a little Y/N's nerves. "Right now no. Ask me another day." The blonde snorted by her comment.

They remained quiet and heard the count down, Spain put in movement the ball. Y/N received the ball and she passed it to Irene. The minutes passed and the possession was for Spain, like they always control the ball and Switzerland has two times the chance to score. It was a corner that almost changed the result, coming again from the Swiss part.

"You need to wake up, Y/N!" Aitana ran towards her and tried to make her concentrate. "Forget about your expectations and play. Play like you always do." The Catalan gave some encouragement to her friend.

Alexia keeps an eye near Y/N, wondering why she is playing like that, missing easy passes or distributing the ball wrong.

"You have right, Aiti. Sorry." Y/N nodded, running with more conviction towards her position, waiting for Misa to kick the ball.

The rest of the first half, Y/N changed her style. She passed to play badly to be the one who created more chances to score. They went half time with a draw.

"I don't know what Aitana told you. But keep that way." Alexia walked by her side, bringing her left arm around Y/N's shoulders.

Y/N smiled. "Sorry about the start... My insecurities get in the way." She confesses, blushing a little.

"Well... You changed your mood. If you want to talk about it, let me know." Her friend offered, smiling with affection.

"Vale. Thanks." Y/N said, leaning briefly her head on Alexia's.

They walked towards the changing room, the coach giving some tactics for the second part, letting them five minutes before to go again towards the pitch.

Irene grabbed Y/N's shoulder and stopped her until the defender was alongside and started to walk again.

"I know what happened before. I understand why you acted that way, our coach doesn't give us hope to win. But I'm giving you it." Irene started to say, the height difference is showing a little. The Basque look down to look at Y/N with firmness. "You can do whatever you want with the ball. You have that magic. You can't let ignorant people get to your head. Play like nothing matters, like if you are a little kid again and the time doesn't matter." Y/N bites her bottom lip to hold the tears from the words that her captain gave her. Because yes, she always considers Irene, Alexia and Jenni their captains.

"Thank you." Y/N muttered, nodding with her head.

"Any time." Irene smiled, squeezing her arm.

•••

The start of the second half was epic for Spain. They scored after five minutes to start it, thanks to Y/N that gave the assist to Salma Paralluelo. People would think that it was for a motivational speech from their coach, but the reality was very far away from that. It is thanks to the players that they scored. A new change came with the words that they exchanged between them.

It was the 70th minute when something changed again. Y/N was acting like a pivot, she is not used to playing in that position, but new changes came in the national team, so she needs to adapt. Well, it was in a counter attack from Spain, Y/N was the last player and she started running upside waiting for Ona to pass the ball to her. Y/N was in the center of the pitch when Ona passed it to her, when she was going to control the ball with her chest, there was a little hole on the pitch that made her lose some balance and make the rival player hit her on the face, with her feet.

Y/N felt and heard the sound the impact made on her left eye. She knew that it wasn't on the eye, but it hurt like it was. She let out a scream, falling to the ground while she covered her face with her hands.

For her teammates, it happened in slow motion. They saw how it was clearly on the eye, making them run towards her and towards the rival player, screaming.

Ana runs quickly to put herself in the middle. "Hey! She didn't do that on purpose." She tried to explain at them to understand, holding Alexia and Aitana. The blonde looked briefly to her friend, seeing how affected she is.

"I don't care!" Aitana roared. She was the first one to go to where Y/N was laying, pushing Lia aside aggressively when the Swiss tried to see how Y/N is.

Alexia was biting her lip so hard to retain what she was thinking that surely soon she made a cut. So she decided to go where Y/N is laying surrounded by her teammates.

Lia saw how the medic team from Spain came quickly and moved out all the players, seeing how they reincorporated Y/N up. A lot of blood was covered on her face.

"It's not her eye." Ana told her, letting out a relief sigh. She heard the medics saying to Spain's players that it wasn't her eye.

Lia thanked whatever it is to hear that. The brunette raised her hands towards her face and let tears roll for her cheeks, feeling really bad for her actions. Ana noticed how quiet her friend was and saw how she covered her face with her hands.

"It's not your fault, Lia. It's a bad coincidence." She muttered, hugging her by her shoulders, kissing her head.

"If something more happened I would never forgive myself, Ana." Lia muttered.

Ana sighed again. "But that thing didn't happen. So, please stop overthinking." She saw how Y/N stood up, holding with a hand whatever the medics gave her. The public started to clap, making Lia look at what happened and standing up she too, tried to go where Y/N is, but Ana grabbed her wrist, shaking with her head.

"Are you okay?" Aitana asked once she stood up, wiping something on Y/N's face with affection.

"It hurts, but I'm okay." Y/N said in a hoarse voice.

"I'm going to kill her." Aitana muttered by her side.

Y/N snorted. "Shut up. Me and you know that it wasn't true. Also, it is not her fault. There is a hole here." She pointed at the spot where it was, seeing how Aitana clenched her jaw.

The others approached her, relieved sighs and heard that it wasn't a big injury. Y/N walked slowly out of the pitch, until she saw the referee going to the player who made this to her and showed a red card, earning claps from the public and some of her teammates.

The medic team took her towards the tunnel, Y/N keeping an eye on the player that was walking behind them. The Swiss received some support from the staff team and teammates before the brunette walked towards inside.

"Hey." Y/N stopped walking, turning to look at the brunette player.

Lia stopped too, caught with the guard off. "Hey..."

Y/N smiled, grimacing a little when she felt the skin tense. "Do you want to accompany me? I pass it badly with this type of thing."

Lia nodded slowly, seeing the confusion on the medics faces. Y/N extended her hand with a smile, the Swiss took it and let it guide herself by the other three people. They approached Spain's changing room and Lia let the medics do their thing. She walked where Y/N was laying and held her hand, squeezing it when saw how scared Y/N looked.

"I don't like needles." Y/N let the other know, knowing how scared her face turned on.

Lia still didn't speak, she just squeezed her hand, caressing her palm with her thumb too. She saw how her left eyebrow was inflamed when they took off the ice pack, her eyes fully close and a bruise starting to form. The Swiss swallow, already feeling more guilty when she sees the state she lets her rival.

While the medics stitched her left eyebrow, at some point happy screams were heard, letting them know that someone scored. Right now it was the last thing that Lia cares about.

"Vale. He terminado." One of them said, cutting off the thread while the other put on a bandage.

Y/N sat up while talking about some things with them, clearly Lia can't understand it because it is in their language. They give her a water bottle, offering too one to Lia before they get out of the big room, letting the two alone.

"Sorry about Aitana's behaviour. She is very protective of me." Y/N muttered, giving her a lipped smile.

Lia copied her. "I understand. I should probably do the same thing." Lia talked for the first time.

Y/N liked her voice. "Your face sounds to me..." The Spanish player said, her eyebrows knitting, once again forgetting about her new injury and hissing from pain.

The Swiss thought that she looked adorable. "I'm Lia. I play for Arsenal, we face each other two seasons ago." She explained, caressing mindlessly Y/N's hand.

Soon, Y/N's eyes brighten. "You are Ana's friend! She told me stories about you two."

Lia blushes. "I guess it is me."

"What are you doing here?" Someone else came, interrupting their conversation.

The brunette lets Y/N's hand fall and stand up, ready to go.

"Shut up, Aitana. She is here because I asked her if she can accompany me while they stitch my eyebrow." Y/N said, standing up too.

The Catalan looked at Lia suspiciously, but remained quiet. Soon, another one came, making Aitana walk to where they are standing.

Alexia frowned. "¿Qué hace ella aquí?" She asked in Spanish. She knew it was rude, but wanted an answer without the Swiss finding out.

"Y/N tiene un crush." Aitana stated, her jaw clenching. Y/N blushed, hitting Aitana's arm. She hoped that Lia didn't understand but her name and crush is enough.

The brunette blushed too, maybe she didn't fully understand what the Catalan said, but something she caught.

Alexia leaned her head aside, walking to where they are. She extended her hand towards Lia, the Swiss accepting it shyly. "Next time be more careful, please." The midfielder said kindly, but with a firm tone, just like her gaze.

"Alexia!" Y/N whined. The mentioned shakes Lia's hand softly and hugged Y/N carefully, giving Aitana a smug smirk.

"I don't find it funny." Aitana growled, annoyed. She was standing beside Y/N, with her arms crossed about her chest. Alexia rolled her eyes, in part understanding her, but the other she just wanted to hit her.

More of them came to see how Y/N is, frowning and giving some dirty looks at Lia.

"Irene, Jenni! Let her alone, I ask her to be with me." Y/N grabbed Lia's hand when saw how the tall women walked towards the brunette with decision. She put herself between Lia and the two women.

Jenni looked at Alexia, who was there before them and wanted an explanation.

"Se nos ha enamorado." Alexia answered, shrugging with a playful smile.

Y/N turned towards her quickly, giving with an eye a bad look, while her cheeks turned red. It makes Alexia laugh.

Irene raised an eyebrow, looking at the Swiss inquisitive. "You are Ana's Lia." She pointed out, crossing her arms. She wanted to intimidate the woman, she heard too about Ana's stories and if the blonde was right, Lia can have all the approbation from the team. Barcelona team unless.

Lia swallows, nodding. In other circumstances, she doesn't get so intimidated by someone easily, but she kicked in the face of one of Ana's friends and she looked intimidating.

"Uh? Our Ana?" Jenni asked loudly, looking for Irene to confirm it. The defender nodded. "Es guapa." Jenni winked to Y/N, earning some protest from Aitana and others and the laugh from Alexia, who was finding it funny.

"Dejadla en paz." Y/N hissed, blushing more. She tried to move with Lia to the exit, but it was impossible.

"Lia? What are you doing here?" Ana asked, confused, entering inside and walking towards all of them. She raised an eyebrow when saw Y/N and Lia holding hands. "¿Qué me he perdido?" She inquired towards her teammates.

Y/N roll her eye. "Nada." She said quickly, letting out Lia's hand, even if she soon missed her contact.

Ana looked at her, a loving smile creeping on her face. "You are good. Nothing happened to your eye?" She asked, putting both hands on Y/N's cheeks, examining her close eye, seeing a purple bruise forming around it.

"Just stitches to my eyebrow." Y/N muttered, crossing her arms like a child. The blonde Swiss chuckled and kissed her forehead carefully.

"Le gusta tu amiga." Jenni hummed, making Y/N choke with her saliva. Ana turned to look at Jenni and then at Y/N, raising once again an eyebrow. She is still holding her face with her hands.

Some chuckled was heard around them, Lia a little confused but guessing that they are making fun of Y/N, for her reaction.

Y/N moves out from Ana's hold and walks to her cubby, throwing her empty bottle at Jenni. The forward grabs it easily, laughing.

"Lia?" Ona called her. The Swiss looked at the defender, who approached her and whispered. "They are making fun of her because they think that she has a crush on you." She felt bad for Y/N and wanted to help in a way, and if Lia can help you, it was okay by her.

Ana heard what the freckled girl said and smiled. Lia opened her eyes, surprised. Not waiting for it at all. Then, she walked slowly towards Y/N, not caring anymore what they could say.

"You know...? I heard some stories about you that Ana shared with me. From her perspective you look funny and adorable. I don't know... But, do you want to take some coffee later? Maybe we can share some embarrassing stories about Ana." She said, a kind smile on her lips.

Y/N looked at her, a little in awe. "I love to. I have a lot." She muttered, agreeing with the proposal.

Lia chuckled. "Good. I have a lot too." The Swiss said, grabbing Y/N's phone from her hands and writing her number phone on it. "Here you go. I texted myself to have your number, I hope you don't mind."

