#like if I wasn't constantly stressing about not understanding something quickly enough to get a good grade

[wayfayrr]

I just remembered how sometimes I yell at Link when he does something that annoys me, like if I’m trying to walk across a really skinny plank but he accidentally walks off/falls off, or when I’m trying to run from an enemy but he starts climbing a tree instead. I’ll just be like “Link no! Get off the stupid tree omg ur gonna die!” Or “Link! Stop falling off the platform! I just wanna get to the top already!” Would he be mad at me for yelling at him? Sad? …..?

Then there’s an unrelated issue that isn’t his fault that my controller sometimes drifts, so he’s walked off cliffs before bc it was drifting slightly forward and I didn’t notice. The most annoying one on my controller is when the motion control stops working and I’m trying to aim my bow and arrow but it freezes so I have to quickly manually flick the analog stick so it works again but by then I might’ve already gotten hit. Is he mad at me for these problems?

Oooooooh! Then there’s the whole having to scroll thru the whole menu options when u wanna attach something to ur arrow. Ugh that takes forever! Like I wanted a bomb flower but now I want a keese eyeball and that’s all the way at the other end of the menu! Is he frustrated w that? (Ik technically it’s “paused” when I do that but let’s say he’s still conscious when I’m doing that it’s just everything around him is frozen in time. So like he’s just crouching there waiting for me to finally attach an eyeball lol).

Or what about the sages?? I love them all so much but trying to find them (and the right one when u have all of them) and activate their ability is sometimes annoying. I’ll want Sidon’s shield for a second but instead Tulin does his gust. Or when I’m just trying to pick something up he’ll blow it away lol. What does Tears think of that?

Sorry this got so long. I understand I had like 4 ideas in this ask, they all just came into my mind at once lol.

I think he'd get a bit upset over you yelling at him, he gets that you're worried that he'll get hurt but it's not always his fault? sometimes sure but it's just starting to hurt his feelings more than anything. when you're playing he's just a puppet in your hands and as much as he loves you he's still 'a person'. if you struggle to even put him anywhere near that position soon then well, it's not like you can yell at him again for it right? he doesn't want to upset you after all.

I don't think that he'd ever blame you for console defects like that, hell he could even be behind a good number of them, it's not your fault the game is buggy. The only time he could ever be bothered by it is is you close out of the game because its so buggy, if the game is getting to the point where it's bordering on unplayable he still can't blame you but it'll get under his skin so much more. is he not good enough for you? is his game not good enough for you to work through the glitches? don't be surprised if you can't exit the game or turn off your switch for a bit :3 surely nothing has gotten corrupted or broken beyond repair right? No he hasn't sabotaged it himself, how could he - why would he?

The menu is honestly pretty sucky at times for throwing items and sticking them to your arrows, besides from reshuffling it to get what you need to be closer to where you start scrolling from. I think tears is most likely to get irritated at the games own design for that, because it'd be so much easier for him to just grab what you needed from his pad to fuse it onto one of his arrows but he just can't, he's stuck having to abide by the rules of the game, watching you struggle with the admittedly awful UI Nintendo cursed him with. If he wasn't so stressed about you resetting him - or worse reporting your 'faulty' copy of the game. he'd take his own steps to make it better for you - maybe he'll even do it earlier if you carry on struggling like this. He just needs to get more confident about it <3

the sages probably mess with him so much, he wants you ALONE and now he's constantly got these guys running around him?? he's gotta interact with them to try and get his abilities (lwk this could make him more jealous of wild who gets to have you one on one all of the time) And most of the sages abilities are optional anyway so I mean, maybe you won't notice if he simply disables them right? he won't delete them outright so if you miss them you can use them but if you don't reactivate them? maybe he could.... so then it'll be just you and him, just link.

[sturnzyolo]

Shadows

Matt Sturniolo x fem reader

Warnings: fluff, swearing, a little eerie scenery, crying, stress, bullying mention, comfort, anxiety, and slight obsession (anything else will be added in later parts)

slight summary/teaser: reader feels a significant connection to a particular classmate of hers, her teacher's favorite student. One day, when on her way home, she hears something.

⚠️ my first ever fic so don't hate if it's absolute shit although I take honors english + I will NOT be writing any smut, (sorry u horndoggaroonies) bc I believe my digital footprint is terrible as is, so. let's not add onto it!

(This part is mainly created on my computer so if anything's fucked up ill fix it on my phone)

PART 1

3rd person POV?

Matt didn't understand why he was so favored in his calculus class, he wasn't a nerd, although he seemed like one with his glasses and button-ups. It wasn't like he got every answer right, no not at all. He barely even paid attention in class, his mind wanders instead.

Mr. Robinson has always been overly kind to Matt, he would have him stay after class or during passing period just to talk about how Matt was doing. Matt would constantly get a run down about Mr. Robinson's son having terrible anxiety. Maybe that's why he was so easy on Matt and favorited him, he most likely just reminded his teacher of his son, which seems more like pity. Matt usually would find this behavior odd, most teachers didn't even know Matt was in their class til he asked to go to the nurse, bathroom, office, or if there was any group project, he'd always be picked last by some group who didn't have enough members.

He noticed y/n looking at him in class, only from time to time of course, he found it weird how someone could be paying attention to him, then again he just thought she was making fun of him in her head.

Bullying wasn't like it was in the movies, for Matt, it was just whispers and stares. Kids would laugh as he passed, most called him the teacher's pet if they shared calculus with him. He mainly stuck to himself, somedays he didn't even show up, if it was just staying at home to do work online or going to an early therapy session.

Y/N POV

May 13th, 2024

(let's pretend their 18, in their senior year in 2024)

A dreadful Monday morning, Matt was wearing a collared white and blue striped button up with dark tan cargo pants. I watched him walk up to his seat in calculus class, nobody spoke to him except Mr. Robinson, giving an overly cheerful, "Goodmorning Matthew" as he headed in. Matt only muttered a tired "morning" as he threw his backpack next to his desk and leaned into his chair while he sat.

Class went as normal throughout his lecture. Honestly, I could've fallen asleep, for once I understood the material, so I found paying attention quite useless.

"Matthew what's the answer to page 347 question 9?" Mr. Robinson said abruptly

I practically jumped out of my seat, he never called on Matt, and I was shocked he finally did. I looked over to see Matt, knocked completely out of his daze, I guess he didn't expect the sudden call out either.

Matt fiddled with his pencil nervously as Mr. Robinson waited for an answer, yet he was only met with "Um's" and "Uh's" out of Matt.

I kicked Matt's ankle gently, I covered my mouth loosely as I whispered the answer, which I had to quickly figure out. I felt awkward in the moment just watching it, so I couldn't bare it lasting any longer.

Matt nervously repeated my words with stumbles, which I was even shocked that it was correct. Mr. Robinson seemed proud with a nod and a slight smile "Correct, amazing work Matthew"

Even with the praise he still seemed nervous, he was still anxious from the awkward occurance that had all the eyes laid onto him.

He turned back to me slightly, whispering a soft "thank you" before he sat up and tried to compose himself

"No problem" I said back quietly, although my voice was practically a loud speaker to Mr. Robinson, who almost instantly snapped his cold gaze towards me

"Ms. Y/L/N stop the talking back there or you're going to the office" he demanded in a very threatening tone

I never left it alone whenever I was unfairly called out, Mr. Robinson knew this, and I swear he did it to get a rise out of me.

"Sir I wasn't even talking!" I called out

"Well you are now so zip it or you're out." He argued

I scoffed "You always target me, I barely even opened my mouth sir, besides you shouldn't talk to a student that way if you're always pushing us to respect you when you don't even return it!" I don't know why I argued, it's pointless and I knew that

"I can talk to you however I like, get out of my class!" He yelled. I sighed and packed my things before throwing my bookbag over my shoulder and walked straight out of class. I gave Mr. Robinson a glare but he wasn't even looking, I dont know what I did for him to hate me but love Matt.

I stepped out into the hallway and slumped down the wall midway to the office, I didn't want to go. Besides nobody would even notice or care. I heard the classroom swing open, I quickly stood up thinking it was Mr. Robinson. But it wasn't.

Matt came out instead, "why's he out here" I thought, I decided it was a perfect chance to finally speak to him

"Shit you scared me, I thought you were the teacher" I said as I looked at him with a slight smile

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to scare you, uhm but thank you again for helping me back there with the question." Matt said lowly in somewhat of a nervous mumble

"No worries, I could tell you looked a bit lost. So why does Mr. Robinson favor you so much out of everybody, I was just curious." I finally was ready to hear the answer, I always thought they maybe were related somehow but then again it didn't seem like it and the school would separate them anyway.

"Uh well I think it's cause I remind him of his son, I barely even know the answer to that. I find it just as weird as everybody else does, people think I'm a teachers pet because of it." He admitted as he nervously tugged as his clothes, which I noticed.

"Oh, well I should probably go to the office since Mr. Robinson's most likely going to call them and ask if I showed up, bye matt, I'll see you in class" I said

"Bye y/n, im sorry for getting you in trouble" the last half of what he said barely was audible to me with the quiet tone he used as I walked away to the office

I already have an idea of where this story is leading & I'm guessing it'll only take at most 4 parts to get there, I just feel bad stuffing one part with so much. Also if the writing & dialogue suck it's bc I rushed this SORRY 😔

THIS PART IS RLLY BORING I PROMISE THE NEXT IS SM BETTER‼️

PART 3 OUT NOW

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

What made you want to recover. I have anorexia and I don't want to recover I just want to get worse and worse until I'm sick enough. I'm in forced recovery but faking it as I just want to starve is there any reason to recover?

Hello anon, this is a difficult question to answer because for me, personally, it wasn't any one thing that made me want to recover. The truth is that when I started, I didn't understand the long-term effects of what I was doing to myself. I sort of knew about them, but the importance of being thin had been stressed to me all of my life and so I was in a self-destructive place where I was willing to make that choice again and again and risk throwing away my health for thinness. That's pretty fucked up, true, but again, I didn't understand the full extent of the damage I might be doing to myself.

I think it's also worth mentioning that I had an undiagnosed chronic illness and some trauma that I was quietly sitting on because I doubted my own perspective and my ability to access real help for these things. Because of this, I didn't have a frame of reference for mental and physical wellness, because I hadn't felt mentally or physically well for a very long time. Even now, looking back at symptoms I was experiencing, it is hard to know if I was experiencing these things due to my eating disorder or something else. I think it was all cumulative damage, to be honest. The eating disorder didn't help.

But looking back, I think I actually had an eating disorder long before I "decided" to start restricting food. I remember going through a growth spurt during puberty around age twelve and being hungry all the time, but we frequently had the kind of foods people call "junk food" in the house because that's what my parents bought. So that's what I ate a lot of, constantly, and my mother was constantly remarking on it in a negative way and trying to stop me. I have a very complicated relationship with my mother, and she raised me with a complicated relationship to food and body image. I remember doing fucked-up things like sneaking food into the bathroom with me so I could eat snacks in the shower unobserved, or hiding snacks under my bed, and just absolutely gorging on food at other times while knowing I was eating way past the point of being full and not knowing why I wanted to. So I officially decided to start restricting when I was fifteen, but the truth is that I had a fucked up relationship with food way earlier than that.

When I was nearing my seventeenth birthday, I experienced a breakdown in health due to chronic illness. I was suffering terribly. At the time I had this hippie friend who believed everything could be cured with the right diet and supplements. As I mentioned before, I was raised in a household where we didn't fully understand proper nutrition, and I had been raised eating a lot of low-nutrition meals. Because I had a stronger relationship with this friend than with my family, I bought into the mindset that if I got the right nutrients, I would be cured. And, in my mind, I had to get as many of those nutrients as possible as quickly as possible, so I immediately turned back to bingeing. But I was bingeing on a lot of high-nutrient hippie foods, so I didn't see a problem with this. I didn't understand that my relationship to the food wasn't fixed. I wasn't enjoying it, I was gorging on it, and between meals I was desperately anticipating the time I could gorge again. And because it was hippie food, I thought that this would cure me.

The thing was, after over a year of severe restriction, my GI system was wildly unprepared to handle the level of food-stuffing I was about to put it through - even though it was super-healthy hippie food. So I actually got sicker, experiencing the symptoms that come along with suddenly eating real portions after restriction. This led to me alternating between not understanding why the food wasn't working to cure me, to not understanding why I felt so addicted to eating. And this kick-started a violent binge-restrict cycle where I'd force myself to go hungry until certain times a day, at which point I'd unleash myself upon food and be unable to stop. Then I'd restrict again the next day to make up for it, get increasingly desperate for food, and you see the pattern. The binge-restrict cycle is so real.

So I was super trapped in that life and I wanted out. I knew I wanted to get out long before I actually started getting out. Because every time I binged, my immediate response was to hate myself and restrict. That was all I knew. By the time I even started to make a bit of progress on breaking that pattern, I had achieved enough real healing to understand that my restriction days had been a part of what led me down this hellish path and I didn't want to go back to that. To tell you the truth, in order to truly stay away from it - because I'll be real, I do get tempted to go back to restriction from time to time - I have to remind myself that while restricting feels like it would save me, it would only be a stepping stone back into that horrible pattern that kept me so sick and felt impossible to break. And I have to choose wanting better for myself.

Now, your story may not look like mine. So I'm not sure your motivation will end up looking like mine. But what do you need for yourself in order to want better for yourself?

You say you want to do this until you are sick enough. Can I just ask you to take a moment to ask yourself, what do you think is "sick enough?" Would you really stop when you got there, or would you just keep moving the goalpost until your body gave out? Because if you're stuck thinking "I have to do this till I'm sick enough" then believe me - you are sick enough. Your struggle counts. You don't have to wait until the damage is irreversible.

Because the thing is, when you start experiencing long-term sickness as a result - GI disorders, internal organ failure, etc - your suffering will be out of your control. Eating disorders feel like you're taking control, but you're not. And as someone who suffered with chronic illness for years, let me tell you, you don't want "sick enough." I can't tell you for sure what you do want, but allow me to take a guess. Maybe you want the validation that comes from being sick enough. Maybe you want to showcase how awful it got because you want people to care, to be concerned, to validate you. You want indisputable proof that you are well and truly fucked up, that you truly were hurt by whatever it is that hurt you.

The fact is, even some people who are sick enough to be on death's door, from some chronic illness or another, never get that validation or support. Our system is fucked up like that. But understanding that also means you don't have to wait for someone else to validate how hard you struggled and how much you've suffered. You're already sick enough. You don't have to wait for it to get worse in order to deserve better. So what do you need? What do you need in order to affirm to yourself that what you've been through is real? What do you need in order to feel you deserve to get better for real? What do you need in order to keep seeking out that desire to heal even when you're triggered as hell and struggling and forget all the breakthroughs you had once made and all you want to do is say "fuck it then, I'll self-destruct" because that's addicting in its own way?

I hope you're able to seek those answers in your treatment, anon. I hope you're able to affirm to yourself that you deserve to be more well than this, and to love yourself enough to fight for it?

