#los angeles secret session

[sovasleepy]

hot and cold

[gekko x gn!reader] - you're an agent with such a seemingly cold exterior - both physical and metaphorical - but being gekko’s saving grace might change some minds about you.

warnings: the agents kinda make assumptions about the reader, a little hurt/comfort if you squint real hard. brief mentions of injuries, unconsciousness, very minor swearing

notes: tbh a “reyna being a motherly figure to gekko” vibe popped out a little too hard but i digress. requested by anon, i hope you enjoy!

kingdom's agents were well trained.

from the freezing temperatures of russia, to the most humid days on bermudian islands, the agents were resilient to all types of weather. today wasn't supposed to be particularly challenging in that aspect. a routine mission in some section of los angeles didn't sound particularly hot.

in fact, it had been the least of your worries about two hours ago.

you respected all of the agents on the protocol, especially considering the facts that not only were you newest addition, but some of the agents on this particular trip were among the first.

reyna, omen, cypher, and gekko stood next to you as the jet approached the site you were landing at. it felt almost childish to you that you were more nervous to be around your own coworkers than you were thinking about the fact that you could be lying dead any minute now.

they hadn’t ever directly been mean to you.

omen, bless him, was never any good at showing too much concern so you didn’t mind the cold shoulder you often felt from him.

cypher had his own secretive issues, and so did reyna.

that said, you never quite found your place amongst the agents. granted, you hadn’t been here too long, but the creeping and perpetual sense of being unwanted bothered you. to add to this, your abilities directly harmed the abilities of other agents. thus, your training sessions were always against your coworkers, which didn't always seem to sit well.

speaking technically, your ability did revolve around the manipulation of heat just like phoenix's did... only, you controlled the absence of it. the reaction of his abilities made fire, and yours made ice. this meant that you and phoenix either paired a little too well.

or not at all, depending on how one wants to look at it.

and then there were the other agents. kay/o's body produced a little heat, but ultimately couldn't produce enough to shake the ice. the same for killjoy's bots, cypher's tech, chamber's utility, sova's bow, even harbor's water.

and so you began keeping to yourself.

except for on missions, when communication was key. only your communications were down, and had been for some time.

the only people you could find were dead. slouched, bloodied bodies against buildings or in doorways seemed to mock you. luckily, none of them had been the faces of those on the mission with you.

that was until you heard a weak warbling. you called back to whatever created had made the noise, and was met with another weaker sound. still, you followed the creatures direction. after a few moments of sifting through debris, you were met with the dusty and bloody face of gekko.

dizzy sat curled up in his lap. his arm was limp, but bent as if he had been holding her close. for a brief moment, you thought he was dead. however, his chest rose and fell and slow, scarily shallow breaths. he was alive at least. the next thing on your agenda was to find the source of his unconsciousness, and hopefully stop it.

you knelt down to his level. he was slouched against the wall, head lolled to his left. there were splotches of dried blood on him, just the occasional mark on his clothing or his skin, but it didn't appear to be his.

his outer thigh had a darker patch of blood, thicker and definitely coming from him. however, the wound didn’t seem like it would be severe enough to have led to his current state. something else was wrong.

you continued to inspect him. his skin was pale, but cold and sweaty. this had to be the cause, right? but there was something deeper than that, those were simply more symptoms. you looked around and observed where gekko was. the trail in the dirt around him wasn’t footsteps, but was instead the markings of gekko half-dragging himself to where he was sat.

but yet he wasn’t in any danger at the time. the only pair of footsteps that had been close to him belonged to an already-dead enemy. so he dragged himself there for what? the shade that surrounding buildings and debris provided?

of course.

your alignment with the cold also gave you the benefit of not feeling the heat so harshly. it was the middle of a californian summer afternoon, of course it was hot.

heat exhaustion. that’s what was wrong with him.

you allowed yourself to feel the cool of chilled air surround your arms. you passed a hand over dizzy and wingman, who made weak noises of thanks. as much as you would like to help them, gekko needed you more right now.

you sat down beside him and pulled him onto your lap, his head on your stomach and him situated half on and half between your legs. you didn't want to turn him too cold too quickly, worried that the rapid change might cause him more harm. to the best of your ability, you slowly chilled your own body and the air around you.

one hand was placed on his forehead and the other arm hung over chest in an attempt to disperse the cool. dizzy, apparently feeling better, wormed her way up under his feet. elevating his legs was supposed to help too, right? maybe she knew that.

faintly, you heard a noise come from gekko’s earpiece.

“mateo? answer me, mateo. are you okay?”

the voice belonged to reyna. you hadn’t enteracted with her as much as you would’ve liked, but you respected her nonetheless.

you took your hand away from his forehead. after unbinding your own broken earpiece and tossing it, you leaned down to get closer to his. pressing the small button on the side, you spoke into it.

“hello? this is y/n. gekko is with me. i think he’s going to be fine, but he’s unconscious, and i really don’t know what i’m doing.”

“y/n?” the voice belonged to cypher this time. “how about you? are you alright? your communications and vital signs went down. we thought we lost you.”

“i’m… okay, i think? a few bumps and bruises, but nothing too bad apart from the earpiece i’ll be paying for.”

“good.” reyna spoke again. “omen is here, too. we have mateo’s location and we’re on our way. a medic is with us. just keep him alive until then.”

“got it.”

rushed as it may be, the concern they showed you warmed your heart. but everything felt like it was going to be okay. help was on its way, everyone was alive, and the mission was successful.

“just me and you guys,” you spoke, looking down at wingman and dizzy, who looked equally worried.

true to their word, the jet landed close to you roughly three minutes later. reyna was the first one to step foot off the aircraft, and the next thirty minutes went by in a blur. when your brain finally settled from its adrenaline high, you plopped down in a chair next to gekko’s bed in the makeshift-infirmary of the jet. reyna stood at the end of the bed. her arms were crossed and she wore her usual stern and hard-to-read face.

“the doctor said he was be alright, y’know.” she spoke after what felt like twenty minutes of comfortable silence.

you looked up from where you had been spaced out, staring at gekko. wingman was on the floor at your feet and you were absently letting him play with your fingers. however, he stopped to look up at reyna too.

“i hope so. i was… scared. honestly, i was beginning to think you guys would have left me. not that i would blame you. everything was down, you had every right to assume i was dead.”

“never.” she spoke. there was a chilling certainty in her voice. “you are an asset.”

“i suppose.” you paused for a beat, debating whether or not to finish your sentence. “i adore you guys. all of you. i think i just have a hard time finding my value to you all.”

you were met with silence. it festered, feeding the anxiety already unfurling within your chest. finally, reyna spoke again.

“admittedly, it’s hard to join the protocol and feel like you fit in. mateo felt the same way when he first joined, too, but the feeling goes away eventually. he wanted to speak to you, y’know?”

“he did?”

“all the time. he has this… fantastical way about him when he speaks about you. like he has all these… emotions or something built up, and instead of talking to you he’s trying to fit them all into two sentences while i’m still drinking my damn coffee.”

you couldn’t help but smile. you were always so nervous to talk to him, yet you never took the time to consider the fact that maybe he was nervous to talk to you too.

[nox140497]

My Boys (Sams version)

Request: No

Prompt: No

Summery: Y/N witnesses a sweet little moment between Sam and Colby and relises that these are her boys.

Pairings: Sam Golbach x Female Reader

Masterlist

Prompt List

Y/N had always believed that the true beauty of life lies in those little moments of love and endearment. And one drizzly afternoon in their cozy house in Los Angeles, she witnessed a moment that would forever be etched in her heart.

Y/N's boyfriend, Sam, and his childhood best friend, Colby, had been inseparable since they were kids. Despite life's twists and turns, they had managed to maintain their strong bond throughout the years. The trio now lived together in a charming house, their sanctuary, filled with laughter, creativity, and love.

On this particular day, Y/N found herself in the living room, engrossed in a novel. The sound of Sam's laughter drifted through the air, drawing her attention. Curiosity piqued, she set her book aside and stealthily crept towards the source of mirth. Peering around a corner, she discovered Sam and Colby in the kitchen engrossed in a passionate baking session.

Sam, wearing an apron splattered with flour, was meticulously measuring ingredients and adding them to a mixing bowl. Colby, equally adorned in flour, was busy whisking eggs with the utmost concentration. The kitchen was a whirlwind of warm aromas and playful banter.

Y/N quietly observed as Sam and Colby moved around each other with a synchronicity that only comes from years of friendship. They seamlessly complemented each other's actions, as if they shared a secret language only they understood.

As the cake batter began to take shape, Sam dipped his finger into the bowl, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "Colby, you know what we're missing? A little bit of magic." With that, he leaned in, softly smearing a dot of batter on Colby's nose. Both burst into laughter, their joy filling the room.

Y/N's heart swelled with a profound sense of gratitude. In that moment, she realized how lucky she was to be a part of their lives, their love, and their captivating friendship. They had opened their hearts to her, welcoming her into their circle without hesitation. Now, she understood why they referred to themselves as "her boys."

The aroma of the cake rose from the oven, filling the house with a delightful scent. Y/N emerged from her hiding spot, her gaze locking with Sam's. He smiled, a tender expression that held a thousand unspoken words. She crossed the room, stepping into his warm embrace.

Sam's voice broke the silence. "Y/N, welcome to our world of mischief and love. You are our anchor, the one who brings us together and completes our little family."

With tears welling in her eyes, Y/N whispered, "I am honored to be a part of it, to cherish these moments with you both."

As they stood there, enveloped in love, Y/N knew that this was just the beginning. The house in Los Angeles resonated with a sense of belonging, with the promise of countless sweet and endearing moments yet to come. And together, Y/N, Sam, and Colby would continue to nurture their friendship, forever grateful for the extraordinary bond that they shared.

[sturnioloshacker]

a secret sturniolo flirtation - a chris sturniolo short

a/n: requested by @iheartchrissturniolo; lowercase intended 

cw: implied smut but not in full detail

summary: the exchange student has a flirty encounter with a certain flirty triplet 

stepping onto boston soil, y/n approaches the exit gate to begin her life-changing 6-month exchange year from australia. little did she know that fate had its share of surprises awaiting her. the first surprise was finding out that her host family is none other than the sturniolo family - marylou, jimmy, their eldest son justin and the triplets nick, matt and chris - who all welcomed her with open arms. 

with the christmas holiday season fast approaching, the sturniolo household buzzed with festive energy from top to bottom. the house was fully decorated with tinsel, twinkling lights that shone bright like a rainbow, stockings over the fireplace and a huge christmas tree in the corner of the living room. almost every night was spent as a family sitting nice and close to each other on the couches as they watched a christmas movie and sipped on hot cups of cocoa. the pure warmth and love of them bonding with each other enveloped y/n, as she created many more new memories that she’ll cherish forever. 

however, amidst the chaos that came with the christmas holidays, a subtle yet romantic connection blossomed between y/n and the youngest triplet, chris. their eyes would always manage to meet from across the room and they would exchange secret smiles and glances all day, every day. playful yet flirty banter became their language, making sure that they’re hidden from the watchful eyes of his two older brothers. each stolen glance, each cheesy grin and each secret cuddle and kiss on the cheek at night fuelled the spark between them.

on a particular snowy night, while the family gathered for another christmas movie, y/n and her newfound lover chris found themselves walking along the quiet streets of boston, taking in the beautiful white scenery all around them. snowflakes fell from the sky as they walked hand in hand, their cheeks rosy from the cold but also from the warmth they’re emitting by being so close to one another. as the days unfolded, the flirty moments between the pair become more apparent, causing some subtle teasing from nick and matt. yet, beneath all the banter and teasing, there was an unspoken connection. something beautiful was brewing between the two, neither of them had any idea what was coming for them. 

as the clock struck midnight on new year’s eve, fireworks were not only set off in the night sky but also in the bellies of y/n and chris, who shared such a sweet and intimate moment amongst family and friends. through the kiss, their feelings for one another had been confessed and the night turned into an even bigger celebration. everyone may had gone to bed at 2am, but the two lovebirds were only just getting started. soft, sweet gentle kisses turned into ravishing heated makeout sessions, delicate hands in each other’s hair turned into rough caresses all over their bodies and cute giggles turned into seductive moans and whimpers. all in all, it was one of the best new year’s eve parties both have ever had. 

after 6 months, it was time for y/n to leave. tears were shed, hugs were exchanged and a loving kiss was shared between the now long-distance lovers. they may be long-distance, but that didn’t stop the pair from flying between the us and australia during the holidays. it also didn’t stop them from falling deeper in love and harder in love. In the end, a final decision was made between the pair. after a couple of months of booking flights and finding a suitable job, y/n finally moved in with the sturniolo triplets at their home in los angeles. what was supposed to be 6-months has now turned into forever, and that’s just perfect for y/n m/n l/n and christopher owen sturniolo. 

[smilocity]

His Goddess - Rodolfo Parra x VargasFemReader

Note: This is from my old account! (I will be reuploading them all to this account!) WARNING! This is my first time writing about military action, and war with battlegrounds/warfare. So bear with me...

Parring= Rodolfo Parra x VargasFem!reader

Genre= Fluff! Romance♡

Additional stuff to warn about= Guns, wounds, swears(mostly in Spanish), warfare, military action, etc.

And to add, I am not Mexican so I'm gonna have to use some poor translator for some sentences i'll be writing in the fic. (Apologies to all the Spanish speakers out there....)

_________________________________________

You are Alejandro Vargas' younger sister by 4 years, and by what Las Almas sees, you're like his little princess he doesn't want to see sad nor hurt. Hell, even his men are scared of your brother. Once, a new recruit for the Los Vaqueros thought you were a good choice to flirt with...Let's just say he was bedridden for about 4 days...

You met Rudy at the same time you joined the Los Vaqueros so you both clicked and just sailed away happily. Alejandro was relieved of you being quite attached to someone like Rudy as he is the only man he completely trusts aside from you and even called him his brother in all but blood.

Your occupation is being a combat medic and head of the medical department of the Los Vaqueros.

"Hermana. (Sister.) Rudy and I with some of our men are meeting up with Sergeant Mactavish and their Lieutenant of TF 141 to help for the El Si Nombre and Hassan problema." Your brother arrived in your office as you just finished taking care of 10 patients and their paperwork.

"¿Ah, de verdad? (Oh, really?) Interesante(interesting), Alejandro. But you do know the problem in Las Almas is bigger for only four soldiers, hm?" You reclined in your chair.

The leader of the Los Vaqueros only smirked, "You underestimate my allies, flor(flower). Rudy will be driving if you want to come along." Your brother left before you could even get a say in making you huff.

~~~

Rudy was already in the black van ready to go as he saw his superior and his sister.

Seeing you just made Rudy's day or even week, "No me digas. (Don't tell me.) ¿Te animó a unirte?" (He egged you on to join?)

"Mhm. Used you to bribe me. Puta. (Bitch)" you mumbled making both males chuckle.

"Ah, Rudy? ¿Estás bien para moverte? (Are you okay to move?) You took quite a beating when chasing Hassan a few days earlier. Estoy preocupada. (I'm worried.)" You gave the second in command a soft look making him smile delicately towards you.

"I'm fine, Angel. (That's your codename btw!) I've been through worse."

"Ahora, ahora tortolitos. Tendrás tiempo para coquetear más tarde." (Now, now lovebirds. You'll have time to flirt later.)

Both you and Rudy only slightly eye rolled at Alejandro's teasing and started to head to the meet up spot for the new allies.

When arriving, you were cut short with some problems since some new recruits caught themselves in strife, "Doc, dos cadetes se lesionaron durante una sesión De entrenamiento." (two cadets were injured during a training session.) Spoke up a Los Vaqueros when you arrived to the base making you sigh sharply, "Oh Dios mío...(Oh my god...) Looks like I'm held back again."

Alejandro and Rudy nodded, "We'll meet the Sergeant and Lieutenant for you, hermana. (sister)

Before leaving, you and Rudy did a secret handshake (It was basically you both giving each other a high-five from side to side then you guys doing a cross over your chests before doing a fist bump.)

"See you soon!" You bid goodbye to Rodolfo as you gave a nod to Alejandro.

"Nos vemos Ángel. (See you Angel.)" Smiled Rudy before getting a pat on the shoulder by his colonel as they left.

~~~

To cut it short, the Vaqueros(as) with the addition of Srg Mactavish and Lt Ghost haven't found El Sin Nombre making you get ticked off but radio to your brother that you will find him yourself if you have to.

"(Y/N) is it?"

You heard your radio working making you pause but answer, "Yes. Who is this?"

"Kate Laswell at your service ma'am. I heard you're the 3rd in command of the Vaqueros with Alejandro. I'm here to help you find El Sin Nombre. I'm with TF 141 consisting of Sergeant-" You cut her off,

"Mactavish and Lieutenant Ghost. I have heard quite a lot beforehand." You heard a hum for an answer.

"I have now understood that. I just sent you some information I have gathered from the boys on their recent search of El Sin Nombre. If you can, I'd love to see if you can find this person with my help."

You smirked, "Of course. Let's get to work Laswell."

After doing some digging with Kate, you both found out the Cartel had a house for a base in the far part of Las Almas.

"Thanks for the help Vargas."

"No problem Kate. I'll tell the boys and we'll be off with your orders." You said to her as you got the papers you used for information while talking with your radio.

"See you soon." That was the last message you've heard of her before the mission.

While getting out all the Vaqueros bowed to you in respect as you walked towards the part of the base where your brother is. (It was made mandatory they had to since Alejandro wants everyone to respect you like they respect him.)

Of course they were outside so they could be quickly briefed for the mission.

"Didn't know the Mexican Special Forces had a beautiful lady like you walking around." Said an unfamiliar person as you turned to see a soldier with short blonde locs and a smirk on his face.

'He's American...Must be with the Sergeant and Lieutenant.' You thought.

"There are many things you don't know about Las Almas." You replied ignoring the whole him hitting on you bit.

"Well then, let me at least get to know you better." Urged the man as he walked closer to you.

"¡Esa es mi hermana idiota!" (That's my sister dipshit!)

You both turned to see Alejandro speed power walking to get to you and the soldier.

"Detente ahora, Vargas. No lo sabía, eso es todo." (Basta ahora, Vargas. Él no lo sabía, eso es todo.) You held a hand to the colonel's chest to stop him from hurting the oblivious guy.

"What now?" As you said before, the blonde male was confused as hell since you both spoke Spanish and not English.

"Please excuse the Colonel. He gets...protective of me. Ale. Move." You apologized on behalf of your brother before ordering him to get a move on so you can be introduced to the rest of the men, the said Colonel moved on your order.

"Whoa! I didn't know there was someone who can order Alejandro around like that." Said a surprisingly Scottish voice near Rodolfo and Lieutenant Ghost.

"She's the only one who can." Added Rudy as he smiled when you approached them.

"Men, meet the head of the medical department in the Mexican Special Forces. (Y/N). Codename: Angel." Introduced Alejandro as you smiled and nodded to the men.

"It is nice to meet you all. I was supposed to meet you beforehand when you landed but some idiotas(idiots) decided to hurt themselves while training." You joked as you shook the Scottish male's hand.

"Sergeant John Mactavish. Nice to meet you. Call me Soap." Smiled the man, as you nodded.

"Ghost." Simply replied the Lieutenant making you nod.

"Philip Graves. Head of the Shadow Company. At your service ma'am." The man that talked to you before smiled at you. Alejandro gives a short glare, making you do the same to him, making him stop.

"Alejandro." You warned.

"Sí, sí flor. (Yes, yes flower.) Got information for us?" Asked the Colonel as you nodded.

"Yes. I have acquainted myself with Laswell and talked about your next move. Y deja de burlarte del coronel, sé profesional.” (And stop teasing Colonel, be professional.) You nodded.

"By all means, please do tell." Urged Graves.

"There's a small selected house in the outskirts of Las Almas. We figured they(Cartel) could be there. And I think possibly, El Sin Nombre." You told the males as you showed them a picture of the house and the address.