Ana looked offended. "I'm going to be the topic on their first date? I mean, if it was for another thing okay, but not for embarrassing stories." She muttered, making her teammates laugh.

"Look it for the good part, you create a new couple." Jenni said, laughing.

"I still don't agree with it." Aitana said stubbornly.

[hoodharlow]

Happiest Time of the Year

AN: there was a fic but fuck it insta AU

Requested? No

Warnings: none? Annoying fans I guess lol

Word Count: n/a

IHEARTRADIO via tiktok, Dec. 11

@'iheartradio: he also smells really good 😍

@'miriamdominguez: why are y'all that even close to my man 🤨

->@'annoyingtwittergirlie: stfu, don't act all fake jealous when you haven't even gone to any of his shows. I've been to more shows than you have

->@'Miriamismother: she has a job unlike you if you're out here stalking her man

@'miriamxjenna: oh he's like tall

@'Celtics: our favorite fan 🍀

View all 1785 comments

Dec. 16

@'mdm: Pamela Islas 🪴🌱🌿🌾🌵🌲🌴🌳

@'mdm: earrings are custom from this shop in Alamitos Beach near Long Beach

-> @'fan: girl what do you know about Long Beach

-> @'mdmstan: she was born there 😭 and she's talked about how spent most of her formative years there before her parents moved them to Calabasas

@'mamimiriam: Miriam’s chola aesthetic is something that could be so personal

@'lesliegrace: Poison 🌿

-> @'mdm: mi batichica 🦇

@'jackharlow: ♥️

->@'miriamhater: get a girlfriend who goes to your concerts

->@'mackaremyparents: why don't you wait until Jack's show to see if she didn't make it before y'all are under comments talking shit 💀

->@'mdmsource: there's a video of Jack picking her up at the airport in Louisville

-> @'stalkertwittergirlie: I had the misfortune of sitting in the same row as her in first class and she was a fucking bitch the entire flight. I tried making conversation and she covered herself with her blanket and ignored me the whole flight

-> @'mdm: that was business class babes, there's no first class from New York to Louisville

->@'mdmxjh: GAG

View all 23,542 comments

Dec. 19

@'jackharlow: finally home

@'mdm: there's no place like it 🥺 also I'm gonna need my pants back 💛

->@'jackharlow: fine then I'm gonna need all my hoodies, shirts, and sweats back

->@'mdm: 😦😦😦

@'urbanwyatt: 🖕🏻😝🖕🏻

@'claybornharlow: where's my jacket?

@'mackshipper: their height differences are everything to me

@'nickiejohn: mf icon

@'mdmxjh: notice how all the antis are quiet now 😂

->@'mdmupdates: literally haha, I know that clip of them making out in the background of Urban's live had them in shambles 🤣

->@'mackshipper: that was them?

->@'mdmupdates: yeah the red hair threw me off but that's def her ass that he's squeezing lol

View all 43287 comments

Dec. 28

@'mdm: aquí nomás

@'medegutierrez: Daisy's face 🦦

->@'mdm: her ass was out here acting like she didn't spend 2 winters in Aspen lol

@'katdominguez: abuela Tere said to put on a sweater pa'que no te de un resfrío

@'jackharlow: 🤞🏻

@'haileybieber: my heart 🥰🥰🥰

@'haileesteinfeld: Daisy is so precious

@'jackandmiriam4life: their mirror selfies are always either super couply or they're on the verge of them starting a couples OF page lol

@'claybornharlow: owm to rescue my niece from the cold

->@'antimack: rescue Jack too

->@'annoyingtwittergirlie: she doesn't deserve them

->@'claybornharlow: y'all fucking can't take a joke 🙄

View all 53,220 comments

Jan. 3

@'jackharlowsource: Some pictures of Jack at his new year's party

@'jack_stan: obsessed with these

@'mackshipper: not Jack photobombing the group picture lol

@'antimack: she's trying so hard to be liked by his friends

@'jhupdates: where did you get the first picture

->@'jackharlowsource: Miriam’s sister posted and deleted it on her ig stories

View all 1,468 comments

Taglist: @cherry4everrr @heavyhitterheaux ​ @carma-fanficaddict ​ @youngharleezy @youngharleezyxo ​ @babyharleezy ​ @that-90s-girllll ​ @alinaharlow @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @webinurcloset @gassyandsassy1 @jackharloww @awhore4moree @noescapricho-essentimiento @a-moment-captured @neon-lights-and-glitter @purecinnamonextract @whywontyoulovemecami @camificrecs

[thatone-brightstar]

The Bear & The Fox (Carmy Berzatto x Fem!Reader)

Chapter 12: A Carmy shade of blue

Words: 7.4k

Summary: It all comes down to this...

a/n: I made Fox’s set and it came out so good omg! Can we please talk about the dedication! Also I’m posting the Epilogue right after this one so enjoys both and remember comments are always appreciated!

Ps. reader is Latina in this so there will be some Spanish!

‘You can do this. You can totally do this. You don’t have to talk to him, just show up.’

You had been trying to psych yourself up for the better part of the last half hour. After clipping on your earring and fixing the curly pieces of hair that frame your face, you thought you’d feel brave enough to move. But your legs stayed locked in place, tightly knotted over the vanity stool that had started to dig into the sides of your bare thighs. 

The bubbling nerves had you doubting all your decisions. The dress didn’t seem appropriate so you changed, then your makeup felt cakey so you rinsed it off and started over. The necklace was too small, the hoops too big, the urge to call Carmy too grand and the noise from the living room too overstimulating. Between the volume on the stereo and your aunts’ joyous laugh, the thin walls didn’t stand a chance and neither did the vibrating pulse in your skull.

You finally push yourself off the stool and stalk past the hallway to the kitchen, slamming your door in the process. The circle of heads turn in your direction as you appear in the space, each sister cradling a glass of wine in their hands.

“Mamá -mamita- por favor, can you turn that shit down!” You say louder than intended and you know you fucked up just from the look on her face.

“Que te dije de azotar puertas en mi casa, eh?! Cuando vivas en tu casa entonces-”

“-puedes hacer lo que se te dé la gana-” You recite over her words, rolling your eyes and causing the nerves to pound harder in the back of them. “Yes, I know, mami but can you please just turn it down? My head is killing me…”

“Okay- okay. Ya, see? It’s down.” She says, making a show of pointing the control to the stereo and lowering the volume to the lowest. “What, are you hungover again?”

You drag yourself around the counter to greet your aunts with a kiss, then take the empty space beside your mother and rest your aching head over her shoulder. “No, I haven’t gone out… It’s probably just my period, I dunno. Y mi abuelo?” You ask and rub at the empty space between your brows.

“Playing cards with his friends.” Angie answers, picking at the platter they had set in the middle of their circle. “You sure you’re not pregnant?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that!?”

“Ay dios, pues maybe cause you’re all moody!” Tere adds.

“Maybe cause I’m nervous!”

“Then that’s why your head hurts…” Your mother says as she gently runs her fingers through the soft curls. Then she laughs out of nowhere. “Remember that time in the school choir, when you had the solo and you were so nervous you-” She’s laughing too hard to finish and the echo of all three only makes you groan.

You pull your head from her shoulder and rest it over your palm with your elbow on the cool surface of the counter. “One: I was like five, and two, you remember that but can’t stop calling me ‘mijo’ every time I walk into a room?”

Her laughter dies down as she waves her hand dismissively and takes a drink from her glass. “You two have the same stride, it's not my fault!”

“So what are you nervous about?” Tere changes the subject while she peels the skin off her grape.

“She’s nervous to see her ex..” Your mother answers, as if you weren’t in the room to speak for yourself.

“Ay, el de los ojitos?” Angie asks surprised. “I like him, he’s cute.”

“Y’know who I like? The other one- the tall one-, give me two more glasses and I’ll climb ‘em like a tree-”

“Ma ya!” You call out with a grossed out expression, trying to avoid the mental picture of your mother and Richie from even materializing in your head.

“Qué? How do you think you got here!?” She says between the chorus of chuckles.

‘Jesus, fuck’ You think and shudder, then take the wine glass from her hand and down the rest of the liquid that successfully drowns your nerves.

With the soft music floating in the air, Angie takes the bottle and pours a hefty amount of liquid into the glass in your hands.

“So, boy troubles?” She asks, only receiving a nod from your part, eyes fixed on the swirling maroon. 

“He’s catering tonight and we didn’t really… end things on a good note.”

“So what? This is your day too and you can’t let a little fight get in the way…”

You don’t have the time or energy to entertain them with the whole story of your failed situation with Carmy. They know about the car crash but not the bridge or of Mikey and the last thing you need is all three finding out over wine and a cheeseboard.

“I just won’t go, it’s easier like that…” You take another sip. “I’ll stay with you guys instead.”

“Ah-ah, no. Mira-” Your mother grabs a hold of your knees and turns your body to face her. “Mi amor, if you stay cause you’re nervous that’s fine, your painting’s will still be there. But you can’t stay just cause you’re scared you might see him.” Her hand feels warm and soft over your knees. 

“I feel like I fucked it up worse with what I said yesterday…” You confess to the women and even when you thought your eyes had gone dry, a few drops seem to accumulate on your bottom lid. “What if that was it, what if the last thing I told him was to get his shit together…”

“Then you were telling him what he needed to hear. You said it because you care, not because you wanted to hurt him and if he can’t tell the difference, then you did the right thing by stepping off that train early.” She wraps one arm around your shoulders and pulls you to her side. “But you won’t know if it works out unless you go…”

A hefty sigh rattles your lungs, the wisp of your mother’s familiar perfume filters through your nostrils and calms you down better than the wine ever could. She was right, you couldn’t go through life scared that you might run into him all the time. This was more important to you than having to hide from him, no matter how things had ended.

“Now I know I raised a bad bitch not a little one, asi que andale, finish getting ready or you’ll be late-” A soft laugh bubbles in your throat as she playfully shoves you off the stool and in the direction to your room, turning up the volume again once you’re gone.

“And show us the look before you go!” You hear your aunt Angie’s voice bounce through the hallway.

**********

The whole 24 hours leading up to the auction felt like a fever dream for Carmy. Since the moment you fled the grounds with bloodshot eyes, to the obscene amount of cash they kept pulling out of canned tomatoes, he had felt not at all there. In a daze, flashes of blurred out scenes from a third perspective take the space of memories every time he tries to recall. Like a long ago dream that he can’t quite make out if it’s real or not. Except it is, and they did find that money… and he also did break your heart. 

He still remembers the overwhelming impulse that itched under his skin with every empty can that was thrown into the garbage. To reach for his phone and call you, or better yet, to drive to your place and back because there was no way in hell you would believe him if you didn’t see it for yourself. Even at the end of the day- when he was home washing out the thick pulp from under every fingernail- he wondered if he could still try. Run to your house and confess how much of an asshole he was for not noticing the shit he put you through. Girls dig that shit, right? 

But even if he did run after you now, what would he say? He already proved himself incompetent word-wise, inside the walk-in. The surprise to see you again had rendered him speechless, as if an ice cube had been dropped down his shirt and he had no other choice but to pretend like the cold wasn’t piercing his skin. Pretend with tight fists and wavering stares like it wasn’t eating him alive to refrain from pulling you into his arms. The plain touch of your skin as he nursed your wound was enough to rile up weeks’ worth of shrouded emotions he was too afraid to confess, because every time he tried dialing your number, the words would constrict his throat and leave him heaving over the bathroom sink. 

