#like shit broke my printer

[ver0xinart]

HES FINISHED. ALSO IM PRETTY SURE THIS THING IS SOMEHOW CURSED :’D

[lunartrashbin]

Screaming and crying and shitting myself and oh my god the colors came out so bad I only have the smallest assortment of crayola markers and this was not it but my god do I love them anyways

[bigfatbreak]

How can you still draw while being so stressed? There aren't even times where you just give up and you broke your tooth because you were gritting it due to stress. You can post 1 fully coloured drawing at least once a week/2 weeks and you're having one of the worst times in your life. How?? How do you do that??

if im ever so far gone i cant put pen to paper, i want you to ritualistically shoot me behind a laundry shed. the day i cant express myself thru my art even with the overwhelming burden of existing is the day im not human anymore. making shit is apart of my function, like how a printer prints or a fridge keeps things cool or the way your eyelid flickers and your pupils contract when the lights get turn on. i make because i must because i breathe

[i-prefer-base-twelve]

Ford x Reader x Sleep

It's not so much that you awaken as you're drop-kicked into consciousness. Heart racing, disoriented--it's still dark--Ford is sitting up beside you, panting, clutching the duvet to his chest.

Shit. Something's wrong. Fire? Intruder? "Ford?" You croak.

Ford looks in your general direction, confused. Then his eyes focus and his shoulders sag. He takes a ragged breath and smooths your hair.

"Nothing," he mumbles, voice shaky. "Nothing. Go back to sleep."

You frown up at him. "Bullshit," you say. "What's wrong?"

He looks out the window. Or, he would be looking out the window if the curtains weren't drawn. "Just a bad dream."

You prop yourself up on an elbow. Ford told you he had nightmares sometimes, but he's never startled you awake before. "It must have been pretty intense," you say. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

Silence. He stares hard at nothing. "You--" he stops, clears his throat, tries again. "You… he…" Ford closes his eyes. "He… possessed you."

No need to ask who HE is. Your stomach knots up on Ford's behalf. "Hey. Look at my eyes," you say softly, reaching out to place a hand on his cheek. "It's just me in here. He's gone. Forever."

Ford scowls, shoving your hand aside. "You think I don't know that?"

You flinch back. That stings, even if you know he's only angry at himself. "Hey, asshole, I'm trying to comfort you here. Either let me try or let me sleep."

At that, he grunts and lays back down, facing away from you. You stare at his back, wondering what you should do; you've never seen him like this and you might have just fucked it up. Before you can decide on a course of action, he rolls over to face you and rolls you onto your side and pulls you tight against his chest. You can feel his shaky breathing, his pounding heart.

You try to turn and look at him, but his arm around you is so tight you're pretty much pinned. If he doesn't calm down soon, you're gonna have bruises. And not the fun kind.

He clearly doesn't want to talk about it, so that leaves distraction. Distraction, distraction… ah! You say quietly, "Did I ever tell you about the moment I decided not to be a scientist?"

He shifts, arm loosening fractionally. "I didn't know you'd ever considered it."

You smile. This is totally going to work. "Yeah, I actually entered college as a chemistry major. There I was, all of 18 years and two weeks old, in organic lab, WAY over my head--"

"Organic chemistry as a freshman?"

"Oh. Yeah. I guess I tested out of a bunch of credits."

"You never told me that." There's a gentle admonishment in his voice. You try to find a tactful way to say I don't talk about my college days because I'm an adult and finally decide on, "It never came up. Anyway, there I was in my first real chemistry lab, surrounded by all this strange equipment, and I was just trying to get the melting point of something." Which you do by waiting for a chunk of it to melt and then reading a thermometer. Science is not always complicated. "I turned the heat on, but I knew this thing had a pretty high melting point, so I started writing up my report while I was waiting, but then I got distracted and forgot I was heating it up… until the machine got so hot the thermometer blew out of its housing and shattered against the ceiling."

Silence. Ford's body, pressed against you, begins to twitch with laughter. "You FORGOT?"

You shrug as best your pinned shoulders will allow. "It scared the bejezus out of the whole class. Thank god it wasn't a mercury thermometer! No one was hurt. But that's when I knew I wasn't cut out for life in a lab. Changed my major to computer science the very next day."

You feel Ford shake his head behind you. "Too bad. You would have made a great chemist."

You laugh at that. "Clearly I would not have! Anyway, no regrets. I made it through the CS program without breaking a single machine. Wait, did I… no. The printer broke itself. I just put it out of its misery. Which was honestly one of the more fun times I had in college..."

"Mmmm," Ford says. Your scheme is working; he's falling asleep. You stop rambling as you feel his arm go slack.

You open your eyes to find yourself in the middle of a chem lab. The air burns your throat and stings your eyes. The tables around you are full of improbable setups, Rube Goldberg glassware hosting all manner of sickly-colored liquids. As you look closer, you notice the liquids are flowing the wrong way through the glassware.

You jump at the sound of glass shattering on the floor behind you. As you turn around, the lights flicker. A voice speaks, seeming to come from all around you and inside your head all at once.

"AND JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

You jerk awake, feeling cold sweat on your face. Ford's arm still drapes across your stomach, his breathing still slow and easy. Good, you didn't wake him up. You try to match his breathing, focus on the physical sensations of his warmth and weight against you, try to calm down. Dreams, man.

The next thing you know, a big hand is smoothing your hair. You force your eyes open to see it's morning. Ford is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at you intensely. This isn't bizarre exactly, but it's not his normal pattern. Usually when you wake up, he's either long out of bed and knee-deep in mad science, or snuggled up next to you. You make an inarticulate questioning noise.

"I… made you coffee." He's strangely bashful, gesturing at the mug on your nightstand. Next to the mug is a plate of peanut butter toast and strawberries, aka the most breakfast you ever eat.

Ford brought you breakfast in bed.

Ford has never brought you breakfast in bed before. You didn't know he was even aware of breakfast in bed as a concept.

You sit up, turning to lean against him as you reach for the coffee. "Thanks," you say, not managing to keep the confusion out of your voice. He puts an arm around your waist and scoots closer.

Ford stays quiet, unusually quiet, while you drink your coffee. After nearly half a cup, he finally speaks. "No one's seen me like that before." He looks back to you, eyes locking onto yours. "I hope you don't think less of me."

You set your mug on the table and turn to face him. "Think less of you? No, of course not, why would I? Nightmares are scary."

He scowls, looking away. "You didn't deserve to be treated like that."

It finally clicks. He's embarrassed about waking up in a panic, and wants to apologize for snapping at you. You sigh, putting a hand on his knee. "Seriously, it's no big deal. You were freaked out, you didn't mean anything by it. Honestly, your reaction was pretty standard. I dated one guy who would actually wake up screaming--"

He looks at you then, pinching your hip playfully. There's the slightest smirk on his face. "I don't need to know about your exes."

You smirk back at him. "Point being, don't worry about it. I barely even remember waking up."

He looks relieved. "Were you able to get back to sleep ok?"

Were you? Now that he mentions it, you vaguely remember having an unsettling dream of your own. What was it…? Maybe you're just remembering feeling unsettled on his behalf. You nod and say, "Out like a light."

"Good." He takes your hand in his and squeezes it. And then, after a pause, he adds, "You know, before you, I would just spend the rest of the night awake. Pacing up and down the halls or writing in my journals. But with you…" he shakes his head, smiling. "I went back to sleep. You're a gift, and I intend to appreciate you better in the future."

You smile at him. "I like the sound of that."

He moves in to kiss you, and you gladly let him.

[dinodanicus]

you can skip this wall of text its just about the scam this illustration was involved in.

