#like what do you want? a big fat ‘we’ve been trying to tell you and you didn’t listen’ when AI gets out of control?

[hypaalicious]

One thing I will say about the A.I. art ish is that it glaringly shows how the general public doesn’t have an eye trained for art.

This is important to note because the general public is who A.I. is catered to and will give it legitimacy through ignorance.

I’ve seen regular people fawn over how good A.I. art looks. Or share random images because it “looks cool”. Some may not even know that it’s A.I.

It’s not because A.I. is actually that good; in fact, most A.I. art is downright nightmare fuel. But it’s because the average person only glances at something shiny for a maximum of 5 seconds before hitting share or like. They don’t look at details or sit in quiet appreciation of the masterpiece in front of them. If they did, they’d notice the uneven eyes, extra limbs, disconnected lines, soulless composition and sloppy rendering.

But this is how these A.I. tech enthusiasts are gonna continue to slip under the radar. They’re taking advantage of people’s blind spots and low attention span and combining that with the instant gratification of “with a few keywords and button push, you too can make beautiful art”!

I believe that’s going to be a harder hurdle to get over moreso than the other valid points folks are making about security risks from uploading pics to random software that can use them however they like (cause in the age of social media and smartphone apps especially, people don’t care what company has their face when it’s already out there), or the ethical ramifications that harm real artists (cause a lot of people simply never respected artists in the first place outside of what they output).

And it won’t stop with art. Voice actors are having their voices digitized for future use to cut costs of hiring actual VAs for projects. People are experimenting “writing” books with A.I. All of these efforts suck in quality but do you think the general public will notice or care? The same public whose attention span is collectively bout the size of a goldfish? The same public with at most a 5th grade reading level? The same public who is trained to consume media spoonfed to them algorithmically at the speed of light?

[narumi-gens]

Drunk Mind, Sober Heart

Miya Atsumu x gn!Reader

summary: They say that drunk words are sober thoughts. Unfortunately for you, that means Atsumu is about to find out about your big, embarrassing secret.

warnings: pure fluff, reader is a drunk mess, mention of vomiting and alcohol, husband!atsumu, established relationship, you and atsumu are simps for each other

notes: we’re back on the haikyuu train! I’m actually not sure if I like this but just wanted to get it out of my wips since it was already 75% written.

words: 1.2k

minors, ageless, and blank blogs do not interact

Atsumu hadn’t left you alone for long, just long enough to grab his phone charger from the nightstand. He was gone for a minute, maybe two. What could go wrong in a minute?

Apparently a lot. 

You’re still in the same spot that he left you. You’re still curled up on the bathroom floor next to the toilet. You’re still clutching tightly onto the pillow he gave you to keep you from being too uncomfortable on the hard tile. 

But when he left, you were completely passed out, drunkenly snoring and giving him a short break from “rubbing your back and making sure that you’re throwing up in the toilet and not on the floor” duty.

Now, you’re sobbing loudly into your pillow as you lay in a puddle of water, having knocked over the uncapped bottle he had set aside for you. 

The sight instantly has him panicking, dropping his charger onto the counter and kneeling down next to you in the puddle. He picks up the bottle and sets it aside, not that doing so is much use considering most of the water is now on the bathroom floor.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he tries to gently shush you. “What’s wrong? Do ya gotta puke again?”

It seems to be the wrong question to ask because it only has you crying harder. 

“Baby, it’s okay,” he assures you, running his hand soothingly up and down your side. 

“S’not!” you wail and Atsumu finds himself impressed by his own sense of hearing to have been able to comprehend what you’re saying through your sobs.

“Yeah, it is. C’mon, it’s alright,” he says, still doing his best to try and talk you down. “What’s wrong? Let me help.”

“No!” you continue to protest, burying your face even further into your pillow. Your sobs have devolved into loud, pathetic hiccups. “Don’t wanna tell you. S’embarrassing…”

“Ya don’t gotta feel embarrassed!” he says. “At least ya puked in the bushes and not in the Uber. Yer ahead of me on that one.”

“No! S’not that!” you argue, looking up from your pillow to give him a pitiful glare that makes you look like an angry kitten. Atsumu is overcome with the urge to grab his phone so he can take a picture but knows that it would send you into another fit of sobs.

“Then what is it?” he asks patiently and you flop onto your back, your head resting on your pillow as you frown at the ceiling. 

“M’embarrassed,” you sniffle, tears continuing to leak from your eyes. 

“Baby, about what?”

Your features scrunch together unattractively before you cover your face with your hands. 

“I’m so in love with you that it’s embarrassing!” you cry, your voice muffled, and Atsumu is at a loss at your…confession. It takes a moment before he knows how to respond.

“…we’ve been married fer two years,” he says slowly, his eyebrows furrowing together. “I would hope ya love me.”

“You don’t get it!” you whine, dropping your hands and doing your best to sit up and face him, although you end up needing to rest your entire weight on the toilet. “It’s like I have this huuuuge crush on you.”

He can feel the grin threatening to break out across his lips and quickly bites down on the inside of his cheek before it can. Instead, he reaches out a hand to affectionately play with the ends of your hair only for you to weakly slap him away.

“Sometimes when you send me a text saying you love me, I squeal into a pillow,” you softly tell him through sniffles, big fat tears rolling down your cheeks. “And sometimes I just look through my pictures of you and get all flustered.”

The grin he was trying so hard to hold back begins to peek through and he has to slap a hand over his mouth to hide it. Thankfully, you’re too drunk to notice. 

“And it’s so embarrassing to be such a mess in front of my crush,” you pout before wiping your messy face with the back of your wrist, not that it really does any good.

“Ya don’t gotta feel embarrassed about any of it,” he repeats with a fond look. “If anything, this makes me love ya even more.”

Your expression finally seems to soften, your drunken angst beginning to fade into something much more shy.

“Really?” you ask through another sniffle.

“Yeah, I promised to love ya in sickness and in health, didn’t I?” he smiles and you giggle.

But before he can make a dumb joke about drunkenness being the worst kind of sickness out there, a look that he’s become only too familiar with over the last few hours crosses your face. You rush to turn away from him and he’s back on “rubbing your back and making sure that you’re throwing up in the toilet and not on the floor” duty.

The next morning sees you doing better, but not by much. The lights in the apartment are all off and the blinds on all of the windows are closed. The only source of light comes from the tv, which is quietly playing some trashy reality show that’s ostensibly about selling real estate but is actually about who’s sleeping with the owner of the brokerage. 

The duvet from your bed is wrapped around you like a burrito as you’re laid out pathetically on the couch with a sports drink clutched tightly in your grip like a lifeline. You’re grateful that Atsumu keeps so many of them in the refrigerator and you swear to yourself that you won’t make fun of him anymore for how much space they take up.

You’re roused from wallowing over your pitiful state when you hear the front door opening and you slouch further into the couch. But when Atsumu finally appears around the corner, your face lights up as you see that he’s proudly holding up a takeout bag coated in grease stains. 

“I got ya just what the doctor prescribed,” he grins and you sit up as best you can with the blanket wrapped so tightly around you. 

“Oh, you’re a godsend,” you moan as you grab the bag from his hands. You open it and happily inhale the scent of the burger and fries inside. 

He preens at your praise and lifts your legs so that he can sit down beside you before setting them down in his lap. You’re too busy shoveling the fries into your mouth to even care. But after a few minutes, you feel his gaze on you.

When you look up, you freeze at the sight of him watching you with big heart eyes and a wide, dopey grin. 

“What?” you ask him through an unattractive mouthful of half-eaten fries. 

“Nothin’,” he shrugs. However, the look on his face says anything but and your eyes narrow suspiciously. “Just, I heard from a little birdie that ya got a pretty big crush.”

Your hand pauses in mid-air, halfway to shoving another handful of fries into your already full mouth. Atsumu’s grin grows wider at your reaction.

“Y’know, I got a pretty big crush too.”

All you can do is mutter in embarrassment what he thinks is, “shut up,” but sounds like “shha amph,” as you refuse to meet his gaze and Atsumu feels his crush on you growing bigger, even as he laughs obnoxiously in your face. 

[shadeysprings]

Deal or No Deal.

—Pete Brenner x F!Reader

Summary — You work hard to entice the biggest possible client for your company, but he has his own ideas for you to make him say yes.

Warnings — implied noncon/dubcon, coercion, power imbalance. There may be more that I forgot to mention but please read with caution.

Word Count — 986

A/N — Another impromptu fic because the muse was calling for it. Plus, the babies were wanting and who am I to say no and not deliver. Un-beta and no editing has been done so may be sloppy. But we all love some slop anyway haha!

As always, your feedback is highly appreciated and your reblogs would be amazing. And of course, I hope y'all enjoy! ❤️

The bored look on Pete’s face has you feeling even more nervous since you walked into his company. You never should have agreed to take on this project, you should have just stayed quiet and allowed Janice to take it. But no—you had to be proactive, you had to shove it in her face that you are just as good as a sales rep as her, maybe even better. Yet now, as you continue on with your spiel, the presentation you’ve worked so hard on only looks to be going down the drain. 

“Next slide.” Pete says, making you stutter in surprise but simply doing as you’re told and leaning down on your laptop to tap the key. The audible groan that emits from him has you edge as you do.

“Our product not only surpasses the ones like it but it’s tested and proven to do more.” You say with the remaining enthusiasm left in your system. “If you can see from the studies we’ve conducted, Jan—”

“Yawn.” Pete utters while actually doing so, leaning against the seat and resting his elbow atop the table, his cheek leaning on his fist. “Is there any version of this where we end up fucking?”

That stops you. Your brows furrowed in confusion with the words that just rolled out of his mouth. 

“Excuse me?” You say, disgust and shock curling in your voice.

He chuckles and stands from his seat, exaggeratingly stretching his arms before walking over to you at the end of the long table, fingers grazing over the wooden surface.

“You heard me. That presentation of yours? I’ve seen so many just like it from so many people who, just like you, are desperate for me to say yes.” You hear your heart beat frantically against your chest as he comes closer, your feet taking a step back but no more further as you’re suddenly frozen in place. 

“But just like them, I’m going to say no. You know why?” 

You don’t know if he’s asking a serious question or simply playing with you, trying to intimidate you with the unknown power he holds over your head. 

You don’t respond.

“Let me tell you why. Because it’s boring.” His words are like a vice to your chest. “I’m sure you’ve spent all night perfecting this powerpoint and practicing that speech, but, it just ain’t selling. Nothing about it interests me. Nothing about it makes me want to throw my money at it. And nothing about it makes me say ‘Wow!’”

His large hands trace the edge of your laptop before shutting it close, the room going dim, except for the light coming from the projector as your presentation vanishes.

“Nothing about them draws me in. Except you—” The way he says it makes your skin crawl and you take another step back when you see his eyes run up and down your figure, trapping his tongue between his teeth in the process. “There’s a fire in you. Like you would do anything to prove yourself.” He teases. Stopping just in front of you and framing his hip with his hand, in a way that has you seeing the bulge that has formed in his pants, while his other hand taps against the table, waiting, anticipating your next move. 

“So either, you walk out of this room with nothing—a loser like the rest of those chumps waiting outside to talk to me, or you go back to your boss with a big fat sale you can rub onto the one you took this project from.” 

Your hand visibly shakes with the tension that’s swirling around you. Is this what you want? To allow this man to order you around and do as he pleases for the sake of your career? What face would you show Daniel if he says no? Pete is one of the biggest clients he’s been chasing and you’ve been stupid enough to try and show off. 

Letting out a quivering sigh, you bite your lip and place your notes to the side, looking up at Pete’s face before clenching your fists and looking down at your feet. 

“A thousand pieces.” You argue. If you’re losing your dignity, you may as well get something bigger out of it. 

“You bend over this table and show me that ass and I’ll think about giving you seven hundred.” He bargains, a playful smirk forming on his lips—a sign of his victory and your defeat. 

It’s less yet still more than your initial ask. 

Nodding and once more releasing a breath, you lift up your pencil skirt to reveal your backside and lean against the table just like he’s asked. You bite your tongue to stop the yelp that wants to push from your lips when he slaps your ass and whimper in fear and hatred for this man when he grabs you by the waist and presses his clothed erection against you. 

“Make it worth my while, Sweetheart. My time ain’t cheap.”

“There’s our superstar!” Daniel says in oblivious excitement when you walk back into your department, Janice and the rest of your co-workers looking at you with expectation in their eyes. “Well?” Daniel prompts. “How many did he get?”

“Fifteen hundred with a possible order next month.” You say in resignation and present him the order slip signed by Pete with a note requesting for another meeting next week. Shock fills his eyes as he stares down at the paper before he punches the air in obvious celebration.

“No fucking way!” Janice says in disbelief, yet the others surround you, bidding their congratulations. 

“What did you tell him?” One of your co-workers asks.

“What did you do?” Another.

“She did her fucking best, that’s what.” Daniel says in excitement before hugging you tight. “I never doubted you one second, champ. I’m glad I gave you this account.”

If only you can say the same.

