#like when they were sick the day we got grades for smth and had to do the same thing the week after

[studentbyday]

hi. i got sick. still recovering. i feel absolutely terrible. and not just because of my physical condition...i've let my mental health slide despite my awareness of the warning signs, and this illness is just the icing on the cake.

i need to learn to trust myself. know when to listen to myself and when to listen to others and know who to listen to bc if there's one thing i don't lack, it's outside sources of information. ground myself and focus on what is in my control so i don't feel like i'm going crazy and internalizing blame/negativity every time smth bad happens.

everything is temporary, so there is hope. we're just gonna take it day by day, focusing on the present every time and not on how much there is left to do and how many stressors i have left to manage after this one. i'm sorry if this post is kind of all over the place, i'm trying to sort things out with a foggy brain. (i'm so annoyed that i have to sleep for more than half the day to feel normal rn. oh well, at least i'm getting better.) 🤧

on a better note, i got my grade back for the philosophy assignment and i did well 🙂

SMART goals for today:

morning self-care routine ✅

finish half of psyc ch from last week ✅ (i wish their ch sizes and numbers for each week were consistent. last week we had to do 4 ch, and this second ch is the size of 2 regular ch! and this week, the amount of stuff to cover is the same. just lucky it's interesting rn bc the content is really relevant to my personal life...if i could just focus!!)

skincare ✅

night routine ✅

[liebelesbe]

oh man. gym class...

[sabertoothwalrus]

i had ANOTHER dream abt miraculous ladybug and this ones a LONG one. it didnt have your artstyle but time paris DID have lovely architecture such as: the bigass hollow tree stumps in breath of the wild, u know the ones big enough to fit a shrine and a half. anyway, the final battle is Happening, people get to wonder if hawkmoth is gonna bite the dust in real time bc its being televised. this is all taking place smth like 3 yrs in the future from season 4 of the show. so theyre like uhhhh Older Teens and certifiably Tired Of All This Shit. so! at the bottom of one of those tree stumps, cat noir’s identity is going to be revealed! oh no!! hes in a #crisis of the soul mostly bc getting revealed would be Bad but also he doesnt feel like hes helping ladybug anymore. he doesnt feel trusted. a classic tale of the villain manipulating a traumatized teen. and ladybug (looking out over a roof and yelling at the top of her lungs) is like “ABSOLUTELY NOT YOU LEAVE MY PARTNER ALONE.” and bribes hawkmoth away by dangling her own secret identity in front of him like a worm on a hook. it works a little too well. her identity gets revealed! cat noir is safe but in the shuffle hes lost his miraculous and marinette picks it up. shes got both and puts them on. tikki and plagg are like “MARINETTE ITS SO DANGEROUS TO WEAR BOTH AT THE SAME TIME” and shes like “im going to punch hawkmoth in the face” and off she goes.

cat noir is nowhere to be found bc now hes adrian! and she doesnt know that! but he knows shes marinette! drama! so now ladybug is re transformed (without activating the black cat miraculous) and is whaling on hawkmoth. she crashes thru my house which is definitely not in paris and tells me and my sibs we have to get out NOW so we book it and its at this point the dream reveals to me that mylene’s mom is chinese and i sit there like Now Hold On A Minute and my mom says “i told u so!” and i tell her “you dont even watch the show???” mylene was wearing a green cheongsam. i don’t tend to ask questions. also by this point i made a mental note to tell u abt this bc it only gets more batshit.

ladybug told us (and everyone that was running away which was a lot of ppl) that if they find cat noir they shld tell him that ladybug loves him. then she has this Stellar idea. she finds nadja chamack and her camera (bc theres only two newspeople in all of paris and one of them runs reality tv) and is like “hi i need to get a message out to cat noir.” when the camera is situated on her (mind u ms chamack is VERY aware that this is her daughters babysitter and is currently holding hawkmoth in a chokehold) she says “im sorry cat noir. you believed in me and trusted me since day one and i couldnt extend you the same courtesy. i was wrong. there is no one else who can wield the black cat miraculous, no one else i would trust with the power of destruction. meet me at our normal rendezvous point so i can give back what is yours.” its all very heartfelt but undercut by the fact that hawkmoth’s bitch ass is shouting explicatives next to her. the fight resumes. she gets slammed into a wall á la every anime fight ever and manages to hide before getting to the roof where she’s waiting for cat noir. shes in a right amount of pain and tikki is running her mouth abt danger and injuries etc. marinette Will Not Move until cat noir shows up. and he does! adrian arrives! when marinette sees him she starts laughing and crying. adrian is rightfully confused. is this a good thing? is this a bad thing? did she hit her head? (yes to all 3.) marinette says “i have been in love with you since 10th grade.” (were they in 10th grade? i do not know.) adrian says “and ive been busy being in love with ladybug.” and then she apologizes again, gives him the ring back, they hug, kick ass and meet up in her room.

if it feels like we’re going rlly fast now its bc we are. the dream was pretty much a montage at this point. hawkmoth is arrested, the world knows who ladybug is, adrian is an orphan, nathalie is still sick, and marinettes parents r thinking that their kid has nearly died MULTIPLE TIMES and they never knew. also luka is under that bridge going “oh fuck.” marinette is in her room trying to explain what will happen next to alya and nino. alya says “i had to tell nino”and marinette says “i am beyond the point of anger. but whatever.” cat noir falls thru her sunroof and they hug (again, there was so much hugging in this dream to make up for the complete lack of hugging in the actual show) and alya + nino are like “uhhh awkward.” the last convo i don’t have quotes for bc at this point my alarm was ringing but it was something abt how marinette cant be ladybug or hold the miracle box and she wld want alya to be the holder but NINO knows and nino Cant Know. but cat noir doesnt want marinette to lose her memories! but People Know. the conclusion was they have to talk to chloe abt how to navigate paparazzi. this is my chloe-and-marinette-could-be-friends agenda. ok i think thats EVERYTHING. if u read all that godspeed, drink water. OH. FINAL THOUGHT. ADRIAN HAD LONG BEAUTIFUL HAIR WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ALL OF THIS. he had model-brand stubble and sharper teeth than he should.

sometimes I’m peeved that tumblr increased the character limit for asks to be higher than 500 characters, and other times I get

1k word asks about miraculous ladybug dreams, and I think that’s beautiful

I do unironically love the part about Chloe helping Marinette navigate paparazzi, rip to her canon character development

[anqelically-archived]

hii, can i req a match-up w a male character? [ jjk ] (sory if it's long, just do it if u want, i don't want to force u to do anything) i thanks u in advance 😔💞

first off all i’m update w the manga.

i’m an introverted and calm person, so i prefer to avoid conflicts and i don't mind spending my time helping others. the ppl could say that i’m reserved, but I know how to communicate in a warm and sensitive way, it isn’t difficult for me to understand others emotionally.

> i highly value deep and authentic relationships.

> i’m a loyal, friendly and cunning person.

> smth that i abhor injustice.

while i can be quite fair and kind to those i love/value, i can also be cold to those i don't appreciate.

literally speaking the first friend i had was when i was ten years old 💀 i started socializing more in high school.

i’ve good grades, nthg wow but they are quite high. i also have the ability to learn everything very quickly, so this makes me easily bored of things, activities that i never got tired of were drawing, do sports or reading.

well, a basic description of me would be that i’m a person w a fairly average height, 1.60 cm (5'3”), i’ve like nine piercings and i usually train a lot, i work w my own weight (i do parkour) so i’ve a slim and toned body (nthg exaggerated).

zodiac: gemini

mbti: infj (6w5)

my pronouns: she/her

love language: acts of service

thx for all again and have a nice day <3

sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, english isn’t my mother language 😔👊🏻

YOUR MATCH-UP IS…

…MEGUMI FUSHIGURO !

NO MANGA SPOILERS BELOW

literally reading through this, i think the perfect match for you is megumi. you two have quite a few similarities and characters that just match up well

megumi is not one looking for a relationship that’s practically a show. he wants something authentic, something real. he doesn’t give out information easily and values things like loyalty in a s/o

i feel like the relationship might’ve been a little slow at first. it was more of being friends for a while when feelings suddenly crashed in (for megumi anyway)

you dislike injustice and megumi does as well, it’s why he takes matters into his own hands. we know his opinion on kind people and how it’s unfair for them to be in such a cruel world. this is something he sees in you, another person who is kind and understandable (i don’t even know if that makes sense-)

both of your love languages are acts of service, so expect much of that in your relationship. my person hc is that acts of service is one of his main love languages, so he’ll do as much for you as you do for him

megumi loves to work out with you. he doesn’t mind training with his other friends at the school, but mister grumpy pants over here finds it more enjoyable with you (your presence for him is enjoyable overall)

a usual activity for the both of you is just sitting down and reading. it may seem boring to others (mostly kugisaki) but it’s something the two of you never get sick of

NOTE: i think i did this in 15 minutes 😳 i’m being so serious when i say watching the jjk movie gave me motivation for writing- anyways, thanks for the request <33 hoping your day is going well !!

NAVIGATION: here

reblogs are appreciated, and asks are welcome <3

[polyamorouspunk]

Hi so um. You said we were allowed to vent in the inbox so here I am. I feel like there are a million things in my life that would be shitty on their own, but piled on top of one another, it's really awful. It's just... ugh. My parent split up, which is old news, but I still hate it, and my grandmother has cancer that probably won't kill her now but it might spread and the chemo isn't working, and I just started school so that's a big ass spike in anxiety, I'm stressed as hell about coming out to my parents, and depression just decides to randomly spike all the time. I feel like everything's a mess, and it's not like I want to die, but I kinda wish I could just hit a reset button and go back to before everything went to shit. Sorry if this ask is a little too vent-y, feel free to just delete it. Some encouragement or smth would be nice but I'm also happy to just write this down and get it out into the void. Hope you're doing alright and I like your blog a lot :)

It’s not too venty at all.

Honestly now that I have free time from not being in grade school and a million extra curriculars, I find myself sleeping all the time. I used to hate napping but now it’s like. Let me just take a break from the world. I’m happiest when I’m not here. Like no I don’t want to die but I’m happiest when I’m asleep and no thoughts head empty literally. It’s hard to do that when you’re in school.

