#like no. it happened. you literally said it was irreversible. you made your choice. now live with it.

[nyxire]

hopeing totk doesn't pull something out of their ass to make zelda an actual person again bc honestly while i am all for the happy ending, i think i would enjoy a bittersweet ending like that a bit more.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

what’s your favorite killer sans comic,,, you have literally the best thoughts ever about him it kills me

Oh there’s many; so we’re probably gonna have to put the entire Something New comics off to the side for a moment, because those are at the very top.

I think my personal favorites are all tied between the comic where Color stumbles onto Killer mid breakdown and has to shake some sense into the guy, the “A Good Person?” comic between Killer and Dream, the comic where Nightmare chokes Killer or the “Something New Happened,” the comic where Killer leaves Nightmare with Color.

I like these ones primarily because we get to see Killer’s dynamics with Nightmare, Dream, and Color.

Color is the one shakes some sense into Killer, the bit of firm but honest love he needs. There’s not any talks about Killer’s morality, if he’s a “good” person or not, no talk about if Killer deserves to be saved or not. If redemption or change is possible; it’s about if he even wants it.

Color demanding to know what Killer wants for his life. He doesn’t want to hear any of the “I can’t feel anything,” the “everyone else wants this, so I do too and therefore I am fine.”

Killer, with a bit of prodding, pushes past his fears and worry—his overwhelming sense of helplessness, of no hope, of shame and guilt—and says what he wants. He wants to go home. He wants his friends back, his family back. He wants Papyrus. He wants to be Sans again.

He wants to go back to an easier time in his life. When he was happy, and safe, and loved and respected.

Is this actually possible? Likely not for a long time, if ever. He has been irreversibly changed by his own choices and external forces leading him to a choice. He has idealized the past, in his Stage 1 self—whereas parts of him fear going back.

He is not the same person he was, when the rest of the Underground knew him. He’s not the Sans they know, he likely barely even knows who he was before—he’s spent more time as Killer than he ever was as Sans.

But if it’s possible or not wasn’t what he was asked. He is being told that what he wants matters, and this is what he wants: to be happy, to turn back to a time before he did anything to no longer “deserve” happiness. So Color offers a practical solution instead; attempt to fix Killer’s SOUL.

But like always, hope is taken away when Nightmare shows up. He is turned back into Stage 2, a version of himself who has embraced what he is now, and is “corrected” again—that is is pointless to hope, and redemption or change is not possible. The brief progress Killer made, that tentative half step forward, is immediately shattered with 20 steps straight back.

The only bit of hope left from this interaction is, even after Stage 2 readies to fight Color—“ready to die?” is similar to what he said—it’s only after Color leaves without a fight that he notes with detached curiosity that he doesn’t know why, but he “kinda likes him(Color).”

The comic ends with Nightmare telling him to “shut up,” and Killer grinning as he always does.

Now the “A Good Person?” comic helps Killer in a different way. Now the question is if Killer can be a good person or not—which is something any Stage of Killer has likely either never believed or never cared for the answer to. Killer needs to establish and define his morals, he needs to understand what a “good person” means to him, but more than that—he needs to know if it’s even possible.

Here is Dream, the Guardian of Positivity, saying he was drawn in due to the positive emotions Killer feels with his cats—that he felt these emotions from Killer before, but he wasn’t sure until now. He’s saying that he knows theres a “good person,” somewhere deep down, and that he wants to help Killer: despite all the harm Killer has caused to the Multiverse, to Dream’s friends, to Dream himself.

Dream is still scared of Killer, even, yet refuses to back down or attempt to protect himself by attacking first when he worries Killer would hurt him. Like Killer has before, like he’s done to many others.

What Killer is gaining here is a form of trust, someone having faith that he won’t hurt them despite what he’s made for. Someone who has every right to hate or fear Killer, someone who has every right to not want to be around him—approaches him first. Declares that they believe Killer can do better, that they’d like to help if he’ll accept it.

It’s different from with Swap, despite how Swap and Dream both only have the best intentions. Swap approached Killer as if he were Sans, and just needed some reminders of the past—in a Stage where the past is something to avoid, something to fear.

It must’ve felt like Swap was trivializing Killer’s experiences, mocking what made him by hurting him with what he was and could never be. Trying to trick him and trap him into having hope only to take it all away. Again, “like everyone does.” Swap wouldn’t take the hint that Killer wanted to be left alone, and kept pushing “Sans” on him.

But with Dream, he does call him “Sans” yes, but he doesn’t get overly pushy with it. It helps that Killer was only very briefly in Stage 2 for a moment, to make sure that Dream was actually real, but felt comfortable and safe enough to be in Stage 1 for the rest of the conversation.

Now Killer doesn’t immediately believe Dream when he says Killer could be a good person—his Stages debate about it, one immediately jumps to “don’t fall for the trick, kill him” whereas the other cautions; says to let Dream speak. We never see what Killer’s final choice is, but Dream plants the idea that he can be more than a killer—someone’s villain, the end of someone’s story—in his head in a way that allows Killer to consider it instead of immediately reject the idea.

And more importantly, Dream doesn’t say Killer has to be Sans again. And he doesn’t say he only “has a good person inside” due to Sans, either, even if he does use the name that Killer no longer feels connection to.

Color shows Killer that what he wants could possibly matter, whereas Dream suggests the consideration that maybe he’s not all death, violence, murder and gore. That he can be Killer, and be more than a killer—more than what he was made for. More than a weapon.

Dream demonstrates trust, faith, maybe even a bit of forgiveness in a time where Killer has hit an uncertain place in life. And the possibility that maybe he could make a happy future, rebuild a better life where he’ll be free and safe, instead of wishing to turn back the clock to the ideal fantasy of Sans’ life.

Now all of this would be extremely difficult to do if Killer were in Stage 2 for long. Potentially even dangerous. But any seed of hope is always good for one who does not have any.

Now, the comic where Nightmare chokes Killer. I like this one because we get a better grasp of their dynamic. The way Killer emphasizes “thanks to me (another AU has fell to negativity),” as if he wants his hard work to be properly acknowledged by his Boss—which he does not get.

And the way he says “and I stole a soul from them, don’t worry about it, it’s not that important.” Not only because it shows how Killer is keeping secrets despite his obedience, but the fact that Nightmare didn’t even ask nor care.

The way Nightmare DOES care when Killer starts pushing back on his plans—the plan to go after Core Frisk next, which Killer does not think is possible yet. At first Nightmare seems peeved when Killer disagrees with him, but gets violent—choking Killer—when he feels his strength is being insulted.

Killer is quick to reassure him—“yes, I know you’re the strongest, Boss”—before going on to explain why he doesn’t agree with Nightmare. Even with his feet dangling off the floor (and we can see that Killer has holes in the bottom of his shoes 💀), even when he’s being brutally choked and on the verge of fainting. He’s still trying to explain himself—his awareness of the Multiverse, AUs, their functions all in an effort to help Nightmare to his goals.

(Realistically, Killer would likely be gasping for air, heaving in deep breaths and struggling to speak, yet he still pushes through it to explain what he knows.)

Killer faints, and Nightmare notes this with a casual, detached, “oh. he fainted.” before dropping him listlessly to the floor and leaving him there. This has possibly happened many times before between them, but they are both focused on Nightmare’s goals and how to achieve them. When Nightmare feels insulted, Killer is quick to remedy it, before moving on to what he knows Nightmare would want to hear even more.

It’s interesting. We get a look at their goals, their dynamic, Killer’s lack of care for his wellbeing and Nightmare’s lack of care for his wellbeing. And yet Killer, at least while in Stage 2, does not seem particularly annoyed, scared, or upset by the choking, the insults or anything.

And then the “Something New Happened” comic expands on it even more—with Killer calling Nightmare out for how he treated him, how it affected Killer, why Killer is now leaving. Nightmare kidnaps him, turns him against other AUs, belittles and harms him—takes away Killer’s hopes. And yet Killer never mentions it until now—merely just to confront Nightmare, to ask why he’s so mad about Killer leaving since he never cared in the first place.

And Killer leaving actually seems to upset Nightmare in a way, especially when he notices how happy Killer seems by Color’s side. He’s certainly never smiled at Nightmare like that.

All thoughout all these comics, I always got the vibe that Nightmare sometimes does cruel, hurtful things to Killer even when he doesn’t realize that’s what he’s doing. He just expects Killer to follow when he says the word, and he’s constantly confused and bewildered when Killer doesn’t. Angry when Killer insults him back or interrupts him or questions him.

And other than Something New Happened being Killer’s chance to finally stick it to the man and make the people who hurt him face it, to finally go with someone who actually cares and achieve his freedom and happiness—Nightmare seems to have come to some sort of realization at the end.

If the realization actually sticks, I don’t know. But I think it’d be interesting to consider how Nightmare would behave going forward. Will he avoid attempting to find more mortal employees or more Killers specifically, or would he just find another one? What would be the specific reason why he’d find another one?

Would it be because he wants to attempt to do better with this Killer, if only just to prove to himself that he can, or would he use this Killer to mock and torment the one who got away? To punish him for leaving?

[dapper-nahrwhale]

ive been thinking abt It and dndads (and stranger things kinda) for hours now its like. the monster has always been here and has shaped your life in ways you cant even perceive and you want to outgrow it but you cant and you never will. and the monster is a living breathing creature but it's also your parents and grandparents and it's also You and youre just continuing to act it out. nick leaves taylor like glenn (kind of) left him like bill left him and so on. eddie and bev marry people just like their parents. lark and sparrow literally have the doodler in their bloodstreams. augh

LITERALLY. it refuses to leave my head. The paralleling in these stories ahhg! Dndads and it (two of my favorite things in the world) hit the same thing!

Gawd just. Everything about these makes me go insane. The way the cycle repeats. You cant stop the monster that ruined your childhood from ruining your adulthood too. You are that monster. You cant move on past what happened when you were a kid. You the exact same kid you were when it happened except you're nothing like that kid at all. You can never change from the shit you went through and you'll never be that kid again. You became your parents without even realizing it.

Its about the generational trauma!

Also. Grant parallels Darryl by talking about things too much instead of too little. When he said the "we'll talk about it later" in the recent ep I lost it. The fact that they were all so irreversibly changed by that happened to them as kids that they cant change back to who they once were. He is not the boy you knew. I'm never over how they dealt with the consequences of episode 1 by grant becoming a fundamentally different and unrecognizable person to avoid that curse thing. Like that fucked up his whole shit forever man.

Lark and Sparrow are SO like henry whether they realize it or not. The Lark and bill denbrough parallels <3. They both feel insurmountable crushing guilt over something they think was entirely their fault. They were just kids. They make amends for this in the worst way possible. By trying (and failing) to kill the creature they're guilty for (insert obligatory fma03 ed and sloth reference). They let their guilt consume them. If they cant kill the horror they made whays the point of them living though it

I'm not assigning rigid roles to each character, just noticing the parallels. But I'd say the potential for sparrow and stan to be similar is so interesting. They both try as hard as they can to lead a normal regular life in spite of everything that's happened and yet they fail on that.

I realized immediately ep 1 that nick was like glenn and bill and ect ect with the not being there. But not by choice! But the cycle continues none the less! (I dont know if we'll be able to find nick and have him be reunited with the others in s2 or not. I think they all need to be there and alive to defeat the doodler, to end the eldritch horror that took their world. But if hes not there how do they kill it?)

The concept of nick needing an inhaler but never using it because he doesnt want to be lame in front of his dad vs eddie not needing one but continuing to use it because his mom says he needs it! (Smth smth the unconscious and conscious power their parents have on them smth smth)

Terry holding everyone together like mike is so chefs kiss yes! Terry and (maybe) ben being the most well adjusted of the groups. And well adjusted is very loosely said here because are any of them really? Terry being the researcher and the one to find the spells and the one to try so hard to save everyone he can (like mike).

Instead of just them forgetting the events like in it, they remember it all but the rest of the world forgot. How fucking lonley that must be either way.

Off topic but. One thing about it I adore is the 90s tv miniseries, where out takes place in the 60s in flashbacks and 80s/90s in present time and then in the new movies it take splace in the 80s and the present is the present! The exact 27 year gap between them is insane when you see the production for it had been in production hell since the 2000s!

I'm going to be thinking about these stories for the rest of my life I think...

Feeling the shrimp emotions about this rn.

[dex-starr]

My brain is so restless and I legit can’t stop having intrusive thoughts about just inflicting irreversible damage to me bc it’s what I deserve for what I’ve done (in my mind). It’s not like I will act on it but I’m just tired of this thought loop. I’m am so lonely and I feel so guilty about everything and I feel like there’s nothing I can do to make anything right at all. I’m like killing myself slowly in the sense of wants and needs and I’m not sure if that’s something that can be reversed or if it should be. It’s real fucking bad and like I don’t want to trouble anyone about it, I know I should reach out but man this is exactly what started all the issues in the first place and just created a downward spiral except now I’m out of things to lose because I lost everything last time to my own faults.

I’m wracking my brain for solutions to problems that will not change instead of accepting it and moving forward — it really is a damn shame too. Why am I like this, it makes me not good enough for anyone even in a friend capacity let alone as something more than a friend. It’s like it I didn’t have to deal with this uncertainty, this fucking stupid ass illness and this stupid ass brain I would’ve just made the choice to go say fuck it. But then part of me realizes that hey dude your mom came very close to being mortally ill this year like you said would happen. So I get some twisted confirmation on sticking to my choices and reasoning. But then I realize that I should e still just given them what they wanted because they weren’t asking for much at first, my stupid ass brain just prioritized things in a batshit stupid order because other people could’ve taken care of my dog. Part of me just felt guilty that he maybe got sick on my watch but it ended up just being a genetic condition. Then I realize just how much shit I wasn’t there for too and I don’t blame her for leaving. I was shitty. I let her down even though I told her I would never do that and always put her first, clearly my actions didn’t come off that way and I get that. No matter what my reasoning is, no matter how I tried to justify it as like “I will be together with you in the future just wait for me” I was needed in the now. But I also needed them in that time too I just didn’t ask for it and let them now how bad I was doing. So like I said, stupid choices that make me unworthy of things rather than actually being unworthy initially by design.

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore because I am literally trying everything. I’m so fucking frustrated with myself this year bc I fucking blew it lol. I thought stupidly to myself “hey this girl loves me let me get my shit together and try to go to her after that” when clearly getting my shit together was going to take longer than I expected and I should have been getting my shit together when I got with her already. Instead I let my actions create space, pushed them away to other people and didn’t do shit to reassure them that hey you know I actually love you. I don’t fucking blame them for moving on because of that, I blame myself. It just kind of sucks to go through this bc like I’ve been saying I thought she was the one. It honestly felt like that to me, I just didn’t treat her that way. Now I can only ramble on about my idiocy and fight these intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideations that I don’t really mean but still occur.

[strawberryamanita]

Hey, y'all, Dad here. I know a lot of people are genuinely unhappy about Unus Annus leaving us tomorrow -- and it's a completely justified and valid way to feel, and you have my every sympathy. That being said, I wanted to take this time to write out some words of encouragement in hopes that someone might benefit from them. It's all written from a place of care and concern, and I'm gonna try and be as mindful as possible with what I say.

Consider this my eulogy.

🖤⏳🤍

We knew this was coming. I know it's easier said than done to let things we enjoy go, but we were given time to prepare. And that's not to condemn anyone who didn't take out the time to -- even when we know a relative is on their way out, whether due to an irreversible disease or just old age, the looming dread from the thought of their last moments with us isn't the same as the sometimes-piercing sadness of them actually being gone. Everything is finite: one day, YouTube itself will come to an end, as will everything else we enjoy and prioritize and invest emotions into. And, as painful it is to hear, there's even gonna be a day when your favorite creators will stop posting -- whether or not by conscious choice, whether or not with an announcement in advance.

Unus Annus is just a channel. Ethan and Mark are thankfully alive and kicking, and aren't gonna leave YouTube after they delete Unus Annus. Mark still has Markiplier, Ethan still has CrankGameplays, and they're still gonna collaborate and play games and meet up in-person in videos together. This is an event that's coming to an end, not people.

You don't have to say goodbye to fictional characters. There are so many characters that have canonically passed away that people still hold onto, and they keep their legacy going via fanfics, fanart, and the like. Unus and Annus being canonically gone doesn't mean we legally have to stop talking about them, drawing/writing about them, discussing their characters through headcanons, etc. Hell, in the context of Mark's pocket dimension, we don't even have to view them as fully gone. One of the most famous characters to be associated with Mark was killed twice in-Universe, but Darkiplier's still going strong, and Mark quite literally demonstrated that we, Y/N, are the reason for that.

The boys might even talk about Unus Annus in later videos on their own channel. I don't expect Mark to directly mention it, being the cryptid he is(I keep thinking back to the masks on his shelf he won't acknowledge), but that's neither here nor there. Again, they're not legally barred from talking about something that used to be but is no more. These videos will exist in memories now -- and that can be upsetting, especially for people like me who have a hard time remembering things -- but we unfortunately can't immortalize every good thing that happens to us. It's like graduating from school after a really good last year, or moving away from a town where you made a lot of meaningful friendships: you'll still be able to reminisce with friends, but just because you can't go back and experience the memory 1-to-1 again doesn't mean that it never mattered.

You can think of it as a happy ending. "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened", as the saying goes, and because you were there to watch it happen. Unus Annus was but a moment of beautiful, hilarious, Dadaist chaos that lived through the majority of a truly Hellish year, but just because it's ending doesn't mean it didn't help a good lot of us cope with some pretty pertinent wide-scale traumatic events. It was a beacon, a firework that sailed high in the sky and eventually had to fizzle out, just as fireworks do. But it was still beautiful.

🤍⌛🖤

Thank you, Ethan. Thank you, Mark. Thank you, Amy. I can't speak for everyone who watched the series, but as someone who had to give up a lot of big plans right when lockdown hit -- as someone who regularly struggles with keeping emotionally stable and most of whose happy moments have to be planned and actively implemented -- as someone who does indeed have the mantra of memento mori looming over his head, always trying to find things to tether his mind in an environment where it can often feel impossible to... you helped me breathe better this year.

I'll be laying a bouquet of gratitude -- eustomas, trolliuses, pink roses -- on your grave. 💟

[aprils-arcadia]

Denial

Members: Kihyun, Changkyun, Wonho Genre: Fluff with a good deal of angst Word Count: 4,9k Summary: After your last relationship with Changkyun ended badly you are reluctant to give in to your feelings for your fellow freshman  at college Kihyun. 

“You know denial isn't going to help you.” Hoseok said, stuffing a handful of fries into his mouth. Like every Thursday before you found yourself at the usual cafeteria table with Hoseok.

“But denial and ignorance have been working so well.” You sighed, mindlessly poking your food with a fork. 

Hoseok scoffed. “Ah, is that so?” He pointed at the fries in the middle of the round, run-down table. “That’s why you've been just staring at your food for the last ten minutes. You haven’t even noticed that I've been constantly stealing your fries.” He shook his head in disapproval. “Huh. Seems to work wonders.”

“Don't you sass me now. You know what’s awaiting me once I eat and get up from here.” You slumped back into your chair letting the fork clink against the plastic cafeteria tray. The food wasn't that bad. That much was clear by Hoseok wolfing it down without hesitation but right now you didn't feel like eating.

“Of course I do. That’s why I am trying my best to relentlessly bring up the topic so that you can finally suck it up and stop moping around.” 

“But I don't know how. It's not as easy a decision to make. This isn't pizza vs. burger or gym vs. jogging.” You lifted your hands unethusicastically gesturing to your left and to your right, your eyes still transfixed on a rather nasty greyish spot on the ceiling. “It's… it's so much more difficult.” 

“You'll have to face this sooner or later and by now you should know that sooner is the right way to go. You can't just hide out like this forever. And you can't try to deny that this is eating away at you, just like I am currently eating away all your fries, which for the record you still haven't stopped me from doing. If you aren't even possessive of your food anymore, who are you even?”

“Haha. Very funny." You leaned forward again, picking up a solitary fry that Hoseok had dropped onto the tray. "But seriously what should I do? Do you have any ideas?” 

“Do you really want my advice? Like straight up blunt me telling you what I'm thinking?” 

“Yeah, sure. Always.”

“You’ve told me quite a lot about that Changkyun guy by now and I can’t say I like him.” Hoseok’s tone of voice had turned serious and you could see that the casual mischievous air around him had vanished. “But apart from all that, if you would really still love him I don’t think you would have fallen for Kihyun.” 

Silence.

He might be right. But on the other hand it's not like you could erase all the history you had with Changkyun either. 

He had been your first real relationship, your first love. You had been so convinced that you two would live the happily-ever-after, the cliche “they meet in school and look at them still going strong”-movie stereotype, overcoming hardships together only to grow stronger as a couple. 

But reality wasn't like this. Instead your Romeo and Juliet story turned into the annoying “on/off”, “are they/aren't they” cliche. You hadn’t heard from him or seen him and after the last fight you had, it's not like you could blame him but all that logic and rationality didn’t stop you from still loving that asshole no matter how many times your heart had been broken courtesy of him. And you still couldn't fight the feeling that even remotely thinking about Kihyun was cheating. That you were betraying the trust and the man you loved. 

“When was the last time you spoke to that guy anyway?”

“6 months ago,” you admitted under your breath.

“6 months ago? I mean come on. You need to move on from this. That's just not healthy.” 

You knew that Hoseok was right. It wasn't like you expected that Changkyun would come back to you, to show up at your dorm and begged you to take him back. That wasn't his style. Him calling you up at night and you hopelessly agreeing to meet with him was a thousand times more likely. Pathetic, you knew. But still. 

"So why not see how things could go with Kihyun? He seems like a nice guy even though he might be a bit of a smartass at least from what I can tell.” Hoseok shrugged his shoulders. 

"Oh I don't know it's not like I haven't thought about trying my luck with him and seeing where things would go. But I'm just feeling so guilty,” you said, reluctantly dipping your fry into the nearly empty ketchup.

“Yeah otherwise we wouldn't have to have this conversation almost every two days right before your two most beloved courses.” 

This was both unbelievably true and painfully sarcastic. The two intro classes Hoseok talked about were indeed your favorite classes and finally gave you the feeling of having made the right choice in coming here. On the other hand they were also the ones where a certain someone was sitting next to you since the first week.

*

You had met Kihyun right after college started. You had just moved here a few days ago and the break up with Changkyun was still fresh, having happened only two weeks ago. But once you entered the college grounds you swore to leave that behind you. To leave it in the past and in the city you had left to come here. Which right at this moment did not seem to work out so well, you had to admit.

