#like isn't he queer himself??

[starrylayle]

Sophie and Agatha don’t need to be a couple to be queer.

I really dislike the rhetoric that if agaphie isn’t canon, than Agatha and Sophie are straight. They are both EXTREMELY queer coded as just individuals. (tbh so many of the sge characters are -- that series is the gayest fucking heteronormative shit I have ever laid eyes on smh) 

Let’s start with Agatha, coz hers is the most obvious. That girl is a bisexual through and through. From the start, she is already deemed an outsider by her village; that Randy guy or whatever even says that she “has no friends and is queer”.  So, from the get-go, Agatha is already different. She also doesn’t fit into the conventional notions of femininity. She doesn’t like very traditional feminine activities. In the books, she dresses goth as opposed to the very ‘girly’ girls in her village. In the movies, she dresses in a very androgynous/masc style. (also keep in mind that this series is 19th inspired — so what was considered gnc is gonna be different)

When she’s sent to the school for good, she is forced into roles of femininity that she never had to before. However, as much as she hates it, she still wants to be perceived as beautiful and normal, hence the famous dovey ‘you’re beautiful just the way you are’ scene. 

Now from then on, i wish that instead of deciding to change herself and beecome very feminine, Agatha, decides to accept who she is, and maybe even wears a suit to the dance or smth. Now, alot of people argue that Agatha had to unlearn her internalised misogyny, which she definitely had a lot of; please remember that alot of this misogyny came from never being accepted as the girl that she was in her home town. Once Dovey accepts her and tells her that she’s beautiful, Agatha is able to feel more confident and secure in gender presentation more than ever while ALSO accepting the girls around her who are more feminine.

Ok, now moving onto Sophie. that girl is the biggest comphet lesbian i have ever seen. Like please, her attraction to men is not geniune in the slightest. Her crush on Tedros was more about securing her status as the princess she always wanted to be, her crush on Rafal was also about status, and the desperate need to feel loved and wanted by somebody. And as for Rhian, I assume she just wanted to feel loved properly after her failed relationships (don’t even get me started on hort -- she settled for that boy big time and i’m still mad about it).

I definitely think that before the sisters plot she had a crush on agatha (and agatha had a crush on her lol) and later on she was def in love with Nicola -- No i will not elaborate (ok perhaps i will but on a seperate post lmao).

Anyways, as much as i wish Agaphie had been canon, I wish at least we got a confirmation that Agatha is bi & gnc (or perhaps nb??) and that Sophie is a lesbian with comphet. They are both so fucking queer coded and we deserved it. Having hope that this is addressed in the movie. 

Also lets not even get started on Tedros’ bi coding lol.

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

VERY interesting that this moment took place in the "woman in house and wilson's building thinks they're gay/dating" episode

also. hugh laurie's little smirk here really adds a certain . . . dimension to this moment that would not be there if he'd responded to the joke in a different way

[silverwhittlingknife]

hi Silver! o/ because that fanart made me wonder - would you happen to know when/where Dick's stuffed elephant plush Zitka turns up in the comics?

GREETINGS CAM <3333 THAT ART WAS SO CUTE

Yeah, I think your instincts are right - it's a truly adorable bit of transformative fandom, but I'm 95% percent sure it's not comics canon. Barbara has canon plushies, but I don't think anyone else does.

I got kinda invested in the investigation (it's hard to prove a negative!) and I ended up typing out an entire History of Elinore/Zitka, so, uh, if you're curious, meet me below the cut for:

Where does Elinore / Zitka - the animal - appear in comics?

Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?

Where does Elinore / Zitka appear in comics?

We're gonna go in chronological order!

Dick's circus elephant friend was first created for practical reasons: in Batman 436, Marv Wolfman does a big expanded flashback to Dick's circus backstory as a way to subtly show us Tim before officially introducing him (so that we can have a technically-solvable mystery-of-Tim's-identity in LPoD). In this comic, there's an elephant named Elinore who loves Dick:

Aww. Such a cute elephant!

Batman 436 comes out in August 1989. New Titans 60 comes out a few months later, in November, and guess what? When Dick visits the circus, he is suddenly surprised by an unexpected blast from the past! It turns out that even though it's been years, Elinore still remembers him!