[azems-familiar]

my thoughts on dawntrail

alright, now that it's been a couple days since i finished the 7.0 MSQ, and i've had time to get my thoughts in order, i wanted to write up my overall thoughts and impressions on the expansion. beneath the cut there WILL BE MAJOR SPOILERS for plot points, zones, and dungeons/trials through the whole expansion, so be warned.

so i'll start with the positives.

first of all, i obviously can't stress enough how much i love the graphics update and how beautiful everything looks now. i really appreciate several of the QoL things they added in, like dual dye channels and the adjustment to the follow missions that make it easier to see when you might fail. i loved the first 4 zones - the designs, the cultures in them, the way they were developed. i think my favorite group was the Yok Huy. the dungeons and trials are also all REALLY fun, for the most part, although a couple of the fights suck balls on caster - Vanguard's second boss is aoe hell taken to a new extreme. i did have some troubles with seeing mechanics on the final trial, but i managed it, at least.

i overall liked the rite of succession. i liked Wuk Lamat's character arc, and i liked Koana's as well, and i wasn't too bothered by how much of a back seat in the story the WoL took, although i was disappointed we didn't get many chances to bond with the Scions or Erenville and the WoL's relationship with Wuk Lamat was centered over everything else (and sorry, but Lelesu is not going to think of her as family that quickly), especially with Erenville being the expansion's narrator. it did a little bit annoy me that it mostly felt like we were there to be a camera from which to let the player watch the story, but it wasn't too egregious. i wanted more of the rivalry between the Scions that we were teased, but overall it was an enjoyable little vacation with some really beautiful worldbuilding.

that said.

to me the second half of the story felt like someone trying to emulate shb without really understanding what made shb so good, while also trying to shoehorn Wuk Lamat in as the protagonist when by all rights she should no longer have been. the WoL was given no agency despite the fact that we were dealing with another reflection and a star-wide threat; frankly, the idea that Lelesu would have sat back and been perfectly content to wait for Wuk Lamat to challenge Zoraal Ja to single combat and whatnot is kind of ridiculous, considering the harm he could cause to not only the Source but the other reflections as well. i disliked that there were hardly any mentions whatsoever of past worldbuilding - we have no opportunity to talk to Sphene about how her shard's shift towards lightning was definitely intentional and caused by Ascian manipulation, we don't get to interject that we can cure the levin sickness (something that genuinely bothered me, since that was a MASSIVE PLOT POINT in the shb patches). our accomplishments are almost never brought up at all.

moreover, this expansion was supposed to be character development for Krile. i would not have minded the WoL remaining in the background so much if during the second half of the story, Krile took the fore, especially since her parents are from this unknown shard - but as it was, we barely got anything from her at all, except a couple cutscenes in Living Memory. the Scions also weren't particularly centered - they were all present, but all the emotional moments and connections were focused on Wuk Lamat and on Sphene, even Erenville fading into the background most of the time, and the WoL is constantly made to follow Wuk Lamat around to let the players watch what she's doing instead of working with their own team of people to ascertain what's going on and put a stop to it.

(this is very much a personal thing, but i also did not like Sphene; she gave me the utter creeps the moment she showed up onscreen, which would have been great if they'd been trying to play into that, but it felt like we were genuinely meant to Like Her and personally she made me want to claw my skin off every time she opened her mouth or did an animation, lol.)

despite my interest in another reflection, all of those issues above definitely soured me on the second half of the plot quite a bit. i also really did not like Living Memory - it felt somehow directly antithetical to the themes of endwalker, while trying to copy, again, the end of shb. like the opposite of Ultima Thule, which was incredibly cathartic even though it was very heavy. Living Memory just honestly was a bit triggering to me and left me upset in a bad way, and i had to force myself through the end of the msq there. especially considering that no one living remembers these people, since they all had their minds mass-wiped constantly...it did not feel very good. though i did like that we got some focus on Erenville there, finally.

the cutscene prior to the final trial i honestly did really love though - getting to pull out the Azem crystal and do what we do best made me HAPPY, since we'd gotten so little of that this expansion. so you can imagine i felt incredibly frustrated and...cheapened when Wuk Lamat burst through the literal fourth wall to trigger the boss's phase change. also the fact that no one is bringing up dynamis when "the power of emotion" is repeatedly mentioned is ANNOYING, because come on, we just had a whole arc about this, i guarantee you it's still fresh in everyone's minds. we also didn't get called the Warrior of Light at all this expansion, which just made me kinda go :/ because that's our title, even if Hydaelyn is gone. i am very interested in why the Key has Azem's symbol on it though, and looking forward to what kind of arc this might kickstart. i also liked the final scene in which Erenville asked the WoL what drives them - the answers we were given to choose from felt like a really good indicator of the growth our characters have gone through since we were first asked why we became an adventurer to begin with.

another little thing that does irritate me is - why does no one in Tural seem to have any familiarity with the global events in the past? such as the Final Days, primals, the Echo, the concept of a Warrior of Light - Hydaelyn spoke to everyone and since the Echo is a manifestation of an ancient soul, it makes no sense that only people in Eorzea would have it. it also makes no sense that the Ascians would just completely ignore one of the major continents, especially since Emet-Selch has clearly been to Tural before. i definitely didn't expect them to recognize us, but idk, it was kinda weird that there was just no mention of this stuff.

my overall impressions is that i will probably enjoy doing sidequests and things in the new zones, and running the content, but i probably am not going to replay the story at all and i'm holding out hope for better writing in the patch quests. before anyone comes at me with "well of course the wol wasn't the protagonist we can't be saving the star all the time-" i'm perfectly fine with lower stakes, i just wish it felt more like we were relevant, especially in the latter half of the story. there's an easily-achievable happy medium, you know? same with there being a happy medium between "continuing the previous plot arcs" and "ignoring basically all past plot events and worldbuilding".

if you've read all the way down here, have a happy Lelesu for your trouble:

she looks amazing in the rdm artifact gear!

[prsk-krow]

I have a funny idea!

But first of all, I am addicted to your blog rn

Anyways to maks things quick, I would like to request a (Ena x Reader) (Mafuyu x reader) where Reader constantly gets nightmares ever since they were a child and has gotten used to it to the point that they think its normal? They'll make jokes about it and be confused why everyone is looking at them concerned. When Reader casually told the gals that they had another very gory(?) nightmare as if it's just another normal day, and then, Reader tries to guess what kind of nightmare they'll get later tonight, completely normal. (Mafuyu) (Ena) then just looks at Reader with a questioned/conerned look.

Once again, lowering the characteristic a bit to not step into crack territory! Caw.

{Mafuyu/Ena with Reader desensitized to nightmares!}

Mafuyu Asahina

Mafuyu had always been desensitized to a lot of emotion inducing experiences, like mystery horror tours or the stress before a test. It wasn't a surprise for her anymore to see the difference in her reactions to the rest of the people around her.

So she was interested to see what her friends thought about or felt about the world around them, in the form of questions. This was especially true whenever they told her about things like past events or experiences, much like your nightmares!

Whenever she asked anyone about nightmares, she remembers how uncomfortable or scared the voices of her coworkers get when telling the experiences. From their descriptions, Mafuyu can understand the fear factors in these visions, much like their reactions in the mystery tour.

So whenever you talked about your unnaturally common nightmares as if you were desensitized... Wait, were you actually desensitized like her? That wasn't what she expected out of you!

"Hm. So, it's a common thing, huh? And thanks to the common occurrences, you're used to it. I see, how... Interesting... Ah, excuse me, you're getting me thinking."

It gets Mafuyu thinking about her own state, how common occurrences got her to a worse degree of numbness than yours. It gets her to ask about your nightmares every single day, something unusual for her: Curiosity.

Listening to your tales of what your mind conjures up isn't the most fascinating of ways to spend her time, but it's progress that she wishes to make to understand her emotional situation. Perhaps, with you, she could take a step in the right direction...

Ena Shinonome

Ena's creativity can play a lot of tricks on her, especially in the form of occasional nightmares and dreams that are of the most bizarre kinds. It's no wonder then that; for one of the most easily scared members of N25; she wouldn't like the concept of nightmares at all...

Sometimes, the topic would arise in Nightcord discussions, and it would certainly make her the most uncomfortable, as the other scaredy cat in the ground didn't sleep (well) enough to get them!

It did get her to desire someone else to share her troubles about it with, so she decides to talk about it with you, hoping to find someone else to sympathize with about the ordeal! But the response that she receives is way different from what she expected...

"... Wait, e-eh? What do you mean, i-it's so bloody you can't e-explain it?? And what's with that expression!? Almost as if they didn't happen-... But then, why are your s-stories so detailed..."

She is in denial at first, as you quickly realize how you can use this reaction of hers to your advantage. Enter many days afterwards of telling her about your nightmares with every detail possible without her asking for it.

You have never seen Ena so frustrated, yet so helpless that she can't even start screaming at you or scolding you! And the rest of Nightcord pick up on it: Whenever they accompany Ena, expect her teasing coworker to ask about your latest dreamworld experience.

Soon enough, you'll run out of material and have to slow down a bit to make sure to keep it up. She finds your dedication to the bit annoying, and does plan to get even with you someday...

Interesting, I didn't expect to write so much Mafuyu... Gotta keep it in mind, caw.

[daylightaftertherain]

it's weird how learning a language out of obligation is that much harder than a language you actually have a vested interest in learning

[justcourttee]

New idea!!! Could you write a story where Mari and Tim are full-blooded siblings except Mari was taken away from the Drakes. Mari would be Dick's age in this. The Drake's finally pass away so Bruce goes to adopt Tim but he's having trouble because Marinette is doing the same. It's a custody battle. Tim is confused because he doesn't know Mari (she was taken away before she was born and CPS wasn't dealing with that family again) but Mari knows about him. Maybe Dick/Mari?

I have a feeling I took this in a different direction than you meant for it to be, but I hope you still like it :) @elements1999

Tim’s Decision

There were two things that Timothy Jackson Drake was sure of.

One, that he had never seen Dick so flustered before in his life. The poor guy was tripping over his own feet, stumbling into the court hallway as if he had been drinking all morning, his face resembling something close to the apple Bruce forced him to eat for breakfast.

And the second, well, he was sure he had never met someone as persistently, annoyingly, upbeat as Dick Grayson until seconds ago when she reached out her hand to introduce herself.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I’m sorry we have to meet under these circumstances, Timothy. This isn’t my first time reaching out, but it certainly is my first time getting through. Maybe after this, we can grab a bite to eat, get to know each other?”

Tim slightly withdrew his hand, reaching out to steady a swaying Dick. He wanted to ask him what could’ve warranted this behavior from him, but he wasn’t sure he was prepared to hear the answer.

“Miss Dupain-Cheng-”

“Please, call me Marinette! I’m not married, nor am I a middle-aged woman. I’m only 21 after all. You’re 14, right Timothy?”

“If I call you by your name, call me Tim. Timothy sounds like a rich brat.”

Marinette’s giggle earned a small smile from the boy. He had no idea who she was, but her presence was soothing and he didn’t feel any immediate danger. Besides, she wasn’t the first person to approach him in the past week. News of his parent’s death traveled very quickly and many people attempted to adopt him in hopes that his fortune would be theirs.

Bruce was quick to wave them off, offering to adopt Tim himself, but before Tim could even think about accepting, CPS contacted Bruce with the proposal from one Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

“I hadn’t realized that Bruce Wayne had caught your attention. I really want to make sure that you are able to have a regular childhood or at least some resemblance of a few normal years. If you think Bruce is a better option for you, I promise I’ll pull out right now, but if you have any doubts at all, I want to let you know that I want to fight for you, Tim.”

“I haven’t made any decisions yet and considering Bruce let me meet with you, I have to assume you’re not after my parent’s fortune.”

Marinette’s smile tightened at the mention of the fortune or was it his parents? He couldn’t tell. She was definitely holding something back, but they had just met and he wasn’t in any position to be pressuring her for some answers. What he was in the position to do was knock some sense into a now drooling Dick Grayson.

“Knock it off will you, you’re heavy and gross. You’re making a fool of the Wayne name and aren’t you supposed to be my guardian today?”

Dick muttered out something that sounded like an okay, but if Tim was honest, he wasn’t sure it was anything more than a few syllables to lower his guard.

“This is what Bruce considers a capable guardian? I’m not sure I trust him as far as I could throw him. What can it do?”

Marinette reached forward, poking Dick’s cheek, enough force to snap him out of whatever daze he had been in the past hour.

“Dick Grayson-Wayne ma’am, a pleasure to meet you.” Instantly he bowed, his hand extended as if he were waiting for something that wouldn’t come.

“Mhmm, so you are Bruce’s ward? You look like you could be his blood child. Does he have a thing for dark hair and light eyes? Creepy.”

Dick’s hand clutched his chest as if he had been struck directly in his core. Marinette turned her attention from him and back to where Tim stood.

“Anyways, I believe we mentioned lunch earlier. I’ve already submitted my application to CPS and after this formal meeting, you’re free to meet up with me whenever you would like as long as a third party comes with us. Can you think of anyone you want to come with us?”

Tim glanced to the side where he could feel Dick’s puppy eyes boring into him. He wouldn’t be his first choice but if it came down to him of Jaime, he was pretty sure he had a better chance of reigning in Dick.

“Do you mind if Dick comes with us?”

Marinette’s smile was shaken with uncertainty as if she was thinking of protesting but didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. Tim felt terrible putting her in the position but he was sure that Dick was her best chance given his options. “Of course not, where would you like to go?”

The lunch moved smoothly with Tim learning so much about her. She was originally from the Gotham foster system herself, but a young couple who couldn’t have kids adopted her at a younger age, moving her to Paris with them. She attended the equivalent of middle and high school over there where she met many lifelong friends. Starting late in her middle school years, she upstarted a fashion business where she had several big-name clients months into her start-up. Now she made personal designs, but many were taken care of by her team. She only stitched a very few commissions for close personal friends.

She was remarkable, someone who truly started from nothing. His parents did something similar as did Bruce’s. It was something he wanted for himself, something he wasn’t sure he could ever achieve with either his or Bruce’s fortune.

The custody battle was put on hold at Tim’s request. He was really intrigued by Marinette and Bruce pressuring him to take his time and really think over his choices finally led him to that decision. However, no matter how much Bruce tried to be a neutral party in the matter, Tim could feel the strain it put on their work relationship.

The more he saw Marinette, the more mess-ups occurred on patrol. Bruce would constantly tread into Tim’s area, always dropping in on his battles. It was as if he lost all trust in Tim as if he was trying to rely less on him, trying to go back to doing things on his own.

It was so frustrating. No matter how many times he told Bruce that he could still be Robin no matter who he chose, it seemed to mean nothing to him. He continually waved him off, claiming to have no idea what he was talking about.

A month after he met Marinette, Tim snuck out for the first time, begging her to meet him at a coffee shop near her hotel.

“Tim, this is dangerous. If CPS finds out we meet behind Bruce’s back, it could nullify my application.”

