#like it was probably just dream logic but i wish i could remember

[faintlyof]

oh yeah, i had another like...full-length series dream a few days back. i really liked it so i thought about it a long time so i wouldnt forget it all but it was really really long so naturally i dont remember the whole thing. literally, it couldve had a full season of episodes or something. watching All of Us Are Dead reminded me

lets see how much i remember

dream sequence under the cut

i honestly dont remember the very beginning and the dream was laid out very much like a tv show, with details about the start getting revealed way after the fact

but it took place in a large city. a city that grew upward.

one day, an infection started spreading. a zombie-like infection. people tried to escape, but very few could actually make it out of the boundary of the city. people died in droves. absolute carnage as far as the eye could see.

i managed to survive. picking my way through buildings, trying to avoid detection, i somehow made it through the first major wave. at this point, the government had managed to barricade all the entry and exit points to the city. escape was no longer possible.

there were no connections to the outside world. networks were down, though electricity remained in some places.

i came across other survivors and we stuck together, just trying to survive. over time, it nearly became routine. until the helicopter started coming.

thinking it was salvation, survivors rushed to flag the helicopter down, but the helicopter merely dropped some things and left again. the drops typically contained some supplies, some food, some medicine, occasionally a weapon, but sometimes they were completely empty.

once, when some survivors went to greet the helicopter, a hail of bullets greeted them. trust in the helicopter fell further.

my group found a convenience store that hadnt been pillaged or damaged yet and we made a base there. it was so bright inside and the temperature was cool and unchanging. there was a sense of normalcy as myself and another girl contemplated which pasta salad to eat.

one of our guys, a real techno whiz, got to work with the registers computer, trying to see if he could contact the outside world. there were some surveillance files on it. camera footage. he found footage dating back to the day it had all started. that day there had been a network outage. a woman and her daughter had been at the convenience store and when the network went down, the woman had rushed out and left her daughter there. telling her to wait for her to call and tell her it was safe to come home. the girl, already a bit roughed up, paced by the convenience stores phone for hours. the staff tried to fix the phone, but all they could do was wait. the girl rushed out of the store when the screaming started.

there was other camera footage as well. security cameras within the store, around the perimeter, and, with some work, we were able to access other cameras along the same network beyond the store.

thats when we found something unexpected.

some of these cameras were in very interesting locations or pointed to very interesting things. like packs of zombies or groups of other survivors. and there was an external connection we could not access.

that was the first night the helicopter came to attack. they opened fire on anything that moved, zombie or otherwise. children, adults, animals, no one was spared. the helicopter began shooting into buildings as well. windows became the enemy.

we started finding camera that looked as though they had been set up recently. or set up hastily on tripods in various places.

fires started taking down buildings where survivors had made their bases, forcing them to run, often times directly into the waiting zombies jaws. or into the waiting helicopters bullets.

pieces started clicking together. the cameras, the lack of outside contact, the helicopter that sometimes helped and sometimes hurt, the herding into deaths jaws. we were being watched and, more importantly, someone was enjoying the show.

upon this revelation, our dwindling group of survivors decided to try and work our way towards the forest on the outskirts of the city.

as we made our way there, a lone helicopter seemed determined to stop us at all costs. luckily for us, a newer member of our group was ex-military and knew more in detail about this helicopter. most importantly, that this was not the average military helicopter, but a special ops one, equipped with heat-seeking missiles. we needed to disable the cameras at all costs. they could track our movements and predict our actions easily.

one large building became a battleground between the helicopter and one of our members. she was somehow faster than the missiles, but the building went down with her in it anyway. our ex-military guy left us, following a hunch, and told us to keep going and he’d rejoin us. he had figured out where the helicopter was landing and got inside.

there was a broadcast station inside, showing all the remaining survivors, showing the hordes of zombies roaming every inch of the city, showing the high fence that had been constructed just outside the city limits, and showing the hundreds of watch towers and armed personnel standing guard around the fence. names and figures scrolled across some screens, blinking out of existence each time another survivor died.

he made his way to the top floor and found the one office in use. someone was on the phone, talking about how it was almost over. the next day, the armed personnel stationed outside the city would storm in and clear the place with force. there would be no survivors.

he recognized this persons voice. it was a general he had once served under in the military. but there was no recognition is his eyes as our guy put two bullets through his brain.

he returned to us to tell us the news. we went back to the building to check for ourselves, but we knew he was right. in the end, our group had 6 survivors in the end, and as we worked our way back through the city, we picked up another 12 people. we told everyone we came across about our grim fate. soldiers would be bursting through the gates and killing everyone. we decided to take our last moments into our own hands.

we made our way back to the forest where we had hoped to stage an escape from. in this forest, there was a river. this river ran deep and strong and eventually dropped over a cliff and into some underground caves. the drop from the cliff was so far, you could only see a sliver of the water at the bottom. after everything we all had been through, everyone was glad to be able to make this last choice. how would you like to die? by rain of bullets or by quietly slipping into the water? we formed roughly two lines so no one would be alone at the end and, two by two, made the jump from the cliff

i watched six people before me before i worked up the nerve to stand at the edge. my partner and i smiled to the other survivors before jumping.

as i fell, i thought, the air is nice and cool here. it’s so much fresher than the air in the city was. i kept my eyes open and watched the water come to meet me. i braced myself for impact, dying like this would hurt, but only for a moment. instead, i felt myself become warm and the world went white. there was no pain, just that feeling of being held. i wondered how long it would take before it was over. had i hit the water and died already? but i was still thinking about how long it was taking, so maybe i had survived and now i was waiting to run out of air. it was quiet and warm and bright and i didnt feel the need to breathe, but i started to get very comfortable and sleepy.

i thought to myself, if i fall asleep, the nightmare is definitely over. and it was so warm and comfortable, like napping in a sunbeam. i could feel my body slipping into sleep, the feeling so slow it almost felt like falling all over again. ah, this is it, i thought, im dying. just another moment and it would be over.

WAIT, i thought. i didnt really want to die. through the bleary sleepiness, i mentally pushed my eyes back open. this is not my end, i thought loudly.

back in the city, the soldiers hunted down every last survivor and executed them. the zombies were left alone. soon there would be nothing left for the zombies to feed on and they would no longer be a threat. there would be incredible research done on these zombies, so much so that the sacrifice of the hundreds of thousands of people in city, while never directly addressed, was appreciated by those who remained. the footage of the survivors struggles was never released to the public and remained in the pockets of the investors who had taken advantage of the situation, though on occasion, a clip would turn up on some shock site. the city never saw human habitation again.

[myriadsystem]

.

[pprodsuga]

never to keep | heeseung

summary: heeseung was always a natural scene stealer, capturing the hearts and attention of those around him. it seemed predestined that he'd pursue a life that would take him beyond the cosmos and leave behind the constellations he once treasured. it's too bad that you were one of them.

warnings: angst and typos, probably.

word count: 8.6K (shorter than previous works, forgive me)

notes: ahahah. this is a therapy piece ... currently dealing with similar themes of a friend prioritizing work and people who don't care for her over people who do, and i feel veryyy conflicted as of late. i, like yn, am not a plaything. why not turn it into a fic. anyway, enjoy and happy reading! x

masterlist + taglist

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

If you love someone, they will always come back to you. 

There’s no logic in love, only strong emotions that make people disregard all they know to chase the feeling of reckless abandon. Love is a wildcard that can catch even the most self-protective person off guard. You’ve read it in stories from childhood fairytales to watching strangers fall in love in your favorite books and television shows growing up. You believe the people who kiss on the screen must surely find an ounce of love, even if only for a brief moment. 

It’s no surprise that you’ve come to love Heeseung the way you do. To love him is to know him, even if he’s too tired to see you on the weekends or too occupied to sit next to you at the lunch period because of his days training to become an idol. What you know at this point in your life is that love is unconditional; supporting your best friend to pursue a dream he’s talked about since he could speak feels right. 

To love somebody doesn’t necessarily mean to devote oneself to the fullest extent, but somehow you feel as though this way of thinking never quite aligned with how you’ve come to love. Heeseung’s parents are a surrogate for your own, especially when it’s just you and your mother in the small, two bedroom apartment that sits on the edge of town and away from the city. They tuck you in at night during holidays and other special occasions when you’ve become too tired to drive back to your home. 

Minjun, Heeseung’s younger sister by four years, warmed up to you quicker than anyone had expected. The fierce girl had a protective streak over her brother once he grew into his height and learned that winking at pretty girls could get them to do whatever he asked of them within reason. Minjun doesn’t recall when she met you for the first time because she was likely too young to remember, but her sweet nature towards you speaks louder than you could’ve ever anticipated. 

Growing up with a single parent as an only child provides enough time to befriend loneliness. There are days spent idly in the apartment waiting for someone to keep you company, often wishing that the house was filled with people to keep the void full and lively. But now, because of the Lee family and how close you’ve become to their two children, it seems as if the idea of a central family is closer than you think. 

Heeseung didn’t expect for you to become a prominent fixture in his life when the two of you were partnered for a science project at the ripe age of thirteen. He’d experienced a growth spurt and acne for the first time simultaneously, growing insecure in himself with every day that passed by. Heeseung hadn’t anticipated you sitting with his family at the dinner table five years later, listening to a mundane story about his mother’s workday at a boring corporate-level position Heeseung doesn’t bother to remember. 

He never thought you’d be cooking with his father in the kitchen upon returning home from his training practices, talking about the art of seasoning as the meal preparations come to a finish. He doesn’t remember when you started coming over without the pretense of coming to see him either. Heeseung surely does not anticipate Minjun waiting for your arrival by the front windows just to insist on being the first person who welcomes you into their home. 

Naturally, Minjun becomes a recognizable face in your life because of how often she spends time with you and Heeseung. The young girl sets up her homework as the two of you begin yours, her schoolbooks significantly lighter than yours but you make conversation anyhow. 

“I think she likes you because you don’t treat her like she’s thirteen,” Heeseung says as he dries the dishes from dinner as you scrub them clean. “She hates it when people baby her.” 

“Sometimes I think I need to watch how I talk to Minjun.”

“No, you don’t. Minjun likes that you talk to her like a friend.”

“That’s what she is, no? A friend?”

“More than me?”

You flick water towards Heeseung. “Yes, if you keep teasing me.” 

“Seriously, though. Thanks for being nice to her. She complains that she’s the youngest out of everybody all the time.”

“I used to be like that.” You close the tap water and hand the last dish to Heeseung. “I hated being at the kids table when everybody else got to be an adult. Minjun’s at the age where she’s aware of it.” 

“God, we sound like her parents, or something.”

You bite back a smile. 

Caring for Heeseung is arguably the easiest thing you’ve ever done. He makes it simple when you receive a text from him hours before you wake up and just before you go to bed despite his busy schedule. You wonder at all how he manages to fit you into his life with all of his dreams and responsibilities, but Heeseung always tells you it’s because there’s room for you. 

Being so close to his family helps internalize the fact that you are a permanent fixture in his life. Mrs. Lee drops off baked goods on Saturday mornings most times because she knows your mother likes to eat a sweet treat with her bitter coffee. Mr. Lee goes out of his way to fix faulty ceiling fans or kitchen drains when he has the time to spare your income. Minjun gives you drawings from her art classes that sit on your refrigerator. Integrating their life within yours feels natural. 

Heeseung has always been somebody you’ve looked up to, poised for success after deciding he loved singing enough to make a career out of it. The eight-year-old boy who loved to choreograph dance numbers to famous songs carries this humble beginning when he talks about what life might look like for him when he’s crossed the threshold that separates his life from now. 

It seemed as though Heeseung’s dream of becoming an idol never seemed too far out of reach, even if he had his moments where he felt like giving up. Things always worked out for him in ways nobody could explain, like moving to a new city because of his mother’s job and making friends within an hour of transferring to a new middle school. Or the time when he’d auditioned to train under a management company and hadn’t heard back from them for weeks–Heeseung prepared to stop giving himself false hope for his future as an idol until the fateful email sat at the top of his inbox, welcoming him to the company. 

Life was always easier on Heeseung than it was for everybody else. 

You don’t see him much between classes because he’s on a special path created for people who are like him. People who are destined to debut as an idol are given certain exemptions to ensure quality education while having enough time to train in all areas of performance art. It took a while for Heeseung to get used to his new life and the new routine set in place for him but you were always there to remind him that this is what he wants more than anything in the world. All of the stress and frustration that comes with change, no matter how brutal or unnerving, will be worth it when he sees his dream to the end. 

You’re a young adult at this point in your life but it feels like you’ve aged beyond your peers because of circumstance. Spending time at the Lee residence when your mom’s at work or visiting her friends prevents you from feeling as lonely as you do in between four white walls that barely feel like home without someone else in it. Growing up quicker than your peers feels like something expected of you. Oftentimes, you wish you could maintain childlike innocence as Heeseung does, dreaming so big and far that everything seems like a possibility if you dreamed hard enough. 

Watching him dance and hearing him sing feels like a reminder that there’s more to life than what you know. Your best friend is your confidant and the person you see yourself in the most. The boys and girls who befriend him because of his good looks and potential stardom don’t matter much to either of you when the promise of lifelong friendship looms in the future. You can’t imagine Heeseung not being in it. 

Mr. and Mrs. Lee sit at the dining table over a cup of post-dinner coffee while Minjun scrolls through her phone by the couch with a Netflix show you’ve never heard of on the television. Their soft murmurs have become a familiar background noise. You sit next to Minjun and peer over her shoulder. 

“I like these shoes a lot,” she tells you as she turns the phone for you to see. “All the girls in my grade are wearing these.” 

“Do you like them because you like them or because everyone else does?” 

She frowns. “What’s wrong with liking what other people like?” 

“Nothing, but if you’re going to buy flats just for them to sit in the back of your closet, that doesn’t seem like a good reason to have them.” 

Minjun has approached the age you’re all too familiar with. When you turned thirteen, the impending doom of fitting in hit you like a truck when you realized all of the girls in your grade had expensive clothes while you wore hand-me-downs from your cousins. Your backpack, which you had been using for three years because the straps weren’t broken, felt like a burden to carry when everybody else had pretty satchels. You felt juvenile in your too-worn sneakers and the two pairs of jeans you had sitting in your closet. But you were thirteen and your mother made enough money to make ends meet and put dinner on the table. Clothing and new school materials didn’t matter compared to eating before bed. 

Part of this insecurity has always followed you throughout childhood, especially when you were old enough to be aware of the fact that you were one of the few people in your grade who didn’t have a nuclear family. The kinds of families you’d see on the television didn’t exist in real life because while these programs taught its audiences the value of a good, stable home life, you’d been watching them alone while you waited for your mother to come home from work. There would be no dinner at the table with both of your parents because you knew there would be just her.

Watching Minjun grow up with two parents who dote on her feels bittersweet. It feels like watching a version of what could have been if only your father had chosen to stay in the picture instead of abandoning his family for a promising career in entertainment. Minjun’s petulance often reminds you that you were not privileged enough to have this kind of grace because of how rapidly your circumstances forced you to grow up faster than your peers did. 

There’s a small part of you that envies her life when you think about what yours could have been if he had stayed. Maybe you wouldn’t have had to watch your mother slave away at odd jobs to keep the lights on before finding a good, stable job after years of searching. Maybe you wouldn’t have felt so lonely in your adolescence because he’d take you to ice cream after school. Maybe the hollowness that remains inside of you would have been filled with joy and laughter on the holidays. 

“You’re right,” Minjun sighs, pulling you out of your thoughts. “Seri told me my outfit would’ve looked prettier if I wore these.” 

“People should keep their opinions to themselves.” 

Minjun nods. “Agreed.” 

Heeseung emerges from the kitchen a moment later and sits next to you on the couch. The dip in the cushion and his thigh being pressed against yours isn’t a new phenomenon, but the heat that creeps up your neck can’t be helped when he looks like a model from the corner of your eye. You swallow until your mouth feels dry to keep both Lee siblings from asking why you look like you’re about to explode. 

It’s easy to fall in love with Heeseung. All of the girls fawn over him already, a promising sign that Heeseung will likely be just fine when he debuts as an idol. He’s always been good with people and speaks in a way that makes people root for his success even if it was unintentional to begin with. He’s charming in a way that seems humble. Heeseung has a skill for making you feel like you are the only person in the room when he talks to you. You’re sure it’s why people feel drawn to him and why everybody loves being around Heeseung so much. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel the same way. 