You were convinced, even if it was a bit naive, that this whole experience would change your life and that this is the perfect new start to get away from it all. Unfortunately this included your meticulous sleep schedule. Ever since the fallout with Changkyun you weren't able to really sleep. You spend the night scrolling through social media or God forbid your phone's gallery. 

This wasn't helpful and you knew it. 

The night before your first college day you had felt so utterly lonely that you couldn't help yourself. You deeply regretted having left and how things turned out with Changkyun. This wasn't how you wanted it to go but you also didn't know what would have been your ideal outcome. It was obvious that you and Changkyun had an expiration date. Hell, you have had so many of them in the past it was a wonder that you even made it this far. But somehow you always ended up with each other.

The topic of college had been looming over the two of you ever since your senior year of high school. He didn’t like the idea of you going to a different city and the thought of staying in the town you grew up in nauseated you. Your local community college had nothing to offer with all possible studies boring the hell out of you. You wanted change and a challenge and something that interested you. Changkyun never seemed to understand that. For him, you applying for other colleges felt like betrayal, that you were planning on leaving him, going somewhere where he didn’t know what you were up to, where he couldn't control who you hung out with. 

So once the acceptance letters started to roll in the two of you fought on an almost daily basis. Somehow you had found the courage to tell him that you wanted to go to your current college and that you applied for a dorm room. He had just scoffed at that and told you that you wouldn't have the balls to leave anyway. That your little pampered, desperate self would not turn on him and leave. Two weeks ago you had finally gotten the approval for the dorm room. When you talked to Changkyun about trying to make this work long distance he completely flipped. You’ve had fights in the past, countless ones and he had broken up with you multiple times as well, but this was different. 

This time it felt final. Irreversible.

He had left you a sobbing mess on the steps of your home, driving away way too fast in his car and skidding around the corner. You knew that he wouldn't come back. You knew that you wouldn't get the call. The call that he was sorry, the call that would make everything right again. You knew this wasn’t coming. But still you couldn’t comprehend that this was supposed to be the end. The real end.

You had sat on those steps for hours until your mother had finally come home and tried her best to get you inside. The rest of the day you spend asleep. Completely weak and dehydrated you fell into an uncomfortable sleep, only to wake up with tears still streaming down your face. You spend the week before leaving for college in a haze. 

This wasn’t your usual coping mechanism.

You had stopped listening to music. This time around you didn’t drown your tears in Death Cab songs and ice cream wanting to be comforted by your friend and family. Instead you completely isolated yourself. You only ate when you were forced to and sleep didn’t come easy. Most nights you’d stared up at your bedroom’s ceiling, your mind completely empty but your body not letting you rest. It had felt like a part of you was missing that he literally had ripped out your beating heart where he stood. After a week you were only a shadow of yourself. You had packed for college with the help of your friend and moved into your dorm room. Sleep was still a rare commodity but you tried your best to start being hopeful about the future. You couldn't mope around forever and you shouldn’t let him ruin your first week of college. 

But here you laid, not being able to sleep. The dorm room was dark and empty, the shadows from the trees outside dancing on the walls. Instead of trying to close your eyes you had grabbed your phone, the bright light of the screen hurting your eyes in the beginning. Looking at the pictures on your phone didn't make your feeling of crushing loneliness any better. On the contrary. It hurt. It hurt like hell. Knowing that the man you loved so much was done with you. Over you. Living life without you, like you never happend. 

Luckily your roommate hadn’t moved in yet so no one was able to hear you sniffle and ultimately cry yourself to sleep at 4 a.m. 

The next day you woke up to the loud noise from the hallway having ignored your alarm clock twice. Now you only had 15 minutes left to get dressed and rush to the lecture hall. One quick look in the mirror confirmed what you had dreaded all along. You looked like sh*t. You had wanted to start college bright-eyed and optimistic but those were not the kind of bright eyes you were looking for. You had no chance of wearing your contacts like this. Awesome. The cute first day of college outfit you had laid out the night before stared at you almost in disappointment and you grumpily grabbed your black-rimmed glasses out of the drawer and quickly put your hair up in a messy bun, brushing this bird’s nest of hair would have been a waste of time. 

You rushed out of your dorm and onto the quad. Fortunately you already checked the way yesterday so instead of being completely lost you were able to just sprint across campus at full speed. Even though you earned a few “heys” and even one “Run, Forrest, run” you were able to make it in time. You hurried inside and tried to catch your breath as good as possible. Most of the seats were taken, everyone shows up for the first one, you thought.

You had found an empty seat in the back of the lecture hall and sat down as unnoticeable as you could. The young man next to you gave you a quick smile and a nod and then focussed back onto his notebook again. You pulled out your own notebook and the lecture began with your professor introducing himself and outlining the following semester before diving straight into the basic concepts that will be needed for the rest of the course.

You tried your hardest to focus but your mind tended to wander back to what you gave up to be here, if giving up was even the right word, and how your finger had hovered over Changkyun’s number time and time again the night before. You choked back the uncomfortable feeling that was forming in the back of your throat. You needed to concentrate. You brushed your thoughts aside as best as you could and focused on the blackboard. 

Nothing. You couldn't make out a single word. Great. If you couldn’t even copy the blackboard you may as well just leave. You squinted at the blackboard in an attempt to decipher the words as your professor was writing them. What he's talking about should give you some clues but still the smudges remained. If you could have just worn your contacts then this wouldn't have happened but no, you petty excuse for a human being had to cry yourself to sleep and were now forced to run around like a mole with those humongous glasses of yours that let's be fair here, didn't do sh*t. 

You sighed heavily and rubbed the bridge of your nose. All the squinting has achieved was give you a mild headache and your notepad was still as blank as it could be apart from you writing the course name at the top. Just as you were starting to lean back in your chair and resigned to just listening, an unfamiliar notebook appeared at your side, nudging your arm. 

"You can copy mine, if you'd like. That prof’s handwriting is like trying to read hieroglyphs."

You looked to your left and saw the guy next to you slide his notebook across.

"Oh and I took the liberty of correcting all his typos. You can be lucky that you don't have to deal with those cringe-worthy mistakes." 

You chuckled slightly. It’s been days since you even smiled about anything, having forced all of them since the break-up. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.” 

"No worries," the young man whispered. “I’m Kihyun by the way”

“Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you Y/N,” he said and smiled brightly. 

His profile and jawline were sharp and he dressed unbelievably well. The sleeves of his button-down were rolled up to his elbows and his dark brown hair had a slight undercut. He was attractive to say the least. How could you not have noticed this when you first sat down. Ah yeah, you probably were feeling way too sorry for yourself at that time. 

You quickly copied the notes and gave it back to him. 

“Thanks again, I owe you one.”

"Nah. You're very welcome. But if you insist a coffee would be more than sufficient." 

The next week you had finally been able to wear your contacts again. Thursday evening you had met the lovable idiot that was Hoseok. He’d spend the majority of the weekend listening to you cry your eyes out in the dorm common room. It was so easy to open up to him and maybe just maybe this was exactly what you needed. Someone who didn’t know the whole story who was completely impartial to hear your side of things. Talking to him made your shoulders a little lighter and he had made it his mission to make you feel better, to make you feel welcome and comfortable. He tried his best to get some nutritious food in you and forced you to join his Sunday morning jog. 

The next day with your legs almost numb and a chipper, way too awake Hoseok by your side you arrived at the nearby coffee shop. It was a tiny cafe that was frequented mostly by the students and therefore it was usually packed at this time of day. Hoseok looked around the shop anxiously until his eyes met the ones of the guy sitting at the corner table. 

“I gotta go. I don’t wanna keep Hyungwon waiting.” 

“Hot date?” you said, eyeing the tall young man that was smiling sleepily at Hoseok and waved.  

“Hell yes,” he replied and hurried off towards the other corner of the cafe. You took your two coffees from the counter and headed towards the lecture hall. Once you arrived you let your gaze wander through the rows until you spotted the only familiar face in the room. 

“Good morning,” you said as you sat down and placed the cup of iced americano in front of Kihyun. “As promised.” 

“Oh hey, thank you. I was wondering if you might have forgotten about me since you ignored me on Thursday.”

“Thursday? Where?” You fidgeted in your brain to try and remember where you could have seen him, but last week you were running on autopilot most of the time, without ever really registering your surroundings. 

“Oh so you really didn’t even notice me. I was sitting like three people over in intro to media theory.”

“Oh no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was spacing out a lot last week. I’m really sorry.” 

“Well at least I know you didn’t forget me,” he said, taking the cup and nudged it against your own. ”Thanks again. That should help us not fall asleep.” 

“I do hope so,” you said smiling as you started to sip your coffee. 

“It doesn’t seem like you’ll need my perfectly-taken notes this time around,” Kihyun added, gesturing towards your non-existent glasses. “I gotta admit though I kinda miss the glasses.” You laughed shyly. “They looked cute on you.” Kihyun turned towards the blackboard as your professor started to speak up. “But I’m glad you look a little healthier this week,” he said mostly to himself but you were just able to catch it. 

*

After unenthusiastically eating the remaining fries on your plate you got up, to make your way to your next course. 

“So have you made up your mind?” Hoseok said leaning against a nearby wall, waiting for you.

“Of course I haven’t,” you said as you let the wrappers slide off your tray and into the trash can. “And he probably isn’t that interested in me anyway.”

“Excuse me? Do you remember that one time he asked you out and you straight up invited me along?” Hoseok rolled his eyes at you. “Yeah sure, he isn’t interested in you. And also to get back to our earlier discussion if that wasn't denial I don't know what was.”

“That wasn't denial. I literally didn't get it." You tried to look and sound as convincing as you could but Hoseok probably already saw through that. "And seriously ‘hang out’ is just not the language I associate with asking out," you added defensively.

“Oh come on. You were just scared out of your wits and panicked. Don't you try and wiggle your way out of this now,” he said, putting a hand on your shoulder guiding your way out of the cafeteria and into the hallway. 

“Not fair and do you have any idea how long ago I went on a date last. Like a real asking out, whole shabang, first date?” You brushed off his hand from your shoulder and looked at him in all seriousness. 

"No idea, but I’m gonna presume it was AGES ago" Hoseok answered dramatically.

"Correct. I had like one first date in my life and that was Changkyun." You didn't like to admit this but it was the truth. He was your first, your first for basically everything.

“Are you sure you just didn't realize the other ones were dates"

“Stop it for God's sake. Shouldn't I know that?”

“Not if you were as dense then as you are now.” Hoseok winked at you and slid into the classroom to your right. “See you later.”

“Smartass,” you added quickly and stuck out your tongue. Unfazed by your childish action Hoseok blew you a kiss through the closing door. 

“He’s such an idiot.” He was a pain in the ass but you were thankful for Hoseok. He always found a way to cheer you up but was also by your side with advice and an open ear, everytime you needed him. You walked to your own lecture hall with timid steps, lost in thought. 

It’s been six months since you’ve last heard from Changkyun. 

No texts, no calls, no updates on social media. 

In fact you couldn’t even see his posts anymore, maybe he straight up blocked you. He probably was happy without you and better off. And you really had to face the fact that you yourself were happy here as well. That your life might not have turned out the picture perfect way you wanted it to be but you had found friends that supported and loved you and you were enjoying your studies tremendously. The only thing that was in the way was that damned guilty consciousness of yours and the nostalgia of a past albeit failed relationship.

 Changkyun wasn’t coming back and even if he was you shouldn’t fall for it because time and time again you should have been taught that this relationship was going nowhere. You were like oil and water, you could force them to be together for a while but slowly they would drift apart again. You guys weren’t made for each other and every other fight had proven that. He was overly jealous and you were too timid to really speak your mind. He was your first relationship, the one you wanted to treasure for the rest of your life but as Hoseok said it just wasn’t healthy. Not in the slightest. 

Going to college might have been the fallout you two needed to start living a life not dependent on each other, to be able to move on and to find your own happiness and a relationship where you were an equal and where you wouldn’t have to fear for your relationship every time you went out with friends. Changkyun was probably over you already anyway, it never took him long to prove to you that he didn't need you. 

So why, why on earth were you still limiting yourself. 

Why were you still in any way being considerate to this ass. The ass that made out with your friend in front of you just to prove a point. The ass that left you standing in the rain after a fight having to walk home for an hour. The ass that never treated you right. You lifted your head and straightened your back. He wasn’t worth it and more importantly you were worth so much more.  

Once you stepped out onto the quad and towards the lecture hall you felt a gentle touch on your back. 

“Hey, Y/N.” The soft voice unmistakably belonged to Kihyun. “Glad I caught up with you before the lecture began.” 

He couldn't have picked a better time. Right when all your thoughts were jumbled and you were trying to untie it even slightly, he shows up. Right on time to throw all your progress overboard. Right on time to make you question everything you thought you had figured out. 

“Hey Kihyun, ready for the lecture?” you replied as unfazed as you could muster.

“Please, when am I not.” 

You laughed. Hoseok was right, he could be quite the smartass. 

“But that’s not why I tried to catch up with you.” 

“Okay…” 

“Can we talk for a second?” He stopped walking and now stood before you. 

“Yeah sure, what’s up?” Now you were straight up scared. ‘Can we talk’ never was a good thing. Your stomach twisted and you felt the nervousness slowly rise inside of you.  

“I talked to Hoseok the other day and I think this might be the best idea.” So many questions rushed through your head. Kihyun talked to Hoseok? They were close? You had only seen them together like once apart from the times you forced those two together. Hoseok couldn’t have possibly snitched on you, right?  

“I just thought that he might help me out or give me some advice since you two seemed to be very close.”

“Okay…” This could only go wrong. Definitely only go wrong. “What did he tell you?” 

“To be honest he just told me to man up and suck it up.” Kihyun laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. His light brown hair refracted the light and some strands glowed golden in the early spring sun. 

“That does sound like him.” You smiled and noticed that Kihyun had started to avoid eye contact which was something he never seemed to have a problem with. Instead his eyes were all over the place, continuously wandering from your eyes downwards to then dart into a completely different direction. 

You had probably never seen him so flustered and it made you uneasy. Over time you had gotten so used to Kihyun’s normal overconfidence but now he seemed self-conscious and even a bit vulnerable.  

“It seems like nothing has really worked so far. So I feel like if I’m not gonna make it very simple you would brush over it again and just bring me coffee to class instead of going with me to the cafe I had in mind. Or bring Hoseok along with you to the mall.” He chuckled a bit and you were terrified of what he would say next. 

He took a deep breath. 

“I like you Y/N.”

There it was. Out in the open. Something you had tried to deny for longer than you should be comfortable with. There you had your answer. And now there was no way you could ignore it. He was able to muster the courage to tell you and you were always trying your best not wanting to face this possibility. 

Kihyun finally found your eyes again and you tried your best to not have your face be an open book, telling him every little detail that was going through your mind. The war inside your head, the shouting, the panic and the overall chaos of you trying to decide what to do. 

Again he averted his look but this time you finally realized where his eyes were trailing off to as yours started to do the same. His lips were parted slightly and ever so slowly you felt the distance between the two of you closing, right now you weren’t in control anymore as your body felt to be moving on it’s own until his face was only inches away from your own. 

Right before you closed yours you took one look into his stunning dark brown eyes, and the different shades of brown that were mixed in there, invisible unless you stared directly into them. 

He kissed you softly and finally, finally in forever your mind was quiet. 

No guilt, no anxiety, just the warm feeling of joy spreading through your body. 

He placed his hand tentatively on your cheek and your heart skipped more than just one beat. The soft touch of his lips and the warmth of his hand left you completely helpless. You wanted this moment to last forever, to not let go, but instead Kihyun pulled away from you. His face was slightly blushed and you could still feel his lips faintly on yours. His hand lingered on your cheek and his thumb continued to caress your cheek bone gently. He looked at you for a while, taking in what had just happened, before he spoke up again.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?”

“I think you already have your answer,” you said and grabbed his collar drawing him in into another kiss, this time less timid than the one before. 

Who you loved, you weren’t sure. But you didn’t have to be. Whatever part of your brain told you that you would have to decide right then and there if you loved Kihyun and if you really didn’t have any feelings left for Changkyun could just shut the hell up. You were so focussed on this question that you completely forgot how life really works. He didn’t say “I love you” simply because he couldn’t even know that yet. So why did you expect from yourself to be able to answer it already. Yes, part of you still loved Changkyun and would probably do so till the day that you die but that couldn’t stop you from liking Kihyun, from wanting to know more about him, from waiting to spend more time with him, from wanting to find out where this could lead you. 

So no, you didn’t know who you loved but you’d find out, in your own time, at your own pace.

[bitch-i-migth-be]

Crash Course | Chapter 06: That one weird uncle-godfather-almost-parent-figure-thingy that refuses to go away because you're a walking disaster and they love you to pieces (sometimes literally)

Fandoms: Danny Phantom, Batman,  

Relationships: Danny Fenton & Jazz Fenton,  Danny Fenton & Jazz Fenton & Vlad Masters, 

Characters: Danny Fenton, Jazz Fenton, Random ghosties mentions *boo*, Vlad Fucking Masters Everyone, OC. 

Words: 5′195

Tags: Sibling bonding, Shenanigans, Swearing, Quasi Family dinners, cuddling, ghost core shenanigans, OC, Ghost King Danny, Vlad being vlad

Chapter Summary: Vlad.exe has started ‘the scheming’. These kids are tired. And another agent of Chaos is here.

A/N: I can’t believe I can get away with using that title.

Why is no one stopping me?

As the writer, I reserve the right to withhold information for now. Remember what I said about taking liberties?? Yeah, still doing that. Roll with me, pls-

Good news! This and another chapter more before Gotham! Fucking finally.

-.-.-.-

THIS IS ON AO3, IF ANYONE WOULD PREFER TO READ THERE. LOVE COMmENTs  so if u have anything to say IwillBeReallyHappyYesThankU

CHAPTERS: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7

-.-.-.-

Vlad considered himself a man of simple pleasures.

If something caught his attention and would make him happy then he went and got it. 

Not caring about what other people might think about his choices. If his happiness was on the line what other people had to say was irrelevant. Unless said people were influential enough to affect his future, in which case he had to tread carefully. But he never gave up on what he had put his sights on. 

This way of thinking had accompanied him since he was a young lad and It didn’t seem like it was going to change anytime soon. If his experience with Jack and Maddie hadn’t made the trick he didn’t know what possibly could. 

At the time, meeting Jack Fenton at the University of Wisconsin had opened the door to new possibilities. The man got so pumped up that he seemed to exude cheer all over the place, it was a sharp contrast to the dull family Vlad had left behind in his search for higher education, for something better than the leftovers they hoped would make him happy. 

What Jack brought to the table was new. A field of study no one had ever researched before, not like this, not with proper scientific evidence.

So he had let himself get dragged along. Just to see what it was like. A shot in the dark, so to speak. 

It was enough to intrigue him.

To the point that Vlad, who until that point was gunning for a major in business, had upgraded to a double major to include engineering, with a personal-extra-side of whatever the hell he needed to know to make sense of the things Jack kept spouting around like a complete madman.   

With the proper knowledge, and even more intrigued, Vlad had come to realize that while Jack seemed like a goofball at first sight, there was some backbone to his theories. That had just sealed the deal. 

And then Maddie came along. crashing into them with all the brilliance of a shooting star.

Madeline, who had been the cherry on top. Beautiful, passionate, and headstrong. Well on her way to becoming an amazing engineer with the meanest right hook Vlad had ever seen.

He had become infatuated. It was almost laughable how hard he had hit the ground running with that one. 

It went downhill from there with him none the wiser.

They had shared hopes and dreams with Vlad in a way not even his blood family had. Become his best and only friends. And he was sure that with time and careful planning Madeline could become more.

Could anyone blame him for thinking this could be what a true family was like? For thinking that this was it. 

They had been his everything, and as such he would have done anything within his power to lay the world before them. 

Which made their betrayal hurt deeper.

He had failed to see, as submerged as he was in his little happy bubble and the research, the growing distance between them and him, the sneaking around, the way they had started to look at each other. The distraction that had lead to mistakes 

Irreversible mistakes.

Ones they hadn’t stuck around for. 

He had been a complete mess after that. 

He had carried on. Once out of the hospital he has persevered and achieved everything that got on his way, and if he used a little bit of ghostly help that was no one’s business but his. And maybe he would have been happy with that, but there was always that little thorn that seemed to be stuck to his core. He had tried to play the fool. It hadn’t worked. And it wasn’t even his style, to begin with.

So when the opportunity presented itself to try and fix some of what he had lost in the past, he took it.  

He had planned to barge in guns blazing. And he did. But he hadn’t been expecting the pair of scrawny teens he had been presented with. Much less for one of them to have been subjected to the same affliction that haunted his days. Just that the brat had it worse because it had been his parents who had half-killed him and not his best friends.

Vlad would find out later about what exactly happened in the Fenton’s basement and laugh bitterly while sipping cognac because that made it even more ironic. 

He had thought about it long and hard. And decided to accept the child as his apprentice and honorary son. The kid was in urgent need of some proper training. A pair of meals for him and his sister wouldn’t hurt either — as blind as he had been back then, he was coherent enough to still recognize the mistake that was letting either of his ‘friends’ in the kitchen. — He was deliberately choosing to disregard their parent’s crime in order to help them. 

He was amicable like that. Kind, even.

If only the ungrateful little badger cooperated.

jasmine, who had eventually realized what exactly was going on — The man had seen it coming from miles away, the girl was smart and her disaster of a brother kept stumbling around town as if he didn’t have a care in the world. It was distressing to witness. — and not just the surface passive-aggressive way they sniped at each other in public, would help him realize that he had been going all wrong about approaching Daniel.

He had been treating him like he used to treat the boy’s parents

The older Fentons had never treated him seriously, so he always had to find dramatic ways to make them go along with what he wanted. Come to think of it, he had done that with a lot of people…

So, he had unconsciously regressed to his college years. Never a good stage to revive. It had obviously led straight to disaster, and he might or might not have neglected his business in the meantime. Thankfully, Jasmine had taken it upon herself to snap him out of it. Trying to run for mayor in a town in the middle of nowhere. Him. A goddamned Billionaire. What was he even thinking?

Obsessions were a dangerous thing. He would need to be more careful in the future. 

To summarize, Jasmine had been, as much as it pained him to accept it, most helpful in their little chats on how to deal with teenagers.

Now, he realized, the desire to keep striving for his beloved Madeline’s hand was putting a dent in his interactions with the little badger, and even his sister would show reluctance if he went a little too far. And if he wanted to educate this childr- child, educate this child properly,   that was not going to help him to accomplish his goals.

He was a businessman. He knew when risks were acceptable. Knew what investments would not be profitable.

There was a reason he had managed to convince the University of Wisconsin to finance their research when there wasn’t any concrete proof of ghosts, a reason he had managed to become a millionaire. Other than sleight of hand. That is. 

