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togenabi · 11 months

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the promised knight

knight!roronoa zoro x princess!reader

♡— after a lifetime apart, zoro finds his way back to you

word count♡— 8.7k (screams into the void)

genre♡— royalty au, childhood friends to strangers to lovers, slow burn bc a lot of things happen, but there's fluff bc I need there to be

content notes♡— fem!reader wears dresses, mentions of death and grief, very plot heavy, kuina and mihawk are here, canon-typical violence, original side characters, no use of y/n, proofread(ish), inaccurate royalty things, inaccurate chemistry/poisons/acids, yes I got the name florentia from ill be the matriarch

also on♡— ao3

author's note♡— quick explanation!: a regent has no right to the throne, they're just someone stepping in temporarily while the next monarch is absent or unable to execute their powers. happy reading!!

Your happiest years were when everyone was together.

Those were the days you’d sneak out of your lessons to go play in the training grounds. You’d find your best friends arguing about something or other, fighting with wooden swords and chasing each other around.

Kuina and Zoro did their best to include you in whatever game they were playing. You found it all good fun, even if you were mostly being rescued or hidden away somewhere. The proud smiles on their faces when they saved you always made the wait for them worth it.

“Why do I have to play the bad guy?” A young Zoro whines, frowning deeply with shoulders slumped. His wooden sword hangs lazily in his hand, pointed to the ground.

Opposite him, Kuina’s blade was up, stable and correct with proper posture. “Because we agreed I would save the princess today!”

You remember sending Zoro a small smile, trying to reassure him, “You can save me next time, Zoro. I promise.”

Zoro complained, but gave his all acting as a bandit out to rob you. You and Kuina would run into the meadow—hands held in each other’s—squealing and laughing. You’d always end up collapsed together; among the grass and the flowers. They would cheer and scream into the sky, happy that the great knights protected their princess once again.

But that same meadow is now covered with a blanket of melancholy. The colors aren’t as vibrant as they were back then. Flowers no longer bloom like they did. The children’s laughter has been replaced by a deafening silence.

Everything changed when Kuina died.

She was hit by a stray arrow, they said. They called it a tragic accident.

More sadness only seemed to follow after she was gone. Zoro left without a word, abandoning his training, and you along with it. Your mother, Queen Florentia, passed due to an illness a few months after that. In a blink of an eye, you lost everything back then.

The large doors to your chambers slam shut, breaking you from your train of thought. The thud echoes into every corner before fading into noiselessness once more.

A maid rushes in, completely out of breath and practically stumbling towards you. “Your Highness!” She gasps. Waving a hand, you gesture for her to calm down.

“Selma,” You pour her some water in a glass. It’s strange to see your personal maid so distressed. “What did you find?”

Practically inhaling the water, she places a hand over her heart before explaining, “You were right, Your Ladyship. The commander informed me that several knights had poison hidden in their quarters.”

Her eyes trail to the glass she’s holding, then to the pitcher. Selma’s face becomes appalled as it sinks in that you had poured her a drink. You cut her off before she can make a fuss about it.

“Never mind all that.” There are more pressing matters than decorum right now. “What else did Mihawk say? Have the knights been apprehended?”

“No, my Lady.” Selma retrieves a transparent vial from her pocket. “The commander said there's a chance the poisons were planted. Trustworthy men could have been framed… He discourages you from trusting any of them at all.”

The vial is small, barely larger than your thumb. To an untrained eye, it looks like nothing is there. You hold it up to the window, letting the sun’s setting rays shine through the glass.

There it is. A near-invisible, lavender sheen in liquid. The queen regent’s signature poison.

“Damn it all.” You sigh, falling into an armchair.

It’s common knowledge that most of the people are loyal to Queen Regent Cassiopeia. Not to you, the rightful heir to the throne.

Ever since she took the position after your mother’s death, she’s been doing everything in her power to discredit you. Though she's not in the official line of succession, her goal is to become queen by any means necessary.

You’ve only been able to hold on for so long because there are still people loyal to your mother, like Commander Mihawk. However, it will take only one slip up for your standing to collapse. Cassiopeia knows this, and you suspect that she plans to completely ruin you at the upcoming knighting ceremony.

On a paneled wall in your room, encased in an ornate golden frame, hangs a portrait of Queen Florentia. The gold reminds you of the gilded dagger she gave you as a child.

Subconsciously, your hand moves to rest over your pocket; where the dagger is hidden under your skirt. What would your mother have done in this situation?

You scan the painting as if the image would respond. It doesn’t, but your eyes settle on the necklace she’s wearing. It was her most prized possession, and she had promised to give it to you when you were older, but it’s sadly lost to time.

The vial grows heavy in your fist. Your mother would stop at nothing until Cassiopeia is defeated, so that’s what you’ll set out to do.

“Selma, get me some ink and parchment.” You order, feeling more determined. “I have a plan.”

Dracule Mihawk burned the note as soon as he finished reading it. Your idea was brilliant, if only a little complicated to execute.

Cassiopeia will demand you choose a personal knight during the ceremony. Assuming all the knights are loyal to the queen regent, none of them would be a safe choice.

So, you asked Mihawk to hire a skilled fighter to pose as a knight. Someone whose loyalty cannot be bought. Immediately, he knew who to recruit. Though he warned you that you might not find the man… agreeable.

“I don’t care.” You replied stubbornly. “I can’t afford to be picky. Just make sure that he won’t kill me in my sleep.”

Mihawk muses that he might be killed by you in his sleep. Because in a shady, run-down tavern, he sits beside a familiar green-haired swordsman nursing a drink at the bar.

“Fancy seeing you here, commander.” Zoro spits out the title in disgust.

“It seems that some things never change.” Mihawk hums. “You’re still in the same place as you were when we last fought.”

“And your legend ends with you kissing up to that false queen.” Disappointment practically drips from his tone.

“And here you are,” There’s an amused glint in the knight commander’s eye. “...still not able to beat me, Roronoa Zoro.”

Zoro’s jaw clenches in frustration. He breathes out deeply, “What do you want, old man?”

“Join my knights.”

Scoffing, Zoro can’t believe his ears. Is this guy serious? “I’m no knight. Not anymore.”

“Are you sure about that?” Mihawk tests. “The princess needs someone not easily dissuaded.”

At the mention of you, Zoro freezes. He squints at the commander as it dawns on him, “You don’t serve that Cassiopeia bitch.”

“Obviously.”

“But why did you become commander only after Queen Florentia died?” Zoro asks. “Everyone thought you were bought off.”

“That’s besides the point.” Mihawk hisses. “I know you’ve been wanting to make it up to the princess. I’m giving you a chance to do that on a silver platter.”

Zoro stays quiet, eyes watching the alcohol ripple in his glass. He’s not drunk enough for this discussion. And he meant what he said, that he’s not a knight. That dream died with Kuina, and he chose to pursue less honorable ways to become stronger.

It’s funny how Mihawk, who was an outlaw, traded his jacket for a suit of armor. And now, he's trying to act righteous. But some things are just—

“It’s not too late to change things.” Mihawk attempts to persuade him, calmer this time. “Something tells me you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Shaking his head, Zoro can’t believe this man is talking like he knows him. “What do you know about regret?”

When the commander doesn’t respond, Zoro turns to see Mihawk’s face, a grave expression marks his features.

“I know far too much, I’m afraid.”

Zoro studies him for a moment longer, curious as to what he meant—but he doesn’t dare ask. Only an idiot would test Dracule Mihawk.

This master swordsman, whom he’s looked up to for so many years, has changed drastically. Perhaps everyone has. It makes Zoro wonder how much you might’ve changed in the years he’s been gone.

You. He’s—there’s so much he wants to say. So much he wants to ask… but does he have the right to?

Who is he kidding? He doesn’t.

And yet, Zoro can’t help but wonder if he passes on this opportunity and regrets it, would he spend the rest of his life wishing he could make up for it?

After downing his drink, Zoro slams the glass on the bar counter.

“What do I need to do?”

Selma assists you with your hair and makeup on the day of the ceremony. She’s practically buzzing as she flutters around you. It’s nice that she’s still enthusiastic about things like these, even when dangers lurk in the shadows.

“You look stunning, Your Ladyship!” She gushes, adjusting the different layers of your dress so that it falls on you perfectly. “A vision, you are. Just like Queen Florentia.”

“Thank you.” You respond gratefully, despite not feeling as sure and confident as your mother was. Would that change, if you were to become queen?

A knock sounds on your door. Selma rushes to answer it, and lets Mihawk into your chambers. He steps in, but remains by the entryway.

“You look lovely, princess.” The commander bows to you in greeting. “I was instructed to escort you once you’re ready.”

Nodding, you approach him and hold onto his arm. “Let us be on our way.”

Keeping your face carefully neutral, you whisper to Mihawk under your breath, “Will you really not let me know the knight’s name? How am I supposed to know who to appoint?”

“You’ll know.” Mihawk pats your hand reassuringly. “Without a doubt, you’ll know. I just hope you’re not too hard on him.”

You side-eye him. “He’s not a convict or something, is he?”

Mihawk presses his mouth shut. This bastard, is he trying not to laugh? “You might actually prefer a convict over him.”

That pulls a frown out of you that you cannot contain. What on earth is that supposed to mean? Is the man that bad? How are you supposed to mentally prepare with such vague warnings?

All thoughts of the mystery knight fade into the back of your mind, however, when you and Mihawk make your entrance at the throne room.

The extravagant hall is decorated to the nines. Flags of different family crests hang from the ceiling. Flowers bloom at every window sill. You smile at it all, at your people—but it fails to reach your eyes. It’s difficult to truly smile when Cassiopeia stands dangerously close to your mother’s throne.

You curtsy when you reach the steps, one hand still on Mihawk’s arm as the fabric of your skirt dips onto the floor. You hear murmurs of approval from the ministers in the front row, pleased to see the good relationship between the princess and queen regent.

But they don’t see through your gloves, how your grip on your skirt is tense and far too tight. They don’t see how Cassiopeia’s smile is truly a smirk when you lower your head to her.

“Lovely to have you here, darling.” She says, and you fight the urge to laugh. ‘Lovely’ would be if she accepted her place and let go of her greed.

Mihawk guides you to the smaller throne on the left. This has been your seat since you were born. If Cassiopeia had her way, it would be your seat until the end of your days.

She glides to the center of the dais, the train of her excessive dress flows like a river after her. She stands; graceful, powerful and smiling—but she will never be happy until she can sit on the throne and wear your mother’s crown.

Whatever it takes, you will find a way to stop her.

“Welcome to the long-awaited knighting ceremony.” Cassiopeia addresses the audience. “It is an honor to have the kingdom’s finest pledge to serve and protect us.”

The ceremony proceeds to speeches from several dignitaries. Mihawk delivers a short yet intense declamation about the knightage being the greatest honor; and hands the queen regent an elaborate, bejeweled sword.

“These warriors before us today are hereby called forward to receive Knighthood. The kingdom will forever be grateful for your service.” Cassiopeia proclaims.

Attentively observing the knights lined up, you keep an eye out for the one Mihawk recruited for you. One at a time, Cassiopeia announces their name before tapping their shoulders with the ornamental blade.

You grow restless as the line dwindles. Frustrated, you throw questioning looks at the commander’s direction. He skillfully avoids your gaze. The nerve.

When only about five men are left, you begin to study them all and weigh your options. Perhaps you should pick someone with a smaller build, so that you can have a better chance of escaping? You also spotted someone who appeared clumsy. If you were to outsmart him, your odds of surviving weren’t so bleak.

But then—dramatically, as if in slow motion—the great doors to the throne room opened with a loud, booming sound. Everyone turned as light poured into the hall.

A swordsman makes his entrance. His armor is unassuming, but the three blades at his side demand attention. He wears a helmet over his head, but even after so much time, you’d know those eyes anywhere.

Mihawk was right. You would have preferred a convict—or maybe some rogue, or a thief who would rob you blind. You would have preferred anyone over Roronoa Zoro.

You thought you’d never see him again, but he’s here, marching towards the end of the line. You gape at him, feeling too many emotions all at once. Why is he here? Why now?

Mihawk intercepts Cassiopeia before she can question Zoro’s identity. “Forgive me, queen regent. This young man ran late due to an errand I sent him out on.”

How brilliant of him. Cassiopeia hates unexpected interruptions, but would never express her frustrations openly with so many people watching.

It’s amusing to see her grin and bear it. “That’s… quite alright, commander. I’m glad he made it before the end of the ceremony.”

When only Zoro remains to be appointed, you stand and call for the queen regent’s attention.

“Should he accept, this man shall be my personal knight.” You declare as Zoro’s gaze meets yours.

“What of your decision, knight?” Cassiopeia asks. Zoro nods, and the queen regent’s gaze sharpens. She understands that something is amiss, but passes the decorated blade to you without a word.

Back when you were children, you used to dream of this moment together. Kuina and Zoro would kneel before you on the grass beneath a shining sun, pledging their unwavering loyalty as you tap their shoulders with a stick.

You’re no longer children, but as Zoro kneels before you now, you still feel like a child all the same. Your clothes feel too big. The throne room is too vast; the ceiling too high. The sword is too heavy in your hands as you raise it.

“Roronoa Zoro. I hereby dub thee into the honorable order of knights as my chosen protector.” The blade lands on his shoulder—his right first, then the other. You pray to the stars that no one notices your hold quivering.

“Arise, Sir Zoro, and be recognized.”

You’re no longer children, but you’re still here. Playing a different sort of game.

Mihawk, the wise man that he is, makes himself scarce after the ceremony. You’re left to awkwardly journey back to your chambers with Zoro in tow. He doesn’t speak a word the entire time, but you can feel his eyes burning a hole through the back of your head.

Selma is there when you get back, your usual afternoon refreshments prepared. She approaches you, but stops short when she sees Zoro.

“Leave us.” You tell her. She obeys, albeit reluctantly—looking back over her shoulder more than once as she exits.

After the door closes shut, the outside world feels a million miles away; making the air feel tense. You hastily take off your gloves, the fabric suddenly feels constricting against your skin. Every fiber of your being wants to scream at him.

Roronoa Zoro. Your best friend who had left all those years ago. You don’t even know where to start.

Maybe throwing something at him will make you feel better.

You throw one of your gloves. The fabric hits his chest before falling pathetically.

“Seriously?” Zoro frowns at you, unimpressed. You throw the other one. It meets the same fate.

Grumbling under his breath, Zoro takes off his helmet. It vexes you how you subconsciously hold your breath until you see his face.

You huff skeptically, “Why are you here?”

“Mihawk said you needed help.” He answers with a shrug, causing his armor clink.

After a breath, he speaks cautiously, “I didn’t know things had gotten this bad.”

“How could you have known?” You bite back, “You left, Zoro.”

In a sense, you understand why Mihawk chose him. You asked for someone who wouldn’t kill you in your sleep, and Zoro—at least, the one you knew—definitely wouldn’t.

Some (rational) part of your brain is telling you to keep quiet and accept his help. With Cassiopeia planning a mutiny, time is something you don’t have a lot of.

But your heart still feels angry and hurt when you see his—stupidly handsome—face. The years just had to treat him well, didn’t they?

“I’m thankful for your help,” You admit disgruntledly. “But I’m not happy about it.”

Zoro calls your name. It makes your heart ache a bit, but you hold a hand up to silence him.

“Please, just—I need time to process this, Zoro.” Turning away from the knight, your eyes find the window. The sunset paints the meadow in deep oranges and blues. It doesn’t make you feel any better.

“...We’ll talk tomorrow.” You promise, your tiredness evident from your tone.

Zoro lingers, hesitating. But he doesn’t push you. You hear his armor shift as he bows before he leaves.

That night, Zoro stands guard outside your door. It’s good that no one else is around, it allows him to think in peace. About you.

The last time Zoro saw you, you were a small thing, getting dirt on the edge of your skirt. When he saw you today, sullying even the path you walked on felt like a crime.

He knew you would be mad. He had prepared himself to be yelled at. Maybe he thought you would cry. How much you went through didn’t really sink in until he saw how exhausted you were.

All the things he wanted to say, every apology and excuse, fade into nothing. The first thing he wants to tell you is how thankful he is that you’re still alive. It doesn’t matter that you stay mad at him forever, he’ll protect you for just as long.

Footsteps sound through the dim hallway. Zoro rests a hand on his blades, ready to fight back anyone who poses a threat. A knight he’s not acquainted with approaches, his steps staggering just a bit. The man carries a bottle of alcohol.

“Hey! New guy!” The stranger bellows. “This ’ere is a little something we prepared for ya, since yous didn’t eat dinner with us.” Zoro makes a mental note that they’ve been watching him.

“Take it, take it.” The knight tries to shove the bottle into Zoro’s hands. At the last second, Zoro spots a knife the man hides behind his back.

Quick on his feet, Zoro jabs the man’s neck, causing him to stumble. The knight charges at him, but Zoro effortlessly dodges. Grabbing the knight’s shoulder, Zoro slams his head onto the stone wall.

The bottle clatters to the floor as his opponent collapses, looking up at him in fear. Picking up the glass, Zoro sniffs at its contents. It’s laced with some sort of sedative.

Zoro pries the knight’s jaw open before pouring the drugged beverage into his mouth. The amber liquid spills. The man coughs, gurgling and struggling in vain until he slumps onto the ground.

Observing the bottle inquisitively, Zoro shakes his head before dropping it again. What kind of amateurish attempt was this? Is the queen regent testing his skills?

If anything, all this managed to do was—Zoro starts, turning to your door in alarm—…divert his attention.

Not a second later, he kicks down your door. The elaborately carved wood falls from its hinges, dust clouds billow once it crashes on the previously spotless tiles of your room.

You’re fighting off three large strangers clad in black, a dagger in your hand. Zoro tries not to think about how your eyes softened in relief when they landed on him as he cuts down one of the intruders. Maybe you still care for him a little.

“Took you long enough!” Or not.

“I’m here now, aren’t I?” He grunts back, slashing his sword at someone charging towards you. Zoro only realizes the deeper meaning to his words when you make a face.

“Don’t make being late a habit, Zoro!” Stabbing an intruder’s side, you quip at him, “You and your dramatic entrances, I swear.”

Zoro bites back a grin. He missed you more than you’ll ever know.

After taking down one of the intruders, you hide in your wardrobe as Zoro deals with the rest.

It would be smart to lock the door. Barricade it, so that no one can get to you on the off chance Zoro is defeated. But you don’t. You keep the door ajar to watch everything unfold. The way he fights is a captivating sight.

Look at him. Your knight in lackluster armor. Protecting you like how you always talked about as kids. He’s wielding two blades, one for each perpetrator still standing. You blink in surprise when you make out the third, sheathed blade. Kuina’s.

The more you examine him, the more you see how different he seems. He carries himself more confidently, unlike that boy who whined about roles, responsibilities and challenges.

You also see how gruff he’s become. He’s grown stronger, for sure, but you get the sense that he’s closed himself off from the world. Perhaps the years weren’t as kind to him as you'd thought.

The last intruder lets out a pitiful cry as Zoro knocks him unconscious.

“I’ll tie them up and let Mihawk deal with them in the morning.” Zoro says, pausing to breathe for a moment before dragging the men out by their feet.

Emerging from your wardrobe, you become dismayed at the sight of your room in such a state. “Did you really have to kick down the door?” You groan.

Surprisingly, Zoro blanks, appearing sheepish. “...I didn’t know it would break like that. I just—you should get a damn better door.” He mumbles, heaving the doors up and resting them against the wall outside.

When he comes back from restraining the intruders, he stands before you awkwardly—like he doesn’t know what to do when he’s not fighting or cleaning up bodies.

No one says anything. You both just take each other in, not completely recognizing the person that looks back.

You don’t feel so angry at him anymore. When all’s said and done, everyone has different ways of dealing with grief. Your heart only grows conflicted, wishing you had been there for each other instead of being apart. Goodness knows you could have used someone by your side. You’re sure he did as well.

“I—” Zoro falters. “...I’m glad you’re okay.”

‘Okay’ isn’t how you would describe your current state, but you nod anyway.

“You too, Zoro.”

In a secluded alcove in the royal gardens the following afternoon, you invite Mihawk for tea on the pretense of thanking him for your newly sworn knight. The story that spread was that you would have been done for were it not for Zoro. You don’t want to think about how true that might be.

“The queen regent is furious you were able to secure a knight loyal to you.” Mihawk informs you as he helps himself to some pastries. “We should avoid meeting for a while, lest she suspect anything of me.”

“Alright.” You agree. “Selma also informed me that we can gather statements from mistreated staff.” You show Mihawk a list of names. “If enough of them support us, and if we can prove Cassiopeia orchestrated what happened last night… We can take her down.”

“She will be busy attending a gala this evening. I’ll make sure no one is near her office while she’s gone.” Mihawk turns to Zoro, who is standing guard behind you, sending him a fearsome look. “Those men got a tad too close last night—”

“Mihawk.” You warn him to drop it. He doesn’t.

“Ensure that it doesn’t happen again, young man.”

“It won’t.” Zoro replies icily. The commander only huffs in response.

‘It won't happen.’, he said. But trouble finds you when Zoro steps on a tripwire in Cassiopeia's office. Arrows soar, launching from scattered, hidden contraptions. Zoro shoves you into a bookshelf, covering your frame with his.

“So much for her not finding out we were here.” You remark sarcastically, waiting for him to step back.

But then, as they cage your head, Zoro’s arms tense up. His expression contorts in discomfort.

“...Zoro?” Raising your hands, you cradle the sides of his face.

“Damn arrows,” He growls. “I think they’re poisoned.”

“What?!” You gasp, ducking under his arm to check his back. You find a wound where an arrow grazed his skin. “Of course you get injured when you don’t wear your armor.”

“Why don’t you try sneaking around in that thing, then?” Zoro argues, but you’re startled when the wound begins to bleed.

“We need to get you treated.” Panicking, you grab his arm and pull him along. He doesn’t budge. “Zoro, we should go.”

“No.” He refuses, hissing in pain all the while. “That bitch won’t let us find a way in here again. Let’s just be quick.”

“...Fine.” You cave, still worried, hating that he’s right. “At least stay still, search the desk. I’ll handle everything else.”

Zoro relents, opening every drawer and scanning every document in them. You turn your attention to the shelves, trying to find hidden compartments or anything that looks remotely suspicious.

It's not long before a loud crash makes you wince. Zoro found something.

A panel beneath the desk detaches, revealing an ornate box. Studying it, you hum, “It looks like we’ll need a key.” Zoro unsheathes one of his blades, cutting through the lock until it cracks open.

You shake your head. “Or we could do that, sure.”

However, instead of the nefarious plans or blueprints you were hoping for, you find old papers. All of them yellowing with age.

“It’s your handwriting.” Zoro points out, picking up the first document.

“What?” You lean in, reading the file over his shoulder. It’s a letter written to acknowledge a transfer of money. But the amount is astronomical, and you don’t remember signing anything of the sort.

“Look at the date.” Pointing to the corner, it reads more than ten years ago. And then it clicks, “My mother wrote this.”

“There’s more than one.” Zoro sifts through the papers, counting over ten.

“All of them are addressed to… Shimotsuki Koushirou?” He reads the name slowly. You look at each other, confused. Why would Queen Florentia be sending payments to Kuina’s father?

A tall longcase clock chimes to signal the hour. If you clean up now and review the evidence later, you can make it look like you were never here. You instruct Zoro to pack up the box.

“We should head out soon.” You say, moving to pick up the arrows scattered on the floor.

“Be careful.” Zoro reminds you.

“I am.” You show him that you’re holding the arrows by their tail ends. “You can go ahead, if you want. Get that wound treated.”

“Do you really think I would leave you?” You can’t help the incredulous look you send his way.

“...Forget I said anything.”

Back in your chambers, you twirl an arrow you decided to keep as evidence while examining the documents sprawled out on your carpet.

Zoro grabs it from your hand. “I thought I told you to be careful with that.”

You think aloud as he sets the arrow to the side, “I just can’t figure out why my mother gave Koushirou so much money.”

“Maybe she felt bad about the accident.” Your swordsman suggests. “We all did.”

“But why did she have to keep it quiet…” Mumbling in thought, you read the last receipt Queen Florentia signed. It had been penned the week of her death.

The sky grows darker, and it becomes more difficult to see. Zoro strikes a match to light a few candles, bathing the room in a subtle, warm light.

Beneath the dim, flickering flames, the sharp arrow on your tea table glints ominously.

It took you a long while to get over spacing out whenever you saw an arrow. It was one of the things that affected you after Kuina’s passing.

Sometimes, you think of how much better everything would be if she was still here. If it weren’t for that—

…accident?

“Zoro?” Your voice is unsteady, “...What do you remember about Kuina’s death?”

“It was some new guy at the training grounds.” He answers, frowning as he recalls what happened. “He misfired, and his knighthood got revoked after that.”

“But,” Memories come flooding back as you try to piece things together. “If the archers were practicing that day, what was Kuina doing in the grounds?”

“Kuina wasn’t in the grounds.” Zoro corrects you. “She was in that meadow we always went to.”

He points to the view outside, raising a finger to trace the horizon. “The arrow flew through the fence, but it was really dangerous, even—”

Zoro turns back to you with wide eyes. “Even the queen was almost hit! Holy shit, she was there to observe that day.”

You blink at him in disbelief, “My mother was the real target.”

“And she didn’t want the culprit to know she realized, which is why she kept quiet about the money.”

You collapse into a chair as you run your hands over your head. “Did anyone ever check the arrow for poison?”

“No.” Zoro’s face crumples. “She was hit straight in the heart... She wouldn’t have made it even if it wasn’t poisoned.”

“Oh, Kuina…” You choke back a sob, covering your face with both hands. “I’m so sorry it took us this long.”

“Wait.” Zoro calls out your name, taking your hand and kneeling in front of you. The strength of his grip hurts, but you don’t mind it. You need to feel that he’s with you right now; especially when his next question makes your heart fall through the floor.

“How did your mother die?”

“She—she got sick. A lot of our people got sick that year.” You answer shakily, not liking where this is going. “Do you think…”

“Queen Florentia could have been poisoned.” Zoro whispers. “And I bet that fake bitch was responsible for it. For Kuina’s death too.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” You counter, “Cassiopeia deals with poisons, sure, but she wasn’t even in the kingdom yet then.”

“...Someone must have betrayed your mother so Cassiopeia could be queen regent.” He suggests, rubbing circles into your palm. “Because isn’t it convenient, how she was there to bring the people together after Her Majesty died?”

It’s confusing how the world seems to have slowed down, and yet your mind is spinning so quickly, you can’t process anything. You squeeze Zoro’s hand to anchor you, but you shatter all the same.

“I hate everything.” You cry, tears streaming down your face. “I hate how I didn’t know—but we were kids! How were we supposed to know? And, I hate feeling so powerless. What—how, are we going to fix this?”

“We’ll find a way, I promise.” Zoro moves to embrace your form, but you glare at him.

“You. I hate you too.” You push him away weakly, but he doesn’t let you go. “I—I hate that you left, Zoro… You have no idea how lost I was.”

His eyes glisten with tears. “I was lost without you too.”

Zoro feels you melt into his arms. Your strength just vanishes, and you slump forward until your forehead touches his.

“...Don’t leave me then.” You whisper. You beg.

He holds your cheek, wiping your tears with his thumb. “Never.”

The last thing you remember before falling asleep is Zoro pressing the softest kiss to your temple as he tucks you in bed.

Selma barges in the next morning, slamming the (newly repaired) doors open. As you rub the sleep from your eyes, you’re starting to feel sad for the abuse your doors have been going through lately.

“Princess! Your Ladyship! Your Highness—” She stops abruptly, covering her mouth, looking scandalized. What is she so flabbergasted by—

Only then do you see Zoro sleeping on the floor beside you. He’s leaning on the bed, using his forearms as a pillow. One of his hands is intertwined tightly with yours.

“Your Highness!” Selma gasps playfully, gesturing to your mother’s portrait. “Right in front of Her Majesty!”

“Selma,” You sit up, letting go of Zoro’s hand. “Did you have anything important to report?”

“Ah!” She exclaims, face becoming worried once more, “The commander has been imprisoned!”

You curse, shaking Zoro’s shoulder to wake him. “Couldn’t you have told me that first?”

“Forgive me, princess. It’s not everyday I see you holding hands with a man. May I ask who confessed first, Your Highness?”

“Oh my god, Selma.” You groan. “Just go prepare my clothes.”

“Shall I dress you, or will Sir Zoro—”

“Selma!”

If Zoro heard any of Selma’s ramblings, he’s excellent at hiding it. You both get ready in record time. After which, he leads the way to the dungeons; careful to make sure you don’t run into anyone.

“We can sneak him out through that secret passage we used to play in.” You whisper, your knight nods.

“When we get to him, break the lock with your dagger. I’ll stand guard in case someone comes over.”

But someone already beat you to Mihawk’s cell. Zoro pulls you into a shadowed corner to hide.

The queen regent paces in front of the bars, her extravagant dress and cape out of place in this gloomy dungeon.

Mihawk is on the ground, his wrists chained with heavy shackles. Yoru is noticeably missing from his back. Seeing him like this is heartbreaking.

“I should have known you’d help that wench.” Cassiopeia sneers. “You’ll regret not siding with me soon enough, Dracule.”

“Now that you’ve found me out, I can finally ask you to stop calling me that.” Mihawk yawns. “My name always sounded revolting in your voice.” Crazy bastard, will it kill him to try to stay alive?

“But Florentia called you that, didn’t she?”

Zoro squints at how something about Mihawk changes at the mention of your mother. It’s almost imperceptible, but the air shifts dangerously. The queen regent should watch her mouth.

“Her name sounds revolting in your voice too.”

Cassiopeia scoffs. “You’re just like her. Thinking you’re better than everyone else.”

“Aren’t you talking about yourself?” Mihawk leans back, crossing his legs. “That’s not a good habit, Cassie.”

The queen regent kicks the cell. Mihawk doesn't flinch as she snarls, “I’ll deal with the princess and that knight... I’ll make you watch as the light fades from their eyes.” Gathering her skirt, her heels clack loudly as she stomps away.

As soon as she’s out of earshot, you and Zoro run to the commander.

“Mihawk!” You call out as you stab the lock with your dagger. It crumbles to the ground after a few strikes. “What happened? What did she charge you with?”

“Treason, apparently.” He shrugs, the chains holding him rattling together.

Mihawk goes on as you break his shackles, “This kingdom should be grateful we’re trying at all. We could easily leave them to their own devices—” You frown at him.

“...But of course, we won’t do that.”

Sneaking into the library, you regroup with Selma; who passes on vital information.

“The queen regent has the palace on lockdown. Everyone has orders to take you in.” She tells you. “But I’ve rallied the staff. We're going to plead your case to the ministers, Your Highness.”

“Thank you. Do you have my mother's letters?” She nods. “Good. Use them well. I'll make sure your efforts will not go to waste.” You say, giving her hands a firm squeeze.

“Where’s that fake queen now?” Zoro looks eager for a fight.

“One of the butlers said that the queen regent disappears sometimes, and no one knows where she goes.” Selma explains, passing you a note from her source. “There are rumors that she smells like grass when she returns.”

Mihawk lets out a disbelieving laugh, “She must be at the secret garden.”

“The what?” You ask. That sounds exactly like something you would have loved as a child, but why haven’t you heard of it before?

“It’s a place reserved for queens. Only crowned monarchs should be allowed in there, or even know where it is.” He says. “That woman truly doesn’t know her place.”

“Why do you know about it?” Zoro asks.

After a pause, the older swordsman deflects, “I’ve been called a queen once.”

“Mihawk,” You urge him to be serious. “Can you take us there?”

Before he responds, Mihawk looks at you with something you can’t fully discern, as if he’s recalling an old memory.

“Of course. It’s your birthright, after all.”

The entrance to the secret garden is hidden in a passageway beneath the greenhouse. You imagine your mother walking along this path, to a sanctuary she could truly call her own.

But the vision darkens when you think of how Cassiopeia has been using the space all this time. You hope you're still able to recognize traces of your mother when you get there.

An iron gate stands at the end of the path. Vines tangle through the metal spirals and flowers. Mihawk holds a finger to his lips, carefully opening the gates without a sound except for the rustling of leaves. You all crouch behind a large plant that fans out, over your heads.

And then, you see it. You see what your mother left for you.

The centerpiece of the garden is an intricate pedestal, Yoru is propped up against it. On top of it, however, is a glass case displaying your mother’s most treasured golden necklace.

You almost want to run to it, but Zoro grabs your arm, warning you not to take another step. He nods towards where Cassiopeia stands in front of oddly shaped vials and strange devices containing diff chemicals. She douses a sword with an eerie purple liquid as she speaks.

“Three against one... That hardly seems fair.” She kisses her teeth. Looking over her shoulder, she glares. “Why don’t we fight on even ground?”

Out of nowhere, a large cage falls towards the three of you. Mihawk pushes you and Zoro out of the way, but isn’t able to avoid the cage himself.

“And I just escaped. What a shame.” Mihawk fusses, but you can see that he’s relieved you’re alright.

“Maybe you’re meant to be in a cell, Dracule.” Cassiopeia remarks. “I’ll have your kids join you shortly.”

There’s only one of her, this should be easy, right?

She throws a bottle at you. Luckily, you’re able to dodge it. The bottle shatters, its contents spilling over the bystanding greenery. The liquid turns out to be acid, burning through the foliage and leaving a smoky trail.

Well, fuck.

Zoro also seems to realize how serious this fight is. For the first time since you’ve reunited, he unsheathes Kuina’s sword, placing the hilt in his mouth.

You brandish your dagger as you yell, “Really? You bite it? What would Kuina say?” He sends you a look. You try not to laugh.

And in the next second, you charge at Cassiopeia together.

It’s difficult to get close enough to land a hit. The queen regent leads you in a dance of acids and poisons. You dodge one bottle only to be met with the toxic end of her blade. It seems that your mother’s dagger won’t be enough in this fight.

“I didn't get this far to be stopped by the likes of you!” Shrieking, she lunges at you.

“You will never be queen!” You roar back.

Behind her, your eyes spot Yoru leaning on the pedestal. The blade is large and intimidating, and you’re not entirely sure if you can wield it correctly… But you might not have a choice right now.

As you were distracted, Cassiopeia’s sword almost cuts through your side. Panicking, you stumble backwards. Zoro slashes at your enemy’s wrist. Her hold on the poisoned weapon falters. It plummets with a clang.

While she’s occupied with Zoro, you rush towards Yoru. From behind the bars, Mihawk watches, holding his breath as you wrap both hands around Yoru’s hilt—but the damn thing is too heavy.

“Dear princess, you should have learned from your mother!” Cassiopeia smashes a bottle on Zoro’s head. “Stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong!”

The glass explodes into countless glittering shards. A red gas escapes into the air, and your knight inhales far too much of it.

He falls, and for that moment, the entire rest of the world vanishes until all you see is him. Your ears start to ring. His grip loosens on his swords.

No. Please. Not him. Not anyone else. No more.

Mihawk calls your name. You turn to him, on the verge of breaking down. But then, he nods once, slowly. The action reminds you to breathe—filling you with an overwhelming sense of strength. You can do this.

Screaming, you attempt to brandish Yoru again.

You swing the legendary greatsword in a perfect arc. Once it collides with the ground, the air ripples. Power surges through an invisible force headed straight for the queen regent. She tries to run, but the hit lands.

Her eyes don’t stray from yours as she collapses. In her final moments, she falls from grace, howling in agony and rage.

As a last ditch attempt, she throws one last vial of acid at Zoro. You’re about to curse the world all over again as you run to stop it.

Mihawk throws a tiny sword like a dart, miraculously breaking the container before it lands on your knight. Your knees give out, and you pull Zoro into your arms as you gasp for air.

It’s done.

Zoro wakes up to the feeling of you checking his temperature. Your hand is warm against his forehead, making him want to reach up and hold it. He should probably wake up and check on you now.

“Oh.” He hears Mihawk speak, “I didn’t realize your relationship took a certain… turn.”

On second thought, another minute of sleep won’t hurt.

“Not you too, Mihawk.” You groan. “I get enough of that from Selma.”

“Ah, yes. I heard.” The swordsman deadpans, “Hand holding. How scandalous.”

