#listened to mitski while writing this you should too

[w3bgrl]

universal deviation

synopsis: changbin and juyeon officially deny their dating rumors; now it’s time to talk about it privately.

date: april 5th 2019

era: miroh

word count: 2.3k

featuring: kang juyeon, seo changbin, jyp, bang chan

warnings: n/a, just angst! maybe hinted misogyny at the end?

a/n: lied in that ask lol merry binchumas to those who celebrate! ps this occurs after their music bank performance! also ummm calling jyp ‘jinyoung’ is so weirddd (°_°)

“so…i’m sure you both know why i called you in today,”

changbin and juyeon sat anxiously before their boss in the jyp entertainment conference room with sweaty palms, tongues nearly bitten in half as he spoke.

“but, i wanted to get on top of this issue before it could get too out of hand. especially since you’re in the same group. firstly, however,”

they swore they could guess what was coming next.

“congratulations on your first win yesterday!”

juyeon and changbin let out a breath they had been holding since the moment they entered the room and smiled with the relief of some weight being lifted from their chests, thanking him humbly in unison.

“i have high hopes for the future of stray kids.” jinyoung eye-smiled in the same kindred way he always did to make others feel more comfortable in his authoritative presence. “i believe your time to really shine will come sooner than later, and i look forward to watching you all grow as artists.”

his smile fell now, replaced with that stone cold expression they had become quite familiar with during their trainee days. “but, all of that starts with maintaining your images for the fans. so, i’d like to get a direct quote that explains the situation and clarifies the status of your relationship with one another.”

“before we begin,” jinyoung slid the notepad beside him closer to where he could write “i’ll remind you that the company dating policy states that romantic relationships are strictly prohibited for the first 3 years after debut. in your case, this will be in 2021. i think as idols, the first three to five years after debut should be focused purely on promoting. so, with that said, is there anything in particular you would like to be cited?”

for the first time since sitting down the accused pair now looked at one another with knowing eyes. it was a good thing they read each other better than jyp because obviously they saw right through the others feigned innocence. juyeon was the first to turn back to their boss, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before she spoke.

“um…i know to be more subtle showing affection to my members for the public eye, so i apologize for acting without thinking. i will be more careful with my actions moving forward.”

the older man nodded approvingly and began to transcribe her account on his notepad. at this same time, changbin nudged her foot with his own under the table, eyes meeting from the corners of their vision. his eyebrows just barely knitted together like he disapproved of what she said, and as jyp looked back up, juyeon shifted to cross her legs.

“so,” he sighed and clicked his pen a few times “i’m just gonna go right ahead and ask; are you two in a relationship?”

changbin was the one to speak this time. “no.” he said stolidly, his tone flat and almost disinterested. “we’re just friends.”

“close friends.” she added

there was a moment of scrutiny from the man across the table who stared at them with narrowed, unmoving eyes. to be completely fair, both of their answers did sound a little uncertain, like they weren’t on the same page about where they stood. yet, jinyoung simply nodded and jotted down their words.

“that is good to hear, teamwork is an important piece of the puzzle. i hope this incident won’t impact your friendship.”

it was a blessing their boss wasn’t paying them any mind when he said this. even the most oblivious person in the world could have noticed the thunderstorm that brewed between them, growling and snarling as lightning struck with his words. they shared another knowing glance.

the trip home was quiet.

changbin and juyeon walked side by side with an unfamiliar distance between them, sullen eyes wandering from the cold tile flooring every few seconds to get a glimpse of the other. neither dared to mention the dark clouds that hung over their heads and instead fell head first into the busy swirl of anxieties, only starting to get dizzy once they arrived at their front door. changbin prayed that someone - anyone - would be home to ease the aching tension between them but all hope was lost when he wiggled the handle to find it locked.

the younger boy sighed heavily as he fished in his pocket for the key and hurriedly unlocked the door, obviously frustrated and yet he still held it open for her.

once in the entryway they both turned away from one another to take their shoes off and throw their stuff down haphazardly by the door. from his spot on the ground to unlace his boots changbin could see juyeon face him for only a moment before she left to disappear around the corner of the living room, a heavy thud followed by a grumble echoing off the wooden floors. he finally worked the shoe off his heel and meekly followed after to find her slumped into the couch.

juyeon looked up at him through her dark lashes and, though her features were tainted with woe, she offered him a weak smile. changbin felt a kick to the chest and left a noticeable gap as he sat down beside her, his mannerisms and movements now much softer than just a few moments ago.

there was a good long pause where both of them searched for something to say. anything would have sufficed, honestly, because this melancholic silence was really starting to eat away at their shared sanity. or what little was left of it at this point.

“please say something.”

she’d never heard his voice so frail, so weak. like a child asking for reassurance that things were okay. and unfortunately, the older girl didn’t have anything reassuring to say. she opted for another approach instead.

“sorry for getting you caught up in all this.”

changbin habitually reached out to tuck the stray hairs behind her ear so he could see her face but decided against it halfway. he sat back. “it’s a two-way street, joong. you can’t take all the blame.”

“but i am to blame.” she hummed, her gaze everywhere but him “we wouldn’t be here if i just…didn’t do…what i did...”

“…ju.”

finally she looked back over at the delicate flower beside her who blinked away tears as he shifted in his seat. “i’m glad you did. if not i would’ve spent the rest of my life wondering what it would be like. whatever it—”

he stopped himself. he knew what it was. they both did. and it was a part of the past now, there was no point in weaseling around anymore. still, he couldn’t put the word to it.

“—it was nice. and for what it’s worth, i wouldn’t change anything. if given another chance i’d do it all again. i’d rather die at your hands than never have felt them at all.”

she couldn’t help but smile at his words. he was always so poetic.

“you’re really special, you know that? i don’t know if anyone’s ever told you. i don’t know if i ever told you. but i hope you know. there is no one else in the world that even comes close.”

while the older girl rarely allowed her painful emotions to be shown in front of anyone else, changbin was someone who wore his heart on his sleeve - feelings displayed before him for anyone to bear witness. so when he finally gave up on fighting the tears and let them fall in thick streams down his cheeks that met at the scar on his chin, juyeon had to look away.

“don’t do that.” her voice was shaky as she nudged him with her foot “i’m not going anywhere — neither are you. i’ll be right here for a long time.”

he finally broke his gaze from her figure to wipe his wet face. “i know - i just…i just wish things were different. i don’t want this chapter to be over yet.”

there was a beat before her response.

“i’ll keep the corner folded on your page.”

her words resonated a bittersweet song that played on his heartstrings and when he was finally able to convince himself to look back over at the close friend beside him, there was already that familiar doting smile on her lips. he could feel his eyes getting wet again as she reached out to wipe the overlooked tear on his cheek and, for the first time, her touch left a sting.

“i know your feelings are locked up tight and all but…” he winced “how are you so okay?”

juyeon took a deep breath, subconsciously self-soothing. “i have to be. at least on the outside.”

“you can’t keep that up forever”

“it won’t be forever. just for…” her comforting smile became muddled as the timeline began to unfold before her “…for a while.” she said. her mouth tasted bitter.

he wanted to refute her claims - to tell her that it was okay to show them (him) how she really felt, especially in the privacy of their own dorm. but as he took just a second longer to think about it, he realized she was right. they weren’t just automatically in the clear once the statement came out, and though he’d certainly have to make some adjustments, juyeon especially would be scrutinized far worse than he ever would. or any other member for that matter. it happened before for less. he just couldn’t stop wishing that things were different; the people and the standards and their boss and —

“hey,”

her soft hum pulled him from the spiral.

“one day we’ll look back and laugh about this. and things will be different, but it’ll be okay. it is okay.”

changbin caught her fingers to pull her hand away from his cheek, deciding instead to cherish how perfectly the puzzle pieces of their palms fit together just one more time. he watched his thumb trace over the tattoo on the back of her hand and spoke so softly it was almost like he didn’t want her to hear him.

“i’ll ache over you until then.”

juyeon gave his hand a squeeze, and in that soft voice he used to adore, she put the final nail in the coffin that sealed their fate. maybe it was cruel of her; finally putting a word to it now of all times. but to her it was more like a secret message to the universe. like folding the corner of a page to revisit it later.

“the love isn’t going anywhere, bin. it’ll always be here.”

without the context she kept hidden inside, her original theory was correct; it was cruel. and her choice of words hit him like a truck. though he’d never been stabbed before, changbin could imagine that it felt pretty similar to this. and just as the tears began to fall again, there was a commotion on the other side of the room.

the pained pair whipped their heads in horror to see what it was - who had just stumbled upon something they definitely shouldn’t have - only to find chan waddling out of his room, eyes bleary with sleep. his hair stuck up in all places and as his focus zeroed-in on the recently accused chan was quickly brought back to reality.

“hey — are you okay? the meeting?”

changbin still hadn’t gotten past that word yet; love. it rang in his ears like his morning alarms, jarring and above all else, frustrating. that just left juyeon to handle the damage control and thankfully she was quick to jump into action.

“meeting went fine, binnie just felt bad i got in trouble.” she feigned nonchalance and fluffed his hair while he wiped his tears “but it’s okay, nothing’s changing and there should be a statement soon.”

changbin sniffled and plastered on a weak smile with a thumbs up to help the cause. it seemed to work as chan nodded with a yawn.

“well, i’m glad it went well. sorry you got in trouble, biya.”

she stood with a shrug, finally leaving the younger boys’ side to lighten the tension she felt with a joke as she grabbed a drink from the fridge. “it’s fine. just can’t be friends with my friends on camera, that’s all.”

chan chuckled dryly, “you’re funny, but that actually makes me very sad.”

“want a hug?” she offered over her shoulder as she unscrewed the lid.

“of course!”

the leader (who seemed like both the oldest and the maknae at times) giggled and happily bounced over to her, arms wrapping around her waist to lift her off her feet in a tight bear hug. he made incomprehensible squeaky noises as she wheezed and set her back down with a pat on the head.

juyeon laughed breathlessly as a result of having all the oxygen squeezed from her lungs. “better?”

“for now.” chan beamed. the chirp! of a twitter notification made his phone vibrate in his pocket and upon checking it he looked back to changbin, tears gone but the emotion still prevalent. “the rest of the boys should be bringing food home soon and then we’re going to the studio. you guys coming?”

both parties hummed in response.

he nodded and began to backpedal toward the bathroom. “kay, then i’m gonna go take a quick shower before i have to fight for it.”

“don’t slip!” juyeon called after him

“we’ll see!”

chan entered the bathroom and made sure to lock it behind him before looking in the mirror to find the natural perplexed expression he had been biting back. did they think they were slick? juyeon and changbin may have been able to fly under the radar to their boss, but really, how could they ever deceive someone who knew them as well as chan did?

[f3arow]

EAT IT EAT THIS. i think zorales should be looked at all the time actually. and if you don't ummmmmm shut up :3

One has to wonder, when it comes to good and evil, how to wrangle it into your soft hands. How it writhes and wriggles and wrecks, because its sole mission is destruction of all you hold dear.

[melzula]

All I Ever Wanted

pairing: zuko x reader

notes: this was originally requested by an anon but i also took inspiration from mitski’s song “your best american girl” while writing this. give it a listen during your read !

summary: as a peasant and servant girl for the palace, you should have known better than to fall for the Prince

The sun is warm against your skin and the grass is soft beneath you as you land on your back in a fit of giggles. Azula is unamused by your antics, but Zuko finds himself laughing right along with you. It’s a peaceful summer’s day in the palace gardens, and you spend it as you would any other day by playing with your friends.

“I caught you,” you tell him with a breathless laugh after turning your head to face him.

“No way, I was just going easy on you,” he argues with playful grin, his nose nearly brushing against your own due to your close proximity on the grass. Your heart beats fast in your rib cage as you try to ignore the rising heat on your face and play it off as a result of your exhaustion and not your nerves from lying with the Prince. You haven’t realized it yourself, but you have a crush on Zuko, a painfully obvious one that he hasn’t seemed to notice yet. What you also don’t realize is that he reciprocates the feeling, and he shares the thrill that comes with being your playmate.

“Are you two done yet?” Azula finally interrupts with a roll of her eyes as she offers you her hand and helps you up from the ground. “It’s my turn to hide this time.”

“I don’t think we can play anymore,” Zuko notes with a frown as his mother makes her way towards your group. You quickly bow in respect to the Fire Lady, but she waves you off with a smile.

“I’m sorry, y/n, but Zuko and Azula must attend their fire bending lessons now. I’m afraid playtime is over for today,” she informs you apologetically.

“Yes, Fire Lady Ursa,” you reply politely before turning to give both of your friends departing hugs. “Bye Zuko, bye Azula!”

“It’s too bad you’re not a fire bender,” Azula remarks after halfheartedly returning your embrace. “Maybe dad would let us play with you more if you were.”

Her words make your body hot with embarrassment and shame, and though you don’t voice your discomfort Ursa is instantly able to pick up on it. With a scolding glare, the Fire Lady quickly urges her daughter to apologize.

“Azula, that is not a nice thing to say to a friend.”

“But it’s true,” the girl mutters under her breath only to have her mother drag her away before she can get the chance to say anything else. Zuko hesitates then, giving you an apologetic look and promising to play with you tomorrow before rushing after Ursa and Azula.

You’ve never really cared about being a non-bender, but there’s something about Azula’s words that has you questioning your worth. As the daughter of a royal family servant with no title or money to her name, you knew you were lucky to be able to grow up in the palace and play with the Fire Lord’s children. However, you never once realized that you weren’t their equal. They were royalty, a Prince and a Princess destined to become powerful benders and ruthless leaders of the Fire Nation, and you were simply a girl who would one day grow up to live a life of servitude. You had no real future or purpose ahead of you, not like they did, and yet you were the only one unaware of your unfortunate fate.

Perhaps it’s because they never treated you in such a way, and your mother did her best to shield you from your true heritage. For now you could grow up blissfully unaware of the fact that your friends would one day outgrow you.

“Mom?��� Zuko asks once they’re safe inside the palace. “Do you like y/n?”

“She’s a sweet girl,” Ursa notes with a faint smile, “and she makes you both happy. So yes, I like her.”

“Then why doesn’t Dad?”

The Fire Lady’s smile fades into a remorseful frown, and she simply ushers her son forward with a shake of her head. “Let’s not worry about that now. You’re going to be late for your lesson.”

Zuko isn’t satisfied with her answer, but he isn’t give a chance to discuss it further with her. For now, he remains content with the fact that he likes you, and his mother likes you.

