#like wow i’ve cried over this series how many times because of it’s themes and characters. and it’s about a. children’s card game.

[high-functioning-lokipath]

Star Trek - Spock x Reader - Love Story - Words: 1,129

BIG IMPORTANT A/N:

Love Story (1970) is a VERY VERY VERY sad (but very beautiful) movie. I WOULD suggest to watch it but remember...sad...

If you haven't seen it, here's the summary just so you can understand my story:

Preppy College Guy (Oliver) falls in love with Bookish College Girl (Jenny)

She falls in love with him because, WOW! He's not as much a jerk as she thought.

Their parents don't approve, yada yada, you get that part of the story. Mildly cliche, don't care.

They get married, get jobs, get apartment, want kids, and then everything goes downhill. (I'm not gonna spoil too much...you probably will get the idea)

Jenny has this expression "Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Really sweet, moral of the story type thing.

Let's just leave it at there is no happily ever after and also that the movie score (theme song?) is amazing, anyway... enjoy the story 😄😄 And as always, this should be generally series-neutral lol Should work with AOS or TOS 👍👍🤗🤗

You grabbed a bowl of popcorn out of the replicator and sat down on the sofa in yours and Spock's quarters. Spock wouldn't be off his shift for another 2 hours and you decided to watch a sappy old Earth movie called Love Story while he was out. Your shift had been long and stressful and you felt like a good emotional movie to relax. Just as it finished loading up on the screen, the doors opened and Spock walked in.

"You're home early!" You said getting up to greet him. You gave him a quick peck on the cheek which he returned with a soft stroke of his hand to yours.

"The Captain said I looked tired and needed rest. He gave me tomorrow off as well."

"Well that's perfect! Maybe we can finally have that picnic on Observation Deck 6 we've been planning for the past few months. Let me see if it's open tomorrow."

"Yes, that would be nice," Spock said quietly. You looked at him oddly but he didn't make eye contact. "I think I will take a shower before we eat dinner. Is that alright?"

"Of course, Spock!" You replied happily. "I didn't have anything homemade today. Sorry about that," You said. "I was thinking I could make our picnic lunch myself, though. The reservation book says Observation Deck 6 is open tomorrow."

"That would be most pleasant," He said. If you didn't know any better, you'd say his voice sounded sad. But he never let that happen, did he?

"If it's ok with you, love, I'd like to start watching my movie while you're in the shower. It's," you paused, slightly embarrassed. "It's kinda sappy so I don't think you'd like it but-"

"I would not mind viewing it with you, ashayam, if it makes you happy."

"It's a really emotional movie, Spock. I'll probably cry about the ending."

"So it is a sad movie?"

"Yes, I cried last time I watched it."

"And you want to watch it again."

"Yes." One perfectly pointed eyebrow rose up in confusion.

"Then perhaps I should watch it with you in an effort to understand human emotion and behavior better." You chuckled lightly and shook your head.

"Ok, silly, we'll watch it together. Now go take your shower and let me finish making our plans for tomorrow. I'll get our dinner started in the replicators and it'll be ready by the time you come out, hm?"

"Alright," He said. Again, though, as he went to the bedroom, he looked upset.

"Is something on your mind, Spock?"

"Nothing to worry you, Y/N," He replied. You smiled but weren't convinced that he was being entirely truthful. Once he was done showering, you both grabbed your dinner and sat on the sofa together to watch Love Story.

A couple hours later the movie finished and you, of course, were sniffling slightly. As the closing credits began appearing on screen you wiped your eyes and looked up at Spock who had an oddly unreadable expression. "Sorry, I just," You sighed. "I really like that movie but it's so sad. I wish I could rewrite the ending."

"You have said that about many movies," He noted. You nodded. "And have you not attempted to 'fix' them, as you say, with your stories?"

"Yes," You nodded, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "But this story is too beautiful. I could never write a better ending. Happier, yes. But it was so perfect. The musical score for the movie literally won an award the year it was released."

"But couldn't you rewrite the dialogue? Perhaps Oliver's father apologizes sooner and they're able to get treatment for Jenny?"

"Well, first of all, they didn't have treatments in those years, Mr. Spock," You smirked. You found it quite adorable that he was apparently trying his hand at fanfiction. Or at least coming up with headcanons. "Second, the point was that 'love means never having to say you're sorry.' Oliver's father wouldn't have understood that as well had the story not progressed as it did." That sad look passed over Spock's face again. "Spock, what's wrong? You keep getting this sad look. Guilty? Upset? Something! I don't know what it is but please tell me what's wrong," You said. He held his hands in his lap and refused to make eye contact.

"I," He started to say. "What does it mean?"

"What does what mean?" You asked, quite confused.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

"Oh, well," You thought about it for a minute. "I guess I would say that when two people really love and care about each other, they find that they don't have to say 'I'm sorry' about every little thing. Sometimes they may not realize they're doing something annoying or sometimes it's just that the other person, while superficially upset, isn't really mad and they can reach an understanding without words. I don't know if any of that made sense, Spock. For Pete's sake, I don't even know if most humans understand it. But it's something we do."

"Many times, when I do something that I've calculated as the most logical course of action, you are upset."

"Well, logical isn't always obvious to us emotional type humans," you smiled. "But I understand eventually. You usually sit down and explain it to me over a cup of tea or a bowl of plomeek soup."

"But I do not apologize for upsetting you."

"Oh, I think I know what's wrong," You said, looking down at your own hands now. "Last week, the mission on Omicron Lira? You put yourself in harm's way, again, and missed our anniversary dinner." He nodded slightly. "Spock, you did apologize. You always do."

"How?"

"I just told you," You smiled, curling back up against his side on the couch. "You explain to me why you did everything, why it was logical, so that I can understand. It's your special way of apologizing to me."

"I see," Spock said thoughtfully. "So you are not upset at me?" He asked, finally looking at you.

"Not at all," You grinned.

"I'm glad." He let a small smile show and grabbed his PADD to find another movie to watch.

"That being said," You added with a smirk. "I still expect an 'I'm sorry' when you wake me up too early, throw away my food before I'm done with it, steal my blanket, steal my hat, take my chocolate," You paused suddenly. "Actually, don't apologize about the chocolate. You get the idea though."

"I believe I understand," He replied, an almost chuckle sneaking into his voice and laughter in his eyes. "In that case, I won't need to apologize for this," He said holding up two chocolate bars he had been hiding.

"Never."

Star Trek TOS/AOS Taglist

@bartv21

@another-crazy-fangirl

@startrekkingaroundasgard

Want to be added to our taglist? Let us know here by commenting on the linked post or just DM us!

MASTERLIST

[saessenach]

Hi! For the ask thing, top 5 missmungoe's fics and top 5 One Piece villains?

Love your art!

Hi, nonnie!!

I'm afraid it's been a minute since I've been up to date with One Piece, so both questions will be more or less based around @missmungoe and her incredible, swashbuckling Odyssey-retelling (although let's be real, Odysseus could never) honest-to-god multi-verse Shanties 😊

Top 5 OP Villains

1. Blackbeard (love him, love the parallels to Luffy and Shanks, love his ominous intro and the way he's thematically relevant to a T)

2. Akainu (love to hate him, he is terrible, I hope he gets w r e c k e d, and that whoever takes him down has a marvellous time while at it)

3. That one guy from Film Gold bc he was hella compelling and he had style, but I forget his name. He was extra gaudy and that wins points from me

4. Gold Lion Shiki (I think??? From Strong World, because the last few films have been really good - worldbuilding-wise and narratively speaking, and it's been fun to dip my toes back into the story without having to tackle several hundred chapters)

5. TBH I've only rewatched properly up until Arabasta, so the villains I have Opinions on are Arlong, Croc, Captain Kuro and mayyyybe Rob Lucci and his gang, but I have no idea what's happened with them since, if they've gotten their own arcs like Buggy, or whether we're friends with them or not, so I'll leave it at that.

(An honorary mention to the slavemonger Celestial Dragon from the latest chapter of Mnemosyne, because he was awful, incredibly well-written and made me want to hurl my phone against the wall)

(So now onto the fun part)

Top 5 missmungoe fics

1. Heed the Siren's Call and Sailor's Folly (technically cheating as they are separate stories, yes, but when I reread one, I also immediately reread the other, so imo, it's only fair. Siren was a favourite I first read years ago on ff.net while it was being written, and which I happened across again in 2017 on ao3, and it's never been the same!! When I say it's life-changing literature, I mean it, because how many stories can claim to grow up and change right alongside you? I just have a lot of love for it, and I am this 🤏 close to taking a bookbinding class and having my way with it)

2. Penelope (the amount of times I've read and reread this is truly embarrassing, and that number has more digits than I care to admit - but I am a sucker for weddings which tell tradition to f right off, tiny brides giving voice to their anger at the world and bridegrooms smitten straight out of their ugly ass sandals. This is my comfort read.)

3. Mnemosyne (is the herculean, show-stopping, incredible slow-burn of my dreams and just - wow, it literally takes Oda's worldbuilding and makes it immeasurably richer and better. If for nothing else, then read it for Hancock and her friendship to Makino, for the INTRICACY given to the Amazons, for the way it breathes life into every single place the cast visits, and ties in over-arching themes from canon with details so fucking brilliant, you just sort of stare dumbly at your screen because of course they should be there. There are so many different POVs, and so many intersecting threads that make up this huge-ass tapestry I am continuously in awe of, because it's not just the HEART-ACHE INDUCING marvel of a love story, it's the Red-Hair crew's shenanigans, and the Straw-Hats' incapacity to stay put, it's Rowan's adventure, it's Hancock and her people getting the quality writing they DESERVE, it's the ASL reunion which made me cry, and a found family which spans oceans and realms of existence and everything in-between)

4. Andromeda Unbound (the SWASHBUCKLING UNDERCOVER EXTRAVAGANZA! The one where everyone and their mother separately shows up to crash Shanks' execution, complete with narrow misses, over-the-top banquets, Leverage heist music and so many good reunions. A big, fat and incredibly Extra(tm) middle-finger to propriety and saintly lawful systems, and just, so much fun to read)

5. Time for the ties lol - I still can't believe the Unspeakable 30 year fic and the subsequent AU in which Shanks crashes Makino's wedding are a thing, but I just love that miniseries a lot. Somewhere on this spot are also Moon and Her Maiden (for being ridiculously atmospheric), Bind me to the Tide (uhh, the coolest and also most painful soulmate AU for them, with Makino being very much against her intended, Shanks dealing with period cramps from Hell and just overall being Very Good for my Heart) and, of course Peony and Silver (ROGER. Shakky sweeping Rayleigh off his feet. ROGER. More over-arching themes, as usual. Have I mentioned, perhaps, ROGER? Just to be safe.)

Oh, and an honourable mention for Charybdis as it single-handedly (😌) dragged me out of the biggest art-block I've ever had, and I've rarely cried this much when reading fic.

Hope these answers are satisfying, nonnie!! Thank you for the lovely compliment, and for giving me an opportunity to gush about one of my favourite series ♡

[maggiecheungs]

2020 ~everything~ wrap

i finally have time to do all of the tag games that people have tagged me in over the past month or so! i cannot for the life of me remember who tagged me in which one, so i’m just putting ~everything~ in one huge post. if i tag you anywhere then consider it a standing invitation to do whichever of these you haven’t done :) in fact, this is me issuing a standing invite to any of my followers who wants to do it :) also, thank you all!

Creator Wrap: Favourite Works

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

this collection of philosophy quotes paired with thai bl series, (and its sequel) which is possibly my favourite thing i’ve ever made. for, uh, nerd reasons.

these gifted text post memes i made still make me laugh sometimes

this fic about green from 2gether, which i wrote in the notes app on my phone and published the same day. not my absolute best writing but i am very fond of it <3

i have a bunch fof friend zone dangerous area edits/shitposts which i like, but i’m particularly fond of my fzda as satire headlines (which now has a sequel!)

i also love my crisgood-walmart-lesbian post. i might send it in to gmmtv to try and convince them to do a crisgood-bffs spin-off

+ bonus: since i wrote this list i made this gifset (my first ever!) of jennie panhan in the shipper and i love her too much not to include her on here

+ extra nerdy bonus: this niche meme about Chinese philosophy, which still makes me crack up whenever I think about it

Favourite Creators/Follow Forever

i’ve completely lost track of who’s following who from which blog, so this is just going to be a haphazard, non-exhaustive list of people who i adore/admire/am vaguely intimidated by, mutuality be damned. maybe we talk all the time! maybe we’ve never interacted! maybe i am constantly there in ur tags... lurking... 👀... but if you’re on this list you have made me smile at least once this year and i love you for that alone <3

@wjmild kylie!! you make gifs of arm & tay & lee (separately or in various combinations) & the shipper & and kapook & random fluke pusit cameos & school rangers so i don’t have to <3 ilysm

@janeramida vianey, you have such impeccable taste in general, but your sizzy gifset in particular is so gorgeous it lives in my mind rent free

@applelapis bri, this post was a callout and i want you to know that it haunts me at night as i lie awake staring at the ceiling :((((( i hope you are happy

@gigiesarocha cata, i love it when you show up on my dash bc you have!! such taste!! also, every time you gif gigie i gain five years of life <3 pls continue doing the Good Work

@pvrrish​ eleni, i remeber legit thinking that this was an official poster when i first saw it, it’s so beautiful

@ahysopae​ juliette your khaithird fic is so good and it literally changed the way i think about khai (not an easy feat)

@kurosawadachi angel, whenever i think about grace’s speech i remember your gifset and get literal chills

@doctorbahnjit alexa, you have no right to be as funny as you are. your friend zone edits give me life

@khaotungthanawat sam, you’re probably sick of getting tagged in these lists by random strangers, but i just had to bc your gifsets are Pure Art

@tanwirapong roa, all your gifsets are so ✨iconic✨

faiza @asianmelodrama and rahul @petekaos! yours were the first two thai drama blogs i followed and for ages i lowkey thought of you as my fandom parents.

and some more blogs that make me happy: @curlykytta / @lee-thanat  / @fck-inspector-m / @pangwave / @tichawongtipkanon / @tawanv @kimmonv (violet istg i have spent more time this year trying to figure out how many blogs you have than i have spent admiring your gifsets. & i spend a lot of time admiring your gifsets) / @taytawan / @1akorn and @yihwas (and your radiant lovechild @lakornladies ofc) / @teh-ohaew / @vihokratanas (mel your gifsets are just so gorgeous) / @tootiredtoosadtooangry / @headcompletelyempty / @demiromanticmickey​ / and there are definitely more but my brain is a sieve so apologies if i’ve forgotten anyone!! i love you all!! 

2020 HIGHLIGHTS ✨

rules: list your top 10 shows (bl or not) you watched in 2020 (doesn’t necessarily have to be shows that came out in 2020 though!)

1. 2GETHER & STILL2GETHER

my first thai drama, and even after all the amazing shows i’ve watched this year, it still has a special place in my heart. watching 2gether was the first time i’d ever seen a queer romcom that just... was. for me, by the simple fact of its being, 2gether was revolutionary. and then still2gether came along and took all the best things about the first season and gave us something beautiful and quiet and lovely and just proved to me, once and for all, that queer happiness doesn’t need to justify its own existence. there can be gay cuddles on the beach for no other reason than that we want them. 

2. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

i don’t really have the words for this one but. it makes my heart so very soft.

3. FRIEND ZONE 2: DANGEROUS AREA

season one was mindless fun because everyone was an absolute trashfire and it was hella cathartic to watch, but season 2... wow. i love it for so many reasons: it has messy and authentic queer rep; the characterisation is excellent and i somehow care about all of the characters; amazing women taking centre stage(!); a wlw relationship with lesbian, ace and bipolar rep; multiple interesting plotlines; actual character development; arm weerayut as a chaos gremlin... absolutely one of my favourites of 2020.

4. CHERRY MAGIC

i don’t think i need to explain this one, which is fortunate, because i have no idea how exactly i’d describe the happy-warm-fuzzy-queer-seen-loving-affirmed-profound feeling that rises in my chest whenever i think about it. 

5. THE GIFTED: GRADUATION

confession: i liked season 2 more than season 1 (with the exception of the ending, which we don’t talk about). season 1 was enjoyable and interesting, but for me it was season 2 which made me love this series. it did some incredibly interesting and complicated things (even if it didn’t quite nail the landing): it pushed characters to the breaking point and wove so many layers into the story and questioned its own underlying themes. plus, watching it alongside everyone in the fandom made it 200% better. i love all of you and i love this show. egg girl 5eva.

6. THE SHIPPER

i 100% understand why so many people didn’t like this show, or found it problematic, but through some fluke it absolutely worked for me (even the ending). one day i will write an essay explaining my rationale, but for now i’ll just say that it’s one of my favourite shows about adolescence and queerness and identity and compassion and friendship and love that i’ve ever watched. 

7. YYY

this series is absolutely off its rocker, and it somehow managed to be one of the most affirming shows i’ve watched. it shouldn’t have worked by it did, and i love it so much.

8. 3 WILL BE FREE

absolutely iconic. amazing plot, stunning visuals, great characters, canon polyamory, jennie being incredible... what a series.

9. MANNER OF DEATH

i love the fact that this show exists; i love the mix of crime and romance; i love maxtul’s acting; i love the central relationship; i love bun. i know we’re not even halfway through yet, but this show is doing something special and i’m so grateful that i get to watch it unfold in real time. 

