#like you STILL refuse to accept responsibility and will blame literally anyone else huh?

[thebreakfastgenie]

Some man on twitter took the opportunity of someone literally celebrating Ruth Bader Ginsburg's 90th birthday to push the "Ginsburg should have retired and this is her/Democrats' fault" line and unfortunately I have some time on my hands so you're getting this rant from me again.

First and foremost, putting the blame on a dead woman when there is a living man who is more directly responsible for losing control of the Supreme Court is profoundly stupid and while I doubt it's consciously misogynistic it does reflect a society that holds women responsible for everything.

I don't know how many times I can say this, but we didn't lose the court in 2020, we lost it in 2018 when Anthony Kennedy retired and Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed. A 6-3 conservative majority is certainly worse, but the Dobbs decision, for example, would have been the same.

You don't get to blame Democrats or Ruth Bader Ginsburg for the fact that you dismissed the importance of the Supreme Court in 2016. Whatever you think should have been done in 2014, you knew what the reality was in 2016. There was already an open seat on the Supreme Court during that election.

If Hillary Clinton had won in 2016, Antonin Scalia would have been replaced by a liberal justice, likely Merrick Garland, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg would have been replaced by another liberal justice. Anthony Kennedy would either have remained in his seat or been replaced by a moderate or liberal justice. The tentative 5-4 liberal majority we had prior to 2016 would have become a tentative 6-3 majority with a solid 5 liberal votes. This Supreme Court would not have overturned Roe and would not be threatening policies like student loan forgiveness and affirmative action. That is the court we would have if 50,000 people in three states had voted for Hillary Clinton.

Instead, Donald Trump appointed three Supreme Court Justices and there is a solid 6-3 conservative majority that will continue handing down horrible decisions that are nakedly political and barely even bother with constitutional justification. At the moment we're basically waiting for a couple of them to die and hoping there is a Democratic president and senate when it happens.

I think the position that Ginsburg should have retired in 2014 is heavily influenced by hindsight, but even accepting that it was a good idea, it's not as simple as people who began believing it in 2020 make it sound. First of all, I cite 2014 because Democrats lost control of the senate that year. This argument relies on Democrats seeing that loss coming. Even if they could do that, Democrats did not have filibuster-proof majority in the senate in 2014. At the time, senate rules required such a majority for supreme court confirmations. Harry Reid had only recently changed the rules to allow all other federal judicial nominations to be confirmed with a simple majority.

It's easy to forget now, but the level of Republican obstructionism during the Obama administration was unexpected. The rule change came about because there were so many judicial vacancies. Unfortunately, not all of them were filled even after the rule change, which allowed a number of Republican appointments during the Trump administration. I didn't have a position on senate rules in 2012-14 because I was in high school, but my position now is that I support ending the filibuster.

I think it's very clear that Republicans will simply change the rules to benefit themselves anyway the second they have power, so Democrats are not gaining anything by preserving the filibuster. However, I reached this position with the benefit of having observed Mitch McConnell's actions as Majority Leader between 2015 and 2019. Democrats in 2012-14 did not have that benefit. I don't know how predictable this Republican behavior was, but it's certainly not the same as having observed something that already happened. If Mitch McConnell had not already changed the rule for Supreme Court confirmations in 2017 in order to confirm Neil Gorsuch, I would have urged Democrats to do it in order to confirm Ketanji Brown Jackson. But I don't know if it's fair to expect Democrats to have done so in 2014.

It's also worth remembering that the open politicization of the Supreme Court is fairly recent. It's been obviously political at least since the 1980s, but for quite a long time both parties kept up a pretense that it wasn't. It's easy to see why Democrats might not have expected Republicans to keep a seat open for an entire year rather than even give a Democratic nominee a hearing.

I think "in hindsight, things would be better if Ruth Bader Ginsburg had retired in 2014 and Harry Reid had changed the senate rules so Democrats could confirm a replacement" is a reasonable take. But it's academic. There's no point in assigning blame. And Democrats clearly did learn from this, because Stephen Breyer retired and was replaced by Ketanji Brown Jackson.

And, once again, whatever you think should have happened in 2014, we all went into 2016 knowing exactly what did and did not happen. Few people were saying Ginsburg should have retired at that time, and even those who were would not have been justified in not voting for Hillary Clinton, or discouraging others from supporting her, or downplaying the importance of the Supreme Court.

[thethistlegirlwrites]

Mine

Shay can’t sleep.

Most of that is just the simple fact that the home earth he brought with him for this case is miles away in a literally underground fight club that he and Sierra left on fire. Without that, he’s incapable of getting actual rest.

Another reason is the blood withdrawals. He hasn’t fed on real human blood now in over twenty-four hours and his body is refusing to accept that. They don’t have replacement synth-blood, which is part of the reason it’s getting this bad, but he’s been through this enough times now that he knows nothing really helps. His body wants real blood and doesn’t like settling for the substitute, which he won’t get until Sierra gets over the host version of the same thing and can drive them to civilization.

But even if he’d had everything else he needed, he can’t stop replaying what his answer to the vamp running the ring would have been, given a couple more seconds to get his brain out of crisis mode. 

I didn’t tell you she used to be a hunter because she’s mine. I didn’t want anyone else thinking about her the way I did, wanting to get their teeth in her too. And I didn’t want someone else ripping her throat out while I was in the middle of a fight because they hate hunters on principle. 

Sierra would probably tell him it’s a logical, valid response.

It would have been.

Probably wouldn’t have satisfied their captor, given the spectacle of making a vampire and their host fight each other was likely just too tempting to pass up for any reason, but still.

The truth is, his brain had stalled out less from the sheer stress of the situation and more from the fact that when the answer had popped into his head, it had seemed too right.

It was a bone-deep, visceral, instinctive response.

Mine.

Maybe it’s his own fault for letting the hosting go on to keep their cover.

Maybe it got to him.

Because there’s no way he should be thinking of Sierra as his. His partner, sure. His friend, sort of, in the weird way hunters and vampires sort things out. His roommate, even, as weird as that whole situation has been.

But not just his. 

Even now, watching her toss and turn in the throes of the bite withdrawals on the bed he insisted she take, he wants to help. Every instinct in him is screaming that his problem and hers can be easily solved. If he would just do what his nature demands and feed.

But he let it go on too long already. If it was turning him into a possessive monster, he can’t risk even one more feeding, not even if it’s to buy them time to get somewhere there’s help.

Sierra shifts again and looks over at him. Enough sunlight is sneaking into the cabin through the various cloth scraps they used to cover the windows that it’s picking out the flush in her cheeks that contrasts against the unnatural paleness she’s developed from the hosting.

“Can’t sleep?” She asks, words slurring a little.

“Uh, no. No home earth,” he says.

“Sorry. Stupid question.” She shrugs. “Brain’s a little…scattered.”

She’s rubbing at her arm where he was biting her. 

And he can’t not bring up the elephant in the room.

“I’m sorry.”

“If anyone should be sorry it’s me. I got caught and messed up the whole plan.” 

“I meant about the whole host thing. I guess I let it go further than I thought.” He stares at the wall. 

Sierra frowns. “We both agreed this was the play. If we’d faked it we would have been caught. I can deal with the withdrawals. Would be nice not to have them, but I wasn’t asking for easy when I signed on for this.”

Shay shakes his head. “This isn’t about the withdrawals.”

“Huh?”

“When he asked why I hadn’t told anyone about you.”

“That whole thing took us all by surprise. I don’t blame you for not having an answer.”

“The problem is I did.” Shay can’t meet her eyes. “I wanted to tell him it was because you were mine and I didn’t want anyone else to lay a hand on you.”

“That’s a good one. You just thought of it a second too late.”

Shay swallows. She’s thinking of it exactly the way he expected. As him finding a logical answer that would have satisfied their captor. 

“I didn’t have to think about it.” He clenches his fists until his nails dig into his palms just a bit. Not enough to do damage, but enough to keep him grounded as a wave of hunger washes through him. Just another instinct he can’t crush far enough down. “It just wanted to come out.”

And that had scared him more than the threat hanging over their heads.

It’s one thing to face down the people in the outside world who want to kill them, human or vampire. 

It’s another thing entirely to be reminded, viscerally and undeniably, that there’s a monster inside him too. A hungry thing that demands and takes and claims. That no matter what he does, no matter how much he tries to control it, can twist parts of him he never wants to let it touch. 

“Oh?” Sierra sounds less angry and more confused. 

“I don’t know if it was being surrounded by so many vampires, or that I’d been feeding on you for days, or some combination of that, but I genuinely felt possessive.” He halfway glances at her. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry for instinctively wanting to protect me?” Sierra asks. 

“When you put it like that…” He shrugs. 

“It’s just part of who you are. Vampires bond to their hosts and get pretty defensive about them.” She shrugs. “Honestly, I’m fine if you want to call me your human if you’re fine with me calling you my vampire now and then.”

Shay raises an eyebrow.

“That sounded weird, didn’t it.” 

“Yeah. It really did.” He chuckles in spite of himself, feeling just a bit less awful. Despite everything, they’re still what they always were. She still puts her foot in her mouth at the most awkward possible times. Guaranteed to break the tension even if it’s in the weirdest way he can think of.

She doesn’t hate him.

Maybe she should, but she doesn’t. 

Now that this case is over, he can squash whatever part of him still wants their bond to be any deeper. It’ll be a lot easier now that they’re not intentionally playing into it with a cover story. 

“Besides,” she adds sleepily, drawing his attention back, “you didn’t actually say it. You stopped yourself because that’s not who you wanted to be, regardless of whether it would have gotten us out of that mess.” She shrugs. “If you had said it I’d have kicked your ass in that fight anyway.” 

He laughs. “Think you’ll remember this in the morning?”

She frowns. “Dunno. Why?”

“Because the look on your face if you do will be priceless.” 

She flings the flatter of the two pillows from the bed at him. 

He catches it out of the air. “I am going to ask if sober you is still cool with being called my human.”

She laughs. “As my vampire, you do realize that might have consequences.” 

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

(This is a continuation of Day 20, which you can read on my WorldAnvil! And you can read this story and more from this universe there as well!)

@catwingsathena @nade2308 @the-one-and-only-valkyrie @telltaleclerk @ettawritesnstudies  @writeouswriter @whump-place @the-lovely-wren

[sk-lumen]

Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen

[zodiyack]

Tell Me It’s Real

Requested by anon: So I had this idea for a fic where the reader is pretending to be in love with Roman to get close to him. The reader is a viglante and plans to take him down when she earns his trust. he finds out about her plans and he’s upset because he really likes her. But instead of killing her he keeps her as a prisoner. Sorry if that’s too specific. I love your work!

Pairing: Roman Sionis x reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst, alcohol, drugging, crime, soft!Roman, mention of murder, kidnapping(?), mention of Roman’s homemade removal surgery (aka face skinning), mention of Stockholm syndrome? idk, movie reference

Note: I hope this is what you wanted! I’m sorry if I went a bit offtrack! I also I apologize, I was rather tired when writing the first half of this!

Taglist: @stardancerluv​​ @matth1w​​ @redspaceace​​

Masterlist | Birds of Prey Masterlist

Part Two

Her lips formed into a smirk against his. He was tempted to deepen their kiss, but for now, he was being interrupted with a business deal. With him being more focused on the pain across from him who was pleading for a deal, he didn’t notice the flicking eyes of his girlfriend. The way she subtly listened to their conversation.

But just because Roman hadn't noticed didn’t mean Victor didn’t take caution. He saw her, just as he did every time she did something of the sort. He was curious to know why, but he left it be. As Roman’s best friend and employee, he knew the boundary of accusing Roman’s lover of anything without solid evidence.

He tried photos. But Y/n was the same as he was with her. Both keeping an eye on each other. He tried to set up cameras. But she was always one step ahead, always being out of the view of the lens or the footage would “somehow” be glitchy, deleted, ruined, just never the way he knew it was supposed to be.

It all added up for him. However, not for Roman. Head over fucking heals for Y/n; he refused to believe anything that was said of her. From Victor or someone else. He never believed.

This was the time. Victor was determined to catch her. She had to fuck up at some point, right? No human being was that perfect.

“Rome?” Her breath tickled his neck, distracting him from the conversation. She nipped at his ear as he made a “mhm” sound in response to his name. “I’m feeling thirsty. What about you?”

“Exactly the same as you, angel. I’ll get Vincent to g-”

“No!” Victor’s head snapped up, both him and Roman had a look of confusion and shock at her sudden raise of voice. “I mean, no. I’ll get them myself.”

“Oh...if you’d like. Come right back though, alright, Angel?”

“Yes sir. I love you, Romey.” She kissed him roughly before setting off to get the promised drinks. Now that she finally had control over him, her plan was being set into motion. He finally trusted her. She knew of the reports being made of her, she knew how Roman turned them down like they were just rumors, it all was just proof that it was the perfect time for her to begin.

She went up to the bar and asked for two cups of a random alcohol. When the man handed her the drinks, she thanked him and walked to a dark corner, pouring pills into one of the cups. Thank god she accepted Harley’s offer.

“Wait! Please, just let me go, I just started my life free of Mr. J! I’ll give you something in return!”

“Harley, what on earth could you possibly have that would stop me from turning you in?”

She fished around in her pocket, smiling brightly when she found what she was searching for. “Here,” she held out a bottle of pills. Specifically the kind you’d use to drug someone. The kind to knock them out. “take ‘em!”

“What the hell would I need these for? I’m a fucking vigilante, I’m throwing you guys in jail, not kidnapping you.”

“You know exactly what they’re for!”

Her arms folded over her chest, inhaling deeply and rolling her eyes. “No, Harley, I really don’t.”

“Oh come on Y/n! Don’t be so modest! I know you’re goin’ for the big one! Roman Sionis?”

Her eyes widened. “H-how did you-”

“Easy! You and that other... scary.. cop lady want a case against him. You’re the only new person so he has no idea who you are, meaning it’s easy for you to sneak right in and turn him to putty in your hands before... ya know-” She shook the pills next to her face. “You may have gotten some people in jail, but if you build your reputation up too quickly, he’ll have you shot dead before you can even reach the lot of his club.”

“And how do I know you won’t go blabbering to him?” Y/n drawled, taking the bottle from the blonde.

“Really? He hates my guts. I thought you knew that already? Oooh righttt, you’re new. Sorry, I just forgot for a sec due to how good you are at this hero shit.”

“...Thanks?”

“Anytime sweets!” She glanced down at her wrist, checking an imaginary watch. “Welp, nice talking to ya, but I gotta go. Seeya!” Before any words could leave Y/n’s mouth, Harley was already on the back of the bus, holding onto the rail and catching an illegal ride.

She sat back down, smiling at her boyfriend and handing him the cup with the drugged drink. One of the men across from her initiated a conversation. It was the perfect timing for something against her plan.

Victor had seen her. He’d seen the pills. Stealthily, but obvious enough for Roman to notice him, he switched the cups. and shrugged when Roman raised an eyebrow.

“Could I make a toast?”

Y/n turned to Victor, smiling and grabbing the glass in front of her. Victor spat out some bullshit toast and downed his glass, the rest of the table following his action. A few moments went by and Y/n started to sway, she struggled to keep her eyes open.

“Angel? Are you alright? Do you need us to leave early?”

“I’m.. I’m fine Rome. I p-promi...promise...” The last “promise” of her sentence was whispered. Her head hit the table and her eyes fell closed. Roman jumped up, no knowing what was going on or who to blame.

“You! What the fuck did you do to her Victor?”

He assumed quickly, based off Victor switching their cups in front of him. “It wasn’t me. That cup was from her, meant for you. Remember? I didn’t do jack-shit to her.”

It hit him. Finally. It hit him like a thunderbolt striking his tall form. Moments he should’ve taken note of. The times she was caught in suspicious actions and brushed it off with some excuse he believed. There was still one more thing.

