#love two characters with trust issues learning to trust each other

[vatyrie-avaris]

Astarion and Vatyrie at the beginning of their relationship is basically

Vatyrie lets Astarion drink his blood and seduces him, so if his identity as a demi-devil ex-noble is revealed, Astarion will want to keep him around and might convince the others to not send him away. Astarion does his thing with seducing Vatyrie for a similar reason: protection and ally-ship. Vatyrie realizes first that he is falling for Astarion around the end of Act 1 (though he honestly starts developing feelings shortly after their first night together).

Then in Act 2 when they realize they have real feelings for the other, it comes with The Guilt of worrying that they've just manipulated the other person. Astarion realizes his feelings much later but he is the first one to bring it up in the Act 2 confession scene. And What a fuckin RELIEF it is for them to realize they not only feel the same but also have both been stumbling around feeling guilty about "manipulating" the other. To know that they won't lose the other or be pushed away for doing what they thought they had to to protect themselves, for a mistake made when they didn't know any better.

[zahri-melitor]

In terms of trying to transplant how Dick’s generation grew up to independent adult heroes onto Tim’s generation, one of the significant issues is that the two groups have very different backstories.

The Fab Five and their generation were largely cared for children with present guardians during their teen years. Their ‘growing up’ rebellion moments were about wanting to establish their own identities separate to their parent/guardian. Then once NTT occurred and new young adult characters were added to it, you had a bunch who were escaping overbearing guardians with expectations the young adult didn’t want to fulfil, and leaving trauma behind.

The Core Four and other 90s heroes, in contrast, were mostly latchkey kids. They had loving but absent parents and parental figures. They were largely expected to grow up and show they were independent in their early teens. The arcs of their stories were not about growing up and finding themselves and ‘be your own person’, but about learning to trust others and interdependency and working together.

Like the shape of a Fab Five story is ‘in my preteens or earlier a Disaster Happened and I was taken in by a hero who cared for me and taught me the business as their sidekick. Then around 18-20 I moved out to live in a sharehouse with my friends as I wanted to find who I was outside of the shadow of being a sidekick’.

While…Tim’s generation largely aren’t sidekicks in the same sense. The shape of THEIR stories are of ‘teenager with largely absent adults is expected to grow up and show emotional maturity too early’. It’s actually notable that Tim, Kon and Bart all have long term story arcs that involve gaining a stable household right near the end.

Kon’s entire solo is the story of how he is neglected and exploited by every adult around him. He doesn’t have parents. He’s Peter Pan, the little boy who cannot grow up, who lives without parental expectation. He’s a celebrity kid exploited by Rex Leech and by CADMUS, who’s expected by those around him to act in an adult manner and held to that standard while simultaneously specifically being underage and not having the right to make his own decisions. His final arc in Superboy is about being so abandoned he doesn’t even have CADMUS to depend on anymore so he has to find an apartment and a job (the building superintendent) and is expected to act and function like an adult in that position. Superboy #59 (FIFTY NINE) is when Kon finally gets his own name. Superboy #100 is ABOUT Kon moving in with Jonathan and Martha Kent and finally having a stable home environment where he can be a child. Heck Kon’s already had a story where he’s ‘married’ and responsible for a kid. He’s had solo space adventures.

Bart’s solo is about Bart and Max learning to be a family together, but also: Bart’s childhood didn’t contain parents. Meloni turns up occasionally through his solo and loves him but also has to disappear away back to the 30th century at the end of each appearance. The final arc of Bart’s solo is about him moving in with Jay and Joan Garrick for more stability, because Max has disappeared (and stays disappeared). And then, post his solo, Bart even already has HAD an arc where he had to grow up and assume the Flash mantle (which went horribly wrong and led to his death).

Tim? Tim’s entire solo is about upheaval and change. The first time he’s expected to behave as an independent hero, not a sidekick, is literally Robin #1 when Azbats kicks him out of the Cave. Jack threatens to send him away to boarding school on multiple occasions and DOES for the Brentwood arc. He loses Jack, he loses Dana, he moves out to be a hero caring for his own city at 16, in Bludhaven post War Games. Bruce’s adoption of Tim was all about giving him back that sense of stability and support so that Tim had people backing him up again in his personal life and not only as a hero. And then he does the ‘leave and get a new identity’ thing during Red Robin.

And Cassie? Cassie starts with a loving mother and her story arc over becoming a hero is about periods of operating on her own. She moves away from her mum to go to Elias School. Due to operating as a hero under her own name she eventually has to come up with the alias of Drusilla Priam to give herself a non-public identity to retreat to (and isn’t living with Helena Sandsmark but renting on her own during this period to protect Helena).

This is a set of characters for whom it makes no narrative sense to tell a story of them growing up by ‘moving out and finding their own identity as separate heroes’ because their entire PAST is about being alone and looking for connections and people to rely upon. They haven’t been looking for their mentors to accept them as independent adults, they’ve been looking to their mentors to be present and work with them.

They have already all BEEN through the steps of moving out (while underage) and learning to look after themselves as nobody else was there to support them. Growing up for them is about learning to trust and be respected for the skills they already have and trusted to know what they’re doing, rather than leaving to show they can operate independently.

And that’s a harder narrative to show, because it’s a less common growth story in our culture. But in the Core Four’s case, I’d argue a lot of the traditional signifiers of adulthood (moving out; moving away for education; taking responsibility for a city on their own; travelling for quests) are things they were already expected to do while still significantly underage, and so sending them through that plot again isn’t showing anything new to allow them growth. What they need is the adults around them to treat them as adults for the things they already can and do do.

[sesshous]

hello! I saw that you write about gaming and I wanted to ask for some headcanons of jealousy? please and thank you! <3

jealousy headcanons ᰔ gaming

genre: angst/comfort (ends in comfort) (no prns)

a/n: hi!! thank you for requesting 🤍 sorry it took me so long!! i kind of,, struggled while writing this lmao,, i had a hard time picturing what he would be like if he was jealous, so i feel like he could be a little ooc(?) but! i tried my best, (if you wanted something different feel free to req again!!)

gaming isn’t one to get jealous that easily. he trusts you with his whole heart! and really, he’d be surprised if people didn't know that you two were together, so really he thinks he has nothing to worry about! 

… but there are some situations that can make gaming act on those feelings.

if someone is flirting with you or is being too close for comfort, he has no issue inserting himself into the conversation - holding your hand or putting his arm around your shoulder, giving a not so genuine smile at whoever is hitting on you with a, “oh? who’s this babe?” he won’t be outright rude or mean to the person - that’s just not him, but he’ll definitely be on the defensive side.

being a part of the transport agency, gaming knows that he’s not always available, so he’s all for you spending time with other people.

but if you cancel plans with him to spend time with someone else, to put it bluntly, he’d feel pretty bad, especially since the majority of his free time is spent with you when he’s not busy with transporting goods all across liyue. the feeling of being ignored or replaced isn’t a good one, so he’d become a lot more clingy than he usually is when he’s with you - asking more questions than he normally does (mainly involving the people you’ve spoken with today), trying to make sure your having the best time possible when you’re with him, or just wanting to be incredibly close to you at all times (he will back off if close contact isn’t your cup of tea.)

he knows you'd never intentionally go out of your way to make him feel bad, but he just wants to spend time with you. he loves being around you, and he doesn’t want that being taken away from him.

it wouldn’t get too far though. you know him way too well to know that he's acting a bit out of character. so when you learn that he’s feeling insecure, you apologise to him. you won’t just let gaming take the blame for acting that way, but gaming also won’t hold it against you either, so you both end up apologising to each other.

all in all, i feel like gaming’s jealousy could stem from slight insecurities, and some kind of fear of abandonment(?) people wouldn’t think he faces issues like those with the way he presents himself, but you’re his partner. you know about what he had struggled with in the past, he just needs/wants some reassurance from time to time, and of course, you’ll give him that without a second thought.

[kooshours]

jeon's garage || TEASER

CH. 1 RELEASED.

pairing: motorcycle mechanic!Jungkook x reader.

genre: lots of fluff, smut, angst

rating: explicit. read at your own discretion, heed the warnings!

series summary: Being sheltered by your older brother while growing meant having none of the experiences that other normal teenagers had. No parties, extracurriculars, trips, or anything that was remotely dangerous to your wellbeing. Even now as you were a 21-year-old college student, his protectiveness never diminished. You wanted to show your brother that you were an adult now and could make your own decisions, so you decided to do one of the most drastic things you could think of to make a statement. You want to own your first motorcycle. To do that though, you need a mechanic to help you fix up the trashed bike you found in the junkyard. Unknowingly seeking the help of one of your brother's closest friends, you find yourself falling for one of the people you were hid from.

warnings: casual swearing, mentions of substance abuse/absent parents, characters drinking alcohol and smoking, mentions/references to sex along with sexual content. (there will be warnings before each chapter if contained)

word count: usually around 4-6k per chapter. teaser word count: 749 words.

planned release: September 14th, 6:00 PM EST.

taglist: open! comment to join :)

----------------------

"This is a terrible idea." The first thing you heard as you stood with your best friend of ten years, Jaehyun, in the middle of a junkyard and staring at a motorcycle. Well, what was a sorry excuse for a motorcycle. Having been thrown away and forgotten in a dump, it was almost completely trashed. Any of the partially useful parts had been taken by anyone else who could make use of it. Now all that was left was the skeleton of what probably was a 20 year old motorbike.

"This is an amazing idea." You replied with a small grin. All in all, you knew your best friend was right. What kind of idiot got a random motorcycle from the junkyard? You did. It was the only way you could hide your newfound hobby from your older brother.

Growing up, your older brother had always been protective over you. Namjoon had major trust issues with anyone that entered your life and criticized anything you did that had the possibility of putting you in danger. So you knew that the moment you tried to tell him that you wanted to try and ride motorcycles, he would lose his shit. You'd probably lose your dear older brother to a heart attack.

You know that it was only because he loved you so much. Due to living in a not-so-good household, your older brother was the main one who took care of you. He deserved to be as protective as he was when everything in life just wanted to bite the two of you in the ass. He was 4 years old and taking care of you, teaching himself how to make the baby formula because your parents were too busy getting high off anything they could buy in a dark alleyway.

Because of that, your brother had learned not to trust anyone. He grew up to hate drugs and alcohol, to build walls around him and lose all of his faith in humanity. The only exception to these beliefs were you, and of course his best friends. But nobody was an exception to who he trusted around you, and that was including the 6 boys that he had been close with ever since middle school. He barely even tolerated Jaehyun and you had known him for 10 years.

His overbearing protectiveness was the reason that you had never once met the guys that he called his brothers. He also made it clear that they didn't know a single thing about you either. All they knew was that Namjoon had a younger sister in her third year of university, and she was strictly off limits, no exceptions whatsoever. It was the only strict boundary that he had with all of his friends. The one thing that he was firm with and would never change no matter what. The moment any of them tried to get close to you, they would be dead to Namjoon.

and yet, later the next day...