“I still don’t understand why we gotta wear this…” 

“I think we look fine as hell!” Marcus says grinning and checking himself out in the dull reflection of the oven. “Like professionals…”

“Speak for yourself, mine’s all itchy.” Sweeps mutters under his tone while pulling around the neck of his new chef’s coat.

“Alright, take ‘em off before you stain ‘em with something.” Sydney calls from the entrance with an impatient motion in her hands. “They’re for the event tonight, so we actually look put together and not- well, whatever this is...”

“..Cute?”

“..Sexy?”

“Late. We’re gonna be late, if you don’t quit messing around and finish filling up the truck!” They both yell a hard ‘Yes, Chef!’ then continue hauling the plastic boxes with the preparations for the evening into the van Syd had borrowed from one of her cousins. 

Carmen watches half concentrated to make sure that nothing is thrown around, although he trusts them enough to know they’ll be careful. Instead, he’s focused his attention on finishing the last of the sauces, a sweet Demi Glacé that he insisted on making himself. Now that they would be closing for renovations and the tension of staying afloat wasn’t straining his back, he enjoyed every second of the process. Cooking didn’t feel like something he had to do anymore, but something he wanted to as well as enjoyed, and he wasn’t sure how long it had been since the last time he felt that way. He did know, but the images carried a bitter sensation that weighed thick on his mouth and he was trying excruciatingly hard to stay above his regular broody mood.

“Yo, chef, you not comin’ with?” Marcus asks once they’ve compacted everything inside the small van.

“No, I -uhm-” Fuck. He swallows hard and tries to rack his brain for any plausible excuse. “-I trust you can manage.”

A groan echoes through the small space. “If you’re a little bitch just say that!” Tina chimes in with a mocking tone, setting down the tall metal cylinder filled with spoons and tongs that they’d be using for that night.

“T, c’mon-”

“Yeah, man just say that, don’t bruise my ego like that!”

“I’m not a little-”

“You gotta fight for love, man!”

“Even if she rejects you again-”

“Alright, shut up for a sec-” He grips the edge of the table in irritation, head hanging low. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I broke it off, okay?”

The words feel wrong as they tumble from his mouth. Not because of what they might say, if anything they were the few people he trusted most in the place, but something inside him didn’t like the sensation the words unearthed. They made his chest wither and crack, like the clay you had used to cover his fissures was popping off with every reminder of your absence. 

“...Why?” Marcus asks, breaking the silence. 

Carmy doesn’t answer, and even if he wanted to he wouldn’t know what to say. He chooses to shrug instead, heavy and noticeable in hopes that this is a sufficient response that will get them off his back.

Tina takes a step closer and reaches out to softly pat his shoulder. “No offense Carm, but I don’t think you’ll be able to pull anyone better than her…”

Her words rip a soft snigger from his throat, from his side view he watches her pick up the cylinder again and walk to the back where he assumes the rest of the team awaits by the van.

Marcus stays beside him, contemplating the words around before letting them out. “Shit got rough, then?” 

“That's an understatement” He mutters through bared teeth as he fears another word will split the last piece of clay holding him together.

“My statement still stands… Shit gets rough for everybody but that doesn't mean you gotta go through it alone… just sayin’.”

Marcus pushes himself off the table to leave, taking the sauce with him and leaving Carmy with his tumultuous thoughts in the restaurant that hadn’t known this much peace since its opening day.

**********

The typically calm ambience of the gallery had been replaced by the buzzing sounds of chatter and movements as the last details were polished with only a few hours to the opening. You had been in a hectic frenzy since your arrival, only finally catching your breath when you were certain everything was where it needed to be. The decorations sat strategically by the entrance and away from the attention of the artwork, clipboards and pens had been placed for whoever wanted to bid and the bar stations had been successfully assembled around the perimeter of the room.

“Thanks again for the help, I owe you one.” You say as you help carry the last box of champagne bottles to one of the bars.

“No prob, to be honest I’m just here for the free booze-” Nico answers with a grunt, picking the box from your hands and taking the bottles out to chill in ice.

“As opposed to what? The other free booze at your regular gig?” You ask your cousin in a teasing tone.

“Hey, just cause I drink it, don’t make it free.” 

“Just try not to black out, okay? Angie ’ll kill me if I let you drive home like that!” 

You hear a mocking ‘Yeah, yeah’ as you leave him to go open the back door for Syd, after reading the text from Marcus that they had arrived. The floor feels slightly unstable as you walk past the back, to the door that leads onto the side alley, but you credit it to the irritating thought that it may be Carmen’s face that you’ll see once you open the door.

A sigh of relief- and partial disappointment- parts from you at the sight of Marcus and Sweeps dragging out a long white cooler from the back of a beated van, but no Carmy in sight. They both greet you quickly as you guide them into the area they’ll be occupying temporarily. It’s the same space your easels had been standing in for the last month, though the only evidence of it were the small stains and smudges of cyan and teal on the gray concrete.

“There are another two tables up front, by the expo, so you can serve up there. This one’s just for like, mise en place, if you need anything from scratch.” You say to Syd while the rest of the team finish unpacking.

“Yeah. no this is fine. We finished everything this morning. I only brought a portable burner for a few of the sauces, but other than that, we’re set.”

You nod in response as you watch them observe their surroundings in awe, the multiple rows of never ending art catching their attention.

“Sorry for bailing like that… yesterday.” You blurt out as the words seem to catapult straight from your guilt. “It was a dick move.”

Syd acknowledges it with her own nod. “It was a dick move- but, y’know… I get it.” She shrugs.

Your throat itches to ask about him, if he’s considered coming, even with the excuse to check up on them. But you know that regardless of the answer, the pressure over your chest won’t subside, so you resign to bite the soft flesh inside your mouth to keep the words at bay.

“Uhm. well let me know if you need anything. The whole thing starts in an hour so just make sure to have everything over by the tables by then.”

A chorus of ‘Heard’s resonates in the large space and Syd turns to you with a proud smile, wiggling her brows. You give her an enthusiastic thumbs up before stepping back and out into the busy room, striding directly into Nico’s bar.

“Pour me a glass, will ya?” You ask with a soft knock on the counter, applying pressure between your brows.

“Bro, I haven’t even opened anything yet…” You stare up at him through incredulous slits, earning a sigh from his part, then he pulls an open champagne bottle from the small fridge and a glass.

As soon as he sets it down, you take it and rapidly chug the amber liquid, bubbles burning the sides of your throat and filling in the void in your chest.

“Woah, woah- cousin! We’re not gonna run out, chill…”

You place the glass back down and wipe the corners of your mouth. “Sorry, I really needed that.” 

“You good?”

“Yeah… yeah.” You sigh, then turn to scan the room one last time.

Past the glass walls, you can see a small crowd already beginning to form at the entrance. The culmination of months of hard work stands behind the transparent barrier, and a part of you can’t help but to think of all the ways tonight could go wrong. ‘What if the lights go off in the middle of the event?’ or ‘What if the whole thing blows over and we don’t raise any funds?’ and the worst of all ‘What if no one likes my work and they’re the only ones that don’t sell?’. 

“You sure?” He asks with a creased brow. “You’re kinda hyperventilating…”

“Yeah…” You say for the third time, less convinced than the first two. “Y’know what, Nico can you pour-”

“-Way ahead of you.” The soft sizzling of the drink is muted by the instrumental music playing over the speakers, but you still hear the glass slide by your palm, where it rests over the cool surface.

You know it’s a bad idea to drink two glasses straight, especially when all you’ve had to eat is a granola bar you found at the bottom of your bag on the train ride there, but the thought is soon chased away by the cooling liquid trickling down to your empty stomach and drowning it completely. You only finish half of it before being whisked away by Syd to help with setting their station. 

With a pair of latex gloves and your hair thrown into a bun, you paint streaks of raspberry coulis along the bottom of the small dishes, then above that, you place the small tapas that Marcus is assembling beside you. The alcohol has calmed your fingers enough to draw steady lines over the canvas and the repetitive actions soothe the wavering anxiety.

“They turned out fire…” Marcus comments by your side.

“Hmm?”

“The Brioche bites. The chai filling was a good call.”

“Oh, right- yeah, I’m glad!”

“Can’t wait for you to try them, chef. These things are gonna fly!” His excitement is contagious and you can’t help but to smile up at him too.

“I’ll definitely try one before they do…”

“I saw your set by the way, on my way here…”

You swallow dryly, flicking your gaze to him from your hunched position then back to your task.

“Yeah? And, uh, w-what did you think?”

Marcus shrugs lightly and stands to his full height, even in your heels you barely reach his shoulder, let alone without them. Everytime you stand beside him, you’re reminded to straighten your posture, as if that’ll do any good in stretching you up.

“I don’t know shit about art, but I thought it was baller. I like what you did to The Beef. I’d bid, y’know… if I had any money.” 

You nod slowly with a slight smile flourishing on your face and turn back down to fill up a tray for one of the waiters. 

With most of your concentration on the kaleidoscope of served plates, you don’t notice the room starting to slowly fill up. Only when the music grows a little louder and the chatter reaches your ears, you lift your head to spot the swaying crowd already holding bubbling flutes in their hands and gravitating in your direction. 

“Think you can manage, chef? Or do I call for backup?” You challenge Marcus, pointing with your head to the oncoming group.

“Nah, I’m all good, you go ahead. Run ‘em dry” 

“Yes, chef” You respond with a salute and a click of our tongue, then throw your apron under the table and cautiously round it on your way to the open space.

It wasn’t as bad as you assumed it would be. Once you broke through the initial awkwardness of having to answer questions about some of the pieces, it all seemed to flow naturally. You had the most knowledge about them, after all. Months of planning and studying the best layout for each work had you inevitably remembering details that hadn’t seemed useful until now. You could gladly keep answering questions all night if it meant keeping your thoughts shut and your mouth busy.

You avoid your set like an active minefield, though. Now that you think about it, you’ve only seen it complete once -two weeks ago when you finished it- around three in the morning and slightly high. It was the only way you were able to do it without throwing up and turning into an angry sobbing mess. It was also the only set you didn’t hang up yourself, asking instead two of your coworkers for help while you stood outside with the cigarettes you had recently picked up again. In a way it was intentional. You had poured the most turbulent contents of your soul into each stroke, plastered it in the open for everyone to see and dissect. You didn’t want to see it in fear of hating how exposed you felt and pulling the plug. You do wonder. What it may look like under the dimmed lights, if the colors swirl with the shades you intended or if they fall flat against the canvas with no real sentiment.  

The memory of the five paintings laying side by side is a bit foggy in your head and you bite your lip as your feet guide you deeper inside the maze you’ve been avoiding. 

You stop by a wall that harbors your student’s final projects and the dread is momentarily overshadowed by pride. Each painting has its own bidding sheet, it’s not part of the actual auction of course, but it helps boost their morale. Before leaving, you take a closer look at the lists and smile as you read the name of the respective parent, along with the copious sum they wanted to ‘offer’ for their child’s work.

A faint wave of insecurity stirs inside as you spot a sparse crowd discussing technique and motivations of the artist and you gulp down a bit of the liquid in what has become your emotional support glass. 

“I think it’s too obvious…”

“Is it? Really? How so?”

“It’s obviously the crashing result capitalism has had on the smaller businesses of the city…”

“You definitely just made that up-”

A gentle snort blows over the rim of your glass while overhearing the stranger’s conversation. Your heels click softly as you settle by the back wall and eventually drag your eyes up to the five frames. Swirls of pearl, browns and aquamarine decorate the desolate icy blue eyes of a grizzly as it stares directly past the canvas. The sorrow has fallen heavy over droopy lids, patches of ash scatter over its matted fur. Under the large canvas, another three smaller ones depict angry oranges and blood reds swallowing up a pot, a stove top and ultimately engulfing the whole perimeters of The Beef.

