#lizard dad

[beetlerings]

I have a chronic disease called drawing old men

[hyperfixationtrainstation]

it is KILLING me that i dont know how old wavelength is!!!!! I need details for the story in my head!!!!!!! 😡😡😡😡😡💢💢💢💢💢

[shinymetalassbiter]

crowley is scared of the storm so in his tank he is freaking out but breaking things, hitting himself on the glass, and scratching at the glass I picked him up and held him for a bit and that seemed to help he has been doing this between 5:30 and 5:50 this morning its been 5 time i have had to get out of my nice warm spot on bed for him

I love being a Lizard dad

[fabuloustrash05]

"When I was a young man, I fell in love with a woman-"

"Oh, hey, is it that late?"

"Sit."

This is such a funny father and son moment between these two, and I love it way too much.

Not only with Raph trying to get out of hearing a story from his dad that he's not interesting in/in the mood to hear, but also immediately wanting out the second he realizes it's about his dad's love life.

[starlightshadowsworld]

Chuuya: What the hell happened to you guys? I thought your mission was a success.

Tachihara with the thousand yard stare: Oh it was great but it got really weird when we had to distract the civilian.

Chuuya: Why what happened?

Higuchi: Well she was this older lady so we were all brainstorming on what to do.

Gin, writes out a note: And then out of nowhere the Old man swooped in and started flirting with her.

Chuuya, spit takes: He did what?!

Tachihara: Yeah he just took her hand and gave the old man version of “you come here often” and then kissed her knuckles.

Chuuya: Holyshit…

Akutugawa: Aren’t you all over reacting? Hirotsu joined the Port Mafia at the age we did. Possibly younger, he has plenty of experience with these things.

Everyone stares at him with varying forms of disgust and horror.

Tachihara: Akutugawa, big bro with all due respect please never say those words ever again.

Gin nods slowly in agreement.

Akutugawa: You’re all acting like children…

Chuuya: So did she like him?

Tachihara: Oh yeah she was twirling her hair and everything. I think he got her number when we left.

Chuuya, whistles: Wow.

Hirotsu, walks in: What are you all yelling about in here?

All: Nothing!

Hirotsu: Hm, well I just wanted to say that I won’t be getting drinks with you and Kajii tonight, Chuuya. I’m afraid something else has come up.

Chuuya: What? You got a hot date or something?

Hirotsu, smirks: Something like that.

Tachihara: …I can never look at him the same way again.

[kaijutegu]

Jima likes to drape herself over various family members while we watch television together.

[bewitched-hours]

Shedletsky made 1x1x1x1, right?

And Shedletsky is a chicken, which is famously known to brood over eggs no matter the shape or size

.

..

…

1x is a lizard that hatched from an egg that Shedletsky was brooding over.

LMFAO THIS ONE MADE ME CRACK UP (get it-)

YOU'RE A GENIUS AND I WANT THIS TO BE MORE RECOGNIZED-

[sonnycrsi]

Carlos loves his husband’s joy !!!

And TK loves it when his husband is being a little shit sometimes 🤭

[lizardverbiage]

it was difficult for me to find the similarities between leo from rottmnt and leos from other tmnt shows, especially when thinking about potential crossovers, but when i looked at him through the lens of "splinter jr." it all suddenly made sense to me

[rizuno]

Threshold Day as learned from my Tumblr Dash

Janeway and Tom Paris went to warp 10.

Warp 10 turns u into cute salamander lizard things.

They turned into cute salamander lizard things.

They then had lizard sex. (on sCreEN??!!??)

Janeway then had lizard babies.

THE LIZARD BABIES WERE ABANDONED???!!!

The end.

[cornertheculprit]

Athena: Hee hee hee. You were so cute! ...And who's THAT fine-looking young man?

Apollo: That's Nahyuta, back when he used to smile.

[...]

Apollo: These pictures sure bring back memories. Nahyuta is cheerfully smiling in this one. That quiet smile he gives in court now seems almost fake by comparison.

[...]

Apollo: [...] (Before he goes, I'm going to turn back time by righting the wrongs that have been done. I'm going to restore Dhurke's freedom... ...and return a real smile to Nahyuta's face! I'm going to win this case. I just have to!)

[...]