"____. Kim ____." You quickly introduced yourself, also realizing that he didn't know your name. His smile widened even more when you said your name.

"I'm Jeon Jungkook, the owner of the garage. It's lovely to meet you, ____." He replied warmly, and you felt your heart skip a beat when he said your name. You felt like this whole situation was way too good to be true the whole time you were both working out the days that you would come to visit his garage to keep him company while he worked on the bike. He estimated that he'd have to work on it for around a month if you could come in 5 days a week for a couple hours each day. You were suddenly much more excited for the next few weeks. The start to your day didn't even matter to you anymore. What on earth did you even do to win this lottery?

Never did you think that you would end up in this situation, and yet here you were. Getting a deal on your bike in exchange for spending a few hours each day with one of the most charming and attractive men you had the privilege to look at? At yet here you were, watching the giddy man as he scribbled his personal number onto a piece of paper with a promise of texting him when you wanted to start your bike project. Little did neither of you know what exactly you had both gotten into.

[bigfan-fanfic]

Boy Scouts (Superdad x Steve Rogers x Clark Kent)

Requested by anonymous for  I love the idea of Bruce/batdad/Bucky and Steve/superdad/Clark. Please write a headcanon about their relationship if you’re ok with it

Clark was more than a little excited to interview THE Captain America.

"I can't take it easy on him, can I? I have the chance not only to interview a living legend but to help him tell whatever he needs."

You have to say, you're only just a little bit jealous.

Not really of Clark; more of how Captain America was lucky indeed that your boyfriend had turned his inquiring eye to him.

Although Steve would blush to hear you put it that way.

In any case, Clark and Steve decided to take their interview on the road, instead of professionally conducted over the phone or something.

They played pool together (Clark is hopeless at the game, making Steve chuckle sympathetically), and Clark asked him some tough questions, which intrigued Steve, who was happy to find someone genuinely curious and who wasn't treating him with overwrought reverence or clinical interest.

It's through this interview that Steve finds some interest in Clark, and Steve waits until the article has come out to congratulate the man and call him up to ask if he'd like dinner sometime.

Steve's disappointment was palpable when Clark mentioned his spouse, but he accepted the offer that was suddenly presented to him of dinner at your apartment.

And much to Steve's sheer confusion... he likes you too.

It took a lot of these semi-flirtatious friend dates before you all kinda worked out what the source of Steve's unease was, and helped him through it.

Steve is also much smarter than people tend to give him credit for - he's a quick learner and incredibly observant, and so he figures out quite easily that Clark is Superman.

But without the secrets in the way, Steve dives in with both feet. He's not entirely sure how dating men works, let alone dating two married men - married to each other for that matter, but he's communicative.

Plus having love to deal with makes him forget so much that he's away from his own time for good because, well... love is timeless, isn't it?

Considering neither man is gonna stop with his hero work, it makes security all the more necessary. Steve has a lot of enemies and is eminently aware that SHIELD has a vested interest in holding on to him.

Meanwhile Clark has other enemies but the main issue is ensuring he has a clear line to speed away to change into his suit.

Canonically, it seems like Steve considers his fellow Avengers friends at best and colleagues at worst. But he doesn't really have a particularly great rapport with them or sense of camaraderie that would compel him to stay with them when the Justice League is right there.

Steve still does morning runs, but once he actually has someone to talk to that he trusts instead of wallowing in his feelings of discomfort and dissociation, he finds himself searching for hobbies more often.

(it's almost like socializing and being with people that care about him as a person and not a symbol or teammate is very good for his self-esteem and he doesn't focus on his time displacement or do things to "catch up" because that'll happen automatically with friends...)

And let's be honest, Clark loves a passionate person he can help learn to chill out and take time for themselves.

A lot of the early relationship will be finding Steve something he likes to do, not just with you, but genuinely enjoys. I suggest getting him into fandom and nerd culture. Tabletop RPGs provide him with a good, low-tech and tactile activity he can really get into and he'll spend hours sketching his characters, ideas, and painting lil minis.

Meanwhile, Steve's success in finding creative outlets also get him to enlist your help in getting Clark some relaxing time as well.

And then they both team up against you.

Steve and Clark both have a reputation for being goody-two shoes and have independently, by separate people, been called Boy Scouts.

But while they present that image, Steve is actually quite mischievous, almost to the point of being a brat. He's passionate, sarcastic, and quite fiery. Clark is whipcrack smart and playful. He has a sincere wit, and a great sense of humor. They're a great duo to be with.

Plus I can imagine Steve helping Clark find a workout routine instead of simply being maintained by the Sun. I can definitely see them training together and letting you watch.

[magua-vida]

SLAY THE QUEEN THORN

I was inspired by Abby's sketch of a hypothetical Queen version of the Princess, so I tried my hand at it with a few vessels, including this one. I... ended up drawing something akin to a fashion design concept art rather than a practical design that won't be tiring to draw over and over after a handful of sprites later. I also had to use a bit more artistic license growing unnatural poppies on the dress and the thick twirly prickly noodles.

some explanations behind the process

For the "mended" Thorn, I pretty much just removed the foreground thorns and added the dirt.

rambling/fangirling/screenshots below:

The Thorn is one of my favorites. If I had to choose only five vessels to offer to Shifty and there's no replayable feature, she'll definitely be one of them. I'm one of those suckers who's into Hurt/Comfort stories. Almost like a masochist for those fics, you could say. If the climax to an Action-heavy story is the defeat of one party, then the catharsis of Hurt/Comfort is when the two characters... well, comfort each other- either due to hurt from each other or someone else. In The Thorn's case, she started off rather innocently, Damsel-like, but not quite. She still had caution. It was until she was literally stabbed in the back that she learned that it was a mistake. And when Long Quiet offered sincere regret and admission of fault, she stabbed him... but she didn't feel the relief she thought she'd get from it. I think many relate to having been betrayed and/or betraying someone they trusted, and the scratches are felt by many players.

The thorns curve inward, as if it's more painful to leave her than it is to approach her.

Poppies grow around along the bramble. Many mistook them for roses because they're red and there are brambles (tbh, I actually dunno if they're brambles or briars, I looked them up and I got confused, forgive me, plant enthusiasts ;.;) that grow around the patches of those poppies. Death and romance~

This brings back to Chapter 1 where Hero was kinda-sorta-maybe-definitely crushing on the Princess and wants to give her the benefit of the doubt, not only because of feelings, but for a reasonable cause of wanting to rescue someone who possibly may actually be a victim of circumstance.

Look, I have reasons why Thorn route is one of my favorites and it definitely doesn't have anything to do with both characters having massive trust issues and the capability to change themselves for better or worse and the emotional moments hitting me like a lovely diamond-dusted dagger. Both of them are rather cat-like with pointy ears too.

I appreciate that you're still given the options to leave or stab Thorn, as if the situation isn't pitiable enough. Even her tiara looks like a crown of thorns. It's as if she views the thorns as both a form of penance and a defence mechanism to protect herself from being hurt again, even though she's hurt by her own making this time.

I chose for the Long Quiet to save her and leave the cabin together.

This part stabbed me the most. Even when shown genuine help, she shrinks back.

This part burns a bit of the jadedness away. Trust is a scary thing, so is love. How can you be so sure that you won't be hurt by the one you love again? But just like what The Prisoner says, it's about trust- blind trust. Thorn looks more human than her previous self- less animalistic, softer. A part of The Damsel returns, even in the music.

I recall weighing on whether I prefer the version with the Voice of the Cheated or Voice of the Smitten. I vaguely remember wondering if there was an option to ask her if it's okay to kiss her. I guess the ideal would be is to have that choice, but I suppose the climactic moment calls for it and she doesn't mind it, at least. It's like the option to hug Astarion from BG3, but you're not sure whether he'd be comfy with it after being hurt so much. He gave approval for it too~

As much as Thorn is one of my favorites, I'm not attracted to her and any of the vessels. Instead, I ship her with the Long Quiet- the character himself. I don't really see myself AS the Long Quiet, more like choosing what actions on what he does and I separate myself from him a lot for many reasons. It's a bit like the Harry situation from Disco Elysium in terms of seemingly blank-slate protagonists.

Instead, I kinda put myself into her situation to feel how she felt in this route. The poppies not only felt symbolic of her nature as part of the Shifting Mound, but also specifically the end of the mutual treachery you've inflicted on each other, potentially beginning anew on a path of healing.

==============ramble-bramble over===================

[that-trans-autistic-guy]

why i love the edwin-crystal sibling like relationship from memory and why it makes me love crystal even more

there simply isn't enough online about 1. how awesome crystal is as a character and 2. how awesome her and edwin's relationship is. so imma dump all my thoughts here from pure memory.

ep1: so yeah, they start rough. but when jenny points out to crystal that she's so focused on her own problems that she's ignoring everyone else's, just like how she said the boys did, she resolves to change that. she realized she was being unfair because it was pointed out and she decided to try and be better. when edwin breaks down, she's listening. she's listening and understanding. she tells this boy, who has not been the nicest to her but she's beginning to understand, that she gets it. that she sees him, that his unnoticed death matters to her. she sees the sharp, jagged, raw and emotional parts of a boy that she'd only seen as cold and logical thus far. and when his unusually timid voice asks if they can focus on becky's case, she agrees. in the butcher shop, she offers to once again explain the internet to edwin. implying that she'd already done so. and she says it without any condescendence. when she's knocked to the ground, edwin helps her up and they sort of cling to each other as charles is reckless.

ep2: not as much here from what i remember but there's still some stuff. edwin does actually commend her actions in luring the sprites out, followed by telling her not to do it again. from an emotionally repressed boy from a time when fixing each other's clothes was the most intimate thing you could do in public, thats quite a big step.

ep3: one of my personal faves. crystal is quick to point out that edwin is jealous of her and charles. she does actually assure him that nothing would happen and its just a small show of her care for his feelings. now, in the house, do they bicker and argue? yes they do. but i would argue that most of that is fueled by their anxiety and fear for charles. when crystal points out that charles has issues, he ultimately listens. its shown immediately the next ep when he tries to be better and offer himself as a safe space, something he wouldn't have thought to do without crystal's guidance. when they actually work together, its incredible. crystal literally fights her own personal demon to get back to the boys. edwin is trusting her enough to openly admit that he has no idea how a vhs works and trusts her to put in the work to save his person. when she's in danger, he pulls her out because he cares and she's given him reason to. she doesn't question when she comes out from her own head and edwin immediately asks for help, something he almost never does. when she talks about how she's a bad person, edwin immediately tells her that she isn't. he wastes no time in assuring her that she couldn't be anything but the person she is now. she also points out the moment charles' mask goes right back up and offers a lot of insight to edwin. because edwin hasn't really had a friend before charles and charles was already doing this when they met. he had no reason to think that it wasn't a normal thing. but crystal points it out and he notices, he listens and he learns.

