#lowkey did reread to make this post

[somestierfanfics]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Midoriya Izuku Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Nedzu (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: In which Aizawa gets a good long look at Midoriya’s middle school, in which Nedzu razes the school offscreen, in which has Aizawa and Midoriya talk. a lot., rated for heavy discussion topics Series: Part 1 of DancingInTheStorm’s BNHA fics

Summary:

Shouta gripped the phone tight enough to make the phone case groan. “So it’s true. Midoriya was Quirkless.”

“Until soon before the entrance exam,” Nedzu confirmed. “That’s not relevant now, though, because—“

“Relevant?” Shouta hissed. “Midoriya is barely functional, socially. He doesn’t trust any adult. He thinks the whole world hates him. He apologizes for everything except breaking the law, and I’m sure I can trace every single one of those things back to his Quirklessness. You call that irrelevant?”

 Aizawa visits Aldera Junior High and finds out some disturbing truths.

[whiskingskin]

Yo guess who just finished A Court Of Thorns and Roses

[hopelesslyromanticshark]

STOP IM LITERALLY FEASTING ON ALL UR LEO FICS LIKE I REREAD THAT BROTHER'S BEST FRIEND ONE LIKE THREE TIMES I PRACTICALLY FROTH AT THE MOUTH EVERY TIME U POST A FIC

AND ALSO (not a request tho teehee) best friends to lovers with leo js sounds sooo??? like childhood best friends to lovers? omg like what if he's had a forever crush on reader in the back of his mind but he doesnt realize it and instead rants abt every hot girl he sees and reader's just like ugh this again 🙄 until reader is lowkey crushing on this other guy and hes like what??? that shouldve been meeee

and like him and reader basically doing couple shit but "as friends" and everyone thinks they're dating but they're not?? UGHH

⋆⭒˚.⋆ leo valdez x childhood friend! reader hcs

content: leo valdez x childhood friend! reader hcs warning: slight angst but enough fluff to make it okay author's note: DID YOU HONESTLY THINK YOU WERE GONNA DROP THIS THOUGHT INTO MY ASKS AND NOT EXPECT ME DO HCS TO IT??? GIRL BFFR LOOK AT HIM IM WEAK FOR THIS MAN IN WAYS THAT EVEN GOD DOESN'T UNDERSTAND- also, we lost the plot a bit. i'd love to do the whole jealous thing as a blurb later bc im just so happy with how angsty these hcs turned out and i don't wanna add that and change the vibe. sooooo just keep an eye for that tiny blurb in a bit!!

yet another foster family had decided they didn't want leo, sending him straight back to the nun-run orphanage

he wasn't even sure what he did this time, but he just went without a fight, knowing it wasn't worth it

this wasn't the first family to kick him out...and he had a sinking feeling it wouldn't be the last.

that's when he met you, completely down on his luck and glum as could be

you had been getting a bar of soap shoved down your throat when he was brought to the orphanage, the nun with him explaining that you had been caught talking nonsense, which was not tolerated there

leo's eyes stayed on you as they led him down another hallway, watching as you spit the bar up and followed him with your eyes too

"what'd you do?" leo asked, later, once you were shoved back into the rooms, with the rest of the orphans.

"i...i said i saw a dragon made out of metal. they said im lucky they're not throwing him into a psych ward," you whispered back to him and leo offered you a tooth grin.

"a metal dragon? that sounds pretty cool."

"the coolest."

you two managed to bounce from a few orphanages together, being close in age and personalities and whatnot.

though, following a rough falling out with a family, leo was rapidly packing up his few belongings in the middle of the night.

he silently walked over to your bed, doing his best to step over the orphan's that littered the floor and gently woke up, his hand grasping your shoulder while the other pushed your hair out of your face

"lee? what's going on? what's wrong?"

"i'm getting out of here, y/n. we're getting out. come on," he whispered back, tucking his hand into hers and tugging.

you allowed him to pull you out of bed before digging your feet into the ground and halting the both of you

"leo...we can't- i-"

"y/n, it's just going to be an endless cycle of people saying they want us and then kicking us to the curb the moment we're too much trouble or work. at least, on the run, we can live how we want. do what we want."

"...leo, i...i can't," you whisper, tears filling your eyes before dripping down your face.

you two stood staring at each other, unable to leave the other, but both knowing you had to

"i don't know if i'll find you again," whispered leo after a few seconds, swallowing down his own sobs.

"you will. if i know you, leo valdez, you'll find me again. take care of yourself out there, i expect to see you again and in one piece, mister," you choke out, smiling through your tears, hoping to provide him with some comfort.

"i'm gonna find you again, y/n l/n, i swear."

"atta boy," you mutter before pulling him into a bone crushing hug, crying into his shoulder and gripping at his shirt like you didn't want him to leave

leo squeezed back just as tight, his eyes firmly shut in fear you'd see the tears in them

after an eternity in each other's arms, leo reconsidered his decision, wanting to stay in your arms forever

but that was when there was a creak downstairs, surely one of the nuns on her way to check on the kids.

you quickly let go of leo and shooed him towards the window, helping him escape

you grasped his hand as you was on the other side of the window, his eyes instantly darting to you, pausing even though he knew he didn't have much time.

"i- i- you...you're the closest thing to home i've ever felt, leo. stay safe, please. i lo... yeah, stay safe," you gasp out, the words too heavy to state before leaning forwards and pressing your lips to leo's cheek

"im going to find you again simply because i can't see my life without you in it, y/n. i'll stay safe to see you again," leo replied without a ounce of hesitation but he was grateful for the dark night sky, as it very easily hid his blush.

you gave him one last dazzling smile before the creaking got closer, you quickly abandoning the window and rushing to your bed, hoping you could at least pretend to be asleep before she came in.

leo dropped from the window and quickly scrambled away, though not without risking a glance over his shoulders, his chest heaving as he left you alone in that building.

he tried not to think about the fact that he probably got you in trouble, more suds being shoved against your tongue.

leo never forgot you. ever.

you were his girl, even if it wasn't official and you were children when you first met and he hasn't seen you in nearly six years

he tried not to think about how large that number was

he tried not to think about you forgetting him

he tried not to think about you, still in the orphanage, waiting and waiting for him

he tried, he truly did

but something about riding in a chariot with his newly amnestic best friend, his other best friend that fell into the grand canyon only to fly back up with the aforementioned friend, a buff guy with a rainbow tattoo, and a blonde girl who was gravely disappointed by them just being them brought out these thoughts.

and leo wasn't even sure why he was thinking of you as he plummeted down into a lake

well, he wasn't sure until annabeth was giving them a tour, stopping at some training arena

jason, piper, and himself were taking in the place, leo's hands rapidly fiddling with whatever was in his hands as his eyes skittered over the place

"hey, not fair!" a familiar voice called with a laugh, leo's whole body jolting as the air left his lungs and his eyes frantically scanned for you.

"leo? you okay?" piper asked with a furrowed brow

"it's her," he whispered and piper's eyes widened, obviously aware of the girl that owned her best friends heart.

"are you sur-"

"do you think i would joke about this, of all things?" leo hissed, more than desperate, not even sparring her a glance before he spun to annabeth, who was clearly trying to figure the whole story out herself

"is there a girl here? y/n l/n? from texas?" he asked, rapidly.

annabeth just nodded her head, raising her hand and pointing over into the training arena, where you were sitting.

you're legs were crossed under you, a pair of shorts that would leave all the nuns with heart attacks and a smile so wide leo thought he'd just fall into it

his feet were moving before he could think about it, shoving and wiggling around other demigods to get to you

you, you, you

you, who he promised to find

you, who he found

"i told you i would find you," he whispered as he stood before you, suddenly self conscious but you didn't give him time to think like that as your eyes darted to him instantly

less than a second later, you were crying in leo's arms, which were tightly tied around you

leo squeezed you to him, worried you'd disappear, that this would all be some twisted dream and he'd wake up back at the retched wilderness school and you'd be nothing more than a figment of his imagination

but as he felt you pull back just the slightest bit before smashing your lips against his own, leo knew this wasn't just some dream

no dream could ever feel as good as this, that's for damn sure

[infizero]

Why Ambrosius and Ballister’s Relationship Feels So Different in the Movie (Nimona)

As someone who read Nimona countless times growing up, I am very familiar with the story and these characters. Which is why when I watched the movie, I was struck by how different Ambrosius and Ballister felt. They seemed like totally different and unfamiliar characters to me, and it didn’t have anything to do with their designs.

After rereading the original Nimona graphic novel recently, I’ve come to the conclusion that the main reason they feel like completely different characters in the movie comes down to one thing: the removal of the joust.

When I watched the movie, I was surprised by the fact that they changed the circumstances that drove these two apart. But it didn’t hit me just how much this one event shapes both of their characters and their relationship to each other until I reread the book. 

The joust is CRUCIAL to their dynamic. It pervades every interaction they have with each other, they bring it up constantly, it is literally the crux of their collective storyline. We learn about it on PAGE 5 of the whole book, and their big heart-to-heart when Ballister is captured near the climax of the story is based around Ambrosius finally admitting the truth about what happened. Honestly I’d say that him finally coming to terms with what he did and apologizing for it is probably what allowed these two to finally find peace together by the end of the book.

We get something similar to it in the movie. Ambrosius still is responsible for Ballister losing his arm, but it is under WILDLY different circumstances. So I want to talk about how the joust affects them in the book, and then explain why the movie’s version of events, while similar on the surface, has a completely different effect on everything. So let’s get into it!

(All images of the book are via pictures of my own physical copy btw, so apologies if they’re not the best quality.)

(Also I want to make it clear that I don’t hate the movie nor its adaptation of these two. I do personally greatly prefer the book, but this post is not here to tear down the movie and exclaim that the book was way better. I just find it interesting how changing one event can have huge ripple effects!)

Part 1: The Graphic Novel (AKA: “My Boyfriend Shot Off My Arm Because of His Wild Ambition!”)

Like I said before, we learn about the joust very early on; Chapter 2, page 5. It is told to us first via Ballister’s perspective. Nimona asks if she can kill Ambrosius while they’re making evil plans, and Ballister says no -- if anyone is going to kill Ambrosius, it’s going to be him. We then get a flashback to the joust itself.

Ballister explains how they were friends and how the joust was the first time they had been pitted against each other. Ballister won fair and square, but in his words:

BALLISTER: “but Ambrosius hates to lose.”

BALLISTER: “He always claimed it was an accident. No one could prove otherwise.”

BALLISTER: “Turns out the Institution had no use for a one-armed hero. I took the only other viable option.”

Ambrosius used a weaponized lance and blasted Ballister’s arm off. After the incident, Ballister was rejected by the Institution, and became a villain instead of the hero he had originally set out to be.

