#like thinking about therapy and how we are not moving a single step in the direction of finding a solution

[gguk-n]

Fading Shadow (Lando Norris x ex-Reader)

Part 2 of Last Straw Inspired by this request

Summary- Y/N moved on. Lando is still stuck, on what they had and what he lost.

{Reader's POV}

The moment I landed back home, I felt relief wash over me when I cried in my mother's arms. I had been holding on to too much, it seems. My father brought my favourite food and we ate together and we laughed together. This was the therapy I needed. My siblings weren't very happy with Lando since they had seen everything unfold on social media but they were happy to have their sister back. I was happy to be back home. I needed this, I needed my people.

I decided I needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. I had been mourning my relationship while I was still in it. Now, I was a new me, I was going to do everything I wanted.

I applied at the company I always wanted to work at but due to there being no vacancies I was assigned a job in a different country and I was ready to take on the world. I knew Lando would never search for me, he never truly loved me but I still wanted to leave. I needed a fresh start.

{Lando's POV}

The silence after the break up was exactly what I needed, or so I thought. I could leave as I wished. I could go out whenever I wanted. I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. It's so much better to be single then to be tied down.

I didn't think I would ever miss Y/N, but I did. I remember exactly when I missed her for the first time; it was after a difficult race and I had finish decently with the shitty cards I had and I just wanted someone to tell me how well I did; but there was no one; no one who knew what I wanted to hear. I felt so alone even when I was surrounded by hundreds of people for the first time in a long time.

The second time I missed her was when I was stood on top of the top step of the podium. I wanted to have her around so I could share my highs with her. I didn't get a 'do you wanna go out to celebrate?' like the last two times and I aired her both time to party with random girls. Right now, I was in the club celebrating my third win of my career and season and I felt empty and alone. Not even the alcohol helped.

The house we lived in was a stark reminder of the time we spent together. All our dates we had. All the times she would teach me how to cook but we would always end up with a big mess and half cooked or burnt food since I would get distracted. In retrospect, I loved every second of it even though I never admitted it then. I love all the time we spent together or the laugh she would emit when I messed up. I missed her and I wish she was here; I was too stupid to admit it then but I do now.

Oscar was getting sick and tired of me using his phone to check on Y/N's social media accounts since she had blocked me every where. I would end up borrowing the other driver's phone to check, just in case. Until one day, her account stopped showing up for Oscar too. I went through almost everyone on the paddock's phone to see if she had blocked my friends. Turns out, she had deactivated her social media accounts; I realised that after one of the gossip pages posted about her deactivating her profiles, across all the platforms.

I would wake up from dreams about her and I would fall asleep to the thought of her. No woman interested me anymore; I wish I was this loyal when we were dating, when she could see that I loved her, not now when she couldn't even see I had changed.

My PR team was losing their shit when I tweeted that. I had to sit through a stupid meeting after everything. It was miracle I didn't start crying in the middle of the meeting.

People had started to notice I guess, since Carlos approached me. "Cabron, what's up?" he asked while I was lying on my couch after media day. "Nothing" I hummed. "I fucked up right?" I asked. "I can't say no" Carlos said. I laughed painfully. "I didn't know how good I had it until it was all gone. I'm an ass and I deserve everything I'm getting" I cried. Carlos comforted me, hugging me tightly. "I just wish she would talk to me, at least once. So, that I could show her that I've changed. I really have Carlos. I love her so much, it hurts" I cried into his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lando" he said patting my back.

There's a saying, You don't know what you've got until it's gone. I was living that nightmare and I will never stop living it.

[ginkovskij]

feeling miserable again!!

[barcaatthemoon]

end of an era || jenni hermoso x reader ||

things don't always get better, but jenni tries to help you.

major angst warning, like implied/mentioned suicide attempt angst. proceed with caution.

everything and everyone went silent the moment you fell. it was daunting to watch back as you replayed the stream of your last game over and over again. jenni sighed as she glanced over at you. the two of you had been waiting in the doctor's office for hours now to see how your surgery had gone. both of you knew that it was going to be a long and hard road back, one that you honestly weren't even sure you'd have the chance to attempt.

"will you turn it off please?" jenni asked you. she was beyond trying to be nice about it. you got upset every single time that you watched it, and jenni hated hearing you get hit and go down again and again. she hadn't been there for that game, and it was one of her greatest regrets.

your teammates had told jenni how you had been immediately following the game. jenni almost couldn't believe it, not until she saw for herself that every ounce of happiness had been sucked out of you. you had become obsessive, attempting to figure out where you could have done something to reduce the damage. rather than listen to the countless people who had assured you time and time again that it was a freak accident, you still searched for an answer.

"it's not like i have anything else to do," you grumbled. jenni was really starting to get on your nerves. she was always a little annoying, but it had gone from being endearing to infuriating. "they're just going to tell me that i'm finished. my career is over, even if i can make a comeback. it will be too fucking late, jenni."

"no. no, stop talking like that. you're gonna be fine," jenni told you. oh how you wished that the doctors hadn't made her out to be a liar. jenni believed her words right up until the surgeon came in with a team of people that neither of you had ever seen before.

you felt numb as they gave the time frame of your possible return. it would be well over a year since you required multiple surgeries to fix the tears and breaks. you didn't understand how you had fucked up your body so badly, and it was obvious that jenni didn't either. however, you weren't left wondering for very long. the doctor mentioned old injuries that hadn't healed properly, claiming that your leg was a ticking time bomb that had been resting for nearly a decade.

"that was a waste of fucking time," you grumbled as you rushed towards the car. you were on crutches, so you weren't really moving that fast. jenni had slowed her pace down signficantly to keep up with you. she was carrying your bags, something that you only let her do today because she normally did it for you anyway.

"no, we have a timeline now. that's a good first step towards getting you back to where you need to be." jenni sounded so optimistic still, but you knew that it didn't matter. you'd miss the olympics, and you'd definitely have to retire by the next world cup. your time was running out, and it had essentially been cut in half by your injury.

"jenni, i'll be lucky if i ever get to step foot on a pitch again. let's just get home. i need a fucking drink." you got into the car, ignoring the look that jenni gave you. she was worried about you, despite you technically not doing anything worrisome yet.

you were depressed, and rightfully so. jenni had hoped that the doctors would have some good news for you, but they hadn't. your mood reflected that in the coming weeks as you moped around until you were cleared to start your physical therapy and rehab. your schedule for that was pretty light, especially since you had at least two more surgeries before you were in the clear.

jenni was great, and despite it being her off season, she didn't go back to spain. instead, she had moved temporarily to america to take care of you. you could tell that the move was hard on her, but she couldn't think of letting you stay by yourself. she was afraid that you'd do something stupid or dangerous if she left you alone.

you hated it, and because of that, you started to hate her as well. you hated that jenni kept looking at you like you were made of glass. you hated that she touched you so gently whenever all you wanted was for her to hold you down against the mattress and make you forget the past four months of your life. you hated jenni, and even more so, you hated that she never showed any resentment towards you.

there was always only ever going to be so much that jenni could handle. ten months out of your injury with only one more surgery to go, it all came crashing down around the two of you. the cracks in jenni's patience with you were starting to show, so she had taken a little vacation to spain without you. it wasn't for more than a few days, but it was long enough for your anger to betray you and turn into complete despair.

you had a family history of being fucked up. addiction, depression, anxiety, and a long list of other issues had plagued nearly every other member of your family for as long as you could remember. your parents had both tried to prepare you for the worst of it, and for a time, you thought that you had seen it. you had forgone taking your pain medicine because you had been terrified fo getting hooked on it. there never should have been so many pills in the house, but jenni knew she couldn't have just taken your extra ones with her to spain.

you wanted to call jenni, but she'd talk you down. you didn't feel like you deserved it. you had treated her so badly for nearly a year, to the point where she left the continent to get away from you. however, you believed that you owed her at least a text. something to thank her for taking care of you and apologize for being such a piece of shit for so long.

the time zone different meant that jenni should have been fast asleep. you didn't count on jenni being wide awake at 2 am. how could you have known that she hadn't been sleeping well since you got hurt. the vacation to spain should have been relaxing, but jenni couldn't quiet the voice in the back of her head warning her that you still weren't doing any better mentally. that was why she hadn't even finished reading your text before she was calling some of your american teammates to check up on you, hopeful that it wasn't too late.

…

"i'm here! i'm here!" jenni was nearly tripping over herself as she ran into your hospital room. she stopped when she saw you. you had expected her to start yelling at you or something, but instead she just broke down in front of you.

"i'm sorry," you apologized. jenni tried to tell you not to be sorry, but she couldn't get it out. all she could do is kneel by your bed and cry as your hand weakly ran through your hair. "it should have worked."

"i-is that how you really feel?" jenni asked you. you realized that wasn't at all what she wanted to hear, and suddenly you were filled with guilt. all of that hate and anger that you had felt before came back, but this time it was fully directed towards yourself.

"yes," you whispered. jenni wiped her eyes and stood up as she stared down at you. "i've been awful to you. how can you still love me?"

"are you fucking stupid?" jenni regretted her words as soon as they left her mouth. for the first time in months, jenni finally saw you cry. "shit. shit, shit, shit, c'mere. i'm sorry, i didn't mean it like that. i love you, i want to see you get better."

"jenni, i'm not sure that there is a better. what if i come back and this happens all over again? i think that i need to retire and take some time by myself," you told her.

"a-are you breaking up with me?" jenni asked you. there was a flash of anger in her eyes, one that completely overshadowed the hurt. "i took care of you for almost a year. i waited for you to get better, to be yourself again because i love you so much. you can't just make a decision like this by yourself, not when you aren't in the right headspace."

"jenni, they're keeping me here on a hold for a while until i can prove that i'm okay. i'm selling my place here. i don't want us to be over, but i think that if you can find someone who actually deserves you while i'm gone, then you should go for it. and if you don't by the time that i'm better, then i'd really like you to consider letting me come back to you," you told her. jenni didn't like the sound of that, but it wasn't a clear breakup. it was a break, if anything, and jenni knew for a fact that she wouldn't find someone else unless you actually forced her to. "i've already been let out of my contracts, they're just waiting to make the announcements."

"i wish that you'd reconsider this, but i am glad that you can make rational decisions," jenni said. you nodded as you gave her hand a little squeeze. there was a chair by your bed, but jenni crawled right in next to you. she had a couple days to stay with you before you were moved to the facility that you'd call home for as long as it took you to get better. jenni didn't know when you'd be back, but she kept a calendar to keep count of the days you were gone.

[back2bluesidex]

Where Do Broken Hearts Go - Chapter 3 (18+)

Pairing: Model, ex-boyfriend!Jungkook X Child psychologist, Fem!Reader X Lawyer, Single Dad!Hoseok. 

Summary: Jungkook stripped your emotions naked, left you bare in the chilly wind of despair and self-doubt with an unending heartache. You tried your hardest to move on from him, to live for yourself but failed miserably. Each night you had to come back to your empty home where memories and broken dreams were scattered all around the floor, until one day a little angel and her unbelievably beautiful father came into your life. Finally, when you find yourself healing, maybe falling too, Jungkook had to show up! Again!

Theme: Angst, pining, heartbreak, break-up, implied smut

Warnings: Mentions of school bullying, implied smut, multiple pov changes, we got Hoseok's POV too!! mentions of alcohol consumption, a flashback, palpable tension between Hoseok and reader.

Word count: 4.7k

Taglist requests are closed.

Minors and karens are not allowed in this blog

A/N: The chapter starts with Hoseok's POV. JK's POV is added to the very end of the story. Sorry for the delay. I really struggled with this chapter. But I hope you guys like it. Please share your thoughts, I'd love to talk to you about it. and even if you are only reading the story, I still love you regardless.

Main Masterlist

Chapters:- 

Prologue/Masterpost || Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 - Finale

“It’s so big, dad! It’s so big” the astonishment in Sua’s voice fills Hoseok’ heart with adoration. How come he has given birth and raised such an adorable human being! 

Even if ten years ago somebody had told him that he would be raising a daughter alone with very little to no help, he would have laughed at their faces. But now, he can’t even think of a time when Sua wouldn’t be with him to brighten up his day, his life, his entire existence.

“Sua, let’s get into the queue! Fast!” your voice cuts through the thin chill of the air. 

Hoseok’s eyes land on your figure and he finds you as beautiful as ever, if not more. He has come across countless women in his life but there are very few who have left any impact on him. 

You are definitely one of them. 

He knew you had to be special from the moment he witnessed Namjoon apparently struggling to shut his mouth while praising you and your capabilities. Hoseok knows his childhood friend too well and he knows that the man is not someone to be impressed easily. Hence, you had to be really compatible. 

But he definitely didn’t expect you to be so attractive. 

The moment his eyes met yours, he knew it was going to be hard for him to maintain this doctor-client relationship with you. And he was right. Things are getting even harder because he has to see you in your casual (and pretty) clothing, smiling and laughing with his daughter, and being equally excited about getting in the giant merry-go-round. 

One of the very few things that he learnt about you includes the fact that you don’t need a ton of makeup or extravagant dresses to look bold and beautiful. When he saw you at the clinic for the first time, you were wearing a formal blouse and dress pants and yet you looked effortlessly attractive. During both of the outdoor therapy sessions, you chose to wear jeans and tops. And again Hoseok is finding it hard to divert his eyes from you. 

On top of that, seeing you and Sua blending and bonding so well, makes him wish for forbidden things that are both too unethical and early for him to wish. 

“Daddy! Are you coming or not?” Sua shouts from a distance and that’s when Hoseok realizes that he has been far too lost in his thoughts, or more like, his thoughts of you. 

He walked fast towards the steps where you and Sua are standing, the same steps lead you into the small cabin of the giant merry-go-round. 

Sua’s shoes clink against the metal floor of the small cabin making both of you and Hoseok laugh at her excitement. She settles at one side of the cabin and gestures to both of you to come inside. 

Just as Hoseok is about to step inside, you hold his arm with your small palm. Something warm floods inside Hoseok and he finds this simple, insignificant act way too intimate. He eyes the place where your hand is touching him and then looks into your eyes. 

God! Your eyes are so beautiful, probably the most beautiful pair of eyes he has ever seen. He feels heat creeping up his neck. 

“You may hear things that will break your heart or unsettle you but I would appreciate it if you could keep your cool and refrain from reacting much.” your voice is low enough to make sure Sua doesn’t hear you. Hoseok understands and nods as you two finally settle inside the cabin. You sit beside Sua while he sits in the opposite direction. 

The cabin is almost midair when Hoseok sees your body going rigid, your face losing colors and your eyes shutting on their own accord. On the other hand, Sua seems to be enjoying the view much more than what is expected from a seven year old.  

It doesn’t take anyone a second guess to make out that you are acrophobic. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” Hoseok voices out of concern, reaching for your hands in the process. You nod to assure your well-being. 

Sua whips her head and turns to take a look at you. 

“Y/N! Are you afraid of merry-go-rounds?” Sua grips your fingers with her small hands. Hoseok takes his approaching hands back under his custody. 

You laugh a little, even though your face says you are two seconds away from throwing up. 

“Not exactly merry-go-round, Sua. But I am afraid of heights.” You reply through your gritted teeth. 

“Oh? Is that a thing?” Sua questions. Hoseok sits back and observes the conversation. He realizes you are about to make it about Sua very soon. 

“Yes. Fear of heights is called Acrophobia. But it was a secret! Now you know one of my biggest secrets, Sua!” you fake annoyance, all through your nerve-wrecking fear. Hoseok is surely very amazed with you now. 

“Oh no!” Sua giggles. 

“Don’t laugh. In exchange for my secret, you gotta tell me one of your secrets too. Or better tell me what you are afraid of the most? It’s a rule. You can’t back off.” You seem to ease up quite a lot now. 

“What am I afraid of? Do I have to tell you?” Sua questions with a very serious expression. 

“Yes. don’t you think it will be unfair to me if you don’t?” You reason. 

“That is right. But then daddy has to tell us his secret too. He heard you, just like me!” Sua pouts. Hoseok chuckles at his daughter's cute protests. 

“Sure. I don’t have a problem.” he mutters. Eyes drifting to your face, which is focused on Sua. He sighs. You look even more beautiful under the golden hue of the setting sun. You look unreal, almost like a dream. 

“Okay then let's start with Hoseok, shall we?”  You speak with a trembling voice as the giant wheel starts to move again. 

“Yes. yes. Daddy should go first.” Sua chimes in, way too delighted to finally know what scares her father the most. 

“Spiders. I am afraid of spiders the most! God, those little creatures are the bane of my existence.'' As soon as Hoseok’s sentence ends, he hears roars of laughter from both of you and his daughter. 

“I knew it! Daddy hates bugs so much!” Sua breaks into another fit of laughter, you join her soon after.   

