#lose you to find myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

labyrinth-lavie · 6 months

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Whelve

Some words don’t need to utter Some thoughts better unsaid either For our hearts might shatter We better keep the secret forever Kill the feelings while it doesn’t grow any further And cherish the moment that we had each other.

#forbidden love #lose you to find myself #poem

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months

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Ooh, you want to know what happens at the gay bar run by ex-pirates, ooh...You'll just have to read Tiger Tiger to find out...

(Inspired by this Disco Elysium comic)

#tiger tiger #remy bonnaire #Arno #jamis arlesi #f slur mention #(Remy is allowed to say it. Jury is still out on Jamis though.)#I love that disco elyisum comic so much. I have it saved in several places so I can find it to show people. I lost it once. Never. Again.#Hard lesson about redrawing/heavily referencing a beloved comic is that you will feel so inferior to its genius.#I did my best but I feel like I didn't hit the high notes I wanted. Such is art!#At the end of the day I have to remind myself that I'm still on a journey and not every piece is going to be my best.#Yeah I'm still on my Tigers propagana train. Toot Toot. All abord or perish to the Tigers.#I hear tigers are running the Olympics this year. That's right. It's tigers all the way down.#Obscure references aside; time to talk tigers spoilers:#I was absolutely losing my mind at Remy taking Jamis to the Starfall. He did *not* expect to be in a gay bar.#Jamis is our beloved bisexual lad but I don't think he's fully in tune with it yet.#How down right unfortunate that he is also the hottest cub in the room. Will he realize? What will he realize? Who Knows!#Thank you to everyone who checked out Tiger Tiger from my recommendations!#And thank you to my fellow Tigers fans for receiving my comics with open arms. Next comic will be about Rat Man.

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inkskinned · 1 year

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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

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chalkrub · 4 months

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mockley time it's mockley time will you have some mockleys of mine

#my art #oc #mockley #anthro #furry #dinosaur #i think i like this mockley i think i'm guiding her to where she needs to be design-wise to fit in with her human cohorts #and the lines were fun as hell to render. mockley has so many textures #been in an art rut recently. feel like i'm guiding my art where i don't want it to go. and also feel limited in what i can do #big pity party basically lol but it's good to recognise that and be like well whatever. just do some studies and get back on track #less throwing myself against the same wall and more finding a ladder to get over it. which will involve more studies and less oc drawings #and also less comparing myself to other people and especially people younger than me who have amazing art it's BAD for you #compete with YOURSELF and you can neverrr lose. you can never lose if you have fun LOSING #learn to LOVE losing #my favourite vinny vinesauce quote and one of my favourite motivational quotes ever. he said it as a joke while salty at mario kart #but it's resonated positively in my life ever since hearing it #fall in love with failing.....learn to love losing....(said to myself)

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slavhew · 2 months

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And I just have to tell you that I

Love you so much these days,

#homestuck #dirk strider #bgd #brain ghost dirk #jake english #dirkjake #hs2 #homestuck^2 #homestuck 2 #hsbc #homestuck beyond canon #homestuck epilogues #candy epilogue #admin draws #fanart #i cant even pretend im normal about my own art or this song im sorry #im tryna think of something to say abour this and i keep thinking about the lyrics and i GRGRHHHHFHFJG #i dunno man. i love plastic beach. i cant say anything here that is not gallbladder-achingly cheesy #but just. i dont know.#jake keeping a little bit of dirk in his heart all those years. even if bgd is 'all' jake hes still in the memory he carries #when i listen i find myself stuck between which singer/verse should be jake and which should be dirk. but the answer is simple #theyre both both.#jake thinks hes the one singing abour getting abandoned. but really hes the one losing himself in the substance #and dirk. dirk is the one watching him lose himself. but since hes just a part of jake. yeah.#'i have to tell you that i love you so much these days' both as something jake is saying to dirk and what jake wishes dirk was there to say #hes so alone in that reality. even if he might not admit and go so far as to imagine dirk saying it. its something that deep down #he aches to hear. the man who has deemed himself unlovable and incapable of love. he still wants to hear it despite himself #he still wants to say it despite nnot being able to bring himself to even process that emotion #sigh. see what happens. i cant talk aboht it bc a single line turns intoTHIS

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hellsquills · 2 months

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Thinking so hard about Logan's faith

He really is a man that has lost everything. EVERYTHING. In every timeline, in every universe. So much loss and betrayal and pain.

This "worst" wolverine has absolutely nothing. No friends, no family, no xmen.

And yet he doesn't think life is unfair. TO HIM. He thinks life has been unfair to all the good and innocent people around him, but not to him. Because unlike him, those people deserved a good, long life that he's been cursed with.

And yet he's not a hopeless man, not really. Because after losing everything, it just takes Deadpool and Laura (two people he didn't previously know!!) to remind him that goodness exists. That purpose is something that he can still have, if he wants it.

And Logan believes. He believes so hard in them because, deep down, something in him knows that humanity is not only worth fighting for, but also that he wants to fight for it.

Deep down, despite everything, he wants be good (which he is, he just doesn't see it)

#i watched this movie to laugh at my favorite Guy deadpool and yet #i find myself thinking about logan and how fascinating of a character he is #someone who's lost SO much and yet keeps finding the strength to look at humanity with heart eyes #with a forgiveness that you can only find in those like him #who keep losing and yet have a faith that rivals any religion #holy shit I'm DEEP in this character that never really spoke to me before #wolverine #logan howlett #deadpool and wolverine #deadpool 3 #wolverine meta #hells originals #hells rants

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dieinct · 8 months

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sometimes when total strangers commit the crime of being annoying in my reblogs i DM them or reply @ them before blocking simply due to the autistic need to be understood. BUT i have rules for when i'm allowed to do that.