That is enough for him.

~~~

The day is calm as you carefully hang the clothes to dry and enjoy the warmth of the sun basking on your skin. It’s rare that you get tasked with the outdoor chores, so you savor the opportunity for as long as you can. Doing the royal family’s laundry certainly beats scrubbing the floors of the palace, and you are grateful the spirits have taken mercy upon you today.

You’re freshly fifteen and the summer is just beginning. You’ve grown into a well-mannered young woman, and you’re old enough now to be able to take on some of the work that once fell to your mother. One day you will take her place and continue to serve the royal family until you’re no longer physically able. You’ll never get to leave, but you consider yourself grateful to live on the palace grounds. You will forever have a roof over your head, food on the table, and, most importantly, your friends.

You take great care to pin Azula’s dresses down without getting any creases or wrinkles in the fabric, and you’re so lost in thought that you don’t notice the figure carefully creeping up behind you. You’re too busy reciting the words to an old Fire Nation folk song your mother had taught you to pay any mind to your surroundings, and it gives Zuko the perfect opportunity to catch you by surprise.

“Y/n!” He exclaims with a grin as his hands land firmly upon your shoulders. You nearly jump out of your skin at the act, and your reaction has the Fire Prince laughing so hard his cheeks begin to hurt.

“Zuko!” You scold with an irritated scowl as you chuck a handful of clothespins at him in retaliation. “You need to stop doing that!”

“I’m sorry, you just make it so easy,” he teases with a light nudge to your side before taking it upon himself to pick up the pins you’d discarded.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready to leave for Ember Island?” You ask him with a quizzical look as you resume your previous work of hanging the clothes.

“That’s actually what I was coming to talk to you about,” he admits with a sheepish smile. “I want you to come with us.”

“What? You’re not serious, are you?” You retort apprehensively, halting your movements to gauge his reaction for any hint of insincerity or humor.

“I am serious. You deserve to have fun once in a while too,” he notes with a careful smile. You’re too oblivious to notice the look of admiration on his face and definitely too concerned with finding a way to let him down gently to realize he’s inviting you because he likes you. Despite your own feelings for the Prince you’ve developed over the years, you’re much too self-depreciating to ever believe Zuko could possibly feel the same. If only you knew.

“I can’t just up and leave! There’s work to be done, a-and my mother would be so upset with me if I abandoned my chores and-“

“Azula will tell our father she wishes to bring you along as a personal servant so you can come with us, and someone else will be tasked with taking on your work while you’re away. There’s no way your mom could be upset with you for serving the Princess, could she?”

“Azula would really do that for me?” You question meekly, a hopeful glint in your eyes as you hang on to his every word. You’re trying your best not to get your hopes up, but you wish for nothing more than to leave the capital city to see the ocean for the first time and feel the sand beneath your feet. As the daughter of a servant and now a servant yourself, you know you’d never get a chance like this if not for the fact that the siblings had grown fond of you over your years of friendship together. You’re lucky, because you know without them you’d truly be nothing more than a floor scrubbing peasant.

“Of course she would, she wants you there just as much as I do,” Zuko assures you. Gently taking your hands in his own, he gives them a comforting squeeze and looks into your eyes with a loving smile. “We leave tomorrow morning. Bring enough clothes to last you three days and a bathing suit.”

“I don’t own one,” you admit with an embarrassed frown, but your friend doesn’t display any sign of judgement in the slightest towards your shortcomings.

“Then I’ll take you shopping myself when we get there.”

Your heart melts at his words, your gaze falling to the ground bashfully as you try not to dwell on the fact that he’s still holding your hands. You’re in love with the Prince, and the Prince is in love with you, and everyone but you has figured out just how much you mean to each other.

Even Fire Lord Ozai, who odiously watches the scene unfold before him from the top of the palace balcony.

~~~

The shores of Ember Island are beautiful.

The waves almost seem to sparkle underneath the moonlight as they crash peacefully against the shore, and down below the lively chatter of your friends carries through the air and fills your heart with contentment. You’ve had the most perfect time here at the beach, and it pains you to know that tonight will be your last night of freedom before you must return home and resume your life as a servant girl.

The wooden doors behind you carefully slide open and closed, and soon a familiar warmth joins you out on the balcony. For a while you say nothing, simply enjoying the closeness of him as you watch Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai practice tricks in the sand below. You don’t know how to thank the Prince for all he’s done for you, for always looking out for you since you were children, for never once treating you as less than for your heritage. You don’t know how to tell him that you love him with your entire being.

So he does it for you.

“I got you something,” Zuko says after a moment’s silence, waiting for you to turn your gaze to him so he may pull out a small clam from beneath his robes. You raise a curious eyebrow at his offering as he gestures for you to take it.

“A clam shell?” You note inquisitively as you turn the gift around in your palms, carefully feeling out its grooves and intricate ridges.

“Open it,” he directs you quietly, anxiously watching your movements with bated breath.

You smile curiously at your friend before delicately pulling the top half of the shell open to reveal the contents inside. Your eyes widen in surprise at the gift that greets you, and you immediately look up to Zuko to ensure this isn’t some kind of joke.

Inside the clam sits a beautiful gold necklace with a dainty sun pendant resting in the center that shimmers under the light of the moon. It’s beautiful, and it’s certainly worth more than your own life, which is why you immediately try to hand it back to him.

“I-I can’t accept this!” You hastily insist with a quick shake of your head as you struggle to return the clam to him. “It’s too nice!”

“You can accept this,” Zuko reassures you as he carefully pushes the gift back towards you. When his efforts fail due to your persistent attempts to give back the shell, he lets out a sigh and carefully removes the necklace from the clam. “Y/n, I want you to have it.”

“But why?” You demand apprehensively, almost flinching away when he moves towards you with the necklace. You’re completely overwhelmed by his gift and unsure of what it means or why you’d ever be deserving of such a thing. You don’t want to take advantage of his kindness or his status, and you feel like he’s done more than enough for you by bringing you along on this trip, so it just feels wrong of you to take it.

“Because you deserve nice things too,” Zuko explains, and after giving you a pointed look you finally allow him to carefully put the necklace on you. The sun rests daintily along your neck, and he thinks it suits you perfectly. “I brought you on this trip because I wanted you to have fun for once, but also because… well, because I love you, and I thought a romantic setting might make it easier to tell you that.”

“You love me?”

“You haven’t noticed?” He retorts with a meek smile. “I’m not the best at words, but I know that I’ve loved you since we were children feeding turtle ducks in the pond and playing tag in the gardens. You have the purest heart of anyone I know, the sweetest smile, you are everything to me. I hope that by accepting this gift, you’ll be accepting me as someone worthy enough to be your boyfriend.”

“Oh, Zuko…” you murmur softly, eyes full of tears as you throw yourself into his arms and hug him as tight as humanly possible. You’re still shocked by the fact that the boy you love will all your heart feels the same, but you try to remind yourself not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Zuko is right when he says that you deserve to enjoy what life has to offer just as much as he does, so maybe it’s time you finally start allowing yourself the chance to finally let your guard down. You can be more than just a servant girl from the palace.

You can be happy.

~~~

You sit quietly before the vanity mirror as your mother tediously brushes through your hair to ensure not a single strand is out of place. The wrinkles in her skin crease with her nerves as she carefully begins to pin your hair back into the perfect top knot. Immediately after your return home from Ember Island, you were informed that the Fire Lord wished to speak with you. You were expected to drop your chores for the day and make yourself decent before presenting yourself to him. His request to see you surprised you considering the fact you previously believed he didn’t even know of your existence, but it made you nervous all the same. If anything were to go wrong during your meeting, you’d be jeopardizing both yours and your mother’s jobs.

“Make sure to sit up straight and no slouching,” she reminds you quietly while stopping to admire her work. “Hold your tongue until he allows you to speak and thank him for all he has done for us. It is a great honor to speak to Fire Lord Ozai, so you must treat it as such.”

“Mother, what could the Fire Lord possibly want to talk to me about?”

She doesn’t meet your eyes at first, looking away as if contemplating carefully what her next words should be. With a sigh, she sets the brush down and looks at you through the reflection. “Word has spread quickly about you and Prince Zuko, and I think he knows.”

You swallow nervously at her admission, absently brushing your fingers against the sun that hangs around your neck. You never once considered what Zuko’s father would think about his son’s choice of a partner; Ursa had always treated you as one of her own, and Azula considered you to be a good friend, but what would Ozai say of the peasant girl who had stolen his son’s heart?

You don’t have much time to mull over it further as a guard arrives to escort you from your quarters to the throne room. All eyes seem to follow you as you walk through the palace, the gold and red hues overwhelming your senses as you do your best to remain calm. You have no idea what awaits you at the end of the hallway, but there’s no escape now as the grand doors open and you’re pushed inside.

Ozai sits on the throne with a wall of flames roaring behind him. His features are stoic but his gaze is menacing as his eyes watch your meager form approach. You immediately bow in respect to the man once you reach him and kneel before his seated figure. Just as your mother instructed, you say nothing until you are spoken to.

“So you’re the girl my son has chosen to be his partner?” He drawls with a raised brow, obviously not impressed by the person before him.

“Yes, sir. It is an honor to present myself to you, my Lord,” you profess as earnestly as possible while adding another bow for good measure. You need his approval not only to continue dating Zuko, but also to ensure you and your mother are both able to continue living behind the palace walls. Even if you are there as servants tucked away in the peasant quarters, it certainly is a better place to be than out in the streets.

“I know who you are, child,” Ozai scoffs callously as he peers down at you from his place on the throne. “You are the peasant girl who managed to worm her way into the lives of my children. You are a lowly servant with nothing to your name and nothing special about you, and yet you have managed to corrupt my only son."

“Fire Lord Ozai, I-I apologize if my actions have upset you,” you quickly try to interject, but he holds a hand up and signals you to halt your pathetic rambling. Ozai does not have the time nor care to hear your excuses or explanations. That’s not what this meeting is for.

“Do you know how poorly it would reflect on me to have Zuko galavanting around the palace with a servant? Do you know how poorly it reflects on him to be seen with you? It’s a disgrace, and it is something I will not tolerate.”

“I know,” you utter quietly, trying to make yourself appear as small as you feel on the inside. Despite what Zuko has told you, you know that his father is right. You are nothing compared to him. He is the sun, the Prince, the heir to the throne. His future ahead is bright, and there is much for him to accomplish. You have no future, no plans for your life, nothing as grand or important as him and Azula. You are not the sun or the moon or even the stars that hang in his sky, you are insignificant, and you will never be worthy enough to be his.

“A future Fire Lord cannot have a maid as a wife. You must break his heart so that he no longer wants anything to do with you, so that he can move on and find a girl more worthy of becoming the future Fire Lady. You must make it appear to be your own doing and not mine, otherwise it won’t work. Have I made myself clear, child?”

“Yes, Fire Lord Ozai,” you whisper softly, a single tear sliding down your cheek as you bow to the cruel man before you. “I understand.”

~~~

The clouds that hang overhead are gray as Zuko makes his way towards the servants’ quarters. It is unheard of for any royal to ever set foot on these grounds, and so all eyes watch the Prince curiously as he approaches your humble home and knocks gently on the door. Movement sounds from the other side, and after a moment he is met with the startled face of your mother. It’s clear that she hadn’t been expecting him, and he takes her by surprise when he bows to the woman in respect.

“I apologize for coming unannounced, but I was hoping I could speak to y/n,” he utters with a look of defeat on his face. His sullen features make his lack of sleep obvious, and his eyes are full of desperation. You’ve been avoiding him for weeks and he has no clue as to why, but he hopes to figure it out soon before he starts to spiral any further.

“She’s…” your mother begins to say, glancing unsurely behind her before looking back to him, “she’s not feeling well. You can come back another time.”

“But-“

“Please, Prince Zuko, we can’t risk you catching whatever it is she’s come down with. You must go.”

She gives him no time to argue before slamming the door in his face. Zuko is stunned, but his shock quickly turns to anger as he lets out a frustrated breath of flames from his mouth before stalking off to cool himself down.

His footsteps fade into the distance as he departs, and you can only sit by the window of your room and watch him walk away. There’s a tightness in your chest that makes you feel as if you can’t breathe, and once he finally disappears over the horizon you break down into an inconsolable mess.

You love Zuko with all of your heart, so it kills you to act as if he means nothing to you. You’re trying to do what Ozai has demanded of you, but it’s agonizing and difficult. You’re too much of a coward to face him and break it off for good, so you’ve resorted to avidly avoiding the Prince at all costs. You hope that by pushing him away he’ll take it upon himself to end the relationship; it would be much less painful that way, but he’s too stubborn for his own good, and he’s persisted despite your best efforts.

The days seem to blend together as you lock yourself in your room while your mother continues to turn Zuko away. You haven’t done any of your chores or worked in days, but Ozai has not faulted you for your incompletion of tasks. Breaking Zuko’s heart is your task, and so long as you keep your word he couldn’t care less what you did with yourself.

After another week has passed, suffocation finally catches up to you and you’re forced to leave your room in order to get some fresh air. You sneak out at nightfall when the palace is quiet and your mother is sleeping so that no one can detect your presence. You retreat to the well out in the back and stare contemplatively into the water below. Clutching the sun that hangs from the gold chain around your neck, you admire the moon’s reflection in the ripples and wish you could be anywhere else but here in the Fire Nation.

“I thought I’d find you here,” a voice utters quietly, causing you to jump in alarm at the intrusion. You turn to meet the solemn gaze of the Prince, and as your back hits the cool stones of the well you find that you are cornered. You can’t avoid him now, and it’s a fact both of you are aware of.

“Zuko, I… I was just leaving,” you stammer hurriedly as you try to push your way past him, but he catches you by the arm before you can get away.

“No, not until you talk to me!” He demands, his eyes full of desperation and despair. “You’re supposed to be my girlfriend, yet you keep avoiding me. Why? Was it something I did?”

“No, Zuko, you didn’t do anything,” you insist despite refusing to meet his gaze. You’re terrified that someone will see you both together and alert Ozai, and you wish he would just release you so you could go back to hiding away in your room.

“Then why won’t you even look at me?”

Slowly, you peek your head up to meet his exasperated face. It seems he’s not going to give up without a fight, so you’re going to have to resort to doing what you’ve been trying to avoid this entire time.

“I don’t love you.”

“W-What?” Zuko stammers in quiet surprise, his hold on your arm loosening slightly. He doesn’t believe what he’s hearing from you, and his mind is scrambling to process your words.

“I don’t love you. I want nothing to do with you,” you repeat firmly, your eyes hardening as you stare up at him and yank yourself free from his grasp.

“Y/n, you don’t mean that-“

“I do mean it! I feel nothing for you, Zuko. I never have. I just felt like I couldn’t say no to you because you’re the Prince, so I had no choice but to say yes to being your girlfriend.”

Hurt flashes across his features and you’re dying inside at having to be so cruel to him. The heart of your childhood best friend is in your hands and you crush it with every word despite how much it pains you. But it’s better for both of you this way, it must be. Ozai will never let you be happy together, but apart he still has a chance to capture the promised future ahead of him. You’re doing him a favor, and you hope one day he’ll be able to see it that way too.

“I don’t understand,” he murmurs weakly, tears beginning to well in his eyes. Then, with frustration clear in his tone, “This doesn’t make any sense!”