Hoseok feels like an achievement, having made you and Sua laugh so loud, it’s certainly an achievement to him. 

“Okay okay! It’s your turn now.” you say while winding a hand around Sua’s little body, tugging her close to you. 

For the first time in the afternoon, Hoseok finds his heart beating erratically because of you. 

“I-” Sua’s face loses the glow in an instant, “I am- I am afraid of dark rooms. Dark rooms are so scary. I hate it! I-I hate it!” She covers her ears with her tiny palms. 

Hoseok’s heart breaks at the sight, just like you had warned him earlier. He tries to reach out for Sua but sees you tugging her close to your chest, patting her back and calming her down before her anxiety excelates any further. 

“Does Jaemin have anything to do with this, Sua?” you approach carefully, patting her back during the entire time. 

Sua doesn’t say anything but she nods in your chest. 

Hoseok’s heart breaks even more. He has been raising Sua providing every possible comfort he could offer. He thought he was successful in keeping his daughter away from all the harms of the world, but he was wrong. Somewhere, out of his knowledge, Sua was being terribly treated. The thought ensues a destructive anger in him, both for whoever Jaemin is and for himself. No matter how much he tried to be a great father, he failed to protect his babygirl and he is totally ashamed of himself. 

When he looks up at you, he finds you smiling at him as if to assure something, as if to say, “hey, it’s alright”. He returns the smile with a heavy heart. 

One thing about Sua is that it’s really easy to divert her mind and cheer her up. 

Only an hour ago she was trembling in your chest, engulfed in fear of dark rooms and that bully. But right now she is smiling widely, totally thrilled to be riding the Camelot Carousel. 

However, the person you are currently worried about is Hoseok. He is not at all doing well. 

“You okay?” Letting your voice sound a little concerned, you ask Hoseok. 

“I don’t know. I feel like I failed my duties as a parent. I couldn’t protect her.” Hoseok sighs. His shoulders rise and fall, making them brush with yours. It somewhat pains you to see him like this, especially when you could tell him for hours how good of a father he is despite all the complexities he had faced.  

“Are you a magician or something?” you reply a little playfully. 

“What?” Hoseok chuckles.

“No, right? Then how can you expect everything to be under your control? You are a human being after all, Hoseok. Being a parent doesn’t give you superpowers. There will always be shortcomings. But considering you have failed because of those, is certainly not justified. You are a good, in fact a great dad, Hoseok. And I need you to believe that yourself.” By the time you finish talking, you find Hoseok facing you. 

Both of you are lost in each others’ eyes. All the chatters, clamoring, noise, the music from the carousel have faded in the background. Silence is buzzing in your ears and your eyes are focusing only on him. 

Hoseok’s hair is not as styled as the other two times you have seen him. It’s more casual and curly today. Some curls fall on his forehead, almost reaching his eyes. His eyes are as dark and intimidating as ever. And if you are not wrong then you find those dropping on your lips momentarily before he is dragging his eyes back to yours again. 

“You are a good psychologist but.. you are a better human being and I hope you know that, Y/N.” Hoseok speaks a little breathlessly. 

“Maybe.. Or maybe not.” You add, finally turning your body towards the carousel again. You don’t look at him anymore. You don’t want him to read the vulnerability in your eyes that formed because he called you a good human being. 

Your mind instantly goes back to Jungkook. You blame him for everything. He is the reason why you are so sensitive, so miserable that your eyes are blurring just because someone called you a good person. 

It’s pathetic. You’re pathetic. And pathetically Jungkook doesn’t care about the state he has pushed you in. 

“I didn’t get to ask you earlier but are you okay?” Hoseok asks, walking side-by-side with you while carrying Sua piggyback as she is fast asleep. 

You get a little nervous at his question. Did hoseok really see the miserable you through your strong girl facade? 

“Yes. I'm totally fine. Why are you asking though?” you quiz back. 

“You pretty much lost all the color of your face while riding on the giant wheel.” Hoseok chuckles a little. 

“Oh. that!” you chuckle too, “I am fine now.” 

“Do you always do this? I mean, going out of your comfort zone to help your patients?” 

“That’s a part of our job. If we can’t face our fears, we won’t be able to help others.” You sigh a little. 

Hoseok only nods and you two fall in a comfortable silence. 

“It was a great day, and we made good progress. Hope she will open up more to me by the next session. So, see you next friday?” You say as you approach your car. 

“Oh- next friday. Shit! I almost forgot.” Hoseok groans and you find it mindlessly attractive, “I have a very important hearing next Friday. We may have to skip the session.” 

“Skipping a session might not be a wise choice as she finally started to talk. Is there a way to reschedule it?” You shift your weight from one foot to another. 

“I am so sorry but I will be occupied with all the preparations for this whole week. I don’t think I can make it before saturday.” Hoseok pouts a little. 

And good lord! He is so manly yet so cute! You feel like running away again!

“I can work this Saturday if you want.” you propose, knowing exactly what you are doing. 

“Really? I will be so grateful if you do but I don’t want to ruin your weekend.” 

“I don’t have anything special planned anyway. So..” You just hope you don’t sound desperate. 

“Okay. Done! Saturday at the same time? I will text you the venue later on?” Hoseok smiles widely and you feel your heart melting. 

You nod. 

On your way back home, you feel a little guilty about the way you persuaded Hoseok earlier. You practically just used him as an excuse to refrain from going to Jimin’s party. You know Jungkook will be there and you don’t want to see him. You will briefly see Jimin and give him the gift before meeting Hoseok and Sua. 

Work is always one of the most plausible excuses after all. 

There are two thoughts plaguing Hoseok’s mind. 

One, Sua being bullied at school and him being unaware of it all.

Two, You.  

You are doing the unexplainable to him. 

He had many people telling him that he is a great dad, he is doing an exceptional job in raising his daughter almost alone, but all of those words felt hollow and more like a courtesy than like an appreciation. 

However, for the very first time when he felt those words to be genuine, those were coming out of your mouth. 

“Being a parent doesn’t give you superpowers. There will always be shortcomings. But thinking you have failed because of those, is certainly not justified. You are a good, in fact a great dad, Hoseok. And I need you to believe that yourself.”  your words replay in his head. He intakes a sharp breath and sips whiskey from his glass.

Staring at the almost deserted road outside his window, he feels sympathetic for them. Because he knows what it is like to be deserted, to be alone. 

On nights like these, when he is a little unsettled, a little troubled, a little miserable… he seeks warmth of a shelter, a home, a lover. 

Hoseok sighs, closing his eyes he tries to picture a lover and the face he sees throws him off the edge… because it’s you. It’s his daughter’s therapist, somebody he doesn’t even know that well, somebody that is clearly off limits. 

He growls in frustration, slams the glass of liquor hardly on the table in the process.

He should not be feeling like this. He is beyond the age of having innocent crushes. It’s only need, want and lust at this point of his life. And there’s no way you can satiate those. 

So, he does what he could arrange. He takes his phone and dials the number of the person he knows will keep his bed warm at night. 

Saturday rolls around much faster than you would prefer. For once you consider canceling the plan but then you opt for going. 

Jungkook and you had a messy breakup, that’s true, but your common set of friends or acquaintances have nothing to do with it. They are more of Jungkook’s friends than yours anyway. So, you have nothing to lose if they suddenly start blaming you even if it’s your ex-boyfriend who ended the relationship. 

However, you know Jimin would be different. He knows you better than any other friend of Jungkook. And he is the reason why you two met. 

Four years ago, when you were a fresh graduate, broke and desperate. You rented this cheap studio apartment. Jimin was your neighbor living just across the hall. And Jungkook was (and is) his best friend. 

There was nothing romantic about yours and Jungkook’s meeting, rather it was a scene to be remembered. 

It was summer, burning hot. Jimin, being weirdly himself, decided to dive into his very uncomfortable and shallow bathtub. Without a doubt, his decision resulted in him having a bump on the forehead. 

Jimin somehow managed to call Jungkook, who came to his rescue. Who also came knocking on your door in search of ice. That’s the day you met him for the first time, then became friends and in turn, lovers. 

The memory of Jungkook asking you out stings like a fresh wound these days. 

“So I was thinking…” he’d said, eyes zoning out of focus. He had looked at everything else other than you. 

“Hmm?” you had an idea what was this going to be about and you were elated to say the least. You and Jungkook had been flirting with each other for a good time already. A comment here, a touch there, all of it made you feel like you were new. You were in love for the very first time and you realized you have never loved any of your past partners as much as you loved this doe eyed, bunny featured boy. 

You knew your feelings were reciprocated as you were able to read Jungkook and the way he would behave around you. You were waiting for him to be the first one to break the ice and if he proved to be way too shy to do anything, you would come up and take the charge. 

But you didn’t have to do so. Jungkook broke the tension as soon as he heard you needed a partner to join you to your very first networking party. 

“I could be your date to that party you were talking about- I mean- if you want you know?” his mouth latched to the beer can, taking a long sip to avoid your eyes again. 

“Are you only suggesting or are asking me out?” You played with him.

Gulping the beer he opened his mouth to reply but he got tensed as soon as he saw you smiling and staring at him intently, “I am- umm- what I want to say is that-'' he gulped again “it would be nice if I could be your date. I would love to be your date.” 

“And why is that?” you were enjoying teasing him. 

He flushed at your sudden question. You could clearly see the way he was getting more and more nervous with each passing second. 

“I-I don’t know how to say it. Uh- It may feel a bit creepy since we don’t know each other for that long and I am already asking to be your date. But I- I like you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same-” 

You shut him up by capturing his lips with yours in a sudden kiss. 

It took him a moment to process your actions but when he did, he kissed you back with ten times more intensity. He slid his tongue inside your mouth, his hands found their way inside your tank top, he placed you on the top of his lap, pressing his groin to your core deliciously. A pair of tongues danced for dominance, and soon you found yourself writhing under him as he made you cum again and again. 

You come out of your flashback as you absentmindedly touch the heated part of the hair straighter. 

Wow. What a great start to a Saturday, you think to yourself. 

Gladly, we didn’t cry or have a meltdown this time. You smile to yourself, reaching for a band aid. This seems like healing. You are recovering faster than you thought you would, which makes you happy for sure. 

Only if it was an average meeting, you wouldn’t put so much effort on your look. But you gotta meet Jimin first, who is probably already in a party mood, wearing his million dollar worth Dior outfits and Tiffany bracelets. And you don’t want to appear like a homeless kid before him. Moreover, Hoseok decided this week’s venue to be one of the fanciest bakeries of the town. Hence, it’s better if you doll up a bit.   

You look at yourself through the rear view mirror, hoping that you are not overdressed for a therapy session and not undressed to meet your super popular friend. 

Ok, you look presentable. What could possibly go wrong if you turn up to both of your meetings like this. Nothing. 

The signal turns green and you are about to start your car except the fact that it doesn’t. 

You spoke too soon. Obviously! Your car had to break down in the middle of the road like this! It is, certainly, one of the finest Saturday mornings you have ever had.  

If there’s anything positive then you are just two blocks away from Jimin’s house, hence, you won’t have to walk for long in your heels. 

It’s almost 2:45 when you complete calling insurance, handing over your car, and taking care of all the paperworks. There is no way in the world you could meet the Jungs by 3:30, so you decide to shoot Hoseok a quick text while walking towards Jimin’s house. You inform him that you are going to be late by 30 minutes or so as your car broke down earlier. 

And you receive a call from him when you are in the elevator. 

“Hey, is everything alright?” Hoseok’s smooth voice creates a weird session in your ear, which tickles down directly to your heart, warming it up much more than you would like to admit. 

“Ah, yeah. Everything is fine. The car suddenly broke down while I was on the way to a friend’s home. And I am not well-aware of the public transport here. So, it may take some time for me to figure things out and reach the bakery.” keeping your eyes on the elevator door, you speak into your device. 

“Uh- if you don’t mind… I can pick you up.” Hoseok suggests, voice a little small. 

“It’s so kind of you, Hoseok but I don’t want to trouble you.” you reply. It’s safe to say that you would love to accept his kindness but then again, you don’t wanna appear to be a desperate, broken hearted, naive little girl. 

“It won’t be a problem for me, Y/N. Just text me the address? Hm? I am sure Sua would love it too.” This time Hoseok’s voice is even more confident with a hint of authority in it. And you won’t like to turn him down. Agreeing with his proposition you cut the call, and type out the address just then the elevator dings open. 

You haven’t been to Jimin’s place more than a couple of times but it is never hard to find his door, even though each of the condo looks just the same from outside. 

Because Jimin’s door is always decorated as if it’s christmas. And today he even walked an extra mile and placed a full-size catboard cutout of himself with an edited crown on the top of his head and an animated birthday cake on one elevated hand. 

You stifle a laugh while you press on the door bell. 

And when the door opens, it’s not Jimin on the other side.

You are one of the main reasons why Jungkook decided to show up during the afternoon, have lunch with Jimin and then quietly leave before the party starts. His privacy is certainly a concern but not more than running into you. 

But it seems like Life has different plans. 

It’s you, who decided to show up right after 30 minutes of his arrival. 

It’s you, who looks absolutely shattered by seeing him on the other side of the door.

It’s you, who is effortlessly sporting a black and red floral sundress with your slender neck and collarbones on display. 

He stares at you with blown out pupils as you do the same. And suddenly Jungkook realizes that he misses you… or more like, misses seeing your beautiful face. If that makes sense.

“Y/N..” he murmurs under breath and he knows you can’t hear him. 

You gulp and then open your mouth to say something but Jimin cuts you off. 

“Y/N! You are here!” Jimin runs towards you, shoving Jungkook out of the doorway and pulls you inside. “But wait. You are here to tell me you can’t make it to the party, don’t you?” 

Jungkook obverses you intently, zeroing his eyes on you and only you. You give Jimin one of your beautiful smiles and then hold out his gift. 

“Sorry, Jiminie, I have a session today and I am already late for it. But a very very happy birthday to you.” tiptoeing, you reach Jimin's height and place a sweet kiss on his cheek. Jimin hugs you as you hug him back.

The scene irritates Jungkook and he doesn’t understand why. He has always been the jealous type, overprotective and possessive type. He never liked it when guys, even if your common friends, become too cozy with you. But that was in the past. That was when he was yours and you were his. That was when he was still in love with you. So, there is no apparent reason behind his irritation now. 

He tries to move his eyes from you but then his eyes fall on your finger wrapped in a band-aid. Even before he knows what he is doing, he walks towards you, grabs your hand and examines the injury. 

"Did you cut yourself again?" Jungkook investigates, as if he still has any right over you. 

You snatch your hand back from his grip as if his touches burn. 

"No. It's nothing." You reply, avoiding his entire presence. 

Smiling brightly at Jimin, you murmur "I should go now. I'm running behind schedule." 

"But it's Saturday. You don't work on weekends." Jungkook's mouth runs before his mind.

"I'm changing." You finally look at him, your eyes shoot daggers at him. 

"But, Y/N-" Jimin starts to speak only to get cut off mid sentence as your phone starts ringing. 

Jungkook doesn't want to but he can't control himself from peeking at your phone. But before he could make out the caller id, you receive it, “Hello… Oh you are here. Just a minute I am coming.” 

“Jimin, I gotta go. I am sorry and happy birthday.” You rush your parting sentence, as if you don’t want to keep, whoever is here to pick you up, waiting. 

“Y/N, you didn’t even rest your butt!” Jimin protests and you laugh. 

“It’s a special client, Jimin. I don’t have a choice.” you smile apologetically to him. 

The fact that you have smiled so many times already but not a single one was directed towards him. He knows he hasn't done anything to deserve your smiles but he craves for them regardless.

He wants to ask you how are you doing, if you are eating properly or not, if you are sleeping in time or do you still stay up reading books. He wants to ask for forgiveness, to say that he is sorry, to suggest that you move on and stop hurting because of him, but even before he could say a word… you are gone. 

Jimin jogs towards the balcony and he joins just to see who this special client of yours is. 

Never once during your relationship has he seen you working during the weekends, you also never accepted any gifts or lifts from your clients, and there was no reason for doing so since most of your clients are teenagers. 

But earlier you said you were changing, is that why it’s a tall and good looking man who is here to receive you? 

You come in the picture a minute or two later and walk towards your special client. Placing a hand on the small of your back, he guides you to the passenger seat. 

Jungkook can’t make out your facial features from the 5th floor, but he knows you are most definitely smiling. And the knowledge doesn’t sit right with him; rather it sets his senses on fire and that familiar overprotectiveness, possessiveness plague his mind. 

“Oooohhh-” Jimin sings song, “a young, handsome client, who might as well be something more.” 

“No. She is still in love with me.”  Jungkook grits his jaw at the sight of the car leaving, taking away you. 