In Chapter 3 we see Ambrosius appear for the first time, and he and Ballister have a very relaxed sort of cartoon hero-villain dynamic going on. There’s definitely real animosity between them, but they don’t hesitate to simply talk casually to each other or help each other when things go south. It’s all pretty lighthearted and lowkey. 

They fight briefly, but after Nimona triggers the building they’re in to self-destruct, Ambrosius doesn’t hesitate to help Ballister escape and Ballister doesn’t hesitate to accept his help. Ambrosius even tries to reassure him that Nimona will be fine. After they make it out, with Nimona presumed dead, Ambrosius puts a hand on his shoulder and tells him to go before more guards show up. They may be “arch-nemesises”, but they certainly don’t act like it.

AMBROSIUS: “Haven’t you missed our fights? We haven’t done this since you tried to clone the king’s daughter!”

BALLISTER: “Ambrosius, I really don’t have time for this.”

AMBROSIUS: “Are you trying to make me jealous?”

BALLISTER: “You’re an idiot.”

By the way, I’m not going to be doing a full breakdown of every single scene with them, don’t worry. I just think that their first interaction shows off their dynamic very well. This is presumably how they’ve been with each other since the incident, as it’s made clear both here and throughout the book that they’ve both been doing this for a while at this point. They have a very established dynamic, which is important as that is one of the big differences between the book and the movie. (I’ll get into that more later.)

Whenever these two interact throughout the book, it’s clear that they have very different opinions on the incident that drove them apart and how their relationship functions now.

Ambrosius tries to act like it was simply an accident and that it doesn’t matter. Ballister became a villain of his own volition, and now they are arch-nemesises who have to fight because that’s their job -- though he doesn’t exactly act like he hates Ballister. 

Meanwhile Ballister saw it as a deep betrayal, and while he definitely still cares deeply about Ambrosius, he cannot get over the incident as easily as Ambrosius can.

Their respective feelings about what happened are shown perfectly in the scene in Chapter 7 where Ambrosius invites Ballister to meet with him in secret. Ambrosius tells him that the Institution has ordered him to kill Nimona and begs him to send her away, both so he doesn’t have to kill her and so things can go back to “normal.” Ballister then says that Ambrosius gave up normal at the joust.

AMBROSIUS: “I can’t believe you’re still hung up about that. It was a long time ago, you know.”

AMBROSIUS: “Besides, it was an ACCIDENT.”

BALLISTER: “I bet you’ve said that so many times you’ve started to actually believe it.”

Ambrosius insists it was an accident, and Ballister claims that he blasted off his arm because he couldn’t stand that Ballister was better than him. This sets Ambrosius off and they begin to argue.

AMBROSIUS: “You can’t blame me for how your life turned out! You made the choice to turn evil!”

BALLISTER: “Choice? I never had a choice! The Institution needed a villain. That lot fell to me. I never chose it.”

BALLISTER “And it could just as easily have been you, had that “accident” happened differently!”

AMBROSIUS: “Oh please! Do you really believe that?”

AMBROSIUS: “You never had it in you to be a hero! Everyone always knew that you were going to be the one to go bad!”

Ambrosius has convinced himself that Ballister chose to become evil, and that he isn’t responsible for what happened because it was an accident. We later learn that it wasn’t an accident though, which means that this really is him just making excuses so he doesn’t have to accept responsibility.

Ballister brings up the idea of Ambrosius becoming like him again after they fight, in one of if not my favorite scene between them in the whole book:

AMBROSIUS: “uugghh”

BALLISTER: “What if I cut off your arm right now?”

BALLISTER: “Then you’d see how fast the Institution would cast you aside. Just like they did me.”

AMBROSIUS: “You wouldn’t.”

BALLISTER: “No, I wouldn’t.”

BALLISTER: “And I’m the villain.”

BALLISTER: “What do you suppose that says about you?”

Ballister and Ambrosius are both very complicated individuals, and I think they lose a lot of their moral grayness in the movie. (Which I will get to later.) 

Ambrosius is the “hero”, but it was his ambition that drove him to blast Ballister’s arm off, and he’s never accepted responsibility for it, instead trying to convince himself that Ballister turned out this way because of his own actions. But he doesn’t disagree here that the Institution would throw him out if he were to lose his own arm, which I think is very telling. He knows deep down that he is not a good person, and he is not working for good people. But he doesn’t want to admit it.

Ballister is the “villain”, but in many ways he is better than Ambrosius. He abides by his own rules of never killing unless it’s necessary, and goes out of his way throughout the book to make sure that as few people are harmed as possible. He knows that the Institution is corrupt, because he was one of the people it failed. And he works to try and bring it down. 

Ambrosius cannot accept what happened, and because of that they aren’t able to get anywhere. They both know it wasn’t an accident. But because Ambrosius cannot admit it, they are stuck like this.

It’s a fascinating part of Ambrosius’ character that though he is adamant about Ballister being the one to destroy himself, he still cares about him. Much more openly than Ballister does in return, in fact. Ambrosius consistently does whatever he can to avoid having to kill him and always seems to have his wellbeing in mind. While he initially refused to kill Nimona, revolted at the idea that he should be ordered to kill “a little girl”, he eventually agrees to do so, but only under the condition that Ballister would be spared.

THE DIRECTOR: “Your motivations are quite transparent. I KNOW what the nature of your relationship was. I made it clear at the time that I disapproved. If your fixation on him has impeded your ability to do your job, then he truly has outlived his usefulness.”

THE DIRECTOR: “We’ll find you a new nemesis. Perhaps you will be more competent without Blackheart as a distraction.”

AMBROSIUS: “I won’t kill him. If you demand I kill the girl, I’ll do it - but I won’t kill him.”

Despite him and Ballister’s separation being his fault, he is the one who wishes most for things to go back to the way they were.  And this is likely why he refuses to accept responsibility about the joust. If it were truly an accident, then there shouldn’t be anything preventing them from continuing to be together. By painting it as an accident, Ballister becomes the villain for refusing to move on and let things go back to the way they were, not Ambrosius.

But finally, after Nimona disappears and Ballister lets himself be captured, we get probably the most important scene between these two. Ambrosius has been demoted due to his failure to kill Nimona, and is now forced to guard Ballister’s cell. Ambrosius is at his lowest that he’s been throughout the story, disgraced and discarded by the Institution who he had always been so loyal to.

It’s notable that Ambrosius says here that they both know Ballister is not evil, since he has been paddling that idea this whole time that Ballister made the choice to turn evil. By admitting that he is not, it shows that he is both starting to turn against the Institution, and starting to be more honest about what really happened.

Naturally, after Ambrosius wonders how things ended up like this and reminisces on when they were together, Ballister once again brings up the joust. And finally...

AMBROSIUS: “I- I never wanted to hurt you. I- I didn’t- It was-”

BALLISTER: “Don’t you dare try to tell me again that it was an accident.”

AMBROSIUS: “It wasn’t.”

...he admits the truth.

Ambrosius shares his side of the story, letting both us and Ballister in on what really happened that day. It wasn’t fully his fault -- the Director had called him into her office the night before the joust and told him that he had promise, that he was her choice out of the two, but that he had to prove himself against Ballister or that opportunity would go away.

On the day of the joust, Ambrosius received a weaponized lance instead of his regular one, which he instantly noticed. He asked what the Director expected him to do with it, and was told that she expected him to win.

To Ambrosius’ credit, he had no intention of using it, as he was confident that he would win. But the weight from the weaponized lance threw his balance off, and he ending up losing. And so...

AMBROSIUS: “I wanted it, more than anything. You never wanted it as much as me. You were just BETTER, without hardly even seeming to try.”

AMBROSIUS: “I don’t even remember- but I must have-”

[...]

AMBROSIUS: “I’m sorry, Ballister. I’m so sorry.”

To be fair, Ambrosius is not entirely to blame here. I doubt he would’ve come up with this idea on his own; he only acted on it because the Director had already given him the weaponized lance, and stressed the night before that the opportunities she dangled in front of him would not be given to him if he did not win. He was manipulated.

But he still made the decision to do it. He could’ve simply not used the lance. But he chose to. It is his fault.

It’s fascinating that the version of events Ambrosius had been swearing by this entire time is the exact opposite of what really happened. He claimed that it was an accident, he didn’t choose to do it, he had no choice, and that it was Ballister’s choice to become evil that caused all of this. But in reality, Ambrosius was the only one who got a choice here. And that choice is why their relationship was destroyed.

Ballister then brings attention to something even more damning:

BALLISTER: “You’ve never said it before.”

AMBROSIUS: “What?”

BALLISTER: “You never said you were sorry.”

AMBROSIUS: “I- didn’t?”

AMBROSIUS: “Oh god.”

I feel like you could interpret this in a lot of different ways, but the way I see it, they probably didn’t see each other much right after the incident. Ambrosius was catapulted into stardom as the kingdom’s beloved knight, and Ballister became a villain. I don’t think they really interacted much until their hero-villain antics started up, so I don’t think Ambrosius really had a chance to apologize. And if he did, he didn’t think to. Regardless of why, I do think it is messed up that he never apologized, and it goes to show just how much this event destroyed the bond they used to have.

From here, there’s not too much, as Plot Stuff starts getting serious around this point. Ambrosius ends up betraying the Institution after they continuously attack Ballister to provoke Nimona, attacking the guards who are holding him. This is when Ambrosius finally chooses Ballister over the Institution, which is great for his character, but there’s not really much more than that to say about it.

He and Ballister plan together to try and save the kingdom, with Ambrosius being adamant that they have to kill Nimona while Ballister refuses to. It’s during this conversation that Ambrosius mentions that he “never did anything good [his] whole life”, which is really sad but also kind of accurate, and it goes to show how he’s finally accepted responsibility for everything he’s done and had a part in up to this point.

Eventually Ballister is able to find a way to nerf her and they split up, with Ambrosius wanting to tell him something in case they don’t see each other again, but Ballister shuts him down.

BALLISTER: “We can’t do this now. Just... just promise me you won’t get yourself killed.”

It’s easy to assume this was something romantic and it likely was, but I imagine Ambrosius could’ve also wanted to say sorry again for everything. Perhaps it would’ve been a mix of both.

Regardless, they split up and climax stuff happens: Ambrosius attempts to kill Nimona but gets seriously injured, Ballister tries to reason with Nimona, etc. etc. Eventually at the very end, we see that these two have made peace and are together again, living on after everything. And that’s these two in the book!

Whew. I know that was a lot, but don’t worry. I won’t be going into as much detail about the movie’s version of events, as Ambrosius and Ballister have a much more cut-and-dry dynamic there than in the book. Their relationship in the original is very complex, so I wanted to make sure I covered all of those little nuances.

