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widow-maximov · 3 years

Text

Surprise..?

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

Warning: Language, lots of fluff, maybe angst..

Summary: Being an Avenger is exhausting, your girlfriend Natasha decides to surprise you... Will you be thrilled?

Word count: 6.8k

My requests are always open so feel more than welcome to pop in a suggestion for the next story :3

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Having a simple life as an Avenger was definitely out of the window, this job required very high skills and concentration, especially if you have powers you need to know what you are doing so you don't end up hurting someone.

But the thing is, no one warns you how extreme this job can get, from watching people dying to not being able to find a solution to huge problems.

All of this pulls down on the reputation of Avengers which isn't good at all, watching as the news pull your name down is horrible to watch, which motives a lot of people but some only blame themselves for not doing something in that moment.

That happened to you, once. When you joined the Avengers you expected things to be hard of course but when you were sent out to your mission, it seemed like everything was going good and smooth.

So you started to like missions and started to take more for experience of course you was companied with your teammates for the time being until you gained enough skills and knowledge to do anything by yourself.

There is this one mission you'll never forget...

You woke up in the morning feeling confident about this missions, you were brief the day before by Steve, he went over with you what you need and how to take it.

You were suppose to get this important piece of paper and with your camouflage powers, they thought it would be best to let you go alone, Steve and Tony were convinced you have enough knowledge to do this by yourself.

Some teammates still insisted on coming along with you but they were told no by Steve and you felt a little proud that within couple of these months here, you were able to score your own mission.

Natasha was one of those teammates who insisted on coming, she wanted to ensure you didn't get hurt, during the shoot out but Steve was quick to shutting her out from any information.

He knew that Natasha would end up following you and jeopardising the mission leaving the Avengers empty handed again. He was exhausted with his teammates coming back from missions beating to the point where they would spend weeks in the medical wing.

Every time Steve sent out a group of people, they were always ambushed and over powered by their enemy so getting that paper was very important and if that meant having Natasha angry at him for some time, he took those chances.

She was left out in the dark which she hated so much, Natasha wanted to help but she could only hope nothing would happen to you, she made sure to train you just before you left for the mission.

She definitely didn't want to say goodbye with words, so training had to do for now. You were exhausted by the end of the session with her but still had enough energy to pull her into a hug before actually leaving.

Everyone knew apart from Natasha that you liked her, everyone knew apart from you that Natasha liked you too which only frustrated the team mates that shipped you in secret.

It was nice watching Natasha crumble under your touch, she would melt into your hugs and you would melt under her gaze, it was very visible about how oblivious the two of you were.

Which was really difficult for Natasha to see you go off on your own, she just wanted to make sure you would be fine in the end but only time could tell.

You were pretty successful on your own, you managed to access the room that stored the paper, you only needed to knock out the two guards that were in the way, you used your powers and they were unconscious within seconds.

You had a smug smile across your lips as you walked over to the cabinet that the paper was in, failing to notice that camera with a sensor which sense your movement.

You uncamouflaged and bend down to open the little cabinet door, snatching the paper, suddenly the wall turned displaying a location and a timer.

The red lights flashed and an alarm went off, your heart sunk as you stared at the timer, you had to turn this off, you tried to look for something to turn this off but it was impossible.

You reached for your com as you spoke "Uh, a timer went off and its counting down, there is a location here but nothing to turn this off"

"You have to get to the location! You can dismantle the bomb there" Tony spoke through your ear.

You swallowed hard as you rushed out of the building, heading to the place that had the bomb, you barely could breath when you arrived but that didn't stop you, you rushed inside.

You failed to notice that the bomb was located amongst people, two tall buildings with thousands of people, when you gotten to the bomb, it was placed in the middle and it was very visible.

You looked around and no one was there, you collapsed onto your knees and reached for the com "What do I do now?"

"Cut the red wire!" Tony spoke again.

You turned the bomb around and found no wired "What?" you whispered.

"What red wire? There are no red wires here Tony!" You was filled with anxiety, the way it was ticking was making you even more nervous.

"There might be a compartment, pry it open with something and cut the red wire!"

You nodded as if he was here to see that, you found something to pry it open and found wires that are not red but all brown, "They are all brown Tony"

"Okay, look at the first wire and see where it leads, if it leads to the battery, cut it"

You had sweat sliding down your face as you stared at the wires, none of them led anywhere, you looked at the screen that displayed the time, you barely had time to even take this back to Tony.

"I-" You spoke but anxiety was stopping you.

You had 20 seconds and there was no way you could defuse this, you swallowed as you spoke "I can't do it"

"Kid! Yes you can, just look at the wires and just cut it off with the knife"

You was staring at the wires since you opened it and you knew if you cut the wrong one, you will blow up right here with it "I- I can't"

Now there were tears sliding down your face, you had less than 15 seconds left, you took a deep breath and cut the last brown wire, and nothing happened, nothing the timer was still ticking and nothing stopped.

You started to cut off all of the wires and nothing, you took deep breath as a voice screamed into your ear "Run Y/n!"

You didn't have to be told twice, you placed the bomb and ran for your life, as soon as you made to the door, the bomb went off and you flew several feet away from the building, crashing into another building and hitting the wall which knocked you out.

The bomb did big damage causing the whole two building to shake and catch on fire, killing hundred people in process and leaving thousands to somehow escape.

The rest of the Avengers managed to help those people out with Tony's technology as Natasha gotten you back to the medical wing. She was anxious and afraid she will lose you, she never saw your body be so still and lifeless.

As soon as you woke up from the coma you were in, you noticed no one around, panicked you wanted to get up but the pain in your body slowed you down.

You took a deep breath as you pulled out the needle in your arm, and started to walk out of the room, as soon as you heard someone coming, you used your powers to camouflage and proceeded to your room.

As soon as you gotten there, you turned on the TV and saw your name displayed as the news people spoke about you "Is Y/n L/n a hero or a threat?"

"What we witnessed couple hours ago, could only prove that Avengers might have a liar amongst themselves. From the footage you could see Y/n run inside and run out and a boom went off, this is terrifying!" One of the women spoke on the TV.

You had tears in your eyes, not only from physical pain but also by hearing how your name is getting dragged in mud, you changed the channel.

"This is getting serious, why would an individual that is suppose to be a hero, kill hundreds of people? That's easy! Y/n L/n joined the Avengers and gained their trust to only betray them and watch as fear and loss is spread"

You shook your head as you whispered out "No, that's not true"

Each channel had your name pulled through mud as you listened to each of them and nodded to agree with them whenever they mentioned the failure you were.

Natasha barged inside the room with fear in her eyes but as soon as she looked at you, she let out a sigh "Here you are, why did you leave the medical wing?"

She looked at the TV when she received no answer, she walked over and took the remote to turn off the news, you was still staring at the black TV "Hey Y/n.."

You looked at her with tears threatening to spill, she placed her hand on your face "It's not your fault.."

You shook your head to disagree "It's all of my fault, I should've done something, anything to save all of those people. I failed and now I have to live with it"

"It's not your fault, you weren't trained to defuse bombs, and whatever the news say, it shouldn't matter because we know you and you tried your best, there was nothing you could've done"

You sighed as you leaned into her and she embraced as you silently cried into her, she was there through that bad time and you were more than grateful for her sticking by your side.

The public gradually warmed up after a heartfelt apology that came from you after properly leaving the medical wing, but you knew if any more slip ups happened this would really effect you, at least Natasha stuck with you that was really important to you.

Now that you and Natasha were together, she changed so much and the team kind of hates it but likes it at the same time. She throws a fit whenever she is unable to sit next to you during movie night, this caused so many groans to escape and in the end she was satisfied when she sat in your lap.

The only reason this relationship happened was because of Clint and Bucky, they were very invested in your relationship and wanted to speed things up, they couldn't watch you stare at Natasha like you wanted her right there and then.

They needed this to sail and they did what they needed to do, they set the two of you up, they faked a little get together and just invited the two of you, of course the whole team were threatened that if they ruin this, they will not live to see the next day.

You were sitting in your room when suddenly Bucky runs in, making you jump "What the fuck Bucky!"

He giggled like a little girl and smiled at you whilst staring at you "That was funny"

You rolled your eyes "What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy"

"I just wanted to tell you that, Tony and I are throwing a little get together so you have to be there" He spoke as he slowly made his way towards your closet.

You jumped up and followed him "Why is he throwing one? He throws parties every weekend anyway"

There was a slight panic in Bucky's eyes but he wasn't facing you so you didn't see it "Because it's for us"

You sighed, knowing you won't get out of this "Fine-"

You tried to agree but the flying top hit your face, you pulled it off and threw it at him "You dickhead I'm behind you"

He giggled again "I know"

You pushed him gently and slightly giggled as well "What are you even doing?"

"Looking for some good clothes you can wear" He spoke as he kept trying to find something.

"I know how to dress good" You stated.

That caused him to turned his head and look at you up and down "Yeah sure"

"Get out of here before I make you" You crossed your arms as you stared at him.

"Okay fine but be ready by 7" He started to walk towards your door, you nodded at him and when he stopped again and looked at you "Make sure it's something elegant or..."

He smirked "Revealing.."

You started to walk towards him and he ran away from you as he was giggling, you shook your head with a smile and closed the door. You looked at the clock, you still had time so you continued with what you were doing.

You ended up showering and dressing elegant, you wasn't exactly informed what this get together was for, so you just dressed up that was revealing but very respectfully.

Bucky walked you to the elevator and told you where to go, being here for more than a year and still not familiar that this place has more rooms, but this building is owned by Tony Stark of course it has so many rooms.

You were glad he didn't plan this get together somewhere away because getting back here whilst your drunk is a problem, you walked into this room and it had everything, a dance floor, a bar with tables near by and only one table decorated.

It should've already lit up a little bulb in your head but you were too shocked by the size of this room and how it fit here, there was a big balcony as well with some comfortable chairs.

You made your way towards the bar before doing anything else, you made yourself a drink and turned around to still no one, until your eye caught movement out in the balcony.

You frowned as you didn't notice or heard anyone entering, so you made your way towards the movement as you saw Natasha sitting down enjoying her drink.

"Natasha?" You asked, causing the woman to quickly look over at you and continue to stare out in the city after.

"Y/n" She simply said your name just like you said hers.

"How long have you been here?" You asked as you still stood in the same place.

"I don't know, I think I'm on my second drink now" She spoke up again, but this time she stood up as she faced you.

"Are you okay?" You asked a little worried.

"Of course" She tried her best to mask her feeling but you knew better.

You looked around and still there was no show from the team "Is the rest of the team coming?"

She scoffed as she walked on towards the bar to top her drink up, causing you to follow "What?"

"They set us up" She spoke with ease, like there were no emotions behind those words.

"What do you mean? Bucky told me about the get together-"

She faced you abruptly "There is no get together Y/n"

You frowned "Then why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad"

"Well obviously something is upsetting you-" You tried to raise your point but she stopped you.

"Because I know how this will end Y/n, the reason to why this happened is because Bucky and the rest of the team can't keep their nose out of my business"

You frowned with confusion "What are you talking about?"

Natasha took a sip of her drink as she slightly leaned back on the bar "They obviously want to humiliate me, they set up everything to be romantic so we get together"

You swallowed at her words, as you take another look at the room, now that she mentioned it you saw it, the table with roses and some candles, expensive wine on the side and the romantic music with slightly dimmed lights.

You looked back at her and before you could even say anything, she beat you to it "Please spare me the whole 'I like you but just a friend' thing, I really just want to enjoy my drink and not think about the rejection from you"

"This is why they called it the 'get together' huh.." You mumbled underneath your nose as realisation hit you.

"You didn't really think Tony would organise a random get together?"

You shrugged "I mean that man is unpredictable and likes to drink a lot so I wouldn't really think about it"

She chuckled into the glass before she took a sip of her drink, which you used an opportunity to talk "Look Nat, I'm not sure why you instantly assume there wouldn't be a little percent of me being interested"

Natasha raised her eyebrows at you "You see yourself with me? In a romantic way?"

She stared at you as you innocently shrugged "Would that be so bad?"

"N-no of course not!" She stuttered as she was quick to disagree with you.

You slightly smirked and taking a sip of your own drink that you were still holding, you walked over to her and grabbed two wine glasses, slowly making your way over to the table.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she watched you curiously.

"Starting to enjoy this date" You spoke as you turned your face to see her, she looked down briefly with a smile and finally joined you...

It was definitely a successfully date which led to multiple dates to happen after, and here you are couple years in, still as Natasha's girlfriend.

So far it seemed like everything was going great, waking up in Natasha's arms each morning, slightly lay in as you enjoyed the morning together, it never gotten boring because those were the moments you could relax before the chaos started.

The only breaks you ever had was little dates that could only last an hour or so before heading to sleep as work wasn't going to wait in the morning, it was exhausting and Natasha noticed that.

She was worried about you, usually you and her would spend couple hours after missions, just talking and catching up but lately you were a little withdraw from her.

She didn't blame you, these missions only gotten harder and sometimes spending days without each other only added to the stress, so Natasha being a genius she is, came up with a solution.

She wanted to surprise you with a vacation, away from this constant stress but of course this required her being away more as she took on more missions.

So when she started to be less around, you started to panic, you were scared that this was the end of your relationship. At first you thought maybe it's before there is more to do but Steve accidently slipped and said that there is the same amount of missions.

This caused you to spiral, after your own tiring missions all you wanted to come back to was Natasha's arms, the way her fingers would be deeply buried into your head and you would peacefully fall asleep with her head buried into her neck.

Natasha briefed the team of what she was doing, warning that if anyone slips up about her surprise, she will literally throw them off a building and not care if they have something to save themselves.

By the time Natasha would be back, you would be either sleeping or already on your own mission, you barely saw each other and never had any time to have a conversation.

What you thought Natasha was doing, was actually far from it. She was saving up to surprise you whilst you sat in your shared bedroom coming up with scenarios where she tells you she doesn't want to be with you.

You blamed yourself for being so withdraw but it was hard to talk about the things you had to witnesses and ensure you don't fail like you did couple years back.

You informed Steve that you will be taking the day off before hand as you sat in the dark for Natasha to come back. You didn't know if she would be back now or in the morning but you couldn't sleep, you needed to know if she was avoiding you.

The door opened as Natasha tried to sneak inside of the room without waking you up but that was useless when she noticed you sitting on the bed.

She turned on the light "детка (baby) are you okay?"

You look at her with tears in your eyes, she rushes over to you as she checks for any signs of injuries "What's wrong?"

You take a deep breath "Are you going to leave me?"

She stopped in her tracks as she stared at you with shock "W-what?"

You wiped the fallen tears as your eyes were glued to her "You started to take on more missions and I know it's not because there is more, Steve told me"

Natasha signed as she closed her eyes and mentally cursed Steve for opening his mouth, but you continued "I'm just afraid this means you are avoiding me and will end up breaking up with me"

Natasha finally placed herself in front of you, kneeling down as she took your hands into hers "I'm not leaving or breaking up with you детка (baby)"

You felt relief wash over you at her words "Then why are you taking on more missions?"

She took a deep breath as she stared into your eyes "I wanted to surprise you, I didn't think you would find out so early but-"

She stood up as she walked over to her laptop, she sat herself next to you as she opened it, letting the display show what she was looking up.

"I noticed you were stressed and wanted to surprise you with a vacation" She flicked through some of the tabs that showed multiple locations for perfect vacation spots.

You gasps as you watched her flick through, you could feel the weight on your chest just vanish and all of your previous worries wash away.

You still had tears flowing down your face but they were happy tears "I'm sorry Natty, I jumped into conclusions but lately my nightmares have gotten worse since you haven't been here"

She sadly smiled at you as she placed the laptop down and pulled you into her, with her thumb wiping away the tears "It's okay Y/n/n, you don't need to be sorry, it should be me who should be sorry for making you feel like that and not being here for you"

You looked up at her "What did I do to deserve you Tasha"

She smiled "You deserve the world Y/n/n"

"It's in front of me-" You said as you frowned.

Natasha smiled widely as she nodded "I know" the Russian knew exactly what to do, she knew your world was her and tricking you was just as easy.

"You tricked me" Natasha smiled as you dramatically gasps at her 'betrayal'.

She nodded with a smile as she pulled you into a kiss, any stress that was left hanging disappeared within seconds of her lips against yours.

Natasha ended up taking some days off to be with you and help you with your missions but still worked very hard to finally get out of this place and see something new.

Which she succeeded, it didn't take long for that to happen as she had saved up a lot during the time she wasn't around. Natasha was nervous, you thought it was because she had to leave behind a part of her life that she swore to never leave.

But there was something else, she was actually nervous because when she was away from one of the missions that just happen to be in Budapest, she came across her family that she haven't seen in a long time which she failed to mention to you.

She was more than happy to catch up with them and practically spent half of her time with them, to which they found out about her relationship and her surprise.

Alexei being Alexei decided to invite himself along with Melina and Yelena to this surprise without really notifying Natasha, the day she booked the vacation, happen to be the day Alexei decided to have the same vacation.

The day before leaving, he called Natasha and that's when he informed her "Now you won't have to be alone on this vacation Natasha, you'll have us to join you!"

"I wouldn't have been alone, I have Y/n!" Natasha was pacing around the room.

"Oh don't be dramatic, we want to meet this Y/n, it's a perfect timing" She could practically hear his smile as he spoke.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She asked as she make sure you were out of hearing range.

"I knew you would react like this so we surprised you"

"All three of you were on this?" Natasha asked, she wasn't expecting Yelena to be in on this as well.

"No, he bribed me" Yelena's voice came through the phone as the Russian signed.

She wanted to argue more but she heard you calling out for her "I'll see you tomorrow then"

"That's the spirit-" He spoke very enthusiastically but Natasha was quick to hang up before you overheard the conversation.

"Oh there you are" You finally laid your eyes on her with a huge smile.

You noticed that something was off when she gave you half a smile at your sight, she was clearly nervous "Something's wrong.. What's wrong?"

Natasha shook her head "Nothing is wrong"

"Then why are you nervous?" You had a worried expression plastered across your face.

Natasha cursed to herself at how well you knew her "I was just double checking everything is perfect for tomorrow"

You placed your hand on her cheek, giving her a encouraging smile "Being with you is already perfect, no doubt tomorrow wouldn't be just as perfect"

She smiled as she placed her head on your chest as your arms embraced her "We should probably spend some time with the team before we leave"

Natasha's grip on you tightened "But I want to spend my time with you onlyyy"

You giggled "We will have time during the 3 and half weeks away from them"

"Fine but you're sitting on my lap, I don't want Wanda anywhere near you" Natasha unglued herself from you as she stared you in the eyes.

"Wanda is not a threat but if it will make you feel better that's fine with me" You rolled your eyes but spoke with a smile.

You called in the last movie night before leaving and the team was more than happy to pull away from missions for the day just to spend some quality time with the two of you.

Of course the two of you left the movie night earlier due to getting up early but Natasha might've lied to just have you to herself before actually having to sleep.

The morning was chaos, making sure you had everything and nothing was missing, even when leaving there was always that feeling that something was left behind when in reality you had everything.

Natasha was getting more anxious which was very noticeable, you wanted to say something but you didn't want to do it in the plane. The flight was more than relaxing, you always loved travelling and this was like a dream come true, especially since you thought you would always be stuck in that building working on missions day and night.

When the two of you arrived at the not familiar airport, you stretched out and that's when you noticed a group of 3 people waving and smiling at you and Natasha, you looked back to make sure it was aimed at you.

You turned to Natasha who was checking on her phone how far the hotel was "Nat... Why are there people waving at us?"

She stopped what she was doing as she looked up at you and then at the people, she sighed as she put her phone away and looked back at you "Meet my family"

"Your what?!" You asked as she quickly walked away from you, you followed right after as they greeted you.

"Oh my, you must be Y/n... You are a lot more skinner than we imagined.." Melina commented as she eyed you up and down.

Yelena pushed past Melina as she walked towards you with a smile " You look okay, I like you"

You looked over at Natasha to which she gave you a smile and you laughed nervously at Yelena, on the other hand they seemed nice apart from Alexei.

Melina had to nudge him "Say something Alexei"

"But she haven't said anything, why should I speak first-"

Natasha interrupted him "Great! Y/n/n let me just introduce you since they haven't said their names"

"Alexei" She pointed towards him, "Melina and Yelena" She finished as she faced you again with a smile.

You forced a smile and turned towards Alexei "Are you not the Red Guardian?"

There it was, a huge smile across his lips "She gets it"

"Don't get him started-" Natasha tried to warn you but you didn't want to listen to her at the moment.

"Do you have any cool stories?" You asked as you looked at Natasha briefly and then back at Alexei.

"I have so many! There was this one time-" He started his story with this grin across his face at the recollection of his memories.

"Okay! Not right now, we need to get to the hotel first" Natasha interrupted him as she stepped in front of him so your eyes were on her.

"Natasha is right, we need to go to the hotel and then find somewhere we can eat!" Melina agreed as she took her luggage and started to walk ahead.

Everyone followed her and Natasha as she was the only one who knew where the hotel was, she already rented a car out during the booking and drove to the hotel.