“Alright, if you’re not going to be of any help whatsoever, please just go.”

“If you wanted time alone with him, you could have just said so.”

“Goodbye, Mihawk.”

Zoro hears you escort Mihawk out, and he takes the moment alone to open his eyes. He’s in his quarters, which is a few doors down from yours so that he can easily get to you.

Not that he stays here often, Zoro prefers standing guard outside your chambers. It’s strange how he lasted years without seeing you, because now that you’re back in each other’s lives, he becomes restless whenever you’re not around.

Like right now. What’s taking you so long?

The door opens. Zoro perks up, but deflates when he sees that it’s Selma bringing in a pitcher of water.

“You could’ve at least hidden your disappointment better, Sir Zoro.” She huffs at him, taking full offense. “I’ll go get your princess.”

“Oh!” She yelps excitedly, “My bad, it’s queen anointed now, isn’t it?”

Zoro smiles, his voice raspy with sleep, “That has a nice ring to it.”

“Indeed, it does.” Selma nods, bidding him farewell.

He doesn’t have to wait long to hear your rushing footsteps. The door opens again to reveal you, this time. Your eyes shine in that really pretty way they do when you’re happy. He’s glad that’s among the things that didn’t change.

Zoro opens his arms, inviting you, “Come here.”

Not needing to be told twice, you fall into his arms, burying your face in his chest.

“You’re okay.” You murmur.

“I wasn’t about to miss your coronation, Your Majesty.” Zoro pokes your nose. He did that a lot when you were kids, you forgot how much you liked it.

“Thank you for being okay.” Leaning down, you kiss his cheek softly.

Zoro brushes his fingers through your hair. He holds your face in his hands, tracing your features as if that will help him memorize the happiness he feels in his heart. The sort of happiness he thought was lost to him forever.

“Hey,” Zoro speaks your name with care. “I love you a lot, you know.”

He always envisioned confessing to you in some dramatic, elaborate way that you’d deserve. There could have been a beautiful sunset. He would’ve brought flowers.

But he was wrong. All he needs are the words themselves, and you—smiling the way you’re smiling at him now.

You laugh, “I might love you more, I think.”

Zoro shakes his head, sitting up so that he can bring his face to yours properly. “Doubt it.”

The kiss tastes like magic, like you were always meant to find each other's lips. His heart starts doing something funny, and he has to pull you closer—hold you tighter. You respond eagerly, kissing him back so intoxicatingly that he’ll remember the softness of your lips for as long as he lives.

Later that week, your coronation is a grand and extravagant affair.

When Cassiopeia's misdeeds came to light, the people banded together to celebrate her downfall. Those loyal to her either surrendered or tried to escape. Although none of them were able to get away, since Zoro and Mihawk were ruthless towards those involved in the attempted mutiny.

The crown on your head will take some to get used to. It still feels like you're borrowing something of your mother's; but instead of shying away from it like you had before, you step into it openly. You're ready to become a successor worthy to carry on her legacy of kindness and strength.

Uncharted these waters may be, at least you have Zoro now, who would dive into any perilous sea right after you.

Escaping the celebratory banquet and the revelries, you visit Queen Florentia and Kuina's graves with Zoro. It's only right that you pay respects together.

You leave flowers on your mother's headstone, thanking her for everything she did. You're startled when Zoro takes one of his swords, holding it in front of him as he kneels in front of the previous queen.

“Your Majesty, Queen Florentia,” He speaks, his tone steady and sure. “I, Roronoa Zoro, vow to never leave your daughter’s side. I will protect her until I draw my last breath. I swear to cherish her, and to love her even in my next life.”

What is he doing, making you cry like this? It turns out that emotional boy you knew is still somewhere in there. Your heart feels full, knowing your mother would have appreciated the gesture.

As you're about to move on to Kuina's grave, Zoro motions for you to go ahead without him. You look at him strangely, but do as he says to give him some space.

Mihawk emerges from the treeline when you've gone far enough.

“You look like you’re about to leave without saying goodbye.” Zoro remarks.

“Of course you’d know how that works, hm?” Mihawk challenges, raising a sharp brow. “Try even thinking about leaving and I’ll return to make sure it’s your last thought."

“Didn't you just hear the oath I made to the love of your life?” Zoro turns to Florentia's tombstone again. “Your Majesty, back me up here.”

“She would have approved of you.” Mihawk’s frown is unimpressed, but his gaze is unmistakably caring.

“...Take care of her, Zoro.”

“Of course. I promise.”

As Mihawk walks away, Zoro asks him one last question, “How are your regrets now, old man?”

The former commander’s shoulders shake in a mixture of amusement and relief. “I suspect they'll heal, with time.”

When Zoro catches up to you at Kuina's grave, you're grinning at him. He can picture that same grin on Kuina's face if she were here.

“We were just talking about you.” You jest, “All bad things, too.”

“You had nothing to talk about, then.” Zoro sits on the grass beside you. “I’m perfect for you.”

Appalled, you scoff and turn to Kuina's headstone. “Can you believe this guy?”

That day, you talked for hours, even after the sun had set. And on the trek back to the palace, a soft breeze caressed your skin. It felt like Kuina encouraging you, sending you off onto the next chapter of your lives.

Zoro becomes Captain of the Royal Guard once Mihawk leaves. He's teaching you about weapons and self defense when he picks up your dagger to inspect it, turning it this way and that curiously.

“Is there something wrong with it?” You ask, observing it too.

“This pattern and material.” Zoro says, tracing a certain swirl on the weapon. “I feel like I've seen it before.”

“Ah,” He says in realization, tracing a finger down your neck and making you shiver. “It’s the pattern on your necklace.”

“My mother must have had them made together.” You say, unclasping the chain before handing it to him.

There's a gap in the center of the pendant. Thin and barely noticeable, but it looks like it can be opened by something sharp.

“Do you mind if I,” Zoro gestures at the dagger.

“Just don't break it.” You say. “Treat it like my heart.”

Zoro makes a face that pulls a laugh out of you. “I would never do this to your heart.” Aw. You might have melted a little.

The tip of the blade slots perfectly into the pendant. After twisting it slowly like a key, the metal clicks to reveal: a locket.

Handing it over to you carefully, Zoro lets you open it the rest of the way. Inside, there are images drawn on two panels. You, as a child on one side… and Mihawk on the other. Now you understand why your mother treasured this so much. Tearing up, you sigh.

“You’re not surprised.” Zoro notes.

“...I think a part of me always knew.” You respond. “And, I definitely felt something when I held Yoru. No wonder why.”

Treading carefully, Zoro wraps his arms around your waist as he asks, “You’re not upset that he left?”

“But he didn’t. He’ll always be there for me, and so will you.” You smile up at him. “I’m happy I found my family again.”

Many years ago…

The grass on the meadow bristles gently in the wind. Dusk bathes the land in a dreamy, gold and purple hue.

After a day filled with imaginary adventures, two children wave their dearest friend goodbye. The princess smiles at them fondly before returning to the castle.

Kuina grins, face eager as she points her training sword to the sky. “I’ll be her knight someday. I’ll be commander and everything.”

Zoro jolts, immediately expressing in protest, “No, I’ll be the one to protect her! I’ll be commander!”

“Oh yeah?” The girl’s smile turns knowing. She pokes Zoro’s waist with her sword. “How will you do that? Aren’t you going to marry her?”

Stunned, Zoro can only stare at her in response. A blush creeps up his neck, reddening the tips of his ears. Kuina seizes the opportunity to make a run for it.

“Princess, wait up! Zoro wants to tell you something!”

“Kuina! Get back here!”

read the companion piece / my notes / the timeline of this story (in mihawk's perspective) here : "the taste of ale"

tags: @songsofadelaide-archive @ay0nha @amitydoodlez @sweetexistentialism @murnsondock @starszns @msmisasoup @writingmysanity @hotchocolattee @dimplewonie @hearts4zoro @kenkenmaaa @appalost @commanderfreethatdust @onebatch--twobatch @rebeccawinters @gunslxtz @akakaze @lownna

2K notes · View notes

doritochoi · 2 months

Text

Ex-Husband Encounter | C.S

pairing: fem!reader x ex-husband!san

genre: smut

warning: public sex, unprotected sex, sexual tension, blowjob, hard fuck, eating cum? ( kinda idk)

word count: 3,7k

tags: @roguehongsami ( you can message me if you want to me tagged in my post!)

You feel your heart pounding in your chest as you walk into his office and see the shocking scene before you. "S-san?" you manage to stutter, feeling a sharp pain shoot through your chest. Your husband, with whom you dreamed of spending the rest of your life in happiness, is sitting on a chair, and one of his employees is sitting on his lap, kissing him with a passion that takes your breath away. You are destroyed. You just wanted to be a good wife, bring him lunch like every day, and now you feel like everything is falling apart around you. Your lunch tray dropped on the floor, the plates are broken into a thousand pieces, the crumbs are scattered on the floor, but to you it is only a mute decoration in front of your pain. Inside, a storm of feelings floods your mind and soul - sadness, anger, helplessness. You can't take your eyes off them, the image that tears your heart to pieces. You feel betrayed, abandoned, and at the same time you are tormented by questions that hurt more than anything else. Why? How could you not see? You try to keep your composure, not to collapse in front of them, but you feel tears fill your eyes and your voice is choked with pain. You immediately walk out the door, heartbroken, getting into the car not caring if he calls you. You need distance, space, time to collect your thoughts and understand what you are going to do. You're too hurt to go back, too confused to listen to excuses or explanations. All you want now is to run away from the unbearable pain.

You arrived home sad and angry. Even if you didn't want to do that, you couldn't stay with San anymore. You wanted to wait for him to come home, to discuss, to solve what happened, but your mind stopped thinking. So you went to your shared bedroom. When you got there, you sat on the bed and started to cry, not knowing what to do. The tears flowed even more, making your eyes red and swollen. Looking up, you saw on a small table next to the bed a picture of you and San from the wedding. Looking at the photo, you felt memories begin to flood your mind. The moment was captured into your memory, and every detail came alive again in front of your eyes. You saw San's smile again, the tenderness in his gestures, and you went back in time, reliving the moments of happiness you spent together. The picture was one of your favorites, San holding you by your tiny waist, giving you a sweet kiss on the cheek. While you stared at the photo, a surge of rage and betrayal washed over you. In a fit of anger, you grabbed it and threw it to the ground, listening to the sound of it shattering into pieces. You couldn't tear your eyes away from the broken fragments, feeling a bitter satisfaction in the act. It was a release, a way to express the pain and anger consuming you. You packed your bags, not caring whether San would see all your belongings gathered when he came. You blocked him everywhere so he couldn't find you, and you left, tears streaming down your face as you looked back at the house where you two had shared happy moments.

It has been four years since that incident, and you haven't heard from San since. In truth, you hear about him almost every day, as he is now the richest man around with countless business ventures. He's everywhere, but you’ve tried to ignore everything that happened to avoid feeling lonely. Your best friend, Nayeon, has been a rock, helping you get through it all. She has always been by your side, and with her support, you have become a fairly popular model after a long period of healing and rebuilding your life. You’ve graced the covers of several fashion magazines, walked on runways in major fashion capitals like Paris and Milan, and built a strong social media presence. Your style is admired, your confidence radiates through every photoshoot, and your fanbase grows daily. Today was an important day. You were walking the runway in Sardinia, Italy for the Dolce & Gabbana fashion show. It was a beautiful, long-awaited dream come true. Nayeon was there beside you, helping you into your dress. It was a stunning black gown with a daring cutout at the back, accentuating your figure perfectly. The dress was exquisite, made of the finest silk that flowed gracefully with every movement. The cutout at the back revealed just enough skin to be alluring without being too revealing, perfectly balancing between chic and sensual. As Nayeon adjusted the final touches, she smiled at you, her eyes filled with pride and excitement. "You look breathtaking," she said, her voice filled with genuine admiration. You turned to look at her, feeling a wave of gratitude wash over you. "I couldn't have done any of this without you, Nayeon. Thank you for always being there.", she squeezed your hand gently. "That's what best friends are for. Now go out there and show them what you're made of."

As you stepped onto the runway, the lights blazed down, illuminating the room and the captivated audience. The black gown flowed elegantly with every step you took, the back cutout adding a touch of allure that drew gasps of admiration from the crowd. While you walked, a figure in the audience caught your eye. Instantly, the smile on your face vanished as you saw your ex-husband San in the crowd. He wore an exceptional white suit, making him easy to recognize, almost glowing amidst the sea of spectators. His hair was perfectly styled, and his piercing gaze, those fox-like eyes, made you freeze. He looked directly at you, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. You tried to maintain your composure, reminding yourself to focus on the walk. Every step felt heavier, the weight of his presence pressing down on you. "Keep it together," you whispered to yourself. "Just a few more steps." San's gaze never wavered, his expression unreadable, and it took all your strength to pretend you hadn't noticed him. You felt a swirl of emotions—anger, hurt, confusion—threatening to break through your composed exterior. But this was your moment, and you were determined not to let his presence overshadow it.

Finally reaching the end of the runway, you posed, turning with practiced grace, and began your walk back. You kept your chin up, eyes forward, channeling every ounce of professionalism. Nayeon's encouraging smile flashed in your mind, giving you the final push you needed to finish the show with the same elegance and confidence with which you had started. Backstage, as the applause echoed from the runway, you took a deep breath, your heart still racing from the unexpected encounter. Nayeon rushed to your side, sensing something was off. "Are you okay?" she asked, concern etched in her features. "I... I saw San," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes widened in surprise. "What? Where?" "In the audience," you said, glancing back towards the runway. "He was watching me the whole time." You tried to discreetly wipe away your tears, not wanting everyone to see you cry. After a while, when everything had finally wrapped up, you and the team started preparing for the after-party to celebrate the successful show. Your mind wasn't fully present; you were acutely aware that San would be there. You all headed to the most luxurious and opulent restaurant nearby, a sight of pure elegance and sophistication. The exterior was adorned with intricate architecture, lit by soft, ambient lighting that gave it a warm, inviting glow. As you stepped inside, a gracious hostess greeted you, leading your group to a large, round table elegantly set for the occasion. The table was adorned with elegant place settings, sparkling crystal glasses, and a centerpiece of fresh flowers that added a touch of natural beauty to the luxurious setting. Despite the stunning surroundings, your thoughts remained clouded. You tried to engage in the celebration, but the anticipation of seeing San again kept you on edge. The laughter and conversations of your colleagues seemed distant, almost as if they were happening in another world. You noticed that right next to you was the only empty seat at the table, and your eyes were immediately drawn to a prominent name card that read "Choi San". Your heart skipped a beat, realizing the possibility of sitting right next to him. Taking a deep breath, a mix of anticipation washed over you. Was it mere coincidence or a subtle intention from the hosts? As you carefully placed your clutch on the seat, you felt the curious glances from other guests intensify, adding to the pressure of the moment. You took another deep breath, the air thick with anticipation, and when you opened your eyes, there it was—a hand you recognized instantly by its touch, its grip, adorned with rings that spoke of refinement. San had just settled into the seat next to you. He exuded an intoxicating scent, and as he leaned in slightly, you noticed the impeccable tailoring of his suit, revealing a hint of his well-toned chest underneath. "Apologies for being late," he murmured with a respectful nod, his smile bringing back every memory you had of him.

Throughout the dinner, tension built between you and San. You felt his gaze on you constantly, and every accidental touch sent a shiver down your spine. It became overwhelming, and you knew you needed a moment to collect yourself. "Excuse me," you said, standing abruptly. All eyes turned to you as you walked away from the table, your cheeks burning. You hurried to the bathroom, closing the door behind you and taking a deep breath. You splashed water on your face, trying to calm your racing heart. After a few moments, you felt composed enough to return to the table. Just as you opened the door, you walked straight into a solid chest. You looked up, knowing instantly who it was. San. You froze, your eyes meeting his stunning gaze. You wanted to move, to walk away, but his hand caught yours, pulling you back. "San, I need to go," you whispered, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he gently pushed you against the wall, his body close to yours, creating an electrifying closeness. "Not yet," he murmured, his voice low and filled with need. His eyes burned into yours, and you felt the tension between you. Your breath hitched as you felt the warmth of his body against yours. His hand moved to your waist, holding you firmly in place. You could feel the heat radiating from him, making your pulse quicken. Your gaze remains fixed downward, avoiding his mesmerizing eyes, But San cups your chin with his hand, gently lifting your face to meet his intense stare. "What do you want?" you ask, your voice trembling. His eyes burn into yours, filled with a mix of desire and determination. As you try to pull away, his grip tightens, holding you in place. "Stop struggling. I'm not letting you go," he says, his voice low and husky, filled with a dangerous edge that sends a shiver down your spine. "What do you want from me?" you ask, your voice a whisper, laden with both fear and excitement.

Without another word, San pushes you back into the bathroom, the door closing with a decisive click behind you. Your back hits the cool tile wall, the contrast with his heated body making you gasp. His hands are on you again, sliding down your arms, gripping your waist, pressing you firmly against the wall. "I want you," he growls, his voice rough with need. "Every inch of you." San's lips crash against yours with a hunger that takes your breath away. He kisses you fiercely, his tongue exploring your mouth as his hands roam your body. His touch is demanding, possessive, and it ignites a fire inside you that you've tried to suppress for so long. He moves his mouth to your neck, kissing and nipping at the sensitive skin, leaving visible marks. His hands slide up your sides, cupping your breasts through the fabric of your dress. "God, I've missed these," he growls, his voice thick with desire. You can feel his cock pressing against you, hard and insistent. He pulls the dress down, exposing your breasts to his hungry gaze. His mouth descends, sucking on your nipple while his hand kneads the other, making you moan with pleasure. "San," you gasp, your fingers tangling in his hair as he devours you. "Don't stop." He bites down gently on your nipple, making you cry out. "I won't," he promises, his voice a low growl. He switches to the other breast, giving it the same attention, his tongue swirling around the hardened peak before sucking it into his mouth. His free hand moves down, lifting your dress higher until it's bunched around your waist. He slips his fingers under your panties, finding you wet and ready for him. "Fuck, you're so wet for me," he groans, sliding a finger inside you and making you arch against him. "Please," you beg, needing more. San grins against your skin, adding another finger and thrusting them in and out of you. His thumb circles your clit, sending waves of pleasure through your body. "You like that, baby?" he murmurs, his breath hot against your ear. "Yes," you moan, your hips moving against his hand. "More, San, please." He withdraws his fingers, leaving you aching and desperate for him. He grabs your hips, lifting you up and pressing you against the wall. "I need to be inside you," he says, his voice rough with need.

You wrap your legs around his waist, feeling the tip of his cock at your entrance. He pushes inside you in one hard thrust, filling you completely. The sensation is overwhelming, and you cry out, clutching at his shoulders as he begins to move. San fucks you with a desperate intensity, each thrust harder than the last. His hands grip your ass, pulling you closer as he drives into you. "God, you feel so good," he groans, his pace relentless. You can barely breathe, the pleasure building to an almost unbearable level. "San, I'm gonna—" , "Come for me," he demands, his voice harsh and urgent. The words push you over the edge, your orgasm crashing through you with a force that leaves you trembling. San follows moments later, his release spilling inside you as he groans your name.

For a moment, the world stops, the only sound your ragged breaths mingling together. San lowers you back to the ground, his arms still wrapped around you as you both come down from the high. When he finally pulls away, his eyes are filled with a mixture of satisfaction and something deeper. "This isn't over," he says softly, brushing a strand of hair from your face. "I meant what I said. I want you. Every inch of you." You nod, your heart still racing. "We'll see," you whisper, knowing that despite everything, a part of you wants him just as much. San’s eyes darken with a renewed hunger, and he gives you a wicked grin. “On your knees, now,” he commands, his voice low and authoritative. A shiver of anticipation runs down your spine as you drop to your knees in front of him. His erection is right in front of your face, and you can see the desire in his eyes as he looks down at you. You wrap your hand around the base of his shaft, feeling its heat and hardness. You begin by kissing the tip, your tongue darting out to taste him. San inhales sharply, his hands tangling in your hair as you take him into your mouth. “Fuck, that’s it,” he groans, his grip tightening as you start to move. You take him deeper, your lips and tongue working in tandem to pleasure him. You hollow your cheeks, creating a suction that makes him curse under his breath. Your other hand moves to cup his balls, gently massaging them as you bob your head up and down his length. San’s breathing becomes ragged, his hips thrusting slightly as he struggles to control himself. “You’re so good at this,” he growls, his voice strained with pleasure. You look up at him through your lashes, meeting his intense gaze as you take him even deeper, pushing yourself to your limits. The sounds he makes, the way he tenses under your touch, spur you on. You increase your pace, taking him in as far as you can before pulling back and swirling your tongue around the head. “Just like that,” he moans, his eyes closing briefly as he loses himself in the sensation. You can feel him getting closer, his body tensing, his grip on your hair almost painful. With one last, deep thrust, he comes, his release filling your mouth. You swallow it all, not letting a drop escape, your eyes locked on his as he rides out his orgasm. When he finally opens his eyes, there’s a look of deep satisfaction mixed with something more. He pulls you up to your feet, kissing you hard, tasting himself on your lips. “Love, I missed you,” he whispers against your mouth, his hands still holding you close. You can’t deny the electric connection between you, the intense chemistry that still burns so bright. “I missed you too,”.

You both quickly dress, but as you look at your reflection in the mirror, you realize just how disheveled you are. Your hair is a mess, your clothes are wrinkled, and your makeup is smudged. San doesn't look much better; his suit is rumpled, and his hair is tousled in a way that screams what you've just done. As you step out of the bathroom, the hallway feels like it's a mile long. Just as you turn the corner, you run straight into Nayeon. Her eyes widen as she takes in your appearance, then flicks over to San. The realization dawns on her face, and she crosses her arms, looking between the two of you with an incredulous expression. “Really? Here? Now?” Nayeon exclaims, her voice a mix of shock and disbelief. You blush furiously, trying to smooth down your dress. “It just… happened,” you mumble, avoiding her piercing gaze. San, trying to regain his composure, clears his throat. “Nayeon, it’s not what it looks like,” he starts, but Nayeon cuts him off with a sharp look. “Oh, it’s exactly what it looks like,” she snaps, her eyes narrowing at San before turning back to you. “And you? After everything, you just let this happen?” You take a deep breath, feeling the weight of her disappointment. “It’s complicated, Nayeon. We were just talking and then…” Nayeon throws her hands up in the air, clearly frustrated. “Talking? Really? Because it sure doesn’t look like you two were just talking.” San steps forward, his expression earnest. “Look, I know it looks bad, but this is between me and her. We need to figure this out ourselves.” Nayeon’s eyes soften slightly, but she still looks skeptical. “Fine. But you,” she points at you, “better think long and hard about what you’re doing. And you,” she turns to San, “don’t you dare hurt her again.” San nods solemnly. “I won’t,” he promises, his voice firm. Nayeon shakes her head, sighing deeply. “I hope not, for both your sakes.” She turns on her heel and walks away, leaving you standing there with San, the weight of the situation settling heavily on your shoulders. You know Nayeon is right; there are a lot of things to consider, and this isn’t something that can be resolved easily. San looks at you, his eyes filled with a mix of hope and determination. “We’ll figure this out,” he says softly. You nod, but inside, you’re not so sure. There’s a lot to unpack, a lot to discuss, and it’s going to take time. But for now, all you can do is take it one step at a time.

#ateez scenarios #ateez #ateez x reader #ateez imagine #ateez smut #san ateez #san x reader #san ff #san smut #ateez san

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barnacles34 · 17 days

Text

Only You (Ryujin x Male Reader)

Tags: 12k, Obedient Ryujin, Smut, Smut with Plot, Mutual Pining, Reunion, Existential Crisis, Confident Protagonist, Emotional Complexity, Exploration of Idol Work Culture, Mild Alcoholism

This is kind of a prequel to Beautiful Relationship, I even wrote this one before Beautiful Relationship (thus the quality, I believe, is worse), but all my smuts (foreshadowing) are stand-alone. I tried editing this to the best of my ability, hopefully it is as well received as Beautiful Relationship.

---

The labyrinthine corridors of Samsen Company echo with the whispers of a typical blood feud, a battle for majority stock that has raged pointlessly. And yet, I stand atop this corporate Olympus, an adopted child of supposedly 'middling' potential, now orchestrating a behemoth bureaucracy from the confines of a messy, decrepit office room in my sprawling estate. The irony isn't lost on me that only the office room nearest the entrance truly feels like home.

My 26th birthday dawned, a day that should have been a personal milestone, instead became a crucible of insufferable drama. My 'brothers,' those parasitic entities I can barely stomach, the sycophantic beggars I despise, and the so-called friends whose very presence grates on my nerves – all converged like vultures to a carcass. As I extricate myself from my forcibly invaded sanctuary, I allow my gaze to drift over the manicured landscape, pointedly ignoring the fumbling private investigators who've abandoned all pretense of subtlety in their ravenous pursuit of compromising intelligence.

I exist in a state of emotional limbo – neither depressed nor elated. I've reached the zenith of my capabilities, my natural introversion honed into a weapon of corporate warfare. The room I've claimed as my citadel, locked against all intrusion, is the crucible where I forged my majority ownership of Samsen. It's my den, my haven, the only place where the cacophony of the outside world fades to a bearable whisper.

I don't venture out for something as mundane as a cigarette or to ruminate on 'innovative' ideas (a laughable concept – my success stems not from innovation but from an uncanny ability to accumulate and wield power). No, as I step beyond my threshold, my mind is a tabula rasa, momentarily free from the incessant calculations that usually occupy it. Yet, as the cool air hits my face, I find myself inadvertently delving into the labyrinth of my past, present, and the myriad potential futures stretching before me. Some intangible force, a siren call I can neither name nor resist, beckons me towards the unknown, towards a life I've never dared to imagine.

---

The memory of my adoption by Mishima, the venerable chairman of Samsen, surfaces unbidden. I was 14, newly orphaned, my parents having departed this mortal coil in quick succession. Mishima's explanation for taking me in was deceptively simple – right time (he was pushing 70), right place (his hometown), and a third reason uttered so softly it's become a lifelong enigma, a puzzle I still turn over in my mind during sleepless nights.

Our relationship defied easy categorization. He was never a father figure, more a mentor, a guiding star in the treacherous waters of corporate politics. When I aced the aptitude tests and CSAT, I put on a show of wanting to enlist in the military before settling into a cozy Samsen sinecure. But it was all smoke and mirrors, a carefully crafted lie concealing my true ambition – to ascend to the executive echelons of Samsen.

Mishima, ever the puppet master, saw through my machinations instantly. With a smile that seemed to hold the wisdom of ages, he said, "Before you become an executive, you should get better at lying in people's faces." That night, I was christened as an Executive-to-be, my position awaiting me post-military service.

But even my Machiavellian mind couldn't have predicted the earthquake that was Mishima's inheritance letter. To be named heir-apparent alongside my two 'brothers' sent shockwaves through the Eastern hemisphere. An adopted child, thrust into the limelight, my past carefully obfuscated by my new family to mask the true extent of my capabilities.

---

As the memories fade, I find myself pondering the possibility that I'm not just tired of work, but of the very fabric of my existence. I crave a distraction so profound it would eclipse even the most insufferable company. With a decision born of impulse rather than reason, I orchestrate a day of frivolity.

The following morning finds me chauffeured to a waterpark I've rented for my exclusive use. The experience proves disappointingly hollow, each splash and slide a stark reminder of the void within. Undeterred, I embark on a frenetic tour of Seoul, each new locale failing to scratch the existential itch that seems to grow with every passing moment.

---

It's in this state of restless dissatisfaction that a name bubbles up from the recesses of my memory – Ryujin. The mere thought of her sends an unfamiliar tremor through my usually imperturbable demeanor. We were inseparable once, the suburbs of Seoul our playground, our bond seemingly unbreakable. But that was before the adoption, before life carved its divergent paths for us.

Twelve years have passed, each of us climbing our respective mountains of success. Yet, as I stand before the stadium, a maelstrom of emotions I thought long buried threatens to overwhelm me. I'm almost late, almost nervous, almost... happy? The unfamiliarity of the sensation is both thrilling and terrifying.

My arrival causes the expected commotion, ripples of shock spreading through the crowd like wildfire. But for once, I find I don't care about the attention. My focus narrows to a singular purpose – watching ITZY perform. After an eternity of jostling bodies and exclamations of surprise, I'm finally ensconced in my front-row seat, an island of luxury hastily constructed amidst the chaos.

As I settle into the chair, the full weight of my nervousness becomes palpable. Every sensation is heightened – the plush fabric beneath my fingers, the unyielding rigidity of the table before me, the oppressive weight of the air in this crowded arena. My usual mask of indifference slips, revealing a vulnerability I thought I'd long since excised.

---

The performance unfolds like a fever dream, a symphony of movement and sound that both captivates and unsettles me. I watch the ITZY members with a mixture of admiration and envy – their fierce dedication to their craft, the seamless fusion of dance, visuals, and music. It's a spectacle that should fill me with satisfaction, yet I'm left with a lingering sense of disappointment. The void within remains stubbornly unfilled.

As the final notes fade and the crowd's roar subsides, I find myself rooted to my seat, mind whirling. The luxurious leather suddenly feels like a straitjacket, the weight of my position as an executive a millstone around my neck. I'm struck by the absurd thought that this gnawing emptiness might be nothing more than a placebo effect, a phantom pain born from the crucible of my nightmarish birthday and the constant strain of tolerating those I despise.

My reverie is interrupted by the approach of a man who exudes an air of exaggerated politeness. He relays an invitation to the ITZY dressing rooms with such ceremony you'd think he was delivering a royal decree. Something inside me snaps – the carefully constructed facade of the 'genius' executive crumbles, revealing the raw, emotionally stunted individual beneath. I ignore the man, my feet carrying me towards the dressing rooms of their own volition. My mind, usually a finely tuned instrument of analysis, now overclocks, dissecting every possible outcome of this impulsive action.

The journey through the backstage labyrinth is a sensory assault. The suffocating atmosphere of the stadium gives way to a cloying sweetness that grows more potent with each step. I follow this olfactory breadcrumb trail, my heart thundering in my chest with an intensity that would alarm me if I weren't so single-mindedly focused on my goal.

At last, I stand before the door. My knuckles barely graze the surface before it swings open, revealing a stunningly beautiful woman with vibrant orange hair. Her eyes widen in recognition, a mix of excitement and trepidation evident in her voice as she exclaims, "Welcome Koji-nim!"

I mumble pleasantries, feeling suddenly out of my depth as I step into the room. The ITZY members, now dressed in casual attire, bow nervously, their practiced professionalism cracking under the weight of my unexpected presence. But all of this fades to background noise as my eyes lock onto Ryujin.

She bows with a grace that belies her nervousness, her doe-like eyes carefully avoiding my intense gaze. Her black hair, still damp from the performance, frames her face in a way that speaks of careful styling even in its apparent dishevelment. Her skin, a creamy canvas that seems to glow with the lingering energy of her performance, peeks through the airy, wrinkled fabric of her clothes. The subtle interplay of concealment and revelation is mesmerizing.

I'm vaguely aware that I'm staring, my pupils dilated to the point where the other members exchange confused glances, uncertain of the sudden tension in the room. But Ryujin knows. She feels the weight of my gaze, understands the unspoken currents of our shared history.

"Ryujin," I breathe, the name a prayer and a curse on my lips.

She finally meets my eyes, a maelstrom of emotions swirling in their depths. "Koji... it's been a long time."

The air crackles with unspoken words, shared memories, and the weight of twelve years of silence. The other members watch our interaction with a mixture of confusion and fascination, sensing the undercurrents but unable to decipher their meaning.

As the initial shock wears off, we fall into a semblance of normalcy. Pleasantries are exchanged, names are shared, and I find myself being drawn into the warm camaraderie of the group. They reveal their upcoming monthly break, a respite after their grueling world tour. My limited knowledge of the K-pop world extends only to the scandals of overwork, so I find myself oddly relieved at the thought of their well-deserved rest.

The conversation meanders, touching on various topics, until it culminates in an unexpected invitation to join their world tour celebration. I accept without hesitation, surprising even myself with my eagerness.

As we make our way to the celebration venue, carefully avoiding main roads to evade the ever-present threat of paparazzi and private investigators, I find myself ruminating on the absurdity of my situation. I, Koji, possibly the busiest person in the world, yet somehow finding time for everything. The irony isn't lost on me.

The fear of private investigators that once plagued me now seems almost laughable. I've become so entrenched in South Korea's infrastructure that any move against me would be tantamount to domestic terrorism – or so the political board assures me. The thought elicits a sardonic chuckle, the absurdity of my life hitting me anew.

We arrive at our destination, a traditional building that exudes an air of quiet opulence. The owner herself greets us, leading us to a private room that seems worlds away from the bustling city outside. As we enter, the emphasis on traditional aesthetics is immediately apparent, demanding a level of respect and decorum that even I, in my usual state of detached amusement, feel compelled to honor.

We shed our shoes and take our places around the low table, sitting cross-legged on plush cushions. I note with a mixture of irritation and intrigue that while Yeji has positioned herself next to me, Ryujin sits diagonally across. The arrangement irks me more than it should, and I find myself stealing glances at Ryujin when I think she isn't looking.

The arrival of food and drink signals the start of the celebration in earnest. Soju and whiskey flow freely, the ingredients of forgetfulness laid out before us like a tempting feast. The ITZY members' eyes light up at the sight, their excitement palpable.

"Are you usually this excited to drink?" I ask, unable to keep a hint of amusement from my voice.

Yuna, the youngest, pipes up with an enthusiasm that's both endearing and slightly alarming. "Well, nothing helps the soul breathe more after months of being abroad and weeks working more hours than Elon Musk does in the office than a couple of bottles!"

The other members playfully scold her for her candor, but I find myself warming to their dynamic. Despite the obvious nervousness that still lingers beneath the surface, there's a genuineness to their interactions that I find oddly comforting.

As the night progresses and the alcohol flows, the conversation becomes more animated. We discuss our respective careers, our histories, and a myriad of other topics. I notice with a mix of professional admiration and personal concern that the ITZY members seem remarkably resistant to the effects of the alcohol, despite having consumed significantly more than I have.

It's in this atmosphere of lowered inhibitions that Ryujin finally breaks her relative silence. I've been aware of the concerned glances the other members have been throwing her way, as if her quiet demeanor is out of character.

"Did you know Koji Oppa and I were–" she begins, only to be cut off by a whispered warning from Yeji about the use of honorifics. I turn to Yeji, intending to ask for clarification, only to be struck by the intense blush coloring her cheeks. The other members, quick to pick up on the situation, begin teasing Yeji mercilessly.

Ryujin clears her throat and continues, "Did you know Koji-nim and I were childhood best friends?"

The revelation is met with surprise from the others, who look between us with newfound interest. There's a moment of hesitation, the weight of our shared history hanging in the air, before Ryujin and I begin to piece together the story of our upbringing.

As we talk, I feel a subtle shift in the atmosphere. The barrier that had existed between us – built of years of silence and divergent paths – begins to crumble. The others, sensing this change, relax into the conversation, their earlier nervousness giving way to genuine curiosity and warmth.

Yuna, emboldened by alcohol and the more relaxed mood, turns to me with a mischievous glint in her eye. "Hey sunbaenim, why are you so handsome, even though you're a chairman?"

The question catches me off guard, my usual sharp retorts failing me in the face of such unexpected forwardness. I scoff and take another bite of food, buying time as I try to formulate a response.

From the corner of my eye, I notice Ryujin glaring at Yuna, her eyebrows tied with irritation. The younger girl immediately wilts under the look, adopting a sulking posture that speaks volumes about the group's dynamics. It's fascinating to me how a single glance can convey so much between them.

As the night wears on, the effects of the alcohol become more pronounced. Soon, everyone except me is in various states of inebriation, heads lolling and arms thrown around each other as they burst into spontaneous song.

In this haze of alcohol and nostalgia, Ryujin turns to me, all pretense of formality abandoned. "Hey! Why haven't you contacted me? I used to send an endless amount of messages waiting for your response after I was done being a trainee, waiting for your response, and don't say that you changed your phone number because it's clearly the same and it even lights up your phone just now when I texted you!"

