#look amos was the one good thing about book one and i think he deserved better

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Y'know, I have so much useless knowledge about the Clementine comics stored in my brain after rereading them over and over again and studying them as if they're literature with layered subtext.

I mean... there is subtext that bleeds through different veins but my point is I'm so sorry that the comics are Like That™ because Amos you would've adored Ericson.

Amos would've been in awe of the school. He would've walked inside, looked at the mess, and unprompted, would've started cleaning. He would've repaired anything he got his hands on, and he would've done it happily.

Amos would've gone on fishing and hunting trips with Clementine and AJ to marvel at the beauty of the woods.

He would've called Vi "Miss Violet" just for the funny, annoyed face she'd make. Violet would get so frustrated with his cheery attitude about everything until she saw how engaging he was with Tenn and his art and okay fine maybe he's not the worst.

Amos would've had the biggest crush on Ruby. He'd think her hair was the prettiest color he's ever seen and tell her how her eyes shine when she laughs. He would've tried wooing her with his stories of Helen, his horse, and he'd jump at every chance to help her in the greenhouse. Aasim would watch them from his desk like, ".........I know stuff about horses, too."

He would've listened to Louis play piano with undivided attention and clap after every song and ask for another. He'd insist Mitch teach him how to flip and toss a knife like he does. He'd play fetch with Rosie every day. He'd teach AJ, Tenn, and Willy about how cool planes are and how he one day he'll get to ride in one. He'd be so damn nosy about every Omar cooks.

But no, instead he got pushed off a mountain by the most underdeveloped villain I've ever read about... good thing he's definitely coming back as a twist villain in Book Three, amirite? I can't wait.

[proserpina-magnus]

hi! If you take requests can you write a reader x Remus fluff? where they are usually studying together and helping each other out, talking about books etc. it is obvious for everyone that they like each other, but not for them.

maybe the reader could be a little shy, but really positive? and Remus is completely smitten by her and also feels protective of her?

whatever you decide I’m sure it will be amazing, hope it’s not too much

thank you for your work, you’re truly amazing!

heyy, this has been in my inbox for weeks and I'm so sorry this took so long!! I loved how descriptive you where and I hope that you don't mind that I changed the plot just a tad. Remus kind of confesses to being a werewolf soo.. I hope you like it!! xoxo

Monsters Need Love Too [ R.L ]

word count: 2.5k

[ warnings: female reader, slight jealously, tears, slight possessive behavior/words, clothes sharing, first kisses, had holding, scars, slight talk about violence, Remus's friends embarrass him, flattering ]

editor: @breakingniconicokneecaps

Remus anxiously tapped his foot, you had promised him that you both would meet up for a study session before a big potions test. You had been running late, caught up with fixing your hair or finding missing quills.

Remus kept looking towards the library door, tapping his fingers on the wooden table. There had been cracks of brown throughout the wood, Remus watched eagerly towards the doors as his dainty finger traced over the dark spiral wooden pattern.

He felt his heart putter against his rib cage, a nervous sensation creeping into his mind as he started to worry about you. It had been 10 minutes since you both originated the time to meet up, Remus was just about to stand to go look for you, but you had just hurried into the library.

He watched your frantic state walk swiftly towards him, your hair pinned back with loose strands. He smiled, pushing the chair beside him open. You flopped yourself down onto the opened chair, your books and papers left a thud as you dropped them onto the desk.

"So sorry I'm late! I couldn't find my assignment, I might have to re-do it all," you stammered, opening your books with marked stamps. You sighed, before giving a smile towards Remus. "Oh well, at least I'll have a better understanding of the material,"

Remus looked lovingly towards you, rubbing his sweaty hands on his slacks. He looked towards his own opened book, moving his papers around as he passed you his finished assignment.

"If you want, you can take a look at mine," Remus suggested, but you only shook your head and looked back towards a student who sat across a few tables. The guy you smiled at was Amos Diggory, the captain of Hufflepuff's quidditch team. Amo's had combed back messy blond hair, a boyish grin on his face as he waved towards you. Remus followed your gaze, catching the small interaction. He felt a sense of urgency to have your attention back on him.

"That's alright rem, Amo said he would help me later. Let's work on potions shall we?" You said, guiding your attention back to your books. Remus gave a disgruntled sound, his leg bouncing as it tapped into yours.

"You alright?" You asked, knees twitching every time his own knocked into yours. Remus hummed, lips thin as he focused down on his book. You felt like you did something wrong, a frown forming as you flipped some pages.

After a few moments of awkward silence, your eyes travelled towards the taller male. He was hunched over his book, his hand in a fist that rested on his bouncing thigh.

"Did I do something wrong? Are you mad I'm late?" You mumbled quietly, leaning forward as Remus turned his gaze to you. He saw your pleading eyes, a sad pout on your lips at the thought of upsetting him. Remus concluded that you were just too cute to be mad at, not that he was prior.

"No, I'm not mad," Remus huffed, tearing his eyes away from yours. Truth be told, Remus had no idea why he was so upset. You mumbled at his lame lie, your fingers tracing his wrist as you glided your hand to open up his fist. Remus jerked at the faint touch, eyes pouring at the connecting hands.

"You seem mad," you whispered gently, trying not to cause attention in the silent room. Remus brought his gaze back to your face, seeing your beautiful eyes and a small welcoming smile on your lips. His fingers opened, your own wiggling between them.

"How could I possibly be mad when you look like that," Remus blurted, in a daze. You flushed red at the compliment. You wanted so desperately for him to kiss you, Remus felt the same exact way. Before a gentle kiss could be shared, you turned back around and faced towards your book.

"You flatter too much," you teased, your shoulder bumping in with his. You didn't dare take your fingers away from his, liking the way his scars felt rigid and warm against your palm.

"I don't think I flatter enough," Remus stated, his eyes still trained on your adoring profile. You flushed once more, a swirl in your stomach from his words. Remus gushed himself at your flustered state, denying himself the right to lean in and place a kiss against your red cheeks.

"You know what I think?" You ask, turning your head so you can take a long look into his eyes. Remus leaned forward, his nose almost brushing yours. "What do you think?" He asked in response, his voice a low hum.

"I think if anyone should be flattered, it's you. You're a very attractive young man, if I do say so myself Mr. Remus," you flaunt, a giggle on your lips as you close your eyes from the laugh. Remus smiles, watching the way your cheeks rose with your smile. He was absolutely adoring your giggle form, but it was soon to be crushed by his friends.

"Uh- hello! What's going on here?" Sirius's voice boomed through, the three boys marched over to you two. Your hand fell away from Remus's, a small frown on your lips before you replaced it with a smile.

"We're just studying," you say sweetly, turning around so you can get a good look at them. Sirius raises an eyebrow, a suggestive gaze in his eyes as he stares between you two. Remus grows anxious, wanting his friends to leave as soon as possible.

"Studying what? Human anatomy?" Sirius jeers, a smirk on his lips as he leans closer. James and Peter laugh, obvious to Remus's dire crush on you.

You turn to mush at the gesture, turning back to your book as you hide your glowing face. Remus notices, upset at the way they were getting you embarrassed.

"Leave it pads, go bug off, all three of you," Remus sends a low growl to the male, but the rest of the boys only laugh and continue to talk. James pushes a seat open next to you, Remus giving him a dangerous glare.

"She's very pretty" James gushed, one of his fingers poking your sides. You squirm, but decide to be polite and smile towards James. You can't even tell him a thank you before Remus is telling them off.

"Prongs, get up and piss off," Remus states, his hand wrapping around the leg of your chair as he scoots you away from him. You grab your stuff, placing it in front of you. James frowns, tilting his head to give Remus a puppy dog expression.

"Can I stay?" Peter asked his own pout on his lips. Remus sighs loudly, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

"No,"

"But moony!" They all chant at once, shushes and glares get shared between you all. Remus sighs one more time, deciding not to freak out and yell at all of them in front of you. The tall brunette collects his stuff, pushing it into his bag in a messy hurry. You frown, watching him pack up. You thought he was leaving with his friends, but Remus starts to take your own books and papers. With his empty hand grabbing yours, He pulls you up, tugging you out the door.

The rest of the boys shout behind him, trying to follow you both. Remus leads you down the hallway, a smile on his lips as he pats your shoulder for some comfort. "One second love, just wait here,"

Remus speeds over to the boys at the other end of the hall, far away enough for you not to hear them. They start to argue, hearing Remus raise his voice. Soon enough, the three boys look towards the ground and scoot away down the opposite hallway.

Remus jogs back over to you, smiling as he runs a hand through his hair. You bring out your hand, making a grabbing gesture. He places his hand into yours, taking the lead as he guides you down the hallway.

"Where are we going?" You questioned, stepping down the switching staircases. Remus turns briefly at the end of the steps, waiting for it to connect with another. "It's a sunny day, let's go sit on the dock,"

"What about our potions test?" You asked, following Remus down the now given steps. He steps onto the cobblestone floors, helping you off the last step.

"It's not until Friday, we have plenty of time tomorrow. You deserve a break," Remus states, pushing open a thin wooden door out towards the back of the huge castle. He takes you down the small hill, holding your hand to protect you from tripping.

"Watch your step," he says, stepping down the small steep hill. His other hand holds your waist, squeezing it between his fingers as he helps you down.

"You're my saviour," you whisper in gratitude, leaning more towards him. The air gets thicker and the breeze grows colder as you step towards the doc.

"You get pleased too easily," Remus comments, his hand squeezing yours. You turn your head, tilting it as you walk against the wooden space.

"Is that a bad thing?" You ask, Remus looked over at you briefly. He has an unreadable face before he shakes his head.

"No, unless you're thanking the wrong person," Remus explains, walking further along the doc. He helps you sit first, following suit as his legs sprawl out. He has much longer limbs, you giggle as he stretches.

"Everyone's so nice, who could possibly be the wrong person?" You wonder, head leaning against his shoulder. Remus sighs, answering that question quickly in his intrusive thoughts. You shiver, tugging your skirt down towards your knees.

"What? Do you think you're bad?" You ask, lifting your head to get a clear look at the boy. Remus lets his head lean down, a frown on his face. You hold a confused expression, your heart aching at the thought. Before you can think, your fingers tilt his head. Remus looks with wide eyes, seeing your saddened expression.

"Remus, you're the nicest person I've ever met," you explain, emotion in your eyes as you talk to him. Remus screams at himself, knowing you had no idea what he really was.

"You need to meet new people," he jokes, but you only shake your head with a deeper frown.

His heart beats quickly, your eyes guiding down to his chapped lips. He picks up instantly on your intentions and he has no remorse to stop them.

Your eyes shut on instinct, lips moving closer to his. Your head tilts, nose brushing against his as you connect mouths. Remus expresses a content sigh, his own eyes closed. His fingers lace through the back of your hair, pulling you closer.

"You don't understand," Remus sighs after the kiss, eyes whisking open. You flutter your eyelashes, sitting back on your legs. You frown, thinking he didn't like the kiss.

"Then make me understand," you tell him, heart hammering inside your chest so loud you might go deaf. Remus smiles, one of his hands still occupied with yours. His other hand cups your face, sliding it through your loose hair.

"You'll hate me once I tell you," Remus whispers, feeling tears burn his eyesight. He wishes he'd never got bitten, he didn't want you to think he was some sort of monster.

You shake your head, leaning closer as you kiss his lips once more. Remus pulls you in, addicted to the way your mouth tastes. He pushes you back slightly, feeling guilty for not telling you what he truly is.

"I'm a werewolf," Remus says, ripping off the bandaid. You blink a few times, not comprehending what he just said. Your eyes dangle down to his scarred hands, your soft thumb tracing a particularly big one.

"Does it hurt?" You quip, eyes looking back into his. Remus feels instantly loved at your small little reaction, his heart swelling as he realizes that you only care whether he's hurt, not that he turns into a killer creature every full moon.

"No," Remus lied, a tear falling from his eye. You nod, happy with his answer. Your cold fingers come to wipe away the lost tear. you lean in for another kiss, but Remus pushes you back.

"I'm a werewolf," he states once again, you nod in understanding. "I can kill you,"

"Do you want to hurt me?" You mumble, Remus feels worried build up from just thinking about it. He shakes his head, head falling as he lets out more tears.

"Then it doesn't matter," you finish, leaning down so you can get your much wanted kiss. Remus leans into it, another sigh on his lips as he pulls you closer. The waves crash against the doc, coating the wood just in front of you with seeping water.

"I can't control myself in that state, I could hurt you," Remus whispers against your lips, his arms wrapping around your sides as he pulls you in. You sigh, kissing the corner of his mouth.

"No, the werewolf would hurt me. It's not your fault, you can't control it," you tell him, sticking with your conclusion. Remus would never dare hurt you and you knew that.

"You're too good, what is a monster like me doing with you, hm?" Remus says, his fingers tilting your chin as he places a generous kiss against your cold lips. A smile decorated on your mouth, you shift closer to him. His body was so warm and you felt so cold, you were almost slipping under his coat for warmth.

"You're no monster," you whisper, Remus notices your shivering body. He felt sick for taking you out to the cold doc, tugging off his coat quickly as he props it on your shoulders.

"I monster wouldn't let his girl freeze to death," he contorts, rubbing your arms to get you to warm up. Your face heats at his words, you couldn't help but smile.

"I'm your girl?" You ask, leaning closer as you shift onto his lap. Remus's long limbs curl around you, bringing you closer as he protects you from the now vicious wind. His hair whips in every direction, the wind so tough you can hear it.

"Yes, you're my girl," Remus juts, standing up with ease as you cling onto him. He adjusts you easily, hiding you inside his big coat. Your head rests against his chest, his arms hiking around your bottom to carry you up the hill.

"All yours," you mumble, happy with the soft protection he was offering. Your arms link around his neck, not daring to let go as he opens up the wooden door once again. He carries you inside, looking around as he spots his friends. They all gap with their mouth wide open, pointing.

"All mine," Remus mutters to you, speeding away from his frantic friends. You keep your eyes closed, letting him take you to wherever he pleases.

[pennyserenade]

tags: nameless female oc x javier peña, nameless female oc x javier pena. rating: e ( explicit ) warnings: smut, language, talks of violence, unprotected sex, heavy angst, mentions of death, guns, pregnancy.  word count: 3k+ summary: not everything can be spoken the way it can be felt.  notes: i somehow managed to do this despite feeling entirely unmotivated all day, so that’s nice. this takes place during episode 3, season 2, near the halfway mark.   original gif by: @javierian

una guerra sin piedad 

scene eight, scenes from a marriage

Javier is a good husband, or at least he tries to be. He doesn’t mean to do this--probably doesn’t even recognize that she knows he’s doing it. He is faced with so many objectives in a day's time, Javier doesn’t realize how easy it is to catch on to his lies. They are hardly coated, though, obvious to anyone who pays attention to him as much as she does, but that’s just it--he doesn’t pay attention at all.

He’s unaware that his fingers are shaking right now. It is a subtle act, a tremble hardly notable to the untrained eye, but these are the fingers that have been touching her for twelve years; she has seen them and felt them and come to know them better than her own. They have remained steady and nimble even after too many cups of coffee and one too many pieces of harrowing news, because they are trained to be fingers that don’t give way to anxiety. A stone body, a man meant to be unflinching in the face of the most awful of tragedies, but here with her, it allows his lies to leak out without his consent. It’s pleading, this body, asking for respite because he won’t go easier on it.

She holds his hands, keeping them steady before they can reach out and lay flat against her growing stomach. Javier looks at her and confusion sprinkles across features that are too pale to be normal, even to him. His eyes reveal an undeniable sadness, too, some sort of impact from war that he’s on the verge of losing simply because he refuses to ask for help. He is all alone in there.

“Me estás mintiendo, Javi,” she tells him, voice level and collected. “Te mientes a ti mismo también.”

He looks startled, and perhaps it is warranted. The glass case he enclosed himself in wasn’t so transparent or frail to him, after all. 

He takes his hands away slowly. 

“No,” he responds. “About what?”

“No sé. Not completely,” she shakes her head. “That’s why I said it.”

“I’m not lying about anything.”

“Javi.”

“What?”

“The cigarettes.” 

She watches his face fall. 

“You smoke them when you think I’m asleep but I do your laundry, and I can smell them when you get back in bed,” she shrugs. “You don’t hang out the window far enough either, and you always get ashes on the ground.”

“I can’t quit,” he confesses. “Not now.”

“I never asked you to.”

“Yo sé, pero…” he begins, but falters. “I wanted to.”

“I would rather you smoke than you lie.”

“Okay, but that’s all,” he confirms. “Only the cigarettes.”

“Javi.”

“I’m telling the truth.”

“You of all people should know withholding information is just as incriminating,” she huffs, “I’m stronger than you ever give me credit for. You aren’t the only one who sees the blood in the streets, you know. I saw it too, still do, because we live here and that’s the reality and I’m sick of having to deny it.”

“Baby,” he groans. “Please. I don’t ever ask you to postpone these things, but I cannot do this tonight. I cannot.” 

“What happened tonight, Jav?”

He shakes his head. Lips straighten into a tight line and his Adam’s apple bops. 

“It was nothing.”

“Please,” she pleads, in the same vein as his own. “You don’t know how bad I need to know what is happening in your mind.”

“Nothing.”

His eyes start going blank again, despite the small smile he forces onto his lips. It has gone quicker than it had come. 

She frowns. 

He senses that his control over this situation is ebbing away. Lies, denial, the cruel act of simply not telling—it oozes out of him. 

Deception ages poorly, if this is anything to go by. It is grotesque what the truth can do to something beautifully fabricated as their marriage has been the past few months. Those tiny cuts that had existed before are now bloody wounds, infected with the spoils of their selfishness.

He cups her face in his hand; she lets him. He swipes the pad of his thumb over the warm skin, and looks into her eyes; she lets him. He leans forward to kiss her; she does not let him.

She’s never done that. It hollows him out, digging deeper in the already sensitive heart he’s carrying around.  

“Te amo mucho,” she begins, taking the hand that cradled her face in her own, “but you are hiding from me and it hurts to see.”

He face twitches, as if he’s going to say something, but he grows hesitant. He realizes what he might lose, realizes what’s at stake. 

It is not that she hasn’t seen the violence, or that he thinks her too weak to handle it. He knows what she can bear, knows that before he ever met her she was reporting on what he found. Anyone in Colombia, reporter or not, knows, because this is what happens. Violence. She can’t not know. 

What she can avoid knowing is his involvement in it. Withholding the truth is just as incriminating, she is right, but she’s been here long enough to know that crime runs rampant. It infects the entire country with its allure—that promise of getting to better places faster—and he is someone who has been swept dangerously up in its tide. 

She does not need to know. Some things shouldn’t be told, just as those things shouldn’t have been done. 

Doesn’t need to know it had been a boy. Just a fucking mouthy kid who had been washed into a war he didn’t deserve to comprehend let alone contribute to. 

The gun was held by someone who should’ve protected him, too. Noble American hero he was, Javi stood by and watched. He hadn’t even wanted to tell Steve—was coerced out the way he refused to be with her. 

He swallows harshly and thinks once more about the line of English he muttered before it had happened. It was a plea the boy wouldn’t have understood or grasped, said because deep down Javier knew what was about to happen. He didn’t say it in Spanish, though. He has to reconcile with the fact that the plea was more for himself than it was the boy with the gun in his face. Has to reconcile with the fact that he won’t speak about it again, too, even though he knows it’s wrong. She doesn’t need to know that, does she?

“I’m not going to tell you,” he speaks with a harsh finality. Maybe it’s not so harsh; maybe it’s just the fact that it’s so final that really hurts.

She holds her breath, the pain of his answer sharp and sudden and irrevocably real regardless. 

“I can’t,” he repeats. 

There’s no way he doesn’t know he’s hurting her now, and she supposes he’s doing this for a good reason, but the ache of it still burns just as bad. 

“I know,” she says. Then, a sacrifice, “S’okay.”

Javier’s eyes shift down to her stomach. He has found an increasing need to keep his hands and arms wrapped around her nearly all of the time lately. Given, he has always loved the way she melts into his body when he wraps himself around her, but this is different; it is a sort of comfort that stems beyond liking the warmth of her. This is a need to protect. 

His feelings about the child still lean more towards confusion than they do anything else, but he’s begun to accept the fact that it is real. It’s hard to deny such a thing as her stomach begins to grow, but a part of him sort of likes knowing that it’s there now. He has given her something that isn’t pain, something that will be beautiful and innocent. He watches her, too, sees the way she holds her stomach and hears the way she speaks to it when she thinks he’s in a different room.

He remembers when she had told him that she was meant to be so much more than just someone’s mother or just someone’s wife. That felt like a century ago, those two people entirely different than the ones that lay here now and talk with each other. He doesn’t mourn for it, that time and those people, but he does think about them. 

She is still so much more than a wife and a mother, to be fair. Maybe she never accomplished everything she had envisioned when she had told him that, but there’s something so fiercely independent about her still, something entirely separate from anyone, even the one who grows inside her. 

She kept her last name. She reads all the time and piles books all over the house, adding personality in a way he never favored beyond his own shit until she came. She still writes. She’s compiled an entire record collection, full of artists and bands he’s never heard, and sometimes ones he has, the special sort that remind him of being a kid. She can sew. She is good at puzzles. She always burns her own toast but never his. She is good at oral because in the same way she had dedicated herself to a lot of things in life, she had also dedicated herself to learning how to suck a cock (her words, not his). She is filthy in a way that makes him ache sometimes, it’s so goddamn hot. She is kind. She is his everything. 