“Did you honestly think we could actually be together?” You retort in disbelief. “Azula always said you were a fool, but I didn’t think you were this naive. A servant and a Prince don’t belong together, and you’re the only one who can’t seem to get that!”

“Alright, fine,” Zuko mutters indignantly. His sadness has quickly morphed into anger, and you hate the way it makes you feel. “Can I just ask you one thing?”

You say nothing in response, and he takes your silence as a sign to continue.

“If you don’t love me, then why are you still wearing the necklace?”

Your eyes widen slightly as your hand immediately flies to your neck to clutch the pendant, and your heart slowly begins to sink to your stomach as you realize you’ve been caught in your lie. It’s your turn now to be at a loss for words, unsure what to say as you simply stare up at him with your mouth slight agape.

“You don’t mean what you’re saying,” Zuko says firmly as he moves closer to you. “Someone else is speaking for you, aren’t they?”

“I…”

“What’s going on, y/n?” He presses gently, carefully resting a hand upon your cheek. “Why are you acting this way?”

“I can’t tell you,” you argue weakly, your own eyes becoming full of tears as you allow yourself to melt into his touch. You’ve missed the feeling of his warmth and the comfort of his closeness, and despite your mind screaming at you to remove yourself from him your heart keeps you planted in place.

“That’s nonsense, of course you can. You’ve always been able to tell me anything, so why can’t you now?”

“Can’t you just believe me when I tell you it’s for your own good?” You plead emphatically despite the wavering of your voice.

“How can this possibly be for my own good?!” He retorts in exasperation. “I’ve been miserable without you. Life feels empty when you aren’t around, and I don’t know how to deal with the fact that the girl I’ve loved all my life can’t seem to stand me.”

“It’s not like that!” You cry defensively as the tears finally begin to fall.

“Then what is it?!” Zuko demands, and you can’t seem to take any more of this torture. The lies are killing you, and you can’t help but to finally crack under pressure.

“I’m not good enough for you!” You finally exclaim as you pull yourself away from his touch. You try to choke back your sobs but the ache in your chest makes the task difficult, and you can do nothing but let your words flow freely after keeping them bottled in for weeks. “I-I have nothing to offer you, nothing that makes me special, nothing ahead of me like you do. It’s an embarrassment to the Fire Lord for you to be with me, and it will be an embarrassment for you to have me as your Fire Lady.”

Stunned by your admission, it takes Zuko a moment to process your words. He steps towards you and you flinch, effectively breaking his heart in the process. It’s clear you’re frightened, but not of him. Your fear is geared toward someone else, and the culprit must be responsible for you now feeling this way.

“Who told you such nonsense?”

“Your father,” you admit quietly much to Zuko’s dismay. His eyes immediately harden and his chest is immediately tight with anger, but he does his best to keep his emotions at bay so as to not upset you further. “He spoke to me when we returned from Ember Island and told me we couldn’t be together. Ozai demanded I break your heart so that you can move on and find another girl more suited for this life than I could ever be. I didn’t want to, I still don’t want to, but I’m doing this so that you can have a better future. I’ll only hold you back, Zuko.”

After taking a moment to digest your words, Zuko carefully steps towards you again. You don’t reject his advances this time, so he allows himself the opportunity to carefully wipe away the steady tears that fall down your cool cheeks. Despite how much of a mess you assume you must look like, the Prince still sees you as the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid eyes on.

“I don’t care what my father says,” he assures you gently as he takes your hands in his own. “You’re not an embarrassment, and there’s no other girl that could ever compare to you. I love you, y/n, and I’m not going to let anyone ever get in the way of that.”

“You mean that?” You ask with a quiet sniffle, holding his hands tight as if he’ll leave if you let go.

“Every word. Let my father and anyone else who disapproves of our relationship say what they want to say. I want to be with you, and I hope you still want to be with me too.”

His looks to you with pleading eyes that seek your reassurance, and for a moment you hesitate. Being with Zuko is all you’ve ever wanted, and now he stands here before you professing his loyalty and his love to you. The boy from your childhood had stolen your heart, and you’d be lying if you said you wanted it back.

You know being with him won’t be easy, especially not with his father’s adamant disapproval of your relationship, but you trust Zuko, and so you have to trust that everything will turn out okay. You meet his desperate gaze and gift him a faint smile, and despite knowing you’ll regret this, you wordlessly lean in to meet his lips in a kiss.

You can worry about Ozai’s wrath later. But for now, you allow yourself to melt into his embrace by the moonlit well as you share your first kiss in weeks. It feels right being in his arms once more after spending so much time apart, and you hope you’ll never have to be without his touch ever again.

| zuko tags: @ilovespideyyy @yiyibetch @eridanuswave @lammello @a-monsters-love @taeeemin @livelaughlovekuni @lovialy @alexatiu

[cheollipop]

✾ — 𝙜𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙣 𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙧

navi | taglist

pairing: husband!park seonghwa x fem!reader

w.c.: 4.0k

genre: smut, fluff, newlyweds on their honeymoon au

song recs: golden hour by jvke, my love mine all mine by mitski, vanilla by kai

with the caribbean breeze ruffling through silky locks, leaving its salty remnants on sunkissed skin, fingers tangled in a lifetime's embrace as you adjusted to the added weight of the metal bands reflecting the gleaming moonlight. tonight, and for decades to come, seonghwa thanked every deity he knew the name of for making you his.

warnings: food/eating is prevalent in the first few paragraphs, lovemaking, soft/service dom!seonghwa, possessive!hwa fingering (f), unprotected sex (👎), creampie, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, nicknames (hwa; pretty girl, darling, love, baby, 'wife'), a lot of kisses, like fr a lot, they're both very desperate and needy and impatient and in love, it's so sappy I'm disgusted with myself.

A/N: bai @hwaightme, thank you for ideating with me all those months ago. I'm happy I finally found the time to write it out, and I really hope I was able to do hwasband (heh) justice. happy reading <3

nsfw under the cut—minors dni 🔞

A day of mingling with locals, hopping between souvenir shops and family-owned restaurants, the taste of salt in the air with the ocean breeze ruffling through your hair, hand in hand as you moved under the midday sun. Vivid splashes of colour decorated the markets, clothes and fruit—a ripe mango sitting, half-eaten, on Seonghwa’s palm—laid out on wooden booths while merchants called out to the tourists passing through the narrow pathway. The once overwhelming scent of red roses emanating from the small bouquet in your hand now dissipated under the mouth-watering spices wafting from the street food stalls Seonghwa walked you past, stopping at each one to shovel a variety of fried pastries and desserts into your mouth. 

“You should try this too,” he spoke as he excitedly fed you another bite, pressing the pastry past your lips with two fingers to make space between the rest of the food you struggled to chew. 

“Hwa, wait—mmph!” 

The man standing behind the bar chuckled to himself, golden skin hugged by the Caribbean sun and the corners of his eyes wrinkled with a lifetime of smiles. “You should listen to your husband, Ma'am.” 

You turned towards each other, eyes meeting amidst the bustling crowd surrounding you. Husband. It had a good ring to it. Taking in the pink dusting Seonghwa’s cheeks, the timid curl of his lips while he eyed you with hearts in his eyes, you wondered whether the heat warming your cheeks, the butterflies fluttering in your lower belly, and the overwhelming adoration you felt towards the man before you, were just as obvious. As though nothing and no one else existed, even within the populous market, Seonghwa stared at you with unrivalled infatuation, his hand raising to brush a smear of sauce off the side of your mouth, bringing it to his own for a taste. The fresh wave of heat flushing your face at his antics fuelled his ego, lips stretching further at your bashfulness. You were just too cute. 

Turning his attention back towards the merchant, his next order dying at the tip of his tongue as your free hand locked with his, dragging him out of the market with a quick “thank you” as you continued to chew on what was left of all the bites he’d clogged your throat with. 

You made Seonghwa carry your shoes while you wiped the food off your mouth, glaring at him as he giggled to himself, bare feet leaving imprints over soft, white sand. He guided you closer to the shore, until gentle waves tickled your soles, and rather than remnants of fine dust over tanned skin, you now carried bits of the beach with you every step you took. 

Seonghwa’s fingers found yours, his other hand struggling to hold two pairs of shoes while he pulled you closer to his side, his eyes fixing on yours before moving to scan the rest of your face, as though the shadows sculpting your features were far more entrancing than the scene unfolding to his left. Your face warmed under his unrelenting gaze, and despite your best efforts at redirecting his stare towards the changing sky—the plastic wrapped around red roses colliding with his jaw as you pushed it to the side, only for it to sway back in your direction—his attention remained on you. So you dragged him away from the water, damp feet collecting a sheet of sand as you walked further up on the beach, seating yourself and waiting for the smiley man to join you, pearly teeth reflecting the golden rays.  

The orb of light moved closer to the horizon, a gradient of oranges and pinks encompassing the breadth of the sky, twinkling stars peeking out as it darkened, still hidden behind tufts of cotton candy clouds moving with the gentle breeze. The salt tickled your nostrils, and the chill ruffled through your top, Seonghwa’s arm naturally wrapping around your figure to bring you closer, his warmth spreading through you despite the thin, white button-up covering his torso, swaying with the wind to reveal bits of his tanned chest through the unbuttoned lapel. Your hand rested over his thigh, and without a second thought, his own moved to cover it, looking down to examine the orange hue cast over metal, your wedding rings clanging against one another while the setting sun graced the interlocked fingers with the last of its warmth. Lifting your head back up, you took in the universe’s breathtaking show of love as the sun kissed the horizon goodbye, bidding its farewells as they parted for the night, beginning its decent into the pool of tears it’d left behind, its reflection making it appear whole.  

“Pretty,” you breathed out, watching as pinks shifted to purples, and the stars shone through disappearing clouds.  

Seonghwa hummed, the deep baritone dragging your attention off the collision and to the sincere eyes mooning over your profile. Heat flooded your cheeks once again, and with the cooling breeze, shifting the blame onto the summer’s torridity was no longer possible. Instead, you allowed the tranquillity gracing Seonghwa’s sharp features to drag you away from the bewitching sunset. Dark locks fanned over his forehead, stray strands following the salty gusts before falling back into place, eyelashes casting faint shadows over defined cheekbones, and plump lips forming into an easy smile as he took you in. 

He dragged your locked hands up his thigh, leaning closer to slot his lips against yours, leaving the universe to bear witness to his own show of love, with the golden, dying rays to serve as his backdrop. How many love songs had you heard say, ‘he takes my breath away’? Seonghwa did. In everything he did, even simply under his gentle gaze, you’d often find yourself breathless.  

Drawing back, hot air blew against your mouth, wide, glimmering eyes mooning over your dazed features, and after what felt like an eternity later, Seonghwa’s lips touched yours once again. Sparks flew in every direction, the world slowly disappearing around you, and you wondered how a kiss so innocent could be so intimate and electrifying, how it could light a million fires within you. Like dancers sashaying to a melody, your lips moved together as waves crashed against the sandy shore, and in that moment, it felt as though you were floating in space and everything around you had turned to dust. 

You leaned your body forward, attempting to deepen the kiss that had captured your entire being in a whirlwind of fervour and yearning, but just as you did, Seonghwa moved back. Features softened under the dying rays, he peered at you through his eyelashes for a few moments, taking in the subtle pout on your lips at the sudden parting before averting his gaze towards the locked fingers resting on his thigh. Tilting your head, your eyes wandered over the curved slope of his nose, over the feathered eyelashes and lips you’d just gotten a taste of, sensing the gentle ministrations of his hand as it fiddled with your ring. A ring you were still accustoming to the weight of, the gemstone offering a pleasant reminder of a man you now returned home to every night. A man with a million stars in his eyes, and yet preferred to gaze upon you, to moon over your very existence as though you’d crafted the universe around him with nothing but calloused hands. With scenery as breathtaking as the one before you—a celebration of vibrant fuchsia and coral—Seonghwa’s gaze never left your profile, admiring the sunset through its reflection over your skin, the shadows it carved, the pretty eyes in which it glimmered within. And just as the sun kissed the horizon while it set, and once again as it rose, Seonghwa's lips moved in a whispered prayer: to greet the rest of his days with the caress of your warm breath against his skin, carrying the thought of you as he navigated his hours, and to find you in the gentle embrace of slumber, a steadfast companion by his side. 

Your voice dragged him out of his daydreams, “what are you thinking about?” 

Gentle eyes flitted upwards to meet yours, his response nearly instant, “only you.” The sincerity in his tone, the tenderness in his eyes, the gentle sweep of his thumb over your knuckles, delicate over the twinkling stone decorating your ring finger, Seonghwa continued to ignore the world around him and solely focused on you—the gentle squeeze around his fingers every few seconds, the alluring smile gracing your lips, the slow pace in which you blinked, as though drunk on his voice, his scent, his presence. It was though he was intoxicated by you, an addict who can’t help but want more, even when you’d offered him all you could spare. Leaning towards you once again, he pressed a feathery kiss to your cheekbone, sensing the benign flutter of your eyelashes against his skin before drawing back to meet your eyes once again, hot breath mingling in the small gap between your faces as he muttered the words under his breath, “let’s go back.” 

-- 

One unsteady step at a time, Seonghwa walked you backwards into the hotel room, palm splayed out on your lower back to keep you balanced. White sand dusted off the clothes he pulled off your frame, wandering hands taking in the lingering warmth of a sun long gone. Your fingers feathered over the prominent tan lines painting his chest, faint freckles littered over the reddened skin. Flitting your eyes back to his face, you found Seonghwa’s gaze fixed on your lips. So you gave him what he yearned for, pressing them against the plush of his and inhaling the breath he’d been holding, too immersed in astral daydreams about a lifetime of you to listen to his burning lungs.  

He moved slowly, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth before letting it go in favour of pressing your tongues together, contrasting the frantic shuffling of his hands over every inch of skin revealed to him. You held him close, chests flush as you allowed him to take whatever he needed, only pulling away to slide off the bra he’d nimbly unclasped. Gentle fingers glided over your figure, squeezing and tugging at the flesh as though he’d never have the luxury of touching you after tonight, his kisses hungry as he robbed your lungs of the last of their oxygen. 

Soft sheets collided with your back, and you had only a few seconds to revel in the coolness against your heated skin before Seonghwa was back on you, tucking his face into the crook of your neck to press hurried kisses down its length. His lips moved over the slope of your breast, tongue peeking out to circle your perked-up nipple before descending the tender skin to feather kisses along your ribs. You recognized the pattern, his movements familiar as he trailed down the body he’d stripped nearly bare, fingertips ghosting over the lacey waistband hugging your hips. Soon, he’d prop your legs over broad shoulders, salivating as he buried his nose into your clit while he lapped at your dripping arousal like a starved man.  

A sense of urgency flooded your gut as he dug his nose under your bellybutton, your hand flying to his freckled shoulder with a mutter of his name rolling off your tongue. He looked up at you, pupils blown out and a sheen of spit coating his parted lips as he prepared himself for your sweet taste, his appetite growing the closer he got to your core.  