Her words, slurred but pointed, catch me off guard. For perhaps the first time in my adult life, I find myself at a loss for words. The carefully constructed walls I've built around myself suddenly feel paper-thin in the face of her raw honesty.

"I... I wanted to reinvent myself," I finally manage, the words feeling hollow even as I speak them. "To bury the past."

The effect of my words is immediate and heartbreaking. Tears well up in Ryujin's eyes, and in that moment, I'm struck by the realization of how much I must have meant to her. The thought that I, in my single-minded pursuit of success, might have caused her pain is unexpectedly distressing.

But the moment passes quickly, swept away by the infectious energy of the group. Soon, they're on their feet, performing elaborate choreographies despite their inebriated state. I watch in amazement, marveling at their skill and dedication even in such a compromised state.

As the night draws to a close, I'm faced with an unexpected dilemma. The ITZY team has departed, leaving the members without a way home. In a moment of uncharacteristic impulsivity, I decide to take them to my alternate penthouse nearby.

The journey is a comedy of errors, with me attempting to wrangle five drunk K-pop stars into my chauffeur-driven car. As we ascend in the elevator, my arms full with the most inebriated members, Yeji and Yuna, a cascade of more sensible plans floods my mind. The irony of my situation isn't lost on me. But it's too late for regrets now.

I manage to navigate each member to a separate bedroom, where they immediately succumb to exhaustion. As I close the last door, I turn to find Ryujin waiting on the couch, her eyes heavy-lidded but alert.

"Why does this home feel like it hasn't had anyone living in it at all?" she asks, her gaze sweeping across the immaculate, impersonal space.

I pause, considering my words carefully. "Because I bought these homes thinking that the bigger size would make me happy, but I just end up staying in one room all day."

Her response is immediate and cutting. "Huh... you really must be out of your mind."

I scoff, both amused and slightly stung by her blunt assessment. As I help her to the master bedroom – a decision I'll later attribute to the alcohol's influence – I'm acutely aware of the warmth of her body against mine, the subtle scent of her perfume mingling with the lingering aroma of soju.

As she settles onto the bed, her voice takes on a softer, almost vulnerable tone. "Please hug me."

The request catches me off guard. "Why?"

"Pay me back for all the years you've neglected me."

Her words hit me like a physical blow. "Didn't you stop texting me?"

"Because you ignored me for two years!" The pain in her voice is palpable. "What was I supposed to do? Text you for two more years? Would that ingrain in you the idea that I valued our friendship!?"

As she weeps silently into the luxury tapestry, her oversized button-up shirt and pantyhose creating a strangely alluring silhouette against the expensive bedcover, I'm struck by the complexity of our shared history. The years of silence, the unspoken longing, the paths that diverged only to converge again in this moment – it all comes crashing down on me.

Despite my usual aversion to physical contact, I find myself drawn to her. I climb onto the bed and wrap my arms around her from behind, inhaling her scent one last time before succumbing to exhaustion.

---

I awake alone, the lingering warmth on the sheets the only evidence of Ryujin's presence. The distant sound of clattering draws me from the room, my feet carrying me to the balcony overlooking the living room. The sight that greets me is unexpected – Ryujin in the kitchen, the air filled with the aroma of a home-cooked breakfast.

As I descend the stairs, the other members quickly apologize for their irresponsibility the night before. Their earnest attempts to make amends – cleaning the rooms, preparing breakfast, even stocking the fridge – are both touching and amusing. I find myself imagining, with a hint of sardonic humor, how these globally successful idols would fare as my personal staff.

After they leave, I savor the breakfast Ryujin prepared, each bite a reminder of a simpler time. As the day progresses, I find myself utilizing more of the penthouse than I have in years. The library, once a showpiece, becomes a sanctuary as I lose myself in classic literature. It's a luxury I'd forgotten I needed, especially after working 365 days last year and nearly every day this year. The irony of my negotiated "optional" work life isn't lost on me – even if I hadn't shown up for a decade, my position as chairman would remain secure due to my overwhelming support in the company.

At 7 PM, the doorbell's chime breaks the peaceful silence. Expecting the cleaning staff, I'm surprised to find Ryujin at the door, a hefty bag in her arms and dressed in what appears to be pajamas.

"What are you doing here, Ryujin?" I ask, unable to keep a note of curiosity from my voice.

Her response is typically direct. "We finally reunited for the first time in 12 years and we're just gonna act like that's a small thing?"

She pushes past me, her determination evident. "Let me in! Let's watch a movie and catch up some more, and don't say we already caught up... despite being drunk, I knew most of what you were saying was corpo-talk, you freaking alien."

"Ah... you crazy lady," I mutter, but there's no real annoyance in my tone.

As she makes herself at home, pulling out an array of fermented vegetables from her bag, I can't help but ask, "First of all, why?"

"Because your fridge looks sadder than a divorced and broke 50-year-old," she retorts. Then, more softly, "And because I can tell that you need a female to care for you."

The statement catches me off guard, and I find myself strangely touched by her concern. To cover my momentary vulnerability, I tease her, "What happened to yesterday's Ryujin, who was as timid as a flower and couldn't even look me in the eyes even when blasted?"

My words seem to have an unexpected effect, causing her to retreat into herself slightly. But she continues her self-appointed task, quietly arranging the vegetables and asking permission to use the fridge. As I watch her, a memory surfaces – her family's vegan kimchi, a specialty due to seafood allergies. The fact that I remember such a detail after all these years is surprising.

"Hey, I got some expensive ass whiskey," I offer, an olive branch of sorts. "Let's eat those fermented vegetables and watch a movie."

She looks at me, a hint of surprise in her eyes. "How did you know I liked whiskey?"

"Observations," I reply, allowing a small smile to play at the corners of my mouth.

Her cheeks color slightly, and she turns away, busying herself with the food. "You know, you act like you've changed and abandoned the past, yet you seem even more strikingly original. You've still got your crazy brain itching to check under every rock, your handsome face, your dark stare..." She trails off, her blush deepening. "I'll cook some side dishes, you pick out the movie."

As she cooks, we fall into a comfortable rhythm of conversation, catching up on the years we've missed. The ease with which we interact is both familiar and new, a testament to the strength of our childhood bond and the people we've become.

Later, as we settle on the couch to watch "Chungking Express," Ryujin begins to lean into me, her body warm against my side. Without thinking, I wrap an arm around her shoulders, and she nestles into the crook of my neck.

The sensation is intoxicating. I find myself more aware of her presence than the movie, the scent of her hair – clean and floral – filling my senses. As the film progresses, I realize that neither of us is paying much attention to the screen.

When the credits roll, Ryujin's cheeks are flushed, and she avoids my gaze. "Why do you always look at people like you're going to kill them?" she blurts out.

"I know you like it," I reply, my voice low and teasing.

Her reaction – a mix of embarrassment and pleasure – is endearing. As she gets up to clear the dishes, I compliment her cooking. Her soft "Thank you" is barely audible, but the pleasure in her voice is unmistakable.

"Well, is there anything else you want to do?" I ask as she returns.

"Can we sleep in your bed for just a bit?" Her request is tentative, almost shy.

"Why?"

"Just a bit tired from the whiskey."

I can tell she's not being entirely truthful, but I find I don't mind. "Sure," I agree, surprising myself with how easily I acquiesce.

As we settle into bed, I hold her close, careful to maintain a respectful distance between our lower bodies. The warmth of her presence, the soft rhythm of her breathing, lulls me into a state of contentment I haven't experienced in years.

"Koji," she murmurs, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah?"

"Have you had girls here on this bed before?"

The question hangs in the air, heavy with implication. I consider deflecting, but something about the moment – the darkness, the intimacy, the years of unspoken feelings between us – compels me towards honesty.

"Yes," I admit, "but not out of my own volition. A bunch of executives wanted better odds of staying with the company by forcing me to lay with their daughters before I was chairman..." I pause, the memories leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. "Those nights were some of the worst."

I feel Ryujin stiffen slightly in my arms, then relax. Her hand finds mine in the darkness, intertwining our fingers. No words are spoken, but in that gesture, I feel a wealth of understanding, forgiveness, and something deeper that neither of us is ready to name.

As we drift off to sleep, I'm struck by the realization that for the first time in years, I feel truly at peace. The void that I've been trying to fill with work, with success, with material possessions – it seems less daunting with Ryujin by my side. And as consciousness fades, I allow myself to hope that maybe, just maybe, this is the start of something new, something real, something that even I, with all my power and influence, couldn't have engineered.

"Whore," she said abruptly, her voice laced with a mixture of hurt and playfulness.

The word hung in the air for a moment, its weight palpable. I felt a surge of conflicting emotions - amusement, indignation, and a strange sense of relief at her ability to joke about such a sensitive topic.

"Huh!? You little brat," I growled, my voice a low rumble. I took advantage of my growing stubble, mercilessly rubbing my chin against the soft skin at the back of her neck. The prickly sensation elicited an immediate response.

"Why does that actually hurt!?" Ryujin squealed, her body squirming as she tried to escape my assault. Her laughter, barely contained, filled the room with a warmth I hadn't realized was missing.

Eventually, our playful struggle subsided, giving way to a companionable silence. We lay there, the quiet punctuated only by our soft breaths, gradually drifting into a deep slumber. It was, I realized as consciousness faded, the second-best sleep I'd ever experienced.

When I next opened my eyes, disorientation set in. The familiar contours of my bedroom slowly came into focus as I processed the situation. Ryujin was still asleep, her arm draped possessively over mine, maintaining our embrace even in sleep. A glance at the clock jolted me fully awake - we had slept for over 19 hours. The realization hit me like a bucket of cold water. Were we hibernating?

My sudden movement disturbed Ryujin, a light sleeper apparently. Her eyes fluttered open, confusion giving way to surprise as she registered my agitated state.

I hastily explained our unexpected time skip, watching as understanding dawned on her face. Without a word, she sprang up and made a beeline for the restroom. Her urgency puzzled me.

"What's up?" I called after her, my voice still rough with sleep.

"I don't know why we slept for so long," she replied, her voice muffled through the bathroom door, "but I wanted today for us to hang out at this chic bar that's also a library."

The concept piqued my interest, but practicality reared its head. "We'll just get swarmed."

"It's only for celebrities, or is only known by celebrities," she countered, emerging from the bathroom looking refreshed.

"Well... very well then," I conceded, unable to resist the allure of a library, even one doubling as a bar.

As we went about our morning routine, standing side by side at the twin sinks, a wave of nostalgia washed over me. The familiarity of the moment, reminiscent of our childhood when we were inseparable, stirred something within me - a mix of comfort and unease.

Seeking to dispel the suddenly overwhelming emotions, I asked, "Do you have any errands today?" The question came out more brusque than I'd intended, a thinly veiled attempt at creating distance.

Ryujin's response was immediate, her face clouding over with a scowl. "Can't we just be together for a bit? It was the hardest thing being away from you for 12 years, the only reason I was able to tolerate it was because of how overworked I was, and after 12 years you want to leave me again?"

Her words, raw with honesty, struck a chord. Before I could formulate a response, she crossed the hallway in quick strides, enveloping me in a tight embrace. The desperation in her grip spoke volumes.

As I stood there, my arms slowly coming up to return her embrace, I realized she was right. Despite my ingrained tendency to maintain emotional distance, I found myself wanting to be with her too. The admission, even if only to myself, was both terrifying and exhilarating.

We arrived at the bar via what Ryujin jokingly referred to as the "celebrity tunnel network," her expertise in navigating this hidden world both impressive and slightly disconcerting. As we entered, I was struck by the bar's understated charm. It was almost run-down, yet appealingly so - homely in a way that spoke of comfort rather than luxury. I could see why it would appeal to celebrities missing their hometowns, a retreat from the glitz and glamour of their public lives.

"Well, how is it?" Ryujin asked, a hint of anxiety in her voice as she awaited my verdict.

"Pretty damn nice," I admitted, allowing a small smile to play at the corners of my mouth.

Her face lit up at my approval. "Let's go and have some fun!" she exclaimed, her enthusiasm infectious.

What followed was almost dreamlike in its intensity. We played games, drank, ate, sulked, and cheered. Through it all, our focus remained solely on each other, the celebrities around us fading into inconsequential background noise.

"Your neurotic brain didn't expect this much fun, did it? It might faint and die!" Ryujin teased, her laughter echoing as she darted between the massive bookshelves.

"Aish, you little brat!" I called after her, giving chase through the labyrinth of literature.

We ended up nestled between the library shelves, surrounded by the comforting smell of old books and polished wood. The atmosphere was thick with silence, broken only by the soft rustle of pages and our quiet breathing. As we searched for classics, Ryujin naturally assumed her position, her head resting in the crook of my neck. The familiarity of the gesture, the warmth of her body against mine, sent a jolt of electricity through me.

Overwhelmed by the sudden rush of emotion, I gently motioned for us to separate slightly. As I created a small distance between us, my eyes were drawn to her, really seeing her perhaps for the first time since our reunion.

Her jet-black hair, styled to perfection, complemented her subtle yet striking makeup. The black silk dress she wore, flowing to the floor, was a stark contrast to her usual casual attire, highlighting the dichotomy of her public and private personas. Her low heels accentuated her pedicured feet, a small detail that spoke volumes about the care she put into her appearance.

As I gazed at her, I was struck by the realization that nobody else would understand the depth of her character - the caring soul hidden beneath the exterior of a femme fatale. This knowledge, this intimate understanding of who she truly was, felt like a precious secret shared between us.

The longer I looked, the more entranced I became, not just by her physical beauty, but by the beauty of her soul that shone through her eyes. Those eyes, now wide with an emotion I couldn't quite name, met mine. In that moment, we needed no words. Our connection, forged in childhood and tempered by years of separation, spoke volumes in the silence.

As we stood there, surrounded by the whispers of countless stories contained in the books around us, I felt a shift in our relationship. The boundaries we had carefully maintained, the walls we had built over years of separation, began to crumble. In their place, something new and fragile was taking root - a connection deeper and more profound than anything I had experienced before.

The realization was both exhilarating and terrifying. For someone who had spent years cultivating an image of cold, calculated success, the depth of emotion I felt for Ryujin was unprecedented. It threatened to upend the carefully constructed world I had built for myself.

Yet, as I stood there, lost in the depths of her gaze, I found I didn't care. For once, the ever-present voice in my head - the one constantly strategizing, analyzing, planning - was silent. In its place was a quiet certainty that this, whatever it was blossoming between us, was worth any risk.

As if reading my thoughts, Ryujin's lips curved into a soft smile. Her hand found mine, our fingers intertwining with a familiarity that belied our years apart. In that moment, surrounded by the accumulated wisdom of generations contained in the books around us, we began to write a new chapter in our own story.

The deafeningly silent row became our tunnel towards each other. And, my lips crashed into hers. I pinned her to the solid shelf, which I made sure to push with increasing strength to test its integrity before, she took everything with gratitude, her lips moved slower, savoring each moment, my lips moved faster, trying to devour her, increasingly pressing into her silky mouth.

My entire body pressed against her, and even her little heels didn’t help much in reaching me, she was standing on her tiptoes. Her body pressed against mine, the silken feeling arousing both of us every second, I grasped for more and more, tightening my grip on her, the softness of her thighs obvious through the silk dress, and even more so when I passed my hands under her dress, desperately clamping on her thighs.

Little breaths of air were the only moments we could stay away from each other at that moment, her meek moans against my mouth were utter bliss, the gentle exhales adding heat betwixt our faces, my hips slowly grinded into her, the heat of my erection pressed against her body, the feeling almost like there wasn’t any cloth between us, leaving her mewling on my lips, each moment of my hips bringing out a deeper moan out of her mouth. We kissed each other with occasional eye contact, the kiss wasn’t enough, I needed to stare into her beautiful eyes, engorging on her, conquering her state of mind.

Our passion grew only larger, I grabbed hold of everything, her exposed milky thighs surrendering to the shape of my grasp. My hands slid on the side of her body, I grasped tightly, akin to a bear hug under her shoulders, yet her body still submitted, syncing the body rolls in pleasure. Grinding deeper into her, letting my tongue trail against her mouth deeper. And, There was a sudden jolt, and a much loader moan left her mouth, her whole body shook and I held her tighter, her lips left mine with trails of saliva to slowly moan into my mouth, she was driving me fucking crazy.

As she caught her breath, our makeout session resumed, this time I held her up as she straddled me, leading to our groins rubbing even more intensively. The only thing separating our genitals were 3 layers of clothing that were already soaked in her essence. The pain of keeping an erection in my pants soon became apparent, yet it was probably the smallest thing in the world compared to kissing Ryujin. The static of the books slightly picked strands of her hair off, the increasing static of our ministrations gathering the attention of even inanimate objects, for our passion was so great. Her neck divulged, surrendered to the cupping of my hands, her head relayed and followed the motions of our cuddling.

The pleasure strained her face so beautifully, the knotting of her eyebrows, the irritated wrinkles of pleasure.

“Oh my go-god…” she exhaled beautifully into my face as she stared intently, “I never expected my first time to be in a public library.”

“This isn’t your first time, this is your introduction, dear, I’ll find a space where I’ll send you to heaven.” I replied.

Her face knotted with a joking disapproval, with a slight hint of anticipation of what could be.

A beautiful cornucopia existed in our ecosystem, a beautiful quietness mixed with the groans of pleasure. The deeper I went, the more she accommodated, and yet I felt a slight hinge, a hint that she was overstimulated.

I paused, quietly prodding at what could the irritation be.

She had nearly lost her voice, raspy and soft, she said,“I’m so sorry, I’m so sensitive that any more action would probably make me pass out”

Such a gentle and kindred soul, you smirked, giving a peck on her lips one last time before you lowered her on her bare feet because the small heels had slipped off as she straddled you. Even without heels, her legs were jelly, and she fell down like a doe.

She glanced back and laughed.

She used her arms to hold on to me as we exited the building and into the car.

She broke the warm but not awkward silence to say, “Koji, could you drop me off at [X]? I promised to do something today and I’m about 3 hours late…”

I looked at her dumbfounded, “what about your bag?”

“Keep it there… You don’t just want to end it off here right?”

There was silent confirmation in both parties.

“Well… what about your dress? It’s soaked”, it was basically her entire lower half part of the dress that was damp.

Her cheeks grew bright red, “pervert… let’s grab some clothes fast at a store.”

The day merrily went by as we both said our heart-felt goodbyes.

—---

A day later, several epiphanies were realized within the octane of haphazard thinking I was ‘famous’ for:

First, that I really didn’t need to work much at the company at all, I had set myself up such that any more action would be diminishing on both the company and me.

Second, I was bored as hell, entering some scholarly professorship under my own authority helped stave it off somewhat.

Third, my loins grew hot whenever I thought of Ryujin.

-----

Ryujin had been busy with friendly and familial commitments that she made prior to going on an escapade with Koji, if she could, she would’ve canceled all of them in a heartbeat. Holidays for Ryujin or any idol is usually heavier than many jobs, like a veteran in Vietnam, beaten up, broken but still itching for a little more. Though Ryujin was doing better than most idols, she was a finalist for the national math olympiad, an accomplished essayist in her school, these other facets of her life threatened the utter subservience many agencies demanded, to be like IBM white shirts whose entire life molded into IBM was the fate of many idols.

After 2 straight days of commitments later, she finally embraced the cold warmth of her bed at midnight. And her entire mind was only of Koji. Her brain was etched with the intense moment they shared in that library, their desires being unleashed on each other in such an unsuitable place, maybe if it was more suitable, perhaps they would’ve gone farther?

This thought shook Ryujin, goosebumps over her body and her loins grew heated. Her moans were soft against the fabric of her pillow, and she quietly whispered his name with eyes closed and euphoria bloomed in her mind. Her face knotted with pleasure, with imagination ablaze in her cranium. Her embarrassed thoughts of being brought to climax within just a minute or two were overridden by her desire for him. A warm wetness grew in her until she stopped breathing, her mouth agape, slowly pouring out a warm moan.

She silently uttered, in a low tenor: “I miss him…” splayed out on the bed, in the afterglow of her orgasm.

She probably cannot go without Koji for another day.

After her climax, she debated on whether to message Koji first, thinking that she could be a burden on the budding multi-billionaire. Well, not really, she didn’t care as long as she got to text Koji. Koji was at home, engaging in his self-study in deep work, yet jumped like a gun when a unique ringtone buzzed, opposed to his corpo chat ring that he could care less about.

She finally finished her arrangements and this time Koji wanted to come over.

Koji texted, “I would’ve come over if not for the fact that you’re surveilled 24/7”

“Haha, come on, our group is 5 years old, I would jumped off the building if I had to share a studio with someone ever again”, she was beaming with sunshine at the phone, kicking her legs in the air as she felt the conversation turned to her favor, being that he would come over.

“Send me your address ASAP”

“Why do you send texts like a corpo robot hahaha”

“You’ll rue this day”

“I’ll be looking forward to it ;)”

They enjoyed each other’s dry humor, one that developed and grew over the years, making their jokes and interactions even more cohesive to one another. Finally after some banter, they both said their good nights, exhaustedly, Ryujin lightly phased into sleep as Koji stared into the ceiling for hours before sleeping.

Ryujin prepared for the noon meeting by cooking a bunch of meals, especially foods that didn’t use much oil to cook, remembering his intolerance of frying oil. Ryujin predicted that Koji would be absurdly early, so her prep began as early as 8 am; picking out the undergarments, faintly blushing at the idea of both of them going past the line; and cleaning the home until it was spotless.

Koji was usually conservative with what type of car he drove in public. Yet, this time he sped across Seoul with the Bugatti to not only come early, but to buy gifts for the first time he’s visiting her home, it’s been only 2 days and he missed her whisker smile. Koji entered a luxury pawn shop that had a collection of random goods. He bought a vinyl player, radiohead vinyl disks, and a golden necklace dating back to the 1500s restored near perfectly. He would’ve bought more if he could, but the sudden decision to bring the bugatti out severely hampered his carrying capacity. And so, he carried the goods through the street, and despite shopping around for about 20 minutes, the street was full of people. He gripped his thigh and sped down the road with the loud revs of a matador, it was bound to be a social media spectacle within the hour, he couldn’t care less.

At 10:45 he arrived at Ryujin’s specified address, and he was quite taken aback by how early he came. Though, now that he arrived, it would be a waste to wait until 12.

So, a knock came on the door. Ryujin was startled, if this was Koji then old habits truly died hard, notoriously giving her family a hard time with how he perceived time. Her flip flops smacked against her heel as she approached the door and slowly opened it, embarrassed about how she was dressed currently.

Koji quickly peered in and took her appearance in, his mouth slowly went agape.

A pink oversized t-shirt, very short shorts, flip flops, and an elegantly promiscuous anklet.

A premature silence arose, she was gorgeous, a close description of her was impossible, a more esoteric description is more suitable: it was as if god molded Ryujin as her passion project, the objective beauty overwhelming, subjective beauty incomprehensible. “Are you gonna keep staring me down and up?”, she giggled with a red tint in her cheeks.

“Oh right, well I brought some gifts since I was visiting your home for the first time”.

“Oh come on! You’re making me look bad, I should’ve brought gifts.”

“To be fair, I am basically the richest man in the world.”

She scowled at him with a slight smile and took a look at the gifts.

She really seemed so happy, fiddling with the items she got, observing them as they sprawled in her thin arms.

“Well, come on in, even though you’re about an hour and 15 minutes EARLY.” She said with a raised eyebrow, as if it was some habit of mine.

“Events lead to another, well come on, introduce me to your home.”

After an introduction and a delicious lunch, “how the hell is this food so good?” her whisker-smile appeared yet again. Koji wasn’t lying, the food was delicious more so than michelin restaurants and their opulent blandness. Perhaps, the taste is enhanced with the warm stare of Ryujin, the bare-faced beauty, in her home-attire, as if this was their ordinary life.

Ryujin asked, “Actually, I never asked you this, but how did you acquire all that wealth?” She was lightly pecking at the food with her metal chopsticks, the slight pinging sounds enthused her question with a more casual tone. It was one of Koji’s favorite questions because it encapsulated the essence of his preparation.

After about 20 minutes of Koji rambling about his strategies and mathematical approach as an executive, Ryujin said, “damn, you’re a geek”, despite listening wide-eyed with utmost attention.

“You were a geek too, if you didn’t dance you would be the geek of the century! You were reading Kafka at the age of 11, come on!” Koji blurted out, with intense resolve, knowing how much of a geek Ryujin was.

“Well I don’t know, I don’t remember anything from that book. Honestly, I might’ve just pretended to read it because you liked those types of books.” She slightly shuffled in her seat, with her head down as if she wanted to hide from embarrassment at her sudden confession.

Koji laughed harder, somehow, Ryujin just eased his burdens, well his incomprehensible burdens that turned him into a corporate robot.

No amount of conversation satiated their fascination for each other, perhaps the many years they spent apart had deepened their resolve to stick together.

Ryujin replied, wanting to switch to a different topic, “It seems like you really love your job huh… I thought being an idol was about dancing and singing, and then I was exposed to all the media training, political affiliations, customs, surveillance, and it’s kind of fizzling out, well, until I met you…” her ramble always amuses Koji to no end.

“Well I would say my job was pretty average, there was never any strong emotions I felt, I felt completely normal leveraging a trade of 50 million dollars that would’ve threatened the entire liquidity of the company, and sometimes I don’t even understand how I became the chairman, it all seems like a coincidence to me.”

Ryujin, amused with his naivety of his success, replied, “Well you know as Seneca said..”

Koji suddenly remembered the quote that Ryujin was about to say, and cut in together, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

Koji interjected again, “I don’t know. Shit. I don’t even know if I was conscious at the age of 14.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit.” Ryujin softly said, almost a slight vibration of her low tone.

They maintained eye contact, it was endlessly romantic, they fit in so well, a two-piece puzzle in which the two pieces endlessly complex fit on every level of complexity.

There was a trickle of silence, not awkward, no no… they shared each other’s melancholy, sauntering on each other’s presence, needing not a single word to continue enjoying each other's presence.

Ryujin interrupted the most beautiful silence with her beautiful voice as Koji’s eyes dug into her, “what are you looking at? Loser…”, it was an automatic response, and he didn’t register it, knowing that his stare softens her up quickly.

“I hope you know that I would conquer the stars for you.”

“What the hell does that even mean?!” A bright flush invaded her bare face, the redness of her embarrassment was adorably apparent when she had no make-up. Still, she tried to maintain the facade of the forcefully-applied girl-boss attitude.

Yet, all those mechanisms built from relentless training and practice wilted under Koji, she was a doe in front of a spotlight, all survival instincts forgotten. Yet, it was addicting for Ryujin, the most unfamiliar territory of her life.

“You know I’m really hard to understand right?” she blurted.

It had been 12 years, after all.

But, Koji replied, “Really?”

And Koji swiftly grabbed the nape of her neck and immediately pulled her in for a kiss. She was shocked, her eyes were wide with shock and yet, her eyes slowly closed, her wispy eyelashes fluttered under the glow of the euphoric makeout and her first breathy moan escaped through her. And suddenly everything felt insignificant, the air heavy and dense with the erotic sounds of kissing.

Koji picked Ryujin up with just one arm and clearing the way with his other arm, she squealed at the surprise, “How can you pick me up so easily?” she said breathlessly after kissing, staring into Koji’s eyes, “Well you’re like 40kg, come on.” As he grasped her ass for the first time earning a squeal from her.

He dropped her onto the large couch, he held the small of her back supporting their makeout session, the peaks of her nipples were teasing him through her t-shirt, her lower body was luridly seeking his stimulation. “It seems both of us read each other exactly”, as he released the kiss to dig into the side of her neck, despite the rapid escalation, they fit so naturally, read each other so naturally and knew that they only lusted for each other. “I’ve wanted this from the second I saw you,” she confessed breathlessly against the onslaught of pleasure, “I’ve wanted to experience this lurid love-making only with you.” She always managed to say the right words, the ruthless perpendicularity of Ryujin compared to the other girls turned Koji on only more.

While Koji was buried into her body, Ryujin naturally broke down, she caressed him, hugged him, and slowly rocked against him, her natural response was his natural stimulant. He rocked against her body with a firm grasp on her creamy white ass only getting more affection from Ryujin. “Ah, you are so good, so good, I’m so turned on” she breathlessly said, trying to catch her breath and mouthing her enjoyment. “Worship me”, Koji blurted out, softly moving the pliant hair out of her face, and without specifying any further, the positions naturally changed.

Ryujin rapidly kneeled on the carpet, and spread her hands around his thighs with unbroken eye contact, she was seduced, she was over the moon, and so was Koji. She kissed and tongued at almost every square inch of his legs, going down to his shins, with her kneeled down, it drove both of them crazy, she truly worshiped Koji. Koji slightly pulled Ryujin off by grasping her hair, and she stared into him intensely with lust and bit her lips with obscene arousal, and then he released her. Ryujin Licked the inside of his thighs, going all the way to his boxers, and slowly grasping the elastic boxers to slowly pull them down.

Ryujin had almost climaxed just like before with only kissing and foreplay. And when she saw his cock, her arousal skyrocketed. It had happened, it was inconceivable for the friendship to go back to what it was, and now it would be truly and utterly impossible. The last layer of our inseparable friendship unveiled a truly new layer, a new layer that could change them forever.

With the uncertain conclusion in her mind, she took him in her mouth. Koji gasped hot air while looking at the ceiling, and went to maintain eye contact while she slowly sucked on his length. She sucked so seductively, her eyes still boring into you with lust. It was her first time doing this yet her learning rate accelerated, getting notions from the slight knotting of Koji’s face.

“Is this right Oppa?” Ryujin said, with a smile on her face, her lips a little swollen from all the pressure and sucking.

“It’s very right, baby, just try to reduce scraping your teeth against my dick.” Koji rubbed Ryujin’s nape softly, massaging the smoothness of her skin.

She took the guide gladly, layering her mouth over her teeth, vacuuming her mouth, maximizing pleasure. She took him out of her mouth whenever she felt like she was breathless and slapped it against her tongue. She stared at his cock, it was glistening with her spit and several strands were still there, and she said slurredly, “I just came from sucking your dick, you know that’s how long I’ve wanted this right?” Koji quickly grabbed hold her hair, tighter this time, slightly pulling, a small squeal at the pull escaped Ryujin, “take off your fucking t-shirt” with the raspiness of arousal, Koji’s grip on Ryujin gave her endless pleasure, and the near-growl of Koji caused a vibration of pleasure within Ryujin. She stared intently at Koji as she pulled off her t-shirt, that still had the sloppiness of her amateur attempt, it didn’t matter, experience didn’t matter in love-making.

The breasts of aphrodite, the pinnacle of beauty, supple white boobs with pink nipples, he was going crazy. She quickly got back to work on his dick, and her pink nipples grazed his shin as she made a mess on his crotch. It was obvious that she was fingering herself throughout this, clearly enjoying this debauchery.

Koji began shoving her on his dick, and she slowly gargled, trying crisis control by dragging out her gargle to make it seem like it was a random noise. Koji chuckled and shoved her even deeper, Ryujin slowly adapted and didn’t need as much time to breathe, the wall of maximality slowly easing deeper and deeper into her mouth, doing it as she upended Koji’s entire life during fellatio.

She loved it, in her cozy but well-off apartment, with the bright sun peeking through the curtains. She held hands with Koji as she sucked him off. There was a beautiful life that they had envisioned, unburdened by any sort of dubious adoption, unburdened by the expectations of the previous generation. Doing what they enjoyed only, which currently was the love they expressed for each other. Slowly, Koji eased Ryujin’s moving head, pulling her off to signal the end of the session, she released his cock with a low pop. Ryujin’s nervous obedience was apparent, she nuzzled into the hand of warmth to distract her of what was bound to happen, nuzzling deeper into the hand of Koji’s that held her jaw.

Koji stared warmly and immediately picked her up, she yelped; he asked, “uhhh…. Which one’s your bedroom?” This ridiculous moment just reminded both of them of how ridiculous this situation was, but they weren’t gonna do anything to stop it. He threw Ryujin on the bed, and she relished the situation. Before he got onto the bed with her though, Ryujin slowly planted one foot on her chest. “Why am I bareback about to be violated on my bed and the culprit is suited up like he’s about to go to work in 10 minutes?” Koji tore his button up in an instant, buttons flew everywhere.

He slithered on to her, pinning her to the bed, each hand trapped under the weight of Koji, missionary style. Now that he was closer, she began her onslaught of affection, despite being literally chained under his striating arms. And there they were, Ryujin, a goddess, slowly being dominated by the love of her life. “I’m so wet, please just fuck me… I don’t have a condom but it’s my safe day (she lied)”, and he knew she lied but he didn’t care, not even Koji could resist the dopaminergic onslaught this situation caused.

The brush of their abdomens raised both their hairs, Koji’s hard abs, Ryujin’s slick abdomen both sculpted to streamlined perfection. Koji pushed off the bed, kneeling and palmed his dick, slowly lining up to her entrance. Her folds were wet to the touch and so tender, a few soft taps ensued on her pussy, each causing Ryujin to spasm in surprise

“Is it going to hurt?” She asked questioningly, with not a single intention to stop the action, just wanting affirmation from Koji.

He cupped her face, and kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her mouth, he avoided the question effectively, granting her the affirmation she needed. They were burning up in arousal.

And he slowly pushed in as Ryujin held onto him to steady him, but really it would do nothing, his athlete frame would overpower anything Ryujin tried to do. And as he slowly pushed in, a hard resistance was met, a loud cry definitely signaled something wrong, ah, he forgot she was a virgin. “Just keep going!” She said as she faced to the side to hide her face and bite into the blanket in case any more pain flustered her.

Koji whispered warm apologies into her ear, massaging a side of her shoulder as he slowly pushed in, even slower, even more sensually.

“It hurts…” Ryujin whined against the blanket.

“Want me to take it out?”

“No… keep going…” she said in an even quieter tone, still managing to be bratty even in her compromised position.

—--

“Holy fucking shit” I blurt as I slowly enter her pussy, a unbelievable softness, a vacuum of pulling, a stone wall of resistance, all contradictions yet the closest description to the glory of her her best kept secret.I use one hand to pull Ryujin’s face to meet mine as I slowly entered and murmured sweet nothings in her face. She was melting, and I could feel it on my crotch. I slowly entered even slower than before and it still almost seemed too much for little Ryujin.

The scrunch of the nose slowly morphed into a deep moan as I finally settled inside her, and then hugged her, letting the bristles of our goosebumps meet. She was kissing the side of my face as I was meticulously boring into her, moving faster this time.

Everything was sticky, misty, uncomfortable, the blanket was a little too hot, a little too invasive, the uneven bedding; none of that mattered when Ryujin was moaning softly right in your ear and trying to kiss you. Fuck the future, fuck the past, fuck anything that isn’t with you and Ryujin right now, what matters right now is that I make sure that she enjoys what she has desired for so long.

I get up from hugging her in missionary to kneeling upright, the heat of her chest missing from my chest slowly disheartening both of us. Yet, I thrust in her harder, my dick in her pussy, slick with her love, her everything, and she was rewarded as such, though she wasn’t the only one enjoying it, this was fucking mutual euphoria.

Her head was cushioned into a comically large pillow and her head was being buried in there from my thrusts, she moaned so happily, so beautifully, she was a walking goddess. The Striations of my muscles bulged in random places, full of oxygenated blood, I was slightly red all over. She seemed truly worried, for all she could muster anyway, getting pounded into the bed and opening her eyes any millisecond she could get from me pounding into her.

I am obsessive in nature, neurotic, and for all the care I tried to muster, I seemed to blow it all away. Seemingly increasing the speed, the knotting of her face clearly showing the orders I forgot to pass in order to get to this speed. Yet she held my forearms, the arms that held her waist down, that made her pussy gum on my cock continuously, getting her essence all over the bed; yet somehow I had been controlled, the softness of her palms slowed my addiction to her pussy, the addiction to her soul, her love, was greater.

The intensity of her pleasure grew further, I loved it. She was speechless, unable to process her pleasure, unable to laugh or scowl, with only moans leaving her mouth. I pressed my 4 fingers just over the pubis bone, and the thumb over her clit, pushing the 4 fingers deep and thumbing at her clit. And the first pump into her showed just how effective this was, she suddenly opened her eyes and immediately came on my dick.

