Tumgik
#lunna this is for you to make you feel better!
xluxsolarisx · 10 months
Note
your stardew passion invigorates me:> i mean, everyone else i know who's played it before also thinks it great, and that last ask along with some recent changes in personal circumstance have me feeling like it's finally something i should pick up ^^ would you recommend playing through the game vanilla first or are some mods just worth it?
the love i hold for stardew valley...it fills you with determination....
anyway yay!!! i think it's great you want to get into the game, and i'd love to help you :3 as for whether or not you should play vanilla first or modded, well some mods have stuff that only happens in the first year or the story kinda depends on it having always been there, so it can be a bit immersion breaking to have like. an entire ass town spawn out of the blue a year in. but on the other hand, some mods alter the vanilla game itself and change the story, but they're not really invasive changes and i'd argue it actually makes it better so i guess i'd reccomend playing modded straight up. if you want to experience the vanilla story you can make a different save state and remove the mods when you're playing that save state and you can pretend it's an alternate universe kinda. that's what i do :p
oh yeah!! before you install mods, you're gonna need to install smapi you can't use mods without it. here's a text guide on how to install it, and here's a video guide in case you would prefer a video demonstration. a good place to get mods is nexusmods! they update pretty frequently and have some cool stuff c:
and you know what? i'm gonna give you some personal mod recommendations. stardew valley expanded, ridgeside village, east scarp, and lunna astray are all what i like to call dlc mods. they add story, new characters, new mechanics, food, clothes, all that good stuff! and they're all pretty compatible with each other, so there won't be any weird glitches. other mods, like juna, always raining in the valley, zuzu city, adventurer's guild expanded and mister ginger are a bit smaller, but still fit in that category as well.
there are also mods that improve the technical aspect of the game, like raffadax complete production. it adds a massive amount of weapons, food, and crops, but no real storyline or marriage candidates. there are also cosmetic mods that change how the characters look, like diverse stardew valley and seasonal outfits-slightly cuter aesthetic, and clothing mods for the player character, like get glam, so it really depends on what you'd prefer! you can use some mods, one specific type of mods, or all the mods! the modding community is so diverse and you're bound to find something you'll like eventually. have fun mucky!!!
2 notes · View notes
beyond-far-horizons · 6 years
Text
How I Met Your Father...Part 1
Trained by a divine sect determined to save humanity from the curse of demons, Eva is on a mission to stop the Perfect Amulet from being used to reopen the gates of Hell. But after a fateful encounter with the Legendary Dark Knight himself, she may come to learn that not all demons are evil and some humans cannot be trusted….
My headcanon on how Eva met Sparda. Please forgive any liberties, I have a fertile imagination and am not familiar with every aspect of the games. I also recommend listening to Hans Zimmer’s soundtrack to Angels and Demons whilst reading to give atmosphere.
A woman in black balanced on the ceiling, senses primed for danger. The chandelier nearest to her was dim, casting deep shadows across the stucco work. She wove them around her, pressing herself deeper into the corner. Two guards passed below and she held her breath, preparing to drop to the ground and attack, but after one excruciating minute they passed, not looking up. Unfortunately they weren’t the real trouble. Wards like spider’s work threaded through the entire mansion, it was taking every magical ability she had not to trip them.
She flipped down, landing on the red carpet, soft shoes making the barest sound before pressing herself against the wall.
The guards were gone, all that remained were portraits in their gold frames staring murder at her. She ignored their eyes as she crept forward, Cloak of Unknowing wrapped tightly around her.
Sofia was right. Eva smiled as the ethereal notes of a soprano echoed up from the levels below. Today was the perfect opportunity.
Left. Right. Nothing at the next junction. She darted around the next corner and sped silently down the corridor, her mind still tracing the movements of the guards who had turned down the adjacent passage.
If Carlo’s information is correct….Yes, there was the next pair coming down the East stairwell complaining they were missing the performance.
She slid behind a suit of armour, its polished height enough to shield her even if they did glance this way.
The chandeliers were brighter here, augmented by long Venetian mirrors. For a moment she caught a glimpse of herself - a slim black-clad figure, long blonde hair braided and pinned, drifting in and out of sight. A smile curled full lips. The Cloak of Unknowing was powerful but she couldn’t rely on it entirely.
Male voices drifted down the stairwell and she slipped from behind the armour. Pausing for the merest instance to calculate distance, she passed down it like a shadow herself in the wake of the guards.
I have to keep close to give myself the greatest window of time…
Stopping at the archway to the next level she assessed her latest challenge. Loftier than the corridor above, the one before her was also more austere. Carven warriors and grim gargoyles lined the passageway and glared down onto the stone flagging. The crystal chandeliers had been replaced by candelabra with tongues of flame.
And you called yourselves the last defence against the Night…She thought acidly as she looked at the bestial faces.
The Order had been founded to guard the Perfect Amulet, passing it in secrecy from member to member, country to country for almost two thousand years. Yet looking at this and the malevolent wards laced throughout the building, it was clear the rot had set in longer than even Father Gabriele had imagined. But whether Lord Rosvenir who currently led them was a demon himself or just a tool didn’t matter. Sofia’s spies had assured her his reputation as an extravagant host would make sure he was at the exclusive recital below.
The notes of the aria welled up, amplified by the stairwell. A shame, the girl had the purest voice. Eva hoped not everyone was corrupted by Rosvenir’s taint.
She smirked. But today, Lord Rosvenir, playing the man of wealth and distinction is going to be your downfall.
She had to act quickly. They might never get another chance. At least the guards with their red jackets and shining breast plates were easy to spot, even in the gloom. Up ahead was the entrance to the vault where her prize lay, but she would bet all she owned the eyes of those statues were more than just stone. The guards were saluting their compatriots at the vault door, halberds clanking to attention as they performed the change-over. She closed her eyes, focusing on the magic within, weaving it with deft grace around her until the Cloak of Unknowing meshed her from head to toe, but with enough subtlety it wouldn’t set off the wards. She could only keep it up for so long.
God be with me.
The old guards, now relieved, had turned, marching into the darkness at the end of the passageway. Eva crossed the threshold, placing a foot on the floor of the corridor and checked the nearest statue’s baleful gaze.
Nothing. It had worked.
She raced down the corridor, faster than the wind. The guards she had been following looked up, sensing nothing but a shift in air when a roundhouse kick snapped against the skull of the first, knocking him unconscious. A second took out his brother before he could even cry out, the Cloak of Unknowing whipping around them to silence the clatter of their falling halberds and bodies.
Eva had no time to hide them, the drain of the spell was eating into her veins and the pressure of deceiving the wards was already mounting into a migraine at the back of her head. She looked up at the vast wooden doors in front of her, decorated in fanciful shapes and twisting with wrought iron. Inside magic sang to her as sweet as the soprano below. Her gloved hand traced the ornate golden lock. Once she opened this it would only be a matter of time before the Order appeared. She took out a glowing orb from a small leather pouch and placed it against the keyhole. It melted, shivering into the metal in concentric ripples. The iron tracery wriggled like the vines it resembled and Eva braced herself for some sort of counterstroke, but the doors opened with barely a sound.
Inside a wide chamber beckoned, roof strutted with a ribcage of beautifully carved wood. Stars picked out in gold after the Moorish style winked at her as she quickly stepped inside and closed the huge doors behind her. Sunlight poured from diamond-paned windows at the far end of the room, revealing the treasures within. Tomes, wands and swords, all resonating with power, stood on stands and plinths at regular intervals around the perimeter, each illuminated by a metal sconce. But it was the ancient tapestries to either side of Eva that caught her eye. In the first a dark figure, horned and winged, faced the infernal hoards alone. In the second he pushed them back, a mighty sword hewing snarling faces as fire spun around him. On the her right the story continued, the same warrior locked in combat with a monstrosity of eyes and hands that sought to rip him limb from insect limb. In the last scene the demon and its multitudes lay in pieces beneath the warrior’s cloven feet as he held his sword aloft and light blazed upon him.
So they still pay lip-service to the legend of Sparda. She thought as she looked at the images. How can they see all this and still plan to reverse what he did?
She had always loved the story - a devil struck by justice, the slayer of his own kind, but perhaps Father Gabriele was right and Sparda was just another fabrication. After all, what demon could truly forsake the darkness? How could love move the heart of the heartless?
The final tapestry ahead of her seemed to belie that thought. Framed by the windows it showed Spada still wreathed in power, but his face was sad, wings drooping as he placed his sword against the breast of a priestess in white, their hands joined around the gold and ruby of the Perfect Amulet, blood dripping between their fingers.
And below them the item itself.
Eva grinned and ran towards the object of her desire. It was locked within a crystal display case, cushioned on red velvet, and hardly needed the light of the windows as it seemed to glow from within.
Just as Father Gabriele described. She thought. A double pendant made of rubies, one in gold, the other silver. Light and Darkness, joining the two worlds together…
Chills ran up her spine. She couldn’t hear the performance through the thickness of the walls. Had Rosvenir felt her breaking the door’s seal? Or the gargoyles seen her passage through the corridor?
She raised her hands to the crystal case and with Second Sight saw the magical weaving that protected it.
A shame you couldn’t protect the people from yourself, Rosvenir. Eva thought and channelled the sentiment into her weaving. She drew the opposing pattern in the air with luminous blue lines. It flared and both spells cancelled each other out. Eva sagged, her energy further depleted. She dropped the Cloak of Unknowing, husbanding her magical reserves for escape and blew on the crystal causing it to shiver into dust.