“I know, I know.” His head dropped to the table, buried in his arms trying to suffocate his frustration. “I just needed to get away from all of them. I think the fact that I consider you a serious option really upsets Bruce. It’s not that I don’t consider him a serious option as well, it’s just-he’s just-”

Tim let out a sigh, slowly sitting back up unsure where his thoughts were taking him.

“Tim,” Marinette reached across the table, laying her hand on his arm. “if this is too stressful for you, I can pull out of this.”

Her touch was so gentle, so soothing. It felt like the mother he never had, the kind of mother he yearned for but never realized. He really didn’t want her to leave his life just because he couldn’t give up being Robin.

“I just feel so selfish,” his vision started to blur, Marinette’s figure coming in and out of focus. “I want to keep the life I’ve made for myself here, but I also don’t feel like I can grow the way I want to under Bruce’s supervision.”

Marinette didn’t say anything for a moment, she just allowed him to cry, her thumb moving in small circles on his arm. Tim reveled in the feeling, reveled in the silence. He hadn’t had this in a while, he hadn’t had comfort for as long as he could remember. Even at his parent’s funeral, people just commented on how strong he was and how smart he was and told him he would be just fine. Not once did anyone try to hug him or ask if he was okay. They just assumed.

Everyone always just assumed.

“Tim, I haven’t been 100% honest with you since I met you. I didn’t want it to mess with your decision, but I think it’s time you knew.”

“I already know.” Tim moved his arms from her touch, his heart throbbing from the loss of touch. “I did my research on you, especially considering how Bruce let me meet you so quickly. You’ve done a lot of work to bury it, but the Will mentioned you, or at least your old name.”

Marinette’s smile was tight, her eyes as watery as his.

“Is that what’s holding you back from making the decision you want to make?”

Tim wanted to deny that he had no clear choice, but that was a lie he had been feeding himself. He wanted to stay with Bruce, in Gotham. His life was here, his friends were here, his passions were here. The only thing that wasn’t, was her.

“I want Bruce to be my official guardian. I want to be Tim Drake-Wayne.” Marinette nodded, understanding pouring from her and crashing into him. He felt like all the stress from the past month had been pushed out and replaced with relief. “But I really did want to get to know you, I didn’t want to make a decision because you would be out of my life for good. I’ve already lost you once, CPS took you didn’t they?”

“Right before mom became pregnant with you. I’m sure it happened to you too, but I was only six. They left me alone, not even a butler or maid to watch after me. They tried to argue with CPS that I was a competent child who could handle groceries and looking after myself but they didn’t buy it. My existence hadn’t even been released to the public so they didn’t take it too hard, losing me that is. But you, they immediately brought you into the limelight, almost like a challenge to CPS, I’m assuming that’s why they didn’t get involved for you no matter how many times my parent’s called and reported them.”

Tim couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled out. It seemed to have shocked Marinette too as she gave way to her own giggle threatening to spill.

“Marinette, can I ask you something selfish?”

“Of course, mon frère.” Her hand reached back across the table, gripping his tightly as if pressing him to ask the question he dreaded most.

“Will you still be apart of my life? I’m not asking you to move to Gotham, but maybe a monthly trip? A weekly dinner? Something? I just don’t want to lose you again.”

The tears that had been pooling in her eyes finally slipped free, her smile blinding.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Bruce, Marinette is coming over for game night tonight!”

“Marinette?” Dick’s head popped around the corner, the red plastered by the mere mention of her name. It sickened Tim. “But I have patrol tonight! Bruce can’t the police do their jobs for one night!”

Bruce chuckled as he set up the table, a stack of every board game imaginable piled in the middle.

“I suppose you can push it back from 11 to 5 to 2 to 5. After all, I’m not heartless.”

Tim let out an involuntary groan as he slipped into the couch, wishing it would swallow him whole.

“Whose side are you on here Bruce? She’s already your honorable daughter. Do you really need her to be part of your legal family that bad?”

“I haven’t the slightest clue what you mean.” His smirk only made Tim want to fold in on himself even more.

“Bruce, if you’re gonna set me up, can it at least be with Tim’s more attractive siblings? Like what about that Jason guy? Or Barbara Gordan?” Tim popped up in his seat, a smile beaming from ear to ear.

“Marinette’s here!” He waved her over to the seat beside him before a certain older lovebird could intervene.

“I am attractive! Why won’t you accept me Marinette?” Dick wiped away fake tears as he fell dramatically to the floor by her feet.

Tim could feel his heart overflowing for the first time in years. His life felt so fulfilled, like all of the missing pieces finally found a place. As the night continued on, only one thought stayed prominent in his mind.

He couldn’t be happier with his decision.

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[btsxmalereaders]

1:31 AM

Pairing: Im Jaebeom x male reader

Genre: angst

☆ Requested

Word Count: 2,08k

🎵 잘 지내야해 1:31 AM

[I am always drowned in the thoughts of you. I get exhausted from crying, but I look for traces of you again...]

The patter of the rain hitting the window has been the only thing that has set the gloomy place for the last couple of hours.

The catheter placed with an uncomfortable sticky tape on the back of your hand feels heavier and heavier. Your eyelids shutting even when you try to keep them open. You're tired despite only spending all the time laying on that stretcher.

Some nurses come from time to time to make sure you're comfortable and you only nod tightly to the questions they make; a routine that you don't have the energy to hate.

Of course, not all days are like this. Sometimes you wake up in a good mood and the personnel would take you out to the small garden behind the hospital, pulling your wheelchair since you're still weak, but it is still something. You would smile and take the sun on good days like those, and if a familiar visited,  they would bring you your painting tools for you to clear your head and have a good time.

But you haven't had good days, lately.

Your friends called you constantly and, when you had enough energy to respond, you tried to put your best smile for them.

You didn't see it as a bad thing, though. They didn't need to know that you were going through thick.

But there was someone you couldn't lie to.

"The receptionist told me 'You can see your fiancé now.'" Jaebeom says as he walks towards you, placing a cute bouquet of flowers on the small table next to you. He looks stunning and always walks in with the hugest smile on his face to greet you. Probably to lift up your mood, too. "Was that an insinuation?"

You can't help but giggle at that, "Maybe. But also they wouldn't let you in if I said you were only my boyfriend. And I don't want to keep this lie."

"Then I better hurry up, right?" He smiles, placing a kiss on your forehead and dragging the chair next to you, taking seat as he grabs your hand tightly. "As soon as you are discharged, I'll put a ring on your finger. I promise."

You keep the big smile to him and cup his cheek with your free hand, being careful because of the catheter. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you so much more," He murmurs. His semblance suddenly changing. "We've been really busy with the tour now that it is starting soon, I'm sorry. I wish I could see you everyday."

"It's okay, love. I understand."

A silence sets in after that. Jaebeom closes his eyes and enjoys your touch for a moment while you observe him in detail; every mole, every mark on his skin, his warm breath against your wrist and his grip on your hand, as if he would never want to let you go.

When he opens his eyes again they're full of tears. You don't even recall when was the last time you've seen him cry.

"Why are you crying? What's wrong?" You ask, sliding your thumb across his cheek to erase every trace of tears falling down.

"I'm sorry," Jaebeom softly whispers. "I hate that I can't do anything else for you."

You sigh, bringing him closer and moving a little, making a space for him to cuddle with you. "Come here. Don't cry."

He does as told, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, calming his nervousness with heavy breaths. It breaks your heart to see him like this.

Your boyfriend gets to calm himself as minutes pass by, with the help of your hand tracing circles on his back, and sweet words whispered to his ears.

You two get to talk properly afterwards, telling each other about how your days have been, although Jeobeom did most of the talk and you only listened, occasionally commenting about it and also asking about your friends.

"As usual, the boys send you greetings and hugs, but only I get to do that, right?" He chuckles, kissing your forehead for the nth time and making you blush. "They might even pop up at the videocall tonight since we'll be rehearsing."

"That's good, don't tell them I said this, but I actually miss seeing their faces and hearing their voices everyday."

Jaebeom laughs at that. "No wonder why I see Bambam sending you voice notes all the time."

A nurse comes back a moment later to let you know that the visiting hours is now over, so Jaebeom stands up and kisses you goodbye, "Don't forget that-"

"-we have a date. For dinner at half past eight. As we do almost every night. Of course I won't forget."

He smiles at you and kisses you again. "And that I love you."

"I love you too." You murmur with a smile and see him walk out of the room.

The nurse changes the serum, as usual, and you only stare at her, not knowing if you should ask...

"Is everything alright, ____?" She asks.

You've known her for a while now, it's almost as if you two were friends, but still, you were still undecided about something that has been in the back of your head for a couple of days.

"Noona, could you do something for me?"

GOT7's tour was about to kick off two weeks after that visit, although it wasn't the last one. Jaebeom did make sure to visit you whenever he could; after rehearsing or even skipping his time to have meals to rush in to the hospital -thing that you obviously scolded him for, but he promised he would get something in his way back-. He also made sure to show you clips of the rehearsals and some videos with messages from the boys for you, which you truly loved.

However, even if that lifted your spirits, it wasn't enough to make you feel better from the terrible days you've had. Not only you couldn't move and hang out as you did weeks ago, but you were feeling so weak that most of the time you would spend it sleeping. In one of Jaebeom's visit you two were talking until you fell asleep, and next thing you know he was saying goodbye again with a worried expression on his face.

And the worst thing is that you didn't have to be a genius to know the reason why. The disguised words you heard from your doctor were enough confirmation for you to know what was about to come.

And you definitely weren't ready for it.

"So? You got good news for me?" You ask the nurse once you see her entering the room.

She tilts her head and sees the hope shining in your eyes, despite looking so small and weak. "Yes. I talked with the doctors and they gave the authorization."

And that was enough for you to feel happy for the rest of the day.

"Are you sure you are okay?"

Unlike other days, today you have woken up happy and eager to go out. You suppose it is normal because you have anxiously waited for this day to come

You nod as an answer and the nurses carefully help you to get ready. 

To say you were nervous was an understatement. You weren't even sure how did the idea come to mind, but you were really determined to do it. And as you get in the van, you quickly send a message to Jinyoung to let him know that you were on your way there.

You've thoroughly planned all this; after all, it was a surprise for Jaebeom.

Of course he couldn't believe his eyes. He froze in his place while the boys almost ran to hug you; Jinyoung pushing the chair behind you and telling them to be careful, but you were too happy to even care about the bone crushing hugs you were receiving. It was all you wanted.

Jaebeom walks slowly to you and gives you a hug when they're done, letting out a sigh he didn't even know he was holding.

"Really? H-how did you even- Are you okay?" He asks, concerned, to which you laugh and nod.

"I'm good, hyungie. The doctor allowed it and I've been wanting to see you out of the hospital." You murmur, holding his hands. "And what kind of boyfriend and ahgase I'd be if I didn't attend your first concert of this new tour?"

They all seem very happy because they haven't seen you in a long time, so it's not surprising that everyone is around you all the time in backstage, asking you lots of questions and updating you on everything that happened since the last time they saw you, although no big news since you're used to chat and videocall them quite often.

While they are fascinated to have you there, Jaebeom seems to be more quiet and with a worried expression, indecipherable. You wonder if he knows or at least suspects about the reason behind it.

The concert finally starts and after more worried looks from your boyfriend, you decide to see from the first row the entire show. Even Yugyeom got you a lightstick for you to cheer them up, and Jaebeom stressed that whatever you needed you could ask anyone from the staff.

It goes pretty well, and you didn't feel uncomfortable or bad at all, but that didn't stop your boyfriend from making sure you were indeed okay every time he could; approaching the side of the stage right where you stayed and nodding in your direction from time to time, and the fans close to you were respectful and careful with your space.

Jaebeom gets somewhat sentimental while performing some songs, and when he stares back at you, you know it. He knows it.

So the first thing he does when the concert is over and gets to backstage is kneel in front of you and cry on your lap.

The boys don't understand the situation, but they leave you two alone for a moment, thinking that maybe their leader was too emotional tonight.

"What are you hiding from me? What have the doctors said?" He gets to babble while the tears are covering his face.

You're hurt from seeing him crumble like this in front of you, so you cry too, holding his hands and tracing circles on their back, trying to calm him down.

"Nothing you don't already know," You say. "You've seen me. I'm not doing well, and... I just had this feeling, I had to see you again, one last t-"

"No." He stops you. The lump on his throat making it harder to speak. "Don't say that. Please."

"Hyung, I'm sorry." You murmur, now caressing his back and placing a kiss on his head. "Please forgive me."

Before going back to the hospital, you say goodbye to your friends, who seem to now be understanding of the situation, but being too shocked to even say anything about it. They hug you more and try to lift the mood making lighthearted jokes that genuinely make you laugh.

Jaebeom doesn't want to separate from you anytime; he's either holding your hand or leaving kisses all over your face, letting you sleep on over his chest on your way back and whispering words to your ears.

"I'll come to see you again later today, alright?" He promises as you lay on the bed and get comfortable. "Sleep for now. I'll be here when you wake up."

He kisses you with so much love, not knowing it was the last time he would do it.

He didn't expect to receive that heartbreaking call that soon.

Just when he was getting ready to see you, he received the news, and he couldn't stop crying and shaking for a long moment. His friends were there, trying to calm him and themselves down; hurt by hearing they've just lost you and feeling so wrecked and weak. 

Naturally, the next shows were postponed, which raised suspicions and fear among the fans, who saw you just a few hours ago.

Jaebeom has never felt this empty and pained.

A part of him ruthlessly ripped away.

He can’t believe it,

That when he opens his eyes you won't be next to him.

Even if those memories make it hard on him,

It’s on his head again.

Even if he clears out all those memories,

He will always be drowned in the thoughts of you.

[denqis]

the bakubros walking in on their fem! s/o masturbating

warnings: should be obvious, smut, 18+

kaminari denki

- you two used to satisfy each other's libido's almost daily

- but ever since moving into the ua dorms this kinda stopped

- training kept you both busy and exhausted

- plus, sneaking into each other's rooms in the middle of the night was way too stressful in the long run

- especially since aizawa had almost caught you two in the act

- it has been two weeks since you last welcomed denki to your room

- you were so horny it was insane

- during training denki accidentally ripped his shirt and the exposed abs made your mouth water and sent a pang to your heat

- right after training you had him pinned against a wall, panting from running from your classmates

- "i need you to fuck me against this wall right now or i'll go insane."

- boy oh boy he was so overwhelmed

- usually he was the horny one initiating everything

- ngl he was pretty riled up too but

- "i'm sorry hon, but i promised kiri to train longer with him today."

- you were very very VERY horny and disappointed

- "well you might as well tell kiri to suck your dick then because i won't do it anymore."

- you just left

- this wasn't really like you but you were desperate and h o r n y

- that night you had an amazing bath and finally felt at ease

- you laid down on your bed, only in your bathrobe and rubbed your freshly shaven, soft legs together, sighing

- your left hand found your left boob and you instantly melted into your touch

- another sigh fell from your lips

- the fingers of your right hand ghosted over your clit

- as soon as you felt just how wet you actually were you inserted one finger into your core

- your back arched and denki's name escaped your lips

- two weeks without sex was way too long

- another finger followed and soon you were a sweaty, shaking mess, moaning denki's name over and over again

- you felt the familiar knot in your stomach and felt tingles slowly starting to spread

- just when your orgasm was about to crash down on you, you noticed another presence

- there he stood, your boyfriend

- "honey?!"