Apollo: ......... (Dhurke, I hope you're watching. I proved your innocence... ...Nahyuta's smiling again... ...and that revolution you've always dreamed of... is finally happening.)

apollo's repeated reflections on nahyuta's smile throughout turnabout revolution and his desire to bring a real one back to his face instead of the fake one he's used up until then......augh. it's so fun to me

[pushing500]

Randy blessed my colony like the twins- a Saurid raider immediately laid an egg once she came on screen. I couldn’t non-lethally take her down, but I had my pawns haul the egg back to base as fast as they could. (Also the game decided that the best place to put the egg was in a food bin- had to manually set a spot for them to put it down that was not THE FUCKING FREEZER)

This is so funny I love it lmaoooo

There have to be so many strange blended found-family groups on the Rim, it must make for hilarious conversations.

I think "Yeah, sightstealers dropped you off and we left you in cryptosleep for ages" and "Lizard people brought you here and we almost froze you" are great ways to explain to your adopted kids where babies come from.

Saurid colonists are some of my favourite to draw. I hope your little one arrives safely and that you get a fun story out of it.

Keep me updated, if you like! I imagine Ivy would enjoy knowing there's someone out there sharing similar circumstances to her—adopted into a new family after your birth. They're like siblings separated by time and space. How lovely!

[sleepyminty]

One of the arc that has me on edge from the beginning to the end

[dark-elf-writes]

Anyway Modern AU where Thranduil is a recently widowed model who cannot keep a babysitter for more than like two hours because 1) Legolas is a weird little guy 2) those that could handle Legolas’ weirdness cannot handle the force that is a six year old coming to terms with grief and the resulting crippling fear of losing his dad 3) Thranduil is famous and that brings in a lot of weirdos and he has already set his lawyer on three different nannies that posted pictures of Legolas online. All this to say he shows up late to a photo shoot with Legolas crying in his arms after yet another babysitter fell through and his agent refused to let him reschedule again only for the photographer to also be a widower who is great with kids and is incredibly kind and attractive and (god he’s in trouble)

Bard was going to be annoyed that the model he was working with was late until he saw a reflection of himself a few years before trying his best to get back on his feet after losing his wife and he cant not help. And really Legolas is such a sweet kid who really likes bugs and rocks and lizards all of which Bard is practically an expert in after three children’s worth of hyperfixations

[sharksfrommars]

dad Stan part 5 anyone?

part 1 | last part|

this one is cute, but it also broke my brain a little. Ford doesn’t know shit about kids, and he’s so scared of embarrassing himself in front of an audience (a 5 year old). Lola is a hater frfr. No.1 Ford hater.

I love that for her.

Ford and his surprise niece sign a peace treaty.

Breakfast was awkward. Lola was sitting directly opposite Ford, eating the only good thing left in the house. A plain slice of bread. She kept glaring angrily at Ford, who couldn’t meet her in the eyes. She clung to Fiddleford, who was focused on some programming. The tension was palpable.

“Um” Ford started, “I guess I haven’t properly introduced myself-“

“Don’t worry, you don’t need to” said Lola, cutting Ford off with a deathly glare. Fiddleford stifled a giggle, not looking up from his work. 

“Come on Lola, I feel bad tha-“

“Good.” Lola stuffed the rest of her bread in her mouth. She tugged on Fiddleford’s arm.

“Mr gucket, let’s GO!”

“Lola, stay!” Ford said, perhaps slightly louder than he ought to, standing up suddenly. Lola looked up at him, with terror in her eyes. She clung to Fiddleford and started to cry.

Ford felt bad. He hadn’t meant to scare her. He sheepishly sat back down as Fiddleford comforted the girl. he gave Ford a glare and Ford flushed.

“It’s ok, miss lola. He didn’t mean it” Fiddleford said, rubbing Lola’s back. She was wailing now, so Fiddleford took her to the living room to calm down. 

Ford just stared into his coffee, at a loss for what his life had become. He was tired, having not slept at all in the past 24 hours. His body ached and he could still taste the spiders in his mouth. He had risked the world, doomed his BROTHER to a fate worse than death. 

Ford always figured that he and Stan could be brothers again, one day. Maybe after Ford had gotten famous, Stan would come back into his life. Ford would’ve insisted Stan grovel for forgiveness, and would accept. He’d show Stan all the amazing things he had done, and Stan would’ve been proud. And they’d talk over drinks, and tell each other all about their lives. And Stan would stay. 

