#literally found this out from a tiktok of all things and I am so ashamed of myself lmao

[what-gs-watching]

This week on...

Ok gang. Here we go, I'm gonna start this thing in earnest.

I’m G. I'm a grown ass woman. With a house, and a dog and a husband, and a (difficult) job.

But I fucking love content. TV shows, movies, a good spotify playlist. Maybe my emotions are broken, but for the past few years, content has been the best way to feel something other than the everyday minutiae. And maybe we can thank COVID for a lot of that.

Because yo, once we went on lockdown, I just started binging. Basically, everything. While my husband was off doing his own thing (tiktok, amiright) I was watching literally EVERYTHING. And I wanted to talk about it.

So I started doing a thing. I'd rush into whatever room my husband was in and start talking at him about what I was streaming at the time. Spewing out these ridiculously terrible synopses of episodes with intricate plots, trying to boil it down so he could follow whatever it was I was ranting about because I had to express why the show was gnawing at me or making me feel shit. And most of the time he'd stare at me blankly and then chuckle.

Eventually I decided to start my rant by announcing "THIS WEEK, ON WHAT G'S WATCHING - " and bless his soul, he'd mostly tolerate my diatribes. (Around this time I was watching Fringe, and he'd know I was coming because he'd hear me scream "PREVIOUSLY ON FRINGE" about 45 minutes prior.)

At some point, I started doing it at my sister as well - this poor woman has two small babies all up in her house and I'd just be texting her about WTF was going on with my show, always announcing "this week, on what g's watching..." and every time she'd simply send back "unsubscribe."

So clearly, I hadn't found my audience. But honestly y'all, I think it's funny. And it's a way to get all of this, whatever this is, out. So I've decided maybe the best course of action is to just scream it into this dark and endless void. Maybe internet strangers will appreciate it. And maybe not. Either way, my sister will appreciate being removed from the mailing list.

All that to say: this week on what g's watching - Good Omens.

On repeat.

Am I literally in the middle of my third rewatch of the entire thing in only like, 2 weeks time? Yes. Should I be ashamed of that? Probably.

But fuck it. Season two punched me in the face and the butt and the heart and I went down a fucking rabbit hole. It may or may not be how I ended up on Tumblr (I guess I thought I was a grown ass woman). It may or may not be eating me alive.

Liking completely inappropriate memes? Check. Stumbled into some fanfiction? That's neither here nor there. Reading long-winded posts about whether it was Aziraphale's fault or Crowley's fault, wherein everyone has their own tinfoil-hat theory? Oh yeah. I'm in deep, folks.

I'm not gonna lie, it usually doesn't get this bad. I watched the entirety of Supernatural (all the while yelling "why are they so obsessed with each other? I don't understand why I'm still watching this!" through FIFTEEN goddamn seasons) and even still, I didn't get pulled in like this. And that fandom is so crazy.

At the time I finished Supernatural, I thought it'd be my comfort show, and I restarted it. But, just kidding.

Good Omens has taken over literally everything.

So to the actual point. A ridiculous synopsis of season 2 because I can't get it out of my goddamn brain:

A sweet looking, chubby tow-headed (kind of former? retired?) angel that owns a bookshop wherein no books are ever sold, Aziraphale, and his gorgeous, hip-swiveling (retired? disgraced?) demon companion (friend? best friend? partner?) Crowley stalk around their London neighborhood hiding a dick-faced archangel who can't remember why he is such a dick-face, from both heaven and hell, while meddling in the love lives of other shop owners and talking PAST each other about what the eff is ACTUALLY going on, and ALSO flashing back to 6,000 years worth of their own ridiculously adorable and infuriating interactions.

It's a fucking love story, kids. In the worst and most beautiful ways possible. And I just. can't.

And so. I guess, here we are? This may or may not turn into anything. But for now. Shouting into the void…

[clydezo]

Hey bitch! Just to let you know, no I do not check Ur shit but when you put ALL MY FUCKING SOCIALS on blast for being a proshipper (which I'm not I'm a comshipper which is complex ships like immortal x mortal for example CLENNY) I get death threats and rape threats and those threats tell me about your new staw.page!!! I am literally having to make a whole new Roblox account, tiktok account just so you will leave me the fuck alone. This has been going on for OVER a year. So just pack it in. Idgaf about you honestly and I hope U go kys. Ur boyfriend will leave you like Ur Kenny did!! (This is on anon purely so U cannot find my new socials, freak.) I have not checked anything to do w U at all. But when I randomly got told I'm going to get raped and murdered because "clydezo exposed you for being a proshipper on his DNI" I'm obviously going to go check it out. So yeah! I'm having to make new socials on EVERYTHING because U can't leave me alone. Ur honestly obsessed. Also do U have any proof of me being a proshipper? And about the blue flower it's to match my gfs self inserts orange flower. Nothing to do with you. I would appreciate if U left me n my gf alone and also tell Ur bf to not stalk our accounts? If U don't reply to this I'll just know Ur ashamed and embarrassed of being such a narcissist bitch! Anyways bye!

I mean, cool! I don’t have to see anything anymore. The threats aren’t cool and I guess I should’ve thought about that, I’ve been silent for months while you had your side of the story up and I haven’t gotten anything from anyone somehow.

You made posts about shipping Gojo x Yuji btw, and the coffin of Andy and LeyLey stuff. A little odd even if it’s coping, I don’t know how my boyfriend found your accounts but I’m not going to ask because I did not tell him “GO, GO, GO, find out what you can about them and report back to me!”

I’m sorry about the threats, you can make new accounts but I’m keeping up my dni even if people can’t find you anymore. It’s a DNI for a reason.

I don’t have any proof as I haven’t screenshotted that stuff but I saw it. Your twitter also simply popped up on those following things, I’m not going to say it as I don’t think anyone knows your user on there. I don’t know the people who read the straw.page and went back to you, but I guess they’re fucked up for saying that shit I see that in proshippers comments a lot.

No, I’m not embarrassed at all. I think it would be better if you got off completely but as long as I don’t see you, I can think you did and you don’t exist.

Personally I would leave my partner out of it as well, I saw her in my profile views before and that’s how I found out her account and blocked it.

[connordavidscamera]

Moon | Connor Brashier

College (B)Romance extra!!

A/n: I just found out that you can buy an acre of the moon for only $30, and this immediately gave me this idea because I always say that Connor hung my sun, my moon, and all my stars.

Summary: Connor gives you a present for your six month anniversary. (College (B)Romance series extra!!)

Warnings: an overload of fluff, connor is so in love with the reader, alludes to smut

Word count: 3k

***

“Well don’t you look all done up?” Shawn says from the doorway as I fix the collar of my white button up. Y/n has said many times that she likes me in white. And for this being our six month anniversary, I wanna bring out all the stops. 

“Shut up, Mendes,” I grumble. 

“So, six months,” he says, plopping down on my bed. “What’s the plan? Whatcha doing for her?”

“None of your business.”

“Oh, come on. What’s got you so bent out of shape.”

“Like you said. It’s six months. I don’t want to mess anything up.”

Shawn shrugs, “I mean, if she hasn’t gotten tired of you yet, I don’t think she’s gonna dump you today.”

I roll my eyes, “Okay, I wasn’t thinking she would but now I am. So, on that note. Get out of here,” I point toward the door.

He just laughs and pushes himself up, “So touchy. Have fun on your date. Tell y/n she looks pretty for me,” he says as he stalks out of the room.

I can’t help but roll my eyes again. Tonight has to be perfect. I look over myself one last time, running my fingers through my hair to give it that styled but messy look. She likes that too. She compliments it every time I wear it like this. Just enough product for it to stay in place, but not enough that it’s not gonna move if she tries to tug on it later - or play with the bottom of it in the car.

God, I love when she does that. But it’s dangerous, because her hands in my hair make my eyes flutter shut and if I’m driving, most times I have to grab her hand and keep hold of it in her lap. But it’s okay, because when I do that she always smiles and plays with my ring. The ring that is currently safe in a tiny box in the glove compartment of my car. 

I smile at the thought of her wearing it on a chain around her neck. The thought of her wearing it every day, it makes me almost giddy. I told her once that since she loves it so much I would get it resized for her, but she absolutely refused. 

“No! No way!”

“Why not, angel?”

She blushed. She always does that when I call her angel. Which is why I’ll never call her anything else. “Because.”

“Because why? Why can’t I get it resized? You love it!”

“But,” she sighs, “I love it because it’s yours. If you get it resized to fit me then… well then it’ll technically be mine.”

“Why’s that so bad?”

“Because then I don’t get to play with it on your hand anymore. Like let’s say you gave it to me on a necklace or something - at least then, if it was something I was craving, I could slip it back on your finger and twirl it around for a little while.”

I sighed then. “Angel, if I give that ring to you, I don’t ever want you to take it off.”

She rolled her eyes at me. “It would never be for long. Just long enough for me to get my fix. Then it’d go right back.”

I pushed her hair out of her face and kissed the tip of her nose which only resulted in her scrunching it up. “Promise?”

She nodded, looking up at me. “Promise, bub.” 

“Hey, you heading out?” Brain asks coming into our room as I spritz myself with a bit of her favorite cologne.

“Yeah, picking up y/n.”

“Big date. Y’all have fun. I’m staying at my girl’s tonight, so you’ll have the room to yourself if you need it.”

I nod, “Good to know.” I grab the large envelope from my nightstand, along with my phone. “Okay,” I whisper to myself. “Got everything. I’m out.”

“Have fun!” Brian calls out. “Tell y/n she looks pretty for me!”

I groan.

---

I smile wide when she opens the door. “Wow,” I say. “You just get prettier and prettier as the days go on, huh?”

She blushes, “Oh my god! Stop it!”

I reach out for her hand and pull her toward me so I can plant a soft kiss on her lips. “Happy six months,” I mumble against her lips. 

“Happy six months,” she hums, kissing me once more.

“You ready?”

She nods with a wide smile.

“Then let’s go,” I offer her my arm which she gladly takes. 

“You look good, Brashier. Are you wearing the white button up for my benefit?” she muse as I open her car door.

I smirk, “I don’t know. Are you wearing red for mine?”

She shrugs, “I might be.”

I hum and lean in to kiss her again before she ducks inside the car. When I back out of the parking lot, her hand immediately goes for my hair, like it always does. I don't even try to hide the low whimper that escapes the back of my throat. "Angel, we've talked about this."

"I know, but bub, your hair looks so pretty. And it feels so nice. How can I not play with it?"

"You are gonna get us in an accident before I even give you your presents."

She gasps and takes her hand away, "hey, no! We did not agree on presents. We said present. As in one."

I shrug, "No, we set a spending limit. Which I didn't go over. I promise."

She crosses her arms, glaring at me with a dramatic pout. 

"What?" I chuckle. "What's that look for?"

"I only got you one thing."

"So? I have you, what more do I need?"

That causes her pout to dissipate and she shakes her head, looking out the window. "You smooth motherfucker."

I laugh, whole heartedly, and reach for her hand when I'm done. We sit in comfortable silence the rest of the ride, while I steal a few kisses at the red lights. Because I mean, come on. I love kissing those lips. 

Despite our attire - you could say we were pretty dressed up, her in that pretty red dress, me in my white button up and slacks (that I rarely ever wear) - we go to the diner for dinner. It was her idea. She had told me that she wanted to do this thing she’d seen on tiktok, where you get all dressed up but go do super mundane things. Go get fast food, go to the grocery store, get ice cream, whatever. I loved the idea. It gave me the excuse to see her all done up - which I love, almost as much as I love seeing her everyday look. (But let’s be real, I just love her and I don’t care what she’s wearing.)

