#like ill be waking up getting ready and planning what to do in game and he just SPEEDS BY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fl3shm4id3n · 11 months

Text

ᵢₜ wₐₛ ₒₙₗy ₐ ₘᵢₙᵤₜₑ

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐦. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧.

ꜰɴᴀꜰ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ꜰᴏxʏ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴘʟᴀᴛᴏɴɪᴄ), ꜰᴏxʏ x ꜱɪꜱᴛᴇʀ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴘʟᴀᴛᴏɴɪᴄ)

Tw: Spoilers? Missing children, child abduction, mentions of death, FNAF stuff, slight mental illness, mentions of getting committed, a bit emotional with an almost good ending?

A/N: I choose Foxy because he is my favorite both in the game and movie. Hope ya'll like this fic.

Masterlist

You were just gone for a moment, you had to use the bathroom, you thought that he'd be okay with the other kids. When you came out, he was nowhere to be seen. You looked for him everywhere, in the arcade, the ball pit, the bathroom. Then you heard that other kids also went missing. The police got called, you told your mom what happened. You were growing scared and desperate to find your brother. But weeks turned to months, and months turned to years. The police just stopped looking because they didn't find anything. No suspicious activities or of that sort. No one was found and they didn't even find one single body. It was as if they vanished like thin air. But you? You didn't stopped, you didn't plan on stopping until you found what happened to your brother.

Not only that, but your dreams got all sorts of weird. You had always dreamt of the same thing. You were at the Pizzeria, stepping out of the restroom, wearing the same clothes as you did that day, except the place would get darker and more sinister. The people around you have become faceless and the music sounded much more dimer. You'd spot your brother for a moment, then he'd vanish into thin air. Every time that would happen, you'd call out to him. Screaming his name around the pizzeria. You'd also hear a voice, it sounded robotic. It would always spell out something that you couldn't quite catch. But there were some letters that you could make out. 'C...O...M...E... F...I...N...D M...E...'. You were never able to hear it clearly, it sounded like a broken cassette tape. Then you'd wake up. The dream went on for years, you never really dreamt of anything else. If you did, it would always be something that happened in your childhood, evolving your brother. A lot has changed since he turned out missing.

Now it was the early 2000's, you were already an adult. Working a nine to five job at a Target at the mall and living with your mom still. That early morning, you've woken up from that dream. Again, that same dream. You walking out the bathroom, still wearing that outfit you wore that day and the place was full of faceless people and that music. God that music made shivers run down your spine. You did what you'd always do, look for your brother. It always ended with with you entering the main lobby, near the small single stage. And again, that voice. 'C...O...M...E... F...I...N...D M...E...'. You never could make out what he was saying. Then you'd wake up. You didn't understand it. You never understood it. You got ready for work. You put on your red polo shirt with your name tag and your light brown kaki pants. Before you left the room, you looked at a picture sitting in your night stand. It was of you and your brother, on his birthday. You remembered that summer how he had a pirate themed birthday party. He loved pirates. You remember how he would walk around with a black eyepatch and a hook on his right hand. You would even play with him when your mom would be out working late. You always choose to be a mermaid or the villain in his games. You missed those times.

Besides that, you never really planned on going to school for anything. That was the last thing you would be worried about. So you decided to work, maybe save up enough money to maybe hire a private investigator or someone who can help you find something. Now you were at work, doing what you'd normally do. Just helping customers and ringing them out. It was just a regular day. It felt slower than most days. You heard from your coworkers that a security guard got fired, before he punched a guy who he mistook as a kidnapper. If you were in his situation, you'd probably do the same. Now a-days you didn't know who you could trust or you couldn't even look away from a moment because something could happen with a blink of an eye. It was understandable, at least to you.

You've been invited to do things with your coworkers, except you've declined. Always telling them that you were busy or you just didn't feel like going out. It was hard for you to make friends, you had basically isolated yourself from everyone when your brother turned up missing. You never really tried to make friends again. This worried your mom. Since you'd only go to work, go home, eat and sleep. It was a repeated cycle. She had talked to you about going to see a therapist. But you always declined. You didn't want to go and talk to somebody about how after many years you're still on the hunt for your brother. They'll probably medicate you or get you committed into an asylum. You you avoided that topic.

After work, you were back home. In your room, looking through your book. This book had news paper articles, along with police reports, pictures and other things that you've kept for years. This was your kind of evidence that you kept. You'd study these stuff day and night, for the last couple of years. You never gave up. Not only that, but you've tried asking the owner of the place 'William Afton' if you could go into the place to investigate, except the guy never picked up the phone or responded to your letters. You've even tried to get the job as a security guard, but Steve Raglan, who was a career counselor didn't give you the job. He'd always say that. 'It wasn't good for your mental health' or that 'He needs someone who's more calm and collected'. What he probably meant was that he needed someone who wasn't crazy.

You were busy looking at the old, now yellow news paper. Re-reading the article about the missing kids. You've read it many times by now, you might even memorize it. Then you heard someone knock at your door, then they came in. It was your mom. Who had a face of worry. "Y/n? Have you ate anything?" She asked, looking over you saw that she still had her work uniform on, she must have got back. "No, not yet." You responded, then she got closer. Seen what you were reading. She let out a sigh, as if she was exhausted of some kind. "Again? Y/n, we've been over this." She said, then you looked over at her. "I know, but... I just got to find something." You added to her.

She looked at you, seen the dark circles under your eyes. Indicating that you didn't get much sleep. "Baby, it's been years." She said, while looking at you. "You just... have to accept that he isn't coming back." She said sadly, as if she didn't want to say it, but she did. "I know... I just... want to know what happened to him.. or at least who took him.." you added in defense. Your mom then fidgeted with your hair a bit, as if she was fixing it. "So do it, but... you have to stop this obsession. It's not good for you." She said to you. It went silent for a moment, then your mom let out a small sigh. "I'll get dinner started, I'll come to get you in a bit." She said, giving you a small squeeze to your shoulder and she left your room. You sighed, placing your hands on your cheeks and leaned on the desk. Trying to think of what your mom said. Then you looked at picture sitting on the night stand for a moment. After a whole silent minute, you got up from the desk and went into the kitchen where your mom was, to help her with dinner.

You were at the food court, you had taken your lunch break, now you were heading back. You weren't watching where you were going and you've bumped into somebody. Making them drop a book of theirs. "Shit, I'm sorry." You said, picking up the old looking small book with the title which read 'Dream Theory'. Interesting. "It's alright." He said, then you handed the book to the guy. He was cute. He had messy brown hair and slightly tired eyes. The same description as the security guy who got fired.

"Are you... the guy who got fired from security?" you asked him. He had a look of embarrassment, but he nodded. "Yeah, that's me." He said. It was quiet for a moment, but you spoke again. "What you did was understandable." You said, making him look at you with his eyes slightly wide by your words. "You think so?" He asked. "Yeah, now a-days, you don't even know people's intentions or motives. I would have probably done the same if I were you." You explained. He only nodded at your words, at least someone also thought like him. "Well, I better go, hopefully I'll see you around." You said with a small smile. He nodded and returned the smile. Afterwards, you headed back towards your work place, while he also left to his destination.

You were back home, counting the money you kept in a shoebox underneath your bed. It was enough to fire an investigator, but you knew that you'll need more. This would probably cover the bear bare minimum. It was frustrating. You've spent a whole year saving, yet it didn't feel like it was enough. You knew that you should have got a job sooner, than later. Again, you went through the same old articles and pictures. Trying to find something again. But nothing, it was the same old thing. The same words and the same people in the pictures. Of kids playing around the arcade and one of a person dressed as a yellow bunny. That was odd, you don't remember that bunny at the pizzeria. When was he added? When you looked at the picture of him posing with a girl with blonde hair in pick tails, it felt creepy in a way. Almost unsettling. You didn't really notice this picture or you probably didn't notice it at first.

It was another day, you were in the register, ringing people out. You sighed, in exhaustion. Your feet were hurting and time felt much slower than usual. Another costumer came to the register. You gave them the best smile. "Hello-" you were cut off guard, seen that it was that guy you met the other day. "Oh, it's you. Find everything alright?" You asked him, like you'd normally asked every costumer. You scanned the box of crayons and paper, along with a few things he had in his basket. "Yeah, thanks." He said, while grabbing his wallet. "Found a job yet?" You asked him, out of politeness. "If you haven't, I'm sure you could send in your application." You said. "I actually already did, but thank you for the offer." He responded. You nodded, as you placed the items in a white plastic bag with the red Target logo. "What did you find? If you don't mind me asking." You asked him. "A security guard, at some pizzeria. The pay isn't good, but it's something." He explained.

This caught your curiosity. "Really? What pizzeria?" you asked, putting the packet of bacon in the bag. "It's called, I think. Freddy's Fazbear's Pizza, something like that." He explained. No fucking way. You looked at him wide eyed. "For real?" You asked him, he only nodded. Then he gave you the amount of money that was due. As you handed him his receipt, you hesitated a bit. "When can I see you again?" You asked. "Hm, I don't know, maybe in half an hour while I still have time? Why?" He asked, now curious on why you'd want to see him. "It's cause... I'd like to talk to you about something. It'll be worth your while, I promise." You said, he thought of it for a minute, then he nodded. "Alright, I'll meet you in the food court... When does your shift in end?" he asked. "In about an hour, what's your name by the way?" You asked him. "It's Mike." He told kindly, as you hummed in response. Watching him leave in a bit of a hurry, you went back to work hoping that the time would go by fast.

After that hour, you were at the food court, waiting for Mike to arrive. He finally did. "Thanks for coming." You said almost shyly. "No problem, but just make it quick. I got to get back home to get ready for my first shift." He explained. You and him sat on a table. "Look, I know you've only known me for a bit. But, please hear me out." You said. Mike nodded, allowing you to processed. "Could you, maybe let me in the pizzeria, while you do your job. I'm just looking for something." You explained to him. He looked at you with a look of confusion. "Don't worry, I'm not going to steal anything, I'm just looking for something." You explained to him. But he wanted to know a bit more. "I don't know. What exactly are you looking for? Treasure of some kind?" He asked. "Well, almost something like that." You told him, but he still not very convinced. You didn't know whether you should tell him the whole story on why you're interested in going into the pizzeria. You just skipped the subject.

"Not only that, but I'll pay you for your troubles. I just want to go in and look, then I'm out." You added, as soon as you said 'paid' he looked at you with more reason. "How much?" he asked. "Two-hundred dollars per night. It'll just be this week and no more." You told him, seen the look of shock in his face. He thought for a minute. Then he nodded his head. "Alright deal, but, you have to pay first. I don't want to get scammed or anything." He said, then you grabbed your wallet and handed him two fifty dollar bills. He took the money and looked at it, in almost as if he'd never seen that amount in while. "That's all I have for now, but I'll give you the rest afterwards." You explained to him. Mike nodded, he seemed as if he was convinced. "Alright, it's a deal then." He said. After that was settled. "Before I go, here's my house number. Call me if anything." You explained to him, writing your house number on a piece of paper and gave it to him. You normally wouldn't give your number to anyone, but you knew that you'd be seen him for the next couple days.

Back home, you told your mom that you'd be going out at night for the whole week. For some kind of night shift and you'd be back at 6:00 am. You left home and headed to the pizzeria. It was 11:55 pm. You were sitting in your car, waiting for Mike to arrive. A few minutes passed and he had arrived at 12:00 am. On time. He told you to just be smooth and not make it seem as if you were here. He sounded as if he really needed this job. You nodded understandingly and went to search.

Like before, you searched everywhere that you could. Except you got to look more. In the kitchen, boiler room and in the back. But nothing. Despite not finding anything, you'll be back tomorrow night. When you got back to the main lobby, you heard strange movements coming from the single stage. It had dark purple curtains like the main one. You got a bit close, trying to listen and see closely on what was making the inside of the stage move. You reached out and tried to pull the curtains, until you heard the Mike called out to you. "Hey, it's 6:00, we gotta go." He said, you nodded at him, you looked back at the stage. Before you headed out. "Here's the rest." You told him, giving him the other two fifty bucks. He took them. "Thanks." He said, putting the money in his pocket. "No, thank you for letting me do this. I know it's risky." You said with a small smile. "It's nothing really, I just... really need the money and the pay here is not so great. From what I was told." He explained. You nodded. "I understand." You responded to him. "Well, I'll see you later tonight?" you asked him. "Yeah. See ya." He responded with a small awkward smile, then headed to his car. You did the same.

You went home, slept for a few hours. You had that dream once again. But, there was a slight change. When you got to the small single stage, the voice sounded much different than before. 'Y...O...U... F...O...U...N..D... M... E...' You could slightly make out the letters, but the words completely. Then you woke up again. Like always. You got ready and went to work and after work you went home, then you left to the pizzeria at the same time as you did before. Mike arrived, you paid him the while two hundred dollars and you got to doing what you were doing. You searched in the same places, but this time you looked more in the main lobby. It felt as if you were getting closer to finding something, and that something was in the main lobby. You looked under the tables, bathrooms and even in the trashcans, but nothing. But it still felt close. Looking over at the single stage, you noticed that the curtains were open. You walked over to it, and saw that it was empty. Dammit, you thought something would be in there, before you could leaned close to look inside. You heard a loud thud in the office.

Quickly you ran towards the office. "Mike?" You called out to him, seen that he was on the floor groaning in pain. Bleeding from his arm. You went over and helped him up from the floor. "You good? What happened?" you asked him, setting him back on the chair. "I think so, dunno how that happened." He said, referring to the wound on his arm. It looked nasty. You looked around the office, trying to find a first aid kit. When you found it, you helped him patch up his wound. "What did you do?" You asked him, as you tightened the bandages on his arm. "I have no idea, I just dreamed of this kid, with a pirate hook. I chased after him, then he slashed me." He said, this caught your attention. 'Boy with a pirate hook.' That must have been a sign somehow.

When you got back home, your mom was getting ready to leave. You talked for a bit before she left. When she did, you went to catch some sleep before work. You went back to that same dream, back at the pizzeria, except you were in the last place where it ended. At the single stage, it was open. But it was empty. You got close, leaning in to look inside, but it was dark. All most like a bottomless pit. You stoke your hand in to see if you might find something, inside but you felt something grabbing your hand in the process. You heard the voice again. 'Y...O...U... F...O...U...N..D... M... E...'. Then the house phone rang. Making you wake up with a loud gasp, a bit frightened. Groaning that you've been woken up. You got up and walked towards the living room. You picked up the phone and answered.

"Hello?" you asked through the phone. "Y/n? Hey it Mike, sorry to interrupt whatever you were doing, but. Did you break into the pizzeria earlier this morning?" He asked, sounding worried in a way. "No? I was home the whole time. Why what happened?" You asked him. "Apparently someone or a group of people broke in. I just wanted to conform something." He explained. "That was it, sorry for interrupting." He apologized. "It's alright, I get it. I'll see you later tonight." You said, then you hung up. Who the hell would break into the pizzeria? That was a bit suspicious. You looked at the time and saw that it was close to being time to go to work. You sighed, walking back to your room to get ready.

Later that night, you were back at the pizzeria, waiting for Michael. He arrived, once he parked and stepped out of the car, then he went to the passenger door and opened it. A little girl stepped out with a small back pack. They both approached you. "Sorry, I couldn't get a hold of the babysitter and I just couldn't leave her alone." He explained to you. "Are you Mike's girlfriend?" she asked. Making you giggle and her brother's face turned a slight red. "Nah, just a friend." You replied to her. "Hm, I didn't think he'd have any." She said, making you laugh and Michael's face becoming redder. After you had a small introduction, you went in.

The place was trashed and a mess. While Mike went to put Abby to sleep, you decided to get some cleaning supplies to help clean the mess. You went to the janitor's closet to find some things, you spotted how on the door there was a dark liquid that had been splattered on there. Weird, it looked almost similar to blood, it was probably an old stain of some sort. You got brooms, dustpans, a bucket, mop and cleaning products. Then headed back to the main lobby. When Michael arrived, you and him got to cleaning. You both swept, mopped and you stocked up the chair and tables. Afterward, he went back to the office while you went on your search. Trying to find any kind of new clues maybe, but nothing. Some 'evidence' must have been cleaned up. You headed back to the office and saw that Mike was asleep and Abby had woken up. "Can you take me to the bathroom please?" She asked. You looked over at her sleeping brother and back at her. "Yeah, lets go." You said, taking her hand and leading her to the restroom.

You were waiting outside of the restroom, waiting for her to finish so that she could go back to her brother. The door opened and she walked out. "Done." She said with a small smile. Then a small noise was heard in the stage. You and Abby looked over for a minute. "Stay behind me." You said, then you slowly walked towards the lobby, with Abby behind you. You saw how the stage slightly shook, you kept the younger kid behind you, grabbing a broom. To defend yourself. Then the curtains of both the stages opened, revealing the animatronics. Of a bunny, bear, and a chick. They were all in good condition, with a bit of dirt and dust on them. The single stage had a fox, a bright red one that was more tattered than the rest, also with some dust.

They all moved their heads, towards your direction. Then they began to walk towards you both. You don't remember them doing that. You held the broom tightly, and kept Abby behind you. Except she peaked and looked towards the animatronics. "Those are my friends." She said, removing herself from behind you and going up to the four animals. "Abby wait." You said, getting closer to them. She seemed as if she knew them. Did she? You kept your broom in hand, watching as Abby interacted with them as if she's known them all her life. You felt something touch your shoulder, looking over, you saw the red fox. He was moving his ears and hook for a hand excitedly. Instead of feeling scared, you felt some kind of attraction? "It's okay, he just wants to hug you." Abby said to you, now the animatronics were looking at you. "He does?" you asked her, she then nodded.

Turning to face the fox, that was twice your size. You set the broom aside, then you extended your arms and moved closer to him. He did the same. You wrapped your arms around the cold fur like robotic body. His arms were around your smaller body. It felt a bit odd, but the more you hugged him, it felt comforting. You felt his hook for a hand giving you small pats, as a way to ease you. This felt nice, then you pulled away from him. Looking at him in his single eye. He moved his jaw excitedly, as well as his ears. It was cute in way. You gave him a small smile. Out of nowhere Abby began to laugh, you looked over and saw how the others were tickling her. She just laughed, which lead to some playful screaming and her telling them to stop. It was all fun and games, until you heard Mike run in to see what was happening.

As soon as he got there, he assumed Abby and you were in some kind of danger, he then grabbed a chair and held it up, as Freddy approached him. About to fight him. "It's okay Freddy, he's my brother Mike." Abby said towards Freddy, who had seemed to have calmed down. Allowing him to let Mike pass. "Mike, this is Bonnie, Foxy and Chica. Everyone, this is Mike." Abby introduced everyone to on another. "This is... is a joke right?" He asked, looking confused at you. "I thought I was tripping, but no." You responded to him. "It's okay Mike, they just want to play." Abby told Mike, then Chica turned to her and gave her a wink, making her smile.

"Alright, it's time to go, come on." He encouraged Abby. "Hold on." She responded to him, then she grabbed her little notepad and a red marker from her pocket. She drew something real quick and tore it off the notepad. Bonnie held out his hand, letting Abby put the picture on his palm. He then showed the picture to Foxy who looked very interested in the heart drawn on the paper. "I had a lot of fun." Abby told them, she then walked towards Mike. But stopped and gave Freddy a nice hug. Freddy returned the hug back. You looked at Foxy, who was waving his ears and jaw rapidly again. Also waving his hook around as if he was waving at you. "I'll see you around?" you asked him, he nodded his head. Then you walked out of the place with Mike and Abby.

"That was something." Mike said, watching Abby get in his car. "Yeah, it was." You responded, looking back inside, seen that Foxy was near the door. You guessed to make sure that you would all leave. You turned back to Mike who was closing and locking the gate. "So, find something?" He asked again. "Not yet, but I'm much closer than before." You explained to him. After he finished locking up the door. "I better get going. I got work in a few hours." You told him. "Alright, I'll probably stop by." He teased, making smile. "Alright, don't be a stranger." You told him, then you looked at Abby. "Goodbye Abby." You said kindly to her and she gave you smile, then you headed to your car, turned on the engine to get home. Back home, your mom wasn't there. You assumed she went to work early. You took off your shoes and just jumped on the couch, getting comfortable. Taking yet another nap before work. Hopefully afterwards you could get some better sleep. You fell asleep shortly afterwards.

You back at the pizzeria, except wasn't almost scary looking and dark like before. It seemed more friendly and nice to be in. You were standing outside the bathroom, the same clothes as before. Looking around, you saw someone in front of the single stage, they were small, like a child. You got closer to see who it was. Your eyes widen when you saw the back of that person's back of his head. They slowly turned around. You saw that it was your brother, he looks just like how he did when he went missing. He had on his orange shirt with blue jeans, shoes and his pirate hook that he had made.

"You found me." He said, you felt your eyes watering. It's been so long since you've seen your brother. You almost forgot how he looked like. You said his name in a whisper, then you went over, getting on your knees and pulling him into a hug. "Oh...I'm so sorry, I was only gone for a minute. I knew I should have been more watchful of you." You said, as you cried more, hugging your brother. "It's okay. You found me" He responded to you, all you could do was hug him and cry. As much as you wanted to continue to hug and be with him, you couldn't. This was only a dream. You pulled away, and looked at him in the eyes. "Please... I have to know... who took you?" You asked him, hoping that he'd give you answer or a clue. He didn't say anything. "Please tell me, who took you from me and mom?" You asked him again, but again. Nothing. Before you could ask him again. You woke up.

ₙₑₓₜ ₚₐᵣₜ

781 notes · View notes

severinapina · 2 months

Text

TOXIC (and I love what you do) PART TWO

Suguru found himself getting ready for that night as if it were the red carpet. As had been the tenor of the day, he understood almost nothing of what was happening, except for an intuitive desire to look good. He wore a violet shirt that highlighted his skin and eyes. Tight pants hugged his hips. His nails were impeccably done in black polish. His hair, should it be loose or tied back? He thought about his school days. Satoru seemed to have no preference for how he styled it, only a near-maniacal urge to touch it. To run his fingers through the fine black strands, from the roots to the tips. To comb it before bed, smell it upon waking. To tug it nearly to the point of tearing when he penetrated him, and then to wash it with the delicacy of someone embroidering the details of a wedding dress.

He looked in the mirror. A half ponytail. An intermission. He smiled. He looked really good. He grabbed his bag, called a taxi, and headed down to the lobby.

***

"Shit, this is hard,” Satoru exclaimed, as he looked at the store's ample supply of lubricants. He was ashamed to admit it even to himself, but he had never bought one. That had always been Suguru's job. And that half year without him he hadn't needed to. His sexual encounters with men had been nonexistent.

Another thing that embarrassed him, since he had it on good authority that Suguru had had many, many lovers. Well, if that gossipy Shoko could be called a good source.

He sighed and picked up one of the brand he remembered using. He paid and left the place. He was nervous, too nervous, as if he was ill-prepared for an important mission. Even for his first time he didn't feel like this.

Sure, his first time was spontaneous. Neither of them knew quite what they were doing. They were just two teenagers driven by desire and love.

Love. That was what was missing. No, that was what should be missing. Satoru had been trying to convince himself all afternoon that he didn't love Suguru and that this evening would be pure sex. He had written down all the reasons why he couldn't love the man: he was a jerk, a complete idiot, depraved, a racist, a fascist, he liked curry too much, his adopted daughters were probably biological daughters of Satan, and so on. However, the reason he could love him was as simple as it was corny: it was him. That haughty guy, with that crooked smile and those lukewarm hands that seduced him a couple of hours ago was not Geto Sama, the leader of the Star Vessel. It was Suguru. He knew how mawkish he sounded, but he had seen it in his eyes. Those violet orbs had smiled at him the same way they had years ago, when he'd told him about Digimon or the goodness of psychic-type Pokemon. The same glow, the same shape. An arched eyebrow that seemed to say, “Satoru, you're a jerk,” contrasted with a tender smile that said, “Satoru, even though you're an otaku, I love you,”.

"But he doesn't love you anymore, stupid,” he muttered as he strolled through the mall. Suddenly, he spotted a Nintendo store. He leaned his nose against the display case and looked at the items for sale. A television was showing a game of Mario Kart. He smiled, reddened.

How many times had they fought because of that game?

“You're horrible with Toad, why do you insist, Suguru?”; ‘Because I want to show you that I can beat you with anyone, because it's not about the character, it's about knowing how to drift and using the items well’; ‘It's all that you said plus the character, you'll be stupid, Suguru’; ‘Very well, then beat me once and for all’; ‘How about you shut up?’; ‘Then you shut up, stupid’; ‘Shut me up’; ‘Ha, you know how I'll shut you up’; ‘Do it’.

No, it was better to put it this way: how many times had they fucked thanks to that game?

***

Suguru took a breath before knocking on the door. When he came out of his hotel he felt glorious, self-confident like never before. Yet there, about to meet Satoru again on a date plan, he felt small, tiny. And vulnerable, as vulnerable as he had been before breaking up with him. He swallowed. Maybe being there wasn't such a good idea, maybe the best thing was to turn around and....

"Suguru, come in before we both regret it."

Satoru had opened the door. He was looking at him, leaning on the landing with his arms crossed. He had smelled her scent ever since he entered the hotel. And not only that. Also his insecurity. A short time near him was enough for his six eyes to transform the kind of energy Geto emanated into information. It was like a kind of synchronization. Because of that kind of thing, Satoru sometimes thought he was born to be with him. That and the way he was looking at him at that moment, as if reading his mind.

Suguru, for his part, was extremely annoyed that Gojo had this notion of some sort of predestination over them. All that was nothing but garbage. Sure, he had thought so too, especially after kissing him for the first time, but he had put that foolish belief aside after meeting Toji Fushiguro. If he really was Satoru's destiny, then why had he abandoned him?

He shook his head and felt Gojo's hand. The albino, sensing what the black-haired man was thinking, had grabbed him by the wrist to make him enter his room.

Geto didn't say anything to him. He only looked at him with surprise after seeing that on the table there was a magnificent dinner for two.

"I thought we could eat,” said Gojo, embarrassed.

"Satoru, I came here to get fucked, not to talk."

The albino smiled at him, flirtatiously. The curse handler's frankness had turned him on. However, he was starving.

"I know." He moved closer to Geto's face and, delicately, ran his fingers through his hair. Fuck, how beautiful he was. He put his mouth next to his ear. "Believe me when I tell you that you'll need the energy,” he whispered.

Suguru didn't say anything. He was probably right. He sat down at the table and looked at the dishes.

"Where do I sit?"

"It doesn't matter. They're both the same plates."

Geto had no reason to be upset, because Satoru had no way of knowing that he had become a vegetarian. However, he felt angry.

"Your six eyes didn't notice the kind of proteins my body is synthesizing?” the black-haired man asked wryly.

"What?"

"I've been a vegetarian for over a year."

Satoru felt jaded. So that was Suguru's mood. Behaving like an idiot. He took Geto's plate and removed all the meat from it, leaving only the rice and vegetables. Suguru watched him intently, as he lit a cigarette.

"Well, my six eyes have no way of knowing that, especially considering that the body doesn't make any difference in the type of protein,” said Gojo, lightly. "I'm surprised at you, Geto Sama, that you don't know something so basic."

The curse handler took a deep drag on his cigarette, trying to hide the embarrassment he felt. It was probably the first time Satoru had ever caught him at something like this. How could he have been so stupid? No, not stupid. Impulsive. Even though he didn't want to, the grudge he held against the albino was surfacing. It wasn't the idea. He had gone all the way to that place to be fucked until he couldn't move. Although, Suguru sensed, perhaps fucking from hate could be much better than from love.