“Oh! Fuck! Oh my gooo….” Her head instinctually pulled upwards, in foreign lands of her orgasm being in utter gridlock under my rule. She could do nothing, yet she could do everything, the slight palming of her hands, the sweet moans, the low tone could get me to do anything, any-fucking-thing.

I kept pumping until she started shaking and I slowly stopped, grinning at her novice submission.

“Holy shit, oh my god, what the hell was that?”, she was panting with love juices all over her body, glistening in the orange sunset. Pressing her forearms over her forehead to ruminate just on what happened.

I replied, “we have been at it till sunset”, I locked eyes with her, “but we’ve got years to catch up on”, and I flipped her over in a sunken doggystyle position, earning a squeal, a mixed reaction, she knew we had years to catch up on, and this was only a day’s worth, what could be next worried her slightly. She resolved her mind on it though.

She grabbed onto my forearm with affection and consent for me to ravage her behind until she couldn’t think anymore, to think this girl acts like a punk on national tv only amuses me more. And then the sight brought me back to the bed, her legs tucked between my legs, my dick hovering over her creamy white ass, it was obvious she was waiting for any kind of friction, she had her head down facing into the cover in some adorable way waiting for me to pummel her.

But this time, I wanted to savor it. I wrapped my hand in one of her elastic asscheeks and squeezed until a handprint formed, then slapped it.

She screamed into the cover, though she may be obedient, she makes it known when she doesn’t like something and this is not one of them.

I slowly descend on her, and she jumps a bit feeling the encroaching presence, too turned on to act nonchalant. I wrap my hands around her waist, and somehow my fingers almost touch each other, I bit my knuckle trying not to devour her right this second, try not to destroy this piece of god’s work. I slowly entered inside her this time, and again, utter bliss, she finally took her face off the cover and moaned seductively at me, I dropped down to kiss her while I fucked her inside out.

“You are god’s work, little princess” I whispered into her ear, with a soft grasp on her goosebump-ridden neck, her eyes looked up in arousal, her mouth opened wider, accommodating the lower moans.

Her ass stuck out accommodating my exchange with our genitals, I held one hand around her clit and g-spot area to try to stimulate both, slight grazes were applied, but not much thinking was going on, as I held Ryujin’s chin and kissed her while witnessing her 3rd orgasm, she moaned with extra saliva in her mouth, I saw her mouth crane open in pleasure, strands of our love spreading over the pillow. She was absolutely feral.

I was even rougher with my treatment the next turn around, I entered harder, held her chin harder, stimulated the clit harder. This made her orgasm a 4th time, this time she really needed a break, breaking the kiss to lay down, then the pinnacle of our sex crazed session was revealed to us, we fell onto the floor, we had been fucking so passionately that our session slowly moved off the bed. I fell first and landed on my back, and she landed on me, again revealing just how frail she was required to be. It felt like a beautiful pillow landing on me. We giggled until she asked to blow me instead, “I might actually die if you make me cum one more time and you haven’t even cum yet” pouting as if she was offended, though I was dangerously close, and she was the only girl that even brought me there, anyway what’s better than a goddess giving you a blowjob?

I climbed on the bed, and she climbed much slower, likely due to the “exhaustion”. She set herself up in the “The Pose” with her feet kicking the air as she took me in her mouth. This time, like a super-charged neural network was already giving a earth shattering blowjob, her beautiful feet dangled in the air while I held on to her hair. Her hair slowly collapsed on her face to reveal bangs, her hair spray degraded from our actions.

She was eye-fucking me with her innocent eyes the entire time as she gave me a blowjob, we both stared into eachother, silent conversations blooming in a ridiculous position. And I finally reached the peak, I grasped her head and I held her down until I unloaded all of it, globs of semen flowed down her mouth. The gaps of her mouth needed for breathing flowed out with thick baby batter, she vacuumed her mouth too late. She stared at me in amazement, I raised my brow, an empty response, one that could be interpreted any way. She took the response and understood it her own way. Her mouth slowly left my cock, clean with spit. She swallowed with a grin, rubbing my thighs, then dived down. She kneeled and swallowed it all, then went back down to clean the rest of the semen on my crotch, she licked and mewled until she sat up again softly patting me on the thigh.

“Goddess”, was all I could muster.

She smiled brightly and we showered each other in silent praise. She eventually moved down the bed, but kissed her down, my thigh, my shin, and got up to only collapse as she walked off.

“Oh shit, my legs are literally jelly”, but she adjusted herself, and asked, “Well… well. Do you wanna take a shower together?”, naked, glistening and slightly avoiding my gaze in her embarrassment.

“Do you even have to ask?” I jumped up and took her in a bridal carry. She again kept kissing whatever part she was closest to, my chest, my shoulders, “definitely a gentleman” and rested her head against me.

The shower was warm and it was a tight fit for other people, not for us though, we grazed skin-to-skin assisting each other to clean one another. It was exceptionally hard but it was the hardness that could be ignored, because this moment was almost undeniably better, she rubbed me with her hands and smiled with such affection, not even the graze of my dick fazed her in cleaning up together.

I would’ve brought down the world for her. We exited the shower and toweled ourselves, she said, “can we never be apart again for more than 12 hours?”, then she hugged me from behind, “can we always eat together?”, kissing my back, “can we sleep together every night?”, I replied, “I don’t know if I can fulfill all of those everyday, but I know this, you are mine,” pulling her into a gentle kiss that was the seal of our confessions. We got dressed, “You look great with the button-up that you ruined” she laughed, “I might leave this here as a memorial for our first time and leave shirtless”, I replied jokingly.

We both entered the living room and she immediately went to the kitchen to cook something up, “What about the leftovers, can’t we just eat that?”. She replied warmly with, “I want you to taste everything I planned over the 2 days, leftovers can be thought of later, my king”. Obviously teasing me but that definitely brought the rush out of me, the brief intermission of a wonderful quietness, one that was so cozy went on. I fulfilled my duties as chairman in the amount of time she spent cooking, in the beautiful silence.

She sat next to me, as close as possible, fabrics rubbing against each other. And we ate while watching Twin Peaks, until she was too scared to do so, then watched High and Low by Akira Kurosawa. After the meal, I went to the restroom, and I came out the room to see Ryujin sleeping the deepest I’ve seen yet.

I picked her up to the bedroom and let her lay there, her soft breathing was adorable. I was tired too, I took the cover that was almost entirely wet and found another blanket, and I slept next to her, not bothering to take off my clothes

I woke up with the familiar discomfort of sleeping with clothes on, imprinted lines and heat. The morning haze pierced through the flying dust, with eyes still accustomed to shuteye. I didn’t move, despite the discomfort, it was unbelievably comfortable paradoxically. It was because she was next to me, she was perfect for a sleeping ad, perfectly on her back, with a slight grip on the cover and mouth agape with slow and steady breaths. I moved slightly to get a better look at her.

Her eyes fluttered open. There was a pause and she scanned the room; moved her hand to feel my arm, and we locked eyes affectionately. “I can’t believe this is real”, then she jumped to hug me. She was so warm, we stayed like that for a few minutes until I felt a dampness on my chest. Was she really crying? Why? I looked down and she buried her face into my chest, I was too busy enjoying the scent of her and I wanted to investigate what happened. I pulled her off of me, and her eyes were indeed wet, “I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m so happy and I don’t know what to say, I’m not sad, it just feels like I’m getting divine intervention or something,” she laughed as she wiped her wet eyes.

I palmed the nape of her neck, and kissed her forehead then her lips. “You have to be so foul as to think I might leave again, you have utterly seduced me, my little doe,” I planted kisses on her and it was almost about to transition into a very welcome round of sex on her bed. Until a sudden bell rang on her door, she jumped trying to process what to do. “I’ll just stay on the bed”, she affirmed, and hastily went to the door, conveniently with her clothes on.

I heard the click of the door and a familiar voice ask, “Ryujin, what happened? I kept calling you and messaging you and you didn’t reply!”, “I was worried sick!” It was definitely Yeji. “But you literally live next to me!” Ryujin replied, irritated.

“I know it’s our break and all, but I was kind of bored and I wanted to hang out. I kept calling you and I heard some weird noises next door but I ignored it, and then today you still didn’t pick up your phone…”

“Alright, calm down Yeji unnie, come on in.” Her voice is strangely calm and resolute.

I heard the door click and Yeji sitting down, they chatted about the group and other things. Yeji laughed and was definitely babying Ryujin. Their bond was great, their conversation was very smooth (whatever the hell that means). I don’t even know why I’m at the edge of the bed chiming in on what exactly they were saying.

“Why have you been so absent though?” Yeji may have been a little foolish, but even she knows Ryujin was acting strange.

“Uhhh.. I don’t know, maybe I just changed all of a sudden”

“Is it about the Samsen Chairman Koji?”

Ryujin was resolute throughout the entire conversation but she stuttered all of a sudden…

Then she stuttered some more, and gave up on replying.

“Wow… I thought you were “immune to love” as you said before… cringy girl, and you even smell weird. Like the smell is some kind of masculine smell, I know you use unisex perfume and sometimes that can approach a masculine aspect but I don't think so..” She definitely knew something was up.

“Have you met up with him after that crazy hangover?” Yeji added on.

“Maybe”

“What!?” Yeji gasped.

“So what!?”

“You know JYP is not gonna like that.”

“Who cares… who cares… I’ll do what I want to do…”

“Is he here right now!?” Shit, she should be a private investigator…

“Mind your own business!” She yelped with excruciating embarrassment…

“Wow, you are really head over heels for him, Ms. Immune to Love, Ms. Resolute Girl Boss!!” She laughed hysterically, hearing what she said about love and how she interacts with people is definitely amusing.

“Well I should really mind my words if he really is here,” Yeji said as Ryujin probably planted her head in embarrassment.

It’s probably my time to head out and greet her, I grasped the door handle and appeared. It was ridiculous, I had a completely destroyed white button-up that I held the “integrity” of with a pinch of my fingers.

Yeji gasped, “Oh my GOD!!! I’m so sorry sunbaenim… if you heard all of that I was just trying to tease her… I didn’t mean anything” she really seemed to be sincere about it, her mouth was agape with a slight happiness that she guessed something right for once, guess she really was teasing her about it.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say, what does a man who comes out of the bedroom with fucked up clothes, does he pose like batman with his fasts balled against his waist or something… fuck, should’ve thought about it a little more.

Ryujin looked back at me smiling with defeat in her eyes, begging with her eyes to resolve this crazy situation.

“Hello Yeji of ITZ…” I paused, Yeji looked disturbed, Ryujin giggled into her arms, Fuck Fuck Fuck already fucked it up.

“Hello Yeji, I am Ryujin’s boyfriend.” --------------

End Note: Hello, hopefully you enjoyed the fanfiction. I'm mainly gonna be doing Ryujin over and over again, she is just genuinely a goddess. For people who have ever even thought of writing fanfiction, do it immediately, it's a journal that you feel inclined to write because it's actually something of interest, as I rarely find myself interesting, not trying to be self-deprecating but writing in a journal is just impossible lol.

#ryujin smut #smut #itzy #male oc #male reader #hot #pining #emotions

194 notes · View notes

classypauli · 5 months

Note

Hiii! So... I would like to request a :

Jenna Ortega x Female Reader, story.

R is a talented musician whose world shatters when her partner Jenna Ortega abruptly leaves without explanation, just as R was on the brink of stardom. R's heartache fuels her music, but the pain of abandonment consumes her. Years later, they cross paths by chance, reopening old wounds. R must confront her unresolved feelings and decide whether to forgive or seek closure, knowing that the melody of their love may never be whole again.

It's totally okay if you don't want to write about this!💙

-🐻

𝑷𝑨𝑰𝑵𝑭𝑼𝑳 𝑴𝑬𝑳𝑶𝑫𝒀

Pairing: Jenna Ortega x Fem! Reader

Tags: little angst, italic are flashbacks, death, Reader is popular singer

Word count: 4k

A/N: Thanks 🐻 for request! Sorry if you didn´t imagine it like this but really hope you will enjoy :) Happy reading <3 sorry for mistakes

Glory, money, success. Being on top of the world at such a young age. What else could you dream of? Doing whatever you want, having possibilities that are almost endless. Endless.

What is endless? Something that never end. So forever? Why would someone want to live for so long if they have nobody to share it with.

Flashing lights from cameras and lound screams of people pushing themselves closer trying to get best look. White perfect smiles of celebrities that already accepter their fate. Things like this brought Y/N flashbacks, begining of endless life.

Christmas was Y/N´s favourite holiday. Since she was a child she loved doing snowmans and building igloos, hot chocolate that warmed her small hands. She loved making Christmas tree and putting colorful decorations around house.

„Oh look! Who´s this big present may be?“ Her mom pointed out at the big gift lying under the Christmas tree. Y/N stood up and ran with big expectation on her face. Small hands were trying to make their way to the thing that was hiding under the paper. The small girl gasped.

On that Christmas her mom got her first guitar. Y/N smiled a little at that memory. She used to annoy everyone about it. Singing loudest on a car rides and karaokes with her family and friends. She grabbed her neckle softly that was hanging around her neck as she looked up at the dark sky.

Growing up Y/N used to put videos on YouTube of her playing some instrument, most of the time guitar or piano. When she was comfortable enough she sang a little but not much. She was doing this for couple of years, once in a while post some video. Y/N wasn´t really popular, she had small fanbase of her family and friends, some people that found her work and supported her. Nothing big.

„Y/N?!“ Her mom could be heard from downstairs. „You got something in box!“

The girl´s face turned confused and she slowly stood up from the bed. She made her way down the stairs and saw white envelope with her name on it.

„That´s for me?“ She was much confused right now. The only post she has got by far was from school and even that was sometimes on her mother´s name. And this definitely didn´t look like from school. „Strange...“

Her fingers slowly cut the envelope open and unfold the paper that was there.

„Oh my God...“

Her life took radical change after that. Y/N always says that small things could change your life big. It was all about small details that made your life.

It turned out that someone from a big music company found her and was interested in her talent. She couldn´t believe it, it was like a dream. The imagine of her doing something she loved for the rest of the life sounded perfect in her mind.

She was cut off by opening the car doors and her body moved to autopilot. Her steps brought her to the edge of red carpet and that moment everything got louder.

„Y/N!“

„Y/N look here!“

She was looking around her, posing for the cameras as the people around her were yelling for her attention. She started walking to the front of the big entarance to the building.

Y/N as a musician with big influence was invited to the award show. It was such a shock to all the people that the singer showed up here. She wasn’t much of a person to go to the public shows like this. To her it wasn´t needed. It was rare to see her somewhere in public besides on her concerts. Y/N liked to put everything together in her private life. She liked to keep herself low, reminding that being a known person is a double-edged sword. Just like was her love for the girl.

Y/N remember how she met her for the first time. They were still teens and saw each other on some premiere of a movie which they were invited on. Even blind person could feel the instant spark between them. After that there wasn´t day they wouldn´t contact each other.

They grew closer and closer as the days went by, after texting couple of weeks non-stop they agreed to go out to grab some food. They slowly became best friends that soon turned into more.

She used to support you in every way, always saying how talented you are, how she´s proud of you. You were supporting her too, being her biggest fan behind closer doors. Your relationship wasn´t known to public. People saw you a couple of times out together but nobody had proves that you were actually together.

It was sunday evening, Y/N´s fingers played soft melody as they brushed through the strings of her guitar. She were sitting on a couch in a living room. The burning fireplace was adding to the cozy mood. Her girlfriend was laying beside her, watching her carefully with her big brown eyes, enjoying the beautuful melody.

When the song ended Y/N looked up at her, as if she was waiting for her approval. „What do you think?“

Jenna smiled at her, pushing herself a little closer. „It was beautiful.“

„You wanna try?“

The girl wanted to refuse but the singer´s big eyes stared right at her, as if they were praying for the word yes. She sighed with a small smile and agreed. The rest of the night was filled with laughter from both of them as she was trying to teach Jenna that song.

Jenna was her person. Even since they met each other they were always together. They knew everything about themselves and always had each other's back. Jenna´s family loved Y/N and Y/N´s family loved Jenna. Y/N´s mom would always say that they were made for each other and that Y/N needed to keep her.

Y/N was sitting by the big table in the dining room in her family house. Her mom invited her and Jenna to a sunday lunch with her whole family. It was good to see her family together like that. The girl loved spending time with her close ones.

Laughing was heard around the room as Y/N´s face was turning red from embarrassment. „Mom!“

„What?“ she laughed warmly at her child. „It was funny.“

„Well, not to me!“. She told some embarrassing story of Y/N when she was a small kid. The singer has a lots of them and she hates every single one.

„I can´t believe!“ Jenna laughed. „Do you have a photo?“ She asked as she was still trying to hold her laugh inside.

„Of course I do! I´ll show it to you right after!“

„Absolutely not!“

Despite their busy life, they were able to make it work. Jenna traveled and filmed a lot and Y/N was most of the time making new music for her or was helping someone else. But even like that, they could still make it work.

It was a couple of weeks since she started to film Wednesday. Jenna was away from country, big amount of her time filming and if she had some free time it was used for her recover. The girl was tired and Y/N knew it, she was worried about her well-being, if she got enough sleep, if she eats everyday and drinks a lot of water.

At first everything was fine, Jenna didn´t have much time because of filming but Y/N was understanding. She knew how busy the girl must be, remembering how it was while her girlfriend was filming Scream or X so right now her being main character, the actress was very much needed everywhere.

But as weeks went by it looked like the girl´s free time was much shorter. They no longer face-timed each other, from texting every morning and every night become sometimes. Y/N was still messaging Jenna, sending her texts, voice messages, photos and videos of her or things she saw, her new music or funny memes.

But she got nothing in exchange.

Was she being that much delusional that she still thought that the young actress just didn´t have much time? Yes, Y/N kept always protecting her girlfriend, saying that she was busy, tired and had more important things to do. But after not geting any text from Jenna she become a little worried, so she texted her sister.

Aliyah told her that everything was fine, she was surprised by the news Y/N told her. Jenna was texting her almost every day and sometimes even send her a photo from behind the scenes or her with her co-stars. To not no worry her sister´s girlfriend more, she didn´t tell her about that.

„Y/N you look amazing tonight! How are you?“ The interviewed asked the singer as she was approaching the main room of the building.

„Hi! Thank you so much!“ She smiled at the woman with mic in her hand. „I´m good, how about you?“

„Amazing! So Y/N, I wanted so ask if you got something prepared for tonight show!“ she smiled at the woman, laughing gently at her words.

„Well, that´s a secret! Maybe I do, maybe I don´t.“ she continued laughing. „We will see.“ Y/N was actually one of the performers tonight but she wanted to keep it to herself and people who knew already about it.

They continued to chat a little before the girl said her goodbye and continued her walk. There were a lot of celebrities which was expecting. Actors, singers, directors, DJs, Y/N thought she even saw some TikTok influencers.

As she was passing by to the table she was seated, the girl could feel the starings of others. Sure she knew she was quite known among a lot of people, the singer has a pretty big fan base. But what more shocked them was that she even show up, at least that´s what Y/N thought. Finally she found her seat and and sat there waiting for the start.

Y/N knew from a young age that not everything can be bought with. She was rised humble, to always appreciate everything. She thanked God everyday for being healthy and having everything her family needed. She had nothing more to ask for. She already had everything she wanted in life.

That morning Y/N woke up, she and Jenna agreed to have a chill day and just spend some time together. The singer was in a kitchen cooking something for a lunch while her girlfriend was taking a shower. She was drinking a water when suddnely her phone rang, thinking it was one of her sibling she didn´t even look at the contact.

„Miss Y/L/N?“

The girl frowned, confused at who it was. „Uhm... Yes?“

„I´m really sorry but we found your mom today morning. We couldn´t help her anymore.“

Y/N´s vision narrowed, her heart fell to her stomach. Those were words she didn´t want to hear, never. The loud sound of break glass was heard around the kitchen as she dropped the cup of water she was holding.

Declining the call she sobbed softly into her hands. Her back slowly leaned against the kitchen cabinet as she was now sitting by the broken glass.

„Y/N? You okay?“ Jenna was asking from the bathroom after she heard the noise. The actress became worried because she didn´t hear her girlfriend’s answer. Quickly leaving the bathroom running to the kitchen.

„Baby watch out for the glass- Y/N!“ She hurried towards her carefully as she saw the girl in a ball, holding her knees, hiding head between them as sobs were leaving her mouth, tightly holding the neckle around the neck. That neckle was given to Y/N by her mom on the girl’s birthday. „Did you hurt yourself?“.

By now she was even more concerned. Jenna leaned into her, trying to find some cut or blood but nothing.

„She´s gone Jenna.“ More sobs were coming from Y/N as she wad trying to say it to her. „My mom is gone.“

Jenna´s eyes watered. She took the girl’s head into own hands as she brought her face into her chest. Both of them were sitting there around broken glass, just like their hearts.

Y/N´s mom was everything to her, she made her daughter beautiful childhood, made her who she is today. She appreciate her not only as a mother but also as a person. The girl would do anything for her mom. The day they told Y/N´s family about her bad health condition was the worst day of her life. She tried everything, going to different hospitals, doctors, giving all her money to her mom´s treatment, despite her always saying she didn´t want to take her kid´s money, she would always pay for it. But you can´t buy everything with money.

After that day Y/N��s look on the world changed. She lost someone from her closest people, someone who was with her whole life, someone who teached her everything she knows. Someone she wouldn´t be here without.

Jenna was with Y/N everyday, always saying to her that she is now better and she won´t suffer anymore. That she is happy up there looking after her now. The girl wouldn´t know what to do if the actress wasn´t with her. She kept Y/N´s company, making sure that she won´t ever leave. That was before she went to Romania.

„Please welcome Y/N Y/L/N.“ The voice could be heard around the big theatre as everyone was greeting the singer with applause. On the screen was written her name and in the middle of the stage was a mic waiting for her. Y/N slowly approaches the mic with the guitar hanging loosely around her body. Tonight she´s going to perform with things that were most dear to her but lost them both. The guitar was the one her mom got her on Christmas, her first ever guitar. Everything got quiet and just like that Y/N started.

Soft sound of closing door was heard around your apartment. Y/N was sitting on a couch in a living room watching some show. She thought that her mind was playing tricks on her because of how much she didn´t sleep these past weeks.

But when she heard she sound of keys she knew that must be her girlfriend. Y/N jumped up from the couch and ran to the hallway. There stood Jenna with her bags around her. The singer was so happy that finally she was home. She missed her so much. At that time it was much more.

They greeted each other and hugged tightly, Y/N thought that everything will be like it used to but their life had different plans.

Jenna said that she came for a week, that they gave them free time to get some new energy. Y/N could feel that something was different about her girlfriend. She wasn´t as she was before she left. She acted more distant, more cold, she was trying to make excuse for everything like kiss or cuddles. When they talked she refused to look into her eyes.

Y/N knew they need to discuss this before she leave because then they won´t ever talk about it.

Jenna one time left her phone on the couch when she went to bathroom, Y/N wasn´t kind of person to go into her girlfriend´s phone, she trusted her with her life. But as her phone kept ringing every second with new notification she looked. It was one of her co-stars, saying how he miss her and can´t wait to hang with her again. The singer´s heart dropped to her stomach once again.

,,And the winner is… Y/N Y/L/N” the moment of silence was followed by the loud sound of yelling and clapping hands after they announced the singer’s name.

Her eyes widen at that new information, everyone was now standing smiling at her as she was now filmed on camera that was showed on big screen. Everyone laughed at her confused face as she couldn’t believe she won.

People gratulate her as she went to the stage to grab an award. The girl’s hands were shaking a little as she now stood infront of big audience of celebrities and cameras.

,,Woah uhm… it didn’t even cross my mind that I could win something like this.” She brough up the award a little holding it with both hands. ,,This means a lot to me. I’ll use it as a reminder that I’ve came this far in my life, as a reminder that I wouldn’t be here without my family, my friends and fans, you. I wanna thank my family and everyone that stayed with me and supported me.” The girl leaned a little more into the mic as her voice started shaking a little.

,,Espessally someone dear to me that I’ve lost.” She took a big breath. ,,Mom, there’s not a day that I don’t miss you. You gave me everything you had and I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I will love you forever mom.”

Even after so long she still craved for her mom. She will always be her child even when she´s no longer with her.

„Thank you.“ Y/N bowed a little and walked away accomopanied by applause.

„Jenna, please.“ Y/N was coming after her girlfriend.

„Jenna I don´t understand.“ The singer was looking at her girlfriend as she was quickly packing her clothes into the bags.

„Y/N I don´t want to talk about it.“ She said. Her body was moving fast as if she was trying to get away from you as quicky as possible. Jenna was going to Romania again, for God knows how long now. She didn´t tell you.

The taller girl breathed out as she was trying to understand her girlfriend actions. „B-But why? I thought we tell each other everything!“

Y/N confronted Jenna about her worries and how she felt like she was pushing her away. The actress of course refused to accept that, saying that everything was normal. It wasn´t, even she knew it. As the singer was trying to talk things out, Jenna went to pack her things saying she´s going to leave soon, avoiding the talk.

Jenna was now in a hallway, putting there her bags and shoes on. Y/N´s heart beat faster and faster by her actions.

„I saw your texts.“

The short girl stopped and looked up to Y/N. This felt like the first time she was looking at her since she came home. Her big brown eyes were wide and her face changed, as if she realized something.

The hurt look the singer was giving her. She can’t blame her. The way she acted this week was awful. It was her fault.

„Y/N-“ she was trying to get closer to her but the girl took a step back. „I-I promise you that doesn´t mean anything.“ Jenna´s voice was now soft, still looking at her girlfriend as she was only looking down.

„We will talk about it when I get back. I swear.“ Jenna took her bags as she was now unlocking the apartment door.

„I love you Jenna.“ Y/N said to her with broken voice „But I don´t think I can take it anymore.“.

Y/N was leaning against the balcony in the big building. After the awards show everyone were invited to the after party that was in some club. The singer didn´t feel like going to party, she just wanted to lay in her bed and watch some show but it would be rude it she just left right after.

„Hi.“

That was the voice she could hardly forget. Y/N didn´t even have to turn around to know who it was.

„Congratulation. It was clear that you would win.“. She leaned a little by her ex-girlfriend´s side, carefully not too close.

Ex-girlfriend. Jenna hated that. She hated how open she left their relationship despite Y/N´s desperate callings. She knew how Y/N miss her. Even much more after her mom passed away. The singer told her lots of times how she felt like she didn´t have anyone besides Jenna.

„I want to say I´m sorry-“

„There´s no need.“ The taller girl cut her off, she still didn´t look at her way. Jenna missed Y/N´s eyes at her.

„No! I was stupid! I left you when you were just perfect to me!“

The first month of filming in Romania was the worst. Being that far away from home and all the people she loved the most. Jenna felt alone. She knew she needed to adjust as soon as possible and it wasn´t supposed to be a problem for her, she had done this a lot of times, but now it was for such a long time and there wasn´t a way to go back from it. She kept texting Y/N everytime she had some time for herself or if she didn´t have much work at that moment.

As time went by, the months started to go by without her noticing, she enjoyed it so much more and it started to be not just about her job anymore. The girl started to go out with her now new friends and slowly started to forget about what she left behind.

She felt a little guilty everytime she saw a new message from Y/N. Jenna didn´t even know why she was doing that, the whole ignoring thing. She just knew she felt less attached because of that but her excuse was that she wanted to focus only on the job. When she finally texted her, she made sure not to read what Y/N had to say. For her own selfishness.

When she came for a week she didn´t know how to act, feeling embarrassed for her actions but instead of explaining herself and apologizing to her girlfriend, she kept going. Jenna knew she was wrong, she felt it but being already so deep in the problem she didn´t want to make it worse or better, it would take her a lot of energy.

It was eating her up for the whole week, the look Y/N was giving her, it was visible she missed her, her body showed it pretty clearly. Jenna´s heart was crawling for her but her mind told her not to, that it´s better that way, not being attached.

Finally, when she was going to film again, expecting to just leave and run again, leaving the problems behind, Y/N said those words. Just then she understood that it was hurting her much more than she thought. Y/N didn´t have anyone besides her.

At that moment Jenna just wanted to throw herself at her and never let her go. But then it would be so much harder to leave. When she came to Romania she missed her again and the words haunted her mind.

That night Jenna was just lying in her bed, reading Y/N´s messages. Every greeting, every photo, text, voice message, every I love you. The more she was scrolling the more her heart broke.

Jenna was lying in her bed every night asking for forgiveness with wet cheeks and hope in her heart that Y/N would still be there.

Finally when Jenna was coming home, her whole ride she was praying for things to work out between them. Thinking about what to tell her to make it right.

But after her hands were trying to unlock the door as quicky as possible her ears were met with silence of apartment. Jenna´s stomach dropped a little when she realized her girlfriend isn´t home. Her legs took her to their bed room and was only met with her empty closet.

She left.

Jenna remembered Y/N´s last words, how the girl cried and how she was desperate for her touch all week. Now the tables turned. There wasn´t day the actress wouldn´t regret what she did, she wanted to make it right again. But she couldn´t find her anymore.

„Y/N I regret it so much. If I could I would take it back-“

„But you can´t.“ Y/N turned finally to her. Jenna´s eyes was on her, she missed her. After all this time she still feels the same. „I was depressed and didn´t understand why you acted that way. I thought I did something wrong, that maybe that was the reason.“

Jenna shook her head at your words. Her heart aching at that imagination. „After you left I had no one. You were the only one I got and you knew that and... And you still left me.“

„Y/N please.“ Jenna said with shaking voice, her eyes glossy from tears that refused to fall. She wanted to come a little closer but she was sure the singer would take a step back. She felt just like Y/N was feeling on that day.

„And after so long? You just want to apologize? You think that it would be so easy?“ Her voice got a little higher as she was staring at Jenna with anger and betrayal in her eyes. She breathed out, closing slowly her eyes trying to calm herself down.

„You knew how hard it was for me. You knew what state I was in! And you still choose to make me feel so alone without any explanation.“

Y/N was looking at her like she was memorizing her face. „I don´t want your explaination. Not anymore.“ She took a deep breath and with a heavy heart said her last words.

„I´m sorry Jenna but... I don´t think I can.“

And like that Y/N turned around to walk from her. Jenna was big part in her life. She still appreciate her but after how things between them ended she wasn´t sure if she could forgive her that easely. Even though she still loves her.

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eddiegettingshot · 6 months

Text

“I—I think I was jealous,” Buck says, a little breathless. The confession is at once pathetic and the most liberating thing that’s ever come out of his mouth. He was jealous. He was so fucking jealous. If he’s being totally honest with himself, he still is jealous. Just thinking about the crush of anxiety and horror that’s been living in his gut, watching Eddie and Tommy fall all over each other, is enough to make his skin crawl.

Eddie cocks his head. For the first time in, like, two weeks, he doesn’t seem frustrated or pissed—just slightly amused. It’s so familiar Buck can’t be upset, only relieved. “You think so?”

“Yeah, okay, I know I was. I was a dick. I get it. And—I’m sorry. I was jealous as fuck. It felt like he was—” Encroaching on my territory. Buck exhales heavily. “I just want—” To be special to you. No, not that, either. Eddie’s watching him patiently, giving him space to wade through the mess to reach the other side of it, as always. “I’m used to things being a—a certain way. And he just—he just walked in and everything was different. We were different.”

It’s still not a complete explanation, but Eddie softens and seems to understand anyway: that Tommy’s presence changed everything suggested to Buck that he and Eddie might not be the unshakeable unit he’d finally believed they were. It turned out that Eddie could indeed shut him out just as easily as he’d let Buck in, and Buck was used to most people deciding to close the door on him eventually.

Eddie’s fury begins to make sense to him. Buck should know by now that he wouldn’t, he’d never do that, and—why can’t he just make himself believe it? Why has he been so unfair when he wants Eddie to be nothing but happy and charming and loved?

“I didn’t know,” Eddie says, oddly subdued. “Honestly, I wasn’t sure what was going on with you. I could tell you weren’t happy with Tommy. I thought you were just…”

“Being Buck?” He tries for wry, fails, and lands somewhere around heartbroken.

“I guess.” Eddie looks a little troubled by the fact that he’s agreeing. Buck supposes he deserves it. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, so I guess I just didn’t think it was a big deal. I figured we could just… wait it out until you realized he’s actually a good guy.”

“Right,” Buck says. Despite everything, Buck still doesn’t want to hear it. He scratches awkwardly at the back of his neck, trapped under Eddie’s dark gaze, wide and liquid in the dying sun.

“I didn’t know that you were seeing things differently,” Eddie continues. “I—I got used to us being on the same page about everything important. Mostly. I never considered that we weren’t on the same page about… us.”

There’s a weight to it. Us. “What, uh…” Buck ducks his chin. “What page are you on?”

A heartbeat passes, and then Eddie’s abandoning his place by the kitchen island, stepping towards him. They spend all their time attached at the hip, and Eddie’s always been affectionate with him, but for some reason it seems to Buck that they’ve never been this close. Or maybe that’s just the way Eddie’s looking at him. “Buck,” Eddie murmurs. “I know you love me.”

What the fuck does that mean? Eddie said it like it was nothing, like he’s ever said it before, but Buck’s reeling.

“Eddie,” he says helplessly.

“I know,” Eddie says, “I need you to understand that I love you too. You hear me? I love you too, Buck. You got nothing to worry about. Not with me. You’re my—” Buck waits for him to say best friend. He doesn’t. Instead he pats Buck’s shoulder and draws back, his smile a little tighter around the edges.

Buck turns it over in his head, euphoric and completely lost in equal measures: I know you love me. I know you love me. I know you love me. Buck. I know you love me.

It’s not like it’s not true. Buck does love Eddie. It’s written into him deep. He’d be uglier without it, even less kind, less—just less. Less himself, probably. He thinks of how he’d spat Eddie’s blood out onto the asphalt and then hated himself for it, just in case the gore in his mouth was the closest they’d ever get again, the last part of Eddie he could keep.

“Eddie,” Buck says again, numb, and kind of awed nevertheless. “You—You’re mine, too.”

He still can’t pin it down, he still can’t name it. Whatever it is, Eddie’s his. Eddie just half-smiles, looks away, and says, “Yeah, bud. Don’t make me remind you again.”

#this is not “speculation” this is “i want them to be insane and i will make them insane”#got so lost in it i forgot whats even happening in the still. im sure you can insert a finger wag and a hand on the shoulder in your mind #i don't think i'll be able to finish anything before the ep comes out so have this instead. at 3 in the morning.#i think perhaps i am the insane person #my writing

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strangeshoepatrolbandit · 1 year

Text

Batfam x GN!Bat!Reader.

Summary: Bruce had another kid in Arkham asylum that nobody knows about.

Warnings: Murder, Arkham asylum, Reader can see the dead, Bruce being a bad father, hallucinations, delusions

Yes, I know that a psychiatric visit wouldn't go like this, I also know that hallucinations don't normally work like this, but it's a fictional world with a bat inspired vigilante, use your imagination.

Part one

~☆~

"Bruce, what the fuck!" Tim had yelled as he ran into the Manor.

Dick had abandoned the thought of taking Damian and going to get both Tim and Jason. Even if they showed up at the asylum with proof that they were your adoptive siblings and half sibling, they would still have a slim chance of getting to meet you.

"Calm down, Matster Timothy.." Alfred had tried his best to make the tension die down. He himself only knew of you from the brief explanation Bruce gave him five years ago.

"Calm down?!"

"Listen, I mean I could go in there with my badge and get to at least meet them." Dick proposed, searching his brain for a way to meet you.

"Yeah, we all could with our reputations." Jason made himself known by talking about their vigilante personas. He was weirdly calm throughout this entire thing. "Why have you never mentioned them?" Oh, now they could see it. He was acting... he's seething.

"I-" Bruce thought of something to say. "When they were fourteen, their mother was murdered. I was asked to survey the scene, and they had told me about how they weren't even there-"

"Where is this going, father?" Damian interrupted.

"And then we looked inside one of M/N's journals. Y/N has a history of delusions that they fully believe."

"So you shut them out because of that?" Tim asked, genuinely trying to grasp ahold of what was going on.

