#lost a dear friend for incredibly stupid reasons. honestly shocking that i have to say this tbh

[doomcunt]

friendly reminder that if you’re into incest or support people fetishizing incest block and unfollow me

[claudia1829things]

"LOST" (3.15) "Left Behind" Commentary

"LOST" RETROSPECT - (3.15) "Left Behind"

Have you ever watched a movie or television episode and had maintained an opinion of it for years? Only to change your mind after an umpteenth viewing of it? That is what happened to me after a recent rewatch of the "LOST" Season Three episode, (3.15) "Left Behind"

I might as well begin with the episode's "B" plot. This featured a "B" plot that involved Oceanic survivors Hugo "Hurley" Reyes and James "Sawyer" Ford. Following the events of the previous episode, (3.14) "Exposé", Hurley informs Sawyer that the rest of survivors are in the middle of a debate on whether to banish the Alabama-born con man from the camp. Hurley reminds Sawyer about the benefits of living within a society and suggests that Sawyer start making efforts to make amends for his past actions.

All I have to say is . . . who had written this episode? Honestly. For years, I thought it was a decent, but not exactly mind-blowing episode. But after this latest viewing, I honestly do not know what to think of it. I might as well start with the "B" plot. What can I say? I found it annoying and pointless. It is not that I had any sympathy for Sawyer at this point in the series. I did not. I did not care for Sawyer until Season Five. If Hurley believed the Oceanic camp needed a leader to fulfill the absence of Jack, Sayid and John Locke; he should have stepped up and volunteered for the role, himself. If he was capable of pushing or manipulating Sawyer into stepping into the leadership role, he was capable of assuming the role of leader himself. Instead, Hurley pulled this stupid con job in order to manipulate Sawyer into assuming the role. All this plot managed to achieve was solidify my belief that Hurley was definitely a man child . . . at least through most of the series' run.

Since "Left Behind" happened to be a Kate-centric episode, I might as start with her flashback. In it, Kate meets Sawyer's old flame (at least two-to-three years before she met him on the island), Cassidy Phillips, while the latter was attempting to sell questionable jewelry. Kate comes to her aid before a potential customer could inform the cops. After Cassidy guesses that Kate, who was a fugitive, also did not want to attract the cops; the two women become fast friends. Cassidy agrees to help Kate distract the local law enforcement and U.S. Marshal Edward Mars, so that the fugitive could contact her mother, a waitress at an Iowa road cafe Diane Janssen. You see . . . Kate wanted to know why dear old Mom had ratted her to the cops after she had murdered her father.

I rather liked Cassidy and it was good to see her again after her previous appearance in a Sawyer flashback from Season Two. But I found Kate's agenda very annoying. Why on earth would she be shocked at her mother's decision to inform the police about her murder? Was the audience really expected to sympathize with Kate over Diane's action . . . and becoming perplexed about it? Because I still feel no sympathy for Kate. Audiences learned in the Season Two episode that Kate had murdered her father, Wayne Janssen, in (2.09) "What Kate Did". Diane had a very good reason for snitching on Kate. As she had reminded the latter, Kate had cold-bloodedly murdered Diane's husband, blew up her house and committed insurance fraud to cover up the fact that a murder had been committed. Worse, Kate had lied about the real reason she killed Wayne. She had killed him for her own personal and selfish reason. And yet, in the end, Kate had decided not to forgive her mother for ratting her out? Fuck that! Diane had a chance to rat her out a second time in this episode. Only she did not bother. Kate had her good moments as an individual, but her complaints about Diane in this episode only convinced me how incredibly selfish and delusional she could be.

I finally come to the episode's main plot. While being held captive by the Others for less than a day at their compound, Kate Austen peaks out of a house and spots the group packing to leave. Seconds later, someone tosses a gas cannister, which knocks her out. Some time passes before Kate regains conscious and finds herself handcuffed to the Others' rogue member, Dr. Juliet Burke. Kate is not particularly fond of Juliet, due to the latter being an Other and for developing a close friendship with the Oceanic survivors' leader, Dr. Jack Shephard. While Kate insists upon returning to the Barracks to find another Oceanic captive, Sayid Jarrah, and Jack; Juliet insists upon heading for the Oceanic beach camp. The pair experience a series of adventures involving an encounter with the island entity, "the Smoke Monster", while arguing over Jack and the reason behind Juliet's estrangement from the Others.

I have a question. Why did Kate ask Juliet what the latter had done to piss off Ben and the Others? Juliet had murdered Pickett - right before Kate's eyes - in order to save her and Sawyer. Had she experienced memory loss or something? Had Damon Lindelof and Elizabeth Sarnoff really concocted this ridiculous plot to handcuff Juliet to Kate? According to a later episode, Ben had conceived this handcuff plan. But why? Hold on. I know why. Ben had expected Juliet to use this situation to gain Kate's trust - and through the latter, the Oceanic castaways' trust. Yet again, WHY? All Juliet had to do was agree with Kate's plan to return to the Barracks. Both would have easily found Jack. After all, she had managed to gain his sympathy and friendship during his captivity with the Others. It seemed so pointless to handcuff Juliet to Kate and try to gain her trust. This whole scenario struck me as unnecessary and infantile. As for the catfight in the rain? Very sexist and I suspect, typical of this series' showrunners. And Juliet's encounter with the Smoke Monster? Pointless, because she never encountered it again.

Looking back on my recent rewatch of "Left Behind", I cannot believe I had accepted it as a tolerable episode that could pass muster. Because I find it difficult to accept this . . . at least now. There were too many idiotic plot points and situations for me to regard it as nothing more than an example of one of the less than exemplary episodes from "LOST".

[aminiatureworld]

Needled Words

Characters: Childe, fm!reader

Word Count: 1,691

Warnings: Swearing

Premise: When does a joke go too far, when is a jab more than just friendly? Where does the line blur and where does it stop?

In which Childe’s teasing becomes too much for the reader

Author’s Note: For some reason this prompt made me think of Nancy Mitford, mostly because she was known also for being a slightly mean-spirited teaser. Ah Childe, my beloved. Communication in a relationship is key y’all.

Childe

You knew that Childe was only joking. After all, didn’t he read his letters to you? Brimming with little asides and jokes.

“Dear Tonia, I would say I was happy to get your letter, if only it was sopping wet. Did you leave it out in the snow again? I swear, if you were in the illustrious Tsaritsa’s army, you’d probably end up attacking your own regiment, and then I’d be forced to execute you for treason!” No one could mistake such an opening for anything except a slightly barbed bit of teasing.

Nor were the younger one’s exempt. Teucer’s antics had resulted in quite a bit of teasing. “Teucer, I think the Mr. Cyclopses have better survival instincts” and “I didn’t take you for someone who spent other people’s money!” This latter statement was made after Teucer spied the hand-crafted, very expensive, fireworks that were sold in Liyue. Of course, Childe had bought him the fireworks, and of course he never begrudged doing things for you when he teased you either. Still, you somehow felt as if things were different when directed at you.

Not that they really were. It wasn’t so much that you were picking up a different tone, it was more that, unlike Childe’s siblings and other friends, such as Zhongli, who was subjected to endless old man jokes, you couldn’t seem to take them well. When he joked about how many times you ran into the countertop you began to wonder if you truly had something wrong with your hand-eye coordination; when he said you were the laziest person, he’d ever met you wondered if you weren’t sleeping in too late; when he teased that he had to be your personal babysitter you wondered if you were truly good enough to be an adventurer. It wasn’t Childe’s fault, it really wasn’t, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

Of course, you could tell him, could finally let it all out and stop pretending that it wasn’t painful to try and keep all your emotion sunder wraps. But you couldn’t help but feel as if that would in some ways disappoint him. He was a Harbinger, tough, aloof. No words could ever hurt Childe, of that, you were sure. So how would he take it, the knowledge that his part was all too liable to shatter at every poke and prod? You couldn’t blame him if he turned out to be ashamed.

So, you kept it to yourself, smiled through all the jabs and teases. It didn’t matter, it really didn’t. You were fine! Or if you, weren’t it wasn’t worth it trying to change anything. You didn’t want to lose Childe, didn’t want to see the change when he went to say something before stopping, looking at you’re with barely concealed disappointment. Childe lived with his emotions to the forefront after all. And you wouldn’t ask him to change something you ultimately loved about him.

Thus, the days continued on, as did the teasing and the feigned smiles. Some days it was worth it, some days you were left with nothing but happiness bubbling up inside, the love that humans reserved for a very few number of friends and lovers. Yet those days were often days with minimal teasing, and you couldn’t help but notice the layer of anxiety that pressed on your love the days that were filled with Childe’s jabs. Lying in bed, limbs tangled with his, you stared up at the ceiling, wondering what you should do. You felt trapped, by your emotions, by your pride, by Childe’s words. They were all encircling you, and you could do nothing to defend yourself. You tried to keep the tears to a minimum; after all your partner slept so little already.

You didn’t know when the subtle shift happened, when it all became too much to handle. Maybe it was after Childe’s recent trip to Snezhnaya, where, surrounded by Harbingers who saw their coworkers as enemies rather than allies, he had sharpened his wit even more so than before. If his earlier teasing was unfocused, general quips, then his current ones struck quite closer to home.

“Wow my dear I didn’t peg you for a Treasure Hoarder, I don’t think that arrow could hit anyone if it tried!”

“I think you truly have the makings of someone who gets scammed by a Mondstadtian duke, or perhaps a Fontaine prince who has lost all his mora in a flood. Remind me to never go shopping with you.”

“Honestly, I think if you ran into the Electro Archon, she’d think your vision was fake. It’d be an easy way out.”

The whiplash of Childe’s proclamations of “princess” mingled with sentences that, had they been geared at anyone else, would surely be insults was shocking, and you found yourself less and less able to keep these two aspects of your partner compatible in your mind. Even less did you find the ability to simply brush it off.

You didn’t know why it was a comment about your socks that finally caused you to break. Really, it was too juvenile.

Laundry in your shared apartment was often seen as a punishment, the chore that each of you pushed onto the other. As such there was often a pile of laundry in the laundry basket, and incredibly slim pickings in your drawers. That being the case you often found yourself wearing mismatched socks. Perhaps it was a little odd, or a little childish, but it was certainly preferrable to spending all day at the river scrubbing your hands red. Who cared anyways? No one would notice such a small thing, especially once you had put your boots on.

However, nothing could get past Childe’s wicked sense of humor, and apparently your clothing choices were prime fodder for him.

“Nice socks.”

“Oh, thanks,” you replied, already having a sense of where it was going. The smirk that played across your partner’s face was full of mischief, and usually that only led to one place.

“I think that you’ll be quite the icon among toddlers all throughout Liyue. People will be asking you if you’re lost all day, or maybe they’ll ask you how it feels like to be nine.”

It was really a silly comment to get so upset over, such a small, insignificant thing to cry over. Yet there you were, standing in the kitchen, frozen in horror as your vision became fuzzy with tears. Unsure about any other course of action you buried your face in your hands and prayed Childe wouldn’t think about what you were doing.

“What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

You could hear the panic and concern mingling in Childe’s voice. Almost immediately a warm hand was on your shoulder, and you were suddenly flooded with the presence of the person you loved so much, the person you were now crying about. You could tell Childe was saying something, was whispering soft words of comfort, but in the moment your thoughts felt all too loud. Overwhelmed by the situation you turned into your partner’s shoulder and let yourself cry.

Eventually sensing you had lost all your tears Childe drew back slightly.

“Would you like a glass of water?”

“Yes please,” you replied, voice still small. Nodding Childe moved towards the kitchen. Within a few moments he was back, glass in hand.

“Was it the teasing?” He asked as you drank. Whatever you had to say about your partner, he certainly wasn’t stupid.

“Yes,” you mumbled, nodding for affect.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I had gone too far. I promise I’ll be more careful from now on.”

“But Childe, it, it’s not just this time.”

“What do you mean?” Childe asked, voice flooding through with concern once more.

“It’s, I’m sorry, it’s just that, it’s all the time. Not all the time, every time you tease me. It’s not your fault! Of course, it’s not, it’s my fault. I don’t know, I just, it really hurts sometimes, all the time? I don’t know. I just, I’m sorry.”

Childe’s expression was one of abject horror. Taking your hand, he rubbed small circles on the top with his thumb. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how much it was affecting you. I should have been more careful.”

“But I don’t want you to feel like you have to, I don’t know, I know you tease everyone, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You aren’t making me uncomfortable.” Childe’s voice seemed just as hurried as yours. “It makes me more uncomfortable to think that you’ve been burying this the whole time. You’re damn good at hiding things you know. But this isn’t a war or something, you don’t have to hide what you’re feeling, for whatever reason. Better if you tell me, y’know?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Doesn’t look good on you, or sound good. I’d rather hear you happy.” Childe leaned in to press a soft kiss against your forehead. “I love you, okay? You mean more to me than a little bit of teasing.”

“You don’t think I’m being weak?” You managed to make out as your anxiety lessened its grip on you.

“Weak? Girlie you’re one of the strongest people I know! Weak my ass. If you wanted to rule the world you could give me a run for my money. Of course, I’d win though. I mean, I would be there right with you.”

“I know you would,” you smiled, despite yourself.

You knew that Childe probably would still retain the odd sense of humor and levity he already had. Old habits die hard and all that. Still, you had managed to say what had been haunting you all this time and, more than that, you had been assured that you were good enough, strong enough. Those few words, no matter how short, meant the world to you.

[fanfics4all]

Tri-Wizard Tournament

Request: Yes / No  Hello! I love your writing and was wondering if you're taking requests for harry potter? If so I was wondering if you could write a cedric diggory x sibling reader/ draco x reader where the reader basically goes though everything cedric went through in the movie and just lots of angst and fluff and stuff! I understand if you don't get to this, thanks love!♡ (Btw the reader can be any house!) Anon

Don’t be shy, request things! <3 Have a nice day/night

Draco Malfoy x Fem!Diggory!Reader

Word count: 5415

Warnings: Death and sadness!

Y/N: Your Name 

Y/N/N: Your NickName

A/N: This is my first attempt at a Harry Potter fic! Let me know what you guys think, also sorry it’s so long! 

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK, I WORK HARD ON MY FICS AND IT’S NOT COOL TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK! 

If you want to be on the tag list for anything (My series fics, specific character fics, or just all of them) All you have to do is send me an ask and I will add you! 

Masterlist 

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

Back at Hogwarts, home sweet home. We were all settled in at our tables and I smiled at my brother from across the room. I was upset when I wasn’t put in the same house as my slightly older brother Cedric, but I was happy with Ravenclaw. I then glanced over at my boyfriend Draco Malfoy. People were a little shocked that he was with someone from another house, but I was also a Pure-blood, something his parents were very happy with. My family on the other hand weren’t the happiests, but they tried not to bother me about it. 

Everyone was chatting about their summers and catching up with friends. Dumbledor got up and quieted everyone down. It took a moment, but the room was soon quiet. 

“Now we’re all settled in and sorted, I’d like to make an announcement. This castle will not only be your home this year, but home to some very special guests as well. You see Hogwarts has been chosen…” He was cut off by Filch running up to him and whispering something to him. He ran off and Dumbledor stood up straight again. 

“So Hogwarts has been chosen to host a legendary event. The Tri-Wizard tournament. Now for those of you who do not know, the Tri-Wizard tournament brings together three schools for a series of magical contests. From each school a single contestant is selected to compete. Now let me be clear, if chosen you stand alone. And trust me when I say these contests are not for the faint hearted, but more on that later. For now please join me in welcoming the lovely ladies of the Beauxbatons Academy of Magic and their headmistress Madam Maxime.” He said and the doors opened. Girls dressed in blue came in dancing and butterflies flew into the air. They got to the front and bowed, the guys stared in awe as the girls glared at them. I took a glance at Draco and he was also staring, I sent him a glare. He noticed me and quickly looked down. I rolled my eyes, boys… 

“And now our friends from the north, please greet the proud sons of Drumstrang and the high master Igor Karkaroff.” Dumbledor said and the doors opened once again. A bunch of strong looking guys walked in and the girls started staring, while the boys glared. I couldn’t help myself, Draco sent me a glare and I gave him a sorrowful smile. He rolled his eyes and started glaring at the guys that just walked in. Everyone sat down and the feast began. 

Once everyone ate, Dumbledor stood up once again.

“Your attention please!” He called gaining everyone’s attention. 

“I would like to saw a few words. Eternal glory, that is what awaits the student who wins the Tri-Wizard tournament. But to do this that student must survive three tasks. Three extremely dangerous tasks. For this reason the Ministry has seen fit to impose a new rule. To explain all this we have the head of the Department of International Magic Cooperation, Mister Bartimus Crouch.” He introduced and a man stood up. Suddenly thunder roared through the room and it started raining. People started screaming and panicking, I looked around confused. Someone casted a spell and I looked over to see Mad-Eye Moody standing off to the side. 

“My dear old friend, thanks for coming.” Dumbledore greeted him. 

“That stupid roof.” He grumbled back and took a drink. 

“After much deliberation the ministry has concluded that for their own safety no student under the age of seventeen shall be allowed to put forth their name for the Tri-Wizard Tournament. This decision is final.” Mr. Crouch said. Everyone that was under seventeen started booing and causing a fuss. I didn’t care, seeing as I could still participate. 

“Silence!” Dumbledore boomed. He casted a spell and the box that was behind him revealed a goblet with blue flames. 

“The Goblet of Fire. Anyone wishing to submit themselves for the tournament merely write their name upon a piece of parchment and throw it in the flame before this hour of Thursday night. Do not do so lightly, if chosen there’s no turning back. And from this moment the Tri-Wizard Tournament has begun!” He said. 

As soon as we were sent to our houses, everyone walked out. Draco pulled me to the side and his eyes narrowed at me. 

“What was that about?” He asked and I raised a brow at him. 

“I’m sorry?” I asked. 

“I saw you staring at those guys.” He growled and I scoffed. 

“You were staring at those girls.” I pointed out. 

“I-I wasn’t-”

“Merlin, Draco, I saw you don’t even try and lie to me. You were bloody drooling over them.” I said rolling my eyes.

“And you weren’t?” He scoffed. 

“Draco please, this is ridiculous.” I said. 

“You’re mine.” He growled and I smirked at him. 

“I know love.” I said and walked off. 

A few days later I was walking to the Goblet to put my name in. As I was walking someone grabbed me to stop me. I turned around to see my brother. 

“What are you doing?” He asked. 

“Putting my name in the Goblet, obviously.” I said. 

“No, it’s dangerous.” He said and I noticed he too had his name on a piece of parchment. 

“So? You’re putting your name in.” I said. 

“I’m older.” He said and I rolled my eyes. 

“By a year Ced, I’m putting my name in.” I said turning back around, but he stopped me once again. 

“No way! You’re going to get hurt.” He said. 

“Ced, I love you, but I’m doing this. I’m not scared.” I said and he shook his head. 

“Please don’t do this.” He begged. 