[laundrybiscuits]

Hawkins all lit up for Christmas is like something out of a postcard. It’s been a warm winter, which means big fat snowflakes piling up in fluffy drifts all over town, and string lights have been going up along every street and building to make the whole town look like a gingerbread fantasy.

Steve remembers it feeling a lot more magical when he was a kid, back when he didn’t have to shovel his car out of the drive or worry about winter tires. They don’t salt the back ways early enough in Hawkins, so on days like this, it always takes him longer to drive to work, going slow and cautious down the main roads, trapped in the Hawkins version of a traffic jam as everyone else does the exact same thing as him.

When he finally gets to the print shop, Donna McCorkle’s waving enthusiastically at him from the parking lot.

“Steven, honey! I’m so glad to see you out and about. I heard—” she leans in and whispers in a way that might actually be more conspicuous than yelling at the top of her lungs. “I heard about you and Laura. Sweetie, I’m so sorry, we all really thought you two would be taking a little stroll down the aisle by spring.”

“Thanks, Mrs. McCorkle,” Steve says. “I’m okay, honest. Just wasn’t meant to be, I guess.”

Jerry nods in greeting as Steve gets in and hangs up his winter coat. “Heya, Harrington. You’re six minutes late.”

“Sorry, boss,” grunts Steve, scraping off his boots.

“S’fine. Considering the circumstances and all. Just don’t get too hung up on her, eh, son? Can’t let some woman get you down. That’s no way for a man to live.”

“Right,” Steve says. “I’m okay, honest. Wasn’t meant to be.”

He shoves his lunch in the minifridge and heads out to his desk to check his messages.

———

He gets beers with Hopper after work. As soon as he slides into the booth, Hop raises a knowing eyebrow and snorts. “Folks around town been up your ass about the thing with Laura today?”

Steve groans. “Don’t even know how it got around so fast. We broke it off just yesterday, and I sure as hell didn’t tell anyone.”

Hopper nudges a bowl of peanuts his way. “Ah, you know how Hawkins is. People just want to see you doing well, kid.”

“People just need to mind their own damn business.”

Hopper’s face creases into a wry smile. The lines around his eyes seem to be getting deeper by the week. “They go a little overboard, sure. But come on, it’s nice knowing people care, ain’t it?”

“Sure.” Steve takes a long gulp of beer. “Nice.”

———

“I’m just—tired, Robbie,” he sighs into the phone. “Feels like I can’t walk down the street without running into someone trying to talk to me about the breakup.”

“It’s been coming for a while though, right? I mean, you’ve been talking about how you weren’t sure about her for a while. Like, actually way too long. Like this definitely should’ve happened six months ago.”

“I know, I know. But we were together for over a year, and it was…I dunno, nice. Easy. Felt like the thing to do. People are gonna start back up asking why I’m not married yet, ‘cause everyone else around here seems to be.”

Robin’s laugh crackles down the line, tinny and familiar. He presses the receiver tight against his face like it’ll bring Robin closer.

“Miss the hell out of you, Buckley. Can’t wait until you get back for Christmas.”

“Actually…” Even through the shitty line, he can tell Robin sounds a little nervous. “I was thinking. Well, me and Eddie were thinking. My folks aren’t going to be in Hawkins this year, they’re visiting my aunts in Vermont, and…we’ve got some friends here who are planning to just stay in the city for the holidays. So. What would you think, hypothetically, about coming here instead of me going there? It could be fun! You’ve only visited like twice, and you haven’t visited at all since I moved in with Eddie. You should come see our place, it’s pretty great.”

It’s true, he hasn’t made the trip out for a while. Robin and Eddie had been talking about moving in together for years, and last spring they’d finally found a place they liked. Steve had offered to drive up and help them move in, but their move-in date was Laura’s cousin’s wedding weekend, so that hadn’t worked out. And then it had just been easy to let his summer and fall get away from him, and just see Robin when she came back to Hawkins, because Eddie never comes back to Hawkins at all if he can help it.

Steve’s not avoiding Eddie. Of course he's not. There’s no reason for him to avoid Eddie, because the thing about Eddie is that there’s not a thing. There’s never been a thing.

But the lack-of-thing, the space where a thing could maybe have been, is something that’s followed Steve around for the last six years or so whether he likes it or not.

It’s not like he thinks about it every day, or anything like that. It’s just that—there was a moment, maybe, back in ‘87. He’d been smoking with Eddie outside in the miserable freeze of February. The grimy slush around them had been half-liquid in a way that was going to be trouble in the morning, after it'd had a chance to freeze over.

“If I asked,” Eddie had said, eyes fixed on the distant gray skies. “Would you come with me?”

Steve hadn’t had an answer, then. He’d thought he’d known, by that point, all the different ways he could be afraid, so it took him a second to recognize the feeling clawing its way up his ribcage and quickening his pulse. His tongue had felt thick and useless in his mouth.

Eddie’d just nodded once in a matter-of-fact way, and crushed his cigarette butt beneath the scuffed toe of his boot. “Don’t worry your pretty head about it, Harrington. I won’t ask.”

And then a week later he’d been gone. So it’s not like there was anything at all, not ever.

“Steve?” Robin’s voice is still kind of nervous. “What do you think? We’d both really love to see you.”

“Okay,” says Steve. “Sure. I’ll visit you guys for Christmas. Why the hell not?”

(continued here)

[antixristina]

“There she is. . . the “too much” woman. The one who loves too hard, feels too deeply, asks too often, desires too much.

There she is taking up too much space, with her laughter, her curves, her honesty, her sexuality. Her presence is as tall as a tree, as wide as a mountain. Her energy occupies every crevice of the room. Too much space she takes.

There she is causing a ruckus with her persistent wanting, too much wanting. She desires a lot, wants everything—too much happiness, too much alone time, too much pleasure. She’ll go through brimstone, murky river, and hellfire to get it. She’ll risk all to quell the longings of her heart and body. This makes her dangerous.

She is dangerous.

And there she goes, that “too much” woman, making people think too much, feel too much, swoon too much. She with her authentic prose and a self-assuredness in the way she carries herself. She with her belly laughs and her insatiable appetite and her proneness to fiery passion. All eyes on her, thinking she’s hot shit.

Oh, that “too much” woman. . . too loud, too vibrant, too honest, too emotional, too smart, too intense, too pretty, too difficult, too sensitive, too wild, too intimidating, too successful, too fat, too strong, too political, too joyous, too needy—too much.

She should simmer down a bit, be taken down a couple notches. Someone should put her back in a more respectable place. Someone should tell her.

Here I am. . . a Too Much Woman, with my too-tender heart and my too-much emotions.

A hedonist, feminist, pleasure seeker, empath. I want a lot—justice, sincerity, spaciousness, ease, intimacy, actualization, respect, to be seen, to be understood, your undivided attention, and all of your promises to be kept.

I’ve been called high maintenance because I want what I want, and intimidating because of the space I occupy. I’ve been called selfish because I am self-loving. I’ve been called a witch because I know how to heal myself.

And still. . . I rise. Still, I want and feel and ask and risk and take up space.

I must.

Us Too Much Women have been facing extermination for centuries—we are so afraid of her, terrified of her big presence, of the way she commands respect and wields the truth of her feelings. We’ve been trying to stifle the Too Much Woman for ions—in our sisters, in our wives, in our daughters. And even now, even today, we shame the Too Much Woman for her bigness, for her wanting, for her passionate nature.

And still. . . she thrives.

In my own world and before my very eyes, I am witnessing the reclamation and rising up of the Too Much Woman. That Too Much Woman is also known to some as Wild Woman or the Divine Feminine. In any case, she is me, she is you, and she is loving that she’s finally, finally getting some airtime.

If you’ve ever been called “too much,” or “overly emotional,” or “bitchy,” or “stuck up,” you are likely a Too Much Woman.

And if you are. . . I implore you to embrace all that you are—all of your depth, all of your vastness; to not hold yourself in, and to never abandon yourself, your bigness, your radiance.

Forget everything you’ve heard—your too much-ness is a gift; oh yes, one that can heal, incite, liberate, and cut straight to the heart of things.

Do not be afraid of this gift, and let no one shy you away from it. Your too much-ness is magic, is medicine. It can change the world.

So please, Too Much Woman: Ask. Seek. Desire. Expand. Move. Feel. Be.

Make your waves, fan your flames, give us chills.

Please, rise.

We need you.” Ev’Yan Witney

[gabessquishytum]

whoever sent the student vampire ask ur brain is unfathomably large. i love student/teacher stuff tbh it surprises me that we’ve discussed fake student dream x hob but never actual student dream x hob. dream coming home to visit his family after his first week of uni telling death about his professor gadling’s expertise of history, only for desire to butt in about dream fucking him for a grade.

but the next semester around exams, when dream’s grades are slipping (and especially dr gadlings’, because dream knows hob is kind enough that if he struggled they could talk it out during office hours— he didn’t feel that comfortable with his other professors so he had to prioritize their classes), he thinks that maybe when he meets with hob after class, he should wear a pair of low-rise pants that hug his ass just right…with a too-small t-shirt he stole from one of his siblings— not quite a crop top but small enough that it rides up and shows that yes, he has a happy trail, and no, he’s not wearing underwear. and maybe hob tries to keep his cool, wants to convince himself that he wouldn’t take advantage of a student because it’s wrong and inappropriate, but he’s been jacking off to the thought of dream’s full lips and pert little ass for so many months he knows he has no choice but to give in to what they both want and hope they don’t get caught.

You’re so right, we haven’t covered this as much as we should!! I guess we should fix that 😏

Professor Gadling, well… he’s a great teacher, and he’s very kind and gentle when he feels like his students need that. But he isn’t necessarily a good man. He’s on the younger side for a professor and Dream sure isn’t the first to have a crush on him. He’s given out better grades for students who do “extra research” before, and if the extra research involved him getting a blowjob from a student under his desk, well… they’re technically all adults. No one has ever complained about him.

And here’s Dream standing in his office, all long limbs and shy glances. What is Hob supposed to do with him, honestly? He’s not paid enough to resist that.

Hob agrees to let him retake some papers, and pretty much promises him a good grade “for all the effort you’ve put in, Dream. I know you try so hard to be good, and I want to take that into account.”

Dream is quite happy to bend over Hob’s desk. It’s been a while since he’s been fucked, and Hob seems to know what he’s doing. He has Dream crying and kicking his legs in sheer desperation within a few short minutes, and he’s big - thick and fat from base to tip, like a real man. Dream thinks he’ll never make do with anyone his own age again.

He leaves the office sniffling and trembling. Hob hands him a tissue and gives him a gentle pat on the shoulder - the image of a compassionate professor comforting a student.

“Next time.” He says, soft in Dream’s ear - “wear some pretty panties for me, yeah? So I can stuff them in your sweet mouth, and no one will hear your slutty noises.”

[not-a-space-alien]

Savage Sunset Chapter 21S

In this chapter: Stimming, and unpleasant secrets come to light

Warnings: Weight discussion, mentions of rape and torture (off-screen)

Story masterpost

Complementary chapter

***

“All right, up you go.”

Still in his pajamas, Valen tentatively stepped up onto the bathroom scale.

Ari scrutinized the numbers.  “All right, 73 pounds!  You’re getting there, big guy!”

“How much did you weigh before all this?” Lex asked.

“A-about a hundred and ten pounds, I think.”

“That’s still on the light side,” Ari said.  “We’ve gotta fatten you up.”

“He’s already gained ten pounds.”

“Yeah, it’s a wonder what three square meals a day can do to ya.”

“Thank you,” Valen said cryptically.  As usual, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking.   He sounded like he was about to cry.

Ari asked, “Everything okay?”

“It’s just–it’s just been a lot.”

“Of course….You just take it easy.  You don’t have to worry about anything anymore.”

They’d needed to wait a while for his legs to un-break themselves, but that’d been sped up considerably now that he was no longer starving.  He’d been getting more steady on his feet, and seemed to actually have some energy and maybe, if you squinted, even start to develop some muscle and fat back.

Ari helped Valen back down the stairs and into the living room.  She eyed the coffin.  “Um…  So…I promise it’s okay…But…”

Lex followed Ari’s gaze and immediately knew what she was thinking:  Valen had once again torn up his pillow.  Both the pillow case and the pillow itself had bite marks all over, the filling spilling out.  “Oh.  We can replace it again, don’t worry.”

Valen wrung his hands.  “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I keep ruining them.”  His eyes watered.  “I’m trying not to, but I do it in my sleep.”

“It’s okay,” Lex said, taking his elbow.  “It’s not a big deal.”

He broke eye contact, looking down, face red.

“I noticed that you grind your teeth and bite things when you’re awake too.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, tears spilling over.  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I promise I’m not–I’m not–”

“Relax,” Ari said, putting hands on his shoulders as though to push him back into his body.  “We’re just trying to figure out how to fix whatever problem you’re having.”

He sniffled and wiped his cheek with the back of his hand.  “It’s an anxious habit.  It was–chewing on the muzzle was really the only thing I could do sometimes.”