"I know that they wouldn't want me in their life, M/N didn't, so why would Y/N?" Bruce sighed.

Jason opened his mouth to speak but was beat by Dick speaking first. "We're going up there. We are going to meet them!"

"So you're Y/N's family." Dr. Conley spoke. "Bruce Wayne... I would not have called that."

"Can we see Y/N or not?" Damian asked, boredom evident on his face.

Dr. Conley took in a breath before setting a file on the table in front of herself. "Y/N is plagued by hallucinatory delusions. They believe that they can see the dead."

"Can they? I mean, we have aliens roaming around." It was Dicks turn to speak.

"No, they can't. They claim that two of the "people" they see are named Alice and Mathew, old residents of the asylum." Dr. Conley sighed. "We've never had any residents named Alice and Mathew Hallows."

"Are those her friends?" Tim asked.

"Yes."

"Y/N, you have some visitors." Dr. Conley told you, a small smile tugging at her dark skin.

You got up from where you sat, silently gesturing both Alice and Mathew to follow you. Dr. Conley guided you out of the main building and into a sanctuary that you had never been in.

"I'm still in isolation." You told her, afraid that you would get in trouble for being out of your room.

"We've made an exception." She smiled again, now opening up a door for you. As you walked in, you immediately noticed the one face you hoped you'd never see. Bruce Wayne.

And his little ducklings all sitting with him.

Dr. Conley pulled out a chair for you to sit in, but you never noticed that. All you could focus on was Bruce avoiding eye contact.

"Y/N." She snapped you out of your daze, finally letting you sit down. All seven of you sat awkwardly, not muttering a single thing. The boys just gave you small smiles.

Just as Dick was about to say something you spoke.

"You think I killed her, don't you?"

The room remained silent, offering Bruce's avoidance on a silver plater. "I would never, I loved her."

"You don't know what it was like out there, I was hungry, and so was she...I was getting us food-" You cut yourself off as you began shouting. "and when I came back, she was....dead."

Tears had started to unwillingly fall from your eyes, something that Bruce noticed as he finally looked up at you. "And I'm not crazy." You whispered.

You noticed the weary looks that everyone around the room shared. "What?" You asked.

When none of them answered you turned to look at Dr. Conley, taking notice of her frown.

"Y/N.." She whispered, "There are no records of an Alice and Mathew Hallows."

"What?" You laughed.

"We've looked at computer documents and paper documents... they just aren't real."

You looked at everybody in the room, hoping to find a smile on one of their faces, signifying that this was all a joke.

You whipped your body around to face Alice and Mathew. The young man, whom you've grown to know very well, only looked at you with a sorry look, and Alice stared at Dr. Conley with wide eyes.

This couldn't be real. She was lying.

You quickly turned to look at Dr. Conley, before going back to look at Alice and Mathew. This time, Mathew was nowhere to be seen, seemingly having turned to air.

"Y/N, no, she's lying, I'm real!" Alice yelled, grabbing at her face to convince herself.

"I know, I know!" You tried to make her feel better, but the hysteria under your skin started to break free.

"No, I'm real!" She was crying now. "I'm real!"

You turned to look at everyone in the room, about to ask them for help, only to stop yourself when you noticed their wide eyes. You heard Alice's cries die down but never turned to face her again. You were sitting there just staring at the people around the room.

When you came back to your senses you tried to mutter out, "We need to he-" you paused, "-lp her?"

Alice was gone.

~☆~

I know that people wanted a "holy shit you can see the dead" reaction, but I strive to suprise.

Also, I think I'm going to post a follow-up of this fic, just to see how Y/N's dealing with it and how their relationship with the batbros turns out.

I have another two part Asylum!bat!Reader in the works if you're interested.

Taglist:

@godknows-shetried @cookielovesbook-akie

@kinkmaster96 @sen-nes @bbnny

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eetherealgoddess · 5 months

Note

Can you make a fem reader whose is a martial artist with a yan bonten but she doesn’t let them get her easily

ik it's been a while y'all but don't worry bc i will be getting through your requests!!

idk much about martial arts so I’m just gonna do my best with the fighting scene. hope you enjoy!

also, why am i more inclined to write when i’m high 😩

ꨄFight For Your Lifeꨄ

Oneshot - Yandere Bonten Au

❦You’ve been on the run from your childhood friends❦

Sano Manjiro, Hanemiya Kazutora, Sanzu Haruchiyo, & Haitani Brothers x Reader

Not fully proofread

MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR & AO3 UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!

I apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.

Notice:

✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.

✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.

✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.

✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.

✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable

✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.

Enjoy!

Fight For Your Life

The platforms of your shoes slap against the wet concrete, puddles of water splashing as you ignore the rain falling on your skin. Your bloody clothes hugging against your body uncomfortably as the street lights glow amongst the dark sky, the empty buildings sitting under as you run past with squinted eyes. Your lips are apart as you take in quick breaths, though you tried to keep the panting steady. The adrenaline running through your veins made it easier to ignore the goosebumps caused by the cold air hitting your dermis and the red liquid running down your nose.

You didn’t know how long it had been since you ran from your totaled car. It was amazing how you slipped away, not expecting the driver of the car to have died on impact. You knew exactly who sent the sheep, snarling as you remember the men you couldn’t seem to escape for long. Although you made it far enough to stay in a motel a great distance away from Japan, you still had a long way to go.

I’m so tired of this shit.

It’s frustrating having to travel from place to place, continuously spending a limited amount of money just to be free from the grasp of the yakuza. If you would’ve known that you would be abducted as an adult by your childhood friends who disappeared without any warning, you wouldn’t have become close to them in the first place. To have been so devoted to them and the rest of the gang, only for them to abandon you and reappear without warning, snatching you up and treating you as property rather than a person, murdering most of your loved ones without a care of how that could affect you. Not only is the situation painful but demeaning. How could they treat you like that? No explanation for the disappearance nor the behavior, not that you needed it. Who they are now explains everything you need to know.

Ignoring the tightness of your chest became harder as you slowed your pace, halting your movements before bending over, hands on your knees. You gripped the fabric of your pants as your eyes closed, head dropping as you struggled to steady your breathing. Your tears of frustration mix with the droplets of rain, finally lifting your body and rubbing your sleeve against your eyes, only for the moisture to return.

Your eyes widen as bright lights flash behind you before you swiftly turn your body to face the car speeding toward you. The loud engine roars as the vehicle darts down the hill through the fog. You search around your surroundings for a good hiding spot amongst the empty stores. You huff before running behind a structure closest to you. You find a dumpster, cursing as you open it and climb in, ignoring your discomfort for bacteria as you cover your nose and close yourself into the darkness, praying to not feel anything crawling on you as you rub your face with both hands, smearing the blood from your nose.

You breathe in through your nose and release from your mouth, ignoring the overwhelming stench as you listen for anyone close. The pouring rain made it difficult to hear any footsteps if someone were to walk near. You closed your eyes as you pant into your cupped hands quietly. You patiently stay in your spot for what feels like a while, planning to hide in the dumpster all night long if you have to. The phone you bought when you ran from Bonten was lost in the wreck, hidden behind the broken machinery and shattered glass so you had no way to contact anyone to help, not that you knew anyone. You also didn’t know if the police would help you anyway considering Bonten has some of them wrapped around their fingers.

The top of the dumpster is snatched open, rain pouring as the sound of your screaming covers the droplets landing on the full sacks of trash. You struggle against the hold on your wrist as you’re yanked out of the hiding place, feet meeting the ground.

“The more you struggle the harder this will be for you!” The man growled, attempting to hold you in place. When he pulls you toward him with his grip tightening, you straighten your posture before pulling your head back and slamming it against his forehead causing him to release you as he grabs his head in pain. Running on nothing but adrenaline, you dash away from the man as you ignore the throbbing ache of your head, only to run in the direction of two more men speeding towards you.

“Shit!” You hiss before turning back around.

“Get her idiot or it’ll be our asses!” One of the men exclaimed on his way toward you as he faced the original male whose face is still scrunched in pain.

Just as you were about to pass the man who attacked you, he reached for you in which you dodged before continuing to make your escape. Before you could succeed, you are snatched by the collar of your top and yanked back. You gasp as you feel the sting from the sudden pressure on your neck, though your shock doesn’t last long.

“Gotcha you bit-!” He grunts and bends over, releasing you in the process when you elbow his stomach with as much strength as you could muster, so much so you release your own throated shriek. Before you could run the next man comes forth, pulling his arm back before landing a punch on your cheek. Your face hangs to the side in reflex as your palm immediately meets your cheek, eyes wide as you wince in pain.

Before he could make another move, you use your fist to back hand the man’s face before landing a punch on his cheek with the same arm, his body wobbling back as he tries to keep balance. You shove him just as the third male comes to ambush you from the side, both of you landing painfully on the ground with you at the bottom. The puddle of water mixed with dirt and grime splashes as you thrash in his hold as he grasps your wrists and forces them next to your head, squeezing as you howl in agony.

Seeing an opening all the while your face is scrunched with fresh blood oozing down your cheek, you take the opportunity to knee the man’s midsection. His eyes widen as his grip loosens, mouth hanging open with a silent scream. You make eye contact before shoving him off of you. Before you can pick yourself up, the original man places the platform of his shoe on your stomach before pressing down hard. Your nails claw at his covered ankles as he glares down at you with a smirk.

“Oh? What is this?” You watch as the color drains from the man’s face. Your own eyes widen at the realization that you had just been caught.

Your head slowly turns to the side, your own eyes meeting two pairs of purple orbs. A certain mullet haired man tsked as he stood in place, flicking the cigarette butt from his fingers before lifting the black gun held by his other hand. A blaring shot echoed in the air, your eyelids met just in time before the red liquid could splatter in your eyes.

As a result, a weight was lifted off of your stomach as you opened your eyes, watching as the other two men had an expression of bewilderment, freezing in their spots as they watched the bloody corpse drop to the ground, pieces of the brain and skull lying all around the wet ground. You stare at the situation with wide eyes as you slowly sit up, leaning on your trembling arms as you watch both males take a step back with their hands in surrender.

“Come on boys, don’t cower on us now.” The tall man says, running his fingers through his short streaked hair, a sly smile on his face as his other hand holds the black umbrella both him and his brother stood under.

“Pathetic.” Rin states before he turns on his heel, slowly walking away from the scene, Ran follows alongside. They don’t give you another glance.

Escaping your trance, you went to jump up, only for your arms to be grabbed by the two men. You thrash as your feet lifts from the ground, your biceps slightly sliding against their wet hands as the rain continues pouring. You didn’t stop your struggle even when nearing the familiar black suv that caused your heart beat to accelerate. Sweat mixed with the droplets sliding against your forehead as the pressure in your chest became more prominent the closer you got to your entrapment. You pull your arms with all your might against the growling males’ holds, attempting to use your feet to kick them, only for them to dodge and grips tighten.

“Don’t do this.” You plead, bargaining for your freedom.

“We got no choice, lady.” The guy on your left responded.

“You have to have a wife or daughter or something, guys! Please!” Your eyes burn with moisture caused by frustration, your eyebrows furrow as you glance between the men who hold you.

“Shut up!” The guy on your right hissed. “We’re doing this to keep them safe. Your well being is worth nothing to us so just accept your fate.”

Your head hangs low as you’re dragged to the car, the tinted window rolling down as a blur of white reaches your peripheral, right before the men holding you halt in front of the vehicle. You hear footsteps before a tight grip reaches your chin, forcing you to meet golden eyes that seem to glow through the rainy night. A blonde strand hanging on the left side of his face, the rest of his black locks pulled back in a messy ponytail. His empty orbs bore into you as you seem to internally cower from the strange expression.

Your discomfort increases as time goes on, the sound of the rain hitting the pavement masking the silence as you continue to hold eye contact. The corners of his lips curve upward before you can comprehend his next move. The tight grip released on your left arm before you hear a thud against the ground. Your eyes widened as you eye the injured male, turning your gaze back to the man who gives a sheepish smile, rubbing his bruised knuckles as he chuckled.

“You really know how to make a guy angry, Y/n.” He scratched the back of his neck before looking to the side as his smile dropped. “Running off like that wasn’t cool.”

You scoff before shaking your head angrily. You couldn’t believe his deflecting. They treat you like a pet. It’s degrading and abusive. The lack of respect as close as they were before is disgusting. Before you could respond, the cocking of a gun snatched your attention away from the tiger tattooed male in front of you and towards a certain pink haired man who now stood outside of the car. The barrel of his gun aimed right at your torso, your body tightening as you lose your breath.

His scars stretch as he snarls shifting his aim quickly before pulling the trigger. A loud shot rings out, echoing throughout the empty street. Your breathing slows down as the pounding of your heart is the only sound you can hear, followed by a ringing in your ears as the final grip releases you to the ground. The water pellets fall on your face as you feel pressure on your front as you stare at the sky, a warm liquid forming under your torso as your lips hang slightly apart.

You barely hear the car doors opening as your hearing goes in and out, five figures hovering over you as they observe your figure. Crouching down closest to your face, the platinum haired male who gives you an expression of emptiness uses a hand to caress the left side of your face, thumb tracing your temple. He leans over, his warm breath connecting with your ear.

“If you won’t let me have you, death will.”

As your hearing comes back and vision clears you watch as the men with solemn gazes turn and leave your vicinity. Mikey pulls back before picking himself up and following his men. You listen as you hear footsteps fade and the car doors open and close. The engine roars before they speed away, leaving you on the wet street.

You were in slight shock considering you couldn’t believe you had just been shot. You knew they were capable of it but the thought of yourself being murdered is unsettling. You stay on the ground for a moment, relieving yourself of the panic attack you just had before you slowly sit up and eye your surroundings. Seeing nobody in the area, you look down and pull your shirt up, grabbing the busted sack that once held fake blood from your cushioned vest. Staring at the sack you took a deep breath before releasing.

This is perfect because now they think I’m dead.

Although you were surprised about the gunshot, you wore a bulletproof vest, along with the fake blood sacks since you had escaped because you knew that there was a chance you might die trying to leave them. Your hands couldn’t help the trembling as you eyed the bloody puddle under you. Seeming to escape the trance, you hopped up from your seat and began to walk in the opposite direction from where you came.

The car’s atmosphere was thick with tension and grief. Although all the men held the same stoic and zoned out expression, their emotions were going haywire with their decision to kill you. Do they regret it? No. They don’t regret it as your punishment nor as a blockage for you to be able to move on without them. Do they wish you had just listened so it wouldn’t come to this? Indeed. Kazutora wipes the stray tear as his head turns to the side, eyebrows furrowed as he leans back in his seat with crossed arms and a crossed leg. Sanzu slowly cleans the gun used to take your life, wiping in slow yet rough strokes, all the while trying to focus on everything but the memory of your body landing on the ground. Now that his anger was gone, he lacked the adrenaline he had originally.

The Haitani brothers sit next to each other in the back of the black suv, Ran smoking a cigar with a tired expression as well as Rin removing a flask from his suit’s jacket and throwing his head back for a good sip. Mikey sat in the passenger’s seat, eyeing through the windshield with nothing but an empty void filling the inside of his chest. He feels nothing and everything at the same time. You used to be so close to all of them. It was a shame but he knew that he couldn’t allow you to live without him. You chose this. This is your fault.

A sudden ringing interrupts everyone as Mikey grabs the phone and hands it to Kakucho who uses one hand to direct the wheel.

“Hello?”

“You what?!”

Everyone’s eyebrows furrow at his reaction. He lowers the phone before handing it to Mikey with a concerned expression. Mikey sets the phone on his ear as he listens to the other person.

“Boss, her body is gone. She’s nowhere to be found.” Kokonoi says as he crouches down to get a closer look at the busted sack. Using a gloved hand to pick it up before it hangs from his fingers and the remaining liquid leaks.

“I have a feeling she faked her death and has escaped.”

Mikey stares ahead with a more focused expression, his eyes slightly wider than usual as he narrows his gaze.

“Find her, now.”

You eye the two lines with wide eyes. Your hands tremble as your fingers barely hold up the test.

“I-I’m pregnant?!” You hiss. You hop from the toilet and slam open the stall door, tossing it into the trash before walking to the sink and recollecting your memory as you try to search for how this could’ve happened because you genuinely had no remembrance of any sexual encounter in the last few months.

“I-I can’t feel…” The tingling in your limbs causes them to limp as you attempt to move your body around, though hands around your wrists prevent you from budging. Legs sit in between yours as the person on top of you leans over to your ear.

“How much of a dosage did you give her this time, Sanzu?” Kazutora asks before he licks a slow trail from your neck to your ear. You squirm under him as you try to find an escape before your body slightly shuts down and you become still as your eyes become heavier.

“G-guys…” You whisper, trying to come back to reality as you feel him adjust on top of you. Your mouth hangs open in a silent grunt as you feel a firm pressure enter your vagina.

“Enough.” The blue eyed male responds while rubbing his thumb along your forehead, taking in your scrunched nosed expression as Kazutora slowly thrusts into you.

“Fuck.” He whispers as he pressed his cock against your cervix, holding it there as his hands snake to the back of your head and neck, squeezing before he pulls his hips back to repeat the same process.

You shut your eyes tight as the girth stretches you, a stinging sensation surrounding your core before your pussy engulfs his cock perfectly. The pain switched to a conflicting pleasure that your own drugged body couldn’t handle. Your head falls back as Sanzu leans over and pulls you into a heated kiss, while Kazutora holds you tightly, his head on the other side of your neck as he accelerates his pace, hips rocking in a steady rhythm purposefully aiming deep against your g-spot.

Ran watched the display to the side with his brother, enjoying the show as they patiently waited for their turn with Bonten’s signature doll. He man - spreads while sitting with his arms resting against the top of the sofa, one arm slightly behind Rin who has his arms crossed. Both brothers ignore their erections as their pants become tighter, listening to the sounds you make as well as the juices colliding.

Mikey sits in a chair, similar to a throne next to the sofa, eyeing the session with his legs spread, leaning over to where his arms rest on his legs. From this angle, you both make eye contact when Sanzu pulls back.

“P-please stop!” You whine out as tears fall, hoping for Mikey to take control of the situation. Unfortunately, the only response you get are Sanzu’s thumbs smearing your tears and groaning from Kazutora in your ear.

Suddenly, he stops his thrusting and pulls back. He sets your legs on his shoulders as he looks down at you with a glazed over expression, red covering his face along with sweat as he repositions himself before leaning over your thighs and thrusting hard. His pace accelerates once more as he brings you both closer to your release. His forehead rests on yours as he thrusts his hips rhythmically against you. His cock slides in and nearly out of your walls as the head kisses your g-spot repeatedly.

“You're taking his cock so well, sweet girl.” The pink haired male whispers against your ear before nibbling the lobe, his hand sliding on your chest towards your neck before circling his fingers around the surface and slightly squeezing. The stimulation becomes too much, the sensation overwhelming as it mixes with the effects of the drug. Your hips meet his deep thrusts as you cry out.

“So. *thrust* Fucking. *thrust* Good, baby.” Kazutora’s raspy soft spoken words meet your ear as his eyes bore into yours. Biting his lip, he watches as your hands meet his chest as his grip tightens on your legs, along with the thrusts forcing you into having a violent orgasm along with sending him into his own as he moans out your name and his hips move sloppily, riding out both of your orgasms as sweat drips from your skin.

Your hand shakily reached your mouth as you recall when they would drug you up and proceed with sexual acts against your will. You have no clue which of them would even be the father. You knew you had to figure something out but you just didn’t know what. You quickly leave the public restroom and ask to use the cashier’s phone. Once you dial the number, you set it to your ear.

“Draken? C-can you please help me?”

“Ugh, girl come here!” You sigh as you eye the mess left from the little devil.

“What is this?” You question your child, eyeing her golden eyes as you point at the red paint that spilled all over your carpet.

“U-uh, I don’t know mama.” The eight year old responds with a cheeky smile. You shake your head, irritated because of the mess but you breathe out a sigh considering the paint is washable and will be able to be cleaned.

“Yeah, okay. You’re gonna help me clean this up.” You shake your head as your daughter nods. You chuckle to yourself before stating, “And don’t try to lie to me anymore, I can see right through you.”

Your daughter shrugs before leaving to grab some of the supplies. You couldn’t believe how much she grew to look like Kazutora. It was haunting and hard to deal with at times but she had nothing to do with it so the love for your child was enough distraction from how she was created. Before you could follow and help her, you heard a knock on your door. Your eyebrows furrow, not expecting anyone to have appeared so you ignore it.

Once the knocks stop, the ringing of your phone catches your attention. You snatch the device from your pocket and lift it to your ear.

“Hello?” You say to the unknown number.

“You have something of mine, and I’ve come to get it.” Before you could react, your windows were shattered as you crouched down and covered yourself. Immediately going into action, you run to the storage closet in the hallway to grab your child.

“Mama?” She cries out in surprise at the commotion.

“We have to go now!” You snatched her with one hand and pressed a contact with another.

“D-Draken! They broke i-!” Before you could finish, the phone was knocked out of your hand and you were forced to the ground, releasing your child in the process as she’s snatched by a person you hadn’t wanted to see.

“Awe, you really do have my eyes.” Kazutora says warmly with a smile as he holds your child in his arms, the poor girl crying in confusion and fear.

You're cuffed before you’re forced to stand up and face five of the men you never wanted to see.

“M-Mikey, please! She needs me! Don’t t-take her from me!” You yell in hopelessness, the tears falling uncontrollably as you watch Kazutora caress your daughter’s hair. The leader only stares down at you before turning on his heel and walking away, motioning for the other men to snatch you and follow.

“Wow, Y/n. You know, you really had us fooled.” Rin says as he grabs one arm. Ran stands on the other side and mimics his brother’s hold on the opposite arm.

“It’s silly really. We knew only an hour after you escaped and followed you up until this point.”

“You should be thanking the king for not killing you on the spot.” Sanzu growls with his head turned slightly back to make eye contact with you.

“On the bright side we can all be a family, now.” Kazutora beamed.

Truth be told though they would never say it out loud, they were all thankful that you hadn’t actually died. They found it humorous that you thought you could escape their radar at all. Now having been caught, you could only stare ahead, in hopes that if you comply, you could possibly come up with a plan to safely take your child and completely leave your past behind.

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hauntedwitch04 · 10 months

Text

Just a Mirror

Sam Winchester x plus size!Reader

Words: about 6.3k words

Warning: saddy sadness, and some allusion to sexy time, eating disorder, hating on your own person, please be careful if you sensible about this themes

REQUEST: Hi :) I saw that your requests are open, and I was wondering if you could do a Sam Winchester x plus sized reader; an angsty fluffy friends to lovers that has some smut and reader hating herself in the mirror and possibly problems with eating

Author’s note: Hi love! Thank you @desicroft02 so much for your request. I felt really inspired by your idea love and I hope you like how it came out, if you don't find yourself with what i wrote, feel free to say it to me and I'll write to you a new one !

p.s.I got very caught up in the topic, since it is something I feel very close to. I was never the skinny girl, but with the years I've grown used to feel different to others girls, and even if sometimes I really hate what I see in the mirror, I kinda arrived to the point that I see both the flaws and the strenghts of my body and I love both, but some of my closest friend and this kinda of disorder and I tried to help them the way aI could so this one is for them too.

In case you need someone to talk to, I am always here, don't be afraid to seek help because often having someone close by to remind you that the volume of that evil voice we hear inside can be lowered or eliminated is important.

Requests are open I Ask

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Why?

This is the only question that floats in your mind, while, with thick tears in your eyes, you try to read the enormous book about whatever monster you are hunting with your friends in this little city, forgotten by God.

You and your childhood best friends are hunting some monster that you still haven't been able to figure out what it is, despite the fact that you are reading yet another list of monstrous animals in the story, while Dean and Sam are still out at the bar where you had decided to spend the evening, and from which you had decided to escape as quickly as possible, without giving any kind of explanation to the two hunters, holding back tears and trying not to meet their confused gaze

You and the boys have been friends since you were six and they were seven and eleven. You met on a rainy October day when you were still living at Bobby's house, after your father had died in a hunting accident after leaving you with him, and being his friend and seeing him almost as a brother he couldn't help but welcome you and raise you as if you were his own daughter.

Dean and Sam had just been left in the rain on the narrow dirt road by their father when you looked out and saw these two cold, sad, and at the same time angry children. You could see the resentment they felt for the man who looked less and less like a father and more and more like an army general, ready to train soldiers and not raise children. Immediately you went to Bobby and told him of the presence of those two unknown children who were in your driveway. He had immediately run to get them and brought them inside the house, worried that they would get sick from standing in the rain, and wondering why their father had left them there, without saying anything.

"He said he didn't have time to explain and that he had to get there as fast as he could, but that he would call you this evening." Said the older of the two once they were seated on the couch in what must once have been a beautiful dining room, and was now more like an ever-growing mountain of books. It is to your adoptive father that you owe all the culture and ability to read texts on the supernatural that most hunters would not even know how to open.

As he spoke you could see the blond child trying to hold back the sadness within himself and show himself as a big boy, almost pretending to understand why his father abandoned them like that without saying a word; in contrast, the one who was supposed to be the smaller of the two, with unruly brown hair, looked more like a beaten puppy, as he wetly moved his feet lazily on the floor, listening to what his brother had to say, but not hiding his sadness and anger at his daddy's decision.

"Baby, couldn't you get Sammy a glass of water for him while Dean and I go make a call for a minute?" Bobby then asked you suddenly, and you realized that you were lost in thought as you watched and studied those boys. You nodded quickly, trying not to let it show that you had spent all that time staring at them, as you heard Bobby's voice and that of the blond boy, apparently named Dean, drift away, only to hear the front door open and close.

After a few minutes you returned to the living room with a glass in your hand, and walked over to the brown-eyed boy, who was now looking at you and smiling shyly. You handed him the glass with a beaming smile, and he could do nothing but blush a little and retract his body a little, letting shyness take possession of him as he took the glass.

"Thank you." He told you in a faint voice.

"You're welcome." You replied as you sat next to him on the sofa.

"My name is Sam." He said, only to freeze and blush again as he held out a hand for you to shake, just as grown-ups do. You told him your name, and he commented that it was a very nice name, and that he liked it a lot, before going back to being silent and staring into the sad void.

You not being able to see what you considered a new friend feel so bad, you shamelessly asked him why his father had left him there and if that was why he was sad. He turned to look at you, and unknown how, he burst into tears, while with his hands he covered his face, not wanting to be seen as weak with someone he had just met, but you didn't give a damn.

Immediately you hugged him and listened to him talk about how his father was behaving with them, how his brother was struggling more and more to hide that he was tired of his parent's behavior, and how he was lonely and sad, constantly changing towns and seeing nothing but his family. That poor seven-year-old seemed to be thirty years old because of the problems he was telling you about, and as much as you were even younger because you were only six, you felt like you could understand him, because for a while that had also been your life before your father passed away.

You remained thus cuddled on the couch and fell asleep, lulled by the warmth of the fire slightly away from you and the new friendly presence that had entered your lives that afternoon, so much so that when Bobby and Dean returned after trying for a varied amount of time to contact John, and finally once succeeding in being insulted and put down by him, they both smiled at the sight of those two small and defenseless children embracing each other, as if to protect each other from the world. But no one knew that night before you fell asleep you had promised to protect each other forever, no matter how, when or why you would always be there for each other.

That was how you got to know the Winchester brothers, and the hatred for their father also began.

You awaken from your thoughts when you hear the motel door open and close, realizing that another time had gone into the whirlwind of memories and you were lost in remembering again when life was easy. You hear someone coming toward you with heavy footsteps, so you wipe away the tears you didn't know were there on your cheeks, which like small streams had almost made a furrow along your skin by now.

You sense right away who it is, but you don't have the strength to turn around so you continue to cry silently as you feel two arms wrapped around you, and Dean's warm body resting on your back as he leans down so that he can put his head in the crook of your neck and hold you better. Ever since the two of you met it was immediately like big brother and little sister between the two of you, and even now despite the fact that it has been a long time since you were children and in your spare time you enjoyed stealing cherries from the neighbor's tree, there is still that complicity and understanding between the two of you that once existed.

He knows exactly why you escaped so suddenly from the dive bar you were both in a few hours ago. Sam had seen a beautiful girl, the classic cover model of some magazine, slim and with all her shape in the right place, taking a drink at the bar, looking seductively at him as she put the drink straw between her lips. Sam's hormones had not let him repeat twice that clear call to fuck directly in the bar's bathroom, a bathroom from which you were coming out as he was sticking his tongue down the throat of that fake and at the same time perfect babe, who in his arms looked so small and yet in the right place, toned against his strong muscles, as opposed to how you would have looked with your shapely body. You couldn't stand there and watch the boy you love for so long now make out with someone else, so without explanation you left and went back to the motel where you took two bedrooms for the case. Usually you take two rooms only when Dean wanted to find someone to take to bed, unlike Sam who kept his sex life much more private than his brother, but since he and Cas had come out a few months ago you had not taken the second room, having practically grown up together and thus having no problem sharing space. That night, however, when you had arrived in the small town Sam had insisted on taking a second room, and stubbornly had not told his older brother why when he had asked him, and somehow your heart was preparing for what would happen, but in fact nothing would totally prepare you for what you would see in that bar and how your heart would break.

Dean squeezes you tightly, as if he is afraid you will disappear at any moment, and that heartfelt squeeze only makes you break the weak dam you had built when you saw him come in, and you burst into endless weeping.

"I know baby, I know." That's all the blond man can manage to say to you, as he gets you up and carries you toward the bed, so you can lie down and take off your shoes, before coming close to you and holding you in his arms, until exhausted, you fall asleep safe in Dean's strong hold, while he whispers soothing words to you.

The next morning you wake up with the sun gently caressing your face from over Dean's shoulder. You smile for a second, imagining what it would be like to wake up in the other Winchester's arms, and soon after your heart, as if pierced by an arrow, bleeds at the memory of what happened last night. You get up, shifting your friend's arms, and go to the bathroom to wash and freshen up, when you hear the door to your room open, and a male voice, known even too well, shout to your still sleeping friend.

"Dean, wake up!" Sam yells, and you behind the door hold a hand over your heart, just imagining her beauty after her usual morning run to stay in shape. Her long dark hair tied back in a light bun, her forehead sweaty and muscles still tense from exertion.

"I'm awake, you asshole." Dean replies, as you hear him get up and go get some coffee. "You could have deigned to make less noise last damn night, you know there were people here who wanted to sleep."

You hear Sam snort at his brother's words, then respond to him in an aggressive, cold tone.

"Well then there are people who wouldn't want to see you run off to fuck wherever we go, hold hands all the time or make love wherever you are. And you know something else too Dean, I thought you were a better person. Why her? Come on you've had a lot of girls, and it wouldn't cost you anything to find a thousand more, why did you have to choose her!?" Says the younger brother, before leaving the room, slamming the door behind him.

You close your eyes and try to control your breathing as you feel yourself lacking oxygen. You feel tears coming to your eyes, but you try with all your strength to push them back down. You take a few minutes to control your emotions as all you want to do is fall to the floor on your knees and scream until you can't hear yourself anymore, but you stay strong and open the door to see Dean immediately in front of you, looking pained and guilty, seeing your state.

"You didn't tell him." You say in a calm, quiet voice, not asking, but stating that your best friend had not told about his new relationship with our angel friend.

"I never found the right time." Dean tries to say, then looks down. "I never had the courage, every time I seemed to miss the words."

"Sam would never judge you, and you know that." You say as you feel a pang inside your heart, remembering the words the man you love had used a few minutes earlier. You feel your clothes sticking to your body like glue, too tight, so tight that you feel as if they have pre torn. You feel how the floor gives way under your feet, you feel how a billion eyes are on you ready to judge you, you feel something inside you break, but you can't let anyone but yourself see how mere words have hurt you, so you grit your teeth and continue to look at Dean stoically, as you feel a single and only tear escape down your face.

"I know, but I'm afraid in the same way, I don't want it to end like last time." Dean confesses, still looking at the floor, but crying clearly, as his words take you back to when you were nothing more than kids and he had come crying to you one night, confessing that he had fallen in love with a boy he had met during his last case, and that his father after finding out had beaten him so badly that his scars remained, and had forced him to watch pornographic movies, reminding him how "a real man acts." No one had ever seen you as angry as Dean, and Bobby when he heard you scream and came to watch that night as you swore to heaven that you would kill John Winchester. Dean had never told Sam about that episode, not wanting to worry him since he had just run away to study at Stanford, and asked you to do the same. It has been so long since that night, yet the memory of that pain and that man still frightens the wonderful person in front of you.

"But I swear I will. He has no right to think such things about you! I-I will tell him-" He begins to say, as he tries to wipe away the tears running copiously down his face. You, moved in turn and knowing that like you he too was remembering that fateful evening, take his face in your hands and bring his eyes to gaze fixedly into yours.

"No, you won't do it now, you will do it when you feel like it." You comment chuckling as you caress his face. He looks at you unconvinced and you see his inner battle inside whether to accept your proposal or to be as always too good and allow the world to kick him in the balls.

"Please be selfish for once. And if I serve as your cover, so be it, not that I would have had any chance with him anyway." You continue, smiling at him as you feel your heart slowly shatter. You see Dean ready to retort, but you have already disappeared back into the bathroom, crying silently. Once the bathroom door is closed, you stop to look at yourself in the mirror and realize how disgusted you feel about your body.

There is not a single thing about you that you like: your thighs, your arms, your stomach, your chest.

The more you look at yourself, the more you want to break that all-too-truthful mirror, which tells an unfiltered reality, a sad truth that for so long you had tried to ignore, but which now that Sam had spit it in your face you could no longer pretend not to see. So you decide at this very moment that everything was going to change, you don't know how, but it was going to happen.

So weeks go by, Sam still won't talk to you, and slowly you continue to sink into the stupid realization that he doesn't because only he, like you, can really see your body, and that he hates you for it, so now convinced that you have to change your body to be loved, you begin to eat less and less and more rarely, and what little you put in your mouth to make Dean happy, who sees you getting sadder and more tired, is rejected from your stomach just moments later when no one is looking at you. This situation hurts your body and your heart, but you do it so that you can look at yourself in the mirror without wanting to punch him, but things seem to get worse and worse. You look at yourself and you never fit, before you saw a body you didn't like, now beyond that you see a person you don't like.

Dean is getting more and more worried about you, seeing you getting paler and paler and thinner, but every time he tries to talk to you, you put on a smile and pretend that everything is going well and that the only reason your shirts now look huge on you is that you are working out more, but he knows that you never liked sports and that is why he knows you are lying to him. He tried to talk to Sam about what was going on, but all his brother managed to say by pouting was that if he needed relationship advice to go somewhere else and that he didn't want anything to do with the two of you.

Dean was on the verge of smashing the plate he was holding in his face and yelling at him to open his eyes and see that you love him more than Dean does right now and that he is fucking in love with their favorite angel, but then he had seen Castiel's face and knew he couldn't let him down after he asked him to keep a low profile and let as few people as possible know about their relationship.

Dean had never felt so lousy as deciding between the love of his life and a friend in need, but he knew that if you found out what he had done you would insult him, so he played it cool and moved on, as if nothing had happened, while he continued to try to take care of you, with little success.

It's been almost a month since Sam had said those horrible things, and you're not getting worse and worse, but in order not to show it in front of your friends, you keep doing the same things as before, trying to have the same cheerfulness.

You are now hunting a werewolf in a remote town in a state you don't even remember. Your body is weak, you haven't eaten anything Dean has brought you in the last three days taken at the various fast food restaurants and bars he had found along the way, and what little you had put in your mouth had gone down the drain shortly thereafter, hating yourself just for having the idea that you could eat something. You feel your eyelids as heavy as shutters, the muscles in your body are nonexistent, and what few are left ache from the mere effort of standing and walking, while your head throbs incessantly.

In this you are scouting around where the last victims had been killed, to see if you can find any more information, but so far you have not had much success, so you decided to split up.

You are barely holding the flashlight in your hand, too heavy for you, when you feel a sudden dizziness that forces you to lean against the wall. You stay a few minutes trying to catch your breath, eyes closed, breathing in the cool night air around you, when you hear a noise coming from a short distance away from you, like a dog growling. With difficulty you open your eyes and see before you a sight that is frightening to say the least: the werewolf you were looking for is looking at you ravenously, while a dark laughter rumbles from his belly to his mouth. Quickly you try to pick up the phone to call Dean or Sam, but unfortunately your mind is so clouded that you can't even do simple things like this and the phone slips out of your hands to the monster's feet.

