#lmfao he thought it was gonna work in his favor

[zomboivex]

Chapter 10 Thoughts (Spoilers under cut)

This is my 5am thoughts where I got maybe 4 hours of sleep and haven’t fully processed what I read (and need to read again to comb for more details)

But here goes;

1) Moby was very very eager to send them on that mission and i know he says it’s to get in good favor again etc but like- does that mean that advisors get incentives if one of their houses win the laurel crown? Or would he like get the money from them too? Idk but my INITIAL thought was he was going to set them up for failure. But I am very much on the train of not trusting the advisors

2) Ed’s powers are definitely something and we only saw just a portion of it, I’m sure. Rui at least believes Ed is the strongest vampire. Like purple alluring mist? Text bubbles over people’s heads? Buddy. Lmfao

3) The bar chat. Trial. Are they talking about those Clementia twins mentioned earlier in the game? (It’s been a minute so I’d have to look for more details) but that makes the most sense to me?

4) Haru playing pretend zookeeper. Buddy I don’t think it’s pretend no more lol he basically is a zookeeper. But that comment struck me a little odd, anyways. Haru are you fooling us? Are you harboring ill intentions?

5) mentions of a traitor/spy again. More and more I think it’s Hyde. Someone we met early on and ‘trust’. But it could be Haku. I’m still gonna be team Hyde is scum though.

6) Obscuary knows so much but are straight up just keeping it all to themselves (by Obscuary I mean Ed and Rui).

7) I am still convinced that the more Rui’s curse does its thing- the more he’s turning into a reaper, himself (I mean- MC is also cursed and is also turning).

8) Ed being down bad for Rui hahahahahahahhaa same buddy. Same.

9) Lyca having his moment of realization that these humans he was trying to protect give not a single fuck if they think he’s the monster. Also just that entire scene in general.

10) That bar scene at the end with Rui and Ed. Sorry. Sorry. You will have to pry this ship from my cold fucking dead hands.

I have more thoughts but lack of sleep is making it difficult to think and I have to get ready for work.

Also I need to reread the entire chapter to squeeze out more things. Because I was half asleep (and very slap happy) reading it.

[xbellaxcarolinax]

If you’re taking requests….I’m sick right now and I’d love to see a Drabble about Miguel taking care of his sick s/o. Especially bcuz he was a dad so you KNOW he’s fussy.. if it’s possible, thank you so much. If not, thank you for your time 🥰🥰

Hello there! Hope you're feeling better at the time of me writing this lmfao hope you enjoy <3

...

You couldn't get out of bed.

You were glued to your sheets, the light cotton drenched in sweat from the fever you'd been fighting since last night. You turned to your side, finding the space beside you empty. 

You sighed. Miguel probably had some last-minute work to do at HQ. He was a busy man after all. 

You sniffed, rolling onto Miguel's side of the bed. It was surprisingly warm still, the scent of his body wash trapped in the sheets. You pressed your nose into his pillow, inhaling deeply.

Well, if that's the closest you'll get to having him then so be it. 

You stayed that way for a few moments, eyes closed, head buried in Miguel's pillow, and body tangled in the thick comforter you shared with him.

You were drifting back to sleep again, the pillow dragging you back to the realm of dreams.

"Amor?" The bedroom door creaked open, and in came Miguel with a tray in hand. Your eyes fluttered but you didn't move, too tired to do much else but hum in response. You half expected him to be in his suit, your eyes ready for the bright blue and red fabric to assault your vision. Instead, he wore his casual clothes: a fitted black v-neck and gray sweatpants.

"I thought you left." You croaked, your eyes following Miguel as he placed the tray on the nightstand. You could smell the eggs and toast just inches away, the scent of citrus tea and ginger overwhelming your senses.

"You're sick," he stated, sitting at the edge of the bed, "I'm not going anywhere." 

"No HQ business?"

"Jess can run the show."

"No evil villains to track down?"

"I've already swept the city. Everything's fine."

"But—"

"Amor," Miguel interjected, gently brushing your messy hair away from your sweaty face with calloused fingers, "por favor. Let me take care of you." 

You huffed letting him carefully flip you on your back before dragging you up from under your arms, placing the back of his hand against your brow.

"Good. Fevers gone," he murmured, sweeping his knuckles over your cheekbone, "tea?" 

You nodded, your hands wrapping around your designated mug as soon as he handed it over. The ginger soothed your sore throat, the honey sweetening your tastebuds.

"Move up for me." You grumbled but did as he asked. Miguel moved to sit behind you, kicking off the comforter to nestle you between his warm legs. "Comfy?"

"Mhm."

"Good." His fingers immediately weaved into your hair, ignoring the knotty bits and lightly digging into your scalp in his version of a massage. He was good at them, skilled fingers pressing against the areas that needed the most attention. You moaned, letting your head fall back slightly as he worked his magic. 

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really." You shrugged, eyes heavy with the pleasure of his scalp massage. He stopped and you whined at the loss, feeling him shove the tray of food over your lap.

"Tienes que comer," he grunted, grabbing your comb from the nightstand drawer and dragging it gently through your knotted hair, "I'm gonna braid your hair, okay?" 

"Okay."

You nibbled on a piece of buttered toast as Miguel went to work, running the wide-tooth comb through your hair as best he could. He had a knack for it, his hands quickly weaving your strands in a plait as he did for his daughter once upon a time. 

Gabriella was gone and with her went most of his warmth. Or so he thought.

Miguel had you now. You were a stable presence in his life, and though you could never replace the loss of his daughter, he knew for certain that you were enough. He loved you a great deal though it was difficult for him to form the words in his mouth and just say it.

But you knew. You knew in the way he doted after you and in the way he held you. You knew in the way he made your coffee in the mornings and cooked your favorite meal when he had the time. You knew in the way he kissed you—and in the way he fucked you.

You knew in the way he took care of you when you were sick.

"Done." He said, tying the braid off with an elastic he had around his wrist.

You leaned back against his chest, placing a buttery kiss on his neck before whispering, "Thank you."

"For what?" You could hear the smile in Miguel's tone, in the way his fingers curled around your waist.

"For taking care of me," you said with a mouthful of toast, "you're always taking care of me."

Miguel grunted in response. He wasn't good at accepting praise, never could. So he held you close instead, hoping his warmth would suffice.

He kissed your hair, resting his chin over your head, and you smiled. It was enough.

...

Por favor- please

Tienes que comer- you need to eat

[8aji]

too busy saving everybody else to save yourself. // s.s.

to think of a life without him filled you up with such sorrow you thought you'd let yourself drown just to be with him one last time. — or, an account of the events that transpired after the night of august 14, 2003.

pairing. shinichiro sano x baji!reader

wc. 18k

tags/cw. MDNI, angst with happy ending, fluff, hurt/comfort, best friends to lovers, baji!reader (reader is baji’s sibling), manga spoilers, shinichiro lives, anxiety/panic attacks, smoking, mentions of death, characters cry a lot, mentions of head trauma + hospitals + needles + blood, reader gets called 'nee-chan' a couple of times but other than that its pretty gn, very suggestive (one make/out sesh), takeomi is clowned a lot + please let me know if i missed anything!

a/n. its finally done sob i spent so much time polishing this as much as i could and what was supposed to be a 1k drabble mutated into this lmfao but all in all this fic is my baby, my child, and i love it so so much i just hope y'all will like it as much as i do !! a massive thanks to @tetsutits for betaing and to @mosviqu for letting me run the storyline through her !! hope all of u enjoy lots n lots !!

m.list ˖ tags ˖ byi/dni

One step, one blink, one breath, one step, one blink, one breath; like on autopilot, the pattern repeated itself over and over again. You could feel it beating inside your skull; the pounding of your heart resonated throughout your body, acting as the fuel behind your every move. 

Your blurry gaze amplified all of your other senses, sending your brain into a downward spiral of emotional overwhelm; the loud keyboard clicking, the obnoxious chatter, the drinking and munching of coffee and donuts, all of it made you want to tear your ears off. How could the world keep turning, people existing like normal, while you were being consumed by the tightness enveloping your lungs? The thought made you want to light up the whole building, watch it burn as the flames simmered the concrete to ashes to relieve the turmoil brewing inside your body. 

“I'm coming for Baji Keisuke?” You asked, barely managing to string the words together in a coherent sentence, head going a thousand miles per hour. “He’s my brother.”

The officer behind the desk pulled down his magazine, looking you over and taking in your dishevelled state. “Ah,” he sighed as soon as your brother's profile appeared on his screen. “Baji Keisuke, the little rascal with the breaking and entering charges, huh?”

lips forming into a thin line, you nodded, biting your tongue so as to not insult the man in front of you who, for some reason, couldn't help but chuckle, as if a twelve year-old kid being detained was funny. 

“Can I see him?”

He gave you one last obnoxious glance, before typing on his computer.

“He’s currently under police custody,” he explained condescendingly as if you didn’t know, pulling a manila folder and pressing the button on the printer, handing you a pen in the meantime. “He's only got a minor charge compared to the other brat he came in here with,” He let out a quiet cackle, not wanting to attract anyone else’s attention. To you, it was like he acted this nonchalant to rile you up, make your blood boil. And, in spite of your reluctance to admit to it, it was working. Being in his presence made you want to punch him. “We’re betting on whether the other kid’s gonna get charged with manslaughter or not.

“And just between us,” he made a come hither motion, but leaned forward on his chair at your lack of reaction. “I’m betting in favor of manslaughter, so I'm crossing my fingers for the guy to die soon, ‘ya know?”

Had you been wearing long sleeves, he would’ve been able to see you rolling them up, emotionally prepared to be charged with aggravated assault against a police officer

Fortunately, another officer called out your name, catching your attention before you could act on the violent scenarios coursing through your brain. You didn’t bother excusing yourself before leaving to find your brother.

He looked small, smaller than he actually was, as he sat on the floor with both his knees close to his chest. His eyes were puffy and red, it was obvious he had been crying; though by the looks of it, he had yet to stop.

The cell door sounded like nails against a chalkboard as it scraped against the floor. It made him flinch in surprise, snapping him out of the borderline-dissociating trance as he looked up at the intimidating officer, trying to gauge his intentions while gathering all the energy he had left in his body to fight off the man just in case he needed to. But as soon as he made eye contact with you he could feel himself lowering his guard. 

He didn’t even hesitate, his body moved on his own, running past the officer and straight into your arms, letting the harsh sobs he had tried bottling up rack his body, along with muffled apologies and incoherent explanations.

“It's okay,” you mumbled against his hair, trying to calm down his heart wrenching cries. He nuzzled his face against your neck, trying to get impossibly closer to the sound of your voice. You waited for him to nod, still clutching at your clothes with all the remaining energy he had. “He's strong, he’ll be alright.”

Though at this point you were unsure whether your words held any weight against the grand scheme of things; hopefully all your promises won’t turn into bold-faced lies.

You made your way out of the cell together, holding his left hand as he used the other to rub at his eyes, itchy and dry from all the crying. The two of you walked past a couple of cells before he stopped for what seemed like a millisecond, mumbling something under his breath in weak anguish. Had you not been hyper aware of everything going on around you, you wouldn’t have noticed the slight tug at your hand.

Kazutora sat on the floor the same way Keisuke did, knees pulled up to his chest, biting his cuticles raw to stop his brain from looping the traumatic set of events like a broken film; still, it wasn't enough to stop his whole body from trembling in shock. The distress fresh in his eyes made you want to drop everything just to hold him close, comfort him like you did with Keisuke. 

But you didn’t have much time, the officer behind you pressured the both of you to move, and considering Keisuke remained under police custody, you weren’t willing to risk him getting locked up again now that you had him by your side.

“Wait for me over there, okay?” You said, pointing at the waiting area. “I just have to fill out some paperwork and then we can go home.” He held your hand even tighter in his grasp in response, as if he was scared to let go. “I’ll be quick, promise.”

Reluctantly, he dragged his feet as he walked, not wanting to stray far away from you. At least there was still some sort of stubbornness left in him. You’ve never seen him act like this, uncontrollably crying and apologising, devoid of the mischievous glint in his eyes. Knowing the Keisuke you knew was still there comforted you.

“How, uh, how much is bail gonna be?” You asked once he had made himself at home on the plastic chairs. Thankfully it was someone else behind the desk instead of the asshole you had the misery of interacting with. 

You knew it wasn’t going to be cheap, already having a grasp of fines and bail costs thanks to your friends getting into trouble, but even with this knowledge, their response sent a shiver down your spine.

Maybe you could use some of your own savings, or part of your college fund. Using your mom’s money was also an option, but you didn't want to put the burden on her. If you skipped a semester it could give you some time to earn the money back, but you were already behind in a few classes, and the minimum wage from part time jobs wouldn’t stack up too much, so was it truly feasible?

Fuck, you knew they were children but you couldn’t help but curse at their recklessness, their stupidity and naivety. Did they actually think stealing a bike would be that easy? And now you have to pay for the consequences, quite literally. Of course, you could always leave him here, let him face the consequences straight on. There was nothing forcing you to bail him out. But who were you kidding, you’d kill for him, of course you were going to pay.

Making sure he was still where you left him, you looked over your shoulder back at him. He was slumped over his knees, aimlessly playing with his fingers as his eyes fixated on the corridor leading to the cells, a solemn sadness washing over his features. 

No. 

You weren’t going to. You were going to pay for your brother’s sins, or whatever the cheesy line says, and leave to never look back. You didn’t owe this other kid anything, most certainly when you couldn't afford it. But, after knowing him for so long, the thought of him staying in the middle of four cold walls until further notice broke your heart.

“Actually,” you sighed. This was gonna cost two semesters instead of one. “Could I pay for someone else’s bail as well?”

At first, he refused to acknowledge your presence, biting harder into his fingers. He tried self-soothing through slow back and forth rocking motions and the unintelligible words that spilled from his mouth, hugging himself tighter the closer you got. 

He didn’t move, frozen in place as if the lack of movement would make him invincible to the naked eye. He didn’t cave in no matter what you did, not when you kneeled in front of him nor when you whispered his name in hopes he would acknowledge your voice.

It only took a couple of seconds after that for him to shyly meet your gaze, warming up to you in an instant and clinging onto you just like Keisuke had done, though he did so with a lot more desperation, this sort of comfort foreign to Kazutora. He felt so small in your embrace, burying his face in your shoulder, the only thing he could do was claw at your body for reassurance. Other than that, he didn’t speak, didn’t cry, he almost didn’t move, to the point it had you questioning whether he was actually breathing. 

Once you coaxed him out of the cell and got a hold of your brother, your sole focus was on guiding the boys beside you out of the precinct as fast as possible, one hand holding Keisuke’s while the other rested on the back of Kazutora’s head. They didn’t need to spend more time than necessary in this place, surrounded by grimy cell blocks and seemingly socially inept officers who couldn’t keep their rambunctious laughter down.

Wakasa was sitting on his bike outside the police station waiting for the three of you, and though initially it was supposed to be just the two of you riding along with him, he wasn’t surprised you paid for your brother’s friend’s bail. He kept a fairly laid-back exterior, lit cigarette hanging from his fingers replacing his preferred strawberry flavored lollipops, inhaling back the smoke that seeped from his parted lips and freaking out on the inside.

The two of you were hanging out when multiple calls blasted through your phone, prompting you to rush to where you were now. First it was one from the hospital, one of the bearers of bad news that didn’t let you dwell on the fact that Shinichiro had written you down as one of his emergency contacts. Then came the call from the police station, sinking your heart down to the bottomless pit in your stomach.

“Everything alright?” He asked, putting out his cigarette, smothering the stick with his boot along with the other three he had finished while you were inside. 

You hummed in response, words dying in your throat. The silence around you itched and burned, made your skin prickle with discomfort, and even so, no one dared say anything besides the occasional noise of acknowledgement. They weren’t dumb. They were one-hundred percent aware of what they were doing, and this wasn’t something you could blame on their age either. Yes, they were kids, but a twelve year old should be able to discern right from wrong; aware that stealing is bad and that murdering people is wrong.

And deep down, you knew this was even more fucked up than it appeared to be. You knew Kazutora wouldn’t have cared for the victim had it not been Shinichiro. The only reason he was shaking like a leaf, flinching when Wakasa fastened the belt of his helmet against his head, was because he hurt Mikey’s brother. That’s not to say Keisuke was innocent, it was clear he wasn’t. Intentionally breaking into someone’s shop to steal a very valuable, very expensive, piece of equipment and potentially complicit in someone's murder. 

You wanted to tear your eyes off at the thought. Did they really think they could get away with this? That it would be as easy as stealing some candy or gum from the corner store? You wanted to curse them out for being so stupid, so naive. But looking down at their sunken faces, eyes bloodshot and teary as they sweated fear from every pore on their fragile skin, it made you want to excuse all their horrid behaviour, ignore the fact they committed a crime and in the process they mortally wounded an innocent man. 

You held down an involuntary gag at the violation of your principals, the memory of what had just gone down stirring unwanted bitterness inside your stomach. You were no one to criticise the two kids sitting between Wakasa and you. They could be stupid, but you were the weakest of them all.

“Let’s get going then.”

You could question your moral compass later, first you had to get them home.

The voices of the characters talking in the background faded into an uncomfortable white noise as your muscles dissolved along with your bones, breaking through your skin and seeping into the cushions of the couch. Each time you breathed in the more stressed you became at the uncertainty of your friend’s mortal status. 

You hadn’t received any news from the hospital, and though you knew that if they hadn’t called by now, they probably wouldn’t at least until tomorrow morning, that didn’t stop you from imprisoning your phone close to your chest. Maybe if you channelled all your strength into your hold then you’d lose the urge to cry.

In spite of their initial resistance, it didn’t take long to put the kids to bed. The two of them drifted off to a bitter, yet hopefully replenishing, sleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow. It wasn’t surprising, the whole incident had drained the both of them to their core.

“‘Sure you’re okay?” Wakasa asked, and had it not been for his voice you're sure you would’ve dissociated the rest of the night. Maybe the kids would find you the next morning still sitting on the couch, frozen like a statue as you stared at the ceiling, and freak out because they’d think you had died along with ‘Shinichiro-nii’. 

You hummed, it was the only response you could muster it seemed, with your eyes zeroing in on his shoulders, then his cheeks and then his earrings. Looking straight into his eyes would do you no good. It’d blow your cover in less than an instant, and though it’s fair to say it was a shit cover, amplifying your grief through your dejected silence instead of toning it down, it made you feel safer from the imminent doom. Still, shitty cover up or not, Wakasa knew you weren’t okay. You wouldn’t be able to fool him even if he was stupid, and at this point, he’s convinced you wouldn’t be able to fool anyone; a single glance your way was enough to tell you were silently crumbling. 

He let his head fall backwards against the back of the sofa, sighing in acknowledgement. No matter how many times he asked, deep down he knew you would only cave in at your own account, But at least his question somehow managed to bring you back down from the maze your brain had started fabricating to earth. And maybe, just maybe, if he gave you enough space that’d prompt you to speak. He didn’t mind waiting. Not for a couple of seconds, or the couple of minutes those seconds turned into, or the couple of hours they mutated into next, and so on until days and weeks and years had passed, until the scarcity of time felt infinite.

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” You broke the silence, biting the edges of your words as if you wanted to hide them back inside, voice shaky and heavy against your tongue. 

He hesitated, sharing a seat next to you inside the same sinking uncertainty boat, “Shin-chan’s stronger than you think.” He tried reassuring you, or himself he wasn't sure, but at this point the more he tried to tell himself his friend was still breathing, the more it felt like a lie. Shin-chan was stronger than the two of you thought, but was he really? “He’d be heartbroken to know you had little faith in him.”

At least he got you to chuckle, “I’d be heartbroken to know that I was right.”