- holy shit he was embarrassed but also so turned on

- he initially came to you to apologize but he heard your moans from the hallway

- at first he was scared that you might've hooked up with someone else

- but when he heard you moan his name he just felt bad for not satisfying you

- "mind if i help you out?"

- you stood up and walked towards him, your juices slowly running down your legs

- "not at all."

- you grabbed his hand and laid it flush against your heat

- "go on, chargebolt, make me cum all over your fingers."

- you were so close it only took a feverish kiss and a few plunges of his long digits in your core for you to finally cum

- your orgasm was so intense you almost fell back as his name and a few curses spilled from your lips

- "fuck you're so hot."

- the two week wait was worth it

- he devoured you that night

- he'll definitely ask you to masturbate in front of him a lot from that point on

kirishima eijirou

- "eiji babe, truth or dare?"

- "dare, of course!"

- "i want you to make out with bakugou for two minutes."

- the room fell silent

- you, kirishima's own girlfriend wanted him to kiss his best friend, in front of everyone?!

- looking back at it you probably should've at least warned your boyfriend about your desire to see him with his best friend

- they didn't end up making out and you were so embarrassed that you stormed out of kiri's room where you had planned to stay the night

- the next morning he confronted you and tried to understand your point of view

- a few days after you went to the pool with the bakubros and kiribaku somehow ended up on top of each other

- gosh you were turned on to the m a x

- their godlike, wet bodies in such a compromising position made you wetter than the water in the damn pool

- you swifly excused yourself and fled to your room where you quickly stripped down and rinsed off

- your mind was full of them

- you loved kirishima, a lot

- he was so fucking sweet and hot at the same time

- the sex was great too but bakugo just amplified all his great traits

- your moans flooded the whole dorm, thank god everyone was still at their respective outings

- "what the fuck y/n?!"

- kirishima stood right in front of your bed, judging by his huge bulge for a long enough time

- "if you want me, just tell me. or do you only want me and bakugo now? am i not manly enough for you?"

- he crawled towards you and you shivered

- his eyes were so dark, if from lust or anger or both you couldn't tell

- "i'll make sure you know who's the manliest guy here."

- he fingered you for hours, overstimulating you severely

- "tell me, who's making you feel this good?! me or bakugo?"

- "you! it's you! eiji, you're fingering me so well, fuck!"

- you never dared to even look in bakugou's direction after that incident

- you didn't need to masturbate anymore, kirishima kept you nice and filled at all times

- because having your girlfriend masturbate eveb though you're dating her just wasn't a sign of manliness

- it was your birthday and he led you to his room, blindfolded

- "happy birthday."

- you lifted your blindfold and there they sat

- both naked and hard

- it had taken kirishima months to convince bakugou

- this was the only and last time you were allowed to masturbate

- "don't even think about this happening again sweetheart."

- you didn't need it to

- you realized that kiri was the man of your dreams

- your sex life only improved further after your birthday

sero hanta

- you had been crushing on hanta for the longest time

- specifically ever since the usj attack

- kurogiri had obviously taken a liking to you

- you were one of the main reasons tenya could escape as you distracted him with your ass(ets)

- but as soon as tenya had fled, hanta pulled you back with his tape, your back hitting his broad chest

- "if you ever look at her again i'll make sure you'll regret it you disgusting pig!"

- ngl his heart was racing at having you so close to him, ass against his crotch

- while he was praying to not get hard right then right there, you were shaking in his arms, flushed a deep red

- both of you remained like that until mina raised an eyebrow and sent a smirk in your direction

- how she was still able to think something inappropriate in a situation like this was beyond you

- "thank you so much, sero. i really appreciate it. no one's ever defended me like this. now let's kick some ass."

- if he wasn't attrackted to you before this, he definitely is now

- this night you constantly replayed the happenings

- every time his words replayed you threw a pillow across the room squealing

- shit, you couldn't be whipped for a classmate this early on

- you were here to become a hero, not to find love or get distracted by boys

- little did you know that the boys had a meeting in hanta's room gossiping about you

- kirishima was so jealous of how manly sero was

- mineta wanted to know how your ass felt

- oh and he bragged, the boy was enjoying his five minutes of fame

- truth be told he never was popular with girls so he's just so proud he could impress you

- a few months later and your crush grew along with your desire to have him use his tape for something else than hero work

- "y/n you like sero, right?"

- mina is so smart how did she know?!

- you were so flustered and didn't know what to do or say

- "m-maybe?"

- mina's plan was working perfectly, hanta would come out of the shower in a few more seconds

- she knew he only ever snuck out the shower with a towel around his waist

- his room was right across from the showers, it was convenient

- what she didn't plan, though, was a completely naked, semi-erect hanta to show up

- while she quickly ran for her life you were frozen

- "u-uhm..."

- your pussy clenched around nothing, heart beating out of your chest

- his eyes scanned you while your eyes were glued to his abdomen

- who knew he had extremely prominent abdominal v-muscles and a happy trail

- you were done for

- that night you didn't get any sleep, sero's figure keeping you up

- you had masturbated to him before but this night was so intense

- "has anyone seen y/n?"

- sero had planned to confess to you today, but you skipped school??

- no one knew why and he was worried, what if you were sick?

- he went back to the dorms and knocked, once, twice to no avail

- when he heard a stifled moan he decided to let himself in, you sounded distraught

- but what he saw was you on all fours, fingers pumping in and out of your aching, dripping core

- you didn't hear him knocking because of your airpods and your insane focus on the picture of sero on your phone

- "instead of masturbating to me you could simply fuck me, you know?"

- you screamed so LOUD

- "oh, baby, don't scream already, you'll scream enough when i'm done with you. you want me so bad that you're skipping school? i'm honored."

- you didn't know what to do, but seeing him strip out of his uniform and crawl onto your bed

- pressing your upper body down into the mattress and eating you out as if he had been starving for years

- did something to you and when he sat you up and confessed you could only kiss him

- he'll never let you live this down and every bakubro pretty much knows about it because he always tells the same stories when drunk

bakugou katsuki

- katsuki had told you once that you're forbidden from masturbatring when dating him

- you had obeyed his rules and especially this one for almost two years now

- needless to say the busy schedule of your boyfriend had kept you two separated

- sex life? absent.

- you couldn't take this anymore, plus you really wanted to be a brat today

- you knew when he'd return to the dorms and knowing him he'll head right to bed after

- so you settled on his bed, pulling out a vibrator and slowly starting to guide it all over your body

- you were wearing your cutest set of lingerie

- which was usually reserved for very special occasions but if you wanted to be a brat you had to go all out

- everything around you smelled like him it was heavenly

- before the vibrator even reached your core you were dripping

- if it was his scent, your libido or the adrenaline on purposely breaking the rules responsible you couldn't pinpoint

- the vibrator reached your clit and you almost squealed in pleasure

- it had been so long since anyone had touched you

- you bit down on his shirt he wears to sleep, drowning in pleasure and his scent

- "katsuki, katsuki, katsuki."

- his name was falling from your lips like a mantra as you ground yourself against the toy and your fingers

- "well, well, well. who do we have here?"

- his face was unreadable

- "breaking the rules princess? and i really wanted to fuck you today..."

- "you can still fuck me.. please katsuki, i'm so horny."

- he smirked and leaned down

- "brats don't get what they ask for, now continue. put on a good show for daddy."

- he didn't touch you once that night, only palming his cock and instructing you

- when you came a third time and collapsed he sighed

- "too bad i was really enjoying the show. you were impatient and broke the rules. you can't even be a good slut, i think we have to teach you a lesson, no?"

- the next morning you shakily walked into the classroom

- bakugou's shit eating, cocky grin following you

- when you sat down you almost let out a breathy moan

- your vibrator was tugged neatly into your panties and was set on the highest setting

- you were so embarrassed and on edge the whole time and when aizawa called on you

- you stood up, the change in position making you cum, hard

- your head fell back, your whole body shaking and face red

- "y/n, can you answer my question?"

- you could barely form a sentence when your knees gave in, trembling from your second orgasm crashing over you

- "i'll take her to the nurse."

- you thought katsuki would have mercy on you and remove the vibrator

- but instead he pushed you into a bathroom stall and fucked you senseless

- by the end of it you were on the bathroom floor, uniform stained with his cum and unable to walk on your own

- "learned your lesson?"

[bangtancentricsblog]

❀ through the centuries

↳ this was part of an ask game that the lovely Mo @suhdays was nice enough to play with me so as a repayment I wrote this 💕

❒ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

❒ genre: fluff, a sprinkle of angst

❒ alternative universe: werewolf, mythical, strangers to lovers, soulmate haha…

❒ rating: NC 17

❒ word count: 1.5k +

warnings/disclosures: my size kink kinda jumped out a little bit but not that bad, sheriff Jungkook, cameos from Jaehyun of NCT, Yugyeom of GOT7, Jungkook had a fwb, werewolf jungkook, demi-god mc, magic, some made up story of the how soul mates came to be, jungkook bites MC but like playfully, unedited as always!!

“I literally can’t stand you.” you laugh, smiling up at Jungkook as he offers you a mug. It’s been a little over half a year since you’ve met and though for the most part he is insufferable there is something oddly endearing about him.

“I’m aware.” He says the glimmer to his eyes heats your cheeks so much that you have to turn away. You’re tucked into the corner of his breakfast nook in some of the comfiest sweats you have ever worn, the sun filters through the windows and you bask in its warmth. This home is nothing like your own, it's warmer, more inviting, cozy even, just like Jungkook. He didn't question your appearance at his doorstep all that time ago, had only smiled warmly stepping aside to let you in.

“I have to get to work soon, but you should be fine on your own ‘til I come back for lunch.” He’s humming as he sips from his mug, a cute little song that you now recognize as something that comes from his pack.

“Do you miss your pack?” you murmur, the words are out too quick, slipping past your lips before you can stop them.

“Sometimes, mostly the sense of belonging and my brothers of course.” he answers with a sad smile. Your heart aches for him, a strange sensation in itself since your family holds little warmth, their sense of duty to your goddess always came first. There were no soothing words or warm smiles at any point in your life. Not that you had noticed, it wasn't normal for families to be affectionate, they only taught you what was needed to serve the goddess and keep the bloodline pure.

“I wonder what that’s like.” you sigh taking a sip from your mug, and Jungkook doesn't miss your happy little wiggle as the taste of hot chocolate washes over your tongue. He shoots you one last smile, filling his travel mug, rounding the corner of his kitchen island and running his fingers through your hair.

“I’ll see at lunch, don't get into any trouble while I’m gone.” There’s a tingle in your fingertips, one that settles your racing thoughts and washes over you like a cool rain. You feel so small when you’re with Jungkook, a strange feeling when you yourself are what you’d like to think is normal sized. But Jungkook is big everywhere, just the thought of having seen him so indecently heats your skin once more. It was improper and you prayed the goddess forgave you for your transgressions before marriage. You’re suddenly reminded of just how early it is as the silence settles around you with Jungkook’s absence. Something that makes you more uncomfortable than you’re willing to admit.

The sigh you let out is heavy, breaking the silence if only for a moment, it helps to settle the energy that is abuz in your being. A feeling you are growing more and more accustomed to as the days pass. You suppose you should get started on your daily routine since you are already up and more than awake. After all, the goddess shines down on those who are hardworking.

**

“So are you gonna tell us about your girlfriend?” Yugyeom starts shooting a smirk at Jaehyun who scowls in return.

“That’s literally none of your business.” Jungkook laughs as he types his report.

“No, I really think it is. Some smoking hot girl shows up at your house and you just let her live with you? There’s got to be some story to that.” he says throwing his hands up.

“There isn't, she's a family friend.”

“Wait till Yuna catches wind of this.” Yuyeom laughs before shuffling over to his desk at the back of the station. Jungkook stops typing, gaze moving to Yuna who sits at the reception desk up front. He’s never had anything with her, not really, a hook up here and there but nothing serious at least he hadn't thought so at first. Though if he really thinks about it, like really thinks maybe she had thought something of it? She did leave her clothes at his, and she was constantly sleeping over when they did spend the night together. Hell he’d even taken her to get pancakes at the local diner from time to time but that wasn't enough to make her believe they were an item was it?

“Don’t think about it too hard Kook, Yuna won't think too much about it so you shouldn't either.” Jaehyun says a smile tilting his lips upwards.

“Thanks, I hope you’re right.” he breathes offering a tight lipped smile and going back to his report.

*

Unfortunately Jaehyun is wrong, so very wrong. Yuna had managed to corner Jungkook on his way out of the sheriff station at their lunch break, her arms easily wrapping around his neck as she pressed heated kisses to any skin available to her. He’s not quite sure where to put his hands, as he holds them up and away from her, and it doesn't go unnoticed. She’s quick to peak at him from under her lashes, gaze fogged up with what he assumes would've been enough for him once, but all he can think about right now is the invisible tether that pulls him home, pulls him to you.

“What’s wrong baby?” she asks somewhat breathlessly as she manages to pull herself away from him.

“Yuna listen, we aren’t - well y’know we aren't a couple right?” He feels like he breathes again when her scent no longer drowns his senses, it’s not unpleasant by any means just very pungent. Something that churns his stomach, he rubs at his neck a bit as nerves take over his being, his wolf growing restless before he catches it. The light woody scent that clings to his wrist, one that settles the impatient animal that was roused from it’s slumber the moment she’d pressed herself to his form. His chest rumbles softly almost like a purr one that Yuna doesn’t catch with her human hearing.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, just that we weren’t exclusive or anything and this is just a me thing not a you thing.” he says somewhat awkwardly, he takes in her form watching the emotions play out on her face before she deflates.

“Oh,” she starts after a brief silence “yeah, I knew that.” she sniffles, quickly turning away and leaving. He feels terrible, after all he isn’t trying to be a dick but his wolf is whining at him to get home already, to you.

“Shit, it’s gonna be awkward when i get back.” he sighs running a hand through his hair.

**

You hear Jungkook before you see him, the sound of his footfalls is light but not as light as he thinks. The sun is peeking out at you from behind a cloud, and you thank the goddess for the oncoming rain, not that anyone would believe you if you said to expect rain. Heat blankets your back as Jungkook cages you against the counter, resting his head against your shoulder. He spends some time breathing you in, relishing in your scent and that other thing that he has yet to name but has his wolf presenting his belly.

“I’m so tired.” he sighs, wrapping his arms around you. You perk up craning your neck to catch a glimpse of him when you feel the familiar press of teeth through the fabric of your shirt.

“Are you okay?” you ask, placing your hands atop his where they rest on your stomach.

“Yeah, just tired. Yugyeom asked about you again.”