This fairly ordinary illustration of two hands holding was involved in a very weird and convoluted scam. Last month I was commission to illustrate this image for invitations meant to go out for a supposed wedding anniversary coming up in March. The whole commission seemed odd to me I mainly draw dinosaurs and aliens. Not many people know I also draw people but the buyer who called himself Petterson Reid was offering to pay 300 up front and 200 after the work was finished. A nice offer for what was a very simple illustration. I took the job and sent him a very rough sketch of the hands to show him what the final image might look like. He liked the sketch and told me to finish the image after he sent the first payment I went ahead and finished the image that night. I held onto the picture to see if he would really send the 300 dollars first. The buyer wanted to send a check by mail which is weird but I thought he might have been a boomer who didn't understand how to use PayPal. His emails and text seemed like something my grandmother would write very proper and overly polite. I was fairly suspicious of him and waited to see if a check would actually be delivered. To my surprise a check did arrive a week later from Petterson Reid except it was for 2,790 dollars. knowing this was far too much money I asked him if it was a mistake. He said the extra money was for a PayPal invoice to the printers involved in the invitations. He wanted me to use the extra money on the check to pay the printers on his behalf. Again very weird but I chalked it up to an old person who didn't know how to pay online. I cashed the check the next day, since it was from an out of state bank they were putting it on hold for 3 days to see if the funds would clear. I told the buyer about the three day waiting period and asked for the invoice I was suppose to be paying and he went absolutely ape shit. He claimed I was trying to steal his money and was threatening to pursue legal action I was completely shocked by the change in attitude. I had to mute my phone because he kept sending wave after wave of threatening texts. At this point I was 90% sure this was some sort of scam but when I called the bank they said there was nothing to do until the hold expired. I was confident it wouldn't then to my surprise the check cleared and the money was in my account. At this point I had the finished artwork and the money so I wanted to get this crazy asshole on his way so I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. I told him to send the invoice for the printer and I would pay it with the money on the check then I would send the picture and our business would be done. This prick sends some half assed looking invoice with a payable link on PayPal. When I try to pay, it says payment will be held till Feb 7th. Apparently this date is too late for the printers so now that processing payment has been canceled by the printer in favor of a new payment process through Zelle. I was trying to figure out what was going on, if its a scam what is the take the entirety of the check was still in my account it didn't even say it was pending. I go to pay on Zelle and discover the 2,790 dollars has been rescinded by the bank. I call and learn this ass hair had sent a forged check to the bank in an effort to have me pay these fake invoices with my own money. He guessed the bank would deposit the check without fully vetting it for the standard 10 days since I'm a long time member. He knew he had until about five a clock that day before the bank would catch the discrepancy. He was posing as the printer in order to scam 4,740 dollars from me through both attempted payment methods. luckily for me I'm broke as hell right now and didn't have the money in my own account to cover either payment with out the check. everything has been taken care of now I just thought I better share this story since I've never seen a scam like this before. It took an entire month for him to essentially get nothing I really don't know what to think of any of this its such a weird scheme.

[beuatifulbuttercup]

titan army shit bc it's the only thing keeping my life together

Billie: Lou Ellen… Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor? Lou Ellen: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned. Billie: Billie: I wrote sanitize, Lou Ellen.

Valentina, wearing shades: Rule one of destroying the world. Valentina: does finger guns You gotta look good while doing it.

Ellis: Where did you get that tomato soup? Clovis: It’s actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.

Luke: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.

Valentina: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call? Silena: No. No, Valentina, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Valentina calls Ellis. Number five: Billie gets eaten by a shark. Billie: I’m Billie, and I approve the order of that list.

Alabaster: Why am I the bad guy? Ethan: I don't know, why am I the pretty one? We all have our thing.

While the Squad is in a battle Luke, trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left! Chris: Take it back now y'all!

Billie: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face. Valentina: Valentina: I like you.

Luke: We've got to find a way to cut down our expenses. What can we live without? Ethan: Ellis, probably.

Ethan: You're pathetic! Lou Ellen: You're pathetic-er! Alabaster: You're both losers.

Silena after Chris went insane: Chris, can I ask you a question? Chris: Sure, anything. Silena: Why don't you go back to your own house and leave us alone?

Ethan: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway. Luke: Ethan: Vroom vroom, come out already.

Billie: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Alabaster's birthday invitations. Lou Ellen: Well, what are they supposed to say? Billie: "Alabaster's birthday". Lou Ellen: So, what do they say instead? Billie: "Alabaster’s bi". Lou Ellen: Lou Ellen: Works out either way.

[bailey-dreamfoot]

Hermitcraft Incorrect Quotes Compilation! [But its mostly Grian, Mumbo, and Scar]

I generated these a a while ago, they’ve been sitting in my drafts unfinished for like months. There's some references to ships incuded, as well as *slightly* suggestive lines and jokes, but nothing explicit, obviously.

------------------------

Mumbo, setting down a card: Ace of spades.

Grian, pulling out an Uno card: +4.

Scar, plling out a Pokeon card: Jolteon, I choose you!

Iskall, trebling: What are we playing?!

------------------------

Pearl: Iskall, you're such a genius!

Iskall: Yes, I know.

------------------------

Grian and Mumbo: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*

Grian: We need an adult!

Mumbo: Grian, you are an adult!

Grian: We need an adultier adult! Get Iskall!

------------------------

Scar: Jail is no fun. I'll tell you that much.

Mumbo: Oh, you've been?

Scar: Once. In Monopoly.

------------------------

Grian: Sometimes I wonder if I'm hearing voices.

Grian: Then I remember that's the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.

------------------------

Scar: Are You having another depressive episode?

Grian: A depressive episode?

Grian: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.

------------------------

Grian: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Scar's birthday invitations.

Mumbo: Well, what are they supposed to say?

Grian: "Scar's Birthday" .

Mumbo: So what do they say instead?

Grian: "Scar's Bi" .

Mumbo:

Mumbo: Works out either way.

------------------------

Mumbo: You saved me! Why?

Grian: People would think I murdered you if I didn't.

------------------------

Mumbo: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I'll find it along the way.

------------------------

Grian, about Scar: They're speaking in some kind of French.

Mumbo: Let me handle it. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.

------------------------

Mumbo, holding a fork: You know, you're talking a lot of shit for someone who has 2 perfectly good eyeballs each selling for about $16,000 on the blackmerket.

Iskall: ....

Mumbo: *lip smack*

------------------------

Grian: Something's off.

Scar: Maybe you've finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.

Grian: No, but that's funny.

------------------------

Scar: I mean- Grian's just standing there now.

Scar: Waiting for me I guess.

Scar: But it's okay, I think they've pretty much settles down.

Mumbo: Settled Down?

Scar: Well, they only stabbed me once.

------------------------

Mumbo, Grian and Scar: *screaming*

Iskall: *runs into the room* What's wrong Scar?

Mumbo: Wait, why are you asking Scar that when Grian and I are also here?

Iskall: Because Scar wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

------------------------

Grian: *running towards Mumbo with open arms*

Mumbo: *moves out of the way*

Grian: Hey, why'd you move?!

Mumbo: I thought you were going to attack me.

Grian: I was going to hug you!

Mumbo: Why would you hug me?

Grian: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

------------------------

Mumbo: Would you slap Grian-

Pearl: Yes.

Mumbo: I didn't even finish!

Pearl: Sorry, continue.

Mumbo: Would you slap Grian for 10 dollars?

Pearl: I would do it for free.

Grian: Rude...

------------------------

Grian: Is something burning?

Mumbo, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you~

Grian: Mumbo, the toaster is literally on fire.

------------------------

Iskall: *Locks Grian in the car* Act like a child, get treated like a child.

Grian: What? Isn't it illegal to leave a child locked in the car?

------------------------

Iskall: How would you like your coffee?

Mumbo: As dark and bitter as my soul.

Iskall, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

------------------------

Mumbo: Did Grian just tell e they loved me for the first time?

Scar: Yeah, they did.

Mumbo: And did I just do finger guns back?

Scar: Yeah, you did.

------------------------

Mumbo, looking through their clothes: Has anyone seen my jacket?

Iskall: Grian's in the kitchen.

------------------------

Grian: I'm gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of expresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions at once.

------------------------

Iskall: Don’t weep for the stupid. You’ll be crying all day.

------------------------

Mumbo: You borrowed a crane?

Grian: Not exactly.

Iskall: You stole a crane?!

Grian: Exactly.

(This one fits so well with Grian’s fisherman hut its not even funny)

------------------------

Grian: I think it's time to start fucking some shit up.

Mumbo: Oh no.

Grian: More like "oh yes!"

------------------------

Grian: You played me!

Iskall: Like the cheap kazoo you are!

------------------------

Mumbo: Some of us are still ‘it’ from a childhood game of tag.

Pearl: Way to just fuck me up on a Tuesday.

------------------------

Scar: I am the most responsible person in the group.

Mumbo: …You just set the kitchen on fire.

Scar: Yes, and I take full responsibility for that.

------------------------

Mumbo, looking at a selfie of Iskall’s: I hate this photo.

Iskall: I’m cute as fuck in that photo! I’m smiling kindly.

Mumbo: You’re not smiling kindly; you look like you’re up to something.

Iskall: Up to kindness.

------------------------

Hopefully yall enjoyed that :3

[stuckonmain]

I love the incorrect quotes for Ralph and Don! Could you do Leo please? Thank you! \(^-^ )

Sure, sorry it took a bit lol

***

Leo: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!

(Y/N): In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?

Leo: I don't know, surprise me!

***

(Y/N): This date is boring!

Leo: This isn't a date. I said I was going on patrol.

(Y/N): Then why did you invite me?

Leo: I didn't, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Leo I'll do whatever I want!

***

(Y/N): Is something burning?

Leo, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.

(Y/N): Leo, the toaster is literally on fire.

***

(Y/N): Are we fighting or flirting?

Leo: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-

(Y/N): Your point?

***

Leo: *eating a cinnamon roll*

(Y/N): Cannibalism.