10. CHIHAYAFURU (SEASON 3)

odd one out on my list, but I had to include it. chihayafuru is my all-time favourite anime and it finally got a third season, which is somehow even better than the first two. mashima taichi is one of my favourite characters of all time and his storyline hits me on such a profound level. plus, in the years since i first say this show i’ve fallen in love with classical japanese literature (particularly heian poetry) so i had newfound appreciation for the karuta matches (aka i cried every time someone recited one of my favourite poems)

other favourites: together with me, he’s coming to me, sotus and sotus s, my dear loser: edge of 17, why r u, theory of love, wake up chanee!, gameboys, pearl next door, uta koi (anime), three kingdoms (2010), blood and water (netflix). (itsay would almost certainly be on my list if i’d had time to watch it. same with dark blue kiss, which i had to pause so i could do my assignments)

Final Thoughts

well, it’s been... a year (i don’t think anyone needs a reminder of the details) but writing this post has reminded me of all the amazing shows and people I discovered over the course of it.

thank you to everyone for being so lovely and creative and funny and quirky and kind and passionate. you’re all incredibly awesome people and i wish all of you the very best xx

[oohfluffy]

TIHM Ch.1 | BBH

Group: EXO

Member: Byun Baekhyun

Theme: Angst | Fluff | Rated M | University!AU | Football!AU

Word Count: 1,750

chapter 1

"Have you watched the new series on Netflix?"

"Omg! Yes! The one with the hot guy?!"

"I just bought this new phone with three cameras on it, and it's just so cheap."

"Oh! I will buy five later."

"Five?"

"Yes, I'll give them as gifts."

"I'm so gonna break up with this guy. He's so boring!"

"The blondie is hotter than the raven-haired, girl! I told you, you should have slept with him instead!"

You internally groaned as you squint your eyes at your book, totally disturbed by the noise but was keeping it in. You looked up at your so-called new group of friends and sighed.

They were all having their own businesses with each other, buzzing non-stop like bees surrounding their honey.

And you?

Seated at the corner of the rectangular table, where an empty cup of iced mocha sat in front of your unmoving state. You gripped on your book, eyebrows twitching at the high-pitched voices of the girls.

"What the hell are you even wearing, girl? Is that a rag?" Irene squealed, tugging on Yeri's new skirt. She had her beautifully arched eyebrow raised in disgust, her lips in a disappointed straight line.

"Damn you. This is a new trend by my stylist!" The youngest argued as she slapped Irene's hand away, offended by the claim of the oldest.

"Leave our young one alone, Joo. She's growing!" Wendy chuckled as she nudged the sleeping Seulgi on her side. Joy laughed out loud as she watched Seulgi almost rolling down the couch in surprise.

You tsked silently as you closed your book, giving up on trying to read in peace with these girls. You stood up and looked over the noisy group, waiting for the right time to say goodbye.

"You bitch, I'm gonna kill you." Seulgi grunted as she tried to get up from the floor.

"As I was saying, he's not even worth the risk, you know?" Joy continued her story, glancing at Wendy, who listened eagerly. "My dad would have cut me off from the family if he heard I was dating him."

"I seriously don't know why you like these kinds of clothing." Irene shook her head as she looked over Yeri's clothing, who frowned at her.

You sighed in defeat, realizing that saying goodbye or not will only be useless and irrelevant to these people. You could be dead by now and they wouldn't know or care about it.

I mean, you're not even part of this group. You were just tugged in for a while and you thought you were.

"What were you even thinking?" You thought to yourself as you silently closed the door. "I shouldn't have gone here."

You greeted goodbye the househelpers of Irene before you went outside of her house. Thankfully, they were a lot friendlier than their master.

Maybe they were indeed friendly, but only with their group. Not everyone else.

Especially not you.

Why did you even try making friends? Didn't you learn from the past?

You looked around the street and slouched your shoulders in exhaustion.

You're gonna walk for about 3 kilometers to get back to the coffee shop near your apartment. Again. Why? They invite you, but you don't get to ride with them.

"Stupid." You mumbled at yourself, kicking small pebbles as you started walking.

Why do we always try to fit ourselves with people who obviously do not want to welcome us with open arms? Why force ourselves? Why do we become so desperate?

Is it fear that controls us or is it us wanting to control our fear?

You reached out for your best friend with a smile, and she smiled back.

"You know, school was boring. Same things happen everyday, and it's getting tiring." You complained to her, your hand caressing her head. She just stared at you with her twinkling eyes as she leaned on to your touch.

"The same pairs of eyes glaring at me. The same mouths laughing at me. The same hands pushing me down." Your lips trembled as you looked into her eyes. Her sincere eyes. "The same people who I trusted." You let out a humorless laugh as you looked up at the darkening sky.

"I'm getting tired." Your voice cracked as you pulled her closer to you, hugging her small furred body. "Poppy, I'm so tired of it." The 3-month-old golden retriever whined at your cries, as if she felt your pain.

"I'm hurting." You cried. "I'm hurting so so much."

You blinked your tears away as you stared at the old house in front of you. You smiled bitterly as you see the house that you used to love so much. The house that used to be so full of love. The house that watched you grow. The house that gave you warmth whenever you were cold.

Now it's just an old house with brittle wood, waiting to be destroyed.

It's been a two years since you left this house and went to live on the apartment near the university. It's a few blocks far from it, so you get to visit it once and awhile.

"I miss you." You whispered, your eyes drifting to the window where you usually watch the stars. "It's been awhile, huh? How are you guys?" You talked as if you were getting an answer. You must look like crazy, talking by yourself. "I'm good, you don't have to worry."

I've been alone for years, what is there to fear?

"Grandma." You smiled. "I'll get going."

She was your only family, and she was more than enough. She was your home.

Until she was gone.

—

"Where do you guys want to eat?" Seulgi excitedly asked as she picked her bag up from her table. Then they started chatting loudly as they went out of the room. The class buzzed as the professor went out after a short consultation.

You just continued packing your things, ignoring the noise irritating your ears. It was just the second day of school, but everyone's friends already.

Wow.

You always wonder if you were the only one who does not manage to make friends in a snap. Or  who is not fond of being plastic in front of other people in order to fit in.

"Hi! Do you want to come with us for lunch?"

You halted zipping your backpack for a second, eyebrows furrowing before realizing that...

that question is certainly not for you.

No one wanted you in their group, even just for lunch.

"Sure! I'm Heize, by the way."

You let out a breath, before wearing your bag and leaving the room.

The hallways were filled with people, conversing with each other. Talking about the upcoming football game of the seniors this Friday, about the newly opened resto across the main university building, and blah blah. You can't keep up with how every person here can talk along with a hundred of students in one enclosed area.

You managed to squeeze yourself into the sea of people, and rushed to the empty elevator. You quickly closed the doors before anyone could even follow. You hated being around with so much people. It wasn't just because you liked being alone, it was suffocating.

It was better when you were free.

You leaned your head on the elevator wall, watching as the red numbers increase as the ride ascends. Fortunately, everyone is having their lunch outside or at the canteen. No one should bother you at this period.  

The ting sound of the elevator indicated that you have arrived at your desired floor, the Composition Studies of Music Department. This building is under the Arts and Theatre department, which has been your safe haven for the past two years in the university. Every floor is aesthetically designed and suited for every course department, it is pleasing to relax in. Not everyone appreciates the look though, so here you are.

You stepped out of the elevator and smiled at the paintings outside of the studios and practice rooms. You haven't sneaked inside of the rooms as you settled for the soft carpeted floor near the staircase on the corner. It wasn't prohibited to be seen outside the corridors, but it was embarrassing. You cannot go inside the rooms without permission or if you don't have classes there, but it is the silence that you wanted here not anything else so it's fine out here.

"Hmm." You hummed as you sat on the carpeted floor, placing your bag on the side. You silently took out your lunch box from your bag as you looked around the empty 4th floor. You've been eating lunch here for numerous times, so no one would catch you, right?

With a short reassurance to yourself, you started eating your stir-fried noodles slowly.

"I think I should have added more soy sauce in this." You mumbled as you chewed on your food. You've been living by yourself for quite a long time, but still haven't grasped the cooking skills. But your food is edible, don't worry. "I should buy some later."

You were half-way finishing your food when you heard something coming from one of the rooms in the hallway. You munched on your lunch quick, almost panicking as you packed your lunch box back to your bag.

"Tonight I look into"

Your hands stopped packing as the first line of a familiar song rang through the hallway. The piano keys were played gently but with certainty, complementing the tone of the voice.

"The moon is so blue"

Your eyes drifted to the last door near the elevator, noticing the light under the door. Your mouth gaped in awe.

"You too lonely like me, living with empty heart"

You admit that you were not a fan of music, and you don't enjoy them that much. But hearing this introduction of a song, with that kind of voice, you were drawn to it. The high-pitch sounded so effortless as if the singer was merely breathing, and the melody of the instrument suited the smoothness of the voice.

"Lay down on empty room"

Instead of leaving, you found yourself sitting back down and leaning against the wall.

"It won't hurt to stay for a while." You bit your lip as you closed your eyes, just letting the voice take you to places.

"By these thoughts, those thoughts"

"Long, long sigh"

"Cigarette smoke"

"One more day has gone again"

It was more peaceful with that voice accompanying your loneliness.

♫ ♡ ♫ ♡ ♫ ♡ ♫ ♡ ♫

A/N:

ACKKK. I'm back.

I won't count how many months I went on hiatus, I would cry in guilt.

If anyone wants to know the song I used as an inspiration for the piano piece, it's "Moon of Seoul" by Kim Gun-mo. And if you're not informed, Baekhyun even showed off a glimpse in JYP Party People before (I placed the vid on the multimedia, you can check it out) and he even sung a full version in his IG live two years ago. You can search for it in Youtube. :))

I hope you look forward to this new series of mine! 

— 

♫ Ch. 2

[mogoona3000]

Irondad & Spiderson Extravaganza—Fanfic Author Appreciation Day Edition

In honor of Fanfic Author Appreciation Day, here’s the fic list that haunts me at night, that list I cannot stop reading even if I wanted to. There are a few more but this was going to run too long, so I’ll just add my AO3 bookmark link because wow. Everything I bookmarked deserves the look over. Promise.

Lights to Guide You Home - @jolinarjackson

This is that story I cannot stop reading, and I love it more each time I do. It introduces other characters from the MCU, and honestly, Jules can give the Russos a run for their money with the way storylines are connected here. It’s elegant and perfectly paced. It’s one of my favorites. I recommend the entire series wholeheartedly. 

What We Are - @yellowdistress

A sucker for biodad Mr. Stark = me. 

Guys. The very first chapter--the very first line in this story holds right at your PULSE. And it doesn’t let go, not until it wants to. Which is never. Precious Peter Parker is an UNDERSTATEMENT. You want some AU Stark boys going through their lives as best as they can? With your canon “chaotic & heart of gold” Tony, and “walking disaster & too pure for this world” Peter? This. This is it. The whole series. The whole thing. 

The Third Option - Uncertainty_Principle

My very first fic in this fandom and it was, indeed, the best start I could’ve possibly gotten. This AU is outstanding. Man, what a job well done. I have so much to say that I can’t even begin to express it all. This fic blew the door wide open for me. It’s..yeah. This is masterful. 

Hydra’s Not a Home - @tempestaurora

Ugh. There is something about biodad Tony that just fills my lungs with air. This entire series was so complete, so well done; it was fun, and witty, and hurtful and feelings were everywhere. Also, also..Pepper is everything and more in here, and I love when she’s heavily involved. And it’s done well. It makes me FLY. Needless to say..yes. So much yes. The entire series. The whole entire thing. A must read. A muuuuuust. Yes. 

Webcams and Webshooters - @losingmymindtonight

I’m trying very hard to keep my composure because THIS SERIES RIGHT HERE, MAN. WOW. These two chaotic messes are being ridiculous on Peter’s YouTube channel and it’s the funniest, the most enjoyable thing. Nothing short of the most loving and endearing clips until it punches you in the mouth, leaves you bleeding, and then patches you up. All at the same time. If you listen closely, you can still hear my love and tears over this. Goodness, this was outstanding. 

It’ll Be Over (And I’ll Still Be asking When) - @jbsforever

My heart. The jokes. The tears. The Bruce. The way this story is handled, the way Peter Parker..I just..And there is that one scene that I just go back to all the time, because y’all just write the coolest things, and my nerd tears are LOUD. Someone read this and geek out with me. Message me right after you’re done. RIGHT AFTER.

Reviving Peter Parker - @yellowdistress

Here’s what happened: I read this and it took me the h out. 

You know, some times we wish for things that we know cannot take place. And when they actually do happen, because in the world of Tony Stark, aliens and gods walk amongst him so nothing can really surprise him anymore, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Denni has a way to tell a story with such very human-like emotion, and responses from our boys, that it’s almost too much. The tears were present right with their sibling pain. Read it all. All the parts. You won’t regret it. 

The Closest Thing He’s Got - @ grilledcheesing 

The..things I underwent with this wonderful work..All the emotions in the spectrum. Just so many things to feel. 

You love Steve? Read this. You hate Steve? Read this.

You love Spidey? Read. This. You hate Spidey? Read this, but good luck.

You love Irondad & Spiderson trope? Read this!!!!!

You love Tony Stark? Read this right now. Because he’s dong his best and everyone needs to back off. 

You hate Tony? Read this and eat your heart out.

Read this. Read this read this read this

5 Times Peter Parker Saved Tony Stark - @madasthesea 

There is a special place in my heart for all things “Peter Parker saving himself + others” and Tony just impressed with him each time. Because yeah, Tony. You found a good one. And he loves you just as much as you love him. “Ugh. So proud of that Spiderbaby” was what I murmured throughout this whole thing, with the occasional scream :)

5 Times Peter Made Tony Laugh Out Loud - @ grilledcheesing

There were tears rolling down my face when I read this. It was the funniest thing. I love Peter, that walking disaster. I’m just glad Tony is in his corner. Please read this and have yourself a good laugh. It is the best. But beware that all jokes must stop at some point.

5 Times Everyone Thought Spider-Man was Iron Man’s Favorite Superhero -  @madasthesea

Mr. Parker deserves all the love, and all the support. All the encouragement. All the good and “doing his best to be good” Irondad. This is the fic where my boys are loving on each other and everything is right with the world. 

Here’s to All the New Beginnings - @groo-ock

There is no retired Irondad like this author’s retired irondad. Gosh, Tony is a MESS, but what a good one he is. This gives you origin pieces here and there, and Tony being comically distressed over Peter, and loving him so much, it’s almost unhealthy. Also, love me some Pepper Stark nei Potts. I laughed so hard and then cried just as much. Peter’s growing and Tony can’t handle much of it. 

Honey Bee Theorem - @ closingdoors 

There are so many ways Tony’s life could’ve been lived, so many things that could’ve happened, so many things that could’ve been said. Pepper explores all of them, and it leaves you breathless no matter which way she presents them. This was quick and painful and gorgeous. We stan Queen Stark nei Potts. And we might not be okay, but yeah, he can definitely rest now. 

Soul of Wit - @yellowdistress

Sometimes I’m in bed at night thinking, “hmm, Denni is out for blood.” And by that, I mean she’s out for mine specifically. This ridiculous one-shot shot me right in my chest. Leave it to Denni to literally show you the world as it is, and make you feel this..ache in your chest, and have you THANK HER FOR THE PAIN SHE’S CAUSED. I love her work so much, that talented bean. Read this. Till the very, very end. It’s gonna suck, but I promise you’ll love it. 

Holdfasts - @groo-ock

“I know this is just my under-treated anxiety talking,” Tony says, “but if I leave this chair or close my eyes even for a second, the kid is going to die. So I have to stay here.”

Tony and Peter are a walking disaster. It’s so bad, oh my gosh. It’s so bad. The laughing while simultaneously panicking as I read this was unbelievable. The things these authors make me FEEL. Y’all don’t understand how good this is. Like, lol, seriously. This is just straight up phenomenal. Phenomenal.

Four Paragraphs - @iron--spider

WOW. Okay. The softest thing in all the land is what takes place when this majestic author creates a story. I mean, seriously, these were the best four paragraphs I’ve ever laughed and cried through. The love, the pride, the longing, the gentleness. “Everything is alright. We’re okay” is always the theme with iron--spider and honestly? I STAN SO HARD, IT MIGHT BE ILLEGAL. Loved this so much. So much. 

Call This Fixer-Upper Home - @3wworms 

Amy has a way with words. It’s surreal how a simple one shot about a couch can have someone aching, eyes prickling, and long after the tab for the story is closed, the thoughts of it all produce salty tears. Maybe it was the note she left before the story started. But..nah, Amy has a WAY with WORDS. It’s unmatched. It’s surreal. 

I Am One of You Forever - @groo-ock 

Say goodbye to your canon broken heart because this is coming for it full force. This was entirely too beautiful; it was easy. Simple. Genuine. It was SO moving. The closing chapter to the brand new book. Like a dream. Mundane, loving, friendship, love. You name all good things, this one-shot has got it. The tears will be inevitable. On multiple occasions. 

Star Child - @iron--spider

This is so organic and so soft. It’s wholesome, so much so it made me cry. These two really deserved more time. And I will never thank this author enough for giving it to them. Always. My Pete is undoubtedly a star child. Don’t fight Tony on it. 

The First Birthday After - @iron--spider

Goodness. No words. Just tears. 

Happy Birthday, tincan. 

We miss you. 

Flight of the Navigator - @3wworms

Everything, and I mean everything Amy posts is truly organic, mature and just nothing short of phenomenal. This is my favorite from her. The level of detail and characterization displayed here leaves me speechless. Always. I literally run from her fics. She pushes things out of me with the most mundane, simple concepts. A conversation, a thought, a LINE. Goodness, did I cry when I read this. It’s elegant and intelligent, insightful. It’s just so great. There is a tone to everything she creates, and it’s always so heartfelt. Everything. Everything everything is truly a work of art. 