“Hmm, I should meet him soon. Take an umbrella when you leave, there's rain coming.” you laugh as he nuzzles your neck, the stress from earlier in the day melts away, Jungkook can almost feel the way it leaves his body as he begins to rock you gently. It’s as you two eat lunch together that he finally understands what this unfamiliar feeling is called.

He’s rinsing the dishes, hearing you hum the song from his pack that he recalls a story told to him when he was a pup. A fantastical tale of a goddess whose lover was taken from her, hidden by others who were jealous of their love and cursed to roam the earth as half god half beast. It was only when the moon was full did she find her lover, and thus had created what was once called a mate. A being that was the literal embodiment of the purity of their love but overtime had faded out as the bloodlines continued. He recalls his mother telling him that he and his brothers were the last of his pack that still held the blood of the goddess’ lover though somewhat muddied still carried something that pure. She had claimed they were destined for greatness just as the old goddess and her lover as their ancestors. That one day they would find their mate and they would know.

“Jungkook, are you listening?” you ask, tone soft as you grin up at him. Something in his being shift, he can almost hear it click into place. The air feels electric, your shine so bright almost like the golden light from a full moon, it’s here that he knows he’s found you. His goddess, his mate.

[persephonescat]

Birds and Other Supernatural Phenomenons

Chapter 3!!!!!!! Wow. 

Ch. 1      Previous    Next    Masterpost    AO3

________________

Ch. 3: I Came Here to Have a Good Time...

The problem with making friends with a villain past midnight and getting into an hours-long debate on psychology with them? 

Well, you know the thing when you lay unconscious in your bed in order to function? It kinda gets left out.

Marinette drank two cups of coffee in the morning - she didn't even like coffee -, and she still wanted to kill everyone she laid her eyes on and then herself. (Guess who spent their practically non-existent free time reading memes?)

It was too early to check on Luka and Kagami, plus they made her promise she would at least try to have a good time, and Kaalki had absolutely no interest in taking her to Paris if there wasn't a clear threat. Normally, she wouldn't have thought about going on a school trip at all. For two years, she managed to "get sick" every time there was an outing on the horizon, and she took no pleasure in going to a different continent for two months, while Paris' population was completely vulnerable to a terrorist. 

However, Gotham might've had been even more dangerous than Paris, and she couldn't let her classmates go without protection either. Not to mention how the whole trip was... kind of her fault.

In her protection, last year, when Mrs. Bustier presented the class with the opportunity, she didn't think they had any chance. So when the woman said she was going to speak to her colleagues in her favor if Marinette filled out the application and convinced the class to reach the requirements, the girl didn't think twice. They shot a cool campaign-video, got recommendations from Jagged Stone, Cheng Shifu, Nadja Chamack, Penny Rolling, Gabriel Agreste, Audrey Bourgeois, the major, the principal and even the Kitty Section for good measure, then she wrote a five pages long essay about the ways they could spend the vacation and the money that came with it. Now that Marinette was thinking about it, they might've overshot the mark a little.

Thanks to Mrs. Bustier, this way she could at least maintain her grades a bit, which came handy after the late-night patrols she was still getting used to at the time.

Giving the Miraculouses to Luka and Kagami after swearing never to use them again was hard, but necessary. As Ladybug, she fed them a story about having to go to the east for a Miraculous-mission two weeks before Marinette actually left, so she could see them in action - Hawkmoth was getting sloppy; he only sent out one akuma during that time period, and it was a pretty weak one too -, and so it wasn't that easy to connect the dots, 'cause... Ladybug and your friend, who magical camouflage or not, look pretty much alike, leave and come back at the same time. You have three guesses.

She made them promise to call her if there was any damage she had to "Cure" or if an akuma was too difficult for them to handle, and she hoped that at least Kagami, being the more responsible one, would keep that promise.

Alya's voice, still hoarse from waking up, pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Mornin'." She stopped to yawn and tried to smooth her red tornado of a hair out. "Where did you get coffee?" 

Marinette pointed at the pot on the counter. Alya shuffled towards it with closed eyes, muttering "coffee" under her breath over and over again, her hip hitting every chair on the way there. She might've cursed a few times, but it came out so tangled, Marinette wasn't sure.

Then came Nino storming down the stairs, probably waking the entire city with his steps, humming Jagged Stones' Jeudi soir. He put a hand on Alya's back, lead her to a chair, then poured her a cup of coffee and smiled at Marinette while mixing two spoons of sugar into it. She smiled back fondly. 

She wasn't sure when she and Alya stopped being best friends. Things just... changed. Marinette started growing out her hair, wearing it in a braid instead of piggy tails. Alya's usual shirts were swapped to fandom T-shirts and crop tops. Marinette's clothes got more red and black, Alya started running another website beside Ladyblog, about her everyday life and various topics from movie-critiques to the art of journalism. Marinette ran out of pink lipstick and purchased a cherry one instead. Alya went to a festival with Nino and it was the best week of her life. Marinette's crush on Adrien disappeared, while Alya's relationship with Nino got more and more serious. 

It was slow and painful at first, but she didn't realize how much changed over a few months until one day she reached for her phone to call her friend and tell her something about a commission she got, then it hit her: they were not like that anymore.

It was comforting, on some level, that she no longer had that responsibility. Or that's what she told herself.

When the rest of her class arrived, she stood up and left the cafeteria. 

***

In the morning, they went sightseeing. Not as if Gotham had a lot of sights, they might've been the only people stupid enough to go there for fun.

No, it was more like two hours of "don't go here", "don't go there",  and "please, don't go there either" as they were shown around the city by a young lady whose posture was radiating stress all the time. Marinette could understand why. Their last stop was the Wayne Tower, where they were told to pair up with each other and discover the shops, cafés, and restaurants around the square.

She locked eyes with Adrien and mouthed "cover for me". The boy nodded, then Marinette quickly turned around the corner and walked around the square a few times before finding a sympathetic café, only one street away from the tower (technically, it wasn't on the square, but close enough).

She took a seat and ordered her third cup of coffee that day (she was healthy like that), before pulling out her phone and researching Wayne Enterprises. She checked it out back home of course, but there was a lot more material there than she had time for

She was reading yet another biography on Bruce Wayne and pretending her tired eyes weren't constantly tearing up and stinging from the screen when she heard it.

"I can't believe it. Have you read this?" an old man asked his wife sitting at the table next to Marinette's.

"Please, Robert, you can't throw a tantrum every time someone gets killed in this city," the women answered flatly.

The man turned a few pages in his newspaper then pushed it under her wife's nose.

"Not just someone, Martha! A girl! A young girl! She was barely older than Katie!" That seemed to pique the woman's interest.

"A girl, ya' say?" she murmured, pulling out her glasses. "Who did it?"

"You'd think they know, right? I mean, they have a list of all the psychopaths rummaging the streets, it can't be that hard to figure out, but no-," the wife shushed him just by raising a finger.

She took a few seconds to read the article before speaking up again.

"This says it was near Crime Alley. No girl goes near that just by accident."

"She was stabbed twelve times in broad daylight! She wasn't that near Crime Alley, look-," he turned the newspaper, searching the lines then he pointed at something, "-she was found on St. Anthony Street! That's five streets over!"

The woman hummed.

"What did ya' say, how old was she?"

"Sixteen. Katie might've seen her a few times, they went to the same school."

A waitress came and interrupted them, giving them their check. Marinette, who was pretending to drink her coffee peacefully all along now turned to them just as the man opened his wallet.

"Excuse Moi? May I ask what time it is?" She asked with a thick French accent. 

The man stopped halfway in paying the waitress and glanced at his watch, giving Marinette enough time to study the wallet in his hand. It was small and black leather, probably a gift. There was a picture too, just as she expected. It showed a girl around thirteen with blond hair and bangs, smiling in her school uniform. "Katie", if she had any luck. 

"Half-past two," the man told her helpfully.

The girl thanked him with a smile, paid for her coffees, then left the shop. 

She walked around the block to get out of the old couple's sight before visiting the Gotham Gazelle's official website on her phone. The dead girl's name was Joanne, but her surname wasn't published and there was no photo of her. She was found the day before yesterday, with twelve identical knife-wounds on her body. The police said they were looking for the culprit, but they clearly didn't have much to go on, given their lack of suspects.

Marinette took out her sketchbook and started scribbling down some notes.

Joanne

16 yrs old

Lives in Gotham

Student

She paused. The uniform on Katie's picture was blue with a red tie. Gotham didn't have many schools, but they all had different uniforms. Blue and red meant Gotham Academy.

Student in Gotham Academy

A quick Facebook search later she had the girl's last name and profile picture. Bless the modern age.

If she had to be in Gotham, she might as well not die in boredom, right?

St. Anthony Street was a little over thirty minutes from the Wayne Tower. She had time.

________________

As always, coffee is my nectar and comments are my ambrosia, so penny for your thoughts!

Ch. 1      Previous     Next    Masterpost    AO3

Tag list:

@northernbluetongue

@vgirl-10123

[i-will-be-forever-yours]

Cuts Run Deep

A/N: This one is pretty close to my heart. I have struggled with cutting and anxiety and depression for a while now. Some days it get’s to be too much, and that’s okay. However, I want to tell any of you who are struggling with depression or anxiety, you are not alone. Don't discredit yourself, for you are SO special. If you ever need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate. I won’t judge you at all bc the truth is that this needs to be talked about more. We, as a society, need to normalize the need for help in the battle of mental illnesses. I’m here for you, as a person who has struggled themselves. It may seem like you are drowning, but there is a way out of this. I love you all. Thanks for reading.

Warnings: Couple curse words, talk of cutting and self harm and suicide. PLEASE don't read if this makes you uncomfortable. (TRIGGER WARNING)

Summary: Shawn and Y/n are so in love, but words can hurt and cuts run deep. Can Shawn bring her back and show how much he loves her???

Word Count: 2.5k

my masterlist

posted 4-4-20

not my gif

Shawn was in the studio this morning so Y/n thought she’d clean the house a bit. She had just gotten back from an overseas trip and was at home resting from all the lights and cameras. She was used to the photos being taken of her and the articles being written about her since she already had a name for herself in Hollywood, being an up and coming actress. That’s not to say that some of the articles about her didn’t sting, but she never thought she’d be so spitefully talked about when she started dating Shawn. The media truly had a field day at her expense, but she never told Shawn how she truly felt, wanting to spare his feelings because she knew how hurt he’d be if he found out what people were saying about her. Of course, he knew about the articles and tabloids, but he didn’t know of the snide comments she got from her coworkers or fans as she walked down the street. He didn’t understand how hurt she was, and she wanted to keep it that way. She couldn’t bear to unload her baggage on him, when he had so much he dealt with on a daily basis.

They met just under two years ago. It was pretty cliche, but to them it was truly was love at first sight. Rain was pouring down on the streets outside as Y/n ran to a small coffee shop to try and avoid the brewing storm. However, just as she was reaching for the door handle, she made contact with another hand. Pulling her hand back in surprise she looked up at this man. He had the warmest smile and the most beautiful eyes.

“I- uh,” she coughed, trying to clear her throat before continuing, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there.”

Eyes shining bright, he said,chucking, “Well that makes two of us.” Holding the door open for her he followed her in. Once inside the safety of the cafe he introduced himself saying, “Hi, I’m Shawn,” while stretching out his hand to shake.

Looking at his outstretched hand and then back into his brown eyes she replied, “I know who you are. I’m a big fan of your music.” Slightly embarrassed, she took his hand and gave it a light shake before continuing. “My name is Y/n. Uh- Y/n Y/L/n.”

“No way! As in Y/n L/n the actress? I’ve seen a couple of your movies. You are so talented, especially in that murder thriller,” he gushed with flushed cheeks and a big smile adorning his face.

After ordering they sat down together and talked for over an hour, but it felt like a couple of seconds. Time flew by and next thing they knew they were exchanging numbers with the promise to meet up again. Now, almost two years later, they are living together and Shawn plans on proposing to her on their second anniversary. He has it all thought out, they are going to a romantic picnic and then going back to the coffee shop where they met. It will be there where he’ll drop to one knee and ask the question that’s been plaguing his thoughts for the past weeks.

However he is currently at the studio, as he’s been extremely busy finishing writing a song for her. It’s taken a toll on his stress, but he knows it’ll be worth it. He is really proud of the turnout and is ready to call it a day, after he finishes the last couple chords, to finally go cuddle with Y/n back home.

- At their shared home -

Y/n was content with the amount of cleaning she had done and decided to kick back and relax. She threw on one of Shawn’s shirts and sat in front of their large flatscreen in the living room. Lost in her thoughts after catching sight of the photo next to the tv. It was a picture of the two of them, looking at each other. They were completely smitten, and everyone knew it. Sure they had their disagreements, but so does every couple. Their love for each other was strong enough to know that they would always be there for each other. Even after the worst fights, in the end, they knew they’d be alright.

She was brought back when her twitter app notified her name being tagged in a tweet that was getting a lot of feedback. Opening up her phone she saw a hashtag trending that stated “#Mendes dump L/n”. She usually ignores things like this that pops up on her feed, but something prompts her to open it, and she later wishes she hadn’t.

It was just another thing that belittled Y/n and made her feel more insecure. It’s not the actual tweet which bothered her, but it was the comments from all the fans. So many people were jumping in and saying how ugly she was, or how she doesn’t deserve Shawn. She always grew up feeling like that. Never knowing if people were using her or whether people truly liked her or not. Since a very young age, she struggled with anxiety and inner demons. Her parents thought she made it up and constantly ignored her begging for medication to help her not feel like that anymore. She wanted something to calm her racing heart and needed relief from the anxiety that coursed through her veins, but no one heard her pleas. They fell to deaf ears. It got worse in high school when she started isolating herself. She would put up a mask to hide the depression and anxiety. It felt like no one saw who she truly was, but people liked the person she was with the mask. That mask started to become who she was.

It got so bad that she would cut herself. As the tears streamed down her face, she brought the razor to her wrist and would cut line after line into her soft flesh. She watched as the blood pooled out and felt a sense of calm, and now again she thought about it. She thought about the distraction and almost relief she felt from the pain that cutting brought. It felt like her problems left as the blood pooled out with the dark red. She wanted that relief again.

Getting up from the couch and going into the bathroom where she kept a razor, while in the back of her mind she told herself she was foolish for believing the lies that the people spewed, she held it with trembling hands. Then she remembered Shawn. The handsome man she’d fallen for, with a broad smile and the most generous heart. Then, remembering how he’d been spending more and more time at the studio. Maybe they were right and perhaps he needed someone more stable and beautiful by his side. Someone who could be confident with themselves, despite the dirt and shit people threw at her. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. So used to the emptiness, it felt like second nature to be in this position. It didn’t stop her from questioning her decision, but she knew she wanted the best for Shawn. Maybe, just maybe if she killed herself Shawn could find someone who made him happy, she thought.