"The Winchesters' little friend!" He says, seeing who you were trying to contact. "I've heard a lot about you, among the monsters you are known as their true weakness: so small and helpless, you wouldn't even survive my bite, I'll do you a favor and eat your miserable heart." He continues as he gets closer, and you do whatever comes to your chin at this moment, as you feel death coming slowly but comfortingly too, like an old friend you haven't seen in a long time. You scream Sam and Dean's name as loud as you can, hoping that at least one of them can hear you, your lungs aching from how much breath you had to use and your throat burning from the effort as you feel your strength failing.

You lean back against the wall again, this time with your back, and let yourself slide down to the floor, as your vision goes completely black and your ears become plugged as when you go too deep underwater, and the world seems more and more distant. You have one last flicker of life before you pass out completely in that dark alley, at the mercy of that monster, and you hear Sam's voice call out your name for a moment.

Your heart loses a beat, and then completely dark.

You awaken with a jump and a gasp as you sit up on the bed on which someone has carried you. Your head immediately begins to spin like a spinning top, and your vision fails again as you feel a warm hand settle on your shoulder and bring you back to lie down.

"Relax, you're safe now. It's okay." Says in a low, soft tone a rough voice, leading back to Sam. You, shocked to know he is there next to you, open your eyes with difficulty and find yourself lying on the bed in your room, in the bunker, as you see him kneeling beside your bed. His face shows the weariness he feels, but in his eyes shines a strange hope as he looks at you mixed with sadness. You place your gaze on the rest of the room and see your favorite chair, where you usually sit to read your books or do your research when you are tired of sitting in the library, covered with blankets and pillows, making you realize that your favorite giant has been sleeping there for what seems to be even more than a couple of days, otherwise everything looks the same, unchanged, and strangely everything now seems to make more sense with the presence of Sam and some of his things in the room. Immediately you slap yourself in the face at that thought, reminding yourself that he hates you, and that the reason he is here is because Dean will have had better things to do than watch you sleep.

You're about to tell him that he can leave, and leave you alone, knowing that he doesn't even want to be in the same room with you, as he has shown recently, and that in case his brother asks you, you won't tell him, but he beats you to the punch and starts talking.

"First of all I want to say I'm sorry, you don't even know how much, and I certainly understand if you never forgave me in your life, because I wouldn't forgive myself." Sam says, as you see tears forming in his eyes. You try to stop him, confused as to why he was making that speech, but he stops you in turn and begs you to let him finish.

"We found you just in time, by "luck," if you can call it that, that asshole had decided to torture you a bit before eating your heart, and we got there before he could do it, but when Cas touched you to treat you he said he didn't know if you would survive anyway because your body was too weak since you hadn't eaten for too many days. Dean insulted me and even beat me up a bit before explaining the matter from his point of view." You can't help but widen your eyes, and Sam chuckles seeing your expression, as two tears run down his face, and he darkens a little again before continuing, without looking you in the eye.

"Yes, he also told me about Cas, and also about that affair with our father to make me understand why you decided to cover for him."

You close your eyes for a moment, expecting a series of insults, but you only feel his lips rest on your hand, so you open them again and see him leaning over the bed, as you feel his tears coming hot to contact your cold hand.

"Thank you." The boy confesses in a whisper. "Thank you for everything you did for Dean, thank you for always taking care of him when I couldn't or was too blind and stupid to, I don't deserve to have you in my life."

You can't find the words, and so you do the only thing you can think of this moment, and you take his hand and squeeze it, while barely smiling at him.

"We will always have helped each other, you remember. Then Dean will be your brother, but it's like he's my brother too." You say as you pull his face up and force him to look into your eyes. You see him cry even harder, a few sobs escaping his lips, as he squeezes your hand even tighter.

"I'm sorry, I promised I would always protect you, and instead I was so stupid and jealous that I didn't realize what I was doing." He tells you again, only to stop for a moment and look at you this time with a resolve he lacked until a few seconds ago. "Why did you stop eating? How come you covered your mirror in the bathroom? Dean found the remains of the one from before in the garage, thought you didn't like it and got a new one, so he changed it for you."

Immediately you remember, one night in a rage after looking at yourself in the mirror for the umpteenth time, you had started punching it until it had become nothing but stardust under your bleeding fingers, and the next day when you had returned from your walk with the dog, you had found a new one, with a note from Dean who had said that seeing that you had taken it off, thinking that you didn't like it anymore, he had bought a new one, so realizing that you couldn't escape that vicious cycle and knowing that if it happened one more time it would arouse even more suspicion, you had simply covered it up, and hoped that no one would ever learn of that dirty secret, and instead, here it all was for all to see.

You look at Sam in those damned puppy-dog eyes of his, and burst into desperate weeping. He, seeing you in this state, instinctively picks you up and holds you in his arms.

"I disgust myself Sam." You finally manage to utter those damn words, and immediately you feel as if your soul lightens as you feel his arms grip your body even tighter as if you could disappear at any moment, and at the same time he does it with an innate delicacy, as if it were a precious crystal figurine that can be broken under his gaze. "I'm disgusted by my body, I'm disgusted by every single thing about me, and you're disgusted by it too, don't lie to me. I thought if I lost weight things would get better, but they don't, I feel worse and worse." You continue, while somehow trying to get away from him.

"In what sense would you disgust me? When would I have ever said such a thing?" He asks confusedly as he looks at you, tears have dried on his face. His eyes range and seem to want to imprint your every little detail in his memory. His gaze makes you blush as you try to find the words to tell him how his words have done nothing but unleash a storm that had long been locked up somewhere inside you and was just waiting to be released. So you take a deep breath and tell him everything, while he looks at you attentively and astonished, his arms still around his body, as if he needs reminding that you are there beside him, and that you are not just a product of his mind.

You tell him everything, every little thing you had felt hearing his words while you were locked in that damn bathroom, your feelings and emotions in the month to follow, along with all the thoughts and all the actions you had put in place in the hope that he would no longer hate you, and that maybe you would hate yourself less, too. He starts crying again, and hides his face in the crook of your neck.

You stay a few minutes clasped to each other, in silence, after you have poured your heart out in front of him, ready to suffer the consequences, when he takes your face in his hands and stares at you steadily with those chocolate-colored eyes of his, and for a moment you feel your breath short.

"Don't ever think of such a thing again. Never. You are perfect exactly as you are, there is nothing I would change about you, there is nothing I don't love about you." At his words you stand still, as if petrified, afraid that a single movement of yours could mean the breaking of this beautiful illusion. "Yes, I am tired of holding all this in, I love you, I love you so much that I am sick just thinking about not having you near me for a second, I love you so much that I would have been ready to kill my brother for stealing the girl I love all my life, I love you so much that I would be ready to climb the highest mountain in the world and scream it to everyone!" He continues as he stands up on the bed, and begins to move his arms quickly, just enough to make you laugh. At the sound of your laughter he turns to look at you, and smiles even more, to return next to you on his knees and cup your face in his hands. "I love every little, tiny thing about you madly. I'm crazy, crazy in love, and I was a fool because I was so convinced that getting away from you would be better for you, that I didn't realize that you were suffering because of me, and I'm sorry. On the one hand I would like to let you go and make you happy, but on the other hand I am an extremely selfish being and I only want you for myself." He continues as he rests his forehead on yours, whispering the last words. "I love you, and I'm sorry."

You look at him, and not even realizing what you are doing, you take his face in your hands and bring his lips to yours. The kiss you exchange arises as sweet and gentle, like two flames dancing in an elegant dance side by side, testing each other's reaction, in the same way your lips move over each other, slowly tasting that new sensation. You feel her soft lips caressing yours, until neither of you has a single breath left.

"I love you too if you hadn't realized it idiot." You comment making him laugh. "I love you, and for so long I would have preferred not to because it made me sick, yet I could do nothing but love you. The only reason that kept me alive was my love for you, even though it was also my poison." You continue by looking into his eyes, and you see the pain in his.

"If you forgive me, I will do everything to correct what I have done." He looks at you, with a penitent and pleading gaze, as he takes your hands in his, before you release one and place it on his right cheek, and he instinctively leans into your hands, seeking that simple contact.

"I've already forgiven you moron." She laughingly comments, before throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him again, but this time the air in the room is different. The atmosphere becomes more erotic and intriguing. You feel his hands carefully explore your body, running his hands down your sides from your breasts to your butt, where he rests his large, warm hands, before slipping them under your T-shirt and caressing the skin of your back, making you shiver. You feel his hand rise higher and higher to the level of your bra and undo the hook that held it, but then he stops. Parting your lips he looks into your eyes for a second.

"If you don't feel up to it it's perfectly fine honey, we can stop here-"Sam says unsure, but you stop him.

"Afraid it's too much for you Winchester?" You ask as you raise your eyebrows, and see him smile, before resting his lips on yours, then creating a trail of kisses from your mouth to the chest exposed by the shirt you are wearing, down your neck.

"God, how I've missed you." He comments between kisses, but then stops again and looks at you seriously. "Anyway, I wasn't kidding myself, if you don't feel comfortable we can stop here."

You look at him, in his eyes only the pure affection and love you feel for him, and then put an end to all his doubts.

"I want to do it Sam." You say in a whisper as you take the bottom of his shirt with your hands and slowly slip it off, thus also dropping the bra he had unfastened a few minutes ago. "I want to do it with you Sam."

He looks at you and doesn't let you tell him twice, and he resumes his attack on your neck, leaving obvious signs of his passage, and then moves on to your breasts.

"God, you're perfect." He whispers before teasing one of your nipples. You moan softly at that sensation, feeling his teeth clench, his lips kiss and his tongue lick every single inch of your body, worshipping you like a goddess, a queen, tasting every inch of your skin.

This wonderful moment is interrupted, however, by the unannounced entrance of Dean, who, seeing the scene of his brother splayed across your body as he kisses your breasts, and with one hand explores the rest of your body, while you clutch his long hair in your hands, moaning his name shamelessly, lets out a small scream, before closing the door again.

"Damn you guys could warn." Comments the older brother, as Sam with speed grabs a blanket to cover you.

"Should we announce? You're the one who entered the room unannounced!" Sam replies in turn, making an expression that makes you laugh. "You can still come in now jerk."

"Bitch." Dean retorts, to open the bedroom door again and have a stupid grin plastered on his face. "So, I see Sam hasn't exactly figured out how to talk and resolve a situation, usually the mouth should be free to talk, not busy sucking-"

"You try to say one more Winchester word and I'll tell everyone about Christmas with Cindy McWood." You threaten him, and see him whiten, before his smile returns to its former self.

"Well what can I say in that case guys, good conversation and be sure to use protection, I'm not ready to be an uncle." He says closing the door behind him, then opening it again. "Not that I wouldn't make a great uncle, but I would say I'm too young and then-"

"Out!" You and Sam scream in unison, and the only thing Dean does is give you the finger before walking away. The two of you stand still for a moment weighing what just happened and burst out laughing, before Sam's lips find yours again.

"Where were we?" He asks you next, and you can't help but smile and moan at feeling his lips on you again.

It's shaping up to be a very interesting night, long but interesting, and you know that in the end maybe by tomorrow morning you can slowly look at yourself in the mirror, seeing the reflection of the man you love behind you supporting you.

TAGLIST

@supernatural-lvr @itzdarling @newtdumbledoorstarksoot @evansstan-akya

#hauntedwitch04's writing #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x reader smut #sam winchester smut #sam winchester x plus size reader #sam winchester x reader #dean winchester x plus size reader #dean x castiel #supernatural x reader #supernatural #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #sam winchester #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester imagine #becky's favorite #castiel x dean #castiel novak

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songmingisthighs · 1 month

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Oddeleny

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

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ch. lxvi - gotcha

ghost!yeosang × reader

genre : ghost!au

rating, warning : mature; crude jokes and filthy language

wc : 1.2 k

buy me coffee ?

a connection once had, broken with the expectation that the ending is final. but life has an odd proclivity of making attachments from detachments. in the end, we don't know what we lost until we look at what we have

To say Wooyoung hesitated to come was a major understatement because the second Wooyoung got to Mingi and Yeosang's apartment complex, he felt a shiver down his spine, remembering what happened in Yeosang's room. That's why it was so hard for him to knock on the door of the apartment because he didn't know what to expect then.

Frankly, Wooyoung didn't know why he listened to Mingi and agreed to come. Of course, it was curiosity that got the best of him because for the past God knows how long, Wooyoung was trying to look for an explanation or something to relate to. Well, someone. Now that Mingi said the things he said, he wanted to believe that Mingi shared his experience. All in all, Wooyoung hoped that he would be able to get some clue as to what to do with what happened, whatever it was.

So he braced himself, took a deep breath, and rang the bell, almost regretting it immediately and part of his brain told him to just turn around and walk away but Mingi had opened the door.

"Good, you're here," Mingi huffed, convincingly acting as if he was flustered which surprised Wooyoung because he had never been glad for his arrival. Slowly, Wooyoung trailed into the apartment and took off his shoes. "I'm surprised that you're glad I'm here," Wooyoung muttered, looking around the apartment warily as if expecting to see Yeosang standing there. But of course, Yeosang didn't show up.

"So what is it that freaked you out to the point of contacting me?" Wooyoung asked, his eyes still shifting around like a thief who is calculating his move. Mingi made a point to sigh and gestured for Wooyoung to sit on the couch, "I think... It's better for you to sit down first because things could get overwhelming," he stated, confusing Wooyoung who cautiously followed Mingi's direction and sat down. "What are you talking about?" It took him a moment but his eyes widened, "Did you catch Yeosang popping on his computer screen?" Wooyoung asked, his voice laced with anxiety with a hint of excitement.

"Remember how you told your friends that you think your grandma always favoured your twin sister and that you're worried that she's going to give your portion of the inheritance to her because she'd just manipulate her and that you'd make sure nothing like that ever happens?" Mingi started, inching towards his room while Wooyoung's eyes followed his movements. Slowly, Wooyoung nodded but his eyebrows furrowed, "Yeah? What about it?" he asked, now feeling that the conversation was inching somewhere else.

Without saying much more, Mingi opened the door of his room and Seonghwa and San stepped out, surprising Wooyoung enough to make him stand up. "What are you two doing here?" Wooyoung was in no way ready to face the two considering he had abandoned all of his responsibilities to San and their channel and refused to answer Seonghwa's calls. "Wooyoung, we've been talking to Mingi and we're worried about you," Seonghwa started as San only stood by the sides with his arms crossed, trying his best not to immediately attack his credibility as influencer partner. To that statement, Wooyoung's body shifted to a defensive stance, one foot in front of the other as if he was preparing to run if needed. "And what the fuck has Mingi been telling you two? You know he's a liar, right? He exaggerates all of the things he said. He doesn't know half the shit in my life and what I've been doing." Sighing, Seonghwa crossed his arms too and peeked into the room he came from before returning his gaze to Wooyoung, "No, but I've heard a lot, SEEN a lot from (y/n) and that's what got me even more worried."

It was bad enough that Seonghwa, HIS friend, mentioned your name, but to see you coming out of Mingi's room and standing in front of San with people he recognized as your friends spreading along the room almost made him scream. As hard as it was, Wooyoung held his voice in and only snarled at the sight of his twin sister, "And what the hell are you doing here you psycho?" Immediately, the bulky guy next to you (Jongho), took a step forward to swing at Wooyoung only to be held back by the smallest guy of the bunch (Hongjoong). "Hey, it's not like I wanna face you Wooyoung but I'm doing this so your friends don't have to deal with the horse shit you've been piling on me," you scoffed with a roll of an eye, making it obvious that you were done with his antics while simultaneously pissing him off. Judging from the way Wooyoung clenched his fists, it seemed like you achieved your goal.

Wooyoung stood there as he eyed you and his friends, conveniently acting like your own friends weren't even there. Not that any of them cared because they were only there to support you and in addition, Mingi and in extension, Seonghwa and San. "So what did this bitch told you that you were so easily manipulated, huh? Did she told you all about how she was ignored all of our childhood and that she blamed it on me? Did she told you about how she manipulated my grandma and my cousin to the point that our parents were harrassed?" "Save it Wooyoung, we know you've been stalking her and we know that it was you who planted the idea in your parents' brain to kick (y/n) out of school," San finally spoke up, stepping out from behind Seonghwa to face the friend he now barely recognized.

The secret had obviously eaten Wooyoung away like a flesh-eating virus because the person who stood before them was not the proud, cocky, and albeit conceited friend they once know. The guy before them was skittish, wary, he looked like he was running from something which he was and it was his past that was catching up to him at a rapid speed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Wooyoung said as his brain tried to think of a way to inch out slowly, figuring how to get out considering that he was grossly outnumbered. Plus, in his deluded mind, he believed that the people before him were willing to do what he would and what he would do was just something none of the others would even consider.

"Wooyoung, just stop. Aren't you tired of hiding everything?" You snapped, taking steps forward to Wooyoung much to your friends' dismay, "Look at you! No one knew where you've been for weeks and everyone is worried! Frankly, I am because you were not like this before and you're cracking, Wooyoung. You're like a fragile porcelain teacup just a tap away from shattering and God, don't you see how affected your friends are?" Hearing that made Wooyoung blink in realization, his eyes immediately darted to his friends and sure enough, he recognized the worry underneath the stress lines on each of his friends. "They're so worried about you that they rushed here to help you because damn it, Wooyoung, you're out of fucking control! What you've been doing are criminal actions and had it been up to me, I would've put your ass in jail, BELIEVE ME. But against my better judgment and absolute fury, they told me that you deserve a second chance. I know more than ANYONE what it felt to deserve a second chance only to not even be offered it. God knows what it felt like to be the person who actually has the trigger to ruin your whole life at the tip of my finger for retribution only to be coaxed to understand you. So please Wooyoung, make me hate you more by being benevolent because the other side of the coin would allow me to ruin you and if I achieve that so easily, I'd turn into you."

The room fell silent and for once in his life, Wooyung was speechless. He hadn't taken into consideration how his actions affected his friends. Then again, he never had to think about anyone other than himself and he was perfectly fine with that. So it took him by absolute surprise that you'd be the one to speak on behalf of his friends.

"Wooyoung, we want to help you. You need the help. Professional help and we want to be there for you," Seonghwa said from behind you, hesitating to move as he was afraid that if he moved too quickly. Wooyoung would flee like a deer. But Seonghwa braved himself and stepped out to stand next to you, "Let us help you, Wooyoung."

Hope emerged when the people in the room saw Wooyoung's shoulders drop and his hands reached out to his friend.

As quick as the hopeful moment came, it was oh too quickly snubbed out as chaos broke. Wooyoung's hand pivoted at the last moment and instead of Seonghwa, he grabbed you by the forearms and swung himself sideways, effectively throwing you back against the coffee table, breaking it to pieces. It was so sudden that no one really knew what to do. In the midst of the confusion, Wooyoung took the chance to push past San and Hongjoong, making his exist as quick as he could while leaving a mess behind.

While people rallied around you, worried beyond their minds, you caught a glimpse of the fear in Wooyoung's eyes as he gave one last regretful look before he disappeared behind the door. It was then did you allow the regret to sink in as you thought,

I should have let the bitch rot in jail.

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klonnieshippersclub · 1 month

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Caught in the Act

Today is the last official day of Klonnie Weekend! Feel free to submit any works late. I've loved everything I've seen so far. This entry focuses on Klonnie in season 3 with the prompt, "Public Displays of Affection." Their audience isn't a fan, but Klonnie doesn't care!

When Damon received the invitation from Klaus to plot how to defeat Esther, he didn't expect Bonnie to be there. Elena accompanied him because she refused to be left behind. He didn't want her to be involved in this because of her questionable decision making. He dragged Caroline along under the belief that Klaus wouldn't be as hostile with her there. He never anticipated walking in on Bonnie practically sitting on the Original’s lap with how close they were.

“Bonnie, are you holding hands with Klaus?” asked Elena, staring at the powerful duo. The doppelganger was pale at the sight of her best friend being so close to her greatest enemy.

Bonnie quickly pulled her hand away from Klaus’ as she turned to face her friends. “Why would you think that?” Bonnie evaded answering the question. She would hate to lie to her friends, but she wasn't ready to tell everyone about her relationship with Klaus.

“Actually-” Klaus attempted to interject. Unlike Bonnie, he thought there was no point in waiting to tell people of their relationship. He was always impatient but Bonnie wanted the timing to be right. In his mind, now would be the best time since they were temporarily allies.

Elena's wide eyes traveled back and forth between the Original Hybrid and the Bennett Witch. She knew what she saw and they were being far too affectionate for those plotting to kill each other. The Gilbert girl exclaimed, “He was just kissing your neck!”

“I think you're confused,” denied Bonnie.

“It was more of a nibble than a kiss,” grinned Klaus with a devilish look in his eyes. If he and Bonnie had more private time, then he would have convinced Bonnie to let him have a little taste of her blood. She was the sweetest thing and he loves to drink from the source.

Bonnie shushed her lover and slapped his arm, hoping that he would quiet down.

Damon grabbed Bonnie’s arm and pulled her away from Klaus. Bonnie just began accepting all of them. It was impossible she was sleeping with Klaus. “She’s been drugged!”

“She wasn’t drugged leaving my place this morning,” argued Klaus.

“I wouldn’t have spent the night if you weren’t so clingy!” teased Bonnie, shoving Damon away. She cursed herself for revealing their relationship status.

“You didn’t want to leave. You keep making space in my closets,” Klaus said, pulling Bonnie back near him.

“I thought you liked me making space?” Bonnie questioned.

“I never wanted you to leave, my love.” Klaus corrected himself, noticing Bonnie was offended this time.

Caroline gasped, “Oh my God, she's been brainwashed.” That was the only explanation that made sense to her. She never expected her best friend to be so comfortable with the touch of a vampire. If Bonnie had any romantic feelings for Klaus, she should have confided in her best friends. Then maybe she wouldn't have fallen into the Originals’ arms. Caroline blamed herself for not checking in on Bonnie. Maybe she would have noticed Bonnie softening towards Klaus and convinced her to stay away from him.

“I can't be compelled and I'm not being brainwashed,” declared Bonnie with her hands on her hips, a bit offended by the insinuation. She liked spending time with Klaus and hated that her friends were being blindsided. This was not how she wanted them to find out.

Rolling his eyes, Damon snarked, “I expected you to be smarter than falling for Klaus' tricks.”

That couldn't have been further from the truth. This was the most genuine Klaus had ever been in a relationship. He had no need for tricks when it came to Bonnie. It was easy for her to connect with Klaus over their parents’ abandonment and neglect. She opened her heart to the enemy for he understood what her friends couldn't.

“Bonnie's intellect is far superior to all of you,” praised Klaus as he stepped behind Bonnie to wrap his arms around her waist. “You either accept we are together or die.”

Bonnie turned to face her lover and stare him down. “Klaus, you can't kill my friends.”

“Can I torture them?” he suggested,

thinking of all the ways he could bring them pain for the inevitable hurt they would cause Bonnie.

“NO.”

“What will you give me if I behave?”

Bonnie softly smiled and looked up at him through her long lashes. She flirted, “If you're on your best behavior, then-”

“Ugh, let's leave Judgy here to make googly eyes at this monster,” Damon interrupted with a scowl. He headed towards the exit, disgusted at the sight of the happy couple. “She'll come to her senses eventually.”

“If you don’t want me leaving things over I can take them home,” Bonnie offered, “Couples having space isn’t a bad thing.”

Klaus pulled Bonnie closer to him and kissed her lips. Space to him was a bad thing, it should never exist in a relationship as serious as theirs! Bonnie got lost in the kiss, loving the feeling of her boyfriend’s mouth on her own. Her best friends quietly left away confused about Bonnie's secret love life.

#bonnie bennett #klaus mikaelson #klonnie #the vampire diaries #tvd #bonnie x klaus #klaus x bonnie #klonnieweek2024

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farfromstrange · 10 months

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Do No Harm

CHAPTER ONE: Night Shift

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Summary: Matt has to accompany Foggy to the ER in the middle of the night because he dislocated his shoulder. In need for some peace and quiet, Matt wanders the halls of Metro General and instead finds you crying in one of the abandoned hallways. A conversation ensues.

Warnings for this chapter: Slight angst, mention of injury.

Word Count: 4.3k

A/n: My brain gets the strangest ideas for fics and then I have to write them or else I will go crazy. This is how this baby was born. Keep in mind, I’m not a doctor. I simply watch a lot of medical dramas and I like to research medical terms for the fun of it. Heed the warnings for the entire series (see Series Masterlist) but also chapter-specific warnings that apply, as seen above. I hope you enjoy!

Read Chapter 1: Night Shift here on AO3

Ever since he can remember, Matt has hated hospitals. The antiseptic scent that lingers in the air, the sterile white walls that seem to close in around him—it all brings back memories of days spent in agony, tied to an uncomfortable bed, and seeing nothing but an endless void of black.

He can only tune out so much. The stench, the sirens, and the overlapping voices in an emergency room—they could easily kill him.

Hospitals remind him of what he lost. He lost his vision, he lost his father and in the process, he lost his innocence. Matt lost everything, and even though he is well aware that it isn’t the hospital’s fault that he decided to save a man or that his father made a deal with the devil and got himself killed, he still hates the same empty walls that made him feel so small to begin with.

Matt doesn’t want to be a liability, he doesn’t want to be the reason the people he loves get hurt, and yet it continues to happen time and time again.

Maybe he’s cursed. It’s the only explanation for how things are going for him now. Maybe God has a grudge and finally decided to exercise his right to make his life a living hell. There is an infinite number of possibilities, but none of them make sense.

He’s the anti-hero of his own story and that of everyone else who has ever dared to let him into their lives. He’s his own worst enemy, his personal saboteur. His unwavering pride has a tendency to get in the way of his happiness, which often leads to more bad than good, but admitting that would leave him vulnerable and exposed—and he can’t let himself get hurt again.

It’s better to push the people he loves away before he can hurt them and force them to walk out on him the same way everyone else in his life has walked out on him ever since he can remember. At least in his twisted mind, that’s true.

He never thought he would find himself in Metro General again, not since Claire came into his life. Claire, the caring nurse who saved him when he was on death’s door and continued doing so until she realized that falling for the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen comes with its own set of risks.

Foggy dislocated his shoulder.

It’s almost laughable. Out of everyone, he chose Matt to come to the hospital with him. Not Karen, Matt. He had the choice between the most empathetic person either of them have ever met, and Matt, someone so far out of touch with his own feelings, living in denial has become the standard for him. Foggy chose the latter, for whatever reason he doesn’t even seem to know himself. It just felt like the most natural thing to do, he told Matt when he asked his best friend, “Why me?”

He should feel honored that he trusts him that much, but being trapped in the sterile four walls of the hospital he only connects bad memories to while Foggy is stuck in the queue for an X-ray feels more like torture than an honorable act.

The loud, demanding voices of the nurses, the painful groans and soft cries coming from the patients in the waiting area of the emergency room a few doors down, and the obnoxious beeping of the machines lining the walls in every room are like a swarm of bees in Matt’s inner ear. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t get them out. He’s allergic to them.

The room smells of disinfectant, blood, and other bodily fluids. He tries to focus on his cologne and the scentless laundry detergent he has grown so accustomed to over the years, but the balm only lasts for a few seconds before the wound reopens and his senses are flooded.

Matt keeps rhythmically tapping his fingers on his thigh. How much longer he can sit on this uncomfortable plastic chair in front of the radiology area and wait for Foggy to return, he doesn’t know. It won’t be long now until he loses his mind. He is about to drown in his own misery.

He feels the desperate urge to land his fist in the wall next to him. He wants to scream, cry, maybe even both—this night is not going well. He hasn’t had a good night in weeks. Tonight though, he’s stuck in the hospital rather than outside, doing something against the injustice he is forced to listen to every day.

The hits he took the previous night were pretty severe, and his ribs still hurt. The numb ache that tears through him whenever he moves is a temporary relief from the pain induced by the noise around him. Whatever bits of sanity he tries holding onto eventually slip through his fingers.

Eventually, he can’t take it anymore. He gets up, his head tilting toward Foggy’s elevated heartbeat. He’s still in line. Fifth, probably.

Matt taps his cane against the floor, making his way down the hallway. He’s not quite sure where he’s going or where he will land, he just knows that he needs to get out of there as fast as possible.

Rounding the hundredth corner of the evening, the sound of clattering metal trays and medical supplies disappears behind layers of drywall and automatic doors. Matt takes a moment, and he realizes that right here—right where he is now—he can finally breathe again.

The sound travels more easily. The air wafting through the vents and over the cotton sheets on a row of empty beds is the only sound that meets his ears. They’re lined against one side of the wall. The rooms are empty, the doors locked. It seems as if in a moment of desperation, he found his way to one of the abandoned parts of the hospital.

A lack of funding caused Metro General to cut their losses. It certainly wasn’t an easy decision, but with capitalism on the rise, public hospitals are barely holding on.

Even though the truth is depressing, Matt still can’t believe his luck when he realizes how quiet it is. That may be a selfish thought, but he can't help it. The world is always so loud and uncomfortable. Finding someplace quiet after torturing himself in the waiting room for hours feels like heaven on earth on such a busy night.

The fog dulling his senses finally dissipates. He takes a deep breath. The air is cleaner here. No disinfectant, only the faint scent of plastic and dust; he wouldn't have thought it possible that he would ever consider that combination a blessing.

That’s when he hears it—a slightly elevated heartbeat followed by a series of muffled sobs. He got so caught up in the fact that he finally found what he was looking for amidst the chaos that he forgot to fan out his hearing.

Despite what he originally believed, he isn’t alone.

The air smells of the salty essence of human tears. Matt stops dead in his tracks, not sure whether to continue his journey or to turn around and return to the uncomfortable plastic chair in front of the radiology department.

“This nervous breakdown space is occupied,” your soft voice bounces off the high walls. It’s thick with exhaustion. Pain. Loss. He almost recoils at the all-too-familiar feeling it elicits in him.

Matt keeps his cane hugged tight to his chest, his knuckles whitening with how hard he is gripping the base. “Oh, I...I’m sorry,” he says, careful to keep his voice light. “I didn’t catch you there.”

You’re essentially a stranger to him. A troubled one, at that. You must have your share of problems or you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be crying your eyes out. He doesn’t want to intrude, but he also can’t turn around. Not now, not anymore. You’ve already noticed him.

You sniffle, your hands wiping against the soft skin of your reddened cheeks. For a moment, your heartbeat picks up in speed before returning to its normal rhythm. “It’s alright,” you assure him.

Matt picks up on the faintest hint of disinfectant and the scent of antibacterial soap on you now, maybe a little blood, and definitely antiseptic laundry detergent—you’re wearing medical scrubs.

Your shampoo smells of vanilla and some herbal element he can’t quite identify just yet. Your perfume isn’t expensive, just enough to last through a long shift and filter the sweat that is seeping out of your pores. It’s not unpleasant. You smell like someone who’s been working hard and far past your limits, too.

“Do you need something?” you ask him.

He pauses for a moment, rethinking his answer. His lips purse. He’s not sure how to answer that without completely giving himself away.

Your eyebrows raise slightly.

“Oh, just…some peace and quiet,” Matt says, finally finding his voice again. It sounds a bit more nervous than he would like to admit.

The chuckle you exhale is one of surprise and possibly even a bit of genuine amusement. “Yeah,” you sniffle, “I know that feeling.”

“Well, I’ll, uh, leave you to it. Sorry again.”

“No. Don’t.”

Matt stops in his tracks when the words pass your lips.

You pat the space beside you. Your perfume becomes a little clearer. It’s so natural, so… you. He could get high off of it. Or maybe it’s just the sleep deprivation catching up to him.

“This is the only quiet corner in this hospital,” you tell him. “Trust me. Underfunding has its perks for introverts. Rest in peace to about thirty internal medicine beds, but lucky me.”

Your chuckle echoes bitterly off the walls. You use humor to cope, apparently, but you’ve run out of strength to pretend.

His cane begins to gently pave the way as he makes his way forward. “Do you mind?” Matt nods toward the bed you’re sitting on.

You pat the mattress again with a shake of your head. “Not at all.”

Gentle seems to be the one word that is consistent with everything you do. He can’t get this picture he has painted of you based on the sound of your voice out of his head. Maybe you’re an angel and he has officially gone insane, or maybe there are just a lot more good people left in this world than he originally thought.

Matt folds his cane and skillfully sits down on the edge of the mattress. You smell even better up close. Your heartbeat reminds him of a beautiful symphony, no longer as erratic as when he first picked up on your presence.

“I’m Matthew, by the way,” he says.

He can hear a sudden uptick in your heartbeat. He may have just imagined it. You suck in a sharp breath, and he’s sure he didn’t imagine that, but then you lift your hand to take his.

“Olivia,” you say.

Matt listens closely. You have no reason to lie about your name. Your heartbeat may be faster, but it isn’t a lie. You just seem a lot more nervous and unsure than before. It doesn’t quite make sense why you would be unsure about your own name.

“Nice to meet you, Olivia.” His lips curl into a soft smile.

You smile back, he can hear it, but it lacks an essence of truth. You’re trying hard to seem like you’re okay. It’s not your fault that his senses are sensitive to all changes in the human body, even in that of a stranger he just met.

You’ve been crying, so of course, you wouldn’t be alright. The question is, why?

“I take it you’re not part of the staff,” you say into the silence.

“No.” Matt chuckles. “I, uh, have a friend with a dislocated shoulder,” he says.

“Ah! Let me guess, his doctor in the ER reduced the dislocation but insisted on doing an X-ray just in case, so now you have to wait because radiology has a hold-up longer than the Nile?”

A laugh rumbles through his chest. “Yeah, that… that’s pretty accurate.”

“It’s always like this,” you say. “A dislocated shoulder doesn’t have priority. We have bigger fish to fry.”

“You work here?” he dares to ask.

You pull at the bottom of your scrub top. “Guilty as charged. Trauma surgery. I’ve been an attending here for a little over two years now.”

“Oh, wow! That’s…that’s incredible.”

Matt has encountered his fair share of doctors in the past, but no one has ever been quite like you. You’re unique. Mysterious. An enigma. You have piqued his curiosity, to say the least, and your profession only adds to the pile of interesting things he can ponder about.

You smile at him again, but it’s still not a genuine one. “Thanks,” you drag the last syllable out, the air deflating your lungs.

He swallows. “Or it isn’t. I didn’t mean to–”

“No, that’s not… some days just aren’t that rewarding,” you say. “That’s all.”

“And today has been one of those days?” Matt asks.

“Yeah, something like that.”

Your eyes roam over him once again.

He reaches for his hair, running his hand through it. He ruffles the brown strands until they’re covering his left temple. Matt’s not sure if you saw; there is a high chance that you did, but he can't anticipate your behavior. Not yet.

You let out a longer breath. “Not a fan of hospitals, I take it?” you ask.

He shakes his head. “It gets… loud,” he says.

“Sensitivity to sound.” You nod. “Noted.”

He hears the fabric of your scrubs brushing against your skin and the cotton sheets on the bed. You cross your legs, opening yourself up to him just slightly, and he wonders if you really are comfortable around him or if you’re just being kind.

“Probably to smell as well? Feeling? Taste?” There is a soft smile laced in your voice. This time, it’s real.

Matt chuckles. You hit the nail right on the head. You’re simply not aware of how sensitive he is to these things. “Pretty sensitive, yeah,” he says.

That about sums it up. You nod, but you don’t push him any further.

“Well,” you say, “The ER is pretty disgusting. And loud. And to be forced to wait in front of radiology is probably a scenario they offer as a torture device in one of the seven circles of hell.”

He can’t help himself, “It’s nine, actually.”

“Sorry?”

“Nine circles,” Matt clarifies, his lips twitching in a faint grin. “Dante’s Inferno. A good Catholic boy’s guilty pleasure.”

You let out a genuine laugh this time, and it warms his senses. It’s a rare sound in a place filled with so much pain. He can almost hear the weight from your shoulders hit the floor. The tension in the air seems to ease, if only for a moment. You allow to let yourself go.

