#like you have to be a specific sexuality to be attracted to trans/nb people

[wife]

sometimes I think about when a previous friend confessed to having feelings for me despite knowing im nonbinary transfem. and he was a gay nb trans man. and i was like ok maybe being gay is just an easy label to use and its not Accurate to his sexuality, bc we had even talked in the past about the specifics of my gender . so one time after this we were talking and he mentioned not liking women or something and i was like well u liked Me lol so #girl and he said "well youre nonbinary and mascleaning and im attracted to mascleaning nb people" and was hit over the head with the worst fucking Dysphoria ever like. Okay. i never said i was masc-leaning. my "masc lean" is being amab. cool. Thank you.

[specterthief]

hello fellow fandom people on tumblr, i have a question as someone who is very autistic and has had a lot of conversations where i feel like there are miscommunications going on

talking purely about discussion of actual canon rather than headcanons, and specifically in terms of same-gender attraction (i.e. gay/lesbian/bi/pan/etc characters, just for the sake of simplicity in categories here, since conveying characters as trans/nb and aro/ace is a bit different, and trying to handle specifically separating out gay/lesbian characters and bi/pan/etc characters in one would also be messy):

i'd also be curious to know how old you are and what your main fandom(s) are (and what characters in those might fit this) if you feel like adding that in the tags as well, but no pressure!

[spro-o]

i noticed that in your art you referred to gowther as auncle and that had me kicking my feet so may you please spare your nnt gender/sexuality headcanons and fave ships? hope your exams have gone/are going well and that you have a great weekend :D

*laughs evilly* yes,,,, my time to shine,,, >:3

thank you very much for the ask!! indeed i would love to share my queer hcs and favourite ships for the gang!!

hcs (heads up, some references to horny preferences)

Meliodas:

trans man (he/him) (im not projecting, trust) (lie)

pansexual

he has a very high libido/pervy tendencies, yes, but also an equally strong potential for romantic love - i do think of him as quite the possessive/protective type on a very deep emotional level, he just covers it up by acting like a perv all the time (something something traumatised and doesnt want others to see him caring for people since he fears they will take them away from him)

top-leaning switch and much freakier than his appearances may lead some to believe

Diane:

cis woman (she/her)

bisexual

has definitely kissed elizabeth multiple times on their "girl's nights/sleepovers"

the type to blush and fawn over every woman in existence,,,, and her husband too ig

pegs king on the regular

Ban:

masc-alligned genderqueer (he/they) (not projecting again) (another lie)

bisexual

finds men and women attractive at about an even ratio

he picks his clothing to be so slutty for a reason (queer signalling + hes a sucker for that kind of attention, though he might act like he doesnt care) (he cares most when said attention comes from meliodas, which is affirmed every time mel takes the chance to feel him up)

bottom-leaning switch and the most masochistic masochist you ever will meet

King:

cis man (he/him)

bisexual (god damn all these bitches bi ‼️‼️)

i think we all know how king discovered his like of men (,,, cough,, helbram,,)

yeah helbram definitely pull a couple of those 'leaning in for a kiss/doing some other gay shit' stunts as a joke and was like haha got you and king was just sat there, bright red, blood streaming down his nose

denied these stunts had any effect on him whatsoever

gets pegged by diane on the regular

Gowther:

non-binary (they/them) (intersex??? i mean, theyre a doll, probably got interchangeable parts lmao)

demisexual and demiromantic gay/queer

they dont really have a specific label to describe what genders theyre attracted to, its just sorta 'anything goes if we vibe', and its gay either way, so they keep it broad

as mentioned, theyre referred to by gender-neutral titles, but dont mind the occasional "miss ma'am" for comedic effect

tends to prefer bottoming, but not exclusively

Merlin:

nb trans woman (she/they)

aro-spec lesbian

shes never had much luck or want for romantic relationships but has definitely had her fair share of thotin around with women

very skilled at rizzing up said women, but its really a 50/50 whether shes doing so to get someone laid or to acquire her next social-experiment subject (whom she will also probably dick down later, who knows)

Escanor:

cis man,,,, he/him

straight,,

sorry yall, gotta have the token straight ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tho i do hc as being aware of the fact that merlin wont return his feelings, but having accepted that, so all the poetry he writes for her is more of a sign of appreciation of her as a friend, and not as an attempt to hit on her

Bonus!!

Elizabeth:

cis woman (she/her)

pansexual

the type to have gotten so so many crushes when she was younger,,, finding everyone really attractive and charming, and as a result being the most easily flustered person ever

as each sin rejoined the group, shed have her mandatory moment of "oh god,,,, its another very very hot/attractive person"

switch, but very gentle and caring no matter the position

Elaine:

demigirl (she/they)

sapphic

very easily flustered (extremely weak for elizabeth)

pillow princessing all over the place

Zeldris:

non-binary (he/they/xe)

bisexual, with a preference for women

tends to be pretty resistant to flirtatious remarks and whatnot, but is the absolute weakest when its from gelda (professional simp /pos)

,,,, also a massive bottom, but i digest

Gelda:

trans woman (she/her, also doesnt mind they/them)

demiromantic bisexual

knows exactly the effect she has on zeldris, but loves pretending she has no idea

shell say "oh, sorry just need to grad a book from the shelf behind you" and then get her boobs as close to zel's face as possible without making skin contact, and stay there until xe's gone bright red

hung

ships:

Melban - obviously, this one goes kinda goes without saying for me. i absolutely love the dynamic between these two, and their shared history as well. they are both very much sick in the head and have so many issues they each struggle with, but at the same time they cant take anything seriously. there are countless interactions between them which are just so so homoerotic, if not just really sweet. these two quite literally will go to hell and back for the other without a second thought, and i adore that (say its bros bein dude all you want, you cant convince me they didnt fuck in purgatory and on many other occasions)

Elilaine - theyre like melban but less punchy, more of the "normal about expressing love for the other". i know there arent many deep interactions between Elizabeth and Elaine, but i just, once again, think that they have a really adorable dynamic and would just make for the most lovely couple (with equally deceivingly harmless looks, but very much the potential to whoop ass if need be)

Geldris - these two, despite canonically being just a straight couple, are one of the most queer duos in the damn series,,, they just are, man, idk. big fan of them both being very gothic and stuff, and obviously im a sucker for how much zeldris buckles at the knees for anything gelda does,,, love them

Hendreyfus - old,,, old man yaoi my beloved (i just think theyre really adorable and are like and old married couple - very cutes!!) (also yeah old men)

i also do love the rarepair (? polycule) of all time, that being melban x elilaine,,, we should have seen more interactions between mel and elaine, and between ellie and ban!! they definitely got up to all sorts of stuff, i just know it

anyways!! thank you very much for the ask!! thankfully i only have one more exam left on monday and then im free from those :,) i hope you have a lovely day!! :D

[theaquinn-misc]

