#literally been looking for something like this and tumblr is evil wtf

[softlysuga]

satan's sweetheart [ch. 1]

You’re a demon. One day, you’re summoned into a living room, and an exhausted woman quickly rambles about needing to get to work and being unable to find a sitter before flying out the door. Now, you stand in your summoning circle, a toddler staring wide eyed at you.

pairing: taehyung x female demon!reader genre: fluff, crack, smut (but in the other chapters) rating: pg-13 wc: 2.7k

warnings: mentions of the underworld, death (like the Reaper), pagan activities? i mean the woman literally summons a demon LOL

note: prompt is by @writing-prompt-s! i thought it was actually fcking hilarious and half the time i was writing i was like wtf is this LOL also thank you to @jtrbluv for beta reading! my d1 tumblr moot ₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ ♡.°₊ˎˊ˗

-> let me know if you want me to make a taglist for this fic or any other fics :)

There’s a tugging sensation at your stomach, and your lips curl into a smile. 

A summoning. Finally. 

Relaxing, you let the sorcery of the summoning whisk you away from your dwelling and hear the familiar pop in your ears as you enter the human realm. Dust setting, you open your eyes, hoping to feast your eyes on your next meal. 

“Who dares to summon—” you boom in your demonic form, clouds of smoke entering the room and a glow of evil cloaking your figure. Of course, it’s all theatrics.  

But…

“I’m so sorry, I tried calling for a babysitter but no one was free,” a frazzled-looking woman interrupts, “and I know, you’re probably like, well, can’t you ask family—”

The woman scrambles to find her keys and belongings, slowly lugging her bag to a door. You stand a few feet away in the middle of a summoning star adorned with a few candles and eerie-looking symbols. There’s an offering of fruits and leftover Halloween candy, along with an edition of the Grand Grimoire. 

“—and I did! I asked Taehyung to come over, that brat, always shirking from his responsibilities, but he said he’s in the middle of a basketball game? Can you believe him? I had asked him to a month ago, and he still managed to forget! Ugh, younger brothers. Anyway, it’s not like I can ask my parents because they’re dead.” 

Surprised, you cut the theatrics and unwind into your natural form. “I mean, Old Reaper spares no one,” you chuckle, shooing away the clouds and lightning. “He’s kind of a nasty fellow, that one. Always so grumpy.”  

The woman freezes, one hand in the midst of putting on a shoe. She turns around, stunned. “You changed.” 

You frown. “Did you expect me to stay in that form forever? It’s actually quite energy-draining— I much prefer this one.” You look down at yourself, confirming that you’re in the correct form. “I mean, I can turn myself into a cat if you would like. Or an elephant, if you’re really feeling up for it. I would be quite loud, though.” 

You’re not quite sure what humans do or do not know. Usually, summonings are quick and short, usually ending with you feasting on the souls of the summoners or the immediate banishing. But this isn’t the usual summoning; there are no teenage kids screaming for their mothers, nor men wrapped in capes who think they’ve found their calling. 

A clatter draws your attention away from the woman and you find a toddler tucked away in a high chair. The child couldn’t have been more than two years old, teething on a strawberry with the remnants of its breakfast laid out in front of her. An oatmeal-covered spoon is on the ground next to the chair. 

Stepping out from the pentagram, you wave your hand and the spoon flies off the ground and lands on the high chair. The child gurgles in delight, grabbing the spoon and throwing it off yet again. 

“This child seems to lack intelligence,” you observe, spinning back to the woman. “Why would it throw the spoon back down? I thought you humans liked using them.” 

The woman unfreezes with a start and continues putting on her shoes. “W-well, you know how toddlers are, always doing something you don’t want them to.” She adjusts herself before putting a hand on the doorknob. “I’ll be back in a few hours, it will be a very quick grocery trip. I just need some…peace.” 

I raise an eyebrow. “You want me to look after your offspring?” 

“Just for a bit. I’ll be back in a jiffy, alright?” She opens the door and steps out. “There’s food in the fridge for her, diapers are in the drawer under her crib. Just keep her unharmed and alive.” 

And just like that, she’s gone and you’re left with a human baby with a distaste for spoons. You look at the child again in curiosity. Tight, chestnut curls are tied up in two pigtails and her chubby cheeks are stained with strawberry juice. You gently pull at a curl, watching it bounce back into place after you release. 

The child notices this and places your finger into her mouth, gently gnawing on it while cautiously measuring your response. 

“Silly child,” you reprimand gently, pulling your finger back. “That’s not food; if you eat my hand, you’ll get dysentery.”

You snap your fingers and conjure a little black binky for her to gnaw on instead. “Here.” You stuff the binky into the child’s mouth and after a bit of confusion, the toddler starts chewing on it contentedly. 

A smirk crosses your face. “How curious. I wonder what else I could do to you…” 

You sense the presence of another soul before you hear the jingling of keys. They’re inserted into the door, and it opens with a swing. 

“Addie? I’m here— sorry about the wait, the game ran a little long…”

You observe the new figure, a man, clumsily take off his shoes and shove them in the shoe rack. He stumbles towards the living room, dropping a bag off by the couch. 

“Addie?” 

“Are you looking for the child?” you murmur. The man freezes. 

“She’s in her jail,” you continue, floating down from your perch on the ceiling. “I suppose you would call it a crib. The child seemed to grow tired of our games, so I put her to sleep. Temporarily of course— I’m not the reaper.” 

Softly landing on the carpet, you stare at the man’s shocked features, seemingly frozen in time. You tilt your head in confusion. “Well, don’t be too worried. She’ll wake up whenever she feels the need to. I just…coerced her into a nap. It’s not like I can do much else.” 

You extend a hand. “You must be Taehyung. The tired woman mentioned you.” 

Taehyung glanced down at your hand and slowly reached for it. Shaking it, he gulps, “Wh-what? Who?” 

He points from your perch on the ceiling to you. “What?” 

“Oh, that,” you wave towards your previous spot. “I’m just more comfortable that way. It’s usually how I lounge in Erebus but I thought it would make you too uncomfortable to see me like that.”

“Erebus?” He whispers. “Is that like…the underworld?” 

You shrug. “Yes and no. It’s more like another dimension, really,” you say, inspecting his face. “You seem to be sweating. I forgot how temperamental humans are.” 

You chuckle. “It's a little hot in here for you, isn’t it? I tend to run a little warm and the heat might be radiating into the room.”

A bead of sweat drips off Taehyung’s temples and he swipes at it, unfreezing himself. “Oh, I-I guess? I mean, now that you mention it, it’s a little warm.” He shakily looks you up and down. “What are you even? A demon? Oh my God there’s a fucking demon in Adeline’s house…” 

“Ah, so Lily is the child,” you muse. “So Addie— or Adeline, I suppose— must be the mother.” Swooping past Taehyung, you ignore his noises of disbelief. Landing on the kitchen counter, you pour him a glass of water. “She’s in her jail, like I said.”

You beckon a chair to follow you, instructing it to sweep Taehyung into it. He’s pale as a sheet, scrambling onto the chair as he lands in front of you. You hand him the water. “Sip.” 

He obeys, gulping down the water. After he finishes, you take the glass back while he looks at you warily. 

“Why are you here?” he asks, clearly uncomfortable. “You’re not from this world, are you?” 

“No, I’m not. Adeline summoned me to become her babysitter around an hour ago, and she simply left me with her offspring,” you snort. “You humans always do the funniest things.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“I mean, hey, good for her for summoning a blank demon— class III nonetheless! Very baby-safe, I can assure you.” 

Taehyung’s brows furrow. “Addie…summoned you?” 

“That’s what I said, didn’t I?” You chuckle. “At first I was as confused as you are right now, but she quite literally said ‘care for my baby, demon! I will be back’ and left,” you air-quote with your hands. “Said something about being unable to find a babysitter, and I was curious enough about the little one to stay for a while.” 

“So you’re not…stuck here?” 

“Well, no,” you roll your eyes. “I can leave whenever I want. Just how you can leave and enter a door,” you gesture towards the hall, “I can leave and enter this dimension. The summoning just thrusts me here against my will. I can go back whenever I want.” 

“Oh.” 

There’s a bit of a silence as Taehyung collects his thoughts. You listen to the buzz of the refrigerator and the quiet ‘tick-tocks’ of the grandfather clock down the hall; you’re surprised how soothing the monotonous noises are. Maybe the humans are onto something. 

Glancing back at Taehyung, he seemed to relax a little. He fiddles with his hoodie string, gnawing at the end. “Wait so, you won’t hurt us? You said something about being baby-safe.” 

You chuckle. “Yes, I’m very baby-safe. I’m a blank, class III demon. Blank— as in I haven’t developed into a specialty yet— and class III— meaning I’m equipped with the bare minimum of demonic powers.” You shrug. “So yeah, I can do things like make you fly or summon existing objects, but not much else. I’m more of a spirit, really. At least for now.” 

“Huh.” 

Suddenly, you sense a shift in the air and you glance over to the baby monitor on the fridge. Taehyung follows your gaze and jumps up. “Oh, Lily’s awake!” 

He looks over at you, albeit a little warily, and slowly starts walking towards Lily’s room. “Don’t move,” he instructs, pointing a finger at you. “Or else.” 

You put your hands up. “Alright,” you giggle. “How scary!”

Ironic. 

Taehyung glares at you and disappears into the hall. He comes back a few minutes later carrying little Lily in his arm, one hand wiping the drool off of her face. Her eyes light up when she sees you. 

“Puff!” she squeals, reaching for you with two hands. Taehyung holds her back, confused. She’s squirming in his arms, trying to peel away. She whines in annoyance.

You smile. “Yes, child. Puff.” 

A wave of your hand conjures little soot sprites out of the air, the dust bunnies blinking in surprise. The jingle of their movements delight Lily, making her clap as they float down towards her. They scatter around her as she makes attempts to snatch them with her chubby hands. Taehyung keeps her just shy of doing so, though, and it frustrates her. 

“What are they?” he asks, concerned. “Are they your pets or something?”

“They’re soot sprites,” you say softly, waving your hand again and they disappear. Perhaps you should’ve warned Taehyung. “They’re quite harmless, really. Usually residing in abandoned country homes, they’re magical creatures made of soot. They don’t do much but work and exist.” 

Lily wails in dismay as the creatures disappear. You smile apologetically. “I was using them to entertain the child before you got here,” you explain, “which is how she’s so familiar with them. It got her a little dirty, but she seemed to like them enough.” 

“Huh. Cool, I guess.” 

You look over at Taehyung, a little surprised at his reaction. It seems like he’s opening up to some of your antics, which makes you smile a little. 

“Do you mind if I conjure them again?” you ask. “For…Lily.” 

You’re trying to get used to calling the child by her name. 

He nods and places the child on the couch, where you bring the little sprites back. Lily’s eyes widen and she instinctively reaches for them as they float around, surprised once again. 

You and Taehyung both watch her in a comfortable silence, but you can still hear Taehyung’s wheels turning. 

“You know, you can just ask,” you start. 

“Hm?” 

You shrug. “I dunno. It’s not like you see a demon every day, let alone have a demon babysit your niece.” 

He chuckles softly. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m just trying to process it a little, but I’m just glad you aren’t sent here to hurt us.” 

“It’s not like I could if I wanted to, anyway,” you add. “It’s kind of a development-slash-hierarchy thing. Kind of like your version of puberty? Long story.” 

Taehyung’s lips quirk up. “What do you mean?” 

Before you can answer, though, you hear a jingling of keys and the woman from before swings the door open, shuffling her bags in. She looks around, eyes landing on you and Taehyung. 

“Tae!” she exclaims while shutting the door. She turns back to face you two, walking towards the living room. “And…the demon…-ess? Demoness?” 

“Demon is fine,” you affirm. 

She smiles warily and turns her attention to Taehyung and slaps him on the shoulder. 

“Ow,” he winces, “what was that for?” 

“That,” she starts, swatting away the sprites and picking up her child, “is for neglecting your babysitting duties which ultimately led me to summon a demon.” 

She glances at you. “No offense.” 

“None taken.” 

“But you summoned her yourself!” he splutters in defense. “Freedom of choice and everything—” 

“Don’t even start,” she interrupts, glaring daggers. 

You whistle. “This woman is scarier than me, Taehyung. I would watch out if I were you.” You glance at Adeline. “No offense.” 

She winces. “None taken.” 

“Well, it looks like my services here aren’t needed anymore,” you clap your hands and the soot sprites disappear. Lily frowns. “Not that it was something I expected, but it was kind of fun.” 

Adeline turns to you and smiles softly. “Thank you for everything— I know it was a bit of an inconvenience, but I’m very glad that it turned out how it did. Please come back anytime you want.” 

You laugh. “I’m not sure if I’ll take you up on your offer— I have a lot of training to do back in Erebus— but thank you anyway. Your offspring, Lily, was quite enjoyable.” 

You wave to little Lily— who waves back— and you start walking towards the door for a more “natural” approach to leaving. 

“Wait, hold on.”

You turn around and Taehyung catches up to you. “Are you never coming back?” 

You shrug. “Unless there’s another summoning or if I have a personal reason to. Summonings are tricky, though, it’s a gamble on which demon you’ll get. It runs on an internal lottery system for all demons, so I wouldn’t bet on your chances.” 

He deflates. “Ah.” 

“Maybe you’ll see me, maybe you won’t.” You smile. “It was nice knowing you, though. I’ve learned more about humans today than I ever had at the academy.” 

Taehyung furrows his brows in confusion, but before he has a chance to say anything, you’ve snapped your fingers and disappeared. 

Like before, you let the winds whisk you back to Erebus and you enter with a pop, feet landing on the soft carpet of your room. Glancing at the window, you notice the blood moon starting to rise and your roommate stirs in her sleep. 

Interesting, you think, shaking your head as your horns grow back. You touch them to make sure they’ve come out properly and your wings also make an appearance, the dainty gossamer erupting from your back as you stretch. 

A sigh of relief leaves you as you settle into your own bed, thinking back at what happened. You’ll surely have to go to the Dean tomorrow to explain your absence, but it shouldn’t be something you’re punished for. These summonings are growing more common so quite a few students have been missing this week—  but it’s not something the administration is worried about…yet. 

You roll over to your side, remembering the look on the woman’s face. She was calm for a human— too calm maybe— when she summoned you. Grumbling in confusion, you think. Maybe they’re getting too comfortable with contacting the demonic dimension. 

But you fondly remember how Taehyung’s reaction was much more standard, and you chuckle recalling his sheer fright at the concept of Erebus.

He almost reminded you of a puppy. 

“How cute,” you murmur. 

Yawning, you make a mental note to go to the mortal realm more often. It could do you some good. 

Eyes heavy, you close them and everything goes black.  

[mariana-oconnor]

The Golden Pince-Nez pt 2

Oooh map! We have the map. I love maps.

This is a really weird looking house, though. I mean, those two corridors just go from that 1 room directly to either the outside or to the guy's bedroom? That's an unusual layout.

Love that we have a little x to show us exactly where in the room Smith's body was. O Willoughby, Willoughby, Willoughby Smith. We didn't know you and now you're a stiff. O Willoughby, Willoughby, Willoughby, say, From whom did they come, those golden pince-nez?

Apparently a very visually impaired woman whose eyes are remarkably close together and whose nose is rather wide, according to Holmes' assessment anyway.

We saw the cold winter sun rise over the dreary marshes of the Thames and the long, sullen reaches of the river, which I shall ever associate with our pursuit of the Andaman Islander in the earlier days of our career.

Do we know about the Andaman Islander? Am I forgetting something? Is that from one of the novels rather than the short stories, because it's been a long time since I've read those. Also, Watson is clearly feeling uninspired this morning. This is probable because he was up until stupid o'clock last night and then had to be up on time to catch the morning train before breakfast. Poor life choices.