Taglist:-

@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @sukunabitch @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel @xjoonchildx @justmewondering-recs @cuteipat @miakey98 @purpleanchorcrown @chimmisbae @ane102 @junniesoleilkth @terjeonbebas @kookssecret @appleh4ad @kayleeshinee @whoa-jo @definetlythinkimanalien @lovelgirl22 @agrika

[justmeinadaze]

Secret Sinners Part 3 (Steddie X You)

A/N: I have been thinking about this chapter and excited to write it since I came up with idea for Secret Sinners. After a rough therapy session my brain went to town so you're going to have a lot of angst and feels in this one but I hope you enjoy it because I did <3.

Warnings: Demon Steddie X Human Fem Reader, SMUT, DP, this time they are softer with her due to the angst, FLUFF, they love each other, Readers dreams are gooey with fluff :)

ANGST, they are put through the test Nancy mentioned in the last chapter and its not fun, all three deal with different insecurities, Reader sees visions of her demons as who they were before they were trapped as well as how they would be if they were like their dads, she does get hurt (slapped, demeaned verbally but brief), Eddie deals with the consequences of running, and Steve deals with his fear of being alone and trapped again.

Bit of a rough angst but not like my toxic steddie fics :)

Word Count: 8691

Series here

You smile from your place in the auditorium as you watch your mom dance on stage with some of the kids from her class. When you were growing up, you loved seeing her do her steps. She was always so graceful when she moved, as if ballet was the easiest thing in the world. 

Taking a hold of a little boy’s hand, she holds it in the air as he spins in fast circle with a big grin on his face as his long wavy locks slap his face. When he stops, he falls to the floor and giggles, scrunching his nose as he grabs his tummy. 

The music stops and you promptly clap your hands making your mom smile as the children head backstage. The little boy she was dancing with waves excitedly at you before following his classmates.

“Thank you, my love.”, she beams as she saunters towards the edge of the platform and jumps down to sit beside you. “So are you ready for this next adventure?”

“I am but I’m a bit nervous. Nancy said it would be rough and I don’t want to see them in pain. They’ve already been through enough.”

“You have to, baby.”

“I know, mama, but I can handle it.”

“Could you handle losing them?”

Her question startles you as you fully turn to face her. 

“Why would you ask me that?”

“Really think about that, Y/N. Could you handle not having them in your life in whatever capacity that may be…”

Your eyes snap open as you are met with the sound of whooshing and clinking as your demons continue to practice their sword fighting. Eddie pushes his weapon out of the way with his and grabs Steve by the throat before slamming him to the dirt below. 

“Wow, you really do suck now. Don’t ya, big boy?”, he teases. 

The other demon growls as he wraps his legs around him and spins him around until he’s straddling his partner underneath him. 

“I’m just rusty. I’m getting better again though.”, he grins before leaning down to kiss his lips. “Hey baby. Are you alright?”, Steve asks when he glances your way and sees you awake. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just another weird dream.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, Eddie, like I said I’m fine.”

Both demon’s blink as they glance at each other, sensing something in your tone. 

“Alright then, well, do you want to get something to eat before we get a move on?”

“No, I’d like to go to this place where this witch is. I’m tired of wondering and would rather just find out what we need to do so we can do it.”

“Babe, we can’t go in there with that mindset… the let’s get on with it ideal. Jonathan said he’s the only one that’s walked out with that potion. We have to be care—”

“I know what we have to do, Steve! You think I don’t worry about this 24/7! It’s been a week since we found out we need to do. Can’t we just go do it!?”

Both their eyes narrow in your direction as they try to control their tempers. Fully prepared to have a verbal fight with you, Eddie steps forward but stops when he notices your head turn away to hide the single tears that begin to fall. 

“Y/N, sweetheart. What did you see?”

“My mom. She asked me if I could handle losing you. She’s the second person to bring up losing one or both of you. Why?! I don’t get it. Haven’t we been through enough?”

Tugging you into his arms, the long-haired demon presses you to his chest as he rests his cheek on your head. 

“Edward, I’m scared.”

“I know, baby. We are to.”

“Y/N, if getting this thing requires us to separate or for you to lose us then, honey, we’ll just leave. I’m not letting go of you or Eddie. I don’t care what anyone says.”, Steve tried to comfort. 

“We’re going to do this together, princess. Everything will be alright.”

################

Clinging to your hand, you and Eddie follow Steve as you pass through into this new realm. Because it wasn’t as hostel as the others, they both felt you didn’t need a disguise but because they weren’t sure what you would be walking into they still brought all their weapons. 

“What is this place called?”, you asked.

“Uh, Espejismo.”

“Huh. Are all the realms named after something in Spanish?” The demon flashed you a questioning look so elaborates. “Espejismo means Illusion and Malvado is Evil.”

“Maybe just a coincidence?”

“How do you know Spanish?”, Eddie asked.

“My dad. He used to travel a lot of his work so he learned the basics for most languages.”, you smile softly at the memory. “Where are we headed to again?”

“Jonathan couldn’t give me details but he said we would know it when we saw it.”, he replied as he continued to look at the instructions the demon slayer provided him. 

As they walked down the street, something familar caught your eye. Without thinking, you crossed the area and stood outside a little shop as you watched a class of ballet performers do their warmups. You smiled to yourself as you watched the kids hold the bar and do their best to bend their knees the way they should. 

“Y/N! Baby, you can’t leave like that.”, Steve scolded as he followed your eyeline. 

“After my mom got sick, she taught classes like this. I would go with her sometimes during the summer and watch. I always asked her if she missed performing and she said that training new minds fulfilled her more than the applause ever did.”

Eddie softly smiled as he petted the back of your head before kissing your temple. 

“Hi there. My adult class isn’t until later.”, the teacher announced as she opened the door to her studio. 

“No, I’m sorry. I was just telling them about how my mother taught ballet.”

“Oh wow. That’s amazing. Do you dance as well?”

“Ha, no ma’am. I was born with graceful feet and trip when I walk normally so…”

The woman chuckles as her eyes scan over the three of you. You’re not sure if it’s because of her occupation or her kind demeanor but you feel safe with this person as if you could tell her anything. 

“Why don’t you guys come in and watch the rest of the class. They are supposed to perform acts from plays and pieces they enjoy.”

“We don’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense. Please! Come in.” Your demon’s apprehensively follow as they take in the surrounding. “I’m sorry we don’t have chairs but feel free to sit on the floor here.” After doing as she asks, the young lady turns to address the children in front of her. “Alright, kids. You have a bit of an audience today but please just behave normally and do your best. Show them what we got.”, she giggles before turning to you. “Are you ready for an adventure?”

Your smile falls as her words echo that of your dream. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong, honey?”, Steve whispers when he feels you stiffen beside him. 

“What’s the name of this realm again?”

“Espejismo. Why?”

Your hands immediately grab theirs as the lights in the studio go out and the kids begin their performance. Sullen music begins to play as a young lady dances into frame while another reads from sheets of paper in her hand. 

“Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, strong girl who worked every day being a mother to the realm around her. She made money at a job she hated to care for her father who was sick with a disease that also claimed her own maternal parent.”

Your demon’s eyes shot forward as they gripped tighter to you. 

“She slaved away in her day to day feeling lost and alone until she found a gem that housed her future. What she didn’t know yet was that this stone was home to two evil demons who were trapped by a deity who utilized their kind for certain tasks through the realms.”

Two of the younger boys danced out in front, grabbing the girl’s arms, and spinning her about.

“They whispered lies to her.”, murmured the kid reading the story in a low deep voice that gave you chills. “They told her they loved her—”

“That isn’t true! We do love her!”, Steve shouted rising to her feet. The girl tilted her head as she glared at him. One of the young men that had been portraying him in their dance spun in circles till he transformed into a vision of the demon’s father. 

“How can that be when you are incapable of love?”, the girl asked. 

“Steven! What the fuck are you doing, son? Do you want to die? You have to keep your hands closer together if you want to hit your target!”, his dad growled. The other performers transformed as well displaying themselves as himself as his mom. 

“Bill, come on. He’s just a boy.”

“That’s no excuse! He’s MY boy and I won’t have a kid who can’t fucking fight on the battlefield!”

“You were trained to fight, Steven.”, the girl continued. “Not love. Why do you think Nancy left? Or why you and Eddie were captured?”

“STOP IT!”, you screamed. “You’re hurting him!”

The lights flash and the teacher takes over telling her stories as an image of Chrissy bleeding to death appears in front of you and Eddie. 

“What about you, Edward? It’s your fault all the bad stuff happens right? You’re the reason the princess was murdered, why Steven had to kill a fellow solider and flee with you, being trapped in that stone as he lost his mind… even before you became a solider you were a problem.”

Eddie’s mother appears in front of him, sobbing on her knees as his dad towers over her. A tiny version of him runs to place himself between them holding up his fists, prepared to fight. 

“I swear to God, boy, you are always in the fucking way.”, his father grunted in anger. 

“And I always will be if you touch her again!”

“Do you think you can really beat me, you little punk?!”

“I think I can try, asshole!”

You run to the woman with Steve’s bat in hand ready to end their pain but as you swing a light blinds you before the world goes dark. 

***

“Y/N!”, Eddie screams as he finds himself in the castle back home that he had maneuvered around so many times. “STEVEN!?”

“Geez, would you stop fucking screaming?”

The demon’s eyes widen as he turns towards the voice that he heard behind the locked door next to him. As he peers into the room through the window in the door, he sees his father chained to the wall, bloodied and bruised. 

“I already get tortured every day. You don’t need to add to it.”

“Fuck you.”, Eddie spits. “You deserve what you got after what you did to us and then running, you coward.”

“Oh, I’m a coward? Excuse me, son, but didn’t you run to? If anything you’re worse than me. Not only did you run but you took your best friend down with you.”

Tugging on the handle, the demon finds that the room is accessible and stomps in coming face to face with this man he resents. 

“First off, I’m not your fucking son. Wayne and my mom helped raise me, not you.” That made his dad laugh sarcastically. “Secondly, I ran because I didn’t do the thing they accused me of.”

“You didn’t? You didn’t get Chrissy killed?”

“No.” 

“So you weren’t sneaking around with her behind her father and fiancés back? You weren’t planning on running away with her the night before her wedding? Funny, I heard a slightly different story.”

“That’s…that’s not why she was killed. That wasn’t… I didn’t…”

“You’re doing it again, you know. Being selfish and looking for this potion is going to get Y/N or Steve killed. Could you handle that?”

“EDDIE!”

Turning at the sound of his voice, the demon ran out of the room and down the long corridors as he listened to Steve scream his name. Bursting through a door, he froze when he found you both on the floor. You were in the exact same spot Chrissy had died in and his heart shattered. 

“Y/N? Baby…no, no, no. Please…”, he sobbed as he tenderly touched your face. “Wake up, sweetheart, please. Not again. Not again. Not—”

“Edward…”

Placing you gently back down, the demon crawled around the bed to find a limp Steve bleeding from his torso and his beautiful lips. 

“Steven, everything’s going to be alright, baby. I promise.”

“I-I-I tried to save Y/N but—”

“Shhhh…”, the long-haired demon cooed as he caressed his cheek and ran his fingers through his hair. “Don’t think about that right now, ok? We’re going to get you some help and then…”

The sound of clanking metal caused Steve to wince as he rolled to his side and grabbed Eddie’s shirt roughly in his hands. 

“Run, honey. If they catch you they’ll kill you this time. RUN!”

“NO! I’m not leaving you two. You both saved my life so many times. I’m not going anywhere! If we die, it will be together!”

The door banged open as guards pointed their weapons towards him. 

“Come on, Edward. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

Rising to his feet, he extended his arms out to them so he could be restrained. 

“I won’t.”

***

“Y/N! Eddie!?”, Steve shouted as he wondered the forest he had walked so many times growing up. 

“Steven.” The demon jumped at the sound of his mother’s voice. “Come on, son.”

Talking his hand, she guides him to his childhood house he had grown up in and leads him into the living room.

“Baby!”, he cried excitedly as he fell to his knees in front of the chair you were sitting in and took your hands in his. “Honey, everything is going to be ok, alright?”

“No, Steve. It won’t.” Your eyes glanced behind him and he quickly turned to see your parents, Wayne, and his father enter the room. 

“What’s going on?”

“Don’t you remember, sweetheart? We’ve been looking for a way to get Eddie out of the stone and—”

“Y/N, what are you talking about? Eddie isn’t in the stone anymore. YOU saved us by giving Maeve Henry.”

“No, Steven.”, Wayne sighed. “Y/N was able to make a deal with her to let you out but Eddie had to stay. Knowing my nephew he probably insisted on you going.”

“No…No! I never would have left him there alone! I love him and—”

“What does that mean? You love him.”, his dad sassed. 

Steve glared at him as he stood to his full height again and clenched his fists.

“I mean I love him, dad. We have dates, we talk, kiss, and fuck each other. I. LOVE. HIM.”

Bill growls as Steve’s mother tries to calm him. 

“Maybe we should let the little shit stay in the stone then.”

Taking ahold of his hand, you pull him down next to you as you kiss his cheek. 

“Steve.”, your dad grins softly in his direction. “We all wanted to talk with you today because it seems a new deal was presented to Y/N today. She talked to Maeve and there is a way to set Edward free.”

“Thank goodness.”, he sighed as his eyes continued to scan the room.

“The thing is, Y/N would have to take his place.”

“Fuck that. Are you fucking kidding me?!”, Steve roars as he rises to his feet. “No! Plus Maeve needs Demons and Y/N isn’t one.”

“For now.” His head swivels to look at you as you speak. “Baby, if we find that potion I would be strong enough and can take over.”

“No! We’ll find another way, Y/N.”

“There is no other way.”, Maeve confidently announced as she entered the room. “The deal is simple, Steven. Either she replaces him or joins him. Would you rather lose one or both?”

***

“Edward!? Steven?! I swear to God, if you hurt them!”, you shout as you continue to search for them. 

The sound of screaming fills your ears and you hastily turn around to see a small village go up in flames. You remember this from the vision they showed you of one of their summoners. 

“Lizzy.”

A young woman cackles as she throws the torch in her hands towards another building and it promptly bursts into flames. Slowly backing away, you bump into something hard, coming face to face with the demon’s you love in their demon form. Their red eyes glared forward with small smirks on their faces as they watched the area burn. 

“You see? I did it!”

“Good job, princess!”, Eddie grins as she runs into his arms and kisses his lips. 

“No.”, you whisper. “This isn’t how it happened.”

Elizabeth scoffs as he places her on her feet and she saunters over to you.

“Excuse me. This is my memory and I know what happened. I was there remember? You think demons sent to force people to kill others didn’t enjoy innocents being murdered?”

“They didn’t. Edward and Steven never wanted to kill beings they didn’t have to.”

Their eyes glow as they turn to face you, growling in your direction. 

“Look at you. Brave soul to use their real names.”

“Because it’s who they are! I love them for them.”

“What if who they are is a lie? They lied to you a few times, right?”

“They lied to protect me.”

“Hm. I wonder what else they are protecting you from.”

Elizabeth snaps her fingers and your body is thrust back into a different home near a forest you very much recognize. Your hands were covering your face and you removed them to find yourself kneeling on the ground with huge boots in your purview. Lifting your eyes, you gasp at the sight of a much larger demon standing over you with red glowing eyes. Raising his hand, he hits your face so hard you fall to side. 

“This is what Edward Munson is meant to be, Y/N.”, a female voice echoes through the room. 

Quickly getting to your feet, you try to run but you aren’t fast enough as rough palms grab your arms and turn you around allowing you to come face to face with an angry Eddie. 

“You’re so fucking pathetic, Y/N. No wonder our son is weak!”

He hits you again before tossing you through a door where you fall into a much nicer mansion style study. There’s another demon in the room, back to you as he leans over a desk with maps and papers spread out everywhere. The glass in his hand clinks as he turns around and you’re met with an equally annoyed Steve. 

“Fuck me, Y/N. How many times have I said not to bother me while I’m fucking working!”

“I…I didn’t…”

“I…I…really? Just get the fuck out of here and let me focus. I swear, honey, I love you but you’re just never going to be good enough if you don’t use your fucking brain. Now go check on our son and make sure he’s actually doing what I told him to.”

Your heart sank as you got to your feet and watched him sigh as you listened to the sound of Eddie stomping around as he shouted. 

“This is what Steven Harrington is meant to be.”, the voice spoke again. 

Shaking and completely unsure of what to do next, you threw your head back and screamed as loud as you could.

When you finally opened your eyes again, everything around you had disappeared and everywhere you turned was blank space until abruptly a woman you had never met appeared at your side. 

“Sh-Show me…the truth… I don’t need your tests or your fucking tricks! SHOW ME THE TRUTH!”, you shouted at her as tears fell down your cheeks. “Let me make the right decision for myself.”

***

Clenching his jaw, Eddie held his head high as he was pushed to his knees in front of the king. 