A-spec Lesbian

I decided to make my own list of things that have helped me realized I'm gay. Disclaimer: I'm not the arbiter of what makes someone an aspec lesbian, however if you experience some or most of these it's something to consider. Disclaimer 2: I've also not had a lot of experience dating so I can't include much of that here. This post will be divided in 3 sections: Men, Women and NBs and media

Men:

only crushing on "unavailable" men: married, in a relationship, much older, gay, fictional, celebrities

"crushing" on men and enjoying fantasizing about them, but not trying to flirt or even get close to them in any way

"crushing on a man" for a set period of time and then and thinking he's the hottest thing since sliced bread, but later (especially after a physical separation) finding him meh or cringey

fantasies about men having more to do with being happy and fulfilled in life and being seen as someone to be jealous of, not so much about the specific person

having a crush/attraction to a man only for him to return it and you realize that you feel uncomfortable

meeting a guy who is conventionally attractive and meets all your standards and telling yourself you are attracted to him but still feeling a weird pressure in your stomach/chest because "something is missing"

liking a guy, until he changes something minor about his appearance (shaves, does his hair differently) and then finding him basic/meh and losing all attraction to him

never understanding what women see in the men they date or like in media, at least looks-wise

finding even extremely conventionally attractive men to be kinda meh and thinking women attracted to men must be exaggerating how hot they find them

being uncomfortable when you find out a man has a crush on you and wanting him to stay away, but with women/nbs it's just a bit awkward and overall no big deal

having to force sexual and romantic fantasies for men and getting bored of them after a while

finding the most aesthetically attractive man in a group and deciding you are attracted to him (bonus points: being relieved when you find out he's taken/ and/or you could never date him for some reason)

being anxious or sad or bored when you imagine your life with a man

only wanting to date men if it's polyamorous (note: this is not to invalidate poly people, but if you can only imagine dating one gender ONLY if it's poly and having no issues to be monogamous with another gender... that might be something to look into)

getting sad/anxious/bored at the idea that your first boyfriend could be your forever partner. thinking "of course i want to experience life before I settle down"

wanting to dress sexy and reveal your body, but wanting to hide it when a man pays attention to you

Men expressing their attraction to men is more relatable than women expressing their attraction for men Women/ NBs:

finding only a few men aesthetically attractive but nearly every woman/queer/nb person (esp more femme ones) being gorgeous to you

wanting to impress and/or be liked by "special" women

going on dating apps and switching to "women only" even though you are (supposedly) bi/pan (note: some people may do this for safety reasons but if you can't even IMAGINE finding a guy off an app, even if you take all possible precautions, well...)

finding the fantasy of sharing your life with a woman/nb person far more rewarding and satisfying than the fantasy of doing those same things with a man

having some inkling of attraction to trans women pre-coming out, but suddenly thinking they are the most gorgeous people ever post knowing they are women(especially if they go on HRT),

really "admiring" masc/butch women and women who break gender roles (women in suits, women with defined muscles etc.)

thinking that everyone thinks women are more aesthetically attractive than men (hint: ask a gay man about this)

having deep feelings about a female actor, singer, teacher growing up etc. that feel special and unique

feeling guilty in locker rooms, not wanting to look at women too long

getting really excited at the idea of having a gf, or being a girl/nb person's gf/ partner but not feeling the same way about dating boys/men

wishing to be a lesbian because you think lesbians are cool and/or to avoid dating men

feeling uncomfortable feelings about the label lesbian, especially when applied to you (but not gay/queer/sapphic/wlw/nblw etc.)

not getting crushes on women IRL often because you're still aspec

getting crushes on fictional women, influencers, celebrities etc. Media:

never relating to m/f pairings even if they have bi/pan characters or the m/f relationships you see in media or around you.

shipping m/f, but thinking "that's cool for them, but I don't want that" (note: this might also have to with gender, if you're nb)

imagining yourself as the "man" in m/f ships never the woman

not relating to f/f ships with two thin conventionally feminine and usually white women (esp if you are fat, gnc, WoC, and/or are attracted to butch/masc women)

seeing posts about the attractiveness of men but relating them to m/m ships, not yourself

wanting every bi/pan character to be in a "gay" or at least, in a visibly queer relationship

only relating to m/f ships if they are more obviously queer. Like say, masc woman with a twink boyfriend (side note, I've never seen that, so if you have recs please send them my way)

only being able to get off on gay/lesbian porn, finding straight porn to be unsatisfying or boring or uncomfortable (note: porn is not a great way to determine sexualaity as most actresses are fetishized and fake prgasms, and most lesbian porn is not made for sapphics. but still) Things you are allowed to do as a lesbian/don't make you less gay:

Have m/f ships you feel strongly about

read/write m/f smut

relate to/write bi/pan characters

joke about liking celebrity men & fictional men

not be attracted to the women the lesbian community has decided are the hottest thing since sliced bread (Kristen Stewart is not everyone's type)

not be comfortable with certain sex acts or sex as a whole

[nothorses]

hi! this is a question about pansexuality that i fear asking. tbh i don't really care what anyone identifies as. everyone's part of my community to me. i am trying to wrap my head around bi v pan stuff as someone who is neither. i know bisexuals who are critical of the pan label because to them it distinguishes bisexuality as starkly Not being pansexuality. when definitions of bisexuality have included "attraction regardless of gender, or to all genders (and including trans and nb people)" for many bisexuals since like the 70s which is how i see pansexuality defined a lot of the time

i know that bi and pan have always been concurrent labels and they have a lot of overlap and that some ppl use them interchangeably. and i truly don't care that ppl id as pan. but i do feel weird seeing it juxtaposed to definitions of bisexuality that aren't inclusive of all bisexuals? (ie that bisexuals aren't attracted to ALL genders, just two or more.. when many bisexuals Are attracted to all genders! part of bisexual history is that people have been fighting to let others know Bisexuality is more inclusive than the literal like latin meaning of bi = two). i don't know where to stand on this divide. i love pansexuals and the pan label and the right to self determination in identity but i do understand the argument that it feels hurtful in a biphobic way to say it is inherently a distinct sexuality from being bisexual when it's. like. many bi and pan ppl would define their sexuality in the exact same way other than a difference in specific label. i feel like people hate this opinion lmao!!! please help! even if you hate my opinion too i literally feel like i need guidance KDBDBS

Tbh I think there's a lot of historical context to this whole convo, and I don't think you're alone in being confused. And honestly given the amount of info you have, I think you're in a pretty respectable spot about it. (And I say "historical" here in the sense that I am. 25. and I'm mostly talking about the things I have either seen firsthand, or read about/heard about from others.)

So like- when I was a Young Queer, it was very common for people to define "bi" as meaning "men and women" (or even "cis men and cis women"), and thus "pan" rose to popularity as an alternative to essentially mean "everyone, including trans and nonbinary people".