"So we just go there and tackle the guy or whoever El Sin Nombre is?" Summed up Soap as you nodded.

"Bingo. All the vehicles and weapons are at your disposal. The only thing we need for this mission is you and El Sin Nombre back. And as head of the medical department, I want you all to be unharmed during this mission if you can." You finished.

"We'll do our best. Let's move! Volveré.” (I'll be back.) Alejandro kissed the side of your head as you smiled, "Vuelve pronto.” (Be back soon.)

"Rudy. Permanezca en (S/N) y en espera.” (Stay with (Y/N) and standby.) Alejandro ordered his second in command.

Rudy gave his leader a nod, " Si Colonel." (Sí, coronel.)

You scoffed, "I don't need protection."

As soon as the men left Rudy started to silently cackle, "Say that again when you were cornered by three big men ready to tackle you down if Alejandro wasn't there to save you."

"Rudy! ¡Cállate! (Shush!)" You hit the man on his back as he only laughed more.

"Eres tan lindo cuando estás loco, Ángel.” (You are so cute when you’re mad, Angel.) The man before you held your hand as you had to register what he had said, making you turn away.

"Estúpido... decir cosas así sin darme una advertencia adecuada…" (Stupid...saying stuff like that without giving me a proper warning...)

"I'm glad to be called stupid by you. Come on, why don't we hang out for a bit, hm? That is...if you'd like to spend time with all your papers instead of me." Suggested Rodoflo making you laugh at how dramatic he is.

"Don't worry, Para. I'm all yours for the rest of the day."

You didn't know that the man was flustered by your statement before he started jogging to catch up to you.

~~~

"WHERE IS HE?" You yelled as some masked men decided it was a good idea to invade your base.

"Angel! We gotta go! They're here to arrest us!" Rudy grabbed your hand and led you to a secret pathway out of the base before you'd be detained/arrested by the mysterious masked men.

"Rudy! ¿¡Qué está pasando!? ¿Quiénes eran esos tipos y dónde está mi hermano?!” (What's going on!? Who were those guys and where is my brother?!) The moment you enter a small black SUV is when you bomb the second in command with questions.

"Graves se volvió y acogió a Alejandro. Lo recuperaremos.” (Graves turned and took Alejandro in. We're getting him back.) Responded Rudy as he drove to the safe house.

"That pendejo(dumbass)! I'll sever him up when I find his body if he did something to my brother! Let's go and break him out." You said as you got a few guns and put on some tactical gear.

But before you can continue on suiting up Rudy held your shoulders, "I can't let you go, Angel. Not when Alejandro told me to keep you safe."

"Rudy. I joined at the same time with you and Ale. I've been a soldier before being a doctor. I know how to use a gun." You reminded me.

"Sé que no eres débil, amor. Pero no puedo soportar que te lastimen ahí fuera. Déjame traerlo de vuelta.” (I know you're not weak, love. But I can't bear you to get hurt out there. Let me bring him back.)

You knew Rudy wasn't going to let you go but you still want to protest, "But Rudy...Alejandro is–"

You were cut off by some soft warm lips on your own for a few moments before they were pulled away.

"Por favor(Please), Angel." He looked in your eyes with a pleading look making you sigh and nod.

"One injury and I'm going to find that American myself if he hurts you." You warned making him smile.

"I'll keep that in mind. See you." He nodded as you both did your handshake.

"See you, Rudes."

~~~

While Rodolfo went to check the perimeter you went to the small medical area of the safe house before you heard a noise outside. You radioed to your ally immediately.

"Rudy? Alguien está afuera." (Someone 's outside.)

"Quédate quieto. Estoy atrás dirigiéndome al área principal de la casa. Quédate en las sombras."  (Stay put. I'm in the back heading to the main area of the house. Stay in the shadows.)

"Rog."

It was quiet for a few moments making you grab a pistol and a few throwing knives before using the shadows as an advantage.

You stopped dead in your tracks when you heard someone get in from the window making you hide behind a large wooden pole.

A red laser appeared on the man's shoulder, "Don't move." A deep voice was heard throughout the house before a knife was heard hitting the wooden pole.

"¿Quién es?" (Who is it?)

You didn't wait for Rudy to get a reply as you threw a warning knife back at the men as it hit the window near them, "Cac naomh...!" (Holy shit...!) Lowly exclaimed a Scottish voice making you remember on the men you've met before at the base.

"Rodolfo!"

"Soap! Ghost!"

Rudy got out of his hiding spot as you stayed put in the shadows.

"Nice throw." Rodolfo gave back the knife to the Lieutenant.

"What about the other one? Who threw it?" Asked the masked soldier.

"Ángel. Está bien. Si estás cerca, puedes salir ahora." (Angel. It 's okay. If you're near, you can come out now.)

"Podrías haberme dicho que tendríamos invitados, Rudy." (You could've told me we'd have guests, Rudy.) You appeared from the shadows making the Scottish soldier curse under his breath.

"That was you wasn't it?" Asked the masked soldier as you nodded.

"Forgive me about that. I didn't know it was you." You apologized before thanking Soap for giving your knife back.

"That was a good one. Almost had me there." Praised the Scottish man as you smiled, "Ale always wanted me to be prepared for every situation. I was a soldier before being a doctor."

"Speaking of that. You two were on the run?" Asked Rudy.

"Yeah."

"But I was on the run. Ghost waited for me." Clarified Soap.

"Of course no?" You asked.

"No–"

"Yes. This happened on my watch. And I need help to fix it. We're a team. No one fights alone." Cut off Ghost as Soap nodded.

"Why did Graves turn?" Rudy asked the bombing question.

"We don't know. But no can be trusted out there. Price, Shepherd, Laswell, and all others are considered hostiles." Answered Ghost.

"Except for–" you cut off the Scottish soldier, "Alejandro. He was taken, no?"

"Yes. And we're getting him back." Responded Ghost.

Rudy then led the group to a table and explained where your brother was being held.

They quickly got into gear to get the Colonel back.

"I'll stand by and head towards our other base. It isn't completely safe here." You told the men making them agree.

"Be safe, Doc." Nodded Soap as you gave a nod as well.

"Nice throw back there." The Lieutenant praised you, making you smile, "You as well."

Rudy held your head before giving you a silent message with his eyes, "Volveré contigo." (I will come back to you.)

"You better, Tonto.” (Dumbass) You whispered back before doing your handshake.

(While heading to the prison.)

Soap was a bit curious about the relationship you and Rudy had, "Rodolfo. What kind of relationship are you in with the doc?"

"Àngel's been with me and Alejandro since we've joined. 20 years to be exact. Toughest woman I've met in my life. Same goes to Alejandro. We swore to protect her as she's saved our lives so many times. That's why the Colonel always tells me to keep close to her, to keep her safe." Answered the second in command.

"Hm. Seems like you've done a good job."

"Thanks."

"Feels like you two are closer than friends." Jumped in Ghost.

"We are. It's a bit classified." Responded Rudy.

"Classified, eh? Don't think Alejandro would like that." Joked Soap.

"Hm. He didn't at the beginning." Lowly chuckled the Mexican before he changed the subject and went to their task.

(After getting Alejandro out.)

"What about my sister Rudy? Is she..." started the Colonel as he was handed a rifle.

"She's fine, Colonel. She went to a more secure base. That's where we're going too." Nodded Rudy.

"Good. Let's get my men out." Stated Alejandro.

"Wait a second...You have a sister Alejandro?!" Said a bit too loudly Soap as they continued to move forward in the prison.

"Be more quiet Soap. We're in bloody enemy territory." Scolded Ghost.

"Sí (Yes). I kept it a secret to protect her. She wanted to join me and Rudy to look after us. I trust you and Ghost so I'm telling you this now."

"Thank you for trusting us. Won't tell a soul." Thanked John.

"Of course."

~~~

You were ordering around some Vaqueros to prepare for the fight that Alejandro would like to have ASAP since Graves turned.

"¡Escucha ahora! (Listen now!)" Whistled the Colonel to his men as you ran up to him.

"¡Gracias a Dios...! (Thank goodness...!) Are you okay?" You asked as you examined your brother's face as he only smiled.

"I'm fine hermana. (Sister.) Glad you're safe too." Alejandro kissed your forehead making you smile before you two held each other's hands as a greeting.

"No way I'm leaving you and Rudy alone." You joked as you saw Rudy making you hug him.

"Estoy de vuelta como le prometí a mi amor." (I'm back as promised my love.)

"Me alegro de que hayas vuelto." (Glad you're back.)

"I'm confused here right now." Said Soap as you smiled at him and Ghost.

"Captain, Sergeant Garrick. This is my sister, (Y/N) Vargas. The head of the medical department of Los Vaqueros." Introduced your brother as you nodded to the new sergeant and the captain who was beside him.

"Delighted to meet you Miss Vargas. Captain Price of TF 141." Captain Price nodded towards you and even took off his hat in much more proper greeting.

The new sergeant beside him nodded as well, "Same here."

"Nice to meet you Captain, Sergeant." You greeted back.

"Wait! You're the sister!? This whole time?!" Yelled Soap making you grin.

"You just caught on to that Johnny?" Asked the masked soldier.

"I thought it was obvious by how affectionate he is. But yes, he is my blood brother." You responded.

"So then, what's your relationship with Rodolfo?" Asked Soap.

"Ella es mi ángel. (She's my angel.) My wife of 6 years." Answered the second in command as he held your left hand.

"What?! I only thought you two were close friends!" To TOTALLY clarify, Soap did NOT see that coming. He honestly thought you were dating Alejandro by how close you two are. And thought you were the sister of Rudy. While trying to figure out who could be the Colonel’s sister.

"We get that a lot. Some actually thought I was my own brother's wife a few times before Rudy made it public to the person who asked. Al menos podrías haber aclarado lo de la hermana, idiota. (You could've at least clarified the sister thing idiot.)" You laughed a bit as you explained the misinformation before scolding your husband.

"Alejandro told me to keep it secret, querida." (darling)

"Oi! Lovebirds! Let's move. We got an American to finish." Said your brother as you gave him a small playful glare before following him and the team to the table.

Captain Price was the one to talk about the plan as they all grabbed skeleton masks naming themselves to be the "Ghost Team."

You almost did a double take when Ghost took off his own mask to the team as Price welcomed him back, "Good to see you, Simon."

Since you and Rudy were near Gaz and Soap you whispered to the Scottish soldier, "Better engrave that in your head before you forget Sergeant."

He huffed meaning he found it funny making you do a small grin before the men went to all put masks on.

"Okay, the first team is Alejandro, Sergeant Garrick with some Vaqueros to secure Valeria and possibly our base again. Alejandro will be leading since he knows the base well. The next team consists of Rudy, Ghost, Soap with Vaqueros. Ghost will be leading the team. The third team will be Price in a helicopter to assist in the air with a pilot. Laswell had already got the coordinates to where you will be dropped off at the base. Any objections?" You explained as you showed your tablet and the teams.

None of the men said anything making you learn they understood and have no complaints.

"Nice one, Doc. Let's move." Praised the captain making you smile, "Delighted to be of help captain."

Soap and you did a small high five as you gave a nod to Ghost and Gaz.

"Be safe." You said as you hugged your brother.

"Always. You too!" He said as he joined Gaz and the Vaqueros on his team.

Rudy gave you a loving look, "Te amo.” (I love you.)

You smiled before putting his forehead on yours, "Yo también te amo a ti, mi marido. (I love you as well my husband.) Esté a salvo y regrese conmigo.” (Be safe and come back to me.)

"haría cualquier cosa que estuviera en mi poder para volver con mi esposa. Nos vemos pronto, Ángel." (I'd do anything in my power to come back to my wife. See you soon, angel.)

"You're so romantic. Go." You chuckled as he squeezed your hand before leaving, "You know it!" You heard him say, making you laugh.

~~~

It was a few hours and there were already so many Vaqueros that got injured while giving Graves some payback as you already had to operate on 12 men and women.

It was a rush but none had suffered any severe injuries, just some deep gashes, big cuts and strained limbs. With a few who got a hit on the side of some bullets but at least no surgery this time!

While you started on the paperwork one of your nurses appeared to tell you some news, "Doc. El Coronel y el segundo al mando están de regreso con sus equipos. Te están esperando afuera." (The Colonel and second in command are back with their teams. They're waiting for you outside.)

"Finalmente. (Finally.) Gracias. (Thank you.) Estás a cargo hasta que yo regrese.” (You're in charge till I get back.)

"Sí, Doc.” (Yes, Doc.)

You walked outside making the men turn to you as Alejandro was first to greet you, "Hope you weren't busy, flor (flower)."

"Not really. Except for the numerous patients I had to stabilize with a small needle and be covered in blood while patching up wounds. Graves is gone...?"

Soap nodded, "Blew him up to smitherins." You nodded as you did a fist bump to the Scottish man.

"Valeria will stay in our custody until further notice. My sister will interrogate her more if  she hides more information from us." Alejandro spoke up.

"Valeria, huh? Seems like she was trying to keep the war and terrorism intact for her business with the Cartel. Not surprised at her being El Sin Nombre." You hummed as the said woman was seen getting into the black SUV.

"So the golden child appears at last. ¿Cómo estás? Espero que Alejandro no te haya ocultado mucho sobre nosotros.” (How are you? Hope Alejandro hasn't hid that much from you about us.) Smirked the ex female soldier towards you.

"I got this." You stopped your brother from roasting the bitch in front of you, "¡Será mejor que mires lo que dices, perra! Los usaré contra ti.” (You better watch what you say, bitch! I'll be using them against you.) You swore to her in Spanish before signaling the men to take her away already.

"Steamin' fuckin' Jesus...You're wife is something Rodolfo." Said Soap to your husband as the man smiled, "She is. Now you know why I married her."

"She's still my Angel Rudy. She's my sister. Well it looks like this is it, eh?" Retorted playfully to the Colonel before smiling towards Ghost and Soap.

"Guess it is. Keep fighting the good fight, hermano.” (Brother) Soap and Alejandro shook each other's hands while patting each other's shoulders.

"To the bitter end my brother."

"Good luck amigos.” (Friends) Rudy then shook Soap's hand right after.

"It was nice meeting you, (Y/N). Hope to see you soon." Smiled the sergeant to you as you both did a small fist bump, "Of course. Same here Soap. Esté seguro ahí fuera." (Be safe out there.)

"Si hermana." (Yes sister.) You smiled when he talked in Spanish with his accent as he then patted Ghost on the shoulder so they could head out in the chopper waiting for them.

"Keep your throws well." Simply said Ghost towards you as you nodded, "You too."

"Oi Ghost!" Your brother stopped the Lieutenant, "No te pierdas, hermano.” (Don't get lost, brother.)

"A huevo!"(Of course!) He yelled with a fist in the air before turning back to the chopper.

Alejandro chuckled at that as you saw them leave.

"You made them learn Spanish, didn't you?" You asked.

"Hey, the more the merrier, no?" Laughed your brother, "Vamos. (Come on.) We get the afternoon for ourselves if we get the puta (bitch) locked away in time."

"Rudy? I almost forgot. Glad you're back, mi corazón.” (My heart.) You kissed his lips briefly before patting his chest a few times.

"Hey. I told you I'd do anything in my power to come back to you. Come on, let's go before your brother teases us again." Chuckled your husband as he opened the door of the van for you.

"Too late! Move, you two! Or else I'll make you!" Yelled the Colonel making you and Rudy laugh as you both entered the van.

"Wanna go on a date later on? It's been a while." Asked Rudy.

"I'd love that." You smiled.

"Oi. What did I say about being cariñoso(lovey dovey/loving) while on duty?" Teased Alejandro.

"Nothing, Ale. This is the first time you've spoken of that ever since me and Rudy got married, pendejo. (Stupid/dumbass, etc)" You retorted as you all laughed and headed to the place where Valeria will be locked up.

(Bonus! Here's you taking care of Rudy after he met Hassan. Note: he was shot with adrenaline during the process of the bullet extraction.)

You shot Rudy with adrenaline so the process of extracting the bullet will be less painful.

"Eres tan bueno conmigo.” He murmured to you, eyes blown from the adrenaline. (You're so good to me.) 

“Te amo mucho.” (I love you so much.) Your husband told you as you did your work on his injury. “Eres un verdadero Ángel que los dioses me han regalado. (You're a true Angel that the gods have gifted me.) Eres una doctora y una esposa increíbles." (You are an amazing doctor and wife.) Rudy babbled on and on. It lasted at least 5 five minutes.

You had to force yourself from not smiling from ear to ear at the compliments your husband has given you but also found it funny since it was due to the effects of the syringe mostly but he's still behind those words.

"Cállate ahora, amor. Déjame ayudarte. Ahorra el aliento." (Hush now, love. Let me help you. Save your breath.) You whispered to the man you're operating before giving a small face rub to assure him you're still there beside him.

But your hand that held his cheek was trapped by the arm that wasn't shot, You could see the love and adoration in his eyes.

"¿Cómo tuve tanta suerte?" (How did I get so lucky?)

That made your heart jump at how adorable he looked. (He'd kill you if you said it out loud.)

"I should be saying that. Now lie back down and rest up, the syringe won't last long and I'm only almost done." You gently put him down so his bruised rib and other injuries you've treated wouldn't get irritated.

"Please say yes if I ask you to have a family with me in the future. I want to spend eternity with you, amor. Eres una diosa para mí. (You're a goddess to me.) Let me worship you."

You were so glad that your medical room was slightly dim lighted so your husband wouldn't see your taken aback face. But you were regardless, happy he had life goals set already.

"Rudy...I'd love that. All of it, but please. Save your strength. And I'm no goddess, just a doctor, Mr. Parra." You finally got the bullet out of his arm and now it was time to stitch him up. You had to use another syringe since the last one was getting weaker.

"Tonterías. (Nonsense) You are one."

"Rudy..." You warned him, but you just wanted him to rest instead of forcing himself to assure you he'd be fine or him spouting his praise towards his wife.

"Sólo que decir mi nombre me hace feliz. Esa es una verdadera diosa para mí."(Just you saying my name makes me happy. That's a true goddess to me.)

"You are such a hopeless romantic."

"Only for you, armor. Only for you."

[taylorswiftstyle]

Out and about | Los Angeles, CA | January 6, 2024

Christian Louboutin 'Frenchie Over the Knee Boots' - $1,595.00

My one remark upon seeing this outfit is: Sleek. From the streamlined silhouette of the 'fit complemented by straight hair and fitted boots. I’m also loving the way the eye can bounce back and forth between the ‘sandwiched’ hardware elements here between her exposed necklace and the grommets on these killer boots (which imo also bear striking resemblance to a pair of Giuseppe Zanotti boots she wore to one of the rep Secret Sessions).

And speaking of said boots! What’s fascinating about them is that they are from the brand’s FW2018 collection. It’s not unusual to see Taylor pull from the archives, I noted how she did this ahead of the release of 1989 (Taylor’s Version) with older pulls either from her own closet that had first made their mark in 2014-15 or new-to-us items she was giving their first spin from older collections.

All this to say, suspicious suspicioning is suspected.

Illustration by Amelia Noyes

[alexturner2005]

“Violist Caroline Buckman was among the musicians invited by Paul McCartney to participate in a secretive Los Angeles recording session in 2022, unaware it was for the final Beatles song to be released 18 months later, titled Now and Then. Buckman died of cancer before learning what she was working on, but her friends and family are thrilled she was part of it.” …“When she recorded that session with McCartney, she'd been battling breast cancer for five years. She'd struggled through chemotherapy, and a pharmaceutical regimen, but, Bisharat said, she never complained. ‘She was still upbeat,’ he said. Less than a year later, she was gone. She died in L.A. on March 5, 2023, at age 48. People mourned her as a daughter, a musician, sister, partner, friend. One final line, however, was etched only belatedly into her epitaph: For four minutes and eight seconds, the length of one improbable song, Caroline Buckman was a Beatle.”

