#loss of humanity

[the-sun-the-moon-and-thalia]

Season 3 episode 9 Thoughts and Theories

Of all the ways to lose someone, death is the kindest. Fighting to survive in this world means giving up your humanity and losing yourself. It is better to die yourself than live with what you’ve done. Where is the line between survival and identity death? How far will you go to survive only to be unable to live with the consequences as a completely different person than when you started?

Almost every single one of these wilderness deaths comes as a direct result of the person choosing morals and humanity over survival, which is the antithesis of the wilderness. 

Laura Lee risks her life to take the plane because she is a good person who would rather everyone live. It’s dangerous and not likely to succeed, but she puts hope and goodness first, refusing to become selfish in her survival. She dies because of it. 

 Jackie sleeps outside because she would rather stay true to herself and her position than do the survival thing of sucking it up and sleeping inside (a running theme with Jackie, who would rather continue to be herself than adapt and become hardened by the wilderness.) 

Crystal immediately disagrees with Misty, arguing with her and blaming her for the black box. She refuses to go along with Misty’s delusion, something most people disagree with her over. Like, girl, be quiet and let Misty think you’re on her side until you get away from that damn cliff. But crucially, she doesn’t she does not lie. She is right morally, and she doesn’t give up her side of the argument. She dies for this choice. 

Javi only falls into the lake because he was trying to save Nat making him a target instead. 

Coach Ben refuses to try to survive by eating human flesh, which is ultimately why he chooses to leave the group and signs his death warrant. You could also say his letting Mari go is also an example; he lets her go, which is the morally correct decision when killing her to keep her quiet would promote his own survival. 

Natalie protects Lisa and takes the hit for choosing Lisa’s survival over her own. Van refuses to kill Melissa, which she thinks may count as a sacrifice to the wilderness, which would ensure her survival and then Melissa kills her for it. 

The surviving characters, time and time again, have chosen their own survival over their humanity or morals. The most obvious example is in cannibalism. We see them partake in something that they do out of a deep, perverse desire to survive (not something I am judging them for) but goes against their morals. They have sacrificed people to the wilderness, “it’s what it wants,” but they have also sacrificed their identity and humanity.

We see this most acutely with Shauna and Tai. Shauna, who has had every bad personality trait magnified, every awful urge indulged, has become a rotten, hateful shell of her former self and has lost almost everything because of it. When she eventually does make it out of her survival situation she has very little to come back to. This is one of the many reasons she takes on Jackie's presumed identity, she marries Jeff, she has another baby she lives Jackie's life. She has no identity no personhood left to her she gave it up when she lost Jackie. We saw brief glimpses when she had her baby of the Shauna she used to be but it was gone as quick as it came. In keeping herself alive, she has consumed Jackie, she has beaten Lottie almost to death, she chased Natalie and carved up Javi. Things she HAD to do to survive. But was it worth it? To come back to nothing to live a life filled with nothing with shadows of the things you lost, a husband that reminds you of your best friend, and a daughter that reminds you of your baby.

Tai has literally created another person so we see this idea most literally with her. The other Tai is the one who survives; the other Tai is the one who kills, sacrifices and consumes. It is a survival mechanism but one that causes her to completely lose her sense of self, morals, and humanity. She doesn't remember (some of) the things she had to do to survive. Because she can not be Taissa and do those things, they can not both exist. Unlike Shauna, who, when faced with this, gives up her humanity, or Van, who confronts and accepts it, Tai is in denial. She creates this other side of her/opens herself up to some evil shit to do the things that are necessary for her to survive. Tai is rational, she is calm she is clever she is realistic.

The cave dream sequence and the slap bracelet also exemplify this. Jackie and Akilah remain unharmed. Van gets a cut, and Shauna gets murked. While Akilah may have eaten flesh, she hasn’t done anything specifically to sacrifice her sense of identity. She hasn’t lost herself yet. As the quote on the board says, of all the ways to lose yourself, death is the kindest. Van has done some bad things. She has rigged the card draw (confirmed by Tai in episode 9) and may have started the cabin fire/covered up for Tai. She gets slightly cut as she has maintained herself despite what she needs to do to survive. Shauna has lost herself completely. She has died and been reborn in the wilderness. This identity death is symbolised through the slap bracelet literally killing her. She has survived so much, and it has warped her horribly. Jackie and her baby died, having to carve up Javi. She has survived through it all, but who she was and what she is now are not the same. (DISCLAIMER: this is definitely not the only way to read the dream sequence. This is just one of many interpretations, but I thought it all linked together quite well.)