Sometimes, you grow envious of how easy it is for Heeseung to get people to like him. Career prospects aside, it’s almost as if he can convince anyone he’s somebody worth being friends with. Cashiers love him because he doesn’t make small talk awkward. He’s not afraid to talk to strangers and strike up a conversation with somebody while waiting for his coffee order. Heeseung is bashful enough to come across as sincere and it seems to reel people in. 

He inspires you in ways that you can’t fathom but simultaneously reminds you that you’ve got no future or prospect. It’s unfair to compare yourself to your best friend, but being in such close proximity where people praise him next to you are constant reminders that your life hasn’t begun and you don’t know if it ever will. Your life feels stagnant compared to his exciting one. While Heeseung spends his days and nights perfecting his dance techniques and vocal skills, you sit in your room and wonder what life would be like if you could touch the moon. 

There are days where you wish you could be as suave and charming as he can be. You feel awkward around people you don’t know and limit yourself to new experiences when it feels too intimidating. You’re not somebody who’s confident enough to start a conversation, let alone with somebody you aren’t familiar with. Where Heeseung excels in the socializing department, you find yourself playing catch-up every time you see him befriend yet another person you aren’t familiar with. It’s a wonder how you two became as close as you are.

Meeting him had been by chance. You knew him from friends of friends and saw him in the hallways between class periods but never had a reason to talk to him until the two of you were partnered for a class project. The newfound partnership felt oddly comfortable from the minute Heeseung introduced himself to you with that same charming smile everyone knows him to have. His wit and humor brewed the perfect potion for you to feel like caring for him as deeply as you do would become inevitable. It wasn’t a bet on if you would fall for him as hard as you did, but when. 

You’re inclined to believe you keep it hidden well. Heeseung is far too oblivious most times to see you as anything other than his best friend. You’ve treated him like a friend far longer than you’ve liked him romantically, so acting as if you don’t have feelings for him is easy when you remind yourself that having him in your life would be better than the alternative. Still, you have moments where you yearn to hold his hand and kiss him before he leaves for practice. 

“Do you want to come to the next showcase this weekend?” Heeseung asks, nudging your side with his elbow. You pry your attention away from Minjun’s phone to look at him. “It’s gonna be a small one in the company theater. There’s going to be a bunch of important people in the industry. Allegedly.” 

“Of course I’ll come, Heeseung. This is you we’re talking about. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

The smile he gives you is blinding. 

“I really appreciate you supporting me, you know that? I don’t say it often, but I should. Thank you for always supporting me.” 

Your heart bursts. 

“I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t do at least that,” you tell him. 

“My parents and Minjun are gonna be there too so you won’t be alone.” He smiles at you like he knew you were worried about who to sit with, let alone if there’s going to be important people that could determine Heeseung’s career. 

“Thanks,” you mumble, an overwhelming feeling of shyness overtaking you. “It’s silly that you have to look out for me all the time.” 

“No, not silly,” he says immediately, pushing his head to your shoulder. You don’t imagine this position is very comfortable for him, but Heeseung seems keen on staying in this position. “We’re kids, Y/N. You don’t need to have your life together. I’ll always look out for you and walk you through it if that’s what you need.” 

You sigh. “You know, one day, you’re going to become so famous that you’ll inevitably be too busy for me.”

Heeseung shakes his head. “No I won’t. Who checks up on me every day after practice? Who do I come to when I need to cry? Who do I invite to my home when I’m not even here?”

“Technically, your parents invite me over when you’re not here.” 

Heeseung pinches your thigh. “I’m serious, Y/N. You’re not getting rid of me. It’s like, scientifically impossible to separate the two of us.” 

“Thanks, Hee.” You feel him nod against you before he lifts his head from your shoulder. “I just feel like I get in my own head sometimes. You know what you want to do for the rest of your life and I barely know what I want for breakfast tomorrow.” 

“We don’t always have to figure it out. I know saying that feels like bullshit because I’m training to become an idol but I’m serious. There are so many people we know who don’t know what they’re doing with their lives.” 

“It feels like my life could very well be over.”

“You’re being dramatic.” 

You make a face at him. “I know.” 

“You’ll find something for you, okay? You’re barely an adult anyway. You still have college and all of that shit to figure it out.” 

“You’re right.” 

“As always.” 

“Don’t push it, Heeseung.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Mr. and Mrs. Lee drive you to the showcase. They pick you up and the four of you have a quick dinner before heading over to the company’s theater and you feel somewhat like an important industry person when you’re given a badge with ‘VIP’ on it to signify that you’re part of the family and friends entourage. You see a group of people with clipboards and pens at the ready, dressed like they’ve just come from important meetings that determine the futures of each trainee. Perhaps that’s who they are. Some of these well-dressed individuals have younger people standing beside them, presumably assistants or something as such. 

It feels very formal and you’re wondering if the long skirt and long sleeve top you’re wearing is too childish. Everybody who looks important seems to be donning suits or dresses that make them look like they stepped out of a drama show. It doesn’t matter how many times you remind yourself that you’re young and not here to mingle with corporate executives. You still feel like the floor should swallow you whole and spit you out with a new wardrobe that matches everyone else’s. 

Heeseung’s parents chat with a few people they recognize and leave you and Minjun to fend for yourselves (or, rather, it feels that way). The young girl beside you hooks her arm with yours when you’ve been quiet for a moment too long and starts to lead you down the aisles. 

“Everyone in here looks so stuffy,” she whispers. “People working in entertainment should look like they’re having fun.” 

“I feel a little silly in this skirt,” you admit.

“You look great,” Minjun tells you as she bumps your hip with hers. “My mom made me wear this stupid dress that I can barely breathe in.” 

“I happen to think you look very cute, Minnie.” 

“But I don’t want to look cute,” she whines quietly. “I want to look like an adult.” 

“Yeah, well you can look like an adult when you are one. For now, just be happy that somebody finds you cute enough to do things for you.” 

Minjun wants to argue but doesn’t. In the time that she’s known you, there hasn’t been a reason for her to distrust anything you say to her because you’ve never had a reason to lie. It’s why she’s likely to listen to you over her own brother, a fact that Heeseung holds a mild grudge over. 

“I guess you’re right. I can’t even drive. I need people to drive me places.” 

You stifle a laugh. “Yeah, driving can be a pain sometimes. Enjoy your youth while you have it, okay?” Minjun rolls her eyes in a way that lets you know she’s joking. Being outwardly affectionate doesn’t seem to run in the Lee sibling genes, but you’d like to think you know them well enough to tell when they’re being genuine.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say.” 

You try to tell yourself that, too. When everybody finds their seats and when the showcase begins, you’re in awe of how many talented people there are in the room when you hear their incredible vocal abilities and make performing in front of a crowd look easy. It’s easy to spot Heeseung when he’s dancing with a group of people you’ve never seen before. He always looks as if he’s floating on air, moving his body in ways you can’t fathom and he makes learning difficult choreography seem like a walk in the park. You’ve heard him sing before but not to this extent. The steady tone he delivers when he dances amazes you beyond comprehension and Minjun would later swear that she saw stars in your eyes when you watched her brother perform like this for the first time. 

What Heeseung neglected to tell you was that he secured a solo spot after months of impressing his coaches. He performs one of his favorite songs and moves across the stage like he was always meant to be dancing on it. From here, Heeseung looks like a celestial being with the lights cascading down his body. You hold your breath the entire time he sings on that stage and clap the loudest when everybody gives him a standing ovation. You peek to the side to see the same, stuffy executives nodding after his performance and write down things on their clipboards that you can only hope are praises and nothing but. 

Heeseung’s parents make their way to the front of the stage when the house lights turn on. They talk to people you don’t recognize and you find yourself following them instead of looking like an awkward mess, as everybody else has chosen to stand from their seats and greet the performers that have come out from backstage. 

Your best friend looks magnificent with his makeup and the outfit he last performed in. He looks like a real idol in this light and pride swells within your chest when people applaud him for his incredible performance before he reaches you. His smile turns bigger when he sees you and Minjun approaching him behind his parents and makes his way to engulf you in a hug. 

“You’re here,” he breathes. 

“I’d always said I’d be here for you, didn’t I?”

“I think this was the most important showcase of my life.” 

It would be hard to ignore Heeseung’s arm wrapped around your waist like he’s done it a thousand times before. It’s true that the two of you aren’t strangers to physical touch, but he never lingers on you like he is now. Still, you chalk it up to overflowing happiness and you can sense that Heeseung is genuinely pleased with himself. He isn’t pretending that he performed well like he does when he avoids going home after practice in lieu of spending time with you in your mother’s apartment. 

“You’re fucking incredible,” Minjun praises. 

“Language,” Heeseung chides, removing his arm from your waist to pinch her cheek. “Thank you for coming too. Where are eomma and appa?” 

Minjun points to where they are. “I think they were waiting for you to come out and started talking to the coaches.” 

“We should make our way there.” 

“You should,” you tell him, pushing Heeesung towards his parents. “I’ll be here when you’re done.” 

“Nonsense.” Heeseung shakes his head and grabs your wrist as best as he can with multiple bodies trying to squeeze past the three of you. 

When Heeseung pulls you away, you’re sure to grab onto Minjun’s hand so she doesn’t get lost in a sea of people either. Mr. and Mrs. Lee beam when they see their son approaching and Heeseung drops your wrist in favor of being smothered with affection by his parents. You can tell he feels embarrassed to be doted on in front of his peers because of how his ears are turning red, but you sit back and laugh with Minjun when she points it out loud. 

You let them talk and watch as people clad in business attire approach Heeseung and his parents. You're not sure if Heeseung knows them or not but he smiles and shakes their hands, going so far as to bow to their assistants as well. He talks to them like he’s been in this business for decades, making people laugh and remaining as humble as ever when people praise his performance skill. You’re not sure how Heeseung handles all of this attention and praise at the same time, or even what it must feel like to be talented enough to have people approach you. 

As you observe everybody else, it’s clear that Heeseung is the star of tonight’s showcase. The other performers did a fantastic job as well, but something about your best friend draws executives to him, and you’re sure everyone who hasn’t spoken to Heeseung is waiting for their turn. It feels exhausting to watch people socialize. You can only guess how exhausted Heeseung might be. 

Minjun joins her parents a little while later at their request, leaving you alone for the time being. You pull your phone out and text your mom that you’re still at the showcase and will let her know when Mr. and Mrs. Lee drive you back to the apartment. You use this as an excuse to look busy, replying to a few friends that you didn’t have time to respond to before coming to the showcase. But those conversations are dry and leave you without a distraction. 

“Y/N, come here!” 

Heeseung calls your name and your head snaps to where he’s standing. He beckons you over with a wave and you awkwardly waddle to where he’s standing. His family aren’t with him and you wonder just how long you’ve been looking at your phone for. 

“This is my best friend, Y/N,” Heeseung says as he pulls you closer to him. “Y/N, meet Kim Namjoon. He’s the president and founder of Big Hit.”

“It’s lovely to meet you.” The bow is almost automatic and you’re sure to put on a good first impression to help any reputation Heeseung has with Namjoon. You bow at an angle that’s deeper than a common greeting but just shy of ninety-degrees. 

Namjoon returns in kind. “Nice to meet you, Y/N. Heeseung’s a talented one, isn’t he?” 

“He’s the best at what he does,” you say earnestly. “I’ve never seen anybody work as hard as him in my entire life. Pardon if I’m overstepping, but I think Big Hit is incredibly lucky to have him.” 

He laughs at your politeness. “I feel the same. It’s not every day you come across someone who’s skilled at, well, everything.” 

“You know, when Heeseung and I were younger, we had this ongoing joke that he could master anything on the first try. I think it’s what makes him special, you know?”

“Guys, please don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” Heeseung whines. His cheeks are red but both you and Namjoon laugh in good fun.

“There’s a reason why I chose Heeseung to be tonight’s soloist,” Namjoon informs. “This showcase is meant for people in the industry and if I’m being honest with you, I think you’ll be getting good remakes on your review.” 

Heeseung beams. “Wow…I don’t know what to say.”

“He says ‘thank you,’” you answer for him. “I can’t imagine what training must be like but I do know that all of it has paid off. Thank you for giving Heeseung a chance to prove himself.” 

There’s a glint in Namjoon’s eye. 

“Have you ever considered working in publicity?” Namjoon asks you. 

“No, why do you ask?”

“I think you’d have a real talent for it.” Namjoon says it in a way that feels too casual for a showcase, especially if he’s the one in charge of the company Heeseung is training under. “You speak well for Heeseung.” 

“Oh…thank you.” 

He turns to Heeseung and claps him on the back. “There’s more to being an idol than training and performing. You need people who know you and know the business. It’s important to make your career thrive because you can be the most talented person in the world, but if you don’t have the right people around you, none of that will matter.” 

Heeseung nods. “Y/N’s always been my champion.” 

“I can see.” Namjoon smiles at you. “Entertainment is not for the faint of heart and there’s more to it than being photographed. You need to be in the right places at the right time and know the right people who can get you there. That’s what publicity does for you. Y/N’s already doing it and she’s not working in entertainment yet.” 

Somehow, his words feel comforting. “I haven’t thought about what I want to do with my life but that seems like something I could do.” 

“It’s important work. Heeseung can perform the shit out of his solo but it doesn’t mean anything if he has nowhere to perform it.” 

Namjoon smiles at the both of you before his name is being called from behind him. 

“Great job on your solo, Heeseung.” He turns to you. “It was nice to meet you, Y/N.” He bows once more to the both of you before departing. 

“I feel like I’m buzzing,” Heeseung says as he puts an arm loosely around you. “It was like I was the only person in the room when I was performing, you know? The dance with the other guys was amazing and all of that but I feel like I was on another level when it was just me up there.” 

“You were incredible, Hee. I mean that. I don’t know a single person more talented than you.” 

Heeseung smiles down at you. 

“You know, it means a lot that you come to see me. Sometimes I wonder if people talk to me because they know I’m training to become an idol but you never make me feel like that. It feels natural and genuine. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, thanks.” 

You push him away from you, a giddy smile tugging on the edge of your lips. Heeseung is affectionate but less so in his vocabulary, choosing to tease you because it’s his way of letting you know he cares for you. Hearing him be so open and vulnerable tugs at your heartstrings and it makes you feel like you could achieve anything. 

“I’ll always be here for you, remember? You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Heeseung’s life changes for the better after the night of the showcase when Namjoon tells him he’s secured a debut spot underneath their brand new label, Belift. Happiness flows within the Lee household and you’re nearly in tears when you realize all your best friend has worked for has finally paid off. 

But with it comes uncertainty and your fears are slowly becoming a reality when Heeseung stops talking to you as frequently as he used to. 

It comes with the job and you’re more than aware of how much Heeseung has on his plate between preparing for his debut and trying to fit in with the industry. You can’t imagine what life must be like for him now that his dream is just a few weeks away of becoming a reality but part of you wonders if it’s too difficult for him to keep you hanging on a leash. 

He calls his parents and Minjun as often as he gets. You know because Minjun swings by your mother’s apartment with Mrs. Lee on Saturday mornings to drop off baked goods, updating you on the latest she’s heard from her older brother. You try your best to quell your jealousy because they’re his family after all, but part of you feels like you have a right to call yourself his family too after all he said to you during the night of the showcase and all you’ve done for him. 

You’re sure Mr. and Mrs. Lee can sense it too. Heeseung no longer lives at home, having moved into his own dorm in the heart of Seoul, thirty minutes from you. You aren’t a stranger to their household without his presence but you’ve gradually stopped coming by unless Minjun calls you from Mrs. Lee’s phone to ask you to hang out. 

Texts and calls slowly diminish with his new line of work. You went from hearing from him every day to every other day, to nothing at all.

Seeing the blue delivered messages without any indication that he’s acknowledged you, makes you feel like a second priority. But you don’t know if you get the right to feel like this when you know how busy he is and the weight of his debut. Heeseung’s got one shot to make a good first impression and the last thing you want is to distract him from achieving his childhood dream of being a successful idol. 

Still, the silence stings.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Heeseung knows you’re waiting on him and ignores the pit in the bottom of his stomach that tells him to text you back. 

His new life has changed in ways he couldn’t fathom. When Namjoon told him the news about his debut and all of the details surrounding it, Heeseung felt as if the weight of the world was no longer a burden for him to carry, and that all he has ever wanted would eventually come to fruition. His new friends, namely the three guys around his age who have trained to become musicians, are people he gets along with more than he thought he would. Heeseung’s newfound excitement about the next chapter of his life takes him to new heights and he finds himself spending more time with Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon as they prepare for the debut showcase. 