“I won’t if you won’t.” I said. 

“But-” 

“That’s what I thought.” I said turning on my heel and walking into the room. Everyone cheered when they saw Cedric and he was loving it. He put his name in the Goblet and again they cheered. I walked up and placed my name in, smiling at my brother. He shook his head at me and I heard people whispering about how I was crazy for putting my name in. The Weasley twins came running in and all attention was on them now. I slipped out of the room and was walking back to my common room. Again some grabbed me and I turned to see Draco. 

“Have you lost it?” He asked and I sighed. 

“Not you too…” I groaned. 

“Did you not hear how it’s dangerous? What if something happens to you?” He asked. 

“I’m not afraid, I want to do this.” I said and he shook his head. 

“No, this is crazy!” He said and I rolled my eyes. 

“Imagine if I win, how incredible would that be? I’d be a legend!” I said. 

“You’re sure you want to do this?” He asked after a moment. 

“Can’t really take it back now, but yes I really do.” I said and he sighed. 

“I’m still going to hope you don’t get picked.” He said and I smiled. 

“Do that all you want love, but I’ll be hoping for the opposite.” I said and kissed him. 

It was finally Thursday and I was so anxious and excited. Everyone was gathered in the Goblet room, waiting for the names to be announced. 

“Sit down please.” Dumbledore called into the room. Everyone quieted down and looked on with both excitement and anxiousness. 

“And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the champions selection!” He said. He walked over to the Goblet and the blue flame turned red, then spit out the first name. 

“The Durmstrang champion is, Viktor Krum!” He announced and the Durmstrang boys cheered. The flame turned red again and another name came out. 

“The champion from Beauxbatons, Fleur Delacour!” He announced. The girl cheer as Fleur walked up. The flame was once again red and the last name came out. 

“The Hogwarts champion, Y/N Diggory!” He announced and I smiled, getting up. I walked down, took my name, and followed the other two into the other room. 

That was the start of the tournament. It was all normal, except instead of three champions there were four, the great Harry Potter somehow got his name in the Goblet. People were rooting for me to win over Harry. They were insulting him nonstop and I honestly felt bad. Everyone seemed to be wearing bandages someone made, all insulting Harry. Currently I was hanging out with my brother and friends, they were insulting Harry, but my brother and I were staying out of it, mostly. Cedric was laughing at their jokes and insults, while I was sitting there a bit uncomfortable. I sat on the bench and noticed Harry walking our way. 

“Can I have a word?” He asked me and I nodded. We walked away from our friends and my friends were trying to call me back, but I ignored them. 

“Dragons. That’s the first task. They’ve got one for each of us.” He said and my eyes widened. 

“Are you serious? And the others, Fleur and Krum, do they…?” I trailed off. 

“Yes.” He answered. 

“Right, hey Harry, listen about the badges. I had nothing to do with it, I’ve asked them not to wear it, but-”

“Don’t worry about it.” He said cutting me off and walking off. I sighed and shook my head. I feel so bad… I turned to go back to my friend, but someone’s voice stopped me. 

“Why so tense Potter? My father and I have a bet you see. I don’t think you’re gonna last ten minutes in this tournament. He disagrees. He thinks you won’t last five.” Draco teased with a laugh. 

“I don’t give a damn what you or your Father thinks Malfoy. He’s vile and cruel, and you’re just pathetic.” Harry said to him and I sighed. This wasn’t going to end well… I turned back around to see Harry walking off and Draco getting ready to cast a jinx most likely. Mad-Eye walks over and turned Draco into a ferret. 

“Draco!” I called and rushed over to the scene. 

“I’ll teach you to cast when someone’s back is turned.” Mad-Eye growled. 

“Professor Moody, what are you doing?” Professor McGonagall asked walking over as well. 

“Teaching.” Mad-Eye answered. 

“Is that a student?” She asked, shocked. 

“Technically it’s a ferret.” He answered. He then sent him into Crabbe’s pants. Goyle tried to pull him out but apparently Draco bit him. Everyone was laughing and I glared at my brother for being one of them. Draco ends up on the ground and McGonagall turns him back. 

“My Father will hear about this!” Draco shouted. 

“Is that a threat?” Mad-Eye growled holding up his wand and Draco runs off. I glare at the crazy professor and run after him. 

“Draco!” I call and he stops running. 

“Are you alright?” I asked, gently grabbing his face. 

“That was utterly humiliating.” He groaned. 

“I’m sorry love, but I’m sure everyone will forget about it tomorrow when the tournament really starts.” I said, offering him a smile. 

“Then I just have to worry about you.” He said with a sigh. 

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.” I said and kissed him. 

Everyone was pacing around the tent waiting for things to start. We heard the roars of the dragons and that only raised our anxiety. Cedric had stopped by wishing me luck and telling me to be careful, same with Draco, but they left soon after. Soon enough Dumbledore walked in with others following him. 

“Good day champions. Gather round please.” He said and we all gathered in a circle. 

“Now you’ve all waited, you’ve wondered, and at last the moment has arrived. The moment only four of you can fully appreciate.” He said and looked around at all of us. 

“What are you doing here Miss. Granger?” He asked when he noticed Hermione here, she had been visiting Harry. 

“Oh um… Sorry, I’ll just go.” She said awkwardly and slipped out. 

“Barty. The bag.” Dumbledore said and Mr. Crouch held open a bag. 

“Champions, in a circle around me. Miss. Delacour over here, Mr. Krum, and Potter over here.” He said moving us around slightly. 

“Right, Miss. Delacour, if you will…” He said holding the bag open for her. Flure reached in and took out a little green dragon. 

“The Welsh Green. Mr. Krum.” He said and Viktor took one out. 

“The Chinese Fireball. Oooooh.” He said. He moved to me and I pulled one out. 

“The Swedish Short-Snout. Which leaves…” He said and turned to Harry. He took out the last dragon. 

“The Hungarian Horntail. These represent very real dragons, each of which has been given a golden egg to protect. Your objective is simple, collect the egg. This you much do, for each egg contains a clue, without which you cannot hope to proceed to the next task. Any questions?” He asked and no one had any. 

“Very well. Good luck champions. Miss. Diggory the sound of the cannon…” Dumbledore was cut off by Filch firing the cannon. Everyone was cheering and I took a deep breath. Everyone left and I was getting ready to walk out. 

“Good luck.” Harry said and I smiled at him. 

“You as well.” I said and walked through the tent. I looked around at everyone and suddenly didn’t feel nervous. The dragon crawled out and cried into the air. I needed to think quickly and pulled out my wand. I casted the transfiguration spell and turned one of the rocks into a dog to try and distract the dragon. Lucky for me it worked and I rushed for the egg. I was just about to grab it when flames engulfed part of my face. I shrieked in pain, but dove for the egg anyway. I held it up and people came and got a hold of the dragon. I was quickly brought to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey was quick to help me. My brother, Father, and Draco were the first to visit me. 

“Y/N/N, are you alright?” Cedric asked, rushing over to me. 

“I’m find Ced, it’s just a little burn. Nothing that can’t be fixed, right Madam Pomfrey?” I asked and she smiled at me. 

“That’s correct.” She said finishing up. 

“It’ll take a few days to heal, but you’ll be good as new.” She said and I smiled. 

“Thank you.” I said and she left to go treat other students. 

“I told you you shouldn’t have done this.” Both Draco and Cedric said at the same time. 

“At least you two can agree on something.” I said rolling my eyes. My Father laughed and smiled at me. 

“She’ll be fine you two, She’s strong.” He said and I smiled. 

“Thanks Dad, at least you understand.” I said. 

The next few days I was in recovery, and I never heard the end of how dangerous the tournament was from both Draco and my brother. When I was finally better and out of the hospital wing we had the whole day off from classes. Professor Flitwick gathered all the Ravenclaws up and we were separated by boys and girls. He was telling us about the Yule Ball and how on Christmas Eve night everyone would gather in the great hall for the party. He informed me as well as everyone that I would be having the first dance along with the other champions. So today was our dance lesson. It was honestly great to learn and I couldn’t stop thinking about how Draco was going to ask me. 

Over the next week I was waiting for Draco to ask me, but he hasn’t yet. I’ve had a few other guys ask me, but I politely declined. I was sitting on the edge of the fountain trying to figure out a way to open this stupid egg without it blasting my eardrums out. 

“Y/N?” I looked up to see Draco walking over to me. He looked nervous, but I gave him a smile. 

“Hello love.” I said. He smiled, but pulled out a box from behind his back and handed it to me. 

“What’s this?” I asked, 

“Open it.” He said and I undid the perfectly done green bow. I took the top off the silver colored box and gasped. Inside was a pair of emerald earrings and a sapphire necklace. 

I looked up at him in both awe and confusion. 

“Will you do me the honor of being my date to the Yule Ball?” He asked and I hopped up, attacking him in a hug. 

“Of course Draco! Also these are beautiful.” I said looking back down at the box. 

“I didn’t know if you had a dress already, but if not was I hoping I could convince you to wear a green one?” He asked and I smiled. 

“Sorry love, I already have one. My Mother sent me a dress. It’s blue and silver, but I will still gladly wear these earrings.” I said and gave him a peck. 

“I’m sure you’ll look beautiful.” He said and kissed me deeper. 

“Draco, stop, I really need to work on getting this egg open.” I said, pushing him away with a smile. 

“Come on love, you could use a break from this stupid egg.” He said wrapping his arms around my waist. 

“I just want to know how to open this damn thing.” I said with a sigh. 

A few weeks went by and it was finally time for the Yule Ball. I got dressed and put on the jewelry that Draco had gotten for me. I did a blue and silver eye makeup with winged eyeliner, and finished the look off with a nude pink tinted lip. 

I smiled at myself in the mirror. I looked amazing… I walked down to the great hall. Everyone stared at me in awe and Draco smiled at me. He met me at the bottom of the steps and kissed my hand. 

“You look beautiful love. Absolutely perfect.” He said and I blushed. 

“You look very handsome too, Draco.” I said. 

“Shall we?” He asked, offering me his arm. 

“We shall.” I said taking it. We walked over to the entrance. Professor McGonagall placed us in order and we waited for the cue to walk in. Soon we were motioned to enter and we walked in to everyone clapping and cheering. Each of us got in position and waited for the music to start. Draco and I were dancing expertly and soon other people joined in. 

The night was filled with dancing, laughter, and eating. Draco and I have been inseparable all night. The Weird Sisters even performed some songs, it was a perfect night. Draco had pulled me away and ran to an empty hall. He suddenly stopped and pushed me against the wall.

“I hate seeing them stare.” He growled in my ear. 

“Everyone knows I’m yours, Draco.” I said with a sly smile. 

“They will.” He whispered and started kissing my neck, obviously leaving marks. I bit my lip to keep from moaning. 

“Draco stop! Someone will catch us.” I said, trying to push him off. He finally stopped and gave me a smirk. 

“Now we can go back.” He said and started walking back to the ball. 

“You tease.” I grumbled and followed him. 

“You know you love it.” He said putting his arms around my waist. 

The next day I needed to relax after all the dancing, my feet were killing me. I went to the fifth floor prefects bathroom, the best bathroom in my opinion. I brought the stupid egg with me becuase I still couldn’t open it without it screeching. I filled the large tub and slipped in with the egg in my hands. 

“You stupid egg, what on earth am I going to do with you?” I asked myself. I looked at the water and suddenly got an idea. 

“Worth a shot.” I mumbled and pushed it under the water. I held my breath and followed under it. 

“Come seek us where our voices sound. We cannot sing above the ground. An hour long you’ll have to look, to recover what we took.” The voices sang. I returned to above water and thought about it for a bit. 

“So the next task is in the Black Lake and we only have an hour, but what are we retrieving?” I asked myself. 

“Guess I have to find a way to breathe underwater…” I sighed. I finished my bath and quickly went back to my room. 

I was walking around the grounds of Hogwarts trying to find Harry. He helped me with the first round, so now it was my turn to help him. Finally someone told me they saw him near the bridge. I rushed there and found him talking to Hermione. 

“Hey, Potter!” I called and he turned around. 

“Y/N.” He said. 

“How are you?” I asked. 

“Spectacular.” He said sarcastically. 

“Harry, listen, I realised I never properly thanked you for tipping me off about the dragons.” I said. 

“Forget about it. I’m sure you would have done the same for me.” He said. 

“Exactly! Which is why I’m telling you that you should take your egg underwater.” I said and he looked at me confused. 

“Trust me.” I said and walked off. I walked to the library to try and find something to help me breath under water. I was studying when someone sat down next to me. I looked up and saw Draco. 

“What are you doing, love?” He asked. 

“Trying to think of a way to breathe underwater.” I sighed. 

“Would you like me to help?” He offered. 

“That’d be helpful, thank you.” I said pushing a book to him. The two of us were looking for anything, but so far nothing that would last an hour or longer. 

“Hey Y/N/N, Malfoy, what are you doing?” Cedric asked, walking over to us, he narrowed his eyes at Draco. 

“Trying to find a way to breathe underwater.” I groaned. 

“What about the bubble charm?” He said and my eyes lit up. 

“I totally forgot about that! Ced, you’re the best! I said, jumping up and hugged him. 

“Anything for my little sis.” He said with a chuckle. 

“Mr. Malfoy, Professor McGonagall needs you in her office.” Miss. Pince said. 

“Um alright?” He said, confused. I gave him a peck and he left. 

“Would you help me put these away?” I asked my brother and he nodded. We talked about the tournament and he once again was telling me how I shouldn’t be doing this. 

The next day the Weasley twins were taking bets on who would win this task. I was walking with my brother, trying to look around for Draco. I haven’t seen him since the library last night… I was playing with my hands, something I did when I was nervous and Cedric noticed. 

“Hey, everything’s gonna be fine.” He said, grabbing one of my hands. 

“I know.” I said. We finally made it to the lake and everyone was ready to start. 

“Welcome to the second task! Last night something was stolen from each of our champions. A treasure of sorts. These four treasures, one for each champion, now lie on the bottom of the Black Lake. In order to win each champion need only find their treasure and return to the surface. Simple enough. Except for this, they will only have one hour to do so and one hour only. After that they’ll be on their own.” Dumbledore’s voice boomed. 

“You may begin at the start of the cannon.” He continued and once again Filch fired the cannon. We all jumped in and I quickly casted the bubble charm. I started swimming around trying to find whatever this treasure was. After a bit I heard some singing and quickly swam towards it. When I got there I saw Draco tied down by his ankle and my eyes widened. Harry was also there staring confused at the four people, but there wasn’t time for that. I quickly casted a spell to break the rope on Draco and grabbed him. I looked at Harry and tapped my watch that Cedric let me borrow. He nodded and I swam to the surface. We both got on the platform and people handed us towles right away. He coughed and then looked at me. 

“You’re alright.” I said and kissed him. Cedric ran over and hugged me tightly. 

“Y/N! You did it!” He said excitedly and I smiled. I did, I came in first! Soon Krum and Harry joined us and the judges went to go discusses something. 

“Attention! Attention! The winner is Miss. Diggory!” Dumbledore announced and Draco gathered me in his arms. 

“I knew you could do it!” He said and kissed me. 

“For showing unique command of the bubblehead charm. The way I see it, Mr. Potter would have finished first had it not been for his determination to rescue not only Mr. Weasley but the others as well. We’ve agreed to award him second place! For outstanding moral fibre.” Dumbledore said and his friends cheered. After that we all returned to land and all we had was the last task. That night I celebrated with my friends and family for my great achievement. 

Finally it was time for the last task. I was nervous once again, but I knew I needed to push through it. I walked into the large arena with my Father and everyone was cheering. My brother followed behind us and gave me a quick hug then wished me luck. Draco ran down the stands and pulled me to him. 

“Please be safe.” He whispered. 

“I promise, love. I’ll be out in no time.” I said smiling at him. 

“I love you.” He said and kissed me. 

“I love you too, now go back before they start it.” I said and he rushed back to his seat.  The music stopped and all eyes were on Dumbledore. 

“Earlier today Professor Moody placed the Tri-Wizards cup deep within the maze. Only he knows it’s exact position. Now as Miss. Diggory…” He was cut off by people cheering. 

“And Mr. Potter tied for first position they will be the first to enter the maze. Followed by Mr. Krum…” He was once again cut off by cheering. 

“The first person to touch the cup will be the winner. I’ve instructed the staff to patrol the perimeter, if at any point should a contestant wish to withdraw from the task he or shee need only sent up red sparks with their wands. Contestants, gather round. In the maze you’ll find not dragons or creatures of the deep. Instead you’ll face something more challenging. You see, people change in the maze. Oh find the cup if you can, but be very weary you could just lose yours;ves along the way.” He said and we looked at him a bit confused. 

“Champions! Prepare yourselves.” Mad-Eye shouted. I hugged my Dad and then moved to the beginning of the maze. 

“On the count of three… One…” Again, Filch fired early. Harry and I ran inside and now it was time to find the cup. There were so many noises and the maze really liked changing, this was gonna be harder than I thought…

I was running around trying desperately to find the end. Something felt wrong, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was walking through when the walls decided to change again. I ran so I wouldn’t get closed in and luckily made it through. However, Viktor was on the other side and he started attacking me. I tried hiding behind one of the walls and shot some jinx at him. He wouldn’t stop and he kept trying to come at me. Harry suddenly showed up between us and he looked at me confused. 

“Get down!” I shouted and he ducked his head. I finally hit him and I ran to finish the job. How dare he attack me! Harry ran between us and stopped me. 

“No stop! He’s bewitched Y/N!” He said and I tried to push him off me. 

“Get off me!” I shouted. 

“He’s bewitched!” He shouted again and I snapped out of it. I looked up and saw the cup, finally. I ran to the cup with Harry following me. I was so close, but something grabbed my leg and sent me tumbling to the ground. Harry looked back at me and saw me horribly stuck to the ground while being dragged backwards. 

“Harry! Harry!” I begged. Harry stopped and looked back at the cup, but decided to actually help me. He helped me up and I sighed in relief. 

“I thought you were gonna let it get me for a moment.” I said.

“For a moment, so did I.” He admitted and we both looked at the cup. 

“Some game, huh?” I said. 

“Some game.” He agreed. The wind started blowing hard once again and I tried to push Harry to the cup. 

“Go. Take it, you saved me!” I shouted over the wind. 

“Together, on three.” He said and I nodded. 

“One, two, three!” He said and we both grabbed it. 

Suddenly we were in a graveyard and not Hogwarts. I looked over to make sure Harry was still with me and he was. 

“You alright?” I asked. 

“Yeah, you?” He asked and I nodded. 

“Where are we?” I asked, confused. 

“I’ve been here before.” He said getting up. I went over to the cup to examine it. 

“It’s a portkey. Harry! The cup is a portkey!” I said 

“I’ve been here before in a dream. Y/N, we have to get back to the cup, now!” He shouted and I was even more confused. 

“What are you talking about?” I asked. Harry groaned in pain and held his scar. 