The Amulet shone as if recognising her, light sliding off its strange faceted surface. She sucked in a breath and with shaking reverence picked the pendant up and secured it in the inner pocket of her tunic. Even through her gloves she could feel the spark as she touched it.
“I commend your taste,” a deep voice said from behind her, “but I’m afraid I can’t let you leave with that.”
Eva leapt. The doors hadn’t opened, she would have heard it! She looked behind her to see a tall handsome man with silver hair standing in front of them. A fine purple coat stretched over powerful shoulders and a monocle twinkled from his left eye. From his expression he seemed amused.
“Lord Rosvenir, I presume?” She said, returning the attitude.
Her hands slid slowly towards the pistols at her hips. His grey eyes followed the movement and she stopped.
“Indeed.” He looked her over as she did him. “It saddens me not to avail a beautiful woman of equally beautiful jewellery, but that amulet, as I’m sure you are aware, is somewhat special.”
“That’s a shame.” She said with a smile. If he wanted to flirt so could she. “You have such an unusual collection…” She gave the room a cursory glance as she sidled over to a nearby claymore. “I couldn’t help but admire it…”
Admire it? This thing was hideous. Its hilt was comprised of a ribcage topped with a demon skull. Still it might prove useful…
“Well my lady, if you wanted to admire my collection you could have done me the courtesy of a request. I am missing a rather special performance because of this.”
“My sincerest apologies, Lord Rosvenir.” Eva said as she caressed the edge of the sword.
“If you are planning to duel me,” his voice was definitely amused now, “I’d choose that sword over there.” He nodded to an elegant blade on the other side of the Perfect Amulet’s empty plinth. “Yamato is longer than the average katana but it’s better balanced for a woman.”
“Duel you?” Eva quipped as she turned her back on him. “Why would I want to do that?”
In a lightning quick motion she grasped the claymore and turned, hurling it with magically imbued force at Lord Rosvenir. He gaped as the sword sank through his chest and impaled him high on the carved doors behind.
She watched with satisfaction as the blood dripped down the damask silk and ruined the brocade jacket beneath.
“That was for humanity, you smug bastard.” She said and strode towards the windows.
Throaty chuckles froze her in mid step.
Eva turned to see Lord Rosvenir throw back his head and laugh with the blood still gouting from his chest.
“Well, well, I guess I did deserve that.” He said and then sickeningly heaved himself forward until the blade and its oversized hilt cut through him and he fell to the ground still laughing.
Eva swallowed the vomit rising in her throat. “So you are a demon.”
“What gave it away?” He replied, dusting himself off and picking up his monocle which had fallen in her attack. “You however, are something much more interesting.”
She pulled out her guns and fired, lacing him with enough rapid-fire rounds that he was pushed back against the doors again. She edged closer to the windows, squinting through the smoke to see if she had finally put him down.
“I’m curious…” his voice said from within the haze, “if a sword didn’t work, why did you think bullets would?”
“They’re blessed bullets.” She said, reloading and trying to keep the rising panic from her voice. I’ve trained for this. I’ll bring him down, him and all his kind!
“So they are.” Rosvenir said as he emerged from the clearing smoke. “Silver-capped and filled with holy water if I don’t miss my guess?” His smile was pained. “They do pack quite a sting.”
“Who are you?” Eva snapped, holstering her weapons and trying to buy time. If this monster was at the heart of the conspiracy she must take him out, but the Perfect Amulet needed to be gotten to Father Gabriele and La Luce. Without it, these traitors couldn’t enact their scheme.
“Forgive me.” The demon smiled. “I didn’t have a chance to introduce myself properly.” He gave her a courtly bow. “My true name is Sparda.”
“Sparda?” She spluttered, her eyes going automatically to the nearest tapestry. “The…the Legendary Dark Knight?”
“It’s something of a grandiose title, I’ll grant you.” He sighed and stretched out a hand behind him. The claymore that was still riven into the doors leapt to his palm. “But one does tend to collect them over the centuries…”
Eva’s heart plummeted into her stomach.
Is it true? Is it him? What is going on here?
And worse if it was him then how was she meant to face the Dark Knight himself?
“Now I’ve given you my name.” Sparda said as he levelled the sword at her, red energy licking up its edges, “I believe it’s time for you to give me yours, Lady…?”
“I don’t care who you are or what you do to me.” She spat and gathered the last of her magical reserves. “Humanity deserves to be free of your taint!”
She blasted him with raw power, lightning bolts of energy surging through her into a geometric mesh that closed on its target with lethal force. The Heavenly Seal - her last resort. As the barrage faded Eva threw her last prayer to the Divine and smashed through the window, flipping end over end to the distant street below.
Any kind/constructive feedback makes me smile ^^ I’ve made Eva into a bit of a badass here because a) why not b) tired of the saintly mother who just stays at home c) her original creator transformed her into a powerful witch in the Bayonetta-verse. I also enjoyed extrapolating a sort of modern/renaissance world for them. DMC has some interesting influences. Sparda’s POV is next hehe
24 notes · View notes
missdawnandherdusk · 4 years
Text
Lost Boys
Reader X Draco
(Follow up one-shot to Beautifully Beastly) 
Summary: Now that Scorpius is older and in love with his best friend, he’s terrified to tell you and Draco
A/n: So, I recently finished reading the Cursed Child, and oh my lord I love Scorpius more than my own non existent children. And I know that coming out to your parents can be scary and it might not go the way you always wanted it to, but here’s some comfort in that fear. Something to hold onto. 
Tumblr media
It was a late night and Draco was out on another case as I read in bed by lamp light. There was a knock on the door.
“Yes?” I called, seeing Scorpius’ pale face in the night light. “Everything alright sweetheart?” I sat up.
“You’re busy reading, it’s nothing, never mind,” He stammered and went to leave. 
“Scorpius,” I chided, setting my book down. “It’s alright darling,” I patted the bed beside me.
His eyes didn’t leave the floor as he shuffled over to the bed and curled up beside me, hiding his face in my shoulder. Worry began to bloom in my chest. I hadn’t seen Scorpius like this in a while—the last time being when Harry had changed Albus’ school schedule and told his son to avoid mine.
I stroked his hair softly and hummed. I knew Scorpius, he would open up when he felt safe and secure. Even as a teenager, he still had the habit of curling up with me at night when he was afraid. And I was glad that some things never changed.
“Mum?” He peaked up at me after a while and I could see his father reflected in his eyes.
“Yes dear?” I smiled.
“I... I’m bi.” He rushed out, growing very red and looking down, ashamed.
I stared at him a moment, letting it sink in. A smile spread across my face as I drew him close into an embrace.
“And you are loved, and complete,” I rubbed his back softly. Tears stung my eyes as I felt his frame shake with little sobs as he clung to me. “And I will always support you and demolish anyone who doesn’t.”
The tears did slip out as Scorpius continued to cry into my arms. I tugged the blanket up around him and continued to card through his hair. When he started to babble apologizes is when I pulled him away and cupped his face, wiping away his tears.
“You are my son, Scorpius. You are such a bright young wizard with a pure heart that has love to spare. Don’t apologize for that, ever.” I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’m so sorry that you’ve been so scared.”
He sniffled and wiped his eyes.
“Who you are, and how you feel, has, is, and always will be valid my dear,” I smiled and stroked his cheek softly. “And I love you. All of you.”
He nodded and threw his arms around me again, hugging me close.
“I love you, mum,” He whispered softly.
“As I love you,” I smiled, and we settled down under the covers.
Curled up on my chest, Scorpius seemed to calm down and his breathing evened out. My fingers still combed through his hair as I hummed one of his favorite lullabies.
“Mum?” He breathed out; his voice still small. 
“Yes darling?”
“Do... do you think dad will...” He didn’t seem to know how to finish the thought, but I had been thinking the same thing.
“I think your dad might surprise you,” I confessed. “But if you don’t feel safe, I can talk to him. Merlin knows he’s afraid of me,” I chuckled softly.
“You’d... you’d fight dad for me?” Blue eyes met mine.
“It’s not the first time I’ve done it,” A smile played at my lips.
“What do you mean?” Scorpius frowned. “You’ve fought dad over me before?”
“I suppose you were too young to remember... When you were little, and I first began to tutor you, you asked me where all of my lullabies came from. I told you they were muggle and I’d have to talk to dad about letting you know the movies or stories they came from...”
“Dad wasn’t always alright with muggle things?” Scorpius seemed shocked.
“You have to understand he grew up loathing muggles, darling. That your grandfather twisted him into...” I sighed softly and shook my head. “We fought. He didn’t want you to know muggle things... fairytales.” The memory flitted to the forefront of my mind. “I said that I wouldn’t keep secrets from you, so I resigned, but he was going out on a case for a week, so I was going to stay until he got back...”
“But you didn’t quit?” Scorpius frowned.
“No,” I smiled. “The case... your father almost died on that case, because they were using me against him. He went in alone to try and save me—it wasn’t me, don’t worry, just a bit of Polyjuice Potion... when he came back... he said he was sorry for the things he said to me... and that it was alright if I never wanted to speak to him again, but he begged me to stay because you needed me... because he needed me.” I looked at the rings on my hand: an engagement ring and a wedding band. “I was going to stay anyway, no matter what he ordered me to do because I wasn’t going to leave you... I couldn’t leave you.” Blinking out of the memory, I looked down at Scorpius, who looked mystified.