Everyone parted their ways to put the bags away and see how the day can do, you didn't speak to Natasha on your way to the room, you were slightly upset that she didn't tell you. You were meeting her family for the first time and you wanted to know to at least look presentable.

You weren't afraid of what they thought of you but if they would accept you, you love Natasha and you can't see yourself with someone else apart from her so the subject of marriage is still yet to happen, but you want it, you want to be apart of her family and that is if they accept you.

Most of your relationships ended because their family didn't accept you and that's something you didn't want to repeat, you really cared about Natasha so it really mattered to you.

As soon as the two of you walked inside the room, she tried her luck "Y/n/n?"

You ignored her as you started to pull out some fresh clothes to change into, she continued "детка (baby)?"

She made her way towards you which you still ignored, you could never be mad at her, you were just upset so you looked up at her, she always knew that you loved it when she spoke Russian to you.

"You should've told me Natasha" You spoke up as you kept your eyes on her.

She sighed, you never used her name unless it was serious "I'm sorry, I didn't know they were coming until Alexei called me yesterday"

You raised your brows at her "You knew since yesterday and you didn't say anything?"

"You didn't even tell me you had a family in the first place" You tore your gaze from her as you took your clothes and walked to the bathroom.

"I didn't know it would be a big deal Y/n/n" She followed you to he bathroom.

You laid your clothes down as you faced her "Of course it's a big deal, I want to know when I'm going to meet my in laws Natasha"

She couldn't help but smile "In laws?"

"You heard me" You looked away because if you kept looking you would end up smiling, she had a very contagious smile.

"I didn't talk about them because I didn't even think I would see them, ever again but I did and Alexei decided to invite himself to our vacation, I didn't want this meeting to go like this and I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I was afraid you would want to back out"

You stood still as you looked in the mirror and at her, continuing to listen to her before saying anything "I have planned things that doesn't involve them if that's what you're worried about"

She took a couple small steps towards you, making you sigh and face her "That's not what I'm worried about.."

She took your hands into hers as she looked at you with a small smile "Then what are you worried about?"

"That they wont accept me Nat, I don't exactly have a good record of my relationships with family, most of them left because their parents didn't like me, I just- It's stupid" You tore your hands away from her as you looked away.

She shook her head "No it's not" She reached for your chin, forcing you look at her "What you feel is important so stop trying to push it down"

She moved her hand to your cheek " And don't worry about them, they have a hard time warming up to practically everyone, but on the bright side Yelena likes you so that's one person, plus she is very convincing"

You lean into her hand "It still doesn't change the fact that I am upset with you"

She smiled as her other hand made it's way to your hip to pull you closer "Let me make it up to you"

You nodded as you moved closer to her lips with a slight smile, but as soon as it started, it ended. Just when your lips collided with each other like they did a million times before, you were interrupted by a very loud knock.

"Natasha!" Melina's muffled voice came from the other side.

She pulled away and sighed "This is why I wouldn't have agreed to them coming"

You giggled as Natasha answered "What!"

"He is about to break the door, you better open" Yelena shouted as she slightly chuckled.

"You shower and I will busy them" She untangled herself from you as she proceeded to go to them.

"I will shower later, I will just change" You spoke up before she disappeared out of the bathroom.

"You don't need to rush you know?" She asked and you nodded with a smile "I know but I rather shower with you later"

She smirked as she walked out this time, closing the door and walking over to open the door to let them in "How did you even find this room"

Yelena was eating something but she pointed towards Alexei "He was listening in"

Alexei faced her "Snitch, that's not how I raised you"

"Actually you didn't really raise me-" The blonde tried to correct him, but Melina cut in.

"Where is Y/n?" She looked past Natasha into the room and there was no sign of you.

"What did you do to котенок (kitten)?" Yelena asked when her attention was pulled towards the question.

"Did you give a pet name for my girlfriend?" Natasha asked as she narrowed her eyes at her sister.

"She is like a kitten, she's new and cute so yeah she's a котенок" Yelena explained as you walked out of the bathroom in new clothes.

Natasha looked at you with shock "Are you hearing this? She gave you a pet name"

You stood next to redhead as her arm snaked around you "There is no need to be jealous Nat"

You looked at Yelena who had a grin as she knew how to mess with Natasha and you wanted to join in "I'm not jealous, that would mean I don't have you when I do, she's jealous"

Alexei chuckled "Melina I don't think we ever saw Natasha jealous"

You tried your best to not laugh as Melina spoke up "You're right, it's definitely a new look on her"

"Okay that's enough, all of you!" Natasha eyed everyone except you as they continue to tease her.

"We should probably head to eat something or they will close everything" You raised a point to which they all agreed and Natasha silently thanked you from taking their attention of her.

"котенок is right" Yelena used your pet name, earning a death stare from Natasha to which she just giggled.

As you walked on, Natasha had her hand interlocked with yours until Alexei pulled her into him to tell her something causing her to let go of you, making you walk along with Yelena.

"I like your vest" You looked at Yelena and what she was wearing.

She practically beamed "It has a lot of pockets"

"Pockets?" You questioned, it didn't look like it did but as soon as she reached inside, she was able to pull out more than 3 items.

"See, I can stash so much food here" She had a smile plastered across her face as she showed you.

"She never takes off that vest" Melina chipped in as she was observing the two of you.

You were impressed so you really didn't care "I mean I wouldn't either, it's really practical"

"See! She gets it" Yelena raised her voice slightly as you giggled.

Melina rolled her eyes playfully at Yelena, once again Alexei pulled Yelena into him as he spoke to both of them, leaving you with Melina.

"Don't worry Y/n, Alexei will warm up to you but from what I can see, he already took a liking in you so all you have to do is take in interest in his boring stories and he will end up not wanting to leave you alone"

You looked at Melina when she slightly whispered, just enough so the three in the front wouldn't overhear "As for me, Natasha seems to really love you and I want her to be happy, so if it's you who makes her smile like that, then so be it. I'm just happy my little girl is finally happy"

You held back some tears at her speech "I'm very grateful that you took a chance on me Melina, it's very important to me as my mother doesn't see like that"

"Aw Дорогой (sweetheart)" She pulled you into her side as yous continued to walk.

"I swear to god, If another person gives Y/n a pet name, they won't know what day is tomorrow" Natasha pulled herself away from Alexei's grip as she stopped everyone and narrowed her eyes at Melina.

"Okay, calm down Natasha" Melina tried to keep Natasha calm, she was never a threat to them but she didn't want Natasha to be angry after.

"Listen to your mother" Alexei agreed with Melina which only fuelled Natasha on.

She scoffed as she looked at the Red Guardian which caused Yelena to laugh at her sister "I'm so glad we decided to come here and meet котенок (kitten)"

Natasha was ready to fight her sister but you were quicker as you pulled her back to where she was before, holding her by the hand to which she just gave Yelena a death stare and you giggled.

"But don't forget Y/n if you hurt Natasha, we will haunt you down" Melina's tone turned serious.

You gulped and the redhead rolled her eyes "Okay James Bond, leave Y/n/n alone"

Melina's serious face turned into a smile within seconds and she joined the two in the front, now leaving you with Natasha.

"They like you" There was a huge smile across both of yours faces.

"It feels good to know that" You felt at peace, they weren't any regular family, they were chaotic and different and that's what you liked about them.

"I love you" Natasha chocked out as she stopped and pulled you back into her.

"I love you too Talia" A smile was spread across your face that always gave Natasha butterflies, she pulled your face into hers and kissed you with all of emotions behind it.

"You have gotten soft Natasha" Yelena yelled but the redhead didn't care, she probably did go soft but she only showed it when you were around, you made her soft and she actually liked it...

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 years

Text

Life Goes On

This if for @buckybarnesplumwhore

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape; grieving, funeral, breeding, handcuffs, warnings are not exhaustive so read at your own discretion.

This is dark! Andy Barber x reader and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Synopsis: You volunteer at the local youth center but when one of the kids meets an unfortunate end, you cross paths with his father. No stranger to grief, you try to help him cope but find it a bigger than task that you expected.

Note: When I started writing, I had no plan. When I kept writing, there was still no plan. And then it just all kinda happened.

Thanks to everyone for sticking around and putting up with me and thanks in advance for all your feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

It was too sunny for a funeral. A funeral come too soon.

The service was held out in the sun, rows of wooden chairs and a sombre old priest. You never knew if the Barbers were religious but it was easy to find a holy man in Massachusetts, as easy as those early years of settlement found in textbooks.

There were no flowers, only two oblong caskets shrouded in black cloth, the name of each of the dead on silver placards, no pictures, no souvenir of who they were.

It was like Andy was already trying to forget them. He was at the front, the grieving widower and father. You were lost somewhere in the middle with his co-workers, there out of propriety more than empathy, and distant relatives who attended out of courtesy, some passing acquaintances who followed the story in the papers more than out of compassion. It was a spectacle and Andy had done his best from feeding the leering onlookers.

You knew Jacob more than his parents. He was younger than you, almost ten years apart. You knew him from the youth group you volunteered for, the same one you'd been in at his age. He was out of place there, he was from a better neighbourhood than the other kids, they called him the rich brat, and he resented himself more for it than he did them.

His attendance kept his mother happy. He didn't like the individual counseling, he didn't talk, so she put him in the group and he talked there. Sometimes. The kids never went on philosophical monologues but they understood each other and shared what they needed to.

Laurie was always late to pick him up. So he stayed to help stack the chairs and you ended up waiting with him, making sure he wasn't alone in the dark. He hated that at first too, until he realised you weren't on the stoop to council or judge. You were just two people, chatting to pass the time.

Sometimes Andy picked him up. He was friendlier than Laurie. Jacob's mother was always in a rush, even on her way home where there was no deadline. She said thanks, maybe, and drove off as she began to lecture Jacob about how he wore his hat. Andy offered you a ride, every time, as if he had some compulsion to be the good guy, the saviour. You always said no, the bus was a five minute ride to your building, fifteen minutes if you walked.

Now Jacob was dead, his mother too. Another tragedy inflicted upon those least likely. Even death didn't stop the whispers, even that venue, the priest's collar, the Biblical dirges, the grim family man in black did not silence them. It sickened you as the service ended and the people rose in a hushed murmur.

Andy left without talking to anyone. The procession of cars would drive through the streets with flags to mark the grieving on their way to the interment. It was as if Andy was doing what was expected more than what he felt he owed the deceased. He was ever the lawyer, formal and curt.

You followed the grey parade. Not out of obligation but out of genuine regret. Jacob seemed like a lost kid, even in death. The rumours, the accusations, the suspicion, followed him. The people didn't watch the dirt fall from the shovel to see him at peace, they watched it as some grand finale to the great show of the Barbers.

When the metal no longer cut and scattered the soil, the crowd thinned out. You stayed as the diggers packed up. You were sad for Jacob, for Laurie. Andy hadn't been there to see the burial. You couldn't blame him but you were surprised. He just disappeared after the service, apparently done with his part in the play.

You went closer and stared at the new stone that stretched above both plots. Laurie Barber… and her son, Jacob Barber. May they rest. It was as short, as minimal as anything else about the affair. You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand. You didn't know if Jacob was a bad seed, it wasn't your job to make that call, but he had just been a kid and all that potential was now six feet down.

"Didn't think anyone would stick around," the dark figure stepped up beside you, his steps muted by the grass, "least of all, you."

"I'm sorry, I…" you looked at Andy and then the dirt, "I'll go."

"Wait," he said before you could move, "I thought-- I thought I wanted to be alone for this…" he shoved his hand in his pocket, "but I've been alone since it happened and I'm realising, I'm gonna be alone from here on out."

You didn't say a word. You didn't know what you could say. He'd heard a hundred apologies, a hundred condolences.

"I'm happy someone stayed, that someone cared," he cleared his throat, "thank you."

You nodded and played with the buttons on your cardigan.

"He was too. Happy, you know, that someone cared. I think back now and I realise that you probably saw him more than me. He was always excited to go to the centre but he got in that car and he just… deflated." He shook his head, "maybe this is better. One way or the other, he wanted to get away from me but he never could get away from Laurie. She wouldn't let him go."

He chuckled sardonically but it quickly fizzled in his throat.

"Sorry, I'm rambling…"

"You're processing," you said, "a lot of the kids down at the centre, they lost parents, one way or the other, orphans, fosters… I always told them that they didn't have to make sense because grief never really does."

"Now that makes a lot of sense," he said, "but you shouldn't have to listen to me."

"I shouldn't or you don't think you should say any of it?"

"Hmmm," he hummed, "yeah, maybe."

"I don't get paid to listen to those kids, I just get a time and a place to do so. This isn't different. It's just talking and a lot of that is just figuring things out. Listening is easy, you're doing the hard part."

"Jeez, you come up with this stuff on your own or is there some sort of how-to book?"

You lifted your chin and sucked in your lip. You could tell where Jacob got the bite from.

"Sorry, that was… mean," he said after the silence settled with the dirt, "can I ask you something?"

"Sure," you said.

"You got somewhere to be?"

"No…" you answered cautiously.

"Do you think you might wanna listen to me a little more? I'll buy you a coffee for the trouble."

"You wanna talk? To me?"

"Better than anyone I do know," he snorted, "they all just give me that dumb look. They pity me, judge me. You don't have to say yes but I started now, if I stop, I'll...stop."

"Coffee?" You glanced over at him, "I'd rather tea."

"I'm sure they got that too," he fiddled with the trim of his pocket, "anytime you wanna bail, let me know."

"If I can handle teen angst, I think I can handle you."

🖤

That afternoon wasted away in the corner of a café. It felt like any other day but for Andy, you knew, it was likely the worst day of his life. Likely a day he wouldn’t forget. You sat patiently until the last of your tea was cold. He didn’t finish his coffee, he hardly even touched it. When you checked the time, he looked down embarrassed.

“It’s late,” he said, “I… I’m sorry for keeping you so long.”

“I didn’t have anything to do. I doubt you did either,” you swept up the paper cup and your purse.

“No, really, I mean, you don’t know me. You knew Jacob and I just sat here and talked your ear off for hours. I--” he looked out the window, “I know that when I go home, the house will still be empty. That’s why I’m here.”

You looked past him as he turned back. You chewed your lip, “Andy, have you looked into counseling yet?”

“It feels… too early for that.”

“Too early?”

“I don’t want to let it go. Don’t want to let them go,” he sucked his hands in his pockets, “if I go, that’s what they’ll tell me to do.”

“No, they’d help you live with it, not forget it,” you said, “but I know, it’s scary. Have you done anything? Read anything?”

“Read?”

“Self-help isn’t for everyone and those dummy books aren’t great I admit, but sometimes a start is better than nothing. What about… a routine? Do you have one?”

“I work, I come home, I sleep, and try not to notice they’re gone,” he shrugged, “and repeat. Lot of overtime.”

“You’re still working?” you went to the door and he followed.

“Well, I talked to you. That’s what I’m going to do about it.”

You stepped out into the evening din and spun to look at him. You crossed your arms and stood across from him on the pavement.

“Well, unfortunately there’s an age limit down at the centre,” you said, “but I could give you a number for an adult group.”

“No, I don’t wanna talk to a group of sad parents and widowers. Just remind me how pathetic I really am,” he scoffed.

“Do you think that what you’re doing right now is better?”

“Do you have a degree in this?” he wondered, “what are you doing down at that youth centre talking to degenerates?”

“I have a certificate that says I’m good at listening, but no, I couldn’t afford a degree,” you dropped your arms, “but, will you come down? Sit in on a session. Just listen… for Jacob? It helped him, I think, after a while?”

“With the kids?”

“Yeah, with the kids,” you said, “maybe it will help you decide.”

“Decide what?”

“If you’re going to keep doing what you're doing; nothing, or if you’re going to try. Trust me, after a while, just sitting there, ignoring it, it gets old and it won’t get better.”

He looked down and stared at his leather shoe as he ground his toe into the pavement, “is that allowed? Am I allowed to do that?”

“I don’t see why not. I have parents sit in all the time.”

“But I’m not-- not anymore,” he gulped.

“You are,” you patted his arm gently, “you always will be.”

“What time?” he raised his head.

“Tuesdays and Thursdays at four-thirty. We do accept late arrivals. Kids come in and out. Usually hang out til seven before I let them go.”

“I think I can make that work,” he exhaled deeply, “thank you.”

“For what?”

“For putting up with me.”

You nodded and gave a bittersweet smile, “I miss Jacob too. I might be little more than a glorified babysitter but it means something to me. The kids… they feel like they’re mine sometimes. At least on those two nights a week.”

“Well…” he peered down the street, “you need a ride?”

You chuckled quietly, “you now, I think this time, I do.”

🖤

Andy was early. He took a chair near the wall as the kids flopped on the low sofas and into the colourful armchairs. A government grant had seen an upgrade in the lounge, although the kitchen needed some work as the cooking classes were still short on supplies. Dark circles darkened his eyes and the hairline wrinkles around them added to the hollow effect. He wasn’t sleeping.

You waited for the room to quiet. You greeted the kids and went through the usual ice breaker; one bad thing, one good thing, and one way they could improve the bad. Many of them were reluctant at first, they resisted what they thought were cheesy and inane exercises but they all came around. They were able to voice things that otherwise would be kept to themselves and they were afforded a respectful and often rapt audience.

When you finished, you kept from naming your own three. You looked at Andy.

“I’m sorry, everyone, I’m so forgetful. This is Andy,” you gestured to him, “he’s sitting in with us today. Andy, why don’t you tell us your bad thing, your good thing, and one thing you can do to improve the bad.”

He looked startled but he stood and cleared his throat. He glanced around at the kids and the shadow left his face. “Well, I lost a file, there were free bagels at work, and… I guess I could try to look again tomorrow.”

“Very good,” you smiled, “alright, my turn at last. My bad thing is I spilled tea on my shirt, my good thing is it’s a dark shirt, and my thing to improve is… wear a bib.” You laughed as you audience stay stone faced, “alright, alright, I’ll just be more careful and not run with hot liquids.”

You sat and started with Danica. She was always the most talkative, that encouraged the other kids. Today was no exception and you had to remind her to save some time for everyone else. Erik was next, then Andre, and Shamea. You almost didn’t notice Andy as he stood and sidled against the wall. Not until he was at the door, he looked back darkly and you saw his chest fall heavily. His nostrils flared and he was gone.

You tried not to show your disappointment, tried not to let the kids notice. They were all caught up in the circle and breaking it was never good. Shamea passed the stuffed bunny to Naima and you focused on her. Maybe it was too soon for Andy, you understood that, but you hoped too that he might have found a piece of Jacob there.

Before the kids left, you handed out the coloured markers and they each scribbled down a few words before a high-five. They passed through the open door in pairs and singles, and you bent to add your own note. You tucked the card into your bag and locked up. Jacob was usually the only one to hang around. Not anymore.

You headed out the front door with a wave to Martha at the front desk and took a gulp of the fresh evening air. There was someone sat on the flat stone at the bottom of the broad rail of the stairs. You recognised Andy as you neared, much too big to be a teen.

“I’m sorry,” he dabbed his nose with his sleeve, “I couldn’t… I couldn’t stay in that room.”

“But you’re still here,” you said.

“I didn’t wanna just leave you hanging but… they all remind me of him,” he stood, “I’m sorry.”

“No more apologies,” you opened your purse and searched, “I had the kids put this together. Actually, it was Milo’s idea. He didn’t know it was you but he wanted to send it in the mail--”

“What?” he took the card and opened it. He turned so he could read it in the yellow light of the street lamp, “oh my god.”

“Is it too much?”

“No, no,” he ran his thumb over the ink, “it’s…” he closed it and tucked it into his jacket, “the only other thing I’ve got is the bill for the caskets. It’s… amazing. Thank you.”

“Not at all. They always surprise me,” you said, “most of the time, in good ways.”

“You need a ride?” he checked his watch.

“I don’t live far,” you waved him off, “but I always appreciate the offer.”

He nodded and frowned, “and if… if I didn’t want to be alone? Would you grab a burger with me? Have you eaten?”

“Not since lunch, I, uh… I guess it couldn’t hurt,” you said.

“You gotta be up early?”

“Nah, not too early.”

“What do you do? I mean, outside of this?” he turned and directed you to his car.

“Data entry,” you sighed, “it’s not very exciting but I work remotely and the pay is decent and I still have time for the kids.”

“It’s a living,” he said as the door locks clicked and you grabbed the handle, “no judgment. Trust me, being a lawyer, it’s really not as glamourous as it seems.”

🖤

Andy’s routine changed. He came around every Thursday and listened. After a few weeks, the kids figured out who he was. They didn’t treat him any differently and even invited him to join in on the teambuilding games you arranged. He wasn’t bad help as you welcomed a few new members from the group home.

That night, you weren’t feeling great. Even the kids hadn’t helped much. You were exhausted and nauseous. You blamed it on the late night shawarma. You said goodbye to the kids and packed up. Andy stacked the chairs without you asking, even when you told him not to.

You leaned heavily on the table and checked your phone before slipping it into your bag. You wiped your forehead and shivered. Some gravol, ginger ale, and sleep would be your indulgence that night.

“You okay?” Andy asked.

“Stomach thing,” you rubbed your middle, “nothing major.”

“You don’t look great,” he said, “well, I don’t mean it like-- are you sure--”

“Oh, gee,” you slid past him and out the door.