This was like, early 2010's? And I'm talking about other Young Queer spaces and interactions. And you kind of have to remember that in that time, it was kind of radical to tell people not to call things "gay" if they didn't like them. Joking that people were trans (usually in terms like "lol Justin Beiber is a lesbian") was common even in progressive spaces. I was stunned when a friend of mine asserted that they were just gonna stop using the r-slur, like, at all.

So I can kind of understand why "pan" might have felt like a needed thing at the time. I think it felt like a kind of shorthand for "I'm cool with trans people", and at least from my perspective, that was something you very much needed to state back then.

I think there are a lot of people my age who, if they don't still understand "bi" and "pan" that way, at least kind of "get" where that definition is coming from. And yeah, it's ahistorical as hell! "Bi" has always been inclusive of trans people. Not to mention people have been defining it all sorts of ways for a long time now; there are a ton of definitions out there, and how the word is defined often depends on who you ask.

But then you ask: if we know "bi" is and has always been trans-inclusive, why does anyone still need the word "pan"? And I think the answer is... complicated. And extremely personal, tbh.

This happens with queer language all the time; as terms are cycled out in favor of new ones, people who've been using them hang on regardless. Sometimes they don't know the language has been updated, but usually it's more than that. Usually they have more of a personal relationship with the word, and the community, that they can't just give up in favor of a new word.

Maybe some people who do understand that "bi" is not actually a transphobic term also still view "pan" as shorthand for "I'm cool with trans people", and that's important to them. Maybe they grew up with that word, formed relationships under it, and came out with it. Maybe the pan community impacted them in some profound way, and rejecting it over shifting definitions just doesn't feel right. There could be any number of reasons.

The other part of this is that much as people have come to understand the original definition of "bi" more widely now, the definition of "pan" and "bi" both have taken on multiple definitions as well. I've seen a lot of definitions that seem to exist just to differentiate the two. For example:

Bi: attracted to multiple (but not necessarily all) genders Pan: attracted to all genders

Bi: attracted to all genders, but in different ways, or with preferences Pan: attracted to all genders essentially the same

Bi: attracted to multiple (or all) genders Pan: attraction regardless of gender

I've also seen people use "bi" as the umbrella term, and "pan" as a more specific label beneath it (often with one of those pairs of definitions).

And you mention that "bi" has a lot of different definitions and understandings- so does pan! How a person understands those words, particularly when they identify with them, is going to be deeply personal and very likely very different from the next person. I think a good rule of thumb is to assume that whoever you're talking to may just have a different definition and understanding of the word they're using than you do, and try to ask them about it if it concerns you.

[antiterf]

Going through studies I have saved I opened up the one that found that about 86% of people would not want to date a trans person. Overall the study is good, but I have one critique:

"However, even among those willing to date trans persons, a pattern of masculine privileging and transfeminine exclusion appeared, such that participants were disproportionately willing to date trans men, but not trans women, even if doing so was counter to their self-identified sexual and gender identity"

When we look at the general data, the privileging of masculinity does look like a reasonable statement:

Trans men got more than double the amount of the sample than expected while trans women got about a third. There is a major discrepancy there.

But then we look at sexuality ("Bi/queer/nb means fuck all because they do not mean the same thing in the slightest, so another issue.)

The percentages regarding congruent sexuality (as in, attracted to women only=attracted to trans women, and vice versa) is about the same for trans men and women. Incongruence is not. It seems that a lot of the difference would be with trans men specifically being misgendered. Making this not a privileging of masculinity at all, because trans men are not even seen as masc enough to have our gender identities respected.

This figure helps a lot more, as we can see that in the category that means fuck all because they put a bunch of groups together that vary significantly, there is a clear preference for trans men compared to trans women. The thing is, we don't know for sure what the sexuality is here. Non-binary is not a sexuality, bi is sexual attraction to multiple genders and can exclude men or women, and queer is queer. Yet the authors claim that the whole group they put together should show attraction to both trans men and trans women but not either exclusively... yeah, apparently non-binary means that you cannot be monosexual to the authors.

The authors do discuss transphobia in conclusion, specifically being seen with trans men more regarding incongruent attraction. They did not say it in the abstract, which is what almost everyone will read.

And I think it's an example of what I see as describing trans experiences in a cisgender framework when it comes to gendered oppression. Specifically seeing our masculinity and femininity, or gender identity as a whole, as unquestioned when it is on a daily basis. It is assumed that trans men are seen as men all the time, and trans women as women. This is the ideal, but not reality. So what could be a nuanced discussion about how both of us can be treated in oddly gendered ways (trans women fetishized more than trans men are, like cis women compared to cis men, but seen as more violent than trans men, for instance) is pushed into categories that were not made with trans people in mind. It's ultimately a failed attempt at intersectionality that's often done while trying to be intersectional.

[flyin-shark]

"Cishet probably". The words of a man who is yet to learn that gender is a circus and clowns can be hot.

Or what I mean is more like.... That's really interesting in a sense, as soneone who is ambiguous/not caring on all levels, I really wanna study the anatomy of the cishet experience. I can't figure it out. Is it like. If you see a person your ability to be attracted to them depends on your current knowledge of their gender? So you could see a person and assume they are a woman, so then you are into them, but then they might turn out not to identify as a woman, and that is a turn-off?

And the other way around, maybe you meet someone and assume they're a guy so it doesn't enter your mind that they could be hot, but then you learn that they are a woman, and then it becomes an option?

I'm really not trying to be offensive so I'm so sorry if I am. I'm just super curious, as a person who was never able to conceptualize gender in myself or others very well. I find attraction complicated as is, and imagining adding the matrix of gender into it is like... Galaxy brain woah h o w ?

Uh. Anyways, good vibes.

(Came to think of it cuz you say you're a top/into bottoms. And like certainly the top/bottom dichotomy transcends gender, but at the same time, I wonder what the "communication" is in there in a cishet context? Does it mean "I don't like getting penetrated by a partner", or is it more about "top energy". And if yes, what is "top energy" in a cishet context?

I really hope I'm not coming across as rude, I'm literally just super curious about people who ID as cishet, so when I run into someone who seems approachable I turn into 12 questions with ....

Also this also is related to the fact that I'm like a dude but in a girl way you feel? Like most people attracted to me are also attached to gnc women, but also if you need to call me 'her' to get off, we probably won't vibe, and as a general rule I do avoid having sex with cishet guys bc if their attraction is somehow contingent on internal misgendering of me, it's awkward. But I'm trying to figure out how that works. )

Sorry I'll stop asking now. I'll get my ND ass under control.

Yes to your first three questions.

So I call myself cishet because first I’m fairly sure that I’m not trans. I feel like a man, whatever that means. I get what I think is a sense of euphoria from doing certain “masculine” things (wearing suits, fixing things, etc.). I don’t like the idea of me wearing a skirt of other typically feminine clothing. I don’t like when people use feminine versions of my name and pronouns that aren’t he/him for me. In all aspects I can think of I’m a man.

