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digitalhovel · 2 years

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Games as Meditation

A lot has changed in the last month for me. I quit my job due to workplace conditions and harassment. I got a new job. I drove 1000 miles. I ended the longest relationship I’ve ever had. I completed my first proper theatrical work and got paid to do it. I grew tits.

In the midst of all this, I have felt many things. I have felt excited and sad and bewildered and mortified and angry, all without an incredible amount of time to process those feelings. It’s an oversimplification, of course. I have processed things in the wee hours of the morning and in dreams and at work and during the slow parts of the day when the mind wanders. I have picked through my emotions in therapy and worked to give them credence and space in at least that hour every week. But mostly I have felt exhausted. And in that exhaustion, I have struggled to move ahead, to decide the next steps, to push into the brave, terrifying unknowns I face.

So I played some games.

I have always been bad at meditating. I can write, I can hum, I can listen to music or podcasts or the birds for endless hours, but I find it remarkably difficult to quiet my mind for any length of time. I thought a few small games might help with that. So, this is my review of: Donut County, Far from Noise, and Florence.

I was looking for distraction and catharsis. I’m not entirely sure yet what I’ve walked away with, but I’ve certainly gotten both from these games. Donut County is by far the most humorous and tonally simple of the bunch. You play a raccoon who has doomed Donut County by… swallowing everyone and everything into a giant pit, a la Katamari Damacy. The writing is funny, the game is short and sweet, and it doesn’t outstay itself. I found myself laughing for the first time in a week, genuinely enjoying the silliness of the premise and the simple joy of making objects disappear into a pit. It gave me a relief from the cycles my brain had been stuck in, and the catharsis from making things vanish was incredible. Of course, all the things that fell in the pit had to be rescued, just as all the thoughts pushed into the corners of my mind had to be addressed eventually. But for the time being, there was a pit, and by Jove I was going to swallow everything with it.

Far from Noise feels like something someone would tell me to play. An unnamed character, trapped in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff, with no company except a few animals, their own thoughts, and a talking Deer. A very philosophical deer. Conversations range from college studies to the meaning(lessness) of existence, landing, at least in my experience, on some genuinely touching notes about nature and our place in the cosmos. It is not a game I’d recommend lightly, as it actively discusses death and hopelessness in a very real way, but the visuals are gorgeous, and the dialogue is entertaining enough to keep you hooked in for the hour-and-a-half ride. There are moments it feels the game is making a concerted effort at profundity, and moments when the game is genuinely profound. When everything seems inescapable, and when there is truly an ocean of possibilities ahead, it is nice to remember one’s transience. The game roots itself firmly in nature, keeping the experience grounded and connected with a wider world that pulls you in and forces you to reckon with silence and beauty and the opportunities of being alone in thought. No matter the ending, the decision to be and the choices made along the way, will carry us to cliffs, rivers, and oceans, all of which are to be appreciated in their own right. It was a piece of meditation I appreciated, if only to follow some guided existentialism instead of spinning wildly on my own wheels.

Finally, I played Florence. Now, before I jump in, I will note that former employees of Mountains, the game’s developer, have come forward with allegations of workplace abuse by studio lead Ken Wong. Still, the game was incredibly well reviewed, and due to Nintendo’s points system, I got it for free. So, as ethically as I could, in the moment.

If you know Florence’s story, you probably can guess why I thought it would be good for me to play it. For those who don’t, the game is a short, interactive (originally built for mobile devices) game exploring a relationship between the titular character Florence, and her boyfriend Krish. I can’t talk about the game without spoiling it, so a spoiler-free review: the design of the interaction feels incredibly intentional in a very satisfying and interesting way, the story is impactful, but I have slight quibbles with some of the meanings you could take from it. It feels like it could be read as a message about independence and monogamy instead of a message of self-reliance or self-actualization, which is what I would want to pull from it, at least.

One of the moments that really stuck with me was the ‘Groceries’ chapter. It’s approximately in the middle of the story and is the first indication Florence and Krish’s relationship isn’t perfect. As they shop, they get into an argument, and the player must build speech bubbles on the fly to respond to Krish’s comments. The pieces making the bubbles change shape each time, a magically simple way to indicate she is trying to communicate different ideas, or in different ways, and none of them are working. The game also gives Krish a hand up because he responds automatically in the same style, making the player feel incredibly disadvantaged in the argument. The result is an honest portrayal of a difficult, painful situation not uncommon in relationships. And the game doesn’t stop there. We follow Florence as she grows from being somewhat stuck in her job, to following her relationship with Krish, to the melancholic end of that relationship and the developments her life takes afterwards.

When I got this game from the Nintendo store, I felt numb. It had been a few weeks since my own breakup, and I’d had little time to truly sit with my own thoughts, despite my efforts to do so. There were always more occupying factors at hand. So, I used this game as a proxy. It is not 1:1, by any stretch. It’s not even close. But for some reason, I was able to grieve for Florence’s relationship in way I had not been allowing myself to grieve my own. I cried and I felt a small weight lift off my shoulders because some of the tears trapped behind my eyes had finally escaped. The game attaches you to these characters, to the life and love springing between them, and them gently forces you to let it go. You can do so in your own time, but you do have to let go. It was an action I have a hard time practicing in life, and the opportunity to do so consciously eased some of the anxieties I was stuck in.

Games are not a stand-in for emotional development, for therapy, or for self-reflection. But they can be a tool to help those processes along. Games, as art, have as much experiential validity as someone’s break-up playlist or anniversary movie night. These are activities we do to mark the occasion of momentous shifts, to pass the time while our brains sort through the clusters of new and old information and how we may process them. I would recommend these games as experiences. They’re good experiences to have. And I’m glad I chose to have them now, when I needed just a bit of fun, a bit of space, and a different mindset while things ticked on around me.

#thedigitalhovel #digitalhovel #florence #far from noise #videogames #meditation #breakup #processing #a human with real human emotions #donut county

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gubler-me-up · 4 years

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Big, Open Arms (MGG request)

Request: Hi, a MGG request for you. You're a famous comedian and are cast as the new agent for CM. The cast/crew all love you, even before you come on set as you're hilarious, especially Matthew which EVERYONE knows about. As a huge fan of the show you're nervous, but you get welcomed into the CM family pretty quickly, and adore them all. You become best friends with Matthew, and after a while he asks you out on a date, and you say yes then after the media get involved, Matthew asks you to be his gf.

A/N: Thanks for the request, anon! This was a fully loaded request, so I hope I encompassed every aspect to your liking! Hope you enjoy!!

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff

Content warning: None

Word count: 2.5k

——————–

You were rehearsing your lines before you had to go on set for the day. You had to admit you sucked at memorizing lines, so there were a lot of blooper reals of you stumbling over your words. You hadn’t even been part of the Criminal Minds cast for a whole year yet. Good thing the cast and crew understood how hard it was to memorize masses of technical dialogue.

Your character was named Bianca Johnson, an SSA with a background in technology. She was basically Garcia, but could kick ass instead of petting cute animals. A lot of your lines were heavy technical geek talk, which was hard to say in a scene, let alone the whole episode. Whenever you messed up you’d joked around and said Shemar’s biceps were distracting you from actually getting your lines right.

Your favourite scenes were with Matthew though. He was such a great actor and hilarious as well. When you first introduced yourself to him he told you he thought you were such a hilarious comedian. One of his favourites actually. You told him your greatest joke of all time was landing the role of such a smart character when you only had two functioning brain cells. He let out a hardy laugh before agreeing with you by saying he also had barely functioning brain cells.

Everyone was full of the same excited energy when they met you. It was like having a family gathering every time you were on set. AJ was the sweetest, coolest person you’ve ever met, Shemar was charming, Paget was completely down to earth and Kirsten was such a character. Matthew was the standout cast member for you though. His portrayal of Dr. Spencer Reid was amazing to watch on T.V., but was even more amazing to watch in real life.

He would just spur out lines on lines of facts without messing up once. When he did though it was funny and adorable. You’d try to cover your laugh every time, but he would automatically turn to look at you with a goofy smile. Your laugh would escape immediately and then everyone else would join along.

You looked up from your script as you heard two loud bangs on your door. You looked at the time on your phone and saw it was already 8:55 a.m.

“Y/N, set in five,” you heard the producer yell.

“I’m surprised you’re here early today, Jeff,” you joked.

You heard him laugh. “If Shemar can be early on set anything’s possible, right?”

You gasped. “Shemar’s on set before I am? I have to see this.”

You got up from your chair and rushed towards the door to leave for set. Before you left, you went back to your mirror. You fluffed up your hair and adjusted your breasts. You wanted to make sure you were presentable as possible. For the camera, of course.

As you walked on set you were greeted with a welcoming hug from AJ. She literally gave the most mom-like hugs ever. It was comparable to eating cookies from the cookie jar.

“Happy wrap day,” she said as she let you go.

“I can’t believe we’re wrapping the season already. I feel as if we’ve only been filming for a week,” you said.

“I know, time flies around here. One second you’re in season one and then boom you’re in season 15,” she said.

“If I can look flawlessly good throughout 15 seasons like you I think I can get used to this job.”

She giggled and playfully rolled your eyes. “Are you kidding me? You always look so great. Trust me, a little someone keeps talking about how great you are.”

You looked at her curiously. If she was talking about who you thought she was talking about than you were ecstatic. Shemar, her and some crew members had told you when you first joined that Matthew was a huge fan of yours. Had talked about you quite a few times during the downtime on set.

“More Matthew gossip? I’m in,” you heard Shemar say from behind you.

You turned around and smiled at him. “Well, well, when Jeff said you were early on set I didn’t believe it, but now that I see it with my own eyes I still can’t believe it.”

He chuckled. “Well, baby, here I am in the flesh. If it’s opposite day maybe you’ll have a flawless run with your lines.”

“Good one. Maybe we should trade characters so I can look hot and kick down doors while you talk nerdy to me.”

“You don’t have to kick down doors in your case to look hot, Y/N. I think a certain someone thinks you’re pretty hot as is.”

You gave him a suspicious stare before looking back at AJ. She smiled and looked around the set. You folded your arms as you were waiting for further details to be spilled. They both remained quiet as you stood there waiting. Good thing your attention was soon shifted towards Matthew when you saw him walk on set. You unfolded your arms and softened your face up as you saw how good he looked.

“I guess this is our cue to go, AJ,” Shemar chuckled.

“I agree. See you in the bullpen, Y/N,” AJ said before she left with Shemar.

“Yeah,” you faintly said as you stared at Matthew.

He hadn’t noticed you. He seemed to be looking for someone though as his head continuously darted around the room. When he finally turned your way, his face instantly lit up. He lightly jogged towards you with a big smile on his face. It was as if he was looking for you.

“Hey, Y/N. Happy wrap day,” he said before embracing you in a hug.

You hugged him back. “Happy wrap day, Matt. What adventures are you going to get up to after we wrap?”

“Well, that’s kinda why I was looking for you. I was going to ask you that same exact question.”

“I don’t have anything booked until later next month, so I’m going to be relaxing mostly. Why what’s up?”

“Well, remember when we went to that Arcade Fire concert a few months ago?”

You smiled and nodded. “If you mean the best experience of my life than yes.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad you liked it. Vegas always holds the Life Is Beautiful Music and Art Festival and I was wondering if you were free to go.”

You felt your heart pumping with delight at him inviting you to go to his hometown. The last few months of your friendship were situated strictly in California. You had never really explored Vegas outside of a few shows at hotels and theatres on the strip.

“You wanna take me on a Vegas adventure?” You asked.

“Something like that.”

Before you could say your answer, the set bell rang. Sometimes that stupid bell could be so annoying, especially when you had a moment like this with Matthew. You don’t think there had ever been a more intimate moment between you two.

He smiled. “Think about it.”

As he started to walk off towards the bullpen set, you ran up to him to hug him from behind. He was caught off guard by your hug, but grabbed your hands that clung in front of him. You could say it was the first time you two had held hands.

“I’d love to go.”

“Awesome.”

—————

Going to Vegas with Matthew was such a different experience than anything you had ever done before. Everywhere he took you felt as if it were a new chapter in a life you’ve never lived. You always found Vegas cliche in its gimmicks and exaggerated neon lights. However, Matthew made it seem as if it were a faraway land yet to be discovered.

He showed you to little places outside of the flashy hotels and bright neon lights that filled the strip. You two spent a lot of time at ranches nearby. You told him since the first day you two met how much you loved animals, so going to those ranches was a dream come true.

What you weren’t expecting though was going to the ranch his mother owned. When you two were driving there, you felt your heart beating fast. You had never met his mother before but you knew he was a big mama’s boy. Even with all the nerves running through your body, you felt honoured to be meeting his mother. You didn’t even know whether to consider this whole trip a big first date or what, but it was something you weren’t expecting to happen.

You had a feeling Matthew had a crush on you for a while and the feeling had always been mutual. Guess the both of you had been crushing on each other through a screen for all these years. To be together in that moment was borderline unreal and probably long overdue.

“We’re here,” he said as he pulled up to the ranch.

You looked around the area. It was massive. Just a stretch of land with no buildings in sight. It was beautiful. You looked at Matthew with a huge contagious smile. He couldn’t help smiling back.