You guys may recognize Caroline as a member of TLSP's string quartet 💔

[coneyislandbabey]

masterlist -> coneyislandbabey

EVERYTHING UNDER THE CUT ! I'll do my best to keep this up to date lol

EDDIE ROUNDTREE !

going to california. : you move to Los Angeles, and are surprised to run into an old childhood friend. [3.3k] well, my boyfriend's in a band.: nobody thinks the thing between you and Eddie can be as pure and real as you say it is. [1.3k] butterflies and zebras (and moonbeams and fairy tales).: You and Eddie have a daughter. The first weeks of her life growing up in the house with you both and the band. [3.1k] Beast of Burden series: the push and pull between you and Eddie Roundtree was never-ending. No matter how hard you tried to push him away, you always came back together. -> (i'll never be) your beast of burden.: part one. Pittsburgh, 1967. [2.6k] -> my back is broad, but it's a-hurtin'.: part two. Pittsburgh, 1969. [2.1k] -> you keep on tellin' me i ain't your kinda man. : part three. Baltimore, 1970. [2.8k] -> i don't need no beast of burden. : part four. On the road, 1971. [3.8k] -> (put me out, put me out) put me out of misery.: part five. Los Angeles, 1973. [1.7k] -> all your sickness, i can suck it up.: part six. Los Angeles, 1974. [1.5k]

GRAHAM DUNNE !

testing his patience. : Graham finds his voice defending you after Billy takes his anger out on you during a recording session. [2.2k] the boys are back in town.: The Six are back in Pittsburgh during the Numbers tour, and Graham runs into his high school crush. [6.8k] i only have eyes for you.: You bit Graham at preschool when you were three years old. The rest, they say, is history. [3.5k]

WARREN ROJAS !

crossed wires.: a night of complicated feelings and jealousy lead to a revelation between you and Warren. [1.5k] she's got a strange magic.: Warren is usually cool and confident, but there's something about you that makes him completely nervous. He's desperate to ask you out, and he's desperate to get it right. [1.3k] i'd have you anytime.: You don't expect something to bloom between you and the drummer of your brothers' band, and when it does, the two of you try (and fail) to keep it a secret. [5.1k] she's a rainbow.: Warren's got it bad for Camila's childhood best friend. [2k] still raining, still dreaming.: It's a rare day off, and you and Warren spend it being lazy together in bed. [1.3k] so hot you're hurting my feelings.: your seemingly innocuous wardrobe choice makes Warren lose his mind. [1.7k] time to play b-sides.: you and warren pick up the pieces after the band falls apart. [1.1k] Mariposaverse fics: (these are not listed or written in any particular chronological order and can be read in any way after the first one) i'm with you.: You and Warren are friends with benefits. And then you find out you're pregnant. [3k] my mariposa. : a little domestic snapshot of you and Warren as new parents. [1.3k] butterfly wings.: It's your and Warren's daughter, Mariposa's first halloween. [1.1k] light of the love that i found.: Yours and Warren's wedding. [2.3k] the pick-me-up.: Life has been wearing you and Warren down lately, but Mariposa saying her first word really brings up your spirits. [1.1k] don't cry my sweet, don't break my heart.: Warren being a good dad and having a little crisis about his little girl growing up. [1.5k] Camp Wawayanda Lake: summer camp au. prank war and men super short shorts. What else do you need? -> prologue; bug spray and bonfires and booze.: You arrive at camp and reunite with old friends. There’s a drunken bonfire, and Warren is suddenly, distractingly beautiful. [2k] -> one; a study in lake water and forest princesses.:  It’s the first day of camp and Billy does something stupid that sets Daisy on a summer-long path toward revenge. [3.6k]

KAREN SIRKO !

high by the beach. : The feelings that grow between you and Karen Sirko seem to be the easiest thing in the world. [2k] with a girl like you.: You first cross paths with Karen Sirko when your band is recording your first album. After the fact, you can't get her out of your head; turns out, Karen's been feeling the same way. [1.5k]

[allmoshnobrain]

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 22 of ? | masterpost

word count: 3319 | ao3 link | fic's playlist

All the hugs, the laughter, the comfort, the advice. The way his blue eyes were always locked onto mine. Maybe I should've caught on sooner. It's not like it was some big secret, especially since Dave got the boot from the band. But somehow, I clung to the hope that I was wrong. That the bond between us was stronger than any attraction he might have. That he wouldn't risk doing something that could change it forever. Something irreversible.  Something like a kiss.

✦ summary: An unexpected action by James confuses Nore's feelings and changes their friendship beyond repair.

✦ on this chapter: dave mustaine x female!oc, james hetfield x female! oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst, love triangle, drinking, smoking, recreational drug use, kissing

✦ a/n: I'm back earlier this time! This part was a lot easier to write because I confess it has been living rent free in my head for a while lol Hope you guys like it, feedbacks are welcome and motivate me a lot!

✧ Don't wanna touch you, but you're under my skin / I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison ✧

The trip back to Los Angeles was pretty quiet as I got lost in my own thoughts. Still trying to wrap my head around my mom's offer and all the baggage it brought, my mind was racing, keeping pace with the dark night scenery outside the window.

"You're awfully quiet," Dave remarked, jolting me back to reality. I glanced at him; he was focused on the road, but looked a bit bothered by my silence.

"My bad," I murmured. "It's just... a lot to take in at once."

"No need to apologize," he said, a small smile playing on his lips. He casually took one hand off the wheel, placing it on my thigh, his thumb tracing gentle circles on my skin. I rested my hand on his, leaning back into the seat. He furrowed his brow, the usual sign of concentration, and his hand left mine to shift gears; I smiled faintly, appreciating how good he looked when he was focused. "How are you doing?"

"Me?" I questioned, and he nodded with a grunt. I sighed. "I guess I'm okay. My family is complicated, but it's nothing I'm not used to."

"Your dad seemed nice," he smiled, stealing a quick glance at me. I chuckled softly.

"Yeah, he's... easier to deal with. Now, my mom..."

"She's... interesting," he commented, and I laughed softly, catching on that he was being polite. We were almost home now; Dave stopped the car at a red light and turned to face me, gazing into my eyes.

"She's a pain in the ass, that's what she is," I said, and he burst into laughter. "Always acting like she's better than everyone. She always... always makes me feel like I'm hard to love," I concluded with a sigh.

"Hey," he lifted my chin with his fingers, making me meet his serious and focused gaze. I felt my face warm as he leaned in, planting a gentle kiss on my lips before pulling away. He whispered into my ear, "That's not true... It's very easy to love you."

The rest of September passed by like a hurricane. A few days after visiting my parents, we threw a small birthday party for Dave with our closest LA friends. To spice things up, there was a mini jam session where Dave, David, and a couple of other friends belted out some fresh tunes they'd cooked up. They had no vocalist yet, but I was blown away by the raw power and intensity of Dave's new compositions anyway. When he strummed those chords, it felt like a surge of electricity took over the whole place. Everything about him cranked up a notch; it was downright impossible to peel my eyes away, even for a second.

October rolled in, and with the streets all decked out for Halloween, I received an invite that temporarily shoved aside my worries about my mom's deal. Leanne's birthday was just around the corner, and she was throwing a bash for the upcoming weekend at Joe's place. Word was it would be a wild one. I hit up San Francisco on Saturday morning, thinking I was kinda early, but his place was already buzzing with people, tunes, and drinks.

"Nore! You made it!" Leanne beamed when she spotted me.

"Hey, Lea. Happy birthday." I grinned, handing over the gift I brought—some records from bands I knew she liked.

"Oh, you brought me a present, thank you!" she squealed, hugging me. I chuckled, giving her a squeeze back. She pulled away with a grin. "Hey, Cliff and the others are by the pool. I'm heading there soon, but if you wanna roll in before..."

"Oh, I'll track 'em down. Got a spot to stash this?" I pointed to the backpack on my back and the helmet from my bike.

I cruised to the backyard after Lea helped me stash my gear in Joe's room. Didn't have to play detective to find my friends; Cliff, Lars, James, and Kirk were deep in conversation by the pool, dead set on pouring vodka from a bottle into little plastic shot cups.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Lars yelped as I strolled up. "James, you snagged way more than the rest of us."

"Why don’t you pour it yourself, then?" James shot him a look, lifting an eyebrow. I grinned.

"Can't believe you dudes didn't save a drop for me," I teased, making them all look up at once.

"Nore!" Lars shouted, all pumped. I threw out a quick hi to the guys before zeroing in on Cliff.

"So, did Dave give you the green light to be here?" he quipped with a smirk. I huffed, rolling my eyes.

"He doesn't need to give me the green light for anything, Cliff," I muttered, and he chuckled before yanking me into a hug.

"Good to see you, Nore. Hey, what's that there?" Cliff pointed to the bag hanging from my arm.

"Oh, about that... Can I chat with you for a sec?" I asked in a hushed tone. Cliff raised an eyebrow, looking intrigued, but gave a nod. We strolled away, finding a quieter spot in the backyard. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, expertly fishing out a joint and lighting it, shielding the flame from the gentle morning breeze with his hands.

"So, spill. What's the scoop?" he asked, and I sighed before handing him the bag. He opened it, furrowing his brow at the sight of the Metallica record. "Wow. Is the album this bad?"

"It’s awesome ," I said, then sighed. "But... Cliff, Dave got really bent out of shape when he saw this. I just figured... maybe you could hold onto the record for me for a bit. I don't want him getting worked up about it..."

"Nore. This isn't right," Cliff stated, his voice firm. I lifted my eyes, locking onto his gaze, and could tell he wasn't very happy with what I'd just said. "You can't do this. You're giving up on living because of him. First, you move to be with him, and we hardly see each other anymore. Now this?"

"You don't get it, Cliff. Please," I pleaded. "I don't want to fight. Not with you guys, not with him."

"Is he giving you grief because of us?" Cliff raised an eyebrow. I sighed, dropping my gaze, but didn't say anything. "Nore." Cliff held my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. "I can hang onto this for you if you really want. But you gotta tell me you know he's not your responsibility."

"Cliff..."

"Remember what I said when you two started dating?" he cut me off. "If he messes with you, I got your back. Cool?"

"Okay," I murmured, giving a small smile. "Thanks."

"Anything for my fave cousin," he grinned, and I chuckled softly. "Come on, let's get back to the shindig."

Back in the mix with Kirk, Lars, and James, we found the vodka bottle now half-gone, abandoned at James' feet while they all helped themselves to some beers.

"I'm gonna stash this and track down Lea. Back in a sec," Cliff announced, waving the bag with my record. I gave a nod, turning my focus back to the guys.

"Hey, Nore!" James hollered, a grin spreading across his face the moment he spotted me. "There's no way you're sober. You used to be a champ at this drinking thing."

"James, it's ten in the morning," I laughed, and he scoffed, passing the beer he had to Lars and grabbing the vodka bottle from the ground. He popped it open, strolling over and throwing a hand on my shoulder with a grin.

"Don't tell me you're thinking of laying off the booze."

"Of course not," I shot back, raising an eyebrow challengingly. He, along with Lars and Kirk, burst into laughter.

"You gotta taste this vodka. Lars swiped it straight from his old man's stash," Kirk chimed in.

"Yeah, it's awful," Lars laughed, then hiccupped. I rolled my eyes with a smile. I knew my friends turned into total goofballs when they hit the bottle, but watching it unfold while I was stone-cold sober was a whole different trip.

"Come on, open up," James slurred, his words dragging, gripping my chin in his hand.

"James!" I exclaimed, caught off guard, releasing a nervous laugh as I tried to back away. James grumbled, his hand sliding from my chin to rest at the base of my neck, the rough palm pressing against my collarbone. I could feel my skin heating up, my face suddenly flushing. "What happened to the shot glasses?"

"We polished off the drinks and chucked 'em. Come on, you want this or not? Open up."

I scoffed but played along, letting him pour a bit of vodka straight into my mouth. James grinned, his gaze fixed on my lips as I swallowed. He swiped away a droplet that had slid down to my chin with his finger.

"Good girl," he teased, a mischievous smile on his lips as he locked eyes with me. "See? Wasn't that hard."

"Shut up, Hetfield," I shot back, giving him a playful shove, my face heating up even more. He huffed, made a face at me, then strolled off toward the drink coolers without a backward glance.

"Hey! That's my vodka!" Lars protested angrily, before trailing after James. "Get back here, damn it, I haven't finished drinking!"

I watched them go, an uneasy feeling creeping into the depths of my chest. Why did it suddenly feel like maybe I shouldn't have shown up? These were my friends, right? So why did everything seem more complicated than it should be?

"They get really happy when you’re here," Kirk observed. I blinked, surprised by his words. He shot me a smile, but his eyes seemed intrigued.

"What do you mean?" I asked, and he shrugged.

"Just that you can tell they really like you."

I ended up talking to Kirk for a few minutes, both of us getting a good laugh watching Lars and James from a distance. Lars was on a mission to reclaim his vodka bottle, while James danced around him with ease. Kirk turned out to be a really cool guy; laid-back and easy to chat with. Eventually, Cliff and Leanne joined us, hauling in a crate of beers that we gladly shared among the four of us.

When the beer stash ran dry, I volunteered to restock. I cruised to the kitchen, where I found James slouched at the table, his head buried in his arms, the vodka bottle now empty and cast aside at his feet.

"Ah, there you are," he mumbled, his voice slurred, and his eyes a bit blurry as he caught sight of me.

"Are you okay?" I questioned, a tad concerned by his condition. He shrugged. "Do you want some water?"

He grumbled, and I interpreted it as a "yes." Scouting around the cabinets, I found a glass and filled it with water. James promptly downed it, grimacing, his eyes blinking and honing in on my face.

"And you? Don't you need a bit of water too?"

"I'm fine," I furrowed my brow, even though I felt a bit lightheaded from the amount of beer I'd drank. "I just came to snag more beer for us. You should join. By the way, where's Lars?"

"In the bathroom," James grumbled, then he hoisted himself up, clutching the back of the chair for balance. I placed a hand on his back, trying to assist. He scowled. "You said you came to get more beer?"

"Yeah, any idea where it is?"

He pointed to the corner of the kitchen, where some cases of beer were stacked near the stove. I grabbed one of the packs, tossing it onto the table. James nabbed one of the beers, popping it open.

"James, maybe you should take a breather," I suggested, and he snorted.

"Why?" he asked, staring at me with a furrowed brow, his blue eyes defiant. "I've been waiting for weeks to see you, and now that you're here, you don't even want to be near me. At least drinking makes it a little more fun for me."

I blinked, my mouth opening in surprise as I tried to process what James had just said. It's not like I was angry, annoyed or avoiding James at all, but the worry about Dave and my parents reappearing in my life made it a bit harder to enjoy myself this time. However, for James to think that had anything to do with him? That wasn't right.

"This has nothing to do with you," I uttered in a low voice. He approached, his brow furrowed, placing the open beer on the table. "I don't want you to think..."

"Think what? That you're done being my friend?" he took another step closer, and I backed up, hitting the cold wall. He rested one hand on the wall, leaning down so his face was at the same level as mine. My heart squeezed seeing the anguish in his eyes. "Since you moved to Los Angeles, we hardly see each other anymore. You not into me anymore?"

"Don't say that," I whispered, my voice trembling, my eyes filling with tears hearing the bitterness in his voice. As complicated as things were, the last thing I wanted was for my friends to think I didn't want to be with them. "James, this isn't fair..."

And then he kissed me. 

Maybe I should have seen it coming. Perhaps I should've picked up on the closeness and tension that had been steadily building between us since the day he first laid eyes on me. All the hugs, the laughter, the comfort, the advice. The way his blue eyes were always locked onto mine. Maybe I should've caught on sooner. It's not like it was some big secret, especially since Dave got the boot from the band. But somehow, I clung to the hope that I was wrong. That the bond between us was stronger than any attraction he might have. That he wouldn't risk doing something that could change it forever. Something irreversible. 

Something like a kiss.

Instead, there he was, his body pinning mine against the wall, his hands cradling my face, his lips moving against mine with a desperate hunger I never thought I'd find in his arms. For a moment, all I could feel was him —his scent, his body, his kiss. But my blissful confusion lasted no more than a few seconds before it was replaced by panic: this wasn't right. This shouldn't be happening. We were friends. I had a boyfriend.

I shoved my hands against his chest, giving him a solid push. He pulled back abruptly, his blue eyes showing a hint of sobriety as he took in my state—my face all red, breath coming quick as my heart raced, and my stomach filled with a million butterflies. For a beat, it was just us, his eyes glued to mine in a mix of confusion and ecstasy, before anger started bubbling up in my chest, ready to explode. I shook my head, in disbelief, and stormed out of the kitchen in a burst of rage that seemed to leave him bewildered.

I sprinted past Cliff, Leanne, and Kirk, barely registering the surprised looks they shot my way as I bolted to the front of the house. I plopped down on the curb, my breath coming quick, almost in a state of panic as I desperately searched my pockets for my pack of cigarettes and lighter. When I finally found them, it was useless; my hands were shaking so much, my breath all over the place as I tried to hold back tears, that I just couldn't light my cigarette.

"Nore? Shit, what happened?" I heard Cliff ask. I looked up to see that he had followed me and was standing beside me, staring at me with a confused expression on his face.

"Cliff..." I began, my voice shaking. He settled beside me, taking my hand in his, gripping it firmly while his eyes scanned my face, genuine concern etched on his features. "Cliff, James..."

"Did you guys have a fight?" he asked, furrowing his brow. I sniffled, shaking my head.

"Cliff, he kissed me," I murmured, suddenly feeling like I was 15 again, talking to Cliff on the phone about some boy from school who had broken my heart. His eyes widened at my words, his incredulous expression slowly being replaced by one of anger.

"And why are you crying like this? Did he force you? I'll beat the crap out of him..." he growled, letting go of my hand and starting to stand up.

"Cliff, no!" I exclaimed, tugging him by the hand. He looked at me, confused. "He didn't force me. It just happened out of nowhere. I just... Cliff, I have Dave. I never thought James..."

"You didn't know he liked you? Nore, that was kind of obvious," he interrupted, and I groaned in frustration.

"It's not that! Cliff, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want him to think... I just wanted to be friends with him. Why do things have to be so complicated?" I asked, my eyes filling with tears again. Cliff stared at me for a moment before sitting back down beside me with a sigh. He pulled me close into a hug, and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"First, let's go back to the party, and I'll get you some water, okay? We can talk to James later if we need to. But knowing him... If you left like that, I doubt he'll want to talk about it."

Cliff was more right than I thought; when we got back to the party, James was nowhere to be found. I tried to cheer up, especially for Leanne and Cliff, but it was useless. I spent the rest of the day worried about James, wondering where he might be, and if I had hurt him beyond repair.

When the party wrapped up, Cliff, Leanne, and I hopped into a taxi to Leanne's house. I had left my motorcycle in Joe's garage and planned to swing by the next day to grab it before heading back to Los Angeles. I tried to perk up as Leanne and Cliff enthusiastically decided what to order for dinner, but not even a hot shower was enough to lift my spirits; I was more intoxicated than I wanted, concerned about my friend, and trying to ignore how the feeling of his lips on mine kept replaying in my head every five minutes, which basically made me want to die.

"You don't need to worry about him. He'll show up," Cliff assured me later, after we had finished off the pizza Lea had ordered for dinner. The news was playing on the TV, and I could hear the water running in the bathroom as Lea took a shower, but I wasn't really paying attention to any of those things. "I mean, he could already be home... I tried calling, but I think Lars and Kirk must have passed out as soon as they got there."

"What am I gonna do, Cliff?" I asked, softly. I was totally lost. Now that all the lines in my friendship with James had blown up in my face, I didn't know what to do — and I didn’t want to deal with any of it. There was already too much on my mind. But I couldn't just pretend it didn't happen, either.