“Out.” No one moved. Rarely anyone heard him. If they did, they didn’t listen to him. “Out!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLUB!” Just like that, they did. People swarmed, racing to the exit, not wanting to face the furry and wrath of Roman Sionis. “Zsasz-”

“On it boss.” He began to pick her up and head into the direction of where Roman’s infamous unconsented facial removal surgeries took place. 

“Where the fuck are you going?”

“I-”

“Don’t listen? I know. As I was going to say, chain her up... please. Don’t hurt her, don’t kill her,” He turned to the rest of his employees, “you got that? NONE OF YOU LAY A FUCKING HAND ON HER! Or it’ll be your face I skin next.”

Audible gulps sounded through the room. No one moved. Not even an inch.

“Well? GO!”

. . .

She woke up, vision blurred and wrists feeling sore. Her eyes were watery and her throat felt dry. She couldn’t have messed up, she knew exactly what glass it was in! No matter her mistake, she was obviously in for it now. ‘Fuck.’

“Well well, look who’s awake Roman!” A voice sneered from in front of her. Y/n managed to look up, meeting the eyes of Victor Zsasz. “Look at you now. So helpless. You’ve failed, ya know? Just one little brat who ca-”

“Enough, Victor.”

Victor’s eyes never left Y/n’s. He stared her down while mumbling an apology to Roman, obviously not genuine. She took the chance, smiling mischievously, and spat in his face.

“You bitch!” His hand raised to meet her face, but Roman stopped him quickly.

“Victor. I said enough.” Y/n could hear his steps approaching her. Great, she really was gonna die. “Please leave us, friend.”

“Yeah whatever.”

He left, just as Roman had asked, Although she acted fearless and literally just did something that could’ve gotten her killed on the spot, a tinge of fear made it’s way to her gut. Roman seemed intrigued with his girlfriend. Was she really afraid or was she skimming through her mind for an escape strategy?

Neither. 

She was too busy shivering with wide eyes, confused by Roman’s actions.

“Listen... I know, I should kill you. I mean, if anyone else had done it, I would’ve peeled their fucking face off and then made them suffer a horrible death, but you... I fucking loved you. I- I love you.”

“Roman. P-please I-”

“No. I’ve already figured it out, Angel.”

“Roman! I beg of you, please don’t kill me.. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have hurt you like that! I hurt you by using your heart rather than a less emotional tactic and I’m sorry!”

Roman tutted, walking around Y/n and kneeling in front of her. “Y/n, Y/n, Y/n. You’re right, it hurt me in a very unfair way, but your apologies won’t excuse your attempt of knocking me out.”

“How did you-” She thought back, Victor keeping his eyes on her, her finding what she thought to be an unoccupied corner and not bothering to check her surroundings. “Shit.”

“O-huh-ha-o! You finally figured it out! Well, he switched the glasses, and look where we are now. The woman I love, trying to kill me. What is this, Mr. and Mrs. Smith?”

“Could be.” she sighed. “Are you gonna...” The chains rattled against the floor as she moved her hands in a circle motion over her face.

“Skin you? No. I’m gonna keep you here.” He stood up.

“Am I gonna die?”

“No to that question as well.” Roman started towards the door. “There is, however, a way you can get out of this.”

“And that is?”

He turned slightly, eyes meeting hers. “Well you gotta make sure it’s the truth. Some guy is coming by and he loves his machinery. Something about it shocking you if you lie?” A goofy “oops”-kind-of-smile rested on his lips.

“But what is it that I need to do?”

The door slammed shut and the locks clicked into place. “Tell Me It’s Real.”

✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦  

Part two? Also I’m sorry if this story is like...REALLY ooc or something, I just went with the flow. 

And with the movie reference part (Mr. And Mrs. Smith) I could totally write an au for that as a Roman Sionis if y’all like that idea. Him or another character, I don’t mind, I just like the movie a lot

✘ Bowie

[ocular-intercourse]

@mangosandchili No.2 of (?), 14 questions Ace edition

🌲 What is the kindest thing your OC has ever done for someone? What is the kindest thing someone has ever done for them? On the flip side, what is the worst thing your OC has done to another person?

i.. I don’t know?? He just.. doesn’t deal with other people all that much. He’d probably consider it kind leaving other people be and not annoying them to death. I suppose his loyalty to his brother is rooted in kindness. Oh actually, it’s really less about what kind thing he has done as a singular situation, it’s more about his kindness potential. Given the situation he’d chose to do the kind thing, he’s just not quite aware of it cause he tends to stay away from situations, period. His misanthropy is very superficial. The other way around is pretty similar, people don’t get the chance to be kind to him very often. I guess Ben & later Ellie sticking around could be considered kind. The worst thing he has done would be just being purposefully difficult, pushing people away, building walls, being annoying and a little reckless. The curve is pretty flat in either direction.

🌳 What does your OC do when they see others upset or in pain? An upset friend? A stranger?

Look around if someone else is there to help, if yes, leave it to them, if no.. begrudgingly help. Depends on the situation too. If someone is physically hurt that would be easier for him than trying to console emotional distress. Once again, he would do pretty much anything for Ben, Ellie or his brother (pre attempted murder.. maybe a little bit after). But he really struggles with reacting to emotion, he would uncomfortably offer his presence and then not know what to do next, just sitting there, quietly patting backs.

🌿 What is something true about your OC that they refuse to admit about themselves? Is there any reason to this besides embarrassment?

He loves and he cares so much. He’s just, either trained or naturally, not really able to show it. Emotional constipation. He’d like to believe he’s as distant to things and people as he pretends to be, but he’s not. He just does not have the tools to communicate it to himself and others.

🍃 Describe a regular day for your OC. What is their schedule (if they have one).          

I think Ace feels like he’s a chaotic person, other people definitely see him that way, but he actually has his set routines, they just swap around sometimes. Generally he has classes in the morning, he’s late to them most of the time cause he has difficulties getting up and following authoritarian instructions. After that probably back to his room, dick around on the internet, make some music, just chilling, some swordfight training maybe. If it’s dark out you’ll more likely than not find him outside somewhere, on the roof, taking in the night.

🍁 What is your OC’s most traumatic experience? (If they don’t have just one traumatic experience either pick one or describe them all!)

Finding out his brother is part of some weird cult that is currently attacking and killing children and teenagers. Swiftly followed by said brother killing him when Ace confronts him about it. Or trying to kill him, more accurately. But the intention was there. Though Ace very much wants to doubt that. Traumatic event still pending: Finding out that he himself tried to join said cult to follow in his brother’s steps as he always has done but being rejected and his memory having been erased.

🍄 How would your OC react to the death of a friend/family member/loved one? Is there anyone they can confide in?

Hmm I don’t think Ace is equipped to confront that reality at all. Definitely not outwardly. He’s too good at bottling up stuff, he does not know what else to do with his emotions. He’d just quietly stew in it, refuse to talk about it. He won’t expect it to get better, it’s just part of his life now. But the grief is also kinda weirdly suspended by the whole underworld thing. So he’d just.. kinda ride it out till he can do anything about it. Action is much easier, he’ll focus on that. No idea what exactly he’ll be able to do, but the thought helps.

🌾 What would your OC be like if they were evil. Or if they’re already evil what would they be like as the good guy?

He’d just be the Ace he’s pretending to be most times. Not caring about the people around him, except maybe a few exceptions. Not actively cruel, but cold, calculated. Letting people suffer because it has nothing to do with him, it’s not his responsibility, even if it is right under his nose and he could easily reach out to help.

💐 How would your OC react to somebody telling them that they love them? (+ bonus give another characters/OC name!)

Oh, he has his mastered poker face it would be really hard to coax a reaction out of him. Ace and his brother are both the kind of people who would cloak i love you’s in jokes and irony and sarcasm, like proclaiming it cartoonishly and over the top so it seems like a joke when it’s really not. Genuine serious i love you’s would definitely catch him off guard. He’d still try to play it off with jokes, or react as if it did not faze him, just shrug it off. I don’t think he’d get himself to respond with his own feelings, at least not very often. That’s just too much, too intimate, too raw. He’d rather show his love than talk about it, and even that would be very much hidden and not talked about meaning-wise. He’ll leave the interpreting to others. When Ben or Ellie tell him they love him it’s like an ice cold hand squeezing his heart, and then molten lava in his belly. It’s not a negative thing by any means, and he will cherish a proclamation of love, cling onto it very much, but it is still very uncomfortable for him to hear.

🌷 What does your OC hate about themself? What lies about themself do they believe? On the flip side, What does your OC love about themself?

He hates this invisible wall between him and anybody else. He hates that he can’t figure out if he built it himself or if it has always been there. He hates that he does not know whether him not being able to tear it down is his own fault, or something he has no control over no matter how hard he tries. So he just blames himself, cause that’s most likely, believes that this is just himself being intrinsically bad in some way, at the very base. Something inside him must really not care, or else he’d be able to change things, right? If he really tried. Maybe it’s in the way his brother raised him, he never gave him the tools to socialize properly, and now it’s too late to change, if he can change at all. So he believes his own lie about not liking or caring for other people, about being emotionless. (ace really is the oc that gets all of my bullshit huh, sorry baby) Some parts of this he loves too. If he looks at people and the problems they create for themselves because of their emotions and ties to other people, how they hurt their own feelings over unnecessary things, he’s sometimes just really really happy to be able to distance himself from some of these things, of being able to not take things personally or interpret hurtful meanings into things other people say instead of just taking them literally and get on with it. He likes his humor and he is damn proud of his talents. He prides himself on his loyalty.

🥀 What is something your OC blames themselves for and is it really their fault? Does it keep them up at night and is there any lingering trauma?

I think the answer to this is mostly in the answer before this. He blames himself for some of his characteristics even if he has no control over them cause they are conditions he was born with. He feels inhuman sometimes, there’s just something other people naturally do that he can’t imitate and he can’t shake the feeling that it’s his fault somehow, or he’s just broken. It’s not, he’s not. He could have certainly gotten better help in accepting and dealing with these feelings, but really there’s nothing much he himself can do about it. It does not necessarily keep him up at night, but it’s definitely a pit in his stomach when he gets to a situation that points out this rift between him and others.

🌺 In what situation would your OC be pushed to commit an act of violence? Would they go as far to kill someone if they had to? How would this affect them and their relationships with others?

He is not somebody that would even show a reaction to being provoked, he’s too calm, too focused on controlling his expression and emotions. So you won’t see him tied into brawls or anything. He would however kill in self-defense, to protect himself and others (not just his loved ones, anybody in need). I think if there was undeniably the need to premeditatedly kill somebody to keep something bad from happening he might just be able to do that too, but only in a ‘no other choice this person is irredeemable’ kind of situation. I’ve mentioned it before, he has killed in self-defense, but that’s not necessarily unusual in his world. I don’t think people expect it to affect him very much, he sure doesn’t let it show. He is also pretty good at shutting himself off of any emotion he’s experiencing. People around him might worry a bit, about it affecting him negatively in the long run. Ben is mostly happy he has someone who steps in to do these things when he himself would rather not. Ellie has no problem killing, so she and Ace would just be in silent agreement about it not being pretty, but necessary.

🌸 What would your OC do if they were given god-like powers or the ability to change anything about the world for a whole day?

Ace would consider doing something ridiculous and stupid. Every person on the planet suddenly making clown shoe squeaky noises when walking.. But in a last minute kind of decision he’d suddenly realize he can use this to learn everything he needs to learn. About his brother, that organization, the gods, who killed JFK… He’d go on a wild conspiracy theory tangent, figuring out what’s true and what isn’t. Ace knowing the secrets of the universe…powerful, scary. He’d probably do nothing with it afterwards, just because that would drive people insane, knowing what he knows and not utilizing it.

🌼 Describe one of your OC’s worst nightmares.

Being truly, utterly alone. He puts so much into believing he could exist all by himself, that he would have no problem with nobody liking him, nobody caring. He’s just trying to prepare himself in case that fear ever becomes true, if he tells himself enough how he does not care maybe it will be true when he needs it someday.

🌻 What advice would your OC give to their younger self? What advice does your OC need now?

He would have to reach an especially enlightened mode for this but: Don’t be as exclusionist. Look out of the metaphorical window from time to time. Look at how other people live their lives, what they value, how they treat each other. There is nothing wrong with accepting the things your brother teaches you and live by your own rules instead of society’s generalized ideas of right and wrong. But there is value in comparison sometimes, to put things in perspective. Advice for now would be similar, but more in the line of: It is okay to recognize and admit that you have been hurt, that does not weaken who you are. Also: Don’ put people on pedestals as much, they are not infallible, believing so will only disappoint and hurt you.

[botaniia]

128

Good chapter, all in all! My thoughts will be much shorter on this one than on 127 because I really hadn’t a clue what to expect from this chapter as opposed to 127. I also read some discussion before writing this so that may influence this, I dunno

Jumping right into things with the airships and answering a question the fandom had since 127: why didn’t the Yaegerists destroy the airships? To push it even further, not only was the question answered, but this fact became a plot-relevant detail as well.

Random thought, but it’s interesting to see Hanji talk about the future prospects of recapturing the uninhabited rumbled lands once this is all over

It’s absolutely divine to see Hanji and Magath strategising and working together

Love love LOVE the panel of everyone getting equipped for battle. I’m dead at Reiner’s “Ah shit here we go again” expression. Very cool to see Annie holding a blade handle again after so long! Jean and Mikasa looking like models as usual, and I love Pieck floating in the background there

So at first I thought the steam was the colossals entering the water on Paradis’ shores. Apparently it’s all the way over at Marley and the rumbling already reached the north. That’s fast! And the fact that the steam can be seen all the way over on Paradis, does that mean that Marley really isn’t all too far away from Paradis?

Falco and Gabi on the lookout are the cutest ever. Glad we get to see my son this chapter! 

Annie: “Hey y’all ‘s okay if I’m armed right?” Everyone: “....”

Every chapter needs a random panel of Levi sleeping because Yams didn’t know what else to put there

Very interesting to see Annie talk using revenge as a frame of reference. It does show how long she’s been under. Pieck explaining the situation to her made me realise we need more interactions between these two

These panels make it obvious how much weight Reiner has lost. Jesus, look at his torso, his neck. He could rival Berthoto in his post-depression  height to weight ratio

I hadn’t even considered that the Yaegerists consisted of their comrades, not the way it’s presented by Jean anyway. It makes a lot of sense that they don’t want to fight and kill their old friends

Annie is to Jean this chapter what Jean was to Hanji the last chapter. Asking the really hard questions in response to a pacifist mindset.

Armin has gotten thick, wow

If I still shipped aruani I’d consider this a strong moment but now it just feels less impactful bhjvk

The dam finally broke for Connie! All these past chapters, he’s been off looking stoic and determined, but it looks like his emotions are finally showing outwardly as well. Poor fucking kid, he’s really seen too much

And he does raise a very important moral question there. With the realisation we see him make later in the chapter, it’s also a very fitting thing for him to wonder about. He’s just not ready to start killing, even if it’s the best option for their cause, and I can respect that he has issues with such a plan.

Annie’s expression... hurts me soul, man

I don’t think I follow yet how she came to the conclusion that JCAM wouldn’t have destroyed the walls if it were them. I don’t agree nor disagree, because I don’t think that it’s possible to estimate that. The JCAM of today definitely wouldn’t have done it, but the JCAM of today are adults who didn’t grow up as child soldiers under heavy propaganda and who were used as disposable weapons. It’s impossible to compare the two with each other. Is Annie saying this because she as the adult she is today would do it all again, as she stated a few chapters back? I’m sure discussion in the next few days will clear this line up.

It’s gonna take me a few days of thinking to understand what exactly that callback to Eren saying he’s just like Reiner means, and how it connects to Annie’s words. Does he think back of it because he likens himself to Eren, or because he likens Eren to himself? It feels like Eren’s saying that he would’ve broken the wall, which is exactly what he’s doing right now with the rumbling, but what do I know? I’m usually dead wrong about things like this. 

I can admire Reiner giving JCAM a choice to not fight the ones they hold dear. After all this time and despite everything, he still holds his old comrades dear enough to spare them from this battle

Hanji’s ready to kill, and I understand it. People are already dying in Marley and there’s no more time left to be humane about things. It’s just like the decision to torture Sannes, like the decision to kill RB given the chance. In an ideal world they’d be able to talk and take their time, but right now they unfortunately don’t have that luxury.