In the end, the final choice was pretty obvious. 

Having his obsession slowly shift targets after meeting the kids had been quite the experience. 

Especially because he, self-made billionaire, the man on top of everything, who had fingers in all of the biggest pies out there, The Vlad Masters Himself, had not seen it coming. 

-.-.-.-

Vlad would love to say he exhorted the best place to eat out of the boy. But really. Once Vlad said he was paying Daniel was more than happy to shoot for the tastiest and expensive things the siblings normally couldn’t afford. Jasmine was not openly contributing to her brother’s effort to suck him dry of money, but she was not stopping him either. 

He didn’t have any proof those two could communicate telepathically but by this point, he felt he didn’t need any. They probably had some sort of silent signals. The sneaky little shits. 

The man didn’t mind. Not really. He got the brats all for himself, after all. It was a win-win situation. 

“So,” he started with a hum “What happened with the box ghost?” Vlad inquired

The boy glared at him. Vlad smirked. Jasmine was making a great job at feigning deafness while looking completely done with them.

“I dealt with him accordingly.”Danny glowered, stabbing his burger with a fork. The billionaire wasn’t sure if that was meant to make a point or the teen went feral on automatic these days even with his food. “The fuck, Vlad. I thought we were in peace mode.”

“Excuse you, child. I didn’t have anything to do with that. It was just making a simple question.” Which was mostly true, Vlad wouldn’t lower himself to the point of using such an annoying ghost as a lackey. He just liked to poke fun at little badger  “And even if I had, that was before I called a truce. It would have been completely valid.”

Daniel just grumbled, conceding the point, and continued mangling the food on his plate. The little heathen. 

Having lost the attention of the boy, he took a sip of his drink and turned to look at the other sibling. 

“You convinced them to do your research in ghosts, hm?”   

“Not like it was hard.” she was eating at a more sedate pace than her brother, but still a little faster than would be considered appropriate in polite company.  “Thanks to a pair of someones.” she sniffed at them. Danny smiled at her but kept his mouth closed and otherwise occupied with food. Vlad just hummed in quiet approval. 

“Good job.” then he frowned. “But also, why?”

“Why what?”

“Not the best place you could have chosen to do that, is it now?”

“Maybe not the most agreeable, no.” She conceded, reaching over to take a napkin. “But it is the best place for my purposes.” 

“Why though?” He insisted, hoping for a proper explanation.  

“Why not?” she retorted, the picture of innocence taking another bite. Vlad sighed and rolled his eyes, he kept forgetting she could be as bad as her brother sometimes. 

“Does it matter, old man? We are going anyway.” Daniel finally joined the conversation again, waving one of his french fries in an extremely judgy manner in Vlad’s direction “I didn’t pull all those strings in the zone for you to come complaining and think we are backing down just because you don’t like it.“   

“Oh ho, strings, you say?” Vlad mocked, “Would that have anything to do with the reason why Skulker came to me seeking refuge with his tail between his legs?”

Daniel almost choked on his next bite. Enough that Jasmine started looking worried, most likely about whether or not she would have to use the Heimlich on him. She relaxed when her brother finally sucked some air into his lungs just to immediately start laughing. 

“It does have some relation, yes” Jasmine took over for her brother, seeing as he was too busy making an impression of the lion king’s hyenas. It was a good thing they were in the more private part of the restaurant. “We, um, had to get creative.”

Vlad just raised both his eyebrows at her, and with a background of her brother’s cackles, she finally acceded to give in some ground. 

“I have a theory, and frankly, it would be faster if I do this in Arkham. For a bunch of reasons I don’t feel comfortable discussing at the moment.” Jasmine offered, “Plus, seeing as Danny is insisting on tagging along and at the moment he can’t really afford to leave Amity for longer than necessary-” Hearing that made Daniel come back from his endless snickering.

“Hey! don’t try to pin this on me. This was all you-!” 

After that, a free for all started between the siblings and Vlad stopped listening, feeling honest to the ancients offended. Couldn’t afford to leave longer? Please, Vlad could fix that in a jiffy, they just needed to ask- but nooo, the brats always had to go to the extremes for everything.

Although Vlad had to admit that Jasmine most likely had good reasons — If Daniel had said it, he wouldn’t even contemplate the validity of such a loose statement — for saying it would be faster doing it in Gotham- ugh, he had to stop himself from sneering just at the mention of the place. 

He had decided to open a branch office for one of his companies in the damned city and it had been nothing more than a headache in the last years. He had opted to send people over from the other branches to take care of everything rather than hiring people from Gotham to fill the spots available. 

After a pair of months of operations, it had become obvious that the place wasn’t working as smoothly as any of his other offices all over the world. 

It seemed like his employees didn’t have the spine to deal with the city’s threats properly. And hiring more Gothamites, who were guaranteed to have a spine on behalf of being raised in the place, would just make the mess bigger without him there to supervise. 

Which he hadn’t had the time to do. 

Come to think of it, the only reason he hadn’t taken it into his own hands was because-

His train of thought stopped right in its tracks, eyes snapping open as he took a long look at the kids in front of him. 

They seemed to have stopped discussing at some point, but the teenaged halfa was currently trying to steal some food from the plate of the young lady at his side. His sister, on retaliation, was moving her fork in an exaggerated stab motion to discourage her thieving little brother. 

“Oh,” he uttered under his breath, as good as speechless and unable to take his eyes off them. 

I didn’t take matters of Gotham into my own hands because of them.

The thought, and the implications that came along with it, struck him so suddenly that they left him startled enough to start laughing without care for present company. 

Oh, this was too good!

Daniel was watching him warily. As if Vlad showing any kind of amusement was a sign of danger. Which, considering, was fair enough. 

Jasmine just took the opportunity the distraction lent her to keep eating peacefully before her brother got any other funny ideas about food-thievery.  

Vlad put his elbow on the table, interlacing his fingers so he could rest his chin on the joined hands, smirking and allowing himself to let out some random chuckles from time to time. Seeing the boy get all ruffled up was fun. Especially when he hadn’t done anything yet.

‘Yet’ being the keyword.

Oh, this was going to work perfectly after all. 

-.-.-.-

After eating their fill and doing some more quasi civilized talking they finally got some dessert and the siblings took the opportunity to order some take-out to have for breakfast. It was never a bad thing to secure food beforehand, and Vlad had seemed agreeable enough. 

Way too agreeable if you asked Danny. But food was food, and there wouldn’t be no looking at horses’ mouths in this household, no sir. 

Vlad said his goodbyes claiming to have urgent business to attend to, and vanished into the night like the dramatic pseudo-vampire-ghost he had always aspired to be.

Why the man had bothered to come all the way to Amity Park if he had work to do was beyond Danny, but good riddance. His random giggles were starting to creep him out. 

Once he was sure the fruit loop was not coming back and they were truly alone on the sidewalk, the teen turned around to his sister and found her stifling a yawn on her hand. A quick look at his phone confirmed that it was already pretty late, and having a full stomach always made Jazz get all lethargic on him. He would too, but that was why he consumed coffee religiously, unlike his sister who preferred the occasional vitamin drink. 

So he resigned himself to playing pack mule yet again and let her lean on him so they could start their trek back home. A trek that would be slow as fuck, because Jazz kept insisting on using him as a pillow while they walked rather than focusing on using her feet properly. 

She was lucky he loved her and had ghost cheat codes to support her weight, otherwise the night would have ended very differently. 

Danny huffed and let her snug closer to him.

Now they just needed to sneak into the house without alerting their parents. 

Yey.

-.-.-.-

Jazz had to give it to Danny, he was the best cuddle partner she could have asked for in a brother. 

Though she could admit that her brother’s temperature could fluctuate wildly sometimes while sleeping because of his ghost-core-thingy or other random ghost power, whichever it was at the time had made it a little awkward for them to share sleeping quarters when one of them needed the comfort.

Luckily, they had found ways to deal with the temperature clashes. In summer it was easier to deal with them because in that season her brother’s often chilly nature was a complete godsend. Winter was trickier but there was nothing a pair of isolation blankets couldn’t manage, and when Danny’s powers decided to be contrary and transform him into a living heater, Jazz was more than happy to take advantage of it.  

They had a few space blankets too, Jazz was pretty sure Vlad had gotten those just for Danny, but her brother had been rather tight-lipped about them, even if he clearly loved them.    

So here they were, sprawled on the bed with Jazz’s arms firmly around her brother’s waist and half her face buried against his upper chest, rejoicing in the coolness emanating from the spot.

She had been awake for a little while but couldn’t make herself let go of her little bro. After they had sneaked in — after Danny had half-dragged her in — they had ended up crashing in her room. This for two important reasons, first because Danny’s room was still a mess after their parents threw all the equipment they could their way, and second because she had refused to let go of her newly acquired pillow. So her bedroom it was. 

Ugh, she would get hungry eventually and would have to go downstairs for their breakfast effectively separating her from the cuddles. Jazz released a little grumble and buried herself deeper into the embrace. 

The only up-side was that she would only have to heat their food and not make it from scratch. As long as she managed to avoid their parents and make it back upstairs she could rejoin her brother without interruptions and-

“Good morning, Princess Jasmine! ”

Wha-?

Jazz lifted herself and turned her head towards the voice so fast she immediately regretted it. There went her neck. she winced and raised a hand to carefully massage her nape. It would never work the same way again. At least she could see the source of the unfamiliar voice now and it left her perplexed.   

There was a ghost on the window sill. 

Why was there a ghost on their windowsill?  

As a general rule, most ghosts tended to stay the fuck away from the Fenton house once they got out of the zone, so this development was very strange. Then again, Jazz had never seen this ghost before. 

It was a female ghost, that was clear, and her hair-

Jazz had to blink a few times, completely awestruck at the number of colors her brain was trying to process at the same time.

She really had rainbow hair. What the-?

The apparent twenty-somethings female ghost had her hair done on a perfect half-up ponytail and displaying all the colors in the visible spectrum, she was clad in a cute summer dress that seemed to be patched up with- were those postage stamps? and a pair of lace-up sandals. She sat with one leg crossed over the other, a giddy smile stamped on her face. She was glowing. literally. 

Meanwhile, Jazz had not bothered to change clothes before going to sleep or even tied her hair up into a bun, and now it looked like she had gotten trapped in one of her parent’s ghost traps. She managed to stifle the urgent need of running to the nearest mirror to tame down her hair as much as she could. She was feeling tacky all of a sudden.  

Ugh. She felt like a hobo just looking at her. she had patches on her dress and she was still pulling it off. Maybe that was the ghost’s thing? making other girls felt like vagabonds with just her presence. Jazz blinked a pair of times, brain finally processing the other girl’s words, and becoming even more baffled by the living — animated? embodiment? — rainbow’s presence. 

Had she just called her ‘princess’?

“Um, hi?” Jazz finally greeted her, she sent a look to her still slumbering brother and debated on whether or not she should wake him. On one hand, he had been running himself ragged the last weeks getting everything in order so she was reluctant to do it. On the other hand, there was a ghost on the window. A rather cute one, but still.

Choices. choices.

The redhead turned her whole attention towards the ghost again. Well, she looks calm enough, and has not set anything on fire or attempted any kidnapping yet, so- 

“Sorry, I’m still rebooting. Do I know you?” Jazz went on, trying to get some sort of grip on the situation. 

“Not really, but I have heard plenty about you.” the ghost beamed, just to falter suddenly and offer a chagrined smile “I must have seemed very rude.” 

“My name is Iris.” She finally presented herself and jabbered on while pointing at the little cloth string bag resting on her hip. “I’m the Infinity Realms’ Official Messenger. And I have a few packages for both of you, my lady.” 

“The Zone’s messenger?” Jazz parroted back. She had never heard about a messenger in the zone, but it was a rather big place and there were things even Danny hadn’t heard about, so it was a possibility.  “And just Jazz is fine, thank you.”

The skittle girl just smiled. “Yes, I made the rounds earlier and there were some packages for the crown prince,” she said, confirming the reason for her presence in the room. 

Ok. She could deal with ghosts addressing her brother with titles. And messengers? messengers were fine in her book. She could deal. She got this. Still-

“Danny was in the zone yesterday, though? Why would they wait until now and not just take advantage of his visit?”

“There are some fragile things in here, and your brother seemed to be getting- uh, quite busy yesterday,” she replied, clearly amused. “The senders didn’t want to risk it. So here I am!” 

With that declaration, she opened her little bag and started to unload a staggering amount of packages and even some mail into neat little piles. Great, more things to pack. How some of them could get into such a tiny bag was a mystery, but that was probably just ghost zone physics. Or magic. Maybe both.

“Oh, thank you.” Jazz just conceded. It was better to just go along. Iris hummed in acknowledgment, still organizing everything and explaining to Jazz where each pile had come from and some extra information that the messenger had found interesting on her rounds. 

She was quite lively for a ghost.

“Pandora in particular was rather twitchy yesterday about not catching your brother for a chat. Did you know she is having a gathering next month?” Iris gushed at her in low whispers, with all the air of a gossipy neighbor that couldn’t separate himself from their windows. “It’s a shame you will not be accompanying them for the festivities.”  

“But Isn’t that just for amazons..?” Jazz asked from her seat on the foot of the bed, where she had moved to have a better view of the things the other ghosts had sent to Danny and her. 

“Yes.”

“…I think I missed something.”

“Haven’t you heard?”Iris giggled. Getting a pen and notepad out of her bag and starting to write something down, she presumably used that to keep inventory. “You are both part of Pandora’s honorary amazons.”

The redhead’s eyes widened. “She can do that-?”

“I mean she is the Queen of the Amazons on this side of the pond, so-” the messenger replied, tapping her pen against her chin and looking up in thought. 

“Wait, does that mean Tucker and Sam are honorary amazons too?” Jazz startled at the sudden sound of her brother’s voice coming from behind her. He was practically on top of her now, still looking half asleep but definitely awake now. She hadn’t even felt him move. 

“Good morning, Lord Phantom!” Iris beamed at him from her spot on the ground among the still growing piles. “For what its worth, I think so, yes.”

Danny couldn’t help himself. He started cackling. 

“Seriously, Danny?” She pursed her lips at him in disapproval.

“You don’t understand. They are going to flip, Jazz. Pandora can count me in.” He gushed, finally getting a hold of himself. 

“She already did. Weren’t you listening to me, My Crown Prince?” Danny sighed.

“I did bubblegums. Sounds amazing.” her brother had already given her a nickname, or many for what she knew, so he probably had met the messenger before this. “So you were talking about some go-away gifts” Jazz sighed and rolled her eyes.

“They are called farewell gifts, Danny” jazz corrected. 

“Whatever. It’s almost the same.” he waved his hand dismissively and looked down at what Iris had just laid down. “You got way too many things there. You are almost done or..? “

“Yep! I was actually just making time until you woke up.” She admitted sheepishly, lifting the last package that had come out of the bag and had been all by its lonesome amid the others and passing it along to the halfa. “Your Order is ready, Majesty!”

Jazz watched her brother extend a hand to take the package but his face reflected puzzlement at her words rather than excitement at finally receiving something he ordered.

“Direct from the FarFrozen and the Acropolis, Sir Casper!” 

With those words, Danny seemed to snap wide awake, “already?” He didn’t waste any time in seating properly and opening the package. Jazz took the opportunity to peer into it. 

“Jewelry?”

Danny jus hummed back in response and started examining the little jewelry box inside

“you ordered jewelry?” Jazz asked again, a little confused because even if his brother didn’t mind using the occasional accessory it was not like him to own them. Her brother —as well as herself — was more of a borrowing person “Ghostzone’s jewelry?”  

“Yep.”

“why?”

“why not?” Jazz debated tackling him to the ground and tickling him until he talked, but considering they had company the redhead didn’t know very well yet and thus was not completely comfortable around, forcing Danny to spill the tea would have to wait. 

The little shit probably knew it too and was openly smirking at her. 

“hey, colorfalls?” Danny called to Iris

“Yes, winter pools?”

“Am I imagining things or this is way more than what I asked for?”

“The crafters outdid themselves, didn’t they? The Pan Queen said it happened because you ‘didn’t specify for shit so you better suck it up, brat.’ The Yeti-man said something too, but it was long and boring, so I forgot~” She ended sheepishly.

“Well, that’s helpful.”

“wouldn’t they have explained it in the letters?” Jazz offered, bringing his attention to the pair of envelopes under the probably-handcrafted box. 

Danny grabbed them and grumbled. “Probably. But, ugh, reading.”

Jazz tried to snatch the letters from his hand. Danny dodged her lunge and moved the letters out of her reach. 

“Thought you didn’t want to read them.” Jazz sassed.

“That I don’t want to do it, doesn’t mean I won’t do it. There is a difference, carrot cakes.”  

“Well, get on with it then, cakesicle.” 

They could have continued sniping at each other, as they were fully prepared to do so until Iris talked again.

“I better get going and leave you to it. Places to be, gossip to spread. You understand.” She declared with a playful smile and hopped up from the ground and attached her cloth bag to her hip again. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss Jasmine.”

She made her way to the window waving her goodbyes as she went, the siblings waved back a little entranced by the sway of her hair. 

Danny looked thoughtful, he seemed unsure for a moment and ended up waiting until the last moment to call after her.

“Hey,” The girl turned around to raise an eyebrow at him in question. Danny smiled at her and pointed a finger towards her little cloth bag. 

"Do you think I could get one of those?”

-.-.-.-

“Jazz” 

“Yeah?”

“How long was she here for before I woke up?”

“She-” Jazz stopped herself and really thought about it. “I, I don’t actually now? I think she was already sitting on the window sill when I woke up”

Her brother had gone suddenly quiet, watching intently through the window Iris had just left. 

“She has a- quite bubbly personality. Good to know there is someone like her around.” She offered, trying to break the tense silence that had enveloped them. 

“I once saw her knock-out Walker from a single blow,” Danny replied, finally turning to look at his sister. Jazz’s eyes widened. 

“She what?”

“He threatened the network.” Danny deadpanned. “One does not simply threaten the network, Jazz” he stressed, seemingly trying to make the importance of a network she didn’t know anything about very clear to Jazz. 

“…That sounds really ominous.”

“She moves around human merchandise in the zone.” Danny explained, “She has- umm, I think you could say she has a thing for humans.”

“…”

“I’m not telling you this to make you wary of her.” Her brother said after the lack of a proper answer, carefully keeping eye contact with her. “Walker was being an ass, he deserved it. Jolly Beans is very helpful around the zone. Has even helped me with a pair of things. A real pal, she is. But-” Danny sighed and ran one of his hands through his hair in exasperation.

“Just- Just don’t mess with her gossip mags ” 

-.-.-.-

“Hey, Danny?” She probed, going through one of the ‘care packages’ that had been sent to them, “Do you think the ghosts know humans don’t wear these types of clothing anymore? They are cute, but-”

“I’m going to tell them.”

“Don’t you dare.”

-.-.-.-

ENDNOTES:

Say hello to Iris, everyone :)

She is one of my agents of chaos. She got the Job 5 minutes ago when she bitch slapped me with her bag and the pOssIbiLItieS.

(Not to be confused with intrepid reporter, Iris West, that might or might not appear here. )

-.-.-.-

Me, writing about sciency stuff, major and double majors like I know what I’m talking about: seems legit.

-.-.-.-

It’s fucking sad when the reasons you used to love someone end up becoming the same reasons you end up hating them.

-.-.-.-

I don’t remember if Vlad used Boxy as a lackey? If he did, let’s pretend he didn’t.

-.-.-.-

Vlad to Danny and Jazz through all this fucking fanfic:

-.-.-.-

The moment when your weird-murderous-uncle is actually more responsive to your ‘How-To-Parent’ talks than your actual parents.

Press F to pay respects.

-.-.-.-

I just want to let you know that one of the reasons Danny curses like a sailor is because he has a great respect for Pandora and that woman puts sailors to SHAME.

-.-.-.-

Did the show care about historical accuracy? no. Do I? That’s also a no.

-.-.-.-

The ghost jewelry will come back later to bite all of us. Be patient.

-.-.-.-

Danny is the Elsa to Jazz’s Anna.

-.-.-.-

UPdate on the JJ Ship!

I just imagined Bruce looking at this tiny (but feral) red-head psychologist interning in Arkham and seeing how good she is for Jason and just pulling a Mulan’s Grandma when Jason asks her to have dinner with them, like:

“WoulD YouU like TO sTAy FOREVEr?!?”

And Dick with, like, a banner and streamers behind him, fully supporting the notion.

And-aND! then on the eventual-some-years-in-the-future-engagement party:

Jazz: “Jay? Seems your family invited someone to help us celebrate the engagement.” Jason: “Really? Who?” Jazz *Opening the door that leads to the Mansion’s garden that is currently full to the freakin’ brim and deadpanning*: “Gotham.”

{(And all the fucking league. Let’s be real people-)}

Can u Imagine the wedding? The absolute chaos?? If you think the ghosts aren’t crashing the party or even demanding to hold a ceremony in the zone u are a FOOL.

bECAUSE If DanNo is theIr HighKING, Guess who is their MoTHErFUCkING PRINCESS.

It’s what she deserves.

My god, Jazz would look so pretty in a wedding dress.

I’m crying.

Danny would definitely sob.

Send tissues.

-.-.-.-

Great.

Now I want to write about the wedding and they haven’t even met in here yet.

*wishful sighing*

The struggles of a shipper-

-.-.-.-

These goddamned endnotes are getting bigger and bigger.

-.-.-.-

I’m still thinking over Danny’s SO. Guess who. Yes. You are right. It’s the Demon Spawn. You KNOW who I mean. I didn’t make them be a year apart in age just for the giggles. Like, I was aiming for Bros Wreaking Havoc when I started this but then The Shipper Feels struck me dead plus-if-Jazz-is-getting-a-wedding-out-of-this-then-why-the-fuck-not and here we are. What do u think?? Because it’s most likely happening. Though, this one is going to burn slowly, because these boys.

And, wtf. Why didn’t anyone tell me Bruce and Selina almost got married?? I don’t know what happened to prevent it but I cAlL foUl.

Who wants a wedding. I want a wedding.

-.-.-.-

Me: Writes like 40 pages of this fic Also me: They are random scenes in different chapters and I’m still struggling to wrangle everyone into some sense of order and coherency.

The first twenty-something chapters already have titles and brief summaries so that’s something?? I can’t see the light at the end of this tunnel.

If you have ideas about things you would like to read about? Between the Bats and the DP Characters? Interactions and blabla? You can write them in the comments and I will see if I can fit some in :D

I have more or less decided where this is going, but I still need to enrich the chaps, SO, this might take a while. The good thing is that they will probably be way better now that I have Some Plot and I’m not just running blind all over the google doc.