Lex’s heart broke imagining all the times he’d been in massive pain and unable to move, the only activity available to him grinding his teeth on the metal bit in his mouth.  That would…also explain why all his teeth had been a little bit worn down, from the constant wear against the metal surface.  “It’s okay that you do that.  I don’t think you should try and make yourself stop.  Can you open your mouth for me for a minute?”

He did so, still not making eye contact.  Lex noted his fangs were fully grown back in.  His teeth didn’t look damaged at all–having restored themselves from their ground-down state–but there were threads of fabric stuck in them here and there.

“Do you want us to get you a chew toy?” Lex asked.

Valen shut his mouth.  “A chew toy…?”

“I bet the kind they make for dogs would stand up to your chewing better.  Or we could try and find a binky, or something along those lines.”

“....Yes, I would like that.”

***

Lex and Ari had continued to go on patrol–they’d taken a few days off work to help Valen, then once they’d settled into a routine and felt comfortable leaving him home alone, started to go back to work.  They did need the money and couldn’t just not go back to work….but they did try to avoid running into any actual vampires, the situation at home weighing heavily on their minds.

They stopped at the store on the way home, in the hours when the sunrise was still young, and bought several dog toys that looked like they could take some serious biting.  They also tried to find the biggest pacifier they could.

While they were in the children’s section, Lex noticed the books.

“You can’t be serious,” Ari said, as Lex picked up a few nonfiction books that looked to be for middle-schoolers.  “The man was practicing advanced biochemistry when we found him.”

“I’ve seen him reading, but he never turns the pages and just kind of stares at it blankly.  I think he needs something to….ease him back in.”

“...Well, it couldn’t hurt to offer, at least.  Keep the receipt, we can just return them if he doesn’t want ‘em.”

When they got home, Valen was in fact doing the exact thing Lex had noted.  He had a virology book open on his lap, but he was just staring over it at the window, where the curtains glowed from the sunlight they were holding back.

“Hey,” Lex said, kneeling by the coffin where he was lying down.  “We got some things for you.”

The paper bag crinkled as he dug inside it.  “Oh. Thank you.”  He picked up one of the books and flipped it open.  There was a picture of an elephant, with simple text next to it telling elephant facts.  His eyes drifted over the text. He slowly ran a hand over the picture, then grabbed one of the pacifiers and put it in his mouth, chewing it quietly.  Once again, it was impossible to tell what he really thought, but he seemed to make heavy use of the gifts over the next few days, which seemed like a good sign. 

***

Lex was now recovered enough that she felt confident to help feed Valen, so he now had four people feeding him.  Ari seemed to warm up to being fed from a little bit more, and Bailey and Jerome came over as often as they could, too.  He was still massively underweight, but he started to lose the sallow, skeletal appearance fairly quickly with the amount of support he was getting.

Valen was still visibly nervous, though.  He was reserved, and still didn’t seem to trust Lex and Ari fully.  Which was completely understandable, but if there was anything they could do to speed that up, that would probably help Valen feel safer.

Once when Ari was talking on the phone with Nick, Lex saw him physically flinch.  His hearing was good enough that he could probably hear Nicks’ voice just as well as Ari, and he immediately climbed back into his coffin and hid, a mass of quivering blankets.

“You’re okay,” Lex soothed, rubbing his back through the blanket.  “He’s not here.”

“Does-does he know where you live?”

“No,” Lex said.  “No, he doesn’t, remember?”  Lex had reassured him of this probably about a dozen times by now.

Valen huddled under the covers, two red, watery eyes peering out from under the blankets.

Ari quickly finished her conversation and hung up the phone, coming back in.  “Nick is still trying to rope someone else into getting a live capture.  I think he’s getting desperate, because he called just to tell me the bounty’s gone up again.”

Valen let out a terrified whine.

“We’re not giving you back,” Ari said firmly.  “We’re not letting him find out you’re still alive, and we’re not letting anyone else take you.  You say the word, and we take you straight to the border.”

Valen peeked out from under the blanket.  “You were talking to him.”  He said it in an accusatory way.

“Nick? Yeah, on the phone,” Ari said, not seeing his point.

“And at work sometimes, yeah,” Lex added.

“You were talking to him like he’s a person and not a monster.”

Lex and Ari looked at each other, then back at him.  “He’s fucked up,” Ari said.  “But everything he did, he had permission for.”

Valen burst into tears.  Lex’s stomach sank.

“...Right?” Ari said, suddenly alarmed.

“No,” Valen wept.  “No, no, a thousand times no.  He came back at night when the compound was empty because everyone was out on patrol.  He opened the coffin when he was alone, he broke the rules all the time.”

“What?” Ari growled.  “What for?”

“Ari,” Lex said.  Fuck, fuck, she almost didn’t want to know the answer to Ari’s question, but she also thought it was unfair to ask….Especially since Valen was now crying so hard that he couldn’t even get the words out to answer.

Ari knelt, steadying him and supporting him in her arms.  “Breathe, breathe, you’re okay.”

Lex handed him a tissue.  He took it, but was still crying too hysterically to use it.

“Let it out, baby,” Ari said.  “You’re okay.”

Valen took in great, sobbing gasps, wiping his eyes, then blowing his nose.  He wiped his cheeks, which were flushed with black blood.  “S–sorry.”

“You’re okay.  Let it out.”

His lip wobbled.  He grabbed the stuffed cat Lex had put in the coffin, hugging it.  “Nick has a shocking sadistic streak that he knows how to keep hidden.”

Ari stood, palming her mouth.  “All right.  Fuck.”

“I’m sorry,” Lex said.  “We didn’t know.”  She was still lying to herself.  They’d suspected.  But none of them had cared enough.  It’d bothered them, a little, but they’d still been in the “he deserves it” phase.

“He did it all the time.  When we were alone.  He, he, he would do anything he couldn’t get away with during the day under supervision.  Things that–that could have no possible justification.  Humiliating things, senseless torture, rape-”

“What the fuck,” Ari said.  She was turning a cartoonish shade of red with her anger.  “I’m going to kill him.  I’m going to fucking kill him.”

Lex felt sick.  It was fucked up enough the things Nick had done with permission, but there had at least been reasons for those.  Not even the director would approve of meaningless torture.  And oh God, Valen hadn’t even been able to tell anyone that this was happening, this whole time.  Nick had known he could get away with it, because letting Valen talk had been the one thing they’d all known to avoid at any cost.  “We need to tell the director.  He needs to know.” 

“We can’t,” Ari said, through gritted teeth.  “We can’t do anything with this information without everyone finding out Valen is alive.”

Valen took one of the chew toys and put it in his mouth, grinding anxiously.

“I’m going to fucking kill him.  I’m going to shoot him as many times as bullets I have, and then I’m going to get more bullets and shoot him some more.  They’re going to be scrubbing him out of the carpet for months afterwards.”

“Ari, shut up,” Lex said.  Valen had pulled the blanket back over his, still shaking with fear.  “You just said we can’t do anything to let anyone know Valen is alive.  And getting yourself arrested isn’t going to help anyone.”

Ari left the room.  Lex could hear the punching bag Ari always used when she needed to let off steam being beaten half to death.

Lex knelt down.  “What do you want us to do, Valen?”

Valen breathed heavily for a few moments, looking positively overwhelmed.  Then he finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

Ari came back in, still breathing heavily.  She had a foil package in one hand.  “Take this.  All of it.”

Valen hesitated, then took the package.  It had several small white pills inside.  “What is it?”

“Emergency contraception.”

Valen’s eyes widened  “You don’t think–It isn’t possible, surely, for a human and a vampire…?”

“I don’t know.  But I’m not taking any chances.  The whole pack.”

“Will it even work?”

“It’s hormones, so if testosterone injections work on you, then maybe.”

Lex was so horrified that for a moment, she wanted to protest that this wasn’t necessary, that surely Nick hadn’t…

But if Nick hadn’t, then Valen would have said they weren’t necessary.  But instead, Valen just looked grim and started pushing the pills through the foil to swallow them.

***

“Try the bolt cutters again.”

“We’re not trying the fucking bolt cutters again.  We already saw that didn’t work.”

“I don’t think we’re going to make any progress this way.”

“We might if you give me longer than ten seconds!”

“We might have to use the saw.”

“We’re not using the fucking saw.  You’re going to take his damn head off.”

Valen clearly looked nervous about the direction the conversation was taking.  He was currently bent over the workbench among a nest of tools and books spread out around him.  Ari gripped his head with one hand, pushing him down a bit painfully on accident, and he winced.  “Fuck me, I didn’t expect this to be so hard.”

Ari continued jamming the lockpick into the padlock keeping the metal collar on Valen’s neck, grunting in frustration, consulting the books on the table, which all had diagrams of locks.  It’d been years since she’d picked a lock, but she was determined to get this stupid thing off Valen’s neck today.  She’d suddenly decided it was urgent to get it off, and now had the energy of an irritated, tired father on a road trip as his family sits in cowed silence, afraid to worsen his mood as he drives.

Ari took a step back, letting him stand upright.  “And you’re sure you can’t break it now that you’ve gotten some strength back.”

Ari had already asked this a good three or four times.  Lex had stopped bothering to remind her that the equipment was vampire-proof and therefore Valen would never be able to break it no matter how strong he was, that was the point.

Valen indulged her, hands pulling on the collar, then at the lock.   “Yes, ma’am, I’m quite sure.”

Ari scowled. "All right. Lex, hold the light." Valen craned his neck upwards, wincing away as Ari went at it with the lockpicks again.

"Maybe we can try and get the key off Nick-"

"No, I'm not doing anything that could clue that maniac into the fact that we have Valen."

Valen’s breathing sped up noticeably. 

Ari started to huff and puff angrily, motions becoming agitated. She eventually broke a lockpick and tossed it to the ground, cursing.

"All right, let's take a break," Lex said.

Ari plopped down onto the chair they kept downstairs next to the workbench. "Fuck.  I can’t–I can’t–I still can’t believe he did that.”  I can’t believe we let him do that.  She hated Nick, and she hated herself.  There was only one thing that could make her hate herself a little bit less.

She stood back up and attacked the collar again.

“Ari, stop, take a break.”

“I’m fixing this,” she snarled.  “I’m getting it off, I’m fixing it.  Give me the saw.”

“Ari, you’re scaring him.”

Ari looked up and realized Valen was cringing back, frightened by her intensity and anger, eyes squeezed shut.

Ari dropped the lockpicking stuff.  “I’m sorry,” she said, finally letting the tears well up in her eyes.  “I’m so fucking sorry we did this to you.”

Valen looked at her for a moment, then his face softened.  He reached out to touch her elbow.  She pulled him into a hug, burying him in her ample bosom and broad arms, and cried into his hair.  “F-fuck.  I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

His arms tentatively came around her.  “I’m…not going to say it’s okay,” Valen started.  “Because it isn’t.  But when we make mistakes, what matters is what we do after that.  And you’ve chosen to do everything within your power to fix things, even though it meant confronting your own feelings of shame and guilt.  Looking uncomfortable truths in the eye takes courage and integrity, and for that I admire you.”

This was the moment at which Ari fell a little bit in love with him.  She decided to handle this by choking out, “Wow, okay, Aristotle.”

Lex let out a laugh, slapping Ari on the arm lightly.  “You goofball.  Come on, sit down, let me try for once.”

Ari sat down, wiping her nose on the back of her hand.

Lex, considerably more calm and steady-handed than Ari currently was, gave it a try.  Valen seemed visibly more relaxed now that it was Lex’s hands on him, and she spent a minute examining the diagram of the lock with all its pins.  She took the lockpicks and started fiddling with it.

The lock popped open.  “There, see?  Nothing we can’t fix.”

***

Tag list <3

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@zillastar13

[the-crystal-one]

Big Mouth x Black Reader

(Remember everyone had a big mouth phase...no...just me....fine)

Hello my name is Shalene. “And I’m Connie!” Oh yeah and this is my hormone monstress Connie. Yeah, “I’ve been with Shalene since she was 10, early bloomer, now look at 'er Big Tits, Fat ass and a wet pu-" YOU may not know me but you might know of my little sister Missy.She’s a bit much sometimes but I love her she’s awesome! Anyway I’m dating this guy Judd Birch “Total hottie, he gotta big dick too.”aaaaaand he’s actually really chill but for the past week something has been off. Every time I go over to his house he just takes me up to his room and we never come out. It’s not that I don’t like it the thing is I feel like he’s trying to distance me from his family. "And we ain’t no fuckin secret!” We’ve gotten the past the parent stage so I don’t understand what the problem is. 🎵 You’re either with me or-(Doomed)- Hug me!-🎵 Oh Judd is calling. “Heeeeey Judd~”

He chuckles and clears his throat. “What’s up hot stuff?~” “Ooooh are we gonna do sexy shit on the phone? I have my phone dildo…somewhere.” ‘Connie! Shhhhhhh.’ “Hehe Nothing much I was just laying down what’s with you?~” “Oh not much you wanna come over for dinner?~”

“Judd do you mean like sit at the table or we stay there for two minutes and then go to your room?”