“You and dad... did that for me?” He squeaked. I nodded.
“We love you Scorpius, more than you’ll ever know.” I pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “And though I will love your father until the day I die...” A smile graced my lips. “I loved you first.”
Tears shined in Scorpius’ eyes as he dove back into my arms. The next morning, I woke to Draco pressing a kiss to my forehead. Scorpius was still fast asleep in my arms.
“Bad night?” He whispered softly, not to wake his son. 
“Could say that,” I mused. “But he’s better now I think,” Another pair of blue eyes blinked open.
“Good morning,” I greeted softly, letting Scorpius sit up.
“Dad?” Scorpius rubbed his eyes, looking to Draco who was sitting beside me on the bed. 
“Right here, son,” Draco encouraged with a soft smile.
Scorpius nodded and ran a hand through his hair—a nervous tick he picked up from Draco. He stood, making his way to the door without another word. I called to him before he could leave entirely.
“I love you,” I reminded him.
“Love you too, mum,”
Draco looked to me for answers and I pressed a kiss to his lips softly.
“He’ll tell you when he’s ready,” I rubbed his arm softly. “But he really is okay,”
“I don’t think I will ever understand you two,” Draco rubbed his face and nodded, a soft chuckle escaping his lips.
“I don’t think you’re meant to,” I chuckled, pulling him into my arms.
“And you’re sure he’s not in danger? Harry isn’t trying to make Albus go to Ilvermorny or something is he?” Draco looked up from his lounged position on my lap, drawing a laugh from me.
“No dear, Harry has nothing to do with it,” I affirmed, fanning out Draco’s hair so that it formed a silvery halo around his head, draped onto the comforter.
“Is it about Albus then? Did something happen?” Draco pressed and I laughed, seeing right through his attempt to get to me confess.
“He will tell you when he’s ready, and until he is you will respect him.” I narrowed my eyes playfully.
It took a few days, the weekend, in fact. I could tell that Draco was carefully hiding his curiosity and frustration under a mask I knew well. But, as I tidied the library, replacing books and shifting the order of a few, and sending a few cleaning spells towards the blanket of dust, I paused at the large French windows, seeing my two boys walking along the Manor grounds.
Scorpius had his head hung and I knew exactly what conversation was taking place. I lingered at the window and watched as Draco paused a moment as he gazed at our son and smiled. The tight embrace between the two brought tears to my eyes as I looked away, letting them have their moment.
That night the three of us curled up in the grand master bedroom bed. My fingers carded through Scorpius’ hair as he finally found a peaceful slumber.
“This is familiar,” Draco noted softly. I simply nodded. “Do... do you think we messed up?” He asked softly.
I raised my eyebrows, shocked at the question and ready to go off on him, not caring if Scorpius was there or not. Draco caught my glare and quickly mended his question.
“Because he was so scared to tell us,” He rushed out and I exhaled slowly, looking down at Scorpius.
“We might have...” I confessed. “But we’re going to do everything we can to make up for it,” 
“And how are we going to do that?” Draco chuckled softly.
“Well, I have a feeling that Albus might have something to do with it after all,”
I watched Draco’s eyes widen in realization as a smile spread across my face.
“Of course, it had to be a Potter,” Draco groaned, laying back on the silk pillows.
I laugh escaped my lips and Scorpius shifted in my arms, his eyes not opening as he nestled back down, mumbling incoherently.
Standing by Draco’s side, we waved as Scorpius and Albus headed out on their first date, both blushing and laughing while holding hands.
“He really is perfect for our son, isn’t he?” Draco sighed softly; a smile evident in his tone.
“He is,” I leaned against him.
“Still can’t believe he fell for a Potter,”
“You did,” I grinned, my eyes meeting his. “And just because you couldn’t shag a Potter doesn’t mean our son can’t,”
I burst out laughing at the look on Draco’s face.
.
Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87@artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522  @zombiesnips-blog @jillanaholland@shookyungsoo@savingdraco@welcometomyworldwithoutrules@akari180@slytherin-emerald@chaotic-good-gemini @memalfoy-spidey@theres-a-dog-outside-omg @queenfeatherwings@fanficflaneuse@go-whovian-universe@spicyshenanigans@darling-im-not-okay-i-promise @dietkiwi@katsukink@takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen@mccloudchloe @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena​ @moviesbooksandfandoms​ @howdycharlie @xtrashmouthxtozierx​ @cocochanelthepupper​ @ninacotte @braelynn-j @jiggllyy​ @honeymarvel​ @darcypottah​ @atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289 @boredashaeck@beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde​ @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle @dragonsandbread​ @atomicwonderlandmentality @okaydraco @the–queen-of-hell @langdonzvoid @cmxreader@alienmotel @oh-itsnothing@tulippings @thestressedprincess@sunflowerxsadnessw@caps-wilsonn @fattycooter @angelotakunerd08​ @thisisahugemistake​ @fanficsigottaread @gweaslvy​ @okaydraco​ @strawberriesonsummer @ughjjloveme @honeymarvel @gaysludge @cleopatera @ray-of-sunrise @artist-bby @shadowsingeraxolotl​ @peters-legos​ @quillsareforwriting @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo​ @wollymalfoy​ @lilpieceoftoast @paper-cats @floweryjh @sdicapriox @slothgirl22 @peachesandpinks @monimillion @hufflautia @livize75 @annie-mcl​ @riathearora​ @live-like-luna​ @justathoughtfulangel​
866 notes · View notes
psychedelic-ink · 4 years
Text
A dream of a memory(by lunna-star-8)
There was a girl running through the forest in blue shorts and an aqua t-shirt, black hair to the wind and tight grip on an old pipe as her feet took her expertly over the roots, the rocks and dead branches, almost like the wind carried her to the edge of their forest and into the sea of grey.
That girl was me.
“I win!” I call out as I throw my arms up in the air.
My oldest brother arrives soon after “When… Did you get so damn fast?” Ace breathes out as he rests his hands on his knees.
I shrug as I get my breath back “I’m like a ninja!”
He straightened up and chuckled “I’m just happy that Luffy didn’t think of rocketing his way here, that would’ve been a disaster.”
We both laughed and that was when my twin brother appeared winded out “I… Should’ve… Thought of that…” Luffy fell back as soon as he reached us.
“Oh no you don’t!” Ace argued with him “I’d like to not start the afternoon with my body smashed against the City Walls, thank you very much!”
Luffy sat up with a whine “That was one time!”
“I’m pretty sure our silhouettes are still marked on the walls, Luf.” I point out with my free hand on my hip.
“Don’t you pick on me too, Lu!” he complained but then his eyes widened and he pointed at me “Eh, your tail’s out again.”
Both my brothers look at me and I slowly look over my right shoulder to see the tip of my tail there again “Luna…?” Ace’s voice calls softly as I keep my eyes trained on the black and white tail attached to me.
“Oh!” Luffy pipes up in excitement “The ears now!”
“You’re not helping!” And I hear the unmistakeable sound of Ace hitting my twin over the head. I feel a growl climbing up my chest and onto my throat, Ace sighs and he’s pulling the tip of my tiger ear before I notice, pain goes up and down my body “And you, why are you growling at your own tail, you moron?!” I tried to get him to let go of the tip of my very sensitive ear but he wouldn’t have it “I mean, how many times do we have to have this conversation? It’s your tail.”
I pouted as I looked at my tail “It’s weird.”
“I wish I had a tail…” Luffy whined as he now stood leaning on his own pipe “And could turn into a giant raging tiger…”
“No!” me and Ace lectured at the same time but our brother only laughed, he was like that. Maybe he’d have mastered the full tiger form by now while I’m still scared of letting go…
Ace let go of my ear and crossed his arms over his chest “C’mon, weird? Have you met the rest of your family?” we both looked at Luffy that kept grinning and I tilted my head “’Weird’ is also known as ‘casual Tuesday’ with us.”
I laughed at that, it’s not like he was wrong. I took a deep breath and felt my ears shift back to their original human shape, when I looked back, the tail was gone too “Hurray!”
Ace nodded, moving to support his own pipe on his shoulders with his arms hanging from it “Ok, now, we were gonna get ourselves some decent weapons, right? Time to retire the old pipes.”
“I don’t need one.” Luffy spoke up as we all started walking through the Gray Terminal “My punches are like pistols!” he punched the air with the fist he was holding his staff with.
“Yeah? Maybe if you ever manage to hit your target.” Ace mocked and I laughed.
We kept our usually cheerful banter as we crossed the Terminal, things were just the same as they’d always been; with the Bluejam pirates gone, Sly and his ‘gang’ had taken over the position of King of the junkyard; the army never really walked outside the gates unless to dispose of the garbage that the nobles still dumped at the Terminal; the scavengers still raced to the ‘treasures’ hiding in the piles of trash that then in turn, they sell back to the city… I swear, sometimes it feels like we were the only ones that had lived through the fire, the only ones that had lost in the fire…
I shook my head as we reach the Great Gate and feel an arm wrap itself over my shoulders, I look over to see my oldest brother smile at me and I mirror his expression without thinking about it. I wrap my arm around his torso and he kisses my head as we continue on into Edge Town, the same low lives as there had always been, selling things that they wouldn’t dare try to sell in town like drugs and weapons. Like I said, nothing had changed really… Made me think why was it all for…? What was the point?
“You’re uncharacteristically quiet.” Ace pointed out and I looked up at him, I don’t think I ever told him how much I liked his freckles “Get out of your own head, shrimp.”