You ran to the restroom across the hall and into a stall. You wretched and the acid seared your throat. The bile bubbled in the toilet water and you shuddered. You heaved a few more times and rinsed your mouth in the sink.

Andy was waiting for you in the hall, “let me drive you tonight,” he insisted, “even if it’s just a block away.”

“I can’t even say no,” you grumbled as he handed you your purse.

“What’s wrong? You eat something?”

“I think,” you groaned as he held the door open and the cool air outside chilled the sweat on your neck, “urgh, I hope it’s only that.”

You got to his car and fell heavily into the seat. You slumped against the console as he started the car. He paused as the engine idled and felt your forehead. He nudged you back against the seat and turned his hand to press the back of his fingers to your cheek.

“You got a fever,” he said, “I don’t think it’s food poisoning.”

“Oh, those kids carry bugs like rats,” you muttered, “just take me home, I’ll get over it.”

He pulled out of his spot and you closed your eyes. You leaned against the window, frigid against your forehead and hugged yourself. You dozed off before he even turned out of the lot, the belt keeping you from folding over entirely.

🖤

You woke up between fresh linen. The sunlight was soft in its early hues. It wasn't your bed. You rolled onto your side and your stomach ached from how empty it was. You pushed back the thick duvet, you were sweating. You didn't remember more than the car ride and a few fuzzy glimpses of the bottom of a bucket.

You were cold again and pulled the blanket back. The door was open and Andy filled it as if he'd heard your grumbles. He stood at the bottom of the bed in a pair of plaid pants and a blue tee.

"Why am I here?" You asked.

"You fell asleep. You're sick. I couldn't just leave you outside your building," he said, "how are you feeling?"

"Bad," you replied curtly, "I can go," you sat up, "stop by the pharmacy, go hide in my own bed."

"You should stay here," he insisted, "just until the fever breaks."

"Really… ugh," you moaned as your belly clenched, "Andy, I should--"

"Lay down?" He came around and caught your shoulder, "I used to call in sometimes when Jacob was home sick. When he was a lot younger and… I stir up a man cup of noodles."

"You don't have to--"

"It's completely selfish," he interrupted, "it's been a long time since I had someone to take care of or at least it feels like it."

You were light-headed as you tried to stand but he kept you from getting to your feet, "I guess I can stay a little longer."

"Don't act like I don't owe you," he tutted, "now relax. I'll get you some soup. You need something in your system. I got some anti-nausea pills in the cupboard, too."

"Thanks but you don't owe me anything. I'm gonna owe you big."

"Why don't we just call it even then," he backed up, "seeing as that's my bed and my couch, it's really not made for sleeping." He stretched his arms and his shoulders cracked, "especially at my age."

🖤

You stayed another night. You tried to convince Andy to let you take the couch instead but he was a lawyer and rarely lost an argument. It was easier to eat by the evening but you were still dizzy and you couldn't stop yawning. You'd never been so tired.

Despite your uneasiness at overstaying your welcome, you slept more heavily than before. Your guilt didn't keep you awake for long as you sank into a deep sleep and you woke slowly, a murmur escaping your lips as grogginess weighed you down. You were still so very tired but it was already morning.

You stretched and your wrist caught. You winced and tugged at your arm. You sat up in horror as you stared at the metal cuff attached to the hoop drilled into the headboard. You tugged until your arm hurt and your hand throbbed. What the fuck.

"Andy! Andy! What--"

"Shhhhh," Andy hushed you as he entered, "it's okay, you're okay."

"No, I'm not. What did you do?" You pulled again and the metal pinched your skin.

"You're going to hurt yourself," he said calmly.

"Unlock it. Let me go," you struggled as you kicked off the blankets, "Andy, what the fuck?"

"Hey, don't talk like that. It's...nasty."

"I don't understand," you began to pant, "why are you doing this?"

The panic crawled like tendrils up your neck and back. You twisted and pulled but the metal cuff didn't budge. You felt the bed shift and Andy grabbed your shoulder. He forced you down, pinning your other hand beside your head.

"I'm taking care of you," he said, "don't be so ungrateful."

"I can take care of myself. Let me go, please."

"No, you need me," he snarled, "like I need you."

"Andy, you're wrong--"

"Stop!" He covered your mouth, "stop! You don't know what you need. Now be still. Be quiet." He squeezed until your jaw hurt, "don't make this difficult."

He slowly lifted his hand and you didn’t move. You stared at his hand then looked at his face. There was a desperate anger in the depths of his oceanic eyes. He sat back and his jaw clenched as he watched you.

"I'm going to make breakfast. Be good. You need to eat." He backed off the bed and went to the door, "I mean it."

He left you and you listened until pans clinked and clanged in the kitchen below. You folded your thumb against your palm and tried to wiggle free of the cuff. It was too tight. There was only one other way out and you couldn't do it alone.

"HELP! HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE!" You screamed, "someone help me!"

The footsteps hammered up the stairs and Andy stormed in. He grabbed you and clamped his hand over your mouth again.

"Listen, no one can hear you, you got that? Windows are soundproof, but I really don't want to hear it so it's up to you if I gag you."

You blinked and your lip trembled against his hand. Your eyes rounded and you nodded stiffly. He tore his hand away and sighed as he clapped his hands on his legs in frustration.

"Good," he said quietly, "now, let's just hope," he stood and strode to the door, "that the bacon didn't burn."

🖤

You fell asleep again shortly after eating, even with the adrenaline and panic surging through your veins. You woke again in the afternoon. Your limbs were heavy but the fever was gone and your stomach felt better but you were still terribly tired.

Andy was there. He had a leather file in his lap as he looked over papers and scratched his beard. He sensed your movement and looked over at you.

"Hungry?" He asked, "you slept through lunch."

"No," you smelled your sweat on the duvet, "but… can I have a shower? I haven't...since I got here."

"A shower?" He closed the folder and stood. He set it down and pursed his lips as he thought. "Fifteen minutes," he said as he dug around in his pocket, "I'll be here."

He unlocked the cuff and you rubbed your wrist as you sat up. He stayed close as you rose and stayed between you and the bedroom door as he pointed you to the bathroom.

"I don't have much for you to wear yet but you can take another one of my shirts," he said.

You nodded and closed the door between you. You closed your eyes and pressed yourself to the wind. How was this the same man that you spoke to that day at the cemetery?

🖤

He slept beside you that night. You were on your side, your arm bound again by the cuff with the pillow between it and your head. You were uncomfortable, more so with him against your back. He wore only a pair of boxers. You shied away when he undressed and never looked at him again.

You dozed despite your nerves. You couldn't shake the drowsiness. You just felt more and more tired. When you opened your eyes, his arm was around you. He ran his fingers over your stomach, fingers crawling beneath the baggy tee shirt. You shivered and he nuzzled the back of your neck.

"I was thinking… well, I've been thinking for a while now, how happy we could be," he said, "I'm still young enough to try again, do it right and you… you're young, ready." His hand brushed up to your chest and he cupped your tit, "you're kind, you're caring, you're...beautiful. You’re my second chance."

“Andy,” your voice was brittle as your pulse beat furiously, “what you’re doing, it’s not right. You need to let me go.”

He went rigid and his hand stopped. He unsnaked his arm from around you and the springs coiled as he fell heavily onto his back. In the silence, you could only hear his steady breaths and a low growl.

“No, I’m helping you,” he said, “like you’ve helped me.”

“Andy, please,” you eased onto your back and looked over at him, “this isn’t how you fix this.”

“How do I?” he snarled, “huh? How? You don’t know!” he sat up and glared down at you, “you can’t know.”

“You think hurting me is helping me? That’s what you’re doing.”

“No, no, no,” he bent his legs as he grasped his head and gripped it as if it would crack, “No! I haven’t hurt you. I feed you, I keep you clean, I… I take care of you!”

“Andy,” you reached over shakily and touched his bare shoulder, “this isn’t what I want and I know you don’t want it either. You want someone who really loves you--”

“You love me!” he turned so quickly you yelped. He gripped your jaw tightly as he held himself against you, “you love me,” he pressed his lips to yours and you murmured in surprise, “you love me,” it was a maddened chant as he pulled back, “...love me.”

“And--”

His hand flew up to smother you and he lifted himself over you. His knees pressed to your legs until they parted and his other hand explored your curves through the rumpled cotton. You squeaked and tensed against his touch, your wrist chafing from the cuff.

“Shhh,” he hushed as he pushed the shirt up.

He kept his hand on your mouth as he slid down your body and left a trail of kisses along your torso as he unveiled it. He bunched the tee above your chest and bent to dote on your tits. You shuddered and pushed on his head as you mumbled into his palm.

His fingers tickled along your side and hooked into the side of the drawstring shorts he gave you. He tugged until the string snapped and edged them down as he continued to tend to your chest. You kicked around him and felt his bulge as he leaned into you.

He ripped his hand away and sat up. He grabbed the waist of the shorts and wrenched them down your legs, quickly taking his between them again. You wriggled and batted out at his chest as his thumbs pressed against your hip bones and his hands crept down to knead your thighs.

“I can start again,” he brushed his fingers down your vee and you trembled as they danced along your cunt.

“No, Andy, please, you can still stop--”

“Shhhh, honey,” he pushed between your folds and you gasped, “it’s okay. I’ll still take care of you,” he glided over your cunt and made you twitch, “and the baby.”

He poked along your entrance and you whined helplessly as you reached to the cuff and pulled with both arms. Every muscles in your strained as you tried to break free of the headboard. He pushed a finger inside of you and you cried out.

“Andy, stop, please, no--”

He added another finger and slipped them in and out of you as he purred. You looked at his face and it sent a chill through you. His eyes were dark and clung to the movement of his hand, his brow set and his jaw squared with his intent. He wasn’t the grieving widower, he wasn’t the man lost and lonely, he was a monster.

“That’s it,” he turned his hand and flicked your clit with his thumb, “you want me. I feel it.”

You looked away as your wetness spread to his knuckles and along your folds. He kept his thumb moved as he curled his fingers inside of you and the pressure built as the tip of his touch. You gritted your teeth and shook your head helplessly.

“No,” you whispered, “no, no, no…”

He took his hand away suddenly and you felt empty. He lifted himself on his knees and rolled down his boxers. You didn’t look at him, you couldn’t, you only saw the silhouette of his nudity.

He pushed your thighs apart and spread himself over you, his elbow just beside you as he felt around between your bodies. His hot breath grazed your cheek and he kissed it firmly as he angled his tip between your folds. Your thighs clenched around him in a futile act of resistance as he found your entrance.

He pushed inside slowly and brought his other arm up beside you. He forced your head straight and you squeezed your eyes shut. He cradled your head between his hands and his lips brushed yours as he spoke, “open your eyes. Look at me.”

“Andy,” you murmured as he slowly got deeper, “please--”

“Look at me,” he demanded, “look at me!”

Your eyes snapped open and met his stormy blue ones. He bucked his hips and impaled you completely. You exclaimed and grasped his thick bicep in shock, your other hand balled above the cuff. Your legs bent around his thick thighs as you tried to stop him.

“God, you feel so good,” he purred as he began to rock, “don’t I feel good too?”

Your lashes fluttered away the rising tears and you sucked your lip in to keep from making a sound. You could look away as he held your head straight, his hand clamping around your jaw as he other arm bent beneath yours.

The room echoed with the noise of his flesh slapping yours as he sped up, his grunts and groans interlaced with the sickening symphony. You quivered as his pelvis rubbed against yours and stoked the heat in your core. You could not hold back the illicit response of your body as he ravaged it.

Your breath grew heavier and he gulped it down as he kissed you again, forcing his tongue between your lips as he devoured you. The whole bed moved in time with your body and the headboard knocked against the wall as his thrusts came closer and closer together and he buried himself as deep as he could with each tilt of his hips.

He drew his mouth away and pressed his cheek to yours as his muscles tensed and he puffed into the pillow, “this is it, honey. It all starts here.”

“Ah, please…” your voice fizzled and smothered your moan against his shoulder as your body spasmed. Your legs bent around him firmly as you orgasmed and your body arched beneath his desperately.

“That’s it,” he cooed, “that’s it. You take me so well. See… it was meant to… be.”

His breaths grew more rampant with his rhythm. His hand slipped down to cradle your cheek and his thumb stroked your flesh tenderly as he dipped into you over and over. His deep groans grew louder around you. He jerked into you sharply and his motion stuttered. He gripped your hip and held you down as he sheathed himself in your walls.

He quaked as his hips slowed and he flooded you. He exhaled and as his lungs emptied, the strength left him entirely and he lowered himself over you weakly. His body pressed yours into the mattress, your sweat and his turned sticky as the air settled over you.

He stayed like that for what felt like forever. He moved slowly to lift himself up and he sat back, watching his dick slide out of you. Your thighs shook as your legs splayed around him. You felt his cum leak from you and he dragged his fingers along your cunt and scooped it back into you, coating his fingers in as he pushed them past your entrance once more. He smiled at the wet sounds of your cunt.

“That felt like the one,” he said, “but we can try again...”

He pulled his fingers out of you and admired the slickness that glistened over them. He reached down and gripped his dick, half-soft and spent. He winced as he began to stroke himself and let out stifled moans between his teeth.

“Maybe this time,” he purred as he angled himself inside of you again and lifted your legs against his torso. He bit his lips as he trembled, his cock oversensitive and overworked, “as many times as it takes, honey.”

#andy barber #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber #andy barber x reader #one shot #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #defending jacob

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plush-rabbit · 3 years

Text

Straightforward Confessions

Request: Oh ok then maybe when you have time can you do dabi, Bakugo, Tomura and Toga himiko with female s/o who's very straightforward about liking them? Recently I saw a similar request somewhere but unfortunately it looks like it was deleted :( I hope this isn’t too much for you.

A/N: I did this as more of a confession type rather than an established relationship because i feel like they would know if you like them if youre in a relationship with them, so yeah. Sorry if its not what you wanted:P (also i dont know enough about canon bakugo so yeah?)

Bakugo Katsuki:

Katsuki is a bit rough around the edges but he’s growing. He’s maturing and trying to be more of a team player rather than facing everything by himself and trying to prove himself to others. He doesn’t have a secret soft side, but he is kind in his own way. He looks out for his allies and includes them in his plan. He’s admirable, having such a strong goal in mind. But, he’s still one who has focused his entire goal towards becoming a hero, not having time for any romantic relationships.

Telling him your feelings isn’t exactly the best idea. You can never be sure where you stand with him- he isn’t some flirt or tries to attract his classmates in any way so you aren’t even sure if he will return your feelings. The only thing that you can actually rely on is that he won’t spread around the fact that you like him and that he’ll be in his room before the clock even strikes ten. You knock on his door and just like every day and night before, his room is empty, and he’s already dressed in his pajamas.

Your words blurt out before you can even subtly make the conversation about feelings. It’s silent for a minute, his expression is neutral and somehow that makes it harder for you to read, unable to know what he feels- even if it were to be something negative, you just wish you could gauge his reaction. He clears his throat, telling you to leave his room. He’s anything but sweet in your moment of confession and somehow that makes you feel relieved- knowing that what you said doesn’t change anything out of the ordinary, at least that you hope.

He isn’t entirely sure about how to feel towards you or his reaction. He has a restless night, tossing and turning and when he wakes up, he still feels exhausted.The next day, he’s unable to go on about his day like he usually does- he stutters in his insults, his attention drifting back towards you and he’s less than pleased with it all. He’s never used to actually developing feelings for someone and when you came to confess to him, it caught him off guard. He’s unable to tell whether he actually has romantic feelings for you or not.

The next few days consist of Katsuki in his own mind, trying to figure out the feelings that he does have for you. He would rather not leave you in the dark especially when you had the courage to actually confess to him. He walks up to you, calling for your attention and when you meet his eyes, he tells you that he’ll take you out on a date- something simple- enough for him to gauge his feelings for you.

Dabi:

Dabi is a hard individual to read and interact with. He puts on a stoic demeanor, trying to act as if he’s unbothered by the people around him, but he isn’t. He’s crude with his words, not bothering to mince them, self-assured despite how his quirk hurts him, passive-aggressive, making snide comments and grinning widely at the misfortune of others. He’s a being who tries so hard to appear to not care, but the truth is, he cares deeply about those around him, but his views and passions are brighter than his emotions.

Confessing to the cremation villain is easy. He likes being alone for most of the time, retreating to his room and if you were to follow him and request entry, he’d more than likely allow you. When you do so, he only shouts back with an “it’s open” and the door squeaks as you push it open. He raises his hand in a greeting and returns his attention to a magine, the thin pages pressed between his fingertips. When you call his name, he gives you his full attention, arms spread and legs extended, the magazine closed without a bookmark to return him.

It’s surprisingly easy to confess when there are no distractions around. He takes your confession with consideration. His eyes wide and head tilting, only for his features to morph into a wicked grin. He’ll humor you, tell you okay and when you can huff with a disappointed look, he waves his hand away. Once you’re gone, his smile quickly falls, his hand dragging down his face and his head knocking against the wall behind him.

You like him- that’s certainly something new. He isn’t entirely sure of the feelings he has towards you. He rubs his thumb and index finger together, trying to figure out what he does feel about you. He doesn’t want to string you along and give you any false sense of hope. Yet, he’s hardly aware of his own feelings towards you. While he prefers to be alone, he does enjoy spending his time with you and has the habit of trying to impress you when you two are out on mission together. Perhaps it is something akin to a crush or an emotion that mimics yours.

Time passes for him to actually gather his thoughts and feelings into something cohesive. However, during that, he has to avoid you and while that is less than pleasant, he needs to sort out his own feelings first. You were straightforward with him, it’s only right that Dabi confesses to you as you confessed the way to him. He goes to your room, sits beside you and tells you that he also has feelings for you.His eyes are on yours, his hand on his knee with his ring and pinky finger outstretched as if trying to grab your hand.

Shigaraki Tomura:

Tomura isn’t able to gauge feelings well considering he hasn’t had interaction with people other than what All For One allowed near him. He’s a born leader, focused and planning ahead, desperate to be on top. He has a strong will that he set out for himself that makes you believe that he actually has a chance at winning despite the odds. His personality is something painted in gold and you can’t help but want to admire him and want to be with him.

You speak to him in private, hoping that no one else will hear your confession to him. The only thing you can hope for in case of rejection is that he’ll treat you the same. You manage to get him when he’s alone, the door to his closed behind you and you sit beside him, asking him to just listen to what you have to say without interruptions. You tell him that you like him, plain and simple, that you have romantic feelings for him and while he doesn't have to return them, you also wanted to tell him. You don’t mention how you can’t seem to control your beating heart when around him.

New to these types of feelings- especially those that involve something more than friendship or hatred- he’s unsure of how to respond. The silence is enough for you to recognize that he needs to be alone with his thoughts. You pat his knee, telling him that he doesn’t have to respond, but you just wanted to tell him. You give his knee a squeeze and give him a soft smile, standing up and exiting his room, closing the door behind you, leaving a villain alone to fester with their thoughts.

The following days are odd. He’s in a mix between wanting to talk to you and be around you, desperate to figure out what should happen next, but he also wants to avoid you. You left him to fester with his thoughts and he has. It’s a mess of emotions that go on inside of him. He doesn’t know how he feels about you. This group is as close as he’s ever got to friendship and freedom, romance was something completely off the table, discarded and told it was worthless. He’s unsure how to feel about you.

He knows that he likes you, but he isn’t sure if he likes you simply because you’re one of the few who treated him as a person rather than a villain first or if he actually likes you in a romantic sense. Tomura figures he must like you back- he thinks about you constantly, but confessing to you is difficult. But, he doesn’t want you to think of him anything less for being inexperienced with relationships. He comes up to you, his gaze on you, trying not to look away while doing so. He clears his throat, his hand against his neck as he tells you that he does have some sort of feelings for you but that he’s new to anything romantic.

Toga Himiko:

Himiko is an energetic one. She wears her heart on her sleeve, falling for those who have strong hearts and love struck once she does. There’s a lot to like about her- her energy, her excitement, her personality and how she laughs and seems to constantly move when just standing. You were drawn to her, your heart pounding in your chest, and you could only take so much of it before you confessed to her.

Once you confess to her, she is a bit dumbfounded at first. She’ll stare blankly at you for a minute, her head tilted and hands are relaxed as she processes your words. After a moment of silence, she's smiling wide and wrapping her arms around you, her face nuzzling into the crook of your neck. She pulls away, her hands never leaving your body as she comments how happy she is to hear that, and that she returns your feelings. Her lips peck at the corner of your lips, a pink tint dusting across her face as she confirms that you do have feelings for her. She accepts your feelings for her with an open heart, holding your hand tightly and wanting to show off that you two are something more than friends.

After the initial day of feelings being confessed, she’ll avoid you the next day. The night before, she was fine, chatting with you the night before, holding your hand and painting your nails to match hers. The next day, she avoids you. You don't see her in the morning, and nor does anyone else- or at least they merely shrug and mention that she was feeling sick and locked herself in her room.

As a villain, her options for romance are limited and having you confess to her is almost too good to be true. She’s unsure of what to say, of how to even act other than the girl who’s in love. She’ll call for you, shoot you a quick message for you to meet her in her room where she confesses her fears. For once, you see a more serious side of her, her eyes downcast and grin gone, replaced with only a slight frown.