Poor fucking Pieck, Annie, and Reiner. Learning they may already be too late and the worst can have already happened. And Connie’s face. This is the most emotion we’ve seen out of him in a long time that wasn’t just flat out bitterness. He looks destroyed.

Magath shoving Onyankopon had me gigglin’, ngl

It was something else seeing Yelena so emotional and pained. Have we seen her like this before? In a situation where she’s not her usual confident, in control self but she’s genuinely in pain or scared? And then her crying... She’s growing on me more and more the more I see her, now I’m sorta hoping she survives this story

Magath’s confession... I’m gonna be honest, when I first read this it felt like it came out of nowhere and felt forced. Rereading it, I can see where it came from. It’s been on his mind for quite some time since it happened and the fact that they suddenly, just like that, ran out of time probably got him to decide that if there’s ever a time to say this, it’s now

It also proves the idea that right before someone is about to crack, they double down in their ideals. It’s a type of stubbornness all humans have and it often leads to conflict. Doubling down didn’t work, so he finally allowed himself to accept something he didn’t want to be true but somewhere knew was true anyway. That’s growth. I did think Magath would end up coming through in the end

Good on him, a Marleyan, to tell Eldians that the one truth Eldians had always been taught, that they are responsible for their ancestors’ sins, isn’t true at all and that they do not deserve the blame. It just doesn’t hold the same relieving value if an Eldian says it. That was sorely needed, and for Magath specifically to say that is a good thing!

And to tell it to Pieck, Annie, and Reiner as well? That’s a very important detail as well. Done are the days of only absolving the 104th when the warriors deserve it just as much

‘Forgive but don’t forget, teach our children what happened without pointing the finger’ is such an important key idea and I’m glad it’s been put into words. Maybe the school kids from the s4 preview are the outcome of that?

I’m gonna wait for the official translation to look at Armin’s refusal because I don’t believe I fully grasp what he means there

Floch implying that the death of Kiyomi’s nation is a good thing, that she no longer has to worry, shows just how wrong his entire school of thought is. He’s literally “can’t worry about your homeland if your homeland doesn’t exist anymore”. 

Kiyomi’s words as parallel to Erwin’s? Love it

“But what’s most important is for you to know your place” WOW, guy really is on a power trip where he wants to establish a rigid hierarchy, huh?

He does look absolutely terrifying in those panels. Congrats, Yams, you made me intimidated by Floch for reasons other than “he might shoot anyone at any time”

Armin’s strategy bkhjvgjh use the chaos and confusion to get the edge on him, I like it

Absolutely love the dynamic between Connie and Armin. Armin, you lying shit, you’re fake crying again

He knew from the start it hadn’t worked though

Samuel! DAZ!!!! Finally! They’re back! The memes are no longer just dreams!

Kiyomi charging Floch and proceeding to wipe the floor with him will be the subject of my dreams for years to come

When Armin and Connie first realised that the plan failed, I was sure they were surrounded by Yaegerists on all sides and they’d stand no chance. That’s also the moment I accepted that one of them was gonna get KO’d. I honestly expected Connie to bite the dust

When Mikasa first crashed through the window, I thought that she was Levi. Look at that face! It’s such an Ackerman face! It took me a few pages to determine whether that was Mikasa or Levi, even if I knew Levi definitely wouldn’t have been a possibility.

God, how good it feels to see Floch so desperate and distressed! That panel where he’s on his stomach and shoots his anchor out of the window is hilarious

Floch thinks Jean is dead, so he didn’t call for the Yaegerists to attack him. I wonder if that’ll play out somehow. But it does show that he believed that Armin spoke the truth when he said that Jean and Onyankopon were killed. So does he still think the warriors are not on their side (until he’s obv proven wrong, ofc)?

Magath in a SC jacket is 😩👌

Armin being shot had me bamboozled. If he still were my fav character I would’ve definitely had a heart attack, but even now that fucking HURT and caught me completely off-guard. Especially since it’s not just one shot, but three, all of which hit a major artery in one way or another. I was sure Armin was out for a good moment here

Oh wow. I didn’t realise it the first time reading, but the second time? God damn, the parallels between SC and warriors in that particular scene. Just like how Jean and Connie talked to Bertholdt and Reiner about how they’d grow old together and share a good drink once this was all over but their betrayal destroyed that possibility and nullified their camaraderie, Samuel is talking to Connie and Armin about how they’d retake the lands and raise as much cattle as they wanted once this was all over but their betrayal made that impossible. Connie got it. Connie understood in that moment and that’s currently emotionally fucking me over

Reiner and Annie shooting up behind Floch... 😩👌

THEIR TRANSFORMATION POSES, HOT DAMN They’re ready to wipe the floor with some Yaegerists

At first I thought we’d gotten nakey Reiner (ain’t his ass plates missing?) but his face gave me renewed hope. The unhardening thing was a one-time thing only, so it looks like his titan does get armour!

I wonder how convincing it would’ve sounded if in 2016 we heard that in 2020 we’d be overjoyed to see the armoured titan and the female titan wrecking some Survey Corps shit but look where we are now

Zombie Armin looked TERRIFYING, holy fuck

And then there’s those last two pages. Wow. I didn’t even know what I was reading when I first read them, I hadn’t a clue that I was reading the exact narrative I’d been begging to see for many many years. And when I realised it, fuck, that felt good

Connie is betraying comrades, dearly beloved people whom he shared good times with, whom he made promises to, but who unfortunately ended up being on the opposite side of the conflict as he is, because it’s what his goal requires of him. 

The way Samuel words it, it’s even a direct parallel to the way the 104th worded their grievances to Bertholdt and Reiner when they were running away with Eren and Ymir. And when Connie finally answers “You are our comrades, but...” it just clicks. They’re his comrades, they are valued, and yet they still have to die. Just like they did in Clash. Just like they did in RtS. He’s in the exact same situation as RB were years ago, and he’s 100% aware of how this is what’s happening

And it’s the fact that Connie doesn’t use this memory to back down to prove to himself that he’s ‘better’, letting Armin and possibly himself get killed in the process, but instead reevaluates his stance and recontextualises what he knew back then, that’s exactly what I’ve been wishing for for so long

I intend to make a separate post on this because I have so many thoughts on this subject. This tiny detail changes so much for me, clears up so many of the doubts I had, and gives me so much hope that I’m sure will be shattered over the next few weeks but let me DREAM

In fact, I made the post right here

[ramblian]

Jericho Thoughts

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh

okay so. i’m rewatching jericho. i first watched it sometime around 8th-9th grade, I think maybe somewhere in the first half of 2014. I basically remembered this: the main character was the black sheep of the family, he came back to town, and atomic bombs destroyed most of the US, and the show was about the town dealing with the aftermath. the guy from continuum and one ep of flashpoint played a character i liked named dale (eric knudsen) who liked a popular girl who ended up befriending him, and the asking-for-flowers flashpoint ep guy was the responsible brother. Someone used to be a teacher. The main character looked like Skeet Ulrich, but i didn’t know who that was, just the name.

turns out the main character WAS Skeet Ulrich, and 2 characters (heather and emily) used to be teachers, and i apparently forgot almost all of the major characters. I’ve been rewatching it with the knowledge of which characters die, so that’s good. the show is really good, and it’s really intense. I’m almost done, and it’s tough to keep watching both because it’s so intense and because i know a character i like is about to die tragically. 

watching this show makes me so TENSE. i think it really got bad when goetz showed up and i knew bonnie’s death was coming up. i’ve been watching the same episode for like an hour and i started 6 minutes in from another viewing. i don’t know why i’m so stressed. well actually i do it’s because things in this show are AWFUL but i know that no one dies after bonnie.

i also really like that the plot is very much what drives the show. romantic relationships somewhat matter (eric/april/mary, dale/skylar, and stanley/mimi in particular get screentime, while jake’s relationships with emily and heather are there and meaningful but not something that drives the story or gets a lot of attention. dale and eric’s relationships have also been less important in season 2) but they are regularly sidelined while the character deal with the latest crisis. characters have backstories that aren’t always super expanded on, like johnston’s chaotic neutral dad or stanley and bonnie’s parents, because they don’t have a meaningful impact on the plot- how mimi grew up isn’t going to change how the Greens deal with food shortages. 

also, i love that it’s a post-apocalyptic show where there’s a lot of fighting and lawlessness and not once have they used rape as a plot device. the closest it ever came to being mentioned was when maggie, a survivor pretending to be military to get towns’ supplies, said that ‘out there, men only want women for one thing’ and that’s IT. i respect that so much. way too many shows and books and movies are like ‘things are bad... and we can only express that through rape’ but this show never does

also the grey morality is very well done in season 1 (the bad guys are clearer in season 2). characters fight and do shitty things because everyone is just trying to survive. Constantino was wrong to start a war with Jericho, but i also understand where he was coming from. Ravenwood ransacked New Bern and left them with almost nothing, and Jericho never bothered to warn them. There were some people considering not honoring the deal to repay the windmills in food. New Bern was on the brink of destruction and Constantino tried to get the resources for survival where he could, by force. The thing with the refugees too. There isn’t really enough food for everyone, and it’s true that Jericho’s been getting a lot of refugees when it’s barely managing to sustain its own population. Some of the refugees have been stealing from them, and sometimes you have to make tricky decisions to survive. But the refugees are also probably going to die if they get sent away, and understandably they cannot accept that. they’ve been stealing food to prepare for this possibility, and they are willing to be violent to secure their place because jericho is much better off than just about anywhere else and they don’t want to die. Roger gets in a fight with Gray and accidentally shoots him, but then actively chooses to hold him at gunpoint and refuse him medical help unless he guarantees the safety of the other refugees. That’s obviously awful- but he’s also trying to protect the lives of the 50 innocent people he brought here. In the end, the refugees get to stay because some Jericho residents volunteer to share their rations, but Roger does not because he obviously committed a terrible crime. He’s not a bad person, but of course he can’t just be forgiven and integrated back into Jericho like nothing happened, and he accepts that and leaves with only a gun from Jake to protect himself because at least the others and emily will be safe. 

also that emily and roger’s relationship wasn’t made meaningless in order to further her relationship with jake even despite their history as high school sweethearts.

oh god i just watched the scene where stanley’s talking to bonnie in the morgue and it’s so well done and i’m just in bed crying- not sobbing or anything, but plenty of tears. i don’t know what the last show to make me cry like this was; i’ve been watching so much youtube that i haven’t been watching a lot of hard hitting shows lately i guess. Barry was extremely Fucked Up, that might have made me cry, but it might not have- it had me fucked up for weeks, but i don’t know if i cried.

anyway the scene with stanley and bonnie in the morgue is so good. Stanley talking to her like she’s still alive the way they always did for their parents, and talking to her sign language bc that’s her language. Telling her to say hi to their parents. Letting her know that mimi is still alive, that she succeeded in protecting her, and thanking her for it. Still joking around a little even though he’s obviously heartbroken and just being so genuine with her. Neither of them deserved this. 

wow can’t believe heather is a fuckin bootlicker, knowing that the government is extremely corrupt and that she and beck are destroying new bern and choosing to continue to work for that government.

oh beck just has to be some sort of a stupid son of a bitch. absolute goddamn buffoon. siding with the govt, arresting jake in the shadiest way possible in the middle of a crowd, choosing to torture jake (which if he knew a goddamn thing like hawkins did he would know was ineffective), and then thinking that after everything this town and those rangers have done to protect themselves and their loved ones that it was just going to work out for him like the others aren’t going to come for jake immediately and efficiently. i liked beck well enough before but any fondness or respect for him is fucking absolutely gone.

at least eric is really getting to show off his leadership skills now. johnston’s dead, jake’s been arrested/kidnapped, hawkins is busy with other shit. eric’s always one of the second-in-commands but this is one of the few times he’s just plain in command.

“your friends have escalated this to a level i will not tolerate” right but you dragging jake to a fuckin blacksite to torture him was fine???? YOU ESCALATED THIS YOU DUMB STUPID SON OF A BITCH. you have really been given so many chances this season to not serve an evil government and try to protect these people and you’ve failed almost every time, huh? he’d also have to be some sort of an idiot to think that a clearly faked note with jake’s signature saying ‘this bad’ would stop anyone. god i haven’t escalated to hating someone this much so quickly in a long fuckin time.

love how beck is leveraging the entire town of jericho and choosing to oppress them in order to get the rangers to turn themselves in <3 i love punishing innocent people to use them against others just like goetz did last episode <3 what a good guy

i dont know why there are so many beck fics on ao3 because this man fucking sucks. like, can you imagine refusing a whole town food, power, and lights as a bargaining chip, blaming someone else (”don’t forget, you caused this”) and then still thinking you have the moral high ground? incredible mental gymnastics when will beck be in the olympics

heather: your actions are so blatantly terrible that i am just now beginning to consider not defending you to everyone. take responsibility for what you do

beck: hmm. no. my choices are jake’s fault

i know beck is probably going to ‘redeem’ himself by the end of the episode but i don’t fuckin care. too late for him now he can’t just say ‘oops’ and pretend he hasn’t done all of this shit. wild how his actions are now literally being compared to those of nazis during wwii and people still like this guy.

hey do you think beck is an idiot asshole or just pretending to be one for fun

commanding officer: go ahead and destroy everything in the area

beck:  🤔 is killing all those people wrong?

oof rip eric sure is rough when you have to ally with the guy who tortured you and killed your dad to protect ur city but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. also where the hell has dale been? i’ll let it go bc the show isn’t consistent on when he shows up and is a major part of town but in universe it sure is fuckin weird, and you know beck would have dragged him in for questioning too

oh wow beck finally decided to actually try thinking critically and addressing the obvious evidence about cheyenne’s corruption. that makes up for everything and i can stan now /s

‘i’m no longer taking orders from the cheyenne government. i believe it’s corrupt at its core. its actions are criminal’ oh so like everyone’s been telling you this whole time? the actions like the ones you’ve taken, not even at anyone’s command? idiot.

lmao i’m not as opposed to constantino’s methods as the show thinks i’m supposed to be. a revolution against a corrupt, oppressive government is not peaceful. it cannot be. the only good fascist is a dead one.

[multi-fandom-imagines8]

Time Is Everything

Masterlist

Taglist

Warnings: Infinity War spoilers, angst, death.

A/N: This turned out sadder than I thought it would be, sorry!

Summary: After Thanos wipes out half of the universe, Tony tells them what Strange told him and you understand what he meant. Someone must go back in time to save everyone, but in doing so the person must sacrifice themselves. You are the only one with powers that allow you to travel in time, so you do it without telling your boyfriend Steve the price.

Word Count: 2270

“Oh god” Steve exclaimed sitting next to Vision's dead body.

“there must be a way to fix this” you told the others.

“there isn't. We lost. Vision's dead, Wanda's dead, B- Bucky and half of our planet is gone” Steve lost all hope which wasn't in his nature.

“Hey, hey” you noticed the pain he was feeling and hugged him. He put his head on your chest and cried, you held him tightly and kissed his head trying to stay strong for him.

You stayed in Wakanda with the rest of the team, helping the injured and rebuilding what was destroyed. But the truth is, Steve didn't want to leave because he wasn't ready to face the world yet.

After a week Tony arrived with robot looking girl. You haven't seen him in two years. You and Tony were close, but after you chose to side with Steve you lost contact. You were very happy to see him now, even Steve was. They put their differences aside and were ready to work together again.

“Tony” you ran to hug him. At first he was surprised that you were glad to see him, then he hugged back.

“Long time no see... This is Nebula... She's Thanos' daughter, but she's an ally” he introduced.

“Hey, I'm y/n. Nice to meet you” you shook her hand “come on, let me show you around” you guided them.

“Babe, look who's here” you entered the lab where Steve was.

He looked up and stood in silence.

“Captain” Tony greeted.