Wrapping your fingers around his bicep, you tugged him upwards, but he resisted, confusion furrowing his eyebrows, “baby?” 

“I can’t wait, Hwa, ‘want you now,” you breathed out, feeling his muscles relax under your touch and his hesitant ascend back to face-level.  

You could hear the unspoken complaint forming at the back of his throat, so you moved your hand to his nape and brought him down to slot your lips together. Desperation poured out of you, teeth clashing as you pulled him impossibly closer, drunk on the softness of his lips. You guided his hand to your clothed heat, pushing it past the waistband so soft fingers could slide through the wetness staining the white lace they’d gifted you. A muttered curse vibrated against your lips, Seonghwa’s nose nuzzling against yours for a moment before capturing your mouth in an avid embrace once again, his free hand leading yours down the lean muscle to where he needed you the most, to where his burning want strained against his briefs.  

An airy moan muffled against his frantic lips, the slight part in yours welcoming his tongue in to run over your front teeth, “fuck, ‘want you, please-” 

“Shh,” he pecked the corner of your mouth, “just for a little bit, my love.” You whimpered in protest, but he only smiled at your frustration, pressing more kisses over your eyelids, forcing them shut with the gesture. “I gotta make sure you’re ready for me, darling. I’ll make you feel so good, I promise.” 

You knew he would. From the building pace of his fingers on your clit, drawing perfect circles and sending jolting waves of long-awaited pleasure up your spine, to the trail of kisses he planted down the side of your neck, you knew he would. Forming a ‘v’ around the bud, he slid the digits down to your folds, his middle finger circling your needy hole before slipping inside. He didn’t bother with finding your g-spot before sliding in another, his unconcealed impatience evident in the quick, shallow thrusts.  

Your gaze flitting down to his middle, you pushed past the elastic band to feel his cock twitch in your palm, squeezing around his base to take in the shifts in his expression—eyebrows drawn in, lashes fluttering as he melted under your tender touch before he rested his forehead onto your chest. He used his free hand to make a quick work of sliding off his briefs—rather ungracefully, but you held back your comments—tossing them off the bed before guiding your hand back to his waiting cock. Following the throbbing vein lining his length, you were met with the obscene amount of translucent precum spurting from his cockhead, rolling your wrist and sliding the slick down the hard shaft, then back up to feel him shudder atop of you. 

“Fuck, just like that-” 

His fingers slipped out of you with a groan, and you whined at the loss, your dripping cunt clenching uselessly. But Seonghwa was smearing your own slick over the back of your thigh while pushing it to the side, spreading you apart to slot himself between your legs. You pulled your hand away before he could trap it between your burning cores, his cock sliding deliciously between your soaked folds and nudging your clit with every slippery glide.  

You reached down, placing a palm over his cockhead to trap him against you, “Hwa, hurry,” a faint whisper, you pressed down once he sunk his hips lower, and sighed in relief once the tip breached your fluttering hole.  

The slow drag as he buried himself within your heat left you in a shared trance, eyes locked and lips parted, stunted exhales mingling in the negligible gap separating your faces. Slender fingers tangled with yours, moonlit wedding bands pressing imprints into your skin as he grinded languidly into you, eyelashes fluttering but gaze never faltering off your face, revelling in the luring shifts in your features as you gracefully drowned in the pleasure he so generously gave you. Even in the dim, bluish tone the cosy hotel room swam in, you could see the abstract hearts painting his glimmering irises, Seonghwa's warm body lowering onto yours until a comfortable amount of his weight rested atop you. Despite the tenderness of his touch, the delicate kisses he peppered your face with—barely-there pecks over your eyelids, on your cheeks and down to the corners of your mouth—Seonghwa’s hips had built a steady pace, barely pulling out as he rolled them insistently, the squelch of your cunt harmonizing with the pitched pants echoing between the four walls.  

“My wife,” he muttered suddenly, dragging you away from the hazy pleasure clouding your mind and to wide, glassy eyes peering at you as though you’d parted the sea with a mere whisper. His palm cradled your jaw, curved nose nuzzling into your cheek while his other hand found your waist, fingers digging into the soft flesh as the realization dawned on him for the nth time since he’d slid the polished band onto your trembling finger. “Fuck, you’re my wife.” 

A soft giggle shook your shoulders, your hand sliding over Seonghwa’s at your jaw while the other drew lines onto his lower back. “Mm, my husband.” 

Seonghwa was a man blinded by sudden cognizance—first life or not, the universe had been astonishingly kind to him, granting him a lifetime of nights such as this, emanated by the raw desire to love. To give love, and to receive it, from a woman crafted by the heavens themselves, a woman who presented him with love’s true form. Who painted the world around him brighter, more vivid, until a life without her seemed riddled with dreary grey tones and melancholy.  

“All mine.” 

A fond smile stretched your lips, brushing your fingers through silky, dark locks while admiring his dazed features, “all yours.” 

His body heat encapsulated your form, toned arms wrapped securely around your shoulders and face tucked into your neck as measured rolls of his hips switched to frantic thrusts. Unable to move, you simply laid beneath him and took it, squeezing around him with every shock of pleasure he fucked through you, cock twitching violently between your walls as he barrelled towards his high.  

“My perfect wife,” he mumbled into your damp skin like a crazed man, “gonna give you all I have.” You scrambled to reach for his face, pulling it up to meet lidded eyes, pathetic, airy moans leaving plump lips, and he twitched inside you as you watched him fall apart. “Here—hah—here it comes, darling. Take it all, yeah?”  

Blown out pupils rolled back to reveal the whites of his eyes, lashes violently fluttering before he’d sealed his lids shut, his head tilting backwards as far as it could go as ecstasy rushed through his body in searing shockwaves, pumping his cock into you sloppily until he grew still, a day’s worth of neediness and want pouring out of him in watery ribbons of pearly white. 

You struggled to keep your eyes open, wanting to savour the sight before you: heavily lidded gaze fixed on yours, eyebrows drawn in, and spit-soaked lips hanging open as broken, breathy moans reverberated in the air separating you. You felt so full, and yet Seonghwa’s cock was still feeding weak spurts of cum into your womb, a delicate thumb rubbing soothing circles over your waist. And just when you thought he’d been milked dry, he dragged his cock halfway out of your clenching cunt and back into its inviting warmth, hissing at the sensitivity as he built up his pace until a whimper fell off your lips and you finally succumbed to the pleasure weighing down on your eyelids. 

Soft lips pecked over your eyelashes, honeyed voice ruffling them with warm exhales, “Open your eyes, my love. Let me see you.” 

And how could you refuse him such a soft-spoken request? Stars danced in your vision as you took in Seonghwa’s expression once again—hints of pain masked by overwhelming infatuation and need, as though he could power through the oversensitivity so long as he remained engulfed in your warmth.  

“Hwa.” 

“My pretty girl, my wife—” he spoke as though still in disbelief. His chest heaved, and violent shudders shook his body with the silky glide of his cock over your walls, a ring of cream forming around his base as he fucked your slick and his cum back into the used hole. “Gonna come for me?” 

Nodding frenziedly, you held on to his shoulders, sliding your hands up to his nape and into his hair, wanting to hold onto something but failing to decide on what. But then you were clamping around him, and two pairs of hands desperately clutched the other’s skin, lips meeting in the middle only to expel stunted gasps into each other’s mouths as though you were centuries-old lovers recently reunited. Seonghwa guided you through your orgasm, holding onto your trembling frame even as you tightened around his sensitive cock, two fingers slipping between your sticky bodies to rub circles over your clit.  

“Hwa, fuck—” Back arching, your nipples pressed against his, hips simultaneously seeking more of his touch and jerking away from it. 

“That’s it, baby, ‘being so good for me,” he slipped his cock out of you, a sigh of relief warming your face as his fingers continued their movement over your clit. “Look at you, so full you can’t keep it all in?” 

You followed his gaze down to your core, hips spasming as the stimulation panged at your nerves, but you found yourself transfixed on the thick stream of cum falling out of your pulsating cunt in gallops. Seonghwa’s lust-heavy eyes widened as another wave of your orgasm rushed through you, vivid colours obscuring your blurry vision before fireworks exploded behind your squeezed-shut eyelids. Your fingers grasped desperately at Seonghwa’s wrist, sensing him begrudgingly pull away to grant you some reprieve.   

You weren’t sure how long it took you to come down, to gather the last fragments of energy you had to force your eyes open, to notice the skilled hands ridding you of the knots in the aching muscles of your hips, but you felt at ease knowing Seonghwa was there to welcome you back whenever you were ready. His gaze—ever so gentle—fixed upon your tranquil features, propped up on an elbow while his body laid by your side to give you room to breathe, your chest still heaving from the force of your high. You noticed the subtle, unconscious flick of his stare down to your thighs every few seconds, taking interest in your fruitless battle against the insistent spasms jolting your lower half. 

Huffing out a laugh, you dragged his attention back to your face, and his body slid closer to yours, placing his head on the pillow beside you and watching you shift onto your side. The duvet pulled taut over sweaty bodies, shielded from the chilly ocean breeze, the arms snaked around your waist pulled you into Seonghwa’s chest, any thoughts about leaving the soiled bed dissipating within the man’s secure embrace.  

You inhaled the salty Caribbean scent off his tanned skin, remnants of the luxury perfume he’d sprayed on that morning mixing in with nature’s cologne. Before you could nuzzle closer into his neck, a gentle grip on your nape pulled you back to meet soft eyes, yours fluttering shut once plush lips pressed against your cheekbone, then your forehead, and your nose, until he found your cupid's bow. It was barely a kiss, more so a standstill as you held your lips together, pressing and nipping against the other’s sluggishly as you both fought off sleep’s insistent nagging.  

Beads of sweat slowly dried over your skin, the moonlight filtering through the cracked blinds reflecting through them before dying out. Drunk on one another, you were too occupied to notice the cool-toned shift in hues painting the white walls, missing the sun’s final farewells before it disappeared behind the horizon, and the emergence of glimmering stars to replace the striking gradient of oranges and pinks. You'd missed nature’s tragic goodbye while immersed in your own ardent union. Now, only the moon and its stars bore witness to the lethargic dance of lips hidden under the floral-scented duvet Seonghwa had pulled over your intertwined frame.

Sand still dusted slick skin, and warm breaths mingled in the stuffy space you’d cramped yourselves in, bodies flush against one another as you succumbed to the siren invite of slumber, wishing upon a lifetime emanated by such bliss, tranquillity, and ardour. 

reblogs/feedback are greatly appreciated!! ^^ apply for my tag list here (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[asmallpinkfan3]

Hobie brown and young troubled teen reader who acts like an adult.

(I probably should not have listened to mitski while writing this)

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, underage drinking, smoking, and reader not acting their age, readers parents suck so much ass. Reader also not caring if they get hurt or not.

GN reader

(Me projecting a little)

You were so motivated as a child to become something great for your self, however the family you have grown up around shattered that slowly. you got older and you watched how your parents handled their problems some included drinking, some smoking, and some were just dropping you off at your grandparents house. Since you were the youngest they slowly stopped being parents and by you were 13 they really only felt like roommates.

They didn’t even care when you came home late, didn’t care that you would disappear at hours of the night and never seem to notice the way you slowly stopped doing all the little childish things you did and slowly started taking interest in more adult things. They didn’t even notice how the beers in the box under the table were slowly missing as they had no clue you were in your room chugging down a couple as you held a spider man mask in the other hand. As your eyes dimly lit by the light outside the window of the night sky, you knew that any “innocence” was slipping and all you could do was watch it melt away as you nursed the rim of the beer bottle to your lips and you downed another gulp.

The nasty taste causing you to shut your eyes and scrunch your face up as you shook your head. You had drank two before hand, why was the taste not going away and why did each taste worse then the one before? When you finished the bottle you threw it under your bed for the night until in the morning. As you got comfortable the watch on your arm tingled and you groaned softly as it’s Miguel sending you another message saying that you and Hobie were going on a mission.

With a heavy sigh and small curses leaving your mouth you got into your spider suit and grabbed your mask as you locked your door before seeing the orange portal appear in front of you and so with a few stumbling steps you walk in it. When you got to the spider society Miguel and hobie stood there, you looked at Hobie and prayed he wouldn’t be able to smell the alcohol on you. As you walked over to him and he gave you a small smile as you gave him a nod.

“Hey it’s been a bit huh mate?” He asked with a chuckle, his cockney accent strong as you and him swung through the streets of his universe. You could barely answer as the alcohol was really having an effect on your small mind as you landed and ended up stumbling into a wall slightly. “You ok-“ “I’m fine.” You cut him off with a growl and he seemed surprised as you stormed past him as you shot a web into the air again and looked around for the anomaly you guys needed to catch. As he swung behind you you felt dizzy, you really shouldn’t have drank 3 beers when you’re not old enough to take it well huh?

This landing was worse then the other one as you full on stumbled forward and hit the ground and Hobie immediately landed beside you. “Mate, what’s going on?” He asked more seriously as he held your arm slightly, not too hard to hurt you but enough to keep you there. “Nothing is wrong hobie I’m just tired”. You lie and then he sniffs the air, shit. “Y/n, you drunk?” He asked as he looked down at you. “…what if I am it’s none of your business, it’s no one’s business but mine.” You replied as you yanked your arm out of his grasp.

“It’s just that you’re a little young-“ “so fucking what?” You cut him off again as you glared at him under your mask. “It’s not good for you.” He said seriously concerned for you, he honestly saw you as a little sibling so he wanted to make sure that you weren’t out there dying or anything. “It’s not good for me?” A dry laugh escaped your mouth as you peel your mask off and look up at him. “I don’t care what’s good for me and what’s not it’s my decision not yours”. God why were you so stubborn? “Y/n, if you don’t stop you’re gonna die at a young age”.

He says trying as he looks into your eyes with a soft but stern look in them. “So what if I die it’s not like I’m missing out in anything.” You replied with venom before walking around and “patrolling” when you just grabbed another beer that you found from some shady guy in an alley way while Hobie looks for the anomaly. You were a feind for anything to hurt you as you chug the beer down and soon return to Hobie and about 5 minutes later you’re sobbing in an alley way, you’re at the stage where all you can think about while drunk is how much of “a fucked up child” you are and how you wished you didn’t do this.

“Y/n, you gotta stop-“ this time he cut him self off as he turned a corner the annoyed expression he had with you leaving and abandoning him immediately softened as he saw you in the corner of the alley sobbing. You looked like a small child who had just gotten their toy taken away as he approached you softly and kneeled. “Hobie what’s wrong with me, why can’t I act my age why can’t I be normal and not smoke weed and drink to feel something?” You asked inbetween sobs as he slowly hugged you holding you like a small child as he just sat there with you. “Because you were forced to grow up to fast.” He spoke softly rubbing your back and you held him back as you felt pathetic, crying in his arms a second time.