The joust is what defines their relationship and a lot of their respective characters; it is unimaginably important. Ballister became a villain because he lost his arm and was cast aside by the Institution. Ambrosius became the kingdom’s hero because he took Ballister out of the picture. They are unable to be around each other normally for very long because of their divided views of what happened. It is only after Ambrosius finally faces the truth that they are able to find peace together once more.

All of this is to say that it’s extremely hard to imagine what their relationship would be like in the graphic novel had the joust not happened the way it did. Which brings us to...

Part 2: The Movie (AKA: “My Boyfriend Sliced Off My Arm Because I Literally Killed Someone!”)

Before we start, I want to again stress that I am not trying to argue that any changes made here are inherently inferior. I am merely pointing out the differences between the book and the movie that contribute to the overall dissonance I and many others have felt when it comes to these two across versions.

Right off the bat, we are greeted with the movie’s version of Ambrosius and Ballister’s backstory. Like was implied in the book, they appear to be together (or something along those lines) which is great to actually see. But it quickly becomes clear that the events here are far different.

Instead of a joust, it is a knighting ceremony. There is no competition between Ballister and Ambrosius here. Ambrosius is knighted and cheered for, and then it is Ballister’s turn. He is knighted and everyone is silent before breaking into cheers as well. And then...

...his sword suddenly turns into a cannon and kills the queen. And in retaliation...

...Ambrosius chops his arm off.

Now if you’ve listened to ANYTHING I’ve said so far, this should immediately set off alarm bells. Because this one little difference changes everything about these two’s dynamic.

In the book, Ambrosius shot off Ballister’s arm in order to win his position. It was an entirely selfish and evil action spurred on only by his uncontrollable want to be the winner.

But here, Ambrosius is debatably justified in his response. Sure, he didn’t have to be as drastic as slicing his whole arm off (and I know there’s symbolism there with how the kingdom has taught people to get rid of problems), but Ballister -- to him -- literally just shot the queen. The queen who Ambrosius has sworn to protect. It is completely reasonable for him to respond in this way. And that’s a huge difference.

By changing this, we already have a completely different situation. Ambrosius here didn’t particularly want to cut Ballister’s arm off, it was a reflex, a response to a sudden danger. (Not saying he wanted to in the book, but there he made the deliberate decision to do so. In the movie it seems much more like an actual accident -- an overreaction that he immediately regrets and, as we’ll see, continues to regret.) And there was justification for it. There was no justification for it in the book. 

Instead of an Ambrosius whose ambition caused him to commit an evil act of betrayal against the man he was closest to, we now have an Ambrosius who, in the heat of the moment, overreacted like he was trained to after Ballister seemingly betrayed him. We’ll see over the course of the movie how this affects things, but that’s not the only major change here.

As we figure out shortly afterward, the movie makes a huge change when it comes to how the story functions, and that’s the timeline of events. In the book, the joust and the subsequent fallout between Ballister and Ambrosius happened years ago. We don’t know how long, but it’s clearly been a while. Enough time has passed where they are fully settled into their roles as hero and villain, and they look significantly younger in the flashbacks as well.

Like previously stated, book Ballister has been a villain for a while. He is completely settled into this role and has been making schemes and having fights of the week with Ambrosius for a considerable time. He knows what he’s doing. He has his own way of doing things, and when Nimona inserts herself into his life much of their early dynamic is him teaching her how he does things. In the book, Ballister is the teacher, Nimona is the student.

But in the movie, this incident just happened. It's unclear how exactly long it's been, but judging from Ballister's arm being created and his wounds healing it's probably been around a month.

Regardless of exactly how long it's been, the point is that these events are still very fresh. Ballister seemingly has just been laying low, not villain-ing it up, and he and Ambrosius haven't seen each other since the knighting ceremony. This changes literally everything about Ballister’s character. This post is specifically about Ambrosius and Ballister’s dynamic and not a Ballister character analysis so I’ll try to keep it brief, but movie Ballister seriously could not be more different from the book.

Compare this to movie Ballister, who I’m pretty sure never knows what he’s doing ever, at any point. He was training to be a knight. He has seemingly never once questioned the Institution. Now he has suddenly lost his arm and been thrust out into the unknown of being treated as a villain, and he has no idea how to handle it. Then Nimona shows up, tells him “hey, the Institution sucks”, and eventually he ends up believing so as well. In the movie, Nimona is the teacher, Ballister is the student.

Book Ballister actively resents the Institution and has no doubts that what they did to him is wrong. He has been plotting their downfall for a while. Nimona, on the other hand, seems to be out of the loop when it comes to the Institution and seemingly only starts hating them after she finds out how they threw Ballister out. Again, I’d just like to stress how completely and totally opposite their dynamic in the movie is compared to this.

There’s also Ballister being a scientist and being much more jaded in the book, but that’s not really important for the purposes of this post. So alas, I shall move on.

This different timeframe greatly impacts Ambrosius and Ballister’s dynamic, and obviously it would. There is a huge difference between a falling-out that happened years ago and you’re both still bitter about, and a falling-out that happened very recently. This, along with the different course of events resulting in said falling-out, is what causes their dynamic to feel so alien.

Also while talking about their early interactions in the movie, I’d just like to point out that while here Nimona is the one to assume Ambrosius is Ballister’s arch-nemesis and call him such, which Ballister doesn’t agree with, they were actually arch-nemeses in the book. Just something I noticed.

Something else I find interesting is later on, Ballister seems to be almost in disbelief about Ambrosius cutting off his arm and makes excuses for him.

BALLISTER: “He didn’t cut off my arm. He disarmed a weapon.”

BALLISTER: “It’s how we were trained.”

(Side note, but I wonder if book Ballister ever felt this way right after the joust? Did he try to convince himself it was an accident too, once upon a time? Did he try to make excuses?)

And to be fair, he is sort of right. Like I said before, Ambrosius’ reaction to Ballister seemingly killing the queen was debatably justified. While we’re obviously supposed to side with Nimona here and agree that Ballister should be more upset at Ambrosius for what he did, the movie definitely paints Ambrosius as more sympathetic overall. We see him freaking out internally about cutting off Ballister’s arm, and there is a lot of emphasis placed on how he and the others were trained by the Institution, inviting the audience to place more of the blame on the system that taught Ambrosius to act this way rather than him as a person.

And again, I’m not saying this is a bad thing! I love a good "taking down a corrupt system” story, and with the different circumstances of the movie it definitely makes more sense to play it this way. But in comparison to the book, Ambrosius is much easier to sympathize with. His character is changed from a very morally gray person who did something horrible and won’t admit it, to a pretty okay person who did something horrible and wholly accepts and bemoans that fact. He’s almost the opposite of what he was in the book.

So we have an Ambrosius who accepts what he did to Ballister and feels awful about it, and a Ballister who has no idea what he’s doing and is basically just being dragged around by Nimona. With both of them being basically the complete opposite of how they were in the book, is it any wonder that their relationship with each other feels so different when they themselves are so different?

Also, once again, the circumstances are very different. There is no Queen murder plot in the book, nor is their any attempt to clear Ballister’s name. A significantly different setting makes a difference too.

I don’t see a need to go into further detail about specific scenes in the movie as I think I’ve made my point clear. But going back to the movie’s lack of Ambrosius and Ballister’s already established hero-villain dynamic, I think these differences are made quite apparent just contrasting how they talk to each other. I mean, just compare these two scenes:

AMBROSIUS: “What? You’re gonna kill me now too?”

BALLISTER: “You believe that?”

BALLISTER: “Then you never knew me at all.”

AMBROSIUS: “uugghh”

BALLISTER: “What if I cut off your arm right now?”

BALLISTER: “Then you’d see how fast the Institution would cast you aside. Just like they did me.”

AMBROSIUS: “You wouldn’t.”

BALLISTER: “No, I wouldn’t.”

BALLISTER: “And I’m the villain.”

BALLISTER: “What do you suppose that says about you?”

Their relationship in the movie is much softer and healthier than it was in the book. Their dialogue in the movie tends to lean much more towards tried-and-true “friendship betrayal” stuff; the wound of Ballister’s “betrayal” may be fresher, but it’s clear both of them love each other far more than they resent each other. In the book, it is the opposite. The movie could NEVER have the bar fight scene. It’s too ugly and bitter to fit these softer versions of Ambrosius and Ballister.

Part 3: Conclusion

So, that was a lot. I hope it’s a little clearer now how big the differences are between these two’s dynamic in the book and the movie! Especially if you’re someone who is only familiar with one or the other. While I prefer the book due to me tending to prefer more complex and messy relationship dynamics, I totally understand the appeal of the more loving and healthy relationship Ambrosius and Ballister have in the movie.

To summarize, here are some of the main takeaways:

Ambrosius causing Ballister to lose his arm is completely unjustified in the book and happens due to Ambrosius’ wild ambition, while in the movie it is a debatably justified reflexive action in response to an active threat.

Ambrosius overall is portrayed as much more sympathetic in the movie, with the system itself being more to blame for what happened.

In the book, the main thing keeping them apart was Ambrosius’ refusal to take responsibility and admit what he did. In the movie, it’s a misunderstanding about Ballister seemingly turning evil.

In the book, Ambrosius and Ballister have a very established hero-villain dynamic with the joust having happened years ago. In the movie the “betrayal” is still very fresh, which leads to very different interactions between the two.

And that’s about it! Thank you for reading this very long post. And if you haven’t read the original graphic novel or watched the movie, go do that!!! Much love to ND Stevenson and the rest of the people who made this story come to life.

Let me know your thoughts in the tags or the replies! Which version do you prefer? Are there any other factors you feel have a significant role in why their relationship feels so different? Or do you think I’m totally wrong about this and they feel basically the same to you?

Either way, thanks again for reading and goodbye!

[returnsandreturns]

i accidentally started rereading the last few chapters of the shoebox project and got knocked over with a wave of nostalgia. jkr is trash and harry potter should be supported in no way but i am keeping my shoebox pdf tucked away in my google drive forever. if i could write fic for it right now without inadvertently promoting hp, i absolutely would.

(also, i think it is absurdly obvious how much it influenced my own writing which i did not realize but, looking at it now, that's how i write my silly quips and my tender moments and stuff)

(also i'm friends on instagram with jaida from some kind of loose affiliation we had and they always like stuff i post which makes me feel cool because i do still lowkey fangirl. i need to finish reading their cool steampunk dragon books someday.)

ANYWAY, fuck jkr, but there is a shoebox pdf in the world if you do a quick google.