It’s obvious that she likes you as well, returning your feelings, but she’s just so nervous about the relationship- the woulds and the ifs. She wants to be close to you but she also fears that she’ll be too much during it. A reassurance about the relationship moving at a pace comfortable for her calms her worries, her smile gentle and her cheeks tinting with a pink hue. She hugs you tight, her perfume light and sweet like candy as she nuzzles her face into your neck.

291 notes · View notes

anonquack · 3 years

Text

| Red Reunion |

Alex Quackity x Reader, Oneshot!

Word Count: 7157

Warnings: This contains DSMP LORE spoilers (egg lore) and character death is described (no MCD). Angst to fluff. Read at your own risk. Also; curse words (:

Summary: After some time off the DSMP, you make your return, only to find out everything has changed. The person you care most about is not himself anymore, and you're going to do everything in your power to put a smile back on his face. Bring Quackity back to you, and make up all the time lost.

A lot had changed since you were last here. Some parts had been destroyed due to conflicts, others just did not give off the same approachable feeling they used to. Things around the Dream SMP were very different.

As you walked around, in search for something or someone you recognized, your eyes fell upon Bad. He seemed to be rather busy, chatting up a storm with what looked to be Ant. Finally, some familiar faces!

The feeling of relief that rushed over you after seeing Bad made you act on impulse. Before you knew it, you were standing a few steps away from Ant and Bad.

"Bad!?" You called out. The relief slowly dissipated as you got closer. Bad did not look like himself, and neither did Ant. There was something slightly off about them. But it was too late now, their attention was on you.

"Y/N-?" Bad responded, milky eyes widening slightly, at the sight he hadn't seen in what felt like decades. This was Bad. No doubt. You nodded in response and quickly wrapped him into a hug, not caring to think that the time you two spent apart had also put some space between you two. Ignorant to the idea that things had changed.

You felt the tension running through his body as your arms wrapped around him, and decided to pull away after a few seconds. "Hi." You let out, waving at Ant, who seemed just as surprised to see you here.

"Hi-!" Bad and Ant responded. "What are you doing here?" Ant added, confusion clear in his face. Although it stung slightly, it made sense. It had been too long since you last stepped foot on the SMP. Nobody knew when you'd be back, but now you were finally here.

"I'm..back. I missed you all, but it seems stuff has changed." You said, gently scratching the back of your neck in anticipation of their response. They looked at each other before Bad gave you a grin, gently resting his hand onto your shoulder.

"Nonsense. It's nice to see you again, Y/N. I'm actually glad we bumped into you, so we can formally invite you to the Red Banquet! Ant, Ponk, and I will be hosting it, and we'd love to see you there! Think of it as a welcome back party. I'm sure everyone attending would love to see you again. It really has been so long.."

It was a load of information, and it took a bit to fully process everything, but you slowly nodded your head as he spoke to let him know you were listening.

"Red Banquet?" You said once all information he'd thrown at you had been digested. "What's that all about?" Perhaps it was connected to the red vines you'd seen around certain parts of the SMP a few days ago.

Bad simply shook his head. "Just a party we're having in order to attempt to unite everyone again. I'd really love to see you there! But for now, Ant and I have to go. Promise you'll show up?"

He seemed to be in a rush, but you found it very sweet that he wanted to unite everyone again. Classic BadBoyHalo. That'd probably be nice, especially after hearing the rumors that war took place on these lands during your absence.

"Yes, I'll be there." You nodded, a small smile on your lips. He smiled at that as well, nodding and waving his hand a bit as him and Ant walked away.

"Oh-! And wear Red please!!" He called out before slowly disappearing out of your sights. You nodded even though he couldn't see you, and smiled to yourself once you were all alone.

Maybe things weren't so different. Maybe this Red Banquet would help you reconnect with all your friends, all the people you'd accidentally left behind. It was the perfect time for apologies and reconciliation. The Red Banquet would do just that for you.

It was finally the day of the Red Banquet. Although on short notice, you'd managed to find an outfit that fit the dress code, even if just a little. You looked yourself over once more before heading off to the location Bad and Ant had given you.

As you got closer, you started to notice more people, and some familiar faces. It made you happy to see they were okay, but you were also dreading the confrontation.

Would they be angry at you for leaving? Would they even want to see you? Did they even remember you? So many questions were floating around in your head until you spotted a certain person.

Puffy.

She was curiously looking around at everyone too, admiring the wonderful outfits everybody had picked out for today.

Although a bit hesitant at first, you finally made your way over to her. As you got closer, her gaze went towards you.

Her eyebrows raised slightly, perhaps in confusion, followed by her eyes widening when she realized who she was looking at.

"Hi Puffy." You said with a small wave, voice timid and unsure. Her eyes were wide as she took in the sight of you, unable to believe it really was you standing in front of her.

"Y/N-?" She responded, stepping towards you. You nodded and gave another wave. You were cautious since you didn't know if she hated your guts or was just surprised to see you back.

"Oh wow- hi!! It's been so long!" She exclaimed, finally taking all the information in. "I couldn't believe it was really you-!"

You took a few steps towards her and eventually you both enveloped each other into a hug. It felt so nice to see old friends again, and it felt even better knowing there was no resentment towards you.

After pulling away from the hug, you both smiled at each other before she grabbed your arm and began taking you around to greet everybody else.

Everyone was welcoming, more shocked than anything else at the fact you were back. It made the uneasiness in your stomach go away.

But not quite. You hadn't bumped into the person you wanted to see the most. He was nowhere in sight. Knowing that he could be anywhere, that you could bump into him at any second, kept you on edge.

"Uh, Puffy?" You called out to the woman beside you, calmly waiting for the banquet to start. She turned her attention towards you, eyebrows raised slightly to notify you that she was listening. "Do you know if Quackity is going to show up?" You asked, trying your best to hide your anxiousness and replace it with a casual tone.

She seemed to be thinking about it for a bit before shrugging. "I'm not sure. Maybe Bad invited him? I don't see why he wouldn't!" Her response was brief, but it made sense. Bad had said he wanted to make peace with everyone, unite them once and for all. He had to show up. He had to.

The Red Banquet was going well. You were currently seated at the table, everyone happily listening to the toasts that were being made, waiting for the moment where they could finally enjoy the soup placed in front of them.

So far, the day had consisted of drinks, music, dancing, and laughs. Everyone seemed to be getting along quite well, and it seemed that Bad's plan of uniting everyone was working.

As pleasant as the night seemed, one thing was still bothering you. He was still nowhere in sight, and you were losing hope of finding him here.

The fear of him not showing up tonight, or perhaps that you two would never cross paths again was threatening to cloud your senses, but today was the day everyone let bygones be bygones. Those fears would have to wait until after you left the Banquet.

For now, you watched in adoration as individuals stood from their seats and began their speeches regarding the bright futures they saw in store for all present. The idea that all conflict, which you hadn't even learned half of, would be forgotten and replaced with nothing but friendship. Their speeches were wonderful and left you in a happy daze.

But the happy daze did not last.

You were staring at your bowl of soup absent-mindedly when a loud scraping of a chair against the floor caught your attention. Your head snapped up, trying to see what was wrong, and immediately you noticed that everyone was up, shocked and reproaching Bad.

You looked around in confusion before noticing the walls of lava closing in on you all. Your eyes scanned the room before finding Bad, Ant, Ponk, and even Hannah in full gear. You couldn't even process what was happening as everybody was shouting at each other.

What in the hell had happened?

The only words registered by you were "sacrifice" and "egg", none of which made sense. Why was Bad doing this? This was not Bad. He was not like this. He was willing to sacrifice the lives of his friends for.. for whatever the Egg was. Was it the vines circling around the SMP? The Red vines circling the very place where the Red Banquet was taking place? What the hell happened while you were gone?

There was nothing you could even do, no one had weapons besides Bad and his group, and suddenly Bad's request for no one to come armed made sense. To the innocent minds, it would appear he just wanted a peaceful banquet. But now it was obvious he wanted no one to have the ability of fighting back against his plans.

It seemed like your time here had come to an end. Bad was going to sacrifice his friends right here and now. No failed attempts to harm the egg were gonna stop them. Nothing was.

Nothing was stopping Bad or Ant from killing in front of everyone. The speeches meant nothing. Foolish meant nothing to them besides a sacrifice to the Egg. You'd never heard Puffy let out such cries and screams. The blood that was dripping onto the stone floor from where Foolish was sacrificed would be something you saw in your nightmares from now on.

It seemed helpless. Everyone was practically lined up, waiting for death to arrive for them.

Until he barged in.

There was no mistaking that voice. There was no mistaking the way his presence took over the room, called for everyone's attention and demanded it stay there. It was him. He was here. He was going to save everyone.

Your eyes were glued to him as he cautiously walked closer to Bad, calling out to him and trying to get the older to come to his senses, get him to stop whatever nonsense he was trying to do tonight.

Part of you felt bad about completely forgetting the betrayal that had taken place tonight, and instead feeling ecstatic that Quackity was here, in the flesh.

The guilt began seeping in as you heard the people around you yelling out their thoughts, heard how pained and tired they sounded in regards to what Bad was doing, and probably because of all they've been through as well.

You escaped your own thoughts once Puffy charged at Ant, and a whole fight broke out between everyone. It was all too much to take in, it was all happening too fast. Ant was dead because of Puffy, Bad and the rest of his group had gotten away, and the rest of the guests were visibly shaken up.

And then there was him, curses leaving his lips, and a harsh scowl on display. It was clear with his facial expressions that he was beating himself up for letting Bad escape. You watched as he gave orders for Purpled to try and follow after Bad, try to get a sense of where he'd gone off to. And then his attention was returned to the guests.

His eyes flitted through the crowd, and you could feel yourself attempting to shrink. The idea of talking to him was nerve-racking, but necessary. He soon began to lead everybody out of the hole Bad had dragged them into. As soon as the bright light of day was visible again, the guests began to break out into cheers. Some crying over the fact that they were scared they'd never get to see this sight again.

As he checked to make sure everyone was okay, you decided it was the perfect time to approach. His back was facing you as you made your way towards him, too busy ensuring everyone made it out to notice the faint footsteps approaching him.

"Quackity?" You called out, feeling your mouth turn dry so quickly, scared of what to say next. You could see his shoulders stiffen, tension rising in the air before he turned around slowly. The look of disbelief and bewilderment in his eyes was something you'd never forget.

Now that he was so close, you took a moment to examine his facial features. This was not the Quackity you remembered. The Quackity you knew had bright, cheerful eyes. He had a cheeky smile on his face, always getting himself into trouble.

No, this Quackity was nothing like that. The bright, cheerful eyes were gone, now replaced by rather dull looking ones, and a scar across one of his eyes. The smile was also gone, lips slightly parted now, words dying on the tip of his tongue at the sight of you. Even his clothes were different. The blue sweater was gone, now replaced by rather formal wear.

A look of pain flashed across his face before quickly disappearing and getting replaced by the same stoic expression from earlier. "Y/N." He stated. Hearing him say your name ignited something within you, but it was nothing like before. A frown quickly took over your features as you struggled to find what to say in return.

"How have you been?" It was so dumb. There were so many better things that could've been said but that's what came out of your mouth at that moment. You watched as he stared before lightly rolling his eyes. "Now's not the time to catch up. I've got shit to do." He stated bluntly. He only maintained eye contact for a few more seconds before he walked away, approaching Technoblade to discuss what you could only assume was related to Bad.

You could hear your heart breaking inside your chest. He definitely hated you, and you couldn't really blame him. You'd left and returned to a broken Quackity. He clearly had gone through some shit, if his scars weren't telling. He was a changed man, and for you to try and waltz back into his life was fucked up. You knew that. But fuck. It hurt way more than you thought it would.

You'd considered what it'd be like, an alternate reality where Quackity hated your guts, and it seemed bad. But it was nothing quite compared to the real thing. This was your reality now.

You watched as he walked off, a dumbfounded yet hurt look on your face. You felt the sting in the back of your eyes as you tried holding it in until later. You were biting down on the inside of your cheek, eyes glued to his back before you turned, deciding to head back to what you deemed your home for now.

This Red Banquet had gone quite the opposite of what you expected, and had ended with your heart aching because the only person you truly cared about now despised you. You couldn't wait to get home and crawl into bed.

—

It'd been a week or two since the incident. Tension was still high, but everyone was making an effort to try and let things go back to normal.

You were too. You couldn't stay in bed forever, as pleasant as that seemed, so that meant going out and about.

This didn't necessarily mean productivity. You needed time to let your heart and mind heal, so a stroll around the SMP would do for now.

You took your time, quietly admiring the bright and colorful flowers that decorated certain areas, the beautiful builds that were built in your absence, and how the SMP was still bustling even after such incidents.

Your gaze followed your feet, and the way the grass crunched and bent under your shoes. Your gaze jumped from flower to flower, different colors catching your attention. Different.. people. A person.

Quackity.

Shame and fear took over your body as you looked at him from afar. After your last exchange, you were hyper aware on the fact he did not wish to speak to you anymore. And yet your paths had somehow crossed again.

You felt yourself let out a breath you didn't even know you'd been holding in. Approaching him again would be a grave mistake. But it could be a mistake you dwell on after. Your mind was going so fast as you considered the pros and cons of approaching him at this very moment.

It was the fear of 'What If' that made you do it. You let out another shaky breath, trying to calm yourself before approaching.

"Quackity!" You called out as you made your way over to him. He was currently slumped over, eyes fixated on the ground, face hidden from your view.

He looked torn, as if life had taken every single bit of happiness from him. As you got closer, you came to a halt, not wanting to alert him.

"Quackity?" You called out again, the nerves slowly reappearing and engulfing you with concern.

Once he looked up, his brown eyes met yours, and you were stunned at the beauty of them. The sunlight shone so beautifully and accentuated the light and dark browns that made up his irises.

Your gaze moved from his eyes to the scar that now rested on said eyes. Your gaze softened, a small frown on your lips at the realization that he'd probably been through so much these last few months.

"What happened?" You asked, hands acting on instinct, reaching out for his face. At that moment, you witnessed him put space between you two, a bewildered look in his eyes. You felt your heart break into smithereens.

"Y/N-?" He said, the shock clear in his tone. The reaction seemed to be instinctual, not because it was you. You nodded your head fervently, before responding softly, "Yes, it's me. Hi." You saw his expression soften, but his walls quickly came back up.

"Hey." He stated coldly, eyes averting in order to avoid eye contact. You looked around for a bit, unsure of what to do before sitting down a few feet away from him in order to ensure he didn't feel uncomfortable with your presence.

When he saw that you weren't leaving, his eyes narrowed and looked over at you. When you made eye contact again, you gave him a small smile before speaking again. "Are you alright..? What... what happened-? With everything and everyone."

He rolled his eyes at the question, deciding to give short and dry answers. "A lot has happened." Your shoulders slumped slightly, not really knowing what else you expected. Certainly not a hug and a sermon explaining all events, but not this.

"I'm‐" you paused, eyes looking down at the grass and carefully ripping some of it off as you wondered how to phrase it. "I'm really sorry for leaving, Quackity. I.. I didn't think so much would happen in my absence. Especially to you." You looked up, eyes instinctively going to stare at the scar that now rested on his face.

His brown eyes met yours, examining you and taking in the apology. There was silence for a moment before he let out a shaky sigh. "You don't know half the shit I went through. Without you here." A pang of guilt struck your chest as he averted his eyes from you.

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry for leaving you, Quackity. I wouldn't have if I knew they'd.. that.. that this would happen." You stumbled on your words, anxiousness and guilt eating at you as you saw his expressions morph between pain, anger, and sadness.

He remained silent for a bit before shaking his head, "Well, can't really change the past, can we? What's done is done." His voice sounded stoic, face now void of any expression. You opened your mouth to respond but quickly closed it as you watched him begin to stand up.

A slight panic ran through you as you stumbled onto your feet as well. Too slow, though, Quackity was already on his way to who knows where. You were left to stare at his back once again.

There was a warmth spreading through your chest that you hadn't acknowledged until now. He had spoken to you, he'd taken the time to listen to what you had to say rather than shutting you out completely like before. Was this progress?

Didn't matter, because that's exactly what you were gonna call it. And this certainly wasn't the last he'd be seeing of you.

–

"Where has he been staying?" You asked as you took a sip of the drink offered to you by Puffy.

"None of us are really sure. He kind of dropped off the face of the SMP after Karl and the rest of 'em left." She was once again speaking of this as if it was the most casual of topics. Known to everybody but you. That was probably true.

Karl and the rest of them. Was that referring to Sapnap and George? That meant he didn't tag along with them, which told that he'd been off on his own. Had he really been alone this whole time?

You'd left, thinking he'd be okay with his friends. Only for him to be left with battle scars, and those very friends being the ones to leave him as well. A small frown etched itself onto your face as you thought of how difficult it must've been. Just imagining him out there on his own was enough to make your skin crawl and your heart shatter. It wasn't right at all.

"So you don't know where he's staying? He just made an appearance at Bad's banquet by chance?"

She took a moment to think before responding, "Not sure exactly where he lives, but I know the general area of where he hangs out. Seen him there multiple times." She paused and looked you up and down before giving a pitiful look. "Do you plan on continuing to seek him out?"

You nodded your head without hesitation. "Yes. I missed him terribly and just hearing what's happened, and seeing how it left him.. I want to fix things with him." There was a determined look on your face, huge contrast to the worried look Puffy was now giving you.

It went unnoticed by you though, too focused on getting Quackity to smile again. To hand him the happiness he deserves.

–

The third time your paths crossed was near the area you'd last found him. He was sharpening his sword, too preoccupied to notice you approaching again. This time, you alerted him of your presence at a safe distance, not wanting to accidentally get stabbed.

His eyes met yours, full of surprise before going stoic again. You smiled and waved lightly as you approached. You took a seat near him once again, basking in the silence, no other greeting given by either of you.

To you, this was progress. He wasn't necessarily welcoming you with open arms, but he wasn't telling you to fuck off either. You busied yourself with the grass beneath you, gently ripping out some grass blades, and occasionally glancing towards him.

The glances were mutual, you'd catch him glancing towards you every once in a while, eyes quickly averting after getting caught. A small smile appeared on your lips as you continued looking around.

It wasn't long before you realized it was getting dark. His attention was still on the sword, glances still happening here and there, as if the words would die on his tongue if he dared to break the silence. This gave you the confidence to speak again.

"It's getting dark. How much longer will you be out here?" You tilted your head slightly, eyes focused on him. His eyes met yours for a split second, probably startled by your voice.

He looked down at his sword before looking out at the sky. "Not sure. Almost done with this, so.. maybe until then." His voice sounded heavenly to your ears. This entire afternoon had been spent in peaceful silence, so it was a welcome change.

"Then.. I'll stick around until you're done." You declared, a small smile on your lips as you watched him. He raised a brow before rolling his eyes.

"You don't have to. I don't know why you stuck around this long in the first place." He murmered, eyes focusing back on the sword that rested on his lap.

"Because I wanted to spend time with you." You admitted, voice small.

It was physically difficult to actually voice your thoughts and intentions, especially after realizing it might upset him, no matter how true your words were.

You were unfortunately right.

He looked up, attention no longer on his sword, instead on you. There was a look of disbelief on his face. "Stop." He stated, a tone that told you it was a warning, that he wasn't messing around. But you had to push, take your chances. A gamble, perhaps.

"I mean it." You responded, not missing a beat. The tension slowly rose between you two, eyes not parting from each other. You watched as the peaceful look left his eyes, replaced with pure frustration.

"Just because you're here now doesn't mean it makes up for the shit you did. Being here won't win me back, it won't make me forgive you, so stop wasting your fucking time."

He was pushing you away again. Maybe silence would've lead to a happier end to the day. Maybe you both could've silently parted ways once it got darker, but instead you were sat across from each other, tension rising and hearts beating fast against chests.

"I just‐" you paused, gently biting the inside of your cheek, looking for a way to phrase it, but coming back empty-handed. "I miss you." It was out, he knew now, and your heart was left exposed, bare and fragile. He could break it any second now.

He scoffed, before standing up and carefully putting away his sword. He didn't dare respond, gaze leaving yours and instead focusing on the path to wherever he seemed to call home.

You watched him leave, an activity that you seemed to be doing often recently, before falling onto your back and letting out a groan of frustration. Your hands came to cover your eyes, gently rubbing at them, mentally telling yourself not to cry. It would be okay.

His current attitude would not scare you away. You'd continue trying, show him that you really did care, and weren't planning on leaving again. Maybe he'd see your efforts and consider giving you a second chance, perhaps he wouldn't. You were hoping the first choice was the outcome.

–

Quackity fell onto his bed with a loud thud, hands going to cover his face in frustration. He wasn't sure what to do, but he did feel a bit bad about lashing out on you everytime you'd interacted with him. The first time he'd seen you again, he felt a warmth spread across his chest. He was happy to see you again, but the harsh truth of your absence when he needed you most made the moment bittersweet.

To him, it seemed dumb that you were trying to reconnect with him. Why, after disappearing for so long, and leaving him behind just like how everybody else he cared about had done.

