#look guys i can color shift my edits (literally just started using more than two hue layers fshjghdjhgjkdkj)

[flowersbby]

Drawn to You | Corpse Husband x Fem! Reader

Warning:  Makeout, This is a lil long (I got carried away)

Word count: 3859

It was a typical night for you. You had your music playing faintly in the background while you were writing notes for your anatomy & physiology class when you felt your phone vibrate violently on your desk, which caused your French bulldog, Royal, to wake up from his snoring slumber on your lap. With an annoyed huff, you pick up your phone and notice your best friend Rae had texted you numerous times.

Rae 😴

Hey!

Among Us!

Now!

Need 10th person!

Pleaseeeeee

You stared at the messages for a minute. You were confused on why she asked you of all people. You were the opposite of the many streaming friends she had who were loud, funny, and all around GOOD at games. Your shy character would not fit well on her stream and you knew that. Plus, the only games you’ve played are Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing, which requires no communication with people and you preferred it that way.

You

Why me? I’m in the middle of writing notes.

Rae 😴

There’s this person I want you to meet!

He’s really nice and you’ll warm up to the group in no time, I promise!

I won’t let them be mean to you 😤😤

They’re nice ppl anyway so they wont be mean lol

You

Okay.. let me load up my discord

Rae 😴

Yayy!

I already bought among us for you last time I was over so you’re good to go!

‘What? When did she find the time to buy the game for me? We were literally together the whole time she was here.’ You thought, but quickly dismissed it and loaded up discord. Right as you got online, you got an invite from Rae. You quickly grabbed your headset and adjusted your mic before joining the call. You petted Royal in an attempt to calm your nerves as you saw 9 peoples profile pictures appear in front of you. You only recognized Rae’s, of course.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” Rae exclaimed, “Guys, this is my best friend (Y/N)! Introduce yourselves!”

“Hi, I’m Toast!” Said the man with the toast icon. You smiled at his profile picture. You found it cute.

“I’m Jack!” Said an Irish voice. You know Jack. You used to watch his videos a lot.

“I’m Poki!” Said a girl with a really sweet voice, “Nice to meet you!” You were about to say hello back when someone else chimed in.

“Hello, I’m Felix!” You recognized that Swedish accent. He was the most well known YouTuber, of course.

“Nice to meet you!” Said a really soft voice, “I’m Sykkuno!” His voice reminded you of an anime boy. You smiled to yourself.

“Hi, I’m Lily!” Said a really cute and high pitched voice. 

“Hi everyon-” You went to introduce yourself properly until you got cut off.

“I’m Corpse.” Said a deep, attractive voice. Your eyes widened for a second, his voice catching you off guard.

“H-hello,” You attempt to say hello again but this time you’re a little shaken up by Corpse’s voice, but you get it together by petting Royal once again. “I’m (Y/N). It’s nice to meet you all!”

“Your voice is so adorable!” Says Lily. You smile at the fact that someone who’s voice is equally as adorable complimented yours.

“Thank you!” You respond, “Your voice is adorable too, Oh my God!” 

Lily giggles at your compliment. “Alright!” Exclaimed Rae, “Ready to play (N/N)?” You quickly realized you forgot to load up Among Us before hand. You were silently kicking yourself for not doing such a simple thing. Now they’re gonna have to wait longer to play because of you and they already waited long enough for you to join the discord call.

“Um..” You stall as you hurriedly click on the Among Us icon. “I’m so sorry. I forgot to load it up.. but it’s loading right now!” Your eyes are glued to the screen as if it’ll make the game boot up faster. 

“That’s okay.” Said Corpse in the most kind voice. “It won’t take that long.” You feel heat rushing to your cheeks just by hearing his voice. Who is this man and why is he making you feel like this?

They all agreed with Corpse and continued chatting about whatever they were chatting about before you joined the call. You were half listening as you were trying to figure out what to do as the game loaded up. Just as you were about to ask Rae, Corpse sent you the game code through a private message. You typed “Thank you!” as you quickly entered your name and then the game code.

“Woo! (Y/N)’s here!’ Said Rae happily. “Choose your color and your hat!” ‘Where do I do that?’ You thought to yourself but quickly found it. You wanted to be pink but it wouldn’t let you choose it.

“Why isn’t it letting me choose pink?” You asked. 

“It’s because Corpse is pink.” Explained Lily. “He took it from me too.” She said with a sad, but funny, tone.

“I can be a different color.” Corpse said and quickly changed his color from pink to white. 

“Oh, Thank you!” You said happily and picked a flower to match it.

“No problem.” He said and you could hear the smile in his voice. It made butterflies appear in your stomach.

“Are you kidding me?!” Said a laughing Lily. “I literally ARGUED with you about letting me have pink!”

“I sense something happening...” Cooed Rae in a sing songy voice. The whole group then erupted in “Ooooo’s”. This made you blush. You covered your face even though they couldn’t see you and Corpse chuckled, which only made you blush more.

Before the game started they all explained to you how to play so you wouldn’t be lost. This calmed your nerves a bit and when the game started you were happily going around the ship completing your tasks. Watering the plants was your favorite so far since you found it satisfying how the plants grew. You saw Corpse run up to you and you made your character step away a bit because you didn’t want to get killed. He instead ran circles around you and you decided to follow him for the rest of the game for safety. You both encountered Rae and Toast by the vending machines but didn’t think much of it and waited for Corpse to finish his task. Until Rae killed you and Toast killed Corpse. “A double kill?!” You shouted to yourself, causing Royal to wake up and slowly get off your lap. “I’m sorry buddy..” You said to him as he laid down in his dog bed. You turn your attention back to the screen as someone found you and Corpse’s dead bodies.

“Um, bodies found by the vending machines.” Said Felix who didn’t sound all too confident. “Jack where were you?” He asked.

“I was in..” As Jack was about to explain himself you heard a ‘pop’ emit from your headphones and saw a red dot by the messages icon. You clicked it and saw it was a message from Corpse. You completely stopped caring about the arguing going on through your headphones as Jack was trying to claim innocence.

“I like your flower :)” It read. You smiled big and immediately typed back.

Your fingers hovered over the keys thinking about what to type back but you settled on a simple “Thank you :D”.

After two games or so everyone got tired and decided to head out. You all said your goodbyes and watched as each person slowly began to leave the call. You didn’t want to leave until you were sure everybody was gone. Everybody left but Corpse. “Hey..” He said, sounding a little shy but it was probably just because he was tired.

“Hi!” You said a little too excited. You immediately wished you could reword what you said a little calmer.

“So, uh..” He began, “Could I possibly get your number? For Among Us games I mean?” He didn’t sound too sure of himself but him asking this made you beam with excitement.

“Of course.” You said calmer than before, “But I don’t know what help I’d be as I’m terrible at this game.” You giggled.

You typed in chat your number, your fingers shaking slightly. “Nah, I liked playing with you.” He said more confident, “You make it more fun. Even though I haven’t ever spoken to you before.” He chuckled. You smiled at his words. Butterflies formed in your stomach hearing him laugh.

You and Corpse chatted a bit more until he decided he should go, but you wished you guys could have kept talking the whole night. You felt this connection with him that you couldn’t put into words. It felt so easy for you to talk to him and you didn’t feel as nervous around him as the others you met today. There was something so calming about him that washed your fears away. You shook your head from the thoughts and told yourself that you just met him today, you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself but it was hard not to.

You were laying in your bed scrolling through twitter when you got a text.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

hey its corpse

is this (Y/N)?

Your heart skipped a beat. You were excited Corpse texted you so fast, hoping you two could continue talking.

You

That’s me!

I thought you were going to sleep?

Corpse🥺🖤

nah i hardly ever sleep i just left because i didnt want to keep you up

i really enjoyed playing with you

You

I enjoyed playing with you too

We should play together again soon

Corpse🥺🖤

definitely

You’ve begun to become really good friends with Corpse over the past week. You and him would facetime each other whenever you could. You always were on facetime with him, actually. Whenever you were studying, you guys were talking. Whenever he was editing, you guys were talking. When you were about to go to bed, you guys were talking. 

Right now, you guys were facetiming as you were studying for an upcoming exam and he was trying to stay awake. You liked having him around when you were studying even if it was through a phone. You didn’t feel pressured to talk or have to worry about an awkward silence with him. It was comfortable silence.

You started to worry that you were keeping him up, though. “You can go to bed if you want,” You said softly as you looked up from your textbook to the black screen propped up against a few books. “ I don’t want to keep you up. You need some rest.”

“No..” He muttered, “I like having you around..”

“I like having you around too Corpsie but we can talk when you wake up.” You told him a little sternly in an effort to convince him to go to bed.

“Can I ask you something?” He asked out of the blue.

You paused before answering and shifted your gaze to the black screen once again. “Yeah sure, go ahead.” 

“Do you want to maybe stay over here for a bit?” He asked, “Whenever you’re free, I mean. If you don’t want to I get that too I just feel so drawn to you I want you closer to me. Is that weird? I’m sorry if that’s weird. Actually, forget I said-”

“I’d love to come over.” You told him with a smile. “When would you want me to be there?”

“As soon as possible.” He said in his raspy, tired voice. Butterflies formed in your stomach and you felt your heart skip a beat. This man was something else.

“I can be over there in the morning..” You start, “I just have to pack and everything. Is it okay if I bring Royal? I don’t want to leave him with my sister.” You look over to Royal sleeping peacefully on your bed, snoring away.

“Hell yeah!” Corpse exclaimed, “I love animals! Bring him over.” You giggled at his excitement.

Corpse ended up falling asleep soon after and you ended the call. As you were getting ready for bed you began to think of what Corpse’s place would be like and what you guys would do. You were definitely going to show him Stardew Valley, that was for sure. You pondered the thought of you finally confessing to him that you wanted to be not just his friend, but girlfriend. You’ve been wanting to do it for awhile now but you get too scared and end up chickening out, so you figured if he liked you like you like him, he’d make the first move. You started to make up scenarios in your head about finally hanging out with Corpse in person as you drifted off to sleep, hearing Royal snoring peacefully in the background.

It was the next morning and as soon as you woke up you changed into your favorite outfit and began to pack. You didn’t know how long you were staying for but you decided to pack about 2 weeks worth of clothes just to be on the safe side. Royal was sitting on the floor watching you as you hurried from your closet to the suitcase on your bed. You were happily humming as you were excited about the day. You heard your phone buzz and you quickly grabbed it from your bed as you saw the name pop up on the screen.

Corpse🥺🖤

hey :) 

heres the address:

You

Thanks! and hello 😊

You two texted until you were ready to go. You were definitely NOT looking forward to driving two and a half hours from LA to San Diego but you were so excited to see Corpse that the dread of the long car ride washed away.

You put Royal into his harness and plopped him in the back seat. He looked at you confused since he rarely ever gets to go for rides in the car. “We’re going to see a friend!” You tell him while petting his head. He then laid down and began to close his eyes.

After what seemed like forever you were finally outside Corpse’s apartment. You grabbed Royal and attached his leash to his harness and then proceeded to grab your giant (and heavy) suitcase out of the trunk. You struggled getting the suitcase up the apartment building stairs but you managed. You felt a sense of relief that his apartment building had an elevator so you didn’t have to deal with more stairs. The ones at the entrance were enough. While you were waiting for the elevator to take you to his floor you took this opportunity to text him.

You

On my way up!

Almost immediately after you sent it he read it. He started typing but the three dots quickly disappeared. Before you could question it the elevator doors opened to his floor. “Come on, Bud!” You said to Royal and motioned for him to go ahead. Royal got up from his sitting stance and lead the way. After passing 2 other doors, you were at Corpse’s. You knocked two times.

You heard shuffling on the other side and the door knob turning shortly after. Before you knew it, Corpse was in front of you. His eyes were looking at yours. You immediately smiled. “Hi.” Corpse said with a slight smile as well.

“Hi..” You said shyly. You didn’t know how to react now that he was in front of you and not behind a screen. He stepped aside and motioned for you to come inside. You entered his apartment and set your suitcase by the couch. Royal was pawing at Corpse’s leg, begging for pets.

“Aww, hi buddy!” Corpse said excitedly. “He’s so well behaved.” Corpse was talking to you now.

“Yeah, it took work though.” You laughed slightly. “Your place is really nice.” You said as you looked around. You noticed all of his mirrors were covered up, but you decided not to ask him about that. He probably had his reasons.

“Thank you.” Corpse said as he looked at you. “You look pretty.”

You blushed and turned your head away from him so he couldn’t see your pink cheeks. “Thank you.”

Corpse cleared his throat, “So uh, I don’t have a guest bedroom so I’ll take the couch for however long you want to stay.”

You quickly shot your head at him. “No no no I’m not letting you sleep on the couch in your own apartment.” You argued with him.

“Well, I’m not letting you sleep on the couch.” Corpse stated.

“Then we’ll share your bed.” You said with a shrug and headed towards his room to set your suitcase down, Royal following closely behind you. You didn’t see anything wrong with it. You and Rae share one whenever you guys sleep over at each other’s house and you thought this was no different

“O-okay.” He responded and quickly followed after you, “So, this is my room.” he said as you and him both entered.

“I like it!” You exclaimed as you looked around. You liked how dark it was in there. You smiled at him and he smiled back at you. That smile.. You thought and quickly fumbled with your suitcase as you set it down by his closet. Corpse came closer to you.

“Can I give you a hug?” Corpse said a little shyly, as if I’d say no.

“Of course!” You said and wrapped your arms around his neck. He was taken aback but quickly put his hands around your waist. You caught a whiff of his mild cologne which made you want to stay in the hug a little longer. You didn’t want to be weird though and pulled away from the embrace.

“I’m really happy you’re here.” He said as he looked into your eyes. I could kiss him right now, oh my God. Your mind raced, but you managed to get out some words.

“I am, too.” You said.

It’s only been about a day since you’ve been over at Corpse’s. Sharing the bed seems to be no big deal as he barely seems to sleep. You so far liked being there with him.

Right now, you were on the phone with an overly excited Rae.

“You’re at his HOUSE?!” She yelled excitedly in your ear. Your face cringed a little bit from the yelling.

“Yeah,” You told her, “He has a really nice place.” You said as you scanned his living room.

“I knew you guys would hit it off!” Rae said, “I should be a matchmaker or something.” You blushed at her comment.

“Nothing’s happened yet.” You said quietly, not wanting Corpse to hear you.

“Girl, you’re at his house.” Rae said in a obvious tone. You rolled your eyes.

“This could just mean he likes having me over as a FRIEND.” You told her. You were hoping that wasn’t the case though and Corpse did have feelings for you. You smiled at the thought.

“You are so oblivious.” Rae said with a sigh, “Anyway, I gotta go workout. Love ya! Hope everything goes well!” She said the last part in her sing songy voice.

“Love you too!” You said back and ended the call. What do I do now? You thought. Corpse was streaming so you couldn’t hangout with him right now and your physics class isn’t till a few hours. You were hungry, though, and decided to cook some lunch for you and Corpse. It’ll be a nice surprise for him. You smiled at the thought.

You made your delicious Dorito taco salad that you love so much. You made a bowl for Corpse as well and took it to his room where he resided. He didn’t seem to be streaming anymore and was just scrolling through Twitter on his computer.

“I come with food!” You say as you place the bowl down in front of him. You seem to have startled him as he jumped slightly when you spoke. He examined the bowl suspiciously.

“What is this?” He says cautiously of your creation.

“It’s Dorito taco salad.” You explain, “It has crushed up Doritos, of course, shredded chicken, lettuce, olives, and sour cream in it.” He seemed to be skeptical of it, which was a given every time you made it for someone new, but people ended up loving it when they tasted it. You were confused as to how many people found it weird since your mom made it for you when you were a kid a ton, so you were used to the delicious lunch dish.

“Okay.” He said and took a bite of it. His eyes lit up. “Oh my god, this is so good!” He exclaimed and took another bite. You giggled with excitement that he loved it like you did.

You both ate together and laid down on the bed as you talked about random things that were going on in your lives. You guys were laughing at a joke Corpse said until Corpse got serious.

“I have to tell you something.” Corpse said and looked into your eyes.

“Okay,” You said confused, “Go ahead.”

He took a deep breath. “I like you.” He confessed, “Like, romantically. I have for awhile now actually and I don’t know what it is about you and I thought I was done with love but you make me feel so happy and different from anyone else I’ve talked to. You don’t have to feel the same way but I couldn’t keep my feelings in for any longer.”

You paused for a moment. Is this actually happening? Are you in a dream? “I like you too, Corpse.” You say softly. His eyes beam with excitement..

“Really?” He asks.

You laugh at his bewilderment. “Yes, really!”

He tackles you in a hug on the bed. You giggle from his excitement. He’s on top of you and he lifts his head up from your neck to look you in the eyes. You get a rush of emotions as you see the care and love in his eyes as he’s looking at you.

You blurt out what you were thinking in that exact moment. “Kiss me.”

He leans in and kisses you softly. One hand is holding him up on the bed as the other is cupping your cheek. You take one hand and tangle it in his hair. This causes him to deepen the kiss with you. The kiss turns rough. You’re both so in the moment you don’t want to come up for air but you guys manage to keep going by taking in air when your lips part for brief moments. The hand that was cupping your cheek is now next to your head, taking the responsibility of holding him up. The other hand is trailing up and down your thigh, squeezing your thigh tightly ever so often. You eventually break the heated kiss and look up at him. You were hoping he could see the love you had for him in your eyes.

“I liked that.” You say smiling.

He chuckled at your words. “I like it too.”

[sashannarcy]

hi op what are your thoughts on uhhhh *spins wheel* sasha's season 2b arc (hope that's not too broad a subject)

edit: putting this under a cut bc it got LONG but. enjoy (???)

okay I gotta start by saying I didn't expect the depth of it at ALL; I knew Sash was featured prominently in the ending episodes of s2 based off of what my friend informed me, but like. I was not expecting 4.5 episodes to be almost ENTIRELY centered on their character arc and design (the .5 being the first half of True Colors).

that being said, I think Sash's 2b arc is PHENOMENAL bc of the way the nuance in it is written so incredibly well. this character is about to perform the most antagonistic move that they've pulled in the whole series so far, which is the act of betraying both Anne and Marcy in order to support Grime and get them home safe, if they so choose to go home (as an aside, I think at this point Sash has probably decided that she likes it more in Amphibia than back home, and there's one line that I'll get to that seems to be VERYYYY indicative of that. and if this is the case, it makes sense to me why Sasha would want to help Grime at all and why they don't really seem quite eager to follow Anne and Marcy back home. but! important to note that they still give those two the choice to go back if they wish, because at the end of the day Sash loves them and wouldn't try to force them to stay). and yet we see!! this back and forth!! this FIGHT that's happening in their mind, the way there's a flash of guilt they express at the very end of The Third Temple directly after confirming to Grime that things are still going according to plan, their convo w Anne at the end of The Dinner, the entire plot arc of BotB, and ofc the Sashanne duel in True Colors. I want to make an analysis post for each of these episodes because they're so fucking PACKED w shit to analyze, but I'll try my best to touch on all points here.

obviously we first learn of Sasha's plans to betray Anne and Marcy in The Third Temple. but what's important is that throughout the entire episode, there's several points where Sash switches back and forth between manipulation and honesty. I can talk abt this w confidence just based off of the whole. *gestures vaguely at myself.* but Sasha's initial apology in this episode was sheer manipulation, I think we all know that. however, when Sasha has to do their final test in the temple, those few lines they exchange w Anne in the moments before they raise themself up off the floor and launch themself into battle... those were genuine. they know they've been a shitty friend, and they're willing to accept that. so you have this game, almost, where Sash keeps flipping between putting on a mask to ensure they can keep up their facade until Grime secures the city and genuinely acknowledging their behavior and knowing that what they are doing is not going to sit well w Anne and Marcy.