Stripping out of her clothes and stepping into the shower with the razor in her hand, she let her tears mix with the pounding water. The water was burning her skin, but she didn’t even feel as it left her skin raw and burning. All Y/n felt at that moment was the emotional toll that years of scrutiny had left her. Her mind was cloudy and dazed and she held the sharp point to her wrist. Applying a little pressure, she winced when she dragged it across her skin. Blood almost immediately started to run out of the cut. Years of cutting left her with the knowledge of how deep to cut without leaving scars. Not starting off too deep was her plan, because she knew she had to build up to it. She cut again and again and watched as the blood escaped her tiny cuts. The cuts were light but her wounds ran deep. The pain was not external but was a raging storm within. It clouded her judgment and thoughts, to the point where she couldn’t feel anything but pain.

Her physical pain didn’t even phase her. She could only focus on the blood as it mixed with the water on the shower tile on the floor. Ragged, short breaths left her as Y/n thought about all the comments from the media and people. Falling back against the shower wall she clutched her wrist to her chest. She wanted it to end, the assault of the hateful words trashing in her head like a raging beast. Her thoughts were so overwhelming in her head that she didn’t hear Shawn calling her name.

- Shawn’s side-

Walking in the door, Shawn tosses his keys into the bowl by the entryway. Looking around he breathes out a deep sigh, letting out his stress. He was ready for this, ready to take the next step with the love of his life. So, as he made his way further into their shared home he wasn't even fazed when he heard the shower running. It brings about a sense of domesticity for him. However, his brows knit together when he hears cries coming from inside the bathroom. Calling out Y/n’s name with no response causes his heart rate to start picking up. Rushing in, he flings the door of the ensuite bathroom open and sees a sight that makes his heart break. There was Y/n, the love of his life, was sitting with her head down and her hands clutched to her chest. Moving closer, his heart pounds and his vision begins to spin at the sight red dripping down her left forearm.

Pulling open the shower door he stands dumbfounded as Y/n quickly looks up at him, with bloodshot eyes and a broken expression on her face. It wasn’t even her appearance that made his heart come to a crashing stop. No, it isn’t how her breath hitches in her throat or even the way she sits there on the floor of the shower looking up at him. It is what he sees in her hand, what he sees running down her arms. In those couple seconds, he realizes he needs to help her. So, grabbing the hand towel on the hook, he wraps it around her damaged wrists, careful to not cause too much pain in his attempt to catch the rapidly decreasing blood flow. Silence overtakes them as he dresses and tends to her arm. It’s a couple minutes before Shawn has the courage to speak up.

“I- uh, Love… Why did you do this?” he questions in a weak voice, once safely of the shower.

She doesn’t say anything, but instead falls into his body and cries. Wrapping another towel around her soaked frame, he wraps his arms around her to bring her closer. No words are spoken as he guides them to the bedroom and he holds her in his strong arms against his chest.

Y/n had her head against his chest, and something about the steady beat of his heart calms her. Just him being there calms the storm that rages war in her head. Her breathing has slowed and she feels better. Shawn looks down and sees she is now more relaxed. No longer are there tears or fear, but it has since been replaced with a look of emptiness.

With much trepidation, he speaks up saying, “Honey, tell me why. What made you do this? You know I love you so much. I-if I found y-you dead… I don’t know what I would do. You are the best thing to happen to me Y/n Y/l/n. Don’t forget that.”

Y/n looks at him, hearing the vulnerability in his voice. She nods into his chest and takes a few calming breaths before replying, “I just read a- some tweets that- um- that said you should break up with me. And I know it’s stupid and I shouldn’t read things like that. But something about it reminded me of what I’ve been told my whole life. I don’t know, I guess I started to believe them. I mean with you at the studio a lot lately.” She started to ramble, “and that’s fine! I am not trying to be clingy. I was just thinking maybe there is a better person-”

“Stop. No, don’t say that love. You are the only right person for me. I knew that when I met you in the coffee shop that day. I’ve loved you since then. Okay? Don’t listen to their lies. If they cannot see that you are so loved, then that’s on them. You are so amazing and beautiful, and I love you so much. There is no one that I would rather be with. Okay- uh so, I had a whole big plan for this but I cannot wait any longer. I need you to understand how much I love you.” he stated before getting up and moving to their shared closet. She hears him rummaging around before she sees him coming out again.

“Y/n Y/l/n, you are so special to me. Your smile brightens my day and leads me back home in the craziest storms. There’s not a moment when you aren’t on my mind, and I want to marry you-”

“Shawn what-” she gasped in shock, quickly sitting up and moving to the edge of the bed, with the towel still wrapped around her soaked frame.

Bending on one knee, he grabs her left hand, conscientious of the bandaging, and in a voice thick with emotion he asks, “Y/n Y/l/n, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

“I- I, yes! I love you,” she cries. However, her tears are for a completely different reason. He stands up and places the ring on her finger and kisses her. The kiss is slow and deep. It’s not like any other kiss they’ve shared, not after coming home from a party turned on, or even the first kiss they shared. No, this kiss is so symbolic, and emotional, and it’s not until they break for air do they come back from that bliss.

Once again laying upon the bed, with Y/n in Shaw's arms he whispers, “Who’d've thought that we’d get engaged with you only in a towel and in our bedroom?” He has a cheeky grin on his face, and she knows what he is implying. She chuckled with him before he continued, “We are going to have proper engagement. You need to act surprised too. All our family will be there and want to see your reaction. For now, how about I take care of that towel. We have a lot to celebrate.”

She looks at him and smiles, ducking her head into his neck. Nodding her head in a silent agreement, she starts to place small kisses onto the underside of his chin. He tightens his grasp on her and flips her so he’s hovering atop her. A smirk plays on his lips as he slowly pulls either side of the towel from around her. Yeah, the night has just begun.

_________

Please reblog and let me know if you liked it or if you hated it. Talk to me, and let me know your ideas for writing. Love you guys!

[twilightxcx]

Finding home

Part 11 - "So there is nothing that you wanna ask me?"

NOVAS POV

"So apparently, you seem to be the Cullens new shining toy? Correct?" Emily asks placing down a bag of apples in the cart as I push it walking towards the vegetables. In my left hand I also hold Claire's hand, since her daycare is closed today Emily insisted she could take her for the day instead. I sigh at Emily's question, looking down at Claire as she holds strongly onto my hand, half afraid, and half exited about the new area she is currently in.

"I guess you could call it that. The thing that freaked me out the most though was that Renesmee tried to follow me and Paul into Pack land, making everyone stop breathing for a moment. And that Alice saw mine and Paul's future. Call that the surprice of the year" I speak, stopping the cart as Emily walks away to grab atleast two big sacks of potatoes, some carrots, a few sallads, a cucumber and two peppers.

"Ah yes, the baby. Sam told me everything last night when you all had gone home. Must have been scary for you to hear a woman you don't even know talk about your future like that. Especially when it involves children. You don't believe her do you?" Emily's tone is calm but serious as she speaks. I shrug my shoulders, unsure of how to answer.

"I don't know Emily, what if she is right? I mean Edward seem to have seen it too, and why would she lie? But I don't know, I mean I and Paul just met and we aren't even married or anything like that." I speak, a little bit conflicted about how to feel about it all as Emily takes the cart moving further into the store, with me and Claire following closely behind. Claire starts to jump in excitement when we walk past the toys section, only to get even more eager to look at all the shiny toys when Emily stops right in front of it.

"I knew it! You are planning to get married! Is it soon? Omg please let me be a bridesmaid. Will your family be there? I'm-" Emily starts to say before I interrupt her. "No Emily no, no wedding. It may look like me and Paul are taking it very fast right now but we are NOT getting married this year! You hear me? No Mrs Lahote this year and definetly no mini Lahote this year.." I speak with a determined tone as she stands there with a smile on her face and a glimt in her eyes giving me the you-are-lying look. As I feel Claire draging me towards the cars in the toy section, Emily quietly follows us pushing the cart infront of her. Claire points at a purple car with red air horns on top of it whilst jumping excitedly up and down, making me sigh.

"Please please Emily, Nova pleaseeee I need it. It looks so cool!" Claire almost screams out as I take it in my hand giving Emily a look that says we are done talking about mine and Paul's relationship as I put the plastic car in the cart, letting Claire get the shiny new toy. Claire tightly puts her arms around my middle in a thank you hug as Emily just gives me a teasing look back saying nothing but that she will get it out of me eventually. I roll my eyes at that.

-

"And that will be 257 dollar and 39 cents. Thank you, do you want a recipt?" Emily stands by the counter paying as I stuff all the heavy bags into the cart ones again. Damn these boys can eat, why isnt it them that are buying all this instead of us?

Looking down at Claire I find her already running around with her new toy on the floor, making me smile a little at the little girl's excitement. While holding my last bag of food my phone all suddenly starts to vibrate, and just a second later Emily's does too. Placing down the heavy bag on the floor again I take up my phone from my pocket only to realise half a second later that it is Paul calling me. I answer.

"Hey Paul, had a goo-" I only have time to say before he interrupts. "Where are you? Are you okay? Sam said you were supposed to look after Claire all afternoon with Emily but none of you is here." Paul implies with a worried, almost panicked tone, making me feel bad about not notifying them about our trip to Port Angeles. Especially when all of the imprints constantly are under a high treath its good to maybe have mentioned it to them before we left.

Just a few feet a way I can now hear Emily have the exact same conversation with Sam as she in slow steps walks over to me and Claire.

"We just went shopping some food baby, I'm sorry, we should have told you. We are actually on our way home now, we'll be there in 20 minutes." I speak as I hear Paul speaking with Sam and another one of the boys before I hear his voice in the speaker once again.

"Me and Sam are on our way, stay where you are. I love you." He says with a stressed tone before he adruptly ends the call, which surprices me a little. When I look up Emily is already done speaking with Sam and is on her way to push the cart out to the parkinglot. Claire stands right infront of me with a worried look on her face, the purple car in her hand.

"Has something bad happened?" She asks quietly, with a sad look on her face, putting me at unease that she is so young but already so aware of how a big part of the people she knows and cares about are in some sort of danger. I shake my head with a sympathetic smile, crouching down to the little girl's face level.

"Hey, nothing has happened and nothing will happen. Sam and Paul just missed us so much they wanted to come see us" I lie.

"And if something ever were to happen we will always protect you, whatever that something may be. Okay?" I speak with a soft voice. Looking into the little girl's brown eyes they now don't look as dull as second ago, she smiles at me.

"Okay. Do you think Paul and Sam would like to see my new car?" She asks, back to her normal happy self. I smile at hear, nodding. "Absolutely, now how about we go out to Emily and see if she need any help packing in the groceries into the car?" I speak as Claire nods in excitement. "Good, let's go" Whilst taking Claire's hand in my bigger one we walk out to the parkinglot and over to where Emily is already on her way putting in groceries into the grey car.

-

"Wow you really came here fast." Emily states as she leans in to hug Sam quickly whilst Paul almost runs over to me and have in milliseconds put his arms around me. Just a few minutes after me and Emily finished packing in the groceries into the car, Sam and Paul arrived in Paul's car and parked just a few meters away, Paul almost running out of his seat to be able to run over to me.

"Hi Nova" Paul speaks a little bit calmer now in comparison to when we spoke on the phone.

"Hi to you." I smile as Paul presses a kiss to my cheek and mouth. I put my arms around his neck pulling him further down to my face to be able to give him another, longer kiss this time. As we let go Paul pulls me - if even possible- more to his chest as he places his face in the crook of my neck, breathing in my scent. I shiver at the feeling, placing one of my hands by the back of his head.

"I was so worried something happened. We found two leaches just a fucking mile from the house. I just got so worried. I mean what if they would have got you? " He mumbles out, telling me what probably set his mind at unease during our call on the phone. His face is next to my ear while speaking and i hug him tighter when he says the last sentence, knowing that a vampire getting to me is one of his worst fears.

"Don't worry Paul, I am right here. Here with you, in your arms" I say, letting him hold me for as long as he needs. Based on the silence from Sam and Emily I can imagine they reason the same way. Paul is easiest the most emotional of the wolves, and that isn't something you should ignore neither joke about. We stay like that for a few moments, just hugging, him ocationally leaning down to kiss different parts of my face and neck.

After I don't know how long, Paul feels stable enough to let go of his strong hold on me, giving me a apologizing look while doing so. I shake my head, giving him a understanding smile as I caress his cheek. He leans into my embrance.

"Look Sam, I have a new car! Its soooo fast, look!" I hear from behind Paul as our eyes stays locked, making me laugh a little at the little girl's words. Paul smiles too, just before he places a open kiss to the palm of my hand, then taking my hand in his.

"Let's go, don't want Claire to wait far to long until she gets to show the rest of the guys her cool car. You riding back with me, right?" He asks, holding my hands in his. I smile, looking down at our connected hands, before I look up once again.

"Ofcourse. Are they taking Claire?" I ask, looking over at the couple who still seems to be looking at Claire showing of her new car. Paul calls to Sam, getting the attention from his packleader only a second later.

"Who takes Claire?" He asks and gets directly an answer from Sam. "We do, see you at home." Sam speaks as me and Paul nod at his words. In hand in hand we walk over to Paul's car to soon be siting inside of it.

"I'm sorry for my reaction earlier, I just got a little worried." Paul explains with a quiet tone driving out of the parkinglot behind Sam and Emily's car. He's eyes stayes locked at the car infront of us almost as if I were to yell at him about earlier.

"Don't worry Paul, really. If a long hug is what you need after some tough hours in patrol then I am all up for it. It is much better than taking it out on your bothers or yourself. Plus, I've missed you today so nothing bad with getting a extra long hug, right?" I assure him with a smile as Paul quickly glances at me before focusing back at the road.

"Thank you, the other guys would have just teased me about it, but you didn't." He says with a sad tone in his voice. Even though I know the pack members would always be there for each other, I can visualize them teasing Paul about exact situations like this, and unlike Sam, he needed more then just a hug and a kiss to be assured that I was actually here with him, and that I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. In a soothing matter I place my hand on his warm bicep, making him look up at me once again.

"Joking about it doesn't make it better or easier for you. And If they ever joke about you like that when I am there you know I am gonna make their lives hard, don't forget I got your back." My tone is serious while speaking making Paul do nothing but smile, and laugh a little at the mentally picture of me punishing the guys probably displaying in his mind.

"Thank you babe, that's so sweet, but I doubt you could fysically fight any of the pack members. Not even if you so used a bat." He laughes, making my stomach go wild with butterflies over how wonderful his laugh is. I roll my eyes at his statemet, even though he absolutely is right.

"Who said I was gonna use a bat? I have something more powerful than that. I would deny them food." I smile teasingly, making Paul laugh even more. He takes my hand in his, it's a little bit bigger than mine, almost rougher, but I like it in some kind of way.

"Okay, you are right, you would win." He smiles before he continues. "Thank you babe, really, I needed that." He tells me, meeting my gaze one last time before focusing back on the road entirely. I shrug my shoulders.

"You deserve the best, and I think you should be treated like so"

-

PAUL'S POV

Arriving at Sam's house, Sam have already parked the car and are on his way together with Emily about to empty the car of groceries. Together with them I see Jared, Jake and Embry helping to unpack the car.