He isn’t happy or proud of the fact that he cannot find it in himself to admit what he has done. He knows she doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship filled with lies, ones so concealed she can’t even begin to find out what they are. Cigarettes are nothing in comparison to the things he witnessed tonight, and even those break her heart. 

His love for her is selfish, but it is still the very best part of him. 

“Let me touch you,” he whispers, hands ghosting lightly over her bare arms. “I just wanna make you feel good right now. Will you let me do that?”

She nods, and then, without him asking, she raises the slip she wears over her head, leaving her perfectly naked on top of him. He leans forward soon after and takes a nipple in his mouth. Her fingers rake through his hair as he runs his tongue against the sensitive flesh, but this time they do not tug. There is no rush or hunger in the way they are choosing to be with one other right now. Their bodies are too weak from emotional ware and tear, and their minds too numb from resisting the confrontation of the heaviness tonight has brought upon them. 

His fingers travel down to her core and when they find her clit, she pulls her back from her chest and kisses him, stealing a moan from his mouth. She breathes into him. After she pulls back, she rests her forehead against his own. Javi focuses more intently on her pleasure, measuring his success from the way her breath begins to quicken and the way her hips begin to rock up into his hand, desperate for more. He buries his face in the crook of her neck and she bites down gently at the skin of his shoulder, muffling herself as his fingers quicken the pace. She’s getting close, he knows. 

“That’s it, mi amor,” he tells her as she works herself on his fingers. “Use me, baby.”

It doesn’t take long until her lips part from his skin and find themselves letting out sharp moans, hips coming to a slow halt as she finishes working herself through the wave of her orgasm on his fingers. 

She presses her lips onto his, panting gently as she does so. When she allows herself to rest against him, he can feel how wet she is through the fabric of his boxers. 

He grabs onto the back of her neck and deepens the kiss. She wraps her arms around his neck and begins to rub herself against him, and he lets her for a few moments, enjoying what he can of her like this, before he rests a hand on her hip to stop it. 

“I want to taste you,” he tells her. She just looks at him. “Por favor.”

She nods, beginning to get off of him, but he grabs at her again, stilling her. Her eyebrows raise in confusion. 

“Sit on my face.”

“Javi, I’m too—“

“No you’re not,” he assures. He begins to lay down, pushing a pillow beneath his head. “C’mon, you like it.”

“Baby,” she hesitates. 

Javi tugs gently on her hand, urging her forward. She sighs, but caves in. 

He helps her, guiding her forward on his chest and she goes, but he can feel how nervous she is still.

He nips at her thighs before he adjusts herself over him. “I like doing this,” he tells her before he guides her forward the last few inches, and immediately he can feel all the tension ease from her as his tongue dips into her. 

She grabs a handful of his hair and licks between her folds, lapping up the last bit of her previous arousal. His nose grazes gently over her clit every so often and she cannot help the moan that escapes from her when it does. He is losing himself in her, transforming all the lies into nothing even for the briefest moments. 

He may not be the best husband, but he can make her feel good. He likes it too, genuinely enjoys the taste of her on his tongue and the accomplished, satisfying feeling of knowing he makes her legs weak and is the cause of the moans that part from her when she truly gets lost in this. And God, how they fall now as he sucks her clit. She unintentionally moves her hips forward. 

“Sorry,” she says, but Javi is quick to gently shake his head, not wanting to lose her. His hands wrap around her ass and he encourages it, going as far as moaning into her when she begins to develop a good pace. He gropes at her ass and she cums again, twitching gently this time. Javi cannot help the grin that forms on his lips as she does this. 

She guides herself off of him, collapsing next to him in the bed. Before he has the chance to wipe her arousal off his lips, she’s pulling him into a kiss. 

She loves this man. He may hurt her and hide from her, but she never feels unloved in his presence. Maybe that is enough. Maybe asking for any more than that is wrong. He is a good man. 

She kisses a trail down his chest, moving back in between his legs before she reaches the halfway point. 

“No,” he says, holding out his hand. 

“Why?” she questions.

“You don’t need to just because I did,” he says. “You don’t have to touch me at all.”

“I want to, Javi,” she tells him, hands shimming down his underwear. 

She kisses down his happy trail, then peppers light kisses around the base of his cock. His breath hitches, anticipating her next move, and he is delighted to find it is her tongue licking the underside of his sensitive member. He nearly jolts out of her hand, the sensation of her feels so good. 

He cannot help but tell her, saying, “Fuck, you do it just right.”

Despite all the ache still present in her, she manages a soft, unaffected laugh. He notes that, feels just as moved by that as he does the way her mouth wraps around his member and begins to be worked. 

She twirls her tongue around the top each time she comes back up, and she moves back down slowly, drawing multiple moans and “fucks” from his lips. He cannot look at her while she does it, unable to refrain from coming in her mouth if he does. He’s already dangerously on the edge as she includes her tongue when she’s going back down on his choke, running across each vein and causing his hips to twitch just as hers did. 

“I’m gonna—“ he pauses, fighting the urge to release with all he has in him. “I’m going to cum soon and I want it to be in you. You—“ he pauses again, breath leveling, “—you gotta stop or I won’t make it.”

“I don’t want you to,” she manages, before returning to his cock, going up and down at an increased rate. His fingers clench the sheets beneath him as she does this, losing it when she moans against him. He can’t stop it, can’t resist the urge any longer and doesn’t truly want to, knowing she’s not going to let him. 

He opens his eyes and watches her wipe a line of his arousal from her chin before she swallows down the rest of it. Tired and spent as he is, he still manages to rise from his back quickly to kiss her. He can taste himself on her lips, but he does not mind it. The kisses are not as lust filled, more tender and caring, and he is all the more pleased when she guides him backwards again, before settling next to him and wrapping one of her legs around his. His heart beats rapidly and his mind is not yet void of thought (he isn’t sure if it will ever be), but the tension between them has dissipated. Even if it is temporary, and even if it is something that is going to come back ten times worse, Javi values this for what is now and appreciates her submission once more into this fantasy land with him. 

She herself wonders, despite all the unspoken heartbreak, and despite all the unknown truths, what their baby might look like and what qualities it might possess from him as she lies silently next to him. Wonders because what she has learned is that the future is her friend and that imagining it does no harm.

It is a place where nothing is broken or harmed, the future. A place where she can cling to the vestiges of hope she’s granted even when he holds her and doesn’t tell her what he’s done or seen. It’s a place beautifully untouched by the unfair quality of truth and pain; a place where he stands in the doorframe of their bedroom with a small, newly born child and looks happy in a way she hasn’t seen in so long; a place where she will never have to fret about whether she will ever get that from him or not, because it is hers and she does. 

The future has always been kind to her, kind in the way the present never, ever seems to be. She clings onto Javi and even manages a sad sort of grin at the thought of a child who’s hair curls the same way his does when it gets too long. 

She doesn’t share these thoughts with him, though—hardly ever does—because she needs things for herself. Admitting these notions into the world is to corrupt them, or to corrode the meaning they have to her now. She loves him, but these are her thoughts the way whatever he battles are his. 

This is a scene of a war without mercy; this is scene eight from a marriage. 

javi tag list : @wyn-dixie , @rosiefridayrogersunday , @disgruntledspacedad , @melaniermblt , @walt-breslin , @theorganasolo , @amneris21 , @over300books

forever/everything tag list : @astroboots , @frannyzooey , @wyn-dixie , @rosiefridayrogersunday , @melaniermblt , @theorganasolo​ , @amneris21​

scenes tags: @gravegoth​ , @sarahjkl82-blog​ , @cmonkeepmoving​

[lenfaz]

Bridgerton S2 E7&8

And we're done......

:sighs:

There were so many good moments in these episodes that I'm going to focus on those for a while...

when they finally give in to temptation, oh boy... that is some of the hottest thing I've seen. I was getting tired of the whole "I'm a gentleman" speech while Kate was there being all like "disrespect me already you idiot, and do it well". Anthony my boy is going down like Keanu Reeves in that movie we all remember and he means business. I can't even with that entire level of hotness... it was goals.

It was even more goals when she remembered the next morning because can you say UNF and UNF again

Anthony you're like 4 episodes late with that proposal, by all means just fucking do it (propose) after doing it (her) already

Anthony thinking he's losing Kate broke my heart...

Ofc this show is going to use the "you almost died" as a way to solve most of Edwina and Kate's problems

It made me happy to see them patching up things and Mary loving Kate so much and telling her. I just wish we could have that without all the other stupid nonsense that was SO not needed

Anthony breaking and crying in front of his mother when he finds out that Kate has woken up. MY HEART

Kate and Anthony finally deciding they don't give a fuck about the ton and reaching for their happiness....

Anthony and Kate pretty much being Anthony and Kate with the teasing and the competitiveness and the verbal sparring in lieu of foreplay... and being so incredibly happy with each other. When he hugs her from behind and we see his absolute peace and happiness I can't even

Portia! Portia te amo con locura y pasion. Portia's "I have a team and they are a handful, but they are my daughters and I'll never leave them behind" is everything JQ didn't give us in the books and the one good thing this show decided to add into the story. Portia is the best thing ever.

And now for the rant

really? I mean REALLY? how many times are we going to assassinate Penelope's character just to move a plot. I'm sorry but they are making Penelope look like a jealous, envious, conniving and gossipping bitch and that IS NOT PENELOPE. That is not why she wrote, that is not why she did any of it. I can't even with what they are doing and it sucks because Nicola is an amazing actress and she could have given us the best Penelope out there. I can't even.

Don't even get me started on Eloise. Eloise would have never... never ever ever ever said anything like this to Penelope. Their friendship was a sisterhood of the best kind and it's a constant in the books and even when they had a little fall off in book 4, Eloise is SO happy that Penelope found the love she deserved. Eloise is not this whiny rich girl that is so oblivious to others

To be honest, if we were going to completely assassinate the characters of Colin and Penelope, did we have to have the scene? What was its purpose? WHAT IS THE FUCKING PURPOSE OF THE SCENE IF COLIN IS NOT THERE TO SEE THE PAIN HE CAUSED IN PENELOPE? Because that is a huge part of it... Colin sees how he hurt someone pure and beautiful in the process and Anthony goes to her rescue. That scene is meant to set in motion Penelope's acceptance and growing out of her shell, and Colin's realization that he hurt someone's feelings and him working to be better after that. It also triggers Colin's travel plans and it's eventually what brings them together in the end, because it sets the stage for the individual journey Penelope and Colin undertake for 5-7 years. It's meant to be a stepping stone and instead, it just makes Colin look like an asshole and Penelope look like a vindictive little bitch that brings Lady Whistledown again just out of spite to Eloise and Colin

And ffs PENELOPE WOULD HAVE NEVER RUINED ELOISE. Eloise would have never done any of that and I'm going to reject all these stupid plot points like I did with Marina in S1.

I have nothing good to say about Benedict. He comes off as a selfish hedonistic fuckboy... and that is pretty much what he is

JUSTICE FOR EDWINA BAGWELL

JUSTICE FOR FELICITY FEATHERINGTON.

So... 2 down, 6 to go. By the end of this, I'm sure Gregory's season will show that he was actually Lady Whistledown and manipulated Penelope all along at the tender age of 10. And Hyacinth will be blackmailing the Queen.

[phoenixstartedthefire]

My thoughts on the cursed child part 2: things I didn't like

I made a post before about my opinions on the cursed child. I recommend you go read that one if you haven't yet before you read this one. My other post was mostly about my positive opinions and thoughts on the addition to the harry potter universe. This one is going to be more focused on my problems with the play. Again, this won't make such sense if you haven't read it.

I cannot stress how much I hate the fact that Harry named his child after Dumbledore and Snape. I know there is something to be said of some fondness he may feel for Dumbledore. He was kind to Harry at times and was someone Harry really looked up to. I can understand why he named his child after Dumbledore. But I don't think it's right. Dumbledore left Harry in an abusive household for his entire childhood, even when McGonagall questioned his judgement, insisted on tiptoeing around the truth and being vague on purpose when all Harry wanted was answers, ignored Harry when he needed him most(ootp), and raised a child to die without him knowing. And even though what Dumbledore put Harry through was terrible, I can understand that Harry might feel a certain fondness for him. But Snape. I cannot even begin to explain how much I hate him. I may make another post about it detailing exactly why but long story short, snape literally abused harry to the point where even less than a year into knowing him, Harry was convinced that his own teacher was trying to kill him. And then, "ur mom got mad at me cus I called her a slur twenty years ago and im still sad" and he's a saint? Fuck Snape.

I didn't like the 'Scorpius might be Voldemort's son' plotline. I don't think it made any sense. And I think it's stupid that everyone just believes this stupid rumor with no evidence at all. Even Harry believed it at one point. If they thought all the time turners were destroyed, how did they think Astoria traveled back in time to get knocked up by Voldemort? Why would Voldemort agree to that? How do they explain Scorpius looking like his father? It's ridiculous and shouldn't have been included. If they wanted to keep the plotline that Scorpius was secluded and ostracized by most of his classmates, they should have just gone with the 'his dad was a death eater' route. It makes a lot more sense than some stupid rumor that in no way could be true.

I didn't like the whole "there's a dark cloud around ur son" plot. Harry has been known to repeatedly discredit divination in the books. So why does he believe the centaur so wholeheartedly without hesitation? I know that he has respect for the centaurs because they saved his life and they are oppressed for being 'half-breeds' which is not right at all. But I still think its out of character for Harry to just believe in some vision the centaur had without any question. And it shouldn't take Draco Malfoy to tell him that after he already made both of their sons lives hell.

Speaking of Harry's character, I don't think it was in character for him to split up Albus and Scorpius like that. He, out of all people, should know how important friends are at Hogwarts. He even says to Albus earlier in the play that friends are important and he didn't know what he would've done without Ron and Hermione. So why would he willingly split his son and his only friend up just because Scorpius might be evil? And honestly, if he ever even made the effort to meet Scorpius, he would know that Scorpius 'excuse me, Mr. Muggle' and 'my geekness is a-quivering' Malfoy is the least likely person ever to be evil. I suppose it isn't too unlike him to hate Scorpius at first just because he's Malfoy's son. But if he can forgive Snape for bullying him for years, he should be able to look past his rivalry with Draco for the sake of his son's safety and happiness. I mean, Harry would be downright murderous if someone tried to split up him and Ron for no good reason at Hogwarts. So why does he think it's okay for him to split up Scorpius and Albus?

Also the way he treated McGonagall was completely out of line and out of character. In the books, he (almost) always treated McGonagall with complete respect and admired her, even if he didn't quite agree with her at times. So for him to storm into her office and demand anything of her is completely out of character and just downright shitty.

Also, and I know this has been said before but the whole Cedric Diggory being a death eater thing? So stupid. Cedric is quite possibly the best person in the series. He is always nice to everyone and always makes sure things are fair. You're telling me that because of getting embarrassed when he was 17 he's gonna turn into a wizard nazi? It doesn't make any sense. I mean. So many people loved him and were absolutely destroyed when he died. Because of how much of a genuinely nice and loving person he was. Amos Diggory, over 20 years later still is trying to find ways to bring his son back. Cedric wanted a rematch in poa after the dementors made harry faint in quidditch! Because it wasn't fair! That boy deserved better.

I hate the Delphi plot. It just kind of invalidates Voldemort's whole character. The whole point of his character and why he was so evil was because he was incapable of love. The only reason he tolerates certain people is because he has a use for them. It's incredibly stupid that Voldemort would ever feel enough for Bellatrix to do...that with her. I know that one doesn't need to love someone to have sex but I don't see Voldemort ever doing that. Not only because i dont want to picture it but also because he would find the whole concept of it too human. He would never trust anyone enough to have a child with them. The only way I could ever see him having a child is maybe to clone himself? Or find some other self dependent way to have a child. And he wouldn't have a child. So that's stupid.

I didn't like the relationship they try to push between Rose and Scorpius. Rose makes it pretty clear from their first meeting that she doesn't like Scorpius and her opinion doesn't seem to change throughout the play. Rose to me just seemed like 'I know that Albus and Scorpius have chemistry throughout the entire play and would make sense to be together but...no homo'. It's one of those 'won't take no for an answer' kind of relationships that are super harmful. If a girl says no, respect it and move on. I thought the little awkward attempts at flirting with her were cute but the overall concept of Rose and Scorpius ending up together doesn't sit right with me. Especially with the amount of chemistry that he has with Albus. It doesn't make sense for him to be with Rose.

Also. I hate that Ron and Hermione don't end up together in the alternate timelines. They obviously still love each other. It wouldn't make sense for Ron to end up marrying Padma after spending one night with her at the yule ball. While the yule ball was a big factor in ron and Hermione figuring out their feelings for each other, it definitely wasn't the only moment that mattered. Just because Hermione and Ron went to the ball together doesn't mean they wouldn't end up married. Wouldn't the house elf situation in DH have still happened in the timeline where Hermione is the teacher? I just don't get it. Is there something I'm missing here?

Hey, wtf was with the whole trolley witch thing? I hated it.

That's most of my problems with the cursed child. I overall enjoyed it but there were a lot of flaws and plot holes and things that just didn't make sense. To me the whole play was just a cash grab for jkr. She wanted to keep profiting on the franchise. She did the same with the fantastic beast series. She didn't do it for her passion for the series. She did it to stay relevant and make money. She sucks. It’s nice for if you want the feels and just need something to read but not if you want to take a serious look at something. Don’t go into it with high expectations.

Let me know if there’s anything else you’d like to hear my opinions on! I was thinking about making a post about Draco Malfoy and my thoughts on his character since he’s pretty controversial in the fandom. Or maybe some popular\unpopular ships?

[lumoshyperion]

Your thoughts on the Cursed Child giving us pure good Slytherins like Scorpius, Albus and Craig? I'm not a Slytherin myself but it's always good to see Hogwarts houses more nuance than a house being purely good or purely evil.

It's one of my favourite things about Cursed Child, honestly? It dismantles a lot of the preconceived notions about Slytherin, and it critiques Harry and his friend’s opinions on them. It takes that scene at the end of the books ("What if I am put in Slytherin?") and expands upon it.

I've already answered a question about Craig, so I'll mostly talk about Albus and Scorpius and their relationship with their house. It's interesting seeing or hearing how each actor responds in the sorting scene. Scorpius varies from annoyed, but not surprised - to happy and relieved, in Nyx's case. But Albus is always shocked. Sean changed her reaction up every time I saw her. Sometimes they were smiling. Still riding on the high of that conversation in the train carriage to Hogwarts - which made the look in their eyes at the sorting hat's decision all the more heartbreaking. And sometimes she was already terrified. Wringing her hands, her eyes darting through the audience as the hat stalls over Albus' house. And then it happens, and they go completely still with shock.

There's a lot of stock put into characters choosing their houses, but I don't think Albus or Scorpius had a choice. Albus didn't ask for Slytherin and, even if he did, how do we know that the hat would have put him there just because he asked and not because it's where he belonged? I think a lot of people used to misinterpret the traits of a Slytherin as purely bad or black and white. Ambition? Cunning? Doing anything to get what they want? Surely these aren't the traits of a good person. Surely no one that has the ability to be kind or selfless would be sorted into Slytherin.

But one of the major bullies of Scorpius and Albus is Polly Chapman, and she's in Gryffindor. Rose, also in Gryffindor, claims that she used to be best friends with Albus, but it's clear from their conversations that she doesn't talk to him anymore and that he doesn't trust her anymore. Even his older brother is a model Gryffindor student, and yet he teases Albus constantly. Something we forget is that these are all teenagers. Scorpius, Albus, and Rose are characters we first meet when they're eleven years old, and their arcs in the play end when they're fourteen. We're all still developing our sense of self at these ages. None of us knew who we were or what we wanted. We acted based on impulse and on years of influence from our parents, our family, our friends - anyone older than us who we believed must have known better.

There's something inherently flawed about putting eleven year old’s into houses that whittle them down to the most basic of traits. Because it's not as simple as that? Hermione could have been a Ravenclaw - she's got the brains for it, and the thirst for learning. But she could have been a Slytherin, too - isn't her ambition one of the first pieces of dialogue about her in the play? Craig could be a Hufflepuff. He's kind and loyal, he's quiet and shy. We see very little ambition from him in the play, although we do know that he's prefect and that he's clever enough to be able to do the Scorpion King's homework as well as his own. I think Craig is a perfect example of houses not defining a student's entire personality. He's the perfect example of how much more complex and nuanced these kids are, beyond what their houses say about them.

With Scorpius and Albus, we have a clearer idea of why they were sorted into Slytherin. We see how well Scorpius does in the other reality, concealing his true feelings and moving from each scene with such clear goals in mind and without ever faltering in his search for answers. There's something he says in the Forbidden Forest to Snape that I think sums my answer up really well - "The world changes and we change with it. I am better off in this world." Because, like it or not, he is popular in this world. He is well liked and respected in this world. He sees that and a part of him enjoys that - he and Albus even discuss it later on in the dormitory, and Scorpius reveals how much braver and stronger he feels for his experiences. But, as he goes on to say, "the world is not better. And I don't want that."

It's about the fact that, while he does enjoy being popular and respected, none of that matters because he still sees how cruel and jaded the Scorpion King is. He sees Craig cowering at the sight of him in the library and he hates it. Of course he fixes the world because he knows it can't go on like this. But he also fixes it because he looks right through the power and strength of his alternate self, and he sees a selfishness and cruelty that he cannot accept. When Sean's Albus would laugh and bring up Polly Chapman fancying Scorpius, Nyx would give the most unimpressed shrug. And then their voice would lower and their expression would darken, as they explained just how awful the Scorpion King was. How none of that popularity or respect mattered, because it concealed an evil that Scorpius hated to have found existed in himself, even in another reality.