ep4: this is another one i dont particularly remember much of these two from. the ep starts with edwin asking if charles wanted to talk about his father, something he never would have done without crystal's guidance. when edwin tells crystal and charles to go off together, she asks him if he's ok, which in the moment, is said in a somewhat joking tone. but once he's gone, she asks charles about it because she's concerned about him and she knows him well enough to know something's wrong. when she's angry that the washer woman didn't give her an answer, he apologizes genuinely because he does want the best for her.

ep5: this ep starts off with a lot of emotional maturity from crystal. she admits that she isn't in the right space to start a relationship and i'll be honest, i hadn't seen that from a show before. made me love her even more. one of my favorite moments of the show is them haunting twitchy ritchy. when he makes deprecating and homophobic 'jokes', crystal is quick to shut him down. and i would argue that she knew edwin was gay, i'd argue for hours. she notices his distress and immediately shuts the dude down, and hard. in return, when ritchy tries to be intimidating, edwin is the first to step in. he extinguishes the flame with a satisfied lil smirk and crystal didn't even have to look over to know that he would step in. and we don't really see it, but i'd bet watching edwin do childish little haunting things probably made her smile. it's a scene i think about all the time. when edwin shoos them away from the summoning and charles questions his choice, crystal sticks up for the decision. its small and unintentional, but there is an aspect where she admits that he's right. something she wouldn't do if she didn't like him and respect him. and when edwin realizes that marin killed the jocks, he's rushing out behind charles. hell it looks like he's pushing him forward to get them downstairs. crystal emphasizes at the end that she sympathizes with the boys, that it was a shitty thing to have in common that they were all victims. yet she offers her sympathy nonetheless. and when edwin says he's had enough emotion for the day, she isn't offended that he wasn't receptive or anything like that. she just smiles, knowing that he really can't handle a lot of emotions and she knows that he doesn't mean anything negative by it. she shows that she understands him and that she doesn't judge who he is.

ep6: when crystal loses her powers, she's scared to tell edwin. she says that she's afraid that he would consider her useless and toss her aside. but that stems from the fact that she really values him as a friend and is scared of being abandoned by the only people she has. and when edwin finds out, he is shocked sure but he's also concerned. he insists that he wouldn't have left her behind and she tells him that he would. its an emotional moment for her and i wouldn't write off that she's just really defensive in the moment. when she sees the boys in trouble, about to be dead-dead, that's when she regains her abilities because she cares about both of the boys and gods be damned if she's gonna let a witch tear them from her. and as the walk back, she leans into charles because she knows edwin doesn't like touch. but he's still right behind her, still nearby and offering silent support. and he goes the step of naming one of their plans after her, plain and simple. she shows her appreciation in the same slightly sarcastic tone they use with each other all the time.

ep7: so many thoughts. the second she finds out that edwin is in hell, she's already resolved to go get him. she has known the boy for a few weeks at most and she cares so much and is so selfless that she doesn't hesitate to volunteer to go to actual fucking hell. when she's told she can't? she tracks down her abusive demon ex who has literally tormented and plagued her mind nonstop. she walks right into his domain and demands he open her a door to hell. literally demands the person who has ruined her life to let her into hell to rescue her friend. when he refuses? she's ready to throw hands and doesn't hesitate to do so. and when the boys come back? yes, she does hug charles and not edwin, but she knows that isn't his thing. but when it cuts back to the teens after the night nurse speaks, you see her arm falling from edwin's. even though he hates hugs and she knows it, she still reached out and held his arm to show how happy she was that he was there, that he was safe. because even though he doesn't hug, she still needed to show him she was happy he was back. she talks about how she fought david and edwin expresses surprise and concern. her retort? 'it was the funniest thing. my friend got dragged to hell and i just had to try and help him.' she doesn't even think about hiding how much she cares and edwin's little smile just confirms how much it means to him.

ep8: when she's recovering her memories, edwin is there. he's watching over her with charles and that just hits something in me. he must have spent so long in the dollhouse exhausted, hoping someone would watch over him so he could be safe and rest. and when crystal is vulnerable, he's doing it. he watches over her as she calls her parents and the second she says that they didn't care, he is insisting that there must be some kind of explanation. every time she wakes up after eating the memory orbs, he rushing to her right beside charles. and i'd bet my bottom dollar he was stressed the whole time she was out. when crystal leaves, edwin does offer her a handshake. she jokes about how he's changed, how he's gotten friendlier, and he jokes back, even throwing in a reference to hell. it's a sweet little interaction and it shows their friendship and familiarity. esther takes the boys and she doesn't hesitate to work a way to get them back. she goes right to the cat king and argues that edwin is her friend and tck should help them because he has personal interest. she charges right into esther's house and already has a plan in place. she spends a minute on charles because she knows edwin's in danger and his screams are fucking unbearable. she offers herself as a distraction so niko can free edwin. when she's pinned against the wall, she scream-pleads for edwin to hold on and it is full of desperation, because she needs her friend to be okay. that scream haunts my mind because she is scared and she knows he is too, and she needs him to hold on and be okay. and when niko 'dies', they are huddled over her body and mourning together. in the end, edwin gives her a professional offer for her to have a permanent place with the agency. and this girl, so naturally full of love and affection, hugs him with a massive smile on her face. because she's been looking for people to belong with and she's found em and they want her around. and she's gonna do anything she can to hold onto them, come hell, demons or high water.

basically, crystal is beyond amazing and her sibling relationship with edwin is my favorite. if you don't like her, argue with the goddamn wall.

[writingquestionsanswered]

How do I portray two people falling in love slowly when neither of them really understands love or has ever truly been in love/loved by anyone? Like, they're both slowly learning what love is and how to love with each other.

Learning What Love Is via Falling in Love

Every person and situation is different, and it also depends on what kind of love we're talking about here. If you just mean that they haven't experienced romantic love, that's a different situation than someone who also didn't grow up in a loving household.

Didn't Grow Up in a Loving Household - Sadly, some people reach adulthood without having experienced consistent and unconditional love from the people who raised them. This can lead to a constant fear of abandonment in adult relationships (including friendships, work partnerships, familial relationships, and romantic relationships), which can result in putting up emotional barriers ("putting up walls") to avoid being vulnerable and giving someone the opportunity to hurt them by giving love and then taking it away. It can also lead the person to pursue unloving /unrewarding relationships, intentionally or not. So, a person in this situation has truly not experienced love, or if someone did genuinely love them, they wouldn't have believed it.

What's important to remember about someone like this is there's a difference between never having experienced love--or not believing it was real when it was being experienced--and not knowing or understanding what real love is. Unless your character lives under a rock, odds are they have been exposed to healthy loving relationships of all kinds over the years. They have associated with people (be they friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, or characters in media) who love and are loved by others... they've spent time with married friends who truly love each other, they've witnessed their neighbors' love for their children, they've read books or watched movies with romantic plots or subplots... So they can recognize love, they just fear that they are undeserving of love themselves (because it was never given to them consistently and/or without conditions) or they're too afraid to trust that love is real.

Some things to consider when portraying this situation:

1 - Awareness of childhood emotional wounds/impact on relationships matters. Many people tend to be aware of their childhood emotional wounds and have some understanding of how they impact their relationships, even if they feel somewhat helpless to change things. Many people seek to heel from these emotional wounds either on their own or via therapy, and that would certainly impact how a person moves through a healthy romantic relationship.

2 - What's different in this case? You'll need to figure out (and portray) what makes this relationship different. A good bet is that these characters feel a kinship due to sharing similar emotional wounds from childhood and having had similar impacts. That doesn't necessarily mean they won't still build walls, be free from fears of abandonment, or will believe the love is real right off the bat, but that recognized kinship creates a bit of traction for the healthy relationship to build and also creates a bit of a mutual safety net... "they won't hurt me because they don't want to be hurt by me."

3 - The subtle signs of love will be the same but probably more reserved, hesitant, and slower. This will be a real "slow burn," and there will probably be some setbacks relating specifically to fears of abandonment and issues of self-worth and trust. The Subtle Signs of Romantic Interest and Love Guide: Writing a Slow Burn Romance Guide: Characters Falling in Love Guide: Creating Romantic Chemistry

Grew Up in a Loving Household But Hasn't Experienced Real Romantic Love - Even when people do grow up consistently and unconditionally loved by those who raised them, people can still get off on the wrong foot with romantic relationships. This can especially be the case when a first romantic relationship isn't loving, because it can lead someone to be in a string of loveless relationships. In this case, the emotional trauma will probably be more subtle... they may not even be aware of it unless a wise family member, friend, or therapist has pointed it out to them. The person won't feel unlovable, they'll feel like they're just not worthy of romantic love. They also probably won't have the same trust and abandonment issues, but rather a disbelief that any show of romantic love must be insincere--like the person must have ulterior motives or something.

In this case, too, it's not that they don't know what romantic love is or looks like. It's not that they don't understand it. It's just that they don't feel like they're deserving of it because no one has ever given it to them before (even if someone did and they simply didn't believe it was real). So the obstacle here will be for the character/s to learn to trust one another, and again--if they have that kinship of having emotional wounds related to love (you could even have one character have an unloved childhood and one character never in a loving romance if you wanted) is still what gives it traction. The links above still apply, again you're just doing things a little slower and navigating the obstacles related to the resulting issues.

I hope that helps!

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[sinfulpanda16]

Breaking The Ice

Shoto Todoroki x fem reader

A/n: Characters are aged up

You and Todoroki never argued. There's was never anything to argue about. He loved you and you him. You trusted him and him you. Throughout all those years you two have been together, from being boyfriend and girlfriend in UA to being husband and wife, fights have never been an issue.

Enji Todoroki has always been an issue though. He never approved of you in fact you're sure he hates you. Todoroki says he does not care what he thinks but there are times where it doesn't seem that way. Your huge fight was about that, the disrespect you get.

You both said shit you didn't mean. It sounds so cliché but its true. Anger is a powerful emotion that makes you do and say stupid shit. He called you a pain in the ass for thinking he sides with his father, and you called him weak for not being able to put him in his place. So, with that for the past two days there's been a thick atmosphere when you guys are together.

You guys are married and you work along side him at his agency. You're together 24/7. The tension was always there and neither of you did anything to break it.

Even the number 1 hero, Deku, felt so uneasy when he walked into Shoto's office happily only to be met with an atmosphere thicker than quicksand. Apparently, there's been a villain on the lose for the past few days and there's difficulty tracking him and taking him down. They need both you and your husband to help with the situation. You both agree and thank Midoriya and then go back to doing paperwork.

That night and for the last two its just been eating in silence for dinner, doing your nightly routines alone, and wishing each other a cold "good night" before falling asleep. How long will this last?

The next day, you both go off to work to finish your paperwork and then go out to patrol the city in hopes to capture this villain. There hasn't been any sightings of him for a while and the city has been growing restless for this. You yourself didn't like that this villain still hasn't been caught and is running lose like a dog. You're sure Todoroki also hates the situation as much as you do. You both don't say much to each other, but you've learned to read his face and body language.