You fell into an uncomfortable silence not long after, the stakes of the conversation too high, and if you continued talking you’re sure you’d end up giving Shin up for dead. But like this, maybe you could finally force yourself to get some sleep. The weight of your eyelids had doubled, eyes growing heavier against your will, and though you didn’t want to, just in case something happened while you were unconscious, you knew you’d be of no use without at least a few hours of rest. Plus, you promised yourself you’d never lose any sleep over a guy, ever, and you weren’t about to make an exception for Shinichiro Sano.

Not even an hour in your slumber, you almost threw your phone to the other side of the room as its desperate cry pierced your ears. You’re sure Wakasa almost had a heart attack with how fast straightened up next to you, and it wouldn’t be a surprise if it somehow managed to wake up both Kazutora and Keisuke, although your brother was more of a chronic heavy sleeper.

“What are you waiting for? Answer it!” Feelings heightened in his barely awake, panicked state, the desperation was palpable in his words. And though uncommon for him to act in such an erratic manner, he had bottled everything up the whole night, it was time for the stoic facade to break. 

But, even so, in spite of your friend’s heartbreaking desperation you didn’t move. Not after the third ring or the fourth. You didn’t dare move, staying frozen on the couch, groggy from waking up yet hyper-aware of everything going on around you despite your mild dissociation. The sole thought of moving towards made your brain press against your skull, screaming at you to stop. 

Not answering meant that Shinichiro could stay both simultaneously alive and dead, his fate linked to whether you picked up the call. If you didn’t, maybe he wouldn’t die after all, he’d stay stuck in the unknown limbo of immortality until you made a call. 

But then again, this was your only chance to get an update on his status. And it wasn’t only you anxiously waiting on any sort of news. Wakasa was waiting; Keisuke and Kazutora, although asleep, were as well, and you could only fathom Benkei and Takeomi’s reaction. Mikey and Emma were probably up to date, the hospital must’ve called their grandfather before they reached out to you. And looking back at the people that depended on you, it really wasn't fair to put your own self-indulgent selfishness over the needs of others, was it?

It wasn't. Of course it wasn’t, but after putting everyone before you for as long as you’ve lived, didn’t you deserve to be selfish? At least once, when it pertainted the condition of the unrequited love of your life, didn’t you deserve at least that much?

“Hello?” Wakasa answered through furrowed brows and twitching lips. From the way he spoke, you could tell he was biting on the inside of his cheek to release some tension, putting enough pressure to draw blood. “This is Wakasa Imaushi speaking,

“–can’t get to the phone right now, can’t you just talk to me?” Voice getting progressively louder, he challenged the person on the other side of the call. “He’s my best friend, don’t I deserve to know whether he’s alive or not?!”

Only when his voice broke at the weight of his own desperation did you manage to snap out of your trance, snatching the phone out of his grip, ignoring his glassy eyes as you spoke into the receiver, mumbling your name through a shakily put together voice.

You’re not sure whether you imagined it or not, almost choking on a withered sob, but you could feel the moment your teeth sunk into the skin of your hand, digging hard enough for blood to prickle to the surface, preventing any other noise from coming out. 

With your vision blurry and a tightness in your chest you could not describe, your body had gone completely numb, and yet your nerve endings were scorching under any semblance of atmospheric pressure, forcing you to feel everything, everywhere, all at once.

Had Wakasa not been there to catch you, you’d have collapsed on the ground, a pitiful wailing mess. Tears soaked through the fabric of both your clothes as you held each other close. For what felt like hours, the two of you stayed like that. Face buried against his neck and his against the top of your head, he rocked you back and forth in his arms until your tears stopped mixing themselves with your spit, sharp inhales tuning down into soft sniffles. And though his eyes burned with unshed sorrow, he kept on humming at your unintelligible mumbling.

“See? I told you he was stronger than we thought.” He whispered, though it sounded closer to a whimper, and nuzzled his cheek further against your hair. As if trying to ground himself, he gave you a tight squeeze, still in doubt whether he was trying to convince you or himself. 

Only after a while, once both of your breathing had evened out, did you raise your head up from its hideout, hesitant footsteps catching your attention.

“Nee-chan?” You heard a tiny voice coming from the hallway, a little insecure, as if he didn’t think he deserved a proper response. 

“I’m sorry ‘Tora, did we wake you?” You peeled Wakasa’s arms from your body, rubbing the haziness of your eyes away. He shook his head in response, carefully moving away from the shadows after acknowledging your lack of anger.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

His puffy eyes shimmered red under the soft moonlight coming through the living room window. He took meticulous steps in your direction, side-eyeing Wakasa and still wary of you, not knowing how you would react after his intrusion. Each one was lighter than the other, the wooden floors refused to creek underneath his weight, almost as if he had trained himself to become weightlessly invisible.

Slowly as to not startle him, you stretched your arms in his direction, beckoning him towards you and silently encouraging him to trust you. Even after drying out his tears once you tucked him in bed, holding his hand a little longer while Keisuke slept next to him, you’re sure that wasn’t enough to reassure him you wouldn’t blow up on him. For Kazutora, interacting with most people felt like trying to navigate an active minefield.

Hugging him close to your body, you pulled him on your lap and softly rocked him back and forth; the same way Wakasa had done with you. He nuzzled closer to you, letting himself relax against your touch once he registered you weren't a threat, basking in your warmth. 

The silence the three of you fell under was deafening, uncomfortable even, though you didn't intend for it to be. Kazutora had this question stuck in his throat, sitting heavy against his vocal cords while the bitter taste of bile stained his tongue.

“Is…” he trailed off, still doubting whether he deserved to be asking such a question. “Is Mikey’s brother going to be okay?”

He tensed up at the lack of immediate response. The lack of positive reassurance that he hadn’t completely messed up everyone's lives made the grip he had on your arm grow tighter in fear of you letting go. 

You didn’t. You weren’t planning to do so. Even if nausea piled up at the end of your oesophagus as the conflicting set of emotions brewing at the pit of your stomach, you were sure he needed you as much as you needed him to keep yourself grounded 

“He will.” You brushed your fingers through his hair, lips curled up into a smile once you felt him relax against you once again. “Right now he’s resting, we can visit him in a couple of days, if you’d like.” 

The silence amongst you became heavy once again, but inside Kazutora’s head the cacophony of your words bounced against the thick layers of bone and skin like worthless cries of distress. What he did was inconceivable, and in spite of that you still cared.

“I didn’t mean to,” barely a whisper, the words died out before they could be properly enunciated. They prickled and ached and stung at the walls of his throat. Something he couldn’t name but feel deeply inside his bones stopped himself from vomiting it all out. But mess after mess, like building blocks stacking one on top of the other, they piled up and pulled him down like a ball and chain made out of his own flesh and when he tried to pull at it to set himself free he could feel everything spilling out in a tangled cry. “I didn’t mean to hurt him, I’m sorry!” he cried, clutching onto your shirt and arms, anything he could get a hold of to ensure you wouldn’t leave him alone. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

Holding him tightly and shushing his cries, you could do nothing more than let his tears wet at your shirt, mumble that it was okay even if it truly wasn’t; even if the two of you knew it was a lie. The weeping child in your arms did nothing but pull at your heartstring, conflicting feelings arising in your chest. In spite of the fondness you felt for the kid, the same fondness you felt for all of your little brother’s friends, you had unconsciously developed a grudge towards him, bitterness and resentment for hurting Shinichiro. 

His lashes rested against his skin, casting thin shadows under the sunlight streaming through the window. He had always looked peaceful when he was sleeping, chest rising and falling as if following a metronome’s tempo. You can remember taking long summer naps next to him and the rest of your friends, you always being the first one to wake up. Every summer the three of them arrived late to at least five Black Dragon’s meetings because they had slept in. Shinichiro had developed this antsy habit of arriving weirdly on time yet slightly late ever since then, he couldn’t tolerate the idea of letting down whoever was waiting for him; you wonder how he’d react if he knew the shop wouldn’t open today.

So peaceful yet fragile., never in your life would’ve you remotely imagined you’d be sitting next to your best friend’s hospital bed, eyes puffy and droopy while his head laid covered in bandages. The beeping of the monitor filling up the unnecessary silence that wouldn’t have otherwise been there had he been awake. 

Had he been awake, he would’ve talked to you non-stop, retelling everything that went down to the most insignificant detail, sprinkling hyperboles as much as he could just to appear a little cooler in front of you. But it's not like he had to try anyway, to appear cooler, that is, you already thought he was the coolest person in the whole wide world; though you’d go as far as saying he was the coolest person to ever exist. The sole idea made you smile, tears welling up in your eyes as you wondered if he’d blush once he found out how highly you thought of him. 

And of course, had he been awake, he would’ve been worried about everyone but him. He would’ve asked about Mikey and Emma, if they had slept over at the hospital or at home with his grandfather, who he would’ve proceeded to ask about. He would’ve bitten his tongue to prevent himself from even mentioning the economic implications of his stay, but you would’ve been able to read right through him.

Then, had he been awake, he would’ve asked about Keisuke and Kazutora. He would’ve be worried about them, berated you with a flurry of questions, emotions switching from anger to guilt in less than a millisecond; angry at your deplorable encounter with the police, guilty because he was the one that called, and maybe if he hadn’t, then Mikey’s friends wouldn't have gotten in trouble.

He would’ve asked about the shop, if anyone was there watching over it while he was resting in the hospital, deflating a little after finding out it wouldn’t open for the day. He would’ve asked about Wakasa and Benkei and Takeomi, ask if they were aware of what happened, if they had already started making fun of him after finding out a twelve year-old sent him straight to the ER; he would’ve sighed at your response, shaking his head because instead of making fun of him his friends were worried. 

Finally, he’d ask about you. And maybe you would’ve cried or laughed or screamed. Maybe tears would’ve pooled in your eyes, the fact your friend was breathing finally sinking in. Maybe you would’ve giggled at your past unjustified worries because he was here now and you never should’ve doubted him, not even for a second. Maybe you would’ve broken down, fatigue deep in your bones pulling you to the ground until you could do nothing but lay cold and empty and happy on the floor because you had not dared sleep but at least the existence of his consciousness remained.

But the only one speaking was the wind blowing through the curtains, kissing his forehead and messing up his hair just to give you the opportunity to put it back in place through the insecure brush of your fingers

Resting your forehead next to the palm of his hand, you sighed in defeat; maybe you should’ve let him rest alone. You had spent the whole morning next to him, ignoring any hunger cues alerting you it was time for breakfast or lunch or any sort of meal time that could fuel your body from complete exhaustion. Still, even if you wanted to fall asleep, it was like your subconscious wouldn’t let you. Every time you closed your eyes and felt yourself slip into a deep slumber, you were jolted awake to your own dismay. 

Not being able to rest had started to eat away at your own sanity. Only eight hours had passed, but every second felt like a thousand and at this point, you had become a walking contradiction; hungry but unable to eat, tired yet unable to fall asleep. Your body was failing you, unable to react to any sort of external or internal stimuli, and you’re sure wouldn't be able to cry no matter how much you wanted to do so.

But even then, apparently you could still scream.

The weight of his hand on top of your head caught you off guard. It almost made you fall from the chair and smack your head against the bed’s metal skeleton. Maybe if you got a concussion and slipped into a weird pseudo-coma after a harrowing God-knows-how-many-hours-long surgery he’d feel guilty enough to make up for the tachycardia that had your heart beating where your brain should be.

“Hi.” He smiled, words a little slurred as the remaining anaesthesia wore off.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Oh, I see ‘you missed me alright.”

And you did. Even though less than a day had passed since the accident, picturing a whole lifetime without him was enough to permanently alter your brain chemistry. But he was here now, he was back and he was safe and the toothy grin he sported reminded you of home.

“Don’t ‘cha know it’s rude to eat in front of someone who can only chew on ice chips?” He joked, flinching as the nurse adjusted his IV drip.

You were forced to leave the room after a flurry of hospital staff came running at your volatile reaction; Of course, you were quick to reassure that your friend had only woken up and that everything was fine, before leaving for the cafeteria; giving them some space to work on Shinichiro would be good. Plus, not that he was ‘okay’ and you weren’t worrying about his health every second of every minute of every hour, you could address the sudden pangs of hunger poking at your stomach. 

“I’ll buy you dinner once you get out.” You smiled, scooping some of the jell-o into your mouth through your innocent smile. But, again to your dismay, the mischievous glint in your eyes ratted you out. Shinichiro knew that ‘dinner’ meant the cheapest ramen you could find, maybe add an egg to spice it up, and ice cream you’d eat directly from the tub; a long lived tradition between the two of you. “I’ll even add chives this time.”

“Gee thanks,” he mocked, as if he’d rather do anything else than eat stale ramen with you. As long as he got the chance, he’d do anything. He’d probably lick the floor for you—not that he’d ever let you know, but if you asked he would, no questions asked. That’s what happens when you love someone. You’d be willing to do anything and everything for them even if it's irrational. “Can I choose the ice cream flavour at least?”

You hummed, focusing on scraping the plastic spoon against the plastic container in your hands to avoid his gaze. “Only this time though, so don’t get used to it.”

“Everything’s looking good so far, we’ll do another check up in a couple of hours.” 

Right, you were still in here. Talking like everything was seemingly normal made you forget that you were still in the hospital, watching over your post-op, bedridden friend. 

“Lay with me?” he asked, not before the both of you thanked the nurse who excused himself after gathering the remaining equipment. “Please?”

You shouldn’t, something inside your head made sure to let you know even if the urge to hold him close was overpowering. He had just barely woken up after a long emergency surgery, and you taking up space would be of no help for him to get the rest he needed. But the silent plea in the puppy dog eyes you had trained yourself so hard to resist, the subtle pout and the cute dopey-ness that had yet to wear off were far too tempting to resist. 

His little celebratory cheer made you inwardly squeal as you slowly moved to his side, watching him wince in pain while he slowly shuffled himself closer to the edge in a clumsy attempt to make some space for you.

The thumping of his heartbeat reverberated in his chest, the stress melting from out your bones. You couldn’t help but sigh in content once you laid your head on his chest. Now that you were wrapped in each other’s arms, it felt like you could finally rest.

“Tired?” He mumbled against your hair, breaking the silence that had settled in the room as you basked in each other’s presence. You hummed in response, nuzzling your cheek against his body and almost purring like a cat at his warmth. Letting your eyes close involuntarily, you couldn’t help but be lulled to a premature slumber. With how comfortable you looked, and because your obnoxious yawning was too contagious, he wanted to do nothing but follow in your footsteps. 

Instead, his eyes stayed wide open and stuck to the ceiling as if the off off-white paint that covered the concrete was the key to shutting down his brain long enough for sleep to take over. It didn’t matter that his blood had been infused with what felt like at least twenty hundred thousand milligrams of various pain-deafening substances that were sure to knock him out in a matter of seconds, falling asleep seemed to be an unattainable goal.

Whatever they had injected into his body increased his senses’ sensitivity, multiplying it times a hundred instead of dulling them down to nothing. And it didn’t stop at the uncomfortable overtly bright fluorescent lights or the suddenly deafening sound of unoiled wheels from hospital carts being rolled around. It was the way he could feel you barely resting your weight against his body, as if scared the least amount of pressure would make his heart stop. The way he was met with your now dull eyes, almost bloodshot but not quite, sunken with a thick coat of desperation, or fear, or some sort of premature grief, as soon as he woke up. Or how, in spite of only being gone for less than a day, it seemed like you had spent a lifetime unable to exist alongside everything you held dear.

Hyper aware of all those little details and more, it hit him without warning, and suddenly, he could feel the overwhelming urge to cry.

It prickled uncomfortably at his eyes, the skin around his charcoal orbs itching like it was on fire. His mouth felt cottony, smothering his airways and cutting his airflow while his tongue rested uncharacteristically heavy in his mouth with the weight of unsaid words. It broke all his bones at once, leaving him numb on the ground, still like a corpse, and unable to suppress the dooming feeling of his own life spilling from his pores, mixing with his blood until the air around him turned thick and metallic.

In the blink of an eye he had been one step closer to the grave, barely hanging onto a thread of consciousness as the view of his shop turned blurrier and blurrier, and now he was breathing. His lungs had finally regained consciousness and he could feel everything around him overwhelmingly loud and clear and close and real. 

Now awake, he could feel you laying on top of him, almost passed out due to the immeasurable amount of stress he had put you under. And maybe if it wasn’t for his reckless habit of parading around life with his guard lowered or for the lack of proper security measures at the shop—because who on earth would rob him? There’s no way he could be that unlucky. Impossible. Or maybe it was his inability to dodge, to hold his stance in a fight because even if he was strong, without proper technique he was rendered useless and, holy shit– he could’ve died.

He could’ve died and then Manjiro would’ve been forced to grow up way too soon because he would have to take care of Emma and grandpa—although knowing both his siblings, Emma was more likely to turn into the head of the house. And then his friends would’ve been left to grieve his death, make sad speeches about the best moments they had together and, fuck was Takeomi terrible at writing; his speech would just be a big mess of incoherent words stuck together. And what about the shop? Who was he leaving the shop to? And what about Inupi? Inupi was just a kid and he can’t just leave him all alone; he had promised to himself to take care of him the same way he took care of his siblings— fuck, Izana as well. Who was going to look after his brother? He was planning to introduce him to all of you guys soon. The two of you would’ve gotten along so well and,

And you. 

What about you?

You looked beyond heartbroken. Words couldn't begin to describe exactly what somberness mulled deep within that brain of yours. If this is how you reacted to the possibility of him dying, then how would’ve you reacted to him actually doing so?

A choked sob rips through his lips, the sound painful as it breaches its forceful containment.

“Shin–”

“I’m sorry.”

“What…” you trailed off. The strained cry had erased any speck of slumber. For a second you thought you had dreamt it, that your brain had finally gone off the rails and you were hearing imaginary voices. That was until you looked up at him, eyes welling up with unshed tears, body stiff as if to prevent them from falling. “What’re you sorry for?”

“I just remembered the beach trip we were planning for Manjiro’s birthday,” he sniffled, “and I think we’re gonna have to cancel.”

“That’s okay, we can reschedule—”

“Yeah but I– I know he was really excited for it, all his friends were.”

“We’ll talk to them, make sure they understand—”

“And you were excited about it too,” avoiding your eyes even after you had tried to coax him into meeting yours. He felt so far away, almost unreachable despite laying right next to you. “And I know how much you love the beach and I really wanted to go with you even if we were gonna have to chaperone six hyperactive children,

“And, and I know the guys were gonna come with and we had it all perfectly planned out with this huge dorayaki cake thing and now we’re gonna have to cancel because of me—”

“Wait,” you shush him as gently as possible, sitting up and holding his hand tightly between yours. “What do you mean ‘because of me’?”

Almost as if he had never started, your question managed to shut down his rambling like forcefully closing a water faucet. He had this estranged, far-off look darkening his face, eyes glassy, almost as if he were dissociating. It made your stomach churn with anxiety. Never in your many, many, years of friendship had you seen him lose himself like this.

“Because,” he paused, trying to swallow down the knot grappling at his throat, fighting off the urge to tear it off with his bare hands. “Because it's my fault we’re cancelling.”

“I– What’re you talking about?”

He groaned in desperation. Why was this so hard to explain? 

“I’m the one who’s bedridden.” Still dizzy after waking up and to the best of his ability, he tried sitting up, wincing in pain to then give up and lean into his forearms. “I’m the one with random needles poking through my skin, fresh off the ER because my skull was bashed into with one of my own tools and maybe, just maybe, if I had been more aware at the time, I could've avoided the hit.”

“Shin, this wasn’t your fault—”

“But it is! Can't you see?” 

