#look she would have visible injuries if she *almost died* I'm just saying

[akirakirxaa]

POV: You're an NPC a few weeks after the Final Days were ended. You spy the Warrior of Light while going about your business.

She seems to be on the mend and in good spirits. You think to yourself that you should ask her to do a mundane task for you.

But you won't.

[Yes this was inspired by that picture of the cheetah with her cubs and the poster going "I want to cuddle them *zoom in on mama cheetah death glare* but I won't".]

[lavynrose]

ToT men when their S/O almost dies during childbirth pt. 2

headcanons + scenarios

character/s: Marius Von Hagen, Vyn Richter

pronouns: she/her

warnings: angst, lots of blood, injuries, pregnancy, delivery, mentions of death, graphic violence, not proofread

notes: this drained every last bit of fluff in my body head empty, only anguish and sleep deprivation. and i think i had too much fun writing Marius' part.

as usual, comments and rbs are appreciated bc they help a lot <3 u can find the Artem and Luke version here

masterlist

Marius Von Hagen

The moment you showed him the pregnancy test results, he's already flying to the moon and back. ecstatic is what he'll describe what he's feeling at that moment, he even lifted you up and spun you around because of how happy he was

You bet Marius is going to spoil you and the baby with every mortal possession he has in his hands

After some months, he suggested to draw you using oil painting when your baby bump started to get visible

He just wants to carve this event in your lives in his memories forever, the love of his life is carrying his beloved child after all <3

He loves you so much and is careful in everything, he even hired the top gynecologist in all of Stellis to handle you and your pregnancy to make sure that no unexpected complications would arise

He's so sure everything will go smoothly, I mean, he did everything he can just for you to have a safe pregnancy

He's confident that nothing would go wrong

Right?

"Marius, what's that?" you shook your head in feigned disbelief when you saw that his arms were full of cute children's bags with matching lunchbags, while Vincent beside him is carrying a full set of school supplies in his hands, both of them look like they're enjoying this way too much.

"You can't be too advanced," He winked which you scoffed at, "I'm just so excited." He gushed and flashed a boyish grin as he kept putting random kids stuff on the already full trolley.

"There's still like 4 years before she goes to school you know," you turned to the shelf near you, full of children's nursery rhyme books, "I think it's better to just buy her clothes first."

He put his hand on his chin as he smirked, "Yes, you're right. I should buy more clothes as well, heh." He intertwined your hand with his, his other hand pushing the cart, "How about toys? I bet she'll love them." Marius can't help but grin at the thought of his daughter playing with teddy bears.

You chuckled, "I can only imagine how you'll spoil her once she's born." Your hands found it's way on your bump, rubbing it gently.

You were days away from labor, as your midwife had told you - but you hated staying at home doing nothing, so when Marius told you that he was going for another haul, you pleaded to go with him. You think it'd also be nice if you get to choose and pick stuff for your little baby girl.

One of the downsides of going with Marius, however, is the crowd that comes along with his popularity. When you guys arrived at the mall, you were bombarded with fans and reporters hoping to get even just a little scoop of your private lives. You even have to get the mall security just so you can get inside.

You were pretty sure that at this point, everyone in Stellis know that the renowned Marius Von Hagen and his wife is at the mall, buying stuff for their soon to be born princess.

"Ahh, I'm just really excited, Y/N." You can hear the enthusiasm is his voice as he stopped in his tracks and placed his hand on top of yours, rubbing your bump together, "Of course I'd spoil her, how can I not when she's already bringing me this much happiness even though she isn't even born yet?" He flashed a closed eyed smile and pecked you on the lips.

You slapped his shoulder playfully, and you spotted something black at the corner of your eye, making you look to the side briefly. Strange.

Shrugging it off, you turned to your lover, "Marius, many people are watching!" You say that, but you were holding back a giggle as he pecked your lips again, and he made an exaggerated smooching sound before he withdrew back.

"I just can't get enough of you, babe." His smooth voice teased with a typical wink.

You pushed him gently, "Don't give me that, Marius Von Ha-" A gasp left your lips when you felt something cold in your back, pushing you abruptly. A squelching sound resonated in your ears. The impact was so strong it lurched you forward, your body hitting the trolley before you.

Marius eyes widened, his eyes almost popping out of their sockets as he registered what just happened, "Wha-"

The both of you whipped your heads around, and your terrified eyes were met by a sinister grin, wore by a man with an intention to kill. A knife was mercilessly sheathed on your back.

"Die." he snarled.

The tearing sensation in your flesh shook you to the core, along with an intense burning on the site of the knife stab - your lungs, "Ahh!!!" you let out a piercing scream in agony. The perpetrator pulled out the once silver knife, now coated with metallic red, and blood gushed out of your body. Marius caught you by the arm, his eyes shaking.

"Vincent!" He shouted and the said assistant rushed in panic, "Call the security!" Marius turned his head to glare holes at the suspect meters away, now running to escape, "Make sure they catch that bastard," He said between gritted teeth, and stared at the blood staining your clothes in horror, "We're going to the hospital, now!"

Despite the searing pain, your hands fly towards your abdomen in an instinctual attempt to protect the baby, prickly tears welled your eyes as you wailed out, "Ahhh! It hurts!" You clung onto his arm for dear life, bruising it, "Marius, it hurts!!!" You closed your eyes tightly, panting. The pain was too excruciating to bear. You're struggling to breath as rapid sounds of gasps left your mouth in an attempt to catch air.

His eyes widened and started to shake as he lifted you up carefully by the knees and shoulders, attentive not to touch your wound.

"DAMN!" He spared one last glance at your perpetrator, Marius saw that the man look back at him and grinned, the bastard is even proud of what he's done.

Marius clicked his tongue and rushed to the parking lot, creating a scene in the mall. He's sprinting like his life depended on it - because literally, he wouldn't know what to do if he'd lost you. You are his life, after all.

Blood trickled on the mall's pearly tiles as Marius kept running with you in his arms. He kept glancing at your form to see if you're still conscious.

Fortunately, he was fast enough that the paparazzi's didn't get the chance to interrupt. Once he sat you down inside the car, you were a sobbing mess as you kept clutching your pained chest. Tears staining your cheeks, you were so sure you were gonna die from the pain alone.

"To the hospital, as fast as you can!" He announced to the driver in haste. Marius had never been scared his whole life. You were continuesly coughing up blood for heaven's sake!

He relentlessly slapped your cheeks, not too painful, but with enough force so that you'll stay awake. "Please don't die," His desperate eyes bore onto your hues, the light in them slowly fading away, "Please..."

Good thing that the hospital was just some blocks away, that you arrived there in just a few minutes. The driver was also driving in full speed, every second counts. You could literally die at any moment now.

Once inside, Marius wasted no time to alarm the personnels, "Help us!" He shouted. Everyone whipping their heads in his direction. Various whispers can be heard from some people, as the PAX heir screamed for help, covered in blood red.

They immediately put you in a stretcher, your consciousness threatening to slip away with every second.

The nurses continue speeding you up to the ER, "Miss, please stay awake!" One of them said in alertness, and even started shouting random things to keep you conscious.

Overwhelmed, you looked up blankly, Am I gonna die? Your vision was blurred, barely hearing the shouts above you. Your eyeslids started to feel heavy, the deep cut on your back and the contractions on your stomach weakening you even more.

Marius ran alongside them and addressed you in full volume, "Don't you dare fall asleep on me Y/N!" He pants, as he dreadfully watched your pale and bloodied form, your body growing limp from blood loss. Your once healthy skin was now slowly turning blue.

Finally making it to the ER, the nurses ordered Marius to stand back and not go inside until instructed. He felt helpless.

You didn't deserve this. He leaned on the wall to steady himself, eyebrows furrowed, eyes red and teary.

This is so fucked up.

Cowards, all of them. They knew Marius would still stand strong if he was the one attacked, so they went in and took you as the prey instead. He bets that they've waited for this opportunity for the longest time now.

I'm such an idiot. He gritted his teeth, as he paced back and forth in the lobby.

His heart pounded hard against his ribcage as he stared at the door, he was sure anyone who got close would hear it. He couldn't control the guilt at the thought of you dying because of a simple mistake that he hadn't expect he would make.

He got too reckless. He didn't think that people who don't approve of him would take this opportunity to attack his most precious treasure - his family. He should've insisted for you to stay at home.

Having known how competetive the industry he's in, he should've known better that there were assholes waiting to srike his weakness.

That weakness being you and the baby.

"Sir," breaking him out of his damaging thoughts, Marius perked up when the door spilled the doctor out, his cloths tainted with blood.

Your blood.

Marius took a deep breath, his lungs felt heavy and blocked from the unbearable anxiety, and asked as calmly as possible, "How's her condition?" He bit back the anguish and anger threatening to coat his words, "Are they going to be alright?"

Choosing his words carefully - aware that this was the PAX heir he was talking to. The doctor blurted out, "There's a chance that the mother and the baby may not live." He shook his head, looking away with gritted teeth as he recalled your analysis results.

Marius' world began to spin, "Huh?" He whispered so faintly he was not sure if the doctor had heard. His mouth remained gaped even after uttering those words.

It felt like his heart broke physically, it's pieces clanging loudly on the floor with a thud.

No way.

No fucking way.

The doctor continued, "The knife punctured deep in her lungs," He sighed, "She's lacking in oxygen, and as you know," Marius stared at him wide-eyed, realizing the dangers that it might do to the baby, "She's pregnant, and the baby may not be supplied by the oxygen needed to survive." The doctor clicked his tongue, "We also need to perform a Cesarean section. She'll lose a lot of blood."

Marius head was spinning, the dizzying sensation made his legs buckle beneath him as he struggled to keep himself up.

He swallowed the suffocating lump in his throat, "Please do everything you can, I-" He tried to hold back a choke, "My family," He pleaded as his eyes display desperation, uncaring if he looked like he's begging, "I don't know what kind of man I'll become if i ever lost them."

He steadied himself, closing his eyes shut, "They're my life, please, I'm begging you."

"We'll do what we can, Sir." The doctor turned around, "I have a feeling she'll live. Please try to calm down for a bit."

He nodded. Chest still heavy.

He already lost his mother, the woman who's supposed to ground him.

He can't afford to lose you two as well. His queen and his princess - his heart couldn't take that.

Marius just sat there, staring at the clock. He then took out his phone and dialed Vincent's number, his eyebrows knitted as he pressed numbers into the phone.

"Sir Marius." The other line responded firmly, "How's Y/N?"

Getting reminded of your situation, Marius clicked his tongue and convinced himself to calm down, "She'll be fine." He said more to reassure himself than to just state it.

Marius quickly changed the subject, he felt like he'll explode if he didn't, "Did they catch the bastard?"

"Fortunately so, sir. The police are currently holding an interrogation."

He remembered the man's face in his mind, "Good." he snarled.

Some hours passed, every tick of the clock was punching his heart with worry and fear. The questions what's going on inside? and when will this end? popped several times in his mind more than he would admit.

Will you be alright? was the one thought that kept running in his brain, never leaving, torturing him.

The wait is killing him.

"Sir," after for what seemed like forever, a long-awaited voice called out to him.

Faster than lightning, he got up from the chair, "Please tell me they're alive." His eyes shaking as he searched the doctor's face.

"She made it," The man beamed so bright it would have been infectious for Marius if it weren't for his nerves, "your wife is a really strong woman."

It felt like a thorn has been plucked out of his chest as he shouted, "YES," a declaration of relief and joy all at once, Marius shook the doctor's hands, "I'm so glad..." He trailed off, remembering something and his eyes alerted again, "How about our daughter?"

"Correction, they both made it." Marius gushed noises of happiness at those relieving words, it felt like eveeything is dazzling before him, "Both are really strong women." the doctor finished. "It's a good thing you got here when you did, if you were even a minute late, I don't know what we would've done."

"Thank goodness..." Marius was still angry from what had happened, but the thought of you alive from a near death experience? It made him ecstatic. "Can I go inside?"

"Yes, she's sleeping right now. While we put your baby in an incubator to allow active monitoring."

"Thank you..." He closed his eyes in uncontrollable relief, "I mean it..." he muttered, eyes teary. The doctor nodded at Marius and gestured towards the door.

He sat at the chair beside your bed, and held your hand gently like he was afraid you were going to break with a just simple touch, because what if you do? He doesn't think he could forget himself, "I almost lost my mind, you know." He rubbed circles on your palm, whilst gazing at your peaceful face.

Squeezing your hand tightly, he let out a fond smile, "I love you." He'll say those words over and over just to let you know how much he wants you to stay by his side, forever.

"When you wake up, the both of you should make it up to me." He felt tears prickling his eyes when he recalled that dreadful feeling of losing you. Now that he knows you're alive, he knows there's a future waiting for him.

He won't accept any future without you, anyway.

Vyn Richter

Mans would be the best dad ever, marry me

i might be a little bit biased here but hey, am i wrong?

Anyways, one thing is for sure, he'll play classical music for you to at least lessen the stress and headaches you experience during pregnancy

It has "many health benefits" not only for you but for the baby as well - he had told you the morning after you told him you were pregnant

Speaking of when you told him, butterflies bubbled in his chest, joy filling every fiber in his being when he heard it directly from your mouth

But of course he didn't show it outwardly, he's not one to show his emotions after all

Even so, he made you feel pampered at those whole 9 months, you feel refreshed everyday

Ever the epitome of a perfectionist, he made sure that your pregnancy would go smoothly, without any problems that could potentially danger both you and the baby

Or will it?

Cold filled your senses, as the faint chatter inside the air conditioned bus mingled with your soft sighs.

"There's only a few days left," you breathed, huddling to your sweater closer to you, if that's possible, to keep yourself warm. You turn to Vyn at your left.

Through his glasses you see the warmth in his eyes, and he gave you a reassuring smile, "Are you nervous, sweetheart?" He nuzzled his nose on your neck and put his hands on your baby bump, feeling every kick. He then rubbed it to help ease your nerves, "That's completely normal, but please rest assured, I'll be here for you in every step of the way," He lifted his head to kiss your temple, "so don't worry too much." you beamed and muttered a thanks at his comforting words.

Your abdomen was feeling a little too painful today, so you and Vyn decided that you should check up on your midwife just to be safe whether or not something strange is happening inside you. They said it was normal, the elevated contractions would really start days or weeks before active labor.

You turned to your right, it was raining really hard, the raindrops relentlessly coating the bus' window in a blur. It was already dark as it was nighttime, the atmosphere was giving you an eerie feeling, but you didn't mind.

Vyn entwined your fingers together as he spoke, "I can't wait to see him." He sighed with contentment, the light inside the bus illuminated his pretty features and you gazed at his golden eyes, wondering if your son will look like him.

"You're cold." He put his arms around you, warmth started to fill your being, "Better now?"

You hummed, "He'd be happy to have such a handsome dad." You grinned and you faced front, your grin faltered when your eyes caught something up ahead. A truck, but why is it speeding up on your bus' lane?

Why isn't it stopping? You questioned to no one, and you were starting to panic.

Vyn chuckled but you didn't register because your heart was too busy pounding against your ribcage when your mind hits a frightening realization. Your blood running cold with what's bound to happen, and you froze in shock.

"And an even more beautiful moth-"

A deafening screech rang throughout the bus, shaking every passenger awake, making everyone gasp. The aggravating sound of metal clashing together was heard. Your whole body jerked and your vision tilted.

Everything is tilted.

You felt a pain on your side when your form hit the window beside you, as everyone started to scream frantically.

"Vyn!" Your eyes widened as the bus tipped to the side, threatening to fall on a steep cliff the bus was driving by, the small railings doing nothing to stop the fall.

The bus then fell abruptly like a roller coaster going down fast from it's high, "Ahhhhhhh!" Everyone's frightened screams of fear can be heard as the bus stumbled down hard.