The cancer thing sucks. I’m sure being in a global Panda Express™️ isn’t helping either. Always worrying about secondary health matters in addition to the main one. I’m not the best at comforting for sick family members, I think. But like I do understand what you’re going through to a degree because like it’s something everyone goes through so. Just to different degrees.

I also never really got the “my parents are divorced” blues because like… idk I had other shit going on mentally and like idk. I’m lucky I was shielded from a lot, but things definitely went downhill in some ways after my parents divorce. But like them splitting up wasn’t hurtful, so like once again while I’m also a child of divorce it hasn’t had the usual impact on me.

As much as school sucked I miss it so much because I literally just sit in my house by myself every day and I don’t really go anywhere unless it’s on the weekends and I don’t really see people. Like I had fun in high school. I miss being a kid, to be honest, even if I was cringe.

It really feels like everyone is going through it these past few years for a variety of reasons, a lot of them shared. Some things do get better when you’re older though. I think grade school is the most emotional time in every way, so the goods are really good and the bads are really bad in my opinion, I feel like after I graduated things just mellowed out. Obviously I still had some crises, and every graduate experience is different, but I feel like the thing is now I’m old enough to do things I want but not too old to still do other things I want. Just need the right time and place.

[smol-grey-tea]

Just wanna rant about my teacher for a sec, I'll call him Mr Phil cuz he teaches philosophy

Mr Phil is the strictest teacher in the school but he teaches both philosophy and psychology so that means I had to see him a lot cuz I'm very passionate about psychology and in my opinion the kind of debating that the philosophy subject provides should probably be mandatory. I don't regret having him for 2 classes since I knew what I was getting myself into anyways and I wanted to do it to challenge myself too.

I don't think that I do/did have anxiety and I can't say for sure what this was, but sometimes before each of his lessons I would cry and feel nauseous from stress so I would either enter the classroom late or I would miss the lesson sitting in a quiet room talking to someone or revising. The lessons themselves I found very easy to understand and all the more interesting, so usually my stress would fade quite quickly. When we did practise exam questions, I was the 1st to get 11/12 marks on the 12 mark philosophy question and I was very proud of what is achieved.

The rest of the classes weren't really as good as me though (I swear I'm not bragging, this is a very important part of the story-) and Mr Phil wasn't very happy at all. We'd finished the 1st topic of Christian beliefs and next we were going to do a practise exam on it, and Mr Phil gave a long speech about just how little he believed in us. Don't get me wrong, he was quite right about how shit and lazy the class was but he really just went on about it so much, but also went on about how h a r d the exam would be and he predicted some statistic I think about 55% of us getting less than a grade 4 or smth? I don't remember the specifics-

But come the next Monday, the day of the exam: I wake up, I eat breakfast, I brush my teeth, and I start to get dressed, but I feel so sick and I can't help but cry and there was no way I was going to school that day. I spent (some of) the day just revising (and pacing) but honestly it was way more boring than stressful cuz I was just reading over what I've already learned for no real reason.

I go back into school on Wednesday and in the psychology lesson Mr Phil tells me I have to stay half an hour after school to do the philosophy exam. Surprisingly he doesn't ask any questions about why I wasn't there to do it and doesn't seem angry at all, he doesn't even mention it. He hands me the exam, he starts the timer, I open the 1st page..and it's piss easy. I think the 3rd question was a bit confusing but it was definitely way easier than he made it out to be.

I can't remember the specifics again but I think I got maybe a grade 7 or smth. But I was really pissed off at him and still am now. I remember once in year 9 when I was crying about forgetting homework and he asked my friend if I was ok and when she explained it he laughed like it was nothing. And I remember on the last day of school he asked me a question, then said smth like "Why, whenever I ask you something, your face always looks terrified 😂" oh really?? I don't fucking know??? - 3 -

[baconacorn-blog]

04 feb 2019.

i guess this is where i really start my journey of self-love in the month of love? but that’s ironic isn’t it? 

the month of love but i don’t love myself enough to celebrate it.

honestly, i don’t know why i’m even writing it down on a blog but i guess i just really want to see if in a year, i could truly learn to love myself and change myself for a better.

i don’t know where to start but oh wells, i guess let’s start all the way back to when i was a fetus. jk. maybe when i was in secondary school.

i’m the kind of person who hates, like really really hates changes to the extreme core bc i’m the type of person who loves to stay in my zone. i hate anything out of my comfort zone and so i hated the school. the new environment. everything. but i grew to love it eventually. you see, it’s kind of a cycle. to be comfortable in something, you first have to be (ironically) uncomfortable in it first. (this is something i grew to learn recently only)

skipping 1 or 2 years, i was adjusting well afterward. made friends i thought i would stay together with forever but along the way, i lost a few. joined a cca i never knew i would be stuck to for 4 years of my life in that school but i guess i kind of enjoyed it. 

sec 3 and 4 was probably the start of my downfall, emotionally and mentally. i was stuck with 2 friends, who i thought was my really good and cool friends but well, i guess not. 

it was a fucking mind torture to me. 

those 2 friends together was a nightmare for me. they complement each other so well, they destroyed me emotionally and mentally. for some reasons, their judgment of me always gets into my head. even when sometimes, they weren’t even talking about me. it was the worst time of my life, having to deal with whatever the fuck they were commenting on (even if it’s not me or themselves but on other people) and thinking, “is that what they would think or say about me too?”

at the start, i would try to stand my point and do whatever i want to do. but slowly i succumb to their judgemental eyes and tried to prove that i’m not what think i am. oh, let me give you an example. 

before every training, we would hang out for lunch (like we normally would) but i slowly noticed how they would judge me by the selection of my food based on the price. what? yes, the goddamn price. mind you, we were from a neighborhood school and it’s not as if we are from some prestigious, atas, private institution where rich people goes to. my family isn’t as well to do as theirs but well, peer pressure am i right? i gave in, ordered slightly pricier food each time to show them i’m capable of affording those shits they are eating too. also, to stop their comments about which set meal i order and whatnots. yes, i bust my allowance every week bc of that. was i happy? no, definitely not. 

also bc of that my weight increased lmao and here i am today

they were so toxic to me and i failed to even fucking realised that bc i thought they were my friends. i mean, we have been rather close-knit friends since the year i stepped into that school so what’s there to doubt or anything right? then it took a toll on me bc i felt left out of things. i feel like people would judge me if i sat alone during assembly or on class excursions. fuck pairings honestly bc they would pair up together and dude, we are a trio. do i partner a ghost or smth? and honestly, i felt that they never really cared about me. these timeline of events had a toll on me mentally. when there are school trips, i did attempt to make myself sick bc i didn’t want to go. i always, always have anxiety the night before and it sucks. honestly, it sucks and killed my vibe comepletely. 

bc of their peer pressure of being a “studious student”, i didn’t focus on my studies either. last minute preparations became a thing and i just let my grades crumble and allow myself to be upset with the world for setting up a cruel society where a piece of paper determines our worth in the future. i beat myself up. who won? no one. but i lost, that’s for sure.

towards the end, i realised that they weren’t good company. everything was taking a toll on my mental health and the only way i could really be away from them was to do well in my studies and go to a different school from them. but just when i thought i could be separated from them, we ended up in the same school again. but thank god, we weren’t in the same class.

fast forward, i ended ties with one of them but not the other but i don’t really care at that point. i was happy. i had good company and really supportive bunch of frineds and classmates. occasionally i do hear some comments from that friend but i just let it brush by my mind and disappear. i was happy.

was.

2018 was another horror for me. my anxiety came back to hunt me and it stayed for so, so, so, so long. all the plans i had for the break just vanished into thin air. is it bc of my will to make new friends in jc that made me fearless and subdue my anxiety? maybe. but maybe it’s bc of the fear of unknown once again and the fear of judgment. it’s as if it went into a dormant state for 2 years and came back to hit me, full-blown, last year. it was so fucking horrible. i had countless of sleepless nights and overriding thoughts throughout the night. i hated myself so much bc of the outbreak on my face, my looks and everything. i hated how my life isn’t as “fun” as my friends. i hated how i wasn’t happy. i hated how people kept asking me “why aren’t you working?”. i hated how people called me lazy without knowing what’s going on in my head. i hated how i had no one to turn to bc i was afraid of vulnerability. i hated how everything was against me and i had no one to talk to. i hated how i was alone. i hated how i refuse to open up myself.

i hated everything and i still hate myself the most.

i was becoming someone so toxic and that i’m afraid it would just destroy relationships with the people around me... bc i started hating what they are and what they have that i don’t. i’m only seeing the worst of the worst of the worst in me and not the best anymore and it really sucks bc i’m losing myself. it got to the point of really bad thoughts... of thoughts of harming myself and it scares the hell out of me bc i believe that if you have those thoughts, it would eventually become an action one day. (though i’m not sure if it’s bc of the dark wattpad stories i was reading at that point but still)

but i’m determined to make a change - to learn to really love myself. to really let go of what’s in my head and to go for the things i love. the things i want. i don’t want to let others’ views to me holding me back anymore... i really want to grow this time. but it takes time and it’s going to be a long ass journey ahead of me. maybe that’s why i’m writing this down, bc i want to see myself loving me a little bit more each time i write in an entry. 

maybe, just maybe, i would finally learn to love myself and be happy again. and then i could just open up my scars and tell everyone that i did it, and you can love yourself too. :-)  

[arabvllas-blog]

          i don’t actually know how to write intros, i’d rather just kms but let’s give it a try anyway . . . also, disclaimer / i started writing this like three hours ago but right as i was getting to the good stuff my stomach did some freaky weird shit so i had to improvise the rest which is. . . messy, At Best ! but regardless, i hope you don’t judge me too much ? my name is zee, i’m 20 years old and i’m from the gmt timezone. i also use she/her pronouns. under the cut, i’ll be introducing you to ARABELLA HOWARD, who’s small, blonde, and troubled. sounds interesting ? then please give it a like and i’ll hop on your IMs so that we can plot something dramatic and juicy <3