so with that, The Third Temple sets the premise for the rest of the episodes of the season as far as Sasha's character arc. The Dinner is such a good fucking episode to follow with, because it hammers in the fact that Sasha has not changed. what it ALSO hammers in is she is still acting in her own self-interest - to put it in her words, she wants to get the friendship back under control. they still lash out, they still have a short fuse, they're still heavily opinionated and rough around the edges and prickly because this is an environment where they feel threatened. they're finally reuniting with the two people that mean the absolute most to them, only to realize they've been left out of the narrative. also not for nothing, but their trauma in Reunion got joked about in this episode which led to them blowing up over it, and like. I'm giving that one a pass bc man. anyway. at the end of the episode they say they like who they are, but it's said with a frown, which I think is fucking GENIUS. because there's an actual meaning to this line - they don't ACTUALLY like who they are. we have plenty of evidence that they don't like themself. what they MEAN is that they don't want to change, because that would mean giving up a security that they need in order to keep themself together. AND THIS IS DEMONSTRATED CRYSTAL CLEAR IN BOTB. they literally PURPOSEFULLY detach themself from Anne and Marcy bc they know they want control but they ALSO know that their behavior is just going to hurt the other two, so instead of compromising, they just go hey I'm gonna do my thing and you guys can do yours. and we'll both get what we want. and if that's not evidence that this character is fucking GRAPPLING with how to grow and change as a person, idk what is

and then. sigh. we get to True Colors. ofc Sash goes through on their betrayal - they're loyal to a fucking T once you dig beneath the surface, and they wouldn't just not follow through for Grime. what is absolutely KEY here is the fact that they are still leaving room for their friends' best interests, as in they're not trapping them in Amphibia but rather explaining how they're gonna help Grime take over, implying they'll go back home once they're done, but if Anne and Marcy wanna go back now, that's cool. if she didn't give a fuck abt their wellbeing, she'd just keep them there w her. but she doesn't. and then Anne starts retaliating, and. well. we ALL know Sasha does NOT do well with criticism of any kind. so they just go okay I'll send you back now then (and this is STILL an action motivated by what they think is best for Anne). BUT THE LINE. OHHHH THE SUPER IMPORTANT LINE THAT MADE MY HEAD SNAP UP AND MADE ME PHYSICALLY GO "YIKES" OUT LOUD. is Sasha saying "say hi to your parents for me." it's like a goddamn full-on sucker punch packed into one sentence - seven words, and all of a sudden we know for sure this kid does not have a good home life. I could go into elaboration on Sasha and the way she views familial ties throughout the show, but I won't bc that's gonna take this already super long answer and make it even worse. regardless, Sasha has once again flipped the switch and is indulging in their worst behaviors, which is full on controlling and holding power to act on what THEY think is best in the moment. and the moment Anne snaps, the moment Anne yells about Sasha being a horrible person, literally EVERYTHING shifts and the reaction from Sasha is VISCERAL. and what I mean by that is. it's not just the look in their eyes at those words. it's not just the sudden and complete loss of meaning, of self, of motivation after they've lost Anne's support. it's not just the way they stare at their own reflection in a sword that represents the color of the person they're trying their hardest to protect. it's the way that for the rest of the goddamn episode, they spend it trying to do the one thing they fear the most: giving up control. I'm gonna elaborate on this whole aspect in a different ask bc I was asked abt it, but the way Sasha acts towards Anne after the fallout, especially at the beginning of the duel and during the confrontation w Andrias, is fucking monumental. they struggle so much with how to change their own behavior, yet the very moment they lose the support of the people they've been trying so hard to love and care for in their roundabout way, they can change the way they act. because who the fuck is Sasha Waybright without Anne Boonchuy and Marcy Wu? in her mind, no one. she doesn't have any idea of who she is outside of this, so ofc she can act differently when she's thrown out in the cold. after all, it doesn't take much to warp an identity that doesn't exist.

tldr; god. how do I sum this up. Sash's 2b arc is smth that's incredibly intricate and complex from the way they constantly flip between desperately needing control and feeling guilty that this is the way they need to live. and True Colors is able to finally demonstrate to us the final piece in how they operate - without their friends, they lose sense of who they are, and their personality comes undone. in 4.5 episodes the writers managed to give us 1000 aspects to their character that we hadn't gotten to explore, and we can see that Sasha was never meant to be the villain. so. final review is that's some good shit👍

[ggukkiedae]

[vlive 210522] Seri’s Seritonin 🥝🐱

9pm kst

italics = english; seri answering questions!

the vlive starts with seri logging on and waving

she’s playing new rules in the background and staying quiet for the first two minutes

“moa! how are you all?”

she smiles and reads through the comments

she reads a few out loud and sees a few comments asking her to say i love you in different languages, to which she complies to

she turns off her music first and fixes herself in her chair

“bet you guys are wondering why i’m live today, huh? we’ll get to that in a bit. for now, let’s answer questions”

she looks through the comments carefully until she reads one out loud

Seriiiiiii! 5 Beomgyus or 5-year-old Beomgyu?

she laughs at this

“maybe a five year old bammie. he always makes a big deal of being older than me by a few months, so it would be good pay back”

she then pulls out her phone and scrolls through it before turning it towards the screen. it was a picture of beomgyu as a kid

“see this? he sent this to our groupchat the other day. tiny gyu is cute”

how are youuuuuu?

she claps her hands together and smiles at the live

“i’m doing great, thank you! i’ve been practicing harder, and i feel pretty good”

she scrolls through the comments again and takes a sip of her drink. she lightly mixes her drink around and places it back down

“you guys should try peach tea. it’s a godsend. oh, what’s this?”

shall we go on a date?

“you didn’t turn up at our last date”

she pouted a little and laughed

“i waited at the rooftop for a while, but you didn’t show up! but i guess we can go again because you’re moa”

she shifts a little and shakes her head amusedly at her own words

“do i sound like gyu?”

Hi Seri! I have a couple questions 😊 What has been your favorite era music wise and style wise? What hair style/color do you want to try? What's your current favorite song? What are you looking forward to most?

her eyes widened a little before she looks up trying to come up with answers to the series of questions

“oh, wow, i guess you could say i really liked our songs from the minisode album, but my favorite title track is run away for sure. actually, i take that back. i like the songs on dream chapter magic the most! in terms of style... dream chapter magic as well! i really like new rules’ styling especially”

a small smile makes its way to her face as she’s about to answer the last question from that comment

“right now, i’m really looking forward to our new album, and i hope you’ll like it as well! so far, the tracks are amazing!”

any plans for a comeback with the royals?

“i don’t know” she laughs and looks off camera “what do you think?”

yoonmi’s giggle can be heard while seri just laughed

“you exposed me! anyway, we’ll see when the three of us get an opportunity again” “you guys heard yoonmi”

seri takes the live and points it to the side, revealing the magenta-haired girl peacefully sitting in the dance studio near her while working on something on her laptop

“yoonmi is working on school stuff even if she just released a song yesterday” “responsibilities”

Seri baby are you aware that Seri sounds like berry? Therefore you are now berry Seri or Seri Berry 🤔

“oh, that’s cute! seri berry... i love it! i’m a berry now! i can replace strawberries, i don’t like strawberries”

she wrinkled her nose at the thought of the red berries as the sound of a chair moving came up. seri looked off camera and waved to, supposedly, yoonmi

“yoonmi has a meeting right now, so she’s off. anyway, back to our live”

Hiya Seri how are you liking the new building? What do you think has changed the most about you since you became an idol? And out of the members who do you think has changed most since you debuted?

“the new building is actually the best thing ever, i swear! there’s a lot of space, and the facilities are all high quality! honestly, i’m the only txt member who doesn’t get lost, so it’s pretty funny when the others have to ask for my help to walk around”

she then pressed her lips into a tight line while thinking about her next answer

“since becoming an idol... i think i became more confident. the others tell me this a lot. they say every comeback my stage presence gets better, and i look more comfortable? i also became a better dancer for sure. not the best yet, but i’m working on it. also maybe kai? first of all, he’s gotten way taller now. second, he’s been more mature. yes, he’s still our baby, but he handles things a lot more maturely now. sometimes he acts like he’s older than me as well”

hi bestieeeeeee! what do you think you’d be doing if you weren’t an idol?

“hey, bestie! musical theatre for sure!”

seri immediately perked up at this. she jumped back in her seat a little with the biggest grin while remembering her experiences

“i loved it back in school! honestly, my parents were pretty supportive about my involvement in theatre and my little brother kinda brags to his friends that his sister goes on stages to perform. it’s kinda cute”

would you consider acting? or maybe starring in a musical?

“oh for sure if i were given the chance!”

you dance amazingly! your artist of the month video with studio choom was absolutely perfect!!!!

“oh my god”

she covered her face and groaned before pulling out her phone and looking for the video on youtube. before pressing play, she looked back to the camera

“thank you, but i’m a little embarrassed about this. i wore red lipstick on stage for the first time after debut, and i showed a side of me that’s pretty different…”

she pressed play and watched the video, cringing at herself. it took a whole 20 seconds before she gave up and hid her phone behind her

“nope. nevermind, i can’t watch that. thank you, i’m glad you enjoyed it”

thoughts on the people you’re being shipped with? 👀

she burst into laughter upon reading this

“ah, yes. shipping. i see you guys on stan twitter with your little edits and headcanons and aus! honestly, it’s amusing. apparently most of you ship me with gyu and seungmin? and a few other people, too?”

she was quiet for a while like thinking about who moas shipped her with. she shook her head with and began talking again

“gyu... well, bammie’s my best friend, and i love him a lot. it’s been us from the very beginning, so i like to think we’ll be as close as ever until the end”

“seungmin is the bane of my existence”

she laughed at this before waving her hand

“kidding! he’s actually really nice, and i love hanging out with him, it just so happens our friendship is based on bickering. we do support each other though. seungmin, if you see this, you did well on love poem”

she then lit up as if just remembering something

“some of you guys ship me with chaeryoung! interesting considering you all see me as ryujin’s sibling, but please, i’m not worthy of the queen herself. i love chae with all my heart honestly she’s such a sweet child”

her phone buzzed and she glanced at it a little bit before turning back to the live

“perfect timing because hyunsuk just messaged me and some special ship mentions are hyunsuk and jeno oppa. i think it’s because i hang out with hyunsuk’s little siblings a lot. but jeno oppa? we just met earlier this year, it’s a little funny how apparently a lot of people ship us when we haven’t really shown our friendship much”

she typed something one her phone before chuckling and shutting it off once again. she looked through the comments until she found the topic she was looking for

What’s up with you and Dino? 👀👀👀

“ah, this. this brings me to the reason i went live. recently, you guys have seen me and dino oppa hanging out, right? well, we’re not dating. i wanted it to be a surprise, but he’s helping me with something for my birthday, and i agreed to do something with him for their youtube as well”

her phone rang, and she laughed before picking it up and putting it on speaker

“hello? you’re on speaker” “seri-yah! how dare you deny our relationship?” “oh? you’re watching?” “look up, stupid. i’m standing by the door”

she looked off camera and laughed

“yah! oppa, what are you doing here?” “miya told me you were gonna talk about the scandal, so i thought why not come early?”

dino appears next to seri in a mask and a hat. he nudged seri over to the side so they could both be centered on screen, making her raise her eyebrow at him

“meet my new dance partner” dino points towards seri whose eyes widen as soon as he said that

“they don’t know yet!” “you said we were working on two things together!” “but they didn’t know one of them is dance!” “might as well tell them so we can clear up this rumor before i get attacked by moas”

she sighed at him

“i’d get attacked by carats. anyway, fine. dino oppa’s helping me with a song, and he’s making me dance with him for a video. you can look forward to this in july”

dino adjusted his hat and leaned forward a little

“no need to panic, we’re not in a romantic relationship. she’s too tall for me”

“... you’re literally taller than me though?” “not by that much. if you wear heels, we’d be the same height, and i don’t think i’m up for that”

she playfully rolled her eyes

“looks like i’ve discussed what needed to be cleared up now. i’m single. single.” “yes, they get the point” “oh, would you just go already?”

she was pretending to push him away while he laughed at her failed attempts. he moved off camera but stays in the room

“no way, we’ve got to work the choreography out today”

“this is gonna be a while,” she muttered before smiling at the live once again “well, time for me to go. i’ve got a lot of work to do to be on par with a member of seventeen’s performance team”

dino’s groaning could be heard from the side

“this again?”

she laughed

“bye moa! hopefully that cleared things up, and hopefully you enjoyed this little tmi session”

-end-

[athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit]

Of Ice and Blood

Part 4

Welcome back! Hope you enjoy✨

Pairing: Tai'chi Kashharzol (Orc) x Pearl Blackbell (Human OC/Reader)

Warnings: Violence, cursing, shouting, and fighting. No blood mention. Just broken bones and stuff.

2.1k+ words [originally 1.6k but I revised it and added more details!]

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 5 Part 6

Sensing another one behind me, I went low and struck his leg with mine, using his fall to punch his chin with my right fist this time, being careful to use a controlled amount of force or else the nerve I hit will result to permanent brain injury and can be fatal.

I got up, swift in my actions as I saw the guy with a raised baseball bat heading towards me from my left flank, and the other one from the right, fast.

On reflex, I leaned back, the bat that was aimed at me hitting his comrade on the shoulder instead. Guy's lucky, actually. He would have suffered internal bleeding if it bashed the side of his skull.

Four down, two to go.

I took my stance once again to ready myself. This dude was a foot taller than me, with muscles packed with raw strength, but even so, pale in comparison to Tai'chi's p—

Stop thinking that! Focus!

"Smash her head Dan!" The man behind him yelled.

This 'Dan' went straight to me with his bat raised with intent once more.

Breathe in.

Everything slowed down. I let my heart rate decelerate, my hearing sharpened, my sense of smell heightening even further.

I closed my eyes, letting the rest of my senses take over. Years of practice, days of pain from training, each motion engraved to my entire body with purpose. To defend not only myself, but also those who are looked down upon, discriminated and stepped on like dirt. My parents had always taught me to defend myself. Me. Don't get me wrong, my parents are good people, albeit wary of the other races in our community. But the moment I left the roof of my home, I knew it was time for me to defend someone other than myself. I don't give a damn about where we come from or what kind of blood flows within our veins. I will protect those who need protecting, and set anyone straight and down to the ground when they deserve it.

Breathe out.

At the last few moments, with my eyes still shut, I changed my form. I followed his aura and pictured out the shape that was drawing up to land a serious blow to my head. Dan is solid and heavy, but everyone has at least one weakness. And this guy is not spared from that.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

I opened my right fist, right foot forward and relaxed my arms, my legs serving as a firm foundation for my upper body. With the bat inches away from me, I smoothly dodged to the side, using my palm to push away the hand holding the weapon and punched a vital pressure point right under his bicep.

I bent my legs even lower and struck the center of his ribs with my thumb, closing my hands as I jabbed his sciatic nerve on each side at the same time, both located in the middle line of the thigh between the groin and the knee. A solid blow to those nerve points will cause intense pain and shock to the person, along with a temporary immobility of the feet.

a/n: Self defense 101! Remember that dear readers♥

With the support of my left leg, I went behind the man, standing straight and proud. Calm, I opened my eyes when I heard his fall, staring right into the fearful ones of the moron that started all of this.

"Y-You- You killed them!"

Is he that dumb?

"Correction, I didn't. I knocked them unconscious is all. And the fellow that attacked me first? Well, he passed out from the pain of his now funny-looking arm." I stated flatly as I trudged to where he was standing.

"S-Stay away from me! Monster! Freak!" He stumbled, his ass on the ground and away from me until he felt a tree trunk on his back.

I scoffed and withdrew my knuckle dusters back under my baggy sleeve.

"You wanna know who the real monster is?" I stopped and held him in place with my scrutinizing gaze. He was trembling like a wimp at this point.

"It's you.

"You and your disgusting racist friends.

"You, along with all the people who view and treats anyone other than humankind as lowlifes and pests that are meant to be squished and eradicated from the society.

"No, it's you, and the ones who have the same mentality as you, who are monsters under the guise of a human."

I paused, not even blinking as I bore holes into his skull.

"I am human, down to every inch of my being. But unlike you, I respect and treat everyone, regardless of kind or gender, and to those who deserve it, fair and right."

Before I could continue, I scented new people coming into the scene. It was the teaching staff, along with the uni's guard.

Shocked of what they have seen, they turned towards me, angry, surprised, confused expressions on different faces.

"What have you done?!" A female, human instructor, looking to be around her late 20s shouted.

"Ma'am, if you would just let me explain—"

"You are hereby expelled from this institution, young lady!"

All the color of my skin left me as I heard the words I have dreaded even before I set foot in the campus grounds.

"Now let's not go straight to conclusions. We need to deal with this professionally AND properly Miss Holson. You are also not in authority to suspend this student." A heavily bearded dwarven professor, clad in a brown suit and Oxfords, told her off firmly.

"What are you saying Mr. Dulrik? Look at her! Look at this! She murdered students and oh my God, is that the dean's son?!"

For the love of— she blind? Why does everybody think I killed someone???

"Ma'am they are—" I was about to tell her but got cut off, again!

"Helpmehelpmehelpme!" He scrambled away from me and ran to the group of teachers and hugged the young instructor. "I don't know what came over her! She just attacked us out of nowhere!"

The audacity of this fucking bitch!

"Pardon me? Attacked you? YOU were the one who followed me out here! You and your" —I gestured to the bodies laying flat on the ground— " buddies over there!"

"She is lying! The orc was with her and and and—"

It dawned on me that I almost forgot about Tai'chi. My eyes widened, and I frantically scanned the area around for him. And there he was, standing by the oak tree, right where I told him not to move.

He seemed...irritated?

Oh no. At me?

"I have not moved an inch from where I am standing ever since I planted my feet here." He said with his deep baritone voice, turning to confront the staff. "What she's speaking is the truth. They were the ones who followed her here and attacked her, first."

"And how can we be sure you are telling the truth, orc?" Miss Holson replied spitefully.

Even the teacher, huh? Her odor smells like vomit. I mean, I knew she was...foul, but I thought it was because of the situation. Guess not.

Tai'chi did not respond. Instead, he moved to look at me in the eyes. His gaze, searching, but not in an awful way. Was he asking me what I'll do?

"How about we discuss this in the office, shall we?" An elderly professor spoke. She was wearing the university's formal teaching uniform together with black, flat, closed toe sandals. "And Miss Holson, please quiet down. As Mr. Dulrik said, we should not jump into baseless conclusions."

Miss Holson fumed and shut her mouth, holding the coward in her arms.

"Now then, Miss...?"

"Blackbell."

The woman paused. I caught a smell of surprise and... astonishment?

She cleared her throat "Well, then Miss Blackbell, please follow us to the Dean's office, along with your, companion."

Weird.

"Oh and Mr. Smith, kindly call for assistance and take the unconscious students to the infirmary to be treated and looked unto. Thank you." She told the guard. With that, she and the rest of the faculty started walking back.

I glanced at Tai'chi once more to find him, again, staring. I approached him warily, expecting him to be mad at me.

"Uh. Hi?"

I let out a long exhale when he replied, with a slight tug of his lips, his tusk jutting out. "Hi."

I fidgeted, trying to come up with words to explain myself.

"I uh, uhm. Are you mad?"

With his brow raised, "Why would I be?"

Yeah why would he be?

"I-I never told why I keep wearing my mask." I stuttered, "You see I—"

"You two! Start moving before I force you to." A teacher yelled at us from a distance.

"We'll talk later, Pearl. For now let's get this resolved first. I know for a fact that they won't expel you unless they ignore the ill intentions of the ones who attempted to harm you first. But better be safe than sorry, he was the dean's son afterall."

"Yeah... Thanks. We should.. go." I turned and started walking along his side.

******pov shift for a bit*******

Little did Pearl know, he was thinking about how...nice, yeah that's the word, definitely not sexy, you were when he witnessed your skills in combat. It awakened something in him that it took a lot of control not to get aroused there and then, which was the real reason why he stood there, unmoving from his place. Not once did he leave his eyes from you, almost jumping to help you when the guy with the baseball bat was closer than we would have liked. But oh no, he was not surprised, he was astonished and shookt , amazed when you pulled that last technique, sending the human plummeting to the ground almost soundlessly. And the way you stood right after, he knew he was smitten. That proud and intense aura you gave off was enough to make him bow down at your feet. He could feel it. He could smell it. That was his secret, he can scent people and catch any mood shift they make. Even though he told her that her eyes and brows gave it away, it was not entirely true as he could smell, literally, you and the changes on your scent.

Oh but little did he know you could to. Just not as observant as he is.

:>

*******************************

Wow— when I copy pasted the original thing from my notes to my drafts in Tumblr I was like "okay, so. I should read it AGAIN before I post it if I wanna avoid more unnoticed mistakes and keep editing it again and again even though I posted it already! " And I never though it would lead me to adding almost a half thousand words and a pov shift— which i found interesting and really nice! Should I do it more often? Like little inserts of what Tai'chi or another characters thoughts in second pov in between fics if necessary? It's just, nice, to put them in and write all out about what they were thinking outside of Pearl's pov! Let me know what you think and I hope you enjoyed reading❤

Tags: @kokokatsworld @crackinanutshell

[artificialqueens]

You Light a Fire in My Heart (Rosénali) - Moonshot

A/N: I wasn’t expecting to write a follow-up to the first diner au this fast but I’ve genuinely fallen in love with the little au verse I’ve created. For context, this is set about a year after the events of ‘On The Ground’, and it spans across three months (March, April, and May). Flashbacks are in italics, and I hope you enjoy it x

Summary: The time(s) Rosé tried to be the best girlfriend to her Nali

Also on Ao3

-

If you had told Rosé a year ago that she would be dating one of the most amazing girls she’d ever met in her life, she would have believed you. Who wouldn’t want to date a fine bonnie lass like her?

What she wouldn’t have believed would have been that she was admittedly a tiny bit jealous of her girlfriend’s crush for a K-pop singer that shared her name.

Rosé was working on her laptop, busy mixing a track she had recorded with Jan and Lagoona when Denali had walked into the living room.