And continuing with the theme of that scene in the dormitory, we also hear Albus dismantling his own actions that he's made up until that point. He worries that he only wanted to save Cedric to prove himself. He only put their lives on the line because he wanted to show the world that he isn’t just Harry Potter’s son. That he isn’t just a Slytherin in a family of Gryffindors - that he can be brave and heroic, too. But there are different kinds of bravery. And Albus could have done anything he wanted to remove himself from the shadow of his dad. He’s a clever kid. He’s cunning and resourceful - he’s more of a Slytherin than even Scorpius, who comes from a family of Slytherins. But instead, he overhears a grieving father begging Harry to give him his son back, and he decides to do something about it. He decides to put himself at risk, running away from school and changing time itself to save the life of a complete stranger. Because he sees the love Amos has for Cedric - the kind of love he doesn’t feel from his own dad - and instead of feeling jealous or angry, he... wants to help. He wants to do what his dad cannot and bring an old man his son back. That’s kind. That’s heroic. 

“When Amos Diggory asked for the Time-Turner my father denied they even existed. He lied to an old man who just wanted his son back - who just loved his son. And he did it because he didn’t care... because he doesn’t care. Everyone talks about all the brave things Dad did. But he made some mistakes too. Some big mistakes, in fact. I want to set one of those mistakes right. I want us to save Cedric.” - Albus, Act One Scene Three.

“I know what it is to be the spare. Your son didn’t deserve to be killed, Mr Diggory. We can help you get him back.” - Albus, Act One Scene Fourteen.

"Cedric? Your dad loves you.” “What?” “Your dad loves you. Very much. I just thought you should know that.” - Albus and Cedric, Act Three Scene Twenty. 

In the final scene, Albus talks about how he wanted Delphi killed for what she did, and he says that maybe this is his “Slytherin side”. Maybe this is what the sorting hat saw in him. Because even after everything, even after all that he experienced and all that he’s seen in both Scorpius and Craig and the other Slytherin students, he’s still held down by the misconceptions about Slytherin. And that’s so unfair? It’s unfair that children have been made to feel like this. Albus is empathetic. Scorpius is kind. Craig is loyal. But they’re put into a box that none of them asked for and that is so hard to wrap your head around at that age. Because you don’t know what you did wrong, but you do know that it must have been something because suddenly everyone treats you differently. So you try to explain it to yourself. You think of everything you’ve ever said or done in a different light. And you wonder if maybe, just maybe, you are what they say you are. And you start to doubt every part of you that’s good or kind or compassionate. And it’s something that Albus struggles with the most in the play. And I’m going to close this ask with some quotes from Draco to Harry, because I think I’ve gone on for too long and because what he said is very relevant. 

“You can’t talk to Albus. I can’t talk to Scorpius. That’s what this is about. Not about my son being evil. Because as much as you might take the word of a haughty centaur, you know the power of friendship.”

“My father thought he was protecting me. Most of the time. People say parenting is the hardest job in the world - they’re wrong - growing up is. We all just forget how hard it was. I think you have to make a choice - at a certain point - of the man you want to be. And I tell you at that time you need a parent or a friend. And if you’ve learnt to hate your parent by then and you have no friends... then you’re all alone. And being alone - that’s so hard.”

“Maybe the black cloud Bane saw was Albus’s loneliness. His pain. His hatred. Don’t lose the boy. You’ll regret it. And so will he. Because he needs you and Scorpius.”

ask me questions about year two, year three, and other things!

[thefossilwhale]

i filled out this super cool button character profile by @extraordinarymage for sabrina! thank you for making this, it was a lot of fun to fill out <3 the bulk of it is under a cut and oh boy is it long !!!

Short, Quick Reference

Name: Sabrina Wiseman

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Love Interest: Kent

Main personality trait: Confidence

Secondary personality trait: Morbidity

Relationship with Nick: Full of love, haunted by unaddressed guilt and frustration. But mostly full of love.

Nickname for Nick: Saint Nick (used sparingly)

Resentful or accepting?: Slightly resentful

Main strategy (interpersonal, insightful, innovative?): Insightful

Ethical or expedient?: Expedient

GENERAL

Name: Sabrina Larkspur Wiseman

Nickname(s): Sab, used by anyone; Sabby, only Nick and Sally; and, of course, Button for Nick.

Birthday: I think I made her an October Libra for the purpose of a template I did months ago, but I’m not sure! No concrete birthday yet, I’m always very slow to nail down details like this.

Age: 20

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Hair color + style: Blonde. A little past shoulder length, sometimes wavy. Usually a middle part. For Aeon, tied back in a bun.

Eye color: Blue, entirely because of the section of Frank O’Hara’s “Meditations in an Emergency” that goes, “My eyes are vague blue, like the sky...”

Height: 5′5

Piercings: Multiple in each ear, but a couple have started to close.

Tattoos: None yet! Sab likes the idea of a tattoo but is worried about finding the perfect design, whether she’d end up hating it, that the pain might be greater than she expects and she’ll look like a baby in front of her tattoo artist. I’d like to think she eventually consults Sally and/or Glitch to come up with an idea that she falls in love with, but I haven’t come up with what that would be!

Clothing style: Mostly solid colors, not a lot of patterns. Nothing super bright, but a fairly varied mix of pastels, neutrals, dark colors, black. Partial to denim skirts and sweater tops. Ankle boots. Likes a good turtleneck. She’s bolder when it comes to formal wear, and especially loves suits. Big fan of silk and satin.

Since she has a pretty accurate face claim, I’ll link some gifsets I’ve rb’d for appearance ref if you are so inclined.

STATS

I’m always adjusting minor things and swapping scenes around, but these are from my most recent Sab run! Most scores hover somewhere around these values.

Personality:

Confidence: 53%

Humor: 5%

Morbidity: 22%

Resentful: 57% | Accepting: 43%

Strategy:

Interpersonal: 12%

Insightful: 50%

Innovative: 10%

Ethical: 43% | Expedient: 57%

KEY DECISIONS:

What is Nick’s nickname and why?: Saint Nick, used very rarely. It’s a joking reference to the time she thought Santa was an evil Ment out to ruin Christmas, and a point about Nick overdoing it with the cheer. “Saint Nick” is usually code for “I know you mean well, but please mind your own business.” Otherwise, she just calls him Nick.

What is their favorite type of cookie (and its name and why?): Salted caramel chocolate chip! No special name.

What was their initial reaction to Sally hugging them, as kids?: She just froze. That could just be me projecting adult Sabrina onto her childhood self; I don’t imagine that she was as uncomfortable around strangers or quite as cautious back then. But that’s what I’ll stick with.

How did they ace the ASE test?: The in-game option she takes is “My entire life has revolved around strategic avoidance,” but the one about being just plain smart also sounds like her. If Sab has the chance to thoroughly (over)prepare for something, she will do it. Her mind blindness also has her constantly (over)analyzing situations. So, hard work and relentless anxiety!

Did they manage to win their first assignment? How?: Yes, by having Sally block the door. I’ve headcanoned some slight differences in how it plays out, which I wrote about in-depth here. To summarize, Sab thinks of blocking the door as a desperate last resort, not a clever loophole, and she pushes back against Rosy’s praise because she wishes she could have done it the “real” way. Rosy goes from being impressed to being annoyed that she’s willfully missing the point.

What was the primary emotion Button felt during the Aeon bombing (love, gratitude, etc?): Guilt. She feels very guilty about how much Nick has given up for her in general, but I think that in the moment, it’s on a smaller scale. The fact that Nick was on the phone with her when it happened, coming to her rescue like always, becomes emblematic of their whole relationship for her, and she really fixates on that.

Who drove them home from the hospital from and why?: Glitch. Sab responds to her initial text with “Are you sure?”, and is relieved when Glitch takes that as “Yes, please.” She doesn’t relish the idea of being around someone more connected to her family or Nick at that point.

How do they feel about Nick riding around in their mind?: Worried, at first. Just because it’s so unknown and absolutely insane. After seeing Doctor Amari, she’s excited! Sab is thrilled to be a Pollard Five and intends to take full advantage of it. I am not looking forward to seeing how she reacts when that’s taken away from her.

Why did Button agree to do the undercover mission?: To prove she still deserves to be an MIV. Sabrina feels stupid and reckless for putting herself, Nick, and Aeon in this position, but she knows she’s smart, and she hasn’t worked this hard for nothing. She wants to prove what she could do with a normal Pollard Score and make herself too valuable to give up even when she’s back to Zero.

Told Glitch about your mind blindness?: Depends on the playthrough. I’m constantly going back and forth on whether Sab meets Glitch for coffee or wanders the city with Nick in her second chapter 5 slot (after trying to track down Kent). If she does meet Glitch, though, she absolutely tells her; with how touchy Sab is about privacy, she couldn’t stomach not warning Glitch that Nick could hear everything they said.

Figured out K’s secret?: Nope. She finds enough of the clues to be given the “I knew it!” option in-game, but she didn’t actually put it together. Sab is too angry and embarrassed by learning that Kent is an AMO to find any reason to interrogate it. “The random guy I met before school just happens to be a jerk” is a perfectly sound explanation to her.

Found Noh’s clues?: Not at the metro station. Sometimes she sees the Vengeance brooms in chapter 5 (again, depending on the playthrough), but that’s it.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP:

Love Interest: Kent

Why them?: Sab feels an immediate kinship with Kent after learning about the NPO program. It’s kind of funny how quickly he moves from the least sympathetic position in her eyes (Ment who got past me and read my mind without my knowledge) to the most sympathetic (non-powered child of a prominent family aiming a league above where he “belongs”). A lot of new respect for his competence. Her fate is sealed when she realizes that his kindness at the hospital wasn’t him trying to make up for some wrongdoing, but just him being very sweet. (She had scoffed over “You needed help.” But now she’s like, “Oh. He meant that?! Fuck.”)

As they spend more time together, Sab realizes how weirdly similar they are in other ways, too. And she starts to feel safe/secure around him in a way that she’s extremely not used to. Growing up surrounded by Ments, Sab has a lot of issues about being too much, too difficult, needing to “be worthy” of love. So someone like Kent who is not a Ment, who has no “obligation” to care about her, and whose judgement she trusts implicitly? Being around him and being loved by him mean a lot, and I think will go a long way towards helping her reflect on her other relationships!

What are their first impressions of each other?: Okay, there are like 3 first impressions with Kent. First: he’s tall and handsome and secretly adorable, and they have similar career goals, so she’s drafting a five-month plan to woo him and get his number. Second: he’s a lying, self-obsessed loser who owes her many explanations. Third: oh no, the first impression was true! And he’s been continually, selflessly kind to her in spite of her overt hostility. Scratch the five-month plan, because the crush was only fun when it was entirely superficial; now she really, really likes him and that just sucks.

We know that Button makes a good impression on K by stopping for their dogs, but apart from that... I mean, the “we confused each other” from chapter 7 is very apt. Sab has lots of shifting personas, and Kent sees pretty much every one within 24 hours. The prevailing impression before everything gets cleared up is probably just that she cares a lot? About everything? Her stopping for the dogs, how seriously she takes the first assignment, the way she seems so deeply affected by something he said or did that morning. It’s a rare side of her to meet first because she usually pretends to be above everything.

What feature does your Button find most attractive in their RO (ex. appearance, personality, etc.)?: Probably his composure. And his... steadfastness? The way he seems unruffled by anything, his soothing presence. She really admires that about him and finds the calm contagious.

What do they do to spend time together?: Going on drives together! Kent driving while Sab plays songs she thinks he’ll like, talking or not talking. Cuddling on the couch while reading their own separate books. Museum dates. Walking the dogs together.

Do they argue? How do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they make up?: I imagine that the first month or so of their relationship would be difficult, just because they’re both bad at expressing themselves and not used to relying on other people. Kent kind of negates a lot of Sab’s impulses to get defensive or hostile, so instead of arguments, I think there are more likely to be awkward periods where she’s just stewing in something without addressing it. Most of their fights would be, like, one of them becoming really distant for a concerning number of days until the other tries to awkwardly check in on them.

What does their future look like?: Uhh some random lore: I think eventually they do get married, despite neither of them caring that much about it. Sabrina would be excited to have something to plan, and she knows it would make the people around her happy. They have a long engagement; there’s never really an “official” proposal, just an acknowledgement that yeah, they’ll get married one day, and then eventually they get rings. The engagement is almost Sab’s favorite part, honestly. She likes planning and showing off her ring and calling Kent her fiancé, a lot of fanfare on her part for a wedding that ends up being very modest and chill.

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS (Feel free to go in depth!)

Relationship with Nick: When I first started developing Sab, I thought that with as difficult/prickly as she can be, her relationship with Nick would be worse than it is. Never bad, but certainly strained, with more jealousy/resentment on her side. However, she rejected this. She is resentful, but never towards Nick—she internalizes the negative parts of their relationship so they manifest as guilt instead. And that’s the problem, not resentment. Sab thinks he’s overprotective, but that doesn’t make her angry; it just makes her sad. She wishes things were different and he didn’t feel so responsible for her, but she also doesn’t know how she could manage without him taking on so many of her burdens. So, guilt! So much love, but always looming guilt.

Having Nick in her head has helped. It’s added a new kind of guilt (“I’m a horrible person for being so giddy that people can’t hear my thoughts even though that requires my brother to be in a coma”), but getting inside Nick’s head for once and really feeling his love for her changes things. Makes her feel way more secure, I guess? It’s easier to see her brother as human person, a friend who loves her, rather than a perfect selfless paragon who sacrificed everything to raise her, which is an important shift.

There are also Things happening with self-presentation in the fact that they’re both models, and flirts, and pretend to be shallow. And the ways that they’ve responded to vastly different expectations. And selflessness versus selfishness. But I have no idea how to talk about that yet.

Relationship with Father: Strained and distant. Sabrina doesn’t necessarily blame him for leaving, but she hates how he’s handled it. She’s incredibly frustrated that John insists on keeping them in this miserable limbo of uncomfortable visits, even though moving away was (to her) a tacit acknowledgement that she and her parents are better off without each other. He’s trying to force a relationship that Sab thinks is ultimately harmful for everyone involved. For Nick’s sake, she’s willing to grin and bear the visits, but it never works because John can obviously tell it’s an act. He pushes her, she gets defensive, and so on to infinity.

Relationship with Mother: Like with John, Sab doesn’t resent Hope for the incident itself, or for leaving afterward. It was terrifying, and the idea of being around Hope makes her panic—but she thinks of that as just another irrational anxiety symptom, and she’s trying to work through it. What she does resent Hope for is letting it get to that point at all. Sab is incredibly bitter that Hope will suffer silently to the point of almost killing her (during the incident) and potentially herself (with the BRS), while Sab has no choice but to be completely open. Especially because they’re so similar in that way—she’s almost jealous. “Oh, so your silence is allowed to almost kill me and it’s ‘nobody’s fault’ but I can’t pretend to enjoy a single lunch with Dad without him calling me out for lying?”

And even though she doesn’t hold the incident itself against her, Sab is very hung up on “Why are you never quiet? Why are you always there?” She knows, on some level, that this was not a Personal Judgement against her. But because Hope keeps so much quiet, this is the only honest expression of her mother’s feelings that she can remember! It would take a lot for Sab to believe that Hope was really, genuinely interested in reconnecting with her, rather than just pretending to love her "enough” this time because to do otherwise would reflect poorly on Hope as a mother.

Relationship with Sally: Besties <3 Sally is the only member of the Wiseman inner circle that Sab doesn’t have complicated feelings about. They both have hidden morbid streaks that they bring out in each other, and can laugh about. They both have competitive streaks that work well together because they’re always on the same team. And their wants/needs from the relationship complement each other well, I think. Sally has always felt valued because she’s useful and not because she’s loved, while Sab has always felt smothered by love/care without feeling like she genuinely adds value to other people’s lives. So it means a lot to both of them that they’re able to help each other practically, while also genuinely loving and supporting each other outside of that.

Relationship with Gray: Full of trust and genuine care, but predicated on distance. Sab loves him a lot for being so careful not to cross any boundaries, physical or emotional, with her. She’s grateful that he’s there for Nick in a way that she doesn’t feel she can be. But "I like Gray because he doesn’t push me and is good to Nick” means that any hand he extend makes her defensive, because she’ll either view him as an emissary of Nick or start to panic because their normal routine is being disrupted (she doesn’t tell him about Hope in ch 3, for example).

They get along very well in a friend-of-a-friend sort of way, and bond over being cautious counterparts to Nick. Also, Sab never had a crush on Gray, but she is not immune to tall superhero and thinks it’s fun to fake flirt with him. (You know Isabela’s “You have pretty eyes” routine from DA2? Sab does that to Gray when conversations steer towards things she’d rather not talk about.)

Relationship with Glitch: I’m really excited about these two! They click from the start, and Sabrina feels immediately comfortable around Glitch, which makes her feel distinctly uncomfortable whenever she catches herself. Externally, they have pretty different personalities, but they’re both perceptive and... socially manipulative? aware of their self-presentation?... in ways that they both pick up on right away. So it’s a lot of conversational maneuvering and trying to figure out what the other’s game is, while also genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

Relationship with Kent/Kenna: I could go truly insane here. See the romance section above instead.

Relationship with Kim: Sab wants him to like her sooooo bad. He’s one of the only people to ever really get through to her, re: my headcanon conversation after the first assignment. Authority figures tend to treat her as special, whether that’s negatively because of her mind blindness or positively because she’s such an overachiever. She had no idea how to respond to that not being the case (and didn’t handle it well at first), but chapter 6 solidifies her respect for him.

It also turns Rosy’s opinion of Sab around; he was impressed by her in class but left his office thinking she was self-absorbed and naive. But the bombing is a reality check, and her response is very measured and practical in a way that surprises him.

Relationship with Lev: She doesn’t mind the comparisons to Nick or the “maybe one day they’ll fix you” comments as much as you might think. They aren’t her favorite, but she prefers that sort of thing to the inspirational platitudes belied by coddling that she got from her family growing up. Sab has fond memories of Lev and is grateful that he’s always been kind to her, but doesn’t have any particular feelings apart from that.

Relationship with Clarence: Holds a grudge against him for causing a scene, making her late, and generally being a jerk. But she can’t fault him for being right, after what happened! Mostly she just wants to avoid him, but she’ll be thrilled to lord her success over him if/when she proves herself.

Relationship with Dean Branham: Like Rosy, another authority figure that Sab desperately wants to impress. But without the personal investment she has in Rosy’s validation, more “Oh, this person is in charge, so I should make her like me!” Despite Nick’s and Rosy’s reservations, Sabrina doesn’t really have a problem with being “strongarmed” or manipulated into cooperating; for now, she figures Branham was just doing her job and respects her tactics.

Relationship/attitude towards Ments in general: Mostly just uncomfortable and wary around them. Sab doesn’t want her mind read, and she figures that no Ment wants to be forced to read it either. So she has a pretty strict “no Ments” rule for close personal relationships (excluding Nick, Sally, and Gray, of course. But only Nick really counts because he’s the only one who can hear her thoughts whenever she’s nearby). Not out of hatred or resentment, just because she knows it will be easier for everyone in the long run.

Do they have any other important relationships, past or present? (Relatives, friends, etc.?): Not many, but yes! Sab dated around a lot in the 2 years before Aeon (more like year and a half, because she completely shut it down once she was more focused on preparing for the MIV program), but there are 2 relationships that were formative/important for her. A high school sweetheart, and someone Sab met through modeling. She doesn’t keep up with her high school ex, but the model is her best friend outside of Sally and Nick, and they still keep in touch! I’m still developing them/the relationships, and I’ll probably post more about them someday. They’re fun!

PERSONAL BIO

Describe their personality: Confusing and contradictory. She has two main modes that confuse people who meet both (e.g., Kent). She’s either cold, stuck-up, and sometimes hostile, OR she’s charming, frivolous, and sometimes flirty. Mode 1 is tense but stoic and inexpressive; mode 2 is seemingly relaxed but very posed and insincere. Mode 1 is for when she feels uncertain or has no agenda apart from “get to point B”; mode 2 is for when she’s more comfortable or trying to manipulate someone. Her actual personality is a bit closer to the second, but she doesn’t pretend not take things seriously or hide when she’s annoyed.

Strengths: Analytical, methodical, detail-oriented. Very driven and hardworking. May not always act like it, but does have social skills/charisma; a great liar, if you can’t read her mind. Unfailingly loyal and loving to her favorite people, so so so warm and affectionate and supportive if she really loves you. Very perceptive.

Weaknesses: Way too proud. Can be petty and vindictive. Self-absorbed (she doesn’t mean anything by it, but it’s hard for her to see past herself sometimes). Stubborn, hates being wrong. And... emotional isn’t the word, but strong negative emotions can really cloud her judgement. It ties into her being proud, petty, and stubborn; if she’s really upset about something, she can cling to that emotion instead of re-evaluating it or moving forward.

Phobias: From this ask about the phobias that are planned to show up in-game, there are a few that I could see fitting Sab, but I want to wait to see how they’re implemented before I fully commit. Which is very metagame-y, I know (and I am very metagame-y about IF), but “fear of X” is so broad that it really does depend on when/how it manifests in the text.