The last painting spreads across the bottom of the smaller ones, same dimensions as The Bear. It sits cleaner, in faux composure, with defined lines around the borders of a stainless steel counter observed from the front. A mess of open bottles and jars rests beside a dish, meticulous yet chaotically plated. Splashes of a thick orange sauce invade the surface under a perfectly cooked salmon. It contrasts with the mess surrounding it as it seems like every tiny herb was tweezed on to every spot with perfection. It’s perfect. 

Too perfect. As if it were trying to disguise a deeply rooted impotence, impostor syndrome. An anxiety that is blatantly obvious in the cinder-patched arms that finish plating the dish, fingers gripping onto the steel utensils for dear, dear life.  The small letters ‘S.O.U’ are barely visible under the black soot and repeat a second time over a thick line of green tape along the counter line.

Your ribs rattle with a deep inhale as you knock back the remaining liquid. The crowd in front of you sways in thick groups that momentarily cloud your view of the pieces, giving you seconds to breathe before the piercing eyes you tried to replicate wash over you again. It’s until the bodies disperse, that you catch an unnervingly familiar back leaning down to scribble something on your sheet, then rising and walking in the opposite direction to you. The sensation you feel can only be compared to slowly climbing up the rails of a roller coaster, as if the pit of your stomach had been stuck on land while you crawled up the treacherous metal.

You place the empty glass on the tray of a waiter passing by and despite the alarms ringing in your head that your actions would only cause more harm, you force your stiff legs to move in the direction of your work. With shaky hands you pick up the sheet to inspect the name. An eerie chill claws at your arms and you grip on to the flimsy material with all your strength or you fear you might collapse in front of everyone. In a recognizable cursive- taunting you motionlessly- sits the name ‘Isaac H.’ bidding six thousand dollars. One for each month you spent together. For each fucking month he made you believe he loved you, the sick fuck.

The panic in your veins turns to anger, hot and scolding, traveling at light speed and triggering your neck to check around the space for the familiar face. You’re moved by hatred, stalking out of the maze with the crumbled page digging into your wounded fist, still searching around. A familiar head swims through the crowd then disappears past the door. Your heels click again in the direction of the entrance, throwing the ball of paper into one of the trash cans on your way out. The rage boils too heavily and you have every intention to smack your fist in his face until your rings leave a dent, once you spot him outside.

However, he’s not alone. There’s a girl with him, lovingly hanging on to his arm. It’s not his wife, but someone that closely resembles you from a distance. From the same hair length to stature and the complexion of her skin. It’s a strange mirage that has your steps faltering to a stop and wanting to rub your eyes in hopes that it may all be in your head. She steps up on her toes to leave a kiss on his cheek with a small giggle when his arm pulls her closer to him.

“Oh, you poor thing..” You expect the blatant display to stir your insides in memory, yet pity is the only emotion that seems present over your screwed brows. Pity and shame, that you could not notice how fucked up he truly was so long ago.

You have half a mind to call out to the girl and save her from a similar fate to yours, but before you can, they’re hailing a cab and leaving in the opposite direction to the gallery. A heavy sigh escapes you and you soon find yourself pulling the beaten package and lighter from your cleavage for the third time tonight. 

Goosebumps rise on your skin from the evening air as you walk further away from the door, blowing smoke into the light breeze. You rest your exposed back over the cold glass wall, eyes focused on the passing cars and only moving mechanically to take a drag every few seconds while your other hand unconsciously fidgets with the lighter.

You feel exhausted, the bulk that hovered over your shoulders all through the day finally falling over them like a weighted blanket, rendering you still and heavy against the glass. You thought that seeing Isaac might have made you want to cry, but your exhaustion is far beyond physical at this point and your eyes have grown tired above all else. You rub your finger in the center of your brows, careful to not crush the cig resting between them. 

The low hum of the music playing past the glass lulls you into a state of calmness while you finish your cigarette, hot skin enjoying the soft breeze that comes in through the river.

“Shit-ah-” You hiss and look down to your hand, where the embers have caught up with the filter and nibbled at the delicate layer of skin, the throb makes you drop the bud to the ground. You inspect the small burn, then turn your palm up to see the uncovered cut that Carmy had nursed the evening before and another hefty sigh mixes with the wind. It feels like all you ever do is sigh nowadays.

With the slight lightheadedness of the nicotine and the booze floating in your system, you push your body off the glass and slowly walk back into the gallery in hopes that the event will end soon. As you make your way past the doors, one of the other coordinators tells you that someone interested in purchasing your paintings is waiting by them and for a second your blood runs cold at the thought that Isaac might have come back. But the idea soon falls through, when your eyes try to adjust to the change in lighting and you’re greeted by the blurry image of Carmen.

He stands with all his undivided attention towards the pieces in front of him, with a bouquet of red flowers hanging from his hand and you think that- despite everything else in the day- this is definitely the moment that’ll give you a heart attack. He’s wearing his chef whites, like the one the team is currently sporting, but he looks completely different from that one picture you had seen of him, with his sullen eyes and glossy hair. You swallow hard and deep, eyes racking the flexing muscles that now seem too noticeable under the white material. His sleeves are rolled up, letting the few tattoos peek out from under and his hair holds the messy curls that make your fingers twitch with want.

You stop in your tracks once you’ve spotted him, but don’t take your eyes away from his form, afraid that his presence is only a fiction of your tired imagination. It’s only when his attention is ripped from the frames and directed towards you, that your legs seem to gravitate without option towards him. There’s a mixture of emotions blending with the champagne in your system that makes your breath ragged and your skin hot despite the cold air invading the large room.

Your steps are cautious and after what feels like eternal seconds of anguish, you’re standing by his side, the heat radiating from his body matching your own.

“Hey…” He breathes out.

“Uh… hi.”

“I-uh- I know you’re supposed to get, like, flowers for actors and stuff but… didn’t know what to get for artists…” He speaks while lifting up the bouquet of what you can now distinguish as red carnations, fresh and full ones that make your heart grow too big inside your chest.

You nod your head slowly to acknowledge them but don’t speak, afraid the little control you have left will evaporate into thin air with your words, the sight of his soft baby blues already have you like a fly to a Venus.

“This is…” His eyes fall back to the wall, scanning over the frames in awe as you fidget with your fingers by your sides. “..a-amazing.” Then he takes a closer look at the bottom painting, brows slightly creased. “You… painted me?” He asks surprised

You shrug and point to one of the smaller frames. “I also painted The Beef on fire…”

“I almost did set The Beef on fire-” 

“What?”

“-O-on accident.”

You sigh out the heavy breath trapped in your chest, shoulders slouched in defeat. “Carmy…” His name feels at home over your lips, sweet honey suckles coating each syllable.

“I know, I really suck at this, just… gimme a sec-” He scratches the ghost of an itch over his forehead, more out of habit as he scrunches his eyes shut and searches his brain for the words that have been circling inside since last night.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you- and it was a complete dick move to react like that when all you did was try to tell me something important. I’m sorry for… everything. For thinking that you were only with me cause Mickey- for never calling you back to try and fix things…”

You tear your eyes away from his wounded ones, only to direct them to the similar expression harbored by your creation.

“I thought that… if I stayed away long enough, then maybe you’d notice how fucked I was a-and not want anything to do with me anymore.” He plays with his hand to try and calm the nerves, cracking his knuckles multiple times until the little bubbles won’t budge anymore. “I wanted to, though… call you.”

His soft confession slowly turns the tap on your barely contained feelings and you find yourself staring his way with hopeful eyes.

“Every time I was home I- I had to hold in my breath cause just the smell reminded me of you, and when I saw you in the restaurant I thought I had finally lost my shit” Carmy laughs softly under his breath. “And when you left-”

He swallows the knotted sensation blocking his throat and you take his pause to sniff back and swallow your own batch of tears.

“I tried to let go of it, to forget and just let you go- I really did Fox- but all that’s been running through my head since then is how good it felt to hear you say you love me-” He takes a decisive step towards you, palms growing sweaty under the cellophane wrap. “-and how much I want to hear it over and over and over again- but… just from you.”

Your sight of him grows blurry again past the tears that you thought dry,  coating your eyes.

“I didn’t know how to tell you before but I’ve been going to therapy. It’s al-anon family, for-uh- a couple sessions now… around three months.” He notices your expression is more confused than before and mentally cringes at his lack of communication skills. “It’s helped out a lot. You had nothing to do with what Mickey did, it’s a really fuckin’ awful coincidence, I get it now. But I’m glad he was there to stop you- to save you- cause I don’t know what I’d do with myself if you weren’t here, Fox.”

And there it was, the second you felt your heart stop and any trace of oxygen leave your body, a feeling only he could ever give you. Your lips tremble slightly with the tears in your eyes and you pull your bottom lip under your teeth to stop its shaking. He takes another step, then another, until your chests are so close, you’re both only a deep breath away from sealing the space.

“I searched half the city cause I wanted to get you Carnations…” He mumbles, raising up the bouquet in your direction a second time. “I know they were your-”

“-Grandmother’s favorite” You speak in unison and chuckle. “...yeah” 

This time you don’t reject his approach, wrapping a hand around the base, fingers lingering over his for a few moments. Your gaze stays glued on the ruffled rouge petals, a soft smile curving ever so slowly at the ends of your lips.

“Whatever happens, I want to be by your side when it does. As a friend or-or more- if you’ll still have me…”

Beat. Exhale. Beat. Inhale.

It’s soft and tender and calm. The way your heart at last feels at rest. Like it had worked in overdrive all this time to keep you alive for this precise moment and can now take a step back in relief. A hue of sapphire invades your surroundings, drowning the walls and bystanders in what you’ve baptized as a ‘Carmy shade of blue’. Incomparable and unique to the man bathing you in his loving stare. 

Your body reacts before your mind, losing the last bit of self control under the gentle waves, with arms circling his shoulders like a raft. It’s as if you can breathe again, nose clear, lungs full and head above the water; and you know very well that damned is the person that deposits all their stability on to another but you don’t seem to care. Not when the arms pressing you tightly to his sturdy chest feel like coming home.

“I missed you.” You whisper against the dip of his neck, nose nuzzled into the wild strands.

“Me too.” He sniffs to pull back the joyous tears. “I meant it Fox, I really do fuckin’ love you-” Empty hands cup your cheeks and tilt your head up to press your lips to his.

You don’t try to hold back the grin the awaited kiss brings you, instead sliding your hand to his chest and gripping around his uniform to pull him impossibly closer. A pleased sigh escapes your chest when he pulls back and presses his forehead over yours.

“I love you too, Bear.” Is all you can say.

The bustle of your surroundings grows quiet in deaf ears, silenced by Carmen’s steady breath and the resting beat in your chest.

“Alright Van Gogh, let's see what you got- holy shit…”

You can hear Richie’s voice around the corner before you even see him and take a step away from Carmy, he still keeps his arm around your waist to hold you close once his cousin joins you in front of the frames. 

“This you?” He gawks pointing towards the wall. You nod. “Damn. Badass…”

It’s the most quiet you’ve seen him since you met the man, he’s just standing still while absorbing every detail in great concentration.

“So anyway, you two fuckin' again or what?” He turns to you after a few little seconds of silence. 

“Jesus, Cousin! Why you gotta go make everythin’ weird-”

“I had to ask just in case I fucked up again-” They start talking over each other as you just stand there and smile at the banter. “Sorry sweetheart, you and I wouldn’t have worked out anyway…” Richie directs towards you.

“I am truly shattered.” You respond, hand sarcastically over your heart. 