Turning to my right, I find Nova answering a text on her phone. She smiles a little at the screen, completely forgotten about the rest of the world around her. She might not even know we the car isn't moving anymore. I unbuckle my seatbelt.

"Who are you texting?" I ask, trying not too seem all to obvious about that I am jealous of the whole situation. She looks up at me, her beautiful grey eyes meeting mine, carrying that beautiful spark of hers.

"My mom, she asks if you are as handsome in real life as on the pictures." Nova laughes, making me feel both guilty about even thinking of her cheating on me, but also releved since she only talked to her mom and they talked about me. Gosh I am so stupid.

"Aha, okay, then what did you answer?" I ask shyly, feeling a blush creeping up on my face already. I'm not even embaressed anymore to say that Nova has the biggest influence on me, just by calling me handsome she gets my body all warm and a little electric.

"I told her you are even more gorgeous in real life. And that I miss her." Her voice is as always so kind, gentle, but this time also a little bit sad. I take her hand in mine, stroking it calmingly with my thumb across the back of her hand.

"Do you wanna visit Sweden soon?" I ask with a sympathetic tone very noticeable in my voice, taking in her red full lips and cute nose several times during the time she keeps her gaze locked at our intertwined hands, thinking. She soon looks back up at me.

"Only if you come with me." She offers with honesty and vulnerability, sighing just as she finishes the last word. "You dont, forget it, it's stupid." She tells me, adruptly changing her mind, waving it of as nothing.

"I would like to go with you, to Sweden. We could even move there if you'd prefer it that way." I respond, probably feeling just as vulnerable as she does right now. She raises her eyebrows at my statement.

"You mean that?" She inquires, I nod. "Ill go wherever you go. Always." I answer, making a very big smile take place on her beautiful face.

"You are such a sweetheart do you know that?" She asks, pulling me into a hug I am not late to answer, not late to shrug my shoulders at the question.

"For the right person, yes." I flirt, winking at her making her roll her eyes, taking my hand in hers again.

"You are also such an idiot." She beames.

-

Walking into Sam and Emily's house Claire is as expected on her way to show of her very cool, purple and red car.

"Hey you two lovebirds, are you always gonna make out in the car when we carry the food into the house?" Jared jokes, coming into give me a hug as Nova takes of her jacket. He then does the same with Nova.

"Ha ha, very funny. No. We were actually talking about my home country and about how much I miss my mom, nothing else. " Nova implies taking my hand in hers, sending shivers up my arm in an instant. Jared nods at her words.

"Alright, fine. Anyways, did you come to any reasoning in who you are gonna ask to come with you to the hospital?" Jared questions, looking at our both with a excited gaze. Nova nods.

"Sure did" She answers. "So there is nothing that you wanna ask me?"Jared implies with a cocky smirk as Nova simply shakes her head, looking up at me. "Nope, Paul and I came to the agreeing that we should take the one I first of all feel the most comfortable with, but also the one we know for sure can handle being around a few vampires without freaking out"

"That must be a joke since no one of the pack can handle the Cullen's without sooner or later having to freak out on them" Jared argues, probably disappointed because of mine and Nova's choices, placing his arms over his chest in a defensive manner.

"You are right Jared, but I stand my case and you will not be the one to join us in the car when I get my medication this Wednesday" Nova says as Jared just rolls his eyes, clearly giving up on winning this fight.

"Anyway, I suppose Emily needs help preparing the food, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me" Nova continues with a smile, placing a small kiss on my jaw before she leaves the hall and enters the kitchen.

-

NOVAS POV

When the food is almost done and I'm on my way to make the table together with Paul, Quil, Leah and Seth enters the house. Both Leah and Quil gets called over by Claire siting on the sofa with her toys, telling them to sit down with her whilst Seth takes a seat at the dinner table in the kitchen. Paul offers me to take a seat while he finishes up the last parts of making the table.

"Hi" Seth breathes. With a tired look on his face he looks at me, but the smile he puts up is nothing but fake. The bruises covering his forearms and legs I know he resently fought a vampire, or atleast chased one, but that still doesn't tell me why he seems so sad. "Hi Seth" I answer siting down next to him. "Long day?" I ask.

"Yeah" He nods, looking down at his hands with freshly cut open wounds before he looks back up at me with a small smile, a real smile this time. "But now La push stays safe for a little while longer and that's all I'm here for" He continues as I scan him tip to toe, realising he must have been the one to come face to face with the vampire the most, if he weren't the only one to fight the vampire.

"Do you need stitches? Or something else, I'm sure we could work something out?" I ask, friendly taking his both hands in mine. He shakes his head. "No I'm fine I promise, I'll heal soon, we always heal" He says hurriedly, his mouth then continuing to say something I can't interpret, mumbling. Paul sits down next to me, placing his hand calmingly on my thigh, feeling my worry towards one of our closest friends.

"What happens Seth?" Paul asks, Seth imedietly meeting his gaze, mouthing words I once again can't understand, but Paul seems to understand.

"What did he say? Before you killed him?" Paul demands, making Seth close his eyes for a short second before looking back at me.

"It could just be a loose treath, I don't know" He starts, looking back and forth between me and Paul. "Tell us" I speak. Seth sighs.

"He said there are more of them coming, for revenge." Seth explains, I turn to give a quick glance at Paul but his expression seems as clueless as my thoughts.

"Revenge for what?" Emily asks, seeming to have been listening to our dialogue all along as she is making dinner. Seth looks down at our connected hands, mine kinda small grasping at his definitely bigger ones. Their roughness that still provides such gentle gestures reminds me alot of Paul.

"It seemed to have to do with the Cullen's. But since he crossed packland on his way there, I finished him before he got to them." Seth responds.

"Does Sam know about this?" Emily asks as Seth nods his head. "Yeah, we were about to finish our patrol when I caught it's scent. Sam was the one closest away from me, and after I killed it he came and ordered me to come here, taking help from Jake to get rid of the body." Seth explains as Emily places this big pot in the middle of the dinner table, telling Paul to go get the others whilst the food is still hot. He leaves my side after placing a quick kiss onto my cheek.

"I recommend you to let him take care of it, since you both were on patrol at the same time he must have heard the dialog between the two of you and if I were you I would let him decide what to do next." Emily tells Seth in a soothing voice as he nods agreeingly at her words. Emily sits down at the table just seconds before the whole pack enters the kitchen.

"It smells good in here" Sam says, hugging his wife from behind as she tries to hug back as good as possible siting on a chair.

"Yeah it definitely does. I'm starving!" Jake exclaims siting down next to Seth, giving him a gentle pat on the back whilst doing so. "Sam and I talked and we will stand by for now, so don't worry." He tells Seth in a calming manner. Seth sends him a thankful glanse as we start digging in on the food.

-

"She is coming this Friday, and not to exaggerate but she is really excited to meet you Nova, like really excited." Jared beames whilst talking about his girlfriend and Imprint Kim, you can really tell how much he cares about her just the way his eyes lit up talking about her. I nod with a smile, saying that I also can't wait to meet her, knowing that it probably would mean alot for not only Jared but also Paul if his imprint and his best friends imprint actually liked eachother.

"What happens this Friday?' Claire asks confused siting in my lap, looking up at me with her back towards me so that she almost hits my chin with the back of her head. From the corner of my eye, siting beside me on the sofa, I can see Paul jump a little at that, but he lets it go since no one were damaged.

"It's the weekly bonfire Claire, you know the one with all the hot dogs and hamburgers, where we tell all these cool stories about wolves, and you eat alot of marshmallows." Quil says standing up from the sofa opposite of us, walking over and crouching down in front of me and Claire, poking her in her little belly. Claire laughs at the ticklish feeling his finger made on her belly, smiling up at him as she spreads out her arms for a hug, and the second she's in his arms he runs off, with her and her toy off to the backyard as I hear both his and her laugh echoing through the house. She may only be five, but he may probably be the love of her life.

"So, have you asked the person you wanted to come join you to the hospital yet?" Jared questions with a raised brow and a smirk, impatiently waiting for an answer. Imedietly I turn to Seth across the room, watching him play a videogame with Jake, Brady and Collin. His back is facing my direction, and so I cannot tell if he is secretly listening to our dialogue or not. Paul rolls his eyes.

"I thought we cleared that you are not gonna be the one joining, Jared." Paul empathizes, putting an arm around my shoulders as I lean into his embrace, thinking this might be the best chance I'll get to ask him all day.

"Seth?"I ask, as not only Seth but the rest of the guys siting by the TV turns to me, obviously irritated that I disturbed them in their game. During the same second I can hear Jared whisper 'No way' under his breath, probably since I am about to ask one of the smaller wolves with not the biggest experience in vampires to come join me in a situation where being able to defend not only himself but me is the highest priority.

"Would you like to come join me and Paul in the car when I visit the hospital next time?"I ask genuinely, as Seth suprisingly stands up from his spot at the floor, walking over to where Paul and I sit before he sits down next to me.

"I would never have expected you to ask me, but yes, I'd love to." He smiles, pulling me into a hug.

-------

Yooo so apparently I DISAPPEARED for like 6 months. I'm so sorry, I had a personal crisis(like every year) and I also finished another semester of high school! Yay me!

Anyhow, hope whoever is reading this are having an amazing day and that your tomorrow is even better!

See you again when I have inspiration and I'm hopefully feeling less tired.

[katsukisbeatingheart]

let me help

ao3!

there's a difference between hard-working and overworking.

word count: 1309

Crunching of the leather punching bag drew every possible scornful breath from your lips. It was hard enough trying to be a hero against the odds of people like the League of Villains, who constantly found ways to terrorize your school, in particular.

Not to mention trying to figure homework, classwork, hero-work, housework; there was enough stress already.

You didn't need the addition of weighty family ties dragging you down.

Everyone came with baggage, you knew.

It was normal, and usually you could shake it off like mere pebbles caught in your shoe.

This time though, everything felt like it was slowly becoming a heavier load. Cement trucks full of issues—family issues��as opposed to the previous, humble shoulder bag full of chaos.

You'd received jab after jab and comment after comment with a steeled will before you made it to UA. Now that you were on your own though, you'd expected to limit dealings with ball-and-chain insults.

I never asked for anything.

A slam of your elbow to the side.

I was obedient, and did as was expected of me.

Harsh blow from your knee to the center.

I supported myself, and worked as long and hard as I could.

Feverish throws of your knuckles to where you figured the face would be.

Why won't they just leave me alone?

White hot rage boiled under your skin and rushed to your head, blurring your sight. Upon complete animalistic instinct, you lashed out, shoving a palm to the fabric and spinning into a tight roundhouse kick landing closer to the base.

You slammed your hand into the swinging bag to steady yourself, leaning into your right knee for support.

You were tired and sweaty and emotionally spent, but the anger still clawed at your dizzying thoughts.

"You okay?"

You snapped to attention, twisting to get a good look at the person catching you at the worst possible time.

The red hair and sharp teeth came into focus quicker than his worried expression, but you heard his voice well enough to know how he was probably staring at you.

When you didn't respond, still panting and squinting with some kind of intensity he didn't understand, he continued—much more gently.

"...I'd thought I heard a yell—or two—and I-I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

You squinted a little bit harder, watching the already vague outline you could make out swim in front of you.

"I'm oka—"

The ground beneath you tipped. It was like being stuck in one of those tunnels at the carnival; the ones that spin and you have to get to the other side without falling over.

Gym Gamma's floor panned in rather quickly and you distantly registered that you were, in fact, falling.

There was a shout, thundering footsteps, and next thing you know, you were cradled in the grip of two very toned arms. Your head swiveled upward, and you peered into the harshly screwed up face of Kirishima, bent into overwhelming concern.

"What the hell?" His voice rattled through clenched teeth, and—not that you could really even see—if he could scrunch his nose and furrow his brow even more, he did.

Blink once. Twice.

"Kirishima? I thought that was you," you mumbled.

"Well, who else would it be?"

"I don't know; I wondered if maybe I was just hallucinating or something. Which would makes sense, because I think about you a lot, you know," the ease of your tone deluded from the incongruous pain ebbing away at your consciousness. You were fighting off the largest headache you'd had in quite some time.

Meanwhile, Kirishima was doing his best to avoid letting that last bit distract him. He cleared his throat and bit the stammer out of his throat before it could shake up his thoughts.

"Hey— c'mon, what are you doing overworking yourself? You need to take it easy; it'dls not very manly to run your body so deathly ragged," he chided softly, mindlessly wiping away the moisture collected around your cheeks. "Keep doin' that and I'll make sure you never work alone again," he added with a tiny laugh, hoping his gentle threat would get at least a smile out of you.

It didn't.

You pushed yourself up from his grasp, hastily moving to your feet.

"I can take care of myself just fine, thank you," you snapped.

Kirishima blinked in shock.

That was a little unexpected.

His eyebrows furrowed in a new kind of concern.

"H-hey wait—"

He reached for your upper arm, grabbing it with a grip just as firm as his Quirk. The sternness was a little unnecessary though, because you tipped over and right back into him with more ease than a signpost in a storm.

"I said I'm fine, now would you please just—"

"Leave you alone? I don't think so. I'm not about to just walk away when you're obviously in trouble. I want to help you!"

He was clearly agitated, and you flinched at the hurt in his voice, retreating a little deeper into his embrace. Kirishima was the kind to do anything for his friends, no matter what the case. It was unfair to just leave him to worry.

"What are you trying to prove?" His every syllable felt as fragile as the tension that had been tossed into the air. It was a moment before you gathered the courage to admit the truth.

Your lip quivered.

"Myself."

The hurt moved away and understanding took its place. He could relate to that. Eijirou just didn't know what was driving you to practically break yourself.

"Why?" He whispered.

Your voice cracked.

"My family."

Kirishima inhaled deeply, pulling you tighter to his chest to set his chin on the top of your head. Under normal circumstances, he probably would've been a flustered maelstrom right about now—but in the moment, there wasn't anything else he felt he needed to do more.

"I don't think there's anyone worth proving to that takes destroying yourself along the way, you know." He lightly rubbed shapes into your arm, trying to coax you into calm. "Especially because you don't have anything to prove. You're incredible, and as long as you know it, that's what counts, right?"

Deeply touched, the warmth he gave spread clear up your neck. You even felt your ears heat up. Thankfully, the fatigue covered for that.

"What if I said it was for me, then?"

"Self-destructiveness is unmanly," Kirishima grunted.

That managed to make you laugh; you'd been waiting to hear him say something like that.

Eijirou visibly brightened, more than ecstatic to see you smile—even if it was a little pained.

"Will you please let me take care of you?"

You placed your hand on his wrist, puffing a contentedly defeated sigh.

"Alright, alright, you win. You can after I take a quick nap, though," you hummed, eyes sliding shut as you nestled further into his lap.

Kirishima let every ounce of embarrassment he felt in the past few minutes get to him, and suddenly he was reduced to a stuttering, blushing mess.

"Wh—?! Y-you mean right here? Right now?"

"Good night, Eiji."