“What is it?” I asked, rushing over to him. 

“Get back to the cup!” He groaned in pain. Someone walked out from a building and he was holding something. 

“Who are you? What do you want?” I shouted while holding my wand up.

“Kill the spare.” Whatever he was holding said and blackness overtook me. 

Voldemort had returned to his full form and I watched as Harry battled him. I appeared to him along with a few others. 

“Harry, when the connection is broken you must get to the portkey. We can delay it for a moment to give you time but only a moment, do you understand?” A man that looked like him asked, I’m assuming it was his Father. 

“Harry, take my body back will you? Take my body to my family and tell Draco I’m so sorry and that I love him.” I said and he nodded. 

“Let go. Sweetheart you’re ready, let go! Let go!” A woman, I’m assuming his Mother said. Harry let go and we all rushed to Voldemort to distract him enough.

Draco’s POV

Potter had won. He was of course the one to win. I rolled my eyes at everyone cheering and glared at him. That’s when I noticed Y/N was on the ground with him. He was crying over her and she wasn’t moving… No… It can’t be! I ran down and pushed my way through the teachers. 

“Y/N! Y/N! No!” I cried as the cheering died down. 

“You! You did this to her!” I growled at Potter. 

“No! It was Voldemort. He’s back, he’s back! Voldemort’s back! Y/N, she asked me to bring her body back. I couldn’t just leave her, not there.” He cried and I felt my blood run cold. He couldn’t be back… That’s something to worry about another time. 

“S-She asked me to tell you that she’s sorry and that she loves you.” He said and I finally let the tears fall. 

“Y/N!” I cried and held her close to me. I tuned everything else out after that. I didn’t even notice when her family kneeled down beside me. She couldn’t be gone, she just couldn’t! How was I supposed to do anything without her here by my side? We were supposed to have a future together! She was supposed to live a full and happy life! I can’t do anything without her… She was my everything… 

Tag list: @les-bio-lie​ @tashy-bear​ @ashwarren32​ @hollie-blogs​ @schisbro87​ @lover-of-books-and-teas​ @nerdygaloresposts​ @teenwolfbitches2​ @genius2050​ @drw0301bieber​ @softgamerking​ @lady-of-lies​ @ravenmoore14​ @ravenempress101​ @cillianchamp​ 

[graphicabyss]

Avalanche and the Fallout

So, last time I commented on Tegoshi’s tell-all book and now it’s released and the damage is done. Such an appropriate name seeing as avalanches are sudden and destroy everything in their path. As I read the book and the related news, I struggled with both the need to convey how I felt and stop giving him so much time and attention. Sure enough, I ended up with a long review/analysis/bitching post. It's rough and mean and very long so please read at your own risk.

Facts first. The book released on Aug 5 was originally supposed to run 10,000 copies but they reportedly increased it to 50,000 due to high demand. Tegoshi also held a press-conference to talk about it on release day. It ended up being one of the best-selling books on Amazon and top seller in Entertainment.

It’s hard to talk about the book briefly. It’s 270 pages long and I had absolutely no intention to read it all but still ended up reading a good deal and words just kept pouring out of me. I could not imagine how much this book would fuck me up. I knew it would be bad but honestly I was shocked about the publication because it’s both incredibly cruel to so many people and incredibly stupid as it’s going to severely damage his reputation and future career.

I won’t even try to pretend to be objective because there’s nothing objective about the book itself. It’s a book of unsolicited opinions. If there’s one word I’d to describe it it’s ‘delusional’. Every chapter reeks of vanity and a sense of superiority as he judges every single celebrity he came in contact with and gives plenty of advice. It's a mess of careless words hastily and haphazardly thrown together in an attempt to let the world know the Real Tegoshi.

Of course, that's not how he sees it. He mentions the likes of Steve Jobs and Bill Gates saying their books give people motivation and inspiration and he wanted to do the same. Bitch, you haven't done anything to get you on that level yet.

There’s a video on his channel where he goes to the publisher to talk about the book and while he says about sending an inspirational message, the publisher only wants him to talk about Yukirin and other juicy gossip. And it’s not like poor Tegoshi was tricked into it, he readily agreed to it and he knew full well what he was doing. The book’s cover does not advertise life advice, it advertises celebrity gossip. Also nudes, which by the way, turned out to be mere topless shots. Add false advertising to the list of offenses. He really gave Bunsun a run for their money discussing half his scandals and even adding some extra. He keeps saying he only wants to clear up the rumours but somehow ends up saying things that make absolutely no difference or even make him look worse. It's like if Bunshun said "Tegoshi was partying with 5 younger women, ran around naked and then passed out drunk" and Tegoshi would be like "That's not true! There were 4 women!"

He also said he absolutely could not hide how he truly felt. And that seems to make sense except it’s one thing to just be honest and reveal some of your relevant thoughts in a carefully worded manner. But this is another thing entirely. It’s some kind of emotional exhibitionism, a compulsory desire to share his every thought and opinion on everything and everyone. Dear, there is middle ground between hiding how you really feel and giving your every single opinion. That doesn't make you honest. It makes you an asshole.

The book is divided into small chapters and most are about NEWS, past and present members and related topics, as well as most other JE artists. Some chapters are about the women he had or did not have relations with. Some are about the people he admires and his delusional plans for the future. Only a small number of chapters do not mention any names and talk about his personal experiences and thoughts.

At this point, I do not even have all the scans but I have more than enough to go off the parts I read. First off, I am now allergic to the word ‘positive’ and the phrase ‘as a man’. What the fuck does that even mean? Also, a lot of the stuff he says in the book is not new in any way and was either said before or known through other sources or rumours. There are hardly any shocking revelations anywhere, at least if you were following him as closely as I have. But hearing all these terrible opinions at once is sure a treat.

Actually, he himself described it as whining and that seems accurate because he does that for a good portion of the book, explaining how unfairly he (and other people) was treated by the industry and the press. There are many stories of hardship and resilience. There’s the good old "I suffered so much when I wasn’t the center of attention for the first time in my life”. There’s the classic “The media spreads lies about me” and other familiar narratives. Also a few tragic stories of unfulfilled love.

And not all of it is horrible. In fact, there are a few parts that I could relate to, such as the terrible way Koyama had been treated when he had to resign from ‘every’, the strange limitations for idols and how excessively strict the rules of Japanese showbiz are. But by telling those stories and complaining about JE and Japan’s entertainment industry, he is not going to make a change. All he accomplished is make things harder for himself. Bringing up the names of many artists, especially those he doesn’t even know personally, and discussing their problems is incredibly rude, intrusive and potentially damaging. Yes, the rules of Japanese entertainment suck but see how much you can achieve going against them.

And I don't like JE and not going to defend it but bitching about JE in particular is unwise for two reasons: One - not only does he owe everything to it, NEWS is still in it and what’s bad for JE is bad for NEWS. Two - JE is very powerful and has immense influence in the industry so making them your enemy when your career barely started may lead to it ending prematurely. In the end, Tegoshi Yuya’s biggest obstacle to fame isn’t JE or media. It’s Tegoshi Yuya.

It is not an autobiography book so it doesn't start with childhood. Which is a pity because I was hoping to get a glimpse of how we got to this point. There are a few clues though. 

I can tell.

Perhaps the most important chapters are those connected to his leaving the band, his reasons and motivations and that shit made me livid. He basically says that one day he imagined how awesome his solo career would be and decided he was too good to be in NEWS and the world will fall at his feet at soon as he lets it. He literally says that when he had to stay home because of the Covid-19 pandemic, he realized that God sent him a sign saying “Quickly, leave the agency!”. The pandemic is serendipity. Fuck me.

I honestly expected that the part about NEWS members at least would be nothing but praise but it also left me with very mixed feelings. First, there's a chapter "What I Told the NEWS Members" and it sounds so solemn and inspirational like "Are you sure you didn't copy that from some drama or anime? Because people do not talk like that, especially after being hit with such news." I'd love to hear their side of the story. There's also a chapter calling the members his comrades and expressing his eternal gratitude. But it's pretty clear that's not really for the members, it's to appease the fans.

There are several more chapters about the members specifically. Tegoshi has to be perfectly honest so there’s evaluation of every member, as he positions himself as the best performer by default and tells some stories that he apparently seems to think necessary to share.

For instance, there’s his story of choosing to stay in NEWS in 2011 as he told Koyashige they were miles behind Tegomass and needed to improve their singing and dancing to not drag the band down. Wait, since when can Tegoshi dance? Also the time Massu could not get a certain song right and got unresponsive as Tegoshi kept poking his mistake, so Tegoshi went berserk and thrashed Massu's things.

There is also a whole chapter about Shige and it's so weird as a former biggest Tegoshige shipper. Before I'd be happy for all the praise. Sadly, at this point if Tegoshi praises you too much it's almost a little suspicious. The whole thing is basically Tegoshi deciding that Shige is his top choice as... a man? deciding he makes the best leader and entrusting him the band. "Take care of my NEWS, Kato!" he says at the end. Fuck this shit!

Also, whatever happened to “Shige-chan?” He has made no effort to spend time with Shige out of work. And you know, they used to hang out and go on trips together when they were younger but not in recent years as Tegoshi got 'cooler' friends. I mean, his and Shige's friends probably have a 20+ difference in IQ level but still... He also only read a few of his books and unlike Massu, he does read. Mostly shitty 'how to succeed' types. All of that speaks of remarkable disinterest in Shige's actual life and thoughts.

There are several more chapters regarding NEWS as a band and what he thinks they should do and it makes me furious just talking about it. You lost any right to decide the band's future when you left them high and dry, asshole. He also claims he loves NEWS so so much and even wears the tour T-shirts (impressive!) and sings their songs in karaoke and cries! (poor thing!) On top of that he can't wait to see the STORY tour and go to see it and also broadcast it on his Youtube and do a review.......... I can't with this shit. Let's move on.

He also analyzed former members, basically calling Ryo spineless and saying he and Pi should have left sooner if they had no interest being in the band. And that’s coming from someone who tried to leave what? 4 times at least? Yes. It turns out he wanted to leave the band in 2017, in addition to 2011 and 2013. The way I see it now, 4nin NEWS was a hostage situation where Tegoshi constantly threatened to leave and other members trying to keep him happy and make him stay. He knew he was important and he got away with all kind of shit, both within the band and the agency.

In a similar manner, he takes each JE group and artist and evaluates them - what's good about it and what’s not, who’s popular and capable, what the group needs to do and so on. It’s amazingly condescending. There’s even a whole part about wanting to unite NEWS and KAT-TUN. What the fuck? Who asked you? Go film your ugly wardrobe or something.

I bet Tegoshi is so obsessed with popularity and rankings that he sees numbers over every person's and groups’ heads. Not everything in the world can be ranked and measured in numbers. He also says there are many celebrities who fucked up and acted like divas but are still popular. Way to go! Except it seems you have mistaken the order. You should succeed first, then be a dick. Also bitch, you're not Lady Gaga.

One of the biggest reasons for the anger of fans, at least the Western ones, was the way he talked about the mental issues of the former King & Prince member Iwahashi Genki and SEXY ZONE member Matsushima Sou both of whom had to step back from the industry because of their panic attacks. Even though he intended to encourage them, he expressed a fundamental misunderstanding of how panic attacks work suggesting they just had to cheer up and stay positive.

There's a whole section where he talks about a dozen female celebrities, mostly idols and actresses, dedicating a whole chapter to each. Of course, only to ‘set the record straight’. Because that’s exactly how the rumours work, you know. Particularly old ones. You tell the whole story and they go away. It's disgusting. Female artists' whole careers depend on their pure image and being associated with him can easily end it.

He also speaks of the first three girls he dated, which all sound like huge and tragic love stories as he said he loved them so much he considered marrying them but they all actually happened when he was about 16 to 20 years and after turning 20 he hasn't had a single woman that he loved that much.

And then some parts are only about himself and they are things that one should really, really keep to oneself. Nobody needs to know you drink so hard you can’t get it up. The chapter's called "I have no interest in sex" but it should really be called "I have a drinking problem". I couldn’t help but remember the scandalous article that came out in 2017 where one of his 'girl friends' sold the story of their relationship with all unsightly intimate details. I chose to defend him at the time but now I’m not even sure I can blame her. Perhaps it should be viewed as whistle-blower insider info as she warned others of what they may expect. The chapter "I have easily over a 1000 female friends" says he has this many girl contacts all over Japan and overseas but they aren't what you think they are. He only had 10 girls who he considered girlfriends, those he met 1 on 1 with. I guess the rest he just fucked so that doesn't count. Now that I think about it, I feel like 99% of all the Bunshun articles were mostly accurate.

Speaking of which... There's also a chapter where he explains why he cried during Neverland tour and he explains it by the photo with the two cons from 2011. We all know that was just a small part of it and the far bigger reason was people exposing his private messages and leaking intimate photos and stories. So much for the whole truth. Also, he whines about his reputation being hurt by the photo but has a whole chapter praising the man called Horiemon who was imprisoned for securities fraud.

There's another major revelation that shows his character. He mentions several cases where he had hissy fits in the dressing rooms, actually throwing chairs and things. Of course, for important reasons - being frustrated and angry at terrible injustices. Such as Koyama being fired from ‘every’ or him losing some parts in ChumChum after his scandal. Also the fight with Massu back in 2010 when he threw Massu’s things on the floor... It’s horrible as it is but for Massu, knowing he freaks out if you so much as breathe on his things... What a bitch.

There are also some chapters about his delusions of becoming a worldwide phenomenon but he doesn't seem to have a real plan how to achieve it. There are his ideas that are all over the place. There's the bold "Creating a new mold of entertainment" so that's producing. There's Youtube stuff. There's creating a "Tegoshi village" with ex-TOKIO Yamaguchi. He just had to pick the most problematic of his senpai. And there's an actual chapter called "Expanding to China and US Simultaneously”? Also English lessons? That all sounds very impressive, hon, but all you did so far was piggybacking on other people's fame and work. His book sold largely due to scandals and other people's names. He had a solo concert with just his NEWS solos and cover versions. And he just released a video that is an exact replica of his ItteQ segment.

One question is: how is he so confident he'll succeed fast? Well, apart form the usual delusions of grandeur. One reason for his excessive confidence is having friends in high places. At one point he's casually namedropping Abe Shinzo and the First Lady who was supposedly expected to come to the Story tour. Tegoshi said he would invite both of them to his solo concert. Yeah, I'm sure they'll come, nothing controversial about that.

I can’t imagine how it’s going to go from here but I don’t know how anyone would still want to work with him. He fucked over people he worked with for 18 years, people he claims to love, in a heartbeat so what can a new partner expect?

--------------------------------------------------

As expected by literally everyone but Tegoshi, the book made an uproar and not in a good way, with fans and agencies enraged over his words about the artists. There were many articles calling this book 'exposé book', especially focusing on him using the real names of female celebrities. Some newspapers followed up with petty articles. My favourite is an article from Tokyo Sports that specifically dug up a story that was not in the book about the way he adamantly pursued a certain female idol trying to conquer her and culminating in doing a dogeza in front of her but she still rejected him saying "Zettai yada! I will be your girlfriend number what?". Her name is not revealed, which is unfortunate, I'd like to know who that queen is.

Not all feedback was bad, of course. According to this article, many men brought it and enjoyed it. I'm sure they did. Plenty of aspirational douchebags out there. Anyway. Many fans wrote to him long angry and very detailed letters. His social media accounts have been losing followers for the past several weeks.

Perhaps the strangest thing is that he seemed genuinely surprised that instead of praise for his courage and honesty he got anger and disapproval. It wouldn't happen if he got his head out of his ass and literally asked a single one of the people he wrote about what they thought of it. 

The feedback must have been very focused as the very next day he wrote a few posts on his Twitter and Instagram indicating his concern over the feedback. On Twitter, he used the word “yacchimatta ka” as in “I messed up, didn’t I?” though stylistically I read it as “whoopsie”. Then there were two Insta stories.

2020/08/06 Ah, I'm a little tired. I'm also human. (sometimes I whine)

2020/08/06 I don't bother with those who criticize me in whatever they do. But I can't stand to see my fans, whom I treasure like my life, leave. I'm sorry. From now on, I won't whine anymore.

"I whine sometimes?" Really? that's what you call a 272 pages tell-all book? Also "I won't whine anymore"?? You think pulling off shit like that and then saying "whoopsie" is enough? It got quiet for a few days and on Aug 10 there was the apology video, which was named "This is my first and last whining". Doubt it. He uses the word ‘弱音’ which has a somewhat vague meaning, using it in an apology video in that context is confusing. Why not call apology as it is? That seems like another politician’s technique.

The apology was impressive in a way. At least it was not a blanket apology, he (or his employees) correctly identified what exactly people were mad about. He said he was really sorry for hurting his fans and causing trouble to people he wrote about. He said he understood that he doesn't have to reveal everything. He also said that he felt the love behind the anger, that fans wrote to him because they cared and were disappointed. Also said he realized that he was protected till now. It was all pretty good right until the very end when he gave a loud 'TEI!' effectively ruining the effect.

Of course, it was good that he did that but I still don't think it even began to make up for all the shit he wrote. The apology would be an adequate step after a shitty Tweet, not a fucking book. Also, I feel like more than anything he just got scared of losing his fans, maybe even sorry for hurting their feelings but not really sorry for what he did. He has no plans to change his behaviour. He wants to be at his 100% assholeness and still be adored.

Of course thousands of merciful women turned to his defence because he looked 'so sad' and even 'thinner'. That's right! He's the real victim here. Must be terrible to hear such hard criticism for the things you actually said and did.

By now I'm barely even angry anymore and a part of me feels sorry for Tegoshi. He's like a dumb spoiled child who wreaks havoc. But I have to remind myself I should not feel sorry. He is in fact an adult man of 32 who is so used he always gets his way that even a minor opposition is viewed by him as a violation of his freedom. And his charm is the very reason he always got away with all the shit he did in life up to this point. I bet he is getting a lot of hate mail and I hope his positivity prepared him for it. I remember him calling Koyama in the middle of the night to come and comfort him while he cried. Also calling Shige to come only to fall asleep in his lap. Now he's on his own. God, right now I just really wish Tegoshi would send himself to the corner and thought about what he's done. Just step aside and shut up for 5 minutes.

But he isn't gonna do it. Of course not. He had a solo concert today and is doing Youtube videos and moving even faster so that people forget about the book.

But fans never will. I can't even say if the book changed my perception or just unveiled what I knew was there all along. For years I've been discarding and questioning all the bad rumours and stories telling myself "He didn't mean it" or "That can't be true" but now it all comes together like pieces of a puzzle, and there's no need to guess anymore because he's shouting "Oh yes I fucking did and I'll do it again!"