That being said, agoraphobia is almost a lock; crowds do make Sab very anxious if she can’t keep track of everyone within a certain distance, and if she can’t leave when she starts feeling antsy. Claustrophobia is a maybe. The choice that triggers it (in chapter 4, about hating MRI machines) suits Sab, but I’m not sure if she hates MRI machines because she hates tight spaces, or if it’s more related to her general anxiety about hospitals, medical tests, etc. Which she definitely has!

What activities/club did they do in school?: She avoided anything group-oriented as far as possible. She took piano (maybe violin?) lessons and did recitals, but wasn’t in orchestra. The one exception was maybe National Honor Society or some equivalent, which she would have joined for her resume’s sake. And I think she would have tutored!

Where do they escape to when they need space?: A little used library corner, where she can people watch without being seen/heard.

How do they feel about/cope with their mind blindness?: Sab hates it but tries not to dwell on it. She knows that it’s no one’s fault, and she mainly just tries to... minimize it? Drown out her thoughts, limit her contact with Ments. And, least healthily, very rigidly managing herself. Because there’s so much of her that exists outside of herself, without her control, she tries to either filter or completely suppress everything else. Part of why she got into modeling, she can perform and be perfect and have total control over the final product of her body in the photographs for whatever campaign. Some Day This Will Be Better. But definitely not where she is in current canon.

How has your Button changed since the Incident with Hope?: Developed many new anxieties and disorders and syndromes :) She also became way more self-conscious, as in literally conscious of and way more tightly monitoring herself, what she’s thinking, what she’s expressing, how she’s sitting, etc. Less emotive face, more rigid posture.

If they weren’t an Aeon student, what would they be doing?: Sab would have beaten herself up forever if she “proved everyone right” by avoiding Unity/Ments entirely, so she’d want to stay in the family business somehow. She probably would have ended up doing scientific research on mental agility. Maybe even working for Mirrortech or some other biotech company, which I imagine would have been an interesting conversation to have with the family.

RANDOM FACTS:

Zodiac sign: Like I said, I assigned her Libra months ago for the sake of a template. But I don’t know enough about astrology to commit. Libra or Leo, probably.

Hobbies: Music, reading poetry, “cooking” (i.e., sitting on the counter and not helping while Nick makes dinner)

Likes: Watching other people (Nick) play video games, dressing up, taking long showers/baths, dark chocolate with caramel, back hugs

Dislikes: Being patronized, hot weather, going to the doctor, driving, doing anything she is not good at

Type of bedsheets: Bamboo.

Drink of choice: Cucumber mint lemonade! For hot drinks, some kind of caramel coffee. For alcohol, she refuses to get drunk because she’s terrified of having even less control of her mental broadcast, but at home/around people she trusts she’ll have a glass or two of wine. Doesn’t know enough to be picky, but doesn’t like it too sweet.

Favorite food: Probably some pasta dish Nick makes with asparagus and tomatoes and a lot of garlic.

Favorite color: Like a light turquoise!

Favorite music: Music to her was another mind-shielding tactic before anything else, so she tends to like upbeat-ish electronic/pop stuff. Catchy and repetitive, and/or with lots of personality to drown out her own thoughts. On the other end of the spectrum, she does have a soft spot for crackly, lo-fi, old or old-sounding slow songs—something about fuzzy recordings simulating a weak telepathic signal.

Favorite season: Hmm, spring and autumn are both good. She likes either side of winter.

Anything else you’d like to share: My heart and a long, fulfilling marriage, with anyone who reads all this 💍

[barbasbodaciousbeard]

Trust Me

Summary: Rafael’s First case since coming home has Rebecca antsy, but it also gives them a way to tell people about Catalina. 

Pairings: Rafael Barba x OC

A/N: Is this a series? Sure? I can’t stop won’t stop. This one comes before the Valentine’s One Shot

Part One  - Part Two  - Part Three  - This one - Part Five (Valentine’s)

“It’s just a meeting,” Rafael whispered, curled beside Rebecca in bed. He’d gone back to his apartment to get more clothes, but for the most part, Rafael hadn’t left Rebecca’s side since spending Christmas Eve with her and Catalina. He liked the mornings most. They would both wake up before Catalina, laying in bed and playing with each other’s hair and chatting about what the day would hold. She’d kissed him in front of Catalina the day before, and the little girl barely noticed. He was getting excited for Rebecca to go back to work as it neared because he’d get to spend days he wasn’t in court or meeting with inmates taking care of Catalina. 

“I’m just nervous. You’ve changed. I’ve been able to tell, but it’s only been a week and a half.”

“I know. But I’m not jeopardizing all of this. I might take defense work. I told you that and Olivia knows that.”

“Promise you’ll keep being communicative?” 

“I swear to you, Becca. I know it’ll take time for you to feel like I’m not lying.”

“I don’t think you’re lying,” she murmured, propping her chin in her hand to watch him. “I just gotta get used to non-workaholic Rafael.”

“Now I’m sappy family man Rafael, apparently. I’ll be a house husband if that’s what makes things work best.”

She grinned, kissing him softly. It had been nice to see him like this, content to stay home and be together. For once, he wasn’t chasing success, trying to prove he deserved everything he’d gotten. What had been exceptionally nice was seeing him more emotional than she thought he’d be. They’d watched Up, and he’d laid back on the couch and cried throughout the emotional parts, sniffing and pretending he hadn’t when Catalina mentioned it. 

“Mama? Mr. Barba?” they heard echo from down the hall, and Rafael smiled softly. He’d been there ten mornings now, but this was the first one she expected to see him. 

“Let’s go get the kiddo,” she grinned, kissing his temple.

“She called for me too,” he said proudly, slipping into his sweats. When they got to her room, Catalina climbed out of the bed, sticking her arms up. Rafael picked her up happily, bouncing her on his hip.

“Morning mija,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. 

“Morning Mr. Barba.”

“I have to work today. Can you keep an eye on mami?”

“Si! Does that mean you have to go home?”

“No. I’ll be back for dinner. I promise.” He gave Rebecca a meaningful look she knew meant I really will be here for dinner this time, and she hoped it was true. Rebecca took Catalina downstairs to make breakfast, and Rafael showered and dressed. It was oddly soothing to see him in the pink and blue shirt and jeans, casual coat slung over his shoulder and casual shoes in hand. She relaxed when she saw him, and he smiled softly. 

As promised, he was home that night in time for dinner, and though he looked tired, he looked content still. They ate together, moving to the living room. He worked on the couch as Catalina played and Rebecca folded laundry. It made more sense why she just wanted him there now. Maybe he wasn’t paying them active attention, but he was there to watch Catalina dance through the room or help Rebecca tote the laundry basket. He could almost understand why his presence made her happy. 

“I’m shaving before jury selection,” he told her, legal pad on the arm of the couch, Catalina having fallen asleep with her head on his lap. The pen in his hand hovered over the page, and he knew the nonchalance was feigned. 

“No,” Rebecca whined softly, and Rafael couldn’t help but laugh as he leaned into her touch as she scratched along his jaw.

“Clean shaven men are perceived as more friendly and more sociable. I don’t need unconscious biases added to my personality.”

“I don’t like defense work now.”

“I think I can pull it off when it isn’t such a controversial case.”

“We’ll be telling her the truth tomorrow then. Beard’s the only thing keeping you incognito.”

“Are you okay with that? I can stay at my house.” 

“No, I’m okay with it. I trust you. I wanted to wait longer, but you’re doing really well. You’re an amazing secret dad, and I know you’re not going anywhere.” He nodded, going back to work again. Rebecca sat in an armchair, notebook of plans for when school started again in her lap. It was more peaceful than it had ever been to be home with him as he worked. He hummed softly, hand not writing staying on Catalina’s side. When he came to bed, his beard was gone, and he seemed more self conscious than she expected.

“She’s going to know you’re her dad now,” Rebecca said, fingers trailing his jaw. “You look exactly the same.”

“I look older now,” he pouted. “My suits are mostly too small now too.”

“You’re just as hot, Rafi. Beard or no beard. And I like the little bit of weight. You’re so handsome. Total DILF.”

“Dios mio,” he said, rolling his eyes. “DILF? Really?”

“Do I gotta remind you, counsellor?” He groaned softly as she pulled him in, and he let her remind him. In fact, he was lucky enough to wake up to sleepy kisses and an eagerness to remind him again. As they laid together catching their breath, Rafael peppered kisses to her shoulder. This was a much better way to spend the morning before court than running out the door and eating a danish frantically as he walked from his office. Who’d have thought a five o’clock wake up could always be so enjoyable?

“We’ll miss you today,” Rebecca whispered, brushing his hair back.

“I’ll miss you both. You certainly gave me a lovely wake up call, mami.”

“Mmm, can you blame me, papi? Getting to see you every day?” He chuckled when he heard movement down the hall, tossing her his shirt as he pulled on his sweats. 

“Mija’s up.”

“We’ll see how long before she guesses.” They made their way to her room, and their question was quickly answered when a wide awake Catalina examined Rafael’s face seriously. She seemed unsure, arms crossed.

“Good morning mija,” he said softly, and it seemed to connect he was Mr. Barba was the beardless man in her room. She climbed from the bed, going to her book case where the little photo album sat. It held pictures of Al and Rodney, Rebecca, and Catalina as she grew up, but it also held the picture of Rafael that Rebecca used to talk about him.

“Mr. Barba looks like daddy. Is he daddy?” Rebecca didn’t know what to say. She’d thought it might be the end of the day before pieces were strung together, but Rafael dropped to sit on the ground.

“I am your daddy,” he said softly. “I wanted to let you know me first before we told you.”

“Where were you?”

“I was working a long way away. I couldn’t be here, but I am now. And I’ll never go away, mija. I like being your daddy too much.”

“Do I hafta call you Mr. Barba?”

“No.”

“How do you say daddy in spanish?”

“Papi.”

“Can we make cinnamon rolls, papi?”

“Yeah, of course,” he whispered, eyes watering as he pulled her in close for a hug. Rebecca hadn’t expected it to go so well, but she should have known Catalina was both too young to really get he’d been gone and too happy to have Rafael, her father or not,  around to really care. “Papi has to shower. Is it okay if mami helps with cinnamon rolls, and I’ll help ice them?”

“That’s okay,” she nodded, kissing his cheek. Catalina went to get her bear, and Rebecca kissed Rafael sweetly. He squeezed her hand, happy tears still in his eyes as he smiled at her. As quickly as he could, he showered and dressed, jacket, socks, and shoes on the couch as he held Catalina on his hip and helped her ice the cinnamon rolls fresh from the oven. 

Rebecca had already noticed in the two days of this trial that Rafael was making home and work boundaries. Once he got home, he’d immediately hang his jacket and take off his shoes, ready to talk about the day. They ate together happily, and she knew this was going to be a late night. He’d told her he was going for jury nullification, and in the biggest change, he’d explained the process to her and what it meant. She had an idea of why he’d be late and how much of the day would be spent charming and selecting a jury.

“Hey,” she answered when he called at lunch. 

“Hey. I just wanted to hear your voice.” He sounded tired, but also happy to be back in court in New York.

“Yeah? Got spoiled being home, huh?”

“Yeah. How’s Cat?”

“She’s really good. Al stopped by to talk about the first day back. She told him all about how much fun she’s been having with papi.”

“I bet he loved that.”

“You’re growing on him. I tell him every time you do good stuff. And you haven’t really done anything bad.”

“You gossip about me?”

“Yeah. Sorry. Al’s been through too much with me. But he can see you’re different too.”

“Fair. Can I start gossiping with Rodney?”

“Honestly, yeah. You two will probably end up pretty close.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. He had to figure out how to share and all that stuff too. I think that’s why Al can accept your change. His husband had to grow. Rodney was really guarded.”

“I just want to come be with my girls.”

“We’ll be here, Raf. Cat may be asleep when you get home, but I’ll put french toast casserole in the fridge. Stick it in the oven in the morning so we get family time.”

“I can’t wait. I have to go back in. Te amo, mi corazón.”

“I love you, Rafi.”

He came home that night, laying his jacket over the back of the couch and taking off his shoes. Rebecca had been in the kitchen, and she leaned over the back of the couch to wrap her arms around his shoulders. He put his hands on her forearms, smiling when she pressed a kiss against his temple.

“Long day?” 

“Yeah,” he exhaled, closing his eyes as his head leaned back. “I got a good jury though. And Carisi has become a great attorney. I’m proud of him.”

“Tell him that.”

“He won’t believe me.”

“Could mean something.”

“He’s going black and white. That’s the only thing that worries me.”

“Maybe talk to him when there’s some time between you and the trial?”

“I may do that. I’ve gotten relaxed. I don’t think he knows how to handle it. Don’t get me wrong, I was charming their asses off, but I took my jacket off and rolled up my sleeves in the courtroom. But Carisi was on top of it. He’s going to do great tomorrow. I’m a little bit worried.”

“Good. You’re even more charming. Plus hot,” she teased, pouring him a drink. “It sounds like you did a great job helping Carisi along. He’s probably grateful. This trial will throw him off too, going up against his mentor. But, you need to eat, counsellor. I kept you a plate warm.”

“You’re so good to me,” he groaned. 

“I love you,” she shrugged, handing him the plate and sitting beside him on the couch. “I like taking care of you.”

Each day of the trial continued the same, and it let Rebecca know she could breathe. He’d have breakfast with them before leaving. At lunch he’d call to check in. Trial days were nicer because he’d walk in just in time for dinner, insisting he get to do the bedtime routine since he hadn’t gotten any time with Catalina that day. Catalina asked about him throughout the day, but after he came home the second day, she also seemed to really trust papi would come home. They’d accepted it was time to move his things to her apartment, even if he kept his a while longer. It was the last day of the trial when Rafael proposed a change.

“Come by the bar after the case,” he murmured as he tied his tie in the mirror. “I want you to meet them.”

“Even Olivia?”

“Even Olivia. Al’s been dying to babysit. Says I’m taking all the Cat time. Come to the bar, then I’ll take you to a nice dinner. Just us. We haven’t gotten to do that yet.”

“That sounds perfect, Rafael. Do they know about her?”

“Carisi does because he goes to the same church. He saw us on Christmas Eve. Otherwise? No. But I’m fine with telling them. Just not until after the end of today.”

“Fair,” she smiled, kissing him softly. “I love you. I know it hasn’t been an easy case.”

“It’s been fine. He just needs a defense.” She fixed him with a look and he sighed. “I know. I don’t want to unpack that part until after, but you’re right. People taking life into their own hands is personal. I’m sure Liv will bring it up too. You can bond over making me talk about my feelings.”

“You did the right thing.”

“So did he.” 

They had breakfast with Catalina, and it was easy enough to get Al to babysit. Have a date with your reformed ex. Rodney and I will have happy uncle time. Per usual, Catalina was ecstatic to pack a bag to spend time with her uncles. She also always took too much, wanting to be sure she had enough toys to share. Always prepared, like her dad. It was Rebecca who always had to run out to buy a toothbrush or deodorant. Facetime us at lunch so she can see you before she goes to Al’s she sent, laid back on the couch with Catalina on her chest. He sent back an affirmative, letting her know deliberation had started and he’d be setting up camp in a coffee shop nearby. Want company? 

“Hiya handsome,” she grinned, answering the nearly instantaneous call. 

“Hola, hermosa,” he chuckled. “You two don’t have to do that.”

“I can drop her bag with Rodney. Come have lunch with you before I take her to meet Al. He’s taking her to the Z-O-O, so we’d be that way later anyway.”

“I’d love it then.”

“Half an hour?”

“See you then.” 

“Hey, Cat,” she grinned, kissing her temple. “Want to go have lunch with papi before you see Uncle Al?”

“Yes!” she squealed, and Rebecca texted Rodney she’d be dropping the bag by. Once they were both dressed, they walked the couple of blocks to pass off the bag before taking a cab to the coffee shop Rafael had sent her the location for. When they were in the door, she let go of Catalina’s hand and watched as she ran to Rafael who had spotted them as soon as they walked in. He had a cup of coffee in front of him, sliding it aside carefully as he settled her on his lap. It made her emotional to see them together. Since the reveal Mr. Barba was actually papi, he’d been in court, and it was nice to get to slip some time into their day. When she sat, she realized he’d gotten her an iced latte, and Rebecca mouthed a thank you. He shot her a smile as Catalina agreed to settle in the seat beside him. 

“How are my girls?” he asked, arm slung behind Catalina and a content smile on his face. 

“I think we had a good morning! We watched Moana and packed. Cat’s going to go play with Uncle Al and Uncle Rodney tonight.”

“Mija, that sounds like so much fun!” 

“It is, papi!”

“Tell Al and Rodney I say hi.”

“I will!” She saw who she now knew was Carisi come in with a blonde, and when he saw the three of them, he gave them both a nod and their space, telling the blonde to get a table on the sidewalk. Al met them at the diner, Catalina hugging and kissing each of her parents before she took his hand. Rebecca had already put on a pretty dress so that she wouldn’t have to go home, and Rafael’s nervous energy made her glad she wouldn’t be leaving him alone. 

“I’m fine,” he fibbed after she asked again. She fixed him with a look, and he held her gaze before letting his shoulders slump forward. “Carisi may win. And with what he offered me to make a deal at the start.”

“Oh no.” She reached across the table, hand resting on his wrist, and Rafael Barba suddenly regretted not being more open with her about anything. That light touch relaxed him, reminded him that while Mickey may end up in prison Rafael had done what he was able to do. Maybe things would have ended differently if he’d had it after cases before.

“Yeah. He’s going to be crushed. But, he admitted things he shouldn’t on the stand. Including a lack of regret.”

“So it’s hard to convince anyone its spur of the moment.”

“And you should have seen Carisi laying that out,” he said with a proud glint in his eye.

“You have to tell him you’re proud of him or I will.” He laughed, and Rebecca went to the courthouse with him to hear the verdict. Mickey was found guilty, just as Rafael expected, and she hugged him gently when he came out. The walk to the bar was comfortably silent as he kept her hand in his, and he smiled to see all of them, save Olivia, at the table.

“Who’s this?” Carisi asked, sending him a knowing smile. 

“Rebecca. But don’t play dumb,” Rafael said, ordering their usuals.

“Who’s Rebecca?” Amanda asked, and Rebecca chuckled, taking her drink.

“I’m his girlfriend, and he’s horrible at introductions.” Rafael’s mouth became a straight line, and she elbowed him playfully. “It’s nice to meet all of you.”

“I’m Amanda. Dominick, Cat, Fin. Liv isn’t here yet.”

“Thank you. I’m glad somebody’ll make introductions.”

“You just wanting to show her off?” Fin joked, and Rafael smiled over at her.

“Maybe. We actually have a sitter, so I’m taking her to dinner.”

“Smoothe, Rafael,” Sonny said plainly as the other three stared. “If I hadn’t been at Christmas Eve mass, I’d be speechless too.”

“You’ve seen the kid?” Amanda asked, and Rebecca was content to watch the chaos. Of course Rafael would drop the fact they have a daughter like that, no back story, no warning. It was very on brand; state the facts and move on. Only this time, he slipped his phone from his pocket and pulled up a picture, one from the other night. A bundled up Catalina was in his lap as they ate, and almost immediately, he swiped to a video of Catalina squealing in delight as he caught her at the end of the slide at the park. Make me fly! she’d giggled, and Rafael lifted her high and walked her to the ladder of the slide to repeat the process. 

“We love that park,” the blonde said, and Rebecca was relieved she’d broken the silence. Apparently no one had ever expected to see Rafael in a pullover and messy hair, much less running through a park with a toddler over his head. For all Rollins knew, she’d seen them there and not even recognized him. 

“Us too. It’s her favorite. Knows I’ll say no when it’s too cold, but papi’s a sucker.”

“She got her mother’s doe eyes when she wants something,” he said plainly, ordering another drink. Conversation moved to the case, and she leaned against the bar beside Rafael and watched them. He was content, and even though he was more serious with this group, she caught his gentle ribbing and could see his brow wasn’t as furrowed as it always was. When he’d shaved, he mentioned feeling older, but the way he carried himself now seemed so much younger and so much freer. 

“Well, I’m going to whisk Rebecca off. Take advantage of date night. Good job Carisi. You’ve turned out to be a damned good attorney. Tell Liv I’m sorry we missed her.” He helped Rebecca into her coat before putting on his own, hand resting on her lower back as he guided her out. 

“You do know you need to wait and tell her about Cat.”

“Fuck,” he muttered, looking at his phone. “She’s almost-”

“Rafa. You already leaving?” Rebecca knew this had to be Olivia, and she suddenly felt very nervous as she looked over to see the woman’s eyes on her.

“Liv,” he smiled softly. “I was worried we’d miss you.”

“This must be Rebecca.”

“I am. It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much.”

“He didn’t tell me you two were back together.”

“There’s a lot to it,” he said softly, pulling out his phone. “I cut her off when I left. She tried to tell me, but I found out when I showed up before Christmas Eve. Becs let me come to mass. I never left.”

“Tried to tell you what.” Rafael’s face was focused as he found the album of pictures and videos of Catalina so Rebecca looked at Olivia.

“I was pregnant when he left. Catalina is two and a half. And since Christmas Eve? A total daddy’s girl.” Rafael handed her his phone proudly, having started at the beginning of the album at the picture of him holding Catalina on his hip before mass. Olivia swiped through the pictures, and Rebecca could see her processing much like Al had needed to do. At least Al had known about Catalina.

It didn’t help that she knew no one else tended to see him in jeans, laughing and running and sappy. That was the Rafael that had been reserved for her. They’d seen the snark, the seriousness, the impeccable suits. Hell, how easily he’d transitioned to fatherhood had shocked Rebecca and she’d seen him hiking in upstate New York and jumping into a river in his boxers after she’d dove in. It took almost an hour of goading as she floated in the water to get Rafael Barba to skinny dip, no matter how isolated they were. 