1. i'm not allowed to do it without running the scenario past a groupchat to make sure i'm justified in annoyance and not simply evil (due to migraine, hangry, etc) 2. i have to make it constructive and helpful feedback, such that they can avoid getting blocked in future interactions. which sometimes makes me feel like i'm some sort of tumblr user manners training wizard. eg:

> CHUMMY INSULTS are only funny if you are already MUTUALS WHO TALK. try upgrading your FRIENDSHIP before attempting this maneuver!

> if you don't wish to ANNOY other USERS, try NOT leaving long, off-topic REBLOGS. such REBLOGS may result in other USERS taking the BLOCK action against you, and/or being targeted by a PISS ON THE POOR attack in future interactions!

> unloading your PERSONAL TRAUMA in a STRANGER'S INBOX unprompted is a BOUNDARY VIOLATION!

many such cases. obviously don't phrase it like this unless your goal is to be insanely condescending. but anyway i recommend doing your best to at least mentally frame your feedback this way if you're going to block the motherfuckers anyway.

#sometimes it's GENUINELY agonizing to just block someone without explaining why and this is something i only do then because: i do know.#like i know this is both insane and rude. however sometimes i can't help myself and i really try very hard not to make it... ad hominem.#but. 'your behavior is inappropriate and i am setting a boundary but also i want you to know why' (<- said by guy who needs to know always)#if nothing else if the advice is constructive you won't hate yourself for losing your temper.#tumblr wizard #<- so i can FIND THE FUCKING POST AGAIN

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bread-wizards · 17 days

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Love Laudna wanting Orym to be the one to cut her down if need be because she feels he can make hard choices, and Travis like "uh hello? What about Chetney? You want to put Orym through that anguish? I am right here" like damn, he right tho

#chet is 400+. his relationship with grief is very different from orym who is 6 years into being a widow and being retraumatised each day #chetney is big picture #he doesnt have that same level of responsibility for the others safety and protection that someone like orym has #not to say he doesnt care. he very much does. its just different #for him sometimes caring means putting your dog down when they are suffering #orym would see having to hurt his friends as a personal failing #like how he saw himself dying as a failure #i do find it funny whenever the team is like 'what if i hurt one of you when i lose control? i couldnt live with myself :('#'anyway orym i want you to kill me on purpose'#and orym just like :/ because what is he going to do? say no?#set boundaries and take his own future mental state into account?#nope. if it helps the others then he will commit an unforgivable act and barely be able to live with the guilt after #love that the halfling has been weaponised #this sounds sarcastic. i mean it. its juicy storytelling #the hells need to take chetney into account more. this man is pop pop. he cares in the way a dad friend would #gentle and sweet at times. an empathetic listener #but also willing to smack the shit out of you if you do some fuckshit #he would be so gentle with taking them out #would immortalize them through his woodwork after to remember them #critical role #cr3 #orym #chetney #text post #4sd spoilers #my posts #idk if thats a needed tag #sorry for my wall of text tags but i ramble

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puppyeared · 2 months

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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION #listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc #time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our #own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that #and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt #wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal #whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it #i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in #the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time #but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every #day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more #of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts #i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head #than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well #being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own #like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it #and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo #and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience #the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes #no offense krobus #yapping #stardew #stardew valley #puppy plays sdv #sdv #this game has me by the ankles man

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sbd-laytall · 4 months

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Smallville | 4.11 | "Unsafe"

#his little tear flowing down his face 🥺#I absolutely hate this moment #this is one of the very few moments where I actually find myself not on Martha's side #his parents are just being so ridiculous when everyone knows that Red K makes Clark lose all of his inhibitions #like y'all weren't mad that Clark robbed banks but you're mad that he got married #make it make sense #your child is crying in front of you and utterly breaking down and you decide to make him feel even worse? wow just wow #anyway Clark deserves so much better in this story arc #clark kent #smallville #gifs are mine #my post

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sciderman · 5 months

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i opened tumblr during lunch and the first thing i saw was peter parker britney spears. two of my friends stared at my phone and audibly went “oh” thank you for the blessing

i've had so many people tell me "sci. the only thing i know about you is spider-man and britney spears". and i think that's all there is. you're welcome.

#sci speaks #sighs. i miss my old workplace. those guys were so fun. i miss playing britney in the office all day every day.#i was myself. so unapologetically. sighs. siiiighs.#this new job is killing me. i need to find a way to be more aggressively myself but i don't have the energy.#the job exhausts me so much. or maybe it's my biology that's doing it.#whatever it is something is fucking WRONG !!#i think working in a big company you kind of have to lose yourself a little. just because there are so many people.#like you don't know those people. you just don't know all those people. you could never hope to know all those people.#but in my old place i knew everyone and they knew ME! knew all my sexy nonsense. it felt like home. kick off my shoes.#sighs. what do you do sci. what do you do.#i don't think if i moved company it would help. it might get worse.

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arandomocto · 5 months

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I am not immune to good monster design ok- this is what peak performance looks like

#falin touden #falin dungeon meshi #chimera falin #faligon #artists on tumblr #traditional art #fanart #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #look I am a freak for good design #and when that comes with a pretty women with big feathers that can crush skulls like grapes?#ryoko kui my beloved every time I run into something she does in the manga I lose my shit because. ma’am how are you so based #tight worldbuilding unique inventive design and many characters I find myself going apeshit over #what can’t she do #octocertifiedpost

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the-woman-upstairs · 4 months

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It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.