Cliff didn't say anything; in fact, I don't think he knew what to say. Instead, he grabbed my hand and pulled me in for a tight hug. I sighed, shutting my eyes, trying to soak up that brief moment of calm. Wishing it could magically wipe away the ache in my heart — even though I knew it couldn't.

[foxes-that-run]

2020 Haylor Timeline

Timeline Tag, or years 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023 and 2024.

21 January - Andrea treated for brain tumor and chemo

29 January - Harry shoots the watermelon sugar MV in Malibu. The director later says “The production process was fast! We shot in a location in Malibu. It was a private beach at this amazing house. Harry actually owns a watermelon farm in a secret location that we can’t disclose. So the day before the shoot we went with our whole crew, make-up artists, set decorators, focus pullers you name it! We all rolled up our sleeves, got stuck in and did the biggest harvest anyone in the USA has ever seen!”

31 January - Miss Americana documentary released.

2 February - Harry at Glenne Christiaansen's (Jeff's GF) birthday in Los Angeles. Huge whale cake that gets on his face.

3 February - Harry arrives London

14 February - Harry played Two Ghosts on Radio 2, the only time since 2018, anniversary of Style MV release. He also covered Joni Mitchell Big Yellow Taxi.  Taylor also in London for NME awards, Joe goes with her. She says hello to every one there including Matty Healy. Harry is robbed at knifepoint.

18 February - Harry at Brit awards, went to same after party as Kendall

23 February - Harry's Tiny Desk Concert recorded in LA, the Lover CD Is in the background. Taylor was there in October.

24 February - Taylor and Joe in London for his birthday, arrived under umbrellas carrying a dictionary, Ed laughing.

26 February - Harry on today show in colour block cardigan. Xander watches with Jeff rumour he then visited Xander Ritz in phlli.

28 February - Harry's Sirius XM Secret Session for Fine Line. Harry tells a story about wawa with Xander. Seen with Xander in ny

1 March - Harry SNL after party

2 March - Harry's last pre-pandemic show is at the Bowery Ballroom. Replaces the Beachwood cafe with Bowery ballroom in falling.

5 March - When Howard Stern asked Harry about marriage his response was "People’s relationships are different now, everyone’s open 👀 and people have different things."

13 March - US Travel ban (except UK), California Shelter in place orders. 17 March UK Travel ban. 16 March Taylor posts asking fans to cancel plans and stay home, shares photo so Meredith

17 March UK travel ban

18 March - Harry driving in La with Xander

25 March - Announced HSLOT rescheduled to 2021

27 March - Harry releases “at home with Harry styles” pandemic playlist with Zane Lowe. ‘This will be our year’ is #13, 27 songs. Includes blue nile, later mentioned on TTPD

March - June Taylor and Harry stuck in LA for 3 months. Harry told Zane Lowe he was in LA, stayed home for 6 weeks then booked and went to Shangri-la studio to record. LNT, Daylight, keep driving and Sushi. (24 Mins)

2 April - Harry seen riding a motorcycle beside Kendall Jenner and Fai Khadra.

5 April Harry seen in la and again

11 April - Harry drives his mercedes convertible in Beverly Hills same as Taylor had in Begin Again

17 April - 2020 Lover Fest tour postponed to 2021, later cancelled. Told Zane Folklore started then. Joe IG photo of Benjamin

18 April - Taylor soon you'll get better

29 April - Joe instagram photos

19 May Taylor releases City of Lover

21 May - Harry rode electric bike LA

25 May - date Too Much Sauce leak recorded. Still in LA

31 May - Taylor records video in Long Pond about home studio. Joe school thing

22 June - rumours Harry messaging Daisy Lowe.

29 June - Harry seen in London

9 July - Harry Styles Sleep story

18 July - Harry back in uk, drove to Italy and back with Tomo Campbell, he talks about this in the Zane interview. Driving moustache photo in HH CD

Over the summer Styles took a road trip with his artist friend Tomo Campbell through France and Italy, setting off at four in the morning and spending the night in Geneva, where they jumped in the lake “to wake ourselves up.” At the end of the trip Styles drove home alone, accompanied by an upbeat playlist that included “Aretha Franklin, Parliament, and a lot of Stevie Wonder. It was really fun for me,” he says. “I don’t travel like that a lot. I’m usually in such a rush, but there was a stillness to it. I love the feeling of nobody knowing where I am, that kind of escape…and freedom.” Harry for Vogue

20 July folklore announced 17 hours before its release. William Bowery is credited for Exile and Betty. Released on 1D's 10 year anniversary. In the Zane interview, Taylor says they continued working on Evermore.

31 July - Harry with a fan in Italy in an outfit in his later post about making Harry’s House. Also driving a tractor in Italy.

13 August - Harry followed Yan Yan on IG and liked some posts

17 August Harry in Studio in Bath. Recorded Daylight, Sushi, Keep Driving and Late night talking in this period.

3 September - Taylor posts about iHeartAwards from home

? September - Long Pond was recorded with Joe as WB and Tis the Damn Season written, Doretha already written.

6 September - Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudekis at beach in Malibu with Nanny and kids. In the 2022 Nanny tell all the Nanny said they were happy then but Olivia told Harry it had been over for a while when it had not been.

11 September, Olivia Wilde met and cast Harry in Don't worry Darling, filming began October.

16 September - Taylor performed Betty in person at ACM awards in Nashville.

18 September Harry in London

22 September - Harry driving car and boat in Italy filming golden

27 September Harry in LA

6 October - Harry dinner with mystery girl

25 October - OW carrying Bode bag later thought about Harry

26 October - DWD starts filming

28 October - Harry signs a record and a fan posts a letter than his car broke down and he fed their fish. Deux moi said it was a cover because his friend with benefits was house sitting. The friend with benefits is thought to be Nicole branch.

5 November - DWD halts production due to COVID on set. In tell all the Nanny said Olivia moved out down the street 'that is how she left us' because of COVID on set which was true. Jason Sudukis also later says to GQ they broke up in November

11 November - Harry films Valiant Roar scene in DWD, which includes Dita Von Teese who later repeats the Scene in the Bejeweled Music Video. Also described in Rolling Stone article with OW and possibly referred to in loml as valiant roar. Date odly specified in DWD BTS, also dinner party scene, OW wears Harry's pink beanie in the BTS during dinner party scene.

12 November Deux Moi posts that a “one direction heartthrob” and “a list singer” used the same private chef

13 November - Harry on cover of Vogue, after this the Peace ring only appeared occasionally

25 November long pond sessions on Disney + Joe announced as William Bowery

26 November Harry returns to la to film DWD, California maybe written here

3 December - DWD filming palm springs. Fan says they served Harry and OW at Apple Pan

11 December evermore released, taylor’s zane lowe interview, at 49:34 she pauses a lot and struggles to talk about Joe being William Bowery.

19 December Harry jingle ball seems flat

30 December - 7 photos of Joe and Taylor thought to be taken 31 December 2016 hack/leak. Only 7 photos?? She is wearing a pink wig while he shaves. OW wearing necklace she later says was a gift from Harry.

Continue to 2021

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 7

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 16.8k 

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.  

A/N: Happy Friday my lovelies! This is probably one of my favorite chapters and you'll know why by the end of it. Seeing your reactions to this one is gonna be a wonderful birthday gift hahaha, so I'm very excited to see what you think of it!! Enjoy xx

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 |

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

It was the start of the second week of the year and Matt had just arrived in Los Angeles. Ella had picked Breana up early to go and pick him up from the airport, and she had acted like the couple's reunion hadn't made her tear up. She truly loved them both so much, even if they were a multiplied menace together.

The three went to have breakfast, with Julian joining them shortly after they had been seated. It was a cute little bakery that had some of the best pastries and coffee Ella had ever had, she went there so often that she was recognized by the staff.

"So how were the holidays?" Ella let her cup of tea rest on the table softly to give the drummer her whole attention, hoping to hear only wonderful things about the holiday season in his hometown.

Matt just shrugged, knowing it had been good but like usual, "Really good, nothing too interesting. Got to spend time with my mum and dad, the lads..." But he trailed off, remembering his grand discovery. "Well..." He started with bubbling excitement but when he realized Julian was there, and Ella was very much not single, he decided against telling her. It would only bring trouble. "No, yeah, nothing interesting."

Ella chuckled, sarcastically replying, "Don't sound so sure there."

"Sorry, I thought something worth telling had happened but it's nothing." It was something, but he just couldn't say it. It was a bad idea. "Hope you spoiled this one for me during the holidays." Matt was quick to change the subject, hugging his girlfriend into his side.

Ella smirked, "Surely, I did. I'm sure Julian got a bit jealous over how much time I was spending with her rather than with him."

"These two right?" Matt asked jokingly, with a facial expression that screamed 'can you believe them?'

Julian shook his head, "They're unbelievable."

"Don't go complaining much, most of the time we spend together is when we take those pictures you two love so much." Bre fought, raising her finger up in the air and pointing at both the men accusingly.

Matt lifted his hands up, "Right, right."

Ella wanted to taunt the drummer some more so she added, "Don't show him the pictures from the last session we had, make him beg for them."

"Jesus Christ," Matt scoffed playfully, "Does she always have you begging, mate?"

Ella turned her gaze to Julian, scowling at him. "You will not disclose that information."

"I won't," Julian agreed but then he turned to Matt and mouthed, "Sometimes."

Bre smirked and Matt laughed, Ella smacked Julian's hand which was resting on top of her thigh. The two boys were nothing but trouble.

The next seven days had been just like that, pure banter coming from the drummer, mainly targeted at Ella. He just couldn't hold himself back from teasing her, it was funny seeing her glaring at him all annoyed.

Ella had spent most of the days third wheeling for Bre and Matt, but she truly didn't mind. Julian had started the year with full force, work taking him away most of the week but she wouldn't complain, not when he enjoyed what he did so much and he still made sure to text her sweet things and updates about his whereabouts throughout the day. He had promised her to spend the weekends he had free with her and that's exactly what they had done the weekend before the rest of the band was due to arrive.

When Monday morning arrived, she was ecstatic to go back into the rhythm of things at the studio but much more excited to have her friends back. She was determined to start the year well, having fully let go of any grudges she had from her past with Alex and with her mind set on having things be the way they had been before, when they first had met.

She gave them all a tight hug when she had gotten to Rancho de la Luna.

"How's everything been?" Ella asked them all, and they all replied positively with smiles on their faces. They were brief at telling her how the holidays had been but it all sounded so nice, she was happy for them.

She'd smiled back at them and, once inside, they all rolled right back into the groove of things.

About three hours into the time they'd been there, James had gotten sent the final version of a song they'd done in their last week in LA. They had all agreed in wanting to hear it so James plugged his laptop to the audio system and played it.

The drums quickly drowned the room and then joined the bass which made the room vibrate, the guitar soon came after and Ella was already obsessed with the song.

She hadn't been prepared when Alex's sultry voice started singing, but hearing the first word be the name Arabella got her thinking about how this song was a love song for Arielle.

She cooed internally, thinking about how adorable Alex was for that.

When it got to the chorus, she'd gotten excited over hearing their own version of the 'War Pigs' guitar riff. She'd started beaming at the music she was listening to.

She was slightly confused about the first line of the second verse, feeling oddly personally addressed but it just had to be her brain trying to make shit about herself. She even ignored the fact that the chorus lyrics reminded her of when they were driving down San Diego's coast on the way to that restaurant they visited after Belmont Park.

But when the bridge started and it brought back those memories with each line, she couldn't help her smile faltering, falling down until it completely disappeared. She couldn't believe what she had just heard, her thoughts too scattered to even gush over the stunning guitar solo that was bouncing off the walls by the end.

Ella only snapped back to reality when the last chord of the guitar died inside the room and the lads started eagerly talking about the song and how it had ended up sounding. She was too stunned to speak, having trouble letting the words roll off her tongue when Jamie asked her if she'd liked it.

Forcing herself to smile, Ella nodded, "Oh, yeah, you absolutely killed that Black Sabbath guitar riff." Her gaze was swimming around the room but trying her hardest to keep it from falling on Alex's. "What's the name of this one?" She asked just to make sure.

"Arabella." Jamie replied with a soft grin and she could only nod.

She was so confused, her steps slow as she went back to the settee and focused again on replying to emails but as the minutes passed and the letters on the screen turned into one single blob of unreadable imagery, she decided she needed a breather.

She grabbed her cigarettes and lighter and exited the place. Her shaky legs were barely able to carry her up to where her bike was parked. She plopped down on it, sighing with her head still scrambled. What the fuck? The whiplash she'd gotten from that song was enough to make her want to take the day off.

So much for wanting things to go back to normal.

She sat there, with the sun keeping her warm despite the chilly winds of January, smoking until she felt better. It was on her third cigarette that she had tried to turn the situation around in her head—Maybe he just wrote it a long while ago, she convinced herself and the more she said it, the more it became more factual.

She nodded as she threw the dying bud and stepped on it—It will be the only one about me, he's happy and in love with Arielle.

That's the one thought she kept on loop as she walked back in, going to the kitchen and pouring herself a shot of the studio's brand of tequila. She fucking needed it.

Ella was startled when she left the shot glass with a thud on the kitchen counter and Matt had seen her swallow the gulp of alcohol, "Oi!" He'd exclaimed, "We starting the party early today?" The clock showed a pitiful 12:23pm which made her sigh heavily—it was gonna be such a long day for her.

"Be my guest." Her voice didn't sound inviting at all as she poured a shot for her friend.

Matt frowned at her, "Well if you're gonna be the one starting the party, you should come alive a bit. Damn."

"Piss off." She muttered, no energy left at all to deal with Matt's teasing.

He snorted, "You hated the song that much?"

She shook her head, "No. It was... it was good, just–" She started, but she had to bite her tongue not to spill it out to Matt. "When did you record that one? After I was gone?"

He downed the alcohol without much of a reaction to the taste, "Yeah, we made it pretty quickly actually. I think it might be one of the best and fastest songs we've done for this record so far."

Ella hummed, not knowing what to do with that information. She just turned to the sink to wash the glass and then followed Matt back to the recording room.

When she'd walked through the door, it was like no one had realized how much the song had affected her. Alex was sitting in a chair with a guitar in his hand, next to James and Nick who were also in their own chairs but in front of the massive mixing console.

Their backs were facing her, and she was grateful for that—she was sure her every thought was written all over her face.

She knew she wasn't brave enough to ask Alex about it, to confront him or get any reasoning from him, so she just decided to ignore the whole situation. She had wanted the whole recording period to go smoothly and drama free, but she now knew there was never gonna be a dull moment as long as she was around the band.

Taking a deep breath she reminded herself of her plan of action, just ignore it. And just like that she forced herself to resume sorting through emails, hearing Alex mumbling along a melody he was playing on the guitar.

Isn't it hard to make up your mind

When you're losing and your fuse is fireside?

She heard them celebrate at the sudden composition of the lines, encouraging Alex to go over it again and see if he could come up with anything else. His brain was going a thousand miles per hour, trying to find the perfect words to rhyme for the first part of the verse he was coming up with.

After a few tries he knew which configuration of lines he'd liked better, settling for:

I'm not sure if I should show you what I've found

Has it gone for good, or is it coming back around?

Isn't it hard to make up your mind

When you're losing and your fuse is fireside?

James nodded eagerly, "That's it. That's it mate." he patted Alex's shoulder proudly, "Sounds like a good chorus actually, we can make it one."

Alex and Nick nodded, having worked with James so many times before meant that the band trusted him fully to take out the full potential of whatever they'd come up with.

That's how that day, Ella had gotten back home humming the melody of the song. She dropped her bag on her sofa and ran to her room to call Breana.

She'd told her all about it, trying her hardest not to mess up the order of the lyrics she could remember and asked the model if she was overreacting, to which Bre firmly said no, agreeing that it was something she'd freak out over too.

Breana had helped her settle adding, "He's a musician though, honey, they all do that. Don't be surprised if there's another one there about you."

Ella groaned, "I rather not. I hope Arielle doesn't even notice about this one." She stayed quiet for a few seconds before she whined in dismay, "Why did he have to go and record a song about me when he has a fucking girlfriend?!"

Breana giggled on the other side, "'Cause he's a man, babe."

Ella sighed, "Fucks sake."

"He could've been more discreet though, don't you think?" Bre added, amused. "He literally has your name in the title of it."

Ella whined like she was in pain, "Why are you making it worse?"

A hard laugh was what she got as a response, "And there's also some of Arielle's name there but that's purely to fool everyone."

Ella rubbed her temples, tired. "I just hope they scrap it from the final record, they told me they had recorded some more songs in London back then along with 'R U Mine?' and 'Electricity' so I'm crossing my fingers they do the same for this one."

"Hopefully, yeah." Her best friend agreed, "Just, don't lose your mind about this okay? If there's any trouble with his girlfriend, it's all his fault."

"I will try my hardest. The worst part is that the song is good..." She was truly in dismay but then she heard the muffled sound of Breana's doorbell through the phone and she laughed, knowing exactly who that was meant to be, "Right, have a fun night hun."

Bre giggled, the sound filled with joy, "I will. Love you! Bye!"

"Love you too, bye!"

The line died, and Ella sighed. What had she done in her past life to deserve this? She was so stressed about the whole thing, she was close to start pulling her hair out.

But then her phone rang and when she saw it was her boyfriend, she felt like she could escape the situation for a bit. Hearing Julian's voice was a breath of fresh air, and him telling her he was coming over was like everything had lifted off her shoulders.

What would she do without him?

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Julian having four days free to spend with Ella was the cure to it all. The next few days at the studio had gone by like a breeze when she knew she would be coming back home to him.

But the day she'd come back home from the studio to kiss him goodbye, since he was leaving for a week to work in San Francisco, it had all gone to shit.

Every bit of calmness that Julian had given her after the 'Arabella' situation was thrown out the window when none other than Arielle called her in despair.

"Hi Arielle! How are you?" Ella had asked her in a chipper tone but her whole face fell when she heard the model sniffling on the other side of the call.

"Hi Ellie, not that well to be completely honest."

Ella was completely confused, she wasn't close enough to Arielle to receive a phone call from her during a low moment but that didn't mean she wasn't going to be kind to her and help in any way if she could. "I'm so sorry, is everything okay? Anything I can do for you?"

"I was wondering if you knew anything–" Arielle started but her voice broke and Ella's heart hurt for her, "I saw you were with the guys at the studio already," She remembered the picture she'd posted the day before of the lads just doing their thing, scattered around in the studio.

Ella had no idea what this all was about but what she didn't expect was the model suddenly asking, "How's Alex?"

Her frown got impossibly deeper after that, "Alex? What do you–"

"We broke up." Arielle was quick to say like the words were burning her tongue, "Well, he broke up with me."

Ella pouted to herself, feeling a wave of sadness for the model but the confusion was still very much there because Alex seemed so okay at the studio. "I'm so sorry to hear that, Arielle. I had no idea. I don't think anyone knows... No one mentioned a thing at the studio."

Arielle covered a sob with her hand, heart breaking a bit more at seeing that apparently he hadn't told a single person about it, Matt had texted her earlier asking her if she was joining them anytime soon and that had been a cruel reminder of what had happened, hence why she had decided to call Ella.

"Right." She replied defeated, "I had hoped he'd told you about it, just so I could get some answers."

"What do you mean?" Ella's confusion grew every time Arielle said something else.

"It's just– He broke up with me out of nowhere, Ella." The model took a deep shaky breath and continued, "Can I tell you something in confidence? It's gonna be TMI but I–"

Ella nodded despite knowing Arielle couldn't see her, "'Course you can, it's okay."

But Ella wasn't prepared for what she would get in return, "I'm so sorry, this is so TMI but I'm just baffled," She started again as if she was giving Ella the chance to take it back but at the silence, she sighed, "The night before, Ella, I swear we had the best sex we'd had in months. He fucked me dumb, telling me how gorgeous I was over and over. He called me darling! He's never used that for me before, I–. Fuck, I'm just going crazy trying to understand this."