Satoru watched him smoke, feeling that dangerous mix of anger and excitement he was dangerously getting used to. He hadn't seen much of Suguru’s unpleasant side. He had left before Suguru turned into the diva sitting across from him. A wave of embarrassment washed over him as he remembered that. Suguru had left him. Not just that, but in front of hundreds of strangers. And, of course, everyone found out—there’s no keeping secrets in the world of sorcery. It was pretty humiliating walking around school knowing that the strongest guy didn’t just have a weak spot, but that weak spot decided to kill his own parents and, worse, was a man. He’d had enough trouble accepting his sexuality without being figuratively pointed at in the halls. All thanks to Suguru, who decided to break his heart like that.

The two sorcerers stared at each other, each secretly furious with the other. Suddenly, Satoru stood up, took the cigarette out of Suguru’s mouth, and put it out.

"I’m not interested in fucking with a chimney, even if it’s a vegetarian chimney."

Suguru was stunned. That was weird. When they were together, he’d never cared if Satoru smoked before sex. In fact, he never cared about anything. Suguru could go five days without showering, and Satoru would still take him with the same desire and intensity. Which, in fact, had happened during Suguru’s worst depressive state. Wow, how wrong. That was kind of taking advantage. He smiled, realizing he was turned on. That was wrong. So damn wrong.

He started eating his veggies in silence while watching Satoru, who was doing the same, both wondering what the hell was going through the other idiot’s head.

For Gojo, that he needed to fuck that idiot until he couldn’t breathe.

For Geto, that he needed that imbecile to fuck him into unconsciousness.

"I need a drink". Suguru said, opening the wine. He looked at the label and smiled. "Excellent choice, even for someone who doesn’t drink, Satoru."

Gojo pointed to his glass while swallowing his food.

"Well, today I’m going to have a glass."

Suguru looked at him, surprised.

"Are you sure? You might regret it tomorrow."

"I’ll probably regret it tomorrow, yeah, but not the wine."

“Ouch. Satoru is on a roll,” thought the curse manipulator while filling the albino’s glass.

Gojo downed it in one gulp, and due to his unique brain and the speed at which his neurons made and unmade connections, he got drunk instantly. As a result, he impulsively said:

"Seems like I can’t fucking stand you anymore, Suguru."

Geto looked at him impassively, one hand swirling the wine and the other resting his gorgeous head. Did he expect to feel that? Yeah. Did it hurt to confirm it? Also, yeah. Would he react in any way? No. The wine was delicious, and Satoru being a jerk made it taste even better.

"I’ll leave if you want" he said, making a show of standing up.

"Doesn’t mean I don’t want to fuck you and…"

"So what are you waiting for?"he interrupted with a flirtatious smile, though he was starting to get nervous. He didn’t like the tone Satoru’s rant was taking.

"…doesn’t mean I don’t miss you every fucking second". The albino took a deep breath. "Suguru, I…"

"No, please. Don’t say it. Anything but that."

Gojo took off his bandage slowly. He was drunk and felt that gave him the courage he needed, which he only lacked when it came to Suguru. Maybe he’d never see him again. He needed to get this off his chest, now or never.

"…I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you."

"Satoru! I asked you not to say that!"

"Why don’t you want to hear it, huh?"

Suguru downed the rest of his wine and refilled his glass. His heart was pounding hard. He didn’t expect that, especially not for him to say it. He felt a strange urge to cry. He missed him too. No one understood him like he did, no one saw him like he did, and above all, no one would ever match up to him. Only Satoru.

Yeah, he still loved him too. But he didn’t want to say it. Verbalizing it meant truly feeling it, and Suguru couldn’t handle that at this point in his life.

"You could join me, you know?". He surprised himself by saying, in a very low voice. “Yeah, maybe it’s not such a bad idea. It would actually be beautiful to build the new world together,” he thought, as a sincere smile formed on his face.

Satoru snorted. That wasn’t the answer he was expecting. No, it wasn’t the answer he wanted. He was sure (or almost sure) that Geto also loved him. He wouldn’t have bothered being there otherwise.

Or would he? Maybe it was all part of a plan to seduce him and bring him to his side. After all, together they could be invincible, and Suguru knew that better than anyone. If he was on his side, no one would dare lay a finger on him, and the sorcery schools would have no choice but to step aside.

Thinking this made the albino’s blood boil. So he just wanted him for his power, just like the rest of the world. Well, screw that.

He put the bandage back on and said coldly:

"Your utopia? No, it’s not a utopia. Let’s call it a delusional fantasy."

Suguru stared at him for a couple of seconds, blinking slowly. Was he really responding to that nonsense? Didn’t he realize what an honor that was? No, not just that. He was practically asking to get back together. After everything they’d both been through, all the resentment and rage they felt, he, Geto Sama, was willing to give in. Of course, it was always the same with the albino. Suguru had always been the reasonable one, the one who managed to cool Gojo’s passions so he wouldn’t end up smashing someone’s face in or reflecting on a mistake he’d made. And it wasn’t easy. Not even his meditation sessions were as challenging for his patience. Yet, he was willing to take him back. Even after all he hadn’t done. Who the hell did he think he was? Oh right. The magnificent Gojo Satoru.

"Me, delusional? You tried to kill me!" Geto exclaimed, pouring himself more wine. "And I’m sure no big shot was pressuring you at that moment."

Satoru’s anger turned into nervousness. The fact that he had gotten into a fighting stance at that moment was something that haunted him constantly. Yes, he had really considered, for more than a second, killing Suguru before it became an order. He knew Suguru had noticed it, in fact, he had even dared him to do it. But like a kid caught doing his worst prank, he chose to deny it.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Suguru raised an eyebrow and laughed with sarcasm. He couldn’t believe Satoru was pretending not to remember.

"Are you serious? When we broke up. No, when I LEFT you."

Gojo, more nervous than before and knowing it was a bad idea, poured himself more wine. He downed it in one go and then threw the glass on the floor. He really didn’t know how to act. No one, absolutely no one else made him act so erratically.

"YOU’RE LYING! YOU’RE STILL A LIAR, GETO SUGURU!"

Geto stood up, furious. He got very close to him, their faces just inches apart.

"Do you dare call me a liar? What was it, huh? Red? Or…purple?"

"YOU WERE TURNED AWAY!". Rage and guilt clouded Satoru’s judgment, and he was no longer keeping track of his volume. "YOU’RE CRAZY!"

"YOU JUST CONTRADICTED YOURSELF! HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THIS STUPID? I PRACTICALLY BEGGED YOU TO KILL ME!". Geto started pacing around the room, trying to calm down but failing miserably. The urge to hurt the albino at that moment outweighed everything else.

"When have I ever lied to you? Huh?" he continued, in a calm voice. "Or is it that the fact that I stopped loving you hurt your ego so much that you see it as a lie? It was just what I felt. When I loved you, I said it, and it was true every time. Then it stopped being true. That’s all."

Gojo’s heart skipped a beat. This day was turning out to be one of the worst and most unpredictable of his life. The swings with Suguru were too much. He felt he couldn’t take it anymore and walked toward the door.

Suguru glared at him with anger. Even though he was having a terrible time, he didn’t want, for anything in the world, for the albino to leave.

"So, your ego is infinite too", he said with irony.

Satoru had opened the door but slammed it shut again.

"You’re calling me egotistical? It was your ego that couldn’t handle the objective fact that I’M the strongest, and that’s why you always resented me! It’s pathetic!". Gojo had never felt so angry. He got into a fighting stance, ready to cast a spell. "Do you want me to do it now? Because you know I CAN AND HAVE TO do it! I’m so superior to you that there’s no chance of me being wrong!"

Suguru yawned dramatically, pretending to be calm when he wasn’t. He was drunk, angry, and confused. Nothing seemed to make sense.

"Do whatever you want. Honestly, I don’t give a fuck."

They stared at each other, both agitated. Gojo remained in his fighting stance. Suddenly, he lowered his guard. He sat back down and covered his face with both hands, distressed.

"Don’t you know everything I’m risking, every second that I let you live?"

"Yes. And I don’t care. After all, it’s your decision."

That was too much for Gojo. He yanked at his bandage with such fury and force that he ended up ripping it.

"YOU’RE A SNAKE! A MONSTER! HOW ARE YOU ANY DIFFERENT FROM THE REST? YOU BROKE ALL YOUR PROMISES! YOU SWORE YOU WOULDN’T LEAVE ME, THAT YOU’D LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH ME! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT’S BEEN TO START SMILING AGAIN AFTER THAT DISAPPOINTMENT?"

"HA! SHALL WE BE FRANK? FINE! YOU PROMISED ME YOU’D PROTECT ME, THAT YOU’D ALWAYS BE BY MY SIDE! BUT WHEN I NEEDED YOU, WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU ABANDONED ME! YOU DIDN’T EVEN ASK! YOU JUST DECIDED I WASN’T THAT BAD OFF AND LEFT ME ALONE!"

Geto clenched his fists tighter and was breathing heavily. He moved towards Gojo with the intention of hitting him but hesitated when he heard him sobbing. He couldn’t help but remember the last time he saw him like this, alone, in his room, shortly after Haibara’s death. It felt like his soul was melting. He couldn’t stand seeing him like this because, on the rare occasions Satoru cried, he did so with sobs that seemed to come from the darkest place within him.

“I’m tired. I don’t want to keep hurting him,” Suguru thought. He sat down beside him and gently took his hands away from his eyes. He wiped the tears with the sleeve of his shirt.

Gojo smiled. “I should push him away, but this feels… so good.”

"Gross. Your shirt smells like cigarretes."

Geto pushed him away with a laugh and then rested his head on his shoulder. He took one of his hands and began to stroke it.

"You're right. I’m no different from the rest. I’m probably a worse person than you, Satoru". He sighed."Listen. You’re not stupid. You never were. I’m sorry I said that. I don’t believe it at all. You know that, right?"

Satoru smiled warmly.

"I know. And you’re not a monster. I’ve never really thought that."

Suguru snuggled into the six eyes' arms, resting against his chest. Gojo kissed his forehead and then started twirling his finger in Geto’s bangs, just like he used to when they were together.

"We’re a mess, Suguru. There are forces that don’t want us together. You know the bigwigs are hell-bent on me killing you, right? They want to make sure you don’t reincarnate."

"Yeah. I’ve known that since I decided to leave. It’s textbook material, Satoru. I’m not surprised you didn’t know until you had to live through it. You’re all experience, no theory. Some would say you’re lazy", Suguru laughed.

"I’m not lazy! It’s just that studying sorcery never made sense to me. And you know I’m good at everything by default, so what’s the point in studying? Look, the only thing that’s true in our world is that everyone’s a bunch of treacherous rats, hungry for money and whatever other crap."

"And you’re not ? Because I am."

"Yeah, you are. And me? Well, I’m just into eating sweets, remember?"

Geto laughed. He sat up and rested his hands on Satoru’s knees. He stayed like that for a while, thoughtful. Talking about Satoru, or anyone, eventually killing him had brought to mind something he’d been reflecting on for a while.

"Listen. I’m sure this is the last time we’ll see each other without one of us ending up dead. I need to ask you something. And I need you to swear you’ll do it."

"Suguru…"

"When I’m executed…my body, my corpse…give it to Nanako and Mimiko, my girls. I’m all they have."

Gojo turned pale. The way Suguru talked about his death made it feel real, something he didn’t want to happen for anything in the world. Let alone be the one responsible. And, on top of that, what he was asking was completely out of the ordinary.

"Suguru, no. That’s impossible and you know it."

"I need to be taken to a place that only they and I know about. Or I’ll never rest. I’ll be doomed to wander in some subway station or something, trapped for all eternity."

"That’s not even part of your religion; you just made it up."

"No, it’s like that for sorcerers like me. There’s little information, but it’s true. I swear, Satoru. It’s really important to me."

Satoru sighed sadly. He didn’t want to keep talking about this.

"That also means getting involved with Shoko’s work. I can’t do that to her."

"Shoko will understand. Believe me."

"Ieiri is my friend."

"And me? Am I not your friend?"

Gojo suddenly remembered everything Suguru had said that day and felt angry again. He pushed Suguru’s hands off his knees and stood up.

"Are we even something? Do you feel anything for me now?"

Suguru walked over to the table, grabbed the wine bottle, and chugged what was left. He was fed up with Satoru's insecurities. Nothing was ever enough for him. What did he expect? For him to crawl and say he loved him? Hell no. Angry, he threw the bottle at Satoru, who dodged it.

"Enough! Why the hell do you always need so much affirmation from me? You’re Gojo Satoru! Or are you going to deny it? You’re the strongest, you’re basically Anakin Skywalker, the one who brings balance. What do you need? For me to sign my feelings for you in blood? Isn’t it enough that I’m here, risking my life?"

The dark-haired man sat back down, agitated. The truth was, he hated losing his temper like this, but it only happened with Satoru. He was the only one who made him want to hurt someone. He knew it was wrong, but damn it, that’s how it was. Complicated. The only reason he said all that was because he knew Suguru’s approval was the only one that mattered. And that stressed him out. He didn’t want to have that responsibility on his shoulders. All he wanted when he decided to visit him in his room was a moment of peace. To be with him, have sex, and then sleep, even if just for a few minutes, on his chest. Was that too much to ask?

He looked at Gojo, who was staring off into the distance. For a moment, he remembered his girls. He saw the three of them on the beach in Sendai. Hell, he could even put up with Fushiguro’s kid. Playing, happy, like siblings. And the two of them watching, hugging. Like nothing ever happened.

On the other hand, Gojo was hurt but didn’t want to keep crying in front of him. He felt weak, small, something he literally only felt in the aspects of his life related to Suguru. And he hated feeling that way because, in those moments, the finiteness of his existence became tangible. Suguru was right. He was insecure and a hypocrite. He promised he’d protect him, and he couldn’t even help him when he needed it. But what could he do at that moment? They were there driven by desire. Or at least that was the case at first, as now they seemed like a couple that’s been married for forty years and on the verge of divorce.

He wanted to leave Sendai, wanted to break everything. But at the same time, he knew that once he closed that door, he wouldn’t see Geto again. Not like this. Not with the open possibility of touching him, talking to him, and playing with his bangs. So he held back his feelings, because the pain of his absence was far worse than the pain from his wounds.

Geto snapped out of his fantasy. He looked at Gojo and saw him more vulnerable than ever. He felt terrible. He never said it, but he hated seeing him like this. Part of it embarrassed him, and part of it felt like it was his own pain, or even worse.

He felt overheated. It was the alcohol, combined with the coast and the excitement of being there with him. He went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Yes, that was just what he needed.

The albino, seeing this and not knowing why, followed him.

"Satoru...” he muttered, ”I'm exhausted. I don't want to argue anymore. The truth is, I really thought there was a chance I could take you with me. I miss you. Every fucking day, I miss you."

"Suguru, you have no idea how much I think about you. Look." He took something out of his pocket. "Look what I have."

Geto looked at it curiously and then smiled tenderly, on the verge of tears. It was a small Toad keychain.

"I bought it this afternoon. I don't know if you really remember, but..."

Gojo didn't get to finish speaking, as Suguru silenced him with a kiss. Satoru kissed him back, and then grabbed his hair and loosened his bun. Then he took off the top of his clothes and pushed him into the shower. Geto just let him do it. He didn't want to resist. Satoru got in with him and cornered him against the wall with his arms.

"Let's get this shit off our backs, Suguru. Since it's the last time, let's make it count."

He kissed him, first on the mouth, then on the neck.

Suddenly, Suguru grabbed Satoru by the arms and pinned him down. He pulled down his pants. He licked his neck and, slowly, began to stick the tips of his long fingers into his anus.

"Suguru...” Satoru smiled, excited. "You're a cheater."

"We didn't do it so much like that, huh? But I seem to remember you enjoyed it like the bitch you are."

Satoru, his penis hard as a rock, tried to get loose, but he couldn't. He didn't want to, rather.

"Are you going to talk to me like that?"

"Are you going to let me talk to you like that? Tell me: aren't you a bitch?"

Gojo laughed and again tried to turn around. Suguru stuck his tongue in his ear. Then he ran it over his lips. Gojo stuck out his to kiss him, but Geto pulled away.

"Suguru...you've changed."

"Oh, honey. You have no idea."

Geto pressed him harder against the wall; he kept fingering him. He smiled as he spotted the lube on the bathroom cabinet.

Satoru began to wiggle his ass backwards, searching for the black-haired man's penis.

"Are you ready? Do you want me to stick it in you?"

"Oh...Suguru...don't be an idiot. Do it, quick."

Suguru pulled his fingers out and pulled away.

"You're not going to order me around,” he grabbed him by the white hair and forcefully pulled him toward him. ”Or are you?"

Satoru was literally on fire. He felt drunk, not only because of the alcohol, but Suguru's smell electrified his whole body.

"No... put it in me. Just... put it in me."

Suguru moved closer again. He put his penis close to Satoru's ass, making sure he felt it in all its greatness, and began to put lube on it. He turned on the shower more, letting the hot water soak him. Then, he whispered in his ear.

"Say please."

Gojo could hardly speak anymore from excitement. All that came out of him were moans.

"Put it in me...please, Suguru. Put it in me. I beg you."

"You're such a bitch, Satoru."

Geto grabbed him by the waist and thrust in, hard. Satoru, dizzy with pleasure, didn't moan, but screamed. He couldn't even tell him to stop or go on, no. His body could not generate a sound other than those howls that could easily have been of suffering.

But they weren't. Rarely did Satoru let himself be penetrated, but not because he disliked it. In fact, only Suguru had that privilege, only the black-haired man was able to achieve that craving, so he had not felt that glory in his prostate for a year and a half. The heat of the shower, with that of his body and his sweat kept him in a perpetual hot flash that felt devilishly good. After a couple of minutes, he couldn't hold it in any longer. His back arched and his cum painted the wall.

Suguru stroked his back delicately and Satoru turned around. He looked for a couple of seconds into his purple eyes and, seeing them smiling back at him, smothered him with a passionate kiss.

“Wow, Satoru...I still...” said Suguru, indicating his erect penis.

"Do you think that after all this time that's going to be all?"

The albino took Suguru in his arms and carried him back to the room. He laid the curse handler's body on the table where they had eaten dinner, throwing everything away. Suguru laughed, as his penis hardened even more. Satoru, without any warning, shoved two of his full fingers into the black-haired man's hole.

"Ouch", whispered Geto, playfully.

"You're ready. And I'm going to fuck you like an animal."

"Tsk...Satoru...you don't have to warn..."

Gojo lifted Suguru's warm, wet hips and penetrated him, as deep as their hyperlax bodies would allow.

"Satoru...you're...you're a fucker", Suguru laughed, as he stuck his tongue out at him.

Gojo slipped his into his mouth. Then he bit his neck, taking the opportunity to inhale his scent. Suguru did the same, drowning his nose in his white hair. Synesthesia was a privilege of few and, in general, all colors smelled good, but Satoru's simply had no comparison. Suguru felt able to go to war over the scent of purple emanating from the albino's skull. He took a lock of the white hair, which glowed purplish in the dark, and pulled it out. Satoru laughed, like a madman and began to lick his nipples, while he penetrated him with perfect rhythm and smiled mischievously at him.

My god, how beautiful he was, how had he left that wonderful creature? Nothing compared to the white hair clinging to his skin, his cheeks flushed with sweat, and those light blue eyes watering with pure pleasure.

And that penis. That glorious penis.

"Do you want it?" Satoru said, sensing what was going through the black-haired man's head.

"Yes."

"Me first."

Gojo, quickly and with the same contradictory mix of strength and gentleness that drove him crazy, sat Suguru down and took his wet, veiny penis into his mouth. Suguru, weak from the surprise and excitement he had been feeling, couldn't hold anything in. A couple of flicks of the albino's deft tongue were all it took for the curse-handler to expel, along with the most melodic moan Gojo had ever heard, all of his semen into the six-eyed man's mouth.

Satoru dug his nails into his hips and grinned at him, still holding Suguru's magnificent cock in his mouth. Some of the liquid was trickling out of the corner of his lips.

"You're not going to swallow it?"

Satoru gladly swallowed Geto's semen. It tasted as good as ever.

He grabbed Suguru's face tightly and kissed him, choking him with his long tongue in his slick throat.

"I'm a crazy little bitch, don't you remember?"

Suguru laughed out loud.

"Of course I remember. I'll never forget. I haven't stopped thinking about you like that, even when I've been with other people."

Satoru looked at him in surprise. What a day. He hadn't expected to be the image Suguru used to fuck other people.

Suguru arched an eyebrow.

"Have you been all this time without...?"

"Of course not. But...". He pulled the black-haired man back to him and squeezed his hardened nipples. "...no one turns me on like you do, Suguru. There's no one as sexy. So I haven't been particularly interested in anyone else, see?"

Satoru grabbed Suguru's member and began to fiddle with it.

"Hard again. Looks like I'm not the only little bitch,” the albino added.

"No. You're not the only bitch,” Suguru said as he put his hands on Gojo's crotch and began to masturbate him. "I warn you: I could go on all night."

Satoru was breathing heavily, as he stroked the back of the curse handler. He fixed his eyes on those manly shoulders, wet with sweat and dyed black by his jet-black hair. He could go on all night, too. In fact, he could keep fucking Suguru all his fucking life.

"Is it a competition?"

"I always liked playing with you, Satoru. And against you,” Suguru replied as he put his face between the six-eyed man's legs.

Gojo grabbed him by the hair and pulled him hard, pulling him away from his cock. That was his favorite game.

"I could fuck you 'till I die."

Suguru laughed, with pleasure. No one else would pull his hair. No one would even dare to ask, but Satoru....

Satoru could do anything he wanted to him.

"This...ha. It's my weak spot. You know that. You're the cheater...oh, you damn albino."

Satoru grinned and pulled his hair harder, to the point of arching his back. He licked his lips at the sight of the beautiful curve the black-haired man's body formed.

"Now you beg."

Suguru stuck his tongue out at him, mischievous.

"No. Never."

Satoru pulled his hair again.

"Beg me or I won't feed you."

Suguru thought he was going to cum on his own because he was so turned on by Satoru pulling his hair, but he wasn't going to give in.

"I...I told you that...oh, Satoru. I told you no."

"I'll punish you, then."

Gojo pulled his hair violently and held a small lock in his hand. Suguru, feeling it, cried out, in a mixture of pain and pleasure. For the second time in the evening he realized that Satoru mistreating him unlocked pleasures he had never felt before.

The curse manipulator rejoined him, pushed the albino onto the bed and sat on top of him.

"Hey, It hurt,” he said as he tied his hair back.

"So?"

"Do you want to know how it feels?"

Satoru looked at him piercingly. Suddenly, his countenance darkened. He had come back to reality for an instant.

"You hurt me already, Suguru. Always."

Hearing that, Suguru's expression changed as well.

"Don't think It doesn't hurt me too, Satoru."

"You're so beautiful, Suguru."

Gojo caressed his cheeks. Geto took his hands and left them on his face for a moment. He closed his eyes and inhaled, deeply. He wanted to remember that moment forever.

Suddenly, Gojo kissed him passionately.

"Let's not think about that now. Just...". He buried his nails in the black-haired man's buttocks again, and then spanked him with a spank that would leave his big hand scarred"...Make me suffer in another way, honey."

Suguru laughed and then bit his neck, drawing blood. He licked at this one, running his tongue over his elegant lips. Then, he put both hands around the albino's neck, and began to ride him slowly.

"Like this?"

"Take...take my breath away."

Satoru was overcome with a pleasure almost impossible to describe, which tensed his muscles like never before. He felt adrenaline building in his chest and at the base of his penis. Suguru clenched his hands tighter and the albino's half-closed eyes, along with a grimace begging for air, brought him closer and closer to his zenith. Suddenly, Satoru scratched the black-haired man's buttocks so hard that a small trickle of blood came out of them. Suguru, feeling the burning that the albino's scratch brought with it, became even more aroused and continued to ride him with a speed and eagerness to feel Satoru's member that could only be compared to that of a thirsty man looking at a cold pitcher of water.

Suddenly, Satoru pulled out of him and ejaculated like never before, leaving Suguru's chest and stomach covered with his liquid. Gojo, seeing that his partner still wasn't cuming, came over and kissed him passionately while masturbating him. They stayed like that, lost in the sound of moaning and their skin rubbing against each other, until the violent grip of Suguru's hand on the albino's shoulder made him realize that the black-haired man had reached orgasm.

They both remained sitting on the floor, looking at each other and breathing hard. At the same time, they realized the mess they had left in the room and, also at the same time, laughed.

"We're pigs,” said Suguru.

"Bah, how else could the strongest fuck, huh?", said the albino throwing a pillow at him.

They laughed again. They looked at each other, complicit. Satoru approached Geto and kissed him on the cheek.

"What did I tell you? 'Till I die,” he said as he put the black-haired man's hands on his crotch, so Suguru could feel his new erection. "What about you?"

"Always."

***

Many hours later, when it was almost dawn, Gojo watched Geto sleep. He stroked his hair, gently. Suddenly, he looked at the time and rubbed his eyes. He sighed and sat on the balcony, watching the sea. His mind was blank, focused only on feeling that moment. A small tear peeked out of his left eye.

He stood up resolutely and took out a sheet of paper and a pencil from his bag. He began to write. Once he finished, he watched him sleep for a while longer. He caressed a lock of his hair delicately and, in the same way, left what he had written on his pillow. He picked up his torn bandage, his purse and walked to the door. He stopped, hesitantly, and returned to the bed. He kissed Suguru on the forehead, deposited what was left of his bandage on the bedside table and left.

No sooner had Satoru gotten into the academy car than Suguru awoke. He was disconcerted to realize that the albino was gone, and felt like vomiting when he saw the envelope with the letter.

With his heart pounding, he began to read.

"Suguru:

When you read this, I'll be back in Tokyo, and I hope you'll understand that I can't be with you. Not just because I shouldn't, but because I don't want to. Our paths aren't the same. Our ideals aren't either. Maybe they never were. Remember how we used to argue about that? That's why you broke up with me. It was the right thing to do, and I respect it.

I want you to know that I know you go to that place every now and then. Your trace is basically the same, but sometimes something changes. When I figured that out, I started visiting that station more. It was like seeing you, in a way. I know you’ve seen me there. I’ve seen you too. It was our way of reconnecting, of knowing we thought of each other. Believe me, the thought of you often kept me going. But I can't do it anymore. I have a kid to take care of, and due to circumstances beyond my control, he knows who you are and what you've done. If he found out about what we were... no, what we still are to each other, he'd never trust me again. And I can't do that to him. I know you understand. So, please, don’t do anything like what happened these past days. Don’t come after curses that I’ll have to exorcise, because I can’t see you again. It was horrible and beautiful at the same time, but going from saying we never loved each other, to trying to kill each other, to almost sleeping together, to hating each other again, and then spending the whole night together… it’s a rollercoaster I can’t handle. And I don’t want to. It’s truly impossible for us to be together again; those years are gone. Saying goodbye today is as painful as it was that day.

I need to focus on what I want to do with my life, and for that, I need to try living without the painful longing to find you. I need us to leave each other in peace."