“Stark” he greeted back “I thought you were dead”.

“Well I'm here, so... who's left of the team?” Tony asked.

“Me, y/n, Bruce, Nat, Thor, Rhody and you apparently” he informed him.

“everyone else-”

“dead. They'll all dead” he looked down.

“I'm sorry for your loss” Tony apologized.

“Wasn't that spider boy with you?” you asked.

“He's dead too and it's my fault” Tony regretted.

“I'm sorry and it's not your fault. All of this is Thanos' fault. So instead of blaming yourselves, let's work on a plan to defeat him” you suggested.

“There's no defeating him now. He's got all of the stones, he wiped out half of the universe and he's gone” Tony said.

“Now you sound like Steve. What's wrong with you? Both of you are not likely to give up that easily. You're always optimistic and hopeful, what happened to that?” you asked them.

“what do you want me to do, huh? There's literally nothing to be done. He's gone and we have nothing to find him and have no way of defeating him, unless you have a plan you'd like to share” Steve said.

“No, I don't. But we'll figure it out. We always do” you had hope.

“what happened to you? You were always a pessimist, what changed?” Tony asked.

“apparently, we changed roles. Someone has to have hope for the rest of the team. And if you or Steve won't then I'll have to. But it'll be helpful if you started to think about a plan with me” you explained.

“Wait... I remembered something, but I didn't understand it, maybe you can. So I met this wizard called Strange, I know it's strange. He was responsible for the time stone and saw the past and future. Out of all the possibilities and scenarios, there's only one where we win against Thanos. He said if it came down to me, P- Peter and the Stone, he wouldn't hesitate to save the stone, yet when Thanos was about to kill me, he gave him the stone in order to save my life. He said we're in the end game now. Before he died, he told me it was the only way, what does that even mean?” Tony told you everything that Stephen said.

“you said he had the time stone and he can see the future and the past. He saw only one scenario where we'd win...what- what if he meant for us to travel back in time?” you asked.

“what? That's impossible. No one has done that before and there's no  time machine. This isn't a movie y/n” Tony didn't want to believe.

“why not? We have miracles all around. Five years ago, we wouldn't have believed there were other species. Thor, Loki, Thanos, you” you pointed at Nebula.” And then you created something Ultron and Vision. Let's not forget about all these mutants and what everyone posses is a miracle alone” you tried to convince him.

“so what are you saying? We go back in time and safe the world, but how do you want to do that honey?” Steve asked.

“I don't know yet, but at least now we actually have a plan. It's better than nothing” you sighed.

“how do you plan to find one y/n? Let's face it, you're in denial and refuse to accept the fact that we've been defeated” Steve held your face in his hands.

“where there's a will, there's a way. And I'm not in denial. I know we've been defeated, but Thanos won the battle, not the war. You're the one who's refusing to accept that there's a way” you looked him in the eyes but he turned away.

“Alright, alright. I believe in you and if you believe that then I'll support you” he kissed your forehead.

“I have an idea. What about the guy that was with this ant guy, the creator?” Tony asked.

“This might actually work. With the technology we have here and the knowledge of this guy, we might pull it off”.

- - -

The plan worked and there was a thing like a time machine, but this was much more complicated. It needed someone who can survive extreme coldness, luckily, that was your power.

“y/n, do you have a second?” Tony called you.

“yeah sure, what's up?” you asked.

“I need you to come with me to the lab” he lead the way and you followed. His voice was soft and there was sadness in it.

“Ms. Y/l/n” Dr. Hank greeted.

“Doctor! Is there something wrong?” you noticed the looks between the two of them.

“There's a thing you have to know about this device. It will take you back and you'll  be able to save everyone, but I'm afraid that you- you're not gonna make it, I'm sorry” he apologized.

“Oh, my body can take the coldness, don't worry” you assured him.

“Y/n, that's not it” Tony looked sad.

“wearing this device, will kill you. The chemicals in it will poison your blood. But because you can freeze things, it will give you enough time to make everything right. I'm afraid if you do this, you won't be coming back” Hank explained.

“Oh... I see... It's alright, the price of freedom is high, it always has been. And it's a price I'm willing to pay, if it saves my friends and the world” you expressed.

“You don't have to do this” Tony told you.

“I want to. Winning always comes with consequences. It's alright. Just do me a favor and don't tell Steve” you told them.

“whatever you need”.

- - -

“it's time” you nervously smiled.

“hey, everything is going to be alright” Steve put his hands on your shoulders and tried to calm you down.

“I know” you sighed.

“We're all depending on you. We only got one shot” Tony reminded you.

You said farewell and hugged all of them. Now it was time to say goodbye to Steve. This was the hardest part. You tried to hide the tears and faked a smile.

“this is it” you said.

“I'll see on the other side” he kissed your forehead.

“I love you. I want you to remember that. I always will” you kissed him goodbye and hugged him one last time.

He noticed you hugging him tighter than usual “Hey, it's gonna be alright. This is not the end” he reassured you.

“It's not for you. Be happy” you took a step back and tried to memorize this picture. It was almost all of your friends standing, smiling and waving at you.

- - -

You were able to defeat Thanos with the other device Dr. Hank, Bruce, Shuri and Tony made.

You felt proud and tired. You just saved the world. You hoped everything is fine as you reached the ocean. It was cold, just like you liked it. You floated on the surface and watched the sun set one last time, before closing your eyes forever.

- - -

Steve has been walking in circles for the past few hours. He was worried about you.

“Come see this cap” Tony called him and he followed.

He saw Bucky alive, he rushed to hug him and a smile was placed on his face.

“she did Tony, she saved us all” Steve said in excitement.

“Yes, she did” sadness took over Tony's face.

“what's wrong?” suddenly the smile fell of Steve's face. He felt it. Something was not right with you.

“It's y/n” he exclaimed.

“what about her Tony?” Steve slightly raised his voice.

“she's- she's gone Steve” Tony informed him.

“what do you mean gone? She'll come back, just give her time” Steve asked.

“you don't understand... she's dead” Tony told him.

“no no no, don't say that. You don't know that. She'll come back, you'll see” Steve didn't want to believe that, even though his heart, mind and guts are telling him that you are. He could feel it but  denied it.

“I do know that. The device contained deadly chemicals that once inserted in the body, death's certain. With her it was slower, her power gave her enough time to defeat Thanos. That's why it had to be her. Anyone else would've died before reaching Thanos. She knew she was going to die and she asked me to not tell you until after. She wrote you a letter” Tony explained and handed him the letter.

“No...” tears were filling Steve's eyes and he was angry that he punched Tony in the face.

 Tony didn't stop him, he knew the pain he was feeling. Steve sat on the ground and put his head in his hands.

“this isn't happening”.

Tony and Bucky sat next to him, trying to comfort him.

- - -

“you're gonna have to read the letter sooner or later Steve...These were her lasts words to you. Don't you wanna know what she wrote?” Bucky urged him to read it.

“No. Reading it means that this is the last thing I'll hear from her. It means no more y/n. I can't” he informed him.

“If you don't read it, I'll do it for you” Bucky warned.

Later that night, Steve was sitting on the bed, in your shared room. Your scent was still on the bed, your clothes on the chair. You were messy and that used to make him argue with you. This time he was glad to see your shirt on the chair, he even smiled and remembered every time he argued with you.

“why did you have to leave me? I have so much to tell you. I want to apologize for every time I hurt you. I love you y/n” he muttered to himself and decided to read the letter.

“Dear Steve,

By the time you read this, I'll be long dead. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but if I did you would've never let me go. I needed to do this. The world is now safer. Bucky is back, so that should make you smile again. He's there for you, Tony too. Don't keep things to yourself. Don't try to hide your emotions. Talk to them about it. Don't blame yourself, this was my choice. I love you Steve Grant Rogers, I always have, always will. I want you to move on, find a sweet girl, get married and have children. I know you've always wanted to start a family, I'm sorry we didn't have the time to do so. Be happy my love. Don't let my death be a reason for your sadness. It would break my heart to know that. I saw the ring, I would've said yes. Don't feel guilty for not proposing earlier. Now you get the chance to start over. Just don't forget about me. We'll meet again in the after life, just don't die so early. I need time to miss you, so we'd have an emotional reunion haha. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be making jokes, I'm dying and you're probably in pain. Let go captain and be happy. I'll always be with you my love.

Your y/n.”

He had mixed emotions after reading this. He knew you wanted him to be happy and smile but he couldn't, at least not now.

@markusstraya @purpstraw @berruneko09 @5aftermidnight @jeansongg @babymorganna @projectxhappiness

[philcreateddan]

Still I call it magic

title: Still I call it magic

words: 2k

warnings: none

chapter: 1/?

Years ago, you promised your firstborn to a witch. Since then, despite your best efforts, you can’t seem to get laid. The witch is starting to get pretty pissed. (x)

2009

Dan is living his fucking nightmare with every step he takes. Long, skeletal trees shadowing the path. The moon, barely visible between branches being the only thing illuminating his direction. Said direction being at least a hundred steps from his grandma’s house heading towards the small pond he used to play in when he was a kid.

Or so he hopes otherwise he is lost and doomed to die by poor orientation skills.

At least it’s not winter, neither summer, or he would be perishing by any extreme of the otherwise boring London weather. The fallen leaves crunch under heavy step of his tall frame and he swears to himself because he should have brought his earphones at least. Kanye’s voice would make this whole experience less frightening to be honest, but in his rush he has left behind many things on the house behind him except for the red lighter he bought last week and never leaves his pocket.

Kanye’s voice may also be good to stop his tears, he thinks, using his sweater paw to clean the moisture falling from his eyes. The pond is visible now, right in front of him. Illuminated by the moon, obscuring everything else around it so blue is the only color left on the scene. It somehow makes him cry more.

He is being dramatic and he knows it but, fuck it, Erin and her three years of loving and closeness had just left him less than half an hour ago without a way of reconciliation, his grandma isn’t home, his parents don’t give a shit and his friends are already packing to leave for college and he is going to die alone. Alone and alone and miserable and forgotten.

“Fuck.”

He sits, legs pressed to his torso. Lets the misery swallow him and inflate his chest. Because this is what frightens him more. Slenderman can wait, the darkness hunting behind him with secrets can wait. His shattering feeling of being alone can win them on a duel in a second as it is. In a world full of wonders and magic and normality he is one and by himself. And Dan hates it. He hates how easily everyone is leaving to study and have a life or simply walking away to more important things and he is staying behind.

No one is staying with him because he has always known, he is disposable. Never one person’s favorite. Perhaps for Erin for a while but she is leaving now and he is not willing to fight because he loves her but not enough to follow. It makes him cry harder then, the idea of not finding anyone to follow to begin with. He had thought she was going to be the one he will always fight for but she had asked and not a single particle of him had agreed. He doesn’t blame her for leaving so upset. He is upset at himself too. Afraid of his lack of will.

And that fear, that deep, endless pit of a future where he never finds someone to share his life with is what makes him stand up.

“I want to make a deal.” He croaks to the moon. Clears his throat and repeats it with a clearer voice “I want to make a deal.”

“Heard you the first time.” The voice from behind him startles the soul out of his body and he yelps turning to meet whoever spoke.

“Jesus on a fucking shit!”

He is greeted by a boy, not that older than him he guesses. Skin as white as the moon itself. Eyes wide and shiny, reflecting the glimmering of the water near them, and a little amused smirk he was not even trying to hide. The hair though. Pretty much the same as his only cooler and black and Dan is immediately envious of the shape of it in comparison of his own. The boy speaks again.

“Wow. Blasphemy at it best.” He walks closer and Dan starts thinking it might be a bad idea as his first summoning has gone too easily. Either that or he is being pranked because the outfit and manners of this boy (an inch taller than him it seems now that he is closer) are far from what he expected.

Witches, curses and many folklore things are common since the Halloween incident of 1957 when they had officially come out to the world (or, out of the hat as they called) after living in the shadows for so long. It had taken humanity a while to accept them, as in every different group ever, but ultimately reached an agreement of being and let it be. Cautiousness still prevailed in smaller towns but with laws and rights implemented it was becoming more and more normal to have neighbors who prepare potions instead for hobbies.

Dan had experienced a few encounters with magic and its branches himself; with gnomes for example, annoying destructive creatures that enjoyed pranking his dog, and that one teacher who turned out to be a witch in primary school. Literally and metaphorically. After being cursed with pig noses along the rest of his classroom for making too much noise (for which she obviously lost her job and refused to undo the curse for three months), Dan had developed a somewhat fear of magic. Not exactly something he looked for as many of his classmates had in order to find remedies for acne or love potions. Many things Dan is skeptical about to this day.

But the guy in front of him looked nothing like his teacher, or many of the other witches streaming on the media. Long coats and tall pointy hats. This guy was wearing jeans and a shirt too tight and colorful to be a wizard. Apart from pointing out how his hair is nothing like what he expected. And he seems to have cold in fact, if his rubbing his arms is anything to go by.

“So. Are you going to tell me what you want or…?” he says making Dan realize he has been quiet for too long now.

His cheeks start blushing then.

If an old lady with huge nose and perhaps an apple had been the one to appear instead. This guy could easily be one of his friends from school for God’s sake.

“R-right. I want to make a deal with you.”

“Yeah, I got that. So what do you want?”

Dan notes then the strong northern accent. As far as anything else he could have expected and he sniffs, both from cold and from his crying of before.

“Sorry.”  The magical boy with northern accent and emo fringe is blushing too. Flexes his hands as if not sure of what to do with them. His eyes widen more which makes him look like a deer about to get hit by a car.

“Huh?”

“You took me by surprise and I was being rude. You are clearly upset by something and, er, called for help. Let me help you.”

Dan’s brain, suffocated by emotions by now after a long afternoon followed by the most exercise he has done in months, is taken back by the sincerity of the emo fringe witch, who didn’t have to apologize because he had not been rude at all but maybe Dan looks as fragile as he feels right now and fuck, that’s embarrassing. He is crying before he can stop himself again. Covers his face with his hands to prevent the ugly sobbing from being too visible.

“Shit! Sorry, I didn’t mean to… come here.” He wants to talk and say he will be okay. Or maybe run and forget he just cried in front of a magical person out of nowhere. But gentle hands are guiding him somewhere and out of curiosity and fear he opens his eyes to see. “Alright, uhm. See that water lotus over that is near us?”

He clears his eyes to look at it. “The one that’s dying?”

“Right. Now don’t move.” The boy lifts a hand to his face and Dan flinches back in response to which the boy stops. His eyes are pleading and this time Dan holds still while a finger recollects some of the moisture his tears left behind on his cheek. “Look.”

Dan follows while the boy whispers something to his finger before softly caressing the dying flower with the remaining of his tears. He half expects a light or even some dramatic wind to fulfill the moment but nothing happens. And nothing is needed because before his eyes the perishing flower recovers its life. The petals spring back pointing up and beautiful and its subtle but yet real.

“Wow.”

“Ace right?”

Dan looks to his left where this by all means normal looking guy has just brought back something to life and bursts out laughing.

“Ace? Oh my God.”

The witch seems confused for a moment but as Dan keeps on laughing he laughs along. “Shut up.”

“Alright, alright. That was ace man.”

“Thank you. Better now?” the magic boy rolls his eyes but seems amused still.

“Yeah.”

“Kind of?”

“Kind of.”

Dan takes a deep breath. This, this is what he enjoys. Laughing has not the same meaning if it doesn’t make someone else laugh along. This world is filled with magic and beauty in ways he has yet to discover and this particular night is proving him that. But he doesn’t have anyone to tell this short yet magical story to when he comes back home. No one to share how this northern guy has just made him laugh with a simple word. And that, that breaks his heart.

“I want to find my soul mate.” He says staring directly into the other’s eyes. “I want to find the love of my life and have a happy life with her.” He doubts for a second. “Or him.”

The boy blinks a couple of times. “You don’t really need magic to do that, you know?”

He knows that. But statistics resonate in his brain, and by calculations and given how his life has developed so far he is more likely to be lucked out and the idea is frightening enough to constrict his throat. It has been eating his brain for too long now to be ignored.