I can feel him roll his eyes through the phone. “Yesh but you got to admit…he does look hot while doing it.” ‘…..Okay yes you do have a point.’

“Yeah babe I mean sit at the shitty table.”

I smile widely. “Well then hell yeah! I’m on my way.”

“Alright then see you later cute ass~” “You can fuck me in mine.”

I chuckle and roll my eyes. “Shut up Judd.~” 

I hang up the phone and get ready to go, putting a slip knot crop top on and some rip jeans. I tell my parents I’m going and get the use protection talk then dip! “Yeah! Protection Shows Weakness!”

———15 minutes later———

I knock on the door and wait for someone to open it. Behind it I can hear people bustling around sort of like they were arguing to get to the door first. 

“The fuck are they doing? *gasp* They’re havin an orgy and they wanted you to come!” ‘Eeeeeeeew Connie that’s gross.’

Finally Judd while the door open and pulls me inside with a kiss. “Woooooo we gon' get down in the livin room!”

“Oh wow Judd real mature.” says while rolling his eyes

Judd let me go and flicks him off hit him causing me to smack his hand. “Hey Nicky, sorry about that."

He blushes and leans against the couch promptly falling, then quickly standing back up. “O-oh yeah it’s cool man-girl-woman.” Connie looks at Nick, “Ya know I think he still has a crush on you.”

I chuckle and shake my head. Judd points a finger in Nick's face. “Hey loser stop being so fucking weird.” I nudge him in the side. “Hey Judd don’t be an ass.”

He scoffs and drags me to the table were his parents are.

“Hello Mr.Birch, Mrs.Birch.” 

“Hey there Shalene, so sweet of you to join us for dinner. and I told you, Call me Elliot!” Mrs. Birch looked at him then back to me. “Hello honey, how are your parents?”

——5 minutes of small talk then dinner—

“Hey Judd can you pass the salad dressing you fucking slut?”

“How about the balsamic bitch?”

Leah snorts and covers her mouth.

I try to keep my food in my mouth while laughing. Connie is rolling around on the floor and cackling like a hyena.

“Nicky can we not slut shame at the table?”

Then Nick goes into this whole thing about how Judd was hooking up with one of the girls who was his friend but he alsoooo likes,Jesse.

I look at Judd then he looks at me almost foaming from the mouth.

“Ya know we when get past this, he’s gonna wanna fuck baby.”‘Oh I’m aware and I’ve come to terms with that’

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Nick then went to talk about how he likes Jesse and he found  his shirt under Jesse’s pillow.

Judd stands up and grabs my hands.

“Didn’t fuck your friend that’s gross.”

He walks me up to his room and locks the door. I take my shoes off and smile at him. 

“Judd Birch I thought I knew you.” I flop on the bed and lay on my back.

Connie cheers happily and disappears to wherever she goes.

Judd takes his shirt off and hovers over me.

“Oh shut the hell up.”

He kisses me while rubbing his hands up and down my hips. I put my hands on his shoulders and slip my tongue into his mouth. He grunts softly and plays with my waistband, asking for permission. I nod my head and he slides my pants off. 

“Baby,I told you you don’t have to ask.”

Judd looks up at me as he slides my panties off and climbs back on top of me,lightly gripping my neck.

“I know I just have manners, I’m not an animal.”

I giggle and lean up whispering into his ear. “Could’ve fooled me.” Judd growls deeply and kisses me with force. “Babe, you don't know how long I've been waiting for you to come over again~" I giggle and touch his cheek. "You mean since yesterday JuJu?" He attacked my neck, definitely leaving hickies. "A-ah, you're gonna leave a mark~" He began rubbing me through my underwear. "I know, I intend to do that now shut it."

He slips his cold, long fingers into my black boyshorts and starts toying with my clit. My back arches off of his bed and I aimlessly nod my head. "Right there baby~" He kissed me, probably to shut me up. His fingers went from my clit to my soaking wet hole and he pumped them, in and out at an antagonizingly slow pace. "J-juuuudd, please~" He cocked his head to the side like he didn't know what I was talking about. "What's wrong?" "F-faster, I need it~" He nodded his head and the thrust of his fingers became faster. "Yes fuck~!" I grabbed a pillow to put over my face so the rest of the Birch's didn't think I was losing my shit...well I already am but that's not the point. He moved his body lover and started sucking on my clit. My head nodded faster and my hips bucked into his face. "S-so close baby, don't stop~!" Lucky for me Judd was a good listener and gave me exactly what I wanted. "Sh-shit!" My body felt as if it was floating on clouds and fireworks were going off back to back. I slowly came down from this high and ran my fingers through his hair. "G-god I love you so much." I looked down at him and smiled. He kissed my thighs and nodded his head. "I love you too beautiful."

A/N: I...am not sorry at all😭 Wheeeew I'm happy I actually finished this.

[blown-up91]

Chris' healing (Part 2)

She put her hands on her hips and let out a smile “Well, Okay. Let’s Celebrate! I’ve been preparing for this actually” She went over into the kitchen and returned with a sheet cake. “Tres Leche, you’re favorite!” She knew Chris was never the type to comment on the amount of food, the cake could feed 12 people easily, she was going to make him eat every bite. She put it down in front of him with a spatula. “Go ahead honey, dig in” He didn’t need much prompting, he started shoveling the cake in his mouth as she sat and watched. “Well babe, I’m honestly going to be so sad to see you go” He responded with a grunt as he kept eating, slurping the thick, creamy, sugary milk mixture the cake was bathed in. “Don’t worry about talking back, there’s just some things I wanted to say you about the past few months” He didn’t respond, he just kept stuffing his face. “It’s been so nice having you home every day, I feel like we’ve grown a lot closer” she reached out and started to rub his belly as he ate, it was large, soft, and creamy, the type of belly you can sink your fingers into. “Not just us, but you have grown a lot.” He seemed to pause a bit, but kept eating “You’ve been through so many changes in your healing time, and it's really what has brought us so close together. See, you’ve gotten so… large” she said, shaking his gut. She saw his face turn red, she’s never spoken to him like this “See you’ve really gotten so big. Just eating all day, and sitting there… you could’ve gone back to work months ago… what stopped you? Youre big, fat, hungry gut, that’s what” she said, grabbing his belly. Maybe it was out of embarrassment, maybe he was resigned, but he just kept eating. “You’ve literally blown up like a big lard filled balloon. You’re more than twice the man you used to be, literally. I’ve fed you like my prized hog, and you’ve grown like one.” He finally put the spatula down, ready to protest. “Wait babe don’t stop, her let me help” she picked up the spatula up and shoved another bite of cake in his mouth, he moaned in protest, but he didn’t stop her. Then she fed him another. And another. And another. She continued “that’s a good pig. See, this is what you want. As long as you don’t go to that physical, they have to keep paying you” she fed him more. “And do you think you’ll pass with this gut? Those fat manboobs? Your big, wide load of an ass? And thick tree trunk thighs? Do you really think they’re going to let you back out there? You probably couldn’t walk up a flight of stairs” He gulped, his face so red it looked like a tomato. She gave him a moment to breathe, 2/3rds of the tray had been finished, his gut bloated and distended from the stuffing. She ran her fingers along his gut “here sweetheart, how about this, let’s get you on the bathroom scale, and if it can even READ your weight, maybe you can do it. But we both know it can’t, we both know it’s past that, but you know what? It would be fun to try. Let’s waddle your big blubbery ass in there, and see.” She kept feeding him “maybe after all this cake, and all that fucking trash you ate all day, you’re actually fit enough to pass a work physical. Maybe you’re not a complete, obese, whale of a fucking man. With a belly button so deep I can practically put my whole hand into it” She said, as she slipped her hand up his belly button. “But, something tells me, you’re too far gone. You were always a glutton, not once did you ever protest. You know a regular person would maybe, object to his girlfriend feeding him 6 meals a day. A regular man might question when she brings him a 2nd tub of ice cream after he finishes the first one himself. Hell a regular man wouldn’t even let himself finish a tub of ice cream. But oh no, Not you Chris. If it’s in front of you, you’re gonna eat it, and  you keep eating, just like now. I can sit here, look you in the eyes, and call you a pig, over, and over, and over, and you just keep eating. Watch” She fed him another bite “Pig”

And another “Fatass” and Another “lardboy” and Another “Two Ton” The Last Piece “Fucking Whale, you did it. You ate a party sized tray of cake, all, by, yourself. While you got mocked.” She smacked his gut “Guess what” she sloshed the tin around, it was full of cream “There’s one more treat, open wide” his beat red face sputted in protest as she lifted the tray to his lips, but he listened, she dumped the creamy mixture into his fat maw. He gulped, and gulped, and gulped, he instinctively grabbed his gut as she filled him, her hand having to leave his belly for the first time of the conversation to funnel him. “Well now, let’s get you on that scale” (Hope everyone enjoys my debut story. I intend on writing a second part that’s focused more on physical description of Chris’ body)

[targaryen-dynasty]

Ok since you said it was ok to vent I am going to well rather humiliating myself because rejection therapy or something like that. Basically there’s this place I volunteer at and I met this girl, we don’t have the same work but our schedules line up when we both have lunch break so we have been having lunch with her for the past weeks. it’s not everyday but enough for us to get close or that’s what I thought anyways

I had a meeting today so I was later than usual for lunch and I saw her sitting there but she didn’t see me first so I thought I should prank call her and I watched her look at the phone and continue what she was doing- that’s not even the worse part I went to her and I was like hey I tried to call you as a joke and she looked at me and was like oh that was you I thought it was a random number.… she didn’t have my number saved in her phone- we’ve literally spoken through messages that weekend- but that’s not even the worse part

She wasn’t exactly coming off as distance she was still acting nice but to be sure I just didn’t just want to sit down so I was like I have a while before I have to go back in for work you know not trying to directly ask if I can sit and she said well I hope you find something to do-

THAT WAS SO HUMILIATINGGGGGGGGGGG

I don’t know if I should laugh, scream, cry-

I can’t bring myself to tell my friends this so I thought why not strangers in the internet

I mean it when I say my blog is a safe space for venting, and you don‘t know how much it means to me you really chose to do so!

But, I‘m also incredibly sorry that you had to make this experience and go through this. It‘s not just humiliating, but I know exactly how you must have felt (or probably still do) in that moment. Believe me when I say, I‘d love to do nothing more than to give you a big, fat hug and throw some mf hands.

Hope getting it off your chest helped a little bit, and that you‘re feeling better now! 💕

[afr0-thunder]

[Poor Chronicles Pt. 25]

Topics: Savings/Service/Wants/Work (Social)/Fucking Up Lives/Work Related (Social)/Villain Origins/Shopping/Income/Hobbies

Savings: $140 > $146

Having service has been amazing. I spend it mostly watching Tik Toks and checking social media. I may (keyword) acquire Wi-Fi. No guarantees. My service is absolutely terrible, but manageable. I would only use it for loading posts on Tumblr.

I considered getting an iPad, if I do, for watching movies/television and potentially YouTube videos, but I don’t have any subscriptions for any streaming services. Also, I have means for entertainment otherwise, I just decided to put off any additions for the time being (my Dominican neighbors are thieves). I want to order some books as well.

Titties from work, aside from being a racist nigger, is cool. Fucking her life up should be fun. She seems crazy and I find it amusing. If she wasn’t racist, we’d probably be cool, but bouncing on this dick is just as cool.

I keep having small encounters with the newer girl. I keep trying to tell her about my dream, but another coworker pops up and I have to pretend I’m a homosexual again. Last time, I caught her eating in my manager’s office on her break. She was trying not to spit that shit out when I was talking to her, she was so cute.

There’s another girl, on my instagram. Sexy, tall, dark skinned, big titties, fat ass. I thought she was kind of cute. I was just thinking, she’s actually my favorite type of black girl (pretty, sexy body, unapologetically black). That is until I watched her story. She’s been slandering light skinned men this week. First, she posted a meme that said, “Dark skins do it better.” and said she doesn’t take light skinned men seriously. I was like, “I would swipe up, but she gone think I’m hurt.”, then she posted a Tik Tok a few days later LISTING things she doesn’t take seriously. “Lightskin niggas” was like 1/12. I was like, “Why are we even mutuals?…fuck it, ima just fuck her life up.”. Them 22 likes on her post was shiesty though. Get your likes up bitch! Still was sexy though. We’ve never met, but I believe she’s from Chicago.

I passed one of our regulars after I clocked out last night, by the Bean at Millennium Park. I don’t think she noticed me. I had my hood up and she was on the phone. She usually comes with her boyfriend and he lowkey gets mad because I lowkey ignore his ass and ask her what they’re ordering. Then I start pretending like that didn’t happen, so shit doesn’t get awkward. She came in by herself for the first time about a week ago. I told her I remembered her. Bitch is thick as fuck. She has braces, but I know a bitch who’s gonna be bad as fuck with her braces off when I see one.