“Your mom knows beauty,” you said.

He laughed. “Yeah, I guess she does.”

“I mean if she created you she definitely knows what beauty is.”

He grabbed your hand and squeezed it. It was his fifteenth time holding your hand. Not like you were counting or anything. You blushed as he moved your hand closer to his lips and kissed it twice.

“I’m glad you came, Y/N. I’ve been meaning to ask you on a date for the longest time, but I couldn’t think of the perfect date to take you on,” he confessed.

“Matthew, you literally could have taken me to 7/11 for a shitty cup of coffee and I would have had the time of my life,” you said.

He laughed. “Well, even though 7/11’s cool, I thought you might like a trip to Vegas and concert better.”

“I have to say this is probably one of my favourite first dates ever. I just feel as if it’s missing a little je ne sais quoi.”

“A little je ne sais quoi you say.”

You then saw him let go of your hand and reach for the side of your neck. He brought you in closer as his face moved closer to yours. You hated dramatics, so you rushed in and embraced him with an enormous kiss. You grabbed his face to deepen the kiss. You had never been so excited to kiss anyone in your entire life. The way he kissed you was just different.

You two pulled apart from the kiss before anything went any further. You knew you were satisfied with that kiss but the way Matthew beamed made you believe he was even more satisfied. You covered your face with your hand as you couldn’t stop smiling to yourself.

“I didn’t mean to attack you like that,” you joked.

He chuckled. “No, no, it was great. Maybe we could continue this after we go see my mom.”

You smiled ear-to-ear. “I couldn’t dream of anything better.”

The two of you got out of the car to go greet his mom as she walked out to where he had parked his car. Her smile was just as magnetic as his. You were automatically drawn into her. So much so you found yourself approaching her ready to give her the biggest hug ever. She wasn’t shy to embrace you with big, open arms. It felt as if you were already apart of his family.

————

Back in your trailer to film another season of Criminal Minds and you thought you could get better at memorizing your lines. You didn’t. You swore to yourself you would get better over the summer break, but that plan went out the window as soon as Vegas happened. Matthew had turned what was supposed to be a mundane summer into a long-lasting experience. A long-lasting experience with a lot of making out and wandering hands.

You looked at your watch and saw you had a few minutes to kill before you had to go on set. You tossed your script aside and reached for your phone. The lines could wait a minute or several as you indulged in looking through Twitter.

You scrolled down your timeline, liking and retweeting a few things that caught your eye. One thing caught your eye in particular though. It was from TMZ out of all gossip media showing pictures of you and Matthew holding hands and kissing just a few days ago when you two went to the beach. They must have been hidden well because you knew for a fact no one was around the area you two set up.

Your shock was interrupted when a few knocks were made at your door. You put down your phone and picked up your script to pretend you were still trying to memorize your line. You knew if it was Jeff coming in he’d much rather see you trying to memorize your lines than scrolling through Twitter.

“Come in,” you said.

You saw Matthew come in with a sheepish smile on. You looked at him strange as you had never seen him seem so shy. Then you saw a magazine in his hand. You could only guess what it was. He held up the magazine, so you could see it. Right on the front cover was a picture of you on top of Matthew making out with him on the beach.

You smiled. “At least People Magazine finally put some eye candy on the front page.”

“I didn’t even know they were allowed to publish pictures of soft porn,” he chuckled as he handed you the magazine.

You laughed. “In this day and age anything’s possible.”

“Anything huh?”

He took your hand to take you out of your seat. You gladly got up as you tossed the script and magazine on your vanity. He pulled you in close as his hands moved from your hands to your waist. If this was his way of proposing a quickie in your trailer, you weren’t about to turn him down.

“If anything’s possible, how about we make it official?” He asked.

You would have screamed out of delight, but you were worried he might take it back if you did. You did the next best thing that had come to mind and grabbed his face, so you could kiss him. He wrapped his arms around your waist and embraced the kiss even further. The only reason you two broke apart was because you could hear the director calling everyone to set.

“I guess we should go before this ends up being our last season,” you said as you let go of him.

“I think it might be your last season if you can’t remember those lines,” he joked.

You laughed. “If I can still have you at the end of the day I’d be okay with that. Besides, I think Vegas might have an opening for me.”

—–

MASTERLIST

#spencer reid #dr. spencer reid #dr.spencer reid #mgg #mgg imagine #mgg fanfiction #mgg x reader #mgg x y/n #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler request #matthew gray gubler fluff #Criminal Minds #criminalminds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #matthew gray gubler imagine

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carpisuns · 3 years

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I watched all of the first 3 seasons and specials and extras in 2 days. Needless to say I loved miraculous ladybug and it's still my current hyperfixation.

This is one of the first times I've ever been into a piece of media while it's still being made and engaging with fandom. I have never read fanfiction or comics before mlb. It's opened my eyes as to how wonderful and amazing it is.

Fundamentally I think mlb is a good show with some misfortunate side affects. The predictable format and convoluted plot because of the secret identities and magic can be off putting because it wasn't a full story planned out from day one. mlb has grown so much over time and the plot holes and animation errors are plenty excusable. I think it's a really great show for kids and teaches a lot of good lessons that I haven't seen done in others.

By no means is it a perfect show but it's still a good one. As with watching season 4 it's becoming a great show. I am so thankful for it filling a void in my life during a really tough time but I'm even more thankful for the community and fan works for continuing such amazing ideas like the love square.

It saddens me to read all the salt and critisisms of the show that are unjust. Because of it's style and status as a kids shows it doesn't always seem like it has much depth or plan, but there is really so much packed into efficient dialogue and facial expressions as well as some of the longest foreshadowing seen today. And it's not even over yet!

I am so excited for the future of this show and the fandom surrounding it

aaa thank you for this positivty, it is so good to hear!! big agree with everything you've said! that was also my experience :) as in, this is the first time i've been involved in fandom to this extent and i love it!

i'm definitely not saying ML is a perfect show, but then again, what is? every piece of media has flaws. that doesn't make it trash lol. and if ML's flaws bother someone to the extent that they actually dislike the show, honestly i don't understand why they'd stick around in the fandom ?

and tbh i feel like a lot of the problems people have with ML are simply symptoms of being a children's cartoon lol. sometimes as teens/adults we tend to forget that we are actually not the target audience. this show is aimed at children. so yeah, there is a level of repetition and predictability. there are things that come off as silly/cringey to adults. there are things that seem too obvious or convenient or whatever. that's to be expected for this kind of media. and if you are expecting too much of it, that's not the writers' fault. these things aren't necessarily a sign of bad writing. (not to say there isn't room for legitimate criticism of the show ofc, but you have to give it some grace because of the audience)

i actually find ML to be really fascinating and fresh and well written for a kids' show. there's a ton of depth there that you don't always find even in more mature shows. and like you said, it just gets better! we started out with a very basic monster-of-the-week format in s1 but look how the characters and relationships and plot have developed over 3.5 seasons! the stakes are being raised, the angst is being dialed up, there are a lot of juicy threads going, things are BUILDING and personally im really excited to see what the rest of s4 has in store for us :D

thanks again for sharing!! <3

#anon #ask #positivity

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captain-ozone · 3 years

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Fic Writer Review

Thank you for the tag, @flutteringdreams-matw!! I loved reading your review, and I’m stoked to have the opportunity to fill this out myself, too!

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 46. And not all of them have been transferred over from FFN. There’s at least another dozen between multiple fandoms over there, lol.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 656,571. My word.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? When one of your fandoms is DC Comics...Does that count as one or several? LOL. xD

There’s been Merlin, Danny Phantom, Batman (Comics), Young Justice (cartoon), Teen Titans (cartoon), Titans (TV Show), Smallville (TV show), The Justice League (movie), The Flash (Arrowverse TV Show), Miraculous Ladybug, Harry Potter, Rise of the Guardians, How to Train Your Dragon, Sword Art Online (anime), Blue Exorcist (anime), The Bright Sessions (podcast). Might be missing some.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. Come Alive (Young Justice) 2. life, if well lived (Batman) 3. On Three (Miraculous Ladybug) 4. a million dreams (Batman) 5. Genesis (Danny Phantom)

@redriotted should be informed that my top two are fics she requested from me via prompts I’m sure neither of us expected I would ever fill. Love you, dear! I credit you for these fics!

5. Which of your fic do you want more attention for? Difficult question for me to answer. I’ve been gifted with lovely feedback on most of my work. I guess if I were to choose one it would be Locking Up the Sun (Batman)? It’s a Fantasy AU. A fantastic exercise in world-building. I had so much fun with it that I’ve been playing with the idea of spinning bits of it into an original work.

6. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? YES. I try to respond to every review and comment I receive. I understand it takes a lot of time and energy for some people, but from the moment I posted my first Merlin fic in 2011, I needed to respond, even if with nothing more than a little thank you. And I’m not about to stop the habit. I met some of my dearest friends responding to reviews. I still meet wonderful people doing so. :) 7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Uhhhh, I’m not sure? I guess it depends on perspective. Most of my fics end happily, or rather, I am quite heavy-handed on the comfort part of the Hurt/Comfort trope. I do bittersweet more often than I do angst. I wrote a Merlin AU inspired by The Picture of Dorian Gray about Uther Pendragon that was pretty angsty? Grief was another one, also in the Merlin fandom. I’m sure there were some in my FFN Merlin oneshot collection Rabbits and Bathroom Breaks that apply, but lord knows I hardly remember half of what I’ve posted in that monster.

8. Do you write crossovers? Once. I wrote a Rise of the Guardians/Frozen crossover with an Elsa/Jack Frost pairing as a gift for a friend. 9. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Oh, of course. Who hasn’t? I’ve been cursed out more than once, too. It always stings, but it’s a matter of stepping back and asking myself: is this constructive? will this make me a better writer? Once you frame the comment/review that way, it’s a bit easier to see that it’s unproductive to linger on it for long. It’s someone’s personal preferences and/or beliefs not aligning with your own. Or someone who can’t quite distance themselves from fiction enough to realize you are not always what you write, nor are you a reflection of the characters/plot you’re writing about.

10. Do you write smut? if so what kind? Rarely, and only as crack or as a joke. Nothing I would ever share in public. RIP Uther Pendragon/Troll fic of circa 2013-2014. I do so wish I’d saved you somewhere safe. 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, but I have no idea where they are posted or in what language. Most of the requests came over FFN, so I’m sure they’re available somewhere. In some capacity.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not quite. My friend and I wrote every other line of the aforementioned Uther/Troll fic in a chatroom, if that counts. 13. What’s your all time favorite ship? I’m far more interested in platonic/family relationships in pretty much every fandom I’m in. If I were to choose one? Adam Hayes/Caleb Michaels from The Bright Sessions. Or Barry Allen/Iris West in The Flash.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? *eyes Shift warily*

I KID. I made a promise over half a decade ago, and I intend on keeping it. In all seriousness: A Merlin time-travel fic I started ages upon ages ago. I hardly remember what the point of it was. There is a fun scene I’ve considered posting as a oneshot more than once over the years, though, just because it makes me laugh.

15. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue, I think? I love it.

16. What are your writing weaknesses? Imagery/action. Give me a single scene focused on a conversation between two hopeless individuals that need some TLC and let me forget about where they are sitting or if they are sitting at all or if there are things that need describing around them, please and thank you. 17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I’ve done it, in some capacity. I used my knowledge of Latin grammar from old high school classes to try to write spells for Merlin fics. I probably butchered quite a few, lol. I think it’s important to use language as accurately as possible, though, if it were to be used at all. Most of the time I take the lazy man’s route and use dialogue tags and italics, just so I can avoid making ignorant mistakes. As a reader, as long as I have translations in front of me, I’m golden. 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Merlin. I owe that fandom everything. 19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? Come Alive. I don’t know that I have ever had so much fun writing anything in my life. a million dreams (my Flying Grayson time travel tear-jerker) and Not a Bit (my MLB Brothers AU, inspired by the original PV) come in close second. I dig my family feels, obviously. 20. What fic are you most proud of? Shift, my Danny Phantom AU, if only because it’s been seven years since I posted its first chapter. Writing it has felt like pulling teeth at certain points, but it has been with me for a long, long time. Rereading it is like looking at a time lapse of how I’ve developed as a writer, lol. Heart of Gold (Merlin) is another. Before Shift, it was the longest fic I’d ever written, one, and it was my first time really developing an OC/attempting a redemption arc as well. It was far from a perfect fic, but boy did I feel like a queen when I finished it. I’m sure you might’ve done something like this at some point, @cdelphiki, but here you go! @breynekai-tfc, too! And anyone else who sees and wants to share, please do so!