“Shin–”

“D’you know what I did when I heard someone break the glass?” He looked at you expectantly, voice raised in frustration. “After I called the cops; do you?” You shook your head in response, knowing that any attempt to help him calm down would be futile. “I grabbed a wrench. 

“After the operator told me to hide and wait for help because I told them it sounded like more than one person was inside, I grabbed a stupid wrench and decided to face them,

“I decided to face them even if I'm well aware I wouldn’t be able to take two people at once.”

And though he seemed to be dead set on believing that somehow he managed to land himself in the hospital,  you wouldn’t allow him to give himself up to the restless thoughts, no matter how badly he wanted to indulge the bitter part of his brain that had gotten used to putting himself down. 

“Someone hit you from behind,” you tried, “you were ambushed, of course you wouldn't be able to take them on.”

His defeated sigh gave you some sort of uncomfortable comfort. Knowing it made you glad that he had finally given up was a conflicting feeling you wish to never re-examine or experience again.

You sat up, swallowing the foreign relief down, and scooted further up the bed’s backrest. Your elbow rested well above the pillow where he laid, and you couldn't help but use your leverage to gently brush your fingers through his hair, only relaxing once he visibly melted against your touch.

“You didn’t do this to yourself, this wasn’t your fault.” You whispered, fingertips soothing his worries as they ghosted the skin of his forehead. “You’re not responsible for every single thing that goes wrong, no matter how much you try to convince yourself you are.”

He can’t recall a single moment in his life in which he felt like he was relieved from his self-imposed duty—the duty of an older brother, primary caretaker, and practically a parent. Someone who must put everyone’s needs above his own well-being. He’s responsible for everything going on around him, the good, the bad, the neutral, the everything. It only made sense that the break in and the subsequent series of events were, in part, his responsibility. 

And he knew it was irrational thinking because how on earth would he have known what was going to happen? But he couldn’t help it, not when all the consequences of his actions reflected on the bigger picture; everyone relies on Shinichiro Sano, and it was his duty to fulfil. 

“And I promise you no one is disappointed in you. Not a single one of us.” You press your lips against the top of his head, smiling through your own teary eyes at the little hum he involuntarily let out. “We’re all so, so happy that you're awake and talking and I bet Manjiro would rather move his beach birthday party a hundred years from now than lose his brother six days before his birthday,

“The beach is not going anywhere, and neither are we, okay? We are not going anywhere.” 

And you knew it wasn’t not enough. Your words weren’t enough to shut up the swirling negativity spiral in his brain. But at least it was enough to calm him down, enough for him to fall asleep in spite of the dampness kissing his skin; he might have successfully managed to suppress the heart wrenching sobs, but he was not strong enough to hold back the tears that cascaded down his cheeks.

You follow through not long after, head lolling to the side in an uncomfortable position that would for sure leave your neck aching for days. But you wouldn’t have it any other way. There was no dreaming this time. No nightmares or worst case scenarios crafted deep within your subconscious. In spite of the gloomy circumstances, the two of you had fallen asleep. Finally, being in your arms was beyond comforting. Plus, indulging in the rest your body had craved for hours made it easier to regain consciousness once Manjiro decided to jump on the two of you in surprise, never minding the possibility of further injuring his brother by mistake.

Being on the receiving end of his lovable violence hurt more than you thought it would, one of his hands landing straight on your stomach and the other on Shinichiro’s chest, but you couldn’t blame the kid. Based on what Keisuke had confided in you last night, Manjiro had witnessed both his best friends’ arrest as well as his brother being pulled out unconscious on a stretcher out of the shop.

Beyond a muffled apology, he didn’t utter anything else, like his voice had given in. He clung onto Shinichiro’s body like his life depended on it. 

A swift knock on the door caught your attention, though Manjiro didn't even bother looking up, face tucked against his brother’s body, letting himself relax as his brother’s fingers threaded through his blond locks. 

Emma poked her head from behind the wall, hands holding onto the door frame for balance. From where you laid you could see how her eyes were almost as puffy as yours. They were rimmed with a bright red, the same shade that was splotched all over her cheeks and nose. Mansaku stood beside her, holding onto his hat.

You could physically feel the relief washing over Shinichiro the moment he saw his whole family entering the room. He laid lighter next to you, with a brighter smile decorating his lips. It was like his body had melted from hard concrete right into a puddle, your previous conversation seemingly forgotten as a twinkle of warmth returned to his pretty eyes.

Careful not to let Manjiro fall in the dent you were leaving as you stood up, you beckoned Emma over. She cuddled up to Shinichiro, clinging onto him while her soft sniffles filled the silent room, and you swore you had almost started tearing up again at the sight.

Mansaku placed a hand on your shoulder, making you flinch in surprise as he acknowledged your presence. Like a wordless thank you, he nodded at you before stepping closer towards the bed, letting his hand rest on Shinichiro’s, and gently squeezed as if making sure his grandson was truly there. 

In no way shape or form was it the perfect family meetup—a perfect one wouldn’t entail the eldest-grandson-slash-parental-figure stuck in a hospital bed. But by the way they huddled together, Shinichiro pinching Manjiro’s cheeks, the latter not even fighting him off like he usually would, and patting Emma’s head in reassurance, with Mansaku displaying the ghost of a smile as he stood next to his grandchildren, the four of them gave off the feeling of everything being okay.

The familiar warmth between them left you to watch the scene like an outsider in a third-person point of view. It made you feel like you were intruding, messily glued to one of those fancy family portraits. 

In spite of both your families spending the majority of their lives around one another, you weren’t a Sano. No matter how close Keisuke and Manjiro were, no matter how much Shinichiro and you acted like a married couple with at least five children, you were never going to be one. You knew this from the start, but even so, the knowledge didn’t stop the churning of a deeply seeded loneliness inside your stomach. 

You didn’t bother with your goodbyes. Even if you had promised Shinichiro you’d spend the rest of the day together—pretending to be bothered and reluctant when you sealed it with a ‘pinky promise’ to hide the fact you’d willingly play nurse whenever he needed it—something from within told you it was your time to leave, you weren’t that important after all.

The question swirled inside your skull, bitter as it scratched your bones, as you leaned against the walls outside the hospital. At first, you intended to camp out in a waiting room, maybe join them after you had finally calmed down, but instead your legs had taken you right outside, landing you in a secluded area between the building and the many trees surrounding it so you could confidently retrieve the crushed package from your back pocket without disturbing anyone

Your thumb burned as you attempted to roll the sparkwheel of your zippo lighter, the metal forming uncomfortable crevices against your skin. You had to hold back the urge to bite down on the cigarette you had clumsily stuck between your teeth instead of your lips, frustration welling up and threatening to burst from the seams that clumsily held you together. 

Waiting for the uncomfortable itch to burn at your throat, you traced the outline of the red koi fish at the corner of the lighter, eroded after thumbing at it like a nervous tick over the years. Every time you felt your eyes water you made sure to compulsively take another drag, as if the smoke could cloud your thoughts, mixing them up with the familiar nostalgia.

Anyone would think that after incinerating your taste buds with each stick you burn, you’d get used to the taste. Whoever said it gets easier the more you do it was a liar. They were as disgusting as ever, flavour the exact same as those you had tried when you were younger, fooling around with your friends. It first started when Shinichiro and Takeomi brought a couple of cigarettes they had stolen from his grandfather to one of your hang outs. It prompted the three of you to continuously choke and make fun of each other for doing so until there were only mustard coloured butts squished on the floor. 

Neither Takeomi nor you had really enjoyed the experience, but for some reason, Shinichiro was quick to grow fond of the taste. He made sure to carry around a twelve-pack wherever he went, lighting up cigarette after cigarette in strategic places so the smell wouldn’t stick to his hair or clothes. Not soon after, the rather unhealthy habit had extended to the remaining two of you, who couldn’t help but carry your own packs to satisfy your newly birthed cravings. 

Looking back, you’re sure younger-you did that to be a little more like Shinichiro, just like Takeomi, and for other even more childish reasons like appearing more mature and attractive in his eyes; you clearly remember him having a thing for older women for a while. Sure, the two of you were the same age but still, you felt like he didn’t see you like you wanted him to, and the only way for you to change that would be to gain some more common ground with him right? 

So yeah, just like Takeomi, you wanted to be more like Shinchiro, but unlike Takeomi—as far as you know—you had started buying cigarette packets mainly to share back and forth with your best friend in, what you would call, a weak attempt at flirting. 

At least the cringe memory managed to rip you out from the insecurity whirlpool you were being sucked into, making you groan while softly hitting your head against the concrete wall. Thank god Wakasa existed to berate you into stopping the unhealthily embarrassing habit. Back then you were just a kid, but were you being for real? Were you seriously intending to build your whole life around a man to the point you’d indulge in one of the most common and deadliest habits in the world for a slim chance at a high-school romance? Fuck, was younger-you so painfully stupid to even think–

“One of you is already in the hospital, we don't need you to auto-hospitalise.”

The old man’s voice made you jump, fumbling with the cigarette until it fell to the floor. You tried to hide the coughing fit to the best of your ability while frantically stomping on the lit stick laying on the ground. It didn’t matter that you were an adult, you were still terrified of getting caught smoking by the man.

“Would you mind sharing one with me?” He asked, ignoring the way your face morphed into a confused frown. With nimble fingers, you opened your cigarette pack once again, handing him your lighter when he was unable to fetch his from his pockets.

“You still smoke?” You questioned, adding a hasty ‘sir’ once you noticed how informal you had sounded. 

He chuckled in response, taking another puff. “I only stopped doing it in front of the children.”

This time it was your turn to chuckle, playing with the gravel underneath your feet to avoid looking at the man at your slip-up. Still, even with your gaze fixated on the ground you could tell he was looking at you in curiosity. 

“I didn’t mean to laugh it’s just,” clearing your throat, you stumbled with your words, debating in your head whether you should come up with one of your horrid cover ups or tell the truth. “You always smoked around us when we were little, like you didn’t care.”

You thought he would’ve left you alone after that, knowing you were purposely disrespectful towards him. It would’ve been better that way. Then you would’ve been left to wallow in your own self-pity in peace, with no one to stop you from finishing the seven remaining cigarettes. But he didn’t, taking you aback as he stayed rooted right by your side. 

Had you been anyone else, he would’ve called them out. To cover up his own embarrassment or to make up for the disrespect? Not even he could be sure. But he had seen you grow up next to his own grandchildren, sharing your love and caring nature with them along with your mild irascibility and your talent for keeping Shinichiro on a tight leash. He couldn’t help but grow fond of you, even if most of your one-on-one interactions had consisted of you running away from him before he managed to scold you. 

He had only stopped smoking once Manjiro was born, self-awareness finally sinking into his thick skull as he watched his two grandsons play together. No one had questioned him back then, letting him sit on the couch undisturbed while he read the morning paper. It was only after Sakurako had passed away, that he had started to notice the many areas he was lacking, watching both Shinichiro and you fill the gaps in each other’s broken homes while he alienated himself from the responsibility of taking care of his family. The two of you worked so in sync, he would be of no help—or at least that was what he had told himself.

“I wasn’t the best grandfather.”

“You think?”

“I know.” He smiled at your attitude; snappy as always, the only difference was the way you now recoiled in embarrassment at your slip ups. Using his fingers to get rid of the ash, he tapped on the back of the cigarette before taking another drag. “Thank you for taking care of them when I couldn’t.”

Not even a noise of acknowledgement, your vocal chords had closed themselves shut at the man’s sudden mild vulnerability. Out of all the things you expected him to ever say to you, a ‘thank you’ was never on the list. He was always sporting his characteristic cartoonish frown, speaking to everyone in a clipped tone with pointed words.

“You’re more important to us than you think.” He stepped on the cigarette butt. “That is one of the reasons why I can’t let you believe what happened to my grandson was in any way your fault.”

“‘Sorry?” You mumbled in confusion, his words pulling yet another frown onto your face; did you miss any pivotal points in the conversation? How had the conversation switched from his apparent familial issues to you? 

“I know you feel guilty for what happened, even if you weren’t involved.” He sighed, not bothering to look you in the eye before continuing his speech. “You’re not responsible for your brother’s doing.”

“Yeah,” you scoffed in mild amusement, as if that wasn’t something you’ve been trying to tell yourself; all Bajis share their fuckups. But then again, of course he wouldn’t understand. “Easier said than done.”

This time you didn’t try to make up for the way had snapped at him. And bless the man for being able to read the room, because he didn’t push the conversation further. Deep down he knew you needed the outlet; you may have already cried, but all your anger was still pent up inside of you. And after everything you had done for him and his family, it was the least he could do for you. 

“It doesn’t matter what we believe, we’re always responsible for everyone’s mess.” You scoff in dismay. “It’s like we were born for our families to have a provisional caretaker. 

“So thank you for trying to tell me I didn’t break into Shinchiro’s shop, I know I didn’t, but it's still my mess to fix.” The aftertaste of the words laid heavy in your mouth, trickling down your throat like bitter bile tearing through the tissue. You didn’t like how they sounded; they were too impersonal, too selfish. You took a deep breath, holding yourself upright in spite of the pang in your chest. “Not that i wouldn’t have taken care of Shin if someone else had been responsible for what happened, I lo– I– I care too much about him to just leave him be but its just—”

You cleared your throat, “If I had made sure I knew where Keisuke was going or, or if I had actually tried to listen to him when he told me he didn’t know what to give Manjiro for his birthday then maybe– just…” 

You trailed off, unable to finish your sentence without breaking down the walls of the dam you thought you had finally managed to piece back together. You didn’t want the responsibility of rebuilding them back up, you don’t think you’d be able to do it as quickly as you’d want to. But you weren’t venting your sorrows to the wind. Mansaku Sano was still standing next to you, hands locked behind his back as he waited for you to continue, and though he was well aware of the times in which he had to remain quiet, he also knew when it was time to speak up. 

“Then what?”

“Then,” you swallow, “then none of this would’ve happened, and he would’ve been okay.”

Your body itched for another cigarette, pawing at your skull for you to smother down the tears spouting from your eyes, even if the smoke would make your eyes teary once again. But with Mansaku Sano standing next to you, you didn’t dare touch a single one; it didn’t matter that you had just finished spilling your pent up emotions, you drew the line at smoking with Shinichiro’s grandfather. The thought sprouted a melancholic smile on your lips; Shinichiro would have a field day when he finds out what just went down.

The only thing left you had to ground yourself was the cold metal of your lighter, already starting to heat up at the warmth of your skin. You ran your thumb over it once again, the pattern already engraved in your mind. The habit had probably developed out of your need to be comforted by familiarity—of course the lighter was the right candidate, from its colour and texture, size and temperature, you had everything about it memorised like the back of your hand. 

“It’s a really nice lighter.” You hadn't realised you were playing with it until he spoke up; twirling it between your fingers over and over again, flipping it open and close, lighting it up before shutting the lid and extinguishing the flame. 

“Thanks,” you sniffled, and right after you finished speaking, your voice hoarse and tired, you regretted ever doing so. You felt like a child once again; like when your mom tried to comfort you after you had scraped your knee, or when a couple of older middle-schoolers had beaten your friends up. A child like when the day was finally over and you had to go back home from a play-date, or when your favourite toy had fallen inside the river while walking over a bridge. You regretted speaking the minute you had discovered your voice sounded as weak as you felt, and yet, at the mention of your beloved trinket, you felt the warm giddiness wash over your body forcing you to speak. And so, once again like a child, you did. “I got it at a summer festival, Shin got it for me.”

“I thought you said you wanted to come visit him.”

For a minute Keisuke didn’t speak. He looked straight at the ground, feet planted on the floors like roots had grown out of him as he held your hand.

Earlier this morning he had clung onto your waist while angry tears rolled down his cheeks. The moment he caught sight of you putting your shoes on the genkan he had broken into a run, letting his body smash against yours, and almost making you lose your balance. Both you and your mom had tried your hardest to calm him down for what felt like hours but to no avail. He persisted, begging for you to let him accompany you to the hospital. 

Outside of Shinichiro’s room, it was a whole other story. All of a sudden he had decided he didn’t want to see him eye to eye. His reaction made you internally groan in frustration. Had you listened to your own gut feeling telling you Keisuke wasn’t ready to come with you, it would’ve saved him the stress of making a choice for himself. Instead, you were too weak to his puppy dog eyes and wobbly pleas, and now his eyes had started to water as he tried to hold back his own hiccups. 

“I promise Shin-nii isn’t angry at you,” you cooed, kneeling down to the floor and looking up at him. When had he gotten this tall? When had he grown this much? Were your efforts enough to shape him into a decent person? “and if you truly don't feel comfortable we can go home, I promise I won’t get angry.”

He rubbed at his teary eyes with his free hand before nodding at you, trailing behind you as you stood up and knocked on the door.

“Hey!” you poked your head into the room with a smile, one that faltered as you tried to keep your mouth from falling open in awe once you noticed how the sunlight streaming from the window kissed every inch of Shinichiro’s skin as he quietly read the book you had given him as a joke. He looked up at you, pearly whites all up for display, and mumbled a soft mumbled a soft ‘hey’ right back at you; he looked so pretty he could be mistaken for an angel. “I brought Keisuke with me, ‘that okay?”

He hummed in response, marking the page he was reading before setting it aside. Even after the events that took place at the shop, you knew he wouldn’t mind your brother visiting—he had a soft spot for him after all. The verbal confirmation was more for Keisuke’s sake, who prompted by it, let go of your hand and walked into the room, a tinge of fear staining each step he took. 

Shinichiro grinned, gently waving his way. And though the both of you had always found some sense of comfort in the warmth of his smile, it took less than a second for Keisuke to burst into tears. Sobs wracked his body as he stood frozen in the middle of the room, frantically drying out his cheeks with his forearms in vain. Tears kept pouring from his caramel eyes down to his cheeks until they stained his striped shirt.

At the sight of his distress, Shinichiro tried standing up as quickly as possible, almost ripping off his tangled IV. Thankfully, you managed to stop him before he could; the moment your brother had started crying you were already by his side wrapping your arms around his fragile figure.

Much like you had done the past few days, you combed his hair with your fingers while shushing his cries. It had become almost like a habit, Keisuke running to you in the middle of the day, hugging you close while you dried his tears for him. You’d think he’d ran out of tears by now, but something you didn’t take into account was how similar the two of you were, always feeling everything too much, all at once.

“You’re okay,” you whispered into his hair, “you’re okay, and Shin-nii’s okay, see?” you asked him, holding his tear streaked cheeks and motioning his face to meet your gaze, waiting for his breathing to even out before you coaxed him into looking at Shinichiro. “We’ve got you, the two of us, we've got you.”

He smiled at him once again, though you could see a twinkle of sadness in his eyes, as extended one of his hands for him to take. Warily, he warmed up to the invitation, wiping the remaining tears from his face before dragging his feet to the edge of the bed, asking if he could sit with him in a very un-Keisuke nature; it was unusual for him to ask before acting on his impulses.

Shinichiro softened once he felt Keisuke nuzzling his cheek against his chest. He ran his fingers through his dark locks, and as he did so you couldn’t help but think how his hair kept getting longer and longer with each day; hopefully no one from the school office would call you letting you know it was time to chop it off once classes were back in session.

In between hushed whispers, they talked amongst each other for a while. At first, Baji kept giving one word responses, still insecure in spite of your reassurance, but it wasn’t long before he started to loosen up, giggling between sniffles at Shinichiro’s questions and mocking his ‘honorary-brother’ back with teary jabs.

It was a solid dynamic they had been able to build after years of trust and consistent interaction; your two favourite boys extending their love to each other like they were flesh and blood. In that way, the two of them were similar, fiercely loyal and willing to give themselves up for those they loved. You were grateful that Shinichiro was there for Keisuke as he grew up, unknowingly making up for everything you lacked.