Heeseung knows you’re waiting for him back at home but it’s so hard to focus on you when he’s wrapped up in his new life. Making time to see you is hard enough as it is and he knows you’re as patient as can be. In the years he’s been friends with you, Heeseung knows that your resilience knows no bounds and all that you’ve experienced in your lifetime has built the strong-willed, confident person he knows you to be. 

But his new life gets him caught up in the feeling of the present success. The three guys have known each other far longer than Heeseung has known them, only greeting each other in passing since all four of them were training in different areas of performance art. It wasn’t until they were living together that Heeseung started befriending them beyond practice and rehearsals. Jake’s the one who includes Heeseung the most on group outings or spending time playing video games in the living room. His entire life he’s been alone or with just you, seldom having a group of guys who just gets him. 

Heeseung tucks away the nagging feeling in the back of his head when he and Jay are preparing a meal for the four of them when he sees a text from you. 

hey hee, are you busy right now? it’s been a while since we hung out and i thought it would be nice to go get boba, or something. my treat !! <3

He shoves his phone in his back pocket before Jay can notice him staring at the screen. The message goes unanswered for the rest of the night as he basks in the company of his friends-slash-coworkers, the thought of getting boba with you far removed from his mind. Playing video games and getting to know the people he’ll likely be working with for the foreseeable future takes precedent. It’s what Heeseung keeps telling himself. 

After a while, the guilt no longer eats him alive. You’re busy focusing on graduating and preparing to attend university in the fall while he’s made his debut with his newfound best friends. It’s no surprise to anyone that Heeseung’s fanbase grows at a nearly alarming rate after he makes his debut. He grows popular with each day that passes and it feels like Heeseung has become the face of the newest generation overnight. 

He’ll wonder what you’re up to from time to time and let you know how he’s doing. Heeseung first sends a text to apologize, lying about not seeing your text sooner and that he’d love to get boba with you when he has the time. You tell him not to worry because you know he’s busy. He texts you pictures of his first performance and scenic pictures of the cities he visits because of his travel and promotion schedule. You update him on the end of the school year and how your mother is dealing with you moving away for college. 

The texts become sparse as the two of you resume your separate lives and Heeseung doesn’t realize that you don’t text him until the day of your graduation–the day that he was supposed to graduate if he hadn’t deferred to the trainee program–wishing him well and that you’re thinking of him. You send a video of yourself pulling your tassel over the graduation cap and he feels nothing for the lost time when he’s on his way to promote his first album overseas.

It’s for my career, he tells himself when he realizes how much time has passed since he thought of you. I’m doing what’s best for me and everybody else needs to get used to it.

It isn’t until Heeseung is permitted a few days off that he comes home per his parents’ request. He doesn’t tell them that he’s a bit homesick even though his dorm is a thirty minute drive, but it feels oceans away when his days are packed from morning until night. He tells his parents about his travels and what kinds of food he’s been eating when he’s overseas. Heeseung gifts Minjun all of the trinkets and souvenirs he bought from his time promoting his album, and what his future holds for him when he returns to his life as an idol. Mr. and Mrs. Lee applaud their son’s hard work, yet they can’t help but feel like there’s a piece of a puzzle missing because you aren’t here to celebrate with them. 

You make a visit at Minjun’s request. When you arrive, you’re stunned to learn that Heeseung is back at home and only has the evening until he needs to return to work. Heeseung can see the disappointment that festers in your eyes and the way your shoulder droops as you smile at him for his family’s sake, although he knows it’s false bravado because your grin doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

 He leads you upstairs to his bedroom when Mr. Lee insists that the two of you spend some time together after not having seen each other in ages. It feels awkward to be in his childhood bedroom with the door just slightly ajar at this moment, but it isn’t anything completely new.

What is new, however, is seeing that you’ve dyed your hair a different color and that you’ve gotten your ears pierced.

“You look good,” he says, lifting his hand to toy with the end of your hair. “It matches your skin tone nicely.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Did you do it recently? It looks fresh.” 

You don’t note that Heeseung also has a different hair color than his natural jet black. 

“Two weeks ago. My cousin did it for me.” 

He nods. “Nice. It looks good. I see that you’re wearing necklaces too.” 

“Yeah. I decided it was time to stop being a child and get it over with.”

“You know, you don’t have to do things if you don’t want to.” You throw a pointed look at Heeseung and it’s an expression he’s unfamiliar with. 

“I know. But I like earrings and that’s why I wanted to get them pierced.” 

Heeseung wipes his hand on his pants at the awkward tension in the room. He knows he’s to blame. His schedule and priorities have pulled him away from you and the life he’s built prior to debuting, but can anyone blame him? Can anyone blame him for not being able to balance his life when he’s been given the keys to a new empire? 

“Well, it was nice seeing you.” You throw a cheap smile in his direction and motion to open the door until Heeseung grabs your wrist, causing you to turn around. 

“You’re leaving?” 

“Yeah,” you nod. “You have an early day tomorrow.” 

Heeseung sharks his head. “It’s fine. I don’t have to be back in Seoul until ten anyway. I’ve missed you and I want to spend time with you before I absolutely have to fall asleep.” 

You scoff. “That’s real funny, Heeseung. You missed me but all of my texts and calls go unanswered.”

He frowns. “You know that I’m busy most days.” 

“And nights?” 

“I’m with the guys back at the dorm.” 

You poke your cheek with your tongue. 

“See, I would know all of this if you bothered to talk to me at all but it sees that your new life is treating you just fine.” 

You make another move to leave his room but he closes the door, startling you with the loud noise. He apologizes quietly and uses his body to block you from leaving for the time being. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve just been so busy between promotion and rehearsal that it’s hard to keep track of who I keep up with and who I don’t.” 

“You’re talking to me like I’ve never seen you cry before,” you say with a disappointed sigh. “You act like I’m somebody you once knew in a past life.” 

“Not true. You’re my best friend.” 

“Best friends would bother to talk to each other. You know that, right? I don’t exist just so you can pick and choose when you need somebody to talk to. It makes me feel like you don’t actually care about me, Heeseung. It makes me feel like you’ve ever cared about our friendship unless you needed a shoulder to cry on and I was the first person who would listen to you.”

“That’s not true. I’m just busy.”

“I get that, I really do. But it’s been months, Heeseung. I know that I can’t have your attention all the time and I know I can’t see you as often as I did. But would it kill you to let me know you’re alive? The only time I hear about you is when other people talk about you or when I see you on billboards. That doesn’t feel like a friendship to me.”

His fists ball at his side and his frustration surfaces. Heeseung is frustrated at everyone–himself for being unable to say ‘no’ to his new friends, you for expecting so much of him, and his company for keeping him as busy as he is. But he doesn’t know how to communicate that, not when you’re standing in front of him, looking like he’s the villain in your life when he feels like he’s not. 

“Well that’s life, Y/N,” Heeseung settles. “Sometimes we need to learn when to prioritize things over others.” 

You laugh humorlessly. “Is that the hill you’re going to die on? You’re too busy to send a simple text back or let me know that you’re, I don’t know, okay?”

“You can’t be a priority all the time.”

“I know that. I’m not asking you to drop everything for me just because I called you. I’m asking you to treat me like somebody you care about, Heeseung. Is that too much to ask?” 

The anger Heeseung feels within him feels misplaced, but your inability to hear him about makes him even angrier. It’s unfair for you to demand such things of him when he’s pursuing everything he’s ever dreamed of.

“Yes, it is too much to ask,” Heeseung bites back. “You don’t understand the gravity of what I do for a living and it’s hard to appreciate it when you’re breathing down my neck. God, when did you become such a clingy person, Y/N? The world doesn’t revolve around you and I don’t owe you shit just because you can’t handle that I’m busier than you are.” 

“You’re kidding me, right?” 

“I’m being dead serious.” Heeseung steps away from the door. “You of all people know how badly I want this and now it’s like you’re not letting me enjoy what I’ve worked for. What kind of friend does that make you?” 

The words tumble out of his mouth before he can catch them. His need to be the victim in an uncertain period of his life causes him to misdirect his frustration with adapting to his new life and the proof is written all over your face. 

“Y/N, I didn’t mean–”

“Don’t,” you say sharply. “Just don’t.”

Frozen, Heeseung watches you open his door with such force that it nearly slams into him. He’s quick on his feet to follow you downstairs where he sees his family looking perplexed when you’ve opened the front door without saying goodbye. 

“Y/N, I didn’t mean it!” Heesueng yells when you’ve crossed the threshold of his household. “Please come back inside.”

“You made it very clear that I have no place in your new life. Congratulations, I hope you’re happy.” 

You walk away while the deep feelings of disappointment and uncertainty settles in Heeseung’s chest. He walks back inside and closes the door behind him to see Minjun and his parents in a deep stupor, trying to make sense of the scene that has just unfolded before them. 

“What happened?” Mrs. Lee asks. 

“Y/N and I…” his voice cracks. “I don’t think we’re friends anymore.” 

The room is silent, save for the ticking of the wall clock. 

“Maybe it’s for the best,” Minjun says without a smile. 

Heeseung wants to tell her that she’s wrong and whatever conversation they must’ve heard was a product of two friends having their first serious argument. Heeseung’s own frustrations towards his new life is something he doesn’t talk about often because he’s worked so hard to become the person he is, and it would be ungrateful to complain about what he has yearned for his entire life. It bottled up so much that hearing you accuse him of being a poor friend caused him to unravel and say things he doesn’t mean. 

Mrs. Lee beats him to speaking.

“Don’t say that, Minjun.” 

The young girl remains quiet and refuses to meet Heeseung’s eye.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

In the few years that follow, you resist rolling your eyes when you see Heeseung’s face in magazine ads and billboards across the city. Life takes you to university where you spend the next four years deciding on the rest of your life before you settle on something everybody said you’d be good at. 

Graduation approaches far sooner than you’d like and it becomes bittersweet when you see the Lee family, sans Heeseung, in the stadium next to your mom, who are all equally shedding tears as your name is called. Heeseung being absent feels hollow, like another reminder that people choose to leave your life without a moment’s notice but for the sake of keeping up appearances, you smile at the camera when you accept your diploma. 

It’s not a surprise to you when you find yourself working in entertainment like Kim Namjoon said you could all those years ago. 

A job is a job, but he was right when he told you this would be something you’d excel at. Day in and day out, your responsibilities differ as you begin working at Hybe, formerly Big Hit, to manage the profiles and public appearances of idols and other public figures alike. 

Heeseung doesn’t hear from you much. His parents update him on your coursework and send him photos of you at graduation. He cries every so often when he feels the urge to call you and tell you about his day, but doesn’t know whether he has the right to do that anymore. The years in his position has taught him what true life balance is, especially with the media and paparazzi taking an interest in his personal life. 

It feels so exhausting to have nobody you can depend on. These days, it’s just him and the three boys he met at the beginning of his career. Heeseung’s popularity has grown so much that he can’t tell up from down. It drowns him in a way he never anticipated and the politics of fame and the industry wasn’t something he accounted for when he began dreaming about a career in the performance space. 

Perhaps it’s why he spends his days feeling listless, like he’s got no real potential after achieving his dream. He knows his managers worry for his health and that the other trainees in the building can sense something has been off for a while. Maybe it’s why he roams the halls with headphones on to drown out the noise that’s become his everyday life, with talks of meetings and promotions and everything Heeseung wishes to get away from, if for only one day.

When Heeseung bumps into somebody on his way out of the company elevator, his first instinct is to lean down to collect the papers that have fallen haphazardly on the floor. He pushes his headphones until they rest around his neck and stands to hand them back to the person he bumped into. Only, he feels his body freeze when he sees who it is. 

Like Heeseung has always believed, if you really love someone, they will always come back to you. 

“Y/N?”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ 

potential part two ft. the rest of enha … this was a therapy piece lol

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ 

taglist: @enha-stars @karinasbaby @baevsxii @lillotus17 @syzavxy @mrmld @nikilvrfvr @luvyev @notevenheretbh1 @wvnkoi @seungiesgf @kgneptun @judeduartewannabe @iheartjayke @wonsbubble @ilyjxdz @foggysfrog @oddracha @haechansbbg @tobiosbbyghorl @ryunjin0 @sharksandminhos @jungwoneez @alex-is-sleeping @minjaexvz @woninluv @engeneeee-168 @friendlyuser57 @moony-mari @trdhgg @sleepyhoon @sunghoonsgfreal @i02hoonz @riksaes @021894s @zeeloveshee @jwnghyuns @vhuteryh @cloudiesblog @awsome209 @fleurixzs @xiaoderrrr @marshwatz @aeripark0703 @bambangan @papichulomacy .

apologies to all tumblr wouldn't tag. :)

[dazed--xx]

SKZ Reaction: He hurts the reader II (Hyung Line)

A/N: this is for @slayhyunjin one of my favorite followers and I’d like to say a friend now. Merry Christmas hun you wanted them to make up and I did what I could but please remember in part one Minho was a Yandere so his is technically a good ending in his mind but I will have the Maknae line out soon so get the cutest most fluffy Jeongin pics ready cause that was what was promised 😭😂 but anyway I hope y’all enjoy this and it makes y’all a little happy to see that I’m alive and still writing.

Masterlist Part 1

Chan:

Your phone had been ringing off the charts since you had left your shared apartment with Chan. You stared at the waves of the ocean as the sea breeze kissed your tear stained cheeks. Your fear had dwindled in the hours you had been sitting here on this empty beach. You bite your lip, maybe you did misunderstand. You knew Chan almost better than you knew yourself; which is why you know he’d never cheat on you. You know that she probably did fall or even if she purposely fell Chan was probably innocently helping her up because that’s the type of person he is. Well, you thought he was…that is until that lamp whipped past your head and was sent crashing against the wall. Guilt filled you as you remembered the way Chan pleaded with you not to go. He knew you had nowhere to stay, you weren’t from South Korea though you had lived here for almost 5 years it wasn’t easy for you to make friends as a foreigner wether you fit in or not. You didn’t fit with most of the things that happened around you in this country and without your relationship with Chan though, living here was apart of your dreams growing up, you would have never made the leap into moving here without him and his support. Tears filled your eyes once again as you remembered the only people you have to talk to would probably immediately send Chan over to your location. You hate yourself for wishing he was actually here, you hate how much you feel like you need his insight in what you should do but you did know he’d probably think of an answer logically without including his own emotions into whatever advice he’d give you. You sigh heavily as you lift yourself from the sand and make your way back to your car. Your phone in hand as the special ringtone you had set for Chan blared through the speaker. You almost chuckle to yourself at the irony; he finally called you right after you thought about how much you needed his help. You were relieved to see the comforting texts from his members after they had called but for those few hours you had been gone Chan hadn’t once called you. Pressing the green button you lift the phone to your ear hesitantly as you sit yourself in the drivers seat. .

You almost let out a sob as you heard his tear laced voice ring through your phone “Y-Y/N?” He questioned as he sniffled. You hear him struggling to catch his breath between his sobs “Y/N if you’re there you don’t have to say anything but please just listen..” he pleads, you could tell he was trying to calm his breathing “I-I’m so sorry, I know what you saw with that trainee looked really really bad…b-but I swear I don’t even know that girl. She is—was just a backup dancer for the Case 143 concept but since she made you and me uncomfortable we all agreed she can work with Itzy or Twice.” Your heart clenches at his caring nature which is why the girl still had a job in the first place. “But Her actions and my behavior wasn’t okay and I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that and I don’t want to make any excuses like I was angry because that doesn’t make it okay. I should have never gotten that violent, I should have just let you cool off and came to talk to you when we both had calmed down and. For that I’m so sorry and if you don’t want to be with me anymore I’d completely understand honestly I think you shouldn’t be with me anymore because what I did isn’t okay and I know that and i deserve for you to leave—ITS NOT LIKE YOU HIT ME OR ANYTHING!” You exclaim almost fuming at the way he was describing himself “it doesn’t matter. What I did was wrong and I don’t want you to justify it either. I was wrong to do that it makes me sick to my stomach knowing I could have really hurt you. Thank god I didn’t but what if I did? I wasn’t paying attention Y/N you could have gotten seriously hurt what would have happened if it hit you—but it didn’t” you cut him off once again, as tears rolled down your cheeks “Chan are you breaking up with me?” You hear a whimper release from his lips “Why would you want to be with a guy that almost hurt you physically?” He questions “you even said you wanted to get your stuff and leave me because of all this” he cries “why wouldn’t I want to protect you even if it’s from myself? I love you more than anything in this world and that’s why I don’t want you to forgive me because the idea of you getting hurt by my own hand makes me disgusted I can’t even look at you without feeling like shit knowing I really fucked this up” your heart cracks at the pain and guilt laced in his tone “you want to know why I do want to forgive you?” You ponder “You do?” He asks bewildered you give yourself a small sad smile before answering “yes, because if you were really the type to hurt me physically you wouldn’t feel like breaking up would be the best option, you think about things rationally and always put how I feel or could possibly feel first. You genuinely show that you care about me and it makes me know you’re a genuinely good person and that’s why I love you that’s why I want to be with you. Things were…intense to say the least but I do want to work things out soon maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but I do want to work things out with you and move on from this with you as your girlfriend” the line goes silent for a second “okay..b-but can I ask you something?” He asks hesitantly “yeah anything..” you reply instantly. “C-can we move on from this with you as my fiancé? I really didn’t want to propose like this but I really really want to marry you and I can’t imagine us breaking up without me at least asking you s-so that y-you do know my intentions” You can hear the hesitation and love in his words the question really throws you for a loop “C-can I answer you when I’m ready to come talk? I do want to be with you but I’d like to be proposed to properly I don’t want to remember the way we got engaged like this even though the answer is and will always be yes but for right now it’s a maybe later I love you Channie I’ll see you in couple days I promise..” you reply lovingly. You can almost hear the smile on his lips as he responds “I’d wait for you forever don’t worry I’ll see you soon my love and I’ll do it right next time I promise..”