Blankets and Brain Melting Fevers - @hailing-stars

I love some ridiculous, overprotective, comical Tony Stark. And I love even more the way Peter’s heart always has a thing for showing something new to this man. Something as simple as spaghetti-o's, and to make me CRY real tears. This was so funny and truly wonderful. Uncalled tears! But wonderful nonetheless. 

On My First Son - pansley

I almost didn’t include this. There are some things some would say are better left..unread. But what a disservice would that have been to you, to us, to the author. 

I cried throughout the entire time I was reading this. Literally. The moment you meet Peter, you already lost. 

This is absolutely incredible. What a piece. 

This one is the definition of a tear jerker. Period. It will wake up things inside of you that you’d never even know you’d felt for these characters we grew with. 

I cannot emphasize this enough: I was dangerously dehydrated. 

Heavens, what a story. I was breathless. 

Read this, but sincerely do so with extreme caution. 

Hold on to everything, because this one-shot is coming like a tsunami. No ifs ands or buts.

[jiminwreckedme]

The Beautiful Deception.

Chapter 2

| Masterlist | Trailer | Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

Memeber - Bts OT7

Genre - Thriller, Mystery, Angst, (Smut)

Word count - 5K

Summary - When your ex-boyfriend’s wife goes missing, you are the only one who can help him find her. But in a world where everyone is a friend and everyone is a culprit, where lies are decorated with the best ornaments of facade, where everybody and nobody is right, how will you find out what happened to the woman he loves?

Without falling for him all over again?

Warnings - Mentions of kidnapping and accidents.

Rating - NC17 for mature themes of the whole series.

15th February 2017 

10:14

“Do you want to....order a coffee or something?”

“I’m good. I only drink one coffee a day now, at 10.”

You subtly glance at your watch. 

10:15

“How have you been?”

You somehow find the need to clear your throat. “Uh-good, I’m yeah-good.”

10:16

10:17

“I didn’t think you’d come.” He confesses.  

“I didn’t either.”

“Why did you then?”

You sip on your coffee to avoid answering him but how long could you ignore it? 

“I don’t know.”

10:18

10:19

10:20

“I’m glad you came Y/n, thank you.”

You nod.

10:21

10:22

“Why did you call me? You said you needed help.”

“I’m not sure how to explain this….or even ask you to help.”

Why, because there was a time you left me helpless?

“But you asked me, and now I’m here, halfway across the globe. You might as well tell me.”

“I’m really sorry Y/n. I know you left a lot behind to come here for me-”

“No you don’t.” Yoongi looks up at you surprised. Was it because of the tone of your voice? Did it sound more bitter than you intended it to?

“I can understand why you’d think like that, and maybe I really don’t but…..” He takes a deep breath. “I’m desperate. I don’t know anyone else who will help me or even believe me-.”

“You thought I would believe you?”

“Will you not?”

10:23

10:24

“What do you need help with….Yoongi?”

It’s so hard to even take his name.

“She’s missing Y/n. I’ve been going crazy trying to find out how and why and-”

“Who? Who is missing Yoongi?”

“My wife.”

10:25

“To me, marriage is an insult to what we share. I will do whatever, and I mean it Y/n, I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you, and as long as I make you happy, I will be there for you but….. a legal document to join our identities slapped onto the faces of our society? That’s not one of them. Ours is not a relationship that can be forged or ended with two signatures on a paper. That is a disgrace to what’s between us. For me it’s enough if you know what I feel for you, I don’t need anyone else to understand, I have nothing to prove to the world.”

10:26

10:27

“You-you’re married?”

Yoongi slowly nods “About 2 years ago.”

10:28

“Wow, I...I didn’t know- congratulations- I mean it’s been 2 years but it’s the first time I’m meeting you since the- I mean, your wedding so…..”

Stuttering so helplessly. What a fool.

10:29

“I’m sorry Y/n.”

You don’t say anything. What should you even say to that?

“I didn’t know how to tell you about it, it all happened so fast and you were…..”

“I know.” You don’t want to hear anymore, don’t want to know anymore. “It’s fine.... I can understand.”

Could you really? A man who never believed in the institution of marriage yet promised to be with you all his life, left you when it was most important to be by your side and as if that wasn’t enough, he was sitting here talking about a woman he married and was living with happily-

Then you realize what he said.

“D-did you say she’s missing?”

He nods. “11th April 2016. That was the last time I saw her.”

“What happened?”

“We had an argument that day about something. I don’t remember exactly what but it was trivial, I’m sure. We aren’t really the kind who fight.” I don’t need the details of your relationship with her. I really don’t. “She left the house after that, to go to work but she didn’t come back home the time she usually returns. I thought she was angry, taking her time to cool so she was going to come late. But she didn’t come home that night, nor did she return next morning. That’s when I started to panic and so I lodged a missing complainant and went around looking for her but I couldn’t find her and neither could the police. Not that day, not the next. The third day after she disappeared, that’s when I……”

He lets out shaky breath, “There’s a huge lake by her workplace. Three days later, the police fished out a car from there…..her car.”

Your lips part in shock.

“They…..” Yoongi struggles to speak. It hurts just looking at him like that. “It was apparently an accident, some sort of brake malfunction. The driver seemed to have lost control and just….”

He trails off, eyes shut tight.

“I’m so sorry Yoongi, I didn’t know-”

He shakes his head.

“They didn’t find her body though.” Oh. “They only found the drivers. She wasn’t there.”

You find yourself letting out a held breath. “So then she’s ok-”

“Missing.” He corrects. “Since the day she left, I don’t know where she is or how she is, what happened to her, if she’s even okay? I have answers for not one of those questions and I need to find out. Y/n,” He looks at you, the pain so stark in his eyes. “I need to find her. And for that, I need your help and more importantly, I need you to trust me.”  

You frown confused.

“If you do help me then most people who you come across will only discourage you but despite all that, I need you to trust me and whatever I say from now on.” You see his Adam's apple move as he swallows something. “Because Y/n, I think she’s kidnapped.”

Your eyes widen in shock, a strange fear gripping you.

“Nobody believes me when I tell them this but I’ve been trying to find out what happened and this is the only conclusion I could come to. The reason why her body wasn’t found was because she wasn’t in the car and she wasn’t in the car because she was kidnapped.” He states matter-of-factly. “But everyone I told this to, every one of them said that there was no evidence of her being abducted and that I was making up stories.”

His voice turned so bitter, frustrated as he runs his fingers through his hair.

“They showed me her credit card statement and said that transactions in a department store would not have been possible if she was really kidnapped.” He scoffs. “They said she left me and ran away. They said I couldn’t accept that my wife left me over the fight we had and so I was…...I was going mad. B-but trust me Y/n” He almost reaches for your hand on the table, stopping himself just in time. “I know her, she wouldn’t do that. She would’ve come back home that night itself, I’m sure she would’ve and the fact that she didn’t…...I’m sure something bad happened to her.”

He looks at you pleadingly. “That’s why I need your help, that’s why I need you to trust me and help me find her. No one else will Y/n, no one else is helping. The police, the media, organizations I’ve contacted,” He lists. “All of them say there’s no evidence, but honestly, I don’t think they tried to find any.”

All this, this was so much to process. You are still wrapping your mind around all the information when he continues.

Slowly nodding, you think of the right way to tell him what you felt about this without hurting him. But before you can open your mouth and tell him, Yoongi shakes his head.

“What? Are you going to tell me that if so many people are saying she was not kidnapped then maybe she’s not?”

Even after so many years, he still knew what you thought. 

“Fine,” For a second there it seemed like he agreed. “Let’s say she wasn’t then…..Prove it to me. Prove it to me that she really wanted to leave me and that she wasn’t kidnapped. I asked so many people to prove that she was alright, but no one could do it Y/n. It’s been about 10 months now and no one knows where she is.”

You swallow on nothing. Nobody knew where she was? Not even her family?

“I’m all the family she has. I’m the only one she has Y/n. I know she didn’t leave me. The only reason she’s not back is because she’s not able to come back to me, to come back home.”

You blink, once, twice, then again and again.

“What do you want me to do Yoongi?” You speak for the first time in very long.  “Why call me here for….this?”

“If you believe me and you help me, we can find her. 10 months Y/n, do you know how long that is to be away from someone you love?” What? “Every moment feels like-”

“Hell.”

And this is the moment everything changes. The sympathy you were feeling for him, the thoughts that were running through your head about how you can help him, the fact that you were so lost in his pain that you forgot yours. 

Everything changes.

Everything stops. 

“It feels like hell.” Your voice leaves you ever so softly, hands on your lap shaking, hidden from sight. “It feels like you've fallen into hell’s dreaded pit of thorns and your heart has been punctured a million times over by those tiny pricks. And it stings at first, it hurts and hurts and hurts until you feel numb - so numb, you begin to lose sense of everything around you. You think the numbness will go and let you feel again if you just let those wounds heal and you so slowly start to pull those thorns out, one by one, but it only makes more blood gush out. And it hurts all over again.”

Thanks to you Yoongi, I know exactly how it feels to be away from people you love for so long.

Yoongi nods like every word hits home.

“Help me Y/n, I’m tired of being so hurt, I need help and I don’t have anyone but you....”

As you look away from his intense gaze, hands tightly gripping your knees, this is what you want to say to him -

“I didn’t too Yoongi. That day when I left my house, my family, my whole world behind to come to you, I didn’t have anyone but you. I threw away everything for you and what did you do? You left me. I knew you were scared, I knew you weren’t ready but you should have said so. You didn’t say a thing and you just left. You broke me Yoongi. You broke me in ways I cannot even explain. I was in so much pain, I cried, I was hurt, I was angry, I blamed you, I blamed myself, I tried to move on, I tried to forgive myself and a part of me even managed to. When a man came along and said he would hold the broken pieces of me, I decided to let him. I should have been his wife today for god’s sake, but look at me. Once again, like an idiot, I threw everything away to come to you and what did you do? How did you think it was fair to sit in front of me without even offering me an apology and ask me to find the woman you now love? The woman who took my place? So many years Yoongi, we’ve known each other for so long but you didn’t value me enough to think that I deserved an explanation back then. And even now, you still don’t respect me enough to think I deserve an apology? Why Yoongi? How could you?”

You want to tell him all this but you can’t bring yourself to. 

Maybe because you have enough self respect to not beg him for an apology just to heal your ailing heart. Or because you have the dignity to handle your own pain and did not need to explain your wounds to your culprit who ignorantly sits before you. Or because you were shattered all over again by this man and needed to pick up the pieces of you once again. For whatever reason, you can’t say any of that.

“I’m sorry.” That’s what you say instead as you stand up. “I’m so so sorry. But I can’t do this Yoongi. I......I really can’t.”

With that you leave, walking away, avoiding looking at the hurt so evident on his face to protect the your own fragile heart. There was a time you had let Yoongi in there because of his pain. That was the first and last time. 

You were not going to make that mistake again.

18th February 2017

You: Usual place. 19:45.

“Y/n!”

You look up from the message you sent him to see Yoongi, skidding to a stop a few feet away from you. His chest is heaving up and down, mouth open desperately drinking the air, as his cheeks get redder and redder. He looks at the clock tower, far away down the street. He’s a few minutes too late but you’re still here. Relief floods his face. Till he spots the suitcase right next to you, your hand tightly holding on to it.

“Y-you’re-” He grips the sides of his stomach, wincing in pain. “You’re l-leaving Seoul?”

Abandoning your luggage right where you are standing, you turn wordlessly and push the cafe door, walking in. Yoongi’s eyes try to follow you but they fail, simply shutting as he bends over, resting his hands on his knees, as he tries to catch his breath. It’s only when your shadow falls over him that he looks up at you and the bottle of water in your outstretched hand.

Taking it he straightens out, nodding in gratitude, “I-I need a moment.”

“You ran?”

“I thought I was going t-to be late.” He pants audibly but they are getting less heavy by the minute. “I thought you’ll leave if I didn’t....”

Unlike you, I don’t run from those who need me.

He doubles over coughing and you quickly take the bottle from his hand and twist it open before handing it to him again. He drinks it this time, water spilling from the corner of his mouth, down his jaw and then his neck. You look away.

“Thank you.” His voice leaves him softly as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. As you hand him the bottle cap, once again his eyes fall on your suitcase, but before he can ask you about it, you answer him.

“I’ll help you.”

Holed up almost all the time in that hotel room of yours, you thought for two whole days. You thought and wondered and pondered about what should do but no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t reach a convincing conclusion. 

Until yesterday evening, when you decided to finally leave the suffocation of the room to get some air and somehow found yourself walking by that same cafe. As you reminiscently glanced through the large glass windows, you remember how Yoongi looked when turned to see him one last time. The way his shoulders slumped, the way he just kept staring at nothing on the table, the way the hurt on his face deepened with every passing second. You couldn’t bear to look him. As the mirage of him slowly disappears, all those hundreds of thoughts in you head dissolve into one. I shouldn’t have left him like that. 

How did that make you any different from him? He left you when you needed him and you were doing the same now, you too left him without any explanation. This wasn’t some sort of revenge plot and you weren’t here to play tit for tat, you couldn’t even imagine doing something like that. In fact if not for that one thing he said you were certain you’d have offered to help him right there and then. But his words, they momentarily overpowered the pain you felt for him, they fueled your own agony making you walk away. 

But you shouldn’t have walked away. You should have stayed and been the bigger person. He called you because he trusted you to help him, he believed you would stay and deep down you knew, if you had called Yoongi in a situation like this, he would have stayed.  Because even though he fell out of love with you, even though you had moved on, even though the dynamic between you two was no longer the same, one thing didn’t change - the foundation of the relationship you once shared. It was so strong that even after so long, the two of you could still stand on it, unafraid that it would break.  

So no matter what Yoongi did to you, no matter what you went through because of him, regardless of whether he acknowledged it or regretted it, you should have stayed out respect for the past. And who knew? Maybe this was your chance to finally get what you want. Maybe during this time Yoongi might give you that answer and apology you so badly want to hear coming from the bottom of his heart. Maybe by the end of this you can finally leave him behind in your past and truly move on. 

I shouldn’t walk away. I should stay. 

“I’ll help you in whatever way I can Yoongi, but I want something in return.”

“What?”

“Let this be the last time you and I have anything to do with each other.” You tighten you grip on the handle. “Let’s never see each other again after this and I’ll do whatever I can to help you. ”

Letting out a soft breath, he searches as though there’s a hidden answer on your face. “Is that how much you hate me Y/n?”

“Hate?” You shake your head slowly. “Hate is still an emotion, something that establishes a relationship between two people. After this, I don’t think it’s right for us to have anything to do with each other anymore.”

He looks at you, long and hard, till the chime of the bell tower snaps the eye contact between you two.

“Fine,” He nods, sliding a hand into his pocket. Was he crushing the bottle in his other hand? “As you wish. When all of this is over, whatever you want will be done, I promise.”

Your promises don’t hold any value for me anymore Yoongi.

Silence.

It was the silence between two people who didn’t know what to say to each other anymore. There was nothing left to say-

“If you’re not leaving then…..” He points the bottle towards your suitcase.

“I don’t know how long I will need to be in Seoul and I’m not really comfortable living in a hotel so I’m going home.”

“Home?”  

Did he really already forget everything about me?

“I have a house in this city, Yoongi. My family owns a place here.”

“That house? That place has been abandoned for years Y/n,” Yoongi scoffs. “There’s no butlers, no chefs. How will you stay there? You don’t even know how to cook. And not to mention, it's probably drowning in dust and cobwebs and-.”

“You forget how long it’s been since you haven’t been a part of my life Yoongi.” You smile sadly. “I cook now and I am capable of taking care of myself.”

“I know.” He nods. “I know but you don’t have to. You’re here in this city to help me, it’s not right of me to leave you to manage on your own. You are my responsibility now, I can’t let you go there.”

You let out a soft incredulous laugh. “Then where should I stay?”

“With me.” He lets out casually. “In my house.”

You look at him, eyes slightly widen, lips parting.

“I know, I might be out of place suggesting it and I’m sorry but.... It’s for your comfort and most importantly, your safety. If you stay in your house, your family will know you are here, I’m sure you don’t want that”

“Why?” You frown. “What makes you think my family doesn’t know I’m here?”

“The fact that you came here just a day before your wedding?” What? “I don’t think you would be here had you informed anyone about coming to Seoul. And the fact that you came to help me?” Yoongi lets out a mocking laugh. “You grandfather would have locked you in the room till-”

“Yoongi.” You are still fixated on the first thing he said. “How do you know about my wedding?”

“Tabloids?” He shrugs.

“But how do you know that I left just before my wedding? No one but close family knew when the ceremony was going to happen. You couldn’t have read that anywhere.”

Yoongi looks at you but he’s not at a loss of words

“We are high society people Y/n. Our world is different from what the rest of the world sees. Our stories can be created, destroyed, altered, hidden, everything in a matter of seconds. They can also be found just as easily. Nothing is hidden among the elites.”

“That doesn’t answer how-”

“Doesn’t matter.” He waves away your concern. “The point now is that it’s not safe for you to go to your house.”

You rack your brains to find reasons to say no, but you can’t seem to find any. He had valid points. If your family knew you were in Seoul, all hell would break loose. Knowing very well you will regret this decision, you hesitatingly nod.

Yoongi lets out the breath he was holding and points a thumb at the road, “I’ll hail a cab.” 

It takes about 15 minutes for you to finally find yourself being led by him to the halted car down the street. All this while you just thoughtlessly watched him a few feet away from you trying to flag a cab in the darkening, busy street. It’s a familiar sight that now feels distant. 