“OH MY GOD! I just finished watching Blackpink’s interview with James Corden and Rosé’s got the CUTEST accent! Her Aussie accent is so sexy too…” she remembered her girlfriend saying as she walked into her living room, her eyes glued to the phone in her hand.

“Hey!”, the pink-haired girl puffed out, “my Scottish accent is sexy too!”

Denali looked up, her left brow raised, “Says who?”, she asked teasingly.

“…My grandma”, Rosé replied unconvincingly, causing her girlfriend to laugh out loud.

“My Rosie is so cute when she’s jealous!”, she sing-sang, stamping a sloppy kiss on the older girl’s cheek.

“I’m not!”, she huffed as the black-haired girl sat next to her on the couch.

“You know she’s not my favorite in the group. Wanna know why?” Denali asked, draping her arms around Rosé’s neck.

“Why?”.

“Because you’ll always be my favorite Rosie”, she whispered in her girlfriend’s ear.

Rosé was sure her cheeks were matching colors with the shade of pink of her hair.

“Cheesy bitch”, she muttered as Denali hid her face in the crook of her neck.

“Yours truly”.

She remembered letting her girlfriend rest on her chest, the sweet strawberry scent of Denali’s shampoo filling her nose as she tried to focus on the track she was working on. 

However, another thought was buzzing in her head. 

The brunette’s birthday - the first one since they had started dating - was coming up soon and Rosé had absolutely no idea what to get her. 

Dedicating her a song, while definitely in her range, was too obvious of a gift. She really wanted to surprise her, to give her something she would remember for years to come.

With less than a month to the date, Rosé decided to go to the very familiar diner to pick up something quick to eat before going to grab the equipment she needed for her weekly set across the street. 

As she walked up to the register to pay up after having grabbed some pastries, she couldn’t help but notice the absence of a familiar face. She was sure Denali was set to be on shift at that hour.

Her attention was drawn back to the guy behind the counter.

“Hey, gorge! Looking for me?”, Mik asked as he took the pastry bag from the pink-haired girl.

Rosé rolled her eyes playfully, “Hey to you too, Mik,” she replied as she took out some cash, “Sorry to burst your bubble, short king, I was just wondering where my lovely girlfriend is”.

The shorter guy shrugged, “Your loss. I’m always open for a tall glamazon like you, gorge”, he winked before presenting her the receipt, “it will be 4,99$ for that, and also Nali was allowed to go home early by Miss Iman because she was trying to get tickets for some concert, I think?”

Rosé gave a little nod of acknowledgment and was handing over the cash when a voice caught her attention.

“Oh, no!”, both Mik and Rosé turned their head to another of the diner staff, Olivia, who was looking down at her phone pouting, “Nali just texted me saying that the Blackpink show in Chicago she wanted to go to sold out before she was able to get a standing ticket and the VIP ones are too expensive for her! Oh, poor baby Nali”.

“What other tour dates are they doing?” the singer asked, an idea forming in her head.

The other girl furrowed her brows, trying to remember, “Well, Nali wanted to go to the Chicago one with some of her friends there, that one was in mid-May. If I’m not mistaken, they are doing one in Newark at the end of May, and then the other ones are down south and on the west coast as well? Pretty big tour from what she has told me”.

“Wow, that’s an impressive gig,” Rosé commented, genuinely surprised.

She grabbed the paper bag from the counter, waving goodbye to the two employees, “Well, divas, I’ll leave you to do your jobs. Thanks for the info, I guess my set has to be delayed a bit to deliver these to my girl, and hope to cheer her up a bit, wish me luck!” 

The other two waved her off as she exited the diner. 

The pink-haired girl grabbed her phone from her purse and quickly texted Jan and Lagoona to meet her at her place after her set. 

Maybe she had just found the perfect birthday present for her Nali.

Rosé and Lagoona were sitting at the kitchen table, the Scottish girl’s computer between them open on the ticketing site while Jan was busy gushing with her girlfriend over the phone in the living room.

The blue-haired girl stared at the laptop, clicking her tongue, “Is that the VIP price for both…?”

“Nope, just one. I could afford to get only one VIP ticket for her so she’ll get to enjoy it all by herself”, Rosé replied.

“Holy shit, I fucking wish you were this in love with me to spend that much money for my birthday!” Lagoona commented jokingly before noticing a small detail, “Wait, did you see the date of the concert?”

The pink-haired girl nodded, “Yes, I am aware that the concert happens to be on my birthday. However, this is an opportunity I can’t let Nali give up on,” she reasoned, “Also, I plan on spending many more birthdays with her, so her spending mine doing something she loves makes me happy as well”.

Lagoona shot up and started reaching for kitchen drawers, seemingly looking for something.

“Can I know what the fuck are you doing?”, Rosé asked, arching her manicured brow.

“Looking for a whip because you’re fucking whipped for the girl! I can’t believe it!”, her best friend cackled, actively avoiding the kitchen towel thrown at her.

“Oh, fuck you, bitch!”, the pink-haired girl said in return, unable to hide her own grin at the situation.

At that moment, their purple-haired friend entered the room, saying her goodbyes over the phone before she sat down on the opposite side of Rosé.

“Oh look, who decided to join us!” Lagoona teased as she sat back next to the Scottish girl, “how was the call with the sugar mommy?”

Jan blushed furiously, “Shush, you two! Jackie’s not my sugar mommy! She just… happens to be richer and older than me. Also, she called me because she’s stressed from organizing this big event in May and needed some advice!”, she blurted out, only causing the other two to laugh even harder.

“Yeah, sure whatever you say, Stuntalina the sugar baby. C’mon, I’ve got a new piece I wrote for us to show you!”, Rosé said as she closed the ticket receipt.

She opened her music editing program, pressed play on the last recorded file.

While her best friends were busy enjoying the new song she produced, Rosé checked her phone to find a new text from Denali.

10:52 PM:

thank u so much for the pastries, I really needed them today. You always know how to cheer me up. Goodnight my Rosie <3

The singer smiled. 

She couldn’t wait to show Denali her birthday present.

Denali was lying down on the couch, her eyes on her best friend - and soon-to-be ex-roommate - as she packed the last few things she needed to move out.

“I still can’t believe you’re moving out,” the brunette pouted, “You’re leaving me allllll aloooooooneeeee”, she said dramatically.

“Nali, you’re acting as if I’m moving across the country”, Olivia chuckled, “I’m literally moving in with Utica and Symone, and they live across the street”.

The Alaskan skater threw her head back, “So close, yet so far”.

The younger girl rolled her eyes, reaching for a silver sharpie before throwing it to Denali, “Okay, miss Dramanali. Will you get your ass up and help me finish labeling these boxes?”

It took them a little over an hour to have most of Olivia’s things labeled and boxed, ready to be taken to their new home.

A bottle of soju later, they sat together on the couch in front of the TV as they ate some take-out for dinner, reminiscing of their time as roommates.

“It’s going to be weird to live alone,” Denali confessed as she took a piece of kimbap with her steel chopsticks, “We’ve been roommates ever since I literally moved in from Chicago. But I know it’s the right thing for you, you know”.

Olivia nodded, “I didn’t expect it to take this turn, I mean, I started it out a year ago single and now I’m dating not just one but two of the most awesome people I know?”

“I remember you being bummed when Utica started dating Symone. I sneaked out way too much ice cream from the diner to cheer you up, but look at you now, dating both Utica and Symone, moving in with them? You won the jackpot, Liv!”, the older girl replied, smacking her free hand against the other girl’s thigh.

“Girl, I could say the same about you and miss Rosie. All lovey-dovey, sweet kisses and I love you’s”, Olivia winked as she saw Denali’s cheeks take a pink tint.

“Actually…”, the skater confessed, “she technically hasn’t said the big L word out loud, not like that at least”.

Denali was sure Olivia’s eyes were about to pop out of their sockets, “WHAT?”

The brunette smiled shyly.

“It’s just… this past year everything has been so perfect with her and what if forcing her to say it will ruin that?”

“Nali, baby, the girl basically lives here. Do I have to remind you just how many times I’ve walked in on you two doing the whole devil’s tango while she looks at you like a lovesick puppy and you are worried about her not saying I love you back?”

The Alaskan girl tried to lighten the mood, “To our defense, you did say that you were spending the night out and that movie was very intense-”

“Nali…”

“I love her, Liv. Like really really love her. And I do see a future with her, but she is such a free spirit, someone who says and does things her own way and I’m worried that I’m going to scare her away,” Denali bit her lower lip, trying her best to not let the emotions get the best of her.

The younger girl took her hand, “Do you remember what I told you that day at the rink when you were scared to ask her out?”

“That you would unleash Kandy on her?”

They both chuckled.

“That’s still on the table if she breaks your heart,” Olivia replied honestly, holding Denali’s hand, “I told you to give it a chance. Tell her about how you feel your relationship is heading, and I got a feeling that she feels the same as you do”.

The two friends savored the moment, only the sound coming from outside the window to fill the void.

Denali was the first one to speak up after a couple of minutes of silence, “See? Who am I supposed to have those heart-to-heart conversations with if I’m alone? The wall?”

Olivia laughed out loud, “The cat lady that lives on the first floor sure seems like a good replacement for me!”

“Donut would run away before I could even let her in, girl”.

“True that,” she took another bite of her rice bowl before setting it down and getting up from the couch, “maybe, after you have your talk with your pink highlighter girlfriend in time for your birthday next week, she can babysit your pillow princess ass!” 

Denali’s mouth was wide open in shock but unable to restrain the laughter. 

“Liv! How dare you!” she said as the younger girl bolted into her room, prompting a not-so-sober chase.

They would totally be getting an angry noise complaint the next day.

Denali felt like her birthday went faster than she would have liked.

It had started with a call from her mom while her friends were trying to make her breakfast in bed - emphasis on trying - only to end up ordering delivery from the bakery two blocks down the street. 

Since she would have still had to work that day, they had opted to hang out at her place the night before, waiting up to midnight to wish her a happy birthday. 

What Denali was really looking forward to was the cute night-in her girlfriend had promised along with her mysterious birthday gift that was seemingly months in the making.

Having barely made it home from the diner, the brunette had just taken off her jacket and scarf when she heard a familiar knock pattern on her door.

She smiled as she was greeted by a small bouquet of forget-me-nots, a bag seemingly full of takeaway boxes, and a bottle of Rosé.

“Isn’t it cannibalism if you drink Rosé?” she teased, letting her girlfriend in the apartment and closing the door behind her.

“I’m letting that slide because it’s your birthday, baby,” the pink-haired girl replied as she set everything down on the kitchen counter.

Denali took a moment to take in how her Rosie looked.

The signature pink leather jacket was open to reveal a very deep low cut top that left close to nothing to the imagination. The black high-waisted jeans hugged her curves in a way that drove Denali crazy just to think about. 

“Liking the view, mama?”, Rosé’s smirk was one of the few things able to make her weak to her knees like that.

“You’re a tease-y bitch”

“Thank you for noticing”, she winked as she walked over to Denali and sneaked her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, towering over her thanks to the pumps she was wearing.

The brunette couldn’t help but smile as she wrapped her arms around Rosé’s neck, getting on her tippy toes to kiss her.

“Happy birthday, my angel”, she whispered against her lips before her strong arms picked Denali up with a small yelp from the younger girl.

“What about dinner?”, she chuckled.

“I’m in a mood to eat something else right now…”, Rosé simply said as she reconnected their lips and started taking her girlfriend to the familiar bedroom.

Denali lied with her head on Rosé’s chest like she always did after they slept together. She could fall asleep just with how the older girl was gently combing her hair with her fingers.

“Don’t fall asleep on me, mama. You still got my birthday gift to open up”, she whispered, making Denali chuckle.

“What? Wasn’t the mind-blowing sex your birthday present?” she teased.

She could feel Rosé smile against her hair, “Thanks for the ego boost, diva, but I think you’ll like the real present more”

She went to reach for the pink jacket on the floor, taking out an envelope and giving it to Denali.

“What is this?”

“Open it up and find out for yourself”

The brunette straightened herself, not caring about the sheets pooling at her waist, and opened the present.

She couldn’t believe her eyes.

“You’re kidding me?!”

“Well, it’s not my fault your birthday happens to be on April Fool’s day but it’s all real, angel”, Rosé smiled at her.

“Ahhh! VIP Tickets for Blackpink’s concert?! I love you!”, Denali blurted out and went on to hug her girlfriend.

When she felt the older girl get slightly stiff, she realized just what she had blurted out and did what she did best: she panicked.

“Oh gosh, sorry I didn’t-”

Rosé didn’t reply, just went on cupping her face to calm her down.

“Baby, it’s okay. Don’t ever feel sorry for how you feel”, she reassured, kissing her forehead, “I just… don’t have the best track record when it comes to being told those three little words. I know how strongly I feel about you. I just want to mean it 100% when I say it, okay?”

Denali nodded, not trusting her words as she knew how hard it was for her girlfriend to talk about her feelings.

Rosé tilted her head, “Now, let me snuggle my…”, she looked over Denali’s shoulder, the clock read 11:05 PM, “birthday girl for another hour”.

She went on to press her girlfriend’s body against hers. She let a couple of minutes pass, making sure that the shorter girl had calmed down.

“Sing me to sleep, Rosie?”, she heard the faintest voice coming from the younger girl, whose arms held her sides tightly.

“Anything for you, angel”.

Almost two months later, Denali couldn’t believe she was actually there, waiting under the smaller stage for the concert to begin.

The soundcheck had been overwhelming, she definitely had almost cried when the girls waved at her section of the crowd. She was sure Lisa was waving at her.

She had even managed to become friends with some of the other fans in the VIP section, having gone to the concert alone - she still was a bit sad that she was missing Rosé’s birthday but understood the argument that this was one in a lifetime opportunity that she couldn’t pass on. 

“I can’t believe how close we are to the stage!” one of the girls to Denali’s right, Sakura, commented, “Based on the videos from the other dates, this is definitely the best side to be on, especially during Lisa’s dance solo!”

“Girl, I know! I’m ready to see her shake that ass!” Denali replied, making both of them chuckle.

“Oh, is that how it is, mama?”

Denali froze.

Was that…

“Rosie?”

There was her girlfriend, sporting the VIP tag around her neck and around her wrist.

“How did you get in? I thought you didn’t manage to get another ticket?”, while she was beyond ecstatic to see her girlfriend there with her at the concert, she was also very confused.

“Up until a couple of hours ago, I didn’t have it, so that was as much of a surprise to you as it is to you,” she smiled, “Remember I told you about how Jan’s girlfriend was busy organizing a big event?” she asked as she recollected what had just happened hours prior.

Both Rosé and Lagoona were sitting on the former girl’s couch, watching reruns of America’s Got Talent and commenting how there would totally be no competition if they decided to audition.

Jan walked in, sipping on her frappuccino, “I know you love us but why aren’t you spending your birthday with your girlfriend?”

“I told you she’s at that Blackpink’s concert today” Rosé reminded her, lowering the TV volume.

“Blackpink? Oh! That’s the project Jackie was helping with organizing. She even offered me a full VIP ticket. Do you want it? It’s barely 3 PM, you just missed the soundcheck”.

The two friends sitting on the couch looked at each other, then at Jan, then back at each other before bolting up from the couch.

“COULDN’T HAVE YOU SAID SOMETHING EARLIER, JANICE?”

“I can’t believe it, Jan is really something else,” Denali smiled, now feeling that everything was complete.

“Me neither, baby. That girl is a mystery,” Rosé replied as she positioned herself behind her shorter girlfriend to hug her from behind, kissing Denali’s cheek “Now, I can check out my competition with the other Rosie in your life”, she joked.

“I promise you’ll be a Blink by the end of the night,” Denali said confidently, melting against the embrace.

“We’ll see about that, little diva”.

When people said time flies by when you’re having fun, Denali just realized how fast.

The concert was a rollercoaster of emotions, from the powerful beginning to the member’s solos - she definitely didn’t miss her girlfriend’s ‘mom dancing’ behind her. 

And now, the soft guitar notes of Hope Not filled the stadium. The ballad had always been one of Denali’s favorites, those raw emotions she had felt so many times were being so beautifully sang out loud and it made her teary-eyed.

Rosé kept her arms secured around her waist, rocking her from side to side. The brunette closed her eyes, fully letting the song guide her.

That’s when she heard Rosé’s voice in her ear, so quiet yet overpowering everything else.

“I love you”.

Denali’s eyes shot open and quickly turned around to be met with the most beautiful smile Rosé had ever given to her, she could only see pure love in her eyes staring back at her. 

She hadn’t even realized the tears spilled down her cheeks as she went in to connect their lips.

Nothing else mattered to her at that moment.

It was just her and her Rosie.

The warm autumn air filled Denali’s living room as they cuddled on the couch, watching a movie.

It was almost midnight when the end credits started rolling, the younger girl was already half-asleep, clinging to her girlfriend like a koala bear.

Rosé turned off the TV and turned her attention to her girlfriend, “C’mon, little diva, let go of me, I have to catch the bus home”.

Denali grunted, “Noooo, don’t leave meee,” she protested, her cheek firmly against Rosé’s chest.

“I gotta get home, baby”, the pink-haired girl tried to reason.

“This is your home too. You should just move in already,” Denali replied, slugging her words.

Her heart skipped a beat. 

Rosé stopped for a moment to think about it. She smiled looking down at her girlfriend’s serene face. 

She definitely could see herself wanting to wake up to that every day for a long time.

Denali woke up in her bed the following day, not remembering how she had gotten there. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep on the couch with-

She shot up and went to the kitchen. She found a still-warm cup of coffee and a note.

She almost choked on the drink as she read the small piece of paper.

I thought you’d never ask

to move in together

Get those papers ready, angel

Your Rosie

PS: we’ve some remodeling to do, mama

Denali couldn’t help the pink tint from erupting across her face. She definitely blamed her sleepy self for being so open with her girlfriend.

On the other side, she had to call her landlord.

Her search for a roommate was over for good.

[lastsonlost]

Crossing the divide

Do men really have it easier? These transgender guys found the truth was more complex.

In the 1990s, the late Stanford neuroscientist Ben Barres transitioned from female to male. He was in his 40s, mid-career, and afterward he marveled at the stark changes in his professional life. Now that society saw him as male, his ideas were taken more seriously. He was able to complete a whole sentence without being interrupted by a man. A colleague who didn’t know he was transgender even praised his work as “much better than his sister’s.”

Clinics have reported an increase in people seeking medical gender transitions in recent years, and research suggests the number of people identifying as transgender has risen in the past decade. Touchstones such as Caitlyn Jenner’s transition, the bathroom controversy, and the Amazon series “Transparent” have also made the topic a bigger part of the political and cultural conversation.

But it is not always evident when someone has undergone a transition — especially if they have gone from female to male.

“The transgender guys have a relatively straightforward process — we just simply add testosterone and watch their bodies shift,” said Joshua Safer, executive director at the Center for Transgender Medicine and Surgery at Mount Sinai Health System and Icahn School of Medicine in New York. “Within six months to a year they start to virilize — getting facial hair, a ruddier complexion, a change in body odor and a deepening of the voice.”

Transgender women have more difficulty “passing”; they tend to be bigger-boned and more masculine-looking, and these things are hard to reverse with hormone treatments, Safer said. “But the transgender men will go get jobs and the new boss doesn’t even know they’re trans.”

We spoke with four men who transitioned as adults to the bodies in which they feel more comfortable. Their experiences reveal that the gulf between how society treats women and men is in many ways as wide now as it was when Barres transitioned. But their diverse backgrounds provide further insight into how race and ethnicity inform the gender divide in subtle and sometimes surprising ways.

(Their words have been lightly edited for space and clarity.)

‘I’ll never call the police again’

Trystan Cotten, 50, Berkeley, Calif.

Professor of gender studies at California State University Stanislaus and editor of Transgress Press, which publishes books related to the transgender experience. Transitioned in 2008.

Life doesn’t get easier as an African American male. The way that police officers deal with me, the way that racism undermines my ability to feel safe in the world, affects my mobility, affects where I go. Other African American and Latino Americans grew up as boys and were taught to deal with that at an earlier age. I had to learn from my black and brown brothers about how to stay alive in my new body and retain some dignity while being demeaned by the cops.

One night somebody crashed a car into my neighbor’s house, and I called 911. I walk out to talk to the police officer, and he pulls a gun on me and says, “Stop! Stop! Get on the ground!” I turn around to see if there’s someone behind me, and he goes, “You! You! Get on the ground!” I’m in pajamas and barefoot. I get on the ground and he checks me, and afterward I said, “What was that all about?” He said, “You were moving kind of funny.” Later, people told me, “Man, you’re crazy. You never call the police.”

I get pulled over a lot more now. I GOT PULLED OVER MORE IN THE FIRST TWO YEARS AFTER MY TRANSITION THAN I DID THE ENTIRE 20 YEARS I WAS DRIVING BEFORE THAT.

