#like. i am not doing this to be fruity i am just fucking existing and dont feel like contorting my behavior

[gamingdotcom]

idk maybe im crazy for this take but i dont necessarily want to be visibly trans. im private-- what i am is my business. my gender and my relationship to gender is not for or about you. its not about passing as much as this is my experience and mine alone. stop making assumptions about what you see you dont know me

[bootleg-nessie]

Rating band names based on their accuracy:

(I keep updating this list so check back later)

The Beatles: 3/10. None of these people are beetles, they’re just a bunch of fruity guys from Liverpool with matching haircuts

(Edit: changed from 0/10 to 3/10 because John Lennon beat his wife)

Pink Floyd: 4/10. There is not a single person named Floyd in the band, but some of the members do arguably look kinda pink

Nirvana: 10/10. Getting high and listening to Nirvana is roughly what I imagine actual nirvana to be like

Foo Fighters: either 0/10 or 10/10. I have never seen foo in real life so either they’re pretending to fight a problem that doesn’t exist or they’re doing an absolutely fantastic job of fighting it

The Eagles: 0/10. Same as the Beatles, there is not a single eagle in this band. The name is misleading and we have all been lied to

Queen: 6/10. Partial points for Freddie Mercury

Led Zeppelin: 0/10. I don’t think any of these guys have ever even seen a zeppelin, let alone one made of lead. A lead balloon would crash faster than my hopes and dreams

The Rolling Stones: 3/10. There is not a single stone in this band. Some points added because I’m pretty sure they rolled quite a few

U2: 0/10. Despite what the name says, I am not a member of this band

Metallica: 9/10. Naming a metal band “Metallica” is like naming your dog “doggy”

Red Hot Chili Peppers: 2/10. These guys are not chili peppers. They’re not even that hot, let alone red hot

Guns N’ Roses: 0/10. How the fuck could a gun or a flower play music

Backstreet Boys: ?/10. Depends entirely on their current given location

Simon and Garfunkel: 10/10. No notes

The Doors: 1/10. Jim Morrison is kinda shaped like a door tho

Chicago: 4/10. The number of people in this band does not come even remotely close to the population of Chicago. Points added because it originated in Chicago

Earth, wind, and fire: 2/10. This is even more innacurate than Chicago. Points added because wind instruments were often used

Def Leppard: 3/10. There is not a single leopard in this band. Some of the members are probably kinda deaf by now tho

The Beach Boys: ?/10. Accuracy depends entirely on location

The Black Eyed Peas: 6/10. Not sure what the hell an ‘eyed pea’ is but the black part is pretty accurate

Imagine Dragons: ?/10. Depends entirely on whether or not they’re thinking about dragons.

Cage the Elephant: 1/10. Why would you do that. Let the elephant go

Green Day: 0/10. They’re not even green

The Police: 0/10. There is not a single cop in this band

KISS: 5/10. I’m sure they probably kissed sometimes

The Monkees: 0/10. Are you fucking kidding me

We Butter the Bread with Butter: 8/10. I can’t verify this but I have no reason to suspect that they’d lie. Butter seems like the most logical thing to butter bread with

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard: 0/10. I got really excited about the concept of a lizard wizard only to be let down. My disappointment is immeasurable

They Might Be Giants: 5/10. I googled everyone in this band’s height, the tallest guy’s only 6’1 so I wouldn’t exactly consider him a giant. Then again, I can’t really argue because the claim was only that they MIGHT be giants

The Presidents of the United States of America: 2/10. None of these people are Joe Biden nor are any of them former presidents. This is incredibly misleading. I’m pretty sure “Lump” was written about my first girlfriend tho so I’ll give them a point or two

Gorillaz: 2/10 Not quite but we’re kinda close genetically so I’ll give them partial credit

The Killers: ?/10. I have no way of verifying if they’ve actually killed before but the fact that they’re not in prison tells me probably not

The Offspring: 10/10. These guys are definitely somebody’s offspring

Arctic Monkeys: 1/10. They are neither monkeys nor are they from the arctic

Thirty Seconds to Mars: 1/10. It takes WAY longer to get to mars than that

Beastie Boys: 8/10. They’re pretty beast on the guitar

Jimmy Eat World: 1/10. Slow the fuck down Jimmy, you’re biting off way more than you can chew

Hole: 9/10. One point deducted because I’m pretty sure they had more than one hole

Rage Against the Machine: 10/10. They did exactly that

Alice In Chains: 0/10. This is illegal. Let Alice go

The Band: 10/10. This could not possibly be more accurate

Nine Inch Nails: 1/10. I can’t find any good pictures of their feet but from what I can tell their fingernails definitely aren’t nine inches long

Bush: ?/10. Not quite sure about this one, felt uncomfortable asking

The Who: 2/10. I’m not dealing with this “Who’s On First” bullshit

Radiohead: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a radio for a head

Queens of the Stone Age: 0/10. This band should be called “five random dudes from the modern era” but FRDFTMA is a bit of a mouthful

Soundgarden: 2/10. Sound does not grow in the garden

Sonic Youth: 5/10. They’re not exactly youth anymore but the sonic part checks out

Talking heads: 8/10. There’s more to the band than just a bunch of disembodied heads but the heads do tend to talk

The Cranberries: 0/10. Decent music but I only added them so that the Beatles and Freddie Mercury weren’t the only fruits on this list

The Wiggles: 8/10. They do tend to wiggle a lot

Blue Man Group: 10/10. Yep!

Weezer: 5/10. They all look like they definitely have asthma

Limp Bizkit: 3/10. While the visual image of baked goods playing the guitar is hilarious, Fred durst is not a biscuit. Points added because he probably has erectile dysfunction

Stone Temple Pilots: 0/10. None of these people are accredited as being licensed to pilot anything, much less an entire stone temple. Stone temples don’t need pilots anyways

Wasted Youth: 8/10. I guess it really kinda depends on how you frame it but yeah, they probably wasted a lot of it

Them Crooked Vultures: 3/10. These are people and not birds but Dave Grohl’s posture is kinda bad and John Paul Jones is so old that his neck kinda looks like a vulture’s so I added some points

Audioslave: 0/10. Slavery is illegal

Traveling Wilburys: 4/10. Sure, they traveled a lot but not a single one of those lying bastards was named Wilbury

D12: 6/12. There were only 6 people in this band

NWA: 10/10. I’m a little too white to safely comment on this one but I’d say they nailed it

Jet: 1/10. A real jet would be way too loud

Goldfinger: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a finger made out of gold

No Doubt: ?/10. I can’t really be too sure how Gwen Stefani felt but I think it’s probably a safe assumption that she had some doubts

The White Stripes: 3/10. I bet if you stripped them down naked and made them stand shoulder to shoulder and squinted really hard they’d probably look more like white stripes

Screaming trees: 3/10. They scream occasionally

Garbage: 2/10. I think they’re being a little harsh on themselves, their music isn’t THAT bad

Butthole Surfers: 5/10. Not even gonna touch this one

Megadeth: 3/10. To be fair, some of the former members are dead but only a little amount of death, not mega death

Dead Kennedys: 2/10. Last I checked Kennedy was still dead but neither he nor his clones are members of this band

Cake: 0/10. The cake is a lie

Cracker: 8/10. Most of them are

Tool: 7/10. I don’t know much about their music but they sure look like tools

Counting Crows: ?/10. Is this what emo kids do instead of counting sheep? Accuracy depends on whatever bird they happen to be counting at the moment

Dave Matthews Band: 10/10. It certainly is

Oasis: 1/10. Their music is the opposite of an oasis

Blur: 2/10. They are not that fast

Barenaked Ladies: 0/10. If I wanted to be this disappointed I’d reestablish a connection with my biological father instead

Meat Puppets: 10/10. Technically, aren’t we all?

Live: 8/10. Apparently they still do live shows but I deducted some points because I’ve only ever heard their music on Spotify

ABBA: 9/10. I’m still not giving any points to Guns N’ Roses but that’s mostly out of spite

5 Finger Death Punch: 8/10 I guess it probably depends on how hard you hit them but this seems to be the usual amount of fingers to punch somebody with

All American Rejects: 9/10. They’re all rejects from America so I don’t really see any issue with this

T. Rex: 0/10. Even if any of these people WAS a T. Rex I don’t think their arms would be long enough to play their instruments

Free: 0/10. Unless you steal their music, in which case it becomes a 10/10

The Strokes: 3/10. To my knowledge, none of them have had a stroke but I still added a few points because the name was probably accurate for other reasons

The Smashing Pumpkins ?/10. Another thing I have no way of verifying but this seems like a waste of perfectly good pumpkins

Therapy?: ?/10. The hell are they asking me for? I don’t know their medical history

Twenty One Pilots. 0/10. There’s only two of them and neither is a licensed pilot

Finger Eleven: 0/10. Leave the poor Stranger Things girl out of this

Fall Out Boy: 9/10. I conferred with an expert on this one who confirmed that they are in fact boys who had a falling out

Cream: 8/10. Considering this was the OG supergroup I’m sure a lot of people did in fact cream when their music came out

Edit: humans aren’t fucking monkeys. Stop saying we are

[neverinadream]

Let Them Hear You, Princess

Summary: Seeing your ex-boyfriend leaves you itching to do something that could potentially get you and Nico kicked out of the bar.

Pairing: Nico Hischer x Fem!Reader

Requested: Nope

Song Inspo: When You Need A Man - The Driver Era

Warnings: 18+, minors dni, smut, nsfw, fwb!nico, mentions of an ex-boyfriend, dom!nico x sub!reader, hints of a brat!reader but not really, bathroom sex, pet names (baby, princess, good girl...), praise, some hair pulling, handjob, oral (male & female receiving), fingering, nico gets a little possessive, not edited

Notes: uh...hi! once again, i am writing for someone new. to my existing followers who don't follow the nhl you don't have to read this, it's okay to skip this one. some parts of this is a little off with the phrasing, at least to me they are, so just try to ignore it, and yes, the ending might feel a little rushed or unfinished but i was losing focus so...yeah, enjoy whores 🫶🏻 feedback is always appreciated

"And I'm finally back," Nico slides the drink across the table, the red and white striped straw taking centre stage in the glass, "only took me nineteen hours." He rakes his fingers through his hair as he slides into the booth, tucking a few strands behind his ear. "Next time," he hooks his arm around your shoulders, "you can go up to the bar."