Here's the part where Elinore remembers Dick:

SUCH a cute elephant. I love her.

(Guess who else still remembers Dick even though it was so long ago. Guess which other character is about to be an unexpected blast from the past. Guess which character Elinore is directly paralleling guess guess guess sorry everything is about Dick and Tim in my mind but I can focus I swear)

Four years later, in 1993, Batman: The Animated Series retells Dick's origin story. They like and keep Wolfman's elephant, but they change her name to Zitka:

Wolfman doesn't return to the elephant beyond those two appearances, and a few years down the line, New Titans gets cancelled and Wolfman's not writing Dick anymore anyway. So the animal gets abandoned for a while, until Devin Grayson, a fan of both Wolfman and B:tAS, revives the Wolfman-era Titans team in JLA/Titans and then the ongoing series Titans 1999.

Grayson then brings back the elephant in a flashback to Dick's past in Titans 16 (Jun 2000), where she imports the B:tAS name. Sometimes I'm skeptical of TV-to-comics imports, but honestly, I endorse this one. You lose the alliteration, which is a shame, but IMO Zitka is a better elephant name than Elinore.

Here's Dick with the newly-christened Zitka in Titans 16:

Grayson also briefly references the elephant in Gotham Knights 20 and - in a final angsty callback - in Nightwing 88 (Feb 2004), where Zitka tries futilely to comfort Dick in the midst of his trauma conga line:

... And... honestly, I think that's it for comic appearances? The two Wolfman comics plus the three Grayson comics.

Both Wolfman and Grayson are writing multiple titles - Batman, New Titans, Titans, Gotham Knights, and Nightwing between the two of them, spanning a big chunk of Dick's post-Crisis canon - and both writers use the elephant for heartwarming moments of nostalgia, which means if you're doing a post-Crisis readthrough for Dick, Elinore/Zitka feels memorable. But I don't think she actually shows up that much.

For post-2011, I am not as well-informed - throwing this out to the dash? anyone know? - but I feel like Zitka the heartwarming symbol of Dick's heartwarming circus past is, uh, thematically very at odds with the Court of Owls evil!circus vibes, so my instinct is that this story element was almost certainly dropped in the reboot.

Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?

In WFA, yes; in main comics continuity, no. Technically, I have not read every comic ever published, so I could be wrong!! But I don't think so.

Below, find my rambling reasoning on the tonal vibes of pre-Crisis, post-Crisis, and post-2011, and why this particular story element doesn't seem right to me for the first two.

Pre-Crisis (...okay, mostly the Silver Age): stuffed animal, yes or no?

tl;dr no, requires too much background knowledge on the part of the reader, plus the elephant wasn't a thing until later

Elinore doesn't get created until post-Crisis, but also just generally, pre-Crisis callbacks are more along the lines of this reference in Batman 129 (published in 1960), where, wow, Batman and Robin are hunting jewel thieves - and it turns out Robin recognized this strongman! BUT HOW?!

The comic goes on to recap Dick's entire origin story in flashback, on the assumption that you may not know it.

(BTW, if you'd like to know more about Haly's Circus throughout the years, nightwingology has a great post here summarizing a lot of fun plotlines and characters!)

Basically: Silver Age comics are very self-consciously episodic and kid-friendly; they're not generally gonna do overly-elaborate callbacks because they don't know what comics their kid readers may have randomly picked up or remember.

By the time of post-Crisis, comic books were being written for an adult audience buying from the direct market, i.e. readers who are collecting whole runs & don't need or want Dick's origin story to be recapped to us in full every time it's referenced. That's why in post-Crisis, we get stuff like "hey, neat, this particular soda brand is getting mentioned in several different books!!" or "in order to understand this story arc, buy SIXTEEN DIFFERENT COMICS in FIVE DIFFERENT RUNS and read them ALL ACCORDING TO A NUMBERED ORDER and also you better be following the individual plotlines and recognize these five minor characters who we don't bother to introduce!! Good luck!!" But the elaborate post-Crisis plotlines - and subtler worldbuilding like a stuffed animal callback to Dick's backstory - don't make a lot of story sense UNLESS you're imagining your readers as completionist adult fans.