What if he let you back in, and you left again? He didn't think he could handle that pain again. Hearing you say you missed him had been his breaking point. His immediate response was to push as hard as he could, get you to leave before he could get attached again. If he was alone, he wouldn't have to worry about anybody leaving him.

But as he lay in bed, hands shielding him from the bright lights that illuminated the room, he took in the tone of your voice. How small it had sounded when you admitted you missed him. He thought about how you'd approached him three times now, even if he pushed you away. Would you still come back? Even after he basically told you to stop wasting your time with him? He didn't know.

It was far too much thinking for him. At least for tonight. He quietly admired the sharpness of his sword before turning off the lights and deciding to finally get some rest.

–

His questions were answered the next time he was out and about. He'd been on his way to a shop when he caught sight of you sitting at a table with a small bag settled on top. He averted his eyes and continued walking before he heard the sound of your voice, calling out to him.

He was surprised, to say the least. He looked over at you, saw you waving him over, pointing at the bag with a small smile. He hesitated, unsure if he could even face you after what had happened last time, but slowly made his way over anyway.

"Hi." You greeted, soft smile still on your lips as he came closer. "Sit." You gestured to the seat across from your own. You'd been out shopping and had stopped for some snacks along the way. You were resting at the table but luckily caught sight of him and figured this was a chance to talk to him again.

He looked down at the seat before hesitantly sitting down. "Hi." He said back, not nearly as confident as yours had sounded. You signaled at the bag, opening it and showing him the freshly baked pastries you'd picked up not too long ago. "Want one?" You offered.

Simply opening the bag gave out a pleasant smell, and it made it difficult to resist a pastry, even if it meant having to sit with you for a moment. He reached into the bag, taking one before slightly bowing his head. "Thank you." He simply stated, before taking a bite of the pastry.

The sight warmed your heart. It reminded you of the times you'd both share a meal, it could be anywhere, but any food either of you had would be shared with laughs and jokes interrupting each bite. It reminded you of when he didn't have any resentment towards you.

"Is it good?" You asked, and he only gave a small nod, hand covering his mouth in an attempt to chew politely. You smiled at that before letting a small sigh escape your lips. "I'm sorry about last time. It was probably fucked up on my part to suddenly push that on you."

He paused, eyes not leaving his hands as he processed what you'd just said. Were you really apologizing? After he'd been an asshole to you at every encounter. He looked up at you before reaching into the bag again for another pastry, out of habit and familiarity with moments like these back then.

"I'm sorry too." He started, avoiding eye contact. "I was a bit mean, and maybe you didn't really deserve it." His eyes went towards yours, wanting to see a reaction after receiving nothing but silence.

He was met with the sight of a warm smile on your face, he could feel the warmth you were radiating from where he was seated.

"You don't have to apologize to me, Quackity. I understand why you reacted that way. I do wish you'd see I mean the things I say though. Really." He took another bite out of the pastry before slowly nodding, notifying you that he was listening to what you were saying.

This could definitely be counted as progress, right? You were sharing a snack with him, and he'd apologized even if he didn't need to. The thought alone returned the smile to your face as you leaned onto your hand and stared at him quietly.

"What?" He said after a moment, staring back at you. You shrugged, "Just happy to see you again."

His cheeks flushed slightly, perhaps out of embarrassment, not used to your sappy self after months of its absence. His state made you let out a chuckle as you reached over to grab a pastry as well.

You two shared the pastries and a few other snacks you'd bought for some time until he stated he had to go get what he wanted in the first place, before you'd called him over and asked him to sit with you. You nodded and waved him goodbye, telling him it was nice seeing him again, to which he reacted to by averting his eyes and walking away. You smiled to yourself as you watched him leave. Progress.

–

After the reconciliation through pastries, you'd crossed paths with Quackity a few more times, each being less tense than the last.

Days passed where you'd cross paths with each other, and it gave you the opportunity to make conversation, maybe pester him for an hour or two, subtly letting him know that you were here to stay. To which he responded by pushing.

Quackity pushed you away as much as he could at first, but with each passing day it became more and more evident that he was softening up. It was progress. He was getting accustomed to your company again, and he wasn't really pushing you away either.

It had taken a while to get to where you currently were, but you'd do it a million times over just to spend time with him again. To be this close to him, like you used to be.

You were giving him your undivided attention as he spilled what had happened during your absence, and it was taking everything in your power to not immediately wrap your arms around him. Hearing everything he'd been through, how others had treated him, how he got his scars, and how he was left behind.. it was all so, so infuriating. It made you mad at yourself, most of all.

You couldn't help but wonder if things would've been different if you hadn't left. Perhaps you could've fought alongside him, stopped any harm from coming his way. Perhaps you could've provided him with company when he felt so alone, like the world would swallow him whole.

It definitely would've been different if you hadn't left.

But there was no point in dwelling over the past, is what you told yourself. What mattered now was that you were here, sitting across from him as he opened up to you for the first time in so long. He looked so vulnerable, eyes never meeting yours as he spoke of his experiences. You couldn't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be.

When he finished, he finally looked up at you, bottom lip caught between his teeth out of anxiousness and sadness. You scoot closer, noticing him visibly tense and relax, all within a few seconds. Your movements were slow, as to not scare him away.

You lifted your hand towards his face, as you had during one of your first encounters, and slowly moved it closer. "Can I?" You said, voice timid. He gave a small nod, and you gently cupped his face, thumb rubbing gentle circles onto his cheek before softly tracing over the scar. It felt oddly intimate, being this close to him, being able to touch him after so many months of yearning his presence.

You could feel his body tense, not used to anyone doing this in quite some time. But after a bit, his eyes closed and he melted into your hand, letting you gently caress his cheek and his scar. You came closer, body close to his. You could feel the body heat coming off of him, oh how you'd missed the feeling.

The sensation alone threatened to bring tears to your eyes. He was really here, the Quackity you missed and loved. He'd let you back in.

"I'm so sorry, Quackity. So sorry you went through this. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere, no matter how hard you try to get rid of me. I'm right here." You reassured, continuing to draw small circles on his cheek with your thumb. His eyes looked up to meet yours, and you could feel your heart stop at the sight of his pretty eyes. He was tearing up too.

You gave him a small smile before wrapping your arms around him. All composure had left you, too preoccupied with comforting the man who'd experienced too much pain and suffering.

Your breath hitched as you felt his arms wrap around you as well, tight. The fear of being abandoned clear with the way his arms held onto you for dear life. Your shoulder felt wet, but you didn't care one bit. This was everything you'd hoped for since you first laid eyes on him again. His company, and his forgiveness. For him to know you'd be here, and wouldn't leave anymore.

After what felt like decades, you finally pulled away, eyeing him over to ensure he was alright before gently cupping his face again. This time with both hands, you wiped away any remaining tears, giving him a small smile to tell him it'd be okay from now on.

He seemed ashamed, perhaps he felt too vulnerable. You lightly directed his gaze back on you before leaning in and placing a small kiss on his cheek where the tear stains had been. You watched as his eyes fluttered shut, an invitation for you to continue. And so you did, placing small kisses all over his face, lips gently ghosting over his scar, giving him the affection he'd yearned for.

This continued for a bit before he let out a shaky sigh. You gave him a worried look, to which he simply shook his head. "It's nothing, just.. taking all of this in." You visibly relaxed at the sight of a small smile on his lips. "I can't believe you're actually here. That you came back and dealt with my shitty attitude just to get back to how we used to be."

"You had your reasons to react that way, please don't blame yourself." You responded calmly, thumb continuing to rub soothing circles onto his cheek. "Plus.. you know I'm not giving up on you, right? No matter how much you try and push me away." You grinned at him, to which he rolled his eyes.

"You're very persistent, I'll give you that." He said, relaxing further into your touch. "I'm.. I'm glad you didn't give up on me."

The grin softened into a small smile. "I could never. How about we head back to your place. You hungry?" To which he only gave a small nod as an answer. You stood, extending your hand for him to grab in order for him to get up.

Once he was up, he didn't let go, and neither did you, which made you beam at him before letting him lead the way back to what he now called home. You both walked hand in hand, no further talking needed. Once you both got there, a small dinner was made, followed by the softest and comfiest cuddles either of you had gotten in a long, long time.

—

Every single moment leading up to this was worth it. You sat in a flower field in the SMP, currently undisturbed by any of the other residents, with Quackity's head resting on your lap. You gently ran your fingers through his hair, fixing any strands that managed to poke out of his beanie after he put it on, and simply enjoying the view.

And that isn't in reference to the flower field. He looked stunning, basking in the sun with the cutest smile on his face, trying to take a nap as you made small conversation here and there, telling him about something meaningless Puffy had told you during one of her visits.

Prior to this very moment, both of you had been enjoying a picnic at this very field you were currently at. And now, you were just enjoying each other's presence. As he rested his head on your lap, you took a moment to look at all the flowers around you two.

There was a poppy nearby, the red on the petals stood out to you. Carefully picking it off its place on the soil, you made sure it was clean before gently tucking it behind his ear. The red stood out wonderfully against his skin and dark black hair.

His eyes soon opened, a confused look etched onto his face as he wondered what you'd just done. His hand reached up to gently pat the spot before stopping completely at the feeling of the flower. A small smile appeared on his lips, before he playfully rolled his eyes. You smiled back at him as he carefully sat up, not wanting the flower to fall off.

"It looks cute on you." You murmered, focused on the way the red looked in his hair. He hummed, bringing your attention back towards him. He was picking a poppy off the ground as well, lazily handing it over to you. Even with his tired smile on his face, he still looked so cute.

You smiled, taking it from his grasp. "Thank you." You quirked up, leaning in and placing a delicate kiss onto his lips, his lips moving perfectly against yours. You pulled away with a content smile before falling back onto the blanket you'd both been sitting on.

He mirrored your actions, falling back as well. You both stared up at the sky for a few moments before his gaze fell back on you. At the feeling of a gaze on you, you turned to look at him as well.

"What?"

"Thank you."

Warmth was radiating within you at that very moment. The person who meant the absolute most to you, the one who'd been through so much, was finally able to smile again. He was able to breathe freely, he was free of all his worries.

Quackity deserved the world, he deserved to feel safe and needed, wanted. And you were more than willing to risk and give everything you could in order to provide that. But for now, cuddles, kisses, and a nap under a bright blue sky would suffice for the both of you.

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angelguk · 4 years

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this prompt: jock!jaykay and namjoon running into each other at a party or sth and namjoon being like ‘you finally grow a pair and ask oc out yet?’ and jks just like 😧 and joons like ‘seriously dude? 😑 i’ve been waiting for you to ask her out since before i even dated her’. but make it more angst!!! namjoon is kind of an asshole here. there’s smoking, drinking and jk getting a brief lapdance. oc is a LIAR. jaykay deep in his feels tbh. roughly 1.5k. listen to all i wanted by paramore

Jeongguk's crossed too many paths with people during his life to remember every face his eyes have ever seen. But there’s one he will never forget, no matter how hard he tries to scrub the memory from his brain, ignore the muted forlorn twang in his heart, the low ache that ebbs from the base of his skull. It sparks up again despite years of never seeing the individual who caused the problem. How could he forget those broad shoulders? The sharp analytic eyes. The man whom you’d attached yourself too for a good chunk of your joint high school careers. It surprises him, honestly, because Jeongguk’s got a girl grinding on his lap but his eyes are locked on Namjoon, ears trailing after the sound of his deep laugh instead of the sweet nothings Nayeon (or Naeun, or Nayoung — he can’t fucking remember) is murmuring into the hollow of his neck.

For one, he’s fucked out of his mind. Taehyung probably laced the joint; he liked doing that shit even when it messed up Jeongguk’s trip. He should have known not to take a hit, but he was already ten shots in and nothing sounded better than smoke in his lungs. Maybe not nothing. This girl feels good in his hands, responds to the lightest of his touches, moans in his ear like she wants him to fuck her.

He could. He has before. Probably. She knows exactly where to nip his neck for this to have not been a repeat hook-up. But in the haze of the low living room lights and the spinning headiness of the drinks he’d downed, he couldn’t make out her face. It’d shift and twist and turn into an image that almost makes him want to cry because, at some angles, when the shadows form right, he thinks he can see your face. It could be you in his lap, you whimpering whenever your crotches aligned just right, you clinging to him like the sun hangs onto the evening sky.

But it’s not.

And for some unfathomable reason, Jeongguk’s ruined mind recognises that sucks.

Because it should be you.

He doesn’t know how he gets that girl off. Probably some lie that he needed to pee. In reality, he needed to breathe, because those thoughts surface with malicious intent, purposefully drawing him closer to deep dangerous waters. If he’s not careful he could easily drown, suffocated by desires he can’t even string together into a comprehensible sentence.

The night air hits sharp, seeping through his loose shirt. It grounds him enough for his steps to stabilise, feet following a slow trudge to the edge of the balcony. He doesn’t even know whose house this is. Somebody he’s probably never met honestly. But he wanted you to come. Everyone was coming out tonight. Even your elusive roommate Sohee was somewhere in some bathroom with a head between her thighs. You probably are doing that too, to be far. Even the name evokes bile from his throat, bitter and violent, full of jealousy he’d never really learnt to contain.

Lee Eunwoo. A graphic design major. Slightly taller than Jeongguk (only when Jeongguk is having a bad day) and somehow he can make you giggle like he’s getting paid for it.

You’d mentioned it so softly that Jeongguk didn’t even hear it at first. But then your cheeks had heated up, that stupid sparkle melting through your gaze. You wanted to spend the night with him, take advantage of an empty apartment, perhaps watch a movie or two.

It's obvious that you were going to sleep with him. The thought itself irked something visceral inside of Jeongguk. But he’d given you an easy smile, laughed at the modesty of your demeanour and wished you well with a tight hug. The same low buzzing of frustration that he got when you were with Namjoon was already waning through his system as he completed his sets at the gym with more force than needed.

Which is why he can’t help but release a bitter laugh into the night. Ironically, Namjoon was here while you were getting your back blown out by another idiotic guy Jeongguk did not like.

“What’s so funny?”

He can’t spin around to face him, Jeongguk knows he’ll throw up if he does. But he can’t forget a timbre like that. Not when you nearly wrote a poem about how wonderful Kim Namjoon’s voice was. A poem which you recited to Jeongguk before he begged you to rip it to shreds and never talk about again.

(Subconsciously Jeongguk had adopted a deeper voice whenever he talked to you since then. It came out more when he was drunk, but it’s not like you paid any attention anyway).

“Nothing,” he returns. He hopes Namjoon gets the hint and goes away. The bastard joins him on the balcony instead.

“No, seriously, what’s funny? You look like you’ve got a lot going on in your head.” Namjoon was always so concerned in talking about emotions and putting your feelings into words. It’s one of the reasons why you loved him and probably reason one thousand why Jeongguk hated him.

“Hello to you too, Kim Namjoon. Don’t you think we should catch up on the pleasantries before you start psychoanalysing me?” He retorts, forcing his gaze onto the other man. Namjoon looks good; golden skin, broad shoulders and his hair cropped short. There’s an ease to him that Jeongguk could never replicate no matter how hard he tried. Perhaps that’s what happens when you’re born sure of yourself. Like Namjoon was.

The laugh he receives is empty. Namjoon is busy rifling through his pockets, fingers emerging with a joint and a lighter. “Nice to see you too, Jeon. Didn’t think I’d ever bump into you after high school but the universe works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?” The jay slips between his lips, followed by a swift flick of the lighter before a deep inhale that Jeongguk swears he feels in his lungs. The smoke floats out pretty, fading into wisps of nothing but grey as the breeze sweeps it away. Namjoon offers it cordially, a simple raise of his defined eyebrows and even though Jeongguk’s legs are melting through the floor he can’t say no.

“You sure?” The doubt tinting his tone makes him take it. His overestimation in his maintenance capabilities leads to a rather rough inhale, and an even worse hacking cough that he wants to be mortified at because Namjoon fucking laughs. But he can’t when the world feels like air in his fingertips, slowly slipping away. Almost like you feel at times.

“You should stop taking the shit Taehyung rolls. I don’t even know what he slips in there but last time I smoked with him I thought I was on Mars.”

“Taehyung offers, I never ask.”

“You never ask for anything to be frank.”

“What?”

“You heard me,” Namjoon returns, smoke falling from his lips.

“Yeah, I fucking did. I was giving you the chance to pretend you didn’t say it.” Jeongguk’s all in his space in an instant, the itch to smash Namjoon’s face tingling beneath his skin. Namjoon doesn’t even back up, gracing Jeongguk with a quizzical look that leaves him bewildered. “You don’t fucking know me—"

“I do.” There’s a scoff that riles him up even further. Namjoon’s still incredibly unbothered as he talks. “You think being Y/N’s boyfriend I didn’t hear everything and anything about you? Jeongguk this! Jeongguk that! You know that’s the reason we broke up, right?”

That halts him, a lag in his brain as he attempts to process the words leaving Namjoon’s mouth. The older man just stares at him, the sigh that drifts in between them bordering on pity.

“She didn’t tell you that, did she? Y/N lies about a lot more things than you think, Jeon. Where is she by the way? I’ve seen all her friends but I haven’t seen her.”

“Why would you know her friends?” It’s a stupid question but in the jumble of his thoughts it’s the only thing his mind is capable of plucking out. A question that doesn’t leave him bare and vulnerable like the other one’s racing through his head.

“We don’t have each other blocked on everything. Sometimes we talk,” Namjoon supplies easily. And just like that Jeongguk crumbles. He’s not even aware of it but the first crack spears deep enough to leave the rest of him unstable, wavering as he falters away from Namjoon. You never told him any of this. As far as Jeongguk knew you ended the relationship hating him (a thought that briefly consoled Jeongguk if he’s being truthful). But apparently, you felt comfortable enough to share your life with the person Jeongguk thought hurt you the most.

“Man, fuck you.” It’s a release, to say it. Because honestly fuck Kim Namjoon. In the span of a few short sentences he’s tipped everything he’s ever been sure of upside-down, stomped on Jeongguk’s heart like it was bendable and ducked his head right into the ocean he was afraid of diving it, keeping it under until the water filled his lungs and Jeongguk ceased to function.

Namjoon shrugs, not even looking as Jeongguk stumbles back to the door. He needs to find you, ask how much of Namjoon’s words were true. He doesn’t care if Eunwoo is over he’ll kick him out if need be.

But then Namjoon opens his mouth one more time, the final nail in the coffin.

“You should have asked her out. I was waiting for you to it — she was probably waiting too.”

#jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #yeah yeah this is bad but um! i tired #sorry i took away the wholesome couple trope... i think jj oc and jk have shit to work out tbh #au: jock!jaykay #thank u for the prompt annonie!!#bts x reader #bts angst

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mostlymovieswithmax · 3 years

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Movies I watched in July

Once again I’m doing my monthly round-up of movies I’ve watched. This was a good month for the cinema getting back on track and seeing new releases including the new M. Night movie, Old and James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad. Pretty sure Marvel put out a new movie also. I’m hoping that this list can help in guiding a decision about what to watch (or what to avoid) and introduce people to movies they may otherwise not have heard of or bothered to see. These short reviews are my own subjective opinions on each individual movie and maybe a more informal approach to movie criticism can help include others who are just passing through. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of July.

Bridesmaids (2011) - 4/10

Off to a good start. I won’t say Bridesmaids is a terrible movie but I don’t think I’m exactly the target audience. As far as I know, this is a beloved comedy but I just can’t get on board with all the boring, juvenile humour; with Maya Rudolph shitting in the street, with Rose Byrne and Kristen Wiig trying to one-up each other at a toast that went on forever, with Melissa McCarthy shitting in a sink… the conflict is so done to death and makes the movie feel unspecial. I do understand the appeal of the film, especially for women in that before this movie the likelihood of seeing something like this, where women play up the more crass and gross side of comedy, was probably few and far between. But the story is very tired and while I did appreciate some moments, namely a couple of decent jokes and some of the more intimate scenes, for the most part it felt like they wanted to corner a more quiet type of line delivery in a way that was supposed to be understated but very funny so as to not rely on over the top body language or musical cues, and it ended up being super dull.

Spectre (2015) - 7/10

As far as I can tell, a lot of people don’t like this instalment of the James Bond franchise… but I really enjoyed it! I’ve really taken a shine to these Daniel Craig-era Bond movies and while I can’t say any of them are the most amazing thing, I have a lot of fun with them. The biggest problem I have with Spectre is the villain being utterly pointless and uninteresting in basically every way. The idea of every villain Bond has fought before being tied to this one organisation controlled by this one guy is ridiculous, and what makes it worse is that the villain is barely in it! There’s so much that doesn’t come together in this but as it goes, I still had a really good time. Daniel Craig holds the whole thing together; he is excellent as 007 and the main reason I’m up for each of these movies is because of him. Sam Mendes directs again after the previous instalment and for what it’s worth I do think he does a good job with some of the action set pieces and the locations. I’m so ready for No Time To Die.

Shazam (2019) - 7/10

Shazam is a genuinely fun superhero movie that doesn’t take itself seriously at all. I was having a great time throughout and while it could conform to some of the same tropes we’re used to with these kinds of movies, it still remained playful and used the character of Shazam to his fullest potential in a way that showed an understanding of just how silly the idea of a kid who can turn into an adult and shoot lightning out of his hands is.