I help her out of the car and once again her hand is in my hair, but only for a second. “Got a little messy up top there,” she says, immediately reaching for my hand, locking our fingers together. 

I look over her face and smile softly to myself. 

“What’s that look for, bub?”

I shake my head, and with my free hand I reach up to caress her cheek. “Have I told you just how pretty you are?”

“Tonight? Yes, you have.”

“Well, I’m telling you again.”

“Thank you. You look pretty too.”

“Oh I do, do I?”

“Mhm, my pretty boy.”

I know I’m blushing when she says it, but I can’t bring myself to care. “Come on, angel. Let’s go eat.”

I pull into a deserted field on the edge of town and y/n looks over at my with a raised eyebrow. “Is this where you kill me? If you wanted to get rid of me, you could have just broken - wait no. Death will hurt less.”

I roll my eyes, “I did not bring you here to kill you. Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Well what do you expect? You’ve left me alone with Shawn and Brian way too many times - they’re the most dramatic people I know.”

I nod, “No, okay. You’re right.”

“No, but seriously. What are we doing out in the middle of nowhere, Brash?”

“We... are star gazing.”

She perks up, “Hey, I’ve always wanted to do that with someone.”

I smirk, “I know.” I slip out of the car and run over to her side to open her door. “Don’t worry,” I say when she shivers at the cold air that hits her as she gets out of the car. “I have blankets. And your favorite sweater.”

She smiles, watching as I open the door to the backseat, pulling out two blankets and the thunder road sweater. “You just thought of everything, didn’t you?” She asks, slipping her arms into the sleeves. 

I shrug, “I wanted tonight to be perfect,” I mumble and close the door. I melt when I see her in the sweater. It doesn’t matter how many times she’s worn it - or any of my clothes, really - she will forever be the most beautiful girl in the world to me. “God,” I shake my head. 

“What?”

“I literally do have the world’s most beautiful girlfriend.”

She rolls her eyes at me, “You keep saying that. What? Are you trying to get lucky tonight?”

“What if I am? Is it working?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know. It might be.”

I lean forward for (possibly) my hundredth kiss of the night. “Good to know.” I move around her to lay out one of the blankets on the hood of my car. Once it’s down I motion for her to get on first and then I effortlessly slide in next to her, taking the other blanket and draping it over our legs. I pull her into my chest and rest my head on top of hers. 

Before we got out, I had turned my music up just loud enough that we could hear it with the windows rolled down. When You and Me comes on, she looks up at me with a big grin.

“What?” I ask, amused. 

“You’re aware this is our song now, right?”

I chuckle. “I am, yes.”

“Dance with me?” She asks with her perfect pout and big puppy dog eyes. And I can say this and not be ashamed, but when she does that, I’m weak. I can’t deny her. Not this. Not anything. Ever.

“Of course, angel.” I slip off the hood of my car, taking her with me. In an instant, I have her against my chest, one arm around her waist, the other holding her hand, while her free hand plays with my hair. I hum when she scratches that one specific spot, which only causes her to giggle. She knows what she’s doing - she may be my angel, but she’s a little devilish when she wants to be. 

The song plays through the speakers as we dance freely in the shining light of my headlights. I sing softly to her against her hairline when she rests her head against my shoulder. 

“Everything she does is beautiful, well everything she does is right,” I press a tender kiss to her forehead. 

“Cause it’s you and me,” she sings back, quietly. “And all of the people with nothing to do.” 

I smile to myself and spin her around. She squeals because she wasn’t expecting it and laughs into my chest when I bring her back as the song starts to close. When it does, I dip her, holding her hips firmly, to keep her in my grasp. She’s still holding onto the back of my neck, staring up at me. 

“Connor,” she says, breathlessly when I pull her back up. 

“Y/n.”

She swallows thickly and looks down. I just watch her. The wheels are turning in her head, I can see it. But when she looks back up at me, her eyes are soft, her whole face is open and radiant and - 

“I love you.”

And I think I’m dreaming. 

I laugh. Not at her. Just the absurdity of the situation. I’m dancing in the headlights of my car, while my girlfriend looks up at me with those fathomless eyes, in my sweatshirt, on our six month anniversary, and she’s telling me that she loves me. The girl I love is telling me that she loves me too and I - I genuinely do think I’m dreaming right now.

I shake my head and cradle her face, resting my forehead against hers. “God, I love you too. I am so in love with you.” I whisper, moving my head so I can kiss her once, twice, three times. 

She relaxes against me. “Oh god, you scared me for a second there. You weren’t saying anything.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumble, stroking her jaw. “I was trying to convince myself this was real.” I kiss her once more. “Hold on. I want to give you your presents.”

“What? Bub.”

“You’ll love them, I promise.” I nod and let go of her. I quickly round the car to get to the passenger side. I open the glove compartment and pull out the ring and envelope before coming back to her. 

She raises an eyebrow at me when she catches sight of the ring box. “Hey, I know I just told you I loved you. But this is way too soon to get married.”

I laugh and take her hand. “No. I’m not proposing.”

She nods, “Okay, good. Because it would be really awkward to say no.”

I roll my eyes and hand her the box. “Not an engagement ring. Open it.” 

“Okay,” she nods and pops the lid open and gasps. “Bub!”

I smile as she pulls the ring and chain out. “You like it?”

She pushes out her bottom lip, “You put your ring on a chain for me.”

“I did. That way, technically, it’s still mine. But it’s yours now too. But,” I point at her sternly. “It is only coming off if you're putting it on my finger to get your fix, okay?”

She nods quickly. “Yes. Yes, I promise. Will you put it on me?”

“Of course, turn around.” I take the necklace from her and gently clasp it around her neck, reaching around to pull it down so it rests just below her collar bones. 

She turns back to face me, her hand already reaching up to play with the ring. “It’s perfect. Literally the best gift ever. Thank you.”

“Well, it’s not the only thing. I still have one more.”

“What could be better than this though?”

I shake my head, “Well, I wasn’t expecting such a positive reaction to that one. So I’m excited and nervous to see how you react to this one.”

“Why wouldn’t I be excited for this one?”

“Well, no I just mean, I didn’t expect you to be this excited. But I love it.”

“I love you.”

I blush, and I mean I blush red. “I love you.” Then I clear my throat and hold out the envelope for her. “Okay, so this other gift.”

“Yes,” she says, toying with the opening flap. 

“It’s probably really cheesy. The guys are definitely gonna give me shit for it if they ever find out what it is.”

She gasps, “Oh god! It has to be the best thing ever then!”

“Open it first, before you decide.”

She nods and pulls the sheet of paper out. Her brows furrow as she inspects it. “What is this?”

“Okay, so… you know how sometimes you tell me that I hung your galaxy? And how the guys always say you look at me like I hung the moon for you?”

“I did not know the guys said that, but yes. I do know that I say it.”

“Well,” I take the paper from her. “I bought an acre of the moon.”

“You bought the moon?” she asks, incredulous. 

“No!” I laugh. “Not the whole thing. I bought an acre. For you.”

“But - I,” she pouts up at me with these big teary eyes. “Bub. You literally hung part of the moon for me. Like you own part of the moon.”

“It’s our little sliver of it. I just - when I found out you could do that, I literally couldn’t wait. I bought that acre and it has been killing me not to tell you.”

She shakes her head in disbelief. “I cannot believe this. You bought me the moon!”

“Not the,” I got to argue, but stop because I can’t say no when she’s looking at me like that.  “Yes,” I nod once with a big smile. “Yes, angel. I bought you the moon. And I’ll buy you as many stars as I can. And the second I find out you can buy part of the sun, I’m buying you that too.”

I don’t expect it, but she surges up and wraps her arms and legs around me. I stumble back just a little and chuckle into her neck, holding her tight. “I love you so much, oh my god.” She mumbles, pressing kisses all over my face. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

I sigh contently, holding her tighter, closer. “I love you, angel. So, so much.”

---

She blinks slowly at me as I lay back next to her, after discarding the warm washcloth I used to clean her up. I push back her matted hair. “How you feeling, my love?” I ask quietly.

She grins sleepily and takes hold of my wrist, kissing my palm. “I’m so good.”

“Yeah?” I chuckle. “You a little sleepy there?”

“Mhm,” her eyes flutter. “But I wanna look at you a little longer.”

I kiss her forehead tenderly. “Go to sleep, angel. I’ll still be here in the morning.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” 

“Kisses?” she murmurs, puckering her lips, her eyes already shut.

I smile softly to myself and lean forward, pressing three kisses to her lips. 

She hums in content and moves until she’s laying her head right over my heart, her favorite place to lay, she’s told me. And as I trace my finger up and down her spine, she falls asleep to the steady rhythm of my heart that beats just for her. 

***

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Frat!Con: @mymanshawn @madison-malfoy @queenmendes

[mythichang]

➠ pairing . . . george weasley x reader

➠ genre . . . fluff!!! pining on both parts, pretty short but i think it was a lot of sweetness 😣😣 they ARE students!!! same grade and all that jazz

➠ warnings . . . nothing really!! although they doooo talk about butts but,,, you’ll seee,,,,,

➠ word count . . . 1.8k

➠ authors note . . . this is super duper late and was requested by anon so looooong ago!! i did fall out of the fandom for a bit because tiktok sort of made me realize that a lot of people were on the wrong side of my many situations, but hp will always be in my heart so here i am!!! i hope you all enjoy!!! talk to me about this imagine!! give me scenarios or ask this george and yn from this universe a question!!

➠ masterlist

george was being quite adorable on that particular monday afternoon

you had taken your usual seat, a two-seater splat in the middle of the class

you hadn’t even noticed that the red head fumbled into class, excited to sit besides you as you were too engrossed in your book

it was another thriller, one that made your skin crawl but in the most satisfying way

george got to his seat besides you, a smile on his face as he watched you bite on your lip the tiniest of bit in concentration

he plopped down beside you, head tilted to watch your concentrated face

although he wasn’t as confident as his twin brother, he always watched from afar, eyes full of puppy love

and by afar, he meant right beside you— because that’s where he always was— right beside you

befriending you hadn’t been the easiest of tasks, your quietness not being filling enough for any other person

but he admired the way you didn’t have to yell at the top of your lungs about your excitement

or the way you could sit with anyone in silence and make them feel more comfortable than words could ever manage

really, he was sprung on yOu and only YoU

it wasn’t a surprise to anyone really

not with those longing looks and the way the boy follows you around like a lost puppy

a lost cute puppy albeit

you didn’t mind either

he was an incredibly sweet boy and managed to help you out a lot in different instances

like the way he helps you find the right words to speak to someone whenever you’re stuck

or helping decipher exactly what others are feeling, since you had the smallest of trouble doing a mundane thing

he helps in all of the classes you two have together and is often found getting you to pull away from your little bubble

it’s a great bubble, you love the bubble, it’s always been YOUR bubble but you didn’t mind stepping out of it for the red head boy with the mischievous twin brother

“did you get a chance to study for OWLs?” the boy pulls you out of trance

you look up, a small smile blossoming upon your face at the sight of your favorite boys face

“i did, you?” you ask faintly, gently putting your book back into the small bag that helped you carry all of your books thought out the day

“not a chance.”

“im guessing you want my notes?” you turn in your seat, arm perched up on the desk as you leaned your head up on the palm of your hand

“hmm, i think i would greatly appreciate it.”