#captainozone #ask game #my writing #fanfic #fic

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shortnotsweet · 3 years

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Bakudeku: A Non-Comprehensive Dissection of the Exploitation of Working Bodies, the Murder of Annoying Children, and a Rivals-to-Lovers Complex

I. Bakudeku in Canon, And Why Anti’s Need to Calm the Fuck Down

II. Power is Power: the Brain-Melting Process of Normalization and Toxic Masculinity

III. How to Kill Middle Schoolers, and Why We Should

IV. Parallels in Abuse, EnemiesRivals-to-Lovers, and the Necessity of Redemption ft. ATLA’s Zuko

V. Give it to Me Straight. It’s Homophobic.

VI. Love in Perspective, from the East v. West

VII. Stuck in the Sludge, the Past, and Season One

Disclaimer

It needs to be said that there is definitely a place for disagreement, discourse, debate, and analysis: that is a sign of an active fandom that’s heavily invested, and not inherently a bad thing at all. Considering the amount of source material we do have (from the manga, to the anime, to the movies, to the light novels, to the official art), there are going to be warring interpretations, and that’s inevitable.

I started watching and reading MHA pretty recently, and just got into the fandom. I was weary for a reason, and honestly, based on what I’ve seen, I’m still weary now. I’ve seen a lot of anti posts, and these are basically my thoughts. This entire thing is in no way comprehensive, and it’s my own opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. If I wanted to be thorough about this, I would’ve included manga panels, excerpts from the light novel, shots from the anime, links to other posts/essays/metas that have inspired this, etc. but I’m tired and not about that life right now, so, this is what it is. This is poorly organized, but maybe I’ll return to fix it.

Let’s begin.

Bakudeku in Canon, And Why Anti’s Need to Calm the Fuck Down

There are a lot of different reasons, that can be trivial as you like, to ship or not to ship two (or more) characters. It could be based purely off of character design, proximity, aversion to another ship, or hypotheticals. And I do think that it’s totally valid if someone dislikes the ship or can’t get on board with his character because to them, it does come across as abuse, and the implications make them uncomfortable or, or it just feels unhealthy. If that is your takeaway, and you are going to stick to your guns, the more power to you.

But Bakudeku’s relationship has canonically progressed to the point where it’s not the emotionally (or physically) abusive clusterfuck some people portray it to be, and it’s cheap to assume that it would be, based off of their characterizations as middle schoolers. Izuku intentionally opens the story as a naive little kid who views the lens of the Hero society through rose colored glasses and arguably wants nothing more than assimilation into that society; Bakugou is a privileged little snot who embodies the worst and most hypocritical beliefs of this system. Both of them are intentionally proven wrong. Both are brainwashed, as many little children are, by the propaganda and societal norms that they are exposed to. Both of their arcs include unlearning crucial aspects of the Hero ideology in order to become true heroes.

I will personally never simp for Bakugou because for the longest time, I couldn't help but think of him as a little kid on the playground screaming at the top of his lungs because someone else is on the swingset. He’s red in the face, there are probably veins popping out of his neck, he’s losing it. It’s easy to see why people would prefer Tododeku to Bakudeku.

Even now, seeing him differently, I still personally wouldn’t date Bakugou, especially if I had other options. Why? I probably wouldn’t want to date any of the guys who bullied me, especially because I think that schoolyard bullying, even in middle school, affected me largely in a negative way and created a lot of complexes I’m still trying to work through. I haven’t built a better relationship with them, and I’m not obligated to. Still, I associate them with the kind of soft trauma that they inflicted upon me, and while to them it was probably impersonal, to me, it was an intimate sort of attack that still affects me. That being said, that is me. Those are my personal experiences, and while they could undoubtedly influence how I interpret relationships, I do not want to project and hinder my own interpretation of Deku.

The reality is that Deku himself has an innate understanding of Bakugou that no one else does; I mention later that he seems to understand his language, implicitly, and I do stand by that. He understands what it is he’s actually trying to say, often why he’s saying it, and while others may see him as wimpy or unable to stand up for himself, that’s simply not true. Part of Deku’s characterization is that he is uncommonly observant and empathetic; I’m not denying that Bakugou caused harm or inflicted damage, but infantilizing Deku and preaching about trauma that’s not backed by canon and then assuming random people online excuse abuse is just...the leap of leaps, and an actual toxic thing to do. I’ve read fan works where Bakugou is a bully, and that’s all, and has caused an intimate degree of emotional, mental, and physical insecurity from their middle school years that prevents their relationship from changing, and that’s for the better. I’m not going to argue and say that it’s not an interesting take, or not valid, or has no basis, because it does. Its basis is the character that Bakugou was in middle school, and the person he was when he entered UA.

Not only is Bakugou — the current Bakugou, the one who has accumulated memories and experiences and development — not the same person he was at the beginning of the story, but Deku is not the same person, either. Maybe who they are fundamentally, at their core, stays the same, but at the beginning and end of any story, or even their arcs within the story, the point is that characters will undergo change, and that the reader will gain perspective.

“You wanna be a hero so bad? I’ve got a time-saving idea for you. If you think you’ll have a quirk in your next life...go take a swan dive off the roof!”

Yes. That is a horrible thing to tell someone, even if you are a child, even if you don’t understand the implications, even if you don’t mean what it is you are saying. Had someone told me that in middle school, especially given our history and the context of our interactions, I don’t know if I would ever have forgiven them.

Here’s the thing: I’m not Deku. Neither is anyone reading this. Deku is a fictional character, and everyone we know about him is extrapolated from source material, and his response to this event follows:

“Idiot! If I really jumped, you’d be charged with bullying me into suicide! Think before you speak!”

I think it’s unfair to apply our own projections as a universal rather than an interpersonal interpretation; that’s not to say that the interpretation of Bakudeku being abusive or having unbalanced power dynamics isn’t valid, or unfounded, but rather it’s not a universal interpretation, and it’s not canon. Deku is much more of a verbal thinker; in comparison, Bakugou is a visual one, at least in the format of the manga, and as such, we get various panels demonstrating his guilt, and how deep it runs. His dialogue and rapport with Deku has undeniably shifted, and it’s very clear that the way they treat each other has changed from when they were younger. Part of Bakugou’s growth is him gaining self awareness, and eventually, the strength to wield that. He knows what a fucked up little kid he was, and he carries the weight of that.

“At that moment, there were no thoughts in my head. My body just moved on its own.”

There’s a part of me that really, really disliked Bakugou going into it, partially because of what I’d seen and what I’d heard from a limited, outside perspective. I felt like Bakugou embodied the toxic masculinity (and to an extent, I still believe that) and if he won in some way, that felt like the patriarchy winning, so I couldn't help but want to muzzle and leash him before releasing him into the wild.

The reality, however, of his character in canon is that it isn’t very accurate to assume that he would be an abusive partner in the future, or that Midoryia has not forgiven him to some extent already, that the two do not care about each other or are singularly important, that they respect each other, or that the narrative has forgotten any of this.

Don’t mistake me for a Bakugou simp or apologist. I’m not, but while I definitely could also see Tododeku (and I have a soft spot for them, too, their dynamic is totally different and unique, and Todoroki is arguably treated as the tritagonist) and I’m ambivalent about Izuocha (which is written as cannoncially romantic) I do believe that canonically, Bakugou and Deku are framed as soulmates/character foils, Sasuke + Naruto, Kageyama + Hinata style. Their relationship is arguably the focus of the series. That’s not to undermine the importance or impact of Deku’s relationships with other characters, and theirs with him, but in terms of which one takes priority, and which one this all hinges on?

The manga is about a lot of things, yes, but if it were to be distilled into one relationship, buckle up, because it’s the Bakudeku show.

Power is Power: the Brain-Melting Process of Normalization and Toxic Masculinity

One of the ways in which the biopolitical prioritization of Quirks is exemplified within Hero society is through Quirk marriages. Endeavor partially rationalizes the abuse of his family through the creation of a child with the perfect quirk, a child who can be molded into the perfect Hero. People with powerful, or useful abilities, are ranked high on the hierarchy of power and privilege, and with a powerful ability, the more opportunities and avenues for success are available to them.

For the most part, Bakugou is a super spoiled, privileged little rich kid who is born talented but is enabled for his aggressive behavior and, as a child, cannot move past his many internalized complexes, treats his peers like shit, and gets away with it because the hero society he lives in either has this “boys will be boys” mentality, or it’s an example of the way that power, or Power, is systematically prioritized in this society. The hero system enables and fosters abusers, people who want power and publicity, and people who are genetically predisposed to have advantages over others. There are plenty of good people who believe in and participate in this system, who want to be good, and who do good, but that doesn’t change the way that the hero society is structured, the ethical ambiguity of the Hero Commission, and the way that Heroes are but pawns, idols with machine guns, used to sell merch to the public, to install faith in the government, or the current status quo, and reinforce capitalist propaganda. Even All Might, the epitome of everything a Hero should be, is drained over the years, and exists as a concept or idea, when in reality he is a hollow shell with an entire person inside, struggling to survive. Hero society is functionally dependent on illusion.

In Marxist terms: There is no truth, there is only power.

Although Bakugou does change, and I think that while he regrets his actions, what is long overdue is him verbally expressing his remorse, both to himself and Deku. One might argue that he’s tried to do it in ways that are compatible with his limited emotional range of expression, and Deku seems to understand this language implicitly.

I am of the opinion that the narrative is building up to a verbal acknowledgement, confrontation, and subsequent apology that only speaks what has gone unspoken.

That being said, Bakugou is a great example of the way that figures of authority (parents, teachers, adults) and institutions both in the real world and this fictional universe reward violent behavior while also leaving mental and emotional health — both his own and of the people Bakugou hurts — unchecked, and part of the way he lashes out at others is because he was never taught otherwise.

And by that, I’m referring to the ways that are to me, genuinely disturbing. For example, yelling at his friends is chill. But telling someone to kill themselves, even casually and without intent and then misinterpreting everything they do as a ploy to make you feel weak because you're projecting? And having no teachers stop and intervene, either because they are afraid of you or because they value the weight that your Quirk can benefit society over the safety of children? That, to me, is both real and disturbing.

Not only that, but his parents (at least, Mitsuki), respond to his outbursts with more outbursts, and while this is likely the culture of their home and I hesitate to call it abusive, I do think that it contributed to the way that he approaches things. Bakugou as a character is very complex, but I think that he is primarily an example of the way that the Hero System fails people.

I don’t think we can write off the things he’s done, especially using the line of reasoning that “He didn’t mean it that way”, because in real life, children who hurt others rarely mean it like that either, but that doesn’t change the effect it has on the people who are victimized, but to be absolutely fair, I don’t think that the majority of Bakudeku shippers, at least now, do use that line of reasoning. Most of them seem to have a handle on exactly how fucked up the Hero society is, and exactly why it fucks up the people embedded within that society.

The characters are positioned in this way for a reason, and the discoveries made and the development that these characters undergo are meant to reveal more about the fictional world — and, perhaps, our world — as the narrative progresses.

The world of the Hero society is dependent, to some degree, on biopolitics. I don’t think we have enough evidence to suggest that people with Quirks or Quirkless people place enough identity or placement within society to become equivalent to marginalized groups, exactly, but we can draw parallels to the way that Deku and by extent Quirkless people are viewed as weak, a deviation, or disabled in some way. Deviants, or non-productive bodies, are shunned for their inability to perform ideal labor. While it is suggested to Deku that he could become a police officer or pursue some other occupation to help people, he believes that he can do the most positive good as a Hero. In order to be a Hero, however, in the sense of a career, one needs to have Power.

Deviation from the norm will be punished or policed unless it is exploitable; in order to become integrated into society, a deviant must undergo a process of normalization and become a working, exploitable body. It is only through gaining power from All Might that Deku is allowed to assimilate from the margins and into the upper ranks of society; the manga and the anime give the reader enough perspective, context, and examples to allow us to critique and deconstruct the society that is solely reliant on power.

Through his societal privileges, interpersonal biases, internalized complexes, and his subsequent unlearning of these ideologies, Bakugou provides examples of the way that the system simultaneously fails and indoctrinates those who are targeted, neglected, enabled by, believe in, and participate within the system.

Bakudeku are two sides of the same coin. We are shown visually that the crucial turning point and fracture in their relationship is when Bakugou refuses to take Deku’s outstretched hand; the idea of Deku offering him help messes with his adolescent perspective in that Power creates a hierarchy that must be obeyed, and to be helped is to be weak is to be made a loser.

Largely, their character flaws in terms of understanding the hero society are defined and entangled within the concept of power. Bakugou has power, or privilege, but does not have the moral character to use it as a hero, and believes that Power, or winning, is the only way in which to view life. Izuku has a much better grasp on the way in which heroes wield power (their ideologies can, at first, be differentiated as winning vs. saving), and is a worthy successor because of this understanding, and of circumstance. However, in order to become a Hero, our hero must first gain the Power that he lacks, and learn to wield it.

As the characters change, they bridge the gaps of their character deficiencies, and are brought closer together through character parallelism.

Two sides of the same coin, an outstretched hand.

They are better together.

How to Kill Middle Schoolers, and Why We Should

I think it’s fitting that in the manga, a critical part of Bakugou’s arc explicitly alludes to killing the middle school version of himself in order to progress into a young adult. In the alternative covers Horikoshi released, one of them was a close up of Bakugou in his middle school uniform, being stabbed/impaled, with blood rolling out of his mouth. Clearly this references the scene in which he sacrifices himself to save Deku, on a near-instinctual level.

