#like i started this replay like a year ago and i’m still only at the start of book 2

[livvyofthelake]

i cannot believe i played all three high school story books romancing MICHAEL the first time. girl why did you do that caleb is sooooo much better omg it’s ridiculous actually

[glassartpeasants]

How to Love

Eustass Kid/Trafalgar Law x F!Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, semi-slow burn?, beginnings to chapters are hard </3

A/N: yeah here we are. just wanted to set a light on what the base plan is. Also, this takes place RIGHT after the prologue ends. hopefully, it's good for a first chapter.

~~~

Your heart beats harshly against your ribs as the events of only moments ago replay in your mind like a broken record. The images of the two most significant people in your world, your boyfriend and your best friend, betraying you, makes your head spin. It almost feels unreal, like a nightmare instead of reality.

But it wasn’t a dream. It was a harsh reality, a stark contrast to the life you thought you were living.

Instead of waking up next to your boyfriend, you find yourself in a disorienting place: your ex-best friend's ex-boyfriend's car. Random items you managed to grab scattered across the passenger side and on your lap. The smell of Eustass’s cologne, a scent that used to bring comfort, now only added to your heartbreak, still plaguing your nose.

“Thank you, Law. You really didn’t have to.” Despite being almost inaudible, Law still heard you like you were screaming. The tremble in your voice notifies him of his own inability to speak without breaking down.

“It’s fine. Thank you for telling me about (.....)-ya’s infidelity.” The fact you even told him in the first place shocked him. You had known (.....) for years, and she was your best friend, while you only had a class project with him. Given that it was a whole semester-long, you were willing to throw away a friendship just like that. 

“You're a good guy, Law. You don’t deserve to be cheated on. Whether we’re friends or strangers. I would have told you regardless. No one deserves such heartbreak.” Law can see tears slipping down your cheeks out of the corner of his eyes. The fact that you're trying to stay strong after being the one to discover the affair is admirable in a sense. It could also be that you didn’t want him to see you cry. The latter sounds more plausible.

“I'm glad I didn’t delete your number. It would have been awkward if I had tried to catch you at work.” A small, sad chuckle left your lips. The tension in the car was too much, and you needed something to keep your mind distracted so you didn’t start wailing in front of Law.

“That would have been a scene I’m grateful we avoided. I like to keep my private life and work life separate.” 

“I’m the same in a sense. I don’t tell my co-workers much except to recommend shows or movies. I know you're more of a book guy, but have you seen any shows or movies recently?”

“(.....)-ya made me watch a movie the other day. It was a horror movie.”

“Oh. Was it good?”

“No, it was terrible.” You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at Law's cold tone.

“Bad effects, or was it a storyline issue?”

“I could’ve made a better movie with a budget of two dollars.” Even though tears still fall from your eyes against your wishes, Law manages to make you laugh to ease the pain.

“Well, have you read any good books recently?”

“Haven’t had the time.” Law’s admission made your eyes furrow together. You know the medical field could be rough, but there wasn't enough time for him to read?

"The bookworm hasn't read recently? Are you sure you're the real Law?" A small smile tugs at the corner of Law’s lips as he listens to you talk, but even he can only hide the effects of heartbreak for so long.

Whether Law knew it or not, you could see tiny droplets of water gather in his eyes. Seeing him trying to hold it together made it just a bit harder to prevent yourself from breaking down. You grip the seat of his car and try to regulate your breathing. Clenching your teeth together,  you lay your head on the window and look outside. The sudden tap of water hitting the glass makes you jump. You look around and watch as more water droplets start hitting the car. 

“It’s raining. I thought it was supposed to be sunny all day?”

“I thought so, too.” The thick, tense silence rose once again, making it hard to breathe. If there had been enough room, you would have curled yourself up in a ball and cried. But you could do that when you get to...

“Where are we going?”

“My apartment. Just for now.”

“Ah, okay. Do you have any alcohol at your place?”

“Maybe some (.....)-ya left. Why?”

“So we can drink away our sadness.”

“I’m not much of a drinker.” A second silence covers the car.

“So I can drink away our sadness.”

“We’ll see when we get there.”

~~~

Your feet feel heavy as you walk into Law’s apartment. It’s been a while since you’ve been inside it. After the project was finished, you stopped coming over. Law’s busy schedule and your own just didn’t mix. Sometimes, you’d text him to check up on him and ask him how he was doing. He’d take hours or a day to respond, but you never held it against him. He always answered before it had been 48 hours, so it was okay with you.

Looking around his apartment, you see things that hadn’t been there before: some plants, many pictures on the wall, a TV, and some knickknacks you recognize that belong to (.....). The atmosphere was more welcoming than when you first visited Law’s apartment. If an apartment could feel like a hospital waiting room, then that’d be Law’s place before (.....) put her touch on it.

Placing your things near the couch, you take a deep breath as you rub your sternum to try and soothe the pain in your chest. All the pictures of Law and (.....) smiling happily nailed to the walls made your throat go dry. The images of your own apartment clouded your vision as you remembered your own photos with Eustass. Pictures of times when you did matching Halloween costumes, went to concerts together, relaxed at a beach together, or the two of you would just stay home. Every picture held a memory. 

A once cherished memory is now tainted by the image of betrayal. No amount of effort can make that image disappear. Even your happiest memories become blurry when you hear (.....) calling out Eustass's name. It ignites a fiery rage inside you, and seeing (.....)'s face everywhere makes you clench your teeth. You feel like tearing apart every picture of Law and (.....) just to remove her face from your sight. Every bone in your body screams at you to lose control. To destroy everything that reminds you of Eustass and (.....) until it is nothing but microscopic pieces.

But you weren’t home. The home you once had was now lost to time. For now, your ‘home’ depends on whether Law will allow you to stay the night for tonight.

“You can stay the night on the couch for tonight if you want. I have blankets in the closet over there.” You let out an internal breath of relief from Law, answering your question without being asked.

“Thank you, Law. Can I make you dinner or something? Just so I can repay your kindness?” You watch Law lean against the kitchen counter before crossing his arms. His eyes staring out into space.

“I haven’t gone shopping yet this week, so I don’t have much.”

“I’m sure I can craft up something.”

“If you want, then go ahead.” The sound of a ringtone brings a silence to the both of you. You check your phone and see the screen’s black.

“I think it’s yours.” Pulling out his phone from his pocket, you watch Law look at the screen. A frown crosses his face immediately, letting you know the caller. Letting out a heavy sigh, you watch him answer the phone.

“What do you want (.....)-ya?” While you couldn’t understand what she was saying, the tone of her voice was frantic. You could hear sobs coming from the other line. Hearing them pissed you off to hell and back. Didn’t (.....) have a shred of decency? How dare she plead and beg after she committed such an act?

You had to sit on the couch to calm yourself down just so you wouldn’t start screaming at (.....) through the phone. As soon as your body relaxed on the couch, a wave of soreness came over you. It feels as if you’ve been working out for hours on end and only now stopped. Even your eyelids felt heavy as you feel tears starting to form and blur your vision. Trying to breathe normally falls short as you begin to hyperventilate. Your lungs burn as you can feel your throat constricting. It feels like you're swallowing your heart just to keep yourself quiet.

“I meant what I said (.....)-ya. I’m breaking up with you, and that’s final. You can come get your things tomorrow afternoon.” Hearing Law’s voice helped soothe a part of your aching soul. Hearing something other than your own ragged breathing helped calm down the streams of tears that were flowing down your face.

“I’m done talking with you (.....)-ya. Goodbye.” The sound of Law’s calls ending made you rub your face, trying to hide the tears that plagued you seconds ago.

“Your more civil than I would have been. I probably wouldn’t have even picked up her call.” Your voice cracked as you tried to let out a small laugh.

“She was asking me for a ride. Apparently, her and Eustass got in a fight, and he threw her out in the rain.” Scoffing in disbelief, you turn your head to look at Law, hoping he wouldn’t notice your puffy eyes.

“She asked you for a ride after cheating on you? Serves her right, getting thrown in the rain. Hope she gets a cold.” You can see Law’s body tremble and how he bites his lip. His eyes get glassy as he looks at the ceiling.

“Fucking a man.” Even from across the room, you can hear Law whispering to himself. You hated seeing him like this. Watching someone you care about hurt only adds to the pain you feel.

“Hey…do you wanna watch something to get our minds off them?”

“I should go back to work. They probably need me.” You let out a hum, hearing his words. A slight feeling of rejection crosses your mind, but you're quick to shake it off. The last thing you wanted was to make him uncomfortable. And if he was the type to work away his feelings, who were you to stop him?

“Well, drive safe. It sounds like the rain is hitting harder.” The sound of rain beating against the windows of Law’s apartment was finally acknowledged. Its beat almost matched Law’s own heartbeat as he thought about the phone call only minutes ago.

Hearing (.....)’s voice felt like nails on a chalkboard as she tried to explain what happened. The voice that once calmed his aching heart was now the reason it hurt. It was astonishing how fast his whole world flipped upside down. Earlier today, he couldn’t wait to come home and see (.....) and have her talk to him about her day. But now, instead of (.....) smiling at him, you were sitting on his couch with puffy eyes.

The way he could hear the tremble in your voice and how the light shined against the path of tears left on your face made his own wave of emotions try to surface. Even if he could tell you were trying hard to hold them back, he could see tears collect against your eyelashes. The sight had tears accumulating in his own eyes, making him look up at the ceiling to try and stop them. He didn’t need to show how bad (.....)’s betrayal has affected him. At least not in front of you.

Sure, you guys were going through the same thing together, but it wouldn’t help him or you if he let his own emotions out. It’d just be easier to shove them down, ignore them, and work until the pain left. He’s done it before, so he can do it again. 

“Um, Law?” Looking back down, he sees you standing in front of him. You refuse to meet his eyes as you fiddle with the bottom of your shirt.

“Yeah?”

“Can I hug you?” Law felt his heart skip a beat hearing your request. A part of him told himself no that he’d break down the moment you wrapped your arms around him. Yet, the voice of someone he used to know told him something different.

“Okay.” As soon as the words left his lips, he felt your body smushed up against his. Your arms held him in a tight embrace as the sound of your hushed sniffles made Law finally cave. Wrapping his own arms around you, a sense of comfort filled him. The feeling of being cared for once again was nice yet terrifying. As soon as the feeling would come, it’d leave just as fast.

But for now, he’ll indulge in your hold.

~~~

The blanket that wrapped around you did little to replicate Law’s hug. Sure, you were warm, but it wasn’t the same. It reminded you of how alone you were. You had no family in this city, and your only friends were (.....) and Law, but you wouldn’t count him as an option due to the current predicament. It felt like you were running in circles with every idea that popped into your head. Always leading to a dead end and making you start all over again.

You couldn’t go back home. It’d take you around three to four hours to drive there! Plus, you didn’t leave on a good note with your parents when you left for college. And if their last words to you were anything to go by, they didn’t want you back. You shake your head at the thought of your parents.

“No. No need to drag myself down even more thinking about them.” Slithering your hand out of your blanket cocoon, you grab your phone that was on your right. The black screen stared at you as it showed your reflection. Eyes red from tears earlier and a cut lip from biting on it so hard earlier.

A ding echoes across the empty apartment as the phone's black screen soon turns on. The quick flash makes your eyes burn before squinting to try and get used to the brightness. Once adjusted, you see a message from Law hiding in your notification bar.

-“I need a favor from you.”

-“Sure, what ya need?”

-“(.....)-ya is supposed to be getting her things this morning. I want you to make sure she takes everything and leaves her key in the dish by the door.”

A frown skims across your face as the thought of seeing (.....)’s face makes your stomach churn. It’s only been a day, and you're already forced to see her face? At the same time, Law did allow you to stay the night last night. So, despite your distaste for seeing (.....), you agreed.

-“Will do. Can count on me :)”

-“Thanks.”

-“How’s working going so far?”

-“Fine.”

-“That's good”

The urge to ask him what his plans were with you after you did him this favor ate at your conscience as soon as you sent that last text. Law was really the only one whose place you felt safe enough to sleep at. And he’s the only person you have in the entire city. You didn’t have a license since a lot of things were always within walking distance, so you never had a reason to. 

But now, you were on the complete other side of the city. What used to be a five-minute walk to your job now would take at least thirty minutes. You had no idea where anything was on this side of the city. Sure, you and Law would go grab an energy drink from the gas station when the two of you worked the night away on that old project, but that was two years ago. Who knows? Maybe that gas station doesn’t even exist anymore!

“Do you go here a lot?”

“To buy an energy drink and coffee every now and then.” The sound of small pebbles crunching under your and Law’s shoes goes unnoticed as you walk next to him.

“Okay, so every day then?” A laugh escapes your lips as Law rolls his eyes, yet a small smile plays against his lips.

“This gas station is the only place that sells my favorite one.”

“Which is?”

“Can’t tell you. What if you take it?” A smirk appears on his lips as he puts his hands in his pockets. Scoffing, you place your hand on your chest in fake offense.

“I can’t believe you’d think so lowly of me. Stealing your beloved drink? Only a monster could be so heartless!” Hearing Law let out a chuckle from your words made a heavy feeling of confidence run through your veins. He was always relatively quiet when in class, so it was nice to see him show emotion other than ‘bored.’

“How much farther? I’m dying to know the favorite drink of the future best doctor in the world.” A faint pink tints Law’s skin as he tries to look away from you, hoping you don’t see what your comment did to him.

“You really think so?” Despite trying to copy your playful tone, you can hear his self-doubt and hopefulness that your words were true.

“I know so! No one works harder than you! If anyone says otherwise, tell me and I’ll kick their ass.” Law could feel his palms grow sweaty, and his heart beat a little faster. 

Sure, he’s gotten praise from his teacher, but hearing it come from someone he had just met and barely knew felt a little more sincere? Why, he didn’t know, but he won’t complain.

“Will do.”

KNOCK KNOCK

The sound of light knowing pulls you from your memories. Looking up at the clock, you see it’s nearly three pm. You sigh as you shed the multiple layers of blankets you were snuggled in. The rage and anger from yesterday are still strong in your system, making you clench your fists. You walk towards the door when you hear your fingers popping from the sheer force. Unlocking it, you take a deep breath before fully opening it.

In front of you stood a very unkempt (.....). Her hair was in a messy ponytail, accompanied by red eyes and a red face. Makeup from the night before was still applied to her skin as mascara streaked down her face. Your eyes even caught the barely covered hickeys and bite marks that shined through her concealer.

“(Y-Y/N)?...Why are you…Where’s Law?” Her pitiful voice made you squeeze the doorknob tighter to try and calm yourself.

“He’s at work. Not that it’s any of your business, but he was kind enough to let me spend the night.” Your eyes narrowed at her as you couldn’t help but glare daggers at the marks on her neck. Noticing your stare, (.....) moved her shoulder to cover her neck.

“I see…” You move to let her in and shut the door behind her. She lets out a shaky breath before beginning to take down the multiple pictures hanging along the wall. The sound of sniffles hits your ears as you watch her grab the frames with shaky hands. Listening to her hold back tears made you struggle to hold your own.

How could she have done this? Years of friendship only to throw it away for some dick? Did you mean so little to her? You’ve been with her for everything! Breakups, grandparents passing, getting in trouble together, anything and everything you’ve done for her! If she needed a kidney transplant, you would’ve volunteered right away!

Now, seeing how a friendship can easily be thrown away like trash after years made bitterness fill your heart. If your best friend and boyfriend could betray you without so much of a second thought, what does that say about the strangers all around you?

What does that say about you? Did you do something to deserve this? Was (.....) mad at you and thought fucking your lover would get back at you? There had to be a reason. To be an explanation for the horror you saw yesterday. Maybe after a drink or two after (.....) leaves will calm you down.

~~~

“You got everything?”

“Yeah.” Just as she was about to walk out the door, you remembered that she still hadn't given you the key.

“I need the apartment key.” Putting your hand out, you move your eyes to your hand and back at her.

“I-I don’t have it.” Furrowing your brows, you sigh.

“Don’t bullshit me. I’ve known you for years, and I know when you lie. Now give me the goddamn keys (.....).” You watch (.....) bite her lip before digging into her jacket pocket. The light shined off the key as she gently put it in your hands.

“Can you say goodbye to Bepo for me?” Confusion hit you like a train at her request.

“What the hell are-you know what? Fine. I’ll say bye.”

“Thanks.” Closing the door, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. After locking the door behind her, you placed her old key in the dish Law has near the door for his keys. (.....) request puzzled you as you tried to think of what she was talking about.

“What the hell is a Bepo?”

Just then, a light pitter-patter echos in the apartment. Your heart stops as the sound gets closer. There shouldn’t be anyone else in the apartment but you. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you try to move quietly towards the kitchen to grab something to defend yourself.

“Meow!” You stop in your tracks upon hearing that noise. Embarrassment floods your body as you move even closer to the noise. Upon turning the corner, you see a white cat walking in your direction. A big white cat.

“Can’t believe I got spooked by a damn cat. Didn’t even know Law had a cat…a fatass one nonetheless.” Bending down, you move your hand to let the cat smell you. A smile appears on your face when it rubs against you.

“Hmm? What’s this?” Moving the fluff from his neck, you see a collar with a tag. Squinting your eyes, you finally see the name engraved on the tag.

“Ohhh…your Bepo! Well, aren’t you a cutie-pie?” With (.....) 's request finally making sense, you fight to actually fulfill it. With a sigh, you pick up Bepo and hold him gently. 

“Let’s send your dad a selfie. I think he’ll appreciate it.” You go to the couch, pick up your phone, and find the right angle for the picture. When you find the right spot, you smile as Bepo rubs his head against your face.

“Say cheese!”

~~~

It’d been a long day at the hospital. It felt like nothing went right. Sure, he put in his all, but he had to tell people how they were diagnosed with a terminal illness or dealing with dumb co-workers. The only good thing today did for him was keep (.....) out of his head. But now that work was over, the nagging thoughts could finally bother him once more.

Sighing as he unlocked his apartment door, he was immediately hit with the smell of something cooking. Whatever it was, it smelled good, and he was happy that he didn’t have to make anything tonight. When he went to put his keys in the dish designated for them, he saw (.....)’s key lying in the middle. A wave of relief washed over him as he finished taking off his shoes and coat.

“Oh, Law, are you home?” Your voice rings in his ears as he walks further into his apartment. He spots you setting up the table while humming to yourself.

“Yeah, I’m back. Did you make something?”

“Well, you’ve been at work for sixteen hours, so obviously, you should be hungry! Not to mention that you deserved a home-cooked meal after working so hard.” Moving closer to the dinner table, he sees a plate of grilled fish along with a can of what looks to be sparkling water. The smell of his favorite food drew him closer, and he felt a sense of calm filled him. It’d be the second night in a row you made him dinner.

“Where did you get the fish? I don’t remember having any?”

“Oh, after (.....) took her stuff and left, I used GPS to find a store nearby, and there was an organic type of food store only two blocks away! So I went shopping and got things! Except for beverages, so I stopped by the gas station we used to go to and got sparkling water 'cause you don’t drink and no way you’d drink an energy boost at eight pm.” You continued talking, but it was lost on Law’s ears as he stared at the set-up table. The fact you put yourself to go grocery shopping and making him dinner made his sour mood from only moments ago lighten.

“Thank you.” As he moves to wash his hands in the sink, he sees his beloved cat following you and purring.

“I see you’ve met Bepo.” Upon speaking, the cat changed his attention to Law. Bepo begins to meow as he prances towards Law’s feet before rubbing against them. Leaning down, Law gives him a few pets before washing his hands.

“I didn’t even know you had a cat. Did you just get him?”

“No. I’ve had him for almost a year and a half. Why?” He watches you lift your eyebrows and look at Bepo before looking back at Law.

“What?”

“Law. Do you see how big that cat is?” Despite just washing his hands, Law picks up Bepo and holds him in his arms.

“What about it? He’s growing.”

“That cat is obese. He needs a diet.”

“Bepo is perfect the way he is.” You couldn’t help but giggle as you watched him hold Bepo protectively and away from you.

“You can be delusional all you want, but come eat before the food gets cold.” Turning your back, you begin to dish up after washing your hands. You can hear Law rewashing his own before sitting on the opposite side of the table.

As awkward as it may be, the presence of one another brings a slight calm to your new chaotic world.

~~~

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[cranberryjuice-posts]

Guess I ruined us pretty bad

Pairings - singer! Abby Anderson x ex! Fem! Reader

An - this is my second modern au Abby FIC// Abby is like Girl in red

Abby laid down on the bed in her hotel room. She had just finished another show on her country tour. At this point in the tour Abby didn’t even really care what state she was in just as long as the show went smoothly. The rest of the band was in different rooms most likely with some groupies, Abby however was alone.

She knew if she wanted she could easily find someone to sleep with, she was the Abby Anderson but she didn’t want anyone.

Abby sat up and opened her phone going to Instagram, she went onto her stalker account and soon found your account in her following..

You two had a shitty break up half a year ago when Abby’s career really started to take off.. she scrolled for a moment before clicking onto your live.

—

You were in your kitchen with Ellie Jessie and Dina, all of which was cooking sweets with you.

Jadenxoxo - “Are you still with Abby”

You read the message and sighed. “No sadly she had bigger plans that our relationship I still like her music though her new song is amazing”

“Her music is shit” Dina scolded. Before you could defend her Jessie and Ellie stepped in.

“You still listen to her music? Y/n we talked about this” Jessie sighed, while handing sone batter to fins to put in the cake pan.

“I don’t give a shit I still hate Abby after she got into that fight with Joel” Ellie scoffed. Now finally able to talk you rolled your eyes, “yeah well Joel’s not innocent in that either he had hit jerry during the bondfire, abby was only standing up for her dad”

“Whatever” Ellie Bit back before walking to Dina and grabbing her hips watching as she made the cake.

You rolled your eyes and continued to talk to people in your comments.

—

Abby smiled seeing you defend her. She watched until the live ended.. her phone went dark, she just sat in the darkness trying to get over the fact you two were done.

She opened her phone again this time pulling up your number, it had been months since she had last had sex. The last time being with you.. after your breakup she had just traveled with the band being happy as long as she wasn’t in your state.. she wanted to call you.

Wanted to apologize and maybe even offer to fly you out but she knew herself.. she just wanted to get off over the phone with you. Abby sighed and turned her phone off throwing it aside before laying down.. she didn’t want to be that person that called you up when she needed a quick fuck but she knew that’s who she was becoming..

————

You were sitting in a diner with your friends enjoying your meal. You looked over and felt a sense of dread seeing abby on a billboard promoting her new concert.

Dina noticed and shook her head. “I think she should stay out of Jacksonville, can’t believe she actually scheduled a concert for here”

The group agreed but you didn’t. “Y/n.. don’t tell me your thinking of fixing things with her” Ellie warned as if you said yes she was going to jump across the table and beat your ass..

You kept quiet for a moment. “It would be nice to see her again”

“And she’ll break your heart again— y/n you desevere better than her” Jessie added his two scenes.. “Abby’s not like tha—“

“Then Why did she tell you you were a condensing bitch for not going on tour with her?!” Ellie yelled but soon Quieted down as the diner looked over. “Next time I see that blonde haired bitch I’m kicking her ass”

“She didn’t call me a condensing bitch els”

“Sure”

Your friends continued to batter Abby all the while you just kept quiet thinking about what would happen if you saw her again. Would she call you? Show up to your place? You had no idea.

————

That night you sat in bed and just had your last argument with Abby on replay.

You were cuddling with Abby on the couch watching as a reporter show interviewed her. “Fuck baby see that I’m gonna be famous” Abby laughed and kissed your cheek.

“Uh huh, just don’t forget about me yeah”

Abby just snorted. “As if How can I forget about my girl if she’s always with me” she pulled you closer if it was possible but you remained confused. “What do you mean?”

She tilted her head. “What? Your coming with me on my tour” she awkwardly laughed, her body language growing more serious. “Your coming with me”

“No I’m not Abby” you pulled away to have a serious conversation. “I can’t just leave my job but I’ll be here supporting you from the sidelines”’ you tried to be supportive by grabbing her hand.

Abby however shook her head like it wouldn’t do. “Quit your job I’m making more then enough for both of us”

“I’m not quiting my job” you scoffed “this is my dream job and I’d be insane to leave it, I get how important this is to you but I can’t go abs”

“So what? I’m just supposed to spend months traveling without you” her tone accusatory, you shrugged your should irritated but Abby let out a scoff like sigh. “That’s bullshit, isn’t your job Doing work from home Why can’t you go”

“Because i Cant Abby can you stop acting like a child about this? Your an adult woman act like one”

“I’m the child for wanting to have you with me?!” Abbya tone grew louder.

“You know that’s not what I meant”

“Whatever” abby stood up and grabbed her keys.

“Abby where are you going!” You yelled and followed her outside your apartment complex down to her car. “What the fuck are you doing!”

Abby opened her car door. “Going to blow off steam”

“So your going to the gym instead of talking to me.. Abby if you leave this conversation you won’t have to worry about not having a girlfriend on tour.”

She got into her car before she paused. “Your not serious..”

“I am either we talk this out like adults or your on your own” your tone was strong but you tried to hide the years in your eyes. Abby just scoffed thinking your bluffing. “We’ll talk when we’re both calmed down ok, I’ll see you in an hour.. love you”

That hour when Abby came home you were gone.

—

At the same time Abby thought about the same thing.. she covered her face and cringed at how she didn’t take you seriously like she should of. She had ruined everything and ruined what you two had, just the thought of all that though made her sick.

————

A couple hours passed. You had woken up around 2am after your cat hit your face.. grumbling you moved over and checked your phone.

Almost dropping it you panicked as you saw a DM notification from Abby’s Instagram account. You debated for half an hour before actually opening it

- hey y/n I know it’s been a long time but I’m coming into state for a concert and I thought maybe we could hang out or something

You looked at the message nervous, should you respond? Should you ignore?

“Fuck” you groaned.. if you agreed you knew how it would end but you just couldn’t stop yourself

- hey Abby.. yeah I would like to hangout it would be nice to see you

- ….

- great! I’ll text you some details tomorrow. Come to my show yeah? you can hangout back stage while we preform

- …

- okay

You turned off your phone and made a face of discomfort. Once Dina and them found out they would actually kill you but what could it hurt, you still liked Abby yeah and maybe if she still liked you maybe there was a chance to make things work again.

————

You sat back stage shaking your leg as Abby finsihed her set. You waved as manny, Mel, Nora and some of the other people in Abby’s band walked by. You had hanged out occasionally with them but you didn’t really know them.

That’s when you saw Abby. She had her hair down with sweat beading around her face, she wore a black Tee and some cargo pants. It was simple but shit did it really show off Abby’s muscular physique.

She noticed you and walked awkwardly over. “Hey” she panted, You nodded in response. “Uh.. let’s go to my dressing room yeah? It’ll be more private”

Once in the room you got comfortable on the couch, watching Abby change which didn’t shock you since you two have seen eachother naked on a multitude of occasions. Abby sat down beside you.

It was silent but comforting as you two looked at eachother. “So” you finally spoke shifting around some. “How many groupies have you hooked up with” you teased.