“I see nothing has changed. First you kill my daughter and now a high-ranking official’s son?!”

“We also found the body of a human female as well, sire.”

The king scoffs as he absently gestures every which way. 

“I don’t care about one nothing human. She’s not one of our people.”

“But she was one of mine.”, the long-haired demon growled, wincing when he was hit in the shoulder. 

“Just always a troublemaker, aren’t you?”

“I’ve been known to fuck up from time to time but I assure you, sir, Chrissy wasn’t one of them.” Something hit Eddie hard in the side as he toppled over in pain.

“I’m going to love the sound of your screams for the rest of your miserable existence.”

“Good. I’ll take anything you got because nothing is going to change the fact that I loved your daughter and she loved me! I would have done anything for her!”

“Like run?!”

“I fucked up!! I shouldn’t have run off. I was fucking terrified but to be honest with you, sire, if I hadn’t of run I never would have found Steve or Y/N.” One of the guards kicks him causing him to howl in pain before he continued. “Steven always says I kept him sane but the truth is he did that for me. The first time we made love, I’ll tell you, sire, I never felt fucking safer. He’s always afraid I’m going to leave him but the idea of not having him here…fucking kills me.”, he cries. 

“Y/N is the most gorgeous human I’ve ever met and I don’t just mean that physically. Her kind is despicable and selfish. We spent over 3,000 years watching mankind do unspeakable things but she’s different. She’s selfless almost to a fault. She’s brave and funny and so fucking smart. She absorbs everything we say and patiently explains things to us we may not understand. If she really is dead then I know she’s back in heaven because she was definitely an angel in her world!”

“So, if you want to torture me then FUCKING DO IT! Because I’m ready, sir. I’m not running this time and if they are gone then I’m ready to join them.”

The guards behind him aggressively lift Eddie to his feet and guide him away from the king before roughly pushing him through the double doors. 

***

Steve heavily exhales as his brain overloads with all the information he’s being provided. 

“Sweetheart.”, you coo as you run your fingers through his hair. “I’ll be ok. This is originally what I wanted remember? You two to be free and together.”

“Y/N, no. It will NOT be ok. I told you before that it would be hell for you because you would be alone and then it would be hell on earth because we would burn it down to set you free.”

“Hm. That feels vaguely like a threat.”, Maeve sasses. 

“Because it is.”, he counters as his eyes glow.

“Steven…” Grabbing his cheeks, you force him to look your way. “Then, maybe, I can go in there and stay with him. You can live your life and go home.”

“NO! I’M NOT LOSING YOU BOTH!”

“So you’ve made your choice then?”, the deity asks.

“No, goddamn it. Give me a minute and let me think!” Taking hold of your hand, he pulls you to the corner of the room so you can talk. “Honey—”

“It’s ok. I promise you. I love you so much and you both changed my life. Let me do this for you.”

His eyes scan yours before cupping your cheeks in his hands and passionately kissing your lips. 

“Tell Edward I love him.”, he whispers, tearing himself away from you and glaring at Maeve. “Take me.”

People in the room gasp at his response as you rush forward placing yourself in front of him. 

“Steve, no. You hated it in there.”

“I know. That’s why I won’t allow you to go and I won’t leave him there. Take me.”

“That wasn’t the deal, Steven.”

“Then make a new one, Maeve.” Her head tilts at his newfound attitude with her. “These are two people I love with all my heart. They’ve always been there for me especially this woman right here. I refuse to let her suffer for the rest of her life in that purgatory. She and Eddie have been through enough in this life—”

“And you haven’t?”, your mom asked him. 

“Oh please. What hardships has he gone through? Leading an army and being a mentor in a vacation house. That stone would be a nice reprieve I bet.”

Steve smirked as he bent down and placed his hands on his knees like he used to do with some of the children he trained. 

“Well, dad, why don’t you take Eddie’s place?” His father scowled at him, angrily turning away to avoid his son’s hard gaze. “Yeah, that’s what I fucking thought. You know, you always said I was weak and a coward but the truth is you are. I worked hard to get ahead and yet it was never enough. I found two beings who love me for me and I’d do anything for them.”

“You won’t get to see Eddie to say goodbye. As soon as I do this there’s no going back.”, Maeve warned. 

Steve’s bottom lip quivered at the thought of not even being able to see the man he loved but Eddie would understand. Turning towards you, he caught you as you jumped into his arms. 

“I love you, Y/N. You are an amazing, beautiful woman. You’ve shown me so much, baby. I wish I could have spent the rest of my life with you two.”, he whimpered his last sentence as he kissed your forehead before shoving you backwards and hastily moving forward. “Do it, Maeve.”

The last thing he heard was you shout as white light blinded his eyes.

***

They passed by you so fast as you stood there and took in all the memories. Eddie protecting his mom when his dad was drunk and enraged. Steve feeling inadequate as his father called him names and belittled him. You saw Wayne break as his nephew took his place in their militia. 

“Edward, I can’t let you do this.”

“It’s done, Wayne. I already did it and the king approved. I start training next week.”

You saw Steve catching Nancy as she packed her bags to leave. 

“That’s right, Nance. Just fucking run like the coward you are.”

“Steve, this isn’t my fault, okay?! I didn’t choose this. It just…is.”

“I thought you loved me…”

The training and combat were glimpses of things you had already seen including them meeting and their kills on the field. What was new was watching Eddie appear out of nowhere as the enemy soldiers were relaxing and playing his guitar, lulling them into a false sense of security while Steve and his team killed them. 

“Always amazing, dude.”, Robin beams as Eddie bows.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Congratulate him later and make sure none of these assholes are moving.”

“Yes, sir.”, she salutes sassily making him smile.

There were things they hadn’t told you that appeared before you. 

Eddie played his guitar making the girl in his bed swoon.

“You don’t have to keep wooing me, sir. I’m already here.”, she giggles. 

“Hey, maybe I’m serenading my best friend and his date. Not everything is about you, babe.”

Steve chuckled through a breathy moan from his spot on the floor in front of the bed as his head fell and he thrust harder into the girl underneath him. 

It amazed you how much cockier they seemed before their time on the run. You had never meet this version of them and a part of you thought if you had…you would have hated them. You assumed the memories of Chrissy were purposely skipped because you had seen them all before including the memory of Steve finding him and deciding to run with him. 

The memories that hit the hardest were the ones that involved their suffering. You saw them accidently bleed on Maeve’s gem and watched their first angry night in captivity.

“Fuck! Are you fucking kidding me!? We run and we still end up in a fucking prison!”, Steve shouts as he throws something across the room. “What the fuck do we do now?!”

“I mean…at least we don’t have to run anymore right? See different parts of the world and watch beings kill other beings.”

They lay side by side staring at the ceiling after their first time being intimate. 

“Eddie?”

“Hm?”

“Did I, um, are we…what was this?”

“Honestly, I’m not 100% sure. Since you initiated it, what would you like it to be?”

“Did…Did you like it? Being with me, I mean.”

“Did I like the sex or did I like being with you?”

“Um, both, I guess.”

Eddie rolled on to his side, capturing Steve’s face with his palm, and placed a tender kiss on his lips. After pulling away, he gently ran his thumb along the man’s bottom lip. 

“Yes.”

 They watched as Arthur’s father screams at his son, Steve glancing towards Eddie as he flinches. While his back is to them, the demon scoots closer to the long-haired boy and delicately pushes some of it behind his ear. 

“Are you ok?”, he whispered.

“Yeah. He just reminds me of my dad. It got me thinking if he ever talked to you that way if he found out about us.”, Eddie growled. 

Steve softly smiled as he kissed his cheek.

“I love you, Edward.”

“I love you to, Steven.

When you made it to their memories with you, you could barely view them through the haze of your tears. The three weeks they were tied to you they had so many conversations about things they wished they could do with you and show you back home. They constantly talked about how much they loved you and wanted to spend the rest of their lives with you. 

A few memories you hadn’t seen with your own eyes did stand out to you. You witnessed Steve tear Noah apart, them murmuring things to each other while EMS came to take your father, and a heated debate the night you asked them to leave you alone when you found out they had lied.

“We should have told her the truth. Now we fucking lost the best person we’ve ever met.”

“Maybe this is good, Steve.”

“What the FUCK are you talking about?!”

“The angrier she is at us the easier it will be for her to let us go. We’re going to lose her anyway.”

“Eddie, I love her! I can’t stand her last memory of us being us breaking her fucking heart.”

“We’re going to break her heart when we disappear!!”, he roared.

Their conversation ceased as they listened to you cry on the other side of the wall. 

“That’s our fault, Edward.”

The long-haired demon swallowed the lump in his throat as he quickly looked away. 

“I know, Steven.”

The last memory you see is you freeing them before you’re sounded by a white once again. 

“You say you love them for who they are but do you really understand what that means?”, the woman by your side muses as she begins to slowly walk around you. “They are killers, Y/N, and violent ones at that. In their world, that was praised as well as their lust for women of their kind. I imagine in the beginning being able to fuck a summoner was something they enjoyed greatly.”

“That was their past. They aren’t like that now.”

“You’re very forgiving. You forgave the man who cheated on you with your coworker while you were at home taking care of your father. Hell, you forgave that coworker and even allowed her to push you around. You forgave the heavens even though you prayed constantly that both your parents would get better and forgave all the people that abandoned you after they got sick. Let me ask you something. How do you know Eddie and Steve aren’t like those other people? How do you know they aren’t taking advantage of you?”

Her intensely beautiful eyes scan you over as you cry harder and shrug. 

“Because they’re still here.” 

The woman waits patiently for you to collect yourself so you can explain. 

“I freed them from their prison and even I thought they would want time alone to travel but they insisted on staying by my side. They found out they could finally go home and I begged them to go back but they knew doing that would mean they couldn’t be with me. I told them to do whatever makes them happy even if that doesn’t involve me yet here they are putting themselves through God knows what because they want to be with me for the rest of their lives. They love me and I love them…EVERY PART of them.”

The woman stops walking and gently smiles in your direction before gesturing towards some double doors. 

“I’ll be right in.”

#############

As you walk through, you come face to face with your demon’s hugging each other tightly.

“Oh my god. Look at your face. What happ—“, Steve interrupted himself when his eyes met your swollen, tear-filled one. “Y/N?! Baby, what happened? Are you ok?!”

Your knees buckled and Eddie quickly caught you as he winced himself, falling with you to the floor. 

“It’s ok, sweetheart. I know. We’re real, baby. I promise. It’s ok.”

Steve circled his arms around you both, rocking you along with Eddie. 

“Everything IS ok.”, the woman from before grins as she glides into the room and sits behind a desk gesturing for you three to sit in the chairs in front. “I’m Mirage by the way. If you couldn’t tell by the name of the realm.”, she grins. 

“What did you do to her?”, Steve growls as they both stand and place you behind them. 

Pushing them aside, however, you dry your eyes and take a seat, ushering for them to do the same. 

“I genuinely am sorry for the pain I caused especially to you, Y/N. You do seem like an extremely kind soul. You have no idea how many people come to me asking for this potion and the kind of people they are. I have to be very careful which is why I push so hard. I’ve only ever met one person I felt deserved this and now I’ve met two.”, she smiles handing you the black bottle. “Keep it safe. A regular human shot glass will keep you alive for a thousand years and make you strong like them. I feel I should also tell you—”

“I can get pregnant.”

Both their eyes whipped in your direction as she sighed, flashing you another soft smile. 

“Humans can’t impregnant demons which is why I didn’t say anything to Nancy and Jonathan. If you drink that potion that will now be something to take into account.”

You nodded before laughing under your breath. 

“You already know, don’t you? That’s another reason you showed me them being like their dads.”

“You did what?”, Eddie snarled as his hands gripped his chair tighter trying to control himself.

“Would I have survived the birth if you didn’t give me this potion?” Her eyes lock with yours and you can’t help but laugh again. “Sounds like you need some tests of your own if you would knowingly leave a boy without his mother. I did everything I could to keep my parents here and if I had known someone knew a way to save them and didn’t… You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“I live in a universe by myself, sweetheart. I create the world around me and none of it is real. Trust me… I amashamed but we do what we have to do to keep the peace.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”, you spit as you get to your feet and grab the bottle off her desk. “I want to go home please.”

Steve nods as he quickly creates the portal and guides you both through. 

#############

After stepping through, you silently walk towards your car where you three had left it and drove with them to the nearest hotel where you all crashed in bed wrapped tightly in each other’s embrace. 

The following morning you and Eddie felt extremely sore, Steve doing everything he could to take care of you both. Throwing his shirt to the side, Eddie waited patiently, flinching when the ice pack touched his body.

“I saw you both die.”, he abruptly announced. “Y/N, you had a knife in your chest…you were…already gone.” Your eyes became glassy as you scooted closer to him when his voice cracked. “The guards were coming and Steve told me to run but…I didn’t. Not this time. They kept hurting me while I faced Chrissy’s dad.”

“In mine, you were still in the stone and Y/N made a new deal with Maeve. It was either she takes your place or join you. Either I lost one of you or…both.”, Steve whispered his last word, clearing his throat before he continued. “I told her to take me. She said I wouldn’t get to say goodbye to Eddie or ever see you guys again. I made the same choice…take me.”

They both glanced your way but you avoided their eyes as you kissed Eddie’s shoulder. 

“You said…she showed you us being like our fathers?”, Steve urged.

“She showed me a lot of things…”, you whispered. 

“You can tell us, honey. It’s ok.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Help us to, baby.”, Eddie cooed gently as he turned his body to face you.

“I’ve never…been afraid of you. When you first appeared from the stone, I was scared of your appearance but… I saw Elizabeth and you both were happy she killed all those people. Mirage said you were evil…that’s who you were meant to be. Eddie, you grabbed me and hit me…told me I was pathetic and that I was the reason our son was weak.”

The long-haired demon closed his eyes as he tried to control his tears as his body shook beside you. 

“I ended up in this study where, Steve, you were going over maps and papers. Y-You said I was bothering you and that I was never going to be good enough if…”

“…you don’t use your fucking brain… Yeah, my dad said that to me and my mom a lot.”

“I’ve never been afraid of you before.”, you repeated as your voice trembled. “I, um, screamed at her and demanded she show me who you really are and allow me to make the choice for myself. I saw everything… you two killed so many beings…”

“It was our job, Y/N.”, Eddie murmured. 

“Was it your job to sneak up on defenseless soldiers with your guitar so Steve and Robin could kill them?”, you asked in an angry tone that had both their heads hanging. “Or how about all the demon women you both were with that you disrespected constantly? I wonder how Chrissy and Nancy got so lucky to get the versions of you before you were trapped.”

“Nancy was part of the reason I was like that.”, Steve growled. “No one had ever fucking hurt me the way she did but we were younger, Y/N. All we knew was death and sex especially Eddie and me. You saw how we were raised! Every day was a fucking war while we were there.”

“Did she insinuate that we enjoyed being trapped those first few years because we got to see people get killed and fuck the summoner if we wanted?”, Eddie asked, chuckling sarcastically when you nodded. 

“I heard you say it…on your first night.”

“I was trying to calm him down. Truth was we were both terrified but I needed to keep it together for him.”

“You didn’t have to take on that burden, Edward.”

“Yeah, well, I did, Steven.”

“What was your test?” When you didn’t immediately respond, a rumble immitted low from Eddie’s chest as he rose to his feet. “Was it if you would still love us and stay with us if we were those monsters you saw?! If we treated you like trash would stay?!”

Rising to your feet, your chest bumped his as you glared up at him with termination. 

“No, it was if I would still be weak like I was with everyone in my life if you two were using me like they had!” You shook your head as you flung your arms in the air angrily. “My ex, Carol, my boss, friends, family that disappeared, hell even fucking Henry thought they could use me because I never said anything! I never fought back! I had already been through so much and each time I got my hopes up even a little bit I got fucked over! The first time I ever fought back was when I saved you two!”

Eddie’s demeanor softened slightly at your admission as you continued. 

“You could have left a long time ago…but you haven’t. You could have gone home. I TOLD you to go home but you’re still here. I know you’re not like your dads or even how you were before…everything. I know that because if you were or I thought for one second you didn’t love me…I wouldn’t be here.”

To prove your point, you popped open the bottle of potion and chugged a good amount of it back before putting it back on the dresser. 

Cupping your face in his hands, the metalhead pulls you in for a rough kiss that has you both groaning into each other’s mouths. You cringe as the formula runs through you as you cling to his shoulders. 

“It’s ok. It doesn’t hurt as bad as last time.”, you grunt through the pain. 

“Y/N, I would never hurt you like my dad did. I would never lay my hands on you or Steve like that. I swear, princess. You’re both safe with me.”

“And our son?”

Eddie breathily laughed as he rested his forehead on your own. 

“That was real?”

