#literally and figuratively

[k0fii]

Mutual Love and One-Sided Obsession

Love is mutual and that's the fundamental difference of MiziSua and IvanTill. That's what Ivan understood in his final moments - and that's why he said his feelings were shallow.

Prefacing this, not really an analysis but more of a personal connection and overview of the songs of alnst, with a quote from Richard Siken on love.

"If it was unrequited, it wasn't your first love, it was your first desire. You've got all your loves ahead of you. That sounds pretty great to me."

My Clematis; Love and the Significance of a Duet

My Clematis is a song that stands out amidst all other Alien Stage performances. Not only because it's a duet with the intentions of a tie, but also because Mizi and Sua are singing this song to and for each other. Instead of catering to the audience before them, they look to each other. In an act of defiance, they love each other. Sua sings to Mizi, as Mizi sings to Sua and this performance isn't for anyone else but them. It's beautiful, enchanting and Sua's death is made more painful by that love that's so clearly shown to the audience. Even as Sua is taken away from Mizi, nobody can deny the fact that they love each other. That the feeling between them was undeniably love.

Unknown (Till the End...); Idolization

In juxtaposition to My Clematis' heavy focus on the duet between Mizi and Sua, UTTE makes it a point to show how Till takes the spotlight all for himself one-sidedly, not even allowing his opponent to sing. In a way, this represents the extent of Till's idolization - only his feelings, the admiration for this idealized version of Mizi he has in his head are sang and borderline shouted out. The other singer is drowned out in Till's intense voice and declaration of love;

"Ain't nobody but you're the one that I'm feeling it's love"

However, Till fails to realize that the thing he wanted - Mizi's gaze to look back at him too - is rooted in reciprocity. It means allowing the other singer to get their voice out, it means allowing this preconceived notion he has of her in his head to be shattered by the reality of who Mizi truly is. UTTE is a representation of how Till's deluded image of Mizi overpowers the reality he currently lives in, it's a form of escape for someone who has always been shackled by chains.

It's a contradiction present in the song itself;

"I wanna know all about you (ya)"

For all Till sings that he wants to get to know Mizi, he never attempts to get closer to her and always, in his view of her, she's far away like an idol he can't reach. Like a god to a sinner that needs saving. It's the first desire of wanting to be saved, of wanting a saint to reach out their hand to you. And that first desire, as much as Till proclaims it to be love for its intensity, is known as something that's not love, something closer to obsession because of that very same intensity. Because that intensity prevents him from loving who Mizi truly is apart from who she represents in his head - again, it drowns it out.

Black Sorrow; Unrequitedness

Black Sorrow starts off with an admission; Ivan can't reach Till. He'll always follow him, even if he recognizes that all this will end in is tragedy. He constantly speaks of an absence - foreshadowing of Cure perhaps, but also of Till leaving him and turning back, of Till always choosing to not stay by his side, to chase for an unreachable idol. To the viewer, Black Sorrow is a song solely focused on Ivan but we can see in the video that Ivan allows his opponent to sing - a representation of his subservient nature but also perhaps of the fact he sees Till. He allows Till to sing out in deafening roars and sees him for what he is, and admires him for that. In contrast to UTTE's idealistic nature, Black Sorrow is very much rooted in reality. Till is pointedly not awake during this song - once again, he doesn't see Ivan but also he is not woken up to the reality that Ivan forces him to face. If not rooted in love because of the acknowledgement of unrequitedness, then what is Ivan's desire? It's to drown in his chosen black sea of sorrow.

Cure; Obsession and the Significance of a Duet

Ivan and Till both sing to someone who is not listening, they both sing to someone who is not looking at them in contrast to My Clematis.

"Dissolve me in your gaze

...

Please, leave me scars

Please, hurt me so that

Not a single drop of me remains

Let me drown in you"

Till wants to drown in the fantasy he's created for himself - going back to the sinner analogy, he wants everything of him that he views as wrong cleansed by Mizi's saintly presence. For once, Till lacks the same conviction he did before - he's pleading now, and asking as if praying to a dead god. Maybe it's because he thinks Mizi is gone, maybe it's because he thinks he's beyond saving.

"May they linger on your tongue

You can break me apart

...

I'll drown in you"

Ivan remains the same, steadfast in his determination and doubling down on his declarations in Black Sorrow. He doesn't ask - he knows his 'love' is unrequited, but that he will drown in it anyways.

"To this everlasting melody

Face to face we dance

With our story

Lost in forever's embrace"

Despite the lyrics stating that they stand face to face, they don't - one is always looking away. That's why, the story of what they are and what could've came to be is lost in the embrace of a time that's both not there and forever there. What they could've been is not what they are because of that everlasting melody, the obsession the two of them have that is distinctly not love because it's unrequited. Because they will always ask to be consumed in another's gaze instead of simply looking at each other and seeing. Because Till's first desire is to be saved and Ivan's first desire is to drown, the round would have always ended that way.

"Thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions."

Ivan thought he and Sua were similar at one point. He felt jealous when he realized that the fundamental difference between them was that Sua was loved, and he was not. I think that in his final moments, he recognized this jealousy for what it was - the incessant human need to be loved and to be wanted. And what does that love entail? He sees it in Mizi and Sua, it means loving and being loved in return. That's what love is, and with heartbreaking clarity, he understands that it's not what has driven him or Till this far. A one-sided obsession could never be love, because love is always mutual. To love is to be seen, to be known. Ivan was not the former, Till was not the latter.