I saw an intent look pass over Holmes's face. “You say that she must have come back this way?” “Yes, sir; there is no other.” “On this strip of grass?” “Certainly, Mr. Holmes.”

Alright... so there's something off about the marks in the grass. The grass is only bent in one direction, perhaps? Idk how tracking in grass works. You know who you need?

"This garden door is usually kept open, I suppose? Then this visitor had nothing to do but to walk in."

I like locked doors. The idea that anyone could just walk into my house at any moment is very upsetting to me. It is the role of the door to prevent that from happening. I could not live like this.

(I literally just tried to undo something and deleted more than half of this post, wtf Tumblr? I will try to reconstruct it from memory)

"Halloa! what is that scratch upon the face of it? Just hold a match, Watson. Why did you not tell me of this, Hopkins?” The mark which he was examining began upon the brass work on the right-hand side of the keyhole, and extended for about four inches, where it had scratched the varnish from the surface. “I noticed it, Mr. Holmes. But you'll always find scratches round a keyhole.”

I was going to defend Hopkins at this point, but then I read that the scratch was 4 inches long and presumable fresh, so nope, sorry, can't help you there. That's kind of a key piece of evidence.

I wonder if the professor is an alcoholic...

Sorry, couldn't resist that one.

"Halloa, Hopkins! this is very important, very important indeed. The Professor's corridor is also lined with cocoanut matting.” “Well, sir, what of that?” “Don't you see any bearing upon the case?"

So many Halloas in this part.

I expect the bearing is that it means the murderer could also have left down this passageway without their footsteps being heard. Which raises suspicion of the Professor.

It was a very large chamber, lined with innumerable volumes, which had overflowed from the shelves and lay in piles in the corners, or were stacked all round at the base of the cases.

Interior decor goals. I mean, I almost live like this already, but still, goals.

The bed was in the centre of the room...

(From This Tumblr Post)

Clearly the Professor is evil. No one else could sleep in a bed like that, unmoored from the world, surrounded by space, adrift from good reason and sanity.

I have seldom seen a more remarkable-looking person. It was a gaunt, aquiline face which was turned towards us, with piercing dark eyes, which lurked in deep hollows under overhung and tufted brows. His hair and beard were white, save that the latter was curiously stained with yellow around his mouth. A cigarette glowed amid the tangle of white hair, and the air of the room was fetid with stale tobacco-smoke. As he held out his hand to Holmes I perceived that it also was stained yellow with nicotine.

'Curiously stained with yellow' > proceeds to immediately explain why it is stained with yellow.

"I can recommend them, for I have them especially prepared by Ionides of Alexandria. He sends me a thousand at a time, and I grieve to say that I have to arrange for a fresh supply every fortnight. Bad, sir, very bad, but an old man has few pleasures."

This guy... this guy imports 1000 cigarettes a fortnight. 1000 a fortnight. That's over 70 a day. That's 3 an hour if he doesn't sleep. 4.5 an hour if he gets 8 hours a night. Sure, the internet tells me it takes about 5 minutes to smoke a cigarette, so he isn't actually chain smoking. He could totally smoke more. Really the take away from this is that he needs to work harder at this and stop his reliance on such unnecessary things as oxygen.

70 a day... yikes.

And he knows it's bad for him, too. What? 40 years before the first study in the US saying the same thing? 60 years before it became big news? The tobacco companies really messed with our understanding of things, huh?

Also, the fact that he can afford to import 1000 cigarettes every two weeks and still has the money to have servants, a nice house, and a secretary. This guy has way more money than any academic I've ever met, that's for sure.

“Alas! what a fatal interruption! Who could have foreseen such a terrible catastrophe? So estimable a young man! I assure you that after a few months' training he was an admirable assistant."

Maybe it's because of how unpleasant his introductory description was. Maybe it's because it was preceded by the implication that the murderer could have got into his room unheard. Or maybe it's just that he asks a rhetorical question here and I can never hear a person in this sort of a situation say 'Who could have forseen such a thing?' without my brain automatically answering 'You, I bet.' But Professor seems sus.

Or maybe it's just his bed.

“I shall indeed be indebted to you if you can throw a light where all is so dark to us. To a poor bookworm and invalid like myself such a blow is paralyzing. I seem to have lost the faculty of thought. But you are a man of action—you are a man of affairs. It is part of the everyday routine of your life. You can preserve your balance in every emergency. We are fortunate indeed in having you at our side.”

Yep, super sus. That's way too much complimenting of Sherlock and way too much insistence upon his own infirmity.

I observed that he was smoking with extraordinary rapidity. It was evident that he shared our host's liking for the fresh Alexandrian cigarettes.

I suspect that this is for a different reason from the one Watson is thinking, but also NO HOLMES, do not be sucked into the 70 imported cigarettes a day pipeline.

“That is my magnum opus—the pile of papers on the side table yonder. It is my analysis of the documents found in the Coptic monasteries of Syria and Egypt, a work which will cut deep at the very foundations of revealed religion. With my enfeebled health I do not know whether I shall ever be able to complete it now that my assistant has been taken from me."

okayokayokay Tentative theory:

The professor's research is based on a lie. Everything he's worked on is based on some incorrect fact about a historical 'she' being somewhere or not being somewhere, and he has (or had) evidence that it was incorrect in his desk. WIlloughby worked it out and was breaking into the desk to get the evidence when the professor snuck up behind him and stabbed him in the neck, then scarpered back up the passage-way as fast as his tar-filled lungs would let him.

“I am a connoisseur,” said he, taking another cigarette from the box—his fourth—and lighting it from the stub of that which he had finished.

OK, now that is chain smoking. I really hope there's a reason for this and it isn't just a weird thing ACD put in for no reason.

"What do you imagine that this poor fellow meant by his last words: ‘The Professor—it was she’?”

That his research was a house of cards, built on nothing but hot air. That he was a fraud and his thesis fabrication. That his entire life's work would be worth more as kindling than as an academic paper.

Maybe I'm basing things on vibes again, a little bit. Sorry.

“Susan is a country girl,” said he, “and you know the incredible stupidity of that class."

Nope. Fuck that shit. Not sorry at all. I hope the Professor is guilty. Patronising, classist, intellectual elitist piece of shit. I'm all-in for Team 'The Professor Did It' and even if he didn't do this crime, he's definitely done some other crime somewhere.

“Possibly an accident; possibly—I only breathe it among ourselves—a suicide. Young men have their hidden troubles—some affair of the heart, perhaps, which we have never known. It is a more probable supposition than murder.”

Yeah, because stabbing yourself in the back of the neck is such an efficient way to do it? No wonder your research is so terrible when this is the amount of thought you put into things. Wow.

An accident? How very Final Destination of you.

“But the eye-glasses?”

Fine. Those I can't explain. Maybe they were what was hidden in the drawer and Willoughby found them? But why would the professor then leave them in plain sight? Maybe if Willoughby was the only person who knew what they meant?

So, secondary theory. The Professor's work is still rubbish and based on lies, but it's not Willoughby who found out, necessarily, it's some unknown woman with terrible eyesight and eyes very close together and a big nose, and she came to confront the professor then went missing. Willoughby knew about her going missing, but the professor claimed she'd never been to see him and the pince-nez are the proof the professor was lying.

And the woman is... dead in a ditch somewhere?

Needs work.

“Ah! I am only a student—a man of dreams. I cannot explain the practical things of life."

Oh shut up with your false modesty nonsense. Ugh. You're terrible.

...he continued to walk up and down for some time, lost in thought and consuming cigarette after cigarette.

Is Holmes trying to get through the Professor's entire supply so he has to order more? Wtf?

“Tell me, Professor Coram,” he said, at last, “what is in that cupboard in the bureau?” “Nothing that would help a thief. Family papers, letters from my poor wife, diplomas of Universities which have done me honour. Here is the key. You can look for yourself.”

Well obviously he's removed anything incriminating from it now. Pah

“It depends upon those cigarettes that I smoked,” said he. “It is possible that I am utterly mistaken. The cigarettes will show me.”

I have no idea how the cigarettes are involved in this, I confess. Is the professor involved in a smuggling ring?

I may have remarked before that Holmes had, when he liked, a peculiarly ingratiating way with women, and that he very readily established terms of confidence with them. In half the time which he had named he had captured the housekeeper's goodwill, and was chatting with her as if he had known her for years.

You mean he's good with people? Good at talking to people? Particularly women?

*side-eyes adaptations*

Is this the passage that they had in mind when they did that whole Enola Holmes lawsuit?

“I suppose the Professor eats hardly anything?” “Well, he is variable. I'll say that for him.” “I'll wager he took no breakfast this morning, and won't face his lunch after all the cigarettes I saw him consume.” “Well, you're out there, sir, as it happens, for he ate a remarkable big breakfast this morning."

Is he keeping a secret woman under his bed? Does she sneak in and have breakfast with him?

So weird.

"Well, it takes all sorts to make a world, and the Professor hasn't let it take his appetite away.”

Because he's a terrible human being.

Alright, at the end of this part, my current theory is that the Professor has some kind of secret meetings with a woman with very close-set eyes and terrible eyesight. Willoughby found out and the Professor lied to him about it, then Willoughby found the woman's glasses in the drawer and the Professor, or the unknown woman, killed him for it. Who she is, why she was meeting the professor, why it was so paramount that no one find out, I don't know.

Also, the Professor's research is terrible and founded on lies, because I just want him to fail at life.

And there are cigarettes... or something.

Yeah... there may be some gaps. I'm working on it.

[secondmagic]

a fucking problem i've had recently is

a) i've been in college for the past few years and it's an art school so all my creative energy has been put entirely in school projects (and i am life a few months away from starting my last year where. i'll be working on my graduate film. which, wtf.) leaving me with little to no time or energy for personal stuff or stuff i draw for fun or that isn't for a specific poroject

b) all i want to draw recently is p*rn (and i really do not want to censor that but the tumblr algorithm has locked my blog down for content enough times at this point) or at least horny or something that at least has bare titties and the occasional bare pussy so either i have to just give up on it i guess or post a little preview piece of it here and link somewhere else and.... like twitter is in a dire state at this point, don't exactly have a following there, it has been well, well documented how the algorithm is actively like against you even if you're like some kind of da vinci level maestro. but it's basically my only option now for most the stuff i do want to post to even get stuff our there. and i did recently get a bluesky acc but you know it's a not very active website and also invite-only. so, not a lot of options.

and you know, my posting here has always been kinda sporadic and i have tried to make stuff more frequently and have a bigger output but out of all the time i spent drawing which frankly is a lot, very little of it ends up as like. a properly fully rendered piece that i can show and i would occasionally post stuff here from my sketchbook that i find at least a little bearable to look at but that also actually takes effort and is difficult to make it like. visually presentable.

a while back tumblr has informed me that this blog has turned 10 years old, which, whoof, huge crisis over the passage of time and also how many grand ambitions i had with this blog when i made it and how little of it i achieved in those 10 years and genera feelings about my own skills and growth and where i stand in life because of my very sporadic posting and my slow pace of work which has gone from like. once very two months to 2-3 times a year and now even when i feel inspired i don't know how much of what i make is even going to be here. recently i've been reevaluating if i even have what it takes or if i even should be an artist with the pace at which i work and how little of anything i complete not to mention how i feel about my own art skills in general, but you know given i've been stubborn about wanting to do this since childhood and i literally just cannot concieve with my brain of doing anything else in life. and on top of that i'm too much of a stubborn spiteful bitch not to keep pushing because i can't let the evil malicious gnome trying to take me down win, so this is something i'm figuring out over time.

anyway i did somehow manage to get 320ish followers in that time, give or take those that are either bots or inactive, and most of you probably followed me for stuff i'm either not super into right now or don't post anymore so you're probably not getting your follow's worth if you look at it practically, you might not even know or remember who i am or what you ever followed me for because of how long its been and how sporadic i am. but i guess i just want to say i know i don't have a lot to offer on this blog compared to a lot of other artists in terms of quality or quantity, which hopefully that will change one day in the future because i am trying to figure out how to do this all better, so thank you all who did follow and are still following and are sticking around despite all of [waves hands] all the things i described

[lavastories]

The Votes are in from my post before the last post. My next good read will be….. *drum roll*

Psi

Now, I don’t know what to expect from this book besides that there is a side that is normal and another that’s magically gifted. I’ve done my absolute best to avoid any spoilers for any of the books in case I do choose to read them on Reddit, Twitter, Instagram, and even here on our home base Tumblr! I even do my best as well to not spoil it for any of you as. I drop little hits that’s possibly in the book and leave the imagination up to you in hopes that you also read it. But let’s get into some chapters that I read today!

Time Catcher

After reading the recently released chapters, I gotta say that my speculations were spot on! 🥳 I mean, I knew that they’d want MC for something. I was ready for this outcome but what threw me off was wanting MC to prove herself…😑 Come on Vesper, last I checked you need MC not the other way around. As far as I’m concerned she doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone. And don’t even get me STARTED on the LIs. Welcome to a new beau to the plot: Lucien. And he is literally one sexy ass vampire. Sexier than Vlad…*coughs* I mean, I’m just saying. You gotta get a look at this guy—Moving on! What the hell is up Shen?!?!?! I get the whole going through the ringer but MC has been through some trails and tribulations herself. I don’t see her acting clutched…*thinks*—Let me rephrase that. I don’t see MC acting all that clutched all the time! Obviously, she get her secrets and pains. I’m starting to lowkey think if MC is an addict.🤔 Also, did MC get caught?!😱

Next up! Love, Sin, & Evil!

*sniffles*🥲 Guys, so much went down in just two chapters. It’s honestly a lot to process…🥳But, let’s break it down, shall we?

Okay, so during this read MC is literally dancing with darkness…LITERALLY! And let’s not forget about MCs boyfriend. (I don’t know who y’all chose but I chose Tony…like one does😤) And in the mist of chaos, MC lost him just like that! Just to save her. 😢I honestly blame my choices. But I’m coming up with some major speculations here. Hear me out: The shadow, phantom—or whatever you want to call it—referred to MCs boyfriend as a “third wheel,” indicating that it would get rid of him.🤔🤔 Now, you see, you don’t go getting rid of someone without an agenda. The Phantom doesn’t look like it wants to get rid of MC just the people around her. The Phantom wants MC but why? I also peeked that it called MC a “Van Helsing,”—mind you, you don’t go dropping that name around if you ain’t dealing with some real dark evil shit. Maybe MC carries this bloodline—the blood of a Van Helsing. In my pervious post I mentioned that it could have something to do with MCs heritage/bloodline. And looking here, the Phantom is dropping the Van Helsing bomb. But back to the main speculation: What could the Phantom possibly want with the MC?—it’s like the Phantom in some shape or form is becoming a LI—a dark one at that. Maybe, there is a dark love story or some prophecy that has to be fore filled or get backed to?🤔 There is definitely some spooky shit going on. And MC lost two people already equaling two candles being blown out. Obvi, I’m still piecing together the love, sin, and evil I’m sensing so far to the story. And this is what I got: The Love, is the romance between a Van Helsing and a dark being. The Sin, is the betrayal of both Van Helsing and dark being. The Evil, could be the cause and effect of the love and sin that were committed in the past, birthing something new and sinister. And let’s be real, Jonny is smart as hell because right now Mister-all-so-kind-professor isn’t looking all that kind. I’m starting to feel he’s behind it. Trying to unlock or free something. And he needs MC for that maybe?🤔 Or…his career was shit and he really need the win to prove that he can do better?😅 Either way, professor explorer is turning into professor WTF!