“How do you know, Y/N? How do you know she wasn’t fucking with you?”, Steve asked with a small shake in his voice.

“She could have had you guys say kid or child. In my test you both mentioned our son. I’ve also…seen him…in my dreams.” Standing off the bed, the demon lifts you in his arms and lays you flat on the mattress behind you. “Is that ok? How do you both feel about that?”

Steve passionately kissed your lips, his tongue gliding across your own as the other demon comes to lay beside you as well. 

“Scared but ready. Hopefully, he’s more like you than us.”

“In my dream, he had your hair, Edward and Steven’s smile. He was dancing with my mom and having so much fun.”

You started to cry again causing them to panic slightly as both demon’s wrapped their arms tightly around you. 

“I’ve never been afraid of you before.”, you repeated again. “I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t real but I didn’t like it. Even worse, I know it was real for you two because you went through that.”

“No reason to be sorry, honey. I’ve been to many different realms but none like that one. Baby, I swear, I will never talk to you, Eddie, or our son like that. I love you three so much. Like he said, you’re safe with us.”

Tenderly moving you onto your back, Eddie kisses your tummy and up your body, kissing the bruising that was beginning to form along the side of your face. 

“Me to, princess. I love all three of you.”

Reaching over you, he unbuttoned Steve’s pants and helped him slide them down his legs as you lifted your own over his hip. Changing back into their demon form, they both groaned at the feel of your skin against theirs as Eddie spit into your cunt before taking hold of the other demon’s cock and guiding it into your entrance. 

As he slowly thrust into you, your arm circled around his neck and mewled as your fingers ran through his hair while his lips kissed your own. 

They were both being incredibly soft with you and you appreciated the change especially with everything that happened. The truth was they needed that just as badly as you did. Both demons thought they had lost you and the other feeling utterly helpless. They needed to feel every part of you and each other to remind themselves that THIS was their reality and not what they were shown. 

Placing himself between your legs, Eddie’s tongue flattened as he licked along Steve’s cock as it pumped in and out of you while also taking time to suck and flick the muscle along your clit making you moan.

“Fuck, that feels so fucking good.”, Steve whimpered as he rested his head against the side of yours. “Can you see him, honey? Eddie knows how to take care of us.”, he grunted as quickened his pace.

As you tilted back to kiss him, Steve’s palm tangled in the other demon’s hair, pressing him further into you causing you to pant heavily as you tried to focus in on all the sensations you were feeling. 

“Please…please don’t stop.”

“Mmm—cum, pretty girl. Cum on Edward’s tongue, baby.”

After sliding his cock out of you, it was promptly replaced with Eddie’s tongue and expert fingers moving at a blistering pace till you screamed his name as the coil in your tummy snapped while grinding your hips against his motions. 

“Good. Good girl.”

They continued whispering praises to you as the metalhead climbed the length of your body and the other demon positioned you more on your side with your back against his chest. Eddie whimpered as he guided himself into your dripping, sensitive core as Steve hissed while pushing his length into your ass. 

You desperately clung to them with their heads falling on either side of your nook as they thrust their hips at a slow but firm rhythm. Their eager pants warmed your skin as they pumped their cocks impossibly deep with you, moaning as you dragged your nails down Eddie’s back over his tucked away wings. 

As your fingers ran through Steve’s hair and along his horns, they both leaned over you to exchange a kiss as they began pounding into you.

“F-Fuck, please.”

“I know, baby. We—shit—we can feel it. Cum, sweetheart.”

Both demon’s lips attached to your neck as Eddie reached down to massage your clit while your eyes rolled back and whimpered their names. To your surprise (and delight), the long-haired demon came with you, filling you up as your cunt clenched tightly around him. 

Steve’s hand clasped around your neck lightly as he chased his high before his rhythm faltered and grunted as he released his seed inside of you. 

You did everything you could to keep your eyes open for them but with the heaviness of the day and them making you feel good, the tiredness overtook you as you fell asleep in their embrace.

***

As your eyes opened, you were still in bed at the hotel but you were wearing one of Eddie’s shirts with Steve’s boxers tucked tightly under the covers. Freeing your arms to stretch, an extra weight in the bed moved startling you slightly till you noticed the little head with black curls.

Grinning, you scooted down so your face was level with his as you watched the little demon sleep. Your fingers gently traced along his face making your smile grow when his skin didn’t cause you any pain. Your hand moved along his back, feeling the tiny growth of wings that were beginning to sprout. When he opened his eyes, they were red with a hint of your own color shimmering up at you with nothing but love. 

“Hi, mommy.”

Your chest caved in as a cry escaped your throat at the sound of his voice. It wasn’t deep like theirs but soft like your own. 

“I’m sowwey, mommy. Did I make you sad?”, he asks as his little hands reach up to dry your eyes.

“No, sweetheart. You didn’t make mommy sad. You’re just so handsome!” When he giggled at your compliment his mouth opened wide like Eddie’s as a loud cackle exuded from him. “How are you, baby? Are you alright?”

He nods, scrunching his little nose in thought. 

“Mommy, are my daddy’s nice like you?”

“Of course, honey. Why do you ask?”

“I only know you.”, he responds as he touches your stomach. “An granma an granpa.”, he chuckles as he points at the light outside of the window.

You try to contain your tears of joy so you don’t frighten him again.

“I wanna meet dem but they don’t have a door like you.”, he says as he points to your forehead. 

“Yeah, your mommy’s weird.”

“No, mommy!”, he laughs making you smile. 

“Do you want me to tell them something for you?”

The small demon’s nose scrunches again as he thinks. 

“Tell dem Ellis says I love you!”

Your eyes flutter open as light pours into window of the hotel and you feel gentle hands running along your arms.

“Hey, princess. You alright? You were kind of mumbling in your sleep.”

“I saw him again… our son.” Steve lifts his head and rests his cheek on your shoulder from behind you. “He looks like both of you. How can that be?”, you whisper.

“Honestly, baby, this is kind of out of bounds for us. If we had known you drinking that would have gotten you pregnant… I guess like Maeve said, ‘When you meddle in the abstract…’”, Eddie murmured back as he caressed your face.

“Maybe someone back home would know. I mean maybe the little buttheads can find something.”, Steve teases making the two of you laugh softly. “Tell us more about him, Y/N; our son.”

After describing what you saw, they both smile as they paint a picture of him in their heads. 

“I wish I could talk to him to.”

“He said he’s tried but you two don’t have a ‘door’ like I do.”, you emphasis by tapping your forehead. “I guess that’s a unique way to explain my gift. He wanted me to tell you something. He said, ‘Tell them Ellis says I love you.’”

At the mention of his name both your demon’s locked eyes as Eddie released a heavy exhale. 

“Baby, when we were trapped, we talked a lot about so many different things. One night, I asked Eddie if we ever had kids what would their names be. I told him I didn’t have any preference because I don’t have any family I’m really close to except him even before. He said if it was a girl, Elizabeth, because that was his mother’s name. If it was a boy—”

“Ellis because it’s close to that. Fuck…”, he cried as you tilted forward to kiss his lips. “You guys didn’t have to do that. Y/N has family and stuff we could have named him after.”

“We can do that next time.”

Again, his head shot up to look your way.

“Y-You’d want more kids with us?”

“I mean, yeah. I’m not exactly sure if I can after this one. Like you said this is new territory but if we can…”

Both demon’s cling to you like little kids as they smile and kiss your face.

“So, now I get to see your home?”

“Yeah, baby, you do.”

######################

@tlclick73 @tiannamortis @steeldaisies @goodhappyfriday @paleidiot @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes

@strangerthings64 @howlingco @eddiesguitarskills

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[hidden-for-reg]

july 3: boggart | @jegulus-microfic | word count: 654

*surgeon x patient au*

previous part, part one

When James had stepped into Regulus' room he hadn't been ready at all. Regulus had been avidly texting Evan and wasn't prepared at all for James of all people to just saunter in his room. He hadn't even knocked. As a result, Regulus jumped with a start, clutching his chest. He relaxed, but only slightly, when he saw it was James who had interrupted his gossip session with Evan. Regulus hastily turned his phone off, mentally willing Evan not to blow up his notifications while he was busy talking to James. Evan had a habit for freaking out if Regulus didn't respond within 10 seconds. Quite similar to how Barty would freak out if Regulus didn't show him enough love.

A package deal from the beginning, Evan and Barty were Regulus' best friends, annoying as they may be in their own, unique ways each. Evan and Barty had been dating for a solid 3 years, although those 3 years had more than a few break ups and get-back-togethers. Regulus was pretty sure though that despite their overdramatic tendencies, Evan and Barty really did love each other. Pandora and Regulus even had a bet going for who would propose first. 

Regulus raised an eyebrow at James. "Obviously no one's ever taught you to knock?" He rolled his eyes, fighting the tiny smile that was threatening to dawn on his lips. "You scared me like a boggart, James."

James didn't respond to Regulus' quips, he simply went to stand at the foot of his bed, wearing another one of his stupid, dazzling grins. He fluttered his eyelashes just slightly, and Regulus hated that his heart did a flutter at the same time. "You paged?" James asked, voice coated in honey. 

Regulus stiffened just slightly, making a desperate, last-ditch attempt to fix his into something neutral. "Y-Yes." Regulus internally screamed at himself for his stutter. "I've decided I want the surgery."

"That's all you paged me for? Just to tell me that?"

"Yes." Regulus swallowed. For some reason, he wanted nothing more than to drag James closer. But he also wished for James to just leave. Regulus was annoyed with himself and was afraid he might take that out on James. "You can leave now."

James laughed and Regulus could've choked on the sound. "Actually, I have to stay and give you information about getting the surgery," he replied, coming around to sit next to Regulus on his bed. Regulus moved over instinctively without even thinking about what he was doing. He felt his face flush when James' leg brushed against his own. 

"Well, get on with it then," Regulus answered stiffly. 

"The surgery is called Open Reduction and Internal Fixation. In the surgery I'll be setting the bone fractures with some screws. We'll be doing this as soon as possible to try to prevent any further injuries," James told him. 

Regulus nodded. He wasn't really listening due to the... distraction right in front of him.

"After the surgery though, it could take anyway from 3 months to a year for you to recover," James continued, "your knee is gonna hurt, be swollen, and stiff. You might need a brace for it, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there, love. You'll be needing some physical therapy and you won't be able to drive for about 6 weeks."

Regulus absentmindedly nodded again. He hadn't caught a single word.

"Oh, and you'll also be needing a pair of crutches," James added. He poked the tip of Regulus' nose, drawing him back to the present and out of yet another fantasy, where he may or may not have a starring role. "You still with me, Reg?"

Regulus blinked. "Um, yes." Blinked again. "Don't call me that."

"Okay, Reggie," James smiled again when the other boy scowled. "Now, I've got to tell you about the possible complications."

Regulus nodded. It might not hurt to try to focus this time.

next part

[bluehoodiewoozi]

The First Step

Boo Seungkwan x fem!Reader

Genre: angst, fluff, coming of age

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: mental breakdowns. adulting is hard. food mentions. mutual pining. 

[Series: Serenity Street 17] Your neighbour witnessed your mental breakdown and decided to take you under his protective wing.

The first step is always the hardest. 

You found yourself repeating the mantra to yourself day and night after moving into your new apartment. It was a free comfort. 

No more parents, siblings or roommates. Just you, yourself, and your new independence, in an apartment that you were almost entirely responsible of. You could decorate to your own desires, you could sleep until noon without anyone judging, you could get as many houseplants and paintings and chairs and blankets as you ever wished. 

You had smiled brightly when you first placed your three plates into the cupboard and fluffed the cushions on the sofa. You had laughed in joy when you played your music out loud without anyone telling you to lower the volume. These were your first steps into adulthood and the first steps were always the hardest. 

At first the mantra seemed to work and you didn’t feel too awful about your newfound independence, but after a while, the words lost their magic.

How many steps could be the counted as the first ones? Who’s to say if you had already taken all of them and all that was left was adult misery?

Now, a month into living entirely on your own, you were on the breaking point. You paid rent and bills for the first time and you realised a crucial fact: you were entirely alone. 

For some reason, today, this thought made your return from work uneasy. You weren’t entirely sure you wanted to go there at all. Would it be too late to catch a train to your old home?

The lift moved upwards too fast for your liking that day. You opted for the slow route the stairs provided. Just so you could feel miserable for a little longer. Just to have a little more time to comfort yourself.

Four floors of stairs should have been more than enough to resolve the conflict raging in you. At the very least it should’ve distracted you. But the travel did neither and you were just as miserable – if not more – when you reached the door of apartment 4A. 

As you stared the number, feeling somehow hollow at the thought of spending yet another night alone, lonely and miserable, something warm touched your cheek. It rolled gently along the skin. A single tear.

You scoffed at the idea of crying over something so silly. There was no way you were crying. Absolutely no way; you brushed the tear off your cheek and sniffled while searching your pockets for the key. 

Your hands were shaking. Why were they shaking? Why was the entire world seeming to shake around you, mocking your loneliness?

“Hey, are you okay?” a soft voice sounded from your left.

Hastily, you brushed any tears off your face and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

It was easier to ignore the way your voice cracked in the middle of the sentence. But the person worrying for you seemed to think otherwise. He sighed.

“There’s no use in lying to me, you know,” he told you matter-of-factly while taking slow steps closer to you. “I’m kind of like a human lie detector.”

“It’s fine. It’s whatever.” You shook any ideas of telling him out of your head. You had no interest in having a therapy session with a stranger. 

Yet tears still fell as you held the key up to the hole it was supposed to fit in. You brushed them off again before a streak of black became visible on the sleeve. You scoffed. “And now my make-up’s ruined! Great!”

“Here,” the man offered and took the key from your shaking hands. He unlocked the door for you and led you inside with a gentle hand on your upper back. “There we go. You look like you need to lie down for a little.”

You opened your mouth to argue. Only a breathless sob came out as you nearly fell onto the sofa. Your own body was betraying you in front of a stranger.

“I’m Seungkwan,” he offered, as if reading your mind and the doubts inside of it, “I live in 4B. So, I’m not a complete stranger. You can trust me, even if it’s just a little.” He then grimaced a little. “Or, if you really don’t trust me, you can just report me to Lee Jihoon. I’m sure he’d be glad to yell at me for causing an already-crying person distress.”

For some reason, his words made you feel a little better. Maybe it served as a distraction. Maybe it reminded you that you weren’t as alone in this building as you felt. 

“Would he really yell at you?” you asked in a meek voice when your cries subsided after a little a while. 

As your eyes slowly cleared, you found yourself staring at a friendly-looking man, his hair a dark tousled mess, his grey sweater covered in patches of white dog fur, and a pair of bunny slippers on his feet. He seemed nothing if not friendly.

Seungkwan scoffed at your question. “Jihoon would yell at me for fun on a random Wednesday midnight. He once chewed me out for removing a silly post-it note off the notice board.” His feet nudged yours. “Have you met him yet? He’s the building owner’s son so he’s sort of in charge of all the tenants. How long have you lived here anyway? I think I was out of town when you moved in.”

“A month now.”

“A whole month? And this is the first time we’ve talked?” He seemed puzzled, flabbergasted, and almost offended. “That’s strange. I’m usually friends with everyone within a week.”

You sighed and stared at your feet. “I’m not the most sociable type. Sorry.”

Immediately he frowned. “What are you apologising for? It’s fine. We’re going to be friends now.” He said it with such conviction that you had no option but to trust him. 

Maybe you just liked the thought of having a friend in this building. Someone to talk to and vent to and to offer you emotional support. A friend, finally. 

“Did you have dinner yet?” he asked soon after. “If you don’t feel like cooking, we can share mine? I made too much food again anyway.”

“I…” You really doubted you should agree. He was still, essentially, a stranger. Your neighbour, sure, and a possible future friend, but you knew nothing about him outside of his overly kind nature. Perhaps you were feeling desperate for some company that night, or maybe you wanted to take yet another first step – you said yes. 

Within fifteen minutes, Seungkwan had covered your coffee table with plates full of side dishes and rice. He smiled brightly as he watched you eat your first mouthfuls. And it seemed that just as fast as the impromptu dinner started, it ended. Soon, your stomach was full as was your heart and your mind felt a little bit more at peace now. 

“See, you look happier already,” he cooed and offered you a sweet look that made butterflies fly just a little in your lonely heart. “Eat some more. If we can’t finish this, I’ll have to bring these to the sixth floor to Vernon again and I just don’t have the energy to deal with him today.”

“I can’t fit any more food in me,” you whined and fell further into your soft sofa. “I’m going to burst at this rate. Why do you cook so much anyway?”

He shrugged. “Force of habit. I used to room with Vernon and Junhui in 6A and they eat a lot, but they’re such a mess that I just couldn’t take it anymore and moved to 4B when the possibility came.” He ate a mouthful of kimchi before adding, “Best decision of my life.”