“oh, you think?” you laugh softly at his words, same bright smile on your face

you could feel your mood immediately spike as you spoke to him

he was so incredibly comforting and kind, something that you couldn’t find often at hogwarts with rivalries blooming left to right

“i'm not saying i would decline if you offered them up.”

“who’s offering them?” you feign a look of innocence as you exaggeratedly look around the classroom and back at him. “i don’t see anyone doing that.”

“it’s you. you’re offering them up.” he softly pokes the side of your stomach, making you squirm in your seat.

“ask nicely and i might consider handing them over.” you click your tongue and tap your wrist as if signaling that his time was almost up.

“y/n, may i kindly take a look at your notes so that i don’t totally bomb the OWLs?”

“i think i need a little more begging.”

“you suck”

—

it wasn’t as if you wanted to be staring at him

he was just there— standing there so gloriously beside his twin brother

it was no doubt that the weasley twins were popular around hogwarts

you weren't sure if it was their likability or the parties they seemed to make a thousand times more fun

whatever it was, they ravished in it, not that you cared either, even if it did get you into too many uncomfy situations

seeing george oh-so happy among the crowd of wizards was oh-so gratifying

he smiled so bright that his pearly whites shone throughout wherever he was

now was one of the moments, except you weren’t anywhere special— just another day of sitting across the room from one another in herbology

professor sprout had separated the two of you in hopes that you wouldn’t mess or speak to one another in class any longer

that didn’t work out great,,, clearly

because now you were dazed

dazed as you watch the boy laugh and work with his brother

you weren’t quite sure what was going on between them but you knew you looked like one of those ridiculous people in those ridiculous romantic movies

where the main character is staring at the boy they find so attractive— hearts floating around their head as they sigh out in happiness as if they were watching their entire world

ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous

but could you blame yourself? was it really your fault or was it george’s for being very cute? for having a laugh and smile that just manages to grasp your entire self?

it was george’s fault you like to think

“what are you doing?” the sudden voice makes you jump in your spot, utensils falling onto the floor with a loud clatter

you look down at the utensils out of embarrassment, not wanting to make any eye contact with anybody

“sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” angela bends down over with you, helping pick up your things

“it’s quite alright,” you mumble softly, not exactly knowing what so say

“i figure you’re into george.” the girl’s sudden words throw you off, your head snapping up to look at the beautiful girl

“w-what? where… um, where’d you get that? it’s nothing but… lies.” you sputter out as quickly as possible— and quite literally too loudly as many others glanced to you and the girl

you could feel your cheeks brighten up even more

a sense of deadly remorse wafts over your already flushed body as angelina gave you an unimpressed look

“alright, calm down, it was just a random conclusion i’ve came up with.”

“that’s a crazy hypothesis!” you continue to sputter out your words as if in disgust of her word

“it wouldn't be that crazy, now, would it?” she laughs gently as the two of you stood up, finally coming up from your crouch on the floor

“he’s just a friend”

“it’s no big deal, i’m definitely into fred. nothing to be ashamed of.”

“yeah, well everyone knows that.” you sigh, fixing up your utilities, angelina helping you with the task

“and no one knows about you and george? only so many can be as, and i mean this in the nicest way possible, oblivious as you two.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” eyebrows scrunched, you turn to her

were you supposed to be offended? you felt as if you should but you didn’t care enough about it any longer

“it means... make a move.” she shrugs from beside you. “i don’t think it’d ruin anything. if anyithing, you two could stop running circles around one another and finally make out.”

“you are a very crude person.”

“masking out is crude to you? bless your soul, no wonder you haven’t noticed him.”

and that was where the conversation stopped, only making your thoughts run 100 mph

what was she saying exactly? was george as into you as you are into him?

it made your brain feel mushy and it was a horrible feeling

one filled with anxiousness, trying to figure out exactly what being a teenager with feelings meant

but it pleasantly relaxed you to know that angelina was going through the same things as a teenager herself

having started hanging out with her and listening to her advice, you began to notice more things about george and the way he was around you

he was a lot more touchy than you ever remembered, and not in an uncomfortable wait either

but what seemed platonic and innocent to you suddenly sent an alarm through out you (again, not a bad one,,,, just a slightly nervous one)

what were you supposed to do???????

you were always told that you were HORRIBLE with emotions and confrontation

confront him about your feelings???? now how were you supposed to deal with both???

you were unnerved to no end and george was quick to catch in as well

“okay, what’s up your butt?” at hearing george’s voice, you jump up slightly

“there’s nothing up my butt.”

“yes there is. you have that look.”

“the ‘there’s-something-up-my-butt’ look?” you scoff lightly, hoping to rid of the conversation with a tiny bit of humor

“exaclty the look. tell me what’s wrong.”

“nothings wrong.” you shrug him off, turning back to your book, one of which you had to read the first sentence repeatedly

you couldn’t even sit beside him any longer without feeling as if you’re about to burst with terrifying feelings and hypothesis, courtesy of angelina

“is someone bullying you?”

“what?” you turn to him in disbelief. “who would bully me?”

“i don’t know,” he mumbles softly not liking the reaction he managed to grab from you. “just... you look... weird.”

“and here i thought this flimsy uniform looked great with my legs.”

“okay sassypants, i’ll let you be.”

you sigh softly at the sight of a defeated look on him

your mother always said, “if something is painful but can be rid of in an instant, rip it off like a bandaid.”

you always thought it was dumb, why would you rip off a bandaid? bandaids were there to make you feel better so it should be working on whatever it’s put on

ridiculous

you’re ridiculous

YOU ARE RIDICULOUS

you knew you needed to stop being such a wussy, it was a bad look on you

that much you could tell at george’s hesitant looks

screw it

“want to go on a date?” it was too late to stop the words from coming out.

george looks over at you, wide eyes

you felt as if time was suddenly going to slow as you awaited his answer

so far,,,? things didn’t look too great for you

but you weren’t going to strike-out immediately, maybe he was too shocked

“you want to go on a date? with me?”

“no, actually, im asking professor snape... yes with you.” your cheeks were flushed red as you refused to look the boy in the eye

“sassypants is coming out again.” the melodious tone of his laughter reaching your ears, making you feel at ease

“i’d love to go on a date with you.” you shut your eyes tight, hands covering your face

“goodness, i felt like i was suffocating.” you mumble, embarrassment continuously coursing through your body

“is that what was up your butt?”

“you really do have a way with words. yes, that’s what was up my butt.”

“hmm, i knew something was wrong. weirdo, you could have asked me so long ago!”

“you could’ve told me too!”

[khaleesiofalicante]

I'm so ready for this chapter

I'm a simple person. I see David, I get automatically happy. I'm a little late cause yesterday I couldn't find the time, but here I am once again:

"The London Institute stood before him, all glorious and redeemed – once again holding a beautiful love story of its own." Its only the beginning and David thinking poetry is my reason to live. ALSO, YESSS LONDON INSTITUTE

Ah yes, Kit running the London Institute is just amazing

"At moments like this, David wished he had magic too. He wished he could protect Max from all the people who tried to hurt him. He had seen the way people had hurt Max’s brother and his father. He would never let that happen to Max." My heart beats in Mavid!!

“Are you two sharing a room?”  “I won’t tell the Consul," And " He didn’t think sharing a room with his son would do him any favours." had me laughing so hard 😂😂

"It was not easy to get accepted into Columbia University, but Rafael had managed since he was one of the smartest people David knew." I'm so proud of my baby!! 🥺🥺

“I bought you some scones.”jseyjwiwjdh 😏

"He was in David’s arms. His face buried in David’s neck." OH MY GOD. I JUST CANT WITH TO MUCH CUTENESS!!

Ok, I won't quote it but the scene where David saw the portraits is just so beautiful like... Ugh I love my Herondales and David so much!!

Okayy, I dont know who this guy is, so I'll keep my mind open

"Because I know you, David wanted to say. I just wish I knew what’s in your heart too." Ysgsksubdn THIS!  Could I possibly love David more than I love him already??

"Of course I do. My Bapa would be personally offended otherwise.” Yup, I can confirm it

"Max often pretended like people’s words didn’t hurt him - just as he pretend that fire doesn’t burn or wounds don’t bleed.

But David knew, just beyond the surface, Max burned and bled like everyone else.

Despite his reputation as a ‘drama queen’ Max never let other people see his pain. He used humour and theatrics to hide it away." I feel this on a personal level

The mundane illnesses around shadowhunters is getting me worried ngl

"Until that, their only hope was Catarina Loss. David hoped someone sent that woman a fruit basket every single day for she went above and beyond to help shadowhunters affected by the mundane illnesses." She is such a Queen. Just. RESPECT

"Jackson Hayward" Mmm, I feel like I should know that name but I dont remember

KITTY CONTENT IS JUST *CHEF KISS*

“I’m not judging,” David smiled as he adjusted Max’s beanie. “You look very cute.” Max,’s cheeks turned purple again. David wondered why. He wondered if it had something to do with him. (David, I love you, but seriously???)

"Of course, the 'fun' mostly entailed Rafael stopping Georgia from drinking random potions she found in the stalls, Selena stopping Lexi from opening a psychic booth to help people talk to Raziel and of course David stopping Max from running to the gambling booths." 😂 I love how Selena, Rafael and David are the responsables and Max, Gigi and Lexi are the chaotic ones

THE GRUPO CHAT 😂😂😂

“Perhaps an unpublished snippet from the Beautiful Cordelia?” and “I do have a correspondence between an Iblis demon and Christopher Lightwood" just got me like: 😮😮

Oh god the necklace!!

"Most importantly, he didn’t want to cover his scar. He didn’t want to hide it. He wasn’t ashamed of it. It wasn’t a mark of a victim. It was the mark of a survivor." I'm so proud of David 💙

“I never wanted to be protected,” David had replied. “I only ever wanted to be loved.” 💙💙 this just hits so much

"Magnus Bane carried so much love inside himself you could literally feel it through him." YEAH, I would like to add this to the book of the two million reasons why I love Magnus Bane

That escalated quickly. Like... Jackson hit Max? And David hit Jackson? What?

“This is what I get for falling for a Lightwood-Bane,” I mean... Honey you knew what you were getting into

“I do love it when the quiet ones go feral," and “David! Is your hand okay?” just describes Magnus and Jace perfectly 😂

“Well, technically they are residents of the institute,” Tiberius pushed back his glasses. “So, as the Head of the insti-” “Babe, no!” Kit shushed his boyfriend. (OH GOD THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL!! 💙)

“It’s alright, Chouchou,” Mr Herondale ran a hand through David’s hair. “Next time, just-” “Use my words?” David asked. “Just don’t get caught,” the man winked. “Jace!” the Consul hissed. “What do you want me to say to him, Alec?” the man demanded. “Be nice? This is David we are talking about! You can’t get nicer than this!” “David, I appreciate you standing up for Max,” the Consul said. “But next time, please try not to punch anyone in the face.” “Yes, sir,” David nodded. “Because it’s wrong.” “Because it means more paperwork for me,” the Consul groaned and then straightened up. “But yes. Absolutely. Very wrong. No punching people!” (I'm sorry, I just had to quote all of it cause I laughed way to hard😂)

I knew that name was familiar!! Oh, god this is a plot twist. Oh my precious boy must be protected at all cost!!! HE DESERVES HAPPINES!