Minho:

The smell of mildew filled your nose, the feeling of your bed is different. Your eyes are burning as they adjust to the fluorescent light, your eyes widen in shock. This isn’t your room. You look around in a panic as you throw the foreign blanket off you. You look around the room, you didn’t see a single window. The only furniture that was there was the bed you were seated on and a chair across the room facing where you were once sleeping. Where were you? You lift yourself from the bed and make your way toward the door, noticing your lack of pants and shoes you rush toward the door trying to twist and pull on the knob before slamming your fist into it repeatedly “HELLO?! HELLO?! IS ANYONE THERE?” You call as you continue to pound your fist on the door. Panic filling your body in a tidal wave you hear footsteps coming toward you “HELLO?! Who’s there?! PLEASE HELP ME!” You hear the person stop infront of the door as you try to open it again. “Hello?!” You call once more to the stranger finally realizing how much of a bad idea it was. You had no clue who was on the other side of that door. It could be the person that put you here. Were they going to hurt you? What did they want? You questioned to yourself, bile rose in your throat as you heard the slight ‘click’ from the lock and see the knob turn “W-wait!” You shout the door doesn’t move “A-are you going to hurt me?” You question pressing your ear to the door only to hear silence in return “please answer me” you plead the stranger knocks once “d-does that mean yes?” You question fear filling your tone. They knock once again “Does that mean no?” You hear two knocks in response “O-Okay…why am I here? Where am I?” You hear a heavy sigh on the other side of the door before they force it open.

Your eyes widen in shock and relief washes over you, as you’re greeted by your boyfriend. “Minho!” You exclaim tears almost streaming down your face as you rush over to him and wrap your arms around his neck burying your face in his neck “Thank god! Why did you do that why didn’t you answer me I’m so scared right now and you couldn’t just tell me what was going on? What happened why am I here how’d I get here? Where are my clothes?” You question as you pull back noticing the stoic expression on his face “I took them” he states matter of factly. “W-why?” You question slowly removing yourself from from him “so you can’t leave of course” he smiles sinisterly. Your mouth hanging open in shock “what? You did this to me so I can’t leave?” He smiles once more the light that always sat in his eyes now gone their almost soulless. “Min what’s going on? Something seems off” you question nervously as you take a step back away from him “you think it’s okay to break up with me? I think it’s quite okay that I prevent that. You told me to not come back to see you anymore. I can’t just let that happen, it’s okay you just have to stay here; I’ll take care of you baby, don’t worry.” He says taking a small step toward you as he placed a pout on his lips “can’t you hug me again? I wasn’t ready so I really didn’t get to hold you like I wanted” his hand caresses your cheek “what do you mean I just have to stay here? What about my apartment? My job? My friends and family?” You question. Minho smiles sickeningly “That’s the best part baby everyone already thinks you’re either dead or missing at the very least. It’s okay I made everything look very believable and it won’t be linked to me or anything I am really sorry that I did have to collect your blood a little, I know you’re scared of needles that’s why I put those pills in your drink so you would sleep through it cause I know you’d be scared but, because I needed everyone to think you’d died in the ordeal but you can’t even feel it can you? I really did a great job right baby? Now we can be together and nothing is wrong anymore everything is fine. I mean it will suck to have to act really sad around my members knowing you’re alive but I have to so they don’t think something is wrong didn’t I do good baby? I’ll always do great things for you and now you can be free from those burdens, I’ll take care of you. You can live here it’s a house I know about that’s underground you can walk around it as you like. I’m sorry I locked you in here but you were sleeping and I didn’t want you to possibly sleep walk or anything because that was one of the side effects—you’re fucking crazy” you cut him off in shock at his admissions. “What the hell is wrong with you?” You growl. Fear grows in your stomach as his façade drops the smile quickly gone from his lips turning into a straight line.

“Fine then I guess you can’t go around as you like. And if you try to run I’ll cut your Achilles tendon look I don’t want to have to do it this way but you’re not giving me a choice so go lay on your bed and think about what you said to me and fucking fix it when I come back with food for you. I love you so I don’t want to have to leave you in here for too long, but I am an Idol you know? things like random world tours can come up and be there for months on end so who would take care of you if I decide to leave you here while I go? Either figure out if you want to be truly like the old you and die in a bloody gory death. If you be good and listen to me like you used to then I’ll be just as good to you. I don’t want to hurt you nor does the idea appeal me honestly it makes me nauseous but I’ll do what I have to. Be good lay down and just let me love you the way only I can. There’s no one else for you anyway it’s us for the rest of our lives babe and if you have a problem with that, well I’ll take Stockholm Syndrome even if it’s your own brain tricking you into loving me again just so you can dissociate from this. I’ll take it but if you act like this again we will have an issue.” He threatens tilting his head to the side taking a step toward you “Do you want there to be an issue?” You shake your head in response “O-of course not, Min I-I was just surprised by what you said. I’m just mad you had to use a needle on me but I really appreciate all the effort you went through, y-you did well I promise. Im not mad at you im sorry for trying to break up with you I won’t ever do it again but Min I don’t want to stay here let me go with you.” You force out, you felt like throwing up at the softness of your tone. “I’m sorry baby you have to stay here but if you’re really not mad come here give me a kiss let me hold you.” You pout at his words “p-please min I don’t want to be left here don’t leave me here please I’ll be good ill listen to your rules can’t I just be with you all the time? C-can’t I just live with you? I’m scared please Min” you plead, you felt disgusted with yourself begging him but you could tell he’s unstable and you didn’t know what he was truly capable of but you knew this was not going to end well if you didn’t listen to him. Bringing yourself closer to him you place your lips on his feeling his arms wrap around you and you could almost pretend like things were how they used to be.

Changbin:

Waking up in a panic you look around the room, almost worrying when you didn’t find Changbin sleeping beside you. The events from the night previous replay in your mind as you lift yourself from the bed. A sharp sting spreads throughout your back. You groan in pain, the door shooting open at the sound. “Y/N, are you okay?” Changbin rushes into the room in a frenzy. You stare at him bewildered, “yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” You question almost sarcastically. You finally notice his disheveled state, the ghost of the trails of tears that streamed down his face. The scabs and bruises on his knuckles, you’re eyes widen in shock seeing his hands. Almost like a reflex you rush out of bed and grab his hand “What happened?!” You question worriedly taking his hand in yours .“I’m an asshole….” He states with a pout on his lips. “What? What happened to your hand Binnie? Are you okay?” He removes his hand from your grasp. “I’m a disgusting person…I was mad that I-sigh- I was mad that I hurt you s-so I punched the wall” you’re eyes widen “YOU PUNCHED THE WALL?!” You exclaim. “I fixed it after I made a hole in it. I have to paint it but it’s fixed” he murmurs. “DO YOU REALLY THINK I CARE ABOUT THAT FUCKING WALL? ILL DEMOLISH IT IF I WANTED TO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” You growl at him anger growing in your gut at the idea of him hurting himself. “I deserved it.” He states matter of factly. “Honestly I deserve worse. I’m sorry, but when you were sleeping I checked on your back and put some ointment on it but it’s a really big bruise. S-seeing it….I wanted to die. I hate myself for doing that to you. I got really mad at myself and it just happened. I’m so sorry, you don’t understand how much I said it when you were sleeping but I need you to know I’m really sorry and that it won’t happen again because-sigh-Y/N I think we should break up.” He sobs. You stare at him. “What? You want to break up? W-why? I won’t be clingy or harass you anymore I love you I don’t want to break up” you cry.

It was his turn to be shocked “Y/N I hurt you. I gave you a huge bruise on your back. I put my hands on you which is something I never thought I’d do. I can’t be with you knowing I did that and honestly I’m disappointed you would just let it go. Don’t make excuses for me, don’t try to justify it because there is no justification. I can’t redeem myself from this—yes you can—No I can’t you may be able to forgive me but I won’t be able to forgive myself. Look at your back Y/N! Actually fucking look at it I look like a domestic abuser. It makes me fucking sick!” He snaps. Your heart feels like it’s being ripped right from your chest and dangled infront of you. “Bin I love you I don’t want to break up we can figure things out. We can fix this. My back will heal” you go to grab his hand again “but the trauma from it won’t. Not right away.” He states sadly as he takes a step back. You let out a whimper “please we can work through this I love you. I know you’re going to be disappointed that I want to forgive you. But look at you right now I know you wouldn’t do it again you look like you hate yourself right now. You are beating yourself up already why would I pour salt on that wound I’m sorry but you’re not breaking up with me I’m the one that got hurt I’m the one with the bruise on my back so I’m the one that gets to make this decision and we’re not breaking up.” You see the disappointment on his face “Y/N.—no we’re not breaking up if that’s what you want to say then I don’t want to hear it” you argue placing your hands on your ears. A pout etched onto your lips as you stare at him with tear filled eyes. You shake your head at him. A small sad smile spreads across his lips. “Okay. You win we won’t break up. Im happy you’re quite stubborn and strong willed when it comes to people you love. But I am disappointed you would forgive someone that hurt you physically…” His tone is soft and caring. You feel the anxiety of a break up dwindling as you wrap your arms around Changbins neck placing soft kisses against his cheek. “I love you, you’ll forgive yourself in time with me by your side okay?”

Hyunjin:

“It’s just a sprain. Rest it for 48 hours and take your anti-inflammatory. And keep the splint on for a week or two as it is only a Grade 1 sprain. Come back if the pain gets any worse or if it seems like the swelling isn’t going down.” The doctor informed as he handed you your discharge paperwork. You nod along before making your way out of the hospital. You’re not excited about going home, the drive here was excruciatingly painful but at least your wrist is splinted. You couldn’t believe how Hyunjin reacted. How could he hurt you like that? The thought of the events earlier in the afternoon made you fee nauseous, how could the guy you loved for the past year choose his crazy ‘best friend’ over you? You had allowed Yerim’s antics to go on for too long based on her friendship with Hyunjin. Pulling into your driveway you’re quite pissed to see Hyunjins car still there. Meaning they were both still here. Your blood boiled as you forced yourself out of your car locking it behind you as you make your way to the door. Before you could enter your code into the pad, the door is forced open. You’re greeted with the sight of a disheveled Hyunjin. Tears streaming down his face, his sobs growing worse and worse with the glare you had directed at him. You roll your eyes as you shove past him, seeing his suitcase that was once under your bed now in the living room right beside the couch a complete lack of Yerims presence lingered. “W-wait! Please…” his whimpers between his sniffles as he wipes his face on his sleeves. “Wait for what Hyunjin? You weren’t supposed to be here when I got back remember? It seems your friend knows how to listen properly but you can’t.” You growl your mouth pulled into a harsh line, as you clenched your jaw. “I-I know but how could I just leave? I tried okay? I tried to listen to you I packed my stuff even though I didn’t want to I just—I couldn’t leave knowing you’re hurt. I couldn’t leave knowing that I may never get to see you again and I know it’s selfish but I have to try to fix this. I didn’t know what Yerim said but if it’s anything like what she tried to do then I’m sorry I never realized. I’m sorry I never knew the things Yerim did to you…b-but I do now! I swear I know the truth now and I’m sorry I should have never pushed you I should have listened to what happened.. a-and I would have probably done worse to Yerim if she said the things to me that she said to you.” He cries as he makes his way over to you stopping right infront of you he tries to caress your cheek. You flinch at his action, and a pout forms on his lips as he hesitantly places his hand back at his side “how’d you find out?” You question your eyes finally meeting his “cause there’s a reason I never told you”

His eyebrows scrunch together “does it matter how I found out? And why? Why would never tell me? How long has she been harassing you with that bullshit because that’s what it is. It’s bullshit! I never once slept with her. I never once told her I loved her, she was my best friend and I saw her like a sister and when she tried to throw herself on me when you had left I just lost my shit and realized what was going on.” He explained with tears streaming down his face. A heavy sigh is released from his lips and his current state is enough to send your heart into the morgue. “Jinnie—She was fucking pissed that I supposedly was choosing you over her but she doesn’t realize how many times you probably feel like I chose her over you. You should have told me but that doesn’t excuse what I did to you and I’m so fucking sorry Y/N. I really am, a-and if you let me I’ll make it up to you. Yerim is gone she’s out of my life she means nothing to me if she could try to ruin something that she knows I’ve dedicated myself to. She knew I wanted to marry you. She came with me to pick the ring for when I proposed but in the end even her attempts didn’t ruin anything. You knew she was bullshitting. In the end, I ruined everything but I will fix it. I’ll make it up to you I want to be with you I love you and I’m so fucking sorry” He cut you off dropping to his knees and holding your good hand in both of his “if you forgive me for this it will never happen again. I’m so sorry that I pushed you. I’m so sorry I let my anger get the better of me because you are right I heard her tell you those things and I heard you defend me and I don’t know I couldn’t think and I got mad. But if it makes you feel any better I pushed her too probably a lot worse than I pushed you and I told her I want nothing to do with her anymore I think she got the message cause she slapped the shit out of me and left” you’re eyes widen at his confession your hand instinctively lifting his face inspecting his cheek seeing the fading red mark. “I’ll fucking kill her she did what?!” You growl “she hit you?” You rush past him grabbing your keys only to be halted by Hyunjin grabbing your hand “it’s fine I deserved it for what I did to you” he comforts, your eyebrows raise “yeah and if anyone deserves to hit you it’d be me not her and I didn’t nor would I want to hit you let alone allow some slut to do the same thing to MY boyfriend. Don’t try to stop me cause I’m going to fuck her up Hyunjin” you notice the way his face lit up “Am I?” You shake your head at him in confusion “are you what?” He bites his lip as he stared at the ground “Am I still your boyfriend? What I did was really really bad…and I don’t feel like I deserve to call myself that anymore since you told me to leave” you look at him feeling a little guilty, whilst you did indeed tell him to pack his shit and leave you are kind of relieved he didn’t listen. While you didn’t enjoy the fact that he pushed you, his loyalty and the love he has for the people around him is what drew you to him in the first place. If Yerim wasn’t such a bitch and didn’t antagonize the issue then this wouldn’t have happened and yes, while he shouldn’t have pushed you he thought he was protecting his childhood friend.