Leo: *confused chewing noises*

***

Leo: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!

(Y/N): How can you still say that?

Leo: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

***

(Y/N): *makes Leo a cup of tea but puts salt in it*

Leo: *sips tea*

(Y/N):

Leo: *finishes tea*

(Y/N): Didn't it taste bad?

Leo: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.

(Y/N), tearing up: Oh, okay.

***

(Y/N): When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?

Leo: wHat?

(Y/N): I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.

Leo: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

***

(Y/N): Leo just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then they reached down and untied my shoe.

***

Leo: There’s no “I” in team, but there is one in pizza.

(Y/N): So, you’re not going to share?

Leo: I’m not going to share.

***

Donnie: Why are your tongues purple?

(Y/N): We had slushies. I had a blue one.

Leo: I had a red one.

Donnie: oh.

Donnie:

Donnie: OH.

Mikey:

Mikey: You drank each other's slushies?

***

Leo: I love you.

(Y/N): I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Leo and (Y/N) kiss passionately*

Mikey, to Raph: You owe me 20 dollars.

***

Mikey: H-how do you ask someone out?

Leo: Well, first-

(Y/N): Don't ask them, they asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Mikey: ...And you said yes?

***

*playing twister*

Raph: Right hand red.

(Y/N): *ends up on top of Leo*

Leo: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Raph: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

***

*(Y/N) is telling a story*

Leo: Wow, (Y/N), this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance!

Mikey: Romance?

Leo: I have a crush on them.

***

Mikey: Guys, my friend here is bilingual.

(Y/N): Yes.

Mikey: Which means they like both boys and girls.

(Y/N): Ye- wait, what-

Leo: Mikey, that's not what bilingual means-

Mikey: Shhh, it's okay (Y/N). I still love you, man.

(Y/N) & Leo: ...

Mikey: bUT NOT LIKE THAT-

***

Donnie: I know you love them.

Leo: I am not in love with (Y/N)!

Donnie, staring at Leo: I never said who...

Leo: *realizes*

Leo: Shit. Well, anyways-

***

Raph: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Leo's birthday invitations.

(Y/N): Well, what are they supposed to say?

Raph: "Leo's birthday".

(Y/N): So, what do they say instead?

Raph: "Leo’s bi".

(Y/N):

(Y/N): Works out either way.

***

*Leo teaching Mikey to drive and taking (Y/N) along for the ride*

Leo: That's a pothole. To the left!

Mikey: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*

(Y/N), sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.

Mikey: I don't think that's how the song goes.

Leo, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.

Mikey: Country Roads.

(Y/N): To the place.

Mikey and (Y/N) in unison: I Belong!

Leo, crying harder: What the fuck?

***

(Y/N): You ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "huh.."

Leo: I saw you.

(Y/N): Honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of Casey in a turkey costume.

***

Mikey: What’s it like being tall?

Mikey: Is it nice?

Mikey: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

(Y/N): We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Leo: That was one time!

***

(Y/N): It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close.

Leo, blushing: Okay.

Raph: It's fucking summer.

***

Leo: Hi.

Mikey: Hey, did you do what I said? Did you tell them?

Leo: I did.

Mikey: And what did they say?

Leo: “Thank you.”

Mikey: You’re totally welcome. What’d they say?

Leo: They said, “Thank you.” I said “I love you” and (Y/N) said, “Thank you.”

***

Leo: This is bothering me.

(Y/N): Well, you are digging up a corpse.

Leo: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.

***

(Y/N): Please, I'm begging you to go to a doctor.

Leo: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

***

Leo, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

(Y/N): But – that’s just a trash can?

Leo: It sure is!

***

(Y/N): I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Leo: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.

(Y/N): Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

***

Leo: This is such a bad idea.

(Y/N): Then why are you coming along?

Leo: One of us needs to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

***

Leo: The stars are so beautiful...

(Y/N): They're just giant balls of gas.

Leo: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-

(Y/N): And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.

Leo: Oh…

***

(Y/N): I love you.

Leo, not paying attention: What was that?

(Y/N): I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

***

Leo: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

(Y/N): Peonies, why?

Leo:

(Y/N): Were you going to get me flowers?

Leo:

(Y/N):

Leo: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

[14buddy22]

oh my goodness!! Aaron just stopped by, he had flowers for you? And a note! he wants to know how you’re doing? 🌻💌

I know you were just being nice bestie and I'm doing good! But here's a one shot just for you bestie!! 🫶🫶🫶

I have no idea how many words this is, nor is this edited.

Warnings: car accidents, school fights, bruises, bad days, letters, soft Aaron, worried Aaron, loving Aaron, Jack is the sweetest in this, proposals

It started off as a great day. Aaron and Jack spent the night at your apartment. You spent the night laughing away at the movie Jack had picked out while you cuddled with your two boys on your couch.

Towards the end of the movie, you heard soft snores coming from Jack and it was then that Aaron decided to scoop Jack up and put him in the guest room that had slowly become Jack's. You had bought Spiderman bedsheets as well as a Spiderman nightlight so the little boy would be comfortable at your home. You didn't want to make him feel unwelcome if his dad would be spending so much time over here.

You know Aaron's time with Jack was precious, so you never told Aaron you wanted him to come over alone. You loved when Jack was around, just as you thought Jack loved being around you.

You never let Jack feel excluded, if Jack wanted to sleep in the same bed as you and Aaron, you would ignore when Aaron would try to tell Jack that he couldn't and you would tell Jack that of course it was okay to sleep with you and his dad.

While your morning started out great, it was not ending so hot. It seemed liked as soon as Aaron kissed you goodbye and Jack hugged you, shit hit the fan.

You had spilled your coffee on your favorite shirt that you were wearing to work. Causing you not to be late, but just running behind a bit and you had a few things you had to do before class started.

When you got to work, the printer wasn't working, so that became chaos.

Then, two of your high schoolers got into a fight in the middle of class, which was not fun to break up, especially when the two were taller than you, and may have accidentally hit you in attempt to hit the other kid. You caught the tail end of the punch, but it still hurt, you were sure to have a mark, and you had picture day coming up.

Filing out to report was no biggie, but just extensive. Work that you didn't want to do.

To top everything off, a car rear-ended you on your way home. You wanted to scream. How could this day go so wrong when it started out so well?

You had been texting Aaron throughout the day, explaining to him how you were canceling dinner plans for today, just not in the mood to deal with anything else.

You also didn't want to be grumpy or seem annoyed with Jack in your presence. He didn't need that, he needed you at your best, not your worst.

You debated telling Aaron about the car accident, but you were in somewhat of a shock, and the car accident was straw that broke the camel's back. That's what pushed you over the edge. That's when you lost it and called him, just needing to hear his voice.

Just as you were sitting on the couch, eating your favorite ice cream out of the tub, watching a movie and crying, the last thing you expected was a knock on your door.

You debated getting up and and answering it. You didn't want anyone to see you like this. However, when you heard the persistent knock again, you decided to stand up and answer the door.

You were met with your two favorite boys. Aaron and Jack were holding flowers and takeout from your favorite restaurant.

"Hi gorgeous. I had told Jack about your bad day and he figured we needed to cheer you up. So he decided picking up dinner and flowers for you."

"These are for you! What do you think? I hope you love them?"

You began to cry at the sight of your two favorite boys. They were so sweet. You could never be angry with them. Jack was so cute holding out the flowers towards you.

"I love them! Thank you so much, Jackers! They're beautiful! Let's get them in some water and let's eat dinner together, yeah?"

Jack nodded and you gave him a hug, kissing the top of his head. Jack ran inside the apartment, going to look for a vase and Aaron took a step inside, shutting and locking the door behind him.

"Honey, you didn't tell me the fight was that bad."

Aaron carefully brushed the bruise starting to form on your face and kissed you. He engulfed you with a hug and you couldn't help but melt right into him.

"I didn't want to tell you it was this bad because I knew you'd freak out. I didn't want you to bring Jack over if I couldn't be at my best."

"Jack knows you at your best. He'll love you even at your worst. Just like I love you at your worst."

You leaned into him even more as he placed a kiss to the top of your forehead. As you pulled away, you grabbed his hand, making your way into the kitchen and seeing Jack fill up the vase he had picked out with water for the flowers.

As you three ate dinner, listening to Jack speak about his day, you then decided to pick out a movie to watch together. Aaron was not throwing out any good movie ideas, so once again the decision would be left to you and Jack, which really meant Jack. As long as you got to cuddle with them and spend time with your two boys, you didn't care what you watched.

"Hey, I think I left my watch in the bedside drawer last night, do you mind going to get it for me?"

You looked at Aaron and then down at Jack. You ruffled Jack's hair and said, "Your daddy could be forgetful, don't you think?"

Jack laughed and said, "He sometimes forgets that I like Mac n cheese when I eat Dino nuggets."