There’s one more. There’s this girl. I don’t follow her, but I always like her Tik Toks when they come up on my “For You” page. She’s ugly as fuck, but I would still fuck the shit out of her. I still have her number, but she keeps posting this guy. I don’t know why. Simon didn’t say you could have a boyfriend. Waiting for her to realize we’re dating. Bitches are so crazy.

I bought the Ralph Lauren Polo sweater before my pay. I had to use my monthly expenses (they’ve been replaced). It actually did not fit my color theme. I had mistaken the navy for another color, everything else fits though. It was an XXL. I also found out it was 30% off. It was still $106. I love it already. I don’t want to keep up these spending habits, but I may just start shopping there, there’s a lot of nice things.

I was asked to stay later on Thursday night. These spontaneous doubles are only hitting in one place. My bank account. Shit was so long I thought it was Friday and that I had one more day of work. I got myself excited for nothing.

I want to start taking pictures of myself again, but I haven’t found the time.

- MH (2023)

[exhaustedlibrarian]

“There she is. . . the “too much” woman. The one who loves too hard, feels too deeply, asks too often, desires too much.

There she is taking up too much space, with her laughter, her curves, her honesty, her sexuality. Her presence is as tall as a tree, as wide as a mountain. Her energy occupies every crevice of the room. Too much space she takes.

She is dangerous.

And there she goes, that “too much” woman, making people think too much, feel too much, swoon too much. She with her authentic prose and a self-assuredness in the way she carries herself. She with her belly laughs and her insatiable appetite and her proneness to fiery passion. All eyes on her, thinking she’s hot shit.

Oh, that “too much” woman. . . too loud, too vibrant, too honest, too emotional, too smart, too intense, too pretty, too difficult, too sensitive, too wild, too intimidating, too successful, too fat, too strong, too political, too joyous, too needy—too much.

She should simmer down a bit, be taken down a couple notches. Someone should put her back in a more respectable place. Someone should tell her.

Here I am. . . a Too Much Woman, with my too-tender heart and my too-much emotions.

A hedonist, feminist, pleasure seeker, empath. I want a lot—justice, sincerity, spaciousness, ease, intimacy, actualization, respect, to be seen, to be understood, your undivided attention, and all of your promises to be kept.

I’ve been called high maintenance because I want what I want, and intimidating because of the space I occupy. I’ve been called selfish because I am self-loving. I’ve been called a witch because I know how to heal myself.

And still. . . I rise. Still, I want and feel and ask and risk and take up space.

I must.

Us Too Much Women have been facing extermination for centuries—we are so afraid of her, terrified of her big presence, of the way she commands respect and wields the truth of her feelings. We’ve been trying to stifle the Too Much Woman for ions—in our sisters, in our wives, in our daughters. And even now, even today, we shame the Too Much Woman for her bigness, for her wanting, for her passionate nature.

And still. . . she thrives.

In my own world and before my very eyes, I am witnessing the reclamation and rising up of the Too Much Woman. That Too Much Woman is also known to some as Wild Woman or the Divine Feminine. In any case, she is me, she is you, and she is loving that she’s finally, finally getting some airtime.

If you’ve ever been called “too much,” or “overly emotional,” or “bitchy,” or “stuck up,” you are likely a Too Much Woman.

And if you are. . . I implore you to embrace all that you are—all of your depth, all of your vastness; to not hold yourself in, and to never abandon yourself, your bigness, your radiance.

Forget everything you’ve heard—your too much-ness is a gift; oh yes, one that can heal, incite, liberate, and cut straight to the heart of things.

Do not be afraid of this gift, and let no one shy you away from it. Your too much-ness is magic, is medicine. It can change the world.

So please, Too Much Woman: Ask. Seek. Desire. Expand. Move. Feel. Be.

Make your waves, fan your flames, give us chills.

Please, rise.

We need you.”

~ Ev'Yan Whitney

www.evyanwhitney.com

Art by Yulia Ustinova

www.facebook.com/yulia.ustinova.3

[angelplummie]

Okay so like for starterssssss, I love getting represented as a chubby gal 🥺🥺 so I love you for writing that last Oikawa imagineeeee 😩😩😩

Soooo, I was wondering if I could request a plus size reader that really likes Kuroo, (and he’s like a super cliché bad boy🤰🏽) but he’s too embarrassed to be seen with Y/n. So she starts to hit on his friend or try to make him jealous. (I want you to add your own little idea here! But likeee, make her a baddie 😘😘)

Thanks baby 😚

HE’S A SCUMBAG DON’T YOU KNOW

KUROO X CHUBBY F!READER

Angsty?? kinda, a pinch of suggestive stuff

masterlist

post girlboss was referring to

a/n:i decided to go for emo / anger issues / definitely has punched a hole in his wall kuroo, just cuz i love writing losers, and i love seeing grown men cry. reader is like 20/21 just like college age yk, kuroo is 23 as stated in fic. p.s where my artic monkey hoes at

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex n specific sexual acts, suggestive stuff, uhhh bad boy but he’s not a (bad boy) he’s just a (bad) (boy) he’s just no good, like no fr never date guys like this, he may SEEM COOL and give you the dick but girl you will be so embarrassed once u realised u gave up the kitty for a man that genuinely believes tame impala and mac demarco are unheard of and calls himself an empath even though he’s mean to his mum every time she comes over to help with the laundry and has manipulated every girl he’s ever been in the vicinity of but i digress! on with the story!

“Kuroo-!” you yelped in surprised, bed bouncing beneath you. The second he had thrown you down, he ripped off his shirt and made a noise of frustration when he couldn’t shed his skinny jeans fast enough. Brows furrowed, he began hopping furiously to yank them off.

You laughed, much to his annoyance.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep up with that. What’s the rush?”

He sighed, and carefully pulled them off his ankles. Standing up straight, he seemed to have composed himself, with that cocky smirk on his rugged face. Your eyes trailed down his lean, long body. It was all you could do not to scream, he was so gorgeous. He took a few sweeping steps to where you lay, and got right on top of you, hands either side of your head. His eyes bore into you, it made you squirm internally, not that you would ever admit it.

“Just want you so bad, kitten.”

You barked out a laugh as if your heart didn’t jolt at his stupid pet name. It was such a stupid name, but coming from him it made you melt. Again, not like you’d ever admit it.

“Ew, Tetsu don’t call me kitten, it’s cr-“

He cut you off by leaning down and kissing you, you could feel his snake bites against your bottom lip. He groaned softly, shoving his tongue down your throat. He tasted like his sour apple vape, and his hair was soft when you ran your fingers through it. You could barely contain your butterflies, eyes squeezed closed.

“Come on babe, you know you like it.”

No matter how many times you and Kuroo hung out, it always felt so fresh. Maybe it was because he was exciting, or because he was a little bit wild, you didn’t know.

He leaned down closer to you, getting on his elbows, deepening the kiss. He pulled away and smirked at your breathlessness. With a slender, ring adorned hand, he reached beneath your top and cupped your tits over your bra. He gave them a sharp squeeze and started placing chaste kisses on your neck. He was considerate like that, didn’t leave hickeys because he knew they’d be hard to cover for you. He groaned as he jiggled the fat of your boobs in his hands,

“God, you have the nicest tits, babe.”

You had been dating for nearly 3 months now, if that was what it was. To be honest, you weren’t really sure what you were. You hang out all the time at his or your place, there was rarely a time when you didn’t have an ache between your legs, one way or another. He didn’t really take you on ‘dates’ but chatting to him was fun in itself, you didn’t need to go out to do that. He didn’t necessarily say romantic stuff either... but he didn’t not say romantic stuff either? He beat up your ex at a party one time! That had to mean something right? He exactly wouldn’t tell you how he felt but he showed you, kissing your cheek or tilting your chin up to look at him or kissing your neck or feeling you up. But that usually led to sex, so you couldn’t be certain. It wasn’t like you only screwed though, you watched your favourite movies together... although the last couple times he just started fingering you. You showed him your playlists? No no, he showed you his playlists, his sex playlists. There seemed to be a common theme here. But... there were times, afterwards, when he would pull in you so tight, tell you how good you were for him, how well you did, how pretty you looked. Any doubts you had were gone after a few hushed words on his tobacco reeking rickety old bed. You’d never really had a relationship like this before, but you assumed it was just because Kuroo was so chill. You were probably boyfriend and girlfriend, he just didn’t feel the need to announce it, he was laidback like that. So what if you guys had a lot of sex? Weren’t you a new couple? Wasn’t this just the honeymoon stage were you can’t get your hands off each other? You didn’t want to seem high maintenance and nag, so you let it be. He was sweet enough to you, right now everything was good.

Until it wasn’t.

A clatter sounded downstairs, the door slamming open against the hallway wall.

“Kuroo! Hey man, I brought some California!”, a voice called from bellow.

Kuroo broke away immediately, spit trailing from your neck to his pink lips.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” Kuroo mumbled, pushing off the bed and scrambling the pick up his discarded clothes and shove them back on.

You sat up, disgruntled, rearranging your bra strap from were he’d kneaded at it.

“What’s wrong? Who is that?”

He shot you a glance before continuing to yank back on his jeans.

“Uh, so change of plan, I can’t do tonight. I need you to go home. Discreetly.”

What?

“What? Tetsu, I’m already here,” you scoffed.

What was going on?

Why was he acting like this?

You had never seen him so... frantic.

“I know babe, and I’m really sorry about that, but my friends are here early than I said.”

“So? Can’t I meet your friends?”

He didn’t reply for a moment, just let out an exasperated breath, zipping up his fly.

“Well, yeah you can meet them, just not with me. I don’t want them knowing that I-“

He cut himself off, but you had heard enough to understand.

There was a beat of silence, only disturbed by Kuroo’s friends calling for him.

Your mouth hung open, and you scoffed in shock.

You shouldn’t be surprised really. It’s so obvious now that you think about it. So that’s what this was. That explains everything. He didn’t really like you, he was just using you. That’s why he didn’t take you anywhere, or why he didn’t show you he cared. It was because he didn’t. He wasn’t “afraid of getting close to people” or “emotionally distant”, he was just upfront about not giving two shits about you aside from your vagina. I guess he didn’t want his friends to know he was furiously screwing a fat girl any chance he got. He was embarrassed of you. You were something to be ashamed of. Your stomach jerked as you got to your feet. You were pissed, but that didn’t mean it didn’t really hurt. You had liked him. A lot.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

You could see the panic in his eyes, it was quite funny actually. Of course you new what it meant, but it still made you feel a little better to watch his eyes widen like that, to hold a shred of power over him.

“I mean- well I didn’t- come on babe you know I didn’t mean it like that-“ he laughed nervously, not noticing the footsteps in the landing. You rolled your eyes. You may have been naive, but you certainly weren’t going to fall for his shit again. Whatever he spouted.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. Just say it, your embarrassed of me.”

“Y/N, please, don’t you think-“

Two men burst through the door, one with spiked grey hair and one with fluffy black hair.

“Kuroo! What the hell are you doing up here we’ve been-“ the grey haired one, stopped when his eyes went from a shirtless Kuroo to you.

Your eyes flickered to Kuroo, he looked mortified.

“Ah. I see. Well, Akaashi, we better give these two some time, we can just-“

“Oh no, I was just leaving,” you grabbed your jacket from on top of his chest of drawers and turned back to the two men, putting on a big smile, adrenaline and fury spurring you on.

“I’m Y/N, by the way.”

Your eyes shot to Kuroo, who looking like get was about to shit himself.

“You probably haven’t heard of me, me and Kuroo have actually been having sex for three months. He kept it a secret because he’s embarrassed of me. We should hang out soon though!”

“Y/N-!” Kuroo yelled, exasperation clear in his tone, but you were already descending the stairs.

He came into the hall, hands rubbing his temples.

“Y/N just come talk for a second, I can-“

But he was cut off by the door slamming.

You got in your car parked outside and sped away.

The whir of the engine and the monotony of the roads cleared your mind a bit, a mist of anger still remaining.

You can’t believe you let yourself be tricked. you were a fully grown woman, but you had been reeled in hook, line and sinker. Not only had you been reeled in, you have been reeled in by a man that still had tik tok LED lights in his room and a fucking monster can collection at the age of 24 fucking years old. The more you thought about him, the more you realised how much of an emo loser he was. Of course you were still hurting, but it was more of the angry hurt you feel when it turns out your crush is homophobic or something (been there done that, don’t ask). He was a waste of oxygen, you had decided by the time you made it back to your apartment. A waste of perfectly good space that could most definitely not get the kitty anymore. You got inside your house, pulled on some comfies and got on facetime with your friends.You told them all about what happened, and they passionately bitched about him with you, confirming your suspicion that they never liked him in the first place. They also told you to forget about his existence, he wasn’t worth a slither of your brain power, he was dirt compared to you. All in all, you felt marginally better, saying goodbye to your friends while they still giggled about how stupid Kuroo’s hair was.

This was just a speed bump, you thought as you tucked yourself into bed, you would get over this.

Fast.