Abby gave a breathy chuckle. “None actually.. I haven’t slept with anyone since our breakup, and what about you? How many women have come banging on your door begging for a chance”

“As if” you rolled your eyes “your the only woman I’ve met who’s actually almost broke down my door just to ask me on another date” it was nice talking to Abby. It wasn’t weird but enjoyable.

“And in my defense it worked didn’t it” Abby laughed. “Besides I had to do that after fucking up our first date”

You laughed in response. “Ok Abby” shaking your head but the blonde continued with a smile

“I’m serious!”

Laughing with Abby made you happy, you always felt your best when she was with you, You both calmed down eventually and just looked at eachother.. Abby’s smile fell, she grabbed your hand and sighed. She rubbed gentle circles on your hand in a comforting way. “I ruined us pretty bad huh..”

You didn’t respond, Abby took that as her answer. She leaned forward and kissed your cheek while placing her hand on your hip with her free hand on your cheek. She looked at you with affection before looking down ashamed. “I treated you like trash, and you deserve so much more than that.. and I know this is a shitty apology but I’m sorry.. I’m so so fucking sorry. If I could take everything back I would”

She cringed at the silence. Wishing to take everything back. You reached out and kissed her softly, it was short lived much to Abby’s dismay but she didn’t complain.

“I love you Abby.. I never stop” You softly admited. Laughing as Abby blushed, you tucked one of her stray hairs away before leaning in to kiss her again.

—

The following morning abby immediately posted you laying in bed beside her on her Instagram story.. resulting in multiple people congratulating abby on her relationship, some offensive names and comments, and lastly your friends blowing up your phone threatening to beat your ass for getting back with your ex.

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 5

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, slight slut-shaming, brief mention of death, minors do not interact

word count: 2.3k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-fi if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

featuring the isa song “sometimes you lose your soulmates”

Present Day 

Though you didn’t exactly enjoy Mondays, it was at least the one day of the week when you got to wake up naturally instead of at the crack of dawn. Your first class isn't until noon, so when you wake up at 9:30 in the morning, you decide to get your day started early. 

You weren’t always the type of person to completely do themselves up just to go to class. Maybe in freshman year for the first few weeks, but you were a seasoned vet now. Most of the time, some leggings and a simple shirt or sweater sufficed. But after such a shitty weekend, you figure you could at least make yourself feel good by looking good. 

After half an hour of getting ready, you look yourself over in the bathroom mirror. You smile, fairly satisfied with your appearance. Despite the cold breezes of Saturday night, the forecast called for a rare warm day. As a result, you allowed yourself a floral sundress, decorated with a puffy knitted, button-up jacket on top of it in case the season’s true weather decided to show. A pair of simple white sneakers finished your outfit; not the most stylish, but practically, you still had to walk around campus. 

Your lips shine from the bit of lip gloss you’d applied. You’d only applied some light mascara on today (you figured that your Literature and Sexuality class did not warrant your bold, false eyelashes). You’d lightly painted your eyes with colours that complemented those of your sundress, blending them seamlessly onto your eyelids. As you did this, that one memory that was prodding you two days ago became clearer. 

“I have no idea how you do that so naturally, dude.” Ellie’d said, watching you in awe from the foot of your bed. 

Her ocean green eyes watched the meticulous strokes of your makeup brush applying eyeshadow to your lids. It was early on in your “friendship” and it was still a couple more weeks of her calling you “dude” before you became “babe” and “baby.” 

“It’s not that hard, honestly. Just takes some practice.” You’d said, trying to keep your hand steady as you grew nervous under Ellie’s watchful gaze. 

“Nah, it’s natural talent. You’re an artist.” She’d replied. 

You’d scoffed, saying, “Ellie, all I’m doing is my makeup. You’re the actual artist, remember?” 

“No,” She’d shaken her head. “I just draw. You’re the artist here.” She’d said decidedly, eyes full of admiration as she continued to stare. 

You’d blushed furiously then, and you would continuously do so when you’d replay that memory the months following after. 

But it was two years later and now, the memory instead has you staring at your reflection tight-lipped and frowning. 

Why is she still everywhere? 

It was roughly a fifteen to twenty-minute walk from your apartment to the university. You lived in an off-campus apartment complex that was in a decent location from both the school and a downtown area nearby. It was less convenient than living on campus like several of your friends still did, and this certainly wasn’t what you’d had in mind when you were planning out your social college experience. But after the freshman year events of Rafael’s death and Ellie’s abandonment, you were far more comfortable where you were. 

You liked walking anyway. You found solace in the strolls you took, accompanied only by your thoughts and headphones. 

About five minutes into your trek to campus, you pull out your phone to text your friend Tara. 

A couple of minutes later, you were just officially entering the campus when Tara texts you back. 

You continue walking as you frown down at your phone. Dina had spent most of the previous day at your place, cheering you up and taking your mind off Ellie. Your group chat with your other friends was blowing up and by the end of the night when Dina had left, you were overwhelmed by the amount of unread texts you had. The group chat remained unopened until right now. 

The chat consisted of your friends Tara, Sidney, Astrid, Rebecca, Kristen, and Mina. You’d met them all in freshman year. Tara was your assigned roommate and Astrid was Dina’s. They were all initially casual friends, ones that you saw on a usual basis and got along well with, but they weren’t necessarily very close. You were better friends with the gang from Jackson. But after you came back to campus for sophomore year, you detached yourself slightly from Dina and Jesse, knowing full well that Ellie had them first. They both tried to remain closer to you; but they remained inseparable from their childhood best friend, not fully knowing what events led to what “broke up” you two. It wasn’t the same and it was a much different dynamic with this other friend group, but the girls were there for you all the same. 

Reluctantly, you click on the group chat named “Wilson Crew ❤️‍🔥” (Wilson Valley had been the name of the freshman dorm building most of you had resided in the first year). Scrolling up to where you’d left off, you scan the messages your friends had left the previous day. Your eyes grow wider and wider the more you read. 

The previous day, Tara, who worked at a campus coffee shop called Ruston Coffee, was tasked to train a new girl. To her, your other friends’, and now your shock, the new girl Tara was training was Freshman Girl. The same Freshman Girl who stayed glued to Ellie’s side for most of Saturday night. The same Freshman Girl who drooled over Ellie’s every word and move. The same Freshman Girl that mistook your Ellie’s signature lavender-laced joints as lilac. The same Freshman Girl who wore Ellie’s old motorcycle jacket the entire night. 

It turned out Freshman Girl did have a name: Daniela. Your friends had sent messages with different levels of shock and horror. Kristen called her a whore, to which Sidney agreed, to which Astrid reprimanded and told them both to be nice. Mina sent memes as a response. Tara also texted that Daniela would be working with her again today. 

You look up. Ruston Coffee is just down the way. You don't have to go in. You can skip coffee for today and hide out in the library instead. 

“I’m not expecting you and Ellie to magically make up. I won’t try to get into the middle of it because I know that’s between you two. But you definitely need to figure out this out, babe. This doesn’t seem like something that should remain unresolved.” Dina’d said.

“But don’t also let it affect all the other parts of your life, okay?" She continued. "She shouldn’t be stopping you from hanging out with me and Jess more often or going out to parties we’re at or anything that involves Ellie in some way. Don’t let her stop you from enjoying your life.” 

And Ellie certainly shouldn’t stop you from getting coffee. If you want to get a coffee and relax before class, Ellie should not be getting in the way of that. 

You take a deep breath and march towards the coffee shop, fingers gripping tightly onto the straps of your backpack and feet stomping in rhythm to good 4 u by Olivia Rodrigo blasting loudly through your headphones. 

A bell above the door tinkles as you enter Ruston Coffee. The shop was a little busy, most seats taken up by other students sitting with their laptops or biding time before class. There's a line of people by the register and you begin approaching it until you hear your name being called. 

Your friend Tara waves you over by the counter where orders are usually dropped off. In one of her hands is a straw and your ready-made mocha frappe. 

“You’re the literal best, Tara.” You sigh, pulling your headphones off and walking up to her. 

She hands you your coffee order. 

“No problem.” She says, smiling. “You know that I don’t mind.”

“Thank you for indulging in my caffeine addiction,” You say, whipping out your phone and sending her $6. 

Tara frowns and says, “You better not have given me a $3 tip this time.” 

You sip from your straw. 

“Dude!” Tara reprimands, laughing. 

“$2 tip!” You say, defensively. 

“Just for a $4 coffee.” She chides, shaking her head. 

You shrug. 

“So uh,” Tara begins, her voice lowered slightly. “Did you see what I said in the group chat yesterday? Cause you weren’t responding.” 

You gulp. 

“Uhh. Yeah, I did, just now. Sorry, Dina was at my place yesterday, so I was busy—” 

“Nah nah, it’s cool, man. But like. You saw what I said about that girl, right?” 

“Is she here?” You ask, chewing the inside of your cheek. 

“Not yet. But—” Tara checks her watch. “—she’s supposed to be here in less than five minutes or so.” 

Fuck. 

“Oh, okay.” You gulp, your heart rate increasing. 

“Are you okay, dude?” Tara asks. 

“No, yeah, I’m fine.” You lie. “How did training her yesterday go?” 

Tara crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. 

“Literally the worst. She kept on looking at her phone instead of listening, she left one AirPod in her ear the whole time, she kept asking when we were gonna be done. And now I have to go through it all again once she gets here.” 

You give Tara a sympathetic look. 

“I hate that,” You say, sucking on your teeth. “Can’t you just, I don’t know, not hire her?” 

“We’re short-staffed as fuck, so we don’t have much of a choice.” Tara sigh. 

One of Tara’s co-workers comes up behind her and attempts to elbow her ribs which she dodges easily. 

“Get back to work, Maclay.” He says, putting down two cups of coffee next to her before heading back towards the register. 

“Fuck off, Khanh!” She replies, shooting a middle finger to his back. 

“Should I let you get back to work?” You ask. 

“Nah,” Tara reassures. “I wanna shit talk this Daniela girl first before I have to deal with her this morning.” 

“Do you know how often she’s gonna be working with you?” You inquire. 

“I’m not sure yet, but if Bonnie thinks she’s gonna stick me with a lazy new girl this early in the year—” 

You hear the bell above the door tinkle as someone enters the coffee shop. Both you and Tara look instinctively at the new arrival. Tara groans silently and your throat goes dry. 

Freshman Girl Daniela walks in. Wearing Ellie’s jacket once again. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

“Crap, I gotta go now, I guess.” Tara whines begrudgingly. 

“Y-yeah…” You say, unable to take your eyes off of that same jacket that used to often adorn your shoulders back in your freshman year. You hate that it looked good on Daniela. 

“I’ll see you later, dude.” Tara says, wrenching her elbows off the counter and walking towards the register. 

“Good luck.” You reply. 

You aren't exactly subtle with your stare, but thankfully Daniela doesn't seem to notice. It's a little different seeing her now in the daytime. She was very pretty, you have to admit to yourself. She has a short, pixie cut that complements her sharp bone structure. She's wearing a bright yellow tank top below Ellie’s jacket that clings to her lean figure, making her stand out slightly. The light makeup she has on looks so simple and natural. 

Daniela wasn’t Ellie’s first conquest since you ended things with her. She didn’t waste much time dating around after you all came back for your sophomore year. You’d avoided her as much as possible so you wouldn't have to come face-to-face with the girls she’d get involved with. You still heard about them, of course, and you were sure there were even more than the ones you’d known about. 

But Daniela was the first you were forced to encounter. You weren’t prepared to be thrust right into Ellie’s love life once more. But here you are, staring at the most recent fling of the girl who you were once so desperately in love with. 

As Daniela lazily makes her way through the shop towards the back, you eventually tear your eyes off her and head straight for the exit. 

♫ Maybe she’ll come through / If he waits some more 

But she doesn’t / No, she doesn’t ♫ 

You're leaning against one of the trees in the quad, backpack laid next to you and headphones back on your ears. Your next class is in the building right behind you, but you still have a while until it started. 

♫ It’s not like the movies / Like you dream it’ll be 

Sometimes you lose your soulmates / And sometimes they leave ♫

Your journal and pen are laid out on your lap but abandoned as your fingers pick at the grass around you. Your mostly empty coffee cup sits next to you, condensation dripping into the soil. Your eyes are completely glazed over, watching the clouds in the sky. 

♫ She’s not a girl you forget / She’ll run through your head 

With all of the moments / You loved but now dread 

To remember / Burning like—♫ 

Your hands and voice react quicker than your mind does. Your sudden movements cause your headphones to fall onto your neck. After a second, you realize that you had shrieked and that your hands had flown up to your face to catch something. As you bring the object down to look at it, you realize it was a football. 

“Shit! I’m so sorry!” 

You look up to see a tall girl in a dark t-shirt and grey sweatpants jogging towards you, a dirty blonde braid bouncing behind her. 

“Abby?”

author's notes:

sorry for the delay in uploading this! i'm back from my brief vacation, and after i settled in after getting home, i almost immediately plopped down in front of my laptop to finalize this ldksfjsdlkds

not very chockful of ellie in this chapter, i know, i'm sorry! y'all got plenty last chapter! but don't worry, more will be coming up soon. i just enjoy keeping y'all in suspense.

i just wanna mention that most (if not all) of the names that i use in this fic are picked out people in the games themselves. also tara's last name is maclay as an homage to my lesbian queen tara maclay from buffy the vampire slayer. she's not the same character obvi, but i just enjoy putting in the reference :)

freshman girl aka daniela may have been named after and based on some whore girl that my ex left me for and that i'm still bitter about it oops

i hope y'all enjoyed the surprise guest appearance at the end of this chapter! she will be integrated further into the story from this point on, so stayed tuned :)

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, @valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn, @uraesthete, @softbunlvr, @cherriessxinthespring, @amitycat, @chrissyfishywissy, @yevheniiaaa, @machetegirl109, @bertandfearnie, @ximtiredx, @efam, @elliesnoviecita, @oatmilkchaii, @tayyyystan, @emothurman, @livvy-2000, @abigaillovestoread, @gold-dustwomxn, @liabadoobee, @yuckyfucky

[whore-4-drewstarkey]

The Night We Met- Rafe Cameron x Fem!Reader

summary: rafe thinks you two met at a party years ago, but finds out you two had actually met a year before that. but why can’t he remember? and what happened that night?

warnings: major drug use, drug overdose, angst, mentions of alcohol, fluff, ooc rafe, suggestive content and defs cringy at the end lol. also might be a bit short? idek.

a/n: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THE WARNINGS ABOVE don’t know how i feel about the ending but i’m gonna yolo it. thought of this idea/concept when i was listening to the song below:

“you know, i’m so fucking happy you said ‘yes’. i honestly don’t know what i would’ve done if you hadn’t” rafe spoke as he held Y/N in his arms, curled up in the bed at his father’s house in the bahamas. one arm wrapped around the young woman’s back as the other gripped her bare thigh against his hip. the young woman’s hand drew imaginary shapes against his chest before looking up into his deep blue eyes.

“i could never say the word ‘no’ to you my love. never. i’m yours. forever and always. you’re the best thing that’s happened to me and i’m so happy i’m finally a cameron” Y/N face cracked into a wide smile, as she continued to gaze into rafe’s eyes, as he broke into a rare, genuine smile. the two had just gotten married the night before, and were now just relaxing in the privacy of rafe’s, father’s home in the bahamas.

“im so happy we met. truly, i am. i love you baby” rafe whispered down to his newly wedded wife, moving his hand from holding her bare thigh, to push back a piece of her hair from her face, as he planted a gentle, but passionate kiss to her plump lips.

“i love you too hunny” she whispered as their lips detached from one another’s. “d-do you remember the night we met?” Y/N continued, swallowing the lump in her throat. she knew she’d have to tell him her secret eventually, and now seemed like the perfect time as they were about to spend the rest of their lives together.

“uh yeah… i think so? pretty sure it was that banger of a party top was having my senior year of high school. you had come to the party with sarah. you guys had only been friends for about a year or two by then? i couldn’t stop looking at you” rafe chuckled at the memory as he continued. “i got you on my team as we played beer pong… and we killed it. everyone else we went up against sucked so bad” rafe continued to hold her in his arms, looking down to admire the woman he’d just gotten so lucky to marry.

“uh… r-rafe um m-my love. c-can i tell you something?” Y/N stuttered out to rafe. she was so scared to tell him how wrong he was, but she knew it had to be done.

“babe, you know you can tell me anything. what is it?” rafe questioned, as his hand on her bare thigh, began to rub soothing circles into her soft skin.

“that’s not the night we met… um… do you remember that story you told me about your overdose incident you had when you were only seventeen?” Y/N whispered out, not wanting to upset rafe by bringing up a hard time from his past that he was never proud of.

“uh, yeah. i do. that night is kinda a blur still to this day. all i remember is doing a few too many lines and waking up in the kildare island hospital two days later. doctors said if whoever had made the call, called five minutes later i’d be dead. why?” he spoke softly, as he replayed the memories in his brain. he’s hurt so many people during that period of time. he wished he’d never even started doing the drug, but at the time he felt as if that was the only thing that could save him from himself.

the young woman began to shake involuntary, getting her lovers attention, “babe why are you shaking? did i go too hard earlier?” he chuckled out lightheartedly, trying to lighten her mood.

“i’m shaking because i feel bad for keeping something from you. and yeah you did go hard, but i’m not complaining…. but that’s besides the point. please hear me out and don’t get mad. i only did it to protect you” she rambled on as rafe’s facial expression changed from a smile, to a stone-cold look, going completely serious.

she took his silence and stare as a sign to continue on what she had been keeping from him for the last 5 years. “that night you overdosed, i had come over to tannyhill to talk to sarah about something a-and when i got there…. there was nobody home… u-until i walked past your room a-and you were just pacing back and forth like some crazy guy” Y/N sniffled out as she moved her hand from drawing imaginary shapes from rafe’s chest, to cradle his left cheek as she spoke.

Y/N had just arrived to tannyhill, as her and sarah had to start working on a school project soon. but as soon as she arrived to the house, it was completely empty. she was always welcomed in, even when nobody was home. rose and ward had adored her as soon as they’d met her six months before tonight. it also helped that Y/N family were close business partners with ward as well.

as soon as Y/N walked up the spiral staircase, calling out sarah’s name, to see if she was home, she rounded the corner trying to find sarah. instead of sarah, however she found sarah’s brother, pacing his room back and forth, mumbling words to himself. he’d seemed to be twitching, and almost shaking as he was pacing, alarming Y/N a small amount. she’s decided to step into his doorway to see if he was okay.

rafe’s eyes softened as his girl spoke of what really happened that night he’d almost died, nodding his head in her hand, signaling her to continue. “i approached you babe, and you started getting all paranoid, you were yelling at me, which i guess wasn’t that abnormal for you at the time from what i’d heard from others. you started marching over to me as you continued to yell, i think you were going to push me, but i don’t know, but then you just fell to the ground and started dry heaving involuntarily, as your breathing became unsteady. it scared me…. i’d never seen anyone like that before. b-but then y-you turned all pale and completely passed out. i-i didn’t know what to do so i ran over to you to see what happened” Y/N started to whimper, as a single tear fell from her tear duct, and rolled down her soft cheek.

“hey, rafe, right? it’s Y/N, sarah’s friend. are you okay? you don’t look too good” Y/N asked politely to the young teenage boy, who stopped his pacing to look up at the girl.

“who the hell are you? what are you doing in my house? huh?” the young man yelled, as he began to walk up towards the girl, ready to shove her out of his room, but before he could get close enough, he hunched over, involuntarily dry heaving, as his breathing became more rapid, drawing even more red flags in the young teenage girls brain.

his face started to turn as white as a ghost, before he ultimately lost consciousness completely, falling limp onto his bedroom floor. Y/N immediately ran over the boys sides to see what she could do.

rafe’s eyes began to water, as he stared down at Y/N, seeing her slowly crack and break down into his arms. something he had dwelled forever; seeing his lover heartbroken and distraught. he’d never wanted to see her this way. it ached him to see her this way, and to know he was the cause made it 10x worse. “b-baby, continue…. finish the story. i can take it” rafe’s voice cracked as he urged his lover to tell the rest of the story. he was in shambles at the moment, tears welling up in his eyes as they started to pour out one by one.

“as soon as i’d ran over to your body, i picked your head up, trying to talk to you. i was just trying to figure out what you had taken. but then i’d remembered hearing from sarah before that you’d been doing a lot of cocaine, but in all seriousness i don’t think anyone noticed how bad your addiction really was.” Y/N whispered out, as she relived that night in her head one more time. she soon continued, “i was trying to find a pulse as i still held your head in my arms. i could barely hear it, and your skin was on fire. i’d just assumed it was a drug overdose, s-so i called 9-1-1”

the young teenage girl cradled the young drug addict’s head in her arms carefully, immediately feeling the extreme heat radiating from his skin, alarming the girl further. why was he on fire? and why did he completely pass out? Y/N soon came to realization what was possibly happening as soon as she remembered the conversation her and sarah were having the week before. sarah had been complaining to Y/N about her brother’s ‘slight’ drug problem. the drug of his choice however had been cocaine. sarah was always telling her how everytime he’d do a line or two, he’d get extremely paranoid and more aggressive than normal.

“rafe, wake up” the worried girl cried out to the passed out boy. “rafe, what did you take? how much did you take?!” she cried out again, but no answer to avail. she huffed and puffed as she started to cry, trying to find a pulse. she could barely hear his heartbeat through his carotid artery. she could not be responsible for his possible drug overdose. she would not. so, Y/N grabbed her phone from her back pocket of her jeans, and dialed 9-1-1.

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?” the older lady spoke through the phone.

“hi, um i need an ambulance to the Cameron estate at tannyhill immediately! there’s a possible cocaine drug overdose! please come quick! i-i don’t know how much longer h-he will keep breathing” Y/N weeped into her phone, as she tried to keep her cool.

“ma’am, i need you to calm down. what’s your name?” the older lady asked through the phone to the young distraught girl.

“y-Y/N. what’s yours?” Y/N asked the lady.

“my name is susannah. Y/N i need you to tell me if they’re still breathing.” susannah spoke calmly to the young girl.

“u-uh yeah, it’s super faint though. is he gonna die?!” Y/N started sobbing as she continued to cradle rafe’s head.

“Y/N… do you know what possible drug they could’ve overdosed on? and do you know how much they took? their height or weight?”

“h-he does cocaine i believe. or at least that’s what i’ve been told. he’s uh maybe 6’2ish? i’m not sure. i-i don’t know how much he did though. i-i’m not sure how much he weighs but i do know that hes more of a muscular build if that helps” Y/N stuttered out to susannah, the 9-1-1 dispatcher.

“okay, Y/N stay with me. take deep breaths. help is on the way” susannah continued to speak to Y/N.

“y-you we-were the one who called the a-ambulance?” rafe croaked out to Y/N as he finally cracked. he was a mess. tears streaming down his cheeks as he tried to hold in his sobs, but no longer could. he was so tired of fighting to not show any emotion, so he didn’t fight it anymore. he continued through his sobs, “y-you were m-my savior t-that night?” the young man was wrapping his head around the realization that his newly wedded wife was the angel that saved his life all those years ago when he almost ended it after taking too much of the white drug.

Y/N just softly nodded her head, “i was baby… i was. i know i should’ve told you sooner. but i didn’t, i-i wanted to protect you from knowing the full truth because i know you’re gonna beat yourself up over it. that’s how you are; you will get so mad at yourself for something you’ve done that you slowly start to hurt yourself. i can’t let that happen to you baby” Y/N engulfed him into a hug, as her arms cradled his head into her chest as he wept.

“as soon as the ambulance got there, the cops also arrived. i gave my statement and since i was under eighteen, for legal reasons, they never put my name in that statement. that’s why you never knew and why they never told you. my love…. d-don’t be mad please.” the young woman stuttered out, scared her new husband was mad at her.

rafe lifted his head from her chest, sniffling, “i-i could never be mad at you baby…. never. i-i wanna tell you w-what the doctors told m-my dad and i… can i tell you?” Y/N wiped away rafe’s tears that continuously leaked from his eyes, as she nodded in response, wanting to know everything he knew.

it took rafe a moment to compose himself then began, “when i woke up two days later, obviously i told you that the doctor said that if whoever hadn’t called when they did or even 5 minutes later i’d be dead. i never told you why that was”

“what do you mean my love?” Y/N softly spoke as she looked into rafe’s deep blue eyes, with a look of worry in her own eyes to know the truth.

“i mean… the cocaine i took that night had been laced with small amounts of fentanyl which is why i lost complete consciousness and almost stopped breathing. they had to give me three doses of NARCAN and wait for the best. my dad made sure to keep that part secret, because having all of his business partners know about my cocaine problem was bad enough. he didn’t want anyone to know i’d accidentally done fentanyl as well.” rafe sighed as he remembered the look on his father’s face when he woke up: pure disappointment.

“really rafe? really? cocaine overdose? laced with fentanyl?! how do you think that’s going to make the family look? huh? i’m going to have to pay people off from telling others. this cannot get out” ward went on to his son about how he’d screwed up. it’d only been a day since rafe had woken up from his small coma and ward was already being insensitive to the teenage boys drug problem.

“d-dad i’m sorry. i didn’t know how else to cope with my feelings. it was the only escape i had from feeling like shit. w-when i take it, i feel-i feel almost happy” rafe tried to explain to his father, who in return just scoffed harshly.

“rafe… you need to get your shit together. i’m so sick of you coming up with all these excuses. you keep this shit up and you’re out of the house. got it?” ward sneered back to his only son, who only cowered his head down and nodded in return.

“rafe… you never told me that. why?” Y/N asked sweetly as she continued to gaze into rafe’s blue eyes.

“i’m not proud of that moment in my life. i was embarrassed for so many years. my father paid off people from telling others. he was so disappointed in me. you should’ve seen the look in his eyes the day after i woke up.” rafe sighed softly as he spoke.

“hunny, i’m sorry you went through that. never feel embarrassed about your struggles. i hope you know that no matter what, i will always love you. i will never be disappointed in you. i know that’s different coming from me and not him, but just remember i’ll always be by your side” Y/N thought thoroughly as she spoke every word with love.

“after the overdose incident… and seeing how scared my sisters were, and rose, i wanted so badly to get clean but i couldn’t go to rehab because then word would get out and it’d ruin my father’s deals and business. so i had to do it myself. it took awhile… and it was hard. but i eventually did it. after meeting you, well, from when i thought we met for the first time, you gave me strength to stay clean even when i had the urges” rafe smiled through more tears as he looked down at his wife.

“my love, i’m so proud of you. nothing you went through was easy. i hope you know that. and i hope you know i love you so much and if you ever feel like you have an urge you tell me. got it?” she spoke softly as she still caressed his cheeks looking into his eyes and to his lips.

rafe leaned down, planting his lips onto Y/N, kissing them repeatedly, as did she, and planting one last kiss that was full of love and passion, then pulled away.

“i love you baby. you’re my everything. i promise to come to you if i ever need anything or have an urge. i promise to not hurt you like i did to others i love in the past. i won’t put you through all the shit i put everyone else through all those years ago” rafe smiled again down at Y/N.

“i love you too with all my heart. now prove your love mr cameron” Y/N smirked up at rafe as he chuckled loudly.