I’m all for the adventure but whose going to tell the princess that she’s part of the LGBTQ+ community? 👀 Someone’s gotta do it.

*Looks to MC*

Lavender: Are you going to tell them?

MC: Gosh! You catch two girls in the act one time and your suppose to break the new. *pouts*

*Lavender looks to the crowd*

Lavender: Someone’s gotta tell’em

*MC glares*

MC: You utter anything that happened in that room with Sue and I’ll have romance club revoke your privileges.

Lavender:………

*Both seats in silence*

[eldritch-autism]

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[screechthemighty]

As long as I'm getting back to stuff I've been slow to update, here's my notes from Trigun Maximum Vol. 3! Not as many this time around since it was a lot of fight scenes.

TriMax #3.1: Reservoir Dogs

Content Warnings: Anatomically correct dolls that form together into a cursed looking spider-thing, “genitals” only in a few panels though

“Don’t raise your hand, Wolfwood. If your solution is to kill then you are the coward. You give up all hope so easily…” hope in humanity. In himself. In the blank ticket. AAHH

TriMax #3.2: Cement

So Ninelives is punishment for WW because of that spoilery bit I saw on tumblr? [Note: I meant him shooting Chapel, which I found out about before reading this.]

OW that’s his ribs. WW is doing as well here as I do against most Resident Evil bosses TBH

Thank goodness for his backup pistol damn

Damn got his arm with the elevator door

TriMax #3.3: No Escape

Content Warnings: Body horror

OH GOOD THE ARM MOVES ON ITS OWN

“He just keeps going and going, like this is all some sorta backwater play for him. -bursts out the rocket launcher- IT’S THE FINAL CURTAIN CALL, YA HAM ACTOR!” Ohhh unhinged WW hits different

Why do the puppets have such well-defined asses??? [Note: I say again, I do not really want to know the answer to this, there is really no good answer here]

CW BODY HORROR WTF

This dude is literally just a Resident Evil boss

JUST SHOVE THE GUN IN HIS CHEST AND KEEP SHOOTING, OKAY?!

Okay Lenoff I’ll give you this. Giving the puppet baby a gun is hilarious, no notes

OH SHIT SOME ARE REAL THIS DUDE IS TWISTED

TriMax #3.4: Emilio the Player

Oh, no, Brad is about to walk into some SHIT

Vash MUST speak at least a little French, between Trigun #2 and him using a french word here

Obsessed with the use of fonts here

…Is that Isabel?????

TriMax #3.5: Long Goodbye

POOR BRAD LMAO

WW thinking of the orphanage, HELP

NOT THOSE MEMORIES SNAPPING HIM OUT OF A BARE-HANDED MURDER RAGE

I hate the whiplash of being horrified by the tiny puppet to the sadness of that memory of Vash saying Emilio should tell Isabelle how she feels…OOF

NOT MERYL + MILLY ACCIDENTALLY SAVING WW!

TriMax #3.6: Families

Oh good, Knives is in his death metal era.

“Both of you look like you’re well! Thank goodness!” He cares!!!

LUIDA!!!

Guhhh Vash not being mad WW killed b/c he knows the “why” was legit ooggh

TriMax #3.7: His Life As A…

AHH seeing how much of humanity survived after all helped him!!!

“Will he die this time? Is this his attempt at absolution? Is that what this is?” WW might be onto something a bit

Vash: nearly shot Vash: boy howdy that sure was scary, huh?!

“He knows the name and face of everyone who lives here” BWUHH

Wolfwood starting to realize that Vash is for real…welcome to the circus dude LOL

[therealvinelle]

What do you think the Cullens would do if some person they were talking to, out of nowhere just quite literally exploded in front of, and on them? Kinda like in that movie Spontaneous. Would they lose control and slurp up the mess on the ground, (and themselves) or would their bloodlust be curtailed by shock of wtf just happened?

I'd say something witty about how this is a strange anon to receive, but holy jesus you've sent me down a rabbithole.

Here's a trailer to the movie Spontaneous. It looks amazing. Kevin Feige wishes this had been his plot for Infinity War.

Here's a trailer for the movie Spontaneous Combustion, which I found by accident while searching for your fic. This looks amazing too. Can't believe Marvel didn't buy the rights to this guy.

I'm serious, people, you definitely want to watch these trailers. I just about died laughing.

So, on to your ask.

In the spirit of your ask, which implies a level of randomness, I thought the people blowing up should be random too. So, being in the mood to procrastinate through spending way too much time on tumblr things, I wrote a program that'll generate for me random Twilight characters.

Unsure whether the explosion should kill vampires or not, I generated an answer. The answer is yes, any generated vampire dies.

Without further ado:

Alice watches Vladimir blow up.

Alright, alright.

The first question to be answered here is why Alice is in Vladimir's presence in the first time. In canon they only meet once, at the end of Breaking Dawn.

For the sake of simplicity, we'll have Vladimir blow up then.

The Cullens and the witnesses are all celebrating being alive, when Vladimir suddenly explodes.

For the sake of the ask, Alice is sitting closest to him when this happens and making conversation.

Her first thought is utter shock. Not just that he blew up, but that she didn't see it coming (she wouldn't, because I randomly generated him. No decision was made). Her second thought is horror.

The Cullens just confronted the Volturi, now mere hours afterwards their allies are blowing up.

Holy fuck, Aro has a gifted ace up his sleeve, and he's using it to kill them remotely.

Panic ensues, not just for Alice, but among all the witnesses. Some of them refuse to leave, Bella has to shield those 24/7, though given the belief that her gift is psychic that doesn't make them feel very safe.

The others decide to go after the Volturi and beg for mercy, assuring them they never meant to challenge them.

Aro, of course, is very confused, but agrees. Why, yes, he does have a vampire who blows people up. Yes, yes he does.

Bella watches Aro blow up.

Oh I'm dying laughing at this one. And wishing I'd put this down for Carlisle, that would be even funnier, but alright.

Bella is walking about post-Breaking Dawn, minding her own business, when suddenly Aro appears in front of her. He looks around himself, utterly surprised by his sudden deplacement, and then blows up.

Bella has been living in terror of this man for years.

In Volterra he had his servant torture her and Edward and then made ominious threats, then a few months later the Eclipse disaster unfolded, finally we have Breaking Dawn where he showed up to murder her and everyone she loved.

Her shield may be powerful, but for as long as Aro was alive her family was never truly safe.

His untimely implosion changes all of that.

I imagine after a long moment of incredulity, Bella burns the rubble, just to be sure, then tells her family the joyous news.

Carlisle gives the guy a funeral. It's weird.

Carlisle watches Vassilii blow up.

Close call, due to my not switching out the names we almost had Angela. In which case Carlisle have stood there, covered in blood and in shock for several long seconds, before bringing out the bleach and gasoline for a crime scene clean.

As it is, Carlisle is minding his own business when suddenly an immortal child dressed like a medieval Eastern European appears before him. It says something in a foreign language that might mean "hi", he doesn't know but he says "hi" to it back, then the child blows up.

Carlisle stares at the rubble for a very long time, wondering if he is perhaps losing his mind. If, perhaps, Aro was right about animal blood being a slow suicide, and Carlisle has finally hit the limit for how long a vampire can go on without human blood.

He burns the rubble and prays for the child's soul, as an immortal child is doomed anyway, and keeps his silence about what happened. In part because there's a solid chance this was all in his imagination.

If Aro ever touches his hand again, and sees the immortal child that he burned a thousand years earlier resurrect, travel through time, all in order to blow up in front of Carlisle, he... well there comes a point where you say "nothing to see here" and refuse eye contact with the universe glitching.

Edward watches Randall blow up.

Randall, for the ignorants, is one of Carlisle's friends that came to witness for the Cullens in Breaking Dawn.

Suddenly he appears in front of Edward, says hi and how do you do, and then he blows up.

Edward tells Carlisle, who is saddened by this, and they try to piece the guy together. They fail.

Edward sends a somber thought to this noble man who agreed with Edward that the Cullens are awesome enough to be worth dying for.

Emmett watches Mary blow up.

Emmett will never admit it, but it's the coolest, raddest thing he's ever seen.

Esme watches Eleazar blow up.

Oh boy.

The Cullens are visiting the Denali. Irina has not been dead for long, but given the crystal clear memory of vampires, and the loss they already suffered (Sasha's death traumatized them) it doesn't really matter how long it's been, the Denali are devastated anyway.

The whole coven is as fragile as it can possibly get.

Then, Eleazar goes to join Esme in the kitchen, and explodes all over her and the kitchen.

The remaining Denali and the Cullens are called to the kitchen by the sound of Esme's screaming, and find her in hysterics, surrounded by gray rubble.

The Denali are near catatonic with grief at this point, while cooking has been ruined for Esme. One moment you're making food, the next people are exploding all over your kitchen.

Yeah.

Esme is not okay.

Jasper watches Nahuel blow up.

It's a shameful moment in his life.

But, hybrids are edible.

And that blood was splattered all over him.

Jasper has the worst control fail of his life, worse even than when he failed with Bella because this fail means he can't be around Renesmée anymore.

It's miserable all around.

The one highlight here is that it didn't happen when they were headed to the Volturi trial together.

Rosalie watches Emmett blow up.

Jesus christ, random Twilight character generator, just when I thought you were just going to give me boring results.

Not only does Rosalie lose the love of her life, the guy who kept her together, the one good thing she had going for her who made her life worth living, but he did so right in front of her, blowing up out of nowhere.

There's no explanation to be had, no culprit to be found, no reason for it. She had no goodbye, just as she can have no revenge.

She will never have closure.

Renesmée watches Renée blow up.

We go out on a high note, my god. Well done, generator, I'm laughing.

Renesmée is curious enough about her grandmother to go to Florida. She was going to watch from afar, but finds herself talking to the woman who raised her mother.

It's all going well until Renée suddenly explodes all over Renesmée.

Renesmée's first thought is nothing, she's in shock.

Then...

Well, she was controlled as an infant, so I don't think an adult Renesmée would lose it unless under extreme circumstances, like if she encountered a singer.

More, though, Renesmée might have any reasons of her own not to drink human blood, but she has been raised with this being a big no-no.

So she shouldn't.

However...

Is she ever going to get a better chance?

Ethically, she could easily argue this is the right choice. No one will be negatively affected by this, at least not directly.

The human is right there, already dead, and there's no body so while Renesmée does have to clean up the gore. Hell, if she laps up the blood on her clothes and the ground she will be cleaning up. Why waste perfectly good blood?

If Renesmée Cullen is ever going to have human blood, this is it.

It will come down to how much she respects her grandfather, and how important she believes Renée was to Bella.

-

Bonus, because I'm having way too much fun with this:

Bree watches Atheonodora blow up.

Bree is minding her own business when suddenly a vampire unlike any she has ever seen before, one with hazy eyes and odd skin, appears before her. They stare at each other. Then the woman blows up.

Bree takes this to mean that exploding is apparently something vampires just do sometimes, runs off in a panic and, sobbing, tells Riley.

Riley, having no idea what to make of any of this, tells her it was those evil yellow-eyes with their witchcraft and sorcery.

[acourtofantumbra]

Pulling at the Thread of the Day Court and the Dawn Court Pt.1 - Alchemy & Other Realms

☆ All SJM spoilers: ACOTAR, CC, and TOG ☆

I might be putting this insanity out into the tumblr wilds, but trust that I do not think anyone would ever care to read something this long. Idk if my college thesis was this long. This is a literal invitation into how my neurodivergent brain works. Expect real a to b to q to wow we've just fully veered off the road... where are we even going? energy. If you get tired along the way — yeah, trust me that's normal.

So, I'm doing my first re-read of ACOTAR!! Tbh during the first go around I struggled with the OG trio (I DNFed ACOFAS multiple times lol) and it's been well over a year since I've read them. But recently, I binged every other SJM book/series. So during my messy reread I've been picking up on a lot. And enjoying it more! But there were two fleeting moments from ACOMAF & ACOWAR that caught my eye and led me down what will become (maybe) the longest fucking theory spiral. Like multi part...

Honestly? It's been so fun. My job is very soul sucking.

In short — nothing about this will be short lol — the thread I followed brought me to Helion, his Day Court, and weird connections to both the Thesan/the Dawn Court and one of ACOTAR’s many unexplored Faerie Realms. And some realms not in ACOTAR. I also take a look at both Helion and Thesan’s powers (as well as some others) that have me questioning... some unexplored "magic" from multiple worlds. Happy to call all of it crack theory, but I will be citing as much canon as tumblr's image limit allows. This is gonna be a long and winding road!

I always add books and page numbers (and try to add any other relevant citations) to the visuals/sources I use, so check those out if you need some extra info!

Color Key: spoilers, notes from me 2 u, important, important + links, mentioned later in the post, mentioned in another post of mine or in a future post

Day Court Powers and Dawn Court Powers

Alright, so the moment that caused me to spiral was a snipe from Lucien in Chapter 11 of ACOWAR. Feyre’s plan to GTFO of the Spring Court is fully in motion, but she's freaking out about Hybern weaponizing faebane. Breezing past that, Lucien confronts her about being a big ol’ liar whilst reminding her that he has other friends, ok? 

So, two things: I was trying to remember who Lucien’s friend was and thought, Oh right, the ‘Master Tinkerer.’ The friend that made Lucien’s golden eye, which is itself magical.

But then I got caught up in a different question... Like hold up, what healing powers did Feyre use in this moment he’s talking about?

Because that's the main power of the Dawn Court that's canon thus far. Especially because Lucien is pointing out that his friend’s light and Feyre’s light comes from “the same power,” which he seems to know intimately, and their “light is identical.” At first, I was just confused because who is this non-High Lord person with High Lord power? And are we all cool with that or...?

So I flip back to ACOMAF to remind myself wtf we’re talking about here… which of Thesan’s — or the Dawn Court’s — powers did Feyre use in the Hybern/Cauldron event at the end of the book? A display noticeable enough that Lucien clocked Feyre's light looking familiar — perhaps because his mechanical/magical eye might have related functions. 

As it turns out we're not talking about Thesan’s powers at all… we’re talking about Helion’s powers. Which might be why Lucien is intimately familiar with how the power works — for wholly different reasons... like having inherited Helion’s powers himself.

So Feyre breaks through Hybern's wards so she can get her sisters and IC out and reestablishes her bond speaking with Rhys, but notably she still can't feel the bond with Hybern's spell crushing down on it. But she pretends she's broken the "curse" Rhys has put on her to make her like him more than Tamlin...

Tamlin... my dude... no...

And while Feyre gave an Oscar worthy performance convincing everyone that her very nice Night Husband was evil the whole time, Lucien is suspicious as hell... and so is his eye.

Lucien knew Feyre was full of shit and with “centuries of cultivated reason” he might know about some other lies *cough* who his real dad is *cough*. But his mating bond with Elain has freshly snapped into place… so his priorities shifted, one could say, and doesn’t call Feyre out.

Ok, so where are we now? 

Feyre used Helion’s Day Court power - his light and his cursebreaking/spellbreaking to take down Hybern’s wards so the Night Court could get her recently Made sisters out of dodge. Lucien clocks this because he has a friend in the Dawn Court with the same abilities and the same light and also maybe because he personally knew Papa Helion’s powers were being used.

Here's a post from whitewolf-ofdoranelle: detailing some evidence about Lucien maybe knowing the truth about Helion and his powers.  

About Light in the SJM Multiverse:

It's becoming more important by the second!

We have many different shades that seemingly allude to overarching people/powers/plots. Most of the time when we encounter characters using or emitting light, they/we don’t exactly know where it comes from or how it works. Which is why so much of the understanding re: our shining characters is still just speculation at this point.