You scoop up your glass, your lipstick-stained lips wrapping innocently around the straw, but the act momentarily draws in his gaze, his tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip.

"And what makes you think I'll get served any quicker than you?" You take a quick sip, the taste of vodka mixed into the fruity concoction burning the back of your throat. "The place is packed."

You look out to the rest of the bar, your usual spot for a night out overcrowded with others who were looking to knock back a few drinks. No one could move without accidentally tripping over someone's foot, or bumping elbows with another. At a pool table, you spot his teammate gaining the attention of a small brunette.

"Timo has a better chance of getting her number than I do getting served at that bar."

The corners of his mouth pull up into a grin. "I don't know," he sets his drink down, condensation already forming on the outside of the bottle, "I think you'd get served pretty quickly."

You pull the straw to the corner of your mouth, matching his grin. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he shuffles closer, the rough texture of his denim jeans brushing against your bare leg. He dips his eyes, watching you adjust your skirt, a small comment about wishing you had worn something else filling his ears. "There's nothing wrong with what you're wearing," he reassures you, liking the way the dress hugged your body, "it would definitely catch the eye of a bartender." He tilts his head, letting his gaze wash over your body, absently licking his lips. "Perhaps even get you served quicker at a crowded bar," he trails off.

You rolled your eyes and take another sip, hoping the coldness of your drink might cool the heat that rocketed up your neck as you swallowed it down. "You're not even-" You fall silent, your skin growing cold when your eyes land on someone you had hoped not to see tonight.

Nico chuckles, going for his beer. "Not what, cutie?"

"Connor's here," you whisper, caging your drink closer to your chest.

He sighs. "I know." Your eyes snap to him. "I saw him when I was at the bar, okay," he explains, pulling his arm from around you, dropping his hand to give your knee a soft squeeze, "he tried to talk to me, so I told him to fuck off."

"Nico-"

"The guy's a dick, Y/N," he cuts you off, bringing his hand higher up your leg. Your gaze is dragged down to the hand that burned your thigh, the roughness of his calloused hands leaving behind a dull ache. "And it's not like we were ever buddies when you were together." Your eyes snap back up when he takes his hand away. "Come on," he suggests, nodding over to a few of his teammates, "let's go have some fun."

Your eyes drop to your lap. "I don't know," you mumble, shrugging. Seeing Conor had left you with a sour taste and a desire to hide. "I think I wanna go home."

Nico slides the bottle over the edge, swallowing the sigh that wants to escape. "Look at me," he cups your face, tilting your head back, smiling when your eyes finally reach him, whispering, "Hi." You try to match his smile but it's weak. "Don't let him ruin your night, okay?"

"That's easy for you to say," you chew your bottom lip.

"Maybe," he brings his thumb against your bottom lip, gently prying it from between your teeth, "but you're my friend and I like you better when you're smiling."

You perk your eyebrows. "I thought you liked me better when I'm on my knees?"

"That too," he agrees, a chuckle ripping through his chest.

Sitting back, he reaches for his beer, catching the attention of your ex as he tips his head back and takes a long sip. Connor's eyes flickered back and forth between you and Nico, a scowl pinching at the corners of his mouth when Nico wrapped his arm over your shoulders. He quirks his eyebrow, his own lips curling into a smirk, like he was silently saying you lost.

"You know what," Nico swings his head in your direction, "let's get out of here."

"You sure?"

Nico nods. "Timo looks like he'll be leaving soon," he takes another sip, "and I'm sure the others won't mind us leaving early."

He slides out the booth, grabbing his jacket off the seat, but you stay seated. He glances back over his shoulder, turning quickly on his heels when you hadn't followed him. "I thought you wanted to stay and have some fun?" You ask, crossing your arms over your chest, the action subtly spilling the tops of your boobs over your dress.

He lifts his foot up onto the booth step, his hand reaching out to rest on the seat. "And I thought you wanted to leave?" He fires back, matching your tone. He looks into your eyes like he was trying to bore his way into your brain. To find the thing that had made you change your mind. "You know, since Connor is here?"

"And then I'll get home and just feel stupid for letting him get to me," you tell him, reaching for your glass, draining the rest of your drink at an impressive speed. Setting the glass down, your eyes flick to the bar where Connor crowded the end with his usual group of slimy friends. One look at him had you remembering the cold way he had broken things off with you. It made you angry. Angry enough to do something worthy of getting you and Nico potentially kicked out of the bar. "I want to piss him off."

Nico doesn't stop the smile that stretches across his face. "That's my girl," he cheers, putting his jacket back on the seats, like he was staking a claim on the booth. He wasn't going to miss a chance to help you. "What you got in mind?"

You shuffle out of the booth, Nico moving back to leave you enough space to step out. "Come here." You beckon him closer with your finger, excitement thrilling your body as he steps towards you, his large hands moulding to the shape of your hips. He lowers his mouth but you place your finger against his lips, barring him from the pleasure of kissing you. "I want you to fuck me, Nico," you whisper, sliding your hand down his broad chest, stopping just above the waistband of his jeans, "I want him to hear me scream your name as you make me come."

A lump the size of New Jersey lodges itself inside his throat, but he swallows it down, grinning as you hook your finger under his chin and pull him in for a kiss. He groans, tasting the fruitiness of the cocktail you had been drinking, fisting his fingers into your hair and pulling your head back to deepen the kiss. He sucks on your tongue, his cock growing hard from your taste, and he nips at your bottom lip as he pulls away.

"Does he look pissed?" He asks into your ear, lining your jaw with quick kisses.

"Like he could throw a chair," you reply, biting your bottom lip and whimpering as Nico sucks on your neck.

"Good," he pulls back to look at you, "now let's go really piss him off."

Nico pulls you quickly into the bathroom, his hand blindly searching behind him until he hears something click.

"The door-"

"Already locked," Nico cuts you off, wrapping his arms firmly around your waist, and burying his face into your neck. The smell of your perfume was intoxicating, leaving his cock at half-mast and twitching in his jeans. "I don't want anyone disturbing us," he adds, kissing and nipping at your skin, making his way up the column of your throat. You feel his smug grin pressing into the side of your neck. "I bet he's just counting down the minutes until we come back."

His calloused thumb presses against your mouth and he watches it open with little resistance, doing nothing to stop the memories of you taking his cock, your lips stretched around his girth, from flashing behind his eyes.

You flick your tongue over the pad of his thumb, grinning when he responds with a low groan. "Whatcha thinking about?" You giggle, looking up to meet his eyes.

"You," he simply answers, "on your knees."

You wiggle out of his arms, sinking to your knees before him. "Like this?" You encourage his fantasy, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling the zipper down. He nods, tucking his hair back and rutting his hips as you pull his jeans down just low enough to untuck him. "So fucking pretty," you whimper, wrapping your hand around the base and flicking your tongue over the crown of his cock.

He snorts. "Did you just call it pretty?"

"You call my pussy pretty, don't you?" You ask, spitting onto his head and pumping it up and down in languid strokes.

"Because it is, princess."

"Exactly!"

"Oh, fuck-!" You lower your mouth onto him, Nico tipping his head back as your warmth surrounds his tip. His precum sits on your tongue, a moan rattling along his shaft, and pulsating his balls. "Yeah, that's it." He feels your tongue run along the underside, licking along the sensitive strip, and swirl around his tip. "Don't be a tease-," he props his hand on the back of your head and nudges his hips forward, encouraging you to take more, "-and pretend like you can't take any more."

"Perhaps I need a little assistance," you goad, pulling off him with a pop and breaking a string of spit with your tongue. His cock slides in and out of your closed fist lubricated, albeit messily, with your spit. "Fuck my throat, baby," you whisper, before lazily kissing his tip.

"Up," he gives the one-worded demand, ignoring your protest as he hoists you to your feet.

You watch with disappointment hanging in your eyes as he tucks himself away, your feet stumbling back until you feel the counter pressed against you. "No fair," you mumble, grabbing a handful of his shirt, tugging him forwards, "I was having fun."

"You were being a brat," he disagrees, curling his hand around your neck and licking at the seem of your mouth, before crashing his lips against it. You willingly part your lips and let his tongue in, swallowing up his groans as you rub him through his jeans. "Stop it," he grumbles against you, grabbing your wrist and pinning it at your side.

You trail your mouth lazily down his neck, dragging your teeth over his Adam's apple. "Let me have my fun," you beg, sucking hard on the bottom of his neck.

"Oh, you'll have your fun, princess."

He lifts you onto the counter, the top cold against you, making you shiver. He bunches the end of your dress around your waist and pulls your panties to the side, chuckling like he knew you'd be soaked from sucking his cock. Another shiver licks up your spine as he runs his fingers gingerly against you, rubbing your clit in slow circles.

Taking two fingers, he pops them into his mouth and groans, tasting you as he sucks them clean.

"You'll have your fun coming for me," he insists, hooking his fingers under your panties, tearing them down as he sinks to his knees. He tucks them into his pocket and looks up at you with a grin. "And I want you to be loud," he lifts one leg over his shoulder, grazing his mouth along the inner of your thigh, "I want to make sure that pathetic excuse for an ex hears you."

A noise somewhere between a moan and a strangled gargling sound rockets up your throat as Nico latches his mouth around your pussy. Your fingers, itching to grab onto anything, fist their way into his hair, the soft strands slipping through them like strands of fine silk, and tug at them every time he does something you like. You moan his name loud and proudly, the excitement and the rush of your ex hearing you floods you with more arousal.

He switches between long, languid flicks of his tongue, the kind that teases out your desperate whimpers for more, licking you from bottom to top and sucking on your clit until you nearly squirm off the counter. "God-!" You tip your head back and tug on his hair. "I don't think I'll ever get used to this."