But you didn't pay attention, because right now, all you cared about was how the bus bounced your body up and down, and rolled you back and forth, hurting every part possible of your body, like a ragdoll.

Especially your baby bump, it hurts like hell as the broken glasses of the windows scraped your bare skin open, the metal hitting your head with every roll of the vehicle.

You panicked, The baby.

"Y/N!" Vyn tried to call out but to no avail, his body was also controlled by the gravity of the falling vehicle - much like everyone else.

"Ahhhhhh!!!" People kept screaming, the bus finally went to a stop, it's position upside down.

Your body felt limp and abused. You can't even move a single muscle. You felt like every joint in your body broke, and you struggled to think straight, your vision beginning to blur as your body ached with excruciating pain. Blood was pooling underneath you.

Everything happened so fast you can't process it.

You suddenly remembered all the things in your life that had made you happy. Your lover's smile, your son's kicks, everything.

Is this what life flashing in your eyes feel like?

Groaning in pain, Vyn quickly got up in his feet to get you out of this wreckage immediately, because worst case scenario, the whole bus might explode.

He'd be dammed if that happens.

So he ignored the throbbing pain that shook his spine when he tried to stand up, he attempted to carry you to go out of the suffocating space.

Why is this happening? His whole body throbbed from the bruises created by the unexpected fall, but he didn't care.

He tried to scurry you to out of the bus' window, his feet the first to come out as he lifted you up and took you with him, every movement practiced with cautiousness.

Vyn panted, he wasn't very muscular, but this is a situation where even the smallest of hesitation could cost him your lives.

Once outside, he searched his phone from his pocket, dialing emergency. If he was panicking, he didn't show it in his features but anxiety and fear was definitely eating him up on the inside, barely making him rational.

"A bus crashed here at Stellin street on a cliff," He announced with enough sophistication as possible, "There are many civilians, please send help as soo as possible." he hung up when the other line said they're coming.

He lifted you up bridal style with all the strength left in him, and started to desperately climb the cliff. Luckily, the track was steep, he could climb in his best without a sweat. He was carrying you however, beads of sweat started falling from his forehead.

It's a long way, but he'll manage.

Your lives are at stake, he looked at your bloodied head, that was the only thing he needed to see to keep going. So he climbed, no matter how beaten and worn out body was, he tried so hard to put his foot forward, then the other foot, until the road above was seen. He didn't knew it was possible, but he reached the top, his whole body shaking with vigor.

"PLEASE HELP US!" His voice rang on the streets once up above. Vyn doesn't like shouting, he can't even remember the last time he raised his calm and collected voice, he barely recognized that it was he who shouted, but right now, he'll keep doing so until you are given help. It was deep into the night, no vehicles were in sight, not even a single taxi. His heart dropped.

He nearly lost hope and even contemplated to run to the nearest hospital on foot when he saw lights flash before him.

Emergency is here.

Hope bloomed in his chest as personnel rushed out of the vehicles, assisting the two of you, some others went down the cliff in a hurry to retrieve the other passengers.

First aid was immediately given once inside the ambulance. Vyn suffered minor injuries - a couple of bruises and cuts, so they just assessed him physically and bandaged his bruises up.

You however, suffered more than that as you were on the bus' side that sustained the most damage. They laid your limp body on the stretcher and started providing you apparatus to try to prolong your life.

Vyn was silent the whole ride, holding your hand and calling out your name whenever your heartbeat threatens to falter.

"Please don't die..." He begged with shaking eyes, his voice broken and raspy.

When you got to the hospital everyone got even more agitated, your heartbeat was weakening, and your losing so much blood from your head.

"We're going to operate her sir please stay back!" One of the nurses said as they blocked Vyn from entering the door.

"She suffered a concussion, we have to operate her ASAP for more chances of saving the baby as well." Vyn was so busy in his thoughts, that he didn't notice the doctor addressing him.

He can't find his voice. Not when his dreams are slowly getting shattered before him, "Okay." he nodded blankly, eyes devoid of emotion.

"Mr. Richter," The doctor put her hands on her chest, "Put your faith on us." her eyes glimmered with determination, "and on your wife."

Vyn's chest is hurting so bad, he wonders if his heart actually broke into pieces. There's a large possibility of you dying, he doesn't think he'll be able to handle that pain.

He mindlessly made his way on the chairs by the lobby, eyes empty and lifeless.

Sitting, he put his hands on his face, his heart heavy. He felt as though the world is crushing his shoulders, reminding him that you could disappear at any moment.

If he were to jump back in time and tell his past self that he'd be shaking in the hospital, quietly sobbing because someone he loves is dying, he would laugh at it's absurdity.

Or better yet, he would tell his past self to not fall for the blinding light that is you, so he can avoid this immeasurable pain, but he knows it all too well - he knows it deep in his soul that no matter how hard he tries not to love you, it'll all be for naught.

Dark clouds veil the once sunny blue sky, it's dancing hues of grey and black reflecting the storm brewing in his heart.

Time passed, it was still dark.

The clock ticked, it was still dark.

Or maybe it was because of the darkness wallowing up his mind? You were his light after all, and now that that light is getting dim, he wasn't so sure what to do or what to think of anymore.

He sat there for who knows how long, his lower body beginning to ache.

"Sir?"

Vyn's jaw tightemed. He wants nothing to do right now but give that reckless driver a lesson.

"Sir?"

It should've been him. The one who suffered your injuries should've been him instead. Then maybe you and his son would be safe, the ones in his place instead.

"Mr. Richter?" snapping his head up, he was met by the doctor's smile.

"Everything is fine now. The operation was a success. Both the treatment for the head injury and the emergency C-section. The baby is on the incubator, we are monitoring him as of the moment."

Vyn's eyes widened, not sure what to feel. His eyes began to well up tears but he held it in, like he always did. The doctor lead him to the room, and he wasn't prepared by the feelings that would hit him once he sees you again.

There you are, bandage covering your head, some were covering parts of your body because of bruises.

Seeing you like this burst a bubble in his chest. His years of bottled feelings, pent up emotions, and cold facade began to crumble at the sight of you breathing.

You were alive and breathing, his knees felt weak.

"Y/N..." He broke down as he silently cried, saying your name made him feel different kinds of things all at once. Joy, because your alive? Grief, because he wouldn't know what would happen to him if you were gone? Of all these feelings, one thing stood out - relief. He can feel you. You were warm. You were alive.

And you were wearing the fondest smile he's ever seen.

How can you smile like that? Even after all what you had suffered? Even after you were fighting with death? He just gazed at you in awe.

You truly are the light of his life. No matter how belowing the darkness may be, at the end of it all, your smile always remain in his heart, mind, and soul.

Just like now. Just like always.

"Y/N..." He pulled your hand to place it on his cheeks, "My love, I'm glad you didn't leave me."

"Shh Vyn," you wiped away his tears with your thumb, "I'm not going to leave you." you said with so much assertion, and he trusts you to keep your word.

After all, he trusts no one but you in this barren world.

"I love you," "I swear to my name that I'll protect you and our son, always."

"I love you too, Vyn." He kept sobbing, he knew he's better than wailing like a child, but he can't help it, not when you almost slipped away. "It's alright. Just let it out just like that..." You console him, your voice as warm and soothing as ever to his ears.

You're only one who's got enough of him to make his walls crumble pathetically, and emotions to overflow. The fear of losing someone he held dear was foreign to him before, but you made it frighteningly familiar. Frighteningly so that he doesn't want to experience that feeling of torture ever again.

Seeing you alive after nearly dying, is enough for the suppressed dam in his heart to break.

You're truly the first and last one he'll dedicate his love and life to forever.

do not repost © lavynrose 09/01/21

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

Open your eyes [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

Title: Open your eyes Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Female!Reader Word count: 5.8k Published: 23 May 2021 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Notes: My first Bucky fic, so go easy on me :D Warnings: Stabbing, shooting, injury, typical avengers stuff Summary: It’s been over two years since you met Bucky and slowly but steadily you grew closer to each other to the point where you started developing feelings for him. It seemed you were on the right path to maybe establish more than a friendship, but that was until he decided to push you away without an explanation.

Marvel Characters Masterlist | Masterlists

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You were running across the metal bridge of the submarine, trying to get to the engine room when you caught sight of a Hydra agent. You could have left him; you could have shot him. Either way you could have just followed the order you have been given and head to the engine room. But it was boring and at times you found recklessness more fun than to just follow orders that didn't satisfy your playful needs. As though you were a cat, you jumped from the bridge lending on the lower level, barely causing any sound that would be out of the ordinary. A proud smile appeared on your face as you sneaked up behind the man and tapped his shoulder. He turned around in a quick movement, gun pointing right at your chest.

"Well, hello pretty boy," you smirked, your tone inviting and flirtatious, causing the man to smile at you as though he lost focus of his mission. "It's a shame that you have to leave so soon," you chuckled, a devilish tone to your voice. His eyes widened as you grabbed his gun, pointed it upwards and stabbed your knife into his flash, a silent scream escaping his lips, before his body landed on the floor.

"Is this really necessary," Bucky appeared on the deck above you, jumping down to your level as he rolled his eyes.

"Is the big Bucky Barnes jealous?" You snickered. You knew he would never admit it, but you were more than just a fellow colleague of some sort.

"No?" He replied, though it was more of a question than a stern statement. "I just don't think all these little games of yours are unnecessary," he added quickly, trying to change the subject as he always did.

"Come on, Barnes, let me have fun," you groaned. "I like to play with my toys," you offered him a mischievous smile as you stepped closer to him, your chest flush against his. You felt his heartbeat quicken, his breathing turning shallow as your lips grazed across his. His light blue eyes usually held kindness behind them, but as a darker shade took over, you could feel his lust surface. "You could be one of them if you didn't play hard to get," you bit on your bottom lip as you jabbed your knife under his arm right into the man's stomach behind him. "I would treat you better though," you chuckled as you stepped back, swiftly pulling your knife out of the man. Bucky looked over his shoulder, his attacker lying across the metal floor. "You're welcome," you winked at him as he shook his head and rolled his eyes, but you didn't miss the tiny smile in the corner of his lips and the barely visible pink tint spreading across his cheeks.

"You know you could do all this without being too dramatic, right?" He asked, heaving a heavy sigh.

"What would be the fun in that?" You laughed, leaving the man behind, and heading towards the engine room.

It took you a couple of bruises and scrapes to get through the heavily protected area, but with Bucky's help you finally found yourself surrounded by the submarine's engines. "We are here, what now?" Holding onto your earpiece, you waited for a reply from someone who understood physics more than you did.

"There are two wheels, one on each engine," you heard Tony's voice and you started looking for the objects, walking around the gigantic metal machines surrounding you. "They look like circles," he added, earning a loud groan from you.

"Just because I don't understand engines, it doesn't mean I'm stupid, old man," you huffed, a silent chuckle leaving Bucky's lungs. "Do you think something's funny?" Your head shot back around; a deadly gaze directed at the man.

"Considering you have walked past the wheels twice already—" he snickered without finishing his sentence as he watched your face turn confused before a sharp exhale left your lungs.

"I hate both of you," you groaned as you stomped back towards one of the wheels, whilst Bucky grabbed the other one. As hard as you tried, yours didn't even move an inch, and whilst Bucky had his vibranium arm, even he was struggling with the jammed object. "You can barely turn it with your god-like powers, how am I supposed to move it?" You huffed as you watched him struggle. "Can't we just blow it up?" You asked somewhat trying to joke around, but partially being serious.

"No!" You heard Rogers' panicked voice. "No smashing, no blowing, nothing that could cause bigger damage," he instructed you in a firm tone.

"Fine!" You huffed. "You are boring," whining, you finally concentrated back on the wheels, but it didn't want to budge.

"Move," Bucky said as he stepped beside you and peeled your hands off the wheel.

"What a gentleman," you snickered, placing a hand on his shoulder. "There are a couple of other things in my room you could help out with," you chuckled as a loud, throaty groan left his lungs. It was a mystery if the sound was caused by your words, the hard work he was putting into moving the wheel or both for that matter. But either way, you loved riling him up.

"We are good," Bucky spoke in his earpiece as the submarine started moving again, causing you to unsteadily stumble back, before Bucky wrapped his arm around your waist and caught you. His gaze fell on you, watching you intensely, almost as though he was studying you. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm not sure what you mean," you replied with an innocent expression. "As far as I'm concerned you are the one holding me," your gaze turned to his arm, still wrapped around you strongly. As much as you wished to smile, you had to stop your facial muscles from forming a smile and giving you away. He quickly let go of you and heaved a heavy sigh.

"There's always a double meaning to your sentences, always telling me suggestive things, always flirting with me," he exhaled sharply.

"I thought I made myself very obvious," you chuckled, trying to mask how awkward you felt having to say what you felt out loud. "I like you, Barnes," his eyes widened at your words, but he quickly composed himself, as though a part of him already knew it.

"You can't keep thinking about things like this when we are busy trying to just survive missions after missions," his tone was commanding as if he was telling you to stop your feelings at all costs, but his gaze seemed different. It was soft and caring, the complete opposite of his words.

"The world is always in a war, it's inevitable. And even if I tried, I would not be able to just put a stop to my feelings. You know damn well that's not how it works," you scoffed.

"Well, you have to learn then. I'm over 100 years old, I could be your grandfather," he argued, earning a deep frown from you.

"James Buchanan Barnes, are you trying to make up excuses?" You asked as you folded your arms in front of your chest. "Because it sounds like you are trying to convince yourself why you shouldn't have feelings for me."

"I don't have time for this little game of yours," he replied sternly as he started heading back to the control room. You pulled a face, grimacing at the man, sulking in a child-like manner. "Just because I don't see you, it doesn't mean I don't know about the faces you make," he let out a silent chuckle, earning a confused look from you.

"God, you freak me out sometimes," you huffed as you followed in his steps.

"Can you two please stop flirting and get back?" Stark spoke up in your earpiece, earning an annoyed huff from you. Silently, you both headed to the upper deck to meet the rest of the crew, finally getting rid of Hydra on the ship, and stopping them from taking over the submarine.

It took another 5 hours for you to get back to the compound, but when you finally did, you dropped down on the couch in the lounge, exhaling deeply, feeling your body relax on the soft sofa.

"Some space would be nice," Natasha spoke standing beside the couch with a small smile and a questioningly raised brow.

"Just so you see how generous I can be," you smirked proudly and sat up, offering her the other side of the sofa.

"Very much so," she chuckled, but it quickly died down as Tony asked for your attention.

As usual, he talked about the efficiency and effectiveness of the mission and team performance and by the time he finished you were about to take a nap on Natasha's shoulder, drifting into a short slumber. But you couldn't sleep just yet as you felt her shoulder move, silently shaking you awake. You offered her a deadly gaze, before you realised everyone was already gone.

"Oh, we're done?" You asked as you looked around and stretched your back, standing up from the sofa. Natasha nodded in response and ushered you to head to your room, suggesting you didn't look too well which earned a grimace from you.

You attempted to rest and try to finally have a good night sleep, but unfortunately after hours of rolling and groaning you gave in. However you tried, you just couldn't get yourself to sleep and it left you frustrated. You wished to be able to control your mind and forget about certain things whenever you wanted, but unfortunately you couldn't do that, and it always left you with one particular person on your mind.

James Buchanan Barnes.

You were wary of him at the beginning, he was the Winter soldier after all, and you have heard and seen what he was capable of. But the trust Steve put in his friend pushed you to give him a chance too and you never regretted it. When you finally got closer to him and he opened up to you, talking about his past, you couldn't possibly imagine how he could keep himself in one piece. The pain, the trauma, the memories that haunted him scared you, even though you weren't the one living them all over again.

But somewhere along the line, you fell for him. You tried to spend more time with him and at first, he seemed interested, you were there for each other whenever in need, but something has changed. That night played in your head over and over again, hoping to understand what went wrong, but you couldn't find the solution.