&. 【 is that OLIVIA HOLT ? oh, never mind, it’s just ARABELLA HOWARD. the CIS FEMALE originally from GRANDVIEW. SHE is majoring in FINANCE and is TWENTY years old. i also hear they’re INCISIVE, yet sometimes PITILESS. they apparently told detective’s they were ava’s TUTOR. i have a feeling there’s more to the story than that !

tw: abuse mention b a c k s t o r y : 

arabella elise howard was born to a fairytale — her mother had been a professor with her round glasses hidden by stacks of books, while her father lived life without a worry, flying from country to country and enjoying the best money could buy. it didn’t make sense for their paths to cross, and it didn’t make sense for matthew howard to fall head over heels for the shy yet headstrong theresa wayne, but they did ; he did. and soon enough, he was whispering loving words to a big belly that housed the very product of their love.

but perhaps because it all seemed too good to be true, their happiness was short-lived. on the eve of arabella’s 3rd birthday, matthew’s car skidded along the icy roads, ending the couple’s life. too young to even notice their absence, arabella was handed over to her mother’s sister — she was a toddler reaching aimlessly for the same head of blonde hair that she’d known since birth. except this one wasn’t as kind, and surely not as loving.

leila wayne had loved her little sister, and had taken care of her when their senile parents couldn’t. growing up, there wasn’t one without the other. theresa was leila’s pride, the one wayne that would succeed and remember her big sister on the way up. that was until matthew barged in, corrupting her sibling, feeding her lies and stealing her away across the country. there wasn’t a day that went by that leila was sure theresa would still be alive if not for that man. him and his lies, convincing theresa that leila was too controlling, too obsessed, that she wanted her little sister to stay in the gutter with her.

the more she looked at arabella, and those dark eyes she’d inherited from her father, the more hatred festered in leila’s heart. she was the only living family that could take care of the orphaned howard child; how ironic.

growing up, arabella was almost fooled into thinking her home life was normal. the screaming at every mistake, the poor dinner comprised of day-old takeouts, the wasted mattress on the corner of the room that she curled into, whimpering as the lights went off and leila locked the door for the night. but still, some part of her knew deep down, that she had once known more; known better. and it was those blurry dreams of loving hugs and white-teeth smiles that kept the child, then teenager, alive.  

after here i got sick so bear with me as i try to complete this fajsidas

she was often alone for most part of her teenage years, burying herself in whatever books she got at the school library. because she couldn’t relate to the rest of the peers her age, arabella focused all her attention towards studying and making sure she could one day get as far away from her aunt as possible. she got a competitive streak, often harboring anger and envy towards anyone that got a better grade than her, though it meant she was always pushing herself to do better — but not always better for her, but better than them.

teachers and counselors often considered arabella as a rare gem, supporting her all the way to college applications and assuring her there was no way she wouldn’t get a scholarship with her record. so it was really a slap to the face when everyone started getting acceptance letters but her. until she discovered them ripped apart and half burnt in the trash, courtesy of leila. when confronted, the older woman claimed she was just like her mother. so eager to get away, to act like she was a monster they had to run from. but she refused to let arabella leave, like theresa had. ( i’m sure there would be a way to reverse this but idk enough about american education so let’s just go w it for the sake of the story). it was a tipping point, the last drop of water that would send the vase tipping over. that night, arabella locked her aunt in the same room she had spent her childhood in, lights turned off, the only sound the faint rumble of cars passing by. no matter how much the woman yelled, slammed, begged, she turned her back and packed the little she had been given. two days later, as the cab driver hauled up her luggage in the trunk, arabella unlocked the door to a passed out and starving leila, and left without saying goodbye.

she ended up going to her last choice aka grandview, while living alone in her little shoebox apt that was all hers, with lots of light. and when the opportunity actually came to attend oakridge, arabella was the first to take it. while it wasn’t her dream college, it was still a prestigious one, and since ridding herself of the dead weight in her life, she’d started planning to rise as far as they would let her go. far enough that the whispers in the dark couldn’t get to her.

p e r s o n a l i t y and t i d b i t s : 

very self-centered, only ever concerned about her and what happens to her and will this affect her ? really the last person to go to if you want someone to listen… that one girl that zones out when someone starts monologuing and comes back only when her name is mentioned. has a hard time feeling sympathy, especially if you’re rich.

always overthinks her words and waits 5 seconds before speaking to make sure it’s exactly what she wants to say and if it’s something bitchy then that’s just the way it is. but she’s more reserved than outgoing, so if she does say smth mean you just really asked for it. or it’s finals time. 

driven and dedicated about her academics…. like obviously they all are but she’s a freak about it. i’m talking redbull intoxication feat. one of those pinterest pics of like a bunch of coffee cups just laying around like someone’s got time to spare. if she’s not studying, she’s reading…. likes classics but also occasionally reads NA in the middle of the night because no one will ever know.

is very scared of the dark. can’t sleep without a light on, or two on very hard days. once in highschool some kids decided to prank the teacher and turn off all lights and blinds in the classroom and she had a panic attack that led them all to detention. it was a very rough year, kids are cruel.

tutored ava for a while in english because it meant some cash on the side, but was about to quit before she died simply because ava was getting better grades and that was really a bitch ass of a situation. her first reaction when she heard of her death was that at least she didn’t have to have an awkward conversation with her about it. . . but then she was a shocked and a little sad, i promise. well, i don’t promise promise but. . .

majors in finance, hates it. she was definitely going for a english major but realistically decided it wasn’t worth putting herself in debt for it ( no offense for any english majors. ) doesn’t actually know what she wants to do with her life after she graduates. she only knows how to be a student, not an actual working woman. 

in summary, arabella elise howard is a broke, over-achieving, cold twenty year old who’s only 5′3 and thinks she can still be intimidating.

[yifoxu]

galaxy, melody, gorgeous, sense, nail laquer

galaxy; what fascinates you?

the little connections that happen in life is what i find extremely fascinating tbhlike all the coincidences and little things that make you think “woah is the universe telling me smth?? is this a sign for smth??”

other than that i find arts & science & philosophy really fascinating!! 

melody; favorite artists?

honestly i rarely listen to my favourite singer & my favourite band, but when i do i’m all “what is this heavenly music??????”renee olstead; she’s a jazz singer and her voice is probably the best thing i’ve ever witnessed and i feel so blessed that i found her (∗ᵕ̴᷄◡ᵕ̴᷅∗)՞if you’re interested my faves are stars fell on alabama, hit the road jack & is you is or is you not my baby

hands like houses; they’re a rock band but their style is so unique?? i honestly love every song they did but some ultimate faves are: one hundred, a tale of outer suburbia & weightthey did some acoustic versions too which are so good!! recollect & rediscover

gorgeous; what do you like in a person?

i really appreciate good humour, a positive & optimistic attitude, love for animals (esp. dogs!!), more on the mature side?, more extroverted to counter my extremely introverted personality lmao

sense; best subject? favorite subject?

my best & favourite subjects were always really dependent on the teacher i had; in the final year of school my best & favourite subjects were art, bio & english!!((fun story: in year 11 i had this bio teacher who was really strict and i was so scared of her so i rarely ever participated in class, i just sat there and waited for it too be over jkdshlkas like i absolutely hated the class and got major anxiety the day before bc i really didnt want to go - she got sick or smth at some point so we got a new teacher and the new teacher was the nicest person ever :’) she was really encouraging and so lovely, so i eventually got out of my shell and my grade improved quite a bit))

nail lacquer; punk or pastel?

i used to be really into the whole punk aesthetic and now i’m all into the pastel aesthetic,, but honestly i still really like the punk aesthetic tbh 

some pretty asks

[aloneatl4st]

Touch Starvation

Hello friends.

I would like to tell a story. A story about the last real romantic interaction i experienced that has left me feeling kind of empty.

I was 16 at the time, just before i started 10th grade (so around September of 2020).I used to hang out with a close childhood friend of mine amd her friend. Lets call her Jess and him Mark for reference.

I was outside woth Jess and Mark and we were aty citys most known mall, outside sitting on the grass of the big park it had.

I had been told we were waiting for a friend of Marks that was moving into our city to study. Lets call this friend Robert.

Time passes and Robert arrives. A soon as he approaches us i kind of feels like hes definitely not straight but me and jess were jokingly fighting over him behind his back as he was in front of us with Mark talking about random stuff.

Skipping a day of random stuff I actually find out he is bisexual after i tell him im gay (i do not remember the context but it wasnt in any way relationship related, we were just being ourselves). I remember him asking of me to not actually tell anyone because we were hanging out with another girl and another person. Tgese 2 people along with Mark were moderately homophobic, but I was never really afraid to tell them I am gay, however i did say i wont tell anyone.

Some time passes and we end up in a little park woth a very large and round swing where he sets himself beside me and we... just kind of talk. He actually ends up talking about how he feels used by all the men hes been with and when I ask him where does he find the men in question he answers Grindr. I tell him that he shouldn't expect smth good out of Grindr but i dont have the most convincing talent so he kinda just brushes it off.

At that point it was safe to say that i liked him. Robert would hook up with random men just attempting to get an actual relationship but it was just a waste of time.

More time passes and our whole group of friends ends up being outside at 1 AM somewhere close to my home, and it was really chilly outside. I only brought a flimsy jacket with me but i was s h i v e r i n g.

A few friends were just sitting on the bench, including Jess, Mark and Robert. One of the homophobic girls i mentioned earlier was snuggled up to Robert and he was just kind of existing, he had a hoodie on.

Needless to say, I was jealous LOL so I pretended to be very cold and to refuse Robert's advice of "also snuggling up to him". But i gave in, I'm just kind of petty looool.

It is kind of pathetic to say it out loud like this but that was the first time i ever got that close to a man in terms of being hugged/hugging back. Since im vocal enough about being gay my male classmates really just keeo their fair distance from me and hugging ig just isnt a "man" thing. My birthday is during Christmas too so i cant get birthday hugs at school.

I also have no male friends either so yea that was the first time i got a good cuddle from a man.