"It made David want to kiss him. But then the Consul spoke, and David reminded himself he didn’t want to be the third person to get punched in the face this evening." David fearing Alec never fails to make me laugh 😂😂

But if he tries to hurt you-” “You will unleash hell?” David chuckled. “Worse,” the other man grinned. “I will unleash Lexi.” It was definitely much worse. (Hell yeah, she is amazing!)

FUCK, now I want to protect Jackson with my whole soul  from the nightmares and everything else🥺🥺

Wow. I feel like I should quote lots of things from all that scene, but its just that it was all so amazing and I wouldn't finish. Like... The story, telling each other their past, talking about therapy. (Kit is right, shadowhunter need therapy!!) They would really be an amazing group

Also, David reading to Jackson was so wholesome 🥺🥺 and the whole scene was deep and beautiful!!

Yess, my boys going to therapy giving priority to their mental health is my sterotonine supply

"Well, I hope it works out well for you,” Jackson grinned. “What is that supposed to mean?” “You know what it means,” Jackson grinned harder. “Also, if that wanker tries to break your heart, I will break his face.” “You know he is the Consul’s son?” David giggled.“I’ve done it once and I will do it again,” Jackson shrugged. “He better treat you right.” “Stop it!” David had blushed and hugged him tighter, saying goodbye once more. (I STAN THIS FRIENDSHIP!!)

"Selena had broken the news that she was enrolling into Scholomance next month.This family was his soul." YESS, SELENA IS A QUEEN

"After the twins went to bed, David stepped out of the institute and went looking for his heart." ajkeyejdodj he is just to pure 🥺🥺

"At first it had felt odd. A little unsteady. And then somewhere along the way, Max’s heartbeat had become the steadiest thing in David’s life. Max, with all his chaos and drama and danger, had become the steadiest thing in David’s life." Thanks, I'm emo 🥺💙💙

"Even if Max loved him…Could Max possibly love him as much David loved the other boy?" MY HEART!!

"His love for Max was endless and impossible. Did Max love him like that? Impossibly?" JDHWJSUDH🥺🥺

“Maxwell Lightwood-Bane,” David whispered. “Love is your birth right.”

"One minute he had been laughing at the portal, his heart full of pride. The next, he was in Max’s arms, kissing the other boy." HOLY SHIT THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL!! ALL OF IT!! AND DAVID FALLING TO THE POND? *LOTS OF CHEF KISSES*

UGH I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH AND I COULD GO EXPLAINING EVERYTHING, BUT IT WOULD MAKE THIS WAY LONGER THAT IT ALREAY IS

Anyway, David is beautiful. I stan Mavid and we love Jackson 💙💙

This was so beautiful. I love how much you and appreciate David 🥺 It makes so emotional send help 😭😭😭😭

Also this is David Tiktok 🤣🤭😎

[misterbitches]

hi @yeedak thank you so m uch for replying with what you did. YAY ADHD!!!!! ur partner sounds like she rocks >:)  as do u

i found it really illuminating and i agree with all of it. and god as much as i understand reticence when black people are interracially dating (it is so hard) i also hate it when people dictate it and also to a degree that it makes it extremely uncomfortable for the person themselves. to me it really is about a sense of control particularly if you are a woman. constantly trying to pick someone’s life partner for them instead of letting them find out if it’s a) something they want or even want to do b) something they can handle and c) their experience. it can purely cultural as well. my mom is a black american but my father is nigerian and that was basically a sin. however my father’s siblings? the women who had to marry extremely quickly and had to be with nigerian men or at the very least african? divorced. because they had to clamor for love for approval, pop out babies, and look what that got them. i totally understand you and  your mother. and you’re right about all of it.

the idea of a man whore is so funny to me too because it’s not about sexual liberation it’s literally about them wanting to use people as disposable which is why sexual liberation for women as well can be confusing. but all of this isn’t so we can develop our own imaginations and find out our own inhibitions. like you said in all of it and i found this part very very interesting and true, “youth is for sex and no mention of asexuality.” when you get older you are not sexual, when you are a child you are unsure about it, but there’s a time in our lives where we shouldn’t waste it, where it’s only acceptable in that window, where it’s dictated. tangentially i think it’s very funny that the people we sleep with also become a point of pride. let’s say if he is a man (as a bisexual~**~ gorl) but he’s ugly, i should be ashamed, too?

so much boxing in and pushing and dictating. they really are here to spread a message. and i know things ar ehard. i can believe people ask you that but it’s still so.....weird? i remember saying something about my sexuality once and it’s not like i knew the people but then they started asking me questions and i honestly felt embarrassed and like an outsider. i dunno.

and your analogy of a mirror was perfect woaaaaaaah that’s what im gonna say now thank you so much credit to you. gENIUS!!! as real life changes, what we see changes. but media doesnt come first.

also totally agree about watching what people consume and not falling into those patterns. and when “bad” things are shown i do not understand why shows are so scared to show them as they are or not romanticize. a real issue to introduce when it comes to age gaps would be why it is frequent in the lgbtq+ community. that is a real thing because when you have to hide yourself of course you can be stuck in a state of arrested development and trying to re-establish times you may never have. that’s a geniuine fear and concern, it’s understandable even if i don’t particularly care for it, but it’s like for these writeres there’s no reason to look deeply or put that into their story. so why are they doing it? and what is the message here? uGH. and what ur mother said makes so much sense we are just constantly absorbing all these messages and culture absolutely aids to it and you’re right about the generations. and sometimes things stop and start but i genuinely think (and know) that for us to continue forward and not have the constant backwards taht means we have to push to get there and demand and that also means we have to make an effort to end the harm we then see on screen. rape culture dictates these shows. it relies on it. it is disgusting but rape culture is the norm, the norm is the oppression so we have to attack it otherwise it sticks and htat’s exactly why we see what we see.

and the unacceptability of gender fluidity is what keeps the genre SO INFLEXIBLE sincerely. it honestly just pulls so heavily from patriarchy and the roles in which we have to follow to uphold that structure. 

it’s really just not enough to show us things any more wihtout taking it into consideration. and like ive mentioned there’s soooooooooo much media that has a lot to say that embeds itself. there’s this thing my friend linked me to on re-examining queerness in korean cinema (much like my dad’s country; patriarchal, more “conservative, anti lgbtq+, reliant on capital. africa is different because of the blackness component but the structures aided by colonialism absolutely remain and continue and that’s how we see such similarities. thse countries are more “overt” in this output but still you know. america. sucks) because we are trying to re-evaluate what it means to be heard and seen. the different ways and sort of the message that a lot of us as lgbtq+ can feel. you know, how we can get a feeling on if a person has our same experience, how we kind of have to learn to identify that. not sure if this makes sense...

your mom sounds really cool. and i’m fucking sorry. so many men do that. i live with both my parents but even then i see this power imbalance i can’t stand and you know i would have believed it was normal if i wasnt able to learn aand had to build up thinking skills. there was one day that it hit me that there are parts of my parents relationship i abhor, that are imbalanced, that make me find my father disgusting and make me ashamed of my mother. i don’t want that to happen to me or my potential children. if i have a male partner for life, which i am sure i will because offffffff heteronormativity and homophobia and being half black american half nigerian, he cannot recreate that. i am optimistic on what people can do without needing such grand structures or the support of the elite etc you know? that’s how we know there’s good work that exists and people we can find that arent with the status quou!!! 

and who want a better world. we have to know we can rally that together. i think part of that is constant demanding of things to do better. there’s a rage against the machine song called settle for nothing and it’s about 0 compromise. there’s a famous quote i dont remember by who that’s basically like there’s an idea that there’s a limit to asking for dignity and what you deserve because when people realize they can live better lives they want to cultivate that more and more but that means a loss of control and a sharing of power from the top. nothing is ever enough if it can be better and we are allowed to demand it (or take it.) we deserve the world, we are being told that we’re asking fo rtoo much. are we? really? 

i was thinking about the children thing as well bc...lmao i was so tightly contorlled as a child and it really messed me up but at the same time, like you, i honestly do not want my children watching drivel. like even with youtube. a friend of mine said that what she thinks she will do is try and hammer home how fantastical these things are, they do not reflect reality, and to get them to understand the spectacle. at the same time i’m like does a child really need to watch these dumb tiktok stars or jake paul? but then im like i really dont want to control them. but like what if ur kid asks u to go to some like fucking BL concert or some shit like what do you say to that?!??! I DONT WANNA SAY NO BUT AT THE SAME TIME UHHHHlmao but at the same time we have to give them tools to analyze and do the right things and follow their hearts

however,

as you know

LOL

tysm for responding, lovely talking to you and hearing your thoughts!!!

oh btw so u r from kashmar? that is very cool......VERY COOL

[abduct-me-helen]

Class 108's Apocalypse Field Trip | Chapter 4.

“So, are we going to talk about it? Or….” Martin asked, looking at Jon with an expression he found he couldn’t decipher. The chatter of class 108 filled the comfortable silence that would usually occupy them on their journey.

“About what?” Jon avoided the question, turning his head back to check on the rest of the class. They’d originally formed two lines, headed by Jon at the front of both and Martin at the back. That had quickly fallen apart, and now they were more of a…blob, if anything.

Martin gave him a look. “I still don’t know how you’re smiting things here! I was about to ask you before we came across the school, but I decided it was best to wait until we calmed down a bit.”

“I-I killed it. I have the power, so I…so I killed it.” Jon turned his head away, facing decidedly frontwards.

“Yeah, but like, how? I’m-I’m sorry, I just don’t understand what actually happened.” Martin gestured, confused and frustrated.

“I-It’s hard to explain. We’re coming upon a domain of the,” he grimaced, memories of dirt and choking and pressure momentarily overtaking him, “buried. I would really rather-”

The sound of knocking cut him off, and the squeak of hinges made everyone silent. Static crackled, and Katie, ever alert, got out her knife just before Rosie silently directed everyone to draw their “weapons.”

Jon didn’t know what a pencil sharpener would do to the distortion, but he didn’t want to find out.

Martin turned, confused at why the quiet had set in. “What-”

“Look down, Martin.”

“Oh.” He paused, startled. “Wait, what?”

“No one get to close!” He called, running his hands through his hair and sighing. “Hello, Helen.”

“Oh, Hello! In a better mood now, are we? Feeling safer now that you know how to kill? And you’ve got a whole gang with you! How exiting.” Her eyes seemed to light up, literally.

“YEET.” Tabitha threw a pencil sharpener at Helen, but her body seemed to twist and absorb it in impossible ways, making Tabitha’s head hurt. She shook it off. “Stay away from us! Begone thot!”

The rest of the class began to recite various vines in agreement.

“GET REKT!” “YOUR MOM’S A HOE!” “WALK AWAYAHAYAHAYHAY”

Martin facepalmed. Jon exhaled, forcing down the urge to scream.

Helen blinked, then her mouth pulled into an impossible grin. “You’ve got quite a crowd here, don’t you Archivist?”

Jon narrowed his eyes. “Touch them, and I will end you.”

Helen laughed and echoing laugh that hurt his ears. “Oh, Archivist. You really have grown! But no, I’m here for a chat. We are friends, aren’t we archivist? Allies?”

He gritted his teeth. “Sure.”

Martin butted in. “Will you tell me how he did it?”

“Martin-” Jon protested.

“He just keeps on being all vague about it.” Martin complained. Helen seemed to light up.

“Oh goodness. You see what you’ve done to the poor boy, Jon? He’s coming to me for answers.” She cackled, and Jon glowered.

“Shut up.” He said.

She giggled. “It is very satisfying though, isn’t it? Teasing the vague information? You can see why Elias got a kick out of it.”