You were seated on his bed, leaning against the headboard as he placed his head on your lap. Caressing his hair gently, playing with his long locks always soothed his worries and you hoped he would feel better. Sometimes you weren't sure how to make him feel better, so you did what you always did, listened to him.

"I— I can just hear their screams, the last terrified look in their eyes, the realisation that— that they are about to die," his voice was shaking as he stumbled across his words. You ran your fingers across his hair, removing the escaped locks from his face. "All these memories are coming back, and I just— I just don't know what to do," a heavy sigh left his lungs, as though trying to get rid of all the horrible memories.

"It's not your fault, you are not responsible for it. You weren't in your right mind, Bucky, they were controlling you" you tried to sooth his worries, but it didn't seem to work. He shook his head, another throaty sigh escaping his lips.

"But it was me. Regardless of not being in control of my own mind and body, it was still me," he groaned as sat up, looking into your eyes. Placing a hand on his cheek, you caressed his stubbly face, hoping it would calm him down. He tilted his head into your palm, enjoying the feel of your warm touch, but then he turned away and abruptly stood up.

"Hey, are you okay?" You asked as you stood up from the bed and walked up behind him, placing your hands on each of his shoulders, squeezing them reassuringly.

"I think you should leave," he spoke, but his gaze didn't meet yours again. He avoided looking at you and even though you wanted to object, you understood he needed space.

However, that space was standing between you for the past 3 months. You were understanding and supportive, knowing of his past it was inevitable that he needed to think things through, but you were tired of waiting. It's been 2 years since you fell for the man and it didn't help that he was always close to you physically, but never enough to be able to touch him mentally. You knew he wasn't indifferent towards you, there was an invisible connection between the two of you, but he clearly avoided you and paused whatever was going on before he decided to keep his distance. You tried to keep your cool and act as though it didn't affect you, but as time passed, it started to become hard to put on a brave face.

Shaking your head, trying to get rid of your thoughts, you jumped out from your bed. Attempting to cool yourself down, you headed to the kitchen to grab something to drink, your throat feeling as though it was covered in cotton.

"Can't sleep?" Rogers' spoke as he stepped inside the kitchen, watching you take out a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Not really. I'm guessing you are struggling too," you raised a brow, earning a nod from the man.

"I'm glad we can't sleep. I meant to talk to you," he spoke as you took a quick chug of your water, a questioning expression painted across your face.

"What about?" You asked with a deep frown. It wasn't often that Steve and you had anything to talk about unless it was to do with a mission. "If you plan to scold me for my behaviour today, just save it," you added, already prepared for his nagging.

"Actually, it's not about that. It's more of a personal matter," he replied as he took a seat at the dining table, pulling out the chair beside him to offer you a place to sit. You furrowed at the subject matter; personal subjects weren't your thing after all.

"What did I do?" You asked cautiously, earning a silent chuckle from Steve.

"Nothing, I just wanted to talk to you about Bucky," he spoke as your eyes widened in surprise. "I'm not blind, none of us are and your little conversation today didn't go unnoticed," he pointed at his ear. You felt your cheeks warm up as you realised, they have all heard your confession. Scrunching your nose, you awkwardly cleared your throat and whispered an apology. "No, no, don't apologise, please, it's fine. But it made me want to talk to you even more."

"I know you are Bucky's best friend, but I don't think we should have this discussion," you chuckled awkwardly, uncertain of how to react.

"I agree and I don't want to go into details. He is a very good friend of mine and it's not my place to talk about him with you, but I thought it would be important to tell you that since you have been around, he has changed. I know he doesn't show it well, but he cares for you. He just needs time to understand himself and you and the situation you are in," he explained with a soft smile.

"Do you think I don't know? I see how he looks at me, I see how he behaves around me. The little things that he does whenever I'm in need of help. But I can't possibly do anything when your friend makes up the stupidest excuses to suppress his feelings and pushes me away," you shook your head in response.

"Just give him time. He will come around. There's a limit to how long he can lie to himself," he attempted to encourage you.

"Look, I can't possibly understand what he has been through, but I can only hope he gets it together, because I'm running out of options," you pursed your lips in a humorous manner to lighten the mood as you stood up from your chair. "Two years, it's been two years, Cap," you chuckled darkly. "At this point, even a rejection is better than tiptoeing around our situation."

"Yes, I understand," he offered you a consoling smile. "Go, try to take some rest."

"Well, I wish I could," you smiled as you headed towards the exit. "Have a good night, Cap."

Another week passed and there was no progress in your situation. You caught Bucky's eyes on you, but each time your gaze met, he abruptly turned away. It felt as though you had tried everything to get close to him once again, but the man was stubborn and you were out of ideas. You were on the verge of giving up. Wanting to talk to him, you headed towards his room to tell him that you were done, and you understood that you were probably seeing things and maybe misinterpreting your situation, but before you could have reached his room, Stark stopped you.

"I need you," he said, grabbing your arm and fairly forcefully dragged you across the compound.

"You know, I could just follow you, right?" You asked with a deep frown as he finally let go of your arm and you continued in his steps, heading to the lounge.

As you arrived, Nat and Steve were already seated on a couch, whilst Barton sat at the table, waiting for Tony and you. Before you could even take a seat, Stark has already started explaining your mission against another Hydra hideout. According to his resources and F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s intel, it seemed it was only a small warehouse where they exchanged weapons and since the mission was a rather small one, not all Avengers were needed.

Within an hour you have already discussed the tactics and you were on your way to the warehouse not far from Texas. Taking an old S.H.I.E.L.D. jet that Tony tweaked up, you have arrived at the abandoned area within a couple of hours. Steve and Nat went straight for the entrance, whilst you and Barton used the backdoor, closing off any escape route according to F.R.I.D.A.Y.

But as you stepped inside the building, it became clear that the tactic you have discussed and the blueprint F.R.I.D.A.Y. showed has not been updated. "Is it just us or have you found yourself in a completely different part of the building too?" You asked Steve and Natasha through the earpiece as you looked around, realising nothing was even remotely similar to your expectations.

"Same here," Natasha replied with a heavy tone.

"Oh well, we like a good improvisation," you chuckled silently. "Let's get the party started."

"Stay aware," Rogers warned you, knowing how reckless you were at times.

"Pfft, yes boss," you replied with a grin and even though you couldn't see it, he shook his head.

Barton and you separated, each of you inspecting a different area of the building with all kinds of metal boxes hiding thousands of weapons in them. As you headed towards the back of the building, you heard gunshots from not far away and you started running in the direction of the noise.

"Which one of you was that?" You asked, but for a second no reply came.

"It was me, but it's all good now. Easy targets," Barton replied in a smug tone.

"Don't get cocky," Steve replied as you headed back in your direction.

"Yeah, yeah," he chuckled silently. You shook your head at the conversation, their bickering always making your mood a little lighter, a little happier.

As you continued to a segregated area, you heard the rumbling sound of a machine. Walking through the room, you held your gun up, ready to fire, but there wasn't a soul around, only a dozen desks. Arriving next to the computer on top of a desk connected to a large, old looking machine, you touched the seat in front of it, it's leather still radiating heat. It was enough information for you to know that someone was close by.

You didn't need more time to find out you weren't alone as the sound of a gunshot shook the room, the bullet grazing your face. You immediately ducked and jumped behind another desk as your opponents started shouting at you vigorously. Beside the table you peaked out to look at the size of your enemy as you caught 3 men, each hiding behind a table just like you did. Adjusting the gun in your hand, you turned it toward your first target, shooting him on the chest as he fell back with a loud scream.

Your next target was farther, but it didn't stop you from shooting him on the shoulder and his stomach. However, the third man was relentlessly shooting at you and all around the room not even trying to spare his bullets, so you hid back behind the table.

"Maniac," you whispered.

"Are you alright?" You heard Natasha's voice through your ear.

"Yep, I just have a mental-case on my hand," you replied as you started shooting back, hitting him right across the chest as he fell back, gasping for air. When everything turned silent, you could only hear the rumbling of the machines again. Standing up from behind the table you headed to the 3 men, gun in hand, ready to shoot if any of them were alive, but they were laying on the floor, limbs spread out in all kinds of directions, no sign of survival. You didn't think twice before you headed back to the computer and took out a USB stick to copy the files. However, as you waited for the process to finish, you heard a loud groan. Turning around in a swift movement you saw one of the men raising his gun at you, so you shot. But before your bullet could reach him, he fired his weapon, burning a whole straight in your abdomen, the pain forcing you on your knees as a silent cry left your lungs.

"Fuck," you swore as you held onto the side of the desk to assist you in standing up, whilst your other hand was trying to apply pressure on the wound, stopping you from bleeding out.

"That didn't sound good," you heard Steve's voice.

"No way, captain obvious," you groaned as you pulled out the USB stick, shoving it into your pocket and grabbed your gun, throwing its strap over your shoulder.

"Are you okay?" He asked, ignoring your previous comment.

"Been worse," you replied, attempting to hide the pain in your voice.

Trying to balance yourself against the wall, you headed towards the exit, but each step seemed heavier, more difficult to take. Another room and another room followed, and it felt as though the exit was running away from you. Stopping in one of the rooms, you slid down on the wall and took a seat on the floor, feeling like you didn't have energy anymore, not even to take another step further.

The pain was unbearable, worse than any other injuries you've ever experienced before. You've been shot before, but it was always somewhat numbing when you sat down to take a breather, but as you stayed still leaning against the wall, the pain just increased. Closing your eyes, you tried to think of happy thoughts. The first time you met the Avengers, feeling as though you found a new family, the first time you met Bucky, his child-like smile painted across his face as he introduced himself, though you've heard of him already. There were many happy thoughts running through your head as you slipped in and out of consciousness. You could hear someone's voice, but you weren't sure if it was through your earpiece or if someone was beside you, but it didn't matter anymore. It was tiresome to stay awake, so regardless of the voices telling you to open your eyes, you shifted into a deep slumber.

"You know, I wouldn't mind if you woke up already," you heard a voice, but you couldn't identify it nor could you see the person. It remained dark and somewhat scary where you were. It wasn't often that you felt terrified, but all your efforts to open your eyes seemed fruitless. The steady beeping of a machine beside you and the voice you heard seemed familiar, a cold feeling around your hand sending shivers through your body. You could hear your own groan, but it felt as though the voice didn't belong to you.

"You're safe! Come on, open those beautiful eyes," the voice tried to encourage you. "You can do it, I know you can. Just open them."

Another loud groan left your lungs as you fought hard against the darkness, before your eyes fluttered open, the bright lights above you burning your vision. As if your visitor could sense your discomfort, they dimmed the light as you felt the cold sensation disappear from your hand.

"Do me a favour and open those pretty eyes, okay?" He pleaded with you, his voice sounding familiar, his tone holding a great deal of worry. It took you a good few moments to adjust your vision to your surroundings, before you could force yourself to look around. Without a second glance you recognised the hospital wing of the compound, before your gaze fell on Bucky's scruffy face, clearly avoiding his razors lately.

"Hey," you wanted to greet him, but your voice was barely a whisper, your throat burning from the dry sensation.

"Wait, here," he stood up to offer you a glass of water and he gave you the end of the straw. Chucking it down, trying to regain moisture in your throat, you almost choked on the liquid. "Careful," he warned you as he took the glass from you. Luckily coughing up the liquid seemed to do the trick and within seconds you felt better.

"Thank you," you tried to smile, but it quickly disappeared as you attempted to sit up and a horrible pain shot through your stomach, making you cry out in pain. Bucky placed an arm behind your back and helped you into a seated position, watching as you squeezed your teeth tight, not to let out a sound. He shook his head disapprovingly and that's when you realised the dark circles under his eyes, the deep frown between his brows as if they were permanently stuck there and his lips chapped from dehydration. "You look awful," you snickered, but the pain in your stomach quickly put an end to it.

"Not worse than you," he replied with a soft smile, the wrinkles between his brows started to slowly flatten.

"That I believe," you nodded, feeling as bad as you possibly looked. "How did I end up here? Last time I checked I was in the warehouse," you asked with a humorous tone, but Bucky's face quickly turned concerned.

"It's not funny. They found you unconscious and they brought you back. You've been out for days. You were covered in blood, in and out of consciousness. How could you be so reckless to get shot?" He scolded you and for once you felt guilty.

"I know, I could have jeopardised the mission," you added with a heavy sigh.

"What?" He asked with a stunned expression, furrowing at your words. "Who cares about the mission? You could have gotten yourself killed," he raised his voice, filled with concern and anger. You've never seen so many emotions from him nor has he ever raised his voice with you.

"I'm sorry," you apologised, another rush of guilt taking over you as you let your head fall forward. It wasn't your intention to get shot after all, it just happened, because once again you were reckless and didn't pay attention to the details.

"I'm just glad you are okay," he added as he sat down beside you.

"Oh, were you worried about me?" You chuckled, trying to lift his tense mood.

"Yes, I was," he stated firmly, concern clearly painted across his face.

"Is it a friendly worry," you asked with a mischievous smile, "or it's an 'I almost lost the love of my life' worry?" You snickered playfully.

"It's an 'I'm going to murder you next time if you try something like this' kind of worry," he huffed, earning a heartfelt laughter from you, but it quickly disappeared as the pain shot through your stomach, as though someone stabbed you. "Stop playing around, can't you just be serious once?" He groaned, your recklessness playing with his nerves.

"You made me laugh, so don't nag me," you pulled a face, an annoyed grimace which earned a disapproving look from the man as he leaned back in his chair, folding his arms in front of his chest. "If I knew I needed to get myself almost killed to get your attention, I would have done it earlier," you replied with a humorous tone, but with a straight face, trying to lift the mood once again. Of course, you knew it could have gotten you killed, and you were glad that you were alive and fairly well, but it was easier to joke around than to stay serious.

Bucky shot up from his chair and started walking up and down in front of your bed. "You know it could have ended worse, right?" He asked with a stern look and you nodded in response, this time stopping yourself from trying to joke around. "You could have died," you weren't sure where he was going with it, but from the grave and solemn emotions across his face, you knew he was very serious. "What if you died, huh? You wouldn't be joking around now; you would be six feet under the ground. Would that be funny?" He asked, almost as though he was demanding an answer.

"No, it wouldn't, and I don't want to die obviously. I just didn't want to see you so worried so I thought it would be better if I joked around and you would be less— I don't even know, tense I guess," you huffed as you played with your fingers in your lap nervously. Bucky heaved a heavy sigh as he sat down in the chair beside you and placed his elbows on the edge of your bed, watching you intently. He lifted your hand and leaned his forehead against your knuckles as he closed his eyes, a comforting silence falling between the two of you. "I'm sorry," you apologised again, this time sincerely. You never wanted to make him so worried, let alone see him this concerned. He shook his head, but he didn't open his eyes.

"I was worried because you were dying, but that wasn't the only reason," a heavy sigh left his lungs as he lifted his head and kissed your knuckles, his words leaving you in confusion. His gaze fell on you, watching and studying you as though he was trying to read you. "I was worried because I thought I would lose you before I could have even told you how I felt. I was worried because all this time I have been pushing you away instead of giving us a chance and I thought I would never be able to tell you this. I honestly thought I was about to lose you and it was eating me up from the inside," you took your hand from his and placed it on his cheek, caressing his stubble as he placed his hand on yours, leaning into your touch. "When I heard your voice and watched you fighting to wake up, it felt like I got a second chance with you."

"And what about all your excuses? You are older, you are broken, your mind is not there. What about all of those excuses?" You raised a questioning brow, but you couldn't hide the tiny smile in the corner of your lips.

"I still think I'm older than you," he replied with a wider grin this time.

"And here we go, James Barnes is back with excuses," you huffed shaking your head as you rolled your eyes.

"I will always think like that, but it doesn't mean I love you any less," your eyes grew wide at his sudden confession, a shocked expression taking over your facial muscles.