So IMO a stuffed animal wouldn't be a pre-Crisis thing unless it was The Episodic Story Of the Week, and I don't think a stuffed animal is action-adventure-y enough for the fast-paced storytelling of the Silver Age. (Unless it, like, came to life and tried to eat you or something.)

Post-Crisis: stuffed animals, yes or no?

tl;dr: no, Dick's a manly tough guy, he's not gonna have a stuffed animal, that'd be lame, like something Tim might do

Part of the edgy grimdark adult vibes in 80s/90s comics is that some characters who used to be kinda silly & goofy & lighthearted - like Batman and Robin - get reimagined as Serious and Angsty and Edgy in a Tough Cool Manly Brooding Way. This massively affects characterization for Bruce, Dick, and Bruce and Dick's relationship.

(I obviously love this change & love the tense Bruce-and-Dick interactions, but plenty of fans of the earlier fluffy comics really disliked the edgy retcons of Miller / Wolfman / Starlin / et al.)

The upshot is that post-Crisis is a period when you could have a recurring reference like a stuffed elephant, but you wouldn't have a stuffed elephant, not for Dick. I think a toy like that would be too cutesy / childish / effeminate to give a male character in post-Crisis, unless you were poking fun at him.

Now, you could probably let Tim have a stuffed animal, because Tim is sometimes cool but also sometimes a tryhard loser who is faking being cool and not entirely pulling it off (see e.g. the Robin comic where he practices tough-guy faces in the mirror, or the Teen Titans comic where Conner discovers his cringy Enya CD, or when he's fanboying over Connor and it's awkward, etc etc.). A stuffed animal would be deeply embarrassing, and you'd have to be careful to compensate by having Tim do something cool afterward - but Tim's character concept allows for "he's kind of a loser sometimes."

But Dick isn't!! In post-Crisis, Dick's a tough / impressive / "cool guy" character, the kind of guy anyone would want to be, even in the flashbacks where he's Robin, and even in the stories where he's more lighthearted than angsty. It'd be kinda lame for Dick to have a stuffed elephant, so he wouldn't. I feel like Dick would be more likely to poke fun at it if someone had one, like when he's making fun of Wally for liking the Hardy Boys. Dick could have a Batman action figure, at most, and if he had one he would have it ironically.

Basically: in post-Crisis, a male character hugging a stuffed elephant feels more likely to be a punchline to me, not something poignant. (Even with Tim, Tim could have an embarrassing stuffed animal, but he couldn't hug it when sad - that's too far. Maybe Booster Gold might do this. Probably he wouldn't, but spiritually, he would. Sorry Booster ilu! <3)

Instead, Dick instinctively deals with his inner turmoil like the TORTURED ACTION HERO he is: by punching things and brooding and yelling and joining the mob and sleeping on rooftops and going on obsessive secret missions and acquiring Angsty Stubble!! Just like Batman!

(Technically I don't know if Bruce ever joined the mob but you know he would.)

Anyway as you know this is my favorite continuity and I am poking fun affectionately, but uh, yeah sdfsfdsfs. No stuffed animals.

Post-2011 / Infinite Frontier / Wayne Family Adventures: stuffed animals, yes or no?

tl;dr it's in WFA! Probably not anywhere else, but it could be.

Post-2011 stuff tends to be cutesier overall, most of all in the current Infinite Frontier era. So I don't feel like this would be tonally out-of-line with IF comics. Taylor tends to go for more meme-y references rather than fanfic references, though.

So the obvious best fit is WFA, which is aiming for a rough approximation of Silver Age family-friendly vibes - wholesome, episodic plots, Teaching Good Moral Lessons For The Youth, etc. - plus lots of Easter eggs for fanfic readers and some comic references.

And look, here we are:

Aww.

Whew - that's everything I could find!

Anyway as you can probably tell, I LOVE the elephant, so this was a very entertaining rabbit hole to go down, thank you <3

[datshitrandom]

How was to be in a gay relationship (klaine) on screen?