“Wow. She looks just like you,” she said, her smile warm. “This is- a lot. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to finish the case. And we hadn’t told her yet. She figured it out when she saw me shaved. Becs had been telling her about me. Had a picture she showed her. I shaved and she asked why Mr. Barba looks like dad, and we told her.”

“You do know this means we all have to go to the park soon?”

“Deal. Amanda gave Becs her number to have a playdate with Jessie and Billie.”

“Carisi can bring his niece. It’ll be a party,” Rebecca teased. “Doesn’t Fin have a grandkid?”

“We have a sitter,” he said, sudden nerves taking over at the idea of bringing the squad and all of their children around. Mami had to meet Catalina first. They’d deal with that when it wasn’t date night. He filed it under For tomorrow. “So we’re going to take advantage of that. It’s good to see you. We’ll have dinner soon, okay?”

“Have a good night, Rafa. It’s nice to meet you, Rebecca.”

Rebecca waved as Olivia ducked into the bar, leaning into Rafael. He kissed the top of her head, arm wrapped around her. Something about his limited circle that remained in New York knowing relaxed him, even if he was nervous at the prospect of meeting all of them at a park. He had friends in Iowa, and the ones he talked to on the phone found out quickly. It was harder here because if something happened, he was afraid having Olivia know would make it worse. Now that she did know, however, he realized it may have been a fear he couldn’t run once he told her. Rafael Barba had been an idiot, and if it weren’t for the Householder case sending him away, Olivia was close to going to find Rebecca herself. He’d been far too mean after, and well aware it was his fuck up. But now, he felt nothing but pride to have shared the news, and he was becoming acutely aware he seemed to be crushing his desire to run much more easily than he’d crushed his ability to share all those years ago. 

“What’s going on in there?” she asked as they walked, tapping his temple.

“I’m happy. People knowing feel more solid. I’m not going anywhere, but now I get to tell everybody about her whenever. Have people ask.”

“You get to be Rafael Barba, sappy family man?”

“Yeah,” he said, and the crookedness of his smile and softness of his eyes made her heart flutter. “Everything’s different for me now. And I’ve told people, so they know it’s different. You did enough to change me. Knowing there’s a little girl that calls me papi and wants to be around me? Nothing is ever going to be the same. You changed my world, but now there’s a part of me in her, and no matter what, that part of me is separate and autonomous, and that’s magnificent to know.”

“I love you,” she said plainly, arms wrapping around him as they stopped. There were no other words she could think of, and her eyes were tearing up as she looked up at him. It warmed her heart to see his were too. 

“I love you too, Becs.” And with that, she was stretching up to kiss him slowly, hands cupping the back of his neck. He pulled her close, enjoying the time together where he didn’t need to worry about Catalina needing them or walking in and letting out a whine of gross. Parenthood’s only fall back he found was not being able to be affectionate with Rebecca the same way. He supposed it was better sometimes; he certainly had a tendency to try to distract her from whatever he didn’t want to talk about with a searing kiss before shedding clothes. But the part that he didn’t like losing was making out lazily on the couch, having sex without worrying they might get caught, and being affectionate without the risk of jealous little hands tugging at pants legs because Catalina didn’t like not having her parents’ attention. She was smiling up at him when they pulled apart, and when they were led to their booth, he slid into the same side as her, unwilling to give up the closeness. 

“Someone didn’t go to sleep,” Al teased the next morning, handing Rafael Catalina’s bag once the little girl had run inside. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rafael said, but his smile gave him away easily. “Rebecca’s getting some rest, or she’d be saying hi.”

“Keep being good to her Rafael. You might just make me like you. You’re making her very happy.”

“Does that mean you don’t hate me anymore?”

“It means I don’t hate you anymore.”

[whisperoftheheart925]

Ooooh, for the character ask how about carter kane, pollux from pjo and uhhhh sam winchester? <3

Omg what great character choices!!!! 

1) Starting with Sam Winchester

Sexuality Headcanon: So obviously this man likes girls quite a lot, but I just get the vibes that he experimented with guys in college and is so chill with it he barely even thinks about it anymore, so either bi or bicurious

Gender Headcanon: I have the tendency to assume he’s cis but I could see Sam as a trans guy too

A ship I have with said character: I never moved on from shipping season 5 samifer, the whole made for each other thing, the whole two sides of the same coin, the whole I’m the only one who’ll ever truly understand you, that’s what still draws me to that ship (soulmates but make it angsty and painful)

A BROTP I have with said character: I mean would it even be supernatural if I didn’t mention his relationship with Dean? But that seems like a cop out cause they’re actual brothers so I’m gonna say Castiel or Rowena. Castiel because they’re both people who want faith in their lives, and who have a lot of respect for the people they love. And watching them overcome the initial tensions that came from Sam being the boy with the demon blood was really sweet. The sort of friendship and bond that comes from being close to the same person. Rowena because in later seasons Sam doesn’t get too much development and I think their friendship is one of the better things that happened to his character

A NOTP I have with said character: I doubt its controversial to say I don’t ship wincest? That would probably be my only true notp, but also since I wanna be spicy, I don’t really see him with Gabriel? They’re sweet in aus but I don’t see Sam going for Gabriel’s flirtations, he seems a lot more intense and serious in romances (with jess and ruby for example)

A random headcanon: This one is tricky cause I read so much fic I don’t know what’s canon and what’s headcanon anymore. I think in the age of spotify he listens to it a lot to make up for the years when Dean would only play classic rock before he softened up

General Opinion over said character: Sam is someone I have a lot of strong feelings for, he fits into that niche of characters that I both relate to in terms of struggles as well as look up to for how he deals with them. I like the struggle against darkness within him, and his worth, and whether he’s a monster or not due to what happened to him, I do feel like his character was wasted a bit towards the end of the show though

2) Pollux our favorite lil Dionysus kid 

Sexuality Headcanon: I feel like Dionysus kids are often pan and I headcanon Pollux as poly too

Gender Headcanon: Cis

A ship I have with said character: Ooooh I've never though of this let me dig up canon characters roughly his age. I can see him crushing on Michael Yew and Katie Gardner, quick witted and bossy but good people.

A BROTP I have with said character: Charles Beckendorf. I think Pollux would respect Beckendorf’s hard working attitude and kind heart, and I think Pollux would find his awkwardness around people endearing since he’s a bit awkward himself and they’d probably be those friends that can like work on their hobbies around each other.

A NOTP I have with said character: Never in a million years with Clarisse, the poor boy would get trampled on and I think she’d be mean (I’m sorry Clarisse I love you I promise)

A random headcanon: He’s awkward and shy, and a little sheltered but he’s very sweet. After his brother died he had a hard time opening up to people, and became very private, but he’s a good teacher and is very dedicated to helping his dad with the strawberry fields.

General Opinion over said character: He’s such a cool character, I really love him in the original pjo series because he’s very very much a background character but he makes the world richer. I love that through him Mr D. gets to show a softer and more caring side and one that is fiercely loyal and protective, and I think that was an important part of the message of pjo, how the gods are shitty parents but most of them do care in their own way even though they never show it, and I’m glad Pollux was able to do that. I think he deserved better (aka for his twin brother not to die kay thanks) and I would have loved to see more of him in the rest of the series.

3) Finally our lovely Carter Kane

Sexuality Headcanon: Straight, demi-romantic and utterly clueless

Gender Headcanon: Cis

A ship I have with said character: Zarter! If it isn’t broke don’t fix it. This boy is head over heals for a strong confident and sassy woman who could kill him and really, who wouldn’t be? I love the thought of them bonding over their unconventional childhoods and their longing to discover things they think are “normal” but that they missed out on. I also think they would fall into the kind of relationship where they’re best friends, they have full and utter trust in each other, and they also discover how to navigate romance together

A BROTP I have with said character: Once again picking Sadie feels like a cop out. I really like his relationship with Amos too, but he’s Carter’s uncle so not sure it fits. I like to think of his relationship with Walt as being very close and like, the kind of brotherly trust that would make them close friends and have each other’s backs all the time

A NOTP I have with said character: Not sure I have one since any ship involving him makes me happy just because it has him in it and he deserves love. However I have seen a lot of fics with him and Horus, and I actually don’t think I like it all that much? Maybe cause Horus is often a bit immature with his emotions I don’t know how well their chemistry would work. This is out of character for me cause usually I really love the concept of host/supernatural entity ships, but maybe it’s also cause Carter is so young in the first book and Horus seems way too old for him? Maybe when Carter is in his 30s?

A random headcanon: I think he would come into his responsibilities very quickly. I think while he would accept Amos as being mostly in charge for a while he would try to be involved with changing how the House of Life is run as Pharaoh, because he’d see it as his responsibility and he’d do everything in his power to do it right, and prove to those that doubt him that he has what it takes.

General Opinion over said character: He’s my favorite character in the Kane Chronicles and probably in the whole Riordan verse. He means a lot to me because I also had to fly around a lot when I was a kid and I moved around a lot too, so when I read these books I could relate a lot to the idea of feeling like the airport is your home. I also grew up with a single parent of the same gender as me wishing I had known members of my very near family better than I did. Also I knew what it felt like to want to go out and play with kids my age but to not be able to because I couldn’t speak the language, and I felt really close to Carter because I see my own childhood represented in him. He’s also very rule abiding and I loved that his dad told him not to do something and he actually followed that, because same haha. I can only hope to one day become as strong and confident as him.

This took waaay longer than expected and I wrote way too much, but it was so fun, thank you @bluecookiesforrick once again for these! <3 love you!!!

[blackbabybird]

Forgiven - Chapter 4 - An Event 

warnings: self hating bruce mostly and bad words. this is a long ass chapter, #sorrynotsorry kind of got carried away. however, we learn new things more and more everyday ;) also i think isley’s job fits her and bruce v v v well. enjoy:)

I get those goosebumps every time, yeah, you come around, yeah You ease my mind, you make everything feel fine

~ Goosebumps by Travis Scott

I parked my car in front of Cork County Middle School. The school itself was a large brick building in the middle of a corn field. It used to be an insane asylum. I grab my bag and get out of my car to head toward the doors of the school. Once I get up there, I pull on the door. It’s locked. I look at the wall near the doors, they have an extremely fancy security system. I buzz the door. 

“Hi there! What can we do for you?” a happy voice rings through the intercom.

“Uh, my name is Isley Thomas. I have an appointment with Headmaster-,” I look down at my phone, “Guille.”

“Give me one second, dear. I’ll get those doors open for you,” her sickly sweet voice came through again. 

A second later the massive doors swing open. I’m greeted by two men in riot gear. “Any weapons must be surrendered before entry into property. This includes, but is it not limited to guns, tazers, pens, and ninja-stars.” speaks the large guards. 

“Pens?” I ask. 

The other guard nods curtly. I shake my head and grab all my pens out of my bag. They take them and put them tightly in between their bullet proof vests. “Follow us.”

What the hell is this place? I walk silently in between the two. We arrive at large double doors with a Medusa head engraved into the doors. The two walk around me and open the doors synchronously. I walk through them towards what looks like the office. That same god-awful sweet voice rings through the hallways, “You must be Ms. Thomas! You’re shorter than I expected. Hm, anyways, follow me.” 

So I do. “I never caught your name, Ms...?” 

“You needn’t worry about me, sugar. Names get in the way. I’m simply the next vessel for Headmaster Guille. Oh, we’re here! Knock twice then let yourself in, alrighty?”

I nod quickly and do as she said. The room I walk into is white and pristine. Nothing, and I mean nothing is out of place. There’s just a desk and two chairs in the room. No computer or even a cup of coffee, weird. “Please, sit Ms. Thomas.” says a voice from my left. 

I sit down in on the chair across from the desk. Slow, loud clacking walks pass me. A woman sits in front of me. She has on black classic pumps, a pencil skirt and a white blouse. I finally make my eyes to hers and that’s when everything starts clicking into place. Her eyes are gouged out in an attempt to recreate Oedipus. “I am headmaster Guille, Ms. Thomas.”

“Thank you for agreeing to meet me Headmaster. I know you have plenty of other more pressing things to do.”

She turns her head, “Why, my dear, nothing is more important than finding one of my sweet, obedient students.” I nod in agreeance despite my weird feeling towards her and this place. “Why don’t you tell me more about yourself?”

“Well, I’m the owner of IT Investigative Services. We do freelance investigative work and are outsourced for police work occasionally.” I explain. 

“And your business here, is it freelance?” 

I feel my heart dip in a weird way, “No ma’am. The Cork County Police Department needed help and they outsourced me and my company to help with a missing persons case.” It wasn’t necessarily a lie. 

“I see.” she says. Her non-existent eyes felts like they were boring into my soul and making a home. “Well, I will say that we told the police everything, not sure what else I could say.”

“Anything helps. Especially when it comes to a missing child,” I say. 

“Ask away,” she says splaying her hands outward. 

I start asking the basic questions. Just small things I could compare to the recordings that I borrowed from the Cork County Police. Everything was going relatively fine until I seemed to strike a nerve. “So, I noticed that Amos actually lived in Andan County. That’s a 3 hour drive to Cork County. Why was Amos going to school here?”

She opened her mouth a few times with replies, but she eventually settled on, “Amos was a special boy. As are most of the students that attend here. However, he needed correcting. As do all of the students here,” she gives a tightlipped smile.

Now we’re getting somewhere. “Why did he need correcting? Did he do something bad?” I ask simply. 

“As with most 13 year olds, he was ill-mannered and bad tempered. He had to be corrected,” she repeats.

“Fair enough,” I nod. Time to go for the kill.“Yet, there is one more thing I’m confused with. Amos was an orphan. One that lived 3 hours away from this county, so who told you he was being a nuisance?” 

If this woman had eyes, I know she’d have a look that could kill. Her eye sockets bend slightly. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave, Ms. Thomas. We have an assembly soon that I must attend.” 

“Of course, Headmaster.” I say as I start packing up my stuff. I walk to the door, feeling her cavernous holes in my back. I go to pull the door open, but then I stop. “One last question,” I say. She looks up at me, “Who reported him missing?”

Bingo. Question answered.

The smile she gave was cruel and mouthy, “Some questions needn’t be answered. Have a good day, Isley.”

I walk out the door and head back to my car. 

/// 

When I arrived back at my car after successfully getting my pens back, I scrutinized the building. Being in there fucked with my mental state. Something was off about the place and I wanted to know more. My phone starts buzzing. It’s Phoebe so I click answer.

“You bitch! I can’t believe you,” Phoebe’s voice screeches through my receiver. 

“That’s one way to talk to your boss,” I deadpan.

“Boss or not, you’re literally the worst person I know.”

I scrunch my nose at her insult, “Let’s say hypothetically that is true, what exactly did I do to deserve such a title?” 

“Beside be a size 10 in shoes when I’m an 8?” I roll my eyes, “You also never mentioned that THE Bruce fucking Wayne of Wayne Corporation invited us to a fundraiser in Gotham City.” 

I sit there listening to her, “How’d you know about that?”

“I was going through your emails and there’s an invite. Also, pause, you knew?” she huffs.

I shrug even though she can’t see me, “It’s just a Wayne Event. It’s not a big deal. I didn’t even know it was a fundraiser.”

“Yeah, he’s going to try and get the Gotham socialites and old heads to give money for a-,” she stops talking and there’s some slight shuffling in the backgorund, “Ah! A metahuman trafficking recovery center. It would be an extension of Arkham Asylum.”

I feel my heartbeat get 10 times louder, “Pheebs, I need to call you later. I’m still here at Cork County Middle and I need to finish some paper work before I drive back tonight.”

I don’t wait for her to say goodbye before I hang up. I start dialing Bruce’s number. 

///

One. Two. One. Two. Jab. Hook, hook.

“God fucking damnit,” Jason exclaims. 

“The fight not going well?” I ask.

“Bruce. Manny Herechio has to win tonight.” Jason starts.

“Has?” I interject. 

He rambles over me, “HAS. I have so much money on this fight. Like, my future children’s money kind of money!”

I shoot him an amused look from my book. “I’m sure he’ll pull it out. Underdogs have a weird way of doing that.”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD. HE DID IT! HE FUCKING DID IT MAN,” Jason shakes me. 

I smile at him, happy that he’s happy, but then the scene changes. I’m now Batman and I’m holding Jason. He’s barely breathing and there’s so much blood. “You did this. You did this to me.” He breathes out angrily. 

“Jay, what? No, I didn’t! What do you mean?” I explain.

“You, the fucking Batman of all people, should have saved me. I’m dead because of you!” He’s now yelling at me. 

I feel the panic flutter throughout me. I should’ve saved him. It should’ve been me. 

The clatter of my phone hitting the floor shakes me out of my daydream hard. Less of a dream, more like a nightmare. The phone goes off again and I grab it from the floor. Isley Thomas flashes across the screen. I press accept. 

“Isley? Hello?” 

“Have you lost your goddamn mind?!” she seethes through the phone. 

I pull it away from me. “I can’t catch a fucking break today,” I grunt out. I put the phone back near my ear, “It’s possible I have, but depends on what this reason is,” I joke. 

“This event, party you’re throwing is for the business proposal that was between us privately. What the hell, Bruce?” 

I can tell she’s upset at what I tried to make a surprise. “It was supposed to be a surprise.” 

“A fucking surprise? For why?” she all but yells into the receiver. 

“I presented it to the board,” I didn’t. “And they didn’t like the idea of Wayne Enterprises being the face of metahuman trafficking support centers,” I explain. “Having a fundraiser will show that people, specifically people with money, are interested in defeating the metahuman trafficking.”

I can hear her breathing. “You could’ve just told me that the board rejected it,” she pauses, “I would’ve dealt with it.”

She’s not incorrect. However, I needed a win for today, “You told me that this was Staya’s dream. I just wanted to do everything I could to try and make it come true.”

She doesn’t reply anything. For a second there I think that she’s just hung up on me. “Okay. Next time, let me know ahead of time, please, Bruce,” is all she says. Then she adds, “I have to work. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

I hear the click of call ending and put the phone down. I bury my face in my hands. I walk to my door and walk to Sonya’s desk. She looks at me with a smile, “Mr. Wayne! What can I do for you?”

“Sonya, I’ll be unavailable for the rest of the day. See that the fundraiser details get figured out. I want to no hiccups, understood?” She nods, typing furiously. I continue, “Perfect. Thank you.”

I walk to the elevator and press floor one. I lay against wall in sheer exhaustion. Between my guilt from Jason and my repressed feelings about Isley, I needed to punch something. 

/// 

I took another sip of my coffee and continued typing on my computer. I was trying to find information about Cork County. “With the way you’re hunch over your computer, we’ll have to get massages before heading to Gotham,” Phoebe said pointedly. 

I roll my eyes, “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Fair enough. Enough investigating today boss lady. If we want to make it to Gotham in a decent hour and avoid traffic, we need to go,” Phoebe insists as she shuts my computer. 

“I made us a reservation at some fancy hotel. It offered nails too, what a deal. And, ooh, our dresses were delivered!”

“I thought we were going dress shopping today?” I say scrunching my nose at the implication of Phoebe picking out a dress for me. 

“Oh no you don’t. We were yesterday at 4, but someone,” she squints at me, “was a bit forgetful.”

I inhale, “Okay, that’s my bad. I’m sorry, this case just keeps making new turns every second. I feel like I’m drowning.”

“Well, tonight, no missing children to worry about.” 

I nod and smile at her. If only it was that easy. 

///

“Master Bruce, people will be arriving in less than 30 minutes, what on Earth are you doing?” I heard Alfred call for me while I was in the Batcave. 

I kicked the bag again. Focus. I kick again. 

“Master Bruce?” I hear Alfred again. I shake my head. Focus, Bruce. I kick the bag again. The chain breaks and bag flies across the room. 

“That is the 8th bag you’ve broken this week, Master Bruce.”

I exhale deeply. “It’s unimportant.”

“Perhaps to the ghosts of this cave, but not you. Never mind all that. You must shower and get dressed immediately,” Alfred says pushing me quickly towards the stairs.

“Can I at least take the elevator if speed is what we’re going for?” I grumble. 

“That privilege was lost once you made me trundle down those godforsaken steps and come get you!” I trudge up the stairs his insistent demands. 

When we arrive at the top, “Mr. Maurice, sorry to keep you waiting, Master Bruce is insolent when it comes to other’s time and efforts,”

I shoot Alfred a dirty look at his insults. He simply flicks his hand and I’m being taken by the tailor. Who starts showing me different fabrics and colors for tonight’s event. “What do you feel tonight Mr. Wayne? Navy or Black? I have grey also, but it has not been a fan favorite for the year.” Maurice explains quickly. 

I look at the colors. The black always speaks to me, but tonight was different. Because Isley will be there. I ignore my thoughts, “Let’s take a walk on the wild side, shall we?” 

“My thoughts exactly, Mr. Wayne!” 

I go to hop into the shower and prepare myself for tonight. 

///

I can hear the people downstairs. Drinks are flowing and soon enough the cash will be too. I hear my door open. “Only man I’ve ever known to be fashionably late at his own home.” It’s Dick. “Also, I don’t know what the fuck those little sausage balls are made with, but they are delicious. Woah-”

I turn and look at him, his mouth is wide open with the same bits sausage hanging in his mouth, “What? Also, please close your mouth.”

“This suit...who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” Dick jokes.

I just grunt and turn back around fixing my tie. I hear Dick’s laughter stop, “Okay, I’m sorry, here let me help with your tie. It’s more crooked than Cobblepot’s teeth.”