"Lo— love me?" You asked, stumbling through your words, feeling like you were dreaming, like you were in an alternate universe, an unfamiliar scenario playing.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips, a soft smile spreading across face. "Yes, I do love you."

His words once again shocked you, but as he repeated them, they started to feel more real. "Does— does that mean that– that you would like to give us a chance?" You stuttered, your own confidence betraying you.

"I would like nothing more," he smiled softly as he squeezed your hand. You watched his blue eyes, trying to understand if it was indeed reality or if you were in some sort of dream, but the genuine, loving expression across his face, his eyes holding your gaze endearingly gave you all the answers you needed.

"It took you long enough to open your eyes," you scolded him, but you couldn't mask your happiness. "So, how is it going to be? Do I have to wait for the first kiss until our first date? Sorry, I only dated people my age," you snickered playfully. He shook his head with a wide grin across his face as he stood up and leaned closer to you, hinting a small kiss on your forehead.

"There's your kiss," he chuckled as you pouted, his actions making you feel soft as though you were more than just an agent, but a woman once again.

"What about on the lips?" You asked with an awkward smile.

"You really are impatient," he replied with a scolding tone, but a cheeky smile in the corner of his lips and he did as you wished and connected his lips with yours, kissing you softly, filled with love and care. As he pulled away, he sat back in his seat, both of you beaming happily. A warm sensation rushed through your body when he held onto your hand again, leaning his face against your knuckles, his happy, worriless smile making you mirror his expression. In that moment, you were just plain happy and no one could take that away from you.

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[ilovebokutokoutaro]

Faded

Langa x reader

Warnings : self harm, mental abuse, physical abuse, crying, screaming, abandoning, depression, blood and angst and angst, not proofread.

Overview : Angst.

When your boyfriend, langa, left for japan, you knew you'd be lonely. They were your only family, you had no one except them, his father's death had hit you so hard you could kill yourself but you had to stay strong for langa. Living alone with no one by your side soon became a routine, the routine you had before you met langa, his family, they loved you.

Your father was straight up a drunkard and your mother, let's just say she opened legs for other men more than she opened her arms for you to hug or if she ever did.

You couldn't leave to stay with langa and his family, when your parents fought, resulting with you lying in your room after being hit by them, they needed to let their anger out and who was the best to blame except you? You were the reason they were both like this, they had said, hitting you over and over untill they calmed themselves down.

Your friends were worried for you, not only had langa left but also you were covered in new bruises and injuries almost every other day, barely eating or talking.

Langa called daily at first but soon his calls lied from once a week to once a month before you could comprehend anything that was happening. He would tell you everything about japan, his new friend reki, how he met so many people who skated so amazingly it was enchanting. Maybe the network wasn't so good on his side, that must be the reason he couldn't see your eyes hanging dull, your body looked like nothing but bones and skin, all the bruises, the injuries must be not so visible with a poor network.

He loved you afterall, he'd worry too much either way so it's okay. "Oh God reki is so awesome, you know y/n" and the rest you never heard your ears ringing in pain, as much as you wanted to listen to him, it hurt. The way he ignored all your well being and focused on some strangers he had met just a few months ago. it hurt so much but you couldn't speak it out, so you chose to end the call abruptly.

Sobbing into your knees, you sat on the bed feeling ever so lonely, you were starting to question everything and anything. Why were you even alive at this point, if only you died somehow. Soon it became a routine, crying till you passed out for an hour or so then getting up to go to school.

Your social media had died down to nothing, your life had died down to nothing. You were so tired of everything at this point, a murdered would stab you with a knife and you'd thank him for it. Soon langa's facetimes turned into voicecalls after your abrupt ending of the call.

You'd still receive calls from his mother but you barely picked them anymore, to say she was worried was an understatement. But langa was so busy, so happy with his life she couldn't get to tell him how worried she was for you.

you had started deeming yourself unworthy of living, of being with anyone, the mental and physical abuse from your parents only worsening to the point you couldn't breathe straight. You had switched to self harm as a coping method sooner than you had thought.

Not long before suicidal thoughts picked at your brain all the time, you were starting to fail classes, anyone could see how miserable you were, but no one ever cared enough to talk to you, or so you said, pushing everyone out.

It's been weeks since you last talked to langa, since you last went to school, choosing to burry yourself in your room instead. You parents were happier than ever, there abuse starting to get negligible, they weren't even near you anymore. your mother being pregnant with another child from your father. They were ecstatic, but you were not a part of it, the celebration stayed between them and their friends, tho your parents had started treating you better.

You found yourself falling deeper the more you struggled, your mental health declining to the point you were starting to loose all hopes in yourself. Your hate for others soon turned to hate for yourself and your self harm increased, many times your father would see your lying in you bedroom with bloody wrists, they were all worried for you, they stated, "go to therapy, y/n. We don't want to loose you" your mother sobbed to which you stayed there not moving. She hugged you, cried till you nodded your head. But therapy brought no good, just dragging you further down.

Langa had started getting worried sick and so was his mother, he had ranted about everything to his friends, whatever your friends told him. He wanted to talk to you even if once more, but you were fixed on isolating yourself more and more.

It was not long before you called langa, "I'm sorry, i was busy" you said, your voice was nothing more than emotionless and he begged you to tell him what was wrong but you stayed silent, his worry soon ending up with him screaming for you but you never answered. Not before he heard a loud crack and your parents screaming your name.

Langa stood frozen as he heard your parents cry and scream for you to wake up. He just wanted to pretend you were okay and alive. He was sitting in joe's restaurant, silently sipping the juice he was given as reki and shadow tried to distract him, suddenly his phone rang cutting off the awkward silence, and his mother told him to stay wherever he was and that she was coming to pick him up.

He just wanted to pretend you were okay, but it all came shattering down as his mother banged the door open, her face stained with tears as she fell on her knees sobbing and crying about how you had hanged yourself the day you called him, everyone remained silent, langa only sitting there not moving a muscle, oh God he wished he had stayed with you just a bit longer, called you a bit often, asked you if you were okay, he was selfish so selfish, if only he had noticed everything before maybe just maybe you would be talking to him rn.

Reki and shadow tried to comfort his mother who was now sobbing on the ground while langa just sat there frozen. He never thought a little lack of his concern could drive you to killing yourself. He wanted to blame someone and as much as he hated it he was the only right choice he found. Langa's phone pinged, a message from your mother's number. A page, stained with blood and tears, coming in his sight.

He saw your beautiful handwriting turn into nothing but a mess,

"I'm sorry, i love you i swear i do. But it was so hard living like this langa, there was no one, no one. I was so lonely so lonely, i thought cutting myself would do me any good, but it only drove me into more hunger for blood, and soon i wanted more than the stinging pain against my skin. I wanted to kill myself before i even knew it, you looked so happy when you called me that time. Stay smiling like that for me forever won't you? I'm sorry again langa i love you."

The letter was so abrupt as if you were in a hurry, as if you were dying. And he started sobbing before he knew it, surprising not only himself but everyone around him. His mother only teared up more she saw him crying. Cherry and joe desperately trying to calm the mother and son down.

It was a mess, the mess you left behind for them to handle, the mess you were going through all alone now cut short and stuck to everyone who loved you. Maybe if they all noticed sooner you'd have been here. Maybe just maybe if they told you they loved you sooner you would've been here.

..........

A/n: hey, so uhm idk i just wrote this in a flow. Just know if you, or someone you know is going through Something you can always seek help or go try to help someone, nothing you'd say to a depressed person would ever be meaningless, maybe your kindness saves a soul. Hope you all are doing fine hahhaha. Lot of angst for a day whew.

Anyway, thank you for reading🥺🥰🥰. Reblogs and likes are always appreciated 🥺☺️💜

[mm2305]

Radiance

Book : The Elementalists

Pairings : Beckett Harrington x f!MC (Celeste Russell)

Words/rating : 1.7 K / teen +

Warnings : mention of death, injuries

Genre : romance, little bit of angst

Description : Hurt : a series about Beckett's thoughts during the times MC was hurt. Added scenes (non-canon).

Pt 1 : Radiance

A/N : Hello everyone I'm back with another fic, this time in a new book and characters. I loved "the elementalists" and this is how I came up with the idea of writing a series about Beckett's feelings/thoughts when mc was hurt/fighting. In this part we're at bk 1, during/after the battle with Raife. This will be a 2 part series, if I manage to write another part, but no promises on when it'll be ready. No beta so all mistakes are mine.

Enjoy!

Masterlist

The battle against Raife and the shadow creatures was full on, all Pend Pals fighting with everything they got to cause damage to Raife, catch him off guard, buy the twins some time. Yet, as Beckett was using his magick against a monster, restraining it, he couldn't help but look at Celeste, worried as he was about her well-being. 

With a single glance though, he was gone.

She was majestic. There was no other word to describe her. He was in awe of her radiance every single time. She evidently was a capable woman, moving rapidly around the room, casting spells automatically, jumping over obstacles, hands stretched out to incapacitate anything and anyone approaching her. Using her sword to cut through the shadows, fire in her eyes, her powerful presence palpable in the room, silently supporting, encouraging everyone to just keep going. 

That was something that always emitted from her, her radiance, something you could see, you could sense in her. Some would think it’s because of her attunement but Beckett knew it was all because that’s who she is, attunement or not,always shining as bright as the sun itself. 

She never gave up, not once. She learned about a whole new world and a whole new version of herself. She didn’t  back down. Instead she fought hard to reach her full potential. She excelled in everything and everyone could see it. She was attacked multiple times by creatures as dark and dangerous as the night, yet she always kept her head up. She fought against a madman once and she came back to do it again. To save her new-found sister, her friends, the world.

She was fierce yet gentle. Loving, friendly, funny. Beautiful and dashing. Smart and brilliant. Sarcastic and passionate.

She was forgiving. She forgave him, when he couldn’t forgive himself for being the cause for her to get hurt. He hadn’t meant for it to happen, but it did. With a smile and a soft hand on his cheek, looking straight into his eyes, she forgave him.

Celeste Russell was everything. 

And he wouldn't lose her. 

In that moment their eyes met for a second. Two pairs of eyes locked in a blazing gaze, two hearts thundering as one and two small smiles on their faces. At that brief moment, it was like they were the only people in the world. 

They realized they had another thing to be fighting for. One another. They would make it out of there alive. There was no other acceptable way. 

Drawing strength from that single look, they turned back to their opponents, their efforts doubled in determination to not give up. 

After a while though, even when things seemed to be turning in their favor, each member of the group was falling down. Raife was strong. Extremely strong. 

Beckett was the only one left standing, his muscles strained painfully, teeth clenched, sweat starting to drip down his furrowed brow, trying to suppress the chains from crashing onto him. He couldn't afford to lose, Celeste needed all the help she could get, he repeated to himself like a mantra. Yet, despite his efforts, he was feeling his magick wavering and she could see that too. She pleaded with him to keep going, but before she could give him a boost, the chains fell on him, pinning him to the floor, knocking the air out of his lungs. 

Celeste let out a desperate scream of agony, swearing that she would make Raife pay for everything he had done. Beckett could notice that she seemed on the verge of tears yet the fire in her eyes was so intense, that if possible, would burn through anyone who dared to look at them.

Everything was starting to become more and more blurry. He tried to keep his eyes open, because he knew that if he did not, it would be very difficult for him to do so again. 

He was catching glimpses from the fight between the twins and Raife and he was glad to see they had been going well for a little while. But the next time he looked at them, they were both restrained to some kind of platform. He willed his muscles to come to life and go help them, do something, anything, but the only thing he achieved was to intensify the pain, a small groan escaping his lips. 

Celeste looked his way sorrowfully and he tried as hard as he could, to fight the darkness and the incredible urge to close his eyes. 

The last thing he remembers before darkness enveloped him, was softly whispering "I'm sorry" and a pair of warm  brown orbs burning deep into his heart. 

-\- 

When he came around, his chest and body felt lighter and breathing had become easier. He could still feel pain all over his exhausted form but darkness wasn't creeping in on him. He realized someone was softly stroking his cheek, occasionally threading their fingers through his hair, whispering to him. He tried to focus on the voice and with a sudden burst of energy, he opened his eyes upon recognizing the voice. 

"Beckett?", she breathed, tears running down her face. 

It was the first time he was seeing her cry. Was it because of him? Or was she finally breaking down after everything that happened? Whatever the case, he found himself wanting,needing to soothe her, comfort her. 

"C-celeste… are… you a-alright ?", he asked her, his voice a bit hoarse from the dust around the room, lifting his hand to wipe the tears off the side of her face. 

She chuckled, leaning into his touch, breathing deeply and closing her eyes for a brief moment, as though savoring this feeling. 

" You're the only person I know who would be worried about me, when you're the one who was under a ton of chains. How are you feeling? Are you in pain?", she carefully checked him over searching for any visible injuries. 

"I'm exhausted and to be honest yes, my body aches all over but I'm okay I promise"

"Okay. But I'm keeping an eye on you, so tell me if you feel any pain, alright?"

Nodding, Beckett allowed his eyes to wander around the room, noticing the destruction in it. The room was full of rubble, pieces of what once was the roof, scattered everywhere, having coated everything in dust. 

"I'm guessing everything went well while I was out?", he started sitting up, leaning against the wall. 

Celeste wordlessly helped him up before she answered, resting her forehead on his shoulder, taking a deep breath. 

"Yes. Professor Swan came to help and it turns out she is a Blood-Att too, but she was defeated. Me and Atlas were… close to the end-" 

"What?! You-you almost…", he couldn't even utter the words. "Oh God... you could have… died and I…wouldn't have been able to do anything to stop him, to -" 

"Beckett! Hey… I'm alright now see? I'm here with you and I don't intend to leave you anytime soon."she said gently to him, putting her hands on his cheeks, reassuring him.

A moment passed before she continued.

" So when me and Atlas touched our hands saying goodbye, we had a burst of refractionary magick. I… ended him Beckett. I did it myself. I don't regret it, but that makes me wonder... Does that make me a bad person? ", she looked up at him worried. 

He turned to her, his earnest gaze reaching deep into her soul. "Celeste. Look at me and listen carefully. You could never be a bad person. Honestly you are the most compassionate , brave and kind woman I have ever met. Please don't doubt yourself, ever. He deserved everything he got and more for all the things he did to you and so many other people."

"Really?"

"Really."

Celeste sighed in relief, nestling deeper into his side. "Thank you Beck. You always know what you say to make all my worries fade away."

Wrapping his arms around her, Beckett rested his cheek on her head, kissing her hair. "Anytime. How is everyone doing?" 

"They are going to be okay. When we finished with Raife we were unconscious for a bit. When I woke up, professor Kontos and Aster were here taking everyone through some kind of portals. They were all unconscious but fine. I… stayed with you for a bit trying to wake you up and I was going to call them because you weren't coming around but then you did so… "

"Ah thank goodness we're all fine.", he exclaimed, relieved, his head falling back onto the wall behind him. 

"I knew you were a softie for Pend Pals!"

They both laughed softly, glad to have survived this relatively well. 

"Beckett?", Celeste broke the comfortable silence that had settled over them. 

"Hmm?" 

"I'm… very glad you're okay. When you fell unconscious… I was worried you'd never wake up again…and then you weren't responding and… I can't lose you Beck, I just can't. Not you", Celeste let out an involuntary sob, her arms tightening around him. 

"Oh Celeste… it's okay, I'm okay… I'm here sweetheart…I'm not leaving you... ", he whispered in her ear, rubbing her back in soothing cycles, his heart breaking at the sight of her crying. 

She took a deep breath and looked at him with a vulnerability that he rarely saw in her. "Will you promise me something?" 

" Anything." 

"Don't scare me like that again. Ever. Please.", she said, her voice breaking again at the end, the sobs wreaking through her body. 