High School Musical (2006) - 6/10

So as you may or may not know, I co-host a podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon. It’s a film podcast and every week I get together with my other co-hosts and watch movies. For episode 38, we watched the High School Musical trilogy. This first movie blew me away. I was really surprised with just how much fun I had, and if you want to hear more of my thoughts on the film, please listen to episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 2 (2007) - 4/10

We then jumped into the second and while it’s certainly not as good as its predecessor, there are still some brilliant songs that manage to top the last movie. Again, more of what I have to say can be heard on episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008) - 3/10

Senior Year was pretty hard to get through. I don’t remember it being as bad as it was, but then I didn’t really remember it anyway. It did however have one redeeming quality, which you can discover on episode 38 of the podcast.

The Piano Teacher (2001) - 9/10

What the fuuuckkkk. The Piano Teacher is horrendously affecting and I was so upset when it ended, maybe not because it’s not what I wanted but because it’s just so fucking dour and unrelenting. This is the second Haneke movie I’ve seen (after the original Funny Games) and I’m so impressed with how well executed it is. Following a woman who teaches piano, we get a glimpse into the life she lives, how sheltered she is from living with her mother at an age where you’d reasonably expect a person to be living alone or with a partner or friends (even going so far as to be sleeping in the same bed as her), and how repressed she is sexually. It’s clear she’s never experienced any kind of sexual interaction or romantic love with another person, so she goes out of her way to take control and make that happen. The upsetting nature of it comes from just what she does in pursuit of it or as a result of her repression, and what is done to her. It is by no means a movie to recommend to your parents but The Piano Teacher offers so much in terms of the ideas it presents (and I’ll admit there seems to be a lot more going on than I think I picked up on a first go round) about women in modern society, and about the portrayal of sex and expectations of people when it comes to how that is represented in a person’s character depending on their gender. I really enjoyed this movie but it is not for the faint of heart.

Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011) - 1/10

My podcast co-hosts decided it’d be a right laugh to add Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure to this episode and that might have been a fun idea for them because they got to watch it together, but I was just watching it alone. Just a 24-year-old man watching Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure alone and having a miserable time, I might add. But for a short and sweet ramble on what we all thought, please listen to episode 38 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Dr. No (1962) - 6/10

A lot of very iffy parts of this movie. A lot of discomfort arising from how black people are portrayed that really didn’t sit right with me. As far as a Bond movie goes, this first instalment in the series is one I’ve seen before and it’s not wholly engaging but it plants the seeds for the rest, with Sean Connery breathing life into the role and making an otherwise lacklustre plot bearable.

Black Widow (2021) - 6/10

I think probably the best part about Black Widow is the experience I had while watching it. It was great being back in the cinema with a couple of friends in a packed theatre. The energy was high and I’m sure for a lot of people, this is the first time they’d been to the cinema since Endgame. For what it’s worth, I did have a lot of fun with Black Widow and I’ve explained more of what I thought about the movie in episode 39 of the podcast.

The Climb (2020) - 10/10

The Climb was added to Now TV recently and I already knew I loved it, having seen it in an empty cinema theatre last year, which I had an absolute blast with. The Climb details the years of a rocky friendship told over scenes filmed as one-shots. Not only is the presentation something to gawk at, but the performances by the two leads playing these friends with a terrifically dysfunctional dynamic is truly captivating. They’re both trying to figure out their own lives and where one can come across as being rather selfish, the opposite is true in his counterpart, whom everyone loves. This is a truly funny and heartwarming movie with a lot to say about how we choose to live our lives and who we choose to be with. It’s a shame the distributors of The Climb didn’t do a very good job because if not for it being available on Now TV, it would be near impossible to watch without forking out more money than is necessary to purchase a film.

From Russia With Love (1963) - 5/10

The second Bond movie. I thought perhaps I’d change my mind on it with another watch, having seen it for the first time maybe a year ago. But no, it’s still largely boring and it treats women like absolute garbage. From Russia With Love is one of those movies I forget as I watch it, and I was trying very hard (in the middle of the day!) not to fall asleep.

The Good, The Bart, and The Loki (2021) - 1/10

I don't usually talk about the short films I watch but for this I'll make an exception. As we all should know, Disney owns The Simpsons now, through their acquisition of Fox, so, coupled with another of their properties, that being Marvel, they decided to make a six-minute animated film wherein Marvel’s Loki is stranded in Springfield. This felt as though it was a minute long due to the horrendously jarring pacing; it is a movie that feels adamant that it needs to exist, while trying as hard as it can to be over as soon as possible. It serves only to stare the audience directly in the face and say “look, characters from The Simpsons are dressed as Avengers”, shit out three credit scenes, then end before you’ve even processed the atrocity you just bore witness to.

Russian Ark (2002) - 8/10

For this next episode of the podcast, we watched a few Russian movies, starting with Russian Ark, a film shot completely in one take as the camera moves about a luxurious museum in a first-person perspective as this main character watches what is happening around him, seeing people moving about the place but unable to interact with them, guided only by another man who seems to be just slightly out of his own perception of reality. This is a tremendous feat in filmmaking and more can be heard about what I have to say in episode 39 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Ivan’s Childhood (1962) - 7/10

For my own pick of Russian movies to discuss on the podcast, I chose the debut feature from one of my favourite directors, Andrei Tarkovsky. It’s amazing that while this is not his best film by far, Ivan’s Childhood is still such a stellar debut, jumping around in its timeline as it details a child’s experience in the second world war. Again, I do go into more depth in episode 39 of the podcast, so be sure to check that out.

Outlaw (2019) - 1/10

The third movie chosen for this marathon is apparently the fourth Russian LGBTQ+ movie ever made. I’m unsure of the ultimate goal of this movie but what seems to be clear is that it hates the LGBTQ+ community. This is perhaps the worst film we’ve discussed on the podcast to date, so listen to episode 39 to understand exactly why it’s such trash.

Almost Famous (2000) - 7/10

I too love heavy music and also studied journalism so it stands to reason that a movie about a teenager who makes his way onto a band tour, following them through America and interviewing them as they hang out and play shows is going to be a premise that resonates with me. This certainly did. I enjoyed Almost Famous a lot; this kid is living the dream and I was so along for the ride, seeing a lot of myself in what was being portrayed. That said, the story itself is at times a bit by the numbers and I really would’ve been more on board if the visual component was more interesting. For what it is, technically it’s fine enough but nothing in that department ever jumped out at me.

Minari (2021) - 8/10

It’s crazy that this didn’t get a theatrical run where I live in the UK. It feels as though I complain about film distribution all the time but I really don’t understand the process by which a movie gets no cinematic release and yet, months later will pop up on the front shelf of hmv, taking pride of place. But of course I got the blu-ray straight away. Minari has a lot to say about the immigrant experience, specifically in America as a family comes over from Korea and tries to start a business and make something of themselves. You get to see a lot of what you might not think twice about when you think about immigration: the hardship of coming from a place where you know everyone to somewhere rural and sparsely populated, having to make friends with locals and integrate within the community; the strain it can put on a family and on a marriage where this idea is presented about the importance of making it on your own in order to live and not just survive, while also taking into account why you’re doing it in the first place and the value you place on being part of a family that you decided to make because that was more important than money, than economy, than proving you were good enough to make it in a place that gave you very little advantage from the offset. This concept of the promised land, of the American dream is a construct. There are times when it’s not pretty, when you have no running water, or you’re in debt, or a family member is dying and it just feels like you’ve been dealt as bad a hand as you can get. But it is better to know you’re not facing all that alone.

Roma (2018) - 10/10

This was my recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. Roma is as beautiful as it is heart-wrenching and I would recommend listening to episode 40 of the podcast to find out more about my thoughts.

An American Werewolf In London (1981) - 8/10

In all fairness, London is enough to make anyone a little crazy at the best of times. An American Werewolf in London showcases some fantastically grotesque effects, akin to something like Carpenter’s The Thing, in showing the dead brought back to life and a horrifically gory transformation scene. Although the film is from the perspective of an American protagonist, directed also by an American, the depiction of British culture and climate is something I’ve not seen many films pull off quite so well, and I was pleasantly surprised at the more comedic tone the film has overall, which is something that works more in its favour than straight horror would.

The Party’s Just Beginning (2018) - 6/10

Karen Gillan’s directorial debut is… pretty good! There are a lot of ideas I like in this movie: a woman living life and through convenient circumstances, is confronted with death in many ways. Gillan obviously knows her homeland as well as she can, imbuing the whole thing with an intensely Scottish vibe (though maybe not in the same vein as something like Trainspotting) that makes it a bit more unique than a more run of the mill movie of this ilk, backed up in no small part by her own main performance. The plot itself is no great diversion from the kind of story I’m used to with these smaller movies and for something that’s trying to include messaging about transgender issues and suicide, it probably could have been handled better or done in a different way.

Solaris (1972) - 9/10

Another Tarkovsky joint, one I thought I’d revisit to see if there was indeed more to get out of it a second time. Well, it’s no surprise that yes, there was certainly more to get out of it. Solaris is a crazy trip of a movie and I would liken it to Kubrick’s 2001 in terms of how grand the scale of it feels. Yet this is a film that comes across as deeply personal, choosing to focus on a specific character as he goes to a space station to help those on board who are experiencing some kind of emotional crises, only to feel the effects of the planet, Solaris invading his own mind as it has the crew. To many, I can see this lengthy Russian sci-fi being a tad slow but my personal experience is one of deep engagement. Solaris pulls its viewer in a lot of different directions and it is always doing something unexpected in terms of where its narrative goes. There’s a lot to think about with the movie and thankfully it’s no chore to watch again.

Y Tu Mamá También (2001) - 9/10

Another recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. This is a very relaxed experience, following three young people as they go on a road trip, visit different places and have sex. Listen to episode 40 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast for more of my thoughts.

Children of Men (2006) - 10/10

My favourite Cuarón movie, one that never stops being tense as its characters are constantly moving towards the end goal. Set in a future where humans are infertile, the oldest living person is 18, and London is the last city in the world that’s still keeping it together, somewhat. This is masterclass filmmaking. Listen to episode 40 of the podcast for more insights.

Minority Report (2002) - 5/10

I’m really not the biggest fan of Spielberg… Minority Report is an interesting movie in terms of its concept of stopping crimes before they happen by way of prediction, but I just didn’t connect with the heart of it. The colouring is way too overexposed in a way that’s supposed to be eliciting a futuristic vibe but instead feels so early-2000’s in the worst way. My biggest problem with Minority Report is just how long it is, clocking in at two hours and twenty-five minutes which allows for a lot of meandering, all while never quite developing characters enough for you to care about.

Caché (2005) - 9/10

Oh god! Another Michael Haneke movie! Here we see a couple periodically sent video tapes featuring hours of footage of the outside of their house. The anxiety ratchets up and the mystery gets deeper with every minute. There’s always at least one moment in any of his films that have so far made me realise just how out of my depth I am. Caché is no exception, and I won’t spoil anything here because I think it’s better just to watch the movie and see for yourself. He is a director that wants the audience to know something and that something is never what is explicitly shown at face value; it is pressed into the fabric of the film - plainly evident, yet hidden. Caché is so stupidly clever in displaying its themes and messaging - making reference to the Siene Massacre of 1961 as well as a deeper study of colonialism - and there’s no way to change a single detail of it without risking the Jenga tower crumbling to the ground. It all works in tandem. It is passion and fury and haunting.

Coco (2017) - 7/10

Pixar had a string of around seven forgettable movies before this point so thankfully Coco emerged to show the company still had something good in them. Coco deals a lot with themes of death and legacy, remembering those who are gone in order to preserve them and while its plotting is quite basic and there are certainly moments that either drag or cannot escape the same Pixar formula, most of what the movie has to offer is a lot of fun, with creative, colourful animation and emotional beats that resonate the way they’re supposed to.

Incredibles 2 (2018) - 5/10

Oh, they almost had it! There's a lot here that could have been explored in far more interesting ways. Setting Incredibles 2 directly after the events of the first movie was not a good idea. If it had taken place five or ten years after, the characters could have been in different places in life and it would feel as though they'd actually changed and developed. But instead of trying to be a film that actually cares about its characters and the journeys they go on, a lot of the film is wrestling with the idea that Bob isn't supportive of his wife and Jack-Jack has to fight a raccoon… They have to shoehorn in a villain that in no way compares to the genius of the original. The ending of the original introduces another antagonist that gets wrapped up within this film's first ten minutes, except they don't catch him and he's never mentioned again. It's a real shame because the animation is fantastic and the acting is superb and there are great ideas sprinkled throughout. It just doesn't come together.

Toy Story 4 (2019) - 6/10

I was rather reluctant to watch Toy Story 4 because from the get-go I’m not really here for sequels being made just for the sake of it. Everyone loves Toy Story and making another one is a sure fire way to make money. This is the first time I’ve seen Toy Story 4 and for what it’s worth, I did enjoy it. The animation is immaculate and that alone feels like a huge flex from Pixar who tend to step up the game when it comes to animation in film, despite not having the best track record for films generally at this point. While it was nice to see these characters again, I found a lot of them to be side-lined (namely Buzz) in favour of a story that focuses mainly or entirely on Woody, who I just don’t like as much as in the previous movies. Generally the movie is good and decent enough but there’s no real antagonist and the plot is quite loose… it doesn’t feel as though it needed to be made from a story point of view.

Onward (2020) - 6/10

And with that I have seen every Pixar movie. And Onward is a fine one to go out on. While I don’t think it compares to the likes of earlier Pixar it’s still pretty fun. Or maybe I’m just a sucker for a medieval setting filled with bright colours and magic! Speaking of which, the animation was super and the medieval quest element is something that hooked me with the film. Again, plot-wise it does feel very familiar and I don’t know, maybe I’m past the point now of expecting Pixar to mix it up where their formula for story-telling is concerned but the movie is quite predictable. Nonetheless, while I’m not rushing back to see Onward I would hardly turn it off or refuse if someone wanted to watch it.

Old (2021) - 3/10

Oh boy! New M. Night movie dropped and my word, was it fun! For more of my thoughts on this… masterpiece (?) of a movie, please direct your attention to episode 41 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

T2 Trainspotting (2017) - 5/10

Trainspotting is perhaps one of my favourite movies and I had never bothered with the sequel, 20 years on, because the ending of that first movie is so conclusive. T2 felt more an excuse for these guys to get together again and in that, I probably would have preferred a couple of pictures on Twitter of the main cast and director, Danny Boyle having dinner or something. This is a fine movie - very arty in its presentation but meandering and dull in its story that doesn’t offer much in the way of proof that it had to exist.

Taste of Cherry (1997) - 9/10

What makes life worth living? This is a central question and theme of Taste of Cherry, and one that leaves such interpretation not only up to its central character but to the viewer as well. This film got me thinking about times in my life when I truly have had no answer to hard questions. Because it’s hard to convince people of things they are so adamantly against and harder still to rationalise what you believe if you’re not even entirely sure why you believe it in the first place. We are all of us alive and in recognising that, does that make it precious? And if indeed living is not a happy thing, why then should we fight so hard to preserve it? I felt upset as I watched this movie because I’ve been asked these kinds of questions before and it makes me feel stupid when I’m unable to answer. But the only real answer I can give is, everything. And if you can’t see the point then you’re not looking hard enough. Taste of Cherry is beautiful in its exploration of these topics and in its overall presentation, offering some of the best visuals in any movie I’ve seen - fitting for a feature with so much to say about the beauty of life - and an ending that as much pulls the rug out from under you as it does pull you out of the dark and make you realise just how lonely you’ve felt.

Bones (2001) - 2/10

Snoop Dogg is Jimmy Bones! This film is super funny but I’m not sure it’s trying to be and I really didn’t love it overall. But I do talk more in depth about it in episode 41 of the podcast.

The Duchess (2008) - 5/10

Another recommendation for the podcast. The Duchess was pretty much exactly what I thought it was going to be and there’s a lot to like about it but generally it’s a bit sparse. For more chat on the movie, listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Man With One Red Shoe (1985) - 1/10

This was another one for the podcast and man, was it awful. We had to watch it at 1.5x speed towards the end because it just wasn’t getting finished otherwise. To find out more, make sure to listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Emperor’s New Groove (2000) - 7/10

Pull the lever, Kronk! Haha! Slays me. I do quite miss this era of Disney, where the animation was hand-drawn and the stories were actually compelling and funny. The Emperor’s New Groove is vibrant, it’s got great characters and memorable moments that will forever be ingrained in the memory of culture. All in all, it’s just a solid flick that doesn’t waste time, developing the standard fall from glory type of arc but smoothly and in an entertaining way.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - 8/10

Oh, bloody hell! They actually made a good one! The Suicide Squad is not only better than the ‘Suicide Squad’ of 2016 in every way, it’s a genuinely great film! This time, James Gunn (director of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies) is at the helm and it seems clear that Warner Bros. basically let him do what he wanted with the movie, as it doesn’t seem to bog itself down with the restrictions of a more family-friendly rating. The result of this is a far cleaner, colourful film with a clearer vision that takes from early Vietnam movies and uses that style to craft a superhero/villain movie that differentiates itself among the copious amount of existing films of the genre. The Suicide Squad wastes very little time, introducing fun, crazy characters we’ve not seen on the big screen before and isn’t worried about killing a whole bunch of them, with standouts being Elba’s Bloodsport, Melchior’s Ratcatcher 2, Stallone’s King Shark (expertly rendered with fantastic visual effects), and Robbie’s returning interpretation of Harley Quinn. A lot of Gunn’s trademark sense of humour is laced throughout and more often than not, it hits. The audience at the cinema were truly loving this movie and I’ll admit, I was right there with them. This mix of the gritty, gory and absurd is not something that should work as well as it does but the basic premise of the film is already so silly (and boy, do they know it) that it just works! Certainly one of the best DC movies since The Dark Knight and one I’d be more than happy to watch again. This is what the modern comic book movie should be: just balls to the wall fun!

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maybemanyskeletonhats · 3 years

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Elves reaction to depressed hero 😔

Sad sad sad ☔ but...just a personal reminder from me, that you are never alone. This is unedited.

Inspiration for Vivec's scenario comes from MK's "What my beloved taught me" posted on Morrowind's 10th birthday. And Sotha Sil's dialogue on his personal view on Vivec from ESO. Also 'Mouth' for those who are in the know are referring to Telvanni wizard's errand boys basically. They handle recruitment into House Telvanni.

~°~°~°~°~°~°~

Sotha Sil knows what that feels like, that gnawing feeling in your stomach. and the moments when a spark of joy you feel as you do something can turn into a deep sense of dread in an instant. It's a sad ordeal, one he has experience with sadly. He can try what he can, offer some words if you truly think he would know what to say. He loves them, and he wants them to be happy but understands that being depressed can block that pretty easily. Sil may encourage them to do whatever they need to feel better as long as they don't harm themselves in the process. He'll bring them the things they want to eat and all the blankets they could possibly need. Anything for them to have a sense of security, even if it's brief. He cares in his own way, and he'll do whatever he can to help them get through it.

Vivec knows a poet's despair from the beginning. His earlier days weren't easy, and neither was his childhood. It wasn't something anyone could say they were proud of. Either way should he of had any other choice his life might have been drastically different. He's sympathetic to them. He feels their feelings rather strongly and perfectly understands that want to just lie around and do absolutely nothing. Just hoping things will get better by themselves. If they really need to cry, he'll let them. He'd rather have them cry and get it out then bottle it up like he does. Vivec can lay with them, he can have all the snacks they like eating taken to them, and he'll carry them everywhere if he needs too. The gods feet barely ever touch the ground, but the least he can do is shoulder some of the burden they carry.

Almalexia has mourned someone before. Cried so hard the whites of her golden eyes were stained red for hours. She understands the need to cry, to let out all of those bad feelings but it certainly hurts when they weep and she can't really do anything to help. Gifts don't really help, at least not permanently, food can be a great coping mechanism but she doesn't want them to overeat. Her head swims with thoughts of ways to help them. Eventually she realizes that her mere presence could do so much more then anything else. Chosing to abandon her usual spot so she could sit close by. She'll whisper affirmations and praise to them, and stifle any insults they throw at themselves. She's slow to learn, but she learns.

Voryn Dagoth feels his heart break slightly at the news. They were...depressed. He can relate, he doesn't see the world as something grand as everyone else does. If anything, people live solely for other people. When you strip that down...well. There's nothing. A lack of purpose and belonging. It's a hard battle, considering most people are always fighting alone. But he's there, if that's anything to them. He's there to listen and be the eyes and ears when no one else would spare them mercy.

He may be a reserved individual, strange in some sort of way but who wasn't? He does everything he does because he must, because his sense of loyalty was unwavering even if that hurt him later. He'll stick to their side like glue if he's their lifeline.

Mannimarco hasn't ever been depressed. Sure he's been dissatisfied, angry. Never depressed. Truthfully, he's slightly lost. He was never the best at comforting words but it's beautiful how far people will go to help someone elses peace of mind.