He didn’t seem to mind as he held you and rocked you slowly and softly, he just sat there with you until you felt better and when you stopped sobbing he helped you off the cold alley way ground and you two continued the mission and soon headed to his camp boat that he’s made his home and you got comfortable on the couch and ended up sleeping there for the night. He ended up placing a blanket on you softly so you wouldn’t be cold, in this moment you just laid there safe from everything and for once you didn’t feel like an adult stick in a kids body but you felt like a 13 year old for once being taken care of by their “older brother”.

(I dont like this one as much as I did the hcs tbh)

[hahnspoetrywrites]

My Love, Mine All Mine

A/N: HELLLOOOO!!! I'm back! Sorry for the loooooooong period of inactivity. I was struggling to write for a while but some good good friends of mine helped inspire me and this is the result of that. My writing my be rusty so apologies if it's a bit meh.

Also NEW FANDOM!!! Natasha O'Keeffe... if you're free next Thursday I have a day off and I am totally 100% free.

Lanfear x fem!reader

Warnings: kissing, fluff, lots of touching, mentions of violence... nothing graphic I don't think, Moiraine isn't nice in this, reader is female but I tried to keep it as neutral as possible.

Title inspired by the Mitski song of the same name, Lanfear would listen to it and think of her love I KNOW IT

Tagged: @baubeautyandthegeek

You don’t remember falling asleep, but as you woke up you felt soft fingers tracing along your scalp, another gentle hand holding you close to someone tightly. You shuffled in closer to them but kept your eyes shut, hearing them exhale a laugh. 

“Still feeling tired, my darling?” Lanfear muttered gently against your head, making you smile where your head rested against her shoulder. You nodded your head against her shoulder once you were comfortable, feeling her hold you tighter. 

If you could, you wouldn’t ever leave her embrace, she was always so warm and gentle, not like the Forsaken you’d been told about so often. Moiraine had warned you she wasn’t to be trusted, but you’d seen a completely different side to her, one you couldn’t have imagined. When those Whitecloaks stormed Falme and Lanfear saw you in danger, being chased by some of those wretched men, she had to step in. You were too busy watching them to notice the tall, raven-haired woman not too far ahead of you. You stumbled into her, but she caught you with ease. You hid your face against her shoulder as you heard the men screaming, not daring to turn and look at them, or whatever this woman was doing to them. She held you close without thinking.

“Are you alright?” She asked gently, wondering how you were left alone in the midst of an attack. 

“Y-Yes… I think so. How did you-” The woman began pulling you away from the destruction and fighting and into the tower, finding a room that was secluded enough the two of you wouldn’t be found. 

“Who are you?” You asked, watching as she turned her head to face you.

“And why would you need to know that?” She’d turned her whole body to face you now, allowing you to look at her properly for the first time. She was gorgeous. Pale skin, bright blue eyes, long black hair that fell against her back. You’d never seen a woman so gorgeous.

“Hello?” She clicked her fingers in your face to get your attention, not missing the slight blush that crept up on her cheeks at the attention, nor the bashful smile she gave you.

“Sorry… I just wanted to know who saved me so I could thank them properly,” You replied, still looking at her in awe of her beauty. Her hand gently touched your cheek, stroking it with her fingers. 

“Lanfear,” She spoke quietly, as if muttering her name was dangerous. It was an unusual name, but still pretty nonetheless. You smiled at her as you told her your name. 

“A pretty name for a pretty girl,” you blushed. The screaming began to die down from outside, both of you listening intently. “Hmm… I think it’s safe to go back out.” You suggested, her hand still holding your cheek gently. 

“Maybe, I think we should stay here a little longer. Just to be safe,” She’d moved closer to you, noses almost touching. 

“I think that’s a smart idea,” You agreed, finding yourself more drawn to her by the minute.

Surprisingly, you spent most of that time finding out about each other, Lanfear asking you more questions than her answering yours. After a while you both decided to emerge, Lanfear holding your hand ‘as a way to protect you’, she’d said. Not that you didn’t want her to, her hand was soft and warm. You both stood, dotted amongst the crowd as the banner was raised across the sky in fire, the Dragon claiming himself. You watched as Lanfear smiled proudly and you couldn’t help but smile at her. She glanced over at you, smiling brighter as she tugged you closer with her hand. She pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek as her arm snuck around your waist. You could feel the blush rushing to your cheeks as you leant against her. 

Later on, when you and Moiraine found each other in Falme, you’d spent most of the time talking about Rand and what had happened. When you mentioned a dark-haired woman saving you she stilled. When you told her who’d done it, she looked exasperated. 

“She cannot be trusted! She’s a Forsaken, one of the Dark Lord’s most powerful soldiers. And you’ve been aimlessly flirting with her?!? I never took you for an idiot, but this is a stupid move from you.” Moiraine’s words stung, the harshness of her tone breaking your heart. You couldn’t see how Lanfear could be that person. 

“She isn’t like that Moiraine! She wants to see the world and explore, she wants to make this world a better place. If she is a Forsaken, then she’s the nicest I’ve ever met! And if she’s really as evil as you say she is, why did she save me from Whitecloaks? Why did she protect me and hide the pair of us away from them until it was safe?”

“There may be an ulterior motive that we’re not seeing… I don’t see what she would gain from having you in her grasp. Hardly the strongest channeller,” Moiraine kept laying down harsh criticism after harsh criticism, so much so you fled the room after a while, not wanting to listen to it anymore. You walked the streets of Falme haphazardly, the tears blurring your vision until you bumped into someone.

“Oh- I’m so sorry, I- Lanfear?” Lanfear stood before you, arms holding your shoulders gently. The second she saw your tear stained cheeks and felt the way you were shaking, she whisked you away back to her room. Her arms wrapped around you so tightly, feeling you sob into her chest made her heart shatter. She’d have to make whoever hurt you like this pay.

“Who did this to you, sweetheart?” She asked you, once again her voice light and soft, making you question how she could be a Forsaken.

“Who hurt you like this? I can’t stand to see anyone hurting you like this,” Lanfear pulled away, brushing your hair behind your ears before holding your cheeks. Her thumbs wiped at the still falling tears.

“I-It was Moiraine. She- she told me you’re a- a Forsaken. Is it true?” You looked her in the eyes and saw fear creep into them. 

“I am, darling. But I promise you, I mean you no harm. All I wanted to do was save a pretty girl from a bunch of evil men, I didn’t expect to find her so beautiful and charming.”

She smiled at you so softly, her lips leaving a featherlight kiss above each of your eyes, the soreness from crying disappearing. 

“She told me you must’ve had an ulterior motive for saving me. But it couldn’t be for my channelling because I’m not strong enough, can’t be connected to an Ajah, there’s no way I’m powerful enough to become one. I’m not that pretty, I don’t have any good or royal connections… I’m-“ She cut you off by kissing your lips gently. They were soft, featherlight yet almost dominating. She knew what she wanted from this kiss and she would have it. And you’d let her take it.

“I don’t want to hear you say anything negative about yourself like that… Ever. You’re beautiful, and from what you told me earlier, brave, kind and smart. As for channelling, well, you’ve got me. I can help you train and keep you safe. I can protect you from anyone who wishes to harm you. Even that little Aes Sedai. If you want me to?” Her eyes were expressive, showing the clear desperation she felt to keep you safe. You couldn’t deny you felt automatically safe around her, wanting to stick by her side. Especially after the way Moiraine spoke to you. You nodded, wanting her to keep you safe for as long as she could, before she kissed you once more. 

You both spent a lot of time running from Moiraine and Lan, staying in the most obscure places you could, exploring the world as much as you could at the same time. That’s what led you here, to this small cabin in the middle of the woods. It had been quiet and sweet, almost romantic without the given circumstances. As Lanfear’s fingers continued to massage your head gently, you smiled, feeling content with her in that moment. 

“When did you get back?” You asked, feeling guilty for missing her coming home. 

“I’m not sure, you were asleep. I didn’t have the heart to wake you, you looked so peaceful. And I know it’s been hard for you to rest,” Lanfear watched you snuggle up closer, moving your head to rest gently on her chest. 

“I find it hard to sleep when you’re not home… or at least when I don’t know where you are. I don’t want anyone hurting you,” You didn’t want to admit the truth to her. The fear you felt whenever you were travelling between places was inevitable, but when she was gone, your fear increased tenfold. She cupped your chin with her fingers softly, before turning you to face her. 

“Baby, it pains me far too much to be away from you. And I’ll always, always come back to you no matter what. I can’t bear to think about your little heartbroken face. Thinking about anyone even thinking about hurting you makes me want to unleash the true extent of my power upon the world,” Lanfear kissed the corner of your mouth, the softness of her lips always surprising you. You moved a hand to cup her cheek, pulling her even closer to you. Your nose almost bumped her own, much like when you were first together in Falme. 

“And that little Aes Sedai won’t be finding us for a little while,” Lanfear’s breath was hot against your face, her lips claiming your own gently, before you pulled away softly.

“What do you mean?” you asked. Part of you was slightly concerned at what she might’ve done to Moiraine and Lan, but most of you was happy to finally have time with Lanfear that wouldn’t be cut short by their sudden appearance or needing to leave so they wouldn’t appear. 

“They aren’t injured or hurt… I may have lured them into the Waygate and blasted them back to their starting point in Falme. We deserve a little time together, I haven’t been able to spend any real time with you. My precious girl,” She chuckled gently as you pulled her in for a kiss. Your lips took charge this time, moving yourself so you were on top of her, straddling her. She laughed into the kiss once more, having never seen this side of you before. 

“That means we’ll actually get to spend time together without having to worry about them?” You asked in disbelief. You couldn’t believe you had this time with her uninterrupted. 

“Well, the closest Waygate to where we are is five days by horse, even longer on foot. And the Waygate to Falme may temporarily be out of action right now thanks to a cute little spider.” Lanfear trailed kisses down your face to your neck, gently sucking the skin enough to leave a little mark. 

“Remind me to thank the Spiderling for that,” Your voice caught in your throat at Lanfear’s softness, her hands holding your waist as she moved her lips down to nibble at your exposed collarbone. 

“What about my thanks? I’m the one who led them off our trail… and blasted them through the Waygate back to Falme? Don’t I get a thank you?” She teased, pulling away from you to look in your eyes. You rolled your eyes softly before giving her a peck on the lips. 

“What made you think you weren’t going to get a thank you?” You kissed her once more, before moving down to her neck. She still had her usual clothes on, trousers and a loose shirt. As you worked your way down the skin exposed by her open shirt she sighed contentedly. 

“I love you, my darling.” Lanfear’s voice shocked you, making you pause and look her in the eyes. Her eyes began to fill with fear before you smiled back at her, leaning up to kiss her one more time. 

“I love you too, my Forsaken.”

[zmickmilk]

Ur having a laugh right.

ME AND MY HUSBAND IS NOT SOME HAPPY LOVE SONG. And as much as I love love love mitski you really think MICKEY MILKOVICH is putting her on ?

GONNA EXSPLAIN WHY THIS IS WRONG NOW.

'Me and my husband' can ofc like all songs be interpreted differently. I'm gonna explain the interpretation I most strongly agree with (this is also from what I've seen is a pretty common interpretation). I'll also talk about how it doesn't relate to gallavich.

It starts with a heavy sigh. Straight away, you get a tired and negative feeling from the song. This alone is enough (imo) to tell that this isn't gallaviche's song because in what world would either of them start talking about their husband with a sigh? Mickey and Ians' relationship is the strongest it has ever been once they married. If anything, they should be having a sigh of relief because they finally get to be together.

Although the instrumentals are rather upbeat, the lyrics carry a sombre tone. "So I bet all that I have on that furrowed brow" comes to mind straight away. You have furrowed brows when ur angry, maybe upset/confused. One of her husbands noticeable traits is a thing of negative connotations. You could see this as a hint to her husband being abusive. Neither Ian nor mickey are abusive, so would not fit this role within the song.

These lines come across as almost desperate. Sure, you could see this as her lighting up as she sees her love, but to me, it's more than that. She feels helpless when he's not around. She only have value when her husband is with her / she needs her husband to feel validated and worth something. Maybe she's nothing but she has her husbands loves and she desperately hangs on to that to feel for herself. Mickey and Ian don't have that dynamic. They are both self-assured people by themselves.

To me this song feels like she is clinging to a relationship because she doesn't feel sustained by herself. She's trapped chasing the feeling of being loved. It has this undertone of "yeah he doesn't always treat me right but I've been with him so long ik he loves me in their somewhere and I am nothing without him so I'll stay" feeling to it. Its almost like she's been broken down by her husband so that see needs him and sees she's that but not enough to leave.

The slight repetition of "we're sticking together " affirms this for me. She's tired from start to finish trying to convince herself to hold out hope that her marriage can change. She can still be loved by him.

"At least in this lifetime" is a way of showing that she doesn't really want this. In another life, she would rather leave. Maybe she's scared to leave, and she's waiting for another life for the courage. Does any of this song like gallavich to you? Gallavich are desperate, sure, but they are desperate to finally be able to show love, not receive it.

Saying mickey relates to this song would be trying to say that he feels like nothing when Ian isn't around. The idea that mickey is only a love interest is irritating enough as it and u think he sees himself that way too?? I know mickey would get this song more than surface level. I mean, the man was a radiohead fan as a teenager. So, no, I don't think he relates to it.

I think if any relationship fit this song, it would be mandy and Lip.

This was super yappy, but I'm not all that concerned. Listened to me ans my husband on repeat while writing this

[akucat]

i love you, haven’t i always? where various bungou stray dogs characters react to you saying that you love them for the first time

❥ note: PLEASE NOTE there are manga spoilers in tachiharas part (which also happens to be my fav part, listened to a pearl by mitski while writing it... you can do the math), also ik this is such a weird collection of characters (kinda?) but i thought welp if im writing this for myself i might as well write my fav characters ! enjoy <3

❥ pairings: chuuya dazai nikolai tachihara fyodor tecchou x reader (separately)

chuuya

he feels like the luckiest man in the world, he finally understands all those cheesy proposal speeches 

it happens as you’re cleaning up some of his small wounds, a scrape here and there after his job

“you should really take more care of yourself, chuuya,” you say, dabbing away the dried blood on his forehead (to be honest you weren’t even sure if it was his)

“i could say the same for you, you know, too busy cleaning up my mess when you should be focusing on yourself”

“oh hush, i’d much rather spend time tending to the man i love than doing paperwork for mori”

you were expecting a witty remark, but instead he went silent, removing your gaze from your delicate work to watch his mouth form an ‘o’

your cheeks went red as you finally registered the words that came out of your mouth, but chuuya was quick to calm your worries

“took you long enough,” there was the snarky remark he probably could’ve pulled off the nonchalant act if he didn’t have the biggest shit-eating grin, eyes glistening with awe

“i’m taking it back, lose the ego”

“im kidding! i love you too!”

he may be damned wasting his life away to the port mafia, being abandoned by those he cared for, but he was pretty certain loving you was going to make up for it, he knew it would

it was hard to finish cleaning the rest of his wounds when all he wanted to do was kiss you a million times over

dazai

his first initial thought was that you were lying to him 

hes been used his whole life, he really just thinks youre playing with him

was this a prank chuuya put you up to? he doesn’t rly think its funny :[

but he watches as your eyes quiver with uncertainty- why would you be nervous over such a silly prank?