-.-.-.-

Really, tho, if you have some headcanons about the characters? Bless. I need help with Steph and slightly less with Cass.

I have some plans for Cass. Steph is the one worrying me.

-.-.-.-

Chapter 9 will be their arrival to Gotham! I. am. happy.

[fuckyeahisawthat]

god’s ineffable game

Let’s talk about God in Good Omens.

“…God does not pay dice with the universe. I play an ineffable game of my own devising. For everyone else, it’s like playing poker in a pitch-dark room, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won’t tell you the rules and who smiles all the time.“

I feel like we don’t give God enough credit for telling us exactly who she is with this line. Yes, it’s funny and said in a breezy Frances McDormand voice, but it’s also kind of terrifying. That game does not sounds like a fun game for anyone but God, for whom it’s probably hilarious. And I think this really sets the tone for God in Good Omens (the TV series, at least).

Good Omens opens up the possibility that God is cruel. She is, at the very least, indifferent to a lot of human suffering, and is sometimes in the business of causing it. Her punishments are harsh, indiscriminate and irreversible. This is a God who drowns children to make a point. She admits that her creations fear her, and does not seem to have a problem with that. She’s capricious with damnation and forgiveness. (Crowley fell for asking a few questions and hanging out with the wrong crowd; Aziraphale straight up gives his flaming sword away and that’s fine.) She doesn’t seem to mind that her angels behave horrifically, from mundane bullying up to summary execution.

She is not merciful. She provides no answers, not even to the faithful. She does not come to the aid of those who call on her. Crowley tells Aziraphale that he shouldn’t count on God to come and fix things, and he’s right. At times, God seems downright sadistic. (Think about the plant scene as some kind of traumatic reenactment of Crowley being cast out of Heaven. Then think about the fact that God herself is narrating this scene in a tone of detached amusement. That’s fucked up!)

One of the reasons that Crowley is such a sympathetic character is that he asks the same questions that any person who has both faith and compassion would ask. (The idea that a demon is the moral center of the story is a think for another post.) If God is all-powerful and all-knowing, why is there so much suffering in the world? Is God actively causing the suffering? Why? Does she just not care? Why doesn’t she make it stop?

Ah, you say, but God has a plan! All these things are happening for a reason; we just don’t know why. But here’s the thing. A God with a secret plan, a vindictive God who wants us to suffer, and no God at all...they’re all functionally indistinguishable from down here on Earth. The result is the same. We suffer and we don’t know why. By definition, we cannot know why, if there is a reason at all.

Saying God has a plan does not actually let her off the hook for the pain that happens on Earth. Have you ever been going through something shitty and had someone tell you everything happens for a reason, that God has a plan for you? It’s not very satisfying. All it does is make you think that God’s plan sucks. Maybe, in the end, haha, God planned it all to work out a certain way, very clever. And you can sort of use that idea to...let God off the hook for all the bullshit along the way, but you don’t have to. (And narratively, I think Good Omens is more interesting if you don’t.) Maybe God had a plan for it to work out in the end, but it still sucked along the way and you are allowed to be angry that you suffered.

So what happens when you introduce the possibility of a cruel but ultimately unknowable God into a deeply humanist work like Good Omens? A few things, I think.

One, I think Good Omens makes the point that it is right to be angry about the suffering that exists in the world, and that, if you believe in God, it is okay to be angry with God about it. Even if there are no answers to be had about the why, the question deserves to be asked. We shouldn’t just accept the cruelties and injustices around us because someone said this was how it had to be.

Two, anyone who says they know for sure what God wants, who claims with certainty that a particular type of person or behavior is close to or like God, is full of shit and probably has their own agenda. A little doubt in your own worldview now and then is healthy, and absolute certainty should be regarded with suspicion.

Three, we cannot count on God to save us. It’s up to human agency to make the world a better place.

And here’s the thing. All of these points are made without shitting on anyone who believes in God. Some of these characters literally know God is real! They still have questions! And that’s a good thing! They ask the biggest theological questions, in fact. Why does suffering exist? What is the nature of good and evil? Is it possible to know God’s will? If it is not possible to know what God wants, by what moral framework do we conduct ourselves?

In fact, I would argue that using a version of God who actually can be rather horrible strengthens the humanist arguments Good Omens is trying to make. Because it forces us to not rely on God, or those who claim to be God’s agents, as reliable arbiters of right and wrong, good and evil...which is kind of the whole point of the story.

While the narrative of Good Omens leaves itself open to the “actually God planned it this way all along” interpretation, I don’t, personally, think it’s the most interesting one. I think the more interesting questions are along the lines of: What kind of life would you lead if you believed God had forsaken you? (Not if you didn’t think God was there, but if you knew God would not help you or clarify anything for you.) What then becomes important? What sort of person do you decide to be, when you don’t have any choice but to be on your own side? And who do you want on that side with you?

[theangelofangst]

Switch To Save The World

This may not be good, knowing how long it’s been since I wrote for Gravity Falls but here it (randomly) is. I hope you all enjoy it! =)

---------------------------------------

For the first few minutes, the two of them just stood there in silence. Both of them mulling over Ford’s words in their heads as Bill’s fortress shook with tremors from his terrifying pursuit of the kids. Stan couldn’t believe it, after all they did. After everything they went through to get this far — even if Stan had been against it at first— had all been for nothing. Because now they only have two choices. It was either let Bill kill Dipper and Mabel or let the whole world suffer for choosing family over everyone else. They were all now caught between a rock and a hard place, literally everyone’s chance for survival were on Ford’s shoulder.

His brother was going to have to make an irreversible decision, on that was going to doom the entire world.

Two options.

Stan didn’t like either of them

 “What other choice do we have?”

Those words from his brother made Stan tightly grip the bars on their triangle shape prison, until his knuckles turned white. His chest ached with unyielding frustration knowing that surrendering and willingly letting the end of the world happen was all they could do now, that their one last chance to defeat Bill was gone, thanks to him. If only he hadn’t been so damn stubborn, if only he hadn’t let his bitterness towards Ford get the best of him.

If only he wasn’t such a screw up.

“There’s nothing in your mind he wants. It has to be me.”

Half of the reason this was happening was Stan’s fault. he should be able to do something. Anything, the kids and even more so the world shouldn’t have to pay for his mistakes. Eyes still gazing at the ground, Stan looked up and saw the bars on their prison were casting his reflection. Slowly, he glared at himself, about ready to let another slough of insults his way. When he looked to his left and saw Ford’s reflection next to his.

“If I didn’t have this damn plate in my head, we could just erase him completely with the memory gun when he steps inside my mind.”

Within seconds, Stan’s eyes widened in shock. Within seconds, he realized something. It was as if someone flipped a switch and an idea popped into his head, it shined, like a light bulb. It was a something so simple that he could physically kick himself for not realizing it faster.

Him and Ford were twins. Identical twins.

Oh fucking duh!

It was so obvious. How had the idea not come up sooner?

“Hold on a fucking second.” He said aloud, grasping at Ford’s arm to get his attention.

“What?” He heard his brother return, almost sounding concerned. “Stan—“

“Stanford. You and I are twins.”

Ford blinked at him and gave him an owlish kind of expression confused. “Yes? And?”

Stan huffed, frustrated that Ford wasn’t seeing the big picture here. C'mon Sixer, your suppose to be the smart one. “Remember when we were 14 and we pretended to be each other to see if Pa really did love us enough to tell us apart?”

“Yes, of course but I don’t see how that helps us now—”

Ugh, how was Ford not getting this!? “Poindexter, you maybe a genius but god your an idiot.” Stanley pinched the bridge of his nose with his finger tips and sighed. “Look do you trust me?” That sentence, Stan noticed left Ford to pause for a few seconds and Stanley tried to not let it show much that hesitation hurt. “I’ll rephrase then. Do you trust that I have a plan?”

Ford blinked at him and for a moment Stan thought his brother was gonna say no. But to his relief Stanford nodded a few seconds later.

Stan returned the gesture, taking off his Fez. “Okay, now take off your clothes and let’s work on getting you and I to sound like each other.”

•

•

•

“So your plan is to pretend to be me and make a deal with Bill?” Ford asked as they both exchanged clothes.

“Ya said it yourself, Sixer. There’s nothing in my mind he wants, Stanley’s mind is worthless, but if you and I switch places and let that triangle think I’m you then while he’s inside my brain, you can use that memory thingy and erase him.” Stan explained as he tugged his brother’s turtleneck over his head. “That way the kids will be safe and the entire world won’t be enslaved by a Dorito.” Stan felt himself smiling, feeling oddly proud of himself that he was finally able to do some good for once in his life instead of just screwing up like usual. “Pretty good plan, huh?”

“Yes, Stanley. But—” Out of his peripherals, he saw Ford looking at the ground.

“But what?”

“Using the memory gun. It won’t just erase Bill. Using it on you… it’ll erase you. There will be nothing left of you. You’ll be nothing but a hallow shell of who you used to be.”

Oh

Shit

He forgot about that part.

That did make him hesitate for a few seconds, because there would really be nothing left of him? Nothing left of who he had once been? But as the walls of Bill’s fortress. He knew they didn’t have much time, that this was their best option, and it was do or die now. Taking a breathe, Stanley steeled himself, squaring up his shoulder, he exhaled with a huff. “Stanley Pines died a long time ago, what’s makes this any different?”

He heard Ford intake a sharp breathe, “You– You don’t… All your memories, Stan? Will be gone, you won’t remember who you are. You won’t remember the kids, the town or Ma and Pa… me. Nothing.” Stanley almost had to do a double take because it almost, almost sounded as though, Ford sounded concerned. “Are you really willing to do all that?”

Stan swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, as raised his hands to his hair and tried his best to make it look like Ford’s. The same train of thought coming back and breaching through the cracks of his courage, yes it was indeed a scary concept. The thought of forgetting the kids, his parents, Soos and Wendy, even Gomper and Waddles? Thoughts trailed through his mind, everything becoming a storm over a windy sea. What would become of him once he lost everything, lost himself? What would he do? Who would he be, if Stanley Pines would be gone forever?

But this wasn’t about him, it’s never been about him. He was doing this for the kids, for his weird ass town that he loved so much, for the world.

And for Ford too.

“After all the mistakes I made, Ford. All of my screw ups. Breaking your project, pushing your through the portal, basically ruining your entire life…” Stanley swallowed yet again, this time he turned to Ford and looked his brother in the eyes and smiled. "This is my redemption. My chance to finally do something right, to for once in my entire life not be a fuck up to everyone around me. To save the kids, you and the world. We have to do this, I have to do this.” Stanley bent down, picking up Ford’s coat and belt and quickly put them on. “Besides, you did say that you wanted your name back, your house back. This way, everyone wins.”

He hadn’t meant that last comment to sound harsh. He was just stating a matter of fact. But Ford flinched away as though he’d been slapped all the same.

“Stanley…”

Despite himself, Stan laughed. Walking over to his brother to adjust the tie around Ford’s neck. Then he plucked his Fez that Ford held in his hands and placed on his brother’s head. “Careful, Sixer. You almost sound like you care.” Gently, he reached forward with both his hands and took off their glasses and switched them.

“I’m gonna be like Spock from Star Trek, Poindexter. Savin’ friends and family. Babes dig that.”

He expected Ford to at least chuckle at his joke at the most since it was good, but instead as his eyes adjusted to his brother’s prescription glasses, the only thing he saw on his twin’s face was— Stanley blinked, surprised to see guilt and sadness on his brother’s face. And then it was like everything around them stopped. “Sixer?”

“I…I was wrong.” Was all Ford could say before he had to stop and swallow loudly. And just for a moment, it looked as thought Ford was either gonna hug him or start crying with how hard he was shaking. “Everything negative I ever thought about you. Everything negative Pa ever told me about you. All my bitterness and anger towards you. Was wrong, I was wrong. Stanley, I—”

A loud bang abruptly echoed through the fortress, cutting off whatever Ford was about to say. Then Stan’s heart almost ceased in his chest when he heard the echoing screams of Dipper and Mabel.

As much as Stan appreciate Ford’s words, appreciated his twin’s sudden change of thought of him. They couldn’t do this right now. “I ‘ppreciate what your trying to say, Ford. But right now isn’t the time to have a heart to heart. Bill has the kids, we have to do this now. So shut up, and mimic me like we did when we were kids.”

The sudden command in Stan’s tone made Ford clamp shut immediately, eyes downcast to the floor, a frown on his face. Stan wanted to give his twin some sort of comfort but as they practiced with what little time they had left to sound like the other, Stanley realized that sadly, they were out of time.

And as they heard and more so felt the rumbles of Bill approaching them, Stanley took one last look at Ford, giving his brother’s shoulder a light squeeze and asked with a smile. “Do you trust me, Sixer?”

And this time he didn’t deny himself the heartache he felt when Ford look back at him, eyes shining with tears before he wiped them away with his sleeve. Regret on his face. “Yes.”

“Good, now let’s save the world.”

[velvetgons]

smoulder

yoonbin x reader

word count; 6.1k 

warnings; hmm slight angst, fluff, i’m soft for yoonbin? not clickbait!, small kissing scene 

song; the universe we dreamt - matt dimona and spell - niki :) 

requested; yes! thank you [requests are open] 

a/n; are we...do we have a tag for the lineup yet.....or not...i...please let me know

As a person who enjoyed spending time with their friends and getting new experiences, it wasn’t at all surprising that you had such an affinity for the carnival that came to your city once a year for a week in the summer. Ever since you were old enough to know about its existence, you’d whine and complain until someone would take you there for a minimum of two of those days. Things hadn’t really changed too much since then, only that now you were older and it didn’t take adult supervision for you to be allowed to spend almost the full week down at the carnival with your friends.

In this sense, you always saw yourself as immensely lucky for finding a friend like Jihoon. He loved the things you disliked about the carnival; he basked in the sheer amount of noise coming from the different attractions and he found some kind of pure enjoyment from the slow shuffling of the crowds around him. But, most importantly of all, he was always willing to spend as much time as you wanted to there, which generally resulted in the two of you dragging more of your verging on unwilling friends to spend the full week in the business of it, too.

The carnival would start on the first Monday of the third week into your summer break from school, and end on the Sunday following. The memories that came with the carnival were one of your favourite things about it, both making them and getting to remember some of the moments you’d forgotten about in the stress that came with your daily schedule of classes. Last summer had been one of your favourites of them all, mostly because you adored the moments where you and Jihoon got the chance to have a meaningful conversation.

And, if you were honest with yourself, maybe the conversation you’d had with Jihoon as the carnival closed on the final Sunday was what made the trepidation and desperation for this week to be as childish and untouched as all of the others so prevalent for you. The sky was getting to be a deep blue by the time you’d both finally began to drag yourself in the directions of your homes, the smell of cotton candy and popcorn still lingering on the both of you as you spoke quietly about future plans. In the moment that you turned onto your street, Jihoon’s arm thrown across your shoulder as he grew quieter, doe eyes catching yours as he mumbled something you almost didn’t hear, you’d sworn to yourself that these moments were something you truly didn’t want to stop having.

“I don’t wanna grow up and apart from you guys,” he’d said softly, and when you’d stopped by your front door to ask him what that meant, he’d simply shrugged. “Every adult seems to just, give up on having close friends. I’m scared, you know, that we’ll all be like that.” He hadn’t given you much chance to respond before he’d insisted on being home on time, ruffling your hair before offering you a quick, “At least we’re always gonna have the carnival, huh?”

As cliché as you realised it was, you’d clung onto that sentiment, especially as the fear grew within your chest over this year’s carnival. It was, as you had to accept at some point, the last one you were all going to be able to spend together before you had to get serious about your futures. Jihoon and more of your friends were going to be idols, you had full faith in that, and some more of your friends were going off to further their educations, or to travel. It didn’t matter, really. Things were moving forward and this was the moment you’d been building yourself up to.

You tightened your grip around the water bottle in your hand, eyes glassing over slightly as you stared at the park’s table, the resounding sound of Doyoung’s voice hitting your ears. “After all these years, you’re still allergic to the idea of fun?”

You heard Yoonbin scoff, your eyes already moving to narrow at him, knowing he’d be expressing his distaste for the carnival week as he always did on the countdown before. “It’s not even that great,” he shrugged, “it’s just, a street with a lot of noise on it.”

“Uh,” you heard your friend who was planning to leave and travel the world as soon as the carnival week was up, Lisa, begin, “there’s rides, so your point isn’t valid.”

You laughed softly, watching as Yoonbin glared over at you, “I don’t know what you find so funny.”

Shrugging, you set the water bottle down onto the surface of the table, “I don’t know why you always come if you hate it so much.”

His eyes narrowed even further at you, his expression turning into a full scale scowl as he rolled his eyes at you, “It’s not like I have much choice. If I didn’t show up, Jihoon would come and make me, so, my options are limited, aren’t they?”

You couldn’t really think of a response to that, you knew he was actually right in this instance, but his constant onslaught of negativity made your built-up anxiety for this week to elevate. Part of you wanted Yoonbin to never talk to you, because it seemed he couldn’t say a single word to you without sarcasm and cynicism dripping from his tone – but the other part of you knew he wasn’t like that, not really. He’d only shown you the nicer side of himself once, as you supposed you had done the same with him; when he’d accidentally walked in on you crying in a bathroom at a party because you’d seen the boy you liked kiss someone else, and he’d dropped himself to sit beside you on the floor and let you cry on his shoulder until you were ready for him to walk you home.

Maybe you had a slight affection for him because of that, maybe you just thought he was nice to look at, but whatever the feeling was didn’t matter; he was uninterested in anything to do with you unless it was the two of you digging at one another until one of your friends interrupted. Strangely, the tension between the two of you had never caused much more than a layer of comical annoyance to build in your friendship group, which, even more irritatingly so, was entirely and irreversibly conjoined.

From the moment Jihoon had met Yoonbin and Doyoung, he’d dragged them into your friendship group, giving you no chance to get away from him since. When you thought about it, you didn’t really know who started the arguing in the first place, but you put the blame onto Yoonbin. Glancing back over at him, you saw he was occupied in a conversation with Jihoon, and you took the small space of time to admire him quietly. If he treated you like he treated all your other friends, you assumed you’d probably have one of those classic school-girl crushes on him. Because, as you had to consistently remind Lisa, you didn’t, under any circumstances, have any form of feelings towards him currently other than the irritation that he seemed to detest you for an unknown reason.

You felt an elbow dig into your side, and you turned your line of sight over to Lisa sat beside you, her eyebrows raising at you as she followed your previous vision to Yoonbin. You bit back a laugh as you lightly smacked her arm, “No, stop it,” you grumbled, attempting to make your moodiness seem convincing.

Lisa’s laugh met your ears as she rose to her feet, you following suit as everyone else seemed to be doing the same. Jihoon knocked his shoulder into yours as he fell into to walk beside you, “So, we’ve got two hours before it opens, I’m thinking we should spend it at my house this year.”

///

You groaned as you lay sprawled out on Jihoon’s bed, your fingertips stretching out above your head to ever so slightly brush one of the plushies placed neatly on the made sheets. You’d spent the last two hours re-watching a movie you’d both seen a million times by now, and now you were waiting around for him to finish up picking a jacket so you could finally leave to go get your other friends and get to the carnival.

“It’s literally just a jacket, Jihoon, you’re not even gonna need one.” You grumbled, pulling yourself to sit up, your shoe-clad shoes tapping against the floor of his room.

He hummed, yanking an old blue hoodie off a hanger in his closet, “The temperature drops as the sun goes down, doesn’t it? And who’ll be warm and toasty in a nice cosy jacket when the happens?”

You shrugged, lips curling into a mock frown, “Not with this much global warming it won’t.”

“Ah,” Jihoon began, shutting his bedroom door behind the both of you on the way out, “that’s an intelligent point, well done.”

A laugh past your lips as he followed you downstairs, your hand curling around the handle of the front door, pulling it down as you looked back to catch his eyes, “Thank you, I try.”

The walk to gather your friends individually was tedious, and completely unnecessary in your mind, you didn’t understand why you couldn’t all just meet at the actual carnival, but you did it anyway. By the time Yoonbin joined the group, a surge of nerves ran through you, unsure of whether or not he’d end up bringing the mood down this time, even if he’d never done it before. You found yourself slipping into silence over most of the walk, focusing instead of looking over at each of your friends to see their bright grins – your eyes lingered on Yoonbin for a moment too long, seeing him wrapped up in a seemingly idyllic moment, a smile that went all the way to his eyes lighting up his features as he walked slightly ahead of you.

Reaching the beginning of the carnival street, you felt yourself tense just slightly at the sight of the forming crowds, reaching over to curl your hand into Jihoon’s. He noticed, squeezing your hand once as he tugged you as close to him as the heat would allow, “I’m right here, okay?”

You looked over at him, feeling your heart tighten a little at the words, a nod moving from your body before you could begin to form a comprehensible sentence to him. Multiple voices met your ears at once, some from the crowd of people around you and others – the more intelligible ones – coming from your friends asking where you were all going first. Doyoung wanted to go to the Ferris wheel, as he did every single year. The lack of any other ideas meant you were all in agreement, heading straight over to the line, still short as more people began arriving after the opening.

“Yoonbin? You not coming?” You heard Doyoung say as you reached the line, looking over to see Yoonbin stood outside the line’s railings.

He shook his head, “This one’s boring, I’ll sit it out.” You rolled your eyes at him, watching his eyes narrow at you as you did.

As usual, you went to pair yourself with Lisa, as Jihoon and Yedam kept up their tradition of going on the Ferris wheel together every year. Except, as you turned to stand beside her, you found yourself floundering, unable to spot the girl amongst the boys in your friendship group. The front of the line was growing closer, causing bouts of panic to move through you as you turned to Doyoung, “Where did Lisa go?”

“She said she wanted to go grab candy for all of us before the line got long, remember?” Doyoung informed, tilting his head at you as the final pair in front of you joined. In general terms, you were sure if you were insistent the man controlling the ride would probably let you go on by yourself, but you both didn’t want to be alone on it, and you highly doubted you had it within you to be pressing enough. It was always the same unspoken rules at the carnival, every single year, most rides you had to go on in pairs because it got too busy and they didn’t have enough people working it otherwise.

The man with the carnival work shirt on rose his eyebrows at you, gesturing forward as you stepped passed the gate, seating yourself in the cart as anxiety made your stomach turn flips. You breathed in sharply, feeling the man look from you back to the line, “Who are you riding with?”

You stuttered slightly, mouth unable to form words as the idea of holding the line up began to bite into you. Your eyes fell to the floor as you struggled to find anything to say, imagining the scenario of how embarrassing it would be to get kicked off the first ride in the day in front of everyone.