Refusing his help, you lift your suitcase into the boot of the car before clambering into the backseat, only flinch slightly upon noticing him sitting almost right next to you when you shut the door. Of course. He had motion sickness just like you, he never calls shotgun. That meant this was how you were to journey today......And the car zooms into the night.

Seoul is always well lit at night. Despite the colorful lights of the LED screens lighting up the cab from time to time, you can barely see his face. For the most part, he’s looking out of the window, hands tucked into the pocket on his bikers jacket. You don’t know for what reason but you find yourself occasionally glancing at him. The both of you were sharing such a close space with each other after so long. It stings you in the chest to feel how much things have changed. You would’ve never imagined sitting like this with Yoongi three years ago. Yes there were times silence was the dominant thing, but that silence with him was always comforting. This silence is ice cold.

You shiver, not at the thought, but because the taxi driver lowers his window, letting the wind and its coldness in, cutting your skin.

“Got a lighter?”

Shaking your head you reply to the questioning eyes of the old man looking at you through his rear view mirror. But before he could get disappointed, Yoongi pulls out a lighter from his pocket, handing it over the shoulder of the now much happier man. As you watch him click the lighters flames to life, your mind wanders elsewhere.

You extend the umbrella in your hand over an already drenched Yoongi as he looks at you, face stoic as ever, eyes fixed on you in a way that said he applauded your audacity. Though he stopped leaning against the lamp post which held the ‘no smoking’ sign when you walked up to him, he stubbornly maintained everything else. The cigarette is still held in place in his mouth, the blackened matchstick still tightly wrapped in his fist. The rain continues to pour fearlessly, as though just moments ago, it did not just wipe the smirk off Yoongi’s face or blow out the flames he had lit for himself.

Bringing up the lighter in your hand, your fingers roll on the spark wheel and you light his cigarette carefully.

“I don’t know what it is but there’s something in there,” You point straight at his chest. “Some kind of pain, something which is the reason you find the need to rebel, the reason you don’t care for anything, the reason you're hurting and you choose to hurt those around you......Yes smoking kills but that pain?” You smile at him pitifully. “That will kill you much faster.”

You reach for his hand, bringing it up and unclamping his fist and flick the burnt matchstick out of his hand, replacing it with the lighter in yours.

“So I can only hope you find what takes that pain away.” You take a step, baring him to the rain again. “I hope you find what helps you live.”

A very long time after that day, Yoongi held your hand under that very lamp post as he permanently handed you his favorite lighter, the one with his initials on it. 

“I found what helps me live.” 

As you wrapped your fingers around it his eyes told you what he couldn’t say.

He found you.

Your gaze follows the lighter as Yoongi takes it, stuffing it into his pocket, where it belonged. So he was smoking again, a habit he detested, a habit he had acquired only to rebel against what life threw at him, a habit you thought he had left in the past because he was no longer hurting. Seeing that lighter in his hands again, your heart aches. It aches to be reminded that he had returned to grieving so painfully once more.

Yoongi notices you looking intently at the hand in his pocket. Before he can say anything, you turn away, choosing to see the fast moving scenery of the estates over conversing with him. A wise choice. If you hadn’t glanced out, you would’ve probably missed the large sign that held the name of the enormous structure that loomed over. 

Min Manor.

You rack your brain for memories of this house. You remember it very vaguely because you had been here perhaps once in all the years you had known Yoongi. The reason was simple. Yoongi never lived here. Though it was his house, though his family lived here for generations together, though he loved every inch of this place, Yoongi never stayed here-

The door opens, jolting you out of your thoughts. 

You turn to see Yoongi who had already gotten off the halted car, holding out the door for you. You uncertainly step out as you recollect where Yoongi stayed almost all his life. In that camper-van that was always parked behind this house, the one his mother had gifted him years ago. Why didn’t you think about where Yoongi was living when he asked you to stay with him? Why didn’t you think that Yoongi might still be living there? Did he expect you to stay in that tiny space along with him-

“Of course not.” You’re not surprised he answers your unspoken questions anymore as he rolls his eyes ever so slightly. “I don’t live there now and if I was, I wouldn’t have expected you to stay there with me. I moved into the Min Mansion a few years ago.”

“Oh.” Something as normal as Yoongi living in his own house shocks you more than him staying in that camper-van. Why did he live here now? Did he sort out everything? But how? “I’m sorry I thought-”

“I don’t blame you.” He closes the door behind you, signaling the man standing by the huge doors with his fingers and a nod. The old butler stops staring at you and hurriedly descends the few stairs to open the boot of the taxi, pulling your luggage out as Yoongi sighs, looking at the house with a strange expression. “I never thought I would live here again either.”

Then why do you live here? 

As the taxi zooms away, you keep your question to yourself as you follow Yoongi not so closely behind. The butler pushes open the large oak doors of the house revealing barely any details of the dimly lit corridor that extends from the entrance. As you step in, you picture your last memory here - your younger self being escorted out by this very butler, Yoongi’s father’s voice the only audible thing as you left.

“How dare you Min Yoongi? Was it not enough that you love the same woman as your brother? Now you have the audacity to bring her into this house? Are you trying to rip apart what’s left of this family?!”

“Y/n.” You break out of your flashback at Yoongi’s voice, turning to see him still by the door. “Welcome home.”

Home.

The word pricks you like a thorn. There was a time I thought this would be home.

“Grace here will help you.” Yoongi points at the middle aged, short woman who you didn’t even notice standing there, as she gives you a bow when you spot her. “Lead her to the guest room and make sure she has everything she needs.”

“Rest Y/n, we have a long mission ahead of us” He takes a step back giving you one final look before he walks into the darkness outside the house. “We will start tomorrow by meeting Officer Jeon Jungkook.” 

[w-ngs]

사랑의 불시착 (crash landing on you)

genre: k-drama (romance)

what? i’m not writing about a book, but a k-drama? yeah. if there was ever a k-drama with a story and characters worthy enough to be reviewed as if it were a book, it would be this one. i’ve never cried harder watching the last three episodes of this show than i have for literally any other movie or tv show. and after watching the very last scene, i felt so… fulfilled. i’ve never cried harder, but i’ve also never been more fond of a cast and story. for once, each and every single character played an important role and had their own vivid personality that made the story so much richer. and i feel like you can’t say that about a lot—if any?—of the usual k-dramas. also, there are spoilers all over the place, so beware.

i didn’t realize this until recently, but i fall in immediate love with strong character-driven stories. and the characters were 1000% a huge factor of what drew me into this drama. i’m not only talking about the leads, but the side characters as well. there was not a single person out of place or unnecessary to the story. they all added their own unique little spark and made each scene all that more entertaining to watch. the five “avengers” (that’s what they’re nicknamed in korea heheh)? i love them to death. they are the MOST adorable little group and seeing how much they cared about jeonghyuk and seri made me feel all fuzzy inside. i loved seeing them on the screen. and the village ladies? even though they were a bit irritating in the beginning, they won me over soon enough with their cute little flirting and motherly habits. both groups were people that genuinely loved and cared for one another like family, related or not. and seeing that made me so, so happy. we don’t see enough of that wholesomeness enough nowadays. speaking of family. even though seri’s family pissed me off at the start (and of course we still despise sehyeong and his wife), i grew to be fond of her parents and sejun and his wife too. and i especially appreciated how the parents actually supported their kids instead of pushing them to follow the decisions of their elders. finally, the parents in a k-drama acknowledged that their children were adults with their own decision-making capabilities.

and may i SAY. seri’s character as the female lead was amazingly refreshing. what i’m used to seeing in a female lead is a poor or weak girl dependent on some rich heir or ceo of a company for her entire life’s needs. most dramas these days are moving away from that stereotype, but women still tend to be portrayed as the weaker sex. so what i absolutely adored about yoon seri is that she was a powerful woman in her own right. she created her own thriving company from the ground up with hardly any support from anyone, and definitely not from her own family. she had her own power and money and she knew how to use it. and when the drama shifted from taking place in north to south korea, we got to see her take care of those closest to her using her own means. also, she fucking took a bullet for her man. SHE, for HER MAN, took the bullet. where else have you seen that shit in a k-drama before? cuz i sure as hell haven’t. it’s always the man protecting his lady, which is good and all, but wow, i feel like i had some part of me vindicated when she selflessly went for that gunshot. and seo dan??? my QUEEN??????? we love that after pining after a guy for ten whole years, she finally found someone that helped her realized her own worth, which allowed herself to grow into her own person. see? it is possible to have TWO very strong, very beautiful, female leads in one very popular drama. take that, the extremely patriarchal society in south korea that’s been in power for generations.

let’s talk about love and how it brought out the best qualities in those that encountered it. let’s talk about selflessness. because that’s basically what love is, isn’t it? risking your own life time and time again because you’d rather take the fall than have your significant other suffer. because seeing them hurt is a thousand times worse than getting hurt yourself. and even when you ARE purposely hurting them (but hurting them in order to protect them, obviously), you just can’t let them completely out of sight or mind. i’ve never seen a more pure love depicted in these 16 episodes than i have my entire life, whether that be in books or the screen. they’d die for each other, time and time again, because of love. and that’s a pretty common theme in all dramas, korean or not, but something about the way neither of them spared a second thought about their own safety or wellbeing because the other person was too important to risk losing, just made me sob fat tears over and over and over. the way they’d do anything, ANYTHING for each other, just to ensure the other’s happiness, just completely ripped me apart. when jeonghyuk said to seri that seeing her in the interrogation room was a pain for him, forcing her to leave, and then immediately sprinting out of the room when he heard that she collapsed, had me in literal pieces. the same for when he would not leave the window when she was undergoing treatment for sepsis. ESPECIALLY WHEN HE STEPPED BACK RIGHT WHEN SHE WOKE UP. LIKE, DUDE, PLEASE, YOUR HURT IS HURTING ME TOO. SO MUCH. also, we cannot forget about the moments between gu seungjun and seo dan. i’m just. well, i’m proud of every single lead’s character development, but those two. wow. when things started really building between those two, i kind of had a feeling he would be the one to go. i don’t know what it was, but when he did go, that felt like a punch in the gut. but personally, the scenes between them i did cry for were when he confessed what he loved about her on the bridge, and when he gave her the ring in jeonghyuk’s house. they each really found someone who could finally break their walls down, someone who loved them for who they were. and my god, that shit is beautiful man.

i feel like i could list so many more scenes where i completely lost it over the emotional depictions of love, and how each scene showed that love can overcome basically anything, but i’m not going to. because then i’m going to cry all over again. my god, just what kind of CRACK were the writers on these last few episodes??????? did they have a personal vendetta against the viewers for wanting us to suffer this badly????? well actually, for all the crying i did, i thoroughly enjoyed every tear, so. thank you. thank you for bringing to life such a purely beautiful couple like jeonghyuk and seri and showing us that if we really want it to, love can conquer all. and thank you especially for having the courage to tackle—and doing it with such tact and class—a difficult topic like north and south korea’s division. you know, while i was watching the scene where jeonghyuk and his comrades were being sent back to north korea, i thought, “if everyone in north and south korea and maybe the entire world watched this drama, we could reunite them again.” seeing the pain on the characters’ faces whenever seri tried going back south, or when she had to send them back north, hurt me differently than the hurt i felt when i watched romance scenes. because that shit is real. that shit happens in real life—friends and family have been torn apart because of the split between north and south korea. i would know, because i’ve heard the stories from those not only afar but close to me. i guess it also hurts that much more because that’s my history as someone of korean descent. can’t we all just love each as we are? as humans with flaws but also redeeming qualities as well? if we all got to know each other, each other’s good and bad and happy and sad parts, i would like to think it wouldn’t be that hard.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #276

“all the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun.”

Favorite dried fruit? Dried fruit is fucking disgusting. Would you rather wear a dress or a suit on your wedding day? A dress. If you chose dress, will it be long or short? I prefer longer wedding dresses. If you chose suit, will you wear a bow or a tie? Hypothetically I’d wear a tie, probably. Have you ever wanted to be a police officer? No. Do you have a nut allergy? No. Do you accessories with chains? Put chains on fucking EVERYTHING and it is an improvement. How often do you cook dinner? If you’re excluding the microwave, like… never. What have you given up on recently? Nothing important; the only thing I can think of applies to a game. I was after the way-too-fucking-expensive dinosaur mount that is very soon going away in World of Warcraft, but the stress it was causing me wasn’t worth it. The time investment and how it was only a “maybe” of getting it in time Favorite condiment for fries? Ketchup. Ever had bangs? I did as a little kid. Do you know any Italian people? Well yeah, people of Italian descent are common in the U.S. I don’t know like, someone straight from Italy though. Have you ever dated someone LGBTQ+? Yeah, a demisexual. What color would you like your future bathroom to be? Uh… I don’t really care. It would depend on the house. Do you add sugar to plain cornflakes? No. Are skeletons cool? Skellyboiz are dope. Favorite Selena Gomez song? I don’t know any. Do you like coffee flavored cake? I don’t like coffee, so guess. Is that even a thing, though? Do you still watch your favorite kid shows/cartoons? I don’t watch TV. I would though, sure. Do you like going on walks? What's your favorite thing about them? How far do you normally walk? Ugh this question is gonna be embarrassing considering I went through muscle atrophy in my legs from being so sedentary. When we move (HOPEFULLY the start of October, a wrench was kinda thrown in our plans), I intend to absolutely start walking in small intervals now that we’ll be in a nice little neighborhood with a sidewalk. And a PokeStop nearby to bait me lmfao. Plus the weather will be cooler, so I intend to make a lot of progress. BUT ANYWAY I like just listening to either music or the sounds of what’s going on around me. Last time you had a hot drink? That’s a good question. Idk. Have you ever lived in a city? Was it crowded? Never like… a “real” city. Just small towns or in the middle of nowhere. Would you prefer to live in a big city or the woods? THE WOODS!!!!!!1 THE WOODS!!!!!1!!!!1111!! GIMME THAT SHIT!!!!!!11!11!!!! Have you ever climbed a mountain? No. Do you hear owls or crickets at night where you live? LOADS of crickets and toads during the summer. Ever run away from home? When I was a stupid pre-teen. I was mad at my mom and she wasn’t home, so I took Teddy and left. I had my phone though and Mom – when she got home – threatened to call the cops, so yeah, I came back. Are you scared to ride public transport alone? Why? No. Is marriage on your mind? No time soon. Did you own a dollhouse when you were younger? I didn’t, per se, but my younger sister did, and we would play together. Does the room you're in have a tiled floor? No, it’s carpet. How many pairs of earrings do you own? Not that many, not too few. Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve never thought *looking* was a good idea, so no. I think bonds of any kind need to come naturally to avoid lack of genuineness, force, or rush. I don’t think me having an s/o is a smart idea right now anyway. Do you prefer a call or a text? Don’t call me unless you’re dying or something. Do your parents drink coffee every morning? Mom almost always does. I don’t live with Dad, so idk. Have you ever donated blood? Yes. One song that's meaningful to you? UM a LOT. Most meaningful, probably “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin. I physically can’t listen to it. Like I refuse to. Are you addicted to anything? Technology, big oof energy. What were you last listening to in the car? Something on my iPod, idk. When was the last time you sang out loud? I don’t recall. I rarely sing. What did you have for breakfast? A microwaveable sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. Mom is currently out of state with her mother because she’s literally on her deathbed, so she STOCKED ME THE FUCK UP on groceries. The freezer is literally jam-packed, so I’m focusing on eating food from there. Did you have a nap today? Yes. I almost never, ever make it through the day without one, especially now with having nightmares every fucking time I sleep. Are you named after anyone? No. Well, not my first name, anyway. “Marie” is a middle name theme in my family, though. What kind of music do you like? Metal, rock, alternative, indie… stuff like that. What’s one hobby that you’d like to take up? Ugh, I miss a LOT of my old hobbies. I’ve lost interest in so much. I wish I drew way more than I do, which is almost never. What did you think you wanted to be when you grew up? The first job I ever wanted was a paleontologist. I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Still love ‘em. What’s the biggest project on your to-do list right now? It’d be great if I could finish designing Ashley’s cancer tattoo, but again, yeah, drawing motivation. ;_; If you weren’t in your current job, what would you want to be doing? I’m unemployed. Is the last person you kissed older than you? No. Are you happy right now? No. Haven’t been “happy” for a while now. Who makes you happiest right now? Probably my cat tbh lol. Especially being home alone for so long, he’s keeping me company. In school did/do people put a label on you? If so, what is/was it? I was considered one of the “emo” kids. Do you laugh every day? lol wow no. What is the last thing you laughed at? This Spongebob meme I saw on Facebook got me fuckin good. Have you cried today? If so, why? Nah. When was the last time someone saw you naked? Been a long time; even when I’m going in or coming out of the shower I do all I can for Mom to not see me because I hate my body a fucking lot. What is the greatest loss you've endured? My first boyfriend. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? WOW I do this like every fuckin day, fam. What was the last thing you lied about? I’m not sure. What type of a drunk are you? Never gotten to the point of drunk, but I was more talkative the closest I got. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? What a big question. I personally think you should do all you can to make a positive impact on the world – make it better than when you entered. Don’t contribute to the bad, treat people how you want to be treated… all that jazz. When was the last time you were up all night and why? I can’t remember quite why, but I remember doing that with WoW some time ago. Idr what I was doing that had my attention that long, though. That’s rare now. What is the worst thing you've done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? Part one: hand over all of my worth to someone else. Part two: show me exactly why I shouldn’t have in a very unhealthy way. What is the most personal thing you're willing to reveal? I dunno??? Can ya give me a topic?? Is there a situation or person you haven't been able to get over/forgive/what have you? I honestly doubt I’ll ever be entirely over Jason. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Probably Mom, and idr. Doubt it. Just probably raised my voice. Where did your last injury come from? My cat, rip. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? Something along the lines of “thanks for sending me to the ER (or mental hospital?) again.” Fucking disgusting. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Without fail, always. Please wear your seatbelt. Are you scared of flying? Not really. What do you sleep in? Men’s pj pants and tank tops. Who was the last person you kissed? Sara. What are you listening to? I am fucking HOOKED on 3TEETH's cover of "Pumped Up Kicks." Do you prefer soupy noodles or noodles without the broth? Without. Have you ever missed someone but felt like they had other friends and didn't miss you as much as you did? This. Is the story of my motherfuckin life. I feel this all the time to a very deep level. Who, out of all your friends, do you hang with the most and could never get tired of him/her? Sara. Do you like the taste of white chocolate or does it taste kind of fake? Nooot a white chocolate fan. Too sweet. How would you react if you just found out your mom had an abortion before? I would be VERY surprised just given who she is and her adoration for children. Are your pets spayed/neutered? Yes. Hottest guy you know and actually talk to? I don’t regularly talk to any guy I consider “hot,” but the closest to that would be my friend Leon, whom I’ve always seen as very attractive. It is fucking UNCANNY, his resemblance to Leon Kennedy from the Resident Evil series. Like he’s dressed as him before and it is astonishing. Name sharing is a coincidence, too. What time of day do you like to shower? I don’t have a favored time anymore. I just do it when I feel like it at some point during the day, but pretty much never night anymore. I do think starting the morning with one though is great, though. When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Fries are almost guaranteed, but of course it depends on the type of food, too. What do you spend more money than necessary on? I don’t and never have had a stable source of income to answer this, really. What video game or computer game are you best at? Uhhh I’d probably be rusty with the Shadow of the Colossus controls by now, I’ve don’t have the maps or every puzzles memorized from the Silent Hill games, so I guess my answer’s World of Warcraft if I’m on my hunter. Not to flex but I’m a bomb-ass beast mastery hunter. Been my main in the game since I started in MoP. What do you keep your keys on? They’re in my purse on a keychain. Is your favorite color different than your favorite color to wear? Oh yeah. Do you buy books or get them from the library? Buy them. What section of the food pyramid do you neglect the most? Veggies for sure. What do you use your stovetop for most? Well, I don’t ever. Can you focus on studying if there's music on? No, I need silence. In what types of situations do you demand absolute silence? Well, see the above answer, for one. Also going to sleep. Well, maybe not, as I have a fan as kinda like white noise, but I can sleep without it. Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school? I didn’t score bad, but I wasn’t exceptional either. Do you own more shoes or less shoes than the average person? Less, I’m sure. Do you still have anything from when you were a baby? Yeah, up in the attic. I think my mom has some stuff that’s super important to her in a case somewhere. Do you use hairspray much? I never do. Are art museums interesting or boring to you? I enjoy them. What subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? Well, this is a difficult question to answer when you consider I think depending on your career focus as well as personal values and interests, this answer changes from person to person. Like for me, I could say I don’t give a shit about complex math, but advanced math courses would be valued by certain people down specific paths. But anyway, I’ll bite and say least necessary for *the most* people, in my opinion anyway. Gym. It’s very discriminatory towards people with more limited physical capabilities (and I don’t just mean literally disabled), and it’s also just very uncomfortable and/or embarrassing to some people. Like I’d fuckin cry if in my current state, I was forced to “run” a mile, because I physically couldn’t come even close. A person, a younger one especially, should never be subjected to humiliation at the hands of a class schools deem “necessary” when it absolutely is not. Okay I’m in a talkative mood and this is turning into an essay so I’mma move along now. When you were a kid, what games did you always play on the playground? I think for as long as I had recess, my go-to was ALWAYS the swings. I fucking loved swingsets. I loved playing 4 Square or whatever it was called. And then of course there was me digging tunnels in the sandboxes because I wanted to feel like a meerkat lmfao. Do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? For some reason, I still have this childlike excitement *early* into a power outage. Especially when it’s dark and we have to get out the candles, and I might play my old GameBoy or Nintendo DS, or I’ll probably just chill talking with Mom. However, that phase is pretty short nowadays, being a snake mama. My mind very quickly goes back to “Venus needs her lamp,” so as time passes, I get more anxious than annoyed. Basically, I’d rather not have one. Do you know how to use an ATM? … no lmao How about write a check? No. Are you pretty politically correct? To a degree I consider reasonable. Personally I find political correctness as having gone too far by now, but it’s certainly appropriate in some instances. What is one fashion trend you'll never understand? I… don’t really care to think much on this. Wear what makes you feel confident in yourself. There are things I think don’t look good, but they may look great to you, and it’s on your body, so guess whose opinion matters. What do you wear when you exercise? Oh yeesh. Just sweatpants and a tank top, normally. What is usually the last thing you do before you go to bed? I turn the brightness on my phone waaay down. I’m always going to wake up throughout the night and check the time, but I don’t want to be blinded.