He fixes my tie and I can’t help but think about Jason. Dick searches my face, “You been thinking about him?”

I turn back to look in the mirror to inspect the knot he made. It answers his question. I know he wants to say something, he just doesn’t know what. No one ever does. “Master Bruce, Mr. Grayson.” Alfred’s voice turns us both around. “Almost all the guest are here. It is time to make an appearance.”

“Well, thank god I didn’t throw the party. I’m gonna find some pretty ladies and some more of the sausage balls.” Dick chippers happily and leaves this room. 

Alfred turns to do the same, but not before saying, “Mr. Todd is a great man. Just because you’re choosing to move on, doesn’t mean you’re forgetting him.”

“Don’t you mean was?” I ask.

“No. I meant is. What’s that saying you always tell the board members when you’re not present? Oh, yes, physicality is not the only way to be present.” With that Alfred mules out of the room.

I follow after him. I make it down the stairs, “Man of the hour. Mr. Bruce Wayne.” I hear some rich old guy yell at me. He grabs my hand and shakes it furiously. 

I do this for about an hour before I clink my glass and everyone quiets down. “I want to thank you all for being here,” I start, “Tonight was a bit last minute, but I am so glad to have the ability to host such things that bring us together. Tonight is about us expanding Arkham Asylum to host those affected by metahuman trafficking. Donations, as always, are tax deductable and can be written to the Wayne Corporation. Again, we are going to make a difference.” I raise my glass and every one claps. “But please, keep enjoying the booze, gives me an excuse to buy more!” I add with laughter. 

I make my way through the crowd towards one of the balconies. There’s just a woman out there. “What a speech,” she says as she comes out the shadows. 

It’s Isley, but she looked...beautiful didn’t even begin to describe it. Her hair is  straight rather than its usually curls. She has on a silk baby blue dress that ends at her mid thigh. Her dark eyes are blown wide with the chill air and small goosebumps litter her dark brown skin. “Isley,” I breathe out, “Thought you bailed on me.”

She turns her head like a curious cat, “Me? A flake? Never.” she says with fake ingenuity. “Although, I was very late. Phoebe loves to take her time with me.”

My eyes scan her face, “Well, she did an amazing job.” I compliment.

A smile grows on her face, “Why thank you, Mr. Wayne. You clean up nicely yourself. A navy blue suit? How daring.”

“Dick already made fun of me for it, I thought it was time to step out a bit.” 

She steps close enough to grab one of the lapels. “Dick? Also, it reminds me of prom. Senior year,” she whispers. 

I grab her wrists, we’re extremely close now. “Well, look who I found hiding in the shado- oh?” 

It’s Dick, again. I breathe out slowly, “Dick, meet an old friend. Isley Thomas.”

[johannas-motivational-insults]

I for one was seething while Ms assh... Weaver basically confirmed to her designed punching bag that she keeps her around because she's a decent emotional support for Adora, so... wanna go even deeper and stab the reader s'more?

Oh I love stabbing the reader. And I love this scene so I’ll do the whole fuckin’ thing. (Commentary is bolded.)

This scene really is heartbreaking. It was easy for me to write, though, because Catra and (Shadow) Weaver have a very particular dynamic that I vibe with. It's such a pivotal scene for Catra too, because it confirms her fears that her success would be met with pushback and that Weaver really doesn’t love her or care about her at all. It makes her feel dehumanized both in the sense of being treated as subhuman and being treated as a tool. Something to be kept around only so long as it’s useful, discarded the second it’s not. This is the moment when she learns for certain just how little she means to Weaver and it’s painful to read.

*Content Warning for abuse*

The sound of keys in the front door makes Catra frown in confusion as she unloads the last of her books. No one is ever home this early. Even when Weaver doesn’t have any sponsored clubs or other teacher bullshit to deal with, 3:15 is the earliest she ever gets home.

But Catra’s always had sensitive ears, and those are definitely Ms. Weaver’s footsteps crossing the floor. When the woman pokes her head into the kitchen, no doubt to investigate the smell, Catra gives her a jerky nod. “Went to work after all?”

“No, I had some errands to run,” Weaver replies flatly. “Lying around all day like a lazy sack of meat doesn’t come naturally to me.”

Me @ Weaver:

Bitch she’s baking cookies, she’s clearly not lying around all day. Why you gotta be like that?

“Yeah, me neither,” mutters Catra, deflecting the obvious implication.

“I have something for you,” says Weaver, and Catra can’t help but look up in surprise. Weaver tosses her something and she instinctively moves to catch it. Just before it hits her hands, she realizes what it is and her stomach drops. Fingering the rough edges of the rolled up newspaper, she tries to breathe steadily as she forces her eyes up to meet Weaver’s. (Oh gotta love that trauma response.) The woman looks more unimpressed than predatory right now, but Catra knows better than anyone how that can change at the drop of a hat.

“Looks like your little ploy paid off,” she remarks.

Sighing, Catra sets the paper down on the table. “I told you, it wasn’t a ploy. Just a play.”

“I see. And I suppose the fact that this article was written by a close friend of yours is a complete coincidence.”

LOL clearly Weaver knows nothing about Entrapta if she thinks she could be bribed into writing something she doesn’t believe.

“I had nothing to do with that,” Catra denies swiftly. When Weaver’s expression doesn’t change, she insists, “Really, I swear.”

Weaver’s head tips the slightest bit, that familiar predatory tinge seeping into her eyes and voice. “And why should I believe you?”

Catra huffs, arms crossing defensively over her chest. “Why would I do something I know would get me in trouble?”

“I don’t know, Catra, you tell me,” says Weaver, slowly closing the gap between them. “It’s not as though you’ve been doing that your entire life.”

Me @ Weaver:

Like okay, it’s kinda true. But still.

Tensing more with every step Weaver takes, Catra raises her hands innocently, trying and failing not to shift her weight to her back foot. Not to give ground or show her fear. (This is making me super uncomfortable so I’m probably just gonna keep memeing at you all. Yes, I am aware that this is my fault. No, I am not sorry.) “Look, Entrapta has really strong opinions, and they’re always backed up with facts. I couldn’t just plant the idea in her head to write something like this.”

“Facts, you say?” muses Weaver. She reaches past Catra in a very deliberate show of invading her space, and Catra can’t help but suck a quick breath in through her teeth. But Weaver doesn’t touch her. All she does is pick up the paper and turn it over in her hands as though she is deep in thought. Then the motion stops, her eyes snapping up sharply. “So you agree with her.”

Weaver @ Catra:

“That’s not what I said,” protests Catra, her exasperation showing through her tenuous attempts at staying calm. “Stats are facts, not who deserves what awards or whatever. It’s not like I even care about that.”

Weaver shakes her head, her chuckle positively dripping with condescension. “Oh, now I know you’re lying.”

She is. She really is. And the fact that Weaver knows how much Catra cares and wants praise and approval and still denies her that makes me want to slap a bitch.

Also I just realized how closely this scene parallels the one in 1x04 and that actually wasn’t intentional but I’ll take it, clearly I’ve got the spirit of their relationship down.

“No, I-”

The newspaper smacks Catra across the cheek and she yelps in shock and pain, hand flying to her mouth.

It shouldn’t be a shock, not after 14 years of this shit. It still is, every time.

Ugh, ow.

“Enough of your lip,” hisses Weaver. “You know better than to contradict me.”

Hate is not a strong enough word for how I feel about this woman. Unfortunately there are too many people just like her. I’ve noticed the audience particularly hates this incarnation of Shadow Weaver and I think it’s because when she’s stripped of her magic the tactics she’s left with are far too familiar. I feel the same way.

Catra’s tongue swipes along her stinging lip, checking for blood. It comes back clean, but the lack of physical damage does nothing to calm the quiet rage boiling up inside of her. Weaver has never treated her with an ounce of respect, and now she has the gall to hit her with a rolled up newspaper like she’s a fucking animal. Subhuman. (I mean this feeling comes straight out of Demons but with Catra being human in this au it’s... not worse, definitely not, but it hits differently.) Catra’s fists clench and her chest puffs out as she straightens up to her full height (even if it’s nothing on Weaver).

“Do not touch me,” growls Catra, her voice low and dangerous in a way few people have ever heard it. “I’m an adult, that’s officially illegal now.”

Oh, you sweet summer child.

“Oh, you want to talk about the law?” counters Weaver, sounding far too calm in comparison. It just makes Catra angrier. And maybe a little scared. Somehow Weaver always makes her feel out of control, which never ceases to remind her who is in control. (Oof.) “I am under no obligation to let you live here, Catra, let alone at a significant discount. I do that out of the kindness of my heart. (LOL the what now?) Would you rather I throw you out in the streets like the stray you are?”

Yay for another insinuation that Catra is an animal. Nice going, Weaver.

Also, that is one of the meanest fucking lines I’ve ever written for Shadow Weaver and that’s saying something.

Those words hit Catra right in the gut, a blow far more painful than any physical one. They trigger a flood of other words that always seem to find her, stick to her no matter how she tries to slough them off, prove them wrong. Stray, nuisance, brat, worthless, unwanted, unloved...

But she was loved once. She was.

Oh boy, get ready for PAIN. So I wasn’t orginally planning to write this flashback but then I got a Very Bad Idea and I love torturing my readers (and myself) so this happened.

Kneeling in front of the open door, Papi opened his arms for a goodbye hug. When Catra stepped into them, she felt his smile against the side of her head. “Te amo, mija.”

“Yo también te amo, Papi,” said Catra, tiny arms tightening around his neck with a proud grin. He hadn’t taught her that one, she’d pieced it together on her own.

Papi chuckled in surprise and approval, ruffling her wild hair. “You’re a genius, little one. You know that?”

“Yep!” she answered, beaming with the completely earnest confidence only a precocious three year-old can muster.

Baby Catra’s behavior may be slightly inspired by my highly intelligent four year-old niece, who is also biracial with a multilingual father.

A couple playful taps of the horn from the driveway interrupted them, making Papi chuckle once again. Pulling away enough to look Catra in the eye, he winked conspiratorially. “Better not keep Mommy waiting. You know how she is.”

Catra shook her head soberly in agreement. Mommy was notoriously impatient, a speed demon on the road. Catra loved driving with her, laughing like a maniac from the backseat whenever she’d swerve and cuss out the idiots in her way. Those cackles never failed to make Mommy shoot Catra a smile in the rearview mirror, her transitory rage melting away in an instant at the sound. Still, it was never good being on the receiving end of that impatience.

(Catra’s mother is not at all inspired by my sister, however. She drives like a fucking granny.)

Papi quickly pecked Catra on the cheek before standing and waving goodbye, giving an appreciative nod to the babysitter as he pulled the door shut behind him.

He didn’t close it loudly or anything, but no sound is louder in Catra’s nightmares. She never saw either of them again.

“Answer me, Catra,” Ms. Weaver demands sternly.

That was what she had. And this is where she ended up.

Yeah, no wonder this version of Catra just assumes anything good in her life will be taken away. In some ways it might be worse than being Adora starting with nothing, because not only does Adora not remember what she lost in infancy (which wasn’t great to begin with), she has been steadily moving up in the world since. Catra’s had the opposite trajectory.

Suddenly noticing the tears rolling down her cheeks, Catra swipes them away with the back of her hand. Her throat hurts too much to swallow, so she doesn’t even bother trying to settle her voice. Her weakness is already on full display, anyway. Shaking her head, she whispers hoarsely, “No, Ms. Weaver.”

“Good,” Weaver says with finality as Catra sniffles, blinking back more tears. “You still live under my roof, and you will abide by my rules or face the consequences, just like anyone else.”

Oh boy, that’s a little too close for comfort. Again with this version of SW feeling especially despicable to the audience because it’s so familiar.

Just like anyone else. Sure.

Yeah you’re right Catra, go off.

As Weaver starts toward her room, Catra half-heartedly tosses a hand with an empty, resigned sigh. “What rules did I break this time?”

Weaver turns back, her expression dangerous, but Catra can’t muster the enthusiasm for fear anymore. Her eyes are still burning, voice tight with emotion as she confesses, “I’ve tried, Ms. Weaver. I-” Her voice cracks and she shakes her head, pinching her brow in shame. “I never wanted you to hate me.”

brb crying in the club

K but honestly the helplessness here is just heartbreaking. And it’s just like in canon. We saw, Catra did try to be a good soldier and make Shadow Weaver like her, but it was a lost cause. I mean I didn’t pull this dialogue directly from 2x06 but it’s a similar flavor for sure.

When Catra dares to look back up she finds that Weaver’s expression has softened slightly, though she still looks annoyed. “I never said I hate you,” she says, the uncharacteristic gentleness catching Catra off guard. “You’re just more trouble than you’re worth most of the time.”

It shouldn’t be a comfort. But it is, anyway. It is. Catra sniffles again, dipping her head to wipe her eyes on her shoulders.

The fact that this is a comforting answer to Catra is so fucked up and tragic but so befitting of their relationship.

“Though I will admit, you do have a way with Adora,” concedes Weaver, her tone very nearly impressed. “Not everyone can handle someone like that and keep them on task. I’ve had plenty come through my classroom.”

Wow, so we’re just being casually ableist now? Nice.

My thoughts exactly, Catra.

...Ableist and pragmatic.

Catra snorts under her breath, shaking her head as her eyes fall to the floor. How did she never put this together before? “That’s why you’re letting me stay.”

This truly is a gut punch moment. She thought maybe Weaver actually had a bit of affection for her or was invested in her future after all (which tracks for Catra because she is mean to the people she likes) and that’s why she let her stay, but no. As usual, it’s all about Adora. That is not going to bode well for the resentment moving forward.

“She does badly with her routine being disrupted, and she’s come to rely on you,” states Weaver, tipping her head in acknowledgement.

“Plus she’d hate you if you kicked me out,” Catra adds pointedly.

Weaver smiles, all teeth. “It is better for everyone this way, wouldn’t you say?”

Better for you, you mean.

“Sure,” mutters Catra. When that response earns her a look, she corrects herself. “Yes, Ms. Weaver.”

Eyes narrowed into slits, Weaver warns her, “Make no mistake, Catra. Adora would manage if you left us. If your behavioral issues begin to outweigh your usefulness, I reserve the right to evict you.” She cocks an expectant eyebrow. “Am I understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” mumbles Catra.

Poor Catra, I just...

“I care very much about Adora, and I won’t have you dragging her down with you.”

“I remember,” Catra says numbly, picking at her nails and avoiding Weaver’s gaze.

Ooooooooooof. Why do I insist on hurting myself so much with all these canon parallels?

Studying her intently for a moment, Weaver concludes, “Yes, I’m sure you do.” Then she turns and leaves without another word.

Well that was lovely. Anybody else want to reach through the screen and throttle a bitch? ‘Cause I sure do.

This scene doesn’t cause an immediate reaction on Catra’s part but it definitely moves her to a place where she’s very aware of her role and how useless it is to try to change it (at least in this house), and that makes everything a little more volatile. She’s not at a breaking point yet but she’s getting closer, it certainly takes the wind out of her sails a bit. She will recover in the short term because she is Catra and her stubbornness makes her very resilient, but it weighs her down and eventually she is going to snap. Y’all will love that, I’m sure. ;)

[estamos-destinadas]

Snapshots

Here are 6 short fics based on items from this post.

I decided to write this for @randomregularmd, who’s a doctor, as a way to thank her for her service. 🙇‍♀️

(There’s more under the cut.)

. . .

37. Tender Kiss

Valentina glances up from her magazine to look at Juliana, whose eyes are focused on her laptop’s screen, her brows furrowing adorably.

It’s a typical weeknight for them. They’re sitting on the couch in one of the Carvajal mansion’s living rooms, both doing their respective homework. Juliana is leaning against the couch’s arm, her legs stretched out over Valentina’s lap.

Valentina, who will be graduating from university in a couple of months, has been going through one of her assigned readings. Juliana is browsing the internet, looking for ideas for one of her class projects, which requires her to design a full ensemble based on the works of female artists. Juliana has been spouting off facts about the likes of Frida Kahlo, María Izquierdo, and Leonora Carrington at random times for the past few days. Valentina thinks it’s the most adorkable thing.

Juliana looks up just then, meeting Valentina’s gaze. “Qué?” she asks, giving a lopsided smile.

“Qué de qué?” Valentina returns, smirking.

Juliana starts chuckling at the familiar rejoinder.

Valentina is overcome with a wave of affection. She leans forward, caressing Juliana’s face before capturing her lips in a leisurely kiss. She can feel Juliana’s smile against her mouth, so sweet she can almost taste it. When Valentina pulls back, Juliana is still smiling.

“What was that for?” Juliana asks, her voice as soft as the look in her eyes.

“Nothing,” Valentina says, shrugging slightly. “Es que te amo.”

If possible, Juliana’s expression gentles even further. “Te amo también, Val.”

⁂

47. True Love’s Kiss

Juliana approaches Valentina’s sleeping form as she buttons up her white shirt.

They’re in Valentina’s bedroom, Juliana having spent the night there. She has just taken a shower and is now getting dressed for school. Valentina, who only has afternoon classes that day, is having a well-deserved lie-in.

Not wanting to disturb her girlfriend’s slumber, Juliana bends down slowly to give Valentina a light kiss, but it quickly becomes clear that Valentina isn’t asleep as she reciprocates with little delay.

When she pulls back, Juliana giggles at Valentina’s bright smile, eyes disappearing and dimples showing. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I was asleep,” Valentina says, the gleam in her eyes telling Juliana that she’s about to say something really cheesy. “You woke me up with True Love’s Kiss.”

Juliana bursts out laughing. “True Love’s Kiss?” she repeats once she has recovered.

“Sí,” Valentina insists through a grin. “Eres mi Principe Azul, remember?”

Juliana can only shake her head and smile before Valentina draws her in a longer, deeper kiss. Her heart feels so full of love for this girl who has made a fairy tale out of her life.

⁂

2. Nose Kiss

“I mean, he does have a crush on you,” Erika declares casually.

Erika is one of Juliana’s old friends from fashion school and is now working as a costume designer for a popular telenovela. Juliana has visited her on the show’s set a couple of times. Presently, they’re talking about one of the actors who was apparently too chatty with her.

“No way!” Juliana denies vehemently.

At the same time, Valentina exclaims, “I knew it!”

Juliana has told her about the overly-chatty actor, of course, and she had some suspicions about his crush. Valentina didn’t say anything because she wasn’t really sure, but Erika has just confirmed it. Valentina already dislikes the actor on principle, but unlike when they were younger, she doesn’t get too irritated about his crush on her fianceé.

She used to get so jealous of anyone who would even dare to look Juliana’s way. It’s not that she didn’t trust Juliana, she just hated the thought of anyone else desiring her girlfriend. It took her a while, but she’s come to realise that she can’t stop people from having good taste. Besides, they can crush on her fianceé all they want, Valentina’s still the one who gets to go home to her every day. It also helps that Juliana never takes kindly to being told that some guy fancies her. She seems to take it as a personal insult that men would find her attractive.

“Ugh!” Juliana says, her nose wrinkling in distaste. “I’m never going back there again.”

Valentina lets out an involuntarily squeak at the adorable sight. Unable to help herself, she leans over and places a kiss on Juliana’s nose. “You are too cute, mi amor. No wonder Mexico’s most eligible bachelor fancies you.”

“No. Just… no.”

Valentina chuckles before putting an arm around Juliana’s shoulders and turning to Erika, who is sitting across the table from them, looking quite entertained. “Erika, you can tell that guy that this eligible bachelorette--” she points at herself, “--has already claimed Juliana Valdés’ heart.”

⁂

34. We Survived Kiss

The dirt road is unlit except for their little vehicle’s dim headlights. They’ve been on the road for what feels like hours. Their flight was delayed so they missed the car that was supposed to pick them up. They had to take a bus to the town centre, and now this motorised rickshaw to the private resort that they booked for their holiday.

“We’re going to die, we’re going to die, we’re going to die,” Valentina chants repeatedly, gripping Juliana’s hand tightly. “We survived the drug cartels and kidnappings just to die here, in a remote island in the Pacific.”

“Val--”

“What was that?” Valentina asked, letting go of Juliana’s hand only to throw her arms around her neck.

“What?”

“There’s something on the side of the road!”

“I don’t see anything, Val,” Juliana says. “Maybe it’s just the way the plants are moving in the wind?” she tries to reason.

Valentina falls quiet then. The only sound they can hear is the thrum of the rickshaw’s engine, sputtering whenever they drive over a particularly bumpy part of the road.

Just as Juliana begins to think that Valentina has calmed down, she starts talking again. “Juls,” she says seriously, “I want you to know, if this is our last day on this earth, that I won’t rest in our next life until I find you.”

Juliana’s heart stutters at Valentina’s declaration. Trust her girlfriend to say the most romantic thing during a moment of fear. She maneuvers them so she has her arms around Valentina instead, and she starts rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“Me too, Val,” she says. “But we won’t die here, mi amor,” she adds soothingly. Juliana knows Valentina will recognise that once she starts thinking rationally. It’s just that sometimes, Valentina, with her writer’s brain, can sometimes let her imagination get the best of her. “I promise.”

It’s not until their rickshaw stops almost a mile away from what looks like a big house and their driver tells them abruptly in broken English to get off, that some of Valentina’s fears start creeping into Juliana as well. After they’ve gotten out, the driver flatly tells them to “stand where they are,” and Juliana can’t help but think that he is going to attack them.