“Yeah, yeah…” He groans. “Listen cuz, some rich guy’s asking if we do weddings and shit. You go talk to ‘em, I didn’t know what to say since we're closin’ and all that, plus rich people give me hives-”

“Wait, you're closing the restaurant?” You ask up at Carmy in confusion.

“Renovating-” He blurts out.

“Didn’t he tell you ‘bout the money?-” The taller of the two throws your way.

“Money?- The fuck did I miss…”

“It’s kind of a long story…” His grip on your waist pulls you in closer. “Tell you at home… yeah?”

You can’t say no to the way his eyes glow under the fluorescents, though it seems something more shines behind them than just the brightness in the room. You bite down on your lip with a smile and only speak a soft ‘okay’ with a kiss to the corner of his lips. Richie groans again from a few steps away, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes, though deep down he knows he feels relief that his cousin won’t be so alone anymore.

You stay in each other's line of sight for the rest of the night. While he helps out plating the canapes, Carmy sneaks a couple peeks in your direction. Seeing you move freely through the space with a new found delight while speaking to some of the guests brings a peace to his chest that he had been afraid to never feel again. You catch his stares each time and share a complicit smile with every one of them. It’s subtle, just for him- a loving message delivered in a crowded room- ‘i love you’s scribbled in little notes and slipped across the desk in silence. 

The room started to die down around 11. You had bribed Nico with the promise of food if he gave you some drinks that the team gladly took once they were done carrying everything back into the van.

The gravel in the back alley of the gallery groans under everyone’s  tired feet, but in spite of that, there’s a jovial spark in the cold breeze around them. Crates and long empty coolers serve as makeshift seats for the family huddled together. You and Carmy sit on the edge of the van, doors open wide and with a drink in the hand that isn’t holding the others’ while everyone debriefs their day. 

“Dude I swear if one more person asked me for some gluten free, keto, low calorie bull crap I was gonna lose my shit.” Tina groans before taking a swig off her drink.

“Yeah, I heard you saying ‘No hablo ingles’ halfway through the night.” Sweeps jokes, earning a sincere laugh from the group.

“Hey too bad your work didn’t sell.” Syd says in your direction. 

“No one bid on ‘em?”

“Dunno-” You shrug, leaning into Carmy’s side with his arm around you, feet swinging peacefully and heels fully abandoned by the door. “Marge told me there was no way they could know who won cause they couldn’t find the bidding sheet.”

“Tough luck…” Richie mumbles from his own seat. “They were pretty sick, kid.”

“Thanks… It’s not that bad really, she let me take ‘em home. Maybe it can be an early opening gift for your new place…” You turn to Carmy, who holds a loving smile to you and nods warmly.

“What’re we gonna call it, anyway?” Marcus asks after a couple minutes when the conversation broke down into smaller ones.

“Oh, we already got a name.” The man by your side answers.

“We do?”

“Yeah… ” He turns to you for a microsecond while his other hand scratches a phantom itch under his nose in nervousness. “It’s-uh, it’s The Bear.”

“The Bear..” Marcus repeats, swirling the words around in his mouth and smiling approvingly to the taste. “I like it. To The Bear.” He raises his glass in the center of the circle you’ve created and everyone follows suit.

Tonight, the midnight sky is bright with millions of stars and the unspoken promise that whatever happens, you will be by each other’s side when it does. 

So you scoot closer to the edge, toes grazing the cold gravel and lips pressed to Carmy’s beaming face as you all toast ‘to The Bear’.

Epilogue.

Taglist: @pearlstiare @teteminne, @beebslebobs, @harrysmatcha, @yum-yahgurt, @pussy-f41ry, @kirakombat and that’s it lmao

[chaosromanoff]

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk (Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader)

Summary: You and Wanda are best friends, but you want to be more than that even though Wanda is oblivious about your feelings for her. Surprisingly, things go out of hand when, at a party, Wanda starts drinking a litte too much...

A/N: English is not my first language, sorry for the mistakes you could (and will) find in this one-shot.

Warnings: Maybe a little bit of swearing, mentions of drinking/being drunk, Tony being an idiot but in a cool way. This is mainly fluff tho. Enjoy :)

You knew Wanda was the one for you ever since you exchanged words, that moment you felt a connection with her and it was almost love at first sight, but you knew she didn't feel the same for you.

She was always talking about Vision. How cute and adorable he was, how he treats her like a princess... You've heard anything but good things about the android, and you were a little jealous because that's the way you have treated Wanda as well.

"That stupid toaster." You mumbled. Natasha, who was one of your closest friends, just laughed at your words while trying to cheer you up.

"We all know you're better than him."

"Well, he was created to be perfect. I'm just a girl who's in love with her best friend." You said. Natasha could hear the sadness on your voice and she hugged you.

"You should tell Wanda." She said. "She needs to know."

"I don't want to ruin our friendship, Nat. I can handle the pain of her being with someone else. But if she leaves..."

"Wanda would never leave you, Y/n. I know she loves you."

"As a friend." You assured.

"Whatever, she loves you. And I know she wouldn't like to see you in pain because of her."

"I'm happy if she is."

"Yeah, sure, that's why you came crying to my room while saying "The fucking toaster is taking her away from me." At 3AM, may I add."

"I came here to get some comfort, not to get exposed." You said trying not to laugh.

"Think about what I told you, ok? Wanda needs to know about your feelings."

You just nodded and went to your room, since you've been on Nat's room all morning. You haven't even eat breakfast and you noticed you were hungry when your stomach started to make weird noises.

"Man, come on." You complained but started walking to the kitchen. "Hope there's something good in here."

"Well, if I count as something good, then sure." The voice of your best friend made you smile and blush at the same time. "Just kidding, I made some pancakes. I was trying to find you but I didn't know where you were."

"Oh, I slept in Nat's room."

Wanda arched her eyebrows at your words. Something you didn't see because you were reheating your breakfast.

"You two are close, aren't you?"

"Well yes, she's been a good friend since I arrived."

Wanda just nodded at your words, feeling a little bit mad about them. She wasn't used to you being with someone else, you were always with Wanda, almost 24/7.

Obviously, she knew you were friends with Bucky, Steve, Tony and Nat, but she never noticed how close you were to the redhead before that day.

Wanda left the kitchen and you found it weird because she didn't say anything to you. You just ate your breakfast and went straight to your room to get ready for another infamous party. Of course, Tony planned that.

At exactly 9:30 pm, you left your room wearing a not-too-short red dress that hugged your body perfectly. When Natasha saw you, she gave you a compliment about your attire.

"Look at you! You look beautiful, Y/N!"

"Thank you, Nat." You smiled at her and you both intertwined your arms. "Should we get going?"

The redhead nodded and you went to the last floor of the Stark Tower. There was a lot of peope in there, most of them were dancing, other few were drinking and talking, and tere was Steve, who wasn't even drinking.

"Hey, old man." You greeted and he rolled his eyes smiling. "Come with us, take a drink."

"I'm waiting for Bucky." He explained. "He was supposed to be here like twenty minutes ago."

"He probably fell asleep." Nat said and both you and Steve laughed. "Why don't you go and look for him?"

"I will. I'll be back in a few minutes." Steve said and walked to the elevator. You follwed him with your eyes and that's when you saw her.

Wanda was with Vision and Tony, who was joking about them for being an unusual couple. Wanda never spoke a word, she was just smiling uncomfortably and drinking her cocktail.

"Are you gonna save your princess from the monsters?" Natasha asked you softly, smirking teasingly.

"I don't know if I should. I think she's mad at me."

"Why?"

"I told her I spent the night on your room, she got angry because she thought I replaced her."

"Sounds like she was jealous."

"On a friendly wa-"

"Y/n, you should stop with that or I'm gonna punch you on the face." She interrupted you. "Wanda likes you as much as you like her. Haven't you noticed the way she looks at you?"

"You're lying." Natasha rolled her eyes but didn't said anything. You forced yourself not to go after Wanda, but Nat took your hand and walked you to your best friend, Vision and Tony.

"Good night, lady and gentlemen." The redhead greeted, Wanda's eyes focused on you for a moment before turning her attention to your and Natasha's hand.

"It's nice to see you, ms. Romanoff and ms. Y/l/n." Vision answered.

"Hey, Romanoff." Tony smiled. "So is this place full of couples now? Seriously, first Capsicle and the other fossil, then Vision and witchy and now... the spy and the wonder-kid. Isn't this adorable?"

"It isn't." Wanda quietly mumbled before drinking all of her remaining cocktail. Stark and Vision didn't hear her, and Natasha pretended she didn't hear it.

"We're not really dating." You said to Tony.

"Really? Because someone told me you have spent nights on Romanoff's bedroom."

"We're just frie-"

"Trying to figure it out what happens." Nat interrupted you while wikning at you. She kissed your temple before whispering on your ear. "Trust me."

You nodded and you noticed how angry Wanda looked right now, like she was about to kick the hell out of Natasha.

"I need another drink." Your best friend said and ran away to the bar.

"Well girls and Vision, I need to go, Pepper just arrived. Have fun and congratulations to the new couple." You all smiled before you turned your eyes to Natasha.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Like I said, trust me, and trust the process. You'll thank me later."

Thankfully, Vision had left a few seconds ago, so he didn't hear your conversation with Nat. But your beloved brunette best friend was watching you from afar.

Her insides were burning up. She didn't like how close Natasha was from you. How her left arm hugged you by your waist. How her lips kissed your cheek. How you smiled and blushed at her actions.

That was supposed to be her instead, not Natasha.

Time passed by, Wanda never stopped drinking and Vision never left her side, talking to her about probably nothing important since she wasn't paying attention.

Thankfully to Wanda, Tony arrived again and took Vision off her side. Wanda's head was spinning, she was dizzy and the fury in her veins was present again when she saw you dancing with Natasha.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna kiss you." You said to Natasha.

"I didn't want that anyways." Nat playfully rolled her eyes and you laughed.

"I'm so thirsty. Do you want a drink?"

"I'm fine, go and drink something."

You left the dance floor and approached to the bar, you ordered a cocktail and waited next to Wanda.

"Hey, Wands! Are you having a good time?"

"Not when I see you that close with Romanoff." She answered.

"What?"

"You heard me. I don't like when you're with her because you should be with me instead."

You blushed hard at her words, her green eyes never left yours. She meant it.

"Wanda..."

"I'm serious, Y/n." She said. "I know we've been friends for a long time now, but... I like you more than that." She was clearly drunk, but you couldn't help to feel happy at her words. "I wanted to forget about my feelings, but I can't now. Not when someone else is taking you away from me."

"Natasha is not really-"

She interrupted you but not with words, her arms circled your waist and you could feel her hot breath on your neck, making you silent in that very moment.

"Don't leave." She said silently. You rubbed her back and she snuggled closer to you. "I like it when you're close to me, when you hug me and when you brush my hair with your fingers." She confessed. "Stay here, please don't leave me"

"I won't, I promise." You assured. "You have been drinking all night, right? Let's get you out of here."

Wanda just nodded and followed you to her room. You took her dress off and helped her to get dressed with an oversized t-shirt. You were about to leave to your own bedroom but Wanda stopped you.

"Would you... sleep with me?"

"Sure." You smiled at her and cuddled her until she fell asleep. You went to your bedroom and changed your clothes before going back to Wanda's room again. But when you were a few steps away from Wanda's door, Natasha stopped you.

"Is everything ok?" You asked.

"That's what I should ask you, but since you're going to Wanda's room, I can say everything is more than fine" She said while arching her eyebrows.

"Don't be a prervert, you idiot." You rolled your eyes and Natasha laughed. "She said she likes me."