[smallcowplant]

[ P A R T  T W O ]

my favorite thing is monsters (book one) by emil ferris 🧟‍♀️🔍🧛‍♀️

quick synopsis: adult (coming-of-age story from the perspective of a young girl, but definitely targeted at an older audience)/graphic novel. set in late 60′s chicago, the fictional graphic diary of ten year old karen reyes recounts her experiences as she tries to solve the murder of her beautiful and enigmatic upstairs neighbor, a holocaust survivor.

page count: 416

rating:★★★ (this is a hard rating for me...think 3.7-3.9....oscillating to a 4....4.2....I don’t know, man)

review: I keep doing this fun and cool thing where I buy a book without realizing it’s the first in an (unfinished) series, and then end up being cast woefully adrift by reality. that’s what I did with this one. purely based on the artwork alone, I can tell you that this book is a treat for the eyes. a lot is going on here, and there’s something so engrossing about being swept up into the chaotic pen strokes and colors. the story is an interesting one, and not entirely what you expect. the characters are all distinct and layered---really riveting people who feel near-painfully real. as the first book in a two (?) book series, it leaves off with the central (and now additional) mysteries unsolved---which leaves the reading experience feeling unfinished and kind of disjointed. I’m stuck in a bit of a confusing mid-zone with this one, where I truly....well, I can't say I enjoyed it, since this story is so much more than that? I was...fascinated? enveloped? I’ll be reading the next one, definitely.

one of us is lying by karen m. mcmanus 🥜🚓📱

quick synopsis: young adult/contemporary mystery/suspense. five students walk into detention. only four make it out alive. who did it...and who is lying?

page count: 361

rating:★★★ (firm 3.7)

review: the breakfast club....but with murder? if you’re down for that, you’ll enjoy this book! it certainly kept my attention. and MAN was this a suspenseful and super stressful read. (if you need a book that’ll make you go “wow, I’m glad I’m not in high school anymore”, this is it lol!) there’s a bunch of really interesting character studies going on in this one, and it definitely lends to a tense and involving read. the only reason the rating isn’t any higher is just that certain elements of it didn’t work...entirely...for me. that doesn’t mean that they were bad...just not what I...wanted? there’s two more books in this series, and while I’m not anxious to get my hands on them, I’m fairly sure I would read them!

murder at morrington hall: a stella and lyndy mystery by clara mckenna 🐎🍵💏

quick synopsis: adult/historical mystery. 1905. stella kendrick, a lively and confident american heiress, is tricked into an arranged marriage by her coldly ambitious father. her groom-to-be is viscount “lyndy” lyndhurst, who is both roughish and financially strapped. despite this rough beginning, they find themselves oddly drawn to each other. could they actually be a good match? however, all courtship is set aside when the pair discover the vicar who was  to marry them----dead in the library. now they must work together to solve the crime and find the culprit.

page count: 304

rating: ★★

review: ugh, it pains me to say, as I thought I was signing myself up for a fun turn-of-the-century murder mystery/romance...but this was just...meh. a meh story. I feel like it had potential to be an enjoyable, soapy romp with a dash of sensuality...but it was none of those things? (basically, I wanted a self-indulgent and delicious slice of chocolate cake...but I ended up with a week-old raisin muffin.) it didn't help that I had some issues with certain things the writer included. in particular, I REALLY didn’t like the equating of fat = mean/ugly and the repeated use of the word “bulbous” to describe certain characters noses----I had to do a quick google search to see what the hell the author was talking about. still not sure if she was trying to imply that the characters had rhinophyma/rosacea or just that they had bigger, “ugly” noses, but neither is good lmao. whenever you put a “plain/regular-degular person” with a big nose up against your array of stock White People™ characters with thin noses and angular faces, AND make those “plain” characters play the “wow, I’m so ugly but these characters are so pretty oh woe is me” bullshit in their inner monologue, I’m dipping. I’ve collected my paycheck, clocked out, left the building. (your story is already about a bunch of rich, straight, white people in 1905...I’m already skeptical, don’t test me. jk, but also not.) I’m fairly sure this would have caused a decent amount of people to DNF this book, but I’m a stubborn little bitch, and if I paid actual money for the hardcover copy at goddamn Barnes and Noble, I’m reading it. this is all to say that....if I’m being thrown out of enjoying your soapy historical murder mystery to gripe about random shit, there’s a problem. other than that? carpet was described a lot, the twist was decent, the romance was okay (no smut---or anything even vaguely close to romantic/sexual tension---and the kisses were not described at all, so I have no clue if either of them do more than press their lips together while admiring each others pale necks, but whatever), and the setting was the most interesting thing about this book (a crumbling english estate in the countryside?? sign me tf up). I won’t be reading anything more in this series, but that cover is pretty cool isn’t it? (I don’t know that the vase had anything to do with the story I read, but it does look really neat.) sidenote: hate to be a smarmy asshole, as I know full well how much work goes into writing, and I’m in no way trying to shame the author...this book just didn’t do it for me.

wilder girls by rory power 🌳🦷🥀

quick synopsis: young adult/horror/mystery. on an isolated island off the coast of maine, raxter school for girls is under quarantine. a mysterious disease has wracked the island, leaving teachers dead, students twisted and changed, and the woods that surround it dangerous and wild. while the disease consumes the island, the girls wait---for help, for the cure that was promised to them. but when hetty’s best friend disappears, she must venture out of the safety of the school, past the gate that separates them from the woods---and what she finds will change everything.

page count: 363

rating: ★★★★★

review: powerful, blistering, and utterly terrifying. that’s what immediately comes to mind when thinking about this book. I read it in a breakneck pace, devouring the whole thing in a feverish five? hour haze. once it was over, I sat bleary-eyed, the air around me feeling different than before, my hands tense and my stomach jumping. “you were a good one.” I said softly, kissing the spine. so yeah, it’s good. it’s very good. heartbreaking and awful and shockingly beautiful. this one hurts. I felt this one in my bones, in my soul. read it.

lovely war by julie berry 🌷💥💞

quick synopsis: young adult (but the youngest character is 18...so I think this could comfortably slot into adult)/historical (with a touch of fantasy). the intersecting stories of hazel, james, aubrey, and colette: a classical pianist from london, a british would-be-architect-turned-soldier, a harlem-born ragtime genius in the u.s. army, and a belgian orphan with a gorgeous voice and a devastating past----told by the goddess aphrodite, who must spin the tale or face judgment on mount olympus.

page count: 468

rating: ★★★★★

review: do you know how many times I CRIED while reading this book? because I certainly don’t! I lost track, as there are simply too many painful and beautiful things contained in this book. heart-wrenching, sumptuous and intoxicating, vivid in the best and worst ways, sharp and soft at the same time. I met my boyfriend while he was still active-duty military, so the wartime/seperation themes hit me very personally....but even without that, this book is excellent. expertly weaving together mythology and history in one gripping piece of art, it left me with a wistful smile on my face and a faint ache in my heart. it’s good. very good.

we have always lived in the castle by shirley jackson 🏡💀🐱

quick synopsis: young adult? adult? who knows!/mystery/horror. mary katherine blackwood is eighteen years old and lives with her sister constance. she has often thought that with any luck at all she would have been born a werewolf, because the two middle fingers on both of her hands are the same length, but she has had to be content with what she has. she dislikes washing herself, and dogs, and noise. she likes her sister constance, and richard plantagenet, and amanita phalloides, the death-cup mushroom. everyone else in her family is dead.

page count: 146

rating: ★★★★ (4.5/4.6!)

review: delightfully creepy and utterly odd, with a full cast of extremely unlikable characters and one of the strangest protagonists I’ve ever read. at NO TIME did I have any idea where the story was going, which lead to an completely bizarre (but fun!) reading experience. twilight-zonian/gothic...but better. very eager to read more of shirley jackson’s catalogue, because that lady sure knew how to weave a tale. very glad I read this one.

sadie by courtney summers 📻👥🎙

quick synopsis: young adult (mc is nineteen, and imo I feel like this slides into adult tbh)/contemporary/true crime. told from the alternating perspectives of nineteen-year-old sadie, who runs away from home to find her younger sister’s killer, and a true crime podcast exploring sadie’s disappearance.

page count: 308

rating: ★★★ 

review: sad, awful, raw. that’s this book, simultaneously bright red and angry and deep blue, sadness upon sadness. this book reminds me of every true crime documentary I’ve ever watched---how it wraps itself up in a depressingly soft way, all the emptiness left behind and everything forever-changed. gives me the same icky voyeuristic feeling consuming any true crime content always leaves with me---this peculiar feeling of peering in to others heartbreak, of their horrors. this is a hard book. it’s difficult and not easy to stomach---and it never lets up. know that before you go in. what you may expect/want is NOT what you’ll get. and that’s the trueness of this book. I have my own personal feelings regarding the story, thus the three star rating, but that’s on ME. this book is incredibly well-written and insanely gripping. I finished it the same night I started reading it. if you want a gritty, intense read set in the very bleak reality of our world, this is your book.

FEBRUARY

BOOKS READ: 14

PAGES READ: 4225

# OF 2020 BOOKS READ SO FAR: 17/50

in reflection: my goal for this month was to read ten books, and I did that ...plus four more! so I’m pretty proud of myself, lol! there were a lot of stellar reads this month, and I had so much fun discovering them all! definitely a TON of new favorites to add to my bookshelf! :^)

disclaimer: all fourteen of the books I read this month include/focus on potentially triggering content, although they do fluctuate on the scale of intensity and subject matter. my wrap-up reviews do not contain spoilers/a comprehensive list of potential triggers. I urge everyone to do their own research regarding the content of these books if you’re interested in reading them, and I’m always available for questions. my reviews are just that, reviews, and books that work for me may not work for you (and vice versa).

[nodesiretogrowup]

alright, round 2

Quack Pack!:

Damn, they just throw you into the sitcom. I love it. All the overacting and over the top poses/reactions are great

Dewey’s entrance is great

Is the bear the one from the last episode?

“I’ve shenaned-once, I’ll shenan-again” BEAUTIFUL

And then he just one-legged hops up the stairs backwards

I liked the Della and Louie are both wearing green. It’s a cute thing to tie them together

ON THE MOOOOOOOOON

Louie totally did this scheme with Dewey in Della’s place at some point

The fact that Scrooge stops to entertain the idea is great

 “We’ve got about...30 mins” I love when shows make allusions to the actual runtime

Beakley and Webby had the BEST ENTRANCE! They must have seen the Lady Gaga halftime show

That dangerous agent stuff is probably gonna come back. Next week is the spy episode so...

“I’m not a spy” I wonder how that worked in the plot of the fake show. Did Beakley do spy stuff? It just doesn’t make sense for a sitcom

From the get-go Huey could tell things were off

WHY DID DONALD HAVE TO MAKE SUCH A SEXY FACE AT THE CAMERA?! I DON’T WANT TO HAVE A CRUSH ON DONALD! CURSE THE DT CREW FOR MAKING DONALD HOT! AND THE SEXY VOICE!

I wish they had just used the Quack Pack intro for the theme this episode

I want Launchpad’s band to somehow exist. I liked the girl’s design a lot

INTRODUCING DELLA!

“QUACK PACK WAS TAPED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.” Oh 90s sitcoms

When you rewatch the episode you can see they foreshadowed the twist. Donald looks directly into the camera an awful lot for someone that doesn’t know there even is a camera

Knox Quackington? Even for a show full of punny names, that is a ridiculous name

His outfit looks more “ace reporter” than “eccentric photographer”

“He’s a spy” Do you think Gene was trying to pretend to be a spy for the wacky misunderstanding of the episode in-universe or he just didn’t know how photographers act?

“YOU’RE SO SMALL! But so STRONG!” Webby has probably killed a man

The screen wipes are GREAT, though that feels more like an anime thing than sitcom. Sitcom scene wipes usually were establishing shots of the house they live in or the city. I’ve watched far too much tv

Louie’s lie speil was great and solid logic

“Time is money, kids, and I’d rather spend time because it’s not money” Inspirational

Donald sure cares a lot about the lighting. How would he know the office had the best lighting, hmmmmm

Something about that hand movement makes me think 90s but I’m not sure why

Dewey doing the dance that the triplets do in Mr. Duck Steps Out is cute

The blank pages made me think about how people can’t read in their dreams

“On the moon we had this old saying-always check your pockets” To be fair, that is good advice

Poor Huey just CAN’T catch a break! First he hallucinates a talking guidebook (THAT BURNS TO DEATH AND COMES BACK AS A GHOST) now reality is SHATTERING BEFORE HIM. Yeah...this season’s gonna do a number on this kid. Hopefully he gets a break next week

“Since when are YOU a hairstylist?” “SINCE THE INTERNET” Now THAT is a quarantine MOOD right there 

So we learn later that SHABOOEY is Gene’s catchphrase, is Dewey saying it because he’s being controlled by Gene in that moment? 