“I’d like to think you still are…I-if you still want to be—more than anything I want to be your boyfriend more than I want to be an idol at this very moment” he cuts you off looking at you with hope. You bite your bottom lip and wrap your arms around his neck. You hear a sigh of relief release from his throat as he holds you against him as if you’d disappear when he let go. “Thank god….I love you so much I’m so sorry you won’t regret this I promise” he cries as he buries his face in your neck. You smile slightly pulling your head back to look at your sad puppy of a boyfriend pressing your lips against his. He kisses you passionately before you pull away “But if I ever see Yerim it’s on sight. She doesn’t have the right to put her hands on you just for rejecting her. She’s going to get her ass whooped and you won’t be able to stop me…”

[ginaluvr]

rating the changes between tmr book and movie

anyone who read the books first knows that the movie trilogy ended up telling a completely different story. i've been a big fan of the books forever so i thought i'd rate the significant changes made in the first one since it's generally the same plot. scale is 0-5 with 5 being good change.

the gladers initially not remembering their names: 3/5. maybe it was done to raise the stakes and make it more disorienting.

there are no real buildings in the glade: 1/5. this implies they had to start completely from scratch when they first arrived, which makes the maze seem like a test of survival rather than willpower and psychology.

leading on from that... the maze is actually outdoors: 0/5. you're telling me they had rain and lots of greenery in an outdoor structure in a desert climate? and the gladers had no real shelter provided? it also makes the test of their determination less powerful, because in the books, the maze was an indoor structure. the fact that they could technically climb the walls and see the outside world in the movies removes some of hopelessness and frustration for me.

ben is a runner: 4/5. makes sense! especially since we never learned how he got stung as a builder in the books.

the gladers are allowed to have a bit of fun: 5/5. i love the bonfire scene. i think it's a realistic change that a bunch of teenage boys would want to let loose every now and then.

they were there 3 years instead of 2: 4/5. i mean, sure.

no one has ever seen a griever before and survived: 0/5. makes no sense at all because the gladers are aware of the changing as a process! if no one has ever survived encountering a griever, where did they get this precedent from? how did they recognise that ben was stung? perhaps this info was just newt being dramatic since it comes from his dialogue.

they don't have grief serum until teresa arrives: 1/5. again, doesn't make sense. the changing being a process they're familiar with which brings back memories after they get the serum is entirely destroyed in the movie. this is the catalyst for a lot of the events in the book and it loses all its function.

several of the characters are different in personality: varies. thomas is more typically 'cool' in the movie and less curious and, to put it bluntly, less annoying. i don't like this change much, his constant curiosity and eagerness to learn and discover was a huge part of who he was in the books (if you know mbti, all i have to say is he was an INTP in the books and an ISTP in the movies). then we have minho, who was way less brash, hot headed, and reckless in the movies (he was also made into an ISTP while he was an ESTP in the books). i think alby is a bit different. i like both portrayals of alby, but i think he seemed nicer and more chill in the movie, probably just because the actor was very charismatic. this works because he can easily be charismatic as a leader. but him also being a stressed out kid with too much responsibility in the books, leading to him lashing out more and being less calm and collected, makes sense! gally is a bit nicer, actually rational at times, in the movie. he's also not, like, pathetic and embarrassingly petty. these are all traits in the book which emphasise the fact that he's a scared kid, so this also isn't my favorite change ever.

thomas gets memories back in his dreams: 1/5. unnecessary and completely removes the high stakes of him having no recollection of his involvement with WICKED.

minho doesn't find a dead griever: 3/5. at least they still accounted for why alby had to go into the maze. i still wish they did it.

alby was alone in the glade for a whole month: 1/5. it is not logical that someone would be able to run a whole farm and build shelter all alone at 15 years old without any help. it also doesn't make sense that he wouldn't have gotten killed in the maze on accident.

teresa doesn't come up one day after thomas: 2/5. i guess it doesn't really matter, but this is just one element of the timeline being quite different that wasn't necessary to change.

minho helps thomas save alby in the maze: 0/5. this is thomas's first big act of heroism and the thing that makes minho respect him. they should've kept thomas doing it alone.

the grievers are completely different: 2/5. i understand that this is probably a design issue for the movie, but the book concept of the grievers is better.

the maze is completely different: 1/5. i don't like the movie maze... why is it a circle. the idea of the 8 square sections that are repeating and consistent makes the maze so much more frustrating and bewildering! also that part in the movie where the walls start to fall and the floors come up... why. there's also no code hidden in the walls, which was a very cool element.

no cliff/griever hole: 2/5. not terrible because this would be hard to show on screen. but the fact that instead, in the movie, there is just a visible section that the runners never found before is a bit unrealistic.

gally never went through the changing: 0/5. gally's hatred for thomas in the movie is baseless, while in the book it's clearly about suspicion and fear. he's an understandable antagonist in the book.

thomas and teresa don't have telepathy: 3/5. would've been hard to portray on screen. takes away from the depth of their connection, however.

the gladers give up too easily: 0/5. this one bothers me! when all the other runners in the movie randomly quit their jobs. the whole point in the books is that they'd never do that.

thomas is looked to as a leader: 0/5. when he starts giving orders in the movie and leads the charge into the maze.... ughhh. again i think they tried to make him a more cool and admirable protagonist, but i think a big part of the books is that thomas never saw himself as particularly special, or a leader. he couldn't have done anything he did without minho's, newt's, alby's, teresa's etc skill, authority, support. they were a team and a family. instead, in the movie, they start to follow him without question when he was barely there five days.

the grievers don't only kill 1 glader per night: 2/5. adds tension but also takes away from the fact that the maze again wasn't a test of survival.

alby's and chuck's deaths were essentially swapped: 0/5. i really dislike this change. they took away the fact that alby's fear changed him, and that his last act was both selfless and scared. in the movie he just died on accident. then i think chuck actually chose to sacrifice himself in the movie, when in the books he was forced to as a variable by WICKED. this absolutely takes away from the utter pointlessness of chuck's death, and it's also ooc for a scared 12 year old to choose to die when he so badly wanted to escape.

thomas had no real reason to sting himself: 0/5. he already had memories coming back in dreams and they already believed they had found an escape in the maze. he literally had no reason to go through the changing in the movie and it's a bit overdramatic for no reason.

people take gally seriously as a leader: 2/5. this only happened because alby got killed off early in the movie.

this is one of my least favorite changes so i saved it for last. nalby erasure: 0/5. the movies definitely take away that alby was newt's best friend and the person he cared for and protected most. likewise, in the books, thomas's favorite and most prioritised glader (along with teresa) was actually always minho. although thominho wasn't erased as much in the movies, the fact that those two pairings were the strongest bonds we ever got between the boys in the books isn't really there in the movies. i think the movies allowed people to forget that newt being canonly gay actually means alby is his most likely love interest!

[mxsquibby]

Got my ass handed to me in ranked zero builds so

I think it’s time to finally write my Madoka magica movie four theory thoughts

MxSquibby's Walpurgisnacht Rising theory thoughts

(Thoughts are based off my knowledge of the franchise so I could be missing vital info)

I think the big premise for this movie is showing off Walpurgisnacht’s lore or some info about her. and like usual she is going to disrupt Homura’s wish. Or In this case her world and probably force homura to make a choice.

by the logic of Homura’s wish.

Three peoples karmic destiny should have been cranked up to a billion since the timelines always converged the most around 3 people.

Madoka(who the wish was for) and her amount karmic destiny is why she was able to make the ultimate wish and become the law of cycles for magical girl kind.

Homura (who made the wish) increased her own amount of karmic destiny which is why she was able to split apart Madoka (and take her memories?) and rewrite the universe to her liking which essentially just what she did in her labyrinth, but with more production value and can change the entire universe and not limited within the confines of her labyrinth and witch magic.

I’m guessing Homura’s got Madoka in what I like to call “The Good Place Season 2”

Which light spoilers for that show ahead but

One of the main characters, Michael, traps Eleanor and the other humans within a time loop. Erasing their memories every time Eleanor figures out what Michael is doing to them. Repeating this over and over. Over 800(0?) times, with each time him slightly tweaking and changing things to try and get a different outcome of her not figuring it out.

I think this what Homura’s doing to an extent. We saw at the end of rebellion, how fragile Homura’s hold on Madoka’s memories was. However all homura really has to do is ground Madoka back down to homura’s rewritten reality and since a part of Madoka does want to stay on earth and live a normal life this helps her forget easily of her god hood. However this very fact is what will always make her remember in the end. If madoka truly starts to enjoy her life on earth, She knows deep in her SOUL that she sacrificed her normal human life for a cosmic duty of Saving magical girls so anytime she thinks to hard about it or just kind of realizes she should only being viewing the lives of normal people not interacting with them she will start to remember and become magical girl god again but homura will just grab her again and reset her memories and then rewrite the timeline. Starting once again… essentially... ANOTHER TIME LOOP. Homura’s favorite thing 😂😭

And I’m guessing Homura’s got to do this a lot. Like hundreds of times. And if sayakas around during one these moments she sure as hell is also going to remember homura being a “devil” so homura will have no choice but to rewrite the timeline again and again. With each time she’s most likely going to make slight changes to the world in attempt to make Madoka not remember. I think it’s why she remembers so easily at first. It was waaaay to similar to the thousands of timelines her and homura lived through (ultimate Madoka is aware of all the timeloops homura and her went through so following that similar time loop structure will probably make her remember faster so Homura is going to start changing things. Which is whyyy we see the girls in different costumes at one point in the trailer. (I think this is why in that old ass concept trailer we saw Madoka being a ballerina, one to resemble Madoka just being part of Homura’s elaborate play now but to show her trying normal human things. Homura's going to help her find her human dreams. Maybe madoka wanted to be a dancer. Then after that fails Homura probaby thinks if she can find a perfect scenario where Madoka find some sense of self on earth maybe she will stop remembering her godhood. Maybe Homura can finally live a full human life with her and watch her grow. Maybe Madoka being a dancer, a painter, a musician, a celebrity. Something right? Will stop Madoka from reaching her magical girl potential. Homura’s so obsessed with giving Madoka the life she shouldn’t have had to sacrifice. So she will try over and over to make her happy. To find the one scenario...timeline if you will, where Madoka will be truly happy within her rewritten world.

Which will be a fun way to show the girls in different scenarios that we usually wouldn’t see them in. So like cool new costumes!!! Like cool bandage sayaka is just one of Homura’s AU’s or a by product of one of the new timelines she has rewritten. And sayaka is probably going to have a bigger part. Idk why I just feeeel it. She has special secretary powers. I believe in her. We saw all that special treatment they gave her in S2E1 of the anime timeline of magia record. Bitches love Sayaka. And like Bebe also has secretary powers I guess lol. But she just wants to hangout with mami and eat cheeeeeeese (yoooo plagg and bebe would be besties)

but This movie is just explaining the 3rd girl who’s karmic destiny was increased by this wish and then background info cause we know like nothing about her…

Walpurgisnacht (the reason homura HAD to repeat timelines)

Walpy (for short) is going to put an end to this loop homura and Madoka are trapped in. Or at least change or add to it.

what is concerning is that Walpy’s karmic destiny was already extremely high to begin with for her to end up looking like that. So logically she should be stronger than devil homura, and the only reason she isn’t stronger than ultimate Madoka is because of the wish of Ultimate Madoka made to erase witches. But since madoka’s slightly nerfed at the moment trapped in Homura’s rewritten reality, no one’s actively checking on the law of cycles. Sure girls don’t turn into witches but without Madoka actively monitoring the cycle this might have given some version of Walpy enough time or power to form or to come back and interfere. So I’m guessing homura might have to choose between keeping her time loop safe (and live her fantasy life with madoka) or let Madoka out so she can defeat Walpurgisnacht from destroying the universe homura has tried gone so far to get control of…. Cause homura, at least historically can not beat Walpy lol. So i'm guessing Walpy will always come back to cause universal destruction unless madoka is back. So will Homura be able to let go of her love for sake of the universe? a choice between keeping her love down on earth with her or letting her go and accepting that she’s nothing more than a universal concept. But like Homura’s crafty. She could weasel her way out of this

I will say a crack in this theory is from my own understanding that Walpy is made up of many magical girls? So either we are dealing with many girls coming in or some fusion magical girl perhaps? Or I guess just one of the girls from Walpy would do right? Perhaps the first girl? Though we don’t know if this was an individual wish, and then she absorbed other magical girls/witches or like a group wish? Kind of like the hospital trio. Like you can do a group wishes I suppose.

ALSO another addition to my thoughts. Homura isn’t the Antagonist. Should state that. Kyubey is. And like i haven’t even talked about this fucker yet. (Well in terms of the franchise as a whole, guessing for movie 4 Walpy is our more traditinal antagonist (She also probably takes the form of homura at first to fuck with her, Why we see two homura's in the Movie Poster but thats just a theory lol) but He? little rat noy. Within Homura’s new world order. He’s Most likely just collecting all despair and probably just collecting and suffering with the weight of all negative human emotions and curses within a labyrinth. Like. She probably just making him and the hive mind know what it’s life to feel emotions, specifically all those negative ones you’ve been putting magical girls through for hundreds of years. But like he could be up to some fuck shit. He technically is like a robot made by an alien race, right? So like they could finally pull up on us or something and be like “what have you done to my robo rat sons, you fucks”

But anyway I’m rambling a bit now but homura isn't the antagonist because she pulls Madoka from the law of cycles for a multitude of reasons, she states it’s for her love for Madoka. Which yes that is true but homura also understands Madoka should have never had to make this wish. The flower field scene conversation in rebellion is what makes homura realize this. Madoka is a normal girl, she just never got the time to figure herself out or to figure out normal human dreams. She was a young naive girl, where in many timelines used her wish to save a cat or make a cake. Because at first glance being a magical girl is a once in a lifetime opportunity, you don’t pass up. So she never got a shot at a real life when she should have. Madoka never wanted to leave behind her friends and family. She loves them. Like the girl don’t got much That’s like one of her core traits, she loves her friends, is a great daughter, and a great big sister, love cute things, is pink like 😭😭 But Madoka was just another cog in the magical girl machine but because of Homura’s wish it gave a Madoka a chance to look at the whole machine and see what the fuck has been going on. So Madoka, with no real dreams or goals, but is given the opportunity and explicitly told by the evil rat himself that she could make literally ANY wish. So when she sees everything and realizes she has the unique opportunity to save all magical girl kind from their souls being tortured for all eternity until murdered by another magical girl well no shit she HAS to make this wish. She doesn’t have any other choice in her eyes. To badly paraphrase Kyoko. "Something something if you have a loving family and good food on the table why on earth would you sacrifice that to be a magical girl? but who knows maybe one day you’ll be backed into a corner and you’ll HAVE to make a wish. If that day comes something something I guess i can approve of you being a magical lass"

So like. Is it fair? Ya know. All this is Kyubey and some alien race’s fault. Why should these girls have to suffer because of him. Who cares about the heat death of the universe. Let it burn, because if torturing magical girls is the only way of keeping it alive then fuck the universe. Like Madoka shouldn’t have to sacrifice her human life to save all these girls from suffering because they shouldn’t be suffering. They shouldn’t be turning into witches. Like 😭 and homura doesn’t think it’s fair that Madoka should be the one to make this sacrifice to save magical girls because Madoka wouldn’t have even been able to make the ultimate wish if not for homura’s wish but like also homura shouldn’t have been turned into a magical girl herself like it’s all fucked and idk what the end would even look like?

So Like a happy ending would be getting revenge on the RAT kyubey… and like idk. I don’t think that’s happening. Like if you want a happy ending for these girls I believe it falls within our little anomaly timeline. Which I like to believe the magia record game timeline is held within a phone. (Cause get it, it’s like a gacha game we play on our phones lol.) and when Madoka touched the anomaly timeline at the end of arc 1? Now the record phone screen is cracked 🫨🫨

I don’t think we’ll get a horrific or completely tragic ending but it will probably be bittersweet or mixed emotions. (Would LOVE TO BE WRONG, GIMMIE HAPPY) But also we won’t see the end end to this franchise for a hot minute lol. Like I’m pretty sure this is technically be advertised as the 4th movie. Though more like the second movie but I guess the movie versions of the anime do count I guess. Idk. The first two movies are fine, best part is just some updated animation and new yuki Kajiura tracks… but yeah i don’t think it’s the final movie.

Now what like actually happens? Fuck if I know. I’m still half expecting mayabu to find infinite iroha and make her pop in to save everyone cause idk. Is homura realllllly gonna let Madoka go. Ya know? Like she’ll probably try to control Walpy or fight her for a hot minute before even considering of letting Madoka go again.

And ALSO.

Okay I feel like I covered all my brain theories about the movie... for now… Idk if I explored or finished every thought. I know I be yapping. And I have adhd so And I can YAP about Madoka and then immediately forget where exactly I was at in my Madoka thoughts.