“your wish is my command… but are you up for it?” he raised an eyebrow in question with a smirk planted on his face.

“i think i’ve rested enough… just give it to me” she smirked as rafe leaned down placing his lips onto hers harshly, pulling away once more.

“got it mrs cameron. got it. i’m gonna give it to you now” he smirked as he flipped the two over so he was hovering over her again.

“love you” she smiled as there noses briskly touched.

“love you too, my savior. now how about some kids?”

tag list:

@slut4drudy @runningfrom2am @maybankslover

[marvel-ouss]

The Way I loved You

Charles Leclerc x Reader, Arthur Leclerc x Reader

Warnings: italics are flashbacks, the timeline is unreliable (Charlotte and Charles are dating and Zak is still McLaren's team principal), mentions of cheating, nicknames in French and Italian, "y/n/n" means "your nickname", screaming, fighting, English is not my first language

Type: fluff and a bit of angst Inspo:

Reader pov

Time goes by and you can’t even feel it. If a year ago you had told me I would be dating Arthur Leclerc I would literally laugh in your face.

I would never imagine dating my ex’s brother, never in a million years. But it end up happening.

I dated Charles for three years, all our friends and family thought we were getting married some day without them knowing, those were the best years of my life, of course it all went south on the end of the third year.

-

Lewis organized a drivers dinner or something like that and Charles as a f1 drivers was expected to be there. He told me the latest he’d arrive was 11pm so he didn’t keep me here alone for too long since Arthur was out with some friends as well.

It’s 3am Arthur arrived one hour ago and not a single glimpse of Cha, he didn’t answer the phone or replied my texts so I was getting worried. I got up from my bed and headed towards Arthur’s bedroom and knocked on his door “Thuthur?”

“Get in y/n/n” he said just loud enough for me to hear on the other side of the door.

I got in and sat on the end of his bed, I could tell I woke him up “Do you have any news on your brother?” He checked his phone “No, he hasn’t answered my texts yet.”

“Alright, thanks Thuthur I’m sorry for waking you up, sleep well” I kiss his cheek and leave the room. As I get to the living room I sit on the couch and open Twitter to see if there were any updates. After a while of swiping trough the timeline I see a video of my boyfriend with a girl I could recognise, Charlotte the first girl I met and could call my friend when I moved to Monaco.

I was left speechless. I could not believe my eyes while the video of my friend and boyfriend kissing played on replay. I could feel the tears starting to fall down my face.

I felt betrayed. I didn't even notice the time passing.

I wake up from my trance when I hear the door unlock. There he was, the man I swore to be my night in a shining armor. The man I loved the most.

“Hi bab-“ “Get out Charles, I don’t want to see you” I don’t even want to listen to his voice, because I know I will forgive him in a blink of an eye. We’ve been here before he fight all the time, for stupid things but this, now this was serious. This was the first time he cheated, and only to make everything better, with my friend.

“What’s wrong babe?” his calmness usually soothes me. Unfortunately all his calmness right now was making me furious.

“Don’t call me babe, not after tonight!”

“Babe I can explain” he widened his eyes and approached me.

“GET THE FUCK WAY FROM ME” I got up from the couch and headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water to calm down.

“Y/n, listen to me!” He says going after me.

“I don’t want to listen, Charles! You went out, you didn’t say a word and I was left worried the entire night!” I kept screaming, I was so angry I started tearing up “I understand you want to go out with your friends, enjoy you're youth and have fun but the least you can do is send me or Arthur a message!” I checked the time on the kitchen’s clock and continued “It’s 5am and I haven’t slept because I was worried! I thought something might have happened to you! Just for me to go on the internet and see you with another woman!”

“Babe, I can expla-“ I take a glass out of the cabinet and fill it with water and say: “No you can’t!”

“Please listen to me!” “I won’t, tell Charlotte I said hi, now leave” he has a shocked look on his face which means I was right, the girl in the video I saw earlier was indeed my old friend.

“The silence says it all. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, when I wake up I’ll make my bags and leave” I say sipping in my cup of water.

“Are you crazy? You are not going anywhere! Not before we talk!” I could tell he was getting desperate. This was all his fault in the first place.

"Now I'm the crazy one?" I turn my back I head to our bedroom so I could get a pillow and a blanket.

Charles enters the room after me and closes the door.

“Please Y/n, let’s talk, I need to explain everything to you, it was a dumb mistake, I shouldn’t have done it. I started drinking and I felt needy but you weren’t there! When I looked at her all a could see was yo-“ “Please Charles, shut up” “-u and I just wanted to kiss you and hug you, but you weren’t ther-“ “SHUT THE FUCK UP! I can’t listen to you anymore! I’m done with your excuses! At the end of the day I’ll be the one to blame because I wasn’t there, and the jokes on me.” I make my way to the bedroom door and open it.

Arthur’s door is open and he is resting his side on the doorframe. “You good?” He asked in a cautious tone.

“Sorry for waking you up but your brother’s a dick!” I make my way down stairs. I could hear Arthur talking to Charles in French but I just went to the couch, laid down and eventually fell asleep.

-

The next morning I packed my things and left, I stayed at Lando’s house for a while until I had the money to buy my own house. I had some money in my savings for as emergency and this was the perfect moment to put it to use. I met Lando a long time ago, when I first came to Monaco, four years ago, it was with the intuition of becoming a f1 photographer, and that ended up becoming true, I was a photographer for McLaren during one year. Zak had a lot to say about Daniel Ricciardo so I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

Danny has a heart of gold and he didn’t deserve half of what he went through on his last year at McLaren.

After leaving McLaren I did some jobs here and there but settled as a Quadrant photo editor and a APM Monaco main photographer. Even with two jobs I still have time for myself, when they need me they give me a call and I go as fast as I can.

It was easy making the money I was missing to buy a house and not even 3 months later I was all settled in my new apartment.

-

Lando puts the last box we brought down from his apartment on the table. I bought a two bedroom apartment in the same building as Lando.

“How could you do this to me? You can't leave meee” Lando said with a fake crying voice.

I burst out laughing “Landoo, stop with the drama, we’ve talked about this. You have my phone number and I’m just two floors down!”

“Oh right I forgot about that part! Seems like I’m not getting rid of you that easily.”

“Lan, I think it’s more the other way around.” We stay silent and the next second both our laughs fill the apartment.

"Sorry to ruin the mood, how are you feeling with all this situation?"

"Honestly I don't know. It feels weird. this is the first year in almost four years that I won't be constantly at the paddock. I'm gonna miss the races and specially the people." I was starting to get nostalgic, thinking of all the moments I spent at the paddock, the people I met and all.

"You can always come by, you're welcome to come with me!"

"Yah, obviously!" I say in a sarcastic tone "The last thing I want to do is fight with Zak again, and I doubt I'll be welcome at the McLaren hospitality"

"Y/n you know a bunch of people, you'd be welcome in all the hospitalities! We'll really miss you around." He says hugging me.

"I'll miss y'all as well" I start crying with my face buried in his neck

"Y/n/n, please stop crying or we'll make a pool in the middle of your living room"

"Sorry" I say stepping away and wiping my tears away. "I'm gonna take a bath and settle in, talk to you later?"

"If you want me to go just say it!" he says stepping out the door "See you tomorrow miss" he kisses my cheek and leaves.

-

I remember being there, in the middle of my apartment, crying my eyes out because of some boy that decided to play with my feelings. Later that night Arthur called to check on me, after all we were pretty close. He came over that night and I got to say everything I was keeping inside of me.

Thur coming over started being something usual so we just got closer and closer.

“Mon ange, do you have any ice cream?” I hear Arthur ask from the living room.

“I only have vanilla ice cream, mio caro” I say from the kitchen door.

“You’re basic, as anyone ever told you that?” He says in a playful tone getting closer, holding my waist and hiding his face in my neck.

“Yes, you have, plenty of times!” I laugh.

“Forget the ice cream, let’s watch a movie and cuddle!” He picks me up and makes his way to the couch. “What do you wanna watch?” He asks putting my feet back on the ground.

I make my best puppy eyes. “No, Y/n, no, please not ‘What’s your number’ again” he says in an annoyed tone. We’ve watched that movies at least 20 times in the last few weeks. “Please, please, please, please, plea-” I keep the puppy eyes to try to convince him. “Okay, you won, but I choose what we’re getting for dinner!” “Deal” I say with a big smile on my face.

The movie ended and Arthur was about to order the food when he got a phone call from his personal trainer so he goes to the other room to answer.

“All good?” I ask when he comes back.

“Yeah, the f2 season starts in three weeks so I need to get in shape before the season start” we keep talking about the f2 season and how excited he is to start racing again. “You should come with me to the races, if your job let’s you of course” he says exited but insecure at the same time.

“I’m not sure, mio caro. Especially with your brother there. I don’t want to make things awkward” I say with a sad tone.

“You still don’t know, do you?” He looks really confused.

“Know what?” I furrow my brows.

“Charles is taking Charlotte to most of the races” and that’s it, replaced like a snap of a finger.

I got lost in my thoughts. Didn't realize I was crying until I feel Arthur hugging me. That was when everything fell down, every tear I held during 6 months, every feeling, all the thoughts, all the love I still felt for Charles. Everything.

"Mon cœur, you don't need to cry anymore, everything will be alright."

I lift my head from his chest "Arthur I'm not sure if I'll ever get over him, he was my first love, he's the person I spent three years of my life with" I sobbed "You don't understand what I'm going through, I loved him more than anything just to be replaced by one of my closest friends, I trusted them. I feel betrayed by the both of them. I don't know if I'm ready to see them together! Thuthur, what do I do?"

"Mon ange, trust me when I tell you that he loved you, he's also hurt by the break up and this was his way to cope, just know that it was real while it lasted."

"If he was hurt he would have tried again, he didn't even call!" I argued

"Of course he didn't. I told him not to." he said really calm

"Why would you do that?" I was so confused, I've been complaining that Charles never tried again but the cause of it has been invited to MY house by ME countless times.

"Would you forgive him? Wait, better question. Would you forget what he did? Or every time you were with him you'd get flashbacks of the video? Don't try blaming it on me because I know that that's what you're doing!" I didn't answer, I just started blankly at the rug on my living room floor. After a while Arthur stood up "I'm sorry but I'm leaving." he made his way to the front door and left. I knew I had fucked up.

-

That night I went to Lando's house to get his opinion on the situation. Lan always has the best advices! He told me that Arthur might care for me a little bit too much and told me that I needed to replace Charles to help with the pain. I still remember his words to this day "When your puppy dies you need to replace him to help you cope with the pain, it doesn't mean you'll stop loving him, he'll always have a special place in your heart but you need to allow another puppy some love as well" yes he compered my situation with puppies! What's in that's kids head, be forreal.

Me and Arthur didn't speak for three weeks, a sent him hundreds of texts but he didn't answer any. So I did what anyone would do: I went to Bahrain with Lando to talk to him.

-

"ARTHUR LECLERC GET BACK HERE!" everybody started looking at me and Arthur. He turns around and when I reach him I wrap my arms around his torso and bury my face in the crook of his neck to feel the smell of his perfume that I loved so much. "I'm so so sorry for not saying a thing that night, I was just left speechless. Everything you said was true I just didn't want to accept it. Then you left and it was already too late. I'm really sorry mio caro"

He hugged me back and lifted me so I could wrap my legs around his waist and hold onto his shoulders. Now we were face to face. "I forgive you mon cœur, I also apologize for ignoring all your attempts to talk to me, I'm sorry cherie"

I just couldn't resist him. After what Lando said and all this time away from Arthur, I knew I needed him in my life. It was not a want, it was a need. So I kissed him. I didn't care about the cameras or about the people around us. It was just me and him in that moment.

I separated my mouth from his to catch my breath and he followed to kiss me again. "Thur, can you put me on the floor please?" I whispered. "Only if you don't run away." he laughs before putting me on the floor. "Grazie mio caro" I smiled at him.

I looked at his beautiful eyes before getting on my tiptoes and kiss him again.

-

I went with him for most of the races, the time we spent in Monaco was enough to make the APM photoshoots and all the Quadrant editing could be done while I was away in other countries.

I avoided both Charles and Charlotte. I couldn't deal with any of them. I didn't want to ruin my happiness.

Right now I've been dating with Arthur for seven months and his f2 championship is going great. I still run from my problems instead of solving them.

Today is race day so there's drives, wags, cameras and teams everywhere. Me and Arthur were walking to the Dams motorhome so he could check the strategy before the race. "Y/n?" I didn't answer. I've been ignoring Arthur for the past 30 minutes cause since early this morning he decided that he wanted to challenge my patience. He only called me by my name (which never happens), closed every door in my face and disagreed with everything I said even if I was right! The man's insane! So I decided not to talk to him. we where passing the interview zone when he held my waist so I looked at him "Baby, Mon ange, mon cœur, cherie,-" he said burying his face in the crook of my neck "That's enough Arthur" I started laughing and he started tickling me. "Stoopppp, Thur. Please stop" I can't stop laughing. "Apologize for not speaking to me."

"Thur, stop please, I apologize" a say pushing is hands away from my waist.

"Come here" before I could even think he had already thrown me over his shoulder like a potato bag. "Thur put me down!" I couldn't breath from laughing so much. "Nope, I'm gonna carry you to the hospitality"

All the laughing and talking got interrupted "Arthur? Y/n?"

Charles pov

“The car seem-“ I stopped hearing the interviewer when I heard her laugh, the laugh I didn’t hear for so long, I always loved her laugh. I loved her smile, her eyes, her hair, well I loved her. I love.

I don’t remember much after I left the club on that night but I know we had a fight. What I did was wrong. More than wrong. I don’t know what got into my head! I love her. Even after all this time I still love her. Charlotte means nothing compared to her.

I wanted to go after her but Arthur told me do drop it, everything he says was right but I didn’t want to listen. Then I realised that it might be for the best. That’s why I went back to Charlotte so I could try to get over her.

But I need to respect her happiness. She’s with Arthur and I know he's good for her.

“Charles, are you with us?” I hear the interviewer

“Sorry, can you excuse me?” I turn towards what I believe was the dams hospitality “Arthur? Y/N?”

~

Hi everyone, this is my first time writing something a publishing it. So please be nice :)

Let me know if I got something wrong and let me know your opinions.

Should I do a part two?

[wayfayrr]

Hello! If I may, I’d like to make a request.

When I was little (between 4 and 8), my brother and I played Ocarina of Time constantly. It was our go-to game when hanging out. We replayed it and found all secrets and stuff. I was wondering if you could do a platonic self aware OOT!Link one shot? One where Link considers the player to be like a sibling to him since they grew up together in a way?

Thank you so much! I really enjoy your work ❤️

you're very welcome anon! this was such a sweet request to write!! I went with the post timeskip link for this seeing as I've already written one for Majora's mask link and I thought it would be more interesting to have that difference between the two pieces <3 I hope you'll enjoy this

[masterlist]

“Hey, I’ve been wanting to ask for a while… do you still have that old copy of Ocarina of time we used to play together? I’ve been kinda wanting to replay it. It’s a bit of a pain to get a new one or an emulator though so…”

“Uh? I think so, I can check in my attic later and drop it around your place tomorrow if I can?”

“That sounds perfect, thanks for the favour man.”

That was a fairly productive phone call, now I hopefully won’t have to mess about with an emulator or shell out for the subscription to play it again. Seeing as Nintendo doesn’t want to make their old catalogue accessible. All I need to do on my end is to wait and possibly google how to set up an N64 in the meantime.

Turns out that we did still have the old thing, and that it isn’t all that hard to set up either so it’s not like it takes too long for me to hear the calmingly melancholic tones of the game’s opening theme. Our old save file is still there too, although some of the stats on the file seem to have gotten a little bit corrupted because I’m convinced we completed it fully. Although it’s been what like 10 years or more since I would’ve last played, it makes sense that I might just be misremembering things. No harm in seeing where we left off though is there?

Well even though the file says otherwise, looking through Link’s inventory really wants to disprove that - there’s something with the same sprite as Zelda’s letter where it should just be an empty slot. It’s not got a name, if I hover over it it simply brings up a missing value error and the button prompt me to read it. It’s not like there’s any issue if I did open it, it’s an old save file so even if it does corrupt I won’t lose anything. 

Nothing happened, just a fade to blank before it glitched out and the inventory screen popped back up so that I could close it and have a look around…

How did Link turn around as I was paused in the inventory and how did his face get so close to the screen?

“[Name]? I knew you’d be back at some point! I knew you wouldn’t just leave your older brother for good… you wouldn’t would you?”

“...How do you know my name..?”

I know that Ai has gotten incredibly good recently but this is an N64, an unmodded one at that, so whatever the hell is happening right now can’t be due to that. This feels like it could be the start to a creepypasta though with everything going on right now - is this like a real life ben drowned - no it can’t be, he’d be crying blood if it were the case and he wouldn’t be as friendly either. 

“Because you told me it all those years ago when you first played through the game? You always spoke to me like I was a real person, like you saw me as your older brother, so it’s only natural that I started to see you like a little sibling right? Then when you disappeared I got so worried, It’s been so long but you’ve gotten so much older! Did you pull the mastersword yourself, because this much time can’t have really passed can it?... Can it?”

He looks almost like he’s about to cry, I should be caref- why am I so worried about hurting the feelings of a fictional character? Is it cause he sees me like a sibling, a younger one; because he knows me from when I was younger; or because he seems so attached to me already? Maybe I should just… turn it off so I don’t have to deal with it.

“I don’t remember how long it’s been, a good few years at least, Since I’ve played it. I wasn’t exactly planning to-”

“Is that what you used to control me!? I’ve never been able to get a good look at it before. Would you mind bringing it closer?”

“...Yeah I can bring it closer.”

The way he interrupted me was so so sad, he’s forcing himself to be cheery when he looks like he’s about to break down, like how an older brother would act. He really sees himself as my older brother doesn’t he? I have to admit that the way he’s leaning against the screen like an excited kid is also pretty cute I won’t lie to myself, if it weren’t for how insane the situation is I don’t think I’d mind him being my younger brother. He’s younger than me now anyway so that makes far more sense. 

Is the screen cracking beneath him? 

It’s definitely cracking under his weight, there are seconds left before it shatters.

“It’s so simple and yet it was the reason that you were able to-”

Glass can only last so long. And now he’s out, lying on my floor in a shocked heap with glass shards surrounding and covering him. After a couple of seconds of neither of us knowing what to do, we both snap into action at the same time, while I try to help him up and check for any serious wounds… he’s just laughing with the widest goofiest smile on his face, grabbing at my arms like I’m nothing but a wisp of a dream. 

“I - wow I - I could never have imagined that I could - that this - that this was even an option for me…”

“But I can be your brother in person now can’t I?”

[andreafmn]

Speak | Chapter 7

Word Count: 2.8K

Story Description: Bella Swan was a disaster when Edward had left. Deciding she needed a little help, Charlie Swan receives with open arms his younger daughter (Y/N) Swan. She helps Bella during her depression and becomes inseparable from her long-lost friend Jacob. What she didn’t expect was falling for a hotheaded short-tempered silver wolf.

Chapter: 7/?

A/N: I did it! I said I would post on Sunday and I finished. I was planning on making the chapter longer but decided on dividing the drama into another chapter. So, enjoy this bit of fluff for the time being 🤭🤭 My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing or buy me a coffee

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Chapter 7

Overlooked?

Inferior?

Played?

(Y/N) didn’t know what she was feeling. When she had woken the day after Christmas she had been saddened. The next few days, her turmoil had grown into confusion.  Her mind had not stopped racing since that moment with Paul. Those few minutes had thrown her for a loop, wondering how a stranger had been more thoughtful than her own boyfriend, a boy she had known for the better part of her life.

Then, there were those dreams. Thoughts that spiraled through her head but they felt so real. The emotions that she experienced in those dreams felt real. But there was no way they could be. Jacob was the one she wanted, surely everything else was simply a fluke. A rip in the seams of the fabric of reality.

It didn’t matter that they barely talked about anything but Bella or him. Or that without those topics their conversations were short and meaningless. He did care for her, he always had. He had chosen to be with her kept replaying in her head. Words that had become a mantra of appeasement.

Maybe her head was playing tricks on her, but her eyes weren’t.

She went down the stairs, the smell of lunch dancing in her nose. Bella was already sitting on the dining table, spaced out and munching on a piece of bread. Yet it was not her sister that caught her attention, not even the fact that she had cooked that day. It was the bracelet that dangled from her wrist. A silver chain with a wood-carved wolf charm.

“Afternoon,” Bella muttered. “You’re up late.”

“I-is that what Jake gave you?” the girl croaked out, tears stinging the back of her eyes. “That bracelet. Was that his Christmas gift?”

“Oh,” Bella responded. “Yes. Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Uh, yes, It’s very pretty,” she managed to say. “Can you excuse me for a second?”

Anger. That’s what she felt. Anger, envy, and absolute jealousy. And she was ready to let Jake know that he was the one responsible for what she felt. She needed to understand, she needed to hear from his mouth that it was truly her that he had chosen. Maybe just like her dreams of Paul, that gift had only been a fluke.

A knock on the door stopped her in her tracks as she headed back up the stairs to find her phone. Whoever was at her door had just saved Jake from starting the new year single. Instead, she clothed herself with a jacket to hide the pajamas she was wearing and went to the door. She had no idea who would be behind it.

“Paul,” she said as she swung the door open. (Y/N) was sure surprise was evident on her face as she felt her cheeks flush with blood. “Hi. What, um, what’re you doing here?”

“Hey. I’m supposed to check up on your sister, make sure everything’s alright,” Paul responded, his hand scratching the back of his neck. “Sam was the one that found her a couple of months ago in the woods and he asked me to come see how she was doing.”

“It seems everyone’s Bella’s biggest fan today.” She couldn’t help the roll of her eyes, the anger from that morning still fresh in her veins. “Sorry, that wasn’t really directed toward you.”

“Well, that was just my excuse to come here,” he grinned. “I needed a good enough reason to show up out of nowhere. Don’t tell your sister, but I wouldn’t come all this way to see her.”

“Then, why are you here, Mr. Lahote?” (Y/N) laughed. “Or do you frequently show up at people’s houses unannounced?”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s see, you showed up at my place today and you’ve gone to Jake’s house twice now.” His face went frigid as he remembered the first time he went to the Black residence, even worse that she knew about it. “Yes, I know how you told Jacob to stay away from me. Still haven’t been able to wrap my head around that.”

“Oh, that was,” he stammered. “It wasn’t… I mean, I wasn’t…”

“It’s fine, Paul. Honestly forgotten,” she grinned jokingly. “But what I do wanna know is why you’re here today. Now that I know you’re not here for my sister.”

“Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to, you know, hang out.”

“Hang out?”

“Yeah, if you weren’t doing anything, of course,” he chuckled awkwardly. “I thought maybe we could go to the beach or something.”

“In the middle of winter, the water will be freezing! As a matter of fact, I don’t know how you can be in jeans and a long-sleeve tee.

“I run quite hot,” he laughed. “But what do you say? Do you wanna hang out… w-with me?”

(Y/N) thought for a second. On one hand, she wanted to know who this person was. The boy that had gifted her such a thoughtful present without even knowing her name —at least, not formally. The same boy that had somehow made his way into each and every one of her dreams. On the other, Jake would grow crazy in anger at the mere fact that Paul was at her door. Luckily for the former boy, (Y/N) was feeling particularly angry with Jacob that morning.

“You know what? Why not?” she conceded. “Why don’t you come in while I get changed? Give me like twenty minutes, tops.”

“Oh, uh, sure,” he smiled. “Your dad won’t mind?”

“He’s at work right now and I doubt he’d allow me to leave you out here in the snow,” she laughed as she turned to go inside, very aware of Paul’s presence behind her. “Though, if he were here he would have made it very clear that he is the owner of a couple of guns.”

“Well, I’m glad he is not here then.”

“Help yourself to anything in the fridge or the kitchen. I’ll be back down in a bit.”

She disappeared up the stairs, a playful grin plastered on her face. Unlike with Jake, there was a calmness to Paul’s presence. Where her heart would race with uneasy nervousness when with Jacob, it remained a steady flutter with the Lahote boy. Another fluke, perhaps?

(Y/N) changed out of her pajamas as quickly as possible, her eyes trained on the dreamcatcher that hung above her bed. The rays of the morning sun were hitting the stones, reflecting a blue shine on the wall. The glittering light danced on the flat surface, filling the room with the same giddy energy she was already feeling.

There was excitement coursing through her and she didn’t understand the reason. She didn’t know why it had been so easy to say yes to Paul. Something deep inside her wanted to know more about him –know everything about him. It was the same part of her that felt something for him, the boy she only knew by name.

She gave her outfit a once over in the mirror. Her knitted sweater and blue jeans, even for the beach, did not feel good enough. But it would have to do. She knew that for some odd reason, nothing she wore would feel just right, because something –whatever it was—was concealing itself between their words.  

“You ready to go?” (Y/N) asked as she came down the stairs wrapping a blue scarf around her neck.

“Yes, uh. You look…” he cleared his throat, stumbling as he stood from the sofa. “You look nice.”

“You flatter me, Paul,” she chuckled. “You sure you don’t want something more to cover up? I mean, you might run warm but you’re still human. I brought this sweater down, just in case. It’s the biggest one I have.”

“You know what, sure,” he smiled. Even from where he was standing he could tell it smelled like her and it would be a way to feel closer to her. “Better to be safe than sorry, right?”

“Hope it fits.”

The sounds of their laughter mixed in the air, a perfect symphony of sounds swirling in the air. Paul struggled for a second to get the sweater past his shoulders, careful not to rip a single seam of the garment. It was snug to his body, slightly too tight with his own shirt under. But it smelled like her. All almond vanilla and pine.

“How do I look?”

“Like it’s a size too small,” she chuckled. “I can raid my dad’s closet for something that might fit better.”

“No, this is good,” he retorted. “I’m ready to go if you are.”

“Alright, then. Let’s.”

She followed him out of the house after making sure to leave a note for Bella and Charlie that she would be out.  (Y/N) was sure Bella already knew. Her ever-present silence drowned the house with her sorrow. She was quiet, but she sure was always alert.

(Y/N) thought for a moment about what it was that she was doing once she found herself in Paul’s truck. As they drove out of Forks and into the reservation she wondered what her intentions were. Was she hoping Jake saw them? Hoping he was angered at the sight and finally confessed how he felt about her? Or was her curiosity toward Paul reason enough to be there with him?

The beach was deserted. Not many people dared to be out by the shore during the cold season, yet there they were. Paul rounded the car and helped her out. The simple gesture stretched a smile onto the girl’s face. It was something she had never expected from him. Then again, everything about him was new to her.

The sound of the waves filled the silence between them, the words unsaid dancing between them. It wasn’t uncomfortable but they were both itching to speak. Yet no words seemed good enough or right enough.  

“So, what did you have in mind?” (Y/N) asked.

“Honestly. I didn’t think I would get this far,” he chuckled. “Don’t know what we could do.”

“Well then, we could start with a round of twenty questions,” she offered. “Seeing as we’re still strangers to each other.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

They sat on a log of driftwood, ping-ponging questions back and forth. The questions were simple enough to begin with –favorite color, songs, food, etc.—as they established a natural flow to their conversation. Once the words had started spilling, the current moved swiftly. It was easy, it felt natural.