But we know it's for sure important with the introduction of the Starborn Line in Crescent City and the lore that connects Midgard and Prythian (tho the stories are not identical... someone is lyinggg). We’re building that knowledge more extensively as the multiverse comes into play.

For example, when Feyre glows after the mate-a-thon with Rhysand in the mountain cabin she wonders what court's light is turning her into a 100 watt bulb...

It very well might be a different light! Helion's light has been described as healing! Of all the glowy boys — Thesan is actually the glowiest and the brightest! Are they different? Are they the same? I really don't know!!! And I'm sorry if I've made you more confused now too. Tho I do delve into Thesan more towards the end.

A thought I've had re: Helion's kind of light (I'll get more into in another post) has everything to do with Pelias... and Helion's sensitivity to the Dread Trove.

In ACOSF, Helion has to have the IC cover the mask and physically remove himself from the area... no one else has this sensitivity (at least to this extreme) and all Helion has to say for himself is this:

It's worth noting that in Midgard they don't seem to have the same distinctions regarding light powers. Like... everyone who glows (minus Hunt) is Starborn?

In Prythian we have Dawn Court light, Day Court light, Night Court shadows and perhaps this (to borrow the Midgard term) Starborn light. Pelias, the controversial figure in the lore connecting P + M in the King Fionn and Theia story, is said to be a Starborn prince. But at every turn the Princes of Hel are quick to point out that Pelias' power and his light are nothing like Theia's — who is, by their claim, the true Starborn power holder — and her daughters'. They also say Theia's daughters have starborn and shadow gifts, but that isn't necessarily part of Pelias' skill set either... I'm lookin' at you Aidas.

Anyway, I've toyed with the idea that perhaps Pelias' light powers, because Midgard lacks the distinction between light powers, could be Day Court-like. And it would make sense that the Dread Trove would ward against anyone in that lineage considering "Pelias wielded [Luna's] Horn until he died" (HOEB). JUST SOME THOUGHTS.

Check out this absolutely incredible (a comprehensive) theory post from @wingedblooms about the different kinds of light in the SJM Multiverse

But back to Lucien’s friend who has Day Court powers… who is she? 

It’s Nuan! A character I was like, "She seems cool, can’t wait to get to know her.”

And then ACOWAR ended and we never heard from her again... womp. But, some might call this a loose end.

It's me. I'm calling it that.

Considering she played a big role in Lucien’s life (a former main-ish character with nothing but loose ends), provided critical help to win the war against Hybern, has a suspicious amount of power, technical skills, and connection to distant faerie realms we still know frustratingly little about… Nuan has nothing but potential! Welp, let’s get into it. 

So remember how Feyre is like “What if everything I eat has faebane in it, wow that’s suddenly a huge problem for us right now on the verge of war?” And then Lucien is like, “You have my friend’s powers, you liar?” Coincidental? Cool.

When Nuan is finally introduced by name, she's shown up at the tensest High Lord meeting ever at the Dawn Court. Why? She wants to let everyone know she invented a cure for that pesky Faebane. Helpful!

There is a metric ton stuffed into her introduction and it's hard to even know where to begin, but I'll try.

Just know the “she looks kind of like Amren thing” is incredibly specific and out of nowhere.

Whenever SJM throws in an “oh, I just kinda thought that… strange” and “oh hm maybe i saw that person glowing like a 60 watt bulb but maybe not” etc etc etc… statements, they are always important. There are more of those moments to come and every series by her is full of these.

Anyway, ACOTAR has had 5 books (4 novels, one novella) and this comparison to Nuan is among one of the more specific pieces of the “who and what is Amren” puzzle we get. We’ll get to it, but we’ve got a mountain the size of Ramiel  to dig through first. 

Back to the Dawn Court scene: Being his usual discriminatory self, Beron aka the High Lord of Autumn is suspicious of Nuan’s miracle cure for faebane for because he's an asshole and a xenaphobe — we’ll come back to this. But she counters with her own commitment to protecting the fae from being poisoned and powerless. Go Nuan! It also seems like she's a very dedicated scientist, but that behind this science there is also magic. Makes sense when you consider the whole magical appendages gig she has!

Nuan monologues about the Mother aka higher power/god/[insert mystical lore here] situation who is suspect #1 in the whole “what are the gods?” conversation. The gods, etc. are known lore — which exists in different forms ACOTAR, TOG, and CC — and they're complicated enough to warrant their own massive post.

Anyway, Nuan explains that the Mother provides “everything we need on this earth.” Nuan simply needed to find what the Mother has provided Prythian to stop Hybern from “wiping out” their powers. Considering she applied this logic and it worked… seems legit... and important?

So yes, the way she phrased her scientific method struck me... and left me with so many more questions than I started with. Like what did you use and how did you do it and where did you find it??? What do you mean this earth?! I could keep going!!!!

However, her antidote can’t protect fae entirely because physical objects made from faebane will still have dangerous effects. Sounds like her compound is able to… dare I say… break the curse or spell of faebane? But if  the physical object that makes fae vulnerable comes barreling at them… well that’s a whole different story. Kind of like how from the first scene I mentioned: Feyre could break the wards and the spell silencing her mating bond with Rhys, but she still couldn’t feel any of the physical effects of the bond with Hybern’s spell shutting her down.

Nuan, it seems, not only has Day Court-like powers as a person whose family isn’t from Prythian, or the Solar Courts, she can transform magic/power into physical objects - magical mechanical body parts and medicines, for ex. Kind of like less spooky Nesta sword versions of Made objects?

But this is apt considering she’s not just a tinkerer (a word that will always make me lol), but Thesan introduces her as an alchemist.  

Let's talk about alchemy, baby

So let’s take an unplanned detour off the cliff of what tf is alchemy? VERY COMPLICATED is what it is! You may wonder where the heck are I'm going with this... patience my friend. Possibly somewhere... maybe nowhere... idk. Look, I said this would be long.

I promise we'll delve into actual historical contexts, but I'm gonna be real with you... I'm not a scholar, or a philosopher, or an archaeologist, or a theologian, or a chemist, or an anthropologist. I took courses on these subjects, but I just enjoy learning about this stuff/consuming content about it. Alchemy is very mysterious, very "lost to time," so it's hard to get it right. And just to keep it 100... my deepest and longest exposure to alchemy comes from a beloved manga and anime series. If you're like... "yup, absolutely not." Skip the rest of this post if you'd like... or skip ahead. To both fandoms... I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do. lol.

Alright, raise your hand if you too love the manga and anime series Full Metal Alchemist… If you’re not raising your hand, I highly recommend giving it a whirl. And maybe don't ruin it by reading any of this. If you think Kingdom of Ash has insane world building culminations and… pain... yeah FMA has that and emotional pain I’ve never healed from. *sobs* 10/10 

Much like SJM and her use of universal mystical concepts and traditions, FMA also references much of the real history of alchemy and, by association, incredibly complex mystic religious principles. And what would ya know? Turns out FMA is a super helpful tool to explain/understand this very difficult subject.

So let’s take a quick look at the main character in FMA…

That’s Edward. He’s a rascal. He’s also an incredible alchemist who’s able to transmute — woefully basic explanation: turn objects from their original form into something else through the law of equal exchange — without a transmutation circle. That's a rarity among even the greatest alchemists. Because he can do this, at age 12, he becomes the youngest State Alchemist (he works for the government begrudgingly). Though, in the image above, that's Ed with a transmutation circle and hm... is that a star shaped rune? I digress.

You might ask... where is there an instance of a "law of equal exchange" in SJM's worlds? It might not be a perfect parallel, but... there's definitely something going on with give and take regarding magic. And that has major implications re: how much magic each world has (and how much the Asteri need to consume/wreck worlds for). I'm a broken record but... that perhaps will be its own post one day.

When Nuan talks about the Mother providing what that world needs... I feel like we're touching on something here. And as an alchemist, her work would be centered around this law of balance. Of course, we get absolutely no details from SJM.

But let's look at something we've encountered a bit more, like the Great Rite. Note: not my favorite magic tradition in these worlds... But it keeps coming up, especially where characters with mysterious pasts are concerned.

I've also made a post tying it in with Hunt from Crescent City and... idk... once I saw it, I can't unsee it.

First off, Lucien shakes off shadow hands multiple times talking about the Great Rite... please take note of that for a point below.

But we get reference of a tradition that must occur every year for their magic's cosmic "give-and-take." Sounds equal exchange-like.

High Lord becomes the Hunter (Hunt... is that you?) who needs to find the Maiden (Bryce is this what you guys are doing?) selected by the magic. Then they "couple" *sigh* and generate magic that's released back to the earth and all is well and magical for the coming year. Sure.

The Maiden has come up countless time in the references to the triunity or triple goddesses throughout ACOTAR, CC, and TOG (Also long and complicated - I am 100% doing a post on this). Short version: the triple goddess = mother, maiden, and the crone. Three-faced goddess. All the moon goddesses implicated. Witches and their goddesses... Persephone-like characters... etc. etc. etc. I'll get into it another time... this is my super bowl. But the Maiden has everything to do with the Mother and vice-versa, just as Nuan pointed out in her assessment of balance and magic within this world.

Outside of the Great Rite's Hunter and the Maiden ritual, Lucien says the rest of court takes a part in the night, "though it’s not the Great Rite, our own dalliances tonight will help the land, too" (ACOTAR, Chapter 21). Energy spent becomes energy reaped... even if they don't get the ritualistic title. Is this reminding you of science class and the first law of thermal dynamics: energy can't be created or destroyed it can only be transformed? It should.

It's notable that every Court has a Great Rite they must comply with to power the magic of the land, though we're only familiar with the Spring Court's Calanmai tradition. But in ACOSF, Gwyn mentions multiple times that when females "come of age" they can, and seem to be expected to, participate in the Rite. And we all know rituals with titles and milestones have never gone wrong for anyone... *stares in Crescent City* (The Drop). But also, we're seeing instances in both CC and ACOTAR where magic is waning... like the balance is off. Rhys tells Feyre that Starfall souls are less plentiful and well... we know the Asteri are over indulging in first light. Essentially, exchanges are not equal and there are traditions in place to keep them that way! What's changing? What does this mean?

The TikToker ahappyhermit posted her first podcast episode about Starfall and the dwindling souls and it's awesome. She's also got a lovely reading voice!

Back to FMA, transmutation boiled down also feels suspiciously similar to Aelin and co. drawing their wyrdmarks... something many SJM theories speculate will make a big return come CC3/ACOTAR5.

Alchemists even wear objects (clothes? yup! prosthesis? yup! fake eyes... eye patches? yup!) or have tattoos (Aelin and Bryce's world walking tats? TOG witches w/ the Eye of the Goddess tats?) with transmutation runes to help them attempt to do what Ed can do — transmute without crouching down and drawing out a rune.

In an attempt to try and spare you the full rundown of the science and magic of both alchemy and the world of FMA... there's gonna be metric tons of nuance I'm leaving out. The FMA fandom are effectively scholars at this point and I just want you ALL to know I know I'm watering some of this down.

Why can Ed transmute without a circle? It's really complicated, and important, but I'll do my best to summarize. First, it helps that, like Nuan, he has a metal arm - in FMA it's called automail, it's as complex as we've come to know Nuan's work is (albeit a little less magical), and basically he can do science faster/easier with it (I'm so sorry this would simply take too long to explain). And because *giant and complete FMA spoiler alerts across the board - like seriously I'm going to discuss all of the big reveals* he does some majorly taboo alchemy — resurrection of human life — that takes his leg and arm (and his brother's entire body, but not his soul leaving him as animated armor). Performing the taboo human transmutation opens a portal to the Gate of Truth. It opens, revealing a dimension of information which manifests as a shadowy void with several shadow-like hands coming out of it and a single large eye within. And this isn't just pure FMA canon, it draws inspiration from the lore of the Tree of Life.

Shadowy hands and something with a big eye watching you in a knowledge void? Hm... Let us turn to Nesta spiraling out and falling down the House of Wind steps and into her Making memories from the Cauldron. This does not include the MANY times characters, from multiple worlds, mention feeling shadowy hands (*wink* Dorian), but we saw examples with Lucien above.

The Cauldron kind of sounds like a big eye in a shadowy void that is perhaps a different dimension stacked with information, huh?

And what happens after Nesta's spiral? She comes to and realizes she's sparked and embedded her hand, and then handprint, in stone... which is also glowing.

Did anyone else find this moment/detail weird when they were reading? Cassian found it super weird!

Back to Edward, at the Gate of Truth, he meets a god, Truth. It's a whole thing. Insanely long story short, by reaching the Gate, Edward sees into the void that holds the truth of the universe. This allows him to bypasses the need to draw runes and instead channels the energy of alchemy/all the nature bending stuff he does by his own will.

Effectively, Ed seeing beyond the Gate allows him to break the rules of nature and freely wield a "different magic".

Interesting, because what Nesta has taken from the Cauldron seems to allow her to bypass the natural order of things too. No markings or weapons needed.

Throughout the series some (Illyrians) call Nesta a witch and refer to her different, powerful magic as unnatural. In fact, even the other magical beings of Prythian do not get her magic.

Hypothetically, and just pretend with me, Nesta could (she gave it back) do a kind of alchemy without the limits of nature/the laws of Prythian because she she took too much from the Cauldron/void of truth... it stands to reason that, much like using the wyrdmarks in TOG, that alchemists like Nuan are tapping into something totally different magic-wise. Like most High Fae have some magical capabilities, but the High Lords are usually the ones with the more robust skillset. Alchemy might be this secret link to why characters — multiple groups of high skilled/non royal fae/even humans in TOG — can display huge power... as well as create objects with incredible abilities like arms and eyes... and... Prythian iPods?

Helion might not have tinkerers like Thesan, but he does have piles of libraries and scholars... oh ya you can be I will be doing a post just on libraries.

Anyway so we've got some suspicious powers around, suspicious magic objects created for other purposes originally, and magical objects like body parts and medicinal powders. We've got multiple instances across worlds that implicate magic and cosmic balance... specifically that balance being off now.

Especially with magic being targeted (First and Second Light in HSOAB) as a deity food source - I think correcting the broken state of magic with alchemy could very well become... something. And I explain below an instance we already have seen where non-magical magic does just this in the SJM multiverse.

But in the next part of this theory spiral this connects (perhaps!) to Nesta and the Cauldron/Gate of Truth concept I outlined. Specifically, alchemists who see it and come back have taken too much from it. It comes at a great personal cost, but they have superior nature-bending abilities. The "great personal cost" thing is a TOG quote... just btw. Spoiler alert: witch mirrors

Ok, I promise just a few more comps using FMA and we'll move this train right along...

Finally, in FMA and alchemy seven is also big number and I get into some other instances in the real history below. There are seven Homunculi, beings with tremendous power who have their own agenda with a much bigger scope than what's happening on this sole planet/realm. And actually, there's a secret eighth Homunculus that's been hiding in plain sight for the whole show (like a secret 8th court?)... and ends up being the creator of the other homunculi... as well as being Ed & Al's dad (like said secret court being an origin point for all our favorite fae?). What is a homunculus? It refers to the medieval legendary concept of a being Made and brought into existence by certain means of alchemy and it requires the Philosopher's Stone (too complicated to even get into, but it comes up again in my Pt. II post). Also fun fact: in FMA, Homunculi all carry the mark of the Ouroboros... like that (witch) mirror in ACOTAR that people have been mighty suspicious of.