He grunts in agreement, licking his lips as pulls away, liking the way the taste of you coats every inch of his mouth. His hand slides up your thigh and teases your clit with his thumb. "He never treated you like this, did he?" He spreads you apart with his fingers, drool pooling in his mouth from how pretty you looked. "Couldn't fuck you the way a princess deserves to be fucked." He dips his head and flicks his tongue back and forth over your clit. "That's okay," he mumbles against you, "you've got me now."

You whimper, feeling the tip of his finger nudge against you. "Please," you nod, moaning and biting your lip, feeling your pussy clench around nothing when you look down to see him already staring up at you. He retracts his finger, earning himself a unhappy scowl. "Nico-"

"Louder," he cuts in, silencing your protest, "make sure he hears you." He rises to his feet, wiping his mouth and chin with his hand, before pressing it against the mirror, forcing you to lean back as he towers over you. "Let 'em all hear you," he corrects himself, possessiveness lacing his tone, "make sure every fucker who has looked at you tonight hears you beg for it." It was Nico's idea for you both to have a casual arrangement - someone to have a bit of fun with without the commitment that came with a relationship - but he sure hated the way this dress made people stare at you. You were his, not theirs. He was the one making you come most nights, not them. "Let 'em all know who you belong to."

"Nico-"

"Louder!"

You guide his hand between your thighs, bringing his fingers against your cunt, teasing your hole that was desperate for any attention. "Please," you whimper, bucking your hips, trying to push onto his fingers. He grunts but doesn't oblige. "Nico!" You whine, dragging his name out. It only earns you another chuckle. "Stop teasing me!"

He crashes his mouth down against yours, swallowing your moans as he finally pushes his finger inside. "Nice and warm for me," he mumbles, his tongue splitting your mouth open, tangling with your own. Little whimpers fill the bathroom as you taste yourself, the corners of his lips twitching upwards into half-smile. "Taste good, don't you, baby?"

You nod, raking your fingers through his hair and dragging his mouth back down for a second taste.

He withdraws his finger and adds a second, feeling you stretch to fit the girth of both. "So fucking tight," he breathes against you, pinching your bottom lip between his teeth.

"I guess you're just gonna have to stretch me out," you reply, sneaking your hand down the front of his jeans.

"Who knew a pretty mouth could say such filthy things?"

"It's all your doing," you giggle, kissing the underside of his stubbled jaw, "I was all sweet and innocent until you came along." He moans as you grab and untuck his cock, dipping to kiss down your neck to hide the pink flush of his cheeks. It sits thick and heavy inside your palm, the tip red and sensitive, dripping more pre-cum. You squeeze the head, feeling his hips rut up to find more friction, and run your thumb gingerly through the pearly beads. "You corrupted me."

"Corrupted?" He brings his thumb down against your clit, brushing it in circles, working it in tandem with his fingers. "No, baby," he tuts, resting his mouth against the shell of your ear. His breath on your skin makes you shiver, your cunt clenching hard around his fingers. "I cured your blindness, allowed you to see just how good sex could truly be."

You snort. "I never said the sex with him was bad." It was.

"You didn't need to," Nico says, withdrawing his fingers and sucking them clean. Just as you were about to whine, he dips, sinking onto one knee, and latches his mouth around your clit, sucking the nub between his lips. "God, I'll never get over how good you taste," he moans around you. Hooking his hands under your bum, he presses you firmly against his mouth, drilling his tongue deep inside. "That's it," he mumbles as you loudly for him, "atta girl! Let 'em hear you."

Reaching for him, you hold onto the back of his head, your fingers curling through his hair, keeping you upright as you rock your hips. "Jesus, Nico!" You moan his name, falling into the same rhythm as his tongue laps against your cunt. His nose bumps against your clit and your body jerks. "Fuck-!" You breathe out, the knot in your stomach tightening - you were so close to coming. "Don't stop!"

"Gonna come for me?" He peeks up at you, grinning into you as you dig your nails into his head, holding him still as you buck your hips wildly against him. "Yeah?" He chuckles, the vibrations rushing through you. "You are? Come on, princess, use your words."

"Yes, Nico!" Your face flushes with a searing heat as you cry out. "Fuck-! I'm coming!"

A light laugh emits from the back of his throat, drowned out by your loud cries. "That's it, buck into my face," he drags his tongue over your cunt, "give it to me - all of it; make a fucking mess." He pushes his tongue deeper inside, feeling a rush of warmth gush over him, and circles his arm around your thigh to brush his thumb over your clit. "That's it," he encourages, rubbing your clit in fast circles, trying to hold you in place as you thrash about, "good girl, so fucking good for me!"

Your body withers and shakes, hips trying to jerk away from his mouth as he brings you down from your high.

"I definitely think he heard you," Nico says, withdrawing himself from between your thighs, his mouth wet and his hair a complete mess. He rakes his hand over his hair, quickly fixing it. "I hope he did," he murmurs, hooking his fingers under your chin and drawing you close. The kiss is short and he pulls away licking his lips. "Come on, let's get out of here," he mumbles, fixing his jeans and helping you back onto your feet, "I'm not finished with you yet."

NHL Taglist: @thoseboysinblue @chilwellspulisic @lovelynikol16 @love4lando

[gatorbites-imagines]

The Hobie brown x male reader fics are non existent and it’s so confusing. Like he’s so fruity????

Sooooo- could u do hc’s for Hobie please? :0 either smut fluff or both! <3

Thank u <3

Hobie Brown nsfw alphabet

Have an alphabet :)

I am 100% blaming @trianglesimp for some of these headcanons, cuz oh boy. They got some of that toe curling content.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Hobie would of course do aftercare if he ever topped, but he bottoms most of the time, so you’re the one who’s gotta take care of him instead. He doesn’t need too much, maybe a wet wipe to get some of the spit and cum off his face, if he’s feeling it, and you checking in on him, but other than that your good.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite part about himself is probably his legs or his lips, on you its your dick, or your hands and shoulders.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Hobie nasty, but in the good way. He doesn’t care where you cum, as long as its on him or in him, or both. The type to gargle your cum if you bust in his mouth, just because. Or sticks his tongue out and lets it drip all over the floor or your lap.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I cant see Hobie as the kind to have a dirty secret, why keep it a secret when he could tell you and have you do it to him, you know? Dirtiest secret is that he collects Pokemon cards or something like that, wont admit he likes it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Pretty damn experienced, isn’t the kind to beat around the bush and has had his handful of one night stands or short relationships. The kind to try things out if they sound interesting, and keep doing them if he likes them.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Likes anything really. But if you are a fellow spiderman, you guys fuck on the ceiling more than either of you like to admit. Likes to be pushed up against the wall chest first, or for you to fuck his face.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Never takes anything too seriously. Would pick up a phone call if his phone rang. Takes you out of his mouth to answer his watch from the spider alliance, see what they want, and take you back into his mouth after, or even during the call if it’s boring.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Doesn’t put too much effort into it, sure he still wants to look good but doesn’t put too many hours into it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

In the beginning of your relationship, I can’t see him as too romantic, but after a while and you two really do fall in love, he has his moments where he just wants to make love or babbles about how much he loves you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Doesn’t jerk off a whole lot. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a high libido, because he does, but he just goes to you if he needs to get off. Why do it himself when hes got you around to help him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Voyeurism.

Marking (Hickeys, spit, cum, knifeplay, etc)

Choking

Makeup stains (like making him suck you off when hes wearing lipstick, runny mascara, etc)

Powerplay

Praise kink

Degradation kink

Taking photos and videos

Semi public or even fully public

Collars or wearing a lock on a chain

Wearing a plug or different toys after you’ve filled him

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere, anytime. He does not care, as long as there’s enough space for you guys to fit.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Not too hard to get Hobie going tbh. Just look at him right, grab his thigh or put your hand in his back pockets. Send him a text to meet you in the bathrooms, or just motion towards it. He isn’t picky.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I like to think he would try out most things, but something he would never do is things like raceplay, or finance play. Why would he want to bring something like capitalism into the bedroom.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Prefers giving, but has nothing against receiving. Just likes going down on you even more than he likes when you do it on him. Has no gag reflex, or has very little of a gag reflex, so he can easily take all of you and just let you warm on his tongue if need be.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You guys’ pace tends to be pretty fast, mainly because you’re both worked up and don’t have the patience for going slow. Of course, you guys have moments where you take it slowly and full of love, but for the most part its quick and dirty.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

All for quickies, Hobie loves them. You don’t even have to ask for the most part.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

I like to think Hobie is the type to try out most things once to see if its anything he likes, so he’d be up to try anything you bring to the table, as long as you’ll try anything he brings in too.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Because of the spider bite he’s got incredible stamina, and there’s no way for you to keep up unless you were bitten too or have powers of your own. Could go all night and all morning if he wanted too, and still go out for patrol, if that says anything.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Owns a handful of toys, but for the most part its toys you guys can use together, or you can use on him. Hed rather just wait for you to get home to get off, instead of using toys.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A big tease, loves to tease you and wear the clothes he knows you love, or rub up against you when you guys are supposed to just be hanging out. You give as good as you get though, which Hobie loves too.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Mans is loud and isn’t scared of being vocal. Its lead to you having to clamp a hand over his mouth as you fuck him, which just makes Hobie even louder, it’s a horrible cycle.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Knows how to sew, knit, anything really. Uses it to patch up his battle vest, or other clothes of his or yours. Why go out and get new stuff when he can just fix it himself. Knows how to make a pretty amazing orange cake for some reason.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Above average in length, but isn’t too thick, a nice size that needs a bit of work to get ready for, and you might be intimidated the first time you see it if you wanna take it in your mouth. A few veins. Cut.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Has a pretty high drive, and unless you are a spider person too it can be a little hard to keep up most days. But if you are exhausted, he will take care of himself if he has too.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Id you guys are in your bedroom he’d fall asleep pretty quickly after, as long as you are in the bed with him. But if its anywhere else he just walks it off like nothing happened.