“I just… I don’t want be alone.” He whispers.

Dan doesn’t look up. He doesn’t need the look of sympathy or boredom he might be receiving. He hears a sigh instead.

“Alright but I have to warn you it might take a while. You won’t find the person tomorrow necessarily, it could take years. How old are you anyway?”

“Seventeen.”

The boy whistles “That’s very young mate.”

“Yeah.”

“Like, really young. You’re still a fetus.”

Dan looks at the guy again and frowns. “As if you’re an old man.”

The witch shrugs and smiles. A smile Dan recognizes as he has given it to his younger brother a couple of times himself. “At my twenties. But look, uhm, what’s your name?”  

“Dan.”

“I’m Phil. Look, Dan. A lot of people fear they won’t ever find their soulmates but you are young man. Not sore for the eyes exactly so I’m sure it will be easy for you to find someone, just wait mate.”

“I’m not an idiot. I have conditions.”

“Conditions?” Phil lifts an eyebrow.

“I want to meet them before my thirties. Not any teen book drama bullshit like we meet the second before our imminent death or anything either.”

Witch Phil laughs, his hands resting on his pockets now in a weird position Dan is sure shouldn’t be comfortable at all. “Help you find the person and prevent you from dying. Got it. But what if they don’t reciprocate? By rule we can’t alter human emotions.”

That is an option he knows and fears. Dan thinks for a moment before answering “I want to find them. To know they exists. A person for me. I will take care of the rest.”

Phil stares for a second too long, his face unreadable for Dan. “Anything else?”

“I want to know. When I meet them. Somehow I want to know.”

“You will.”

“Okay then.”

“The second you turn thirty the contract is over and I, no longer will have the power to reclaim the payment if you have not yet met them.”

Dan swallows then. This is it. He has heard of it before but none other than from warnings and stories meant to prevent humans to do this kind of pacts with witches. “And, what is it? The payment.”

Phil doubts for a moment. If he weren’t so pale Dan would swear he is blushing and he wonders if the myths are correct. What could this young witch possibly want with a human life anyway? For a second Dan thinks, hopes, Phil is going to ask for money. No matter the amount he would get it. Anything but…

“Your firstborn.”

He can’t help it then. Curiosity takes the best of him. “Why?”

“None of your business.”

He takes a step back, for the first time honestly frightened by the witch Phil. The corners of his lips falling, jaw tensing “You… you don’t eat them right?”

“What?” Phil’s face crumbles with a disgusted grimace “Of course not! That’s macabre!”

“Then why…”

“Nothing perverse! Jeez Dan what kind of twisted mind do you have?”

“Alright, alright. I had to ask right?”

“I’m going to have nightmares now.”

Dan rolls his eyes. Swallows a commentary about that because this person in front of him has magic in his veins, no matter how normal he looks, and upsetting him could mean a humiliation or death itself.

“If you still want to make the deal then someday, I will tell you why. But that’s what it takes.”

It’s getting late and, night owl and all, Dan is starting to feel it in his bones. This person, this awkward witch he just met, with his emo fringe and delicate fingers and big shinning eyes could never hurt a baby. Of that he is certain. Certain as endless possibilities launch on his mind that this is as magical as his life will get. His thirtieth birthday will arrive and he will remember this day and laugh back because witch Phil will fail or forget and move on. Dispose him too.

“Deal.” He extends his hand. Tired and sad and mostly prepared now to face the oncoming days when his family will ask about Erin and look away in pity for the girl he had abandoned as numerous things in his life.

Phil looks surprised, Dan doesn’t want to keep explaining himself or his reasons so he keeps his hand there, waiting between them.

When Phil finally grasps it, it feels electric. Goosebumps on his whole body makes him shiver and Dan gasps.

“Deal.”

Only then he realizes, witch Phil has blue eyes. The water has not been reflecting on his eyes, if he were to be asked he would say it was the opposite. Again the color blue swallows every color around them and Dan has to blink hard because he is hallucinating. Eyes can’t have more than one color can they?

Then it’s warm. Warm all over his body and his eyes are fighting to stay alert. But Dan smiles, cocky and skeptic not of magic but of himself.

“Alright Phil. Help me find my soulmate.”

I realize it may not make sense so far but I promise I have a whole plot developed. And in case you read the link I have above then yeah that’s basically what’s going to happen. I haven’t rated it because as much as I’ll keep it as a slowburn I can’t promise there will or won’t be any smut. However if anything woo-hoo’ish happens it won’t be for a long time still. Soz.

This is my first au so let me know if you like it so far it really means a lot. Even if no one likes it I will probably keep writing just because I like this story and how it has gone in my mind so far and I want to write it even if for my own enjoyment lol

[ocbungou]

Thank you, Sunflower, for submitting your application! Both mods have gone over it and accepted it for approval into the ring. Please have your blog ready by October 5th.

COUNTRY. MOSCOW, RUSSIA

NAME. LYOV ARON [ no need for formalities - just call him lyov ] PRONOUNS. HE/HIM AGE. TWENTY-SEVEN

ALIGNMENT. THE MAFIA

APPEARANCE. HE MIGHT AS WELL BE A VAMPIRE. HE’S NOT BUT THE POINTING AND THE LOUD ‘VAMPIRE’ FROM RUDE LITTLE BRATS PASSING BY DOES GET ON HIS NERVES. AND WORSE, HE KNOWS THE ADULTS THINK THE SAME THING. THEY’RE JUST NOT IDIOTIC ENOUGH TO VOICE IT [ well, most of them aren’t ]. BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, HE REALLY DOES LOOK LIKE A VAMPIRE. HE SUSPECTS IT’S HIS UNNATURALLY PALE SKIN. OR MAYBE HIS EYES ARE TO BLAME. ITS WORSE AT NIGHT WHEN SOME BRILLIANT ASS THINKS IT’S FUNNY TO SHINE A LIGHT IN HIS FACE. HIS GOLDEN EYES APPARENTLY GLOW BRIGHTLY AND COUPLE THAT WITH HIS PALE WHITE SKIN, HE LOOKS LIKE SOME SORT OF SUPERNATURAL BEING. AN ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS SUPERNATURAL BEING [ because let’s face it, he’s ridiculously beautiful - and his vampire-like appearance has at least half to do with it ] BUT A SUPERNATURAL BEING NONETHELESS. SO NO HE CAN’T SPARKLE [ stupid tourists asking him stupid questions ]. GOD, WHAT RIDICULOUS ASSHOLE EVEN CAME UP WITH THE IDEA THAT BLOOD-SUCKINGCREATURES SPARKLE? [ of course he knew who’s fault it all was, but he feels like being acidic about it all, so there. ] DENYING OTHERWISE WOULD BE JUST PLAIN SILLY. THE TRUTH IS, HE’S A GORGEOUS MAN WITH LOOKS THAT COULD KILL, AND HE KNOWS IT. IT IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE ONLY BENEFICIAL THING ABOUT HIS APPEARANCE. AND SURE, IT TAKES A CRAP TON OF TIME AND WORK AND MONEY TO KEEP UP HIS FANTASTIC LOOKS, BUT IT’S WELL WORTH IT. PRYING SECRETS OUT OF OTHERS IS RIDICULOUSLY EASY AND HE HAS HIS APPEARANCE TO THANK PLENTIFULLY FOR THAT. THERE’S REALLY ONLY ONE DOWNSIDE AND IT’S SUCH AN INSIGNIFICANT DOWNSIDE IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTE- OF COURSE IT MATTERS! GETTING HIT ON EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN DAY IS NOTHING MINOR! TOURISTS. TOURISTS HIT ON HIM. SHALLOW WOMEN HIT ON HIM. EVEN SLEAZY MEN HIT ON HIM. AND HE IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT GAY ( a/n: go keep telling yourself that, my lovely lyov ). IT’S LIKE HE CAN’T GO TWO METERS FROM HIS HOUSE WITHOUT BEING FLOCKED BY ENTRANCED ONLOOKERS.  [ even if maybe a little tiny piece of enjoys the attention- like hell he did! ] HIS LOOKS MIGHT AS WELL BE AN ABILITY OF ITS OWN [ although he wouldn’t mind if it were his only ability ]… OKAY, SO HE MIGHT BE EXAGGERATING A TAD BIT - BUT STILL, HE MIGHT BE A GOD AMONG MEN, BUT WHY COULDN’T ANYONE EVER TAKE A HINT AND LEAVE HIM ALONE. HUMANS ARE SO STUPID.

PERSONALITY. EVER HEARD OF ‘BISHIE SPARKLES’? WELL, HECERTAINLY KNEW NOTHING OF IT UNTIL HE FOUND HIMSELF IN THE ANIME-LOVING COUNTRY THAT IS AMERICA. HE SUSPECTS IF HE WAS IN AN ANIME, HE WOULD BE ADORNED BY THESE ‘BISHIE SPARKLES’.AND NOT JUST BECAUSE OF HIS LOOKS. HE CONSIDERED HIMSELF A GENTLEMAN OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. [ oh how ironic it was. a gentleman’s whose job is to threaten/torture idiots who managed to somehow stumble in between the mafia and its goals. it truly is quite the twist to the story. except it’s not part of a fairytale where things are all black and white. he’s a captive of reality and reality sucks. ] HE’S A CHARMING MAN WITH A KIND SMILE. HE’S THE SORT OF PERSON  NO ONE EXPECTS THE MAFIA WOULD EMPLOY. IT’S BOTH TRUE AND UNTRUE. HE’S NOT THE LOST, FOREIGN CHILD HE WAS FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. BECAUSE BACK THEN HE WAS DESPERATE TO LIVE [ and angry too ]. HE VIEWED THE BOSS AS HIS SAVIOR. BACK THEN HE WAS NOT AFRAID OF HIS ABILITY. NOW, HE’S CALMER AND HATES USING HIS ABILITY. THE ONLY THING PROPELLING HIM FORWARD - KEEPING HIM FROM COMPLETELY DESERTING THE MAFIA - IS HIS FEAR OF DYING. BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MANY YEARS PASS BY, HE STILL RETAINS HIS STRONG DESIRE TO LIVE EVEN IF HE HATES HOW GODDAMN SELFISH IT IS.

too tired/lazy to continue writing + elaborating so here ya go – > charismatic/charming with all the lovely sparkling of your typical shoujo love interest > efficient/hardworking soul who undertakes responsibilities without complaint (mostly b/c he’s utterly terrified of the mafia) > kind outside of his job > ruthless is a quality which serves him well in the mafia > distant/secretive though he presents himself as a kind-hearted individual, he is distant all the same > selfish he lives life without any loyalties to force him down

ABILITY. FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW | RUSSIA’S REVOLUTION [ by leon aron ] WHILE HE MAY NOT BE A VAMPIRE, THE UNIVERSE SEEMS TO BE CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM TO MAKE HIM SEEM LIKE HE’S A VAMPIRE. TAKE FOR EXAMPLE HIS GOD AWFUL ABILITY, FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW. LONG ASS NAME. YEAH, HE KNOWS. IT’S NOT LIKE HE CHOSE THAT NAME [ because if it were up to him it wouldn’t be so long and stupid ] BUT HE HASN’T EXACTLY CHANGED YET. HIS REASON? WELL- ( a/n: carry on mr. bowditch, your answers are at the end ) IT DOESN’T MATTER WHETHER HE WANTS TO CALL IT SOMETHING OTHER THAN FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW, EVERYONE ELSE CALLS IT FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW. AND DESPITE ITS UTTER RIDICULOUSNESS, IT SEEMS TO HAVE STUCK IN THE MINDS OF EVERYONE ELSE. WHO IS HE TO DENY EVERYONE ELSE OF THE PLEASURE OF RATTLING OFF  A FRUSTRATINGLY LONG NAME? THE RIDICULOUS NAME OF HIS ABILITY MIGHT BE LAUGHABLE TO HIM, BUT NOTHING ELSE ABOUT IT COULD EVEN BE CALLED REMOTELY FUNNY. NOT WHEN HIS ABILITY MIGHT AS WELL BE A TORTURE DEVICE. IT’S NOTHING TO LAUGH AT. IT’S DOWNRIGHT SCARY. AND THAT’S A MEMBER OF A RUTHLESS ORGANIZATION SAYING THAT. AND IT IS LYOV ARON OF ALL PEOPLE SAYING IT. SCARY ISN’T SOMETHING HE ADMITS TO EVERY DAY. HELL, HIS ABILITY IS PROBABLY THE ONLY THING HE CONSIDERS SCARY [ that and the mafia itself ]. AND REALLY, WHO WOULDN’T BE AT LEAST A LITTLE SCARED OF AN ABILITY THAT COULD SNATCH AWAY THE PRECIOUS LIFE SOURCE AND CONVERT A BODY INTO A LITERAL BURNING INFERNO? THERE IS A REASON HE SPECIALIZES IN TORTURING STUBBORN CAPTIVES. AFTER ALL, THERE’S ONLY SO MANY PEOPLE WHO CAN HOLD UP AFTER EXPERIENCING THE SORT OF HELLISH PAIN HIS ABILITY DELIVERS. IT’S SUCH AN IRONIC NAME, REALLY. THAT ABILITY OF HIS REDEEMS NO ONE. RATHER, IT PUTS OTHERS [ and him ] THROUGH HELL AND BACK. BACK FOR OTHER PEOPLE. FOR HIM? IT SUFFOCATES HIM IN HELL AND REFUSES TO LET HIM UP FOR EVEN A SHORT GASP OF AIR. HE HATES IT. BUT IT IS UNDOUBTEDLY A USEFUL TOOL FOR THE MAFIA. IT’S THE REASON THEY INDUCTED HIM INTO THE MAFIA AFTER ALL. ONE TOUCH IS ENOUGH TO SEND SOMEONE HISSING IN PAIN. AND APPARENTLY, CLOTHES AND GLOVES AREN’T ENOUGH TO STOP HIS ABILITY. ALTHOUGH IT DOES INTERFERE SLIGHTLY. DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT HE HATES TOUCHING BLOOD, OR BLEEDING FOR THAT MATTER. NOT WHEN IT BURNS HIM EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME HE TOUCHES IT [ his ability lets him convert blood into heat because of that one law which states matter can neither be destroyed nor created - gotta turn that blood into something ]. HE HATES TOUCHING ANY PART OF HIMSELF FOR THAT MATTER. THE PAIN IS JUST NOT WORTH IT [ because unfortunately, his ability will target anyone, including himself ]. A SIMPLE TOUCH WON’T KILL A PERSON - OTHERWISE HE WOULD ALREADY BE DEAD. IT ONLY AFFECTS A TIGHT RADIUS OF A FEW INCHES AROUND EACH INDIVIDUAL FINGER. IT’S LIKE GETTING A PAPER CUT - ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THE PAIN LEVEL. WHEREAS A PAPER CUT HURTS FOR A MILLISECOND AND CAN BE EASILY CURED BY LICKING THE CUT, A LIGHT TOUCH FROM HIM IS LIKE A MINOR BURN [ ie, spilling seconds after heating ramen noodles all over, thereby creating a minor burn and a strong desire for an ice pack ]. THE BLOOD LOSS IS NO DIFFERENT, HOWEVER. THAT DOESN’T MAKE HIS ABILITY ANY LESS BEARABLE WHEN HE ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHES HIS SKIN OR CLOSES HIS FINGERS TOGETHER. IT’S PAINFUL BUT IT’S NOT THE REASON HE FINDS HIS ABILITY SUCH A SCARY THING. THEN WHAT IS? THAT’S THE QUESTION IDIOTIC AND NOSY MEMBERS OF THE MAFIA SOMETIMES PRESS FOR ANSWERS. WHY IS HE SO SCARED OF HIS ABILITY WHEN, COME TO THINK OF IT, HE MARKED HIS FIRST ARRIVAL WITH A BRAWL THAT RESULTED IN ONE SORRY MESS OF A MAFIA MEMBER DELIVERED TO THEIR DOORSTEP. AS MADE QUITE CLEAR BY HIS ENTRANCE TO THE PORT CITY,  DIRTY TEEN LYOV HAD ABSOLUTELY ZERO INHIBITORS USING HIS ABILITY. SO WHAT IN WORLD PUNCHED HIM IN THE GUT, STABBED HIS EYE OUT, KICKED HIM IN THE HEAD FOR GOOD MEASURES, AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THE [ scary ] PERSON HE ONCE WAS? OF COURSE, THEY DON’T PUT IT IN EXACTLY THOSE WORDS BUT THE MEANING IS STILL BEHIND THE WORDS. AND IT IS EASY ENOUGH TO SMILE CHEERFUL AND QUICKLY REDIRECT THE TOPIC TO SOMETHING OTHER THAN THAT [ because he’d be damned before he ever revealed the reasons behind his fear - it wasn’t an answer prying minds deserved to know ]. …HE REALLY DOES SOUND LIKE A VAMPIRE, HUH? HE BASICALLY CAN SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF OTHERS. SOUNDS PRETTY VAMPIRE-Y, SURE. BUT HE’S NOT THE LITERAL VAMPIRE AMONG THE MAFIA! THAT BLESSED ROLE AND TITLE GOES TO ANOTHER PERSON THAT ISN’T HIM. HE’S NOT SOME SORT OF WEAKLING WHO DROPS THE BALL EVERY TIME PEOPLE START GIVING HIM FROGS TO COUNT OUT. [ he won’t admit to his weakness, however, because he might as well sign his death on the dotted line if he does that. after all, the mafia is not tolerable of any sort of weakness existing within. ] notes on his ability – > touching skin/clothes even with gloves on do not completely stop his ability. however, they do hinder the rate which he can kill someone. direct contact with blood allows him to dissolve a body’s worth of blood in about 2~5 minutes, obviously depending since not all people have the same blood pressure. skin hinders him by about 2~3 minutes. > he can control how quickly or slowly he dissolves blood into heat to a certain extent. the numbers above are his limits under the circumstances that he has a tight grip on the target and using both hands. > contact with his fingers + palm. no other body part works. > he is exceptionally nimble and fast. not so far as being supernatural, but his athletic abilities do seem to push the limits of human capacities.