Before, when I’d been stopped, even for real violations like driving 100 miles an hour, I got off. In fact, when it happened in Atlanta the officer and I got into a great conversation about the Braves. Now the first two questions they ask are: Do I have any weapons in the car, and am I on parole or probation?

Being a black man has changed the way I move in the world.

I used to walk quickly or run to catch a bus. Now I walk at a slower pace, and if I’m late I don’t dare rush. I am hyper-aware of making sudden or abrupt movements, especially in airports, train stations and other public places. I avoid engaging with unfamiliar white folks, especially white women. If they catch my eye, white women usually clutch their purses and cross the street. While I love urban aesthetics, I stopped wearing hoodies and traded my baggy jeans, oversized jerseys and colorful skullcaps for closefitting jeans, khakis and sweaters. These changes blunt assumptions that I’m going to snatch purses or merchandise, or jump the subway turnstile. The less visible I am, the better my chances of surviving.

But it’s not foolproof. I’m an academic sitting at a desk so I exercise where I can. I walked to the post office to mail some books and I put on this 40-pound weight vest that I walk around in. It was about 3 or 4 in the afternoon and I’m walking back and all of a sudden police officers drove up, got out of their car, and stopped. I had my earphones on so I didn’t know they were talking to me. I looked up and there’s a helicopter above. And now I can kind of see why people run, because you might live if you run, even if you haven’t done anything. This was in Emeryville, one of the wealthiest enclaves in Northern California, where there’s security galore. Someone had seen me walking to the post office and called in and said they saw a Muslim with an explosives vest. One cop, a white guy, picked it up and laughed and said, “Oh, I think I know what this is. This is a weight belt.”

It’s not only humiliating, but it creates anxiety on a daily basis. Before, I used to feel safe going up to a police officer if I was lost or needed directions. But I don’t do that anymore. I hike a lot, and if I’m out hiking and I see a dead body, I’ll keep on walking. I’ll never call the police again.

‘It now feels as though I am on my own’

Zander Keig, 52, San Diego

Coast Guard veteran. Works at Naval Medical Center San Diego as a clinical social work case manager. Editor of anthologies about transgender men. Started transition in 2005.

Prior to my transition, I was an outspoken radical feminist. I spoke up often, loudly and with confidence.

I was encouraged to speak up. I was given awards for my efforts, literally — it was like, “Oh, yeah, speak up, speak out.” When I speak up now, I am often given the direct or indirect message that I am “mansplaining,” “taking up too much space” or “asserting my white male heterosexual privilege.” Never mind that I am a first-generation Mexican American, a transsexual man, and married to the same woman I was with prior to my transition.

I find the assertion that I am now unable to speak out on issues I find important offensive and I refuse to allow anyone to silence me. My ability to empathize has grown exponentially, because I now factor men into my thinking and feeling about situations.

Prior to my transition, I rarely considered how men experienced life or what they thought, wanted or liked about their lives.

I have learned so much about the lives of men through my friendships with men, reading books and articles by and for men and through the men I serve as a licensed clinical social worker.

Social work is generally considered to be “female dominated,” with women making up about 80 percent of the profession in the United States. Currently I work exclusively with clinical nurse case managers, but in my previous position, as a medical social worker working with chronically homeless military veterans — mostly male — who were grappling with substance use disorder and severe mental illness, I was one of a few men among dozens of women.

Plenty of research shows that life events, medical conditions and family circumstances impact men and women differently. But when I would suggest that patient behavioral issues like anger or violence may be a symptom of trauma or depression, it would often get dismissed or outright challenged. The overarching theme was “men are violent” and there was “no excuse” for their actions.

I do notice that some women do expect me to acquiesce or concede to them more now: Let them speak first, let them board the bus first, let them sit down first, and so on. I also notice that in public spaces men are more collegial with me, which they express through verbal and nonverbal messages: head lifting when passing me on the sidewalk and using terms like “brother” and “boss man” to acknowledge me. As a former lesbian feminist, I was put off by the way that some women want to be treated by me, now that I am a man, because it violates a foundational belief I carry, which is that women are fully capable human beings who do not need men to acquiesce or concede to them.

What continues to strike me is the significant reduction in friendliness and kindness now extended to me in public spaces. It now feels as though I am on my own: No one, outside of family and close friends, is paying any attention to my well-being.

I can recall a moment where this difference hit home. A couple of years into my medical gender transition, I was traveling on a public bus early one weekend morning. There were six people on the bus, including me. One was a woman. She was talking on a mobile phone very loudly and remarked that “men are such a–holes.” I immediately looked up at her and then around at the other men. Not one had lifted his head to look at the woman or anyone else. The woman saw me look at her and then commented to the person she was speaking with about “some a–hole on the bus right now looking at me.” I was stunned, because I recall being in similar situations, but in the reverse, many times: A man would say or do something deemed obnoxious or offensive, and I would find solidarity with the women around me as we made eye contact, rolled our eyes and maybe even commented out loud on the situation. I’m not sure I understand why the men did not respond, but it made a lasting impression on me.

‘I took control of my career’

Chris Edwards, 49, Boston

Advertising creative director, public speaker and author of the memoir “Balls: It Takes Some to Get Some.” Transitioned in his mid-20s.

When I began my transition at age 26, a lot of my socialization came from the guys at work. For example, as a woman, I’d walk down the hall and bump into some of my female co-workers, and they’d say, “Hey, what’s up?” and I’d say, “Oh, I just got out of this client meeting. They killed all my scripts and now I have to go back and rewrite everything, blah blah blah. What’s up with you?” and then they’d tell me their stories. As a guy, I bump into a guy in the hall and he says, “What’s up?” and I launch into a story about my day and he’s already down the hall. And I’m thinking, well, that’s rude. So, I think, okay, well, I guess guys don’t really share, so next time I’ll keep it brief. By the third time, I realized you just nod.

The creative department is largely male, and the guys accepted me into the club. I learned by example and modeled my professional behavior accordingly. For example, I kept noticing that if guys wanted an assignment they’d just ask for it. If they wanted a raise or a promotion they’d ask for it. This was a foreign concept to me. As a woman, I never felt that it was polite to do that or that I had the power to do that. But after seeing it happen all around me I decided that if I felt I deserved something I was going to ask for it too. By doing that, I took control of my career. It was very empowering.

Apparently, people were only holding the door for me because I was a woman rather than out of common courtesy as I had assumed. Not just men, women too. I learned this the first time I left the house presenting as male, when a woman entered a department store in front of me and just let the door swing shut behind her. I was so caught off guard I walked into it face first.

When you’re socially transitioning, you want to blend in, not stand out, so it’s uncomfortable when little reminders pop up that you’re not like everybody else. I’m expected to know everything about sports. I like sports but I’m not in deep like a lot of guys. For example, I love watching football, but I never played the sport (wasn’t an option for girls back in my day) so there is a lot I don’t know. I remember the first time I was in a wedding as a groomsman. I was maybe three years into my transition and I was lined up for photos with all the other guys. And one of them shouted, “High school football pose!” and on cue everybody dropped down and squatted like the offensive line, and I was like, what the hell is going on? It was not instinctive to me since I never played. I tried to mirror what everyone was doing, but when you see the picture I’m kind of “offsides,” so to speak.

The hormones made me more impatient. I had lots of female friends and one of the qualities they loved about me was that I was a great listener. After being on testosterone, they informed me that my listening skills weren’t what they used to be. Here’s an example: I’m driving with one of my best friends, Beth, and I ask her “Is your sister meeting us for dinner?” Ten minutes later she’s still talking and I still have no idea if her sister is coming. So finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I snapped and said, “IS SHE COMING OR NOT?” And Beth was like, “You know, you used to like hearing all the backstory and how I’d get around to the answer. A lot of us have noticed you’ve become very impatient lately and we think it’s that damn testosterone!” It’s definitely true that some male behavior is governed by hormones. Instead of listening to a woman’s problem and being empathetic and nodding along, I would do the stereotypical guy thing — interrupt and provide a solution to cut the conversation short and move on. I’m trying to be better about this.

People ask if being a man made me more successful in my career. My answer is yes — but not for the reason you might think. As a man, I was finally comfortable in my own skin and that made me more confident. At work I noticed I was more direct: getting to the point, not apologizing before I said anything or tiptoeing around and trying to be delicate like I used to do. In meetings, I was more outspoken. I stopped posing my thoughts as questions. I’d say what I meant and what I wanted to happen instead of dropping hints and hoping people would read between the lines and pick up on what I really wanted. I was no longer shy about stating my opinions or defending my work. When I gave presentations I was brighter, funnier, more engaging. Not because I was a man. Because I was happy.

‘People assume I know the answer’

Alex Poon, 26, Boston

Project manager for Wayfair, an online home goods company. Alex is in the process of his physical transition; he did the chest surgery after college and started taking testosterone this spring.

Traditional Chinese culture is about conforming to your elders’ wishes and staying within gender boundaries. However, I grew up in the U.S., where I could explore my individuality and my own gender identity. When I was 15 I was attending an all-girls high school where we had to wear skirts, but I felt different from my peers. Around that point we began living with my Chinese grandfather towards the end of his life. He was so traditional and deeply set in his ways. I felt like I couldn’t cut my hair or dress how I wanted because I was afraid to upset him and have our last memories of each other be ruined.

Genetics are not in my favor for growing a lumberjack-style beard. Sometimes, Chinese faces are seen as “soft” with less defined jaw lines and a lack of facial fair. I worry that some of my feminine features like my “soft face” will make it hard to present as a masculine man, which is how I see myself. Instead, when people meet me for the first time, I’m often read as an effeminate man.

My voice has started cracking and becoming lower. Recently, I’ve been noticing the difference between being perceived as a woman versus being perceived as a man. I’ve been wondering how I can strike the right balance between remembering how it feels to be silenced and talked over with the privileges that come along with being perceived as a man. Now, when I lead meetings, I purposefully create pauses and moments where I try to draw others into the conversation and make space for everyone to contribute and ask questions.

People now assume I have logic, advice and seniority. They look at me and assume I know the answer, even when I don’t. I’ve been in meetings where everyone else in the room was a woman and more senior, yet I still got asked, “Alex, what do you think? We thought you would know.” I was at an all-team meeting with 40 people, and I was recognized by name for my team’s accomplishments. Whereas next to me, there was another successful team led by a woman, but she was never mentioned by name. I went up to her afterward and said, “Wow, that was not cool; your team actually did more than my team.” The stark difference made me feel uncomfortable and brought back feelings of when I had been in the same boat and not been given credit for my work.

When people thought I was a woman, they often gave me vague or roundabout answers when I asked a question. I’ve even had someone tell me, “If you just Googled it, you would know.” But now that I’m read as a man, I’ve found people give me direct and clear answers, even if it means they have to do some research on their own before getting back to me.

A part of me regrets not sharing with my grandfather who I truly am before he passed away. I wonder how our relationship might have been different if he had known this one piece about me and had still accepted me as his grandson. Traditionally, Chinese culture sees men as more valuable than women. Before, I was the youngest granddaughter, so the least important. Now, I’m the oldest grandson. I think about how he might have had different expectations or tried to instill certain traditional Chinese principles upon me more deeply, such as caring more about my grades or taking care of my siblings and elders. Though he never viewed me as a man, I ended up doing these things anyway.

Zander Keig contributed to this article in his personal capacity. The opinions expressed in this are the author’s own and do not reflect the view of the Department of Defense.

--------

Old story worth a repost SOURCE

[apenapaperandadoofus]

um ur taking v requests right? can we have a shy mc who never saw herself as pretty as models whom v saws and asks her for a photograph? think of "funny face" (audrey hepburn movie) i feel like it's a movie that fits v + mc uwu

Yup yup!

Sadly I’ve never seen the film but I hope I did a good job! 😓 I didn’t want to Google it because I want to actually see it now, so I hope you don’t mind!

.........

You had never really felt pretty

It didn’t help that almost everyday you would see a beautiful woman on magazines, or advertisements

Everytime you saw them, your self esteem went lower and lower, and you said horrible things to yourself

Also it didn’t help that you literally worked with models every day, taking pictures of them, it just made you feel worse

One day, you were feeling pretty bad, your self esteem plummeted to the ground and you weren’t feeling good

So you decided to take a break from seeing people pictures for a while, and to see something new

You saw that there was an exhibition from pretty famous photographers, and their theme was mostly about nature, so you decided to give it a go

Honestly...you didn’t know what to expect

But as soon as you walked into the room and saw those pictures? Your mood shifted

You walked over to see each and every picture

There was one with a flower on a cliff

Then another one of the galaxy

And then more flowers

And then you saw one of the sun...

And...you didn’t know what to say

You were speechless

It was beautiful

You didn’t know how long you spent standing looking at the picture

But you let out a yelp when someone all of a sudden touched your shoulder

A guy with mint colored hair was beside you, and he also jumped in surprise when you did

The two of you stood in awkward silence for a bit until he shyly smiled and asked you what you thought of the picture, since you had been staring at it for a while

You were pretty shy, but you managed to whisper and stutter a response

One thing lead to another, and the man, who’s name was V, or well Jihyun, literally gave you the picture

Why? You didn’t fucking know, but like what the hell my dude?

“I can’t accept this Mr. Jihyun! Really, thank you but it’s too much!”

He laughed and shook his head. “It’s alright. How about you repay me by helping me with a little project of mine? And please, call me Jihyun.”

You flushed, and you found you couldn’t refuse his offer, after all, he was looking at you with sparkling eyes, and how could you say no to that face?

You both agreed to meet in a pretty famous place. It had a bautiful lake

It was perfect for taking pictures

When the day finally came, you packed your camera (just in case) and quickly drove off to the spot where you decided to meet!

Let’s just hope he doesn’t murder me... you thought as you kept your eyes on the road

After getting lost and making plenty of turns left and right, somehow you magically managed to get to the meeting spot!

V was setting up his camera a few feet away from you, and he smiled as soon as he saw you

“H-hello!” You cheerfully tried to say

But nothing came out of your mouth

The man was just too beautiful, you couldn’t help but become speechless when he was smiling brightly at you, the sun shining behind him, along with a beautiful lake

“Thank you for coming Y/N. Um, I apologize though. It seems that the other person that was supposed to meet us here to model, suddenly canceled. I’m sorry I made you come all this way...”

You shook your head. “No! It’s alright Jihyun! Its fine. But...uh...model? I thought we were taking pictures of the forest and lake...”

“I’m trying out soemthing new. I normally prefer taking pictures of nature and other objects, but I wanted to challenge myself a bit....I recently found out how...how beautiful humans can actually be. I want to be able to capture the moment when a person shows their emotions. I want to pause that moment in time, and be able to see every single detail of the person. It’d be amazing to capture something like that, and to be able to feel the same thing that the person is feeling, just from seeing the picture. I thought of that when I saw you that day...”

“M-me?”

V nodded, and shyly smiled. “The way you stared at that picture...you looked beautiful. The way your eyes shone, the way your mouth was slightly parted...I could just...I wanted to capture that moment. Ah, I’m sorry if it sounds weird, I promise that’s all it was! Sorry for rambling so much. And besides, I just had time until tomorrow to show the project, so I think I should drop it. I mean...it’s kind of silly right?”

You bit your lip and looked at the ground, you face red and shook your head. “Not at all! It’s alright Jihyun. Thank you. I didn’t know I could...inspire someone like that. It actually...it sounds like an amazing project, and I really wish I could help you, really! Maybe I could find someone from my work that could come and model for you...?”

V nodded, but as you started to dial a number on your phone, he gently stopped you and smiled. “Wait! If you don’t mind, why don’t you model for me? You’re the perfect candidate for this, after all, I got inspired by you. It’s perfect.”

“Wha...? Wait, no Jihyun it’s just...I really want to help but I...I don’t model....I’m not cut out for it.”

“Not cut out for it...?”

“I’m not pretty like all those models, and I don’t know if I can even model at all! I mean it just scares me so much, and I am just not beautiful....I’m not going to be good at it.”

“....Y/N. Hey...look at me....” you slowly stared into V’s eyes, which were also a beautiful mint color. You blushed as you kept staring at him.

“From the first moment that I saw you...I wanted you to model for me. I just couldn’t take my eyes off you the whole time and...I think you’re perfect. Y/N, you’re beautiful, so please don’t think like that again. It’s alright if you don’t want to model, but please know that you’re pretty, even more than all of those models combined.”

You blushed even more and when V finished talking, he blushed too, and brushed the back of his neck. He clearly just blurted out everything he said, and he didn’t stop to think it through. He was being absolutely honest, and now he was embarassed because he didn’t know how you would ract.

After a few minutes you shyly smiled and looked up at V. “M-maybe...I can...help you for a bit. After all, I do have to pay you back for that picture.”

V smiled and the two of you got to work!

At first you were pretty awkard, not knowing where to look or how to pose, but V told you to relax and gave you words of encouragement, which made you feel more comfortable

Soon, you felt more and more relaxed, and you began to pose more naturally. Of course, you were blushing like crazy the whole time, especially knowing that V was looking at you through the camera lens.

When you were done V walked over to you and showed you the pictures

And you were...speechless

For the first time in your life...you felt beautiful.

V gave you a proud look and smiled. “These are wonderful, Y/N. You look beautiful in every single one.”

You blushed and thanked him. After, V told you that he could send you the images after he edited them a bit, which he was sure he wouldn’t have to do that much, and so he asked for your contact info.

The two of you said goodbye and you drove home. As soon as you walked inside your apartment you got a message from V.

He sent you all the pictures and a location and time.

The exihibiton is the day after tomorrow. I hope I can see you there. Thank you for all the help, Y/N. These are the most wonderful photos I have taken in a while.

You sent him some thanks and complimented his photography skills as well, since you knew that he was the reason the pictures ended up so well.

So I’ll see you the day after tomorrow? He asked.

Yes! You replied, a smile on your face.

Then it’s a date :)

Your heart stopped and you almost dropped your phone

A...a date??? With him???

You squealed and quickly went to your closet, trying to pick out what clothes to wear.

You couldn’t stop smiling the whole night.

............

Meanwhile, a photographer with mint colored hair laid on his bed and looked at a picture

He smiled as he saw you, his heart beating fast and his cheeks flushed.

He whispered your name and then went to sleep, unable to stop smiling and smiling.

[krabjoons]

book it [knj]

⮕ summary: back to school shopping. two people. one book. what could go wrong? a lot of things, actually. but then again, some things could also go right.

⮕ pairing: kim namjoon x reader

⮕ genre: fluff, crack, angst, bookstore!au, college!au, a condensed version of enemies to lovers

⮕ word count: 3.9k

⮕ rating: pg-13

⮕ warnings: mild cursing, the slightest references to what happens at a frat party

⮕ a/n: okay first things first, aAAAHHHH dynamite came out! and it’s an absolute bop (and record breaker)! so i decided to post my very first piece of writing in celebration. and also, because it’s that time of year again, you know, back to school season (yay? idk), i decided to use that as the theme to this drabble. hope you guys enjoy! :-D

p.s. if you wanna talk to bookstore!namjoon or bookstore!y/n, feel free to do so here!

okay so

maybe it wasn’t exactly the best idea you’ve had to go back to school shopping literally ONE week before school starts

you can’t help it! you’ve just naturally been a procrastinator. there’s nothing you can do about it

well, there actually are lots of things you can do about it, but you’ll get to it later (haha, get it?)

anYWAYS

you’ve finished all of your supply shopping and almost all of your book shopping

keyword being almost

you would’ve got everything except barnes and noble didn’t have one of your textbooks

hoW?!?! isn’t barnes and noble a giant bookstore retail chain? how can they have literally every book you can think of exCEPT the very one you need?!?!

and you’ve gone to other bookstores too but they don’t have your book either

today is just not your day

so you’ve decided to take a look at one more place before you have to turn to the online edition of your textbook

which really isn’t ideal because after two minutes you’ll probably “accidentally” end up scrolling endlessly through your instagram feed

so in short, if you want to pass this course, you really, really need this textbook. like, a lot

you pull up to a cute little bookstore, nestled in between a starbucks and a barber shop

Pied Piper Books, it reads. cute.

you push the door open and are immediately welcomed with the smell of warm vanilla. bells on top of the door jingle to alert the (cute) guy at the front desk to your presence

“hi! welcome to pied piper books. i’m jimin, how can i help you today?” he asks with a grin, eyes shifting into happy crescents

“hey, i’m y/n. i was looking for a psychology textbook. um, this one?” you say, holding out your phone to show him the title of the book on your phone

he squints at the screen before nodding eagerly

“oh yeah! there’s a whole rack of psychology textbooks in the back,” jimin exclaims, “you should be able to find it there”

you thank him profusely before strolling to the back of the bookstore, taking in everything around you. there are books of all kinds: nonfiction, historical fiction, fantasy, sci-fi, and more! it’s incredible how this cozy little bookstore has enough variety of books to rival the last barnes and noble you went to

“ah! here it is!” you exclaim when you finally see your textbook in the middle of the shelf

what luck! it’s the last one there, too. you reach your hand out to grab it when, suddenly, another hand bumps into yours

“oh, shoot, sorry!” you hear a smooth, low voice say

you turn to look at who the owner of the voice is and you have to physically concentrate on keeping your jaw from hitting the floor

in front of you is one of the most attractive men you have ever seen in your life

actually, scratch that

in front of you is possibly the most attractive man you have ever seen in your life

he's got honey colored skin and black hair. his burnt umber colored eyes twinkle with the lights of the bookstore. his lips, very plump (and kissable), are forming into a smile

he's smiling at you! 

wait- why does that smile look kind of weird?

now that you're getting back to your senses, you realize he's giving you one of those tight-lipped smiles, not a genuine one. and his hand is slowly tightening on the book you have your hands on as well

"um," you're not sure how to phrase this because:

1) there's a vERY handsome guy nearly holding your hand

2) said guy isn't looking very fondly upon you right now

3) he's trying to take the boOK YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR ALL DAY

so as much as you would like this hunk to see you in a positive light, you would like to pass your psych course a lot more

"i, uh, i really need this book. like, a lot. for a course? that i need to pass. yeah. so this book is gonna help me pass. and i need it. a lot. yup," you blabber

what? it's not your fault this (very attractive) guy is making you all flustered

he nods slowly and smirks, making heat rush to your cheeks

"that sounds really fun," he drawls. "but i need this book too. i mean, isn't it fascinating how the human mind works? i'd love to read this book, especially once i get out of class."

is he being serious right now? he's got to be kidding… right? no sane human being just reads a textbook for fun

"oh, yeah. very funny. but out of all the other textbooks here, why choose this one?" you say, rolling your eyes, attempting to yank the book to your chest

unfortunately, you're not as strong as you hoped because Textbook Boy didn't seem to budge at all

that's when you see his arms

long story short, they're very attractive. and his hands, too. are those rings you see? um, is it getting hot in here?

gulping, you add on, "plus, what kind of lame person chooses to read a textbook instead of, i don't know, an actual book?" keeping your eyes trained on his hands holding the book, inches aways from yours

he chuckles. "wow," he remarks as you finally look into his eyes, "do you not know what sarcasm is? of course i'd rather read something carl jung has written over whatever pearson has published here. i need this for my psychology class too, sherlock," he shakes the book that the two of you are holding

did he just insult you? of cOURSE you know what sarcasm is. you're the queen of sarcasm. novices tremble in your wake. who does this guy think he is?