All in all, the book paints a picture of a man who is anything but Prince Charming. It chips away any remaining illusions of a 'perfect idol' showing someone who is vain, petty, and chauvinistic. Someone who is obsessed with status and popularity so much that he is willing to sacrifice everything for it and thinks it doesn't matter how bad your reputation is as long as you succeed. Someone who is the very epitome of toxic masculinity, drinks himself to oblivion and treats women like toys. And yet, somehow, I still find myself having to fight the strong urge deep inside of me that makes me want to like him.

[queerpontmercy]

pick four characters and then roll a d4 for each of these numbers to determine which char to answer for: 1 4 5 6 17 22 24 26 39 27 51 57 60

tumblr did me so dirty but I finally got all of these in one doc, thank you <3 I decided to alternate between my Beam Saber pilots for character #4, so we have Solace “Trash Panda“ Altiora the infiltrator, and Dr. Finch Tandem, the officer/cat herder. Put under a cut because fuck this is so long...

What does Solace typically keep in his pockets?

I rolled a 3 for Leucien, but I already described his pockets, so...Solace is messy and generally keeps a tube of lipstick within easy reach, which means inevitably he’s also got a few tissues stuffed in a pocket from the last time he had to apply blot it. Other than that, he always has at least one knife on him, and that could feasibly be in a pocket. No, he’s not just happy to see you. 

Other than that, you know he’d never tell but honestly? I think he keeps his old prayer beads on his person, despite having left the Cenotaph both physically and spiritually. There’s something grounding about them: something organic in a world full of unforgiving machinery and vastly unknowable AIs, perhaps. It’s still soothing. Shut up. 

4. If Tanith was a work of art, how would you describe her?

This is such an interesting question for Tanith-- the most important bit for her would be that it’s something functional and beautiful, made lovelier still by use. A well-loved sea shanty with lyrics that keep time out on the water, a handsome medicine chest with fanciful carvings of beasts on each wooden panel…oooooh maybe a set of three nesting clay pots/jars! The first one is big and solid, rough gray-green with a fitted lid and decorations like barnacles and limpets, and below that is one with blue and brown glazes, pooling and mixing into each other, and the last (smallest) one is delicate and porcelain, almost opalescent from within where the light hits it, with the most simple, graceful curved shape It’s meant to house something rare and precious. 

5. How does Tanith express she’s comfortable?

She doesn’t like to sit in her emotions or thoughts, and spends a lot of time trying to transmute them into practical action. You’d know she’s comfortable if she let herself be still, taking in the world with quiet acceptance, and told you what was on her mind-- what she saw, or remembered, or was thinking about, without worry, just being. 

6. How does Fen express that they’re uncomfortable?

Fenestra argues about stupid shit-- pedantry in particular is such a refuge. Having a hill to die on helps her feel slightly in control, since feeling powerless is definitely one of the things that makes her most uncomfortable. She’d never admit to it, but it’s also a way to knock Threats down a peg or two. 

17. Does Leucien swear? What’s his favorite phrase/word?

For sure, but since Leu is 3 feet tall, he almost certainly got the “ohhhh i had no idea, you’re so iiiiinnocent~” treatment after saying one (1) fuck word. I was tonight years old when I learned he’s partial to “oh balls,” which is decidedly not one of my (Sketch’s) phrases, but I guess it makes sense intrinsically? Most swear words are either profane, sexual, or insulting/derogatory. Gnomes in this campaign aren’t religious, culturally speaking, and he’s not the kind to start a fight. 

Now that means there’s actually a good chance that he has at least once, in a fit of extreme frustration, blurted out “Aerum’s b--” before very hastily correcting to “face, face, I was gonna say face.”

I’m shocked I have so much to say about this, but...he was an academic, and I also have a strong hunch that he had a terrible little pretentious phase where all his swear words came from Old Gnomish or Dwarvish or oooh, maybe languages his old friend Aza had picked up, but...at this point he reasons it’s better to say the things in Everendian/Common if you want people to know what you’re saying. 

22. What kind of person would Finch never side with?

Finch would never side with a landlord cop bully. Well, definitely not a landlord or cop either. But man, the kind of leader who throws their weight around for the sake of it and intimidates innocent people into carrying out their orders? They really, truly despise ‘em. And leaders who treat the individuals under their wing as pieces of a calculated risk rather than full people. They’d honestly rather die than become that kind of leader. 

24. What’s a controversial food opinion Leucien would have?

Pineapple on pizza is good actually you guys are just mean

Leu thinks the fact that there’s such a thing as “controversial food opinions” is fascinating. He’ll try anything once, so point-blank disregarding something as disgusting feels like snobbery to him. And even badly-cooked food can tell you so much about the people who make it, so and that learning’s a pleasure in and of itself. 

26. What would Tanith want for her funeral?

In Tanith’s culture, dying orcs are dressed in burial clothes, shrouded, and left to make their “final voyage” on their own in quiet contemplation. She would uphold this tradition. Burial and scattering of ashes at sea are common, but I actually think Tanith might want to be buried at the “interfaith” shrine she established on the mainland post-campaign-- Ishka willing, to be its guardian and perhaps, in a way, guide the lost on their journeys after her death. 

She would certainly want her dear friends and party members to speak in her memory at a ceremony, especially Cae and Avris, who saw her through so much. Nothing prepared. Just what comes from the heart in the moment. Perhaps she has also transcribed an old Orcish lullaby for her beloved Anya to play at the end, with the music drifting through the air and quietly dissipating, like sea foam as it hits the shore. 

27. If they were a ghost, how would Solace haunt in the afterlife?

Solace would be such a chaotic asshole ghost but he’d have the time of his (after)life. He already has such a great time being a local cryptid as it is, convincing people that an abandoned amusement park or shopping mall might be haunted. It’d be even worse in death. The thing is, if he was a ghost and knew nothing could hurt him, he’d be even more unsubtle, he’d really want to see the impact of his tricks and shenanigans for once after a lifetime or lurking. 

39. What does Finch believe their party lacks?

Finch knows that their squad has each other’s backs in the practical way-- they’ve seen teammates trauma out or take major damage protecting each other. But they think that what the Intrepid is missing is emotional vulnerability, and it’s important? If we’re not honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with each other? It keeps them up at night sometimes. 

51. What makes Tanith a hypocrite?

She’ll forgive everyone except herself, obviously. Since she was able to get some closure with her ex Kleiya, who didn’t die but was transported to another plane, she hasn’t been nearly as consumed with guilt over who she used to be, but still? She’ll tell someone not to burn out all at once, she’ll tell someone they’re good just as they are, and never believe it herself. :/ 

57. How does the way Leucien acts seemingly contradict his ability scores?

FitD scores don’t translate as well, so...Leu it is! 

He’s got +3 charisma, but he’s the most awkward man in all of existence and can’t be normal for even two seconds. I actually don’t think it’s that contradictory; charisma is a force of personality, after all, and Leu’s got that. He became an object of cult worship in a matter of months, after all...But also I do think he’s got an endearing, bookish, understated charm, and hey, that’s a kind of charisma. D&D often makes charisma out to be the smooth-talking seduction stat, but I really enjoy when it can be more than that.

He’s also got decently high wisdom, but I’ve been playing him with small dog energy. We’ll figure it out, I suppose.

60. Who does Fenestra go to when she needs to bounce ideas off of someone?

Fenestra has a littol greyromantic wtf-is-this crush on Eli, another of the Oracle’s apprentices. :3 They have honed different ways of seeing the future. Fen captures big fragmented portents that don’t make sense until later, whereas Eli is a lot more scrupulous, and tends to focus on details and possibilities, mapping out the pieces of a butterfly effect. They really respect his different way of thinking; it’s been incredibly helpful, and if she were feeling mentally stuck Fen would go to him, no question. He’d listen.

[justallamaimaginingthings]

hi I saw your requests are open and I would like to ask for some tyrion? maybe 32 or 27 from the promp list? Whatever you like better :) Thanks and have a nice week!

A/n: Thanks for requesting, that was really fun to write! There’s not enough Tyrion stuff around here, so I’m glad to see a request about him. Please let me know what you think of it!

Prompts:27: “Kiss me”, 32:“Why did you do this?’

Words: 1300

Over yourstay in King’s Landing you had created a strong bond with Tyrion and youconsidered him one of your closest friends, so when he was accused of Joffrey’smurder you were naturally the first one to come visit him. Your first requestwas rejected by Cersei but with some help from Jaime you managed to sneak in.

"Cerseilet you visit me two days in a row? I can’t believe my luck dear brother”Tyrion remarked sarcastically thinking the cloaked figure that had just enteredhis cell belonged to Jaime.

“Honestly,I can’t believe my luck either” you replied closing the door behind youand leaning against it sighting in relief. Jaime had given you instructions onhow to avoid being seen by the guards. However not even Jaime knew everythingabout Cersei’s plan for Tyrion as she had installed another guard outside thecell. Luckily Jaime managed to distract him long enough for you to sneak in.

“Y/n?’Tyrion turned around and looked at you with wide eyes "How did you gethere?”

“Ithought you could use some company. Jaime helped me sneak in, so here amI” you explained shrugging. Your heart had just started beating normallyagain and you smiled reassuringly at Tyrion.

“Ifthey find you here-”

“Jaimewill find an excuse and everything will be alright. No need to worry, Tyrion.Here, I brought you something” You made your way across the cell and satdown next to him. You searched your pockets until you found an old flask fullof red wine. Tyrion took it and emptied it almost instantly.

“Ididn’t do it. It’s true that I hated that little cunt, but I didn’t poison him”Tyrion told you sincerely. He didn’t even need to say it, you already knew yourfriend wasn’t stupid or ruthless enough to murder his own nephew.

“Inever thought you did. You’re too clever for that” you replied making thesmall man chuckle. You were the only person in King’s Landing he could talk toand he had come to care a lot about you. Something about you made Tyrion wantto spend as much time as he could in your company and no matter how hard hetried to convince himself it was because of your friendship, deep down he knewit was more than that.

Even thoughyou were really happy to see he was okay, the thought of him being put intotrial for a crime you were certain he didn’t commit was to say at leastterrifying. His sister had been so blinded by the grief of Joffrey’s death thatshe couldn’t think straight and was most likely to take that out on Tyrion. So,despite your better judgment you reached out to the only person that couldactually help you and get away with it.

“Youdo realize that what you’re talking about is treason?” the spy masterasked you while his piercing look examined every little aspect about yourappearance trying to ensure if he could trust you

“Weboth know you do not care about the Queen. You want to protect the people andif you are going to do that you will need Tyrion’s mind” you argued, notshying away from the question.

“You’resmart, I can see why he likes you” Varys noted. After a while of pushingback and forth, you managed to get the man to help you. The process would beextremely dangerous and the possibility of getting caught meant certain death,but it was worth it, Tyrion was worth it.

A few dayslater everything was set and the amount of stress you were dealing with wasmassive. Varys had insisted on you satying on the boat and waiting for him andTyrion and even though he had left almost minutes ago, it felt like hours. Finallythey arrived and you were shocked to see Tyrion was unconscious.

Travelling insecret with your only company being the most mysterious man on Westeros hadbeen awful, especially after having been advised against communicating withTyrion for the whole journey. Finally, you reached Pentos and settled inIllyrio’s palace.  Varys opened the boxTyrion had been stuck in and the dwarf struggled in his attempt to sand up.

“Istill don’t understand why I had to stay in the box” he grumbled while takingin the environment around him in an attempt to figure out where he was when hiseyes landed on you. “Y/n?” he exclaimed shocked.

“I’mafraid the box was necessary” you apologized sheepishly letting out asmall chuckle at his half impressed half surprised look

“What areyou doing here?” he asked even though the answer was quite obvious

“I’malso glad to see you too” you replied sarcastically causing the two of youto break into laughter and Varys to roll his eyes. Before another word could bespoken you rushed towards Tyrion and pulled him in a tight hug, letting all theanxiousness of the previous days dissolve, smiling widely as the short manwrapped his arms around you.

“Butseriously, why did you do this? You risked your life for me” he askedsuddenly getting serious again after the hug was broken.

“BecauseI couldn’t let my best friend die before the age of 80 and without a girl’smouth wrapped around his cock” you answered quoting his exact words,making another chuckle come out of him. Andbecause I’m in love with you… you thought, but now was not the time.

After Varysexplained the rest of the plan he let you and Tyrion enjoy the Pentosihospitality which included lots of wine in a beautiful balcony. More than a fewdrinks later, both you and Tyrion were positively drunk and as usual theconversation was ranging between some incredibly serious and some incrediblystupid subjects.

“And Isaid yes, you know like a liar” you completed the story of how youconvinced Varys to help you making Tyrion laugh.

“Previouslyyou said I was not a coward” Tyrion changed the subject all of a suddenreferring to one of your latest conversations “and you were wrong”. Youopened your mouth to disagree but he walked over and shushed you by placing afinger on your lips. “You were wrong because it took me getting to theother end of the world and four bottles of wine to actually admit that I loveyou”

“Wereached four a long time ago” you corrected him, when your half drunk mindprocessed the actual meaning of his words. All at once, every inch ofintoxication left your body making you feel overly aware of the currentsituation you were into, with you sitting on a chair and him standing right infront of you “Wait, what did you say?”

“Thiswine is really good after all” he noted while emptying what was left onhis cup

“Tyrion,what did you just say?” you insisted, wanting to make sure you hadn’toverheard him

“Isaid I have been in love with you for Gods know how long and the only reason I’mtelling you this is in hope you’re too drunk to remember it by tomorrow”he repeated much less confidently

“Iwant to remember it” you replied making his eyes widen in shock

“Whatin seven hells do you mean?” it was his turn to ask you to repeat yourwords

“I feelthe same way” you explained “Just shut up and kiss me” you addedupon noticing the look of complete confusion and happiness that crossed hisface. He didn’t spare a moment as he leaned in to capture your lips with his. Histouch was unexpectedly gently as he tangled his hand on your hair and took astep closer to you. Tasting the alcohol on his lips you smiled into the kissgiving him the perfect chance to deepen it.

It took theboth of you a lot to realize but here you were, half the world and more than afew glasses of wine away from Westeros, too lost in the moment to realize thepassing by of a certain spy master who smiled at the scene.

[swtorizz]

Lost Apprentice (Ashara/Sith!OC) Ch. 2

Chapter 1 | AO3

The Sith towered over Nala, his figure looming and intimidating. He was broad-shouldered and had the posture of a well-behaved apprentice, but what really made him stand out was his presence. The Force radiated from him in dark waves, as it did any Sith, and it took all of Ashara’s strength to maintain a civil composure.

She took a few breaths and smoothed her shirt to even herself out before speaking, “Nala. Who is this?”

“Oh!” Nala perked, as if she’d completely forgotten there was a Sith at her side, “this is, er, I’m so sorry, hun, but I didn’t catch your name.”

“My name is not important.” His voice was as deep and menacing as Ashara had envisioned it to be.

But that didn’t stop her from growling at him, “your name is ‘not important’? Who do you think you are?”

He raised a brow, “No need to be so hostile. I’m here to help, after all.”

Dumbfounded, Ashara glanced at her hostess. Nala smiled, “indeed he is! This young man heard about our struggles from some folks in the village and offered his help. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I just thought since you haven’t, er, had much luck—“

“It’s fine, Nala.” Ashara sighed, “I understand. Would you like me to leave?”

“Oh heavens no!” The woman looked downright shocked, “I couldn’t imagine being without you! And I though maybe the two of you could work together! You could fill him in on all the little details and, together, you could work something…”

As Nala rattled on, Ashara realized the Sith was staring at her. She recalled what she’d put on before bed the night before and suddenly her bare legs under her long shirt felt very bare.

She cleared her throat and interrupted Nala’s rambling, “Nala, I’m going to get dressed.”

“Of course dear,” she smiled, then called after her as the togruta turned and paced down the hall, “sorry for the scare!”

A Sith? Really, Nala, you think it’s not important to tell me about that?

Ashara had to refrain herself from punching the wall of the ‘fresher. She took several deep breaths to calm herself.

“There is passion. There is serenity. There is passion. There is serenity.”

Still wary, she felt out with the Force to assure that she wasn’t going to be ambushed. To her relief, the Sith seemed to be farther away from her now than before. Ashara finished up in the ‘fresher and dressed herself in a simple outfit of brown trousers and a beige tunic. Briefly, she recalled that the Sith had been wearing black and gray, and she couldn’t help but wonder why he wouldn’t even attempt to camouflage to his surroundings. Though she supposed he likely didn’t care enough to do so. Not many Sith would.

She also recalled his skin. That deep orange and those signature ridges of a pureblood reminded her of her master. But she shook that thought away and focused instead on building a mental wall.

After an hour or so of meditation, Ashara made her way to the kitchen and forced down what scraps were left of breakfast. Apparently no one felt it important to invite her after getting to know their new Sith friend.

“I’ve got rations, if you’d like.”

Ashara nearly jumped out of her skin when that deep voice grumbled from behind her. She silently cursed herself for being so focused on her own thoughts that she’d completely ignored the Force around her. Now that she was paying attention, she felt the waves of dark energy emanating from him and she was astounded that she’d missed it in the first place.

Apparently, he was too, “I apologize, I assumed you had sensed me.”

So she told you all about me then, huh?, “I don’t want your food. Nala cooks perfectly fine.”

“Fair enough.” When he raised a hand, palm first, she twitched involuntarily toward her side where she kept her lightsaber, well-hidden beneath her clothes.

His eyes narrowed, but the corner of his mouth turned upward, “So it’s true, then? You were trained as a Jedi?”

Ashara recalled the many conversations she’d had with Nala about her Force sensitivity. She’d been extremely hesitant to say much, for fear of word getting out about her location, but she supposed with bits and pieces put together it may have alluded to her Jedi padawan past.

But Ashara didn’t say a word of this to the Sith. In fact, she said nothing. Heart beating fast, she put her senses on high alert and forced her way past the spot where he leaned in the doorway, nearly touching him in the process.

As she passed, Ashara realized something. The Force energy emanating from him wasn’t entirely dark. Somewhere, deep down, there was a spark. It was small, but bright enough that she’d noticed it only in passing. Her curiosity was peaked. However she knew she would never get the chance to find out more. Because she’d decided that she’d be gone by the next sunrise.

It was mid-afternoon before Ashara had the displeasure of running into the Sith again. This time she was prepared. She sensed him long before he approached her in the fields, his dark cloak standing out disgracefully.

“I know you’re planning to leave.”

She sighed and tossed the rake to the side, allowing it to thud against the dirt. She knew there was no use in lying, but she had no idea how this Sith could possibly know that. She’d been very careful to keep the secret a secret.

“How?”

“When you walk past her,” he nodded at Nala, far off in the field opposite the one they were standing, delicately pulling weeds, “you radiate guilt. I’m surprised she hasn’t noticed it, honestly.”

“Okay.” Ashara crossed her arms, prepared for some sort of Sith trick. Blackmail, maybe, “so?”

“So,” when he looked back at her she felt self conscious and suddenly felt the need to check and see if she was wearing pants, but she resisted the urge, “you must have learned some things in the, what, weeks you’ve been staying here? I would appreciate it if you would at least give me some clues.”