You heard a deeper voice interrupt the tense silence, “Sorry, sorry, I had to stop to tie my shoelace, I’m with her.”

Glancing up from where you’d been tapping your foot against the metal frame underneath you, you saw Yoonbin had push himself into the line, and was raising his eyebrows at the man expectantly. The man sighed, “Alright, okay, go ahead.”

Yoonbin dropped to sit beside you, sighing slightly as he did so, reminding you ever so slightly of how warm he’d been next to you that night at the party. You felt the blush underneath your cheeks keep their place, embarrassment at him making fun of you for this digging into your skin as the bar was placed down in front of you both. The wheel began to turn again, and you kept your eyes everywhere except for falling to him.

He scoffed under his breath, “Not even a thank you?”

You wanted to narrow your eyes at him, tell him you didn’t ask him to do that for you, but you couldn’t quite find the burn to do so. It wasn’t like either of you were going to be seeing much of each other after this summer came to a close anyway. “Thank you,” you said softly, not looking away from the view beneath you.

“Whatever,” he grumbled, slumping himself back slightly in the cart as it continued to move, stopping occasionally for people at the bottom to get on and off. As you reached the top, you felt yourself pull in a pointed breath, seeing the buildings and people spread out in front of you. The sight made you both nostalgic and slightly sad, remembering all the different things you’d done and experienced in the town with your friends and by yourself. The swarm of memories made your eyes glass over with a thin layer of tears, and you used your index finger to swipe it away as casually as you could.

You felt Yoonbin’s eyes on you, making you keep your vision focused away from him even more intently. “Are you, okay?” You heard him ask quietly, and you nodded immediately in response, not trusting your voice to remain even as you didn’t look at him.

He didn’t speak again. Neither did you. Your cart reached the bottom again as you both got off, and you found your feet rushing ahead of him to reach your other friends. Lisa was grinning at you as you reached her, probably thinking of a way to tease you about Yoonbin as you forced a childish giggle past your lips in retaliation. The feeling that was pressed to you now would fade, you knew that; it would fade because your friends would give you something else to think about, as they always did.

Yoonbin re-joined the group along with you, his eyes not leaving your form as he ignored Jihoon’s small tease of, “I thought you found Ferris wheels boring?”

The rest of the day didn’t grow boring, it never did, but it did fill you with a sense of nostalgia and a dulled down version of panic. The crowds and noise surrounding you, for once, causing you no anxiety, your mind too consumed with being as completely in the moment with your friends around you as possible.

“Now that it’s getting slightly darker,” you heard Jihoon begin, your eyes shifting to look up at the sky, which had fallen from the bright blue it had remained all day to a muted version of itself.

Yedam scrunched his face up in slight confusion, “It’s not dark at all.”

Jihoon shushed him, turning back to face everyone else as a grin took over his features, “Now that it’s getting darker,” he began again, “I think it’s time we went to the haunted house.”

The group had mixed reactions then, some of them groaning in protest to the familiar visit, and others beaming at the idea of the excitement it brought with it. A bright laugh made you all turn to Lisa, who grinned over at you before speaking, “I think, we should do it, but, we should pick each other’s partners for it.”

You felt your stomach drop immediately, your eyes falling on Yoonbin before you glared over at Lisa, hearing the rest of the group laugh in agreement. The immediate idea between all of them, of course, was that Yoonbin and you would go in together last, to make sure the tension was really built up. Even through your attempts to not spare Yoonbin a single glance, you found yourself cautiously observing him for a visible reaction, seeing him furrow his brows before going to interject on the plan. He was immediately silenced by Junkyu beside him, who nudged him with his elbow lightly and said something you could only imagine was related to loosening up and having fun.

Time seemed to blur in front of you as the pairs in front of you both went in and came out, either complaining that it wasn’t scary enough or that it was too much. In all honesty, you wished you could just have a normal haunted house, like amusement parks had, where you could go in, walk through a hallway and maybe up and down a flight of stairs while things jumped out at you. But, as always, things couldn’t be exactly as you wanted them, that was far too selfish of you to assume. Instead, you had to go room by room to find some form of amusement from the building, getting jump-scared by different things in each. You reached the front, your worry for this day having been forgotten and turned over into annoyance with your friends for making you do this.

Yoonbin was tensed up beside you, and you wondered for a second if he was scared to go into the haunted house, but you doubted it, he’d never been particularly scared of them in the years before. You were gonna make the assumption that it was because he had to go in with you. You reached the front with him, watching as he told the person taking the money that you didn’t need the rules explaining to you before you headed inside.

The first two rooms passed by in a relative blur, although you’d decided after a couple minutes of entering the house that you should count every single time Yoonbin scoffed or rolled his eyes at either you or the concept. You headed back into the hallway from the second room, the lighting making you stumble slightly, knocking your knee against the side of a bookcase as you turned too quick, hissing slightly in pain. You heard Yoonbin mumble something underneath his breath, walking past you to go to the third room, and you wondered if you should class that as a scoff. You decided to go on the safe side and add it to the list, knocking the count up to seven.

Passing the doorframe to get into the room seemed like a mistake as soon as you did it, hearing the door slam behind you as you jolted in surprise. “Seriously? You come here every single year for seven days and that still scared you?” You heard Yoonbin dig, making you glare over at him as your shoulders tensed in aggravation.

“It’s not my fault you’re so robotic that loud noises don’t phase you,” you huffed, feeling the sting in your knee from earlier still running through you as you wanted this walk through to be finished as soon as possible. “Why are we even going to the rooms if you don’t wanna be in here?”

He blanched for a second, glancing around before he lifted his shoulders in a dismissive shrug, “Fine, let’s just go to the exit.”

Yoonbin took a confident step forward to go past to you as the projector switched on, the twisted image of a woman screaming being put onto the blank wall in front of you. This drew little to no reaction from either of you, the both of you knowing from past experience that this happened in the third room. He didn’t pause his movements for very long, taking another step past you and reaching for the handle of the door, tugging it on roughly, pulling it back. The door didn’t budge, however, and he retried the action of pulling it back a couple more times as his moves grew vaguely frantic at the lack of a result.

You stepped forward, peering around his frame to see what was happening as he began to push on the door, checking to see if this did anything different. He turned back to glance at you as nothing happened once again, seeing a look of panic gather on your features as he knocked on the wood surface of the door a few times, hearing a patter of footsteps approach from the other side.

The door handle moved as the person from the other side evidently attempted to open it, seeing it keep to its closed place. Loud banging sounds moved through the space of the room that felt as though it was beginning to grow smaller, before everything went back into silence, your eyes going back to the where the projected image had been, having been turned off and reset for the next lot of guests now.

From inside the room, you could hear what sounded like fragments of a conversation, leading you to assume whoever was running the haunted house was radioing someone else. A muffled voice cut into the atmosphere a few drawn out seconds later, “Uh, okay, so, we’re gonna get some help to get the door open because it’s, well, it’s snapped, somewhere, our apologies. Is everybody okay in there?”

You watched with your bottom lip between your teeth as Yoonbin glanced back over at you, “Yeah, we’re fine, just, how long is it gonna take? To get the door open?”

You heard more indistinct radio chatter before the voice spoke again, “Not long, not long, we’ve just gotta get some tools to pry it open, you know, so, maybe, about half an hour.”

The answer both relieved you and caused a large bout of panic to go through you again. Half an hour, realistically, wasn’t that great a period of time, and so you wouldn’t be trapped in a confined dark space with a boy who hated you for very long. But this also meant that things weren’t going to go to plan with your friends, and now this would probably ruin the haunted house for the rest of the week, and that would mean you wouldn’t be able to go through it with Jihoon or anyone else again before Sunday. The idea filled your chest with a desperate and dramatic need to sit down and cry, but you knew that wasn’t an option for right then. You zoned yourself out as Yoonbin answered a couple more questions from the other person, lowering yourself to sit on the cold wooden floor of the room, leaning yourself back against the wall and tucking your knees to your chest.

Leaning your cheek down onto your knees as you sighed softly, you heard heavy footsteps approach your spot as Yoonbin lowered himself to sit beside you. The odd reminiscence from earlier became a full blown repetition of that night at the party, and you would have wanted to laugh if the fear within you wasn’t so great. You could see, out of the corner of your eye, that Yoonbin had looked over at you, and was most likely feeling irritation with you build up for being petty enough to blatantly ignore him in a situation like this.

You felt a burst of courage move through you as you glanced over at him, watching as his eyes immediately met yours. Tilting your head at him as much as space would allow with your head pressed to your legs, you heard him speak softly, “It’s not that long,” he began, “you don’t need to be scared, I mean. It’s only half an hour.”

The slight tilt of concern in his voice made you wonder over him more so than usual, trying to understand why he acted the way he did with you and no one else. Despite yourself, you let yourself smile softly at him, “I’m not…I’m not scared, but thank you, anyway.”

He nodded slowly, but his gaze stayed locked on yours, “Can I ask you a question?” He inquired quietly, his voice dropping to almost a whisper as you heard a collection of footsteps outside the room again.

The adjusting sound of metal tools and people speaking met your ears as you responded at the same volume as he’d spoken, “Sure, why not.”

The ghost of a smile tugged at his lips before he spoke again, “What have you been thinking about today?”

Caught of guard by the suddenness of his question, you recoiled a little, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “I…what, like, do you want a cohesive list of everything I’ve thought about today?”

A breathy laugh passed his lips before it turned into a light scoff, “No, I mean, you know, I want, I wanna know what’s been bothering you today.”

“Oh,” you began, losing eye contact with him as you attempted to think of whether or not you’d been too obvious with what had been going through your mind all day, “was it…obvious, like, was I acting weird?”

He shook his head quickly, “No, I, I just noticed on the Ferris wheel and, you know, couldn’t not see it after that.”

At this, a slight wash of relief came over you before you began thinking of what to say. You presumed that you should probably lie to him, his sudden interest in knowing what was going through your mind was something you assumed you should see as a warning sign for something. But you didn’t particularly want to. And, in an unexplainable way, you somehow felt that there would be an understanding of the feeling if you told Yoonbin, of all people.

“I just, I don’t know, I want this week to be perfect, for everyone.” You answered simply, watching as Yoonbin looked at you quizzically, urging you to keep talking. You found yourself without words again, dropping eye contact with him as thoughts swarmed around your mind again.

“Why’s this week so important?” He pushed gently, attempting to ease you into giving him more of an answer.

You swallowed thickly, “Because, you know, it’s like, the last summer we’re all gonna be together for the carnival.” When you finally said it, the idea of your fixation on it seemed impossibly childish and overdone.

Yoonbin moved to turn his body towards you, watching as you sceptically mirrored his action, your knees pressing against his. “So, what’s the importance of the carnival? Did I miss something in the weeks I’ve spent here?” He joked lightly, making a small bubble of confusion move through you, unsure of where this sudden personality change had come from.

The smallest of laughs passed your lips as you shook your head, “It’s, we’ve just spent every summer here since we were little kids, right? And now, well now everyone’s moving on, and we’re…we’re not gonna spend every summer here anymore.” You mumbled, your eyes glazing over slightly as you grew flustered at your own sensitivity to the subject, looking down to the floor.

Yoonbin tilted his head at you, letting you know he evidently had more questions to ask, “I mean, this might be the last summer we’ll spend at this god awful carnival,” he began, a laugh moving past the lump in your throat and into the air around you as he smiled for a moment. “But it’s not like we’re never gonna see one another again. We’ll all still be best friends.”

A tear slipped its way down your cheek as you looked back at him, “That’s what everyone says, and then they leave and stop talking to one another anyway.”

Shaking his head, Yoonbin pulled his hoodie to cover his thumb and leant forward to swipe the tear off your face. “None of us want that, though, so it won’t happen.”

His assurance made you tilt your head at him, “You don’t know that.”

He shrugged lightly in response, breathing out a laugh, “You can’t know much about the future, though, can you? I know that I’ll do what I can to not let that happen, and that’s all that matters.”

This made you smile softly before the slightly bitter realisation that the people he was referring to as his friends didn’t extend to you. You’d expected things to change after that night at the party, you’d assumed you’d both be fine with one another, and that because he’d been so kind then he’d be like that with you afterwards. He hadn’t been. Another moment like that wasn’t likely to cause much more of a change.

“You know,” you began carefully, reaching to knock his hand just slightly with your own, “I think, one day in the far future when you’re married and you have kids and the perfect life created for yourself, you’re gonna remember me, and you’re gonna miss me, so much.” You mumbled, almost to yourself.

Yoonbin wanted to recoil, to be visibly angry with the notion that he’d even be able to forget you of all people in the first place. But he couldn’t really say your perception of how he felt towards you was an unjustified one. “I’m…I know I will.”

You linked your pinkie with his in a rush of confidence, “Can I ask you a question now?” He nodded, glancing down at your interlocked pinkies as you began speaking, “Why do you hate me so much?”

He shut his eyes tightly, hearing Doyoung’s voice when he’d told him that this situation would happen eventually. “I don’t hate you, ___, I really don’t.”

Humming softly, you rephrased your question, “Why are you always so angry with me, then?”

At this, he smiled a little, “Do you remember when we got like this?” His voice had dropped back to a whisper, watching as you shook your head, curiosity lighting up your eyes in the dark. “I didn’t think you did,” he sighed softly, dropping his head back for a minute before he started talking again, “I…I met you all with Doyoung for the first time, right? And, okay, look, I know I always look like I’m constantly angry but…I’m really not, and I guess, I guess you thought I didn’t like you, so you started making these little offhand comments…” he let himself trail off, wincing softly as you sat yourself up properly, your hand slipping away from his.

He wondered if he should apologise for telling you, but you interrupted him, “I’m sorry,” you started, “oh my god, that was so mean of me. I’m…Yoonbin, I’m really sorry.”

Laughing a little, he didn’t move from his place, “It’s okay, really, it is, I…I took it too far, really. I shouldn’t have kept acting like that when you stopped retaliating. I just, I don’t know, felt like I had to.”

At this, you tilted your head at him, “Why would you have to?”

Yoonbin cleared his throat, glancing over at the door where the noise had gone silent at some point during your conversation, although it remained closed shut. “I…okay, this sounds bad, so hear me out,” he started, “but that night at the party, I followed you upstairs, because I, well I knew you liked that guy, and I’d seen him kiss someone else, so I was gonna, I was just gonna talk to you about how I, about how I’d kinda liked you for a little while…” he paused for a moment, as if trying to check your reaction. “But, you were so upset, and it didn’t feel like the right time.”

He watched as your face morphed from one of confusion into slightly comical shock, “Do you still feel like that?”

Yoonbin smiled a little, “Yeah,” he kept your eye contact, “I haven’t dealt with this very well, have I?”

A laugh moved from your lips, “No, not really, but it’s okay,” you rose your eyebrows at him, “go on, ask what you really want to.”

Yoonbin shook his head at you, “I don’t expect an answer, I…I kind of expected you to be angry about this. But, it’s a lot to spring on someone, I know that. Take your time giving me an answer.”

You felt a blush heat up your cheeks as you laughed softly, “There’s only four weeks of summer left,” you said, watching as Yoonbin rolled his eyes at you again.

“You’re obsessed with that, aren’t you?” You shrugged, feeling his pinkie intertwine with yours again, “I’m still gonna be here after summer, you know that.”

“What if I move away for school?” You challenged lightly, not even attempting to dance around the fears in your mind.

He rose his eyebrows at you, “You have a phone, don’t you?”

You grinned slightly, “What if I don’t? Would you go back to pretending you hate me?”

“No, I’d just have to write you letters,” he challenged back, his lips turning upwards as your worries seemed to dissipate for the moment.

You laughed lightly, “But,” you began, drawing a groan from him, but it quickly slipped away when he saw the hint of seriousness beginning to find its way onto your features again, “what about when you debut? You’ll be too busy, right?”

His hand moved to grip yours as a slam resounded on the wooden door, a muffled voice calling out to you both gently, and you watched as Yoonbin moved to stand and go back to the door. The same muffled voice from earlier spoke again, “We’re gonna need a different tool, so, it’ll be, about another half an hour, our apologies again. Is everyone still, uh, all okay in there?”

Yoonbin laughed gently, looking over at your form still on the floor, “Yeah, yeah, we’re all good.” He moved back to sit beside you again, raising his eyebrows for a moment, “you’re still okay, right?”

You nodded gently, observing Yoonbin intently as he moved slowly to cup your face impossibly lightly, “It’s probably a bad time for me to kiss you, right?” He asked quietly, watching as you nodded in response, a grin curling your lips up, “you don’t care, do you?” You shook your head at him, feeling him pull your face closer to his as your lips met. The kiss was timid, his lips brushing against your own in a feather-light way as it didn’t gain in speed or desperation.

He pulled himself back after a moment, smiling at you brightly before speaking, “Don’t, don’t overthink this, okay? I like you, and you like me, that’s all that matters. We’ll just, cross those bridges when we get to them.”

A smile met your features are you nodded slowly at him, curling yourself closer to him while he leant his back against the wall again. “Is there anything else you need you get off your chest? This seems like it’s given us a good opportunity to fix some personal issues.” He said softly, his arm draping across your shoulders.

You laughed again, “Hm, don’t think so. Do you?”

“Actually,” he started, looking down at you as you caught his line of sight, “I have a question about Jihoon,” he began.

“Oh, I can’t help you with that,” you interrupted, dropping your head back onto his shoulder.

He hummed slightly in response, “I…I’m not so sure anyone really can.” He retorted, leaning his head to rest against yours as the room fell into a mix of attempted comfortable conversation that would be met with the sound of metal tools scraping against wood outside the little room.

[fairycosmos]

whats up i am The Literal Ugliest girl i have ever seen im not even being sarcastic i am so fucking disgusting it makes me sick i hate my disgusting full of acne skin, my ugly nose, my nonexistent lips and my fat short body. i want to kill myself SO MUCH but im scared my parents will be sad. do you think they’ll get over it and i should just do it bc nothing is changing and ive been waiting for years for a change and now im 22 and im fucking tired i cant fucking breathe

hey, it's okay. listen, i'm really sorry you're in such a negative place right now and i can't imagine how hard it must be. like i can absolutely relate and i totally understand where you're coming from, but your pain is your own and i won't infringe on it. that being said, of course your parents won't just 'get over' something like that. the trouble with self destructive tendencies is that your brain will do anything to make them seem plausible. it will engage you in emotional, black and white thinking - it'll force you to believe there's no other options, it'll use your insecurities against you to the highest degree in order to blow them out of proportion and make you feel bad. your self hatred is spinning a false narrative about you. i know you know about the subjectivity of beauty, the pressure we're all under to reach impossible standards, the way they sell us these made up ideas about attractiveness because that's what makes money. you can be aware of all of that and still hate the way you look, but recognizing that there is truly no wrong way to have a physical form (regardless of your low self confidence) can really make a difference. clearly this runs deeper than your appearance, i get that. but you must understand that your conditioned mind is not reliable. ugliness is a) an inevitably for everyone since our purpose isn't constant prettiness, b) not set in stone, not defined as 'one thing', and c) not a reason to take your own life. i understand that as a woman everything seems to hinge on that, but you can find comfort and happiness regardless. others don't see you the way you see yourself, and your self perception is all messed up by your biased mindset anyway. it's something a lot of people struggle with, but there IS a balance to be found. i know it's hard, i know. but experiencing this world and trying to appreciate who you are is a million times more rewarding than punishing yourself for something so uncontrollable and insignificant and inconsistent in it's validity. youre not a walking advirtisment, your body doesn't exist to fill a quota. and that can be really difficult to accept but. it's just true, it always comes back to that fact.

you're clearly in a very intense and emotional state of mind right now, and i really don't blame you. when you're sad and dealing with mental issues and you feel like there's literally no way forward, the entire world feels like the enemy. but i'd really really urge you to take a look at your thinking patterns when you're able to, in order to realize how irrational and untrue they are. harming yourself is not the correct response to not liking your reflection. instead consider outside factors, whats influencing your opinions, what you can do to make yourself feel a little more stable in the moment (cry, write, talk to a family member or friend, take a walk.) take a breath, and be sure to remain in a physically safe environment for now. that's good enough, i promise. you're doing so much better than you think you are, just by getting through the moment. you have copious amounts of worth beyond the way you look. you were born with it and it'll never go away. you have so much to offer and to see and you should not allow the unnecessary guilt to take all of that away from you. a whole future is worth so much more than you realize. i know 5 more minutes with this feeling doesn't feel worth ten years without it. but i'm honestly telling you that there are so so so many ways to grow beyond this mindset and none of them involve hurting yourself. you don't have to do anything. you're in control, not your sadness, not your temporary feelings.

you sent this anon for a reason, and i'm unbelievably glad you did. it shows you have the ability to reach out, even if it's through an unconventional platform. so if you want to know what i really believe would be good for you, then hear me out. you need to talk to your parents and you need to look at your options in regards to seeing a professional about this. whether it's through a doctor, a counselor, a support group, a hotline. anything, there is so much available. please please please do not let the self destructive part of you write the idea off as if it's nothing. because your brain will try every trick in the book to make you think it's pointless but trying is never fruitless, not in this regard. you don't have to go into great detail, but i think it could be a real relief if you just sat your parents down and told them that you're having a really hard time, you don't know what to do, and you think you need some extra support. it is completely and utterly natural to be scared, to not want to do it. vulnerability is like that. but it's a much better form of fear than the one you'll feel by staying silent and letting this get worse and worse. the bottom line is suicidal thoughts, while somewhat common, are not normal and are an indicator that it's time to prioritize your mental health. even when everything in you is screaming at you to go the other way, to self destruct. it's hard to care about what happens to you when you just don't but i'm begging you to have some empathy for your future self, alright? that is what you're looking for here, i swear. you're going to be you for the rest of your life and while that may seem daunting right now it is something you can grow to enjoy as you create a whole lifetime of experiences beyond this pain. a professional will be able to get to the root causes of what's going on, while working with you to create a care plan so that you're prepared for these episodes in the future and showing you how to implement positive patterns into your daily life. disentangling your self worth from the way you look is not impossible and is actually very doable through small exercises and patience. minimizing the damage and building from the ground up, awakening yourself to alternative perceptions, is done through communication. it's ok if it's frustrating, it's ok if it takes time. i'm not saying you have to start loving yourself immediately, or that this will solve everything, but it is a great place to start. just making the initial choice to reach out to your parents will make a massive difference. i can't stress it enough, the importance of you realizing that your self hatred and your self perceived 'ugliness' aren't irreversible truths, they are emotional inconsistencies derived from underlying issues that can be addressed with time and small amounts of effort. where you're at right now is truly not where you'll always be no matter how much you feel otherwise. please, if you're a danger to yourself call someone and put your own physical safety first. i'm begging you, it is not going to solve anything and it is not what you deserve. you will find what you do deserve eventually but you have to stick around to see it. you're stronger than you realize. you haven't made it this far for nothing. i really hope you're alright and that you're able to talk with your parents, or that you at least consider it for now. i'm sure they'll appreciate the honesty, and that's where it all begins. just admitting to what's going on, which you've already proved your capable of. sending a lot of love to you, don't hesitate to hit me up if you need a friend. you're not alone.

https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

[violentnonretirement]

About Bastet: Jack

I’m doing multiple posts to kind of separate out things. This one will be about Jack, there will be one about Ana, and then one about the general Lore.