Your grin turns into a smirk. “Catholic, huh?” you retort.

“Since the day I was born,” he says. “Are you religious?”

That seems to steal your breath away. You have no words. For a full minute, silence settles in between the two of you. It’s almost uncomfortable, and Matt fears he must have crossed a line. He just doesn’t know how to apologize for something he is truly curious about.

The topic of God and religion seems to hit a nerve when it’s not used in a humorous context. There are many reasons why that could be. He spends every day battling his own religious trauma and the demons that he feels he’s harboring deep inside, but he still holds on tight to his faith. If he doesn’t have an excuse—if he doesn’t have anything to hold onto other than what broken self-respect he has left—where would he be?

You finally clear your throat after what feels like an eternity. “No,” it’s a simple answer. “I don’t believe that there is a God.”

Your mouth stays open. You want to say something else, but your lips close within seconds after the thought has passed by you, and you swallow it. He wonders what he could have learned about you if you had allowed yourself to say what you were truly thinking when the words first left your mouth. You’re holding back, and it is audible. It might even be visible. Your cheeks are running hot.

Matt nods. He doesn’t question you. Your beliefs are yours. Most of the time, he doesn’t even believe that there is a God himself.

“It’s hard to keep the faith in this world, especially when you work so hard every day trying to save people’s lives. When you are forced to see what the system does to those who can’t defend themselves over and over again, but you can’t do anything about it. Or when you see what people do to each other. I mean, the cruelty of human beings is unmatched, and it makes you wonder if God is just a sadist, or if maybe he isn’t even real because a gracious God wouldn’t let innocent children die,” you cut yourself off in an instant, and he tilts his head toward you in surprise.

Your breath shudders. “I… I’ve seen too much bad to believe that there is an all-merciful God,” you say. “So I simply don’t.”

You try to meet his eyes, but all you see is your reflection in the red of his rounded glasses. Your heart breaks a little, he can hear it. Your shoulders slump. You’re defeated.

He isn’t sure how to react to that. How to help. How to be a decent human being. Matt just doesn’t have the answers you need, and it makes him question his own faith for a minute. Not that he has ever not questioned it; his relationship with God is as complicated as it gets.

You catch yourself after a moment of staring into the void of his glasses. “But… that’s my opinion. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“I’m not offended,” Matt says.

You were smiling, and now you’re not anymore. He doesn’t like that. He liked it more when you were more open with him. Your legs have moved back to your chest, your arms clinging to them. You’ve retreated.

“Sorry,” you whisper. The edge in your voice breaks his heart.

He shakes his head. “Don’t apologize. I get it. Injustice…it’s a parasite. I’ve encountered my fair share of good people who deserved better than what they got. You try and you fail over and over again because the world isn't fair. I’d be the last person to judge you for not sharing my beliefs.” He breaks off in a chuckle. “I'm not that kind of guy.”

Your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline. “What is that you do again?” You didn’t ask that question before.

“I’m a lawyer,” he states. “Defense attorney.”

“Wow,” you let out a soft puff of air, “And you chose to go to Metro General instead of jumping on the big money train to the Upper East Side?”

Although your tone is joking, Matt can tell that there is an ounce of truth in your words.

He hides his laugh behind a cough. He’s not sure if he’s surprised or if he actually finds that assumption hilarious. Maybe a bit of both.

“Oh, no.” He shakes his head. “I have never even been in the same station as the big money train.”

“Oh?”

“No. We, my partner and I, do pro-bono work. We don't get paid for our services. Well, other than baked goods and overdue bills in the mail, of course.”

You chuckle. “That’s a relief. Not so much for your bank account, but ethically.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry for assuming. That was prejudiced of me,” you say. “I’m not trying to judge you. I’m sorry. Rich or not, it’s none of my business.”

Matt shrugs. “It's okay. Lawyers and doctors are the two professions so many think make millions of Dollars a year, and while that may be the case for a few, a lot of us just… don’t,” he says.

“Amen! If I had a drink, I’d toast to that.”

“Yeah, well, an intoxicated doctor would not fare well in the legal sense.”

“You think that would end my career?”

“I can’t even give you good legal advice other than, don’t.”

Your giggle turns into a laugh. “Thank you for the advice, counselor.”

He joins in. “Anytime.”

For a moment, only the two of you exist. Matt adjusts his position, but he doesn’t take his bruised ribs into account. His wince is barely audible, yet you notice it in an instant. And when his hair slips, you can see the gash on his forehead. The one he tried to stitch up himself but probably did an awful job at concealing.

Your eyes narrow in concern. “What happened to you?” your voice barely breeches the sound barrier.

“Oh, nothing,” he tries to shrug it off. “Just an accident.”

“An accident?”

“I am blind, you know. I tripped, hit my head. It happens.”

“Hm.” Much to his surprise, you don’t press him further. Instead, you gently reach out to brush the sweaty strand of hair from his face that he used to cover up the aftermath of his latest endeavor.

Now that he thinks about it, his ribs really do hurt. He’s sure nothing is broken, but they are severely bruised. Even he can feel the blood pooling under the skin.

You bite your lip, not wanting to pry. The urge is obvious to him, but only to him. You’re good at your job. You focus on the task at hand. That is probably why you became a doctor in the first place; to help people, not to pry.

But Matt Murdock doesn’t need help.

“It’s fine,” he assures you.

You nod. “I believe you.”

You don’t. You’re lying. He appreciates the effort though. You try your best at making him feel comfortable and welcome. Asking questions would only drive him away; you wouldn’t be able to satiate your pathological need to help. It’s who you are.

“Whoever patched this up did a terrible job,” you say, “and I don’t want to know who did it because if you tell me it was you, I will lose my mind, so, I choose to believe you for the sake of my own sanity.”

His lips part in a soft laugh. “Yeah, you don't wanna know,” he says.

“Can I fix it?"

He opens his mouth to decline, “You don’t have to, I–”

“Please.”

There is no arguing with you, it seems.

Your footsteps echo in the empty hallway. One of the drawers in the cart across from the bed slides open at your touch. Matt can hear the distinct crinkle of packaging and the clanking of metal. When you return to his side, your steps are a little heavier.

“I’m going to clean the wound and then apply a butterfly bandage to help the skin grow back together,” you explain. “The cut isn't that deep, but you must’ve hit your head pretty hard when you fell. I can’t force you to get a head CT, so… If you experience any nausea or neurological deficits in the next few days, you should come back to run some tests. But—and that is not my expert medical opinion because I don’t have the tests to back it up—I think it should be fine to heal on its own.”

“Any other advice, Doc?” he jokes.

“Well, I can’t give the same good news about your bruised ribs.” You only have to place your hand on his side and his lips come to press tightly together. “I’m guessing third and fourth,” you say. “If one of them is fractured, it makes you run at risk for internal bleeding, but to see the extent of your injuries, we’d have to get an MRI. That is not my call to make. I can’t force you to get your battle scars checked out, I can just advise you to think about it. Really think about it.”

Matt sighs. His laughter has long died. “I know.”

He doesn’t want to repeat himself. He’s fine. He has to pretend that he’s fine because he doesn’t have time for doctors or questions. Neither you nor the law can protect him from the damage that the truth would do.

You’re disappointed, but you swallow your pride. With delicate precision, you start cleaning the wound on his forehead, the cotton swab dabbing at the dried blood. He winces at the sting of antiseptic, a subtle twitch in response to the pain.

“Sorry,” you murmur.

Matt manages a half-smile. “It’s alright. I’ve had worse.”

That doesn’t make you feel better, but you accept it. You’ve learned to respect your patients’ wishes, even if that means swallowing a lie.

As you work, your fingers graze over his skin with a careful tenderness. It’s a stark contrast to the harshness of the world he navigates outside—a double-edged sword. If he doesn’t go out there, more people die or get hurt. He would sustain the same injuries over and over again and almost die rather than pretend that evil isn’t lurking right outside his window every night. And there is a bigger storm brewing in the distance, one he isn’t fully prepared for.

Yet.

You finish cleaning the wound and proceed to carefully apply a fresh bandage. Matt can feel the cool adhesive against his skin. Your touch is soothing, almost comforting, and he allows himself to relax.

“There,” you announce softly. “All patched up.”

Matt lifts his hand to touch the bandage, a habit he developed over the years to reassure himself that someone cared enough to tend to his wounds. “Thank you,” he answers.

“No biggie.” You shrug with a tiny smile, and that makes him smile, too. It shows him that while you are displeased with his lack of respect for himself and his health, you aren’t mad at him. You just care.

The shrill beeping of your pager tears a headache through his skull.

You curse under your breath. “I’m so sorry,” you say as you skim over the text that has been sent to you. “The, uh—the ER needs me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he quickly responds.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Go. Save a life!”

You’re reluctant at first, but then your lips curl into a broader, more genuine smile, and in the heat of the moment, you grab his hand. “It was nice meeting you, Matthew,” you say. “Take care of yourself.”

Your footsteps retreat and your heartbeat gets fainter as you walk down the hallway. He’s speechless. He doesn’t even remember how to say goodbye.

“Oh, and do me a favor?” You stop momentarily just to ask him, “Get those ribs checked out?”

His mouth opens and closes like that of a fish on dry land. “Sure,” he says.

“Thank you,” these are your last words to him before you take off running.

Both of you know though that once he is out of Metro General and on his way home, he won’t come back. Not for himself, at least. And it is something you have to accept as much as he has to accept the fact that you are long gone, off to save a life in the very four walls that seemed so scary to him all alone only fifteen minutes ago.

Tag List: @shiorimakibawrites @allllium @siampie @auroraslibrary @roseallisonparker @abucketofweird @thatonegamefish @capylore @kniselle @sumo-b98 @peachstarliight @littlehappyperson @danzer8705

#matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x f!reader #daredevil x reader #matt murdock x you #doctor!reader #medical drama #matt murdock angst #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock imagines #charlie cox #do no harm

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m1ckeyb3rry · 3 months

Note

Hello! Recently read your latest Rin piece and fell in love with your writing style :)

If you’re up for it, could I request childhood friends with Hiori? Sorry it’s a little vague, but I love the direction you’ve taken other pieces and wanted to leave the details up to you! My only suggestion on a detail would be maybe sprinkling in some light angst about his parents/backstory.

Thank you for considering!

── WHITE BUTTERFLY

Synopsis: You spend the years of your youth with Yo Hiori, in a field that’s almost lonely as the two of you.

Event Masterlist

Pairing: Hiori x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 6.7k

Content Warnings: childhood friends, hiori is vaguely suicidal and also vaguely homicidal, uhh i feel like i know nothing about him as a character so popping that sexy little ooc warning in there jic, open ending, lots of #nature, almost the entire story takes place in a field so idk, hiori is like. madly in love w reader but he’s nonchalant abt it

A/N: thank you so much anon that means a lot!! cherry tree rin and y/n are so silly (<- affectionate) i’m glad you enjoyed that fic 💖 one thing about me i love a good childhood friends to lovers trope especially with angst…hiori is another character i haven’t written a ton for so i hope i interpreted him correctly and that you like what i decided to do with your prompt!! ty for requesting 🫶🏻

Additional: part of my 500 follower event! see the event description and rules to make a request of your own.

The field across from your house was melancholic and desolate, an acre or so of rolling green that bled into trees at the edges. Although by all rights it should’ve been considered a picturesque place, no amount of beauty could take away from the abandoned atmosphere which had long ago settled over the land.

According to your parents, there had been plans for a grand mansion to be built in that location, but before drafts for its construction could be drawn up, the owner had died. The son who had inherited it had no use for the plot, but neither could he be brought to sell the place of his father’s dreams, so the land had sat empty and unused for years upon years.

People thought the area was cursed, and the general consensus was that it ought to be avoided, but your parents did not believe in things like curses and bad luck and whatnot, so they told you it was fine if you wanted to play there. You were a lonely child, prone to wandering off on your own anyways, and you supposed they must’ve reasoned to themselves that it’d be easier if you were close enough that you could run home should something happen.

You would sit in the middle of the field, far from any prying eyes, and you’d admire the blooming plants beneath your feet. It was not just grass — there were a million and one varieties of things growing in that wild place, and you would run your fingers along their leaves, doing your best not to frighten the animals and insects which called that field their home.

They grew accustomed to you with time, and instead of shying away, they invited you into their own world. The squirrels and chipmunks would dash out from their trees to scuttle around your feet and splayed hands, while the dormice would peek out of their burrows without fear, nibbling on whatever seeds they had gathered before settling in for the day. The larks would warble to you, and if you were in a particularly cheery mood, you’d whistle back to them, trying to imitate their melodies but always falling a little short.

The third time you went to the field, you found that someone had arrived before you. For a moment, you thought that he must be a ghost, for he stood in such stark contrast to everything you had come to know that there was no other reasonable explanation for it. He was spindly and pale like a skeleton, and his shaggy hair and eyes were the color of winter, such an unnatural shade compared to the viridian he was surrounded by.

You were contemplating running away when he turned around, his eyes widening when he saw you. In his hands was a soccer ball, and resting on the soccer ball was a large white butterfly, its lazily flapping wings shimmering like a whisper in the sunlight.

You were both silent for a moment, a soft breeze rustling through the field and sounding like a song that urged you towards him despite your misgivings. Tentatively, he held the ball out towards you, but the motion startled the butterfly, which abruptly took to the air, fluttering away before either of you could react.

“Who are you?” you said.

“Yo Hiori,” he said. “Who are you?”

“Y/N L/N,” you said. “I live in the house across the street.”

“We’re neighbors, then,” he said. “My house is a few doors down from yours. Do you come here often?”

“Yes,” you said. “Do you?”

He shook his head ruefully. “This is the first time. My parents think I’m practicing soccer right now.”

“You shouldn’t do that here,” you said, frowning at the thought of him kicking up dirt and slamming a ball around carelessly through your sanctuary. “Go somewhere else if you want to play something so reckless.”

“I don’t,” he said. You furrowed your brow. “Don’t want to practice soccer, I mean.”

“I see,” you said. “Well, this is a good place to run to if that’s the case. No one will come looking for you here.”

“Is that the truth?” he said. “Really?”

“Really,” you said. “Everyone thinks it’s cursed, but in truth, I think that that just means it’s blessed.”

“Ah,” Hiori said. “But do you mind?”

“Do I mind what?” you said.

“If I keep coming here,” he said. “When I want to run away.”

“It doesn’t belong to me. I suppose you could say I belong to it, but that’s neither here nor there. No, I can’t stop you, so why would I mind?” you said.

“Are you some sort of woodland fairy?” he said. You laughed aloud.

“I wish. Are you a ghost?” you said. He shook his head.

“Nope,” he said.

“Then I guess our claims to this place are equal,” you said. “Anyways, as long as you don’t disturb it too much, I won’t be angry. I’ll do the same for you, don’t worry.”

“I don’t care what you do to it,” he said. “I just want to go somewhere that’s quiet and I can be left alone.”

This much you could understand, and you thought that perhaps Hiori would grow to be an exception to your loneliness, or an addition to it. Not a cure, because that did not exist, but a person who could relish in his own solitude and share in that inexplicable sensation which was your greatest joy.

You never saw him anywhere but in that field. You weren’t sure if he even existed outside of its context, or if he was like the dormice and the larks, a skittish creature who made his home in those grassy divots and only appeared to greet you before running back off to hide once you were gone.

At first, he was even more reserved than the animals had been. Neither of you spoke, but somehow, it happened that you were always in the same place at the same time, and eventually, little by little, the two of you became dependent on one another’s presence. Your life before meeting Hiori was pale and lifeless in comparison to your life after, and the first time you both spoke as friends instead of strangers, you thought to yourself that you could never go back to the way you had previously been.

No longer did you whistle at birds and play with squirrels; instead, you sat across from Hiori and listened to him explain things like soccer and video games. You were not particularly interested in either of these subjects, but as long as it was Hiori, you didn’t mind hearing about them. It was the cadence of his voice you were concerned with, the rise and fall of his words, the soft inflections of each syllable.

You had never had a friend before. It was a personal choice rather than a failing; every person who tried to engage with you was met with the same disdain, for you found no appeal in any such clumsy attempts at camaraderie. In your childish mind, friendship ought to be hard-won and delicately kept, and so it remained that of all the people in the world, Hiori was the only one whose honest company you could prefer.

He was a forlorn and low-spirited boy, the winter to your bursting summer, but his coldness was the inviting sort, like a dusting of snow on a cluster of berries or frost on a forgotten bird’s nest. It did not ward you away but drew you in, your breath fogging in the air as you lay beside him and listened to him ramble on and on about whatever topics struck his fancy.

Sometimes he was prone to muteness, and on those occasions you took it upon yourself to intertwine your fingers with his, pulling him along behind you and naming every plant and tree and flower you passed by, greeting the tittering chipmunks and the cooing larks and the peeping rabbits. He would not say anything, but you knew he was listening, for he would smile slightly whenever you pointed at something he found particularly pleasing.

Every day, he would bring the soccer ball with him. He refused to put it down, but neither did he play with it or even acknowledge its existence; you sensed it vexed him, that it was the source or a symptom of the gloomy undercurrent which ran through his life, but he could not let it go, just like he could never truly be happy in any way that lasted.

“Y/N,” he said once, when you and he were lying on your backs in the grass and watching the clouds drift by. “If you could be any other creature, what would you be?”

“I don’t know,” you said, considering the question seriously. “Maybe a songbird. What about you?”

“I’d be one of those,” he said, pointing at a butterfly floating past. It was a common variety, nondescript and plain and white, but somehow made more beautiful by the ubiquity of its kind.

“Why?” you said.

“I’d live a short but carefree life, and then I would die before anyone could demand anything from me,” he said, smiling slightly and closing his eyes. “Plus, if I could be something as small and pretty as a butterfly in our meadow, then I would be able to spend my entire existence resting on your finger.”

Your meadow. You weren’t sure when it had gone from being a place you visited to a place you owned, but yes, the shift had definitely occurred. You and Hiori loved it, and so it was yours by that right alone. You reached out your hand, setting it on his heart and then closing your own eyes in a mirror of his position.

“I wouldn’t prefer that,” you said. Something cool and soft curled over your fingers; you knew without looking that it was Hiori’s own hand, which would always come to rest against yours like a magnet.

“Hm,” he said.

“I’d get used to you being there,” you explained. “And then one day you’d vanish and I’d be alone again.”

“Would you miss me?” he said.

“Very much,” you said.

“Nobody else would,” he admitted, though he still spoke in an even monotone. “I’d be replaced quickly. Someone just as talented or even better would take my place, and then it’d be like I was never there in the first place.”

“I’d miss you,” you insisted. “I don’t care about talent. You’re someone who’s irreplaceable to me.”

“I see,” he said. “Then I guess, if not a butterfly, I would also want to be a songbird. Like you.”

“We could fly around the world together,” you said.

“Yes,” he said. “The countries I’ve seen in my video games…we could go to them. If we were birds, we could.”

“Maybe we still can,” you said.

“We can’t,” he said. “My parents would never let me.”

“What about when we’re adults? They can’t tell you what to do then, so we can leave them behind and travel wherever we want,” you said.

“It’s a nice dream,” he said.

“Hold onto it,” you said. “That’s the only way it can ever come true.”

“Okay,” he said. “I will.”

Even as you and Hiori became older and made friends outside of one another, there was a sort of solace which only he could provide you and which in turn only you could provide him, so neither of you ever outgrew that field. The moment you got home from school, you’d drop your bag on the counter and run there as fast as you could, hoping to see him before he had to leave for soccer practice. And every time, without fail, he’d be there, waiting where he always was, his small smile widening when he saw you racing towards him.

The contents of your conversations changed, moving from games and plants to complaining about schoolwork and updating one another about your respective social lives and dramas — he went to a private academy for soccer, while you attended the public school that most kids your age went to — but the familiarity never diminished. If anything, it only increased, as any inhibitions you had had in your youths gradually fell away.

“Hiori! You’ll never believe it,” you said, moving his abandoned soccer ball aside and sitting across from him. He did not look up from the pieces of grass he was braiding together, but he nodded to indicate he was listening. “Remember those two guys I was telling you about?”

“The ones who had a crush on the same girl?” he said.

“Yup, those two,” you said. “They finally got into a fistfight over her! It was crazy.”

“Who won?” he said.

“The principal, because he broke up the brawl and suspended them both,” you said. “Thereby ruining their brief romance-novel-moment entirely.”

“That’s a pity,” he said with a snort. “I can’t imagine what possessed them to do something as stupid as beating each other up on school grounds.”

“Love makes people crazy,” you said dramatically, pressing the back of your hand to your forehead and collapsing backwards into the dirt. “You’ll understand when you feel it yourself, silly Hiori.”

“Huh?” he said.

“I mean, one day, you’ll fall madly in love with someone, and then you’ll be inclined to beat another person up for them,” you said.

“What if I already have?” he said. You shot up with a gasp.

“And you didn’t tell me? Who is it? Who, who? You can’t hide stuff like that!” you said.

“It was only a hypothetical,” he said. “There isn’t anyone. What about you? Are you madly in love with someone?”

“You’ll be the first to know when I am, but at the moment, I don’t find myself able to even tolerate any of the boys I go to school with! They’re all disgusting, immature, and insensitive. Just looking at them is enough to make me gag, so forget about falling in love!” you said.

“That sucks,” he said.

“Maybe I’ll be single forever,” you said. “I’ll live alone, with pets and a porch swing and a backyard just like this field, somewhere faraway where no one can find me.”

“What about me?” he said, taking your wrist and tying the braided grass around it like a bracelet.

“Well, I’ll tell you where I am, of course,” you said. “You’re the only one I would want as a visitor.”

“I’ll come every day,” he said.

“At that point, you might as well just live there with me,” you said, rolling your eyes. “It’d save you the time spent traveling back and forth.”

“Would you like me to?” he said. “I thought the point was for you to be alone.”

“If it’s you, then it wouldn’t be so bad,” you said. “Being with you is even better than being alone.”

The sun hit Hiori at the exact moment that he grinned at you, and in the back of your mind, where things were understood but not known, you recognized that of all the beings in that lovely place, he was far and away the loveliest.

A distant and rumbling thunder portended a storm on the day you learned who Hiori really was. He never went to the field if it was raining — there was no excuse for him to escape his home, and so, though you did not much mind the weather, you tended to keep to your room on those days as well. Today, though, the rain was still only a blot on the horizon, which meant you would have a precious few minutes with him before it began to pour and you had to leave again.

“Hey, Hiori,” you said. In an uncharacteristic move, he wasn’t holding onto the soccer ball; instead, it was on the ground, his foot resting atop it, his head bowed towards it and his hands balled into fists at his sides. He glanced up at you, and you were surprised to see that there was a dead, hollow quality to his eyes, which, though always placid and still, were never this shade of dark and dreary. “Is everything okay?”

“Have you ever wanted to kill someone?” he said.

“No,” you said immediately, taken aback. “Have you?”

“No,” he said. “Yes. I’m not sure. I don’t want to do it, but somehow, I want my parents to die.”

Another crack of thunder. You approached Hiori slowly, like he was a deer that would leap away the instant you were close enough to touch him. But he was not a deer, and he stayed preternaturally immobile, his harsh panting the only signal that he was a person and not a statue.

“Do you mean that?” you said when you were near enough to him that you could’ve embraced him if you wanted. “Is that really how you feel, Hiori?”

“Yes,” he said vehemently. “Yes, I mean it more than anything. Everything would be better if they would just die and leave me alone.”

He drew his leg back and slammed it into the ball. It streaked through the field, leaving a muddy rut in its wake, tearing up the grass and the flowers before crashing into a tree with a groan. You stared at the path of devastation it had wrought, wondering how such an innocent object could create such havoc, how such a simple act could have such irreversible consequences.

“That’s what soccer is,” he said when he had caught his breath and noticed your silence. “A tiring game you play to ruin yourself.”

“I thought you liked playing soccer,” you said. “You always told me how good you were at it.”

“Just because I’m good at it doesn’t mean I like it,” he said. “I hate it almost as much as I hate the people that make me play it.”

“Then why do you keep going?” you said. “Why don’t you quit?”

“Because I have to,” he said. “My parents gave birth to me so that I could play soccer and be the best at it. That’s the only role I know how to conform to, so how can I do anything but accept it?”

You wrapped one arm and then the other around his torso, leaning your temple against the dip of his collarbone, turning your back to the blight he had caused and holding onto him as lightning split the sky.

“Don’t ruin yourself,” you said. “Don’t betray who you are because other people tell you to. If you don’t want to play soccer, then don’t. Quit and leave it behind. Maybe everyone else will mock you, but would it be enough if I didn’t? If I alone swore not to think any less of you, then would you be able to do it?”

“No,” he said. Something dripped onto your head, and you thought it had started raining early until you realized that Hiori’s voice was catching on nothing, his heart beating as fast as a mouse’s. “No, it wouldn’t be enough. I have to play soccer.”

“Why?” you said.

“My parents,” he said. “If I don’t play soccer — no, if I’m not good at soccer, they’ll divorce. They’ll divorce and it’ll be my fault, so I have to keep doing it, because no matter how much I hate them, I can’t be — I can’t be the reason that they — that anything bad happens to them.”

The droplets came in quicker succession, but with a final clap of thunder, the sky opened to let the rain out, blurring the line between his tears and the natural precipitation which would’ve occurred whether or not you were there.

You didn’t know what to say to him, so you opted to say nothing, pressing into him for as long as you could before you both had to go, leaving one another behind as you were always forced to. Now, though, there was a proof of your existence in the shape of that ugly gash that his soccer ball had torn into the field, an alteration which was directly a consequence of your actions. In a season or two, it would be grown over, but for the time being, it cheered you to think that the world could no longer avoid acknowledging you, acknowledging that you and Hiori were real, that you were alive and belonged.

In your second year of high school, a boy in your class came up to you, stopped you in the hallway in front of everyone and thrust a bouquet of supermarket flowers into your hands. He asked you to read the attached card, and you obliged, though you had a feeling you already knew what it said.

As you had predicted, it was an invitation to have lunch with him sometime. His cheeks were red and his smile was wide as he waited for you to say yes, but all you could think of when you looked at him was Hiori. How would he feel about this turn of events? Would he be amused or jealous or unfazed entirely? Would it even matter to him? Why were you thinking of him at a time like this?

No, that last question was one you knew the answer to already. The reason why you were thinking of Hiori was the same reason you still went to that field to see him, even though you were far too old to play with mice and birds and clovers now. It was the same reason that you recoiled from any other boy who tried to talk to you — because they were not him, they could never be him. It was because — it was because —

Much to the consternation of the audience you had unwillingly gathered, you handed the card and flowers back to the boy, shaking your head as politely as you could. There was a demand for an explanation on the tip of his tongue, but you left before he could make it. The explanation was not one you wanted to share, so you covered your ears with your hands to drown out the insults he shouted after you and strode away before he could say anything worse.

Hiori was always the first to arrive and the last to leave, so it was no surprise that he was waiting for you where he always was. Today, though, you did not bother with formalities or welcomes or lighthearted questions. You paid no mind to his antsy demeanor, instead catching his hands between your own and squeezing them.

“Y/N—”

“Hiori—”

You both called out each other’s names at the same time, with the same urgency, though there was a layer of despair when he said Y/N, just as there was pleading infused into the way you murmured Hiori.

“You first,” he said, though he looked over your shoulder, staring towards the road instead of at you. “Quickly.”

“Okay,” you said. “A boy asked me out.”

“Oh,” he said, and when his gaze slid onto you, you noticed that for the first time, there was something flaring to life in the blank depths of his irises, a veritable maelstrom of unreadable emotions twisting together and blending into something entirely other than the stillness you had come to expect from him. “What did you say?”

“I refused,” you said. “I couldn’t date him, not in good conscience. Not when I like — not when there’s someone else.”

“Someone else?” he said. “Y/N, please hurry.”

“What’s the matter?” you said, letting go of his hands so that you could instead hold his face. “Hiori, what’s wrong? Did something happen? Are you in trouble with your soccer team? Is that stupid crow boy causing you problems?”

“What? No, no, Karasu’s not done anything worse than usual. It’s my parents, I think they’re growing suspicious of me, I’m afraid they’ll—”

“It’s you,” you said, cutting him short, his haste rubbing off on you. You weren’t sure whether it was his anxiety or your own or some sort of divine premonition, but you suddenly felt an impending doom, as if you had to speak at that exact instant or give up the chance to ever say it again. “Hiori, you’re the reason I said no. It’s because I like you.”

Hiori, who had carved his way into your heart on the very first day you met, who was fond of butterflies and songbirds, who was bashful like winter and gentle like dusk. How could you help it? Of course you liked him. That boy who had reached into the lonely chasm of your soul and ripped it out, turned it into something lighter and warmer and whole…how could you help falling for him?

“Me?” he said in disbelief. “But—”

“So this is where you go, Yo,” a stern voice said. Hiori inhaled sharply, and then he yanked away from you, shoving you behind him, though it was far too late. You knew who had finally found the two of you, and furthermore, there was no way she hadn’t seen you. “This doesn’t look like practicing soccer. How much time have you been wasting in this dump, with this fool of a girl?”

You peered around Hiori’s back, holding onto the hem of his shirt. Fear constricted your throat when you saw a woman who bore an uncanny resemblance to him standing before you, her hands on her hips, a dour expression on her face. Whatever had been sparkling in Hiori at your confession had abruptly disappeared, replaced by an even more severe version of himself.

“It’s not a big deal,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. “We just met recently.”

“Not a big deal? Think about how much better at soccer you would be if you actually spent this time practicing instead of messing around! A few minutes every day is the difference between starting for a team and being a substitute, because a few minutes every day turns to hours every week, which turns into days lost every month! You should be ashamed of yourself,” his mother said, marching over and grabbing him by the collar, wrenching him away from you. “From now on, I’ll be supervising your additional practice time. As for you, young lady…don’t even think of coming near him again. He doesn’t need distractions like you getting in the way of his ultimate goal.”

“His ultimate goal?” you said, your audacity surprising even yourself. Without Hiori’s shadow to hide you, you were entirely naked and exposed, but somehow, you found the strength in you to speak up. “What, of being the world’s best soccer player? Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe he doesn’t want that anymore, if he ever did?”

His mother scowled at you. “You are a poison of the worst sort, if you have him doubting what he’s been aiming for since he was young. Stay away from my son. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

She dragged Hiori away before either of you could manage so much as a goodbye. It was the first time since you had met him that you found yourself alone in that field, which suddenly felt so vast that you finally understood why people thought it to be cursed. It had to be, because why else would it have given you Hiori and then taken him away with such a swiftness that it left you reeling?

For a week, you continued to go to the field, just in case he would magically be there, but it was a foregone conclusion that he would not be. Still, you waited, and though the larks sang their songs and the dormice chittered at you sweetly, nothing could set your spirits right when Hiori remained missing.

On the eighth day you spent without him, you didn’t even bother with the field. Instead, you knocked on every door of every house in your small neighborhood, continuing on until the one who answered was the same woman who had stolen Hiori from you.

She remembered you, her expression turning sour at your appearance, like you had shoved a lemon into her mouth. Shockingly, though, she did not slam the door in your face. She only cleared her throat before speaking in the most abrasive voice you had ever had the misfortune of hearing.

“What is it?” she said.

“Hiori — Yo, is he around? I just want to see him one last time. I’ll leave him alone after that if you refuse to budge, but at least let me say goodbye. I won’t ever distract him again if you give me that chance,” you said.

“If I gave you even the slightest leeway, you’d pounce upon it, won’t you? I’m not so daft. I’m sure that, if I let you in now, you’d never leave. In the end, though, it’s irrelevant. Yo’s gone,” she said.

“Gone?” you said. “What do you mean?”

“He’s participating in a soccer training camp called Blue Lock,” his mother said. “The way they raise their players is what his father and I been trying to impress upon him from the start, so we’re glad he made the choice himself to go. Now, he can focus on his own self-improvement instead of brief dalliances that would never last.”

Hiori was gone. There was a deep ache in you, and those words were its source, yet nonetheless, for him, you could only muster up pride. He had finally done it. He had flown somewhere free of the burdens his parents placed on him; to be sure, it was defined by the soccer he despised, but nonetheless he had made the decision to do it on his own. It belonged to him, and he had spent so long without anything to his name but a deserted green that you laughed as you sobbed, leaving him behind for good.

A long time passed before you saw him again, though you watched all of his matches on TV. He had become someone different and yet still familiar while in the Blue Lock program — he was sharper now, sharper and quicker, his eyes constantly burning in the same way they had on the day he had left you. Most notably, you thought that that childish love for soccer which he had had and then lost had blossomed again, now into a stable, unshakeable passion which no one, not even his parents, could take from him.

You had probably also changed, though of course it was harder to recognize it in yourself than in another person. But you were not so sparing with your offers of friendship anymore, and neither were you harsh to every boy who approached you. With Hiori gone, the only reservations you had were feeble and pointless, so you stopped saying no quite as often.

Nothing ever came of these school-type romances. Inevitably, you’d walk home and your eyes would stray to the spot where you had spent so much of your childhood with Hiori, whereupon you would pull out your phone and send a formulaic apology message. Sorry, but it’s not working. There’s nothing wrong with you, but I don’t think we’re a good match for each other. Thanks for taking me out. I really appreciate it.

The longer it became, the less frequently you thought about him. He turned into a memory, fuzzy around the edges with nostalgia and tinged with gold. He was someone you claimed to know around those with a more vested interest in soccer, but deep inside, you had accepted that your path had diverged from his a long time ago. You and Hiori weren’t meant to sit beside one another for eternity; he had been there when you needed him, but it was time for you to stand on your own, as he was clearly doing all of the way over in Blue Lock.

“I can’t believe you’ve finally graduated high school!” your mother said, sniffing as she took a million photos of you standing awkwardly, your diploma in your hands, your gown hanging loosely on your body and the pins holding up your cap jabbing into your scalp. “We’re so proud of you, dear.”

“Next stop, Tokyo!” your father said, swiping at the tears which rolled shamelessly down his cheeks.

You had been accepted into the University of Tokyo, and at the end of the summer, you would move into your own apartment, leagues away from everything you had known for your entire life. It was exciting, but it was also terrifying, because the thought of being all alone in the bustling metropolis still made you break into a cold sweat.

Now that you had officially graduated, it all seemed so much more real. Going to Tokyo, attending university, getting a job and supporting yourself…these were not dreams of a distant future but immediate and pressing concerns that weighed on you.

Once you became a university student and then an adult proper, you visited home less and less. You hardly had the time, and anyways there wasn’t much to do in that town, so instead your parents would take trips up to visit you when they missed you terribly — which was often. They would update you on the happenings of your neighbors, and you would take them to your favorite restaurants and attractions, like they were foreign tourists coming to the country for the first time.

“You know, they finally finished construction on that plot across from our house,” your mother said to you on one such visit, taking a sip of bubble tea to punctuate the outrageous statement. There were streaks of gray in her hair now, and far more lines on her face than there had been when you were younger, but she wore the signs of age with grace and dignity, so that they were weapons instead of faults.

“You never told me someone bought it,” you said. So that was that, then; the last remnants of your tender friendship with a boy you had not spoken to in years was all but destroyed now. It belonged to another person, who would make their own memories on the land, and the thought of two other people standing where you and Hiori once had caused a lump to arise in your throat. It was as much grief for the idyllic days of your childhood as it was for your former best friend. Both were lost to you now, and both you mourned in equal measure, though you knew no amount of crying would ever bring them back.

Perhaps there had been a window of time in which you might’ve been able to reconnect with Hiori, but the idea hadn’t crossed your mind until it was far too late, and you supposed it must’ve been the same for him. Or maybe he had, upon joining Blue Lock and becoming an international celebrity, forgotten about you entirely. It was a possibility, and no matter how much it stung, it was one you did not resent him for.

“Yes, it was a while ago. Apparently, he lived in the area when he was younger, but he left to pursue some athletic career? Anyways, now that he’s rich, he wanted to invest in some property close to home, so as soon as the previous owner died, he swooped in and bought the entire field up. You know, considering how much money he has, the house is downright quaint in its design,” your mother said, shaking her head. She had a penchant for gossip, and you could not count on two hands the amount of days you both had spent giggling with each other about silly, inconsequential matters. This, though, crossed the line — it wasn’t dumb gossip but legitimate news.