“Who’s Bokuto been talking to all night?” Yamamoto leaned over to ask Lev, shouting over the blaring music.

It was a week after you had thrown Kuroo to the curb, and he was out with a couple of volleyball friends, some from Nekoma, but there was also Bokuto with them.

“I’m not sure. I think it’s Y/N something? She’s in class. She’s pretty chill.”

Kuroo’s ears perked up, and he turned around to face his friends up against the bar.

“Bokuto’s talking to who?” he said through gritted teeth.

“Y/N. She goes to my-“

“I know who Y/N is,” kuroo snapped, taking a swig of the beer in his hand and scanning the dance floor for either one of you. He found bokuto first, shoulder against the wall, holding a drink as he leant down to have you whisper something in his ear. That’s when Kuroo paid attention to you. You looked... you looked gorgeous. He felt jealousy creep up inside him. How many times had you been out looking like that since you broke things off? How many guys had you slept with since? How dare Bokuto chat you up when he knew you two had been a thing? Wasn’t he meant to be Kuroo’s friend? As Kuroo wound himself up, you and bokuto continued your extremely pleasant conversation.

“I just wanna say, sorry about Kuroo. He’s a real bonehead, but we’ve been friends since high school so I can’t ditch him.”

You snorted into your cocktail.

“What?”

“Bonehead?”

He frowned and straightened up indignantly.

“Yeah, and? What’s wrong with bonehead?”

“No no, nothing, it’s just very Legally Blonde.”

He beamed down at you.

“I love Legally Blonde!”

“You do? Me too!”

This big beefy man was very cute, you had been talking for nearly three hours now, but you never ran out of things to say. And, aside from the obligatory introduction compliments, he had not made any move to try and get you into a wendy’s bathroom as quick as possible, which you couldn’t say of yours and kuroo’s first meeting.

He had dreamy eyes, you noted as he smiled for the nth time that night.

“Whose your favourite-?”

“What the fuck are you doing man?”

You glanced scathingly over to the familiar face of your old fling.

“What?” Bokuto asked back, clearly done with his friends bad boy shtick.

“Why are you talking to her when... when you know?”

“What’s there to know? I’m talking to her because I want to, and she wants to.”

He looked over to you for approval.

“Right?”

You nodded, a little nervous. You hated Kuroo’s guts, but you knew how weirdly possessive he was, you didn’t wanna cause trouble for Bokuto.

“See? Now I don’t think she wants to see you, right?”

He looked at you again. You nodded again.

“Ok? You guys are over, now are we done?”

Kuroo huffed. His eyes flitted from Bokuto to you, remembering you were there most likely, and he scowled.

“No, we aren’t done, what are you trying to pull anyway? Trying to piss me off by talking to someone I know? Are you really that petty? Well, your little plan is working, so just-just stop, ok?”

You felt like screaming. You had just come out here to have a nice time, not listen to Kuroo’s narcissistic whining.

“Can you just fuck off? Was I not clear enough or something? You’re dead to me, Kuroo. I’m just trying to have a nice night.”

Kuroo’s mouth gaped open. He had never been spoken to like that, never. He clenched his fists at his sides and his glare intensified.

“You’re lucky I gave you the time of day, fat ugly slut.”

He grabbed Bokuto’s shoulder roughly, turning him to face him completely.

“Hey man, thanks for clearing up my sloppy seconds, really good of you. Good to know I’ve got great friends like you.”

Those were the last things out of Kuroo’s mouth before bokuto landed a punch on his cheek, knocking him to the ground.

“You’re a fucking asshole man,” Bokuto grunted.

He stepped over where Kuroo lay, and held out a hand for you to step over too. You took it quietly and trailed along behind him to the door, fingers still locked. His hands were warm, and big. Kuroo’s face must hurt right now. The thought made you smile. He held the door open for you before sighing, resting his back against the wall. You stood in front of him, twiddling with your fingers.

“I am so sorry about that,” You apologised, embarrassed and shaken by the scene Kuroo had made, “I shouldn’t have wound him up, and I shouldn’t have talked to you after I knew you guys were friends, I promise I didn’t mean to start anything.”

“Don’t be, if anything I’m sorry for not making him leave right away. And either way,” he gently reached for your hand again, and you let him take it,”I’m glad you talked to me. I’d like it if you talked to me even more.”

DISCLAIMER FOR KUROO STANS!!!! I DONT THINK HIS HAIR IS STUPID!!! it’s just when ur bestie is going thru a break up or anything entailing a male you shit talk everything about him to high hell, doesn’t matter if he’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. also i have no ill will towards kuroo nor any of the characters i write shit bag fan fics about i just like to complain any way i hope you enjoyed! reblogs and replies always appreciated!!!

[cheneyq]

Walk Away - Billy Hargrove × Plus size reader

Guys this could have a part two if you wanted it.

Short description - Reader has been dating Billy and he asks her to keep it a secret, his friends embarrass her at a party and they end up breaking up.

Pairing – Billy Hargrove x Plus Size Fem reader

Warnings – Swearing, Angst (or at least I tried), bullying, fatshaming, name calling – it’s just a mess.

Au Note – This is the first time in a while posting something on here, feedback would be great.

I do requests – My requests are open for all characters on Stranger Things and some Marvel characters.

Word count – uh, no idea to be honest?

Please enjoy and sorry if this is shite, literally wrote it in an hour and decided to post it, have been feeling all down in the dumps. Again, sorry if its terrible.

--

“(y/n), are you sure we were invited?” Sandy, my best friend asks. “And not just invited so they can make fun of us?” She added, nervously chewing on her bottom lip. I took a deep breath, looking at the house across the street to where Billy invited me, my Billy, my secret boyfriend for the past few months, Billy. ‘King of the school’, Billy.

 “Billy gave me this address and a time-" Sandy cut me off, scoffing. “That asshole has been nothing but terrible to you since you started being lab partners.” Did I mention that she doesn’t know we’re dating? “And then he leaves this piece of paper in your locker, why? Because he wants to hang out? I think not, it’s a bad idea, I think we should go.”

Her words get to me, and not being able to tell her we’ve been dating for weeks now is a big deal, but I dont think he would invite me and then do something bad, would he?

 “Okay, how about you wait in the car and I’ll go in quickly and be back out in like twenty minutes?” I try to negotiate with her, she’s thinking about it. “fine, but if you’re not out in twenty minutes or less I’m coming to get you.” I nod, watching as she walks back to the car. “Twenty minutes.” She yells after me.

 I try to smile, to be amused by her but my nerves are getting to me. I adjust my sweater and pull it tight around my stomach, a terrible habit I needed to get rid of. “You can do this.” I try to give myself a pep talk but I’m failing, still, I manage to move my feet and before I know it I’m inside, pushing through people to get to the middle of the house, searching for those blonde locks.

 I see him in the kitchen, talking to Meghan, a super skinny cheerleader in my maths class. She’s sitting on the counter in the kitchen with her legs wrapped around Billy's waist. I feel the jealousy burn through my body, followed along with a terrible hurt feeling.

 Before I could process the fact that he’s leaning into her, talking directly in her ear with his hand landing on her hip, a pair of hands clamp around my shoulders.

 “I fucking knew it!” Tommy H yells over my shoulder, pushing me towards the kitchen. “Carol, you owe me ten bucks.” I see Carol turn and we make eye contact while Tommy is still pushing me forward. Billy turns his attention away from Meghan and as soon as he sees me he steps away from her, sporting a very confused look on his face. A few of their other friends join us in the kitchen when Tommy shoves me a bit hard and I need to catch myself on the counter.

 I feel unshed tears burning my eyes as I take in what’s happening. “See, I told you this fat loser is like, in love with Billy.” Carol says, turning to Meghan who scrunched up her nose while looking at me. “Disgusting.” She spits and everyone starts laughing, and to my surprise, so does Billy, but it somehow doesn’t reach his eyes.

 “I should go.” I mumble, trying to turn to leave. “Already? But you just got here.” Tommy says, slinging his arm over my shoulder, hand grabbing so hard he’s probably going to leave a bruise. I try to pull away, “Come on man, you’re hurting her.” Another friend says who I recognize as Adam, a nicer one of the people surrounding me.

 I see Billy’s eyes flash to my shoulder and then at Tommy’s face, he looks like he wants to say something, “Yeah man, just let her go, she’s not worth our time.” He mumbles, turning to get another drink.

 “No, Tommy is right, she just got here. Please, have a drink.” Meghan says, stepping forward and throwing her drink in my face. I gasp, stepping back and trying to clear my eyes. I feel her hands on my shoulders and then she pushes me, I fall back, landing straight on my back and hitting my head.

 “Enough!” Billy’s voice booms through the kitchen. I open my eyes, staring up at the ceiling, seeing stars. My head hurts and I try to focus when hands grab at my shoulders to try to help me sit up. “We’re just joking around.” Meghan says, stunned by his outburst. I see Billy look down at me, sitting up on the floor staring at him, waiting for him to stand up for me, to help me up and hopefully take me home. But all he does is smile, “Yeah, but we wouldn’t want to kill her or injure her badly, her uncle is the sherriff, remember?”

 Whispers break out and I let the tears go, streaming down my face as I stare at someone I thought I could love, someone I thought I understood, someone I was willing to be kept a secret for because I believed his stupid excuse of not wanting a girlfriend right now because of the terrible stuff that’s happening with his dad.

 “What the fuck are you staring at? Get up and get the fuck out, I’m sick of seeing your face.” His eyes are pleading with me, begging me to take the chance and run. I sob at his terrible words, I can’t help it. A hand reaches out for me to help me stand and I look up into the eyes of Steve, Harrington, the former ‘king of the school’ with Nancy by his side.

 “Let me help you up.” His voice is soft and people are watching, waiting for my response. I look up at Billy again and I think I’m going to hate the color of his eyes for the rest of my life. He’s waiting for me as well, waiting to see what I’m going to do.

 I reach out and take Steve’s hand, cringing when I pull my shirt away from my chest. “Is your head okay?” Nancy asks, stepping closer. I flinch at her hand reaching for my head, “I’m fine.” I croak out and turn to leave, walking out the front door.

--

“You guys are a bunch of fucking assholes!” Steve yells at his friends, Billy turns and takes the two shots of clear vodka he poured into the shot glasses for Meghan and himself before he slips out the back door while his ‘friends' are fighting inside.

 He feels his heart hammering inside his chest while he runs around the house, seeing your figure walking away from the house he actually feels his heart break at the way you looked at him, the sob that left your mouth, the sound your head made when it made contact with the floor beneath you.

 He knows he’s a dick, a terrible person if you must, keeping you hidden away, all to himself. But he swears he’s only doing it to protect you, there’s only a few months of high school left and then he can take you away from here, to a new state, a new city. Take you away from the horrible people here, people he somehow became friends with.

 He’s protecting you.

 --

 “(y/n), wait, shit, baby are you okay?” Billy stops me, standing in front of me, but I can’t get myself to look into his eyes, maybe if I walked faster I could’ve made it to the car without him getting to me first, but I didn’t expect him to come to me in the first place.

 He reaches for me, hand lifting my head up to look at him. His worried expression amuses me. I slowly reach up and take his wrist, pulling him away from me.

 “You should go, your friends are waiting.” I don’t have it in me, not one mean bone, not any feeling that I need to hurt him back.

 His frown is deep, “Baby, what the hell are you doing here?” he’s bending forward so he can look me in the eyes. My head hurts, I’m soaking wet and all I want to do is leave.

 “You asked me to be here.” He’s shaking his head, “When? I never asked you to come here.” I can’t get the picture of Meghans legs wrapped around him out of my head. “Are you fucking her?” I blurt out, stepping away from him. “Who?” he asks, trying to reach for me again, but my delayed anger is kicking in.

 I feel my cheeks blush as I think back to everything that happened. “Meghan, are you fucking her?” he doesn’t answer straight away and I feel another sob break through me.

 “You know what, you ruined my fucking life here! Yeah, I’ve always been fat and a loser but at least everyone left me the fuck alone, until you came around, until you started showing interest in me! I never wanted to be with you, you’re a fucking asshole and you made me fall in love with you, now I have all these feelings towards you that I don’t want to feel because I literally never want to see you again.” I’m out of breath by the end of it.

 His eyes are glistening while he stares down at me, my chest is heaving and my clothes still sticking to me.

 “You love me?” he’s frowning.

 “Yes, unfortunately I fucking love you, you made me care for you and then you treat me like shit in front of your friends, watch them abuse me me and torture me and make fun of me while doing nothing!” I’m yelling at him. Then a car door slams and I hear feet running up to us.

 “(Y/n), oh my god what happened?” Sandy’s voice is loud and I jump at the sudden intrusion. “What the fuck did you do to her?” she’s yelling at Billy now. “It wasn’t him, it was his fucked up friends.”

 “He just stood there and watched.” I mumble, looking at him as his face falls and something stirs in my chest seeing him turn emotional.