The Homunculi are aptly named after the seven deadly sins - pride, envy, lust, wrath, greed, sloth, and gluttony. Makes you think... Asteri are pretty gluttonous... Valg? Princes of the Pit? Angels? Scions? Some High Lords? Nesta? IDK?! Anyway, the Homunculi begin as villains and some change their allegiance along the way. But not all not all of them are inherently evil. Despite looking like the human characters/beings in FMA, "Homunculi are still aberrations of nature created by violating the laws of the natural universe, and as such, have no souls." It's complicated, but they're incapable of accessing the Gate of Truth or regular alchemic (read: magic) powers, because they lack souls. Some weird Valgy/TOG god/Asteri/can't get through a damn portal parallels, no?

Ok, that was still SO long, and I'm just gonna leave these many kernels of thought I have failed to really wrap up here... whilst staring into my own void... and catalog of all the characters and beings we've run into described as something else or Made or bred. I will spare you from the whole chimera conversation... FOR NOW... but I'm looking at all of the spooky murder pets our heroes have fought off... and truly every Asteri "experiment" being. Just know that.

Has Sarah watched this show? Dude, I don't know. But I do know that we both entered the world of fantasy via Sailor Moon. According to this post she even wrote wildly popular Sailor Moon fanfiction. So she has watched and loved at least one anime. FMA is wildly popular, has a rich fantasy plot that's a masterclass in world building with brilliantly researched foundations in global mystical traditions, and it's penned by a woman! So, no, I'm not 100% convinced she hasn't.

So, is alchemy real? Kind of...

OK, I swear I'll focus now. So alchemy! There was a time when people believed it was real (from the ancient past to Isaac Newton who wrote a lot about alchemy and very real science). The way I have come to understand it, alchemy exists within the crossroads of science and mythology. It's even been considered a kind of witchcraft or spellwork. However, alchemy did either lead to, or exist along side, many important scientific laws and discoveries we still hold as truths/are taught today.

So... witchcraft, eh? We've had allusions to witches in ACOTAR, but we seem to be lacking the noted presence of such beings like we've seen in CC and TOG (though we still don't fully understand their powers across the board)... unless they're hiding in plain sight dressed as something else?

Interesting... no? I am far from the first to suggest the Made Archerons are witches (and Pt. II will have more witch talk and citations to great theory posts I didn't write). But hey, they could be alchemists too...

We know from Nesta's perspective in ACOSF that she absolutely took more than she should have from the Cauldron and she is using/making tools (read: swords) right and left. Plus, Mor's description sounds suspiciously like alchemy that's... gone rogue or without equal exchange. Also, more simply, everyone calls Nesta a witch (specifically the Illyrians) and she's cool with it. But that's could be because she revels in being scary and we love her for it.

Alchemy as word reveals much about it. Like most terms that have an "al" to start (algebra, algorithm, alfalfa, alcohol, almanac...) is an Arabic syllable for “the,” and we see it show up in the language of math and science.

"Alchemy was rooted in a complex spiritual worldview in which everything around us contains a sort of universal spirit, and metals were believed not only to be alive but also to grow inside the Earth... Historian Nevill Drury, in his book "Magic and Witchcraft," notes that, "The word alchemy is thought to derive from an Egyptian word, 'chem' or 'qem,' meaning black — a reference to the black alluvial soils bordering the Nile ... We know that the Greek word 'chyma,' meaning to fuse or cast metals, established itself in Arabic as 'al kimia' — from which alchemy is derived." Live Science

"Alchemists attempted to purify, mature, and perfect certain materials. Common aims were chrysopoeia, the transmutation of "base metals" (e.g., lead) into "noble metals" (particularly gold); the creation of an elixir of immortality... The perfection of the human body and soul was thought to result from the alchemical magnum opus ("Great Work"). The concept of creating the philosophers' stone was variously connected with all of these projects." Wikipedia

There's a lot going on there, but we're speeding right along. You can ask questions at the end of class. No, seriously ask them because I'm probably not gonna dig that deep here.

Alchemy has roots in many different ancient places and sprung up independently of one another.

"[There were] at least three major strands, which appear to be mostly independent, at least in their earlier stages: Chinese alchemy, centered in China; Indian alchemy, centered on the Indian subcontinent; and Western alchemy, which occurred around the Mediterranean and whose center has shifted over the millennia from Greco-Roman Egypt to the Islamic world, and finally medieval Europe." Wikipedia

As it turns out, Sarah and alchemy have a lot in common — they love mixing a matching the myth of many places into one magical tangle. There's a lot to unpack there and I wont get to all of it here... but I will try to eventually. One thing I will definitely touch on in another post is alchemy's connection to the God Hermes who keeps coming up in my research — he has many powers, but notably he's a world walker.

So from the quote above I'm gonna dive into connections with what we know about elemental fae magic, then we get back to Nuan and Alchemy's far reaching geographic history, and how that brings us to major questions marks around Helion and Thesan and their Courts.

Elemental Fae Magic vs Alchemy

So we don't know everything about elemental fae magic across worlds, but from the recent books and leading plots... we get a ton of focus on weapons (swords) being the biggest world connections (CC 3), Nesta forging narban blades, and Rhys explaining finally what this world is and what magic/fae used to be like.

Something new, eh? Something different?

As the LiveScience quote above points out, alchemy is magical, scientific, but it's also deeply connected to the Earth and laws of the universe. So elements play a big role and, you guessed it, we get the number 7 again (if you don't get why I keep referencing 7 I encourage you to take note every time the number 7 comes up in TOG, ACOTAR, CC because it's near constant):

"The elemental system used in medieval alchemy... consisted of seven elements, which included the five classical elements (aether, air, earth, fire, and water) in addition to two chemical elements representing the metals." Wikipedia

If you're unfamiliar with the concept of aether, here's an incredibly rushed explanation that's still somehow too long:

Aether has roots dating back to ancient Greece and means, "in Homeric Greek, 'pure, fresh air' or 'clear sky'. In Greek mythology, it was thought to be the pure essence that the gods breathed, filling the space where they lived, analogous to the air breathed by mortals. It is also personified as a deity, Aether, who is at times relates to Chronus, Erebus, Nyx, Chaos and Hemera (this is its own post) in traditional Greek mythology. Aether is related to αἴθω 'to incinerate', and intransitive 'to burn, to shine'."

Traditionally there are 4 elements - air, earth, fire, water. But in the Medieval Age (read: alchemy time), scientists concluded there was a 5th element. Aether was considered the material that fills the region of the universe beyond the terrestrial sphere. Unlike the four terrestrial elements that were subject to change and moved linearly, aether was a celestial element that moved circularly and had none of the qualities the terrestrial classical elements. Aether also is tied in quite often with light. And this is significant because light is notably how scientists (have — some theories since disproven — and currently do) measure distance and travel within space.

I find aether particularly interesting because, within the SJM multiverse, we have seen magic wielders display powers that would fall within the terrestrial elements (ex. Autumn Court's fire powers, Rowan's/Whitehorns' wind powers, House of Many Waters & Aelin's mom's water powers, etc.). But then we have these outliers whose powers work a little differently... perhaps more powerfully... specifically when we're talking about light and shadow. And with the allusions to burning, shining, and breath... we've got a lot of interesting Starborn connections. Also... travel within non-terrestrial spaces??? Come on now!

Back to Elemental Fae

In the ACOSF passage above, Rhys explains that Prythian Fae magic used to be more elemental — like the elements above. He also says their kind of magic could forge great weapons, just like Nesta who creates her narban blades... and a reminder that there are the 5 discussed elements and also 2 metals (we wont get into specifics here, but just... metals ok?) to create the 7 alchemic elements.

Tons here to analyze but take a look at TikToker chemicalrosie killing it on the analysis of elemental fae magic, weapons, and connections across the SJM worlds. She does most of the heavy lifting on this point (thanks Rosie).

In Crescent City we get more hints of elemental fae magic. In fact the Houses themselves seemingly represent these elements: House of Sky and Breath (aether? Also potentially air?), House of Earth and Blood (earth), House of Many Waters (water), House of Flame and Shadow (fire... also aether?). Under the House of Sky and Breath there are even beings called "Elementals," though we don't exactly know what an elemental is yet because their mentions are limited. Am I screaming "alchemists" into the void? Sure am. If they were elemental fae... wouldn't they just be called fae??? We do know they belong in the same House as angels, fae, and those blessed by major gods (which we know can give a magical or non magical being gifts of varying levels from TOG).

We also get mention of an Elemental War, which Lehaba mentions a distant relative sprite being involved in. Though that is sort of the extent of what we know about it (unless I'm wrong and feel free to tell me I'm wrong always).

We also get another depiction of elemental fae magic forging a weapon (refer back to that TikTok above if you want to delve into who this is and what it depicts in the multiverse).

So we're not gonna get too much deeper into elemental fae magic (tho let me know if you want further digging on this because my unhinged brain knows no bounds), but let me sketch my overarching point with this.

We have multiple points of reference within the SJM Multiverse where elemental magic and its noted difference to starborn/aether-like magic is being woven into this bigger world-spanning plot. Obviously, I referenced CC and ACOTAR here, but I could have dumped a ton of TOG references in here too (and will... later!).

We also have a multiverse with magic that seems... out of balance. We do not not know why all of these element-related mentions have been baked into the plot here and there. What was the Elemental War and why are magic abilities so different among Fae at the very least — and why are they different than they were before?

We also have metal/Made/superior substance swords linking our multiverse and being forged despite that not happening in a very long time. But now that Nesta has relinquished her stolen power back to the Cauldron... and we've got a world walker stuck in Prythian who may want to leave with one more sword than she landed with... seems like special weapon forging might be a useful skill. If only there was someone who could make magical metal objects without the powers of some spooky void or magical land decree...

Oh wait... we do have that person. And perhaps she also has a whole team of alchemists like her.

That's right folks... the last part... of this first part...

Back to Nuan and Other Faerie Realms

Oh my god this is so long. If you're still reading... I think we're officially betrothed? Idk. I love you.

Ok, so Nuan is described to us as so unique looking (look, I am not saying this is a great moment from SJM) she can only compare her to Amren... a [we have no idea but lots of speculation] being from another world.

Then we get a stark moment of xenophobia from Beron during the Dawn Court-High Lords meeting... because Nuan's parents are from a Fae realm called Xian. Xian is a faerie territory located somewhere in the Continent (I will speculate a ton below) that notably supported the loyalists during the war that resulted in the wall between the mortal lands and the fae realm. That means Xian was pro human slavery and that they ultimately lost. Nuan follows this up by reminding High Lord Asshat that she is as Prythian as his sons (let's go girl).

Beron's outburst also causes Thesan to jump to her defense because (that's his girl) his mom was from Xian... actually the majority of his court is from Xian?

ALRIGHTY THEN! Where to start?

So first off, just extrapolating from what we get in this exchange re: Xian... a place like most places SJM has not explained at all to us in that we know almost nada about it. If Xian supported the loyalists... and then they lost... and then a bunch of fae relocated to the Dawn Court in search of "a better life," we might (read: I do) assume that this was a territory south of the wall. Faeries, after the war, were not allowed to stay in the southern part of the continent.

Why do I find this interesting? Why have I spent 800 years getting to this point about an alchemist from Xian? Why do I even think alchemy is worth spending this much time thinking about when this is the only time we encounter it in ACOTAR?

Well, because it's not the only time we encounter it in the SJM multiverse.

So, in TOG, there are alchemists on the Southern continent who provide really important firelances to Aelin & co.'s fight against the Valg. A magical, very effective weapon that non-magical beings can use... and it's so impressive Aelin is relieved that her waning fire magic will be supported by such... firepower.

You know what else conveniently pops on the Southern continent in TOG? Healers and their Torre Cesme... Yrene Towers ilu. Isn't it just so coincidental that the Dawn Court's powers just so happen to be healing powers? And that in the TOG world there's an entire Fae healer community that relocated to the Southern Continent, bred healing powers into the mortal population, and then just... disappears? And also like are dead in crypts that are unbreakable for Valg related reasons, but I digress.

And something else that's fun is that Thesan and Nuan aren't even the only characters in that scene to get a cryptic allusion to a familiar sounding Southern continent that is notably... not one we've met via ACOTAR.

When Feyre describes Helion (it always comes back to him doesn't it?) in, yes, that meeting of the High Lords at the Dawn Court... I swear to all these freaking gods I didn't plan this! Anyway, she "all the sudden for some weird reason" starts thinking about a place her dad (feeling like I have to do a deep dive on Papa Archeron because the more I research not looking for him the more he pops up) visited as a merchant — south-eastern kingdom that sounds suspiciously Antica from Tower of Dawn. And we know when she thinks fondly of her father's merchant days she also always brings up spices... so there's that. (worth noting that this scene with Helion is BIG in my pt. 2 post)

So, obviously we get allusions to actual empires/places within these "different realms" in the SJM multiverse. Xi'an is the name of a real province in China (and has gifted the world so much food-wise and i'm sure countless other ways but I wont rest until I have cuminy lamby noodles asap) and the Khagnate/Southern Continent of the TOG world draws inspiration from the Mongol Empire (how I feel about SJM's... useage of these empires is it's own separate convo). It also includes a lot of the territories where alchemy sprung up independently and thrived that I mentioned before.

Sadly I'm out of images I can post (holy crap), so just... google it

Cool so we've got a lot of relevant territories covered here re: their SJM multiverse parallel.

Obviously Amren is the mystery that keeps giving and tons of people have their theories about her... and I guess SJM at one point said she's some kind of archangel... personally? IDK! Do I think it's strange, in my untangling of this curious maybe from another world territory population, that Amren... a being we know is from another world chose a Xian fae body? Yup! Especially because the southern continent, as we learn in Tower of Dawn from the Stygian Spyders (her handmaidens... which is what I thought Amren could have been, but that's not my theory battle I choose to fight) that there was a big ol' door/portal/whatever that Maeve walked herself and clique through. Hm...

Also, let us not forget when Nuan casually mentioned in her alchemic practice that the "Mother provides everything [they] need on this earth." What does she know that we doooon't?

And while I know I've wanted more, more of the other solar courts — I think perhaps they've been held back because they'll play an integral role in whatever happens next. I mean in addition to everything else Thesan's got a population of winged beings that sound suspiciously like Midgard's angels and Helion's got the only flying horsies (and libraries... I cannot stress how preoccupied I am with libraries in these worlds).

Re: Dawn Court... light-filled healers in TOG (specifically Yrene) play an essential role when it comes to the Valg (who we're not 100% are also the Asteri or Daglan, but let's say they're in the same fam). Yrene can "cure" the people the Valg infect and *the biggest of TOG spoilers* she kills the big bad Valg with her powers. But before she does that... Erawan (which will always just remind me of the fancy shmancy grocery store) wants to capture her and says her powers/what she can do goes far beyond what she understands... and... at the end of the day... us too... SARAH!!!

I will be doing a verrrry deep dive into TOG-world healers because every single page I read describing... like anything about them was making my SJM insanity senses tingle. We haven't spent a lot of time with Thesan and his powers, but we know Feyre's blood can heal others so... curious to see where that one leads.

But the other thing we've got in TOG is a lot of people of varying... let's call them heritages having varied power abilities... and even humans being able to use magic (like wyrdmarks). They've also got a god city and scions and I simply cannot spend anymore time going on tangents here, but know I only have more questions... no answers... help.

OMG we made it. To recap we've got: connections to other faerie realms (whether in ACOTAR or the multiverse which would implicate some world walking), we've got alchemists/alchemy, we've got healers, we've got two light wielding courts with some magic overlap and, and at the very least, magic irregularities. We've got gods all over the place. We've got... so many questions... but hopefully some thought provoking parallels!