“Elias?” Rosie questioned. “Isn’t that your boss?”

“That’s Eyeball Daddy’s sugar baby.” Tabitha told her. Rosie made an ‘ah’ noise of recognition.

Helen cackled in delight. “That’s what you’re calling him? Oh, I like you.” She grinned, and Tabitha made an awkward face. What was she supposed to do, when she’d somehow won the favor of an eldritch door person?

Take it like a champ, I guess, she thought.

“Don’t.” Martin said protectively.

“Don’t what, love?” Helen asked, batting her eyelashes. (Literally, bats flew out of them).

“Whatever you’re thinking of doing, stay away from them.” Helen pouted as Martin finished.

“But you aren’t any fun.” She said, her mouth curled downward in mock sadness.

“Look-just, just explain. Please.” Martin changed the subject, imploring her to alleviate his confusion. Jon glowered, but stayed decidedly still.

“Well,” she began, sporting a sharp grin, “We’re all here, Martin. The Stranger, the Buried, the Desolation, all of us. But the Eye still rules. All this fear is being performed for its benefit. And so, there are now exactly two roles available in this new world of ours: The Watcher, and the Watched. Subject, and object. Those who are feared, and those who are afraid. And John, well-he is part of the Eye. A very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say, shift its focus. Turn the one into the other. And for those of us whose very existence relies on being feared, well: to be turned into a victim destroys us utterly. And very, very painfully.”

A silence fell over everyone, before Cypress broke it.

“So, what you’re saying is, the clap of his ass cheeks alerted the Eye?” He questioned, ginger curls bobbing as he tilted his head.

“Eyeball Daddy.” Raphi muttered.

Helen sported a look of delight, before cackling once again. She wiped a tear from her eye, and Rosie noted that it was the color of a highlighter. As it fell to the ground, the grass it came in contact with seemed to glow.

“You really are fun!” She declared gleefully. “Archivist, for someone so dour you certainly have lively company. Who are all of you then?” Her head twisted unnaturally in interest.

Elliot instinctively looked to Rosie, and shrugged when he met her eyes. Her own were narrowed in thought, before she shook her head. Helen grinned.

“Oh! A smart one. But no, I’m not a fae and you are, regrettably, protected by our Archivist.” She sighed dramatically.

Jon ran a hand through his hair. “She’s right.” Helen lit up. Really. She glowed.

Tabitha, ever curious, tilted her head. “I’m Tabitha. Are you with the smexy weed?”

“The smexy weed?” Helen asked, unapologetically amused, “whatever do you mean?”

Cal let out a short laugh and Katie rolled her eyes.

“The one that makes you high.” Elliot intoned (un)helpfully.

Martin groaned. “Wh-you know what. I’m just going to leave it.”

Helen was grinning now. “Yes! I’m with the Spiral, or the smexy weed, if you prefer!”

“Dope.” Elliot said, and Rosie raised an eyebrow.

“Wait a second,” Martin spoke, putting his hands up and turning to Jon, “why were you being so cryptid about it anyway? It doesn’t seem very complicated so I don’t know why you were being so coy about-”

“Because I’m ashamed, Martin.” Jon cut him off, sighing and clenching his jaw.

“Ashamed?!”

“Yes! Ashamed of the fact that I just-destroyed the world and have been rewarded for it, the fact that-I can walk safe through all this horror I’ve created like a…fucking tourist, destroying whoever I please. The fact that I…enjoyed it, and…the fact that there are so many others that I want to revenge myself on!”

A pall of silence fell over them.

“Mr. Sims?” Cypress spoke.

Jon sighed. “Yes?”

“You said the fuck word.” Cypress informed him solemnly. The rest of the class nodded.

“That’s what you take from that?!” Jon said exasperatedly.

“Well, I mean, about what you said, I actually think you’re good on that front.” Cypress said hesitantly.

“What?”

“Yeah, I, I, I think we should go for it, get our murder on!” Cal exclaimed. They’d been silent nearly the entire time, naturally a shy person and even quieter when scared. Rosie raised an eyebrow, and Tabitha cheered, slinging an arm over their shoulders.

“Yes Cal! You go!” Tabitha high fived them.

“I agree with that.” Martin spoke, surprising Jon.

“How-what?” Jon said incredulously.

“Yes Martin!” Helen cheered, delighted by this new development.

“Th-this isn’t like it was before! We’re not talking about innocent bystanders in cafes here, John; these things are-th-they’re just evil, plain and simple, and right now they’re torturing and tormenting everyone!  If you want to stop them and have the power to, then-then, then yeah, let’s do it, let’s go full Kill Bill!”

“I-I haven’t seen it.” Jon breathed in surprised.

“Oh, Martin, I am so proud of you. Can I come too?” Helen asked ecstatically.

“No.” All of class 108 intoned.

Helen pouted. “So mean! I take it back, you’re no fun at all.”

“Coming from you, I would think that a good thing.” Rosie pointed out as Sydney nodded her agreement.

Helen sighed dramatically. “Fair, fair. I think I’ll take my leave, now. Don’t be a stranger!”

The creaking of the impossible, yellow door signals her exit, and Tabitha’s eyes widen.

“Guys!” she exclaims, face bright with a new, disastrous idea. Katie groans preemptively. “We should do a Tiktok with her!”

-

Regrettably, Tabitha’s idea was immediately shut down, and they soon continued on their path until Jon came to a stop, gritting his teeth.

“We’re here.”

He’d explained that they’d have to cross through multiple nightmares in order to reach the Panopticon, along with the statements he’d have to give. Though Sydney had wondered, she hadn’t asked if he knew the whereabouts of any of her classmates.

She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.

No, that was a lie. Above anything else, Tabitha needed knowledge like water. She felt incomplete without it, whatever the cost of that knowledge would be. She would rather mourn a death then be ignorant and happy.

“Are you going to…?” Martin prompted, and Jon nodded, sighing.

“You should all leave while I-”

“No.” Rosie and Tabitha intoned at once, looking at each other surprised.

“Why not?” Martin questioned, wondering why anyone would want to have to listen to that.

“I…,” Rosie breathed, “you said this was about the Buried, right?”

“Y-yes.” Jon stammered, taken aback.

She sighed, tightening her side ponytail as a distraction. She often found playing with her hair gave her comfort.

“I-I can’t explain it. It’s not like I’ll sleep any easier without,” she gestured, “this.” She finished lamely.

Jon and Martin had a silent conversation, and though Jon was apprehensive, he sighed and gestured for her to sit down. He then turned to Tabitha, raising his eyebrow.

“What about you?”

“I need to know.” She said. “I-I can’t be in the dark in a world like this. I just-I need to know.”

Martin nodded, still doubtful. He gestured for the rest of the class, who were staring at the two girls like they were insane, to follow him over to (what appeared to be) a tree.

-

“-Better to keep him buried, neatly away.” Jon finished, and Rosie breathed out shakily. Jon looked at her, really looked, and was confused to find that she looked almost sated.

He turned to Tabitha, and she seemed the same, though in a far more familiar way. He couldn’t quite place it, but something was…off.

“Are you both okay?” They nodded at his question, and Rosie helped Tabitha up.

“Yeah, I don’t know, I just…” Tabitha hesitated, “I feel…weird.”

“Weird?” He intoned, raising an eyebrow in concern. “Not scared?”

“No-I mean, yeah, I’m scared, but…” she shook her head. “Never mind, it’s not important. Hey, why is Katie stabbing a tree?”

-

As it turned out, the tree wasn’t as inanimate as they’d thought, and after being chased around for a bit, Martin got separated from the rest of the class. Not too far; he could still see them in the distance, and they appeared to have killed(?) the tree.

Where did Katie get an axe?

He shook his head, trying to clear his mind, when a phone rang out of nowhere. He jumped, surprised.

It was coming from the ground.

He scowled, running his hand through his hair in annoyance, before a clanking noise got his attention from the right. A metal spade just seemed to…appear. Out of nowhere.

“A spade? Really? I mean, isn’t that a little insensitive?” He questioned irritably, sighing to himself.

“Right, so we’re doing this then.”

He began to dig until he reached the phone, yanking it up. He wasn’t surprised to find that there was no landline attaching it to the other caller.

“Hello?” He asked.

“Hello. Is that Martin?”

He cursed inwardly.

“Don’t do that.” He warned.

“Not in the mood for games?” Her voice was decidedly amused.

“You know I’m not.” He told her.

“No fun.”

“Yes, well-look, I’m talking to Annabelle Cane, right?” He said, already knowing the answer to that question.

“You never gave me yours, why should I give you mine?” Martin wondered if she was being this difficult on purpose. Knowing the Web, she probably was.

“Just-what do you want?” He asked tiredly, sighing.

“To help, of course!”

“No. Thank you.” He declined sharply.

“Oh, I think you’ll want to hear this. Marcy Schroeder isn’t dead.”

“W-what?!” He exclaimed.

He didn’t know much about the girl, hadn’t even known her last name before he’d heard Annabelle say it, but he knew enough about what had happened when one of class 108’s first expeditions had wandered into the Web.

“That’s what I said! She’s been kept alive for a reason, though I don’t know what. I suspect it has something to do with the end.”

“Where is she?”

“Now, now, that’s information you’ll have to pay for.”

“With what?”

“Good question. I’ll need to let the situation play out a bit first, and then I’ll know what you can pay me. I’ll keep in touch!”

The line went dead.

“Well, shit.”

-

Rosie was quiet, Tabitha noticed, as she played with her hair languidly, posture tired and face blank with a subtle confusion and scowl. She walked over casually, trying to surprising her from behind, then frowned when Rosie didn’t react.

Tabitha tilted her head, then sat on the log beside her.

“You okay?” She asked, concern blindingly evident in her voice. Rosie didn’t respond.

They sat in a comfortable silence, looking out at the green tinted world in front of them. The watchful eye of the Panopticon looked back, and Tabitha gave it a challenging glare.

“Did I ever tell you about the sinkhole?” Rosie broke the quiet, not even glancing beside her.

“No, I don’t think you did.” Tabitha replied, and was silently disgusted with her own burning hunger for the information Rosie must have been referencing.

Rosie finally turned to Tabitha, chocolatey eyes dull. “When I was in middle school-it must have been fifth or sixth grade-I was caught in a sinkhole. I was buried for two days, under the earth. The Doctor’s didn’t know how I survived, but I did.”

Tabitha’s eyes were wide as Rosie continued her tale.

“The earth…moved. And not in the normal ways. It was unnatural. It tried to choke me, but I didn’t fight back. I just, let it. And I wasn’t afraid. I was,” she spoke sourly, “comforted, by the pressure. It felt like a hug, except, an important one. The earth was hugging me, Tabitha.”

Rosie’s gaze sharpened, and Tabitha’s hunger seemed to increase.

“And I let it. My parents are-were,” she grits, remembering the loss and silently wondering which nightmare they were trapped in, “amazing to me. But they weren’t tactile people by any stretch. And the earth…it was everywhere. And I think I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in the hospital. A ‘medical marvel,’ that’s what the doctors said at least.

“I’ve never told anyone before, but you of all people I feel like I can tell things. You just,” she gestured absently, “have that feel about you.”

“Are you vibe checking me?” Tabitha joked, trying to ease the tension. Rosie smiled gratefully.

“I suppose I am.” Rosie responded, before growing solemn again. “I think…well, you can figure that out.” She looked to Tabitha, willing her to fill in the blanks.

“You think it was the Buried.” Tabitha reasoned, thinking to herself.