Your heart felt heavy again. “Did you ever feel lonely after you moved into 4B?”

“Lonely?” He blinked at you. “Lonely how?”

“Like you’re all on your own again and you don’t have anyone to depend on? Like you’re entirely responsible for your life now? And now if you break the washing machine you have to replace it entirely out of your funds?”

You watched him as the reality of your situation sunk in. His lips fell into a pout the more he thought about it. 

“Is that why you were crying earlier?” he asked gently. “You’re scared of living on your own like this?”

“It’s not that I’m afraid,” you corrected with a deep breath between the phrases, “but it is all a little scary. It’s like the real life has just begun.”

“Because it has,” he reminded you with a gentle pat on the back, “but that’s the best part. You’ll get used to it soon, you’ll find more friends soon, and then you’ll have people to depend on and you’ll know what to do. It just takes a little time to figure it out.”

You sighed. It came out a little shaky. “Will you help me? Will you help me figure it all out?”

He offered a smile. “If you want my help, absolutely. And if you want the help of other people in this building, just say the word, and they’ll all come running to help you fix your washing machine, okay?”

You let out a laugh, and though it wasn’t quite cheerful yet, it was getting there slowly, just as you were getting used to your situation slowly. 

“But to answer your question,” Seungkwan began after a moment of thought, “yes. I felt lonely at first. I kept going back to 6A in the evenings, just lounging on their couch as they ate my leftovers. I still cook for three even though it’s just me.” He sighed. “I did get a dog though, so that’s good. I never could’ve gotten a dog living with those two. They’re both cat people.”

“Should I get a pet too?” you wondered for a moment, more just to have a thought than to actually consider it. 

Seungkwan looked around the apartment for a moment, then turned to give you a glance and a smile. “I think maybe start with a houseplant first. If you need someone to water it when you’re out of town, just call me or any of the other tenants. I think Chan and Anna both have a knack for plants. Just don’t call Jihyeon – she’s as forgetful and lazy as they come.”

Feeling a little lighter after hearing his words, you decided to joke, “And if I break my washing machine, which tenant do I call then?”

Seungkwan took a bite of rice and radish. He chewed thoughtfully before deciding, “Joshua from 3A. He’s good with this kind of stuff.”

Funnily enough Jihoon had told you the exact opposite: to avoid asking for Joshua’s help at any cost. You laughed at the contradiction. This time laughter didn’t feel so difficult. 

Little did you know, it was at this moment that Seungkwan made a silent promise to protect your smile for as long as you would allow him.

He quickly became your best friend in the entire city. It came easy with the way he always seemed to return from his morning run just as you were leaving for work. The at-first hesitant bows and smiles quickly turned into cheerful waves and morning news. And just like that, you had a friend. You didn’t feel so lonely anymore.

“Oh, I hate to ask this, but do you mind if we have dinner together tonight?” he had asked you this morning, his face still red from the physical exertion. “My cooker broke last week and I’m about to go insane if I don’t get a home-cooked meal.”

You had shrugged and told him, “Fine, but you’re cooking.”

Truthfully, you almost forgot about your promise at work. There was so much to do, and so little time. The memory of the morning exchange only came to you as you walked into the building on Serenity Street. You wondered if Seungkwan had known you’d be too exhausted to cook dinner that night. 

The thought of warm food on your mind, with a newfound vigour, you stepped into the lift and pressed the button for the 4th floor. Before long – but just long enough that you felt a little impatient – you were at your destination, and so was Seungkwan.

He was once again wearing his bright smile, red pyjama pants and a grey sweater (this time it didn’t have any dog fur at least). His hair was still a tired mess and he was wearing his signature bunny slippers as he waited outside of your door. 

“Good evening, my wonderful neighbour,” he declared loudly the moment you stepped into his view. 

You offered him a playfully dramatic bow and unlocked the door, opening it for him. “What’s on the menu today, my good sir?”

He snorted at the honorific and practically ran to throw his phone onto the coffee table and himself onto your sofa as if it was his own home. “Whatever the master of the house wishes. I can cook well.”

“In that case,” you contemplated for a bit before deciding on your latest craving, “pancakes?”

“Pancakes?” He hummed in agreement but made no movement to remove himself from your sofa.

You lifted your foot to nudge him with it. “Do you not have a sofa of your own? Or, like, a bed?”

He grunted and closed his eyes tighter. “My sofa isn’t as soft. Seriously,” he sat up just a bit to give it a once-over, “where did you get this thing from? It’s like a luxury item.”

“I don’t know, it was here when I moved in,” you laughed. “Ask Jihoon.”

He fell back into the softness and moaned in content. “I will. The next time I see him.”

You shrugged off your coat and sat down next to him, lifting your legs onto the sofa and, when you realised you could have more fun with it because this was your sofa, you threw your legs over his thighs. He only hummed and gave your calf a soft pat. 

When a few minutes had passed of just relaxing and becoming one with the couch, you finally felt your tummy grumble. So, you nudged Seungkwan. “Hey, when are you going to make pancakes?”

Seungkwan sighed. “Do I have to?”

“You promised.”

“I also promised my mom I’d stop eating convenience store snacks every other day, and yet here we are.”

“So, you’re not going to make me pancakes?”

He hummed affirmative. 

You shook your head in mock disappointment. “Guess I’ll have to report you to Jihoon then. Such a shame. I’m sure he’ll love to yell at you though.”

His eyes opened just a little to glare at you. When you offered an innocent smile, he groaned and sat up properly. “And to think I took you under my wing because you seemed like such a shy little sweetheart.”

“Are you suggesting I’m not?”

“You might actually be the devil.”

“Ouch. Now, make us some pancakes.”

Seungkwan sighed deeply and reached for his phone. You watched curiously as he unlocked it. “Hey, Siri?” He paused for a moment before sighing once again and asking, “How do you make pancakes?”

Your laughter quickly filled the apartment, unable to believe he didn’t know how to make something a simple as pancakes. What a great cook!

“Do you want me to cook instead?” you teased as he read over the instructions provided by his phone. “I think I’ll do better than you.”

He offered you a mild glare. “I’d like you to put a bit more trust in my ability to cook, neighbour.”

“I’d trust you if you didn’t have to ask Siri for a pancake recipe,” you retorted with a laugh and relaxed into the couch.

“I’ll show you!” He stood up abruptly, pushing your legs off his own, and offered you yet another mild glare, a bit more playful than irked.

You hummed. “Let me know if you need any help.”

“I won’t need any help. I’m not five.” He stuck out his tongue before laughing at his own silliness and waddling to the kitchen while mumbling to himself, “I’m like a child today; what’s going on?”

Deciding to give Seungkwan the benefit of a doubt, you remained in your seat and picked up your phone to pass the time. He was an adult man, so surely he could make pancakes on his own.

Barely two minutes passed – complete with the sound of cupboards being opened and closed – before you felt a gentle tap on your shoulder. Seungkwan stood behind the couch, looking like a sheepish child with the way he slumped and pouted in your front of your eyes.

You blinked up at him. “... Yes?”

He pouted some more. “Where’s your mixing bowl?”

“I thought you didn’t need help.”

“Just tell me where the mixing bowl is and I won’t ask for any more help,” he vowed but somehow the both of you knew it was an empty promise. Still, you got up and helped him out. 

Watching him cook would at least distract you from your exhaustion. 

Five minutes passed and you found yourself questioning your decision to let him into your kitchen at all. As he continued adding more and more flour to the mix, you tapped his wrist. “I’m not entirely sure that’s correct.”

“Are you questioning my judgement?”

“Absolutely. You’re going to break our teeth.”

He blinked at you. “Isn’t the mix supposed to be thick?”

“You’re not baking a cookies, you’re frying pancakes.” 

“... Is that why not even Vernon liked my pancakes?” he realised, looking as annoyed as he did heartbroken. “No one ever told me the mix was supposed to be lighter.”

“I’m telling you now,” you told him with a laugh and a gentle pat on his head. “The mix is ready, you just have to fry it now. Do you want some help?”

He scoffed. “I’ve got this part down, I’m sure. I’m not that dumb.”

“I’m not saying you’re dumb,” you whined in response, “I’m just saying that this will take you forever do make on your own and I’m hungry now. I’m gonna faint at this rate, Seungkwan.”

“Fine, fine,” he sighed and put his hands up in defeat. “You get the pans, I’ll turn the cooker on.” He clicked his tongue at your excitement. “You’re so lucky we’re friends.”

Unfortunately your friend couldn’t always be there to comfort you and offer amusement after a long day. 

“Leave your message after the signal,” you heard his voice repeat back to you when you tried to call him on your way home. The things you would’ve done for just one minute of his company after this Friday.

It had been a horrible day all around, ever since you opened your eyes. You woke up late, the lift kept jolting weirdly when you tried to leave the building, then you were late to work and making mistakes left and right, eventually spilling your hot drink on your legs during lunch break – all around terrible and horrible and awful. 

All you wanted was your best friend’s support. 

“Leave your message after the signal,” his voice asked you once again, the pre-recorded message just playing back every time you dialled his number. You’d have to spend this lonely and bad evening on your own.

As you entered the apartment building, you just about started crying on the spot right in front of the lift. 

“Out of service due to a mechanical error. Sorry :(” read the building owner’s son’s handwriting on a white piece of paper taped to the doors.

Of course the lift was broken on this particular day. Tears were already burning in your eyes, but at least you now knew why the lift had been so shaky in the morning. 

You took a deep breath and turned towards the stairs. To your dismay, the building owner just so happened to enter the hallway when you turned that way. He offered you curious look. “Hey, are you okay? Is this because of the lift? It should be fixed by next week.”

You wished it had been just about the lift. You replied with a shake of your head and headed up the stairs. He called after you but you decided to ignore it. You needed the comfort of either you best friend or no one, but not a stranger you only saw once a week.

The door of your apartment could not have been further away. When you finally reached it, another horrible reality hit you. 

You felt your pockets, rummaging through them with increasing panic. Soon you were crying while desperately searching your pockets and bag. Finally, it became clear: you had forgotten your apartment key in your desk drawer at work. The mental image of shutting said drawer as you left work seemed to echo in your mind. You slumped against the door and sat on the floor with a sob.

“Hey, are you okay?” your other friendly neighbour asked. 

Jihyeon was her name and she was a college student living in apartment 4D – the least least renovated apartment in the building, and thus the cheapest one. You only knew about her through Seungkwan’s retellings of his playful feud with said neighbour. 

Could you consider a friend to confide in?

“Did something happen?” she wondered and rushed to kneel in front of you. “Do you want me to call someone?”

“I can’t get into my apartment,” you eventually told her through tears. “God, this day has been absolutely horrible.”

She frowned at your words and reached out to pat your shoulder. “I don’t have the spare key of 4A either. I don’t know if even Jihoon does. Do you want me to go ask him?”

You dreaded going back to the first floor to ask for Jihoon’s help when he’d already witnessed you have a break-down over what he must have assumed was the lift. You figured you’d rather just sleep on your welcome mat.

“I guess that’s a no,” Jihyeon concluded hurriedly and pulled you into a gentle hug when you started crying just a little harder. Crying into her shoulder felt a little safer, at least. “There, there, I’ve got you.”

“What’s going on here?” you heard a familiar voice you’d been longing for after what felt like hours of crying.

Jihyeon let you keep crying as she answered, “She had a bad day and she doesn’t have her key. She’s been crying for 15 minutes now.”

Seungkwan let out a little whine. Then you felt a pair of arms wrap around you, gently pulling you away from Jihyeon’s comforting embrace. The smell of Seungkwan’s cologne did wonders to you. 

“What happened, hm?” he asked you softly when your cries let up a little.

“I forgot my key at work,” you told him, unsure if you could recount the rest of your day without crying more yet. “I just want to eat dinner and sleep all of this off.”

The feel of his lips on your forehead was unfamiliar. Another first step. You wondered how hard it was for him. Was it was difficult at all.

He then offered, “Do you want to come to my apartment? I’ll make you some food and you can sleep a little.” 

You nodded so lightly that you wondered if he’d realise you did it at all. But Seungkwan knew you better than anyone in this building – and possibly this entire town – and he knew perfectly well what you meant.

He leaned down to offer you a little smile before helping you onto your shaky legs. His key was ready in his hand already, just waiting to unlock the door. 

When you stepped into his apartment, you quickly realised that in your months of friendship, you hadn’t been to Seungkwan’s home even once. He always came to your apartment, often with dinner and a wide smile. Today you came into his apartment, with a sad heart and eyes full of tears.

“Here, I’ll take your coat.”

You let him do as he pleased. You didn’t even protest when he just about dragged you to his sofa and placed a soft throw blanket over your lap. As tears dried, you just felt a little numb. You distracted yourself from the empty feeling with the affection of Seungkwan’s little white dog. The small animal had made his way into your lap and seemed to greatly enjoy tummy rubs.

“I think he likes you more than he likes me,” you hazily remember Seungkwan telling you at one point. 

Your sense of time must have also been affected because you could’ve sworn dinner was ready within mere minutes and it was finished just as fast. In reality over an hour had passed.

“Do you want to stay the night?” he offered while encouraging you to nap on his sofa. “Then you could sleep in your own bed instead of my sofa– Actually, do you want my bed? I can’t let you sleep on this thing made of bricks.”

“It’s not too bad,” you managed to tell him over the edge of the blanket. The dog had also settled down with you under the fleece material, happy to rest his little head on your arm.

He raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Are you insane? You’ll get back problems.”

“You don’t have to give up your bed for me,” you told him as he began dragging you towards his bedroom. “I’m fine on the sofa.”

“No, I’m fine on the sofa. You had a hard day and deserve the best sleep,” he declared and began searching through his drawers when he eventually got you to sit on the soft mattress. Before you could even say anything, he handed you a t-shirt and some shorts. “I can’t let you sleep in your work clothes either. These will be more comfortable.”

He left the room without giving you the chance to protest. So, you did as he expected and dressed in his clothes. Something about them felt so comforting that you found yourself regretting the thought of rejecting them. 

“There you go,” Seungkwan told you just a few minutes later, placing the blankets over you in a motherly manner. He had made sure to bring the fleece throw he had given you on the sofa, as well as the white little dog – Bookkeu was his name. 

“He’ll keep you warm at night,” your friend joked and gave the dog a little pat on the head. The dog didn’t seem to mind and just snuggled further into your side. “I’ll leave you to sleep now,” Seungkwan whispered after pressing just one more small kiss to your forehead. “If you need anything, I’m in the living room. Good night.”

Whatever his bed was made of, it was the best sleep you had had since moving into the building. You felt at home in his room, his dog by your side, and sleep still heavy in your eyes. 

When you finally woke up on Saturday, your brain was less emotionally distressed and more annoyed. As you sat there, you wondered if you’d have to spend the entire weekend in Seungkwan’s apartment – your one houseplant would die of loneliness (but mostly underwatering). 

Deciding this was a problem to be solved after breakfast, you stumbled out of Seungkwan’s room. Bookkeu was right on your tail.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Seungkwan’s singing voice greeted you, accompanied by the smell of fresh pancakes.

You weren’t sure you could trust his pancakes. His last attempt hadn’t exactly been encouraging. Suspicious of the food but grateful nevertheless, you sat down at his table. “You cooked.”

“I did,” he told you with a laugh. “And now you get to eat.”

You placed a pancake on your plate carefully, eyeing it as if it would start screaming at any moment. 

“I think I made them the right way this time,” Seungkwan mentioned as he watched your theatrical act. “I even asked for Mingyu’s help. I never ask for Mingyu’s help.”

“Mingyu?” You raised an eyebrow and finally took a forkful of the pancake, hesitantly lifting it. “You called him?”

“No, we met when I went downstairs to see Jihoon.” 

He gently pushed your full fork upwards towards your lips. It helped that your jaw had fallen open to ask the next question. Your words were muffled by the bite of pancakes as you asked, “Why did you go to see Jihoon?”

Seungkwan snapped his fingers, remembering something. He jumped up and rushed towards the kitchen to rummage through something. A moment later, he returned with something small and shiny in his hand. He opened his palm and smiled at your proudly. “I got you a spare key.”

You dropped your fork. “A spare key?”

“Yeah, Jihoon said he was going to give you one anyway, to give to one of the neighbours in case you forget your own,” he told you and placed the key in your hand. “All apartments have two spares, one for you to give to someone you trust, and another for the owners, or Jihoon, in the case of emergency.”

“Then I’m supposed to give this to someone I trust?” 

He nodded. “I gave mine to Jihyeon. She may be a little lazy and she might procrastinate more than healthy, but she’s trustworthy. I’m sure she’d be happy if you gave yours to her too.”

“Who has her key then?” you wondered, your finally curiosity making a comeback after the previous day’s dreadful events. 