You laughed at the little boy, knowing that when Jack ate his Dino nuggets, he always wanted Mac n cheese, yet Aaron knew that boxed Mac n cheese for dinner 2 nights a week wasn't always the best for Jack, which is why he sometimes "forgot" to make it for Jack.

You stood up, walking to your bedroom. You went to the side of the bed designated just for him, just as the nightstand next to it slowly became his over the course of your relationship.

You found a note addressed to you in Aaron's handwriting. You decided to sit on the bed and read it. Surely Aaron would have wanted you to, right?

To the love of my life,

You are the greatest thing to happen to me. Losing Haley was hard. We've talked about that multiple times and you know my biggest fear when getting into this relationship was that something would happen to you. But we talked through it, you told me you'd be okay if we began to date. We've been together for a little over a year and I know I want the rest of my life to be with you. Jack loves you. He's mentioned a couple times how you're his best friend. I couldn't ask for anyone better to love my son as much as I do. You never treat him any different because he's not biologically yours and it makes me love you even more than I ever thought possible. I love you. You are the best thing that's happened to my son and I. You're the sunshine on my darkest days and I promise that I'll be your sunshine on your darkest days. Thank you for loving Jack and I at our best and worst. Thank you for listening and loving my son. Thank you for welcoming him into our relationship, we're a package deal. I knew you were the one when you decorated your guest bedroom into a Spiderman themed room for him. Thank you for loving us, I want to love you for the rest of my life.

Love, Aaron

You had tears in your eyes. How the hell did he write this letter and leave it before you had the worst day of your life in a while. When you met Aaron, you weren't looking for love. You slowly fell in love with the man who was a single father, in which that scared you at first. Too afraid you wouldn't be good enough for the little boy who loved his father deeply, that's why you tried to hard at first to get Jack to love you. But turns out, he didn't need much convincing, he loved you from the first time he met you.

When you walked back, letter in hand, you saw Aaron and Jack standing next to each other, both of them with a huge grin on their face.

"What do you boys have planned?"

Aaron took your hand in his and he said, "I love you. Jack loves you."

You heard a quiet, "I do!"

When you smiled at Jack, you looked back at Aaron. He continued. "I wrote that letter a while ago, it's been sitting in the drawer for quite some time. But, after the day you had, I promised in that letter that I'd be your sunshine on your darkest days. You had a really bad day today."

Aaron dug his hand into his pocket and knelt to the ground. Jack began to smile even bigger than you ever had before. You immediately gasped, not believing this was actually happening.

"Let me be the sunshine on your darkest day today. I know this isn't the proposal every little girl dreams of, but, what better way to propose to you so you don't have to remember this as the worst day that's happened to you. You'll have this associated with a good day. So, please, let us be the sunshine on your darkest day. Will you marry me?"

Jack said, "And you can become a Hotchner like me and Daddy?"

"Yes! Yes, I'd love to marry you."

You leaned down to kiss Aaron as he pushed the ring onto your ring finger. Jack immediately wrapped his little arms around said, "We did it, daddy! She said yes!"

As Aaron stood up, kissing you once more, he lifted Jack into his arms, Jack linking one arm around Aaron's neck and another arm around yours. You place your hand on Aaron's cheek and said, "Thank you boys for being the sunshine on my darkest days. I'll promise I'll always be the sunshine on yours."

[madisonstarss]

After Hours (SWITCH!Ryan Howard x SWITCH!Reader SMUT)

warnings: smut, angry sex/make up, reader swears like a sailor, daddy kink, slight degraition, teasing, not proof read

p.s sorry for the kelly hate, i love kelly but it helped move along the story

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

The end of the day finally came after a long day of work and most people were heading out. You walk up to Pam's desk as she started getting her stuff together. "I cant believe Toby is making me work late." You let out a groan, "Escpically since Ryan's staying after too. He's been getting on my fucking nerves. Just because were not offical doesn't mean he can flirt with Kelly in front of my fucking face."

Pam offers you a symptheic smile, "Just don't talk to him and he'll come to his senses to apolizge. Im sorry I would love to stay and talk but Jim and I have dinner reservations tonight."

"Thanks Pam, have fun." You give a small smile and walk back to your desk.

~~

You bang your head into your desk. "I can't fucking focus this shit is so boring." You say to no one in particular.

"Well no shit it's boring, its work." Ryan smart mouths as he head over to the printer. You give him a death stare.

"I don't remeber asking for your input."

"What is your deal with me today?" He snaps back, you could feel his glare burning into your back.

"I don't know, why don't you tell me what's your fucking deal with Kelly. I get that shes pretty but she never shuts up and is more annoying than Dwight. I don't get what you fucking see in her." You growl.

He goes silent for a moment.

"Where not dating y/n. I can do what I want." You hear his footsteps coming towards you.

"Fine if that's how you want it that I guess I can stop coming over to your place." You turn around in your chair so your facing him. You stand up and look up at him. You could pracitically see the steam coming from his ears.

"Whatever. Kelly is a lot better in the bedroom."

Oh no he didn't.

That was your final fucking straw. As much as you hated his guts right now, he always turns you the fuck on.

You smash your lips against his. He immetiadly kissed you back. The kiss filled with fire and heat. He quickly broke away though, "Jump." He quickly said. You did as told and he grabbed your thighs and placed you on your desk. He pressed his lips aganist yours again. He bit your lower lip so hard that you let out a gasp. He took this oppurtuinty to sneak his tounge into your mouth, checking out the framillar area. Your hands moved to his chest and quickly unbuttoned his shirt. Your ran your hands along his abs, outlining them.

This wasn't enough. You needed more of him. All of him. You let out a whine agaisnt his lips. "Your so needy." He teases.

"Can you just shut up and fuck me." You complain.

"Be patient." He orders. He pulls your skirt down. "No underwear? You're such a bad girl." He takes your legs and places them on his shoulders. He dove his head into your legs. Butterflies filled your stomacehe as you felt his could wet tounge on you. "

Oh Ryan." You throw you head back in pleasure. You accidently thrust your hips.

"I said patience pumpkin."

You couldn't take it any fucking longer. You pushed his head away from you making him look up at you in confusion. You push him into your chair, making him sit down.

You unbuckle his pants in a haste and pull down his pants along with his boxers. His dick springs up when released, you can already see the pre-cum. You licked it off and slowly take it in your mouth. Ryan seems to lose his patience as well. He shoves your head making you take it all in. You start to gag and start bobbing your head. Ryan lets out groans of pleasure. You gently grind your teeth againist it. You slow down and swirl your tounge at the tip.

You get up and sit on his dick. Slowly moving back and forth. Ryan unbuttons your blouse and throws it on the floor. He starts fondling your breast and gently pinching your nipples. You increase your speed and move faster. Ryan moves one of his hands down to your waist to help guide you and keep you from falling off. His eyes stayed glued to your breasts and they moved with the rest of your body. "Fuck..Daddy." You moan

"Your so hot baby." He takes the hand that was on your breast and moves your hair back. "Please don't stop."

You feel your high coming and grab onto his shoulders for support as you go as fast as your can. "Fuck..Fuck!" You scream as you both reach it and you feel his warm fulids fill inside you. It was your favorite feeling in the world. You come to a full stop and rest your head on is shoulder. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer.

"Don't think this will make me stop seeing Kelly." He whispers into your ear."

"Fuck you man whore."

[localwhoore]

can you write a fic where the logan sergeant defenders are all drivers and noelle gets into a fist fight with logan?

DRIVERS ????