Imagine how more I could yap if I read the wraith arc. (It’s truly laughable how I’ve read all of arc 1 and the other story with it, most of arc 2 (I skimmed early bits so I could catch up faster, then end of arc 2 was happening and I wanted to be a cool kid and read it asap) quite a few events, and the early chapters of scene 0 (now behind lol) BUT NOT the wraith arc. And I know I could pull it up so easily lol. Hell I read the event where ui went back in time to see fart but not the wraith arc I- I read Christmas strings but i wont take my lazy butt to read manga of my fave series within like kind of main timeline. Like i know i dont need to read but I need to read it. cause having a better understanding of Ultimate Madoka's universe and how wraiths work would be cool. and maybe one of these days ill read another story but idk... Think id rather read tart or Oriko first lol

but yeah i've got to stop myself of this post will never end. I'll prpbably re-read it tomorrow and add edits lol

ALSO one last thought this is a theory I could be Super fucking wrong about everything. Like maybe sayaka looking like that cause of her secretary powers and not homura's universe rewriting at play? like there's so much i don't know haha

and again my theory could fall apart with like new info i didn't know about. there's a lot of content madoka content out there ya know

[dumping-ideas]

I'M DONE READING CURTAIN CALL!!

Warning!Spoilers for the event story

So apparently while it's painful around the latter half, it ends on a hopeful note. And I like that Rui's internal conflict happened not right from the beginning. But man, that Asahi is so shameless lol. You don't just steal a guy you're working with from another troupe to join yours, I'm sure that's a bad manner.

Also Rui loves WxS more than he realizes... that's so sweet. Rui chose to take the logical, obvious choice, but I'm glad Asahi made him realize that it's not what Rui wanted. But it's true, now that I think about if, Rui is the type of person who is unexpectedly moved by his feelings more than his logic, kinda the opposite of Tsukasa and more in line with Toya. Also, Asahi is just a little bit insensitive, but he's genuinely a great guy! And a great actor!! I want to see more of him!! Also, why does he low-key sound like Nakamura Yuichi lol??

I'm glad that Rui now have people he doesn't want to let go. Now I get reminded of SekaHaji's 'the greedy alchemist' line and 88 lyrics--'be greedy for your hopes and dreams'. Glad that Rui is still going strong in his greediness. Take Wonderlands x Showtime all for yourself and realize your dream to make a show that can cross over any walls, Rui!!

And now I realized why in his card, although looked like he was inside the hourglass, Rui was actually outside of it. It showed that he wasn't bound by time just like Nene and Tsukasa. He wasn't trapped, but free to do what he wanted with his time. The illusion of being trapped was his conflict in this event, but now that he decided to help everyone to pursue their dreams while holding on to them for now, he could breath without being constricted by time.

And this event kinda reminds me of Wonder Halloween because Rui worked through his conflict with the plushies as they had more or less the same worries/troubles. Are these occasions just coincidences or does Tsukasa have something to do with it? Also, other than the main story, I don't remember if Wonderland Sekai at night appears in stories other than the main one, so I wonder if the sky in that Sekai corresponds to the real world?

Also, I like this trend of Tsukasa having his own internal conflict going on in other WxS members' focus event lol. Not only his self-confidence took another big hit because he realized his lack of skills again (especially compared to the genius Asahi), but he also had a moment of insecurity when he saw how easily Arc Land casts could keep up with Rui in knowledge and directing. He's frustrated with himself a lot in this event. But Tsukasa is nothing but resilient, and he used said frustration to be even better.

But compared to Asahi, the story is obvious in showing that while Tsukasa is no genius, he's an actor that can cross over any walls through his dedication--the actor that Rui needs to realize his dream. I mean, Asahi had experienced war first hand, and yet he was captivated by Tsukasa's performance as Miles (a mage who brings happiness to a war-torn land) all the same. Tsukasa probably reminded him of Tom Gray at that time. So while WxS never knew war, I got reminded yet again of how strong and genuine Tsukasa's (and WxS of course) wish to make others smile through their shows. And again, Tsukasa wants to make everyone with no exception smile, so that tracks too.

And also, a kinda confirmation that WxS!Luka does share a trait with Tsukasa--they have a hard time sleeping if something's bothering them. It's nice to see the trust between Tsukasa and Rui goes beyond shows, as Tsukasa allowed himself to be reassured by Rui (and how he unknowingly did the same for Rui before lol).

[edit: I just realized something--Tsukasa lowkey thinks he can't stand on his own two feet yet, so that's why he wants to grow outside WxS, but in this event Rui decides to help his friends reach their dreams while not letting them go... They kinda clash, don't they? Tsukasa almost prioritized WxS, but with Rui telling him to cherish both his goal and WxS, I wonder what stance Tsukasa will take...]

And hm... judging from the few hints(??) I can see, is it Emu's focus event next? They highlighted Emu's reaction when Asahi said 'I didn't want to live alone like this'... And more than that, while this event card set show Rui's, Nene's, Tsukasa's, and WxS!Miku's (and probs Tsukasa's subconscious) stances about the time they have, Emu is the only one where we can't get a read on. But unlike the Holy Night card when she looked like she's holding something back, this time she looks refreshed, so I wonder what her focus story will be...

[writergirl3]

"Bring Me Back To Her"- Robaire x Reader

Here's the Robaire segment of the 'Song Lyrics That Describe Your Relationship With 4 Town', as promised. The original lyrics aren't g/n, so I've amended them a little. Also, let me know who I should write next!

Anyway, hope you enjoy🧡

---

“If the angels took me from this earth, I would tell them 'bring me back to her'.” - ‘Heaven Can Wait’, Michael Jackson. 

Mornings always were Robaire’s favourite time of day. The streaks of the first sunlight, that refreshed post-sleep feeling, the gratitude for another day of memories…the list could never end, honestly.

Especially when he gets to experience all of these things with you.

This morning, though, wasn’t like all the others. Sure, Robaire woke up with you in his arms, the comforter all tangled from your stirring. The birds were chirping outside of his window, undisturbed by any sounds of modern life. And your grip on him was as secure and clingy as ever.

So why did he feel so on edge?

Well, he blamed his subconscious for that. Robaire was no stranger to vivid dreams, but nightmares were, thankfully, more of a rarity for him. But not last night.

The details were hazy, and for that he should probably be thankful. Rubbing his eye with his free hand, he tried to recollect what had happened.

All he could remember was being dragged away from you. He had been thrashing against the force that pulled him upwards, reaching unendingly for your outstretched hand. You had screamed his name as he was lifted away from you, higher and higher. He wished he could forget the cries that contorted your features, exhibiting a pain he hoped you’ll never encounter. 

As he was snatched away from you, your figure had got smaller and smaller, a mere speck on the surface of the earth. Through ugly sobs, he had turned his attention skyward, ready to face whatever, or whoever, was tearing him from you.

His vision had been blurry, that much he remembered. Through his tear-stricken gaze, he had deciphered a pair of wings. To whom they belonged, he couldn’t say. The wings were in fact quite beautiful, glowing with a kind of luminous power that he realised he couldn’t fight.

Nevertheless, he had screamed out into his impending imprisonment: “Bring me back to them!”

And that’s when he woke up. Sweaty, and in search of you.

He hugged you tighter now, never having been so grateful to hold you. It was only when he pressed a soulful kiss to your forehead that he remembered.

Last night, before going to sleep, he’d been playing Michael Jackson’s new album. After you’d turned in, he’d continued listening to one particular song, Heaven Can Wait.

Detaching his lips from your skin, he felt himself calm down. Letting the lyrics of Jackson’s song ring in his ears, it was no wonder he’d dreamt what he did.

But, he wondered if there was more to it than that. The wings he’d dreamt about were awfully similar to the props that had hoisted him from the stage on the night of the Pandapocolypse. He’d thought a lot about how lucky he, and the boys, had been to get out of that situation unharmed. Maybe he hadn’t got over that night, and its potential consequences, as well as he’d thought.

With a sigh, he squeezed you a little tighter. Since Robaire met you, he’d known he’d be with you for the rest of his life, whatever it takes. So, logically speaking, there would come a day where the course of nature separates you. He just hoped that this detachment would be temporary, and a long way off.

Gazing back down at you, Robaire thought back to the lyrics of the earworm he has yet to defeat. In that moment, he realised that he couldn’t make it through life’s journey without you.With this in mind, he buried his face in your hair, whispering;

“If the angels took me from this earth, I would tell them ‘bring me back to them’.”

—-

4 Town Masterlist

[enchantedmirage]

Tears of Themis x Enstars word vomit, GO.

(more on, what do you wanna say if that ever happens lol)

HI HELLO? This is such a surprising concept since I'm already working on another Enstars AU, but anywho!

The core of Tears of Themis is that it has FOUR love interests, which plays hand in hand with our four agencies, well if that matters since we'll focus more on the personalities.. We'll forgo the dynamics the original four have (like marius being vyn's student, vyn and artem having worked with each other before, luke being part of the group the three are also in)

Now.. speaking of those four though, it's time to draw different parallels with them and a character from Enstars. It'll take a while for me to remember what they're exactly like since it's been about two or so years since I last played it..

Okay, starting off with a guy who works in the same field as you, he is your boss basically and would fuss about you not taking care of yourself- ding ding ding, who do I draw Artem parallel to? Ibara Saegusa.

so THIS stood out "Artem's favorite movie genres are art films and war films." and??? Okay, let's roll from that.

"Put himself to an unimaginable standard" Hmm..

Just a headcanon but they probably enjoy black coffee

Also fun fact he shares a va with Nagisa

(anyway I spent like a good ten minutes scrolling his card gallery)

And then soon after, we're introduced to a childhood friend.. yeah okay.. who works a dangerous job.. mhm.. that's will lie to you for your safety... Mama? Like he wasn't completely Anzu's childhood friend but.

"When he was a child, Luke dreamed of becoming a hero, making a charming appearance in times of need and beating all the bad guys. As he grew up, though, he realized heroes aren't always charming and glamorous and are often a mess instead."

UM?? HELLO???????????? (in shock at this guesstimation)

They're both also really reliable

He shares a VA with Mao!

So then, moving onto Vyn, because my friend's favorite was Vyn and she would always talk to me about how Marius steals her pulls and like?? He's something.. is he a manipulator? Is he a yandere? I don't know but when he said "Destruction precedes creation" it reminded me of the genshin fanart with Albedo as Vyn. ... AND okay, so Albedo, right? He's voiced by Nojima Kenji and the person is DING DING DING, the parallel goes to!

"Vyn is able to face anything with ease and skill, giving those around him a sense of peace, resulting in people involuntarily opening their hearts to display their truest self before him. If one's heart has secrets, they will most definitely be discovered by him."

Natsume, natsume??? I can't think of anyone else who would have this kind of description to fit.

Vyn has a very gentle temperament, but he is not what one may imagine as a weak scholar. He is very reliable in critical moments, and with his ability to maintain a perfect disposition, any weakness he might have is unknown. <- what Natsume wishes he could be/j

Oh, and the two of them have really influential parents, go figure.

However, he is sometimes derisive of common human flaws, such as the tendency to prioritize selfish short-sighted personal gain while still rationalizing those same choices as logical and intelligent <- BAHSHAJKA they're both hypocrites

Yeah okay, so last but not the least! jsldkjfsl this is super funny because Marius shares a va with TSUMUGI, TSUMUGI AOBA!! Him and Luke were my favorites actually, oh look.. me falling for the childhood friend trope and a character with purple eyes.. ah...

"It is difficult to understand this second young master. " <- Okay, Hiyori. I'm calling it now. Rich kid that gets on people's nerves sometimes? Hmmm

Good at art, though the only person that comes to mind is Hajime.. who is the opposite of rich.

YEP HIYORI WE GOOO

So conclusion? Yeahhh, four agencies? Nope, we have two cospro and two newdi idols sjdkfjsklj --- This does make for a good idea though! Thanks for the ask :3

[white-weasel]

Saw VII and Jigsaw thoughts this fine Saw Saturday! (We actually watched the movies on Thursday but shhh it was Saw Saturday for us in spirit)

I am so sad that Saw VII was…. Not Very Good to put it mildly. Very rushed and all over the place and just did not give me the same feeling as the other Saw movies which was upsetting as this was kinda supposed to be the end cap of the main series :(

Dr. Lawrence Gordon, the character you are. I was so excited when I saw that he came back for this movie but was so disappointed when he was barely in it. I was really hoping for him to be more involved in the story or at the very least to be given a little more explanation for why he joined up as an apprentice. Like give me this man’s psyche and emotional state!!! What made *him* decide to help John do unto others what was done to him? Did he buy into the philosophy? Did he develop some sort of weird Stockholm Syndrome when John nursed him back to health after he survived his trap?

Idk if this is just me but they treated Jill kinda weirdly in this movie? Quite literally just kept her locked in rooms and not allowed to do anything and like. Obviously I would also run to police protection if I had just tried to kill an incredibly dangerous serial killer and failed like Jill did at the end of Saw VI, but I just wish they gave her something more interesting to do than have a weird dream about Hoffman killing her with a train car and cower in fear

The blood and violence was so bad this movie and I genuinely don’t know why. My guess is it’s something to do with the movie being shot/intended for 3D? But even then I don’t think that should make the blood, like, pink right? I’m not watching Saw for the gore necessarily but it was a bit disappointing when you’d see Hoffman’s face ripped open from the end of 6, and then the next shot it looked totally different

(Speaking of the 3D, the scene at the end with Gordon tossing the saw was so unintentionally funny because of it. Like, yes king throw your hacksaw at the audience)

On the plus side I thought the character of Bobby was an interesting angle to explore. A man who basically used Jigsaw for clout and profited off of faking trauma then has to go on and live through that same trauma x10

(It is kinda weird that his wife was punished for his mistakes though considering she literally didn’t know he was lying……… like we saw in 6 with the mother and son that John doesn’t want to hurt those he thinks haven’t done anything wrong (though of course his logic on what that is is skewed) but now he’s suddenly cool using this woman as motivation for a man to do these traps? Seems off)

Mostly solid trap designs this time around!

Jigsaw survivor support group is also interesting! I couldn’t tell if everyone in that scene was actually survivors we had previously seen, but it was cool to be able to pick out a few of them and be like “oh my god I remember you!”

Wish we had gotten to see more Hoffman this movie as well, though seeing him go complete cold blooded killer in the police station was kinda fun, even if it was extremely goofy and unrealistic

If they wanted to, I could definitely see a world where Hoffman is still alive. Yeah he doesn’t have the saw to cut off his own leg, but we know you can skip the chain by breaking your own foot (Eric Matthews) and we also know Hoffman has no qualms about doing that sort of thing to survive (Reverse Bear Trap escape) so he definitely did that. The only question is if he could actually get out of the bathroom afterwards

There’s probably a lot I’m missing about my Saw VII thoughts but unfortunately it’s probably my least favorite of the bunch rn. I think it had some good ideas, some ideas that I was actually super invested in, but the execution was rushed and a lot of our existing characters were seemingly flattened to make them work

So maybe it’s just because I was coming off the disappointment in VII, but Jigsaw was an enjoyable movie to me! The pacing could be a little bit weird, but I also recognize that it was made like… 7 years after the last movie and they were probably trying to find a way to “modernize” the franchise and bring in new fans

The main thing I didn’t appreciate about this movie is how I felt it basically had to trick me for its twist to work. I absolutely LOVE the idea of “the game you’re seeing play out actually happened 10 years ago. We just didn’t say it was a flashback.” It’s such a classic saw thing to do and a lot of it a was foreshadowed. However stuff like the technology level and some of the fashion choices of the victims (I’m thinking specifically of the style of jeans Mitch wore) don’t always work with what would have been around in like 2001 or earlier. Maybe that’s me showing my age and I’m underestimating what was around in the late 90s/early 00s but it just made me a little mad because I felt I couldn’t just sit in the twist and instead had to justify why it didn’t make sense

I do however like the idea of Logan being someone who was saved from his trap by John. He was put in for making a careless mistake, only for John himself to make a mistake in his sedative dosage, not giving him an actual fair chance to fight for his life. It does help bridge the gap between the very obviously personal revenge John took in his first trap with Cecil towards the philosophy he spouts about the games being about appreciating your life later in the timeline

Genuinely though the whole movie I thought the killer was gonna be Detective Hunt, Halloran’s partner. I totally thought it was gonna be something similar to Logan where he wanted revenge on Halloran due to all the shit he had gotten away with. Also, the movie made such a point that “omg the body showed up at Eleanor’s studio/warehouse but only Logan and Eleanor knew about that place” but like….. Hunt followed them to that location. He could have gone in and placed the body there later to frame everyone and then told the cops about the workshop just to make sure the evidence was found. I was so convinced it was him because I felt like Logan was a bit too obvious for most of the movie lol

I liked the shotgun barn game. Very good early Saw trap/game. Short, sweet, and gets the lesson across

Logan’s reveal was hard as fuck, I don’t care what anyone says. I already made a post about how that scene is full of banger lines but it bears repeating: “I am him” “You have a choice: scream or don’t” “I speak for the dead” like okay sir go off

Logan certainly isn’t the most interesting apprentice or character, but I truly think that’s only because we don’t get to see him as an apprentice very much. From everything I’ve seen, he does not come back for either of the next two movies which I think is such a shame because there’s something to explore here with him being the first apprentice! With him being moreso an equal to John, teaching him part of his philosophy that’s so iconic about him, that’s a different apprentice dynamic from what we’d seen before and ahhhh I just wanna know the direction they would have taken this guy

Also makes me curious how much the other apprentices knew about each other. Amanda and Hoffman obviously interacted, but did anyone know about Logan? Was he just like “none of my business” when shit was going off the rails after John died? I want answers on how the Jigsaw apprentice relationships operate lmao

Overall, not the best Saw Saturday showing but yknow what, they can’t all be bangers. At the very least these movies have given me something to chew on and I also still enjoyed myself a lot. Saw, they could never make me hate you even if they’re doing the most with it!!!