It felt... warm. I was close to crying in that moment because he had his arm wrapped around my neck as i was snuggling into his right shoulder/right side of his chest, as the other girl was on his left. I have always been touch starved but after that night when i had to let go of Robert... i felt seriously empty

He was 19 and secretly taken so nothing would've worked out, but i found out too late and an emotional bond was already formed.

I asked him to meet me at the top of the outside stairs of the park where there was a fountain. I was planning on confessing, even if i knew about our age cap. All i knew was that i missed that warmth he provided for me in that one moment. Half way through the confession i chicken out and instead of saying "I like you" i said "i liked you".

he laughs.

not in a "lmao how could i like you lol". More like a "oh haha thats crazyy". So i kept on with the convo and told him that i needed to look at some stuff through the mall and he said he wants to tag along.

After that day i had found out that he was actually growing sick of the friend group and he was just overall being a mess and mean for no reason.

He was basically excluded from our friend grouo6and i havent heard of him ever since.

I hate him for how mean he became for no apparent reason. But i miss his touch. I miss his warmth.

I want to feel the warmth of a man once again. Just once, since to that moment i have never been ina relationships with someone, even to today i have always been single.

Touch Starvation is a cute book trope I guess, but i genuinely do not wish it on anyone. It has left me feeling dead constantly and like the obky priority for me should be romantic love, not achievements, education of stronger friendship bonds.

[sunnysidewrites]

Assassin!Seungcheol Pt 1

Requested by anon: Can please request a seungcheol mafia au with angst and fluff 💘 

hi lil anon i was actually already planning on writing this au right before you requested! I hope this was something along the lines of what you were looking for!! happy bday to papa cheols he is sUCH A BIAS WRECKER!! AND IM SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH FOR THIS!!! THIS ALMOST SURPASSED WOLF!WONWOO’S LENGTH JLSDJFDLS I WILL DO A PART 2 IF PEOPLE WANT IT!!!

also I was in the middle of writing this when all of a sudden i got a notification that @cheollies posted one and i was like oMG ARE U SERIOUS HERS IS SO MUCH BETTER!! go check hers out IM SO IN LOVE WITH HER WRITING OMG SHE GIVES ME INSPIRATION!!! my au takes a different direction bUT I FIND IT FUNNY HOW WE BOTH DID IT LMAO

warnings: fluff and a whole lotta angst, mention of some violence

Part 1 | Part 2 (Finale)

Yes another one

I apparently really like assassin and vigilante aus bc,,,, just look at wonwoo’s

I just kiNDA LIVE FOR THIS TROPE LEAVE ME A LO N E

anyways birthday boi papa cheols can run me over with this au bye

Seungcheol had always been involved in the shady realm of business

His father was a politician and,,,, well he wasn’t bad but he wasn’t good either

Seungcheol, however, thought his father did some questionable things

His suspicions were confirmed one day

“You’re gonna need to protect me”

And lil cheollie was like ???? what do you mean dad????

“Son, I have a lot of enemies, and that’s inevitable when you have this type of job. I don’t trust anyone else to do this job,,, so,,,,,,”

Poor smol cheols is still really confused like dad im still not understanding

“I need you to,,,,, take care,,,,,, of some people for me”

“Take care?? Like help them when they’re sick???”

“Sure…. Sick…. Let’s go with that”

And from then on, seungcheol started this dirty job his father brainwashed him into doing

He was only in middle school when he had to do his first “mission”

Since his dad didn’t want him to do anything big just yet, he only had cheols start off by dropping in poison discreetly in drinks

His missions slowly started to grow larger and next thing you know Seungcheol is taking up self defense classes

He’s now in his early 20’s and,,,,

His heart has completely hardened

I’m sad now

All he thinks about is how his father will be proud for completing whatever current mission he needs to do

The reassuring words of “i’m proud” always made him feel overjoyed,,,, his father had never once said that to him even when Seungcheol had good grades or brought his team to first place in the football championships,,,,

No. His father only congratulated him every time he took care of an “inconvenience.”

“If this is what I have to do to get him to notice me,,,,, then I’ll do it.”

His father is in the middle of negotiating with another distinguished political figure,,, but things aren’t going very well

Being the manipulative person he is, cheol’s father is blackmailing the man to give in

“You wouldn’t want anything to happen to your daughter,,,,, do you?”

“,,,,,You wouldn’t. Leave her out of this and settle this like a real man.”

“Oh, but I most certainly would, Park. Do not test me.”

The man mulls it over in thought before caving in

Ofc,,, seungcheol doesn't know about the dirty work his father does himself

He only thinks there's a reason for why his father has a need to get rid of bad men, and he just goes along with it

At this point he’s completely void of warmth and nurture

Whatever his father orders him to do, he does it without hesitation whatsoever

Until,,,, he meets,,,,

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” you apologize for running into someone

He doesn’t have time to deal with this since he’s on his way to meet his father but he takes one look at your face and he is star!! struck!!

“A-ah,,,, it’s alright; I wasn’t looking either,” he says with a dazed look

And you’re like oh good sorry about that again!! And you rush off to wherever you’re going

He watches you leave but then he’s like o right i gotta meet dad

The rest of the day he just has thoughts on the stranger he bumped into

His next mission is to get rid of the man’s daughter, but he can’t immediately kill her just quite yet

His father tells him to wait it out if the man pulls any tricks on him

But as for now, the father is holding off any missions for cheols bc the other politician is his main concern rn, and there doesn’t seem to be anything shady just yet

Cheols is like welp ok guess i’ll just,,,,,,chill or smth,,,,,,

And cheols hasn’t had free time in a loooong time so he’s kinda unsure what to exactly do

He decides to just go to the gym and hang out around a mall or smth like he literally does not know what to do

He’s at a nearby mall one day just chilling on a bench and sipping his smoothie he bought from the food court when he suddenly sits upright

A few shops down is the same person he bumped into!!!

You’re on a lonely shopping spree that consists of just window shopping and going around to stores that seem to have cute clothes

And he’s just like ,,,,,,,,what are the chances of meeting her again,,,,,,,,

He casually walks over at a reasonable distance where he’s far enough to not seem like a stalker but close enough to have you in sight

When he sees you heading out of the store he just casually bumps into you

“Oh sorry -- omg it’s you!” you say pointing your finger at him

And he’s like lmao :) yes :) it is me :) totally coincidental :)

“It’s alright,,, i’m already used to it ;)”

And you’re like l m a o,,, k then

“Are you by yourself?”

“Well,,, just having some me time” you raise your hands to gesture to the bags in your hand

“You look like you can use some company ;)” cheols pls

And you’re like ahhaahaha,,,,,, well not realllllly LOL but,,,,, you can join if you’d like,,,,,,, or smth,,,,,

And that’s how you got Seungcheol to spontaneously join you in what you originally intended to be your me time

When you had to get going, he was like you wanna,, exchange numbers so we can do this again??

And you’re like ,,,,,,,,sure

Smooth cheol not really bye

You guys keep this up for the next few weeks, either you hitting him up to “have someone accompany you,” or him seeing what you’re up to and joining you regardless bc “you need someone to protect you”

I mean you lowkey do tho

You grow closer to Seungcheol but you’re utterly oblivious to what he does behind the scenes

And quite frankly, he wants it to stay that way

For once, he was not shunned bc of his work and he wants to keep it that way

He’s finally met someone who’s overlooked everything he’s ever wanted to hide and he doesn’t ever want that to be taken away from him

You and seungcheol have grown so close that you guys don’t even bother to use an excuse to see each other like how you did the first week or so of meeting each other

“Hey let’s go down to the new cafe down the street”

“Be there in 10”

Seungcheol didn’t realize how deep he fell until he saw you with another guy

Once the person leaves, he sidles up next to you and starts badgering you

“Who was that guy”

“What did he want”

“I think he was standing a little too close to you”

“He didn’t try anything funny, did he?”

“fOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHEOL THAT WAS MY COUSIN”

“....still”

And he’s like i don’t like it when guys get too close to you

And you’re like why do you even care so much?????

“Bc,,,,,,,,,,i like you you don’t know self-defense”

And you’re like uM IM NOT WEAK

“Try throwing me over”

“You’re like twice my size wtf”

“dO IT”

And you’re like ,,,,,,,,ok fine i’m weak

And the way you’re pouting and playfully hitting his arm

It’s all it takes for him to laugh with a twinkle in his eyes and he realizes

He’s in love

The curve of your lips, the crinkle of your eyes,,,, it’s enough to set him off

He only stands there staring at you and you’re like ????

“Earth to cheols???” you wave your hand in front of his face thinking he spaced out

You have a very perplexed look on your face and he’s like okAY I CAN’T TAKE THIS

He grabs your face and you’re like uH????????????

“You need to stop”

“Stop,,,, what? What do i need to stop????”

“Being so vulnerable. You only make yourself more irresistible”

And before you can even ask him what he means by that, he juST PULLS YOU IN AND KISSES YOU

And you’re like o H MY GO D WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT

But the warmth emitting from his body and the softness of his lips make you wanna dIE and you both soon engage in a passionate kiss

You hadn’t realized you liked him until that moment

You,,,, love him

You both break away, completely breathless

“You’re too irresistible, I couldn’t handle it”

“Shut up and kiss me again”

Soon enough you have to part ways and call it a day and both of you are essentially floating back home on cloud 9

You close your door and lean against it, bringing your hand up to your lips

You,,, had your first kiss,,,,,,

Meanwhile back at home, Seungcheol is trying to keep his heart and thoughts from racing

He can still feel your body under his and just merely thinking about it makes him break out into a gigantic foolish grin

The next day, you text him to see if he wants to go check out the ice cream parlor

But,,,,,, you never get a response

You’re thinking he’s probably busy doing something but,,, he doesn’t respond the entire day

Nor does he respond the entire week after that

And you’re just,,,,,,, really hurt and confused

“Where,,, did i go wrong???”

You thought the feelings were mutual that night,,,, now suddenly he got cold feet and left you like this????

Two weeks pass and you still hadn’t heard of anything from him

You text and call him but to no avail

You’re just about to give up contacting him after calling him for the fifth time but you suddenly hear a voice that you’ve been waiting for

“Hello?”