Ella was shocked. Not only to have to be hearing this but she truly wouldn't have suspected a thing from Alex's behavior—and she was sure the lads didn't know either because only a few days ago Jamie had made a joke and teased him about the singer's girlfriend to which Alex only had replied with a short chuckle.

She decided to ignore the details Arielle had given her, which weren't many but the fact that Alex had called Arielle darling for the first time in that moment had Ella shifting in her place uncomfortably.

"Arielle, I'm so sorry. I genuinely had no idea, he seemed so normal." She sighed, biting on her thumb. "Jamie mentioned you a few days ago, to tease him and he didn't say a thing. He just laughed and kept doing whatever he was doing."

"It's okay Ellie, I guess I will always wonder what happened..." The model sounded so defeated but she continued telling Ella what had happened that last day, "The next morning he made me breakfast and everything, and in the middle of it he just said he couldn't keep our relationship going. Just like that." A curt chuckle came from Arielle, "He almost said that 'it's not you, it's me' bullshit."

Ella winced, "Oh fuck that..."

Arielle could only hum in agreement and then remembered her poor timing, "Sorry Ella, I probably just interrupted something."

"No, no. Was about to go to bed. Don't you worry Ari, truly." Ella consoled her, "We could go out this weekend? To drink and dance it all away? Julian just left for work and I'll be alone for a week, I'm sure Bre will be down for a girls night." Yes, Alex was her friend but Arielle was one as well so Ella wasn't choosing any sides and if there was anything she could do to help Arielle feel better then she'd do it.

Arielle smiled, silent tears rolling down her cheeks at Ella's kindness. "I would yeah, just send me a text and I'll go wherever."

"Sure. Now go dry those tears hun, he doesn't deserve them."

Arielle giggled, wiping her cheeks. "Thank you, Ellie. Have a goodnight."

"You too Arielle, can't wait to hug you soon. Goodnight."

Fucking hell.

Ella had no idea what the fuck had just happened but she'd decide to ignore it for as long as she could. She needed to relax.

So she rolled a joint, and started smoking out in her backyard. In between puffs, she decided to call Breana and quickly tell her everything, also make sure she was in on going out with Arielle two days from then.

Needless to say, retelling everything had left her even more confused and she ignored the silence on Breana's side when she mentioned his use of the pet name for Arielle. In the back of her mind, Ella knew just what her best friend was thinking but she didn't want to give that another thought.

The next day, Ella had been extra observant, her eyes on Alex at all times and by the end of the day, she was fully intrigued.

She'd bitten her tongue all day, waiting for the perfect moment to bring it up but when they were all leaving and she hadn't had a chance to talk to him alone, she basically baited him into staying a bit longer before they left.

Ella asked him for a cigarette, knowing damn well that would make him stay to have one with her. Two minutes had passed of them smoking as they watched the sun die on the horizon, when she gained the courage to ask.

"How's Arielle? Haven't seen her in a while." In her mind it made more sense to go straight to the point, like ripping a bandaid.

What she hadn't expected is for him to hide behind an inquiry of his own, "How's Julian?"

She chuckled quietly to herself, someone's defensive. "He went to San Francisco yesterday night, he's doing a weeklong shoot over there for some city event." And then she turned to him with an eyebrow raised, challenging him to respond to her question.

Alex barely looked at her then, he was afraid that if he told Ella about his new relationship status while looking her in the eye he might beg with them for her to have him.

"We broke up." His statement was simple, not heartfelt at all—it sounded more like he said it fast to get it over and done with.

"Oh," She muttered, trying to contort her face in the best way so he didn't notice she already knew.

But Alex didn't even turn to look at her, he kept his gaze straight ahead of him and took a long drag of his cigarette.

"I'm sorry." She added, hating the suffocating silence.

The singer only shrugged though, "It's okay, just wasn't right anymore."

Her hum was low and quiet, Ella had no idea what to say. "Are you okay?"

He offered her a half smile, "Yeah, why?"

"I don't know, you just seem so normal. Do the guys know?"

"No, don't tell them." Alex silently begged her, "Matt's gonna try and set me up with someone, or worse he's gonna force me to go out on the pull– I can't be arsed."

Ella giggled, fully convinced Matt would. She offered her pinky finger, and Alex locked it with his—the 'death ramps' ring on her skin once again. "Promise."

When she was done with her cigarette, she discarded it on the ground. They hugged each other goodbye and he watched her as she left on her bike.

He shook his head, now that she knew he had no idea what to do with himself. Especially not when he still felt her pinky finger intertwined with his and his skin craved her at all times.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Alex had seen Arielle's post that weekend, the three girls with tequila shots in hand and flipping the camera off.

He had no idea how that had happened, if it had been something planned before he'd told Ella about the breakup or if Ella had called Arielle and taken her out because of it. But he didn't care much, as long as they'd had fun then it would be fine by him—he thought it was kind of Ella and Bre to take Arielle out to distract her after everything.

Ella knew Alex had seen it, the look on his face was enough to know but she was glad to see he seemed completely fine about it. Maybe even happy, as the singer asked her subtly if she'd had fun, she nodded with a smile and added "Trying to power through the hangover though."

That day had been quite calm, the lads had focused on giving a few modifications to some of the songs they had been making and putting on a queue to finish later. Of course Ella was recording the whole process, she'd left the camera on the end of the table they were all sitting by so the angle had the camera catching perfectly what they were all doing.

They had gone back to 'Fireside', trying to make the verses work with the melody they'd been creating and she had been watching it all unfold from her usual place on the settee so she managed to catch Matt instantly when he went to disturb the footage she was getting.

"Oi! Matthew!" She called out after the drummer had stuck his face right in front of the lenses of the recording device, "Stop fucking with the footage."

Jamie had cackled loudly as he turned to point at Ella, "You've just said 'oi', you're officially spending too much time with us."

"Only because I'm getting paid for it." Ella joked with a straight face.

"Same here." added James, making Alex laugh beside him.

His chuckles were contagious, making the rest of the room erupt in laughter. Ella loved moments like these, it was just pure bliss for everyone around.

The hours were going by and the guys had reached the point where they had exhausted their brains too much over finding the perfect placements for the verses in the song, so they moved on to talking about random shit.

Ella had gotten a call from Julian in the middle of Matt telling his childhood antics and how he'd fake being ill to skip school, so she excused herself to go outside. It hadn't been a long call, just about ten minutes since it was all her boyfriend had gotten of free time while working.

When she'd gone back to the room, it was all a frenzy. They were arguing so loud, she grimaced at the change of volume compared to the crickets softly building up a choir outside as the night fell.

"What is going on?" She couldn't even make up what it was that they were talking about.

"Ella, how many instruments can you play?" Nick asked quickly.

The question was so sudden, she automatically let out a confused, "Huh?"

The bassist sighed, he wanted to prove a point, "How many instruments can you play?"

"None," She blushed as it was embarrassing to admit in a room full of musicians.

Matt turned fast to the bassist, "See! Told you."

Nick shook his head, "No, c'mon, you gotta at least know one. Even if it's simple."

The PA stayed quiet under their attentive stares, thinking about how she'd only really played one instrument consistently at a point in her life. "Xylophone." She mumbled to herself, somehow that was even more embarrassing to her than saying she didn't know how to play a single instrument.

"What?" Jamie asked since he was the closest to her and not even him had been able to hear correctly.

She raised her volume enough for them to hear her, "The damn xylophone."

Matt had laughed out loud, whereas the rest of the band had smiled amused at her. She rolled her eyes at their reactions, the only one she liked at the moment was James who was smiling at her understanding how annoying they could be.

Nick turned back to Matt and brought their argument back up, "See! At least one."

Matt refused to accept his defeat, "Not agreeing with you until she plays it. She can say she knows but she might not."

Ella sighed exasperated, "Why would I lie dumbass? That'd be even worse. If you find me a glockenspiel then I'll play it for you, dick."

Matt stood up and went to find the percussion instrument not before telling her, "You're on it." as he walked past her.

Five minutes later, she was sitting in front of a coffee table where the thirty note glockenspiel rested. She had two little wooden mallets, one on each hand, and she started getting nervous under the gaze of all the boys.

"I feel like I'm back on fucking eight grade about to perform for father's day, Jesus Christ."

Matt was ready to take the piss out of her so he encouraged her, "Go on then."

She'd rolled her eyes before thinking back to her last few years in middle school and how she'd been assigned band as extracurriculars. She'd chosen the xylophone because she really hadn't want much of a challenge, it was enough that she'd had to be in band to start with.

So Ella hit the first note and after that E note reached her ears, it was like memory had completely taken over. She played 'Für Elise' smoothly and when she was done she flipped Matt off, "Whatever it was, Nick won."

The drummer waved her off like one waves an annoying mosquito, "But everyone knows how to play that song in whichever instrument they know."

She didn't say anything back to him, just grabbed the mallets back up and with a C note she started playing 'Fly Me to the Moon' by Sinatra. Right after she'd finished with the chorus of it, she started playing 'Take On Me' by A-ha and just to shut him up she finished her repertoire with 'Bohemian Rhapsody' by Queen.

Ella remembered the endless days she'd practice that last song until she got it to perfection, her middle school self was really hard on herself—she still remained the same in that aspect.

Everyone but Matt started clapping making Ella blush, "Thank you, thank you." She took a small bow, "I cannot believe I still remember how to play those songs, haven't played since I started high school."

"Well she can actually play an instrument, so your argument is fucked Matt." Concluded Nick with a victorious smirk on his face.

The drummer rolled his eyes and proceeded to stand up, "Whatever, Ella might be able to but I stand my ground."

She was confused but, honestly, she didn't want to bring the whole thing back up so she decided to just stay with the curiosity. "Where'd you get this? So I can put it away." She asked Matt but before he could answer, Alex interrupted.

"Actually, can you help me?"

Ella set the mallets back on the table, "With what?"

"I feel like we should try and make a soft song," He looked for words to describe what he wanted to do, "Like a lullaby of sorts."

Ella slowly nodded, not so sure if she'd be much help but agreeing nonetheless, "Sure, yeah. Just... I never really composed anything so I'm gonna be hitting notes like a dickhead for a while until I manage to find a melody that sounds right."

Alex shrugged, "That's fine. Would you like to go to another room so you can do it in peace?" He subtly nodded towards Matt and Ella chuckled.

"Yes, please."

A few minutes later, Ella and Alex were settled in the keyboard room. She set the glockenspiel on the small table she was sitting in front of and Alex sat beside her with a Gibson J-45 on his lap.

She had no idea what to do first so she laughed embarrassed, hiding her face in her hands. "Alex what do I do?" Her giggles kept going as she felt her cheeks grow hot.

He laughed with her and started playing random chords to distract her, "Whatever you'd like, just go at it and when you play something you like try to write down the notes so you don't forget."

His journal was open then, in front of her with the pen he always used to write resting in the crease of the middle of the open book. The pages were blank and intimidating, she was so nervous for some reason and she didn't want to disappoint him so the pressure was even greater.

But after an hour, Ella found that making music with Alex was truly an easy smooth ride. He'd played different melodies, sometimes along with the random notes she was playing and when they'd fallen on a pattern that sounded beautiful, she gasped.

"No fucking way." She was truly blown away by the fact that she had been able to help in the making of something that sounded actually pretty.

He smiled proudly at her, "That was stunning. You remember the notes?"

She nodded eagerly, grabbing the pen with her right hand to start writing it down as she played it with her left hand slowly.

It was a tiny part, but it was a start and Alex seemed to really like it. Soon, Alex was playing away on the guitar like a door had been opened and the inspiration had just flooded out.

Alex raised his eyebrows expectantly when he was done with all he was coming up with, "That sound good?"

"Beautiful." She confirmed with a beaming grin on her face.

They went over it again and again, Ella timidly adding a few notes here and there which he always smiled and nodded to. She had a good sense of timing where to put them.

Ella listened to him attentively as he played the chorus again, "I think the bass coming on after the second chorus would lift it all up, maybe everyone could come in after it."

He had a thought, "Change it all, maybe to start a bridge..."

Ella nodded excitedly, that sounded great.

They went over it again, he was racking his brain trying to find anything that he wanted to sing about to such a slow-tempo song.

She'd seen times before how he mumbled as he played, trying to find the perfect words that fit the song, and how like that, slowly, the lines came to life.

On this occasion it wasn't different, the chorus being played by him over and over again as he formed sentences. He seemed to have settled for 'Mad sounds, in your ear. Make you get up and dance' and it sounded beautiful.

"What is it about?" She asked as he wrote the lyric in the journal, his handwriting contrasting against hers on the bottom of the page.

"Dunno yet." He stared at the words he'd just written, what did he want to write about?

"Sounds like the start of an ode to music."

His eyes went over the words again, seeing it in that light made sense. Maybe he'd try and make it go in that direction. "You're right, it does."

Ella smiled once again, feeling very much overjoyed at the new experience she'd just gone through. She was sad about the fact that she hadn't caught at least something on camera, having left it in the other room after the battery died earlier.

When they went back to where the rest of the band and James were, sipping on beer bottles as they chatted, her cheeks hurt from smiling. They showed them all what they'd come up with and Alex made sure they heard Ella's idea.

Matt had stood up and crushed Ella in a hug, "That sounds fucking lovely, welcome to the band Ellie." Her giggles filled the room as Matt squeezed her tighter and she tried to get away from him.

"Thanks but I'll leave that to y'all, I'm not a rockstar." Matt let go of her, and ruffled her hair just to annoy her. She shrieked as her hair came all over her face, she poked him in the ribs making him yelp so loud, it got a chesty laugh out of her.

Alex couldn't wipe the smile out of his face, nothing would. Not only had he gotten Ella to be part of this experience but she had enjoyed it, and seeing her genuinely happy was all he wanted. He'd have to get used to not having her with him in the way he wanted, as long as he had her as a friend then that'd have to be enough.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The days had gone by fast—between songs getting written on and wiped off the whiteboard they had on the room now, demos getting sent and returned, Ross Orton joining James Ford in the production of some of the songs, days they'd stayed well past the time they had planned, spending weekends at different places of the city. The year was going incredibly well so far.

One afternoon of the very last week of January, they had found themselves rather bored and stuck. They had gone to a pub the night before and they'd been absolutely plastered before it was even two in the morning.

Ella vaguely remembered holding Breana's hair back as she heaved in the pub's bathroom from her attempt at taking consecutive shots of tequila.

So they were all wearing sunglasses indoors, the curtains were closed—but it wasn't doing much because they were pretty much see-through—, sitting in the worst positions on the settees.

"Shouldn't we have just taken the day off?" Jamie wondered with a groan, he had drank just enough but having to basically carry Nick out of the pub to the cab and out of the cab and to the hotel was what had exhausted him completely. "Not even James, nor Ross are coming today."

"It was already booked for us, mate." Replied Alex, his head thrown back and resting on the back of the settee.

Ella grimaced as she sat back straighter and reached for her bag, she smiled seeing the ziplock bag she'd brought with her. She didn't even know why she'd thought it would be the best idea to bring them to the studio but if there was a possibility of nursing their hangovers then she'd take it.

"Would these help?" She lifted the plastic bag in the air, it said 'sandwich bag' and it made her chuckle because inside there could be seen five thick spliffs waiting to be smoked.

No one really cared to see what it was. Ten in the morning was too early for them to want to be there, but when she moved the bag around in the air and opened it, the smell of weed hit them so suddenly that they instantly perked up.

Alex straightened up beside her, taking his sunglasses off and squinting to adjust to the light coming from outside. "What the fuck?"

Nick cleared his throat, "Didn't know you smoked."

"Don't be too surprised." She shrugged, getting her lighter and resting the ziplock bag on her lap, "University parties get you started quite easily..." She trailed off trying to figure out how it would work out, "Should we just pass it around or do each of you want your own?"

"Let's pass it around, so we can smoke for longer." Jamie said logically, he'd rather smoke slowly and throughout the day than finish the weed in fifteen minutes and then have to endure the day being sleepy and still hungover.

Ella lit up the first one, taking a long drag of it and relishing in the familiar feeling of the smoke in her throat. She let the smoke out and passed the spliff to Alex, who mirrored her actions.

By the time the second spliff was done, they were chatting about stupid things. They'd gotten hungry and seeing that it was past noon, they all settled in ordering McDonald's—there had been an overall consensus on how it was the best food to have while high.

They had basically smoked the whole day and when they had smoked the last two, consecutively, it was already nighttime. They were all outside stargazing, the blue of the night so piercing that the spheres of plasma contrasted brightly against it and let their presence known to anyone who could catch it.

For some reason she had started going on and on about everything she knew about galaxies, space and celestial objects. Surprisingly, the lads encouraged her to keep going which ended up in all of them agreeing on how, as kids, they thought that by 2013 they'd be driving flying cars and being able to buy lightsabers at the shops—even admitting that they'd thought time traveling would've been a thing already.

That's how they had ended up back in the recording room, completely determined on how they had to make a song about it all. She'd sat beside Alex, reading the things they'd all come up with and nodding like it was the best line ever written. Jamie was playing the guitar and Nick his bass, Matt patting his thighs as he analyzed what his friends were composing.

She wasn't sure what had happened afterwards as she woke up and found herself sleeping on the biggest settee of their usual recording room. Alex was sleeping on the one adjacent and Matt was snoring away on the floor, with a cushion under his head.

Her groan made the two men stir in their slumber. She grabbed her phone that was thrown in a corner of the room and saw that it was five in the morning. Her back was killing her, why the fuck hadn't we just taken a cab home? she wondered as she walked out to the bathroom.

From afar she saw Jamie sleeping peacefully on the settee in the keyboards room and Nick sleeping on the one by the kitchen.

She was grateful she had been way too hungover to actually do her makeup the day before so the smudge of her mascara was very minimal and she got rid of it easily by washing her face.

Once she was done, she went to the kitchen to make some coffee for everyone. She was drinking a glass of water when Nick's voice startled her.

"Good morning, why the fuck did we sleep here?" Since he'd just woken up, his voice was so much deeper than usual and it actually surprised her.

"I have no idea, I don't even remember at what time we fell asleep."

Nick sighed, rubbing his eyes and stood up slowly. "What time is it?"

"Like five twenty" She cringed, it was still dark out but the birds could be heard singing softly.

The bassist cussed and left to use the toilet. She poured herself and Nick a cup of coffee, it was piping hot as it had just been made in the coffee maker the studio had.

It took about half an hour for everyone to wake up, Matt being the last and the one who complained the most.

"Why would yous let me sleep on the fucking floor?" He said through his teeth, making an appearance in the kitchen.

Jamie scoffed, "I tried to get you on one of the settees but you ran back to the main room saying you had to add something to the song."

Ella remembered then that they had all made a song, "Oh my god... We made a song, didn't we?" They all nodded, sipping on their coffees. "Fuck, I don't even know if I wanna listen to it."

But as soon as they finished with their drinks and they had washed and dried it all, they went to the recording room to hear the demo. The bass was prominent in it, and the guitars complimented it perfectly. Alex's voice was slurred and it made them all laugh, but they quieted down at the guitar solo by the end of the recording.

"The guitars are fucking sick in this one." Ella said in appreciation, she was not expecting something actually that good when they had all been in the worst state.

Nick agreed, looping it back to hear the guitar solo once more. "Has b-side potential, to be fair."

They played it once more, hearing the lyrics more closely this time.

It's two thousand and thirteen all across the galaxy

It's two thousand and thirteen

So, baby, take a walk with me

Past flying cars and time machines

There's magic like you won't believe

Ella let the song reach its end to comment, "We are aware that the galaxy is far older, right? Like..." She paused to clear her dry throat, "It was only Jesus who was supposedly born two thousand and thirteen years ago, not the galaxy..."

Matt let out a loud sigh, "Ellie, we're not high anymore so stop nerding out."

"That's just common knowledge–" She argued.

"Ella." He replied sternly.

"Matthew J Helders the third," She said back in the same tone. "Shut. Up."

"Yes Matt, fuck off." Nick sided with Ella and Jamie repeated the same phrase to support the motion.