“I’m pretty sure Junhui has it.”

“Why Junhui?” As much as you thought the man in question was a sweetheart, you highly doubted his ability to keep a spare key safe. Especially after all of the horror stories Seungkwan had told you about Junhui and Vernon’s apartment. 

Seungkwan thought for a moment, brows furrowing, before shrugging. “Who knows what goes through her head, honestly. I’m sure you’ll make a better choice though.”

You told yourself you’d think about it later, but you had an idea already.

The more time you spent with Seungkwan, the more you began to wonder if what was between you was just friendship. Maybe it was and you were just overthinking it. Or maybe his heart fluttered a little bit whenever he saw your smile too. 

“Just date already,” Mingyu told the two of you when you returned from shopping and Seungkwan took half of your bags from you. You resisted the urge to stick your tongue out at the nosy neighbour but Seungkwan beat you to it. 

“Mind your own business, Kim Mingyu!”

The man in question rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to but the two of you are blocking the lift with all of these bags and your heart-eyes.”

“What business do you have that you need to use the lift anyway? You live on the first floor,” you wondered, fully aware that he lived on the first floor. The only possible reason you could think of was escaping Xin’s or Jihoon’s wrath. 

He sighed deeply and turned on his heel. “Fine, I’ll just take the stairs.”

“Nice,” Seungkwan laughed as the doors closed, “we have the lift to ourselves. This thing is too small for three people.”

He then began inspecting your bags. “What did you buy anyway? These don’t look like groceries.”

“Thought I’d finally decorate my apartment to my liking,” you confessed. “It’s getting kind of dull living like this.”

“But you still didn’t buy any houseplants though,” Seungkwan joked. “I think your apartment could use some better air.”

You grimaced. “I don’t know anything about houseplants though. I’d probably kill it like I did the last three.”

“Have you tried getting a cactus?”

The lift came to a stop and opened its doors. You stepped out and headed towards your apartment with Seungkwan in tow.

“Oh, wait,” Seungkwan begged and rushed to his own door, “let me get Bookkeu. He’d love to see your apartment.”

You weren’t sure if white dog fur would go with your new vision of the apartment, but you didn’t have the heart to tell him no.

Within seconds, Bookkeu was out the door and jumping in front of your feet, excited beyond belief. 

“He really likes you more than his own owner,” Seungkwan sighed in disappointment and waited for you to unlock the door. “And to think I spent all those years raising you, you brat.”

“I’m starting to think Bookkeu likes everyone but Seungkwan,” Jihyeon cracked her door open just to make the joke and then closed the door again. Rumour had it her apartment has zero noise isolation and she could hear every word uttered in this hallway. You felt a little bad for her. 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes before closing them and reminding himself, “Everyone is free to form their own opinions.”

You opened the door in the meantime. Unsurprisingly, Bookkeu was the first one inside. You and Seungkwan struggled a little to enter with all of the bags. How you had made it home at all was a miracle.

“This is a lot of stuff,” Seungkwan concluded once the bags were laid out onto the floor. “Do you need all of this?”

“I just want to feel at home in my apartment,” you told him with a shrug.

He hummed in agreement. “Are you also going to do any actual remodelling? Or just the decorations?”

“I’m thinking of changing the wallpaper.”

“Great, just let me know when and I’ll come over to help. That’s a two-people job.”

You couldn’t help but feel a little flustered at how easily he agreed to help you, even without being asked. He just expected to help you wherever he could. You’d pay back the favour one day.

“Should we put on some music?” he suggested, already reaching for his phone with one hand while heading to your bedroom. “Your speaker’s on your bedside table, right?”

You nodded and began unpacking the first bag. Bit by bit, you uncovered the new curtains and table cloths you had purchased. Just seeing them in your apartment brought you joy.

As you debated which curtains to put up, you heard the speaker beginning to play on the coffee table – you must have been very distracted to not notice Seungkwan returning and sitting so close to you on the floor that he was touching you. 

“Oh, I put this together for you,” he excitedly told you while turning the volume up. “I think you’ll like these songs.”

Your heart stuttered. It wasn’t fair that he had this effect on you when he was just being friendly. 

Once you were sure your voice wouldn’t betray your conflict of feelings, you uttered, “You made me a playlist?” He nodded nonchalantly (but if you had paid him just a little more attention, you would’ve realised his ears were more red than his hoodie). You just couldn’t believe it. “A playlist? For me?”

“Yeah,” he stuttered after a while, unable to meet your eyes as he tried to play it cool. “If you don’t like it, you can just say.”

“Can you send me the link?”

He gulped and whipped his head to meet your eyes. “What?”

“The link. Send it.” It was your turn to act cool. Your hands were shaking just a little as you continued unpacking. “I’ll have to give it a good listen one day to judge if you know me that well at all.”

You weren’t looking so he dared to smile. “Alright. I’ll send it later.”

“By the way,” you cleared your throat and continued your act, “take the spare key when you leave later.”

Seungkwan just about dropped his phone on Bookkeu’s head. It occurred to you that maybe – just maybe – you had a similar effect on him as he did on you.

“You want me to have it?” he asked to confirm. “Are you sure? You don’t want to give it to Jihyeon?”

“I trust you more,” you told him softly. “I’d like you to have it.”

His lips formed a pout as he bit back the wish to cry of joy – he had earned your trust and made you feel safe, just as he had promised himself he would. You thought of him as your friend.

“Thank you for trusting me,” he whispered after a while, his hand finding yours to give it a gentle squeeze before returning to where Bookkeu sat in his lap. “I’ll keep your key safe.” (He wished he had the courage take the first steps and add, “just like I’ll keep you safe.”)

NOTE: Happy holiday season! This fic was written when I was homesick and thus it may be self-indulgent, but I hope it brought some comfort or was at least somewhat enjoyable to read <3 

This was originally supposed to have more romance, but you know what? Not everyone needs to be in love and not every fic needs to have a cheesy confession scene. I like this fic the way it is. However, fully expect these two to become a cute couple in the background of the next serenity street fics!

[another-bts-blog]

I just want to say how impressed I am with the way Face works as a complete story. Jimin said it was a chronological depiction of his feelings during the pandemic, but I didn’t expect that to be so ACCURATE. It really told the full scope, back to back, and I’m still reeling from it.

We start off with Face-off and it’s anger personified, it has a reactive, volatile energy. It’s harsh and hard-hitting and aggressive and at the core it’s just Jimin so so so hurt. 

We move into this tranquil, but haunting interlude with the sounds of running/panicking, the last concert all the boys had together, shuffling around as you come home from a long day, and ending with a drink to numb it all. It just feels like getting lost in a trance and trying to cover up all the mixing emotions, bury them away and ignore them but they’re all fighting for dominance in your head. 

Then we lead into Like Crazy, which is in every single way the embodiment of a dream. This fantasy that he doesn’t want to end, saying he wants to stay in the light, feels better in the light, begging to not be saved, to not be woken up. It starts with that line from the movie, saying “I’m afraid of everything disappearing” and it’s so clear that’s the core of this song. Jimin said in an interview his dream is BTS, that he wants to keep that going as long as he can. I don’t think it’s a reach to say this song is about wanting to be on stage, be in the light, be performing, and being afraid of it all going away. 

Alone starts with an alarm, being torn from that dream, forcibly awoken as it’s pulled out from underneath you and you have to face the consequences of reality and your self. Here, more than any other song, Jimin seems to grapple with truly facing his emotions and fears head on and hoping to come out the other side the victor. In his Rolling Stones interview he talks about how this album came about after talking to the members, after they encouraged him to harness his emotions and heal through creating music, after he confessed to feeling like he wasn’t doing well, to being lost, and that he was worried he was the odd man out, that everyone else was doing fine while he was struggling to keep up the mask of being fine. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the first song he worked on, when he got back. The lyrics sound so similar to the things he describes in that interview. 

And finally, Set Me Free Pt. 2, the culmination of it all, the victory. He comes out on top, reborn. He faced everything in Alone and stepped out the other side with a new outlook and strength. He’s healing, he’s fighting, he’s not discouraged in the way he was at the start of this all. We’ve all seen it, too, how much happier he seems, how he said he felt like he was really, truly happy, how this album was FOR HIM and he just hopes we all like it. He really used this as therapy, to work through all those complicated feelings, and now here he is smiling, laughing, giddy with excitement and I don’t know about you guys but he just feels so much brighter than he did a year ago. 

I’m so proud of him. I’m so proud of him, not just for making an incredible album that lets us into such a raw and real place, but for trying. For facing everything dark and twisted in him and taking back control and repurposing it as something beautiful and triumphant. I’m so glad this helped him heal and I’m so glad he’s allowed us to experience it with him.

Oh, and let’s not forget that hidden track, eh? Because above all else Jimin has always been and will always be our sweet, tenderhearted angel who loves us 10x more than we could ever love him. I cried, you cried, we’re all going to continue to cry every time we hear it. It was absolutely beautiful. 

[deusvervewrites]

Given that there are legalized versions of trigger under prescription, i.e. preparing for surgery and no Quirk usage might help with that, it's a lot more telling that there is no equivalent for Quirk Suppression. The closest analogy IRL would be hormone therapy, specifically testosterone therapy, where the increase in T would help the health of man as their bodies reduce the amount of T overtime or help boys in puberty produce more T if they're not reaching milestones. It's a lot easier to use a chemical to induce more activity, but it's a lot harder to make a blocker to reduce or remove activity without risking the life of the person.

Given what we know about the MHA backstory, the fear of Quirk and societal collapse causing years of technological stagnation, there probably is an entity developing Quirk Suppression technology or medicine but it isn't deemed necessary given that many people think that Quirk Singularity is Quack Science. Overhaul just happens to be the first person who made it possible. The only reason why they may consider developing Quirk Suppression in the first place outside the containment of villains is to prevent children from causing too much harm, and by the time they need such suppression, it would've been already too late.

If cases like Touya and Eri already exist right now, who is to say that more cases will occur. The kids in the retake exam already have full control of their Quirks but what about those who don't or how their output is either 0 or 100? Children are dumb when they're young, they know how to control their own Quirk but don't know the output and how it's stronger than their own parents, especially when they copy the moves from the heroes they see on TV or live. The next generation of children will cause more deaths as they will accidentally kill themselves or kill others as they show off their Quirks without understanding the meaning of safety, restrain and death.

So we know there are no Quirk Suppressants and that's a complete fanon invention. I've discussed this particular point at length before. If it existed, they'd have it at Tartarus, and they don't. Overhaul and Humarise would've been working off of that instead of using Eri and Trigger, respectively.

The point about kids is interesting though. Eri has no control because she was never taught. Her Quirk killing her father is notable though.

Touya though... Touya 'died' because Endeavor fucked up teaching him. Every single step on his road to Dabi was preventable, including hurting himself.

The thing you highlight here is kids causing dangerous Quirk accidents from generation to generation, and that is more supported by the text, considering the Provisional License Makeup Exam

[margotnetwork]

TUPPERBOX GUIDE PT.2 - FORMATTING

Since you liked the first one so much I thought I would give you a few other tips and tricks. Please do not use my samples or bio’s for your own.  If I think of anything else I will make a part 3

In order to get this below 

You need to do this; I use this site in order to get my fancy text

tul!nick “YOUR CHARACTER NAME HERE” 𝐇 𝐀 𝐑 𝐋 𝐄 𝐘  𝐐 𝐔 𝐈 𝐍 𝐍

In order to get this; 

You need to do this; 

>  There was a part of her where she knew her heart would soften and she was trying so hard to refrain from that happening “I know it’s hard but you need to open yourself up to me and I can help you do that but if you don’t feel comfortable because of our history I can always ask perhaps someone else? I can only understand how uncomfortable it must be for you” not that it was reverse psychology or that she didn’t want him here but Victoria could only do so much with a impenetrable box that had a lock on it and no key “Somethings on your mind. I can see it. What is it Vincent? Is it me? Is it because we dated? Is it your mom? You can talk to me. Or we can just sit here in pure silence which will only increase your anxiety”

If you want there to be a break so it shows up like this

You need to do this; make sure there is a space added to the middle one 

> The only thought in her head was ‘at least they were making progress’ even if it meant projecting his anger onto her it was some what okay because she could take it; “if I know someone is hurting in a relationship it’s also my duty of care to let that person go” voice remaining the same, clipboard balancing on her knee though it laid forgotten and dormant now “You seem to think that the decision was easy for me.  It wasn’t” eyes watching him pace, emotions decreasing rapidly. This is what had been held in and possibly what had him in the state where he was now “and I didn’t run into the arms of another man. You should know that I did not love and could not love another for years after you” feeling like she was in her own therapy session right now “everyone I tried to be with either looked like you or just reminded me of you and I couldn’t”  >  > Voice tender as the emotions being shared “and I did love my husband or at least I thought I did but Vin people are layered and sometimes you don’t get to see the other layers until it’s too late” not that she really wanted to go into this right now “besides I’m here to help you This isn’t about me whether you like that or not. You’ll always have a special place in my heart it’s just that some people no matter the time or situation aren’t right for each other and some people are stuck in situations that aren’t exactly easy to get out of” speaking mainly about herself but throwing in a sentence last minute to make it seem otherwise “which I’m sure you’re aware of”

If you want something like this; 

You need to use this site; 

Log in with your discord log in and put this information in the description - see screenshot below 

Once again make sure that the ones in between have a space or it won’t seperate

𝐒 𝐓 𝐀 𝐓 𝐈 𝐒 𝐓 𝐈 𝐂 𝐒 > Name: Sven Bjorgman > Nickname: Sev > Age: 47 > Sexual Orientation: Straight 𝐁 𝐈 𝐎 𝐆 𝐑 𝐀 𝐏 𝐇 𝐘 > Works at a hardware store in town > > Never been married but has one daughter from a previous relationship. > > She pretty much left her on his door step and he has been a single dad ever since. > > Has a dog named Dodger which his daughter found sniffing around the backyard and pretty much begged him to keep - he did. > > Has moved around quite a bit due to financial issues and has regular meetings with the court to check in on his 'fitness' to be a father - they don't think he is but he is making ends meet ( barely ) so they are monitoring the situation

[sevensoulmates]

I think seeing flashbacks to eddie’s upbringing or bringing back his parents or therapy scenes with him again could really kind of flesh out that arc with him. He always gave me like not-quite lapsed Catholic vibes and I assume he’s always had a complicated relationship with things like faith. and then there’s the whole internalized homophobia part of it — what hits me is that Eddie is so wonderfully open and accepting of other people’s queerness but I don’t think he’s not really of his own and it’s so fucking hard to teach yourself to be kind about that. AND ALL THE STUFF U SAID W CHRIS. Yes. I need more Chris Diaz on screen and not him being out of town whatever the fuck that means

Honestly, the lack of Christopher in 7x05 almost felt to me like the same kind of weird topsy turvy world as the lack of Eddie in Buck's coma dream in 6x11. Just like Eddie would've been his anchor to the real world in Buck's coma dream, Christopher is Eddie's anchor to the real world. If he was physically present in the episode, I doubt Eddie would've been making these kinds of decisions so willy-nilly.

I'm not sure if that was purposeful or they just couldn't fit a Chris scene in there or what. But I do find it fascinating that in the episode that was on the surface SUPPOSED to deepen the relationship between Eddie and Marisol, Christopher was so erroneously ABSENT. It made the Eddie/Marisol relationship feel like something fragmented, like something was missing. Because Marisol has apparently been spending all this time "babysitting" Christopher and in her biggest episode to date, she doesn't even get a single exchange with him? We don't see how Chris reacts to her? We don't know how SHE feels about living with a child? That's a big step for her too like that could literally be your step-child and it feels like there's zero relationship there, even less than Ana-Christopher. She's okay with suddenly becoming a live-in pseudo-mother, because honey, that's the reality of what you were about to do.

Unfortunately, we don't know if Eddie actually talked to Chris about Marisol moving in or not, and either way doesn't have very great implications. But I can give the writers the benefit of the doubt that Christopher's absence was done on purpose, to make the whole Marisol moving in plot feel wrong and like a misstep on every level possible. I guess we'll see how things go down in episode 7!

[science-sculpt]

The Nucleosome: DNA's Fancy Packaging and Party Trick!

Imagine cramming two meters of yarn into a pea-sized box. Sounds impossible, right? Well, that's the impressive feat that cells pull off every single day with DNA! They use a clever structure called the nucleosome to pack this massive genetic blueprint into the tiny nucleus.