“Do you see yourself staying in Forks?”

(Y/N) thought for a moment. The town had always called to her. Although many would grow tired of the rain and the cold, she seemed to prefer it. But she had always been afraid she would feel stuck, just like her mother had.

“Honesty thing,” he said, stopping her rambling thoughts.

“I could,” she smiled softly. “As much as I would miss my mom and Phil, the spontaneity of living with them, and all that, living here –in small towns like these—it’s different. You don’t get a diner that knows your favorite food in a big city. You don’t get neighbors you’ve known your whole life or quiet walks around the woods either.”

“So, you’re planning on staying here, then?” Paul asked, a bright gleam filling his eyes. “Even after Bella gets better?”

“I think, it’s my turn to ask a question,” she laughed. “Unless you’re planning on forfeiting your last question with that.”

“Alright, this is your last question,” he smiled. “Choose wisely.”

“Why did you ask me to hang out if you didn’t have anything planned for us to do?”

“Honesty thing?”

He smiled at the phrase. It had become a prevalent sentence as they each answered questions. (Y/N) had been the first one to say it as she asked about his high school days. She’d asked him to go do the “honesty thing,” which he had laughed at. But she explained that if either of them said that question, the other would give a truthful answer.

“Honesty thing.”

“Didn’t think you would say yes.”

“Why not?”

He didn’t have a good enough reason to give her. There was Jake, but that was obvious. The unfortunate overbearing boyfriend that simply did not deserve her. But he couldn’t tell her that. He couldn’t bring himself to let her know that the universe had decided that they would be bonded for life, whether it was what they wanted or not. He didn’t want to bring her into the supernatural world and end up with a worse fate than her sister. She deserved the truth, but it was not something he could give her. At least, not yet.

“You know, the whole Jake thing,” he chose to answer. “He doesn’t seem to like me much, and the feeling’s mutual. Don’t think he’d be very happy if he knew we were together right now.”

“I don’t get why you two don’t like each other,” she muttered. “And I guess the whole ‘stay away from her’ deal won’t help to mend that.”

“Well…”

“I won’t get in the middle of that pissing party,” she laughed. “But I do want to know why you felt inclined to say that.”

“I could answer that, but is my turn to ask a question, is it not?” Paul joined her in laughter.

“Fine. Go ahead.”

“What do you see in Jacob?” he mumbled. “Honesty thing.”

And what could she say at that when she didn’t even know? She had liked him since she knew what that meant. He was the boy that had first made her feel butterflies in her stomach. The first boy she wanted to kiss, to hug, to be as close as possible. She just didn’t know why.

Jacob had always been there. Every single summer, he was a constant in her life and he’d somehow made his way into her heart. One second he was just her friend, and the other he was just there. And she believed he always would be.

“I guess it was simply inevitable,” she breathed. “We basically grew up together. We’ve shared so many moments and experiences that I guess it was the natural way of things.”

“You’re saying it just happened then? No actual reason to be with him?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never thought of it before,” she sighed. “He’s always been kind and charming. He’s a good guy with a good heart. Maybe that’s what I see in him.”

“Hm,” was all Paul could answer.

“What?” (Y/N) chuckled questioningly. “What, Paul?”

“Not my place to say,” he said gazing into her eyes. He stared at the way the orange sun painted her face with a graceful glow, the way her hair danced around her face with the wind, the way he’d mouth stretched into a perfect smile. “But to answer why I felt inclined to tell Jake to stay away from you, it’s because he doesn’t deserve someone like you.”

“And who is someone like me?”

“You’re selfless, you’re compassionate, you’re everything he is not, (Y/N),” he told her. “You really are a good person with a good heart.”

“How could you know that, Paul? You’ve known me no more than a couple of hours.”

“You left your whole life behind to be with your sister while she’s going through a hard time. You’ve been taking care of your dad at the same time as keeping your mom sane with everything that’s been going on with Bella,” he counted. “You even told me how your mom almost took away your license when you started to drive because you crashed a car to avoid hitting some rabbits. I don’t know of many people that would do that.”

“And Jacob doesn’t deserve someone like that?”

“Maybe someone like that,” he responded as his stare grew serious. “But not you.”

(Y/N) didn’t know what the feeling that was growing in her meant. She could feel a comforting warmth filling her body, embracing her fears and her worries. She knew she should have defended Jacob. Told Paul all the good qualities her boyfriend had and what it was that she loved about him. Yet, the words felt stuck in her throat and they refused to come out.

“Are you hungry?” (Y/N) blurted. “I could go for some food right now.”

“(Y/N)…”

“Aren’t you hungry?”

Paul looked into her eyes and saw just how desperate she was to change the topic. She was being faced with some realities she did not want to think of and it had been because of him. He was making her question things she would have never done so.

But he knew it was torturing her. He could feel it. “There’s a good place down the street we could go to,” he said instead. “I am hungry as well.”

“Alright, let’s go there then.”

Next ->

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[hey-kae]

In love with all you fics! Ugh I’ve read them multiple times bcs I can’t get enough of them. I was wondering if you could do one where Max is with Kelly (or just a random OC with a kid) but has a baby girl with the reader. The readers daughter is doubting Max’s love for her since she sees how much time he spends with his girlfriend child. And the reader and Max don’t exactly have the best relationship since it was only supposed to be a one night stand but they are now bonded for life. Can the reader be very shy, understanding of Max’s situation and caring but when it comes to her baby she takes out her claws. Idk I just love me some f1!Dad lol The reader can either end up with Max or another driver I just want some good angst with a fluff ending 🥲

Seamless Transition

Pairing: dad!max verstappen x female reader

Warnings: Language, mentions and implication of sex, mention of pregnancy.

a/n: in a hypothetical, unrealistic world where i have a child with Max, my only request would be for jos to stay tf away from my kid💀 i switched kelly with an oc cause i don’t feel comfortable writing about irl partners in situations like these. anyway, i hope you enjoy this! Feedback is appreciated… (i’m happy u enjoy my writing, anon!!💕)

“Pa” is dutch for “dad” apparently…

All throughout your life, there's always been one sentence that felt provocative and almost stupid, one that was widely known, widely repeated and reused, ringing in your ear as it rolled off different tongues, with different tones and accents but the same challenging certainty crippling behind its words.

"Your whole life can change in a day." People would insist and you would absolutely refuse to believe in such saying, until you found yourself staring at a positive pregnancy test that was definitely supposed to come out negative; at least you were hoping and praying that it would.

Instead, the plus sign felt like a mocking nemesis, pointing a ridiculing finger at you and laughing its heart out as the memories from over a week ago played, replayed, and rewinded in your mind like a broken record you couldn't stop the spin of. The only thing left for you to see was the hazy, blurry image of Max on top of you as the two of you engaged in a drunken mistake that left its permanent mark on your lives in the form of a child.

Was it exactly the right time for a baby to show up in your life? No, far from it, but that mistake ended up giving you the most precious gift of your lifetime, a baby girl that quickly became the one person in this wicked world that you'd be more than ready to defend with your blood and life.

Fast forward four years, it was safe to say that little Lilly Verstappen was the center of your world and the most important person in your life by a long shot. She was a ball of sunshine that lit up your days with the smallest of smiles and a tiny glimpse of her sparkling blue eyes.

Her features were a mix of you and Max. It was like she chose the best out of each of her parents and adopted it as her own.

At the time, telling Max that you were pregnant was the most nerve wracking thing you'd ever done, rightfully so since the two of you were merely friends that hooked up, acquaintances that didn't exactly get along smoothly but shared a night together as more of an accurate description. There is no denying that the both of you freaked out about the outcome but Max was supportive nonetheless. Sure, everything between you and him was tense but he was still just as understanding as you were. Eventually, you had come to the conclusion that parenting a child together wouldn't be the worst thing. You'd be able to manage it.

He gets to see her on his free days where he's home and you get to keep her when he's away, bar a few weekends where he invited you to watch the grand prix so his daughter could watch him race, as per her own request a few months after after she started talking.

However, it should've been obvious that things were too smooth sailing for the peace to last. You, Max and Lilly often dined together from time to time to give her the best out of a not so ideal situation, a taste of having both her parents by her side at the same time. Many afternoons were spent with you over at Max's apartment or his at yours with toys spread out on the floor and the three of you entertaining Lilly as best as you could, sometimes even putting her to sleep together only to fall into a tense and awkward silence that threatened to explode within seconds when her eyes would fall shut. Despite everything, things had went as far as taking road-trips together and enjoying your daughter's sweet moments and giggles on the way to whatever destination Max planned to surprise her with.

To put it briefly, besides the bond Max shared with his daughter, you were now somewhat used to his presence. To a certain degree, the lines of just co-parenting that you agreed on had blurred.

All was perfectly well until Max sat you down and told you he was dating someone and that she had a kid as well, both of you questioning how his time with Lilly would be affected by the presence of another woman, Valerie and another child around. He told you that maybe they can be friends, the other kid also being a girl, Ella and just a few months older than Lilly.

That conversation happened around a year ago and while there never was any bad blood between you and Max's girlfriend, it seemed like things weren't as smooth sailing on Lilly's side.

One day, as Max dropped off Lilly at your place, you noticed a frown on your daughter's face, her hand up to her mouth as she bit her nails with her head slightly bowed. It was an unmistakable expression.

"Is everything okay?" You asked Max as you picked Lilly up, her arms wrapping around your neck immediately.

"She seems a little upset but she wouldn't tell me why." He explained, reaching over and fluffing Lilly's hair.

"You don't wanna say goodbye to pa, angel?" He asked her softly.

She twisted in your arms and wrapped him in a hug, giving him a kiss on the cheek while he smiled and rubbed her back.

"Bye-bye, pa." Her small voice spoke.

"I will see you in a week, princess. Okay?"

With that and a small nod from Lilly, Max left, closing the door behind him as you carried your daughter inside, into the living room where she got preoccupied with a coloring book and some pencils while you eyed her attentively as she began scribbling onto the already messy pages.

"Hey, Lilly." You called to catch her attention, "How was your time with pa, sweetie?"

Moving to sit by her side, you pulled her onto your lap, brushing her soft blonde hair behind her ears. She carried the coloring book over and kept coloring as you kissed her head.

"It was okay." She replied with a small shrug.

"What did you do? Did you have fun with him?"

She smiled and nodded, "He got us ice-cream and i helped him to train then we we played with Poot and small cars." She gushed, tossing one coloring pencil on the floor and hopping off to grab her purple teddy bear at the mention of his name.

"That's good, princess." You watched her dig through her bag for the bear, in your mind a million different thoughts because she still wasn't acting normally.

Usually, she'd be gushing about her time with Max when he dropped her off, talking, telling and retelling you every detail until she fell asleep but it seemed like you had to pull the information out of her this time, and coupled with the upset face she had on earlier, it left you suspicious.

Figuring you'd have to find out about what went wrong in a different way, you decided to change the subject.

"What do you want for dinner?"

Following that and her answer to the question, the two of you headed for the kitchen where she sat by the table in the corner, drawing on loose papers while you cooked for the two of you, then you told Lilly to put away her pens and papers in her room and you set the table to eat when she came back.

The night went smoothly after dinner. You got Lilly to shower then dried her hair before putting her to bed early for school tomorrow then left her room to retrieve the laundry from the dryer, folding each item neatly and separating the clothes into two stacks, yours and Lilly's.

On your way to your room, you stopped by your daughter's room to drop off her clothes.

Not wanting to disturb her slumber, you placed the stack on her desk and figured you'd just put them away tomorrow morning. However, as you picked the laundry basket back up, you noticed some interesting drawings on some of the papers on the desk.

With a deep set frown twisting your expression, you picked up the papers, tossed them in the basket and rushed to your room.

Laundry was long forgotten as you launched yourself onto your bed with Lilly's drawings in your hand.

Paper after paper, you scanned her various drawings of stick figures. Each one was drawn in a different color and you knew your daughter enough to know who each color symbolized.

A purple stick figure with blonde, or rather yellow hair was always drawn at a distance from everyone else, often times at the bottom corner of the page, with a sad expression drawn onto its face.

Your heart shattered because purple was her favorite color. Purple was her.

The other people portrayed were often holding hands, two tall figures on the sides with a smaller one in the middle.

The only other time someone was drawn alongside the purple stick figure on the bottom was in one drawing and the person symbolized was taller than the one in purple and was scribbled in dark green, a color you often chose to buy your things in.

You were bewildered as you stared at the papers, dropped them on the mattress then picking them up again to stare some more.

Was Lilly feeling neglected when she spent time with Max?

Every additional detail you noticed in the drawings angered you more, especially her attempt the draw a tongue poking out of the smaller stick figure between the two tall ones, Ella presumably.

While the little girl always seemed polite and harmless, it wasn't a secret how mean children could be.

You'd have to talk to Max about this.

Within seconds, your phone was in your clutch, ready to call Lilly's father but something stopped you. You needed to ask Lilly about her drawings first, about how things were between her and Max and how things were between her and Ella.

The plush mattress welcomed you with open arms as you fell back onto it, sighing heavily as the thought of your daughter feeling left out. Needless to say, it was a sleepless night for you. You sat in bed, pondering the possible situations and conversations you'd have to have in the morning.

You just hoped it would all work out at the end, that everything you were assuming would be just that, assumptions, because you might be completely understanding of Max's relationship and job, but nothing would be stopping you from defending your daughter and making sure she's getting the treatment and care she deserves.

Max was so insistent that he wanted to be in her life, wanted to be her dad, so he better be acting like it.

—

At sunrise, you were up and so was Lilly, tired eyes watching you as she ate her breakfast at the kitchen table and you prepared her school lunchbox. Despite complaints and grumblings, she had gotten dressed and sat in front of you for you to do her hair.

However, as you rushed through the different morning chores and rituals, only one thing was on your mind. How the hell we you supposed to bring up last night's subject to Lilly in a way that wouldn't cause her to repress whatever was happening?

Max usually called before school to chat with her a bit and say good morning. After the phone call would be a perfect opportunity.

A few minutes later, you grabbed your car keys and your daughter bag and just like always, as you headed for the front door, your phone rang and Max's name flashed on the screen.

You handed Lilly the phone and she immediately answered, pressing the device to her ear while the two of you walked to the car, your hand holding onto her free one.

In the silence of the vehicle, you listened in on the conversationsr as you started driving.

"Choco corn flakes and milk." Lilly's small voice replied to Max who was probably asking her about her breakfast.

"No, pa. I didn't have homework. I was with you yesterday, silly." A small giggle echoed in the car.

...

The conversation went on for a few minutes, leaving you about 10 other to interrogate Lilly.

"Daddy says hi to you." She smiled at you and handed you the phone when she hung up.

"Oh. Daddy is the best, isn't he?" You tested with a false grin.

"Yeah." Lilly hummed half heartedly and you gripped onto that loose thread as you took a left turn.

"You have fun with him and Ella when you're at his place?"

"Yes, mommy. But pa and Ella have more fun together." She shrugged her shoulders, "They laugh so much, sometimes i don't know why. Maybe he loves her more, because he wants to marry her mommy."

Your heart broke at the way her voice shifted from cheery to dull and tinged with disappointment. From what you saw, Max was a good father, but obviously you couldn't be there for all the time he spends with Lilly so you clearly can't be sure of how well he's fulfilling the role of a dad.

You slowed the car down a little. Some delay from school wouldn't be much of a deal, especially in this case.

"You don't like being at pa's place? Does he not play with you?" You asked cautiously, not wanting to feed into the idea that Max doesn't love her as much as he loves Ella, because despite that statement being the main thought claiming your mind, you wouldn't want to lead Lilly to believe in that further.

"I just get bored sometimes, when pa is with Ella or Valerie. But it's okay. I'm a big girl and big girls sit alone like grown ups sometimes."

You hummed to show her you were listening and miraculously, she carried on talking, "I know pa loves Valerie but she's a meanie. She shouts all the time."

Your heart was beating increasingly fast, "She does, baby? Has she ever shouted at you?"

"No." She replied too fast.

"Lilly, don't lie to mommy. No one is allowed to scream at you, princess so if anyone does, you need to tell me." You said with a gentle voice.

"Sometimes she shouts at me... but it's okay, because she shouts at Ella too."

Just as she spit that out, you pulled up in front of her school, your heart heavy with Lilly's thoughts now and your mind turbulent with worry over your daughter's feelings. You were already planning Max's murder... and maybe Valerie's.

You dropped her off and drove back home like a mad woman. Before even making your way up to your apartment, your phone was against your ear, ringing as you waited for Max to pick up.

"What's up?" His chill voice asked.

"We need to talk. Come over." You hung up and stormed upstairs.

The half hour it took Max to arrive and knock at you door seemed to last forever and ever but when the doorbell finally rang and echoed through the apartment, you swung it open harshly and was met with confused blue eyes and furrowed brows.

"What's happening? Is Lilly okay?"

"Get in, Max." You gestured inside and moved out of the way.

Max was clueless and confused as he walked inside the familiar, calm apartment and sat down on the couch centering the living room, looking behind him to watch as you walked over and sat in a loveseat on his side, a troubled, unsettling look on your face.

"Look, i don't wanna come off as rude but you out of all people know that i will always go out of my way and try my hardest to protect Lilly and make sure she's happy." You started lightly, making Max slightly nervous. He leaned forward so his arms were resting on his knees, his expression showing hints of worry now as he gaped at you.

"What? Protect her from what exactly? I don't understand." He asked.

"Are Lilly and Ella on good terms?" A blunt question left your mouth.

Max's eyes widened for a mere second as he absorbed the shock of such interrogation. In his head, he searched through all the memories he had of the two young girls together, no red flags making themselves known. He was wondering where all of this was coming from too.

"I don't think i've seen them disagree or fight. Why?" He answered but you didn't acknowledge his question.

"What exactly do you guys do when Lilly's staying at your place? How do you pass time?" You felt like a detective and you hated it but you needed to know everything, needed Max to know how his daughter felt and see his reaction to it, see if he was taking his role as her dad seriously.

"Like normally, really. Breakfast, playing, training, lunch, a drive around or a walk, maybe going to a park, then dinner and just some sitting around before going to bed. You need to tell me if something is wrong." He explained then returned back to wondering why did it seem so urgent that he comes over if this is what you wanted to talk about.

"Max, do you pay attention to Lilly's mood when she's with you?" Desperation and frustration were starting to lace your voice and slip out between words as you watched Max frown.

"Why do i feel like you're hiding something and throwing accusations? I'm Lilly's dad. I need to know if something is going on." He started getting angry.

"Are you acting like it? You practically begged to be in her life. You repeated it a thousand fucking times that you can be the dad she deserves. Are you actually doing that?" You got up and found yourself pacing behind the couch where Max was sat.

"What the hell? What the fuck makes you think i'm not properly taking care of her? Fucking tell me." He turned in his seat to look at your constantly moving figure, his eyebrows raised and his mouth agape in a mix of anger and confusion.

"She did, Max! She made me think that." You shouted, "She was saying things like how it's okay that she sits alone and gets bored and, fuck- just feeling left out."

"What?" He was shocked, the words you said making him stand to his feet, properly turning around to look at you.

"Look, i've always been understanding of your job, of your relationship, of the presence of another child in your life but never, never will i ever tolerate knowing my daughter is feeling left out and alone when she's with you. I grew up feeling that way, lonely and i sure as fuck won't allow that to happen to Lilly." You were furious with how calm he was about this while your blood was a mere celsius away from boiling. Not once in your life were you ever this angry but when Lilly was on the line, you were a different person.

"I promise you, i never leave her alone." He defended.

"Then why did she say you love Ella more than her? Tell me why?" You shouted, "You want to be her dad, act like it!" You were teetering close on the edge of loosing all composure and control.

"I'm trying!" He shouted back, "You gotta keep it in mind that this is new to me. This is my first time having a kid of my own! Just because you so naturally adjusted to it, it doesn't mean that it's gonna come so effortlessly for me too. I'm trying to make the best out an unconventional and weird situation, I'm really trying to be a good dad for Lilly."

You fell silent and leaned against the back of the couch, rubbing at your forehead out of stress, the wrinkles of a frown creasing your skin as your thoughts raced.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see a fidgety Max.

He cared. You didn't know him that much but you definitely knew him enough to realize and see that. He was clearly trying but was also failing at some part of the whole parenting role without even realizing.

Like he said, having a child was something that both of you were continuously getting used to so, to some degree, you couldn't blame him.

"We should stop screaming at each other. It wouldn't be good to go back to fighting." He referred to the earlier days before the hookup and the pregnancy, where you and Max in the same room inevitably meant an incoming explosion.

"Yeah." You muttered, "Yeah, you're right."

You eyed him cautiously, not knowing where to go from here.

Luckily, he gave you a small smile and patted the space beside him on the couch, "Come here. We need to figure out a solution. I really want the best for Lilly."

You sighed and allowed your shoulders to drop, ignoring the little tingling in your heart at the way Max was smiling at you. You just took a seat at a comfortable distance from him, slacking against the back cushions of the sofa and pulling a pillow into your lap for comfort, all while Max watched your moves attentively.

"Tell me what she said first. We need to figure out where things went to shit first, right?"

"Yeah, that's a good call." You confirmed as you picked at the skin by your nails, "She said that you and Ella have more fun together, that you laugh more and she doesn't know why..."

"Okay..."

"That you love Ella more because you're in love with her mother. I think that's the thing that i hated hearing, because i understand not being able to give her your undivided attention all the time but i just don't want her to feel like her dad is favoring someone else over her, you know?" You teared up at the thought of Lilly not having the assurance that both her parents love her.

Taking notice of your glistening eyes, Max patted your shoulder, taking you by surprise. It had you thinking how weird it, two people who have literally seen and touched almost all of each other's bodies at some point, being so awkward about a touch to the shoulder that lasted maybe a total of 3 seconds.

"We'll figure it out. Lilly will always be my priority. I will make up for everything, i promise." He reassured, breaking you out of your thoughts, "One more question, because i need to know this to figure out a plan."

You sighed, "Okay... Shoot."

"Is she fighting with Ella? Like... Do they get along okay? Did she mention anything about their relationship?"

You cringed at that. You were gonna have to tell him about the way Valerie plays into this.

"What?" He questioned once he noticed your expression, "What is it? They don't get along, do they?" He asked and watched you struggle to put words together.

"She didn't mention Ella much." You started.

"Okay..." He frowned, "I've never heard or seen them fight so i kind of knew that."

"Yeah..." You hesitated, "Max, do you remember how we agreed to never shout at Lilly? And to never let anyone shout at her either?"

He nodded.

"Valerie kinda... screamed at her, but she thinks it's okay because Ella gets screamed at too." You said with a low voice.

"What?" Max was surprised, "I talked to her many times about our rules that we follow with Lilly and she told me she respects that."

You sat in silence for a while, not knowing what to say while Max's head raced with how much he hadn't been noticing about the time his daughter spent at his place.

He wanted his house to feel comfortable for Lilly, for her to feel just as at home as she did in your apartment, so he couldn't really help thinking that he failed at that, failed at reserving enough attention to his daughter.

"Do you think i'm a bad father?" He asked.

"I never said that, Max." You felt a hint of guilt at the thought of making him feel that way.

"No, be honest, because i feel like i shouldn't take care of Lilly alone anymore if i don't notice all this shit." He blurted with his eyebrows raised then he pursed him lips.

"Please, don't say that. It's not what i meant. I don't expect you to be perfect." You sighed, "I'm not a perfect mother either but that's because we're humans, because we're still figuring out this whole parenting thing, and honestly, i feel like figuring it out isn't something that ever ends."

Subconsciously, your hand landed comfortingly on his shoulder, "You try your hardest to be a good presence in your daughter's life, i can see that, it's just that she's growing up. She can understand and speculate about everything around her now, so we just need to be better at regarding her feelings and making sure not to give her wrong impressions."

He rubbed at his eyes with frustration seizing his muscles and finally allowed his back to meet the cushions behind him as he nodded.

"I'm gonna need your help for a while, though. Just to understand what to change." Max mumbled.

You smiled, "Don't worry, I'm always happy to help."

"Thank you."

A quiet few minutes of silence followed then Max got up to leave.

"I need to talk to Val." He groaned as he grabbed his phone and keys.

"I hope everything goes well." You wished.

"Yeah." He replied nonchalantly, "How about i pick you up later and we go get her from school together? We can go eat somewhere, just the three of us."

Smiling, you nodded and walked with him to the door.

"See you later, then." He said just as he starting walking down the stairs.

You shut the door while trying to figure out the feeling in you chest and why something was telling you today would be the start of major changes in your life and Lilly's.

—

Following that day, everything seemed to work itself out.

Max picked you up as planned and everything went really well. On the way to get Lilly from school, he told you he talked extensively with Valerie and that lead to a fight, and a breakup.

Worried that he would be thinking that was what you wanted, you were quick to show support.

"Is everything okay?" You asked and he quickly nodded, giving you a quick glance and smile as he drove.

"I really didn't mean for the two of you to break up. I know you love her and Ella and want-" You couldn't help rushing.

"Hey, hey," he interrupted, "i told you. Everything's okay. It was a long time coming kinda thing. Don't blame yourself, please."

As days went on, Max made it a point to come up with plans for the three of you and the first time he had Lilly staying with him afterwards, he got her to invite you for dinner, something that became a repeated pattern and for some reason, your heart was starting to beat faster at every invite and every smile Max would give you.

It wasn't much later when you realized you were catching feelings for the father of your child and you weren't quite sure what to do about that.

A month later, on an afternoon when you were meant to pick up Lilly from Max's place, he opened the door for you and instead of letting you in, he stepped out and closed the front door behind him.

"Can we talk?" He asked with his hands stuffed in his jeans' pockets.

"But... Lilly..." you pointed to the door.

"Mom is there with her." Max reassured that your daughter wasn't on her own and proceeded to guide you away.

With your eyes narrowed in suspicion, you followed him, your nerves getting worse by the second.

"So, car ride or a walk?" He asked once you were out of the building.

Frowning, you tilted your head to the side and responded, "Walking's fine."

Max nodded and so the two of you began taking small steps along the sidewalk.

Silence reigned for a while. You couldn't really figure out anything to say and it was rather obvious that Max was planning the approach to whatever he wanted to talk about in his head.

By the time he spoke up, the two of you were a few buildings away.

"I've been really enjoying our time with Lilly." He awkwardly said and if anything, that confused you more.

"Yeah, it's been good." You agreed with a nod.

"I like it when it's just the three of us." Max continued.

"I like it too. I want Lilly to have as many normal experiences as possible."

For some reason, the silence returned after that. Meanwhile, your heart had begun racing out of control as you laid out the various paths that this conversation would take, the one outcome you wished you'd end up with being repressed and avoided. Instead, you found yourself considering other options.

What is something happened with Lilly?

Are they not getting along?

Does he want to change anything about their relationship? Or about the way the two of you parent her?

...

What if he was dating someone new?

Sure, it has barely been a month since his breakup but according to the pieces of information you'd pick during your time with him, and Lilly of course, you'd concluded that he wasn't actually in love with Valerie.