The drummer scoffed, "Why am I being bullied right now?"

"Because you deserve it." Alex replied this time.

Matt frowned, "I do not."

"I still remember you slandering Bre's favorite Fleetwood Mac record so if you want to keep your stunning girlfriend then shut up."

That had been the only reason why Matt stood quiet for a good ten seconds, and then he told her. "I can't stand you."

Ella gave him a cynical smile, "The feeling is mutual."

Jamie cackled at them, "You two are like fucking siblings arguing, I swear."

Before they could continue bickering though, they heard the front door being opened and closed and by the time they went out to see who it was, they were greeted by the sight of David coming in.

"Good morning everyone," Dave greeted with a smile on his face. "Was coming to check on you, how are you feeling? Slept well?"

Alex nodded, "Yeah mate, thanks very much."

"I tried to get you all a ride home but you all agreed on staying so..." The bearded man added and they all nodded.

"Thank you for letting us stay, man." Matt patted his back in gratitude. "We're just gonna go pick everything up and then we'll leave."

They didn't have the studio booked for the next few days so they gathered all of their stuff up and tidied the rest of the things they had used. They left the place as the sun rose up, Ella waved them off as she took the opposite direction to where they were going. Alex saw the sun hitting the little mirrorball hanging from her rearview mirror, making the light reflect all over the inside of her car.

"Love you guys! Bye!" She yelled out her rolled down window, disappearing into the highway.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Things had been going normal. After those three days they'd had in a sense of a small break, they had gone back to the studio with fresh ideas and the energy buzzed in the room whenever they were all together.

Ella had been more and more invested in the whole process, sometimes asking each of the guys what different things did or how they managed to get an instrument to sound the way it did in their demos. James had gotten used to having Ella beside him in the days Ross wasn't at the studio.

She was usually there first, smoking away as she waited for them, greeting whoever arrived first with a lovely smile and her arms open and ready for a hug.

That's why at the start of the second week of February, Alex had been incredibly confused at not seeing her already there when he got to Rancho de la Luna at eight in the morning.

He greeted David, asking him if Ella was already inside and when he shook his head, the singer's confusion grew. Maybe she'll be late today, he'd told himself so he didn't worry but just in case, he'd left her a text.

(11/02/2013 08:13) Hi Ellie, good morning. Around what time are you coming today? Was surprised to not see you when I got here xx

Slowly, everyone started coming in and when James got to the studio at around ten in the morning, that's when Alex started worrying even more. They hadn't seen her as she usually didn't go to the studio on the weekends like them, where is she? She wasn't one to just miss a work day or be late and not say anything.

Around noon, Matt had gotten a call from Breana—who was currently out in New York for a modeling gig—and Alex would've teased him about how they truly couldn't live without the other if it wasn't for Matt's worried facial expression.

The call was rather quick and all of his replies were meek, it was strange for him to talk like that with Bre so he started to wonder if they had fought or something, but then Matt had told her "Alright, I love you" with a loopy grin on his face before he hung up that had Alex discarding the thought.

Everyone was looking at him expectantly because the call seemed to have had a negative effect on his mood and they wanted to know if everything was alright.

Matt sighed, "Ellie's not gonna make it today, maybe not even the rest of the week." Alex's heart sank at the thought of something having happened to her that could keep her from going to the studio. "She's not feeling very well apparently."

Alex felt his whole body grow cold and it was an instant reaction for him to pick up his phone and leave the room to call her.

He dialed her number over and over for about ten times but none were answered, so he went back to texting her in hopes that it was just that she was ill and had fallen asleep.

(11/02/2013 12:06) Ellie, is everything okay? Bre's just called saying you weren't feeling good and that you'll be missing the next few days here. Just let me know when you see this that you're fine xx

(11/02/2013 12:07) Did you catch a cold? I'll come over with some soup for you, I promise I make the best chicken noodle soup (either it is good or my mum lied) xx

(11/02/2013 12:08) You're probably asleep and I'm being an absolute knob making your phone ring over and over. I'll stop now but just let me know what's going on. Sending you loads of hugs xxxx

The more Alex stared at the clock, the slower time went by. He was too distracted to care about what was going on in the recording room, everyone having to bring him back to reality every five minutes.

By the time it was one thirty in the afternoon, he hadn't been able to take it any longer so he excused himself and ran outside to call Breana. He didn't even care if he'd be interrupting her photoshoot by calling her over and over, he had to know if Ella was okay.

When he rang her for the fifth time, he got his call answered. "Jesus Christ, Alex, is everything alright?"

He was so relieved the model finally picked up, "Yes. Everything's good. Just... Ella. What happened to Ella? Is she okay?"

Breana felt silent, only the shutter of the camera and the clicking of heels on the floor was heard for a few seconds, "Erm, yes. She's just not feeling well."

"Did she get ill? I've been trying to call her and she won't answer." His voice was laced with worry and that wasn't missed by Bre.

Silence again, "Yes..." Bre replied but it sounded like a question and that's when Alex knew she was full of shit.

"Bre, what happened? Is she okay?" His voice got firmer, he didn't understand why she'd be keeping quiet about anything happening to her best friend.

She sighed, "Alex, she's not feeling well and that's all that I can tell you. I promised her I wouldn't say anything else."

"So something did happen," The singer insisted, "Bre, at least let me know her address so I can go check up on her."

"Alex–" The model started in protest but he was quick to interrupt her.

"Bre, you're far away and not coming back until next week. At least let me be the one to check up on her. I just wanna know if she's okay." He heard her sigh and when the line stood silent he continued, "I don't care if she's just ill and you probably think I'm overreacting, I'd rather do that and find out she's okay than brush it off and find out afterwards that something worst has happened and she's been alone."

"Fucking hell, Alex," Breana cursed, giving into his point. "I'll send you it in a text, but just... let me know how she's doing when you get there okay? And hug her tightly for me, please."

He felt like he could finally breathe, "'Course. Cheers, Bre."

It was only seconds after hanging up that Breana sent him Ella's address through text. His hands were sweaty as he went back inside and told the lads he'd be leaving for the day. He didn't even give them time to ask why, because he was out the door as soon as he'd finished his sentence.

Ella's home was only an hour away from the studio but traffic had held him back forty minutes, he'd been fidgeting in his seat all the way to her medium sized one floor house which was painted a gorgeous light green color.

Alex was quick to park his rental-car on her driveway which only had her car present, he figured she had her bike inside her garage. Without missing a beat, he got out of the car and with long fast strides reached her white door and knocked on it.

A long minute went by and no one was opening the door, he knocked harder and rang the doorbell before knocking furiously again. He heard shuffling behind the door and he was relieved but when the door opened, he felt every bit of worry fall over him like a ton of bricks.

Ella was still in her pajamas—a big gray shirt almost covering her red flannel shorts—, her eyes were puffy and just as red as her nose, her hair was a mess in tangles on a bun atop of her head and she had a glass half full on her right hand.

The last person she'd expected was the singer to be standing outside her door, "Alex, what are you doing here?" She was so tired of everything, she just wanted to be alone and wallowing in self pity not having to worry about how she looked and how she was dealing with the shit show that had just unfolded in her life.

"Hey Ellie," His voice was so soft, she was surprised at how just hearing him had felt like a hug. "Are you okay?" He asked, very much worried but not really knowing what to do.

"How did you even find my address? Did Ben or Aaron give you it, I'll kill them." She ranted, on the brink of exploding in anger. Her emotions were a mess, she was a mess, she had no idea what the fuck to do anymore. Nothing made sense to her anymore.

"No, no, I had to beg Bre for it, but what's wrong?" He wanted to know why she looked so broken or, if anything, he just wanted to comfort her. "What are you even drinking?" He took a step towards her and into her house and she stepped back but with the sigh she'd let out, the alcohol in her breath hit him. "Ellie, it's only three in the afternoon."

She laughed, without a hint of humor, "Alex, I truly rather be drunk right now. I do not fucking care what time it is."

He shook his head, watching her leave so he closed the door behind him and followed her steps. "No, absolutely not." He stated and tried to get the glass from her.

"Yes Alex," She downed what was left on the glass before he could get to her, wincing at the whiskey burning her throat. "I've run out of cigarettes, have no weed, I look too crazy to even bother going out to get shit and all I have is whiskey and a few bottles of wine." She used her fingers to count all the misfortunes that had come after the blow she'd taken the night before.

She turned to the whiskey bottle and poured herself another glass, way too full, but it was what she needed. She took a gulp of it and whispered a curse after it struggled to go down her throat.

"Ella, you're gonna have to stop right now." His words were firm, he was trying to be patient but he didn't want her drinking her problems away.

She rolled her eyes, setting the glass down harshly so the alcohol splashed around it. "Alex– I truly don't need you to be logical right now." She took a deep shaky breath and continued, "Just leave okay? You've seen I'm alive. I'm just not feeling good so just go, you have shit to do much more important than me and my fucking mess of a life." The way her voice broke saying that last sentence had him frowning deeper, he wanted to do something, anything to stop feeling the hurt she clearly was was feeling.

"What's wrong, darling? Talk to me." Alex hadn't called her that in a long time, not after he'd caught his mistake in doing that after that call at the Olympics opening ceremony, but he just couldn't help it. He'd tried to reach for her hand but she'd flinched away at the pet name.

It had made her wince, thinking back to what Arielle had told her the month prior about how Alex had called her that as he'd fucked her dumb. She felt so fucking pathetic, so far from special. Am I the problem? She had wondered that all night, as she cried herself to sleep.

She was tired of crying but she couldn't stop it. She was tired of people making her cry, making her believe that she wasn't worthy of anything.

She slowly turned around, sighing heavily before admitting, "He fucking cheated, Al."

Alex felt a blow to his chest, "What?"

Ella's tears cascaded down automatically, breaking his heart in a million little pieces for her. "He's fucking cheated on me, I–" She started but she had to stop as a sob ripped through her. "And you wanna know how I found out? Because his parents caught him in a lie. He told them he'd be going out on dinner with me and when they went to surprise us, they found him with someone else." Her voice raised as she narrated everything, fury in her eyes and the heartbreak making her tremble.

"He fucking admitted to it to them, how he's been seeing this girl for over a month, but when they told him he had to tell me the truth, he fucking refused." A loud scoff came from her, "His mom has had to fucking call me and tell me because this fucking cunt didn't have the balls to say it." She was so baffled, sobbing in disbelief.

Why does it always happen to me? She'd asked herself so many times, she had given up on an answer.

She sniffled, wiping her nose, "So now I've had to break up with him over the fucking phone because I know I wouldn't have been able to do it in person."

Alex walked slowly to get closer to her, not wanting to startle her. "Ellie I'm–" His words were cut by Ella's words of desperation.

"I fucking wanted to marry him Alex! I thought he was it for me!" Pure agony was what was filling every inch of her body and soul. "We had started trying for a baby." She broke down in loud sobs that made her hiccup as she tried to get oxygen back in her lungs.

Alex had no idea what to say to that, he wanted to do nothing more than to murder Julian after torturing him in the most sadistic ways. But she was his priority, making her feel better was what he had to do. He was quick to envelope her in a tight hug, she cried harder hidden in his chest as she fisted his maroon shirt.

Her tears bleed through his shirt and it felt like her heartache was burning his skin. "I just want this hurt gone, I feel like my chest is caving in, Al. I want it gone. Please." Ella begged and her body trembled in his arms. In that moment, all he could think was how he'd do anything to be able to take away the pain from her—he'd carry all of her burdens if it meant she'd be eternally happy, like she deserved.

His left hand was rubbing up and down her back, his right hand holding her head to his chest. He softly shushed her trying to calm her down in the slightest, he had never been good at consoling crying women, but for Ella he'd try and excel at anything she needed from him. "It's gonna be alright Ellie, I promise. You are gonna be okay."

Alex had her walk to the settee with him, she just let him guide her as her cries did nothing but increase.

Pathetic, pitiful, worthless, meaningless, replaceable.

That's all she felt about herself and she hated it, with a deep burning passion.

Alex sat down with her and she scooted onto his side, needing the warmth of his touch around her. She needed someone even if she didn't want to admit it and Alex was determined on keeping his hold on her for as long as she wanted it to.

His fingers started scratching her head, making her relax in her arms. Her sobs started to quiet down after five minutes and her breath slowed down.

"I'm here okay? I'm not leaving." He assured her, looking down at her still shielding on his chest.

She nodded, and she whined softly at the waves of memories coming back to her trying to push her back into a breakdown.

It had been like that since she'd gotten the phone call the night before, she would cry for hours and eventually calm down finding some sleep which was interrupted by the situation being reflected in her dreams, making her start sobbing all over again. She'd only gotten a total of three hours of sleep the night before.

A thought flashed through her head, making her break the hug as her skin crawled in disgust for herself. "I hate this so much," She muttered, recoiling to the corner of the settee, the furthest she could from Alex. "I'm gonna have to go and get tested now, not only for pregnancy but for everything else 'cause I don't even know who he's been fucking. I feel so disgusting."

The singer scooted closer to her, rubbing her arms which were hugging her folded legs closely to her chest.

"He's an absolute prick. I'm so sorry, Ellie. I really truly am." His honesty was so clear but she couldn't take it.

She started crying again, shaking her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. He should be."

That made Alex scowl, "Did he not?"

Ella chuckled entirely unamused at the memory of her phone call to him that had happened earlier that day. "He did, over and over but it just made me sick. He said it so many times it started sounding weird. He didn't mean it at all. He's only sorry for himself, that he got caught."

"I want to kill him." Alex said simply.

Her face contorted in pity for herself, because she still felt how much she loved him. "I want this to be a sick and twisted joke." Her chin wobbled, and he knew exactly what it meant.

Of course she still loved him. That's the type of person she was, always a giver. And she never half assed anything so when she loved, she loved in the very best way: passionately and endlessly. He knew that from the way she talked about her family, her friends, her hobbies, her job.

She threw herself in his arms again and sobbed away, none of them noticing how she was basically straddling his lap and how her breasts were pressed against his chest. Her face was buried on his neck and his arms wrapped around her again, the same way they had been doing before. He could feel the erratic thumping of her heart on the other side of his.

It had been an hour that it had taken Ella to exhaust herself to sleep. When her breathing slowed down and he heard one of her soft snores in his ear, he felt relief flooding his system. He knew then that hated seeing her cry, he hated seeing her in despair, sleep deprived—her dark circles were prominent when she'd opened the door and the sunlight hit her face—, relying on alcohol to drown her sorrows.

She deserved so much better.

He stood up from the sofa with her still in his arms, slowly to not wake her up but not even if he had been more careless could she have startled awake. She was in a deep sleep, having found comfort after long hours of misery.

He set her down on her bed, which was still unmade but not that messy which confirmed to him that she hadn't slept well at all the previous night. The covers were soon over her and all the way up to her chin, she'd let out a sound of satisfaction as she snuggled her pillows.

Alex decided to kick his shoes off and sit beside her, watching her peacefully sleep. Sometimes she'd flinch and start crying, hot tears falling from her closed eyes and wetting the pillow under her head. He'd rub her back, whispering 'you're okay, you're okay' until she settled back down, but it hurt him having to see her like that in the first place.

He felt so helpless.

After about three hours, seeing that she was in deep slumber, he thought it would be good for him to get some food. She had definitely not eaten at all that day so she'd be hungry when she woke up. He slowly put his shoes on and exited her house, grabbing her house keys and writing a little note before leaving.

Alex let himself smile fondly at the Tennessee keychain she had, a little silver cowboy boot it was and it reminded him of her mirrorball.

He had seen a few restaurants about ten minutes from her house so he settled for proximity rather than finding a restaurant he knew was good. The thing he least wanted was for her to wake up and see him gone, even if he had left a note.

The singer had decided to get some films from the redbox rental her neighborhood Walgreens had, wanting her to get distracted and enjoy herself for a little.

Despite him rushing to get back as soon as possible, and getting annoyed at himself for taking much longer than anticipated, when he got back she was still asleep. But it was eight in the evening then, so he had to wake her up to have her eat.

He dropped everything he'd gotten slowly on her kitchen counter and he walked carefully into her room. The bed dipping beside her had her stirring, so he felt less bad when he started brushing her hair back and softly whispered her name to have her wake up.

She'd hummed in response to hearing her name being called and he grinned at her pout, she was so effortlessly breathtaking—it was beyond his understanding.

"C'mon darling, I brought you some food." He finally said and she mumbled gibberish in response, "There's ice cream too and some films."

Her eyes slowly peeled open, her pout was replaced by a frown because she didn't remember much of how the hell Alex had ended up in her house.

Regardless, she rubbed her eyes awake and yawned. Slowly but surely she got up and threaded to the bathroom to freshen up, Alex told her he'd be serving their food in the kitchen and to join him when she was ready.

Twenty minutes later, she was out of the bathroom. Freshly showered, with her hair damp and wetting the back of her shirt. She'd changed her pjs for a 'Queens of the Stone Age' big shirt and some joggers.

Alex wanted to coo, seeing her hugging herself as she walked to the living room where he had set everything up. Italian food—her favorite—, a few bottles of Mexican coke he'd found in a bodega next to Walgreens, and 'Sherlock Holmes' ready to play on her TV.

Ella felt a knot tightening up in her throat, she was sure what she'd needed was to be miserable by herself until she'd cried all of her tears but seeing him there, sitting in her living room after having brought her food and shit that would make her feel better with the sweetest smile on his face, reminded her that she needed someone to help her during tough times.

Her pout grew on her face, and Alex was quick to stop her from getting herself worked out over nothing. "Hey, Ellie. It's okay, c'mere." She nodded and walked towards him, tears slowly filling her eyes and threatening to spill. He turned to her once she was sitting beside him and brushed his thumbs on the apples of her cheeks, "Don't cry okay? Let's watch a film and eat well so we can have a good sleep tonight, yeah?"

A tear slipped down and he was quick to wipe it, he pressed a kiss on her forehead to then turn and grab her plate for her. "Here," He handed her the plate, "Spinach ravioli bolognese, your favorite."

A pathetic little chuckle fell from her lips as she received the dish, it indeed was her favorite. "Oh, you remember."

He watched her as she placed the plate on her lap, sitting straight next to him. "Of course I do. I remember loads of things," But it wasn't about that in this situation, so he got her excited for the movie. "Have you seen this one? People say it's great."

Ella had been sure she wasn't hungry but at the smell of her favorite food reaching her nose, her stomach growled. She blushed, shaking her head at Alex's question, "I haven't, no."

Alex smiled at her, and pressed play but as the opening credits rolled, he pushed her softly to start eating. "I wanna know if you like it, try a little bit."

"Well, how different can it be from any other place? I'm sure it's good." Ella replied as she stirred some of the sauce around with her fork.

"Just a bite," He negotiated, "For me?"

The pout on his face seemed to twist her arm, she gave him a tight lip smile before she shoved a bite into her mouth. Her smile got bigger then, as she savored the food. "It's really good," He smiled, pleased to see that she liked it. "Thank you, Al."

He nodded before grabbing his own plate and they both ate slowly as the film played. It had gotten her giggling and quietly gasping at different moments, which made his heart swell inside of him. When the end credits rolled, he asked her if she'd liked it to which she gave him an excited nod of her head. She was smiling, small grins, but it was what he wanted to get from her.

Alex took the dishes to wash them and Ella followed after him with the empty coke bottles and complained about him doing the dishes in her house. He just stared at her right in the eyes as he quickly washed what they'd used and his smirk got bigger the more she complained.

"You're annoying." Ella simply stated when he was done.

Alex chuckled and walked over to her fridge, "Would some ice cream help you forgive me for being annoying?"

"Maybe..."

She took out two small bowls and two spoons, pointing him to where she had her ice cream scooper and thanked him when he filled her bowl with three big servings of the sweet dessert.

They went back to her living room, to play the next one. He'd changed the discs quickly in her DVD player and played the new movie in record time, "I've actually seen this one already, pretty good. You'll like it."