BACKGROUND.

( “HM? WHO PUT YOU IN CHARGE OF DECIDING THOSE THINGS!? WHY FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW ANYWAY? IT’S SUCH A MOUTHFUL.” )  

IT IS 1999. THE SOVIET UNION HAS BEEN DEAD FOR ALMOST A DECADE. BUT DON’T BE FOOLED TO THINK THAT ACTUALLY HELPED ANYTHING. LIFE IS STILL CRAP. SURE, HE WAS FAR TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER THE SOVIET UNION [ he was only a year old when it collapsed after all ] BUT EVEN WITH THE FALL OF THE SOVIET UNION, ONE THING STAYED TRUE: POVERTY. AS IT WERE, RUSSIA IS SADDLED WITH AN ECONOMY SINKING SINKING DOWNWARD. AND UNLIKE ALL THE BIGSHOTS IN THEIR COZY OFFICES, LYOV GETS THE SINCERE OPPORTUNITY TO FEEL THE FULL BRUNT OF THE AFTERMATH OF THE SOVIET UNION. ESPECIALLY AS AN ORPHAN WITH THE STREETS AS HIS HOME. HIS LIFE ISN’T EASY - HE SURVIVES ON SCRAPS AND WHAT LITTLE FOOD SYMPATHETIC PASSERBYERS OFFER HIM. IT’S NOT MUCH BUT HE’S ALIVE AND KICKING - SOMETHING HE DOUBTS HIS PARENTS WOULD HAVE EVER EXPECTED WHEN THEY ABANDONED HIM ON THE STREETS OF GRIMY OL’  MOSCOW.

( “IT’S TO COMPENSATE FOR YOUR SHORT NAME. I CAN’T EVEN FORM A CUTE NICKNAME BECAUSE IT’S SO SHORT!” )

HE HAS NO FUTURE IN RUSSIA. IT IS LEAVE OR DIE AND HE KNOWS IT ALL TOO WELL. MOSCOW IS FULL OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY, AND WHILE HIS ABILITY IS QUITE EFFECTIVE ON THIEVES, IT CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH AGAINST A GUN. AND HE’S NIMBLE ALRIGHT BUT DODGING THE BULLETS OF A GUN DO GET A BIT TIRESOME AFTER A WHILE. SO WITH ONLY BROKEN SENTENCES OF ENGLISH ON HIS TONGUE, HE WEARS THE SOLES OF HIS SHOES WALKING, HITCHHIKING, AND DOING WHATEVER NECESSARY TO REACH WESTERN EUROPE IN THE QUICKEST AMOUNT OF TIME. HE LOOKS ALMOST TWELVE WHEN HE FINALLY MAKES IT TO ENGLAND. FROM THERE HE SNEAKS INTO A CARGO SHIP DESTINED FOR THE UNITED STATES. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS HAPPEN ALL THE TIME. HE BARELY SLIPS BY UNDETECTED. HE’S A MINIMAL EATER, SO THE CREW DON’T NOTICE THE SLIGHT DECREASE OF FOOD UNTIL MUCH LATER. HE’S HONESTLY SURPRISED THEY EVER NOTICED AT ALL. HE’S SOMEWHERE AROUND TWELVE WHEN HE FINALLY REACHES THE PORT MAFIA.

( “THE NAME STILL DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, DON’T YOU THINK IT’S A BIT IRONIC EVEN?” )

HE’S ALMOST DEAD FROM STARVATION WHEN HIS LIFE CHANGES DRASTICALLY. HE’S SUFFERING ALL OVER WHEN HE STUMBLES UPON THE SCENE OF A CRIME. NOW HE’S NO STRANGER TO CRIMINAL ACTIVITY. MOSCOW WAS A HUB OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY AFTER ALL. IF HE WERE ANYONE ELSE HE SURELY WOULD HAVE RUN. ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD HAVE STAYED. AS IT WERE, HE WAS AN IDIOT. HE STOOD BARELY MOVING, ONCE LIVELY GOLDEN EYES STARING AT THE SCENE WITH A BLANK LOOK. IT DOESN’T TAKE LONG FOR THE KILLER TO NOTICE HIM. A GUN IS RAISED AT THE CHILD. BANG. IT ENTIRELY MISSES AND THE CHILD IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN. THE KILLER CAUTIOUSLY MOVES FORWARD. INCHING SLOWLY, GUN OUTSTRETCHED. HE REALLY SHOULD HAVE RUN, ESPECIALLY THE MOMENT, HE SPOTTED THE WHITE BLUR. OH WELL. EASY TARGET FOR HIM.

( “NO, I THINK IT SUITS IT PERFECTLY.” )

THE WHITE-HAIRED BOY HOLDS A GUN IN HIS LEFT HAND A SMILE FLICKERING ON AND OFF HIS FACE. THOUGH NON-THREATENING IN BUILD, HIS EYES GLEAM THREATENINGLY. HE STRETCHES OUT WITH HIS RIGHT HAND AND LIGHTLY STROKES THE MAN’S FACE. THE ASSASSIN’S EYES BULGE AND HE JERKS BACK HISSING IN PAIN. “WHO ARE YOU?” THE BOY WHISPERS IN A FOREIGN ACCENT. HE STEPS FORWARD THREATENINGLY. “D-DO YOU MEAN WHO DO I WORK FOR? A-AH, THE P-PORT MAFIA.” “TAKE ME TO YOUR BOSS.” IT’S TRULY A WONDER HOW A THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD BOY WITH A PAINFULLY DIRTY LOOK CAN IMPOSE SO MUCH FEAR IN A MAN WORKING FOR THE CITY’S RUTHLESS CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION. AT LEAST HE’S NOT STUPID, LYOV MUSES. HE UNDERSTANDS HIS CIRCUMSTANCES. GOOD. AS THE GUN DISAPPEARS SOMEWHERE UNDER HIS CLOTHES, HE SHAKES HIS RIGHT HAND WITH A MENACING SMILE. “MOVE.” HE NODS. THE MAN WALKS STIFFLY WITH LYOV FOLLOWING BEHIND. THE ODD PAIR GARNER THE ATTENTION OF PASSING BY PEOPLE, BUT LYOV DEFTLY IGNORES THE CURIOUS LOOKS. THEIR FINAL DESTINATION IS A CORPORATE BUILDING. WHY IS HE NOT SURPRISED. “THIS IS IT,” HIS CAPTIVE SAYS, “DON’T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF. TAKE ME TO YOUR BOSS. THE MAN WHO RUNS EVERYTHING. NOW.” HE FLICKS HIS FINGERS AGAINST THE MAFIOSO MEMBER. HE MOVES FORWARD HESITANTLY. “Y-YOU SURE THAT’S A GOOD IDEA? THE BOSS ISN’T-” HE MUMBLES. “FORWARD.” A MOMENT PASSES BEFORE THEY BEGIN MOVING AGAIN. UP, UP, UP, AND UP. THE MAN BESIDE HIM FIDGETS, PERTURBED BY THE PROXIMITY OF THE BOY’S HAND WITH HIS SKIN. TOO BAD FOR HIM. THEY DON’T KNOCK. LYOV DOESN’T LET HIM. HE TAKES IN THE BOSS OF THE MAFIA WITH A QUICK GLANCE OVER. THIS MAN IS RUTHLESS. HE LIKES RUTHLESS PEOPLE. IT IS WRITTEN ON HIS FACE. SO LYOV KICKS HIS CAPTIVE IN THE SHIN AND A MOMENT LATER, THE MAN SCREECHES WITH A PAINED EXPRESSION. LYOV FEELS THE HEAT RISING FROM THE MAN’S BODY AT A RAPID RATE. HE MOVES HIS HANDS TO GRIP AT THE ASSASSIN’S NECK, HE WATCHES PASSIVELY AS ALL THE COLOR DRAINS FROM THE MAN’S BODY. “…RETRIBUTION,” HE SAYS. “FOR WHAT?” “BEING ANNOYING.” “YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY. YOU’VE TAKEN A SERVICE AWAY FROM ME. NOW YOU MUST GIVE ME YOUR SERVICES IN RETURN.” “OF COURSE.”

( “HM? HOW’S THAT?” )

HIS LIFE DRASTICALLY CHANGES AGAIN WHEN HE MEETS A  CURIOUS, GRAY-EYED BOY, THOUGH AT THE TIME HE IS NOT AWARE OF JUST HOW SPECIAL THEIR MEETING IS. ONE DAY, A CHEERFUL BOY COMES UP TO LYOV AND COMPLIMENTS HIS EYE COLOR. “YOU’VE GOT PRETTY EYES,” HE SAYS. AFTER THAT, HE APPROACHES LYOV EVERY DAY, COMPLIMENTING HIM ABOUT SOMETHING. IT WAS STRANGE AND CERTAINLY ANNOYING, BUT IT WAS ALSO HARMLESS SO LYOV DID NOT PAY THE BOY ANY MIND. HE IGNORED THE WEIRD BOY FOR THE MOST PART. UNTIL ONE DAY HE SAID SOMETHING DIFFERENT. “WHY ARE YOU SO LONELY?” A QUESTION, NOT A COMPLIMENT. HE NEVER ANSWERED. NOT THEN, AND NOT EVEN AS THE BOY DIED MANY YEARS LATER. IT’S NOT LIKE HE EVER NEEDED TO SAY ANYTHING. THAT BOY… HE ALWAYS KNEW. IT WAS ALMOST CREEPY HOW PERCEPTIVE THAT BOY WAS. AND FOR A TIME LYOV TRIED TO AVOID HIM. IT DIDN’T LAST LONG. THE SILVER-EYED BOY WAS BACK AT HIS SIDE BEFORE HE KNEW IT. AND HE DIDN’T JUST COMPLIMENT LYOV ANYMORE. HE TALKED. CONVERSED. IT WASN’T LONG BEFORE HE FOUND HIMSELF QUIETLY AGREEING HERE AND THERE.

( “WELL… DIDN’T YOU SAY YOU WERE ABLE TO SURVIVE SO LONG BECAUSE OF IT?” )

THE GRAY-EYED BOY TRULY WAS BOTH A BLESSING AND A CURSE FROM THE HEAVENS. IT WAS THE BOY WHO LURED LYOV OUT OF HIS SHELL. SURELY, HE WOULD HAVE NEVER BECOME SUCH A LIVELY FIGURE HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE BOY. HE DOESN’T THINK HE WOULD HAVE EVER ALLOWED HIMSELF TO LIVE SO MUCH HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE BOY. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, THE BOY CRUELLY GAVE HIM A TASTE OF NORMALCY. NORMALCY HE COULD NEVER TRULY OBTAIN. MANY NIGHTS HE AGONIZED OVER HOW HIS LIFE MIGHT HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT IF HE HAD NOT JOINED THE MAFIA. IF HE HAD STAYED HIS HAND THAT DAY. IF HE HAD RUN. IT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SUCH A SURPRISE THEN, WHEN THE MAFIA ORDERED THE BOY’S EXECUTION. AFTER ALL, IF THERE WAS EVER ANYONE NEARLY AS PERCEPTIVE AS THE BOY, IT WAS THE BOSS.

( “WELL YEAH, BUT… DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT MY ABILITY IS?” )

IT’S NOT EASY TO IGNORE THE SCREAMING. THE SCREAMING SO LOUDLY. IT ALMOST BREAKS HIS CONCENTRATION. HIS HANDS ARE PLANTED TIGHTLY AROUND HIS HANDS AS HE TRIES SO DESPERATELYTO FORGET JUST WHO HE IS USING HIS ABILITY ON. IRONICALLY, THE ONE WHO NAMED HIS ABILITY, FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW. ARGH! HE’S REALLY TRYING TO FORGET BUT HE DOESN’T WANT TO, DAMMIT! BUT HE HAS NO CHOICE. THERE’S NEVER A CHOICE, HE REALIZES. THE MAFIA DOES NOT PROVIDE CHOICES. ONLY ORDERS TO FOLLOW OUT LIKE A ROBOT. AND OF COURSE, IF A MALFUNCTION OCCURS, THERE IS ONLY ONE THING TO DO: ERADICATE IT. AND AS IT WERE, THE BOY SCREAMING IN FRONT OF HIM IS HIS MALFUNCTION. THE BUG TEARING DOWN THE SYSTEM.

( “YOU REFUSE TO TELL ME! OOH, IS THIS WHERE YOU’RE GONNA ADMIT YOUR DEEPEST DARKEST SECRETS? LIKE IN THE MOVIES?” )

HE REFUSES TO LOOK UP. HE DOESN’T THINK HE COULD BEAR THE DISGUST AND PAIN ETCHED ON HIS FACE IF HE LOOKED UP. AND GOD, HE WISHES THE SCREAMING WOULD JUST STOP ALREADY. BUT HE KNOWS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP IT IS HIM, AND HE KNOWS HE WON’T STOP IT. SO HE IS QUIETLY PRAYING - PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE. PRAYING FOR SOMEONE TO SAVE HIM FROM HIS FATE. BECAUSE HE SURE AS HELL CAN’T. HE KNOWS HE’S BEEN AT THIS FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR. IT COULD BE DONE FASTER - JUST UNDER NINE MINUTES IS HIS RECORD AFTER ALL. BUT HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO KILL HIM QUICKLY. HE’S SUPPOSED TO PROLONG IT. TO DRAW IT OUT. AND THEY DON’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IF HE DOESN’T. BUT HE KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN. AND YEAH, HE’S A SELFISH COWARD, BUT HE DOESN’T WANT TO DIE, DAMMIT! HE- HE STILL HAD THINGS HE WANTED TO DO!

( “WHA- HEY! DON’T RUN AWAY- COME BACK, LYOV! YOU GOT TO ANSWER THE QUESTION!” )

HE FORCES HIMSELF TO MOVE ON [ but he never does ]. HE FORCES HIMSELF TO FORGET [ but he never does ]. HE TRIES TO MOVE ON. HE TRIES TO FORGET. EVERY DAY HE TRIES, BUT HE CAN’T. HE’S STUCK IN LIMBO. HE CAN’T FORGET. HE CAN NEVER FORGET.