As for the hetero part I know I like women. I always have as far as I can remember. I’ve never had attraction to men. Although in the past few years with learning about trans and nb people I’ve had to think more about it. I used to be transphobic in the sense that while I respected pronouns and names I wouldn’t accept that people were their something other than their assigned gender. After learning about the science behind sex and the social dynamics of gender I now fully accept trans and enby peeps. But that means reconsidering what I like about women and don’t like about men.

I’ve seen femboys that I’ve mistaken for women and been attracted to them. After finding out they were boys i was confused but I just wrote it off and didn’t think about it. I saw a lot of enbies that looked more masc or fem and I was attracted to them if I thought they were afab. But then I saw some enbies that were really androgynous and was really confused again. I learned that you can’t tell if someone is a man or woman or other just by looking at them. It’s possible I’m just attracted to femininity and not women specifically. But also women with muscles are hot.

Answering your question about tops and bottoms. After spending time in queer spaces I realized just how boring most cishet relationships are both romantically and sexually. The top, dom, and giver roles, etc are all dumped on the man while the bottom, sub, and receiver roles are all given to the woman. I think most cishets don’t even differentiate between the roles.

My brain still doesn’t comprehend what it’s like to be “a dude in a girl way” or anything similar to that. Like I respect you as a person I just don’t understand how that works. It seems like a contradiction at first but I know boy and girl aren’t opposites.

Sorry for taking so long to respond to this but I wanted to give you some good answers.

[the-trans-advice-blog]

Hey I would like some advice please. I consider myself an inclusive trans gay man. Emphasis on gay. I do not identify as bisexual at all, and have never been attracted to women. My very debate happy friend asked me to look at some vids of people and say how attracted I was. Ok. Well it turns out a LOT of the people I said I was attracted to could be proven to identify as women, all amab and usually trans women oddly none of the afab non-binary or afab very gnc women. My friend then says “ok so you see, EITHER sexual orientation is based on sex, and you are attracted to amabs only” (which admittedly is the pattern 😣) OR you are bisexual for being attracted to cis men, trans women and amab nb/queer. I just don’t know what to say. I am not bi. But I am attracted to trans women unless they pass 100% and even then if I know they still have a cock, I’m kinda interested. But then to say that feels transphobic. How can I articulate my sexuality in an honest but inclusive way?

To be completely honest with you labels don’t entirely matter or mean anything specific. You can call yourself whatever you want (though just queer might be the most helpful for you) and it can mean whatever you want it to mean.

On a personal note, I’m not sure what your friend was trying to prove but that whole situation is pretty bizarre to me. Gender and sex are complicated but it feels to me like they were trying to “get” you in some kind of way.

Lots of people try to question being exclusively gay because gender is so complicated. But if you want to call yourself gay then do it.

At the end of the day what matters is what makes YOU the most comfortable. Anyone who’s romantically interested in you can simply talk to you and you can explain more in depth how you feel.

[selfmademen]

Hey I would like some advice please. I consider myself an inclusive trans gay man. Emphasis on gay. I do not identify as bisexual at all, and have never been attracted to women. My very debate happy friend asked me to look at some vids of people and say how attracted I was. Ok. Well it turns out a LOT of the people I said I was attracted to could be proven to identify as women, all amab and usually trans women oddly none of the afab non-binary or afab very gnc women. My friend then says “ok so you see, EITHER sexual orientation is based on sex, and you are attracted to amabs only” (which admittedly is the pattern 😣) OR you are bisexual for being attracted to cis men, trans women and amab nb/queer. I just don’t know what to say. I am not bi. But I am attracted to trans women unless they pass 100% and even then if I know they still have a cock, I’m kinda interested. But then to say that feels transphobic. How can I articulate my sexuality in an honest but inclusive way?

I'll be honest, there's a whole lot to unpack there and I dont think I can unpack it for you. Your identify is entirely your own so I say identify how you want. For me, I'm queer. If I'm asked to define it further, I'm attracted to masculinity - which means I'm attracted to men and also tend to be attracted to butch women and butch nb folk.

I a) don't think your friend has your best interests at heart and is just a shit stirrer and b) think you should maybe re-evaluate how you think about trans women.

I guess the thing to ask yourself is "am I attracted to this woman as a woman, or am I attracted to these specific traits that I am internally identifying as masculine?" and then acknowledging the fact that if it's the latter, maybe you need to work on that a little. The other thing is - why does your sexuality need to be inclusive? You've expressed that you are a gay man. Ergo, you are a gay man (I am assuming a trans man given the way you worded this but you may have meant 'trans inclusive gay man' idk). Are you saying you want to be *trans inclusive* in your sexuality? Because again, what does that mean to you?

Another point to consider: were you attracted to them or did you find them attractive? Because there IS a difference. I can acknowledge and find people attractive and recognise attractive traits without being sexually attracted to them. This is distinction you can make.

At the end of the day, no one is owed an explanation for your sexuality.

[greenevergreens]

Image Description:

A meme of a hand speeding to hit a button labeled biphobe extinction button.

End of Image description

-=-

Long post below the cut, explaining who this post is directed at, by specific beliefs/opinions around bisexuality.

This is directed at:

Anyone who thinks bi people are just straight/lesbian or gay, depending on their current partner.

Bi people are bi regardless if they're dating someone of the same gender, similar gender, or different gender. That's literally the definition of being bi, attraction to genders same/similar and different to your own, as in ALL GENDERS. Someone who's attracted to all genders, doesn't suddenly become a lesbian just because her current partner is also a woman, yes even if they're married and in a committed monogomous relationship. Bi people are bi, regardless of their commitments or current parnter. Stil being bi doesn't mean they don't love their partner or that they're going to cheat, same as how someone still being straight in a committed mono relationship doesn't inherently mean they're going to cheat on the next person of a differnt gender they stumble across. People aren't considered aro if they're single or ace if they aren't currently having sex, so why should bisexuals not be considered bisexual if they're dating someone of the same/similar or different gender??

Anyone who thinks that bisexuality excludes any genders.

Again, bisexuality means attraction to genders same/similar and different to your own, all genders are either same gender as your own, similar to your own gender or different than your own gender. Regardless if you believe there to be only 2 genders or literally infinate genders, bisexuality includes all of them.

Anyone who thinks bisexuality excludes trans people.

Trans men are men, trans women are women, trans nb folk are nb. Trans men and cis men are THE SAME GENDER, trans women and cis women ARE THE SAME GENDER. Men, women, and nb folk as well as any other gender/s you believe to be valid, are always going to be either same as your gender, similar to your gender, or different than your own gender.

Anyone who thinks that bisexuals are shallow or that we always care about someone's gender or (even worse) genitals.

Bisexuality is ONLY about the types of attraction you feel Hetero (Different gender attraction), and homo (Same/similar gender attraction). It has NOTHING to do with preferences. Some bisexuals don't gaf about gender or genitals, some prefer one gender over the other, some find themselves more attracted to specific genitals over others, some love all genders but differently, for some their preference changes or disappears over time, due to fluctuating experiences, viewpoints, situations and whatnot. They're all still bisexual.