He steels himself, he will drown in these shallow emotions, just as he always planned (even if the sacrifice was not). He knows this sacrifice seems hypocritical, but it couldn't be with such a simple yet clear difference.

Compared to the deep grief brought about by the deep and intense emotions of love and loss, the pain he will cause Till will only be as shallow as his own emotions. Because it only reached Ivan, only drowned him and it never seemed to reach Till.

[annqer]

my only goal in life is to make horror rpg maker-esque sunday art and have it in a sick edit

[chanza-panza]

On his way to slay Cazador💅

[gleafer]

When you get your eyes dilated but you still need to answer those work emails.

Being human puts the FU in FUN sometimes!

[poopyshitty]

i’m no film expert so i may be way off base here but seeing a lot of ppl repeating this “death of film lighting” narrative about glass onion and like … did we watch the same movie because the way they used lighting was insane!!! movies are allowed to be dark for a few scenes without it being part of this whole death of good movie lighting that suddenly everyone has decided they’re an expert on. like… hate to say it about a netflix production but the lighting was actually very important to the visual story ?? it had a lot of significance?? also the use of practical effects instead of sfx like … you ppl learned about old movie lighting and the death of art in film from tik tok and decided nothing modern can be good or something idk

[hongjoshuaz]

[kitty-thinks-stuff]

THEYRE SO CUTE STOP

dunmeshi really feeding us lately

[petitprincess1]

Before the battle of the fist, comes the battle of the mind. Hence, the dramatic entrance.

[subtle-as-an-earthquake]

When the heat starts growing horns...❤️‍🔥

[ephemeralzenith]

chaghan 'i could fix him' suren

altan 'i am a GOD and nobody can stop me' trengsin

[social-mockingbird]

dangerous habits

(eleventh doctor x reader)

time for more unabashed crushing on Matt Smith’s Doctor! i’m sort of a sucker for pet names (in the right context, of course) and Eleven’s offhand habit of calling things sweet names usually has me blushing a bit, so of course i had to write about it, because that’s how fanfiction works, and i really, really like him, sometimes against my better judgement. hopeless romantic, me. 

author’s rec while you read: i had bad habits by ed sheeran running through my head the entire time i was coming up with a title, go figure. if that’s not your bowl of rice then anything that makes you happy will bop just fine. :) 

____________

It’s official.

That habit of his was going to kill you.

“Oi, do you have the wrench?”

Quickly adjusting your leg so it stops needling and tingling, you place the tool in the hand waggling at you from under the TARDIS console. The Doctor pokes his head out briefly to give you a teasing smile.

“Thanks, dear.”

Your shoulders tense almost involuntarily. There it was.

He disappears under the console before you can smack him, leaving you hot and bothered. His little endearments have always rubbed you the right way, but more so than usual lately. The tone in his voice when he calls the TARDIS Sexy is enough cause to bang your head against something, never mind when he does it to you.

(It was apparently a long story, the TARDIS’ nickname. You weren’t quite sure you wanted to know.)

“You’re awfully quiet today, love. Something wrong?”

You can’t look at him as he emerges, putting his ridiculous goggles atop his head and wiping the grease from his face and hands.

“Hey? Hello? Anyone in there?” He raps his knuckles against your forehead, grinning. “Oi. It’s just me. Did I do something?”

“No,” you manage finally, flashing him a quick smile. “I’m fine. Just thinking.”

“No, when you’re thinking, you do this.” He scrunches his face into a remarkable imitation of you, even resting his chin on the heel of his hand and spacing out so well you almost wave a hand in front of his face. Then he’s got your attention, so quickly you can’t look away.

“When you’re bothered,” he says, “you make that face.” He pokes your cheek. “Tell me. I can help.”

“Sorry, Doc. You can’t help with this one.”

He looks offended. “Oi! I can help with just about anything, if you’ll remember?”

“You and your pride,” you tease, lightening up at his childish behaviour. “I’m serious, though. This isn’t really something you can fix.”

“And why’s that, love?”

His sudden closeness, combined with the endearment, startles you. A hot blush surges up your cheeks. His motley eyes search your face. They widen.

Oh, he knows.

Oh, no.

He knows.

A smirk starts to tweak the corners of his mouth.

“Oh, dear,” he almost purrs, and how on earth is such an awkward man being this attractive; creative curses run through your mind because there’s almost no space between you now, and the glow of the console is casting sharp shadows on his cheekbones, and his eyes are galaxies...

“I understand now,” he murmurs, lips so close to the shell of your ear that you shudder. “I’m bothering you, aren’t I...sexy?”

You reach out to push him away, you really do. But when your hands land on his chest, and his hand slides onto your knee, and you meet his eyes again, well—you don’t even think the TARDIS blames you for kissing him.

Though you’re almost positive the staccato flare of the lowlights is her way of laughing at your visible shock when the Doctor grasps your waist and kisses you back with everything he has in him.

look at this dumb man ugh I love him and his stupid goggles and pretty backlighting

[m4rs-ex3]

rayla fell first and callum fell off a cliff

[keydekyie]

get cherished, idiot

[amaditalks]

No, store app, I am not going to write a review of my recent purchase in order to help other customers decide what to buy. If someone really needs my review of a half gallon of whole milk to know whether or not to buy it, they are too far gone. They have reached a place where my words cannot reach them.

[bri-sonat]

last one holds a special place in my heart. the way she says “stay” has me frozen in place. also has me deceased.

[rvspecter]

Do you have any idea why Donna showed up to testify? Because I convinced her to. Yeah, I made her do what I needed instead of what she wanted. I did what you do.