( HE COULD NEVER FORGET HIS ONLY FRIEND, GRAY OWENS. )

HE’S ONLY NINETEEN.

SAMPLE WRITING. ( prompt: “on a scale from one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me right now?” - “i’m hovering somewhere in the high thirties.” – thefakeredhead, no 331 )

His heart beats loudly against his chest. It bangs and bounces without the same gentle touch it treated him just over an hour ago when he still thought the gray-eyed boy died fourteen years ago. He desperately smiles, fighting the urge to run. He’s an expert at hiding his fear, so his fingers do not curl (which would hurt, by the way) and his shoulders shrug back casually. But the gray-eyed boy glares at him unimpressed and he immediately knows Gr-Owens can see right through his carefully practiced mask. It is unfair, really. The gray-eyed boy has always possessed the uncanny ability to read his mind like an open book. It was never the other way, and more so today as he stares at the gray-eyed boy (well, perhaps not a boy anymore, but he still clings on to those sweet memories). The only emotion he can discern is understandable disgust. Disgust he completely deserves for abandoning his only friend. He does not quite know how to respond to the gray-eyed boy. Not when his only expression is cold disgust mixed with a load of anger. But he does know Owens awaits his answer vindictively if his crosses arms are anything to go by. That leaves him with only one option left: to bullshit his way through. So he adorns the most annoying smirk he can muster and says smoothly, “But you won’t anyway.” He’d be shocked if Owens refuted him. The gray-eyed boy had every right to kill him. Nothing held him back. Especially not after the pain he put him through. Besides, a coward like him did not deserve to live. Yet as he admitted it to himself, a large piece of him refused to die. He would fight and scratch and claw even the gray-eyed boy if need be. He’s already killed (or at least he thought he killed) him once - what’s a second time to him? ‘Everything,’ a sad and quiet voice that definitely was not his whispers. Everything, yes. But he’s willing to sacrifice everything if it means surviving.

( a/n: he’s hallucination owens - owens is most definitely dead and this is just him guilt-tripping himself and coming to the conclusion that he’s an immoral man who will do pretty much anything to survive )

(OC. SHOGO MAKISHIMA, psycho path)

[ocbungou]

Thank you, Sunflower, for submitting your application! Mod Dazai has gone over it and accepted it for approval into the ring. Please have your blog ready by March 6th. There is no deadline for your revised application. 

COUNTRY. MOSCOW, RUSSIA

NAME. LYOV ARON [ no need for formalities - just call him lyov ] PRONOUNS. HE/HIM AGE. TWENTY-SEVEN

ALIGNMENT. THE MAFIA

APPEARANCE. HE MIGHT AS WELL BE A VAMPIRE. HE’S NOT BUT THE POINTING AND THE LOUD ‘VAMPIRE’ FROM RUDE LITTLE BRATS PASSING BY DOES GET ON HIS NERVES. AND WORSE, HE KNOWS THE ADULTS THINK THE SAME THING. THEY’RE JUST NOT IDIOTIC ENOUGH TO VOICE IT [ well, most of them aren’t ]. BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, HE REALLY DOES LOOK LIKE A VAMPIRE. HE SUSPECTS IT’S HIS UNNATURALLY PALE SKIN. OR MAYBE HIS EYES ARE TO BLAME. ITS WORSE AT NIGHT WHEN SOME BRILLIANT ASS THINKS IT’S FUNNY TO SHINE A LIGHT IN HIS FACE. HIS GOLDEN EYES APPARENTLY GLOW BRIGHTLY AND COUPLE THAT WITH HIS PALE WHITE SKIN, HE LOOKS LIKE SOME SORT OF SUPERNATURAL BEING. AN ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS SUPERNATURAL BEING [ because let’s face it, he’s ridiculously beautiful - and his vampire-like appearance has at least half to do with it ] BUT A SUPERNATURAL BEING NONETHELESS. SO NO HE CAN’T SPARKLE [ stupid tourists asking him stupid questions ]. GOD, WHAT RIDICULOUS ASSHOLE EVEN CAME UP WITH THE IDEA THAT BLOOD-SUCKING CREATURES SPARKLE? [ of course he knew who’s fault it all was, but he feels like being acidic about it all, so there. ] DENYING OTHERWISE WOULD BE JUST PLAIN SILLY. THE TRUTH IS, HE’S A GORGEOUS MAN WITH LOOKS THAT COULD KILL, AND HE KNOWS IT. IT IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE ONLY BENEFICIAL THING ABOUT HIS APPEARANCE. AND SURE, IT TAKES A CRAP TON OF TIME AND WORK AND MONEY TO KEEP UP HIS FANTASTIC LOOKS, BUT IT’S WELL WORTH IT. PRYING SECRETS OUT OF OTHERS IS RIDICULOUSLY EASY AND HE HAS HIS APPEARANCE TO THANK PLENTIFULLY FOR THAT. THERE’S REALLY ONLY ONE DOWNSIDE AND IT’S SUCH AN INSIGNIFICANT DOWNSIDE IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTE- OF COURSE IT MATTERS! GETTING HIT ON EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN DAY IS NOTHING MINOR! TOURISTS. TOURISTS HIT ON HIM. SHALLOW WOMEN HIT ON HIM. EVEN SLEAZY MEN HIT ON HIM. AND HE IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT GAY ( a/n: go keep telling yourself that, my lovely lyov ). IT’S LIKE HE CAN’T GO TWO METERS FROM HIS HOUSE WITHOUT BEING FLOCKED BY ENTRANCED ONLOOKERS.  [ even if maybe a little tiny piece of enjoys the attention- like hell he did! ] HIS LOOKS MIGHT AS WELL BE AN ABILITY OF ITS OWN [ although he wouldn’t mind if it were his only ability ]… OKAY, SO HE MIGHT BE EXAGGERATING A TAD BIT - BUT STILL, HE MIGHT BE A GOD AMONG MEN, BUT WHY COULDN’T ANYONE EVER TAKE A HINT AND LEAVE HIM ALONE. HUMANS ARE SO STUPID.

PERSONALITY. EVER HEARD OF ‘BISHIE SPARKLES’? WELL, HE CERTAINLY KNEW NOTHING OF IT UNTIL HE FOUND HIMSELF IN THE ANIME-LOVING COUNTRY THAT IS AMERICA. HE SUSPECTS IF HE WAS IN AN ANIME, HE WOULD BE ADORNED BY THESE ‘BISHIE SPARKLES’.AND NOT JUST BECAUSE OF HIS LOOKS. HE CONSIDERED HIMSELF A GENTLEMAN OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. [ oh how ironic it was. a gentleman’s whose job is to threaten/torture idiots who managed to somehow stumble in between the mafia and its goals. it truly is quite the twist to the story. except it’s not part of a fairytale where things are all black and white. he’s a captive of reality and reality sucks. ] HE’S A CHARMING MAN WITH A KIND SMILE. HE’S THE SORT OF PERSON  NO ONE EXPECTS THE MAFIA WOULD EMPLOY. IT’S BOTH TRUE AND UNTRUE. HE’S NOT THE LOST, FOREIGN CHILD HE WAS FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. BECAUSE BACK THEN HE WAS DESPERATE TO LIVE [ and angry too ]. HE VIEWED THE BOSS AS HIS SAVIOR. BACK THEN HE WAS NOT AFRAID OF HIS ABILITY. NOW, HE’S CALMER AND HATES USING HIS ABILITY. THE ONLY THING PROPELLING HIM FORWARD - KEEPING HIM FROM COMPLETELY DESERTING THE MAFIA - IS HIS FEAR OF DYING. BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MANY YEARS PASS BY, HE STILL RETAINS HIS STRONG DESIRE TO LIVE EVEN IF HE HATES HOW GODDAMN SELFISH IT IS.

too tired/lazy to continue writing + elaborating so here ya go – > charismatic/charming with all the lovely sparkling of your typical shoujo love interest > efficient/hardworking soul who undertakes responsibilities without complaint (mostly b/c he’s utterly terrified of the mafia) > kind outside of his job > ruthless is a quality which serves him well in the mafia > distant/secretive though he presents himself as a kind-hearted individual, he is distant all the same > selfish he lives life without any loyalties to force him down

ABILITY. FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW | RUSSIA’S REVOLUTION [ by leon aron ] WHILE HE MAY NOT BE A VAMPIRE, THE UNIVERSE SEEMS TO BE CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM TO MAKE HIM SEEM LIKE HE’S A VAMPIRE. TAKE FOR EXAMPLE HIS GOD AWFUL ABILITY, FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW. LONG ASS NAME. YEAH, HE KNOWS. IT’S NOT LIKE HE CHOSE THAT NAME [ because if it were up to him it wouldn’t be so long and stupid ] BUT HE HASN’T EXACTLY CHANGED YET. HIS REASON? WELL- ( a/n: carry on mr. bowditch, your answers are at the end ) IT DOESN’T MATTER WHETHER HE WANTS TO CALL IT SOMETHING OTHER THAN FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW, EVERYONE ELSE CALLS IT FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW. AND DESPITE ITS UTTER RIDICULOUSNESS, IT SEEMS TO HAVE STUCK IN THE MINDS OF EVERYONE ELSE. WHO IS HE TO DENY EVERYONE ELSE OF THE PLEASURE OF RATTLING OFF  A FRUSTRATINGLY LONG NAME? THE RIDICULOUS NAME OF HIS ABILITY MIGHT BE LAUGHABLE TO HIM, BUT NOTHING ELSE ABOUT IT COULD EVEN BE CALLED REMOTELY FUNNY. NOT WHEN HIS ABILITY MIGHT AS WELL BE A TORTURE DEVICE. IT’S NOTHING TO LAUGH AT. IT’S DOWNRIGHT SCARY. AND THAT’S A MEMBER OF A RUTHLESS ORGANIZATION SAYING THAT. AND IT IS LYOV ARON OF ALL PEOPLE SAYING IT. SCARY ISN’T SOMETHING HE ADMITS TO EVERY DAY. HELL, HIS ABILITY IS PROBABLY THE ONLY THING HE CONSIDERS SCARY [ that and the mafia itself ]. AND REALLY, WHO WOULDN’T BE AT LEAST A LITTLE SCARED OF AN ABILITY THAT COULD SNATCH AWAY THE PRECIOUS LIFE SOURCE AND CONVERT A BODY INTO A LITERAL BURNING INFERNO? THERE IS A REASON HE SPECIALIZES IN TORTURING STUBBORN CAPTIVES. AFTER ALL, THERE’S ONLY SO MANY PEOPLE WHO CAN HOLD UP AFTER EXPERIENCING THE SORT OF HELLISH PAIN HIS ABILITY DELIVERS. IT’S SUCH AN IRONIC NAME, REALLY. THAT ABILITY OF HIS REDEEMS NO ONE. RATHER, IT PUTS OTHERS [ and him ] THROUGH HELL AND BACK. BACK FOR OTHER PEOPLE. FOR HIM? IT SUFFOCATES HIM IN HELL AND REFUSES TO LET HIM UP FOR EVEN A SHORT GASP OF AIR. HE HATES IT. BUT IT IS UNDOUBTEDLY A USEFUL TOOL FOR THE MAFIA. IT’S THE REASON THEY INDUCTED HIM INTO THE MAFIA AFTER ALL. ONE TOUCH IS ENOUGH TO SEND SOMEONE HISSING IN PAIN. AND APPARENTLY, CLOTHES AND GLOVES AREN’T ENOUGH TO STOP HIS ABILITY. ALTHOUGH IT DOES INTERFERE SLIGHTLY. DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT HE HATES TOUCHING BLOOD, OR BLEEDING FOR THAT MATTER. NOT WHEN IT BURNS HIM EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME HE TOUCHES IT [ his ability lets him convert blood into heat because of that one law which states matter can neither be destroyed nor created - gotta turn that blood into something ]. HE HATES TOUCHING ANY PART OF HIMSELF FOR THAT MATTER. THE PAIN IS JUST NOT WORTH IT [ because unfortunately, his ability will target anyone, including himself ]. A SIMPLE TOUCH WON’T KILL A PERSON - OTHERWISE HE WOULD ALREADY BE DEAD. IT ONLY AFFECTS A TIGHT RADIUS OF A FEW INCHES AROUND EACH INDIVIDUAL FINGER. IT’S LIKE GETTING A PAPER CUT - ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THE PAIN LEVEL. WHEREAS A PAPER CUT HURTS FOR A MILLISECOND AND CAN BE EASILY CURED BY LICKING THE CUT, A LIGHT TOUCH FROM HIM IS LIKE A MINOR BURN [ ie, spilling seconds after heating ramen noodles all over, thereby creating a minor burn and a strong desire for an ice pack ]. THE BLOOD LOSS IS NO DIFFERENT, HOWEVER. THAT DOESN’T MAKE HIS ABILITY ANY LESS BEARABLE WHEN HE ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHES HIS SKIN OR CLOSES HIS FINGERS TOGETHER. IT’S PAINFUL BUT IT’S NOT THE REASON HE FINDS HIS ABILITY SUCH A SCARY THING. THEN WHAT IS? THAT’S THE QUESTION IDIOTIC AND NOSY MEMBERS OF THE MAFIA SOMETIMES PRESS FOR ANSWERS. WHY IS HE SO SCARED OF HIS ABILITY WHEN, COME TO THINK OF IT, HE MARKED HIS FIRST ARRIVAL WITH A BRAWL THAT RESULTED IN ONE SORRY MESS OF A MAFIA MEMBER DELIVERED TO THEIR DOORSTEP. AS MADE QUITE CLEAR BY HIS ENTRANCE TO THE PORT CITY,  DIRTY TEEN LYOV HAD ABSOLUTELY ZERO INHIBITORS USING HIS ABILITY. SO WHAT IN WORLD PUNCHED HIM IN THE GUT, STABBED HIS EYE OUT, KICKED HIM IN THE HEAD FOR GOOD MEASURES, AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THE [ scary ] PERSON HE ONCE WAS? OF COURSE, THEY DON’T PUT IT IN EXACTLY THOSE WORDS BUT THE MEANING IS STILL BEHIND THE WORDS. AND IT IS EASY ENOUGH TO SMILE CHEERFUL AND QUICKLY REDIRECT THE TOPIC TO SOMETHING OTHER THAN THAT [ because he’d be damned before he ever revealed the reasons behind his fear - it wasn’t an answer prying minds deserved to know ]. …HE REALLY DOES SOUND LIKE A VAMPIRE, HUH? HE BASICALLY CAN SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF OTHERS. SOUNDS PRETTY VAMPIRE-Y, SURE. BUT HE’S NOT THE LITERAL VAMPIRE AMONG THE MAFIA! THAT BLESSED ROLE AND TITLE GOES TO ANOTHER PERSON THAT ISN’T HIM. HE’S NOT SOME SORT OF WEAKLING WHO DROPS THE BALL EVERY TIME PEOPLE START GIVING HIM FROGS TO COUNT OUT. [ he won’t admit to his weakness, however, because he might as well sign his death on the dotted line if he does that. after all, the mafia is not tolerable of any sort of weakness existing within. ] notes on his ability – > touching skin/clothes even with gloves on do not completely stop his ability. however, they do hinder the rate which he can kill someone. direct contact with blood allows him to dissolve a body’s worth of blood in about 2~5 minutes, obviously depending since not all people have the same blood pressure. skin hinders him by about 2~3 minutes. > he can control how quickly or slowly he dissolves blood into heat to a certain extent. the numbers above are his limits under the circumstances that he has a tight grip on the target and using both hands. > contact with his fingers + palm. no other body part works. > he is exceptionally nimble and fast. not so far as being supernatural, but his athletic abilities do seem to push the limits of human capacities.

BACKGROUND.