Before long the sun begins to fall and the stars start to shine. You and Todoroki are headed back to his agency. You're walking behind him its officially been three days since you both had that nasty fight. You look up at him, his half red half white hair blowing in the wind and his broad shoulders moving back and forth with every step he takes. You miss him, you wish you could just go back in time and prevent this avoidance from ever happening.

You sigh and muster up the courage to tell him how sorry you are but before you could do anything he stops walking causing to you to stop in your tracks. You're confused why did he stop out of nowhere?

"Shoto? Are you ok?" you ask quite worried.

Shoto turns around to look at you. Your (e/c) eyes looking back at his. It's been a while since Shoto has seen them under the moonlight. He turns his full body towards you. "Y/N" he says apologetically.

Out of nowhere there's an explosion behind you. causing the city to cry and scream in fear. You both turn to look at the cause of the explosion. There he is the villain who's been disrupting the lives of the innocent. He's covered in straps full of bombs for weapons and takes a little one off his belt. He laughs manically and throws it a child who's crying in fear. You however, thanks to your speed, were able to get the child out of harms way and get him to his mother. Where they run safe.

That was a child! Oh, now he's in for it! You've always had hatred for those who harm children. You speed off toward the villain and begin to attack him with your strength. Todoroki caught on and also began sending ice attacks to the villain. You and your husband have always made a great team, you distract the enemy (sometimes land a few good hits) while he burns them up or freezes them or does both even.

You guys had things under control but the suddenly he disappears. An invisibility quirk! That's why he's been so damn hard to track! Now you break in a sweat. Invisible people have always been difficult to fight against they can easily attack out of nowhere. You stay alert and sure enough the villain sends a punch your way from behind, but you were fast enough to block it with a force field. However, the pressure from his punch sends you flying back and causes you to hit one of Todoroki's ice walls. You land on your back hard resulting in a crater being made in the ice and you falling unconscious. Your vision becomes blurry, and you fall down to the ground.

The villain groans "Stupid bitch." to your unconscious body and walks away.

Todoroki saw the whole thing happen with wide eyes. You laying down hurt brought flashbacks of his mother laying on the ground after his father hurt her. His damn father. He looked at the villain who's back was facing him. The villain had the same built as his father. Then he looks back at you. He hurt you and now he is furious!

"Hey!" Todoroki says clearly adding anger to his tone. The villain turns to look back at him with blue eyes. The blue eyes that are the exact same as his father. A flashback of Enji Todoroki disrespecting you came back to Todoroki. That bastard!

"NO ONE!" he yells and sets fire on the villain's right arms causing the bombs to blow up, making the villain scream in agony.

Todoroki's teeth are gritted hard. "DISREPECTS!" he yells setting the villains other arm on fire causing the bombs on that arm to go off.

The villain is about to run away but Todoroki wastes no fucking time. With one final breath he yells at the top of his lungs "MY WIFE!!" and with that he sets the villains whole body on fire causing to bombs to explode on him.

There is smoke everywhere, the villain is still standing in it but not for long when Todoroki appears with his Ice and freezes the damn villain. The fucking villain that has hurt so many innocent people including his wife.

Then it's over.

You open your eyes and see that Todoroki has handled the situation. You sit up with a hurt head. The scenario in front of you shows just how strong Todoroki is. The whole scene was due to Todoroki defending you and speak of the devil there he is making his way towards you.

"My love! Are you alright?" he asks crouching down to holding you.

You lay you head on his chest "Yes, I'm ok don't worry" you smile. Todoroki smiles back at you before picking you up bridal style to help you get to the paramedics while giving you a kiss to your forehead.

Afterwards, you were able to go home from the hospital and Todoroki has taken good care of you the entire time. He's been treating you like you were royalty or something. Like, it's not that unusual but recently he's been acting like he would die if he didn't treat you like so.

He comes into your shared bedroom with a comb in his hands. He's smiling and sits next to you "I got it, now, turn around my love." You do as your told and he begins brushing your hair gently.

He continues to brush your hair for a while, both of you sitting in comfortable silence before you finally begin to speak. "Shoto, I'm really sorry about how I treated you the other day." you say causing your husband to stop.

You continue "You're not weak. That's not what you are at all and that is proven by how you handled that villain attack." You think about how you passed out during the fight, how maybe Enji Todoroki is probably right, and tears begin to fall. You speak with a shaky voice "Maybe your father-"

"No"

No? He repositions you to face him and holds both your hands. He looks in your eyes "Listen to me, I don't care what my old man says or thinks. I love you so much and if he never approves then he can suffer for all I care." He wipes away your tears before continuing to speak "My love, I'm so sorry for calling you a pain in the ass you are far from being that you're my beautiful princess, and I'm also sorry not sticking up for you the way I should've." The scene of you landing on his ice comes back to him. "Believe me when I say I will never let anyone disrespect you ever again. Ok?" You're shedding more tears but Todoroki smiles and wipes those away too. "You deserve the best my love." he say holding your face.

"Thank you." is all you say before you lean into him for a kiss to which he happily returns.

[butterflywithsass]

Watched Dead Boy Detectives last night and I’m obsessed. If you like the queerness of good omens, but with more gore, and in the same universe as the Sandman (death and despair both show up) if you like dark academia gay boys, if you like ghosts, or paranormal stuff, or demons, if you like cats — lemme tell you this show is for you.

So, like, there’s these two ghost boys who are best friends but also gay for each other but also a secret third thing and their names are Edwin and Charles.

Edwin Payne was a demonic sacrifice in 1916 and as spend literal decades in hell but escaped. He’s a repressed Victorian gay who has zero charisma but every single man he meets becomes obsessed with him and wants to sleep with him except the boy he actually likes which is his best friend Charles. His entire character arc is about gay panic and getting over his internalized homophobia — he wears bow ties!!!! He doesn’t know what a hand job is. He’s literally the perfect tumblr blorbo. His superpower is getting tortured. He’s so sassy! His sexual awakening comes at the hands of a cat king and his first kiss is with a crow.

Charles died in like the 90s or something I’m not sure. He’s so optimistic and sunshine but also so full of rage. He’s the most supportive guy 100/10 would trust him with anything. He doesn’t like to talk about his issues. When confronted with the inexorable monsters of hell he solved the problem with a Molotov cocktail. I love him and his single earring he’s a golden retriever who would rather stay on earth with best friend than move on to a peaceful afterlife. His jawline is impeccable he can’t not press a big red button when he sees it.

Crystal Palace I wasn’t sold on because I thought she’d get between my boys but she actually so cool and I developed a bit of a crush let’s be honest I have a thing for curly haired witchy girls, she’s a physic with amnesia and a demon stalker ex boyfriend people stare at her when she hangs out with the boys cause it looks like she’s talking to herself. Everyone she knows thinks she’s insane. She’s a reformed mean girl.

Niko Sisaki I was a little iffy about because it felt like they were gonna go with the bimbo anime Asian girl but turns out she just had a parasite that made pink hearts float around her. She’s so weird she tries to help Edwin with his gay problem by introducing him to explicit gay fan fiction, she tries to get her landlord to date, she likes cool rocks. She has two tiny people trapped in a jar in her room. Her friendship with Edwin is everything. She’s ghosting her mom.

Jenny. I love her so much, she feels so safe which is weird because she chops meat and all her clothes are covered in blood. Everything about just screams big sister and her character arc is learning to embrace that. She goes on one date and almost gets murdered.

Monty. He’s literally a crow turned into a boy. He’s down bad for Edwin. He’s a secret honeypot agent for an evil witch. He has the most adorable smile, the whole time I was expecting him to be an agent of Morpheus. He’s obsessed with astrology.

The Night nurse originally annoyed me a bit (in a good way) I just wanted to get rid of her. When Charles punted her into a giant sea monster I clapped. Then it just got weird and I love it.

The cat king. He’s such a creep, but honestly, I love that for him. He has some of the best lines and he just exudes cat. He’s a classic fairy tale trickster, he a nuisance for the whole season, he’s central to the plot, he’s constantly hitting on Edwin.

Esther. She’s a archetypal evil witch. She gives off mystic trash vibes. She’s obsessed with beauty and revenge. She’s shamelessly horrible. She feeds kids to her giant snake. She literally can’t die.

All in all, I think I’m gonna have brain rot over this for the next year, go and watch it.

[angellesword]

BAGGAGE | JJK (11)

Summary: Drowning in debt and blood, Jeon Jungkook knows he's better off alone, lest he brings people down with him.

But one drunken night changes everything.

In a blink of an eye, Jungkook found himself drowning not only in debt and blood, but also in dirty diapers and judgmental stares from you, a.k.a his long-lost love and the guardian of the son he didn't even know existed.

Genre and warnings: best friends to lovers, co-parenting, idiots in love, slow burn—really slow burn, mutual pining, angst, fluff, implied smut, kissing, minor character death, slight getting back together, cursing, blood, stabbing, loan sharks, OC cusses excessively so watch out.

Pairing: dad! Jungkook x adoptive mom!Reader

Word Count: 4.5k

← Previous Chapter (10) | Next Chapter (12) →

Baggage Chapter List

*****

Days passed like a blur, and as much as you wanted to ask your former best friend a question, you couldn't. For once, it wasn't because of Jungkook's indecisiveness or his lack of trust thereof.

Admittedly, Jungkook was trying. There had been many instances when he subtly implied that he was willing to reveal a part of himself to you. However, you learned to be vigilant, becoming suspicious about Jungkook's intention. You felt like Jungkook was only leading you into asking questions he wanted to answer, leaving the ugly truth at bay.

You wouldn't allow that. You would soon aim for questions that were hurtful to Jungkook and satisfying to you.

Forgive and Forget, my ass. You sneered. You were momentarily blinded by your pity for the shitty bastard, but it didn't mean bygone would be bygones. Your promise to Jisoo was to introduce Soobin to Jungkook, which you did. Meanwhile, Jang Min suggested co-parenting your kid—something you were skeptical about but had already dived in.

"Egg!" Soobin puffed out his slightly red cheeks as he peeled the shell of a boiled egg. He was slumped on your living room floor while Jungkook lazily sat on the couch, his gaze switching between watching over Soobin and reading a book.

Your eyes narrowed as you observed the two boys. You stood close to them, but Soobin and Jungkook couldn't see you. You were working upstairs and only went downstairs to get a glass of cold water and briefly check up on your son. These days, Jungkook was the one babysitting Soobin. There were no issues involved, and Soobin seemed to like hanging out with his biological father.

"You know I am a natural when it comes to kids." Jungkook grinned when he said this. You clicked your tongue and called him a cocky bastard.

It was scary how easily you two fell back into your old bickering habits despite the betrayal and years of not seeing each other. If you were to be completely honest, this was also why you didn't dare ask Jungkook a question. He only let down his guard when you were not discussing his past. You were afraid Jungkook would bolt once things became intense. This wasn't an ideal setup, as you felt you were back to contradicting yourself again. Back then, you said you wanted your sister to leave you alone, yet your heart skipped a beat and was filled with grief every time you thought Jisoo stopped breathing.