[jackienautism]

I just saw that post about your thoughts on the counselors and I'm curious, have there been any major changes since then?

i just skimmed the post youre talking abt (i write a lot huh) but honestly? i haven't had TOO many major changes since. JUST REALIZED ITS COMING UP TO AYEAR SINCE I POSTED IT IN MAY? THATS SO CRAZY TO ME WTF but anyway

nvm ill read through exactly what i said. the post is here btw

dylan: still pretty much the same opinion as back then LMAO i did have a more recent convo abt dylan (which def changed some thoughts abt him. esp related to his potential adhd and lack of a filter) but i stilll don't like him, sorry

nick: same thoughts as before honestly. i still think he doesn't deserve abi in the slightest. and his involvement w/ emma's dare still makes me very upset, ESP when the fanbase refuses to acknowledge his involvement in it lol. i dont doubt that racism comes into play w/ nick and his whole lack of a story and such, but i jut. i cant stand him

jacob: i take back the flip flop thing btw. i lowkey cant stand him. but to be honest:? ive gotten WAAAY less tolerant of male characters in general lately. and jacob is not exempt from this lol. i have yet to play TQ again (it's been quite a bit) but! maybe after we play tonight things will change. ill prob rb again if things do

ryan: HOWEVER. DO YOU KNOW /IS/ EXEMPT FROM MY "I HATE ALL MALE CHARACTERS" MINDSET? RYAN ERZAHLER. 100%. i love him lots and ppl r very mean to him fo r no reason. i talked abt this briefly in my angourie!cady post but just. when characters show certain autistic traits that YOU ALL cant deal w/ or understand, suddenly theyre a shitty person? they don't care abt their friends? theyre boring? KILLS YOU

max: he also is a pretty respectable guy to me i love you max. but as i said originally. i dont rly think abt him much

emma: she def had the biggest shift for me while playing the game for the first time!!!!! but in terms of like. if anything changed from when i wrote the original note? i dont rly think so tbh. reread waht i wrot eback then it rly makes it seem like i hate her 😭😭😭😭😭 I PROMISE I DONT..... I ACTUALLY LOVE HER SO MUCH...... SHE MEANS A LOT TO ME....... i just cant stand how she acts towards abi sometimes. def my biggest criticism of her. but at the same time. i understand WHY she acts the way she does. she means sooo muchto me. and esp seeing all your talk abt autistic emma? i just think that makes sooo much sense fo rher.and i LOVE it so much

kaitlyn: i dont even feel lik e going throuhg it all but. i feel like she may have gotten a little lower since i wrote that post? just bc i tjhink toooo many ppl think shes better than she actually is bc of her association w/ dylan? it pisses me off sooooo bad. and ive made posts abt this before but like. her character in general still aggravates me 😭 and i DO still stand by what i said in that og post. theres jsut... shes not that complex sorry guys. esp compared to EMILY? lLIKE. i know its unfair to compare the 2 but its pretty damn obvious that thye were going for another emily in kaitlyn lmao and they FAILED. MISERABLY

abi: oh.. abi oh abi i love you. i still hold her so close to me. she is so me for real (beats anyone up who says tjhat she's Them) i mean who said that

laura: LOVE U LAURA!!!!!!!!! i still dont have like TOO many in depth thouhgts abt her but just. know ever since i began roleplaying as her shes become THAT much more beloved and :] i love you girl

THAJK YOU FOR SENIDNG THIS IN!!!! AND SORRY FOR TAKING A BIT TO ANSWER

[intrepidacious]

time after time: reread edition [1]

series summary: After what starts out as a fairly normal mission, you find yourself stuck in a time loop. Which would already be bad enough in itself if it didn’t also mean having to watch Bucky die over and over again.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

word count: 6.0k

chapter warnings: canon-typical violence, accidentally starting a time loop, banter, pretty angsty to start us off with ngl, reminder to read the fic premise. please note that my blog is rated 18+. minors dni. ageless/empty blogs will be blocked without warning.

read the full chapter here | series masterlist | reread masterlist

wouldn't you know it, it's friday already!! this is a reread of already published chapters, so if you're new to this story, i would highly suggest not starting here and reading the actual story first. please be aware that by clicking the read more you're gonna see spoilers for chapter one 💚

how it started

welcome to the reread. i'm pretty sure this is the part of the post i'll only do once, but we'll see how it goes.

i swear to god, i only wanted to write a fun little time loop fic. it was never supposed to be this huge thing; it just kept growing. it's two years later now and i'm still writing—granted, that's after taking several long breaks because this story gives me headaches like no other, but still. i've never poured this much love into one story, i think.

and we can all blame russian doll for it.

turn back the clock – tl;dr

we start with a mission. sam, bucky and the reader, soon-to-be nicknamed twelve, are checking up on a secret lab. against all odds, bucky gets killed right before the fight seems to be won. twelve uses her time powers to prevent this from happening, loses consciousness and wakes up in her bed earlier that day. she goes through the entire day again, thinking her reset worked as intended, only for bucky to die in a different situation during the same mission and her waking up in her bed again.

behind the loop

welcome to my first running commentary on my own story. you’re gonna be sick of me really soon.

depending on how new you are to this story, you might not know that the chapter titles are all taken from movies. sadly i haven't seen most of them but the ones i have seen do feature a little in one way or another. more about that when we get to that point, though. the title cards for this story were also so fun to make because i just recoloured the actual movie posters!!

i’m gonna be honest with you, i keep forgetting that this first flashback exists. but i lowkey love it?? i like how it sets the tone for the angst that’s stitched into the very fabric of this story while simultaneously being juxtaposed with the first actual, very blunt introduction of our main cast.

the start of that mission was one of the first things i ever wrote for this fic, but the whole transition from the upstairs lab to downstairs and the actual fight scene were the last parts before posting.

“Do you think I’d pass up the opportunity to hear the two of you scream in terror when the vampire puppets creep up on you?” “Gotta disappoint you, cap,” you grin and wait for him to check the map. “I only scream when there’s good reason.” “I don’t wanna interrupt,” Bucky interrupts over the intercom, “but they’re heading your way now, so get a move on.”

writing banter is one of my all-time favourite activities. i also already knew at this point that i was gonna write a lot of it over and over again, and so i needed to vary the interjections in order to not bore everyone to bits. i like to think it worked out, but you tell me.

my beloved nightmare flashmob was such a fun antagonist to include. they will be named in the next chapter but if there are comic readers among you, i feel like i have to apologise because i definitely haven’t read enough of them to properly do these guys justice. they did seem like a logical step up from the version of the flag smasher(s) we encountered in tfatws, though. plus, there’s just enough of them to be a realistic threat to three very capable superheroes.

And then his eyes glaze over. You scream.

i’m so evil lmao

You wake up with a start to the sun in your face and FRIDAY blasting The All-American Rejects at full volume.

spoiler alert, you’ll encounter that sentence a couple of times. and i still love it. fun fact, i genuinely set my playlist to shuffle to decide on the song that was going to play to wake her up, and this was the one i landed on. and i couldn’t have come up with a better choice. honestly, look at the lyrics and tell me i’m wrong. i love how things work out sometimes.

originally, the decision to set the story on july 4th was very practical because i needed my available settings to be limited. this isn’t punxsutawney, pennsylvania in the middle of a snowstorm, this is new york city after the blip. i wanted our characters to have at least somewhat limited options what to do during their ever-repeating day. (on a sidenote, do you think we’ll ever see avengers compound again in the mcu? how long are they going to rebuild that thing? anyway.)

“Feels a little … déjà-vu-y.” “I know the type,” Sam says. “Wanna talk about it?” You do. But the time stuff is your problem to deal with, and so you shake your head.

isn’t it great to have a full ensemble of characters who absolutely will not talk about their feelings to each other? (derogatory) is it more interesting from a narrative point of view? … i suppose.

i love twelve’s rings though. are they entirely useless for the duration of this loop? maybe. but i love that she has them to physically show her how stuck she is <3 other things that i love: bucky calling sam bud. it just makes sense.

A surge of emptiness goes through you, unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Time seems to still for just the blink of an eye as Bucky’s head is thrown forwards.

and there we have it. ✨dread.✨ this is such an evil way to end a chapter, wow. i had fun, though. was it fun for you?

how it's going

well, actually. i've been writing chapter seven as well as a secret bonus chapter this week, and i've made reasonable progress on both which i'm quite proud of. i really hope i can report that i got started on chapter eight this time next week, but we'll see. i think the worst of my writer's block is gone, at least. and all it took was a little self-indulgence and an external deadline. who'd have thunk.

if you made it to this point of my rambles, thank you. lmk how i can keep these interesting for you to read, and if you have any questions about the story, you know where to find me!! also: please please please consider leaving a comment or a reblog on the actual chapter. it would mean the world 💚

[a-little-unsteddie]

i’m just thinking things that hurt me so i’ma hurt you all with them to (/pos?) (lowkey 2nd pov?)

post-s4 au from Eddie’s pov, except something is off. you don’t notice it right away, watching as the party and eddie continue with their plans post-vecna, see him help the party defeat the son-of-a-bitch and steve yells ‘this is for eddie you asshole!’ while the others are also yelling similar things, ‘this is for chrissy!’, and ‘this is for barb!’, and ‘this is for billy!’ to name a few

so it’s weird, that as eddie is shouting ‘chrissy’, steve is shouting ‘eddie’ and the detail just sets you off, because eddie is right there, which you think is odd but eddie did lose a lot in the original battle, it took him a long time to heal fro- well no it didn’t? eddie has been right there all along with them? you go back and reread because surely eddie isn’t— eddie is even there for the saved-the-world party they had. but now you see eddie is just, observing. he’s not interacting, he’s not engaging anyone, just watching. and the world continues to move on.

they don’t acknowledge eddie, and so eddie decides to follow steve until the man says something because surely he would then, but no. all eddie comes to realize is that steve is also moving on, but still holding on so dearly to eddie. he gets a girlfriend, typical, then a boyfriend, intriguing, but all throughout steve still wakes some nights, throat raw from screaming for eddie. he sees some partners help steve, some ridicule him and leave. eddie sees steve still make routine check ups with everyone, eddie… eddie included, but steve only lingers on the line long enough to hear the munson trailer’s old voicemail, and then hang up.

by this point you know eddie is dead, and eddie knows he’s dead, and seeing a partner help steve through each and every time he has a nightmare is enough for eddie to break down because he wants that, he wants to be the person who comforts steve after a nightmare, which is painful because eddie knows he never could have that, and he also knows that he never even had the chance to have it because he died, he died, and he would never know what it was like to be truly loved by steve harrington but now he knows that if he had survived, lived, then he could have had this and he mourns for a relationship never had been, but could have been

eddie mourning a life never lived.