It didn’t seem likely that Stan would want anything to do with him now. Ford still remembered the last thing Stan had said to him. Don’t fucking speak to me, Stanford. They hadn’t spoken in a decade, but it hurt all the same. Ford never considered a world where Stan wouldn’t want to talk to him. He remembered the look on Stan’s face as he fell through the portal. It haunted him. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see it. Stan must’ve hated him.

Ford’s eyes welled up with tears. He wished he had something to do, something productive to distract from the pain. He and Fiddleford were pretty much done with project Mentem. Fiddleford just had to sort out a few bugs in the program, nothing major. But that left Ford with nothing to do except drown in his own thoughts, contemplating just how much he screwed up. 

Fiddleford re entered the room, looking tired. 

“Ford, ya gotta be more careful with her. She thinks yer possessed by a demon”

Ford looked at his friend, wide eyed. 

“She knows about bill?”

Fiddleford shrugged.

“She told me she’s was hungry when I tried to ask her.”

It took a few more hours, but by lunch time they were ready to encrypt Ford’s mind. Ford wanted to do it instantly, but Fiddleford insisted they eat first. 

“Ford, seriously? There’s nothing to eat! When’s the last time ya went to the store?”

“I’ve been preoccupied” Ford scowled. “Maybe we should just do the encryption now!”

Just then, Lola ran in, holding Lizard in one hand, and a sheet of paper in the other.

“Mr Gucket! Lizard is hungry!” She yelled, standing in front of Fiddleford. “It lunch time.”

“Oh is he, now!” Fiddleford said in a sing-song voice. He was looking at Ford. “And what would Lizard like to eat?”

Lola considered this, then held up Lizard.

“Pizza!”

Fiddleford went to pick up the pizza, leaving Ford to watch Lola. He sat awkwardly, whilst Lola drew on the crumpled sheet of paper she was holding with a blue ball point pen. Ford felt tense, he could feel himself sweating. It took far too long for him to speak.

“So… uh… Lola!”

Lola stopped drawing, and looked up. Ford wiped the sweat from his brow. He didn’t realise kids could be this scary.

“Well- um… I-“ he stuttered, under the pressure of Lola’s unmoved stare. 

“Wh- what are you… um - what are you drawing?” Ford asked. He rubbed the back of his neck as Lola stared. 

Eventually her face softened, and she showed him the picture. It was a number of crudely drawn people in a line, each with a single defining characteristic. Ford was sure he was a much better artist at her age. He pointed at the smallest figure, which had a triangle for the hair.

“Is- um is that you?” Ford said. Lola nodded

“I’m going to draw Lizard too. I ride him into battle. That’s why I got a sword, see!”

She pointed at a line she drew next to her self portrait. Ford nodded.

“That’s very efficient. Who is everyone else?”

Lola pointed at a scraggly looking figure next to her. “That’s Stan. He like you, but less evil.”

“…right”

Lola continued, she was on a roll now.

“And here is Mama. Stan told me she used to be queen of the pirates before she got sick. That’s why she got a eyepatch and a pirate hat.”

“Your mother was a pirate?”

Lola nodded vigorously, with more confidence.

“Yeah! That’s how she met my papa! Stan said he was a star sailor. That means he came from space.”

“… and Stan told you that?”

Lola nodded enthusiastically. Ford sighed. 

“Right. Anyway, I thought Stanley was your father?”

“Stan is my dad because he look after me since mama got sick and died.”

“But you have another dad.”

“Noooo I have a papa. Stan said he got kidnapped by mermaids before I was born. That’s why he can’t look after me.”

Ford looked at Lola confused.

“Lola, mermaids don’t kidnap people. Actually, it’s quite fascinating, see, mermaids are closely related to sirens and-“ 

Ford blabbered on, and Lola stopped listening pretty fast. When Fiddleford re entered the room, this time with Pizza. About halfway through eating, Lola remembered that she hated Ford, and stopped responding to him.

They all went down to Ford’s secret study. Lola waddled behind Fiddleford, seemingly unnerved.

“Mr gucket… what are we doing?”

Fiddleford and ford passed a look between them. 