To me, this only cements Horikoshi’s intent that middle school Bakugou must be debunked, killed, discarded, or destroyed in order for Bakugou the hero to emerge, which is why people who do actually excuse his actions or believe that those actions define him into young adulthood don’t really understand the necessity for change, because they seem to imply that he doesn’t need/cannot reach further growth, and there doesn’t need to be a separation between the Bakugou who is, at heart, volatile and repressed the angry, and the Bakugou who sacrifices himself, a hero who saves people.

Plot twist: there does need to be a difference. Further plot twist: there is a difference.

In sacrificing himself for Deku, Bakugou himself doesn't die, but the injury is fatal in the sense that it could've killed him physically and yet symbolizes the selfish, childish part of him that refused to accept Deku, himself, and the inevitability of change. In killing those selfish remnants, he could actually become the kind of hero that we the reader understand to be the true kind.

That’s why I think that a lot of the people who stress his actions as a child without acknowledging the ways he has changed, grown, and tried to fix what he has broken don’t really get it, because it was always part of his character arc to change and purposely become something different and better. If the effects of his worst and his most childish self stick with you more, and linger despite that, that’s okay. But distilling his character down to the wrong elements doesn’t get you the bare essentials; what it gets you is a skewed and shallow version of a person. If you’re okay with that version, that is also fine.

But you can’t condemn others who aren’t fine with that incomplete version, and to become enraged that others do not see him as you do is childish.

Bakugou’s change and the emphasis on that change is canon.

Parallels in Abuse, EnemiesRivals-to-Lovers, and the Necessity of Redemption ft. ATLA’s Zuko

In real life, the idea that “oh, he must bully you because he likes you” is often used as a way to brush aside or to excuse the action of bullying itself, as if a ‘secret crush’ somehow negates the effects of bullying on the victim or the inability of the bully to properly process and manifest their emotions in certain ways. It doesn’t. It often enables young boys to hurt others, and provides figures of authority to overlook the real source of schoolyard bullying or peer review. The “secret crush”, in real life, is used to undermine abuse, justify toxic masculinity, and is essentially used as a non-solution solution.

A common accusation is that Bakudeku shippers jump on the pairing because they romanticize pairing a bully and a victim together, or believe that the only way for Bakugou to atone for his past would be to date Midoryia in the future. This may be true for some people, in which case, that’s their own preference, but based on my experience and what I’ve witnessed, that’s not the case for most.

The difference being is that as these are characters, we as readers or viewers are meant to analyze them. Not to justify them, or to excuse their actions, but we are given the advantage of the outsider perspective to piece their characters together in context, understand why they are how they are, and witness them change; maybe I just haven’t been exposed to enough of the fandom, but no one (I’ve witnessed) treats the idea that “maybe Bakugou has feelings he can’t process or understand and so they manifest in aggressive and unchecked ways'' as a solution to his inability to communicate or process in a healthy way, rather it is just part of the explanation of his character, something is needs to — and is — working through. The solution to his middle school self is not the revelation of a “teehee, secret crush”, but self-reflection, remorse, and actively working to better oneself, which I do believe is canonically reflected, especially as of recently.

In canon, they are written to be partners, better together than apart, and I genuinely believe that one can like the Bakudeku dynamic not by route of romanticization but by observation.

I do think we are meant to see parallels between him and Endeavor; Endeavor is a high profile abuser who embodies the flaws and hypocrisy of the hero system. Bakugou is a schoolyard bully who emulates and internalizes the flaws of this system as a child, likely due to the structure of the society and the way that children will absorb the propaganda they are exposed to; the idea that Quirks, or power, define the inherent value of the individual, their ability to contribute to society, and subsequently their fundamental human worth. The difference between them is the fact that Endeavor is the literal adult who is fully and knowingly active within a toxic, corrupt system who forces his family to undergo a terrifying amount of trauma and abuse while facing little to no consequences because he knows that his status and the values of their society will protect him from those consequences. In other words, Endeavor is the threat of what Bakugou could have, and would have, become without intervention or genuine change.

Comparisons between characters, as parallels or foils, are tricky in that they imply but cannot confirm sameness. Having parallels with someone does not make them the same, by the way, but can serve to illustrate contrasts, or warnings. Harry Potter, for example, is meant to have obvious parallels with Tom Riddle, with similar abilities, and tragic upbringings. That doesn’t mean Harry grows up to become Lord Voldemort, but rather he helps lead a cross-generational movement to overthrow the facist regime. Harry is offered love, compassion, and friends, and does not embrace the darkness within or around him. As far as moldy old snake men are concerned, they do not deserve a redemption arc because they do not wish for one, and the truest of change only occurs when you actively try to change.

To be frank, either way, Bakugou was probably going to become a good Hero, in the sense that Endeavor is a ‘good’ Hero. Hero capitalized, as in a pro Hero, in the sense that it is a career, an occupation, and a status. Because of his strong Quirk, determination, skill, and work ethic, Bakugou would have made a good Hero. Due to his lack of character, however, he was not on the path to become a hero; defender of the weak, someone who saves people to save people, who is willing to make sacrifices detrimental to themselves, who saves people out of love.

It is necessary for him to undergo both a redemption arc and a symbolic death and rebirth in order for him to follow the path of a hero, having been inspired and prompted by Deku.

I personally don’t really like Endeavor’s little redemption arc, not because I don’t believe that people can change or that they shouldn't at least try to atone for the atrocities they have committed, but because within any narrative, a good redemption arc is important if it matters; what also matters is the context of that arc, and whether or not it was needed. For example, in ATLA, Zuko’s redemption arc is widely regarded as one of the best arcs in television history, something incredible. And it is. That shit fucks. In a good way.

It was confirmed that Azula was also going to get a redemption arc, had Volume 4 gone on as planned, and it was tentatively approached in the comics, which are considered canon. She is an undeniably bad person (who is willing to kill, threaten, exploit, and colonize), but she is also a child, and as viewers, we witness and recognize the factors that contributed to her (debatable) sociopathy, and the way that the system she was raised in failed her. Her family failed her; even Uncle Iroh, the wise mentor who helps guide Zuko to see the light, is willing to give up on her immediately, saying that she’s “crazy” and needs to be “put down”. Yes, it’s comedic, and yes, it’s pragmatic, but Azula is fourteen years old. Her mother is banished, her father is a psychopath, and her older brother, from her perspective, betrayed and abandoned her. She doesn’t have the emotional support that Zuko does; she exploits and controls her friends because it’s all she’s been taught to do; she says herself, her “own mother thought [she] was a monster; she was right, of course, but it still [hurts]”. A parent who does not believe in you, or a parent that uses you and will hurt you, is a genuine indicator of trauma.

The writers understood that both Zuko and Azula deserved redemption arcs. One was arguably further gone than the other, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are both children, products of their environment, who have the time, motive, and reason to change.

In contrast, you know who wouldn’t have deserved a redemption arc? Ozai. That simply would not have been interesting, wouldn’t have served the narrative well, and honestly, is not needed, thematically or otherwise. Am I comparing Ozai to Endeavor? Basically, yes. Fuck those guys. I don’t see a point in Endeavor’s little “I want to be a good dad now” arc, and I think that we don’t need to sympathize with characters in order to understand them or be interested in them. I want Touya/Dabi to expose his abuse, for his career to crumble, and then for him to die.

If they are not challenging the system that we the viewer are meant to question, and there is no thematic relevance to their redemption, is it even needed?

On that note, am I saying that Bakugou is the equivalent to Zuko? No, lmao. Definitely not. They are different characters with different progressions and different pressures. What I am saying is that good redemption arcs shouldn’t be handed out like candy to babies; it is the quality, rather than the quantity, that makes a redemption arc good. In terms of the commentary of the narrative, who needs a redemption arc, who is deserving, and who does it make sense to give one to?

In this case, Bakugou checks those boxes. It was always in the cards for him to change, and he has. In fact, he’s still changing.

Give it to Me Straight. It’s Homophobic.

There does seem to be an urge to obsessively gender either Bakugou or Deku, in making Deku the ultra-feminine, stereotypically hyper-sexualized “woman” of the relationship, with Bakugou becoming similarly sexualized but depicted as the hyper-masculine bodice ripper. On some level, that feels vaguely homophobic if not straight up misogynistic, in that in a gay relationship there’s an urge to compel them to conform under heteronormative stereotypes in order to be interpreted as real or functional. On one hand, I will say that in a lot of cases it feels like more of an expression of a kink, or fetishization and subsequent expression of internalized misogyny, at least, rather than a genuine exploration of the complexity and power imbalances of gender dynamics, expression, and boundaries.

That being said, I don’t think that that problematic aspect of shipping is unique to Bakudeku, or even to the fandom in general. We’ve all read fan work or see fanart of most gay ships in a similiar manner, and I think it’s a broader issue to be addressed than blaming it on a singular ship and calling it a day.

One interpretation of Bakugou’s character is his repression and the way his character functions under toxic masculinity, in a society’s egregious disregard for mental and emotional health (much like in the real world), the horrifying ways in which rage is rationalized or excused due to the concept of masculinity, and the way that characteristics that are associated with femininity — intellect, empathy, anxiety, kindness, hesitation, softness — are seen as stereotypically “weak”, and in men, traditionally emasculating. In terms of the way that the fictional universe is largely about societal priority and power dynamics between individuals and the way that extends to institutions, it’s not a total stretch to guess that gender as a construct is a relevant topic to expand on or at least keep in mind for comparison.

I think that the way in which characters are gendered and the extent to which that is a result of invasive heteronormativity and fetishization is a really important conversation to have, but using it as a case-by-case evolution of a ship used to condemn people isn’t conductive, and at that point, it’s treated as less of a real concern but an issue narrowly weaponised.

Love in Perspective, from the East v. West

Another thing I think could be elaborated on and written about in great detail is the way that the Eastern part of the fandom and the Western part of the fandom have such different perspectives on Bakudeku in particular. I am not going to go in depth with this, and there are many other people who could go into specifics, but just as an overview:

The manga and the anime are created for and targeted at a certain audience; our take on it will differ based on cultural norms, decisions in translation, understanding of the genre, and our own region-specific socialization. This includes the way in which we interpret certain relationships, the way they resonate with us, and what we do and do not find to be acceptable. Of course, this is not a case-by-case basis, and I’m sure there are plenty of people who hold differing beliefs within one area, but speaking generally, there is a reason that Bakudeku is not regarded as nearly as problematic in the East.

Had this been written by a Western creator, marketed primarily to and within the West (for reference, while I am Chinese, but I have lived in the USA for most of my life, so my own perspective is undoubtedly westernized), I would’ve immediately jumped to make comparisons between the Hero System and the American police system, in that a corrupt, or bastardized system is made no less corrupt for the people who do legitimately want to do good and help people, when that system disproportionately values and targets others while relying on propaganda that society must be reliant on that system in order to create safe communities when in reality it perpetuates just as many issues as it appears to solve, not to mention the way it attracts and rewards violent and power-hungry people who are enabled to abuse their power. I think comparisons can still be made, but in terms of analysis, it should be kept in mind that the police system in other parts of the world do not have the same history, place, and context as it does in America, and the police system in Japan, for example, probably wasn’t the basis for the Hero System.

As much as I do believe in the Death of the Author in most cases, the intent of the author does matter when it comes to content like this, if merely on the basis that it provides context that we may be missing as foreign viewers.

As far as the intent of the author goes, Bakugou is on a route of redemption.

He deserves it. It is unavoidable. That, of course, may depend on where you’re reading this.

Stuck in the Sludge, the Past, and Season One

If there’s one thing, to me, that epitomizes middle school Bakugou, it’s him being trapped in a sludge monster, rescued by his Quirkless childhood friend, and unable to believe his eyes. He clings to the ideology he always has, that Quirkless means weak, that there’s no way that Deku could have grown to be strong, or had the capacity to be strong all along. Bakugou is wrong about this, and continuously proven wrong. It is only when he accepts that he is wrong, and that Deku is someone to follow, that he starts his real path to heroics.

If Bakudeku’s relationship does not appeal to someone for whatever reason, there’s nothing wrong with that. They can write all they want about why they don’t ship it, or why it bothers them, or why they think it’s problematic. If it is legitimately triggering to you, then by all means, avoid it, point it out, etc. but do not undermine the reality of abuse simply to point fingers, just because you don’t like a ship. People who intentionally use the anti tag knowing it’ll show up in the main tag, go after people who are literally minding their own business, and accuse people of supporting abuse are the ones looking for a fight, and they’re annoying as hell because they don’t bring anything to the table. No evidence, no analysis, just repeated projection.

To clarify, I’m referring to a specific kind of shipper, not someone who just doesn’t like a ship, but who is so aggressive about it for absolutely no reason. There are plenty of very lovely people in this fandom, who mind their own business, multipship, or just don’t care.

Calling shippers dumb or braindead or toxic (to clarify, this isn’t targeting any one person I’ve seen, but a collective) based on projections and generalizations that come entirely from your own impression of the ship rather than observation is...really biased to me, and comes across as uneducated and trigger happy, rather than constructive or helpful in any way.