I’m hopeful that my friend and I will be able to watch both Spiral and Saw X next week and then we’ll officially be through all of them and I won’t have to worry about any more spoilers! Hooray!

[lilac-gold]

I find it so interesting that Sunny's parents are nowhere to be found in Headspace. The only glimpse of them is the photo in Sweetheart's Castle after it's given to Omori by the Keeper, but Mari's a pretty large character in Headspace and it's her who Sunny killed. Logically, she would be the face he tried to forget about most- or go the other way and remember everything admirable about her as a result of his guilt, which he does. Sunny glorifies her in his memories, denying her death and his guilt, but he blocks out any recollections of his mom and dad. Maybe it them seemingly splitting after Mari's death, Sunny's family falling apart even more, multiplied his guilt but it began to manifest itself in the only was he knew how to. He forgot the bad, and refuses to think about his parents in his dream world.

What I find equally intriguing is that it's Hero and Mari who take up the roles instead. Mari offers Omori & co. a place to rest and recover, somewhere to eat food, get better and ask for advice. She acts in a parental manner to the younger kids, and while this could just be her older sibling instinct showing, she does seem to fit into the role of Omori, Aubrey, Basil and Kel's mother. Likewise, Hero offers warm meals and looks after them, healing them and getting them out of sticky situations. He's protective and mature, older than the rest of them and taking them on as his responsibility.

Also, he makes dad jokes and acts like an old grandpa sometimes. The foe facts journal adds so much more fun traits to the HS gang that we otherwise don't get to see

Idk if this has been theorised before, but it's also possible that Sunny's father appears in HS through Daddy Longlegs. The hat/ hat rack and 'daddy' part would indicate so, and it's interesting that a shadowy, faceless, tall figure holding a light and wearing a hat helps Omori get closer to Black Space & the truth. If Sunny hasn't seen him in years and is potentially mad at him about the divorce, he might have blocked out his father's face, only recalling someone guiding and tall with a hat on their head lol. DLL looks like a shadow- like a hole that needs to be filled, a missing space. Like how Sunny's dad is missing from his home

I'll probably have more thoughts on this tomorrow, but for now, I need to get some rest! I hope you enjoyed reading this far- thank you for taking the time to do so! I always love hearing people's thoughts on my little analyses if you wish to share them <3

[lumiereandcogsworth]

29. As a promise!

29. a kiss as a promise

on Ao3!!

word count: 1,262

—

Adam woke up scrunching his face, morning sunlight blinding him through the windows. He rolled over in bed, only to find his wife smiling at him.

“Watching me while I sleep, are you?” he grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

Belle chuckled, “I’ve been awake for four hours already, love.”

“Why on earth would you do that?”

“I didn’t! Your child decided to practice the waltz at half past four this morning! I couldn’t get back to sleep after that.”

Adam opened his eyes again, waking up a bit more but still in a fog. He reached over to place a hand on Belle’s pregnant belly. “I’m sorry little one was misbehaving,” he muttered, tired but earnest.

Belle sighed, melting back into her pillow. “Not the first night it’s happened.”

Her husband adjusted himself a bit. They faced each other in bed, which was often how they fell asleep — talking too late into the night until one of them (usually Belle) passed out.

“Have you had tea yet?”

“I’ve done about thirty things already, but yes, tea was one of them,” Belle replied, poking his nose.

He hated when she did that, but he wouldn’t dare start an argument when she was tired and carrying their child and clearly tired of carrying their child. Even if she wasn’t one to complain, as he generally was, he could sense her irritation.

“That’s good. Did you have any dreams?”

Belle’s eyes lit up. “I did actually! How did you know?”

Adam smiled. She dreamt virtually every night, and she always told him about it. “Lucky guess.”

His wife giggled, then looked up in thought. “I do remember, I dreamt about the baby, actually. I dreamt he was already born and I was holding him.”

“Was it actually a boy? Is this a prophecy?”

She hummed thoughtfully, “I don’t know. I think I just usually assume it is, in my dreams.”

“You assume it is in real life, too,” Adam teased, quirking an eyebrow.

Belle grinned. “Is there any harm?? I’ll still love it if it’s a girl. And anyway, you think it’s a girl. We have to have something to argue about.”

“Oh, darling, I don’t think we’re ever out of things to argue about.”

“True,” she laughed. “Well, regardless, that’s all I remember about my dream before I was so rudely awoken,” Belle said, accusingly looking down at her bump.

“Now, now, be kind. She didn’t mean any harm,” Adam said, affectionately rubbing his hand along her side.

Belle groaned, “I know, that’s what makes it so difficult,” she sighed. “I wish we could take turns. I could take this off and you could be pregnant for a bit.”

Adam coughed out a laugh. “That would be quite the sight.” She laughed too, and then he said, “Well, I’ll just hold the baby extra after she’s born.”

“Oh but I’ll want to hold it then!!”

“You’ve been holding her for nine months. Like you said! We need to take turns.”

Belle laughed again. “Fine, fine. I do admit it will be sweet to see you hold the baby,” she said with soft eyes.

He nodded, face twisted in thought. “You know, I realized the other day, I think this will be the first baby I ever hold.”

Belle smiled in surprise. “Really?”

“Mhm,” he nodded, hand still fondly on her belly. “I mean, I wasn’t exactly the type of person that someone would just give their baby to.”

She giggled, “Fair. But what about Chip?”

Adam looked to the side in thought. “Hmm… he was born here. I remember him toddling around a lot, always at Mrs. Potts’ heel. I don’t recall ever holding him myself, though. I was probably too nervous or indifferent to do so.”

“Makes sense,” Belle said, touching his cheek affectionately. “Well, then this will be special!”

He blinked. “Darling, I think the fact that we’re having a child is already fairly special.”

“No, I know,” she chuckled. “I just mean it’ll be doubly special. The first child you hold being your own.”

Adam’s eyes softened. He knew that, logically of course, but hearing it said made his heart swell a little. It was special. He smiled down at her belly, his hand was still there. He already felt so protective of their little one, he couldn’t bring himself to pull away.

“What about you, then? Have you held all the little village babies?” he smirked.

“Not all, but I have held a few. I remember the first one, actually. Père Robert has sisters, and one of them had a baby when I was…” she looked up in thought, then shrugged. “A child. Maybe six or seven. Anyway, we went over to their village, not too far from Villeneuve, because Papa had made a little mobile for the baby — just as he’s making one for this one now,” she grinned. “I remember they asked me if I wanted to hold her — it was a little girl — and I was so excited to. I sat on the sofa and they sort of just… laid her on my lap, but I remember my arms going around her and I knew how precious she was, you know?”

Adam nodded, a soft smile on his face as he listened.

“Her name was Sandra,” Belle continued with a smile. “Gosh, she must be all grown up now. I should ask Père Robert about her. And her brother! They had a little boy a few years later, I held him too.”

“What was his name?”

“François. He had the chubbiest cheeks.”

Adam chuckled, “Oh, well that’s good. Sounds like you had lots of baby experience, then.”

“Ah, not as much as you’d think. People were less inclined to introduce me to their children as I got older, especially their daughters. They didn’t like me interacting with them…” she said with a frown.

Adam’s eyebrows drew together. He understood why, of course, but it didn’t bring any further comfort to the notion. It only irritated him, tapping into the part of his heart that wished he could remove any fowl being that dared disrespect his beloved Belle.

“Well,” he replied, “I promise that you can interact with all of our children.”

His wife burst out laughing, immediately washing away all the thorny memories. “Wow, thank you so much, love.”

“You have my word,” Adam grinned. They laughed together, both their hands on her bump now, subconsciously including their little one in this sweet moment. Adam leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

“I can’t wait for our children to know you,” he whispered.

“They’ll think I’m strange.”

“Then we’ll be a strange family.”

She couldn’t help but smile. “Do you promise?”

Adam grinned, moving his hand to her cheek and coming closer to kiss her lips, softly and just as sweet as always. When he pulled away, he touched their foreheads together. “I promise,” he said in a whisper.

Belle smiled, shutting her eyes with such joy in her heart. She felt Adam press another kiss to her forehead, it sent sparks to her heart. The next thing she felt was a familiar and sometimes annoying movement from the baby. In this instance though, it only made her happier.

“There he is,” she said in a light, sing-song tone.

The two expectant parents returned their hands to her bump so they could feel the little dancing steps of their child. A million feelings washed over them as they awaited their little one — worry and joy and fear and excitement — but in that moment there was only sweet, wonderful peace.

[lorddarkkitty]

{This post has to do with my dreams that had involved both Eustass and Killer from one piece just letting y’know in advance. It also involves my belief around dreams so… yea. Heads up}

Okay let me start this post before I forget. (Edit: I indeed forgot to continue it lol)

So yesterday (6/7/23) I had a dream that had like Eustass in it. And he always kinda grumpy in my dreams but never harms me. Anyways he telling me to stay put why I don’t know but my ass don’t like to listen to I run ahead of him through these halls. And the walls were PlayStation 1 bloody texture kind of, red , right. And I’m running really fast and I triggered all the traps somehow avoiding get hurt. ( I also passed like this what seemed like Mario with this vacuum on his back like Luigi and the haunted mansion 3. Is this relevant not really) so I get into this room and I hear him running to catch up to me and he mad but I wake up.

But the thing is I don’t wake up scared of anything or like something is wrong or off. Nor do I feel like I been drained.

Now today (6/8/23) I had what felt like a nightmare but this time is had like Killer in it but he wasn’t wearing his mask. And you know he ate the smile fruit. So he was smiling all the time. But I was scared of him and trying to escape him. I think I was in some weird warping (dream logic) house but every time I’d try to get out through the window he was already outside that window waiting for me and I just turn back and run to somewhere. I was so terrified of him cause of his smile. Something didn’t feel right y’know. which I think it’s cause I watched the horror movie Smile cause that’s how it felt but I didn’t watch that movie the night before or even during the week it was months ago literally the first night it came to Amazon prime for free watch.

Anyways at some point I’m in this bed room. I’m on this double bed it pushed to the wall and that wall has a window and I open it to climb through and of course I can’t cause he outside right there waiting and so now I’m standing on this bed crying. And I must of given up cause I’m not running anymore and now killer’s behind me (this is where dream things get weird cause I’m not in first person view anymore.) and he not violent. He doesn’t hurt me. He loves his hand onto my wait and I’m breathing hard cause I’m crying like ima bout die. And he didn’t turn me around but takes his right hands and like cups the left side on my face like to wipe away tears and gently laying down on that bed. I don’t ever look at him and just continue to cry. But i wake up.

And I wake up with my heart racing like I do with any nightmare that I had but I also feel wrong. I’m extremely exhausted like I didn’t sleep at all. Which is weird. And I’ll explain why cause yea I had a nightmare your probably thinking yea you’re gonna feel like that. But like there is a difference something you feel you just know isn’t right. The whole chasing me and his gentleness before I woke up is so suspicious.

It might be strange considering the day before with my dream Eustass was in I was like” it always Eustass and never Killer. A whole -be careful for what you wish for- moment. Ha. Any dream I had with Eustass in it I never felt like I was in danger. But the dream with Killer I did. I inherently believe that something was chasing me around in my dream disguised as Killer. Probably thought it could trick me to get closer to me like that since he is my favorite character but I knew something was off which is why I was running away from him til my bitch ass gave up. The way he smiled was just wrong I can’t explain it. I believe this cause I woke up as if something has taken my energy.

I had nightmares before where I wake up and my heart is racing but never felt like something was wrong or that I was completely exhausted like I haven’t slept a wink.

Reasons why I believe is cause I use to lucid dream and I remember them really fucking well. Cause they were all night mares. And one of them I was literally BEGGING IN THE DREAM, SCREAMING TO WAKE UP, FOR SOMEONE TO WAKE ME UP.

After that I started sleeping with certain stuff that would help stop that but I stopped dreaming all together for a while. Or if I did I just didn’t remember them when I woke up but I always remember dreams when I woke up. Only after like 10 minutes they would fade away to be forgotten unless I replay it in my head over and over again to remember. But sometimes I’m get scared to dream or have dreams for a long while now cause I’m terrified of either getting stuck in a dream where I can’t escape or dealing with unfriendly things that can lurk in the dream plane or things that can use the dream plane to get to me. Which absolutely terrifies me.

I also think of it as something interesting. And I needed to get it out of my system and somewhere to put it lol.

[nny11writes]

is that deep feels prompt thing a request? i'll treat it like a request. part 1: 24 "Whyy are you crying?" "I don't know" and part 2: "laughing at yourself while crying". any pairing of your choosing. go fucking crazy!!!

ahjdfkgjsf, sorry this took so long anon!!!

Any time you see I've reblogged a prompt thing/ask a question thing/etc it is 100% there for you to ask or prompt away :D

Anyways I started this in my catrapta mode so I just followed through on that, sorta. There's a crush happening for suresies.

Rating: T for Cursing

Tags: happy ending, hurt/comfort, panic attack, sensory overload, mental health, crying, self blaming, lot of negative talk because this is catra folks I don't know what to tell you, Entrapta is the best at that's a fact, Scorpia makes an appearance, super pal trio, healthy coping? idfk I just projected onto the sad cat, it's my fanfic and I get to give the characters whichever bits of my own mental illness/coping skills that I wanna!, puppy crush catrapta

~

She really should have known better than to try and quietly have a breakdown while at Entrapta’s house, but Catra was never really known for logical decision making. Especially when the choice needing to be made came hot and heavy without warning. She’d been at the sleepover, felt fine, then woke up in a cold sweat at one in the morning with the distinct feeling that it was too late for her to flee. So Catra had barely managed to shuffle to what looked like the least used bathroom in the place, turned on the shower and quickly squeezed under the sink as her mind started to race. 

You know, as you do.

Something in her felt better just by knowing that she wouldn’t bother anyone, and equally important that no one would bother her. If Catra could have pulled the crust of the planet back to slip into a magma flow, she would have. But sobbing uncontrollably at sometime past 1:00 AM at your best friend’s house while said best friends are sleeping nearby is a totally normal and healthy way to deal with whatever this was. Yes, she was going to handle it alone and be fine and no one would be any wiser because it was fucking stupid (she was being so fucking stupid).

But while Scorpia had been snoring away, she’d made a miscalculation by assuming that Entrapta had any sort of sleep schedule that made any sort of sense. Weird out of the blue mental breakdown or not, that one really was on her.

“Why are you crying?” Entrapta asked, sounding the same way she did when someone tried to make small talk that she found particularly confusing.

Why was she crying? The detached bit of her turned to look at what Catra thought of as her inner Rogelio, who was normally very logical and made decisions when she was upset, but the bitch only shrugged. Probably a bad dream. Might be dehydrated. You ate dinner at least so it’s not hunger.

“I-I don’t know!” Catra miserably sobbed. The detached part of her sighed heavily and rolled her eyes while faux Rogelio lifted an eyebrow condescendingly. Yeah, yeah, I know, can’t be hard on myself right now. There was the other eyebrow now completing a look that any exasperated instructor would kill to have. Shut up, I’ll be hard on myself if I wanna! He was less than impressed. Oh fucking well, get in line.

“You don’t know why, but…” Entrapta tilted her head. “Is it a tag in your sleep wear? I can get scissors.”