“I’m not a shrimp!” I argue puffing my cheeks out, he pinches my cheeks “I don swech wike Wuffy, ya no?” I pull my hand from his side and start to lightly brush the tip of my fingers where my hand had rested.
“LUNA!” Ace jumped like a scared cat and me and Luffy laughed to tears until I felt his eyes on me.
“You’re in trouble now.” Luffy said to me but his eyes remained on our brother.
I nod “Eh… Depends.”
“It depends, huh?” Ace glared over at me, he really didn’t like when I tickled him, that never stopped me though.
I grinned “If you catch me.” And turned back to run.
Ace chased me up and down the lower town, until I was laughing too much to be able to run anymore and he caught up with me, drowning me in an attack of tickles. Luffy jumped on us, helping out Ace with tickling me, I could barely breathe between laughs “I… Surrender!!!” I call out between laughs and they end up stopping, both laughing at this point as well. I grab Luffy’s cheek and pull as far as I felt like “And you…” I breathed out “What… eheh What made you think hehehehe he needed help tickling me?”
“I wike hearing you waugh.” He replied and it made me release his cheek that smacked back into his face “You’ve been too serious, Lu.”
I smile at him, ignoring the stares on us from the people that passed by “Sorry, I’ve been thinking—” what had I been thinking about…? Him? Ace leaving? It had been two years since one and it still was five years until the other. Why had I been thinking more about it lately?
“We know.” Ace had simply said in my silence, making me look back at him as he got up and swatted the dirt off his clothes, then held out his hand to me with a smile “We’re here though, Luna. And I promised, didn’t I?” I smiled up at him and took his hand to help myself up “Nothing for you to go all serious about.” Once I was up, he pulled Luffy by the scruff of his neck and we patted the dust off our clothes.
I’ve always felt more intensely than other people, I couldn’t just be happy I had to radiate it and it could happen with the smallest things – I touched my bracelet as I bring it to my chest – I had smiled for a whole month after Sabo got me my bracelet, I could never not smile when Ace braided my hair, smiling came as naturally as breathing when Luffy gave me piggyback rides… It was never hard to make me smile and it lasted for the longest of times. But this also applied for when I felt sad, for I couldn’t just be sad, I’d feel empty and dark and down a hole I could never really climb out of – not by myself at least, fortunately I still had two of my brothers to help me.
I smiled and looped my arms through theirs “Let’s go! I still have to kick both your asses in practice later!”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m not nice enough to let you beat me, you know?” Luffy pointed out from my left and I grinned at him.
“You don’t have to dear brother, I still win the majority of our duels.”
“You can’t say the same to me though.” I turned to my right to see Ace grinning down at me.
I puff out my cheeks “Logic dictates that I’m bound to beat you even once in our lives, you know?”
He scoffed “You keep telling yourself that, shrimp.”
“I’m beating Ace before you get a chance to, Lu!” Luffy perked up, making me turn to him again.
“You only get to claim that after you’ve beaten me more times than I’ve beaten you!”
His smile opened wider as he looked ahead “Just you wait until I control my powers better! You won’t beat me then!”
“Ha! By then I’ll control all my Zoan forms.” I reply to him, Luffy turns back to me and we both start laughing at each other.
We casually walked through the way too clean streets of Downtown, completely ignoring the stares of the people that thought us too grotesque for their perfect little town, they should know better than to stare at this point.
It doesn’t take us long to get to Zeke’s shop, he had the best weapons to sell in all the Goa Kingdom, it was right between Edge town and Downtown, hidden enough away to not be noticeable to those that didn’t know where it was but there nonetheless to everyone that tried to seek it out. It didn’t seem very big from the outside but Zeke had used the surrounding empty buildings to expand his business without anyone noticing, also the military approved of it, they had to get their weapons from somewhere.
“Oh no!” Zeke’s voice comes from the back of the shop as the three of us scatter through his corridors making me look up at him. The old man comes from behind the counter with his cain waving in the air looking at me, then looking around “Hey, you too!” he points his cain at Luffy that stops himself from grabbing a battle axe and Zeke looks around again as I see Ace walking up behind him.
“Hi old man.”
Zeke jumps in the air before turning to Ace with his cain still in the air “Oh no!” I can’t not smile to myself “No!” the man shakes his head as he keeps saying it “Out of my shop! All of you!”
Ace chuckled “C’mon Zeke, be nice, we’re here as actual customers this time.”
The old man’s eyes widened between me and my brothers “Is that supposed to make me feel better?! It doesn’t!” the old man is forced to put the cain on the floor as he takes a breath “You three—Brat, you touch that axe I’m throwing you over the damn wall!” he warns and I saw Luffy flinch before he whistles away from the weapon, like he’s discreet or something “You three are destructive enough with your little pipes! I’m not giving you anything that could kill someone!”
I shrug “A spoon could kill someone in the right hands.”
The old man turns to me and waves his cain again “That mindset, little witch, is exactly why I’m not selling you three anything!”
“Old man, c’mon.” Ace tried to reason with him as he pulled his backpack off to show the man the contents “It’s good business.” I tried not to laugh at the way Zeke’s old eyes basically jumped at the amount of gold in my brother’s bag “And I promise that we’re not getting Luffy a weapon.”
The man nodded trying to pull himself together as Ace slung the backpack over his shoulder again “That’s a relief…” but then he eyes me and Ace “You two aren’t that much better though!”
“We’re not that bad.” I waved off and the man waved his cain at me again.
“NOT THAT BAD?!” he took a deep breath and pointed his cain at a bit of his shop that had patchworks holding the ceiling together “Do you know, you little pest, who shot my ceiling into the air?”
I scratched the back of my neck as I looked away “Eh? Luna did that.”
I dropped my head at my twin’s voice “Thanks Luf…”
“Put that down!” the man warned Luffy again before rubbing his face “I’m gonna have a heart attack with you three in my shop…”
Ace laughed “Tell you what Zeke.” Both me and the man looked up at my oldest brother as Luffy moved along to another trinket “What about two of us wait outside? Would that make you feel better?”
“Much better!” the old man admitted taking his hand to his back as he walked back to the counter “It’ll also help me forget that I’m selling actual weapons to the three worst delinquents of Grey Terminal.”
“That’s not fair, you sell weapons to the military!” I grumble “And you used to sell to Bluejam and you now sell to Sly. We’re not that bad!”
The man turned to me half way with a chuckle “In my books? They’re small fries compared to you three.” He paused for a moment before continuing walking to the counter “It’s a compliment, little witch.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about this ‘compliment’ but I shrugged it off as Ace rolled his eyes “Lu, take Luffy and wait outside, will you?”
I whined “But Ace…”
“I promise I’ll get you something cool.” He assured me as I crossed my arms and puffed my cheeks out “Don’t make that face, shrimp.” He pinched my cheek again “Now take Luffy and wait outside, c’mon.”
“Wat’s sho uffair!” I mumble before he releases my cheek and I stare at him as I rub my cheek “You’re cooking tonight then.”
He nodded “Deal. Now go on before the old man throws a mace at us or something.”
I laughed as I walked around to Luffy that was playing with a dagger, casually put it down and grabbed him by the hand “C’mon Luf, Zeke is an asshole.”
Me and Luffy ducked instinctively as an iron mace hit the wall where our heads were meant to me, didn’t faze us as we walked out back out the door. I sat on one of the boxes pilled on the entrance as Luffy kicked a rock “It’s not like we do that much damage.” He grumbled what only made me laugh.
“I destroyed his ceiling but you tend to nearly kill Zeke with whatever you grab.”
He turned to me with a finger over his chin as he seemed to think “I don’t remember that.”
I laughed more “I’m not surprised!”
We weren’t there for that long, I stayed sitting on my wooden box, flipping my pipe to pass the time as Luffy was clearly starting to hit his boredom mark, I didn’t know how to keep him entertained as I also wanted to go back inside and check out the cool weapons.
“He thinks he’s such a fucking hotshot.” My ears perked up as I heard a male voice from the inside the shop accompanied by more than one set of footsteps “Piece of fucking shit thinking he’s somebody around here.” I didn’t notice anyone in Zeke’s shop but it was certainly big enough for me to have missed them, five guys walk out of the shop adjusting clearly new daggers into their belts. I looked at Luffy that pointed at his own head as he tilted his head to me, I lifted my hand to touch my ears, only to notice that they had shifted again. I tried lowering my head to not call attention to myself, when I felt a familiar straw hat softly settling over my head, I looked up to see Luffy now standing by my side smiling at me, making me smile back at him. I touched my back to notice that my tail hadn’t made an appearance this time, breathed of relief and looked over my shoulder to notice that the men hadn’t paid us any attention, placing them almost at the corner of the short street “I’m telling you, someone should teach him a lesson!” despite their distance, I found that I could hear them just the same.
“And that someone’s you?” another one seemed to ask as I tried to shift my ears back into their human shape “Ha! I’d love to see you try to fight the kid.”
“I’m not saying me, but I certainly wouldn’t mind if someone killed him.”
Why can’t I shake their conversation? What does the tiger know that I don’t?
“Him and the other brats, all a fucking pain.”
“Lu, they’re not going away…” Luffy whispered near me and I nodded as I focused harder on making them go away.
“He’s the worst of the lot! I’m telling you, Ace’s a waste of life.”
I snapped my head in the direction the men had left. What the fuck did they just say…? I gave the straw hat back to my twin, gripped my pipe tightly and got off the pile of boxes before I ran off “Luna!”