"well, i'm not going to just give up this textbook. i spent all day looking for it! can't you just go somewhere else?" you groan out, running your free hand through your hair in frustration. you miss the way that his face softens for a second before returning back to its original determined appearance

"sorry, but as much as you need this textbook, i do too. i have class next week and-" he begins before you cut him off

"wait, do you go to seoul national university?" you ask, to which he nods uneasily. if he ends up wrenching the textbook out of your hands sometime later today (because it doesn't look like you're going to let go of it anytime soon with the death grip you've got on it right now), you're not going to follow him back to his dorm and kill him just to get a textbook, are you?

he didn't think you were mental upon first glance, but now he's starting to change his mind. maybe going on another long search in other stores for the textbook (that he'll probably have to end up purchasing online anyway) is worth it if he comes out alive at the end of the school year

"oh, cool! i go there too. so do you have professor lee for psych, then? i have him. i'm so glad he didn't give us summer work. like other professors i have assigned so much stuff for us to do. i'm happy that-" you start rambling again, making the guy smile and shake his head

"yeah, i have professor lee. and i also need this book," he lamely tugs at it again. you pout and are about to say something when someone interrupts him

"well, well, well. what do we have here?" jimin saunters over, taking note of Textbook Boy and you. specifically your guys' hands and how close together they are

“i came over because i thought i heard some yelling. but you two look, um, busy right now. glad to see you resolved any issues,” he teases after seeing the two of your flushed faces

“no, jimin, we actually do have a problem-” Textbook Boy begins before getting cut off by jimin

"you know namjoon, when you asked me for a book, i didn't know you were also meeting your lady friend here,” jimin interjects, wiggling his eyebrows at you teasingly, making you even more embarrassed than before

so his name is namjoon

wait, as in kim namjoon?!

like THE kim namjoon?!?!?!

you’ve heard a lot about him before but never seen him in person yet. (what? is it really that bad of a thing that you prefer binge-watching netflix over social interaction?)

he’s one of the most popular guys on SNU’s campus. the guy that everyone swoons over, boys and girls alike. beauty, brains, and brawns, kim namjoon’s got it all. the perfect friend group, the perfect wardrobe, the perfect life. he’s got everything

well, almost everything. just not this textbook, and you’ll be darned if you go down without a fight

“okay, wait. there’s been a misunderstanding. i’m not his lady friend. i need this textbook for my psych class. like right now,” you explain

so let’s think

if you just yank the book out of namjoon’s hands, run through the aisle and dodge jimin (who might side with namjoon because you’ve heard they’re in the same frat), the book could be yours. if you’re lucky, you can run up to the front desk and see if anyone else is there so you can pay and leave before namjoon and jimin catch up to you

taking in a deep breath, you decide to bring your plan into fruition

namjoon's talking right now: "jimin, you know how much i need this book, man. come on, man. i mean, we're bros. who helped you pass midterms last year? me, right?"

great, now's your chance!

you yank the book to your chest and start to run, when all of a sudden-

"hey, wha- oOF!" namjoon exclaims as you try to run away from him, suddenly tightening his grip on the book, but it's too late. the tug you gave on it sends him flying into you

“what the- OW!” the two of you begin to drop to the ground. bracing yourself for the fall, you close your eyes in anticipation and land with a thud, book clutched to your chest, and back on the ground. not the most comfortable fall, but definitely better than face planting

when you open your eyes, you nearly shriek

positioned right above you, staring into your eyes with a dazed look, is namjoon

you’re under him. like, not even in a frat party or anything! in the middle of a bookstore out of all places!

eyes widening, you push him off of you, quickly scrambling away and look at jimin sheepishly, who watched the whole ordeal go down. if you were embarrassed at being caught holding the same book, you’re downright mortified right now and ready to crawl into the nearest hole

“okAY! so uh, i’ll leave you two to whatever it is you guys are doing. uh, but just hold in all your desires till you guys get home. this is a public space, after all.” jimin teases, eyebrows raised and inching slowly to the front desk where he wouldn’t have to see whatever the two of you would do next

it’s strange, jimin thinks to himself. namjoon’s never mentioned a girl to their frat before, but here he is, cozying up to y/n. weird. he shakes his head with a soft smile and continues on his way

oh no

so now you’re back to square one

alone with namjoon

and the textbook

did you forget to mention that you’re alone with namjoon?

it was much easier when you didn’t know who he was and could talk smack in front of him, but now? now you’re a lot more nervous

because you fought with THE kim namjoon over a textbook. SNU’s kim namjoon. and then you essentially pulled him on top of you in front of his friend. and on top of that, you still haven’t got your book yet

who knows? if jimin and namjoon are friends that could mean namjoon gets a preference, and thus, the textbook. they could make fun of you afterwards and you’d be forever known as the lunatic who tried to seduce namjoon to get a textbook. ouch. not a pretty picture.

for the first time, things are starting to look bleak

“uh, so we can totally pretend that didn’t happen. no worries,” namjoon chuckles, scratching the back of his neck in a combination of nervousness, embarrassment, and shyness. you can now see his dimples, which means he’s probably giving you a genuine smile, but you still can’t help but feel bad

tucking your knees into your chest and placing your chin on top of them, you whisper out, “i’m sorry.”

you squeeze your eyes shut and continue, “i really shouldn’t have done that. i didn’t mean to make you fall.  like i just- i’ve been looking for this book everywhere, you know? and when i just found it, i guess i got way too excited. by the way, i didn’t mean to offend you with whatever i said. it’s just, you know that i have a tendency to- “

“ramble, i know. really, y/n you’re fine. i get it. i’ve been freaking out over this book too,” namjoon consoles you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?”

you nod weakly

“hey,” he continues, “how about this? we share the book instead. we anyway both have professor lee, so this method could be easier, you know? plus, we can share notes too.”

regaining your senses, you snort, “no offense joon, but i barely know you. it’s cool if we share things, but let’s start small and just share class. i don’t know how much of you i can tolerate.”

you meant for that to be a joke. can he tell? oh god, that was not good timing. you were literally having a breakdown a couple minutes ago. does namjoon have the same sense of humor as you? does he even have a sense of humor?

“for your information, yes i do have a sense of humor. you were thinking out loud by the way,” namjoon mentions dryly when you look at him in confusion. “and ‘joon’? we’re making nicknames for each other already, baby? i thought we’d wait till at least the second date. are we counting this one as our first?” okay, so now he’s pulling your leg

wait, kind of literally

his hand (the one that was around your shoulders at first) is now resting at his side. and because the two of you are sitting against a bookshelf next to each other, it’s now slightly brushing against your thigh

you stare in shock. THE kim namjoon touching you??!?! not sure if this is a blessing or a curse

“oh shit, sorry. my bad,” he finally notices after following your line of vision after seeing you gape at your legs.

great, now you’re going to think that he’s a creep! just because he’s popular on campus and in a frat doesn’t mean he likes to spend his free time feeling up girls

plus, he wants to make a good impression on you, as crazy as it sounds. he’s heard about you before, and you’re one of the smartest people on campus, staying holed up in your dorm to study rather than go to a party

(he doesn’t know about your crippling netflix addiction that you disguise immaculately. no one does, thankfully)

plus, you’re pretty and, although he would never admit it to your face, funny

anYWAYS

so what if he has a teeny-weensy crush on you? it’s not even that big of one. it’s so tiny. the smallest. not even there

yup

namjoon doesn’t have a crush on you

spoiler alert: he’s wrong about that

and you definitely don’t have a crush on him either

spoiler alert: he’s wrong about that too

so the reason why his heart skips a beat whenever you make eye contact with him is definitely a coincidence and not because he has a crush on you

right?

spoiler alert, again: wrong

he clears his throat, “sorry, you can have the book. i’ll just buy it online, i guess”

you pout and start to argue because you still feel a bit guilty, but he stands up and offers you a hand, which you look at hesitantly but still take

“you’re not gonna like, pull a WWE superstar move on me are you?” you joke

“who says i won’t?” he smirks at you, while pulling you up closer toward him

the sound of footsteps round the corner, probably jimin, and the two of you break apart before anyone can catch the two of you in another compromising position

an excited voice exclaims, “goOD NEW GUYS! i found an extra copy in the back! wow, i mean, that’s SUCH a coincidence! what great news!” jimin waves a textbook in his hands with a big grin on his face. a little too big of a grin, if you’re being honest

“i DEFINITELY didn’t know that we have extra copies in the back at all times! wow! isn’t this awesome?” he continues

is he JOKING?!??! you know you did NOT just spend this much time fighting for a book you could have had the entire time. and you definitely know that you did not spend a solid fraction of it embarrassing yourself in front of kim namjoon

speaking of namjoon

he doesn’t look so happy with jimin either. his jaw is now clenched and arms are crossed intimidatingly. he glowers at his friend and raises an eyebrow.

wait… that’s kind of hot. if you’re being honest, it’s really hot

"jimin, you're shit at lying, you know?” he says, “what was the real reason you didn’t give us the extra copy ahead of time?”

should jimin tell you guys the truth? well, a part of it wouldn’t hurt. he can already tell the two of you like each other based on your body language and thought leaving the two of you alone would help you two get even closer

he laughs, “no i literally forgot for like the entire beginning of your little argument and then i thought it would be fun to see how it pans out.” the smile on his face turns to a slight grimace as he sees the two of your unamused faces

you turn to namjoon, wondering if he’s thinking of getting “revenge” on jimin like you are. still keeping his eyes trained on jimin, he nods imperceptibly as if the two of you had communicated telepathically

“well, jimin, you did get us to agree. unfortunately, it’s not about the thing you want.” you say in what you hope is an intimidating manner. thankfully, namjoon adds more oomph to your words by cracking his knuckles

“okay, great! while you do that, i’m going to be at the front desk, ready to ring you guys up. you know, actually doing my job? have fun, you two! try to come up with something original and scary if you’re getting your so-called ‘revenge’, won’t you?” jimin grins and ambles off

oh my god, why is he so carefree? it’s lowkey frustrating

when the two of you are alone once again, namjoon turns to you, a question at the tip of his tongue

“so are we gonna beat his ass or what?”

you shake your head and furrow your eyebrows (namjoon finds it endearing that you’re serious about teaching jimin a lesson but he’ll never tell you)

“no, we have to think something out and be clever about it. plus, physical violence isn’t exactly my forte.”

“that’s fine,” namjoon replies, checking the time on his watch. “but it’s getting kind of late right now and i have to get some stuff ready for my frat.” seeing your face fall he adds, “let’s meet up sometime soon though, okay? how about we meet up at the starbucks next door later?”

is this his way of asking you out on a date? you’re kind of in shock at the idea

nonono, don’t overthink it y/n, it’s a casual meetup. casual.

namjoon doesn’t like you! you don’t like him… that much

it’s fine!

“oh! can i have your number then? it’ll be easier for us to communicate,” he adds on, feeling slightly nervous. which is kind of weird because pretty much all other girls on campus would flip their shit if he asked that and say yes without hesitating. but then again, they also don’t accidentally pull him on top of them in the back of a bookstore

who knows? you could say no

“sure,” you stammer out, still in surprise. namjoon hands you his phone to fill out your contact information and you save your name as “y/n :-D”

he lets out a little chuckle at that, simply saying, “cute,” and you swear you can hear your heart combust

the two of you head to the checkout counter, where jimin smiles knowingly at you two

“i’ll be expecting something extraordinary from you nerds,” he teases, to which the two of you roll your eyes

“i’ll catch you later, okay?” you tell namjoon while heading out the door, to which he nods with a dimpled smile. “and thanks for nothing jimin!” you call out, waving at him sarcastically

“you got the book in the end so be grateful!” jimin yells back

before the door completely closes, you hear namjoon threaten jimin, “once we get back to the house, i’m going to beat your ass for real,” to which jimin responds lazily with “sure, but you’ll be thanking me when the two of you start dating.”

you bite your lip to stop laughing. when you open your car door and look down when you see that someone has texted you

from unknown number: well today was certainly interesting… does meeting next week at 3 work for u?

from unknown number: shoot, sorry i forgot to say my name lol. this is namjoon btw

smiling down at your phone, you type back a response

to namjoon: sure! sounds great! c u then :)

you jump in surprise when you hear a noise come from inside the bookstore which seems to be jimin’s voice

“DUDE LOOK, SHE SAID YES!!! SHE’S TOTALLY INTO YOU!”

wow, he’s surprisingly loud. and accurate, too? are you that obvious about your crushes?

“NOW’S YOUR CHANCE, ASK HER IF THIS IS AN OFFICIAL DATE!”

well, it could be your chance too

smirking, you quickly type back a response before namjoon can say anything

you hope you said the right thing

to namjoon: it can be an official date if you want it to be one ;) i know i’d like it that way

setting your phone down, you let out a deep breath you didn’t know you’ve been holding and get into your car

slowly pulling out of the parking lot, you sneak a quick glance into the window of the bookstore and see namjoon staring at his phone in shock with an open mouth and jimin standing next to him, eagerly looking at the screen

jimin catches your eye through the window and winks at you with a smile

okay

so did you say the right thing? fingers crossed you did

your phone buzzes again, indicating someone has texted you (hopefully it’s namjoon)

a big smile breaks out on your face once you pick up your phone

from namjoon: i like the way u think ;)

from namjoon: so it’s on then? an ACTUAL date next week at 3? we can decide on how we’re gonna mess with jimin later lmao

yeah

you definitely said the right thing

[alovesthis]

All Things Must Pass -- Dean Winchester CHAPTER SIX

Dean Winchester x (female) Reader Fic

Fic Summary: Reader and Dean Winchester reunite after not seeing each other in a few years, ever since he told her to leave him and his issues behind. Reuniting wasn’t what you expected it would be like because of past feelings, memories and a life threatening situation that was placed upon Dean Winchester.

Warnings: none!

Word Count: 2k

CHAPTER SIX

1992, Texas - last holiday as a family

It was snowing heavily and nonstop in Texas that year. Although it was melting to the ground, you appreciated the white snowflakes falling against the apartment window making it feel like the holidays.

At just fifteen years old, there were so many things on your holiday list of things you wanted that were either too expensive or seemed too childish for you. It was at that age, you would just stick to asking for fairy tales and other books for the rest of your teenage years. And if you ever received something that felt too young for you, you would pass them down to Stevie. You were sitting on the faded blue couch in your family's fourth apartment of the last couple of years, watching your parents sit at the dinner table with a bunch of books spread out. They were researching for someone they knew, and since it was the holidays they wanted to get things done by tonight, in order to spend time with you and Stevie.

Since you were born, your parents were trying to balance a normal life and hunting. It wasn't easy, but they were managing. See before they had you, they met on a hunt and occasionally ran into each other a few times until they decided to team up. They met other hunters and friends along the way, creating lifelong friendships and ended up falling for each other and having you.

As you sat there, a book in your hands as the record player spins some Fleetwood Mac, your mom's favorite, you wonder if you'll end up doing what your parents do. Hunting. They didn't hide it from you, they told you last year because you were smart. They still kept it from Stevie, she was too young to understand and needed to be protected. Stevie comes running out the small bedroom you two shared, holding some thin children's book ranting at the top of her lungs. She was reading some mystery book, flailing around claiming she solved the case before the main character.

"Stevie! I know you love these books, but you have to take it easy." Your mom laughs as she stands up from the wooden cheap chair and grabs her, throwing herself down on the couch right next to you. Stevie starts giggling once mom starts tickling her.

"Alright girls," Your father stands up and walks over to stand in front of the three of you with a smile that he's trying to hide. "Got some bad news."

You sit up quickly, pushing your book off your legs and panic. "Please don't tell me you guys gotta go? I mean, it's the holiday season and..."

"Seriously, Travis?" Your mom shakes her head. "Don't scare them like that."

"Ah, sorry." He sits down next to you and pulls you into him. "The bad news is that we won't be around for New Years. But...we have a few days until we gotta go."

"Bad news first then the good news." Your mom turns to you. "That's always the best order to go in when you gotta tell someone something."

"So, what's the good news!?" Stevie jumps out of her arms and starts to dance around the room to the music.

You and your parents smile, watching Stevie "dance" along the dull creamy colored carpet under yellow toned light, to 'Everywhere'.

"The good news is that you get a few more gifts than normal." Dad smiles.

"Yeah, our friend Bobby helped us out with these." Your mom smiles as she stares at yo and Stevie. "And, you get to open them tonight."

"Only if you girls eat your damn vegetables tonight. I swear, it's like you're both allergic."

On this last holiday with your parents, something you never thought was a possibility, they made dinner together with music playing loudly in the living room. It wasn't rare to have these nights, but it didn't happen all the time either. After dinner, the four of you were sitting in the living room, which was literally five steps away from the table and kitchen. A few gifts were wrapped for you and Stevie. Your mom sits next to you as Stevie tears through gifts and plays around with them with your dad.

"I want you to know, Y/N," Your mom begins. "What you dream, what you read...everything you want, you can have it. What your father and I do, doesn't have to be your life okay? But it's okay if you want it to be. You have so many options. Although I don't necessarily want you in that life, I know once you're older you'll be capable to make these decisions on your own."

Your mom sits down on the floor with you and hands you the gift, watching your eyes glisten from the white lights that hang on the walls for holiday decoration.

Your fingers gently opened the brown thick paper covering as Stevie ripped through hers. The skinny wool string that was tied around it had come off as you pushed the gift under it, revealing dark green leather. It was The Little Mermaid, an old edition but it was beautiful. Gold lettering shinning on the cover and catching the white lights that were hung up behind you.<em>

"The Little Mermaid." You smile.

"Do you remember when I used to read this to you before bed?"

She also meant if you remembered her reading some of it before she would leave for hunts.

"Yeah, I do." You placed the book down and engulf your mom into the biggest hug. You always loved reading ever since you would listen to her voice reading you fairy tales, classic stories and books that centered on a character taking on anything that came your way.

"Thank you, mom. I really love it." You pull away a smile.

"I love you." Your mom wraps her arm around you and leans against the couch.

"I love you too, mom." You close your eyes and hold onto her arm.

"Cath, let's say we do some hot chocolate for the girls and they get ready on the couch for a movie or two." Your dad says, and Stevie jumps up and runs over to your mom.<em>

"Sure thing." She smiles and runs her fingers through your hair. "Can you handle Stevie for a bit?"

"When can I not?" You laugh as you grab your sister and start messing around with her as she continues to laugh and yell at the top of her lungs.

As your parents worked together in the kitchen and to make tonight special before they go on one of their last hunts, you sit there on the couch holding the book you were gifted up against your chest. Stevie sits close by you, her hands playing around with some toy that she unwrapped not too long ago. You watch your parents stand close by each other as they make snacks and hot coco for everyone. Your dad's arm wraps around your mom's neck and you see him leaning down to kiss her on the top of her head.