Anyone who thinks bisexuals are more likely to cheat, or be promiscuous.

Bisexuality is ONLY ABOUT IF YOU FEEL HOMO & HETERO ATTRACTION (again that's attraction so genders that are same/similar to your own gender, and attraction to genders that are different to your own gender). It has just as much to do with how likely you are to cheat or sleep around as any other sexuality, in that it has NOTHING to do with it. Some bisexuals sleep around and cheat, some don't, same like how some gays, lesbians and straights do and some don't.

Anyone who thinks that you have to have experiance dating all genders to be able to label yourself as bisexual.

There are a million and one reasons why someone might identify as bisexual without having dated or gotten intimate with all genders. Not everyone lives in an area where doing so is safe. Some people live in an area where if they were caught dating someone of the same gender they could be kicked out of their home, abused, assaulted, raped, or even executed by their country. Even if they live in an area that is widely considered safe to be LGBT+ in, doesn't mean they owe anyone their dating history. Bisexuality (as is the same with all other sexualities) about attraction, not about past experiance. Someone can be lesbian without having dated any women (and yes this can also include women who've had male partners or even a husband or two in the past), someone can be gay without having dated any men, and someone can be straight without having dated anyone of the different gender. This is about ATTRACTION not past experiances. Self discovery is a journey, and we're all traveling it differently. Some people figure it out quickly, for some it takes some trial and error, and for some it's something they don't figure out until much MUCH later in life, and some never figure it out. It's a journey, and it's not often an easy and straightforward one, especially when you live in a VERY heteronormative, and homophobic scociety.

Anyone who thinks that bisexuality is somehow limiting, and pansexuality isn't.

They're literally the same thing, they both mean attraction to all genders. If you think otherwise, you're biphobic. While personally I think merely identifying as pansexual has done and still currently does do a lot of damage to the bisexual community, and I would get rid of the label as a whole if I could (pansexuality has set back the bisexual community YEARs in terms of fighting against misinfo). I understand, at least not for my lifetime, pansexuality isn't going anywhere, so as long as you aren't spreading biphobic misinformation, it's not something that I am going to fight. Not at all a fan of it, but I'm trying to pick my battles here. I know we're on the same boat, just some of y'all think you're better than the rest of us, cause you think just cause you got a different room means you're on a whole ass different boat.

Anyone who thinks that bisexuals all want threesoms/orgies.

AGAIN, bisexuality is about attraction, not how promiscuous they are. SOmeone can be bi, and be incredibly mono and vanilla. STOP ASSUMING BI=SEXUALLY ADVENTOROUS. Liking same/similar and different genders does not in any way shape or form inherently mean we want both at the same time!! Do some bisexuals like and seek out threesomes/orgies? YES of course, they're human some humans like threesoms/orgies. Do some bisexuals HATE the idea of a threesom or orgy? YES of course, again they're human, some humans don't do threesoms or orgies.

Anyone who thinks that bisexuals have to have an equal dating ratio to be able to identify as bisexual.

Bisexual people are still bi regardless if they're dating history is 80% same gender and only 20% different gender. Bisexual people are still bi regardless if they're dating history is 99% different gender and 1% same gender. Hell bisexual people are still bi even if they've only dated the same or different gender. It's not about their dating history it's about if they experiance hetero (Different gender attraction), and homo (same/similar gender attraction).

Anyone who thinks that someone who doesn't gaf about the gender or genitals of their partner/s is pansexual instead of bisexual.

Pansexuality is just another word for bisexual, while I am not a huge fan of the term, and honestly think it's done so much damage to the bisexual community and honestly isn't a necessary label at all, it exists and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. If you're pansexual, that's fine, as long as you aren't spreading misinformation about what it means to be bisexual.

Anyone who thinks that bisexuality is somehow an "adult" sexuality, and that kids can't or shouldn't identify as bisexual.

Unless you're keeping that same engergy for all other sexualities you're just biphobic. Bisexuality isn't anymore inherently sexual than being straight, or gay/lesbian. Someone identifying as bisexual doesn't mean they're anymore sexual than any other person of any other sexuality. It's not the jobs of other people to not identify as an innocent sexuality just because you're a pervert who can't keep their mind out of the gutter when it comes to bisexuality.

Anyone who thinks bisexuality can't or inherently doesn't include non-binary people, and especially if you think, that if you're attracted to non-binary people that you're actually pansexual instead of bisexual.

Anyone of any sexuality can be attracted to non-binary people, there's no way to tell if someone is non-binary unless they tell you. So a lesbian might find herself attracted to a non-binary person because said nb person is more feminine, or is female presenting. A gay man might find himself attracted to a nb person who is more masc or male presenting. While there are debates on how one should label themselves if they are straight, or lesbian/gay, and dating a nb person, it's weird to think someone has to identify as pansexual to be attracted to someone they'd have no idea isn't a woman or man if said nb person didn't tell them.

Anyone who thinks that terms like omni/poly/etc.-sexual are valid.

They're all just bi. Bi doesn't mean you have to feel the same level of attraction to all presentations of all genders, so if you're only attracted to feminine folk, assuming that includes genders same/similar and different to your own you're still bi. If you're only attracted to masculinity (again assuming hetero and homo attraction) you're still bi. You don't need a new label for your preferences.

Anyone who thinks that someone should have to disclose that they are bi before dating someone, or that by not disclosing that they are bi, that they are lying to or decieving their parnter.

Here's the thing, you don't have to tell a new partner that you're bisexual. You don't have to tell them that because that doesn't effect the other person at all. Would I personally let a potential partner know? Yes, not because I think they're owed that information, but because I don't want to date someone who is biphobic, so to weed those people out, I am open about my bisexuality.

[piece-of-the-pie-if]

Here's what I wonder: if we play a queer MC, are they in the closet or open about? Or will queerness not be a big deal? Or will MC be just queer in canon, no specific term chosen?

I was thinking about the whole Dylan disaster and like, aside from attraction not be very cut and dry and it's STILL argued on where attraction to NB people fall and if lesbian or gay identities include attraction to NBs (personally, I identify as queer so I don't have a horse in this race as it's an umbrella term), if you play as lesbian or gay, won't the plot have some issues? Unless you plan to make people think MC is merely questioning the previously established identity, of course. Or they are just queer as mentioned.

Dylan is nonbinary transmasc who is AFAB, so the rumours of a lesbian or a gay crushing on them would make... the rumor mill go nuts in a bad way.

And of course, if MC is in the closet, they kinda get outed by their friends? Which is not cool.

I hope I was able to explain myself properly, English is not my first language so I struggle a lot with coherence.

Hello! Your English is more than fine!

To be perfectly honest, the nuance surrounding Dylan and the implications of MCs attraction to them wasn't something I was thinking about (so thank you for asking about it──so I can think about it now!!)