Mannimarco will take the time to be nicer to them, and will physically jump at the person who decides to try to verbally berate them. He may not understand, but he knows their at a time of great unhappiness. Therefore, he may come off as more sweet as he nudges them every now and again to question if they are okay or if they've eaten.

He's bitter at people for making them feel this way, as it's always people who cause deep upset like this. He'll glare at the person who even looks their way and never strays from their side for too long.

Neloth has seen fellow Telvanni members who were less then happy, if you believed him. He saw how exhausted they seemed despite sleeping frequently. So if they thought they were being subtle hiding it from him, they were surely mistaken. He doesn't want to coddle them, as he knows that can make them feel worse but he's surprisingly ready to tear a new one into the one who attacks them over it. He may not express it vocally but he does love them deeply. Neloth isn't the best caregiver, and he knows he can say the wrong things at the wrong time. So he settles for making sure they've been eating and sleeping a healthy amount.

Divayth Fyr feels immediate protectiveness take ahold. He would want to know if they were eating the right amount, were they sleeping okay? As a father of four he'll feel it's his responsibility in some way or another for their happiness. Might take it upon himself to feed them himself, which brings the rare sight of Fyr in a kitchen. That being said if Fyr likes them, his daughters probably do aswell. So they have lots of fun with the family of 5 coddling them. Knows they won't do anything to themselves but always has one of his kids with them so they have company. He'll hug them more just as a reminder that he's still very much there for them.

Teldryn Sero won't coddle them by default. He does like them obviously and he wouldn't want to see anything happen to them. Maybe, just maybe will ask them how they are feeling more then his previous employers.

Gets them food and will encourage them to have a bottle of Sujamma every now and again. Granted, he doesn't want them to drink their pain away. Hes done that before and it spares no pain the next morning. Overall, he's the supportive friend while not coddling or smothering them to pieces.

#the elder scrolls #sotha sil #elder scrolls morrowind #eso #elder scrolls #vivec #almalexia #divayth fyr #teldryn sero #neloth #mannimarco

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thoughts-on-bangtan · 3 years

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What do you think of JM’s updated Spotify? I don’t normally read into things, but his song choices makes me sad. “At my worst” “I can’t be myself (excuse me while I cry) & “When was it over?” With the lyrics “was it that fight we didn’t have when I came in? Was it the first time you saw me drunk? Second time I said I’m sorry?” It sounds like a replay of Vmins dumpling incident and it worries me. JM looked off in the recent live, almost sad and pouty lately. Do you think I’m over analyzing it?

Admin 1: The short answer to this would be: yes, you are over analyzing things.

The longer one would be that, for example, Pink Sweat$'s At My Worst isn't a sad song, it's actually the exact opposite. It's a very cute and romantic song. Just look at the first verse:

Can I call you baby? Can you be my friend? Can you be my lover up until the very end? Let me show you love, oh, no pretend Stick by my side even when the world is caving in, yeah

I'd actually argue this kinda sounds like a mixture between Sweet Night and Friends when it comes to the sentiment of those words. I’ve seen some people even claim that this will replace Ed Sheeran’s romantic songs that have so far been used at every wedding ever because of how sweet it is.

Then we have Justin Bieber’s I can’t be myself which I believe you probably only looked at the title and jumped to conclusions because, again, this isn’t a sad song either. The lyrics are more about how Justin (or whoever) cannot be himself when you (I’d guess he likely means his wife) isn’t by his side, thus wanting to say that he is happiest and most himself when they are together. It’s sweet and lovely, not sad.

I could travel any place But without you, it's just runnin' around (Girl, I'm just runnin' around) They could open Heaven's gates But without you, I'm just stuck in the clouds (Yeah, yeah)

Lastly, from the songs you specifically highlighted, is Sasha Sloan’s when was it over? which yes, I’ll admit this one is a sad song about not being able to let go even though you know there is nothing left. The song though has a very calm sound, something you’d listen to in the evening, and something I could see both him and Tae like listening to, not because Jimin relates to the lyrics but because it’s simply a pretty song.

On my current playlist I have Stromae’s Formidable, a song about a heartbroken man getting wasted after a breakup. I’ve neither gotten my heart broken nor am I sad and yet I still love this song because it’s just a really good song. Sometimes that’s the only reason we need to listen to a song. Nothing more to it.

All that to say that I don’t believe there is any correlation whatsoever to be made here, especially since Tae and Jimin look more than happy in recent months (did you notice Jimin happily smiling at Tae during their most recent performance of Butter for Colbert at the beginning of their subunit dance?) and there is nothing that could indicate to us that something went wrong between them, or that Jimin could be sad or something bad going on with him. I mean, look at JKs playlist and the fact that he has Billie Eilish’s Your Power on it, applying your thought process, does that mean that JK is trying to tell us he went through something similar to Billie? That he is sad? Or do you think he simply recommended that song because he likes Billie’s music? The last one seems the most likely, doesn’t it?

So, to sum it all up, there is absolutely no need to worry, seriously.

Admin 2: In the evenings, when it's very quiet and my big city has fallen asleep, I really enjoy listening to Sweet Night. I also like to go back to 4 O'Clock from time to time (although I know I will cry). Does that mean I missed my chance in life to be with my beloved? No and no again! I've never been in a situation like this, I wasn't unhappy or "fragily" in love, no one abandoned me or cheated on me. I listen to these songs because I love them. They match the mood of the evening and calm me down despite the sad lyrics and let me fall asleep peacefully.

I am a person who listens to a lot of songs from the past; Songs that remind me of situations, remind me of years of studying, enable me to relive certain situations.

Dear Anon, thank you very much for your question (confession), but I admit that I see it as "looking for some kind of backdoor" so to speak, a way to create a loophole and deny everything after all.

I don't know who you are, I don't know if you really are a Vminnie, but I think you are clinging to any possibility of a situation to undermine the reality or existence of Vmin. That's how I see it, if I offend you, I apologize. The more we get new materials about Tae and Jimin every day, like them being cute in the McDonald's behind the scenes, the more such "sad thoughts" we get sent to us through asks every day.

Firstly, I'm not sure if Jimin (and Taehyung) is fluent enough in English to capture the accuracy of the lyrics and understand its message. Of course, you can translate it, but for that to happen first the song has to catch your attention, and usually it's the melody and the overall feeling of a song that does it, and not the lyrics. And that is the point!

I think Jimin picked these tracks because he simply likes them. Perhaps he first paid attention to the melodies and the mood and only then understood the lyrics sometime later.

A lot of people (including me) hear some kind of song instead of another because they are intrigued by the melody or the association with a particular situation. The mood that fits the moment, the weather, the time of day or many other things which lead us to choose this song and not another.

Maybe Jimin and Taehyung were driving at night and listening to the song on the radio, maybe they were in a romantic mood back then, just having dinner together or taking a half bath together. Ha ha, I know I am deceiving and romanticizing what I am saying to reflect the vast possibilities and reasons why you listen to music like this and no other. Jimin putting together this list of songs for his spotify playlist doesn't mean he listens to it all the time, every day, but that he has the songs he likes on his list and chose the ones he wants to hear right now, or that he thought ARMY could like.

Of course, I'm sure he listens to very different songs during exercising than the one lying in bed before falling asleep. Maybe he's listening to this list, just like we hear the songs from BTS? We know individual words after repeating them several times, and we generally know (as we decide to read translations) what is going on in a particular song, but we don't understand all the words accurately. Not all of us are in the same situation as described in a particular song, but still we listen to it because we like it, because BTS sings it, because we are waiting for a solo from Suga etc. etc. etc.

For some time now we have been seeing (I see) Vmin happy, even very happy, as if "after the night the day came and after the storm came peace" (by the way, these are the words of one of my favorite songs), I have the impression that Vmin have finished fighting all their fights and they are just happy now, finally. Taehyung looks like a million dollars, he's literally glowing and far more lively than he was a year ago.

To him, Jimin is like smooch like butter and someone he likes the most. Taehyung is a handsome and hot chingu for Jimin who he also likes him the most as well. Tell me dear Anon, where is there room for fear and doubt in the love they share? Why and on what basis do you suspect that Vmin has broken up, or is having problems, or that either of them is unhappy? Besides, if one of them has an off day or is simply tired after a packet schedule and thus doesn't look as animated, why is that immediately read as "Jimin and Tae aren't together anymore" or "they are drifting apart" when chances are far more likely that it has nothing to do with their bond? Based on the playlist, or based on Vlive, or maybe based on both of these events, what is the correlation?

I've seen the Vlive. To tell the truth, I didn't see a sad and pouty Jimin there. Instead, I saw Taehyung smiling and content, and Jimin smiled and admired Tae's new hairstyle. I watched the latest BTS interviews. Vmin stared at each other, Jimin stared at Tae with a big smile that only grew in size and the two communicated with their eyes.

Jimin caressed Taehyung's back/butt in the Butter MV making Episode and said there’s butter here (though it wasn’t translated in the subs).

In the McD ad they were together and standing next to each other, even with Jimin resting his head on Tae's shoulder and then Jimin eating Tae's chicken nugget from his hand.

Honestly, I don't know what else Vmin would have to do to keep people from doubting their bond and happiness. They have shown us so much, I think they have reached the limit of what can be said without saying it bluntly.

Most importantly, this is a very interesting situation as we have never had as much "dubious news/content" (not meant negatively at all) as we have now after Taehyung's interview with his ‘confession’/clarification about Sweet Night. To me it smells a bit like someone wants to cause fear or plant the seed of doubt, or be like a trojan horse with the underlying idea of course being that "well...we must be wrong" even though there’s no reason for us to believe/think that.

#Jimin #Taehyung #vmin #song analysis #answered ask

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appleb0mb · 4 years

Audio

Twisted Wonderland x Date A Live (Outfit) - Rook Hunt

Art Process of Begonia here! (currently not available)

Collection of TWSTxDAL Tracks here!

Blue Begonia - This flower represents dark thoughts and cautiousness. This flower is known for warning others of dangers or misfortune in the near future. It is also a sign of individuality and uniqueness.

For blue, it is a sign of artistry, passion, and creativity. Usually this flower is given to those who are worthy or understanding enough to accept the beauty of this peculiar flower.

Previous: “Effort is critical and essential to reach your goal. The ruthless, the hopeless, the beautiful and the ugly have all done the same. Even if people dry up like potatoes, I will persevere - and I will NOT falter.” [ Agapanthus ] here.

“My arrows have pierced the strongest of hearts, and my joy is unwavering - for beauty is at thy side. Let us celebrate till morn, and fill our cups with merriment. For the time has come, to dance till our final breath.”

“Shall we dance, my Dearest Vil?”

(NOTE: This is absolutely free! But NOT free to steal credit from! PLEASE CREDIT MY ART AND MUSIC, AND ASK FOR PERMISSION FROM ME!!!)

(Also comments, criticism, reblogs and likes are appreciated! I enjoy seeing them because they brighten my day ( ◜◒◝ )♡)

If you’re into some Pomefiore plot, please - continue below~.

A word from appleb0mb:

I am INCREDIBLY pleased with how the cover looks! LIKE OMG INCOMING BAD VIBES FROM ROOK-

I EVEN LISTENED TO THE SONG MULTIPLE TIMES JUST TO LOOK AT THE COVER

Begonia here was kind of hard, but overall it was a lot easier than Agapanthus fOR SURE.

In conclusion, I am extremely EXCITED and ECSTATIC to release Begonia! Thank you for listening as well, and stay tuned!

The Concept of the Track - Begonia:

In the beginning it was a simple, scrapped draft that was lying in the corner while the previous song, Agapanthus was being edited to completion.

When I first opened the music file, it did feel kind of Rook-like but it didn’t hit me like a truck for this song. It was boring, cringe, catchy...but annoyingly catchy in a way. It didn’t feel like the Rook we know and love - so I decided to do another one instead.

For Rook he’s known as enigmatic and eccentric (well in my opinion), so I definitely wanted his theme to sound that way. But if I’m going to be honest here - the whole theme sounds jumbled up.

The theme sounds like a tiring, never-ending journey of adrenaline rush...except the ending is rather unexpected! I never expected the guitar to be even in the last bits of music there but...it somehow did. (:’)))))))

To summarize, Begonia is an amazing track for Rook and for my ears. Not a bop, but it works for me (lol). I hope it sounds great to your eyes too, oh great reader ( ╰(´꒳`)╯).

Imagery and Ideas From Listening to Begonia:

In the beginning I imagine Rook bowing to Vil amusingly, lowering his hat while looking sus.

Also I imagine him in game mode using multiple arrows to hit his opponent (you) and Vil sometimes helping him by adding poison to the arrows.

That’s it lol

TWSTxDAL Plot - Continuation!

Warning - long reading ahead!

Note: This is not a full continuation of the story in Agapanthus to avoid spoilers. These can be consider teasers of the upcoming story.

A mysterious figure laid above the roof of the glamorous villa, their hands twirling a freshly-bloomed Begonia. Its sapphire petals laid bare to unwithered skin - basked with warm, welcoming rays of the evening sun. Emerald eyes fixated on the meticulous veins of the petal, before subtly shifting its glance to the person next to him. “Good afternoon, Vil.” “Same to you, Rook.” His light, blonde curls bounced as he spoke. “May I ask why you had to call me on top of the roof?” Rook roared with laughter. “Roi de Poison, I want to reconsider the contest that has commenced two weeks ago.” “If it has something to do with that Invidaé potato and those Spirits, I’m not allowing them to join for VDCI.” “Dearest Vil, I understand that they may be a disadvantage...but maybe if you reflect carefully and ponder on the subject - this could be the most fantastic opportunity yet.” Breathless silence befell the two, as Rook’s words sunk deeply into his thoughts. “An opportunity?” Vil huffed in wry amusement. “Explain how conjuring unstable in one place can be considered an opportunity.” “That’s the thing, *mon ange. You want to be even more successful and modern, right? If we bring the Spirits on our side, then maybe the whole world will express a change of heart.” “Rook...we can’t do that - it’s not time yet.”His lavender eyes shifted to tile roofs, glaring at it.“Failing to properly prepare for the worst, is like begging for disaster and danger.” “*Mon bégonia bleu...” His scarred, veined hands wrapped around the blonde’s unblemished, lily-white ones. Emerald and lavender met one another, their gaze unwavering and sparkling in the apricot sun. “We never know what the future may hold.” His grip tightened, unwilling to let go. Moments later, Rook’s hands gently moved a strand out of Vil’s face; before planting his hair with the begonia. “I understand that you may not be ready. I will wait with you, but if there’s a time to begin - it is now.” Instantly, Vil pulled away and stood up hastily. “Enough of the dramatics, we've arranged an appointment in the next hour.” He uttered before turning his back to the golden-haired being. “Meantime, I’ll consider it. Also, Rook - don’t touch my face. I put my life’s work into it.” A radiant smile and chuckle escaped his lips. “Apologies, Vil.” With speed, Rook descended smoothly to the ground of the villa before catching a slightly trembled Vil in his hold. Forcefully, Vil sped inside the front door while Rook simply followed after, all while maintaining an enthusiastic smile on his face.

Words: mon ange - my angel || mon bégonia bleu - my blue begonia

- End of Post -

Thank you for supporting the fan-made music and art of Twisted Wonderland x Date A Live.

And have a wonderful day!!!

Note: If you have any questions about this post, please request it in my inbox or under this post.

#TWSTxDAL #TWSTxDAL album #twisted wonderland #twst #date a live #pomefiore #twst rook #rook hunt #twst vil #vil schoenheit #twst epel #epel felmier #WOAH that was a lot to take in!#And yeah the Begonia holds importance to story!#Too bad y'all don't know yet :P #GOSH I can't wait to plan the full story out AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #Also canonically Vil and Rook's friendship give me unsettling vibes. Is that a bad thing????#I mean Ruggie and Leona gave me bad vibes. But Vil's and Rook's is like UHMMMMMM #But anyways-#Not gonna lie the story here is kinda wholesome lol #Though...it's not gonna be so wholesome when you dive in deeper into the story.#People have lies written all over #but very few know how to conceal and feel it #some have forgotten the lies they're supposed to hide...#'The angel and the devil all in one place. How unsettling...isn't it?'#'My dear (MC)...survive and wait just a little bit longer...'#'So that I can put an end to this nightmare.'#'Sweet dreams (MC).'#Indeed...sweet dreams! ;)#Till next time reader! :DDDDDDDDDD

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diplexchimera · 3 years

Text

Hey people considering college-

I have some tips for you. Now, take into consideration that I am technically a college drop-out (didn't have enough money for a second semester).

- my college required Freshman to be in a campus dorm. We got to select whether we preferred someone quiet, someone loud, or someone in between. In my experience, someone loud = an extrovert who will have many people visit them, someone quiet = a person who prefers to keep their room more private, and someone in between = a person who wants their roommate to be okay with a noisy room & people over, but also wants to be able to say they need quiet time (or they aren't sure what they want, but want neither a silent room or a busy room).

- if you have to eat from the cafeteria, that's okay. They tend to have a wider selection anyway but! I would suggest memorizing the breakfast/lunch/dinner availability hours. Some schools are very strict, and will lock the doors which = a skipped meal for you.

-I would also suggest getting the app 'MyPlate Calorie Tracker'. College meals will most likely be different than what you've eaten at home and school. The MyPlate app is pretty simple, and can help you make sure you're getting the right amount of food into yourself, as opposed to too much or too little. If I remember correctly, it also keeps track of how much protein and stuff your food is supplying you.

- sugars, fats, calories, and carbs are not bad for you. Your body requires them. Your brain literally will not function if you cut out any one of those items. Remember, you don't need to avoid being fat, you need work today being healthy. Your body will sort itself out (over time dude, give it time) if you supply it with the necessary nutrients and such.

- dude, vitamins. They can be expensive, but if you have insurance, ask your doctor how much of every vitamin you should be having. They can tell you, give you a list, and they can ask your insurance if vitamins are covered. If you can't get to a doctor, try to do research. Here is one from Harvard that I think is good, but you should always cross check things. Getting all the vitamins and minerals you need is exceedingly important. They help you go to sleep, stay asleep, and wake up, help your brain and body to function and adjust, help keep you feeling healthy and happy. If you feel tired and depressed, it can be really difficult to accomplish tasks and enjoy/ appreciate being alive.

- I would not suggest starting your year by completing assignments before the start date of said assignments. For one, doing assignments as they come helps you get a feel for a natural schedule. Another reason is because it helps to be in the moment, instead of too far ahead to be able to keep track of what's going on and when. Wait until you have a hang of how and where to research, and a firm idea of how much you can hold onto mentally, so you don't fail tests. You'll also likely feel guilty later on when you begin to struggle to stay ahead as assignments get longer and more difficult.

- yo if you can get a used textbook that comes as a three ring binder instead of a hard or soft back, do it. It's cheaper, and so much easier to handle and copy. Heck, you can even take the pages out of the section you're using and put them in a folder -- boom, no more 40lb back pack. Also makes more room in any bag you use for the essentials, which I'll list next.

- here are some backpack essentials:

• earbuds, Bluetooth if possible. It's okay to have more than one type of listening device. "I prefer headphones!" You say. You can't hide over-the-ear headphones if you end up in a classroom which doesn't allow something like that. Sometimes you're just having a sucky day, sometimes you need extra stimulation to concentrate, sometimes you want to spend your time listening to a podcast that explains the current subject better than your teacher does. Sometimes you want to watch a movie casually. Earbuds also take up MUCH less space.

• an extra charging cable for every portable device you use. Roll them up, and secure each one individually with cable ties or bread bag twist ties. I say extra, as in, keep your original cords in your dorm room and Don't Take Them out. Get a secondary cable and charger for each device, and let them live in your backpack.

• 3 or 4 different colors of pen. Multiple colors, for whatever reason you want-- easily scanned notes, for different subjects, etc. These can serve a variety of purposes, and you never know when you need them.

• 3 regular pencils, and a good hand sharpener or silent mechanical sharpener. 3 in case the other two get broken lead or happen to suck. Regular pencils can be finicky.

• 2 mechanical pencils. 2 in case one of them fails, runs out of lead, or the lead breaks up.

• decoy pens and pencils! Get as cheap or expensive as you want. At some point, someone is likely to ask for one, and you don't want someone else using your favorites. You also may not get them back, or they get broken. I would suggest a couple of each, as it may happen in more than one class. You don't have to have decoys, but that way, at least you don't have to choose between either feeling guilty for not loaning out the items you like, or being uncomfortable that you did have to loan one. If you loan the decoys out, and don't get any back, and someone asks you for a utensil later that day, you have both a convenient reason you don't have an extra you're willing to share, and you already put the minimum effort towards being prepared.

• Water! You're going to get so dang dehydrated! You're going to have full days, much of the time, from trekking across campus, to class time, to meal times, to study time, to hang out time -- you need to have water with you, as opposed to having to track it down, and possibly have to pay for a bottle of water. Hydration is a main component in bodily functionality and brain processes. I would suggest a minimum of a 30-ish ounce container of any sort. A plastic water bottle you refill, a thermos, a sippy cup, a hydro flask, a camp flask, whatever works for you.