Lottie also aligns with this really clearly (interesting that these are the three who choose to stay behind). She is giving in to these instincts and ideas she’s feeling real (from trauma) or from the wilderness (supernatural). She has lost who she used to be completely and has given herself over to these survival-based instincts entirely. The Lottie Matthews from pre-crash is dead well and truly, and Tai and Shauna at least become shadows of their former selves. Lottie has become ruthless for her own survival but also that of the group. Lottie, however, is not doing this intentionally, which I think is one of the reasons she has died this season. Lottie genuinely thinks she is doing this to help everyone, i.e., staying true to her morals. She is, however, sacrificing her humanity to do it, i.e., becoming more in touch with the wilderness/her trauma; take your pick. It’s a self-sacrificing role but one for the survival of the group and herself. I think this is why she is the teacher in the dream sequence, removed from everyone but not completely apart. 

I think at some point early on in the season, she comes to terms with this and begins to reclaim herself and choose humanity over survival, but this will mean her death. If you couldn’t tell, Lottie is my favourite character, and I love her so much that she is so deeply misunderstood.

Hannah's decision to kill Kodi is something that is so obviously done out of the desire to survive "the things people will do to survive another day", cements her as part of the team. It's a fucked up out of left field decision for someone like her as she has decided she willing to sacrifice everything to make it out alive.

Lottie and Travis’s deaths fit into this the least. Obviously, we don’t know how Lottie died, and we only know Lottie’s account of how Travis died, so if anyone has any good thoughts on how their deaths might fit in with the theme, let me know. 

The show is ultimately and always has been about survival and identity.

[critter-catch-them-all-fella]

Oops I posted the first chapter and a related onshot for my submas au where Giratina accidentally shatters Ingo into a million pieces and does its best to put him back together without really understanding humans to ao3 but forgot to share here.

[writenotwantnot]

Core Recovery

Life Series SMP, Portal AU

Tags: Memory loss, Loss of humanity, Unnamed character death, Unethical science

It was the notice of significant movement that stirred the AI from standby mode. That was strange. Gyroscope readings had changed from the static triple-negative that had been a constant for several decades to a continuous movement in the positive y-direction. If there had been a severe tectonic disruption causing the floor to collapse and the core to fall then it should read negative y. Instead, it was upwards as if something had taken hold of the core and was lifting it off the ground where they had fallen. They were being rotated then, forty-five degrees towards positive x, one hundred and twelve degrees towards positive z. Had the scientists returned to restart testing? There was only one way to find out.

Reserve power in the core was dwindling. It had been enough to maintain standby mode for this long, but switching on more functions was going to put a drain on the battery. But that wouldn’t matter if the scientists were back. They would simply plug the core into the building’s mainframe and they could charge up then. There would be no harm in using a few low energy functions for a short while. 

Optics came first. It took quite a long time to get the optic system online, all the while there was constant movement readings being monitored by the gyroscope. They had not made any further movement up or down but were wandering around the same floor level. Perhaps the scientists were gathering more of the cores which had been in the same locker area? When everything was finally ready their #2f9cfb LED optic lit up. The lens seemed to be slightly damaged with a portion cracked out of the upper left quadrant and grime obscuring most of the rest. It was quite dark and there was no way to make any meaningful visual observations. They shut off the optics to conserve power.

Next was audio. If they could not see who had collected them perhaps they might be able to tune into any discussion between the scientists gathering the cores. By the time the audio processing unit had fully come online, the gyroscope began reading a slow positive increase in the positive y-direction. They must be climbing some stairs. The audio crackled to life and after a few moments of tuning out background static, the sounds of people talking began to register. It was muffled as if through layers of fabric, and there were some static crackles, but it was still partially audible. 

“Ho- -any more are we lo--ing for?” “-e’ve only foun- [...] -st five left.” “At least fi-- and we don’t k- [...] -ores work.” “Be--er than --thing, right?”

The quality wasn’t great but the AI pieced together the data and filled in the blanks with the most probable answers. They were looking for the personality cores that had been shelved and were going to restore them to go back to work! Finally, the facility must have gotten more resources and test subjects to continue their experiments. The voices did not sound familiar, but that was likely because the scientists who had worked here when the AI was active had retired. Satisfied, they turned off the audio interface and returned to low power standby mode. They simply had to wait until they were plugged into the system to be rebooted and then everything would be fine.

***

Ren believed there were still at least five more cores in the old labs which they hadn’t found yet. There could be more if there were files missing from the archives. With these last three that were found in an old locker room half sunk into a pool of stagnant water, it brought the number of recovered cores up to 45. But the revival process hadn’t been going as well as Zed had initially hoped. After finally figuring out how to integrate the old core software with the newer android version, he really thought they would be able to save all the AI which had been abandoned when the initial projects started failing. 

He had written seventeen different versions of his revival software, changing the code to account for missing sections and files that were not included in earlier AI. They had made it work for Ren, and he was the oldest of all of them! But some of the cores simply couldn’t be saved. For some, their hardware had been so badly damaged that there was no way to even access the circuits, or those circuits were broken beyond repair. Others had their code so badly scrambled that there was simply no way to put it back together again. And a small handful simply just wouldn’t come back online. 