“ah you don’t have to say it back dazai! i just wanted to tell you..!” youre playing with your hands in your lap and then it hits him

youre not like those horrible people who used him, you’re his darling partner and you love him

he feels his heart shatter and he can’t tell if it’s because of his initial reaction - believing you would ever want to cause him harm - or because he’s overwhelmed with so many emotions that he just can’t contain them

you’re nearly as shocked as he is as you watch him wipe way the tears under his eyes, and you’re quick to apologise, you weren’t expecting him to be so upset over your confession 

“oh belladonna don’t worry about me! i love you too, my darling” 

he swears he can feel his heart slowly heal all its cracks and bruises as youre smiling the prettiest smile he’s ever seen, moving to kiss his tears away

tachihara

he doesn’t want to believe it at first

it’s not that he doesn’t trust you, it’s just that his work is dangerous and accepting his feelings about you would end up only causing you harm, in reality he should’ve pushed you away ages ago

but that’s exactly the problem, he was too selfish to push you away, and here you are, in his shitty apartment with that goddamn bandaid over his nose and you had finally told him those words

he doesn’t know how to feel- he feels guilty because of course you feel this way, he has been leading you on for months knowing full well that commitment wasn’t possible on his behalf, but he also hates that you’re telling him when hes like this - this isn’t him, this is mafioso tachihara, this is hunting dogs tachihara simply acting a part, a part of a greater, grander scheme that is supposed to result in the downfall of the port mafia; the downfall of you

he wishes you could’ve told him when he was simply just tachihara; before he joined the hunting dogs, before he joined the port mafia as a mole, before his brother died, but to be honest he wasn’t entirely sure that you’d tell him those few words - i love you, tachihara - if he was still that version of himself

so instead he decides that he’s going to be selfish just once more; the world had taken so much from him, surely it would be okay to take something for himself just this once

he closes the gap between your figures, resting his forehead on yours as he swallows his emotions, his regrets and burdens

“i love you too, y/n”

the world could take everything from him, but he would never let it take you

nikolai

he’s ecstatic, you’d think he was a teenage boy thats just heard his crush likes him back

“really! you do!?”

he’s grabbed both your hands in his, and you can only smile as you watch him struggle to contain his utter bliss; grinning so hard the corner of his eyes were crinkling, eyes shining with what could only be described as pure adoration

“of course i do, kolya, i love you”

hes just so elated he doesn’t know what do do or say, and you giggle at his reaction because hes so happy and you’re so happy and being in love with him, you think, is the best feeling ever

nikolai eventually decides the only thing he can do is tackle you in an embrace, smothering your face with kisses and he holds you tight in his grasp

his entire life had felt so purposeless, he’d never known what to do with himself, but he truly, finally felt as though he’d found his freedom

you were his freedom, you introduced him to so many colours, so many emotions he hadn’t even known existed before he met you

he’s not the insane, apathetic man everyone had made him out to be, he was nikolai gogol, a man bursting with so many feelings and emotions who’s only reaction was to pepper his lovers face with kiss after kiss after hearing such a beautiful confession that he had completely forgotten to-

“oh right! i love you too, y/n! i love you!” 

he was nikolai gogol, the man who had the blessing of loving you

fyodor

it’s like every nerve in his body is telling him: NO, this is a HUGE red flag, abort immediately

and i mean, this is the fyodor dostoevsky we’re talking about, when is he ever wrong?

he know’s he isn’t wrong, either, and that’s whats eating at him

he knows he’s right but he so desperately wants to be wrong, just this once

he knows he cant accept this, no he cant hear you out this once, you’re wrong about all of this, you’re wrong and he’s right

you dont love him

it just isn’t right

but his body seems to be doing the exact opposite of his intentions, and he has absolutely no idea why he feels his cheeks warming up

he has to control himself, because god forbid he go against his intuition, he’s the genius after all-

“fedya...?”

how could he ever say no to you

you’re his everything, his darling, his light in this plagued world, how could he ever possibly hurt you?

he wants to be chased by you, eluded and teased and adored; he wants to drink tea beside you in 10 years while you laugh about the problems you were once so troubled over

he wants to dream of you, keep all of you inside his mind, his physical, personal mind

he wants you

he softly chuckles at your desperate demeanour, how could he be so cruel, keeping you waiting for so long?

he moves his hand to cup your chin, tilting your face upwards to his own

“i love you too, milaya”

you fool he thinks, why couldn’t he just follow his intuition?

tecchou

he short circuits, poor him, you’ve broken him

he literally struggles to conceive a proper thought let alone speak a coherent sentence

“tecchou...?”

“say it again”

“i love you?”

congrats, you’ve killed him

he feels like his heart is beating out of his chest, he’s certain you could even hear it from this distance (he’s so happy jouno wasn’t there, he could not deal with the teasing, not today)

and then something clicks in him and everything comes crashing down at once

you love him you love him you love him he loves you he loves you he loves you

he does what he first thinks to do, pulling you in close by the waist and kissing you and ohmygod you can feel him smiling against the kiss

to be honest you don’t even want to let go to catch your breath, you’re certain you’d be happy dying like this- being kissed to death by your lover, tecchou

he finally lets go of you and you watch as he stares at you for what feels like an eternity- and you don’t complain, how could you? 

"i”  kiss “love” kiss “you” kiss “so so much” kiss kiss kiss

you’re a blushing mess and youre certain you both look like a bunch of giddy idiots who are so enchanted by the other that all you want to do is kiss forever and ever, and you’re pretty sure tecchou would do exactly that if he could - goddamn humans and their need for oxygen

tecchou always was misunderstood for the most of his life, his special ability certainly didn’t help his case of alienation either, but he was more than happy to catch up on all those years with loving you

he pulls you in for another kiss

[polite-pandemonium]

[LISTEN] -  always an angel, never a god - a Shoko Ieiri playlist that very much is meant to represent her post chapter 236. Sad tunes by female musicians. Also - female rage. Gege doesn't seem to want to show us her feelings, so I will do it through song! All songs are Shoko centric, but some definitely could be directed towards either Satoru or Suguru or both!!!!! I tried to have this sort of follow a narrative that takes place pre, during, and post the Shinjuku Showdown arc, while making sure the music still flowed. IDK, I took this very seriously lol. Tracklist: 1. I don't like my mind - mitski 2. in hell - japanese breakfast 3. final girl - chvrches 4. days of oblivion - metric 5. not strong enough - boy genius 6. doomsday - lizzie mcapline 7. both all the time - faye webster 8. you always get what you want - the japanese house 9. when was that? - angus and julia stone 10. only the strong - laura marling 11. girls against god - florence + the machine specific lyrics for each song under the cut!

I don't like my mind | mitski I blast music loud and I work myself to the bone and on an inconvenient Christmas, I eat a cake a whole cake all for me and then I get sick and throw up and there's another memory that gets stuck inside the walls of my skull waiting for its turn to talk and it may be a few years but you can bet it's there waiting still for me to be left alone in a room with the things that I've done a whole cake so please don't take take this job from me

in hell | japanese breakfast with my luck, you'll be dead within the year I've come to expect it there's nothing left to fear, at least there's that and under the fluorescence, another sterile room where no one ever tells you just how clinical death looks and I can't unsee it the two shots it took hell is finding someone to love and I can't have you hell is finding someone to love and I can't see you again

final girl | chvrches swallowing the seeds of sin we sewed into the ground keeping secrets until everything became a bit too loud I would wash it down, I could drown it out by filling up the silence with an organ sound and by writing sentences I used to think were quite profound and it feels like the weight is too much to carry I should quit maybe go get married only time will tell in the final cut in the final scene there's a final girl does she look like me?

days of oblivion | metric all the times that now and then appear as only dreams all the stuff from way back when that's coming up don't self destruct you don't have to call for the wrecking ball or burn the world to ashes all you have to do is ask me to I'll stop you where the descending stairs drop I've unlocked all the doors and I've lost all the keys and I live in a mansion made up from memories I know I need you don't ever leave me I'll never leave you behind I know you need me the way I need you I'll never leave you don't ever leave me behind not strong enough | boy genius do you see us getting scraped up off the pavement? I don't know why I am the way I am not strong enough to be your man I lied - I am just lowering your expectations half a mind that keeps the other second guessing close my eyes and count always an angel, never a god I don't know why I am the way I am there's something in the static I think I've been having revelations coming to in the front seat, nearly empty skip the exit to our old street and go home go home alone doomsday | lizzie mcalpine doomsday is close at hand I'll book the marching band to play as you speak I'll feel like throwing up you'll sit and stare like a goddamn machine I'd like to plan out my part in this but you're such a narcissist that you did it on Halloween I had no choice in the matter why would I? it's only the death of me both all the time | faye webster will I stop crying for once? it's hurting my eyes there's a difference between lonely and lonesome but I'm both all the time I'm loneliest at night after my shower beer and I'll go to sleep without turning out the lights pretend like somebody's here you always get what you want | the japanese house and you've left now but it's better that I know you're gone and I breathe out dizzy from the last hour of holding on and does he do right by you? and does he work so hard? I know you'll miss me, but you'll call me back you always get what you want when was that? | angus and julia stone I wonder if you can hear me wonder if you can feel my heart beating now I wonder if things will be okay wonder if things will keep changing will I fall down? take me back to when things were easier take me back to a place where I belong take me back to a place that feels like home when was that? only the strong | laura marling we've been here a thousand times wish I could go back and find letters I wrote you in my mind perhaps I could unknot us from this awful bind hope that you can change my mind had to leave this crying all behind I hope that you don't think that I'm unkind just somebody told me only and only only the strong can survive

girls against god | florence + the machine if they ever let me out, I'm really gonna let it out I listen to music from 2006 and feel kind of sick but, oh god, you're gonna get it you'll be sorry that you messed with this oh, tell me it's not over yet and in my darkest fantasies, I'm the picture of passivity waiting for you side of stage suppressing all my private rage oh, it's good to be alive crying into cereal at midnight and if they let me out, I'm really gonna let it out when I decided to wage holy war it very much looked like staring at my bedroom floor but, oh god, you're gonna get it you'll be sorry that you messed with me

[theolddivorcedzukka]

I am asking about your zukka mitski playlist because my interest has been peaked !!

hi anon i am aware that this ask was sent on july 1st and your interest is no longer piqued so oops and sorry :(

here is the playlist link in case u still want to listen to it and ill talk about it a bit under the read more!!

hiiii so the funny thing about this playlist is that it was from before i even started posting about divorced zukka but i still had the headcanon of zuko and sokka dating when younger, breaking up, and then getting back together as middle aged adults. the playlist follows that exact same sequence cause im too lazy to write the fic so this is my way of writing the divorced zukka fic

ok so im not gonna explain the whole thing but I'll try to be a bit brief about what the songs talk about without getting into Why cause i know i'll be here for hours if i do so

1-3: sokka's section. it is set in canon and the vibe here is "i need to be strong, i need to be brave and tough like my father, like a real man, i have depression, i need to be the warrior, i do all the protecting but who is going to save me, i'm just asking for a kiss, one day i am going to die, etc"

4-9: zuko's section. set in canon up till "working for the knife" which is about him being firelord which suuuuucks. ehh you get the gist of it he is flawed, he is fucked up, he doesn't know what he wants, he is the forest fire, he is watching himself burn, he just needs something that will fill him up, etc and then he is crowned firelord and he gets worse but in a different way

10-11: classic sokka and zuko parallelism. hungry to be something they cannot be, thinking that that thing is what they should want, that that is what they are really hungry for. Wrong

12-13: set in the boiling rock. both would be from sokka's perspective and first love late spring is there because of how zuko holds sokka back from doing this reckless thing alone and end up killing himself "one word from you and i would jump off of this ledge im on baby. tell me don't so i can crawl back in" and heat lightning is about sokka surrendering and giving in to accepting that he needs help, he can't do this alone and so he allows zuko and co to carry this load with him and work together to get out of tbr

14-15: zuko and sokka start dating years after the war. "come into the water" is basically "come here, let's take this risk together. we both know it could be a mess but we don't really care about that right now, tell me you want me to do this and i'll come into the water with you" and for a while, it is all good. sokka and zuko start falling in love, they start taking care of each other, thinking that they can heal like this together and it'll all be good. there is still some issues in there like sokka's protectiveness that can end up hurting him "while you sleep, i'll be scared. so by the time you wake, ill be brave" but during that period in their relationship, they feel like nothing can get to them as long as they're together in their safe space.

16-18: the problems arise. they both knew that this had to be secret because of zuko's position, homosexuality being illegal in the fire nation, the assassination attempts that could worsen if the truth came out, and both their reputations but it's hard keeping it secret when they wish they could be like this not only behind locked doors. as well as that, sokka feels inferior here in the fire nation and it's not just the way the court talks about and at him and the way he's treated because of the fire nation's racism, it's that feeling that in a way he is betraying the water tribe, his family, his mother, everyone. what is he doing here in a nation that caused him and everyone so much harm? and he can separate how he feels about zuko from how he feels about the fire nation but it feels wrong sometimes, they feel like the same person sometimes.

18: this could also be seen as the proposal gone wrong or what leads up to it. they both aren't talking things through with full honesty, they try to avoid conflict cause their relationship is their one good thing at the moment. "sorry i can't take your touch, it's not that i don't want you" is basically sokka refusing the proposal to me. those aren't his words, they both just burst out at each other and make it all a mess. and sokka wants zuko but he can't sacrifice himself to spend his whole life there in a nation that he just doesn't feel right in, which might be one of sokka's few "im doing this for me" moments, and so this ends their relationship. huzzah.

19: breakup song. thinking that's where you loved me. me too zukka

20-21: classic zuko self-deprecation momence. "when you leave me, i should die. i deserve it, don't i?" and "i don't blame you if you want to bury me in your memory, im not the boy i ought to be" etc

22: sokka's lament. "i know i ended it but why won't you chase after me?" i know that this is what i must do but why won't you come back and try to change my mind? what if you just don't care anymore? why didn't you stop me even if we both know that we can't change this?