[adora-but-ginger]

(Not So) Champagne Problems

pairing: miguel o'hara x gn!reader

summary: he had infuriated you, and you deserved a drink.

word count: 3.2(ish)

warnings: drinking, reader being at a bar, intoxication, drunk!reader, swearing, a stabbing and an injury, angst but also fluff don't you worry, a little bit of klepto tendencies, no y/n used, mentions of death?, brief talk of a lack of self-care, miguel having feeeeelings

a/n: it's one am and i crunched this out in two days so no beta we die like men (gender neutral). also since i don't speak spanish i used spanishdict.com, but if i messed anything up please let me know and i will fix it!

masterlist

one more thing! don't repost my stories, otherwise i can sense a real nasty cold coming your way that will last just long enough that it becomes annoying, and when you think it's gone it will come back for another week. don't be like that, you don't want that, do you?

thank you for reading! -ella

credit to gif owner!

By now, the sun had long set, and your vision was a little blurry.

You had to have been on what, four? Five drinks? And were surely going to be cut off if you asked for another. But you fucking deserved these drinks, after what Miguel had put you through. He had the nerve to bench you after you saved his life.

The only other thing he had was the audacity.

As you placed the remnants of the fruity drink back down on the bar, your mind swirled with what had gone down earlier that day.

"Where's our anomaly at?" You heard Peter B shout from behind you, a giggling mayday in the baby carrier attached to his front.

"I'm rounding on them now, Miguel do you see them from up top?" How Jess could speak into her comms without the wind from her bike getting picked up was beyond you. You were swinging through a train tunnel of this particular universe, tasked with trying to catch the anomaly alongside Peter B from below. Jess took the road route, and Miguel took the birds eye--there was no way this villain of the week had a shot at escaping.

"Yeah Jess, eyes on them now. Heading down."

Woof. Miguel got on your nerves more than you'd like to admit, but man did his voice send a shiver down your spine.

"We're existing the tunnel now, eyes on them." You answered for Peter and you, checking back to make sure he was still good before the light of the day enveloped your vision.

One thing led to another, and soon enough you saw what was going to happen before you could warn him. There was the anomaly, fighting Miguel, who stood with his claws out and fangs bared. This anomaly could phase between states of solid and liquid, and just as Miguel was about to paralyze them, they switched states, forming back to solid right behind him.

And sure, maybe you had a certain lack of self-preservation that made the team a little concerned, but you had lost enough in your life to get to that point. So that's why when you moved to block the anomaly's strike from Miguel instead allowing the hit to come to you, you didn't think much of it. In fact, you'd gotten your hopes up thinking that he might even be grateful.

But no, he was most certainly not. The anomaly was quickly taken down afterwards, the familiar glow of Miguel's red eyes painting your vision every now and then as the job finished up. The anomaly had stabbed you, not in anywhere too concerning, but it still hurt.

From there it was a bit of a blur, with images of the portal and the team and Miguel running through your mind, until you were in the infirmary with stitches in your shoulder and the tall brooding man towering over you with his arms crossed.

"You were stupid." He had said in the infirmary.

"A thank you would have been nice. My shoulder is the same height as your heart, and the anomaly had a perfect shot." You had scoffed at him, and his face had flashed with a look mixed between anger and something you couldn't quite place.

"And what if they missed and had gotten your neck instead? In no universe do I want to deal with you dying, especially right in front of me, for me." His tone had developed a softer edge toward the tail end of the sentence, his jaw clenching. He hated the vulnerability, and you saw right through him.

You weren't too sure what you and him were, in terms of a label. Sure, you'd been one of the first spider-people to be recruited into his (not so) little boy band, and sure you had seen glimpses of him that no other spider-person had seen, but the latter had only been done late after hours between shared cups of tea or as he laid in bed falling asleep holding you. But then again, he always had that stoic look to him otherwise, with his mountain of an ego and his asshole-like behavior.

It was complicated with him.

"Plus, I would have to deal with mess of your death." There it was.

You rolled your eyes and stood to get up, him walking to your side to help you maintain balance from the pain of your cells rapidly healing.

"For the next few missions, I want you back with Lyla."

You turned to him then with anger washing over you. "You're benching me?"

"Yes, until you can prove you're not going to do something as reckless as that again."

And then the argument broke out, and he fought you on your recklessness and its consequences. Well, fuck him then.

He never took the time to think about what would happen if the anomaly did strike him, heightened healing abilities or not. It's hard to heal from an impaling of the heart. And he refused to listen to anything you said to justify your actions.

He was so bullheaded and strict, and you were tired of it, tired of him. If he wanted to bench you? Fine. But he could kiss those late nights goodbye, no matter how much you craved his sweatpants and t-shirt look, with his fluffy, soft hair, his so broad shoulders, the fangs, oh the fangs, and his a-- enough.

Snap yourself out of it. You cursed to yourself and flagged the bartender down, your intoxicated state making your hand sway a little as you did so. The bartender looked over at you and shook their head, making you loll your head back in irritation.

Big mistake.

Rapidly shutting your eyes, a groan accompanied you as you felt the effects of the alcohol sink in. You had taken off your watch too which you severely regretted now, because not only were you about to glitch any minute, you needed to talk to Peter. He would know what to do, and the watch was the quickest way to contact him. But it was in your bag somewhere, and you would rather suffer the consequences than even try to look in that thing right now.

His spider senses must have been pretty accurate because not even three minutes later your phone was ringing, his name appearing on the screen.

He spoke your name into the phone upon your answering, and you chuckled as you pictured him in that pink robe, probably pacing in some rabbit slippers too. Not that there was anything wrong with that of course.

"Hey Petey B, what's up?" You tried to muster all of the shards of your soberness to sound as articulate as possible, which was not much.

"Where are you? Hobie said he saw you walk out after getting in a fight with the big guy, and we've been trying to get ahold of you for hours now!"

You snorted. "I'm fine, Peter, just..." You trailed off, the sight of a rather interesting wine bottle catching your attention.

Your name was called again, his voice reverberating through the microphone. "Hm? Hey Peter, Can I tell you a secret?" You whispered back, a giggle following the beginning of your little confession.

"Are-are you drunk?"

You scoffed and continued on disregarding what he said. "Miguel definitely doesn't want me sharing this, but he's being a big ol' mean bundle of muscles so I'm going to anyway." You looked around to make sure no one else was listening to your drunken ramble and whispered into the phone. "He'll deny it until the day he dies, but he likes being the little spoon." Another giggle followed after that, thinking of what else to tell the brown-haired father about Miguel.

"Yep, oookay you are definitely drunk, and in no universe did I want to learn that information. Where are you? Lyla--" You tuned out after that, focusing again on that wine bottle you fancied. It would make for a perfect vase, and if you could just avoid bringing attention to yourself--

"Hey! Listen, I have to get back home with mayday, but Lyla found your location and is sending for someone to pick you up, okay?" His concerned voice made you worry a little. Maybe he needed a little pick me up.

"Peter you should know that you're such a good friend, you don't need to worry silly." A hiccup accompanied your words of attempted comfort. "You don't need to have anyone come get me, I'm fine--"

That's when the pain started--your heart feeling like it was being ripped from you. The feeling surged through your body at a wicked pace then, with your nerves burning as if they were on fire. You felt like you could feel your molecules splitting apart, the pain circling through you for what felt like an eternity, when in reality it couldn't have been more than a few moments.

You hadn't glitched in a while, and you forgot how much it hurt and threw you off-balance. Add on top that you were pretty intoxicated, and you felt like your world was upside down, literally, because your vision danced, and you couldn't locate any solid surface to grab onto.

You must have dropped your phone while you glitched because it was no longer in your hand, and as your senses started to half-hazardly return, you fought to keep everything in your system. Yeah, you seriously regretted not putting the watch back on. Of course, they could still track it if it wasn't on your wrist. You should have just left it at the Spider Society. Or better, you should've just returned home.

But you needed to escape, and you weren't thinking clearly after you fought with Miguel.

Miguel. Stupid, cold, stoic Miguel. Hot, soft, sexy Miguel. Couldn't hold in his anger for the life of him and doesn't know how to properly process emotions Miguel. Sweet, aggravatingly cute, loving Miguel.

"You think I'm cute?"

The low accented voice made you whip around, your head catching up a moment after your body, making you sway. You stuck your hands out to catch yourself from falling off the chair, your arm hitting a hard surface.

Ow. Did you just say that out loud?

"Yes, you did." The same voice, unimpressed, crossed his arms.

There Miguel stood, clad in everyday clothes, jaw clenched and shoulders taught as he looked at you in your drunken state. "Come on, we're going home." He grabbed your arm from where it laid against his chest, lowering it while using his other hand to support you while you stood up. You could hear him say a string of curses in Spanish before meeting your eyes, an annoyed look reflecting from them.

"You can't just walk out of there into the city this late at night without telling anyone that you're leaving. Something bad could've happened to you."

You rolled your eyes and pushed his arm away, reaching for your bag and missing a couple times before grabbing its handle. "Oh, stop pretending you care, Mr. 'you're off duty even though I'd be dead if you hadn't stepped in'." Almost stepping on your dropped phone, you bent over to try to pick it up, nearly falling over as you did so, the world spinning. A hand lightly grabbed your waist to steady you, and you cursed at his subtle show of affection.

"You dealt with that by getting drunk?" He said as he helped you back up, placing some money on the bar. "That's extremely irresponsible."

"Tough talk coming from someone who gets his anger out by throwing desks." Why did he have to be the one to pick you up? Why couldn't it have been literally anyone else?

An annoyed huff sounded from him then, and you turned to fully face the spider. Giving him a good once over, you couldn't help but become a little flustered at how he looked. Yes, you were extremely fed up with him right now, but jeans, on that ass? Accompanied with the compression shirt he donned, well, you took a good drink of him in. Enough of that, he benched you.

"We're going home, come on." He tried to coax you from your spot again, but to no avail. You may be drunk, but you still were stubborn.