Suguru crumpled the letter and threw it in the trash. He kicked the furniture around, making an even bigger mess. He grabbed his bag, put on his Gojo kesa, and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

However, in his rage and pain, Suguru didn’t notice that the letter continued on another page, and there was something else in the envelope. Three polaroid photos of the two of them: one in a field, taken by Haibara; one at school, taken by Shoko; and one in Okinawa, taken by Riko. In each one, they were looking at each other like fools, in love. Immersed in each other, as if there was nothing and no one else around.

The letter continued:

"I want you to have these photos of us. No, they’re not the only ones I have, but they’re the ones I always carry with me. Because that’s how I like to remember us: in love. No matter how much crap we said last night, we both know the truth: I was born to find you, and you were born to find me. Life threw us some bad breaks. We got through most of them, but the final one is unbeatable.

I’ll take care of what you asked me because I love you, Suguru. I said it a thousand times, and it was always real; today it still is. I love you from the first moment I saw you, with your bangs. And I’ll never love anyone else. Not like this. You’re my only special person. No matter what anyone says: there will never be anything more than your love. No memory compares to your touch, your look, your voice calling me by my name.

Forgive me for leaving like this.

Forgive me for not being the partner you needed.

Forgive me, already, for killing you.

Yours, always.

Satoru.

PS: If I could, I’d go with you after that eclipse. I’d stay with you until death came for us.

You’re beautiful, Suguru."

————————————————————-

(Tysm if you read it all! It means a lot!)

If someone knows the artist please tell me so I can give credit 🙏🏻

159 notes · View notes

v3nusxsky · 7 months

Note

Aaa I loved the Larissa x Lesso fic! Could you please write a fic where it's late at night and Lesso's refusing to sleep because she has to do paperwork and Larissa is trying to force her to sleep? Could be smut or fluff it's up to you!

Distractions

*authors note~ I absolutely adore writing for these two women, and on that note, Happy valentines to everyone*

Trigger warnings~ smutty stress relief bratty subby Leo dom mommy Larissa praise kink teasing nudes being sent, masturbation degrading kink, body writing orgasms denial if you squint, use of safe words cause we love consent use of toys restraints the heel of her foot 🫨 dom drop! after care etc

Prompt~see ask^^^^^

Larissa Weems likes things to be on a schedule, to plan her day and leave just a little time in her day to relax. Normally that consists of her red headed wife curling her body into Larissa’s as they just relax on their bed. It’s Larissa’s favourite part of her day and makes waking up early the next morning bearable at most. Only recently Wednesday Addams has got in the way of this time by causing no end of mischief equating into a lot of late nights in her off sorting out the paperwork. Tonight was the first night that Wednesday hadn’t been up to her usual antics and Larissa would have to remember to thank Miss Sinclair for that. No tonight, it seemed her wife was going off her schedule.

Living at Nevermore with Larissa was easy for Leonora, to leave the school for good and evil and pass her title down to someone younger and ready for the challenge. Clarissa Dovey doing the same a few weeks prior to the red head meant Lenora could plan her move. Now a year later she had married her blonde principle and even got to teach at Nevermore for potions. Life being ever so perfect now, until Wednesday came. Now Leonora has no ill wishes to the child, but with Wednesday came Mortica. And that was someone Leonora would have no issues taking to her old doom room for a private chat. However, it’s not what Larissa wants so she stays just on the tail end of civil for her wife. That being said, recently Larissa has been too busy, they hardly see each other anymore so if acting up was going to get her attention then Lesso wouldn’t shy away from the challenge.

The plan was simple, she’d ignore Larissa for a while, it shouldn’t be that hard to drown herself into her marking. If all went to plan they’d be reconciling with one another before the nights out. What Leo didn’t count on was Larissa catching onto her little plan and deciding to play the red head at her own game.

From Larissa hinting at her wife it was time to head to the bedroom from the door way, to some fluffy texts promising kisses and cuddles, to some flirty texts. Leonora was staying strong. It didn’t matter that Larissa had offered what seemed to be a perfect night because Leonora had other plans. That’s when the small ding of her phone brought the woman out of thought.

“Darling🩵” would only be one person and that one person was in the room next to her, so why on earth would she be texting Leonora? A quick glance at the small screen showed and image that was simply heavenly to look at. Larissa adorning an emerald skimpy set of lace that was showing the perfect amount of skin to drive Leonora insane. The set happened to be one of her favourites on her wife. With no response came another picture, this time Larissa adorned a pale blue set which showed more than the first and a hand teasing her right bud, her face just out of view. God damn this woman and her ability to leave Leonora stunned. As her brain tried to form a witty response another text came in.

“If only I had my good little slut on her knees enjoying pleasing mommy”

“Well looks like you’re not interested so I’ll have to do the job myself dove”

Thinking nothing of her threats and a staying strong Lesso ignored all of this until another message came, only this time a video. Hitting play Lesso quickly felt her jaw drop to the floor, Larissa lay there in scraps of deep purple lace hardly covering anything, phone pointed up towards the mirrors that showed all the sinful things she was doing to herself as Lesso sat in the other room. Instinct had the red head making her way to their bedroom just as Larissa mewled out in pleasure.

Panting as she came back from her high Larissa was relieved to see her little show didn’t go to waste at all, half the battle was won, Leonora was now in the room and had turned to lock the door. Unsuspecting falling deeper into the trap Larissa had set. “Nice of you to join me darling” the blonde purred from the bed as she lazily licked her fingers that were coated with her juices.

“I-you pretty fuck” stuttered out of her wife causing a proud smirk to adorn Larissa’s lips. “If I’m so pretty darling, then you would’ve come to bed when I asked you to, instead you ignored mommy. What is the rule my girl?”

“Listen to mommy, look after myself for mommy, communicate emotions” she rambled off not knowing she’s accidentally broken more than one rule here. “And yet you broke all three didn’t you darling? You ignored me, you most certainly aren’t getting enough sleep by working yourself so hard and you definitely didn’t tell me how much the whole Addams situation is bothering you, did you?”

Silence and the slight drop in her wife’s head showed Larissa everything she needed to know. Leonora would submit, but it would be a fight as well. One that she was well prepared for. “Noting to say slut? Or did you just break these rules to get fucked?” Again silence followed so Larissa took the time to strip and tie the red head into her place of kneeling at the bedside. “I’ll get you to talk don’t you fret little girl, you know the rule? Mommy cums first”

And with that Larissa took her time to build herself back up to her height of pleasure while Leonora was forced to see everything in the mirror and listen to Larissa pleading for more. These stupid ties prevented any movement from her meaning the only way she would get to touch her wife is by backing down. Without realising it, she’d began to grind down against her heel, effectively soaking her heel and the floor at the sight of her wife riding out her second orgasm of the night.

“I thought you’d be a good girl for mommy Leo, but you’ve made a mess of my floor” Larissa mocked, “are you ready to behave now darling?”

“Fuck no! You ignored me all week! And now you think you get to remember and just try to punish me for no reason! This is fucking stupid Larissa. I didn’t do anything wrong but give you a taste of you own damn medicine, yet you get to look all sexy on the bed, a goddess at this point, while I’m just the lowly whore on my knees for you!” Lesso raged angry tears cascading down her cheeks.

“Check in”

“Emerald but”

“But what dove?”

“I’m sorry i didn’t mean that it’s just I missed you and now I-“

Larissa stood up to immediately untie her wife and settle her across her lap, face down, ass up. “Why are you here sweet girl?” She murmured rubbing slow circles on Leonora’s back. “Cause I broke rules” she muttered unhappily. “You did indeed my sweet girl, I understand why darling and we will talk about that later, but you don’t get to throw a fit like that” Larissa argued firmly before a couple of test strikes rained across Leonora’s backside. “How many love?”

“5 for each rule, I’m sorry mommy” guilt soaked her words now.

Larissa knows her wife’s body better than anyone else, knowing that it would take exactly seven strikes to have the red head ready to break, thirteen to have her broken down. So it was surprising that she began to cry out her apologises on strike ten.

“Shh sweet girl you’re done, all done, such a good girl for mommy aren’t you darling? All done now love” Larissa murmured readjusting her hiccuping wife in her lap. “Need 5 more” she whimpered causing Larissa to shake her head, “all done for that part darling okay? Check in with mommy please”

“Topaz” her voice wobbled as her sobs began to rise again, “I’m sorry mommy! I didn’t mean to make you stop early, I’m sorry I want to be good just no more spanks please.”

“No more spanks sweetheart, perhaps we can do something different instead of the 5 spanks hmm? Do you trust me Leo?”

“Mmhmm”

“Then go lay down darling get comfy in the middle of the bed I promise you’ll like this.”

Lesso quickly scurried to do as she was asked bring carful of her sore behind and waiting patiently for her wife. When Larissa reappeared to straddle her wife she uncapped a purple pen. “Five words, you don’t wash this off until mommy says so okay?” To which the woman nodded, she always loved wearing any marks Larissa left her with and purple was always so pretty on her skin. The other bonus was of course Larissa had body safe markers. Then Larissa began to write her chosen words on lesso chest stomach and thighs. “Dirty girl, “Bratty baby”, “Pretty whore”, “Mommys slut” and “Little whore” now adorned her body in Larissa’s beautiful penmanship. “Now sweet girl we are all done. Can mommy make you feel good sweetheart?” Consent given Larissa proceeded to provide the red head with the most toe curling orgasm she has ever experienced combining her fingers and little vibrator on her clit.

Next thing Leonora knew Larissa was gently cleaning her messy thighs, gently rolling the redhead over to apply cream to both ass cheeks in a generous amount before fetching a bottle of water and a small snack for them both. “My love? Do you need anything else?”

“No thank you Rissa”

“I’m sorry darling, I was rather harsh tonight, I’m sorry I haven’t been around love, I’ve missed you so much too. All I want is to spend some time with my wife but apparently this school has other ideas recently. I love you with all my heart please know that Leo” the emotion choked the blonde up causing her to go tense beneath Lesso.

“I know dearest. Thank you for tonight Rissa. And this now too, you listened to me when I used my safe words, Rissa that is everything and more and you even listened to my body when I didn’t know what I wanted. You helped me let my pent up emotions go darling, now I’m all light again. Thanks to my lovely wife. I’m okay my love I promise.”

“I hurt you Leo! I hurt my wife” Larissa sobbed attempting to turn away and curl in on herself. She didn’t know why this was happening or that Leonora was now comforting her when it should be the other way round, honestly feeling like a terrible dominant and a terrible wife.

“I’m okay darling, you helped me feel better. That’s a pretty good fucking wife to me, plus I got that sexy video and those pictures from this too. You are perfect my love and I won’t tolerate you feeling so miserable about yourself when you did nothing wrong at all. Now come my love we need cuddles and some rest okay?” With that the blonde rolled to once again hold her her wife, with minutes Leonora could feel her exhaustion taking over so with a sweet kiss and another reminder of her being okay the red head fell asleep in Larissa’s arms holding the blondes left hand just over heart in hopes of further reassuring her. Larissa took some time to reflect and just be before she joined her wife.

Word count 2056

#anon answered #v3nusxsky answers #fanfic #anon requested #lady lesso #leonora lesso #Larissa x Leonora #lady lesso x larissa #principal larissa weems #dean of evil smut #weems smut #lesso x Larissa smut #sfgae #lady leonora lesso #weems #larissa weems smut #dom larissa #sub lesso #subby lesso

66 notes · View notes

belethlegwen · 2 years

Text

The Faerie Spell - Chp 7

Chapter One: Click Here

Previous Chapter: Click Here

Story Directory: Click Here

Words: 6061

Summary: Daphne decides to take back some of her own agency after the awkward-as-hell movie night, learning that she can get away with keeping her curse-bullshit bouts a secret under certain conditions. It makes her feel good enough that she starts to finally start breaking away from her friends a bit, making more decisions for herself and even deciding to treat herself a little!

But...

Content Warning: Violence, bodily harm, fear

Since the movie-night, like I mentioned, there had been three episodes. The first one didn’t even last until morning, which made things a bit awkward. Waking up to cold chills and wondering how long it had been, scrambling with whatever I could remember to grab out to the top of the desk. I made it, but it did make me move the bed from the second floor/loft of the ‘beach bungalow’ to the ground floor.

I fell into my real bed, barely blinked my damn eyes and the sun was up before I could fully form the question of what that stupid winged bastard was getting up to at my height in the middle of the night on a Friday. Sheri had helpfully informed me at the kitchen table that I looked like shit, but it being Saturday, I just took a morning shower and went right back to nap until lunch. It, admittedly, wasn’t a huge help to my energy or my mood.

The second one had happened on Tuesday, around 10:30 or so in the morning. I was mid-zoom call with my team lead and some of my other coworkers when the feeling came over me and I managed to zonk the laptop down with me in what I personally believe was my smoothest move yet. Only one of them had even noticed something happened, and that was more because the warm waves make me sweaty-- whether from anxiety or because they’re actually that warm, I haven’t actually bothered to check-- and a little nauseous. I had almost passed it off completely, but because I hadn’t been charging the laptop all morning the battery died just a bit past lunch and I had to take a sick day for the latter half.

I had been getting warned about taking those, but I had looked at the health coverage and poured over some of the language with a personal caseworker after my accident, and ‘illnesses and afflictions’ such as mine were covered.

…Well, supposed to be, but it was still a weekly game of email-tag with HR and management to get the sick days applied properly and compensated for according to the contract, etcetera etcetera, blahblahblah.

I had forgotten that day who was free and who wasn’t, and I didn’t want to give Sheridan an excuse to dodge out of work early or something, so I just… wandered. I got into the cupboard I had been testing, I checked my new elastic-ladder situation, and realized what was so good about sunbeams. As a heads up: Giant cheetos are more trouble than they’re worth, but there’s something about giant breakfast cereal if you can get to it that really really hits.

I was honestly about to start heading back to where my phone was sitting on the desk in my room, ready to alert them that it had happened before Sheridan may have shown up and found me, when the cold chills hit and I was standing normal-sized in the hall again. Being self-sufficient felt good. Really good, honestly, and being able to just spend time by myself and do things on my own helped me plan out some things I could do to make everything easier to just… stay self-sufficient.

Mostly it involved getting a lot of things for my room. I started taking little notes in a diary, started bringing a bag full of some essentials with me from room to room so that if it hit again I’d be able to-- hopefully-- grab it before I zonked. ALWAYS making sure my phone was going in a pocket of some kind instead of being laid somewhere was a tricky one, but I had been getting better at it! By the time the next bout hit, I had improved a bunch of little, like… quality of life things for myself in terms of mobility, keeping things kind of concentrated to certain areas, that sort of deal.

I got a little bit sour that nobody noticed them before I zonked or whatever. No one seemed to care about my stupid curse or how I was actually dealing with it outside of making dumb jokes, so nobody noticed that the bookshelf dollhouse set up had gotten a little pimped out, that I had made some extra additions for like, comfort. Closest we came was when Gem popped in for dinner with us one night and she noted that I had some scraps of fabric and stuff around, things like hacky sacks or a scrap of old memory-foam from a pillow I was replacing that I had wrapped some cloth around, wondering why I wasn’t ordering more doll furniture.

I told her this was just basic stuff to ‘tide me over’ until an order came in. She had been excited about that, even though I didn’t honestly believe it was that convincing of a lie. It still wasn’t probably going to be comfortable but it was better than a lot of the doll-intended trash I had already wound up with.

I had… almost forgotten about the Gem shit entirely by this point. There were moments when it would hit again, but honestly? In my newfound independence, it didn’t bother me nearly as much and I had no interest in wanting to talk to anyone about it. Why bring it up? I was actively making it not-a-problem and that felt so good, oh my god.

The latest bout, the one that ended this morning, happened at 10:30-ish again on Tuesday, and I was sincerely hoping that whatever this bastard was up to would last the same length of time as it did the last time, but by 4:30 I was left with no real choice but to warn everybody before Sheri came home and just found me. I had gotten through the entire workday with no one noticing that my background was uh… well, bigger, but I tended to keep to a pretty vague section of my desk while on the zoom calls and such anyway, so I suppose it wouldn’t have been extremely noticeable.

Once Sheridan made it back and settled in for the night, I messaged Cal and had them come over to hang out with me in my room and even convinced them to sleep over just to get Gem off my back. We didn’t talk about the incident, but Cal and I did have a conversation about how kind of pushy Gem was about babysitting me and taking me for sleepovers when this shit happened, even when it was blatantly impractical like it was that night: she had work the next morning! Was I just going to hang out on a table in her house for 8 hours? Was I supposed to break my way out of there if the curse un-zonked me mid-way through the day? God girl, just let me sleep in my own house.

“Listen,” Cal had said as they spread out on my bed, causing the pillow I was sitting on to almost toss me into the air as their head landed on it with some force next to me. “I can’t blame her too much, you’re pretty cute like this.”

“Ugh,” I had grunted, reaching for the strap of my bag and hauling back up beside me to avoid it getting crushed, sending off my sick-leave request on my phone. “That’s the last thing I wanna hear. I just wish people would give me a fuckin’ break when I’m like this.”

“It takes you like, four years to get to a bathroom at this size, girl,” they had drawled, yawning, their hand almost hitting me as it moved to flop on the other side of me. “Only so much of a break you can get.”

“You know I’ve like, dealt with that at least a little, right?” I had asked pointedly, turning to stare at the side of their face, but it was useless. As they scoffed and made some kind of comment that unless we put litter boxes in every room ‘it wouldn’t matter’, I decided to not let them in on the details of my creative engineering.

I also decided, once again, to not complain about how touchy Gem was when Cal’s finger started to bump into me idly and repeatedly while we talked. What right did I have to complain about Gem’s handsy-ness when I was constantly smacking at Cal’s stupid fingers?

One thing I was grateful to Cal for, though, was that when I told them I could handle myself and would message them if anything went wrong, they believed me enough to head out to work the next morning without trying to call in Mak or Gem. Even agreed to send a dummy-message in the afternoon that they were heading home so it looked like I’d only be home alone for maybe an hour before Sheri got back. Sheri had even made sure Hannibal wasn’t going to do his morning run, though it was pretty unnecessary. One of my quality-of-life upgrades I finally caved to was a couple of sets of earplugs.

I had run clean out of those USB-charger battery packs by the time me and Sheri had finished dinner, so she had suggested we just watch TV together while I gave my phone a break. It was honestly a nice night, like I had said; she was pretty good about listening to me when I said it’s easier for me to watch from the back of the couch, or at least the armrest, and aside from the quick warnings before being grabbed and moved everywhere she was alright to get along with.

The rest of the group chat… not so much. When I mentioned my phone was dying, Gem told me she was absolutely going to take the time off of work tomorrow and come get me so someone was ‘actually taking care of me’ while I was still zonked, Mak asked me why I didn’t just keep all of my old phones charged as back-ups because they don’t need SIM cards to use the WiFi and I was going to be home all the time anyway, Cal saying instead that they’d call in for their shift tomorrow afternoon if I was still zonked and come hang with me at my place, which just started an argument with Gem…

When I was grabbing my bag and everything just a bit before 5am and sleepily dragging my ass out of the bungalow, I can not begin to express how god-damn relieved I was. I plugged my phone in and sent off a message to the chat that I was big again, everything was fine, and then just collapsed for a few more hours of sleep. By 7, everyone had seen and was… well, they all said they were happy to hear, but I was getting more and more suspicious of Gem’s level of honesty.

So, I hope that’s a pretty clear explanation of why I decided, at around 9am, to drive myself into town to run some very minor, personal errands and just enjoy myself without letting anyone know.

Like, the house-keeping was done and getting done! I plugged in all of my chargers at home, phone was back to full charge by the time I was up, set up my laptop to charge… My sick-leave was still in place, though I had told the crew that I was thinking of letting them know that I was good to work again when I first was re-embiggened or whatever before dawn. I decided against it because after Sheridan had left for work it just kind of hit me that… I missed doing shit on my own.

It hit me that I hated the idea of trying to ask if one of them could schedule some time with me to get my haircut, or that the only one who ever really seemed down for a nice coffee-and-chat like I used to have was Gem because everyone else was busy or was worried I’d zonk or something.

I also, also… kind of wanted to try out some of the other magic shops around town. I had been doing research, but every time I brought it up around the gang, they all got really squirrelly about it; even Gem, who was always saying she knew someone or knew someone who knew someone who was in the magic underground scene or what-have-you. Like, we were all super ignorant about magic stuff, me and Cal almost especially because of our, uh…

Well lets just say that our respective upbringings required a lot of very intense unlearning in order for Cal to be able to be themself, and for me to just… get along with other people, especially people like Cal.

We don’t go home to visit family often, is what I’m saying. If my family knew I had been cursed by magic they would probably say it was because I was ‘giving into sinful urges’ or something. Then they’d ask if I had a boyfriend yet. You know how that shit gets.

I won’t lie, I had been putting off showing my face around like… known magic gigs since the Witch had flipped her lid at me, but I figured if I just went in and asked, and just didn’t tell them I was cursed or whatever maybe they wouldn’t like… try to read it or whatever the fuck that sour old bitch did that told her I was somehow in cahoots with a Faerie. My real issue was that no one else was going to do it for me though, so I figured just… nosing around for new charms wouldn’t kill me?

I mean, I was at no risk. I had gotten a minimum of almost four days between bouts at the shortest since this had all started, and it ended this morning. All I wanted was to feel normal, and I had already proven to myself in at least a dozen ways that I can handle myself way better than the others wanted to believe. So… I drove into town, parked the car at my workplace lot because I still had my pass and it was pretty close to everything I wanted to do, and then walked into a salon to get my hair finally dealt with.

I kept it long enough that I could just keep it in a bun, hopefully no one would notice immediately, but I figured, hey! If I can go a few days without anyone figuring it out, I could let Cal in on the secret. They could appreciate a good bit of friendly espionage like that, we always liked doing that kind of thing.

God, it was so nice to just… sit in a chair and chat with a hair stylist again. It was nice to just be out, with people I didn’t know, just acting like a person again! I went window shopping, I stopped into a little cafe I had never been in before and got myself this neat little herb-and-cheese danish thing and a really really fancy coffee from them-- literally just told them what my favourite flavours were, said I wanted something hot and fancy, and the barista looked like they could die they were so happy to build me something custom. They even wrote it down after I tried it and loved it in case I wanted to order it again!

I was just wandering around the downtown area, bopping along to tunes and taking a ton of pictures of things that I never realized I missed so much. I was waving to people, saying hi and smiling…

Did you ever notice that you used to be someone, and that you just… hadn’t been that person in a while? It was weird. It was so weird to become that person again so naturally, so easily, and see how badly I had missed it. Even before the stupid curse I just hadn’t been doing much of any kind of socializing outside of the crew because I was just so busy all the time with work, and I mean, after the bullshit with my ex it wasn’t like I was trying to hit the town and find a new mistake to make, so…

I had been bringing up Google maps so much to find out where anything I might wanna visit might be that my phone was already on half-charge, so it was going to be a pretty short trip out into the real world. I wasn’t too upset, honestly my anxiety was high enough in the car originally that I was thinking I’d just do the haircut and get back home ASAP, but once the sunlight and fresh air hit me… damn I really did love it.

My legs also felt they could walk me clear out of town and back if I wanted, too, which was a fun little benefit. Walking to the nearest charm shop and then back to the car would be easy, and I still had like half of my very-fancy-coffee drink with me to keep me company.

I was already making plans to come back tomorrow, my eyes looking at a gorgeous little outdoor seating area outside a restaurant, a little wrought-iron fence and some bushes, under the sidewalk trees. There were a few couples, some loners, and even a couple of moms with their below-school-aged kids with them enjoying an early lunch, and it just looked so wonderful. I stopped at the little wooden sign with today’s specials on it, trying to glance around the area to see if there was a waiter or someone I could ask about seeing a full menu, when I felt the sun break through the trees.

God, what a beautiful day. Why didn’t I do this more? Why did I just let myself be scared, let my friends try to run my life like I needed to be wrapped in bubble wrap all the time? What was so terrifying about being out here on such a gorgeous day?

The alarm on my phone started to go off, reminding me that if I had been at work, there was a zoom meeting due about one of my team’s projects happening in a half hour. It was loud and obnoxious, and I felt myself flush at the embarrassment of having some random video-game noise from the 90s start blasting out in the middle of such a nice public spot. I heard high-pitched, squealy giggles as I pulled it out of my pocket and hit the shut-off button, sighing.

Then I caught my reflection on the screen as it changed back to black.

I caught the look of myself, sweat beading on my head, and realized that the sun had never broken through the trees around me.

“That fucker--” I managed, somewhere between panic and rage, before the rush of air and massive bout of nausea sent me to my knees instantly on the extremely rough concrete. My coffee spilling on the ground as I slammed the paper cup against it.

I vomited. I couldn’t help it. I vomited and scrambled to my feet as fast as possible, ready to start screaming if anything came near-- the three times this had happened outdoors, the massive feeling of being so exposed so suddenly, with no walls and no ceiling, had hit like a ton of bricks and this was absolutely no different. At least there weren’t any pigeons around this time, I guess.

To my left was the wrought-iron fence and the side of one of the bushes that decorated it. The folding menu-sign with the specials chalked up on it was just slightly further, and was also likely to get too many eyes. I darted, running sloppily toward the fence and the bush instead, my hand diving into the pocket with my stones in it and hauling them out.

I could barely keep myself upright; between the nausea and the panic, I was barely breathing around my heart feeling like it was literally sitting at the back of my god damn tongue. I was swearing, that was the only way I could think to get air out of me between terrified gulps of air. Between my shaking hands, I was able to finally grab the stone that had the minor-invisibility charm and after stammering twice, activated it. That helped, a little. It would at least keep the birds from finding me if there were any bumming around the restaurant tables looking for scraps.

The charm was basically one of those that kept eyes from landing on you if someone wasn’t specifically looking for you, or you weren’t drawing specific attention to yourself. I never had to use it much between never leaving the house and always winding up in a pocket or a purse when I did and zonked, but that just made me happier knowing that it had a lot of charge.

My mind was racing as I slipped it back into my pocket and moved to the next stone. I had nothing with me, nothing but the stones which were always in my pockets out of habit, my phone, and my wallet which was useless at this size. My bag was at home, but even if I had it all of the chargers were out and plugged in, the only thing in it now was a chocolate bar, spare pajamas and earplugs. I was going to need to tell someone that I had left the house, that I was basically somewhere downtown, try and send the geolocation and just… hunker down and hope nothing ate me until they got here. It was going to have to be Cal. Their shift wasn’t until later in the afternoon, they might not have left yet… they might not be awake but they’d be my safest bet with the least amount of yelling, at least immediately.

Next charm I wanted to use was the protection stone, it helped with bumps and falls, and even helped-- at least a little-- with the crew grabbing me if they were a little more rough about swinging me around. It was like magic padding. I was going to need it if I was going to be trying to climb things out in the wild and hiding under stuff, waiting for Cal to come get me. Massive feet were stomping past on the sidewalk between the little fenced-off garden eating area and the actual wall of businesses that seemed like they were towering skyscrapers blocks away from this height, and I wanted to puke all over again at how heavy they felt even on the concrete. My stomach churned and I couldn’t bring myself to get the spell-word out while I was gagging over the thought that maybe I’d need to find someone, a stranger, to try and talk to to keep me safe until I could get rescued by one of the gang.

I had just gotten the shield spell activated, shoving it back into my pocket with the unactivated speaking-stone as I was determined to not talk to anyone, to not draw any attention to myself whatsoever while I was like this, waiting for my blood to heat up and un-curdle again, when suddenly everything around my chest went tight.

Bone-crushingly tight.