Beckett tightened his hold around her pressing soft kisses to her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks and finally on her lips,silently promising her to do anything she asked from him. 

The kiss started slow and gentle, but quickly turned passionate,both of them trying to pour all their emotions into the kiss. Celeste wrapped her arms around his neck pressing herself closer to him, deepening the kiss, almost desperate to feel that this was real, that he was okay. Beckett let her do as she pleased with him, happy and relieved to have her in his embrace,breathing in her natural vanilla smell, his hands roaming across her body, bringing her closer to him,losing himself in her.

They parted away from each other, giggling, upon hearing Aster's worried voice calling for them. 

"Celeste? Did Beckett wake up?" 

"Yes Aster we're here!" 

She kissed him again briefly, helping him get up and linked their hands together, her bright smile back on her face. 

"Let's go home, shall we?" 

Beckett grinning back at her, allowed her to lead him towards Aster, ready for the next chapter in their lives at Penderghast.

-/-

A/N : thank you for reading this! Every single like, comment and reblog is appreciated! ❤️

The elementalists taglist : @gryffindordaughterofathena @starryeyedrookie @theclassycandy @miss-smrxtiee @itsjustwinter @strangelycami

+ @choicesficwriterscreations

[degenerate-otaku]

Hey guys! Have another Future Gohan and Trunks oneshot!

TW: Self harm reference

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13896221/1/Before-the-Rain

----------------------------------------------

Trunks buried his face in his master's chest, holding his hand that he had left, sobbing quietly.

 

“What's up, little bro?” A weary voice spoke.

Trunks lifted his head, the tears glistening in his eyes as he saw his smile.

“Gohan? You're awake?!” He blinked, not believing it, then hugged him tightly.

 

“Ow!” Gohan winced, making Trunks back away.

“Sorry...” The boy didn't look him in the eye.

 

“Where's your mom?” Gohan asked, slowly sitting up, Trunks giving him some water.

“She's...not home, but she'll be glad to see you.” The teen, laughed, then bit his nails, avoiding his true feelings.

“How long was I out?” Gohan observed his bandages and the machinery monitoring him.

“Few days...” Trunks shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed, still fiddling with his jumper and biting his nails.

 

“What's up?” Gohan knew when Trunks did that it meant he was anxious.

“Nothing...just...surprised.” The boy weakly smiled, then turned to look at the clock.

“Hey...we said no more lies, remember?” He reminded Trunks of their promise.

“I know...It's just...” The teen Demi-Saiyan's voice cracked as he sobbed again,

“It was my fault! If I wasn't so stubborn on going with you, you would have been ok, but now your arm is gone and-”

 

"Woah, woah! Slow down...I'm still tired, you know?“ He smiled, as if it wasn't that serious. Trunks felt like many downplayed his problems, saying he was only a kid.

 

”Look...please don't blame yourself.“ His voice was as soft as the lavender locks of hair his hand ruffled through.

”No one can see the future...hindsight really sucks, huh?“ 

Gohan pulled his student a bit closer and adjusted himself slowly, the boy helping him.

 

”Yeah...but I should have trained harder to be more useful!“ Trunks clenched his fists, almost drawing blood from them.

”Hey, now...thinking like that won't help...especially now its over.“ He reached out, grabbing hold of his wrist.

 

”Sometimes you can be your own worst enemy. Remember...just try to be a little bit better than you were yesterday. You can't get stronger than them in the space of a few months, that's for sure.“ Gohan's words of wisdom were strangely comforting.

 

”I know...but still...“ Trunks rubbed his tired eyes that had visible dark circles.

”I get it...anyway,“ He tried to move things onto a lighter note.

”At least we're both alive. Here, let me see your injuries.“ He slid Trunks' stretched jumper sleeve over his forearm and saw the many bandages.

 

Trunks inwardly panicked, hoping he'd move on.

”Are...these all from the battle?“ Gohan asked, full of concern for his brother, who had been struggling with bouts of depression. He knew of his coping mechanisms.

 

”Uh, yeah.“ Trunks lied and Gohan saw straight through it.

”Hey. Remember: No lies.“ He gazed into the boy's sapphire eyes and it all came out from the teen,

”I-I'm sorry, I just was so alone, and I just fucking hate myself, I'm such an idiot, please-“ 

 

”Trunks.“ He grasped the boy's left shoulder with his right, and only, hand.

”You aren't in trouble.“ He told him, making Trunks sigh relievedly,

”Really? So, you won't tell my mom?“ 

”Well...I will, but that's just so she knows what's going on.“ He answered, trying to calm him.

 

”But she'll worry about me!“ Trunks argued.

”She's your mom...she's always gonna worry. By telling her you aren't coping, you aren't making her life worse...it means she gets to help you...Bulma loves helping people.“ He responded.

 

Trunks paused.

”Well, I guess...that's right...it's just hard to open up about it.“ He had another look at his cut up arms.

”I'll help you, don't worry...“ He smiled, offering Trunks a space on the bed. He hopped on, holding Gohan not too tightly as he stroked his hair.

 

”You're the one comforting me...but you're the one who nearly died.“ He sighed.

”Trunks, it doesn't matter to me...what matters is...you're safe and well. I really love you, you know?“ Gohan reminded him.

 

”Yeah...I know...I love you too...I was so scared, I thought you were gonna...“ Trunks worried again.

”I know...let's just stop thinking about it...I'm tired now, I'm sure you must be too.“ Gohan noticed the state the boy seemed to be in.

 

”Let's just go to sleep, alright?“ He suggested and his student nodded.

Soon, the pair were asleep, safe and warm in each other's embrace.

 

'Gohan...I'm not gonna let you down again!' 

Trunks thought before succumbing to sleep's comforting hold. 

[ashren]

More Charlie Lore!

I ended up writing a lot more than I meant to so it's once again under a cut bc it's just a wall of text mostly

Their story and background is still a wip so some of these details might change eventually but anyway!! Some more info on Charlie and ghosts in general ☺️

Charlie died at 22, in 2008. They heal in the Afterlife and seem to stop aging. (They find out later they actually just age incredibly slowly)

They also can ‘die’ if they're injured enough. They're still human enough that they need the now ectoplasmic blood flowing through their body, however, they do have enhanced healing, so they can take more damage than a regular human.

They also have the ability to heal others, but at the cost of taking on the injury themselves. So, if they were to heal a paper cut on someone's thumb, then it would appear on Charlie, and would take as long to heal on Charlie as it would for a normal person. (AKA, Charlie can't take on someone's injury and then heal with their accelerated healing faster than the hurt person would have healed. Charlie's a ghost so I'm trying not to make them too op lmfao)

When Charlie visits other Plains, time for their world still moves normally while they're gone. They can't time travel in their own Plain, timelines are still linear, so if they spend 5 months in Halcyon with the crew, when they return back to their version of Earth, 5 months have passed there as well. (Charlie's Earth isn't the same Earth Ren is from, they're just very similar but different Plains)

Charlie grew up in [Redacted], in a shitty apartment in the city with their dad. They didn't grew up with a lot of money, but it never really bothered Charlie, they were happy with their dad.

Charlie’s dad died when they were 16. He got sick.

After that, they end up having a pretty uneventful life for a little bit, aside from lying about their age so they could live alone in the apartment after their dad died and not get taken away. But they keep their head down and finish school with good grades, goes to a community college while working for a few years to save money and eventually gets into a pretty good university with a really good scholarship which is where they start studying whatever the field is that would study the Afterlife or Plains.

(I'm still working on naming stuff bc it turns out world building is hard)

I have some stuff in the middle, too, like Charlie has some friends (whose names i haven't landed on yet) that help them out after their dad first dies and they eventually look into Charlie's disappearance after they die, and a kindly older lady neighbor who pretends not to know that Charlie is 16 after their dad dies and covers for them a lot. She leaves them “leftovers she could simply never finish” all the time, especially when Charlie first starts college, etc.

After Charlie is injured and then dumped in the Afterlife, they heal and spend almost a decade in the Afterlife trying to adjust to being a ghost, because they don't know they're not fully dead yet.

i have a LOT of ghost lore which will probably be its own post some time bc it's a seriously unnecessary amount of lore but the important part for Charlie is that most of the time ghosts can't really use their ‘powers’ for longer than a few seconds, maybe minutes in another Plain, if they can even appear at all. But Charlie, because they're still part alive, can sustain their form in the Real World still.

Howeverrrrrr, Charlie healed with ectoplasm so they also took on a ghostly form. In this world ghosts, when fully visible, look similar to what they looked like while alive, but with everything wrong. Sharp teeth, pointed ears and talon like fingers, glowing eyes, general spooky stuff. Powerful ghosts can disguise themselves as human momentarily (hence ppl seeing non spooky ghosts. cuz some ghosts are just ppl wanting to say hi) and bc Charlie is a weird mix of alive and dead, they can appear human for extended periods of time without using too much energy.

ANYWAY Charlie accidentally figures all this stuff out the hard way when they're sucked through another opening like the one they'd been thrown into when they died, and landed back on Earth in 2017.

and that'a a bit of what i have so far! it's fun writing about a completely originally character but i also am loving the idea of just dumping them in Halcyon for a while hehe

(@the-lastcall (tagging u bc you had asked about more charlie info 👀) )

[jordluna]

Problems With the Government (Natasha x daughter!reader)

Summary: Reader is about 15 and gets hurt during a press conference with Natasha. Also the press conference is set outside Capital hill.

TW: Injuries

You've always known that your mom was the Black Widow. She's trained you ever since you took your first steps, so you were pretty skilled in combat and always had a dream of joining Shield when you were old enough. You even had your own missions that you would accomplish.

Even though you were almost as good as Natasha in fighting, you still got your fair amount of injuries. None of them this bad though.

*****

You watch as an angry crowd of reporters and protestors are gathering outside your small apartment screaming and cursing from underneath your balcony. Natasha grabs her purse while whispering curse words under her breathe.

"Mom, what's going on?" you ask worriedly but she just sighs and turns on the TV. You watch as the news is talking about how Shield's secrets and files got leaked somehow. You gasp visibly shocked as to how this could have happened. Sure you knew how to hack into Shield's database but you would never do it.

"Who did this?" As soon as you say that you then see a photo of her on the screen, with new reporters claiming that it was her.

"I had to y/n. Shield was compromised, I'm sorry." She says as you stare at the list of all the killing's she was involved with along with you, because of your missions.

"I get why you did it. It's just going to be hard adjusting I guess since everyone knows who we really are." She nods while rubbing your back as you look out the window and see camera's now flashing.

Natasha takes out her phone from a text from Fury saying that you both have a press conference to attend to.

As you two exit the apartment your mother holds a tight grip on your arm as reporters and angry people scream and rally around you both as you try to enter your car. You both try your best to ignore the hateful accusations that you and your mother are cold blooded murders. How could people be this ignorant and not see that you guys were trying to protect the world?

You enter the car as people snap photos of you guys. Your mother drives away quickly as you watch the riot egg your car.

"That was interesting." You say trying to make light of the situation. Natasha smiles slightly but then you are interrupted by thousands of text messages from your now ex friends.

Your face falls as you read the hurtful messages, not failing to be unnoticed by Natasha.

"What's wrong y/n?" Natasha asks as you approach capital hill. You get out of the car and show her the texts. Her heart breaks as she reads what your so called friends are saying to you.

"I guess people have been watching the news." You say angrily. You can tell she's a little tense when walking up to the podium to speak so you give her hand a reassuring squeeze and stand behind her. As you look to your left you see Clint and Fury have joined too.

"I know you all know who I am, and I'm truly sorry you had to find out." She starts to say as the crowd dies down and more camera flashes appear. "I have done a lot of terrible things in my life, for this country and against it."

"I would like to apologies,"

Before she could a loud gunshots erupt the air. Clint grabs your mother as you and her began to take out your guns as you hear people screaming. Before you spot the shooter you hear one last gun shot, then the police take them down.

You immediately rush to your mother who looks relieved to see you're okay but then her eyes travel to your stomach and her fear sets in. Since the adrenaline is wearing off you no start to feel the pain in your stomach and look down and see the oozing blood coming out. You put pressure onto the wound but your vision becomes blurry from the loss of blood and you tumble into Natasha's arms.

"You're okay baby. Mama's here, I'm right here." Natasha says as tears form in her eyes. Clint was able to get the paramedics attention but not before your vision went black.

*****

The next thing you knew you woke up in a hospital bed with Natasha holding your hand crying.

"M-mom what's wrong?" Your voice cracks a little bit due to being dry. Her head shoots up realizing that you're awake. She quickly dries her tears up and passes you a glass of water.

"I'm so glad you're awake y/n." Her smile immediately falls as you wince feeling the immense pain in your gut. "Sweetie tell me what hurts."

"My stomach hurts pretty bad." She gets a nurse who administers some pain medication in your I.V.

"I'm so sorry I got you caught up in all of this y/n. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have been shot and in the hospital. I didn't protect you."

"Mom, it's not your fault. No matter how hard you try to protect me, there are sometimes you can't and that's okay." A tear rolls down her cheek.

"I love you y/n." She says softly as your eyes start to close from the pain medication.

"I love you too mama."

[fantasiesandbooks]

Hello writer I love Hearts Don’t Break Round Here! I'm a fan of the story since I will celebrate my 23rd birthday on sunday can you make a scenario for me w/ Chanyeol please?? wherein he and y/n are both doctor but they have aren't in good terms but Chanyeol has a hidden feelings for her? Can you write it for me? pretty please I'll be happy if you write one for me! Thank you and take care!

Happy belayed birthday! Hope you had a great day :). I had to take some inspiration from the tv shows related to medicine that I watch, therefore I apologize if it is not as accurate as it should have been. Hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think of it.

Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Angst. Romance. Kind of fluff

Word Count: 2.7k

Everything in the operation room started to get quiet. Some nurses were grabbing all the instruments they have used to clean them. Some of the doctors were starting to take out their robes as the monitor beeped, indicating the man who was lying on the table had died.

“We could have save him if you had listened to me” You said reproachfully as you rubbed your wet fingers against your cheek in order to remove the droplets of blood.

“I’m in no mood for your complains” He said without turning to look at you.

You scoffed loudly “Yeah, you are never in the mood for recognizing when you’re wrong”.

Chanyeol closed the sink faucet harshly and looked at you. “If you had done your job properly, he would have had a better chance of living in the first place. I was trying fix your mistake”. He said upset.

There were a couple of people looking at your discussion when the hospital’s Chief arrived and yelled at you and Chanyeol.

“You two”. He approached with furious eyes and stood in front of you. “To my office. Now” He muttered angrily as he gestured to follow him.

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Once the three of you arrived at your boss’s office, he shut the door harshly and went to stood behind his desk.

“Have you lost your minds?.“ The man raised his voice. “A pacient have just died and you two cannot wait for your childish discussions?” Rage was visible on his face.

“If you want to do that, do it at your offices or somewhere private. You don’t need public for that kind of stupid behavior”.

“She was the” Chanyeol was beginning to say when the other man cut him off.

“Next time I’m going to suspend you both. Understand?” The Chief said firmly.

“Yes” Chanyeol said reluctantly.

“Y/n?” The Chief turned to look at you.

“Yeah” You muttered.

The man across from you was looking through some files and said “You are going to stay here and solve whatever problem there is between the two of you”. He grabbed one of the folders piled up on his desk and walked towards the door “And it better be quick because someone has to go talk to that man’s wife and that ain’t me“.

You and Chanyeol looked at the door as it shut with a loud thud.

“What is wrong with you?” You huffed.

“What is wrong with me?” Chanyeol scoffed incredulously. “What is wrong with you. You were the one who started it. Since you came into the OR you were doing nothing more than to question all my decisions in front of all the doctors, nurses and residents”.

“That’s because you didn’t listen to me when I told you that procedure was too invasive”. You pointed out.

“And thanks to that it was that we could notice the internal bleeding he had” Chanyeol said defensively.