( “HM? WHO PUT YOU IN CHARGE OF DECIDING THOSE THINGS!? WHY FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW ANYWAY? IT’S SUCH A MOUTHFUL.” )  

IT IS 1999. THE SOVIET UNION HAS BEEN DEAD FOR ALMOST A DECADE. BUT DON’T BE FOOLED TO THINK THAT ACTUALLY HELPED ANYTHING. LIFE IS STILL CRAP. SURE, HE WAS FAR TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER THE SOVIET UNION [ he was only a year old when it collapsed after all ] BUT EVEN WITH THE FALL OF THE SOVIET UNION, ONE THING STAYED TRUE: POVERTY. AS IT WERE, RUSSIA IS SADDLED WITH AN ECONOMY SINKING SINKING DOWNWARD. AND UNLIKE ALL THE BIGSHOTS IN THEIR COZY OFFICES, LYOV GETS THE SINCERE OPPORTUNITY TO FEEL THE FULL BRUNT OF THE AFTERMATH OF THE SOVIET UNION. ESPECIALLY AS AN ORPHAN WITH THE STREETS AS HIS HOME. HIS LIFE ISN’T EASY - HE SURVIVES ON SCRAPS AND WHAT LITTLE FOOD SYMPATHETIC PASSERBYERS OFFER HIM. IT’S NOT MUCH BUT HE’S ALIVE AND KICKING - SOMETHING HE DOUBTS HIS PARENTS WOULD HAVE EVER EXPECTED WHEN THEY ABANDONED HIM ON THE STREETS OF GRIMY OL’  MOSCOW.

( “IT’S TO COMPENSATE FOR YOUR SHORT NAME. I CAN’T EVEN FORM A CUTE NICKNAME BECAUSE IT’S SO SHORT!” )

HE HAS NO FUTURE IN RUSSIA. IT IS LEAVE OR DIE AND HE KNOWS IT ALL TOO WELL. MOSCOW IS FULL OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY, AND WHILE HIS ABILITY IS QUITE EFFECTIVE ON THIEVES, IT CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH AGAINST A GUN. AND HE’S NIMBLE ALRIGHT BUT DODGING THE BULLETS OF A GUN DO GET A BIT TIRESOME AFTER A WHILE. SO WITH ONLY BROKEN SENTENCES OF ENGLISH ON HIS TONGUE, HE WEARS THE SOLES OF HIS SHOES WALKING, HITCHHIKING, AND DOING WHATEVER NECESSARY TO REACH WESTERN EUROPE IN THE QUICKEST AMOUNT OF TIME. HE LOOKS ALMOST TWELVE WHEN HE FINALLY MAKES IT TO ENGLAND. FROM THERE HE SNEAKS INTO A CARGO SHIP DESTINED FOR THE UNITED STATES. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS HAPPEN ALL THE TIME. HE BARELY SLIPS BY UNDETECTED. HE’S A MINIMAL EATER, SO THE CREW DON’T NOTICE THE SLIGHT DECREASE OF FOOD UNTIL MUCH LATER. HE’S HONESTLY SURPRISED THEY EVER NOTICED AT ALL. HE’S SOMEWHERE AROUND TWELVE WHEN HE FINALLY REACHES THE PORT MAFIA.

( “THE NAME STILL DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, DON’T YOU THINK IT’S A BIT IRONIC EVEN?” )

HE’S ALMOST DEAD FROM STARVATION WHEN HIS LIFE CHANGES DRASTICALLY. HE’S SUFFERING ALL OVER WHEN HE STUMBLES UPON THE SCENE OF A CRIME. NOW HE’S NO STRANGER TO CRIMINAL ACTIVITY. MOSCOW WAS A HUB OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY AFTER ALL. IF HE WERE ANYONE ELSE HE SURELY WOULD HAVE RUN. ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD HAVE STAYED. AS IT WERE, HE WAS AN IDIOT. HE STOOD BARELY MOVING, ONCE LIVELY GOLDEN EYES STARING AT THE SCENE WITH A BLANK LOOK. IT DOESN’T TAKE LONG FOR THE KILLER TO NOTICE HIM. A GUN IS RAISED AT THE CHILD. BANG. IT ENTIRELY MISSES AND THE CHILD IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN. THE KILLER CAUTIOUSLY MOVES FORWARD. INCHING SLOWLY, GUN OUTSTRETCHED. HE REALLY SHOULD HAVE RUN, ESPECIALLY THE MOMENT, HE SPOTTED THE WHITE BLUR. OH WELL. EASY TARGET FOR HIM.

( “NO, I THINK IT SUITS IT PERFECTLY.” )

THE WHITE-HAIRED BOY HOLDS A GUN IN HIS LEFT HAND A SMILE FLICKERING ON AND OFF HIS FACE. THOUGH NON-THREATENING IN BUILD, HIS EYES GLEAM THREATENINGLY. HE STRETCHES OUT WITH HIS RIGHT HAND AND LIGHTLY STROKES THE MAN’S FACE. THE ASSASSIN’S EYES BULGE AND HE JERKS BACK HISSING IN PAIN. “WHO ARE YOU?” THE BOY WHISPERS IN A FOREIGN ACCENT. HE STEPS FORWARD THREATENINGLY. “D-DO YOU MEAN WHO DO I WORK FOR? A-AH, THE P-PORT MAFIA.” “TAKE ME TO YOUR BOSS.” IT’S TRULY A WONDER HOW A THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD BOY WITH A PAINFULLY DIRTY LOOK CAN IMPOSE SO MUCH FEAR IN A MAN WORKING FOR THE CITY’S RUTHLESS CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION. AT LEAST HE’S NOT STUPID, LYOV MUSES. HE UNDERSTANDS HIS CIRCUMSTANCES. GOOD. AS THE GUN DISAPPEARS SOMEWHERE UNDER HIS CLOTHES, HE SHAKES HIS RIGHT HAND WITH A MENACING SMILE. “MOVE.” HE NODS. THE MAN WALKS STIFFLY WITH LYOV FOLLOWING BEHIND. THE ODD PAIR GARNER THE ATTENTION OF PASSING BY PEOPLE, BUT LYOV DEFTLY IGNORES THE CURIOUS LOOKS. THEIR FINAL DESTINATION IS A CORPORATE BUILDING. WHY IS HE NOT SURPRISED. “THIS IS IT,” HIS CAPTIVE SAYS, “DON’T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF. TAKE ME TO YOUR BOSS. THE MAN WHO RUNS EVERYTHING. NOW.” HE FLICKS HIS FINGERS AGAINST THE MAFIOSO MEMBER. HE MOVES FORWARD HESITANTLY. “Y-YOU SURE THAT’S A GOOD IDEA? THE BOSS ISN’T-” HE MUMBLES. “FORWARD.” A MOMENT PASSES BEFORE THEY BEGIN MOVING AGAIN. UP, UP, UP, AND UP. THE MAN BESIDE HIM FIDGETS, PERTURBED BY THE PROXIMITY OF THE BOY’S HAND WITH HIS SKIN. TOO BAD FOR HIM. THEY DON’T KNOCK. LYOV DOESN’T LET HIM. HE TAKES IN THE BOSS OF THE MAFIA WITH A QUICK GLANCE OVER. THIS MAN IS RUTHLESS. HE LIKES RUTHLESS PEOPLE. IT IS WRITTEN ON HIS FACE. SO LYOV KICKS HIS CAPTIVE IN THE SHIN AND A MOMENT LATER, THE MAN SCREECHES WITH A PAINED EXPRESSION. LYOV FEELS THE HEAT RISING FROM THE MAN’S BODY AT A RAPID RATE. HE MOVES HIS HANDS TO GRIP AT THE ASSASSIN’S NECK, HE WATCHES PASSIVELY AS ALL THE COLOR DRAINS FROM THE MAN’S BODY. “…RETRIBUTION,” HE SAYS. “FOR WHAT?” “BEING ANNOYING.” “YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY. YOU’VE TAKEN A SERVICE AWAY FROM ME. NOW YOU MUST GIVE ME YOUR SERVICES IN RETURN.” “OF COURSE.”

( “HM? HOW’S THAT?” )

HIS LIFE DRASTICALLY CHANGES AGAIN WHEN HE MEETS A  CURIOUS, GRAY-EYED BOY, THOUGH AT THE TIME HE IS NOT AWARE OF JUST HOW SPECIAL THEIR MEETING IS. ONE DAY, A CHEERFUL BOY COMES UP TO LYOV AND COMPLIMENTS HIS EYE COLOR. “YOU’VE GOT PRETTY EYES,” HE SAYS. AFTER THAT, HE APPROACHES LYOV EVERY DAY, COMPLIMENTING HIM ABOUT SOMETHING. IT WAS STRANGE AND CERTAINLY ANNOYING, BUT IT WAS ALSO HARMLESS SO LYOV DID NOT PAY THE BOY ANY MIND. HE IGNORED THE WEIRD BOY FOR THE MOST PART. UNTIL ONE DAY HE SAID SOMETHING DIFFERENT. “WHY ARE YOU SO LONELY?” A QUESTION, NOT A COMPLIMENT. HE NEVER ANSWERED. NOT THEN, AND NOT EVEN AS THE BOY DIED MANY YEARS LATER. IT’S NOT LIKE HE EVER NEEDED TO SAY ANYTHING. THAT BOY… HE ALWAYS KNEW. IT WAS ALMOST CREEPY HOW PERCEPTIVE THAT BOY WAS. AND FOR A TIME LYOV TRIED TO AVOID HIM. IT DIDN’T LAST LONG. THE SILVER-EYED BOY WAS BACK AT HIS SIDE BEFORE HE KNEW IT. AND HE DIDN’T JUST COMPLIMENT LYOV ANYMORE. HE TALKED. CONVERSED. IT WASN’T LONG BEFORE HE FOUND HIMSELF QUIETLY AGREEING HERE AND THERE.

( “WELL… DIDN’T YOU SAY YOU WERE ABLE TO SURVIVE SO LONG BECAUSE OF IT?” )

THE GRAY-EYED BOY TRULY WAS BOTH A BLESSING AND A CURSE FROM THE HEAVENS. IT WAS THE BOY WHO LURED LYOV OUT OF HIS SHELL. SURELY, HE WOULD HAVE NEVER BECOME SUCH A LIVELY FIGURE HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE BOY. HE DOESN’T THINK HE WOULD HAVE EVER ALLOWED HIMSELF TO LIVE SO MUCH HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE BOY. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, THE BOY CRUELLY GAVE HIM A TASTE OF NORMALCY. NORMALCY HE COULD NEVER TRULY OBTAIN. MANY NIGHTS HE AGONIZED OVER HOW HIS LIFE MIGHT HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT IF HE HAD NOT JOINED THE MAFIA. IF HE HAD STAYED HIS HAND THAT DAY. IF HE HAD RUN. IT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SUCH A SURPRISE THEN, WHEN THE MAFIA ORDERED THE BOY’S EXECUTION. AFTER ALL, IF THERE WAS EVER ANYONE NEARLY AS PERCEPTIVE AS THE BOY, IT WAS THE BOSS.

( “WELL YEAH, BUT… DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT MY ABILITY IS?” )

IT’S NOT EASY TO IGNORE THE SCREAMING. THE SCREAMING SO LOUDLY. IT ALMOST BREAKS HIS CONCENTRATION. HIS HANDS ARE PLANTED TIGHTLY AROUND HIS HANDS AS HE TRIES SO DESPERATELY TO FORGET JUST WHO HE IS USING HIS ABILITY ON. IRONICALLY, THE ONE WHO NAMED HIS ABILITY, FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW. ARGH! HE’S REALLY TRYING TO FORGET BUT HE DOESN’T WANT TO, DAMMIT! BUT HE HAS NO CHOICE. THERE’S NEVER A CHOICE, HE REALIZES. THE MAFIA DOES NOT PROVIDE CHOICES. ONLY ORDERS TO FOLLOW OUT LIKE A ROBOT. AND OF COURSE, IF A MALFUNCTION OCCURS, THERE IS ONLY ONE THING TO DO: ERADICATE IT. AND AS IT WERE, THE BOY SCREAMING IN FRONT OF HIM IS HIS MALFUNCTION. THE BUG TEARING DOWN THE SYSTEM.

( “YOU REFUSE TO TELL ME! OOH, IS THIS WHERE YOU’RE GONNA ADMIT YOUR DEEPEST DARKEST SECRETS? LIKE IN THE MOVIES?” )

HE REFUSES TO LOOK UP. HE DOESN’T THINK HE COULD BEAR THE DISGUST AND PAIN ETCHED ON HIS FACE IF HE LOOKED UP. AND GOD, HE WISHES THE SCREAMING WOULD JUST STOP ALREADY. BUT HE KNOWS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP IT IS HIM, AND HE KNOWS HE WON’T STOP IT. SO HE IS QUIETLY PRAYING - PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE. PRAYING FOR SOMEONE TO SAVE HIM FROM HIS FATE. BECAUSE HE SURE AS HELL CAN’T. HE KNOWS HE’S BEEN AT THIS FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR. IT COULD BE DONE FASTER - JUST UNDER NINE MINUTES IS HIS RECORD AFTER ALL. BUT HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO KILL HIM QUICKLY. HE’S SUPPOSED TO PROLONG IT. TO DRAW IT OUT. AND THEY DON’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IF HE DOESN’T. BUT HE KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN. AND YEAH, HE’S A SELFISH COWARD, BUT HE DOESN’T WANT TO DIE, DAMMIT! HE- HE STILL HAD THINGS HE WANTED TO DO!

( “WHA- HEY! DON’T RUN AWAY- COME BACK, LYOV! YOU GOT TO ANSWER THE QUESTION!” )

HE FORCES HIMSELF TO MOVE ON [ but he never does ]. HE FORCES HIMSELF TO FORGET [ but he never does ]. HE TRIES TO MOVE ON. HE TRIES TO FORGET. EVERY DAY HE TRIES, BUT HE CAN’T. HE’S STUCK IN LIMBO. HE CAN’T FORGET. HE CAN NEVER FORGET.

( HE COULD NEVER FORGET HIS ONLY FRIEND, GRAY OWENS. )

HE IS NINETEEN.

SAMPLE WRITING. ( prompt: “on a scale from one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me right now?” - “i’m hovering somewhere in the high thirties.” – thefakeredhead, no 331 )

His heart beats loudly against his chest. It bangs and bounces without the same gentle touch it treated him just over an hour ago when he still thought the gray-eyed boy died fourteen years ago. He desperately smiles, fighting the urge to run. He’s an expert at hiding his fear, so his fingers do not curl (which would hurt, by the way) and his shoulders shrug back casually. But the gray-eyed boy glares at him unimpressed and he immediately knows Gr-Owens can see right through his carefully practiced mask. It is unfair, really. The gray-eyed boy has always possessed the uncanny ability to read his mind like an open book. It was never the other way, and more so today as he stares at the gray-eyed boy (well, perhaps not a boy anymore, but he still clings on to those sweet memories). The only emotion he can discern is understandable disgust. Disgust he completely deserves for abandoning his only friend. He does not quite know how to respond to the gray-eyed boy. Not when his only expression is cold disgust mixed with a load of anger. But he does know Owens awaits his answer vindictively if his crosses arms are anything to go by. That leaves him with only one option left: to bullshit his way through. So he adorns the most annoying smirk he can muster and says smoothly, “But you won’t anyway.” He’d be shocked if Owens refuted him. The gray-eyed boy had every right to kill him. Nothing held him back. Especially not after the pain he put him through. Besides, a coward like him did not deserve to live. Yet as he admitted it to himself, a large piece of him refused to die. He would fight and scratch and claw even the gray-eyed boy if need be. He’s already killed (or at least he thought he killed) him once - what’s a second time to him? ‘Everything,’ a sad and quiet voice that definitely was not his whispers. Everything, yes. But he’s willing to sacrifice everything if it means surviving.

( a/n: he’s hallucination owens - owens is most definitely dead and this is just him guilt-tripping himself and coming to the conclusion that he’s an immoral man who will do pretty much anything to survive )

(OC. SHOGO MAKISHIMA, psycho path)