“Cheol what happened to you! I thought,,,, i thought,,,, you didn’t wanna see me anymore,,,,,,,,,,,,,”

And there’s silence on the other end

“Cheol, are you still there?”

“Look,,,,,,, y/n,,,,,, we can’t do this”

Your heart sinks

“W-what can’t we do?”

“This was never gonna work out,,, we should just end it here”

“Cheol, i don’t understand, let’s just meet up and talk--”

“No! Y/N, forget it! Forget everything we did. Forget about us. Forget,,, forget about me.”

“Cheol, stop talking nonsense--”

And the line cuts.

Your arm limply falls and drops the phone

You can’t eat or sleep for the next few days

A week later you return to the same cafe you bumped him at and a small inkling of you wants to meet him but at the same time you don’t know what would happen if you did

You end up going to the cafe every day because of that stupid little small spark of hope inside of you,,,, you keep telling yourself you’ll never see him again but,,,, your feet keep taking you there

Just around the corner of a building across the street, Seungcheol sees you desperately trying to find any signs of him

He grips his gun

“I’m sorry dad,,,, i can’t do it this time”

Might make part 2 if there’s a good response!!!!

[changji]

There’s a limit for when you’re in school but in summer I can do whatever I want bc it’s a Free Country 🤪 u miss are not allowed to get sick u hear me or else I will personally fly to cali & nurse you 😤 A STARBUCKS DRINK FOR $4.85 EYE- THAT’S SO GOOD WTFF I DON’T THINK I’VE PAID LESS THAN $5 FOR A DRINK THERE. You’re really out here like that

Ah I forgot to say how often I climb but I usually try for 3+ times a month bc the gym is pretty far away (by far i mean 2 different buses & an hour of crying). When I first started I was being taught how to tie a figure 8 knot (which is the most important one you need so you don’t die) and i couldn’t fucking get it right so the instructor had to go over it 193837 times & was getting annoyed @ me. LOL I couldn’t look him in the eye at all and my face had never been redder that day lmfao

At least ur teachers like you. I’m like that one student that never says anything and just sits there with an rbf so idk what my teachers think of me LOL. Half the time they don’t know I’m there. I got marked absent a couple times before but i was there in class 😤😤 ohh that’s cool. Band season runs the entire year for my school but that’s probably bc it’s a credit course. Newborn babies kinda are, it’s when they reach a couple months old they become cute

LOL how do you pronounce breakfast? I say salmon with the L & I get hated on by everyone. Taeyomi was great but changji is even better. Like changbin + jisung? Genius. Legends Only. Jkhsdiweiihfew I’m glad my url has an impact on ur daily life 🥵🥵 languages are so hard, I’m literally illiterate in every single one ik. Ikr? Our names are so easy like how do u mispronounce arella? One time  someone spelt my name as Adly and I wanted to Perish

The chance the skip 2 math levels? Once again ur a genius legend. I could never esp w math holy moly. Okay dark ones it is!! I was thinking either the 1st or 2nd ones? Which do u like more? Ah new friends. The first weeks are always so awkward bc you don’t really know them well so you don’t know how much of urself you wanna expose (or it’s just me. I’m too much of a crackhead apparently). Wait a moment. Do you have multiple buildings at ur school like a uni campus??

Make out spots at my school is this one sketchy stairwell where all the scary ppl are. The whole school just smells like weed bc 90% of the school are potheads. Alright that’s the deal if we die we die together 😤 I have never heard of bathroom portables before,, those sounds so Extra. Are they like a porta potty? Omg speaking of older grades a bunch of girls who graduated last year came to my work & I was like “oh shit lol ik u all this is awkward” 

Oof I’m the older sister so like. Favouritism never works in my favour. My sister will literally start a fight w me but I’m the only one who gets lectured in the end. Like. Bitch u started this 😤 I’m on the older side out of my cousins so I’m just Ignored 😪 I’m placing my bet on 2k words right now for our convos 

-

ah makes sense, i thought there was a time for summer too but it might just be here or i’m dumb 😔 I CANT AFFORD TO GET SICK MISSING ONE DAY OF SCHOOL WILL NOT HELP ME AT ALL ! but thank u for ur concern miss, u should just fly to cali anyway 😪 myb i’ll go to u can i hitchike from here ?? IT IS SO GOOD ITS AMAZING IT WAS SO CHEAP but the drink was super sweet 🤢 i have converted back to normal lattes with no syrup. peet’s is usually 5.20 for my drink and it’s so strong i don’t need extra shots ☺️ 

3 times,, a month,, i go to the mall like 3 times a week, look @ u being so athletic! tbh i sound lame but i’ve never taken a bus (other than a school bus for field trips) before like. buses here are lowkey sketch but it’s mostly college students. i rely on my parents and uber 🤧 sometimes i walk but. i don’t like to but if i have to i will oop. it takes an hour to get there and an hour back then right? i can’t imagine bro omg i’d just die. i know how to knot my shoelaces and never being able to untangle them so i now wear slip ons 🤪 poor ada, were like the same person but that was me when i took a knitting class for some reason and couldn’t do any of it 😪

okay idk if i told u yet but my ap euro teacher asked who’s been to italy so i raised my hand, he asked how it was and i said “the gelato is rly good” and his face was just. utter disappointment. turns out he was asking abt the art but he didnt clarify it and we weren’t even talking abt art so now i’m known as That Girl 😔 it’s hard to miss me oop, if it’s quiet then i’m sleeping & all my teachers last year knew this 😪 how do u get marked absent?? i wish band was a credit course but it’s only extra curricular 😔 are ur teachers snakes i will Step on them. newborns look fake but yeah they get cute when they’re like half a year old. 

like. brek-fust by my friends says brek-fist like it’s more of a u sound than an i but go off u idiots. salmon with the L,, ada,, no,, if u say carmel instead of caramel i’m gonna riot. ugh thanks bro i was lucky someone gave me this url, but nohyuckclub? aka the author of the most legendary mark lee social media au? A Whole Legend, but treerachas? my absolutely fave 🥺 languages are dumb i don’t know english i don’t know spanish my vocab consists of sksk and i oop, and that’s it. HOW DO U MISPRONOUNCE ADA LIKE. when i saw ur name i was like ay-da not ah-da, ppl need to learn bro it’s just said how it’s spelled. AND PERISH LOL I LOVE THE WORDS U USE

i’m actually dumb tho i just hate math oops, i’m more of a lunch kind of person if u know what i mean 😉 JK IM GROSS STOP ME and i like the 2nd one (the red one right? idk it’s all pretty u choose) i don’t wanna expose myself but it happens bc i’m just naturally a crackhead oops. but yeah we have multiple buildings! my campus is pretty small tbh? compared to other schools we’re really small, there’s like 2k kids here and i wanna die. it’s so crowded in the halls like get away from me u smelly thot. we have 3 buildings connected by 3 hallways, and a few other ones like the science buildings, music room, portables, 2 gyms and classrooms. in total i think there are 10 buildings? how’s ur campus like?

do you have one big building or smth? in my middle school had stairs and. stairs aren’t fun i hate them. if people kissed on the stairs everybody would hate them bc they’re blocking the halls LOL. we have our legendary D wing bathrooms where people smoke its so funny how often i got offered a roll,,, people straight up vape in class its so funny. but yeah a porta party. disgusting 🤢 in my head that’s what i call it LOL, a portable bathroom… i hate when i see people from school or just. ppl in general, did they recognize u?

U SPELL FAVORITISM WITH A U THATS SO WEIRD FUCKING AMERICA but im lowkey spoiled (highkey) but i. don’t pick fights, its my brother who does that LOL, he gets lectured tho so,,, not my problem oops i have a lot of cousins but we split it when we were younger so its wrong but teens (now adults but still called teens), kids (now teens but still called kids), and the adult adult cousins (which is the only correct one LOL) but i fit into the kid category so,,,, also we have almost 20k im literally SCREAMING, including this we’re at 20,712 words im-

[genderplanet]

since going vegan (it's been awhile now lmao and my sister again showed uncooked meat in my face and laughed at me so I'm annoyed and writting this lol):