“Yes, but I told you I could have made the suction and stitched him up and you ignored me.” You raised your voice. “You have been ignoring my contributions and my help every time we enter the operating room. And this was my patient. He arrived at my area and therefore you shouldn't have overlook my authority“. You were panting from the rage that was burning inside of you.

“And what about my authority,huh?” Chanyeol was looking at you with the same intensity. “You might be the ER’s head but I am in charge of the Cardiology unit and once the person enters my operating room what I say, goes.” “I can’t believe you are so full of yourself that you can’t admit you have messed it up” You snorted.

“If we are going to talk about mistakes then we should start with yours” He pointed at you. “If you had taken the x-rays, you would have noticed that he had a lump in his lung that could had burst at any time“.

“I didn’t do the x-rays because when I checked him, his vital signs were within the normal range. He said he felt a slight pain in his chest but we thought it was due to the bruise that had been formed on it due to the impact of the accident“ You explained.

“You should have done it anyway considering how bad the accident was” The man said matter of factly.

“Chanyeol, there were another 32 injured people on the ER and only 10 of us, including the interns, to look out for them” You said, trying to find some kind of comfort in your words as you knew you had made a big mistake.

“Maybe you wouldn't be so short of time if you stopped screwing with Billy and use that time to take a better care of your patients” Chanyeol said harshly.

You looked at him weirded out. “What the hell are you talking about? You said angrily.

“Don’t play dumb with me. I saw you entering the rest room a few hours before the surgery and Billy walking in right after you“. Chanyeol glared at you.

“You know what, Fuck off!” You countered back “I don’t have to give you any explanations and You don’t even know what you are talking about”. You opened the door and stormed out of the office.

Chanyeol watched you go as he grabbed his hair in frustration and slammed his fist against the desk.

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You entered the ER unit and saw that the chaos of the accident - paramedics arriving with more wounded people, nurses and doctors running from one place to another in order to check on them, their families flooding the reception in search of them - had diminished. You spotted Mr. Stevens wife -the man who had died in the OR- in the corner of the room, sitting above one of the beds. She had a broken arm and a minor head concussion. She had been conscious when her husband had been admitted to the operating room.

“He’s going to be ok, right?” She had asked you with a trembling voice. “We will make sure he will be fine” You assured her.

Now, you didn’t know how to break the news about Mr. Stevens' death but, as the unit’s Chief and doctor, you also had to deal with the difficult parts of the job. You took a deep breath and strode towards her.

“Mrs. Stevens” you said and the lady turned to look at you.

“How is Fred?” She asked, referring to her husband “Is he all right? Did you take him to a room?”. You looked at her with sadness but managed to stay composed “There was a lump on the back of Fred's lung. It was so small that at first we thought the blood that was coming from it was from the organ we were operating. He had an internal bleeding and although we did everything we could, his organs collapsed quickly.” You explained.

The woman’s eyes were filled with tears as she understood what you were saying. “No” She said.

“I’m so sorry Mrs. Stevens” You said remorsefully.

“No no” She cried in denial. “You said we didn't have to worry. You checked on him”.

“I know but…” you were saying but she cut you off.

“You are responsible for his death” She spat and grabbed you by your coat.

“Ma’am, tried to calm down” You said as you put your hands above hers trying to release from her grip.

Almost immediately, the residents who were nearby approached to get the woman off of you.

“If you had done your job properly, he wouldn't be dead“ She screamed as some of the nurses restrained her so they could sedate her.

You looked around and saw some of the pacients and colleagues staring at you. Your gaze landed on Chanyeol. He was looking at you, although you couldn’t tell what was the meaning of his stare.

Was is sadness? Pity perhaps? You didn’t know what to think. You felt so overwhelmed. Mrs. Stevens words were almost the same as Chanyeol’s.

“You shouldn’t be a doctor” She said angrily “Doctors care. You didn’t even knew he was injured”. There was a knot in your throat. You wanted to be alone so the best thing you could come up with in that moment was exited through the back door.

Chanyeol was exiting the building and going towards the parking lot. His shift had just ended and the only thing he wanted was to get home, have a nice shower and sleep until he could see the next day’s rays of sunshine through his window. He was walking through the sidewalk went he spotted you sitting in one of the benches near the main entrance. Your hands were resting on the wooden board and your eyes were closed. Tiredness clearly reflected on your face. For a moment he considered if he should talk to you or ignored the fact that he saw you there with a miserable aura. Nevertheless, He walked towards you, only stopping when we was standing in front of you.

You inhaled deeply and when you opened your eyes, you saw him standing a few centimeters away from you.

“I have had enough of today’s fight” You said tiredly as you rubbed your eyes.

“Me too” The man said in the same tone as yours as he plopped down next to you.

You let of a big sigh “So, why are you here then?” you looked at him.

“I heard what that woman said to you. It’s not true”. He said.

“Which part?” You asked “Because some of her words were the exact ones you said to me in the OR”.

“I know and I want to apologize for that” Chanyeol said. There wasn’t a hint of mockery or false remorse in his features. He sounded sincere.

"Well, I'm sorry too for taking out my anger on you" You said and Chanyeol nodded.

You turned your face to looked at the front and sighed “You weren’t wrong about it“ You said.

“It was my responsibility to give him a good checkup before ruling out he didn’t have another serious injury” you admitted.

“How could you have known if it wasn’t until several hours later that he began to complain about the pain” Chanyeol said.

“Isn’t that our duty? To prevent that kind of things before our pacients suffer?” You said.

“Yes, when there are signs of things we could prevent.” He answered. “We admitted him into surgery because there was a blocked artery that could cause him a heart attack if it had stayed like that. You found out about the lump on his lung at the end, when it bursts”.

“You know, tonight I treated 23 pacients. Out of them 12 had serious injuries and they are stable now.” You turned your gaze towards the floor. “Guess there will always be a patient who makes you question yourself if you really are good at this or not”.

“Ever since I was an intern up until now, I can tell you that question never leaves you”. Chanyeol said. “Our career is married with saving lives as much as it is with accepting death”. You look at him straight in the eyes. There was true in his words.

“I had not thought about it that way” You said honestly.

He gave you a little smile. Both of you stayed quiet, the whistle of the air and some people walking near the benches were the only sounds filling it. You wondered why he hadn’t left yet. He had his bag with him, which you assumed it meant he was leaving the hospital. Maybe he was keeping you company as a way of showing you you weren’t  the only one that felt like that every time a pacient dies. That in a certain way, it was comforting having a person who could understand all the questions and feelings that come with it.

You remembered the last thing he had said to you at the Chief’s office and said “It wasn’t me”.

Chanyeol turned to looked at you confused “What?”.

“You said I was wasting my time screwing with Billy” you said.

Chanyeol’s cheeks turned pink. “Ah! You don’t need to give me any explanations. It’s your life” He scratched the back of his neck.

“It was Tatiana” you cut him off.

He looked at you baffled “Tatiana?. The Neurology resident?” He remembered.

You nodded. “I felt exhausted so I went to the rest room because I wanted to take a nap. The lights were turned off and I laid on one the beds. I heard someone entering the room but I assumed they were there to sleep too. That was until I heard them kissing. She was already waiting for him inside.” You explained.

“Oh!” Chanyeol said. Right now he felt so dumb for accusing you.

He cleared his throat “I’m sorry for that too” He said embarrassed.

“It’s ok” you said.

“Why are you telling me this, though?. You don’t have to”. He asked you curiously.

You felt nervous all of the sudden “I know... but I wanted to clear things up with you”. You said. “Besides I don’t like rumors going around about me and you saying I’m with Billy would be a horrible one.” You made a disgusted face and he laughed.

“So Billy is not your type” Chanyeol asked quizzically at you.

“Of course not! He has a nice body, I’ll give him that. But you know there are people who think they are funny and try so hard in doing so, when in reality they aren’t?. Well, Billy is one of them”. You said surely and the tall man sneered.

“Ok then. So, what kind of guy is your type?” He asked you.

“Young, rich, smarty pants. Nothing fancy” you joked and both of you chuckled. You looked at your watch and stood up. Chanyeol lifted his gaze to look at you.

“Well I think is time to go back inside“ You announced. “Thank you Chanyeol” you smiled at him.

“Sure” He smiled back. You turned around and started walking when he called you.

“Hey Y/n!” Chanyeol yelled and you looked at him.

“Would you like to go and have dinner?” He asked you hesitantly.

“I thought you were leaving” you said and gestured towards his bag.

He looked at it and said “Ah yeah, but first I want to eat something. I’m starving”.

You couldn’t help but smile at his awkwardness. You reached out your hand for him to grab it. Chanyeol looked at it for a second before his eyes met yours.

“Come on then. I’m starving too” You said. He took your hand and smiled back as you pulled him to get him up.

He grabbed his bag from the bench and the two of you started walking.

“So, where are you taking me?“ you asked as you tucked your hands into the jacket’s pockets.

“There’s a good restaurant three blocks from here” Chanyeol said.

“It better be good if you are making me walk that far” You said and he laughed.

“I promise” He said solemnly.

You two kept chattering all the way as you were walking away from the hospital and into the lonely street.

[michaelneedssomefics]

Promise

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word count:

Warnings: Smut, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, kids), angst, swearing, Drunk!Dean, mentions of blood, mentions of injuries, mentions of death, slight suicide mention if you squint.

A/N: I told y'all I was feeling angsty. This is after Sam falls into the pit, but Lisa isn't a thing. Also the smut was very spontaneous.

You were in The Impala, gripping the wheel so hard your knuckles were white. You tried calling Dean for so long and he wouldn't answer. Sam is gone and he's broken, both of you were.

Ofcourse you would wind up finding him with a bottle of Vodka in his hand, not to mention it was already empty. His gaze set on nothing, just space. What was making you grip the wheel wasn't because he was drinking though.

He was standing at the side of a bridge. A bridge that was built above a river that was almost dry.

That got you out of the car pretty fast.

"Dean!" You called, slamming the cars door, and he visibly winced, slowly looking over his shoulder at you, as if hoping you weren't actually there. He then sighed, and leaned his forehead over the bridges railing, his hands gripping it tightly.

You came up next to him, resting your hand on his. "Dean?" You whispered. He snapped his hand from under your and turned his back to you. "Don't, Y/N, don't do that" he said roughly. "Don't do th-, don't do what Dean? Don't be worried sick about you? When I can't get a hold of you and I find you standing on this bridge all alone with an empty bottle in your hand? Am not supposed to be worried? Huh?" You nearly yelled. You were so worried about him, you knew he was hurting, badly.

He turned around, looking at you with pure sadness in his face. You looked at each other for something that felt like forever.

"Why do you stick around?" He bluntly asked. Your brows furrowed in confusion, and tears were forming in your eyes. Was he indicating that he wanted you to go? You weren't sure. "Wh- what do you mean? We're family how could I n-" "because I'm a death trap!" He cut you off. "Everyone close to me dies. How could you stick around someone who ensures your death to be early?" He asks.

Your eye widened at the statement, you brows furrowed when he asked the question. You stepped closer to him, reaching with your hand to his, the other coming up to his face, thumb wiping his tears. His eye close at the gesture, his face dropping. You gently tilted his chin up, waiting for him to look at you. When he finally does, you find red rimmed eyes looking back at you, when he finds eyes full of love and sincerity.

"I stick around because I love you Dean. I said it before and I plan on saying it as many times more as I can. And I promise I will stick around for as long as I live." Both of your hands are holding onto his face now, to make sure he's looking at you. "Early death is something that comes with this job. This life. I'm not expecting to live till I'm wrinkly and we both agreed that kids are not even something were thinking of bringing into this fucked up world. Ofcourse I want my family to keep living, keep being around with me, ofcourse I do. And sure I'd rather have as long as I can. But I can't... I can't be naive. It's not you that's making everyone around him... you know. Its the job. And every single hunter chooses this job, for good or bad reasons, but we choose it."

The tears kept flowing from his face. "he didn't choose this. He was going to be a lawyer. Dad fucked up his childhood and then he finally got out and... and I had to burst in and fuck it too."

"Azazel would've... would've killed Jess anyways. He would've reached out to you if you weren't there already." You argued

He scoffed, and you continued before he could say something else, "Sam didn't choose this job. He chose to stand by you and fight with you. And he chose to jump. Because he loves you and want you to keep fighting."

His brows furrowed and he looked at you with those green puppy eyes.

"You better not lose her if something happens to me" sam sternly says to Dean. "What?" Dean asks "nothing is happening to you so shut up and let me hear the music". Sam chuckles, looking back at you sleeping deeply in the back seat. He then looks back a Dean and says "if I'm gone you better not go around making deals again." He says sternly this time. Dean looks at him breifly then back to the road clenching his jaw. "You need to be there for her because we both know she's going to be there for you and we also know you're going to try and push her away like you do all the time with your feelings." Dean's jaw went from clenched to slack as he let Sam's words settle in. He looked at you through the mirror and when he looks at you his whole world stops. All he could think about is you freckled nose and how you giggle at his and Sam's banters. He then looks back at Sam and then at the road again, "I'm going to make sure we don't have to get to that point, ok? Just... let's just get to the motel." He says and turns up the volume.

Dean stares back at you and blinks through the last of his tears. He needed to do this right his time. No more drinking till he's unconscious. He needs to be strong for Sam, needs to be there for you.

"Let's get you home, Dean" you took his hand and led him to the Impala. You helped him into the car, "watch your head, babe". And went to the driver's side, turning the engine on and started driving, one hand on the wheel, the other in Dean's. You glanced at him every once in a while, noticing he was starting to get sleepy. He squeezes your hand, "I love you too" he mumbles, and you almost missed it. You smiled at him, "I know."

You got to the motel and helped Dean into the shower, and when he was out he was half sober. Must've drank that bottle of vodka a while before you got there. He was still slumped over, still in his own mind. "Let's go to sleep?" You asked. He sat on the bed next to you, and looked deeply into your eyes. His arm went around your waist and he pulled you to straddle him. "Dean?" You questioned, holding onto his shoulders. "Help me forget. Just for tonight, and tomorrow we'll talk about everything. I promise. Just help me tonight?" He asks, his eyes begging you.

Your lips crashed into his, melting into the eachother, his hands going under your cream sweater and roaming around your back, your hand going to his hair pulling on it, making him groan into your mouth. You were grinding onto him, feeling his bulge growing and straining against his jeans. He pulled off your sweater and unclasped your bra, slowly kissing down from your lips, to your jaw, then to your neck finding that spot that makes you squirm. You pulled his face back to yours by his hair, kissing him hard, while your hands finding his zipper, opening it and sliding into his boxer grabbing his cock. He moans into your mouth at the touch, one of his hands gripping your side as the other kneads your breast.

You quickly get your hand out of his boxers and push him back onto the bed, "clothes off" you panted while slowly sliding out of your sweatpants, panties following. He quickly disposed of his shirt, then his pants and boxers, all clothes strewn over the floor.

He got up from the bed and walked over to you, holding your waist, eyes flickering from eyes to your lips, and back to your eye and then he smiles. "What?" You murmur in between pecks, a little smile playing on your face as well. "Nothing, just... just don't know what I did to deserve you." You slightly pulled away from him at that, eyeing him carefully, "nothing special really... just cought my fancy..." you murmured, and then switched to rougher moves.

You pushed him onto the bed and immediately jumped on him not letting him move. You kissed him passionately, slowly moving down his body, leaving open mouthed kisses across his chest and abs.

You kept going down until you reached his navel. You left kisses all around, on his hips, on his inner thighs, then licked your way from his base up to the tip, bringing it into your mouth and bobbing your head up and down, each time going down just a little more. Your tounge swirling around his cock, his moans music to your ears.

You pulled away with a pop, a saliva string hanging from your mouth to his tip. He sits up, thumb wiping your mouth, and then you crashed your lips back to his.