WARNING QND DISCLAIMERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

consented racism and unconsented ageism against noelle obviously under the cut

and also my opinions dont cancel me over this stupid shit tjanks 😁😁

red bull

goatifi

-> 2x wdc, clutched up AD21 and took the checkered flag 10 times (scoring an extra 250 points) and won the championship instead of max or lewis and caused outrage. also scored a redbull seat

max verstappen

-> DUDUDUDU MAX VERSTAPPEN DUDUDUDU MAAX VERSTAPPEN no seriously he won the championship by lap 1 😞

ferrari

fernando alonso

-> future 3x wdc, promising 43 yrold rookie future of f1 who is unfortunately unable to escape the torturous clutches of ferrari (finally wins a wdc for them too)

charles leclerc

-> is chained up and shackled at the bottom of ferrari HQ and fed cold soup and stale bread twice a week and cannot be released unless its race weekend. (inspired by the james vowles c.ai bot i got bored and talked to who had alex albon, who he called alaobono, in a cage for biting williams guests. also he crawled on all fours and threw chairs and printers)

mercedes

liyah amelia grace habibi afzal @foreveralbon

-> when f1 eventually brought sepang back onto the calendar, liyah was fighting for P1 a few laps in when her engineer mentioned sightseeing at KL’s twins towers (the petronas towers). this was a mistake as upon hearing those words, liyah was immediately inhabited by the spirit and earthly energies of her late uncle: muhammad hazam “ارهابي” omar afzal, who passed down his loving lifelong legacy to her via muscle memory and pure instinct aka going back to her roots. anyways, she flung her car towards a corner with banking and projectile launched herself at 346km/h over 60km distance between her and her goal over the span of a shocking 10 minutes and 24 seconds!!! liyah escaped the incident with little injury, but the same cannot be said for those inside the towers (towers as in plural because george russell flew past her into the 2nd tower shortly after). media had an absolute fucking field day

george russell

-> misses half his races to film ads for tommy hilfiger and marriot bonvoy. toto gets pissed and kicks him out of their sleepover party which makes george severely depressed but its ok cz he gets married to carmen in his fav hotel marriot w a british royalty themed wedding (hes dressed as princess diana)

mclaren

lando norris

-> 4x wdc, paid goatifi to take out max and asked oscar to pull a kmag in saudi and decimated a 1-2 at silver stone hip hip hooray also he got fucked into the monaco hairpin barriers and was injured permanently unable to grow a pedostache

oscar piastri

-> 999x wdc, boy oh boy where do i even begin. the loml, oscar piastri. you truly are my sunshine. my only sunshine. you make me happy when skies are gray. you’ll never know dearrrrr how much i looove youuu please dont takee my sunshine awaaaaayyyyyyyy pookie wookie aookie bookie cookie dookie eookue fookie gookie hookie iookie jookie kookie lookie mookie nookie oookie pookie quookie rookie sookie tookie uookie vookue wookue xookie yookie zookie

alphatauri

yuki tsunoda

-> 50x wdc. my goat 🐐 he beat daniel 23-1 and is a fucking LEGENDDDDDD MY GOAT TRRRRRAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOINTS AND YUKAMPIONSHIP LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO 🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶

liam lawson

-> he finally let his hair grow out so he doesnt look like a lesbian anymore cutie patootie finally got a seat 😜😜

aston martin

avis cloostefek @aviscarrentals

-> actively trying to seduce lawrence stroll for that bank cz shes kinda broke idk the f1 life pays her less rhan she thought???? regularly breaks into the VIP area and eats all rhe food in catering because shes pasty pale white and has no cuisine culture except crackers and unseasoned boiled chicken and a side of cheese soggy french fries

lance stroll

-> justice for lance guys his dad is being seduced by a pasty white woman with very bad very severe chronic culture-less behavioural tendencies 😞

alpine..

lea @vroomvroomcircuit

-> im sorry but someone had to be in the alpine and i picked u🥰 much love!! anyways one fine typical tuesday lea remembered that her teammate is french and her deeprooted german moustache man awakened and unleashed havoc upon the french demanding her right to the land of the baguettes and croissant to be reclaimed for the return of glory for the motherlandYAA deutschland 🇩🇪 NEIN DA FÜHRER SAUSAGE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

pierre gasly

-> french ☹️

haas

althea noelle. @disneyprincemuke

-> 10x destructors championship. an antique and prehistoric primordial being in the form of a petite pinoy creature. it has devoted to the art of racing since the dawn of time. since day was night, night was day as the two parallels of each other blurred in a flourish and spectacle of a draped veil over the vast expanse known as the horizon, since the stars aligned side by side in the darkest of hours. she raced upon the lands of pangea, upon the tallest of mountains now reduced to stones and rubble that crumble under footsteps and blow with the breeze. throughout millennia, throughout the countless frigid winters and blistering summers as she watched empires rise and fell, civilisation bloom and prosper, tyrants dictate and rebels overthrow, dynasties rule and eras whirl past like the wind, akin to momentary blips as centuries compile into memories viewed back upon within seconds. the only divinity to harbour ancient knowledge lost to time and space, lost through endless bloodshed of war as humanity tore itself apart , screaming aggressive rage and agony from the inside as flesh ripped flesh as the steady drill of what could be known as time mercilessly marched on, and waited for none. the little beam of consciousness this dingus fostered within burnt bright bold as passion strove on as fuel for her little stature (shocking). also she has yet to score a point in f1 cz she keeps twinning logan sargeant and crashing out on the 1st lap. her nickname is turn one thea 💀💀💀

TLDR; noelle is old and hasnt scored in f1

kevin magnussen

-> https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSFGTu8tL/

stake kick balls sauber

zhou goatyu

-> 中国是第一！！周冠宇我爱你啊！！！请让祖国骄傲我们都支持你。周冠宇周冠宇！加油加油加油拿多分🗣️🗣️🗣️🥶🥶🥶

mclgf (now ur saubergf idk) @mclarengf

-> all hands on deck for the pitstops!!!! toby and newplayer are incharge of the tires and aria is ur race engineer turned reserve driver and tobys a development driver idfk bro 😭😭

williams

alex albon

-> james vowles character ai bot

logan sargeant

-> Oh Say, can you see By the dawn's early light What so proudly we hailed At the twilight's last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright stars Through the perilous fight O'er the ramparts we watched Were so gallantly, yeah, streaming? And the rockets' red glare The bombs bursting in air Gave proof through the night That our flag was still there O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave also twinning noelle loves crashing

safety car driver

me (i cant drive)

[thebetawolfgirl]

could you PLEASE do something like timmy and y/n are in a relationship and they absolutely love eachother but he has to do that PR shit with Kylie and y/n is heartbroken when she sees the pics of them at the met gala and whiles she’s in LA and they in NY, she packs her things from their shared apartment and leaves Timmy without a word. Fact is they broke up, u choose the ending!💓💓

A/N: Holy Cabbage my first request! Be cool Beta! So i changed one thing, but I hope it’s to your standard and you enjoy it.

Warnings: A bit of angst!

A PR Nightmare

Timothée Chalamet was a man madly in love, not with LRD or any of the other PR women he’d been pictured with, although his photo gallery was full of his girl. Y/n Y/l/n, dear God even her name sounded like a prayer. She was beautiful, the most beautiful human being he has ever met. And not just physically but inside too, she had a heart of gold and a soul as pure as freshly fallen snow. She would offer her help without even a second thought, like it was as normal as breathing to help others.

Yes she was the one for him, he thought as he lay beside her in bed early morning watching her eyes flutter open and smiled at her. ‘Good morning my love’ he leaned forward brushing her long hair away from her face and placed small kisses on her shoulder as she hummed and slid over to lay her head on his chest ‘Do you really have to go into work today? We could just stay in bed all day’

He sighed running his fingers up and down her back. ‘I want nothing more than that, but mark says he needs to see me and it’s urgent. So it’s unavoidable I’m afraid.’

She sighed nodding and kissed up his chest and neck slowly reaching his lips and held his face and pecked his lips.

‘Make it a quick meeting and I’ll be here waiting for you my love.’

He hummed returning the kisses and groaned when she moved away.

He got up with her and got dressed quickly wanting to get back quickly so he could spend the entire day with her as she walked into the shower room.

When Timmy returned she knew there was something off about him. She only had to take one look at him to know he had been crying and ran over to him and took his face in her hands ‘Timmy? Timothée look at me baby, what’s happened talk to me.’ He pushed her gently against the nearest wall burying his face against her neck mumbling ‘They’ve put me into a relationship with Kylie Jenner.’

She closed her eyes and held him tight. ‘It’s okay, we’ll figure something out, okay?’ She held him close as he nodded against her neck her T-shirt damp from his tears.

Three months later y/n was at home alone in LA while Timmy was asked to do some work in New York. She was scrolling through Twitter not really looking at anything when she got a notification from Instagram. There dressed in all white was Timmy on the Met Gala carpet smiling lazily, with Kylie Jenner at his side smirking away.

Y/n felt her heart stop, he never said anything about attending the Met Gala this year, y/n stumbled to the bathroom hearing her heartbeat in her ears and threw up.

When she was finished she walked upstairs and began packing her things in the bedroom she had been sharing with Timmy. She grabbed her phone and printed out the photo using her Instax mini printer and stuck it on a note she would leave for Timmy ‘Hope you had fun.’

She walked downstairs and left the note on the table in the hall and locked the door behind her.

She knew he didn’t have a say in the contract, but he lied to her about his business in New York, and she never thought he would do that to her.

She drove off into the night, her phone switched to silent in her bag.

@tchalamss

@sufferingstarlight

@kteezy997

@lixzey

@gatoenlaciudad

@wandasforyou

[static-errorcode]

part two

featuring

@the-random-creechur, me, @darkleafblack, @toffeechad, @bobateablue, @sleepypillowynight, @demondevilevil, @smoken-bagel, @phobiiii, @coolkiwiyummy, @woodrocko

Pillowy: HELP! I TOLD DEMON I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!

Phobiii, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Static: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!

Beanie: You've been given a new job to do, but I'm worried it might make you angry.