I’m not saying someone has to ship anything, or like it, in order to be a ‘good’ participant. But inserting derogatory material into a main tag, and dropping buzzwords with the same tired backing behind it without seeming to understand the implications of those words or acknowledging the development, pacing, and intentional change to the characters within the plot is just...I don’t know, it comes across as redundant, to me at least, and very childish. Aggressive. Toxic. Problematic. Maybe the real toxic shippers were the ones who bitched and moaned along the way. They’re like little kids, stuck in the past, unable to visualize or recognize change, and I think that’s a real shame because it’s preventing them from appreciating the story or its characters as it is, in canon.

But that’s okay, really. To each their own. Interpretations will vary, preferences differ, perspectives are not uniform. There is no one truth. There are five seasons of the show, a feature film, and like, thirty volumes as of this year.

All I’m saying is that if you want to stay stuck in the first season of each character, then that’s what you’re going to get. That’s up to you.

This may be edited or revised.

#bakudeku #meta #my hero academia #boko no hero academia #bnha #mha #bakugou katsuki #izuku midoriya #ok these are just my general thoughts in response to the people who have hang ups about this ship #like y’all need to pls chill tf out ok #this is also not comprehensive and could definitely be elaborated on #but it’s just general thoughts #it’s just addressing general opposition I’ve seen #I never thought I’d ever write this much about this ship wtf

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novantinuum · 3 years

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Interview with a Fic Writer

Tagged by @fordanoia, thank you so much! ;w;;

How many works do you have on AO3?

I have a total of 67 works posted on AO3. (Even more on my ancient FF.net account.)

Of these, 38 are for Steven Universe, 17 are for Gravity Falls, 8 are for Doctor Who, and 5 are for Trollhunters. (One of the Trollhunters fics and one of the Gravity Falls fics are the same story, though- it’s a crossover, ahah!)

Out of the bulk of them, most are one-shots.

What’s your total word count on AO3

271,227 words.

...damn, that’s pretty decent. Hot shit, Jen.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Oh hey, the answer I already gave above! Yeah, I’ve only written for 4 fandoms in my entire life. I’ve actually written tons more Doctor Who than I’ve posted on AO3, but it’s older fic I wrote when I was 12-18, so... not exactly up to my current standards of writing. There’s a reason I haven’t cross-posted many of those.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) Hollowed Moon (AKA the abandoned Spinel and Stevonnie one) with 2,709 kudos

2) Crack the Paragon, my long fic, with 1,398 kudos

3) Shattering Atlas with 627 kudos

4) Contact with 476 kudos

5) Bi the Way... with 279 kudos

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my best to! I’ve made some friends before by responding back and forth in fic comments, so I always think it’s fun to engage with my readers in that way.

Fun fact: if you theorize or muse about lore in the comments of any of my fics, I will also muse about lore with you! I love discussing deep character/plot stuff, and sometimes even go in a bit deeper about my thought process while writing certain bits when people ask me about stuff.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably either Shattering Atlas (mentioned above) or The Price of Freedom, since they’re blatantly Hurt, No Comfort. Even the angstiest of most of my fics tend to suggest a light at the end of the tunnel, but those flat out END in a depressing manner, ahah. Fun to write, but... damn. You were sure goin’ through it then, huh Jen? Pat pat. XD

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever written?

I have posted a single crossover- the start of a Gravity Falls/Trollhunters fusion sort of thing where teen Stanley ends up becoming the trollhunter, and meets Blinky and Arrrgghh. I got 4 chapters and about 15K in before I got sucked into Steven Universe hell, so I never continued it. Wrote a pretty bomb ass fight scene for it, though.

(I co-wrote one other crossover when I was a teen with some friends at a sleepover- it was the most Wild Dumb Bullshit ever, pretty much throwing Spiderman and Sherlock and Bilbo Baggins and the Doctor into a room together and locking the door. @yourstylishmom I know you know what I’m talking about, uhsndghjdj w h e e z e)

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I can recall. The only strange comments I’ve gotten have been like... people debating about Spinel in the comments thread of Hollowed Moon...? That was bizarre. More amusing than anything, though.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I mean, I HAVE written smut before. Your typical kinky bullshit. Have I posted it, though? No. Will I ever? No. It’s for my eyes, and my eyes only.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did do a lot of Fiddauthor RP with @the-ill-doctor back in my Gravity Falls era! Those were some lovely times. ;w; <3 A portion of those RPs have been shared in a fic format, too--> The Time We Lost, the Time We Mended

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I don’t exactly have ONE all-time favorite, but the only ones I’ve ever sat down and created genuine content for are the Doctor/Clara Oswald, Ford/Fiddleford, and Steven/Connie.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Hmmm. Second Skin. There’s only two more short chapters I need to write, but I kinda started writing that as a vent fic, and... I’m (thankfully) not in that mindset anymore.

What are your writing strengths?

I like to think that I write pretty decent character dialogue, and have a knack for capturing the voices of at least a few of ‘em. Some are definitely easier than others, though! Steven, Amethyst, and Greg tend to be the easiest for me when writing SU fic. And back in my Gravity Falls days, I found it easiest to write Ford and Stan.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I don’t know how to write fluff. I don’t understand romance. I technically understand the CONCEPT of it, but I have never myself experienced what I would consider true romantic attraction, so I have no clue what that experience feels like. I tried writing romance once in Ticklish, a teen Steven/Connie fic, but I to this day have no idea if this is what it’s actually LIKE. XD

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don’t really have any opinion on this, truth be told. I’ve never really run into this in the fic I read- but I’m guessing it shows up in plenty of anime fandoms.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Doctor Who! That was the first fandom I read a fic for, too. If we’re counting unpublished fic that we wrote before we understood the concept of fanfiction, though... then the game Blinx the Time Sweeper *wheeze*

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

1) Crack the Paragon. It’s certainly the longest, most recent fic I’ve worked on- and I like to think the character work I’ve dug into with that is pretty neat.

2) Contact. This is the first true finished multichapter SU fic I have, and I think it’s cool to finally look back on this project as a cohesive short story, and be proud of myself for seeing it to the end.

Tagging (if you’re super bored and would like a fun thing to do) fellow writers:

@mimik-u, @fanfoolishness, @infriga, @abel-quartz, @endae

#jen rambles #tag meme

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happyfunf3tti · 3 years

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I’ve always wanted an excuse to talk about Stitch because ever since I was little I always thought "He’s a cute little alien that does funny things!” But I realized as I get older, I start to appreciate his character more. For the longest time he’s always been my favorite Disney character along with Lilo. So I thought I’d finally go into detail about why I love him so much.

From the start, Stitch was created with one purpose only: to destroy. We first see him visibly licking and pounding against the glass. He also snarls at the other aliens. Because of this everyone viewed him as a vile creature. However, the Grandcouncil Woman insists on giving him a chance to see if he can prove himself to not be as disobedient as he’s revealed. He responds by swearing in his native language Tantalog (given how the aliens react). This whole scene alone establishes his character as rude and nasty.

So they lock him to the ceiling to make sure he does not escape. Since the blasters are connected to his blood every little movement that Stitch does causes the blasters to track him. So he cleverly uses his saliva to make an escape.

He then steals one of the cruisers and transports himself to Earth. Once he reaches the planet, he's incredibly curious about his surroundings but once it starts raining the first thing he does is try and shoot it. Why? Because it's all tied to his programming. It's the only thing he does. He even tries to attack a frog (which he later tries to protect due to a growing fondness for other creatures). He also sees three trucks which he also attempts to attack but immediately gets run over.

Stitch gets sent to an animal shelter and notices the other dogs around him. Not knowing what they are, he growls and attempts to blast them not realizing that he doesn’t have his blasters. He crawls out but sees Dr. Jumba and Pleakley looking for him. He then has the idea of disguising himself as a dog. I love how Stitch doesn’t even attempt to act like a normal dog such as saying “Hiiii” to Lilo when she says hello to him.

From this point on, he repeatedly uses them as a shield, not really caring for them. Even when Lilo shows small displays of affection towards Stitch, he quickly brushes it off. It’s all his act to blend in. But as time goes on, Stitch’s friendship with Lilo starts to grow and he starts to have a change of heart.

She teaches him how to be more civil and prove others that he’s truly a good person. It sadly backfires due to his destructive nature interfering because that’s all Stitch was created to be....a monster.

”That’s us before...it was rainy, and they went for a drive. What happened to yours? I hear you cry at night. Do you dream about them? I know that’s why you wreck things and push me.”

He immediately starts to feel bad when others get mad with him for the things he does. All he wants is a sense of purpose and belonging. And nowhere is that scene better shown in the scene where he remembers the book that he showed Lilo: The Ugly Duckling. This book is crucial for Stitch’s identity because it perfectly represents who he is. Like Lilo, he’s an outcast who is shunned by others for who they are. Lilo openly admits to him that the only thing left of her family is she and her sister he could be apart of it. Which is the very thing that Stitch wants.

Once he starts growing a personality of his own, he starts to have a crisis about his purpose. As evidenced by this line of dialogue:

“Don’t make me shoot you. You were expensive. Yes. Yes, that’s it. Come quietly.”

“ Mm…waiting.”

“For what?”

“Family.”

“Ah! You don’t have one. I made you.”

“Oh.... maybe I could...”

“You’re built to destroy. You can never belong.” Here, Jumba bluntly tells him that due to his aggressive nature no one would ever accept him. But by the end much to his and everyone else’s surprise, Stitch shows how kind-hearted he really is. Even the Grand Councilwoman is genuinely surprised at how much Stitch has changed from the last time she saw him. She briefly hoped that he isn’t as bad as everyone else believes him to be but it quickly changes when Stitch shows no sign of empathy during Jumba’s trial.

“YOU! YOU'RE THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS! IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR EXPERIMENT 626! NONE OF THIS-” “Stitch!”

“What?”

“My name Stitch.” “Stitch, then. If it wasn't for Stitch- [realizes what just happened, turns back to Stitch]

“Does Stitch have to go in the ship?”

[shocked, hesitant] ...Yes.”

“Can Stitch say goodbye?” “Yes.”

“Thank you.”

This....this scene really does show that he really how much he’s grown. From an aggressive and monstrous to a sweet natured and compassionate little guy. It’s all because Nani and Lilo have taught him the importance of Ohana. Caring for others and doing what ever it takes to protect them. Families go through rough things but will always come together at the end. Something Stitch will forever take to heart.

#character analysis #lilo and stitch #disney #stitch #cotton candy analyzes

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osleyakomwonkru · 4 years

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The 100 Fandom and Lack of Object Permanence

One thing I’ve noticed in this fandom is that fans - and often the writers too - fail to understand just how little time a lot of the characters have spent in each other’s presence. They assume much closer relationships between characters than is logical for the time they’ve spent together.

Now, yes, we often see them under stressful situations and stress brings people together in unique ways, but to really know someone you also need a variety of experiences - not just stressful murder-filled ones. Those less stressful situations, however, rarely make it to screen, or if they do it is just in short flashbacks, so people forget just how much time has passed off-screen.

Thus this post - a guide for fandom (and belatedly for the writers), who really need to learn how to understand object permanence - that is, the understanding that things (be they people, animals, inanimate objects, places, etc.) continue to exist even when they cannot be perceived (seen, touched, smelled, etc.).

Which is to say: We have spent seven years (give or take for when you got into the fandom) with these characters. But in most cases they have not spent that amount of time with each other. And when they have, it has mostly been off-screen, but this time is still important because it has major implications for how relationships between characters are and should be.

I’ve done the math on how much time characters have spent near each other, using the timeline on The 100’s Fandom wiki. Now, this doesn’t necessarily even mean they interacted each of these days, just that they were in the same places at the same times, so there was the potential for interaction.

“Day” is also flexible - sometimes they may have been present in the same place for the entire 24 hours, sometimes only a few minutes. This also omits the 125 years of cryo, because they were not conscious with the possibility of interaction. “Delinquent” in this context refers to those characters who were born in space who then inhabited the dropship camp in season 1 - that is, the 100 prisoners plus Bellamy and Raven.

I’m not going to get into every single pairing/grouping of characters, because that would take forever. But just some of the key ones.

Some of these results might shock you.

Octavia has spent more time with Echo than she has with Clarke.

Despite now being 33 years old (and thus the oldest Delinquent), Octavia has spent less than 7 years living in a society that contains more than two other people. The only living characters she’s spent more than ten years of her life with are Hope and Bellamy.

The longest continuously serving Earth/Earth-orbit-born leader since the Pilot has been Octavia, who ruled Wonkru for 6 years. It is possible that Jaha or Lexa might have had a longer period of rule overall, but the majority of it would have been before the Pilot episode.

Despite not appearing in a scene together between 3x15 and 6x02, nor being in the same locations at all from 3x15 to 5x13, Octavia and Raven have spent more time with each other than their combined total of days spent with Clarke. (That is, Octavia and Raven’s time together is more than Octavia’s time with Clarke PLUS Raven’s time with Clarke.)

Besides the Blake siblings and old married couple Monty and Harper, the two pairs of Delinquents who have spent the most time together are Octavia and Miller and Bellamy and Raven.

Bellamy and Clarke have only been in each other’s presence for 89 days. Given that Bellamy experienced no memory loss in either direction when traveling to/from Etherea and Bardo, this means that they must run at the same speed, and this means that Bellamy has spent more time with Doucette (sometimes known as Steve) than he has with Clarke.