Donald looks into the camera again

SOMEONE HELP THIS CHILD! HIS WORLD IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL

THE FUCKING PEP COMMERCIAL! GOD IT WAS SO 90S AND BEAUTIFUL!! I NEED THE SONG TO BE RELEASED! 

Maybe because it was a soda ad in a Disney Afternoon-based show, but the commercial made me think of Coo-Coo Cola from Rescue Rangers

Ducktales-the ONLY Disney show with an in-universe “and you’re watching Disney Channel”

I love Huey dearly but....it’s really fun watching him MCFRICKIN LOSE IT

Dewey can’t throw...because he’s a theatre kid

Donald looks at the camera again

Louie’s wipe DEFINITELY looks like something out of an anime. Is Louie secretly a weeb? I mean he is in a different show

Gene doing his best not to break character. A true thespian through and through

“Yo” *all the ladies cheer*

All of the sudden BAM Launchpad has a band. Is he the Uncle Jesse?

I love that we don’t get to hear them play

“Trapped in a mystical prison that’s constantly laughing at us” I call that my brain :’)

“WHO ARE THOSE LITTLE GUYS?”

“I figured if anyone would crack, it’d be Dewey” Huey seems WAY more likely to snap imho

“But that was from soul-crushing loneliness” Della, you wanna talk about that? With a professional perhaps?

“We need some wacky hijinks!”

“HOW DID I GET HERE? WHY AM I DANCING?” Huey gets SO MANY great lines this episode

And once again we have Donald looking directly into the camera

“Cute girl stuff” Della probably went around with a meat tenderizer as a kid, so it’s normal

Goofy seemed to be aware of the cheering. HMMMMMMM

AAAAAAAAAAAAND.....GOOF TROOP POSE

I’ve been calling DT17 Goofy Chibi Goofy because of how short he is compared to how he normally looks. They probably made him shorter so he and Donald fit in a single frame easier. I know a lot of the boarders/animators for the show have a hard time doing scenes with Launchpad and the kids because of how MASSIVE he is compared to the kids

Goofy knew something was different about Donald. HMMMMMMM

The way Don delivers the line “You CAN help” has a weird inflection, at least to me

I want Goofy thinking to become a meme and people put random sounds over it like those are Goofy’s thoughts

That face-slap was loud

AND DONALD LOOKS INTO THE CAMERA LIKE HE’S ON THE OFFICE

Where was Dewey that whole time? He kind of just...disappears for a bit

Oh Launchpad, you MAJESTIC himbo. And Gene smiles, too cute

“Getting the lid off that peanut butter jar was an adventure” In that household it probably could have

Donald using Louie and Della’s names when he could have just said you broke your mom’s vase or something like that

You look pretty nervous there, Donny-boy

“I don’t mean the last episode” Good, because you kinda lost your mind in the last episode

Wow, flashbacking is TRIPPY

“EVERYONE, TILT YOUR HEAD TO THE LEFT THEN SCRATCH YOUR CHIN” So that’s how you do it

“We should really get back to the plot, I mean problem”

Why don’t you want to flashback, DONALD?

lol Goofy does it too even though he wasn’t present for that event

Gene’s just blankly staring in the background

“REMINISCE HARDER” What you tell yourself as you take a test and are trying to remember what you studied

Yay, the journal is brought up!

“How many lamps did this jerk have?” Excellent question

Webby looks INSANE and Huey FULLY SUPPORTS HER

DONALD HAS PTSD AND NEEDS HELP

I feel like Gene took some MAJOR liberties with Donald’s wish. When I think normal family problems I don’t think of sitcoms. In fact that is the FURTHEST THING from what I think of as normal. Then again Gene is played by Urkel, so that might be his normal

Speaking of, does Gene know that they are all ALREADY in a tv show? How far does this rabbit hole go?

“EVERYONE STOP CATCHPHRASING!” “Is ‘I’m not a spy’ seriously my catchphrase?” You deserve better, Beakley

Of COURSE Dewey’s cool with it...because he’s a theatre kid

DEAR LORD, SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN!

Gene just trying to sneak out. I don’t think he wanted to deal with all that family drama

“HOW MANY MORE SECRETS DOES THIS AGENT HAVE?!” Oh Launchpad. Next week you’ll learn all about secrets and agents and secret agents

Gene feels like what would happen if all of Genie’s pop culture references were limited to the 90s. I LOVE IT

“AGES! The long ago year of 1990!” Well I feel old (born in 91). His eyes after he says it are just AMAZING

Gene being so knowledgeable about what makes great tv is hilarious. Clearly he should have directed the Darkwing movie lol

Seriously though, this really gives us a good look at Donald’s psyche. The guy just wants his family to be safe. But it’s even deeper than that. He wants to be normal, which includes him having a voice that’s easier for people to understand. He’s got a lot of baggage and trauma that needs to be dealt with, mainly how he views himself. Like, fuck

The HURT you see in Della’s eyes when Donald talks about why he likes it there BROKE ME

Huey’s line about adventuring being who they are got me teary eyed

Goofy just shrugs as he walks out

Of course Launchpad was gonna get the multiple dates plot. We’re ALL thirsty for some Launchpad

“Probably at least 3 seasons, plus spinoffs, and I assume they’ll reboot the show eventually.” Lines like this make me think Gene is very aware he is in a tv show

WHY THE FUCK WERE THE AUDIENCE HUMANS?! IS GENE AWARE THAT HUMANS EXIST AND ARE WATCHING THE VERY SHOW HE’S ON?! WHAT IS REAL ANYMORE?!

 “HORRIBLE, FLESH-FACED MONSTERS!” Not gonna argue with that

Dewey is SUCH a drama queen

I don’t like how Scrooge called Gene genie. He told you his name, there’s no need to be rude

POGS

Ok the study date girl kinda reminds me of Laura from Family Matters, but that might just be because Urkel is there lol

How old is Launchpad supposed to BE in the sitcom? I don’t think a 30-something is going on many study dates

“You all seem real nice, I feel bad about the mix-up” LAUNCHPAD YOU BEAUTIFUL HIMBO

OH GOD THE LAURA DUCK IN THE BACKGROUND. JESUS

Beakley and Della telling the dates to find themselves and to be independent SLAYED ME. I was NOT expecting that!

“AH, MY PET SNAKE!” “Louie why would you have this?” “THIS IS A POORLY CONCEIVED STORYLINE!” “Eh, everyone’s a critic.” Louie’s right though, DEWEY would be the one with an exotic pet. Or any pet

Tiny Johnny and Randy

WHY ARE THE HUMAN KIDS’ PROPORTIONS SO MUCH WORSE THAN THE ADULTS?! THEY HAVE GIANT FUCKING HEADS!

 PUT SOME PEP IN YOUR STEP

The ENTIRE SCENE of Goofy and Donald together was SO HEARTWARMING and something we could NEVER GET before this series!  Having Donald and Goofy talk about being parents is WONDERFUL! It’s something we’ve never seen before with these characters. Donald just wants to be normal and Goofy giving a beautiful speech about how there really is no normal so enjoy the candid moments in life. I LEGIT CRIED

OF COURSE Goofy would have the wallet overflowing with pictures, he is THAT DAD. Seeing Max was great. I thought we might see PJ but I SQUEE’D when they showed the picture of Max and Roxanne! I hope they show up for real later on

We get a hint at the OTHER twist here with Goofy actively encouraging Donald to put things back to normal while everyone else that aren’t the Duck family are trying to keep them there

Also, Goofy’s ears have bones

DON’T MESS WITH DONALD’S FAMILY. It will NOT end well for you

Goofy just starts snapping pics, like the true photographer he is

SAX TIME

“LET’S GET QUACKING” It’s no “I AM THE STORM” but still good

AVENGERS CAMERA SPIN

“A lamp in a lamp?” I can’t tell if that is BRILLIANT or lazy. Or BRILLIANTLY LAZY

“YA HA HA HOOOOWIIIIIEEEEE” It wouldn’t be a proper Goofy cameo without the yell

The scorpions got bored and left

 “The sound of no one laughing never sounded SO GOOD”

“BEST EPISODE EVER!” Definitely in my top 5

“Gawrsh, that’s sweet.” *does a cute wave* “Wait, Goofy was really here this whole time?”

Ok, but where was Goofy before then? Did Gene poof him away from something important? I WANT ANSWERS!

I bet they had this bit so people wouldn’t freakout like they did with Darkwing

I love Launchpad just being confused and waving at Goofy. He’s never met the dude before so it’s understandable. But I NEED they to have a proper interaction. THING OF THE PROPERTY DAMAGE!

“Magic’s got NOTHIN’ on a big name guest star” YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN A SHOW!

Lowkey want that Goofy lava lamp

The little Maxes flying over Goofy’s head...ADORABLE

PLEASE TELL ME THEY GOT GOOFY HOME SAFE

Donald using his last wish on the picture made me tear up. He could have had ANYTHING. He could have wished for a normal voice. But he used it for a family memory

Donald and Beakley both looked into the camera for the picture. WHILE FIGHTING DEMON HUMANS.

I can’t lie, THIS was the episode I was most excited for even before we got the premiere date. I was excited for the 90s cheesiness. Then we found out Goofy was gonna be in it and I got even more excited. Goofy is one of my faves, especially Dad Goofy. I was expecting it to be balls-to-the-wall insanity nonstop but they got me in the feels too. I want more of this Goofy and Donald. The two of them being single parents who lost someone close to them. Like I said earlier, this episode is in my top 5 for sure.

[sobstoriesandshitposts]

2019 has already ended but here’s a list (+ my unasked for opinions) of all the books I’ve read in 2019 in chronological order, Part 2.

((Disclaimer: this is a shitpost for myself and highly overrun by my emotions — I shall not be held accountable if my opinion is taken seriously. And I know it’s 2020 already, but procrastination is prevalent.))

By the way, here’s part 1, if you’d like.

8. The Dragon Republic

Rin was an absolute mess the entire book and god knows how frustrated I got with the dumb decisions™ she made every step of the way. But the poor girl was going through some shit and she picked it all up at the end, so I’m ready for the third installment, and to finally, see the end of the poppy war. Also, THE THIRD BOOK HAS BEEN NAMED “THE BURNING GOD” and I stan. But generally, book 2 wasn’t very memorable to me, and I don’t remember it very well anymore so it was eh.

Characters: 3/5

Plot: 3.5/5

General feel things factor: 3.5/5

9. An Ember in the Ashes

God, I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED BY THIS BOOK. I almost hate it. I might actually. It’s definitely the book I dislike most of 2019. Ok listen, I’m pretty sure I dislike it because I hadn’t been in the right mindset to read it, and it just ended up not being the kind of book I was looking for in terms of plot and mood. Maybe it was intentional, but everything ended up being really dreary and boring and so underwhelming to me. I didn’t feel anything for the story nor for the characters (whose names I no longer remember). I mostly wanted to follow the first girl’s story rather than the other two characters (even though honestly, I didn’t care for what was happening to her either) so I ended up skimming half of the book and then forcing myself to finish the rest of it. Why didn’t I just DNF it? I don’t know too. I was probably going through some kinda mood.

Characters: 1/5

Plot: 1.5/5

General feel things factor: 1/5

10. To Kill a Kingdom

NOW. I’ve seen some reviews on this, and boy, were they mixed — but let’s ignore them, because here is my significant opinion: it was cute. I think tkak is just a simple, short fantasy-romance that got out a cute couple and was done with it. I loved Lira’s character, idk there was just something about her dryness (hah, even though she’s a siren-) that I really enjoyed. Although I have to say, the main guy character had been rather bland, and I don’t remember his name anymore. But anyway, I liked the first-meeting-girl-slaps-boy-scene. I liked the pirates. I liked the romance. I liked the straight-forwardness. I liked the happy ending. (And after AEITA, this was exactly what I needed.) So 10 points to Alexandra Christo.

Characters: 3.5/5

Plot: 3.5/5

General feel things factor: 3.5/5

11. An Enchantment of Ravens

SO. DAMN. ADORABLE. Some people hate enchantment, some people don’t. I personally absolutely loved it. I found Isobel and Rook so cute together, and everything was just really soft and fluffy. Like tkak, it’s just a short and sweet romance, but it leans more towards the fairytale vibes — and I was vibing. I found both the main characters so whimsical and dramatic and ridiculous and they were just so ENJOYABLE to read about. The plot was simple and to the point and it didn’t meander when it didn’t have to — so I don’t care what anyone has to say, an enchantment of ravens is probably one of my favorite reads in 2019 and I adore it. (And the line “Now stop making me feel things.” is just iconic to me. I mean, please, Rook.)

Characters: 4.5/5

Plot: 4/5

General feel things factor: 4.5/5

12. Graceling

Alright, so this is the book I ended on before I stopped reading, aka stopped ignoring the reality of my exams, to start studying for my exams. I found Po and Katsa cute together and I enjoyed their dynamics, but they got a little boring towards the end. I think their relationship got too mature and serious for me (or maybe exams looming over my head just made me really depressed) so they lost the childish charm about them that had drawn me in in the first place. But that doesn’t change the fact that Katsa is an absolute badass, that the entire scene in the courtyard where they fought is iconic, and that the truth behind Po’s sight at the end made me cry. Wasn’t my favourite, but graceling was enjoyable, which was exactly what I needed to feel satisfied to end on, and not too drawn into a world that I needed another one to replace it after it ended. Thank you Graceling, for saving whatever had been left of my grades.

Characters: 2.5/5

Plot: 3/5

General feel things factor: 3/5

13. The Cruel Prince (& The Wicked King & The Queen Of Nothing)

This is definitely my favourite book (and series) of 2019 and I was ruined by it. I actually had to reread the cruel prince, because the first time I did, I didn’t enjoy it and that didn’t sit right with me — I mean, come on, Holly Black is my queen and there’s no way I’d dislike a 4.2 star book of hers. And boy, was that one of the best decisions I’ve made in 2019. I was so immersed in Jude’s world and everything she was about to face; I rooted for her the whole way. I loved her character so, so much (for once, we get an mc that is actually smart). I loved Cardan so, so much. Honestly, I truly liked all of the characters. And Jurdan? I live for that sh*t. I was completely floored by this trilogy and I. Still. Want. More. (+ The quotes from this series??? Just freaking iconic.)

Characters: 5/5

Plot: 5/5

General feel things factor: 5/5

14. Sorcery of Thorns

Ah, yes, another one of the books I was disappointed by. After An Enchantment of Ravens, I had been so excited to read the second work of Margaret Rogerson, but it wasn’t what I thought it’d be. I really enjoyed it at first, but around the half way point I started to get bored and almost DNFed it. And yes, I am aware that Sorcery is meant to be an epic fantasy and is different from Enchantment, but I just thought that the characters would still have that whimsical, ridiculous flair that had been done so well in Enchantment — but the character building here kind of just fell flat for me. Although there were moments I did enjoy reading about Elisabeth and Nathaniel, I just didn’t really see the chemistry between them and I couldn’t appreciate their interactions and banter much. I felt like Silas was just a cookie-cutter “cold on the outside but warm on the inside” character as well. Okay, I’m being extra harsh on this book because of my crushing disappointment from great expectations, but actually, Sorcery had been a pretty good read that started off well. Although the middle got a little dry, i think it picked itself up again at the end and I felt compelled to finish it. Plus, Silas’ moment made me tear up even when I hadn’t expected myself to, so, that’s always a bonus.

Characters: 3/5

Plot: 3/5

General feel things factor: 3/5

15. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue

So whimsical. So funny. So light-hearted — yet it had the surprise punch-you-in-the-gut feels. I spent a good deal of time laughing over Henry’s antics (when he ran naked around Versailles???? Oh my god, what are you doing, Henry?) and his efforts at trying to be a decent human-being. It was honestly, a very heart-felt and romantic story, which really has me torn up because how does Mackenzi Lee weave in so many heavy, important themes like abuse, trauma, racial and sexual discrimination and mental illness, and still make it such a light-hearted story — that was done well? (And lets not forget how she’s also managed to include some serious Fullmetal Alchemist vibes in there complete with murders and violins and pirates. Geez.) She’s a genius that’s how. The number of times I’ve almost cried, but was saved by Henry’s comments is just- ugh. If there’s any book I’d recommend just for being a damn good book, it’d be this one because, wow, was it good.

Characters: 4.5/5

Plot: 4/5

General feel things factor: 4.5/5

16. Carry On

We have now reached my final book of 2019: it was an absolute delight and one of my favourites. I just loved the characters, like they were so enjoyable to read about. I mean, I felt like Simon had a stick up his ass for a good portion of the beginning, but he softened up later on and my god, Baz. I loved his character so much. And the pining? HELL YES. And then, of course, his refusal to admit that he was pining to anyone else but himself. Simon and Baz were just extremely shippable, and I was ready to gobble up whatever I could of their romance. So fluffy, so ridiculous. Rainbow Rowell also made good use of the switching POVs. I normally dislike it when author’s switch the perspectives because it tells a side of the story that I really don’t care for (ahem, an ember in the ashes...) but Rowell did it so damn well. Even Agatha’s pov was enjoyable. She provided a different perspective on things compared to the other characters and I actually really liked her “I don’t want to have anything to do with this bullshit” take on things. It was fresh, and funny, even if she was being an ass half the time. So, Carry On? It’s a yes from me.

Characters: 4/5

Plot: 3/5

General feel things factor: 4/5

And finally, my 3 DNFs, in which I will rant about them just a little:

1) Wicked Fox

Didn’t like the writing style. Normally I don’t notice writing styles much because I’m just not that good with the technicalities, but Wicked Fox’s bothered me and I just couldn’t enjoy it. Also, I wasn’t in the mood to be patient, so I just decided to drop it.