Sitting there, you smile softly to yourself as you begin to wonder if maybe one day you'll be just as lucky as them. Whether it's in the hunting life or not, you were silently wishing you you'd be as smart, strong and brave like your mom and rave and confident like your dad. What they had, you wanted.

That was the last holiday you and Stevie had with your parents. Like they said, they wouldn't be home for New Years. But a week after that, your parents came home a mess, scurrying around trying to get things packed and moving. It was that very night you realized they were in trouble. Leaving your apartment, you watched your parents get ripped away from you and Stevie by something, as another hunter who went by the name John Winchester saved your life.

2007 - inside the impala, on the road.

"You alright over there?"

You start blinking out of your trance of the one last good memory you've held on with your family. Clearing your throat, you roll down the impala window to get some air and take a few seconds before you turn your head to Dean.

"Yeah, I'm fine I guess."

"Are you sure, because you look like you're sick or something."

"I said I'm fine." You snap, before sighing and realize that it's not the best to get mad right now.

"Tis the season to be merry, am I right?" Dean scoffs as he turns on the radio, pushing the dial for the sound much higher.

"Look, I'm sorry. You know I'm not the biggest fan of the holiday season."

"You and me both." Dean scoffs. "What's on your mind?"

The silence plays throughout the car for awhile, making you want to open the car door and just jump out and avoid everything. Your parents, the antagonizing memory and Dean's deal. You start to re-think the idea of sticking around with the Winchester's, not sure if you can take it anymore.

"Dean?"

He hums in response as he keeps his eyes on the road.

"I was just thinking about my parents and the holidays." You say softly as you look back out the window. "Last time I saw them...well the last time I saw them on a normal day, we had a 7great night. It's just I see all the christmas lights, all the decorations and I get to thinking about them."

"You miss them." Dean says.

"Every day, but now a little bit more." You lean against the car door and look back at Dean, wrinkling your forehead as you stare with empathy. "Then it got me thinking about you, about you know...the deal."

"Y/N." His hands tighten around the wheel, his knuckles turning pink as his posture stiffens.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but you do know that we're here. It's not just us that's hurting...I know deep down, Dean, that you're hurting too. And that's okay, but what's not is that you're trying to hide it and I can see it."

"I'm-I'm not hiding anything." Dean says, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he drives. His right arm drops from the wheel and rests on his thigh. "Just drop it, alright?"

"Dean, all I'm saying is...it's okay to talk about things." You reach over and grab his hand to squeeze it, letting him know you're there. "I know it's been a while, and things got messy the last time we spoke. But I am here and like you used to say to me, no one has to go through life alone. Especially not this one. So Dean, please..."

Dean begins loosening his hand that is holding his thigh tightly, ready to flip his palm to face up. He doesn't want to talk, not now and not yet anyways. As it loosens, he slowly turns it over and lets his hand gently grasps on to yours. In surprise of his actions, you smile and keep your hand open, waiting for him to make the next move. A path to forgiveness between two friends and unresolved tension lingers between just the lack of inches between your hands. You're ready, but he's slowly hesitating.

And just as he's about to make a move to hold your hand, your cell phone goes off catching you two in an awkward space. As he drives, he looks over at you for a moment and you stare into his darkened green eyes After a few rings, you take your hand away and open your flip phone and answer the call.

Stevie's on the phone and Sam's driving your truck, telling you about yet another unusual case up in Michigan. She tells you that everyone should stop soon for a food break and to go over the case before traveling any further.

"Stevie and Sam have a case." You say after a few seconds. "She said to stop at the next exit for food and we'll go over it."

"Got it."

And that's all he says for the next hour in the impala, before you get to the rest stop and he begins to banter Sam and avoids the (one sided) conversation you two had just an hour ago. You don't want to push him, but you want him to know that he's never been alone in this. No matter what happened between the two of you, there will be a way to save him. Even if you can't get too close to the deal, or the demons or researching a way out, you'll be there.

-

not my favorite,  might go back and edit eventually! but enjoy and happy holidays. i’ll be back with two chapters this week or next week just in time for christmas + it’ll be centered around the A Very Supernatural Christmas episode in s3!! 

------

TAGLIST (if you wanna be added just let me know and I’ll add you to future chapters!!!)

@akshi8278 @deanswaywardgirl @canonboobs @vikkiwalker

[stellar-imagines]

SCENARIO REQUEST: ❝attracting vellichor.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Todoroki Shouto ]

「Todoroki goes to the library for a study group to finish his homework and prepare for upcoming exams with Midoriya and Iida. During his break, he discovers a group of girls talking very loudly until a girl—you, who decided to step in.」

TODOROKI SHOUTO

Todoroki was invited to study for the first time. He who had been studying for exams at home for the past few years do not know how a study group actually goes. Midoriya and Iida have invited him to the public library to finish a group project together. Truth to be told, the three of them never had any problems with their studies, being attentive and well-behaved students who paid attention in class. Even so, this kind of thing wasn't bad. Fuyumi was ecstatic about how her younger brother was now hanging out with friends and ushered the youngest Todoroki out of the house. She had been worried that his upbringing was making him distant from other kids for a long time. No mentions of making friends at all, no plans and stayed home training most of the time.

It was nice to see her baby brother going out with his friends to do something. Even though it was just a study group in the library, she can't help but think that her brother's life had brightened up a little. Todoroki, now dressed in a light wash denim jacket over a white t-shirt, made his way to the meeting point. A bag with textbooks, notebooks, pencils, and whatnot was inside. The library was a place that Todoroki don't often frequent, it wasn't too close to his house and he had to use the train.

He arrived at the library a bit later than he had expected and texted his friends. Midoriya and Iida were spotted seated on a table near the windows. The table was still empty, a sign that his friends just arrived a bit earlier than he had. The library wasn't silent but it wasn't too noisy either, there were groups of people who were working together but they tried to keep it down. Halfway through the work, they decided to take a break. Todoroki had decided to borrow a book that might help them with the homework while the other two went off for a bathroom break and to buy some drinks.

"Are you serious!?"

There's a group of girls talking very loudly, sitting just two tables away from him. Judging from their looks, they seem to be around his age, if not a bit older. They were sitting inappropriately, with their legs propped up on the chair and a few snack bags messily thrown on the table. From his point of view, they were acting like delinquents. Appearance-wise, they were a bit on the wilder side, having dyed hair, revealing clothes and talking very loudly. Clearly, other people sitting nearby seemed disturbed by it but there weren't much. Only two girls who seemed quite bothered by the noise.

"I can't believe he did that. How did you react?"

"How am I supposed to react in that situation anyway?! Imagine yourself in my shoes for a second, idiot! It was so embarrassing!" one of the girls squealed as her friends began to talk over each other. Todoroki had his attention on them for a while before deciding that it was best if he moved places to continue their homework.

"Lucky you who now has a boyfriend."

"Oh shut up, there is plenty of fish in the sea like that guy over there."

"The one with white-red hair? He's cute!"

They're loud. 

Todoroki was more than ready to leave. He was starting to get aware of the girls gazes and gossip about him. Ultimately, they failed to make it more discreet, the volume of their voice was loud and clear to him. Not that he cared about them anyway. The scattered papers were stacked neatly and he thought about telling Midoriya and Iida before he moved to a new place to do their homework. He reached for his phone that was sitting on the table when he heard a voice, not too loud but at a volume that was able to catch his attention.

"Excuse me."

He turned to see a girl with [Hair Color] hair and bright [Eye Color] eyes standing at [Height]. The table that consisted of 4 boisterous girls who were being ignorant that they were in a library became quiet for one second. All of them turned their heads to the one who interrupted their chatting. They seemed displeased and it was no surprise. You stood at the end of the table, hands inside your pockets. You were dressed in a navy, long-sleeved oversized shirt that showed off your collarbone and black pants that reached your ankles. Around your neck were headphones and an identity card of some sort. Todoroki now had his attention on you now.

"Can you quiet down a bit? There are people around you trying to focus." you jerked your thumb at the two girls behind you who looked grateful. The clique of rowdy girls glanced at each other before raising from their seats and neared you threateningly but you were unfazed, standing on your spot as the surrounded you.

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I happen to be in charge of the library." you shot back, the smile remaining on your face but your tone changed a bit, waving the identity card in front of them.

"I hate people like you the most. Acting all high and almighty like you own the place. Just because you have authority, you think you're better than us." With a scoff, the girls look at you with a look of disdain evident, raising her fist and aiming to hit you. In the blink of an eye, you had disappeared from their sight with no traces.

"Huh? Where did she go?" the person who attempted to assault you glanced around frantically but there was no sign of you. The four girls seem confused too, you were right in front of them just a second ago.

"Are you willing to keep it down and not disturb everyone else?" 

You had reappeared right behind the girl with a small smile on your face. They eventually got a bit annoyed by your behavior and decided to leave themselves after being embarrassed by you. With a smile, you watched as they left on their own accord, gathering their stuff before passing by you but not without giving you a glare. Once the whole thing was over, you grabbed the books they had left behind on the table. Todoroki kept his gaze on you, watching your every move. He was relieved that nothing too serious happened. He's actually more amazed that you're brave enough to step up. You turned his way, giving him a smile.

"I hope that bunch was not bothering you with whatever you were doing." you approached him, carrying a few books in one hand.

"No, we were on a break and I don't really pay any heed to them." Todoroki responded.

"Well give me a holler if you need any help with finding books or anything like that. But I don't mean literally because you might attract unnecessary attention. If you do see me then don't hesitate, I'm usually walking around but there's another employee by the counter too." you waved goodbye before walking over to the shelves to put back the books to where they belong.

Todoroki blinked owlishly, your friendliness made his heart beat faster than it was supposed to. It skipped a vital beat and he might as well be dead for a second. He stared at you for a while. Your [Eye Color] eyes brightened up as you talked with the two girls who thanked you for dealing with the delinquents. There were so many things he picked up from you. The friendly smile you had as you help people search for books and the amount of patience you had dealing with rude people. These attributes struck a chord within him.

"Todoroki-kun?" 

Midoriya's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. His eyes snapped towards the boy who called him, he was making his way together with Iida.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Well, you seemed like you were in a daze. Are you alright?" Iida tilted his head. Todoroki shifted his eyes at you, only to see you smiling and waving at him before slipping between two shelves.

"I'm fine." he replied with a ghost of a smile.

Total: 1380 words Published: 29.09.2019

We’re open for some limited edition prompts featuring Fall and Halloween! Read more here!

Thank you for requesting! *｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و*｡ We took a while for this request and before we knew it, it’s the end of September. We delayed typing a lot and as a result we finished it after a loooong time. Sorry to make you so wait, anon! ― author Hibiki/Lou

Thank you for requesting! Didn’t know how to end this so we tried not to end it too awkwardly. We hope you enjoyed it, anon. ― author Natsuki

Please do not mind the grammar mistakes and typos.

[entwinedmoon]

John Torrington: Reflections

(Previous posts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Today, January 1, 2020, is the 174th anniversary of John Torrington’s death. Him dying on New Year’s Day must have dampened whatever celebrations the crew were most likely enjoying, a dark day in a quite literally dark month, as the sun would not return for some time. He would have been buried in that endless night, during a snowstorm (a layer of snow was still preserved on top of his coffin), the first death in what had so far been a successful expedition. A death so soon may have worried the crew, but since it was due to an illness he’d brought with him, it may have just been considered a fluke. They may not have been concerned, still thinking they would make it through and discover the last piece of the Northwest Passage. If they had succeeded, Torrington would have been a minor footnote in the history of a triumphant journey, his grave a small curiosity for anyone who may pass by. But no one made it home from the Franklin Expedition, and Torrington is now seen as an early warning sign of the tragedy awaiting the rest of the men.

Why is it that, after all these years, anyone still talks about Torrington? What is the fascination with him and the other men buried on Beechey? I know what draws me to his story, and while I can’t speak for everyone, I think there are at least some people who share the same reasons.

So what intrigues me about John Torrington? Why did I write this series, spanning eleven blog posts and over 25,000 words (that’s half a book!), about a 174-years-dead Victorian sailor, spending my spare time researching and dedicating long hours to studying his life and death?

In trying to pin down just what fascinates me about Torrington, I went through some of my old writing, and I found this little snippet from an essay I never finished. It was written almost ten years ago, on January 13, 2010:

It was all John Torrington’s fault. I couldn’t sleep because of that frozen grimace, mouth and eyes both slightly open—eyes, intact, seriously, staring back at me. He just stares, cold, frozen, dead. I’m not likely to go on a polar expedition any time soon and possibly die from lead-tainted food or whatever killed him, but it’s not that idea that frightens me. He stares at me in the night, in the corners, in the reflections in the moonlit mirror on my closet door, in the folds of the dirty laundry on the floor, he’s there, staring at me. Going to the bathroom at night is the worst, walking through the dark hallway, knowing he’s following me, just behind me, out of sight, but still manages to jump ahead to stare at me in the split second before the bathroom light comes on, inches from my face in the thick darkness, but then he runs and hides again in the shadows of the hall, lurking, waiting to follow me back to my room.

Sometimes it’s Otzi or Jaunita or Ida Girl or Cherchen Man. Never King Tut or Ramses II for some reason though. But John has always stood above the rest, just the memory of a picture haunting me.

As you can see, I had a slightly different attitude toward Torrington back then. To explain this, let me start from the beginning.

When I was about seven or eight, my older brother brought home a copy of Buried in Ice from school, where he was learning about the Franklin Expedition. He of course shared the pictures in the book with me and my older sister because he thought they were creepy and that’s what you do when you’re a kid, you share creepy stuff to try to scare your siblings. I’m in my early thirties now, so the memory has faded over the years, but there’s still a lot that stands out even now. I remember eating a particular type of corn chip that to this day I associate the flavor of with lead poisoning. My brother told me about how the brains of the three mummies had turned into a yellow liquid—something we thought was gross but also cool for some reason. I remember that there was no way to just flip the book over to cover up the picture of Torrington on the front cover because—oh goodie—there was a picture of him on the back too. My brother and I commented on the golden color of Torrington’s discolored skin (I don’t know why we thought “golden” instead of yellow—it sounds more poetic to call it “golden” but that was certainly not our intention). I also remember that later, after my brother had returned the book to school but we were still haunted by the images, we couldn’t recall the names of Hartnell and Braine, so we called them Big Head and Snarl Face instead. But we remembered the name Torrington, probably because he was featured more prominently in the book. And due to that prominence, Torrington was the one I would think of when lying in bed at night, watching shadows in the closet morph into monsters.

To try to combat my fear, I used a trick I’d learned where I turn the scary thing into something ridiculous (this was before Harry Potter was published, but it’s the same theory as how to fight a Boggart). I put the three mummies into a long-running story that I’d made up in my head—and I made them undead idiots. Like zombie versions of Beavis and Butthead. Yeah, I did that. I made them weird funny sidekicks in my story, but it didn’t really stop me being afraid when I saw pictures of them again.

Remarkably, despite being terrified of Torrington, I became obsessed with mummies as a kid, an obsession that continues to this day. I would marvel over pictures of Tollund Man, Ötzi, and the Qilakitsoq mummies of Greenland.

But not John Torrington.

Whenever I would flip through a book about mummies, if I encountered a picture of Torrington, I would slam my hand over the page to cover it. I would be creeped out by other mummies, but it was never to the same level as it was with Torrington. And yet, I would still be compelled to peek, even after covering the page. I would regret it immediately, but there was something that made me want to look, even though looking at him was the last thing I wanted to do.

Over the years, Torrington would find his way into a few more stories of mine, in some form or another. In college, I wrote a short story for a fiction writing class where the picture of Torrington on the cover of Frozen in Time started talking to a young woman, representing her repressed thoughts and fears (he cracked a lot of jokes in that one). At that point in time, however, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to read Frozen in Time. I had bought a copy a while ago—the 2004 revised edition—and when it arrived from Amazon I flipped through it, telling myself that I was an adult and I loved mummies and I could bravely face the pictures of these boogeymen from my childhood.

That last part turned out to be incorrect. Several weeks of being too afraid to turn off the light at night ensued. I wouldn’t read the book for another eight or nine years.

But eventually I did read it, multiple times in fact, and I’m no longer terrified of pictures of Torrington, or Hartnell and Braine. That all started a little less than two years ago.

It began with another story idea I had that incorporated Torrington, one I have yet to write. I thought I should do some research into him first if I was going to include him. Around the same time, The Terror was airing on AMC. The exact timeline is a little hazy for me, because the story idea actually first came to me at the end of 2017, but The Terror first aired in March 2018. I can’t remember if I had the idea to add Torrington to my story before I started watching The Terror or not, but I think it was before.

Once I started researching Torrington and the Franklin Expedition, I quickly became obsessed. I had poked around Franklin research before, but my fear of Torrington would always hold me back. I would peer through my fingers at pictures and facts, but I could never do more than that. But now I was hooked.

My childhood nightmares were there at first, just out of the corner of my eye, but my research started to shift those in strange ways. I had always seen Torrington as this ancient, towering monster, but then I discovered that he was only twenty when he died and stood at only five-foot-four. I’m older than him. I’m taller than him. His desiccated body weighed less than ninety pounds, which I definitely weigh more than. Basically, if he came charging out of the closet, I could take him.

But what really drew me in was realizing that we knew so little about him. I could look at a picture of his face, frozen in time, but I couldn’t reach back into the past to ask him about himself. I’ve known about him almost my whole life, with him skulking in a corner of my brain, stepping out of the shadows every now and then, but I didn’t really know who he was as a person. The Franklin Expedition can drive people mad with the mystery of what happened to the men after they entered the Arctic, but suddenly I became obsessed with knowing what had happened before the expedition. Who was John Torrington? Who was this guy that has occupied my dreams and nightmares, who has taken up a permanent residence in my mind ever since I first laid eyes on him? Who was this young man who has somehow been a part of my life for so long, but whom I know so little about?

I know I’m not the only one who has been asking these questions, or who has been living with the Franklin ice mummies in their heads. I’ve met some amazing people online who are just as obsessed, if not more so. Thanks to this series, I’ve had people contact me about their own interest in Torrington and the Beechey Boys and how they understand my love for them.

Many times before, I’ve attempted to put in words just what draws me to mummies. In 2011 I even started a long-since-abandoned blog about mummies called Digging the Dead, where I tried to explain my interest. But I’m going to try my best now to pin down what has compelled me to study Torrington, and why he keeps popping up in my life.

I think part of the appeal of Torrington—and Hartnell and Braine—is the shockingly alive appearance of their preserved bodies, with some morbid curiosity over their undead vibe thrown in. The preservation of a body, preventing the natural process of decay, is fascinating. It’s a type of immortality, although one the mummy doesn’t get to enjoy. Torrington looks like he could get up and walk around—possibly in a zombie-like way, but still. He looks more like a real person than some mummies, like bog bodies that became too twisted by the weight of the peat or desert mummies that have a freeze-dried appearance. But a large part of the fascination with Torrington, and mummies in general, is that it’s like touching a piece of the past. When we see their pictures, we’re looking at something that is from a time long gone, but they seem so very present, so tangible in the here and now. They are time travelers, in a way, and this is our way of reaching out to them across the years.

And with the mystery of the Franklin Expedition, Torrington, Hartnell, and Braine add an extra layer of intrigue as well as reminding us that there were more than just officers on board. We have pictures of Franklin, Crozier, Fitzjames, and many of the lieutenants and mates, but the ordinary sailors and marines didn’t have the luxury of having their pictures taken. What they looked like has been lost to time, but the preserved remains of Torrington and the Beechey Boys literally puts a human face on the ordinary men of the expedition, the ones who never wrote memoirs or had journals that were preserved for posterity. Men who have been largely forgotten by history, who don’t get the same reverence we give the captains, who don’t get memorials or landmarks in their names. When thinking of the men of the Franklin Expedition setting sail for their destiny, it’s easy to see Torrington on deck—alive, his striped shirt billowing in the wind as they sail toward Lancaster Sound—and to imagine that these were working ships, fully manned with ordinary people who led regular lives and had dreams of what they would do when they returned home to double pay and the fame of having helped discover the Northwest Passage.

But on January 1, 1846, those dreams winked out for one of those men. On this day, I think not about how well Torrington’s body has defied time and decomposition, but about who sat with him as he passed. Was he alone? Did he have friends on the crew? And what of his family back home? Did they toast him and his journey, not knowing that he was gone?

Who said a prayer for John Torrington 174 years ago?

If it’s not too late, I think I’ll say one for him today.

<<Back

Torrington Series Masterlist

[th3okamid3mon]

The Lighthouse,  somehow charming to disturbing [SPOILERS]

What happens when you have 2 man inside an isolated house? NOTHING GOOD! NOTHING. GOOD. AT ALL! 