“Val,” Juliana starts quietly as they stand staring at their driver, gripping each other’s hands. “When I say the word,” she says, thankful that the man doesn’t speak Spanish, “run to that big house okay? I’ll hold him off.”

“What? Are you out of your mind? I’m not leaving you with this man. If anything, I should hold him off.”

Juliana is about to argue back when they’re interrupted by a car approaching from the direction of the house. It’s one of the resort’s staff, apologising profusely for not being able to meet them at the airport because they thought they cancelled their reservations. Serving as translator, the staff explains to them that their driver, who knows someone in the resort, texted ahead to inform the staff of their arrival. The resort is situated on a hill, and it’s too much of a climb for the little vehicle.

After thanking their driver -- and giving him a more generous than normal tip for thinking he was going to attack them -- Juliana and Valentina climb into the car. They get checked in quickly, then one of the staff leads them to their bedroom and politely wishes them a good night before closing the door behind him.

Finally alone, Valentina throws her arms around Juliana and kisses her soundly on the lips. “We survived,” she says, relief clear in her voice.

“Morrita,” Juliana says, laughing, “I don’t think we were in any danger to begin with.”

Valentina only responds with an embarrassed smile and a slight shake of her head. She steps away from Juliana only to grab her hand and pull her towards the bathroom. They’re due for a long, hot bath.

⁂

44. Public Kiss

The allure of #juliantina has drawn fans from all over the globe ever since Mexican heiress Valentina Carvajal went on national television to declare her love for one Juliana Valdés.

The aftermath of that declaration, coming on the heels of the Carvajals’ drug and money scandal, ran the gamut of possible reactions: from frenzied excitement, to reasonable scepticism, to toxic cynicism. Time can shed light upon truth, however, and in the months that followed, the cynics have fallen silent, the sceptics have been converted, and the fans have become even more excited.

The fans’ primary source of content is Valentina Carvajal’s Instagram. With permission, she talks a little more about her girlfriend in some of her stories: like how Juliana grew up in the USA but is still very much a Mexican; or how Juliana made Valentina beautiful blouses when they were still getting to know each other, and how she’s now studying fashion design. Valentina’s page, which went quiet after her father’s death, is now regularly updated with pictures, some of which are of herself and Juliana. The two women look so happy and in love that anyone seeing the pictures feels privileged to witness such beauty.

Despite Valentina’s occasional posts of the two of them, her relationship with Juliana remains private. The more dedicated fans have followed their family and friends -- and tried to follow a locked account that most definitely belongs to Juliana -- in the hopes of witnessing more of their moments, but they’re met with little success. They have seen Valentina and Juliana hug and throw their arms around each other, but they have never seen them kiss.

That changes almost a year after the famous declaration, thanks to one of the couple’s friends. The name of the friend is irrelevant, what’s important is that they’re posting stories of what appears to be a pool party in the Carvajal mansion.

Valentina seems to have gotten herself into a contest with a guy about who is the faster swimmer.

The first video clip shows people around the pool counting down; at zero, Valentina and her opponent dive into the deep end of the pool. The next video shows Valentina progressively gaining ground on her competition. In the next one, she’s won, climbing out of the pool and throwing her hands up in the air in victory. In the fourth one, she runs up to Juliana, who’s waiting for her with a towel ready.

It’s the next few video clips that send fans into a frenzy.

Juliana wraps the towel around Valentina, who, undeterred by having her arms trapped in the fluffy cloth, leans over and plants a triumphant kiss on Juliana’s lips. As if that wasn’t enough, Valentina takes the towel from Juliana’s grip and swings it around her shoulders, then she throws her arms around Juliana to give her a longer kiss.

Their friends cheer.

Less than an hour later, #juliantinabesos trends on social media.

⁂

20. Reunion Kiss

Adrenaline continues to course through Valentina’s body even half an hour after her interview with Victoria, making her more anxious with each passing minute that she’s still in the studio. Victoria and several of the crew wanted to congratulate her after the interview, and Valentina found that she couldn’t dismiss their kind words after enduring so many rude ones from her so-called friends and her own sister.

Finally, however, Valentina thanks the last of the crew who came up to talk to her. She checks her phone as she stands up, her stomach dropping when she sees that Juliana hasn’t replied to her text. She already tried to call her once, but the call cut off after more than a minute without being answered.

.

She’s met with more people as she leaves the studio, one particularly bold interviewer asking her to say a few words to the LGBT community. She glances down the corridor -- the exit -- before answering as safely as she knows how to. The reason for her coming out is a very personal one. She did it to be true to be herself. She did it to let everyone -- especially those who tried to tell her it was wrong -- that her love for Juliana is abiding and unshakable.

Valentina glances down the corridor again, and there, like an angel granting her wishes, Juliana is walking towards her.

For the past half hour since her interview, Valentina has felt like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. Now, with Juliana smiling so sweetly as she approaches, Valentina feels her heart lift.

*

Juliana practically stumbles out of the taxi that she and Lupé took to get to the El Centro building. She looks back at her mother, who’s still paying the driver, only to be hurried off with frantic waving. Not needing further encouragement, Juliana turns back towards the building, takes a deep breath, and goes inside.

The whole place seems to be in a furore. The two men standing guard by the door are listening with great interest to a woman, whose tone suggests that she’s sharing some gossip, allowing Juliana to go by unnoticed. There’s a crowd gathering by the receptionist’s desk and another one by the elevators. All of them have Valentina’s name on their lips.

Eavesdropping on their conversations -- and blushing at hearing her own name -- Juliana manages to figure out where to find Valentina.

.

The noise of the press reaching Juliana’s ears tells her that she will find Valentina as soon as she takes the next turn in the corridor.

She pauses, hesitating, as the realisation sinks in that she will have to show her face to the reporters and their cameras if she wants to go up to Valentina right at that moment. Then she thinks of Valentina’s words from half an hour ago, reflecting everything she’s done since they confessed to each other that they were in love. Valentina has always believed in their relationship, and now she has braved the judgment of a nation just to stand by it.

Juliana isn’t about to let her face everything by herself.

With a deep bracing breath, she starts moving again, turning the corner to see Valentina talking graciously with a crowd of reporters.

And then Valentina is turning in her direction, catching sight of her, and the nervous smile she sends Juliana’s way has Juliana falling in love all over again.

*

Words are spoken.

Juliana asks if Valentina means everything she said, as though she doesn’t already know the answer to that. Valentina tells Juliana that she can’t imagine her life without her, just to convey the extent of her feelings. She tells the reporter that what she has with Juliana is the most beautiful relationship in her life, because the world needs to realise that there is nothing wrong with their love.

More is said by Juliana’s wide smile and the sparkle in her eyes, by their synchronised giggles, by the way Juliana reaches out for Valentina’s hand, by Valentina’s kiss on Juliana’s hand as they walk away from the reporters, by Juliana’s head on Valentina’s shoulder, by the way Valentina kisses the side of Juliana’s head.

And so the world knows.

But, like Juliana said what felt like a lifetime ago, their relationship and love for each other is for no one else to judge. It’s between them, it’s theirs and theirs alone.

*

They manage to evade the reporters as well as the groups of people discussing the now-famous interview. Valentina leads them up to the top floor of the building and to the chief executive’s office.

“This was my dad’s office,” Valentina says, closing the blinds as Juliana looks in awe around the bright and airy space. “Lucía moved here after he-- after we thought he died, and now she’s-- we should be left alone here…” she trails off, thinking of her stepmother, and thinking how, the last time she was in this room, she was crying to Lucía because Juliana was kidnapped.

Juliana turns to her. She closes the short distance between them and grabs both of Valentina’s hands in hers. They stand toe-to-toe as Juliana waits for her to continue.

Valentina takes heart at her presence, at the love and understanding shining in her eyes. “Juls…”

Juliana smiles at the way Valentina says her name, like it’s the most precious one in the world.

“I’m glad you came,” Valentina says. She was worried that Juliana didn’t see her interview, and then she was worried that Juliana did see it and wasn’t pleased with what she did.

“Me too,” Juliana says honestly. “I can’t believe you said all that,” she adds.

Before Valentina, she never thought that love is in the cards for her. And up until the moment Valentina said her name on national television, she never thought that someone would shout their love for her to the world. It feels surreal.

Valentina bites her lip. “Was it-- was it too much--?”

“No. No, Val,” Juliana is quick to correct her. “It’s just… you said you were worried about your family. No one has ever-- I’ve never-- I mean, I don’t--” Juliana huffs in frustration at her inability to express exactly what she feels.

Valentina thinks she knows what Juliana is trying to say. She leans closer, making sure that Juliana is meeting her gaze before speaking.

“Te quiero, Juliana,” she says clearly, squeezing Juliana’s hand. “Te quiero mucho, te quiero tanto. This, what we have, it’s ours, but I will shout it to the world over and over if it means that we get to keep each other. It’s what I should have done long ago. I love you, and I’m not afraid of who knows that. I want to be with you, if you’ll have me?”

“Val, of course,” Juliana replies immediately. “Yo también, te quiero tanto. I’m sorry I broke us up, but--”

“No, Juls,” says, shaking her head. “Please don’t apologise over that. Everyone was trying to separate us, and you were worried about so many things. You’re not to blame for that.”

“I still hurt you, Val, and I’m sorry for that,” Juliana insists. “But I promise,” she swallows, “I’ll never let anything or anyone make me stay away from you again. I want us to be together.”

Valentina leans forward to press their foreheads together. Juliana inches closer so their noses are touching, their lips millimetres apart, their breaths intermingling. And then they’re kissing, soft and sweet at first, then deep and all-consuming, lasting for minutes and minutes until the need for air draws them apart.

They smile as they gaze at each other, all bright eyes and flushed faces and swollen lips and mussed-up hair.

“Te amo, Juliana,” Valentina says, trying to convey the depth of her feelings in her voice as well as in her words.

Juliana sucks in a breath. No one has ever said those two words to her before, but she knows without a doubt that she feels the exact same way. “Te amo, Valentina.”

.

.

.

[spampistefania]

stefania spampinato & volver transcripted livestream

Interviewer — Going to the USA is a dream for many actors, not everyone succeed in it, it’s a pipe dream. But our guest did it and it wasn’t even her main goal. Let’s hear it from her. Today we have Stefania Spampinato!

I — Hi Stefania, you’re beautiful!

Stefania – Good Morning!

I – How are you?

S – I’m fine! What about you?

I – So, why did I start with this song? I read a lot about you. We barely know each other, but I read about you because I wanted to know everything apart from the things you’ve already told me... So I found out that Brazilian songs make you happy. So I was thinking, what could I sing? I’m so bad at English, I tried every song..., “My way”, but then no, I wanted something happy, so I wanted to dedicate this song to you.

S – You did the right thing! It’s an happy song, and it’s Brazilian. It’s evening there now, and here it’s morning but that’s still good.

I – It’s morning there, but you look amazing. You look relaxed!

S - Yeah, I had my coffee, I woke up...

I – There are so many people in the comments who are sending the Brazilian flag. Because there are people from all over the world. There are so many questions!

S – I receive lot of questions from young actors who want to start this career, so it gets hard to answer to all of them. So... this is a great opportunity, doing it in Italian. I really liked this idea!

I – So let’s start with this. Explain what they ask you.

S – "How can I get to the USA?" All I can do is telling my experience but everyone has their own story. I also started doing the dance thing, I went to London first and from London I came to LA to still dance and then I ended up doing something different. But I studied dancing, singing and acting in Italy with the intention of doing musicals. Then I focused most on the dancing thing and once in LA I started studying acting. But I paid my dues, it’s not like I arrived and I said “Here I am”... no. The most difficult part in the USA is getting a visa, it’s really hard to get because you need to have a solid resumè, so if you didn’t work before it’s hard to arrive to the USA. My advice is to study in Italy or England or in France.

I – They ask if you can suggest some schools?

S – (I didn't understand this part, sorry!)

I – What are you doing during this time? What are you doing since you can’t act?

S – Before the pandemic, during the movie with Siani I saw him directing, I was close with the editor and I got passionate about directing, so in the USA I asked to the GA & the S19 showrunner if I could be a shadow to the director. So I was there 14 hours just to see him directing and then I started working on my short film... but during this pandemic I tried to end this idea of the short film.

I – There are so many English people here, do you want to say hi in English? There are so many people who want to learn Italian because of you!

S – I'm so sorry this one is in italian and a lot of you are not gonna understand much, but [...] (she talks about sending questions in english). There are lots of Brazilian, Argentinian fans!

I – Even from Chile! So, many people are asking what are the differences between USA and Italy?

S – Honestly, in the USA there are more money. But I’m part of two famous tv series. The thing that is better is that on Italian set you feel like a family. In Italy the assistant would come with some pizza and say “it is right out of the oven, eat it before shooting the scene”. In America this wouldn’t happen. In the morning in Italy you would have espresso all together and so the atmosphere is more familiar. Even behind the scenes, in the USA is the place where there are the director and the writer, the actors are not allowed. Instead in Italy you can talk to the director, you can participate more.

I – Did you have difficulties during auditions, because you were Italian?

S – For the foreign people are all the same. There is no difference between Spanish, Italian. Then if you are a good-looking guy or girl they may think “he was a model and and now he wants to be an actor”. So that’s the vibe when you get into the audition room. So you have to work harder to prove yourself, and to show that you deserve it.

I – I mean just thinking about the green card, I mean I didn’t came here for fun, I earned it.

S – Well, about the green card... there are people who can obtain the green card easily, because they want to do the acting thing just to become famous, not because they are passionate about it. And to them they say “no, no”. They give you the opportunity to show them that you are worth it.

I – What was you reaction when you got the part for Carina? Your reaction and your family’s reaction?

S – The night before the audition I was at my acting class and I was crying because of my Italian accent. With the accent I could have just Italian roles. So I was crying. The next day I arrived, and when I got into the room the casting director was like “let’s see another one” but then during the audition they asked me a question, they made me do the scene another time, they made me improvise. And they told me "don’t’ go back to Italy". The next morning, they told me “see you at the table read!” So, I laughed, I cried. My neighbors wanted to call the police. I didn’t tell anything to my family until 2 weeks later because I heard about people who were fired after the table read, so I was scared. When the news were officially out I told everyone. My best friend is a huge Grey's Anatomy fan, so I was really excited to tell her.

I – Having Giacomo there helped? I mean, someone you could speak Italian with...

S – Yes!

I – How did you feel when you got on the set of GA?

S – It was unreal. Ellen Pompeo is the one who says hi to you. I couldn’t believe it!

I – What did you like about playing an LGBT character? And how much Stefania there is in Carina?

S – I really like playing an LGBT character, because it doesn’t happen a lot that an Italian is chosen to represent this community, so it was a new thing. Also because lot of Italian teenagers don't have a person who can represent them in that way. So being an European girl, bisexual, without limits. I was so happy.

I – Yeah, because you are a doctor who studies women’s brain during orgasms, right? Does it really exist this kind of doctor? Do you guys prepare for these things?

S – Yes, these people exist. In fact, I talked to an Italian doctor who was doing this study in London... I read some books, “The multiorgasmic woman” is what is called.

I – I didn’t know that. I thought it was fictional!

S – GA is based on real things, and about the second question... Carina taught me so much. Because I’m Sicilian, I grew up in a small town and despite the fact that my mom was super open-minded, I grew up in a conservative world. So Carina taught me to be more relaxed, to not be afraid of saying things.

I – She is the one who taught you something! And between Arizona and Maya, which one is the story couple you would like to live? (I don’t know if this is right!)

S – Maya! As soon as we read the script – we say this a lot – everyone got quiet and there were 5 seconds of silence, because everyone was surprised by the chemistry that was there.

I – Were you on Station 19?

S – Yes!

I – What if they told you that you became an important character on S19 and you had to choose between S19 and GA?

S – Well... S19 is a show that talks about firefighters so I don’t know how an OB could fit in it.

I – Now that Arizona is gone, why they don’t write a storyline about Carina? But everything's stopped there, you are not shooting, right?

S – No, we are not. GA didn’t finish the last 4 episode. They told it would have started again this week but I don’t think it has. What about Italy?

I – We should start “phase 3” on the 3rd of June. So they would like to start again from mid June/July. We hope it won’t be in September. Also, many people want you back in Italy. Speaking about Italy... you were in (Alessandro) Siani’s movie. You were Flavia, a scientist, a good one. Then there’s a love story with him. How was working with him? Is he really selfless?

S – He was super busy because he was the writer, the director and the actor. There were scripted scenes, but we improvised a lot and that was very funny. I liked how the love story was written because it was fresh and not so much romantic.

I – It's a really great movie. There are people here saying "you’re beautiful", "ti amo", "English please!"...

S – Most of my live are in english so...

I – Do you dream in Italian or in English? Do you feel uncomfortable with the actors on set?

S – I don’t know... For example, I had some builder who were speaking Spanish and I started speaking Spanish and dreaming in Spanish.

I – Which role of a movie you saw that you would have liked to play?

S – Rosario Dowson’s role in “Sette Anime” di Gabriele Muccino!

I – And a director you would like to work with?

S – It’s not easy. Because maybe some of them do great thing but you don’t get along with them. But the director of S19... he tells you a specific thing and it changes everything. And I didn’t expect that a person with so much experience would dedicate so much time to an actor.

I – It’s hard to create empathy...

S – That’s why I decided to start directing. I had some scenes with Danielle, and she had to cry, and on TV Shows the director usually don’t give you so much time, so we, as actors, help each other. So it’s beautiful to tell an actor to say “do that”.

I – What kind of movies would you like to direct? Horror, action?

S – No, horror no! They make me anxious. I like romantic comedies, but also dramatic movies.

I – Do you live love with yearning?

S – (I didn't understand this part, sorry!)

I – Can I tell you something? Thank God. If you have the passion about directing you have to protect it. Can you say something in Sicilian?

S – I’ll tell you something that my mom always said and that my sister and I want to tattoo on our ankle: “zita sempre maritata mai” (always in a relationship but never married).

I – She's right! The problem is that we always fall for it. As women, we are always romatic, the prince charming arrives with his white horse. Do you know what a Brazilian friend of mine say? My prince charming’s horse is a little bit hurt (I don’t know how to translate it). At the beginning the prince is perfect and then… Apart your relationship with you boyfriend or husband or whatever, can you say that your job is your second love? I don’t want to put it first.

S – When you work harder for something you want to do, it’s amazing!

I – A Brazilian asked “did she talked about an husband?” I don’t know, I just said boyfriend, husband and we don’t care. We also have to say goodbye. I’m happy we had you here in this live. Thank you, bye!

S - Bye!

——————————————

special thanks to the queen paola for translating it from italian to english! 💜

[ella-se-vuelve-loca]

Make My Wish Come True | Whoever You Want (6th Day of 🎄)

It’s officially the 6th day of Christmas! We’re halfway through this you guys! I hope you’re enjoying my stories! 💕

(Credits to the owner of this gif!!!)

~~

‘Mi amor,

I have a little surprise for you this Christmas. Now bare with me, I know you can get a little impatient at times, but I had this day all planned out just for you. I wrote a couple of letters and placed them around the city. I want you to follow them for me, baby. Your friend Cristina will come by in a bit to pick you up and take you to your next letter – more instructions will follow throughout the day. I hope you love your flower, make sure to take it with you everywhere you go today. You’ll see me very soon. I can’t wait to see you. Te amo. x’

 I looked down at the letter in front of me and wondered what he had planned for today. I had woken up to an empty bed and had gone to the kitchen to make myself something to eat, only to find breakfast already made and set on our table. A single rose rested in a glass vase with this letter attached to it.

The smell of pancakes infiltrated my nose as my mouth began to salivate at the glorious scent. I warmed myself up a cup of coffee, sat down and took a bite of the food. “Mmm…” I smiled and mentally thanked him for this wonderful surprise, but I did wish he was here so we could be eating this together.

After breakfast, I had gone into my room to quickly get ready. Cristina had texted me saying that she was gonna be here soon, so I might as well get ready quickly. I simple pair of jeans and a cute top ought to be okay. 

My phone rang when I finished putting my shoes on. 

“Hello?” I answered as I picked up the phone. “Hey! I’m right outside!”

“Okay, I’ll be there in a sec.” I hung up, quickly slipped on my jacket, locked the front door and walked over to her car. “I’m here!” I laughed and got inside, setting my things aside as she started her car once again. “So, Cristina, my love, haha where are we going first?” She smiled and started driving away.

“Oh girl, that’s a surprise.”

We sang along to some music that played on the radio as she continued to drive to our destination, until she stopped and parked the car in front of a hair salon. “Um… what are we doing here?” I asked as she unbuckled her seatbelt. “Surprise.” She laughed. “This is our first stop.” 

“I’m – what? Wait, hold up..” She got out of the car and I followed after her. “A hair salon? You’re not telling me that I’m gonna..” she nodded her head and took my hand in hers. “C’mon!” We walked inside and was greeted by the people here. “Hi, can I help you two girls today?” The lady asked as she stood behind the counter.

“Yes, we have a reservation for Ms. (L/N).” Cristina responded and the lady nodded. “Oh, you’re Ms. (L/N)?” She asked as I nodded. “I actually have something for you..” She crouched down, grabbed something from under the counter and came back up with a rose and a single note. “Here you are.” She smiled and handed them to me.  

“Oh, thank you.” I shyly smiled and grabbed the small gifts.

‘Baby, 

Surprise! I know you’ve been saying you want to go get your hair done again really soon, so I booked an appointment and I want you to treat yourself with a new hairstyle and get your make up done. Don’t worry about paying for it, I already got that covered. I can’t wait to see you mi amor. x’

Well… this is going to be interesting. I looked through the hairstyles and colors I might want to try out until I found one that spoke to me the most. The lady called my name and I sat on one of the chris styling chairs there and showed her what type of style I’m going for. 