The hideous cycle had returned. You felt like you were on a precipice again; a part of your brain screamed to jump while the other part coaxed you to step back. You couldn't decide, so you remained rooted in your spot—just like how you let Jungkook invade your space, acting as if you were a careful host who humbly offered tea and biscuits to your guests.

"You done, buddy?" Jungkook casually flipped the page of his book, eyes glued on the printed words.

Soobin shook his head and focused on peeling the egg. The kid's way more patient than you could ever be. You’d probably throw a fuss or give up on eating the egg. You never learned to tolerate things like this, though seeing Soobin remain calm proved that you raised your kid right. 

It didn't mean you’d let Soobin starve, though. You sauntered toward the living room. Jungkook's languid gaze fell on you at once. He even had the decency to straighten his back and smile at you.

"Really," you snorted and ignored Jungkook's beaming face. "Why are you giving the poor kid a hard time peeling an egg?"

It wasn't Jungkook's intention to terrorize Soobin, so he stopped you from helping the 'poor' kid. He explained, "No, don't. Let him be. It's good for his motor skills."

"Motor skills," you repeated, scrutinizing how truthful the bastard was being. But Jungkook's reason didn't matter. He was right. Peeling an eggshell was good for Soobin's development. The only downside was that Soobin was so focused on the activity that he didn't bother to cling to you. All he cared about was the egg. You were a little unused to this.

You sighed, "I think he's hungry."

"Oh, please," Jungkook begged to differ. He went back to reading as he snorted. "I just fed him string cheese, chocolate pancakes, fries, and dumplings." 

That much food?  You frowned.

Soobin was not a picky eater and would devour anything. Unfortunately, he'd been indulging in food a little too much. You turned your disappointment to Jungkook, though.

"Don't keep feeding him unhealthy food."

Jungkook's response was a noncommittal hum. You two had always been liked this before. You would rant to Jungkook, and then he simply played it cool. Old habits were hard to break because you started going off on how to live a healthier life. On the other hand, Jungkook kept his mouth closed as he was busy reading his damn book.

"Jeon." You scowled when you noticed that he wasn't looking at you. "Are you listening?"

Everything happened fast. You went near your ex-best friend and snatched his book. What had gotten this bastard so hooked that he shamelessly ignored you?

"Hey, rude." Jungkook's lips protruded to hide his embarrassment from being caught. He was playing it cool, but you busted him:

You believed Jungkook was reading a nonsensical book, but you thought wrong.

"A guide to eating healthy French food," you murmured the book title.

Jungkook didn't answer and simply cast his gaze to Soobin, finally helping his kid peel off the eggshell—this was better than looking you in the eyes. He didn't know what to say, alright? Jungkook only wanted to make things simple for you. He knew he was freeloading here and didn't want to keep it that way.

That said, Jungkook thought it would be better to ease your workload by helping you in any way possible. Jungkook noticed you had been busy with work and didn't have time to cook. Fortunately, Jungkook had experience cooking, so this should be easy for him to handle. The only issue was he didn't know how to prepare a hearty French meal. It was different from what he had when he was in—

"Ratatouille." You cut off Jungkook's musing and immediately went to your point. "It's one of Soobin's favorite foods, second only to spring crab rolls."

"Mm." Jungkook hummed. He had forgotten his initial thought as he was engaged in your explanations.

"There is always fresh produce in the kitchen. If you want to cook, that's fine. We'll have no problem if you incorporate vegetables into whatever you want to cook. The pudding, though..."

You sighed when Soobin and Jungkook whipped their heads at you at the mention of pudding. "Once a day is enough. I only bought strawberry-flavored this time. Don't look at me like that! It's not an excuse to finish them in one go. I am warning you both."

Soobin lost interest at once. He pouted his lips and started eating his boiled egg. 

Meanwhile, Jungkook smiled innocently at you. "Yes, Mam~!"

Yes, Mam. He said, his noodle arm going into a salute. It was silly, really. However, you felt your cheeks heating up. It was the way Jungkook said it, okay!? His voice was naturally sultry. It didn't help that he said those words with a hint of teasing—making you think that you were best friends from the past. Nostalgia was not something you were fond of, though. You groaned at Jungkook. "Don't tease me, or I'll smash your sorry face. My students are giving me a hard time already."

Getting a glass of water was an excuse just so you could have a break from being a professor. You were on leave for days, but you couldn't forever escape your fired-up students, even when your classes were held online.

One would think that Kyouka, a quiet student of yours, would keep her mouth shut during lectures, but no. She had a lot of questions that made you think you needed to study more. Your other student, Junichiro, was well-behaved in class, but you could hear his sister constantly yapping or appearing beside him.

Sometimes, you don't know why you chose to be a professor. If it weren't for your love for the academic world and seeing your students succeed, you would never dream of discussing business-related topics with these people. The pay wasn't that good, so you had other sidelines, too—you were a financial adviser, a management consultant, and a business owner. You delegated jobs to other people as much as you could. In all honesty, being a professor took the majority of your time.

"You're teaching college students. No need to spoon-feed them." Said Jungkook as if he wasn't taking his sweet time gently feeding Soobin the boiled egg. Jungkook originally wanted to let the kid eat on his own, but Soobin was like a vacuum that would devour a whole egg in two seconds. Jungkook didn't want you to worry more.

"Just give them a difficult business case to crack and then have them present in front of the class. You don't even have to listen to the report. Just pick a random student to grade their classmate's work. Easy."

Your mouth fell open by how easy Jungkook's solution was. You had almost forgotten how much of a genius and lazy this bastard was. Sadly, you couldn't deflect Jungkook's suggestion, as he was absolutely right. You spent the better half of this semester indulging your students to the point that they all fell apart when you filed for leave. It's time that they move on their own.

"Fine." You conceded. "I'll do that."

Jungkook beamed. "I solved your problem. What about my reward?"

"There's no reward, Jeon."

Jungkook had the audacity to whine. "Don't be unfair."

I'm being unfair!? You were tempted to hit Jungkook in the head, though you surprised yourself when you snorted spuriously.

"What do you want?" It's bad. This is bad. You cannot give into Jungkook—

"Soobin really wants more pudding. Will you allow him to eat one more cup?"

Oh.

You blinked. Your parted lips turned into a purse. Jungkook's eyes shrunk, totally getting your reaction wrong. He tried to remedy the situation, "I mean, half a cup of pudding works too. But if he can't, then it's okay. Right, kid?"

Jungkook turned to Soobin. The small child nodded at him and opened his mouth to ask for more eggs.

Silence lapsed between the three of you.

"Half a cup." You compromised. Jungkook's ears perked up. He turned to you with a smile on his face.

"Thank you! Kid, come on." Jungkook’s body had healed, but he still couldn't exert much effort to carry Soobin. He offered his hand to his son, though—a compromise. Soobin gladly took his father's hand, bits of yolk stuck to the side of his mouth.

For some reason, your heart warmed. You said nothing and watched the father-son duo happily skip to the kitchen.

******

The beginning of better days passed by smoothly. Soobin was spending quite a lot of time with Jungkook as you wrapped up the semester and dealt with your business clients.

At this point, one could say that Jungkook had unknowingly become Soobin's babysitter. Weirdly enough, you didn't mind.

"That's normal, you know."  Jang Min's lazy drawl from the other line echoed in your ears.

You two had been video chatting for hours now. This was the only time you had a proper conversation in weeks. You dealt with your work while Jang Min busied himself with business affairs. Until now, Jang Min had no idea when he could fly back to Korea.

You missed him. You spent the better half of your video call telling your boyfriend about your life now that you were living with your former best friend. You didn't want to leave out any details, even the unnecessary ones, as you did not want Jang Min to feel like you were hiding something.

Jang Min wasn't the jealous type. But it didn't mean you would cross his boundaries. You used to be head over heels with Jungkook and Jang Min being unbothered by it, but it wasn't an excuse to leave some details out.

But really, there was nothing worthwhile. You just felt bad that you didn’t mind allowing Jungkook to spend time with your son almost 24/7. You were wondering if you were being too lenient with the shitty bastard. The part of you that was betrayed howled for acting like nothing wrong happened before—like Jungkook didn't hurt you, and he wasn't prone to bolting.

Jang Min reassured you.

"It's normal to want to let Soobin be with his biological father. You deserve a break, too, Cолнышко мо." Jang Min's eyes dropped. He was in bed, looking all cozy. You almost melted by how comforting your boyfriend's tone was, but it faded when Jang Min spoke again.

"The kid's been burdening you for years. It's time Jungkook-ssi handles his son."

"What do you mean by that." Your mood dampened. You furrowed your brow in annoyance. "Soobin is not bothering me."

'Bothering' was putting it off lightly. Only dense people would not understand the connotation of your words. But Jang Min was never one to canoodle anyone when he thought he was right.

"Of course he is." Jang Min's gaze was patronizing. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing. It's just impractical. You're a young woman—"

"I'm a mother." You cut him off sharply.

Jang Min tilted his head as if he were studying your mood. "Hmm." He hummed thoughtfully. "You are. You will be. But Soobin is Jungkook's responsibility. I mean, isn't that the reason why you agreed to co-parent with him? It's a trial run to see if he is fit to solely take care of Soobin in the future."

This was not a conversation you should be having over the phone. In fact, this was not a conversation you two should be having at all.

You felt the veins in your head pulsating. Heat crawled to your face, utterly shocked by how absurd this whole thing was.

First, Jang Min unknowingly called Soobin a fucking burden. He said everything was a trial run as if Soobin were a guinea pig. It's all so—

"I'm hanging up." You refused to believe what you heard from Jang Min. You thought hanging up on him would lessen the fury rapidly firing in your heart.

No one was allowed to disrespect your relationship with Soobin. The kid was your child. Your sister, although fucked up, gifted you a loving boy. Soobin would never be reduced to anything other than being your son.

Jang Min uttered your name when he noticed the frost in your eyes. "I'm just trying to—"

"Stop." You were not going to allow disrespect. Not anymore. "I'm trying hard to control my anger here, Jang Min-ssi. We both know how I am when I'm mad, so for the sake of our relationship, I am hanging up."

Calling him Jang Min-ssi was a warning. Luckily, the Russian dude finally got it.

"You know I love you, right?"

"I know," you said through gritted teeth. "And I feel the same way with you; this is why I'm hanging up. I'll call you when I've cooled down, but the next time we talk, I expect you to leave your opinion about my relationship with Soobin. It's not going to change. Ever."

Jang Min seemed to want to say something but ultimately decided against it. The silence was palpable, and you couldn't take it any longer. You didn't want to keep looking at your boyfriend's face either.

"Talk soon. Bye." So you cut the line. It took you a while to realize your heart was beating loudly against your chest. You were about to sleep but didn't think you could anymore.

You were too upset.

Against your better judgment, you got out of bed, grabbed a bottle of your expensive wine, and sauntered toward the veranda of your home. You were used to solitude at times like this, so you were taken aback when you spotted Jungkook slouching on the veranda's chair.