Sinopsis: 

2 lighthouse keepers are doing 4 weeks shift at an isolated and mysterious island in New England while fighting the desires to succumb into insanity. The tension between them grows as time passes, even though they can no longer decipher the time of day. 

Photography, sound and edition: 

BOI, WHERE DO I BEGIN!? OH I KNOW! THE CAMERA. The first thing that intrigue me about this movie is the black and white and that it´s shot in 1. 19:1 (For those who don´t know what that means, its the dimensions you see the movie, for example: a widescreen television in full hd would be 16:9). Seriously, this could possibly fool someone into thinking it´s an old movie, a literal movie from the 1930´s or 40´s. But NOPE! ITS FROM THIS CENTURY! BUT WAIT! THERE´S MORE! 

SO! It was shot using a Panavision Millenium XL2, which it still uses film. Some people think movies are shot with digital cameras now days and that film is completely obsolete. Well, a couple movies have been shot with film and in color. Film can and does have a really good quality, a lot of directors still like to use film to shoot the movies and then transfer the movie to digital. Some directors digitalize the movie, edits it and then imprints it in film! A mexican cinematographer called Gerardo Barroso explain in a conference in 2012 at the FIC UABC (International Film Festival UABC) how he does that because he liked the film more than the digital due to certain details it gives, specially to the colors and general shots, one of the movies shoot completely in film was 2011 Los Ultimos Cristeros. 2011. Let that sink in.  Back to The Lighthouse, this movie was film with Eastman Double X film, this type of film is only in black and white and they also used a custom filter to give the stylization you see here:

They also used a vintage , 1930´s Baltar Lens to give it more the old fashion movies style. This people went full on for the ¨super¨ old aesthetic. 

It looks completely like a 40´s or 50´s movie, but the sound gives it away as a modern film. The shots used were also kind of vintage or old; lots of use of closeups, really open general shots of the lighthouse and the sea, several shots to fill in the spots. Those filler shots are actually used for a very bad trip Robert Pattinson´s character has, imagining having sex with a mermaid and being tangled into octopus and then coming out of conscious not realizing whether he is in the past or in the present. 

The photography works really well in representation the absurdly, horrifying isolation the characters feel and the imagery becomes grotesque with the characters as they become even more aggressive and insane. 

One thing that isn´t as appreciated or doesn´t seem as appreciated is the sound design. Not only the music, all the sounds. The deafening sound of the alarm, the motor that powers the light, the sound of the waves as they turn from calm and relaxing to roaring with fury as if god himself was punishing this men for existing. Every single sound is done with care, nothing was out of place nor excessive. You could say certain sounds become annoying like the seagulls or the alarm but that´s the point. You are experiencing the same annoyances as the characters, you have to know what (at least one of them) they are going through in that isolated place. There´s nothing! Nothing. No other people. Only this old farty man and the seagulls and the sea. And when you are trapped for 4 weeks only listening to that, it can drive anyone insane. 

The editing is energetic, taking care of how every shot works for every moment. At the beginning there´s this unknowing feeling because we dont know the place, the character we follow (Robert Pattinson´s) is walking around, getting to know the place. We see it being a slow edit, it has slow moments, just getting used to the place. As time pass, we can see quicker shots, they dont stay in screen for a long time. There´s more cuts, quicker cuts. When you want a succumbing to insanity sensation of course you need the actors to act and the art design to be showing part of the story and the sound, but timing is important. if you leave a shot too long, it will mean something completely different. It was careful with each and every shot, and the timing was spot on, leaving just the appropriate amount of time to see what was going on and confuse the living shit out of everyone when the characters were tripping horribly. 

Art design:

Every department in a movie is highly important, in this case it was crucial. A lot of investigation must have been done to get the proper clothes, specially if it was gonna be filmed in black and white. You CANNOT use whatever clothes in whatever color, you have to make sure those colors aren´t too dark or too bright, if they are too dark there will be sub-exposure, if they are too bright there will be over exposure. It had to be in a specific palette to make sure the film doesnt fuck up. Not only did they had to search what kind of clothes were used in 1890, but also what the building was made of, the boats, the materials, the food, what did they eat? what did they drink? in what did they drink? HOW DID THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM? Everything was thought out. 

There were certain things like the make up or special effects that kind of confused me, it wasn´t until there was blood involve that caught my attention. In certain scenes the blood is in gray tones, but then when more blood is involve it turns into black, not dark gray, completely black. It strike me a lot. 

SPOILERY, IT INVOLVES PART OF THE END, SKIP IT IF YOU WANT: there´s a part where William Dafoe´s characters turns or is viewed as a octopus and starts spewing ink. Robert Pattinson´s Character is covered in blood as he hits this character and it looked grayish, but when he goes into the lighthouse his face is completely black. I don´t know if it was on purpose, i think it was part of his delusion and hallucination. It popped too much and it was almost out of nowhere. 

All and all, it was done amazingly, they did amazingly with the design of the house and the lighthouse. They dodge a bullet with the boat, i bet that would´ve been a lot more work to design or try to get. I mean, they still got a boat but they only did closeups and really limited view shots, there was no way you could see the boat completely and say if it was a modern model or an old model. The dirt and filthiness gross me out, i left the movie theater feeling filthy and gross, not only for how it looked but also for what I saw. 

Writing and Characters:

As I said before, the film has the vintage, oldy but goody look and aesthetic. That´s really clear, but you have no idea what I meant. They really went full on the look and the writing. Hearing this two actors talk reminds me so much of an old movie. They talk too much! They spew a lot of sentences that sometimes don´t mean much? I mean, William Dafoe´s character talks like a sailor, because he is one and talks with riddles or just rhymes sometimes. At first glance they dont mean much, but if you paid attention to all he says it´s all foreshadowing for the cruel and awful finale. 

The way they speak gets you back, it´s nothing you´ve heard before, by that I mean you would never hear anyone talk somehow like this. I dont think sailors talk like this anymore unless its for a gag. ¨Ya´hear?¨ ¨Ay, sir!¨ ¨YER A FILTHY BASTERD¨ ¨YER NOTHING BUT A DAWG¨. The accents gives a bit more of what era they are in, the writing itself does it though. 

Man, oh man! My filthy pair of sexually charged man. This two are GONE. Or at least William Dafoe´s is. You have an old, obsess man who loves the light and refers to it as his wife; he spews about his life in the sea and eventually you start to think whether that man is just bark and no bite or bite with no bark. Did I mention this man is hella superstitious? Thing he tells the other guy? ¨You better not mess with the ´gulls. They are the spirits of sailors died at sea¨.  He´s been alone for a while and his last second in command was described as dead and mad. HMMM.... Weird! And then you have the new second in command, new, responsible, hard working and has this mysterious vibe, something he is keeping to himself which is eating him from the inside out (if you get it, you get it). 

There´s not much you can decipher from this two. They start as just two man in a lighthouse, one is the boss the other a subordinate, nothing more nothing less. Then they become a bit more friendly to each other, but its more of a job friendly type of thing since it is a job they have to do. Tension begins to boil up when they discover they are alone and isolate for who knows how long due to the boat of provisions not coming after the 4 weeks. This characters dont develop much in the story and that´s fine. Both are not exactly thrilling, it´s what they do that becomes interesting. William Dafoe´s character is shown as gross, apathetic, strict and superstitious as well as stubborn but becomes a little more sympathetic. Why? Because we then know Robert Pattinson´s character a not more. He is (probably) a murderer, he took the lighthouse job with other name because he was a wanted man? and he was escaping his old life. He was already deranged when he got there, he had more probabilities of killing anyone. And then we discovered, the old man had killed before! So non of them are likeable, can be charismatic but not good at all. 

The plot is simple, the characters show emotions and certain 3Dimensionality but since they become even more of an asshole we kind of top caring about what happen to them. I guess the ending is more of delight to audience since we see them both get punish. Then again, I feel more bad about the old man than the new guy. He was an asshole in secret and ended up being an outed asshole. 

Conclusion: 

All and all, this movie is not for everyone. It has a nice pace and it´s interesting. The plot is simple, almost non-existent, what intrigues is the whole eeriness of the place and the situation that becomes super explosive really quick, it´s not a bad thing it´s more of a wake up alarm that hits you with a bat. It has quite the graphic imagery (sex, nudity, masturbation, animal killing in a VERY GRAPHIC AND HORRIFYING WAY, I HOPE IT WASN´T A REALLY ANIMAL MY GOD) that I dont think its for shock value, i think each have a reason to be and I understand it, it doesn´t mean it was shocking and disturbing though. Something I also didn´t expect was the chemistry between William Dafoe and Robert Pattinson, they work really well. Their acting was spot on and well done. Robert Pattinson has done other acting jobs, unfortunately some of those are from really bad movies which is a shame cause his acting is phenomenal. Thank god for this movie,  not to discredit Dafoe but the one shining is Pattinson. 

It is like a love letter to the film making from back in the old days, it could become a good stylization. A lot of movies with this old backgrounds are emerging and I dont see it as a bad thing though I can see it a bit of a problem. I feel it´s saying ¨The old days were better¨ but then again, what era hasn´t done that? Oh wait, the ones where vaccines didnt exist... In all seriousness, this could potentially inspire people to use the old gears or at least achieve this type of aesthetic to tell a story, it´s saying ¨IM NOT OBSOLETE YET, AND I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT¨ Film is an old material to use but it obviously shows it´s still kicking... for now. 

I do recommend it if you like thrillers, it is really eery, it is full of tension and gives you a weird claustrophobic and isolated sensation. 

NOTE: I´d say no minor should watch this, but I feel they would only want to watch it more, here i go though:  If you are a minor, SERIOUSLY, DONT. it depicts graphic deaths, graphic explicit sex scenes and general grossness, they were from the 1890, don´t expect them to be or act clean. I walk out of the movie theater feeling gross and dirty, never felt that way before after watching a movie like this one. 

Sincerely not delusional, TOD.

P.S: Watch kitten or dog videos to ease the utter disgust and disturb sensation of watching a man grab a bird from the throat and stomping it into a rock for at least 2 minutes straight. 

[mugen-monogatari]

The Shadowed World Of Monogatari - Narration [Part 2]

For those of you that haven’t read the first post, I suggest you go do that since this is a direct continuation of that. You can find it Here.

To summarize, I talked about how the world of Monogatari feels incredibly empty and lonely at times, with many scenes being devoid of literal life. I attributed this to Koyomi’s ignorance of the world around him, and how his personality meant he no longer pays attention to the world around him. If you tell yourself you can’t see something, eventually you’ll start believing it. If you stop looking at people, those people will eventually disappear from your sight. 

Here and there in the post, I mentioned that while initially it seems like this is just an artistic choice, characters such as Kanbaru and Nadeko show this isn’t the case, with a sudden change in how the world is shown through their eyes in each of their respective arcs. Why is that? Why do we go from an empty world to a shadowed world to the colored world? Let’s talk about it.

For this instance, I’ll be talking about Nadeko. Sengoku Nadeko is scared of people. She’s a timid girl, shy and quiet. She hides like a snake, coiled in the grass in an attempt to avoid confrontation. Throughout her arc she constantly victimizes herself, using her cute looks to avoid any danger or real sense of responsibility. Other characters comment on this, mentioning that she’s constantly using her charm to avoid the reality, as well as being able to avoid any and all confrontation. One of her defining traits it;

She’s always looking at the ground, hiding her face in her bangs. 

You’re probably asking at this point; “But Saki, how does that affect the world design and the characters within it?!” Well, for this I’m going to reference another series. A lot of you have probably Watched, some of you read “A Silent Voice”, It’s a fantastic series that everyone should go at least watch. Within the series, the main Character struggles to look people in the eye, many of the shots in the film are framed so you can only see the legs. When he does look up, a large X is plastered across people’s faces, signifying they can’t be trusted. (This is an incredibly simplified breakdown of it, please go watch that movie, or read it. It’s top tier).

Sengoku Nadeko is almost the exact same. Within Otorimonogatari, one of the first things we notice, is that there are people in this arc. Wild, I know. Nadeko first sees her Teacher, who we can only really make out from the neck down. His upper torso and head are shaded, much like the crosses from “A Silent Voice”. Nadeko can not see his upper half, as she is too scared to directly look at him. She cowers away in fear, she hides behind her bangs and looks down. This is the first signs of her serious social anxiety. She can’t even look someone in the eye, instantly wanting to flee when confronted about something.

But it doesn’t stop there. She later enters her classroom to another out of place scene for the series. There are people in there, a normal class-full, contrary to Koyomi’s constantly empty classrooms and halls. She can see these people, but- with the caveat that they’re all silhouettes, with strange colored rings floating within each of them. Which is even more of a tone shift, since she could almost clearly make out the teacher when she was confronted by them. 

So why is this? Why can she see people, but only make out specific ones? Well, there’s two factors to it. “The Norm” and Nadeko’s view of the people around. When you think of Japan or most schools with stricter policies, you’ll notice there’s a lot more uniformity, a lot more order than many other places (not to say that other places aren’t orderly). Everyone wears the same uniform, the same clothes, Most people will have similar hair cuts and colors, most will carry similar bags and follow the standard dress codes. Often, people rebel in their own little ways, phone charms, bag designs, makeup, piercings etc, but even these are the exception and not the norm. Hence, the silhouette being the uniform, the natural order, with the small circles being the individual quirks and unique aspects. 

That’s exactly how Nadeko sees these people. She’s aware they all have their individual perks and quirks (trademark that one), but she’s more aware that on a larger scale, all these people are the same. They look the same, dress the same, act the same. She even considers them to all feel the same bitterness towards one another after the whole Kaiki situation. This mixed with the fact that she can’t even look at people directly, I imagine to her, it’s just a world of silhouettes and fakes.

But obviously there are exceptions to this rule. She sees many of our main characters, mostly out of respect, but I imagine it’s also partly to do with the fact they’re related in some way to Koyomi. She sees Ougi clearly, having only met her once, same with Shinobu and Senjougahara, since they all have something to do with Koyomi. Replace this with her teacher, someone who she respects but also lowkey hates due to him pushing responsibilities on her, she can only see his body clearly. Finally we have the students, who she cares not about, seeing them not as individuals or people she can trust, but just an entity she has to live alongside.

I think that makes her character very interesting and both complementary and contrary to Koyomi’s outlook. He sees no one because he chooses to be ignorant of the world around him. Nadeko however, is more aware than Koyomi, she’s far more perceptive, and in being so she’s become disillusioned with the world and the people in it. She’s not quite as nihilistic as Koyomi in thinking that people have no worth, instead she is too anxious to find that worth in people. She’s scared of judgment and confrontation, much like how Koyomi is scared of emotional attachment. 

So there’s this running theme of anxiety and fear leading to isolation. For Koyomi, it’s the fear of losing something. For Nadeko, it’s the fear of judgment and confrontation. Which is why their world’s are both so similar and different at the same time. One sees no-one but the exceptional, while the other sees no-one as exceptional. 

And to me- That’s incredibly poetic. 

While I’d like to stop there, we still have the matter of Kanbaru to discuss, however, that’s a discussion for another day, and I’ve said my peace here. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this, and I really appreciate all the support you’ve  been showing me over the last few posts. I love writing stuff for you guys, so I’m really happy you guys love my written stuff too. Other than that, Look forward to Kanbaru’s discussion to tie these together, as well as more written and edited stuff on all your favorite shows.

You Guys Take Care Of Eachother, 

                                                         Saki~

[all-hail-the-witcher]

questionable government spies chapter 14

no your eyes do not deceive you, this is chapter 14 of spies

heres the masterlist in case you forgot what happened (I did too dw)

______

ship: eventual sprace, platonic ralbert, jack is madly in love with Katherine but she doesnt like smol emotion bois who drive vans

warnings: race drinks far too much sugar, race is a dumbass, Albert is Mad cause race is a reckless little shit with a death wish, some Anger Words, hibachi chefs, fear of crayons

editing: maybe idk havent decided yet

words: idk maybe like 2k

______

Race scrambled down the hallway, buttoning the last three buttons on his collared shirt as he attempted not to bump into every person he ran past. The one thing that Checks had told him was to not be late, and yet here he was. He had even left before Albert had woken up and hadn’t had time to write him a note and therefore had exactly no backup. Hopefully nothing would go wrong.

Luckily, Race managed to slip into the door to the meeting room just as it was closing. Immediately he saw Spot across the room and gave him a wink. Spot, in turn, glared at him - probably because he was late. Race considered sticking out his tongue and crossing his eyes at Spot but Checks started speaking before he had the chance.

“-hope you all brought your big boy pants,” Checks was saying as she distributed a half page of hardly useful information - something Race was beginning to assume was normal around here. He briefly skimmed it and when he didn't see the words “self sacrifice,” “imprisonment,” or “hibachi chefs” he folded it neatly and shoved it into his shirt pocket for Albert and Jack to analyze later.

Speaking of Albert and Jack, why weren’t they being regular nuisances in his comms like usual? Race reached up to his ear to fiddle with the device and see if he had put it in backwards (something he did far more often than he would like to admit), only to realize that the reason why Albert and Jack weren’t talking to him was because he had left the device in his locker. Despite his super spy training, Race did the very thing he was trained not to do when something bothered him: he groaned.

Luckily for him though, the groan happened to coincide with Checks announcing their mission. What the mission was, Race couldn’t say because he had been too busy thinking about his missing comms.

So when Checks stopped next to him and gave him what could only be described as The Look, Race felt a small part of his soul shrivel up and die from fear.

“You got a problem, Marx?” she glared. “You scared of crayons or somethin?”

Crayons? What the hell was she talking about? “No,” he said in his most badass voice.

She snorted in response, but continued her briefing nonetheless, leaving Race to wonder who the hell would be afraid of crayons of all things? Hibachi chefs were way more terrifying, they literally thought they possessed big enough dick energy to play with fire! Their dicks weren’t even that big either. Race would know, he had dated one once.

He tried to tune back into whatever Checks was saying so that he could at least report something remotely useful back to Albert once he retrieved his comms, but was interrupted by Darrel tugging on his sleeve.

Race looked down at the kid next to him. Today he was sporting a shirt with a giant tootsie roll pop on it. And he was definitely wearing silly bandz. “May I help you?” Race asked skeptically, unsure of how to talk to children who seemed to be stuck in 2009.

“I’m afraid of crayons,” he whispered.

It took every ounce of Race’s training to keep his face straight.

“Well, not every color, just the Burnt Sienna one. And only cause when I was 7 my fish died cause he ate one,” he clarified, brows furrowed together in thought. “Which colors are you scared of?”

Race sighed. Never in his life did he think that talking to a confused fifteen year old about crayon phobias would be part of his FBI agent skill set.

Oh what the hell, he thought dejectedly. I’m not gonna get any information out of this briefing anyway.

•••

As it turned out, Race had not only forgotten his comms in his locker, but he’d also somehow forgotten to tell Albert that they were getting a mission assignment today. Spot had laughed hysterically when Race went out to the parking lot to climb dejectedly into Jack’s van only to realize that it wasn't there because the two of them were working their shifts at Medda’s coffee shop. Because Race had forgotten to tell them that they were needed as backup.

Race spent quite a long time on the subway thinking about what an idiot he was.

After imagining every possible situation that could have unfolded because he didn't have back up - of which there were 27 and only 5 of them resulted in severe injury or death! - he arrived at the coffee shop. Hopefully Albert wouldn’t go too hard on him, he was being particularly protective over him on this case for some reason.

The bell next to the door dinged as he pushed open the door and slumped over to the counter where - thankfully - Romeo, Katherine and Jack were working.

“Well don't you just look like a little ray of darkness” a voice said as he approached the counter.

“Hey Ro,” Race sighed. “Gimmie the sugariest thing you can come up with.”

Race looked up at Romeo’s face for the first time and saw that his mouth had curved into a wickedly mischievous grin that Race knew he should fear, especially since he was entirely certain that Romeo could single handedly give him a sugar high that could last upwards of a week.  

“Bad day?” Romeo asked as he began to make Race’s drink. He knew Race only subjected himself to his drink creations when he was entirely desperate.

“I forgot to put my comms in, and then we had a mission assignment briefing and I realized after that I had also forgotten to tell Al and Jack so I had no backup and Al’s going to kill me,” Race mumbled into his elbow.

“Well,” Romeo pondered for a moment as he frothed what Race hoped was milk, “at least if Al does kill you you won’t have to fill out the paperwork.”

Race lifted his head to glare at his friend. “Not helping Ro.”

Romeo shrugged as he put an ungodly amount of whipped cream on Race’s mystery drink. “I never said I was trying to be helpful. That’s just the facts.”

“Punk.” Race let his head fall back down on the counter.

Romeo huffed in annoyance. “Would a punk go out of his way to make you only the greatest drink not on the menu?”

Race peeked up from his state of misery to gaze upon the creation Romeo was holding out to him.

It was in a hot pink mug - the mugs at the shop were all brown where did he find that? - and was topped with a mountain of whipped cream and chocolate shavings, rainbow sprinkles, and what appeared to be crushed oreos -again, where did he find that in a coffee shop? Race was immediately afraid of its contents and silently cursed himself for moping instead of watching what Romeo had put in the drink.