I didn’t turn back to see Luffy running after me, I was too preoccupied with turning that corner and finding the group of men “Which one of you said that?”
The men turned to face me “It’s one of the brats.” Rushed footsteps stopped behind me and I glanced over my shoulder to see Luffy looking between me and the men “And another one. What do you two want?”
“Right now? Your head on a platter.” I said, keeping my eyes on them.
The men chuckled among themselves while I felt my brother’s hand on my elbow “Lu, what’s wrong?” he knew I wouldn’t just start a fight out of nowhere, I had met Shanks too after all and had learned that lesson as well, but there was no fucking way I was letting them walk away after I had heard what they said. But at the same time, I didn’t want to tell Luffy what I had heard, it’s silly, but it felt wrong to tell him.
“They’re talking shit.” I simply replied, keeping my eyes on them “And they’re losing their teeth for it at least.” There was something that was worrying me though, inside of me there was a roar that was trying to claw out and not quieting down but I couldn’t bring myself to back down “Keep back Luffy, I’ll handle these guys myself.” He let go of my arm and I heard him step back.
The men laughed but I narrowed my eyes on one of them and jumped him, smacking the bent edge of my pipe right on his face, sending him rolling back a couple of times as I turn to the other four that suddenly were taking me very seriously. They reached for their weapons but with their words ringing in my mind they were lucky if they got out of this with their lives, I was seeing red. They were the waste of life! How dare they?! They should wash their mouths before talking about our brother!
I hit one of them so hard with my staff that his blood splashed on my face. It was like a pulsation coursed through me – shit.
I stopped and glanced over at Luffy that had stayed back like I had asked. We didn’t need words, he knew what was happening, his eyes widened and that was it… That’s what I remember.
Everything else was fog. There was rage, a roar, a cry… I wasn’t enough myself to see Ace turning the corner with Luffy, worry evident all over his face. I don’t remember the feeling of my paws on the back of the men I had just beaten, I didn’t hear my brother’s exchange before Luffy took off running around the building, I wasn’t enough there to see Ace put his staff down and take off his backpack. I wasn’t in control when Luffy tangled his rubbery limbs around my body and Ace wrapped his arms around me. I wasn’t the one that struggled as the tiger thrashed against my brothers’ holds but there was only one thing that broke through the fog and the fear and the anger, clear like a bell came my oldest brother’s voice - “It’s alright Lu, we’re safe.”
With Ace’s voice came peace, the feeling of being home and not even the tiger could fight that. I remember being cradled in my brother’s arms as my body started to feel too heavy for me to hold, I remember feeling so small I could be a fairy, I remember the smell of my brother’s skin – warm like the sun, fresh like the wind that blows through the forest, bitter like oranges – I smiled weakly at the smell of home and then I was out.
I wasn’t awake to see my brothers share a sigh of relief, or to see Ace glare down at anybody that wasn’t unconscious – a silent threat to stay back or lose their lives – as he cradled me in his arms. No, when I woke up, I was leaning against a tree and the breeze of the forest caressed my skin, beside me to my left, Luffy was wrapped around me so quiet that you’d think he was asleep but the moment I moved, he looked up at me with bright eyes and a radiant smile “You’re back!”
I couldn’t help but smile too “I’m back.” I held him tight too as I looked around “Where’s Ace?”
“Hunting.” Luffy simply replied “He said he’d promised you that he’d cook tonight.” Then he frowned “I thought it was your turn to cook.”
“Yeah, but then Zeke wouldn’t let all of us be in the shop and Ace wanted to be the one to stay.” I explain “I bargained.”
We both laughed as we looked at each other, I was thankful to be back “I was worried, you know?” I didn’t say anything “What you heard must’ve been really bad, huh?”
“Piece of fucking shit.” “I certainly wouldn’t mind if someone killed him.” “Ace’s a waste of life.”
I nodded “It was worse than when we heard those Mountain Bandits talk about Shanks…”
“Oh…” was all my twin said, I knew he understood where my reaction had come from.
We sat there waiting for Ace to come back, I knew I ha scared Luffy by the way he stayed quietly by my side, arms wrapped twice around me as he pulled me close. I’m sorry Luffy…
Ace didn’t take long, showing up with a giant crocodile dragging behind him, he smiled tenderly at me “Good to see you awake.”
“Sorry…” I sheepishly said but he waved me off.
“Are you two gonna help me with this or am I carrying it and you all the way back to Dadan’s?”
Me and Luffy were quick to get up help our brother carry the beast, as we do this, I notice the dagger hanging from my brother’s belt “You got a blade!”
He looker over his shoulder and grinned “Oh, I got a set for you two.” I grinned so widely that if the tiger wasn’t so drained, it’s ears would’ve made an appearance, he looked back ahead “Hey Lu?” I hummed in acknowledgement “You never did say why you don’t like to shift.”
I didn’t reply, simply looking at his back as we walked “I think it’s cool that you can turn into a tiger.” I heard Luffy pipping up behind me.
“It’s scary…” I admit walking between them and adjusting my grip on the crocodile’s back “It’s always angry and I don’t know why…”
“Don’t you?” Ace’s voice made me look up at the back of his head “I think you do.” I thought about what he was trying to say, maybe I did know? But no, the tiger had always been hard to control, calling it had always been scary.
“Well… It’s still hard to control.”
“You’re not necessarily someone that likes to be controlled yourself.” Ace chuckled but it only made me frown at his back.
“Where are you getting at?”
He shrugged and the whole crocodile moved with his shoulders “I’m just saying, you’ve always referred to the tiger as ‘it’ or as something separate from you, and maybe that’s the problem?” I opened my mouth to speak but he was clearly not done “It’s not an ‘it’, it’s you. I think that the more you try to separate yourself from your tiger self, the harder it gets to control. Maybe, and I’m no expert, but just maybe if you learned to accept that the tiger is a part of you, then you’d control it better.”
“What if you’re wrong?” I spoke up “What if the only reason I’m able to come back is because I fight it? What if I invite it to take over and it turns on both of you and then—”
“I’m not dying!” Ace clearly enunciated the words as he looked over his shoulder at me, almost to drive it home “Didn’t I promise that?” I nodded at him, taken a bit aback by his tone “And, for as long as I’m around, I’m not letting anything hurt you or Luffy! I don’t care if it’s the military, the thugs of Gray Terminal, Sly or even if Bluejam himself showed his piece of shit face! This also goes for you hurting yourself, Luna. So no, your inner tiger can try going on all the rampages it wants, I’ll be there to bring you back, get it?” I nodded again, too stunned to find my voice “Do you get it, Luna?”
“Y-Yeah…” I nodded again, feeling my cheeks warm up, I smile “Thanks big brother.”
I notice Ace’s cheeks turn pink as he looks back ahead “A-ACE!!!” I look over my shoulder to find Luffy crying in what I can guess is happiness “A-ACE’S THE BEST!”
“SHUT UP, LUFFY!” Ace argues from the front making me laugh to myself. As long as I had them, I’d be alright.
I had a bath before going to bed that night, put on my pyjama and went back to our room to do something of my hair. Luffy was already snoring it up and I had to smile at the scene before I went to grab my brush, but a hand reached it before I did “Let me.”
“Go sleep Ace, I’m just giving it a quick brush so it’s not all tangled up tomorrow.” I hold out my hand to him but he doesn’t give it back.
“Sit, shrimp.”
I roll my eyes and puff my cheeks out but do as my brother tells me. With my legs crossed on the floor, I can’t help but remembering the first time that Ace had done my hair for me, it had been about two years before and it was messy and he pulled my hair a few times and it had come out full of knots, but I felt deeply loved… I can’t explain it properly, maybe it’s just silly, but it’s like when Luffy gives me those tight hugs that I never want to let go of, it makes me feel truly loved. I really hope that there’s something that I do that gives them that feeling too.
“Are you gonna tell me why you started that fight?” he asks as he brushes my hair but I don’t reply “You can imagine my scare when Luffy runs into the shop calling my name and saying that you’re shifting. When you passed out, he said you were fine and then you just went after those morons.” I still didn’t say anything “The both of us know that you wouldn’t just randomly start a fight, so I’m curious of what made you lose control so badly that you went full tiger on them.”
I sighed as I fiddled with my bracelet on my lap “They said something – that I’m not going to repeat – but it was bad, like… There was no way I was gonna let them leave with all their teeth, kind of bad.” He chuckled behind me “Nobody talks of my brothers like that…” I only realized I had said it aloud when he stopped brushing my hair, immediately I covered my mouth.
“Luna…” shit, there was the serious voice. He spun me on the floor so that I was facing his rather serious face “I don’t want you getting into fights just because some assholes bad mouth us.”
I crossed my arms over my chest “You’d have done worse if what they said had been about us instead.”
“So, worse, you got in a fight just because they bad mouthed me?” he lectured “C’mon Luna, you know better than that.”
“Just?! Oh…” I tried to keep my temper in check but keeping my eyes on his “Ace, the oceans of the world will run dry before I let anyone bad mouth my brothers. God help the world if your secret ever comes out and I hear anybody make comments I don’t like!” he rubbed his face, covering whatever expression he might be making but I saw his shoulders drop slightly as he breathed out.
“You can’t just fight the world, Lu.” He said, as he dropped his hands to the floor “Trust me, I’ve tried.”
I frowned and waved my finger in the air a bit “Oh, you watch me, brother!”