“Athletic career? Do you…do you happen to remember what sport?” you said.

“No idea,” your mother said. “Why?”

“Was it soccer?” you said. She choked on a pearl of boba. Absently, you leaned over and slapped her on the back to help dislodge it. She coughed and dabbed at her face with a napkin before nodding.

“Ah, yes, that sounds familiar!” she said. “I think that might be it.”

“I’m going to take the next few days off and visit you guys,” you said. It was a spur of the moment decision, but you could afford it, and something told you that what you would find would be far more valuable than another day at your boring, if not well-paying, job.

“Really? That’s wonderful! You’ll love how things have changed. The place has really come to life in the past couple of years,” she said.

The train ride home from Tokyo was just over two hours, and it ran through a familiar countryside, which you watched for the entire journey, smiling slightly whenever you rushed by a landmark you recognized. By the end, however, it seemed every sight was a landmark of some sort — not the nationally important ones, but the type that was personally significant. The many little places you had visited when you were young…even now, you recollected them with startling clarity.

Your father was delighted that you had returned home with your mother, and the whole house smelled like his cooking when you walked in through the front door. He must’ve begun preparing as soon as you had mentioned that you were coming back for a bit, and the grumble of your stomach warned you that you would regret it if you did not hold off on your investigation until after dinner.

You sat in the same chair you had once sat in and ate the same food you had once eaten. It was your favorite as a little girl, and your father served it to you personally, his lower lip trembling as he ladled two portions onto your plate instead of one. Hardly even a month had passed since he had seen you last, but he had always been an emotional man, bawling like a child at every reunion and separation alike.

The sun was setting when you excused yourself, placing your dishes in the sink and ducking outside under the pretense of needing a walk to digest your food. Well, it was only half a pretense — your father truly had fed you until you thought your stomach might split open, as was characteristic of his affection. You really did need to walk around so that your insides could settle, but more importantly than that, you wanted to confirm the theory which had been brewing in your mind since your mother had brought it up.

As she had said, there was a brand new house across from yours. It was nothing like the grand mansion that the original owner must’ve intended to sit on the land; it had a winsome yet unassuming charm to it, and it only took up about half of the field, while the rest of it had been left entirely alone, still green and wild like you recalled it to be. You were sure that if you looked close enough, you would find the dormice and the squirrels and the chipmunks and the larks exactly where you had left them as well, but you did not have the time nor the patience for that at present.

When you climbed the porch steps, you noticed that to the left of the door was a cushioned swing, atop which a tortoiseshell cat was dozing. At the sound of your footsteps, she opened one champagne-colored eye, but she did not seem to regard you as worthy of her attention, for she promptly closed it and returned to her rest.

Your fingers hesitated on the doorbell, resting on the button, too scared to press down. You didn’t know what you had to be afraid of, but for some reason, you were nervous, a pit forming in your stomach as you deliberated over what to do. Before you could make up your mind, the cat meowed at someone in greeting, jumping off of the swing with a light thud.

Spinning around, you saw that the owner of the house was standing at the bottom of the steps, the cat rubbing against his legs as he beamed up at you. Any lingering doubts of yours dissipated into nothingness at the instant you once again made eye contact with Yo Hiori; like a reflex, the corners of your mouth curved upwards in a fond greeting.

Like always, in his hands was a soccer ball, though more prominent than the ball itself was the butterfly which lay on it in repose. Its white wings were thin and quivering, but curiously, when Hiori held the ball out to you, it did not fly off, instead remaining stationary, waiting for you to reach out and take it.

#hiori x reader #hiori x y/n #hiori x you #hiori yo #bllk x reader #bllk #blue lock #childhood friends #reader insert #m1ckeyb3rry milestone #m1ckeyb3rry writes

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woundgallery · 5 months

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I don't submit many poems for publication, but I am truly delighted that this old piece found a home in a beautiful volume of Prairie Schooner. I wrote this in April 2016, when I was re-emerging from the most deadening period of my life. As much as this poem, on the surface, is about heartbreak, it is much more about the gift of opening myself once again to communion with others and communion with the mystery of our fragile, interconnected world. The person I wrote this for took me by the hand and--with gentleness and understanding--helped me put aside weariness and remember that the world was a place that could still surprise me with a beauty that surpasses explanation, that cannot be neatly explained and shut away. Though it's been years since we have spoken, I am forever grateful for him.

And, as spring quickens in New York City, I am grateful once more to reflect on all I would have missed if I had not made it through the gauntlet of 2015. I would never have met my cat (and love of my life) Willa who wakes me each morning by wildly purring, head butting me like a baby goat, and nibbling my cheeks and nose because she’s just so happy to see me; hiked on Orcas Island with Michael and found a surprise lake which we named Lake Ineffable (because no name was beautiful enough for it) where we stripped off our clothes and swam and embraced each other, blissfully alone and dazed by superfluous beauty; found out that George Washington National Forest may have more fireflies than anywhere in the world; grown into my vocation as a social worker and been blessed to sit in communion with my clients for eight years; built a beautiful relationship with my parents based on mutual respect, affinity, and humor; seen my friends’ babies discover the world; slept beneath a meteor shower sky on a NYC beach in the arms of a man I was suddenly and entirely falling in love with; discovered Eric Rohmer; discovered Wim Wenders; moved to Laramie, Wyoming where everything looks like the abandoned set of a Western film where the paint has flaked off but he extras are still wandering around despondently; moved to Montana where I remembered that I am part of the whole, not just a body in passing; woke in Missoula to the cold air seeping through my window—still half in a dream of Oregon in October—and stirred, deliciously alert beside the boy I loved, craning toward his sleepy, freckled back, to clutch him closer, the brisk quickening of fall making my body a new thing—wild and tender and alive; swam naked in the ocean; had the chance to work with my best friends and fall even more in love with the people they are based off the kindness they showed our clients; had my best friends, in turn, respect and love me more based of what they saw me showing clients; sat by a lake at night and felt an earthquake swell like a heartbeat beneath my body; drove from Missoula to Washington, Ryan’s van weaving through a forest fire zone until we reached the pure, amnesiac sweep of the Pacific; discovered Simone Weil; been, not only forgiven, but embraced by the person I most wronged after six years of estrangement; made up a silly-serious shared mythology with Steven about a vulture God named Hamm who watches over us with a severe equanimity; backpacked through Olympic National Park with Michael and seen and been seen by the strange shaggy haired deer and rabbits who looked at us without fear; discovered Agnes Martin; read poetry with my sage & strange Mara; discovered Olivier Messiaen; discovered Mary Ruefle; discovered Ana Mendieta; realized that I like the color yellow; moved to New York City; discovered Carol Rama; learned how to enjoy dancing to music other than punk rock; seen a moose in the wild; spent a summer in that yellow shotgun house with the overgrown yard and the porch overlooking the river where we made dinner each night listening to recordings of bird calls; experienced the delights of solitary sunbathing on Brooklyn roofs; encountered places named Hellgate, Bitterroot, and Rattlesnake; recited The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock at 3 AM, wading in the waters of the Long Island Sound; realized I am capable of keeping houseplants alive; heard the thrumming ecstasy of the grouse's wings; learned the name of those clustered, mustard-colored flowers that grow on the Oregon coast; grew grateful for beauty again, remembering the world is not a place I can neatly explain, cannot fold in linen and shut in a drawer; and, most of all, remembered the daily ways we concede—plainly, without theatrics—to live.

Today I am thankful for those who love me and those who allow me to love them.

#poetry #suicide #gratitude #love #love poems #vincent van gogh #my writing #prairie schooner #personal #text #yellow #but all love is uneven

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ninthcircleofprythian · 2 months

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Unbound

Part 7 - Putting on a Brave Face

Series Summary - Not having a mating bond didn't stop the love Azriel and Celeste have for each other or their commitment. When an unknown magic lingering from Celeste's past causes her to lose all memories of the last century, will they be able to rebuild their life without a bond tethering them together?

Word Count - 6.2k

Warnings - general angst/anxiety, light swearing, canon typical fighting, memory loss.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Celeste stared pointedly at Nesta. The breakfast tray that Elain had just brought up was laying over her outstretched legs in the bed. The taste of the bile from last night still lingered even after brushing her teeth. Her stomach gave a needy rumble and Celeste knew she should eat something.

“Celeste, honey. I’m so, so sorry.” Nesta started from her position in the chair at the bedside. “I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you. I promise. We just didn’t want to overwhelm you so soon after waking up. You were so terrified and we didn’t want to scare you even more.”

“Who is ‘we’?” Celeste asked with a narrowed glare, the piece of toast she had been nibbling now abandoned. Nesta sounded genuinely upset at the thought of hurting Celeste by withholding information but she couldn’t let go of that nagging suspicion.

“Well, all of us. Everyone who cares about you.” Nesta dropped her gaze from Celeste’s face and started down and her hands in her lap. “This is all new to us too, you know. We were just trying to do what we thought was best.”

Celeste tried to hide the annoyance from her face.

New to them? They aren’t the ones who woke up with no knowledge of their life.

Another look at Nesta and she calmed her flare of anger. It was obvious she was trying to be a good friend here and there was genuine worry written across her face. She had been nothing but kind to Celeste since she woke up.

“Is there a reason that knowing Azriel is my husband should scare me?” She asked.

Nesta’s chin shot up to look at Celeste once more. “What?”

“You said that you didn’t want to scare me more. Is there a reason I should be afraid of him?”

“No. No, of course not.” Nesta’s countenance softened, her mouth quirking at the corner. “But you did wake up thinking that he and Cassian were guards here to haul you off. I didn’t think breaking the news that one of them was your husband would go over very well.”

The explanation sounded perfectly logical. Celeste was sure that she would have indeed taken it badly finding that out so soon after waking up. She didn’t exactly take it well when she found out last night either.

“We weren’t trying to actively keep you from knowing.” Nesta continued when Celeste remained quiet. “I just hadn’t exactly discussed with Az how to go about doing it yet.”

“Do you need his permission to tell me things?” That ugly suspicion rose up again full force.

This time Nesta scoffed. “I don’t need his permission to do anything,” she said seriously. “His or anyone else's. And neither do you.”

Reaching over the bedspread to grasp Celeste’s hand she carried on. “I know why you are thinking the things you are, Celeste, but it’s not like that here. That isn’t your life any longer. You are safe here. Safe and loved and free to do whatever you want. No one is going to punish you for anything you do, I promise.”

“What do you know of my life before?” There was no malice in her question.

“Enough. You’ve told me a lot of it, but I’m sure there are things you haven’t told me. And that’s ok. It’s your story to tell. But I know how you were treated and the punishments that were inflicted upon you. Those things will never happen here. Not to you or me or anyone else. I wouldn’t stand for it.”

Celeste briefly thought about how easy it was for Nesta to say that. It was easy to say you wouldn’t tolerate something until it was happening to you. Until you had no choice and no way out. She knew first hand that a person would tolerate a lot of things they disagreed with if it meant staying alive.

The room remained quiet as Celeste continued to pick at her food. Nesta didn’t push or prod any further.

“Is he kind?” Celeste’s voice broke the silence. “You said Cassian was like a giant puppy in battle leathers. Is Azriel like that too?”

Nesta’s laugh rang through the room as she threw her head back. “No, I wouldn’t say the same thing about Az,” she gathered her breath again. “Cassian likes to joke around. He teases and pokes and tries to make people laugh. And drives me crazy most days. But Azriel is different. He’s the quiet one. Stoic. He had a rough start in life and he can be very hard to read until you know him and even then it’s not easy.”

Nesta paused as she gave Celeste’s hand a gentle squeeze. “But he is kind. He is one of the kindest males I have ever met. He has always been one to do anything to protect those that he loves.”

Celeste studied Nesta’s eyes as she relayed her answer. Her gray eyes were clear and genuine. She could tell that she believed wholeheartedly everything she was saying, but that didn’t stop that wiggle of doubt from creeping in.

“He would do anything for you, Celeste. He loves you, truly.” Nesta’s eyes never broke contact.

Instead of the wiggle of doubt, Celeste felt a sensation she wasn’t familiar with. It was small and not insistent enough to latch on to. Just a quick flashing flicker in the middle of her gut.

“I’m sick of this bed.” Celeste changed the subject. “I want to get up. I feel fine.”

After dressing in another pair of those impossibly soft pants and a shirt that was definitely hers this time, Nesta led her out of the bedroom into the hall. As they began making their way towards the stairs she pointed out the library Celeste had discovered last night.

“We usually hang out in here. We could sit and read if you want.”

Celeste surveyed the room from the doorway where they stood but her attention was focused on the door just a few feet away. The entrance to the office was closed fully this time and the murmur of voices could be heard behind it.

“Or we could sit outside.” Nesta continued when she didn’t answer. “Some fresh air maybe?”

Celeste tore her focus back to the woman next to her. “Yes, fresh air. I think I’d like that.”

They made their way down the stairs and headed for the front door. Before they could cross the entirety of the entryway a boisterous voice rang out behind them.

“Nes,” Cassian called as he trundled down the stairs. “I’m heading out after lunch. I have to meet Rhys. Do you want me to carry you home or are you staying here?” He turned to Celeste. “Good to see you up and about. Feeling better?” A wide unfeigned smile spread across his face.

Nesta watched Celeste as she just nodded at his question with a downcast look. “No, I think I’ll stay. But carry some food with you to Feyre would you. Elain cooked enough to feed an army.”

“Or for the General Commander of an army at least.” Cassian smiled at his own joke but it fell flat on his audience.

Celeste wasn’t listening, as she had raised her gaze, she spotted another figure still making his way down the stairs. Azriel, reaching the entryway floor, didn’t approach their small gathering but instead left a wide berth as he sidled past them toward the back hallway. His eyes locked solely on Celeste.

Her heart began to pick up rapidly as the thought of stumbling upon him last night sprang forth and her body jolted into action, taking an involuntary step backwards. His eyes still hadn’t left hers, his brows furrowed inward as he flinched at her movement.

“Are you going with Cas?” Nesta asked after him.

“No.” he replied meekly, turning away from them.

Celeste followed his movements as he retreated, Nesta’s earlier words ringing through her mind.

Stoic.

Kind.

He loves you, truly.

The next few days progressed in much the same quiet way. Celeste normally tucked herself into a book or sat placidly outside watching people pass by out front, Nesta a constant by her side. Her interactions with Azriel were hardly more than a meal shared with others or a quick passing in the hallway. She had poked around in every room by now and even though there were signs of her presence all around, it still felt foreign in her mind. The clothes in the wardrobe were definitely hers. The official letters and correspondence in the library desk were penned in her hand. The small trinkets and style of decoration all throughout the house were definitely her taste. She hadn’t gone delving too deeply though, not wanting to find anything too damning in the presence of her friend. But so far she had found no sign of her past self in these walls. The only self she knew now.

Nesta. My friend.

Confusing as it was to have no memories of their friendship, it still felt right to call Nesta her friend. She had been nothing but kind and straightforward with her since her whole world had been flipped upside down, doing her best to help her navigate through. Celeste was especially relieved to find her close by at night the few times she had abruptly awakened from more dreams. They were never fully materialized, just snippets portrayed randomly in no particular order. But they were enough to get her body flooded with adrenaline and jolted from sleep.

“Smells like Elain is at it again.” Nesta’s voice broke through her wandering thoughts. “Let’s go down before it gets cold. I’m starving.”

They settled down to eat in the dining room along with Elain, who had joined them for many of the meals since she had cooked a fair number of them. Cassian heaped his plate full across the table from them, a nod of thanks in Elain’s direction. His presence during the day was nearly as constant as Nesta’s, stopping in after training and his official duties before retiring to the House of Wind at night. The final member of their lunch party rejoined them, Azriel settling himself back into his chair after seeing Rhys out.

“Well that’s good news then.” Cassian said referencing the news Rhys had just brought them regarding Helion’s response. “We just might have some answers tomorrow.”

Cassian’s wink in Celeste’s direction made her slightly uncomfortable, but not nearly as uncomfortable as it would have a few days ago. Cassian was quick to laugh and hardly ever without a smile or a joke. His easiness in any company had done a lot to begin melting Celeste’s persistent worry.

Helion’s impending visit had a tangible tension hanging in the air however, mostly radiating from the opposite side of the table. The charged atmosphere had Celeste on edge but she didn’t quite feel the same way about the news. She wasn’t allowing herself to get her hopes up only for them to be dashed.

“Are there always this many people in and out of here?” Celeste piped up, changing the subject.

Cassian smirked. “You can kick us out anytime you like, you know.”

Azriel’s hard glare in his direction had him smirking at his plate instead. “Not normally this frequently, no.” Az answered as if it took some effort to keep his voice even.

“Often enough that Azriel keeps threatening to move though.” Nesta’s mouth perked up into her own smirk at the Illyrian across the table. Another hard glare in her direction didn’t break her gaze though.

“What?” she challenged. “We all know you secretly love it, Shadowsinger.”

“Enough.” Azriel snapped harshly.

The sharp change in atmosphere had Celeste freezing with her fork halfway to her mouth. She remained still as her eyes darted over the rest of their company. Elain’s eyes went wide for a split second before she straightened her napkin in her lap. Cassian and Nesta exchanged a quick look between them before Cas shoved an elbow into Azriel’s side.

“Don’t worry,” he directed at Celeste. “Nobody’s moving anywhere. I simply won’t allow it. I’d starve if that happened.”

“The house can conjure anything you want Cassian. You aren’t in danger of starving.” Nesta quipped.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t listen to me. You two have that in common.” Another smirk graced his face and with Nesta’s answering crack of a laugh the tension was broken.

For everyone but Celeste that was. She risked a glance at the figure across from her. The tension rolling off of him had his shadows flowing over his shoulders in waves. The name Nesta had called Azriel had her attention drawn to those strange wisps that she had noticed he was never without. She had caught them a few times slowly drifting over her skin whenever she was close enough, which wasn’t often. She had wondered what they were and where they came from, asking Nesta once.

“I don’t really know what they are. They just — are," she had said. “I don’t think he’s ever explained how they came to be or if he even really knows himself.”

It was Azriel’s observance that she was staring that shook her back into the present. Dipping her head towards her plate, Celeste pushed her food around with her fork, no longer hungry but not wanting to offend Elain.

The chatter that had accompanied the meal at the start was now just a quick remark here or there, mainly between the sisters and Cassian.

“What would I be doing now if things were normal?” She asked during a lull in the conversation. “Like during a typical day?”

The word normal seemed to rub against the already tense aura around Azriel, his wings shuffling before he pulled them in again. A scowl flashing across his face.

“Seeing patients, I suppose,” offered Nesta. “It all depends on the needs of the day and the rotation schedule and things like that.”

“You’d be in the clinic.” Azriel spoke. His voice was much calmer now but his body and face still tense. “It’s your clinic rotation this week.”

“Clinic? Where’s that? I thought I did house calls?” Celeste hadn’t asked for a lot of information about her usual routine outside of the healer abilities she had no memory of acquiring. She had tried once or twice in secret to pull forth whatever force should be within her but found no answering magic.

“It’s downtown.” Azriel answered her again, now pushing around his own food on his plate. “You do house calls mostly, but all the healers do clinic rotations for a week at a time.”

“It’s for patients that need round the clock care or more specialized treatment.” Nesta added.

“Could I go there? I’d like to see it. Do you think they would have something for me to do?” Celeste looked toward Nesta hoping she’d volunteer as her chaperone. “I’d like to feel useful and get out of this house for a bit.”

The clank of Azriel’s fork dropping to his plate made everyone jump. With another uneasy ruffling of his wings, he excused himself from the table.

“I’m sure they could always use an extra set of hands somewhere.” Nesta answered smoothly as she gave a nod to Cassian. “I can take you if you’d like.”

“I’d like that very much. Thanks, Nes.”

It was the first time Celeste had used her nickname since this whole ordeal had begun. The small smile she gave her friend was heartwarming and bright.

“Anytime.”

“Leave it to Az to be such a neat freak.” Cassian quipped to himself as he sifted through the wardrobe. The clothing on the hangers was precise and neat, training leathers arranged by season, shirts ordered by type and color. Even the casual loungewear pants were neatly folded into thirds and stacked by color on the bottom shelf. “I bet he folds his socks too.”

With a flick of his fingers against the handle of a drawer he gained his answer. “Yup.”

Cassian gathered the haphazard pile he had tossed behind him as he selected items and tossed everything over one arm. Marching down the hall past the stairs, he didn’t even knock on the closed door he was headed for.

“Brother. Buddy. Pal.” He said jovially as he made his way across Azriel’s office and dumped his armload on the desktop. “Get dressed. We’re going on a field trip.”

Azriel eyed the pile of leathers in front of him with his neutral stoicism. “I’m working. Something you should be doing as well.”

With a sweep of one arm, Az deposited the pile onto the floor beside his chair and made to gather the stack of papers that had been strewn across his desk.

“I know for a fact that you have deferred everything but your daily reports until further notice. The reports can wait. Our little field trip however, can’t.” Cassian’s lighthearted voice relayed his words but his eyes carried a hint of warning.

“Not now, Cassian.” Azriel countered with a warning of his own.

“Yes. Now.” His tone was no longer light.

Holding Cassian’s stare, Azriel didn’t respond. But when he moved to grab the fountain pen from its holder and continue on with whatever task he had in mind, Cassian took action. One large palm deposited itself over top the stack of papers as he leaned in closer to his brother across the desk.

“You scared her down there today. Not as much as you could have, but you still scared her.” Cassian’s voice carried a deadly timbre that most people only associated with the Spymaster. “I know that wasn’t your intention but given her history I don’t think you want to find out how easy it would be to go too far.”

Cassian straightened himself to standing, tugging at his own leathers to adjust them. “So you can sit here and brood and deal with the consequences or you can get yourself dressed and get your ass out the door.”

A deadly rumble of a growl came straight from Azriel’s chest. It was the realization of scaring Celeste that did the trick. The thought sickened him to his core.

“Fucking asshole.” Az grunted as he pushed himself up and bent to gather the pile from the floor.

“Yeah, yeah. Fucking asshole, Illyrian bastard, ‘Ow, Cas you’re on my hair.’ I’ve heard it all before.” Cassian smirked as he mimicked his mate, his jovial attitude returning. “Get dressed. Time’s wasting.”

Less than an hour later, the two winged warriors touched down from flight into an open clearing deep in the Night Court woods. As Azriel shuffled his wings, Cassian rounded to face him.

“Well, let’s get the ball rolling. I’d like to be back in time for dinner.” He said, cracking his knuckles in a fist and rolling his shoulders.

Azriel’s body was taut with energy, his shoulders practically hunched to his ears with tension but the deepening glower towards Cassian was the only movement he made.

“Don’t make me tie you up and kidnap you until you are ready to cooperate.” Cassian winked. “I’d hate to resort to such measures.”

The growl that echoed through the trees had Cassian crouching slightly into defense, prepared for the blow he was sure was about to come. But nothing followed except for the groan of leather as Azriel gripped his damaged hands into fists at his sides.

He waited one beat, then two. The shadows were creating a small breeze with all the whipping around they were doing between them, but Azriel remained motionless.

“It’s for your own good and you know it.”

Silence.

Azriel didn’t want to be here. He didn’t care if it was for his own good like Cassian said. He didn’t want to play this game, he just wanted to be left alone. He wanted to stew in the roiling thoughts inside his own head that he had always been prone to escaping in. That escape felt comfortable and familiar even if the thoughts themselves were eating him from the inside.

“Take it out on me now. Or keep on like you are and you’ll have her running scared,” Cassian remarked, no tease within his tone and with a dangerous glint in his eye. “Straight into the arms of the next male to warm her bed.”

There was no warning growl this time. In the blink of an eye, Azriel lowered himself and lunged straight for Cassian’s hips in an attempt to tackle him. With a swift dodge, Cas managed to miss the grab but he wasn’t quick enough to maneuver out of the path of the wing that slammed his shoulder and spun him around. Before he could even plant his feet to defend himself, Azriel’s fist met his cheekbone, snapping his neck viciously to one side.

A wet rattling cough sounded as Cassian spat blood into the grass. “Ok, I probably deserved that.” Without wasting another second he was immediately on the defense. Azriel was pure fury wrapped in shadow as he struck again.

“I would never hurt her.” He gritted out through clenched teeth as he snatched Cas’s leathers at the shoulders and swept his legs out from under him with a sweeping kick. Pushing even more force through his arms, he slammed Cassian on his back onto the hard ground and topped it off with a punch straight to the gut.

Cas wheezed as all the air left his lungs. “I know,” he coughed out winded before Az landed another strike to his already swelling jaw. Kicking out with all his might, he managed to hit Az squarely in the chest, tossing him back to land on his backside.

Azriel was on his feet again in a flash. Around and around they brawled, occasionally grappling on the ground after one of them had been pinned. No more words were needed, just the sounds of their exertion and growls of injury rang through the clearing.

Eventually Azriel had Cassian pinned on his back, knees planted firmly on top of his shoulders. As he pulled back his arm preparing to land another blow he suddenly lost all steam and tucked in his wings as he flopped to the side, rolling onto his back. Azriel lay there, gasping for breath through a busted lip and one working nostril, the other clotted with blood and well on its way to being swollen. Cassian remained beside him sprawled out on the grass, silent.

“I scared her.” Az broke the silence, staring above him toward the sky at the tree tops.

“It can still be fixed.” Cassian replied, still unmoving.

Even Azriel’s shadows were tired, laying perfectly still like a cloak tossed over his front. His heavy sigh had them scattering like the seeds from a wishing flower.

Az rolled his neck to peer over at his brother. “What if it can’t be though?”

“She’ll come around. She just needs time.” Cassian swiveled his own gaze to his brother.

“Not just that. I mean her memory – what if,” Azriel paused, gathering his shortened breath as that chasm deep inside him spasmed. “What if it can’t be fixed without a mating bond?”

Cassian pushed himself up to sit. “What? Az, brother, this didn’t happen because you two don't have a mating bond. Don’t think like that.”

“But what if it can’t be fixed without one? Remember what Feyre told us about under the mountain? When she died, she held onto that bond and that was before she even knew it was there.” Azriel’s throat felt like it was closing up and the shadows began their swirling movements once more as he pulled himself up to sit as well. “What if I were able to give Celeste her memories back with a bond?”

Cassian ran a rough hand through his disheveled hair. This wasn’t his forte. He was the Lord of Bloodshed, a slayer of enemies. The intricacies of magic wasn’t something he had the confidence in to give Az the answers he wanted.

“Helion will be able to tell us something surely. He is the SpellCleaver after all.” He sighed.

The birdsong had returned to the clearing after their raucous battle and the lull in conversation amplified their songs. Azriel sat hugging his knees, staring unfocused at the ground before his feet. He was trying not to pin all his hopes on the outcome of Helion’s arrival, but if he couldn’t get any information from him, Az was at a loss. He felt like he was failing his wife, his sweet Celeste. Due to her history and where her mind was stuck in time, she had woken up terrified of him. He didn’t know what to do with that. The urge to comfort her, to take her into his arms and assure her she was safe, was all he could think about. That would only terrify her more. She didn’t know him and finding out he was her husband had made the whole situation worse. He was a stranger in her eyes.

“I think she was relieved.” Az choked out past the tightness of his throat. “When I told her there was no mating bond. I’m a stranger to her Cas.”

“She needs time.” Cas repeated his earlier sentiment. “She has had a lot of information thrown at her in a short amount of time. It’s not just you who feels like a stranger to her. It’s not just all these new faces she woke up to. She probably feels like a stranger to herself too. To find out she has a life she doesn't remember? To not have any recollection of all the choices she made that led her into that life? That’s got to be a serious mind fuck. She doesn’t know who that Celeste is.”

He had spent so much time grappling with how to reconcile the fact that they were all strangers to her that Azriel hadn’t really considered she was also a stranger to herself. He had focused so much on her fear and his grief that it didn’t click until now.

“What if this time she chooses differently?” Az’s voice hardly above a whisper as that chasm yawned painfully, stealing his breath away. “What if this time she doesn’t choose me?”

“She hasn’t run yet.” Cassian answered with a soft smile. At his brother’s apparent confusion he continued. “Celeste could have run for the hills as soon as she realized the situation she was in. She trusts Nesta now, she could have begged her for sanctuary anytime in the past few days. She could have left that house for somewhere she felt safer already. There are a thousand choices she could have made since waking up that she didn’t make. Something inside is telling her to hold out and see where she lands even if she doesn’t realize it yet.”

Azriel contemplated his words in silence, the look on his face told Cassian he wasn’t quite convinced.

“Do you still love her?” He asked.

“Of course I do.” Az scoffed.

Cas nodded knowingly at his answer. “The Celeste you fell in love with is still there. And the Azriel she fell in love with is still here too.”

The day had progressed much faster than most of the previous ones. Probably due to the fact that Celeste had actual tasks to complete instead of roaming around the townhouse. Nesta had graciously accompanied her to the healer’s clinic earlier that morning before jetting off to do some much needed errands. Celeste felt a bit like a burden for having taken up all of Nesta’s time over the past week. She was still sleeping at Celeste’s side, although now at least she had moved from the armchair into the more than ample bed.

She hadn’t recognized anyone upon arriving at the clinic, hoping to at least see Marin or Selah who she had been acquainted with in the couple days after waking up. The faces were all new to her however, but they all knew her considering she was their boss. The title felt strange to Celeste, the thought of managing so many people and schedules and needs was overwhelming. Quickly though she was set to task and was able to set her thoughts to the job at hand rather than her own swirling thoughts.

A positively tiny healer by the name of Elora had suggested that Celeste could start on inventory since it was due to be done in the next month or so anyway. She was provided with a list, strangely written out in her own hand, and shown to the back room.

The walls were filled with glass fronted cabinets and open shelving of all kinds. Mismatched in color and height, they were arranged in whatever way could be fit. Deciding to start from the left most side of the room she began. By lunchtime she was no further than the third cabinet down, the depths of the shelves inside each cabinet seeming to hold a neverending assortment. It didn’t help that healers were constantly in and out of the door in search of their needed items causing Celeste to backtrack and amend her previous counts.

Just a couple hours later, she tucked the list back into the office that she was told was hers and set herself on the bench outside to wait for Nesta. She had said she would return by now to walk her home but she was still nowhere in sight. The sun warmed Celeste’s skin and the sounds of the movements of downtown lulled in the background of her thoughts. With no task to complete now they had begun ramping back up to full swing.

Slipping in the door once more, she found Elora and pulled her aside. “Would you please let Nesta know I headed back already.”

Elora gave her a wide eyed stare. “Are you sure? She might worry.”

“I can make it back home on my own,” Celeste answered politely. “It’s really not hard. I remember the way.”

Elora just gave her a nod and went on to her next patient.

Celeste did remember the way, at least she was pretty sure she did. Once she got out of the downtown proper she knew it was just a curving road along the outskirts until she reached her street. She eyed the posts on the corner closest to the clinic and pulled at her memory of earlier this morning.

Yes, we definitely came from that street. And then a right at the next one I believe.

Confident in her path, Celeste set out. It wasn’t long before her thoughts began getting louder and she found it hard to block them out completely. Letting herself pick them apart a little at a time while she took in her surroundings, she carried on over the cobblestones.

First and foremost in her mind was the incident from when she had wandered the house. Stumbling upon Azriel by surprise was bad enough, but the revelation that he was her husband still made her reel if she thought about it too long. She had not spent much time in his company outside of shared meals and so she hardly knew anything else about him other than what her friends had relayed to her. She had found that Nesta’s words still rang true. Stoic? Check. Kind? As far as she could tell, but she had spent zero time alone with him. Truly loved her?

She shook that thought away before she could pry at it too deeply. Celeste couldn’t stomach the crawling feeling that it gave her in her gut. It wasn’t that Azriel was bad looking, he was actually quite beautiful. But love? How could anyone love someone so damaged as her? She was afraid to be alone, afraid of males in general, afraid of getting hurt. How could that attract love?

That is the old you, the you from before. You are a different person now, you just don’t remember.

Celeste shook that incessant thought from her brain once more. She didn’t feel like it was the old her. How could it be? How could she now be a different person if she didn’t remember anything about becoming that person?

That spiral of a thought made her pause before letting it slip away. Her brain was fuzzy with too much thinking and she glanced up at her surroundings once more to make sure she was still on the right path. But she wasn’t. Or at least she didn’t think so.

The building before her wasn’t once they had passed this morning, or was it? The gray stone front and full holly bushes out front were generic enough but also oddly familiar. She spun around to take in the rest of the street but before she could get enough of a look, a voice called out to her.

“Celeste!” Nesta called out breathlessly. “Gods spare me!” she gasped as she bent over, hands to knees catching her breath. “You scared me to death, I’ve been running around for three blocks looking for you.”

“Sorry, Nes.” Celeste replied sincerely. “I really thought I could get myself home. I guess I got distracted.” She flashed Nesta a lopsided smile of apology.

“It’s alright. I found you. Thankfully before I had to employ help.” She panted as she righted herself. “Azriel would have never forgiven me. Let’s keep it between us ok?”

At the mention of Azriel, Celeste’s smile faltered and she gave Nesta a quick nod. Nesta’s gaze had shifted before she could see it however, drifting up to the building they still stood in front of.

A frown of thought appeared across her face as she looked at Celeste once more. “Did you mean to come here?”

It was Celeste’s turn to frown. “No, I got distracted and I was just trying to figure out where I was.”

“Strange.” Nesta said wistfully.

“Why is it strange?”

“Just that you would end up here without meaning to. You used to live here. You don’t remember anything about that at all?”

Celeste peered at the building once more trying to unearth that earlier feeling that it looked oddly familiar, but the feeling slipped through her mind like smoke as she tried to grasp at it.

“No. Nothing.”

“Yeah, you lived here before you and Az were married. I’m pretty sure it was the only place you lived in Velaris before you met all of us.”

Celeste remained staring at the building, trying to imagine herself walking from the lobby doors and carrying out her day to day life, but she had so little idea of what that life actually looked like.

Nesta saw the thick look of concentration on Celeste’s face. “We can go up and see your old apartment if you want. Maybe it would trigger something for you.”

They had been trying unsuccessfully over the past couple days to see if random things could pull forward any of her locked memories. Nesta had even had her read books they had finished hoping maybe even just the plots would ring a bell.

“We can’t just go knocking on people’s doors asking to peruse their home, Nes.” Celeste giggled at the thought.

“We don’t have to,” Nesta started. “You own the building, you can do whatever you want. Besides, your old apartment is an office anyway so we wouldn’t be barging in or anything.”

“I – own the building?” Celeste stared at her, openmouthed. “And why is my apartment an office? I’m so confused.”

“Well, technically Az bought it for you. And It’s not just an apartment building anymore. It’s a sanctuary for females escaping violence.” Nesta’s face softens. “You wanted to put it to good use. So you made it a place where they could transition safely into a new life.”

Tears sprang immediately to Celeste’s eyes. This building before her was the start of a new life for others like her. She did this.

“Did-” she choked out. “Did Azriel buy the building so I could do this?” She gestured with her hand toward the building front.

“Well, not exactly.” Nesta’s face twisted as she hesitated. “I don’t know if it's my place to tell you.”

“Whose place would it be Nes? This is my life we are talking about. I want to know.” Celeste demanded.

“I know, honey. It’s just – it feels so personal. But you are right. It’s your life.” Nesta’s face softens as she sighs. “Az bought you the building a few years after you two got together. Even after you moved in with him, you kept secretly renewing the lease on your apartment. You didn’t want to let it go. When it was sold to a buyer who was going to demolish it, Az doubled their offer and bought the building.”

The apparent look of confusion across Celeste’s face had Nesta reaching out, placing a gentle hand on her elbow.

“You always wanted to make sure you had a place to go. If you ever wanted to leave, you didn’t want to be stuck. He knew about the apartment the whole time, so when the building was being sold he made sure you would always have it.”

Celeste’s tears were back with a vengeance now, leaking steadily down her face. This revelation rocked against all the previous thoughts in her mind, the fear since waking, the suspicion of Azriel, the worry that her life wasn’t what it seemed. It shook her to her core.

She turned to Nesta, eyes still glistening. “There’s one more place I want to go.”

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