He flipped you both so now you were on you back and he was on top of you, his cock grinding onto your cunt, making you want more. He the pulled away from the kiss and looked you in the eyes, "I love you, Y/N, I love you so much" he whispered. You held his head between you hands for the second time that night, saying "I love you" for the second time that night, but it was different.

He slides into you slowly, stretching you inch by inch. Moaning into each other's ears, he thrusts into you slowly, picking his pase, kissing your neck. He finds your clit and starts rubbing circles on it, making you scratch his back with your nails.

His thrust become uneven and you know he's close. You are too. You nibble on his ear, whispering "cum for me, Dean". He grunts and cums inside you, his cock's twitches triggering your own high.

He ploppes down beside you, both of you still panting. You look over at him and he does the same at you, both of you catching the others eye. You rolled on to your stomach, your leg coming between his, your hand and head resting on his chest so you're looking up at him. His hand comes up to your back, gently running up and down your and yours come up to his hair, running through his hair.

"Now let's go to sleep?" You ask. "Was that all you were thinking about?" He pouts. "Well, that and maybe just a little bit about you. A little." You joke, and he fakes laugh "ha ha you're so funny" and you giggle at him, sneaking a peck on his lips.

You rested your cheek on his chest and closed your eyes. "Tomorrow is a you and me day, go it? Both in a good and a bad- no not bad but you get me. Ok?" You say. He runs his fingers through your hair, and hums, "a promise is a promise".

"A promise is a promise." You agree. giving into exhaustion, you fall asleep next to your love.

[thedistantstorm]

A Shipwright Worth Her Salt Chapter 08

In which: Everyone has to deal with their choices.

“Do I even want to know why you're here? Where is Zavala?” Ikora can't help the sharpness of her tone.

Cayde sidles up next to her and laughs. “Listen, there was a slight hiccup in a mission, Zavala came to clean up, and now we're here to help you out while he ties up some loose ends in the field. Nothing crazy.”

Ikora arches an eyebrow. “You do know I have an entire network of operatives who can find out just about anything about anyone, yes?” Her voice is low and predatory, and Andal puts a firm hand on the other Hunter's shoulder. They're friends, but Ikora is married to her work and has been since long before she became the Warlock Vanguard officially.

“Don't worry about Zavala, Ikora. Cayde has been kind enough to take on my tasks, and I will manage Zavala's.” The hand on Cayde's shoulder becomes crippling when he looks back at Andal with that ‘I didn't sign up for this’ look of his.

Ikora sits back in her chair at the Vanguard table, looking for all the world a queen. “So, what makes you two so generous all of a sudden?” Andal thinks that the picture would look more complete if she had a glass of wine in her hands. She looks away from them with a certain smugness about her. “Certainly it doesn't have anything to do with the little girl in med-bay alpha.” Looking back at dual-guilt stricken faces, she sighs, gesturing that it's time to get everything out in the open. “I'll have the details now.”

The Hunters fold. Nothing gets past Ikora.

She motions for them to sit and sends a message on her tablet. Sloane appears immediately afterward, like she's been waiting in the wings this whole time. “Ma'am?”

“Sit. These two were just about to explain why you've been doing all of Zavala's work for the last two days. I figured you would want to listen in.”

Cayde fidgets and Andal scoffs. “I'll not have this made known through the Tower, Ikora. The man is entitled to due privacy, just like you are. Traveler knows I look the other way enough for you. I realize you are his second, Sloane, but-”

“Anything you say will be kept private,” Sloane says, sitting rigidly in a seat beside Ikora. “The Commander was not himself when he left. I'm… concerned.”

Would wonders never cease, two Titans with the warm and fuzzies in as many days. Andal and Cayde exchanged looks. Things kept getting weirder and weirder around here.

Ikora nods. “We cannot help unless you tell us what is going on.” The predatory gaze wanes, and she takes on a more motherly demeanor. “Start at the beginning.”

Andal grins. “Been hearing that a lot lately.”

-/

It's late when Sloane dips into the room. Aashimah is hovering quietly between Guardian and child. The girl is hooked up to several monitors and has a machine breathing for her.

If she did not know the man in the chair, his back to her, she'd assume it to be the girl's parent.

“Ahem.” She cleared her throat quietly. “Sir?”

He jolted, obviously woken by the address. His Ghost turned her optic toward Sloane, irritation plainly visible.

“I have been trying to get him to sleep for hours now, Deputy Commander,” She snarls as Zavala puts a hand atop her shell.

“It’s alright,” He cautions her, blinking back the sleepiness from his eyes. “Sloane. What are you doing here?”

She toes at a scuff on the floor, clearly not sure what to say.

“Better yet, how did you know where to find me?” The whoosh-click of a ventilator is the only sound in the room. It almost sounds like hydraulics if she doesn’t look at the body in the bed.

“Ikora pressed on Andal and Cayde.” His eyes narrowed at the confession. “They didn’t give specifics, but Ikora put it all together.”

“So you saw fit to come down here to investigate yourself.”

“Actually,” She bristled at the accusation in his tone, “I came to see if you needed anything.” After a pause, she added, “Sir.”

After a momentary staring contest, he motioned for the other Titan to sit. “Sit-rep?” He asked, after she dropped a folding chair beside his own and lowered herself into it.

“Everything is fine. Nothing new, unless you count the increased number of Fallen in the Outskirts.”

Despite lowering her voice, a pair of hands come up toward the tube going into the girl's mouth while Sloane gives her account of recent events. Zavala moved quickly, hands taking hers gently.

“Don't touch,” He soothes, as green eyes open and track his luminescent ones in the low light. There’s a soft gurgle, the ding of a machine, and what seems like a silent conversation. He puts a palm on her forehead. “Easy now. They’ll take it out soon enough. Rest.” Her eyes close for a moment, and then open again. She’s no longer fighting the ventilator to breathe, though her eyes water from being awake with it down her throat. She blinks and looks to the newcomer in the room and then back, the question in her eyes.

“Sloane,” Zavala’s ghost chimes, her voice almost melodic in the silence. “She's a friend, Little One.” Optic settling upon the off-duty Guardian, she continues. “Come over and say hello.”

Sloane stands rigid, surprised to be addressed by the Commander’s normally silent partner in such a conversational manner after irritating her. She approaches the other side of the girl’s bed so that she’s in decent view. Zavala withdraws the hand from her forehead and Amanda blinks over at Slone with curious, tired eyes.

“I know we’ve worked together before,” She hums in her alto voice, “But it’s nice to meet you in person. The name’s Sloane.”

Zavala looks over at his second in command with a scrutinizing glance. The girl raises her right hand toward the Deputy Commander. Sloane smiles and grabs it with her own. The girl’s handshake is firm. When they release each others’ hands, she puts hers back to her side and allows her eyes to drift closed again, accepting of the newcomer.

Both Titans return to their seats as she falls back asleep - evidenced by the decrease in heart rate and blood pressure on the monitor above her bed.

“Cayde mentioned an ambush,” She ventures, quieter than before. “But he said it was a building collapse that injured her. Is her prognosis-”

Zavala sighs at that. “She’s going to live,” He says softly. “But she is rarely alert for more than a few moments at a time, or wakes confused and combative, hallucinating. The physician says that it is a part of the infection, from the field amputation. Most injuries like this have the propensity to be fatal, but they believe she received treatment in time.”

She looks over at the girl, noticing the wide, large bandage that distinguishes her right leg ending significantly short of the other. “They didn’t say anything about that.”

He gives her a sharp glance, and she puts her hands up. “I suppose not. Cayde and Andal,” He breathes, taking a moment to compose himself. He supposes he should speak on the subject, as it will likely be common knowledge soon. “Were attempting to rescue her from a Pike Gang. She was attempting to raid their vehicles. A ruddy salvage mission with pisspoor intel.”

“Alone?”

He allows himself an irritated grunt of affirmation. Composing himself, he says, “We assume it was one of the Servitors that collapsed the building she was in. Her leg was… crushed. Andal and Cayde did what they could to allow us to extract her. The cost...”

She puts a hand on his shoulder. “If I may, Sir,” She says, sure to meet his eyes. “You don’t need two legs to fly.”

He shakes his head. “I suppose not. But none of this would have happened if I-”

The dinging resumes, drowning out the sound of a gag. Both of them look up. The blonde’s sitting up straight in bed, shaking her head despite the tubes connected to her. She’s trying to tell him no, it’s not his fault, and her general inability to communicate - and the fact that she’s choking herself trying to do so - is only getting her more worked up.

“Should I go get someone?” Sloane asks tentatively.

“No. Leave us,” He says, turning back to the girl. “She’ll calm.”

She nods, and sees herself out. Immediately, the girl flops back against the pillows and holds both hands out to him, seeking to comfort him. She only relaxes when he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, and she’s turned on her side, bad leg kicked out behind her so that it rests on a pillow, the rest of her curled around him, and her hands holding his atop his knee.

He can’t understand it. If he had made a different choice that day, had tried to take on both his obligation to the city as well as the one he refused to acknowledge he had to her…

None of this would have happened.

-/

Amanda has her good leg pulled up so that her chin rests on her kneecap, her stump kicked out in front of her. She's trying to lift it, but her muscles throb and burn with the cramping pain of a limb that's no longer there. She grunts and feels her body shake before she overtaxes herself and flops back against the couple pillows behind her back, limply.

She absolutely should not be moving this much, but she’s so tired of being stuck in this stupid bed. It hurts beyond measure when she finally scoots back down under the covers, pulling them up to her armpits and reaching for the tablet left for her on the side table.

“You know,” Comes a smooth tenor voice from the doorway, “It might not hurt so much if you actually took the meds they gave you.” Cayde sashays into the room and plunks down next to the bed in a folding chair that he turns around and straddles. “How ya doing, kid?”

She scoffs. “Up until this happened, y'all treated me like an adult. What gives?”

“You're kidding, right?” He gestures to her leg. “You nearly died. That first night - ah, okay. Not going there.” Awkward head scratch. “You discuss this with Zavala at all? You seemed pretty okay with him treating you like a kid.”

She flushes hotly at that. “I was outta my mi-”

“Is it because I'm an Exo? Just because I'm silicone and metal doesn't mean I don't have feelings, Amanda,” He mock pouts.

That earns him a giggle. “I know you gotta heart in that shiny body a'yours, Cayde. And I haven't seen Zavala since…”

Cayde shrugs. “...Since you were having fever dreams and had to be heavily medicated?” She looks away, embarrassed. “Aw, c'mon. Don't be upset, he'd never hold it against you. Besides, I think he liked that he was the only person you'd let comfort you. Made him feel special, not that I appreciated it very much. I thought I was your favorite.”

“Cayde-6, you are not making me feel better.” Her cheeks are rosy - more embarrassment related than from her lingering fever - and she refuses to look at him, still.

“Deal with it, kiddo. You know who'll be back sometime tomorrow and you know he's going to come check on you - heaven forbid we acknowledge personal matters on the comms, Vanguard matters only, yadda yadda, I'm sure he's beside himself. Anywho... it's kinda good that he won't be back ‘til then. Gives us some time to...” She sneaks a glance at him. He's got that look on his face, and his hands make a vague gesture. His ‘mano-a-mano’ discussion face.

“What is it?” She shifts uncomfortably to get her stump in a less painful position, but ends up lifting her leg with her hands to move it where she wants. Everything is sore from falling several stories, and most of her backside has bloomed into shades of black, blue, and a curious greenish-purple.

Cayde gets up and shuts the door to her room.

She blinks. Must be serious.

“What do you remember about all this?”

Amanda frowns, crosses her arms. “About this?” She gestures down at her leg. Cayde nods, but stays silent. Patient.

Too patient.

“I r’member you guys findin’ me, but it's all a little foggy. I say somethin’ stupid to get you in trouble?”

“No! No. Not really. I mean, you didn't. It's more of something Z - er, we told him to do, and you kind of - I mean, you didn't really handle it well, and-”

“Just spit it out, Cayde.”

The words come out in a hurry. “We didn't know how else to keep you from moving, and I totally didn't you'd relive that or I never would have had him hold you down like that and I'm just, I'm sorry. I never even thought about it, I just wanted the most efficient way to...” He rambles.

Her fists twist in the blankets. “By reliving ‘that,’” She air quotes, “You mean-”

“Yeah.” Cayde bows his head.

Breathing gets heavier. She grounds out, “I don't remember it.”

“It's probably for the best. I can, y'know, handle it for you and we can just-”

She's furious and ashamed, and it's rolling off of her in waves when she interrupts. “Who held me down, who did I think was… was-” Her voice cracks and she can't force the rest of it out.

“Amanda, I'm-”

“Just fuckin’ tell me! If it was you we wouldn't be-”

“Zavala. It was Zavala, okay? I've been avoiding him like the plague since, er, all this, but he wants answers and I don't know what you want me to tell him!” His voice escalates as he keeps rambling and she keeps drawing further in on herself as he does. “He's going to come back here and sooner or later I'm going to have to-”

“Get out.”

“What? Amanda, don't be-”

She's shrieking now, inconsolable. “Get OUT!”

“Kid, please, I'm sorry.” He reaches his hand out and she flinches hard. “I never meant for-”

“I, know,” The words come, forced. She's staring at the wall, body pitched away from him. “Leave me alone. I can't,” She pants through panic, “be ‘round anybody right now.”

He dips out without a word, but she hears the slamming and banging out in the hall. He's upset, too. It isn't his fault she couldn't control herself. She pulls her good knee up to her chest and tries to stop breathing weirdly.

When Sloane enters her room later, Amanda's got her breathing mostly under control, though she hasn't moved from her spot mostly crowded against the head of the bed.

“Is there a reason Cayde-6 is sitting on the floor outside your room looking like a kicked puppy?”

The blonde startles, meeting dark eyes. “He's,” She breathes, forces herself to speak calmly, “still outside?”

The Deputy Commander nods.

“Cayde?” Amanda says louder. “It's been a really long time.”

Shuffling and two treads of warn boots later, Cayde lingers in the doorway. “Is it okay if I come in?”

Sloane looks temporarily mortified. “Was it okay that I came in?”

Amanda pats the expanse of empty bed by her stump for Cayde to come and sit. He complies, moving slowly. Sloane watches intently, analyzing as her question goes unanswered. It isn't a refusal, and the girl had acknowledged her when she came in so Sloane stays where she is.

“I'm not mad at you,” She drawls quietly, green eyes focused on her hands folded in her lap now that she's set her good leg straight. “I just can't believe that I did that.”

“Did what?” Cayde shakes his head at Sloane, but Amanda puts her hand on his gloved one and squeezes.

“Just a panic attack,” She says slowly. Convincing enough. “Guess this whole leg business was a bit more traumatic than I thought.”

Her hand is shaky, but Cayde flips his palm over and rubs his thumb over her knuckles. It's not Sloane's business why this actually came on. No one speaks for a bit, and her hand gets heavier as she starts to fall asleep even though though she's trying to fight it. “You should try to rest. Those always tire you out,” The scout intones at a volume just above a whisper. He doesn't look at her, just keeps smoothing his thumb over pale skin. Sloane's deep eyes smolder as she regards them both.

“'M sore,” She whispers back. “Can't get comfortable.”

Sloane rises. “I'll get someone to give you something.” Amanda nods.

“She's been reporting to Zavala,” Cayde says softly. “I hacked her tablet.” Amanda giggles - it pulls on pseudo-heartstrings in his mechanical chest, how young she sounds(how young she is). “It's all super rigid Titan-speak, but he's been checking in at least twice a day.”

She hums. “He'll be back in the morning, yeah?”

“Yeah, should be. Want me to stick around until then? With the,” Vague gesture, “y'know. You might, uh, not sleep great, even with meds.”

She pulls their joined hands toward her with surprising force for a young girl. “You're a good friend,” She says, embracing him with lanky arms. “I don't deserve you.”