"Oh, hey." Jungkook was as surprised as you, though he quickly recovered and teased you. "Why are you here? Are you stalking me~?"

"This is my house, asshole." You didn't miss the chance to bite. 

Jungkook shrugged casually and made some room for you beside him. The wordless action didn't go unnoticed by you. You sat down next to your former best friend, unscrewing the cap of your bottled wine, and, without any preamble, gulped the expensive liquor.

"Want some?" You offered carelessly, even though your heart was going wild.

Please say no.

"No." Jungkook obliged. No No thanks, just straight out no. He was firm with his choice. "I told you before. I don't drink anymore."

Why. You were tempted to ask, yet all you did was stare at Jungkook as you chugged more wine. You wiped your lips after, eyes still burning holes at your traitor of a best friend.

Jungkook was thinner compared to years ago. He looked older, too—as if time had been cruel to him. There was a hint of danger and exhaustion in his chestnut eyes. He improved these past few weeks, though. Spending time with an innocent child really clipped one's ragged edge.

Jungkook had been eating well, although it wasn't enough to replenish his damaged body. He could only hide in the expensive clothes you bought for him.

"Is there something on my face, dearest friend?" Jungkook was getting bold with the way he addressed you—as if he knew when to call you that without any repercussions. He was right. You were busy staring at him.

Jungkook looked much better than the first time you two met, but...

You sighed. But you weren’t sure if looking better meant he could take care of Soobin.

It wasn't an option, but Jang Min's harsh opinion got into your head. You would never give Soobin up, but you couldn't help but think if Jungkook was fit to care for a precious child.

"Do you always wear that clown costume to work?" There was no warning when you asked this. It was your first question to Jungkook, after all. He expected things to escalate soon since you and him had been in a truce these past weeks. Nothing good lasted forever.

Jungkook had predicted that this day (and question) would come, though it didn't make admitting the answer easier.

Still, he did it. He wasn't lying when he said he wanted to come clean to you—it might not be all at once, but one truth would not hurt.

Right?

"Not always, only on special occasions." Jungkook licked his lower lip and avoided looking at the wine. Tempting. It was a good thing you two didn't have a similar taste to alcohol. Jungkook preferred whiskey (neat) and soju.

"I man up the cash register. But it doesn't make much difference." Jungkook's face was unreadable—like he was merely speaking of a story he got to know from other people. "Kids throw ice cream at me when I wear the clown costume. Older people threw fries or coins at me when I was at the counter."

Most were rude to people taking their orders. Jungkook had learned to live with it. He should return to working at that fast food restaurant soon (if the manager takes him back). Jungkook had been absent without proper notice. He tried not to think about his future, indulging in how good things were to him.

But it's time to wake up from this little fantasy and face reality.

You were living in denial, though. Your eyes flicked at Jungkook, refusing to believe that the scars near his eyes were because of rude customers.

Still, you found the courage to ask.

"Is that why you have scars near your eyes? Because the customers were rude to you?"

Please say no.

"No." Jungkook shook his head. You were relieved. Fate was listening to you —it was the second time now. "I got them from somewhere else."

Jungkook used to cover his right eye with a bandage to hide his scars, but it was futile, and he didn't have enough money to buy bandages.

"From those men?" You tried to keep your voice steady, wishing Jungkook was kind enough to answer another question despite promising only one.

"Violent men, yes." Jungkook didn't disappoint, but he was vague about his response. You didn't push any further, fearing what you’d find out.

You chugged your wine, the warm liquid grazing your throat. It felt good but didn't last long as your heart bled while asking another question.

"Will..." You gulped. "Will those men come back?" You two had avoided this topic for so long. You had a panic attack regarding Jungkook's safety before, thinking he was unconcerned by the whole ordeal. Truthfully, Jungkook seemed nonchalant about it even now.

"You shouldn't worry." Jungkook's hands were in his pockets. He looked defensive—secretive. You couldn't help but clench your fist, tone scathing when you mocked the bastard:

"Who said I'm worried about you? I only care about Soobin."

The implication was clear. You were suspicious Jungkook would bring misfortune to you and Soobin.

Jungkook puffed out a breath, hands shaking. He forced down the lump in his throat and tried to look at you as genuinely as he could.

"I won't let them hurt you and Soobin." He wanted to hold your hands, but he knew he couldn't. He lost that privilege a long time ago. Jungkook could only settle with verbal words. "I promise you that."

"Your promise means nothing to me, Jungkook." But even his promise lost its value. Jungkook could see it in your eyes. You did not trust him.

Jungkook felt a piece of what you had gone through for the first time because of his betrayal.

Distrust. Pain. Horrible pain.

But unlike you, Jungkook didn't have the right to get mad about your lack of trust. This was heavily justified.

"I know." Jungkook stuttered a breath. "I'm sorry."

Fuck you. You wanted to scream. Instead, you chugged your wine until your face was hot. This was all new for you. You spent years making yourself believe that Jungkook was not worthy and was incapable of saying sorry.

I slept with your sister. He said before, face devoid of any emotion. Jungkook did not bother to tell you he was having trouble with the authorities and even called you pathetic for looking after him.

And now this? It gave you a whiplash at how fast things were changing. This was not the Jungkook you knew, making you panic. You desperately held on to believing that your former best friend was the villain.

"You said you're sorry, right?" You flicked a complicated gaze at him. Jungkook mirrored your action, but his chocolate eyes were languid. He nodded at you.

"Then prove it to me." Your lips twisted into a menacing grin as you offered the bottle of wine to Jungkook. "I'll bury the hatchet if you drink this wine."

Jungkook's expression changed at once; his shoulders sagged. "I told you before. I don't drink anymore."

Liar. You seethed quietly. He was drunk the first time you met him after many years. You didn't care if it was a moment of weakness for this asshole.

"You can't make an exception now? Come on, bastard. It's just wine."

You chugged on the bottle again before clumsily pushing it to his chest. Jungkook was like a rock, though. He didn't move, allowing you to push the bottle close to his thumping heart.

Your insistence was to no avail. Ultimately, you grew frustrated and ended up drinking the whole bottle yourself.

"Ugh," your head throbbed as you felt your body temperature heating up. Jungkook knew you were drunk. He inevitably grabbed the bottle and placed it on the floor. You didn't protest, merely burying your flushed face to his chest.

Jungkook called your name helplessly—as if he was a poor kitsune who lost his wits and tricks after falling into the hands of a Goddess.

"I hate you." You were as fierce as ever. You tried to scratch Jungkook, but your hands were shaky.

Jungkook heaved shallow breaths,  posture rigid—a poor attempt to mask his pain. One would think he was desensitized by all kinds of hurt. However, everything that left your mouth also left a dent in his heart.

"I know." But Jungkook couldn't even refute you. You have every right to hate me. He muttered to himself as he helped you get to your feet and inside the house.

You were an annoying drunk, slurring swear and unintelligible words. Jungkook didn't mind, though. You had lowered your defenses, and this was something Jungkook had longed to see. However, he refused to take advantage of your drunkenness, so even when he wanted to bring you to your room, he didn't.

It was a courtesy. Jungkook has already invaded your space by shamelessly living in your home. He couldn't possibly thread into your bedroom. It was too much—too personal. He couldn't take or peak at something that belonged to you alone. And so Jungkook settled you into the couch. Youwere still murmuring words, eyes glazed over. Jungkook left you for a while to retrieve a blanket. You liked curling yourself into a ball while sleeping. You couldn't get comfortable without a blanket covering your feet.

Jungkook wasn't the same. He slept in worse places before. He could survive a night without a blanket. Besides, Jungkook didn't think he could sleep—for he was busy indulging himself in looking at your sleeping figure. He didn't dare do more, though. He had the urge to cup your cheeks and kiss the seam of your lips.

But he didn’t.

You weren't his—Jungkook knew this, yet it didn't make it hurt any less.

It was his fault.

"Kyouka...." You mumbled in your sleep. "Resht. It'sh jus' an exam. Don' push yourshelf too hard."

Jungkook smiled lightly at that. You were still thinking about your beloved students even when you were drunk. It was amazing, really. He knew you had a lot on your plate right now (you wouldn't get drunk without a reason, no matter how much you liked expensive wines.) Still, you thought of other people's answers and were willing to set aside your worries for others. You were just so...

Softhearted. Jungkook thought, feeling his heart throbbed. You were so good—to him, Soobin, and your students. It made Jungkook realize something:

Jungkook couldn't drink, and his pathetic life meant so little. However, he was willing to offer his life for you. Because really, this poor world would feel colorless without you orbiting it.

*******

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A/N: What do we think about this chapter? :) Tag suggestions are encouraged!

[demaparbat-hp]

what is your Lee and Kya AU based off of ATLA

I've always been a little bit obsessed with Zuko's journey through the Earth Kingdom in Book Two, especially the time he (and the Gaang) spent in Ba Sing Se. The city, the people, the Dai Li, the conflicts... Everything is amazing. I love Jet's arc, and I never get tired of seeing Zuko (however briefly) feel happy and complete with a humble life.

There's beauty to the simplicity of life, and I'd like to explore that with ZK.

Book Two AUs will always be my go-to. From reluctant-travelling-partners to Bluetara-in-Ba Sing Se—I love all of it, so it's only natural the Lee and Kya from the Tea Shop AU came to exist.

The AU itself is only a bunch of scenes in my head so far. Of all my AUs, it's one of the most focused on the vibes and characters than the plot itself. That's not to say there's not a story involved. It's just not my main focus.

It's one of the most common Book Two AUs ever. Zuko and Katara are separated from their companions, find each other and travel together to Ba Sing Se, learning how to work together and falling in love along the way. Nothing new there, except for a few scarce scenes that are so precious to me and, by extension, to the AU itself.

They get help from Uncle Iroh and the White Lotus to get to Ba Sing Se, but they go alone (he'll eventually join them, just not for a long while). No Uncle Iroh = no Jasmine Dragon = more time in the Lower Ring.

There's also a lot more of Jet (and his antagonistic, one sided crush on both Kya and Lee), and possibly some spy/informant work for the White Lotus. Also short hair Zutara because we need more of that.

For some reason, Katara isn't searching for the rest of the Gaang (maybe she believes them dead, or perhaps they were forced to leave her behind at the Swamp and her deeply ingrained abandonment issues resurfaced).

Zuko is Tired with a capital T. Tired of the war, tired of trying, tired of everything.

Uncle Iroh is off on some obscure White Lotus business, and he trusts them both enough to draw them into the Order and ask for their help.

So, a little drama, some spy shenanigans, and lots of fluff.

[bbcphile]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook and Complex PTSD Representations: Part I

One of my favorite things about Mysterious Lotus Casebook is how surprisingly nuanced and unusual its portrayal of complex PTSD is. So many shows either introduce character trauma to make the character Sad and Brooding, Angry and Violent (if they’re a villain) or Hesitant to Start a Relationship (if it’s a romance), and that’s usually as in-depth as it gets. If they address the unique after effects of child abuse that lead to complex PTSD at all, it’s usually either explain why a character is a homicidal monster (which is all sorts of problematic) or it’s limited to a single phobia, which can be overcome by the Power of Love, or it’s just something that crops up occasionally for Plot and then forgotten about the rest of the time. 