23: "you're my best friend now i have no one to tell how i lost my best friend" no comment

24: aghhhh this love is a star it's so gone now it's so over

25: we are so back!!!! as reluctant friends. this is zuko and sokka's first formal reunion together where they actually sit down together and awkwardly talk and pretend they don't have feelings. they are both lying when they say they haven't told anyone ofc they have. in my mind, this is when zuko has izumi now and they're catching up and trying to be friends again

26-27: that doesn't fucking work, they don't want to be friends. they always want each other when they think they're finally fine, they're both foolish to bet on this "whatever it is" when they know they're bound to lose. they want each other but they can't have each other, they hold the cards, they have a chance but taking that risk could ruin everything

28: oh my gooood fuck it let's hook up for old time's sake but also we both know that this shit won't go anymore but let's take this chance only for today (becomes a frequent thing every time sokka visits)

29: sokka has a realization and finds out that zuko still does have feelings. he wanted him but he couldn't reach sokka again, he's been keeping all of him in his memory to try to keep that love and now Sokka knows. oh shit wtf what now?

30: zuko and sokka have a talk. they have a small moment. maybe there is slow dancing involved. it really was foolish of us to think that we could stay the same. it would be so wonderful to go back to when we were younger, that short time was beautiful while it lasted. we both know that there is love in here but it can't happen again. im sorry

31: SIKE!!!! WE ARE SO BACK FR THIS TIME. you are the one i want, you're the one i've got, i'm not wasting this one lifetime without you. i will be the one you need, the way i can't be without you

32: zukka undivorced arc baby zukka back together. i know i've kissed you before but i didn't do it right, i haven't kissed you the way i should. let me kiss you like it used to be, not hurried or desperate, let me do it right and let me try again and again and again until we get it right. maybe there is no way to get it right and perfect but they still kiss so it's a perfect excuse

33: zuko and sokka retire, zuko ends the monarchy, they run off to the water tribe together just like they planned from the beginning. they could be anywhere but it doesn't matter where, they just want to be still with each other

34: *sokka voice* yue i just had a weird prophetic dream so if i die, look after zuko for me

35: sokka death scene amv. zuko loses sokka forever this time and there's no coming back now. he doesn't know how to be strong anymore if sokka isn't here to see him

36: zuko death scene amv. go get your stupid death on a rocking chair all calm and peaceful, old man

37: end credits

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

heyy ari!!

i hope you're having a splendid and enjoyable day today. wanted to ask a very important question‼️

what are your five current favorite songs and/or artists?

very curious to see your favs!!

- 🍒

HI 🍒 ANON !! it’s nice to meet u!! this is a great question…. i’m gonna b honest though when it comes to music i. kinda live under a rock? 😭 i didn’t even start thinking abt my favorite artists until a couple years ago… so that’s. a thing.

i can never keep track of my favorite songs but i do have a couple artists i love that come to mind!! :33 so!! in no particular order……

1/ yorushika

actually i lied yorushika is in fact my number one always and forever if yorushika has a million fans i’m one of them if yorushika has one fan that’s me if yorushika has no fans that means i am no longer on this earth. yorushika is a jpop/jrock band consisting of n-buna (songwriter/musician) and suis (vocalist) and they mean the whole galaxy to me their lyrics are so insanely good i use them for writing inspo all the time and in general they’re just?? so good??? their songs always feel so bittersweet and nostalgic and the instrumentals are soo incredible…. this is my favorite band of all time they fr changed my life i highly recommend checking out any of their songs/albums bc they have literally never missed. I Fucking Love Yorushika.

my favorite songs of theirs are blooming in that summer / hachigatsu, bou, tsukiakari / replicant !! :3 i have a million other favs but i’ll leave it at that..

2/ the front bottoms

i love these guys so bad i do….. i actually know literally nothing abt the band itself but i adore their songs and just. how scratchy and cool the vocalist’s voice is!! idk i’m not good at explaining it i just love their songs sm!! :’3 they have a very specific vibe to them that i can’t pinpoint but it does make me feel like a rabid dog so there’s that <33 if u have any form of daddy issues i’m sure u’ll love them (they’re also EXTREMELY stsg coded hello…)

my favorite songs of theirs are be nice to me / father / funny you should ask !! :3

3/ mitski

we all saw it coming let’s be real i don’t know a single queer jjk fan who doesn’t love mitski we literally owe her everything? jokes aside it actually took me some time to warm up to her songs, at first i only loved her lyrics but eventually i saw The Light. her songs have this specific melancholic vibe that i’ve never found in anything else and i eat it up every single time ….. i adore her instrumentals and her voice and obv her lyrics !! i resonate a lot with them AND i associate them w lots of jjk characters (especially sugu wbk he’s a mitski girlie).. i just really love her !! she’s Mother always and forever :)

my favorite songs of hers are goodbye, my danish sweetheart / a pearl / i’m your man !! :33

4/ ricky montgomery

RICKYYY MY ANGEL ON THIS EARTH i love him so bad. :( he makes me happy. his songs are so comfy so cozy so lovely i just adore them……. they’re very winter-y but also very summer-y i just love them a lot!! and i think his interactions w the jjk/sk8 fandoms are so funny he’s my emotional support artist i think i would probably kill if he asked me to

my favorite songs of his are cabo / california / line without a hook !! :3

5/ beabadobee

what can i even say abt her…. she’s my goddess i think. beabadobee is like mitski in that her songs just have this specific Vibe that nothing else has and it makes me yearn so bad… sooo nostalgic and vibrant i just think she’s so ridiculously good !!! her songs never fail to make me lose it entirely i listen to them often while writing too !!! they’re soooo catchy and wonderful <333

my favorite songs of hers are don’t get the deal / apple cider / cologne !! :3

[nice2michuu]

Wasn't me: Leon Kennedy x Chris Redfield (Resident Evil)

I listened to the new Mitski album while writing this. This whole fic is based off an inside joke my friend made, but I honestly really like how it turned out. I hope you guys enjoy!!! Meme at the end!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TWs: Alcohol, pew pews, language, mild nsft mentioned

Leon Kennedy and Chris Redfield are running away from a hoard of zombies, the whole situation takes an odd and emotional turn...

The two men run through the abandoned facility, their panicked footsteps thundering down the withering hallways. Zombies screech and tumble after them, desperately clawing over each other for the taste of human.

"Shit! I'm running out of ammo!" Chris Redfield yells out to Leon, turning back to shoot at the mob of zombies behind them.

"There should be more in a room somewhere. I could have sworn i left a box in the room on the left a few halls down." Leon yelled back in response.

"Now why. The FUCK," Chris slammed into the wall and brought a large shelf down to delay the infected hoard behind them, making a loud crash before he continues his sentence, "WOULD YOU DO THAT!?!?!?!?"

"I'm...I'm drunk off my mind, man..." Leon huffed while catching his breath, "I wish I never agreed to do this.." Chris could smell the alcohol coming from Leon's breath.

Chris looks at Leon with a disgusted and horrified expression after realizing he has a new liability to take care of (Leon). He catches his breath for a moment, his hand on his knees. "Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!?"

"You KNEW THIS when you dragged me out here, CHRISTOPHER!" Leon retorted, taking out a flask from the inner pocket of his jacket and taking a swig.

Chris immediately slaps the flask out of Leon's hand, "Get over yourself, Kennedy!" Chris begins to walk down the hall again, looking for the room Leon mentioned he stupidly left his ammo in. The ammo the two so desperately need at the moment, because the zombies are starting to break through the shelf separating them from the two agents.

"Who pissed in your cereal?" Leon mumbled while picking up his flask from the ground and drinking the last of the alcohol inside. He is visibly getting more intoxicated while walking ahead of Chris, finding the room with the dropped ammo first.

Chris grabs the ammo quickly and walks out of the room, looking at Leon who waited outside the doorway of the room. He looks at the drunk agent with disgust and starts to say something witty before being interrupted.

"Your fly is down..." Leon hiccups and rubs his eyes. Chris stops in his tracks, dropping his expression and looking down at his pants.

His fly is down. Chris's baby blue rubber ducky boxers are peeking through the fly. Redfield zips up his fly awkwardly and looks at Leon with pursed lips, "Oh, okay..thanks."

Leon smirks, his gaze landing at Chris's crotch, "Were those rubber duckies?"

Chris groans with exasperation of his intoxicated friend and glares at Leon, "Stop staring, you gay fuck."

Leon's eyes widen and he makes an offended expression, "You drag me out of my well deserved vacation, make me fight these fucking zombies again, and expect me not to be pissy about it?"

Chris has had about enough and points a finger at the sassy blonde, "You're too drunk to think properly but sober enough to be a smartass? Get your shit together before I make you zombie-bait, Leon. For fucks sake."

Leon stops talking, looking at Chris's finger, then into his eyes. The pause elicits a moment of tension between the two, whether it was animosity or romance is debatable. The drinking agent only stares, his crystalline eyes darting around the facial features of his sober companion. Leon starts slowly raising his pistol, moving closer to Chris.

"L-Leon, what the hell are you doing..?" Chris breaks the tense silence with a softer voice, eyeing Leon's gun. He backs up with growing cautiousness and a dawning feeling of doom and betrayal: but there are only so many steps Chris could take back before he walks right into the shelf and hoard of zombies behind them.

Leon doesn't speak, he only moves closer and gazes at his companion with narrowed and blurred eyes.

Before Redfield could question Leon again, he finds himself in the embrace of the drunk and depressed agent. Chris feels Kennedy's calloused hand rest on the back of his head. Leon's stubble lightly abrades his partner's shoulder. The two feel each other's heartbeat; one pounds with confusion and fear, the other is calm and steady.

Leon shoots his pistol past Chris, shooting some zombies that manages to pass through the blocked hall. Chris tries to look behind him in disbelief, relieved that his fears of betrayal were not true; but instead Redfield is caught completely off guard.

Leon moves Chris's head so that the two men are face-to-face, his eyes are filled with the determination and life they had when Leon first started out. Chris notices the revived spark in Leon's eyes, even if it was only for a moment. An odd feeling of nostalgia and grief washed over him, seeing the Kennedy he knew when they were rookies.

Leon ends the lacuna of soundlessness with a soft murmur, his words barely heard over the cracking bangs of his pistol shooting the infected creatures--that were once man--behind his partner.

"Wasn't me.."

Chris's eyes flutter closed with repose and acceptance as Leon's lips meet his.

[vanderwoodlings]

You can’t make people love you: a Blair Waldorf playlist (x)

Text version of the tracklist (and commentary) under the cut

1. “Being Good Isn’t Good Enough,” Barbra Streisand. Like, uh… hello Blair’s thesis statement on life. I also love the sound of it as a Blair kind of energy

1. “Being Good Isn’t Good Enough,” Barbra Streisand. Like, uh… hello Blair’s thesis statement on life. I also love the sound of it as a Blair kind of energy

2. “Everybody Wants To Rule The World,” Tears For Fears. Turn your back on Mother Nature/Everybody wants to rule the world

3. “homecoming queen?” Kelsea Balllerini. Well, Blair was prom queen, but close enough. Does it get hard/To have to play the part?/Nobody's feeling sorry for ya

4. “Headlock,” Imogen Heap. You say too late to start/Got your heart in a headlock/I don't believe any of it

5. “Running Up That Hill (Deal With God),” Kate Bush. As Blair like. Literally does

6. “I’m Not Calling You A Liar,” Florence + The Machine. I'm not calling you a ghost/Just stop haunting me/And I love you so much/I'm going to let you kill me

7. “Paper Bag,” Fiona Apple. I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy/Whose reality I knew, was a-hopeless to be had

8. “Money Changes Everything,” Cyndi Lauper. I mean, it’s Cyndi Lauper. Who else goes on a Blair playlist? But also I was thinking a lot of that cynical classism that dogs her mindset, especially after the last couple songs

9. “Dolls Parts,” Hole. I want to be the girl with the most cake

10. “Brand New City,” Mitski. I think my life is losing momentum/I think my ways are wearing me down/But if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn't know how to be alive

11. “I’m Not an Angel,” Halestorm. Who else could love what I’ve become etc etc. Can't help myself/From hurting you/And it's hurting me

12. “When You Break,” Bear’s Den. You keep begging for forgiveness/But you don't think you've done wrong

13. “You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid,” The Offspring.

14. “Hollywood,” Jukebox the Ghost. I love the play between Blair as the singer, and Blair as the audience, in listening to this. Like, You want Hollywood/And this is real life in both that cynical, manipulative self and that hopeless romantic who literally envisions life in film self

15. “The Heroine,” Unwoman. I asked just one thing of you, to be here/Did I not let it slip that I was sincere?/That was my best poker face, trying not to care/I watch and I wait while you never appear

16. “Envy Green,” The Arcadian Wild.

17. “Cop Car,” Mitski. You know, I don’t actually listen to Mitski but making these has almost gotten my autocorrect to accept her name? I get mean when I'm nervous like a bad dog

18. “Oh No!” MARINA. I always feel like I’m the worst/So I act like I’m the best

19. “The Walk,” Imogen Heap. No, it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all/I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault

20. “Losing My Mind,” Montaigne. It's over, I'm fine (I'm fine)/I'm fine/I'm fine/I'm fine/Then I start crying

21. “Winter Bird,” AURORA. I’ve talked a little in a few of these notes about Blair and her dream sequences, and this song isn’t… quite as directly evocative of their content as some of the others, but I liked it in that way

22. “GIRL,” Maren Morris. If vanity's my vitamin, well, I don't feel the difference/I don't like myself right now, gotta find a way out

23. “Bad Man’s World,” Jenny Lewis. It's a bad man's world/I'm a bad, bad girl

24. “Heartbreak Hotel,” Whitney Houston, Faith Evans, Kelly Price. Since you're not around for me/To tell you, baby, face to face/I'm writing you this letter/And this is what I have to say/All I really wanted was some of your time

25. “Everybody Loves You,” The Chicks. mrs-nate-humphrey called this post-series Blair vibes and like. Yeah

26. “I Will Survive,” Gloria Gaynor. I should have changed that stupid lock/I should have made you leave your key/If I'd have known for just one second you'd be back to bother me

27. “Yesterday,” Tammy Wynette. We needed a non-chuck sad romance song. Also, Blair’s drunk karaoke song is Tammy Wynette! (But it’s “Stand By Your Man,” which I find depressing both in and out of context)

28. “Everytime,” Britney Spears. Every time I try to fly, I fall

29. “King,” Lauren Aquilina. There's so much more/You can reclaim your crown/You're in control

30. “Final Girl,” CHVRCHES. In the final cut (In the final cut)/In the final scene (In the final scene)/There's a final girl (There's a final girl)/Does she look like me? (Does she look like me?)

[lesbianlotties]

1, 3, 12, 13, 15, 19, 23, 25, 27! If that’s not too many! Or just answer what ones you want to!