The journey began in 1974 when Don and Ada Olins, peering through an electron microscope, spotted repeating beads – the first glimpse of nucleosomes. Roger Kornberg, building upon this observation, proposed the now-iconic "subunit theory," envisioning DNA wrapped around histone protein cores. This theory, later solidified by Pierre Oudet's term "nucleosome," laid the groundwork for further exploration. The 1980s witnessed a flurry of activity, with Aaron Klug's group using X-ray crystallography to reveal the left-handed superhelical twist of DNA around the histone octamer. But the true masterpiece arrived in 1997 when the Richmond group, armed with advanced techniques, unveiled the first near-atomic resolution crystal structure of the nucleosome. This intricate map, showcasing the precise interactions between DNA and histones, remains a cornerstone of our understanding.

The Players:

DNA: The star of the show, carrying our genetic code in the form of a double helix.

Histones: Protein spools around which DNA tightly winds. Imagine eight of them forming a core, like a mini-protein drum set.

Linker DNA: Short stretches of DNA connecting the spools, like the spaces between beads on a necklace.

The Steps:

Wrap and Roll: Picture DNA gracefully wrapping around the histone core, like thread around a spool. Each nucleosome holds about 146 base pairs of DNA, making about 1.67 turns.

Connect and Repeat: Linker DNA bridges the gap between nucleosomes, forming a "beads-on-a-string" structure. Think of it as pearls strung between the spools.

Compact and Condense: This repetitive unit folds further, creating intricate 30-nanometer fibers. Imagine these as twisted strands of pearls!

Here's the coolest part: histones aren't static. They can be chemically modified, like adding or removing phosphate groups. These modifications act like tiny flags that tell the cell how tightly to wrap the DNA, essentially throwing a "party" for specific genes by making them more accessible. This fine-tuning allows cells to respond to their environment and express the right genes at the right time. Understanding the nucleosome model is crucial for unraveling the mysteries of gene regulation and diseases like cancer. By studying how modifications affect nucleosome structure and gene access, scientists can develop new therapies to target specific genes and potentially treat diseases at the root cause.

While the nucleosome model is the foundation, the story gets even more intriguing. Different histone types and modifications create variations, influencing chromatin structure and function. Think of it as different music genres influencing the dance moves! Additionally, other proteins interact with the nucleosome, adding another layer of complexity to this fascinating choreography.

The nucleosome model is more than just a neat way to package DNA. It's a testament to the intricate dance between molecules that orchestrates life's processes. By understanding this fundamental structure, we gain deeper insights into cellular function, paving the way for advancements in medicine and beyond.

Remember, this is just the beginning! The world of nucleosomes and chromatin is vast and ever-evolving. So, keep exploring, keep questioning, and keep dancing to the rhythm of DNA!

[chroniclesinlavender]

ENTRY 001: Dreams (Part 1)

Isaiah has an alarming dream.

Transcript below:

[Avlin nłzēwok'un nar īdsēravn aryú pi-lizt'n. Má ēzyi'ōf fl cni-lizt'n. (These are the stories known only to the Seraphim. Let not these events be forgotten.)]

???: [strained] Have to... keep it... together... can't stop... need to s-stay... need to foc... focus... have to keep it togETHEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!

ISAIAH: ...and then everything fades away, and I wake up.

[Chronicles in Lavender. Art & Story by Koishi. ENTRY 001: Dreams (Part 1)]

[December 12, 2019. 3:40 PM]

ISAIAH: My heart's always pounding out of my chest, and I can't sleep for the rest of the night. Every single time, it always goes exactly the same. The same place, the same people... and it never feels like I have any control, or I'm really acting on anything. I'm sorta just... watching it happen, I guess.

DR. GARDNER: Do you feel like the date in which you have the dreams could be significant?

ISAIAH: I dunno, your guess is as good as mine. I just happens every month on the full moon. I don't know why or how, it just does. It's been so consistent that I can anticipate it coming. Sometimes, I would stay up all night from the anxiety, then the minute I fall asleep, they happen anyways. I've always had vivid dreams. They feel so real, and I can control them too. Like, like lucid dreaming. But when these dreams happen, I just feel... powerless. Got a pill I can take for that?

DR. GARDNER: I could, but stepping away from medication, I think this might be related to another significant topic we've yet to come back to? Specifically the topic of Tara? And I know it's uncomfortable, but I think at least addressing it may give a better understanding of these recurring nightmares. I think a lot of the themes you've described to me in your dreams; the lack of control, the sense of urgency, the need to "keep it all together", could all be tied to your trauma regarding your sister's disappearance. A way for your brain to process through the guilt you feel and the grief you're experiencing. Does that sound about right?

ISAIAH: [shrugs]

DR. GARDNER: It's hard, having to go through that. It feels impossible to carry that weight on you all of the time, but it's important to remind yourself that Tara's disappearance is not your fault. It may seem selfish, but some things are out of our control. So it's better to grieve and find a way to move forward. At the end of the day, your own mental health is something that you have to put first, or things like this will keep affecting you. Of course, we can move on if you'd like. How have your exercises been going?

ISAIAH: Oh... uh... I've been trying, and I've been goin outside more, too.

DR. GARDNER: That's good to hear! Tell me more about how that's been working for you.

ISAIAH: [in journal] Log date: 12/19/2019. 4:28 PM. I've just concluded my therapy session for this week. We talked about the usual stuff, depression and meds and self-affirmation. I brought up the dreams, but that ended up leading back to Tara. It's been four years since she disappeared. I've been trying not to think about it. It's jut too much right now. I though by now I'd at least be better about it. That I wouldn't feel so awful. I guess I don't, but I just feel nothing instead. I dunno if that's better or worse. Rather not dwell on all of that now. Either way, I'm hoping that this night'll be over soon. I hate these stupid dreams, it's like a puzzle and I'm missing a billion pieces to it. If I go to bed early, I can at least get the dreams out of the way. Or I'm hoping to. Not much to hope for as of late.

[some time later]

ISAIAH: Yo LiLi.

AMALIAH: Yoooo Isaiah, me and Andre gonna be stayin out for the night. We're hangin w/ some friends.

ISAIAH: Yeah sure, aight. How come you didn't text?

AMALIAH: Cuz I'm drivin? fuck you mean?? And you take, like, hours to text back.

ISAIAH: Yeah yeah nah, good point... Okay, I'll text if I need somethin-

AMALIAH: Whoa hold up, you good cuz? You sound like shit. Still gettin them weird dreams? I know it's a full moon tonight.

ISAIAH: yeah, but I also had therapy today, so I'm like, emotionally-drained.

AMALIAH: Goootcha gotcha. Well if you need me, just text. Aight I gotta watch the road. See you in the mornin, kay?

ISAIAH: Night, LiLi.

ISAIAH: Is anything going to be different? Anything at all? I thought bringing it up at therapy would shed some light on why I keep having these dreams, but of course it all goes back to Tara. I thought I would be fine by now. That I'd find a way to not let what happened mess me up. But I'm still here. Everything around me keeps going, but I'm still here. Still empty... why does it even matter? Maybe this is just it for me... just emptiness and guilt... walking through a haze as life passes me by. I'm so sick of it being this way. I just want something to change... I just want to change.

BUTTERFLY: Why Do You Chase After Me?

ISAIAH: I don't know. I can't remember anymore I've just been... running for so long... Why were you running?

BUTTERFLY: I Was Running From Something As Well, Something Too Hard For Me To Bear. But I Feel As If You Can Help Me Face It.

ISAIAH: How would someone like me be able to help? I'm empty...

BUTTERFLY: You Are Not Empty. You Are An Endless Multitude. And If You Help Me, I Promise To You What You Yearn For The Most.

ISAIAH: ...okay. I can do that.

BUTTERFLY: Then It Is Time For You To Wake Up, Isaiah.

ISAIAH: Something... changed.

[Ēzm̄fl īn-hōn pi-jalzègxa olsl... (To be continued in the next entry...)]

[fics-n-stuff]

Some Random OBX3 Thoughts and Opinions (full spoilers)

This whole season was on crack. It was fucking wild and I loved it

Put me on Poguelandia. That was so sweet. I want to see what that month looked like, I want to experience that with them

I wanted to see more Wheezie :(

I'm sorry but Big John was so annoying, tryna keep the Pogues out of the loop after they've already been through all this shit

Pope and Cleo are super cute, very sweet relationship. The way she's always teasing him? The fact that his parents immediately love her? Immaculate

What they did with Ward this season was... interesting. I will say though, I'm okay with that being the way he goes out. I'm glad he's actually dead now

Rafe × Barry is alive and well

Topper interlude:

Topper really should have got a clue. Sarah moved on babes, you should move on too

I really thought we were on our way to a Topper redemption arc when he helped them with the train robbery - and I was super happy with that - BUT OH BOY WAS I WRONG

Topper deserved to get his shit rocked by John B. His little snarky comments are absolutely a punchable offence

Everyone was freaking out about John B punching Topper while he was down and I think everyone forgot that Topper literally tried to DROWN JOHN B in season 1

HE BURNED DOWN THE CHATEU!?!? HE WAS PISSED AT SARAH SO HE DECIDED TO ATTEMPT TO MURDER SIX PEOPLE!?!? THAT'S NOT JUST PETTY THAT'S PSHYCHOPATHIC

On the other hand, Sarah should have really just let that boy have some peace and stop stringing him along. Like, I get it it was for the greater good and maybe it was their only option but it was still a bit mean (not that I cared much after Topper attempted to commit SEXTUPLE MURDER BY ARSON)

Sarah was so wrong for kissing Topper. You get in one fight with your boyfriend and you run back to your ex? After everything you've gone through? Weak

When Rafe melted down the cross I died a little inside bro that was so upsetting

SOMEONE GET RAFE SOME THERAPY JESUS CHRIST

Jiara. Was. Great. The looks, the hugs, the lingering moments, the slow build up to the final payoff. Loved it

Jiara's first kiss! Idk if this is controversial but I loved that they had an audience cheering when they kissed, it felt like a little inside joke with the fandom. Like a little "wink wink nudge nudge, we know this is how you at home are feeling rn"

Bit harsh that John B got his dad back just for him to actually die, but at least he got to say goodbye this time

18 month time skip? What happened in that time? What did they do with the gold and how did they get everyone to believe their stories? What happend with the charges Topper filed against John B? How did Rafe react to Ward's death? What about Rose and Wheezie, what did they do? The Pogues are still minors (before the time skip at least) and like half of them don't have legal guardians, I know they're rich now but how did they sort that out?

HOW DARE MIKE AND ANNA SIT IN THE FRONT ROW SMILING AND CLAPPING AS IF THEY DIDN'T TRY TO STOP KIARA FROM ACHIEVING THIS EVERY SINGLE STEP OF THE WAY AND SHIT ON ALL OF HER FRIENDS IN THE PROCESS

ARE WE SERIOUSLY ENDING WITH A BLACKBEARD NAMEDROP?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!? When I say I sat in silence and laughed for a full two minutes after that ending, omg

[icedmetaltea]

Making some progress this week!

Was able to begin doing little 5 min toning vids this week, might not seem like much but considering how out of shape and out of practice with exercise I am it's a lot.

I have felt like NAPPING multiple times this week, which is I haven't felt compelled to do since Fall- I assumed it was cause of the cool weather but now I think it's the exercise. Maybe I'll be able to drink green tea again! EVENTUALLY!!!

Want to work up to doing 30 mins of cardio like I could in highschool and considering 5 mins is enough to get me out of breath and I've specifically been doing strength stuff since it gets your heart rate up a bit but not nearly as much as cardio to ease myself back into things, it's going to be a long way from now. But honestly any kind of exercise should be very very good for the anxiety.

Did 20 mins of walking the past WEEK which again is rlly great, couldn't walk for 5 mins without getting out of breath and anxious just a couple weeks ago (guessing it was the PMDD but still) and by gods it does help with my mood and I think sleep too since I haven't been having as hard of a time... but I am due to PMS soon so maybe I'm getting my hopes up too high and too fast.

Also been 3 weeks straight that I've brushed my teeth and TMI but for like a year I'd brush them once or twice a week cause it just didn't seem worth it to take care of my body.

Still not able to fully walk around the courtyard cause last time I thought I'd have to run back to the apartment but instead I've been walking in different directions (only a couple feet mind you) so I can begin increasing the "safe" range hopefully. I assume that's progress?? It's definitely nice weather, we got some rain this past week so the grass is finally green again. ALSO been getting out every single day, even for 1 min, the past 2 weeks straight I think. Which is AMAZING considering even like 2-3 months ago I straight up couldn't go outside.

I've also had a couple of nightmares this week after not having any (that I can remember) for literal years, which might sound like a bad thing, but I think it may be therapy is beginning to dig up stuff that's been dormant. Religious trauma mainly most likely.

Been just cooking a lot and singing a bit here and there, and that's generally an indicator I'm doing better.

Know that I know I have adhd, but figuring out small ways to accommodate myself (chopping up veggies and freezing them, both cause I have time blindness and forget about basically veggies till they're rotten and cause if I have them pre-chopped I'm more likely to reach for them, walking in chunks of 5 mins at a time since it doesn't feel nearly as awful as a nonstop 20 min + doing something like cooking/cleaning while I walk, etc)

ALSO idk if I mentioned it but realized I've officially dropped 20 pounds since this time last year!! I still have about 40 to go but it's a big step for me. I gave up on my diet since like december since my mental health was going to such shite, but I realized I've been losing weight without even meaning to just by eating healthier and walking more. I literally thought I was dying + had cancer but um. You can just lose weight unintentionally by eating things that are lower calorie and moving more. You don't have to count every calorie. You don't have to do cardio. It's actually quite a natural process.

So yea just progress report!

[minthe-lover]

Chapter Analysis 219

I have extremely mixed feelings on this chapter, on one hand I fully hate Daphne and eros but I do like persephone showing some sort of lasting trauma in relation to the sexual assault sort of, I'll get into that later.

Now Eros has crossed over from annoyingly loveable to just.. annoying.

Now this chapter has by far the dumbest fucking thing that rs has ever done in relation to the time skip. Eros and psyches relationship is the second biggest and most important after persephone and hades, it was set up in one of the first chapters.. and rs decided to have them get married OFF SCREEN.

I don't care if your a fan of lore olympus this is objectively a terrible fucking choice. You don't have big important steps in a relationship happen off screen.. and then don't fucking show us any of it???? Like even in the few panels we have we just get a boring shot of eros in the suit, and then him being 'tired'. WE DON'T EVEN SEE PSYCHE.

why did rs think this was a good idea???? is so easy to fit to! just have eros about to get married have him invite persephone!! Out of all the freaken chapters to not have a flash back why are you having it be the most fucking important part of eros story.. like holy shit.

Next is gonna be covering... just all the stuff. My main annoyance is where Lore Olympus, self labeled 'deconstruction of purity culture' mainly only presents sex itself as a sexual option. We have all these comedic panels of Persephone saying how horny she is.. but we have no mention of masturbation? Like come on.. ya got the masturbating with the hades tree joke right there-

Instead you just get general "Oh I wish I could have sex!" jokes that feel.. really bland. They don't feel creative to the world, the closet we is the five years one. All of them could be said by any character in any story and it would be alright... it's just boring...

Now tied to the whole sexual assault plot line and this episode, it's sort of like half way done alright. While it's shown that her worried is partly effected by her assault but most of it is just general worry that hades doesn't want to have sex with her. she talks more about worry that hades isn't horny for her but nothing to do with a fear of the sex itself.

Also again I do like that the sexual assault is brought up.. but it's done so gently. Its supposed to be this big heavy thing but it's brought up passively and moved on from so quicky

Her worried are more with hades feelings and his interest in her, instead of her comfortablity with sex itself. Now as for hades nervousness.. I don't mind it, I like that lore olympus is showing a man being nervous to have sex. Alot of media does portray men as always 100% ready and okay with sex.. though I'm very cautious with how rs will write this... I'm very very worried about how it's gonna be handled.

Also they all talk like highschoolers, like rs you are allowed to swear right? you can say dick.. you've said dick before. why is persephone talking like a highschooler that just dry humped someone for the first time.

Now daphne and eros and.. very bad friends. They bring up sex first when they both know that persephone had been raped.. and continue to talk about it after Persephone expresses discomfort. If you didn't want to pressure or rush Persephone then why did you fucking faint when she brought up not having sex.

The closest they get to be somewhat decent is with Daphne mentioning that she should go to therapy and communicate with hades. It's the closest thing that they get to being a good friend... cause yeah persephone desperately need more then a single therapy session.

also like... why.. why the fuck is apollo running for president???? Like there has been no level of democracy in this whole goddamn story and now it's supposed to be this big element to it? Also I've said this before.. rs.. please please do not write it so that the people who vote for apollo are terrible/stupid etc etc.

Now I just.. really hate the art in this chapter, it's nothing terrible it's just.. boring. It's three pink characters talking to each other in a pink background with nothing else to it. It's boring and just awkwardly blends into each other and doesn't really work well. Plus with persephone and daphne being in the same chapter there is just so many awkward boob anatomy and ones that look like their about to pop out.