Idk how to add ‘read more’ on moblie so good luck for people who hates vegans lmao it’s my own experience so jot that down: 1) Learned which friends™ are dumb as shit, will start debates with you and become an expert in health, economy, capitalism, environmentalist shite and so on while delivering 0 facts and completely dissmissing my researched scientific articles™ but their opinion is the ultimate supperior well known facts™.((not saying that science can’t be biased just saying that someone’s opinion™ vs multiple research papers and health organisations’ approved consensus like…..okay…………….)). 2) How much my family actually cares for my health. Thanks fam. Much appreciated that you let me develope an eating disorder which fucked me up so badly but since going vegan and eating normal meals everyday and not like maybe once in 2 or 3 days but ok. You’re now an expert and care for my health haha wow I sure do love not experiencing ibs, higher acidity, acne, lactose intolerance caused problems and hormone disbalance and so on but like : )) ur an expert now and care for me and my health : )))))) yes family none of you have lactose intolerance, bowel movements and other severe health problems caused by meat you experience is not your diet ur hhhhhealt h h yyyyy yyyy. 3) People suddenly becoming health experts while eating an egg lmao like….did i ask….. 4) People get suddenly VERY defensive of why they’re not vegans and tell how vegans are annoying and trying to get my vegan ™ approval. Like……I literally just showed a picture of what I ate why are you like this it’s so annoying. 5) “Being vegan is so expensive” You’re thinking of processed crap that so little of us actually purchaces but okay ((bonus points is if we’re in a grocery store and we both buy yoghurts just I vegan version and them dairy while my yoghurt costs the same or less than their dairy but……i guess I’m living an expensive life)). 6) I know only one person who is both lactose intolerant and soya protein intolerant but only talks about the latter while whining the same day about their health problems that are caused by lactose intolerance like…….shut up…jsut ahut yopppp and lwave me alone I came to talk about other things and not your and your child lactose intolerancd while not even saying 'lactose intolerance’. 7) No, I don’t support Peta they’re evil. 8) No, palm oil is not vegan (yeah it’s a plant but its consumption is just that bad) and majority of vegans avoid it, and you, a fellow omnivore™, do avoid it? Or just want an argument against vegans/veganism???? Why do ppl even want to talk to me about that shut up I didn’t even bring that up myself and people who wants to talk to me about that seems as if bathing in palm oil as they’re talking to me on how bad it’s for workers and enviroment. Look at yourself dipshit. 9) Again just like 1) just especially when person1 brings up how vegans are two faced assholes for buying food made by workers in poorer countries and then person2 joining in saying how bad it’s for enviroment, economy etc. and then…suddenly….can’t read when saying that over 2/3 of those foods goes to farm animals industry smth and not pretentious wuite vegans like me smth. 10) No, jokes about vegans doesn’t really phase me except when those jokes for some reason turn into debates because I was unphased and it turns out the person wanted to get me angry or some other shit. 11) Yes, people showing right into my face meat phase me. I’m making this post because of my sister who literally showed a piece of meat in my face, touching my face : ))))) but sure I’m annoying for talking and giving the facts after getting provoked. 12) I can eat so much and gain no weight nor lose any lmao but my family only now calling me anorexic. Cool. I experienced an eating disorder for couple of years but now when my weight and bmi is so average and normal I’m…..anorexic…..like……what 13) Acne whomst???? (except stress (((not really an acne I have other things like scratching and picking up any scab or bump that exist))) and period acne lol those exist but not as severe as before too so jot that down @ asshole who asked me how I got rid of acne and then started dumb ass debates with me like binch did i even ask your opinion. 14) People who were vegetarians telling me it’s just a phase while dismissing the fact that I’m doing this for my health and not because it’s trendy or some other shit they did which is easiest thing on earth to do. 15) People brining up plant allergies. Barbara, you just avoid it just like I avoid dairy because surprise I can’t digest certain plants too dairy too and I live. 16) The amount of people whining about bowel movements or cramps after consuming a dairy product tho. 17) No meds healed my gastrointestinal reflux disorder or how’s that called in english as this “diet”. 18) I’m less fatigue. I almost never get 'food coma’. 19) Seriously tho the amount of dumbass people ignoring what I have to say while listening to their half assed opinions. It’s so annoying. 20) My relatives used to boil or bake potatoes, rice, make more various salads before I went vegan. Now I go there with my own brought food and just….what the hell. Why are they eating only meats when it’s some family gathering, they laugh at me for 'you probably don’t eat anything’ no uncle, you decided instead of potatoes to get more meat which you won’t even eat and salads will be eaten in next 2h and nome of you will feel good the next morning. 21) My mother who has wheat allergy, lactose intolerant ((my wholy family and almost all relatives except one I think (i can’t remember if it was one or two) has lactose intolerance)), consumes more alcohol than should is constantly lecturing me on health…..no mother shut the fuck up. Every choice you’ve made in life was bad and I don’t even want to see your face. 22) My stepfather has literally same problems with stomach as me and he’s a fucking butcher. 23) Waiting until my aunt will stop giving her kid dairy because she for past year is whining how the kid is experiencing probably every health problem that is caused by dairy after the kid was old enough to stop digesting lactose naturally (after certain age babies stop doing that but ppl I’m whining on this post ignore that fact lol like only few 'lucky’ ones can still do that). Like….I’m waiting…..my aunt can’t digest dairy as well but I guess she knows better and let her child get sick. 24) The amount of ppl not understanding my “I don’t eat any animal byproduct.” and asking “What about fish?” ….like i thought it was basic to know what is an animal but i guess not. Like I don’t even say word 'vegan’ cause ppl here has no idea what is the difference between vegetarian(usually a diet person or trendy person but not always of course and even as a trend idc why tbh) and vegan (lifestyle not a diet). 25) “I hate when people do it because it’s trendy.” Like….your point is? 26) Vegans who are racist, anti-semitic (Kat Von D for example) are literal devils. 27) No, I don’t eat raw vegan diet that’s dumbest shit a vegan can do and yet people ask me if I’m like that. 28) People haven’t probably heard of seasonal fruits and vegetables and insist I’m some pretentious fuckface who eats like 8 bananas a day and avocados (spoilers: I don’t even like avocados and I probably eat one banana per week like I used to before I was vegan). 29) The amount of people not even listening to me when they start the dabates tho. I know I’m repeating myself but just….dumb as shit. Like why even start anything if it’s only opinions and no facts. 30) PersonA getting angry at me for telling that maybe when they heard on tv is not right and maybe I did my research, maybe I do see and voice my own thoughs and opinions when other vegans base their shit on pseudoscience but oh no if I say something that doesn’t support a person’s A option then oh no I’m biased and know nothing. Let’s get angry. 31) My family calling me anotexic and assuming it’s because I’m vegan now even though I lost that weight before is just sad. Literally a year ago I was the same weight as right now and I was not vegan. My family don’t even knowing that there are more eating disorders than anorexia is also sad. Also me having an eating disorder since 8th grade didn’t cause because apparently I was overweight (not sure if it’s scientific but ony my biology teacher in 12th grade after some conference told that sometimes you might have a severe eating disorder but your body just will hold onto that fat and other stuff and you will not look like it but you still can have an eating disorder). UghhhhhUUGGGHHHH just seriously my family just why so 'caring’ for my health. I want to literally punch them in the face every single time they bring any health related shit up to me. They literally can’t digest dairy, have other allergies and talk to me about health like shut thenfu k upppp I don’t want my intestines to fall apart because of my diet before going vegan what the fuck. I had years to take meds that didn’t help me, I still of course can’t digest certain plants just as before (lmao repeating myself). Literally switching the meat to soya or lentils is not any more expensive than meats that I surprise can’t fucking digest. My mother, aunt all of relatives told me how since I was a baby I had eating and digestion problems but once I went vegan and it all went away somehow I’m leas healthy???? likemmmmm kay seems fake but okay. 32) Also if I tell ppl about my family basically shitting on me maybe be a friend and don't talk how vegans are annoying. It feels like a slap sinceI just tell about my famiy doing dumbass ahit and you don't listen and just that....like....how old are you and do you know what is 'supporting' your friend.

tldr: Since going vegan almost all health issues/symptoms I had since baby went away since going vegan and no meds helped me that much. People suddenly became dieticians/health experts. People telling me how expensive and pretentious I am but ignores what I have to say about that. My relatives can’t digest dairy, but insist that my 'diet’ is unhealthy FOR THEM. My relatives makes less plant based dishes for some reason Hmmmm i wonder why. People get defensive why THEY can’t go vegan when I didn’t even ask. Have strong opinions which apparently are more important than my research, my own opinion and experiences. Family members telling me I’m unhealthy and anotexic while I’m finally almost got rid of my eating disorder while finally being completely average weight.

'tldr’ is tldr: people(my fam) are dumb and should shut the fuck up about veganism around me I don’t even start shit and they don’t know anything.

[cloudcreates]

i saw only a few draws of yanya but i want to know more about him :

kicks the door in WELL my friend ur in LUCK bc i have a LOT of shit abt yanya to talk abt

let’s kick it off with his backstory SHALL WE

so ! yanyas a lil kitsune boi raised in a little village in the outskirts of karnosea on famia, we dont have a name for it yet its not important w/e ANYWAY

he was BORN in a bigger town in central karnosea which i also dont have a name for but its also not important, what IS important is that he was a happy lil gremlin for most of his little babby years until he hit about elementary school where all the other kids’ parents started teaching them to be racist towards orcs and kitsunes and lizardfolk n shit! so they started being little shits towards him. which made him not like being in fox shape around them anymore. or in general.

so when his mums, shiranuit, a kitsune barbarian, and resnerina, a half-orc witch, were like “fuck that shit,” they moved away to that much smaller settlement, made up almost Entirely of rarer races like catfolk and wyvaran, and also orcs and ogres and stuff yea

and things were p alright! yanyas mums love him Very Much ok i love them and i love him and they all love each other. shiranuit works as a weaponsmith, and resnerina works as a luthier. so when u mashed their work together, u got yanya, a skald, or Basically a rage bard, who makes all his weapons and instruments, bc he makes his weapons into instruments, and vice versa.

his first weapon in game was a heavy mace that doubled as a guitar! it was crafted from metal ofc but its body was in the shape of a cow skull bc that shit’s metal. on one side was the guitar all strung up, and on the other he’d flip it around and it’s just Covered in spikes for him to beat the shit out of whatever 8)c

he uses his music to express himself. even with cure and mending magic, destroying things and lashing out and being aggressive all the time doesn’t make him feel good, so he’ll usually just turn to screaming out some sick tunes instead. his music’s very important to him.

moving back to early life however! he moved on through school pretty easy. i mean. not Entirely too easily bc the boy’s dumb as a brick so w/e he just. he didnt flunk out at the very least ok Cs get degrees anyway

and when he was abt.. 16, 17, he met ash!  his first..and Only girly friend who’s also a kitsune, and a gunslinger! between the two of them, she’s kind of.. the ‘brains’ but. even then she’s not like, super smart. it’s just.. not hard to be smarter than yanya w/ that sweet 7 WIS and 10 INT score lmfao. she’s plenty clever tho!

around this time yanya and ash didn’t go to school, they travelled around their local part of karnosea causing a little trouble here and there bc well. they’re of chaotic alignment. however! chaotic good alignment, so they really only gave hell to..racists 8) .. bc fuck em

the thing is though, while yanya had two mums that loved him a lot, ash didn’t. she had one mum that sucked a bunch and constantly berated her, and yanya knew, it was partially why they spent so much time just carting around wildly, having fun, bc yanya knew she deserved better!

as a side note, karnosea is neighboring artorias, which is the Big Capital of famia, where Queen Azaroa has opened a bard college! probably the best and most chattered abt all over the world tbh. you can bet yanya’s heard of it by now, being as musically inclined as he is, and has always sort of dreamed of going there.. but shit, he and his fam ain’t making that kind of money, lmfao

but! it just so happens, as rumors say, there’s a new scholarship surfacing, offered specifically to members of more. rare races, such as kitsunes! yanya can’t lie about his interest being piqued..