The boy shifted under you, and you felt him lean backward. His groan vibrated against your skin and you had to keep from smiling coyly.

You turned as if readjusting your place on a rather comfy pillow, curling into his abdomen.

"And thank you."

You didn't dare open your eyes to face him. The silence though, was enough to make you contemplate peeking—until you felt him shift, and stretch out on the matted gym floor. He gathered you into his arms again, silently pressing your head to the junction of his throat and collar bone.

With the way he held you, you knew he wasn't letting you go any time soon.

[minybangy]

EXO reaction : Their S/O is a medical student/intern...

[Sorry if there’s any typos or mistakes]

Kim Junmyeon — Suho

A 24h shift is hard and very tiring, you ran in the ER all night, prepared an operation with your chief and took care of ungrateful patients who had dared to tell you you weren't doing your job correctly. What did they know about your job? So when you came home and the delicious scent of your favorite dish came to you, you felt truly happy. You quickly went to your kitchen, finding your boyfriend cooking, you couldn't help but come behind him and wrap your arms around him.

“Jagi, I missed you.”

You and Junmyeon had your habits, he was busy most of the time and so were you, but whenever you could, you always made sure to be there and to make time for each other.

Sometime you would run a hot bath for him to relax after rehearsals, sometimes he would give you a massage to help you recover from constantly running and walking in the hallways. Each of you always made sure the other was okay. And your relationship was working perfectly, sure there were occasional tensions but both of you were understanding and mature enough to make it work well.

Kim Minseok — Xiumin

You had a big exam coming up soon, and you weren't ready, really NOT ready. You worked, you really did but it was simply not enough and now you wanted to cry, frustration taking over, fearing to fail and to lose your chance to be a surgeon. Minseok was working out not far from you, but when he looked up and saw your eyes watering, he stopped, got up and came to you, asking what was wrong, so when you told him about fearing to fail, he sighed a bit, not really knowing what to do. He was covered in sweat, and you were sad, so the only solution he thought of was to take a long, warm shower.

After your shared shower, you were relaxed, wearing fresh comfy clothes, your boyfriend behind you, gently stroking your arms. He then took your flashcards, bribing you for motivation.

"Okay jagi, for every correct answer, I'll give you one kiss, stay focused."

Zhang Yixing — Lay

Exhausted was not a word strong enough to describe the state you were in. You wanted to fall and sleep for at least five days. Your back ached, and you could barely tell if you could feel your legs. The shower relaxed you though, maybe a bit too much as you were almost falling asleep while standing. You lazily placed your toothbrush in its cup, rinsing your mouth and quickly brushing your hair. You came out of the bathroom, wearing something comfy to sleep, and joined Yixing in your shared bed, clinging to him as he embraced you tightly. You both talked about your respective days, nothing special about it but it felt great to finally be with him and to be able to really relax. He played with your fingers for a little while, occasionally taking a strand of your hair between his fingers, not even knowing what to do with it, but he talked, his voice was low, almost a whisper, making you doze off easily. So when he asked you something, and you didn't answer, he looked down at you, a chuckle left his mouth when he saw your eyes tightly closed.

"You worked hard Y/N, I'm proud of you."

Byun Baekhyun — Baekhyun

Baekhyun, being the cutie that he is, would want to make sure that you were taking breaks, so as soon as he saw you rubbing your eyes or temples, he would get up, close your laptop and take your hand.

"C’mon, time for some fresh air!”

It could be simple things like just the two of you walking down the street for a bit or sometimes it could be little dates, far away from your books and headaches. He was proud, don't get him wrong, he was so proud of you and knew that you still had to work for a while before to go to bed, but your health is important to him so by making sure that you were stopping for a while, he felt better. And you were grateful, he was saving your head from exploding and your legs from stopping to correctly function due to the amount of time you were sitting.

Kim Jongdae — Chen

You were confident, there were really no reasons for you not to be. You worked so well and reviewed everything you had to. Your boyfriend had helped you as well and gosh, he saved you. Last month, you had an important exam to pass, well, important? More like decisive. Make it or break it, there was no way back.

Jongdae had accompanied you to get your results, but as you approached the place, you started to stress more and more. You somehow managed to calm down and enter the building, coming out with an envelope. You both sat on a bench nearby, your fingers playing with the sides of the brown paper, not daring to open it and reveal the final results. Your future was in there, written on a document. One word could literally change your whole life right now. Accepted or Rejected.

“Fighting Y/N, You can do it”

"I can't do it Jongdae, do it for me please."

So he did, he took the brown envelope, carefully opening it and took a paper out of it. There was no need to read everything. The most important was written in bold. He didn't say anything though, and you thought it was over until he took your hand in his, making you look up, seeing a wide smile spread on his face. He presented you the paper. Accepted. And at this moment, you thought your heart has stopped.

"Congrats Doctor. May I take you out on a date tonight or are you too busy for me now? Don't abandon me when you accomplish miracles and become famous."

Park Chanyeol — Chanyeol

Sometimes, mostly at the end of the week, you were struggling to keep everything in your head, too tired to be able to stay fully focused, you were frustrated, sighing and growling, throwing your book on your desk and dramatically plopping yourself on your bed, at least five times in the pasr hour. Chanyeol wanted to laugh at first, but when he saw how desperate and tired you were, he somehow had an idea. So one day, you saw him enter your living room, wearing some kind of human's anatomy printed clothes. Giggling, he planted himself in front of you.

"Jagi, let's make this fun! I'll be your model.”

He got up on the coffee table, facing you, he pointed at some muscles, asking you to tell him everything you knew about it. At the end of the day, you had learned everything you needed to know, and your boyfriend couldn't be prouder, knowing he had been a great help to you.

Do Kyungsoo — D.O

You were often coming home late, sometimes you would even forget to eat, going to bed as soon as you could and hiding in your man's arms, almost immediately falling asleep. Studies and work taking too much time and you being too unorganized, this mix not giving anything great for you and your health. Kyungsoo wouldn't say a lot, but he knew, he saw, you and your bad habits, so he would've created this little routine for you to follow, it was a pretty simple routine, but it was efficient: Water bottle to empty before a certain hour, not skipping any meals even if you really didn't have any correct schedule due to the hospital being an unstoppable rollercoaster, and finally, a good amount of sleep. 

So when he saw you getting up on your own to cook, he felt proud, knowing that you were taking his words seriously. Yes it wasn't a lot, but it meant a lot to him, firstly because you were listening to him, but mostly because you were taking care of yourself. 

“Eat well jagi”

Kim Jongin — Kai

You watched your timer for the fourth time, sighing, grabbing your pen again and writing down as fast as you could. You were testing yourself for an upcoming & very important exam, willing to do anything in your power to make as little mistakes as possible. So when your alarm went off, you stopped breathing for a microsecond, hoping you had it all correct. You took the paper with all the answers written onto it and proceeded to correct your test.

You jumped from your chair when you re-checked every answer for at least three times, everything was correct, you didn't expect to do this well, so you felt all the chains tightly wrapped around your lungs, fall, letting you breathe normally again. The little victory dance you were doing since a good minute made Jongin laugh, but it didn't stop him from joining you, taking your hands in his and dancing like two crazy kids for a little while.

"I knew you were smart baby! Now you deserve a long night of sleep and cuddles, come here."

Oh Sehun — Sehun

As per usual, you were working when Sehun came back from rehearsals, you were memorizing tons of information and medical stuff, just like every other day, and you were not closing your books until late every night. Sehun was proud, and very understanding, knowing that to succeed, you needed to give your all, but he was also worried, always making sure you were still going to bed and you were getting a reasonable amount of sleep before going back to your revisions. He would watch you work sometimes, but of course, you wouldn't know that; this man wouldn't let you catch him observing you lovingly while you were so focused. 

But as much as he would understand and accept the fact that you are as busy as him, he would still want some of your time, and if you ever forget him, don’t worry, he’ll make sure to remind you to pay attention to him.

One last thing, this guy would brag about you at any given opportunity.

"Sehun, we haven't seen Y/N for a while, you should bring her someday, we miss her!”

"Sorry hyung, you know doctors are busy. She's performing her first operation today!"

[vivavinni]

March 17th, 2018 KC - Mental Me.

Today I don't have anything inspirational to say. I am not in love. I am not politically charged (though I should be.) I'm not even sure I can successfully organize what's been going through my mind, but I need to give it a try.

I saw and shared this post on Facebook today:

This post is so closely relatable. I was the kid who survived multiple suicide attempts; I vacationed in multiple hospitals. I am now the adult who feels ill equipped, unprepared and lost.

My dad died when he was 26 years old, I was 6. Growing up, for me, was much different than most of my friends. My mother was a single parent my entire life. We were always moving, paycheck to paycheck. She did everything she could to keep a roof over my head and keep me alive. We are lucky enough to have a supportive foundation. Our family is a good size, very loving and strong. (This is something I never let go of.)

During years 6-10 I dealt with a good amount of anger and sadness. A great deal of my young childhood is a blur, however, I know for certain I was difficult. I remember I needed certain things to go certain ways to feel mostly comfortable in my skin. (Example- my socks had to be folded over perfectly and fit inside my shoes just right, before I left for school. If they were crooked or slightly uneven I would have a meltdown.) I was and always will be chubby. Even then, I had a lot of small and large insecurities that worried me constantly.

Anxiety, what a friend. He sits right next to Depression, she's always crying about something and obsessing over death.

After years spent fighting my mom about going to counseling meetings and follow ups for learning how to grieve after your best friend and father dies, we thought, "maybe the worst is over..." That was not the case.

A few years passed, maybe age 10-12, and I refused to continue counseling because I didn't understand why I had to do it when none, or most of my friends didn't. I didn't want to be so different, but I was and always will be (and that's okay now). Life seemed relatively normal, I had to adjust to having a new baby sister (which was difficult at first, life moves on). I established a few good friendships and mostly excelled in school. Family gatherings were always a highlight. I was fortunate enough to go on a few very cool vacations to new places which is great fun!

Now, at this point it seems light, happy and chipper, however, I grew up with an obsession with death and all things strange and dark. Keep this in mind. I was weird but hey, I made a couple weird friends so it wasn't too terrible. My favorite shows at this time were CSI: Las Vegas and Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. I also loved gory horror films, thrillers and weird anime. Neat!

Let's fast forward to year 2005, September (already a stressful and emotional month after 9/11/01, my uncle Marc lived only ten blocks away when that occurred but survived well and helped with clean up,) I was a month away from age 14, I believe, I was emotional. I was becoming; I was confused, awkward, angsty, dramatic and a little crazy. Found my way to cope with my friends Anxiety, Depression and new friend Hypermania by way of experimenting with different forms of self harm. You guessed it, I was a cutter and I dabbled in an assortment of substances.

I digress, it's September in 2005, my baby cousin is turning 3 years old, he's gonna have a party! I had the option of staying the night with family or staying with a friend, I chose my friends. The night before my baby cousins birthday party, my uncle Steve (baby cousins father and also my father figure), went to have a beer with someone he thought to be his good friend in need. He, tragically, was wrong. This man shot my uncle twice in the back, as well as committing other atrocious acts before attempting to flea the state.

This event spiked a long downward spiral which eventually led to an uphill battle and this very moment.

I was devastated. My whole family outraged, distraught, grieving, but together. Mental me, lost sight of 'together'. I was lost. I felt alone, hopeless, a nervous wreck, and guilty for choosing to stay with friends instead of family. This turned into depression and suicidal ideation, attempt. I was done, loss of purpose, "what's the point?" Extinction.

My first full hospitalization came after months of self-destruction. It was a very unpleasant experience for me. I was admitted to Research Hospital in their youth psychiatric care unit. They cut my favorite shoelaces off my favorite pair of shoes, striped me down to nothing, heavily medicated me, and told me not to worry. Most of my experience is veiled and distorted by medicine haze. However, I distinctly remember the nurse who was in charge of pm phone calls to home tell me, "I've seen a lot of kids like you, you'll be back again," or something to that effect. After my interaction with her all I remember was turning autopilot on to get myself out of that hospital as quickly and smoothly as possible. I said I felt better, "The meds must be working, I'm working on my steps to release, I'm ready to go home." I lied. I lied my face off. I wasn't ready, the meds weren't right; fake it til you make it out, right?

I stayed in out-patient for a little while with different doctors, different medicines. Faking it to make it. I eventually stopped going and stopped medication. I went through counseling on and off. And continued to self-harm and experiment with different substances. School, to me, was pointless. I stopped showing up, I skipped, got into trouble and eventually made the decision to drop out. For me, school was useless anxiety on top of my generalized anxiety, depression and hypermanic episodes. I was trouble, I was troubled. (Mom, I am so sorry for putting you through so much on top of everything we went through together.)

My mom and I had always had a rocky relationship. It was difficult to relate and be open with her. I'm not entirely sure why it took me so long to figure out she was always on my side and wanted what was best for me. I have some ideas why, but at this point in time they aren't pertinent because now I do have a very strong bond and great deal of respect for her. She loves me unconditionally, as I do her. Through ups and downs and hospital visits we became best friends. I am so grateful for it.

Since the loss of my uncle, I began the journey of my diagnosis and treatment but, not before finding out that my father died of a genetic heart condition called A.R.V.D. My grandma was diagnosed with it as well and has been treated and monitored. I decide, with my mom, that testing for this heart condition was important. In and out of hospitals I went! I was put under multiple stress tests in different variations (one of them I was put under anesthesia for.) Eventually, a temporary heart monitor was placed in my chest for further testing and then I lost insurance.

Here I am! Mental me, years later, without insurance and a dead heart monitor in my chest that should probably be removed soon.

Years have passed. I was hospitalized again after several years of self-harm, destruction, medicine and indulgence. Somehow, I met a few good friends and partners along the way that stayed by my side and helped me after this much brighter stint in the KU Med psychiatric ward.

My KU experience was much more helpful. I took it seriously and learned a great deal about myself, my issues, coping techniques; I learned and accepted that sometimes, hospital visits are necessary and beneficial to mental health and well-being. I knew after that visit that when I am at the point of severe or suicidal ideation there is a safe place to regroup, learn and get better.

Friends, it has taken years and years on this journey to get to this exact moment- Where I am the adult who may be a bit behind because I never planned to make it this far. Here I am! Mental me!

I have been off medications and out of hospitals for nearly four years. I've been through therapy and could always use more of it. It can be helpful. Reach out! Seek the help. Sometimes it will be easier than others to take that step, I know, but keep reaching. Find health coping that works for you. We are not alone even in our most isolated darkness.

When I started writing this I said I didn't have anything inspirational to say because this is all just a piece of my story. I think it's time for me to start sharing it. This is not finished because my story isn't over. And it's true, I never thought I would make it this far, but here I am, MENTAL ME! Let's keep going.

The darkness is temporary, the struggle is constant and the fight is forever. Please, keep fighting, help me fight.

With all my love,

-V

#stayherewithme #stayherewithus #suicideawareness #believeinstayinggold #artsaves #evenifitkillsme #keepreaching #seekhelp #TWLOHA #love #life #selfcare #selflove #beyou #getweird