Octavia and Murphy have only been in each other’s presence for 37 days, half of those in season 1 when Murphy was still the Camp Asshole, so Hope’s line about liking Murphy in 7x02 is pure fanservice because Octavia does not have the stories about Murphy as the Lovable Rogue that other characters do. It is also entirely possible that Octavia doesn’t even know Emori’s name, having only been in each other’s presence briefly in 3x16, 4x12, 5x12, 6x03 and 6x13.

If we accept as canon the deleted lines that Indra was the one to torture and infect Murphy in season 1, Murphy has spent almost as much time with Indra as he has with Octavia, and has exchanged more dialogue with her than he has with Octavia, who he hasn’t exchanged dialogue with since season 1.

Monty’s mistrust of Murphy in 4x13 might seem out of place, given what we’ve seen of Murphy’s growth over the previous two seasons, until you realize that save for a potential brief encounter during their shared time in Arkadia during 4x03, Monty hadn’t seen Murphy since season 1.

Murphy did not see a single Delinquent during the 112 days that passed from 2x11 to 3x06, until he met Clarke again in 3x07 and was in the presence of Bellamy, Octavia and Miller starting from 3x15. The only other main character he saw during that time was Jaha. These 112 days represent over half of the time (200 days) that the Delinquents spent on Earth prior to Praimfaya.

Jordan and Hope were born after Madi, but are older than her. They are also both older than every Delinquent character with the exception of Bellamy (29) and Octavia (33), being 26 and 25 years of age respectively, while the remaining delinquents (Clarke, Raven, Murphy, Miller) are 23/24.

The longest lasting romantic relationship between characters where both are still living is that between Miller and Jackson. Murphy and Emori come in second (because of their occasional on-again off-again situation, while we haven’t heard of the same being the case for Miller and Jackson).

Now, some might say that physical time together doesn’t matter in the face of fire-forged bonds and still “knowing” the other characters even if they aren’t physically present with each other. Now, to a point that could be true. However, what is also true - and the big point here - is that the more time characters spend apart from each other, the greater the chances that they build up their own versions of each other in their minds (and stories) rather than knowing who the real person is. This was especially the case in season 5 after what was a six year time jump for everybody, and it is coming back into play now in season 7 where the amount of time that has passed varies depending on character.

Will this ever be properly addressed? In canon, I doubt it. But maybe there can be some references to it, we can always hope.

#the 100 #the 100 meta #object permanence #octavia blake #echo kom spacekru #clarke griffin #raven reyes #bellamy blake #john murphy #nathan miller #emori kom spacekru

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fordanoia · 3 years

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Fic Writer Interview

I was tagged way way back by @endae (my beloved). Thank you for the tag!!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

19 (haha), I really gotta work on moving all my paranoid ford one shots over into a one shot series though. I have about 70 fic posts on here.

What’s your total word count on AO3

180,212. Half of which all comes from Gotham Falls which isn’t a surprise.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Mainly just Gravity Falls.

I wouldn’t really count the other stuff I’ve done because it’s only been 1 fic, and that was it really. R.ise of the Guardians, O.utlast:Whistleblower, S.anders Sides. N.aruto and D.eath Note if you wanna go way back.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Even Stone Crumbles 2. I Think I Saw You 3. Gotham Falls 4. A Blinded Eye for a Blinded Eye 5. Please Come

I’m pretty happy ITISY is up there since that’s kind of my ‘best series work’, Blinded Eye too, that one’s been a lot of fun to write because it’s a ficlet series.

Kind of really thrown that the Even Stone Crumbles one shot is the hightest one though, dang people really just wanted to see Ford cry huh, I can accomodate that.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Uh... rarely.

Basically, it’s something where creators responding to me got me nervous so I didn’t generally do it as a creator myself until I found out some consider it polite to respond and since then I’ve been making an effort of doing it going forward.

I’m not online that often nowadays though so... I haven’t done it much.

Wanna emphasize tho how much I THRIVE off of comments and that I appreciate them even if I didn’t reply to them. Genuinely I’ve made fics a higher priority bc a comment revitalized my passion for the fic.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Most of my paranoid one shots wind up with angsty endings where it’s implied that Ford just has to keep Living in it.

I had one where he woke up and thought Bill had Killed A Person while he was possessing him, and it leaves off an unsettling note.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever written?

Rarely. I wouldn’t consider myself a crossover person, which is funny because I have one exception for that and it IS Gotham Falls (which is the stan twins from gf inside of gotham from b.atman the animated series).

For the sake of the question though imma include rp for wildest thing I’ve ever done which was rp as Chris McLean from total drama island and hosted a game of ‘rabbit doubt’ (which is an angsty rp game where 1 person is a killer and is killing the other characters until they’re the only one left or the group discovers who it is). Players included bill, some undertale characters, and etc.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No. Worst I’ve ever gotten was slightly rude stuff.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

‘Rarely’ really is the word of the day here. Some g.ravity falls and some vamp oc content.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. Closest I’ve ever done has been rp. Remembered I co-wrote a fic with a friend when I was in middle school. Dual self-insert where the a.katsuki (from n.aruto) kidnapped us from our world and we wound up becoming ninjas.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

hands down, B.illford. Manipulative and toxic is a ship dynamic I enjoy a lot.

Honorable second place B.lackice (J.ack Frost/P.itch Black) which i’ve been coming back to read fics for every long once in a while since 2013. Even if it’s only in spurts it is still technically the longest I’ve cared for a ship. (Surprisingly, I actually like this ship when Pitch genuinely reforms, kozmotis style)

(I don’t care about the vast majority of ships so not a hard competition here.)

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Gotham F- lol no, I’m determined to not die until I finish that bad boy.

Dear Stan(ford). Unfortunately, an easy answer. I’ve never gone back to finish it really, and it’s the lowest on the totem poles out of all my wips.

There’s nothing wrong with it, and it’s got good legs, but I think the slice-of-life sort of pace makes this harder for me to write especially with it being an episodic set up which gives me nothing much to jump to between each letter.

It’s a bit of a ‘as the mood strikes me’ but I always have something higher priority and I’m more invested in so the mood never strikes.

What are your writing strengths?

I’d like to think that once I’ve got a character down that I can do their dialogue really well and character interactions. Characterization in general.

Also tense scenes.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Fluff, casual conversations, new characters, fighting.

Whenever I try anything entirely light hearted I generally fall flat and it all comes out so stocky/woody.

New characters, if I don’t Know A Character Through and Have A True Feel for them, then I just flounder all over the place. I don’t know how to write if I don’t know what they’d be thinking and feeling past about how ANY person would think/feel.

Fighting - I mean hell, common weakness, same issue as fluff/slice-of-life I just feel like I’m pushing words. Half the time I can get in a groove with it, but other times it’s - arm hit wall, punch go to face but miss.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Yeah, more than fine. If the 2nd language becomes plot important then I think you should either include translation or mark the language as multilingual, but yeah nah.

I’m someone that has to know what it’s saying even if it’s not Plot Important so I prefer the translations regardless (if google translate won’t get the point across for me).

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

N.aruto.

See above for mention of that self insert a.katsuki kidnapping fic.

We posted it on quizilla, and it��s a shame it’s gone because it was actually fun to read from what I remember.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

.... That’s a hard decision.

My baby is Gotham Falls, always has been. I’ve reached a difficult point on it though because I’m at a point where I’m bringing in mmm 6 new characters (B.atman villains) which I’m trying to bring in over the next 10 chapters PLUS it’s going to be with fight/action scenes probably every other chapter if not nearly every chapter - both of which are really hard for me to write. I adore it probably the most and it is easily the most I’ve worked on any fic, but it’s also my biggest challenge. (And it holds some of my oldest writing which as always can hurt to read when you’re better now, but NO way am i updating 60k of old work).

Then I love doing p.aranoid ford fics, they’re my favorite go to. Writing A Prime P.aranoid Ford fic that just flows out is one of my favorite things.

Alternatively - ITISY because it’s definitely my top 5 story concepts and one of my best executions of something wasn’t a one shot.

I’m tagging @pinesbrosfalls, @fexalted, @novantinuum and whoever else may like to do this. Sorry if I double tagged and no pressure to do it of course.

#long post #tag meme #ask game #fic talk #fordachat

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herenortherenearnorfar · 3 years

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Thanks @aipilosse for the tag! My AO3 account (this one at least) is a bit less curated than most. I’ve been using it since the age of 16 and have gone through the requisite teenage interests and then some so some of these answer will be a blast from the past.

How many works do you have on AO3?

What’s your total AO3 word count?

Just over 500k

How many fandoms have you written for and what a they?

According to the drop down menu, 27! A lot of them are overlaps but I’ve still covered a lot of ground over the years. Niche YA, children’s movies, non-niche bestselling YA, Star Wars, anime. A few things I’m still interested in, a few I’m not. Sometimes I get a little embarrassed that there’s a paper trail of all my old fascinations but it is nice to have an archeological record of the last few years.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

For It Shines Bright and Never Changes, a 90k Kubo and the Two Strings AU from 2016-2018. My longest and most popular story. I’m actually proud of the planning that went into it.

Aftermath of an Announcement, a frankly kind of shoddily written Steven Universe fic that I remember writing at midnight on the couch outside my bedroom in England. Inexplicably recommended on TvTropes, which might explain the ridiculously disproportionate attention it got?

Regina, a decent little SvTFoE story that got some very good abandoned artwork. Thoroughly disproven bu the rest of the show, I think? I never finished watching it.

The Most Valuable Resource. Probably what my Silm friends know me from! Sauron and baby Celebrimbor in Angband at the very beginning of the first age. I fell in love with writing Sauron in this, he’s a rather delightful awful.

Obsidian Sister, more cartoons, more sibling relationship drama, lots of hopeful worldbuilding for something that I kind of lost interest in. A good read on review though.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes! I love comments and getting replies to them so I always try to respond. My only regret is that it can sometimes take me too long to get people their responses. @everyone I am sorry!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably my most recent one? I do tend to lean towards canon compliant vignettes when I’m bored and those can be bittersweet at best but not outright tragic. In most stories there’s a seed of hope, however deeply buried it is.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

No crossovers that I can recall. Keep in mind that I’ve forgotten a good portion of that 75 fic backlog.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

A few times but it was mostly confusing? I simply didn’t know what to do with it. It’s like being handed a dead lizard by a cat, yes, you’re very proud of this but I’m not sure where it’s supposed to go.

I did once spend several paragraphs defending Elwing in the comments of a story I’d written about Elwing.

Do you write smut? if so what kind?

Not attached to this fake internet identity I don’t.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, one of them showed up on Wattpad once? I only found out because I was googling a nice fic rec someone wrote for the same story. In the end I didn’t do anything about it. Maybe my entire oeuvre is on Wattpad but I doubt it because I stopped writing Avengers fanfic a very long time ago.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Several of my Silm fics have been translated into Russian. It’s a privilege every time and I love going and seeing the final result!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. Used to do a bit of silly RP when I was younger but it’s not quite the same.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Hmm, I like Silvergifting quite a lot but I have a weak spot for trios. They feel more harmonic. Eonwë/Elwing/Eärendil is probably my favorite Silm ship, for example, though I’ve only written the one story for them. If we’re talking favorite of all time then I suppose we’d have to go back to the basics. Nancy Drew/Bess/George.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Often by the time I exert the energy to put something down on paper I’m already pretty committed to finishing it? A lot of my drafting goes on in my head so I only have a few WIPs in type from the past year and only one that I think I can discard as abandoned. It’s a Micheal and Sasha Magnus Archives Spirally self delusion and dreams story.

What are your writing strengths?

Decent worldbuilding and turn of phrase? I know I can make a sentence hit, which is good. And I am quite proud of some of my backstory work and research, including some hard scrabble conlang despite my absolute lack of a linguistics background

What are your writing weaknesses?

Too bogged down by melodrama, too many runon sentences, poor grammatical skills. Also I struggle a lot with giving characters distinct speaking voices; they all end up sounding like me which is no good. I’d like to be better at descriptions as well.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I swap my standards around depending on the feeling of the story and the concepts I’m trying to convey to the reader. Fëa might work for a short specialist one-shot about Gondorian scholars discussing elven concepts but then in a story from Celebrimbor’s perspective I’d use the more generic “soul”. Formality, familiarity, ease of access to lay Tolkien readers, the perspective of the characters and what their “native tongue” is keeping in mind that most of the Silm+ is designed as a translation. There are lots of factors. Same goes for a story with terms in Chinese or another extant language.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

On this account? A book about teens and magic. Online? The 39 Clues, a co-written boook series for middle grade children. Ever as a human being? It depends on if you count when I was very small and would lead my sisters in games where I was Aragorn niece and we were fighting at the Battle of Pelennor Fields.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I’m fond of The Thousand Stories, for all that it’s experimental and indulgent. It was a chance to really explore stories about stories and what else is fan fiction for?

It looks like just about everyone else has been hit so @ameliarating and @feanorianethicsdepartment do feel welcome to take a swing if you’re so inclined.

#tag meme #about

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witchfall · 3 years

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thank you @concertconfetti!!! this was fun!!!

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How many works do you have on AO3?