Interrupting your thoughts, Max sighed heavily by your side.

"You know, I'm trying hard to be smooth with this but-" he chuckled, "I'm clearly shit at that."

"How about you tell me what this is about as a head-start..." you suggested.

Max nodded and seemed to calculate his words for a mere second, "The nature of our... relationship?" He hesitated.

"Oh..." You let your confusion show, "What about it?"

He fiddled with his hands for a while before finally speaking, "I wanna try- No. I wanna ask you if you would agree to trying something new."

The determination in his voice confused you even further.

"New... Like, how?"

"Would you be open to the idea of a date? No Lilly, just me and you going somewhere nice together."

You stopped dead in your tracks and stared at Max like you were speculating if he was serious, all while your heart was dancing to an unknown tune that had slowly been becoming its favorite.

"I know this can be potentially risky, because what if we actually date and - i don't want it to seem like I'm getting ahead of myself - get in a relationship? It could complicate things with Lilly and shit but we've been co-parenting for four years now even though we hated each other's guts so, really, we're capable of working through anything." He took a breath, "I just want something more with you. I really like you, so much more than as just Lilly's mom. Just consider it 'cause i just think we would have something good, that we'd be worth a shot, you know? I've been thinki-"

"Max!" You interrupted his rant with a chuckle of his name and a wide smile, "Breathe, please."

"So?" He seemed nervous as he asked and you found it adorable.

"I'll go on a date with you." You nodded with a big smile, making Max grin so wide.

—

From that point on, everything is just history.

The first date went so amazingly well that the second followed so soon after it, then a third, and on the fourth, Max asked you to be his girlfriend and you instantly agreed.

The transition was practically seamless.

Lilly was over the moon once she noticed the nature of your interactions with Max shift. The first night she got to spend the night with both her mom and dad under the same roof as her, she was absolutely beaming.

Things between you and Max were going so well, it almost seemed surreal, but both of you, and Lilly of course, couldn't be happier that it was in fact your reality.

A few months into the relationship, you and Lilly fully moved in with him and the first free weekend morning spent there, you woke up to them making breakfast together.

It was a moment you truly cherished, when you walked into the kitchen to find Max holding his daughter on his shoulders so she'd be able to grab plates from the high cupboards, both of them displaying big and genuine smiles.

"I feel left out, I'm not gonna lie." You walked in joking, effectively grabbing both their attentions.

The three of you had a delicious and peaceful breakfast together and when Lilly finished eating and ran off to her room, Max moved you off your chair and onto his lap, his eyes locking with yours. Your legs were dangling off of one side, your arms hooking behind his neck as you kissed his lips lightly.

He smiled at you and pulled you back in, keeping the curve of his lips throughout the short peck.

When he pulled away, his grin grew and he brushed his hand through the front strands of your hair, securing it behind your ear.

"I love you." He spoke softly and, like always, it made your heart pound.

"I love you too, Max."

Just like that, the two people from five years ago who couldn’t be in the same room for over three minutes without fighting were long gone.

And just like that, everything worked out in a way that no one expected it to but in the idealist of ways possible.

[dotieeee]

The Gamemaker's Apprentice

Level 5

Pairing: Dark!Young!Coriolanus Snow x You, named!Reader

Overall Warnings:

NON-CON, DUB-CON, Dark!Young!Coriolanus Snow, Snow himself should be a warning, lots of blackmailing, gaslighting, manipulation, obsession. possesiveness, eventual forced marriage, eventual loss of virginity, breeding kink, canon-compliant major character death, reader is named but has no physical descriptions in the fic so one might also consider her an OC but in 2nd POV, will have canon inconsistencies, and other stuff that may be added

Masterlist

Level 5 Warnings:

Snow and his vile unclean 18+ thoughts, the blackest of mails lol, manipulation

Replay Level 4

Ready? Level 5 Start:

In Coriolanus’s mind, he can recall, word for word, the meeting he had requested Strabo Plinth to initiate with Acacius Innis.

“I’m sure you’re wondering why I called for this meeting, Acacius,” Strabo Plinth had said as soon as the servants had cleared out.

Acacius Innis and he were seated on finely upholstered chairs inside the Plinth patriarch’s office, with Strabo’s intricately carved oak desk between them, served the highest quality tea his money could buy. Coriolanus simply stood beside him, obediently there to chime in only when needed. He needed to let Plinth senior handle Innis senior – this is, after all, what Strabo did best.

In a few ways, the patriarchs were similar: they both don’t drink alcohol, they both come from the Districts, and they share an almost uncanny flair for business. But that is where their common ground ended, as far as Coriolanus was concerned. He had the Plinth patriarch essentially wrapped around his finger. The Innis patriarch, however, had always been wary of him; he could tell. He could feel Acacius’s perceptive eyes on him the entire time he’d been at your home, even if he wasn’t necessarily looking – eyes that seemed to see right through people. You shared that with him too, apparently, given how similarly you behaved with him during your Academy years. On top of that, Acacius wasn’t one to flaunt his riches as extravagantly as Strabo, as evidenced by his taste for a simpler wardrobe and refusal to hire a cook and stay-at-home help. District, his roots may be, yet he seamlessly blends well with Capitol’s high society.

And there he was, casually sipping a cup of tea as he considered Strabo’s question. He put it down with the grace one would expect from an Innis. He may spew the occasional acerbic remark, but his social etiquette is flawless.

“I had an inkling what it was about during our lovely dinner,” he said with a tight-lipped smile.

Strabo said as he stirred his tea. “Ever the sharp one, aren’t you?” His light chuckle echoed in the room. “Very well, then. I’ll get right to the point.

“I’d like to propose a union between our houses: Snows - and the Plinths in conjunction – and the Innises by way of marriage.”

Coriolanus had his eyes glued to him the entire time: if Acacius Innis felt anything at all about this proposal, he remained unfazed, his face a friendly, blank mask.

“My heir, Coriolanus,” he gestured to him beside his seat, “And your niece will make the perfect match. I understand they both now have a... camaraderie of sorts; we’d only be giving them a push forward in the right direction.”

The Innis senior’s eyes were hard, but he bobbed his head slowly as if he were weighing the offer.

Strabo continued speaking, but it was at this point that Coriolanus could guess Acacius’s response, although he still had some hope in his heart that he was wrong about it.

“I can’t think of any other couple more attractive. Nellie’s just turned twenty, right? Coriolanus, here, turned twenty several months ago. Both young and bright and excelling in their own fields. Imagine the wedding of the century, two of the most powerful clans of Panem in union...your Nellie will make a fine wife for my Coriolanus, just as he will make a dutiful husband for her. Think of the grandchildren, Acacius. They’d be adorable and frighteningly smart for their age...”

Coriolanus fought the urge to roll his eyes. Acacius Innis will never be swayed by the thought of having grandchildren. Then again, he didn’t know what he would be swayed by; the man was an impenetrable wall.

“Hmm. Does Coriolanus consent to this?” Acacius turned to him. If Coriolanus Snow was surprised by his question, he never showed it.

“I do, sir,” he replied with conviction. “I hold your niece in the highest regard.”

Acacius hummed before picking up his cup of tea and drinking.

“He’s being humble, Acacius,” Strabo confirms. “You’ve seen them together, they’re practically a couple. So, what do you say?”

“No.”

Coriolanus felt his eye twitch.

Innis Senior could’ve just punched him in the face, and he could’ve gotten less of a reaction.

Even Strabo was at a loss for words. “'No?’ Acacius...think of what this union could mean for our heirs. Their combined might will one day rule all of Panem. You see, Coriolanus is setting his eyes on politics. Not just any political seat: he aims for the presidency. I have no doubt he will ascend to the greatest of political heights.”

Could he not have begun his pitch with that, instead?

Acacius smiles wryly. “I’m sure Coriolanus will achieve anything he puts his mind to, Strabo. He has the makings of a powerful man,” he sighs. “But this isn’t about his ambition. This is about Nellie’s life. I cannot, in good conscience, choose for her on her behalf.”

Strabo tilts his head with a questioning look. “Surely, Nellie will understand your choice, given you have her best interests at heart?”

“Precisely why I could never do that to her. She trusts me and my judgement, and I can’t betray her trust like that.”

“What if I told you I could make you a shareholder at my company’s military weapons division? We have, after all, profited greatly for the past decade. Our financial forecasts project even greater growth for the next few years, thanks to reinforced peacekeeping policies. I can guarantee you a hefty slice of the pie."

Acacius clasps his hands together and leans forward on the desk with a polite smile.

“My sincerest apologies, Strabo. I cannot agree with this proposal of yours, and I don’t think there is anything you could offer me that will make me accept. It would be unfair to my niece to seal her fate without her consent. You understand hard work, more than anyone else. I raised Nellie as my own after her parents died, and I’ve worked hard for her to have choices in life where most don’t. I’d like to imagine that extends even to matters concerning matrimony. Whoever she chooses to marry, if she chooses to marry at all, shouldn’t be decided among three men in a room, over a meeting she wasn’t not even allowed in.”

Coriolanus felt a vein in his temple throb. Of course, he was livid. What made him even more furious was the fact that Strabo had the gall to look moved by Innis senior’s speech.

He wanted nothing but to strangle the both of them then and there.

But, as usual, Coriolanus Snow was a man of utter composure. He said nothing, kept his face a blank mask, as he listened to Strabo basically taking Acacius’s side.

“Very well, Acacius, my old friend. Your niece is lucky to have you as a father figure. We do what we can to protect our children, and for that, you have my utmost respect.”

A thought crossed Coriolanus’s mind at Strabo’s words.

Acacius had just inadvertently revealed his weakness. You.

Not such an impenetrable wall, after all.

As if pouring salt over an open wound, Strabo patted Coriolanus on the back and added, “Coriolanus will just have to earn Nellie’s hand the hard way, I’m afraid. Oh, and do come to my birthday party this Friday night at the Palisades? The invitations were mailed out last week, and if you’re not busy, you can bring Nellie with you.”

“Friday, you say?” Acacius asked as he got up from his chair. “I might have to take a raincheck, my friend. I’m spearheading a new defence division at the Citadel, and I expect Friday will be hectic for me. My well wishes to you today, and your birthday gift I shall send via delivery.”

Strabo acknowledged Acacius’s smile of apology with a nod. “Of course, duties to the Capitol come first.”

The elder males shook hands firmly before they all exited the room, led by Innis senior.

To call this a disappointing turn of events was an understatement.

That sweet smile you had on your pretty little face as you bid him good night was his only solace for the rest of the evening. He wished he could see more of that smile; he wished he could have it bottled or kept it in a jar, perhaps, so he could look at it anytime he wanted. Just the thought of having something of you with him all the time made him feel a little better. Obviously, having you to himself all the time would beat having just something of you, but he hasn’t quite gotten to that yet. A certain relative of yours just made sure of that.

He thought he had a plan to get you. He knew he had no chance at winning Acacius Innis over if he alone had asked for your hand himself, but he had high hopes that with Strabo Plinth leading the conversation, he’d be more open to the idea of an alliance between your families by way of marriage. So much for that well-thought-out plan.

No matter: he had one other weapon he had at his disposal. One more leverage on you – and that obstinate prick you call an uncle – that could prove so devastating, it could have you begging him to take your soul for him to keep the dirt from surfacing.

All he had to figure out was his timing.

***

You and your uncle never talk about what transpired at the Citadel the day he asked you to bring those files. You’re still on the fence as to whether he had set you up to uncover what could plausibly be a conspiracy surrounding Sejanus’s death, but the facts you’ve gathered surrounding the incident prove too hard to overlook.

Had your uncle already known about it for a time, and had he been sitting on the information until then? Why did he choose to reveal it this way if he had indeed set you up? Why did he keep it to himself then?

And then there’s that...thing...that thought about your friend that you know you’re not supposed to entertain because of how outlandish it sounds, but a thought you can’t seem to get rid of, nonetheless.

That nagging suspicion that just won’t go away, no matter how hard you try to rationalise.

You keep going back and forth between what you can remember in Sejanus’s letters and the information Dr Kay had revealed; how Sejanus had been entangling with rebel forces; how the peacekeepers in District 12 had been ordered to gather catch jabberjays for scientific research; how he could’ve confessed to someone he trusted enough to be comfortable around with; and he could’ve been recorded by any of the peacekeepers who had access to the jabberjay remotes; how only one of the jabberjays conveniently turned up dead only a day after the birds arrived at the Capitol…

…How the only person Sejanus mentioned he trusted the most the entire time he was in District 12 was Coriolanus Snow.

Everything you know about every event that happened in District 12 circles back to him somehow, and you hate yourself for not being able to come up with a different conclusion.

Everybody says you’re smart, but look where it’s gotten you, now: with more questions and nowhere to get answers from.

Thursday. Three days have flown by since that day.

Every day for three days since you’ve woken up drenched in sweat, having dreamt of jabberjays flocking all over you, screaming your name and Sejanus’s, and Coriolanus singing to the birds a song you don’t quite understand. Today, however, your brain decided to kick it up a notch because it felt you had too little going on.

It began with Coriolanus humming a melody that doesn’t make sense when you hum it in real life, and the birds flying all around you and screaming your name and Sejanus’s in bloody murder. Sejanus made an entrance, facing you from only a few feet away. You could see from where you were that he was trying to open his mouth as if he wanted to say something from beyond the grave, but no words came out. Instead, out came from his parted lips a beak, then the head of a bird with purplish-blue plumage, followed by the entire body of the accursed bird. The bird took one look at you, then darted straight in your direction, before you woke up without much ceremony.

Fuck those birds and fuck these dreams. Just another bad thing that catapults you to another day in another one of those moods.

You have to be out, somehow. Function in society, no matter how much you hate it. No matter how much said society sickens you; even if said society would no sooner have you hanged as traitorous trash faster than you could show an ounce of condemnable humanity.

You made a promise to Sejanus to move on, and so for today, you’ll try.

There is work to be done at the University, what with summer classes underway. The class guides would’ve been taken care of by now courtesy of your uncle’s interns, but you have another task as his official apprentice – a task you can never bring yourself to abandon.

Your living room phone rings a little before noon, just as you’re trying to graze on cornflakes to try and get your day going. You temporarily leave your bowl to answer the familiar voice on the other line.

“Nellie. I haven’t seen you in days.” Coriolanus sounds a tad put out.

“Coryo.” A twinge of guilt finds its way to your voice. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been – ”

“Hiding yourself away again? Nellie, is everything alright?”

“Yes, Coryo, I’m fine.”

You can hear him heave an exasperated sigh. “Nellie, we’ve talked about this. You can freely speak your mind with me. Tell me anything.”

Anything, as in, did-you-kill-Sejanus-anything?

“I know,” you respond flatly.

Maybe you can ask him instead of moping, you think to yourself. He might know something. He might know of anyone else your friend had grown close with in District 12 apart from him. That way, maybe you could finally put away these awful thoughts and decide a course of action. Maybe you can then tell Ma and Strabo Plinth, and leave it up to them to make the next move. Maybe you can find that peacekeeper yourself and kill him with your bare hands.

Wishful thinking.

Ask him. Do something, just so you can shut that stupid voice up in your head blaming Coryo for every little unhappiness you encounter.

“We can go out today before I go to the Citadel,” he offers.

Thank goodness he beat you to it. “Really? You have time?”

“For you? Of course, I do. What do you think of getting ice cream?”

What do you think of telling the truth? “Sure, that sounds nice.”

He gives you an address and a time: The Headless Confectioner’s at two. The same candy shop and creamery your uncle gets all his sweets from. You accept.

There’s plenty of time to get some work done before then.

University life dwindles during the summer break. The only ones that are there are the professors and the few summer students looking into getting advanced credits or making up for failed subjects, allowing the school to breathe for a while and enjoy the little quiet it gets every academic year.

The lab is thankfully empty when you arrive, with your uncle currently conducting a class. You’re comforted, if only a little, at the sound your keyboard makes as you type steadily, entering countless lines of commands that will eventually make up the program.

If only there was some way you could run some tests on it besides the usual debugging.

By one thirty, you’re out of the lab, foregoing your usual car ride in favour of walking to The Headless Confectioner’s. It’s a bit of a long walk, but you figure you need the time to clear your head.

Plan your next more wisely, your uncle had said.

Perhaps you have been approaching this dilemma the wrong way. Maybe, just like all manners of mathematical problem-solving, the problem has to be examined with utmost objectivity. Your friendship with Coryo aside, the facts remain, and you’re simply trying to piece them together to come up with a logic-based conclusion.

Maybe then, you wouldn’t be so upset about asking your friend about it.

The walk gives you plenty of time to get your facts straight and construct your questions. Impartiality or not, you don’t want to needlessly hurt your friend like you did at the Plinth’s Corso home. Sejanus was his best friend, and he most likely was there on the day of his execution.

You are well too aware how witnessing death firsthand can drastically change a person.

You get to The Headless Confectioner’s and find Coryo waiting for you outside the shop. His eyes light up and his lips curl upward the moment he sees you approach. You return his smile and you both waste no time lining up the ice cream booth, where people are already milling around for the best ice cream in the city. He offers to walk you back to the University, to the park near the Computer Sciences College you both frequent.

“You’re awfully quieter than usual,” he observes. You’re both sitting on the same bench where he first offered you his friendship.

The friendship that’s entirely responsible for keeping you from spiralling down further.

“Sorry, I’ve got a lot on my mind,” you say.

He tilts his head at you, casually placing his arm on top of your part of the backrest. “Tell me. You asked if I had time, and I always would, for you.”

You give him a dry smile and breathe deeply. Ask him now, or forget ever asking him again.

“I went to the Citadel. Uncle asked me to bring something for him. I got lost, and...” you swallow that lump in your throat as you note how aptly he’s listening. “And I stumbled upon the jabberjays.”

“Hm. Interesting little things,” he mutters.

You fidget on the hem of your coat absently. “I was told that it was the peacekeepers who had caught them and they were sent here to the Capitol two days before Sejanus’s execution. A day later, one of them died.”

Your friend offers no insight, so you go on. “Coryo, someone recorded Sejanus confessing to something. Someone from the Capitol caught that recording, which led to his death.”

You turn to face your friend to find that his expression has gone rigid, his eyes are hard and cold when he meets your gaze head-on.

This must be just as painful for him to discover.

“I’m sorry that I’m bringing it up now, Coryo,” you say, your lips trembling, trying to keep your emotions at bay.

Objectivity, you remind yourself.

“I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to relive this, but you have to hear me out,” you continue. “Someone from your ranks did that to him.

“Coryo, please,” you implore him. “Try to remember. I’ve run the math in my head over and over but it’s the only explanation I can come up with. It must be someone from your ranks, anyone at all, who might’ve gotten close to him in his last days...anyone whom he trusted enough to confess what he was doing...”

Was it you? Please, tell me it wasn’t. Please, tell me.

Coriolanus’s lips are thinned, his face unreadable and his shoulders now drawn back, yet his eyes never leave yours. Maybe he takes pity in the way you look with your eyes red and tearful, for his features eventually soften, his eyes contrite and his lips parted as he takes a handkerchief out of his breast pocket. He lifts your chin with his thumb and forefinger and wipes your tears with the cloth.

“Nellie, dear, I’m sorry. I really am.” His voice breaks with emotion as he squeezes your chin lightly. He leans into your space further, saying, “I wish I could take your pain and carry it for you. I hate to see you suffering like this.” He lets go and pulls away with a final dab of his handkerchief on your cheek, leaning once more against the bench.

“But I also wish with all my heart I had the answers you seek. Sejanus withdrew within himself in his final days. What battles he faced inwardly were his to bear, and it seems that he kept it that way until he passed.”

‘Liar’ is the only word that floats in your head.

“He was friendly with the other peacekeepers, Nellie. But as far as your deduction has led you, you’re correct: it could’ve been any of them,” he says, dipping his head a small nod. His eyes flick to yours with a strange glint, as if an idea had just crossed his mind. “Maybe there was someone he mentioned in those letters he sent you.”

Your blood runs cold at his words. You could feel it drain from your face, your heart plummeting as your pulse races, watching a corner of his lips twitch upward.

He knows about the letters. He knows.

But you reason within yourself: this doesn’t prove he had him killed. This doesn’t prove anything.

Right?

That look on him. An unmistakable look of victory. Even as you’re both sitting down, he towers over you, staring down at you with those now-hollow eyes. You suddenly don’t feel safe anymore, but you fight the urge to cower.

“Of course, I know, Nellie,” he says as if he read your mind just then. “He never mentioned anything to me about your correspondence, but after his death, I couldn’t help but look through his things for answers as to what he did to himself and why he did it.”

You mean you ransacked his stuff.

“I found a letter he failed to send tucked under his pillow. Addressed to you, Nellie.”

You almost flinch as he tucks a lock of hair behind your ear, his hand lingering to play with it.

“Except, it was written in this odd manner, and none of it made sense. I realised, given how smart you are, it must’ve been an idea of yours to write in code. I knew the both of you enough to tell you weren’t really writing about ‘daffodils’ and ‘dandelions dancing in the sunset.’”

A part of you wants to correct him that it was Sejanus’s plan, but you can’t admit it without incriminating yourself. He lets out a chuckle, but it’s humourless, just like the smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. He traces a line on your cheek, making him only one swift move away from strangling you.

“I asked myself, ‘What could my two friends be hiding, writing in code?’” You feel immense relief when he pulls his hand away.

“I knew I had to keep it hidden, because, if Sejanus actually wrote to you about his intentions to rebel and you kept it to yourself...if anyone else got a hold of it besides me and they cracked the code, you’d be labelled as complicit with his actions.

What kind of best friend would I be if I hadn’t? If I let it get into someone else’s hands? I’d be dishonouring Sejanus’s memory if I threw you to the wolves.”

Coriolanus’s smile is cold, bordering on sadistic. Behind those cerulean eyes dance a flicker of madness you know you’ve always seen before but had been actively ignoring. Could your instincts have been right about him all along? Is this a thinly veiled threat from a man who had been wearing a mask the entire time and had now taken it off in front of you?

Has your entire friendship with him been a farce?

“I want to keep you safe, my dear Nellie. Let me keep you safe,” he insists, his icy stare not matching his intentions. He crosses his legs, observing you with that ghost of a sneer, as he waits for you to squirm in your seat.

“I have just been appointed an official gamemaker. No more internships. That means I now have enough power and influence to keep that promise. But I can’t do that if I don’t even see you half the time.”

You gulp, trying to keep your composure. You will not give him the satisfaction of seeing you fumble. “What are you saying, Coryo?” You whisper hoarsely.

Coriolanus sighs and gets to his feet, his hands inside his pocket as he gazes far into the lake.

“All I’m saying is I need you close by for me to keep you safe.”

Then he turns to face you, towering over your hunched form on the bench as if he’s cowing you into submission. His voice lowers by a fraction as he speaks.

“Transfer your apprenticeship to me. I need you by my side, Nellie, as my friend, and now as my ally.”

You look up at him, his unblinking, unrelenting gaze keeping you in place. That wasn’t a request, you notice, but a command.

An order that promises repercussions if you don’t obey.

“I need an innovator like you by my side. Someone I can trust fully. I have always trusted you, Nellie. It’s refreshing, don’t you think? The way we speak our minds with each other? A free-flowing exchange of ground-breaking ideas. That’s the kind of partnership I want.”

In other words, he’ll keep the letter a secret if you do what he wants.

“You already have my uncle in your team. There is nothing I can do that he can’t do a thousand times better,” you reason, even if you see no point in reasoning with someone who’s already made up their mind.

“That is true, for now, at least. Did you know your uncle has been promoted to his own new division? Cybersecurity. We’re being ushered back into a better digital age. Something the Capitol has overlooked because of the war. He’ll be too busy for his gamemaking duties, so he’s letting go of them. Think of me as your new direct report, should you accept. I will take care of the transfer. Your tenure under your uncle’s wing will simply be carried over to mine,” he says as he paces in front of you.

Uncle Cas has been promoted? That’s good for him and all, but something in you can tell they must want him out of the way. Of what, exactly?

“There’s this...project your uncle has been working on.”

Your posture instantly stiffens. They want Uncle Cas out of the way to take control of his program. His baby, the very same program he has crafted with so much care and has entrusted you to keep from the wrong hands.

“I saw your notes, Nellie. You had a hand in it. Except, there hasn’t been much progress on the project. Dr Gaul wants that to push forward. Think of what it could mean for the twelfth Hunger Games.”

You draw your eyebrows together at the sheer betrayal he wants you to commit. “Coryo, this is madness. You can’t expect me to go behind my uncle’s back and hijack his work.”

“Sugarplum, no one is going behind anyone’s back. All you have to do is ask him. He’ll understand. This is your uncle’s legacy, and it will be yours, too. The Innis legacy. Besides, he will want you to explore your abilities outside your comfort zone. Come on, do you really expect your skills to improve when he’s keeping you inside that lab, making you label old hard drives and grade mediocre college research papers?”

Chewing the insides of your cheek, you stare at the gravel beneath your feet. He doesn’t appreciate you avoiding his gaze, for he hooks his fingers under your chin once more to look at him. You meet his hard eyes with your anxious ones.

“Nellie, your uncle is a genius. He’s unlike any other I have ever met. But you’re an Innis, too. You’re cut from the same cloth. It’s time you see yourself that way. Think of what we can accomplish together. Work for me, work with me, I get to keep you safe, and you get to show everyone in Panem what the Innis blood is made of.” He flashes a grin, baring a sliver of his perfectly white teeth.

Like a predator flashing its fangs before it pounces.

“Your place is with me, Nellie. Let me prove it. You and I: we will change the Games forever.”

Your lip trembles as his thumb skims over it. You ask in a hushed tone, “Change it...you mean for the good?”

“For good,” comes his simple reply.

You purse your lips, attempting to wrack your brains for anything that can get you out of this predicament you dug yourself into. You come up with nothing.

“I’ll ask Uncle Cas.” You concede. There is no other choice at this point.

Coriolanus dons on a look of perverse satisfaction. Then, in the blink of an eye, his expression shifts. He’s back to the Coryo you know, with that kind smile and those soft, blue eyes, like he hadn’t spent the entire time with you in the park threatening and blackmailing you to do his bidding. It’s a frighteningly impressive ability.

“Think about it, sugarplum. I have to go, but I will collect you and your response tomorrow.”

Helplessly, you stay rooted to your spot as he bends down to kiss your hair. His lips linger for a short while before he pulls away and vanishes from your line of vision.

You don’t dare move from the bench as you attempt, almost in vain, to curb an incoming panic attack. You squeeze the hem of your coat as you hyperventilate, mentally berating yourself for falling for his trap.

How could you have been this stupid? You just had to ignore every ounce of your subconscious telling you just how nefarious and dangerous this man is that you’ve willingly entangled yourself with.

Everything about your friendship with Coriolanus Snow – every moment spent with him, every word exchanged, every gift he’s ever given – all of it, a spectacular performance, a cunningly planned-out charade designed to lure into his clutches.

Think of Sejanus, you try to soothe yourself. Of his warm hands holding yours, of his warm hugs, and his soft lips as he stole your first kiss...

Your grip on your coat relaxes eventually and your breathing evens out, replaced by frustrated tears and trembling hands.