but the thing was, from 16 going on 18, he was sort of perfectly happy and content just travelling around like a rascal with ash, because they were best friends!! and having fun!! and without yanya, he thought ash would be all alone with her fuckin mean ass mum!! he didn’t want that, and also that bard college is probably overrated anyway, whatever..

ash’s mum isn’t having any of it, wtf ash is happy??  

the second ash and yanya get back home from whatever little bout of travel they were on, ash’s mum goes on a tirade at ash about how she’s dragging yanya down and holding him back, how she’s not good enough for him, etc.. so ash panics, because she knows he isn’t going to leave her unless she makes him never wanna see her again.

so! that same day, ash tells yanya about. how she’s been cheating on him the whole time. laughs in his face. tells him he should’ve expected it, kitsunes are known for being tricksters, liars after all!

he’s heartbroken.. so he leaves for artorias in a shocked daze probably not a full 12 hr later 

and he gets accepted to the college!

ofc being kinda poor and rough around the edges, it’s not without it’s fair share of. snooty ass rich kids being assholes, which is whatever. turns out tho, some of those rich kids are from karnosea! so because yanyas as subtle as an airhorn, rumors about him not being human spread. guess who gets to deal with racist school peers all over again! yaaaay

it’s not totally bleak, though. at college yanya met jonavahn, neyla, pazzoch, and a bunch of the other rare-race scholarship kids and they all form their own little nestled group of friends :’>

soo because yanya’s fuckin shit at like, learning, he like, does kind of piss poor in all the actual study-centric classes lmfao. but! he’s fantastic at the physical side of things–he excels with playing instruments and melee fighting, because it’s less read-a-book-and-study and more muscle memory and physical training and practice, ofc. he just barely graduated bc getting half amazing grades and half shitty grades only balances out to so much, but dAMMIT HE DID IT

so when he graduates, he goes back home for a little bit. im sure while he was at college, he managed to visit his mums back at karnosea for a little bit on breaks, but. just the idea of going back to karnosea, just knowing that. it’s where ash was. it made it a lot harder in practice than it was in theory for him lmfao.

but being back home, getting to see him mums again! it makes him really happy! because his mums love him a lot !!! and love and support him a shit ton!! they’re so proud! look at their son that graduated from the artorian queen’s bard college! holy shit!!

yanya realizes sometimes that he takes his mums for granted.. they’ve always been there to makes him feel like everything’s ok. and they do a damn good job of it! 

 a fun fact! lershe, my old incompetence quest 1 character, is a half-orc monk–by the end of iq1, he became a lycanthrope (this was in dnd 3.5, so monks could still get infected by lycanthropy), and also a lvl 30 minor deity lmfao

lershe was separated from his dad, who was raising him on his own, at a v young age. at the end of iq1, lershe sought him out, found him again, and found out that he’d started a new family with a new wife! and tbh lershe met his mum in iq1 he could not be happier for his dad lmfao. but they have a daughter! so lershe has a little half-sister! and that little half-sister is resnerina!

because lycanthropes and kitsunes share a sort of similar ability in changing shape ya kno yeah, when yanya was a little kid, lershe was still “alive” as a mortal half-orc (lershe put off accepting that he was an immortal deity for a long time) and. was a big inspiration for yanya, naturally. these kids and people were giving him shit for being able to change shape into something that resembled an animal, but his uncle lershe can do it to, and HE’S a god!! so whatever!!

anyway so iq2 started off by all the characters running into each other in a little town in karnosea and some shit abt a cave off the outskirts of town getting ransacked by mercenaries or smth, idr

a little before then our DM said txeru and yanya were going to enter town together, and aria and karrina were going to enter town together, and we could come up w/ whatever reason why they’d end up together so txeru and yanya met first actually, just outside on town in a little tavern where they. probably got into a little scuffle just bc bar fights are fun. who cares. its fine. 

its ironic bc right now, in game, txeru and yanya are fucking pissed at each other! and its great. the drama is clearing my skin. my crops are prospering. 

basically txeru is a kasatha, an alien race not native to famia, and he’s come to famia trying to hide from two .. sort of alien police that’re after him for all the petty crimes he’s done. thing is, these two Very Specific alien cops are after him because. he kinda. was romantically involved with Both of them, one being his partner in crime and the other being of kasathan royalty–when he was backed into a corner and about to get caught he kind of ditched his partner and left the noble out high and dry so they’re both PISSED at him

they recently made their way to famia and found txeru, and after we TURNED TAIL AND RAN THE FUCK OFF from them, txeru explained his story

having his heart fucking shattered by ash, yanya kinda wasn’t super happy to find out txeru was a heart-shattering asshole himself! 

so he DECKED HIM IN THE FACE and hadn’t spoken a kind word to him in like, a week

NOW they’re talking, it’s just. every word they say to each other is some variant of “fuck you” and atm we’re waiting for a boiling point to hit to see if they’ll kiss and make up or if they’re just gonna have to hate each other! 8) im so excited

meanwhile this entire time, we’re level 10 right now. so half way to the capstone level 20. 

yanya still hasn’t formally revealed that he’s a kitsune to anyone in the group. but! as i said. the boy’s subtle as a brick thrown through a window. he’s slipped up enough times in his human disguise for just about everyone in the party to catch just a little something being off about him, but since most of the party is from artorias, away from the rarer races of karnosea, not everyone knows what a kitsune is

BUT we HAVE met a kitsune in game! madame fouxy (blame my dm for that name), but even then she only shifted from an actual fox shape to anthro fox shape, not to human shape. so they’re still unaware that kitsunes can even do that atm, meaning yanya’s ruse is hanging on by a thread lmfao

he’d just come out and say it bc he’s well aware everyone’s probably seen through him by now, but. it’s suppose to be a secret. knowing that everyone knows doesn’t make him wanna tell it, it makes him wanna convince everyone they’re wrong, even though they’re right, and he doesn’t like lying ,and if everyone’s already figured it out already, then he’s not doing a good job at keeping his own damn secrets, which freaks him out, and… etc

yanya’s favorite colors are red and blue, his favorite food is smoked rabbit, he’s 6′2″ flat on his heels in human shape, but he’s wearing stilettos bc he’s use to toe walking in fox-shape, which usually puts him up to about 6′4″, 6′5″..

he’s got a shit ton of muscle, and he eats a lot to keep up his energy! so he has his fair share of fat w a soft belly. he weighs probably anywhere from 250-300 bc im not good w weights lmfao

he has a total of.. 14 piercings, four on each ear, one on each eyebrow, two on his lips, one on his nose, and one on his tongue, almost all of which he got at the bard college lmfaoo

atm at level 10, he has 5 tails! only one spell-like ability from them, however, which is disguise self. 

he knows how to sew!

he has a fear of mirrors and heights.

it’s less a ‘fear’ and more. he doesn’t like looking at himself in the mirror, practically can’t stand it when he’s in human shape. seeing his human face all he can think is “liar, liar, liar” because that’s not his ‘real’ face. seeing his fox face he’s only reminded how much fewer people would rather see him this way. if he has to, he’ll much prefer looking at his fox face, however.

AND I THINK..THAT MAY JUST COVER IT..if it’s not everything it’s Pretty close, and if i come up w anything new ur probably gonna see me draw it at some point LMFAO

[glass-ladybug]