The Exo's vocal process clicks - going off and back online. It's the only indication that her words have made him emotional. He doesn't move to hug her back, even if he wants to. It's a bad day. He won't make it worse. “You deserve so much more than this, kid.”

When the Titan returns with an orderly and pain medication, the girl finally sleeps. Sloane and Cayde do not. Never friends and rarely colleagues, the Deputy Commander shakes her head at the thought of her commanding officer throwing down with the most rambunctious of Hunters.

Cyan optics flicker. “What?” His voice is a low rumble. Between them, Amanda shifts but does not wake.

“This girl has more than half the Vanguard - and you - eating out of the palm of her hand. She's a cute kid and a decent pilot, but it's not adding up.”

Cayde chuckles. “She's special. Makes Golden Age tech sing. You break it, she's got it working in seconds.” He releases her hand when it twitches in his grasp. “And that heart a’hers is so big, even when this world's done nothing but try to break it.”

“People - humanity face adversity, Cayde. Plenty of the refugees face similar things.”

“They do,” he agrees.

Sloane holds her hand out in a gesture that says his point makes no sense.

“So, why her?” He taps his metal chin thoughtfully as he asks himself the question. “I dunno. Maybe it ain't supposed to make sense. She's just some girl, right? And we're just dead people reincarnated to fight - to protect her and everybody else. She's a metaphor for what we're fighting for. One who's been dealt a shit hand but makes the best of it.” He puts a hand on the back of his head and stretches his synthetic spine with a groan. “Anyway, you'll probably like whatever Zavala's answer is better. I'm sure it's more eloquent.”

Another waving gesture. She hummed thoughtfully after a time, “Yours was eloquent enough. I'll take your word for it.”

-/

[smolchildren-ily]

CAREFUL! VERY GRAPHIC AT TIMES!!!! Can be triggering for people who lost pets :(

Yesterday you crossed the rainbow bridge. Susi. A name I gave you just for fun. You, a random cat who kept stopping by and who ended up having her on basket on our terrace, sheltered from the wind underneath the table. You, who, without me knowing, grew really attached to my heart. I bought food for you passionately, I did, as weird as it may sound, I was eager to go shopping for you and I was so happy every time I could feed you because I saw how happy it made you. Unlike our two 'actual' cats who just ever complain, dont eat up or just straight up leave the food the way we put it in the bowl. I would be even happier when I could give you their leftovers because it meant you would have an extra full belly that day. I made sure to always provide you with dry food, too, always filled up the bowl when it was empty - which it was a lot, but a handful of other cats come by, too, I know. Also your brothers, or at least those who I call your brothers, because often times after I would have given you food you licked it a bit and then vanished just to return with Oliver and "Lackl" behind you. I felt like you always made sure they also got a full belly, even more than you yourself, actually, and that is the reason why you kept getting them. Now, with you gone, they have no more lead, and they will never know where you disappeared to or why their beloved sister left them. I feel so sorry for them, too. But they still stop by, just an hour ago both came here together. I will feed them in your stead. I will give them one pack extra, the pack that used to be for you. I loved you so much and I didnt even realize until I saw you motionless, like you were sleeping, in the absolute middle of the street in front of our house, but hidden behind big bushes so I couldn't see you. I couldn't help you. When the lady with the dog came and asked me who owns a fluffy, grey-black cat and that she would be out on the street, dead. You were already dead. Already dead. Blood poured from your mouth, and from your mouth only. A small puddle had formed under your head. Thick, cherry red blood. When I... When I picked up your body later that day, in the evening, to... to... to take you to the most heartbreaking, unholy and disgusting place, unworthy of any loved animal or animal at all, actually, because my mum didnt want you in her garden next to her beloved cat, I realized. I realized that you had only been dead for a maximum of 30 to 60 minutes. The 30 to 60 minutes I had just gotten up. I think it was late that I got up, either at 9.5 or 8.5 or maybe it was 8.14 after all. And because I felt it was so late, I was so surprised not to see you in front of the door already, like I saw you every day. Every day, for, I dont actually know how long. I dont know for how long I've known you. I dont think it was very long, but I dont remember. I just know that you were suddenly just t h e r e. Because, your brothers, they had actually visited us even before you started coming to our house. And then one day they brought you and you stayed.

You weren't there yesterday morning, and I didnt think about it much. It sometimes happened that you needed to catch on as to that I was awake - usually by my steps or latest when I opened the blinds of the kitchen window which faces the garden and the direction that we believe you stemmed from. So I went to open the blinds and sat bored beside my other cat and watched her eat, as I have to do because otherwise she wont eat often times. And I was looking forward to seeing your small, excited face behind the glass door, and to pet your soft fur. Then watch you eat away and walk into my way to beg for more. When my cat was done, I happily grabbed a pack, a different one from usual, because you had begun to not like the usual, so I wanted to give you a special treat. And I grabbed that pack and skipped to the door, opened it energetically and awaited your absolute immediate arrival and exploding joy over me and the food I was bringing you. You didnt come, which was weird. Somewhat weird, but it had been raining all week, and during rain you seemed to spend a lot of your time somewhere else. Maybe at the place that was originally your home? Your origin is still 50/50 a mystery. My mum says from the farmer where your brothers are from, but I'm not sure. But it must have been the case, because where else would you have come from? A bit run down, skinny. God, you looked so healthy just a couple of days me feeding you. So little days. I was proud you recovered so quickly, unlike your brothers, who seem to be doing very badly all the time. Such soft fur, so sleek.

And the blood was fresh and your limbs were still moving normally when I touched you. That is, later that day, that I realized: If I had gotten up earlier. If I hadn't been so lazy or tired or both. Just, maybe a couple of minutes? Maybe just 15 minutes? Who knows if you would have made it safely across the street to our house. Because you would have heard me open the blinds sooner. And you would have made your way to me sooner, and the car, the driver who was on his way to work, he wouldn't have hit your head, or any other part of you. I was just so happy that you weren't obviously hurt anywhere. Just this blood dripping from your mouth, forming a small puddle under your small, beloved head I loved to pet more than I had realized.

And I wonder, if I hadn't been so lazy or tired, if you would still be here today, and yesterday. Or if it already happened before I got up. While I was still... I wasnt sleeping, I was awake. As always, as usual. My cat always wakes me up in the middle of the night and or I just wake up at 5 or 6 or 7. Usually I stay in bed until 8, in any of those cases. But I stayed longer than 8 even, and if I had just gotten up. I wonder, could I have helped you? But I wouldt have seen you, hidden behind the big bushes, outside on the street.

The lady vet who was very busy but was one of the only ones who answered my call told me if a car hit her on the head she was probably immediately dead. Or wherever you were hit. I hope. I hope. I hope you were. Were... you know, immediately. Without pain. I wish that you died loving me and looking forward to seeing me again and to receive pets. And I will give them to you, and all the food and all the hugs you want, once we meet again. Because I hope we meet again, I dearly do, seldom have I hoped so intensely for heaven to exist. I realized that the older I get, the harder it becomes to say goodbye, to lose someone. Up until this day I believed it would become EASIER. Easier, because by an old age, you would have been through so much already. Lost so many people, so many cats. But I realize it's not and I dread the days I have to say goodbye to our other cats, to any cat, actually, to any animal. I will not be thinking about people at this time, because it is too soon. To soon, to soon, to soon. As it was too soon for you. I love you so much.

Given we have somewhat a neighbour hassle I put my mind to try to find a vet who would examine your body. To make sure you weren't poisoned, because I couldn't see any visible injuries on you. Just this little, thick puddle of cherry red blood underneath your mouth. So many vets only opened in the late afternoon, so many were on holiday, so many only opened again on Monday. But I found this lady vet, and whilst having a patient on the table she hurryliy told me that, if I found you in the middle of the road, it was most likely car. And you were probably dead. You know. What I hope you was. For your sake. And for my sake. I dont want to talk about it anymore. I love you.

After this lady vet, who said that she technically does examine bodies, but who seemed somewhat reluctant and like the result was clear anyway, I called who I was going to call in the first place: the animal clinic 40 minutes from us. I wasnt keen on being with... a body, because that is what you were at that point, a body. With a body in the car for 40 minutes, but I was gonna do it, just to know, just to make sure that t h i s o n e t i m e I would actually k n o w what happened to my cat. So I would know and not wonder for the rest of my life: What happened? What went wrong? Could I have done something? Do I need to guard our other cats? But I was going to do it.

The lady who picked up this time was very friendly. She caught on almost immediately that I'd just lost a cat, and after she called me back to tell me that poison leaves the body too quickly to get usable results and that it would be a few hundred euro to have this analysis done, told me she wished me all the best and if I have any questions I should call. She was the first person that day - yesterday, it was just yesterday. But it felt like a nightmare, and it feels long ago already. A nightmare I want to forget, but I dont want to forget you. Susi.

She acknowledge my pain and your death and she consoled me when I had noone else who would do that for me. My parents are on holiday until tomorrow, the one friend who I told about your death literally just replied "I'm so sorry, that's so terrible, crying faces". But I needed more than that. I didnt get it until today when I woke up just as devastated as I was yesterday and went to have lunch with my grandmother, who also knew you. And who liked you, too.

"The green-eyed one" is what she called you. The green-eyed one, because green eyes you had. So beautiful, so big. In German, we like to say "Telleraugen". Eyes as big as plates. She was also visibly devastated. It is always said to tell your old grandmother that another beloved person or animal died. So much pain they have gone through already, and it just keeps getting worse.

But we talked a lot and long about you. And how it happened. Probably happened. And who I suspect to be the murderer. Our immediate neighbours, one of them at least. When I opened the door, shortly after, I heard them leave. The woman left in her white car. But I was just glad she left, I didnt care what direction she drove off to, so I didnt see where she went. I wish I had. And usually she drives into the direction where I found you on the street. May God punish her for her sins, and do so gruelly and painfully. If it was her. Maybe it was him, because later he returned in his old, small motorcycle thing. Maybe it was him. He shall be punished just as hard and gruelly as his girlfriend if it was either of them. And if it wasnt, I wish your murderer the plague and death and a hell of a lot of gruesome pain for the rest of their pitiful life. My first suspicions had been the neighbours who had newly moved here the last couple of years. Some younger people and old people who dont care at all that we have limit here in our village of 30 kmh. Who just never care and race down the hill like they own the place. And then hit a cat that just casually wanted to get her breakfast from a human who loves her very much. I hate all of you spenders, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, and I hate this neighbourhood and I hope everyone here dies a cruel death. Bit most of all, I hope your murderer and all other spenders who put the lives of loved ones at risk, die gruesome and cruel deaths. Just like you had to. I still love you.

Time is progressing, my battery decreasing and it is getting colder. I've written so much by now, but I have so, so much more to talk about. Tomorrow, my arms and fingers will hurt because I typed all of this on my phone. But at least I still have a body and feelings that can hurt me. Unlike you, who is not here anymore.

That day yesterday was so cruelly terrible. Oh my god.

I was so restless the whole day because I didnt know what to do with your body. I put it in the semi-shed/semi-room at the back of our house, where the small greenhouse and the grave of my mother's beloved cat, who was also hit by a car, but out of nowhere after a whopping 7 years of life. The grave which is also there. I had put you in a wooden basket somewhat, onto kitchen roll. For the blood to drip onto. And to make it more comfortable in your death, even though it probably wouldn't have made a big difference, even if you could have, or would have, still felt it. It was a bit too small for you and when I picked you up, you were so heavy, and so motionless, like, and I hate to draw this comparison, but like a sack of potatoes. Heavy and motionless and it was so weird to lift you up without you moving and squirming and trying to get away from me. It was so strange, alien strange, horribly strange. I saw the puddle out of the corner of my eyes but I didnt really see anything and I didnt want to see anything, the lady with the dog just wanted you off the street and that's what I did. I was blind with tears and when I put that wooden basket thing down I saw I hadn't put your head in a too comfortable position so I... I moved you a bit so that your head wouldn't be down at your chest, and your legs moved instead a bit over the rim. Then I squatted there, looking at you. As I do a lot with my other cat. To make sure you really weren't breathing anymore. To discover that you would still be breathing and I could still take you to the vet after all and I would still be able to feed you and pet you, and all would be good. But after staring at you intensely for 2 minutes or so. Blood still dripping a tiny bit out of your mouth, just luckily I didnt have to see that, your head was still moved so that I couldn't really see your face, just mostly your body. But I saw the blood on the kitchen roll expanding. It was seemingly clear that you were. The four letters.

But I didnt really believe it. Not really. Not really so. I went back upstairs to cry, and to do something about my sadness. To call the vets, have you examined, get clearance. To put my sadness to work. And as I sat there at the kitchen table with the phones I still expected you to come running up the stairs, staring into the room and scratching the glass door to have your food. That you just passed out for an hour or two or so and would come back. I really did!

And every shadow I saw out of the corner of my eyes, I thought they were all you, returning from the backside of the houses happily and healthy and excited and quirky as ever. Just your usual self, you know.

But you didnt come, and I was restless. After I had talked to the first lady vet I realized, I decided it was most likely a car that hit you. So at least I knew how it most probably happened. But what do to with your body? And I didnt want to bring you away just yet. Because it was clear to me that I would have to bring her to the most horrible, ungrateful and unworthy of any beloved pet or animal place on earth. Because you weren't my mums favourite, and she wouldn't want you in her garden. But at lunch I asked her anyway. I texted her about that I found you dead in street in the morning, and if I could bury you next to Leeloo to give you the forever home you probably always wanted. Just a little too late.

But my mother said no. Well, not explicitly. But she suggested I take you there, and after I said I didnt want to but it is her garden and her decision. I had to wait another couple of hours, until 6 o'clock in the evening, one of which I spent half asleep in bed with our second cat, because the living still demanded my attention, oblivious of the fact that one of them had just reached the end of their road. Until 6 clock in the evening when she finally replied to take you there.

Up until that point, I had gone back a couple of times to check on you. I sat at the kitchen table knowing flies would be all over your body at some point, because this is not the first time I had to witness the dead body of one of our cats. And I didnt want the flies there so I covered you up with newspapers. Another time I came to you with scissors and an empty box that had stored Qtips, because I wanted something od you to remain with me for the rest of my life. And your fur look so inviting, not flat on your skin but a bit more wildly into the air. So I carefully cut a few tips of your fluffy silkness. The box is sitting in front of me in the book shelf, originally I wanted to bury at least this bit of you in the garden next to the beloved cat. I wanted at least some part of you to have a furever home. And I still do. But I cant do it just yet. It could be that I will just keep it here. But I will definitely put up a stone with writing on it, saying "In love and remembrance of Susi".

Another time, before that, I think, I spent a long while sitting on the tiny stone rim in front of Leeloos grave, because I was pondering if I shouldn't just bury you anyway, despite what my mother says about you. But it was her garden, so I didnt. Just this one time, I wish I had not done as I was told. I wish I hadn't even asked.

But there, in the middle of the path to the grave, there were a bunch of unusally long daisies growing l, and I had the strong desire to put up flowers for Susi. For you. So I picked them and laid them down next to your body.

I think I went down another time, always in "full gear", with heavy boots on because the grass at the backside is usually wet and gross. But you laid on concrete in the semi-room, so no worries. So I went down there just to be with you. Because I still didnt want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. I refused to. I thought if I just spent some more time with you, you would wake back up. I had one of the masks on and one time gloves when I touched you. Which I didnt for the most part.

When I had Google about the poison, many people describe situations like your death. No, sorry, I googled what the blood meant, and that is where I found it could be poison, or even a heart attack, or inner injuries. But these people also described their cats having their eyes open, so I went to check your eyes cause I hadn't seen them. And they were open. Though I only saw one. One side of your face. If your cute, beautiful face. And I tried to close them, it, but almost immediately realized it didnt work, so I gave up. But I wish I could have done at least that for you.