The bare bones of my plan was to give the options of 'does MC actually have a crush on Dylan'━'yes' MCs attraction includes NB/trans mascs━'no' MCs attraction doesn't include NB/trans mascs━'not really' MCs attraction could include NB/trans mascs, just not right now.

That being said, I hadn't thought about if an MC was still in the closet about their sexuality/attraction──and it's not something I tend to write about. Typically I tend to take a more optimistic approach to the realism of queer life and culture in my writing because I think there's enough prose surrounding queer suffering and Coming Out.

Regardless of MCs actual orientation, a rumour mill doesn't necessarily care if things are true or not. I was planning on creating a choice for the MC to get really affected by the rumors about them or for MC to not particularly care for them so I could add in nuance surrounding why for either way.

This IF is still very very new so literally nothing has been written/set in stone.

All in all, my main reason for writing this IF is to explore romance in a healthy way, with no 'backlash' for simply being queer. I think the escapism of not having to play as in the closet is one of the reasons I'm drawn to queer IFs. I think I will keep this IF intrinsically queer──no closets, no fear of coming out.

I may include an MC arc about figuring out a new part of their orientation if they hadn't realised it yet but I have no intentions of writing angst because of queerness.

I hope that I made sense in this little explanation/rant I've gone on. Its something I'll think about much more going forward, so I thank you for bringing it up!!

[kagansune]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

I am not straight, and i am not gay. So here is my understanding as someone who thinks about gender and sexuality theory a lot but doesn't have first-hand knowledge of this.

The truth of the matter is simple. Everyones experience is their own. There are people who are attracted to people mostly on looks. And dont really care whats in your pants. There are people who dont have interest in dick or in vag. And thats okay too. Its not transphobic to not want to suck girl dick. And there are people who it is solely personality that matters.

Labels to me. Are something we give ourselves to simplify our attraction. We can disect it. And explain it. But to me all labels are just a baseline statement.

I know a lesbian who is dating a man. She considers herself a lesbian because 99% she is attracted to only women. Because 99% of the time only women fit the type of stuff she's looking for in a partner.

I do believe there are people out there who are 100% straight or gay. But i believe it is because what they are attracted to is so narrow they have only found it in people that fit those terms

If you were only attracted to people who have very specific boob shapes, for instance. That would narrow it down a lot. And likely exclude most trans and nb's.

If you were only attracted to people who you have a common video game interest with, for example. That would narrow your field (depending on game) significantly towards one gender.

People who "dont really have a type" on the other hand are far more often bi or pan.

While each person could just say what they find attractive. It's much easier to say "I'm gay," then saying. "I've never found anyone of this gender attractive, but that could change. idk"

As for what is attractive about a man? Have you ever seen some good ass back muscle shots of male dancers? That shit kills me. Delicous. Facial hair is fun to play with love that. Enjoy playing with chest hair also. Broad strong shoulders that are also so delicate and cute when they slump. You ever see a dude so involved in his little project he has lost himself to it? Adorable. Since I am one of those bitches who doesnt have a type. I cant help ya more than that.

On the animal/ biological level. Some people just like dick. Some animals just like dick. Let them like dick.

[butch-garfield]

OK so I'm asking because you've been reblogging about it pretty frequently lately and I can not seem to get a straightforward answer from anyone I've asked so far on this:

What is the meaningful difference between a lesbian who identifies as nonbinary because of the ways their sexuality and gender interact, and a nonbinary person who identifies as both bisexual and lesbian because of the ways their gender and sexuality interact?

Because as someone who IDs as a nonbinary lesbian myself, I really can't see a difference meaningful enough to assume bad faith over the identity.

Like, do you consider women who are attracted to you to not be lesbians because you don't identify as a woman, and therefore they are inherently attracted to at least two genders if they are attracted to you?

Can a nonbinary person really be a lesbian if they're attracted to other nonbinary people and the definition of lesbian is inherently tied to attraction to women?

Does bisexuality inherently include attraction to men, or just to multiple genders?

If bisexuality does inherently include attraction to men, how would one identify if they're not attracted to men, but are attracted to multiple other genders?

I'll stop the questions here but I could keep going for a while if I wanted, lol.

I don't think I'll be persuaded to change my mind, but I want to hear other people's opinions on this, especially since I've seen so many other nb lesbians treating the other label as some horrible badwrong identity that's a threat to us all and I just don't get it.

Sorry that it turned into so many questions, I just genuinely want other perspectives on this!

If you don't want to answer at all that's fine, too! I'll just consider it an "agree to disagree" situation.

To answer your questions in order:

1. Difference between nonbinary lesbians and bi-lesbians

Nonbinary is an umbrella gender label simply describing any genders that fall out of the societal binary of male/female, therefore a lesbian who feels as though their gender has been impacted and made something other than straightforward “woman” may choose to call themself nonbinary; meanwhile lesbian and bisexual are both sexuality labels with mutually exclusive definitions and therefore both identities cannot impact one’s experience of gender as they cannot apply to the same person

2/3. Does being attracted to nonbinary people are you bi? Can lesbians be attracted to nonbinary people?

Attraction to nonbinary people exists across all sexualities, as all sexual orientations include some nonbinary people due to nonbinary being an umbrella term for a wide range of experiences and not a strict third gender, therefore some people may choose to identify partially as a woman/man in some sense but still be nonbinary

4. Does bi mean “two” in the case of bisexuality?

Famously and historically, no! Bisexuality has always included all attractions genders, with the term both being influenced by a society with a largely binary view of gender until recently, but even now with the widely agreed upon definition being “attraction to both one’s own gender and other genders”, also the idea of “two genders but not all” has always felt like a strawman if we’re being honest, if you can find me another specific gender with as much codified societal recognition as the current binary genders, I will answer this question, but until then question how well you really understand anything about gender both as a personal identity and a social construct

And finally: people are not “badmouthing” bi-lesbians for no good reason, we are calling out lesbophobia (the insinuation that lesbians can be attracted to men), biphobia (the idea that bisexuals should “pick a side” and do not truly experience attraction to all genders), as well as a topic I have yet to mention but it���s of extreme importance: transmisogyny

Since this label has a history of being utilized by TERFS and other transphobes to imply that lesbians who dated trans women were not in fact real lesbians

So even if a person could magically fit some definition of a “bi-lesbian” why is that the term they’d choose for it? The one that belittles and disrespects trans lesbians and those who choose to love them? Why do so few people know or care about the history of the term and ideas they’re trying to invent? It’s not pointless discourse over nothing, it’s fighting harmful ideas that ultimately perpetuate bigotry against all of us.