If I had to make my very bold "conclusion" to whatever hellscape of a hypothesis this is it's that I do believe the Dawn Court and the Day Court have some mix and matching travel/world walking situations with the southern continent in TOG and ditto for that relationship regarding more elemental fae and Midgard. And with alchemy (that I really hope either exists in this world, manifests as just witches like babes I'll take it) acting as the connecting thread between the power balances of the worlds... idk I think we're gonna get some answers there. And I think perhaps they'll be very important to connecting the worlds.

Mostly... this is my plea to SJM to bring back Nuan! Tell us about the other glowing boys (Thesan & Helion).

Seriously, if you read any of this... thank you and just know I'm sending you a little virtual kiss. Ok, let's both go touch some grass now.

Pt. II is mostly written and coming to a tumblr near you soon.

[fizzingwizard]

Last week I mistakenly wrote “episode 41″ instead of “episode 40.” Tried to fix it, not sure if Tumblr let me. Here’s the real episode 41!

We’ve been on a pretty darn good streak lately, but this episode was a miss for me. It’s not terrible - it’s still far and away better than much of what we were getting in the past - so I don’t want to be harsh. It’s a much needed Yamato & Takeru centric episode, which I was excited for.

But one of the weaknesses in this reboot is that the characters just lack the strong motivations and inner conflict that drove the 99 Adventure series. It’s not completely absent, but it’s very dialed back by comparison. So I just couldn’t really feel the brotherly bond this episode wanted me to feel. But more below the cut.

Pic of the week:

Yamato and his gentle face <3

The group is taking another break. I will never get bored of watching them just chill.

Gomamon gives Jou a massage. On the one hand, cute! On the other, wtf? XD I mean wouldn’t that hurt? He has claws

Cutest siblings.

Even though they’re taking a break, Taichi, of course, is too responsible to properly goof off. (99 Taichi would be so freaked out by this kid.) He decides to go scouting and Koushirou offers to go with him. I really hoped we’d see a bit of what they do this episode scattered through the main story, but looks like we’ll get to it next week and I can’tttt waaaaitttt

Speaking of the main story, Yamato and Takeru decide to go gather food.

Who even knows what the other four get up to. Jou and Mimi continuing their break makes sense, but I’m kinda surprised Hikari and Sora didn’t want to join one of the tasks, or do their own. I suppose they know they can’t leave Jou and Mimi unsupervised though hurr hurr

So Takeru and Yamato go to look for food and find themselves surrounded by fog. Suddenly this little guy, Opossomon, pops out. I instantly hate him and his annoying squeaky voice.

Opossomon takes them to his amusement park. He is sad because nobody comes to visit anymore. I figured Takeru would be like AMUSEMENT PARK AMUSEMENT PARK!! but literally all he cares about is “aw, opossomon seems sad, let’s give him what he wants.”

Whoever heard of a kid who wasn’t excited by amusement parks.

Takeru does get a little excited once they enter the park and start going on rides. They get on the ferris wheel - a classic Digimon motif - and the brothers recall going to a theme park with their parents before the divorce. Takeru reminisces happily, but Yamato seems a bit more reserved.

Takeru: Oniichan was scared of the haunted house and wouldn’t go in?

Gabumon: o_O y-you were??

Yamato: o/////////o

seriously Idk, I just love that he’s bothered by ghosts, bahahaha - pretty sure that wasn’t a thing till Tri, unless it happened in a CD drama or novel or something. Anyway it’s just, it’s just so perfect for Yamato, bahahaha

I am absolutely going to write a ficlet about Taichi, Yamato, & the haunted house now

Then there’s this weird bit. They come across a merry-go-round and they remember that, on their family trip, Takeru tried to go on it with Yamato, but Yamato said no and Takeru went with their mom instead. That seems to be the situation but IT’S NEVER EXPLAINED. Why did Yamato not want to go on the merry go round then?? Was there a reason? Or he just didn’t want to at the time, and the reason he regrets it now is because this turned out to be their last family trip and there was never another chance to go on the merry go round together after that? I could totally accept that but it’s not explained in any way.

Unless I totally zoned out... I’m pretty guilty of that with this show lol.

But this is the kind of thing that bugs me... we’re supposed to understand that Yamato, at least, is feeling some kind of melancholy, at least. But we have so little background for it. We know Yamato and Takeru don’t live together and that they care a lot about each other. But we don’t feel the kind of bitterness 99 Yamato had, nor is Takeru anything like as clingy as his 99 version. They seem pretty well adjusted.

And, I mean, that’s probably the point. Plenty of children of divorce are perfectly well adjusted. Maybe that’s the reason the producers didn’t want to be as heavy-handed with the trauma this time - there’s more divorced families than ever and you don’t want to be guilty of suggesting all those kids are messed up because of it. I’m on board with that. But even in 99, the main reason Yamato and Takeru struggled wasn’t because their parents were divorced - it was because the divorced separated them from each other as well. Each parent took one kid. You can see how that would seem practical, except that kids aren’t furniture, you can’t just divide them evenly and call it fair.

So... yeah. This episode seems to want us to believe Yamato and Takeru are indeed struggling over being separated. But it’s so low key. It just doesn’t make sense when in every other interaction they’ve had, they’ve been fine. The only previous sign was Yamato being worried about protecting Takeru when Tokyo was in danger, and anyone would be worried in that situation - you don’t need to be from a divorced family for that lol.

Back to busness - they come across... Xiaomon? Chowmon? who is annoyingly cute and helpless. Turns out, shock! The theme park is a trap! Opossomon is evil!

And he has evil balloons! Evil balloons!

Yamato and Takeru fight the balloons but somehow end up creating more fog and get separated. Previously they’d also realized that their Digivice communication wasn’t working, probably due to the fog. I hope we see more of that in future episodes.

Yamato hears Takeru’s voice coming from within the dreaded haunted house and ventures inside.

Here’s another bit that just left me like uggggh. Yamato is scared of haunted houses, so make it a big deal that he makes himself go in for Takeru! He has like one timid line about and that’s it. There’s no challenge here. There’s no stress. The whole encounter is like a minute long.

He quickly finds out the voice was actually just a mimic coming from these Takeru balloons.

And then Bakemon attacks.

Me: Now something interesting will happen, right??

Yamato: Nope.

Meanwhile, Takeru hears the story about how Opossomon has been luring Digimon into his theme park and then sacrificing them to his Monzaemon statue thing in another weird example of this Digimon-eat-Digimon world we’re in Why Opossomon is doing this, or where Monzaemon came from, is never explained.

Takeru also encounters his dreaded theme park ride, the roller coaster. But Pegasusmon takes care of it in a single attack lol.

He fights his hardest but still can’t prevent his new friend from getting sucked into the void. This was another place where they could’ve stressed Takeru out, but he’s fine.

Ugh, I miss crybaby Takeru. The victories are more powerful when the challenges are steeper, what does this show not get about that?

Monzaemon then becomes WaruMonzaemon, but he seems to be a mindless puppet ordered around by Opossomon. I DON’T GET IT BUT OKAY.

Now Takeru does something really cool! He wants to save the trapped Digimon and he understands they’re inside WaruMonzaemon’s hole. So he willingly goes in himself!

That is SO COOL! Why isn’t it a bigger deal???

Why don’t we get Takeru struggling to muster his courage?

Why don’t we get real fear and worry from Yamato when he sees him go inside??

Yamato runs up right at that moment just in time to watch his brother get swallowed up. HE SHOULD BE OUT OF HIS MIND WITH PANIC.

But he just fights normally. Shouts Takeur’s name, gets a bit of a power boost... that’s it.

Inside WaruMonzaemon, Takeru finds out that the trapped Digimon are having their life energy sucked away by the balloons connected to them.

Then he and Patamon also realize their own energy is draining away thanks to their own balloons.

Yamato finally looks properly concerned, though it’s still like... not at the level the episode needs.

He recalls the family theme park outing again, and apparently he promised Takeru that the next time, they would go on the merry-go-round together. The episode treats this promise like it’s a Big Deal, again without explaining anything like they never got that next time thanks to the divorce, or they’re so lonely being so far apart, or Yamato is obsessed with giving Takeru everything he wants... I don’t. I don’t get it. I can’t be moved by this nonsense.

why a merry go round? Maybe there’s a good reason I’m not thinking of, but I wish it had been the haunted house or the roller coaster. It would make more sense if Takeru were scared of the roller coaster and only wanted to try it if Yamato went with him, but Yamato at the time said no, and thus Takeru didn’t get over his fear and the roller coaster itself played a role in this episode both towards Takeru getting stronger and their brotherly bond getting stronger...

Inside WaruMonzaemon, Takeru gives a speech about HOPE and HOPE IS IMPORTANT and WE MUST NOT LOSE HOPE and the other Digimon are like YES WE HAVE HOPE HERE’S OUR POWER and are able to channel their life energy into Patamon so he can evolve...

... and Angemon appears. And I’m like, oh yeah, this is the Takeru episode. It’s supposed to be his episode. IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE IT. If anything, up till this point it feels like a Yamato episode.

I mean, in the other episodes, the kids’ Crest traits mattered to various degrees. Sometimes they talked about it in words, sometimes they didn’t so much, but you could see the trait at play (uh, not sure how well that applies to Jou’s case tho...? lol). This episode gets to the very end and is like “Oh yeah by the way Takeru’s trait is hope... forgot to mention it before so lemme mention it ten times in a row now!”

If Takeru had seemed sad, scared, upset - literally any negative emotion - this would have worked, BUT AS USUAL HE’S FINE THE WHOLE TIME.

Angemon wins, duh.

And apparently it’s evening now??? They’re still gonna go get food. By the time they get back the other kids are gonna be like wtf where were you we are STARVING

So yeah, I guess you get the idea of how I feel about this episode. Just nothing special. It’s like a summary of the episode it wanted to be, if you know what I mean. On paper, everything looks fine, but in execution, it’s just... a lot of nothing. I mean compare this to 99 Takeru with DemiDevimon at the theme park. Or how about that fan favorite episode with Gotsumon and Pumpkinmon? Those both kick this out of the water, despite being no more complex.

I just so want this show to understand.... what made 99 Digimon good wasn’t just the monsters and the battle scenes, it was the kids’ relatable flaws and problems and the surprisingly organic way they learned new things and overcame obstacles. Digimon Adventure in 1999 had a way of teaching without preaching that is incredibly rare in children’s media. The modus operandi was pretty much let the kids be kids.

This 2020 reboot is not preachy - but it’s also lacking the stuff that made the 99 show relatable.

However. This wasn’t a terrible episode. At least it gave us some face time between the brothers. I’m frustrated, but I’m still glad that the show has overall been moving in a much more Digimon Adventure-like direction. And who knows what will happen in the end - I plan to rewatch the whole thing after the finale and maybe I’ll discover they were doing something totally different with Yamato and Takeru the whole time that I just didn’t notice, or that wasn’t clear until the very end. We’ll see.

Next week!

My favorite Digimon, Raremon, appears!

More importantly, TAICHI AND KOUSHIROU EPISODE, TAICHI AND KOUSHIROU EPISODE, TAICHI AND KOUSHIROU EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!

like I’m sooooo psyched for this!! I hope it’s good but I’ll just be happy to see the two of them working together. Taichi didn’t appear in the preview though, only MetalGreymon - not sure if that means anything. Regardless, my little Taishiro heart is pounding!

[menalez]

As a psych major and I think?? someone who's talked about personality disorders what do you think of the term "narcissistic abuse"? I saw a TRA complaining about it. They were going on and on about how it's ableist and people in the notes were even like "the victims use that word bc they want to feel like their abuse was special or more damaging" which gross wtf why would they say that??? I was thinking its perfectly fine to use that term if it applies because it is just a way to describe an abusive relationship with more accuracy than just "emotional abuse". It actually refers to specific behaviors and motives. Do you think its ableist? I have anxiety and I'm on the spectrum but I don't have any personality disorders. At the same time, if someone talked about the specific ways an abusive person with autism or anxiety might abuse someone I wouldnt be offended because they arent talking about me, they're talking about an abuser. Which Im not. So I wouldn't be offended :/

yes ive talked about personality disorders! and no i don’t think it’s ableist, i DO think ppl overuse the term and have been calling every other self-centred asshole a narcissistic abuser. but people on tumblr make it seem like.. ppl with NPD & ASPD particularly care? like? firstly people w both disorders Can be abusive and likely won’t care when they are not bc they’re Inherently Bad people at all but.. for ASPD one of the defining characteristics is a disregard for the rights & feelings of others. for NPD one of the defining characteristics is looking down on others and thinking ur inherently superior & inherently deserve better. so like, both of those disorders have symptoms which can result in being abusive. people ive come across with diagnosed ASPD genuinely will not give a shit nor feel guilty if that shit is applied to them and ppl with NPD usually also don’t give a shit and both will openly talk about having been abusive. i do think that some people have very black & white beliefs on these disorders and think those who have these disorders are evil and can’t possibly not be abusive or can’t possibly care about anyone ever or can’t possibly improve as ppl... that’s false. they are people like anyone else and have potential to do good and to do bad, they have the ability to do better and change their behaviours. it’s not inherent or uncontrollable and it is treatable to a degree. and i need to emphasise again... most ppl who these terms apply to literally do not give a single shit. low empathy and disregard for other people’s feelings are very common in NPD and is an inherent part of ASPD.

tho i must say, the term “narcissistic abuse” is not really something that’s been proven to even be a thing. not to say “narcissists abusing those close to them doesn’t happen”, but that there’s nothing showing us that ppl with NPD that abuse will be abusing in a specific and unique way that warrants there being a term for it. and most times i see it being used, it’s being used to refer to someone who likely doesn’t even have a rare and serious disorder like NPD. i also tend to not like such terms bc they place the blame on the disorder rather than the individual. people with personality disorders can control our behaviours and we can seek help and do better, it’s not out of our control nor is someone like that incapable of doing better. it removes the responsibility from the person & puts it on their disorder. so while i don’t think it’s ableist, i also don’t rly think it’s useful nor is it a proven thing. it’s kinda like a pop psychology / armchair psychology thing and it’s not a legitimate term based on research. and it’s become so popular that people are calling every other instance of a person being self-centred and abusive “narcissistic abuse”, to the point where it’s meaningless. abusers are just abusers, they have total control over being abusers and there is no disorder they can hide behind when they act in that way. imo it very much is their choice and on them, even if they have NPD or ASPD, it’s their choice to be abusive and to harm others, their disorder didn’t make them do it. what their disorder does is it makes them not care, but it doesn’t make them take it out on other ppl. so while i definitely think abuse should always be talked about and that there can be a tendency towards abuse w those two disorders, i don’t think the term itself is useful bc it frames it like those disorders create a specific and unique form of abuse that people without the disorders don’t perpetuate. that’s simply false

i think this kinda explains my viewpoint on that term.

[cdyssey]

“Lyra’s Jordan” Reaction:

Hello!! I just recently got into the His Dark Materials series, and now that I’m almost done with the The Subtle Knife, I wanted to start the first season of the show! It caught my eye on Tumblr and made me want to start the books in turn. I’ve heard such good things about the series, and I’m keen to see what it does with this gorgeous world of Pullman’s.

DJDJS, nooooo, not the expositional text scrawl. I get it. You have to introduce people to this world, but still.

OH, it’s Asriel, Stelmaria, and Lyra!!!!!

Aughshsh, baby Lyra smiling at the Master. 😭

Lmao, the canon of Asriel literally just dropping his baby off at a college is objectively the funniest thing in the world. The Master is just like, Wtf? What is wrong with you, man? (To which the right answer, ofc, is a lot of things.)

OH, Dafne Keen is already everything I’ve ever wanted in a Lyra adaptation. Playful, witty, adventurous, (currently) carefree. The type of girl who has no qualms playing with a skeleton’s bones.