The mumble of your name caught your attention, popping your nostalgia blown bubble. Keisuke and Shinichiro alike were beckoning you over, the latter extending his arm as the two of them scooted over and patted the free space next to him.

He held your hand like you were a princess stepping onto a carriage, gingerly helping you keep your balance as you toed-off your shoes. You let out a sigh once you plopped yourself on the bed, letting his arm curl around your shoulders while he kept your hands interlocked, rubbing the skin with his thumb. In spite of the giddiness warming your stomach, you forced yourself to roll your eyes in response when he teasingly asked if you were comfortable, pretending to be bothered by his apparent clinginess 

“‘Your sister made you try the jell-o cups already?” he asked Keisuke, the younger boy looking up at him through puffy eyes and wet lashes, and once he shook his head in response he whistled, turning towards you as if disappointed. “You haven’t made him try ‘em yet?” 

“‘Came straight to see you.” You brushed off, pretending you didn’t feel his body tense beside you and smiling to yourself in subtle victory when he gulped.

“You should’ve gone to the cafeteria first.” He scolded jokingly, clicking his tongue as if that would help him hide his blushing cheeks that hurt from his own shy affection. Soon after, he switched his attention to your brother, ruffling his hair before speaking, “Remember those jell-o cups you used to share with Manjiro and Haruchiyo? The ones they sold at the konbini?”

“Yeah, but they don't have ‘em anymore,” Keisuke pouted, brows furrowed in thought. His sharp canines poked at his bottom lip, tilting his head up at Shinichiro and grinning. “Mikey almost fought the cashier guy when we found out they stopped selling them!”

“Yeah, I remembered that.” He chuckled, recalling the time he had heard the employee complain about Manjiro’s sudden aggression on one of his morning milk runs. “But guess what?” he sat on his forearms, dragging out the silence to build anticipation. He waited for the two of you to raise your heads from his chest, sharing an evident impatience as you urged him to continue. He took a deep breath before grinning once again. “They still sell ‘em over here.”

“No way! Really?!” The boy stood up in less than a second, forcing you to grab onto the neck of his t-shirt to prevent him from falling flat on his ass while he cried in glee, tears seemingly forgotten. Those jell-o cups in particular had been a staple of everyone’s childhood; you had been eating those snacks for years and years. You can clearly remember the clear disappointment in his face when he told you they had been discontinued, his somberness rubbing off on you.

“Yeah!” Shinichiro exclaimed back, scooting closer to your brother and placing one of his hands on the bed railing behind your brother, aiding you in your task of preventing Keisuke from falling to the ground. The memory had suddenly made its wake into his consciousness after mulling over ways to comfort your brother and coming up empty handed, until he had suddenly turned to his bedside table where an empty plastic cup sat with a flimsy disposable spoon. “Manjiro and Emma got a bunch from the cafeteria to take home, you could do the same.”

You were almost taken aback by the speed he used to turn his face towards you, surprised he didn’t give himself whiplash before he asked you with as much excitement he could muster, “Can we?! Please, please!?”

His pleading words made his bronze eyes sparkle under the fluorescent lights and though you know you shouldn’t, you can’t find it in yourself to say no. You smiled and nodded without a shadow of a doubt that you’d do anything in your power to keep the toothy grin you missed on his lips.

“Does that mean I can go get one now?” He pleaded, tilting his head and yet again putting on display the best puppy-dog eyes he could muster. “Please? I haven't had one in years, I wanna know if they’re the same as I remember.”

“Knock yourself out.” Shinichiro said before you could respond, ruffling Keisuke’s hair before the latter jumped down, ignoring the fact you didn’t give him a proper response before running off to the cafeteria.

You sighed unimpressed, turning towards the man beside you and letting yourself slump against his figure. His chuckle only made you roll your eyes.

“What? Were you planning to say no to him?” 

He knew you too well for your own good.

“Shut up.” With a gentle push you force him back down on the bed, elbowing him lightly in the process and pressing your head back against his chest. You almost hum in satisfaction when he let himself fall back down without resistance, caving in under your touch. “I could’ve said no.”

“Yeah, right.” This time, he was the one rolling his eyes, mocking your mannerisms and chuckling when you smiled, hoping the apparent ‘nonchalance’ would mask his now increased heart rate, and the faster beating coming from the vital sign monitor.

“I could’ve!” You tried to sit up in retaliation, pretending to be annoyed, yet you didn’t resist when he pulled you back down. He held down his own giggling once he felt you cuddling up closer to his side, tracing random patterns on his dotted hospital gown and realising too late how close both your hands were. The proximity made you nervous; even if the two of you were practically laying one on top of the other, holding hands felt like a foreign act of intimacy. 

Subtly enough, you tried reaching out for the tip of his fingers, moving what seemed like less than a millimetre per minute. Soon enough, he took notice of your plan; hesitantly, he moved his own towards you, letting your fingertips rest against each other for a couple of seconds, like he was asking for your permission, before interlocking his fingers with yours.

“You really can’t stay away from me, can you?” he teased, gaze focused on your entwined hands through his lashes as he felt too shy to look anywhere near your face. It seemed that hiding the pink-ish blush staining his cheek had become his number one priority; you were so close, so everywhere, he wouldn’t want it any other way, even if the closest he’d get to you would be through friendly teasing, bordering the line of ‘definitely, a 100% and unmistakably platonic’ flirting. 

In your mind, you were desperately scavenging for any semblance of a comeback, preferably witty and with the same energy he was giving you.Instead, all you did was sigh.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

You blamed the gusty confession on a moment of weakness, likely born out of your depleting energy mixed with the way his hand fit against yours like two perfectly carved puzzle pieces. You weren’t sure why you had said what you did, the way you did; voice softening as the longing you had suppressed your whole life coated every syllable that rolled down your tongue. 

He hummed in response, giddy and satisfied, before backtracking in confusion. The lack of sarcasm or annoyance lighthearted mockery caught the two of you off-guard, though it seemed to have a bigger impact on him as his body tensed up for a moment. If you were to look up at him, you’d probably see his head tilted to the side, with warm cheeks and the ghost of a frown clouding his features.

And that’s exactly why you don’t. 

Not like this; you wouldn't allow yourself to do so, wouldn’t even dare. Not when the stakes were this high, multiple worst outcomes served on a silver platter for you to choose because once you look up at him he would notice the way you see him, like he hung up each individual constellation up in the sky on his own and then all of it would be over for you.

For the both of you. 

“Do you, uh,” the slight shake in his voice made you gulp, like you had an inkling of a very possible question he could ask. Maybe this would finally be the end of your friendship which, to your own dismay, could be very easily broken by other things that weren’t death itself, “do you know if Keisuke has talked to Manjiro yet?”

You cleared your throat, holding back the sigh of relief, and shook your head. “I don’t think he knows how.”

“He’s scared?” 

“I think so,” you pondered, “they’ve been friends since forever, I think he’s scared of losing…him.”

Knowing that both you and your brother’s situation overlapped in so many ways felt weird; both Baji siblings were scared to lose their respective Sano brothers. It sounded funny, almost cute, like both Bajis and Sanos were meant to stick together generation after generation. You would’ve giggled at the thought, explain the parallels between the two relationships to Shinichiro and laugh at the silliness of it, yet the fear that had taken possession of your body the last couple of days lingered at the thought. 

Scared of losing him.

You almost choked on the words sitting heavy in your mouth, like you had confessed to a crime. Had you been alone, maybe they would’ve urged you to cry.

“Hey, ‘you okay?” You hadn’t realised that the worry had bled onto your face, dripping down your cheeks and coating your eyelashes with sorrow until he spoke up, tearing you away from your trance. But you couldn’t help it, the lingering torture you endured at the hands of your brain replaying past events, from the bailing your brother out of jail as he sobbed to having Wakasa answer the call for you, Kazutora crying in your arms and Shinichiro blaming himself for his own accident, the more you felt like losing yourself in his embrace, tightening your hold on his hand. “You left me there for a second I thought–”

“No.”

“What?”

“No, I’m–” you stuttered, “I don’t think I’m okay, I–”

Rejection after rejection, you’ve seen what felt like an infinite amount of his confessions go sideways, and yet he handled each and every one of them with grace. You’d attribute his resilience to the amount of first hand experience he’s had with it, and though at first it had taken a big toll on him. By now, rejection was nothing to him. He could make a fool of himself in front of anyone and he really wouldn’t care; he has told you so himself. 

But you were not Shinichiro, and you could never be him.

You were resentful and impulsive, oftentimes reacting way before you think. You were impatient and whiny, though you tried your best to suppress that particular trait to no avail. You were a selfish, self-destructive being that somehow managed to keep the insecure neediness brewing inside on the down low. 

And you could go on. You could go on because you were stubborn, volatile, melodramatic and a part of your brain really does think you were just setting yourself up for failure listing every single negative character trait that comes to mind. But it didn’t matter because that just further proves you're not Shinichiro Sano, that you were never going to be Shinichiro Sano because you were weak.

Too weak to answer the call, too weak not to try and escape uncomfortable situations, too weak to hold back the urge for a smoke, too weak to forgive Kazutora, too weak to confess your feelings for your best friend even after bawling your eyes out at the thought of a life without him.

Too weak, too weak, too weak. 

Being weak is all you’ve ever known. 

The thoughts poured and they wouldn’t stop, crashing against each other like the same bumper carts you rode along with Shinichiro at the funfair with your siblings. Back then, you were all smiles and laughter, and right now you wondered if the two of you would’ve held hands if it wasn’t for Emma sitting in the middle of you both.

And he was so warm next to you, not pressuring you to clarify whatever word-vomit you just spewed instead of a proper comeback. So sweet as he squeezed your hand to let you know he was there to help in whichever way he could to lull your worries to sleep. So kind as he took care of you when you should be the one taking care of him. Always so him.

You had no right to be a coward, at least not in front of one of the strongest and bravest people you’ve ever met. It wasn’t fair. Listing your flaws from the top of your head would never justify your body preventing itself from spilling the truth just so you could try and grasp at the fragile strings of self-pity to sew yourself back together as unspoken words necrotize your tongue. 

The same way you wouldn’t dare look at him, you wouldn’t dare stay away from him. It’d kill you just to try. So fuck every martyrish thought in your head, fuck the burned cigarette butts stained with indirect kisses, fuck the many nights the two of you spent stargazing in his garden, the infinite amount of chocolates you bought him for valentine’s day to make up for the emptiness of his locker; and the countless times he had dropped everything he was doing for the chance to spend just a couple of minutes with you. Fuck the worn out red koi fish engraved on your lighter and the possibility of breaking the promise you two made of never straying away from each other.

“I can’t stay away from you,” you took a deep breath, “I think I’d rather die than live a life without you,

“The sole idea of losing you almost sent me over the edge, and even after you were out of surgery I was a mess,” you stopped yourself again, giving yourself the chance to swallow down the knot in your throat; it didn’t work. “I was going insane without being able to talk your ear off because even when I talk about something you couldn’t give a shit about you still give a shit, you give so many shits when it comes to me, too many,

“You’re loyal and gentle and charming and you’re always smiling, and it's like, it's like you're absolutely everything good and even then you genuinely have no idea how wrapped around your finger I truly am, 

“And I don't think I’ve ever properly thanked you for existing because I don't think I’d be the same person I am right now if it wasn't for you, and even if I'm not perfect, I- I wouldn't trade myself for a better version if that meant you wouldn’t be in my life.

“So, yeah, I guess you’re right, I don’t think I can,” you let your shoulders sag, like the confession finally burned years upon years of cover-ups and excuses and fake scenarios you had come up with before bed stored in the darkest depth of your brain. “Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to stay away from you.”

Pensive, he melted further against the pillows, letting his muscles melt at the sound of his own sighing. Even if you weren’t directly looking at him, you hear his smile reverberating throughout his body, and the sole idea of him possibly reciprocating your feelings made you impossibly giddy; a little too giddy. It was easy, after all, to get your hopes up once you lose yourself in him, his warmth and comfort. And for less than a second, you can see your hypothetical future with him pass right in front of your eyes, forcing you to accept a premature victory. But as the silence between the two of you started to drag itself out, you couldn't help but reluctantly welcome the acrid heartbreak tearing through your skin.

“I’m sorry,” you tensed up, “I shouldn’t have–”

“No, no, it's–,” he blurted out tongue tied as if your words had snapped him out of a trance, mirroring the same giddiness you had displayed with the same hint of hesitancy, “no one has talked about me like that, I guess it just caught me off-guard.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I don’t– don’t think I'd be able to stay away from you either– not that I want to, of course it's just– sorry give me a minute.” Looking off to the side, he tried to collect himself, clearing his throat and pinching his cheeks, the skin already stained with all sorts of shades of pink. For him, it was inevitable not to become all shy and flustered, the least he could do was bite his tongue so as not to break into a fit of giggles, prevent himself from swinging his legs and twirling his short strands of hair like a lovesick middle schooler. All because of you. “Just, um, just to be clear before I look like an absolute fool, not that I don't look like an absolute fool on a daily basis, but this is a confession, right?” 

You raised your head up in confusion, tilting your head and furrowing your brows. Had you not been so baffled by his self-explanatory question you would’ve fawned over this version of him, giddy and soft and in love with you because just by looking at his eyes you could tell he was looking at you like you hung the moon up in the sky—it was easy to decipher; after staring at him the exact same way countless times, you were bound to familiarise yourself with such display of devotion. And had he not looked this adorable, you would’ve teased him for being so painfully and hopelessly dense, but you didn’t have it in you to do so, only managing to nod in response.

“So you like like me?” He continued, waiting for your reassurance, either a nod or a smile, or any signal that he was right. “So you are in love with me?”

“I mean, I wouldn't say I'm in love but if that's what makes you sleep at night.” The more you stared at his face, the dimples on his cheeks, the creasing of his eyes at your words and the giggle he couldn’t help but contain, the wider the smile creeping at his lips became.

“Will you say it then?” He prodded, moving closer to you, now unable to hide the twinge of pink that grew what seemed like a thousand shades per second.

“I don’t know,” your legs innocently dangled from the side of the bed, trying to win back control of the situation by cutting down on your proximity, and sitting up properly from your half-lying position, “will I?”

“Please?” he begged, cupping one of your cheeks with the palm of his hand and pulling you closer until you could feel each other's breaths. His skin was warm against yours, the roughness of his palm from working non-stop at the shop offset by the tenderness he carried around for you. 

And though you wanted to drag this on, enjoying the back and forth, you were so whipped for this man that you couldn’t stop your nonchalant act from crumbling as soon as you heard him once again let out a shy giggle after he nudged your nose with his.

“I love you.” 

Voice dreamy and saccharine sweet, like confessing to your lifelong desire, you whispered, and just before your lips touched, through lidded eyes and uneven breath he whispered back ‘and I love you’. 

After his own confession, you were unable to pay attention to anything that wasn’t him. All your senses were muted as his soft lips gilded against yours. The taste of the honey chapstick you applied almost compulsively melted against his tongue, and he wondered if like him, you could still faintly taste the strawberry chapstick you had gifted him a while ago; the same one he hadn’t stopped using since, going as far as asking the hospital staff to retrieve it from the pockets of the jeans he was wearing the day of the accident for him.

He bit back a whimper when he felt you bite down gently on his bottom lip, unable to ignore the way you smirk against the kiss once your hand makes its way up to the side of his neck to rest on his pulse point, in the perfect position to feel his heart doing somersaults underneath your touch. It made him want to melt right against you; the more you wandered down his body, the bigger the urge to hold you grew.

His calloused yet delicate fingers traced your skin, running from the apples of your cheeks down to your chin, coaxing you to fully give into him as he traced the tip of his tongue against your lips. He could feel himself grow hard once you gave him permission to enter, basking on the hidden whine you let out at the feeling of the warm muscle enveloping your whole body, drool pooling at the corner of both your lips.

Away from your face, he trails his hands slowly down your torso confidently ghosting the skin before the facade is broken the moment he almost freezes up once he gets to your chest. The blush on his cheeks deepened as you took notice of his apparent nervousness, laughing it off before he continued his path down to your hips, 

He was sure he was ready to die right here in your arms the moment you softly suck on his tongue, his eyes almost rolling towards the back of his skull as you hands grazed his clothed dick. The teasing touch made him groan, the vibrations against your lips feeding the urge to get closer to him. And almost like he had read your mind, you shivered at the tight grip of his hips guiding you over lap until you were resting flush against him.

“‘Want you so bad.” He panted in between giggles, nudging your noses together and pecking your lips over and over again. You barely managed to catch your breath between his kisses; when he leaned away you pulled him in, and when you did so he tried to follow the path of your lips until they were once again interlocked with his. The two of you ignored the satisfying burn of your lungs like the feeling of your bodies close against each other was good enough of a replacement for oxygen itself. “–Waited so long for this.”

He pulled you down a little harder against him, bucking his hips against your. Mewling into the kiss, you wrapped both your arms around his shoulders, perhaps taking too much enjoyment in the minimal friction against your core. The sensation of him rutting desperately against you forced you to meet his attempts for more with an equal amount of want.

“You feel so good.” you cooed, whimpering as he sucked at the skin behind your ear. “Shin, Fuck, you’re so good at this.”

Before he could stop himself, he was groaning at the praise, peppering kisses along your jaw and neck and refusing to come back up to meet your lips to hide the raging blush tinting his skin, spreading from his cheeks up to his ears.

“You like that? Like it when I say you're doing a good job?”

He hummed, though it sounded more like a whimper, and waited no time to pull your face back against his, connecting your lips again in a messy kiss, to, presumably, stop you from teasing him. He took the opportunity to indulge himself, once again tracing the outline of your lower lip with his tongue and nipping at the supple skin in retaliation.

In spite of your own reluctance, you broke the kiss first, finding the way he tried to chase your lips with his eyes half-lidded in pleasure, indescribably cute. You took a minute to fully take in this version of him, his breath uneven and with a thin sheen of sweat making some of his black locks stick to his forehead. His lips were puffy, glistening with saliva as they part involuntarily in an enrapturing appetite. 

He looked so pretty like this, you didn’t think you’d have it in you to control yourself. 

Once you had lowered the sheets covering his legs, one of your thumbs proceeded to draw circular patterns on his exposed thigh, chuckling at the way he flinched before relaxing against you. Gently ghosting your fingernails over his skin, you hiked up his hospital gown until you had full access to the band of his boxers, toying with the elastic but doing nothing aside from that.

“You want to do this here?” He pulled back, eyes wide and dazed with need yet frazzled at your sudden boldness, as if nearly dry humping in a hospital wasn’t bold enough. His hands played with the hem of your shirt, sending shivers down your spine every time his fingers grazed your skin. He looked like a deer caught in headlines, a way cuter version of Bambi, and you couldn’t help but nuzzle your nose against his cheek before kissing him gently, once, twice, thrice.

“Only if you want to.” 

“I do,” he swallowed, clearing his throat to keep himself lucid as he felt the tips of your fingers breaching the hem of his underwear, cold against the warmth of the covered skin. “Fuck, I really do, I need you s’bad I–”

“You fucking disgust me.” 

Like a pair of surprised kittens, the sudden interruption had the two of you jumping away from each other, almost falling off the bed while desperately trying to pull the sheets back into place. In turn Shinichiro tried helping you regain your balance, grabbing your arm before you crashed against the floor, nearly pulling down one of the hospital monitors in the process. 

“Don't you know how to knock?” You bit back, taking his comment more personally that you should’ve. 