 I take my car keys from Sandy and turn to leave,

 “I won’t ever be good enough.” He says and I stop, causing Sandy to stop next to me, silencing her ramblings I didn’t ever hear. “You’re too good for me, I’ve said this over and over. I keep this private and I keep this between us because I don’t want people ruining that, like they did tonight.”

 I turn and walk up to him, “They didn’t ruin this, you did.” I say, poking his chest.

 “I love you too.”

 His eyes are so sincere that I get lost in them for a moment, not missing the exaggerated gasp leaving my friends mouth after his confession. I shake my head, “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to treat me like shit, turn around, say you love me and expect things to be okay.”

 “You don’t get to hurt me anymore.”

 “No!” his voice is loud, “you don’t get to tell me you love me and then walk away from me, from us. You don’t get to let me think I have a person who cares and then walk away from me, I need you.” He’s begging me now.

 “I do get to love you, and I also do get to walk away from something that’s hurting me.” I let him take my hand, “You’re hurting me, Billy. You’re keeping me a secret because you’re ashamed of me, that’s not fair because I would never in my life do that to you, or another person.” I reach for his face, “I would never want you to feel the way I did in there because I love you, but I don’t ever want to feel that again so I think it’s my turn to walk away, pretend nothing happened and walk away.”

 I move to leave but he pulls me back, “How can you say that!? How can you walk away from someone you love.” He’s pushing my hair behind my ear, searching my face for an answer.

 “How can I not walk away? Because if you loved me you wouldn’t be ashamed to tell people that you’re with me, you wouldn’t let them treat me like that, you wouldn’t sleep with other people. It’s time I take care of myself.” I pull my hand out of his.

 “I’ll go in there right now and tell everyone that you’re my girl, that I love you and I want to marry you someday.” He’s begging again, and I can’t help the way my breath hitches when he mentions he wants to marry me, at the way he calls me his girl.

 I step forward and kiss his cheek one last time, I don’t know if it’s my tears or his I taste on my lips.

 “Its too late for that. Goodbye Billy.”

 He’s grabbing my hands and trying to pull me back but I get my hand free, “(y/n) wait! Please, please don’t leave me, (y/n) I’m sorry! I’m a fucking idiot and a coward and I’m so fucking sorry! (Y/n) I love you please, please don’t do this.”

 I’m ignoring him as I close my door and lock it, starting the car, he’s banging on the window as I pull away, surprised and relieved that I didn’t run him over in the process.

 “I know you probably don’t want to talk right now, but .... what the fuck just happened! Why are you wet! What is going on!” Sandy yells.

 “I just broke up with my boyfriend.”

 “What!”

[frogtanii]

these transcripts are protected by doctor-client privilege and hippa laws and should only be accessed by the verified person(s). please call xxx-xxxx if you are in fear of those laws being violated.

————————————————————————

[dr otsuaka]: hello, [redacted]! it’s so great to hear from you again! last we met, things were on track with your recovery — has that changed at all?

[patient 86]: clears throat um, not really. things are weird, that’s all.

[dr o]: weird how?

[86]: ...

[dr o]: does this have something to do with your roommate, [redacted]?

[86]: nods

[dr o]: does this also deal with you working through your feelings for her?

[86]: she... she doesn’t like me like that. i’m not like... like [redacted].

[dr o]: now, what did we say about negative self talk and comparisons to others?

[86]: ...not to do it.

[dr o]: i know it isn’t easy but you are not [redacted] or [redacted] for a reason. you are you and that doesn’t make you less than! it just makes you different.

[86]: smiles ... she said something like that to me once.

[dr o]: she sounds like a smart girl. you should listen to her.

[86]: ...yeah.

————————————————————————

[patient 12]: —and then she just, punches the air, wham! and it was so intense and i’m pretty sure i’ve never been more turned on in my life because, god doc you should’ve seen her. i know you’re like 50 and gay but.. damn.

[doctor fujiwara]: laughs you are quite the character [redacted].

[12]: i try.

[dr f]: well, it seems as though this girl has become quite the fixture in your life.

[12]: i mean.. yeah. she saved me.

[dr f]: hm... don’t you think you are.. idolizing her a bit? placing her on an unattainable pedestal which sets her up for failure in your eyes? you’ve placed quite a bit of weight on [redacted].

[12]: ... no, no she’s helped me through so much but i don’t, she’s not my idol or anything.

[dr f]: are you sure? you place much of the credit for your recovery on her. is that fair to her, to feel entirely responsible for your health and well-being?

[12]: ...

[dr f]: just think about it, hm? now, tell me again about this ferret you were thinking of purchasing?

————————————————————————

[dr otsuaka]: ... and how did that make you feel?

[patient 88]: ... you couldn’t sound more cliche if you tried.

[dr o]: laughs nothing gets quite past you [redacted].

[88]: you say that as though it is a bad thing.

[dr o]: trust me it isn’t. but on that note, tell me some things you’ve observed this week.

[88]: ...she isn’t eating as much. i think the stress is getting to her.

[dr o]: is it not getting to you as well?

[88]: ...it isn’t about me.

[dr o]: this is your therapy session [redacted], it quite literally is about you. ...have you been neglecting yourself in favor of taking care of her?

[88]: we’re drifting and i do not want to lose her. she has [redacted] and it doesn’t seem like... like she has use of me anymore.

[dr o]: [redacted]... you are not an object to be used. no one can decide if you are “of use” or not — you need to take care of yourself so that when you are up to it, when you are healed and ready, you can take care of the others around you. she is a grown woman and as much as you care for her, she can take care of herself. it is time for you to focus on you.

[88]: ... i don’t know how to do that.

[dr o]: smiles well, that is what i’m here for.

————————————————————————

[dr barnes]: ah welcome, [redacted]! it’s so great to meet you! dr otsuaka speaks of you highly!

[patient 4]: wow! you’re so big! your biceps are as big as my head!!

[dr b]: laughs i do enjoy my time at the gym! please sit, sit!

[4]: thank you for seeing me dr barnes!

[dr b]: no, it’s really my pleasure! when dr otsuaka needed to clear out her client list, i leaped at the opportunity to take some of you on.

[4]: yeah, she told me something like that. i’m just happy i still have a therapist! it would really suck if all my progress went out the window.

[dr b]: oh yes, i have some of your charts here... shuffles papers looks like you suffer from... separation anxiety and ptsd?

[4]: yep, but it hasn’t gotten me down yet!

[dr b]: that’s great [redacted]. i’m looking forward to seeing the progress we can make with one another!

[4]: aw, thanks dr b! you’re so cool!

[dr b]: that’s all you bud, all you. so, what do you think of starting from the beginning?

[4]: well, it all started when my mom met my dad and they fell in love and had se—

————————————————————————

[dr yamada]: wow, hi [redacted]! it’s been so long since we’ve last spoken. high school, was it?

[patient 7]: um, yeah.

[dr y]: so, what brings you back here to see me? do you need a refill on your meds?

[7]: ...maybe.

[dr y]: [redacted]... are you alright?

[7]: bursts into tears no.. oh god no..

[dr y]: that bad, huh?

[7]: yeah.. yeah, it’s that bad.

[dr y]: is it [redacted]?

[7]: sniffles oh, no not him. actually, his girlfriend? she’s back.

[dr y]: oh god..

[7]: yeah.. laughs dryly

[dr y]: well, it’s a good thing you’re here then. do you remember your affirmations?

[7]: how could i forget? i am loved—

[dr y]: in unison —i am deserving of love—

[7]: —and i will love in return. wow, it’s been a minute.

[dr y]: and still, it stuck. yet another example of my incredible teachings.

[7]: just as insufferable as always, dr yamada.

[dr y]: and just as guarded as usual, [redacted]. am i going to have to pry the information out of you this time around?

[7]: nah... i think... i think i really need to talk about it.

[dr y]: good. i am here to listen.

℗ poker face

intermission

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - kekeke a new funky short filler chapter comin up for y’all!!! i’ve done therapy transcripts once before so i kinda wanted to try again??? provide a splash of insight for the hotties who r going to therapy in pf!! and even tho i think i made it kinda obvious, i wanna see y’all guess whomst is whom!!! also this is considerably lower quality than i intended KSJ but we will get back to our regularly scheduled (read: better) writing tomorrow KEJEK anyways fat thanks to my wife ghostie (who i cant tag rip) for helping me out!!! don’t forget to feed me!!! <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @syndellwins • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saikishairclip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida �� @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[foreverindreamlandd]

To Be Wanted - Part 5: Oh What a Night

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Plus Size!Reader

Summary: All your life you have wanted to be loved by someone. But when you don’t look like most “beautiful” women, you learn to stop wanting. You’d never expect someone like the amazing, kind, beautiful Bucky Barnes would desire someone like you.

WC: 3.7k

A/N: ........I’m sorry

Series Masterlist / Series Playlist

-------

Text Message: Eli and Y/n

E:This is really fucked up, Y/n

Why won’t you talk to me? After everything we’ve been through?

You’re just gonna drop me like this?

At least show me some respect and fucking answer one message.

--------

“Ugh, I can’t wear this shirt. It shows off my stomach and I feel so fat.” Krissie pokes at her rock-hard abs peering through the white sequined crop top. 

“Kris, you look amazing,” you reply, trying not to throttle her. “I literally do not know what you’re talking about.” You glance over at yourself in the full-length mirror in Krissie’s room and quickly look away, trying not to focus on how you look. 

You had spent the rest of Thursday night and Friday afternoon digging through your closet to find the perfect outfit. Usually finding something to wear for a night out was already a miserable experience, but knowing that Bucky would be there, you felt even more anxious about looking as good as you could.

So, you pulled out the big guns and went for your best outfit. The one you only wore for the most special occasions. 

Like, for instance, to try and impress a drop-dead gorgeous super soldier. 

It’s a royal blue jumpsuit made out of crushed velvet. The top has short sleeves and a neckline that makes it look like you actually have cleavage (bless), and the bottom-half billows down at the calf, giving it the illusion of being a dress while also preventing chafing (again, bless). The mid-section is the part you were always most self-conscious about because it’s tight enough to show everyone what you have going on in that area, but also keeps everything held together in a way that doesn’t make you look pregnant like some other outfits did. You paired it with sparkly wedge-heels and simple jewelry, rocking some winged-eyeliner and a deep berry-red lipstick.

Wearing this outfit, you look good. You feel good.

But still, nothing can compete with your beautiful, petite, blonde best friend, who could wear a trash bag and still look amazing. 

Everything about you is amazing. Bucky’s words from last night interrupt your regularly scheduled programming of internal self-loathing, and you smile to yourself.

There’s still a part of you that believes you had dreamt everything that had happened the night before. Bucky’s arms around you, telling you that he likes spending time with you, even after seeing all of the quirky, nerdy sides of you. And the way that he looked at you, like you were something to be treasured. Stephanie had been right, there’s something between the two of you that feels undeniably magnetic. 

Is there a chance that things with Bucky are different? That he feels things stronger than friendship? You had tried your best to ignore those feelings yourself, but there’s no ignoring it now. You’ve fallen for Bucky big time, but if he only wants to be friends you would be okay with it, even though you want something more. So much more, and a rejection from him was going to be difficult to brush past. But he’s a genuinely good person and you aren’t going to throw your friendship away just because he, like everyone else, doesn’t see you that way.

You would work through it, because he’s worth it.

“How about this dress? Is it too much?” Krissie steps out of her closet in a gorgeous hot-pink bodycon sleeveless dress and nude heels. She looks like a real-life Barbie Doll.

“No,” you respond smiling, “You look freaking stunning, girl. I think we have a winner.”

Krissie looks at herself in the mirror and nods, smiling back at you. “I think you’re right.”

Krissie’s phone buzzes on her bed and she walks over to look at it. “Oh, shit,” she says, “That’s Elena. Her and Chris are heading to the subway now so we better get going. Are you ready?”

You look at yourself one last time in the mirror and force a smile. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Y/n, you look totally gorgeous!” Krissie says, standing next to you and resting her head on your shoulder. She opens up the camera on her phone and holds it in front of the two of you. “Let’s take some selfies super quickly and then head out.” You smile at the camera as she snaps a few photos. You hope they don’t look too bad and that your eyes are open.

You pull out your phone and shoot a quick text to Bucky.

Hey! We are heading to the subway and should get to Astro’s in like 20. See you then!

Text bubbles pop up immediately and Bucky responds.

See you soon :)

“Um, what is that smile all about?” Krissie asks.

You jump and look at her, instinctively turning the screen away from her. “Nothing! I invited a friend to join us so I was just texting him to let him know we were leaving.”

“Him? It’s a guy?!”

“A friend, Krissie. We met the other day and he’s….relatively new to the area and is looking to make more friends. I figured it would be nice to invite him out tonight. Hope that’s okay!”

“Is he cute?”

Your heart stops, and you force a smile. “He’s okay.” You love Krissie very much, but the memory of her spilling all the dirty details of her hookup with Eli and the pain that caused you makes you nervous to give any information on Bucky. And how ridiculously cute he is. Too cute to be attracted to someone like you. But Krissie? Krissie’s definitely more in Bucky’s wheelhouse.