"I told you!"

"Yeah, but she's drunk. Probably just said that because she has been drinking all night."

"Stop being so pessimistic, dammit! Haven't you heard that drunk people always say the truth?" Natasha almost shouted. "Now go with your girl and have a talk about your feelings."

You entered Wanda's room and noticed she woke up, she stretched her arm trying to reach for you and you got close to her.

"What's wrong, sweetheart? I thought you were asleep." You mumbled.

"I was just waiting for you. Would you come here now?"

You nodded and her arms surrounded your body when you entered her bed and kept you close to her. Your faces just a couple of inches apart from each other, you could appreciate her features and you thought you couldn't be more in love with her.

"Are you gonna kiss me?"

"You're drunk." You simply said.

"I'll wait until tomorrow then."

"Sure, then. Goodnight." You answered, thinking she would forget about it in the morning.

But she didn't.

That's what you thought when you woke up to big green eyes looking at you. Wanda's hand cupped your cheek and she brushed your soft skin with your thumb.

"i'm sorry for yesterday." You almost heard how your heart broke into a million pieces.

"Don't worry. We all say stupid things when we're drunk." Wanda smirked, knowing she messed up.

"I think you're not understanding." She said. "I'm sorry that I had to be drunk to say that I like you, and I wasn't that drunk honestly." She confessed. "But I had to tell you I like you while I was sobber. But seeing you with Natasha..."

"We're not dating." You told her almost automatically, she laughed at that reaction.

"I know, I see the way you look at me." She said. "Sorry I hurt you, I just didn't know how to act to this... feeling inside me. And you don't have to forgive me just now, let me-"

"Hey, it's fine, Wanda. You just made me the happiest girl alive in this very moment." You smiled at her and brushed her hair with your fingers. "But don't do it again."

"I won't"

You both got up and you went to your room to get ready for the day. When you finished, you walked to the kitchen to cook some breakfast but noticed Wanda was just there, cooking something that smelled delicious.

"Smells good." You said approaching to her.

"It's a traditional Sokovian breakfast, you'll love it." Wanda said smilingly. "By the way, I think forgot something."

"Salt?" Wanda laughed at your question and she approached to you, her arms surrounded your neck and pulled you closer to her face.

"No, it's something sweeter."

"How do you know that?" You asked her hugging Wanda by her waist.

"I don't. I want to prove if my theory is right." She said looking at your lips and you did the same to hers.

"What are you waiting for?"

The moment you finished asking that question, Wanda's lips crashed on yours and you felt in heaven. Her lips were soft, warm and the sensation was better than you always thought.

"Yeah, you're definetly sweet." She said when the kiss ended, and you couldn't help but smile and kiss her again.

"She certainly likes you as a friend, Y/N!" You heard Natasha's sarcastic voice behind you and you just flipped her while still kissing Wanda, making both of them laugh at your action.

hope you enjoyed it! <3

[athena-swords]

🌼🌼 PICK A CARD 🌼 🌼

Disclaimer : don't come to me if it doesn't resonate I am just chanelling ok and those who don't have autumn just take September and October month

🍂 The Upcoming Autumn for you 🍂

Here are your piles

Pile 1. Pile 2

Pile 3. Pile 4

Pile 1

Hii pile 1 hope so your 2023 is going good let's see what is happening for you this autumn.

if you are away from your people you gonna met them again and lemme tell you it's gonna be a bash

I am seeing a ending perhaps something you thought will end in a beautiful thing didn't ended like you were expecting

Lots of amusement park or fair or just new energy be ready for crazy companies

you will be making or planning to make a long time investment probably related to your career (think and think carefully before any decision)

Windfall money and unexpected coming projects or just your plate being full

Song chanelled: October,what makes you beautiful and O O Janne jana.

Pile 2

hii pile 2 let's hope you all love the fall season as much as I do now let's get into your reading.

Well you could get to know that someone you considered as close friend or fam has been going behind your back and saying not so nice stuff about you.

You could have been seeing many red flags in a group but we're not leaving so your guides showed you their real self in a harsh way

You could feel fatigue or just down this season(seems like your guys are not a fan of it haa).But don't worry there will be some good news for you

you guys should definitely go check pile 1 you will find some messages for you in there.

the advice for you is that go out and keep a balance don't expect situations to magically work for you gotta show some efforts honey

Songs chanelled:Allah maaf kare, strawberries and cigarettes, team by lorid

Pile 3

Hii pile 3 hope so you are looking up to yourself ,enjoying the days let's look what you have for yourself in autumn yaa

lol did you get your hands on a book you wanted to read for a long time I see you will make a very cosy space for you .

And procastinate in there and will end up doing all the work in deadline dates as please do little bit and don't pile them up

Could go for hiking or just mountains or you could even live there but for some reason I saw snowfall(do you wanna see it once)

Lots of planning and analysis about something all over you somehow will want to feel productive,you will introspect about all the stuff you have been doing and want to do

You could have a new crush or neighbours too....ok byyy hope you liked your reading

Songs chanelled:te amo ,tere hone laga hoon,cruel summer

Pile 4

Hii pile 4 whats happening my babies all of you are going through some shit anyways let's look into it yaa

You all may be going through some kind of rejection and you may have been feeling that now all of your plans are kind of no use??

Anyways the good news is there are other options which are better abd available to you so don't be so much into the grief that you ignore those ones

There might be some old friend or family trying to conntect you again

You could get some clarity on something you have been confused about for a long time

I see that you will work on more of your masculine energy and will take the room

Just a small advice to not over work yourself and trust people who you know wants your well-being

Songs chanelled:Aao Milo chalo,snap,Leyla.

Okay so take this as my comeback pack I would try to not just ghost every platform love you all alot please enjoy every day🕊️🕊️✨✨

Har Har Mahadev

[the-slythering-raven]

Tere bina

Fandom: Cricket RPF

Characters: Shubman Gill, Ishan Kishan, Shahneel Gill, Mentions of other Gill family members, Cameo by Rohit Sharma

Genre/Tags: Sickfic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Indian Cricket Team

Warnings: Descriptions of illness and vomiting

Summary: A delirious Shubman with very high fever calls Ishan when the team is in Delhi for their match against Afghanistan and babbles in punjabi thinking it to be his didi on the line

Notes: Many many thanks to @ispeakmorelanguagesthanyou for encouraging my randomest ideas and also for beta reading, and to @textrovert-01 for helping me with the Punjabi parts, this fic would not have been possible without both of your love 🥰

Enjoy, and please let me know how y’all like it :)

Shubman curled up morosely in the covers. The team had left for Delhi, and Ishan had gone with them, leaving an aching void inside him. Logically he knew that they'll meet again, but at that point he felt like crying.

Reaching his hand out to the adjacent bed, Shubman grabbed the blanket from Ishan’s bed and held it close to his nose, hoping to breathe in the scent of Ishan's perfume, gagging as the scent of the hotel laundry detergent hit his already over sensitive nose. He grabbed onto the bucket kept at the side and dry heaved over it several times, unable to bring up much but strings of saliva, his abdominal muscles crying at the intensity of the heaves. God how he wished Ishan was there. Ishan would have rubbed his aching back in soothing circles and whispered soft reassurances to him just like his Ma used to do when he got sick as a child. His eyes burned with tears as he remembered the warmth. He missed her so much.

After several more minutes of dry heaving, he straightened up as the nausea passed, and fell back onto the bed feeling absolutely drained. He grabbed his phone, seeking to mindlessly scroll through social media for a while, hoping to distract himself.

The edits of Ishan and himself on Instagram only made him miss Ishan more, tears trickling down his eyes as he remembered those moments. He had been so happy during those, blissfully unaware of their pictures being clicked. He cried silently, feeling all alone and lonely in the cold hotel room. He missed everyone so much, his dada, dadi, mumma, papa, didi, Ishan, everyone on the team, but didn't want to worry them any more.

As if on autopilot, he opened his call log and hit the first contact, his Di. The one who had tolerated him crying and whining all afternoon after the one time one of his petty squabbles with Ishan had got too personal and they had both angrily decided “never to talk to each other again”. Of course they had both cried to each other and made up the same evening, but the fact remains that he did so only because Di had told him to, because that's how well she knew him.

*

The sound of his phone ringing woke Ishan from his sleep, and he squinted against the glare of the screen to look carefully at the caller. He winced when he saw it was Shubman who had been calling him, because he knew he had to be feeling really horrible to give up and call him, after being determined to toughen it out by himself.

Heart beating faster than a rabbit, Ishan swiped across the screen to pick the call. He hoped it wasn't anything too bad.

“Hey Didi” Shubh whispered exhaustedly, his Punjabi accent completely unmasked.

Ishan winced. Shubh really had no clue that he had called the wrong person, and seemed way too out of it to even realize.

“Tussi ki kar rahe ho?” (What’re you doing?) Shubh asked in Punjabi. Ishan’s heart broke at the vulnerability in his voice, and he debated whether to let him know that he had called the wrong person. Rohit bhaiya raised a concerned eyebrow from the opposite end of the room they were sharing, and Ishan mouthed the matter to him, looking at him desperately for an answer.

“Didi, ki tussi mere toh naraz ho ke mei tuhanu kal phone ni kitta? Sorry behn mei so gya si.” (Didi? Are you mad at me that I didn’t call you yesterday? I’m so sorry, I’d fallen asleep)

Ishan’s heart shattered at how heartbroken Shubh sounded. He had seen it several times firsthand how emotional Shubh got when he was sick, and how prone he was to overthinking the littlest things. But should he break the news that he had called the wrong person? A head shake from Rohit bhaiya told him “No”, and Ishan agreed. No need to make him panic more than he already is, Ishan reckoned.

"Bilkul ni pagal , mere tere son krke tere to naraz kyo howangi jadke mei hi tenu zyada son layi keha si ?"(Of course not, you idiot, I wouldn't get mad at you for sleeping when I was the one who asked you to sleep more? ) Ishan replied back in Punjabi, trying to replicate Shahneel Di’s way of speaking.

That seemed to satisfy Shuh, who hummed and sniffled on the other side.

“Ki hoyea Subhi? Das menu”(What happened, Shubhi? Tell me.)

“Kuch ni, bs sabdi bohot yaad ari si, khaas karke ma di, ohnanu keho ke meri zyada chinta na karan thik he?” (Nothing… I just miss everyone so much.. Especially Ma.. Tell her not to worry too much about me though, alright?”)

Ishan sighed. He was sure Aunty was worried like anything, and she definitely had reason to worry as well, given how Shubh was so delirious he could not even recognise the fact that he was not actually talking to his Didi..but he did have a point though, Aunty did tend to worry a lot behind her always smiling persona, and she also had problems with her blood pressure, and she'd probably worry herself sick if she knew exactly how terrible her son's condition is.

“Thik he, par tu ohnanu phone zrur kar lai, oho kaafi chinta krde ne.”(Alright. But you make sure to call her, okay? She's been really worried.)

“Oho bohot hi zyada chinta krdi hein, vese oh kr ki rahi hei?”(She worries too much…what's she doing anyway?)

Ishan cursed under his breath. Fuck, what Does aunty do at this time anyway? He had played along all this time, he just hoped this would not give him away.

Remembering something Shubh had told him ages ago about Aunty loving historical documentaries, Ishan answered as casually as he could.

“Oh koi etihasik documentary ja dekh rahi hei…” (Oh you know, watching some kind of historical documentary…) Ishan prayed desperately that Shubh wouldn't ask him to hand it over to Aunty, because then he'd be Screwed with a capital S.