My eyes dropped down from the roofs of the buildings instantly to see fingers across my front as my feet were yanked into the air, kicking and flailing as my lower half was completely free-- dangling with a thumb pressing painfully into my back.

I screamed.

I screamed, and whatever was behind me let out a squealing screech of delight so loud I went temporarily deaf in both ears.

I was being flung around, up and down in wide arcs as the squealing noise continued, barely fading back in as my hearing came back and was blasted away again by another insane bout of noise. The grip tightened again and the fingers shifted up against my neck as I almost slipped in another wild shake. My vision was nothing but colors and stars, the stone keeping my bones from breaking but everything still hurt.

My only reaction was to throw my face forward and bite, and bite hard.

The reaction was instant. The fucker screamed so loud every bone in my body vibrated to the point I was worried my joints would just fall apart, and my eyes shook-- not that they were any good to me in the moment before that-- but my body hit the ground from what felt like falling off the roof of a house, and I had no time to actually care about how badly I might be hurt. Feet and hands pushed me off of the ground and I scrambled as fast I could manage, practically on all fours for the first half of it, running toward the safety of the bush.

My eyes glanced behind as my hearing started to come back through the most intense ringing I’d ever had, my whole head throbbing-- my whole body throbbing-- and saw the frankly massive child clutching it’s finger while it wailed, tears streaking down it’s face as its mother swept in like a moving building to see what had happened. I turned back to the bush and dove into the leaves and branches, the bluntly-cut ends of wood jabbing into my body as I tried desperately to scratch my way inside to almost no effect.

I tasted blood. I had no idea if it was mine, or if I had managed to actually hurt the kid.

How the fuck could this happen?! I had the stone activated, the kid shouldn’t have fucking seen me, shouldn’t have even noticed me after it was on. God, unless the kid had heard my phone going off and was already watching when it all happened… fuck.

There was a searing pain against my leg that I finally clued into as air was finally going back in and out of my lungs, my stupid battered body trying to wriggle around this bush to get completely out of the child’s view, but from the stupid babbling it was making I was terrified-- I knew it was going to try and come back and look for me. The searing pain was literally that-- searing. The protection stone was so hot I almost thought it might be burning me, it must not be meant to work that hard, that fast.

It was cooling, at least, but still-- now I was terrified of how much of it’s charge that stupid kid had used trying to fling me around like garbage. My chest was heaving, and all my brain kept telling me to do was run, and run as far as I could. A gap finally opened in the overly-manicured branches, a tight tunnel of sharp and poking twigs twisted around that looked like they came out the other side near the bottom of one of the street-side trash cans. I might be able to fit under that, if I could get there fast enough.

The thumping and rumbling of footsteps all around me-- someone was dragging their steel chair across the bricks just alongside the stupid topiary-divider I was trying to scramble my way through like a rat and it cut through the other ringing in my ears like something was jamming dentistry tools inside my skull-- was enough to make me want to vomit again. I was doing a good job at holding that back until I finally broke free of the bush and moved to make a dart for the cover of the trashcan, my sleeve snagged on one of the jagged-cut branches I had pushed past.

“Come on just let me go!” I screamed, turning to yank at it before a rush of air caused me to yell again, ducking and pressing myself back into the greenery while another insane amount of noise rocked my world so hard it knocked the wind out of me.

“Fuckin’ hell, you can’t aim for shit,” a booming voice laughed mockingly as another voice so deep I felt my ribcage vibrate swore back at him. I had almost been crushed by an empty glass bottle, and my thoughts that I was ‘soooooo lucky’ it hadn’t shattered evaporated into my panicked grunting and yelling as I tried to claw my way back into the bush, legs and feet suddenly stepping around the corner and a colossal hand practically slammed down on top of the bottle to grab it.

The leaves and whole bush shifted as the towering body crashed into it sideways, and I shut my eyes, forcing my body as much as I physically could back against the blunt and jabbing ends of the branches that were refusing me entry back into the cover and safety of the stupid plant. The two gigantic idiots were getting into a shoving-match and I was maybe seconds away from getting stepped on, my teeth gritting through the ringing, the pounding, the throbbing of every single part of my head and a significant amount of my body.

“Fuck off ya moron,” one of them shouted and as quickly as they had been there they were gone, their footsteps thudding further and further away as they kept bantering in their rumbling voices. My eyes opened again and I gasped for air.

I hate this. Why did I fucking do this? It wasn’t worth it.

The thought of that massive, unknown hand grabbing me instead of that bottle pushed me over the edge, and I hurled up what little was left in my guts into the bushes again. That fancy coffee probably wasn’t a huge help to my nerves right now, but I was still sad to feel like it had all gone to waste, especially with the thought that I was never going to be able to get one again.

Someone was getting up from a seat in the restaurant area-- god how huge was this place?! It felt like I had been running for miles, for fuck’s sake! As their chair scraped across the ground again I saw them gathering up their trash and turning in my direction, my body scrambling on some primal urge to get out of any potential line of sight. I had no trust now that the stupid invisibility stone was working, or had ever worked. My eyes closed again out of some childish fucking instinct to believe that if I couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see me, and I just had to tremble and try not pathetically cry as their steps got closer and closer and I heard the ridiculous amount of noise of them tossing their garbage away.

Their movements had stopped. Nothing was happening. I had to have been spotted, I must’ve been-- I could hardly hear anything over the sounds of my own breathing now turning into panicked whimpers as I could practically feel them crouching low, staring at me, reaching a hand toward my body to grab me and haul me into the air. I bit my lip so hard I was sure I was bleeding as I imagined that child again, thrashing me around and throwing me through the air.

Then, with a massive wave of relief, they were thumping and stomping away, their voice rumbling into me as they spoke something into their phone, a buzzing conversation coming through the earpiece somewhere high, high above me.

I untangled myself from the bush and lined up alongside it, crouching low. I was so dizzy… would the stone protect me from a concussion? I really should’ve gotten more details about the charms, but I was so nervous about being in there and-- fuck, there’s no time to think about this.

The store directly across from me-- was it the restaurant? Was it another store entirely? How far had I been thrown or flung or whatever had happened? How far had I run? It didn’t matter-- it had a slight outcropping of its brick face, where the main window was, and it left a little protected overhang above the street at least twice my height by the looks of it. There was some garbage that had been blown underneath and seemed pretty well protected from sight and everything else. I get there, I duck and cover and hide.

I was finally hauling my phone out of my pocket to send a geo-lock to Cal, when the massive bush behind me started to shake, the voice of the child and its mom having gotten closer. Was the kid still looking for me? Was the mom looking for whatever rat or bug just bit their kid? I bolted, it was the only move I could really make. They wouldn’t see me over there, they wouldn’t be able to catch me.

I was so preoccupied with them, that I was blasting my way across the gargantuanly-wide sidewalk before I realized that I didn’t account for traffic. A foot slammed down to my left about 20 feet away--to me--, not close enough to worry about but heavy enough to shake me and cause me to yell as I kept running, weaving uselessly… No one lifts their feet enough to miss me, everybody is always nearly scuffing their shoes. I’m constantly at risk of getting bodied by hovering cars and I never noticed before now.

I couldn’t bring my eyes to move anywhere but my goal, even though I knew I was basically running across a 12-lane highway or something stupid. They were all moving so fast, all I had to do was get across this stupid sidewalk, under that ledge, and I’d be fine. Nothing would be able to hit me there, nothing could fall on me… that was it, that’s where I had to go.

I felt a foot land so close behind me I almost stumbled, my hands falling forward to push myself off the pavement and try to fling me forwards, my phone bonking off of the pavement in its case and I didn’t even care as I just held it tighter and kept running. I was so fucking close.

There was a rush of air and, on its own, my head turned to see a foot slam down with such force I felt almost like I was sent hovering from the shock it sent through the pavement. The motion of what it was attached to was so much faster, the shape so different-- I never thought of what someone would even look like while they were running from down here, when they were damn-near 60 feet tall or something.

There was nothing I could do.

My own stride had me lined up directly in the path.

The top of their shoe, the rubber-cased toe, the laces… it smashed into me and knocked every ounce of breath I may have ever taken out of my lungs, and I was pressed into it so hard I thought I’d become a part of it.

Until, suddenly…

…I wasn’t.

My arms uselessly tried to grip it, beyond the last second, noticing too late what was happening as the shoe started to lower out from under me but I was still going, arcing through the air. The stone in my pocket really, honestly felt like it was burning this time, and as I sailed through some kind of railing, the ground dropped out from under me. Now, instead of being maybe 10-15 feet in the air, I was probably 40 or more over the concrete stairwell I had flown into, rapidly descending.

I’m sure I was screaming. I must’ve been, because some kind of noise in me stopped as my back slammed into stone and I felt the hot rock in my pocket shatter against me like it had exploded, the only thing keeping it from flying out like shrapnel being the lining and my jeans.

It was like a stupid movie, everything in slow motion as I was plastered against that wall, gravity slowly pulling my limp body forward. As my eyes landed hazily on the ground below, bare concrete surrounded by trash bags and garbage, my phone fell out of my hand.

The last thing I thought before everything went black was:

Will my body stay this small once I’m dead? Will they ever find it?

-----------

Next Chapter: Click Here

#Daphne's Curse #The Faerie Spell #whump #Listen #LISTEN #I do legitimately feel terrible for what this poor girl is going through #It's been rough time after rough time and every time she thinks things are looking up... well #Worried I should be tagging this story as whump but hhhhhhh #Not sure how I feel on that but I'll do it anyway so:#Things are going to get better for her in the future #I know it to be true #But we're going about that a little differently than we have been so there'll maybe be a bit of a hiatus #It's also the Christmas rush and my job is insane (as many are this time of year)#g/t #giant/tiny #gt #giant tiny #g/t writing #g/t story #giant/tiny writing #giant/tiny story #g/t author #gtauthor #God if Daphne ever gets her hands on that faerie it's gonna be a bad time for the bastard #I promise you all that Daphne will be getting the comfort she deserves and has deserved and needed this entire time #It is coming #Love you all #thank you so much for reading #Sorry about the 100000 tags I don't even know if folks read these if they ain't on reblogs but #here we are

19 notes · View notes

eggs-can-draw · 1 year

Note

First, I bring the sneak peek

this master post is being made by a person who has a monster energy drink cans hung above their bed as a pride flag (the 8 colors version), I get to make it an eyesore (would make anything rainbow if given the opportunity to do so)

I am going for chronological events over chronological posting, definitely not done adding subcategories there, I know The Horrors will include Live Parents Reaction section and the alt ch 3 section. Speaking of which. I have an oumatsu question, I mentioned in the tags while reblogging the fic you wrote for Shuichi and Kokichi. Or more like multiple, is the alt ch 3 canon to the AU timeline or is it a what if? In the fic that I will be writing, would you rather I be evil and made their confession during a very emotional (crying & more crying & hugging) ch3 moment or be nice and do it after Kokichi wakes up in a soft kind of tender moment with a proper conversation (the Shuichi plan) they're going to have either way happening as part of the confession? Unrelated question, but did you reblog the outfit kitties just bc they're cute or are you doing the drawing meme? I just think Raspberry has Kaede vibes all over it, Kokichi would look good in Lilly Pilly Berry and Shuichi could match them in being pink as Strawberry or Pine berry, but like, I already visualized them in my head so no pressure if you weren't going to be taking requests on that. If I could get one request of them, I'd rather get this one I've had since last night, it's something I am going to put in the fic so it'd be an illustration basically.

post-game cuddle pile, Kokichi's old cat (10 years old at this point) sleeps above their heads, Kokichi himself is sprawled on top of the two of them, basically on Shuichi, would be listening to his heartbeat if they weren't asleep, but with an arm and a leg thrown over Kaede, who's snuggled up to Shuichi's side, it's Summer and they're in a sunbeam, so the blanket is nearly fully kicked of, tangled between their legs. They weren't supposed to have that sleepover, but Shuichi had a nightmare and when they checked on the groupchatTM after he calmed down it turned out Kaede was awake too, so they texted her to come over, knowing that none of them would be able to go back to sleep on their own.

It doesn't have to be today or under this ask, if you don't have time for drawing when you see it, I need answers for questions more.

Last bit: them playing house as kids and having all those weird ideas about what a normal family is like because as little kids they have no idea their parents are... pretty unique. Only in funny ways, tho. Like, I just imagined that as opposed to Kokichi's mind blown Kaede's reaction to polyamory was just like "that's how things are, I am going to have that in my future" and she makes a drawing of that future, explaining it to Mikan "this is my husband A, cooking dinner, and this is my husband B cleaning, and I am on tour playing piano like a girlboss", M: Hmm... A girlboss? Did Monaca teach you that word? K: Yes, when I learned playing that pop song to make an original TikTok soundtrack for her last week, it's not a bad word right? M: It's not, but... what song? K: Uhhh, the Boss... girl song. Or like "So which one of you is the one that gets a lobotomy?" type beat

Phwoof this is a biggun get ready for WORMS

YOOOOOO THATS SUPER COOL DUDE!! I like how organized it is that’s so fucking dope my dude <- (is going to be thinking about this for the next few hours)

QUESTION TIME:

✨ The alt ch3 is canon it scratches my brain too much

✨HONESTLY EITHER WOULD PROBABLY MAKE EMOTIONAL

✨ honestly it was a mix of both lol, cute fruity kittties and if anyone wants I can draw fruity blorbos lol

✨ALSO IVE GOT YOUR REQUESTS SCREENSHOTTED AND ILL GET TO THEM ASAP (which means I’ll probably thumbnail it during work and get started after work lol)

ALSO ALSO I LOVE THEM HAVING DIFFERENT TAKES ON WHAT A “NORMAL” FAMILY IS LMAO. I kinda like the thought of Kokichi’s polyamory realization being that you can just have more than one parent lol

They’re silly funky

#eggs can answer #monster energy drink pride flag is fucking awesome #kokichi ouma #shuichi saihara #kaede akamatsu #oumatsu #MORE TAGS LATER

13 notes · View notes

arkhampsych · 2 years

Text

“ 𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑𝐒 ” 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐍.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐄 … the outside 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞. jonathan crane. 𝐞𝐲𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐫. powder blue. 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞 / 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐫. dark brown short — medium length hair, with a fringe and middle part. 𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭. 5 ’ 7 ” 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞. professional. suit, button up, sweater, tie, slacks and dress shoes. his apparel is neat, balanced, and patterned. 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞. lips or eyes.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎 … the inside 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬. vulnerability. being striped of power and control. failure. losing his research. losing touch with reality. illness. rejection. intimacy. “ demons. ” he is both fascinated and wary of bats and insects associated with decay ( larvae, diptera / muscidae / tabanidae, several subspecies of coleoptera, roaches, centipedes, etc … ). 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞. reading texts written on historical medicine and dated treatments prescribed to resolve physical and mental illness. classic horror novels. 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐯𝐞. having to repeat or explain himself. being confronted. being ignored. Ignorance. denial. being called “ a shrink. ” nicknames or name - calling. being touched. small talk. ethics. 𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞. originally, his ambition was to cure fear. now, his primary motivation is power, and maintaining that through manipulating fear. though still working on developing a cure, he is more interested in having the ability to keep an individual sane or render them insane. If he were to synthesize an inoculation against fear, he would use it to gain acclaim, status, and ownership of arkham asylum.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 … thoughts 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩. whatever objective he’s planned to accomplish that day. 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭. experimentation. scarecrow. 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐝. every night he has to determine whether or not to take medication before sleeping. he takes into account the poor quality of sleep he receives without medication and potential grogginess he might feel the next morning after using tranquilizers or sleeping pills. his decision is dependent on when he expects to wake, giving himself time to get ready and arrive at work. 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲. Intellect. It allows him to adapt, find opportunity, anticipate another’s intentions, and detect insecurity.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 … what’s better 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐯𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬. single. 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲 𝐎𝐑 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬. brains. 𝐝𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐎𝐑 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐬. dogs.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 … do you 𝐥𝐢𝐞. often. he lies to conceal his intentions, thoughts, and feelings. 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟. yes. 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨��𝐞. no. 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞. no. he’s content by himself. every once in a while he grows curious about what it would be like to share his work or life with another but inevitably, he grows tired of others and finds comfort in being alone.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐗 … ever been 𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐞. no. 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐬. yes. 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧. no. he would rather be skilled and intelligent as an outcast than sell himself short to avoid being seen.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 … favorites 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐫. a dusty blackish - brown. 𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐥. crow, bat, or spider. 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞. repulsion ( 1965 ). antichrist ( 2005 ). the possession ( 1981 ). 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞. he has little patience for recreational games. however, he finds entertainment watching others try to unravel his schemes. crane quite literally enjoys, mind games.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 … age 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐛𝐞. thursday, november 16, 2023. 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞. twenty seven. 𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲. nineteen. 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫. contextually. more often than not he emphasizes the importance of emotional maturity.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄 … in person 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲. someone intelligent, trustworthy, diligent, level - headed, and independent. an individual with their own responsibilities and original ideas. 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐲𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐫. hazel. 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐫. black. 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫. share a space together. work side by side. have a meaningful conversation.

𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 … ’ 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞: — inflicting terror on those who challenge me. ’ ’ 𝐢 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥: — unbalanced. ’ ’ 𝐢 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐞: — my true face from those who are not my victim. ’ ’ 𝐢 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬: — being in control. ’ ’ 𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡: — to be feared by all. ’

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘. @deathpreserved. thank you ! 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆. @taissakingston, @elisethetraveller, @pessimistics, @spirit-x-ing, @pistoiet, @banschivs, @masquenoire, @jokethur, @batfall, @metalwings, @zloslwy.

#𝚈𝙾𝚄’𝚁𝙴 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝙵𝙴𝙰𝚁… (𝚍𝚊𝚜𝚑 𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚎)#𝚂𝙴𝙲𝚁𝙴𝚃𝚂 𝙾𝙵 𝚂𝙲𝙰𝚁𝚈 𝙿𝙴𝙾𝙿𝙻𝙴. (𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗)

17 notes · View notes

pacifierbby · 30 days

Text

* ੈ✩‧₊ THE CEOS ASSISTANT

* ੈ✩‧₊ Landos' dad has taken ill rather quickly, and everyone in the Norris enterprise knows about it. Some are upset that they won't get a perfect boss like he was, but some are more sceptical about who the Norris Enterprises are taking on to be the boss of this place. Everyone asked Lilly, the CEO's assistant, but like she told everyone, she didn't know. It wasn't until Monday came around, everyone at their desk doing their work, when a man came in very nicely dressed in a black suit with a Rolex on the left wrist. Lilly had seen this man before, but where? It was when he only got closer that she knew it was Mr. Norris, son. Will there be hatred during her time working with lando or will there be something more between them?

୨ৎ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 LN4 x female

୨ৎ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 swearing, slight toxicity , rude lando, kissing , sexual innuendos.

୨ৎ 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 1,840

- 𝑴𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 -

CHAPTER TWO: ̗̀➛ slowly waking up from the sun that was appearing through the blinds that you had forgotten to shut last night softly getting up from the comfort of your bed not really wanting to see Lando today knowing he will instantly be on your mind but like you said he his just your boss and you don't really do relationships with work colleagues. You will forever keep that promise to yourself.

Taking a small swig of your cup of tea to fuel your energy for the day that is planned ahead scroll down on your laptop looking through your diary making small notes in your booklet people say you are over the top with planning. Still, you just call it being well organised some love it some hate it., you're not really bothered you know when to catch up on paperwork or what paperwork needs filing with all the sticky notes that are on your board in your office and you do love it that way Mr Norris always said one day you be a good CEO of your own building with all these organisation skills you just laughed. Still, he knew that it made his life a little easier with the small things you do.

"Here's your daily iced coffee" Stephanie spoke placing the Starbucks cup on her desk when she saw you walking through the glass doors "Thanks love" "Oh and Mr Norris is going to be slightly late today he had something brought up at home" sighing a little knowing that you won't see Mr Norris for a bit "well I hope Mr Norris is okay" Stephanie nodding her head worried about her old boss but she didn't miss Lilly small relaxing sigh "we need to talk later" winking at her Lilly giving her a confused look "well see you at lunch".

settling everything down at her desk the notice board slowly became less and less full however the stacks of paper on her table weren't sighing sitting on her chair she might as well go through these damn papers if Mr Norris isn't even here yet wanting to shoot whoever keeps putting these papers on her desk like this instead off putting them in alphabetical order her floor surrounded with paperwork with plastic wallets on the side and a paper case ready to be stored. Pausing with annoying knocking like the police are about to raid the place quickly opening the door Lando stood with an annoying look on his face his hands crossed around his chest "I've been knocking on this door for 5 minutes are you deaf?" laughing at his dumb comment "no I'm sorting these stupid papers since someone placed them on my desk messily" copying his body language Lando rolling his eyes moving his eyes to the floor pointing "well clean that mess and meet me at my office we need to talk" wanting to shut the door in his face but you have morals, unlike that prick. Lando leaves you standing at your office door huffing taking a quick breather grabbing your laptop from your desk leaving your so-called mess for later.

Banging on his office door two people can play that game you thought hearing the annoying come in opening the door to Mr Norris sitting on the edge of his desk his shirt rolled up to his elbows gulping a little "What did you need to talk about Mr Norris" Lando looking over from his papers "we have an important meeting however it is not in the UK" nodding a little confused because your old boss never took you to other parts of the countries for his meetings "okay but what's this in for me your dad never took me to the abroad meetings I have always done the back work" Mr Norris stood up walking slightly in front off you feeling the body heat onto you making you step back a little "well how my father worked and I how I work is completely different and I need you to write down notes also Mr Neville is bringing his assistant" nodding.

however, you did meet Mr Neville once. He brought a weird vibe towards you but something that you didn't dare to tell your old boss knowing it was one of his big contracts. "where is it" you spoke softly "'We're going to Spain tonight" "Tonight!" you began to say "but I don't finish here till 7. I need to pack" Lando shrugged "We're only staying for 3 days in my villa" There's his dickhead attitude again. Of course, he's got a bloody villa in Spain bet his daddy brought it for him "I'll pick you up tonight at 10 o clock please don't be late you now may carry on with the rest of the day today's meetings has been cancelled Stephanie done that for us" annoyed that he went behind your back and asked the admin to do your work but I guess he saved you the time. You now know why he was late the fucker was packing for tonight not even bothering to email you anything about this three-day trip.

Walking into the dining room Stephanie sat in the back away from the rest of their colleagues for "this talk" Sitting down Stephanie gave you another iced tea this girl differently knows how to make your day even better "Well" she began "Well what" sipping your tea " you and Mr Norris" shaking your head "god no he's a prick he has no respect for women" shuddering even thinking about the subject "well what was with that relaxing sigh from before then Lilly I'm sorry but I'm not daft but you defiantly have some sort of feelings for that hotty" sighing "alright maybe I do have tiny little feelings but he's annoying do you know we're going to Paris tonight he didn't even email me about any of it like a boss should do you know that I need to be organised" she started laughing about your organisation habit "and the fact he told you to cancel meetings I mean I'm his assistant I don't know when admins tend to that stuff" Stephanie put her hands up "hey he told me to do it when he walked in this morning couldn't exactly say no but feel sorry for you when you do cancel meetings you get nothing but shouted at by his assistant" laughing nodding at that sore subjects "part of being the assistant" Stephanie taking a sip of her drink "when do you leave anyway" looking up from messing with your cup " tonight" you softly spoke " tonight!" she shouted a little louder than she should " shhh that's exactly what I said" "but you don't have enough time to even pack you leave here at 7" agreeing "that's all that I said Stephanie frowned "now i understand why you keep calling him a prick how about i come to your tonight and help you pack ill bring the wine " laughing nodding "that would help me a lot "well I've got to go back now Steph but see you tonight " looking down at your watch standing up "see you later love" waving to you.

The day went quicker than you thought you finally finished with the supposed mess all put away in the correct files you even answered emails that had been in your inbox for what seemed like months However you didn't get to see Lando for the rest of the day usually he's in and out of your office finding something to moan about or giving you more god damn paperwork to go through. so you were slightly thankful for that

Turning off your PC for the night grabbing your coat and bag from the coat hanger placed in the corner of the room Making sure everything was safely locked away since you won't be here for a week turning the lights off closing the office door behind you.

Quickly turning around accidentally hitting your bag on something hard "Ow" the man shouted lightly "watch where you swing that bloody thing" gulping a little "Sorry Mr Norris didn't expect you to be behind me" turning around and facing Lando "Well I was coming to your office to see if you want a lift to your house since its 7 o clock and we need to get to the airport at 9" you just nodded since it was the only kind gesture he actually given you this week. He probably won't let you live it down that you accidentally hit him with a bag but I guess you've wanted to hit the smug smile off his face when he says something rude and the fact that you hit him accidentally gives you little brownie points to yourself "why you smirking" Lando spoken up watching you closely in the lift mirror "oh nothing" dropping the smirk not even wanting to discuss about the thoughts that you had in your mind he just nodding not wanting to continue on with the conversation any longer making you sigh in relief thankful that he didn't get anything out of you like he usually did.

The car ride home was silent the radio playing quietly in the background Neither you nor Lando spoke a peep to each other since the lift scenario "So I see you later then?" Lando just nodded parking up outside your house. noticing the lights were on telling you that Stephanie was in "I'll text you before leaving my house, see you later" You nodded. softly closing the passenger door and waving to Lando watching him drive away Lando did not even bother to watch you get in your house sighing you can only dream girl.

The packing was a lot easier with Stephanie's help and of course with the wine. Both off you settled on the couch the suitcase near the door not even thinking about it anymore "So will you ever see you and Lando off something more" spitting your drink out a little "Uh what.." you began to speak "You know exactly what I said Lilly " looking down at the wine glass something interesting at the moment " well I don't really know Steph he puts this rude attitude on and I don't really get it likes he's hiding his real true self I get it he's my boss and he has to be firm sometimes but is there any point of the dickhead that he actually throws at me" Steph nodded understanding "like he his a good looking lad sad the rude energy just ruins it. but you're right Steph even though I just met this man I can't help but fall for him but I know he's my boss and I forever keep my promise that workers and relationships will stay separate" Looking at Steph's shocked face quite surprised that you even confessed "well no more wine for you tonight your confessing way too much" both of you laughing however neither of you are aware that Lando heard everything from the front door.

𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 ✧˖*°࿐ @sltwins , @eloriis

121 notes · View notes

starvingtongue · 9 months

Note

whats the day in the life of paine look like? is her weekday schedule different from her weekend? does she schedule at all or is it more sporadic?

I feel like Paine's schedule is the most sporadic out of all my muses. This isn't to say she doesn't like planning things out, but she's been either nomadic in nature (see the time she spent between getting shot by Nooj and joining the Gullwings or after the events of X-2) or been told where to go and when at a moments notice (see the Crimson Squad or the Gullwings), so she's adapted more towards the sporadic nature of things rather than scheduling everything. She doesn't really separate out her weekdays with her weekends, mainly due to the nature of her work, and she'll take breaks and days off as and when she finds the time. Her work is mostly freelance after all. She tries to take on one job at a time, liking to take her time to fully see it through to completion and that she doesn't miss any details.

Some mornings moving quicker or slower than others, depending on where she's going. If she doesn't have to be anywhere quickly, she'll wake up early, have a coffee and a quick breakfast, she'll do a small workout, make sure her weapons and dresspheres are all in order. She'll typically make sure her sword is sharpened and clean in the evenings, after the days work has been done, but sometimes she'll do this in the mornings in the instance she was busy the night before. This is also the same for if she doesn't have any work to do. She'll still get up early, she's not one to have a lay in very much, have a light breakfast, maybe do a little bit of a longer work out, spend more time going over her weaponry, maybe read a little bit of whatever she's ready at the time, train and keep her skills sharp.