“It was fucking awesome man. I mean the main thing here, like not because I’m trying to be blasé about the obvious thing in this question because we are saying that this is a gay relationship, nowadays, we just call it a relationship on tv, but to contextualize it, a gay relationship on mainstream Fox Network, that’s a pretty cool thing to be a part of. I often equate my relationship to that whole experience to Slumdog Millionaire which is, if you are familiar with Slumdog Millionaire is a kid that gets ask a bunch of questions and he just so happens to have the experience to answer this very specific things, now being cisgender straight kid you go 'oh oh what? are you going to allow this guy to talk gay shit?', I’ve been so culturally queer my whole life, not because I’m trying you know, actually, I was gonna say not because I’m trying to be cool but I’m gonna erase that, is because I am trying to be cool. All the sh— in my life that I have tried to emulate, learn from and be inspired by are one hundred percent queer as f—. It was in queer communities that I’ve found people that I idolize, that I want to be, to learn something from. And I’d say that’s a gross generalization, that’s a lot of things and a lot of people. But I grew up in San Francisco in the ’90s. I watched men die. There was an awareness of the gay experience that was not a foreign concept to me. So, it was a narrative that I cared deeply about. I wasn’t like a f— saint or like 'I’m the man for the job', they hired me and they said, 'You’re the guy,' and I said, 'Okay, I’m the guy I will do my best, I will do my best to talk about it in the way I believe and a way that I’m passionate about'. So in many ways I’m glad that it was me because it was a thing that I really like showing up for and it meant a great deal to me that it meant a great deal to other people. Because when people say they were affected by that show or that relationship, it’s not because of me, it’s because of that relationship on a TV and the risks that people took to put that on TV and most important of all it took the people watching it to have the "aptitude" for seeing beyond what was maybe given to them in other avenues of culture. People of all ages, all spectrums of awareness say, 'I didn’t grow up with a show like that and it was a really meaningful thing for me to see,’ and I go ‘I didn’t grow up with a show like that’ and that would’ve been very meaningful for me too, you know?, regardless of the fact that I’m a straight kid. That has value. For anyone who’s been an underdog, we all know, in any shape or form — sexual, religious, biological, whatever — it has value because there’s going to be a lot of people who see that and go, 'Okay, I can now understand this in a context that maybe I wasn’t able to before'. So short story long, what was it like? It was a fucking privilege and I love talking about it and I’m so grateful I got to do it." - Darren Criss at the Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo Q&A | April 27th, 2024 

[rushingheadlong]

You know something I don't think I've ever seen people talk about is how Freddie changed the lyrics for Big Spender.

Because in case you don't know, all original versions of the song are sung by women - and it is made very clear that they are singing to men:

The minute you walked in the joint I could see you were a man of distinction A real big spender [....] So let me get right to the point: I don't pop my cork for every man I see Hey, big spender Spend a little time with me

Probably not too surprising, then, that when Queen performed this song in 1974 Freddie had to do a bit of a gender-switch on it:

Though, it would probably be more accurate to say that Freddie made this song gender-neutral because he didn't change it to be about a woman. He eliminated the first use of "man" entirely and then sang "I don't pop my cork for everyone I see" (instead of "every man").

And honestly there's probably a whole dissertation you could write just about those changes alone, but what I really love is when Queen brought the song back in 1986 and Freddie changed the lyrics again:

Because yes he still dropped the first "man" but the "everyone" is changed and Freddie instead sang "every guy" with just the barest hint of a "-rl" sound at the end to give him plausible deniability if anyone asked about it.

So much of Freddie's music speaks to his experiences as a queer man but, because of the nature of the times in which he lived, he couldn't always be directly open about that fact. Most of his love songs are intentionally vague, and he sang about "somebody" or "you" to avoid having to use gendered terms as much as possible.

Freddie singing "I don't pop my cork for every GUYrl I see" wasn't just an adjustment to the original lyrics, it was a specific change from how Freddie had sang it before in order to make it more gay in a way that he could rarely be with his own music, and that is what I adore about this. It's such a little thing, but it gives such a unique insight into how Freddie balanced his sexuality and his stardom, and how the relationship between those two changed over the nearly 12 years between these performances.