15. I very much take 2 year long hiatuses, re-emerge to dump my new hyperfixation OC on everyone, and then depart under mysterious circumstances.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

238647.

Literally I do not shut up.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Final Fantasy XIV (7)

Dragon Age: Inquisition (3)

Detroit: Become Human (Video Game) (2)

Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime) (1)

Dragon Age (Video Games) (1)

Stardew Valley (Video Game) (1)

Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates (1)

Two of those are Dragon Age lol. "How do you have 200k words for this little content" you and me both would like to know! My DBH longfic probably largely to blame tho lmao.

What are your top five fics by kudos?

the silver lining still remains (complete dbh longfic featuring one of my many ocs. Still proud of this one tho its flaws are more noticeable to me now.)

hard is the heart that feels no fear (my first fic for ffxiv! I played shadowbringers and fell in love with a catboy. What else is new.)

a divine invention (my ffxivwrite from last year! proud of it mostly because i did it while juggling returning to work and a 3 month old. I am not doing it this year. For reasons. Such as that 3 month old being 15 months old now LOL)

The only way back (shout out to my one Yuri on Ice!!! fic, blond yuri-centric. also literally my only piece without an oc I think LOL)

old souls (my ffxiv 5.3 fic, because it got me right in the fuckinnnnn soul.)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! Sometimes I don't have the energy but I do try. I just tend to put it off.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I tend to write happy endings as a rule but my DBH longfic involves a lot of trauma recovery lmao. Also my Dragon Age fics...mostly because they were written before Inquisition came out I think.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I do not. I'm often encouraging masq to write hers tho. LOL

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don't think so, but then, I'm p oblivious to backhanded compliments. I do get some 'I don't usually read ocs, but...' but its always invariably 'but your oc slaps and I would kill and die for her' which I just take as a compliment lol.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah, though this is a recent development! Only in context of loving relationships though. So far. kajsldkj

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

if i had they did a good heist cuz I ain't seen it.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no but maybe one day!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

my ocs/happiness with the ones they love. :smirk:

I have a DEEP soft spot for Emma/Connor (DBH) though. Dunno what it is about them...

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a star wars wip. I really like some of the writing in it. Don't know if it will ever see the light of day, sadly...it's an oc/rey/kylo fic and I think it's interesting!

What are your writing strengths?

i am told I have good prose! people tend to like my character work, too. i think!

I also really enjoy writing fight scenes, I've come to realize lol.

What are your writing weaknesses?

i think i struggle the most in the process with pacing and dialogue lol. definitely takes me the longest to figure out. Also. Remembering smell exists as a sense. LOL.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I don't!

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

oh man uhhhh. I'm really proud of 'old souls'. wrote that in a fugue state after 5.3. I'm also really proud of my completed longfic, as you might have gathered at this point, but I did write 100k words of it! So I have a contractual obligation to like it!!!!!!

but my current fave -- and I think most reflective of where I am as a writer -- is my ongoing stardew fic, not now but soon. It's personal to me in a lot of ways (reflecting on loss of a mother and finding your way after that) and frankly some of my best writing so far! Which is nice to know I am getting better and not worse. lkajsldkajsd

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tagging @thepapernautilus, @vaniccio @verthunder @ceterisques @popsicletheduck and anyone else i forgot

#sdv fic #ffxiv fic #my writing!!!!!#long post

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mars-colony · 3 years

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Writing Tag

I was tagged, forever ago, by @tarberrymentats! Thank you so much Halk for the tag!

I’ll tag @anonymouscosmos, @theggning, @tanaleth, @purple-martin111, @allisondraste, @juniper-tree, and @aviatorfics, as well as anyone else that would like to do this! Also no pressure if you don’t want to.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? Seven, with three different pairings, and two fandoms. Obligatory link to my AO3.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 141,297 words

3. What are you top 5 fics by kudos? Keep Close - Paladin Danse x F! Sole Survivor (214) Belief - Paladin Danse x F! Sole Survivor (151) Learning Curve - Paladin Danse x F! Sole Survivor (131) Morning Negotiations - Paladin Danse x F! Sole Survivor (70) WARM - John Hancock x F! Sole Survivor (61)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try so hard to reply to every comment, but i get overwhelmed between updates and fail to do so. So shout out to the 17 unread comments in my inbox, I love every single one of you with my entire heart I just physically cannot get myself to respond I'm so so so so sorry.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? My fic has a LOT of angst in it, but I'm not really big on angsty endings? There isn't really a reason for the angst for me if we don't get through it into something lighter?

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? Happy endings would require me to actually finish something. Also I'm a sap so it'll all probs end happily.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve written? I am not a fan of crossovers.

*amendment to this* I once wrote a self insert high school au with like all my fave anime characters??? Cringe cultures dead right lol 😂

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? I don't think so?? Which is incredible as someone that started writing and sharing fic at the young and incredibly embarrassing age of 11.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I sure do, boy howdy. It is all incredibly emotional with plot and lots of praise and body worship. I'm a little vanilla but you know what. I do what I want. It's interesting to look at different characters and examine their dynamics in smutty situations. I think it appeals to me a lot as a demisexual person because sexual attraction is rare for me and very special and intimate?? I dunno, it's about the trust, for me. Also it's fun. I like making awkward smut also, because if you don't laugh and have a good time what's the fucking point??

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but hey that would be absolutely awesome.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Once upon a time on a fashion website we brutally misused, there was a death note fan fiction written by a gaggle of middle school (all the way until most of us were in college) girls, role playing as genius orphans that rivaled the word count of the Les Mis novel. The drama was impeccable, and I have that RP to blame for the majority of my progress as a writer. I would not be nearly as skilled as I am today without it, and all of those women still hold a HUGE place in my heart, I think of them like once a day at least.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship? To no one's surprise, it's Danse x Sole Survivor. Not just Dollie, but like any sole that treats him right.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I'm not sure? Probably my Outerworld's snippets? Who knows, we'll see.

15. What are your writing strengths? I've been told I'm very good at dialogue, and can get people to feel specific emotions. These of course, are such amazing compliments, they mean the world to me. Dialogue is something I used to struggle with so I put a lot of time and effort into improving, and portraying emotion is just my general goal with writing of all kinds.

16. What are you writing weaknesses? Probs my perfectionism. If you've been following me for an extended amount of time you're probably aware that I mention having rewritten things multiple times before publishing lol. That isn't an exaggeration in the slightest. I need to lighten up in this area tbh.

17. What are your thoughts one writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I'm not really a good source for this one, as I can only speak one language. But it doesn't bother me either way really. Like, you could write it as "so and so said in Spanish" or actually put the Spanish in there. Doesn't bother me either way. I like it being included, and I don't mind reading subtitles in my visual media so meh.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Naruto, lol (I was XLadyxInuzukaxNinjaX on ye old quizilla)

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? If my favoritism isn't blatant already, it's definitely Keep Close. It's my longest, longest running, and most fleshed out fic. The characters are special to me, and I’m learning a lot about writing from it. It’s also kind of a character study and it’s just really enjoyable to write and I love it.

#I was tagged #writing tag #fan fiction #chono writes

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nagisasstunningpersonality · 3 years

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TINSITOGS, a retrospective (happy birthday)

(yes I’m like two days too late I know I’m sorry)

Why hello followers and ass class fandom, nice to see you there. I’m sure MOST people know about this, but in case you don’t, hi. On AO3 I’m better known as livixbobbiex, writer of maybe one of the most infamous Assassination Classroom fics.

Which I mean like, if you haven’t read it yet you totally should it’s fanlore at this point I promise-

Shameless plug that I don’t need aside, I felt that, on its first birthday since actual completion, I just wanted to share some things about it. Some tit bits about writing it, fun facts, maybe even some author advice TM. I appreciate that it’ll be super annoying if I do that in the tags, though, so that’ll all be under the cut. If you don’t want to read the whole post, then no matter what, thanks for the support in general!

I also want to take the opportunity to announce that I’ve reopened my discord, so if you want to talk about my fics with me (and others), you’re more than welcome to join! (the link is here)

The origin story

I’ve stated this many times, I think, but TINSITOGS was never supposed to be a serious story. Taking you back, quite a long time, it actually started in a facebook DM with a friend. We used to come up with “head canons” with each other, which were basically just very condensed fanfiction plots over a multitude of text messages. I believe I was trying to cheer her up, and I tried to come up with some kind of plot line.

At the time, I was fairly fresh to the Ass Class fandom, and I was joking about how there were no teen pregnancy melodrama fanfictions. It wasn’t that I wanted one, I just thought it was strange for a school centric anime with a bunch of ships to NOT have one. And, back then, I only really cared about karmagisa. So I just decided ‘right it’s happening’. The reason I decided to make it ABO was due to ‘it making sense’. Fun fact: it was almost written as AFAB trans Nagisa, but I decided against it as I didn’t rate my ability to handle it well back then. Looking back on it, I’m glad I made that decision.

Over around two months, writing out the plot of this story took over my life a little bit. I had no idea where I was going with it, but I was having so much fun with the drama that I decided that Karma and Nagisa shouldn’t get together soon at all, and I had a lot of fun teasing my friend with the ‘will they won’t they’. It was only when I got bored that I invented this intense drama plotline to finish it all off.

That period of time was a lot of fun. And whilst that friendship didn’t end well, I still have a lot to thank her for. She chose Daichi’s name because I had no idea, and she wanted to annoy me because I didn’t like Haikyuu. When I couldn’t decide on his hair colour, the purple was her suggestion because ‘why logic?’ Daichi speaking Korean was because of how much she liked Kpop. She even helped me choose the title of the actual fic, so there’s a lot you can thank her for, honestly.

After I finished that story, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Whenever I daydreamed, I used to think about that damn Daichi Akabane, and how much I wanted to tell his story. I’d even come up with extra stuff to fill in a lot of the gaps, and developed his character in my mind. I decided that I was really desperate to write it down. Usually that worked when I had an idea I wanted to work through.

I wrote the first chapter in late 2017, and then the next two as well. I just, kept going, and realised that I could go further still. TINSITOGS was never something that was supposed to be shared, but I decided I may as well. After all, that fated ‘teen pregnancy drama’ fic still didn’t exist, and I thought it would be funny to make it happen.

Yes, as I’ve stated publicly a few times, TINSITOGS was a crack fic. If I wanted attention from it, it was infamy. We even joked about me cursing the fandom if it ever became the most popular fic (whoops?). What I wasn’t expecting was a bunch of people, in a fandom where at the time there were NO ongoing karmagisa fics and it was pretty dead, to really seem to enjoy it. It was enough to have me keep writing it, at least. I still don’t know at what point I actually started taking it seriously, but somehow I did, and the rest is history?

The reception

In my wildest dreams, I never thought that I would be the author of one of the most popular fics in the fandom. To this day, the amount of views TINSITOGS has is insanity to me. For the record, across all platforms it’s on today it has 238,000, which is literally a number I can’t even visualise anymore. Almost quarter of a MILLION. To this day on AO3, it’s the most viewed Ass Class fic that’s an ACTUAL ass class fic (the others are multi fandom compilations). So yeah, I achieved the original goal, I guess?

Now you might be wondering, “omg the karmagisa fandom is fujoshi trash”. And, considering the origins, it is kind of funny. The thing is, though, TINSITOGS was written at incredibly good time. It was written when there were, essentially, very few long form Karma/Nagisa stories. If any other fics did get posted on occasion, they were usually just oneshots. I was also, at that point, writing very fast. A symptom of ADHD is becoming obsessively productive over certain things. Since I was able to get a 3k chapter out every few days/once a week, TINSITOGS was consistently bumped to the top of AO3′s default view. And some of those first few chapters were altered canon, and transcribing the canon dialogue didn’t take very long. The more views it got, the more people would read it out of sheer curiosity.

I think it also helps that, at least after it started getting some positive feedback (which was honestly after the pre written chapters), I purposely tried to make it ‘not terrible’. I mean, I personally think the first chapter is pretty weak and if it wasn’t somewhat iconic to a lot of people I’d rewrite it. But in general, I purposely tried to make the world of ABO my own, to make it more accessible to those who don’t like that genre, and stay away from the inherently grosser stuff as much as possible. I genuinely do get comments about how I introduced people to the genre as a whole, still not sure if that’s a GOOD thing but hey, it happened.

TINSITOGS turned into a lot more than just a joke. It turned into my favourite hobby. It turned into a research project (honestly, you would not believe the amount of mummy vlogs and legit scientific articles about child development I consumed). It turned into something that, at least I believe, was widely loved.

Meaning

I think it might be wrong to say that I don’t have AN idea of when I started to take the fic super seriously. For me, it was around the time someone commented something along the lines of saying my writing meant a lot to them, that they’d spent all night reading it and had been unable to put it down.

Not to get too dark here, but I do have a past in writing a very long, somewhat popular fic (it’s still on my fanfic net profile if anyone’s interested, but I don’t recommend it). However, in the latter part of my teenage years, the depression struck. Writing was the love of my life, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore. Maybe I’d be able to muster an idea or even a chapter at the best points of that, but I’d never completely finished any story. Starting to write again was a huge step in my recovery, and one of the reasons I convinced myself that life was worth it was being able to impact someone’s life somehow. Even to this day, I still remember the fics I read when I was, like, thirteen. How much I still remember them, and how much they meant to be at the time. I wanted to be that writer for someone else. To be honest, it was actually Yuri!!! On Ice that got me out of the super bad, but I still never wrote anything of real consequence. TINSITOGS was the first time in a long time I actually committed to something.