“Didn’t think it’d be necessary.” Wakasa crossed his arms in front of his chest, shifting the lollipop in his mouth from one side of his cheek to the other. Standing beside, Benkei held a teddy bear and a lavender flower arrangement, mixed along with baby’s breaths and eucalyptus. If anyone had to guess, the bewildered expression he sported only meant he’d rather have his friend die than see whatever blasphemous activities you were performing. But then again, he probably expected to see his friend bedridden and weak instead of the free front row tickets to your ‘dry humping a post-concussed Shinichiro’ expectale. “‘Thought the worst thing we’d come across was him sleeping.”

“Why did you think coming across me sleeping d’be the worst case scenario!?” Shinichiro butted in lightheartedly, though you wouldn’t rule out the possibility of him actually being serious. “Are you saying I look ugly when I sleep?”

“No, you dumbass,” Wakasa deadpanned; even with his usual unbothered facade you could tell he was grateful for the ordinary banter, questioning his stupidity with a hidden smile. “How’re we gonna talk to you if you’re asleep.”

“Wait, what happened? I didn't see,” Takeomi joined in, panting as he held a couple of balloons that had ‘it's a boy!’ written all over them. “These two assholes left me while I was getting something to eat.”

The two of you groaned at the sound of his voice, pressing the heels of your hands against while Shinichiro hid his eyes behind his forearm. Even if you wanted to be lowkey about the whole situation, sweep it under the rug to avoid facing the embarrassment over again, you knew you wouldn't be able to hide it from anyone, not even Takeomi, and he wasn’t the brightest. 

Shinichiro’s hair was a tousled mess and his skin was dusted pink. Both of your lips were puffy, glistening under the fluorescent lights, and your breathing was uneven still. No matter how much the two of you tried to regulate it back to normal, it seemed to follow the rapid rhythm of each other’s heart beat.

“Nothing happened.” You grumbled, willing to attempt a lousy cover up in spite of your friend’s, including Shinichiro, giggling. Once he found out, it would be impossible for him to let it go. But even so, it took a lot of effort not to join in your friends’ laughter; it was funny to fuck with him—not literally—his puzzled frown as he borderline begged for someone to let him only feeding in your teasing. Still, once he found out. “We were just talking.”

“Yeah, talking about fuck–”

“Wakasa!” “Dude!” 

The two of you exclaimed as the blond tilted his head to the side, making his earring jingle. A teasing smile stretched on his lips as the four of you waited for Takeomi to process what was just mentioned. Knowing the speed in which the neurons within his brain transported information, it’d take a little while.

To everyone’s surprise, it only took him a couple of seconds to do so. You could visibly see it in his expression, morphing into one of amazement the minute realisation hit him straight in the face

“Did’ya– No way, you finally fucked?” And though his lack of decorum made the two men beside him laugh louder and the two of you groan as if to muffle his voice, he paid your reaction no mind other than using it as an affirmative response to his question. “No way, congrats dude! Who would’ve thought you needed to almost die just to lose your virginity.”

“I hate you so much.” Shinichiro playfully complained, a stupid grin threatening to make its way onto his lips disproving his claim. Seeing his four best friends standing around him right after waking up from what could’ve been a tragic accident made him feel all sorts of things he found himself unable to explain. It almost made him want to cry once again—happy tears this time.

“Anyway, now that you’ve got someone to stay with,” you changed the topic, interrupting yourself to fix the stray hairs sitting on top of Shinichiro’s head before caressing his cheek with your thumb, “I’ll go check whatever Keisuke’s doing, I‘ll be back in a sec.”

“Wait no, don’t go…” You had to resist the urge to give him another quick peck at the way he dragged out the ‘go’, and instead, grabbed your phone from his bedside table to respond to the missed messages coming from your mom. “Don’t leave me with these people.”

“Very funny Shitty-chiro.” Takeomi fake laughed, letting himself fall on one of the chairs nearby, stretching his arms before fully slumping against the backrest and looking at you. “But’s fine, I left Haruchiyo in charge, Senju’s with them as well.”

“Well that doesn't make things any better, does it.” At your snapping voice, he raised his hands up in surrender, as if the idea of letting a 13 year-old in charge of two 12 year-olds didn't have multiple flaws. Doing a 180° turn, you turned towards Shinichiro, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. “I’ll be quick, promise.”

“Wait, before you go,” Wakasa interrupted, stopping you from slinging your bag over your shoulder. He took the bright red candy out of his mouth with a pop, using it as a little wand to emphasise his speech, before he continued. “Who confessed first?”

“Yeah!” Takeomi sat at the end of his seat, gaze switching from Shinichiro to you and vice versa. “How did Shinichiro confess to ya’?”

Again, faster than the usual processing speed of his cognitive skills, he managed to string the hints together, gasping at the silence that settled between the two of you as you tried to silently decide who should say what. Shinichiro opened his mouth like a fish, as if trying to come up with something to appease his friend’s reaction before giving up and averting his eyes, pointing at you with his thumb.

Wakasa’s smirk only grew the more Takeomi seemed to sink back into the chair in dejection. “‘gotta pay up Omi-omi.”

The ruffling of bills and the complaints birthed out of the apparent loser’s mouth distracted you momentarily. You were about to laugh at the scene in front of you, two of them waiting with their hands stretched out as Takeomi reluctantly placed the wrong amount in his palm, grunting when Wakasa noticed it wasn’t the amount they had agreed on, before it clicked in your head.

“Pay up,” you mumbled to yourself, “Pay up, pay up? Wait, did you three bet on us?”

“Kinda,” Benkei sent you a reassuring smile, counting the hundred yen bills that were handed to him once again; when it came to money matters, Takeomi wasn’t someone you could trust. “We bet on who’d confess first.”

“And you didn’t bet on me?!” Shinchiro exclaimed, a little louder than he intended.

“Sorry man, ‘didn't have faith in you,” Wakasa folded the five crinkled bills in half before stashing them in his back pocket. “After your failed attempt I kinda accepted you weren’t going to win, Benkei was always betting against you, though.”

“But ‘ya admit it!” Takeomi jumped from his seat, waving his now empty wallet in the air like he was fencing with the worn out leather rectangle. “He did confess first!”

“Hell no, it only counts if it was a successful confession.”

“So the bet wouldn’t count if one of them got rejected? What's the point then!”

Wakasa groaned, pressing his temples with his thumb and middle finger, “It only counts if the two of them understand whatever was done was a confession.”

“But the lighter was him confessing!”

“Takeomi, that was the vaguest confession to ever be seen by the entirety of mankind.”

“What confession are you talking about…?” You interrupted the animated discourse with a question. In spite of enjoying the banter between your friends, you remained in the dark. Shinichiro had never confessed to you, or even remotely tried to do so. You were a hundred percent certain, after all, had he done so you were sure you’d be dating by now. 

“The lighter you always carry around,” Takeomi responded, “the fish one.”

Instinctively, you patted the pocket where your zippo lighter sat, carefully trailing your thumb lightly over the red imprints as you pulled it out. It looked almost exactly the same way as it did during the summer festival. The only difference, aside from the way the metal reflected the cold hospital lights instead of fireworks and paper lanterns, were the couple of dents on the metal and the previously well-defined engraving softening over the years.

“S‘not just a fish,” Shinichiro chuckled, letting himself fall back on the bed while hiding his flustered state behind a seemingly lame explanation. At this rate, he was sure his skin could be permanently stained a pinkish-red. “It's a red koi fish.”

“Wait,” you snapped your head from the lighter to him, letting your mouth fall open in surprise, “you, you meant that?”

“What do you…mean?” Shinichiro poked, voice twisting and forcing the ‘mean’ to come out strained. Watching your shoulders tense up and, somehow, simultaneously relaxed made him wary of the whole situation, like the universe itself was playing a prank on him. And though unlikely, he wasn't ruling out the possibility of random cameras popping up from behind the door or through the window or maybe from underneath his bed with a huge poster reading ‘you’ve been pranked!’.

He had given you that lighter seven years ago, the engravings were probably faded by now, there was no way…

“Red koi fish mean romantic love, don’t they?” 

It took him a couple of seconds to properly run your words through his brain, before his eyes widened in amusement mixed with the mild disappointment his seventeen year-old-self had forced himself to ignore after his confession had gone wrong. “You knew!?” 

“Uh…yeah? We learned that in literature class.” You shrugged with a sheepish smile in an attempt to tame down the laughter that had started bubbling in your throat at his mortified reaction. He groaned at your response, throwing one of his arms over his eyes, the sound mixing with a cry as the movement pulled on the IV digging into his arm.

He licked his lips a couple of times and rubbed the skin above the needle in an attempt to soothe the ache. Stalling, he was trying to buy time before he asked anything that could potentially hurt him. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Aside from flustered and pouty, slightly amused at his own failed attempt, he appeared to be a little sullen, perhaps even sad. It was obvious to you, though you didn’t know why; maybe he was blaming himself for losing the opportunity to get in a relationship with you way earlier. Or, maybe he blamed himself for putting any sort of pressure on you; back then, he wasn’t a hundred percent sure how you felt about him, so maybe you had purposely ignored his advances because you didn't want him. But that couldn’t be it, could it? Less than a couple of minutes ago the two of you were confessing your love for each other, so if that were to be the case, when did your feelings for him start to change? “Did, uh, did you not like me back then?”

Looking at his hopeful yet gloomy expectant features, he appeared so small and vulnerable in front of you, you wanted to give him a hug. The question had visibly caught you off-guard, your brows furrowing as soon as he was done talking. Who would’ve thought that a seemingly innocuous event from your past would come back transformed into an apparent irrational insecurity. It prompted yet another silence upon the two of you. And though it felt eternal, it lasted only a couple of milliseconds, interrupted by both your annoyance and Takeomi munching on the chips he bought at an inflated price on one of the hospital’s vending machines. 

“Do you mind?” You turned towards the obnoxious mistake you had chosen as a friend, snickering as he shrugged in questionable indifference, mumbling a muffled ‘go on’ before motioning you two to continue with a shake of his hand. But at the lack of positive feedback from anyone in the room he stopped himself to explain.

“What? It’s like watching a live romcom,” he shoved more chips into his mouth, “The ones we watch every friday, ‘ya know what I mean?”

“Okay,” Benkei clapped both his hands together, gathering everyone’s attention before he pulled Takeomi into a standing position and pushed both him and an amused Wakasa towards the door. “Seems like all of us are hungry, we’re heading to the cafeteria real quick, we’ll send Baji back up when we’re done, sounds good?”

“Sounds good, thanks, Benkei.” You smiled at him, watching the three of them leave and sighing in satisfaction when you saw the way the gentle-giant punched Takeomi’s arm once they were far enough for his complaints to appear silent. “But to answer your question,” you turned towards Shinichiro once again, sitting at the edge of the bed and resting your hand on top of his. You could see the way he visibly relaxed against your touch, the warmth of your skin coaxing his insecurities away little by little. “I did like you very much back then, too much for it to be considered healthy, I'm pretty sure…”

“Why didn’t you say anything then?”

“Well, I, you know,” you stumbled over your words, suddenly feeling the embarrassment for your younger self was all over you. Why didn’t you say anything? Well, in hindsight, you didn’t think Shinchiro had it in him to use a literary reference as a means of confession. Not because he was stupid, that was Takeomi's role, but because it was very un-Shinichiro. You had been witness to the countless failed confession attempts and nothing included anything as subtle and detailed as the lighter he had gifted you. Back then, he professed his brimming infatuation with an honest smile, the well-rehearsed question ‘would you go out with me?’ and absolutely nothing else. And though the ‘courting’ period included him acting all whipped and soft, he was usually very blunt when it came to asking people out, gentle but direct. 

Although, thinking about it a little bit more in depth, he had always been very romantic, sometimes cringy with the shitty pick up lines, but during movie nights he had always chosen movies with clear romantic subplots, and you can recall that one romance poetry book he kept borrowing from the library, unable to finish it before returning it—at least that’s what you thought, by the amount of times he had taken it home.

When you were both in middle school and high school, he would watch couples holding hands with a gentle smile, sometimes going as far as spacing out and letting a dreamy sigh fall from his lips—he always brushed off the person asking the reason behind his sighing, but you were paying attention to him more often than not, so of course you knew—and of course, you couldn’t forget the many times he had shared hypothetical scenarios with the four of you, most of them consisting of him fantasising out loud the sort of dates he’d like to have with his hypothetical s/o or what he would do for them before being relentlessly teased by all of you.

So, in retrospect, him trying to confess through a pretty much evident symbol extracted from one of your favourite books was a very un-Shinichiro, Shinichiro thing to do, if that made any sense. 

“I think…I might’ve gaslit myself into believing it was a coincidence, didn't wanna get my hopes up.”

“I thought, I– I thought it was pretty obvious that I liked you.” He chuckled, scooting to the side in order to make more space for you to lay, next to him, the same you had done most of the days you had spent here. “Everybody knew I did.”

“Wait, really? I thought you were being friendly!” You let out a laugh, watching him soften up even more at your obliviousness and simultaneously hold back laughter of his own. “Don’t laugh at me! You were flirtier with Wakasa than with me!”

“You can’t blame me!” He finally laughed along with you, interlocking your fingers together and pulling you close until you were squished next to him, and waited for you to get comfortable before continuing his spiel. “Waka’s my best friend, we’ve always been like that, and you know it.” He nuzzled his cheek against your head, muttering the words in the quietest way possible, like he didn’t want to be heard by anyone but you. “Plus I couldn't flirt with you, I'd blush and cry afterwards.”

“Yeah, I’d’ve cried if you flirted with me as well.”

“Hey!”

“I mean it in a good way! Happy tears or whatever.” You sighed with a giddy grin, caressing his cheeks with the back of your hand before smushing them together, forcing a pout and giving him a quick peck on the lips. “I promise I’ll forever be in love with you.”

© 2023 SHINACHIRO ; Do not repost my work. Do not recommend my work outside of tumblr. Do not translate my work. affiliated with @tokyometronetwork

[leifygreeens]

"you said a while back that Elliott isn't "vanilla by any means, but that's a story for another time"....... your requests are open........ is it another time now please? 👀 xoxo @unabashedly-so"

I tried posting this once before but tumblr said “we’re gonna block this from everyone and make it impossible to find haha.” So I’m reposting it and hoping this works lmfao. Anyway, Elliott is a kinky man and we all know it. Here are a few of my own thoughts on how he navigates playtime, per Bash’s request. Thank you! <3

Warnings: Temp play, false modesty, tickling, blindfolds, improper(?) use of mirrors, pomegranates, and ropes. Enjoy! ;)

Elliott likes temperature play >:)

Would stick an ice cube in his mouth and kiss all over your skin, and would absolutely pass the fuck away if you did the same for him

He’d burn candles that turn into lotion that’s wonderfully hydrating AND smells delicious

And spend twenty minutes at LEAST rubbing it in until you’re all sleepy and content

Sometimes that shit doesn’t even lead to sex, and he takes absolutely no issue with that at all

Likes tying you up

Prefers using pretty colored rope (deep red is his favorite) to tie you up with, and sometimes he doesn’t even want to touch you afterward, he just wants to look at you

Something about the pretty intricate knots swirling over your skin does something to his brain

But he’s weak for you, so begging usually works to get him riled up, and he’ll touch you eventually

He adores it when you indulge him, though

And it also helps him in other ways, too

It’s great for when he has some nasty writer’s block

Working on something as methodical as shibari knots gets his brain rumbling and allows him to go back to his writing desk with a fresh perspective

Also fruit kink. Specifically with pomegranates

Similarly to the ice cube thought, but also not

He would squeeze a pomegranate over you and watch the juice drip onto your skin, staining it temporarily, and then he’d lick it right up, because Elliott always cleans up his messes

A few of his own shirts have been stained purple permanently by his fruit kink and his burning desire to make love to you while you’re wearing them

He won’t even unbutton them or anything, especially because he thinks false modesty is hot

Think backless dresses, poet shirts that show off too much clavicle, or god forbid SHEER clothing where he can barely see the outline of your body when you stand just right in the sun?

This man will literally pass away and it will be all your fault babe

Have I mentioned that he likes tickling?

You can fight me on this but I fucking swear he likes it

If you’re riding him, do me a favor and tickle his stomach, just beneath his belly button

You’ll make him come in like five seconds flat so definitely don’t do it unless that’s your goal

But yeah. Tickle him. He fucking loves that shit.

Also blindfolds. Blindfolds are so hot to him.

He’s fine being blindfolded, adores it, but seeing your reactions and how you’re completely blindsided by every touch is just.

HNNNNGGFGF he’ll cry

Mirror sex besties

He thinks you’re so gorgeous and will get so fucking sad if you don’t watch yourself while he has his way with you

Please indulge this man. He just wants you to see yourself from his point of view :(

[just-a-dinosaur-i-guess]

tell about ur aus,,, go on

HELLO TY FOR THIS ASK

i have so fucking many aus so i'll ramble about a few

my latest one takes inspiration from this post and it's basically, dazai takes in atsushi and the akutagawa siblings, but realizing he can't really find a job to support all of them at once, he decides to go and (try to) reopen odasaku's favorite curry place. there are a few issues.

he is Not a great cook

atsushi can only make chazuke

aku and gin don't know how to cook

the place is kind of a mess

so eventually he goes and calls up chuuya and he's like "hey, you know how to cook, can you help me" problem is, chuuya's pissed at him bc THIS is when he calls him again and it's not an explanation of why he left, not a "sorry for blowing up ur car", not any of that, it's just another favor. so his immediate response is "fuck you, no" and dazai has to nag him into coming and helping, this being via taking some random pm member for hostage and specifically requesting that chuuya come pick him up

chuuya does indeed arrive, but he also breaks dazai's nose, so dazai ends up vaguely explaining with an ice pack on his face lmfao. this bit is what i have planned most vividly and is hopefully? gonna be a fic i publish. but also, later, ranpo ends up at the curry place and is like "damn you live like this" and dazai replies just kinda, "either order or get out" but ranpo offers him a better job (that being working at the ada), and while he hesitantly agrees, it's only a part time thing for the first bit. also although i haven't decided yet i think he might also end up finding kyouka before the pm gets to her and tachihara before the hunting dogs find him bc i am weak to 1. found family 2. BIG found families.

chuuya is absolutely fucking baffled when he runs into dazai during an ada job, btw.