As you stare into your cup of now-melted ice cream abandoned on your side of the bench, your mind draws a blank, except for a single, all-consuming thought. You still haven’t proven whether or not Coriolanus Snow had your only true friend killed, but you’re sure of one thing now: he was never innocent.

His old self would’ve killed you without question.

The old self he had left behind in the dense forests of District 12 would’ve had a raging fit before he led you somewhere and either shot you or smothered you or poisoned you to death – probably all three, in no particular order – at the mere insinuation that he had a hand in Sejanus’s death.

But he wasn’t his old self, so the fact that it was coming back to potentially bite him like Lucy Gray’s snake only slightly disarmed him. What he is concerned more about is how you, of all people, managed to connect the dots, even if you hadn’t accused him outright. He had gone to great lengths to ensure that it stayed buried, so he’s sure you had almost come to the correct conclusion purely because of your intellect and intuition. He has to admit, you are impressive.

He isn’t his old self. His old self probably would’ve had qualms about digging into dead people’s things and stealing anything of value. But before he returned Sejanus’ belongings to the Plinths, he had all but combed through every crevice, nook and cranny for anything that may prove useful. His new self had been wise enough then to keep that peculiar letter Sejanus had penned, but never got to mail, addressed to you.

He had a hunch about its significance, but he wasn't completely sure until your conversation at the bench that afternoon. It was a little gamble, mentioning that letter, but one that he knew he had already won the instant he saw your face drain of colour at his mention of dandelions (a rather perplexing choice of code). There it was, your little blind spot, exposed so plainly to him. So, ever one for efficiency, he went on further and pushed you a little more to confirm his suspicions: Sejanus had potentially revealed to you his intent to rebel, and you had kept the knowledge to yourself.

Snow landed on top yet again: he had gained the upper hand. A shiver of excitement goes through him at the thought. He’s already used it to get you to work for him – he wonders what else he could have you do for him. You, at his mercy, submitting to his every whim...

This little mistake of yours could prove convenient for him. Gaul had since added more to his lists of tasks. In addition to keeping up appearances by way of dating, she had assigned him to investigate the progress of a top-secret computer program being developed by Acacius Innis. The project has had almost zero progress since its approval, and he is to find out why. And, thanks to his snooping around with your handwritten notes, he had concluded you had a hand in the project as your uncle’s apprentice. He had been charged to keep you close so you could work for the Citadel in Acacius’s stead just in case he proves he’s outlived his purpose.

Now? He’s got three of these tasks all but crossed out, just because you had let your emotions for Sejanus get the better of you.

You should have never mentioned Sejanus to him. That’s an error of yours he’ll have to make you pay for. If there’s one thing he and his old self had in common, it’s the fact that they’re both extremely jealous men to a fault. The drug addict Theophilus Braun figured this out the hard way. Coriolanus Snow can’t have his girl making mistakes for and because of a dead man; you should’ve known better.

You’re his girl. His girl, his bride, his wife.

And by the day after next, he’d make it clear to everyone in Panem, including you, that you are his – taken, off-limits, spoken for. He should’ve done this sooner in retrospect. You’d know by then that you had no business talking or even thinking about any other men, dead or otherwise. You’d figure it out for yourself, you’re smart. It didn’t matter now that Acacius Innis rejected Strabo’s and his proposal of arranging a marriage between him and you. Sure, he had allowed himself a bit of time to stew on his anger at your uncle, but if he gained something but that poorly orchestrated exchange, it’s the fact that the Innis patriarch is fiercely protective of you. An immovable giant, finally revealing its underbelly by accident.

Now, unlike his old self, he’d never let you out of sight or try to gun you down in a crazed frenzy; he’d never allow you to leave his side, and he’d put your useful abilities to work. In turn, your work would be displayed at the Games for the Capitol to admire, and everyone would know that Coriolanus Snow’s girl is more than a fancy arm decoration being paraded to the press and looking pretty at galas.

Coriolanus sighs as he gets inside his apartment. He comes home to the calming sound of quiet, and, making a beeline to his walk-in closet, he puts down the two sizeable boxes he had just picked up from the receptionist. A last-minute request he made to his tailor, conveniently delivered to his new address. He takes his shoes and his coat off and wastes no time inspecting the contents of the smaller box.

What he’s anticipating to see is the dress he had made for you. It has to be nothing less than perfect: it’s Strabo’s birthday party and the Capitol’s richest are going to be there. He had been meaning to formally invite you in person, but he knew he had to be wise about it and not give you room to decline. This is part of your training as his soon-to-be wife, after all: appearing more social and getting used to attending the lavish parties of high society. He had meant earlier to tell you then, that everything would be taken care of including your dress, but the mention of Sejanus genuinely threw him off. In the end, it seemed like waiting it out was the best choice.

The box’s lid comes off: crimson, just like he ordered. Of course, you had to match his tux. It’s a silk slip, flowy, simple, elegant, and most importantly, accurate to your measurements. Or at least, the measurements he got from your housemaid in exchange for but a small sum.

Another stark difference between him and his old self: he isn’t the poor, malnourished, helpless kid who had to settle for scraps and keep up appearances. He has a limitless amount of resources within his grasp now, and he uses all of it to his advantage: this luxury penthouse apartment, allowing him to finally live peacefully by himself, these finely tailored clothing he had grown partial to, even to pay off the maid who had been happy to go behind your back to take your dress size – all of these he now could afford, and more. His old self would’ve turned green with envy.

He’s satisfied with the handiwork despite the rush, and he could already imagine you wearing it for tomorrow: the way you’d turn in it, the way you’d dance in it, the way hungry, envious sets of eyes would ogle at you while he snakes his arm around your waist...

Normally, he hates the thought of having anyone’s lustful eyes on you, but he supposes that’s the price he has to pay for wanting to show you off.

Maybe after the party, he’d bring you here, and he’d get to tear the dress off you, or simply pull it up to your waist and fuck you in it as you’re bent over his work desk...

He isn’t his old self anymore. He didn’t have to suppress these desires in the confines of his own solitude. He makes one phone call, and a woman arrives at his apartment within ten minutes. He was specific with his request: he wanted one that resembled you – except she doesn’t compare to your beauty or your grace. Of course, no one does.

At least she’s wearing a red slip dress like he instructed.

He fucks the whore that night, thinking of you splayed out for him in various ways, wearing that silk crimson dress. It’s quite easy for him to imagine that it’s you because he fucks her face down – in his little fantasy, it’s you he takes several times; that it’s you underneath him, moaning and screaming out his name and begging him to fill you with his cum. He makes her leave immediately after a hefty payment, making a mental note to tell the maid in the morning that the sheets would have to be changed. Having aired out his pent-up urges, he does more work in his home office until he can barely keep his eyes open.

His old self is long dead and gone, and he takes comfort in that as he finally gives in to exhaustion.

The aroma of hot dark chocolate reaches your nostrils and somehow provides a little comfort for what has turned out to be a long day. It’s almost one in the morning, and not a wink of sleep has grazed your presence, so you’re hoping this little treat is going to help put you to bed so you can go back to dreaming of screaming birds, dead first loves and singing peacekeepers.

On impulse, you traipse to your uncle’s office, noting how his dim desk lamp is still on. Not an uncommon sight these days, to have him still awake in the dead hours of the night for many reasons – some of which he refuses to share with you.

You enter his office on a whim; you can’t sleep anyway, might as well.

You also need to talk to him about…that thing. The one Coriolanus asked you to do.

You find your uncle with his face scrunched up in absolute concentration over a chessboard.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks lazily, his cheek resting against his palm on the desk.

You simply shake your head. You offer to make him a cup of hot dark chocolate, which he refuses by a mere gesture to the three colourful mugs sitting near the edge of the table, only obscured by the lamp light not hitting that part of his desk.

“Can I?” you question him, referring to the chess game he seems to be currently playing by himself.

Uncle Cas lets out a hum. “I thought you’d never ask.”

So, you sit and observe the board, assuming black. White is currently in a solid position, having total control of the centre of the board. Your uncle takes his rook to f-one.

You move a pawn to a-four. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

Your uncle just makes another humming noise absently as he takes a pawn to f-four. Your pawn captures it immediately.

“You got promoted. Head of the new Cybersecurity division and all that...”

He just raises his eyebrows in derision. “Yeah, lucky me,” he says under his breath as he takes the same pawn of yours with a rook. “How did you find out?”

“Coriolanus told me this afternoon.”

The both of you quietly play your game, your attention dwindling until you notice you’re actually putting pressure on the opposition.

“Uncle, how do I win against an enemy who clearly has all the advantages?” you ask quietly.

For the first time since the game, your uncle looks up, now mildly interested. “Hm. What’s the end goal of this game?”

“End goal?” You’re distracted as your pawn takes his knight. “You defeat the opponent’s king.”

“No, plumcake, the real end goal.”

To focus, you rub your forehead as you scramble for a defence.

“That’s the key,” he continues. “Find out what your enemy wants and use it to gain the upper hand.”

Licking your lips, you sip some of your rapidly cooling chocolate as you watch his queen threaten your position. After a pause, you inquire, “What if I’ve never played a game like this before?”

“Then, prepare to be on the defensive when necessary,” he says thoughtfully. “You’re an Innis. You’ll figure something out.” He takes your pawn on f-five with his rook.

You heave a sigh as you prepare yourself to reveal the truth. It doesn’t matter how he reacts to it, it’s out there now. You made the wrong move, despite his warning, and you’ve nothing left to do but to own it.

“Uncle, Coriolanus wants me to transfer my apprenticeship to him.” You wait with bated breath for him to react.

Uncle Cas stitches his brows, encasing the lower half of his face with his palm. The lines on his face are evident now more than ever; you note how recently he’s lost some weight, and his cheeks are more indented than you can remember even with all that sugar in his diet. His eyes meet yours, his dark circles accentuating his serious expression.

Guilt washes over you. You’re partly to blame for his stress.

“Very well.” He bobs his head once in comprehension. He wordlessly goes back to the game, capturing your knight on e-four using his bishop.

Another thing you appreciate about him: his acuity allows him to read the situation in almost an instant.

“Tell him I’ll kill him with my bare hands if he tries anything funny.”

And just like always, he still manages to make you laugh despite everything.

You move your rook to e-four, on the defensive. “I thought you preferred breaking their legs?”

He just shrugs comically and quips, “I’m the head of Cybersecurity, I’m all about efficiency now.”

Suppressing a chuckle, you observe his rook take f-seven while you transfer your now-vulnerable queen to b-six. The white king, now on h-one, prepares for the endgame. You take your rook from e-four to e-one in what you can now foresee as a futile attempt at mitigating the attack.

Uncle Cas has a point, as always. Moving on the defensive can be an option. After all, you know Coriolanus’s goal now: he wants the program completed, and he wants you for the task. You can just opt to do whatever he wants as quickly as possible, and then cut him out of your life for good.

The white queen finally makes her move to g-six, so you take your bishop to g-seven.

Maybe, you can even opt for the offensive: figure out a way to keep Coriolanus Snow’s slimy hands off the program without alerting him.

The white queen all but slays your poor bishop on g-seven.

Your uncle leans back on his computer chair and declares, “Checkmate.”

“Ah, fuck.” Perhaps you’re not cut out for these kinds of games.

“Language, plumcake. Another one for the road?”

He rearranges the pieces for a new round. He wiggles his eyebrows with a wide smile and adds, “Winner gets the last pint of cherry chocolate chunk ice cream in the freezer.”

You grimace at the thought. “I think I’ve had just about enough ice cream for today, Uncle. How about White Knight’s angel food cake?”

His eyes light up at the challenge. “Oh, you are so fucking on.”

“How come you get to curse, and I can’t?”

He snorts haughtily at your complaint. “It’s unbecoming of a lady.”

He makes the opening move. Pawn to e-four.

Let the games begin.

Enter Level 6

Author notes:

Please reblog and comment, it's always appreciated!!!

Next level includes a ball/party scene because I can't resist, despite risking the cliché 😂😅

Also, the chances of me updating as quickly as I have for the past week is getting slim, what with work now getting busy and mostly the next levels getting more complicated plot-wise. Damn plot be getting out of hand when all I want them to do is fuck 😅😂😭 but I think weekly updates are still feasible...we'll see!!

[suzie-shooter]

Screaming Meals - Le Mans commentary highlights 10.06.23

 J: It's quarter to three, race is due to start at three o'clock. Obviously, you know, told Marcus to get here at two. C: Still not here.

J: I think the Cadillacs should have a good race. I mean it broke down in qualifying yesterday, it couldn't manage to do 45 minutes and now it's got to do 24 hours.

C: Roland Garros, women's finals, at the moment. J: Who's in that? C: Swiatek and [...] I don't know the other person. J: I went to school with someone called Swiatek. [...] But he was called Matthew so it's probably not him.

C: Why am I eating? Bit of a rough morning really. J: To say the least. Clem's parked up on struggle street.

C: Hoping for a moist affair.

C: Damn, my ramen's going to go everywhere. J: Ramen's going to be great ASMR as well, slopping and slurping everywhere like some kind of deranged ignoramus.

J: "What were Marcus' thoughts on James' last stream?" I think he quite liked it - I don't think he watched it 'cause he was racing so I don't know if he has too many thoughts on that stream. Nothing really happened, and yeah from his point of view he was a bit busy, so...

C: "Did Marcus like the Detroit track?" J: He loved it actually. C: D'you know what, you can ask him when he arrives, but, fucking, probably won't arrive. J: He's not officially late for another seven minutes.

C: So James is doing a 24 hour stream. J: I'm not.

C: Great mouthfeel. If I could paint a picture with words for ya,  it's ah, it's really good. J: I've said it before and I'll say it again, you have a real career waiting for you in food blogs.

C: I'm gonna take a couple of the old chillies out there. J: What an absolute - front cartilage. C: No, listen, I'm a backbone. Oh! Front cartilage, that's the opposite of a backbone. J: There you go, well done.

C: Loving the shorts too. J: Thank you. They were on sale. In 2014. C: Where'd you get those? J: I believe these are Billabong actually? C: Billabong? I didnt take you for a surfer. J: Yeah, I actually, I thought about learning surfing in September of 2017 and then quite quickly had the realisation that I was due to move to London in 2 months and it would be absolutely pointless.

J: [Marcus has] let us down, he's let himself down,  but more importantly - C: He's shaving his legs. J: He's let you guys down.

J: Let's see if Bourdais fucks it. C: That's not very nice James.

J: I'd love to see a replay of it, 'cause it was actually quite funny [...] oh it'd really tear your undies, on lap one of Le Mans, to put it in the wall like that.

C: Yeah, no, Dyson Airwrap, allows me to really straighten my hair in the mornings there and, er, allow me to have a bit more of a - bit more control.   J: Control's important. Just tell that to Jack Aitken.  

C: We've just got a slight issue really, getting new guests on. J: Yeah, no one seems to be keen. C: No one seems to be keen  these days. J: I'm not sure what's happened...

J: I left for Monaco, and I packed two hats and I returned with four. And I didn't even buy one.

C: Not only is it absolutely massive but it's also bent. (Alain Prost's nose)

C: Shall we give Marcus a call, see what he's up to? [...] Yes mate, you've got 750 people waiting for you to arrive, but you seem to be 40 minutes late [...] ah, fuck him. *hangs up*

C: Thing is, we promised Marcus and he's just not quite delivered. J: Yeah...I feel sorry for the woman who ends up with him.

C: A lot of people asking whether I should be sitting their Business A Levels - I actually participated - partake - ah - partook in the business exam a couple of years ago. J: Must have done well in your English one as well.

J: As an organisation, two thirds of us - well, three quarters with Rory - do care about you, the fans. Marcus is a scoundrel and a traitor. C: He's a sort of a Han Solo character. J: What, he gets it on with his sister? C: Yes James. J: I'm not accusing anyone of anything there. I regret I said that actually, but I've said it now.  Okay, so they're saying I was wrong there. C: You've fucked it up again.

J: I'm thinking that we're gonna need to reach out to the Serbian star and maybe start some kind of merch line: Novalak Djokovic.

J: So hot as well. Turned himself into a real DILF actually, Dan Carter. C: Absolute DILF. Dan Carter. Who's the biggest DILF for you? J: Ah what, just full stop, or in a certain area, or field? C: Full stop. J: It's probably got to be, um, Ryan Reynolds. C: Yeah, I was going to go with Ryan Reynolds. J: Yeah, he's a total DILF. C: Toto Wolff, in the comments. J: I feel like he'd be pretty boring in the sack. Patrick Dempsey, I mean you want to talk about hot old dudes and Le Mans, he's obviously got this team racing here.

J: Kimi Raikkonen there getting an honourable mention for, I'm assuming the DILF chat. C: Ah Kimi - pretty -  I mean -  probably not a - I wouldn't say he's a very vocal lover. J: Nah , he'd be a very silent lover. He'd be - I mean similar to Formula 1 media he'd communicate only in grunts and groans I believe. Very monotonous in his delivery of his love.

C: "Josef Newgarden qualifies as a DILF now." J: He does technically qualify as a DILF if - if he floats your boat, and you know, just speaking for myself there he's certainly floating mine.

J: I'm sure somebody knows what's going on here but it's not us. C: I've got no fucking idea.

(Screaming Meals technical gremlins make an appearance, giving us a brief glimpse of their kitchen)

J: Fixed! Fixed! How good! Just like the Formula 2 championship. C: I'm distancing myself so far away from that comment.

J: Where were we? I think we were talking about DILFs? C: Tom Hardy. DILF? J: Yeah, he's actually not my flavour of crisps to be honest, actually, Tom Hardy. He's quite short. I mean, you know, I'm not on the market, I'm just saying. C: You never cease to amaze me.

C: "Marcus being a male bimbo again." J: That would imply that at some stage he's actually stoppped being - 'cause you've said again - that implies that he's stopped being a male bimbo, whereas he's not.

J: "Marcus is Ken coded" - do you know what that means? C: Nope.

J: Clem's shades not quite dark enough to hide the fact that his eyes are now closed.

*Clem keels over sideways* J: Seem to have momentarily lost Clement Novalak, but I'm sure he will return.

J: 4.09 arrival predicted from Marcus Armstrong. C: Which is currently another 15 minutes. J: That's actually bang on 69 minutes late from Marcus Armstrong, you'd expect nothing less to be perfectly frank.

C: "Take a shot each time Clem yawns" - you're gonna be dead.

C: You're looking pretty moist.

C: Max Fewtrell. Doing the cooking. Probably doing a stream on cooking. J: Caged in his gimp suit on a leash.

J: I've been getting vastly mixed reviews on my long locks. C: It sort of looks a bit pubey at the back. J: Ally hates it. Ally fucking hates it. Which is why I'm keeping it.

C: First time he's actually text me since - hold on hold on - 17th May. J: There's a text string of Clem - I hope you don't mind me exposing this - there's three texts in a row from Clem to Fewtrell going - "Brother, I have an idea, a good one too" and he's just blanked him, he's not replied. Wise man. When Clement Novalak texts you to say he's got a good idea, don't fuckin' respond.

J: It really gets deep inside my goat. C: You do have a nice goat.

J [talking about buzzcuts]: Do you think it has like the same effect as like your downstairs, where it makes it look much bigger? C: I wouldn't want to have a massive head. J: Yeah exactly, that's what I'm thinking. C: 'Cause then it would make my massive honker look even larger. J: Yeah, no you don't want that. I can't afford my honker to look much bigger. I'm talking about my nose.

J: You do a good impression of a whipcrack actually. C: I just spat all over myself. J: Tune into Screaming Meals and watch two guys spit all over each other.

C: If I get a Pret [coffee] I'm gonna throw my phone out the window. J: Actually no you shouldn't do that it might kill someone. We're 28 floors up.

J: Actually I'm going to put the shot glasses in the freezer. Do you think I should put one in for his - his friend as well - do you think she's with him?

J: Yes it is a massive bottle of Corona, your eyes aren't deceiving you, Clem's not actually that small.

J: Is that our doorbell? I've never heard that before.

J: I had dinner with Marcus and a friend of his yesterday - can't remember her name - and he was still trying to insist that he's 6 ft tall.

J: "James show us the snazzy shorts you're wearing"

M: How are ya? C: You're three minutes late so that's  three shots. J: No, no, no you're an hour and thirteen minutes late.

M: How are you feeling? C: Pretty rooted. Where are we going tonight?

M: I'm not having any shots. I'm not drinking today. I've got to do some stuff later.

C: You disappoint me. M: I know. C: Every day. M: Yeah, I know.

J: My back is absolutely destroyed from carrying this shit. C: Yeah James, you do carry.

C: Marcus? M: Yo. J: Where do you stand on DILFs?

J: Up in the hypercar field it's been real bumper to bumper. C: C&B, bumper to bumper. J: Is C&B meaning what I think it means?

J: I hate to be fussy but could you two bastards move over a bit? C: I need to lie back and have a wee sleep.

M: Did you tell them we did a pod yesterday? J: No. M: Were we keeping that a secret? J: Yeah, we were.

M: Is this slaving away? I can't think of anything better than sitting back, watching the race, feet up on the table. C: No, get your grippers out! M: Oh the grippers are out by the way everyone. C: Disgusting, piece of filth. J: [...] five minutes, and it's underwear off, shoes off, grease in the hair.

J: "Marcus is raw-dogging his shoes" - yes!

M: By the way I have actually - I've started washing my hair everyone. You'll find out in the pod. C: And wearing deoderant. M: And wearing deoderant as well. C: And do you know what, you look better and I'm starting to think that - M: I am better. J: You might even just taste better. C: Pfffff what the fuck?? J: I was just going with the senses there. You said look, the obvious next choice was taste.

M: When we went to Long Beach weren't we meant to do an intro video? J: We wanted to do something like that, but we did run out of time because we were being cancelled and you had an indycar race to do.

M: Do you still have this as your background? J: HoyteyJ and Minougey? Hoytey. C: You've taken Hoytey off yours M: I've had to change mine. C: Yeah, I know why. J: What is it now? M: It's a dog. J: Well that's a bit rude. C: That's a bit rude. *James screams* M: It's literally like - no - it's a labrador, it's literally a little baby labrador, no! C: Oh shit yeah [chat's] just gone off. M: Come on!

C: I don't have a CV. I arrive, I say - Clement Novalak, enchante.

J: What? M: Heart rate J: Is 34? M: Yes. J: Are you alive? M: When I'm sleeping it dips down. J: When you're asleep your heart rate is 34? M: Yes. My Oura ring stops counting when it goes under 33. J: Does it assume you're dead?

C: It was the first night I had redbull vodka in about six months [...] I was doing a long distance run mate, in my bed. J: Don't need to know any more details than that.

C: Can you fucking - leave your grippers away from my grippers? J: Yeah, that's quite aggressive. C: With that fucking massive toenail. M: I just wanna play footsie [...] yeah, we're playing footsies everybody.

J: Imagine having the audacity to leave people waiting an hour and a quarter, and then just being on your phone.

M: Clem are you okay mate? Good.

J: Fuckin' hell, you selling tickets there mate? M: Gun show there. J: Watch Marcus now get competitive and not be able to resist getting his guns out.

J: What's going to run out first, our countdown to 22 hours, or the iPad battery? That might be the most interesting battle we've got going on here.

J: Thanks so much for sticking with us for the last couple of hours [...] we don't know anything that's going on in the race and we've made almost no effort to find out.

[obsessedelusional]

In Your Dreams

parings ✦ Eddie x Reader

summary ✦ Eddie was your childhood best friend. What happens when he was a dirty dream about you? Will it tear you apart or bring you two closer? contains smut

authors note ✦ I keep saying this but I appreciate all the love, my latest one shot has almost 1k notes like wtf???? I’m nearly at 100 followers it’s fucking crazy omg a week ago I posted something to test the waters and now I’m addicted to writing for y’all. Someone sent me a request like what? that’s so cool. hope you enjoy this let me know!! Cuz I’m just getting started I have so many ideas. feedback and reblogs appreciated <3

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

“What the hell was that?” Eddie groans looking down at his morning hard on. The details of the dream he had replaying in his mind, over and over again. He just had a sex dream about his best friend.

Eddie still remember the day you moved to Hawkins. You were so young, moving into a trailer a few spots down from him. Eddie was only nine years old and was ecstatic when he found out there was a kid moving just down the street. He was surprised when he found out you were actually a little girl but that never changed anything. Didn’t take very long for you two to become best friends.

Never once had he thought about you in any way but platonic. Sure he knew you were beautiful. He also definitely noticed when your breast started to grow in junior high but tried his best not to stare. Even when Jeff and Gareth were gawking at you, whispering behind your back. Eddie always telling them to shut the fuck up.

So when Eddie woke up from a dream he remembered so vividly, the dream where he was balls deep in someones pussy. Only to look up and it was you, smiling down at Eddie. The worst part is he enjoyed it even more when he realized it was you. The sound of his alarm had woke him up from the wet dream.

He thought for a moment about rubbing it out but deciding that’d be too weird. Stroking his cock while thinking of his best friend. Instead letting himself suffer, giving him self blue balls.

Eddie’s been giving you rides to school ever since he saved up enough money to purchase the van. Something you’ve done hundreds of times. This morning it felt different, Eddie wasn’t nearly as friendly as he normally was.

“Hey Teddy.” You smile, climbing into the passenger seat. Calling him the nickname he pretended to hate but you knew he secretly loved it.

“Hey,” he says flatly, not daring to look your direction.

“Everything okay?” You ask, concerned.

“Yeah I’m fine.” He finally looks your way and gives you a not so reassuring smile. Only for you to notice he’s shoots a glance to your chest. He notices you noticing and scrambles to start the car. What the fuck was that?

The drive was filled with silence, not a word said between you two. The tension thick enough you could cut it with a knife. Pulling up to school Eddie gets out without saying a word, leaving you in the car alone.

Your mind starts to race, trying to remember what you could of possibly done to make him so short with you. Also what was that about, he was definitely checking your tits out. You look down at your cleavage, it’s not anything more then it usually was. Eddie’s seen you in less and never let his eyes wonder.

—

The first half of the school day was absolutely miserable for Eddie. Normally couldn’t focus in class but today it was ten times worse. The mental image of your chest bouncing in his face as you rode his cock, heavy on his mind. Walking from class to class, book covering his boner.

He felt terrible for being so short with you but when he did look your way he was most definitely checking you out. Which you noticed so he freaked out and drove off, not saying a single word to you. Even leaving you alone in his van. He cursed himself for being so rude knowing he’d have to see you at lunch, the meeting tonight and when he gives you a ride home. Thinking to himself, ‘I could give her something else to ride’ before pushing the thoughts away as quick as they came.

—

When lunch finally rolls around, your a little late but you make your way to the lunch table. You’ve sat here hundreds of times, only this time Eddie was no where to be seen. Your sat next to Jeff, quiet which was strange for you.

“Everything ok?” Jeff asks, noticing the change in your behavior and the absence of Eddie.

“I dunno, Eddie was really weird this morning.”

“How so?”

“So short with me. Haven’t seen him since, I feel like he’s avoiding me. I saw he yesterday and everything was okay. Suddenly this morning he can’t stand to be near me.”

You sigh frustrated, “Do you know what his deal is?”