Shubh hummed over the phone, apparently satisfied with the answer. Ishan breathed a sigh of relief, glad his cover had not been blown yet. However he was not sure how much longer he could keep this act up.

Shubman on the other hand, had fallen dangerously silent over the phone, and that worried Ishan. His worry grew tenfold when he heard what seemed like Shubh being sick over the line. Why weren't the nausea medications working, Ishan wondered for the nth time that week.

After a while, Ishan heard Shubh exhale shakily over the phone.

“Haye rabba jo kuj vi ho reha menu kuj acha ni lag reha..” (Oh God I hate this…) Shubh choked out, his voice cracking towards the end.

Ishan sat helplessly with the phone pressed to his ear. It broke his heart to hear his friend cry over the phone, and be unable to help him anyhow. How he wished he could be there by his side, comforting him when he needed it..

Shubman also seemed to reciprocate the same idea, because after a while Ishan heard him brokenly say “Menu Ishaan di vi bohot yaad aari he, kaash oh mere naal hunda” (I wish Ishan was there with me, y'know?..)

A pause. Ishan was starting to reconsider his decision of playing along when Shubh started speaking again.

“Mei onhu bohot yaad kar reha ha, Didi” (I miss him so much, Didi)

“Fer tu onhu phone kyu ni krda? Menu pura yakeen he oh bohot khush howega” (Why don't you call him, then? I'm sure he'd love to hear from you..” Ishan suggested, completely immersed in his character.

“Nahi, Di...bohot der ho gyi he is velle mei osnu pareshan ni krna chahunda. Kal oda match he, Onhu aram di bohot lor he. Jado da mei bimar hoye ha vichara thik naal soye hi nahi, adi raat nu jado mera bukhar vaad janda ta oh thandi pattiya karda, meri pith ragarda, jad mere lai bohot hunda ta oh mera sahara banda. Tohanu pta he di, ohda moda bohot hi sukoon dayak he..”(No, Di…it's late, I can't disturb him.. He has a match tomorrow, he needs to rest.. Poor dude has not slept properly since I got sick, y'know? Kept waking up to put cold cloths over my forehead when my fever got too high in the middle of the night, rubbing my back when I got sick, letting me cry over his shoulder when everything got too much… He has such a nice and comforting shoulder, y'know Di?)

Ishan smiled through the burning of his eyes. Shubh was so adorable when he rambled in Punjabi, completely oblivious of whether the other person was understanding or not. It melted his heart that Shubh had noticed everything, but also made him sad that he was being so hard on himself for that.

“Mei tohanu bohot yaad karda ha, didi. Papa te mummy nu keho menu ohna di bohot yaad aundi he. Par oh zyada pareshan na hon, ohna di tabiyat kharab ho jawegi.” (I miss you so much, Di..Tell papa and ma I miss them too, okay? And ask Ma not to worry so much, she'll get sick)

“Ha thik he. Tu vi hun son di koshish kr. Mei tenu jaldi milan awangi, thik he?” ( I will. Now you try to sleep, okay? I'll meet you soon, alright?” Ishan continued in his best Shahneel Di impression.

“Thik he, bohot sara pyaar tohanu didi..” (Okay.. love you, Didi..)

“Tenu vi bohot sara pyaar Shubhi, hun son di koshish kar thik he?”(Love you too, Shubhi. Now try to get some sleep, alright?)

“Han ji didi” (I will, Didi) Shubh replied, stifling a yawn. He felt absolutely drained, but atleast Di was there, and she didn't seem to mind listening to him.

“Papa te mummy nu vi mere vallo bohot saara pyaar dena, thik he?” (Tell Mumma and Papa I love them too, okay?)

“Han han zrur, chal theek he good night.” (Yeah, yeah, sure. Now goodnight.)

“Goodnight, Di”

Ishan cut the call, feeling a weird mix of drained and comforted. It felt wrong to provide false comfort, but false comfort was also comfort, right?

Rohit bhaiya dragged him to sleep, putting a stop to his spiraling thoughts. “So jao aur sone do,” (Sleep and let me sleep) he muttered sleepily, before turning over and going right back to sleep. Ishan smiled at the childishness that came out of a tired Rohit bhaiya before going back to sleep himself.

*

Meanwhile in a hotel in Chennai, Shubman slept like a log, his heart warm as he recalled memories of the good times with Ishan.

*

[hum-suffer]

10 minute pehle ke news ki tea spill karoooooo

Grab your seatbelts because this is a wild and offensive ride.

Context: my friend had a birthday today, let's call her Butterfly. Butterfly is Moon boy's bestie. Me and K (my bestie) became friends with Moon Boy ages ago but we befriended Butterfly only recently during our exams.

Aaj Butterfly ki birthday mein, body shaming girl put up a story wishing her which read,"Happy birthday [Moon Boy] ki bestie." I was furious at her since like last season and even previous episode. Aaj ka precap isme hi aa gaya tha.

Tea:

So me and Moon Boy went to get Butterfly a cake for her birthday to celebrate in college without telling anyone but K. We got the cake and came back, and Body Shaming girl, let's call her Chintu (yes it's her nickname idek why), her group was lowkey offended that we didn't involve them in Butterfly's birthday plan

Moon Boy, that bloody diplomat, knew. He lured them all in with the cake cutting promise and everyone gathered around Butterfly, whom I had not allowed to peek at the cake. We had forgotten to get matchsticks so he went off to find matchsticks to light candles. Meanwhile...

Another girl, whom I did like until she turned into an ass licker, started fiddling with the cake. Bringing it out of box, trying to rip open the box to see the cake. I was politely trying to get her to stop until she tried to open the box. I opened the box instead and then closed it instantly and put it out of her reach. I told her to stop hovering and sit down.

Seeing her ass licker get shoved aside, Chintu was mad. But she was about to be madder.

I'm name dropping this one because i detest him the most. MOST. Bhavya, this lanky oversmart buy with a chomu hairstyle and round glasses, dared to be oversmart.

One thing that everyone should know about me is that I'm fiercely defensive of each of my friends. I treasure them beyond reason. Even if they're new friends.

Bhavya said, and i quote,"Burn Butterfly and use her to light the candles."

I said,"Maybe we should use you, since Teri already jal Rahi hai."

He went bitter and replied,"Jal nahi Rahi hai thik hai? Mere time to cake bhi nhi thi."

"should have had better friends," i said, which must have also offended Chintu.

Bhavya went even more bitter and said,"Mere dost jo the vo tere aaj ke dost hi the. Tere Jo itne saare ladke dost hai na. Vohi." (Lies. I'm acquainted with some boys because I'm a nice person and like to maintain connections. The only male friend i have is Moon Boy.)

I knew what he was implying but Butterfly was already shaking her head. I laughed,"Their behaviour isn't my responsibility."

He was about to say something and Butterfly said to not do this on her birthday. I laughed and said okay, I won't. Butterfly looked at me gratefully and Moon Boy returned till then. He noticed the harsh environment but said nothing and i continued pretending that I didn't want to kill anyone.

Me and Moon Boy took over, shifted benches and made Butterfly sit down, got her the cake(she loved it btw), lit up the candle. Chintu and her ass licker started pretending to care and warning how one shouldn't keep fire near them and blah blah blah. Whilst standing right behind me. I didn't say anything.

As we sang happy birthday, Bhavya sang "Happy birthday [Butterfly] aaj tu mar jayegi". I wanted to hit him but i didnt. By the look on his face, Moon Boy knew my smile wasn't entirely genuine after we finished the birthday song. I pushed him off to be the first one to eat the cake since he's the closest in relation to her. I was clicking pictures with his phone and i heard them criticise even that right behind my back. (Sue me, idk how to operate iphones instantly).

Chintu said,"Maine bola tha ki haath mein rakh ke candle mat jao but sunte nhi hai na kuch log." Bhavya asked who and she replied that she'll tell later. (Can you BE anymore obvious???)

We ended up having fun. I sent off K after me and later I went myself to eat the cake. Took a tiny bite because I don't like sweets too much, and fed Butterfly a wafer chocolate roll. She ate half of it and I fed the rest half to K and Moon Boy respectively. I heard them speak about that as well.

I sat down on a free bench, since I had period cramps, and the sheer joy of being around people and celebrating on Butterfly made me keep my words quiet and it was enough to make me smile widely.

(They did not like that. Duhhhhhhhhhh)

After this, me and Butterfly and K discussed this whole interaction whilst Moon Boy, the darling diplomat, went around fulfilling his volunteer duty and social media manager duty by clicking photos and videos.

The university secretary of the abvp, he came near us to find Moon Boy but he couldn't so I kept him in conversation for almost an hour. Moon Boy returned, listened to the conversation and was tiredly sitting quietly. I and K went to fetch our respective buckles and water bottles from our vehicles and we stayed there talking to some acquaintances. Butterfly came with us too.

I spied Moon Boy drifting in the place and went to him but he had been roped in with Chintu's group so I told him where he'll find me and left, ignoring the rest of them.

Ting ting tadinggggggggg agla update, next kalesh ke baad🫶🏽 (also no one needs to go anon to ask for such tea my loves, I'm happy to provide always 🫶🏽)

[humapkehaikaun]

Zara si, dil Mai de jagaha tu, Zara sa apna le bana

Mein tere mein tere , kaadmon Mai rakh du yeah jahan mera ishq dewaangi ...

Magic happen when you don't give up even though you want to. The universe always falls in love with stubborn heart. The bad news is, people are crueler, meaner and more evil that you've ever imagined.

But it’s okay to dream of love being your biggest treasure; it’s okay to keep your hopes high to be loved as grandly in front of your eyes as it feels inside them. You know the day will make you revolve around reality, come steal a moment from a fairytale hidden in the dreams you hold for the night.

Ohh I'm falling in love again, oh I'm experiencing it again

It feels new to me, as if I've never been in love .. As if someone has healed my broken heart, first my days were just passing by but then you came into my life and you give me a fairy world which I always dream for.. You make heaven for me.

Loving you makes me feel alive, holding you is like holding a star from the sky..ahh this feeling! Promise me u'll never go away.

[ri47]

do you think meilin is an asuka

fair warning, this is a bit of an informal and silly answer to a silly question that inherently requires me to discuss my own intent a bit. I'll put it below a break, in case you want to preserve the intentional ambiguity of characterisation that Diesem Fernen Traum has going on

spoilers below the break, in addition to spiritual spoilers for what's going on in some heads

I don't really consider Meilin to be an Asuka, but that's more because Teres and Elyz are the characters who map most cleanly onto that sort of thing (and honestly Becket vir Gweir has some shades of her in him as well)

if I had to connect Meilin to any specific NGE character, I'd probably say she's closest to Misato, but even that's a bit stretch. Meilin is an absolute mess of a person whose load-bearing ego is about all that keeps her together. it only cracks through in her internal monologue sometimes, but Meilin isn't nearly as collected as she has to believe she is

I wouldn't want this to be mistaken for her being insecure, because her confidence is definitely real. this isn't like that

Meilin's sense of self-appreciation is deeply entangled in her outward expressions of love towards others. which is all to say that she sees performance as sincerity and, in thinking she's a gift to others, often comes off as being entirely self-serving when she gives her company to them

or in other words, Meilin is a bit of an inversion of how I usually write protagonists. she's not a bad person trying to speak in the vocabulary of nice people, but a sweet person who's only been given a vocabulary of authority and exploitation

you know how Misato kind of tries to be her dad, but better than her dad, but also still contains strands of that same vulnerable teenager she was before she tried to overwrite herself with that stronger person? Meilin is also trying to be her dad, and unfortunately for Meilin, her dad is the avatar of the human resources branch for the military industrial complex

for disclosure's sake I took a while answering this anon because you sent it right before the end of Rain Arc (chapters 1-6) and giving an honest answer before that would've been a bit of a spoiler lmao

[the-musical-cc]

A HANDY GUIDE TO KNOWING WHICH FRANKELDA ENGLISH DUB YOU ARE WATCHING BY SOMEONE WHO'S GONE THROUGH BOTH:

It's been brought to my attention that some, ahem, unofficial streaming sites have the old english dub done in what was likely a severe time crunch by a studio that... wasn't really prepared for the task back in 2021, rather than the new and improved one released at the beginning of this month, which results in people meeting excitement over the english version with puzzlement and even indignation having experienced the former rather than the latter.