So keep in mind this is just about Jack, since the short story was equally about both and I literally have way too much to talk about with Ana to fit them both here while still being at all readable.

I’m just going to go through chronologically. Also under the cut because it’s... It’s a lot. Ana’s might end up longer, though.

“ As she took a closer look, she could see that the jacket and his flesh had been ripped apart by a shotgun blast. From that range, it should have killed him, but Jack had certain advantages. His wounds could heal themselves—a legacy of his past as a test subject and an enhanced soldier...“

First of all, we can finally do away with the ‘Gabe wasn’t trying to kill Jack’ theories because he absolutely was. Also, referring to Jack (and by extension Gabe) as test subjects says a lot about the nature of the SEP. Not an exact process, not a 100% smoothed out deal. Jack and Gabe were test subjects.

Jack’s got a crazy good healing factor. Like. We learn later the bullets from Reaper have a necrotic agent of some sort that’s trying to keep him from healing and his body is still pushing through to heal the wound literally minutes after the attack, also aided by Ana’s dart.

“ His genetic enhancements should have helped him acclimatize to different conditions, the same way they should have stopped the blood that was seeping through the shirt he’d tied across his midsection as a bandage. “

First of all, “genetic enhancements”. Second, Jack is able to acclimate to different weather very easily.

ALSO

How many times has Ana bailed his dumbass out of danger???

“ ...He made a face at the bitterness. “Any sugar?” “ “ ....“You’re a kitten, Jack,” Ana laughed. “

THIS IS FUCKING CUTE COME AT ME. I got that hc wrong Jack apparently likes sweet things if tea is too bitter for him. Fucking adorable you big punkass  funky boy.

Tangent here to talk about their banter? Like it’s so... honest? Like it’s just “these are two extremely close people who still have the fun sarcasm and are easily filling back into the role of close friends despite everything that’s happened”. It’s genuinely entertaining and I had a lot of fun reading the back and forth because it’s just fun and snarky and both have so much life to their replies. And it shows they know each other to the point that Ana knows Jack well enough that she literally drugs him because she knows he’s about to be a dumbass the minute he wakes up.

Also, proof that no one but the three of them and by extension Talon know Jack and Ana and Gabe are alive.

Jack took a trip to New York with his mother and loved the Egyptian museum as ‘his favorite part’, so that’s rly cute.

“ “We tried to find you,” Jack said somberly. “I used every resource at my disposal. Gabe even put McCree on it personally. Not a trace. Everyone else tried to convince me you were gone and that I was being irrational. But deep down I knew that you couldn’t be dead.” “

“...It turns out we couldn’t do it without you,”

“.... Don’t let this go. Don’t be like the others. They dismantled everything we spent our lives building, and then they made us into villains.”

“ “... You never were good at letting go,” Ana chided him. “Too stubborn for your own good.” “

Fucking. One of my big headcanons confirmed. That Jack and Gabe did everything in in their power to find Ana, and that Jack did not give up. If there’s something to be learned about his character from this it’s that Jack is a deeply emotional and very unforgiving character. He remembers, and he holds grudges like a motherfucker.

Even after the years, Jack was in Cairo because he believed Ana was alive and he wanted to find her.

Jack says he’s moving on and his quest is moving on but I don’t think Jack can let things go. Period. He couldn’t let go of Ana, Overwatch- his in-game lines “I’ve got a long memory”. Jack does not forget, and again, he holds grudges like a motherfucker. 

She was thought to be dead for years and yet Jack held out hope the entire time, all the way up to chasing her down in Egypt after hearing there was a vigilante there and hoping it was her. If we’re looking at canon Jack, canon Jack loves Ana deeply. She is an important person to him. Just like he loved Gabriel.

Which brings me to a big point. Jack is an angry, frustrated figure but he feels deeply. He feels so deeply for the people he’s with. Ana, Gabe, those people are so fucking important to him that the issue of Ana’s unknown fate, plus the (still only theorized) ‘betrayal’ from Gabriel, two people who were so important to him, turning to anger and vengeance would feel like the only option for him.

“ Ana read the desperation on Jack’s face. “Getting revenge for what happened won’t accomplish anything other than getting you killed.” “Maybe, but I still have to fight. Everyone else gave up, but not me.” “

This is the core of my style of characterization. If Jack lets this fight go- against Talon and Hakim and Los Muertos- he has nothing left. Jack was a soldier for the majority of his life. We know he enlisted around 18 and fought in the crisis, and led Overwatch, all adding up to about 30 years of “fighting the good fight” and something like 6 of fighting it from the shadows. At this point, giving up that fight would force him into an identity crisis, and I don’t think Jack wants to face that, so he just puts up walls against forming new bonds, and considers that, yes, he may die, but he wants to do what’s right. (it’s not healthy. There are so many times when Jack is wrong, etc, and he’ll fight you tooth and nail because he’s a stubborn jackass but he’s not a mentally healthy person)

This also supports my hc that Jack kind of blamed everyone. In that anger, Jack considered everyone at fault, and then sat on that anger and pain for years as he tried to find out what happened. He saw people either get to return to normal life, be forced into mercenary situations, or worse, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it- just try to find out what caused it and expose the people who ruined his life.

“ “Cairo and the world will suffer until we bring them all down! You have to see the bigger picture,” Jack said heatedly. “Are you even hearing yourself? You would never have made this argument before,” Ana said disapprovingly. “The way we do things matters.” “

Jack was the man who believed in saving everyone and Gabe was the bigger picture person, I think. I think Gabe did the dirty work no one else wanted because he saw what needed to be done and got it done for the greater good, even if that meant sometimes morally wrong choices in the moment. Now, Jack sees Hakim and Cairo, he sees the wrongness there and he doesn’t want to get involved because he knows Talon is Hakim’s benefactor and taking out Talon is the only true way to get rid of Hakim.

And we see that as much as he loves Ana, he is still angry and lashes out. He sees the world through a selfish view. He sees it as ‘this needs to get done and I don’t know why you don’t see it my way’ but Ana sees Cairo as she has for the time she’s been gone. Egypt is her home, she can’t see it rot under Hakim. This is her mission.

It was the sort of problem that was never Jack’s strong suit. He preferred two sides, concrete facts, and one clear, unequivocal decision.

In messy situations, Jack finds an answer, and he goes with it. And in a time when almost all his decisions are ‘messy’, Jack often has the moments between Los Muertos escaping and the grenade at Alejandra’s feet. There is what’s important now, and what’s important for the future. Deciding that Alejandra was the most important then, and then agreeing to help with Hakim, Jack is being forced to do what’s right again, and it causes him to fight against the personas of Soldier: 76 and of Strike-Commander. We hear SO much that Jack is stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, but he relents to Ana. He comes back after storming off and helps Ana take down Hakim. Hakim is the grenade at Alejandra’s feet- he cannot ignore his conscience, and here, he also knows he cannot do this without Ana.

“ He had gotten one good night’s sleep since he arrived in Cairo, and it was the first in as long as he could remember “ ...He was uneasy now. Staying in one place for too long was risky, especially now that Gabe would be looking for him. He had to move on.

Also going along with the “Jack just doesn’t stop” vein of characterization. Jack can’t stop. Especially now that Talon is very aware of his presence and that he’s coming after them.

“That’s why it’s a great photo!” laughed Jack.

cute.

So let’s get into Vincent.

Jack is gay, as confirmed by Chu. I have my issues with this reveal like I did with the Christmas comic and Tracer’s reveal. The romantic partner characters are not really, full characters. They’re stand-ins, and they’re not given a whole lot before they’re buried in the story again, but they do their job. Lena is a lesbian, and Jack is gay. This in itself makes me so happy. Because here, in this whole update, we are given a Manly Man’s Man in Jack- except that we learn he’s a deeply emotional man, struggling with trauma and mental health issues, and is so far from the picture so many people might have of a gay man. Like Lena, he isn’t defined by his sexuality, it’s just a part of him. Which is what we want. Yes, again, I have my issues with the reveal, but in the end, and if I’m deeply honest with myself, I’m happy that two mainstay characters in this game are irreversibly, wholly, completely confirmed inside and out as SAGA, and I’m happy that Jack is given that identity as someone who was open about it. Ana apparently knew Vincent well enough that she recognizes him from an old photo.

But in that vein, we get the fact that they’re separated, and that once upon a time Jack “I’ll never stop fighting” Morrison wanted to settle down in the quiet life with his then-boyfriend, and openly talked about that, at least with Ana if not others. Again, we’re given the image that Jack as a younger man was a very openly emotional, connected, and caring figure. Someone who loved the people he was close to dearly and showed that.

“At least you and Gabe managed to have families.”

Another one of those hcs I’m ding-ding at, Jack did not really engage in relationships as Strike-Commander. Whether or not he tried we don’t know, but he didn’t ‘manage’ to have a family, or connections beyond platonic love for people like Ana, and Gabe, and likely others. But it also ties into that resentment and anger he’s been nursing for so long. It’s not a kind remark. Not mean or hateful, just, kind of unnecessary.

“I just thought my mask was scary.” Jack smiled.

What a fucking dork.

In all. I’m happy. I’m so happy to see Jack confirmed as gay, I’d love to know more about Vincent, I’d love to see where this all goes, and I love that we have a continuation, more lore for Ana, and more personality for both of them- seeing these softer sides of the ghosts.

That being said, I’m happy with the s76 lore we have. I love him, he’s my dude, but we need lore on literally anyone else. I would be happy if their story was either on pause for the next however long or working in the background while other characters got their stories and their time in the spotlight. I want to see Zen, Lucio, Zarya, the Junkers. They need to be fleshed out. They need to be fully realized.

[37h4n0l]

It’s good that I watched Bandersnatch at this particular time because it really made me think

Right before it, I’ve had a period of sickness when I was confined to bed and couldn’t do much of anything so I spent it playing videogames. Anyone who knows me would be immediately able to tell that subversive, meta stuff is my main interest and I was reflecting on it since before Bandersnatch.

There’s been a tendency in game development lately to undermine the structure of choice-based multiple-ending games/VNs. It’s almost a competition between players and developers, a battle against our insatiable need to explore all possibilities — and a variety of narrative devices have been implemented to prevent us from doing so in any possible way, ranging from creating a lot of different endings through making your choices afflict irreversible change up to easter eggs so difficult to find that they remain unknown to the wider community. And people outsmart these time and time again, by reinstalling the game, modifying the code, but most importantly sharing walkthroughs that expose all the content regardless. With the latest hits it’s gone so far as to hiding easter eggs within the code, as a signal that this possibility was accounted for in advance. Undertale and DDLC both did this; Unknown Developer’s content is straight-up based on finding cryptograms in the code. It’s probably a result of the same people who used to try these things for fun creating their own content and putting themselves in the shoes of a very creative and persistent player.

I believe somebody (I don’t remember who, it might have been Dr Layman) made a video on a similar topic regarding Undertale and I now realize it was kind of spot-on. All of this makes you wonder about the purpose of these games and if being choice-based even means anything anymore. One would think that originally the point of the structure was to provide a unique path to every individual player and show them the results of their personal choices as something similar to a personality quiz. The ending you got said something about you and your behaviour within the story; but this is not quite possible anymore. If you don’t experience everything you’ll feel like you’re missing out and so you flock back to linear storytelling by playing every different timeline in a sequence. Just to be clear about it, I don’t think discouraging this will lead anywhere. It’s mathematical thinking that we’ll automatically tend towards either way as choices can be represented in a tree graph and all we’re really doing is a graph search (a depth-first one to be precise).

My biggest curiosity is always what’s going to be the next way to circumnavigate this. Developers will have to be more creative than ever since there’s ways around everything — DDLC tried to prevent you from walking back on your choices by making changes permanent, but all people did was reinstall the game. Hell, it’s what I did. At the moment the go-to solution seems to be making some timelines complicated and hard to find, like the easter egg one in Bandersnatch itself, but it’s becoming a tired tactic since these endings are found and shared anyway after some time. What would really be interesting is some fundamental change in the structure itself and it makes me inclined to think about it. Surely, it can’t be solved by auto-generating infinite timelines; there have been attempts and they’re pretty lackluster since a combination of small changes in variables doesn’t really produce anything surprising.

It makes me inclined to think about it and try to come up with a solution. I have very vague ideas, a feeling that the next step is targeting online sharing of walkthroughs and community interaction as the root problem. Involving more than one person in the game in a way that can’t be simulated by a single player could already lead somewhere but the absolute ideal would be a game that changes in accordance with how the community interacts with it. Developers need to ask themselves “What would happen if somebody made a full online walkthrough for this game and people followed it?” You can predict your own decisions, but you have no control over a wider mass of people. Obviously, something like this can’t be implemented in a fully downloadable offline file but making it directly playable on a site could tackle this in a non-clumsy way.

It leaves the philosophical question open — if a game is influenced by a mass statistic you can’t individually change, are you really choosing freely? But, on the other hand, the statistic is made up of many individual choices that include yours so you do make a contribution in a way. It could make a sarcastic point about democracy too, I feel like people would enjoy the edginess of the moral... Also, constant conflict and trying to come to a compromise over what choice everyone should make would be incredibly fun to watch. There could be special content available only if a certain amount of people make a specific choice. Or if literally everyone does — that’d make for a fantastic ultimatum game. For all I know some online games could already secretly function like this, but one that makes it obvious that it does? It’d be absolute peak.

There’d be still individual choices mixed in just to give you some power but now I want to experience the infuriating feeling of being literally unable to get an ending without a nearly impossible to reach online collaboration. It’d need a very compelling image and plot for this to work but I do think it could.

[poipoi1912]

Barba-centric thoughts on Ep 19x13

For the last time.

But first, to get it out of the way.

Sonny Thoughts

Who’s that?

No but, are we honestly expected to believe that Sonny would pass on observing Barba’s murder trial?

Sonny, who is a lawyer himself, would pass on witnessing a) any colleague’s MURDER TRIAL, b) BARBA’S murder trial, c) Randy Dworkin working his magic and d) the skills of Peter Stone, out of sheer curiosity? How does any of that make sense? Sonny as a law student was eager to shadow Barba just to observe a random trial he had no personal connection to, and he’d return to the precinct literally saying “court was AWESOME” while the others rolled their eyes, and now that he’s a lawyer, all he does is say “lol it’s a good thing I’m a cop”?

Remember when the conversation was “will Carisi join or even replace Barba at the DA’s office?” to the point where Peter was asked about it in interviews? Remember when Sonny’s law degree had a purpose? When it was building up to something, to a potential change? When Sonny actively faced a dilemma? Now it’s only good for a throwaway line.

What has Sonny done all season?

Nothing.

Which brings me to, what has Barba done this season?

A lot, and none of it’s good, unfortunately.

Barba Thoughts

Barba has messed up many times this season. Too many. Twice it’s been completely intentional (causing a mistrial with the jurors on that elevator, and this). We’ve seen him act way too emotional for someone in his position, and indeed we have seen his heart guiding him (like it did the other week, with the alt-right/antifa case, when he dropped the charges because his heart wasn’t in it). It’s a fact that Barba changed, a lot, over the years, and this season saw him going through even greater changes.

In the past, he always had his integrity. He may have misstepped before (like with Munoz, who was a very close childhood friend) and he may have held opinions which pitted him against the squad or the police in general (the Terrence Reynolds case), but he always held his positions with impressive, if firm, conviction. Just last season, he admitted to what was, at the time, his “deepest” secret, i.e. giving money for drugs to a witness who ended up OD’ing, and even then he believed he had done the right thing.

Because he did do the right thing. Then.

This season, however, Barba has been doing the wrong thing, way too often.

Part of me appreciated the focus on Barba’s decisions, and part of me was suspicious (as I mentioned recently) because I knew that, usually, when a character receives an unprecedented amount of focus, it means they’re on their way out, and all those “bigger” moments are meant to sett up their exit arc.

I was wrong.

Barba’s exit wasn’t the result of his longterm disenchantment with his work. Barba’s exit wasn’t set up previously at all. Barba’s prior mistakes were, in retrospect, simply meant to highlight the fact he has turned into Liv, i.e. he shows complete disregard for the law and just does whatever he wants wait no, I mean, he has grown a heart. also he could never fully become Liv because her actions never have consequences Because you can’t have a heart and still prosecute criminals? For some reason? Do the writers know Barba wasn’t a defense attorney?

Anyway,

This was no masterplan. Barba’s exit happened on a whim. Even though the writers have known about Raul’s desire to leave since literally before the season started, they did nothing to create an actual exit arc. They just used him as normal, and they came out with the most dramatic, far-fetched and soapy idea they could to create a single exit episode, instead. Which Barba then had to share with McCoy and his own replacement, both of whom took up valuable time which could have been spent on Barba himself, and on highlighting Barba’s importance to the entire squad.

When an actor leaves amicably, and when they graciously make themselves available for an exit “arc”, it’s customary to treat them with the analogous level of respect.

Barba deserved a tribute, and this episode was no tribute to Rafael Barba.

Case(y) Thoughts

Remember when I said a “right to die” case had some potential for an exit arc, even though it would never come close to (the actual best ADA) Casey Novak’s iconic exit in S9? Casey, of course, put her career on the line by knowingly lying about evidence (i.e. something a lawyer would conceivably do), because she wanted justice. Because she tried to help a friend and colleague (my fave, Chester Lake) who snapped and resorted to extreme actions when the system failed him and a victim.

“He deserved to pay.”

“And so do you.”

That’s how you write a morally gray exit.

You do NOT have an Assistant District Attorney literally turn off life support for a baby even though he is not a doctor or even a relative of the child. Truly no one would do what he did in real life. No one. No matter what half-assed and canonically inaccurate story the writers tried to spin about his father.

Can you imagine? Physically ending a life thus rendering yourself liable for homicide? When it’s not your place to do so? And you are fully aware of the legal ramifications? When the life in question is a child’s life, and the parents disagree on what to do? Can you imagine “siding” with one parent and taking that final (and irreversible) step, as the other parent is forced to forever live with the consequences of your actions?

Can you imagine any of us finding any of that ethical?

Can you imagine that, instead of having Barba passionately argue a case for the right to die, or find a smart, legal-yet-shady way to help the mother do the deed herself without being charged for a crime (which was what I thought was going to happen, when the episode began), the writers had him physically pull the plug?

With that one move, and with the fact Barba’s actions were attributed to (selfish) emotion, because of his father, Barba lost his moral footing, no matter what that opening eulogy tried to tell us. His position on the matter may well have been correct (it was certainly defensible), as was his instinct to help that poor mother, but his actions were wrong. And this is now how or why I wanted him to leave. Not because he was so very wrong.

Squad Thoughts

I admire Liv for personally and single-handedly manning an entire Special Victims Unit while taking the time to attend lengthy trials and also haphazardly inserting herself to any and all hostage situations in the Tri-State Area.

Stone Thoughts

Eh. That said, I did like his quip about the Class A Felony. My Barba thoughts aside, I’ve been saying it all along, SVU needs a prosecutor who does the job without being emotionally compromised every five minutes. It’s one thing if A Case hits home, but an ADA who can’t do his job because his feelings are clouding his judgment shouldn’t have a job oh wait he no longer has a job lol.

Also I can’t believe I’m saying this but I was Team Stone, not Team Liv (or Team Barba) and I kinda think that’s exactly what the showrunner intended? And I’m offended I fell for it? But Stone was right so I had no choice but to agree with him? is it because i’m a lawyer too omg

I’m conflicted. But Liv dissing him over not having children (I hate that more than I hate most things by the way) and then acting like Barba, who also has no children, “gets it”, I guess because he’s been around her long enough, and her parenting skills are so good they’ve transferred over to him? Ugh.

Seriously, Team Stone. Do you think there’s a chance the showrunner (who created the character and is clearly attached to him) will actually let Stone be his own person? And challenge Liv on equal footing? Because Liv might be Liv, and Mariska might be Mariska, but the showrunner’s love for Peter Stone might be enough to keep him from being swallowed by the Benson Vortex?

(and do I kinda like that? Are they gonna make me like Peter Stone by having him disagree with Liv every time she’s wrong i.e. all the time? Because I’m open to it 👀)

Religious Thoughts

Both Barba and Carisi have talked about their faith in the past. Carisi especially is a man of faith who regularly goes to church and has been shown to be a true believer. And yet, he had no insight to offer about what the Church might have to say about a case like this. In fact, religion was not mentioned at all. During this case, of all cases. In my opinion, that was because the writers knew that by religious standards there is no defense for Barba’s actions, and they didn’t want to give the audience a reason to think negatively of him. Still, this was a glaring omission.

Stray Thoughts

“Weasel”? They couldn’t find a better word lol?

RANDY DWORKIN. Not an obvious choice to defend Barba (oh, Rita, where art thou?), but definitely an entertaining one. I felt like I was watching the original Law & Order every time he spoke. Also, every single thing he argued was, indeed, defensible, and the writers made a decent (if schmaltzy) effort to paint Barba’s actions in a positive light, but the fact remains; having the right to die (which I personally support) is not the same thing as allowing a complete stranger to (technically) kill you “for your own good”. Even if it was the right decision, it was not Barba’s decision to make, and the trial glossed over that a bit.

Jack is still the DA? Since when? And why did they never namedrop him in all these years?

Both Peter Stone’s Class A felony quip and Jack’s quip about it being “unbecoming” to have his ADA’s killing people were great lines, but they rubbed me the wrong way because they were effectively making fun of Barba? But also they were accurate? And Barba deserved to be dragged? Again, I’m conflicted.

The new showrunner can write dialogue very well, but he cannot write season-long arcs (the Sheila mess confirmed that), he can’t write characters well or consistently, and he struggles with original episode ideas. For Season 19, I guess that’s not so bad. But for television in general, in its current thriving state, it’s pretty disappointing.

Liv, to an Assistant District Attorney: Forget the law for a minute.

me: *facepalm*

Peter Stone: lol how ‘bout I don’t?

me: u go gurl

The Barisi Corner

One last time, for old times’ sake.