[bloodboundsiege]

out of curiosity, what made you decide to make this into a full fledged visual novel instead of just writing a fic? esp since afaik there hasn't been a demand/outcry for more bloodbound

(this ended up being rlly long, so I'm putting it under a cut. if you don't want to read all of that, the tl;dr is I've been working on an spec adaptation of Bloodbound since 2021, I've been making edits with Choices assets for a little over a year now, and I started messing around with ren'py during my stint in the now no longer active @nightboundthesecond project, and this spinoff is the culmination of all of those things bc I wanted to do something w them).

Anyways, here's the long version:

So...I kind of already did. Sort of.

In summer of 2021, I was going through a pretty bad depressive episode and ended up rereading Bloodbound (which got me back into the fandom as a whole, more on that in a sec). When the dust cleared, I began really heavily reconsidering what exactly I was doing with my life.

I'd been toying with the possibility of doing a film MFA of some kind, but I was worried I didn't have the skillset to get into any grad programs. So, I began teaching myself how to write screenplays by adapting Bloodbound into a spec TV series. From August 2021 to April 2022, I wrote twenty-eight episodes, with three rounds of revisions, which really strengthened my abilities as a writer. I'm currently at a T10 film school getting an MFA. I wouldn't be where I am without doing that. Part of my love for Bloodbound stems from the fact that it quite literally changed my life.

The very nature of turning a book into a screenplay/teleplay is that you have to restructure a lot of plot points so they fit in better with the new medium. With a TV adaptation, you also usually have to build onto the source material. For Bloodbound, that meant fleshing things out and creating new characters to move the plot forward. It also meant exploring things that either happened offscreen or were only brief scenes.

And so when it came time to write episodes for the book 2 adaptation, the huge aspect of that was going into New York City and seeing what Gaius was doing during his hostile takeover. And since I had very little to work with from the source material, I had to come up with a lot of stuff off the cuff. And as I put those storylines together, I was like there's actually some pretty interesting stuff here. This visual novel is based off of that stuff.

@clansayeed and his fantastic reimaginings of Bloodbound and Nightbound had been on my radar for a while at this point, but I wasn't aware of the fake caps he made until I actually checked out his tumblr account. I thought they were really fucking cool. As a little private celebration for finishing the third round of edits for season 1 (and to let myself take a break), I decided to teach myself how to make fakecaps and recreate a few scenes from my adaptation in the Choices format:

I found out that I really enjoyed reworking assets into new outfits and character designs--lowkey, putting on a podcast or a video essay, opening up pixlr, and just making stuff became one of my go-to ways to unwind in the midst of mfa apps and life in general--, so I started making more fandom service stuff for fun and posting them on Reddit. I made a variety of stuff: role reversal AU edits, general dress up stuff, and of course... "on the set of [choices book]: the tv show" fake caps.

I feel like you're not really supposed to say this, but it was kind of validating to me that a lot of those posts did like. Decent numbers. And that kind of motivated me to get better at doing it, especially in the beginning.

And then...It Lives Within dropped. And I think that shifted a lot of how people--myself included--considered what they could do within a fandom space like Choices. Like, if we could make our own shit, why not? I was really intrigued by the idea, and so when there were calls for writers and sprite artists for a Nightbound project, I jumped at the opportunity.

(As a side note, I think the fact that now there are people within the fandom making their own sequels/spinoffs/whatever is gonna be rlly interesting for the general ecosystem of the Choices fandom and its future, but that's a convo for another time lol)

While the team I was on is no longer working on a sequel, being part of that group did a lot for me, and I look back on being part of that really fondly. I think we all were kind of picking up whatever we needed to do, regardless of if it was what we signed on for. For me, that meant teaching myself how to use Ren'py. The thing was, this was still in the really early stages of development, which meant I didn't have a lot of story to play with. So...

I was kind of like. Fuck it. Let me try my own thing out.

The original idea was actually a prequel set in the 1910s, as I'd done an MC set and an LI set based on that very premise, but the problem was that there are so few assets from that time period, and asset creation has never been my strong suit. But then, I thought back to the adaptation I'd been working on.

Some of the strongest writing I think I've ever done was in the episodes where the primary storylines were following Gaius's takeover of New York. I think a lot of the themes of the second book came out in those moments. And as cool as it would be, as much as I've fantasized about it, I don't think Bloodbound: The TV Show is ever happening. So it made sense for me to rework that into a visual novel spinoff.

In terms of the actual framing of this story, I spent a lot of time in the Bloodbound tags in the early days of working on my adaptation. I was deep in those tags. And it's really interesting to see what people expected it to be before its release. Part of it was the assumption of a Clan sorting system. Obviously, that wasn't actually the case.

Additionally, I think a lot of people were frustrated by the fact that Bloodbound's MC isn't really given the option to just. Be bad. Which then makes moments like this super jarring:

So, I decided to put everything I'd learned together. I was working on the GUI/character creation features for Nightbound (side note, the GUI in this game isn't an absolutely perfect replication of the Choices GUI yet and won't be for the demo, but we're getting there), I had a ton of edits I'd made that I wasn't using for anything, and I had a story that I knew could be reworked into an arc about a new vampire in New York City during Gaius's coup.

But with this project in general, it's less about a demand for a sequel/midquel/spinoff within the fandom and more like. I noticed that there were some things people wanted out of Bloodbound and didn't get, and trying to give it to them, because I wanted those things too, and I felt like I had the means to create that. When I've talked to IRL friends about this project (non of whom play Choices), I've just been like "yeah it's a visual novel fanfic" because...it's a visual novel fanfic.

So. That's why.

(This was super long (and felt a little self centered, sorry!), but if you read all of that, I hope it all made sense. All of this is to say that this has been a labor of love for a book series I've been living with for a year and a half, and I want to get part of what I've done with it out of my head. I hope you all like it.)

[writerownstory]

Ghost Whisperer x JATP AU

my first time posting on Juke Jeudi and it’s a lil snippet of the Ghost Whisperer AU I’ve been working on 😌 I started out with a completely different idea…. but then half way through a new idea popped into my head and alas, I started over. I wasn’t gonna post this part because it’s lowkey a spoiler, but also Juke becoming Juke isn’t a spoiler so. here we are. as per usual I haven’t totally reread it because if I did, it would never get posted!

~

Julie shakes her head at the thought. Best not to get carried away. She heads to the backroom, determined to sort through their latest shipment and get the new items out into the shop. She’s so involved in her task that she doesn’t think twice when Flynn appears in the backroom. “Jules, there’s a customer up front you need to take care of.”

“Okay, I’ll be right there.” Julie picks up the neatly folded stack of t-shirts under her arm and makes her way to the counter. The semi-familiar mop of brown hair and sleeveless shirt should’ve clued her in, but instead her mind is miles away until she drops the t-shirts on a box and steps up to the counter, only to come face to face with the hazel eyes that have haunted her dreams. Her own eyes widen. “Luke!”

“Hey Julie.” His smile is effortless, lighting up the rest of his face. “You work here?”

“Actually, I own the place. You know, when I’m not shredding on the piano.”

Luke’s smile brightens, if that’s even possible. “This shop is literally the coolest. I always used to come in here all the time growing up.” He places the vinyls he’d been holding under his arm on the counter.

“Yeah, actually my—“ Everything in Julie freezes as her eyes land on the vinyl on top of Luke’s pile. Her eyes trace the familiar magenta font above four women staring down the camera, as if daring the viewer to give their music a try. Her mom’s face, young and worry free, without the worn lines of cancer aging her features, glaring up at her. She wonders, not for the first time, if Rose knew about her Gift back then and how she balanced it with the rest of her normal life.

As if on cue, a voice breaks through her reverie, “Come on man, be careful with that! It’s one of my prized possessions!”

Julie eyes track to the opposite side of the store where Flynn is setting up a display with an old record player they’d thrifted to help display different vinyl records each week. A young boy probably around 18 or 19, with shaggy blonde hair was hovering over Flynn’s shoulder, watching her fiddle with it. “You better not be selling this to just anybody,” the boy tells the back of Flynn’s head. Her instinct is to address the boy, but she momentarily forgets no one else can see him despite Flynn’s lack of a reaction.

“Julie?”

She looks back up at Luke who’s watching her closely, concern etched in his features.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” she breathes out. “I, uh...” She hesitates, but the look on his face warms something inside her chest and she feels like it’s okay. “This is my mom’s debut album with her band.” Her finger traces her mom’s face on the cover and realization hits Luke immediately.

“Your mom is Rose Sanchez? Of Rose and the Petal Pushers?”

“She usually goes by Rose Molina but yeah.” His recognition makes her smile. “That’s her.”

His gaze softens into something akin to awe and it threatens to turn Julie’s insides to mush. “Just when I thought you couldn’t be any more amazing.”

Julie scoffs, but the smile framed by the color on her face is unmistakable. She’s so flustered, she doesn’t even have time to react as Flynn appears beside her, leaning against the counter.

“You must be Luke.”

Without missing a beat he responds, “You must be Flynn.”

Flynn looks back at Julie. “I think I like him.”

Luke’s whole face lights up in delight and Julie knows how much he wants to get along with her friends and family. Reggie and Alex had taken to her all too well, and Luke wanted the same for him and Flynn.

“But if you hurt her, I won’t be held responsible for my actions.” She levels him with a hard glare before moving away from the counter and disappearing among the racks.

Luke traps his bottom lip between his teeth in an attempt to tamper his grin but it only works until Flynn is out of sight. It sets off butterflies in Julie’s stomach. “I think that was a Flynn approval.”

“Not quite,” she teases. “But she does like you.”