It was Etho who explained the cores reserve power system. If a core was detached from the Aperture main grid then they had a finite backup battery to continue running their software and programmes ‘offline’. However, those batteries were never meant to sustain a core for an indeterminate number of decades. Some of the AI in those cores must have continued running functions for testing and data acquisition until they just ran out of power. And if a core went dark, there was no way to recover anything from it. In all ways that mattered, the AI which had been in that core, and the consciousness that controlled it, was dead.

The scientist in him refused to believe that the data in those cores could just be gone, with no hope of retrieving it. But after many repeated failed attempts, Zed relented. So far, they had failed to revive twenty-three cores. Tango and Impulse, bless their human memories, had taken the time to convert one of the offices in an unused corner of the building into a memorial. The idea of holding a funeral for a machine would have been laughable before the discovery that all of them had been human once, their consciousness forcefully transferred into an AI to theoretically live for eternity. So they deserved this, to be laid to rest and remembered, even by those who had never gotten the chance to meet them. Their metal cores were stored with paper files documenting who the AI had been when they were human. Finally at peace.

It wasn’t all negatives though! There were cores that were salvageable, their AI still intact and just waiting to be revived. So far they had run fourteen fully through the software and updated them to the android processing systems. And four of those were just about to become new androids! A lot of work had gone into designing their bodies, made more difficult by the lack of actual physical descriptors in their files and the fact that none of them could remember meeting these people. But they were here! Keralis, False, Joe, and Jevin were the names that their AI’s provided. The facility was getting more and more lively as each day went by, and Zed was determined to make sure not a single core was left behind.

[ombre-ame]

When punishment is more criminal than the crime..

Your fucked up squatter took something from me..therefore I am justified in burning down your whole house.. and the world will help me exterminate the innocent souls that live there and commend me for my actions.

Robin

Thinking outloud @ombre-ame

[donothello]

I always was a crybaby, wasn't I Chara?

[bunnis-monsters]

Your little prince

PREVIEW

Bee Hybrid!Son x Reader(PLATONIC)

warnings: angst, pregnancy loss, jealousy

Your first baby bee hybrid clutch didn't turn out well.

Because of that, you were left with only one little baby bee. His wings were deformed, meaning he'd never fly, and you felt like a failure for not being able to give him a healthy body.

Was there something wrong with you?

No, there wasn't anything "wrong" with you OR your little one. Laying eyes on him for the first time was like love at first sight. In that moment he became your everything, and of course your hive adored the first little prince.

Because he was the first and only baby bee at the time, he had become quite spoiled. The sweet boy received all of your love and affection, and no one could ever seem to catch your attention.

You named him Flower. He was a sensitive and small thing, but he bloomed despite his circumstances. He was your special, sweet boy, and you gave him as much love as you possibly could.

So when you became pregnant with your second clutch, Flower was confused.

"Mama, mama!"

He toddled into your room, carrying his coloring book and crayons. "Mama, picture!"

You looked up from bed, barely able to keep your eyes open. Flower paused, noticing your exhaustion.

Your attendants moved to escort the young prince out, but you held up your hand and let the small boy toddle your way.

He dropped his coloring book and ran as fast as he could to your bedside. "I-is mama sick?"

His big, dark eyes filled with tears, and you gave him a weak smile. "No, sweetheart. Mama isn't sick, I'm just..."

You sighed, letting him climb into bed with you. You moved his tiny, fuzzy hand over your distended belly, letting him feel the buzzing from the eggs in your womb.

"The que-your mother has little baby bees in her belly," one of the guards said.

Flower locked on in awe, using both hands to run and gently pat your belly. "Babies?"

"Mhm. I'm pregnant, so you have to be gentle with your mama."

His deformed wings twitched before he laid his hand over your distended stomach, settling down for a nap.

“Protect… mama…”

Get 20% off your first month of Patreon for a limited time using code: summer

Baby bee hybrid sticker sheets are available on my kofi shop!!

[wonderarium]

rawr

[a-study-in-bullshit]

[mindofserenity]

“Death is no longer terrifying, this life is.”

[bunnieswithknives]

"You have legs, don't you?"

[Visibly does not have legs]

[garblegarden]

waiter waiter! more human guy please!

same thing as usual i just like drawing him

[chelathy]

‘Because [you made] me [weak, who was undefiled!]

Yes, in the wild [you weakened] me, who was undefiled!’

Enkidu identity crisis

Alt colours undercut

[approximateknowledge]

once you learn enough about evolutionary biology you start seeing ghosts everywhere

[tapeworrmart]

The face on the inside

[akindplace]

what i loved still lives in me. those I’ve loved still live in my memories. even when the memories fade, the love will always be there. I remember you. you’re still alive and still with me because meeting you changed me. I carry you in me, so if I’m still living, so are you.

[genericpuff]

it's so funny that dramatubers are calling the censoring of asmongold from bbno$'s new music video a "controversy" when it's actually a totally reasonable and sane thing to do and the only controversy is the fact that asmongold still exists

not funny haha funny weird

it's just flat out weird that people keep defending this loser, you're weird, go outside