2) Serpent & Dove

I actually really liked the beginning, but I think I wasn’t in the right headspace and I started to get bored by it, so I stopped reading. I’ll probably pick it up again in the future when I’m in the mood for it though :)

3) Throne or Glass

My god. I picked this up purely as tribute for Feysand — which, I guiltily admit, I really enjoyed — but- I- I couldn’t get past the first five chapters of tog. Putting aside the writing style (Why! Are! There! So! Many! Exclamation! Marks!), I didn’t feel anything for any of the characters, and any of the scenes. I don’t know what it is, but everything just felt so disconnected from me, and I had an inkling that I wasn’t going to care about what happened to the mc, or what happened with her and the other two (who I presume are) love interests because even on first impression, and a little past that, both seemed so bland to me. Sigh.

That’s it for the list; if you’re still here, good on you.

[pseudonymsobriquet]

Tag Meme!

Rules: Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. Don’t cheat. Tag some people.

Thanks for tagging me, @boostthatgold and @ninja-crybaby~! Sorry it took me so long to finally do... (>~<)

Carole and Tuesday

One Punch Man

Parasyte: The Maxim

Fullmetal Alchemist

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Who is your favourite character in 2? Its very close between Genos and Saitama, but I think Genos wins by a hair (no pun intended). The borg is so emotional and loving and I just wanna give him a hug.

Who is your least favourite character in 1? Oh Cybelle, definitely. She’s a horrible person. Which is a damn shame since her song “La Ballade” is an absolute bop.

What is your favourite episode of 4? Episode 54, “Beyond the Inferno”. [SPOILERS AHEAD] Riza seeing through Envy’s disguise with ease, Roy confronting Hughes killer, a discussion on how hatred only breeds hatred and what makes someone human. The sympathy and pity you feel for Envy... there are so many great moments in this one episode and it’s one that I always remember to this day despite not having seen the series in at least four years. 

What’s your favourite season of 5? It only has one season, so I guess it’s season one by default lol. It was one hell of a ride for sure. Lots of interesting discussions and horrifying reveals, and does a great job at a “genre sike” by being relatively family friendly until episode three where everything gets turned upside down and you realise it’s a psychological horror despite the cute art style.

Who is your favourite couple in 3? Shinji and Murano were the only official couple in the show, but I definitely didn’t ship it. Kinda felt like you could take Murano completely out of the story and everything still would have been the same. Honestly, Shinji and Kana had better chemistry, but Kana needed to work on some of her stuff before that could happen. A relationship with Shinji and Hideo could have been interesting, too.

Who is your favourite couple in 2? I’m a huge fan of Saitama and Genos as a couple! They both help each other to work on their issues and become a better person. Genos helped bring Saitama out of his depression and to be more emotive, and open up to people, eventually leading to a happier more enjoyable life and him gaining a network of friends to rely on. Saitama in turn helped Genos to overcome his uncontrollable rage and to think more before acting so he doesn’t end up hurt as much. Also he taught him to focus on things other than revenge (though that may have lead to a bit of an obsession with Saitama himself lol). Every domestic interaction between the two seems natural and effortless, and if one is hurt the other goes wild which is an A+ trope that I just love lmao. I could write a damn essay on why these two are perfect for each other honestly. 

What is your favourite episode of 1? The last episode! It’s the end of a series, but the start of something great for all the characters. Also the Miraculous Seven Minutes was absolutely phenomenal and I’m so glad I watched it in the show before I listened. I also cried like four times during that seven minutes because of what it meant to the characters, and I don’t often cry at things! So this show making me cry four times in seven minutes is a feat of its own! Watch Carole & Tuesday folks, you won’t regret it. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll wanna bop along with the characters during every song.

What is your favourite episode of 5? Ooft, Episode 6, “This Just Can’t Be Right”. The absolute bombshell that was dropped towards the end was just horrifying in every way and I honestly didn’t see it coming. I think this was the point that both the characters and the audience realised exactly what a horrifying ordeal being a magical girl really was. Episode 8, “I was Stupid... So Stupid” is a very close second, and gives us another bombshell reveal I didn’t see coming that ramped up the horror even more. I won’t give any spoilers on these episodes tho ‘cause it’s one of those “it’s better if you experience it yourself” moments. What I will say is that Madoka Magica is a psychological horror at its heart, don’t let the cutesy art style fool you. 

What is your favourite season of 2? Season 1 by a long shot. I’ve personally seen the entirety of season 1 at least six times over, whereas I watched Season two once as it released. I enjoyed the second season and would love a third season to release, but season one was superior in every way. Maybe it’s because I feel like less happened in season two? Or that there was more focus on human interaction and relationships in the first? Or perhaps it’s because I really saw myself in season one Saitama? Whatever the reason, I could still happily watch season one like six more times.

How long have you watched 1? Carole & Tuesday only released last year, but I started watching when there were only three episodes out subbed! From there I kept watching it weekly as it released, and I’m so glad I decided to watch it because it quickly became one of my fave animes of all time. 

How did you become interested in 3? I first heard about Parasyte when I was about sixteen? I’m sure I saw it on a list of great horror manga while I was looking for something new to read. I actually read quite far in but never finished because I had to study for exams then lost my place and just never went back. Then this year, a full nine years later, I saw the anime was on Netflix and I remembered just how much I’d loved reading what I did of it, so I started and finished it in three days lol. Turns out I wasn’t far from the end when I’d lost my place all those years ago. It brought back nostalgia of something I loved as a teen and I loved how well animated it was (even though it can look a little silly at times). I’d definitely recommend Parasyte to anyone interested in horror anme and manga.

Who is your favourite actor in 4? Edward Elric’s Japanese voice actress Romi Park was my fave. She has The Range. When she voices Ed, I honestly believe every emotion, every performance she gives. From a scared child to a hero saving the world, she does an amazing job. 

Which do you prefer: 1, 2, or 5? It’s gonna be a close one between Carole & Tuesday and One Punch Man, that’s for sure. One Punch Man was an anime where I saw myself in the main character and his journey through depression and not knowing what to do in life, and Carole & Tuesday made me feel emotions I haven’t felt in a very long time and stressed the importance of music and friendship. Although, considering I have the Carole & Tuesday songs on a playlist and know every word to them all, and the impact that the series finale (and the series as a whole) had on me, I’m going to have to say Carole & Tuesday win this round because of just how much it meant to me. 

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? Oh man, I’d wanna be Olivier. The strength, the confidence, the pizazz... I think Olivier is everything I wanna be lmao. 

Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? Parasyte and Fullmetal Alchemist? Hell yeah, I’d love to see that crossover. Maybe the parasites in that world could be a type of homunculous or something? They both had the same idea of infiltrating the government for their own personal gain too.

Pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple? Gus and Flora would make a great couple, I could definitely see them getting together after the series ends. Carole and Tuesday would be great too, though they work just as well as friends.

Overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5? Tricky, but I’d have to go with Parasyte. There were a lot of interesting moments and discussions in the series that pulled me in, like “what is humanity?” and “what makes someone human?” and “at what point is someone no longer human?” and “is it possible for humans and parasites to coexist?” Madoka Magica was a great series, had some great moments and asked some equally as interesting questions, but I think Parasyte pulled it off better in the end.

Which has better theme music, 2 or 4? Oooohhhh, that’s a tough one... One Punch Man or Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood... I just listened yo all the songs from both to try make up my mind and I’m still a bit lost, so let’s go by “what’s more memorable/makes me feel some kind of emotion?” FMA: “Again” by Yui and “Shunkan Sentimental” by Scandal are the only ones that seem familiar and that I can remember when they aren’t in front of me. I know I’ve heard them all (I watched the entire series) but to say it probably has more music, I actually remember very little of it. OPM on the other hand... I know most of the words to “The Hero” by JAM Project and it makes me feel so hyped up. “Apostle of Silence” by JAM Project in the second season is just as rad and memorable. Both of the ending themes are beautiful and emotional. And the first ending theme seems to be about Genos wishing Saitama would come home safe, while the season two’s ending is sung by Saitama’s voice actor and seems to be a reply to the first season’s ending theme? Absolutely gay and iconic, 10/10. Wow, OPM hands down has the best music then I guess lmao.  I tag anyone who sees this that wants to do it~! Have fun, guys~! <3 

[killcommander]

what’s your fav part/dynamic for villanelles & eves relationship

for me, its how they each have almost “unlocked” characteristics that that the other admires but doesn’t think that they have.

disclaimer: i KNOW that these characteristics (at least for sure on eve’s end) aren’t healthy so lets just put that out there so some of y’all don’t have a heart attack over this. 

but i think thats such a relatable experience for a lot of people. through her time with villanelle, eve unlocks this darkness about her that’s been met with disdain by herself, her friends, her husband, etc. she’s always been curious about death and murder. we’ve seen this from the start and throughout the series and the way she describes killing styles as “cool” or even more recently, the scene in 2x05 where everyone else looks away in horror during martin’s presentation and eve can’t help but look. she’s curious and with villanelle, is able to explore this darkness, even though she continues to doubt herself and her ability to do so. examples: “i don’t think i have the stomach for it” while she speaks with the ghost or the way she tries to fight the fact that she and villanelle are alike–note the look on her face in 2x06 when villanelle says “you mean people like us.” eve doesn’t necessarily like it, but she knows its true and can’t refute that. and whether she likes it or not, villanelle’s presence in her life has caused this darkness, this core part of who she’s always been but never let herself get too tangled up in, to blossom. 

meanwhile, for villanelle, she’s realized that she has the ability to feel things, and while it can manifest itself in very unhealthy ways, it thrills her. we know this from the way she smiles when she cries in the mirror in 2x04. we get more insight into this in her monologue at the AA meeting in 2x06: the girl is fucking bored. she WANTS to feel. and suddenly she’s having all these feelings, ones that she doesn’t quite understand probably. (”you think she loves you? then make her hate you. hate is something she understands; it’s manageable.”) 

so while in the context of these two ladies’ lives, its an absolute mess that allows for the destruction of what they’ve known previously in their lives to something new and dark and sexy and everything in between… it’s something that i think is so relatable to the human experience as a whole. how many times in your life have you been like “wow, i wish i was more like X because i admire Y about them.” and in the case of someone you start spending lots of time with or spend lots of time thinking about, its easy to start to understand how that person practices and manages those qualities. an example: i have lots of opinions and want to be able to advocate for myself better both personally and professionally, but i always keep those thoughts to myself. then i started interning for this badass woman who is all about her integrity and sharing her thoughts even when the majority may not agree. and i admired that SO MUCH. but you know what i found as i spent more time with her and realized all the other things we had in common? i felt more comfortable speaking up and asserting myself because i felt like seeing someone else do it gave me the permission to do so and unlock this sense of advocacy within me. does that make any sense? i may just be rambling at this point.

obviously my personal example is a little lighter and happier than what we see with villanelle and eve, but i think what makes their dynamic and the show as a whole so fascinating is that it displays so many relatable themes and turns it on its head but in a way that still makes these characters SO fascinating and loveable. and i think on some level, its intriguing to watch because a lot of us are eve polastri just one villanelle (whatever or whoever that may be) away from jumping off the deep end. 

whether that be good or bad. 

anyway now i guess i’ve joined the part of the fandom that gives long, in-depth analyses on the characters ok bye! 

[grellsuke]

do you have any good lgbt manga recs? i just finished shimanami tasogare and loved it

yes!!!

Authors:

yuhki kamatani - the author of shimanami tasogare! kamatani is x-gender (and ace!) and thoroughly incorporates lgbt characters into their works. the others aren’t like focused on the lgbt experience like how shimanami is, but they’re all wonderful and beautiful and have lgbt characters and i highly, highly rec them.

akiko morishima - a lesbian mangaka who i really like! she’s really good abt tackling the traditional stereotypes in yuri manga as well as writing stuff about older characters and frankly discussing sexuality and shit. she also has works that are not yuri manga-centric but iirc a good chunk if not all of them still have lgbt characters, so they’re worth checking out as well! (she does have a few works with some fuckshit in them tho, fair warning)

takako shimura - i don’t personally know what her sexuality is (tho shes a woman, i know this), but shimura is pretty well-known for her lgbt works. wandering son and aoi hana are probably her most famous, at least over here in the west! she also tends to incorporate lgbt themes into her works that don’t center on lgbt characters as well.

ebine yamaji - another lesbian mangaka! yamaji’s works are very... realistic, usually about lesbian working through things. there’s a lot of trauma and a lot of sadness in her works, as well as sexual content, and i really love her art. i haven’t read ALL of her works, but what i have, i’m enamored with. they’re sad but rarely TRAGIC.

hiyori otsu - i don’t actually know otsu’s sexuality, but she’s a shoujo ai/yuri mangaka who writes a lot of genuinely sweet stuff. her works tend to very much be on the softer side of things, even if they can be bittersweet, and i’ve really enjoyed all i’ve read by her. it’s nice to just, be able to read a simple and nice lesbian manga without any major angst or tragedy or even sexual content sometimes, you know?

Autobiographies:

honey x honey by sachiko takeuchi - a slice of life little manga about the author and her girlfriend! it is abt a decade old, which you can see some of, but it’s a really cute peek into their lives and japanese lgbt culture. there ARE sequel(s?), but i unfortunately haven’t managed to find any english translations for them. if you do, let me know!

my lesbian experience with loneliness by kabi nagata - i own this manga! i keep it squirreled away in the bottom of my desk and pull it out every few weeks or so because it’s deeply, deeply relatable to me. the first time i read this manga i sat down and cried because i felt it deep in my soul. absolutely rec!!! there’s also a sequel, my solo exchange diary.

the bride was a boy by chii - a cute little manga about a trans woman named chii, recounting her early years up to her current life, her transition and how she met her husband (+ abt their relationship). it’s super cute and sweet, and very informative!! an absolute rec!!

i was born the wrong sex! by mayufu konishi - i haven’t quite finished this one yet, but this is a highly informative manga about a trans woman heading to thailand for her surgery! it’s extremely extremely informative about every single step of the process, and the author is an absolute delight, so it’s one i’d absolutely rec.

our journey to lesbian motherhood by emiko sugiyama/koyuki higashi/hiroko masuhara - have you heard of the lesbians that got married in disneyland tokyo? this is them!!! this is their autobiographical story of, well, their journey to lesbian motherhood! it’s very good, i definitely enjoyed it - it IS a sequel to another manga by them, but i sadly couldn’t find an english translation anywhere… it’s completely understandable without having read it, though!!

fictional manga:

my brother’s husband by gengoroh tagame - this is one i haven’t read myself, but is pretty damn high up on my ‘next to read’ list. the author is a prominent gay bara author - this is his first dabbling into more family-friendly series. he’s also recently started another family-friendly one called our colors that may be worth looking into as well!

whispered words by takashi ikeda - it’s been a good long while since i’ve read this, but i really enjoyed this when i was younger! (has it already been almost 8 years since it ended?? i feel old) it’s about two lesbians who are best friends - one of which is secretly in love with the other. unfortunately, she’s very much not her friend’s type. :( i vaguely remember some kind of weird crossdressing shenanigans with one character, tho, so tread lightly with that.

koimonogatari by tohru tagura - if you liked shimanami, this is also probably right up your alley! it’s a very realistic manga about a boy finding out that one of his classmates is closeted and gay - and he promptly decides to tell no one because he’s not an asshole, which leads to him being one of this boy’s main confidants. it realistically deals with the homophobia that gay people face, as well as the main character’s slow realization that he’s not necessarily straight, either (or at least, that’s my hypothesis - it’s still ongoing!!). i really enjoyed it.

lonely wolf, lonely sheep by fuka mizutani - two women with the same name, same birth month, and same injury end up meeting by complete coincidence at the hospital. i genuinely adore this manga and all it is. despite it only being one volume long, it deals with heavier topics such as depression, self harm, homophobia, and iirc even suicide. it’s really, really good though and i wish all the best for them.

kono koi ni mirai wa nai by morihashi bingo - i recommend this one tentatively, as the last two chapters are not yet translated (as of 1/11/19), but i enjoyed what was there. despite the label as BL on many sites, this story is actually about a trans woman (tho there is also a gay man in the manga!). the note left off on the most recent chapter, chapter 10, was a very uplifting note that she is not alone and that how she feels is completely, utterly normal, and i have hope for the last two chapters! the art’s really pretty, too, and the metaphors. but again - who knows what could go down in the last two chaps. fingers crossed!

i hear the sunspot by yuki fumino - PLEASE read this one. this manga is about two college-aged young men who end up meeting when one LITERALLY stumbles across the other. kouhei, one of the boys, is hard of hearing - and the other boy, taichi, starts taking notes for him in class in exchange for lunch, and thus begins a friendship that will blossom into romance! it absolutely gets in depth on the hoh/Deaf community in Japan, and is definitely informative - and the guys are just genuinely so sweet (as well as the other characters!!!) and I wish them all the happiness. it’s STILL ONGOING so like, warning on that, but i’m really enjoying it so far. i think there’s also a movie based off it!

cirque arachne by nika saida - this one has some sexual elements to it, so fair warning on that, but i really enjoyed it! it’s a single volume manga about two acrobats that fall in love. the art was cute and i genuinely liked the characters, quite a lot. would definitely rec.

yuureitou by tarou nogizaka - i have not actually read this manga, but it’s another that’s amazingly high up on my to read list. it’s a supernatural horror manga, and the main couple is a trans man and a cis man! i’ve heard good things about it - from people i know personally, as well as just in general - and it’s one i can’t wait to check out.

ohana holoholo by shino tarino - i FEEL like this one is completed, but if it is, the translation isn’t done. either way, i did love what i read from this! ohana holoholo is about a bi woman raising her son along with her ex-girlfriend and their neighbor, nico. it’s really good, one that i HIGHLY recommend, and one of the woman is implied to be trans, too! (fingers crossed they explicitly state it please please please-) overall, i absolutely rec it, please check this out!

no. 6 by atsuko asano/hinoki kino - who HASN’T heard of no. 6? no. 6 is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the government is, well, the government. it involves two young men working to take it down alongside others and they fall in love. and one of the other characters is non-binary! ...honestly that’s probably the best i can describe no. 6 because WOW is it a wild trip. it’s a wild trip that i highly, highly recommend though! you want gays taking down the government alongside killer bees and a magical bug goddess? this is the manga for you. please read it.

asagao to kase san by hiromi takashima & bloom into you by nio nakatani - two shoujo ai manga centering around high schoolers that i haven’t actually read yet, both of which recently got animated adaptations!!! i have heard genuinely fantastic things about both of them (ESPECIALLY) the latter, and bloom into you is actually next on my reading list. they absolutely sound fantastic and i can’t wait to read them!!

seven days by rihito takarai/venio tachibana - a two-volume manga about two high school boys. every week, a boy named seryou goes out with a different girl - he treats them very well, showers them in attention, and then promptly breaks up with them at the end of the week because he didn’t fall in love with them. out of curiosity, his upperclassman, shino, asks him out one week - and thus begins their seven day romance. i really loved this, i really really did.

tamen de gushi by tan jiu - it’s an on-going webcomic about how two girls, qui tong and sun jing, meet and fall in love. the characters are all absurdly fantastic, from the two girls to all of the supporting characters around them, and it’s an absolute TREAT to read. i would highly rec it, there’s some lovely shenanigans in there.

last but not least, i highly rec manga written by the year 24 group. this group was a non-formal group of female mangaka in the 1970s that really revolutionized and influenced the shoujo manga genre. many of their works are considered classics today, with works such as kaze to ki no uta, claudine...!, the heart of thomas, and shiroi heya no futari among them. a lot of their works really dug in and examined sexuality and gender, and you can find some of the original shounen ai, shoujo ai, and trans manga among them. i’m a sucker for the classics, and i highly recommend them. i honestly could have listed every single of one these mangaka in my recommend authors list, but decided it was just easier to promote the group as a whole. the best for last, you know?

hope this helps, anon!