She likes a drink too, and will sometimes frequent a bar alone, maybe watch a bit of blitzball if the bar is showing any current games. While usually she'll spend this time to relax, it's also a surprisingly good way of picking up information on if people are having trouble with a particular fiend or there's an interesting sphere in the area. She doesn't actively seek this out, but sometimes she'll catch a word or two of an interesting conversation and investigates. She likes tinkering with bits and pieces of machina if she can, though she doesn't find too much time to do it, and doesn't tend to carry it around with her. She'll only really do this when she's back at home and has a spare few minutes. She'll also use this time to sell off any useless bits of treasure she's accrued on her travels, the gil is a handy form of extra income.

If she's travelling or needs to get out of an area quickly, she'll try and be quicker with getting ready when she wakes up, especially if she's been camping out. She'll skip the coffee, eating a quick breakfast as she packs up, will skip the workout, though she'll still make sure her weapons and dresspheres are all in order. She's very fastidious about that, to her there's nothing worse then her weapons being ill prepared in the face of a battle. Whenever she's camping up, she'll stargaze, ponder the days events, clean her weapons if she has time. She won't stay up terribly late as she's an early riser.

#paine { ☠️ } headcanon #ooc { 🪷 } answered

0 notes

ashstar1111 · 1 year

Text

babysitting storytime?? not a good one tho lol

its kinda long so be aware. also, sorry for any spelling/grammer mistakes, english isnt my first language.

ok so BACKROUND: theres this couple + two daughters (7 and 5 y/o) who lives two floors below me & my family, and both the parents had to work and they needed someonw to watch their girls from 8am to almost 5pm (so about 9h).

Usually my little sis babysits for them but she had plans + she didnt feel like shes ready to babysit for so long (its the first family shes babysitting for), so she offered me the job. and me, being me, took it without thinking twice (spoiler alart, BIG MISTAKE).

so i wake up in the morning and i feel really ill, i almost threw up a few times and my stomach really hurts, but i dont have much time to worry about it so i suck it up like a big kid, drink my coffe, take the dog for a walk, come home, finish my coffe, and go to their house.

so, get to these girls apartment at 8am sharp, and everything is fine for the first few hours, they’re snacking some chips and drinking WAY to much chocolate milk, as well as watching wired youtubes on the tv, they were honestly very well behaved at the begining tbh, so i just let them be.

at like 11:30am they started being hungry and they asked me for some fruites, so i was like “okay :)” and went to cut some fruites and stuff for them. i cut them a peach and washed them two different types of grapes, put it all on a plate and brought it to them.

then, they said they want corn schnitzel and i was like, “okay, well you can eat the fruites while i make u some” and went to the kitchen. what i didnt know was that they were starting to play with the fruits instead of eating them, so i came back to find the grapes, still uneaten, but covered in green liquid sope (???), and one (1) pice of peach was eaten. thats it. no girls.

at this point its about 12:45pm and they’re not in the living room where i left them. why? because APPARENTALLY, they decided that braking into their parents room (which was locked, btw, dont ask me how tf they got in) to steal some Mentos, was the best thing to do after murdering fruites.

i caught them right before they found the Mentos, and brought them to the dining table to eat the schnitzel they asked for. after they ate they decided to play a game called “trying to get into mom and dad’s room to steal stuff”, and i had to literally STAND AND GAURD THE DOOR TO MAKE SURE THEY WERENT STEALING SHIT.

then, as they relized that I was the main problem, they decided to start trowing things at me. moestly shoes and crayons and markers and dolls. i asked them to stop multipul times and tryed to talk to them like big girls, until they decided to take it one step forwared, and throw a PAIR OF SCISSURES directly at me.

it didnt hit me bc i moved, and then i yelled at them that they’re not supposed to be throwing sharp stuff like that, especially not at people. they didnt give TWO SHITS, and their way of showing me that was to throw the scissures at me AGAIN.

at that point i kinda gave up, maybe bc i was tired, maybe bc i was feeling kinda ill, maybe bc i was hungry, or maybe bc ive had enough stuff thrown at me a this point. fuck knows, the point is, i fucking had it.

i got away from the door and yelled at them that i hope they treat the next babysitter to watch them better than that (bc FUCK IT im not going back in there, especially not for enother 9 fucking houres.) and that ill be telling their mom everything.

they obviusly were like “yeah we dont really care”. and when im telling u i was so close to snapping, i mean i was SO FUCKING CLOSE. so, i did what every reasonable adult would have done, and i sat on the couch in the living room and had a silent meltdown while the girls i was supposed to be watching were stealing cendy from their parents :).

after about 15 muinets (so it was about 2pm) of silently crying, they came to apologize to me, but i was so fucking angry (i still am and its 10pm) that all i did was telling them that i dont want their apology, and again, that i hope they would treat the next babysitter better, and then i got up and went to the kitchen floor to text heir mom.

long story short: their mom called me and scolded them that it wasnt ok and shit, but im still angry (both that they think they have the right to throw a pair of scissures at me, and that they actually made me scared. the rest of the babysitting they behaved and shit so i hid in the bathroom, bc i was shaking (im still a bit shaky for some reason) and honestly i didnt feel like i could face them).

#idk how to fucking tag this nightmare of a day. deal with it.

1 note · View note

cybernightwanderer · 2 years

Text

I almost drank bleach today... pt.1

i'v been trying so bad to get a job, i lwanna leave this place, and if i cant , at least for her to stop treating me like shit and like her slave. She keeps shamming me for not having a job, i am trying, i truly am, i send resumes to everything i apply for everything and anything. I'm always at the verge of a fucking panic attack, i try to keep myself at bay, telling myself that ill get a job soon, once i get a job, it will be better.. I started these umemployed classes one has to attend, and while im at that i keep looking for a job. The other interview i got a reply, but the woman had to cancel the interview and told me she was gonna reschedule. I told my mom this yesterday, that id no longer be waking up at 8 am monday, because the woman emailed me canceling it and notifiying me shed reschedule. Today i woke up and i do the class assignment, an argumentative text about what we think and we feel about AI in our daily lives and how we think it affects/helps society. I woke up at 10, got ready and started writting my assignment, checked my emails and sent 3 more resumes for a few stores. The class was about to start and everybody noticed, today there's no class after all. So i delivered the assignment. i started one game of league, and was planning to go eat breakfast and then go out to deliver a tshirt i managed to sell. ( im selling pretty much all that i own to gather some money ) My mom arrives home, and enters my room. And it goes like : Mom - what are you doing? Me - playing a game. Mom - why are you playing a game? dont you have that thing? Me - which thing? Mom - you had an interview this morning, did u skip it? Me - no, i told you, she canceled. Mom - she canceled? when? Me - Yesterday, i told you... Her staring at me in doubt with that face she does when she doesnt believe me... And staying silent looking at me with " that face " The face she did when i started to get depression and she would make when i would tell her i didn feel too good to go to school and she would shame me and call me lazzy, and id be dead scared of going outside the house enought that id lose my breath. And shed still make that face " you are just pretending , you dont wanna go because you are lazy ". That face she made, when one day i suddently woke up and couldnt walk and begged her to call someone, a doctor, an ambulance, dad, anything... And she didnt and told me to shave my leggs or she wouldnt take me to the emergency and i quote " since you keep insisting " , because she thought i was being lazy and lying because i didnt wanna go to work. Because when she tought maybe shes telling the truth, her first concert wasnt " omg she cant walk " , it was " what are ppl gonna think when they see her hairy leggs, so embarrassing for me ". But even when i got harrassed, abused, verbaly and sexually i never skipped a day, even when my face was incredibly swollen from a broken tooth i still went to work in pain, even after the atttempted rape and a black eye i still went to work the next day like it was nothing, Even after the fucking new years shift where my coworker got mad at me because he gropped me in the elevator i fought him off, and he punched me in the stomach and arm, i still went to fucking work the next day. Even after sick of it all and trying to kill myself, i went to work the next day like it was fucking nothing. All of this because when the first job i was actual making 800 euros, after so many attempts of trying to pry and control my money, i tried with all my soul to fight her oof and to try and save money to leave the house. And she threated to chase me down and beat me up if i tried to leave. Because i didnt wanna give her all my paycheck because i wanted to try and live. Because when she found out i was getting that amount, she not only took the 250 monthly rent, and the other 150 for her dets , she took 200 more because " im your mother, you owe me ".

#depression #suicide #anxiety #trauma #toxic #toxic mother #ptsd #anger #toxic family #mental illness #mental abuse #mental disorder

0 notes

jaehyunfirstlove · 3 years

Text

You decide you’re ready to have a baby. The catch? You’re not seeing anyone at the moment. Enter your best friend, Jeong Jaehyun. Will he be the answer to your dilemma?

Pairing: best friend!Jaehyun x f.reader

Genre: best friends to fwb to lovers, fluff, angst, smut (18+ only)

Warnings: mentions of infertility, pregnancy and childbirth, sperm donors, IVF (in vitro fertilization), fertility drugs, mood swings, fingering, unprotected sex, cum play, nipple play, breeding kink, oral sex (f.receiving), dirty talk, pregnant sex, rough sex

Word count: 10.6k

Taglist: @jaehyunnie77 @mrg-jjh @keeach (send me a message if you want to be tagged in future fics)

A/N: this was only meant to be a short fic but it morphed into this monstrosity. I tried to tag for everything but if I missed anything please let me know. Inspired by the fact that Jaehyun wanted to be a teen dad (but they are not teens in this story, just thought I’d make that clear :) Also please excuse my unimaginative name for the baby, I’m terrible at coming up with names lol

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional so please excuse any inconsistencies.

“So what have you got planned for today?” your best friend, Jaehyun, asked you as he took a sip of his coffee, shielding his eyes from the sun’s rays coming through the window of the cafe.

It was your weekly Saturday brunch, at which Jaehyun would show up, nine times out of ten, hungover, wearing dark sunglasses, a baseball cap, a black t-shirt and sweats. There was never a deviation from this outfit, even on the times when he came not hungover.

“Oh not much, just an appointment at the fertility clinic this afternoon.”

Jaehyun paused, as you took a sip of your latte. You couldn’t see the look in his eyes through the sunglasses but his fork had stopped midway to his mouth. It hovered in the air, scrambled eggs sliding off of it and plopping onto the plate below.

“The where?” he asked, tipping his head to look at you above the top of his sunglasses.

“Fertility clinic. Looking into getting a sperm donor.”

The matter-of-fact way you were saying everything seemed to shock him, his fork still not moving towards his mouth or back onto the plate.

“Excuse me, a sperm donor?”

You put your coffee cup down, and sighed. “I don’t know why you’re so shocked, I told you before I wanted to have a baby.”

“I thought you were joking!”

“Well I wasn’t!” you don’t know why you were being so indignant, maybe because all you’d heard from everyone around you, from your parents to your doctor to the lady that sold you pretzels from a street cart, was negative. You shouldn’t have a baby without a partner, was the main point of contention, but how was that going to happen if you weren’t seeing anyone, and hadn’t had a serious relationship in almost a year.

“But a sperm donor, Y/N?” he asked, after mulling over what you just said.

“Yeah? What’s wrong with it?” you countered. You were so sick of everyone around you criticizing your plan.

“I don’t know, what if he’s like, a serial killer or something?”

“They do psychiatric assessments on everyone who donates.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an undiagnosed illness-”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Jaehyun!” you’d had it, letting out an exasperated huff, “Do you have a better idea? Do you want to be my sperm donor?”

You weren’t at all serious, you were just mainly upset and unfortunately, taking it out on him, but he actually sat back in his chair, eyebrows raised, as if he were contemplating it.

“Anyway, forget it. I don’t need your approval. I just hoped that you’d support me, of all people.” You couldn’t help but pout. He was your best friend and he’d stuck with you when no one else had. You may have said you didn’t need his approval but deep down you wanted him to be on your side.

He leaned forward, took his sunglasses off and looked you in the eye. “Of course I support you,” he said sincerely. “If this is what you want, then I’m with you one hundred percent of the way.”

You smiled, your heart feeling lighter, and just as you took a sip of your latte he said the one thing that would complicate your life forever.

“But I get to be that sperm donor.”

You spluttered, almost choking on your latte. “I wasn’t being at all serious, Jaehyun,” you chuckled nervously, but one look at his face and you could see he was being completely serious.

“I just don’t like the idea of some stranger being the father of your child,” he said quietly, looking down at his plate of food while he said it, “might as well be me, right?” He looked up at you hopefully.

You didn’t know what to say. This was your best friend, the one you’d grown up with, the one you’d catch tadpoles with, the one you’d drag to the playground with you, the one you told all your innermost secrets to. The one who knew you best. Didn’t it make sense then, that he would be the one to share this with you, in the end? You looked at his face; open, sincere, beautiful. You knew he was attractive, with the trail of broken hearts he’d leave in his wake, but you hadn’t really looked at him in that way before. Suddenly he was a new person to you, and now you didn’t know how to feel.

“Jaehyun, I-” you rubbed your hands together nervously, still unsure of what to say, “it’s a big thing, you know? This will change the rest of your life.”

He nodded, but there was no trace of hesitation in his actions. In fact, he looked as sure as anything. “Yeah that’s a given. But I’ve thought about it and I’m ready.”

“Jaehyun, you’ve literally thought about it for, like, the few minutes we’ve been sitting here.”

He smiled, “Actually I’ve thought about it for a long time.”

“About being a sperm donor?”

He laughed. “No, not specifically a sperm donor. But it’s a start,” he shrugged. “So what do I have to do?”

---

Jaehyun accompanied you to the appointment at the fertility clinic, where they outlined the plan and what was required of the two of you. It didn’t sound too bad, but you did find that having Jaehyun there to support you was really helpful. Every time the doctor explained something that made you nervous you would look over at him and he would smile confidently at you, sometimes squeezing your hand if you looked particularly concerned.

It was the fertility drugs they gave you, that threw your world into chaos. They had warned you of the side effects but you didn’t think it would be this bad. Your mood swung back and forth like a pendulum, one moment you were happy, the next you were crying into your cereal. You were irritable more than you had ever been in your life, and constantly snapped at every little thing. Not to mention that your breasts were sore and you had nausea, making you feel like you were pregnant already. You felt bad for Jaehyun when he was around for your mood swings and irritable moments, but he handled it much better than you thought he would. He’d give you your space when you needed it, but also sit by your side when you didn’t want to be alone. You found yourself thinking about how he would be as a father, but then you would remember that he was just the sperm donor.

One day, when he was sitting beside you on the couch, rubbing your back after you’d cried over your coffee order being wrong, you ended up asking him how much he wanted to be involved.

“We didn’t talk about the ‘after’,” you said, still sniffling. He stopped rubbing your back and looked at you.

“What do you want the ‘after’ to look like?” He asked, his tone level and gentle.

You had visions of Jaehyun rocking the baby to sleep, of Jaehyun seeing the baby walk for the first time, of Jaehyun teaching your child how to ride a bike, piano lessons, soccer games, first day of school. The perfect family. Except he wasn’t your husband, he wasn’t even your boyfriend. You didn’t know what to ask of him.

“I don’t know,” you whispered. He went back to rubbing your back.

“I’ll be as involved as you want me to be,” he said softly, “my only request is that I get to be a part of their life.”

That sounded fair, you thought. This was certainly going to be more complicated than getting a stranger as a sperm donor.

---

You went through several cycles of IVF, but none had been successful and you were losing hope. Not to mention the fertility drugs were really taking a toll on you, and the doctor had recommended taking a break. You were devastated, seeing it as the end of your dream, no matter how much the doctor reassured you that it wasn’t.

“There has to be another solution,” you pleaded at one appointment. Jaehyun hadn’t accompanied you and you felt yourself falling apart without his presence.

“Well, of course there’s the surefire way,” the doctor shrugged.

“What’s that? I’ll do anything!” you were hopeful once again at the doctor’s words.

“Regular sexual intercourse.”

Of course, you thought bitterly. You couldn’t help but think this was society punishing you for doing this without a husband. Undeterred, you resolved to discuss it with Jaehyun.

---

The look on Jaehyun’s face when you broached the subject was one you had never seen on him before. It was a mixture of shock, terror, resignation, and… something else, almost like acceptance, as if this were the natural course of things.

You resolved not to make it weird, it was just sex after all, and you would get a baby out of it, and that was the most important thing. However, your palms still got sweaty at the thought of it, your heart racing imagining him naked. You’d gone swimming with him plenty of times, went on beach outings often, and you realized you’d always avert your eyes from his bare chest. You figured you were just doing it to be polite, but you had no trouble looking at other men’s chests (you were only human, after all). You shook your head of your thoughts, while waiting patiently for him to agree or disagree to your request.

“I know it’s weird,” you began, when he still hadn’t said anything, “but I promise it won’t change anything in our relationship.” You needed him to agree, and at this point you would say anything to convince him. He looked at you thoughtfully, before he nodded.

“Okay, I’m in.”

---

You’d been keeping track of your cycle and had the days you were ovulating marked on your calendar, which you had shared with Jaehyun. It was agreed that he would come to your place after work, where you would have sex in the hopes of making a baby.

The first night you were nervous, pacing your room as you waited for him to come over. When the doorbell rang you literally jumped out of your skin. When you opened the door you were relieved to see that he was nervous too, although he tried his best to hide it. He joked around with you, trying to keep the mood light, and you had to admit you appreciated it. But when you got to the bedroom, you both went quiet. Jaehyun stood at one end of the room and you stood at the other, the bed looming between you.

“Do you want me to turn around while you get undressed?” he asked awkwardly, and you realized you hadn’t thought through the details.

“Um, yeah, sure,” you replied, and when he turned around you hastily undressed and jumped under the covers. “Done,” you advised, and he turned around. He didn’t make a move though, just looking at you pointedly, until you realized and turned your head away. Once he was done undressing you felt him lift the covers and get into the bed with you, and you couldn’t stop your heart from hammering in your chest.

“Y/N,” he said softly, because you still hadn’t turned back to him. “Can I touch you?”

You bit your lip, still not looking his way, and nodded. His touch made you jolt, even though his hand was warm, the electricity you felt made all your nerve endings feel like they were on fire.

“Is this okay?” he asked, his hand moving tentatively across your stomach. You nodded but you realized you were panting already, and he had barely touched you. “Tell me if I do anything you don’t like,” he suddenly whispered in your ear, and then he was kissing your neck.

You weren’t prepared for the intimacy, you had really only thought about the intercourse part. You hadn’t prepared yourself for the kissing, and the touching, and how he was so good at making you feel good. You felt like you weren’t supposed to enjoy it, that it was supposed to be “just sex” because you were friends and you weren’t doing this because you loved each other, you were only doing it to have a baby. But the more he touched you, the more he kissed you, the more you fell under his spell. You felt like you should tell him to stop, to just get on with it, but you knew he was doing it to get you nice and wet and therefore more comfortable to take him.

His kisses started to move along your jaw, towards your lips, and when he was finally there, his lips on yours, you felt a panic bubble up in your chest. It was too intimate, too much for someone who wasn’t yours. You pulled away, and he looked at you in surprise.

“No kissing on the lips,” you managed to say, maybe that would be enough to keep it less intimate, you told yourself. He nodded without saying a word, his hand coming up to your breast.

“Is it okay if I touch you here?” he asked, his eyes on yours. You thought for a moment and decided it was okay, and when you nodded he cupped your breast tentatively, all the while watching you for your reaction. When you didn’t pull away he squeezed gently, rubbing your nipple with his thumb.

You pressed your lips together, trying to suppress a moan, because everything he was doing was making you feel so good. He kept watching your reaction, and when he was satisfied that you were reacting favorably he got bolder, his hand slipping down between your legs.

You yelped when he touched you there, your legs involuntarily closing and trapping his hand. He froze, looking at you with wide eyes.

“Sorry,” you apologized, flushing with embarrassment, “reflex reaction.”

“It’s okay,” he said softly, as you slowly opened up your legs again. He moved his hand slowly, gently, just rubbing the inside of your thigh. “You can relax, Y/N, I promise I won’t hurt you.” His words were soft, his tone gentle, and it did wonders to calm and soothe you.

You nodded, giving him the go-ahead, and he reached tentatively with his finger, just lightly touching your folds. The electricity you felt when he first touched you came back with a vengeance, and you almost melted right into the bed. Your reaction encouraged him though, and he pressed his finger further in, rubbing your wetness around. When he was satisfied with the state of your arousal he got into position between your legs, placing the tip of his cock at your entrance. He paused, looking you in the eye, gently stroking your cheek.

“Ready?” he asked gently, “I’ll go slow.”

You nodded vigorously, to be honest the anticipation was killing you and you were very much aroused, wanting him to just get on with it. When he pushed into you though, you realized you should really be careful what you wished for. The feeling of him stretching you was almost too much, every inch he pushed in agonizingly slow amplifying your arousal to a dizzying degree. By the time he was seated all the way inside you you were panting, almost out of breath already.

“Okay?” he asked, through gritted teeth. You could tell he was holding back for dear life, but he purposely went achingly slow to make sure you were comfortable.

“Yes,” you said, having adjusted to his size, “you can move now.” Your pussy clenched involuntarily around him and he hissed.

“Don’t do that, Y/N,” he groaned, “I won’t last.”

“Sorry,” you said sheepishly, and as if to get you back he snapped his hips, making you cry out.

“Fuck!” you screamed, and that definitely encouraged him, and he set a pace, fucking you into the mattress. You felt your toes curl, a familiar knot building in your stomach. Once again, you thought, you felt like you shouldn’t be enjoying it as much as you were, it was more important for him to come inside you. “Come on, baby, come for me,” you whispered in his ear, hoping the dirty talk would encourage him.

“Almost there,” he grunted, and as much as you tried not to enjoy it, the way he was drilling into you felt too good. You bit your lip and grasped at the sheets, trying to keep your orgasm down, but he took it as a sign that you were about to come. He reached between you and thumbed your clit, and at that moment your orgasm exploded out of you without warning. He groaned as you clenched around him, finally spilling his seed inside you. You were dizzy, mind hazy from your orgasm, but you were content at the feeling of his cum inside you. He started to pull out, then stopped.

“Oh,” he said, and you looked up at him to see why he was saying that.

“What is it?” you asked.

“It’s leaking out of you,” he pointed down between your legs. You panicked.

“Well you’re not supposed to pull out right away!” you wrung your hands frantically, “push it back in!”

He looked at you incredulously, before looking down at his already softening cock, realizing it was useless at that point. So he just used his fingers, gathering up the cum that had leaked down and pushing it back into your pussy. You bit your lip again, because the more he pushed in, the more aroused you became, surprised that you weren’t oversensitive at this point. He must’ve noticed your reaction because he didn’t stop, pushing in further and further, in and out, faster and faster, until you were coming again, pussy pulsing around his fingers.

You took a deep breath to regulate your breathing, while he pulled his fingers out of you and sat back.

“Are you okay?” he asked, when you still lay there, unmoving.

“Yes,” you responded, staring up at the ceiling.

“Well, I guess I’ll get going,” he said awkwardly, when you didn’t say anything else.

You nodded, still staring up at the ceiling. “Same time tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll be here.” He dressed without saying anything more and left the room.

---

He came over again the next night, and you repeated the same awkward scene from the night before. This continued for a few cycles, with no success, and again you were losing hope.

“Maybe there’s something wrong with me,” you said dejectedly one day. Jaehyun looked over at you, concern etched on his face.

“The doctor said you were fine,” he replied, attempting to soothe you.

“Maybe there’s something wrong with you then,” you huffed, but Jaehyun just shook his head.

“Y/N, they put us through a bunch of tests and said we’re both fine,” he put a hand on your knee to reassure you.

“Then why isn’t it working?” you lamented, on the verge of tears.

“Do you want my opinion?” he asked hesitantly. You looked up at him in surprise.

“Yeah, of course,” you replied, curious as to what he had to say.

“Well, I’ve been reading those links the doctor sent, and it said stress is a big factor,” he stated carefully, “I think you just need to relax, and let it happen.”

You were floored. On the one hand you were touched that he had actually read the links the doctor had sent (you had been too impatient to bother), on the other hand, what exactly did he mean by ‘letting it happen’?

“Let’s do things differently next time, what do you think?” he had a twinkle in his eye that was starting to alarm you.

“What do you have in mind?” you asked suspiciously.

“You’ll see.” He smiled, much too widely for your liking.

---

The next time came around and you were more nervous than you were the first night, and if this was his idea of making it more relaxed he was already failing miserably. When he showed up at your door though, you almost didn’t recognize him.

Instead of a t-shirt and sweats, he was wearing a crisp white button-down and jeans that sat sexily on his hips. Instead of his hair flat and falling in his face he had it pulled back, with just a few strands falling over his forehead. He also smelled incredible, a musky scent that forever trapped you in his hold, and made you want him in every way he would let you.

He smiled at you, but not in the way a friend smiles at a friend, and when he leaned in to give you a kiss on the cheek you almost passed out from the warmth of his lips and the intoxicating scent emanating from his skin. He walked past you to the bedroom, leaving you standing there with your mouth open and your underwear dampening.

When you finally collected yourself, you went upstairs to hear the bath running. You walked into the bathroom to see him drawing a bath, candles surrounding the tub, flower petals in the water, and the most luscious smelling bath bomb marinating in it.

“Jaehyun, what-”

“Shh,” he put a finger to your lips, and even that act was so sensual you had to squeeze your legs together, “let me take care of you.” He reached down and turned off the water. “Get undressed and get in the bath, and I’ll come back and help you get relaxed.” He left the room and you did what he said, calling him back in once you were in the bath and the cloudy bubbly water reached the tops of your breasts.

He had such a calm and serene look on his face that it almost threw you off, but then he was taking your puff and squeezing body wash on it.

“May I?” he asked, and when you nodded he gently took your arm and ran the puff along it. He did the same with the other arm, and that simple act, along with the warmth of the bath water, did wonders to soothe you. You felt like you were floating, with the calming scents of the bath bomb, and his gentle touch. He started to run the puff along your neck and you bent your head back and sighed. Soon enough he was dipping below the surface of the water, running the puff between your breasts, and you sighed even deeper as he got lower, past your stomach, and lower still. The puff was forgotten, and now it was just his hand, reaching down between your legs. It all felt so good, you spread your legs even wider, wanting more.

“How does it feel?” he whispered, so close to your ear you shuddered.

“So good,” you couldn’t help but moan, and then his hand was there, cupping your pussy.

“I want to make you feel good, Y/N,” he purred, his voice like honey, “will you let me make you feel good?”

“Yes,” the word came out on a long exhale, as he plunged a finger between your folds, and you couldn’t help but fall apart. He fingered you until you came, water splashing all around you as you writhed in pleasure. When you were done he picked you up out of the bath, not caring that his clothes were getting wet, and carried you to the bed. You couldn’t care that you were probably soaking the bed, because his lips were on your neck, hot and urgent, leaving marks that you’d have trouble concealing the next day.

You pulled at his shirt, wanting it off already, and he obliged, throwing the damp fabric to a corner of the room. You rubbed your hands all over his chest, feeling the firm muscle there, then down to his abs. He groaned against your neck when you undid his belt and slipped your hand over his hardened cock.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he hissed, when you wrapped your hand around it and pumped.

“Don’t come yet,” you whispered, taking your hand away, opting instead to pull the rest of his jeans and boxers off. You wrapped your legs around him, encouraging him to enter you, but he pulled back slightly.