You scrunched your eyebrows and crossed your arms. "No. Not until you un-bench me."

You heard him take another deep breath, you clearly getting on his nerves, but you couldn't care less. "I took you off duty because you don't care about yourself and your well-being, and until you can prove that you're going to be safe out there, we'll find something for you to do."

He really had the nerve, huh? "Oh come on, you would have done the same for me, and you know exactly why I did why I did. Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn't have taken my place if the roles were reversed.

He hesitated a moment, deciding whether or not to indulge your drunken challenge.

"I wouldn't have."

You snorted in response, pushing his hand away from you. "Liar." The floor was still spinning, but you weren't going to show any signs of that to him. You tried to turn around and wave for another drink to be brought your way, but the bartender paid you no mind. "If you think you can come in here and be mean to me, especially after earlier, think again Miguel."

He grabbed your shoulder then, turning you towards him a second? Third time? He was always more touchy when it was just the two of you, not that you were complaining. You heard him mumble under his breath, though he never talked that loud in public settings--you figured it had something to do with his fangs. Oh, those fangs, those--

Snap out of it.

"Dios mío, mi amor (Oh my god, my love). I didn't mean it like that. You know I would have done the same, it's just that..." He trailed off, and you in turn raised your eyebrow.

If he was going to admit anything right now, whether you were drunk or not, he was going to fully say it. "Hmm?"

He had let the last part of that slip out and was thankful that you hadn't said anything about it. Once he realized the situation he was in though, he begrudgingly continued. "I tend to not think as straight when I'm around you sometimes, and it leads me to make rash decisions. I know you did it out of care."

"And?"

His stone-like facial expression finally, finally dropped, and you could take that for a win in itself. "And I'm sorry for benching you, but you have to see where I'm coming from."

And maybe you should have dropped it there, for you were able to get an apology out of Miguel, which not many people could say the same for. But your liquid confidence pushed you forward, bringing a finger to his chest. He lit this fuse, and you weren't going to let the fire go out just yet.

"If you don't let me go, I'm just going to sneak out to join a mission anyway. Leader of the Spider Society or not, you're not withholding me from something I enjoy doing." You could see the conflict on his face, but you knew you had won; after all, you were telling the truth. Either he let you go on the missions, or you were going to find a way to get on one anyways.

But this isn't how arguments got resolved, and you weren't sure he was used to someone talking back to him. Arguments were solved with compromise, so that's what you decided to do. "Okay, how about this. I'm not used to looking out for myself, but I'll try to do it more, yeah?"

He visibly relaxed at that, and maybe that was what he needed to hear all along. He knew that he was in too deep with you, and after Peter had told him of your late-night outing, his senses got a little frenzied. He couldn't put a name to the feelings he felt for you just yet, or maybe he could but he was afraid, but all rational went out the window when he found out that you were out here, not sober, in a universe you did not live in, by yourself. It was a recipe for disaster, and almost gave him freaking heart palpitations.

He had rushed to your location, and whether he was still frustrated with you or not, he loved cared for you and wanted you safe.

You were going to be the death of him, and he would willingly follow the reaper if that meant he got to spend the rest of his time with you.

At your offer he relaxed a bit, maybe he was being a little harsh. "Fine, I'll agree to that." He saw your eyes light up and quickly continued. "But only if I join you the next few missions, okay? You really had me worried today." You nodded at that, and the ghost of a smile could be seen on his lips. This was a whole lot better than fighting. Giving you a once over, he could tell that exhaustion was hitting you. "How about we head back home, mi querido/a, y ve a dormir (my dear, and go to sleep) . You can stay at my place for the night, sleep this off. I'll get you some medicine to help with the headache tomorrow, okay?"

You stifled a yawn, and his heart melted at the sight of you. Yeah, he was in deep. "Yeah, sounds good." Just as he dropped the tension in his jaw and shoulders again though, your frame began to glitch. He reached both his hands now to your shoulders to ground you. Why hadn't you put your watch back on? Why had you taken it off in the first place? You were blinking furiously when you returned to normal, falling into his touch.

Without a second thought he took his own off and secured it on your wrist, after all he wouldn't need his until tomorrow, when he traveled again. "Where's your watch?" He raced out, holding gently onto you. Eyes wide and mind scrambled, the moment you motioned towards your bag he retrieved it, setting it on his own person before ushering you out of the bar. "Are you alright?" He hated that his voice held a tinge of panic, but his stomach dropped at seeing you glitch, knowing how the pain felt first hand. You mumbled a yeah, and he walked with you back to his place. Swinging would make you all the more queasy.

When you two got in the door, he gave you another once over. "Are you doing better, are you sure you're okay?" You nodded, and the next thing he knew you were against his chest, hugging him.

Maybe he was freaking out a little on the inside at this, but he couldn't remember the last time he had received a hug. Returning the embrace, he murmured to you. "I've got some clothes you can change into, let's get you in bed." He heard an 'okay' slip from you, and he led you to his room.

And as he tucked you into his bed before heading to go change himself, dare he say that his heart fluttered when he heard you speak.

"Thank you Miggy, I love you."

And as sleep lulled you into its song, he was left momentarily frozen, an unfamiliar but not unwelcome warmth filling his chest. Because drunk words are sober thoughts, aren't they?

[not-chatnoir]

Chat Noir as the Ultimate Catgirl (Genderneutral)!

If you are as invested in the cat girl drama on tumblr dot com as I am, I am sure you are familiar with @catgirlgames ultimate catgirl tournament. As a Chat Noir truther, I wanted to put in my two cents as to why you all should vote for Chat in the finals of this tournament (against Hello Kitty of all catgirls).

My first series of points are all to do with how cat-like this fruity boy inherently is and chooses to be when in his black spandex.

1- The Purring

Yes, he legitimately did not realize he began to purr in this scene- his cat magic grants him the charming and not at all awkward ability to involuntarily purr

2- The Scritches

This boy not only enjoys chin scratches but openly seeks them out... one step further toward him being a domestic housecat tamed by one particular spotted bug

3- The Ears

A slightly unsettling but utterly damning fact about how committed he is to the cat bit is that his cute kitty kitty meow meow ears take the place of his human ears when he is transformed. They move on their own and lead directly to his ear canal... Yeah, I try not to dwell on this one too much.

4- The Behavior

It's the butt wiggle and pounce for me. (Although technically he was under the influence of an Akuma here, I can't dispute this piece of evidence to further damn him for being a dramatic cat boy)

5- Another Cliche

Another great staple for his undeniably cat-related tropes- him being a scaredy cat. (Once again due to an Akuma, but I just love that this piece of animation exists for me to ponder where the line between catboy and boy cat lies exactly)

Other Reasons To Love This Iconic Black Cat

If you're still not convinced that he is the greatest and most iconic cat girl (genderneutral) hear me out-

He (alongside his beetle counterpart) has elemental-themed transformation upgrades that are sick as fuck.

Cmon, look at Astrochat!! Hello!!!!

He is a beloved hero but also Paris's most fearsome enemy in another timeline- one of the most swag Akuma designs and chilling dichotomies to the friendly, pun-loving cat we know and love.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk! Don't forget to vote Chat!

Bonus- here he is being cat and doing crime.

[starstrider]

As a nonbinary person I am begging begging BEGGING people to stop enforcing gender on things that don't need it, assigning gender to hobbies, food choice, ability, personality traits etc.

"Girl dinner", "the feminine urge", "the masculine urge", "cottagecore is for women, dark academia is for men", "I want to fuck him like if he was a woman and I was a man", "this man is so fruity he is a girl to me I refuse to see him as a man". I'm sure many of you use it ironically but there's also a handful of people that really go downhill with sexism they haven't reflected on and it bleeds into real life.

It hurts Everyone, it reinforces misogyny and homophobia, but also I just want to say that it reinforces transphobia as well.

I really don't want to keep existing in a society that keeps trying to shove me into a box or asking me questions like "so are you a man kind of nonbinary or a woman kind of nonbinary eyes emoji". It's frustrating to see dates asking my nonbinary butch friend "so like, are you a trans man or are you still a woman" and remember how I had similar experiences unless I dated another trans person. And I'm saying all this as a genderfluid guy, I want to be genderfluid on my own terms.

These experiences go beyond dating, obviously, but I want to keep this post short-ish.

Reinforcing cishet gender values hurts everyone and it hurts nonbinary people also.

And I'm sure trans men and trans women also have plenty to say about this (which I'm not, so feel free to add your perspective in replies/reblogs/asks if you are)

And when other LGBT people do it it feels like a backstab.

[wolfgirlgock]

noBODY is pressuring ANYONE to be a Transfem!

Hi, so I live in the real world where everyone hates transfems. I've had a streak of sleeping with multiple cis boys, whom, after hooking up with them, realized they were actually girls. Did I MAKE them trans somehow? At no point did I tell them they HAD to be girls. I did what I thought was right and let them figure it out on their own. I told them it was a possibility but truly only they can know whether or not they are.

So then why do I keep seeing people talking about how there's a group of transfems out there MAKING poor GNC cis boys into girls? I was not invited into this group, when I probably have more than enough qualifications. You see when I hear people talk about that, I think about something similar I heard about how transgenders are going to make your children trans and somehow destroy America with this Excess of Power over others that this very marginalized and targeted group somehow has. And then it clicked, this group of highly organized dangerous transgenders not only doesn't exist, it's also exactly what the right is constantly fearmongering about.

You see when I think about my experience as an egg, because I'm harsher on myself than I am to others, I just end up screaming at my former self YOU'RE A GIRL TAKE THE ESTROGEN HONEY. when in reality little egg me didn't know yet and saying that wouldn't have helped her. What I'm NOT saying with this post is that anyone who's actually forcing eggs to transition before they're ready is at all justified in doing that. I'm not the type to she/her cis boys i think might be fruity enough to be eggs. (unless they want me to in bed.) I just think its odd how much this egg discourse lines up with what I was told by people when i was figuring out my gender.