[brechtian]

hey so ik you JUST got an ask about the waves but. can i ask about the waves too

okay so virginia woolf is like FAMOUS for her feminist novels and to me it almost seems like the waves is the odd one out. i just reread it (and annotated, and underlined, and highlighted, and tabbed, and pronounced it one of my favorite books because HOW COULD YOU NOT ITS SO WONDERFUL AND THOUGHT-PROVOKINGG AND POETIC) and although i love it the female characters seem to have more stereotypically feminine roles. i checked the introduction of my copy (intro by molly hite) and saw that it said "The Waves did not offer such exemplary female characters or themes: Indeed, it gave its female characters stereotypical feminine persuits, while its male characters were writers and also active in the public sphere."

there wasn't much elaboration in the intro however (i might be wrong about this though, i lowkey hate reading introductions it's my fatal flaw i'm sorry) except that later on feminists re-examined the waves and looked at subtext. (like how rhoda is a lesbian icon now bc of the mrs lambert passage)

but still, susan is housewife and mother, a stereotypically feminine role (i adore susan but analyzing characters sometimes means discarding some emotional connection for me) and jinny is the romantic sensualist. idk i love jinny and susan but yk i'm just thinking about their roles specifically regarding gender roles HELP IDK I'M PROBABLY MAKING A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF RN AND AM MISUNDERSTANDING SMTH REALLY MAJOR IM SORRY

i was just wondering your thoughts on this?? i mean i just stumbled across your tumblr a few days ago from this other (kind of boring but likes-the-waves-too) blog and you seem to have really interesting opinions abt the waves !! no pressure to respond obv

Hi!! I’m about to get on a plane to London so I will see if I’m able to get all my thoughts out in time. I’ll begin by saying that I’ve read a fairly considerable body of scholarship surrounding the waves, but none of that was particularly feminism-focused scholarship (it was primarily formalism, biographical crit, and analyses of spirituality, science, & metaphysics in the novel with some post colonialism thrown in), so most of this is based off of my personal analysis and discussions I’ve had with my Virginia Woolf professor. I actually love the women in The Waves, but I think a pivotal starting point is the understanding that all of the characters in The Waves function as concepts and ideas first and as actual people second. With that said, I think it is notable that there is not a female artistic/scholarly presence in the book beyond the vaguely mentioned, never-named woman writing in her room (often viewed as being Woolf herself). Originally The Waves included a narrator character that was female and felt very much like a stand-in for Woolf, and I wonder if that was meant to sort of be the female writer/intellectual presence in the novel but got cut to make the book cleaner. Regardless, each of the women are functioning both as archetypes and commentary on their archetypes.

Jinny is probably the least obviously a critique, but I think you definitely very clearly still get it in some moments where she links sexuality and sensuality with violence and objectification.

I also read some criticism that discusses how Jinny as a character can be seen as combatting the solipsism in the book by conveying the possibility and beauty of living physically in one’s own being & that the flesh cannot be ignored, finding a kind of power and importance in the female body (which feels very cixous second wave feminism). Overall, though, I think it’s a discredit to Woolf to not view Jimmy as an explicit examination of her archetype.

Rhoda & Susan are my girls and my favorite characters in the entire novel. If Susan is not just the most brilliant and breathtaking critique of the wife-mother expectation of women of the time what is. One of the most heartbreaking passages in the entire book to me is when Susan, who found freedom and joy in nature and movement and being one with the outside world (exacerbated by continuous connections between her and animals & nature), is confined to moving exclusively between the rooms of her house. She even immediately evokes the image of the dead mother as she goes.

Susan also holds so so so much anger, like violent fury, the exact opposite of what one would expect from the perfect housewife, and her motherhood is portrayed really as something more animalistic than anything. I also love that her husband is like completely irrelevant to both her and the book; even though becoming a housewife is a horrible restraint placed upon her I think Woolf is playing with expectations by the husband being a nameless shadow and just a vehicle for Susan to get her child (AND functioning as a commentary on the absence of men’s presence and aid in the domestic sphere). I think knowing about Woolf’s opinion of motherhood (continued horror & fascination by it) and her complex feelings surrounding her sister’s motherhood rly adds to understanding why Susan is Like That and so fierce in her nurturing. I also love the passage early on where Susan talks about crumpling the calendar pages in balls and discarding them, her vengeant war against time itself.

RHODA!!! I’m literally getting a Rhoda tattoo that’s my girl my girl!!!!!!! She is psychosis she is transcendence and isolation and mirrors and the waves itself my god. Rhoda is the moon tarot Rhoda is Inland Empire from disco elysium. There is a very fragile membrane between the characters of the waves and Something Larger (my whole capstone paper was on occult spirituality in the waves and my planned future masters thesis will be on ghosts and souls in Woolf’s work), maybe God or the Universe but symbolized in the novel as the ocean of which the characters function as individual waves, but Rhoda is the one for whom this membrane is the most frayed. I honestly don’t know if I have much to say about Rhoda from a feminist perspective other than I find her fascinating and that while I don’t usually encourage overly biographical readings of Woolf it becomes very very apparent if you know Woolf’s diaries and letters well that Rhoda is a mirror of Woolf’s own periods of poor mental health. I guess it relates in that to me Rhoda is of course a woman because she is the most explicitly connected to Woolf herself (in Hermione Lee’s biography, she presents the reading of each of the characters of the waves as members of the Bloomsbury group and Rhoda is picked out as the Woolf parallel. I don’t agree with this reading but it is significant to me how immediately Rhoda is identifiable with Woolf). Okay I’m about to board my flight but if you want to talk any more about the waves or have more specific questions about anything I said let me know!!!

RHODA YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!!

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

THINGS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT MY FELLOW WRITERS

this is a super fun tag prompt list, thanks @littleplasticrat!

tagging: @commander-krios @graysparrowao3 and anyone else who wants it!

here we go ✨ below the cut for considerable length, discussion of my generally E-rated work and brief unpopular opinions (lol).

Last book I read: I’m currently part way through The Left Hand of Darkness (Ursula K Le Guin) and Exhalation (Ted Chiang), and am in a constant state of rereading Pride and Prejudice. Honestly just been writing more than reading lately but I really want to finish these two books! I also devoured The New Topping Book as fuel for my Steel Weave kink adventures, lmao.

Greatest literary inspiration: Pride and Prejudice. Austen in general. (Story time) I once dated a guy who dismissed her books out of hand as ‘gossipy’, and then literally days later proceeded to tell me that when drinking with his bestie, they loved to ‘analyse other people’s personalities.’ What he thought he had that Austen didn’t, I don’t know. (God, the sexism. And yes, I did tell him that what he was doing was in fact also gossiping).

Austen sketches people in all their ignorance and kindness and flaws and virtues at once, whilst being deeply funny about it. I love her work.

Things in my current fandom I want to read but I don't want to write:

I LOVE omeluum x blurg. No desire to write for them but they’re great. (Check out weatheredlaw on AO3 for amazing Omelurg!)

Generally I’ve read and enjoyed for all of the tadpole gang and all sorts of other characters, but aside from having them feature in my Rolan fics the urge doesn’t strike me to write about them. My thoughts are extremely occupied with just the one guy.

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me: Unhinged kink fics. If I ever write them, I’ll probably post on an alt account, because I think my current subscribers probably aren’t looking for [redacted niche kink] lol

You can recognise my writing by:

Relentlessly horny vibes. Bratty Rolan.

I honestly don’t know if I’ve got a particularly recognisable style - it varies a lot between the fandoms I write in, I think. I’m not given to lots of purple prose but neither is my writing spare. I overdo it on facial expressions, that’s for sure!

My most controversial take ( current fandom):

In an absolute shocker, I don’t enjoy dom!Rolan at all, or see it as particularly in-character. But you could guess that already if you’re following me lol. I filter all related tags/content liberally…

Current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut): It was a 9-10, and has been for months - but this week I’ve been smacked in the face with a real stumbling block so I’ll give it a (hopefully temporary) 6-7

Top three favourite tropes: Oooh. Ahhhh. Forced Proximity - only one bed, handcuffed together, trapped in a lift - whatever. Just make those people boil over with desire because they CANNOT AVOID the person they’re desperately trying to. Arguing. I love steamy argumentative kissing in stories. Forbidden Love. I am ESPECIALLY a huge fan of priests/nuns/religiously celibate breaking their vows, but doctor/patient is good too (Harvey SDV my beloved), or university professor/student, or sworn members of separate factions. Whatever. I want that sexual tension to be so fucking scorching it breaks through every barrier, and their love to conquer all.

Share a random frustration: Chapter 10 of Planar Tears. It’s coming along now but - I don’t like falling behind schedule! It’s also once again illustrated to me that although outlining is useful, at some points my characters will just develop a mind of their own. I just realised that after the last two extremely dramatic plot chapters - there needs to be a similarly dramatic step in Rolan and Catrin’s relationship as payoff. I think that’s the issue, anyway. I’d written a load of relatively lowkey flirty fluff and it just. Wasn’t. Hitting. I have honestly entered the stage of ‘please fucking kill me I no longer know if this writing is good’ and think I just have to weather the storm here!

[hardwaresysx0]

im going to go on an autism ramble i am WOMBO COMBOING two fixations. JAY FOREMAN. he makes this really neat guitar music with really creative lyrics and shit right. well i kinda made this weirdly specific connection. and he reminds me of sniper from tf2 lowkey. and now i'm just thinking sniper would be kicking ass at like a campfire or something, yknow when people play the guitar around the campfire right. yeah that but anyway what im getting at is. the one issue with this headcanon is that jay foreman is british (or at least i assume he is considering Something Oddly Specific) and sniper is australian so it would be weird to headcanon his voice as jay foreman, plus its not THAT fitting i guess. BUT BUT BUT BUT. i read this fanficton right. it talked about how he never really ended up liking women. gay people ANYWAY uh. hm so theres this one song called "slightly imperfect girl" by mr foreman that could possibly be him before realizing that, its about "if like me, you've been single for a long time, and you're looking for the right person, eventually your standards drop" it's quite a funny song actually you can listen to it here but then later he realized Wait a damn second! IM A GAY ASS you know? also i really think he would play guitar he just REEKS guitar to me. ive also seen people headcanon him as playing saxophone though which could also be fitting but now im just thinking about how in this fanfic ive been brainrotting over GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA you know? you know. you do not know. hold on let me open the fanfic and get a screenshot. THE FANFIC IS RUNNING BLIND BY THETRIGGEREDHAPPY BTW. its not fully done yet but ive already reread 5 of the chapters because of how good it is. heres a link to it if you want anyway i just opened it and found this funny screenshot instead of the thing that i was looking for so you're looking at that now. wait nvm its not that funny without context it just looks like some guy getting over the head with a wooden stick. anyway let me find what i was actually looking for HERE IT IS

im going to kms i just deleted like half of my rambles im gonna cry. im gonna kill something im gonna bite you. im gonna bite the reader. but its okay actually because i got really really off track. im kinda tired of typing actually. maybe ill do more later but my brain is too tired to come up with anything more than this NO WAIT I LIED im going to talk about jay foreman now POTATO. potato song. thats one of the ones where once you listen to it after a while it isnt really that funny but its hilarious the first time you hear it. heres the potato song (animated for your viewing pleasure).... it would be more than strange, it would be horrible!/lyr i never thought a song about a potato prime minister would be so entertaining but here we are. AND THERE'S THIS ONE SONG BY JAY FOREMAN. WHERE HE DOES THIS FUCKING AMAZING MOUTH TRUMPET IM STILL SO SURPRISED HOW DID HE DO THAT?! YOU KNOW??? heres that one the lyrics are also really good honestly its soooo clever. one of my favorites of his. if i could do that mouth trumpet i would pull so many bitches..................... but what im getting at is that sniper would probably sing at least SOME of these. sometimes. as a treat. but he doesnt like singing that much so you gotta ask him really nicely and even then he'll be all like SIGHHHHHH or whatever, yeah