“Slow down,” he breathed, and you could feel him smiling against your neck, “this isn’t a race, Y/N,” he continued kissing down the column of your neck, down to your chest, “relax, and let me make you feel good.”

You finally relented, relaxing as he’d ordered, letting yourself melt into the mattress as he sucked on your skin. Your body was on fire, both from the heat of the bath you just had as well as the way his lips were ruining you. When he got down to your lower stomach you realized where he was headed, and instead of fighting the pleasure you were feeling you simply gave in. As soon as his wet tongue collided with your wet folds you let go, moaning wantonly at the feeling. Every sound you made spurred him on, every jerk and jolt of your body gave him the impetus to push you to the height of pleasure, until you were yanking at his hair and convulsing around his tongue.

“That was fucking hot, Y/N,” he almost growled, wiping at his chin as he moved to hover above you, “I almost came.”

“Don’t,” you panted, trying to catch your breath, “you need to come inside me.”

“You want it? Want my cum inside you, fill you up,” his voice was deep, intense, a tone you’d never heard from him, and certainly words you’d never heard from him, but it certainly was doing the job and making you very aroused.

“Oh god,” you exclaimed, unaware that dirty talk was something you liked. Your previous boyfriends hadn’t been this filthy, but you found you loved it.

“I’m gonna fuck you hard, and you’re gonna take all of my cum,” he continued, voice raspy, breath hot in your ear, “I’m gonna knock you the fuck up, and watch your belly grow with my baby.”

“Jaehyun!” you cried out, losing yourself completely. You grabbed a hold of his neck and pulled him down, and for a split second you saw his eyes grow wide as you smashed your lips against his, your no-kissing rule forgotten. He kissed you with the same passion and intensity that he ate you out with, and you wondered why you had ever put that no-kissing rule into place if he could make you feel like that with his lips. You moaned when his tongue entered your mouth, just as he slid his cock inside you.

This time you didn’t hold back, allowing yourself to feel everything. The way his cock slid in and out of you, the way the tip kept hitting that spot so deep inside you. The way his tongue moved in your mouth, the way his hands rubbed up and down your body, sometimes squeezing your breasts and flicking your nipples. Your hands roamed over his back, feeling his muscles move, and when you felt your orgasm start to build you dragged your nails against his skin.

“Fuck, Y/N, I’m gonna come,” he broke from the kiss to drop his head down to your chest, his thrusts getting harder but more erratic.

“Oh god, do it,” you panted, your orgasm about to burst out of you, “fill me up, baby, I want your cum so bad.”

That was enough to send him over the edge, and he pulled you flush against him as he came inside you, the particularly forceful thrusts triggering your own orgasm and making you clench around him. He let out a loud groan as you milked him, fingernails digging into his back.

When you were both done you held him against you, not wanting to let him go. He obliged, just holding you, his face tucked against your neck. You could feel his hot breath against your skin and that, along with his arms around you and his weight on top of you was all oddly comforting.

“I’m gonna pull out,” he finally said, when he had gone soft inside you. You sighed but nodded, and once he had pulled out you clamped your legs together, trying to keep as much of his cum inside you as you could.

He dressed quietly and you watched him, heart stuttering in your chest, your mind reeling. You had promised him that the sex wouldn’t change anything in your relationship, but you couldn’t believe how wrong you were. You wanted to reach for him, wanted him to stay, but you held back.

“Thanks for that,” you said quietly, and he turned to you and smiled.

“You’re welcome,” he said sincerely, “I’ll do anything for you,” and he brought his hand up and cupped your cheek, his eyes soft as he looked at you, “you’re my best friend.”

You smiled at him, but inside your heart was breaking. How could you ever think you could do this and keep your friendship as it was?

---

A few weeks later you were late, and although you tried not to get your hopes up you couldn’t help but think this was it. You waited to take the pregnancy test, wanting Jaehyun to be there no matter the outcome.

“What is it? What’s wrong? You said it’s an emergency.” He looked so concerned when he came over, and you almost felt bad for not saying what it was about right away.

“I’m late, Jaehyun,” you announced nervously.

“Where do you have to be?”

“No, I mean my period! I haven’t gotten my period yet!”

He paused, the pieces finally falling into place, and his face suddenly lit up. “Oh shit!” He covered his mouth with his hand as he looked at you with wide eyes.

“Come with me, I’m gonna take a pregnancy test.” You led him upstairs where he waited outside the bathroom door while you took the test. You placed the stick on the counter and opened the door to let him in.

“Well? What does it say?” he asked, rubbing his hands in anticipation.

“It’s gonna take a few minutes,” you answered nervously, “I can’t look, tell me what it says.” You turned away, so anxious you thought you would pass out.

“One line, so far,” he stated, and you tried to stay calm but your heart was beating out of your chest.

“Hold my hand,” you reached behind you and he took your hand in his, squeezing to comfort you. He was silent for a while, and you couldn’t take it anymore. “Well? What does it say now?”

“I see…” he started to say, and you so desperately wanted to turn around but you were too scared.

“What?! Just say it!”

He pulled you to him, turning you around and lifting the stick up to your eye level. “Two lines.”

You blinked a few times, wanting to make sure you were seeing it right, but every time you opened your eyes there were two solid lines. You were pregnant.

“Oh my god,” you whispered, both of your hands going up to cover your mouth. Jaehyun whooped in celebration, jumping up and down with glee. You saw the genuine happiness in his face and so many emotions ran through you that the only thing you could do was burst into tears.

“Aw, Y/N, don’t cry!” he laughed, gathering you into his arms, thinking you were just crying from happiness. But it was so much more complicated than that. You were getting what you wanted, a baby, but you hadn’t prepared yourself for all the complications of having a baby with your best friend, who you may have developed feelings for.

---

The first trimester was hell. You were throwing up every morning, and feeling nausea for the rest of the day. You had an aversion to most food, even hating the smell of certain things, like meat. The only things you could keep down were bread and noodles, and you wondered how the baby could grow when that was all that you ate. But at every appointment the doctor reassured you that the baby was doing well and developing at a good rate. Jaehyun insisted on going with you to your first ultrasound and as much as you wanted him to, you also dreaded it.

When the fuzzy form of your baby showed up on the screen for the first time you felt a surge of happiness overcome you, tears springing to your eyes at the sight of the tiny figure on the screen. You heard Jaehyun inhale sharply and turned to look at him. The awe in his face was so endearing it made the tears run down your cheeks, and seeing your reaction he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in for a hug.

“That’s our baby,” he whispered, his voice almost breaking, and you cried harder.

“Congratulations!” the technician said, patting you both on the shoulder. You felt like you should correct her, tell her that although the baby was technically yours and Jaehyun’s, you weren’t together and wouldn’t be raising the baby as such. But how do you explain that to a complete stranger? You looked over at Jaehyun, who was smiling from ear to ear, shaking the technician’s hand and making no move to explain the situation.

Later, as you were getting ready to leave the clinic, you saw the technician hand over a copy of the ultrasound picture to Jaehyun. He took it happily in his hands, as if it were the most precious thing in the world. As he walked towards you he slipped it into the plastic window spot in his wallet, where your drivers’ license should be, but his now housed a blurry black and white photo of your baby.

“Hey, wanna get something to eat to celebrate?” he asked, slinging an arm around you as you both left the clinic.

You shook your head. As much as you wanted to spend time with him, you found it hurt more than it helped. Once the baby was born you’d have to deal with him being around more often, so it was better to save up your strength for that.

“I’m actually really tired, I just want to go home and rest,” you answered without looking up at him, “besides, I’m still off most foods.”

“Oh, okay, makes sense.” He said, removing his arm from around your shoulder and stuffing his hands in his pockets. He didn’t sound upset or offended, but when you looked at him out of the corner of your eye you saw a flash of emotion cross his face, almost like hurt or disappointment. You felt bad, knowing you had been avoiding him, even giving up your weekly brunches, but you felt it was better this way.

“Listen, I’ll let you know when the next ultrasound is, okay? You can come with me again.” You wanted just to wipe the look of disappointment off his face, and luckily it worked.

“Yeah, that would be great! Thanks so much, Y/N,” he leaned down and hugged you, and it was the closest he’d been to you since the last time you’d had sex to make the baby. You held him close, committing the feel of him and the scent of him to memory, before you pulled away and walked towards your car.

---

If the first trimester had been hell, the second trimester was heaven. Miraculously the nausea disappeared, and you found yourself actually craving food. You felt more energized and less tired, and slept so much better. Your belly was starting to grow, and you actually had to start shopping for maternity clothes. Your mood was so much better, but what really came back with a vengeance was your libido. During the first trimester you couldn’t even think about sex, but now, it was all you could think about.

Usually your vibrator would do the trick, but there were always moments where you’d think about Jaehyun, think about how good he could make you feel. Sometimes just thinking about him fucking you was enough to get you off, but when you really thought about him, about the feeling of his cock parting your folds, or the feeling of his strong hips pounding into you, his face sweaty and his scent overpowering the air between you, nothing was better than the real thing.

Which is how you found yourself one night, holding your phone and dialing his number without hesitation.

“Hey, what’s up,” he answered, his voice sounding distant. You realized you hadn’t spoken to or seen him in weeks, and instantly you felt terrible.

“Um, actually nothing. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t wake me,” you could hear him shuffling around, like he had been lying down and started to sit up, “is something wrong, Y/N?”

He always saw right through you, you could hear the concern is his voice, and there was no turning back now.

“Could you come over? I think I need some… company.” You didn’t know if you could just ask for sex over the phone, and was it really only sex that you wanted? Or did you just want him there, with you.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, I can come over,” you heard more shuffling, like he was getting dressed, “are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’ll be better when you’re here.” You answered truthfully.

When he showed up at your door you couldn’t stop yourself from pulling him towards you and hugging him tightly. He didn’t protest, just held you and rubbed your back gently.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” he asked softly against your hair.

“I miss you,” you admitted, voice muffled against his chest because you were too ashamed to look at him.

“I’m around, you know,” he chuckled, “you’re the one who cancelled our brunches.”

You pulled back and forced yourself to make eye contact with him. “No, Jaehyun, I miss you.” You touched his chest when you said it, giving him a look laden with meaning. He understood right away, his eyebrows rising slightly. You took him by the hand and pulled him inside, leading him upstairs and to your bedroom. He let himself be led, but once you were behind closed doors he suddenly took you into his arms and kissed you. The kiss wasn’t subtle, or gentle, it was intense and forceful, his intent surely to rile you up. It definitely worked, because you could feel wetness pooling in your panties as he stuck his tongue down your throat.

“You want my cock again,” he growled, breaking from the kiss to suck a line down your throat. You gasped at his aggressiveness, but you had to admit it really turned you on.

“Yes,” you breathed out, as he stripped you of your clothes and pushed you towards the bed. You fumbled at his clothes, trying to get them off but you found your limbs were weak from the way he was handling you. He took over, stripping off the rest of his clothes, his cock springing forward when he pulled his boxers down. You admired it for only a second before he turned you around, pushing you onto your hands and knees on the bed.

“You like my cock, don’t you, you like me fucking into your little pussy,” he spoke so low, his chest flush against your back so you could feel the reverberation of his voice.

You didn’t have a chance to answer, because he rammed his cock into you, a scream tearing from your throat as he went as deep as he could.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned, his hands gripping your hips as he started to pound into you. You weren’t sure how pregnant sex would feel, since so many things were changing in your body, but you weren’t prepared for what you got. It felt like your entire body was on fire, pleasure coursing through every part of you. He hit places inside you that you’d never felt before, and all of it was like nothing you’d ever experienced.

“Jae,” you panted, “Jae, oh my god!” your orgasm was coming on, super fast and beyond your control.

“You’re gonna come already, baby? Alright, come on, come all over my cock,” he reached down, and although it was a little awkward because of your belly, he managed to get to your clit and rub it with the pad of his thumb.

Your vision went white when your orgasm hit, your fingers and toes going numb as your pussy clenched around his cock. You could barely hold yourself up, your upper body falling to the bed as you convulsed around him. He kept going, fucking you through it, and when you stilled he pulled out and lay you on your back. He gave you a moment to catch your breath, before he entered you again. You cried out at the oversensitivity, but he went slowly, and soon enough you started to feel pleasure again.

“I can keep going,” he said, as he fucked into you at a slow but deliberate pace, “you want more, don’t you?”

You nodded vigorously, already feeling another orgasm building. He propped himself up then, and pounded into you, the bed shaking from his harsh thrusts. You gripped and pulled at the sheets, unable to contain the needy whines and moans coming up out of your mouth. You forced your eyes open to see him hovering over you, a look of intense concentration on his face, his brow sweaty, hair falling into his eyes. When he saw you looking at him his concentration faltered, and he bent his head down for a kiss. You were expecting a kiss to match the intensity with which he was fucking you, but instead it was soft, gentle, lingering. You felt something in it, something above and beyond what he was doing to you, something that carried you where you most wanted to be but didn’t dare go. The orgasm you had then was different, not just purely physical, not just filled with lust, but something more elevated, more emotional.

He broke the kiss to grunt loudly as he came, spilling more of his seed inside you. When he was done he pulled out, and sat at the edge of the bed.

“Y/N,” he said, and you don’t know why he sounded so defeated. You sat up, preparing yourself for what he was going to say.

“Jaehyun,” you reached for him but thought better of it, your hand dropping into your lap.

“I can’t keep doing this with you,” he said, his voice quiet but determined, “it’s fucking me up and I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Your heart sank. He was pulling out of your life, and it was all your fault for doing this to him. “I’m so sorry, Jaehyun.”

He got dressed hurriedly, without looking back at you, and before he opened the door to leave he turned back.

“You need to decide for yourself what you want me to be,” he still didn’t look at you, opting to look at the floor instead, “I’ll always be here for you, but I need to know where I stand.”

The door closing behind him echoed in the room, the absence of him already settling into your heart.

---

You went through the rest of the second trimester on your own, too ashamed and heartbroken to see Jaehyun, and too confused to sort out your feelings. He’d text you once in a while to ask you how you were doing, how you were feeling, but there was no talk beyond the pregnancy. He didn’t come to any more of your doctor’s appointments, nor did you ever invite him to any more in the first place. The third trimester hit even worse than the first, your belly was now so big it was almost uncomfortable to do anything, you now had constant heartburn, and you were going to the bathroom every ten minutes because of the weight on your bladder.

About a month before your due date, you were making dinner in the kitchen when you felt an uncomfortable tightening in your abdomen. You clutched your stomach, gripping the counter in alarm and wondering what you should do. The feeling came and went, but returned after a few minutes. Concerned, you called your doctor, who advised you to come in to the hospital just to get checked out. As you were getting ready you got a text from Jaehyun, asking how you were doing.

Jaehyun: hey just doing my check-in

JH: how is it going today

Me: well it’s probably nothing but

Me: just going to the hospital to get checked out

JH: wait what

JH: let me take you

Me: i should be ok

JH: Y/N pls let me take you

Me: ok

JH: thank you i’ll be right there

You sighed, wishing you had never told him and made him worry. Luckily you didn’t have to wait long since he lived nearby, and soon enough he was pulling up to your house. You didn’t bother to wait for him to come to the door, coming out as soon as you saw his car. You were locking the front door when the uncomfortable feeling came back, making you double over, clutching your stomach.

“Y/N!” you heard Jaehyun yell behind you, and soon enough his arms were cradling you as you crouched over. “What happened? What’s going on?”

His voice sounded frantic, terrified, and when you looked up in his eyes he looked so scared that it made your chest ache.

You smiled weakly, trying to placate him, “Don’t worry, it’s probably just false labor,” you patted him on the arm and soon enough the feeling went away. “My doctor just wants me to come in and get checked out, just in case.”

He nodded, but didn’t look reassured at all, creases of worry still lining his face. He also didn’t let you go, holding onto your arm as you walked to the car. At the hospital he didn’t leave your side, until the doctor came to do your examination.

“I’ll wait outside,” he said hesitantly, but you could tell he didn’t want to leave at all, eyes looking longingly back at you as he left the room.

After the doctor examined you and reassured you that it really was just false labor, you were cleared to leave and found Jaehyun in the hall, pacing. Once he saw you he ran up to you, searching your face with frantic eyes.

“Well? What happened?” he’d taken your hands in his, and his palms felt cold and clammy.

“It was nothing, just false labor, the doctor told me to go home and rest.” You reassured him, squeezing his hands and smiling softly at him. He let out a long breath, collapsing into a nearby chair.

“Oh my god, Y/N, I almost died!” he passed the back of his hand over his eyes dramatically, and you suppressed a giggle at his overdramatic show.

“Don’t laugh!” he sat up and looked at you incredulously, “I lost ten years of my life just now!”

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” you pressed your lips together trying not to smile. He broke into a wide grin then, pleased with himself that he had managed to lighten your mood with his sense of humor.

“Come on, let’s get you home.”

---

The drive from the hospital had been quiet, both of you realizing that there was still this huge wall between you, and neither of you were brave enough to breach it. He walked you to your door in continued silence, and once you reached your doorstep he turned around to walk back to his car.

“Jaehyun,” you called, unable to stand it anymore, “do you wanna come in and talk?”

He turned around, a mixture of hope, fear, and resignation on his face, and nodded.

The time apart had made you realize how much you missed him, and seeing him again had made you realize how much you still wanted him to be a part of your life. You were hoping to salvage something of your relationship, but you were fully aware that you could never go back to what it had been.

You sat him down on the sofa and took a deep breath.

“Jaehyun,” you began, getting more and more nervous as you went on, “I know I made things weird, even though I promised I wouldn’t,” he opened his mouth to say something but you stopped him, determined to get out what you wanted to say. “I was so focused on having a baby that I didn’t think about what involving you would mean, and what it would do to our friendship. I think I was just naive, I didn’t think anything would change, and I was so wrong.”

He sat across from you, and even though he was just inches away it felt like he was miles away, like an unfathomable chasm had opened up between you. Then he looked up at you, hesitant, but determined.

“Y/N, we can’t go back and change things anymore. What’s happened has happened.” He tilted his head to regard you, taking a deep breath before moving on, “so I just need to know one thing.”

“What is it?”

“Do you want me to be a part of your life?”

“Yes. Always.” You answered truthfully, without a doubt in your mind. He smiled, but there was still something behind his eyes.

“Hey, do you remember that pact we made in eighth grade?” He suddenly asked, his eyes twinkling.

“The marriage one?” you scanned your eighth grade memories and that was the only pact you could think of.

“Yeah, the one where we said if neither of us are married by the time we’re thirty, we’ll marry each other?”

“Yes, I remember.” It was during PE class, when you and Jaehyun were sitting in the field while everyone else was running around chasing soccer balls. You don’t remember how the subject came up, but soon enough you were doing pinky swears and Jaehyun was fashioning rings out of blades of grass for you and him to wear. You both had a good laugh over it, and never thought about it again until this moment.

“So what if we didn’t wait?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if we didn’t wait until we’re thirty, what if we just did it now? I mean, we’re having a baby together already.”

“Jaehyun, are you proposing right now?” you said it as a joke, even chuckling to yourself, you weren’t taking the whole thing seriously at all, except Jaehyun wasn’t laughing.

“I mean, I don’t have a ring, but…” he looked around the room, and seeing your spider plant on a nearby table he picked a leaf off and rolled it around itself, making a ring out of it, and slipped it on your finger. You were speechless.

“Jaehyun, you’re serious.” You managed to say after the thoughts stopped running through your brain. You hadn’t really thought about marriage, none of the guys you’d dated had ever made you think about it. You knew you wanted kids, but marriage was something you figured you couldn’t achieve, never having found the right guy. Yet here he was all along, Jeong Jaehyun, your best friend, someone who knew you inside and out. A dawning realization hit you then, that maybe none of your relationships ever worked out because you kept comparing them to Jaehyun, and no one ever held up. You were in love with your best friend, and you didn’t even know it.

“Well?” he asked, with raised eyebrows and hopeful eyes. You stared at the leaf ring on your finger, turning it around and around, your heart and mind finally finding peace in your realization. You looked up at him, cupping his face, and he looked like he was bracing himself for a possibly negative response.

“Yes.” You answered, smiling brightly at him, and it took him a moment to realize you weren’t turning him down. His face broke out into a wide grin, his dimples as deep as ever, his eyes shiny. He pulled you in for a hug, but your belly made it somewhat awkward.

“Oh my god, Y/N, you’re huge!” he looked down at your belly in awe.

“Jaehyun what the fuck!” you smacked him on the arm, slightly offended.

“No, I meant I was too busy being worried about you that I never noticed how big your belly had gotten.” He reached out his hand tentatively. “Can I touch?”

“Of course,” you said, happy that you could share this with him. You took his hand and placed it on your belly.

“Can you feel the baby move?” He asked, eyes growing wide when his hand landed on your stomach.

“Sometimes, mostly when I’m lying still though.” You let him rub his hand over your stomach, endeared at how awestruck he was, his mouth forming a little ‘o’ as he moved his hand around. He suddenly leaned forward, his face getting very close to your belly.

“Hey little one,” he called softly, and your heart clenched at the sight of him talking to the baby in your belly, “I’m your dad.”

Suddenly you felt a jolt in your ribs, as the baby stretched and kicked inside you.

“Oh my god, Y/N! Did you feel that?” Jaehyun clapped excitedly.

“Damn right I felt it,” you groaned, patting your stomach, “keep it down in there, kicking mama in the ribs really hurts!”

Jaehyun burst out laughing, gathering you in his arms and hugging you tightly. “That was adorable!” he exclaimed, and your heart felt warm as you wrapped your arms around him.

---

You decided to just do a small backyard ceremony for your wedding, neither of you fond of big parties that meant even bigger expenses. Jaehyun moved into your house since he had been rooming with a friend, and once all of his things had been moved in and installed, you were left alone with each other once again.

You don’t know why, but your first night as a married couple felt like the first night you’d had sex, awkward as hell. Once again you stood on either side of the bed, unsure as to what to do.

“Bed?” he finally asked after you’d both stood there for too long.

“Bed,” you answered, and you both got in at the same time. You couldn’t help but laugh at your awkwardness, and that certainly broke the tension. You turned to your side, the only way you could get comfortable with how big your belly was, and he slotted his body behind you, wrapping an arm around you and resting his hand on your belly. You sighed contentedly, loving the feeling of being in his arms.

“This is nice,” he whispered, but his breath against your ear made you shiver, and suddenly contentment wasn’t the only thing you were feeling. Not to mention his hand that was on your belly had moved to your hip, fingers tracing wide circles over the fabric of your sleep shorts.

“Jaehyun,” you didn’t mean to, but his name came out in a moan, and his hand stopped its circuit, the faintest bit of pressure being applied to your hip.

“Y/N?” he questioned, but you were taking his hand and moving it up to your breasts. Once he cupped them you moaned again. “Holy shit, Y/N, your boobs are huge!”

“Jaehyun!” you reprimanded him, but he apologized quickly.

“Sorry, sorry, I just-” he cupped and squeezed, feeling the weight of them, “wow,” was all he could say.

“Well they won’t be this big for too long, so you better take advantage of them now,” you encouraged, and he did, tweaking your nipples until you were moaning into your pillow.

“Tell me if I do anything that hurts, or makes you feel uncomfortable, okay?” he whispered into your ear, before he started to plant wet kisses along your neck and shoulder. Your mind went hazy at the feeling of his lips on your skin, and soon he slipped a hand down, past the waistband of your shorts.

You inhaled sharply when his fingers found you wet, when he gathered some of your arousal to rub it around your clit. You moaned loudly when he made circles around your bud, pressing your face further into your pillow.

“Don’t do that, baby, I wanna hear you,” he pulled the covers off and pushed your pillow away, helping you take off your shirt and the rest of your clothes so you were fully exposed to him. He looked at you, lust and hunger clouding his eyes. “Fuck, you look so gorgeous knocked up with my baby.”

Your pussy clenched at his words and you pulled at his own clothes to get him to take them off. “Come here and fuck me, husband.”

Your words ignited something in him, and he bent down, throwing one of your legs over his shoulder and pushing into you. You cried out, not caring anymore how loud you were being, the feeling of his cock inside you throwing you into the heights of pleasure. Once you started though, you couldn’t stop, moans and whimpers and whines tumbling out of your lips as he pumped his cock inside you.

“You like it, don’t you?” he growled, “you like my cock so much you let me knock you up.”

You moaned even louder at his words, your orgasm starting to build in the pit of your stomach. “Yes, god, yes!”

“You want my cum, baby? Look at where it got you, huh? You let me come inside you and now you’re knocked up.” His voice was raspy, deep, and it cut right to your core.

“Fuck, Jaehyun! I’m gonna come!” you warned him, grasping at the sheets as your orgasm hit you, your pussy pulsing around his cock. It didn’t take much longer for him to come, one last thrust that took your breath away, and he spilled his seed into you.

“Are you okay?” he asked, brushing aside a strand of hair that had fallen into your face, “did it hurt at all?”

“No, not at all, it felt good,” you smiled at him, wanting to alleviate his concern. He looked relieved, before he bent down and kissed the swell of your stomach.

“Sorry, baby,” he said sheepishly, addressing the baby, and you could only laugh, rubbing a hand through his hair as he smiled up at you.

---

The next day Jaehyun had left for work, and you were almost out the door yourself when you felt something gush between your legs. You figured you knew what it was and, resolved to stay calm, you quickly called Jaehyun.

“Babe, what is it?” he answered on the first ring.

“I think my water broke.”

“Okay, stay calm, I’m on my way back.”

It didn’t take long for him to come back since he’d just left, and you drove to the hospital all the while holding tightly to his hand. The contractions started then, not too bad at first but as time went on the pain was hard to bear. By the time you reached the hospital you were grimacing in pain and Jaehyun was yelling for someone to come and help you.

You labored for hours, Jaehyun never leaving your side, giving you strength even when you felt like you had no more to give. You wondered how you could have ever done this without him, without his unwavering support, his cheerful but calm demeanor raising you up when you felt like giving in. Soon enough you had a healthy baby in your hands, a boy that an ecstatic Jaehyun had already dubbed his ‘mini me’.

---

If you had known what the first few weeks with a newborn would have been like you would have seriously rethought having a baby in the first place. You were exhausted more than you had ever been in your life, catching sleep for only those precious moments when the baby would sleep. Your breasts were sore from breastfeeding, and if you never saw another poopy diaper in your life it would be too soon. What made it all worth it, was the look of pure innocence in your baby’s eyes, and the way your husband would stare at him like he was the most precious person in the world.

One night you were woken again by the baby’s cries, and trudging to his room you were surprised to see Jaehyun already there.

“Sorry to wake you,” he whispered, “I was changing him and he lost his binky.” You stood in the doorway and watched as your husband expertly handled your son, swaddling him in his blankets and making sure the pacifier was situated in his mouth. “Go back to bed, I got this.”

Jaehyun had done many things during your time together that you considered sexy, but this was probably the sexiest thing he had ever done. You walked back to your bedroom, mentally reminding yourself to reward him when you were more awake.

You lay in bed though, unable to fall back asleep. Your mind was racing, anxieties resurfacing at that dark and quiet time of night. Jaehyun eventually came back, sliding into the bed and spooning you, his arm coming to wrap around your waist.

“Jae?” you whispered, hoping he hadn’t fallen back asleep right away.

“Hm? I thought you were asleep.” He sounded tired, tightening his arm around you.

“Is this the life you wanted?” you asked him, rubbing his arm that was wrapped around you.

“Absolutely.” He answered, without hesitation.

“No, I’m serious.”