"you can just be a boy who wears dresses and makeup. you can just be a femboy. you can just be a GNC cis boy. You can just be a boy. you just are a boy. You are a boy. Don't pretend you're not."

This is pressure to be cis that has masked itself under sounding more progressive. Y'know, the kind of stuff you hear in conversion therapy. Why are you so scared I'm going to take your femboys away from you? Why is allowing more transfems to realize who they are via a funny meme a bad thing? Why is more t-girls a bad thing? The longer this conversation goes on the more it sounds like the same old shit, people hating transfems for having some kind of power they don`t have, and blaming them for intracommunity discourse when the real problem is how many people actually hate us.

There are two ways to end this, either you accept that you have some unconscious biases and you can reevaluate your stance while I can accept that not every trans girl is an angel and some of them may get a little excited and pressure eggs to crack early instead of letting them incubate like they're supposed to.

Or you try to get rid of transfems because clearly they're the problem here.

fuck off

[witchersmistress]

Family is everything

Hello my darlings i am back!! this particular story is for the lovely @livesinfantasyland so this is my apology to you!

Trigger warnings: warm and fuzzy feelings, angst, saucy feelings and irritations at yours truly

Word count: 1k

my usual warnings, you do not have permission to copy my work in any shape way or form, if you do ill find you and haunt you for the rest of your days

You hated family get-togethers more than anything. Sure you got to see your mom, dad and siblings but that wasn't what made you dread them, not even your mom’s brother whom you rarely see and stopped calling your uncle when you were 15. No no no, it was much worse, it was your fathers best friend that he had met in the military, someone who has known you all your life, someone who not even 30 minutes ago had you cumming in your childhood bedroom, with the pink walls and white frilly covers on your full size bed, because you wore a short dress to the cook out and he didn't like it, that was the man you dreaded to see in a public setting

Captain . Logan. Fucking. Syverson.

That smug mother fucker with his texan drawl, over there sipping a beer with dad,running his hand down his face, his distinctive hand tattoo with some bite marks glaring back at me,  like his face wasnt just buried in my pussy while i bit down on that hand to prevent my screams from escaping. I mean sure with him i have absolutely no problem if he text me “ STFUATTDLAGG”

And I do, no questions asked, like Daddys good little whore, but seeing him at family gatherings or out in public when I am with mom or dad is the bane of my existence. That man damn well knows the effect he has over me and knows i don't control my facial expressions or my mouth all that well, which is why his spreader bar and i have are the best of friends most times. He says I look pretty with my anklets. So you know what I did, I got one of those anklets that have to be welded on much like the bracelets. The look on his face was priceless. My ass was red hours later but totally worth it. I was grinning like the cat who ate the canary, while my mom asked me all sorts of questions about it. My father shook his head and Sy just drawled “Kids will be kids you know” but that wink he gave me while he took a long sip of his beer told me that I was indeed in deep shit, and I loved it.

So that is our game, I find new ways to disobey him and I get punished and I love it. Before I get too far ahead of myself, I probably should explain how I ended up in this situation in the first place and how I ended up with my dad’s best friend being my dom. It's a classic situation of the wrong place at the wrong time. I was out in LA visiting an old friend and Sy was out here for work so my parents felt comfortable letting me go. I lied to his face when I said I was staying in for the night, total bullshit lies but how can you tell someone whom you've known forever that you were going to check out a sex club and put yourself up on the auction block?

Well you don't so you lie like your life depends on it. So here I am drinking a fruity cocktail at the bar waiting for my name to be called. My best friends Ed and Jill were here with me. After all this was her idea and Ed just came along for the ride “Come on’ she said “Lighten up, it's not like you're selling yourself, you are offering up an hour of your time and you get a percentage off your final price'' she wiggled her eyebrows at me. I pulled at my black mini dress “You look hot” Ed said when he was done ogling this drop dead gorgeous male waiter that just walked by, Ed always knew how to pick them. The good looking ones that will break your heart. Syverson included. The club was buzzing with more activity than usual. 

“What's all the fuss about?” I mused out loud. “The boss man is here” a deep barton voice said behind me, causing me to jump. It was the bartender, a sneaky bastard. Placing a hand on my chest, he threw a white towel over his shoulder and gave me a wink before walking away. Jill and Ed were in some kind of debate when a woman dressed in all black with red heels approached me “ Ms. Harlowe?” I nodded, setting my empty glass on the bar, “If you would follow me, you are to be called next” I gulped and followed after her. Jill and Ed gave me a thumbs up as I walked away.

As we walked through the smoky lounge I felt as if ice water was spilled down the back of my neck and down my spine. I looked around to see if I could pinpoint the culprit but it was too crowded to even begin to figure it out. That feeling followed me all the way up to the stage, where the woman rattled off some of the basic rules which I wasn't listening to. I was too busy looking out at the crowd. I spotted Ed and Jill towards the back and the butterflies in my stomach settled but i couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching me from one of those dark corners

“Now Ladies and gentlemen, our last bid for the evening is the lovely, this stunning briar rose, Aurora Harlowe'' swallowing the lump in my throat i made my way into the spotlight and looked around the room, men had sat up straight, specifically one gentlemen in the back, i could only see from his chest down, he had an empty tumblr in his hand that i thought was going to break since he was squeezing it so hard that his knuckles were turning white.

He slammed back what was in the glass before waving to the waitress for another one. Even though i couldn't see him, i knew his gaze was trained on me, the auctioneers voice pulled me out of the haze that Mr. Whiskey had casted on me “ for just one hour of her time, the bidding will start at $10,000” one man called out 11 and another man called out 12, but my heart stopped when a deep timber yelled “$15,000 for the girl” my heart dropped out of my chest and into my stomach there was no doubt in my mind that was Mr. Whiskey himself.

[protect-daniel-james]

WIP asks: what is your oldest? What is the one you will probably never finish?

Omg, do unfinished chaptered fics count?

AO3 tells me the oldest non-finished chaptered fic is Silent Freeway, an Alex Turner/Miles Kane fic from ancient times. I am kinda ashamed of it now, because ultimately it was too much for me to write about - I chose the light topics of mental health and psychosis with my poor English skills, and obviously it was a pain in the ass to write in the end. I wasn't brave enough to go back and read it but I can imagine the shit I wrote back in 2016 in English. It was too much drama for the sake of drama, no characterisation, no reasonable behavior... I will definitely never finish that one. I'm not that much into Milex, and the whole story seems childish today.

Fun fact - it has over 11 000 words making up 11 chapters. Yes, 11 chapters. Which means about 1 000 words per chapter (I was so proud of it back then, lmao). Good old days. Nowaydays I write a 11 000 word fic about Inzaghi brothers fucking.

WIP which I might actually finish one day is definitely Let's fade together, let's fade forever. No football. Historical Figures RPF combining two of my favorite fruity couples from late 18th century, Alex Hamilton/John Laurens and Frederick II/Hans Hermann von Katte. As the tag says, I imagine Heaven as a waiting room. A waiting room where Laurens and von Katte meet and talk and wait for their loved ones. I think it was a nice lil' idea, a fic that became known as "sad gays in heaven". Yeah, it is still rather naive and silly looking back, but I am still quite proud of that one. It's literally missing one chapter.

My problem is I get too excited about a new thing, and I am able to produce quite quickly a new fic when I am excited. A planned out multichaptered fic even. But then, the excitement fades - either because I find a more interesting new thing, or because the response is non-existent, and I see that something I was excited about and cared about isn't really interesting "to the outside". Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one to count kudos and comments because I know that the ships and themes I write about are very niche (I am well aware that if I write a Pedri/Gavi fic, it would get to 200-300 kudos, if I write a Grizione fic, it would be around 50, but if I write about Unai Emery, there will be like 5) - but even with this awareness, if a fic I truly was excited about doesn't really get a response, I just don't feel motivated to prioritise it, work on the next chapter, or write something about the pairing again (unless it's Unai and Football, because those fics I take as a form of experience, exploration, and almost academic work so I don't care if y'all aren't reading those; they are for me to explore the unexplored. although it's nice when people read and comment on them, and want to discuss its topics, obviously).

When it comes to unpublished WIPs, I don't really have many of those because I tend to start my WIPs when excited and then I usually work quickly (unless it's literally a 10 000+ words fic like the yacht fic or like the Inzaghicest one might be). One that I promised to do was a Henderson/Stevie G in Saudi Arabia engaging in bad, sleazy, desperate sex because they have no clue what they are doing there, but I haven't really started to work on that.

I started working on a Mourinho/Abramovich fic (with a flavour of Abramovich/Sheva).

"Mr. Abramovich - " José made a significant pause, spread out his hands over the edge of the desk that separated him from the addressed man. "I know you like him. Is easy to see." For a moment not a single muscle in Abramovich's face moved. Then, his eyebrows rose up, and he tilted his head, smiling; not just smiling but amused at such a simple yet daring statement. "Is it?" he asked, although José wasn't completely sure about the wording. It might have been just a simple, bemused repetition of the word he himself used to describe his reading of the situation - easy.

I think it's now the oldest actual draft that I have, but it's only 2 months old lmao. As I said, I finish my fics pretty quickly (after all, I usually write directly in AO3 - believe me, I did regret it a few times), and the one month due date on drafts works miracles.