the original post where i thought about this i said that the song that he would most likely know is pretend you're happy by jay foreman(obviously its by jay foreman/t) and the reason why is BECAUSE OF THE FANFIC I READ OKAY. it goes into depth kinda about a surprisingly amount of mental illness. but it reminded me of him because of how my view has changed on the character after reading running blind like im putting it in my mouth. i am putting it in my mouth you dont understnad im going cray cray bonkers over this fanfic. i think im gonna look at more potential fanfics from thetriggeredhappy because OOOH MY GOD its not just the characters and story i find interesting its the WRITING like its . THERES A LOT!!! THERES LIKE AT LEAST 35 CHAPTERS IN TOTAL. NO THERES TOTALLY WAY MORE THAN THAT IN TOTAL. with all of the fanfics smooshed together though. not just one. all of them. theres like 4 but one of them is about spy which im not too interested in but its still interesting. why are all of the tf2 fanfics i read so GOOD RIPS MY HAIR OUT AND SCREAMS. theres this one texas toast (idk if its actually a ship but its about the two of them) fanfic i read that im still frothing over i need to reread it because the story is SO FUCKING GOOD and the headcanons are SO FUCKING GOOD AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH let me look for it and see if i can link it. its this and it is SO GOOD i hope it gets updated again because i am like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH about it i am so AHHHHHHHHHHH about these tf2 fanfics it is free brainrot content and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

here is an image of sniper. oh yeah ive actually started sorta maining sniper recently let me get my hours on the game really quick...

i started maining pyro and then i kinda went "hey sniper is loads a fun in casual" so i started playing sniper a lot and now im kinda just vibing with it. medic too but thats because i just. enjoy being a support class?? idk. anyway. a lot of my time is on mvm and i dont know if you can check how long youve played on mvm or not ill look eventually but i dont feel like it right now. anyway im going to stop typing before my fingers start hurting and before my brain runs out of things to ramble about. goodbye

[ashlingiswriting]

the nations favorite writer - offer us any advice? going through a writers block rn

oh god i’m so sorry this took me so long, things got crazy for a second and i forgot 😭 thoughts below!

here (1, 2) are a couple posts that seem pretty helpful, but now i’m just gonna talk about what helped me with my last bout of writer’s block because i can still remember it in detail

again this is all just my own observations about myself because that’s kinda all i have—i’m no expert

i had too many other things going on and i did need to cut down on other hobbies a bit (in this case, i had to cut down on rp) because those other things all were...relatively small tasks and they took less time, so my brain would often go “hey what about this short and rewarding task vs this long and intimidating task?”

which goes hand in hand with training your focus—i think my phone really does impact that in a bad way. reading books helps with training focus, as does muscling through. i know muscling through goes contrary to a lot of advice, but it helped me. because a lot of times, i would start writing a scene and go, ��wow, i hate this!’ but knowing that i didn’t have another idea of what to do, i just kept going until i realized why it felt wrong. and there were like...four or five different breakthroughs like that when i was writing my latest chapter. just ‘OHHHHHHHHH’ moments that i got to only after writing like a thousand or more words that i would not end up putting in the fic. it is NOT always like this but if you’re really blocked, sometimes it’s just cause you’re writing a genuinely emotionally complicated and crucial bit and your brain has to go down the wrong path a few times before it figures out the right one

part of that is figuring out what you feel about your current scene? like, sitting down and writing a certain scene, i would go, ‘no, this feels wrong, i don’t like it, i hate it’ and sure enough my instincts were right. it WAS bad. it was bad because it focused too much on the logistics and details of a side plot when i didn’t want to waste all that precious real estate and audience attention on something that was not connected to the core of my story. but i didn’t fully realize that till i was done. it was still good that i’d written out the long version, because it laid out all the information i needed (plus a bunch i didn’t, but still). idk. i love editing more than writing on a blank page. i love cutting more than i love creating. this may be a me thing.

could also be something went wrong earlier on, like your actual scene idea is quite good but you didn’t lay enough emotional or plot foundation for it to hit as hard as you want it to? reread your previous bits of fic and see if you can find the problem there?

i think peer pressure and/or friendship are huge for this—i don’t mean peer pressure as in ‘silly anti-drug advertisements where all the cool kids try to make you do weed’ i mean ‘hanging out in a community of writers & artists and/or with friends where there’s an atmosphere of people lowkey always working on their craft, whatever that may be’. because truly i think it helps keep writing top of mind & sort of normalizes the emotional struggles. plus the camaraderie is really nice! 

my current home of choice is the narcos fandom discord (which is only about 25% about narcos fandom at this point lbr) but i know there’s a ton of different places out there to be a fic writer in community with other fic writers, so take your pick. i will say that not every community is perfect and i think the ideal community strikes a balance between participation & low stress—that is, people support each other but they don’t feel like they have homework-reading they have to do that they’ll get penalized for not doing? yk? i’m rambling whoops

plus, getting a friend that is willing and HAPPY to talk through the fic with you—an editor, a beta reader, something like that—is a godsend. truly without bellinitini/narcolini i would literally not have even published chapter one of my current longfic. but the key is to find someone who genuinely is interested or who is willing to do a bit of a swap; you help them with theirs, they help you with yours.

and then there’s the audience for longfics, which may or may not apply to you. cannot lie, rereading comments, even for previous fics that are unconnected, is extremely motivating! maybe that’s just me! (i don’t think that’s just me) on that note, if you’re feeling real desperate you can always reblog ask games about your WIPs so that you can interact with your audience a bit?

you could always try to take in more art—that’s usually pretty refreshing for me. canon review is great, but taking in other stuff (fictional books especially) can make your brain start thinking in different ways, especially if your brain is a bit spongy like mine and tends to absorb little bits of other writer’s styles if you chug a lot of them. you could try to find books that deal with the same setting, the same themes, or the same relationship dynamics.

so for example, i read colorless tsukuru tazaki and his years of pilgrimage by haruki murakami in prepping for my next chapter of richiefic because richie references it in season 2. and genuinely, reading it made me understand his character a bit better. but i also have a character going to prison, so i have read some of the works of george pelecanos (the novel drama city and several short stories), because pelecanos deals with the justice system in a way that i think is admirably clearsighted, not melodramatic, very honest. i’m fixing to reread some of the parade’s end series because ford madox ford is, to me, one of the greatest of all time when it comes to complicated conversations where two characters are completely legible to the audience—completely understandable—while struggling through emotionally complicated conversations with each other. and i am about to try and get some more books set in women’s prisons + books set in modern day chicago. reading stuff with the context of “i’m about to write something related to this” is such a good way to read stuff, too. just feels really good and sometimes you need a positive feeling when you’re struggling through the depths of depair i mean writer’s block.

movies and tv are good too, though imo they’re not as helpful. i...personally avoid reading other people’s fanfic like the plague if they’re dealing with a specific pairing whose longfic i’m struggling to finish.

just putting it down and coming back in two-three weeks sometimes helps. couldn’t tell you why.

and finally. you could always drop the fic. it feels shitty for a while, but if the muse has genuinely left you for good, you deserve to enjoy the freedom instead of just like...struggling onwards indefinitely. this has happened to me with longfics before and it always makes me sad. but sometimes there is genuinely nothing you can do, and in those cases, forgive yourself <3 this is a hobby, after all

my top three recommended tactics, without knowing details of your situation, are: talk with a friend/editor, take in more art, muscle through. in that order.

i hope that helped??? i’m very sorry about your writer’s block, it’s the worst thing in the world. and i’m sorry that it took me so long, i need to be more organized

[dragoncookies]

(PT 2) STELLARLUNE ANALYZATION: Chapters 3-5

(foreword) This is a series where I go through each chapter of Stellarlune and dissect it for y’all. I bring up things you might have missed, the importance of what is said and what happens in each chapter, how it might relate to the book as a whole or how it might relate to the series as a whole. This book might seem boring and useless, but when you look at it, it’s really just a book that steps back and reflects on the whole series. It’s like the series is taking a refreshing deep breath and putting everything from the past together, so it can go and deliver a WILDLY  wonderful ending. All I can say is that the book gets way sweeter on the second read, and it might be too early to say, but my guess is that it’ll age finer than wine.

(excuse my grammar/spelling mistakes)

Chapters 3-5:

I’ll be honest, these chapters were a little sluggish, but at the same time...it was interesting to read about Gisela and Cassius lore. I’ll say why later in this post, but It was dark and creepy and tense; well written. There’s also a bunch of notable tid-bits in these scenes from Cassius’s memory and just what he has to say. He’s not a useless character or a 2d character, that’s for sure. Lets dive in, shall we?

SUMMARIES:

(because I forget too)

Ch 3 summary: Sophie shows up at Cassius’s house and they banter for a bit after Sophie tells him that Keefe ran away. Sophie originally went there to get Cassius’s pathfinder so she could look for Keefe in the Forbidden cities, but Cassius tells her he’s working on another assignment from the Black Swan that has to do with the trollish treaty and such after what happened at Everglen (in flashback). He also has a memory he recovered that Lady Gisela tried to wipe from his mind, so Sophie agreed to watch it. 

Ch 4 summary: Sophie and Cassius watching the memory

Ch 5 summary: Sophie and Cassius banter about the following→ Cassius’s parenting, whether or not Sophie should keep looking for Keefe (she shouldn’t) or if letting Gisela finish the final step of Stellarlune on Keefe is a good idea.

Ch 3:

Sophie REALLY hates Cassius. Like, the Cassius slander is HEAVY throughout this chapter. She just gotta quip at his behavior for every reason. 

One thing that is made strikingly clear by Sophie’s conversations with Cassius is how emotionally driven she is, especially when compared to Cassius’s almost purely objective approach to things. They’re almost foils of each other, in this sense.

Also, the dialogue in the first few pages of this chapter is lowkey entertaining, even from Ro. 

“’If Keefe had come home with me-’

‘he would’ve run off even faster,’ Ro finished for him. ‘Probably would’ve left a Keefe shaped hole in one of these walls.’” (page 36). 

Haha funny for no reason. Anyways.

Ro is REALLY given an actual purpose (as are a shocking majority of the characters) as I continue to reread through stellarlune. As much as I cannot stand how nosy and obnoxious Ro can be, her background has a whole chunk of the dialogue in this chapter. I will have far more to say on Ro’s character when we get to the part where she actually leaves later on so stay tuned for that.