“So am I. Why wouldn’t you think I was being serious?” he suddenly propped himself up on his elbow so he could see your face.

“Because you had a life before this, and now it’s just-” you waved your hand in the air, “me and the baby.”

“Just you and the baby? Y/N, you and Yuno are the most important things in my life right now.” He pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. “Yeah I had Friday night drinks and Sunday basketball games, and that was fun and all, but you two are my family now.”

“Don’t you miss it?”

“If I did I’d just go and do it? So no, I don’t miss it right now. Maybe eventually? But that doesn’t mean I’d love you and Yuno less.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d told you he loved you, but you knew you’d never get tired of hearing it. You’d been surprised when he’d told you he’d been in love with you for a while, not daring to say anything about it for fear of ruining your friendship. When you’d told him that you wanted to have a baby he knew that there was no one else in the world that he wanted to bear his children except you, and he was relieved when you accepted his offer of being a sperm donor. He had been prepared to be just that, but the sex threw everything into chaos, including his feelings for you and his resolve to keep your relationship as just friends. He felt himself falling even deeper for you, but his heart couldn’t handle the push and pull he was feeling from you. He never wanted to pull out of your life, and he spent more time staring at his phone waiting for you to call or text than he dared to admit. Bringing up the marriage pact had been a gamble, and he was terrified that you’d say no, but when you said yes, he could barely contain his happiness.

“Listen,” he said, taking your hand in his, “this life is more than I could have ever asked for.”

“Really?” you asked, turning to look at him, “With me?”

“Baby, it’s always been you.”

#jaehyun imagines #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun smut #nct imagines #nct smut

1K notes · View notes

iwadori · 3 years

Note

Hiiii!!!! can you do like when you guys are supposed to meet up and they waited for about an hour or so and kept texting you you but you haven't replied so they thought you ditched them and got mad at you and stuff then they decided to go home and while on their way home not too far from their school they found you unconscious body with a large wound on you back and your head bleeding?.

can you pleaseease do tsukishima, yamaguchi, ushijima, bokuto (I'm sorry if that's a lot)

Haikyu Boys when you get hurt Pt 2 (Ushijima,Bokuto

Part One Part Two Part Three

Word count: 2.6K

Genre: angst, fluff

masterlist

Ushijima

You were having the worst week this week, from battling a cold and your boss making you do all sorts of extra jobs (that were definitely not under your job description.) As easter was swiftly approaching you and Ushijima had your annual plans of going to the local kids community center and helping them with an easter egg hunt. But you don’t think you can manage it this year.

Ushijima gets home from practice with 4 bags just filled with easter eggs ranging from all different sizes, “woah there Toshi, you’ve got enough there too feed all of england” you laugh

“I don’t think these eggs will be able to sustain England Y/N” he says seriously making you laugh even harder. As you were laughing, you felt another migraine come along making your cringe in pain. “Toshi, I don’t think I can do the easter egg hunt this year?”

He sits down next to you alarmed that something is wrong, “why what happened Y/N” he asks

“I’ve been feeling terrible all week, and I even have a migraine right now” you say to him thinking he would understand.

“That’s it?” he questions thinking what you said was a joke “I think you can handle a migraine, remember we’re doing this for the kids”

His words were making you feel slightly guilty since maybe you were being over dramatic. “Y/N if it’s really ‘that bad’, i’ll make you some tea so you can feel better,” he says going into the kitchen to start on your tea. You murmur a quiet “thank you” and you end up falling asleep, hoping that by the time you wake up your head stops pounding.

As you wake up, you realise you slept all the way through the night and over to the next day as when you look at your clock it says 12:32 pm. You look at your nightstand and saw that Ushijima wrote you a note saying:

Y/N I've left out early to set out the easter egg hunt, I’ve made you breakfast so eat up and get prepared for the event which starts at 4pm. Please don’t forget.

Sincerely – Ushijima Wakatoshi.

You chuckle at the fondness of the note, before realising your pain. Your brain felt like it was having a live concert inside that definitely was not going to end soon but you still got up prepared for the day. You didn’t want to let Ushijima or the kids down.

When you go to the kitchen , you see the cute breakfast that Ushijima made you consisting of all of your favourite foods and with another simple note of him saying ‘ I love you. ‘ Ushijima has always been a lovely boyfriend, treating you like the queen you are always making sure that you were okay. Of course, his bluntness and his lack of social cues was something to get used to but when you did get accustomed to it, it only made you fall in love with him more.

You got ready, feeling even more sick as the piping hot shower that you usual have, did not help as when you were showering you felt heavily faint. However, you persevered since you did not want to let Ushijima down.

You finally were prepared to leave the house, with the community center being on 15 minutes walk away you were leaving out at 3:50pm since you were planning to take your car anyways. When you leave your home, you realise that you forgot your car keys so you dash up the stairs (a bit too quickly) to go and find them. Scrambling through your draws, your head is pounding harder and harder and the more it pounds the quicker your moving making you even more faint. You eventually find your keys and you’re ready to zoom to the community center but your body gave out and you pass out tumbling down the stairs landing at your front door.

Ushijima was waiting outside of the community center waiting for you to arrive it was 4:05pm and he was wondering where you were (knowing that your place was only a 10 minute drive away) he sent you a few texts asking where you were but when you don’t respond Ushijima becomes slightly annoyed, plastering a fake smile on his face and entering the community center, starting the easter egg hunt.

The easter egg hunt came to a close at 8pm and Ushijima assumed that you would’ve showed up some time in the middle of the event, but you obviously didn’t show. After making sure that all the kids left safely Ushijima decided to call and text you more and when you continuously don’t respond and your calls go to voicemail he says ‘Y/N, im really disappointed with you right now. How could you do this to me? You said you would show up, the kids were really upset, how could you be so selfish?’

He walks to your house knocking on the door, but when you don’t immediately answer he knew something must be up now, since you haven’t responded to any of his texts and calls and didn’t show up he figured there was something deeper then you just ditching the event.

He used his key to open the door, surprised when the door hit something. He tried again hitting the ‘object’ that was laying at the door again. He carefully pushes the door to make enough room for him to fit through the gap. When he entered, he was startled at the sight of you, there you lay completely knocked out with a blood stain next to your head. He knelt down next to you and touched your cheek you were extremely cold, he had to get you to a hospital stat. He called an ambulance, panicked. Worrying about how long you’ve been out for since it would have to be atleast more than 4 hours he assumed.

You woke up in a foreign room, with your head slightly stinging. You place your hand on the back of your head and wince, then you remember you need to be at the easter egg hunt so you bolt up ready to move.

“I don’t think that’s wise for you to do that Y/N” Ushijima says to you

“Toshi, what happened?” you ask still in pain

“It seems you fell down the stairs and hit your head” after he said that all your memories come flooding back, and you remember rushing to the community centre, looking for your keys, and then falling down the stairs and everything going black.

“I’m sorry Ushi for missing the easter egg hunt, I really tried to get there,” you say with an apologetic look on your face

“It’s fine Y/N of course you wouldn’t of been able to get there after falling down the stairs” he says “Also, this is proof of why you shouldn’t run down the stairs”

You eventually get discharged with the doctor telling you all you need to do is rest and stay off your feet. Ushijima took the doctor's orders very seriously, becoming your loyal servant and waiting on you hand and foot, tending to your every need. He did also make you were eating healthy and taking all your medicine so you could have the best recovery possible.

Also, after realising that this could’ve all been avoided if Ushijima didn’t guilt trip you in the first place for having a migraine, he made sure to never ignore or dismiss when you say you are ill or have anything wrong with you even if it’s a migraine, a lost limb or a simple paper cut.

Bokuto

The Olympics were coming up and Bokuto couldn’t be any more excited than he already was. Everything he’s talked about for the past month he manages to find a way to relate to the Olympics, and as annoying as it got sometimes you were just as excited for it as much as Bokuto was.

Bokuto was heavily busy with extra practices so you were bored and lonely, since your boyfriend was at practice all the time so you chose to take up a new hobby. You decided to paint, although you weren’t an award-winning painter you still found joy in it. Being Bokuto’s girlfriend you had some slight unwanted attention on you: the usual fans of Bokuto that just followed you to have an extra aspect of him in their life's, or his fangirls that adored him.

You didn’t mind the fangirls for the most part since majority of them were pretty tamed and did fawn over your relationship. However, there was the minority of fans that did make it known to you that they DID NOT like you at all. When you started posting your paintings, it seems their hate for you amplified since they always found the need to leave an astray of mean comments on your post. But that didn’t mainly bother you since you thought that they only had that energy behind the screen.

The days went by getting closer to the Olympics, with Bokuto always asking you every day “Y/N you are coming to my games, right?” to which you always replied “Of course Kou, I’m coming” which always made him smile.

When the Olympics came, you’ve went to all the games cheering Bokuto and the team on as they were winning round after round. Whilst this was going on, the group of girls that were sending you horrible messages and making mean posts about you weren’t stopping. At first, you didn’t care for them but it seems their posts only gotten worse making comments about your artwork, your face, your body type ect.

You didn’t want to tell Bokuto as you felt that it would ruin his Olympic momentum and you thought you could handle it all on your own.

It was nearing to the final game of the Olympics, and Bokuto was ecstatic he made sure that you promised you’d be there claiming that you was his ‘good luck’ charm.’ You were excited to go too, the feeling of watching Bokuto play was exhilarating seeing him fully in his element was great for you to see.

On the last game day, Boktuo was already at the stadium since him and the team had to be there earlier to practice and you planned to meet him there just before the game started at 4:30. You went to a florist before the match getting Bokuto the biggest boquet that you could buy.

On your way to the stadium you here somebody whistle from behind you, you turn around and see a group of girls waiting behind you smirking. “Hi?” you say more like a question then a statement “do you want something from me?”

Some of them laugh, but the one standing at the front who you mentally lable the ‘main one’ steps closer to you and says “We want you to stay away from Bokuto” you realise that these were the girls sending you hate online for these past weeks.

Before you can even blink, the girls jump you, hitting, kicking and clawing at you. You are in pain, screaming and crying for them to stop and leave you alone. You lay there, letting them beat you up thinking that you’ll probably end up dead out of this. All you can think about is Bokuto, you didn’t get to wish him good luck, or give him your flowers (that you spent a fortune on) or even tell him that you loved him one last time.

You think the girls eventually stopped but you couldn’t tell because your body was throbbing and you hurt all over. You tried to get up still wanting to go to the match but you collapse going out cold.

Bokuto was scanning the crowd over and over for you, hoping to spot you there. But he couldn’t, he was wondering where you were getting sadder and sadder by the second since he really believed you were his good luck charm and he probably wouldn’t be able to win without at least seeing your face once.

They didn’t win. Bokuto knew he wasn’t playing at his best, since all his mind was on was thinking about where you were. You’ve never missed one of his games, so he was incredibly worried. After he accepted his second-place medal, he rushed out the stadium to go to your house but he was stopped by some fangirls ‘I guess signing autographs is the least I can do’ he thinks, the fans were being a bit odd today but he didn’t have time to focus on that as his mind was racing thinking about you and your whereabouts.

One of his fans did give him an alarmingly big boquet of roses which he appreciated ‘these must of cost a fortune’ he thinks. Although it was a probably a long shot, he decided to ask the fan if he saw someone who looked like *whatever you look like* to maybe see if someone else saw you. Which the fan replied “yeah I saw them with some guy at this restaurant whilst we were going to see you!” they exclaimed.

‘A guy’ he thought ‘that most likely wasn’t you.’ Seeing Bokuto’s confusion, the fan followed up with “I'm pretty sure it was her I mean we all know who Bokuto Koutaro’s girlfriend was.” Bokuto didn’t reply just walking away making sure to thank them for the flowers.

He was rushing towards your house on foot (since all the taxi’s and ubers were fully booked because of the Olympics) whilst running he stumbles across your passed out body all black and bruised with scratch marks and bleeding all over you. “what happened” he whispered, knowing you obviously weren’t going to respond.

He picked up your near-dead body, and cradled you in his arms taking you back to the stadium (since he knew that getting an ambulance to come here or running to the hospital would basically be impossible.) When he got back to the stadium, he did get odd looks from strangers but he didn’t care, his only agenda was making sure you were okay.

You woke up, and saw Bokuto pacing the room repeatedly you tried to get his attention by saying his name but your throat was damaged. He eventually notices you and runs to your side, stroking your face softly and giving you a gentle hug making sure not to hurt you.

“Who did this Y/N?” he asks with worry in his eyes

You ignore his question and look at the silver medal wrapped around his neck making you sad “I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the match, I tried I really did try” you said with your voice sounding even worse after you said every word.

“Don’t be silly, I’m just glad that you’re okay babe, I was really worried about you.” he said

The Medic came in and said that you had multiple broken ribs, but beside that you were fine you just needed to rest your throat and let your bruises heal. You eventually told Bokuto that it was some of his fans, he was upset that you hid this from him for so long but he was just glad that he got to you as soon as he did. He managed to play at the next Olympics and you were there fully present, with your even bigger boquet of flowers watching win gold.

Authors Note: I tried to make it as close to your request as possible, but I hope you enjoy as I really do think this is my favourite work so far.... :3 Comments and feedback appreciated.

#haikyuu x reader comfort #haikyu scenarios #haikyu #haikyu angst #haikyu fluff #haikyu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu-fluff #haikyu x reader #ushijima imagine #ushijima oneshot #ushijima angst #ushijima x reader #bokuto x reader #bokuto angst #koutarou x reader #bokuto scenarios #signedwithane😌

1K notes · View notes

prttydolls · 3 years

Note

Can u do Draco and reader met again after hogwarts but they didn’t like date but knew each other and they met at their kids game

Then Draco ask to catch up and they get drunk and end up doing it at Draco place

(I request this before and I ask is it a blurb idea or fic)

Can you do a fic of it?

evening meetups . — d.m

— a/n : hi anon! yes, i saw your other request before..and i feel like there is already a fic but i dont know... so ill be making this fic still but changing it up alittle bit. if you do know that someone made this fic please let me know so i could take down this post :)) also wow such a long a/n.

— warning : drinking, post!war, kissing, confession, fluff, hints of smut but no actual smut LOL

— char info : fem reader, divorced!draco, preschool!scorp (5), modern era, Reader and draco is 25!!!

d.m :: it was nice chatting with you y/n, when's your free time?

y.n :: I had alot of fun with your too drac :), also I don't have plans for the tommorow why?

d.m :: I just wanna ask you if you'd like to meet up again, without scorp and your kid?

y.n :: I'd love too,but the kid is not mine haha she's my brotherʼs kid therefore she's my niece?

d.m :: Oh- sorry for the misunderstanding, how about tommorow at 6pm and on xxxxx street? I'll pick u up if you'd like :)

y.n :: sure, that sounds amazing. goodnight drac ❣️

d.m :: night y/n/n 🙂

Draco smiled at his phone like a teenage boy, he was excited for the plans he had made with y/n, he checked the time and it was already 12am, he decided to go to bed.

Morning came by quickly draco woke up to the sound of scorpius waking him up for breakfast. “daddy, I'm hungyʼ pwease wake up!” scorpius shook dracos arm. “Alright alright, I'm up bud.” draco chuckled.

The little blonde ʼs face turned into a smile quick. “okay, imma go ahead to the kitchen daddy!” he jumped off the bed and waddled over to the kitchen. Draco looked around at his surrodings.

He was alone in bed, as usual. Astoria and him broke things off because they didn't want to be stuck in a arranged marriage. Astoria left scorpius so scorpius never knew his mother.

Draco went down stairs to see a small blonde sitting on his chair, waiting for the pancakes. Draco cooked the pancakes and served scorpius.

“Okay bud, let's go to school.”

Whilst draco was preparing the car for scorpius, he checked his phone and crossed out something on the notes app in his phone.

To do list for the day.

• Finish breakfast with scorp

• Take scorp to day care

• Do grocery shopping

• Pick up scorp and head to his grandparents (mum and father)

• And meet with y/n at xxxxx Street.

The day flew by fast, he brought scorpius to his grandparents (which scorpius is staying there for the weekend), he decided to get ready for y/n.

He puts the groceries away, and changed into something formal— wait no idiot it's not a date-date. Draco thought to himself. Just choose something casual.

He wore a plain green and black t-shirt with black pants to match. He looked himself at the mirror “eh, this is alright.”

draco grabbed his wand and casted a spell to clean his bedroom and started his car, before he was checking his messages and tapped on y/ns contact.

She sent a new message 15 minutes ago.

He drove off to xxxx street.

“hey, drac.” y/n greeted the blonde, outside the bar. “hi y/n, you look lovely..” draco complimented. He was looking at the most breath taking girl to be ever seen.

They both went in the bar, ordered some drinks and what not. As time went on, they were both already drunk and shamelessly flirting with eachother.

It only took 10 shots of fire whiskey for draco to shoot his shot.

“y/n, I think i'm Inlove with you”

“ and Im also Inlove with you too *hic* draco.”

The two confessed their feelings for one another, in such a weird way. “if I wasn't such a pussy back then, I would've had you as my girl— girlfriend.” he slurred, looking at the girl with love in his eyes.

“aww, that's sweet of you dray..” y/n giggled as she placed her hands on his chest. Draco cupped her cheeks softly and leaned in.

He placed his lips on hers, she responded with the same action making their kiss more deep.

y/n woke up and looked around her surroundings, fuck— where was she?

she recognize it was a bed room, and clothes were across the room, her knickers- bra everything! and who was with her in bed? none other than draco malfoy.

he hugged her naked torso feeling the warmth that he missed so much. y/n finally realized that she had sex with draco the night before.

memories came flooding down from the night before.

“fuck- baby your doing so good.” draco moaned into y/n’s ear. “ahh— draco i- i feel like im gonna cum” she admitted.

draco fastened up his pace and both of them came together.

she smiled and laid down next to the blonde, and went back to bed. they could worry about what happened last night later, for now enjoy the moment.

— taglist :: @dracoslittleangel @imabee-oralizard @f4iryluvy @lilytoyourjames

#draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco lucius malfoy #draco malfoy imagine #draco imagine #draco fanfiction #draco fic #draco fluff #draco reader #scorpius #dracotok #malfoy #draco #dlm #slytherin #draco angst #malfoy fluff #— {🐚} her work's !#LMFALMFAOAOALMFALMFAOAOAOAO

121 notes · View notes

s-brant · 3 years

Text

Under The Magnolia (4/8)

(gif: @wodohwan) (PART THREE) (PART FIVE) (SERIES MASTERLIST)

Summary: Y/N tries to put what happened with JJ behind her when she returns to school, but when her patience is tested by a series of unfortunate events, she snaps. JJ, trying to figure out what’s wrong with her, is blindsided by an issue of his own.

Word Count: 8.7k

Warnings: Angst, implied sexual content, drug use, panic attacks, implied parent/child abuse, mental illness, suicidal ideation without graphic depictions, and fluff.

A/N: Welcome back to Tokens! This chapter gets pretty heavy at times on the angst, as you probably anticipated from the end of chapter three, so bring some tissues and get ready for a bumpy ride ‘cause these characters aren’t having a great day. Things will work out eventually for them though, pinky promise! Let me know if you enjoyed this. Feedback is very much appreciated. Have fun!

Y/N has never liked gym class.

Fifty or so people crammed into an un-airconditioned, smelly gymnasium so they can half-heartedly do sports and play games that'll make them sweaty by the time they return to their classrooms? That's her version of hell right there if she's ever seen it, and very few things could make it worse than it already is, but she's betting she has something this time.

From across the field out back behind Kildare County High, she sits on the grass with Kie and watches JJ playing basketball on the tarmac court with a group of random boys and Pope. It's the first time in weeks that she has gotten any alone time with Kie, her first time seeing her at all since she ditched on their plans, and all she can think of is him.

After they got themselves fully clothed again after their dirty tryst in the back of the van, they finished the double feature together—this time quite enthralled in the second movie—and went back to the Chateau as per usual. He ended up finding his wallet crammed in the crevasse between the front seat and center console, and she gave him a lackadaisical thumbs up when he held it up for her to see with one of his award-winning, toothy grins.

Things haven't felt the same since that non-date they went on. He has yet to notice her change in mood since she's done everything possible to prevent anyone, especially him, from noticing it, but it's there. The rejection plays on repeat in the back of her mind every waking moment, as if her subconscious wants to rub it in for her.

Kiara, mid-rant, catches her attention with the tail-end of her sentence though.

"...that was totally bitchy though. She has nerve saying that shit to you knowing damn well what you're going through."

In any other conversation, she likely would have to admit to not fully listening and ask for context, but the topic is clear to her.

Temporarily, her eyes wander away from the boy she's not dating to the "bitch" in question. Kacey Adams. Smoking hot, intelligent, and popular, but severely lacking in basic human empathy, she's probably up there in the top ten of Y/N's most hated people on earth. Not anywhere above Ward or Rafe Cameron, but damn high for multiple reasons, one of which being that her and JJ fucked last year.

In her defense, this territorial jealousy is not the only reason she hates her. Facts are, she's a loud-mouthed kook wannabe that thinks she knows everything about everyone, and despite her book smarts, she's wrong about her assumptions ninety percent of the time. This side of her wasn't visible to JJ when they first connected at a party, but it's more than evident in the aftermath of John B's disappearance.

A much nicer girl was asking her how she was doing with the obvious fact of no longer having her brother around when Kacey decided she couldn't listen any longer without setting the record straight.

As soon as she saw her turn the corner from around the side of their locker section, she sighed and muttered, "Here we go," shrugging the friendly girl's arm off to finish changing.

"Y'all are seriously still hung up on that cop killer?" she scoffed, laughing in a condescending way that made the rest of the girls in their section want to leap over the bench to throttle her. "My daddy's a deputy, and he says there's no doubt he's the one who shot Peterkin. Brother or not, there's no way you can defend that, right?"

At first, she decided to go with the tried and true method of pretending Kacey didn't exist. It worked once or twice before, making her laugh to herself and her group of friends before scurrying off to do whatever else it is the spawn of Satan likes to do in her spare time. She hoped it would continue to be effective.

Until Kiara stepped in.

"Yeah, and it's no surprise to me considering you're a bourgeoisie bootlicker that'll believe any rumor you hear as long as it aligns with your precious beliefs. You know, riding so hard for the kooks won't make you one, so do yourself a favor and leave her alone. All the evidence on John B was circumstantial."

The girls around them reacted with various sounds of surprise, some encouraging and others siding with Kacey, while Y/N stood with her eyes glued to the inside of her locker. She stared at where John B's bandana was folded up on top of her street clothes and tried to keep herself calm. He always told her that people like that aren't worth it, and when she saw his old bandana lying there, it was like he was trying to talk to her from beyond what separated them.

She was pulling her tank top over her head when the next comment made its calculated blow. The bully ignored Kiara entirely, stepping closer to where she stood in front of her locker.

"What? Not so tough without your little boyfriend here, are you?"

That was it.

The sound of her locker slamming shut echoed into the high ceilings of the room, her unshut combination lock rattling against the rusted metal as she turned to face the other girl. She got so close to her, they could've touched.

"Do not bring JJ into this," she spat the words like poison in her mouth, "and, for the record, he isn't my boyfriend. Maybe you should get your facts straight before attacking me."

"I do have my facts straight about one thing though, your brother is—sorry, was"—Kie and Y/N couldn't help but tense up at that intentional "mistake" in word choice that sucker punched them—"a murderer. We all know it."

No matter how strained or distant their friendship became over the course of the last month, it was clear from Kiara's perspective that her friend was one more comment away from letting this verbal altercation shift into a physical one. Her forehead creased with a sour, hard-set expression she'd seen her give many people, most of which being those who think seeing her in public is free reign to make all the comments they want about her "murderous" brother.

Without the gym teacher there to stop it, the rest of the nearby girls gathered to watch the fight unfold in real time, and she couldn't necessarily blame them. There are countless fights a week in this place, and it's nearly a form of entertainment at this point. One time, she and JJ watched a girl shove another girl into a window by their hair and break it after the latter called her a bitch, so, yeah, Kildare had its fair share of fights, and the Kacey vs Y/N WWE showdown was in the works for weeks.

She pointed to the door and said, "Why don't you turn around, go to Figure Eight, and go back to begging some poor kook to fuck you, cause nobody wants you here, Kacey."

With that, while the small crowd reacted in laughs or gasps, she decided it was over. There was no point in drawing it out longer than this, and the gym coach would be back any second to usher them all into the gymnasium anyway.

Her steps echoed through the narrow, but big room, and she almost made it to the door when Kacey struck one final, killing blow.

"But I didn't have to beg JJ to fuck me, did I?"

That was enough to set Y/N after her like someone lit a fire under her ass, and Kie knew it as soon as the words were said. Messing with her was fine, but saying something about JJ? The girl might as well have signed her own death warrant.

She lunged at her, hopping over the bench and shoving her up against the various lockers hard enough to make hers rattle on its hinges again, when she felt a pair of hands tugging her off as soon as she did it.

Kie's voice met her ears as she dragged her off to the door to the gym, "Trust me, getting suspended over that bitch is not worth it."

It almost makes her laugh to herself now that she thinks of it.

She was one of JJ's famous worst lays in the history of his extensive sexual background, so her bragging attitude about having gotten with him, while infuriating in the heat of the moment, was ironic. The memory of overhearing that particular conversation in the van with him, Pope, and John B is clear in her mind.

Y/N digs at the dirt with the side of her shoe, still decorated with the surfboard sticker JJ put on it during lunch the other day, and she shakes her head.

"She's just trying to get under my skin. You were right, it wasn't worth it." Then, she tilts her head to the side as though in consideration. "Although, I'd love to see the look on her face if I'd've told her how fuckin' terrible she was in bed according to JJ."

The comment makes her friend tip her head back in a laugh that's been scarce ever since she started ignoring her in favor of spending her free time with her boyfriend. She wishes things didn't have to be this way, wishes she didn't have to feel the cold betrayal of Kie's neglect so often, but stuffs it down deep inside of her for now. At least she has these few moments with her. She's lucky she's not playing basketball because Pope's doing it—although whether the non-athletic boy is succeeding at it remains debatable.

Her eyes have since moved back to watching JJ across the field following her brief glance at where Kacey runs on the track. He's wearing the same old gym shirt he always does, but, for some reason, he looks particularly perfect in it today. Maybe it's the grown-out hair that he sweeps out of his face or the sweat shining on his muscular arms as he throws a shot, but she almost forgets about what happened as she stares.

Kie, once again, says something that distracts her, This time, she nearly breaks her neck in the effort to turn her head to look at her in response.

"Speak of the devil...did you hear about his new girl?"

Her heart dropped. Did they figure it out? Do they know about them hooking up? Did JJ tell them?

"What?" she asked, then shook her heard, "JJ doesn't have a 'girl', he doesn't date, like ever."

Considering how the night at the Cherry Bowl went, she knows firsthand. Yet even before her, he didn't like it. It isn't anything that has to do with her, or any of the other girls he's been with for that matter, it's something to do with him. Whatever it is, there's something he doesn't like about dating and relationships that has prevented him from seeking them out his whole life, and that isn't about to change.

Kie spares a glance at him on the basketball court, then scoots closer through the grass and into the small patch of dirt Y/N allows to stain her shorts for the time being.

"That's what I said too, but apparently he does now. He told Pope and I that her name is Steph, and you'd think the sun shines out of her ass with the way he talked about her. Like, no lie, he's actually simping for her. Can you believe it?"