And I’m also really glad we get to see these shots of Lyra and Roger playing together. It feels like such a real childhood friendship.

Ooooooh, the show’s letting us see what Asriel’s up to even when Lyra’s not around, which I think is a great move. In the book, Asriel really only showed up at the beginning and end, so having some extra content to help flesh out his character is nice.

Whoa! The title credits and score are so pretty. They remind me of the ones from The Crown.

The Librarian’s fond smile at Lyra when she says please is wonderful. And then she yeets out JSJSJSJSJS. Perfect Lyra.

“The retiring room is expressly forbidden!” / “Not for family reunions.” SJSJSJ.

The Master’s hand shaking as he pours the poison into the Tokay. 🥺

They did such a good job capturing Stelmaria’s air of elegance and regality. I love her VA!!!

God @ Asriel pinning Lyra down. You suck. When I was reading the book, I didn’t know what to think of him until this precise moment, which shaded all my impressions of him from there on out.

(Holistically, tho, I actually do love both his and Mrs. Coulter’s characters. They’re both stunningly vile, but Pullman invests them with such interesting nuances that they’re genuinely two of the most electric characters in a series full of electric characters.)

God @ Lyra rubbing her shoulder after Asriel lets her go. Worst. Father. Of. The. Year.

“I’m sure he had a good reason. To be honest with you, if I were him, I would be afraid of me.” / Huh, I don’t remember if these lines were in the book, but the self-awareness here is really interesting. Asriel knows that he’s playing with dangerous fires, and he’s still doing it anyway.

That sweater on Asriel? And that little gray curl in his hair? Hot damn.

A subtle worldbuilding detail that the show was spot on to pay attention to is how all of the Scholars are essentially old men.

Between Asriel and Dr. Malone, Pullman really understands how much of academia runs on asking for grants hahahaha.

OH, MY GOD. IS THAT MA COSTA.

SHE’S SO WARM AND LOVELY AND OH MY GOD. BILLY. HE’S SO SMALL. JESUS.

And the inclusion of this little coming of age ceremony is beautiful. 😭 The Gyptians are so wonderfully communal.

BILLY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭.

Aufh, Asriel carrying a sleeping Lyra to bed. That’s so soft.

Ur still a shitty father, tho.

But you’re a nuanced man, and I appreciate that.

Lyra waking up and smiling gently in realization. Asriel untying her shoes. Oh, my g o d.

“Can I see the man’s head?” / “No, why would I let you do that?” KWEODIDJ.

This Master and Librarian conversation has me tender. They both care for Lyra so much.

Lyra desperately pleading for Asriel to take her with him. 😭😭 And Asriel’s response: “I am sorry, but I just don’t have time for you right now.”

GOD.

“Did it look like this?” / “What?” / “The airship that my parents died in.” / “No. No, it was smaller.” Jesus.

Something that got me from the books, and that gets me here, too, is that the adults in Lyra’s life had had a similar refrain. “A college is no place for a child.” “The North is no place for a child.” And because these are the only paradigms that Lyra knows, whether through experience or imagination, the most consistent lesson that she’s ever been taught is that there is no place where she belongs.

JOHN FAA!! I love him.

And man, I’m really appreciating the way the show is paying close attention to the Gyptians, who are marginalized in their world. The way that they’re organizing to look for Billy just has me feeling some type of way.

OH? Lord Boreal!!??

“That includes her.” IT’S TIME.

I’m not going to lie. The Tumblr gif that got me interested in the series was a set of Ruth Wilson acting her ass off, so I’m ready to be hurt by her in so many more ways than one.

LMAO, this evil theme at her power walk entrance. Perfect.

The golden monkey!! He looks so deceptively cute here.

It is insane how much Dafne and Ruth weirdly favor each other. If you told me that they were really related, I’d actually believe you.

Thinks about how this is the first time Mrs. Coulter has seen her daughter in, like 12 years.

Also, ooooh, the Master in the background is intently monitoring the conversation because he knows how significant it is, and ofc, he’s absolutely wary of Mrs. C.

She’s so soft-spoken here. 😭

AUGH, and her reaching up to briefly stroke Lyra’s cheek.

“You feel utterly alone. And you feel utterly... magnificent.”

Lyra’s wide-eyed adoration of Mrs. C breaks my heart. It only makes the revelation of her true nature all the more awful. Though she doesn’t know it at this point, Lyra looks up to both of her parents, and both of them so completely fail her.

Wow, in the show, is the implication is that Mrs. Coulter gets Roger kidnapped because Lyra talked about him to her??????? Brutal.

OH, GOD. RUTH WILSON’S FACE AT LYRA UNRESTRAINEDLY HUGGING HER FOR THE FIRST TIME. THE SURPRISE, the CONFUSION, the TENDERNESS.

Roger. 😭

Ma Costa sobbing and Tony hugging her oh my g o d. I’m upset. It is no coincidence that this scene almost comes directly on the heels of the Mrs. Coulter/Lyra hug. The juxtaposition is bonechilling. Mrs. Coulter is partaking in the joys of motherhood for the first time, and Ma Costa is contending with the grief of missing a child directly because of everything that Mrs. Coulter is doing.

“Lord Asriel himself brought it to the college when you were just a baby.” Cue the Master and Librarian smiling fondly at their little Lyra, remembering. 🥺

Lyra frantically shrieking for Roger stings. The show did an excellent job of capturing their friendship—honestly, better than the books I would argue.

“BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN A GOOD AND STRONG MOTHER TO HIM, MAGGIE.” I’m crying a little at this line because my name is Maggie, and so now I love Ma Costa even more if that’s at all possible.

John Faa’s casting is pitch perfect. He’s authoritative and stern but so caring and compassionate at the same time.

In an alternate universe, Mrs. Coulter and Lyra track down the Gobblers would be such a badass plot line.

“We’ll have plenty of time to discuss whenever you wish.” Wow, this line echoes Asriel’s from earlier: “I am sorry, but I just don’t have time for you right now.” But the irony is that they’re both saying nearly the same thing. Mrs. Coulter may say this, but she absolutely doesn’t mean it.

OH, the complexities here!! The monkey noticing that Lyra shoves the alethiometer deeper into her pocket, Pan noticing the monkey growling, and then Mrs. Coulter looking up. Such quick but charged moments.

What a magnificent first episode. I’m already hooked.

[certifiedceraunophile]

More Salty asks 👀

18, 21, 5, 4, 3, 7, 10.

ty <3

So sorry it took me so long to answer anon but here's the salt you've asked for

18. Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?

God no, wtf kind of logic is that, you can or not do something, as in shipping, or stanning or being an anti, for literally ANY reason including no reason, I repeat, you dont need a single fucking reason, much less a "valid" one, there is literally nothing called a valid reason when it comes to fandom bc all reasons are valid at the end of the day, since it's ffs JUST fiction. If you dont ship/stan something popular good for you, hang out w your rare pairs and fall in love w your minor characters, you want to write terrible fucking incoherent anti-metas about a character that's very popular, go ahead DO IT, literally nothing should stop you, it is not problematic to HATE an objectively good character w absolutely no reason, it's not problematic to LOVE a scumbag character for the shallowest reason, it's not problematic to condone evil acts done by your fav character and praise them and love them for it, it is not problematic to want a character killed simply bc they mildly grate you, it is not problematic to do or feel anything about a character as long as your aware that this character or ship cannot be removed from their fictional world and you are simply judging a fictional object who's actions and principles are bound to the fictional world they exist in and cannot in any way affect the real world beyond the value of entertainment.

--also completely tangential side note but if anybody thinks the depravities or deplorable actions explored in a fictional work can in anyway enable real life people who have consumed such media, to do and/or consider the same, I would politely suggest you to restrain from projecting your grossly malleable mind that's clearly more impressionable the wet stinking cement on to others, bc believe it or not most of us have this innate ability to not only separate fiction from reality, but also pick and choose what media we consume is allowed to influence us in addition to entertaining us--

But back to the point, my answer to that question is no, you are not biased, you are not in denial, you simply choose not to invest your time and energy and mindspace into this one fictional being or couple and that is just about the most valid thing as any.

21.What are your thoughts on crack ships?

absolutely love them, I really wish there are more absolutely WILD ships that have no logical reasoning behind them to exist in the fandoms I am part of.

5.Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?*

Nope. although it has made a ship I was already mildly averse to even more worse in my eyes, but I dont think that counts.

4.Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

Yep and it's a LIST, let's see Steroline, Bamon, Klayley, Klamille, Marbekah, I HATE KOLVINA.

And yeah that's about it, don't get me wrong I dont like many ships and need to click off ff if they are a part of it as a side pairing, but these are the ones I loathe w a passion bc one half of the ship is a character I absolutely LOVE and the other half is just the GREATEST disservice done to said characters,

For steroline- I wish stefan was never fished out from the bottom of that lake.

Bamon- Damon can get his dick skinned.

Klayley- Klaus is a fucking cockroach I agree. but Hayley good god is not helping the situation at all. Same for Klamille.

Marbekah-it's incest yall first of all, and second Rebekah deserves a man who fucking chooses her EVERYTIME and not just once when it's convenient for him.

Kolvina: I-I-do I even need to elaborate?? THE DISSERVICE DONE TO KOL. Christ. I am sorry but this ship I truly hate w a passion too strong for me to even bother playing it cool.

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

Nope. But I do block that specific tag/content so that when they post about the specific topic we disagree on I am not able to see it, CURATE YOUR FANDOM EXPERIENCE ALWAYS THANKS, and also having shitty shipping opinions is the last thing you can do to get me fired up and stop talking to you, my bff is both a steroline shipper and a Kolvina shipper, but she's my ride or die, like fandom opinions and thoughts on a fictional character amount to literally NOTHING in real life, and I really hope people understand that, but also at the same time in tumblr specifically, if a blog you follow posts anti-posts about your fav character or something like that absolutely unfollow them if you are not comfortable seeing it? following them to engage in fandom discourse is not something I personally would ever do, but as long both the parties involved are interested in discourse i see no harm, but if youre not willing to engage or even see such content ma'am wtf is it even doing on your dash UNFOLLOW and block the tag please.

[already answered the next q so I'm copy pasting it here]

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

oh lmao I wouldnt have been able to understand this question yesterday, but like today I was again hunting scenes for gifs, and I found that Marcel actually holds no appeal to me, in fact, If Elijah decided to slap his head off, I wouldnt have minded at all. Also I was a forwood shipper at the time but now I look at them and have this inexplicable urge to scratch something.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Redemption arcs, jfc I HATE THEM, mostly bc my ability to perceive villains shuttles between two distinct opposites, "They are depraved, and evil and everything wrong in this world and I LOVE THEM." or "They are depraved and evil and everything wrong in the world and I HATE THEM" there is literally no in between, so in the first case I love them precisely because they are the scourge of the earth, and a redemption arc [not that I've ever seen one done even mildly ok-ish for the characters to actually redeem them] will literally work to unfuck their fuckiness that I absolutely ADORE. So no I do not want redemption arcs for them at all, and on the flip side when I hate an evil character the only redemption I will accept is them being of good use to the maggots that feast on their dead rotten corpse.

This is the ask

[da-millerrrrr]

I posted 3,407 times in 2022

That's 3,388 more posts than 2021!

934 posts created (27%)

2,473 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sc4tterbr41n3d

@sexygaywizard

@thanksgiving-is-the-middle-child

@loganofthenorth

@heliianth

I tagged 1,087 of my posts in 2022

#mav says stupid shit - 63 posts

#mav's fave cool art tag - 54 posts

#ghosty boy :) - 30 posts

#garcello - 15 posts

#the skrunklies - 12 posts

#me tag - 11 posts

#the beast roars - 11 posts

#save for later - 11 posts

#mav reblogs - 10 posts

#mcsm - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#louie got fucking pissed one time and was about to shout at huey but all that came out was a quack because he turned into a literal duck

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i spelled bryces last name wrong,, its hansen not hensen,,,

DEAR BRYCE HANSEN,,

WE'VE BEEN WAY TOO OUT OF TOUCH-

(pspspsps @strangestormcloud)

38 notes - Posted August 27, 2022

#4

Connor: *Is acting and speaking like a 7 year old, cheerful boy*

Evan: Shut up

Connor: *cries*

Evan: No I'm sorry don't cry D:

44 notes - Posted August 17, 2022

#3

PLS- WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOREVER FOR THE TWO TO INTERACT AND THE FIRST THING EDRIC SAYS TO HUNTER IS "have u ever sneezed in ur mask"

HUNTER DIDNT EVEN HESITATE- "yes."

"that's gross dude" WTF EDRIC- YOU ASKED-

71 notes - Posted June 7, 2022

#2

as much as i adore this interview article, i gotta admit that Eddie looks like he just said he'd kiss Steve goodnight and Steve is judging him thoroughly because he's in denial that'd he would also kiss Eddie goodnight

91 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

so we all know that berdly describes himself as a knight in glow in the dark armor right?

Glow in the dark armor.

The word knight is highlighted yellow

Light and dark are common themes in Deltarune (obvi)

He describes himself as a knight SEVERAL times, and is commonly seen trying to play the part of one, with his obsession with trying to "save" Noelle, trying to make the Fun Gang seem all evil (mainly when Noelle is with them), and sucking up to QUEEN (something something knights and queens,, knights and royalty,,)

536 notes - Posted December 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[dorovahkiin]

SnK Chapter 130: My personal thoughts (SPOILERS)

This chapter was wild - and not surprising at the same time 👀.

- As expected, Annie would break down when finding out about Odiha plan and her father's possible death. It was nice seeing this desperate, emotional side of her since she barely shows it

- Snk-polls' judgement "Annie becoming human" is trash. Annie has been human before

- Annie says she wants to leave, but I'm sure she won't, would be a waste of character after being gone for so long. I think she is either gonna change her mind or (more probable) someone is gonna convince her to stay

- Seems like we won't get Annie vs. Mikasa fight

- Now let's switch to Eren POV. I don't even know where to start... I understood it as almost all (future) flashbacks in this chapter happened when Eren kissed Historia's hand

- All the memories on page 6 are very significant. I think Grisha looking wtf on page 6 is pretty much the moment of the final panel. Dude has the same hair and shirt

- Page 7 could be a tumblr post alone... Eren implies he all wanted this, which is really important to keep in mind!

- Almost all memories on page 7 are future memories in S3 Eren's POV. I don't know how Eren saw Falco. However, I want to focus on the tiny Bertholdt panel on the right which seems to be a past memory:

- It's Bert from Dina's POV as she ignores him to enter Shiganshina immediately (Chapter 96). Why the heck does Eren see this memory?