• I would say snacks. If you're eating meals throughout the day, I guess they aren't "technically" essential, but can confidently say, they are useful. Snacks can be an energy boost, a brain function boost, a hunger soother, a friend-maker, or just plain stimulation. Cut up some apple slices, maybe grab some peanut butter, or a portion of nuts, or a tangerine, crackers, pretzels, chips, the choice is yours. It helps if you can get ahold of some of those cheap reusable silicone ziplock baggies. You can wash them to be used again, and you don't have to deal with carrying plastic trash around with you.

• a pair of socks. I know that sounds weird, but it doesn't take up much space, and weird stuff happens. They get wet, or it's hot and your feet get sweaty and yucky, or food get spilled on your feet. Stuff happens.

• b12 tablets. They work with your system in a healthy way, as opposed to caffeine, and does the same trick. Just follow the directions on the bottle, and may I suggest, start with half the recommended dose. It affects different people more or less. My husband takes the recommended two, while I only need a half. We both have adhd, and are closely similar in body weight. If you need a wake up boost, don't slam your system with caffeine.

• baby wipes. You can get a small pack, and they can help clean up almost anything. Someone spill sticky tea? Got it. Fell and scraped a knee, and it has dirt all over it? Baby wipes and a little water. Need to blow your nose, and there are no tissues, or just feel like you need to rinse your face off in class? You're covered.

• chapstick is a very small item, but Lordy Lord if those classrooms aren't parched of all moisture in the air. You gone get cracked, chapped lips.

That's kinda it for now on backpack essentials. There is definitely more you could have, so supplement whatever helps you. You could add a hairbrush or comb, a hat and rain jacket for cold weather times, sunscreen during the hot times, hair ties and bobby pins, etc. It's all for you pal.

- keep in touch with your professors. Make yourself known to them. An occasional casual compliment is often helpful, and a good way to connect (you explained stuff really well today/your teaching style is helpful/I appreciated you taking time to answer my questions). They are people after all.

- if you have stuff going on, let your professors know. If your pet is sick at home and you're worried about them, give your professors a heads-up that you may seem less attentive that week, but that it isn't disinterest. If you figure out you have depression, and you're struggling to complete assignments/sleep/wake-up, tell them. Let them know you don't expect special treatment, you just wanted them to know that it isn't due to immaturity or lack of interest.

- always do studying and homework first. If you're able to accomplish these things while with friends, that's great, but if you can tell you're struggling, prioritize schoolwork. You'll have time for fun stuff later, usually later that evening.

- it's okay to drop a class. In fact, if you severely dislike a class, don't understand the coursework, or you realize you've taken on too much at once, it's better for your overall wellness and your grades if you drop it. If you have a professor suggest you drop a class in mean way, don't feel like you have to prove them wrong. This is your experience, and they can stuff it for being a rude brat. You don't need to prove yourself to them, and you cannot control their thoughts or actions.

- try to take classes that happen twice a week, which start later in the day than 8 am, at least for your first semester. There is a lot going on in college. A lot of changes to acclimate to. Take it a little easier at first, to give yourself time to work out what all is where, and how everything works.

Well, that's the end of 'dip's (college) tips' for now.

#dip shares stuff #stuff to know #dip's tips #college

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risingsouls · 3 years

Text

@viopolis asked: 🍎 for Nappa, Raditz and Vegeta

FROOT! || Open!

🍎 : how stable is my muse’s mental health? have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they or should they attend therapy?

[All things considered, Nappa’s mental health isn’t the worst and he’s a pretty stable individual. Vegeta killing him bothered him for a good bit but he’s sort of decided it isn’t worth losing his mind over. He’ll face that when and if he ever has to (and maybe someday I’ll write something with Nappa and Vegeta having That Talk). Finding the underground fighting ring fairly soon after his revival and beginning to make money on Earth probably helped a lot, even if his intended use for that money changed from purchasing a ship to starting his own gym/dojo/underground fighting ring of his own. It gave him a clear goal and he has come to enjoy his work and life on Earth.

I’ll save time by saying none of these guys have ever been formally diagnosed with any mental illness or condition. I can’t imagine mental health being all that important for Saiyans or the Empire in general. Therefore, they all most definitely have some undiagnosed ones, PTSD being one they all likely share to differing degrees. Otherwise, Nappa is pretty okay? I’m sure he dealt with his own depression and perhaps even some identity troubles after the planet was destroyed, but otherwise, he’s pretty fine mentally these days. Therapy wouldn’t hurt, but I don’t think it is something he NEEDS. He isn’t even all that into killing anymore so that’s progress, right?]

[Raditz is perhaps a little less stable, but he’s overcome a decent portion of his demons. Due to living a good portion of his life with a couple of bullies that rarely if ever saw much worth in him, he has some pretty potent trust issues that make it difficult for him to form proper relationships no matter how much he may want those connections. Tack on low self-esteem that he tries to cover with false confidence and...you know...dying and being brought back to life can cause some issues for him. He definitely appreciates his second chance, but having a hole shot through you isn’t a pleasant experience and makes for some gnarly nightmares.

As far as what he COULD have, PTSD is very likely as well as depression. Perhaps a bit of abandonment issues in some ways? Therapy or something similar would probably benefit him more than Nappa. He could use someone that just...gives him genuine and considerate attention. To listen without judging because that would be difficult for most normal people since a good chunk of his life was spent murdering by the thousands.]

[You really had to put Vegeta in here. What ISN’T wrong with him, tbh? He is very mentally unstable and it takes him YEARS to reach any sort of a semblance of stability. I could write a novel about it all but I’m not going to because I literally looked at the time and realized I should be trying to go to bed whoops.

Anyway, he’s a narcissistic egomaniac who also suffers from some kind of obsessive personality disorder and most definitely depression and PTSD from all that Trauma. Has issues with not having control in a situation to some degree, likely due to basically never having any real control of his life when he served Frieza. He’s also not great with processing any emotion other than anger all that well, which makes creating lasting and meaningful relationships incredibly difficult (but for the most part he doesn’t really care), so very emotionally stunted. I feel like I’m missing a lot here but I think these are the big ones.

He’s giving me the hard pass on formal therapy, but comfort with the right person he feels comfortable opening up to could potentially help him work through some of his mess. At least make it more manageable.]

#.:ask:.#| nappa ♅#/ raditz \#// vegeta ♅#viopolis #man nappa might actually be most well adjusted after turles #maybe tied with gohan #vegeta is a fucking problem #raditz is just a sad boi #and deserves people that love him

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dimensionwriter · 4 years

Text

FlufftoberDay 4: Fake Dating

Axel x GN! Reader

------------------------------------------

Am I deciding to treat the Axel lovers? Yes, yes I am.

---------------------------------------------------

You should’ve have know something was about to go wrong when you saw Screw sitting at their desk with a smirk emoticon on their screen. Nothing good ever comes from that android when they’re feeling devious.

“So, what I am hearing is that you want us to go undercover to this...” you didn’t even want to say it. It was so embarrassing. “Android lovers festivals as a couple. Why?” This wasn’t part of the job. You were suppose to make sure that everyone felt safe, no matter their species. Not play pretend to go undercover.

“Listen, last year there was a few people trying to sell android illegally there. This year, we just want to make sure the same thing doesn’t happen. You two are to just go there and make sure to report anything suspicious,” Daniel explained, leaning back in his chair. You responded with a slow blink as you tried to process what he was saying.

“Where does dating have to come in? Can’t we just go there as, I don’t know, ourselves,” you yelled, trying to get your bosses to see the problem. First, they make Axel and you move in together, now this. What’s next, having to marry each other forever in the name of comradeship.

“Well,” Screw started typing, leaning forward. You just gave up when you saw that. This robot will not talk with reasoning. “This is an android lover convention. It would be pretty odd if a human and an android walked in without being a couple. They are either weirdly alone ooorrrrrr-”

You fell back into your chair to place a hand over your head. Why you? Do they even realize how awkward it will be to pretend to date your coworker? And why do you even need to pretend to date if no one will ask?

“Well, Axel, do you disagree with this?” You moved your hand to look over at Axel who was sitting next to you. His posture hasn’t changed at all since you guys were called in. He hasn’t spoken a word about this.

“I do not mind having to. As long, of course, it gets the job done,” he wrote in that same normal grey times new roman font. You squinted your eyes at it to see the bottom had a slight pink tint to it.

“There it is. Now go take off those old uniform jackets and get ready for a convention,” Screw wrote while clapping their metal hand. Is this even a job anymore or is this a sitcom?

A hand was placed on your back, but you didn’t lift your head off the steering wheel. You thought conventions would be small. This one wasn’t even one you really heard of before, so you believed deeply in your heart that it would be small. So, why are you parked outside of a stadium where there are cars everywhere?

A low whizzing sound caused you to look over to the passenger seat. Axel was sitting with his head to the ceiling. His outfit was a red shirt with a pair of black leather pants. A few chains and necklaces were frappes around him. He wasn't wearing this earlier, did he change?

"Hypothetically typing, is it that bad to date me?" Axel wrote in a small font. His hand wrapped around his knees as he looked over at you.

Oh, no he's getting the wrong idea. "No, you're a wonderful android. You're sweet, nice, and quite hardworking. Not to include it's adorable how you watch baking shows at 3 am when you think I'm sleep. You're a catch that any luck person would like to be with."

His form stuffed up which you translated to most likely from shock. He quickly turned his screen away from you to stare out the window. In the reflection, you could see the bright pink glow emanating from his screen.

"So, you want to go in?" You asked, leaning around to see his screen. It was kind of cute every time his screen went pink.

He didn't look at you, but opted for nodding his head. You tried your best to hold your snicker in as you unlocked the doors.

The stadium was quite large with silver beams shining proudly in the morning sun. The grass around it was glimmering in elegance from the morning dew. Maybe, just maybe, this won't be so bad.

It went bad. It went so bad so so fast. Axel and you walked into the stadium side by side and a man was at the entrance sitting at a table. He welcomed you to the "A.L.C" and his next question was if the two of you were together or individual.

Before you could open you mouth, a low mechanical purr came from behind you. A cold hand was placed on your shoulder causing you to look up to see a circular head with a screen on it, it almost reminded you of those old style television. "I sure hope this delectable thing isn't."

Axel's arm went around your waist and pulled you away from the weird android and into his side. He was a lot more warmer than the other android, weirdly enough.

The man at the desk said that's all he needed to know. He told you guys to go to the backroom behind him and to follow the path. He even threw in a cheeky wink.

Now any person with a brain would instantly connect what just happened together. The other android was just a test for something and apparently you two passed enough to be let into this secret area. This must be what Screw was telling you about.

Axel and you held on to each other until you were out of their sight. You rushed forward through the hallways, looking for the exit that could potentially lead to this 'backroom'.

A light appeared at the end of the tunnel and you two glanced at each other and nodded. This has to be it. So, you ran forward into the light, ready for actions.

And ended up right where you are now. On the stage, in the middle of football field, in metal chairs. To your left was a tall lanky human man next to a dark blue android. To your right, past Axel, was a plump non-binary person with there miniature android.

"Welcome to A.L.C. year 5, everyone," the announcer screamed into the microphone. There had to be at least 2 thousand people and andriods around you that instantly started screaming or whirring. "Today, we found 3 lucky couples that will be yelling about their cross species love."

You ignored their screaming and applauding to glance at Axel. He was sitting up straight as always, but his legs were spread wide with his hands in the middle tightly grasping each other. It's comforting to know that you aren't the only one uncomfortable right now.

"We will kick this off by letting each couple introduce themselves and talk about how they met." Okay, maybe it's time to come up with a plan to get out of here.

Grabbing the edge of your chair, you scooted closer to Axel until your sides were touching. You grabbed his arm and wrapped your arms around it. Leaning on his shoulder, you turned you head, so it was burried in his neck.

"Axel, I'm going to assume you can hear me. We need to find a way to get out of here. This is the complete opposite of being undercover," you whispered in a panic.

You slightly leaned away to see that Axel had put a hand on his screen that was glowing pink again. He tapped his screen a few times and the light went away.

"Sorry, I have to replay your audio. My sensors were distracted at the moment. Give me a second." Aww, poor guy. He was probably so uncomfortable with you touching him like this, but this is the only way to communicate without being conspicuous.

"Best plan of option to get out here without being noticed is to-"

His screen turned black again causing you to frown up. A small cough in front of you caused you to look forward to see the host standing in front of you with a smirk.

"Well look at these two. Guess we spread the chairs to far for these love birds," he jokes the crowed. A bunch of laughter and awws came out making you immediately go into an awkward smile. "Now, introduce yourself and tell us your story."

The microphone was instantly put to you causing your brain to short circuit. You looked up at Axel at what to do, but his screen was still black.

"Well, I'm y/n and this is Axel. We-ummm- we met at work. Well, kind of. I worked in a... bakery that only had human workers and he worked in a bakery that only had andriods. Our bosses thought it was a good idea to combine, so they did. The first shift with Axel, I showed up an hour late with breakfast in my hand, so that wasn't a good impression. He was acting all grumpy and angry around me, but I was- I was determined to make him not hate me, so I was always nagging him... Along the way, we became friends and one day I invited him to my house to watch a movie. I specifically remember picking out a movie that reminded me of our relationship, but had romance in it. Sitting there watching it, I felt that it was a sign that tonight was the night that things were going to change. That night, I confessed that I had fell in love with him and he said he felt the same way. The rest is history."

Was half that a reality and the other half a romance movie you saw a few weeks ago, yes? But they didn't need to know that. All you need was some sappy story to please these people and get this man to move on from you.

"Oh my gosh, did you guys here that? Society tried to keep them separate, but destiny and fate worked harder to bring them together. I think we found a good example of what human and android love looks like. No offense Xeno and Jordan, but I think they beat your ' met on a dating site's story."

Why did you not think of that? Oh gosh, now you just brought even more attention to you two.

"Okay, we have one more story before we will move on to some QnA from the crowd," he said, with a big smile to the crowd. He walked over to the next couple, finally leaving Axel and you alone.

"We got to get out of here, now," you hissed, tugging on his sleeve. He turned his screen towards you and begin to typed.

"My previous plan was to just simply walk off the stage with you. However, now the crowd seem to have grown a connection with us, unable for us to make a quiet exit. I searched up the itinerary for today and this 'couple proof' only last 30 minutes before another event start. It would be safe to endure it and then exit."

Thirty minutes, that's all you have to endure. That's not that bad. Almost 10 minutes has passed already, leaving with about 20-ish minutes for the QnA. Split that between questions for each couple, that would be less than 7 minutes for each.

After the 3rd couple finished telling their story (they met at a park while taking pictures of flowers and went on a date three days later), he moved on to the QnA for the first couple. He gave the crowd 6 minutes for them.

The questions weren't horrible to deal with. They were asking about any difference in species that you found out while dating. You could talk about Axel rarely needing to recharge, so most night he stays up doing stuff. Then there were some questions about favorite things to do for a date. Maybe go along with the bakery plot line and say baking. Ultimately, it ended with them asking for pictures of them hugging. Easy enough.

The man walked away from them and walked over to you, signaling the start of you guys turn. It was pretty much the same thing.

"What's something weird that Axel does in your relationship?*

"He doesn't need to recharge, so sometimes it's weird waking up in the middle of the night to see your boyfriend typing down recipes from a cooking show." Axel gave you a red tinted "No I don't" as that. The crowd just coos at it.

They asked Axel what he found attractive in a human. Even you were slightly curious because you didn't even know if liked humans liked that. Considering his whole 'I don't do emotions' act.

"Their ability to make things feel things they never thought was possible." It was short and kind of mysterious, but was enough for the crowd.

You two whizzed through the next couple of questions, giving them the answers they most likely wanted to hear, but kept them from being more suspicious of you two. That was, until the last questions.

"Hi, I apologized for this weird request, but I must ask. My mother is extremely speciest and thinks creatures of the same species should be together. And when she found out I attend these things, she said that it was just full of sick people who were faking it. I've recorder a lot of all the amazing creatures of there talking about there love and plan on sending it to them. But you story is the most inspiring. Can I have a picture of you two kissing to show my mother that all of this is real? That our love is so much more than anything society may think."

You know that feeling of whiplash from moving to fast. That's what it felt like to listen to her story and then hear her request. You understood trying to stick it to the speciest people, but you can't go around asking people to kiss.

"Oh that would be lovely. The crowd's favorite couple showing a sign of such raw affection that it has to prove to the world that an android and a human can love each other," the host wailed out. He dramatically threw a hand over his forehead as he started to sway. Was this man just male human version of Screw?

"I- ummmm," you drawled out staring into the crowd. So many eyes, screens, and plastic eyes stared back at you with hope gleaming in it.

A hand was gently placed under your chin and tilted your head. You looked up to see Axel's screen glowing a soft pink. "May I?"

Your eyes looked at the crowd before looking back into Axel's screen. His hand was so warm and comforting that it felt like it was melting you into a puddle. He stay in that position, waiting for your consent. You knew that no matter what you did, he would follow you with no hesitation.

You meekly nodded you head and closed your eyes. A screen was pressed against your face, but it felt different. A slight buzz was coming from him that traveled down your lips into your body. The warmth from his hands were nothing compared to his screen. It wasn't soft like a pair of lips, but it held the same compassionate and trust as a normal kiss.

Axel was the first to pull away. You sat completely still as you stated back up at the screen infront of you.

Screaming poured out from the crowd in waves bring you back to the present. You shuffled back into your seat and tried to ignore everyone yelling at you two.

"Wooza. Let that be proof right that to the world of true love," the host screamed with some fist pumps. The crowd went wild again making you internally cringe.

It was for the mission. All of this was for the missions. You can endure a little embarrassment and awkwardness for it. Protecting andriods lives from being sold was important.

But why did it have to include kissing Axel? Oh gosh, what was he thinking at this moment? Was that his first kiss with a human? Do andriods even kiss each other?

Thoughts spiraled through your head that you didn't even notice that the host was wrapping up the first event. Your mind was so full.

"Thank you guys for being lovely hosts. We hope to see you next year," he said. Your eyes was to the sky as your would was escaping your body.

It was until Axel's warm hand slid into you and gave a small tug. You got out of your chair and followed him off the stage with all the other couple.

This was just like the first day meeting. Stuff that wasn't your fault happen and you accidentally made it worse. Now Axel was sure to be mad at you. You should've kept a low profile, but you just had to make a drastic story.

Axel turned right into a dead end hallway that a was a little far away from main one. He placed you against a wall and stood in front of you, blocking your view.

"Are you feeling ill?" He asked, placing a hand on your forehead. "You are feeling quite feverish. I understand it might be quite sickening to relive the... action I had to take on stage. I do sincerely apologize for forcing you to show that level of affection with me."

He was kidding right. You're the reason you two had to kiss in the first place. You amped up the crowd and gave them hope. And he's acting like you didn't enjoy it- at a platonic level of course.

"Axel, first off, I'm not sick, just flustered. You can look up that human emotion. Second, it was a really nice kiss. Like, I’ve never kissed an android before, but it was good, you know. Not sickening in any way,” you rambled. Your temperature was sky rocketing as stared at the screen you lips were on just a few minutes ago.

“Good. That clears it up. I can relate a the same experience to you. I’ve never kissed a human, or anything at this point. Never say a reasoning to. However, I can understand why humans may want to do it all the time.”

Wait, what?

“Axel! Y/N!” A voice yelled from the end of the hallway. You looked around Axel to see an silver android in a baggy sweatshirt running towards you two. Do- do you know him?

Axel turned around and took a step towards the android. They stopped right in front of him and handed him a sheet of paper. Getting a little curious, you peaked at the document to see a list of names followed by a phone number with a location.

“These are the names a person gave me to ‘get an android’. We found them,” they explained tapping the document. Wait, was they talking about the mission Axel and you were assigned. Why was this random android in on it?

“Hey, how did you know about this stuff? And how do you know us?” You question getting in front of Axel to look at this suspicious android. They tilted their head to the side in confusion.

“There’s like 10 other cops here on this mission. Screw told us that you guys were to go undercover and cause a distraction for us to search. Did you not meet someone at the front that helped you with this?” they asked, scratching the top of their metal head.

A person earlier? The only person you met was that android that was flirting with you... that ended up getting you two on stage. So, he was another agent too. Was everything set up?

“Well, I came to show you guys what I found. I’m going to go back to the station and report what I found. Also, good job on the distraction. Didn’t think you would go that far, but yeah. Good job,” they said with a pair of thumbs up. Slowly, they walked backwards before turning and running off.

“Axel, I’m going to strangle Screw and there’s nothing you can do to stop,” you grumbled. How many of your colleagues watched you kiss your partner? How many are going to see Axel and you kiss from those videos?

You glanced at Axel to see his screen flickering between red and pink. “I might not notice if you do.”

You turned away to secretly placed your fingers on your lips. There was still a slight tingle in them that still had your blood rushing. The embarrassment may was worth it... just a little.

-----------------------------------------------

Did I go a little overboard for this one because I haven’t wrote Axel in a long time? Yes. I miss this little android. Love him to pieces.

Also, just want to let you know that this isn’t cannon. This is the equilivant of an OVA. The main story line is the Mechanical Heart series. But this is just a little something for the Axel’s fan.

#exophilia #monster boyfriend #android #reader x android #android x human #android x reader #mechanical heart #axel #monster fluff #flufftober

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