[feralattentionwhore]

Get to know the blog:

So apparently my horny posts are something worth following for so I guess I'll do a bio and about me thing that definitely won't turn into a random ADHD ramble about shit

About me

I'm Feral, 19 and I never learnt how to read ✌️

^^ I'm leaving this up because I think it's hilarious but I'm 20 now

Living in the UK but not white

demisexual as fuck, preference for women but honestly I'm more interested in how we vibe than any gender. I tend to identify most with lesbian/sapphic labels because I feel most comfortable in this community.

fuck knows my gender either, I mostly present femme atm but I just identify as *all* I'd say I'm more nb/w or nb/nb & t4t but just in love with queer people in general. I am a girl but I'm also a boy, I'm not cis. You aren't straight if you're attracted to me

Owned, completely and utterly in love, technically poly. I'd rather start off as friends and see how it goes (benefits available if we vibe)

-Dni and more under than the cut-

DNI:

I'm saying this now, I love y'all but minors please get off my page *respectfully*. This includes blank blogs without your age/ age range

Cis men-Age regressors-People who fetishise trans people, s*ssies and cross dressers-Gender/sexuality correction-terfs/homophobes etc-

Oh and PSA this fucking includes people who gatekeep LGBT labels, including but not limited to hating on butch lesbians who transition, nb&he/him lesbians. Just honestly if you aren't accepting of the ✨ENTIRE✨ LGBT+ community and how people choose to identify please leave. No buts no ifs no maybes

How to give attention:

Asks are completely okay, if you want to talk through anon regularly pick an emote and I'll be sure to tag it so they're easy to find. Flirt with me or ask questions, just keep it within my limits please.

Requests are also totally okay along with reblogs of any of my posts. They're always appreciated!

Unless we've interacted before please don't randomly DM me. Mutuals are obviously always welcome to chat, for non moots I prefer asks as I get a lot of anxiety

I tend to check out profiles that reblog/follow so if you want to be moots then that's the way to go

I can't believe I have to say this, but if you're only messaging me to sext or roleplay or whatever you call it you can leave. It makes me uncomfortable, and will most likely make me feel weird about talking to you again in the future. I'm happy to flirt but unless we've talked about it nothing more.

Safe words and talks about boundaries and limits are non negotiable in kink. If you're not respectful of that you're not a dom, if you don't have complete understanding of how this works and expect to engage in anything sexual with someone without doing proper preparation you're practicing unsafe and frankly dangerous kink. Kink is something serious and you need to know what you're doing

I'm demisexual, with a partner and require actual communication before I engage in anything other than flirting. If you're literally only talking to me bc I'm hot or for sex n stuff you're going to be disappointed

I also have a shit tonne of anxiety, so I will disappear if something makes me feel unsafe. If I don't reply, don't make it worse by getting upset. I'm sorry but I really just don't have the energy to deal with things, especially when we don't really vibe.

About ✨whore✨me:

I'm a sub mostly, total bottom and complete mess irl. thought I was ace until this year and basically innocent af (I mean significantly less as of v recently but still fairly shy). Also kinda a hermit so I'm very touch starved.

Short long summary of my kinks.. To be continued..

- Praise and nicknames, specifically cute ones that start with "my"

- Exhibitionism Mostly being uh, fucked in front of people and stuff

- hands and fingersJust god, everything to do with them. In my mouth? Yes, Pulling my hair? Yesss, choking me?? Yesssssssss, hurting tf out of me?? Please

- being manhandled, strength, just be stronger than me and throw me around pls&ty

- being a simp for me and letting me get away with pretty much anything?? Yes

- being controlled and posessiveness Like a lot, like probably more than a healthy amount

- being teased, constantly

- marks.. Just fucking marks feeling owned and having proof of it with collars and stuff

- and also pain, pain and more pain all the hard kinks

- voices, dirty talk, the way they beg, and moan, and call me a good girl, the way their voice drops when they tease me. Everything about voices

- corruption.. 👀 😤

- being free use, letting friends fuuck me, being a whore for everyone. Them sharing my nudes with their friends, them letting their friends fuck me? Yes please

- affectionate domination / soft doms but rough sex

- most of this is just the long way of saying I have a massive kink for my pretty ass girlfriend though.. Just everything about them.. Mostly their hands, and their voice and uh.. Yeah just them

Limits:

-degradation, any way shape or form,I'll most definitely cry. Acting like you don't like me, hurt me because you love me not because you think I'm worthless

- pet play, Ddlg and that kind of vibe aren't for me

- I don't quite know how to explain it but the strict af, black suit and tie, academy / high protocol/training style/straight people bdsm. It's just way too nonpersonal for me and not fun. I prefer messing around and stuff plus my gf looks way better in a skirt

- discipline, punishments and other things that make me think you hate me (see: I'm a big ass baby and sensitive af)

- refering to my uhh *anatomy* just uh it gives me dysphoria like a lot so please don't

- body fluid shit, incest, feet, tickling, hypnosis

- other things that I'm not perticularly comfortable talking about here, you don't need to know unless we're talking

Tags I use:

Yes I'm insanely bad at tagging things, yes I'm trying, no it's not working. If I forget to, just get mad at me in asks or something. I'm sorry ADHD just kind of does that

#feral asks - all asks that I've answered

#feral music - music recommendations because I have a god complex about music

#feral in love - direct posts about my gf/wife/partner/Dom/love of my life

#feral tmi - random personal shit about myself and figuring out my body

#feral reblogs - stuff I reblog, I have a separate account where I keep most of my reblogs but sometimes I can't help it

#needy feral - me begging for attention on Tumblr

#feral exposed - photos of me

#tw feral - depressing shit, mute the tag if you don't want to see that shit

#dark feral - hard kink shit, mute if you'd rather not see it

#feral complaints - shit that bothers me

#feral blogs - thoughts, updates and questions for you all about the blog

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

Hello, I was wondering if I could ask you a question about he/him lesbians and your opinions on them. I’ve seen you answer an ask before which is what sparked my curiosity. In your answer, you mentioned that identifying as a he/him lesbian beyond safety reasons is unethical. Personally, I don’t identify with any labels, but I do use he/him and I’m not uncomfortable with the term lesbian being applied to me because I am a female who is attracted to other females. On the basis of same sex attraction I am a “lesbian” but I experience dysphoria and am transitioning. I don’t believe that gender is a social construct either, just in sex based attraction. Could you shed some light on this situation? Or does this fall into the context of something you’ve already discussed? Thank you for your time!

This has a couple different points to touch on so imma break it up a bit. Long post ahead.

Firstly, congrats on realizing transitioning is the right path for you. It's not always an easy decision or process. I genuinely hope you find comfort in your body. Medically transitioning for me did absolute wonders. I found myself actually liking my body, being way more comfortable dancing, running, or doing literally anything in public and even privately. Dysphoria is a bitch, and I commend anyone else who has to deal with it.

You specifically asked about he/him lesbians and I stand by my words in my FAQ. Unless it's for safety reasons (as it was for a long time in the past) or you're not outta the closet yet, I find it to be very homo/lesbophobic to call yourself a he/him lesbian. I will never tell someone to their face I don't agree with them because I have absolutely no clue their life story.