"i thought you ran a fucking curry shop" "i do that too" "?? what the fuck" "it's called being a PART TIMER chibi" "i'm gonna break your nose again"

anyway next au!!

cowboy au (btw, they still have abilities) where nathaniel is a travellng priest looking for a doctor to cure margaret who's deathly sick, and he hasn't really been having any luck (he's been searching for months to no avail), and eventually at this one town it's like.. it's late at night, nathaniel's thirsty, he heads to the bar to get some water. nikolai promptly swaps their drinks, nathaniel drinks something really strong and passes the fuck out, wakes up to being in an inn room (with noteably less money) and storms the hell out of the building just to find nikolai petting his horse and acting all innocent about doing anything. nathaniel just tries to leave, nikolai follows, and they travel like that for a bit (occasionally trying to kill each other) before they get the third member of their dysfunctional little party

do you remember that one kid fyodor killed?

this little guy (karma), is a pickpocket who steals nathaniel's bible in the hopes of selling it to get food. the two find him, both kinda realize his situation and while nathaniel is about to point him in the direction of the town's local church nikolai goes "fuck that" and just straight up kidnaps him, and they keep traveling. nathaniel and nikolai are mutually, regrettably, falling for one another, but this just manifests as more murder attempts, to the point that one night, nathaniel tries to strangle nikolai, nikolai wakes up and strangles him back, and when nathaniel passes out he fucking dreams about nikolai and is HORRIFIED. things only get worse and gayer from there and i also think they go on a train at some point.

karma's enjoying the horse rides at least, and there's some other characters that show up though tbh idk who besides this one dazai scene and gin at one point

okay this other au is shorter, but basically: ada kajii. this is built off of SO many headcanons, but essentially kajii's backstory is just the lemon short story. except that kajii never found lemons, bc instead kunikida (his old friend/school friend that fell out of contact with him) reaches out, they become friends again, and so when kunikida joins the ada, so does kajii. kajii works as a clerk bc, like, he doesn't. know he has an ability. Oh Boy Does He Get A Surprise during dead apple

okay i was gonna talk about my eternal winter au but that would be an essay /lh

SO instead!! shiburan au, an au i never. properly named beyond that it's a shibusawa x ranpo focused au. also co owned with my bestie @feralshadowdemon <33

basically, yokohama is a smaller, calmer seaside town, no abilities or anything. shibusawa moves in, working at the pet shop across the street from this coffee shop that's connected to a bookstore. the coffee shop is run by (most of) the ada, and the bookstore is run by yokomizo; mushitaro and poe work there. the members of the ada who work at the coffee shop are fukuzawa (he owns it), ranpo, kunikida, and yosano. dazai is fukuzawa's newest adopted kid, and ran away from home. (he was living with mori (and elise) before) yosano Understands his situation, having done the same years before.

ranpo starts going over to the pet shop a lot, both bc he's running errands (fukuzawa owns three cats) and bc he likes talking to shibusawa. they eventually exchange phone numbers and start texting. in the background of this, btw, is soukoku: they had a messy breakup years ago, they act like they don't like each other, etc etc normal skk things. the flags are a biker gang who are alive and well here, and chuuya hangs out with them a lot. dazai is a bit jealous of them, ranpo knows this, and so when chuuya starts volunteering at the pet shop, ranpo brings dazai along on an errand run so the two run into each other again. they start talking again, slowly bonding again by virtue of wingmaning shiburan

also misc details

dazai and aku are just. they are just friends here :)

aku and tachi are friends!! also higugin is real

the akutagawa siblings live with hirotsu

fukuchi is the hunting dogs' dad; except for tetchou, who's jouno's boyfriend. he has stricter parents.

fukuchi here is a retired military veteran AND ex movie star. his movies are awful /aff

shibusawa has a pet cornsnake named draconia

odango is engaged here but oda travels a lot so they haven't got married yet

ango works in an office in the big city, but he visits dazai sometimes. they are friends

bramcraft is married, they adopted aya

kyouka and kenji also live with fukuzawa!! twincoded tbh

kyouka has narcolepsy

there is so much more but i have been writing this post for an hour SO just shoot me (another) ask if you're curious :D

and yeah that's some of my aus!! i have a masterpost of all of them slowly being built in my drafts hehe

[fiddlepot]

You know guys, I really don't like some fanon interpretations all that much when it comes to kokushibo in specific

ive noticed a lot of the time he's deemed possessive, which is cool and all but the way it's executed will either seem rapey, codependent, or straight up abusive in a "romantic he means well" way. And that's the case for most kny men and i've seen it especially with self inserts in mind, lmfao.

That's not to say that canon-divergent interpretations are invalid. My say isn't the end all be all and it would be straight up ignorant/arrogant to say otherwise, for I am 1. only an adult on paper, and 2. one of billions of people on this big oxygen rock bubble we call planet earth. So.. to whom this may concern, If I don't like it, I don't finish reading it. I'm only complaining because there is a very small amount of content that caters to my tastes on this platform and nothing else.

anyway I'm gonna get rambley now so idk brace yourselves.

When it comes to the topic of possessiveness, especially with Kokushibo, I don't see a lot of people look too deeply into the why. It's just the what, and then behaviors that I personally find confusing. There are a few reasons why the trait "possessive" could work based off of his upbringing at the cost of concerning undertones.

becoming used to or accustomed to humanity again (a lot of ships/x reader works start and end with cracking that shell or finding a catalyst, and so are out of character/canon by default if not handled with that aspect in mind) and not wanting that to be taken away

His inferiority complex stemming from his past with yoriichi, or his childhood being based in who is powerful and most likely to succeed and who isn't

A sense of control and wanting to control (see, wanting to control his fate by becoming a demon or his assertiveness in sustaining the hierarchy)

With this in mind, his behaviors would proooobably, give or take be quite different from stalking since all of these factors are a stretch on their own. Like a lot of other traits he has, this aspect would be multifaceted and multi-layered as well because different factors constitute different lessons to be learned, and therefore different reactions.

Let's start with this: A lot of people forget that Kokushibo didn't grow up around love. We misconstrue Yoriichi's relationship with their mother for Kokushibo going through the same, but it was quite the opposite.

Their father was solely focused on the rate of success and nothing else. If you weren't strong or weren't interested in fighting, you were neglected while your brother received proper training, food, education, and overall treatment. Yoriichi might have been able to better develop emotional intelligence and empathy because he grew up with his mother, who very apparently seemed to care for him a great deal if she gave him a good luck charm while he was thought to be deaf. Kokushibo was never taught this. He saw how his brother was treated and was instead given the message that love and favor was conditional—which is why he was able to make the choice so easily to leave his wife and children when he learned Yori became a demon slayer.

Now factor in him becoming a demon and easily killing thousands in his 400+ year lifespan, and his humanity and capacity for reflection is close to none.

To him, based off of his upbringing alone, hierarchy is order, and control is the path to it. Centuries of serving muzan only adds to that mindset. So it makes sense as to why, as upper 1, he would have the least humanity left—he wasn't looking for love, he was looking for greatness because there was favor to be found in greatness, and power as well. That's why him and Yoriichi butt heads. When yoriichi says fighting to him is pointless and he'd rather play games, Michikatsu finds games stupid because he most likely never had the time for them. Not to mention, having a power as great as his brothers and casting it to the side/deeming it pointless would've pissed him off because strength meant everything if there were rewards to come out of it. It's like seeing someone with extreme wealth go "actually money doesn't buy happiness."

So.. With that part of his psychology in mind, how does it affect his behaviors? I believe he would be "possessive" in a more unconventional way. The message to be received is that sufficient power breeds respect and order. So if we crack the shell of his callousness and allow him room for humanity (much like sanemi did when allowing him to see what a monster he became), what do we have? He won't instantly become healthy. he's been conditioned for centuries to have the mindset he does—what will one moment do to untangle that mess? He's internalized what he's been taught over and over again. No doubt that should be applied to his love life.

Essentially, I think it would take a long ass time for him to "learn" and develop but I've found many people arent willing to explore that side of him. so i will with an upcoming project I'll (for the time being) call "Virtue"

happy new year by the way.

[iibonniee]

Baby It’s Cold (Lee Jooheon x Fem!Reader) [Requested]

I feel like this is one of the first times I've ever actually requested from you and that feels like a horrible sin considering I devour and enjoy absolutely everything you write before anyone even sees it, lmfao. I'm gonna be so unhelpful with this 1K (!!!!) celebration request but Jooheon and cuddles, legitimately that's all I can figure out that I want lmfao. Can be smutty, fluffy, both, idc. I need some Joo cuddles IRL too, if ya wanna somehow magic that as well. 🤭🫣

(I can absolutely find a prompt, btw, if you want something more.... More. 😂😂😂 Just lemme know here or text me or whatever. 🥰)

Also, again, I am so PROUD and excited for 1K! You deserve this and so so so much more and this is the year you get all the wonderful things you've been working so hard for! I love you so much! 🫂🥰🤍

Pairing: Jooheon x Reader

Genre: New Relationship AU, Non-Idol AU

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 998

Tags: fluff, slightly angsty, suggestive, slight somnophilia

Masterlist

Jooheon loved cold, snowy weather. Seeing the world blanketed in white fluff as more of it sprinkled from the sky always filled him with nostalgia. He’d remember days as a kid, playing in the snow with his friends - particularly the girl next door.

“Joo?” As if she could hear his thoughts, she stirred in her sleep, brushing her hip against his as she rolled over. He lifted his arm and she curled up against him like a puzzle piece, humming contentedly when he pressed a kiss to the top of her mussed hair. To be honest, Jooheon never thought things would turn out this way.

Kihyun had warned that he’d be doomed to a life of second-best if he never faced his fear of rejection. After suffering through college life - where he watched her date and suffer heartbreak over and over - Jooheon realized Kihyun was right. It’d taken a few shots of whiskey for courage, but he went for it. She’d been standing out on the balcony of Kihyun’s apartment, taking a break from the chaos of Changkyun’s private birthday party.

“Hey there,” he murmured when he slid the door open. “You’re not out here freezing are you?”

She turned to him, pretty face lighting up when she saw who was speaking. “It’s not too bad.” She held up her red cup. “You know alcohol makes me hot.”

He nodded as he closed the door behind him. “Some things never change, do they?” Once he was shoulder to shoulder with her, he took a sip from his own cup. “So where’s what’s-his-face? The pretty model guy.”

She made a derisive noise and rolled her eyes before gulping down the rest of her drink. “Last I heard, he was balls deep in someone’s wife. Might be dead by now.”

Jooheon couldn’t keep the surprise off his face. “Another cheater? What the hell, do you have a cheater magnet strapped on your back or something?” He immediately regretted his words upon seeing the way she flinched. Switching his cup to his other hand, he put an arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “Jeez, I’m sorry, sweetheart. I'm just,” he exhaled as he pulled back, “surprised, yet, not?”

She grimaced. “You can just say I have shit taste in people. I mean, the signs were there. They always are.”

For the life of him, he didn’t see how he could turn the conversation in his favor. Instead, he followed her example and observed the busy city below them. The lights glittered like stars, reflecting in her sad eyes. He wished he could protect her from the pain of failed romances. However, he wasn’t sure she was even interested in him. They’d spent plenty of time together over the years - with others or just alone. There was something there, but was it enough to justify putting their friendship in jeopardy?

It was then that the first snowflake caught his eye. A speck of white fluff fell from the sky and landed on her hair, melting upon contact. He was running out of time. “Oh, look, Joo. It’s snowing,” she murmured holding out her hand. It reminded him of making snowmen with her as a kid. Of trying to sled down a hill only to fall off it, laughing so hard he went light-headed and nearly passed out.

No one ever made him laugh as hard as she did.

Her shoulders drooped. “I guess we should head back in?” She started to drop her hand only for him to place his on top. She looked at him, brow furrowed. “Joo–?”

“Not yet.” He cleared his throat and looked up at the night sky. He was aware of the chill in her fingertips and the way they absorbed his warmth. “Not until I figure out how to tell you how I feel.”

Somehow, he didn’t need to say more. She just knew. Her fingers slipped between his and held on tight. She never let go, not when they went back inside, not even when Minhyuk made a scene about it. It filled him with sour patch kids and pop rocks. When the party started to die down, he offered to take her home but she insisted on staying with him.

She muttered something in his ear as she tossed a leg over his.

“Say that again?” He came back to the present.

“I’m cold. Hold me.” She repeated as she nuzzled her cheek against his chest.

“Oh! Say no more, sweetheart.” He turned over onto his side to face her. She kept her leg over him, hiking it up to his hip as she pulled him flush against her body. Within seconds she was settled and content, falling asleep. He smiled to himself as he pressed down her hair and kissed her forehead again before resting his hand on her hip. Feeling her soft skin under his fingertips reminded him that she’d taken up his offer to wear one of his shirts to bed. With that visual replaying, he became acutely aware of the way her breasts pressed against his body. How her lips grazed the column of his neck.

He cursed under his breath when he felt the first stirrings in his pajama pants. The hand on her hip flexed with a squeeze of her flesh and she made this little sound somewhere between a hum and a moan. Gas on the slow fire, fully consuming him. He tried to avert his thoughts, wanting to fully appreciate this soft, sweet moment, but then her hips were moving against his. A slow grind against his growing erection as her hand pawed at his back.

“Shit.”

Her head tilted back, sleepy eyes unfocused as her lips caressed his jaw. “Joo? Are you awake?”

“Y-yeah.”

She made another sign - this time a full-throated moan that made him shiver as her nails pressed into his back.

“Mmm. They say skin-to-skin contact is the best way to stay warm. Let’s get naked.”

[insfiringyou]

https://at.tumblr.com/insfiringyou/if-they-werent-famous-and-i-just-met-them-as/1rppr5j62lrb

trueee, but like what makes me love yoongi it’s not only his personality, but also how he views things and he deals with them. He’s not just a really good boyfriend he’s a good human in general. I mean, he’s patient, comprehensive, selfless… I mean this man does so many good things and IT’S GENUINE, like the part where his gf sit on his face for the first time: “with him it never felt like he was returning a favor or performing a chore” I MEAN 😭😭😭😭 most guys definitely act in bed like everything is returning favors, “if I did that you’ll have to do and vice versa” or they do it because they want to boost their ego like “Yeah look how skilled I am 😎” with yoongi is so beautiful because he does it simply because he likes it and wants to see her feel good it doesn’t matter if she will return or not (thank god he found jeongsun because she’s also like this sometimes) and most important he’s honest and vulnerable on the relationship. He’s so emotionally responsible, he never lets his frustrations and insecurities get in the way of things or lashes out to others (specially his object of love Jeongsun). like he was cheated on by his ex he could have turn into a total jerk with the excuse of “yeah someone was shitty to me and now I’m gonna be shitty with the rest of the people because I’ve been a good guy and only got disappointed” or play with his next partner’s feelings because “ugh I’m so traumatized by relationships so I’m gonna use my insecurities as an excuse to be an asshole because yeah it’s you who gotta fix me” (let’s be honest 99,9% of the guys act/would act like this 🤡) this is one of the proofs that he’s a kind human in general, he’s not good because he expects something in return he’s good simply because he is and he knows that no one has anything to do with his personal problems I mean ofc he would like if someone helps him to get through something difficult times, but he would never think that this is someone’s obligation. Also since he’s responsible emotionally I think he understands himself so he would never fall in love with a fantasy (like “I love her because she’s my savior” or simply because he’s lonely and that makes him desperate to find someone and he falls for any person who’s a potential perfect love for him) he falls for the PERSON, the actual person, the human that’s with him… this is so wholesome and I really wish people would give more thought to their emotions to avoid this kind of situations because honestly this is one of the main reasons why people are always disappointed with each other.

Anyways… Yoongi in your universe is an amazing, sweet, gentle, caring soul. I’ll cry myself to sleep every night dreaming with him lmfao

I know this is an old ask so don't know if you will even see this, but this really solidifies how we intend to show Yoongi (and Jeong-sun) in their relationship. I also think, in part, it is why we chose to write his earlier encounter with Kim, who was one of his first serious girlfriends, who did cheat on him. In a way, we feel it is such an important experience and also shapes who he is a lot. You may have noticed him (very very briefly) mention her, though not by name, to Jeong-sun. He never mentions the cheating. He never says a bad thing about her. It is always just tiny anecdotes - blink and you'll miss it. He wasn't bitter about it. He was sad for a long time, but it hasn't shaped how he views women, or relationships. It was just a bad experience, with someone who made a bad mistake.

I also agree with the not falling in love with a fantasy part. He did come close, around the time of the fic 'Stranded' (when he initially proposed to Jeong-sun and she turned him down) and in the few fics leading up to that. He was under a lot of pressure, from the group, from his desire to be 'normal' and make his unintentionally secret relationship work, that he ended up romanticising his relationship in a way which wasn't fair on either of them, and was, in part, the reason she had to break up with him. When they meet again, some years later, he approaches it with the respect it deserves, and is self-aware that if they are going to make it work properly he needs to take a step back and do it for the right reasons.

However, he fell in love with her for her, both times. And she him. For us as writers, them falling in love all over again was actually more special in a way, and I think just as exciting if not more, for readers. I held my breath when their hands skimmed again for the first time...and then both of us cried!

[damnhotmsimmons]

Episode 7-What Doesn’t Kill Us..

...makes us stronger. Lol, kidding. Though why the hell did they changed the title at the last minute (it was supposed to be Pieces of Me), it’s not giving the show any favors considering how 16x06 end up. Anyway, here are my thoughts for this episode

caution, spoilers below:

so a woman is trapped somewhere

are those air vents?

For a second, I thought that lady was Nicole Kang from Batwoman

There’s another victim somewhere? 

Now I can why this has a horror movie feel to it

wtf?! Bailey reciting the bookend quotes?

Emily looking fine as always

wait, Garcia is gonna confide to Emily about Tyler?

nvm, Bailey interrupted them. Dammit Bailey, why did you had to had to interrupt some meaningful lady bonding?

Bailey being nervous talking to the Attorney General is not what I expect from him after being an Obstructive Bureaucrat

Emily being so done with politics and getting after nearly dying multiple times is hilarious

not to mention her confusion when Bailey admits he’s nervous and not liking these types of meetings

Again, why is it always the men interrupting any lady bonding, why couldn’t JJ be the one to talk to Tara about her and Rebecca. No offense to Rossi, plus we could have gotten Tara and JJ bonding

You’re not an idiot Tara, Rebecca is being stubborn regardless of her reasons

Rossi being a dad and telling Tara to take three days off

Emily being dramatic af and threatening to resign with Bailey (surprisingly) defending her

Not the Attorney General accusing the BAU of being “distracted” by the Sicarius case

wait, so the case in West Virginia isn’t connected to the Sicarius storyline?

lights? What is this, stranger things?

“Help me.” oh shit, and it’s in blood

Rossi being a dad

So Tara is working on a separate case, which has to deal with Moose based on the sneak peek

Rossi being so done with Bailey, and his reaction to Bailey joining him on the team is hilarious

“Thank you for welcoming us.” “I didn’t” I can’t lmfao

Bailey debriefing 

“What Agent Jareau”

Seriously, not the bureau taking away their jet again, they just got it 

Bailey is me in a group project

So we’re back to some domestic!Elias, reminding the viewers that he’s still a family man

“I will literally murder you.” Sydney sweetie, your husband is a literal serial killer

not these flashbacks

wtf?! another vision

Luke’s reaction to Rossi knowing about whips

another Reid reference

Luke knowing his scriptures, and his grandmother being religious

so the victim is an ex-convict

Bailey taking

Emily stopping Garcia and wanting to know about her and Tyler Green

Emily being a mood when she hears about the kiss

New back at the BAU Garcia being more impulsive and committed to pleasure, she couldn’t have done that to Luke?

Emily telling Garcia she gave her a migraine instead of a headache with the kiss imfao

“You have to break it off with him.” Emily being the majority of the fandom

“Unless you have a time machine..” gotta love sassy Emily

Emily being grossed out when Garcia tells her Tyler spent the night at her place even if it’s not sex haha

Doug being very sympathetic in the interview is not what I’d expect

his father being a hippie in the 60s was also interesting

so the blonde lady, Grace, is still alive, so far and is trying to help the other captive lady, Ashley

at the sneak peek

Tara sa

Garcia telling Tara to call Rebecca and apologize. I appreciate Garcia trying to help Tara

Not Garcia hanging up on Tyler after telling Tara to call Rebecca

The BAU and Bailey delivering the profiler to local police and the campus 

this headmaster being an ass

so Grace has been there for a while

Not another Elias vision, where he kills his family (again)

no, don’t hurt Grace, and Ashley

Tara interviewing Tawny, surprised she didn’t suspect Elias yet. I loved how she called Tara out for being distracted while praying

oh no, not Sydney confronting Elias outside and at night 

Sydney has a rough childhood?

What does Sydney know about Elias?