“I thought your pal Shanks had taught you that it’s stupid to pick fights over stupid things.” He tried again but I found myself standing up, my small height being just enough for him to have to tilt his head back a bit.
“It’s not stupid!” I protest “It’s my family! You’re my family! Luffy’s my family! Dadan is my family! Grandpa’s my family! I will not stand by as some jackass says bad things about any of you! I refuse to! What kind of woman would I be if I just allowed that?” he keeps staring at me and I just cross my arms over my chest again. In retrospective, saying that while wearing an oversized shirt that read ‘sunshine’ in the front, might’ve not been the best of moves, but it was done either way “And after what that guy said? He’s lucky if he’s still breathing.”
“What did he say?”
“I refuse to repeat it.” I reply “It was an absolute lie, like saying that we don’t need the sun in the sky! Like saying we don’t need air to breathe! It was ridiculous and I’ll never let anyone say such things and walk away laughing!”
He sighed but his features softened “You could’ve gotten hurt…”
I shrugged as I sat back down, facing him “It won’t stop me from fighting.”
He spun me back around and continued brushing my hair “What am I gonna do with you, shrimp?” there was silence for a moment as he put the brush down and started to wrap my hair up in a braid. I handed him a rubber band when he was done and he kissed the back of my head “Thank you, Lu.” I couldn’t help the small smile on my face as I traced my fingers through my freshly made braid. When I turned, he was already settling himself to sleep and I did the same, for the first time in a while, not scared to see the tiger in my dreams.
When I opened my eyes, there was no more forest, no more junkyard and I was no longer a child, I was wrapped in bandages in the Heart Pirates’ ship and it hadn’t been the tiger that roamed my dreams, but the past.
10 notes · View notes
greyhuntress · 4 years
Note
Harry Potter!
it’s hard to have any healthy opinions on Harry Potter these days but we gonna try
my favorite female character: Not to be a cliche but Hermione had such an impact on 6-7y/o me that I’d have to say her even though Bellatrix played by HBC is just the pinnacle of HP
my favorite male character: Draco. My boi. My bby. My child. I have no explanation other than: I like my villains’ souls tortured
my favorite book: Order of the Phoenix. That book is deep in lore and angst and heavy and just. Just Sirius man. Its all the things I love about the franchise.
my favorite cast member: Ok so talking movies, it’s ironical how much I don’t follow the actors careers? I love Daniel Radcliffe’s random chaotic energy though
my favorite ship: Considering I hate most ships in HP with a burning passion... I’d like to have seen Ginny/Lunna. Also Hermione/Krum, they deserved better. I might have at one point said Dramione rights but that ain’t me anymore... or ain’t it?
a character I’d die defending: Ok so I feel this has to be about controversial characters bc, y’know, if Luna just asked me to straight up die for her I would, but then again no one is coming for her bc we all know she’s perfect. So I’d probably have to say someone the fandom sporadically shits on like Narcissa Malfoy. That woman is such a good minor character I can’t even handle.
a character I just can’t sympathize with: I mean I see y’all trying to make me care about James fucking Potter and I AIN’T HAVING IT. The marauders were shitty popular kids, you can’t change my mind
a character I grew to love: OK HEAR ME OUT. Snape as a character is a shitty person? Yes. Do I hate him as the person? Yes. Do I fucking love him as a character? Also yes. But you won’t catch me deffending him anytime soon
my anti otp: Do you want a freaking list? JK pushed pretty much ALL of my buttons wrong ship-wise I can give you a fucking book on pairings that made no sense (Romione and Harry/Ginny and Drarry are quite high up there, also Fleur Delacour was a lesbian)
2 notes · View notes
fireeaglespirit · 6 years
Photo
Tumblr media
Hello again! I’m here to wish the best holiday ever! I hope that this Christmas Eve is going to be exciting - even if facing some family reunions can be troublesome hahaha…And knowing that this is a special day I prepared something that was in my mind: a Nutcracker Aquila Ballerina - maybe she is dancing in a theater of a French Opera? The interpretation is quite open since you know her better than I do! 
Please! Don’t forget to answer my questions about how Midori would react with her whole family about Izuna being saved by the girl! Would Tajima hug the girl in your story with Midori? And Madara? I’m awaiting  for the answers like a little kid! ≧◡≦
Happy Xmas! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
(I’m sending it twice so Tumblr won’t disappear with the submission)
Lunna here!! 
Oh my, I forgot it! Don’t worry I’ll get more to the Midori part, just so much to work right now makes my head dizzy xD just wanted to post this soon as its so freaking cute!!!!
About the scenario, I don’t know if Tajima would hug her as he’s quite stern in my HC, but he would hold down a tear?? Who knows! He also feels for his children even thought in a different way from Midori.
Midori would call her for a dinner, as I said xD so she probably would meet the entire family at once and there Midori would propose her to train under her wing (lol, love this imagery) and become a dancer if she had the wish to… 
Madara would first be shocked. Just to think he got close to losing his only sibling left alive. He is immensely attached to Izuna, imo… afterwards he would would be impressed and ask a lot of questions to the girl and Izuna about how it happened, I guess? He would be grateful of course and he would ask Midori to keep her by, lol. 
I think he also misses their sister Hikari, so imagine if the girl resembled her, even a bit… he would first focus solely on Izuna and then he would be like, damn I need to keep an eye in that girl. Anyway they just live a heavy life on lots of hardships and sadness so any kind of positive energy would make them delight for being able to forget the war even if for a bit. If the girl could bring in ‘fresh air’ and some company to the boys, Midori would be more than pleased to have her around.
Now, to the drawing. The best part of it is you’re drawing again <3 This looks so cute and I love the dress! Ha. Ironic and cute to have Aquila on winter theme… this was completely unexpected xD
Your lines are improving already, have you been practicing? Do you have a tablet?? We need to talk about that ^^
Aquila wishes you back a great end of the year. Now I’m free to think clearly again as my relatives have left, lol; I’m fine again.
4 notes · View notes
justfangstvdto · 6 years
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media
*Requested* The Salvatore´s have a younger sister who is close to both of them but gravitated more to Damon. She get´s attacked by one group of Damon´s enemies and dies from her wounds and Damon avenges her death against Stefan´s better judgement
Characters: Damon x Sister!Reader, Damon x Stefan
Story Title: “Forgive me”
Warnings: reader death, gore (if you count rummaging around in someone's chest as gore that is) grief and angst, a few glimpses of Salvatore affection,
Word count: 987
A/N: I accidentally deleted the initial request so if a few things differ from it I apologize. But I do remember it was from @thefaultinourpies .  Also, I left the attackers that killed the sister pretty vague so you can fill in the gaps yourself if you so, please.
Your name: submit What is this?
When Damon heard you scream it was already too late. The house was already infiltrated, the weapons already fired.
Damon speeds into the room just as the attackers fled. It was a group of 5, armed to the teeth and Damon knows them well. One of the many enemies he made since he came back to Mystic Falls.
You were simply outmatched and the element of surprise didn't play in your favour either.
“No no no. Y/N!”  He rushes to your side, letting them go pulling out the stake as carefully but swiftly as he can. The attackers have to wait.
“There's a splinter still-”
Without hesitation he plunged his hand into the closing wound, searching for the splinter before it can pierce your heart.
“D-Damon...I…” You stop as the splinter´s tip already scratches your heart. There is no way he could reach it before it's too late.
“Hold on, I almost got it.” His forehead is wrinkled in concentration and with the agony he knows will soon overcome him, but he's still searching, not giving up for a second.
“Listen to me,” You struggle to form words, the numbness already creeping up your feet “I love you. T-tell Stefan…”
“You can tell him that yourself. Just hold on. Please hold on.”
But there is no time. Your hand falls from his shoulder, the pigments of your skin greying.
“No!” Damon screams out and beats his balled fist against the wooden flooring, the bones cracking.
Soon his anger turned to overwhelming grief and he falls back, his knees too weak to hold him up. There is nothing but silence as tears stain his skin until the front door opens with a crash rolling down his face. He couldn't remember what crying felt like.
The front door opens with a crash, Stefan rushing through lead by the smell of blood. Your blood.
------
Shadows settle on your freshly covered grave, the sunlight pressing through the leaves, dancing on the soil.
Damon sits on the stone stairs leading up to the back door, an almost empty bourbon bottle next to him.
He can still feel your blood on his hands, the blood he spilled with his actions. There's a lump in his throat, present with the overwhelming grief he never thought he would have to endure.
The knuckles on his fingers turn white with the force he´s gripping the glass in his hand, the diffusing sunlight dancing in the translucent glass as flashes of you through the deceased cloud his vision.  How did it come to this? How could he have been so careless?
It should´ve been him impaled on that stake. Not you.
He shatters the glass with his hand the glass splitters piercing his flesh. But he doesn't even feel it. The grief of losing you, the one, besides his brother he swore to protect at all costs is too much.
He has to make this right or at least try to lessen the pain the only way he knows how. Murder. Lots and lots of bloody revenge murder.
He rips the shards out of his bleeding hand, the wounds already closing as he turns around, ready to fight everyone that stands in his way.
But instead of an enemy, Stefan stands there in the doorway, his eyes bloodshot from crying. He stepped into the door right when you took your last breath. If he'd only arrived sooner.
“Get out of my way.” Damon brushes past him, colliding with his shoulder. He doesn't have time for his brother's newly found peacekeeper approach.