“Never know with that dude.” He laughs, obviously not taking this as seriously as you.

“Where even is he? We always have lunch together at this table.”

“I have no idea.”

“He’ll have no choice but to face me at tonight’s meeting.” You groan annoyed, standing up deciding to head to class early. No reason to sit here and let your mind race with the worst possible outcomes.

-

“Yo Eddie what’s your deal?” Jeff asks walking into the drama room. Eddie is busy setting up for DND.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been totally M.I.A today dude. Stressing y/n out.” Jeff says, plopping down in his regular seat.

“Nothing. It’s stupid. I’ll get over it.” He mumbles to him self as the rest of the guys start to pile in.

“She totally likes you, don’t give her the cold shoulder dude.” Eddie looks at Jeff more confused then ever.

“Wait what? There’s no way.”

“Dude be so fucking for real right now. I know your a little slow but it’s so apparent.” Jeff laughs.

“What? Y’all talking about Y/Ns undying love for Eddie?” Dustin chimes in, laughing with Jeff.

“You guys don’t know what your talking about.” Eddie says matter of factly.

“What are you guys talking about?” You ask startling Eddie. None of them had noticed your arrival.

“Nothing.” Eddie spits out. Against your better judgement you take a seat next to him. You sat next to him every time, so what makes today any different. That’s until you realize all eyes are on you.

“Just tell me.” You whine, curious what you interrupted. Wondering if it has to do with why Eddie’s acting so weird today.

“Just talking about how you have a giant crush on Munson.” Gareth laughs, everyone shoots him a ‘why the fuck did you say that’ type of look.

“In your dreams.” You tease, laughing because they’re right and now your embarrassed. Your attention goes to Eddie trying to gauge his reaction but his eyes go wide. Can’t even look your way. He stands up and runs out of the room, leaving you behind with the guys staring at you.

“Gareth why would say that?” You say before leaving the room to follow Eddie. Knowing that things will probably never be the same.

“Eddie wait!” You yell as your catching up to his van, where’s he’s sat inside. Just as your about to let yourself in he locks the doors from the inside.

“What the fuck Eddie? Why are you avoiding me?” He turns the key in the ignition like he’s going to leave.

“I swear to god Eddie if you leave me I will show up at your house, break your fucking door down. You will have to talk to me sooner or later.” He sighs giving up and shutting the car off before unlocking the door so you can get in. You sit in silence for a few moments unsure of what to say.

“Is this about what Gareth said?” You speak up. Eddie’s looking out the window, his body language is stiff.

“Did I do something? Whatever I did I’m sorry I hate whatever this is. This has been the worst day ever.” Eddie’s heart aches knowing that your so torn up because he’s too scared to look at you after the dirty dream he had. Awakening feelings he didn’t know he had. Wondering if they’ve always been there just too afraid to act on them because he never wants to lose you.

“No you didn’t do anything.” He finally speaks up.

“Then what is it?” Silence fills the air again.

“You know you can tell me anything, Eddie.”

“I’m terrified.” He says his voice low and shaky.

“Of what Eddie?”

“That if I say what I’m thinking I’m going to say. You’re gonna run away. I can’t lose you.”

“You’re never gonna lose me. Just spit it out.” Eddie’s hands cover her face before he lets out a large sigh.

“I had a dream about you.”

“What were we doing?” You ask, curiously.

“We were uhhh,” his voice trails off. Now you need to know what this dream consisted of. You have an idea.

“Say it.”

“We were fucking.” He finally says hands still shielding his face.

“How did that make you feel?” You ask, scooting closer.

“I liked it. Probably liked it too much. Then when Gareth opened his fat fucking mouth you said in your dreams, I lost it like fuck she has to know. How the fuck did you know?” He whines, removing his hands so he can finally face you.

“I didn’t.” You laugh.

“I’ve been avoiding you because I can’t stop reliving the dream in my mind, walking around with a boner all fucking day.” You look to his crotch and there is a tent in his jeans. It turns you on thinking you’ve caused Eddie all this torture today.

“I bet the real life thing is ten times better.”

“What?” Eddie asks.

“Maybe we can make your dream a reality. Just an idea.” You shrug your shoulders, trying so hard to read Eddie’s response.

“Are you being serious?” He questions.

“What exactly were we doing?” Eddie’s dick twitches thinking about his dream for the millionth time today. Excited because it might become true.

“You were on top.”

“On top of what?” You ask innocently, wanting to hear all the details.

“Me. You we’re riding me, your tits bouncing in my face.” His voice is shaky and you’re enjoying it.

“Is that why I caught you staring at my cleavage today?” Eddie nods yes like he’s to ashamed to admit out loud.

“It’s okay, you can look. You can even touch if you want.” Eddie looks but it’s not nearly enough for you.

“Can I kiss you?” He nods yes again and you waste no time, kissing his lips. Eddie’s hesitant but that quickly fades when you guide his hand under your shirt, he cups your breast. You take the opportunity to explore the tent in his jeans, palming his dick through his jeans. He lets out a small moan so you pull away from the kiss.

“Did you like that?” You ask hand still on his groin.

“Yeah.”

“I can make you feel so good. You want that?” You ask, still palming his cock through his jeans. Eddie moans yes, so you lead him to the back of his van.

“Here?” He asks, getting comfortable.

“Yeah we’ll just have to keep it down.” You grin sitting between his legs pulling the waist of jeans down along with his underwear. Revealing his large throbbing dick, pre cum sitting on his tip.

“Where the fuck have you been hiding this?” You start pumping his cock, watching the pleasure flood his face. Small whimpers leaving his mouth.

“So good,” he whines.

“I bet. Walking around all day long hard because of me? No way to release it.” He nods as your lips meet with the tip of his penis before swallowing as much as you can. Your tongue moving as you go up and down. You hand playing with his balls. You look up and through your lashes you can see Eddie unfolding in front of you. His moans fill the van, not being quiet at all. Eddie starts pushing down on the back of your head, forcing you to gag on his dick. Tears start to fill your eyes. You can feel the pool growing in your panties.

You push against his hands to catch your breath, spitting all saliva that’s built up onto his dick. Going back down on him, this time pushing your own limits. Making your self gag on his giant cock.

“If you don’t stop I’m gonna cum,” Eddie speaks panting. You stop what you’re doing and start taking your shorts and panties off, aligning your entrance with his cock.

“You weren’t wearing a shirt,”

“What?” You ask confused.

“In my dream.” You laugh before ripping it off throwing it to the side. Eddie’s eyes gawk at your exposed tits, even bigger and better than he had imagined. You grab his hand, leading it so he can feel how wet your cunt is.

“See how wet you make me.” You moan as he explores your pussy, fingers sliding through your lips before making slow circles on your clit.

“It’s about you today. Making your dreams come true, Teddy.” He helps you line up his dick with your hole. You slowly drop onto it, enveloping his whole cock with your warm wet pussy.

“Fuck.” Both of you are moaning. You move your hips back and forward, Eddie’s hands find you hips, guiding you. His dick fills you up perfectly. You’ve never felt so full. It’s like his dick was made for your pussy.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Eddie whines.

“Everything you’ve ever dreamt of?”

“Yes,” he moans, you drop to his level still riding him so you can kiss him intensely. You’re sweating, it’s hot as fuck in this van. The windows fogging up. The thought of possibly being caught turning you both on more. You pull away so you can pick up your pace. Eddie’s hands find their way to your boobs, squeezing tightly.

“I’m so close,” he says.

“Cum inside me.” You purr sending Eddie over the edge. His warm cum shoots inside you, you ride out his high slowing down.

You lay down next to him, breathing heavily. You two take a moment to catch your breaths. Trying to wrap your mind around what just happened and what would happen after this. You two could never go back to just being friends.

“I feel terrible.” You whip your head towards him.

“I just sucked your dick and then rode it till you came inside me and you feel terrible?” Anger threatening to come out in your voice.

“It was amazing. I just so caught up in it I didn’t make you finish.”

“I said today was about you. Making your dream come true. It can be all about me next time.” You laugh.

“Next time?” He asks.

“If you want that.”

“I definitely want that.”

“Good.” You smile kissing him one more time.

—

“What happened? Where did you guys go?” Jeff asks as you two sheepishly rejoin them in the drama room.

“We talked it out,” Eddie says sitting down. More like fucked it out but whatever.

“Just made his dream come true.” You laugh, Eddie shoots you a look.

“What?” Jeff asks.

“Ignore her.” Eddie demands and everyone goes back to playing DND. Eddie and you spend the whole game eye fucking each other. Counting down the minutes till you’d have him alone again, him doing the same.

[champangekisses]

Afterglow | R.C. & J.M.

Part One

Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings: swearing, banter, arguing, anger, suggestive, flirting

Summary: Reader’s first day back in the OBX after a year away is one to remember.

A/n: Part one to my first fic. I’m as excited as I am nervous to post this, I hope you enjoy!

All I could hear was the shouting, the constant rustle in the trees, the dogs barking uncontrollably. The flashlights shone through the trees and bushes as the sheriff and fellow deputies tried to desperately catch up to us. The fear set in, the rush of adrenaline still persistent in my body. I started to go numb as the limbs of the trees and bushes consistently smacked me all over. Then finally it happened, right before my eyes—my greatest fear became my living nightmare.

One Month Earlier

“Y/n! Make sure you pack yourself something nice to wear, remember no white!” My mom yelled up to remind me for the one hundredth time from the base of the stairs. I left the OBX a year ago, moved out to the middle of nowhere with my mom and her new husband and started a completely new life with them. Today, I finally get to go home, but unfortunately only for a week.

The Thornton’s eldest daughter is getting married off to some kid who graduated from law school, nothing special other than the groom comes from a wealthy family, and that's all that really matters out there. Keeping the rich - rich. My mom was always obsessed with the idea of me having a lifestyle almost identical to hers but I never was one for the shinier things in life, I just wanted to smoke pot and surf.

I had a plan though, she had always promised me that we would return off of one condition. “You will never see those worthless kids ever again.” Her words replayed in my head like the unmistakable tune of the piano keys I kept tapping ever so faintly as I waited by her bedroom entry, only to retain her opinion of the attire I had picked for the dreadful day to come.

“Y/n? Do you need something?” I quickly zoned back in, collecting all of the vindictive thoughts and stuffing them in a folder labeled drafts. I turned quickly to face her, she was in the middle of packing almost every nonessential item in her bathroom.

I gradually made my way to her bedside, settling down while staring at the ardent red dress in the palm of my hands. “What do you think about this one?” I spoke excitedly, masking the deceitful thoughts I was creating effortlessly in my head.

“I love it! The red dress has always been my favorite.” Her eyes glimmered at the thought of seeing me finally fit in with the kooks or as my step dad would say, the well educated kids. I gave a gentle smile to her before proceeding back through her reimposed bedroom doorway, gliding my fingers ever so delicately over the keys of the piano once more before continuing back up the staircase.

The trip there was awful and boring, outside of the plane windows you saw nothing but the many shades of green, luckily we were there within the matter of a couple hours. We took the latest flight that ultimately landed us at Charleston around eight in the evening. Exhaustedly as I am, I took it into my best interest to sleep during the next three and a half hours of our drive to the Outer Banks.

My body started lightly being pulled in one direction, then the other with every winding turn the old road took. With my eyes closed and slowly waking up, I started imagining the scenery of the old famous hang out at John B's. It was like dreaming in slow motion, watching as the sun kissed the water while we overcame the dying urge for a good time with uncontrollable laughter. Before my imagination concluded the car slowed, turning unhurriedly through massive gates that sat imperishable at the end of the elongated driveway.

Pulling up to the front doors of the old Tanneyhill Estate, I glanced into a dining room window staring at the distinctive profile of well-known Rafe Cameron. Our arrival made the inevitable distraction from the conversation at the dinner table which caused him to turn, concentrating on the moving vehicle on the other side of the very same window. The car stopped and I regained focus, grabbing my hand bag from the floorboard of the SUV before undoing my seatbelt.

Glancing down at my phone to check the time, I rested my hand on the door handle. Before I could put the energy into finally pulling it towards me, Ward swiftly swings the car door open—smiling almost as if he has never seen such a wonderful sight in his life. While demanding he help my stepdad with an argumentative tone, he reaches out for my hand and mildly holds it to help me out of the car.

I mumble a soft thanks before glancing to the front doors, locking eyes with the golden boy. Meanwhile behind me, Ward was continuing to the next car door, assisting with any need my parents had. Rafe never broke eye contact, even when he shifted his posture to lean against the framework, crossing his ankles while his hands stayed in his pockets. His smirk turned into a devilish grin that wreaked nothing but chaos. He sent chills that vibrated my bones, and even once received was not sufficient enough for the goosebumps coming to life on my neck.

I stared at the walkway in front of me, with each step the pit in my stomach grew. I could feel his eyes on me like the force of rain during a downpour. The closer we were, the weight of his stare grew even more burdensome. I felt so compliant around him, so timid. I finally reached the top of the stairs, I swung my arm out to grab the handle but Rafe had already beaten me to it. My hand gently landed on his, my anxiety quickly rising as I ripped mine back to me. His daunting smile let out a faint chuckle that only I could hear.

“If I don't get the door for you, I'm sure I'll hear about it later from my dad.” His tone was so taunting, as if he wanted me to react. I continued through the entry room, following the long narrow hallway to the backside of the home. Sarah was sitting on the love seat that was shared by her younger sister Wheezy. She wasted no time swiftly moving her head to look at the shadowed figure stepping into the light of her living room. Sarah immediately shot up, pushing everything from her lap directly on top of her sister. I prepared my body for the impact of Sarah’s as she pulled me in. We stayed continuously hugging for what felt like forever—neither of us comprehending quite yet that we were in reality. Ward hurried with the luggage, trying to push us in and assign us our rooms. We wasted no time getting ready for bed, I was anxious for what my tomorrow would bring.

I ended up sleeping in for far too long though, waking up to the smell of bacon and eggs way past the time I should be. Shooting myself up off the floor, I scurried into the bathroom across the hall. I shut the door quickly and immediately started the shower water. The only problem was that I forgot the clothes I needed to change into, so I wrapped a towel around me as my hair stayed drenched. Cracking the door open, I checked the hallway making sure nobody was able to witness the embarrassment I was about to endure. I darted across the hall, running through the entry of the bedroom I assumed was mine. I slammed the door a little too hard before turning around to look for my nonexistent clothes on the floor. Rafe, laying down on his bed, props himself up using his forearm and elbow.

“Since when did we share a room?” I jump by the sudden question asked towards me, not prepared to potentially be interrogated. I almost lose my towel in the process while Rafe begins to chuckle at my distress.

“Excuse me?” I questioned as I felt my face starting to warm as his stare intensed.

“You’re excused.” He replied with a smirk as his tone quickly became playful, I started to become flustered before popping off on him.

“You disrespectful brat! All of our interactions have ended with me being uncomfortable. You couldn’t even open the door for me out of courtesy when we first arrived! Now I'm here, sitting in a towel and you won’t even get up and help save me from this embarrassment! You’re such a jackass.” My voice started to raise as the fire within me started to spread.

Rafe shot up out of the bed as if he was being demanded to by a drill sergeant. His mood switched, intimidating was an understatement. He approached me with the same devilish smile he once had just last night, his hand reached out to hold my jaw—gentle yet firm. My breathing stopped, I couldn’t even say a word to him. Rafe brought his mouth to my ear, the closer he got the more submissive I became.

“Do you really want me to leave?” His voice made my skin crawl, my heart started pounding and my breathing came back but in manual.

“Get off of me, you mutt.” I smacked his hand away from my face which caused him to laugh before his tone shifted once again and he turned away from me.

“Get out.” He demanded. I felt even more embarrassed, I glanced at my feet noticing that I still wasn't dressed yet and it was going on late morning. I started to make my way to the door as Rafe seated himself on his bedside, I grabbed the handle and swung open his door. Walking out as if I meant to, I attempted to keep my confidence. I knew all too well that he watched me leave, my mom’s words played in my head as I proceeded down the hall once more. A dog will always remain a dog.

I finished getting dressed before making my way to the kitchen, my mom already had a cup of coffee waiting for me.

“What happened to you? I heard you get out of the shower and then it took you quite some time to get ready.” My face began to burn, Rafe’s words replicating a broken record in my head. My eyes wide open looking down at my feet with the mug full of coffee to my mouth, I sipped at it before placing it back down onto the island where she was sitting.

“I had some trouble with putting my outfit together.” I replied, hoping that was enough to get her off of my back. I couldn’t exactly tell her what happened or she would take it as a connection and mentally start wedding planning.

“Y/n! Come over here!” Sarah yelled from the back patio. My mom shaking her head in approval, I went on my way from the previous conversation and walked into an even more enlightened one. Sarah approached me with a growing smile while pulling what looked to be Topper away from Rafe whom he was actively having a conversation with. Rafe from afar glanced over at them approaching me before sitting down on patio furniture and gluing his face to his phone.

“Y/n, I wanted you to be reintroduced to my now boyfriend, Topper.” Sarah announced as I smiled, knowing that eventually they would connect. Topper has always had something special for Sarah, it was only a matter of time before she noticed.

I stepped aside from the conversation, staring off into the distance, watching the waves ever so lightly wash against the dock and the sailboats glide effortlessly against the water. I missed this, but I missed my friends more than anything. I stood there, with my mug in my hand and the coffee sitting dormant inside soon growing cold. Dreaming of the moment I see them, the Pogues.

Then, as my imagination settled, a figure started walking towards the house from the dock. Taking all of my attention away from my long forgotten wishes, they looked worn from a long day's work. When they grew closer to the back patio we shot each other a curious glance, our eyes locked which then became intense within seconds. I lost my grip, everything going numb before the mug shattered beneath me.

John B.

My lifelong best friend, walking through the yard of my now greatest enemy. Not one soul wasted time to come to my side, except for Rafe. He kept a glare on John B. as he continued down the pathway, you could see in his dark malevolent eyes that he was not welcomed here by him. Meanwhile, Ward ran to us from around the house while my mom and Rose came from the back doors.

“Y/n are you okay!? What happened!?” My mom grabbed my wrists and pulled me to her for a reply.

“N-nothing mom, I'm fine. Please.” I pushed away from her, running inside as Ward cleaned the pieces of porcelain. I went straight to the bathroom, not even sparing a moment to close the door. I turned on the cold water from the sink, staring motionless at the unrecognizable girl in the mirror while my eyes started to burn as the tears formed. I cupped the freezing water before bending over to splash it on my face, hiding any evidence of my emotion.

“I can’t believe I'm asking this but, are you okay?” With both hands gripping the bathroom counter I turned my head sharply to the door, Rafe stared at me with one eyebrow slightly raised while keeping one hand on the doorframe for support as he stood. I gave an angry chuckle before I collected myself.

“Yes, I'm fine. You can go now.” I seethed, Rafe rolled his eyes before making his way back down the hallway, mumbling the entire time before he stepped outside and back to tending to his dad’s needs. I wouldn’t go back outside, solely to prevent myself from becoming even more embarrassed by the scene I left behind. I went into the kitchen, watching my mom and Rose laugh over something that I had absolutely no interest in hearing about. Rose kindly handed me a glass of water before asking if I was okay. I felt myself turn pink, before I could even thank her and reassure her Sarah ran in from outside.

“Y/n! If you’re up for it, Topper wants to take us out for a ride in his new boat?” I turned to my mom waiting for her approval before running away from this nightmare. She sent me a soft smile before returning to her gossip session. I followed Sarah back out to the patio, ignoring the urge to apologize a hundred times for the mess I had created.

The boat wasn’t much to brag about, I don’t even remember the name of it honestly. I did enjoy the scenery though, and being able to let the water hug my fingers as we cruised back toward the dock. As we pulled up to tie off Rafe just couldn’t keep his mouth shut any longer

“So Y/n, why did you freak out like that back there at the house?” He questioned with an upward curve forming at the corner of his mouth. It made Sarah and Topper turn their heads to give me their full attention, and I couldn’t help but to glare at Rafe. This made him smile, his sunglasses hiding his eyes that had probably nothing but pure enthusiasm as he taunted me.

“So Rafe, why did you come check on me when I ran inside?” I teased, his smile soon fading while Sarah and Topper turned their heads back forward, hiding the smiles they held from the total humiliation they had just witnessed. Rafe had nothing to say but I felt accomplished knowing I officially put the pretty boy in his place, reminding him that two can play his game.

Once Topper tied the boat off we all hopped out. Rafe was of course the first one while I was last, which I didn’t mind because I wouldn’t want the help out. We all walked back to the house together until I realized I had forgotten my sandals, I turned around not even sparing a second to tell anybody. I hopped back into the boat and within seconds had found them, once I stepped out a familiar voice chimed in my ears.

“Hey there, stranger.”

My heart skipped a beat as I instinctively turned my head to look on the second level of the yacht that sat beside me. We made eye contact before I cracked a smile.

“I'll be damned; John B. Routledge.” I replied, he already had a glowing smile on his face, the same one as when we first met in school.

“Why don’t you come down here so we can be on the same level?” I tried to convince him, but luckily for me he had the same idea. John B hurried down, grabbing onto the side of the boat for him to throw himself over. While running to me to trap me in a hug, the strongest one I've been in so far. He pulled away from me but not letting go just yet.

“Y/n, you have to come to the bonfire tomorrow night. Everybody will be there and I know Kie, Pope and JJ would love to see you.” He encouraged me as I froze, not knowing how to explain that my parents absolutely despised him and the Pogues.

“I’m sure we will see each other. I know Topper and Sarah have been talking about going while we were out today.” I replied warily. John B had a concerned look on his face that had a splash of frustration before popping the one question I wished he hadn’t.

“So, you’re hanging out with the Kooks now?” I pushed him away from me.

“It's not as easy as you think it is to go back to how I once was; I have strict rules to follow and if I want to stay here for as long as I intend to do so, I have to play along.” I retorted as he stared at me wide-eyed. I knew he was confused and probably a little hurt by my reaction but that was the easiest way to tell him. I was suffocating myself staying in that home but I had another six days to try to prove to my parents that we should come back.

“I’m sorry John B., but my parents told me the only way I could come back is if I stay away from you. But -” I bit my lip, staring off into the horizon as the sun started to trinkle its way down to the water. John B grew impatient while I questioned myself to tell him my plan.

“But what Y/n?” He whined, making me snap out of my trance.

“But—if they just think I am a Kook, then they should get convinced quickly. Making it easier to hang out with you, since you know…they won’t be keeping a close eye on me.” John B sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand as he kept a stare down at the boards of the dock.

“I mean, I don’t think we have any other choice.” He replied looking back up to me, a soft smile formed once more on his face.

“Look at it this way; we finally got the Pogues back.” I smiled in response, it felt refreshing talking to John B. His voice reminded me of the soft waves as they caress the sand on the shore, the crackle of a fire that's burning at night to devour the darkness around you.

“I will see you tomorrow John.'' I smiled as I turned away from him.

“Don’t keep me waiting Y/L/N.” he replied as I started my way back to the house, blushing with a smile as I continued down the dock.

John B. was my best friend. I would be lying if I said he wasn't cute, but my eyes were on somebody else—precisely from a year ago. I stepped in through the doors that welcomed me back into the kitchen. Ward had taken Rose and my parents out for a nice dinner on the water for a warm welcome home. Sarah, Topper and Wheezy got dressed in time for the remaining two hours to be filled with laughter in the pool out back. I rounded the corner into the hallway before I was stopped by none other than Rafe, he was leaning against the wall with a look of disappointment growing on his face.

“So what was that all about?” He questioned, I stood there making awkward eye contact. Was he watching me?

“Hello?” Rafe poked once more, I furrowed my eyebrows before sending him an attitude.

“I don’t think it’s any of your business.” I pushed myself past him as he turned to watch me leave.

“It could be mine or it could be your parents’.” He barked back to me. I stopped walking as he slowly progressed towards me. I stood in fear of what my parents would do if they ever knew. I could feel his presence behind me, the goosebumps rising on my back and arms like a mountain range protruding through my skin. I turned around, finally gaining the courage to face him.

“Excuse me?” The anger spilling through my teeth.

“You heard me.” Rafe shot back at me, as if he planned out exactly what I would say to him. He lived for this, the mess he creates in my head and the endless ways he taunts me just to get me to react. He was a soulless, mediocre bastard of a person. The devil was such an understatement at this point, I only wanted to hit him but I wouldn't hear the end of it from my parents.

“Leave them at the cut, Y/n. You’re on figure eight now. You need to start acting like it.” I scoffed at him before ditching the conversation by walking away and into the guest bedroom I was staying in. Rafe followed, but stayed at the door.

“Don’t think that I don’t know how bad you want to come home, if I was you I would hang with us.” He suggested, I sit on the bedside before looking over to Rafe, one eyebrow raised before laughing at him.

“You really think I want to be friends with you? Sarah is the only kook I actually enjoy being around, but you? You are a plague that walks the earth, you only want to cause harm and enjoy watching as everything falls apart. I would never want to be associated with you, ever.” I felt my rage start to rummage through me as Rafe rolled his eyes before shutting the door, mumbling some more as he made his way back down the hallway towards the kitchen.

I put myself to bed, anxious that Rafe now has something to control me with, but how did he know that I wanted to come home? I’ve only told Sarah, and I know she wouldn’t ever tell Rafe anything, so was he eavesdropping? I brushed it off ultimately, it doesn’t matter how he found out. What matters now is that he knows.

After my cup of coffee with my mom the next morning, I wasn’t too excited to be having to go to the bonfire with the Kooks, but I don’t really have a choice right now. I tagged along with Sarah for the afternoon while Topper and Rafe did. I don’t know, Topper and Rafe things?

“So Y/n, what made you change your mind about the bonfire? When Topper and I brought it up, you seemed super uninterested.” Sarah didn’t hold back her question as she was incredibly suspicious. It caught me off guard so I took a minute to think about my response.

“Honestly, I just needed to get out and enjoy myself since I'm not promised more than this week.” I lied while the pit in my stomach grew. What if I don't stay? What if I go back? I couldn’t stand the thought of it, but I had to prepare myself for the worst. Sarah didn’t seem too convinced with my answer, giving me a raised eyebrow with a smirk following really gave it away.

“Okay, well we need outfits for tonight. Almost everybody in the OBX will be there, sometimes school aged visitors show up too if they’re looking to get away from their family.” Sarah continued on about the bonfire, while I searched through the never ending clothes racks. We finally finished our shopping spree and made it back in enough time to get ready for the fire. I was a tad anxious not knowing if I looked good in what I picked. Honestly though, every woman out here has the same fashion sense unless you're a visitor. As Sarah was finishing up I gradually made my way to the kitchen, lazily pouring myself a glass of water before becoming interrupted with an unwanted guest. Leaning against the counter’s edge closest to me, Rafe rested his chin in the palm of one of his hands while sneakily trying to reach under the cabinet for his father’s whiskey with the other.

“Can I help you?” I mucked up the courage to speak while avoiding any eye contact, back facing the glare I knew he was giving me.

“Your shorts, pull them down some.” He spoke as if he was agitated, I immediately felt the rage take over my body once more as if I was becoming a wildfire that couldn’t be put out.