Rosie didn’t need to say anything; they both knew that what happened wasn’t possible by any other explanation.

“…we need to come up with a name for it.” Tabitha spoke to herself, and Rosie raised an eyebrow.

“I may not have been scared of being buried alive, but hearing those words terrifies me.” Rosie deadpanned.

“Aw, Ro, I’m flattered. You say the nicest things.” Tabitha cooed, and they both laughed quietly.

-

“…I have an idea.”

“Oh no.”

“The Great Bondage, the Choking Kink-”

“Okay, I’ve heard enough.”

“Hey! Don’t leave me here! What about the buddy system-”

-

[hornedandhornypandan]

Vent/Rant post about Witchtok idk

Tw: CSA/Grooming mention

((TLDR: Witchtok seemed fun at first but pretty soon showed a very ugly side of itself that puts kids in danger. Meanwhile 'experienced' witches are out there are putting dangerous misinformation about religious practices. +Also a personal rant about how this whole thing has put me off from talking about my own practices with Pan.))

I've been a somewhat active "tiktoker" for a few months. I only really posted videos of my artwork and whatnot to sort of gain some traction and sell commissions, which was great! I met a lot of really cool people, and made some really sweet friends within the small community of artists on tiktok... And then I found the Witchtok tag.

At first I was uniquely excited, it was really cool to see other witches actively show off how proud they were of their craft and their religious practices. I saw lots of pretty good advice, and for me at least, it was absolutely wonderful to see how different and unique each person experienced their craft. I feel stupid now in hindsight for thinking this, but I genuinely felt something with how fun and welcoming Witchtok seemed to be.

And then all of sudden it became a fucking train wreck. There are lots of things wrong with Witchtok: Cultural appropriation, online harassment, misinformation, people throwing around hexing accusations with no proof, etc etc. A lot of really dumb shit. At first I was able to ignore it, because surely people will be smart enough to do their own research and not trust some random person on tiktok about entire religions, right? And then I realized how dumb I was for thinking that. There are people on Witchtok touting themselves as being experienced witches who are experts in everything spiritual, and beginning practitioners are going to naturally look up to them as positions of authority to consult on matters that they might not even be in the position to be consultants of. So many of these people are actual children too, and its become a very scary situation with how out of control it has become. I think the breaking point for me was the issues surrounding that,,, "Medusa" tiktoker who began trying to groom minors for illicit photos. I just couldn't do it anymore with Witchtok, that was too much. It already hurt a lot to see so many experienced witches actively condemn and shame children for not knowing better, but that entire thing just proved to me that too many people within the Witchtok community DO NOT CARE about protecting or educating each other. They all just want to one up each other in this imaginary game of who's the most correct, meanwhile AN ONLINE CULT WAS LITERALLY BEGINNING TO FORM, I'M JUST,, AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.

There's so much to unpack, especially from my perspective as a Hellenic Pagan who's worshiping Pan. I'm going to get quite personal but it's been on my mind and I need to share it for my own sake. Up until recent events, I was beginning to consider participating in the Witchtok community because I really do enjoy sharing things about my path, especially my relationship with Pan. I love sharing the things that I learn, and I want to record all of it as I go, so that one day I can look back and see how far I've come in my journey. My time with Pan has not only helped me grow spiritually, but my overall outlook on the world around me has changed for the better. To illustrate better what I mean by this, I am a CSA survivor, and for most of my life, sex fulfilment and healthy love were things I fundamentally believed I didn't deserve. By the time I approached adulthood, I had already accepted that I would never be able to enjoy sex or feel the kind of love I wanted. Pan at this point has obviously proven me wrong. He helped work through my trauma, he taught me that sex can not only be safe but exciting, and he showed me that my body isn't something to be ashamed of. Needless to say, my relationship with a deity heavily associated with sex and fertility is OBVIOUSLY intimate.

So it really fucking hurts when I see my fellow pagan peers tell me that my relationship with Pan isn't real, and that my practices based on tradition that I spent MONTHS researching before I started is just me being a 'stupid baby witch.' Or worse when people tell me that I should FEAR my God, my God who has done nothing but treat me with kindness and love throughout my entire time with him. Or even worse, when people who think that because they read up on a little mythology, they can tell me my God is a r*pist, and that I'm wrong for having a close and friendly bond with him. It's almost laughable how so much of what Witchtok considers to be "the right way to worship deities" is exactly what Pan would've hated if I behaved the way they deem to be correct.

Pan would HATE it if I was never friendly and comfortable around him. He is known for having a unique sense of humor, why wouldn't his followers be able to do the same? Obviously there are boundaries, but any deity including Pan will set up said boundaries when necessary. He loves when his followers are silly and playful! He loves when we explore ourselves in ways that are happy and healthy, whether spiritually, sexually, or physically! He loves when we let ourselves loosen up and forget about our chains, even for just a moment! If I talked at all about my practices with him I can guarantee Witchtok would eat me alive. To be honest, I wouldn't put it past them if the collective opinion of Witchtok was that he's dead because it says so in myth.

In retrospect, I'm very glad I chose to stay away from Witchtok, not only would I not be welcome, but children are watching. I feel like not enough people are thinking of that, and that's terrifying. I can't imagine how guilty I'd feel if I put something out there that was misinformed, or even DANGEROUS, and kids were seeing it. I just couldn't bear it. As an artist I'll continue to post videos on tiktok exclusively about my art, but I can't in good conscience post anything there regarding my religious practices. Which honestly saddens me, so much of my practice involves me drawing and painting works involving what Pan looks like to me, and I would've loved to show off that artwork had it not been for the absolute shit show I've been exposed to.

So in conclusion, Witchtok is fuckin yikes man.

[delightfulstarlightparadise]

Imagine Reader/Katsuki Bakugo

It has been a long time since I last watched or read BNHA but I have found myself really wanting to write some of these because of tiktok. So, please, forgive me if I take some stuff out of the anime context. Also, there has been a long time since I last wrote something in English. Forgive me if I make some mistakes.

Context: You are a new student in class, your quirk is regenerating (just like Deadpool) underneath the school chlothes you always wear a special long sleaved shirt with turtleneck that fully covers your body, because it is full of scars from the regeneration.

Your personality is a defiant one.

From enemies to lovers kind of fic

Everyone is wondering where did you come from in the middle of a semester, but you can't reveal this secret. You have been keeping it to yourself and everytime people try to approach you, you make up an excuse to quickly leave.

Until this day, in which your P.E. class demands you to go through a very dangerous obstacle course. Everyone has done it and you are the last one. Nobody has ever seen your quirk in action so everybody is anxious to see how you go. Bakugo pretends not to be interested, but he watches you out of the corner of his eyes.

Aizawa approaches you and tells you not to disappoint him. You nod and go ahead. Nobody can barely see your movements, you are too fast for any of the obstacles to hit you, even the big logs that hit most of the students. "So fast!" you can hear Denki saying while you hop from obstacle to obstacle. That is how you learned to be, because using your quirk is just a last resource to you, once it always leaves you scars.

In the las obstacle you notice that you miscalculated and a log is going to hit you right in the chest. You hear everybody screaming as you hug the log and let it take you with its balance. You can feel your insides crush and spit some blood on top of it.

Iida and Midorya try to hush to help you but Aisawa stops them from doing it. It seems like he knows your quirk (of course, he is the teacher... or is there something else to it?)

Even Bakugo is now watching deeply impressed as you hop on top of the log and backflips from it to the finish line. Your uniform is kind of wrecked but your blouse is intact, so is your chest. "Wooooooow!!!!" You hear them screaming as you wipe the blood from your mouth. Momo, Mina, Sero and Denki run towards you, excited to hear how the hell did you do that, Midoriya comes through the middle of them telling you that you NEED to tell him about your quirk, he has a notebook in hands. The others are clapping. Except for Bakugo, he has crossed his arms over his chest and has a repressed angry look.

"What's up with that? That was not impressive at all."

"Ahn... you tied in time, bro" Kirishima answers.

You hear a big explosion, and somebody screaming "WHAT THE FUCK?!", everyone around you is pushed down to the sides and now the only view you have are those raging red eyes amongst the smoke coming towards you.

"I WANT A REMATCH, NOW!" He screams with a finger pointed right to your face.

You feel kind of impelled to accept, he is looking at you, chin up, as if he is better then you. Who the hell is this boy?

Actually the way he always acts like he is better then everyone else has already caught your attention in these recent days. You see how awfully he treats his friends, he is always so loud and curses all the time. Yeah, you definately don't like this guy.

You are about to say yes, but you feel Aizawa's cold look at you. Damn it!

"I am not interested." You answer, hitting his finger with a smack.

Bad choice. You can feel the heat coming from him increase as he seems ready to jump on top of you and blow you out of existence.

"BROOOO, calm down" Kirishima comes between you. "Aizawa is not diggin' it, bro."

Bakugo stares at you as if he is going to sunddely jump over Kirishima's head and kill you with his bare hands(he probably could, you can feel it), but you stare back at him and even show your teeth a little. He gets kind of impressed with it, but gets back to his angry expression. He turns to the side and goes away stomping his feet and almost literally exploding with rage.

"Hey, ahn... y/n... that was really amazing! Don't mind him, this is his way to show he was impressed" says Kirishima with the most friendly smile, before going after him.

"Kaachan is really that way you will get used to him." Midoriya says. You can feel he is ashamed.

"Who does that motherfucker thinks he is?" You say as the others around gasp.

"You don't let him hear you say that." Denki says in the thinniest voice.

You leave, also stomping your feet, that boy made you angry. Everybody stares, as they did not expect you to react like that.

...

A few days go by. Every time yours and Katsuki Bakugo's sight cross people can hear both of you growl.

You have been competing in every single activity you face: from who gets better grades to who arrives first for lunch.

There are romours going on about your quirk around the school. Some say you might have invincibility, others, that you have some sort of superspeed. No one is right. You are as misterious as when you arrived, but now people know that you really hate Bakugo. And he hates you back.

"I didn't think he could hate someone as much as he hates you." Kirishima says to Midoriya as they watch you and Bakugo have a desagreement on who arrived first at the vending machine.

"What? Kaachan doesn't hate me... was that how it looked like when he was picking on me?"

"That what it WOULD look like if you fought back." Tsuyu answers.

"Listen here, you brat, I was already choosing my drink, you can't just come and put your money ahead of me!" You say as you punch the vending machine.

"What did you just call me?! Anyways, you were TOO SLOW, I wouldn't wait." He smirks at you, pressing the number of the last Coke in the machine.

"This Coke is mine!" You answer, infuriated.

"There is some Pepsi, still."

"Son of a..."

You lean towards him to take the Coke from his hands. All of a sundden the can bursts and the drink spills all over your face as Bakugo laughs.

"Ok, it is all yours." He says, cleaning his hand in your already sticky uniform.

"Ok, that is it!" You say, and jump onto him, punching his face as you both fall on the floor.

"OH SHIT!" You hear someone scream as you punch Bakugo as hard as you can, alternating hands.

You hear people coming towards you, but you don't see them arrive, as Bakugo explodes you from off of him. You fly to the other side of the common room, falling on a table that breaks with the impact.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, ASSHOLE" you hear him screaming from the other side of the room.

You smell burnt meat. It is you, he hit you right on the chest, your shirt is ruined (if you are a female or wear a binder, it is not burned, don't worry, no tiddies out). There is a huge burn that goes from your chest to your chin. You stand up cracking your wrist and putting yourself in a fight pose.