Here's a few pointers to help you spot which one you're watching:

Titles. @figmentedjedi brought it up in a post already but the 2023 dub has Frankelda herself read it where the old one has Herneval do it.

2023 dub has inserts for anything shown in screen that is written in spanish and otherwise incomprehensible without translation, included the titles of the stories Frankelda reads.

New dub consistently and constantly misses loops and just leaves characters flapping without anything coming out. The best example to this is Nemo's counter during the Gnome's song, where he's very clearly singing but nothing can be heard.

This is where the whole 'Old dub didn't really have any involvement or even revision of the Ambriz Brothers' comes in stronger but you know how the show's title is 'Frankelda's Book of Spooks'? Well, there they call the creatures in her stories 'Scares' for reasons I still can't discern, my best guess is they didn't really have any quality control on board with the project. Long story short, if they say 'Scares', it's the old dub.

If El Coco calls himself 'Boogaboo' and is autotuned AF in his song, you're watching the old dub. New dub has him introducing himself with both El Coco and The Boogeyman and has the same voice actor that voiced him in spanish doing the song. Trust me, it's night and day.

I feel kinda bad about pointing this out because I still insist the actors in the old dub seem to me to have been doing the best they could with what they'd been handed and this seems to have been completely on the production... but the english in the old one is rather clumsy. To be clear, in order to translate from spanish to english, you are often better off pretty much rewriting the sentence AFTER having understood it in it's entirety because the grammar and even the sentence structure can be vastly different between one another, so translating literally and word by word often results in complete nonsense or at least very, very awkward wording both from english to spanish and viceversa. This wasn't done here and it results in a lot of times where understanding what was said takes you a bit because the structure of the sentence was all wonky.

That aside, grammar as a whole wasn't as thoroughly consulted as it could have been. So there's quite a bit of fumbles. The ones I remember the most is the Mermaid saying 'All these innocent childs' and Nemo saying 'Chores' instead of 'Homework' (Tarea can both mean homework and stuff you do around the house so that was probably where they got confused) The new dub is a lot more competent in this aspect.

This one's more of a nitpick I guess but in the old dub they have no idea whatsoever of how to pronounce some of the kids' names. Tere becomes Terry, Uli becomes Julie.

They also call Pan de Muerto 'Bread of the Dead', which... it's not that it's bad but who even calls it that? We don't call Croissants 'Crescent moons' so I see no reason to, and if you have no idea what Pan de Muerto is, that name makes it sound unpleasantly like something made FROM dead people. 'Day of the dead bread', which is used in the new dub is not only clearer to what it IS, something that is consumed in the Day of the Dead, but they use it alongside the original name because that IS its name. I never understand when dubs want to completely erase the cultural identity of what they are representing, and they did a wonderful job going around that in the 2023 dub where the old one even calls them 'Breadrolls' at one point.

This is where I insist the actors at least had some idea of what they were doing for the most part but the old dub adds some reactions that were never there for the original latam track and weren't put in the new one either.

Both Totolina and Francisca's grandma in the old dub sound like they're trying for a really posh british accent (Which is hilarious in context, as it was Francisca's DAD who came from... I wanna say Cornwall as it seems more likely given the time period and provided lore, but her mother's side of the family are locals to Hidalgo.) where the new dub has a very neutral english. She is also voiced by Debra Wilson, and particularly 'You can transform', the witches' song, takes full advantage of her range and energy.

This one's even a little bit obvious but the new dub was released with a visual remaster, making it so the old dub is only available with the old visuals. The newer one is, then, only available with the remaster. Here's a couple of pics for comparison of one of the moments where it's the most evident.

Pre-Remaster:

Post-Remaster.

Finally (And this should make it a lot easier.) the songs are wildly different between one version and another, and you can reference what the new dub versions are easily because they've been posted both on Spotify and Youtube under the Water Tower Music account and the Frankelda's Book of Spooks topic. If the songs don't have those lyrics, then you're watching the old dub, simple as that.

Hope this helps and happy watching! Do watch the original with subs if it's at all possible because, I insist, it's amazing.

[euph0synee]

"would it be selfish of me to say that our time together was way too little for how long i had to wait for you?", she asked as she sat on floor grabbing his feet with both her hands placing them in her lap while he sat on the beautiful swing decorated with various flowers with her head lying on his lap. his hand slowly ran through her soft hair.

"no it's not selfish at all", he said softly.

"i am glad", she said as tears fell down her eyes onto his lap.

both of them sat in silence as the moon beautifully glowed lightening the dark night up.

"i don't want to be away from you. i wish i was rather a terrifying monster. a terrorising being so i could stay a little longer and see your face a little longer and even die by your hands", she said before moving her head off of his lap and looking at him as her hands grabbed his hands.

he looked down at her and smiled. a smile so painful that her heart crushed a thousands times more.

"i don't wish that at all. if you were a monster then it would've taken a lot longer for me to meet you, see you, love you and to kill you? how could you wish something like that hm? now wishing that is selfish of you.", he said softly with pain in his voice that was crushing her soul.

he slowly held her arms and brought her up closer to himself before setting her down beside him on the swing as he slowly placed his head on her chest and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"this closeness, how could you think of taking it away from me?", he looked up at her again before kissing her forehead, "this love, how could you think about taking this away from me?", he asked looking in her eyes.

she looked at him with tears falling down her eyes before looking away as her lips trembled in pain.

he once again rested his head on her chest. once again silence dawned upon both of them as they both sat together in arms of each other as of they were not two different people but one being.

soon she felt his body trembling and the sound of sobs reached her ears as she looked down to see tears falling down his eyes non-stop as his body trembled so much it felt as if he will break at any moment.

her hand wrapped around his waist as the other hand slowly held the back of his head, "it's painful to see you cry", she says as tears once again fill her eyes.

"how do you think i feel seeing you cry?", he questioned looking up at her with tears all over his face.

she looked at him before tightly hugging him, so tightly as if she was scared he would disappear right now in front of her eyes.

however, they both knew that the one disappearing was not him.

//i don't know what is this HELP. I AM SO BAD AT WRITING ROMANCE 😭 ANYWAYS ENJOY WHATEVER THIS IS.

[soraeia]

Family.

[The evening after the abduction of Princess Allisae and her children, aboard royal Namodian airship heading westward for home.]

Yukaine looked on as the Aegis grew smaller and smaller in the distance, until the very image of it could fit in his palm. Enough to crush it, and all the secrets and misery it's held. He was certain speaking to his grandfather in the matter, wasn't the wisest choice, but he was through with forcing the pleasantries and politeness. Tere was no reason for it, anymore. That, and....he was too frustrated to just keep on smiling any longer.

"...I'm going to look for Tahariel." There were a few locations, he remembers, that he'd gone to to meet with Tahariel in the past. Safe and neutral locations or hideaways that the Ahnian had in place likely for coup operations. The question is, which one did Tahariel bring all of them to?

"Is that safe?"

"Tahariel wouldn't hurt me." At least Yukaine was hoping he wouldn't, at this stage in the curse. But he cared little for the danger to himself; he needed to figure out how to get his mother and siblings away from Tahariel. Without a fight. Without the struggle of constantly having to fend him away.

"You have your coronation."

"I--" Right, he was a king. There was so much more he could do. He had power. And, from what he could recall of past conversations with the man he would have once called father, the cursed Tahariel wanted claim over Ahnia. What could be more intriguing to him than the aid of a nation like Namodia? "...I need your help---you permission."

".....For?"

Yukaine placed a hand on Hatius' shoulder. "...I need to bargain with him for my family. Right now, as he is, there's little he values more than getting an advantage for his goals. He wants Ahnia's throne. With your permission, I want to offer him Namodia's support and---"

"No."

".....What...?"

"Yukaine, are you mad? Backing Tahariel's claim means openly opposing Lierik and Kalliah. That means painting a target right on our backs if the coup festers into war. And we do not. Need. War."

"Hatius..." Yukaine pulled his hand back, looking almost broken. "...this is my family."

"And the goal was to see them free of the Aegis, no? That's what they are."

"But with how far gone Tahariel's curse is, I can't trust---"

"Did I make a mistake in trusting you?" Hatius turned to face his brother, fully. The whites of his eyes darkening to a pale red as his nose wrinkled in a grimace. "I did not make you king so Namodia can become collateral for the absolute dysfunction in your family."

"What can we do as kings if we can't even save our own families!?"

"Family is not everything. Family can fail you. I thought we have both learned that. What is always constant are the countries that need a proper ruler to see it thrive. To see it survive. Your mother is kind, but I am not risking the well-being of my nation for a woman I met yesterday. Especially not the one responsible for my father's downfall."

"................."

At the abrupt silence...the sudden look in Yukaine's eyes, like a predator about to tear our the throat of its prey, Hatius only stared back with quiet indifference. A part of him wishes he could take back the last bit he said, but there was no changing what Yukaine heard.

"....You and I both know your father brought what he did down on himself. If it hadn't been you who killed him, then it would have been me. Perhaps it should have been that way."

[coramills]

MADRE SOLO HAY DOS SPOILERS

(otherwise known as just my thoughts on the third season). Don't read if you haven't watched it yet! :)

*******************

1. I, too, binged it while hiding from my family on Christmas.

2. Though in fact I only binged the Ana/ Mariana plotline and skipped over pretty much everything else.

3. What were the guys even doing? I don't know.

4. I liked how Ana became more involved in the LGBTQ community, learning about it and confronting her own stereotypes, but also learning about very real discrimination that had never affected her before.

5. I also liked the (brief) exploration of her sexuality and how she became super supportive of Ceci, because Ana finally understands that life is a journey.

6. However, to anyone saying that Ana is a lesbian now... do you not know how bisexuals or pansexuals work?? I'd call her queer, but not a lesbian because that's just not accurate.

7. My favourite scene was perhaps the one where Ana told Mariana about the book she wants to write one day (if anyone maybe wants to gif it?). Yes it was cheesy but it was also VERY GOOD.

8. I agree with previous opinions that Mariana's side of this story however was underdeveloped. There should have been some hints of her returning feelings for Ana and less Ferran.

9. Ferran was just randomly axed to make space for Ana, right? I mean, I'm not complaining.

10. Ana in love was very cute.

11. Ana and Mariana covering each other with blankets on separate occasions was also very cute.

12. Did anyone else notice that for the final scene, Mariana wore a necklace with a lock on it, and Ana one with a key??? Seems symbolic to me.

13. I wasn't a hundred percent sure if they were actually together at the end?? Because the way Mariana said "I love you too" and then that very brief kiss kinda felt ambiguous to me?

14. Anyways I guess they're in a long distance relationship now. But I still would have liked a clearer signal (and more kissing).

15. I don't mind that the final focus was on Tere and her baby because I actually think this entire family is a beautiful message. It's messy as hell but they all ended up where they wanted to be.

16. It's a suitable end in case this was the final season.

17. MSHD went where OUAT did not dare to go. Kudos for that.