“Well, I guess I’ll be the judge of that when I see him,” she winks at you and your stomach drops to the floor. “I hope his favorite color is pink.” 

You laugh weakly. “Shall we get going?”

Krissie grabs her clutch and the two of you head to the subway. There, you find Elena and her boyfriend, Chris. At the next stop, your other friends, Nick, Olivia, and Shelby hop on and you all hug and greet one another. 

Finally, you get off the subway and head down the five blocks to Astro’s. It’s a club that was the group’s favorite spot to hit up when you were in college. Cheap drinks, fun flashy lights, decent music and a cramped dancefloor that made it so that everyone was dancing on top of one another. You always went to be a good sport and sometimes had fun when it was a girl’s night out and no boys, but on nights when the girls were looking for a hookup, you ended up abandoned at the bar while they danced with their chosen partners for the evening.

This is probably the most excited you’ve been to go to Astro’s, and the reason for that is standing just ahead of you.

Bucky Barnes is currently looking down at his phone which gives you a moment to openly gape at how freaking good he looks. He’s wearing a black-long sleeve shirt that is just slightly too tight and shows off every muscle on his ripped body. You steal a glance at his butt which looks excellent in his black skinny jeans. Your brain’s having a hard time processing how incredible someone can look in what would be considered a very simple outfit. But nothing about Bucky is simple. Everything about him is, well, incredible. 

His left hand is buried in his pocket, and you wonder if he’s wearing his glove or not. 

“Who is that?” Krissie says to you, eyebrows raised and you wince. Here we go, you think.

Clearly Krissie isn’t quiet enough when she says that because Bucky immediately looks up in your direction and his eyes find you.

No one else would be able to notice it, but you catch Bucky’s mouth falling open ever so slightly.

Wow, Bucky thinks to himself.

In fact, it’s the only thing he can think for a moment looking at you. How can it not? 

You look absolutely and overwhelmingly beautiful. 

That shade of blue against your skin is breathtaking. The way it shapes your body is a whole other thing that gets Bucky to think of other things that makes his face feel warm. He wants to feel that velvet, feel you.

But the part of you that Bucky finds himself most drawn to are your lips. How amazing they look in that color. How perfect they look when you smile upon seeing him.

He finds himself wondering what they might taste like.

You furrow your brows at him in confusion and he realizes he has been staring in silence for a little too long. He blinks rapidly a couple of times to break himself out of the spell you put him in and smiles at you as you walk toward him.

“Hey, Buck,” you say, almost dreamily. Your eyes are glued to his.

“Hey, Y/n.”

“You look good.”

Bucky chuckles, looking you up and down. “You look,” he says softly, “....amazing.”

Your eyes widen and you blush, giving him a gentle shove to his left arm. “Bucky,” you say sheepishly.

Bucky’s smile widens. “Just being honest, doll.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met before,” a small blonde woman in a tiny pink dress walks up next to Y/n and smiles at Bucky. She extends her hand out to him. “I’m Krissie.”

Bucky catches your smile drop the tiniest bit, then takes Krissie’s hand and shakes it. “I’m Bucky,” he says.

“Bucky,” Krissie says. “Well, Bucky, I’m so glad you came out tonight for my birthday. You’re Y/n’s friend, right?”

Bucky looks back to you and only nods, unwilling to verbally accept that the two of you are just friends. “Thanks for letting me crash your plans for tonight. I appreciate it.”

“Oh, you can crash anytime,” Krissie says with a wink and you feel like your heart is about to rip open. You’ve known Krissie long enough to notice when she’s on the hunt for a new hookup, and Bucky has just become her number one target for the evening. She gives you a quick side hug and heads inside with the group. “Make sure to save me a dance, Bucky.” Bucky gives her a small smile and turns back to you.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

“You okay?” Bucky asks.

You force yourself to keep your smile plastered to your face. “Yep! Totally fine. I mean, still not jazzed about spending the night in a stuffy room with drinks that taste as cheap as they cost, but I’m sure we’ll have fun.” Your smile falls as you give Bucky a more serious look. “How are you feeling?” you ask. “Are you anxious at all about being in such a loud, crowded place?” 

The two of you have hardly spoken about Bucky’s past, but you knew some things about him being a POW and what he went through with Hydra. PTSD caused a wide variety of struggles, especially when it came to environments like this where every single stimuli was activated at once.

Bucky just shrugs. “A little,” he says. “But, to be honest, I’m always a little anxious. I actually feel slightly less so knowing that you’ll be there.”

The blush in your cheeks returns and so does your smile.

“You two coming or what?” Krissie yells at the entrance doors, waving at the two you to follow.

You sigh. “You ready?”

Bucky extends his arm out towards the entrance. “Lead the way, doll.”

You walk into the building and immediately feel the temperature rise by about 10 degrees and the place is already crowded with people, most of them getting up-close and personal on the dance floor. 

Bucky can still see everything perfectly thanks to his heightened senses, but you have to  narrow your eyes to adjust to the sudden darkness and flashing neon lights. You turn to face him and yell (the only way you can communicate in such a loud place) to ask if he wants to get a drink. He nods, and the two of you make your way to the bar.

One of the very few nice things about Astro’s is that very little has changed since you all started going there years back, including the staff. Since it’s Friday, your favorite bartender is working tonight. She gives you a big smile when she catches sight of you.

“Y/n!” She yells. “You look hot as hell, girl!”

You smile. “Thanks, Rhonda. How’s it going?”

“Oh, you know, same shit.” She raises her eyebrows over at Bucky. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is Bucky. Bucky, meet Rhonda, the only one in this place who knows how to make a decent drink.”

“Nice to meet you, ma’am,” Bucky says politely.

“Ma’am,” Rhonda cackles. “I like you, buddy.” She looks back and forth between the two of you and winks. “How about a round of shots for such excellent manners?”

You look at Bucky and raise your eyebrows. “I’m down if you are.”

“As if I could turn down a free drink,” Bucky says smiling.

Rhonda has two tequila shots in front of you before you can even turn to accept the offer and is already headed down the bar to get Krissie and your friends settled with drinks. 

Bucky pulls his left hand out of his pocket for the first time so that he can grab both drinks and hands one to you, revealing his gloveless metal hand. You smile.

“Day two of no glove, Buck? I’m loving the confidence.” 

Bucky looks at his metal hand and smiles back up at you. “Like I said, doll, you make me less anxious about a lot of things.”

Your smile widens and you raise your glass. “Cheers to that, then.”

“Cheers to you,” Bucky says back.

The shot trailing down your throat isn’t the only cause of the warmth spreading through your chest. 

You try your best not to make a face at the biting taste of tequila and fail miserably, shuddering as you squish your face in reaction to the bitterness of it. 

Bucky laughs. “You really know how to handle your alcohol, sweetheart.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “Sweetheart?” 

Bucky frowns. “Too much?”

“No,” you respond quickly. Probably too quickly. “I mean, I don’t mind.”

The smile returns on Bucky’s face. “Good.”

“Alright, lovebirds,” Rhonda says, causing both you and Bucky to share the same sheepish gaze, taking a pause from ogling at one another, “What else can I get ya?”

You order your regular, gin and tonic, and Bucky gets a beer. He pulls out a 20 and hands it to Rhonda before you can even pull out your wallet. You try to fight him on it but then he winks at you and your brain becomes mush. 

The two of you make your way over to the group, where Krissie is handing out shots to everyone. She walks over to you and Bucky and hands one to each of you. This time, Bucky does decline, saying something about how he rode his bike here and doesn’t want to go too crazy. To that, Krissie looks him dead in the eyes and shoots back his shot, not breaking eye contact as she licks the salt on her hand.

Bucky’s eyes widen and you grimace. The rest of the group cheers to Krissie, wishing her a happy birthday and takes their shots. You happily take the second shot so soon after your first, trying to quiet your brain that is currently spiraling thinking about the way Krissie was looking at Bucky.

Suddenly, your phone buzzes and you look down at it. It’s Eli, again.

Hey baby, you free tonight? I just wanna talk.

“Who’s that?” Krissie asks, trying to look at your phone. You lock your screen quickly so she can’t see anything.

You didn’t realize that Bucky had read it from the corner of his eye and was quietly panicking.

You grimace. “Eli.”

“Ohhhh Eli! How is he? You should invite him out!”

“Um, I think he’s busy tonight. Plus he and I don’t really talk much anymore.”

“Why not? You two were, like, best friends.”

You look at Bucky, who is pretending to be too busy staring ahead in the distance to care about what you and Krissie are discussing.

“Things change, Kris. Eli isn’t who I thought he was. Plus, he doesn’t need me now that he has Cassie.”

Krissie raises her eyebrows at you. “Y/n, you know he and Cassie broke up, right?”

You blink. 

You blink again.

“What?”

Krissie nods. “Yeah, I guess everything was different when she returned from The Blip. He dumped her last week. She’s devastated.

All of the blood drains from your body. Bucky thinks you look like you’re about to pass out and almost puts his hand at the small of your back to keep you steady, but refrains from doing so. 

Finally, you shake your head and laugh. “What an asshole,” you mutter so that no one can hear it. Well, other than Bucky.

“What?” Krissie asks.

“Nothing,” you say more loudly. “I’m gonna run to the bathroom.”

Krissie nods. You look to Bucky to find him gazing at you with concern in his eyes, and smile to try to ease his worry. You hand him your drink and head over to the bathroom.

First, though, you sneak to the back corner of the bar and ask Rhonda for another shot.

She gives you a look. “Bad night, babe?”

“You have no idea.”

She laughs. “Hopefully this will help. Usually it doesn’t, but I still hope it does.”

“Thanks, Rhonda.” You give her a weak smile before walking into the bathroom.

Bucky watches you leave for the bathroom for as long as he can until you disappear into a corner and he immediately becomes anxious.

Relax, Bucky, she is a grown adult who can handle herself.

Still, he doesn’t like the idea of you being alone in a place like this. Especially after seeing the way your demeanor changed once Krissie told you about this Eli guy. The same guy that had texted you last night. 

Krissie places her hand on Bucky’s arm and he flinches slightly. 

“Come on, Bucky,” she says, smiling at him in a way that makes him uncomfortable. “Let’s dance.” She pulls on his arm to lead him to the dance floor.

Bucky stands firm in his spot and looks back to where he last saw you. “Why don’t you go and I’ll wait for Y/n to get back.”

Krissie pouts. “Come onnn, Bucky,” she whines. “Y/n will be back, in like, a second. She knows this place and will be able to find us.” She grabs his hand and pulls harder. “Plus, it’s my birthday. You can’t say no to me.” She winks at him.

Bucky frowns, looking back one last time at the bathroom and then letting his body loosen up, stepping behind Krissie as she drags him over to dance.

It was a terrible mistake.

She’s on top of him in an instant, trying to grind her body on his and getting as much of her to touch as much of him as possible. Bucky keeps attempting to back away to put some distance between the two of them, but Krissie just keeps moving closer. He feels the urge to push her away with enough force for her to get the message without being rough, but he doesn’t want to be rude to your friend. He looks back over to the bathrooms, anxiously waiting for you to get back and rescue him.

The bathrooms here are as disgusting as you could imagine for a run down club such as this one. The smell is awful, every inch has been written or drawn on with marker, and each stall looks like it hasn’t been cleaned...ever.

You walk up to one of the sinks and lean your hands on either side of the porcelain, looking up and stare at yourself in the mirror just above.

You had expected yourself to feel some mixture of sadness and relief hearing the news about Eli and Cassie. Sad that her heart was broken and that they couldn't work it out. Relieved and possibly excited at the idea of Eli no longer being taken?

But no. Instead, all you feel is rage.

Rage that Eli put you through everything that he did, even though it apparently wasn’t what he wanted. That he had thrown away everything that the two of you had shared, just to be with someone he didn't actually want to be with. He had broken your heart in a million pieces just so he could break someone else’s. 

Then, once the rage subsides, you do end up surprisingly feeling a sense of relief. Relief that you got out of that situation. That Eli was the one to end it. Because if he hadn’t, you probably would have still been with him. 

Meaning he would have been here tonight instead of Bucky.

So even though the years of pain and heartache you experience after Eli left you broken were awful and at times unbearable, you were grateful that it had brought you to this moment. That it led you down a path that included Bucky.

You think back to the way he looked at you tonight outside Astro’s. You had never felt more beautiful in that moment. Eli had never looked at you like that.

Eli looked at you like you were the only girl in the room because you were the only one in the room. Bucky looked at you as if you were the only one he wanted to keeps his eyes on for the rest of his life.

Bucky wanted you.

You understand that now.

Smiling to yourself, you quickly wash your hands (because even touching just the sink in this place was disgusting), and run back out, eyes roaming the club for Bucky.

You stop short when you get to the edge of the dancefloor and your smile disappears.

Because your eyes finally land on Bucky, right as Krissie leans in to take his mouth into hers.

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Next Chapter

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!! I had to!!! My brain made me do it!! I’ll fix it I promise just be patient with me. <3

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