Mysterious Lotus Casebook gives us two deeply traumatized characters–Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng–who each have clear symptoms of complex PTSD, and yet, their cPTSD manifests completely differently because of the types of traumas that caused it and their relationships to the people causing the traumas. And their manifestations of cPTSD affect just about every level of their being, including their sense of self, their decision-making, and their relationships with others, and it includes some of the incredibly important manifestations of cPTSD that are almost never shown in media while avoiding the most insulting stereotypes! 

PTSD vs cPTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by experiencing a single (or short lived) traumatic event (an accident, assault, medical emergency, fighting in a war, etc), where the symptoms last for longer than a month. Symptoms include things like reexperiencing the event (flashbacks), avoidance (of things related to the event), changes in mood (depression, anger, fear, etc), and issues with emotional regulation (hypervigilance–being constantly on the lookout for threats–irritability/angry outbursts, etc.).

Complex PTSD happens if someone has experienced long term, chronic/repeated trauma that induces hopelessness and no chance of escape (survivors of extended child abuse, human trafficking, domestic violence, prisoners of war, slavery, etc.). It’s also often interpersonal in ways a car crash or medical emergency is not, and is particularly linked with chronic trauma during childhood: chronic stress hormones introduce literal physical changes in a growing brain, particularly the amygdala (which processes fear), hippocampus (which is responsible for learning/memory), and the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for executive function), so it can affect every aspect of life and also affect a child’s progression through developmental stages. In addition to these physical changes to the brain, the prolonged trauma–particularly the helplessness–distorts a child’s sense of self, the perpetrator, and the world in ways that alter their decision making, their memory, and their future relationships. 

For instance, whereas a traumatic event that caused PTSD might make you depressed or not trust the person who harmed you (or to fear driving), the trauma from cPTSD might make you suicidal, blame yourself for your victimization, decide to isolate to avoid interpersonal relationships to keep from getting hurt, or become obsessed with never being harmed again.

Basically, cPTSD has the core symptoms from PTSD with some extra challenges, including issues with emotional regulation, self-concept, interruptions in consciousness, difficulties with relationships, perceptions of the perpetrator, and systems of meaning.

DFS and LLH: CPTSD Symptoms

There’s so much more to say about this than I can cover in this superficial introduction, so this will be the first of a series of metas; I’m hoping to go into more depth about some of these categories in future posts (the DFS and emotional regulation/violence one is already drafted, so stay tuned). 

Difficulties with Relationships (problems with trust, communication, missing red flags): Both DFS and LLH have a history of trusting the wrong people and not trusting the right people, both in the past and in the present of the show: in the past, LLH missed the fact that SGD hated him and DFS missed the fact that JLQ was obsessed with him, and as a result, both sects were destroyed, many people died, and the two almost destroyed each other. If they had communicated with each other instead of fighting at the donghai battle, they might have realized they were being set up and could have worked together, but their difficulties with trust after perceived betrayal made that impossible for them. They both have a history of overlooking red flags in the present–DFS in particular, keeping the red-flag-personified-JLQ around despite her history of poisoning people, including himself–and they both tend to struggle with relationships in the present: LLH runs away from and/or drugs the people who care about him, and DFS sends endless mixed messages by not telling Li Lianhua most of his plans to help him. 

Self-Concept (Self-hatred and self-fragmentation): Li Lianhua is basically the poster child for having a negative self concept: he has an overdeveloped sense of self-blame and responsibility, even believing he deserves to die for leading his men to their deaths, and once he learns he was manipulated and SGD was behind it all, he seems to think it’s his own fault that he was manipulated, lied to, and abused. His self-loathing is so extreme that he imagines his earlier self, Li Xiangyi, to have died, and tries as much as possible to be nothing like that earlier persona. His repeated insistence that Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua are NOT the same person is reminiscent of the fragmentary sense of self that comes with more extreme trauma, like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other-Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD), where traumatic experiences are so painful that people form different alters, or differentiated self-states, that can have different names and skills and memories and identities. 

Di Feisheng doesn’t have the self-hatred or guilt that LLH does, and it seems like he tries to skip over questions of self worth, blame, or hatred by focusing exclusively on staying true to his code of ethics he’s developed for himself and focusing on gaining the strength necessary to fight for his freedom from mind control and the Di Fortress. But even though he’s kept his Di name, kept his goals the same since escaping Di Fortress, and hasn’t tried to separate himself from his trauma the way LLH did with LXY, he’s even more willing than LLH to take on different identities: it’s literally one of his martial arts skills. The Bone Constriction Skill lets him become someone else for a time, whether that’s a child or Shi Hun. It fits well with his willingness to be whoever he needs to be to accomplish his goals: he’s perfectly willing to be seen as a heartless villain if it lets him protect LLH, and he’s willing to flirt with and pretend to be jealous of JLQ to get information from her, and he’s willing to be LLH’s a-Fei, both with and without his memories.

Interruptions in Consciousness (Amnesia and nightmares for Everyone): LLH and DFS both have nightmares and flashbacks/memories of traumatic events, and as mentioned above, both have interesting hints of having fragmented/fluid senses of self. They both also dissociate, or separate themselves from the present when dealing with traumatic things:  LLH spaces out and gets stuck in his past memories about SGD when talking to FDB after burying SGD, and DFS dissociates from physical pain so as not to make noise both after he’s been stabbed and poisoned with Wuxin Huai and again when JLQ is torturing him in her water dungeon.

They both also have dissociative amnesia that takes away trauma memories, although one is from a poisonous incense plus the magic of qi macgyvering:  LLH forgot the existence of his older brother who died in front of him, and DFS as a-Fei had just about all of his memories (except a few of killing as a child) taken away. Amnesia is a huge part of cPTSD, because it’s the brain’s way of trying to protect you from truths that you might not survive. It can manifest as blocking out one single traumatic event, a bunch of thematically or temporally linked traumatic events, a skill set related to the trauma, or, in the case of something like DID or OSDD, just about everything. It’s endlessly fascinating to me that the show gives us one example of definite traumatic amnesia through LLH, and then seems to almost transform the experience of having DID and being a new part and finding yourself with a new name and very little else into an exaggerated fantasy setting (interestingly, people often report experiencing debilitating headaches when they try to regain memories behind the amnesia barrier). I doubt this is what they were actually going for, since DID is almost universally portrayed incorrectly and offensively in media (one of the alters is almost always portrayed as a serial killer, but that’s a rant for another day), but the different names and the presence of amnesia with LLH made it a fascinating enough parallel that I had to mention it.

 Problems with Emotional Regulation (Lashing in vs. lashing out): Li Xiangyi and Di Feisheng are polar opposites when it comes to struggles with emotional regulation: whereas LXY turns his anger inward, directing it all toward self-hate in what’s often called a “toxic shame spiral,” both after the donghai battle and after he finds out about SGD’s role in his shifu’s death, DFS lashes out physically at those who have harmed him, usually via choking people, although he is usually exerting an impressive amount of control over his emotions and strength. To put in perspective just how different their emotional strategies are and how much effort DFS puts into emotional regulation, compare how much more calm he is than LLH during any revelation of past betrayal or painful information, any scene where they confront the people who have abused them, or any scene where they learn they’ve been wrong about something big; LLH is most likely having an emotional flashback (re-experiencing the emotions from the earlier traumas) and DFS is probably compartmentalizing them or dissociating from them to process later/never so he can stay semi-functional and not show a potential opponent a weak spot. 

NOTE: This means that DFS is loooong overdue for a very dramatic breakdown when it eventually all catches up to him and he can’t distract himself from it anymore.

Perceptions of Perpetrators: In this way only, Di Feisheng has one advantage: he knows the head of Di Fortress is a cruel, abusive tyrant. While he clearly still fears him, even as a physically strong adult (he has nightmares, flashbacks, and dedicates his life to being free from him, which means he still to some extent feels young, small, and helpless when he thinks of him), DFS knows that he hates him and wants to be free of him. This is probably part of why he’s spared some of the self-hatred LLH experiences: he knows he didn’t deserve the abuse because seeing it happen to other children means he knows the abuse wasn’t a personal reflection on him. It does, however, motivate him to want to be stronger and invulnerable so as to never be helpless again, and that obsession is what drives him to have a single-minded focus on reaching the pinnacle of the jianghu.  

It’s so much more complicated for Li Lianhua (and for a more detailed analysis, check out this meta): the childhood perpetrators were manifold–a slew of bandits, whichever children and adults on the street would abuse him for existing and being poor–it probably felt like life itself was to blame. It’s no wonder that when his shifu and shiniang took him in, they were the ultimate rescuers whom he hero-worshipped, so when he felt he made a mistake and his life fell apart, he blamed himself: at least there would be someone to blame that way and something he could do about it (try to kill his past self and hate everything about him). It’s also very telling that LLH doesn’t blame JLQ or YBQ all that much when he learns they poisoned him, and that he’s more angry that SGD murdered their shifu than he is that SGD set him up, hated him, and was the real mastermind behind everything he had blamed himself for; he struggles to stay angry at people who harm him, and would rather blame and hate himself for being tricked than hate the person who tricked him. So, whereas DFS tries to destroy the people who abused him, LLH tries to destroy himself.

If you read this far, thanks! I’m probably going to be posting the DFS and emotional regulation/violence against perpetrator meta next, because it’s drafted, but if there are any of these you desperately want me to talk about more sooner rather than later, let me know! :D 

[vigilskeep]

omg thank you for the support... feeling emboldened to return and be gay in your inbox but i was just thinking about how neve might actually feel a bit put off by a more uncaring/cold assassin rook. she has that conversation with harding in the ign gameplay where she says that authorities being corrupt is how she is employed essentially, but given her character descriptions, i feel like she very much does care a lot and corruption is something she Really Wants To Fix, Actually. but authorities being corrupt is actually great for business for an assassin. i mean lucanis was literally introduced to us as "the magekiller" and one thing we know about him is he specifically targets corrupt magisters. like taking down corrupt officials is definitely great for neve, but i feel very interested in the toxic yuri potential of her butting heads with someone who doesn't care about saving the world beyond putting down an obvious threat because their background relies very much on the world being broken. if this makes sense? femme fatale rook also adds an extra level of distrust which is fun! but there's also so much yuri development potential here... learning to care through neve or rook always secretly caring and neve bringing that out in them. cynic4cynic and all that. this doesn't have to be about a romantic relationship either, it's interesting to me even for a platonic neve/rook relationship!

and this also could be a potential point of contention for neve and lucanis, depending on his own world views. this group being referred to as a found family makes the idea of them not getting along (at first at least) pretty interesting to me LMAO anyway yeah if lucanis shares this kind of view then it really is as you said: (crow rook voice) no lucanis you're not insane. and neither am i.