She saw Ryan Gosling on the cover of the DVD case and nodded, "Give me anything Ryan Gosling and I'll love it."

He laughed, and nodded, "Brilliant." and turned to watch the screen just as 'Drive' showed on the screen.

About thirty minutes into the movie, Alex's phone started going off so he excused himself to go outside and pick it up.

It was Breana, who had been texting him over and over because he hadn't given her an update on Ella like he'd promised. He cursed under his breath and closed the door behind him. He'd told Ella to keep watching but she was honestly just trying to please him by watching it with him. She'd been lost in her thoughts all through the start of it, seeing the main characters subtly flirt with one another had made her tragedies catch up to her again and made her silently crumble.

She'd left two of her windows open since the morning, when she'd been smoking her sorrows away until she ran out, so she could hear what Alex was saying.

"Hi, I'm so sorry," She knew he'd lit up a cigarette because she could smell the burning tobacco making its way inside her house. "Got caught up with everything and forgot about my phone." She heard nothing but silence for a few seconds until he started debriefing, "She's okay. I had her sleep for a few hours and got her food, we've been eating and watching some films." She was so confused as to who he was talking to but then he mentioned a name that had her in the brink of tears again. "Bre, I–. Yes, she was crying a lot but she's stopped for now." She wanted nothing more than for her best friend to be there but, alas, Ella's life seemed to be highlighted by always having the worst timing. "If she lets me then yes, I don't want her to be alone while she's going through this. Much less if there's a slight possibility of that cunt coming to bother her."

It didn't sound like jealousy in his voice, just plain anger at what Julian had done to her and in that moment she realized that maybe Alex and her were meant to be friends. Despite the direction things had taken when they'd first met, maybe they were meant to have a strong friendship so they could be there for each other, have each other's backs.

Ella realized how good it felt to have him there with her, because he understood her in a way that only a few people did and he made her feel calm. She needed that.

His voice could be heard further away as she went to her kitchen after pausing the movie and saw the other things that Alex had bought for her: two little bags of gummies, a dark chocolate bar, another Mexican coke, and a pack of Marlboro reds.

He was a life saver, truly.

She opened the pack and grabbed a cigarette, placed it on her mouth and, after closing her windows down, she joined him outside.

He'd gotten scared by the sudden movement at the door behind him, she laughed as she came to stand beside him and he lit her cigarette up at her silent question for it.

"Thank you." She muttered and he smiled in response.

Alex nodded and hummed at whatever Breana was saying, "Yes, Bre, I know and I won't. You have my word." A cloud of smoke left his lips when he chuckled, "I'll text you later, bye."

Ella watched through the corner of her eye as he hung up and placed his phone in the back pocket of his jeans.

"Thought I told you to keep watching without me." His gaze came over her, watching her relish in the bad habit they both had.

"You did, but I needed a breather." Ella admitted.

Alex nodded and they both fell to their tangled thoughts. She was lost trying to find answers to the one question echoing the most in her head, why? And he was stuck thinking about what he could do to switch her hurt for brief moments of joy.

"Are you feeling better?"

It took her a minute to answer, her eyes lost in the sky and the sight of the moon. So beautiful and unbothered, shining over every single person on Earth so effortlessly.

"It's a weird thing, honestly. I feel just... numb. Like I'm in shock and don't even know if what's happened is real but then I suddenly feel it all coming over me like I'm getting swallowed by fire and I'm burning alive, but somehow the emptiness I feel in my chest overpowers it all." Word vomit, that's what it had been and she shook her head at herself. "I'm talking out of my ass, aren't I?" Pathetic.

But when Alex instantly shook his head, she felt relieved. "No, you're not. He deserves hell, Ellie, not you. And he surely doesn't deserve your tears or your heartache." He threw the last of his cigarette on the floor and took two steps to be right beside her. He threw his arm around her shoulders and let it fall until he could hug her tightly to his side.

She let her head fall on his shoulder, "I've begged for hours that this is a nightmare but I've pinched myself enough times to know I'm unfortunately awake."

"I'm sorry, Ellie." He kissed the top of her head, and then rested his cheek on it. "But I know you, and I know you're gonna be okay. The shadow of his actions that's following you right now will wither away in time, but it will haunt him till the end of his days."

Tears had started falling again but this time in frustration when she explained, "I hate that my brain wants him to suffer but my heart is begging to spare him some mercy."

"Your heart will catch up, just be patient with it."

He was so good at just saying things like that, it blew her away really. "God, you're so poetic. No wonder you ended up a musician." She felt his chest tremble as he laughed, the cold breeze was a nice contrast to the warmth she felt by being held by Alex. "Thank you, by the way."

That had him lifting his head to look down at her, "What for?"

Ella was still pressed to his side but she tilted her head back slightly to look up at him. "The food, the movies, the candy, the cigarettes, letting me ruin your shirt with my tears, letting me ruin your day with my tragedies, begging Bre for my address, spending the day with me..." She was glad he was there, she was glad to have him. "You're a true friend, Alex Turner."

It hurt, 'friend', but he promised himself that that'd have to be enough for him so it would. He gave her the sweetest smile, "No need to thank me darling, I will always be here for you. No matter what." And he meant that—even if he was on the other side of the world, he was determined to always be there for her. "And you didn't ruin my day, if anything you saved me from Matt being insufferable since Bre is in New York."

She giggled, wiping her tears with her right hand. "Ugh, yeah. He must be unbearable."

Ella decided she was done with her cigarette, so she flicked it and watched it die in the ground of her driveway a couple of feet from her and Alex. She brought her arm to circle around Alex's waist and squeezed him softly, "Let's go back inside."

Alex nodded and dropped his arm from around her, Ella started walking ahead of him back to the front door but stopped in her steps when Alex spun her around by her wrist and crushed her in a hug.

"That one's from Bre," The singer said in her ear, "Forgot to deliver it until now, sorry."

She melted in laughter in his hold. He was such an idiot and she was so damn grateful he'd pestered Bre into giving him her address because she truly didn't know what it would've been of her if she'd spent the day completely alone.

They went back inside and finished the film, which ended up being really good and she'd be sure it would be one she'd watch more times in the future. It wasn't too late, barely midnight but she was falling asleep slowly, the exhaustion catching up to her.

Her yawn made him turn to her, he was gonna have her go to bed and then leave but she offered him to stay before she could even stand up from the settee.

Alex accepted, of course. If Ella hadn't offered, he knew he'd go back to the hotel and then be at her door in the morning to make sure she was alright.

She showed him the guest room and reminded him of where the bathroom was. She'd offered him clothes for him to sleep in but he kindly turned them down as he was fine just sleeping in his underwear.

He had managed to get some sleep for a few hours when he was suddenly woken up by her sobs at three in the morning. He wasn't sure what the noise was at first, too sleep drunk to grasp any logic but when he realized it was her crying, his heart broke.

Alex debated within himself if it would be good to just go and get her to calm down or if he should just let her cry it out but when he heard silence and then another heart ripping sob, he got up and walked to her room.

He knocked softly on her door twice before opening the door, his heart broke seeing her against her headboard hugging her legs. The brightness coming from her phone screen was the only thing keeping the room from being absolutely pitch black.

She saw him blurry through the tears, his hair ruffled and his clothes on his body messily. He hadn't had time to properly button his shirt up, too busy trying to check on her as soon as he could to put every button in its correct place.

"Ellie..." Alex cooed, approaching her as she sniffled, trying to calm herself down.

The second he reached her bed and sat beside her, he saw exactly what she'd been doing. She'd been looking at pictures of her and Julian, not the ones that she'd post but the random domestic ones like the one currently frozen in time on her phone. She looked to have been doing her makeup when he interrupted with a hug, their smiles so big on their faces it made her shiver—it felt like those two people in the picture were making fun of her.

Alex locked her phone and in a quick motion hugged her to his chest.Ella broke down all over again, clutching him like it was the only way she'd hold onto reality and not lose her mind altogether.

"Let's not do that, alright?" He suggested, rubbing her back.

She trembled under his touch from the force and continuity of her sobs, it had been such a stupid idea to go through her phone before going to sleep. Her nod was so small that he'd missed it but he continued on consoling her, pressing kisses to her head and talking in her ear.

"You're okay. He's a fucking idiot. He doesn't deserve your tears. He didn't and doesn't deserve you."

There was sweet conviction laced in his words, somehow Alex telling her helped more than if she tried to tell herself. It resonated more, it echoed louder inside her mind.

"I just don't understand it." Ella hated having to bring it all up again, but when it was all silence around her was when the questions would hunt her down. "A fucking month, he's been fucking someone else and sneaking off while I've been here like a love struck puppy stupidly waiting for him to come back. I feel so used and so stupid."

He lifted his head from where it had been resting on top of hers, so that she'd look at him. It was so dark but he could clearly see the soft sparkle of her eyes. "You're not stupid, Ella. You're the smartest one of us all."

She bit her lip trying not to cry again, chin wobbling at her naivety. "I'm clearly not. I didn't see it happening right in front of my eyes. Fuck knows if she was the only one." She let her head fall back, pressed against her headboard while she stared at the ceiling. The ceiling was the only part of her room she could see that didn't spark memories. "He's everywhere I look, Alex. Every inch of my house is tarnished with him and it's making me feel sick."

Her breath faltered, tears rolling down the corner of her eyes and falling down her temples. She'd started spiraling when she closed her door and suddenly her eyes seemed to only fall on bits that reminded of him. And she had tried her hardest to ignore it, to just think of anything else and let it pass but her heart ached to look back at every moment they'd spent together and she'd been too weak to say no.

Too weak, too naive. Stupid, stupid, stupid. All she felt was stupid.

The more her tears fell on his shoulder, the more Alex could hear her heart tearing apart. "I know, darling. But it will get better."

She straightened up, as her insides filled with anguish. She had no hope left. "I don't see how it can. He was everything. My everything."

He squeezed her tighter and she lifted her head up to rest on his shoulder again. His hand unwavering as it rubbed up and down her arm, warming the coldness in her. How could someone blatantly ruin someone like this? It was so insolent. "I know it's easier said than done, but you'll forget. You'll make new memories to replace the tarnished ones. And with time, the hurt will go and the beauty will remain." Because she seemed to glow so bright when was with Julian and he'd hate to see her dull away.

Ella started crying even more, "How stupid is it that I don't want to let the memories go though? I do this all the fucking time, I cling to every bit I have left of people until I just become numb to losing them one random day. But it's just an endless loop of torture until I get to that point, why can't I just skip this all?" It had only been a day, and she was already exhausted. "I don't even want to be in my own bedroom anymore."

"I know, I know." His hand left her arm to start scratching her head, he smiled slowly when he heard her sigh in content at the feeling. "But think about how this room could easily become your salvation if you ever accidentally let Matt and Breana stay over. And you know how shameless they can be—you'll have to start a new life just in here so you don't accidentally get flashed with Matt's arse. And believe me you really don't. Not a pretty sight at all." That was his awful attempt to lighten her mood up and it seemed to have worked when she snorted and her body shook with laughter.

In between chuckles she managed to respond, "You're an idiot."

Alex hummed a 'no', faux-defensive. "No, Breana is the idiot for going for someone like Matt. Me and you both saw him when we were high in the studio. That line about the galaxy being two thousand years old was definitely him."

"It definitely was." Ella agreed, why would he have gotten so offended by her correction if not.

"Yeah, we're not that stupid." He further backed his point.

But Ella was quick to scoff, "No, not at all Mr. 'Little tiny fruit coming after you'. How high did you get? Rude of you to not share your hallucinogens with me."

He let out a small gasp in fake disbelief, "I've never done such a thing, Miss Hayes."

"I don't believe you. No one writes such a shit song on just weed alone."

"Okay enough of your backchat." Alex argued, but he broke out in laughter at her chosen adjective to the song. "I know it's shit but it's still getting put out, it was a very monumental moment for us. New band member and all."

She moved her head up and tilted it back to look at him with an amused expression, "Yeah, very monumental with your new Glockenspiel player bandmate that doesn't even play a thing in it." The sarcasm making him giggle and the contagious sound had her giggling with him.

After their laughter died back down, Ella felt the ball move back up her throat. And maybe it was the way she held him that little bit tighter which gave her away, but Alex didn't hesitate to pull her the tiniest bit closer and continue to stroke her arm as he asked, "You don't have to stay in here if you don't want to, we can go in the other room?"

She wanted to accept, knowing at least that would make her feel better but the brief feeling of comfort would end up in something worse, "I won't come back in here if I do that... I can't let him take more from me. He's already chewed my heart up, he's not taking anything else."

"Atta girl, see? You're already in the right direction." He could only encourage her. After all, she was going to go about it at her own pace and he'd just be there with her through it.

"I just want the pain to go away. It's not fair." It really wasn't, she couldn't help but think how she was breaking down over and over while Julian could be enjoying his time with whoever it was he'd been seeing. "There's no way he's sobbing at god knows what hour in the morning like I am. How is that fair, Al?"

"It's not, darling." The whole situation infuriated him beyond belief, he wanted to seek revenge for her but not more than he wanted to strip her of the heartbreak. "I wish I could take it all away for you. I really wish I could."

"I just want it all to go away." Ella begged. It was a plea to life, to whoever was up there that thought it was fine to have her go through that.

"It'll pass I promise, and from here it will all just get better and better for you, Ellie. I cross my heart, darling." He'd find a way to pull the strings of the universe if it wasn't soon that it'll all look up for her.

Her hazy mind was able to grasp all that and it was the last thing she remembered before she'd succumbed to slumber, every atom of her being just giving up after the efforts of the past twenty four hours.

She hadn't felt Alex leaving her after he made sure she was truly asleep so she was the tiniest bit disappointed to find herself alone in bed in the morning, without his gentle touch on her to make her feel like all would be alright.

She reprimanded herself, it was just her being greedy at that point—he had been doing more than enough and she shouldn't be asking for more.

Her movements were quiet as she completed her morning routine, trying her best not to wake him up. He'd probably been up most of the night because of her cries, she felt so guilty.

She started making breakfast, finding comfort in the sizzle of the frying eggs and bacon on the pan and the drip of the coffee coming from her Keurig. The toasts were the perfect golden brown and, as she plated everything up for them, she found herself happy over the small victory it was for her to feel even the smallest amount of joy out of cooking a small meal.

Ella decided to move dirty utensils so she could wash them, carefully placing the hot pan in the sink when she saw Alex walking down the hallway and towards the kitchen. He looked to have just come out of the bathroom, she hadn't even heard him leave the guest room in the first place.

She didn't know if it was because of the fact that she was going through the worst heartache of her life, but the sight of him with his hair ruffled and wrinkled clothes shattered her.

Not in a negative way, not that it made her want to drop to the ground and cry, but in the way that she was already mourning the fact that she'd never be able to see him like that ever again. She'd always found him so breathtakingly pretty, but the image was so mundane that it added a layer to his general beauty.

He rubbed his eyes in the most childish way, she almost wanted to scream because of how adorable he looked, "Smells good." was all he said and she grinned like an idiot, filled with gratitude.

She slid the plate towards him on the kitchen counter, "This is the 'thanks for putting up with me yesterday and I'm so sorry for keeping you up all night', kind of like the most popular breakfast on the menu."

He chuckled, looking at the food and then at her. He shook his head with a smile and walked over to hug her, "You don't need to thank me or apologize for any of that. But thank you very much for this, it looks delicious." His arms held her tightly over her shoulders, she hid away on his neck with a smile and her arms around his waist.

They stayed like that for a minute and she tried backing away but he was reluctant to let her go. She pinched his waist and laughed, "It's gonna go cold, Al. Sit down and eat."

Alex left a kiss on her temple before letting go of her and sitting on one of the high chairs to dig into the food.

Ella watched him expectantly as he grabbed some of the food with the fork and placed it on the piece of toast, he lifted it up and took a big bite of it. It was good, really good but he exaggerated his reaction to entertain her.

His moan of satisfaction had her blushing and giving him a bright smile that reached her eyes. "That's really fucking good, Ellie."

She looked down at her own serving of food and timidly said, "Glad you like it."

They continued eating, settled in a comfortable silence and when they finished, he had beat her once again to washing the dishes.

She was leaning on her forearms, by the sink, sipping on her coffee while she watched Alex. The truth is that she wanted to ask for a favor but she was too shy to ask for something else from him. He noticed though, and it was so easy to read on her face that she was dying to say something.

"What's wrong?" His voice was so calm, inviting her to just use her words.

"I, um," Ella rose back up straight, leaving her coffee cup on the kitchen counter. "Could I skip this week at the studio? I would go but I'm sure I won't be the best company while I feel like this."

A sweet smile appeared on Alex's face, "Of course you can. But I have to ask for something in exchange..."

She got the tiniest bit more nervous with that, "Which is?"

"That you let me come over and disrupt your peace every day until you're back."

Ella didn't know what she was expecting but that made her let out a breathy chuckle, "Yeah, sure."

"I could take the camera and record for you as well, so you don't have to tell Ben and Aaron."

"You sure you can work a camera?" She teased, remembering how bad at checking his phone he could be. "A phone is enough of a nightmare for you."

Alex rolled his eyes jokingly, "Yes, I know how to work a camera. How hard can it be?"

She only shook her head, "Okay, I'll get everything ready for you. Are you leaving now?" She checked the time on her microwave and it flashed a 9:25 back at them.

He nodded, drying his hands with one of her kitchen towels. "Just so I can get over with the day as fast as I can and then I'll drive back."

Her eyes froze on his face after he said that. She truly was so glad he was there with her and so willing to stay around. She nodded, and when her gaze fell to his wrinkled and tear stained shirt she frowned.

"I'm gonna lend you a shirt so I can wash yours," She pointed at it, "I ruined it."

"No you didn't. It's fine." The singer spoke back, really not worrying about it but she was quick to shake her head and leave to get a shirt out of her closet.

He followed and when he walked through her door, she was looking through her shirts. "C'mere, choose whichever you'd like. Those are the biggest shirts I have." She waved him over and he complied.

He grabbed the first black shirt he saw and when he unfolded it, he laughed. It read 'Boot, Scoot, Boogie' and it had a pair of cowboy boots beside the big words.

"It's a good country classic, to be fair." She commented with a very amused grin on her face.

Alex lifted the shirt up in the air, "Thanks, Miss Tennessee."

She felt the squeeze in her chest, the last time he'd called her that was when he'd written it in the back of their photobooth pictures—one's that were hidden away in one of her drawers in between pages of her photo albums.

"You're welcome." Ella gave him a tight lip smile, "Now go get ready, before the guys start calling you non-stop"

He waved her off, "Already told them I'd be running late."

He walked into the guest room to gather his things and put them in his pockets, changing his shirt for Ella's and he knew he'd be in the best mood all day because the second the piece of clothing was on, he was drowning in her scent.

Flowers, sweetness and that small hint of tender woods.

He was already drunk on it when he came out, maroon shirt in hand and with a beaming grin on his face.

Ella smiled seeing him with the new shirt, "Suits you well."

"Thank you, darling." Bet it looks better on you. "I'll be back later, alright?"

She nodded, exchanging the shirt in his hand for the camera bag. "You take care of that like a child, Turner."

"I will, I promise." Alex let his arm drop dramatically making it seem like he was gonna drop the bag on the floor causing her to gasp loudly.

He started cackling, her face tinting pink at how easily she'd fallen for his prank. "You dick!"

She pushed him lightly and he started walking towards the front door, "Alright, alright. I'm leaving now." He stopped as she opened the door and right before exiting he opened his arms to hug her.

Ella gracefully walked into them, he wrapped them around her and made them both sway in the embrace. "See you later, Al."

"See you soon, darling." A kiss was left on her temple before he left.

She watched as he carefully placed the bag on the floor of the passenger side and, when he backed out into the road, he waved at her before leaving.

Her chest started feeling heavy again, those hours without Alex there would be hard but she had to power through them.