Now, with Lord Cassius here, we have been shown an important revelation on the current state of political affairs in the Lost Cities, and a reminder that the Black Swan is a little bigger than we thought. It makes me curious as to what other things go on behind the scenes in the Black Swan. 

Also: Sophie said she really does hate secrets. Why did sophie say she hates secrets when her wanting privacy is literally the whole point of conflict between her and Fitz for the entire previous book and the rest of Stellarlune???? Smh.

The troll treaty negotiations are stalled at the moment!!!! Empress Pernille has closed the borders and doesn’t want the elves messing with them atm, basically. This means there MIGHT be more mutant trolls. Wild. The trolls want to be isolated from everyone…which is kind of what the neverseen wants if we’re being honest…scary. 

One question: Why does the black swan want to protect the councilors from being overthrown if there’s so much emphasis on how the councilors are flawed? What is the point? 

CH4:

This is where I notice things really start to get interesting in this book. 

I love when Shannon describes telepathy. Like all the “swooping and spinning” and “sinking into warmth” and describing the mind like a room makes me imagine Sophie and everyone else as little glowing people in the mind, navigating the endless maze. She describes it so vividly, its so fun to imagine being Sophie when she gets blasted by wind or goes on a rollercoaster-esc loop, or goes somewhere small and quiet, or just somewhere blue. Like that is so cool, who goes ahead describes a mind like that? And every mind in the series is different too. It's just so cool. Anyways. Back to Gisela and Cassius lore. 

This chapter really makes you think about Cassius’s and Gisela’s relationship. Its important to understand, since Gisela is like a main villain giving her character depth (like what her relationship with Cassius was exactly like) makes her feel like a REAL person, more like us. Which makes her scarier. 

This scene is where Gisela throws away her act of just wanting Keefe to be strong to make her and Cassius look good. 

Man, from the first read, it really seems like Shannon is trying to redeem Cassius with this memory. “gosh Shannon, please don’t redeem Cassius…please stop trying to redeem him”, but it’s less “poor Cassius” and more we just get to understand Cassius, because what I get out of this is that Cassius really loved Gisela, and Gisela was just using him to have a strong baby (which is sort of like the entire flaw of matchmaking…hmmm…). Like when Gisela starts explaining all these wack things she’s doing, he’s just completely shocked. Like she really flat out told him that his role was done, and he’d already provided his DNA so she didn’t need him anymore. No wonder Cassius said the memory was personal, I would be HEARTBROKEN. He’s not the best, but maybe there’s a reason he’s so cold…

If you hadn’t before, you REALLY start to see how creepy Gisela is, too. At the end of this chapter, Gisela just drugs him, and as his world slowly fades to black she whispers “don't fight it, it’ll all be over soon enough” (paraphrasing page 57). Damn she's creepy. Just, her carelessly messing with Cassius’s heart for her own gain, and doing painful horrible things to herself, to Cassius and to their relationship...she’s so sick omg. She really built Cassius the whole illusion of a happy marriage. What if Cassius was actually a happy surfer guy before Gisela? Maybe thats why his getaway is on the beach. Who knows? Maybe Gisela ruined an avid beach-boys listener and a regular cowabunger. Its all so messed up, but the theme of the importance of family is strengthened through all of this. 

What I start to wonder as I read through this chapter is…why? Why does Gisela want Keefe to be super powerful? WHY does she want to rule the world? 

She mentions she wants to harness all the elements because she believes it will make her ultra-powerful, but for WHAT? 

Gisela talking about the elements also reminds me how elemental elves are. They really are such nature-y beings. Little hippies. Talking to plants. Never killing animals. Using scrolls. No technology and A LOT of living with nature’s cycles. They see so much power in elements that Gisela is convinced she can be all-powerful if she uses all them. I ought to start seeing the elven world in a more woodsy aesthetic lmao. Alas, Shannon’s world-building never ends. 

The most important thing we learn in this chapter is that Keefe needs to go through one last step to really finish his transformation of his abilities. Yay!

Ch5:

Cassius’s mind was really messy after the memory, so he definitely did love her and he’s definitely messed up by that. Even Shannon’s most hateable characters get backstory and understanding, so you don't have to like what they did but it makes the story she’s telling so enriching. 

This chapter highlights how stubborn or blindsighted by emotions Sophie can be, but at least she can be persuaded. She neglects that Cassius has an OBJECTIVE approach and thinks he has a COLD HEARTED approach, and struggles to wrap her brain around the concept that Cassius could actually, in fact, be right in his suggestion that Keefe needs to finish the process of his new abilities to function properly. The fact that she sees “cold hearted” and “objective” as synonymous proves that she’s just a very emotionally driven person, which is important to understand, considering the entire series is from her point of view and if we really want to understand the story we have to understand how Sophie might tell the story. 

Also, Sophie JUST NOW realizes how she probably should have read through the archetype before she burned it. Nice one girly. I’m sorry I bag on her so much during these first few chapters, it gets better later I promise.  AND WHAT WAS THIS SHANNON:

“Lord Cassius couldn’t be right...

...

...

...could he?” (page 62). 

TAKE AWAY HER ENTER BUTTON. Made me chortle a little but like Shannon what. 

Not much else to say about this chapter. The last page was a masterpiece, though. 

“Let him take care of himself, he’s been doing it his whole life” (page 66). 

I’m not all about the endless Keefe sob story we get throughout the series, but the way it's told on page 66 is quite sad and impactful. Like oof, the self-actualization from Cassius and the cold hard truth…ouch Shannon. That hurt. Chefs kiss to the writing but yeowch. 

Overall, these few chapters are pretty satisfying because both Cassius and Sophie change a little. Cassius starts off presented as his usual hateable self, but by the end of these chapters you feel a little heavier, a little older and a little colder because of him. He just gets deeper as a character. Sophie changes her mind about finding Keefe and actually listens to Cassius’s reasoning, which is important because it changes the trajectory of this section of the book. It would have been ooc for her to just not care or decide on her own not to find Keefe because she cares about Keefe ALOT (a lil too much sometimes I’ll be honest), but it did take 5 chapters to get to this point. She also could have gone on a mission to look for Keefe, but thank goodness she decided not to, for the sake of the plot and the other characters. Victory!

She really does talk to herself a lot. 

Anyways, stay tuned for more!

[mytragedyperson]

Honestly kind of excited about stranger things season 5. I saw a post that said they were going back to S1 groups in S5, which is probably just kids, teens, adults, or I guess teens, young adults, older adults. I'm kind of lowkey excited to see how the other characters react to Argyle, if he's there which I'm pretty sure he will be.

I'm pretty sure Steve and El are going to die this season, Steve because they've wanted to kill him since S1 and El because Millie wants to die or wants more deaths in the show but also I feel like the Duffer brothers would definitely do something that ends the show as it began. We see a scene of the kids, now teenagers playing D&d before the show ends as it began, with will saying goodbye to Mike before going home, only now they're boyfriends. The show arguably began with the party and particularly will and Mike. It would be kind of beautiful if the show ended with them too.

Speaking of Will, kinda want a scene where he and Robin talk. Maybe Robin realises his feelings for Mike and talks to him about it. Robin adopts will and takes him under her wing.

Also I feel like, if Steve died that would be the thing that encourages the characters, all of them to fight back harder. Robin losing her best friend, the kids losing their older brother figure, all of them losing someone who's always been there, always been reliable, always put himself between them and danger, and if he dies tyring to protect one of them, maybe protecting Jonathan, that would not only encourage them to fight back, but also be a beautiful end to his character. And stancy don't get back together because that wouldn't really make sense for either of their characters or arcs. Also extra shootout to Dustin finding out he's dead or seeing him die and having a "not you, I already lost Eddie, I can't lose you too" moment.

Dustin doesn't die. I'm sorry if Dustin dies that will be too much for me personally.

I've seen people saying Mike might get vecna'd, makes a lot of sense. If baler is endgame, kinda want a scene where Mike is getting vecnad and El is trying to help him, it's not working, will tries and Mike manages to fight it and has a Max escaping Vecna moment. This would be pretty good evidence that it truly is requited and would show what the endgame is.

Will plays a big role in helping kill Vecna, maybe we find out why he was allowed to live. I know Vecna may have wanted a spy but why Will? When he was taken El wasn't known yet. When Vecna took Barb he killed her pretty soon after. Will survived, was allowed to live and later escape. He was used as a spy but after that the ficus shifted to El, stopping her. Either way El and Vecna probably will fight again and either El will kill him but destroy herself in the process by using her powers to much, or she'll lose and be killed.

Jancy will discuss their problems. Haven't decided if I think they'll break up or not but I do think they'll be endgame so even if they do break up canonically I'd imagine they'd get back together in the future.

Also possibly Mike and Will getting Murrayed in some way or Mike and el depending on which is endgame, preferably byler, because if they're not endgame it makes very little sense for him to be in live with Mike for 4 seasons

Also a scene where Mike either talks to El about the painting she apparently commissioned and El is like "I didn't commission a painting" or Mike rereads El's letters and realises the painting is the one El thought was for a girl Will liked. This could leads to Will and Mike having an argument about Will lying about the painting and Will blurting out that he likes Mike. However if this did happen, I think I'd be happier if Will was the one getting vecnaed and Mike trying to save him. Mike has another monologue but there's a clear difference between this monologue and the El monologue in that it seems more genuine and personal to their relationship, he references their meeting mentioned in S2, their fight in S3, how will showing him his painting in S4 gave him courage, how losing him in S1 felt like his world got ripped out from under him, maybe he mentions the jumping off the cliff to save Dustin scene in S1 in some way, maybe he apologises for forgetting his birthday, or maybe he didn't forget, maybe he had a present for him but never gave it to him because he was too busy arguing with him. Maybe he reminds him they're supposed to go crazy together, that it's up to them like always. Basically a big monologue mentioning events from last seasons and ends with Mike admitting he loves him too, he was just scared to admit it. Before this event him and El broke up because of the problems in their relationship that were never truly addressed or understood. And Mike saves will.

OK sorry it appears my predictions for S5 turned into a mini fanfiction so let's try and bring it back.

Idk what will happen with max but el will try to save her and, if she succeeds, lumax will be endgame.

Joyce or Hopper could die but I really hope they don't.

I feel like Robin could die but they wouldn't have much reason to kill her so probably won't, thankfully.

If el doesn't die and mileven is endgame, somehow, I feel like will could die, but this feels like it would be a less satisfying ending to me personally.

Obviously these are all just my opinions on what I think will happen. I could be wrong, they could just kill Mike or Nancy or Jonathan. Or they could decide to have Nancy and Robin get together. But these feel less likely and wouldn't make as much sense to me as the rest of what I've said

I hope we'll see more rockie but if we do it will probably be short scenes between all the action.