No, she wanted to bite, but she held her tongue and forced her anger down, “I’ll think about it.”

With that, Ashara abandoned her work and decided to take a meditation break. This time she purposefully stepped closer to the Sith than she needed to when she passed, which unfortunately caused him to tense and his presence to shift and be more reserved. After the fact, she felt incredibly stupid for doing something so impulsive, and made sure to remind herself that he was not an ally. He needed to be treated as an active threat.

After a few hours of meditation, Ashara felt it again. His presence. It was the first time she’d opened her eyes in hours and she realized it was nearly sunset. She felt ashamed for leaving Nala to do all the work herself, especially with a Sith lurking around. But now her focus was on the shifting Force outside her door. It took a few moments of listening for her to realize that Nala was there with him, having a conversation. She concentrated in an attempt to eavesdrop, but just as she did so they said their parting words and a knock sounded at her door.

Softly, Ashara answered, “come in.”

Nala’s smile was just as sweet as always. She honestly looked more content than she had for a while, probably due to the least bit of hope after days and days of bad news. But the way Nala was twiddling her thumbs had Ashara worried.

“What is it, Nala?”

The woman took a breath, “I know you aren’t exactly, um, getting along with our newest guest. But he would appreciate it if you could, maybe, fill him in? I promise he’s just a sweetheart once you get to know him—“

“Okay, okay.” Ashara stopped her so that she wouldn’t have to throw up in her mouth, “I’ll tell him, Nala. For you.”

She beamed, “thank you so much, Ashara! I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

When her hostess began to tear up, Ashara hurriedly said her goodnight. Nala promised to send the Sith to see her, to which Ashara had to stop herself from giving a snarky response.

It seemed like an eternity before another knock sounded, this time heavier and more commanding than the last.

Ashara braced herself, “come in.”

The Sith stepped into her room and immediately surveyed his surroundings. Suddenly she was self-conscious of what little of her own possessions she had laying about.

“I’m surprised you aren’t packed yet.” He commented, almost idly.

“Quiet.” She snapped, already annoyed. Stars, did she really have to do this?

“My apologies.” He offered as he sat down on the single chair against the far wall.

“That’s the second time you’ve apologized to me. I didn’t know Sith knew how to do that.”

He ignored her tone and kept his cool composure, as usual, “Perhaps I’m not Sith.”

A few things sparked in Ashara: confusion, anger, but most importantly, curiosity.

The Sith (if he could still be referred to as such), of course, sensed all this, and smiled. She found herself taken aback by how genuine it looked, and had to stop her thoughts from wandering into how it affected the sweat on her palms.

“Anyhow,” he moved on, toying with her, “what can you share with me before two?”

The togruta took a deep breath, steadying both her emotions and her body, and pressed her back against the wall where she sat on the cot. Hesitantly, she explained what little she’d learned to the man in front of her.

Mostly she knew that something happened on the farm once a month, but for some reason this time was different every month, however, it was always two in the morning. At two in the morning, as she’d been told, every member of the household woke suddenly and felt a dreadful uneasiness; only to look out their windows and see a lone, dark figure standing motionless in the fields. The figure, as it had been described to her, was always there until Nala looked away to make a call, and then it disappeared. This terrified Nala, which was why she’d put out a desperate ad on the holonet with what little savings a single mother could have, and hoped. Ashara was the first to respond, and had assumed it’d been taken down once she arrived, but apparently had been left up for others to find just in case.

While telling this part of the story Ashara let slip that she’d been searching the holonet for something to do, some way to help someone. The Sith shifted in his chair when she said this, but had no remark. She continued.

She recalled every night for the past two weeks: stay up until two, wait, and watch. But nothing ever came.

With that she wrapped up her story and glanced at the clock. Three hours left.

Finally, the Sith said something, “Interesting. I suppose it’s greatly disappointing to you that you cannot help the way you truly desire to.”

It’d been digging at her that she’d been trying and trying to help, but no opportunity ever presented itself. She felt like a failure and a fraud, even though she’d been doing this all free of charge.

“Maybe a little bit.” She shrugged, “so what?”

He shrugged in return, “how noble.”

When Ashara narrowed her eyes in hostility, the Sith took that as an invitation to leave. He told her that he’d be back in a few hours and disappeared to who knows where.

Grateful to be alone, Ashara let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. That Sith had been eating away at the barrier she’d been implementing for weeks. This greatly bothered Ashara, because no matter how often the children got on her nerves or how many nightmares she had, the barrier had remained full and in-tact. But the passing presence of one random Sith was enough to deteriorate it.

In an attempt to clear her thoughts, Ashara found her way to the ‘fresher and took her time bathing to re-align her thoughts and scattered emotions.

“There is emotion. There is peace. There is emotion. There is peace…”

She repeated her chant under her breath until she did feel at peace. At least, as at peace as one could feel while still being on guard for the worst.

She dressed herself in her camouflage once again and waited. Soon enough there was an hour until two. And then a half hour. And then fifteen minutes.

A soft knock at her door startled her, and broke the reverie of her meditation. Instead of welcoming the Sith in, Ashara made her way to the door and had it open seconds after he’d knocked.

The Sith blinked in surprise, and Ashara realized she was closer to him than she’d ever been before. She noticed that his irises were a light gray, nearly light enough to match the whites of his eyes. His hair was as black as the void of space and his skin more of a burnt umber than a true orange.

When a second or two passed longer than it should have, and Ashara realized he was surveying her as closely as she was him, she cleared her throat and pushed past to step into the hallway.

Careful to be quiet enough as to not wake anyone else in the house, Ashara spoke softly, “we are going to hide silently among the crops and wait. Nothing is going to happen, and then I am going to gather my things and leave before Nala wakes at sunrise, and you won’t breathe a word about it, understood?”

He nodded once, softly, his deep voice just above a whisper, “understood.”

Glad to have no objections, Ashara led him to the side door and pointed out the small path she’d made herself through the field closest there. Silently, the Sith followed her to her hiding spot among the tallest of the crops, tall enough to just almost hide the tips of her horns while standing. The Sith, being as tall as her horns standing, sat down next to her in the crop field.

Silently still, the two reached out with the Force to sense the approach of anything nearby. Ashara did her best to ignore the large presence of power at her side.

After several minutes of this, Ashara opened her eyes. She could see very little between the meters of tall crops in front of her. When she tilted her head upward she could see the stars that made up Dantooine’s atmosphere and could just make out the full moon.

When the Sith at her side stiffened, Ashara was sent into full alert. She sensed it moving quickly from the west: the unwavering, unmistakable presence of a Sith.

Great.

Without hesitation, Ashara stood, prepared to chase down the intruder before he could do something horrible to the family he’d been stalking. But the moment she stood, an arm grabbed her around the waist and another flew over her mouth so she couldn’t make a noise.

Every alarm bell went off in her head. This is a trap, they’re working together, you idiot, how could you have trusted a Sith? This is where you die.

But quickly Ashara realized, through the overwhelming Force energy of two Sith, she still had her lightsaber carefully hidden on her hip. Palms sweaty, she went to grab it — only to realize she’d left in sitting on her bed where she’d been meditating. Her heart pumped so fast she was sure it would fly out of her chest.

“Listen.” The Sith hissed into her ear, his breath warm against her skin, “that is Lord Andarus, Darth Iratius’ son. You attack him and we’re both dead. Nod if you understand.”

The gears turned in Ashara’s head. It wasn’t a trap. They weren’t working together, or she’d already be dead.

She nodded.

Slowly, the Sith silently moved his hand from her face, but hesitated. She supposed it was because he was waiting to see if she’d scream, but all she could focus on was the figure across the fields and the arm around her midsection.

She struggled to concentrate on the intruder, just in case he did something stupid, but it was difficult when a Sith was clinging to her. His breathing in her ear was steady and his grip on her strong, aided by the Force, surely. After a few more grueling seconds, he let go.

But Ashara knew she couldn’t allow Nala’s family to be hurt, and she knew Nala would be watching from inside the house.

She had to do something.

Before the Sith could react, Ashara concentrated and pushed outward with the Force, sending a gust of wind toward Lord whatshisface. The cloaked figure stumbled, but turned immediately in the direction of the Force push.

Too little too late, Ashara ducked down to where the Sith already crouched. With the Force she felt as the man darted in the direction he came and Ashara jumped to follow before she could be stopped.

Immediately he was out of sight, hidden somewhere in the shadows, but Ashara had the Force on her side. She used it to find a trail—the ghost of a path, and sprinted in that direction. The further she went, though, the more she felt the trail disappear until finally…

“Kriff.” She growled to herself, snapping her head in every direction. She found herself at the village center, calm and peaceful in the moonlit night. Neither Sith was anywhere to be seen.

In a last ditch effort, Ashara considered the one place she would go to if she was being chased.

The spaceport.

As soon as she arrived she felt the Sith Lord’s Force energy wafting at her from the entrance. Before she could even take a step inside, however, the familiar sound of a ship beginning its takeoff caught her attention, and she cursed again under her breath.

She looked up to see a small shuttle outlined by the moon, it’s only discernible markings that could be made out being its painted red tail. And like that, it jumped to hyperspace.

It was gone.

Ashara arrived at Nala’s house at sunrise, broken and defeated. For her weeks of work she had nothing to show for it. She was disheveled, tired, and empty.

“It’s about time.”

Ashara scowled, but otherwise completely ignored the Sith. As she went to pass him to get into the house, he grabbed her by the arm to stop her.

Ashara ripped her arm from his grasp, “Do not touch me. You ruined this. You ruined everything.”

The Sith allowed his hand to fall back down to his side. His eyes narrowed, “that’s a lot of anger for a former Jedi.”

Ashara bit her tongue and stomped past him, only to be greeted by Nala the moment she stepped into the door. By the look on her face Ashara could tell that Nala had already heard the news—that he’d gotten away.

“I’m so sorry, Nala.”

“Don’t be.” The short woman shook her head and placed her hand on Ashara’s arm. This time, Ashara did not pull away.

All Ashara could think about was sleep. She’d been awake since the sunrise of the day before at this point and was too tired to think. She was about to brush past Nala when she noticed the bag on her arm.

Ashara hesitated, “what’s that?”

“Oh!” Nala smiled her sweet smile, holding out the bag for Ashara to take, “He told me all about the plans you two made to track down this stranger. I hope you don’t mind, I took the liberty of collecting your things for you.”

Ashara blinked a few times, attempting to process what she’d just heard. The plans we made, huh?

“That was very sweet of you, Nala.” The Sith appeared in the doorway behind Ashara. She went to step away, but he caught her wrist behind her back and slid something into her palm.

Her lightsaber. Ashara felt like a complete idiot for having forgotten where she’d left it. She winced at the thought of what might’ve happened had she caught that Sith without a weapon to defend herself.

There were many things Ashara wanted to say. Most of all, that she wanted nothing to do with this man who seemed to have taken a morbid curiosity to her.

But she could barely keep her eyes open, much less argue, so instead she settled for words of kindness, “thank you for everything, Nala.”

Tears streamed down Nala’s face, but she quickly wiped them away when she caught the kids staring from the other end of the room.

“Thank you, dear.”

Through her haze, Ashara felt herself began to tear up and decided it was time to leave. Carefully, she hid her lightsaber in her sleeve and took the bag from her hostess.

As she followed the Sith outside, she prepared herself for another walk into town, but she was amazed to see a taxi waiting there for them. In her sleepy state the thought hadn’t even occurred to her.

After climbing into the taxi himself, the Sith leaned over and offered her his hand to the togruta. There were a lot of rude comments that flew through her head, but she was far too tired to realize any of them. Instead, she sighed and took his hand, allowing herself to get comfortable on the opposite end of the taxi seat.

[the-desolated-quill]

Quill’s Swill - The Worst Of 2018

Congratulations dear reader. You survived 2018. And you know what that means. It’s time for another best of/worst of list. Welcome to Quill’s Swill 2018. A giant septic tank for the various shit the entertainment industry produced over the course of the year. The films, games, TV shows and various other media that got on my bad side. As always please bear in mind that this is only my subjective opinion (if you happen to like any of the things on this list, good for you. I’m glad someone did) and that obviously I haven’t seen everything 2018 has to offer for one reason or another. In other words, sorry that Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald isn’t on here. I’m sure it is as terrible as some have been suggesting. I just never got around to watching it.

Okay everyone. Grab your breathing masks and put on your rubber gloves. Let’s dive into this shit pile.

Hold The Sunset

The news that John Cleese would be returning to the world of BBC sitcoms was incredibly exciting, being a massive Fawlty Towers fan and all. Unfortunately Hold The Sunset was not quite what I had in mind. It’s one of those rare breed of situation comedies that chooses to offer no actual comedy. It’s not a sitcom. It’s a sit. Like Scrubs or The Big Bang Theory.

An elderly couple plan to elope abroad only for Alison Steadman’s son to barge in, having left his wife, and forcing them to put their plans on hold. Hence the title ‘Hold The Sunset.’ It’s like a cross between As Time Goes By and Sorry, but if all the humour and relatability were surgically removed by a deadpan mortician. The characters are weak, the plots are thin on the ground and the humour (hat little of it there is) feel incredibly dated. The middle aged mummy’s boy is something that hasn’t been funny since the 90s. It’s an utter waste of great talent and what hurts even more is that this tripe is actually getting a second series. I can only assume the people watching this are comatose. Either that or there’s an epidemic of people in Britain who have lost the remote.

Avengers: Infinity War

Yes this is one of the worst movies of 2018 and no I don’t regret saying that one little bit. Avengers: Infinity War was fucking terrible. Period. There were too many plots and characters going on, which made the film hard to follow (and what staggers me is that the so called ‘professional’ critics have condemned movies for having too many characters and plots before. Spider-Man 3, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Batman vs Superman: Dawn Of Justice and even Deadpool 2. But because this is an MCU movie, it gets a free pass. Fuck off). The characterisation was weak due to sheer number of characters they try to juggle, resulting in characters coming off as one dimensional caricatures of themselves and scenes where characters such as Iron Man, Doctor Strange and Star-Lord sound completely interchangeable. The villain, Thanos, is a stupidly and poorly written villain, but that’s hardly surprising considering what a shit job Marvel have done building him up over the course of these 20+ movies. And let’s not forget that pisstake ending. A bunch of prominent Marvel characters die and it’s all very, very sad... except all these characters just so happen to have sequels planned, which makes this ending fucking pointless and have less impact than a feather on a bouncy castle.

I don’t know which is more shocking. That Marvel and Disney think their audience are that stupid and gullible, or that their audience are actually validating their view. Fuck you Disney.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery

I’ve always wanted a Harry Potter RPG, where you could customise your character, choose your house and actually live a full school life at Hogwarts. This year, Warner Bros and Jam City gave us just that.

That was a mistake.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery is the epitome of everything that’s wrong with the mobile gaming market right now. The gameplay is boring and involving where you just tap images on a screen until a progress bar fills up. Wizard duels are little more than rock-paper-scissors challenges that require no kind of skill. Bonding with friends and caring for magical creatures just consist of pathetically simple pop quizzes and yet more boring tapping. Oh and of course you only get a certain amount of energy to complete these tedious tasks. If you run out of energy, you wait for it to fill up... or pay up for the privilege. So determined are they to extract your hard earned cash from your wallet, there’s actually a bit where Devil’s Snare strangles your eleven year old avatar and the game effectively tries to guilt trip you into paying micro-transactions to save them. It’s sleazy, gross and manipulative. Honestly, you’re better off just playing Candy Crush.

Agony

When the developers of this game said they wanted to give the player a trip through Hell, they had no idea how true that statement really was. Agony is dreadful on a number of levels. The design for Hell itself, while visually interesting at times, is often not very practical and gets quite dull and repetitive after a while. The stealth mechanics are a joke and the AI of your demonic enemies are pitiful. All of this alone would have been enough to put this game on the list, but then we also have the casual misogyny. Agony is a gorefest trying desperately to shock the player. We see men and woman get tortured, but it’s the women that often get the extreme end. The violence inflicted on them is often sexual in nature and the game seems to go out of its way to degrade and dehumanise women at every turn. The orgasmic cries of ‘pull it out’ quickly become a staple of the game’s experience as we see naked women raped, tortured and murdered, all for the purposes of ‘entertainment.’

I would call Agony sexist, but honestly that would be giving it too much credit. Agony is like a little child trying desperately to be all dark and edgy in a pathetic attempt to impress everyone around him, and we should treat it as such. Go to your room Agony. No ice cream for you.

Peter Rabbit

If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of Beatrix Potter rotating in her grave.

Yes we have yet another live action/CGI hybrid, but instead of something innocuous like the Smurfs or Alvin and the Chipmunks, Sony instead decides to adapt Peter Rabbit, with James Corden in the title role.

It’s about as bad as you’d expect.

Their attempts to modernise the story are painful to say the least with pop culture references, inappropriate adult humour and twerking rabbits. Plus rather than the gentle, but slightly mischievous character we got in the source material, here Peter is a sociopathic delinquent who seems to revel in making the farmer’s life a living hell. He’s unlikable and unwatchable as far as I’m concerned and the film doesn’t in anyway earn the emotional moments it tries so desperately to sell to the audience. And the worst part is it’s getting a sequel.

Wait. Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of Beatrix Potter tearing out of the ground, ready to kill whatever idiot came up with this shit.

Fallout 76

I was excited for Fallout 76. A MMORPG where players band together to rebuild society after a nuclear apocalypse. Could have been great. Pity it wasn’t.

Fallout 76 is a dreadful game. Not only is it a buggy, glitchy mess that requires a constant online connection to play, which could result in you losing hours of progress if your WiFi went down, it’s also unbelievably tedious, and that’s because there’s nothing to do in the game. There’s no other characters to interact with, the various robots and computers you come across are really little more than quest givers, there’s no actual plot so to speak, and because of the sheer size of the world and the number of players allowed on a server, the chances of you actually meeting any actual players is remote. And let’s not forget all the behind the scenes drama. Bethesda falsely advertising Fallout themed canvas bags and players getting shitty nylon ones. Bethesda accidentally releasing the account information of various players trying to get a refund for said bag. Bethesda failing to program the year 2019 into the game code, meaning that the game’s nukes don’t work.

Maybe there’s a chance that Bethesda could pull a No Man’s Sky and fix everything over the coming years with various patches and DLCs, but the damage has already been done. It’s incredibly disappointing. The Elder Scrolls 6 is going to have be fucking incredible to win everyone back.

Mama Mia!: Here We Go Again

I can’t stand jukebox musicals anyway, but Mamma Mia was always one of the worst. Its boring, meandering story with its one note, obnoxious cast of characters screeching out ABBA songs like they’re at some drunken karaoke session at some poor sod’s hen party has always grated on my nerves. So imagine my delight when they announced we were getting a sequel. Ever wondered how Meryl Streep met her three lovers and founded her hotel? No? Well tough shit, we’re going to tell you anyway.

Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again is basically just Mamma Mia again. The actors still can’t sing, the characters are still annoying and story is still boring and meandering, completely at the mercy of the chosen songs rather than the filmmakers using the songs to compliment the story (you know? Like proper musicals do?).

How can I resist you? Very easily as it turns out. Gimme, gimme, gimme a fucking gun so I can end my misery.

The Cloverfield Paradox

A lot of people were unhappy about the direction Cloverfield was going. They wanted a continuation of the found footage, kaiju movie from 2008, not an anthology series. I was personally all in favour. Partially because I thought the first Cloverfield was a tad overrated, but mostly because I thought it would be a great opportunity for more experimental film projects and could be a great launchpad for new writers and filmmakers. 10 Cloverfield Lane was a great start. Then The Cloverfield Paradox happened.

The Cloverfield Paradox is basically JJ Abrams trying to have his cake and eat it too. Maintaining the anthology format whilst connecting everything together in a ‘shared universe’ (yes, yet another shared universe). The result was a cliched, poorly edited and idiotic mess of a film that actually took away from the previous two films rather than added to them. Everyone hated it and, as a result, 2018′s Overlord, which was totes going to be part of the Cloververse, was made its own standalone film and Abrams double pinky promised to make a true sequel to the original Cloverfield. A complete and total disaster. No wonder it was a straight-to-Netflix film.

The Handmaid’s Tale - Season 2

This is probably going to be the most controversial entry on the list, but please hear me out because I’m not the only one who has a problem with this season.

I was reluctant to watch The Handmaid’s Tale simply because of how gruesome the original book was, but I forced myself to watch the first season and I thought it was pretty good. It remained faithful to the source material for the most part and included some nice additions that helped to expand the story and mythos. If it was just a one off mini-series, everything would have been fine. But then they made the same mistake as The Man In The High Castle and Under The Dome did where they commissioned another season and attempted to tell a story that goes beyond the book.

There’s a reason why the original story ended where it did. The Handmaid’s Tale isn’t meant to be an empowering story about women sticking it to the patriarchy. It’s a cautionary tale about how fragile our civil rights truly are and how easily they can be taken away from us. It’s designed to shock, not to satisfy. So seeing a handmaid blow herself up in a suicide bombing feels very incongruous and just a little bit silly. It would be like doing a TV adaptation of George Orwell’s 1984 where the first season followed the source material and then the second season turned Winston Smith into this heroic freedom fighter trying to overthrow Big Brother. It would represent a fundamental misunderstanding of what the book was about in the first place.

And then of course there’s the increased level of violence in Season 2, which many have complained about. In Season 1 and the original source material, the violence was justified. In Season 2, the motivation behind the violence has gone from ‘how can we effectively demonstrate how easily a fascist patriarchy can happen in the West?’ to ‘what brutal act can we inflict upon Ofglen to shock the audience this week?’ It’s purely for shock and nothing more. And with the showrunner (who I feel I should mention is a man) announcing that he has planned ten seasons of this, it seems that The Handmaid’s Tale is going to go even further with this depravity until it effectively becomes the equivalent of a Saw film.

The Handmaid’s Tale exists as a way of shining light on and critiquing misogyny in its most extreme form. Season 2 however demonstrates that there is a serious risk of it becoming the very thing it’s criticising in the first place.

The Predator

I love the Predator franchise, but The Predator is the worst.

People thought that this would be good because director Shane Black had actually starred in the first Predator movie back in 1987. Instead we got this bloated, confusing, obnoxious and insulting mess of a film that seems to go out of its way to ruin everything that makes Predator so good. There’s no tension. No suspense. No intrigue. Just a bunch of gore, explosions and shitty one liners from annoying and lifeless characters. They essentially took this big alien game hunter from outer space and turned him into a generic monster from a bad summer blockbuster. It no longer hunts for sport. It wants to take over the world and splice our DNA with theirs. But don’t worry, a rogue Predator doesn’t want to kill humans (even though he himself kills a bunch of humans), so he gives us a Predator Iron Man suit to set up a sequel that will probably never happen because this movie was a box office bomb and it fucking SUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKEEEEEDDDD!!!

This film also has a very nasty streak towards those with disabilities. There’s a lot of jokes at the expense of a character with Tourette’s and it has an extremely ignorant and patronising view of autism, portraying the main character’s kid as being a super genius who can decipher the Predator language and even going so far as to say that he represents ‘the next stage of human evolution.’ Presumably the Predators want social communication difficulties because apparently it helps them hunt somehow.

What with Disney acquiring 20th Century Fox, the future of both the Alien and Predator franchises were very much in question. This film needed to be a success in order to make a case for Disney to keep making more of them. It wasn’t. Congratulations Shane Black. You might have just killed off this franchise for good. Thanks arsehole! :D

So those were my least favourite stories from 2018. Join me on Wednesday where we shall discuss something more positive. Yes, it’s awards season. Who shall win the coveted Quill Seal Of Approval? Watch this space...

Or don’t. It’s up to you. I don’t want to force you or anything. It’s a free country.

[ikonislife]

My Professor 7

-Hanbin x Reader (Professor!Hanbin)

-1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

-It was universally known that friend with benefit between best friends would be a chaotic ride from the start till the heartbreak of either one or both party. No one says anything about being in one with your dear professor…

-Rated M for language, mention of sex (secretly rated B for bullshit 😏)

The past few weeks, to say it was a whirlwind of emotions and deceits was to say the least. You and him, hearts golden with the purest of desires yet in this tainted world you both had built and the poisonous net woven from lies in which you both share, somewhere along those blurred lines of lust and anger, the wondrous feeling of being love was lost. Even now as you lay in his arms, warm breath tickling your messy locks and heart swell from the gentle protective hold around your waist, a bitterness biting at the edge of your happiness. 

Despite the happy reunion a mere day ago, there were so much left unsaid, much more said and done. You were twirling down a dangerous path, a habitual path of blinding happiness shrouding you both in an indifferent to the world surrounding you, to the potential problems and threats that could shatter everything yet neither of you were willing to address. Sometimes, ignorant isn’t bliss and you learned that the hard way. There was, still is so much you don’t know about the wonderful man laying right beside you and although to a lesser degree, you’d ponder a guess that he knows next to nothing about the you outside of the late nights and school work. “You’re over thinking again.” As shock as you are with the sudden intrusion of the all too familiar rasp of his morning voice, you’re glad… Glad that once more what greet you when day break isn’t the dreadfulness of bearing through another day watching Hanbin be happy with someone else. He’s here, he’s right beside you and for all that matter in the world, he’s yours. “I’m not…” You whine in denial but judging by the giggle croaking from his dry throat, Hanbin isn’t buying it. “I think I’m qualify to definitively say when my girlfriend is over thinking by now, all just by hearing your sighs. Come on, love. Even if I seems like a bumbling idiot head over heels for you all the time, I pay attention enough.” Soft hand tugging at your shoulder, Hanbin wants nothing more than to have a good look at the face he has only had the pleasure to meet in his dreams the past few weeks. To hear you, to feel you under his arms and now, to see you… There’s nothing quite like these moments to make his heart swell thousand times over. The way you’re staring at him, even with the uneasiness rising from your sorrowful sighs, Hanbin wouldn’t trade this moment for anything in the world. 