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

like. technically i already answered but i'll take it as an opportunity to mention another face. my Ronance x The Conjuring AU! although I was burning, you're the only light my beloved

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

i just remembered so many beloved scenes ghsjdfhgjdf the fight in the rain where nancy throws robin her ring she kept for weeks after robin broke a guy's nose with it for nancy in make my menace into someone you'd adore. or robin and nancy welcoming max into their home with a bat and a gun in If it's bringing me down lmao

12. favorite character to write about this year

Robin. Robin. Robin Buckley my beloved!!! and a little shout out to Wednesday Addams <3

13. favorite writing song/artist/album of this year

i hope i'm not completely misunderstanding this and it really is about music i listen to while writing... anyway!! i'd say pretty much 90% of my fics these years were written while listening to Maya Hawke/Lucy Dacus/Florence and the machine/Mitski as if the titles weren't enough to guess hgjdfhgjf

15. something you learned this year

I LEARNED SO MUCH 😭 i can't say just one thing. hm. i learned.... well, i knew but i make myself remember that writing fanfic is not a waste of time and as long as i enjoy it it's definitely worth it!! and i definitely enjoy it. i learned to stop overthinking about the number of comments and instead picturing every kudos as a person standing in a room and wow that really helps!!! i learned that a. posting something anonymously is fun but also b. being bold and posting something publicly is also fun. i learned that i should start keeping bookmarks 😭 i learned that having a beta reader can be so so helpful and also fun!!

19. any new fics to start next year

I WILL WRITE THE MERMAID BAR AU I WILL!!!! and also a very very special super secret projecy that i unfortunately i have to finish writing completely before posting it but i WILL DO IT

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

hmm surprisingly i can't think of anything for ronance. but!!! the Yellowjackets x The Wilds crossover of my dreams... it could still happen!! what else... oh i wanted to write something for Gunpowder Milkshake and I had such a clear idea for it and then i didn't write it 😔 and!!! i still think about my Fear Street x Squid Game AU because that would've been my best fic ever and yet 😭

25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read

what if i said... YOURS dancing in the moonlight

i really want to share more but i have awful memory and i dont even keep bookmarks because i'm a mess i'm sorry 😭

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

okay we're back to bad memory and no bookmarks but i remember cityseeker deeply affecting me so there goes another shout out!!!

fanfic end of the year asks

[superbattrash]

can you write a story inspired by the song once more to see you by mitski plsss would really appreciate it!!!

[sweats nervously] Disclaimer: I don't know Mitski's music so this is the first song I've ever listened to of theirs. Here's my best shot, dear anon. I hope this is something along the lines of what you were hoping for. I, of course, went off track again though, I apologize. 

Clark:

The sun is setting, the last low beams shining through the windshield. The yellow rays hit the edge of Batman’s jaw, illuminating the five o’clock shadow and the remnants of a bloody lip. He flinches slightly when he rearranges himself in his seat. Clark turns his head away to keep from glancing at him every few seconds. It would’ve been easier, faster even, if Superman had just flown Batman home, but that’s not procedure. Batman insists he’s fine and Superman is in no position to argue with him, not when Batman’s still conscious enough to argue at least. Clark Kent on the other hand… he’s burning up with worry for his lover. Clark knows he’s not supposed to show it, that he’s supposed to stay level-headed. They’ve had this discussion so many times he can argue both sides without even taking a breath.

It’s not about them being together, this much Clark has understood after countless arguments – Bruce really does need to work on his communication skills. Or, more likely, they really need to work on their communication skills. It’s not just Bruce who has a hard time expressing himself clearly, after all. Bruce isn’t embarrassed of Clark, but he is a private person.

Clark knows Bruce worries about what people would say. Not because there’s anything wrong with their relationship, but because he’s spent years building a reputation and he’s afraid it will somehow affect Clark negatively. Clark doesn’t care, but he’s not the one with two sons and a company to think about. He’s not the one who has to make the big sacrifice.

Bruce tells him it’s not a sacrifice, that he loves Clark. Clark believes him. Still, some days it’s hard. Days like today, when Bruce has been hurt on a mission and Clark isn’t allowed too close to him. He can’t be too obvious; he can’t worry like a lover should. No more than he’d worry about any of the others. He’s argued that he’d care just the same if Diana got hurt, but he knows it’s a lie. He wants to care equally, but this is Bruce. Which is why they have the rules. Keep it professional on missions.

While Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent may be able to come out one day (and Clark really hopes that day comes sooner rather than later. He would really like to take Bruce on a proper date), it’s different for Batman and Superman. It’s another link that may be exploited and it will mean less time together in their superhero lives. Distance, Bruce has explained many times, so that they can’t be connected. Clark understands and he agrees, at least to a certain degree. They can’t reveal their identities, and if keeping their relationship a secret means that he gets to spend more time with Bruce, he’ll endure it.

Some days are easier than others though, and Clark hates that he can’t just sit next to Bruce and hold his hand, offer him some sort of support. He hates that he can’t just reach over and grab Bruce’s jaw, turn his head to the side to get a proper look at that split lip.

It takes all of his strength not to follow after Bruce the second they land. He knows the rules though. Leave separately. He flies towards Metropolis but halfway there he changes his mind. They haven’t made plans today, haven’t had the chance to with the rest of the League suddenly needing their help, but Clark doesn’t care. He wants to be with Bruce, make sure he’s okay. It takes him less than a minute to reach Gotham; he’d been flying halfheartedly towards Metropolis, but there’s no such hesitancy when he knows he’s flying towards the manor.

Bruce is waiting for him. He’s already mostly out of the batsuit, which means he’s ready to be them again. Clark is apparently not the only one who needs to feel close tonight.

“Are you okay?” is the first thing out of Clark’s mouth. It makes Bruce roll his eyes but he’s smiling too, so Clark knows he doesn’t mind.

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“No, Batman told Superman he was fine,” Clark argues.

“That’s-” Bruce sighs and it looks like his shoulders drop a whole two inches. He’s exhausted then. Too tired for their usual banter.

“Okay,” Clark says gently. He then opens his arms up. He knows better than to drag Bruce into a hug when he’s this tired. It’s like approaching a wounded animal, he has to let Bruce make the first move. Well, second, seeing as Clark is standing close enough that Bruce really only has to let himself fall forward into Clark’s arms.

And he does after about two seconds.

Clark knows he doesn’t have to say anything. He’ll just hold Bruce for as long as he’ll let him. Bruce often jokes that Clark won’t ever get to be Superman if he’s busy coddling Bruce. Clark wouldn’t mind, he’d make it work. Bruce would never ask that of him, which is one of the reasons he loves him so much. Clark brushes the hair out of Bruce’s face and looks into his bright blue eyes. They’re so different from his own, lighter, colder, but no less beautiful. They’re not always easy to read, but what Clark sees in them now is nothing but love and adoration. He holds Bruce’s jaw and gently rubs a thumb over his cheekbone, feeling Bruce sigh in response.

All he’s ever wanted is to love loudly and with pride in his chest. That’s what he feels when he looks at Bruce. Like he could explode with the need to tell people about him, about them.

“You know I’d shout it at the top of my lungs if you asked me to, right?” Bruce says softly.

Clark jolts, he didn’t realize he’d said that last part out loud. It takes him a moment to register Bruce’s words, but when he does, he can’t help the grin on his face. Of course, Bruce would go to the extreme, shouting from rooftops, announcing it big and bright, while all Clark wishes for is them to be happy and out with their friends and family. He doesn’t mind waiting, there’s nothing to lose; in the end he will still have Bruce. Bruce will come up with a plan that will leave no awkward questions and Clark loves him for it. Loves him so much it sometimes hurts. He can’t help but lean in, brushing his lips against Bruce’s, careful not to put pressure on the cut from earlier. Clark tries to put every emotion into the kiss. Every thought, every feeling he can muster up. He tries to tell Bruce that he will wait for an eternity if he has to. He knows Bruce would never let him wait that long, but he would, nonetheless.

Clark feels Bruce smile into the kiss, a small and warm one, that one he reserves just for Clark. He knows they’ll be okay, even on the harder days, they’ll be just fine.

Bruce:

The sun is in Bruce’s eyes, and he twists in his seat to avoid the brightness. The movement pulls at his injury, and he tries not to groan. He feels Clark’s eyes on him and knows he’s unsuccessful. Even through the cowl he has to squint to see Clark’s features, the light blinding him from outside, but he still knows that Clark is looking at him with worry written all over his face. He’s too easy to read, but that might just be because Bruce has made it his mission to understand every single expression Clark has ever made. He knows it must be the pain talking, but Clark looks even more beautiful than usual in this light. It suits him, brings out the best in him. Not that there’s anything bad in Clark Kent. As he sits there in his chair, eyes meeting Bruce’s through the lenses every now and then, Bruce feels his chest tighten. He can’t believe he’s lucky enough to call this man his.

The flight home is the longest he’s ever taken. He knows, logically, that it’s because someone else is piloting and that he really just wants to get into a hot shower. Preferably with Clark by his side. Or back. Whichever is more convenient with his injuries.

What makes the flight even more unbearable is the fact that he can’t just sit next to Clark and lean on his shoulder. He made the rules, he has to follow them. He’s very close to just jumping into Clark’s arms (he knows Clark likes when he gets to carry him, and it’s not like Bruce doesn’t like being a little pampered sometimes, so neither of them would mind) and demanding he fly them back home. But again, rules.

Bruce can’t remember the last time he cursed his own rules this much.

If he’s being realistic, it was probably the last time either of them was injured on a mission and Bruce’s stupid rules forbade them from leaving together. They need the distance if they want to keep their relationship secret, but as Bruce’s temple starts throbbing, he can’t really be bothered to remember why that’s so damn important.

Thankfully Clark isn’t as weak as he is and Bruce leaves for Gotham on his own. He’s not so injured as to not being able to drive, but it’s not exactly comfortable. It doesn’t take him many minutes to get out of the batsuit when he arrives at the cave. He’s just tied off the bandages around his middle when the silent alarm is triggered. He doesn’t have to turn to the monitors to know who’s there. He pulls his shirt back on and takes a few steps towards the entrance he knows Clark will arrive at.

Bruce had expected Clark to at the very least go home to change before coming by, but he doesn’t mind seeing him sooner. There’s been something in the air all day and he feels like his lungs aren’t working properly. It’s pathetic of him, really, but being near Clark makes breathing easier. Alfred tells him that’s what it’s like being in love and even though Bruce knows it to be true, he can’t help but frown. Being in love has never felt like airy, this… fluffy. It's not that he minds, it’s just unfamiliar to him. It's heavy and light at the same time and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

That is, until Clark shows up.

Of course, Clark asks if he’s okay, he always does, no matter how many times Bruce reassures him. It would annoy him if it wasn’t so endearing. The comment about being Batman and Superman makes him sigh. He’s tired. He just wants to be Bruce for a while. Bruce with his boyfriend, partner, whatever title Clark prefers. He should really ask, but it doesn’t seem important enough to disturb the silence between them when Clark opens his arms.

Bruce knows Clark won’t take offense if he rejects the hug. Bruce isn’t much of a hugger, or at least he wasn’t until he started dating Clark. Now he looks forward to spending hours upon hours in Clark’s arms. It doesn’t take him any time at all to let himself fall into Clark’s embrace. It feels like coming home. Proper home, the kind Bruce has never even let himself dream of. Clark is that and so much more.

Bruce hooks his chin over Clark’s shoulder and closes his eyes. He breathes in and out slowly as his arms encircle Clark’s waist. It feels like all tension leaves his body as soon as he’s touching Clark. Another one of those ‘in love’ symptoms, he knows. He doesn’t mind this one either. He pulls back when Clark brushes his hair away from his face, but only enough to be able to look at his face.

Clark looks at him with such warmth, such love in his eyes, and Bruce can’t look away, has never been able to look away from those sky-blue eyes. There’s an otherworldly quality to them that Bruce wouldn’t even begin to know how to describe, even if you gave him all the time in the world.

“Tell everybody about you, about us,” Clark mutters as he rubs a thumb over Bruce’s cheekbone. It’s something he does to soothe them both.

It’s so quiet that Bruce nearly misses it, but then he realizes what Clark’s said and his heart aches. He knows it’s an awful thing he’s asked Clark to do. Keep them a secret. It’s not fair and Bruce wishes he could take it back, take back the promise he had made Clark make him.

“You know I’d shout it at the top of my lungs if you asked me to, right?” he asks, because it’s true. He’ll find a way to live with the consequences. He’ll find a way to balance Bruce Wayne and Batman better. He’ll find a way to make it work, if only to have Clark in his life for good. For life. For however long Clark will have him.

Clark jumps at his words, but Bruce doesn’t take them back. He waits patiently for his words to sink in. When they do, Clark doesn’t answer him with words, doesn’t have to at this point in their relationship. They’ve been able to read each other long before they became lovers. Clark smiles broadly at him and when his lips meet Bruce’s, they’re still stretched in that grin.

It’s a kiss that lets Bruce know it’s okay. That they’re okay. Clark will wait, he’s in no hurry. It’s as soft as a butterfly’s kiss and as strong as Superman himself. It’s a kiss full of promises, of ‘somedays’, of everything there is to come. Because they’re not done, not by a long shot. They’ve only just begun.

[brainmoss]

Making a new post just because the other one was getting a bit long and I dont see myself being brief either. I was tagged by @sometimes-i-talk-a-lot! Thank you so much!!

Rules: You can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, and then tag 10 people. No skipping! 

(but i really liked everyones live comenting and ill do it too : D)

(and also ill cheat a bit because i dont have one playlist with everything ive liked, i have several for diferent moods, so ill shuffle through those however many times i need until i get the 10, still no skipping though!)

1. Tell You by Graham Kartna. I'm pretty sure I found this song because of a sfm animation but I don't remember what!

2. Washing Machine Heart by Mitski. First song by Mitski I ever heard :,) At the time listened to it so much I would start slapping my thighs or clapping the rythm at random moments

3. What's Your Pleasure? by Jessie Ware. Amazing vibes, amazing sounds, amazing video. I should probably check out the artist.

4. The Closing Of The Doors by Róisín Murphy. Welp, nothing I can say rn :,)

5. Suspended in Gaffa by Kate Bush. Pleasant surprise when I first heard it! Love all the diferent ways her voice can sound.

6. My Girls by Animal Colective. This song hits so many spots i like! The soft synths, the acoustic(sounding at least) drums and drumsticks, the singing in a group, etcetc

7. tony thot by bbno$ (prod. lentra). I found this artist because of a youtuber's outros. Fun fact: his face is super similar to my sibling's, freaked me out when I first saw him ahah

8. Mais Uma by Filipe Sambado. just. one of those songs ye know (currently containing myself not to scream sing and wake up my parents). the instrumental is really good too, i could talk so much about it, this artist is one of the inspirations for a paper I want to write

9. Oliver e Benji (1ª Abertura - Portugal) by Hiromoto Tobisawa (Not sure about the translation but the whiplash isn't letting me go look for it right now ARE YOU SURE I CAN'T SKIP ANY omfg). So thats an intro for a cartoon i watched as a kid, its on a playlist with a section just for nostalgia. Excuse me while I go listen to other cartoon intros now ahah

10. Dead Of Night by Orville Peck. Oof what a way to finish this up! Amazing voice and it's an entrancing/hypnotizing song. Everytime I hear this song I can't do anything but sit there and listen.

tagging @heavenknowsffs @communistprickbiscuit @yikesss @calicake @baffledbassist