“I’m not sure,” Race said, taking the drink from him gingerly as if it would explode any second - which, knowing Romeo was a high probability. “I haven’t met any other punks.”

“What about me?” Jack asked, choosing that very moment to walk past him and Romeo. Today he was wearing a Fall Out Boy shirt and a gray beanie. It looked horrendous with the light pink apron, but Race assumed that that was what Jack had been going for.

“You’re not a punk,” Race said distractedly, trying to decide if he actually wanted to drink the mess Romeo had given him. “Now, Albert in Budapest, that was punk.”

“You and I remember Budapest very differently.”

Race’s heart sank as he heard Albert approaching him from behind. “Hey Albie,” he sighed.

Even though he wasn't looking at Albert, Race could feel his steely gaze as he took in the khaki pants and half unbuttoned, rumpled white shirt that gave away the fact that he had been at YMONY. “Why are you dressed like that?”

Race shot a what do I say look at Romeo who in turn gave him a your mistake your problem look back. Race flipped him off with his eyes before turning to Albert.

“Let’s go sit down and I’ll explain.”

Albert nodded, motioning for Jack to follow them.

Race took a deep breath and tasted his drink. It tasted like candied marshmallows covered in caramel. Honestly, not bad.

Albert led them over to a table in the back corner, pulled out a chair and sat on it backwards. “Explain yourself.”

“Okay so,” Race placed his drink down on the table. “I went to the headquarters cause we had a mission assignment briefing and I forgot to put my comms in but then after I finished I realized that I forgot to tell you guys so I didn't have backup and I’m sorryitwasanaccidentpleasedontkillme.” He stared down at the table, waiting for Albert to say something.

Instead though, it was Jack that broke the silence. “What’s the mission.”

“Breaking into a crayon factory and 6000 units of Neon Carrot crayons.” Race couldn't help but crack a smile.

“Neon Carrot?” Jack laughed. “I don't believe you.”

Race reached into his pocket for the info sheet and smoothed it out, sliding it in front of Jack. “Believe me now?”

Jack’s eyes scanned the paper quickly before he busted out laughing. “Well,” he said in between giggles. “At least we know whoever’s in charge of this dumb thing has a sense of humor.”

“We’d know who was in charge if we were actually working and not getting distracted,” Albert mumbled.

Jack and Race shared a look across the table, clearly trying to figure out what to say when they were saved by Katherine.

“Hey Jack- whoa!” She tripped over a loose floor board, falling into the table.

“Kath!” Jack jumped up to help her and Race couldn't help but roll his eyes. That boy was so hopelessly in love and it was going to end badly for everyone involved.

Katherine brushed off Jacks help, using the table instead to right herself. “Romeo needs help working the counter and my shifts about to end, do you mind?”

“No, no of course not.” Jack gave Race and Albert a nod before walking back towards the counter.

“That boy is so helplessly in love,” Race commented, watching as Jack tried to walk as close to Katherine as he possibly could without touching her.

“So are you,” Albert scoffed.

Race tore his gaze from the two of them and turned to face Albert. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You are in love with Spot.” He stared at Race accusingly.

Race was taken aback. “Am not!” Albert hardly ever meddled in his love life. And besides, he was not in love with Spot.

“Yes you are and it’s ruining the dynamics of the mission!” Albert pulled at his hair in frustration. “You’re getting sloppy, you didn’t have backup, you didn’t have comms, what if something went wrong? I can’t have you dying over a stupid boy, Antonio! We’re not 12! We have jobs, and lives! You’re putting the whole integrity of the operation at stake with your slip ups and you need to be more careful! He’s just a stupid boy, he’s not worth it!”

Race, who had been staring daggers at Albert during his heated speech, stood up from the table. “If you’re even suggesting for a second that I would put all of our lives at stake, then you clearly don’t know me,” he spat, shoving his chair against the table with a loud bang and stomping off toward the exit, letting the door slam behind him.

Albert DaSilva could go fuck himself.

•••

Albert watched as Race stormed out of the shop, immediately regretting everything that he had said to him. Of course he knew that Race was already tense being back in New York and he had probably just made it worse.

He just cared about him, and didn’t want to let his friend’s carelessness cost him something important. Like his life.

Albert stood up, kicking his chair and then cursing when he remembered a few seconds later that kicking chairs did not solve any problems and just made his foot hurt. He fought back tears that he told himself were from the sharp pain in his foot.

How could he have been so stupid?

Dejectedly, Albert strode over to his guitar and picked it up, absently plucking at the strings before settling on a song to match his feelings.

“I remember when you were all mine, but you’re changing in front of my eyes, what can I say

Now that I’m not the fire in the cold, now that I’m not the hand that you hold, as you’re walking away.

Will you call me to tell me you’re alright? Cause I worry about you the whole night. Don’t leave me this way, I won’t sleep till you’re safe inside. If you’re home I just hope that you’re sober, is it time to let go now you’re older? Don’t make my mistakes, I won’t sleep till you’re safe inside.”

______

o shit he maddd

next up: its crayon stealing time kiddos (btw neon carrot is a real crayons crayon color)

heres the song Albert sings

the story is actually finally picking up thank hecc

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the taglist

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[fxkthatdairy]

Realize~ MrBeast

Request: Firstly, love the edits! You put in so much work for this fandom, tysm for all u do! ❤ Is it ok to request an edit & an imagine? With James Hype - More Than Friends for the edit. And when you can & feel inspired (no rush, take your time❤) an imagine where the reader is 2 years older than Jimmy & his childhood friend & they go to college in another state, but when they come back they start to like Jimmy. Twist is Jimmy already had a crush on them before they left but didn't have courage 2 confess

Awwwe thank you so much <3 it really makes me happy to see that you guys enjoy the imagines and edits I put out.. I hope you enjoy this imagine love <3

Growing up you had one best friend that has stuck with you since second grade and his name was Jimmy Donaldson. You both became friends because your parents worked together and they were very good friends so Jimmy was always at your house 99% of the time. When you were younger it was all fun and games and there were no feeling of anything else but friendship but once you hit your junior year of high school you began to develop the biggest crush on Jimmy. At this time he had started a youtube channel called MrBeast6000 and you supported him through it all and you were even his first subscriber as well as Chris. You went to every single sporting event that he ever played in and you would always leave the games with a hoarse voice from how loud you were cheering for Jimmy. Your favorite games of his to go to were his Baseball games because he looked hella good in Baseball pants. You would never let him know that you had a crush in fear of rejection and the end of you two’s friendship. So for your senior prom both of y'all went as just friends. It killed you when you found out that you had been accepted to the University of California in Los Angeles not for the fact that you were accepted but the fact that you had to move across the country far from Jimmy to go to school. When the dreaded day came and you had to move both of you hugged very tightly. Your heart was crying but you were not going to let him see you cry.

“You go and kick butt (y/n/n), I’m going to miss you and I want you to keep me updated and don’t forget to come visit me.” he said. You nodded and gave him one last hug before you boarded your one way flight to California. On the plane ride, you felt the warm tears fall down your face the whole plane ride. You had to hide your feeling of Jimmy down deep so that this didn’t  affect you throughout your college year. Now four year later, you had finally graduated. Sadly, Jimmy was not able to make it but he was there in spirit. His YouTube channel had now blown up and it was also now just called MrBeast. You were packing up all your stuff because you were moving back to North Carolina to help Jimmy with his YouTube Channel since you got your degrees in Management and Filmography. The next day you got on the plane and headed to North Carolina, what you didn't know was what Jimmy had planned for you when you got back.

                               Jimmy’s Pov (Y/N) was coming back today and I planned on asking her to be my girlfriend. I had loved her since the beginning of high school but never had the balls to ask her out on a date or even to be my girlfriend. When she moved to California for college, a piece of my heart left with her. Now that she was moving back, I wasn’t planning on losing her again.  I decided to decorate the whole warehouse for her coming back and throw a get together with all her family and friends and then ask her to be my girlfriend there. I had the guys over helping me decorate and get everything ready. I bought a crap ton of yellow balloons because that was her favorite color and the whole room was basically decorated in yellow. I bought yellow tablecloths, yellow napkins, yellow forks,spoons, and knifes. I hired a photography place to come a do a photo booth and I even got a giant jump house and water slide since it was the middle of June and hot as crap. Chris and I went and bought a crap ton of steaks and chicken as well as some vegetables and chips. Chris had volunteered to cook all the food while everyone was showing up and I went and picked up (Y/n). The get together was sat up and know it was time to set up how I would ask her to be my girlfriend. I bought a big white screen and a projector and made a slideshow with a bunch of old photos of us with some comments about how she has changed my life and the very last slide said,”Will you be my girlfriend?” and then once she answered I was going to ask her to move in with me since we basically have known each other for years and she needed a place to stay and I was not going to let her pay to get an apartment when she could just live with me. I made sure everything was in place and correct before I left to go pick (Y/n) up from the airport.

Your Pov Your plane had finally landed and you were currently getting your stuff from the baggage claim and began walking around the airport looking for Jimmy and when you saw him your heart literally exploded from joy. You began running and eventually ended up in his arms. You hugged him so tight that if you could literally explode a person he would be dead.

“(y/n) I ca--ca--can't breathe.” Jimmy huffed out. You apologize and let go. He then smiled and hugged you again. It felt so good to be reunited with Jimmy again. He grabbed your luggage from you and took it to his car and then you both got in and he began driving. He had told you that he needed to stop by the Warehouse real quick and get something so you guys were just talking in the car about everything and catching up with him. When he pulled into the Warehouse you didn’t even notice the cars that were there and got out with Jimmy. He opened the Warehouse and you were shot with confetti glitter and a huge “Welcome Home.” from all your friends and family. You were hit with a sudden sense of breathlessness  as you were in complete shock that all your friends and family were there. You began running up to everybody and giving them hugs and catching up with them. You were dragged and had photos taken with so many people and you were so happy that everyone was here. Chris came in and announced food was ready.. Everyone got food and were all sitting down and eating when a slideshow of pictures of you and Jimmy began playing on the screen You read the silly, meaningful, and funny comments that were left on some of the slides and then you began feeling your heartbeat pick up as you began reading the last few slides. The slide before the last was a video of Jimmy talking.

“(Y/n), since you’ve been in my life we have cried together, laughed together, fought each other,comforted the other, and loved each other. When we started high school, I began developing strong feelings for you that I pushed away because I did not have the balls to ask  you out in fear that you would not like me back and that it would ruin our friendship. That was the worst mistake I ever made. When you told me that you were moving to California, my heart sank to my stomach. The day that you left, a piece of my heart left with you. I was heartbroken for a while but decided to conceal everything so that I could pour all my energy into being MrBeast. I didn’t want to be Jimmy without you. Chris noticed this and I confessed everything to him and he helped me make this video and plan this get together for you. The truth is (y/n) is that I can’t live without you, you make me me. You keep me level headed, honest, responsible, and you keep me,me. I love you so much and not in the best friend kind of way, I love you in the way where I want to wake up to you for the rest of my life, that I want to be the one who makes you smile when you are upset, I want to call you my wife one day and eventually I want to call you our child’s mother, I want to grow old with you and I just want to be with you. So (y/f/n) (y/m/n) (y/l/n), if you say yes to my next two questions I can promise you devotion, love, support, compassion, honesty, respect, loyalness, and all that I have. If you say no then I still support you as my best friend so I’ll just let you see the question.”

The video ended and by now you were in complete tears from what he had said. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as the next slide displayed two questions: Will you be my girlfriend, and will you move in with me? At this point, you had gotten up and walked over to Jimmy who was standing the the front of the room holding a bouquet of Sunflower and shifting from foot to foot. You placed your hand on his cheek and leaned in and kissed him with all the passion that you had stored up for the past 5 years almost. You pulled away and looked deep into his blue eyes that had captured your heart.

“Does that answer question, Jimmy? Because if it doesn’t then its a yes.” You said and kissed him again. By this time everyone was standing up and clapping.  People walked up and gave their congrats and soon it was time for everyone to start going home. You helped clean up and then you got in the car and headed home with Jimmy. You still couldn’t believe that he had asked you to be his girlfriend. It seemed so surreal to you and you felt like you were in a dream but this was reality. Not only were you dating your best friend but you were living with him. Jimmy pulled into the driveway and got your luggage out for you. The rest of your belongings including your car were being shipped in the next few days. When you got inside you changed into some pajamas and climbed into bed. Jimmy followed suite and pulled you close to his chest. You could feel his heartbeat slowly luring you into sleep. He rubbed you back slowly in comfort. You began drifting off to sleep but before you fell asleep you told Jimmy that you loved him.

“I love you so much, (y/n)” Jimmy said before trying to get some sleep for himself.

[startofamoment]

to all the WIPs i’ve loved before

rules: post your favorite parts of 3-5 fics that have been sitting abandoned in your drafts for ages. (for extra shame, throw in when you last worked on each thing.) tag 5 other writers to reflect on their life choices. 

a pen pals au of sorts in which jake and amy share a desk and communicate via post-it notes (last edited: december 2017)

Amy is going to murder her deskmate.

The literal trash heap that greeted her last Monday was one thing, the sticky orange soda stain from last month was another thing, but this – this blatant disregard of property and boundaries and the sanctity of office supplies – is the Last Straw.

Spread out across her entire desk is a good fourth of the Post-it notes from the brand new assorted set she got from her brother Tony. They’re all arranged to look like various Star Wars icons, and a few of them are filled in with marker for apparent color correction. It’s horrifying.

Grumbling, she begins taking apart Post-It Yoda, keeping the salvageable pieces in a stack and throwing out the rest. When she’s cleared her entire table, she grabs her favorite pen and a fresh sheet then writes:

Hi, Please refrain from wasting my Post-its in the future. Thank you. - Det. Amy Santiago

She stares at it for a moment and decides, since this is probably the only passive aggressive note she’s going to write her deskmate, she might as well add:

PS: I would appreciate it if you would leave our desk clean at the end of your weekend shifts.

After checking it over once more, she places it in the center of her desk, ready to be read the following Saturday.

a dianetti cake shop au in which rosa owns and runs a store called arlo’s (last edited: june 2017)

Gina takes a moment to look over some of the cakes on display before clearing her throat and leaning over the counter. “’Scuse me, can you help me get a custom cake order started?”

“Sure.” The baker wipes her hands on a dish towel before grabbing a small notebook and pen from one of her pockets. “What’s the occasion?”

“Some old geezer’s leaving our precinct to enjoy retired life, or something like that.”

“Retirement party? Cool. Tell me about this guy.”

“Oh, sweetie, I don’t know or care about him. I’m just here cause my boss told me to order a cake.”

A smirk forms on the baker’s lips. “Ha. Do you wanna just do a standard cake order then? I usually do the custom cakes for more personalized, special events.”

“That’s probably smart. Which one of your standard cakes say: ‘Congrats on being old and rich enough to never work another day in your life, but sorry you’re almost dead’?”

She snickers. “I don’t know about that first part, but how ‘bout an angel food cake as a ‘hope you go to heaven when you die’ sort of thing?”

Gina grins and fishes through her purse for her wallet. “Oh, you should know my expectations on this cake are out of this world high. I’m only here because Yelp told me you’re the Beyonce of baking.” (Actually, she’s here because at least three reviews claimed the baker-slash-owner was “terrifying” and “gorgeous.” – They were right, on both accounts.)

a sequel to i could listen to you all day // the “after ever after” story in which jake and amy navigate their first year together as soulmates (last edited: march 2017)

Jake’s phone buzzed on his desk, breaking him out of his happy daydream. He picked it up and opened a new message from Gina.

“god, quit making heart eyes at the new girl!! your conscience would be v disappointed, kiddo.”

Gina, who had been watching him like a hawk from her desk, expected him to get all flustered and to text or yell back something overly defensive. She raised a single eyebrow when his face instead broke into a goofy grin and he straight up giggled.

Across from him, Amy looked up from her case files. “What’s so funny?”

He shook his head and mumbled something about memes and the internet.

She rolled her eyes, but the corners of her lips curled up into a smile. After he redirected his attention to his computer screen, her expression morphed into the same openly adoring look he had on his face the entire morning.

And then it all clicked.

If Gina had stopped to think about it, she would have recognized the new disappointment she felt in both herself (for taking this long to put two and two together) and her childhood best friend (for not keeping her in the loop). As she had not stopped to process anything, she instead yelled across the bullpen: “OH MY GOD. JAKE AND AMY ARE SOULMATES!”

All work stopped, and everyone fell silent. For a good minute, all that could be heard was the faint snoring from Captain McGintley’s office.

“Gina,” Rosa half-snarled, half-whispered. “You can’t just say that.”

“Oops, my b. Y’all know I have no conscience now so…” She giggled, winked at the leather-clad detective, and went back to her game of Kwazy Cupcakes.

Jake let out an awkward laugh. “Well, uh, that was -”

Out of nowhere, Charles appeared right in front of their desks. “Is it true, Jakey? Was Amy the voice in your head all this time?”

“I -” He glanced at Amy for help.

She bit her lip and shrugged.

This wasn’t at all how he envisioned making the announcement, but there was no use denying it. Still looking straight at her, his face softened into a smile. “Yeah… We’re soulmates.”

Charles squealed loudly. “You said the S word! Does that mean it’s official?” He gasped. “Have you said ‘I love you’? Have you met each other’s parents? When’s the wedding? What are you naming your first child?”

pretty much a crack fic inspired by the media’s post-olympics obsession with tessa and scott // my spin on a vm au bc i still refuse to write jake and amy as ice dancers (last edited: may 2018)

Like many of the other bizarre situations he’s found himself in, this all started with Gina. Over the last year or so, she’d been posting random photos and videos of all of them at the precinct. (“I’m devoting my energy to my new project, Ginazon,” she’d declared to the entire bullpen. “It’s a one-stop online portal for my legions of followers. I’m just giving the people what they want!”) Given that this was Gina of all people, Jake wasn’t at all surprised to find out that each post garnered hundreds of likes, but he’d never bothered to venture into the comments section. He’d never known about the apparent niche following that had formed, the group of fans – for lack of a better word – waiting with bated breath for him and Amy to get together.

Charles had only spurred them on, what with all the various Easter eggs on his culinary blog. (“This place has everything,” he’d written once. “My co-workers Jake and Amy even gave it their stamp of approval after they’d shared a quick lunch there before a long stakeout. Make sure to ask for the winter salsa; it’s wonderful!”) He’d sworn that none of it was intentional and that he would never do anything to sell them out, but everything he’d written had still been catalogued and analyzed by the pseudo-experts of the fandom. At this point, Jake’s main regret is not reading Charles’ weekly email blasts.

Their downfall – or rise to viral glory – came when someone from the so-called G-Hive happened to be in just the right place at just the right time, catching their (second) completely-platonic, spur-of-the-moment, done-in-the-name-of-justice kiss on camera. By the next morning, “Undercover Cops Lock Lips Before Locking Up Wanted Criminal” had been viewed on YouTube over a million times.

With everything about the entire situation already being so weird, they’d decided to just ignore their newfound fame in the same way they’d pretended the kisses never happened. (“We’re a great team. We work great together. Nothing should mess that up,” he’d said, repeating nearly his exact words from the night before.)

Evidently, there was no escaping this though. A formal press conference was set up, which wasn’t too out of the ordinary for cases that caught the general public’s attention, except they’d ended up having to say more about their dating lives than the investigation or arrest. He can still feel his heart lurching in his chest at the first relationship-related question, still hear Amy loudly stammering out some vague answer about being “very professional.”

a smutty soulmate au in which jake and amy unknowingly share dreams every now and then (last edited: november 2017)

At this moment in time, Amy Santiago is undeniably, incomparably, drop dead gorgeous.

More specifically: she’s in the hot red dress Kylie convinced her to buy on their last post-trivia night celebratory shopping spree; she’s wearing a matching killer shade of lipstick picked out by her fashion-forward, shockingly sexual 13-year-old niece; and she’s got her hair swept into that one elegant yet fun side ponytail that caught her eye in a magazine a few weeks back.

Normally, she’d be proud of herself for managing to pull off such a look, except–

It’s been a good several hours since she tossed her dress into the hamper, wiped the makeup off her face, and tugged the elastic tie from her hair. She’d buried her head into her pillow and wheeze-cried herself to sleep shortly after changing into her pajamas, so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment over the night’s party-gone-wrong.

The thick haze shrouding her current surroundings tells her she’s in another one of her soulmate’s dreams, which helps a tiny bit in explaining her current appearance but really opens up more questions than answers.

tagging: @santiagoswagger​ @three-drink-amy​ @do-me-decimalsystem​ @arnie-santiago​ @sergeant-santiago

for the record, this was inspired by @disruptedvice​ and @elsaclack​’s responses [x,x] to the writing meme!! i thought it was super clever of them to feature little snippets from various works and felt this would be a good way to give unfinished/abandoned fics some love!