“Are you not happy? Did I do something to make you regret… this?” His words sour as they leave his lips, but it was necessary. After all, had he been honest with you the entire time, all the heartbreak could’ve been avoided and by the way your eyes softening, the way you’re so intimately pushing closer to his chest, Hanbin has a feeling you feel the same. “No, nothing like that. I swear. It’s just, everything happened so fast and I just couldn’t help but think… Feel like we’re missing something.” “Is this going to make me cry again? Because I think I’d much rather spend my morning kissing you.” An unexpected need to cage you in his arms, to hold you so tight it’s borderline torture surges through his chest as Hanbin pulls you close, fingers carding so delightfully through your hair as if knowing this will ease the tension winding up so tightly in your chest. “I don’t think so, at least I hope not… Eventually.” “I like the sound of that, I think.” With your face still bury deep within the galaxy blooming within the confinement of his chest and the arms snaking around your body so lovingly, you take in a long whiff of everything that is Hanbin and let your mind wander. It sure was a crazy rollercoaster the moment your eyes had met in that barely functioning hallway of the math building. You knew from the beginning, the ironclad contract you’ve both drawn up to protect yourself from hurt was never going to work but did you ever care? There has always been something more to the physical attraction between the young professor and your naïve self, that something transcends even the most magnificent of high Hanbin had ever given you. Being here, now, you’d be lying if changing the past isn’t what your heart desire and erasing the pain isn’t what you wish for, that’d be nonsense for there are many, much less preposterous ways to get here. Yet again, had it not been for all the hardship and the lonely nights spent wishing Hanbin was caressing your hair the way he does so gently now, would you be so willing to dive right into a relationship with a man you barely knew. The distrust you had of being toy with was always unfounded not because you knew him but because of the nature of your relationship, you weren’t in one. So, for all intends and purposes, for better or worse, you really wouldn’t give this past few weeks up for anything for every pain, there’s a lesson behind it. And hopefully, Hanbin feels the same. The morning spent entangled between the sheets, but it wasn’t lost to the moans of lust but rather soft smiles and tender touches. He held you till the last seconds of the AM and well into the latter, gentle kisses fluttered its wings upon your hair then your skin. Hums of contentment would reach your ears occasionally when Hanbin found the grasp of your hand delightfully desperate or simply just when he rediscovered the happiness residing within having someone to wake up to. Soon enough the peaceful air of a lovely morning disturbed by the grumbling of his stomach and the awkward chuckles at the realization he had forgotten all about the dinner he had promised you the night before. Then again, it wasn’t as though you were in such a hurry for food because what Hanbin had to offered was much better than any substance of this world. “So, should we talk about what’s been bothering you?” Lunch safely tucked away in the confinement of his stomach, Hanbin figures, it’s as good a time as any to once and for all, dispel any doubts and properly begin this new chapter of his life. Well, before he loses all his words and control that is, not at all used to having you once again be a part of his daily life. Even just now, observing the way you sip your tea, as simple as leaning against his kitchen counter in the soft flowy dress you had insisted on wearing to hide your food baby, he’s breathless. “Before I…” You pause, wondering, fearful that he might not understand, of how this could just rip away everything wonderful you’ve had thus far with him. “Before I bring up my concerns, I just want to make clear one thing. I love you. There’s no changing that and whatever I’m about to say, none of that affects how I feel about you.” As silent settles over the room crisp with the slight breeze of autumn and warm still from the lingering sunshine of summer clinging onto its reign, Hanbin shares with you his understanding the only way he knows how, the way you had shown him. A kiss presses firmly onto your lips as your man had near teleported across the small room to reach you. Kiss after kiss, words of love muttered, lost within the softness of his lips and aggressiveness of his tongue. “But often time, the reality of what should be done and what the heart wants aren’t always the same. But regardless of the world, I love you.” “That’s all I’ve wanted. And I hope you too understand I’m so moonstruck, stupid in love with you.” “I know you do but, I need to get it off my chest this guilt…” Momentarily tearing yourself away from his hold, though that’s proving to be an impossible task for his hand so securely around your jaw, thumb petting at your cheek with that daze look in his eyes as if you’ve somehow hypnotized him. “I’ve played myself off as the victim but this whole mess, it was all on me.” “Y/n… Don’t say that.” Pain, pain floods his eyes and it only amplify the sadness within your heart “No, j-just let me.” Heavy sigh falling from your bruised lips, your dejected gaze pierces through his heart like thousand-volt lightening. A kiss to your hair before the gentle hand guide you toward the living room’s couch, and although he wants to shower you in affection, Hanbin decides perhaps it’d be best to give you space for being an overbearing boyfriend isn’t what you need right this moment. “Sometimes I feel like I’m a little psychotic, you know. I thought up of this whole crazy scenario between you and the she-devil.” “Sweetheart!” Hanbin exclaims, near falling off his seat, probably out of sheer shock rather than disagreement judging by the little grin blooming on his lips. Well whatever the reason, at least your little ploy of easing the tension so high strung throughout his body was a big success as he dives for your hands, patting them but everyone knows he’d much rather spank something else. “Sorry. Heejin. I forgot you guys are best friend and all.” “I wouldn’t go that far but go on.” Laughs and giggles gone, the air begins to thicken with all the glory of a regretful past. Chest heavy and perhaps soul even more, your path to clarity clouding before your eyes. “It was incredibly immature of me to even be mad at you to begin with. Obviously, circumstances are different now, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I was irrational with my baseless jealousy. It was in our agreement to be upfront if one of us catches feeling and that’s what I should’ve done. Instead, I looped you in this crazy goose chase, making out with Hoseok, and quite honestly, I treated you horribly. I’m sorry for that.” Through it all, you knew it wasn’t right, that you had no right treating Hanbin the way you did yet when it comes to matter of the heart, you were never the strongest. No matter how guilty you feel after the fact or how many times the word “sorry” will be uttered, the act was done. “I can’t say I was okay with what happened or that deep down, still, I’m not hurt. But I understand why you did it. I can’t even begin to count the times I’ve near lost it. Do you realize how many times I’ve had to pinch myself, take that pain as a reminder of who I am and where I was. The consequences not just on me but on you also if I were to pummel your blue hair friend? What kind of disastrous outcome would’ve play out if I couldn’t, hadn’t control myself from kissing you in front of everyone?” “But that’s just it. You and I, we-we’re on completely different playing field. Don’t you see it, Hanbin? I’m just a kid in all sense of the world. I think I understand love, but the fact of the matter is, I treat it like some high school crush bullshit. I throw a tantrum when thing doesn’t go my way and damn everyone else. But you… You suffered through it all with grace and maturity I don’t even dare dream of. And that scares me.” Your heart was no longer your own but are you really ready for that, for the biggest commitment that with just one wrong move, everyone will lose. “I fear the day when you truly see me as I am, a girl barely- No, I couldn’t be any further away from your league. I’ve always said age is just number and never before have I’ve been this wrong.” You can’t bear it, looking at the galaxies within his eyes, the way they gloss over with an unbearable sadness because Hanbin knows, he knows exactly where this conversation was heading toward. “I think we need to reevaluate our relationship, whatever this is.” “Excuse me?” You expected dejection, desperation and hell, even begging but that, that wasn’t any of the aforementioned. Your eyes tore away from the depth of the grey fabric of his couch to witness what you’ve never seen before, anger. Anger was flashing so clearly in those eyes you had come to associate with the warmth of a rainy morning spent under the cover and it’s almost unfathomable despite it being display so clearly right in front of you. “I-I…” “Whatever this is? God, Y/n, were you actually here for any of the conversation we had? Or was that just some empty shell of a person I was talking to.” He seethes, displeasure grinding through his teeth and despair frowns upon his lips. “You say you love me, but you still can’t get yourself to admit that we’re in a relationship. Boiling everything I’ve given you to ‘whatever this is. You know there used to be a time when I despised you. ‘Relationship’” A frustrating air quotation thrown up, the way he enunciates each syllable, it was almost as if derision buried deep within the slight scoff and you’re not sure what to feel. “You know I hated when you say it like that, the big R-word, as if you’re allergic to it. Is it so preposterous in your mind, a relationship between you and I? A cardinal sin? Or is it just commitment in general?” Frustration strung so high and the air that was once comforting slowly poisoning you with every breath you take. Hanbin had long gone from his seat and so was the him that had showered you in kisses and love just a few hours ago. Exasperation tearing through those soft chocolate locks as he paces about the place, trying, desperate for any sign, anything to reel him back to this absurd reality. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that… You have to understand.” “But I don’t, Y/n. I don’t know what else I can give you, what else to do to make you believe that we’re good together. I mean, if this was your goal all along, why did you even bother with giving me a slice of heaven because to never have hurt much less than to watch it being taken away.” Vexation taut on his forehead, Hanbin stares at you with all the incredulity he could muster, trying his best, doing his best to convey the desperation of his heart.   “Because it’s impossible, you and I… You deserve more and right now, I don’t know if I can be more.” You’re not angry, neither are you frustrated.  You didn’t expect him to understand because frankly, you don’t understand it fully yourself. It seemed so simple, forget the past and move one. Just be happy in Hanbin’s arms and look toward the future. Now, now everything seems so messed up despite his wish for you to remain by his side. “I love you and nothing would make me happier than committing to you, being in a relationship with you.” “Then why, why are you still questioning me? Questioning us?” Body thrown into the soft cushion, Hanbin winces at the void where sunshine once was in your despondent gaze. Hands softly grazing against the bare skin of your arms, one kiss then two softly conveying his neediness, the desperation being worn so precariously on his sleeves for you to look at him the same way, with the same wonder filled eyes you had just the night before. “Because we don’t match. How many times do I have to say it.” A voice you didn’t realize was within your soul reaches up, forcing its way out of your lips and before you could stop it, rears its ugly head toward the man you’d much rather whisper sweet nothing to. “I don’t know who’ve burn you in the past but I’m not him, get that right.” Hanbin, the mysterious air shrouding your man was something you simply ignored but now, there’s no denying the fact that beneath those kind eyes and soft smile, those mesmerizing dimples, another side of him exist and it’s not the one you affectionately refer to as “daddy”. He’s complex, smoother than well-aged whiskey yet there’s no denying the rough edges of the bitterness behind each wise word out of his lips. You’ve been fortunate enough to catch glimpses of this man but never the pleasure of having a dance. “You talk about the differences in our league but as I see it, you’re just short selling yourself.” There was no word, nothing that had been invented, existed for as long as the Earth has lived to describe the surge of emotions pumping through your aching heart. Dredging up the past, digging up the dirt, part of you want nothing to do with it yet there was the other part of you that fear the unknown. And since when, your body hadn’t even grasp it, tears once more falling from your fluttering lashes. “Because who could believe that a guy like you would go for someone like me. This isn’t some high school love anymore; the differences aren’t just social clique. I’m irrational, hell, childish. My emotions control my brain and quite honestly, I don’t even know how to deal with my own problems. Fact of the matter is, mature guys like yourself don’t waste their time on brats like me. And, that had never been clearer in my mind before now, Heejin really puts everything in perspective for me. I’m just… inferior in every way. When she sits next to you, as much as it pains me to admit, you two just matched.” You stutter and stumble but it’s crystal clear to Hanbin. Arms already constricting around your shivering frame, he coos comforting words and once more the salvation of his love spreading through your body from the kisses he bestowed. “Spending time with Jiwon, I realized that I know nothing about you at all. He questioned my trust for you and I realize, I don’t know. I don’t know the first thing about you let alone know how to be your girlfriend. I-I…” “Do you fear that this is nothing but a game in my eyes? Or that one day I’ll wake up and be bored of you? Or that I’m someone completely different when I’m away from you? Is that it?” Not a word uttered but he understood, he understood because those questions… They too are, were what he feared most as he watched you skipping down the hall of the university, a smile bright on your lips and friends… No, guys surrounding you. What ifs are what ifs for a reason but let anything fester for long enough, even dirt becomes diamond. “I feel so vulnerable, raw and naked for the world to see when I miss you. And when you’re not with me, I need you like crazy. But there’s no helping the small part of myself from thinking this, I’m just a small notch in your life stream… A small notch that won’t amount to anything.” Your eyes finally met, for the first time since you bare your heart open, you really search his eyes for any sign at all, anything that would convince you that this was the right thing to do even if it meant leaving Hanbin... What you found instead, all the reasons to stay. “Trust me when I say, if I could parade you around for the world to see, I would. We both know our circumstances aren’t what people called normal. And believe me, I have just as much questions, if not more about the you that exist beyond the realm that revolves around me, and I would be lying if I say doubt had never crossed my mind.” A soft sigh falling from those redden bruised lips, Hanbin stares into the distant as if somewhere along the fluttering curtain, a movie of the past playing so clearly, calling of a happier time so enticing and endearing.  “In the beginning, there were nights so restless I began to wonder what my little night owl was up to and, as insane as this might sound, I’ve wondered if you were with someone else. Attractive single girl, the people you’ve made acquaintance of, the non-existing bound between us, it wasn’t too farfetched to think you’re tipsy at one of those frat party or flirting with some guy at a random club.” Hanbin chuckles bitterly, he was a man of many talents, jack of all trades he had been described on occasions. But what he isn’t… what he isn’t, is the master of jealousy. In the decade since he knew what heartbreak is, there were times when jealousy had burn him and everything he loved dearly. Hanbin swore to himself, never again will it affect his heart but, in the end, the last laugh wasn’t one heaved by him. In the end, trust isn’t something he possesses. “I’m a jealous guy. That’s even putting it lightly, if I’m being totally honest. I take pride in being a know it all, being in control of every single aspect of the relationship but love is a funny thing. Love isn’t something you put a leash on and hope for the best. It’s shared, it’s built by two people equally, and it isn’t something to be control. I’ve failed so many times, I hurt the person I loved and been hurt… All because I was jealous. And as much as I’d like to deny it, jealousy breeds doubts.” As the personal details of his past slowly being drags into the light, you could feel the hold around your body tighten, a possessiveness that you’ve never experienced before. Sure, Hanbin had always staked his claim, protective and borderline obsessive with knowing you were his physically. Yet, this moment, it’s so much more. The gaze being shared by the both of you, it was loving yet underlying, a feeling much more primal than that of two hearts simply wanting to be together. It was need, a desire to be each other’s one and only… And, it’s wonderful. “With you, it’s different. Even before I knew your heart was truly what I sought after, even before I knew you wanted me, I didn’t care. It was as though all these years of heartbreak, of being scare, the scars, they were all lifted off my body and I feel so light. In my darkest moment of wanting to be your everything but knowing it was impossible, sweetheart, you’ve always been my light. I don’t know how much thought you put in your goodnight texts, or the millions other gestures of affection you’ve graced me with. But to me, they were everything. All my fears, all of that gone, because you decided I was important enough to have a little bit of your thought, a few seconds of your day.  Happiness was all I could feel in those moment and I don’t know since when, no longer did I laid alone at night wondering in jealousy, wallowing in distrust and I realized, I’m so perfectly and contently happy. For the first time in my life, I was okay with not being a control freak. I was okay with not knowing where you were every second of the day because I trust you.” Thumb caressing, replacing the warmth soaked from tears with happiness, Hanbin presses a gentle kiss to your nose then your lips. Words he wanted to speak for so long flooding from his anxious heart, no longer able to bear the weight of reservation. “Hanbin, you don’t even know how happy I’d be to receive a text from you. If you ask my roommate, she’d tell you what a crazy person I am fussing over what she thought was just a simple goodnight text. Or, or how long it even took me to muster up the courage to send one text, fearing you’d hate me for crossing the line. To me, it was everything, to be able to talk to you. Just talk, no sex, no math… Just good honest conversation. I craved those moments. I- I’m so smitten, I don’t know what to do with myself.” “Then just this one time, let go of your fear… For me, for us. Will you do that, sweetheart?” He pulls you into his chest and you let him, wanting to be in his arms for the rest of your life. The universe had blessed you with genuine love and a perfect man, even as fuck up as the road had been leading here… Everything is perfect, Hanbin is perfect. “I will, always.” Never before has his body move as fast as it did now, lips already pressing to tightly against yours, devouring them in a fury of neediness and joy. Hanbin’s torn, sharing an innocent kiss of a love no longer teetering on the edge of a crumbling cliff but one resting upon the unwavering foundation of trust. His chest light and heart blooming with the force of every spring in the last twenty something years of his life leading up to meeting you. Yet there was still the part of him, insatiable in his craving of a taste so delectable he could only liken it to heaven. No paradise on this Earth could offer the sensation provided by you, no treasure could amount to the richness your body left him after hours of moans lost in the air. It was a taste so decadent it haunted his dreams day and night, left him so desperate no amount of self-serve satisfaction could quench his thirst. Perhaps it was the months long drought you’ve left him in, perhaps it was the distant despite seeing each other nearly every day, but his body was no longer his own. It was as if every function, every movement, control by you and the way your little fingers dancing along his ribcage, soft pads tickling life back into his smooth skin. With every second past, his resolve of starting out this relationship properly, to forget the sinful beginning of the past was melting away faster than ice cream in summer heat. The last of his control snapped when the softness of your tongue mixing intricately with the sweetness of your cherry lip balm finally breach the confinement of his lips, chasing his own. A soft “fuck” signifies the last of his patient vaporizing along with the thin material of your dress, tossing away with reckless abandon. He was lost, it was as though this is the first time all over again, the very first moment he laid eyes upon your perfect body. He couldn’t believe it, the smoothness of your skin painted to perfection with the purple blooms he had left no too long ago. The flawless curves of your breast seeming almost shy under the scrutinizing of his eyes even if the gentle pawing against his bulge would suggest otherwise. You took his breath away, again. Hanbin couldn’t believe the sensation tingling beneath his fingertips as they dig so deep within the softness of your breasts, heavy breath drawn deep with each contraction of his hands. Hanbin is experienced and there was no shame in admitting his minor obsession over the bosom of a woman because really, who wouldn’t. Breasts are God’s gift to every horny straight man with a functioning dick, or otherwise really. He’s not one to judge. Yet with you, it’s almost mortifying the way he lusts over them, knowing exactly what would incite a moan and what, a cuss. There’s an exact science behind his method in unraveling your resolve, and Hanbin sure as hell isn’t scare of exercising his power over you with. His touches rough at first, fingers digging deep into the softness of your skin, kneading and pressing until you’re a mere one degree away from pain. Completely inappropriate and there has got to be better metaphor out there but he had likened it to his childhood day, of squeezing a water balloon, testing its limit to see what would make it burst… Or in your case, what would unleash the tightly woven coil within your stomach. Once satisfied, Hanbin would move on to treating them with the gentlest of touch, as if he had never known the aggression that was there just seconds ago. Palms flatten, his hand hover just enough to tickle your skin but not so close as to register it even as a touch. Softly ghosting over the sensitive skin, he’d circle then glide, brushing so delicately against the harden nubs, reveling in the way your aching body shiver under his vices. “H-Hanbin, I can’t-“ You mewl out, a sentence lost within the heavy breath weighed down by the intensity of, well, everything. “So soon? You nod fervidly, there’s no hiding the breath choking in your throat and the way your thighs squeezing together desperately, back pressing up against his toned chest out of pure reflex. Barely touching yet Hanbin already got you melting under his firm hands, clutching tightly onto his biceps despite the strong hold of his leg over your torso. Your mind burns from the gratification of his touch and skin steaming from the hot kisses fluttering against the bare skin of your shoulders. “I-I need… It’s been too long.” Fuck, has it always been this hard? There isn’t an ounce of patient left within your unraveling body to ignore the throbbing hard dick pressing, grinding so deliciously at your lower back. “Yes?” He’s playing you, there wasn’t a hair of what you had thought was the desperation in the way he devoured your lips just minutes ago. It’s now deep and seductive, the buttery smooth answer drawn out, lingering as if enticing you to chase it. You fist your hands into the sleeves of his shirt, wanting so desperately to give into him but there was still a tiny seed of pride, stubbornness residing within your abandoned ironclad resolve. He knows exactly what you want, Kim Hanbin always know what you want yet he’s so blatant in his refusal to acknowledge this fact. It’s ridiculous, stupid even that your ego was even holding you back from diving into the blue lagoon of all your wants and needs, when you want him this much. “Oh, come on, you’re just going to leave me hanging?” Warm breath tickling your ear as he coos so softly and innocently. “What is it you want, baby?” the infinitesimal gratification from the soft nibbling of his teeth on the softness of your ear forces a moan so deep within your chest, it dissolves whatever reservation left within your willful mind. “I need you. I need you so much.” You breathe out with the last fleck of patient, muffling your satisfaction within the softness of his palm and Hanbin melts. Any other day, any other time, he’d have hold out, torturing you to the brink of insanity before unleashing bouts of waves so intense, by the second he was satisfied, you were a mere shell without a soul. Not today, Hanbin was once more reminded of how much he needs you, of the safe haven you provided and just how powerful your spell is. Not that he needed to be spellbound to stay, he’s happily, willingly, and want nothing more but to be wrap around your finger. “I’m here, I will always be here.” In that split second, his statement transcends the simple physical needs screaming by your aching bodies, in that split second, he finally has you. His statement answers your lustful request, yes, but beyond that, he wants you to know he will be here no matter what, till the end of time, you have him. Yet the calling of primitive needs is beyond that of any logical reason for not a second later, you’re being whisk away by the pair of strong arms you’re all too familiar with. Bumpy steps and teeth knocking in a harmonious mess of a kiss, his hands imprinting on the curve of your ass pushing your core further into himself. No longer were his touches controlled and gentle, no longer in possession of his mind, Hanbin lets himself go and let the instinct take hold of his action. Clothes strew across the warm padded carpet floor, his movements rush in getting you back to the place so much time was spent lost in the trance of not only lust, but also love. As you crassly landing against the velvety softness of his bed, you’re lost. You’re so lost within the starlit space residing within his eyes, so loving yet filled with so much needs. He stares at you for what felt like eternity, fingers so delicately brushing against your hair, occasionally letting the soft pads pressing shiver into your scalp. Suddenly it was as though you’re both falling for each other all over again and this time, you’re both wonderfully aware of it. Hanbin thought of the many times before, you pinned under his weight, moaning his name. In those moment, as unchaste as his thought had been while pounding you into the sheet, he had wondered what it’d be like to be in love… No, to have someone like you wanting, needing his heart. Time and time again he brushed it off when the guttural calling of his name reminded him of what you needed him for that very second, reeled him back to reality. Before he could catch on to his own reality, he had fallen for you, hard. “You alright, baby?” The soft petting of your finger against his rosy cheeks draws out a smile from his chapped lips as he nuzzles into the crook of you neck, wet kisses littering their way to your chest. “More than alright.” Like magnet to metal, his lips without needing guiding, find their way back toward your breast, encasing your aching nipples in a wonderful game of tug of war. Your breath stolen right out of your chest, eyes screw shut when he rolls the harden bud in between his teeth, fingers teasing the other. “I thought about all those times when it seemed like such a preposterous thing.” A sharp inhale caught your attention, and silent, you wait and wait but Hanbin says nothing more, focus return to your body. When your eyes finally flutter open, he was once more staring at you, a daze smile on his lips. “You, loving me… Seemed so crazy.” “Yet here we are.” Your reply so gentle, yet the force stirring within his stomach, the electricity passing through his heart, unparalleled to anything of this world. “Yet here we are.” He dumbly repeating back your words, both arms caging your head as a passionate kiss finds its way onto your lips. As the clock ticks by, the kiss only grows stronger, messier, and beyond anything either of you have experienced before. He kisses you with reckless abandon, not even the metal tinge of blood could deter the needy man. “Finally…” You sigh in between moans. “Finally?” “I know you don’t want to think about it, but that day when I kissed Hoseok in front of you and Heejin… It was a good kiss, Hoseok was a great kisser, but it wasn’t right.” Hands gently hugging the sharp curve of his jawlines, you peel yourself away from the bed to place a kiss on his lips.  “I had thought, kissing is kissing. What people said about being so lost within a kiss and forgetting the world, bullshit. And I hadn’t even realized it until I...” The small scowl on Hanbin’s lips was all too telling of the pain still etching deep in his heart, pain perhaps too soon to be mention even if you’re both about to share what many would consider the most intimate act of any relationship.  “It was for all intended purposes, steamy and hot but it just, I felt empty, disappointed. With you, even that small kiss on my nose felt like thousand volts current ran through my chest.” “Baby…” Hanbin couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t help but softly coos at the sentiment being spoken. Yet before any more time could be wasted, your lips was back on his, fingers exploring his body as if his skin, the landscape of an uncharted universe. Small sighs of contentment mingling with sharp breaths, Hanbin loves the neediness of your grasp and desperation in your kisses. Even with the weight of his body resting so securely atop yours, it still isn’t enough. “Sweetheart, I don’t think I can wait much longer…” Hanbin mutters shakily, index meandering its way down your body, skin tingling so deliciously underneath its path. A soft hum and eyes fluttering close, you fall into his kiss once more, letting his tongue glides across your lower lips, completely abiding to the slick muscle breaching the barrier. “Don’t wait” You whimper breathily, barely a sound leaving your throat but it seems he got the idea full and well. Thick length nudging into the side of your hip, his fingers had reached their intended destination as they waste no time in delving into your wetness. They’re not shy in their movement and neither is Hanbin in his rutting for any contact at all with the warmth of your body. The further you wriggle away from him, the harder his thrust. You desperately want to be still, to let him have the gratification so well earned but how could you when his index and middle fingers are encasing your clit in the most wonderful waltz. Gentle pinch leaving you arching off the bed from the sheer intensity of the raging fire residing in your core, then soft petting, almost endearing in the way his fingers soothe your flame back to ember. “H-Hanbin, your clothes…” Inebriated and too far gone in your high, the past few minutes was spent uselessly pawing at his jeans. It doesn’t take Hanbin long to fulfill your request, bare torso pressing up against yours as your moan muffled by his kiss. Fingers still slicked with your nectar, his hand nestles right back to where they belong atop the curve of your breast, Hanbin rolls his hips with ease right into you. You whimper pathetically when the next swivel of his hips leaves you burning with desire when his harden length so perfectly aligned, rubbing right against your core. Without warning and definitely without mercy, raw pleasure spreads through your spine as Hanbin thrust deep inside, the air in your aching lungs escape in a loud gasp that seems to satisfy the man. Your body curl, nails digging deep into the depth of his bed and the last sight to grace your eyes was that of his length disappearing right into you. A grin fleetingly ghosts over his lips before that too disappearing into a devilish smirk, leaving you quivering in anticipation. His hands stroking over thighs, trailing pleasure along the sensitive skin, overstimulated and definitely wasn’t prepared as they shake uncontrollably under the scraping of his nails. This was the first time, as rough as he had with you and as adventurous, Hanbin had never forgo foreplay out of his own pure, untainted desire before. He was always meticulous. It didn’t matter if that night you were both to make love right beside the flickering of the fake fireplace glowing from the screen of his laptop or your cheeky self was to receive the punishment of the century for not obeying his order… Hanbin was always in control of himself. Whether he had planned to fuck you or it was simply heat of the moment, there always had been an order to the way he does anything. And honestly, this very moment, watching him breathing down on you with darkness clouding over those loving eyes, knowing he’s just as clueless as you are as to what happens next, it’s thrilling. Strong arms pinning your hips down, Hanbin keeps you on the edge of the seat in the way his dick so torturously slow pulling back out. Your heart races in anticipation, ignoring the dull pain emanating from the large void he left, wincing when his movement halt to a stop. But before you could acclimate to the softness of his touches, Hanbin return with more vigor than before, strong thrust leaving you dopey, ecstasy paints across your face and for a second, he wonders if you were crying in pleasure or in pain. Then again, by the cusses falling from your lips and flush on your cheeks, Hanbin ganders a bet that it was both. “Fuck, daddy…” Your calling to the persona long associated with hoarse voice and sore body chokes into a cry and you brace for another impact. One breath than two, silent falls over the lustful air left you empty. “No daddy tonight, just me, just Hanbin.” He whispers, warm breath and deep voice tickling the shell of your ears like skillful maestro over ivories. “Hanbin…” His name lost in a hushed moan, words are hard to form when you’re pinned under the weight of his love. The memory of the very first time you had sex with Hanbin come rushing back, filling your mind with the most wonderful sentiment. It was so much like tonight yet so different. You could still remember the glee in his eyes as you cried for him, for his name, for the very first time. It hadn’t really piqued your interest then as to why but now, you understand it clearly. You and him, professor and student, daddy and baby girl, and now, just a man and the woman he loves. There’s a sense of belonging, you’re his daylight and he’s your home. There wasn’t a single doubt, no fake façade to satisfy your sexual needs but rather, the sensual touches and passionate cries for each other a byproduct of the love you both share, hearts beating as one. You sing his name over and over as the world melts away in a timeless loop of heavenly pleasure. Deep grunts of a frustration, pressure building so high Hanbin thought of the first time he had ever experience what it’s like to be with a woman. It was as if he was sixteen all over again, ready to burst at the mere touch of a woman. His movement erratic, and the image of you twisting so delightfully under each thrust blurring under the curtain of his lashes, so addicting yet the way you’re clenching so tightly around his dick making it hard to keep his eyes open. Sweat dripping, dull aching spreading over every muscle of his body but Hanbin can’t falter yet, not when your moans only starting to build, high pitch whining echoing about his mind like song of heaven. “Baby, can I-“ He starts but the sentence proving too difficult to finish, mind hazy with the way your lips so enticingly rolling between your teeth, moan muffled, drawing blood but you couldn’t care less.  How tantalizing is the way your breasts bounce each time your bodies connect, soothing rhythm clouding his mind with its entrancing movements. The hands that were pressing so deeply into the smoothness of your skin hastily leaving dark blooms behind, grasping tightly onto vivacious swaying of your bosom, deep sigh leaving his lips. “Can I fuck you harder?” Without a word, your body begins to roll onto its side, pushing the needy man away from your sore self, eliciting a yelp of surprise. Face digging deep into the pillow, you did your best to elevate your lower half that was feeling much like it had just gone through a meat grinder. Not much energy left, you stumble, yet before you could crash right into the comforting softness of his bed, swift hands caught your hips, jutting your body upward, holding it in place. A hard smack finding itself ringing on your ass, the burn etching deep in your bone yet it was so delectable, leaving you craving for more. Your hips wiggle, pushing against the harden length still slick with your juice earning another hard spank, rough hand pushing your shoulders into the bed. Try as much as you may, any effort put into relaxing hinder from the sensitiveness of, well, everything. The world could implode this second and there isn’t a damn thing your worn body could do to react. Your thighs and legs aching, ass being spank raw and by the soft prodding of his tip, your core isn’t going to be in any better condition. Hanbin isn’t a man of many words once his dick takes over control, but the rare murmurs of that deep, seductive voice alone could make you cream right then and there. Hanbin grabs your hips and resume his thrusting, so powerful and strong he leaves you gripping the sheet for support. He’s giving it to you the way he promised and this very moment, you couldn’t discern if the ringing in your ears was your own moans or his. “Hanbin, come inside, please.” You moan, making the best effort to get the words out in between groans of anticipation and hisses of pleasure, stroking his ego further. Hanbin grunts audibly, ramming into you with all the force he could muster and with each guttural moan ripping from his throat, he’s one degree away from losing it. “Don’t stop, baby. Fuck as hard as you want.” As the last syllable of encouragement escape your lips, you could feel the string so wound up so tightly inside your stomach snaps, loud cry filling the lustful air of the room with satisfaction. With each thrust growing sloppier by the second, Hanbin focus on your cry for him to come undone and the warmth gushing, surrounding his dick with the release of your orgasm. Your cum and squirt dripping down his thighs, fueling the fire burning in his chest as he rams harder, sending you into oblivion. Oversensitive and exhausted, you could barely hang on as Hanbin chases his own release, and if not for the pair of desperate hand digging into the crook of your hips, you’d collapse. Fingers fisting the sheet, toes curling, your head lull sideway to peek at the man on the edge of the cliff of heaven, inching closer to your second ending. The mesmerizing sight of him enjoying the moment is almost too much, with his head cocks back, no longer was his eyes on you but rather shut tight, too lost in his own universe. As the second bout of pleasurable waves rip through your body, Hanbin utter a sensual “fuck” before his movement slows, the warmth of his cum soothes away the pain of the past hour of rough housing. Heavy pants and sweaty kisses, you crawl into his arms, letting the drumming of his heart lull your mind to rest. Just before you lose grasp of reality, a gentle kiss along with a loving utterance of “I love you” carry your tired self to dreamland. Your heart swell knowing by the time your eyes flutter open once more, “I love you” too will be what greets you back to the real world.