SORRY FOR THIS. but also thank you for supporting the lesbianism.

YES...

the thing that i certainly believe about neve is what’s been emphasised over and over in marketing: she’s a cynic, but a cynic with a heart of gold. she may be our hard-boiled detective who’s seen the worst of people and the worst of her city, but that’s never made her love her city any less or fight for it any less. she’s intensely idealistic in her ambitions and her commitment to the job, putting her own comfort aside to doggedly pursue any mystery she’s taken on.

i think that conflicts delightfully with an assassin who is more self-preserving in what they are willing to take on and has no such high ideals or sense of community, but has it in common with neve that they’ve come face to face in the same way with the worst of people. they could make each other better—neve could definitely stand to take better care of herself and perhaps even take more direct action, and this type of crow rook could probably do with a moral or two beyond World Destruction Is Bad—or worse! i really like your read on crow rook being dependent on the world being broken, and corruption being good for business. i also think the kind of worldview that the crows teach is that nothing ever really can change. it doesn’t matter what you do or who you kill, because someone just as corrupt will always take their place. there are no moral obligations because there is no fixing the world even if you did try. i’d be so curious to see neve’s impact on that... whether she could get them to believe in something, or their jaded outlook would rub off on her

neve definitely has trust issues and high walls up for whatever reason (i still believe in venatori ex-husband theory) so i love the idea here of really playing into that and making a rook she actually shouldn’t trust. i love that for you. yeah why put this all on her. why make anything easy

i’m definitely interested in lucanis and neve’s dynamic. they have a lot of similar worldviews when it comes to, say, the venatori, but i wonder if neve necessarily approves of lucanis’, uh... impulsive and destructive approach, to dealing with that kind of problem. or if lucanis’ sympathies necessarily mean he takes the shadow dragons’ chances of achieving anything seriously. super excited to see them interact

[evelynpr]

bakugou for the character ask game?

Truly the teenage boy, shonen deuteragonist, love interest coded, gay asshole, of all time.

My first impression - Woah I did not understand why people were so into this guy. Like I get it, he's a flawed and loud pretty boy, he gets character development, and probably gay, but seriously him??? His mouth is so fucking foul and he is so up his ass. - I was meh with this character, enjoyed him in fan content, but just did not get why people were sooo into this guy.

My impression now - I cried in "Light Fades To Rain". Twice. - My god his growth...his will, his persistence, and by god his love for Izuku is so ridiculous and powerful I just cannot help but admire the little shithead. - He is also a lot more to me than I expected, with the whole "foul mouth shit", "high expectations bullshit", "violent urges", and "dedicating your whole life and love to someone you love and admire" and that...that makes me feel quite conflicted.

Favorite thing about that character - The thing about Bakugou is that...you just cannot help but wish you had the same kind of persistence, strength, will, and power that he does. I love how all this is initially so shallow and selfish, then grows to wanting to be a better and truer hero. He really learns and changes and is just an unstoppable force of nature, it's genuinely incredible and beautiful to watch.

Least favorite thing - I wished that the overall writing did go harder in making him stop bad-mouthing people and...everything so much. You can tell he did grow to respect and care for people around him more, but by gods he is sooo bad at communicating his feelings right now. (tbf, he is so fucking young and traumatized) - Also, really please stop hitting people. I get a knee-jerk reaction to that kind of physical violence sometimes ngl.

Favorite line/scene - There are so many. I already mentioned his death in "Light Fades to Rain" so I'll mention a different one - Team Bakugou in Class A vs B was so goddamn good, for being a monumental milestone of his character. How much he trusted his teammates and put himself in danger to save others, winning in the end. No injuries, no failures, truly a perfect beautiful victory. How he also pushes Deku to keep getting better afterwards in his usual constipated-ass language too. Man I just love that battle to death.

Favorite interaction that character has with another - (me pulling out scenes that aren't bkdk centered here hahaha) - I fucking LOVED the Bakugou vs Ochako fight. It made me love Ochako so so much as a kid. I really wished we had a follow-up to that battle, and it genuinely changed my life. - I love how it really shows just how focused and rational he is in battle. How he truly respects his opponents, Ochako in this case, and the sports festival really establishes so much about him.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more - Speaking of which...OCHAKO VS BAKUGO 2 COME ONNNN - There is SO MUCH these two need to talk about. How to save people, who they want to save, who saved them, never underestimating each other, how they changed and grew. I just love these two characters to bits, that's why I need them to FIGHT AND TALK SO BADDDD - Additional: Also Toga (see my post on Toga right before this one lmao), Shoto (because I still don't really get their friendship but its hilarious, and I love Shoto)

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character - I legit cannot think of anything here...like for Toga...I am so sorry my brain is blanking T__T - It's hard to be a massive anger-issue filled, victory-focused, die for their lover (twice), amazing chef, all at once, kinda guy...you know?

A headcanon about that character - I am a believer in trans!fem Bakugo in the future. He's so ridiculously angry for some reason, voice always cracking, and just on-edge for some reason. Idk I just think its hilarious and satisfying if he transed his gender in the future and became happier and more comfortable.

A song that reminds of that character - I also have a Bkdk playlist in the making! Here's some bkg focused songs in character development order: - Boys will be Bugs, President Perfect, Top of my School, Oh No!, I'm Gonna Win, The Last of the Real Ones, Skyfall, Die For You, Set Fire to the Rain

An unpopular opinion about that character - Like Toga, he actually isn't possessive. I think he quite well understands and accepts that Izuku is a very loving person that many people are easily drawn to (I mean, he'd be a hypocrite if he didn't understand that). - He is protective instead of possessive. He keeps an eye out for anything and anyone who could possibly actually hurt Izuku, but he doesn't hold him back at all in hanging around with others, and when other people fall for Izuku either. - He is actually quite skinny, and doesn't have the big thick buff guy build. Those go to Izuku and Iida more imo.

Favorite picture - I never really thought of this much??? I love art of him being softer, more solemn, quiet and contemplative even. I guess I'll go pick out some favs right now...

Here they are! Hope you enjoy the post lmao

[makiandcheese]

i wanna share the genshin impact ships i enjoy and why (mostly rarepairs)

Rosaria/Kaeya - undeniable trust and friendship turned romantic interest. though capable of forming a relationship, their occupation and circumstances prevent them from fully pursuing it. Even if all factors could ignite mutual interest, the fear of ruining the friendship they harbored would stand in the way. What's important in a lonesome city is the same stranger who is looking for the same comfort you seek. Frequent liar or not, he's quite the personality to have around.

Jean/Diluc - everyone says they are exes turned lovers however I view them as the failed chance at love. They are friends who knew each other since they were learning to walk type of friendship. The first love you never forget. If they were given the chance, they could say what they want to the other. "You look even better after you became a stranger to me, pretty woman"

Yelan/Ningguang - The what could've beens. similar to jealuc but in ninglan it's focus is more on the one-sided, unrequited type of love. (using Beiguang for this example) watching the one you love fall for someone you know she deserves hurts. It hurts because you know you could've been with her if not for your own issues. thankfully she will never know you love her since that love will die with you

Rosaria/Jean - oh god where do i begin with this. The "outcast" meets the city's beloved individual. For someone who feels they never belong, its confusing to have the city's hope make excuses to see you. Rosaria and Jean's relationship begins with jealousy due to the nun and the idol deaconess' relationship. What makes Barbara look at Rosaria the way Jean always wanted? Filled with concern and trust that only families have for one another. Giving that to a complete stranger is agonizing.

Lisa/Jean - coworkers to lovers <3. A workaholic learning the simplicities of life from the reliable, easygoing, gentle person. When she'd forget to take care of herself mentally, she'd be there. Unknowingly providing comfort with just her presence alone.

Beidou/Ningguang - Two people who rule and have a significant influence on the community. Bickering and arguing over the smallest things yet loving each other for the same reason. What makes these two so wonderful is the fact that they both witnessed each other overcome difficulties in their own manner. They both achieved goals that brought them together in some way. Competing with which one would make the other prouder.

Venti/Zhongli - centuries have gone and past, and yet home always had the same eyes and breeze. When it comes to gods, the only one they could consider as equal are the same immortals who suffer with them. Why does meeting each other again bring so much comfort and pain? How many friends did they watch come and go like sand through the wind? Thankfully, they can overcome these uncertainties together. Until they could no longer control the corrosion within them.

Surcrose/Rosaria - When your curiosity leads to people questioning your character, the person you gravitate towards is someone similar. Sucrose would have a lot on her mind and would desperately need someone to talk to. Rosaria always wanted to learn more about the world but never had the guts to say it out loud. The mutual silence between them could be a conversation. "I have something on my mind, but I have difficulties saying it" and "Take your time. No rush."

Kaeya/Albedo - Understanding your past from the product of the past can be an interesting combo. Kaeya and Albedo are two perspectives of the Khaenri’ahn existence. The truth is never black or white, in fact, the truth is always relative. Messing around with your coworker because of mutual origins grives a sense of comfort in the city where everyone knows everyone.

Ganyu/Keqing - coworker who has false impressions towards each other. A tender and careful love formed from the desire to protect their city. Patience is a virtue especially for Ganyu. However, with all the years she had lived, days with Keqing always felt like love personafied.

Xiao/Traveler - what cannot be may be. One's duties always hinder relationships, but there will always be someone stubborn enough to reach out. Someone once said that unnecessary suffering is not a proof of strength. Relying on others is difficult but if it's with the person they love, one could only hope that they're not a burden. Thankfully, they don't give a damn about your stubbornness and go out of their way to talk and spend time with you. Since you know that these times wouldn't last.

Ayaka/Yoimiya - The different lives we live shouldn't turn us into strangers. In a life where expectations are laid upon you, finding freedom and happiness incarnate is like grasping sunlight. Ayaka knows she has her duties but spending time with Yoimiya makes her forget the time. Grief and loss often isolate us from relationships (including socioeconomic circumstances). Thankfully the eternal shogun's antithesis stays by your side.

Itto/Sara - Our beliefs do not align, but if someone talks shit about the other. Someone will be getting punched or electrocuted. Being a Yokai in human society always leads to discrimination unless you are equipped with power and unimaginable influence. Seeing each other's most vulnerable sides in the most unexpected times always led to curiosity. Curiosity leading to interest. And interest leading to fondness.

Al Haitham/Kaveh - Unconventional ways of saying "i love you" almost always lead to someone's wrinkly forhead. If turning himself into Kaveh's personal screaming outlet would let him relax, Al haitham would gladly do it. What happened in the past has long gone, and what's left is to continue. Is it so difficult to let him love you?

Candace/Dehya - Every neighborhood child's first loves daring each other. Duty is always the priority. Traveling the world will come one day but not today. If that is someone's belief, then someone will bring the world to them. Even if it's small material gifts, its treasured dearly. Just make sure not to come home bruised and covered in wounds. Else a medicated scolding (and some kisses) would be perscribed by the village's resident guardian.

and that's all folks tell me what you think.