"That is it, you fucker." you hear everyone gasp when they see the burnt slowly desappearing under a brand new skin layer. "You're dead."

You pick up a foot from the broken table and run towards Bakugou, he makes two explosions agressively on you, but you don't care. Half of your face and your hips get burned in a deep flesh wound and are quickly healed by your quirk. You hit him hard in the face with the wood. He bumps into the wall and falls sitten.

"What the fuck?!" He exclaims, watching you finish your healing process.

You are about to hit him once again, and he is about to explode you one more time, but nothing comes out of his hand and you feel the piece of wood being taken away from your hands.

"Ooooh, shit..." you hear the others saying and see them stepping away.

Aizawa is standing behind you, his eyes are furiously shaking and he is holding your piece of wood. You probably woke him up, as he is in full pijamas.

"Oh shit." You say slowly stepping away.

...

Being responsible for washing everyone's P.E. uniforms and cleaning the room for a whole month didn't sound like too much of a punishment for breaking the common room and almost killing a colleague. But... you had to do it with HIM.

"Are you gonna sweep or what?" You complain when you see he is barely doing something to clean the classroom.

"You are the one used to using a piece of wood" he says leaning against a desk you had just put in position.

"You will see where I am gonna put this piece of wood if you don't help" you answer putting the broom over your head in a threatening way.

"Let's see how many times I need to blow you up before you die!" He answers opening his hands wide besides his hips.

You are ready to start a fight when you remember Aizawa talking to you: "you should not be so fast in disappointing the last family you have." You put the broom down and sigh.

"Quitter." Bakugou says, leaning against the desk once more and putting his hands in his pockets.

"Aizawa is my uncle, you know." You say, getting back to swapping. "This is why I got to come to the academy in the half semester."

You notice he is shaken by the news, but he plays it cool.

"Why are you telling me that?" he says.

"Cause this is the only reason I don't beat your motherfucking ass." you answer.

"Ha, as if." he says smiling in a maniac way. "It took me 200 explosions to beat the shit out of Kirishima. Your quirk is similar to his in a certain way, there must be a limit. Of explosions you can take."

"I can do a whole lot of damage before my quirk starts to wear off." You answer, putting the broom aside. "But I tend to doge attacks, because..."

You open the shirt of your uniform, making Bakugo step back surprized, even more so when you open the zipper of your special suit. Bakugo's face turns from a bright red to a pale white as he lays eyes on your body full of scars. You have all kinds of them, big, small, one specially big that goes from your hip to the beginning of your neck.

"What the f..." he seems to swallow his mean words. "So... things leave scars on you."

"The more I use my quirk, the bigger is the possibility of leaving scars."

"I bet you get into lots of fights." he says, opening smile with the side of his lips.

"Those are mostly from the accident when my parents died." you say, head down with a frown.

Bakugo stares at you kind of embarassed, not knowing what to say. He takes a step fowark, slightly reaching to you.

Then, you start to laugh.

"I'm kidding, dumbass!!!" You say, bending foward, cleaning tears from your eyes. "Yeah, I get into a lot of fights."

"You... you..." Bakugou is startled, but also angry. He doesn't know how to react.

"You should see your face! You were totally soft over me."

"I WAS NOT SOFT!"

"You were totally soft!"

Bakugou threatens you with his hands wide open, but you keep laughing at him.

That is when the door opens.

You and Bakugo turn to see professor Mic, absolutely atonished. At first you both think he has gotten you about to start a fight, but then you realize, what it actually looks like. Your shirt is open, Bakugou's hands are aiming at your chest.

You both scream. Professor Mic also screams.

Part two here:

[ditzyforlornn-reverie]

The 5 W’s and 1 H: Quarantine Edition

It feels like it was just yesterday when I last drank Boba tea with my classmates in front of our college building but at the same time, their presence feels so long ago. I don’t even understand why I miss the polluted air I breath every time I ride the buses. I can still hear the tease I got when my friends found out that I made a TikTok account and today it seems like people’s lives revolve around it. I am still confused if March feels like yesterday, or decades ago.

No one saw this coming so we came onto this battle unprepared with zero expectations. But one thing’s for sure, we all did not expect how long this pandemic is. Everyone’s lives are affected may it be positive or negative. From financial, social, and mental, there are literally no escape from this hell hole.

Now, with everything that has happened and may or may not still be happening, I have my own takeaways, the 5 W’s and 1 H.

WHAT

What good things have I done throughout the pandemic?

Surprisingly, as a person who hates being productive, I have done a lot during this pandemic. I have created donation drive(s) for students in need and another one for the victims of the recent typhoons.

#BaryaMoAralKo was the name of my donation drive and when I look back onto it, I feel like this is the biggest project I have ever done that would always makes me feel proud about myself. I have helped students who did not have devices to be used for online learning and I have helped send food packs for the victims of typhoons.

Besides being so proud about it, it also feeling humbling to just have all these privileges I have as a person and not struggle at all like the people I have helped.

What does stress look like?

Online learning sucks. 3 words to describe everything a university student is experiencing nowadays. It is truly difficult to face all these workloads without a proper support system.

Let’s all be honest; we all have a few professors that clearly do not have the sensitivity and consideration for their students. The workload they give us is too much to handle. Everything is draining and they do not even care.

Facing this pandemic alongside with our personal problems, having this unbelievable workload in school to face every day is just too much for a young adult.

Plus my heart goes to all the family members who are experiencing more domestic abuse.

WHERE

Where have I been for the last months?

Besides being at home, my mom and I go grocery shopping almost every other week. That still depends if she has work to do at home during Sundays.

Back when I was a younger, I hated going grocery shopping for the fact that I hate following my mom around the grocery store and getting bored but recently, it is one of the days I look forward to the most every week. I get to go out and breathe through polluted air produced by jeepneys along the highway, I get to see other people’s faces, I get to smell other scents other than my dog’s, and to be honest my most favorite part about going out, I have a reason to dress up.

 Where should I put my energy?

Exercise, television, meditation, entertaining yourself, being unproductive, just basically anything. At these times, you should not pressure yourself into being productive. We are all struggling and you shouldn’t be overstretched about not being able to do anything during quarantine. It is okay, you are okay, just breathe.

It is also feels amazing to pour out your energy to the people you love. There is nothing more amazing to see your loved ones smiling.

 WHEN

When was the last time I took care of myself?

It is true that this pandemic stresses the hell out of us but always look back to the things you have been taking advantage of when you were too busy in the real world.

I honestly felt healthier with my mental health throughout this pandemic for the reason of being able to just be in my own little bubble most of the time and not worrying about trying to fake emotions In front of other people. I was able to spent time with my family, my girlfriend, and even my dogs. If you put it into a word, it is kind of a cleanse as a person. Now, I am talking with my privilege but I am also acknowledging the bad effects of this pandemic in our mental health.

When to ask for help?

Honestly, there are no specific time. Just whenever you are struggling, always seek for it and don’t be ashamed of doing so.

This pandemic brought out true colors from other people. I have seen a lot of people who have been getting irritated at individuals who seek help online and it disgusts me. How can you degrade someone for seeking for help and call them derogatory names just because you are privilege enough to not experience their struggles? My heart goes to all those people who were so brave to break down their walls and pursue for support. They probably hated their selves first after gaining the courage of doing that.

 WHO

Who should I look after?

Besides taking care of yourself, please do look after your family and friends. Family, especially our parents which we do not realize, we haven’t spent quality time with. Sometimes we are too busy growing up that we do not realize that they are getting older too.

Look after your friends. No matter how much positive they were the last time you were with them, check in with them and ask how they are doing. A simple “how have you been?” could go a long way. We need to look after each other’s mental health and be the support system that we struggle to have during these times.

Who am I today?

What makes this pandemic weird is that it made my mental health worst but at the same time, it kind of helped too. I got some proper rest and self-seeking but at the same time got overwhelmed with the responsibilities in school and as a daughter.

But to be honest, I’ve never felt healthier.

WHY

Why do you need to stay?

No, I am not just talking about staying inside your home. I meant, why do you need to stay here, alive, fighting, and facing your battles? I know you are struggling and that is okay.

Sometimes it feels like the whole world is against you and that is valid but why do you need to keep fighting? Do it for yourself.  Stay and find the reason that may never make sense but find it.

You are brave, strong, and worthy of everything good in the world. You matter.

Why should I appreciate the little things?

I absolutely miss the sound of loud horns along the highway, the smell of public bathrooms, the frustration I feel whenever it rains and I forgot my umbrella, the satisfaction of being a minute early than my professors, and just everything in between. Some of it may sound gross but I am not ashamed of missing these.

The little things that I do and experience every day, I used to take advantage of and it sucks that I don’t even have any idea when I can experience them again.

To make it less serious, I am more worried that I took advantage of having allowance, and now I barely have money in my bank account after spending everything on online shopping.

 HOW

How should I prepare for the normal days?

This “new normal” doesn’t feel new for us at all anymore. We got used to wearing face masks, face shield, spraying alcohol after touching anything in public, and doing everything online.

It is funny to think that the ‘normal’ that we got used to before, would probably feel like a stranger by the time this pandemic is done.

Preparation? There are probably a lot of ways to do so but just keep in mind that this is not a one-time thing. Always be careful and take care of yourself even when the virus is gone. Prepare yourself physically and mentally.

And always be reminded that you should appreciate the little things you can still afford doing.

~

We may never have any idea for now when this is going to end but one this you should remember that is, we only have one life in this world. Live, and seize your every day. Find support that you can share your moments with even when you are both away. Be thankful that we are still here and try to find yourselves worth.

[lovelybrittxo]

where do I even start?

I’m literally only writing this for myself since typing a whole novel out on the computer is way easier than writing this in a physical journal which is what I normally do. I come to Tumblr though when I have way too much to say and don't know how to say it. I just need to get it off my chest before I blow up. so here it goes...

shall we start at the beginning? I grew up in a decently religious household. my mom, sister and I went to church almost every Sunday with all our aunts and uncles. don't get me wrong, I still believe in God and whatnot and I wouldn't change my upbringing in the church for anything. but it may have suppressed my views on the world. something my aunt said to me a few years ago has stuck to brain ever since and I can't seem to shake it. she told me that she actually believes that being gay is a sin and that you can love the sinner but not the sin. so like, she believes if you're gay, you can be gay but don't act upon it/the sin. she believes, for example, that being trans is a mental illness. like, I just can't wrap my head around that. and honestly, she spoke with so much conviction and “sense” that she actually had me fooled to think the same way for a hot second. and then to learn that my other “cool” aunt also believes this... kinda sad. both of those aunts have literally talked down upon family (and our family is very tight knit) and people they love... what would they do if they ever found out about me?

ive felt a lot of feelings ever since I was young. mostly towards males... but also towards females. I just thought the female part was me wanting to be like them or be their friend and just have them like me and accept me as a chill person to be around. but fast forward to a couple years ago. I was bombarded (in a good way) by social media flaunting (in a good way lol) different sexualities and things. its hard to describe but that “world” was just becoming more prominent to me I guess.