[jakowskis]

Day 13 - Favorite ship(s)? Any Torchwood OTPs? Go ahead, gush about them!

dude i multiship so hard in this fandom i dont think there’s a single combination i havent thought of + found a way to enjoy, and that extends to trios. AND i like tw poly. i am mashing them together like barbie dolls. i am having sm fun here in my room

even the ones i don’t exactly “like” still make me Feel Things (more on that later), and even the ones i tend to prefer as friends (more on that later, too), i can still see it if i want to yknow. that’s what’s fun about the slutty bisexy show! woo! they all compel me. 

nonetheless, here are the pairings i like the most, ranked by how often i think of them + how insane they make me. im not gonna gush a ton, actually, bc i get annoyed w how much i talk, so ill keep every explanation under 15 words

owen x ianto: I Want Them Covered in Blood Together (Gnashing My Teeth) (by fall out boy)

owen x andy: golden retriever boyfriend for owen bc sometimes it’s nice to not be angsty (gooseberry who?)

owen x jack: i dont know how they make me feel but they make me feel Something :/

ianto x tosh: THEY’D BE SO CUTE they’d be precious that’s all

tosh x andy: see above. tosh deserves a sweet bf (there are no girls to ship her with 😔)

owen x suzie: they’re mirrors, they’re the same… they intrigue me. also Hawt xD (im bi)

owen x gwen: better as besties imho but im still a bi moron who’s not immune

jack x ianto: overrated imho BUT i do still like them. sigh. dead line speech wahhh

gwen x rhys: i love their relationship troubles n the way it grounds the show. theyre cute

jack x the doctor: sending jack off to harass the doctor so the team can Rest (+ Im Compelled)

jack x gwen: they compel me a little. a teeny bit. not too much but a little

(can u tell i like owen ships. he just has such fascinating relationships w everyone)

ok i lied ill say a couple things. firstly my otp being owento… i’ve talked a bit about it but in brief it started out because i can't resist having at least one enemies/rivals to lovers ship per fandom and ep12 blew my mind a little - and then something just Clicked and they somehow achieved top ten ships of all time status in my brain?? idk what happened there. i usually go for canon-based ships, so having one that kind of lacks substance in the source media (allegedly; i think they’re fruity in canon. but u know what i mean like theyre not ‘canon’ in a show where there is in fact gay TEXT rather than just the subtextual shit theyre doing yanno) and is largely a beast of my own creation (+ the influence of the wonderful handful of fic writers we’ve had over the years) has been rlly fun. 

im largely preoccupied with those two, but i’ve found jack + his relationship with ianto kind of inherently haunts owen x ianto… if you’ve read my fic you know what i mean by that. i can’t see owento existing on its own, like janto fundamentally co-exists next to it so i have to take it into account, and then jack and owen also have a fascinating relationship so i’ve kind of just ended up spending a lot of time thinking about and figuring out owen x ianto x jack in all combinations, because there’s a lot of fascinating stuff going on there from every end. introducing owen to the equation also kind of… ig redeems janto for me, bc i found them offensively underwhelming in s1 and s2. they should be dark and fucked up, and they’re not. owen kind of… brings smth dark and fucked up to the table, and a lot of why i like shipping him with ianto is bc they bring shit out of each other - and owen, for his part, is capable of bringing out ianto’s repressed rage and forcing him to deal with things he’d rather try to compartmentalize and ignore… i find that super compelling, and i also find it useful for breaking down my issues with how jack & ianto’s relationship is initially presented. like, he’s a handy narrative tool for that hfsdjkf. point is, whether i like it or not, jack and his relationships with my girlies (owen n ianto are the girlies <3) is kind of also an intrinsic part of what most of my fixation-oriented brain power goes into thinking about. i’ve been developing this huge fic ‘verse fdhfjk.... Im Very Tired

sometimes i like fun, though, which is what’s behind a lot of those other ships. i’m generally into very dark + angsty + psychological themes, but sometimes fluff and domesticity and occasional silliness is nice, and that’s what’s behind owandy (i have an au where they meet before owen dies) and iantosh (+ gwen x rhys) as my sort of… alternative endgame. my comfort ‘au’. not an au, exactly, but an alternative fluffier world to the darker owento-based one i’ve crafted and spend most of my time thinking about fdshkfj. i also like sending jack off to go bother the doctor, in this ‘au’, because unfortunately i don’t think he’s conductive to the team’s happiness. i think he needs to find his own way to heal and that should probs include the doctor, considering how obsessed jack is with them + how much he needs to unpack All That Shit he has going on before he can be any sort of truly positive force in the lives of the tw team. so for now he’s banned from the polycule for jack crimes. listen, i love that torchwood’s inherently sad and dark and lonely, it’s what compels me, and i’m ultimately glad that’s the core of the show - but it doesn’t have to be. sometimes i enjoy a nicer alternative. i think they could fix it. and that’s what fandom + fanfic is for. 

i also have several ot3s i enjoy, mostly owen ones. i think he deserves a bf + a gf, i think it’d fix him. put that bitch in a bisexual sandwich and maybe he'd behave. in particular, i love owen x tosh x ianto, it’s the only place i ship owen/tosh bc i think ianto would keep owen in check and they’d all better each other. i love owen x tosh x andy for similar reasons. can you tell the four characters im biased towards fhdskj. (i love gwen just as much but she’s kind of doing her own thing with just rhys and jack imo fdkfjsd. perhaps torchwood is composed of two polycules and jack is the link between both of them)

[forbidding-souda]

i love love love your blog

i enjoyed the boob piercing hc and wondered if i can request that but with Mondo, Taka, and Kaito!

Mondo Oowada, Ishimaru Kiyotaka, and Kaito Momota seeing their S/O's nipple piercings for the first time headcanons

just got back from a wedding and that shit was so fun + I ate like 6 pieces of bread it was a W I want more of that fucking bread and to go shopping bleh hold on let me see if I can go shopping now that I have my mind on it lmfao i need frozen strawberries and bananas for my smoothie bc I ate all the bananas and last time I went shopping I forgot to get frozen strawberries as if that wasn't the reason I went anyway.

update: went to the store and got my frozen strawberries and also this mf fruity pebble ice cream whatttt.

-Mod Souda

✯✯✯✯✯

✯✯✯✯✯

Mondo Oowada

❤ pointer: I'm going to be so fucking honest I literally am like 100% certain I've written this before but I can't find it anywhere so I'm rewriting it but ????.

❤ There's the cold wind that hits your arms where they hit the air as you clench yourself against his back, the motorcycle vibrating from under you. Rain pitter patters against the metal as well as on you two.

❤ He's racing home, trying to get somewhere dry, trying to figure out how to get home without getting too wet.

❤ With his preciseness and also the way in which he memorized the neighborhoods, it doesn't take more than ten minutes to get home (which, the entire time, you were freaking tf out because of how fast he was going in the dark and in the rain).

❤ You were the first one to the door, opening it before he could even step on the doorstep (thank goodness he started giving you the keys). Your whole body is freezing and your clothes are thick and weighted.

❤ Amidst the ceiling light that hangs above the tiles before the home starts, you use your toes to pull off your shoes from the opposite foot's ankles while your hands peel off your shirt.

❤ Mondo closes the front door, shaking the water from his fallen hair, kicking off his shoes too when he looks up and sees two pieces of metal catching the fluorescent light.

❤ "Where the hell did those come from?" He points at your nipple piercings.

❤ "These?" You look down as if you forgot they existed. "I thought you noticed them already."

❤ His mind completely runs over the times he would have seen them, times where he got so nervous around you that he adverted his eyes.

❤ He grumbles and mumbles, rubbing his forehead (mostly to get the water out of his face, but you saw it as a sign of annoyance).

❤ You eye him, wondering what his next move is, just he gives laughs at himself, the thought of being so flustered around you that he never caught sight of nipple piercings being too amusing.

.

Ishimaru Kiyotaka

❤ He is also a boyfriend who will advert his eyes and try not to look at your chest nor even your upper thighs.

❤ Even if you wanted to show him there is no way he would want to take a look.

❤ He finds out on his own terms, involuntary terms at that.

❤ It happened when the two of you were laying together, the both of you calm in attitude.

❤ His face was buried into the crook of your neck, his arms draped around you until he moved positions to lay on your chest.

❤ “Ooh, watch out!”

❤ His head perks up immediately.

❤ He didn’t feel them, not at first, but when you started delicately tapping on the skin of your nipples through your shirt, he remembered when you were talking about getting pierced (where is it, he always wondered. It lingers in his mind).

❤ “This… is… certainly unpredicted.” He keeps his head hovered over you, now unsure as to where to put it.

❤ “Oh, shut up.” You wrap your hands around his neck and pull him close to you.

.

Kaito Momota

❤ You wear a big shirt. It’s very loose on you, and you wear it to get comfortable.

❤ Kaito loves it when you do. He likes putting his hands up the sleeves and gripping your shoulders. When you walk away from him, he grabs onto the back and halts you.

❤ So when you comes up in front of you and grips the bottom you don’t think anything of it.

❤ He quickly lifts it up and ducks his head underneath.

❤ Your hands immediately cup your boobs, but by that point he already caught sight of them.

❤ “Wh-What the hell?!” He exclaims, head still in your shirt, and him having no sign of removing himself just made the situation funnier.

❤ You laugh, feeling his head moving back and forth before he started blowing raspberries against your sternum.

[radioactive-earthshine]

I’ve been WAITING for this question okay so

Just to clarify I’m fairly new to comics and also not up to date on what’s happening with most of the characters rn so if this doesn’t fit anywhere in any current timeline or has already been done uhhhh sorry I don’t give a fuck

Anyway I’d give Starfire a solo series.

The first major arc would be kind of a space road trip type thing and for this arc I’d partner Kory up with Donna Troy and it would be so fruity. Like so so fruity. Those women kiss. I’m not sure what exactly I’d have Kory doing in space or why Donna joins her but the arc should end in a way that consolidates the best parts of her lore and scraps everything else (this is how I’m retconning Red Hood and the Outlaws). So some kind of soul searching magic quest idk.

At the end of her space quest, Kory gets established with a job and apartment in a new city and her villains are all super high tech, sci-fi. The artist needs to have some fuckin whimsy in designing characters and backgrounds, none of that dark grey everything is gritty shit. Bright colors all around. Obviously there would probably be at least one arc with the Titans but I’d really want her to work with characters she hasn’t previously interacted with or to bring back characters she hasn’t worked with recently like Animal Man. Maybe for one arc she teams up with the (RENEE MONTOYA) Question to blend Kory’s whole alien thing with a street level noir story (making Dick the detective for this would be so lame and im not about that. Im giving Kory more female friendships thanks). I don’t know if she’s ever worked with Kon but if she hasn’t THIS IS THE TIME. It would be soon after she gets back from space and would kick off a storyline for him to change in some important way like idk maybe growing out of the Superboy mantle and actually being an adult.