[ihavetoomanyocsdealwithit]

I haven't made it through all of Rook's story yet, but this is kind of the vibe I get from Rook Hunt so far.

He got tired of admiring beauty. He wanted to be beautiful. More accurately, he wanted to feel beautiful. Instead of looking on from a stage or from a distance he wanted to have the soft silk, plush fabrics, the color and vibrancy, and feel as good about himself as those things do against his skin.

I think that's what Vil offered him the most was somebody who could teach how to create the image he wanted for and allowed him to try all the things he was scared of, but he ultimately let Rook decide how he was going to do that.

Perhaps the bob cut isn't the most flattering for him, but it's the cut that makes him feel beautiful. Perhaps his Beans Camo and Port Wear flatter him more, but he clearly drifts into the more refined cuts and fabrics.

That's why he has conviction in his beauty and admires that conviction in others, and why he pulled his vote. He doesn't need the world to tell him he's beautiful, he already feels that way because he decided he was.

I don't know, I just love a character that crafts themselves into who they want, despite or because of the struggles around them, and then encourages others to do the same.

[theflyingfeeling]

Aleksi sitting Like That™ on his Twitch streams, a compilation

thanks bye~

[thediktatortot]

It sucks how a fairly large demographic of Gen Z that makes up the online community they have are REALLY just falling into the same emotional patterns as Boomers usually do in every day life.

Asking for help isn't a childish thing. It's okay to ask for help, it's GOOD to ask for help if you need it. Not asking for help isn't an 'adult' thing to do, that's just plain ol setting yourself up for failure.

Let's do away with the Boot Strap theory and start accepting help and helping each other in our communities.

[gayofthefae]

It's starting to be real and I'm starting to think sad thoughts like "part of me wishes Mike's arc was just contrived uncreative bullshit because he wouldn't have to go through queer trauma and that side of it wouldn't be real"

He is a character who represents something and that's why it's important that ISN'T true just so he continues to represent that thing but I guess he's already represented it a little too well.

It's very Mike of me. To say "it's okay, you can still fix this" in a desperate attempt for him to not have to go through it. But it's been true since the show was pitched and he's been going through it. Projecting my internalized harbored secret desire that comes every once in a while to have the ease that the straights have onto the pile of other queer trauma I relate to him.

[spring-lxcked]

i know will is pretty perpetually in the closet because of The Times but i do unironically think he owns a pride flag with the original gil.bert bak.er design and. he never really gets to like. . . hang it up or anything because it was 1978 at the earliest (likely a few years later), but he has it packed away with some other belongings. the only situation where he would consider taking it out and hanging it up would be post-divorce and if his kids knew he was queer. even then, it'd be like. in his bedroom.

[saxifactumterritum]

I can't really stop thinking about Jeeves putting on/taking off his drag in Bertie Wooster's room. sitting at his little fancy table with the mirror (I do know the word I've forgotten it).

[vegaseatsass]

Theory of Love is definitely one of the hardest BLs to take seriously that I've watched so far (NOBODY SPOIL ME PLS I am up to ep6 and hoping we're gonna switch at some point from Gun POV to Off POV and turn the perspective on its wet-from-water-bottle-showering head, but I don't KNOW for SURE so don't tell meeee) but one thing I'm really vibing with is just how well it captures the sheer disastrousness of disastrous gay friendships!!!

I don't love watching a bunch of dudes be toxically masculine @ every girl that walks past them (though I understand that this performance is the sibling to the boy craziness I performed at all the girls I was in love with in grade school), but I just love the dynamic within the friends group of like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHY ARE OUR FRIENDS SUDDENLY ALWAYS MAD AT EACH OTHER??? WHERE IS ALL THIS DRAMA COMING FROM?????

The drama is coming from Disastrous Queer Friendship. From two friends who cannot/will not communicate how they feel for each other or why "just" friendship is not working. There is no escaping it my guys all you can do is ride the ship through the storm at your bros' side

[thedorkdionysia]

if you're making a lot of posts speculating about ncuti gatwa's sexuality based on a single comment made by one of the actors who's most likely going to be in just a few specials with him and not actually anything ncuti has said himself and you are now including that speculation in all your discussion of his future run in doctor who I hope you always trim one of your fingernails too short

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

having a lot of inarticulate thoughts about pericles' genderousness this evening, in particular how i imagine/interpret his expression of it having changed over time, but they will not coalesce. when will my one brain cell for queer readings return from the war

[turntechgaykid]

Mischaracterizing Nico di angelo as some 'shy gay boi' instead of a teen who was raised in homophobic, early dictatorship 1924 Italy is gross.