Sometimes blood must be answered with blood.
He expected Stefan to yell after him, to tell him how revenge won´t give him any peace and how he's not thinking straight, but instead, Stefan rests his hand on his shoulder, and Damon stops immediately, facing him. Stefan doesn´t hesitate to pull him into a hug.
It's a rare occasion for them, sharing affection, but when they do it's almost as if past grievances are laid to rest, at least for that brief second.
“You can't do this,” Stefan says and releases him from his arms.
“They killed Y/N, Stefan!” He says, loudly yet with an unsteady voice “They killed her and I want- I need them dead. You´re not gonna stop me.”
“I said you can't do this.” Stefan replies firmly “Not alone anyway.”
Damon looks at him, surprised. He knows that Stefan loved you as much as he did, and even though both struggled to show affection as it is the normality in your family, still, he did not expect his brother to share is plan for murder.
“We're in this together.” Stefan adds “For Y/N.”
“For Y/N.” Damon repeats on the verge of crying once again.
Stefan goes on to lay out his elaborate and forcefully brutal plan but Damon isn't listening. Only the prospect of working with his brother to avenge your death puts him closer to being at ease. And even though he will recover from losing you, having Stefan finally by his side once more makes it bearable.
He only hoped you would be here to witness that reunion too.
Taglist: (crossed out ones are not taggable anymore, let me know if you want to be added again)
Forevers:  @laitalianax3 @shadyladyperfection @imnoaingeal  @maliae14 @akshi8278 @5-seconds-of-animals @fanobsessed @givemesomehybrid @laserchick101 @bbycastiel1 @bonniebird @originalbish98  @relmi-llorrac @piercethepottorff @the-geeky-engineer  @lauren-novak @drkplum @zayn-baby  @onlygodcanjudgeme-sh @prasygold @not-that-kinda-gurl08 @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers    @honeynutcoco     @fandomsandotherstuff @hanzas01  @all-hail-supernatural @itsbubbaog @vampire2018 @marvel-is-my-job @supernatural-lover-teamfreewill @wendydarling24601 @truelobster @sassymcgonagal1651 @buckysummers @sanity-is-overratedxp @justanothermagicalsara @lydiaasmartins @neverunderestimateacelt @characterobsessed  @woodworthti666 @lollyshipsklaroline @lunna-star-8
Damon´s buddies:  @minjngk  @tvmoviegeek3807 @littlemsdemon  
@mixed-up-fangirl @ogstydiashipper  @dead-lee-15  @shantayok   
131 notes · View notes
Text
I was tagged
I was tagged by the great @multicolouredtw to answer these questions!
Rules: tag 20 blogs you’d like to get to know better
Nickname: Anna or Netje (the last one only works in Dutch)
Zodiac sign: Scorpio
Height: 170cm (and I'm still too lazy to look up the inches and such)
Last thing you Googled: I think it's better not to write that down here, but it had something to do with a self para for an RP and deadly wounds.
Favorite music artist: Krezip!, Blof and that's about it, I think?
Song stuck my head: Zigge Zagge Zomer (It's one of those annoying summer songs that was released early....)
Last movie you watched: There is a huge chance it's Vampire Academy to satisfy my Dominic Sherwood crush
What are you wearing right now: A Jon Snow shirt and jeans
Why did you choose your URL: This URL is the shipname you get when you mix my name with "Alfred", a character from the musical "Tanz der Vampire". I'm thinking about changing it. I have "acourtofhopeanddreams" saved and I'm really dying to use that one.
Do you have any other blogs: Yes, I do. I have a writing blog @showandwrite and I have 5 roleplaying blogs: @mattheweddonovan, @justjennasommers, @mrgabrielsharp, @huntertaliamoore and @lana-parker
What did your last relationship teach you: I have never had a romantic relationship before, but the last kiss I shared has thought me that proving that you can get a man to kiss you doesn't make you feel better when the man doesn't stick in the end.
Religious or Spiritual: For me those two are connected and one can't live without the other
Favorite color: The blue of the sky in springtime
Average hours of sleep: I try to get 8 hours of sleep
Lucky Number: Everything involving an 8
Favorite characters: Alfred, Isaac Lahey, Deputy Jordan Parrish, Lucien Castle, Newt Scamander, Ethan Wate, Dorian Havilliard, Rhysand, Matthew Donovan/Honeycutt, TV-series-Jace Wayland, Jon Snow, Robb Stark
How many blankets do you sleep with: I own only one, sometimes I use an extra quiltblanket that my mother made me
Dream job: I would love to be a full time writer and I'd really want to be a mother one day.
I'm tagging: @lunna-star-8, @lein80, @frucienforever, @vampirefairyestelle, @merinathropp, @b-chocolatelover, @courtsofstarlight, @disneyflower-7, @enchantedrose2017, @guesswhofy, @harleys-quinzel, @justfangstvdto-mia, @kinetic-elaboration, @novemberseas-novemberskies, @oceanstiles, @purpleviolin91, @rhysand, @stefansalvatored, @theartofnotwriting
2 notes · View notes
missdawnandherdusk · 4 years
Text
the lakes
Draco Malfoy X Reader
Request: @youareinllve​: Imagine spending summer break at the Malfoy manor and you realize that this is the first time in a while that draco seems like a kid again, with no pressure from his family or Voldemort or the death eaters, just draco, your draco again, just having fun in a lake. (also see the lakes)
A/N: So I think this is the softest thing that I’ve ever written in my life and that’s saying something (especially for those of you who have been around for a while). It also has brilliant cadence, so if you can, read it aloud: it’s that much more enchanting if you can. By no means will this always be how I write, because it is more poetic than prose, but I don’t mind doing it now and against especially with a muse like folklore. Let me know what you think! Seriously, I thrive on y’all feedback/comments/reblogs.
Tumblr media
There were few days that I could call my own. The days when no one expected me to sit this way, talk that way, act perfectly. I could be young. I could be free. I could be loved. I could be with him.
There were few days that I could call him my own. The days when no one expected him to walk this way, speak that way, act like a Malfoy. He could be young. He could be free. He could be loved. He could be with me.
There were no tight-fitting robes. There were no school uniforms. There were no hours spent on hair and makeup. There was no time wasted in reflections. There were no side eye glances to steal.
There was the lightness of cotton. It was sundresses, cuffed trousers and flowy shirts. It was wide brimmed sun hats and bare feet. It was the softness of grass and the strength of the stones and comfort of earth.
It was his smile. The way it met his eyes. The way it called me in.
Into that cold water. That crystal-clear water. The water that matched the shade of his eyes.
 ~
Meet me at the lake,
Yours, Draco
~
That’s all it would take. That was when I knew the day was mine. When I knew he was. It was a trip to Windermere. To the wood skirting around his large suffocating manor. It was meeting him at the lake, where our days went to live and die.
“Took you long enough,” I’d tease as he passed the first few trees, his eyes scanning the foliage for me.
“Not all of us can apparate yet,” He’d jest back, taking my hand.
The warmth of his hand in mine matched the smile on his face. The sharp points of his cheekbones and jaw meeting the soft curves of his lips and eyelashes. The grass struggling to grow in the speckled light beckoned us forward. Our shoes, coats, and griefs left under a tree where our initials were carved. Sunlight filtered in golden and green through the trees lighting him softly.
Draco would take my hand and pull me close. His hands would rest on my waist as his nose nuzzled against mine in the calm lighting. Our breaths and the rustling of leaves were the only things heard. The only things that mattered to listen to. His lips would be soft and alluring on mine—just as his smile was.
The shock of the chilled water would elicit the most irresistible laughter and shouts of joy. The squishy earth beneath my toes would have me draped over Draco’s shoulders, just to avoid the prickling feeling. My dislike of the sensation would have him laughing yet again, and perhaps he’d roll his eyes at my ridiculousness. But he’d never complain. Instead he’d hold me or draw me deeper into the water.
The lake. The deep water. As soon as we could dive beneath it, our worries were gone. There was no war looming. There were no evil overlords. No heroes. No ransoms. There was no good versus bad. There was no sides. No houses. No prejudices.
There was me. 
There was Draco.
There was the hum of insects. There was the swaying of wisteria. His smile pressed against my skin.
“I love you,” He’d whisper. “More than anything,” 
“Never more than I love you,” I’d reply.
The enchanted water of that lake would take us to the banks. The outcropped rocks surrounded by flowers that were free to grow. That grew despite the adversity that it faced. The blanket would be soft under my touch as we carved a little square of the wildflowers to call our own.
Draco’s eyes would watch the distance, gazing upon the peaks of the mountains. Being with Draco seemed to make everything hurt less. No matter what it was, he had a way of soothing all of my worries and strife.
“How do I love thee?” He’d quote as I lay beside him watching the blueness of the heavens above.
“Let me count the ways,” I’d muse back, propping up on my arm so that I could catch a glimpse of the grey that his eyes held.
“I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach,” The words would tumble from his lips with practiced ease, with the same grace as the breeze persuading the grass to waver.
“I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.” My words would barely be heard above the babbling of the lost brook as the sun would stretch out its last efforts of warmth and guidance.
Draco would sit up then, tucking my drying hair behind my ear in a feeble attempt to tame it against the will of the wind gods that accompanied us.
“I love thee freely, as men strive for right.” An air of melancholy would haunt his words as shades began to seep back into our Eden.
“I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.” The gentle reminder would ward off the ghosts of who we were supposed to be as a smile would be mirrored on his face as it was mine. Again, we were free.