Shit shit shit, Elias almost tried to kill his own wife till he learns that she knows he got fired

no, please don’t die Grace

Bailey not in a suit makes him look like a suburban dad with that shirt

So it’s the first time seeing him in the field

Bailey’s dad seems like a much bigger asshole than him

of course Emily would tell Rossi and Rossi seems more delighted to be disappointed in Bailey. Matt, Luke, Reid and Morgan are his favorite “sons”

“Come and get it motherfucker.” Get it Ashley, justice for Grace

oh shit, Grace is alive (barely)

Emily and Bailey going in to save the girls

I got anxiety seeing Ashley struggling to find the right key

Thank god she escaped, moreso that she found Emily and Bailey in time

Them inside the building feels like a horror movie

I wished Emily didn’t go alone to stop the unsub

Never thought I’d be relieved to see Bailey there and stop the unsub

Bailey being shaken after seeing blood in his hands

Elias is losing his family, it was inevitable but it’s a pain to watch

I still want to give Tara a hug

Aww, Will waiting for JJ by the elevator

“adult supper” willifer having date night

Tara watching JJ and Will having a moment, my heart. She’s thinking about Rebecca and wished it was them

Tara and Rebecca deserved to go on a date night, fuck you cm writers

Poor Emily, the attorney general closed the Sicarius case

ugh, Tyler at Garcia’s apartment. Also, the messy hair looks bearable than the slicked back hairstyle he got

oh no no no no no, please are they about to-

Emily is somewhere losing her shit and having two migraines again

It should have been Luke, this is bullshit

So Rossi found Elias in the cctv footage, while Elias is trying to hide and bury more evidence

I swear if this sets up a final confrontation between Rossi and Elias, I don’t want it, Garcia should do that

I had to be informed by @marvelfanlife that there was a post credits scene in this episode. I watched it and....yea, aftermath of the “love scene” *vomits*

I will say that while I still don’t like Greencia, the post credits scene was undeniably hilarious. “Redecorating” my ass. Garcia’s neighbor was funny. Still, it could have been garvez

They fucked on the table? Is Garcia a top? The same table where Luke gave Garcia a kiss on the cheek. Thank god for those books to cover up Tyler

again, does that mean top/dom!Garcia confirmed?

  I wil say that this episode was a slight step up compared to last week’s episode, though I still have some issues with certain stuff like the greencia scenes, the Rebecca drama, and the lack of JJ and Luke in this episode. I don’t know how to feel about Bailey, I guess I hate him less since he does have a conscience, though this doesn’t erase all the terrible things he said to Emily and I wished she doesn’t forgive him so easily. At least this episode has some more good moments to balance out the bad stuff (like the greencia scenes). I was relieved to see some female interactions after having so little in the past. Seeing how Aisha directed this episode also explains the slight improvement this episode had. It’s not perfect but I’m more likely to rewatch this episode more than 16x06

[chososcamgirl]

HEYYY SIGMA ALPHA IYAAA GMMM HRUUUU ‼️🔥🤗 DAILLYYY CHECK INNN TIMEEE YK ITT RISE AND GRINDDD 🐺🐺

IM SERIOUSLY LACKING IN MY ASKS RECENTLY SO IM SORRY ABOUT THAT POOPIE PLS DONT BITE ME 😖😰

IM SO GLAD WORK IS GOOD BUT TRY AND GET MORE REST ‼️🔥 U CAN DO IT I BELIEVE IN U ALPHA 🤞🐺

IM GONNA RETURN THE CHARGER TODAY (and hopefully buy some things 😈😈) BUT GIRLLL I DO NOTTT WANT TO PAY THAT FEE URNENRNR KINDA WISH I WENT BACK AND RETURNED IT BUT IT WAS RLLY LATE AND WOULD HAVE BEEN DANGEROUS AND A GIRL NEEDS TO GET HER PRIORITIES STRAIGHT YKYK⁉️

OKKK THOUGHTS ON LAST CHAPTER 😈🐺🔥

nadnndbMDNDNEISNSNDNE DNENENEKE FUCK DUXK FIXKKKK I KNEWWWW IT WAS GONNA BE MEGUMI THANK YOU QUEEN FOR NOT GIVING IN TO SUKUNA BECAUSE GODDDDD 😭😭🔥🔥 BUT OMFGG??? “‘YOU SURE YOU DONT WANT TO STAY?’” OH MY GODD I AM SATTT UGHH THE PET NAMES, PERSONALITY SWITCH, EVERYTHING OMFGGG I WOULD HAVE CLUNGGGG ONTO THAT FUCKING MAN OMG YHE CHOKEHOLD THAG THIS CHAPYER HAD ON MEEE UGHHHEHHEHEHESK

IM SUCHHHH A SLUT FOR CLINGY MEN PLEASEEE LIKE OMFG JUST FUCK ME ALR HWBEBEBSKENNEND TWEAKING RN CUS THATS LITERALLY SO 🤗😍🔥😚🤤 I NEED SOMEONE LIKE THAT SOO BAD KEND GNAWING AT MY ENCLOSURE AND DROOLING RN OMG THE WAY I WOULD FORGET ALL OF HIS RED FLAGS LIKE I GUESS YN IS STRONGER THAN ME AFTER ALLLLLL WNNENEN AND THE FACT MEGUMI WAS WAITING FOR THAT TEXT OMGG ITS A NEED NOT A WANT 😍😍 ME AND WHO??? LIKEE WHENS IT MY TURN

the ai anon… I AM OUTTTT TO GET U HOW DARE U HO.. 👿👿 but iya.. ur writing is so fire you got your first allegation.. THATS HOW U KNOWW U MADE IT WHEN PEOPLE START ACCUSING U OF SHIT ‼️ guessing ai anon said that out of jealousy bc they can’t cook like you can iya but still.. ai anon i am OUT to get u 😡😡 the new chapter was SO FULLING KMFG IM FILLEDDD (in more than one way)

THANK YOU FOR BLESSING US ONCE AGAINNN IGNORE AI ANON THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEYRE TALKING ABOUTT UR SO FYA 🔥🔥

toge running in on yn… omfg the way I RECOILED. Like I would just start digging my grave ON THE SPOT bc you KNOW I would never be caught sleeping with the ops (unless toge was the op but he would never be one 🥰😍🤗 [please let me hit im so desperate] “‘…but you owe me.’ There was a glint in his eyes, hinting at the mischief he always seemed to conjure.” OH OKAY 😍😍 WHAT WOULD THE FAVOR BE⁉️⁉️ 🤤🤤🔥

Maki going straight to yuta after the fight… OKAY GIRL GET UR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT 😭😭 how is this man still a side hoe/fwb I’m FUMING for him LMAO someone get them tg already ‼️

Sjap toge ily please marry me 🙏🙏 i can provide a good sense of humor, cunt, and lipgloss please give me a chance 🤤🤤🤗🤗🥰

CANT WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTERRR DONT FEEL PRESSURED TO RUSH GIRL THE EDGING KEEPS US UP 🤗😍‼️

Sigh.. guess who’s ovulating.. on their own.. on a weekend.. ALONE… cramping… 💔 (hint: it’s me) UGHH I HATEREE BLEEDING MY PUSSY OUTT ESPPP WHEN I GET JT ON MY SHEETS. I WOKE UP TO A MURDER SCENE. ON MY WHITE SHEETS. WHITE. SHEETS. I’ll never recover from this 💔 BUTTTT I means I’ll be period free for the next month!! And that includes HALLOWEEN WEEKENDDDDD SENNENDNEN 🔥‼️ im doing matching costumes w my friends but we don’t know what yet 😭

I HAVE MY AMBASSADOR MEETING TMRWWW GANG WISH MY LUCK ‼️🤗

LYCHEE⁉️⁉️ OMG I LOVE LYCHEE.. THE OLIVE THEORY.. WERE SOULMATES 😍😍

MY HOT TAKE… I HATE DR.PEPPER.. IVE TRIED SOOO HARD TO LIKE IT BUT IT JUST TASTES LIKE CHERRY COUGH MEDICINE 😭🔥

OKOK QOTDDDDD… WHATS A LIFE HACK YOU SWEARRR BY ⁉️⁉️🤞

HOPE U HAVE AN AMAZING DAY/ HAD AN AMAZING DAY ‼️‼️ ILYSMM BYE SIGMA 😈😈

- 🐺

HI ALPHA!!!🐺🐺

NO UR SO OKAY!! i’m getting to ur ask now i promise ill be on top of them more as well😓😓 THANK YEWWW im feeling much better now so im happy <33

GIRL JUST KEEP IT ATP😭 do NAWT pay the fee🫵🫵 $40 is actually ridiculous and yes prioritise ur safety first over anything🙏🙂‍↕️

LMFAO IM GLAD YOU LIKED IT😈😈 sjap megumi is CLINGY. he was waiting for that exact text since they’ve met like and when he got it trust he was jumping up and down😏😏😏 sjap clingy megumi truther FOREVER 💯 also the ai anon I KNOW😭 eh i didn’t really bother w them i know they don’t mean any ill intent but it was just a weird ask to send like atleast don’t put urself on anon and face it but we ball🔥🔥🔥 thank you poo poo 🫂🫂 also i started calling my cat poo poo bc of you and i laugh everytime 😭😭😭

I KNEW YOUD LOVE THE TOGE BIT😭😭😭 fan service for you but omg the favour is going to be [REDACTED] so yeah🙂‍↕️ i NEED to write a sjap toge spinoff after i finish this one i just cannot i know it’ll eat so hard🗣️ YUTAMAKI TRUTHER FOREVER (i still love nobamaki too tho)

NAUR NOT THE WHITE SHEETS😭 omg when i hate when you can physically feel it come out of ur pussy like omg it’s like SUCH A GROSS FEELING EAUGH. BUT YESS HALLOWEEKENDDDD i’m supposed to go my co workers party but idk if i want to LOL i still have no friends in this city besides my co workers but idk i’m content rn i know uni is starting next year but that’s not until 6 more months😭 but we’ll see

YAYY I HOPE IT WENT WELL ALPHA‼️‼️ I KNOW U DID GREAT <3 OMG THE OLIVE THEORY😍😍😍 yes we r soulmates… ive never tried dr pepper mainly bc we don’t have it here so i wouldn’t know😭😭😭

AOTD‼️ IDK MANY BUT the post used one i do is putting a wooden spoon over boiling water so it doesn’t overflow (idk if that counts but yeah) HBY🫵

THANK YEW ALPHA!! I HOPE U HAVE A SUPER SIGMA DAY!! <33

[blkkizzat]

Hey! Indian reader here again, I'm glad you're having a great time here!!

I remember going to Agra on a trip a couple years back. Taj Mehl was amazing to see. And the history behind it is quite interesting. It was supposed to be a gift from the King of Agra to his queen though I don't remember much of the history. One part I do remember (though it's very gruesome yet romantic in a weird way) is that the king ordered that the hands of all the artisans and anyone who worked on the site would be cut off so that they wouldn't be able to create something like the palace again 😭

One tip I have is that you make sure you're not overpaying for the stuff you buy here, considering people WILL overcharge you when they realize you're a tourist. And to wear clothing which covers you up in public because short clothes are usually looked down upon here and for your own safety too depending on where you are 💔

Other than that I also recommend buying spices to take back with you if you're into spicy food!! Indian spices are extremely flavorful and vast in variety but quite expensive in other countries

Hey!! I just got back! It was an amazing trip! Your country is so beautiful. The air quality in some cities was tearing my allergies up but other than that and trying to cross the street when there isnt a traffic light in sight, I had such a great time! I never thought I could be a vegetarian but so much good non meat curries and other options there. I liked Indian food before going but loved all the new dishes I tried too! Although I don't think I will ever find a Dal Makhani or Chana Masala as good as I did at The 1944 Hocco Kitchen in Ahmedabad here in the states. I didn't even like the Dal I had on the trip up until that point it was so rich, smooth and buttery (they cooked theirs for 36hrs). Also getting to try traditional Gujarati cuisine was awesome!

The Dhokla was so good with the chutneys they'd give us as snacks. Plus I thought Japan had the best service, India takes it to a new level! I never been to restaurants where waiters are literally sprinting to your table to make sure you dont serve yourself. I only wanted a bit more curry once but I felt so bad this waiter almost tripped rushing over to me I let him put on two more scoops! Also feels like I'm back home and my grandma is making my plates cause if they see a dish nearly done and that you finished yours they will just scoop the rest into your plate. Even the fast food places (omg the paneer burger and aloo tiki burger at mcdonalds and butter chicken chalupa at taco bell were to DIE for) were far superior to what we have here and they have much more sustainable practices. I swear I gained 5lbs from all the food lmfao!! I'm used to eating either one meal or two small ones a day and my program was feeding us 3 full meals so I had to skip some at times LOL it was too much food!!

The traffic is WILD in India but its so cool to see. I don't think I would ever get used to crossing the street without feeling like I was gonna die though lmfaooo. Also omg being able to Uber a Tuk Tuk was awesome! Although there was a few times me and my friends thought we would see the pearly gates lmfaoooo. I heard that about the Taj artisans too! The tour guide we had was so knowledgable (he was a former pharmacist who went back to school to learn medival indian history as he wanted to be a tour guide instead). He told us it was because after his favored wife died (I think he said it was because she was the only one to give him children successfully) he lost his mind a bit and was locked away by one of his sons after building the Taj (Very sad too as all his sons fought and all but one survived to take over the throne). Oh yes, haha our tour consultant who travelled with us the entire time would haggle for us if we wanted something. He would actually give us a range then tell us to walk down the block then he would start haggling lol. Loved him so much, he really looked out for us!

But omg yeah I noticed that people dress pretty modestly which is wild to me considering how hot it is there but they are used to it but I was dying haha. It was 100 degrees and people were in jackets and jean pants lol. Thankfully I brought long cotton and linen dresses and skirts and was able to buy some flowly loose linen pants and brought lots of electrolyte packets. But even in the hotel (we stayed at the 5 star Hyatt Regency in Ahemedabad) that was pretty internationally catered (omg the best pasta outside of italy I swear I was so surprised haha) there were Indian men intensely staring at me and my friend wearing tight leggings to breakfast even though they came down to our ankles and we had a long sleeve shirt on too. I got on the elevator to run back up to my room for something I forgot and these guys on the elevator were so creepy. They didnt say anything but I could feel them glaring down my back. I'm glad we knew better than to wear them outside but I thought it be okay just in the hotel. That didn't sour my experience though I did meet a lot of very nice and respectful Indian men as well. Two of them (who were pretty cute tbh) helped me with my luggage on the elevator as I was leaving since I had to buy an entire new luggage for all the stuff I bought lol. Yes!! While in Delhi we went to the spice market. We took a cycle rickshaw there. We went to a tourist spice shop there though cause they seal it up well for travel and actually have premixed spice packets you can buy which makes it easier (although im sure much more expensive). I bought a ton of spices and teas haha spent like 20k rupees there lmfaooo. Mostly went so ham there cause my mom used to live in India (her 3rd husband was Indian) and she wanted me to bring her back alot of teas and spices. I got her like 4 different kinds of chai. I'm kinda sad we left right before Holi!!!! I always wanted to experience Holi!!! But since its today (or yesterday lol) and today is the first day of classes back our school had to make sure we were back for classes.

Here’s some more pics!

[cyberthot666]

ok I wasn’t gonna say anything but I can’t stop thinking about it now. last night my coworker, who I also consider a friend, his gf came in and I’ve been trying to befriend her cause I want her to like me. we’re all 3 aries 🥴 anyway, I’m usually painfully awkward with her no matter how hard I try cause I can get bad social anxiety with people I don’t know well and I’ve realized I lean heavily on people pleasing tendencies so I can feel crushed if someone doesn’t like me even if I don’t know them or like them 🙄 anyway, I thought for once we were having a good conversation and it was flowing. I complimented her nails and then we talked about nails for a long time. I sent her a picture of these vitamins I use. we’ve given each other book recommendations. it had been really slow for the last couple of hours with just her and another regular in there. all I had left to do was clean. it was bout 30 minutes til close and I was sure no one else would come in. I went in the back to sweep real quick and she ordered some food. just a little snack, which I had no problem making. I even went to slice fresh cucumbers for her. then when I came back out this annoying girl that’s a regular came in and everyone started squealing. and I was thinking oh great. I sat her food down in front of her and she acknowledged it but didn’t thank me. so I was like oh. that just told me A LOT. ok so she’s being fake nice to me for my coworker’s sake. cool. got it. will no longer bother her with my chit chat when she comes to visit him. I really thought she seemed nice but things got awkward when she realized I’m older than her and not younger????? lmfao. anyway, her and this annoying girl started talking like besties and then that girl ordered 4 dishes. 30 minutes before close. she also brought two trashy ass behaving men in with her. so now I’m pissed. I had my music playing loudly in kitchen cause that’s how I usually passive aggressively signal to customers that kitchen is about to close. I brought all the food out to annoying girl and she was polite & thanked me. then an order for like 3 big dishes rang in but they were all spelled wrong & I was like wtf and walked back out to the coworker I’ve been having a weird situationship with and both his brothers and another guy who works with us all hanging out at the bar. so now there’s like 10 people in the dining room being rambunctious af bout 10-15 minutes before close and the shelf we’ve been asking to be fixed for months just collapsed for the 100th time so I started getting pissed off and didn’t even talk to him. all I said was hi & bye and you could tell I was upset. after I was off I went to the dive bar behind us to play pool with some of the girls I work with and that coworker’s gf was at the bar the moment I walked in and I said hi :) really nicely and then later when he got there they were being weird in a corner by themselves. I was going to say bye as we were walking out but he just looked at me then looked away. I was like damn. is she mad I went to grab him extra sour cream for his lunch earlier or? I do little favors like that for everyone I work with. idk I was just trying to figure out what it is I did but maybe she’s just one of those girls that sees competition in every other woman idk. but anyway I’ll know not to waste my efforts anymore bc I really don’t respect people who can’t at least thank their server when they drop them food. that’s a huge red flag to me especially considering she also works in a restaurant.

[thatpunkmaximoff]

Story: 5 out of 5 Smut: 0 out of 5

Wow!

You know how sequels are usually dreaded because they never live up to the first? Well let me just say that this book did! Hell, it might even be better than the first!

I love how you get the story told from Millie’s POV in part one, and then in part two you get to hear from the housewife she’s trying to help before going back to Millie.

This book is wonderfully written and these twists are amazing. I didn’t think I would be surprised after book one, but I’m happy to say that I was!

I don’t know how I’m gonna wait half a year for the next installment. I need to see how Millie handles helping out the wives after what Wendy put her through.

Now here are my ramblings thoughts…

* “Tonight, I will be murdered.” // “It all started with a simple cleaning job. And now it might end with my blood being mopped off the cabin floor.”

* Amber is such a bitch. I’m glad her baby called Millie ‘mama’ lmao. She’s totally fired tho 😂

* Who tf is stalking Millie?

* Aww. Her and Enzo actually had a relationship before her move to New York! I’m so sad it didn’t work out.

* So Xavier is the creepy neighbor who knows Millie’s name even though she never told him.. 🤔 Suspicious. Very suspicious.

* Okay, I’m officially annoyed as fuck by Millie. Girl, it’s none of your damn business what goes on between a man and wife. Get in, do your job, and get out. Don’t ask questions.

* Knew Xavier was a creep.

* How convenient that the cops found a shit load of drugs in Xavier’s apartment. I have a feeling whoever is driving this black car with a cracked headlight did Millie a favor. IS IT ENZO?!

* Oh shit. Did Douglas beat the shit out of his wife..?

* How the fuck did Douglas even know about Millie if her housekeeping ad never went live…?!

* A friend gave WENDY her number?! Wendy totally knows Millie can help. Or not, if this mysterious friend didn’t tell her exactly how Millie can help.

* Ahh. Okay. So it was a previous client that helped her get away from her abusive husband. So that’s why Wendy had her called in.

* Okay, so… Wendy have Millie a very expensive bracelet to pawn because she hates it. And Millie dumbly took it, and kept it. Now Wendy SUDDENLY has this grand plan to escape her abusive husband. This feels icky. I’m starting to think the situation is not as it seems 🤔

* I do not like Brock and his urgency to settle down. I really miss Enzo lol.