I started to try and put my religious upbringing in the background so I could focus on trying to figure out who I really was. ive been doing this for at least a couple years now. and although im still trying to really figure it out, right now half way through 2020, I think im getting closer to an answer. and guess what has helped me the most? tiktok lmao! no but for real, the internet is an amazing place for discovery in any form. after I started to get into real communities online (like kpop and penpaling) i’ve never felt more connected to the internet and it allowed me to try and find real personal help... if that makes any sense. i’ve just tried to put myself out there and not just google my feelings but piece together a map from asking real people over the Internet here and there to try and figure out who I am.

sometime last year (or maybe earlier) I found a YouTube video of a popular creator retelling her coming out story. I just randomly commented on the video about how I had been feeling, not to get a reply but just to comment. but then I actually got a real reply (not from the creator but still a nice person). they said something along the lines of me basically being bicurious. I had never in my life heard of such a word and I had thought that this person was just making it up. one google search later I found out it was a real thing. although at the time of first looking it up I was still very confused about the word... still kinda am? lol. however, just a couple weeks ago I had seen a post somewhere (an ad I think selling pride flags) saying there was an official bicurious flag. I was in shock. I thought it was a scam, but its not, it’s real (I just don't think it’s talked about very often cause it doesn't seem like a solid sexuality that you can claim your entire life). but anyway.

now what i’m gonna say next I don't want to come off in the wrong way (you nonexistent person reading this lol), but I feel like dating a trans person brought me into that “world” a bit more. like, i had literally never met anyone who was trans before him or anyone who was gay or used a they/them pronoun... never. but in his world, all of that was common and normal. and this is where I don't want to come off wrongly... I don't wanna make it seem like because I dated a trans person i’m qualified to be included in the LGBT community now or to talk about LGBT stuff or whatever. I just think because I dated him, it opened up my shallow world a bit. especially because he’s open about it (on a side note I always loved looking at his huge trans flag above his bed. that was the first flag I had really ever memorized because of him. besides the rainbow one obviously lol). like, his best friend uses they/them pronouns, and although i’ve always been aware of that, i’ve only ever seen things about it through YouTube videos and whatnot. I had never had to actually use those pronouns for anyone I knew in real life until I met his best friend. like, everything I knew about that “world” had only been through online researching/consuming. i’d never experienced it in real life before.

I remember one night we talked about it a little. I knew he was bisexual and so I asked him if he’d ever dated a guy. he asked me if I would ever date a girl and i just said that I had always thought about it and that my tinder profile was set to find both genders. then we talked about pride since it was at the beginning of quarantine and we didn't know if parades were still gonna happen or not yet. he said I could always go as an ally because I told him I felt ashamed and like I shouldn't be allowed to attend a pride parade. (of course he reassured me I can go and he wasn't shocked about me liking both genders at all...he just said ‘nice’ lol)

I still have a little inkling in the back of my mind that I still shouldn't be able to attend though. honestly because I don't know what I would be attending as. I feel like an imposter. I don't want people thinking that im doing all this for attention or just because I dated one person in the LGBT community. i’ve been struggling with this for so long... but it just so happens that now at 27 years old im coming to terms with who I am. I just feel like because I didn't figure it out earlier that I’m not “worthy” of being included. I feel like such an outsider because no one’s “invited” me in yet lol because im still trying to figure it out.

and on the same note, I don't feel like i’m worthy because I still really don't have a solid answer. at the moment I just use bicurious because ive never dated a girl before. the trans guy ive been talking about has been the only person i’ve ever been romantically involved with. im serious. I made it 26 years without being with anyone in any type of way. I feel like I don't have the right to call myself bisexual. however, I feel a tiny bit more confident in using that label maybe after I do end up dating a girl in the future and not feel guilty about using it because that same guy calls himself bisexual but told me right out one day that he’s way more attracted to girls than guys and im in the same situation but opposite. the only difference at this point in time is that he’s dated both and I haven't. but thennnn on the other hand, do I even need to label myself at all right now??

even if I did wanna come out, I don't wanna do it until I really have a solid answer about my identity. i just feel like such a fraud or something because im trying to figure it out so late. and like, im going so over the top with my support this year because I feel like I should fit in and maybe im trying too hard? again, I just don't want people thinking its because I dated one trans guy and all of a sudden im huge into the LGBT community. it’s not like that. all of this is just helping me bring out my true self. ugh this is the part where it gets confusing to put into words. i’m aware and I have pure intentions. im just trying to figure out myself after a long time of trying to figure out myself lol

some days the research is overwhelming. there's so many facts and opinions and different people’s stories and labels. as crazy as it sounds I just want someone who’s been gay their whole life to come up and tell me “yup, your bisexual no doubt” lol or something like that. I guess I just want to be validated in my exploration. and i’ve seen random tiktok comments saying stuff like that, that validates me, but the difference is that their comments aren’t directed specifically to me. they don't know me personally. it’s hard to have a random social media comment resonate with me. honestly, and this may sound selfish and not right, but when I was talking to the guy I was seeing, I almost wish he just told me straight out what I was that day. but instead he said I could go to Pride as an ally. and that was probably just him being respectful and not forcing me to be anything, but it almost had the opposite effect on me. by saying I was an ally it felt like he was giving me that permanent label even after telling him I like guys and girls.... ya know?

something recently happened to me that really stuck with me and I was so happy. I have a penpal who is very southern Texas raised religious. she knows the Bible better than I do. I had posted a Pride doodle I did on my Instagram at the beginning of this month and she was the only one who personally responded with an encouraging and supportive dm. if she can support whole heartedly the LGBT community and still love God, then why can't I?? and that's when I trulyyyy knew that I was right and my aunt’s were wrong and I wasn't going insane lol

I wanted to buy a bicurious or pride flag recently. but then was torn when I saw the ally flag (which I also didn't know existed until recently) and the bisexual flag. I know they're just flags but it feels so solid?? like you buy one when you know what you are.... and I don't yet. so I ended up not buying one at all :/

again, there was no purpose to this post because I know no one is going to read it but I just had to type it out into the world so I didn't have to bottle it up anymore.

[happytodayblog]

Boredom

Boredom... we all feel it at some point. Some more than others. But I’m pretty sure that its fair to say, we’ve all been bored recently. So, in this, I will bring up some hobbies that you can pick up or try out. 

1. Reading 

Reading has become my number one hobby during this confusing time but somehow the aspect of hearing someone else’s world, fictional or non-fictional, has aided me into not feeling so lonely and dull. Some books that I would recommend are- The Handmaids Tale, Emma, Angels and Demons, DaVinci Code, The Kite Runner, These Shallow Graves and The Five People You Meet In Heaven. However, without access to libraries or book stores, it is hard to get a book to read, so, you can use apps such as Wattpad. Although, this is usually used for fanfiction or crap stories written by 12 year old girls (us teens who liked 1D will know this haha), Wattpad has actually given rise to some amazing books and worlds that are worth reading and are usually quite quick to read. Many authors on Wattpad have made series out of there books meaning that you can follow on the story-line without having to wait for ages. 

2. Notebooking 

What I have found to be quite useful, even when I am not bored, is notebooking/scrapbooking. This hobby is easy. Find a notebook, preferably a hardback or one of decent quality, and you can draw or add in cut-outs, making for a pretty book to look at. However, one way to also use a notebook is to relate the cutouts to how you feel or something that has happened recently. This is brilliant for mental health as it allows you to write down/draw out your emotions without feeling ashamed or having the extra pressure to tell someone if you aren’t ready yet. But, to keep in mind that if you do need to speak to somebody, then there are always people around, even if you have to call them because they can’t come over. This account is also available to message if you need any support or just some company. 

3. Movies 

Some of my friends have found that all they can do is watch Netflix, although this isn’t me, I have heard some interesting things about it. Even though the aspect of watching a movie is relatively boring, there are ways to make it more fun, like document what you enjoyed about it or read up on it. My friend has conquered her need to write a Media dissertation and the boring-ness of watching a movie by writing accounts on what she has watched; covering the characters, how you feel about them, the dialogue, the plot, the important scenes. It’s also very useful to read up on the movies and their creators, this gives you an insight into their world and may also spark a passion that you never knew you had for movie directing or acting! 

4.Music 

My family and I have always done this. We have certain times for certain genres of music. For example, when we have a family party- we listen to swing and soul. This is good for mood-relating, which might sound stupid but in a state where you feel stressed and need a pick-me-up, to have a song or a style of music that relates to a happy time that you have had, allows you to pick up your own emotions rather easily. This task can also be used in mixtaping, if you find yourself constantly going back to songs, why not burn them onto a CD? Music can also be used to dance. If you are a dancer or just love a jiggle, create a dance to your favourite song or, for those who have fallen victim due to the current circumstances, learn a tiktok dance... I know, cringe. 

5. Speak to Strangers.

I know what you’re thinking. “Why would she say that!” Well, because I don’t mean speak willy-nilly to strangers. There is an app called ‘Slowly’ that allows you to have pen-pals from all over the world and, because it’s meant to imitate actual pen-palling, it takes a couple of hours to send and receive messages to allow the process to seem authentic. This is a spectacular way to learn about new cultures and make new friends from all around the world. Another thing that I have found myself doing, for all the confident people out there, is to speak to someone that you have always wanted to speak to but have never had the chance. I spend all my time thinking ‘why don’t people just go up to others and say hi?’ and the answer is, that people think that its going to be awkward or strange. The truth is, that if there is someone in your school or work or club that you have never spoken to, the chances are that they probably want to have a relationship with you as well, they’re also just scared. This is why I think this time should be used to reach out to people that you know from work or school and create a stronger relationship. It means that when we do go back into society, we have people to turn to and speak to about this horrific time. 

6. Do an online college course

This is for all my little nerds out there or those who just want to be an intellectual for once. School may seem crap but we all know that when you aren’t there, you secretly miss the capability to learn new things all the time. The solution to this is the website Future Learn. This website has courses ranging from Medicine to Society and would be a great way to improve your CV or application to University/College as well as curing boredom. 

7. Bucket-list 

Since I haven’t been using my time wisely, I’ve been ‘Motivation Bucket-listing’. This is when you make a bucket-list of your aspirations. For example, I want to go into medicine, so on my bucket-list there are many things to do with applying such as ways to volunteer or get experience. You can also make it so that beside every aspiration is why you want to do it and why you should be doing it now instead of procrastinating. This makes you more motivated to do the things you need to and not just sit about and do nothing (however, if you need a break, TAKE ONE). 

8.Make Sure Everyone is Fine. 

We all know someone who will be struggling during these times, so why not make sure they are okay. I have a friend who doesn’t have a lot of money and although I am unable to get in touch with him all the time, I have made sure that there are people looking out for him when I can’t be there. You can also make people little videos of why you miss them, I’ve made then containing compilations of my favourite times with them and what I want to do when we get back to normal, this has allowed us to remain close and think of the future and not dwell in the present. 

9. Write. 

Back to Wattpad. Write something small and sweet or big and in-depth. This can be a good way to spend your time but also get feedback on your literacy skills thanks to the comment section. I’m currently in the midst of writing an LGBT wattpad novel that will be out soon and have found that this is a very good way to keep on top of staying mentally active and keep my imagination running wild. You can also use Archiveofourown or even tumblr. 

10. Meditate/Relax  

Everyone blows off Meditation like its something to be ignored but its extremely helpful. Meditation doesn’t need to be sitting in silence (although technically it does but this is an alternative/interpretation) you can be sitting listening to a song with your eyes closed or sitting in your back garden with the sun out. Really, its just relaxing, but its necessary for life. Many studies show that cultures that make time for relaxation have better life-styles and health rates, meaning that you could literally be making yourself a better person by doing nothing at all. 

That’s all I have the now! This is based off of my own experiences with boredom so it may not be brilliant but it definitely works for me and keeps my happy. If you want to add anything or talk about anything, just message me!! 

-Emily x