[wispy-selfship-eden]

Odd numbers on those meta asks for Armin? ^_^

Oh my Sayeko so curious ^ 7 ^ Here we go then! To my intelligent boy!!

1. how did you discover your f/o’s content?

It was around middle school! Even though I was slowly coming to realization I was into anime, Attack on Titan was becoming a hype niche then. You know those kids who say ‘they’re into anime’ when they’ve only seen that one show? Attack on Titan? Yeah... In any case, curiosity finally got to me and I wanted to see what the hype was all about. Let’s just say I think this show was what slowly started to change my mind over the course of my teenage years lolol.

3.  describe the first time you watched/played/read your f/o’s source content.

That first time watching... that first episode haunted me XD It was at that point middle school me began to realize... this ain’t gonna be happy times with this show! Slowly but surely, I grew accustomed to its survival theme of battling against titans, then realizing the lurking foreshadow of the true enemy at stake. Reading through the manga up until before the time skip and they reached the basement... wow. Just wow. They made it at so many costs. Stay brave, crew!

5.  if your f/o is from a series, were you into the source content from the start or did you come in later? if you came in later, what was the most recent release when you got into it?

I was into it from the start! I came to the show late but I wasn’t interested into the manga yet because anime usually serves to promote manga, yeah? So if the anime is amazing, then that’s enough incentive to read the manga online!

7.  are there any specific scenes/chapters/moments of your f/o that you find yourself going back to revisit more often than any other?

When Eren had transformed into a titan yet again, this time in front of the Garrison, in order to buy time Eren bet his balls on Armin being able to convince the Garrison Eren wasn’t at all a threat. Mikasa as well. It was a huge turning point where all this time, up until joining the military, Armin always had to be protected by his friends, and found himself weak because he didn’t perceive himself as strong especially for being different. But when his friends believed in him and his strengths compared to others, he stood up to the Garrison and did the greatest salute I’ve ever seen in my entire life. By lord almighty, I would rewatch just that specific episode and I found myself falling in love with him more...

9.  if your f/o has been represented in more than one way (i.e. in a book AND a movie, in a movie and then recasted for a reboot later, etc.), which version of them is your favorite?

Hmmm, tough question since the anime is, to me, just the manga but animated; in moving picture form. I wouldn’t say the manga because of my lack of commitment, buuuut it does show more of Armin’s complex personality... but by that point Season 3 Parts 1 & 2 have animated that so--I’ll stick with anime.

11. do your friends/family know that you’re into the content that your f/o comes from or do you keep this interest to yourself?

To myself. Same goes for other franchises. My mom doesn’t care to know the concept of loving fictional characters for the rest of your life and is concerned about me for that. Ugh. My brother gets it, but I don’t mention it at all cause that’s not his thing.

13. do you have a favorite line your f/o has ever said?

... *Blushes* Anytime I hear his voice it’s like listening to an angel. Uhhhh, basically his passionate monologue in giving up his life for the sake of keeping Eren alive and to help take back Wall Maria and take down the titans. Yeah... I may or may not have inwardly cried with him from those guts of his.

15. do you own any merchandise from your f/o’s source content? what is it?

Hhhhhhh uhh just an Attack on Titan t-shirt, with the main four (Armin, Eren, Mikasa, and Levi) as chibis! From the animated short OVAs! Hehe, I love it cause Armin rests over a part of my chest :3 I should wear it more often when i wanna see him...

Thanks for the questions Sayeko dear!!

[skamfairy]

Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone Movie - Thoughts after watching for the first time

AHHHH I FINALLY WATCHED IT, this is hella long so i’m gonna jump right in but also if you are curious but can’t be bothered to read this much just scroll down to the end to read a short paragraph on my overall thoughts ashjhjsa HERE WE GO

OKAY SO opening credits are rolling and i’m FINE but then THIS SHOT opens the movie and i’m losing my shit

I legit started giggling uncontrollably and my heart started racing because it finally hit me THAT I WAS FINALLY SEEING IT ALL ON SCREEN like it’s happening and the vibe really hit me right then THE PRIVET DRIVE SIGN THE OWL ALL OF IT this opening felt SO GOOD it felt so right because the first sentence in the book is about the dursley’s living on privet drive and the owl and the music just give it that instant ominous magic vibe i love it i love it 

and then we get this bloody shot of cat McGonagall

and we watch Miss McGonagall LITERALLY TRANSFORM FROM CAT TO WOMAN THROUGH THE SHADOW ON THE WALL

AND it’s honestly the coolest thing i’ve ever seen i seriously loved this and i’m SO SO SO GLAD THEY KEPT THIS IN IT REALLY KICKS OF THE MAGIC like for me this really made me go “YES YES YES YES YES WE’RE HERE WE’RE DOING THIS” and from an artsy POV, it was just honestly a beautiful and cool shot. 

THEN THE TITLE

i’m sorry but I’VE GOT to talk about this right now so i don’t have to address it again but like THIS TITLE REALLY FUCKING HYPES YOU UP seriously, the music the lightning ALL OF IT it’s so loud and compelling and it makes you so excited. if you aren’t one to get hyped up by street signs and cats turning into women like me, then THIS will hype you up GURANTEED i’m in love with it i felt the chill go through my body RAIN STARTED POURING OUT MY WINDOW!! (i’m not lying you can ask my friend as my witness she knows cos i bragged about it several times during the stream sahsahj) anyway just saying IT MAKES YOU READY FOR MAGIC

I’m gonna put a keep reading here because we’re just getting started and this is gonna be long as hell so enjoy if you keep reading and bye angel! if you’re not shjjhas

anyway the light of our lives wakes up in his closet and i am THIS close to calling child protective services and get him outta there but,,,,,,,you know, we got a movie to watch. 

Dudley is bloody horrible, but then his dad literally threatens harry with car keys so we’ve got bigger fish to complain about i guess

WE GO TO THE ZOOO! (YAAAAY)

and can i just say my fave part of this isn’t just the fact that the snake NODS when harry starts talking to it (although it’s high up there) but when instead of freaking out and going hOLY SHIT I CAN TALK TO SNAKES??? WHATS THAT ABOUT??? he just says very thoughtfully “i’ve never talked to a snake before” sjhashjasjh i love this kid i swear i’m sahjhjsa best kid to find out he’s a wizard honestly. he doesn’t blink an eyelid shashjahjs 

Dudley gets thrown overboard into the enclosure and when the snake says thanks to harry as he slithers on by, harry replies with a sly “anytime” like sure just call me whenever you need me to throw my cousin into an inhabited enclosure at the zoo, mate, i’m your man. sjhahjsah i love this i just,,,,,i really love this kid.

HARRY GETS HIS LETTER! (i love this shot)

and uncle vernon loses the plot and can i just say, how bloody boring you’ve got to be to hate magic? like can you imagine? i think harry seems to agree with me, judging by his cold hard side eye at uncle vernon nailing the mail box shut

seriously i love him so much (drink everytime i gush about harry, ya gonna get hammered ;) ) 

finally Harry makes a wish on his birthday and in return he gets a hagrid breaking down his door and telling him he’s a wizard.

IM A WHAT

Hagrid and harry hit up diagon alley and please let me spend a second to GUSH over the beauty of this set?? i’m just WOW like it amazes me how much work must have gone into this movie and it truly paid off. like it’s so so so gorgeous and not just the set, but the music in this scene and the whole vibe of it is so positive and magical and it truly gave me such a warm feeling in my belly im just im so in awe. okay okay i’ll shut up sahjsajh 

Harry finds out he’s rich, gets traumatised by the man giving him his wand which i must say WAS SUCH A COOL SCENE LIKE IT WAS SO FUN SEEING HIM TRY OUT THE DIFFERENT WANDS AND THEN HOW HE LITERALLY LIGHTS UP AND THE WIND BLOWS WHEN HE FINDS HIS BROTHER WAND IM it was sooooo cool AND he gets given hedwig by hagrid ❤️ YAY

im sorry i’m literally crying sajhhjsa at hagrid deadass abandoning harry at the train station it’s so funny sahjjhsa poor harry THANKFULLY he finds my fave family in the world because Mrs Weasley is basically shouting MUGGLES ashjahsj (best way to spot a wizard asjhasjh) and then I LOSE MY SHIT BECAUSE

FRED AND GEORGE FRED AND GEORGE FRED AND GEORGE IM LIVING I LOVE THEM SO MUCH “he’s not fred! I AM” “honestly woman you call yourself our mother” “I’m only joking, i am fred” sahjsahjhjsahjas ICONIC THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY IM SO HAPPY TO SEE THEM HELP IM SO ASHJSAJHHJASHJAS you guys know how i feel about them im just AHHHH

also i need to add that I LOVE MRS WEASLEY!!!! she’s casted SO SO SO WELL so much better than i would have ever imagined this actress is so warm and motherly and she’s just perfect she’s truly perfect for mrs weasley im so so so happy with her ❤️

WE GET TO THE TRAIN

love this shot, so beautiful and magical and poignant i’m feeling so many things right now 

RON AND HARRY MEET AND I LOVE THEM they are so pure my angels 💖 hermione shows up and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HER like all three of them play it so so so well its so funny and watching it gives me nothing but warm feels THEY ARE SO CUTE and the facial expressions all around are amazing im in love with the trio 💖

Draco tries to befriend harry and harry SASSES HIM and it’s glorious, dumbledore welcomes us to hogwarts and tells the kids that they’ll die a painful death if they go the the third corridor and this is their response

sajhshjsajhasjh 

sorting happens, its AWESOME but not in alphabetical order ashjsajh seriously its such a fun scene i love (every scene is fun) the hat barely touches dracos head and says he’s slytherin and snape makes harry’s scar hurt. when he winces ron asks “what’s wrong” and harry replies “Nothing, im fine” 

prepare for this to be a theme for the series. 

OKAY but imagine if harry was put into slytherin after rejecting draco like that sahjsajh how awkward. anyway

THE GHOSTS AND THE PAINTINGS ARE SO COOL AND THE COMMON ROOM !! 

This shot here is the most purest thing you will ever lay eyes on 💖 im genuinely tearing up. i want to stare at this forever

CLASSES START, transfiguration is awesome, potions is not. 

SNAPE GETS MAD AT HARRY FOR TAKING NOTES??? he was so excited to learn about potions and snape just ruins that excitement im sad. 

at dinner seamus, a 11 year old.....is trying to turn water into rum.....asjhahjahjs

THE MAIL SHOT IS STUNNING

GORGEOUS 

when ron gets hit in the face by his broom harry laughs and ron says in the most cute fond voice ohhhh shut up haaaaryyyy AND ITS SO PURE I LOVE

HARRY MAKES THE QUIDDITCH TEAM, i continue to fall in love with mcgonagall AND WOOD I LOVE HIM AND HIS ACCENT 

harry learns his dad also played quidditch 

and this is the part where my friend allie starting yelling CHASER HE WAS A CHASER hjshjsahjsahj 

we meet fluffy and he’s adorable!!!

im crying at theo just blowing up his feather shjjsahjhsa

ron hurts hemione’s feelings, the trolls gets out they save her life and BOOM BESTIES that scene was awesome!!! and so funny to watch i love them but the real star of this whole thing is dracos face

i LOVE DRACO SO MUCH jhshjsaajhs (i’ll focus more on my love for this kid in chamber of secrets) 

MY FAVE THING about the quidditch scene is when harry is nervous and oliver tries to comfort him but then he’s like I TOOK A BLUDGER TO THE HEAD AND WAS IN HOSPITAL FOR TWO WEEKS FIRST TIME I PLAYED hashsja i can’t

hermione sets a teacher on FIRE hjsahsaj and harry wins the match whoop 

I LOVEEEEE the trio interrogating hagrid its so funny ahjshjs

CHRISTMAS AT HOGWARTS IS PURE

THE INVISIBILITY CLOAK IS HERE !!! i don’t think i’ve said it before but i love how important the cloak is and we use it in every book and then we find out in the last book that it’s actually so much bigger than we ever realised <3 i love 

harry finds the mirror 

and this is by far my fave scene in the whole film. i cried during this. it was so so so beautiful and so heartbreaking. the music was gorgeous and the way harry touched his should where his mum’s hand was and everything just :(( SAD

and then when he’s sitting down just staring at it for hours

and dumbledore explains it to him and tells him the dwell on dreams quote that i love so much just ❤️ i adore this whole thing so much it made me so sad but it was also so beautiful and important. i love. one of my faves in the book and movie

NORBET THE DRAGON IS SO CUTE, all three of them plus draco get detention and dumbledore sends norbet off to romania himself :(( 

Draco is amazing during this whole scene shhsaj i love him

they see this horror

and draco’s slytherin self preservation kicks in and he MAKES A RUN FOR IT he’s so smart sahjhsajjahs harry just sits back and waits to die asshjajah until he is saved ofc shjjsah

HARRY RON AND HERMIONE MAKE A BREAKTHROUGH and they try to tell dumbles but he’s not there so they decide to take care of saving the stone themselves cos you know,,,,it’s totally an eleven year old’s job. 

after getting past fluffy the trio get stuck in devil’s snare and MY FAVE part is when ron is like “lucky we didn’t panic” ashjsajhashj

i love this kid

HARRY uses his flying skills and gets the flying key AFTER being hyped up by ron!!! so pure, this was also SO SO cool 

BUT NOT AS COOL AS THE CHESS PART literally so brilliant im in love with this scene

RON WAS AMAZING i seriously love it when ron gets to shine and he really truly shines ❤️

OKAY SLIGHT CRITICISM but i am sad the potion part was cut and i don’t think they mentioned that each part was made by one of the teachers because i loved seeing what each part says about each teacher when we find out what they created and the potion thing was so cool but that’s just a small thing and i get that you can’t add everything so it’s fine!! sahjjash 

WE GET TO THE MIRROR AND QUIRREL!!! and oh my god when he takes off his turban, voldy on his head is SO CREEPY

i’ve been anticipating to see this since i read about it and im shjsahjhas ITS SO DISTURBING WELL DONE MOVIE SAJHSAJHAH

anyway harry saves the day !!! and straight up kills quirrell 

dumbledore visits harry in hospital and i have to say i love this dumbles a lot he’s so kind and gentle and he seems to genuinely care about harry i love it. i love their convo so much it makes me tear up ajahshsa im a baby

Slytherin’s success gets totally blindsided at the feast when dumbles awards the golden trio and neville with NEW POINTS that makes gryffindor win sasajjasjh

savage shjsahjhjas

the film ends with harry leaving and hagrid saying goodbye and it’s the purest thing and the music is so beautiful im gonna cry im just ashjsajhhjas

OKAY OVERALL THOUGHTS 

i LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS MOVIE the music, the scenery, the design, the magical vibe, THE CHARACTERS. every single bit of this gave me so many feelings and i want to rewatch this a million times like i can’t stop thinking about it i just wanna keep rewatching it sahjjsha i feel so sajhshja I FEEL SO MUCH im so in love with this film and this story im i feel like im becoming more and more of a fan and it’s scary ashjas how much im falling for this fandom. i can’t think of anything else and this movie put all of it on screen for me and im in love. it’s perfect. 

THIS WAS SO LONG so if you read it all wow ashjsahjhajs im genuinely impressed and thank you 💖 i don’t think the other recaps are gonna be like this but i was just so excited COS ITS THE BEGINNING i got carried away and it turned into a beast. shajjhsahjas i can’t wait to talk about chamber of secrets tho IT SHOOK ME 

thank you so much for reading angels asjashj