“Let’s get this started..”

-

“Girl, you look amazing!” Cristina spoke as we got inside her car. “It totally suits you!”

“You’re makin’ me blush over here.” I laughed and grabbed my two roses in my hands. “It’s the truth.” She smiled as she started the car. “Okay, Uber driver, where are we off to next?”

“Oh wow, so I went from friend to Uber. What an upgrade.” She joked as she started driving to our next destination. “And just because of that, I won’t tell you where we’re off to next.” 

“You weren’t gonna tell me anyways, weren’t you?” 

“Nope.” She smiled. We continued to talk and joke about things going on in our lives as she parked outside of a nail salon. “… Nails?” She nodded and hopped out as I followed after.

“(Y/N)! Cristina!” I heard my friend Alexis yell as she came over to greet us. “Hey! How are you?”  

“I’m doing great! How about you?” 

“I’m doing amazing. Oh! I have something for you.” She had us follow her to a nail technician and told her that we have an appointment already set for us at this time. “Is this her?” The lady spoke as she saw me approach her. “She sure is.” Alexis spoke as we now stood right in front of her.

“Give me one second..” She reached below her desk and pulled out a rose and surprise surprise, there was a letter attached to it. “Here you go.” She smiled as she handed it to me. “Thank you.” I smiled and took the gift.

‘Princesa,

Go get your nails done, baby. I took it upon myself to pay for you and your friends because why not? Everyone deserves to get pampered every once in a while… and plus, I love having your nails scratch down my back as I… well, you know ;) anyways, I’m counting down the time until I can see you. I hope you’re loving my little surprises for you. x’

“We’re getting our nails done, girls!” I spoke as they cheered. “We’re getting treated like queens today!” Cristina spoke as each of us sat down on the chairs. We got manicures and pedicures together as we gossiped about everything. I haven’t done this in a while with some friends and it honestly just felt so good to be able to see them and chat with them again. When we were done and we went back to Cristina’s car, I just had to ask again because now I’m getting really interested in what’s really going on.

“Okay, I’m gonna try again… where are we heading to next?”  

“Girl, you know neither one of us are gonna tell you.”

“It’s a surprise!”

“But I really wanna know! I’m all anxious and excited now. Please? I’m dying to know!” They both shook their heads and got strapped in, as did I. “Man, y’all suck.”

“Yeah, but we both know who’s dick you’re sucking.” Alexis spoke as Cristina let out a loud laugh. “Oh, you bitch!” I laughed. “Shut up!” 

-

“We’re going… shopping!” Cristina spoke as she parked her car. “Yes, because you need an outfit change.” Alexis said as we all got out of the car. “What? My outfit isn’t bad today.”

“No… but you’re gonna need one for what’s gonna happen later on.” We walked inside the building and went straight for the clothes. “Where is she?” I heard Cristina ask as we were walking through the aisles. “You looking for me?” We turned and saw Daniella standing behind us. “You guys took longer than I thought.”

“We got a little busy.” Alexis spoke as we all took turns greeting her. “This is for you.” She spoke as she gave me another rose and letter. “Oh my God, this doesn’t end.” I laughed and read the letter.

‘Bebecita,

You know you feel good on the inside when you look good on the outside. So, you can already tell where I’m going with this. Treat yourself with a brand new outfit and strut your stuff! I can’t wait to slip it off of you later ;) make it easy for me, yeah? I can just imagine how beautiful you look like right now. Don’t worry, baby. I’ll see you really really soon. These little surprises are almost over. I still have two more things up my sleeve. x’

“Okay, mission: help (Y/N) look sexy and cute as fuck tonight.” Cristina spoke as they all got to work to find the “perfect dress”. We looked through all of the pretty dresses the store had to offer until we had our own little stack of clothes in our hands. They brought me over to the fitting rooms and gave me a few dresses to try on. The conversations and comments went something like…

“It looks cute, but where are we gonna find shoes to match?”

“Hmm… it’s way too long. It’s like a curtain, no offence.”

“I like the color, but the design is ehh…” 

“(Y/N), babe… it’s a no.”

“This one’s way too short. I mean, your ass looks great but this is not the right dress for this occasion.”

It was just an endless loop of me trying on a dress, them telling me different comments and I end up trying on something different. “I have a good feeling about the next one – I know it!” I walked back into the dressing room and slipped off the dress. I grabbed the next one off the hanger and tried it on.

“So, after this, do you wanna go and get some coffee together?”

“I had one before you got here.”

“What? Really?”

“Well, yeah! You guys were taking forever doing - … oh.. my.. God…” Daniella stopped speaking when she saw me get out of the room and walk in front of them. “What do we think?” I asked.

“You look so hot! Oh my – ” 

“Yes! Yes! Yes!”

“Girl, you look amazing.”

I twirled around in the dress and laughed. “I love it. It’s so comfortable, it’s not too tight, not too short or long… it’s in our price range.” I smiled. 

“He’s gonna be speechless when he sees you.” I went back into the changing room to put my regular clothes in a bag, I came out with the dress in my hands but I didn’t see Daniella anywhere. “Hey, where’s Dani?” I asked. “Oh, she went to the bathroom real quick. C’mon, let’s go and pay for the dress!” Cristina spoke as we started making our way to the cashier. “You guys really don’t have to do this. I have my card with me right now.”

“We know, but we’re buying it for you. I don’t want you to spend a single cent right now.” After having bought the dress, we waited off to the side for Dani to come with us. I looked over and saw her walking towards us with a bag in her hands.

“What’s this?” 

She handed the bag to me and smiled. “A gift.” I shook my head. “Dani, this is so sweet but – ”

“You need shoes to match with that dress. It’s a gift from me to you. You can pay us back later some other day. I’m thinking breakfast.” She laughed as I took the bag in my hands. “Thank you.. all of you.” They are honestly the best friends a girl can ask for. 

They took me to a bathroom somewhere in the store so I could try the whole outfit on together before we left to Cristina’s car. I feel good, I look good… I feel amazing right about now.

-

“Why did we stop here?” I asked as I took my flowers in my hands and got out of the car with them. “You’ll see.” Alexis spoke as we walked down the street until we stopped in front of a horse carriage. “Oh my God..” I muttered. “Hop in.” Cristina spoke as I stood in front of the three of them. “No way… he didn’t actually..” Daniella nodded as Alexis laughed. “Girl, just go in! He’ll take you where you need to go next.”

I turned and gave them all a hug before I hopped in. “If this is some type of trick..” 

“It’s not! We promise!”

The man made sure I was safely strapped in and handed me a rose with a letter when he was done. “This is for you, Ms. (L/N).” He smiled and walked to the front of the carriage before hopping on himself.

‘Mi vida,

I know you’ve been waiting all day to see me. Well, now the time’s finally come. I can’t tell you how nervous I actually am to see you. Don’t ask me why just yet, you’ll see soon enough. Baby, this whole thing may be a little cliché, but I don’t care because I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else but you. I’ve been planning this little adventure for a while now and all I can hope is that you’ll say “yes”. I love you, mi amor. I’ll see you in a few minutes. x’

Say “yes”? Say yes to what? I looked at the small bouquet of flowers in my hands and smiled. He’s honestly the sweetest and most romantic guy I’ve ever met. We continued on this little horse carriage ride for a few minutes, taking a little stroll around the town, until he came to a stop. “This is as far as I can take you, Ms.” 

I got off the carriage and looked around and saw we stopped at a park. “Just follow the lights. He’s on the other side.” He smiled and trotted away.

There wasn’t really anyone at the park this late at night, but I followed the lights like he told me. I could hear hear soft music playing ahead of me, so I hurried along until I stopped at the entrance to a gazebo. There he was… standing there…

He turned around and looked at me, a flower in his hands and his mouth slightly open. “Mi amor… you look… gorgeous..” He held out his hand with the flower and I walked over to him and took it. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” I laughed as he slowly spun me around. I looked inside the gazebo and saw so many lights surrounding us. It looked so magical.

"Will you honor me with a dance?” He asked as he played a slow song for the two of us to dance to. “It would be my pleasure.” I smiled.

He placed one of his hands on my waist and brought me closer to him while his other hand held onto my own. I placed one of my hands on his bicep as he slowly led the two of us into a waltz. “So, what’s the occasion? I know it’s close to Christmas and all, but why did you do this?” 

He spun me around and laughed. “Well, it’s a very special occasion if you ask me. In fact, it’s a really important one.” 

“Really?” He nodded. “Tonight, hopefully, is the start of… a new beginning, if you will.” Confused, I tilted my head and looked up at him. “What do you mean?” 

He waited a few moments before answering my question. “What – What I mean is… we’ve been together for a long time now. I’m lucky to be with someone who’s not only my girlfriend, but my best friend. You are just so amazing and I’m so happy I found you.” Heat spread across my face as he continued.

“Baby, I’ve been waiting to ask you something for a few months now…” We stopped dancing as he slowly got down on one knee and took out a small black velvet box. “Oh my God…”

“(Y/N), mi amor… you are the one person I want to wake up next to for the rest of my life. The one person who makes me a better person and can make me laugh whenever I’m upset. The one person I want to start a family with..” I can feel tears brimming from my eyes as I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. He opened the small box and inside was a ring.

“(Y/N)… quieres casarte conmigo?” 

I nodded my head and spoke. “Yes.. yes, a hundred times yes in every language.” He smiled and slid the ring onto my finger, stood up, cupped my cheek and brought me up to his lips to meet me in a kiss.  

“Te amo, mi amor… my fiancé…” He smiled and kissed me once more. “Te amo.”

[rickssugarplum]

In Your Eyes

Hi everyone! It’s been awhile and I haven’t had any ideas lately so, this idea was given to me by a lovely person on Discord! I hope you like it! Season 4 will be here soon! ❤ (P.S. Season 4 will be here soon! :O)

(Rick C-137 x Reader) SFW, Swearing, Depression, TW: Mentions of Suicide, Drinking, Hurt/Comfort

You find Rick in a moment of self-hatred. You do what you can to help him.

                                      ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Sometimes I think you want me to touch you. But how can I when you build the great wall around you? - Tori Amos

In the dark of night, it was quiet in the Smith house. You were alone on the couch in the living room, reading one of your books. It gave you some normalcy that seemed foreign to the family now. Nothing was normal with Rick in your life. Honestly, it was too late to be up, but you hadn’t seen him in awhile and he had probably gone off planet. You looked at the clock to check the time.

2:15 a.m. 

You pursed your lips in worry as you turned a page, wondering how much longer he will be gone. The wait did not last much longer. You heard a low hum of an engine, presumably his space ship as it landed in the garage. Closing the book you stand up from the couch when you heard a loud crash emitting from the garage. The sound of shattering glass startled you, causing more panic than before. You waited for any other sounds, but it soon became quiet. Taking light steps toward into the kitchen, you stopped in front of the garage door. Only a moment of hesitation passed before you lightly knocked. No response. You knocked again, this time calling his name. 

“Rick?” you called out. No answer. One more time was the last straw before you decided to gently turn the knob and pushing the door open, making yourself in. Immediately, you saw broken bottles and spilt chemicals all over the floor. Mangled metal and shattered bulbs were sprawled on his workbench. Looking up, you found Rick, his back to you, sitting with his head down. He had yet to acknowledge your presence. You took light steps closer to him and you see his flask tipped over with alcohol dripping down the table. You hear his breathing. His shoulders were trembling. That’s when you heard his light sobbing. Immediately, your heart ached. Rick was never one to cry. Not like this...

“....Rick?” you called out softly to him. The only response were more sniffles. You tried again. Now close enough to reach him, you place your hand delicately on his shoulder. “Ri-” Your hand is quickly smacked off his shoulder, his growl making you jump. 

“Get the fuck away from me!” he barked. 

Your trembling hand reached out to him again. “Rick please-”

He did not budge. He stood up from his chair, towering over you. “Get out now!” he ordered. His face was close enough for your nose to get a whiff of his breath reeking of alcohol. He was clearly intoxicated, drunk with more alcohol than his already tolerant body could handle. But, you did not stir. In his rage, you noticed his eyes were red and bloodshot and face damp with tears. You couldn’t give up on him. 

“I just want to help you...” you whispered. He scoffed. “I don’t want any help.” he insisted, crossing his arms.

“That’s bullshit, Rick.” What was that phrase he blurted out? Wubba lubba dub dub. You learned a while ago what it really meant...

I am in great pain. Please, help me.

How many nights had he spent alone? That he would cry to himself, thinking back of everything he’s lost?  Or when he would....

No. You were not gonna let that happen. As long as you had breath your body, you’d make sure he was safe.

“I’m not leaving you like this.” 

Annoyed with your defiance, he closed his eyes and turned around leaning over his workbench. “You...Y-you can’t fix this.” he declared. Fix what, you didn’t know. His issues? Himself?

“I’m not here to fix anything.” you assured him. He didn’t respond. ‘I just....want to tell you I’m here if you need anything. You don’t have to go through it alone, Rick...”

He fell back in his chair, sulking as he rested his arms on the table. A shaky exhale escaped his lips. His voice trembled when he finally spoke.

 ‘I....I deserve to be alone...”

You could’ve heard a pin drop at his statement. He truly believed that. Years of self-hatred and trauma had gotten him to this point. What could be done to remedy that? If he couldn’t do it, how can anyone? Of all the things he has in his lab, his inventions, his mind. What did he lack? As you looked into his shaking frame, it hit you.

He never learned to love himself.

A few things you learned about Ricks. One, they’re the smartest in the universe. Two, they absolutely hate themselves. Their self-hatred had no limits. You didn’t want to bare the thought of how many of them ended their own lives, how lonely they truly were inside their old, broken hearts. 

“Fuck. I’m worthless.” he cried. Your throat tightened at his despair. It took everything you had in your body to not falter. 

This is not about you. He needs you.

Taking timid steps behind his seat, your hands gently landed on his tired shoulders. This time, Rick did not pull away. Slowly, your fingers started rubbing his pent up tension away. You felt his body loosen at your touch. He was still quiet, but he allowed you to continue. After all, physical touch was one way to release good chemicals in the brain. You made sure you were gentle, tracing feather-like strokes down his back.

“Is..is this okay, Rick....?” you asked him quietly. He felt himself shiver at your concern so close to him. It had been so many years since he let himself be so vulnerable around someone. Suddenly, he found his head start to pound again, eyes becoming blurry. In frustration, Ricks face grimaced and he abruptly placed his hands in his hair. Quick pants erupted from him as he harshly grasped on his blue strands. You faced him and took his hands in your own. 

“Rick, stop. You’re hurting yourself...” you begged, keeping his hands away. He didn’t fight it, his eyes were squeezed shut, teeth clenched. Tears had escaped his shut eyes, pouring down his wrinkled face. “No shit! I deserve to hurt!” he yelled. Your mouth went agape. “That’s not true at all, Rick. What the hell makes you think that?” you questioned. He took one deep breath, before he went off.

“Everyone good in my life I hurt. I hurt my friends. I hurt my daughter. I hurt my wife. I hurt my grandkids, I hurt you! All I do is hurt people! No one should love me.” 

His head sunk down, no longer looking at you. As hard as it was for him to tell you this, it was what he believed was the truth it was now your turn to give him yours.

“And yet I do.”

Rick looked up to see your certain demeanor. You cupped his face in your hands, looking into his sad eyes. In them you saw everything he’d been hiding away. Wiping his tears with your thumbs, you assured him. “And yet your daughter does and your friends. Your grandchildren love you. No matter what you think they should or shouldn’t do, they do because as humans, we can’t choose who we love...”

Rick was silent. You knew had more to say. “When people love, they do anything to show them just how much. I...I want you to know that...I’ll always be here for you.”

Before he could object, you placed your lips gently on his own. The bitter taste of hard liquor hit your mouth, but you didn’t care. Surprised, he kissed back in appreciation. You pulled back with a warm smile, telling him, “I love you...”

You felt him shiver at that. He’s always had trouble with that four-letter word, but it was not too late for him to experience it. Slowly, Rick opened his arms, clear what he wanted without saying it. Happy to oblige, you climbed into his lap and fell into his embrace. His grip was a bit tighter than usual, more desperate. But you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his cheek, affirming you were not going anywhere. Burying your face in his neck, you relaxed for a while as he held you tight like a lifeline. It was quiet for awhile before he finally spoke.

“Thank you, baby...” he murmured. You simply replied back,

“Anything for you.”

Nothing was said after that. Just the two of you together in each other’s arms, exchanging kisses, sharing unconditional love in silence.

❤

[shhh-no-ones-home]

saints protect her chris motionless x reader

+++++++++ Request: @svintsandghosts "hey love. so i came across a song from back in my teenage years, was wondering if you could do a fic for it for chris? song is te amo by rihanna... Angst?"

Okay so I took inspo from "Te Amo" by rihanna, "interlude" by my chem, and a children's book called "the kissing hand" by audrey penn. This turned out really tragic, like more-so than I meant it to so just a heads up. sorry if i completely missed the mark on your request, if so id be glad to take another stab at it, just let me know :)

also i did try to edit as best i could but if i missed anything sorry lol

Song: she makes dirty words sound pretty by Pierce the veil

tag list: @thisplace-ishaunted @ryansitkowskiswifey @alilpunkrock @theoneandonlykymberlee @cynic-spirit +++++++++

"So what? You're just gonna be mad at me for no reason?"

I shrugged, not speaking to him.

"You always used to ask me to dance with you when this song came on."

I shrugged again.

"Maybe I just don't feel like dancing."

I looked away from him. He was right though, I loved slow dancing to this song. I also loved the feeling of holding him close to me, hearing the way his heart beat along to the music. He held his hand out to me.

"Please just dance with me."

I shook my head. There were so many things I still needed to think about. To get off my chest.

"No."

I stated bluntly. He sighed.

"Why not?"

I shook my head.

"You hurt me."

He looked a little confused.

"How did I hurt you?"

I shrugged.

"You just did okay."

He raised both of his brows.

"If I really hurt you I'd appreciate if you'd Please enlighten me. That way I can at least try to make things better."

I shook my head at him. He was absolutely unbelievable. Or maybe it was me who was.

"I heard you, talking to Shane. You don't love me."

I looked down at my lap and fiddled with my fingers.

"hell you probably never even liked me."

He sent me a look.

"What exactly did you hear me say to Shane?"

I looked up at him and breathed deeply.

"You said you couldn't love. That's why all your relationships tank. I guess I'm not even mad about that part, it's just, why wouldn't you tell me? How can I trust you if you go to someone else with your, our, problems?"

He sighed and moved to sit next to me. I just scooted away from him.

"come on y/n, I do talk to you, about most things."

I scoffed.

"Yeah most things, but evidently not the things that matter."

"You know that's a lie."

"No! I don't know if that's a lie! You barely come to me with your problems. Isn't being in a relationship supposed to mean you're a team? I feel like I barely have some vague idea of who you really are."

He looked a little sad now, holding his hand out to me again.

"will you Please just dance with me?"

"I love you."

I said bluntly as he stared me down, a Stern gaze now across his features.

"I love you"

I said again, staring intently back at him.

"Don't."

He said, loosening his body a bit. He had gotten so defensive so fast.

"We've been friends for years, in a relationship for months, surely I Mean something to you. I just wanna hear you say it."

He shook his head at me.

"Why? Will you Please just dance with me?"

Tears were stinging my eyes.

"I'm not doing shit till you say it."

He sent me a look.

"I can't."

I shook my head, wiping my eyes.

"That's what I thought."

He inhaled sharply.

"What do you want me to do y/n? Lie to you? Yeah, I dont love you, or maybe I do. I don't think i love anyone, not anymore. And you're right There's no point in lying to you."

I sniffled a little bit, wiping my face.

"I want to be your partner Chris. I do really love you. And I know you are working on some things but maybe right now just isn't the time for us."

He looked so worried, quickly reaching for my hands to hold them. I didn't pull away this time though.

"Please don't. You just said I'm working on some things so maybe I'm making progress already. Please, I need you. You make me better can't you see that?"

I shook my head and closed my eyes, letting a few tears fall down my face.

"Maybe so but I think you need to do this on your own. We both have some serious growing to do."

Now it was hard to look at him. He was crying just as much as I was. He squeezed my hand.

"If this is you breaking up with me will you please just give me one more dance? If we don't spend time together after this I want to at least end on a good note, holding you close to me."

I nodded.

"Yeah, I'll do that, for you. You mean so much to me. And I would like to think we could still hang out and talk and be friends, it just isn't our time. So yeah, I'll dance with you, one last time."

He took my hand in his and stood up, turning the song back on.

"I do care about you. You are such a large part of my life."

I leaned into him as he held me.

"I love you Chris."

I rested my head on his chest, hearing his heart beat to the song. It wasn't like it was before though. It was sad, yearning. I knew deep down he did probably love me, but how could I stay knowing it wasn't what either of us deserved? I felt him kiss the top of my head and I looked up at him, hearing the song come to an end.

"I don't believe in God, but I'll pray to whatever higher power there may be that our paths cross again. And that they keep you safe till then."

I placed my hand gently on his cheek and ran my thumb over his cheek bone, smearing his black, makeup-ridden tears.

"Let the angles guide us."

I said quietly. He took my hand in his before bringing it to his lips and kissing my palm.

"If we don't meet again just know you'll always be with me."

I took my hand out of his and placed it over my heart.

"I miss you."

I said, my voice breaking as the words left my lips.

"I love you."