* IT’S ENZO! I FUCKING KNEW IT! Oh my god, I’m so happy 😭

* You’re so fucking stupid! Why would you tell Enzo to stop watching out for you!? Oh my god 🤦🏻‍♀️ Now I want Douglas to kick your ass.

* Wendy’s back? She was a little too quickly, no? 🤔

* Did you seriously just shoot him?! Now your fingerprints are all over that gun. You’re so stupid, Millie!

* What the fuck!!!! Lmao. I knew that Wendy bitch couldn’t be trusted. Wtf!!!

* The man Millie shot isn’t Douglas?? I’m so fucking confused. And I knew Brock was a pussy! She needs to call Enzo asap.

* Soooo, Wendy’s a cunt. I don’t even wanna hear her side of the story lol. How dare she set up Millie like that.

* Douglas was a hopeless nerd? And a shit ton of money at his disposal?! And Wendy hated that!? Wtf. That’s the perfect man 🤦🏻‍♀️

* Wow. Wendy. You’re such a hoe.

* Holy shit. Douglas knew about the affair 😂

* Fuck! That wasn’t Douglas choking Wendy out, it was her affair partner Russell! And Millie shot him with blanks!!! Holy fuck.

* That really murdered her husband. What a cunt.

* He cut her out of the will!!!! Lmfao. She murdered him for nothing 😂

* Marybeth?! Russell’s wife!!! Lol. Oh I love this.

* Goddamn. It was Millie all along 😨

[beef-fajitas]

die. i dont know what to say. i genuinely got tears in my eyes after seeing this. this is the sweetest most awesomest thing that anyone has ever done for me. wtf. im gonna be thinking about this for. a long time.

[JKLDSJFKLDSJFDLSK BRICK THE PLOT TWIST AT THE END HEHEHEHHE] I LOVE MY PLOT TWISTS!

[THE NICKNAMES THEY CALL EACH OTHER STANDS OUT IN A WAY ITS SO SWEET] WAIT RLLY?? I WAS LWKY INSECURE ABT IT- I THOUGHT IT STOOD OUT IN A BAD WAY.

[your so good at parallels YOU DONT EVEN REALIZE IT SOMETIMES LOL U REMEMBERED JAY SAYING THAT IN S4 REALLY SMART ( CLICKS TONGUE )] IM GIGGLING HELPPPP ITS LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE VOICELINES INA LL OF NINJAGO I COULD NEVER FORGET IT NOT IN A MILLION YEARS. THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭😭

[THE DETAILS WERE GOOD gooo with the flow of the story wasn't hard not expecting any less ofc :] ] im always so nervous abt the flow of the story whenever i write. hearing this. augh.

[HHSDHFSDKF THE HAND PLACEMENTS?? COLE UNINTENTIONALLY SAYING SOMETHING WITHOUT MEANING TOO IS SO IN CHARECTER LMAO SUCH A MAN] HAND PLACEMENTS MY BELOVED <333 IMO COLE GETS SO EXCITED ABT KAI HE SOMETIMES FORGETS THAT HIS WORDS ACTUALLY HAVE MEANING.

[i didnt expect the tension that came but i absolutely ate it up. ATE.] wait there was tension..? /genq im being so fr here, a lot of the time im not even aware of what im writing, it just kinda ~appears~ on the page and i just edit it to fit the general story.

[HFDSKLDS THE MISUNDERSTANDING EATING EVEN MORE] I HATE THE MISUNDERSTANDING TROPE BUT ITS A GOOD PLOT DRIVER ☹️

["deciding to give him a chance" that means alloooooot. SDFJKDLSFJKDSL] listen. if i have the misunderstanding, you just KNOW i gotta have communication. im not willing to let it go further than a couple minutes of confusion. i just cant. they gotta talk it out.

[AND THEN COLE BEING HONEST WAS JUST AWESOME. LIKE THE THINGS COLE SAID. UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT. IT WAS WRITTEN ACCURATELY FOR THE STORY OF THE BFS..... NOT TO MENTION KAI CRYING??] like i was saying earlier, sometimes he forgets his words have meaning. but when he realizes? oh god. prepare to cry your eyes out. aND KAI DID LMFAO. (so what if its a little bit of projection... kai cries, okay?) but im really glad to hear it was accurate :3

[its so realistic and yaoi at the same time.] i need it to be both. it needs to be realistic enough where i feel like im actually writing something, and yaoi enough to feed the fandom monster in me. glad to hear it worked out in my favor!

["I love you so damn much" YOUR DONE. GET OUTTA HERE] SHUT THE HELL UPPPPP UR SO SWEET I CANTTT

[smiling reading them hug they deserve it /srs] if it were up to me, all the ninja would hug all the time. they all deserve (and need) it so much more than they admit. /srs (maybe... just maybe... i may... write a fic about it... not anytime soon ofc, i need to finish the one im on rn and then im gonna collab w someone for another kai fic, but maybe after all of that..? 🤫🧏‍♂️)

[THE "YOU ASSHOLE" GOT ME LMAOOOO THE PLOT TWIST WE DIDNT KNOW BUT NEEDED] THANK YOU, THANK YOU *TAKES A BOW* ILL BE HERE ALL NIGHT !! (ill be here all night in yaoi hell because god fucking dammit i need to finish my kai birthday fic thats actually lava)

[the making out at the end sigh typical yaoi couple :// /aff] typical yaoi couple 🙄🙄 (as if i didnt make them kiss.. i feel like a kid smashing my two toys faces together if that makes sense)

[WHOOPS I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE IT THIS LONG ( HALF SERIOUS ) i enjoyed it btw.] THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THIS SO LONG!!!! GENUINELY HAD A BLUSH ON MY FACE THE ENTIRE TIME ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY. ILYSM DIE <3 /P I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU IN RETURN BUT IDK WHAT

@beef-fajitas promoting this and commenting about it. so normally. first of all lava shippers read this fiction if you want some precious cole and kai time...

JKLDSJFKLDSJFDLSK BRICK THE PLOT TWIST AT THE END HEHEHEHHE THE NICKNAMES THEY CALL EACH OTHER STANDS OUT IN A WAY ITS SO SWEET your so good at parallels YOU DONT EVEN REALIZE IT SOMETIMES LOL U REMEMBERED JAY SAYING THAT IN S4 REALLY SMART ( CLICKS TONGUE ) THE DETAILS WERE GOOD gooo with the flow of the story wasn't hard not expecting any less ofc :] HHSDHFSDKF THE HAND PLACEMENTS?? COLE UNINTENTIONALLY SAYING SOMETHING WITHOUT MEANING TOO IS SO IN CHARECTER LMAO SUCH A MAN i didnt expect the tension that came but i absolutely ate it up. ATE. HFDSKLDS THE MISUNDERSTANDING EATING EVEN MORE "deciding to give him a chance" that means alloooooot. SDFJKDLSFJKDSL AND THEN COLE BEING HONEST WAS JUST AWESOME. LIKE THE THINGS COLE SAID. UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT. IT WAS WRITTEN ACCURATELY FOR THE STORY OF THE BFS..... NOT TO MENTION KAI CRYING?? its so realistic and yaoi at the same time. "I love you so damn much" YOUR DONE. GET OUTTA HERE smiling reading them hug they deserve it /srs THE "YOU ASSHOLE" GOT ME LMAOOOO THE PLOT TWIST WE DIDNT KNOW BUT NEEDED the making out at the end sigh typical yaoi couple :// /aff WHOOPS I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE IT THIS LONG ( HALF SERIOUS ) i enjoyed it btw.

[astelren]

OP to you being clueless to their flirting/feelings I

ೃ⁀➷ TW/CW: Fluff, Nothing much tbh, A little bit of Teasing, Gender Neutral Reader, let me know if I need to add more TW/Tags ♡ Minors please interact with me only by liking or reblogs. ➳ Characters: Ace D. Portgas, Luffy D. Monkey, Sabo, Zoro Roronoa, Sanji Vinsmoke, Izo, Cavendish, Rayleigh, Trafalgar Law

⤠ Part II ⤟ One Piece Masterlist ⤠ Cbat Song⤟

I wrote this when I wasnt that well so if some stuff sounds/seems weird I'm sorry, I tried my best to correct it HAHAHA I need to write more about one piece sob,,,,

Ace and Luffy are the worst for the mere reason that they are straightforward. A lot. Like they both clearly stated that they like you in a more romantic sense when you stated that you two were friends, but if you somehow still didn't get the hint they would be clueless about what to do other than scream their love. Ace would be a lot more flirty and teasing than Luffy, mostly because the latter isn't interested in it lmfao. Also Luffy is oblivious too, he isn't that interested in having a love relationship, while Ace not at all, and would notice things pretty quickly.

Sabo isn't that bad. But I feel like he could be quite oblivious too, making the situation both funny and annoying to everyone else. You both like each other, flirt even, but still convinced that the other is just being friendly koala is screaming into her pillow please. Luckily Sabo braincells would connect and realize what has been happening for a while, also thanks to Koala, so everything is well. Kind of. He has no idea how to make you realize his feelings without screaming like the other two

Zoro is both oblivious and straightforward. He lives in his own world of training, not noticing it your flirting or his own until it's too late. Drives him a little bit insane how oblivious you are even if he thought it made things pretty clear; he likes you and wants to take your relationship further, but maybe his wording wasn't the best and you misunderstood... Somehow.

You just think that Sanji is being, you know, Sanji. So you don't think too much about it. Expect the fact that he is being much worse when it's about you; he knows your favorite food, drink, book and he is always, always thriving for your attention and praise. Not also very shy about it, will remind you time and time again that he likes you. Without batting an eye. Maybe tearing a little bit considering how you constantly reject his feelings by calling him friends, although you didn't mean it

I like to think that Izo is into a more traditional way of courting, so your misunderstanding of his gestures is pretty normal, considering that they both be seen as platonic and romantic. However, he is gonna make stuff pretty clear soon while slightly teasing you, finding your obliviousness simply adorable. He won't mind it that much, using it mostly to tease just a tiny bit. A tiny bit he says, lying.

My sweet boy Cavendish is so confused and perplexed. He honestly thought it was pretty clear, considering how clearly he favors you over anyone else. Not that he minds it, he finds it as a battle to make you understand his feelings, and it's a good excuse to pamper you with gifts and affection. Like the dude would propose to you to be his partner like he's asking your hand in marriage, he is not subtle by any means. Probably took the word out of his dictionary.

Rayleigh is a fucker. He noticed how completely oblivious you are to his flirting right from the start and he is amused by it, loving to tease you and make you question what his action actually means. He doesn't do it with malice and would clarify pretty quickly his feelings, waiting for you to get embaressed over the situation with a smirk.

Poor Trafalgar has no idea how to work in this situation. You can literally hear the gear in his brain trying to work out, because, in all honesty, he thought his feelings were all over the place. He's glad that it isn't the case, but he has no idea how to confess his feelings without secondhand embarrassment. Especially with how many times you have called him a dear friend in his face, ignoring his groan and grunt.

This work belongs to @/astelren, do not repost, translate, copy, rewrite or share on tiktok without my permission. Reblogs are appreciated and encouraged♡

[miekasa]

Mie, I’m begging for some Jean college au bf hcs - im literally so down bad for this man and the way you write men is just 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻

Absolutely, not a problem 😌 I saved this ask as a draft a while ago when you sent it, sorry for just now getting to it. Anyway, I love Jean with my whole heart, best boy, best boyfriend <33

King of forehead kisses, and not even just because of his height in comparison to yours; he just likes it. He likes the feeling of pressing his lips against your skin, and making you feel safe.

Brings you tea or coffee however you like it every day without fail. If he can get it to you in the morning before work/school then he’ll do that, if not he’ll meet you some time in the middle of the day to drop it off. Your own personal courier just for drinks.

He… has a thing for long(er) nails. He loves the feeling of them against his skin, even if you’re not scratching to apply pressure—just you holding his hand them grazing his skin is enough for him.

That being said, he will pay for you to get your nails done. Actually, he’ll pay for… almost anything you want, but the nails benefit him as much as they do you so feel free to ball out.

He never blowdries his hair because he doesn’t... know how to do the back of it. You did it for him once and he hasn’t stopped thinking about it since, but he’s also too embarrassed to ask you to do/style it again.

On the subject of hair, he does do his best to style it and take care of it, but he’s a sucker whenever you play with it. Sometimes he feigns like you’re messing up all his hard work, but he’ll literally crane his head into your touch. He loves it. 

The first time he lays on top of you and you run your hands through his hair... top 10 most euphoric moments of his life. He tries to fight off the sleep threatening to take over him, but it’s futile. Give it 15 minutes at most before he’s knocked out like a baby. 

Dogs love him. Anytime you’re in a park or just taking a walk and there’s a dog around, it’ll come up to him and he looks adorable leaning down to pet it. He loves dogs, too! So he’s always happy to stop and pet them. He’d be a 10/10 dog dad. 

Has your name saved in his phone with two hearts at the end. Do not point it out.

Loves taking pictures together and if you guys are on a date, he’ll ask someone to get a picture for him. He just likes having them to look back on (and to send to his mom, later).

He doesn’t mind painting classes or videos or tutorials, but he hates paint by numbers kits. He claims that they have no sense of color theory and that it takes the originality and fun out of painting. Not to mention the quality of the paints isn’t great to begin with; all of which he takes very seriously.

It’s pretty cute actually, to see him get worked up over the paint kits. He claims that painting and drawing isn’t even something he takes “that seriously,” it’s just a hobby for him (one he’s insanely good at); but in moments like these, you can tell that he’s way more into art and art theory and history than he lets on. 

Huge movie guy, from animated movies to martial arts movies, Jean is usually willingly to give anything a watch at least once. When he’s high, he can go on about his favorite directors and art styles and movie details for hours if you don’t stop him. It’s super cute. Just don’t bring up Moana, because he’ll start crying. 

Arm around the shoulder kind of boyfriend for sure. It’s a casual way of keeping you near him and letting everyone know that you guys are together. Plus it allows for him to easily pull you into him for a quick forehead kiss when needed.

Listen. If you hug his arm, he’s on cloud nine. He tries to be nonchalant about it but he’s about three seconds away from his eyes rolling back in his head it feels that good to him. Bonus if you lean your head on his bicep a little—then he’s a goner.

He takes his bagels very seriously and believes that both you and him deserve nothing but the best quality bagels. He’ll grumble if a bakery gives you guys a less than favorable one and make a note that taking the long route to get to his favorite place is much more worth it.

Always makes you walk on the side furthest from the cars. If he notices you’re not, he’ll just shuffle behind you until he’s shouldering the street and you’re on the inside. 

He grew up on a kind of modern ranch situation; not exactly all the way in the countryside, but not isolate from the city, either. Because of this, he knows how to ride horses, take care of smaller farm animals, tend to plants, and yes he knows how to use a lasso. You wouldn’t know any of that though, because he never ever talks about it. The only way you find out is when he takes you to visit his mom’s house for the first time, and she asks him for a hand around the place. 

(He’s got a cowboy hat, too, but refuses to put it on. He got it when he was, like, nine, okay, leave him alone). 

When he thinks you look tired, he’ll wrap his arms around your shoulders to hug you. It’s usually followed up with a kiss to your head, and a promise that you guys will go home soon and get food on the way. 

He’s a really good cook. He just understands and flavors and pairings really well, so he doesn’t need a recipe to make something that tastes good; he just kind of knows what to add to get the balance he’s looking for. 

Naturally, he’ll cook for you. Especially if he finds out that you haven’t eaten all day/in a long time. He doesn’t care if it’s 11pm and it might seem excessive to make steak and potatoes with a side salad at this hour, he’s gonna do it to make sure you eat, and you are going to sit there and watch. 

He also bakes pretty well, though he isn’t as experimental with his baking as he is with his cooking. He usually sticks to what he knows, and it’s not cupcakes and brownies and cakes; he’s better at croissants, and cheesecakes, and canelés. 

Dating Jean means getting along with his friends. If you guys didn’t know each other before you started dating, be prepared to be ambushed by Connie and Sasha (after Jean stops hiding you away and gives them the green light lmfao). Neither of them waste time with the small talk and formalities; straight into mini golfing and beer pong. They make you feel welcome right away.

Sasha always teases that you’re too good for Jean, and that she might just steal you away for herself some day. Sasha is also Jean’s main confidant, so she really knows just how much he loves you, and yeah, she teases him for being lovesick, but really she’s happy for Jean. And proud of him for facing his feelings like this. 

Connie adores you, and you know he trusts you when he starts going to you for advice/help. Could be anything from schoolwork, to what color he should get his new shoes in. He’s also the one who, surprisingly, you have the sentimental talks with about your relationship with Jean. It’s easy to overlook, but Connie loves Jean, and he’s come to love you too; he just wants you both to be happy, so he’s there to listen when you need it. 

Jean waits outside of your classroom after you’ve had a test or presentation, usually with a drink or a snack, or the promise of taking you out as a treat. Always tells you he’s proud of you, and is there to comfort you if you think you didn’t do too well. 

He does not shut up about whatever major you’re in. It could be the same as his; it could be the complete opposite as his. He thinks it’s so sick that you’re doing it, you make it look cooler, you make it look better, and he’s certain you’re the smartest person in your program. 

He’s pretty serious about his studies, too, so he’s always down to study with you in the library whenever you’re both free. More often than not, he shows up after you, usually with food or extra chargers. He greets you with a kiss on the forehead, and asks you how you are while massaging your shoulders gently. If it’s been a while since you took a break, that’s the first item on the list, after that, he gets to work and stays with you until you’re ready to go, even if he doesn’t have as much work to do. 

He always sits across from you. This goes for when you’re in the library, or out to eat at a restaurant; Jean loves sitting across from you. He gets to see your face the best that way, and he adores looking into your eyes when you talk. 

He’s not... not a morning person. He’s not up at 6am ready to grind, but he wakes up before noon; let’s say 10am is his happy medium. That being said, if you wake up before him, regardless of the time, there’s a 9/10 chance he’ll lay on your back and tell you to hush so you guys can sleep for 10 more minutes. 

If you’re (close) friends with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, Jean is... happy you’ve got people to rely on, but, “Of all people on the planet, you put your trust in Jaeger?” He acts so bitter (because he is), but deep down inside, he’s glad you have Eren to rely on if you need to. 

(Also, you have to humble him and remind him that he and Eren aren’t all that different. If you like him, why wouldn’t you get along with Eren, bye). 

Turns out though, that it’s not Eren who threatens to beat him up if he breaks your heart. It’s not even Mikasa, although, her threat goes without saying; it’s Armin he’s terrified of.

The last time Armin hated someone, it was this guy in your program, who happened to share a few mutual classes with him, too. Jean never knew the full story, just that he’s pretty sure that kid dropped out the following semester. 

If you have a job on campus, Jean usually doesn’t show up while you’re working (knowing how embarrassed he would be if you did that to him), unless you work the night shift and it’s dead. Connie, however, does show up; usually in some kind of crisis (“Please help me, I don’t know what the fuck APA formatting is and this is due tonight, please, please, please!!”). Your coworkers actually thought Connie was your boyfriend for a minute. That’s when Jean starts showing up more lmfao.

He makes it a point to go on a scheduled, night out, kind of date at least twice a month. He knows life gets busy with school and work and midterms, but he always makes sure you both set side a time to take a well-deserved break and be with each other. 

He’s the romantic type, so these dates are pretty swoon worthy, too. Drive-in movies, nice dinners, classy art exhibits, Jean plans it all. On that note, he really likes planning dates; he just doesn’t like talking about them with his friends beforehand. 

All in all, very romantic, very precious boyfriend. He’s always thinking about you, what you need, and how he can help you out. You’re one of his main priorities, and he just wants to treat you right.