- There is the theory Eren controlled Dina to ignore Bert and to head directly to his house to kill Carla. To trigger his motivation and the whole plot ("I wanted this all"). By that, it would be a future memory again because he'd manipulate it in the future

- I believe this is absolutely possible. Eren forced Grisha to kill innocent children after all. And even if he loves his mom, I think he is definitely capable of killing her if it serves his grand goal. I wouldn't be surprised if he also manipulated more events

- Imo the story would already be great without this plot twist (if it's true), but if people need it to understand Eren's character I support the theory

- Eren's toxic understanding of freedom is the most important thing to him. He cares about his friends, yes, but freedom is more important. That's why I think he mainly does the rumbling for his philosophy, not for his friends ("I wanted all this")

- This whole chapter was about Eren dehumanising which supports the last point. Calling his enemies "animals" was a peak (No, it was NOT a mistranslation)

- The last pages of kid Eren wanting to destroy titans and adult Eren wanting to destroy the "animals" was a nice parallel which also supports Eren dehumanising. Is dehumanising the right word after all? He was like this all along, "born this way" 🤔

- Since he first claimed to sympathise with his enemies and now calling them animals, I wouldn't be surprised if he'll change his mind about his friends and Eldians either. It would be wtf af if he wanted to eventually kill them either in order to end the cycle of hatred (because Eldians still fight each other). That would be a total peak of Eren dehumanising and I would love that plot twist. Just a wild guess

- Now let's turn to the Hisu flashbacks. I made a whole post about that alone. To summarise it:

- Imo the arrangement of Hisu flashbacks are not in the right chronological order, they are also interrupted by other flashbacks

- I think the last Hisu flashback of the chapter (which fitted perfectly to the Zeke scene THEME-WISE) is chronologically the first moment of the EH scene. So it would be like:

1) Well Eren, what do you think about me having a baby? (follow up of 107 when Kiyomi presented the 50 years plan)

2) This leads to the 50 years plan and MPs talk between Eren and Historia

3) Eren says he doesn't like it and tells her his alternative plan and it stops at Hisu's reaction after "You're the worst"

- This makes much more sense imo, Hisu wouldn't suggest a baby right after this manipulating line of Eren (Yes, I think it's disgusting manipulation, he twisted her words she said back in the cave scene) she first has to emotionally collect herself before proposing something like that out of nowhere

- E + H = Y is still the biggest bs this fandom has ever produced imo

- Hisu is obviously manipulated by Eren, it reminds me of Ymir being manipulated by the first King and her environment. Hisu not exposing Eren's genocide plan has the same reason why Ymir never rebelled against her trash husband, although it destroyed her. This kind of manipulation happens a lot in real life too

- Yes, I still think Historia is against genocide. And I believe she HAS a good heart, she is NOT an evil bitch. Her official stats say Altruism 10/10 after all

- However, even if Eren manipulated her, he still cares for her (though his freedom philosophy is more important again)

- We learn this when love Guru Zeke tells him Mikasa's protectiveness is the result of love, not nonexistent Ackerbond (112 You fcking liar Eren!) and Eren thinks about Historia while Zeke talks about Mikasa

- He notices he is also protective of Historia and might like her in whatever way (He didn't notice before, Zeke just made it clear to him, so another reason why Eren is not the father, especially not in a romantic way)

- Adding the baby flashback during Zeke talk about protecting was perfect theme-wise because Eren wants to protect Historia especially FROM getting pregnant by force as he stated it many times before

- Eren says he has only 4 more years to live, implying he is not interested in a relationship or family. This is another big point why Eren is not the father and I already mentioned that point in November

- Everyone says this chapter confirmed Eren is the hooded figure, but for me it was the confirmation he was not. I don't understand how people constantly miss those points:

- Eren's jacket is FULLY inked, the HF's jacket is not. It's a completely different jacket

- Why would Eren hood himself in the first place at Hisu's farm? He's been there many times before, was never hooded, nor is he hooded in 130

- Furthermore they are outside where everyone can spot them and Eren was not even hooded. It doesn't make fcking sense!

- People literally call me "high" for this take and of course I might be wrong but yes, I still think the hodded figure is Levi

- Yes, I also still believe in fake pregnancy and the hooded figure scene plays a huge part in that. I made a super long post about it in November

- Even if I am wrong and Farmer-kun is the dad (it's definitely NOT Eren), it won't play any importance in the story, the "who's the father" shit distract people too much from the real relevant questions regarding the plot

- Character of this month: Eren and him being more obvious about his true nature

- My rating: 10/10

- Predictions for next chapter: Alliance again, full talking chapter, maybe also a POV switch to Zeke, Floch, Annie's dad or even Historia if we're lucky

- I know a lot of people will hate me for my thoughts on 130, but I'm fine with that

[godblessthecactusess]

hola - welcome to another reaction post

Agents of SHIELD - s7ep11: Brand New Day (WARNING – SPOILERS (obviously))

-          So straight off the bat, reading the tagline, looks fun - “(in order to win against Sibyl/Nathaniel) they’ll have to get creative, and maybe even a little out of this world.” Intriguing. Looks like we could be in for some fun stuff this episode, but I’m really wondering how we’re going to turn this all around in just three episodes (counting the finale as two), so I’m guessing there’s gonna be a big thing to happen that’s gonna end it all. Like, someone’s gonna die, I’m just gonna say it, it’s gotta happen?

-          Also, because I can’t restrain myself, I have been on Tumblr and Twitter today, and I haven’t actively stopped to read what I’ve seen, but because I am rubbish at avoiding it, I have figured out that we’ve got some flashbacks this episode, which appear to have Fitz in them??? I bloody hope so gosh.

-          Right, I’m gonna start it. Deep breaths.

-          Recap, okay.

-          RIP Jiaying.

-          Deke is so oblivious but I still love him and wish that Daisy and Deke had been a thing.

-          Daisy’s been crying nooo

-          So they lost the Zephyr. (And what’s left of the Fitzsimmons fam)

-          They went to space??

-          Daisy’s gonna fight this bitch. (I know I’ve seen it already in clips but still).

-          I’m discovering it’s really hard  to type and pay attention.

-          “I wanna be an agent of SHIELD” 1. I mean, that’s the show but 2. She says with the face of “but like actually don’t trust me look at my evil grin mwhahahaha”

-          Space woowww

-          How do all these randos know how to fly the Zephyr??

-          Did Deke just make a Die Hard reference? (rhetorical, yes he did); I mean I haven’t seen the entirety of Die Hard, but I watched bits last Christmas and I’ve also watched enough B99.

-          …Motherfucker. (again actually something I learned from B99, not Die Hard)

-          Aw Mackelena babysitting

-          Proof?

-          Oh so the team’s finally learning what we learned about time in Endgame.

-          “A Brand New Day” got it

-          Bro I was gonna say that (about it’s basically Project Insight) but he said it better cos he’s Coulson and he’s cooler.

-          “My sister” look at these two

-          Ha lies I bet she’s fucking lying

-          “Sibyl said” the new version of Simon Says

-          Hold up did she just give her the keys?

-          DON’T MAKE ME WATCH THIS AGAIN

-          IT’S A FITZSIMMONS BEST BITS

-          And I’m going to cry

-          DON’T hit my BABY

-          Elizabeth’s eyebrows are to die for

-          WHAT DID THEY DO TO DEKE NO

-          Where’s she going huh

-          Look Sousa put suspenders on

-          Are they his battle suspenders

-          Cos that’s the cutest thing ever

-          I love him

-          “I ALREADY HAVE A SISTER TO SAVE HER NAME IS JEMMA SIMMONS” OMG

-          Science Daisy

-          So she’s really never flown a quinjet huh

-          “It’s your last chance to stay behind” *assertively puts on seatbelt”

-          That moment when you don’t know if it’s a cut to the next scene or Mack’s caught them

-          No wait he’s got his shotgun axe. Bitch ready to go yes.

-          Oh wait he’s telling her off.

-          No he’s agreeing.

-          Omg yes Mack

-          Where does all that water go – I’m assuming there’s a drainage system?

-          So they left Mum and Dad behind rip

-          Is Kora just in the background reading a book.

-          Protective Nana Jemma

-          Nate you never cared about ‘your old man’.

-          Sousa just leaves his seat

       It’s a nice parallel to Goose in Captain Marvel

-          They have an auto-grav setting? But like, the quinjet isn’t made for space.

-          Daisy, ever the optimistic.

-          Mmmmmmspace

-          Oooof pulling the Bahrain card.

-          If May hadn’t done it, she wouldn���t have had a cool backstory, so put that in your pipe and smoke it Kora

-          Mmmmmcreepy messages through a virus in 1980s aesthetic. What a…. well… aesthetic.

-          Sassy Coulson back at it again.

-          I mean you are a fucking robot can’t you just plug yourself in or some shit; I’M NOT VERY SCIENCY OKAY

-          Oh great another “last mission” convo

-          Sounds like you will.

-          Thanks I’m crying

-          Oh wait he doesn’t remember the kiss I forgot that, shit.

-          Can’t just break a fucking window Nate, you’re gonna have to pay for that. Like literally with your own money, please and thanks, I don’t think the team brought any money with them.

-          Ooh love a good Coulson talk.

-          Honestly where would the team be without May? Dead, I think.

-          Burnt toast.

-          Did she just say Grant Ward.

-          Yes she did.

-          Ward would have been worse without Garrett? Uh I think not, not if someone had just called Child Services, and gotten him some fucking therapy.

-          “What are your intentions with Daisy?” Dad Mack coming through, “no funny business” and all that.

-          “I don’t have any intentions.” WHAT A LIE DANIEL HAHAHAHAHA YOU CRADLED HER HEAD ON YOUR LAP WHEN SHE WAS INJURED, YOU CARRIED HER BRIDAL STYLE OUT OF THAT BARN, YOU WERE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEAVE THIS WHOLE MESS, BUT LOOKED RIGHT AT A SLEEPING, RECOVERING DAISY AND SAID “IM RIGHT WHERE I NEED TO BE”, YOU SAT AND NAPPED IN A CHAIR BY HER BEDSIDE THE ENTIRE TIME, YOU DIDN’T SAY NO WHEN SHE KISSED YOU, SO EXCUSE ME MISTER “NO INTENTIONS” BUT I THINK YOU MIGHT BE WRONG

-          “Well then you better get some” omg we stan mack even though his voice is so deep I often miss what he says

-          “omg shes like so into you gurl” is basically what I just heard. (picture 2000s american teenage girl, phone pressed to ear, chewing gum really loudly etc.)

-          “sir” HES SO POLITE

-          I’m loving this chat and its so true, every single one of them would massacre Sousa if he hurt Daisy.

-          “just like a damn comic book” ahaha haha…. ha. yep.

-          But I do love a good comic book joke in the show.

-          Wasn’t it in like s4, and Coulson said something about Daisy being Director and she was like “ha yeah maybe in the comic book version”? idk man im rewatching SHIELD because I have the worst memory but that was funny too

-          These two’s eyebrows in this scene god.

-          Honestly if you get the chance to rewatch this scene just watch Mack and Sousa’s eyebrows as they turn to look at each other it’s adorable.

-          Alright Sousa no need to be so mean I think it’s a great name.

-          These two giggling together omg the one things I didn’t know I needed.

-          19th century definitely was.

-          FINALLY SOME NEW FITZ AT LAST

-          “can you give us a moment” “yes” “…..oh”

-          What are you suggesting fitz my darling

-          …sooooooooooo….

-          Some time to have a kid maybe.. idk… grow old together…

-          What bloodwork? Did I miss a thing?

-          Snuggling Fitzsimmons ahhhhh

-          I didn’t think Kora would be so sad omg. Now I feel bad for her shit it wasn’t meant to be this way, I-

-          Fitz looks so different omg

-          Omg Fitz grabbing onto her and hugging im soft omg what a beautiful trope

-          WHO’S FITZ WTF OMG NO FUCK SHIT CRAP AHHHHHHHH

-          A kickass fight scene nice

-          Uh oh

-          Nice one May

-          “Sunshine” what an asshole

-          They’re gonna decimate everything wtf

-          Wasn’t there all those ships in the trailer

-          “quake”

-          Look at these cuties

-          Thanos could turn you to dust too.

-          SORRY too soon

-          Uhhhhhhhhhh what the fuck is happening

-          They’re just wiping out shield

-          Rip the Triskelion

-          DON’T YOU TOUCH HER LIKE THAT oh look now I’m being protective wtf is happening to me

-          Urgh absolutely disgusting

-          Well shit

  Uhhhhhhh so this is problematic. I mean, by all accounts, they could just leave this timeline and go back to the OG one. I mean, there’s a canon timeline where Steve learns early that Bucky is alive, Loki has the Tesseract and Steve just told a elevator full of Hydra agents “Hail Hydra” (so a highly chaotic timeline, that the avengers just left) so they could just leave but like, that’s unethical, i guess???? Oh well.

  Let’s go have a look at the new trailer for the FINALE!! ARGH omg its all ending and I’m sad

  WELL im going to cry aren’t I? ffs

Daisy’s accepting that this is their last mission.

“This is what we were fighting for.” Which issss….? 

It really is the end, huh.

The finale will make me cry. There’s not many SHIELD episodes that have made me do that. I think the one that made me cry the most was the spy’s goodbye. And I seem to remember crying when Fitzsimmons were at the bottom of the ocean,  and then laughing through my sobs bc the shot of Fury coming down from the helicopter, arm outstretched like Jesus was the most hilarious thing I had ever seen; but other than that? Not many. 

I’m excited and terrified at the same time. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. HELP.

[reasonandempathy]

This name was a mistake.  

Venting under the cut.

For those of you who don’t know (and why would you? I haven’t mentioned this in a while and i’m just someone on tumblr), this name was picked in a line of thought similar to The Doctor, from Doctor Who.  It’s a descriptor, sure, but more importantly it’s a promise to hold to, and mine was “I am going to try to use my head and heart to see what is out there.”

Recently, it’s been me trying to wrap my head around “queerplatonic”.  It’s not friendship, but literally everything I come across still fits squarely within my framework of what a friendship could be.  But my response  shouldn’t be/no longer is “you’re wrong, wtf man”, but it’s been, for about a week now, a matter of “why are they so convinced that friendship can’t be this thing that they describe?”

Long story short, I’m working on it.  And even while I disagree with assertions about it, people aren’t inherently wrong for disagreeing with me.

The issue comes with the...lazy and the dumb.  Not empathetic at the moment, but sue me.  Intellectual disagreements mean I’m not being reasonable, and differences in principle are failures to be empathetic.  Or both.

Honestly, they’re likely to think it’s both.  It’s so consistently frustrating, especially on topics that don’t change or evolve.  Abortion rights?  Cruel and evil baby-killer, because I recognize there are conflicting principles at play, and also because I think there will eventually be a technological fix to that dilemma which makes me a...woman hater?  Apparently.

It’s just, actually, stupid.  And I could keep going on.  Civil War.  State’s Rights.  Electoral College.  Capitalism.  Environmentalism.  Police Abuse.  

The name is generic enough that idiots have pushed the words to mean “well, I am clearly both of those things, so if we disagree you’re neither”.

I mean, just in the simple instance of holy fuck, numbnuts.  One is for intellectual processing and the other is emotional processing.  I remember when I was called unreasonable because I said “we can realize that parents of kids killed in school shootings are naturally going to develop hard-line anti-gun stances.”

That milquetoast observation of “parents who literally lost their kids today are probably not in a good headspace and we can give them leeway to be angry at people even if we disagree with their suggestions” sticks in my craw years later.

How do some people look at a father who lost his kid because someone decided to shoot up a kindergarten, sees the rightful and deserved fury and pain, and then immediately demand cold, detached logic?  This isn’t some politician, some dispassionate, disconnected academic studying the topic 140 years later.  This is a guy who lost his child before they could even walk to school on their own.  Before they were a tween.  Who lost their child in what we can only presume is fear, pain, and gut-wrenching terror less than 24 hours ago.*

But clearly the Logickal™ thing to do in that case is to demand pitch-perfect, detailed, 14-page specific policy proposals in a press conference from a man who’s main thing he wanted to say is “Can’t we just fucking stop this?”

Because his child died.

I’m not a father.  I want to be one, so wholly, so completely.  But even just now, fully realizing that I have no earthly, practical comprehension of what it will be like to actually hold that baby in my arms, and i can already tell you that if something happ...something hap...

I’d break.

And the right thing to do when you’re some insignificant, pathetic wretched waste of a human being on such a grandiose and important place like Tumblr.com is to spread Alex Jones conspiracy theories and be an actual decrepit waste of existence?

That’s what people think is Rational ™ and Reasonable ™?

Fucking wrong name, man.  114% wrong.