Nico isn't shy or embarrassed about his queerness the boy has internalized homophobia, 1920s Italy was not a safe place for queer people and Nico's early experience with queer people was likely seeing them belittled, berated or abused.

I would put actual money on saying that Nico's first reaction to his own or others queerness isnt embarrassment or confusion but revulsion, fear, shame or hate for it, especially after dealing with feelings of isolation and otherness from both Camp half blood and Camp Jupiter.

He isn't some cutesy shy boy who gets flustered he's a teenager struggling to accept and understand himself after, in his formative years, most likely being told what he feels is wrong, shameful or unnatural.

(also not to mention the culture shock it would've been for him to see queerness an gayness being accepted in the 21st century and in both ancient Greek/Rome an how he'd have to rationalize that with his already made world view)

[himbosandhardwear]

It's a stupid fucking scheme, and he never would've gone along with it if he was sober, but she really didn't give him much time to contemplate it, she just shoved him into the pantry and yelled for Eddie to come into the kitchen.

Now he's got his head pressed against the slats while Rob asks Eddie if he thinks Steve is cute. Like they're in the fifth grade.

“Uhh,” Eddie drawls, clearly confused and put on the spot.

“C'mon,” she coaxes, “you can tell me, gay to lesbian solidarity.”

That's terrible, using that to weasel the information out of him.

“I mean…sure, I guess he's alright,” Eddie admits. “He's not really my type though.”

Oh.

Well…that's…fine.

“Seriously?” Rob asks like she doesn't believe him. “You don't think he's hot?”

“I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers, but, yeah, seriously. Not my thing. He's too…I don't know, high maintenance or something. I like my guys a little more, like, dingy.”

Steve nods to himself in understanding. He should've seen that coming but he hadn't. It's sobering.

Robin isn't finished arguing her case, the beautiful idiot. “Steve's dingy!” She yells, making Eddie laugh. “He is! He's plenty dingy! And he has other fine qualities! Like, uh, loyalty! And being helpful!”

“Are you trying to set me up with your painfully straight best friend or a golden retriever?”

“Steve's not-”

“Okay!” Steve shouts, bursting out of the pantry, yes he understands the irony, with both hands waving. “This was fun but let's wrap it up.”

Eddie stares at him, wide-eyed, but it quickly melts into anger. “What the fuck, Buckley? What kind of weird, pointless ambush is this?”

“It wasn't pointless, you fucking troglodyte. If you were paying attention-”

“Rob.” Steve didn't mean for his voice to do that but it has the intended effect. She clamps her mouth shut and pouts. “Sorry,” he says to both of them. To Eddie, “Seriously, it was a stupid idea. We're both drunk and being stupid, just forget this happened.”

Unfortunately, it doesn't look as though Eddie is going to forget any time soon. In fact, it's more like he's studying them both for clues, the wheels turning despite the whiskey and weed gumming them up.

Steve's about to turn tail and run when the lightbulb goes off. Eddie doesn't look like he believes the conclusion he's come to but he's figured it out nonetheless. “Wait. No. Seriously? No way.”

His eyeballs are aching. He pushes against them, causing starbursts behind the eyelids. “Can we please not do this?” He begs.

Eddie sputters. “If this is me finding out you're queer, Steve Harrington, then yes, we most certainly are!” He looks at Robin but she's stonewalling him in solidarity.

The fact that neither of them has said anything to the contrary is damning enough. Steve might as well have ‘bisexual’ tattooed across his forehead.

“Holy shit.” Eddie snatches Robin by the wrist, she tries to wrestle her way out but he's jangling her about like a rag doll. “Holy shit! You were trying to set us up! Holy shit!”

“Let go, asshole! You ruined it, remember?”