Phobiii: Just say it quick, like ripping off a band-aid.

Beanie: You have to teach Bagel how to drive.

Phobiii: ...put the band-aid back on.

Demon: Happy birthday Pillowy! I'm your gift!

Pillowy, whispering to Slimebottle : Did you get the receipt, or do I have to keep them?

Pillowy: Help! I’m drowning!

Phobiii: Calm down. We’re only in six feet of water!

Pillowy: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

*While the Squad is in a battle*

Slimebottle , trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left!

Static: Take it back now y'all!

Pillowy: What's two plus two?

Slimebottle : Math.

Pillowy: ...I will accept that answer.

Demon: What kinds of sounds annoy you?

Bagel: Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones?

Demon, now interested: Lets say imaginary.

Bagel: Spiders wearing flip flops.

Static: You're pathetic!

Nightmare berry: You're pathetic-er!

Kiwi : You're both losers.

Bagel: Good morning!

Bobatea, checking their watch: Correct.

Bobatea: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Pillowy's birthday invitations.

Static: Well, what are they supposed to say?

Bobatea: "Pillowy's birthday".

Static: So, what do they say instead?

Bobatea: "Pillowy’s bi".

Static:

Static: Works out either way.

Bobatea, texting Static: Static! Help I'm being kidnapped!

Static: Where are you?

Bobatea: I'm with some strange person. In a car. Help.

Static: I'll call Demon. Demon, answering their cell: Y'ello?

Static: Where's Bobatea? They texted me that they were being kidnapped.

Demon: Demon? Whaddya mean, they're right next to me-

Demon: Demon: I'll call you back. *Hangs up*

Demon: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN'T THAT BAD!

Bobatea: WHO ARE YOU!?

Bagel: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Slimebottle : Strong.

Beanie: Weak.

Phobiii: An idiot, is what your are.

Static: Can we go out to get icecream?

Phobiii: Did you ask Slimebottle ?

Static: They said no.

Phobiii: Then why did you ask me?

Static: They're not the boss of you.

Phobiii, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.

Phobiii: *is visibly upset*

Pillowy: Phobiii, what happened? I haven't seen you like this since you found out candyland wasn't an actual country.

Pillowy: Did you wash the dishes?

Demon: I thought you wanted to do that...

Pillowy: *chuckles* You were WRONG.

Phobiii, handing out popsicles: Which flavor do you want?

Pillowy: Blue flavor!

Phobiii: Uh, you mean Blue Raspberry?

Pillowy: Blue flavor! Blue flavor!

Phobiii: Blue is not a flavor!

Pillowy: BLUE FLAVOR!

Bobatea to Slimebottle : Turn that frown upside-down!

*a little while later*

Bobatea: What are you doing?

Slimebottle , trying to do a handstand: You told me to “turn that frown upside-down” but it’s not working .

Bagel: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

Beanie:

Beanie: Why are you eating dirt?

Bagel: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

Mp: Oh my Static.

Nightmare berry: Don't you mean 'oh my god'?

Mp: You worship your god, I'll worship mine.

Static: Beanie is so...

Kiwi : Annoying?

Slimebottle : Cute? Bagel: Funny?

Demon: Weird?

Static: I don't know, maybe if y'all let me FINISH for ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'd tell you!

Slimebottle : Pose as a team because SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

Pillowy: When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it’s so romantic. Two lovers on a date... one of them carrying a knife for some reason.

Mp: What is wrong with you?

Pillowy: Many, many things...

Pillowy: And most of them are your fucking fault.

Demon: Phobiii doesn’t look very happy.

Beanie: That's their happy. They're just a bitch.

Pillowy: But that place is haunted.

Nightmare berry: Ghosts prey on fear. Just be confident!

Pillowy, marching into the haunted house I AM NOT SCARED! I AM NOT A PUSSY!

The end

[crazylittlejester]

The Chain As Things That I Did/Happened To Me In September So Far Part 2

Disclaimer: yes, I’m ok!!! I’m just very emotional, especially when it comes to animals and fictional characters!!!

Four (I didn’t forget him this time, I’m still sorry little dude)- friend didn’t know I was behind the door (I was too short for them to see me through the window) and opened it from the other side, got squished :(

Legend- jokingly made a “soft launch” post with my best friend/roommate and accidentally trolled our entire friend group into thinking we were dating

Sky- Got up out of bed while still unconscious and asked my roommate for sticky tack

Wars- Went on a weekend trip. My glasses broke in the middle of a ghost tour shop. Had to wear my prescription aviator sunglasses the rest of the trip (including on the ghost tour). Instantly became the coolest person in the tourist town.

Wild- Bawled my eyes out to How To Train Your Dragon 2

Wind- burnt my tongue on tea in the middle of a psych lecture and “cursed like a sailor” (my friend’s words, not mine) at it, professor looked over at me and paused what she was saying before continuing

Hyrule- fought the library printer and then immediately absolutely ate it on the concrete stairs while I was leaving

Twilight- instantly burst into tears because someone was selling a pair of kittens on the school’s Snapchat story for only $50 and I couldn’t take them in (Bonus: found two dogs tied up to a hand rail outside of student union, freaked out, and stayed with them until their very sweet owner came back with food)

Time- joined a new D&D campaign and cannot stop yapping about it to anyone who will listen

we’ve had hilariously similar Septembers, I too joined a D&D campaign, fought a campus printer shortly before eating shit, messed up my tongue (i bit it) in a psych lecture and screamed, got absolutely nailed by a door a friend was opening, and took a weekend trip

anyways these are genuinely great matches for all of them, but i do hope you’re doing alright 😭

[poisonioushearts]

Not really used to making these things, but tell me if anything is wrong so I can correct the request :》

So, I wanted to request something a bit specific for our favourite (or at least, my favourite) Dislyte evil man, Yamato.

Reader is from the Union, but agrees to join the Twilight Order per Yamato's request, in exchange for Yuuhime's freedom, basically agreeing to follow his orders without mind controlling. He did this so he could show others how he could corrupt a rightious person into doing evil things without the music box, but maybe he starts to like the powerful esper a bit more and even starts to worry about her feelings and tend to her when she gets hurt?

Sorry for the long request, the brainrot is very strong. Feel free to ignore this if you want! Love your content, keep doing what you do! 🩵

Thank you for the request! Hope it temperarly solves your Yamato hunger 🍽️

(hope this makes up for the Arcana slander lmao)

And I hope this is up to par. I finished it during my shift at work so it may seemed rushed.

@seasidesketches

Gender neutral reader

Warnings: not proofread, probably some grammatical errors, slight language, blood, ✨manipulation attempts✨

Synopsis/tags: esper reader, not implied what god/being reader has powers of, reader has a sword and cataclyst, some cliche moments...but I'm a sucker for some cliches

Failed Manipulation

Okay so you know that one audio? That goes something like: "I hate that man, i hate that man But oh, cara mia how i love this man"

Literally you towards him okay?

So we sorta got an enemies to lovers situation but the enemy part is toned down.

You and Yuuhime were pretty close, and knowing for the longest time that she was being controlled by her own brother infuriated you.

You didn't know what to do. Until an idea hit you- what if you just...took her place?

You wouldn't tell her because you knew she would protest this fact.

So, one day after your duties for the Union had been completed for the day you got the coordinates to the Twilight Order base and left.

You weren't able to enter the building because the guards at the front wouldn't let you in. No matter how many times you said you needed to speak with their boss about an important matter.

Then, speak of the devil and he shall appear...

Letting out a groan of frustration you clenched your fists trying to control your withering composure.

"I have a matter to speak about to your boss. An important one-"

"Yes you told us that a thousand times. You need to make an appointment if you wish to speak with the Leader of the Twilight Order you have to make an appointment."

"I understand that which is why I did make one. It's supposed to be happening right now but you won't let me in!"

"Then show me the papers."

"I told you, the printer broke, and I didn't want to be late."

The guard snickered, "Yeah, and let me guess, you're an esper from the Union too?"

You opened your mouth to the infuriating guard when you saw a figure behind the guard. Said guard breathed in relief.

"Do we have a problem here?" The man asked, seemingly to resemble someone you know but you couldn't put a finger on it.

"This [lady/man/person/etc.] wishes to enter. Claims they have an appointment with you but doesn't have the proof."

Oh.

That's him? Shit you didn't expect him to be attractive-

He looked at you and gave an eerie smile before looking at the guard. "It's quite rude to decline entry to one of my guests."

The guard stiffened, "But they didn't have the papers-"

"tut tut." He shook his head. "Not only did you deny entry to my guest but you also mocked them? An esper of the Union?" If you didn't know any better, you'd say he was enunciating those last words.

"I thought they were lying!"

He sighed, "Meet me in my office later." He turned to you, "Let's go to my office, yes? I assume it must be urgent if you made the appointment on the same day you arrived."