Humiliating to remember that one, it had practically been her villain origin story over the holidays when everyone kept calling her cute and forcing her to wear different new clothes that were stiff, constraining, and itchy. Somehow Catra had failed to notice the tag in the new pajamas she’d been given and harassed into wearing as a friend bonding thing. She wishes she could blame it on the overly scented detergent Bow used but no, she just missed it. They almost made it to midnight before Catra had a massive freak out starting with her chapped lips and spilling some hot chocolate (not even all of it just a drop or two) and ending with the soul breaking realization that the problem was the tags in her clothes. Who doesn’t realize tags are bothering them until they’re halfway through trying to burn down their own life?

Catra apparently. Fuck she was an idiot and a mess. Detached her looked at Rogelio for confirmation and he nodded. Cool. No tags.Maybe a bad dream. Yeah that made sense at least.

“No, n-nothing like that.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

Catra’s sobbing turned a little hysterical because no duh. Inner Rogelio mentally gave her head a little pat pat, which was making an already awful but slowly becoming absurd situation a little more outrageous. “Yeah, me neither!”

Entrapta stayed squatted where she was, tapping her fingers away on her exposed knees as she looked around for something. Then offered, “Would you like me to turn the light off?”

Her “What?” sounded a lot more like “wah” in her head, and there was bastard Catra right on time. Wow, pathetic much? Couldn’t handle one bad dream and now look at you, a little baby. Always need something, don't you? Crying just to make people do whatever you want. Disgusting. Her fake Rogelio and detached mind were already starting to merge a little and that part of her reminded her of how stupid that sounded. Shadow Weaver nonsense.

“...the lights? Do you want them off? It can help to reduce stimulation.” Entrapta spoke slowly, clearly trying to think through what exactly she was trying to say and how to say it properly.

Oh! Yes, less input, she’d like the whole everything to get a lot less and smaller right now, please! “That would- that would be nice. Uh, hit the, uhm, hit the lights.”

“GREAT!” Entrapta all but leaped to her feet and smacked the light switch hard enough that Catra was sure she’d heard the drywall crack..

But it was also enough for Catra to giggle a little helplessly.

“Gotta commit to the bit.” Entrapta nodded, and even in the darkness Catra could see her smiling brightly. “Can I join you? Not in crying, I hope it’s okay but I don’t really feel like crying tonight. Just under the sink I mean.”

Catra scooted into the corner and waved a hand towards the open space, and within seconds she was surrounded by the grounding cold of the tiles on three sides and the soothing warmth of Entrapta’s arm and leg on the other.

They didn’t talk again, but it was nice when Entrapta eventually got up to turn the shower off. The steam was already starting to make her clothes stick uncomfortably to her, and Catra appreciated not having to talk to have the problem fixed.

Entrapta tapped her toes, wiggled her fingers, and rocked back and forth a little while humming and occasionally popping her lips which provided Catra with something pleasant to focus on instead of the three versions of her that were still trying to duke it out over why she felt so shitty. Which was a feat considering they were slowly melding back together with Catra’s more conscious emotional side. A thoroughly unpleasant feeling as she became a functional human again.

“Wow,” she eventually croaked, trying to scrub the remaining tears and snot off her face, “Hated that. Hated that for me. It was fucking lame.”

Entrapta frowned at her. “That was not lame. Or stupid, I know you really mean stupid when you say lame. It’s your favorite insult.”

Catra did somehow manage to not blurt, “Stupid is a stupid favorite insult, stupid!” and huffed instead. “Well it’s stu- it’s dumb that I don’t even know what set me off.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s stupid.” Entrapta whispered to herself, but it was plenty loud enough for Catra’s sensitive hearing. At a louder level she said, “I’m guessing it’s all the stuff happening right now.”

“What stuff? There’s, like, nothing happening in my life right now.” Catra was confused and her head and throat hurt from all the crying, and she just wanted to sleep for fifteen years and also never sleep again. But if Entrapta said she knew what the problem was, she probably knew exactly in excruciating detail what the problem was. She honestly wasn’t sure if she asked to figure it out or just to make herself feel worse.

“Well, you’re not at your own home. That’s one. You said it was kind of warm too. I know you forgot your meds a few days ago, that could be part of it. Your stomach is sensitive to acidic foods and we had pizza last night-” Entrapta didn’t even list off each point on her fingers, already seeming to know she’d need more fingers than possible. Catra just sat there stiff and embarrassed as her weirdo sins got listed one by one. “-you were worried Glimmer is mad at you, you took the lumpy bed to be nice to Scorpia, Scorpia snores pretty loudly, you’re picking up your car today and don’t know how much it’ll be, and you have that big project due next week. That’s a lot of stuff Catra.”

“You make it sound like my life’s awful.” She grumbled, unable to really provide a rebuttal considering Entrapta was probably right. That was a lot of little things stacked up, so one bad dream would be more than enough to crush her under the weight. Still, it was a lot better than getting vibe checked by DT when she got like this. Their way of helping often hurt a shit ton before Catra managed to shake a few nuggets of good out of it.

“MeeeEEEEeeeeeh,” Entrapta wiggled her hand in a so-so motion. “Not that it’s awful, there’s just a lot. …and I’m sorry I didn’t think about that last night, I should have let you use my bed.”

Catra snorted and groaned as everything flared painfully to life. Yup, she’d been right, she was being stupid and now Entrapta was trying to be stupid with her. “Self sacrifice isn’t good friendship.”

Rule one of the Reformed Super Pal Trio: Sacrificing something to make the others happy does not, typically, make them happy.

Scorpia had to stop giving ground, Catra had to stop taking/assuming blame, and Entrapta had to stop giving up her own physical comforts for others. It was a necessary rule for them to function as a friend group, otherwise Scorpia would start to feel steamrolled, Catra would get resentful, and Entrapta would just straight up shut down. 

“Well, we could’ve shared it. It’s big enough.” Entrapta said this the same way someone might point out an obvious plot point in a cartoon to a small child. A bed. Sharing a bed. With Entrapta? She did not need this in her life right now, that was a whole minefield of feelings she did NOT need right now.

“It’s a full size, that’s barely big enough for two people.”

“We are ‘fun sized’ though,” Entrapta argued, pouting a little as she continued, “besides you’re a real cuddler so we’d basically be a one sized fun size.”

“I am not!” Oh yeah, she was burning up right now.

“Small or a cuddler? You are only three inches taller than me and I can assure you you are snuggly.”

Normally that would be a declaration of war, right now Catra could only whine, “No, I’m not snuggly.”

“...but you are? Do you want to see the photographic evidence?”

“What photographic evidence!?”

Entrapta smiled awkwardly, “I forgot I was not supposed to tell you about that, so don’t worry! There is no photographic evidence to see anywhere, and especially not here, especially not from road trips! OH HEY, I smell coffee! Let’s go get coffee and breakfast!”

Coffee? Oh yeah, Catra could smell coffee too and food. Bacon? How fucking long were we under the sink!? Didn’t matter, she’d spent the night a miserable damp ball of dissociation fragments stuffed into a corner where she’d made Entrapta hang out the whole night to feel better. Stop being an idiot, stupid. Man, maybe stupid was her favorite insult? Huh. Probably more Weaver lies she needed to unpack later. Much later.

Catra was already half dragged out from her hidey hole before Entrapta paused and quietly asked, “Unless you’d rather not? We can stay here if you want to. I don’t mind!”

She scrambled to get her feet under her and not just be pulled like a sack of potatoes. Mmm, potatoes. Her stomach growled pitifully. Inner Rogelio got one last pot shot off before vanishing and leaving her head free of any weird fake versions of herself she compartmentalized into to cope. You ate last night and it’s now morning, eat something. “Only if there’s the little fried boys.”

“Let me check!” And with that Entrapta darted out the door shouting hello to Scorpia who gleefully shouted back a good morning.

Yeah, Catra was going to wash her face and let them get it out of their systems before making an appearance. She still felt off. Tired and sick, both sensitive and a little numb. But considering she was functional and had an appetite, Catra would take the win for what it was. By the time she made it to the kitchen, her friends had both calmed down a little and Entrapta was concentrating while pouring coffee as Scorpia put the last finishing touches on cutting up the toast into little bites.

A plate of eggs, skillet potatoes, toast, and two coffees later she was feeling a lot more human. They hadn’t talked during breakfast, which helped a lot more than she wanted to admit. In fact, Scorpia only made a peep when she coo’d quietly and pointed to Entrapta who was now sleeping on the table, her plate of quail eggs, mini toasts, and bacon cut into cute shapes nearly empty. It would have been darling if not for the raging guilt coursing through Catra’s veins at being the cause.

“Want me to get her?” Scorpia asked softly.

It was tempting, but Entrapta had helped her and it would make her feel better to help her. Did that make her a bad person? Too early for that. She pushed the thought aside to agonize over later. “Nah, I think we both need some sleep.”

“Gotcha, sleep well buddy!”

Did she almost drop Entrapta on the way to her bed? Shut up, maybe, what are you, a cop?

Did she pass out within minutes of settling them both on the super plush mattress? Duh, she had a rough night and Entrapta’s bed was suspiciously comfy. Don’t judge!

Did she wake up to discover Entrapta trying to stealthily take a selfie of her and Catra (who was basically clinging to her like some sort of octopus) together? That information is classified.

Did she feel a lot better thanks to having some really amazing friends? 

Yeah. She did.

[tired-needs-sleep]

i didn't plan on falling asleep, but it happened and i had a crazy dream again. i usually don't remember dreams very frequently but 2 in like a week's span is crazy in itself. anyway....

the setting is a place similar to blackstepple castle, a dark-colored castle that was very obvious was old. one event or another caused me, who happened to be sara this dream but for simplicity i'll just say kisaragi's name because i didn't exactly feel like me in the dream

they're with some friends and somehow they get captured. they're taken to the castle, and i don't actually think it was super far away. the terrain didn't change much, actually. it was all snowy. anyway, sara is thrown into a cell and faints, but a voice swirls around their head: don't know exactly what the full thing was but it ended with "you were destined to rule this castle." that's the last thing i remember in that part.

kisaragi's friends, who i didn't recognize from anywhere, found this odd pit with dark energy that they could interact with. it was in a cave but the area it was in had a hole in the roof to the surface. they messed around with this pit, and found that sara could somehow communicate with those friends through some means on the other side. don't know how because the dream never fully explainedz but what i did see was sara on the other side was in the bottom of the pit and could see silhouettes of those three friends, but if they tried to touch them they found it was just an illusion. but the voices were from the real friends and they even dropped some food down into the pit and it got to sara. yet i was aware this pit wasn't like a regular hole you know? like a portal that acted and looked like it wasn't one

at some point sara is trying to escape. unsure if there's anyone helping them but there's 3 different major guardians of this castle. and each had their own boss battle arena. sara got through two before they ran into the final one, a dragon. think it had four legs and wings and was dark colored too, but not the same as the castle wall color. like a navy blue color. anyway they try to go and escape through the door but it's locked, they get caught by this dragon, and are thrown back into their cell. again that voice says that they are destined to rule the castle, and she faints.

skipping over some time because i don't remember what happens between then and the second time sara and friends communicate again, they give them food and plan a second attempt to escape. once the meeting is over sara tries to touch one of their friends, but the portal's illusion ripples when they brush their fingers through. again, that voice speaks, repeats that they are destined to rule that castle, and instead of passing out, sara leaves and breaks through the prison cells, then releases the others in captivity after taking care of the guard. things get wild, prisoners are angry and vengeful against the guards with how they treated the captives. sara takes this distraction and bolts, some of the other captives also follow them. they easily cut through the first and second boss fight guardians, and for some reason or another, sara is the only one willing to actually fight the dragon. despite loosing the first time.

so they fight. sara does a little sword's dance and dodges the first attack. they manage to climb onto it's back, probably trying to reach the weak spot on the back of it's neck- like that's a hard place to reach on a cat or dog so i guess that's based in some form of logic. but then this dragon flies up, and flings sara into the air. that did.. almost nothing though. they use pursuit and catch up to the dragon, speed up it's back, and night slash. dragon screeches, and crashes down. it's a rough landing but they're alright.

i wish i could tell you what happened next, but i woke up around now. i remember seeing the dragon just laying there, but kisaragi was looking at it with shock. rightfully so, that was a wild battle, huh?

cool storyline even without some details that would've been helpful lmao. i just think medieval rpgs are cool and it's one of my favorite type of games

[karamfilmare]

Hello my darling love! I hope the world is treating you kindly 💛💛

I am very much in a self-ship mood, so if would be so kind as to share a little thought with me! It can be whatever your heart desires to share -like perhaps what do weekends look like for the pair of you? Where would you go on a date? What does a Wednesday night look like? Do you go shopping together? What does a cleaning day consist of?

Anything at all, I just want to see you gush about them and enjoy the love you share with them 💛

My dear Patchy!! My love!! I hope you're doing well!!

I'm putting the selfship stuff below the cut because I accidentally made it long ofsmkvajjg

Hmmm good question! Lately I've been reminiscing on Much Ado About Nothing by Shakespeare, specifically Beatrice and Benedick and their dynamic. And I just have to say that dynamic is probably my fave one? And how much I wish I could be in a relationship with someone like that? It's my dream fisknvoajt.

So, in my college AU with Alhaitham, I can only imagine in the beginning with Alhaitham, we don't exactly vibe. Obviously, I found him attractive -- it's impossible not to, not when he looks like he's sculpted by the divine. But when he opened his mouth and said something, my eye would twitch. I thought I understood what kind of person he was right after our first conversation: he is logical, rational, he does not let his feelings/heart affect his decision making, and he likes being right.

So I hold that impression for a while. And due to the nature of our mutual friends basically being one giant circle in the Venn Diagram, we met each other a lot. Each time we met, we bickered and quipped and the people around us would roll their eyes and just watch the show. Light hearted insults, really, nothing too mean--okay, saying I'd rather watch paint dry on a wall than spend time with him alone is probably a bit mean, but ya know, he dished what he took.

But I think slowly, I started seeing things about him that were ... Not matching with my first impression. Maybe it's the way he sits back and listens to his roommate or how he actually doesn't go 'I told you so' to every person. Maybe it's the way he seems to actually listen to a person speaking. And when he doesn't demean me or belittle me when I speak of my convictions.

I think when we get paired up in a gen ed class we have together, I definitely see more of him... alone. And I actually find him more pleasant to be around than being alone watching paint dry. We meet up at the coffee shop on campus and *yes* he does mock my drinks of choice, but not everyone grew up drinking Arabic coffee at home and I like sweet drinks! Don't worry, I get back at him when I see him dump sugar into his black coffee as well as put cream in. And of course, he pays—despite my protests.

I don't know when it starts–the feelings and all that. I do remember noticing the way his green eyes have a ring of amber, and that his hair looks soft. I do remember observing his face when he's reading versus studying. And perhaps I do realize that whenever we look at each other, the glances are just a tad too long. But I still... can't bring myself to be too vulnerable nor can I give up. If things change between us, then... what else is going to stand.

Our friends though? They definitely try to pull off some shenanigans. They're plotting, trying to find ways to get us together so that they might have some peace. If you know Much Ado About Nothing, then you know how it goes: the groups separate to talk within the vicinity of one of the victims while talking loudly about how the other victim is "pining" and my what a plot that is.

Well...if Alhaitham is pining, I guess I should try to put him out of my misery, I think. Though I don't know how he's pining since he rarely expresses his emotions. Typical Aquarius guy.

I guess I should have realized whenever we met for our project planning during the semester that my heart would skip a beat around him. Or that he would hold onto me a little longer after he'd catch me from falling onto the crosswalk while cars go by. Maybe it's how we start to understand each other a little without talking. Of course, neither of us have thought about kissing the other whatsoever, don't listen to any of what Kaveh or Cyno or Dehya have said.

I guess I finally put him out of his misery when we are at a small holiday party and we find ourselves beneath holly—"mistletoe is white, Kaveh" "too bad, I couldn't find any"— and we look at each other. Okay, so maybe I have considered kissing his lips, sue me. And with the ambience and the chanting of Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! in the background, we finally do. And it really does feel like in the movies. And when I try to defend myself saying "if you want more, we would probably have to date," he pulls me in for another kiss, chuckling against my lips while saying "I thought you'd never ask." I didn't ask, but semantics.

I think Saturday mornings are quiet days, where we lie in bed and maybe read together after we get coffee. His morning voice is to die for, but I don't tell him that. I just rest my head against his shoulder and take in the moment. And I know he is, too.

I'll stop here because fosnkfojat it's gotten so long, but I hope you enjoyed it hehe