“Well, Lola, ya know what ya said about Ford…” Fiddleford started.

“Hes evil.”

“No, Lola about the- well um…” Fiddleford stuttered as Lola clung to his leg. She buried her face into his leg.

“You’re not gonna let him hurt me, right mr gucket?” She said, voice quavering. 

Fiddleford kneeled down beside her, and offered a hug. Lola crawled into his arms.

“No one here’s gonna hurt ya.”

Lola looked up, straight at Ford.

“But… what about the demon?”

Ford was shaking. He couldn’t bear the fear in Lola’s eyes.

“I’m going to destroy him.” Ford said. 

Fiddleford picked Lola up, and they kept walking. 

“Hows’about ya tell me about this demon.” Fiddleford said, “like what did he look like?”

“He looks stupid,” Lola said, “like a nacho, he got a silly hat and he pretended to be my friend. But Stan said to not trust strangers, so I said no. And then it went scary”

“Bill…” Ford whispered. “When did you first see him?”

“Um… when I was dreaming I think. In the car.”

Ford rushed closer to Lola. “What did he show you, Lola! This is important! You didn’t make a deal with him, did you? Why did he contact you?”

Lola started to cry. Fiddleford comforted her, glaring at Ford, who looked embarrassed. 

“Be gentle, Stanford! She’s only little!”

Lola had calmed down by the time they got to Ford’s study. She still refused to look Ford in the eye. Ford couldn’t blame her, but he also couldn’t risk her being used by bill. He needed to talk to her properly, but she despised him. He wondered about this as he fiddled around with Project Memtem. They hadn’t figured out a way to make it not project memories, but that gave him an idea.

“Lola?” He said, tentatively, “do you really think I’m evil?” 

Lola nodded. Ford sighed, before continuing.

“Do you know what this machine does?”

She shook her head.

“It’s a device designed to read brain waves and translate them into coherent thought. Fiddleford and I repurposed it so it can also encrypt your thoughts to prevent outside influences from interfering.”

Lola looked confused. “I’m five.” She said. Ford felt embarrassment flush on his cheeks. He was glad the room was dark.

“Um. Yes. Well, to put it simply, it reads your mind. And uh…” Ford stuttered trying to think of a simple explanation. Luckily, Fiddleford was there.

“It stops demons from Gettin’ in yer brain” Fiddleford said. Lola nodded in understanding. Ford continued.

“Yes, thank you Fiddleford. I’m hoping that this will keep Bill out of my mind.”

Lola looked Ford in the eyes, confusion etched in her face.

“bill said you was his friend?” She asked it like it was a question. Ford’s face went grave.

“He isn’t my friend, Lola. He used me, tormented me for months. He tricked me into building the portal when I was lonely and vulnerable. I thought he was a muse, but in reality, I was just his puppet.”

Lola looked confused. She turned to Fiddleford.

“Mr gucket, what did Ford say?”

“He said that Bill is a bully, sweet pea.”

“Oh. That’s mean.” Lola said, seemingly gaining a new level of understanding.

“Stan said that I gotta punch bullies.”

Ford sat himself in Project Mentem, and put the helmet on. It was actually just a repurposed colander, Ford’s only one. 

“Lola” he said, his thoughts appearing on screen, “I know you don’t trust me, but it is my hope that by reading my thought, you will know I am being honest.”

Lola squinted. “Sounds like a scam.”

Thoughts of embarrassment appeared on the screen, things like ‘Lola thinks I’m uncool’ and ‘that’s exactly what Stan’s daughter would say’. Lola couldn’t read very well yet, but she did recognised Stan’s name.

“Stan!” She said, pointing. “Can you show me pictures please?”

“What?” Ford responded. He was expecting her to demand that he prove his allegiance to her. Not… this.

“I want to see pictures of Stan. I miss him” she said, matter of factly.

Ford thought about Stan, trying to keep his anger and annoyance out of his mind. He remembered the good bits of Stan, the bits where he stuck up for him, where he was loyal to the end. The Stan he trusted when he could no one else. A picture of Stan and Ford as kids appeared on the monitor, happy and smiling, having been caught in some harmless delinquency.”

“Stan’s a baby!” Lola said, coming closer to Ford. “He’s not as cute as I am.”