Just like that, the hot-headed fury of the jealousy she felt in the locker room over his past fling with Satan incarnate comes back in full force. It's actually more intense than that though. This news hurts more due to the pain of him rejecting her not even three full days ago.

Liar.

The word pangs through her to the beat of a swift drum as she looks back at JJ on the basketball court again. He said he stopped seeing other girls after they started having sex, and now Kie's telling her he's dating someone other than her? If there's one thing this boy has, it's some audacity, because she has to hold herself back from marching across the field and giving him a piece of her mind.

Her eyes sting once again with the urge to cry, and she curses herself for letting him have such power over her emotions.

It's not like he's betrothed to her or anything, but has he no shame? Does he not remember what he told her a few weeks ago? Why did he even say he wasn't seeing other girls if it wasn't true? Was it to mess with her head? There's no way. The JJ she knows would never do something to purposely hurt her feelings.

Kie continues, saying, "He said she's new in town. Pope and I were shocked honestly. Since when does he date people?"

According to the liar himself, never, but now she knows it isn't true. He isn't against dating in general, he's against dating her. The truth lies in plain sight, and it's enough to shatter her heart into pieces: she's not good enough. This fear has taken up residence in the darker depths of her mind ever since they began their affair, but to find out it's true? For the second time this week, she must force herself not to cry in front of someone, and both times were caused by JJ not wanting her.

Y/N puts on a smile similar to the one she forced for the duration of the car ride home and shrugs, indifferent.

"Since now, I guess. Good for him. He deserves some happiness after all this shit we've been through, don't you think?"

JJ doesn't know why, but Y/N is pissed. Like super pissed. Like "won't say anything in response to what he or their friends say outside of super vague hums in agreement" pissed, and he cannot figure it out to save his life.

She was in great spirits this morning on their drive to school, or so he thought. She still stuck one of her stickers on his backpack like she always does, and she responded to everything he said in full sentences without staring blankly ahead and humming yes or no the way she currently does.

What happened in between this morning and now that made her mood shift to this non-verbal, buzzing rage? 'Cause if anyone said or did something rude to her, he'll lose his shit. It's been a dutiful effort for any of them to keep themselves from spiraling after their friends' deaths, himself included, but John B was her brother. It runs deeper for her in a way none of them, all without siblings, can understand, and he'll curse out anyone who threatens to ruin her stability right now.

The chatter of everyone flooding out of the school and into the parking lot fills the air around them on their way to the Twinkie. Deciding to hang out with her and JJ, a rarity in recent days, Pope and Kie opted for hitching a ride with them back to the Chateau to hang out for the night. If he weren't busy worrying about what happened to her, he'd take a second to be happy about it.

"I'm pretty sure I bombed that test, though," Kie says from behind where he and Y/N walk a step or two ahead to reach the parked van, "It was way harder than the practice questions let on, and she totally had stuff on there that wasn't in our lessons. It's such bullshit."

His eyes are cast sideways to get a good view of his favorite girl's faraway, scowling expression.

Seeing her this way physically hurts. Between the countless times she cried in his arms over John B, what happened when Kie blew her off at lunch, and now, he's seen her upset more times than he'd like to, and it never gets easier for him to cope with.

He recognizes that he holds some power over her emotions and always tries to use it help her, not hurt her, but right now there isn't much he can do in the presence of their friends due to her own secrecy rule. No matter how badly he wants to, he can't act in public the way they do alone, and it makes his heart ache.

The weight of her backpack strap, heavy with the thick textbooks and binders inside of her brother's old bag, on her shoulder is relieved as soon as she comes to a stop at the driver's side door to the Twinkie. It makes her brows furrow instantly, and she turns around in each direction to find out who snatched her bag up before her eyes settle on the very last person she wants to see right now.

JJ smiles down at her, his one crooked canine tooth poking out around his pink lips that look so kissable, she could—Wait, for fuck's sake, she's supposed to be mad, not wanting to kiss him!

Two backpacks now sit on his shoulders, his on the left and hers on the right. If it's too heavy for him, he doesn't let it show. Fuck him and his infuriating talent of knowing exactly when she needs him to be sweet, chivalrous JJ instead of the typical loud, joking, chaotic JJ she knows and loves. With Kie and Pope distracted with hopping inside of the van, they don't notice him reach down to squeeze her hand in reassurance, letting her know that whatever it was that was wrong, it would be alright.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

She smiles at him half-heartedly and turns around to get into the driver's seat with her keys swinging around on her forefinger, slamming it shut in a blind rage that her friends don't pick up on.

Who does he think he is?

One second he's using his sixth sense to notice her bad mood and carry her bag for her like a gentlemen, and the next he's running off to date his secret little girlfriend? Steph. What an evil girl. She likely isn't even evil, nor does she know that he's sort-of already spoken for, but for now she lets herself curse both JJ and his secret girlfriend for stabbing her in the back because she's too angry to think logically.

What hurts is that she probably isn't a bad person that she can justify hating.

She's likely sweet, and gorgeous, and not as traumatized and broken as her. She's probably everything Y/N isn't, and it hurts worse than any pain she's felt before. Why should he want her, anyway? All she does is cling to him like a leech and daydream about him loving her back one day.

This Steph girl probably does everything right with him, leaving him wondering and wanting more, not desperately grasping onto him as her life preserver in the sinking ship that is her shitty life. He doesn't deserve that. He has enough of his own shit to handle without her adding onto it.

Her hands grip the steering wheel hard enough to snap the bones in her fingers by the time the rest of her friends are all buckled up and waiting for her to start the car, and Pope's soft voice floats through the air to her ears.

"Are you okay?" he asks, and the other two look up to see her at the sound of his words, "You look like you're gonna be sick."

Is she okay? Emotionally draining question, in her opinion.

What classifies as okay when you've had a day as shitty as she has? First, her not-boyfriend pretty much broke up with her at the Cherry Bowl. Then, her not-boyfriend's old one night stand decided to taunt her in the locker room. And. finally, to put icing on the cake, Kiara so graciously informed her during gym that her not-boyfriend has found himself a brand-spanking-new girlfriend a mere two and half days since they "broke up" on their not-date.

No, she wishes she could say, she is not okay. In fact, she might scream if she turns and sees JJ's cute, worried eyes staring over at her the way they always are when she's like this. Does his girlfriend find them as beautiful as she does? She can't help but wonder more about her whenever she peeks over at him.

It was enough that she became jealous over him and Kacey's past together. She remembers standing there, steaming out of the ears with rage, and staring at her brother's bandana with the memory of his advice ringing through her head. Then, to hear the bad news tripled that jealousy. All she wants to do is go home, shower the gym sweat off of her, and cry under the hot stream of water until it turns freezing.

"I just—" she stammers the words out, about to make something up, when it hits her.

The bandana.

Where the fuck did John B's bandana go? A confirming glance to her wrist and a feel-up of her neck lets her know that it isn't tied onto her, and the first place she looks next is the rear view mirror she tied it to the other night.

No. No. No. This can't be happening. This day cannot possibly get worse.

The rest of her friends watch in confusion as she frantically turns her eyes to scan the van around her, leaning over JJ's lap to rip apart the glove compartment while they all ask her what's wrong. In truth, everything is wrong, but the bandana not being here is the worst thing that could happen. Screw JJ getting a girlfriend that isn't her, this is bad. Train wreck bad, like she's gonna have a panic attack bad, like you're the iceberg lookout of the Titanic bad.

She starts to breathe heavily as she yanks her backpack up from where it sat at JJ's feet and tears through every accessible pocket of it in a frenzy. The front pocket? No sign of it. The mesh side pocket intended for storing her water bottle? Empty. The main pocket? Nothing but books and binders. The last small inside zipper pocket? No bandana in sight.

JJ's voice shouting over the rest of them, including the millions of voices screaming inside of her head at different times and volumes, makes her look away from where she stares blankly inside the backpack and starts to cry.

"Y/N!"

His hand grasping her wrist and tugging it away from the backpack with a strength she never knew to expect from him is what ultimately gets her attention, and while she'd normally never shrink from his touch, she yanks her arm out of his hand immediately.

His eyes zero in on her panicked expression and the pace at which her chest rises and falls. Something is happening and she's not responding. His stomach drops with the helplessness of only being able to watch without getting through to her. He knows panic attacks well enough from his own experiences to see this for what it is.

"I—" she cuts herself off with a gasping inhale, tears starting to bloom around the brims of her eyes, and pulls her knees up onto the seat so she can hug them. "I had—" They all hang off of her trembling voice like it's gospel, and he's two seconds from force-feeding her an anxiety med he bought off of his cousin for himself. "I had a bad day, Kacey cornered me in the locker room, and I wanted to go home and relax, but I lost John B's bandana! I can't find it anywhere, JJ, I can't...I can't find it!"

The feeling of panic constricts her chest with the false mimicking of not being able to breathe enough, and, vulnerable to this trick, her fragile mind falls for it in the midst of her break down. She can't breathe, and John B's bandana is nowhere to be found...

Y/N rips open the driver's side door and lets herself slide down to the pavement onto her feet, hardly thinking straight except for the fact that she wants to stand outside of the car, not inside of it. The interior of it is marked with too many reminders of her brother—from his name carved on the ceiling to the forgotten trash he left that she refuses to pick up no matter how gross it makes her look when she gives people rides.

The outside air of fresh, but it does nothing to solve her issue of needing to breathe. Nothing can, not the sunshine peeking down at her through the filter of the treetops lining the grassy walkway above the curb where the van is parked, not her friends' questions, or the sound of the van doors opening and closing.

It's never going to be over.

She'll continue reliving the agony of losing him until she fades away forever, nothing more than a speck of dust buried deep into the earth, still weeping as a ghost over the boy that drove off into the storm and never returned. The wave of panic will extend until the end of her life. She sees no escape from it in its peak, and she can't even think of anything around her until she feels a pair of strong arms wrapping around her from behind.

Grounded to reality, JJ, Kie, and Pope were flinging themselves out of the van doors the second they saw her step outside and start sobbing. The former two watch in utter shock as JJ throws his arms around her and pulls her out of the path of the passing cars right in time to save her from getting hit.

Back to the safety found between the Twinkie and empty spot next to it, he barks an order at his friends, voice shaken with fear they all share, "In my bag, in the front pocket with the weed, there's a Xanax. Snap it in half and give it to me with your water bottle."

"Why do you have—"

"Just get me the fucking Xanax, Pope! Do you see her right now? She needs help!"

There's no further argument needed for the two of them to burst into action towards the backpack sitting on the ground in front of the van, unzipping and searching it as frantically as she had in search of the bandana.

It's not like it's dangerous or anything. He never takes it unless he's desperate and in the midst of the panic attack. Plus, his cousin is an EMT. It's not like he gives him pills laced with fentanyl, nor does he give him too many at a time. It's real shit. If there were any doubt of its reliability, he sure as hell wouldn't let her have it.

While they're busy tearing apart his backpack, JJ turns back to her with his arms, now loosening up with the knowledge that he'll only make her breathing worse if he holds too tight, still wrapped around her.

"Hey," he says softly, reaching up to brush her hair behind her ear as she chokes on her spit and hyperventilates, "I need you to breathe exactly like I do. You feel me breathing, right? Just do that for me. That's all you need to do."

He knew it.

He knew something was wrong the second he saw her again when they met up to go home together, and he should've asked. He should've done something to get ahead of this, but now she's freaking out and there's hardly anything he can do about it. She said something about Kacey too, and he doesn't care if she's a girl, when he sees her after this, they're gonna have it out. Nobody is allowed to make her feel this way. Over his dead body.

The body in his arms trembles with the force of her cries, and he starts to cry too. He can't help how seeing her go through this makes him feel, even if it's obvious at this point to their friends. He doesn't give a shit. She needs him, not the fake version of him he acts as when other people are looking. She needs her JJ.

"Pope! Kie!" he shouts, then softens his voice when she flinches in the other direction of him, "I need the pill. She's gonna make herself pass out breathing like this."

It happened too quickly to react to.

He didn't have the time to prep himself for it or reach into his bag when he had the initial instinct to give her the pill in the first place before things took a nosedive into detrimental territory, but that's how these things go. It isn't always gradual. Sometimes all it takes are small things building before one more trigger snaps your last scrap of sanity.

"It's not my fault your bag is so fucking unorganized, it wasn't even in that pocket, JJ! I'm trying!" Kie yells back at him.

Her hands shake on the zipper of the last pocket she and Pope had yet to look into, and she lets out a cry of relief at the sight of the small ziploc with a single bar of Xanax sitting at the bottom of it. The angels might as well be singing at the sight of it in her mind, because the relief she feels knowing it'll calm her friend down is immeasurable.

They rush over to where she and JJ are slumped against the side of the van together, and they've gone from standing to sitting in a heap against the front tire. Her body is fixed between his legs, his arms holding her in against him, and he's leaned forward to prop his chin on her shoulder as he whispers things they can't hear to her.

Kie and Pope kneel down in front of her. The gravelly pavement scrapes her knees through the slits in her distressed jeans, but she doesn't feel it through the adrenaline pumping into her in the process of giving him the pill. It drops into the palm of his hand, almost onto the ground, and he doesn't have the time to spare a thank you. They're all too focused on her to bother with formalities.

"Open up," JJ says, gesturing to her mouth, and when she's too lost in her mind to do it, he reaches with his other hand to tap her repeatedly on the shoulder. "Y/N. Open your mouth."

With the stress of the situation having its affect on him, it's difficult not to raise his voice when she doesn't comply with the commands that'll only help her in the end. But she's not mentally here right now, and it takes a few seconds of them all getting her attention for her to do what he asked.

Pope has the good sense to tell her before he sets the halved dose onto her tongue, "He's giving you a pill, so keep it on your tongue for a second, okay?"

In her muddled, panicked state, she hums in response, and they all take victory in the small improvement. A non-verbal response is better than being wholly unresponsive. It's getting better for now.

The pill merely sits on her tongue for a half-second before Kie is uncapping her hydroflask and handing it off to JJ for him to help her with. He raises the edge of the bottle to her lips, pouring in enough so she can take the pill but not too much, and watches her swallow it before bringing it back for another mouthful for good measure.

Once the pill is swallowed, and Kie checks her tongue to make sure it went down, there's nothing to do except sit back and help her through it until it kicks in.

The one time he used it, it halted his panic attack in its tracks tracks about fifteen or twenty minutes in, but Ricky told him it can work as soon as ten minutes later or up to thirty minutes. It depends on the person taking it and the dosage, but it's generally fast-acting, which was the whole reason he bought two off of him for these situations. The thing is, he didn't think he'd have to use it on her.

JJ takes deep, stabilizing breaths, not only for her to take as an example, but because he felt like he couldn't breathe along with her until they got her to swallow that pill. The feeling of her body's warm pressing up against his chest keeps him sane for the time being, and he lets his face tilt down to rest on the back of her neck, nuzzling into her hair and savoring the familiar scent of her coconut shampoo.

"Keep breathing," he whispers, and he knows she hears him this time based on how her chest struggles with the conscious effort of her trying to match his breathing pattern beneath the hand resting there.

Y/N starts to come down from the peak of her sudden panic attack after another ten minutes of sitting here, with JJ clinging to her and her friends knelt with their hands in hers, and blinks her tired eyes against the harsh sunlight glaring down at them. Ricky was right about it working quickly, then, 'cause it kicked it fast with her. She obviously isn't up to normal standards within the span of ten minutes, but she isn't on the verge of passing out, so they all take a collective sigh of relief when she starts to return to them.

The first thing she says, after an additional ten minutes of them all sitting there with her on the ground of the deserted parking lot, is, "I'm so exhausted."

The sound of the water in the marsh lapping at the edge of the land connecting to the dock keeps her from crumbling. Well, that and the Xanax barely lingering in her system from hours ago when her friends forced-fed the drug to her. The bitter taste lingered on her tongue in the moment after she swallowed it, but JJ, knowing from when he split one to take in the midst of a panic attack, cared enough to remember that and give her another swig of water to wash it away.

Most of what occurred after her sudden meltdown in the school parking lot is hazy to her. The time in which she and JJ sat there together, with her hands outstretched to hold onto Pope and Kie, felt like an eternity, but she knows based on the time on JJ's phone when he pulled it out that it wouldn't have been longer than twenty minutes. That memory skips straight into waking up alone in her bed in the Chateau, and it's not like she expected him to stay, but she wanted him to.

It's not his obligation to take care of her. That's her own responsibility, and she knows that her feelings since John B and Sarah died have been all too dependent on JJ. It isn't healthy. She knows it isn't, but she doesn't need the same things from him that she did back then. She doesn't need him to fix her, or put her back together. What she wants is for him to be here. That's it.

Yet he isn't. He dropped her off here after they helped her through the meltdown and left her alone, and she wishes she didn't have to accept the fact that they're never going to become what she wants them to.

Y/N snuggles further into the sleeping bag she dug out of the hallway closet and stares at the formidable wall of tree bark towering in front of her. The tip of her finger traces the grooves in the old magnolia's wood, studying the dips and curves as though it's the most interesting thing in the universe to distract herself. Further up above where her fingertips can reach sits the carving JJ made of her brother's headstone into tree.

It felt right to come here.

Once she woke from her drug-induced drowsiness and remembered the absence of her brother's coveted bandana, she didn't feel the same panic as before. Instead, a crushing wave of melancholy washed over her as soon as the memory of today returned, and she didn't know what else to do. Without any of her friends here, or her brother alive, she did the closest thing she could to knocking on John B's bedroom door after a nightmare and asking if she could sleep in his room for the night.

Laying in his sleeping bag with her head resting on a pillow, she tries to fall asleep at the foot of the tree where they buried the box of letters for him. For her, this is his resting place, not a place at the bottom of the ocean for him to moulder away forever. Sometimes, she sits here, and if she closes her eyes to pretend for a while, it feels like he's with her.

Her tear ducts, exhausted and overworked from her sobbing aggressively enough to give herself a headache back at the school parking lot, have dried up. At this point, there are no tears left to cry, and she finds comfort in it. Knowing that there's nothing left to do but feel these emotions and let them go lifts a weight off of her shoulders that she hadn't realized was there.

The white noise of chirping birds, the current of the marsh, and the HMS Pogue hitting the dock every other second is torn through by the sudden sound of a bike's engine approaching from down the street.

She takes a deep breath.

The least important aspect of the events leading to her panic attack was what happened with JJ, but it was part of it. It isn't even something she wants to hold against him at this point. Sure, it was shitty of him to lie, but wasn't it shitty of her to place expectations on him when they weren't even together? If she wanted more, she shouldn't have said she was okay with it not being a date.

Soon, the rumbling sound of JJ's bike comes to halt not fifteen feet from where she rests her head under the magnolia tree, and she finally decides she's going to work up the courage to say it. It's time to rip the bandaid off and tell him everything. No more miscommunication, and if he still wants to be friends with her, that's the best outcome.

JJ steps on fallen leaves and twigs in his path on his way to her, tossing his forgotten backpack into the dirt beside his parked bike, and the footsteps she hears come to a stop right behind her.

This is it.

She's gonna end this relationship and let him be happy with his new girlfriend. Her chest is already rising with the deep inhale she needs to keep herself calm, and her mouth opens to speak the dreaded words to set them free when—

"My dad's going to jail for the restitution."

That was the last thing she expected to come out of his mouth when she heard him drive up.

The times where JJ has brought up his father willingly in conversation with her are scarce, enough so that this spontaneous confession stops her short before she can consider saying anything regarding what Kiara told her today. The restitution never faded from either of their minds since they lost out on the gold to Ward Cameron. It weighed on him quite heavily, worrying him in quieter moments about the day he'd have to answer for his crime and do time in jail, but what he hadn't expected was his dad to have to take responsibility for it.

It makes sense to her when she thinks of it. With Luke being his legal guardian, he bears responsibility too, and with JJ unable to produce the immense sum of money that fast, it falls on him. But how would he knows that happened if he didn't go home—

Y/N whips her head around, body shifting in the confines of the sizeable sleeping bag in a rush to turn and see if he's okay. What she's met with is a sight she hasn't had the displeasure of seeing since before John B died.

The angular face that was unmarred by injury and smiling at her this morning is now set in a permanent frown. Bruises bloom against the backdrop of tanned skin, one along his cheekbone and another circling his eye, and she's sure there are more beneath his clothes. His lower lip is split open and scabbed over with a grotesque build-up of fresh blood that can't be more than an hour or so old.

Her blood runs hot with a familiar sense of fury, but it's underscored by a sorrow so different to the one she feels in mourning John B, it makes her heart hurt on behalf of him. How could anyone look at JJ and find themselves compelled to hurt him? How dare his dad touch a single hair on his head?

There's nothing she can say as she stares at him in shock.

Today was never-ending. From the second she woke up with the bitterness of what happened at the Cherry Bowl, which now feels insignificant by comparison, to this gut-wrenching moment, these past fourteen hours might as well have been a year to her. And in the eye of the storm, she finds a sense of clarity surrounding her relationship with JJ at this moment in time.

Neither of them are ready to have the conversation necessary to sort out the convoluted mess that is their feelings for each other. After her mental breakdown and his encounter with his dad, neither of them have enough bandwidth to support the rational, mature attitudes needed for it, so she decides it doesn't need to happen. At least, not yet.

They are best friends before they are anything else to each other, and, right now, it seems like they both need their best friend. Not to fix them, or hold them together when they're broken, but to be there. To simply exist within the mutual understanding they've always retained for one another. No strings attached.

Though it hasn't been long since the confession left his mouth, it's starting to verge into glaringly loud silence by the time she finally nods, unzips the side of the sleeping bag, and holds it open in a wordless invitation for him.

JJ's entire body relaxes upon seeing her gesture for him to join her, and those teary eyes of his become heavier at the promise of the rest that'll soon find him in her arms. There's a short pause for him to unlace his boots and slip them off, but he's laying beside her before either of them realize it, securing his arms around her body. With the way he holds onto her, one would wonder if he thinks she'll be taken away if he doesn't keep her as close as possible.

He didn't abandon her after the Pogues brought her back to her room.

Kiara drove them to the Chateau with her and JJ huddled up together in the backseat as soon as she was calm enough to speak. Though, once they were sat down together and buckled in, the instantaneous drowsiness of the drug she has no tolerance for hit her at once, and she let herself get dragged under into unconsciousness with her face buried into his neck—something their friends did not care to question. Any one of them would offer that comfort for each other in a time of need, it wasn't suspicious that it happened to be him this time.

Their friends departed an hour after they returned her to her bedroom and assured she was safe there, but he needed to pack a bag for the next few days if he planned to stay the night with her, so he decided to pop over to his house for his things. It was supposed to be a quick affair, in and out with no complications in less than twenty minutes since his dad was supposed to be working, but it wasn't. As luck would have it, his dad got fired from his job the day before. To add insult to injury, his dad had ammunition to use against him in their argument this time, and there was no reasoning with him.

She should've known. Shame floods her at the realization of why he wasn't here when she woke up, and while she was too busy assuming he didn't care about her, he was being beaten half to death by his dad.

The feeling of his body shuddering against hers with the first few warning signs that he's about to break down into tears—full-on sobbing tears—and she can't help but let a few of her own fall down her cheeks in reaction. He tries not to cry in front of anyone, a fact she knew ever since they were little when he fell off his skateboard and scraped up the side of his leg with the outright refusal to let himself cry in the presence of their friends, and she didn't know it was because of his dad until recently.

He let it slip one day, not even thinking about what he was saying when he told her that crying got him "punished" when he was little. It first happened after his mom ran out on them, and him, being an innocent, helpless child, cried and cried over it for hours. It was wasn't long before Luke lost his patience with hearing it and...That was the first time JJ was ever hit by his dad before, and, unfortunately, it would not be the last.

It isn't lost on her what this means to him. The fact that she's the person he goes to, that he's allowing himself to cry with her here, means he trusts her more than she ever thought he did, and she doesn't know what to do with it.

There's a pause, him sucking in a shaky breath, then he whispers, "I wish I didn't still love him. Who the fuck loves someone when they treat you like this?"

His head rests on her sternum, his legs slotted perfectly in the gap between hers, and she runs her fingers through his hair in a repetitive, soothing motion that keeps him tethered to her for stability.

"I think," she says softly, staring up at the fluttering leaves above them, "that you have a really big heart and you can't help it, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You're hardwired to love him because he's your dad, you know?"

The most of a response he can give is a hum into the soft skin of her chest, letting his grip on her relax the more his cries start to lessen in response to having her here.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

He feels the vibration of her speaking the word, "No," into the open late-night air above them where his head rests on her body.

"Me either."

Of course she isn't okay. He already knew the answer before he asked the question, but perhaps some blindly hopeful part of him prayed that she would be. After what he saw her go through, something he was accustomed to seeing in the first two weeks following her brother's death, he wishes that the answer to that question will always be yes when he asks.

He isn't sure that he's felt helplessness the same way he did today. Knowing that she was suffering and having no way to help except dosing her with an anxiety pill and hoping for the best...it was torture. He wouldn't say he's a devout believer in God, but he was two seconds away from praying to anyone that would listen as he sat on the ground behind her with his face pressed into her back, waiting for it to pass.

Her breaths are steady and even as he counts them, and her heartbeat is slowing with the approach of her falling asleep. If he were to look up at her face for the first time since laying down with her, he'd find her eyes fluttered shut in pursuit of the sweet reprieve to be found in sleep, and he knows what it feels like. It's what he feels currently.

Sleep is the closest thing they can find to death.

It's dark and peaceful, void of any ill feelings or thought short of the dreams or nightmares that sometimes greet them there, and it's the only place to escape to when your greatest enemy is your own traitorous mind. For JJ, his biggest enemy isn't his dad, it's himself. It's the thoughts that bombard him until he either drinks himself to sleep or exhausts himself with a panic attack, and the one cure to it is falling asleep.

And it may be too dark of a thought for him to share, but that's why dying doesn't seem too bad to him sometimes. It's not that he wants to die, or that he has any plans, but he can't deny the appeal sometimes. It's quiet. It's peaceful. It's a relief from the endless shitshow he calls life, and he can tell without having to ask her that she shares the sentiment today.

The thing is, there's one thing he'd miss if he weren't here, and when he lifts his head up to find her soft, sleeping face tilted to the side to face the tree, he knows.

The nighttime breeze blows the strands of honeyed hair from his face as he watches her in sheer, unadulterated reverence.

Sometimes, there are moments where everything feels correct. The planets move to their desired positions, the circumstances force a new train of thought, and there is nothing left to do except sit back and let it happen. This is one of those moments for him. Before tonight, he had his suspicions and hints that he denied the validity of, but there is no denying it anymore.

He sighs to himself. Not an annoyed, exasperated sigh, but a sigh of acceptance and longing that has remained trapped inside of him since he was a seven year old boy, letting his best friend's little sister ride a wave with him on his board because he loved the sound of her laugh when they did it. He never stood a chance, did he?

JJ reaches up to touch her face but stops at the last second, hovering over her cheek as though he's afraid she'll burn him upon contact, and he settles for brushing a lock of hair behind her ear as gently as he can without waking her. His voice is a hardly-audible whisper when he confesses to her sleeping form, knowing she won't be able to hold him to it.

"I love you."

When he falls asleep, he finds himself holding onto consciousness uncharacteristically, and he knows it's because he'll miss her too much for the next eight hours to go under without a fight.

Maybe dying isn't all he built it up to be.

Tag List: @gabiatthedisco, @fangirlvoice, @black-syren

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank smut #obx #outer banks #fanfiction #obx s2

185 notes · View notes