You nodded, holding your tongue. After getting over the initial shock of him being... attractive you will admit...you felt your anger and rage begin to bubble again.

Entering the office he took a seat and when he waved his hand to the one across from his desk you hesitated before sitting down.

"Now, I already have a guess on what you are here for. You want my sister to have her freedom correct?"

You nodded, giving in to the obvious question, "How'd you know?"

"I've noticed the progression of your friendship with her. After you made an appointment I made an educated guess on what it had to be."

You narrowed your eyes, "The catch?"

He smiled, "I'll set Yuuhime free and you work for me here at the Twilight Order. You will need to my orders, and all without the music box."

Oh. What? I mean, it's not a bad exchange or request. You just didn't expect one to be made so soon.

Hiding your surprise you nodded, an afterthought coming to mind. "And the Union?"

He clasped his hands together, "I've already talked with one of the leads. They agreed as long as you do, that it would be alright for you to transfer here."

"Alright then. I'll work for you."

AND SO IT BEGAN *evil laughter*

The first few times he'd tell you to do something, you wanted to snap back at him. Why couldn't he get his own water? Why did you have to be the one to fetch this or that? Why'd he replace he others members on trips with you?

A week or two later, one particular mission he was on with you, you were both at an unfamiliar town and attended a restaurant suspected of preforming experiments on their consumers. Putting the formulas inside the food or drinks.

The only good part was the place was not popular at all, but there were still many that went missing.

The goal was to stop it from happening. The task was meant for the Union, but somehow, he got his hands on it. Part of the reason he had it was because he wanted to see you in action.

Yamato had got up to go to the bathroom, which was his alibi because he was actually going to go sneak around, you were sitting at the bar just sipping on your drink. You were meant to be the look out and message Yamato if anything suspicious happened in his absence.

Someone had the audacity to take Yamato's seat beside you and start talking to you. Even offered you a drink. They just couldn't take no for an answer.

As they raised their arm to touch you, you were about to slap them across their face or push them away when their hand stopped midway because it was grabbed.

You eyes trailed up to the person who did it, and it was none other than Yamato.

"Now, now," he smiled, but it wasn't friendly in the least bit, "I suggest you get away from my darling~." You felt your cheeks heat up involuntary. Did he just call you darling? His darling? He put a protective arm around your shoulders, "Unless of course you want this to get rather ugly. I guarantee if you try to lay a hand on my significant other, we both won't show mercy." His eyes darkened. The person mumbled an apology before quickly scrambling away.

Yamato relaxed and sat down, "My apologies for the consented touch." He ran his gloved hand through his hair, "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah..." You swallowed, suddenly nervous. Why though? "Why did you call me 'my darling'?" You mustered the courage to ask.

"I'm afraid I don't know what your talking about."

"You called me your significant other." You added.

He smiled, "I only called you by your name. But if you think you heard me call you-"

"Did you find anything?" You interrupted. Perhaps you heard wrong? No. Wait- Gah.

"To answer your question, yes, yes I did find something. However, we can't expose them. They seem to have ways of getting away with it as before." He leaned closer to you, "So we have to set this place aflame."

Eyes widening largely you gasped before shaking your head, "There are still customers here." You hissed, "Why can't we get the Union involved?"

"They won't take the proper precautions." He said, "They won't get here in time. They won't do what's right." He sighed, "Remember that research I had you do? That place isn't as reliable as it seems."

You mind flashed back to the documents and sites that said the Union wasn't as trustworthy as it seemed. You doubted that. You worked there-there was no way it would be that, that, unreliable.

But as the words flashed in your mind the doubt began to increase, no matter how hard you tried to push it away.

Yamato saw the confliction in your eyes and he smiled to himself. The corruption was slowly beginning. He lifted your hand that rested on your lap and put a small object in your palm, closing your fingers with his own.

You shivered slightly at the current that spread through your body at his touch, but you ignored it and watched as he stood from the seat with a smile.

"Don't worry." He purred, "These unsuspecting customers will evacuate."

As if on cue, someone burst through the door. You didn't remember their name, but you knew they worked at the Twilight Order.

Out of breath they huffed, "There's miramon coming this way!" They shouted, and instantly the few people in the restaurant scrambled to reach the exit. Chairs screeched and slammed on the floor as people rushed towards the exit.

The person looked at Yamato and nodded before leaving.

"Come, [Name]." Yamato gestured you to follow and you did so.

"There is no miramon, is there?" You asked, knowing the answer.

"My, you are smart." He didn't say anything else, instead, walked calmly towards the edge of the town, people scattering away from the restaurant. You finally opened your hand to see the object was a gray stick about the size of your thumb, a bright red button on the top.

"What...?"

"Press it." He stood behind you and leaned closer until his breath hit your neck, "Press it."

"But-there's still people in the way! They could get hurt! And the evidence of experiments-"

"And all their hard work it going to disappear. All of it. No one will die. Rather a few get injured than more turn into something else unknowingly. You don't want to do that do you? Do you want to let people turn into creatures against their will? There are people that have died because of these experiments, but you can stop it."

Your mind whirled. You never really liked violence, but this would help. This would help many people. People may get injured if you do it but if you don't more will. The Union won't help. Not with this. Yamato said that they couldn't help so they must be right. Your mind felt cloudy and your finger hovered over the button.

"Press it. Save them." You don't know who's voice it was. It could've been Yamato, it could've been your mind, but either way, you listened. You obeyed.

The bomb Yamato placed when he "went to the bathroom" went off. There was a loud boom that shook the ground and flames licked the old restaurant in seconds.

You did it.

A few more weeks later, on another mission together, he finally got to see how powerful you were.

He was not disappointed.

On the way back from a mission, there was an onslaught of miramon. Before he could even lift his own weapon, you had drawn your cataclyst, and moved quite quickly.

You saved his from getting even a single scratch.

You, however, weren't so lucky.

You had a deep gash on the side of your arm.

This was also the first time he used the music box.

Teeth clenched you walked beside Yamato, mission completed.

Your arm hurt a lot, but you didn't want to show it. Yamato didn't know you got injured, and you intended to keep it that way.

There was nothing either of you could do at the moment. So you just pressed on hand to the arm, and hoped that'd help for now.

He looked to you every now and then, and each time you'd move your body so he couldn't see the other side where the injury lay.

You thought you were being discreet, he did not.

He stopped walking, and you did the same, "Is something the matter?" You asked.

Swiftly he stepped in front of you, eyes instantly going to where the color had changed significantly.

He glared, and to your surprise, he gently removed your hand (despite some protest). "Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?" His eyes met yours, and you saw something in his eyes you couldn't quite name. He sighed, "Let me see." You didn't seem to have much of a choice, so you slipped off your jacket, revealing the gash. Blood dripped onto the ground at your feet. Gently he lifted your arm, and with wide eyes you watched as it began to heal.

So that's his esper ability.

"You need rest."

"So do you."

"I'm not the one that was bleeding out." He has managed to heal the injury enough so it wasn't bleeding, but he still took the jacket from your other hand and tied it around your injury. You winced but knew that pain was a guarantee when healing. "I'm going to carry you the rest of the way."

"Huh!?! No, I can walk-"

"That wasn't an offer. It was a demand."

"I said I can walk."

He truly wasn't a 100% thinking perfectly when his fingers brushed the music box.

A tune began to play in your ears. Rest. Then you collapsed, but he was there to catch you. He lifted you in his arms bridal style, letting your head rest against his shoulder.

It didn't fully dawn on him as he walked that he used the box for you, and not his own gain.

This was the beginning of him slowly caring, actually caring, for you- and letting go the idea of corrupting you.

Some things were...odd now.

The good odd, but still it made you suspicious.

Someone would bring you drinks and food while you work, and said work slowly became the less active kind and more simple paperwork.

Hell, Yamato even visited you and talked to you.

And you normally didn't go on your own whenever you had a mission.When you were assigned a partner- it was either Yamato or someone else he knew was strong and would protect you.

He told himself it was because he couldn't loose such a powerful pawn such as yourself, after all whether you knew it or not-your actions were beginning to be more... reckless. Less regret felt.

You didn't want to confront him on this because...well, you knew he'd deny it or something.

In fact, he was denying something.

For instance, his growing attraction to you. Suddenly he began to pay more and more attention to you, your appearance, your personality, like and dislikes.

You were starting to do the same. Instead of reluctantly getting him his coffee or cup of tea, you started to hum to yourself and feel more at peace with yourself.

You allowed yourself to call him attractive, handsome, pretty, etc. Allowed yourself to pay attention to him and figure out how to read his facial expressions that not many can figure out and distinguish.

More than once you had dinner together, for work he said, and you realized you were enjoying yourself and having fun.

You felt guilty because you were doing this for Yuuhime. Did she ever feel much joy around her brother after knowing what he did?