And, to be completely honest, there were a lot of times I was tired of it, and wanted to just quit. But, the thing was, I felt like people depended on me in a way. I got so many comments that were just FILLED with support, telling me how much they looked forward to every update. It wasn’t just empty words, either, a lot of the times these comments would be super engaged with the actual writing. I can’t even describe just how much they meant to me, how much I would look forward to reading everyone’s opinions. And then discord happened, which was a lot of fun.

TINSITOGS went a lot further than I ever thought it would. There were comments, discussions, fan art, fan FIC (which is honestly incredible to me). Someone even added it to TV Tropes, at one point. Not to mention the Cards Against Humanity deck and quiz It makes me so unbelievably happy that I could inspire that much creativity, but it’s a two way street. It was all of that which inspired me to write, too.

Writing

The only real goal I actually had was aiming for around 3000 words per chapter. I had a whole facebook log of plot points as planning, and I was mostly just trying to expand on them into prose. I honestly thought that, at its completion, the entire fic would be around 100k words, if that. Not, at one point, being literally the longest ass class fic on AO3.

There are a lot of aspects that were directly adapted from the original messages, and I tried to stay faithful to it more so at first, even if I later removed some of the pure crack. But the style was also vaguely similar, with the story being told mostly from Nagisa’s perspective with swaps to Karma when it made sense. All the main plot beats, too, are pretty much identical. The plus to this was I was able to add a lot of really fun foreshadowing, and I feel like it’s a fun reread because of it.

Honestly though, if there’s a demand to release those OG message logs, I will. Mostly because it’s kind of funny, and interesting to see. Isogai and Nagisa were engaged at one point, even.

Obviously, it changed somewhat. 3000 was the minimum length, and the time to completion was whenever it felt right. One of my big concerns was about pacing, so it took a lot more fleshing out and maybe ‘filler’ content for some of the main arcs to work.

There’s parts of TINSITOGS I don’t think aren’t written that well, and some that I’m still super proud of. I think you can definitely tell there’s a gradual shift in style, and I get a lot more comfortable with writing them as characters as it goes along. To be honest, my pride for the fic overall is what it represents.

It is funny to think about the places it got written in, though. I started it when I worked at McDonalds with no life direction, then it went through my first year of university with me. It’s been written in at least four countries. Aeroplanes, night clubs, long haul buses, a train through the Japanese southern coastline. Even the start of covid. TINSITOGS managed to see a lot. I even turned a scene in (the boat scene during the India chapter with altered names) to my university as a legitimate assignment.

There were also a few messages I wanted to achieve, once I realised I had the platform to put them across. One of them was, obviously, ‘use protection kids’. It was important to me that I didn’t glamorise it too much, and I think that came across. I also wanted to dispute some of the issues with ABO, and subvert the consent issues as much as I could. An arc I really ‘liked’ writing was how abuse doesn’t always look the same way, and that it can be a drawn out change in behaviour. How the most important part of ‘being a good parent’ isn’t perfection, but genuinely loving and doing the best you can for your kid. How love doesn’t solve everything, and effective communication can take a very long time to learn and build a functional relationship. I mean, there definitely was a lot I tried to put in, and you’re free to interpret it all how you want. But, I like to think some people learnt some of these things, at least.

Daichi

Honestly, Daichi developed almost of his own free will. I had a good idea of his appearance, and that he was smart. Writing him from birth until around nine years old (older if you read the sequel fic) pretty much allowed that fluidity. It was really fun to explore a nature vs nurture development, and let his own characteristics speak for themselves.

He’ll always have a special place in my heart.

This is the first image I ever made. When I was trying to figure out what Daichi looked like, I honestly just edited Karma’s hair (pretty well, actually? I’m impressed with my past skill). That’s where the ‘he looks just like Karma’ meme kind of came from.

This was the first image I actually created of Daichi. I THINK it was on rinmaru games mega anime creator or something, but it’s literally not available on the internet anymore as far as I can tell, so I can’t double check. This was in the pre-piccrew days. His eyes are closed because they didn’t have the right tone of goldish/silver.

His sister, Kaguya, didn’t even exist originally, even though I decided on that ending pretty early on. Actually, she was going to be called ‘Irina’ due to some hijinks. Initially, when Karma found out about Irina’s pregnancy, she was going to get super emotional and mad at him and basically force him to name his first born daughter after her. Karma agreed to shut her up, never intending to have another child, so when the surprise second child later came along they had to live with the pain. However, to be honest I just forgot to write in the actual scene that set it all up, and I decided against adding it anywhere else. The name Kaguya was a very last minute decision, and it was a chance for me to explore some ideas that didn’t fit with Daichi’s character.

Interestingly too, Daichi and Nao were never intended to be a thing. I only decided that towards the VERY end. Even though the reason I named Nao that was because of a ship I had in a J Drama (Good Morning Call). It just kind of ended up happening because I won myself over with imagining the cute.

The music

I used to write with a lot of background music, though not all the time. Particularly towards the start, there was a lot that didn’t really make sense thematically, yet I would write to a lot.

Here’s a link to the spotify playlist if you want it it’s basically all the ones I noted I’d listened to a lot. Not including the smut ones, though, I have a whole playlist for that.

Some of the notable ones:

Five String Serenade - the first scene I wrote of the entire fic, in Chapter 25 New Year Time where they fell asleep cuddling.

Cosmic Love - when I wrote Nagisa’s love confession scene in hospital (I also wrote this pretty early on)

Northern Downpour (though it was actually a cover by Emma Blackery) - The chapter after Daichi’s born (30)

When The Party’s Over - Confession Time Third Period, Chapter 69. I literally listened to this song on REPEAT when I planned and wrote the kind of ‘break up’ scene, and it’s one of the few parts that made me cry writing.

Turning Page - I know I said no smut, but this song actually gave me the idea to have the “I love you” in chapter 108 be less on a whim and actually more built up. In the original plan, Karma really did just say it without thinking. I’m glad I changed that.

Bury Me Low and Numb - pretty much all I listened to when writing the last few chapters, because Evil Nagisa core. So much so that Bury Me Low was in my top 2020 songs rewind.

As for the title, there’s actually quite a funny story. I had no idea what to call the fic, and when that happens I usually just try and find some song lyrics. I really wanted to use something from ‘October’ by the Broken Bells. Not only because it’s my favourite song (has been for years), but thematically it really worked. The issue was, it worked as the WHOLE song, there were no individual lyrics that captured everything. And, if they did, they didn’t flow very well. And naming the fic ‘October’ would have been weird for a lot of reasons. There Is No Sweeter Innocence That Our Gentle Sin really was just plucked randomly, in a desperate search to find any snappy lyrics from any song that had some kind of meaning. After a bit of discussion, we settled that it kind of worked... if Daichi is innocent and they committed a sin or something. It also wasn’t the most obvious lyric from the song (Take Me To Church if anyone doesn’t know) so I just went with it. It works out, I think, because TINSITOGS turned out to be a pretty good acronym and pronounceable word in its own right.

The merch redbubble drama

It’s a well known fact that I’m not very good at art. However, I decided to try pixel art because it seemed the easiest to not mess up. I made Karma and Nagisa, before deciding to also give Daichi a try.

This, to this day, is the only good quality art of Daichi that I actually own. The only one I’m actually happy sharing and thinking it doesn’t look terrible. As much as I love people sending me fanart, it’s not ‘my property’, right.

So, I was kind of joking about TINSITOGS having merchandise. At first I just made two funny quote things, and uploaded it to redbubble. I was never intending to actually make money from this, and I’d agreed to myself that if I did, I would just donate it to charity. I was joking with the quotes, but since I had this artwork I figured I may as well uploaded. Separately, there was also an image that had pixel Daichi next to pixel Nagisa and Karma (which I also created).

Aside from showing up in a few people’s adverts across the internet, there was no real harm with this. In fact, I didn’t make money anyway. It was just... more the joke of it existing. I did, however, buy myself a Daichi phone case, which is one of my favourite possessions.

The funny ‘drama’ comes in when they got taken down due to copywrite. Sure, the one with Nagisa and Karma, I understand. But the other three literally had no mention or anything to do with Assassination Classroom, aside from being from a fanfiction. So basically, someone who owns those rights claimed my OC as theirs. Which makes Daichi canon? Whatever the case, I found this hilarious don’t worry.

How has TINSITOGS changed my life?

This is quite a strange thing to think about. Because, in a lot of ways, it really hasn’t. As I’m sure a lot of people know, I don’t really consider myself to have any real ‘fame’, despite the impressive numbers. Whenever I tell people in my personal life, they seem to think I’m some sort of internet celebrity, but that’s never been the case for me. I mean, it’s hardly a cultural phenomenon.

In a lot of ways, I’d much rather befriend someone than have them admire me. Possibly because being someone’s inspiration is kind of weird... I’m just an awkward duck who likes to write after all. I don’t mind it, though. I genuinely find it an honour, even if I don’t necessarily agree. I also want to take this time to say that if anyone ever wants to talk or message me, you’re more than free to do so. I’m usually super casual with people who do that, I promise.

TINSITOGS was the first story I ever finished in the way I truly wanted to. Start to end, a full narrative. And it took a LOT. There were so many times I almost felt like quitting, or took super long breaks. For me, ADHD queen, actually finishing something was a huge deal. And I know I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t owe it to everyone who read it, and myself, to see it through. You know like, if I were to die tomorrow, at least I’ve left something behind.

In a lot of ways, it’s changed me for the better. It’s helped me develop my writing styles, and way of thinking. It encouraged me to become more active in the fandom, and develop some important friendships. I always feel like my Tumblr and Fanfiction ‘known’ factor is separate. I think most of my Tumblr following is more to do with my theories/Japanese context research if anything, for example, but I know I wouldn’t be so interested in that if TINSITOGS hadn’t lead me to deeply examine character and really look into analysing source material for clues. I also think there’s just... a lot of myself in it.

I was 17 years old, when I first came up with the idea. I finished the story when I was 20. Now, at the time of writing, I’m 21. That time has seen some pretty significant changes - just in general life facts and my own personal human development. For me at least, a lot of that was pretty turbulent, and TINSITOGS stands as a time capsule for that, in a way.

I know I gained a lot of confidence, and it affirmed to me that writing is what I love. Telling stories and sharing them is what I love.

Conclusion

Do I think TINSITOGS is an outstanding piece of writing, or the best fic ever? No. I really don’t. It’s strange to say because I definitely spent a lot of time on it, but it’s not like I put my full unbridled efforts into the story. I don’t fully plan, use a beta, or even read through on my own. And that’s okay - that’s not what I write fanfiction for. Fanfiction is my place to have fun with characters and stories I like, without the pressures of having to stand on my own complete originality. Yes, I’m fully confident that I can write at a “higher quality”, if I really wanted to. I’m also aware that some authors put their full effort into their fics, and that’s just as valid!

It feels odd to say this about my own writing, but I honestly think there’s just something in this story. It might not be written in the best prose ever, and the premise might be kind of dumb for a lot of people. But, I think, there’s some part of this fic that managed to grab people. Somehow, at some point, many readers get captured into the emotions and so drawn in that ‘they just have to finish it now!’ Again, I’m not sure myself how I actually achieved that. Of course, that won’t apply to everyone, but I do feel there’s some truth in it. And it makes me happy, to have caused that.

If TINSITOGS is your favourite fic, or if you genuinely think it’s the best story you’ve read, then thank you. I really appreciate your support, and I’m happy to have been a part of your life, I guess. I know how much fanfics can mean to a person, and that’s why I’m not going to take it down, or edit it at all. And it’s fine too, if you loved the fic for a while and moved on -i t happens. Whatever the case, I’m very honoured to have been able to occupy a moment of your life. Or if you find this fic in 10 years time, even, I still wholly appreciate you.

This story was incredibly important to me, and thank you for reading if it was ever important to you too.

You may ask, what now? Well, this is only intended to be a detailed look back for whoever’s interested, and it’s likely the only one I’ll actually do, a year after completion. Of course, if you ever want to ask me anything or just discuss the story, you’re honestly good to contact me in whatever way I have available.

I’m still writing my ongoing stories, of course, despite taking a small break due to the university work load. I fully intend to complete the stories I’ve already started to tell, at least. After that... I’m not sure if I’ll still write fanfiction. Don’t panic, this isn’t a ‘I’m quitting writing’ thing. I may, however, have bled the Karmagisa genre a bit too dry at that point. Who knows? I am pretty interested in writing something original for once, so maybe that’ll work out.

For now, at least, thank you to anyone who read this fic. To anyone who commented, liked, or interacted with me over it. To anyone who created or learnt from it. I’m really glad that I got to share this story with you all, and ultimately left some kind of mark, no matter how big or small.

Happy birthday, TINSITOGS. I had a lot of fun writing you.

#ass class #assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #tinsitogs #karmagisa

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