Ford laughed. “Stan was a bit of a trouble maker.”

“Stan said I need to be more like a trouble maker. He said I need to be Im-be-ten-den”

“He would say that, wouldn’t he.” Lola nodded.

“Did Stan REALLY fight the jersey devil?” Lola asked, and pictures of Stan and Ford hunting the jersey devil appeared. Lola laughed.

They went on like that for a while, with Lola asking Ford questions about Stan, and Ford telling her stories of their childhood antics. Lola sat on the floor in-front of Ford, lizard in tow. At some point, Fiddleford had left them down there. Neither of them noticed. Lola didn’t seem afraid of him anymore. But she still looked a little sad.

“Ford…” she started, “… do you love Stan?”

Ford wasn’t expecting that. His thoughts when quiet almost instantly, before flurrying to life, faster than anyone could keep up.

Of course he loved Stan. They were brothers, twins. As much as they fought, as much as they haven’t talked in a decade, Ford still loved him. Still trusted him with his life.

But there was that sense of betrayal, the anger. Stan was a cheat and a crook, who would do anything to get his way. If Stan listened once in a while, if only he had been more responsible, more mature. They wouldn’t have had to spend 10 years apart from each other. But Stan was self centred, he didn’t think about anyone other than-

Ford looked down to see Lola, staring up at him. Lola could see all his thought, his ugliest ones. She didn’t look impressed.

“That’s mean.” She said, simply. And Ford sighed.

“You’re right, Lola. I’m sorry.”

Lola shook her head. “It’s ok. Stan said he loves you even if your mean.”

Ford felt his eyes water, his breaths shallow and his heart beat. Stan came because he loved Ford, even after a decade of no contact. The first time he rang, he came, even when bill told Stan ‘I never loved you’ in Ford’s voice. And now he was stuck, in whatever fucked up dimension Bill was from, because Ford got tricked, got his ego boosted by a triangle. Ford sobbed. It was his fault that Stan was gone, that Lola had no one to look after her. He had to fix it.

He hadn’t noticed Lola had moved until she had crawled onto his lap.

“I miss Stan too” she whispered. 

“I’m so sorry Lola. It’s my fault.”

“It’s ok. You can help me to rescue Stan. Lizard has a plan, but Mr gucket didn’t listen to me.”

Despite himself, Ford smiled. “I’d love to hear your plan, Lola.”

Project Memtem had seemingly worked. Ford managed to sleep through the night, and Bill couldn’t access his body! He still plagued Ford’s dreams, but his body could rest. He slept for 20 hours straight, and when he awoke, he took a shower. It felt good. He felt better than he had in a long time. 

Ford found his house cleaner than it had been, with a plate of food on the table left out for him.  He made himself a nice mug of coffee. He sat in the silence for a moment, breathing in the cold air. He needed to pay his heating bill. 

The door swung open, and Fiddleford entered, swinging Lola on his arm.

“Ah! You’re awake!” Fiddleford said. “Lola and I went huntin’ for unicorns!”

“I punched him where the sun don’t shine” Lola said darkly. Then she stuffed her hand in her pocket and pulled out a bundle of unicorn hair.

“You managed to get them to give you some unicorn hair?!” Ford exclaimed excitedly.

“��Give’ is a strong word. I showed Lola some of my old rodeo skills, from back in Tennessee”

“UNICORNS TASTE LIKE CANDY” Lola shouted. Ford looked confused, before brushing it off. 

“Great! Thank you, Lola, now if you just give me the-“

“NO” she yelled, stuffing the unicorn hair back into her pocket.

“First you have to promise.”

Ford blinked. “Promise what?”

Lola pulled out a piece of paper from her other pocket, with scribble kid writing on it. She gave it to Ford.

“This is a peace treaty.” She said. Ford couldn’t make out what she had written.

“Okay… what does it say.”

“It said I will give you unicorn hair and stop hating you, if you promise to rescue Stan. And also let me help.”

Ford smiled.

“I promise.”

[bewitched-hours]

Broody Shedletsky/Telemon vs Lizard 1x (which lizards leave home quite early)

1x tryna scramble away from big bird dad who just wanna cuddle

Vs

Telemon tryna snuggle his son but keeps getting hissed and swiped at :(

Awww :(

"I love my strange child-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

"... :["