Maybe none of that makes sense and if this is stupid feel free to tell me so. So yeah that’s my idea. Korydonna space road trip, set up a new status quo for the remainder of the series and have her work with new characters to fight super powered sci-fi villains in mundane settings, emphasis on Kory working with other women. If I have fundamentally misunderstood this character then just ignore all of this. But anyway the thing about this that I think would piss off DC is that Kory has no male love interests in this series, at all, period. She either kisses Donna or no one at all.

Unrelated to that I would also fix the whole Batgirl thing and have Babs be Oracle again, retcon Cass’s villain arc out of existence, and put her back as Batgirl for a solo series so we can have her pass the mantle to Steph at the end in a way that’s satisfying and does not include the character assassination. I don’t know how I would accomplish this in-universe without fucking up the timeline but I’d find a way.

I'm interested and am listening to you very closely. I'm not the most well versed person in Kory or Donna lore (I've read thousands of comics but not a lot with them meaningfully) so I can't say if this is compliant with anything, and even if it was an impossibility, this is about self indulgent stories YOU would write with no one at DC to tell you NO. I definitely feel strongly that DC needs more women with their own solos featuring other women and having relationships that are platonic so this 100% good in that regards and I feel a lot of people would be interested.

Kory and Kon interacted in TTv3 but I can't justifiably say it was the best of situations so having better interactions would be 100% a delight to see.

But yes, Kory deserves her own solo and we always need more queer content. And SPACE! We need more comics that take you away from Earth.

But here's an important question; WHAT CITY is she working out of??

Babs being Oracle again is a mantra even the most staunch of batfans cry daily and I feel most would welcome her back.

Tell me what you would do if you had full creative control to write for DC with NO push back from editors and who would you piss off the most with your unhinged creative wiles?

Also, I shouldn't have to say this but don't be a DICK to anyone whose self indulgent fantasies might make you mad. Keep scrolling, block, move on. Thanks.

[wanderingbards]

JRWI characters as out of context quotes my friends and I have said!

(If a line has a - that means it's a follow up to the previous line)

Rumi: Pretty privilege exists but it's only me fueling it.

Jay: Fight, flight, but we're all forgetting the third response.

-Chip: ...FUCK?!?!

--Jay: FREEZE!!!

Jay: Congratulations. Now we're all co-conspirators in avian war crimes.

Finn, to Arlin: Why is your kid a fruit?

Jay: Those were some big emotions there bud.

-Chip: Not as big as my dick.

Dakota: You're bullying a child. It's me.

Chip: My first boyfriend was an accident!

Peter: Thanatos, tone down your he/him pronouns and let the she/her speak!

William: I don't know enough about you to diagnose you on the omegaverse spectrum.

Rumi: I like my men pathetic and fruity, you wouldn't understand.

Rumi: All I'm saying is god forgot to give me self-hatred.

William: Wyoming would maybe be my least-favorite state if it existed.

Vyncent: I need a girl with a nose ring to tell me what planet is making me sad.

-Cantrip: It's Prime.

Dakota: Whoa, this is just like the ending to Kung Fu Panda 3!

-William, about the same movie: Oh my god this is just like Pacific Rim-

Jay: Hey, hey Gillion? On a personal level, what does gunpowder taste like? And how do you know this?

Peter: I'm a quirked-up white boy goated with the sauce, and the sauce is the blood pooling in my feet.

William: Uh, no, only the hoodie stays on.

Gillion: That's it, I'm gonna go drink vanilla now.

Vyncent: Have you ever heard of Homestuck?

-William: ...I am the sacrilegious one.

Chip: Good words start with gay. ....no wait-

Dakota: I'm not picky, I have taste.

-William: And the taste is autism?

--Dakota: I legally don't have to answer that.

Jay, with confidence: ABDCE- wait fuck-

Chip, about Goobleck: That thing doesn't deserve pronouns, it's ugly as fuck!

Peter: Tareus was pretty chill, just not with capitalism.

Chip: Jay's getting proposed to this winter.

-Gillion: CANON?!?!

Rumi, to Peter: You won't be made if I call you short king, right?

Vyncent: If you're gonna stab me, at least make it a pretty knife.

Chip: Is there a spell for getting bitches?

Lizzie: Just because I don't hate gay people doesn't mean I don't hate you.

Ollie, a confused child about Chip: Why is he gay but for women?!?!

Peter: I would cry at a lot of things, that's just one of them.

William, driving: I am making multiple tactical errors as we speak.

Jay: Because your frog is 2 feet tall, and a frog!!!

Peter: I'm gonna peg him, just to prove a point.

William: My infodumping is the sexiest part about me.

-Vyncent: It is~

--William: ...fuck off, simp.

[puckrph]

SHIT MY FRIENDS HAVE SAID PART 5

feel free to change pronouns, etc.

“i’m serving only the coldest, stalest opinions in this chilis tonight.” “this man is girlbossing WAY too close to the sun right now, which is bad, because he’s a vampire.” “he looks like if they peeled the grinch.” “i wish desolation row gerard way had me by the throat for real” “absolutely insane in shows and movies when people don’t have their window screens down. you’re just raw dogging life like that?” “it’s not sadistic if your players can take it.” “i’m doing this all in the service of the christian god, so it’s fine.” “wine-horny is what the fuck or die trope is about.” “it’s hot gay serial killer vampire summer” “[in a yoda voice] MMM. CUNT, THEY ARE SERVING.” “boytoy, enable kill mode.” “your father eats tomatoes like a beast of a man.” “you fool. my muppet-like behavior has blinded you to my competency.” “you people need to calm down.” “you know it’s a good joke when i start whimpering like a hurt dog.” “i’m insulted to my core. are you questioning my patriotism? my dedication to this country? my belief that the american dream is witnessing two f-150’s making passionate love on 690? i’ll have your badge and your head, [NAME].” “your influence is both vast and perplexing.” “putting your blood through a brita filter is discount dialysis.” “people is like sauce: more is better.” “hell would be more fun than this, i think.” “hard to believe the same studio made two games where you get to run around, steal vehicles, and be an asshole, if you want.” “pda stands for people doing atheism.” “first of all, through the power of keanu reeves all things are possible, so jot that down.” “i don’t feel like his name should be david. i feel like it should be… giancarlo.” “you aren’t laughing or loving this, and soon you won’t be living either!” “did i ever tell you about the dream i had where baljeet from phineas and ferb got lightning powers and fought in the clone wars.” “everyone is bullying so much about cooking meat that i simply must become vegan.” “i’m gonna deep clean you out of my life.” “the only difference between a twink and a frat boy is a limp wrist.” “he’s right, of course, i am going to do that. but still.” “what is a roommate if not blorbo from your house?” “i just realized that i’m going to medieval times for the first time on the destiel putin election anniversary. none of those words are in the king james bible. how am i going to cope.” “body dysmorphia? yes, but you can hang dong like nobody’s business.” “he can’t do anything wrong, he’s too cute.” “so many people eat an orange normally. isn’t it better, really, to do it like a weirdo?” “i’m probably in the top 98th percentile of pez dispenser information knowers by the way. most don’t know that about me.” “there is always further to fall from god’s grace.” “jesus is rizzin’?? amogus???” “you think i could gauge the emotions or feeling of any human beings in high school?” “sorry, the coffee never actually kicked in so i’m stupid now.” “the bar for men is so low. just be fun, slay, and be a little fruity!” “i feel like JC probably has some hilarious lines in the quran.” “side note: does anyone else initially read FMA as ‘fuck my alchemist.’” “astigmatism is when you have an eye issue and stigmata is when you have the wounds of christ, right? because i was at the eye doctor and he said ‘looks like we need to correct a stigmata in your eye’ and i was like come again?” “surely the micro plastics and lead cancel each other out, you’ll be fine.” “schrodinger’s sports call: the call exists in a quantum state of correct and bullshit until i figure out how it affects my guys.” “oh, tom waits makes some good songs. he just sounds like a gravel beach got a wish to become a real boy.”

[kimaratomoya]

*Casually Materialises*

No one asked for this but I don't care.

Characters that I fucking love from Fazbear Frights that I see barely anyone talking about because they didn't read past books 1-5 usually. Or they forget about them. Because that happens.

Spoilers if you haven't read the books ig??

1. Toby Billings

My beloved boy

He's so depressed lmao

Definitely got some shit going wrong

But we love him

And he deserves better that being tormented by a fucking shadow rabbit

Literally has no mother

She fucking left ✌️

But he has a brother (who is a dick)

And a dad (who supports the brother)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Bestie I hope ur ok

2. Jeremiah (I don't he has a last name, if he does, I forgot it and I refuse to check the wiki out of spite)

Also depressed probably

Needs therapy

Parker was so mean to him what the heck.

He was just vibin

And trying to finish his fucking job

And this bitch put spicy shit in his chips

>:(

Also Glitchtrap kinda makes him have to find Hope and Parker's disembodied pieces

So that's rude

3. Hudson

Why are all of these people depressed

But yeah he has actual PTSD

Poor guy

Literally was trying to just leave his past behind him BC he couldn't deal with it

And just wanted to exist in peace

uNTIL SPRINGBITCH DECIDED HAHAHAHHA NO

I have a lot of hatred towards William.

4. Colton

Surprisingly, not depressed

Just a moron

I love his stupid little brain

He legit broke into a place to fix a game to get tickets for a game when he literally could've just stolen the game

You little dumb dumb

*headpat*

5. Sam

Bestie

Broski does film????

I do film!!!!!

Also I find him goofy

And Nole definitely spent way too long on the first 3 pages describing how he sits and stuff

I have no idea what his skin tone is because everyone keeps changing it and I am just gonna stick with like the original one I know for him lmao

He's so swag

(probably fruity ✨💅)

Does anyone want 5 (or more) characters I despise for dumb little reasons?