all the exposition of the vamp au

Sophomore year /sucked/. Everyone was on Mae to 'make plans', 'grow up', and 'turn in her assignments on time'. Whatever. That was utter bullcrap. School didn't hold any interest for her anymore, and she couldn't really remember a time when it had. Well, first-grade was pretty nice. Macaroni art pictures and all that. Everyone being friends, and that one kid who ate a leaf and got sick. Ahh, yeah. Good memories. Mae pondered on the thought for a moment. Maybe school would be better with more friends? Well she had Lori M., ((is ., right?))of course. And Selmers! Always Selmers. But, Lori was eleven-turning twelve in February, as she liked to remind Mae- and all Mae did with Selmers was write awful ((CHANGE MAYBE?)) poems. Yeah, they hung out, but they weren't really... BFF's or anything. Who /cared/ if she put in effort, anyway? She didn't. Yeah, her mom and dad wanted her to go to college, but for what? What was the point? There wasn't anything she wanted to do. No job that called out to her, no big dream to live up to. Just Possum Springs. Mae shoved her beat up text books into her locker, leaving it open behind her as she walked away. Thinking was a chore. School was a chore. Anything other than eating and sleeping was a /chore/. She hefted her bag onto her hip, dragging her feet behind her. Science class was up next. Well, Mr. Chazokov had taken to calling her his 'best worst student', so, even though she hated the class, she had /that/ accomplishment to dwell on. Absently clutching her bag, Mae flung open the door to come face to face with a girl. Dark hair, dark eyes, and a rather frightening expression. Mae looked at her, tilting her head slightly as she studied the girl's face. What was her name? Bella? Brooke? Breanna? Something to that extent. The girl scowled at her impatiently, as if expecting something. Ah! Wait! /Bea/. The girl spoke through gritted teeth. "Are you gonna get out of the way or not?" "Huh? I-, wait, uh-" Mae's muddled brain foggily rose to attention as it attempted to comprehend the words, only dimly processing the situation. Bea pushed past her roughly, her shoulder jabbing Mae in the arm as she disappeared down the hallway at a brisk pace. Mae, still unable to focus on the world around her, took a hesitant step into the classroom, nearly sinking into her chair as she tossed her backpack to the floor. Mr. Chazokov ran a hand through his rapidly graying hair, before giving an audible sigh. He spoke calmly, but the underlying tension was obvious to everyone but Mae. "Beatrice has just received some.... unfortunate news. She likely has no ill will towards you, Miss Borowski, so I hope you do not hold a grudge." Mae nodded vaguely, indifferent to the world around her. Everything was gray. Gray, gray, gray, like the color of the sky on a rainy day, the flash of steel on a knife, and the bitter look in Beatrice's eyes. She didn't like the gray. Mr. Chazokov rattled on, using a marker to illustrate the topic, and point at the important parts. Mae found herself focusing on his lips as she tried to decipher the slew of words he was spewing. All the sound in the room faded to a dull pulse, beating loudly in her head. It pounded on, and Mae's eyes began to slip out of focus as all the objects around her took the form of shattered glass, fragments of what were once people, or chairs, or desks becoming itty bitty particles. Everything around her was inhuman, and terrifying. A heap of broken parts. Mae was alone. Alone with the shapes. The smashing in her head increased in volume, and it took all of her draining willpower to not scream. How did the masses of shapes not react? Why weren't they in pain like she was? Wait. A /new/ noise had joined in. Mae lifted her head from her hands slowly, her knuckles turning white from the stress, bursts of agonizing pain exploding in her head. The noise was gibberish, but felt oddly familiar. Every sound was muffled, as if she'd been shoved underwater and held down. Mae's body crumpled under the assault of noise and shapes. /Mae/. The sound whispered. /Mae./ She didn't respond. She didn't have the energy to. /Mae./ The voice increased in volume, and bits and pieces of the shapes flung together, almost forming a tangible object. "Mae!" The voice yelled, and Mae blinked widely to see the concerned face of.... Selmers? The racket had dulled to a faint pulsing, like that of a heartbeat. Selmers put a hand on Mae's shoulder, clearly uncomfortable. "Alright, uhh, shit. Do you know what happened?" Mae gave a blank stare in response. Selmers shifted slightly, her heavy lidded eyes filled with concern as she stared at her friend. Mae felt limp, and drained. "Okay, apparently not. Think you can stand?" Mae cocked her head to the right, fumbling to find the words that sat dully on her tongue. "You... You're not in this class?" At least Mae didn't think she was. She couldn't really remember right now. Selmers sighed, breathing though her nose. "No, sweetie, I'm not. C'mon, stand up." Her voice was strained, and overly patient. Mae wondered if she'd done something wrong. Selmers lifted her by the arm, holding the dazed girl to her side. Mr. Chazokov held up a hand. "Girls, wai-" Selmers quirked an eyebrow slightly. "She needs help. We'll be back. Or we might not be. I'll let you know." Obviously not wanting to fight out the situation with the bulky, stubborn girl, Mr. Chazokov relented, waving them out the door. "Get well soon?" A kid in the back feebly offered, his voice wavering with confusion. --------- "So." Selmers said, her legs kicked up on the plush chair Mae was lying in. "Did I scream?" Mae asked, scooting forward. "Yeah, a little bit. I only came in at the end, so I dunno." "Oh. Cool. Why were you in there?" "Turning stuff in." "Oh." Mae leaned back, sinking into the plump cushions. "How's your head?" "Eh. Could be worse." Mae glanced around the nurse's office, the vibrating in her head a constant force. The room smelled distinctly of disinfectant and lemon pledge, the lights far too bright against the chipped white walls. It consisted of a refrigerator with a few ice packs, the torn and frayed leather chair Mae was sitting in, and garish 'Get-Well-Soon' posters lining the walls. Budget-cuts. Possum Springs didn't have a whole lot of money, but hey, at least the football team had /brand-new uniforms/! Mae wanted to kick the ass of every council member. "Then again," Mae said, "it could definitely be better." "Would a poem help?" "I dunno, man. Sure." Selmers cleared her throat, and began to recite from her notebook. ((IDK throw a poem here when u think of one. sunrise vs sunset or smth)) "Niiiice." Stretching, Selmers lifted herself up. "You should go home." The buzzing noise decreased in volume, and Mae closed her eyes. "Yeah. Probably." Selmers wavered, walking out the door hesitantly. "I'll see you tomorrow." Mae shut her eyes a little more forcefully. "See ya, Selma." And with that, Mae was left alone in the decrepit, sorry excuse for a room. ---------- "Mom, really. I'm /fine/." Mae groaned, tossing her bag to the side. Mae's mother looked harrowed, pursing her lips. "Sweetie, I know high school is difficult to get used to-" Mae shot her an irritated glance. "I was just feeling sick. It's, like, a 24-hour bug or something. I'm all better now, see?" She stood up a little straighter, plastering on a false smile in order to placate her mother's fears. Being back home had lessened the potency of the noise- after a few hours, it was nearly unnoticeable, yet she was still a bit shaken. The attacks had occurred before, but this was the most severe of them all. Whoever had chosen to call them 'attacks' should be given a medal. That's exactly what they were: attacks. A war inside her head, where her both parts were violently beating each other. Some days it was hard to tell who was winning. That still didn't mean she wanted to be stuck inside, though. "I'm gonna go hang at the library. Get some stuff done." She wasn't. Mae had the full intention of sitting up on some poor sap's roof, and flinging stones at passing cars and bikes. Fighting a losing battle, Mrs. Borowski set a plate down at the table. "Alright, hon. I'll drop you off. It's too cold to walk." "Mom, you don't-" Mae's mother leveled a stare at her daughter, before grabbing her car keys off the table. Sighing audibly, Mae obliged to follow. She could just walk somewhere, anyways. ---- Possum Springs' weather was cool, and crisp. Late November was filled with crisp leaves, the prickling of cold wind, and the foreboding knowledge that there would soon be frost on the ground. The Historical Society building loomed over the boxy little houses of the town, built with crumbling brick and mortar, weathered with age. Its roof had become a nesting place for crows, and its three floors held shelves upon shelves of dusty books. Mae trudged up the stairs, grunting as she yanked open the bulky wooden doors that led into the library. The inside of the library felt as if it was under a spell. The entire room was swathed in a deep blue light, columns and walls painted with constellations and stars, giving the area an ethereal feeling, like a dream. A plump man sat at the counter, fiddling with a stack of library cards. "Anything I can help you with?" "Just looking." Mae's eyes drifted over the selections of books, wondering why she'd come in anyway. Suddenly, the heavy oaken doors flew open forcefully, and a gust of wind fluttered the papers on the secretary's desk. A tiny figure, scrawny and small burst through the entranceway. The man gave out a rather forceful glare. Lori M. gasped, shocked, and guiltily sprinted to Mae's side, making her footfalls as light as possible to avoid further attention. "Hi -huff**huff*-Mae!" She whispered, exuding excitement. The eleven year old's mousy brown hair bounced in a fluffy flurry around her, and she tucked the dull strands behind her ear. The kid was bundled up, wrapped in a downy maroon sweatshirt and scarf. "Hey. Outta class already?" Lori looked at Mae quizzically, tilting her head. "It's 4 pm, Mae." "Ah. Right. So, what are you here for?" "Need a book for school. Also, your mom said you were here!" She beamed widely. "Cool, cool. What are you gonna get?" Lori's eyes illuminated happily, and she latched on to Mae's arm. "You already know." Lori was right. Mae probably did know. The kid was an aspiring horror movie director, and could pull off an excellent blood-curdling shriek, as she had demonstrated many times before. Odds were she was picking out a book on fake blood, or something. Lori pulled the older girl down a series of twists and turns, maneuvering her way between shelves as she came to a stop in front of a dilapidated array of books, each worn and musty to a varying degree. Lori knelt down, patting the spot next to her on the carpet. "These are my favorites. The Witch Trials of Salem, the History of Horror, Dracula..." "Are these, like, the Harfest reject books?" "Oh, /ha-ha ./ They're classic literature!" "Whatever, kid." Lori affectionately traced a finger over one's cover, musing through her selection. "Why don't you get something?" "I'm not that big of a reader." Lori looked aghast. "But it's /horror/! How can you /not/ want to read books abut gore and dead people?" "...Good point." Mae sat down next to her friend, scanning the variety of aging books, most of them in poor condition. It didn't look they'd be cleaned or taken care of in several years. They must not have gotten checked out very often. Lori seemed happy with her selection, entitled: 'Frankenstein: Man, not Monster'. Mae ran her hands across the books, before, suddenly, her fingers met empty space. Where another book should've been, there was a thin, tight gap between the last book and the woodwork. "There's something.... missing." Lori frowned, not looking up from her book. "Well, it's a library. People are allowed to check things out." Mae nodded uncertainly, pushing her fingers gently into the dark space. "Yeah, I guess." In the tiny, cramped gap between the books and the wall, Mae's fingers brushed against something. Between the slats of wood, there was a hollow only slightly bigger than her hand, as if someone had just scooped out the wood, leaving an indent several inches deep. Shoving the books beside her against the opposite wall, she wedged her hand in further, searching for whatever it was the space held. Her fingertips met a flat surface, cracked, and papery. Mae groped around in an attempt to pull it out. It didn't budge. "Lori," She said tenatively, "help me get this out of here." Hesitantly, the girl pulled her eyes away from the printed pages. "Get what-" Mae grabbed a few books, tossing them to Lori. "Here." She continued to yank away stacks without care, and Lori nervously fought to organize them. "Uhhh, Mae, *huff**huff, can we really-" "Got it!" Mae murmured happily, dislodging the object from the books and wood, pulling it onto her lap. "It's a book..." Lori sighed wearily. "A /hidden/ book!" Mae protested. Inside, she felt a little disappointed. The stout, withered old book was unassuming, its cover bound in old, hardened leather, and any type that may have once embellished it had long worn away. She flipped it over. "There's no barcode. Do you think I can check it out?" Lori shifted from side to side. "Uhh. Maybe?" Mae had a feeling that whoever had stuffed the book back there probably didn't want it found, though why they hadn't hidden it better was beyond her. She figured that if taken to the front desk, she'd never see the it again. So she tucked the book under her jacket, nestling it against her side. "Sorry for ruining your shelf." "Oh. Uh. It's okay?" Lori said, tenderly sliding the books back into position. "See ya tomorrow." Mae said guiltily. "See ya!" Lori smiled. Mae stood up, making sure to clamp the little book to her side as she surreptitiously walked out of the building, and into the cold afternoon. --------------

[deadgwen]

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias  @jiilys  MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU. 

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE 

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N  G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”  

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE 

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH. 

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die  we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM  LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but. 

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT 

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME 

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE 

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON  BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME 

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED* 

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*