“How dare you comment on my shorts! You don't own me nor my body nor my mind, and I will never and I mean absolutely never do a single thing you tell me to do!” I screamed at Rafe in a tone as if I was scolding a troubled teen, but he wasted no time to crack a smile before chuckling a bit, switching positions so his back can rest on the wall behind him and tucking his hands back into his front pockets before closing his eyes and pulling his head down towards the floor beneath him.

“I never said to take them off, but when your shorts are riding so high that it looks as if your ass is suffocating it just looks…I don't know, it's funny.” He replied with a soft attitude, the embarrassment raced across my face as if it was in a marathon going for first place. Swiftly yet unsuspiciously, I grabbed the bottom of one side of my shorts as I tightened the grip I had on the glass with my other, tugging the god forsaken things down as much as I could. Rafe had a steady grin while keeping his eyes closed, knowing only too well what I was doing. I gulped down the cold water before flipping the glass upside down in the kitchen sink, then without a second thought started my way back to Sarah’s room. Leaving Rafe with his new found bottle of whiskey, and the satisfied smirk he continued to hold onto that only made the night jealous with how dark its intentions were.

I quickly stepped into Sarah’s room, shutting the door with my back before elegantly sliding down until my bottom touched the freshly installed carpet. I shut my eyes before exhaling the breath I held in for what felt like eternity.

God, I hate him.

My mind was full of anger while my body said otherwise, I couldn’t ignore the fact I desired him. Everything he does, he knows it’s working as if he needs me to want him. As if he wants me to need him.

“How does this look?” Sarah’s voice intruded my thoughts. Luckily, she didn’t seem concerned for my growing silence moments after following the slight blush spreading across my cheeks.

“I think you look great. Are you finally ready?” I quickly spoke, before jumping to my feet with a mask of excitement that only hid pure anxiety. We made our way down the spiral staircase, following Sarah’s lead as we made it to the last step. My fingers effortlessly slid down the white handrail as every imperfection of the wood protruded from the thick sealant, so well that I was forced to acknowledge the splinter left behind from it. I winced at the pain as Sarah bolted to Topper, jumping into a hug which resulted in the air being filled with laughter.

I realized a little too late that I should’ve brought a jacket to the bonfire. The ocean left little kisses on my cheeks as the breeze picked up, which carried the slightest bit of mist from the crashing waves in the distance.

“Y/n?” Topper spoke out softly, my concentration returning to him as I snapped out of the trance that the water had on me.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” I asked, ignoring the worrisome look on his face as he continued.

“Why exactly do you wear that ring all the time? You’re not like, engaged are you?” You shared a quick chuckle with the blond as you mindlessly played with the tiny band with your thumb, examining the delicate piece of silver that carried a microscopic engraved heart. Your mother requested it to be on there, she said it would add character or something like that.

“Oh, this little thing? It’s a purity ring, gifted to me by my parents for my birthday last year.” I answered, glancing back up to Topper who was taking another swig of his beer before lowering the bottle with a soft sigh and pink cheeks.

“Oh, interesting. Uh, do you see Sarah anywhere? She said she was grabbing herself another drink but she never came back.” He asked as the air thickened with tension, his eyes frantically scanning the faces of the individuals in front of us.

“I just want to make sure she’s o…” I turned to face him, curious yet concerned about what had made him lose his train of thought. His eyes darkened while his knuckles turned white from gripping the now empty bottle in his hand, I couldn’t get a word out before he made his way forcefully through the hoard of people in between us and his target.

I scan the crowd ahead of him before my eyes land on Sarah talking to John B. My heart started racing as I prepared myself for the conflict about to happen. Looking at my surroundings frantically, I feel a hand snake around my waist.

“Now, how has the Kook life been treating you?” A familiar voice spoke out while leaning towards my ear, the music so loud it was almost impossible to think.

My heart fluttered as every butterfly made its way to my stomach as I turned to face him, JJ’s smile matching mine as we sat in silence for what felt like eternity. I would leave this Kook life within a blink of an eye if it meant I could stay here in this moment with him forever, and surely by the looks of it, he felt the same. I glanced down at my beer, a soft pink grew on my cheeks but luckily the dim light of the fire hid my embarrassment quite extensively.

“Terrible.” I whispered, looking back into his eyes with only inches of separation between us. His breath reeked of bourbon and cigarettes while his eyes searched mine, as if trying to find the life they once emitted. Sadness soon filled the space between us as the memories washed over him and I. We stood in complete silence as if we were waiting for the other to speak, sharing the suffocating tension we had created. I stepped towards him, never breaking the gaze we held as I wrapped one arm around his neck and closed the space between us with a hug.

“I just want to come home J.” I whimpered in his ear while trying my best not to shed a tear, especially not at a party full of Kooks.

“Then come home, baby.” JJ hummed before hugging me tightly. Before I could process what I had just done, a scream echoed through the area and I remembered.

Topper.

[chainzzzzsaw]

help i wrote something but its so bad and makes no sense i need someone to read it and help me 💀💀💀

(its soukoku angst:3)

(also tw for suicide)

. . .

He was having a panic attack, he couldn't breathe. He felt like he was drowning in the air that was far too humid to ever be comfortable in. His head was buried between his knees as he took harsh breaths through his nose and out through his mouth. In and out. He repeated to himself silently in his head. As he began hyperventilating, he felt cold water droplets fall down on his head, soaking his hair and the nature around him.

He was sitting in the grove of a dying tree in a place where only he and Chuuya knew about. They had gone here together years ago before Dazai had left the Port Mafia. He hasn’t been here in 4 years, so why was he here now?

He heard a crunch of dead leaves down the path he had come down. His eyes filled up with his own water droplets as he heard his name being called by the one boy he truly felt something for. “Dazai..?” It sounded muffled, like he was listening through a low quality video. He wasn't actually there. He felt dissociative. He wasn't there, but he was, and this was happening. He heard his name again, “Dazai!” followed by a tap on the shoulder. He couldn’t answer. Dazai lifted his head up and stared into Chuuya’s cold azure eyes. The longer he stared, the longer he felt his eyes and heart betray himself.

His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. It had been 4 whole years since he had last seen Chuuya, 4 whole years of his love stored inside him, did Chuuya feel the same about Dazai all this time? Why was Chuuya here now?

These were the thoughts that dashed from the left side of Dazai’s brain to the right side.

The tears that had been daring to leak out of Dazai’s eyes, had already started to come out, yet he didn't realize. The water drained out of his eyes, competing in a race to the end of Dazai’s face. Chuuya pulled Dazai up off the, now wet, dirt and said something. He didn't seem to hear it though. The rain began spilling over both of their faces now, mingling with Dazai’s tears that were still flowing.

As he felt himself slowly come back to reality, he realized Chuuya’s arm was holding his wrist, right on his bandages. He looked down, and Chuuya dropped it. “Why are you here? Why right now?” Dazai said with a whine, his voice feeling shaky, which was something that never happened to Dazai. “I always come here. I always come here and I wait for the day that you come back.” Chuuya responded almost as if he was breathless.

He felt every memory he had with Chuuya come directly back to him, stabbing him in the heart relentlessly. “Huh…” It almost came out in a whisper. Did Chuuya want Dazai to come back?

“Dazai. I- I can't just pretend like I haven't been thinking about you every day since you left… I was in love with you. That isn't something that just goes away with time.” Chuuya rambled on, but Dazai just stood there. He couldn't process what Chuuya was saying when he was talking so fast, he was going over every word in his head, but he was stuck on that word he heard.

Love.

I was in love with you.

Chuuya’s words replayed in his mind like a horrible song you can't get out of your head. It flew into his ear, and then through his mind, stabbing into his heart, and back out again, over and over.

He loved Chuuya too, he just couldn't say it. The words wouldn't come out of his mouth. Like an answer you know but you just can’t remember.

“Me? Why me? I’m not good.” Dazai didn’t even know what he was saying, better yet, he didn’t even know he was talking.

“Because you're Dazai.”

Dazai’s hands slowly brought themselves to the sides of Chuuya’s face. Chuuya flinched at the touch. He hesitated to speak, he couldn’t show vulnerability, even with Chuuya. What was wrong with Dazai? Couldn’t he let go of his pride for one second and just say that he loved him back?

Chuuya’s hands now rested upon Dazai’s, which were lazily placed on his face. He didn’t know when either of them started to lean in, but they did, and their lips touched briefly. Dazai felt his tears roll down his face even as they shared a kiss. They both pulled away from each other, wide eyed, and Dazai dropped his hands.

“…Woah.” Chuuya whispered. “Um… Uh… I’m sorry.” Dazai had guilt lingering in his voice. They hadn't even talked about how they felt for each other and here they were, kissing, after not seeing each other for 4 years?!

Dazai had a gut feeling that this wouldn’t go how he wanted it to. He wanted them to be together, stuck like glue as they once were years ago. But he knew that wouldn’t happen, not after everything he’s done, not with his current mental state.

The silence was unbearable, it consumed them both. Eating all the words they wanted to say until there was nothing left at all.

Dazai is scared to love Chuuya, he knows he brings pain to all of those around him. The misfortune and pain he has following him like a cloud is not something he wishes to push onto the one person he has learned to love. He doesn’t wish to burden him with the pressure of his feelings.

“I'm sorry…”

And with that, Dazai quickly pushed past him and jogged down the path and back to his apartment. Chuuya chased after him, not knowing what else to do, but he lost him along the way. He at least knew where Dazai lived because, as one does, he did some light stalking over the years they were apart.

. . .

Dazai had finally made it home after 10 long minutes of looking behind him to see if Chuuya had followed. Spoiler, he hadn’t. Dazai didn’t know if he was happy or disappointed about that, but right now it didn't matter to him.

His thoughts progressively got worse as he unlocked the door, stepping in quickly and dragging himself to his room. He bent down to his drawer, he felt his legs burn.

His fingers rummaged through the random items he had thrown in it, obviously searching for something. He pulled out his blade, sighing deeply, and then his eyes met the bottle of Prozac laying on the corner of his dresser, quickly snatching it up.

He didnt know which to use, but if he couldn’t choose between them, why not just use both?

And so he did. Dazai grasped both the blade and the pills, preparing himself for yet another suicide attempt. It wasn’t a foreign concept to him, as he constantly planned new methods to end his life and courageously attempted them. Dazai held a desperate hope, a wish, that one day, one of his attempts would succeed, granting him freedom from the burdensome chains of existence. He knew his attempts were always futile, yet he clung to a glimmer of hope, praying that this time, just maybe, it would be different.

He picked up the bottle of prozac and held it in his left hand, the blade in his right. His thoughts were flooding his mind and battling with each other. He felt so much regret filling his heart of all the things he didn’t do with Chuuya, the things he couldn’t do.

Dazai flung the blade and the bottle of pills onto his bed before making his way to the kitchen. He retrieved a glass and filled it to the brim with tap water. Returning to his bedroom, he carelessly dropped the cup onto his dresser. With a hesitant hand, he opened the bottle of Prozac, pouring an excess of pills into his palm. He hesitated, his hand hovering near his mouth, reluctant to ingest them.

Dazai wanted to die, he always has, it's what he's known for. So why was he hesitating? Was it because of Chuuya?

Dazai liked being in control, he hated that his mind was a slave to his heart.

He tried his best to ignore his thoughts and dropped the handful of pills into his mouth and swallowed them quickly, using the water as a chaser to get them down his throat.

He was a bit more dizzy than he had been before. He picked up the blade and held it vertically on his wrist. He took a deep breath and pressed down hard into his wrist, wincing as he dragged the blade down his forearm. He repeated the same action on his other arm, blood was now dripping down onto the floor in puddles.

He sat down on the floor with his back against his bed, using the rest of the energy he had left to cut anywhere else that would contribute to a successful attempt because he knew well that there was always a way to survive any suicide attempt.

His neck?

Dazai’s neck was leaking like a waterfall, spilling all over his shirt. He felt himself drifting in and out of consciousness. His eyes felt heavy. He knew this would be the attempt that brought him to that oh so peaceful deep sleep that is death.

What Dazai didn’t know is that Chuuya was on his way right now, passing through numerous red lights just to get to him. The first thing that Chuuya would see when he came into Dazai’s room, is Dazai’s body being drained of the life that was left inside of him. That thought alone gave his heart a squeeze.

He thinks he heard banging at his front door, maybe he's just delirious. Was Dazai dissociating again? The banging got even louder and then it stopped and a louder bang came shortly after with a crash following. The door was knocked down, Ha, it’s Chuuya.

Dazai heard his name being called along with heavy footsteps, but there was nothing he could do to answer. His skin was as pale as paper and his clothes were drenched in his own blood.

Chuuya kicked into Dazai’s room and saw his body, bleeding out. Dazai felt himself smile.

“I- wh — Dazai-” He fumbled on his words. Chuuya felt like he couldn’t move, he felt stuck. He was tearing up, his eyes now cloudy. He forced his body to move and brought his hands around Dazai.

Chuuya looked into Dazai’s empty brown eyes and felt sick, his hands trembling. Their eyes locked and Dazai’s smile immediately faded and his face turned into something akin to frantic.

Dazai had just realized that maybe he didn’t want to die. At least, not now.

Something about looking into eyes that were burning with life while he was about to run out of his own did something to him. Dazai felt his body slowly slipping away with each faint breath he tried to take in. Water began piling up on his lash line once again.

His lungs were begging for air and he felt lightheaded. Dazai was going to die now. He had slit his wrists, neck, and took way more prozac than any doctor would ever recommend.

Chuuya’s hands were holding onto Dazai, he was saying something but Dazai couldn’t hear it. A black veil began clouding over his vision and Dazai knew what that meant. He wanted to open his eyes, stop dying for a second so he could tell Chuuya what he’s been wanting to say since the day they met.

The last thing he heard was muffled yelling and a phone ringing.

. . .

Dazai’s eyes finally opened, but he wasn’t with Chuuya and he wasn’t in a hospital. He had finally succeeded at something, but death was something he no longer craved.

Whenever Dazai was with Chuuya, all his thoughts of suicide seemed to float away. When Dazai was with Chuuya, he didn’t have to worry about anything. When Dazai was with Chuuya, he wanted to try living. Chuuya was the lightbulb in Dazai’s dark room.

Dazai's life had always seemed bleak in Chuuya's absence. The fleeting moments of genuine happiness he experienced were intertwined with memories of Oda and Chuuya. With Oda gone and now Dazai's own passing, those moments felt even more distant.

Dazai now found himself overwhelmed by his emotions, their intensity hitting him like crashing waves. These waves, reminiscent of water, stirred memories of the cold blue hue of Chuuya's eyes.

help idk if im done with this but idk what to add.. i just hate this but i need input from others it feels so rushed to me

[hischierswhore]

back to december

pairing: Christian Pulisic x Reader

In honor of “Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)” being released, this is based on “Back to December” by Taylor Swift 💜

You sat in the nearly empty café at a small table for two, hidden in the back corner of the room. You anxiously waited for the little bell above the door to ring, signifying that someone had entered. As you waited, your leg started bouncing up & down and your hands became clammy. You hadn’t seen Christian in nearly a year.

Around 10 minutes passed when the bell rang. Your legs immediately stood up, in hopes that it would be him, and a small smile crept onto your face as you saw his beautifully freckled face walking towards your table.

“Hey” Christian spoke as he approached you. You stood up to give him a quick hug, but you decided against it at the last minute.

“Hey. I’m so glad you were able to make some time to see me” You responded as you gestured for him to sit, him simply whispering a “yeah” as he sat down.

“How’s life? How’s your family? I haven’t seen them in a while”

“I’ve been good, busier than ever. They’re doing good too. Avery’s getting so big” He let out a slight laugh, and it made you happy to hear it for the first time in months.

You both small talk for a bit, talking about work & the weather, but you can sense that he’s a bit tense. His guard is most certainly up, and you know exactly why.

The last time he saw you was still replaying in the back of his mind: you leaving him. He had brought you some roses, and you left them there to die after that night.

“I’m just going to get it out of the way already. I’m so incredibly sorry for that night. I’ve tried to hard to move on after all these months but I just find myself missing you”

Christian didn’t speak. He watched you intently as you spoke, watching you let everything that you’d been holding in for all this time out.

“I haven’t been able to sleep, Chris. For 9 months I’ve spent each night thinking about the night I left. I’ve thought about how I didn’t call you on your birthday two months ago”

“Sometimes I think about the summer and all the times I watched you laughing in the passenger side” Chris spoke suddenly.

“And then I realized I loved you in the fall” You said quietly.

“But then the winter came and you were gone. I gave you all of my love and you decided it was time to leave” He mumbled as he let his head fall, staring down at the empty table in-front of him. You felt a pang of guilt in your chest at his words. It was your fault.

“I miss the way you held me in your arms that September night-”

“-the first time I ever saw you cry” Christian finished your sentence for you, memories from that night coming back to him.

Silence filled the air between you both, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

“Maybe this is wishful thinking, but if we loved again, I swear I’d love you right. But if you’re not ready to try again, I understand” You looked at him, hoping he would lift his gaze and look you in the eyes.

“I can’t, Y/n. I can’t put my heart on the line again for you, when you might just turn around and break it like you did before” He looked at you as he spoke, his eyes slightly glossed over. He looked as if he was fighting back tears.

“But-”

“But nothing. I accept your apology, but it’s time for both of us to move on. We were great while we lasted, but I just can’t go through that pain again. You didn’t call once to see how I was doing, to see if I was okay. I waited for your name to appear on my phone for weeks, only for it to never happen. You can’t break my heart, disappear for months and then come waltzing back in like nothing happened, like you didn’t happen” A tear trickled down Christian’s face as he spoke.

“I’m so sorry, Chris”

“I know you are, and I accept your apology. But this” He gestured between the pair of you “Won’t happen again” You simply nodded your head at his words, unable to find words to express how you felt.

It was silent once again until Christian decided it was time to go.

“Well, thanks for inviting me. I think it was good for both of us to get it off our chests” He went in for a hug and you nearly melted into it. You missed this feeling, and you would never have it again.

A few seconds passed and Chris let go, saying goodbye one last time for walking out of the café. This time it was you who watched him leave, and your heart shattered the same way his had when you had left him.

“I’d go back to December all the time”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

taglist

@ithinkimokeei @myheartgoesvroom @mounthings @tall-tanned-tattoo @itsnotgray @alwaysclassyeagle @charlewiss @mortirolo @chelseagirl98 @lovelynikol16 @username-envy @pulisicsgirl @lizzypotter14 @bracedes @thoseboysinblue @swimmingismywholelife @neverinadream @fernandezology

[breakavleheaven]

Revival

Authors note:

Hi!

This is a series I’m writing called revival. It will be my first ever fic I’ve written so please be easy on me. I think most parts will be inspired by a tswift song🫶🏻 part one is loosely based on the song gorgeous. I hope you enjoy 😊

There will be a few time jumps in this series, nothing too major. Probably a few continuity errors eg. how long carlos and Celine have been together vs what team he was with during those years.

Parings: Carlos Saniz x oc , eventual Lando Norris x oc

Warnings:

Angst, slow burn, Bad/inappropriate language, slight age gap Carlos is 5 years older than oc. Asshole!Carlos. Mentions of cheating. Sexual themes. Google translated Spanish. Scuderia Ferrari.

Maybe a few grammar mistakes.

Pt 1. Gorgeous

What. The. Fuck.

Celine's mind was racing as she couldn't help but think that the past five years had just been flushed down the drain. Her time wasted, and the years she and Carlos had spent together building their lives were over. Struggling to control her silent sobs in the club bathroom, the scene she had just witnessed kept replaying on a loop in her head.

Minutes ago, she had seen Carlos making out with another woman in the back of a dark Vegas club. The woman was straddling him, her hands running through Carlos' signature dark and flawless hair. His hands were roaming her backside, gripping her ass. It was then that Celine caught a glimpse of the ring that adorned his right pointer finger. It was unmistakably clear that it was the one she had bought him for their five-year anniversary that past spring.

They should be celebrating Carlos' first-place podium finish and securing Ferrari's second place in the constructor's championship. But instead, she saw him entangled with another woman, and her heart was shattered.

2 hours earlier- 2023 Las Vegas Grand Prix

As Celine sat in the Ferrari garage, she couldn't control her nerves, watching her boyfriend drive at insane speeds down the last Vegas strip for the past hour and a half. Four laps to go, and Carlos was in second place, a few hundredths of a second behind Max. She was oblivious to the camera that was focused on her as she listened intently to her boyfriend's radio.

His engineer's voice came through the radio system. "Carlos, you are .100 of a second behind Verstappen. Keep pushing, we can do this. Norris is .200 behind."

"You do not need to tell me, I have eyes. You will mess up my concentration."

"Copy."

Celine rolled her eyes and let out a slight laugh. Yeah, Ferrari's strategy hasn't always had the best track record, but they have been on top of it this year.

"We are now on the second-last lap of the first Las Vegas Grand Prix, and it has been an exciting one. Verstappen is in the lead, but the Spanish driver Sainz is right behind him and shows no sign of letting up." The excited voice of Martin Bundel rang through the F1 broadcast.

Celine's sweaty hands gripped together in front of her like a prayer, her Ferrari red nails digging into her skin, and her bottom lip she was biting so hard blood was bound to start flowing out.

"Last lap, and Sainz is still not letting up. He has an opportunity to pass coming up at the next corner. Will he go for it?"

She inhaled deeply.

"SAINZ HAS JUST PASSED THE RED BULL DRIVER AND IS APPROACHING THE CHECKERED FLAG”.

Celine threw off her headphones and jumped up out of her seat.

"The Ferrari has done it! Carlos Sainz has won the first-ever Las Vegas Grand Prix and secured Ferrari's second place in the Constructors' Championship. That's P1 for Sainz, P2 for Verstappen, and P3 for Norris." Crofty shouted excitedly.

As she made her way to the barrier of parc fermé, tears started flowing. She was so proud after all the years he had struggled. He may have only just won a race and landed Ferrari that second place in the Constructors' Championship, but he had fought hard, and overtaking Max, especially on the last lap, was no easy task.

Carlos, like all the other drivers, was too many points behind Max to be awarded the world champion at the next race in Abu Dhabi, but regardless, she couldn't help but beam at what her boyfriend had accomplished.

As he pulled up, she was pushing her way to the front of the barrier to greet him, with most of the engineers moving out of her way. He spotted her right away and ran over, placing a longing kiss on her lips and said, "Eso fue para ti. Te amaré por siempre." (That was for you. I love you forever.) She beamed at him. "You are amazing, my love," she replied. He then greeted and thanked his team for all their work.

When Lando hopped out of his car, he approached Carlos and gave him a pat on the back, and the two congratulated each other. Lando went to where his family and team were to thank them, and his eyes quickly scanned the crowd before spotting Celine. She could have sworn his grin became a little wider. He then approached her and reached over to give her a hug. "Congrats, Lando. You had a great race!" she said with a smile. You consider Lando a close friend, ever since he and Carlos were teammates at McLaren. The two of you were slightly closer in age than yourself and Carlos, and you formed a quick friendship. You still stayed friends even as Carlos moved to Ferrari.

The podium celebrations were chaotic, to say the least, with the three men completely soaking each other in champagne.

Bringing herself back to reality, she quickly realized she needed to get a grip. Carlos didn't know she had just witnessed his infidelity. One thing she knew for sure was cheating was inexcusable, and she was not interested in continuing their relationship, no matter how many years were being thrown away.

She took a few minutes to gather herself and took some deep breaths, rinsed her face with cool water from the tap, and removed any of her ruined makeup. She found her mascara, concealer, and lipstick in her bag and quickly reapplied them.

Celine looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. You wouldn't be able to guess she was bawling her eyes out a few minutes before. She straightened out her tight black dress that hugged her body perfectly and knew she looked hot. She came to a decision—for the time being, she was going to pretend that she had witnessed nothing. Just because he ruined her didn't mean she was going to ruin this night for anyone else here. She wasn't selfish. She was going to get drunk, have a good time, and avoid Carlos to the best of her ability until she could deal with him.

She finally stepped out of the bathroom and made her way back into the crowded area of the club. Carlos quickly spotted her and came to her side. She wanted to push him away, but she resisted the temptation.

"Amor, where have you been? You had me worried for a bit," he said. Mentally, she rolled her eyes, but she looked up at him through her long eyelashes with the best fake grin and said, "I went to the bathroom but realized I needed a bit of air, so I stepped out for a few minutes with Alexandra," knowing the elegant brunette girlfriend of his teammate would have her back. He smiled gently at her before asking if she was alright, to which she responded she was just getting too hot inside the crowded club. She told him she was going to grab a drink at the bar, which he nodded to and placed a kiss on her forehead. She walked away, and then wiped her forehead when she knew he wouldn't be watching.

She got to the bar and quickly ordered a shot of tequila and a double vodka soda. The curly-haired man next to her asked to add another tequila to that, then turned to face her with a grin. She saw the fresh glass of whiskey in his hands, slightly swirling around in his glass with the ice hitting the side of the glass with a slight clink, she realized it was Lando.

“Wow, tequila shots alone?" she smirked. "When in Vegas," she replied with a wink. Lando let out a low chuckle. "You look beautiful tonight, Celine," he complimented. "Thank you, Lando. You clean up pretty nice yourself.”

She temporarily got lost in her thoughts as she realized Carlos hadn't even complimented her tonight. The sound of glasses being placed on the counter pulled her from her thoughts. Lando was quick to place a few bills on the counter to cover both drinks.

"You don't have to do that," she told the Brit. He just smiled at her and shook his head. "If anything, I should be buying you a drink, Mr. P3," he rolled his eyes. "A thank you would be fine, Celine," she smirked. "Thank you, Lando," she said sweetly as the pair raised their shot glasses and clinked them together. She brought the glass to her mouth, tipped it back, swallowed quickly, and then licked her lips. Lando's eyes flickered down to her lips. She pretended not to notice. She had always found Lando attractive. Anyone with eyes would say the same thing. He had this frat boy vibe that was working for him. But she was in a relationship, so she had never really thought about it. Or rather, she had been in a relationship up until 30 minutes ago. She gave Lando a smile before thanking him again for the drinks, grabbing her vodka soda, and walking off to find Alex.

---

Lando knew he was in trouble, even from the first time Carlos brought Celine to the McLaren garage. He had harbored a small crush on the woman for years, but since she was his ex-teammate's & friend's girlfriend, he pushed those feelings away and pretended he didn't feel that way. He had mastered it so well he thought he could have won an Oscar.

She looked so gorgeous today, majorly so. It physically pained him. Even at the race when he saw her at the barricade, his stomach flipped. Oh, how he wished she was there to cheer him on. He shouldn't even be thinking about her like this. He really shouldn't have been flirting with her at the bar, and he certainly shouldn't have bought her those drinks either. But he couldn't resist. That short black dress she was wearing did nothing to help his thoughts. It hugged her curves in all the right places, showcasing her cleavage and sculpted butt. Not to mention when she licked her lips, he couldn't help but let his mind wander. He would love to taste her lips and pull her bottom lip between his teeth, then she would let out a small moan—He groaned and shook his head. No, no way, nope. He couldn't be thinking about Carlos' girlfriend like that. This was making him miserable.

Part 2 part 3