And yet, even after knowing all he's done, you can't hold your feelings stirring for him.

You even find yourself laughing and smiling whenever he crosses your mind.

A few monthes in you were walking across the plains for a mission. You got hurt. Predictable? Yes. Cliche? Yes. Old? Never.

A yelp escaped your lips as you ducked a large miramon's blade. Hair mangled and out of breath due to exhaustion you forced yourself to ready your sword once more, your catalyst being repaired back at base.

This was one of the few missions you carried out on your own.

After you had gathered the items Yamato asked for, you were about to go on your merry way when you were stopped by a wave of miramon.

Then another.

And another.

And another.

You were strong yes, but everyone has their limits. You were at yours a few minutes ago.

Rolling out of the way of another attack you managed to get a few of yours in. With a jump and a spin for momentum you brought your blade down finally killing it.

Or so you thought.

As you were gathering the things in your bag and putting the swords away, you felt a shape pain in your stomach area and gasped. Glancing down you saw the blade that cut through your body. It was quickly tore out and you collapsed to the ground with quick breathes in an attempt to catch some air.

Letting out a cry of pain you lifted your sword, using a nearby rock to keep you stable and used your untimate. The creature exploded and you fell back against the rock, wincing in pain.

You didn't want to look down to see the wound but you had to, and the sight of the blood staining your clothes made you gag.

"Shit, shit, shit, fuck!" You cursed to yourself for letting down your guard.

You hurriedly began looking through your bag for medical supplies. The blood was quickly dripping down at your feet and staining the golden sand. You knew that soon you'd pass out and you probably wouldn't survive.

Pulling out a jacket you tied it around your waist tightly, pressing a hand to the fabric against your side.

Reluctantly, you brought out your communicator and fumbled with the buttons as you pulled up the array of contacts, finding the official Twilight Order number and pushed the 'call' button.

Unknowing you accidentally chose the option that'd allow you to see them, and them you, when you talked.

There was no going back from that.

Yamato's plan was to gradually corrupt your mind without the music box.

Start with some simpler tasks and gradually make them get worse. Gain your trust. Corrupt your mind. He knew how to manipulate with the box and without.

His people started to doubt his ability...so he decided to prove himself in the best way possible. Recruit a member of the Union and offer them something they can't refuse so they work for him.

You were the sign, that meeting request, was the sign that he would go through with the idea.

Nothing would get in the way of that. And in the end, he'd have a powerful esper on his side.

BUT

Over the course of time he started to feel guilty for making you do things. Hell, he wanted to get you things.

He started to feel... different towards you.

He realized, his feelings towards you have been changing over the course of working with you the past months.

As he was thinking of what the hell he was going to do-trying to figure out how you're doing this to him-there was a sharp knock on his door and before he could even say 'come in' they burst through the door.

"What is it?" He asked, feeling slightly annoyed at the lack of mannerisms.

"Its- it's them! They sent an urgent message." They fiddled with their communicator, an image flashing to life. You.

"I need a medic." You said, grimacing, "I ran into a bit of trouble please send someone soon. I'm in the dessert a bit ways from town-gah!" You winced, image flickering, but he could clearly see the color staining your clothes. You looked at the camera with watering eyes, "This may be cheesy but..." you laughed, immediately hissed, "I love you Yamato." Then you vanished from his sight.

He stood up quickly, "Send a team out there. Now."

"W-we did, and we found them but..." They hesitated.

"But what??"

"They aren't doing to well..."

"Where are they?" He strode quickly to the doorway. "Infirmary?"

The person nodded and Yamato didn't waste another second.

His walk turned into a jog, which turned into a sprint.

Finally reaching the infirmary and seeing your seeing form on the bed the thought of losing you hit him hard.

As your eyes slowly opened, scanning your surroundings before meeting his eyes.

And suddenly his feelings for you were as clear as day.

He strode to your bedside and sunk to his knees before leaning towards your face.

Inches away his eyes flickered from your eyes to your lips and back up.

You didn't say a word, to surprised and flushed to say a thing.

You blinked and his lips were on yours.

When he parted from your lips he sighed, "I'm never letting you go out alone like that again. I love you too."

Ironic how his mission was to corrupt you, but it seemed that you did it to him. (Unknowingly).

And he wouldn't change that ever.

Hope you enjoyed reading! Likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[toadstool32]

darlingpost darling post get out while u still can

this is my ososan self insert darling! not their real name they get named a la homestuck aka they need a name and so thats what we call this guy

visual arts student in their last year, no gender unless its funny, always wear comfy or flowy clothes that hide the chest (SHRODINGERS BOOBS?? ((they r flat theyre like a ken doll, )))

le ref sheet

IN MY HEAD darling was like photocopying some doujin pages they were working on (for fun) at some store bc their printer broke or wathevs and then fucked up and suddenlly all the papers are scattered everywhere!!! noooo the gay porn!!! and karamatsu is like oh hang on let me help u with those my good sir (darling is dressed like a mess here) and darling is so fucking embarrassed but still goes like ummm thank uuu??? and karamatsu is like of course! no need to thank me!! karmatsu matsuno!!!<introduces himself here and darling is like waaaa he so nice and doesnt think im a freak for LITERALLY PRINTING GAY PORN IN PUBLIC WHAT THE FUCK anyway they do small talk with like ah yes great work here get home safe dont lose those papers again yes sir yes sir!!

karamatsu goes on with his life but darling is like waaa he was so nice i wanna be friends or something but idk if i will everrr find him again siiighhh. buut like one week later darling is all dressed up on theyr way to the city museum bc they help out there for school credit (is that a thing in japan idk this is me playing with dolls) but still have some time to kill to get there and on the way they see karamatsu in the distance and darling is like oh! i can say hi!! so they go but bc they r dressed more cutesy now karamatsu immediately starts doing his bit before darling even says hi hes like: "AH YES OUR FATED MEETING WAS WRITTEN IN THE STARS!! YES IVE BEEN SEEING U IN MY DREAMS AND MAY IT BE FATE THAT HAS BROUGHT U TOGETHER¿ RIGHT NOW MY **DARLING**!!" or something like that and darling is an idiot so they go "OMG HE REMEMBERS ME FROM LAST TIME! AND HE WANTS ME TO KEEP HIM COMPANY!! OR SOMETHING IM NOT SURE WHATS HE TALKING ABOUT!" point is darling doesn't ask for his name cause they already know it and karamatsu quite literally just names them darling and then they go on a not date to the museum cause i say so

dont get me wrong i ship them but also theyre both so fail at this bc darling is an airhead and karamatsu is....karamatsu

they would be the kind of ship that starts dating without knowing which i find funny bc karamatsu would make a big deal out of asking darling out and darling would be like oh as a friend right and would miss every romance cue ever but then when darling would be like hey are we dating and karamatsuu would be like *dies from both exasperation and relief* and then darling would be too concerned about getting him to the hospital and forgets about the dating part im hjust having fun here

darling tag with silly stuff

ANYWAY darlin n karamatsu are besties darling likes hearing him talk bc its funny and they compliment him on his spakly stuff n music even tho darling knows shit abt music and karamatsu hangs around trying to cheerlead darling on stuff and darling does the same, idiot to idiot communication,

ALSO darling cant see very well n they make a very goofy lights r on nobodys home face whenever they dont wear their glasses and confuse the matsus constantly at the start probably lol,

like after hanging out a bit darling probably sees totty in the city and they go OMGG KARAMACHAN U DIDNT TELL ME U WERE GOnna be in the city we could hang out and ur dressed in pink if i wore my pink cardigan we could maaatch and then realizes, they fucked up and totty is like KARAMACCHAN WHO, but totty was like, with friends and the girls are like omg totty who is this and darling is like TOTTY WHO, and his friends rope darling into hanging out bc darling straight up glomped totty there and they r never living that down ever.

and then todomatsu confronts karamatsu like DO YOU KNOW THIS GIRL and karamatsu is like ah thats darling and totty is like DIE?? anyway they get along fine n totty calls them dari-chan i think darling also gets along with osomatsu darling draws him silly stuff on request n sometimes tries to play with jyushimatsu (dies) ichi probs thinks darling has something wrong in the head to hang out w karamatsu (they do) and choromatsu is like perpetually confused, no one uses the same set of pronouns for darling which creates confusion at the start

darling is technically a nickname (and an overly cutesy one too!) so darling gets named that way by karamatsu at the start so they go oh i guess we r besties for life now and so they go like ok so i need a cutesy nickname for him so they do that and with totty darling fucks up introducing themself to him so they end up being dari-chan to him as a way to make an even more cutesy name out of an already cute nickname i just think thats funny

uuu what else what else, picky eater of the eats meat variety, short, cant see, tummy hurts, lightweight but doesnt care, this is literally me bro, this post is already so fucking long idk what else more, im just playing with dolls man