She remembered his words, 'the hurt will go and the beauty will remain'. She couldn't wait for that day to come.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

A/N: I think that after this you can come to the conclusion that I'm an absolute whore for some angst, I love it so much. Bless Ella though, so sorry girl. Hope you enjoyed this one, shit is getting real now... See you soon with the next one, thank you a billion for reading! xx

Taglist: @imagine-that-100​ @red---moon​ @kennedy-brooke​ @faveficz​ @indierockgirrl​ @ladydraculasthings @moonvr​ @unwantedlovergirl​ @eaglestar31 @nikisfwn​ @funniestpersoninnyc​ @andrearroe​ @justacaliforniandreamer​ @alexturnersgf69​

[pleasantlyinsincere]

May Pang, Sunday Mirror December 14, 1980

MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH LENNON - I didn't steal her man - by Tony Frost

John Lennon's secret love has talked for the first time about her "beautiful and tender" affair with the tragic superstar.

Chinese beauty May Pang has fought back the tears and said: "I still can't believe he is dead. Now he is gone, I feel a part of me has died too." Lennon turned to May after breaking up with his Japanese wife Yoko Ono in 1973. They spent eighteen 'Idyllic' months together - living in Los Angeles for six months, then setting up a love-nest on New York's fashionable East Side, before Lennon eventually went back to Yoko.

Only a few close friends knew of Lennon's romance with May, who was once secretary to him and Yoko. The affair was deliberately concealed from fans.

May, 30 but looking ten years younger, overcame her grief at last week's assassination of the ex-Beatle to give me an exclusive interview at her Manhattan apartment. "They were such magical times", she said. "Thank God, no one can take away my precious memories. I count myself as a very lucky woman to have shared some of John's most tender moments, his private thoughts and, most of all, his love. John brought me more happiness than I could hope to find in a lifetime with another man."

May originally worked for apple, the Beatles recording company. She became very close to Yoko and helped her in women's lib campaigns. "I don't want to say anything that might be hurtful to Yoko", she said. "She was always very kind to me. I didn't steal her man - they had broken up before John and I became lovers. I know she is deeply upset, and my heart goes out to her. But I have shed as many tears as Yoko."

Last Monday night, when Mark Chapman pumped five bullets into Lennon outside his New York home, May was at a friend's flat half a mile away. "We had the radio on," said May. "The disc jockey suddenly interrupted saying 'John Lennon has been shot'. At first I thought it was some kind of a sick joke. The initial news flash said that John was wounded. A few minutes later it was announced that he was at the hospital being operated on. I began shuddering and held my breath. I prayed that it wasn't true, but the third bulletin revealed the awful truth - John was dead. I screamed hysterically for several minutes. I stayed in bed for two days, sobbing and just thinking of John. I couldn't eat or sleep - my body was so numb from shock."

TOO UPSET

"The only thing I managed to do was pull a call through to Yoko. One of her aides answered the phone, saying she was too upset to talk to me. I can understand her feelings. Perhaps she cannot forgive me for loving John as much as her, and I feel I have no right to intrude into her sorrow. I left a message that I would gladly to anything to help her or their little boy Sean."

May's flat is a shrine to Lennon. Two pictures that she took of John - one showing him shirtless on a beach in California, the other relaxing with ex-Beatles drummer Ringo Starr - take pride of place. A note that Ringo slipped through the door of their New York home is pinned on the wall. "Dear John and May, Popped round to see you. Will call again." May has all of Lennon'd records but her most treasured possession is a doodle he produced.

"He was talking about finding peace and tranquility in his twilight years," she said. "He sketched for several minutes and handed me a drawing of himself as a little old man. 'That's how I'll look, when I'm 64,' he told me."

Lennon obsessed with assassination during the early Beatlemania years, later curbed his fear of death. "His great desire was to grow old gracefully," said May. "Some people fear old age, but John actually looked forward to it."

May, who was nicknamed 'Mother superior' by Lennon because she loved to organise things at his recording sessions, now works for Rod Stewart's record company. She cuddled two pet cats as she told of the gentle side of Lennon.

"When he read about callous acts of violence throughout the world, he would take it all so personally. 'Guns are for cowboys in the movies,' he said. John wanted desperately to be accepted at the level of the ordinary man. He always shunned bodyguards, to avoid attention being drawn to him."

WITTY VERSES

In a magazine interview shortly before his death Lennon said he had sometimes beat up his women. "He was never like that with me," said May. "He was a kind, caring and gentle companion. We would often stay up until dawn discussing music and the world's problems. Sometimes as we lay in bed he would recite poetry - nothing heavy just little witty, amusing verses - or sing to me. He was a real romantic and I don't believe he was capable of hurting a fly."

Lennon's fling with May ended after he bumped into Yoko backstage at an Elton John concert in New York.

She suggested he should improve his health by cutting down on alcohol, losing weight and stopping smoking. An appointment was made for him to visit a hypnotist who treated heavy smokers. Friends say that after his first session in the hypnotist's chair Lennon walked "almost spell-bound" back to Yoko's flat. From then the two were inseperable.

"When John went back to Yoko I knew it was finished between us forever, because he was a loyal and honorable person", said May. He was faithful during our time together and since he returned to Yoko there was never any question of him looking at another woman."

The last time May spoke to Lennon was three years ago ata party at Regine's nightclub in New York. "He was very careful in his choice of words because Yoko never left his side," said May. "I believe he could sense that I had never stopped loving him. I will love him forever. There will always be a corner of my heart reserved for John Lennon.

Lennon's affair was observed by Chris Charlesworth, then American editor of Melody Maker.

Chris, 33, said in London: "He was obviously infatuated with May. Yoko thought it would be a short-lived fling while John sowed his wild oats. I don't think he could ever get Yoko out of his mind. He used to ring her every few days just to hear her voice."

Chris said: "Dying so young was something that never entered John's head. 'When I'm 64, Yoko and I will be a doddery old couple living in a tiny cottage in Ireland,' he said. "Yoko envisaged them growing all their own vegetable and milking a couple of goats every day."

Lennon gave the reason why the fab four could never perform together again.

He told Chris: "If we got our act together it wouldn't be as good as the old days. We're rusty old men." The world will now never know if he meant it.

[heystephen]

happy los angeles reputation secret session anniversary . cannot believe 6 years ago today i was at taylors house listening to reputation for the first time

[graciedaily]

THE SECRET OF US TOUR MASTERLIST

surprise songs | setlist

05/21/24: UMUSIC acoustic session, Toronto, ON

06/17/24: gracie and audrey's tiny show, the Echo, LA

06/20/24: Jimmy KImmel Live! Mini concert, Los Angeles, CA

07/12/24: an evening with gracie, kingston upon thames, England

07/13/24: an evening with gracie, bristol, england

07/14/24: an evening with gracie, southampton, UK

07/30/24: ACL Live Taping, Austin, TX

09/05/24: portland, OR

09/06/24: seattle, WA

09/08/24: berkeley, CA

09/09/24: los angeles, CA

09/11/24: los angeles, CA

09/12/24: los angeles, CA

09/15/24: denver, CO

09/16/24: denver, CO

09/19/24: irving, TX

09/20/24: houston, TX

09/22/24: austin, TX

09/24/24: kansas city, MO

09/25/24: minneapolis, MN

09/27/24: chicago, IL

09/29/24: nashville, TN

09/30/24: atlanta, GA

10/02/24: washington, D.C.

10/04/24: new york, NY

10/05/24: new york, NY

10/06/24: new york, NY

10/08/24: philadelphia, PA

10/09/24: boston, MA

10/10/24: portland, ME

02/08/25: madrid, Spain

02/09/25: madrid, Spain

02/11/25: lisbon, Portugal

02/15/25: stuttgart, Germany

02/17/25: amsterdam, netherlands

02/19/25: hamburg, germany

02/21/25: dusseldorf, germany

02/22/25: berlin, germany

02/24/25: zurich, switzerland

02/25/25: milan, italy

02/27/25: paris, france

02/28/25: brussels, belgium

03/03/25: nottingham, UK

03/04/25: leeds, UK

03/06/25: london, UK

03/07/25: manchester, UK

03/08/25: cardiff, UK

03/10/25: dublin, Ireland

03/12/25: glasgow, UK

04/29/25: auckland, new zealand

05/02/25: sydney, Australia

05/03/25: sydney, Australia

05/04/25: sydney, Australia

05/06/25: brisbane, australia

05/07/25: brisbane, australia

05/09/25: melbourne, australia

05/10/25: melbourne, australia

05/11/25: melbourne, australia

05/13/25: adelaide, australia

05/16/25: perth, australia

05/17/25: perth, australia

[magxit]

All 89 “1989 (Taylor’s Version)” solved puzzles on Google:

1989 Taylor’s Version And everyone was watching And i’ll write your name Aquamarine green Burning it down But not like this But she found herself But they never blind me Can’t stop won’t stop moving Chai sugar cookies Come along with me Crossword puzzle Crystal blue skies Darling i’m a nightmare December thirteenth Elevator buttons Everything and nothing Fifth Album Floor eighteen From the vault Glitch Golf Club Got a haircut Haters gonna hate He does it so well I could finally breathe Incredible things It all seems so simple It’s a new soundtrack It’s been waiting for you I’m just gonna shake Like we stood a chance Long list of ex lovers Loose lips sink ships Los angeles Love MCMLXXXIX Magic madness heaven sin Melbourne My name is taylor swift Never go out of style New York city Nice to meet you Now we got problems October twenty seven Of kisses on cheeks Pegacorn Pen click Pop record Rainstorms Red lip classic Rose garden pink Sagittarius Sea urchins Seagulls Secret sessions She danced to forget him She lost him She wasn’t doing anything Sheep She’s like oh my god Sixty five Slut u are (?) So hey let’s be friends So it’s gonna be forever Summer fling Sunglasses Sunrise boulevard yellow Swifties Swiftmas Sydney Taylor’s version Taylurking The palm of your hand The summer i turned pretty They paid the price Think i am finally clean Thirteen Timing is a funny thing To what you need Tokyo Two paper airplanes flying We both went mad Wednesday What you are is brave With some other girl Yes whale You were all i wanted You were looking at me

[brokethedrawer]

Ran into this while browsing through some older sites--an article/interview from 2004, mostly about Everybody Loves a Happy Ending. I especially love what Charlton says about "Size of Sorrow."

In case the Wayback Machine link ever stops working, here's a copy:

INTERNAL CONFLICTS ARE PRACTICALLY a requisite for every pop duo, the in-fighting associated with Simon & Garfunkel, Oasis and The Everly Brothers almost as well-known as the songs they produced.

Up until recently, Tears for Fears had sustained an impressive impasse of their own, with one half of the pair, Curt Smith, abandoning the synth group for more than a decade. What was thought to be a permanent vacation, however, is snapped on April 6 with the release of Everybody Loves a Happy Ending (Arista), the first CD by the original British duo since 1989’s Top 10 album The Seeds of Love.

The full track list: "Everybody Loves a Happy Ending," "Closest Thing to Heaven" (first single), "Call Me Mellow," "Size of Sorrow," "Who Killed Tangerine?," "Quiet Ones," "Who You Are," "The Devil," "Secret World," "Killing with Kindness," "Ladybird" and "Last Days on Earth."

Smith and partner Roland Orzabal grew up as childhood friends in Bath, England, devoting many years to the cultivation of Tears for Fears (and Graduate, prior to that) before breaking though with The Hurting in 1983.

The band ruled the airwaves in ’85, tallying two singles that topped the charts for a combined five weeks: "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" and "Shout." But despite the mega-success of Songs from the Big Chair that year (five-times platinum) and the strong reception garnered by its follow-up, The Seeds of Love, four years later, the union eventually proved ill-fated. Smith exited in 1992.

Orzabal upheld the Tears for Fears moniker despite Smith’s absence throughout the ’90s, but the amount of material he created was minimal: Elemental in 1993 and Raoul and the Kings of Spain two years later. In the meantime, Smith periodically issued obscure solo discs, including 2000’s Aeroplane.

"About two-and-a-half years ago, they started talking again," newly recruited guitarist Charlton Pettus, who also played on Aeroplane, tells ICE. "I think they had both arrived at similar places musically, and whatever personal stuff there was, it was long ago enough that no one cared anymore. Their dynamic partnership is one that they didn’t fully appreciate until they didn’t have it. When they got back into it, they just kept going."

Once the reunion became official, the band devoted winter 2002-’03 to writing and laying down demos. The bulk of the recording took place in Los Angeles starting in February, and lasted through the summer.

"We took about four trips between Roland’s house in England and [L.A.] before we really started recording," says Pettus, who co-produced the album with the band. "So it was a gradual, get-back-into-the-water thing at first."

Whereas Orzabal traditionally performs guitar and keyboards and Smith the bass, the members occasionally swapped duties during this recording. Pettus filled all three roles when needed, and Orzabal even stepped behind the drum kit for "Closest Thing to Heaven." The album is also infused with B3 organ, Wurlitzer, acoustic piano, Mellotron, clarinet and other instruments.

While Pettus claims the recording was slow-moving, "Ladybird," the first song the duo attempted, "went fairly quickly and naturally," he says. "There was no conscious effort to sound like Tears for Fears… they just do."

Despite the long gap of time between recordings, the group only looked to the past for one Everybody selection, "Size of Sorrow"; the rest were all written specifically for the new album.

The Orzabal-penned "Size of Sorrow," at least seven years old, was casually recalled during the recording sessions, eventually winding up on the album. "It was from the period right after they broke up, so hearing Curt sing it was kind of an epiphany," Pettus states. "When we were going through songs midway through the process, there was a song of Roland’s that he’d never recorded a version of which he liked. Me and Curt thought it was a beautiful song… we messed around with it for awhile and loved it."

Pettus says that the majority of initial tracks were preserved for the final versions of the songs.

"More than half the tracks on there are first-take quickies," he says. "A lot of the guitar solos are first-take noodles that we got attached to. It’s a demo/record hybrid — nothing was erased."

He points to the title track specifically: "The middle part of that song is Roland singing and playing acoustic guitar together on one mike. He did just one take as a reference, so we could lay out the song structure. We thought there was something magical about the take, so that was it."

The studio residency resulted in roughly 12 leftover tracks, some of which will surface as B-sides and others that will not be finished. Pettus hints at one track in particular, "Out of Control," as being an especially beloved remainder.

Once the recordings were finished, the pair inked a deal with Arista — the first time they had ever been involved with the label. "[Arista president] L.A. Reid has always been a big fan," VP of Marketing Adam Lowenberg tells ICE. "Everyone at Arista is so excited about this… there’s nothing else like it on our roster."

–Kurt Orzeck © 2004 Howard Communications, Inc. All rights reserved.

[theageoftheunderstatement]

NME: Arctic Monkeys – ‘The Car’ review: a swashbuckling, strings-fuelled epic

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

By Thomas Smith, 18th October 2022

Atop a Los Angeles rooftop car park sits a lone white Toyota Corolla. There’s no knowing how – or when – the saloon got there, what’s lurking in the trunk or the glove compartment, or whether it’s responsible for the screeching tyre marks nearby. Decoding the artwork for ‘The Car’, Arctic Monkeys’ seventh album, feels akin to attempting to get under the hood of the band themselves; it’s mysterious, unusual and, crucially, all part of the fun.

While their peppy, game-changing 2006 debut ‘Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not’ and 2013’s behemoth ‘AM’ will provide greater lessons in assessing rock’s place in 21st century music, ‘The Car’ best summarises the Arctic Monkeys story so far: sharp songwriting, relentless innovation and unbreakable teamwork. For the old-heads, it’s a satisfying toast to those who’ve stuck by and matured along with the band, while for the newbies – arriving primarily via TikTok and streaming services – it is a remarkable place to start their Monkeys journey.

True to drummer Matt Helders’ words, the band “pick up where they left off” on 2018’s ‘Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino’, their masterful – and divisive – collection that traded razor-sharp riffs and stadium-sized choruses for loungey space-pop, obfuscating characters and a shady lounge lizard persona for frontman Alex Turner. The songwriter himself appears to make a sly reference to the fallout from the last album on ‘The Car’s brooding highlight ‘Sculptures Of Anything Goes’, bemoaning someone – or himself – who’s “puncturing your bubble of relatability with your horrible new sound”.

Nevertheless, ‘The Car’ goes some way to addressing some of the last record’s flaws. While growing in stature once the initial shock wore off and proving to be wildly entertaining live, there were still some nit-picks to be had with ‘Tranquility…’: perhaps it was too slow and one-note, perhaps the full band were under-utilised as performers, perhaps it felt more like a Turner solo record. On ‘The Car’, though, Jamie Cook, Nick O’Malley and Helders are present and powerful; guided by Turner’s songwriting and delicate vocal performance, but never ceding to it: ‘Body Paint’, a swaggering ‘70s-inspired epic, features the full band at their most ferocious-sounding in years. If ‘Tranquility…’s monochrome palette boxed Arctic Monkeys in, here they’re flourishing in full colour.

The band began recording the album last summer while reconnecting post-lockdown at a 14th century monastery in Suffolk, fitting in sessions amid England’s almost-glory at Euro 2020. Decamping to La Frette – the studio-cum-mansion on the outskirts of Paris where they recorded much of ‘Tranquility’ – to capture Turner’s vocals, Arctic Monkeys then, most importantly, headed to RAK Studios in London. It was here that an 18-piece string section recorded their parts for ‘The Car’, bringing to life the arrangements composed by Turner, producer James Ford and Bridget Samuels, whose credits include the 2019 psych-horror Midsommar.

It is these musicians, as much as the band themselves, who provide ‘The Car’ with the vivid textures that this record’s predecessor. The grandiose funk-rock of ‘I Ain’t Quite Where I Think I Am’ soars in comparison to the version first played live this summer, and ‘There’d Better Be A Mirrorball’ is the band’s first real tear-jerker since ‘Cornerstone’, stirring strings soundtrack a relationship that’s gone off the boil. Del Schwartz, a not-so-secret Spotify playlist that AM fans have attributed to Turner (despite an unconvincing recent denial), provides ample clues to the frontman’s sonic inspirations this time round: The Rolling Stones producer Andrew Oldham, Brazilian rockers Os Mutantes and an array of French composers, including Francis Lai, all feature.

‘Hello You’ is where it all comes together most effectively. Resurrecting the swirling guitar riff of ‘AM’s slinky cut ‘Knee Socks’, Helders’ percussion pushes the band forward as dramatic strings dance around Turner’s vocals. It’s immediate and playful, and as alluring as anything on Steely Dan’s 1980 classic ‘Gaucho’. Though more sedate, ‘Jet Skis On The Moat’ and ‘Big Ideas’ conjure colourful scenic images of The Talented Mr Ripley and ’60s James Bond flicks, a clear contrast to the art-house black-and-white cinema of ‘TBH&C’.

The characters that Turner assumes in his songs here are more nuanced and compelling than before. For all the costumes he uses as “writing tools” on ‘Body Paint’, he can’t help but admit that his “teeth are beating and my knees are weak” at the altar of romance, while on ‘There’d Better Be A Mirrorball’ he gives it the “old romantic fool” to little avail. Every moment of triumph is tempered by his own flaws: the faux-luxury of “the Business they call Show” (‘Hello You’) appears increasingly hollow, and by ‘Perfect Sense’, the record’s gorgeous Dion-nodding swansong, “a four-figure sum on a hotel notepad” is all it takes for him to realise the charade is up. There’s a ‘your mum’ joke on ‘Sculptures Of Anything Goes’, too.

‘The Car’ is almost overwhelming in terms of its ambition and scope, but provides ample motive to revisit this record over and over again. Whether it’ll be enough to reach across the divide and convince the naysayers is yet to be seen, but given they’ll be playing in stadiums up and down the UK and beyond next year seems to suggest a rapprochement is in motion. For now, though, Arctic Monkeys stand alone like the abandoned saloon on the rooftop: the last – and greatest – band of their generation still operating at their highest level.