The ship lives forever in our hearts. Where it’s always lived.

And also in Peter Scanavino’s heart ❤️

[zebraslovescupcakestoo]

Golden eyes Chapter 28 final.

“...but there's more to the story. You might want to sit down.”

More to the story? Sure I barely knew her well, but why is that? I sat down and I looked straight in his eyes again with a serious look.

He then started. “Your sister was one of the very few, along with your father, who wasn't afraid of the mafias like Alfonso's. It was a personal mission for her to stop a certain someone. But it wasn't Alfonso himself.”

I was confused. “Remember when I said that there was a mole in the higher ups of the police force? She figured out who it is, but she never had the chance to say who it was.” He told me the truth and my eyes were widen with shock. “She... got killed for that?”

“That and your father was also the next in line too when he found out about it. He was close to figure out who it was and then 'he' called a favor from Alfonso to eliminate him as well. Both your family member and 'us' were 'eliminated' by the 'mold' in that police department.” I gasped. This is a whole different puzzle piece... These people that I used to worked under... one of THEM is a mole for the mafias like Alfonso's! That 'mole' is also partially responsible for the death of my father AND my older half sister for doing the right thing! I... I can't believed it!

I did my best not to shout or show any anger, no matter how much I wanted to lash it all out. “How... dare they do this? Inky and Winky... They've lost their mother and their grand father... To that b@stard who thinks they're both a 'threat!' Bernard! Please let me help you! I want to get th-!” He stops me there with a halt signal and was frowning. I remembered when he does that, he's gonna trying to tell me something REALLY important. “B-Bugs...?”

“Felix... I don't want you to get involved more than you had to on this case. The 'mold' have already took more than two very good police officers we both knew and I promised your father a long time ago that I would keep you safe from him. Not to mentioned the kids, have you ever thought of what will happened if you kicked the bucket unexpectedly?”

I then realized what he means... If I'm gone... my nephews will have no one to look out for them. God knows where the authorities will send them aside the orphanage. But then I remembered my good friends... I don't want to lose them too! They're probably the only ones that I can trust and knew me well...

Bernard relaxes a bit when he saw me what I just realized. “You see? You're much more valuable to them. Not just the 'gift' from your mother. Aside the Alfonso, there's a couple of others, including the 'mole' itself. Although, the third guy ain't gonna live much longer than about a year. Less luckier than my position right now.”

“What? Who is it and what do you mean not going to live much longer? ...and in your position?” I was a bit weary on the last part.

“Again, it's not your job to go after them, it's mine. I promised to your father, remember?” He was serious on that subject. I know that I'm just as stubborn as him too, Bernard. But I can compromise if I can have at least some details.

“If you tell me just who it is after you that's 'dying,' I'm not going after him. I've got my sight on one bad guy already.” He's still wasn't convinced. “I swore! I won't go after whoever is after you that's 'dying.' If he is what you're saying is true, why should 'that' person be more dangerous than Bendy and the 'mold' itself when he's not going to live much longer?”

He sighed and asked me this. “You promise for me that you'll keep your word of NEVER going after him?” I nodded with determination.

He then said the name of that one person that Sam warned me to NEVER make any contacts with.

“His name is Dorian Diabolos. The 'Devil' himself in the underworld. I'm sure that one of your friends had warned you about him. I even heard a friend of an acquaintance of mine that you even paid a little 'visit' in a group of friends the other day. It was a risky tactic for you to be even getting close to that casino place. Helping or not.”

“The 'Devil'... Why is he after you? And why is he 'dying?' Nobody has the skills that can outmatched or even tied with him.” He's not like he's a God or something like that. But he's nearly impossible to defeat in combat alone. Not even the top CSI can take him down.

“The same reason why Bendy is after me and will try to kill me when he gets the chance. I know how to take him down too if I played my cards right.” He quoted those parts. “One of the options for me is to wait for him to 'expire' because I found out he's critically ill. Even if he sold his soul to the REAL devil himself, it won't save his body.”

His body? “What kind of deadly disease did he got? Or was it something else?” I may not be a doctor but...

“I found out about his secret of his 'power.' It was some drugs he created and took over the years. But to be more specific, it was a homemade 'medicine' booster he made for himself. It's a very powerful yet extremely dangerous drug that makes a person's fighting style looked like a possessed demon. In most cases, it can maxed out the combat performance and it can also makes you feel invincible, but the aftermath once it's taken can cause irreversible damage to the organs. He's almost at the end of his life yet that old goat still eats them like candies whenever he's in a bind.”

I was surprisingly shocked again and looked down thinking. “That... explains why Bendy wanted that cylinder-looking machine... it must have belonged to him for those 'medicine' boosters he's making... If he founded out about making those drugs looking like medicine, he could have targeted the pharmacies... That would have been a scary out come...”

“Well let's count it as a lucky moment he didn't. But the goat can still make them without it. We're fortunate enough that the formula for it was too complex to learn it by heart and that he keeps it all in his head. He's like one of those guys who keeps the 'bests' for himself.”

“So that means... He's not going to give out the formula for that horrible booster to anyone?” Bugs nodded at my answer.

“Sooner or later, he'll get what he deserves. Oh, I also found out that he had a runaway daughter that he wanted to be 'returned' so right now is 'not' a good time to go after him.”

Runaway daughter? “I never heard anything about him having one. He's usually with a mistress or two.” That guy is like any other rich playboy in this day and age of celebrities, despite his status.

“I got even more stuff on him that it makes me one of their 'wish list.' So again, leave 'that' guy to me and leave the 'mold' sit still for a while. You're lucky enough that you're only been fired from that station.” He puts his left hand on my right shoulder and that makes me look at him again.

I know it sounded frustrating to me that I can't do anything for now, but at least I know WHO I'm up against again. Not just Bendy Drew. “I understand... But Bugs, I still want to help you... After what happened since that day dad was killed, I was almost alone...It wasn't easy for me, but I'm much stronger now that I was before. Can you please let me help you with whatever I can? I don't want to lose you again.” I sounded like a kid who didn't want his parent to leave heir child all alone.

“I know... But I promised to stay alive until all of this is over with those three. There's still Detective Pikachu that I sometimes meet up with him. He can tell you where I've been. So you don't have to guess where I've been.”

“R-really? I-I promise not to tell if you do! Ah!” Speaking of allies... I realized one thing.

“Uncle Bugs...Can I ask you something about the Disney brothers?” He raised an eyebrow. “I... I saw a 'past vision' of when Mickey gave Bendy a ransom for his brother. I even saw you coming to their rescue... And I know how you manage to convince them that you're a friend... You knew them before the hostage situation... and it was a picture of my mother that you used to convinced them.” That caught him off guard. “Bugs, tell me the truth. Did you used to see my mother, even after I was born? I'm not going to hate you if you tell me.” I know that you used to love her, even if she loved my father instead.

“Well...” He was a bit hesitant on that, but he confessed. “Squirt, I'm not gonna lie and... I'm sorry for what I'm going to say.” He then got up from his seat just to stretch a bit. “Before that incident and before you were born, I was in love with her. The first time I've met her was from your father on one working graveyard shift. She literally bumped into him when she was on a chase. She actually stole a necklace from one rich guy that he took that's rightfully belonged to someone. Despite it was wrong, she had the prove it who it rightfully belong.”

“And did you and dad arrested her?”

“Nah, actually, he took it in as a 'favor.'” I was really surprised. Dad didn't take her to the station on first impression? This is something new. He BARELY lets criminals away like that! Why was my mother so different to him?

“In exchange of her freedom, she would become our ally. She knew the underworld and the black markets in this city, so it would make our jobs a tad bit easier. Overtime, we grow fond of her and she was one unique person that was very special.”

“Did you... loved her?”

He blushed a bit and scratched the back of his head. “Well... I did. I used to think I was going to be the one for her. But she chose your father instead. I was a bit heartbroken, I admit, but I knew I had to respect her choice and I wanted her to be happy.”

“Then what happened when she disappeared for months? When she found out about having me? Did either of you went looking for her?”

“We did. When she didn't show up for days, we searched. The only thing we got in contacts were letters without address. Until after nine months later, I had a call from her. I immediately rushed to that place she wanted me to see and once I arrived, I saw why she went into hiding. It was a big surprise for me.”

“It was me she wanted you to see. Right?” He nodded and smiled a bit. “You got that right, squirt. She held you close and she was scared. She just learned that her past was catching up to her and that she might put you in danger if you were to be discovered. She wanted to have a 'normal' life for you.”

“Then how did dad reacted when he found out?”

“I can at least now say that he fainted.” Dad fainted?! Are we talking the same guy who was like made of steel?! I don't mean literally. “It's not that it was all new to him, but he never expected to have you in his life after his divorce.”

I looked down and thought about it. “Hey, don't be such a downer, squirt. You're actually an unexpected blessing to him like she was. He was a bit of a mess after his divorce and when he lost his custody of seeing his daughter. Both of you have saved him from that.” He patted my head again and I looked up again. “Then... when I was given up, why didn't anyone helped her? She needed help more than I was when those eastern guys called the yakuzas were after her. Are they really that bad?” I did wanted to know why nobody was helping her all this time.

“It's... a bit more complicated. I did at the beginning to help her shake them off. But no matter what we did, they always had a good grip on her location until 'we' manage to escape from their sight. It was like an endless cycle. Those easterners, the yakuzas to be specific, are not to be underestimated. She then eventually joined a resistance group that used to be called the Red Dragons Mafia. I believed those kids have told you their story. Right?”

“Y-yeah... they did. But Bugs, why are they after my mom all this time? Is it about the 'gift?'”

“Yes, it is. Those snakes were going to use your 'gifts' for their personal agenda. If they found out about you-”

“I'll be in danger and so will my friends and family.” That part I know well. “I sort of heard it from Bastet... and I understand. God knows what I'll be doing right now or if I'm fortunate enough to be alive at this point... I'm not gonna blame anybody for the separation. I just want to know why.”

“Now, you sounded like your mother. She was always looking for both sides of the story.” He then smiled again.

“I doubt it. I always think that I would be more like y dad... I'm nothing like what they say.” I said it with honesty.

“True, cause your old man was being honest too. Even if it wasn't easy. Now, anything else? I need to hide again soon before any mafia goons starts to look around.”

“Ah! Actually, did you... allied with those two brothers after that day?” I had that morale question since I've grown close to them and their Blue Dragon crew.

“Why ask that kind of question?” He raised an eyebrow on that.

“It's just... I still want to believed in the justice both of us and the others who does, but then there are others like Mickey and Oswald, who they also believed in justice of their own brand. Bugs, is it... alright for having allies like that? Like you and dad was with mom?” I was anxious until he responded.

“I knew them well and I know what you mean. As long as they do the right thing or they don't kill unnecessary, an enemy of my enemy is my ally. In today's age, we need all the help we can get against those gangsters and assassins we're up against. They're not the bad guys.”

“Then... it's alright if we work with them?” I asked again just to be sure.

“Of course.” He nodded and he got up. I immediately hugged him one more time before he disappears again. “I... Just wanted to tell you to be careful... You're probably the one person that I can look up to like a father... Please stay safe and tell me in whatever communication you can... I just want to at least know you're alright.”

He chuckled, hugged me back and ruffled my hair again. “Don't worry about me, squirt. I'm not that easy to kill and I will.”

-------- Two months later -------------

After that night I've reunited with Bernard 'Bugs' Bonney, I've been kept very busy with my 'new' life here.

Once I was healed, I immediately started to know the areas here and there. I've also grown close to the police officers here and I also trained like crazy! Sheba was a bit overly eager to train with me, but luckily Sam was there to help me out. I also found a new place to live for me and my nephews. I was very fortunate the apartment place was still close to the school the kids go to and it was at a very good price too! Luckily we didn't overstayed too long at Woody's place while he was away.

Speaking of him, he's doing fine back in Ireland and he's coming back in about two weeks. That's gonna make the station even more lively once he returns!

I also befriended quite a few people here. Shopkeepers, vendors, and even residences. This district is almost as peaceful as ever. It's like the whole 'mafia' thing never really happened. Granted, I did got a glimpse of thieves and crooks from time to time, I also investigate the other districts too for other things and searching.

I'm still working under the law, the JUSTICE law, for my father and my older sister who died in the line of duty... and was killed by both the mafia and that mold in the force... I swore to Bugs that I will leave the 'mold' to him and I will respect that decision. Even if it is hard for me to do so.

But at least I can rest a bit easy about the 'Devil' guy I was warned about. He's only got a few more months to live... I hope that the 'real' one reserved a special place for him down below for all the crimes he committed and related. Until I get the confirmation, I'll keep my guards up until he's officially dead.

And about my 'gift'... I decided to use them on occasions. I still wanted to use my detective skills first before I use it in my investigations for when I'm really stuck. I also wanted to say that I've 'passed' my test... I'm now at what I believed to be half way done with my training... It's gonna be a bit too long to explain all the details, but I'm feeling more confident that I'm gonna be finished with my personal training and that I won't have to wear my rings as much as I have to.

But I also kept in mind about my time with the kids and my friends... I do my best to be there for them as always. Sometimes it's a bit hard, but I do manage to make up for it...

I walked up the metal stairway to a roof top in Chicago's Chinatown district. Why do you ask what I'm doing? Just keep reading...

I was told from a 'friend' of his that a certain rabbit was back in town. I saw him laying down on a makeshift bench out of one large crate. He was wearing a blue Elvis inspired jacket, a white shirt I assumed, a pair of black pants, knee high boots and he had a rabbit mask next to him. He seems like he was resting.

I know that tiring feeling for 'overworking.' Yet he still looks so cool like that...

“You got something for me, Hēi māo? I can hear you coming from down below with something heavy.” He looked at me and smirked. “Well, well. I haven't seen THAT for quite sometime.”

I was wearing a red fedora with a yellow ribbon, a red overcoat, a yellow sweater underneath, black pants and shoes. I had a suitcase I've carried at my side too...

“It used to be my mother's. I'm guessing that she used to wear 'men's' clothing on occasions?” I commented and blushed a bit.

“I thought I wouldn't see that again. How did you manage to find them in good condition?” He asked.

“It was on one of my 'personal' investigations that I stumbled across an old suit case that had my mother's first name that I found in an abandoned, old building. I also found this that came along with it.” I handed out the suitcase. “There's ten thousand dollars in here. I want you and your brother to have them.”

That surprised him, and he declined. “Why the heck would you hand it over to us? We're not poor.”

“It's for everything you both done to me... I have my life back in control with my 'gift' and got my job back somewhat. Plus, you guys could have sold the ring for the debt that Mickey had with the Disney company. That... really means a lot to me now more than ever. If anything, it's the least I can do to say thank you.”

“It's not like he's going to be forever in debt. He's close to clearing it pretty soon, despite it wasn't easy...” He looked down as if he was angry and guilty.

“Oswald. It wasn't your fault. Bendy is responsible for what he did to you and Mickey. Now please stop blaming yourselves for that.” Gosh! They both shared the same traits...

“Whatever, we don't need it and it's yours to keep.” He pushed it to me. “But I don't want it.” I push it back. “It belong to your mother and now it's yours.” He does it again. “Then at least keep it for emergency.” And so did I.

He was getting frustrated. “There's a place called a BANK. Learn how to use them, Hēi māo. We don't want ANYTHING in return.”

“But I don't want to claim it as my own and I don't mean as a cash in. I want you two to have it and use it for a good cause.”

“Why us of all the people?” He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

“Cause... you guys are working really hard on taking down the Alfonso mafia along with Bendy... and you're both on the look out for those yakuzas that took your adopted 'family' at the same time. I still wanted to do the right way like my father and my older sister used to do, but if anything... I want to help too.”

“You want to join us?” He asked.

“...” I didn't have anything to say for that... Until he gave me his answer.

“If you're still not sure, I'm not going to force you. You could be a valuable addition to our team if you do. We still have time before anything else with Bendy's involvements.”

“Speaking of Bendy, he's still not laying a foot in this territory after that drug bust. I believed that he was kept busy with the 'day job' and publicity appearances in the social life. I guess he might be planning something else for 'us' and  I don't know when he'll strike.”

“If he does 'tried' to strike, he can only do so much here. We may have the skills and numbers in our advantage, but it's still gonna take even more if we're going to take him down for good.” He then looked out beyond the roof tops.

“I know. Catching criminals is only half the job. To make sure they stay behind bars, you'll need hard evidence too. Bendy was VERY careful to not leave any evidence of his presence at any crime scene.” I looked out to his view as well.

“Don't forget. He also has some people in his pocket at the court house. Ain't gonna have much luck with them if he's caught IN the Chicago borders. But if he was caught in 'another' state...” He smiled devilishly but handsomely. “He won't have much luck. Even with all the money he 'got' to burn.”

I was a bit breath taken at that look he makes... yet I felt frighten. He averted his eyes to me.

“Remember that bullet that struck your side and the weapon he used on you and our 'last' job?” He showed me a photo of the used to be the same gun. “We manage to recovered all of the pieces the wolf had crushed. Also...” He puts them away. “Before our grand 'entree,' we knew that we needed a really hard evidence: his own words. We place a tape recording well hidden in that factory.”

I was astounded. “Wh- How did that turned out?”

“Exactly what we wanted. A confession for all of the crimes he said in that factory. We were lucky to have a very extended tape reel for the time we were there. Cause it was a long one.”

“Then, are you guys going to use it?” He then frowned. “Not anytime soon. We still need to severe his ties here. Remember, he has the 'laws' here that serves him as a safety net or insurance. Whatever you wanted to be called. If we use it now, he's only going to use them as an escape charge.”

“Hey... There was some mentioning of both your involvements... Are you both alright with that?” I remembered that they USED to be in the Red Dragon 'mafia'... And their involvements in their last job...

“It may sound crazy, but we did manage to gather some evidence that proves our 'innocence' and our mentor's too. All we need to do is wait for the right time.”

“And... how much longer will that be? I'm not trying to rush, but... what are you waiting for?” I looked deep in his eyes. But once he looked back at me, I have that chilling feeling down my spine. I immediately looked away, but then he took my jaw and made me look back in his eyes. I somewhat see anger, yet there was something else...

“You might think it's something superstitious, but I have that nagging feeling that something big is about to happened... Again.” My eyes widen. “Is he planning another drug operation?” He shook his head and lets me go.

“Nah... But it's gonna hit him hard this time... and I've waited long enough since that night he bended me over and made me his b!tch... He's getting exactly what he really deserves. For what he did to me, the 'family' we grew up with and all the people he destroyed and scared for life...”

I was lost in his words... It's like I'm seeing a reflection of myself... “But let's be clear on one thing. I know it sounds like wishful thinking, but let's not try to kill anyone out of thrills. I don't want to have bloods on our hands just like Bendy would have for his enemies.”

“Trust me, it's not going to be us... because there's more characters in this city than we know and don't, that will do the job.”

In other words... it's going to be a certain someone that will bring him down a leg and THEN 'we' step in to finish the job.

“I need to get back soon. Now take the bills in your account-”

“No. I still want you to take it. At least for safe keeping.” I still didn't want the money. “Again, we don't want it and it's 'yours' to keep.” He was getting annoyed.

“Then I'll flip you for it! Heads you take it, Tails I keep it!” I took out a quarter and showed how serious I am.

He raised an eyebrow and then agrees. “I guess it's better than 'talking' it out. Fine, I accept.”

I smirked and fling the coin. Just as it came down, he quickly snatched it and showed the tails side vertically. “Hey! That's cheating!” He just smirked. “That's how we do a flip coin here.” I just glared at him, but he laughed it off. “But if you insist, I can take it off your possession for the moment. If Mickey was here, he would have said the same thing I would have.”

“At least he's nicer...” I softly scoffed. It was a bad move for me once I saw his left eye gleam and it send a chill in my spine. Then he smiled devilishly again. “Oh? Do you have a crush on him now?” I stuttered a bit and shouted. “BW-hatthe?! NO I'M NOT!” He then quick snatched my chin and that surprised me with a blush. “Alright. Then how about me, Xiǎo māo? You still haven't give that answer to my question a couple of months back...” I was blushing redder. That Chinese words... means kitten?!? He's calling me that now?! I wasn't responding so he took his other hand and he was like holding my face closer to his, unconsciously dragging myself closer to him.

“Xiǎo māo, I'm still waiting for that answer.” I was still mesmerized in his deep blue eyes... Every time I see in them, it's like I was in a trance... I then realized he was inches away from my face and I was blushing in a deep shade of red.

“Heh.” He said before he lets go and I immediately backed up, only to get tripped backwards by his right foot he cleverly put behind mine without me noticing.

“Ack! Don't. DO THAT! Why are you doing this to me?!” I lifted myself up, only to get my chin up and faced him again.

“Depends if you're gonna answer mine first.” He gave me a coy look and I was flustered. Dang that good look!

“I-i-i-I DON'T know! It just... I don't know!” It was all I can think of at the moment. He took a few seconds to think and then said.

“Well, if you still don't have an answer, I can wait for that too. You better not having a crush on me once you figure it out.” I blabbed out something inaudible when he said that! He then cuts off with a question. “So how did you and that grey hare detective doing? Is he still alive since we've last met?”

I immediately regained my posture cause despite he just drives me crazy at the moment, I'm still somewhat owed him for finding Bernard that I was also looking for and they 'saved' us from the 'mold' in the police force.

“He's doing fine the last time I've heard from him by Chief Pikachu... It may have been by letters before we had to burn them, but at least he's doing fine. I just... wished that I could help out more.” I did made a promise to Bernard that I will leave the 'mold' to him, but I still wanted to help him in anyway I can.

“You're working yourself to an early grave and you STILL wanted to help? You sounded just like what my little brother would have said with the animators.” He rolled his eyes.

“But I... Never mind. Just...please take the money for safe keeping. It would make me feel better if it can be of any use for a good cause.” I just want to leave already!

He then thinks about it for a minute and then picks up the suitcase. “If that's what you wanted, then I'll take it off from your paws for now. But I'm still not going to use it unless it was necessary.” It's still better than nothing so I nodded. “Thanks. Are you planning to stay for a while?”

“Only to check. Bendy is still not making a move here yet, but we're still not going to slack off. If I were you, I'd focus on self improvement. If you can't stand a chance against me, you're not gonna have much with him, only worse.” He then leaves the roof top by the apartment door...

I then looked out to the neighborhood once again, thinking of what have been going on all this time and took a deep breath.

From the day I've met them, it's been one surprise after another and I was not expecting that 'WE' all had a common goal.

Sure, it sounds crazy that I'm 'co-operating' with vigilantes like them, but they respected much better than most of the people that I've worked with (excluding my friends.) I guess that I've saw a new point of view of justice...

Is it alright for me to be allied with them? Then again, my father and Bernard did gave my mother a chance...