[jayne-writes]

Maia

A/N: So this is a surprise for @speedypan! She’s honestly an amazing person and I'm so glad I can call her a friend. I love you Doll! This is a few snippets of Layla and Maia’s lives, I hope you enjoy!

Maia belongs to @royslittleharper

Tags: @the-shadow-of-atlantis @speedypan @insideoflit

“So you’re dating my dad?”

“Uh, yeah. I am. Are you ok with that?” Maia answered, almost dreading Layla’s response.

“I mean I guess so,” Layla spoke, looking down and her feet. “Are you ok with me being here? Like in his life… and i guess yours too now?”

Looking at the blue haired girl who suddenly looked more like a child then a 18 year old, Maia smiled.

“Of course Layla. Yeah it was a bit of a shock, but honestly I'd be really happy to have you in my life.”

“So, Layla. What do you think? Is it a good idea?”

Looking over at his daughter, John Constantine felt worry overcome him like nothing he’d ever experienced.

“Seriously Dad, this is all you. But if you want it, you have my blessing,” Layla said looking at the diamond ring in her father’s hands. “And i have a funny feeling Maia is gonna feel the same.”

Smiling at his daughter, he couldn't help but feel sad for all the time they lost before finding each other. “You’re always going to be my kid. You know that right? We missed a lot but we’re still going to make up for lost time. I’m always going to be here.”

“I know Dad,” Layla said leaning into John’s side. “I know, and I’m always going to be there for you too.”

“Pregnant?” Layla asked.

“Yeah, Maia’s pregnant. Which means you’re going to have a sibling. You ok, Layla?”

Standing next to Layla, John put an arm around his daughter’s shoulders, watching carefully incase the girl fainted or something. With a bang, Maia sauntered over to the pair, looked them up and down, then dat on the couch.

“So not only did your father get me pregnant, Layla, he got me pregnant with freaking twins! You, John Constantine, are now officially enemy number one.”

Looking over at the pale face of her father, Layla couldn’t help but giggle. “You ok, Dad?” she asked, going to snuggle into Maia’s side.

“Uh.. yeah. Wait, Maia? Did you just say bloody twins? No. No way. Take them back. Exchange them or something!” John rambled.

“John!” Maia shouted, getting the man’s attention. “That’s not how it works, Dear. Now deal with it and get me some food,” she demands, being met with a mass of giggles from Layla and a still shocked John walking towards the kitchen.

“Never again!” Maia screams.

“Bloody hell, are you sure I have to be here for this?” John asks his wife.

“Yes! You freaking have to be here! It's my fault I'm here so that makes it your fault you're here too!” Maia spoke with a deadly quiet voice, grabbing her husband’s hand even tighter, making sure he got a bit of a chill too.

“Ok, guys, there is someone named Layla asking to come in-”

“Yes. Send her in! Dear, gods, send her in!” Maia interrupts the doctor.

Hearing her from down the hall, Layla makes her way to the room holding her family. The sight is plain comical. John looks like he’s in pain, his hand is even starting to turn blue. Maia looks ready to kiss John. ‘He must have said something stupid,’ Layla thought.

“Out! John get out of here! I don’t want to see you right now. Layla come here, bubbles. I need you. You’re father is useless!”

Grinning at her step-mother, Layla goes to hold her hand. “Go, Dad. I’ll let you know if anything happens. Get a coffee or something, I think you’ll need it.”

Holding her newborn sister, Layla couldn’t stop grinning. She’d never seen anything so small, it was incredible. Looking over at her boyfriend, she saw what could be there future one day, holding a baby that was a part of them.

“Do you want to know their names?” Maia asked, shaking Layla from her thoughts.

“Of course I want to know my brother and sister’s names!” Layla whisper scolded.

“Well,” John started. “You’re little brother’s name is Rocky. Rocky Nolan,” he finished, staring down at his tiny son, sleeping in his arms.

Smiling at her little brother, Layla turned to Maia, “And this little girl’s name?”

“Well,” Maia said nervously. “We want to name her Bea.”

“Those are so beautiful!” Layla said leaning into Dick’s side. “Is Bea getting a middle name?”

“She does, but I want you to remember that we and change it if you don’t like it, Layla,” her father said, looking into her eyes.

“Ok…”

“We want to name her Bea Gypsy. After your mother. She’s the reason you’re here with us, and we wanted to honour her.”

Looking at her step-mother, Layla had a few tears running down her face. “You want to give your daughter my mother’s name? Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Layla. We’re sure. It’s a beautiful name and I wish I could have met the woman that raised you to be so amazing.”

Layla could do nothing but hug Maia as the tears streamed down her face.

Before Layla could even knock on the door, Bea and Rocky whipped it open. Grinning at her siblings, they tackled her, being careful of the pronounced bump she was carrying.

“Hey, guys. Maybe let Layla inside and then shower her with love?” Dick asked from behind her. The twins looked at eachother and nodded, grabbing one of Layla’s hands each, they led her into the kitchen.

Seeing Layla, Maia smiled, shouting into the general direction of upstairs, letting her husband know that his eldest had arrived.

“Hey, Dick? Can we go play football again?” A 6 year old Rocky asked.

“Yeah! That was fun last time!” Bea added in.

Giving his wife a sidelong glance, he saw her nod and smile over to him. “Ok guys. I guess if Layla’s ok then we’ll go play out the back.”

“Go and have some fun, Dick,” Layla encouraged, watching the twins drag him towards the yard.

Looking over at her step-mother, who was collecting everything they would need for the weekly barbeque, Layla smiled.

“You know I love you right?”

Shocked at the sudden confession, Maia turned to look at the pregnant woman. “I know, Bubbles. I love you too.”

“I mean it though. I’m so happy you found this family. You’ve made it whole. Dad and I were doing ok on our own, but you’re the one that truly made us a family.”

Nearing tears, Maia walked around the granite counter and gave the sitting girl a hug. They stayed like that, in that moment of love, for as long as they could. Not even seeing the flash on John’s phone go off as he tried to preserve this moment forever.

[beartes22]

More Zoyalai

So this is like...crackish. But I had a lot of fun writing it so...

(In all fairness, this is a scenario that could legitimately occur in canon, maybe. I hope)

Nikolai was radiating nervous energy, as if he were ready to burst into action but the timing was not right.

Zoya was part saint, part dragon, part tiger, part herself and it was driving her mad. On one hand, Juris and his dragon urges were one and the same. “Don’t submit to anyone” “You are a queen” “The world is a platter you can reach” “Aniquilate the Darkchild”. On the other, that line of thinking had led her to this path.

A path she clearly should regret a lot more she does. Ironic, how her prideful ways had cost her all dignity.

(Honestly, she was this close to do a Nina Zenik, cut herself some bangs as a disguise and go to lose herself in the fjerdians whatever, finding inappropriate lovers and liberating Grisha all the way.

Although maybe the bangs were a little overdramatic, as much as killing Fjerdians sounded therapeutic)

Zoya had been in some remote cave for hours and still hasn’t gathered the strength to look up from where she has buried her head into her hands.

Nikolai’s baffled silence was not helping matters.

“I...did you just? Kidnapped me as a dragon? In my wedding day? In front of a thousand witnesses? A dragon!?”

Zoya took it back. His silence was better than the alternative.

“This is Juris’ fault” She muttered bitterly against her palms, unable to look at him. Unable to look at anything. 

“...Since when are you half-dragon?” Nikolai was still at it. Relentless as ever “I mean I knew you were different. Your glare had gotten so much better but a dragon!?”

How inconvenient.

“It’s a Grisha thing”

It was an excuse that had come in handy a lot of times. Incredibly, considering how shabby it was.

“Still. A dragon?” Nikolai shook his head. She had not looked but she knew. The air moved with him. The smell his movement made. The sounds. Her senses were overwhelming like that. Some days, if she concentrated enough, she felt as if she were drowning in him.

She was not as adverse to the situation as she should, which was a problem she should not have overlooked. Look at where ignoring problems got her.

Zoya took a breath, gathered whatever dignity she could find and didn’t look at Nikolai at all. She would act as if nothing ever happened and, if the Saints don’t want to end like Elizaveta, it would hopefully work. 

“May I remind you, you are part volcra”

“Point” Nikolai tilted his head. Zoya didn’t let herself hope “Are you going to explain yourself or are we remaining in this cave until Tolya and Tamar come at you for kidnapping the king of Ravka on his wedding day?” He asked, more curious than mad. Things like these were the reason why Zoya didn’t believe in Saints. 

They don’t give you a fucking break. 

Taking a deep breath, for patience and strength, Zoya considered the situation. It wasn’t pretty. A Dragon kidnapped the King in front of a thousand witnesses in the royal wedding. A dragon that was Zoya herself. Because she let her feelings get the best of her.

“...We are waiting” She decided. Wisely. 

“Never took you for a coward Nazyalensky”

“It’s a new development. It comes with the knowledge that I will never live this moment down” She finally turned her head, looking at him. He was as handsome as ever in his wedding attire, even after the flight. The want was overwhelming. The bitterness rising in her chest felt like flames to burn that mediocre princess, Ehri.

At least Alina was interesting. That Shu Han garbage was just self-pity incarnated.

“Well,” Nikolai averted his eyes “I’m sure there was some emergency you have not told me about, don’t be so hard on yourself”

Zoya re-buried her head in her hands, vaguely wandering through Juris memories half-hoping the knowledge on how to make the ground swallow her was lost somewhere. It was not.

You are strong enough to survive the fall

Zoya has never met someone so infuriating in her life. She should have left him to die, that bond was clearly a mistake. Her life will be much easier without it, amplifier or not.

“There was no emergency” She managed to say between her teeth.

“...Explain yourself” Nikolai’s voice was not cold, no, not really. But it was serious, lacking in joy and charm and that Saints damned edge of relief when he realized he wouldn’t be a husband that day. It was an order from her King.  

Zoya didn’t want to obey. There are falls, she thought hysterically, that one hopes not to survive.

“I- My feelings got in the way of my duty” She admitted, the words were as painful as any lost battle, her pride stinging with humiliation. The dragon was too close to the surface, a snarl of disgust almost overtaking her.  

“I don’t understand”

“I” She enunciated with barely contained rage. How dare he be this obtuse, now of all moments “could not stand to see you married”

A beat.

“But I thought you wanted me to?”

Ravka falling to ruin or not, Zoya will murder him. He sounds honestly baffled, incredulous as if Zoya hadn’t been pining after him since the moment she met him.

(Well maybe not pining, exactly. At least outwardly. Genya said no one noticed.)

“I overreacted.” She forced herself to remain calm “I am sorry, your highness”

“...You overreacted when you planned my marriage or when you dramatically whisked me away from the altar?”

“The second one” She managed to grit out between her teeth

“So you panicked” Nikolai shrugged, wearing casual arrogance effortlessly “it happens to the best of us”

What. The. Hell.

“There was no emergency” Zoya insisted, trying to tell him with her eyes alone the truth. Nikolai was not usually this thick. They have planned entire attacks this way- Complex, everything-that-could-go-wrong-did-go-wrong-but-we-raise-to-the-occasion plans that changed in the middle of battle with just a glance. It’s improbable he can’t read her now.

“I don’t believe that”

Impossible, more like.

“I did not act as your general” She raised her eyebrows significantly

“...Oh.”

Nikolai blinked in the classical ‘I-still-don’t-understand-but-I-already-asked-for-clarification-one-and-I-prefer-never-to-know-than-to-look-like-an-idiot’ look her students tended to wear around her on her bad days. Zoya was very familiar with that look.

She stripped it violently from the little idiots with relish. Now, the only one to find the process painful was herself.

“Or as your friend. Or as someone with Ravka’s best interest at heart”

It was humiliating.

“Then how did you act like?”

Saints help her, especially Elizavbeta. May she ended the job she began and drown her in honey.

“A foolish girl.”

At this Point, Zoya would honestly prefer it.

“...I don’t believe that”

Forget that hag. Zoya will kill him herself. Slowly. Then, she will roam as a dragon, only turning back after centuries because she can’t let herself live with this shame. 

“You are infuriating”

“Coming from you, that’s quite the compliment” Nikolai grinned but the confusion remained in his eyes. What a moron.

“I could not stand to see you marry to another.”

A beat

“What”

Zoya has come too far to back out now. She was a dragon and she did not cower from anything-

“I’m in love with you, Nikolai.”

This was a terrible idea. Awful. Nikolai had actually choked on air. Forget roaming, Zoya was going back into the Fold. Right back.

Juris has been alone and forgotten for centuries. It was not nearly enough to forget this episode but it was a start.

“...What”

Well. That was an answer in itself. If hurt a little (a lot) that he never considered her that way but what was done cannot be undone

“Do you want me to take you back?” The sooner she can start forgetting this mess the better

“What?” Nikolai squeaked. He seems speechless, which she thought impossible. Then, this day was full of impossibilities “Back- I...Give me a minute”

“You are speechless.”

“That you, the most unromantic practical person I have ever met is so in love with me that she has risked everything including the fate of her country transforming into a mystical dragon just to whisk me away from my bride in the most dramatically absolutely romantic escape ever while I had no clue whatsoever of your feelings? Yes, I find I have no words”

“You are right. This was a mistake. I’m taking you back”

“Let me think!! I was not prepared for this, dammit! I…” Nikolai mumbled something to himself “Do you really love me?”

“No. I just kidnap kings for fun”

“You do!?”

“You are usually not this stupid”

“I thought you only tolerated me so excuse me if I am a little shocked!”

“Nikolai, I let myself be drowned in honey by a deranged overpowered unknown for you. I have lost innumerable nights to watch over your volcra escapades. I allowed you to bring the Darkling back to Os Alta.” A pause “Alive.”

“YEs! Because I am the King of Ravka!”

Honestly, Zoya should have let Juris kill him when she had the chance. 

“It’s because you are Nikolai.”

“Stop doing that, it’s uncharacteristic and it’s giving me palpitations” Nikolai hissed, his cheeks a furious red

Zoya ignored all warm feelings of satisfaction on her chest to roll her eyes

“I am done with this. We are going back”

“Fine. But I will not marry Ehri” Nikolai’s eyes were shining with the same mad light of his better schemes. Zoya had a hate-love relationship with that light.

“...I assure you I can control myself”

“I have my doubts of that, all things considered, but that is not the reason.”

Forget love-hate. It was hate-hate.

“Please don’t say anything stupid”

“I, dear Zoya, are a romantic at heart. And I was content to settle for an arranged marriage, certain that my feelings could never be reciprocated”

And just like that, her heart plummeted to the ground.

“...You are still in love with Alina?” She managed to say with a straight face, hoping the heartbreak did not show on her expression. Nikolai stared at her.

“You are an idiot.” He said like insulting her did not cost live or limb “An absolute moron. A walking disaster. How did I not notice? I have been utterly blind”

Zoya tried a few breathing exercises, which did not work considering that her breath was wasted on not laying waste to the disrespectful imbecile in front of her. It said a lot that she did not murder him in that instant. 

“You thought I barely tolerate you” She felt obligated to say. If he were literally anyone else she would have tear him apart for insulting her.

Love was making her soft. And stupid.

“Within reason!”

“What reason?”

“You don’t laugh at my jokes”

“They are not as funny as you think they are”

Nikolai clutched at his heart dramatically

“Lies! Slander! How could you”

“Easily” Zoya rolled her eyes “If you don’t mind could we get to the point?”

“I have recently discovered that my feelings are, in fact, reciprocated” Nikolai deadpanned slowly. Zoya felt insulted. “Which changes things” He continued, uncaring of the sting of Zoya's hurt pride “Because I am not in love with a married woman I have not seen in five years and who I only saw as a dear friend”

So not Alina then. Nikolai was just in love with Another Woman. Cool. Zoya was alright with that, never mind that she just opened her heart at him and then the insensitive ass decided to follow his heart for some undeserving scum who just apparently revealed her feeling-

“...Oh.”

They stared at each other in silence for a long time, processing the new information like complete morons.

(They are responsible for a country. Seeing as they collectively have one whole neuron, it's a wonder Ravka is still standing)

“If I kiss you right now, will you maim me?”

It's not fair he has dimples when he smiles that widely. Zoya's brain is useless like this.

“Only if you want to”

“That’s unfairly hot”

“Everything I do is like that”

Nikolai laughed. Then he kissed her. Zoya threw herself to the kiss as she does anything that interests her in her life. With untamed passion and the determination to demolish whatever stood her way- Nikolai may be half-pirate, despite whatever privateer bullshit but a dragon-

“I can hear you thinking” Nikolai mumbled against her lips, her dimples as deep as she’s ever seen them.

“Then you aren’t doing your job right” Zoya snarled before biting him, as tender and fierce as she was able. 

A dragon hoards. And Nikolai was hers.  

(Tolya had to bleach his eyes when he found them much later. ‘We were going back to the palace in a minute’ his ass.)