He does let her go, so he can stare at Steve in horror. “No! Fuck! Steve, I was bullshitting! I was lying my ass off, I swear!” He tries to round the corner of the island but Steve moves to keep it between them, unsure of this sudden development. Eddie stops when it's clear Steve isn't reciprocating.

They stare at each other until Robin breaks the awkward silence. “Prove it.”

Eddie shakes off the cobwebs. “Huh? I mean, how? I wasn't exactly doodling Mr Edward Harrington into my journals.”

She crosses her arms. “Then I guess we're done here.”

Steve doesn't point out that she's not actually in charge of this situation because it seems to motivate Eddie into action. He gives them the ‘one moment’ finger and then dashes outside.

“You believe him?” She mumbles.

“I don't know. At this point I'd probably settle for him looking to turn me into a bedpost notch.”

“Have some self-respect.”

“Nah.”

Eddie comes back, dragging Jeff by the arm.

“Tell him!” He shouts, finger pointed at Steve.

“Tell him what?”

“The thing that shall not be spoken.”

Jeff raises one eyebrow. “How am I supposed to-”

“Oh my god, just tell him.”

“No.”

Eddie blanches. “No? What do you mean, no?”

“You made me swear.”

“So?! I'm unswearing you! This is important! I need you to unfuck this situation, pronto! You can give him all the gory details, I don't give a fuck, just tell him!”

A gleam sparkles in Jeff's eye. “Every gory detail?”

Now Eddie, correctly wary, hesitates, glancing at Steve nervously. “Well, maybe not all-”

Jeff interrupts Eddie, turning fully toward Steve with, “Eddie is bananas in love with you. Probably has been since school, but it's gotten so much worse since this spring. I'd say seventy five percent of the songs he's written are about you. He's also got a fully fleshed out fantasy life involving you, including, but not limited to, five adopted Vietnamese kids, two cats and a dog.” He turns back to Eddie. “Can I go back outside now? Those hotdogs aren't going to eat themselves.”

Eddie, eyes closed, waves him away.

Before he's fully out of the kitchen, he turns and says, “Oh, also he has a VHS copy of one of your swim meets. Bought it off of some AV kid for sixty bucks.”

Steve's stomach, already roiling with excited nerves, erupts in butterflies.

Eddie does not notice this, head buried under crossed arms on the island.

“I think we've swung too far in the other direction,” Rob points out, oblivious to Steve's excitement. When she finally does notice, it's met with rolled eyes. “Of course you're into that. Absolute freaks, the both of you. You know what? Good. Take each other off the market. My job here is done.”

She hops off the stool and leaves them alone.

Eddie cautiously pokes his head up, sees Steve smiling at him and jolts up straight like a prairie dog. “You believe me?”

He wants to toy with him for a minute, a touch of revenge for the dismissal he made earlier. “What swim meet was it?” He asks, like a test.

Without missing a beat, Eddie answers, “March of ‘85. You beat some kid from West Jefferson by four seconds.”

Steve preens. Eddie isn't bullshitting, he really did beat that kid from West Jeff. Only someone who gave a shit to pay attention would know that off hand. The whiskey makes another appearance in his bloodstream, giving him the courage to lean over the counter, into Eddie's space.

“So…you like me?”

Eddie has this incredibly endearing habit of hiding behind his hair when he’s nervous, it takes Steve out at the knees every time he sees it. “I'm gonna be really pissed off if this is some convoluted prank but…yeah, man, I fucking like you. Romantically. In case that was in question.”

“Mmm,” Steve agrees. “What are our kids' names?”

Eddie closes his eyes against Steve's smug stare. “I hate Jeff so much.”

“I don't. I'll thank him at our wedding. Maybe we name one of the kids after him.”

When Eddie peeks at him, one eyed, Steve does his best to convey his amusement and fondness both.

His body goes lax, finally, at seeing Steve take all it seriously. “Okay, so I like the idea of all of them keeping their Vietnamese names, except one who we name James.”

“After Hetfield?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes. Please.”

Some time later, after making out in the pantry for a while, Steve vetoes James, but only because he doesn't want the poor kid to grow up with a complex.

“We’ll call the dog Jimmy.”

“Cool.”