I then looked up to the sky... thinking if they were all up there... looking down at me...

“Mom... Dad... Sis... I hope that I'm doing the right choice here. If Bernard trust them enough to work with them, than I will too.” Is what I decided.

Look out, Bendy! You may have 'removed' me from the Chicago Police Department, but that's not going to stop me from taking you down!

Bring it on all or nothing!

THE END... For now.

Read Chapter 27 here or read the beginning here.

AND THAT’S THE END!!!!!

You have no idea of how much I wanted to finish this....

I’m sorry that I didn’t wrote much in the author’s note, I had something going on.

So just to finish this up, I wanted to thank you for reading my alternate prequel story of the BBTIM.

Like I’ve said, this is not really a canon prequel, it’s just a pass time I did while we wait for the next pages to come up. I DID wanted to be close to the canon as possible so if in the future canon that my story was not true, I didn’t know at the time.

So I hope you’ve enjoyed reading and have a nice day! See you next time!

BBTIM Characters belong to Marini4. Some OCs belong to me, Disney and others.

[everythingjonsa]

Snowed under by your love - Chapter 4.

Okay so this one came by pretty quickly to me but am not sure if the next one will come out at the same pace. Thank you all for all the love and encouragement you’ve been showering me with. It’s the reason why I keep writing. 

My jonsa soul sister @kitten1618x who is my alpha and beta is truly meticulous and thorough in her editing and I am not happy with my writing until she is. So thank you very much, Love!!

Special mention to @becky217 for the prompt response and feedback. @fedonciadale @accuritefish @littledove @mommyandherblog @icequeen28 @hopepeaceandblackgirlmagic @geekprincess26 @lanamv96 @vervainqueen7 @annarosym @treehillraven23-blog @iqqsgonnabeokay @broadwaysprincess @trinuviel @justbrie @castalya @jami-elite @sestamibi-baby @cute-poison20102014 @hyojung12 @sweatysnow @vale110391 @tamica76 @longlivetheyoungwolf @teddyduchess @riahchan @bethnoel @amnex @twilight-sparx @nina2406 @nat111love @eternallyvain @tayanassayag @ronarch2671 @yol101 @unimportantpoetry @myownblueworld @graceverse @m-s-21 @vitvill98 @sansajons @poprox012-blog @devonmorgan1 @redwolf1283 @strangebirds1202 @ralphy246 @littlebird-whitewolf Thank you all for the replies, comments, likes and reblogs..

Because I am not yet on Ao3 and I’m not sure if you’d like to be tagged, please feel free to to leave a reply or message or ask if you’d like to be tagged. Thank you so much for your patience!!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Sansa let the warm water run down her hair, in the shower.  Today had been the toughest day of her life and, she was physically, mentally and emotionally drained out of every single ounce of energy. Can one really outrun destiny? I guess not, she thought. Karma was a bitch and it did come to bite you in the ass. She’d known when she had made the decision of raising Lyanna alone that if the day ever came that Jon Snow found out about his daughter, both their lives would be irreversibly changed. She had panicked when Jon told her about dragging her to the court about Lyanna. Her mind had painted before her, a thousand scenarios of Lyanna standing in a witness box, Lyanna being interviewed by strangers and so many other scary situations for her little baby that she’d forgotten that Jon COULDN’T BE SURE that Lyanna was his. And she had slipped. She had given him the conformation, he was looking for. She’d told him Lyanna was his daughter, after almost five years of keeping the fact hidden from him. And Jon had reacted exactly like she had expected him to react. In fact, knowing Jon Snow, it could’ve been far worse.

He’d wanted his daughter, from the very minute he’d realised she was his. Why do you want her now, she’d ached to ask him, but knew as soon as the question arose in her mind that, it was rather unfair of her to do so. Hadn’t she herself wanted her baby? From the very moment, she’d known she was pregnant, from the very first flutter she’d felt in her womb?

Sansa had also known there was no point in deterring Jon or arguing with him about Lyanna. Nothing she said or did was going to change his mind about having his daughter in his life. She’d seen the determination in his eyes and she’s known that it was more sensible for her to just resign to the fact that this is how it was going to be from now on. Jon wanted in, and there was no way on earth, she was going to be able to stop him. Not that she wanted to. Unbeknownst to Jon, a great burden had been lifted from Sansa’s heart. She’d never liked keeping Lyanna a secret from Jon and now, she didn’t have to.

But suggesting that they go to Winterfell?? THAT WAS UNEXPECTED. Sansa squeezed her eyes shut when she remembered their argument over his suggestion.

“Pack your bags??” Sansa had been outraged at his audacity. “I hope you do realise that you can’t be ordering me around, Jon Snow. I do have a choice whether or not I want to go.”

Jon had literally snarled at her. “Exactly like I had a choice, five years ago, whether or not I wanted my daughter?” He had inched closer to her and she thought all her cognitive abilities had come to an abrupt halt. Damn the man, for having such an effect on her even after five long years. His breathing was very irregular and she could see the fury flash in his eyes. “You should be thanking me that it’s not much worse for you, Sansa Stark. But if you keep your ego aside for a moment, you’ll see that it’s actually a good thing to happen for Lya.”

Sansa hadn’t, for the life of her, been able to understand how this could work in Lyanna’s favour. She’d dreaded thinking about how Robb was going to react if she EVER told him. A shudder ran down her back and Jon had moved away, pulling a chair to sit down. He’d pulled one for her to sit on too, but she had stubbornly refused, like a petulant child. Jon had simply shrugged and continued talking. “All the stories that I’ve heard from Lyanna, in whatever little time that I spent with her, have been about her Uncles and Aunties and Granny and Grandpa and her cousins which can only mean that your family is very much a part of her life and she obviously loves them a lot. It’s rather evident, therefore, to me at least that if I am going to be an active part of her life and so are they; we’re going to have to meet eventually.” Jon interlinked his palms and placed his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward, his face filled with disquiet. “So why wait for it to happen? Besides, I’ve been running away from facing your father for years now. I don’t want to anymore.” Sansa had remembered that fateful day all too well and she could see in Jon’s eyes that he did too. “You can tell Lyanna, that we’re going to Winterfell with her Uncle Robb’s friend. We’ll sail to White Harbour and drive down to Winterfell from there. It will give us a lot of time together. Once we’re in Winterfell we’ll …. ummmm…. talk to your family, and then slowly break it to her. She’ll have the people she trusts, around her. It’s the best place for her to be, really.”

Sansa wondered how the ‘talk to your family’ bit was going to work out. She knew that her mother and father would be civilised about the whole thing, at the very least. Bran was going to be himself, probably wearing the ‘I warned you this would happen’ look on his face. Arya was undoubtedly the right person to talk to if Sansa was even going to entertain this mad idea. Rickon was perhaps going to be the first one to hug Jon but Robb? Once again, Sansa dreaded thinking about how Robb was going to react. Jon didn’t have a clue how fiercely protective Robb was about Lyanna and how much he’d hated Jon for everything that happened. But he’d never admitted any of this, not even to himself. But Jon did have a point. Lyanna felt most at home, at Winterfell. She was the eldest Stark grandchild. Robb and Talisa’s Ben was just two months younger than Lya but they got along with each other like house on fire, just like their fathers had once. It was also where Lya had come to realise that she didn’t have a father like her cousins. She invented stories and told them to Ben about her imaginary father who was fighting monsters in castles so that he could come back to her. Ben, who adored Lya, believed every word she said. It was their ‘not-very-secret’ secret. She loved playing big sister to Anna, Lilly, George and Nymeria. She’d often begged Sansa to move closer to her family and her cousins. If she were to discover that she had a father too, like she’d always wanted and imagined, it was really in her interest that it happened at Winterfell.

Jon had probably seen the resignation in her eyes. He’d risen up from where he was sitting. “I’ll call you tomorrow morning, Sansa, and I’m hoping you’re going to have an answer by then.” The firm look had come back on his face when he slowly prowled towards her. “If you and Lyanna don’t come with me, I’ll go to Winterfell by myself and bring them all down here, even if I have to wage a war to do it, and then tell Lyanna myself that I’m her father.” He brushed past her and opened the door to leave but not before he told her, “And don’t think, even for a second, that I won’t do it.”

Sansa turned off the shower with a start. The worst thing that could ever happen, was Jon going to Winterfell all by himself. It was a risk she couldn’t take. Who knows what might come tumbling out of her family members mouths in her absence.  Jon Snow must never know, why she did, what she did.

Sansa wrapped herself in a towel and got out of the bathroom. She towel dried her long red hair and changed into her PJs. Sansa then slowly tip-toed into Lya’s room and watched the serene expression on her daughter’s face while she slept. In spite of the emotional roller coaster that Sansa had experienced today, she couldn’t stop herself from smiling. When Lya was awake, Sansa often wondered when she would go to sleep so she could get some work done and maybe have some time for herself. But when Lya finally did go off to sleep, Sansa got bored of the silence and the absence of the melodious voice that said ‘Mummy’ every single minute. Were mothers always so conflicted? She knelt down beside her daughter’s bed, carefully ran her hand over her forehead and kissed it, resisting the temptation to do it a hundred times more. How was Lya going to deal with Jon’s presence in her life? What kind of a father would Jon be?

She already knew the answer to that, she thought as she quietly went back to her room. Jon would probably take some time, but he would be the best ever father Lyanna could hope for. Just as he had been the best ever friend to Robb and Theon, the best ever brother to Arya, Rickon and Bran, the best ever son to Ned and Catelyn Stark. Jon had always kept his distance from her and she hated it. Sansa knew she was partly to blame for this distance. She had always behaved cold and indifferent around him. Her siblings, especially Arya, had hated her for this coldness she had shown towards Jon. But neither her siblings nor Jon, had ever known the REAL reason behind her indifference. Sansa had had the hugest crush on him, from the very first moment that she had set her eyes on him. Her heart would start pounding, her pulse racing and her palms would become sweaty when Jon was around. She had been scared her siblings would figure out her true feelings. So had she feigned indifference and dislike to cover up the crush that was festering inside her heart like a wound that wouldn’t ever heal. She had tried her best to get him to notice her in a not so obvious manner, wearing the best of clothes, trying to look as pretty as she could. Unfortunately for her, Jon had always seen her as Robb’s kid sister and nothing else.

It had gotten worse when Jon had started dating girls. Sansa had been heartbroken. She vividly remembered the first time Jon had shyly introduced his first girlfriend, Val, to the Starks. Jon was living with them, then. Val was a stunning blonde beauty at 16, and Sansa, who was only twelve, felt gangly and ugly in front of her. She’d thrown a terrible temper tantrum about a spinach pie and had been grounded for a day by her mother, who was appalled by the fact that her otherwise lady-like girl, had behaved like a hussy. Robb and Arya had tried to speak to her but she had shut them away. She’d always struggled with her feelings for Jon, as she was too fearful to talk to her siblings about it, worried that they would judge her for having these feelings for someone who was like a brother to the rest of them. She had never had an outlet to vent her frustration and that had made things worse for her. When Jon and Robb had turned 18, they had both wanted to move out of the Stark mansion, especially Jon but her father had put his foot down. Finally, a truce had been drawn. Robb and Jon would move to the outhouse which was very much in the premises of the mansion. This had made things worse for Sansa, for now when she went to meet Robb, many times she encountered Jon alone and she didn’t know how to behave around him. Like Robb, Jon had been extremely protective of her and Sansa wondered if any boy would ever have the guts to ask her out, with the reputation that preceded her.

Sansa got into her bed and stacked the pillows for her to rest her head. She sighed and thought about how she’d gone on a dating spree when she’d turned 16, to retaliate against Robb’s machinations to protect her and to convince herself that she didn’t really need Jon Snow. But every boy she’d ever dated proved to be disappointing, if not disgusting and she’d pined more and more for the one boy, she couldn’t have. Finally, things had come to a turn when she had started dating Joffrey Baratheon, a boy who was equal parts disappointing and equal parts disgusting. Robb had thrown a fit, when he came to know that Sansa was dating Joffrey, which had encouraged Sansa to mute the voice of her conscience, and continue dating Joffrey, in rebellion. She still remembered that fateful night, so clearly.

Sansa straightened her knee-length black skirt and green blouse. She was very happy with how her outfit had turned out. Today was her special date with Joffrey. He’d promised to surprise her by taking her someplace special. He’d promised her father, that he’d bring her home on time. Sansa came down the stairs and the first person she encountered was her brother Robb, who was glowering at Joffrey like a big grey wolf. Next to him sat Jon Snow, who looked broodier than his usual self. He must’ve sensed her presence for he looked up at that precise moment and their eyes locked. In all the four months that she’d dated Joffrey, Sansa had never felt so charged and light-weighted at the same time as she felt now, with just one look from Jon. He took in her appearance, slowly giving her a once over and when his eyes returned back to hers, they looked darker and stormier, if that was even possible. Sansa stood rooted to the spot, unable to look away from him.

“Sansa, you look ….” Started Joffrey, getting up from the couch to offer her, his arm, but Robb growled and Joffrey recoiled a little bit, then rolled his eyes. “Ummm… This is a pretty dress. Shall we go?”

She could still feel Jon’s eyes on her. Of course, he disapproved of Joffrey. Why would he not? Robb didn’t like Joffrey, so it was obvious that Jon would follow suit. He had never vocally expressed his dislike and so Sansa was taken aback when she heard him say, “WAIT ….” She turned back to see him get up from his place and walk towards them. Jon was twenty now, piling on muscles by the day and looked menacing in his favourite black T-shirt and Black jeans that he usually wore, matching the black of his mood. He gave her a tentative look before glaring into Joffrey’s eyes with absolute purpose.

 “If you try anything funny with her, golden boy” he paused, a muscle working in his jaw, “Anything at all..” He repeated looking at Sansa again, and she felt dizzy with the intensity in his grey eyes. “You will wish, you were never born….” And with another terse look at the two of them, he stormed back into the house leaving Sansa totally and utterly shocked. It was all she could think about, on her way to some party that Joffrey was taking her to.

 Apparently, ‘a party at one of his friend’s house’ was Joffrey’s idea of a special date and Sansa was thoroughly disappointed with him. Her thoughts, however, kept drifting back to Jon. It was so out of character for Jon, to have threatened Joffrey, the way he had. She had been too stunned to even react like she would’ve if it were Robb who had issued the same threat. Robb and Theon were the most aggressive of the three. Well, if truth be told, Theon was just plain stupid, Robb was the aggressive one and Jon was the more level-headed of the three, who usually bailed them out of fights, or stopped them from getting into one.

Sansa continued to be lost in her thoughts about Jon, when she suddenly realised that something was terribly wrong with her. She was feeling awfully dizzy and she’d not even consumed alcohol. Had her drink been spiked with something? Joffrey was now giving her a sly look and all warning bells started going off in Sansa’s brains. In spite of the numbness that was dulling her brains, she thought fast and hard for an escape route. 

If Sansa was anything, she was a survivor. She smiled sweetly at Joffrey and told him she wanted to use the Loo, and he had obviously not suspected a single thing. Sansa summoned every single ounce of her willpower to pretend that she could walk steadily but the minute she reached the bathroom, she bolted herself inside. 

She reached into her purse and took out her phone to dial Robb’s number. It was unreachable. She couldn’t even see the numbers on her phone correctly. Frustrated and extremely petrified at whatever Joffrey had planned for her, she pressed the phone assist and yelled ‘JON’ into it. Sansa went to the bathtub and lay down in it, hoping against hope that Jon picked up the phone. He did, on the first ring. “Sansa??”

“JON!” Sansa yelled into the phone “I think Joffrey has spiked my drink. My vision’s blurred, my head is spinning, I can’t even stand on my feet.”

Jon swore so harshly that Sansa was surprised he knew to swear at all. “Don’t move from there. I’ll be there in exactly five minutes.” He cut the call. Even in her daze, Sansa remembered that she never told Jon where to come and get her. She tried to get up from the tub and staggered to the basin when she heard some commotion below. It sounded like furniture was being dragged around the house and someone was hammering the wood a lot. Sansa splashed water on her face and drank at least a few litres in an attempt to flush whatever was in her system. After what felt like a few centuries later, a knock sounded on the bathroom door.

“Sansa…” Jon’s voice came through from the other side. Relief flooded her entire being and Sansa ran unsteadily to the door, unlocked it and flew into Jon’s arms without waiting for him to offer that comfort. Whatever Jon was about to say, had frozen in his mouth, just as he had, when she hugged him. This was the first time that she’d ever gotten this physically close to him. In the next instant, she felt his strong arms go around her, gathering her more securely against him, almost lifting her off her feet. She felt him press his lips against her temple and she was lost, lost in the sensation that was Jon Snow. She nuzzled against his cheek and inhaled his familiar scent. She felt like, this is where she belonged; this is where she was always meant to be; that she had found her haven. But the moment was lost as quickly as it had come, for Jon pushed her away from him with a slight jerk. “Sansa, are you alright?” he said, his breath coming out in huffs.

Sansa took a while to focus on him. He had thrown a black leather jacket over his previous attire but what really caught her attention was his bloody fist. She immediately reached for it, but he drew his hand away. She looked at him furiously. “What did you do to him?”

Sansa saw that violent look come into his eyes. “The less you know, the better. Come now, let’s get you home.”

But Sansa refused to budge. Suddenly a thought nagged at her brain. “How did you know where to find me?”

Jon rubbed his eyes with his fingers. Thankfully, his other fist looked intact. He looked extremely uncomfortable when he answered her. “Robb, Theon and I followed you here. It was Robb’s idea.” He added, when he saw Sansa’s shocked expression. “And you should be thankful we did. He was planning to put on a show for his friends with you, the bloody motherfucker.” Jon spat the words looking angrier than Sansa had ever seen him look. Sansa felt a sudden wave of nausea overcome her and her anger at Robb for having followed her on her date instantly disappeared. She should thank her stars for having a protective, interfering and loving brother like Robb in her life. What would’ve happened if he had decided to leave her alone, just like she had told him to, a million times?

“Before you ask me” Jon’s heated voice broke through her thoughts and she looked at him. “Yes, Robb and Theon were right here. They’ve taken those assholes to the police. Robb asked me to take you home.” Then suddenly, he turned his anger on her. “What the hell is wrong with you, Sansa? Why are all your boyfriends, miserable twisted fucks?”

Jon’s face was now inches away from Sansa’s and maybe it was the drug still acting up in her system but all her anger at Jon was coming back to her. She rolled her eyes. “Because obviously, I’m not dating the person, I desperately want to date.”

Jon’s expression changed and he creased his brows in confusion. “There’s someone else you want to date?” He took a firm step towards her. “Why don’t you then?” His words sounded harsh. Jon clearly did not trust her choice.

Sansa gulped at the disdain she heard in his voice. HE, was responsible for this. She was bursting from within. “Because, he doesn’t want me.” The truth hurt her, but she said it anyway.

Jon looked at her for ten long seconds and then scoffed, shaking his head. “What kind of an imbecile, wouldn’t want you, Sansa Stark?”

Sansa’s heart was pounding against her rib-cage. By some stroke of luck, an opportunity had been presented to her, to finally say what was in her heart. Did she have the courage to go through with it? Sansa took a step forward. She would’ve fallen had Jon not held both her arms and steadied her.

Blue eyes were locked with dark grey ones “Would you call yourself an imbecile, Jon Snow?”

Jon looked like he’d been punched in the face. He narrowed his eyes, then looked shocked and then looked confused. “Sansa….” He said after what seemed like an eternity. “You can’t possibly mean what you said.”

Sansa felt stung, rejected. What had she expected anyway? She tried to wriggle out of his grasp but he didn’t let her escape. It was a futile attempt anyway. He was far stronger than her. Fury and frustration bubbled inside her. If she’d come down this far, she might as well go all the way. So she looked directly into his eyes and said “I like you, Jon Snow. Deal with it.” And she kissed him.

She threaded her fingers through his dark silken curls like she’d always imagined in her dreams, and pressed her lips to his. His lips felt soft and warm and she wanted more. Jon still stood like a rigid cold statue and Sansa suddenly realised the folly of her actions. This was definitely going to be the most embarrassing day of her teenage life. How was she going to face Jon, after today?

Her grip on his hair slowly slackened. She was about to move away from him, when he suddenly held her face in his palms and devoured her mouth in a ferocious kiss that sent tremors through her entire body. It had to be SHOCK, thought Sansa desperately. Jon was kissing her. THIS WAS HAPPENING FOR REAL. Sansa was soaring above the skies as Jon’s kiss made her feel dizzier than the drug she had accidentally consumed. There was an entire orchestra playing inside her body as Jon’s mouth worked expertly over hers. Sansa’s hands travelled from his hair to his neck to his corded shoulders where she held on to him for dear life. She felt hot and cold at the same time. Never had she, in her entire dating history, been kissed so passionately by a boy like Jon was kissing her now. Jon’s fingers were now tangled in her hair and he angled her head slightly to deepen the kiss and she arched into him. His tongue was now doing the exploring and Sansa moaned loudly as she kissed him back with the same intensity.

The next instant Jon had withdrawn himself from her muttering ���Shit… Shit …Fuck… Shit…”

Sansa shut her eyes to stop the tears from flowing, because she knew all too well that the moment, however beautiful it was while it lasted, was over.

“I am a bloody lout…” Jon was cursing himself and in general. He looked utterly disgusted with himself. Then he turned to look at her. “I am sorry Sansa….b-but this … us… This can never happen. Ever… You are Ned’s little girl. You’re Robb’s sister.” Jon cringed at the very mention of Robb.

“Jon, there’s nothing wrong with what happened.” Sansa said, hoping against hope that he could stop seeing her as Sansa STARK. “Just because I’m Robb’s sister….”

“Sansa…just stop, please” Jon moved away from her, running his palm through his curly locks. “This was …. an…an aberration… Please don’t talk about this again.”

An aberration? He’d called the best kiss of her life an aberration? “You are a bloody imbecile, Jon Snow!” Sansa had yelled at him “I hate you more than anyone else in this world.”

And hatred she had felt, for herself, thought Sansa, as she drew the covers up to her chin, wiping the lone tear that had fallen out of her eye when she was lost in her memories of her past. For her utter inability to hate him. He’d brought home Ygritte, his new girlfriend the very next day and Sansa’s skin had turned to porcelain, and no one except Bran had noticed. He had been just fourteen, but was extremely intuitive. He had looked at her and Jon several times during that cursed dinner, which was nothing but a blur in her memory. She hadn’t displayed any emotion outwardly, but something inside her had shattered that day. A realisation had dawned upon her; one she would never be rid of.

A realisation that she would remain utterly and irrevocably in love with Jon Snow, to this day, until her last day!