Keeping on that point. It's not just safety, but also your own comfort to come out of the closet. I called myself a lesbian for a bit despite being a tran man because I didn't pass as a man yet. I didn't tell people I was trans, just that I liked women. So everyone saw me as a lesbian. Then once I passed, I stopped using that label. If you're in the closet you use any word you need to in order to keep yourself there. It doesn't matter the reason your in the closet-- if it's safe or not. If you're not comfortable, that's all that's needed.

As for people who are fully out and have no safety concerns, I def give a big side eye. This is for a large number of reasons:

1. If you go by he/him-- especially solely by he/him-- then you are a man. I am a firm believer that pronouns (specifically she/he are gendered). Otherwise they'd have no reason to exist. Misgendering people pronouns is a thing. That is only possible if pronouns are gendered. So a man calling himself a lesbian (tran, nb, or otherwise) goes against the definition of lesbian. Ie. Women who are attracted to women.

2. Your biological body doesn't matter. When it comes to sexuality trans people are a big gray area and don't actually contradict anything. A lesbian dating a trans women who hasn't medically transitioned is still a lesbian. Because she's with a women. It doesn't matter if her partner has a dick or not. She's a women. End of story.

When it comes to trans people in relationships and the way those in said relationship describe it, I do think it's best to leave it to them. It's not my relationship to define. So if two lesbians are in a relationship and one of them comes out as male, I get if the one who's still female still wants to call herself a lesbian. This is where the gray area comes in. Cuz she's only into the one guy, and she doesn't really fit the definition of bisexual. Trans people are a gray area 100%. And that can definitely make things a bit more complex when it comes to defining relationships.

3. But it's a different story if you're out, and not in the middle of a relationship that you're trying to figure out how to define. If you are a trans man you are a man. You are no longer a lesbian no matter how much you loved being in that community. Relating to group is not the same as being apart of it.

I know it can be hard to let go of a label that means a lot to you. I had a similar issue when I first realized I was trans. I genuinely hated the idea of being straight. I just realized that was due to do many people around me acting like it was the ultimate sin to be straight and I was just scared of the word being applied to me. The fact of the matter is, I'm not a lesbian anymore. It's ok to let go of words when you discover new things about yourself.

You said so yourself you use he/him and are transitioning. So it seems like you're in a very special and important time in your life. Don't tie yourself down to any word right now. Just let yourself be and do what feels right. The right label will come naturally as you come into your own. Don't hold onto a pass label. Just relax and take time to figure it all out.

4. Unfortunately he/him lesbians are not all trans folks in a gray area of things. I've seen several instances of cis men using it to invade lesbians spaces. And I've seen time and time again people defending these men because "they relate to the word lesbian more then the word straight." And I really hope I don't have to explain why this is a bad thing. Lesbians have enough to deal with without cis men trying to come in.

Cuz again. Relating to a community is not the same as being apart of it.

5. In the same vein. Not being uncomfortable is also not the same as being apart of a group either. I'm not uncomfortable with people calling me gay, even though I'm very much straight. Just like your friend jokingly calling you a dick when you eat the last piece of pizza doesn't actually make you a dick. You aren't uncomfortable with them calling you that. But you're still not a dick. I'm not gay. That's not a label that falls under who I am. I'm not uncomfortable with it either. Can you see how these two things aren't the same?? Does that make sense?

I think it's dangerous ground to say that not being uncomfortable with a word being used to describe you means you are that word. I used to not be uncomfortable with my friend joking that I wasn't a good person. Until years later I realized my confidence was shot partly because I kept hearing her say I wasn't a good person over and over again. I wasn't uncomfortable with it, but that doesn't mean that's who I actually was.

Not being uncomfortable also isn't the same as being actually comfortable.

6. Its very common for people to NOT be comfortable with their sexuality. Like... Super common. Internalized homophobia is a thing for a reason. The same can go for gender. There are many women I've met who hate being a women, but not because they're trans. But because of society and how they are treated. It takes time to come to terms with sexuality and gender. It takes time to be comfortable with the word that describes you best.

Your comfort isn't what determines your label.

That's why it's so important to just be yourself. Let yourself have fun, relax, do what feels right for you. Work on making yourself happy. Having the type of body that you want, having the type of friends around you that you'd like, having the kinda hobbies that you find enjoyable. Learn what makes you happy and strive for it, even if it means moving away from what you always thought you had to or wanted to be before. Be yourself and enjoy yourself. Once you do that the right word will just fall into place. And you'll find yourself a lot more comfortable with it now that you're more comfortable with yourself.

I hope that helps a bit with how I feel on the topic. Feel free to ask any clarification questions. And I apologize now for how long this is. I'm not gonna proof read so hopefully there's no too many mistakes.

Thanks tho. Have a good one.

[dervampireprince]

ASMR | OC - Satin x Listener SFW Accidentally Summoning a Femboy Incubus [TM4M]

[TM4M/TM/NB] [Femboy incubus] [English accent] [First meeting] [Flirting] [Lots of flirting] [Sexual flirting] [Hugs] [Comfort] [Pet names] [Brief mention of transphobia and incibus getting misgendered] [Discussion of aroace spectrum, listener can be seen as demisexual and/or demiromantic] [Discussions of gender identity and sexuality]

So this was meant to be a fun quick introduction... and then I stopped  talking and it had been almost an hour. There's a little talk in here of  gender identity and sexuality in this video and if that makes you  uncomfortable... well my channel probably isn't for you. I'm trans, a  lot of my ocs are trans, that's just how it is around these parts. While  all my ocs are going to exist in the same universe, this listener  character is not the same listener character as Ambrose and Arden's  listener. The reason for the gendered listener tag is Satin is achillean  and for him that means he's only or mostly attracted to men and masc  non-binary people and the listener character for this audio is implied  to be male (Satin asks you to accompany them into the men's changing  room, but also refers to you being nervous to leave whether the listener  is cis or trans open to interpretation). Also Satin is trans and a  femboy, he is not called a femboy because he is trans, he just likes the  term. Don't call anyone a femboy without knowing if they like using the  term as it can definitely feel misgendering to trans men, I've  experienced that myself and do not like being called a femboy  personally. Only use the term for boys and non-binary people who like  using the term, whether they're cis or trans, don't use it to refer to  trans women as it has been used against trans women as a derogatory  word.

Also, video layouts/thumbnails are changing! I've been planning this for  a while. Instead of the circles with a pre-existing image of the  character (or drawing of my own when it's an original character, or  photograph when it's non-character specific) all videos will now have a  large picture which will be a drawing done by myself! If anyone wants to  see more of my art I post that under the name 'emptymasks', have an  Etsy shop and my art commissions have just opened for the first time.

Custom audio commissions are open! Full spicy audios on soundgasm and Patreon. Downloadable versions, exclusive  spicy audios and Discord on Patreon. I also stream on Twitch 3 times a week @ dervampireprince . [minors + ageless blogs dni. this blog is for 18+ only.] [do not repost/reupload/edit my audios/videos]