“I love thee with the passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.” Draco would become theatrical at these lines, feigning distress and he draped over my lap. A laugh would fall from my lips and onto the perfection of his features.
“I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints.” My fingers would dust over his cheek, drawing down his jaw, to trace the pink of his lips.
“I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life,” His grey eyes would vow this to me. Each and every day that belonged to us he would declare these words.
“And, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.” I’d promise back.
As the sun gave into his sister for the night, there was no escaping the world that demanded us back. The world filled with grief and sorrow.
The truth was: Draco and I didn’t belong in that world. The world of heroes and villains. The world of happily ever after’s and storybook endings. We weren’t made for rumors and gossip. Our love didn’t fit in newspapers or hushed conversations.
We belonged to the poets. To the sad prose. We belonged to the orishas of that lake and the wood and the flowers and the earth. Thousands of nymphs and naiads for us to be in the comfort and care of. The fae that would welcome us and protect our love. Our love that grew deep roots and beautiful flowers with no one around to spoil it.
Those were the days that we’d set off without our beloved to the lakes.
.
masterlist
.
more like this: 
hufflepuff series
cardigan
.
support a college writer
.
Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog @savingdraco @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @memalfoy-spidey @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise  @dietkiwi @katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena @moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte @braelynn-j  @jiggllyy  @darcypotter-blog​ @atomicpunkrock​ @thiccheerioss​ @lottie289​  @beautiful-pegasus​ @tceedlmao​ @deadlynyghtshayde​ @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes​   @anonymous034​ @bi-andready-tocry​ @lunna-does-real-doodle​ @dragonsandbread​ @okaydraco​ @the-queen-of-hell-things​ @cmxreader​ @alienmotel​ @oh-itsnothing​ @sunflowerxsadnessw​ @fattycooter​    @thisisahugemistake​ @fanficsigottaread​ @gweaslvy​ @strawberriesonsummer​ @gaysludge​ @cleopatera​ @ray-of-sunrise​ @artist-bby​  @shadowsingeraxolotl​   @quillsareforwriting​ @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo​ @wollymalfoy​ @lilpieceoftoast​  @paper-cats​ @floweryjh​ @sdicapriox​​ @peachesandpinks​ @hufflautia​ @livize75​ @annie-mcl​ @riathearora​ @live-like-luna​ @justathoughtfulangel​ @coconutdawn​ @skteaiy​ @wannabeskinny-thinspo​ @naughtygranger​ @dragonsandbread​   @abundantxadorations​ @moony-artnstuff​ @myforeveryoungblog​ @and-then-a-girl-with-luv​ @1-800-luvsick​ @pandas-rice-field​ @mrvlfangirl3190​ @in-slytherin-we-trust​ @emmaa-t​ @introvertedrae​ @infinity1o1​ @stoleurmomsvan​ @echpr​  @dekulover​ @marshmallowtraver​ @cereuselle​ @lonely-skywalker​ @xlosttdreamss​ @sleepysnapesnake​ @hoeforthefictional​ @coldlilheart​ @helen-paris​ @romance-geek​ @rosie-starlit-sky​ @californiaa-babyy​ @vulture-withafile​ @hogstupefy​ @littlepanda-love​ @eveft​ @iraniq​ @groovyfluxie​ @cool-weirdo-wannabee-author​ @siriusblackdies​ @rosegold-thorns​ @criminaly-supernatural​ @annie-mcl​ @ghostofdolans​ @bforbroadway​ @mxl-foyrecs​ @ginger-haired-queen​ @bex4whovian​ @kellyrose193​ @scrunchinn​ @unlikelygalaxygiver​ @marvel-trash-was-taken​ @one-edgy-bitch​ @supersouthy​ @narcissism-iskey​ @garbagejay​ @rejectedlonelyasianchild​ @lucymxwell​ @coldlilheart​ @cha0ticbisexual​ @elia-the-bibliophile​ @biggalaxydreamland​ @fuckbuckyyy​ @hopem1218​ @anchorclifford @youareinllve​ @tyrusparker​ @3rdofkingdomtrees​ @whamitsqueen​ @i-mmunity​
457 notes · View notes
missdawnandherdusk · 4 years
Text
Birthdays
Y’all quarantine finally got to me. I totally saw all of the “Happy Birthday Draco” posts yesterday and was like “his birthday isn’t until June fifth what are they doing?” .... it was June fifth. I thought it was March.
so! Here are some cute headcanons (slight NSFW but nothing too risqué I’m kidding it got worse/better)
Tumblr media
You two are still in school, but it’s exam season so stress levels are high
He’s nose deep in notes and books so it’s easy to plan a party behind his back
You sneak into the Slytherin dorm with a Muggle birthday cake and candles with the help of your friends and his
It’s a tiny party with newspaper wrapped presents and fire whiskey
He sulks for the first ten minutes of it.
“This is preposterous. If my father knew...”
“Your father isn’t here,” you purred into his ear. “Come on Dray, it’s your birthday.”
He’s never had a proper birthday like this before. Everything was just so cold and distant before
This was warm and comforting
Your hand never left his throughout the night; a constant reassurance that he was alright
You all sang him happy birthday much to his embarrassment but, well most of his friends had more than a few shots and it was hard to stop them
He cut the cake and didn’t want to admit that he liked the chocolate frosting and vanilla cake but Merlin it was so good
He thinks you noticed because you gave him another piece and another “it’s your cake eat as much as you want”
Your cheeks are slightly pink from the alcohol and so are his
There’s dancing and loud music and he gets to hold you close and feel you move against him creating a perfect heaven in his mind as his hands grip your waist
Pansy starts a game of Truth or Dare featuring Vertaiserum. Chaos ensues about revealing crushes and kinks that has you a giggling mess beside him
“Dom or sub?” Pansy asks you and you turn bright red “Sub,” you confess making Draco grin. He already knew that but he loved to watch you squirm
Then comes the dare to him from Blaise: “prove it.”
Goddamn it he’s never been into voyerism but he’s slightly drunk and you look absolutely maddening that he takes off his tie and with practiced moves, has your hands tied behind your back as he’s kissing you like there’s no one else there The fact that there is is actually turning him on more
You glance up at him with a look he knows well—you are his to the center of your very being
He undoes your bonds and slips you into his lap, holding you possesively the rest of the night driving him mad with the sloppy neck kisses you leave
Until he has time to take you to his room and tie you up properly hello birthday present and with you in nothing but black lace lingerie happy bloody birthday to him
The next morning is filled with kisses and cuddles and little “happy birthdays” and “I love yous” from your lips
He threatens everyone who was there that night to not speak a word of what happened or he would personally see to their demise
Not that anyone could confirm or deny what happened, they were all wasted
Maybe he didn’t really hate his birthdays so much after that
.
Tags: @un-limiteddd @geekysimmerthings​ @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18 @whygz​ @crazywritingbug @dolphincommander @bisexualbumblebeesstuff​ @fuzzy-panda@bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog @jillanaholland@shookyungsoo @savingdraco @welcometomyworldwithoutrules​ @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @chaotic-good-gemini @memalfoy-spidey@theres-a-dog-outside-omg @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans@darling-im-not-okay-i-promise @dietkiwi@katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen@mccloudchloe @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena@moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie​ @xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte@mccloudchloe @braelynn-j@jiggllyy @honeymarvel @go-whovian-universe @darcypottah@atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289 @boredashaeck @beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde​ @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes​ @anonymous034​ @bi-andready-tocry​ @lunna-does-real-doodle​ @dragonsandbread​ @atomicwonderlandmentality​ @okaydraco​ @the--queen-of-hell​ @langdonzvoid​ @cmxreader​ 
359 notes · View notes
missdawnandherdusk · 4 years
Text
Autistic!Draco (Head)cannons:
Before y’all go off on me or whatever: listen. (also I saw a post like this on insta but it wasn’t as extensive so... here we go)
Tumblr media
Draco hates when his hair is out of place, so he gels it back for two years in school. He hates things touching his ears or neck or face so gel
Has no idea how to expression the emotions he’s feeling so he does what he knows how to do, what he’s learned from his father: be a slytherin
High anxiety because he has to mask 24/7 (is he doing it right? Can someone see through it? How is he supposed to go to a school when he has no idea what the new social rules are?)
Which leaves Snape there to help him out. Not that Snape is great on making friends in the first place but ya know
He’s a bit more confident third year
Until buckbeak: he did what he was told and it didn’t work out and it caused him to have a huge meltdown on the spot because his rules didn’t work dad help I don’t feel safe
Not understanding how Harry just coasts through everything Dracos worked so hard at just passing by and it makes him angry and jealous
When he realizes he loves flying on a broom stick, Quidditch becomes a hyper fixation
Dad the new (insert fast broom here) just came out! Can I get one please!? (Insert a long list of specs and facts)! Dad please you have to get them for the Slytherin team!
Dad we have to go to the World Cup! Please! (Insert stats about both teams and the history of Quidditch)!
Potions is also a hyper fixation for him. He just loves that everything works the same way every time as long as you follow the rules
He’s a picky eater and only likes the things he grew up with, making him seem like a brat but you don’t understand I cannot eat mashed potatoes they feel weird
Luna Lovegood sees right through this whole boys charade
Which makes him freak out because what did he do wrong that she can tell no one is supposed to know
Doesn’t go to the Yule ball because it’s too loud, there are too many lights and people and he’d rather just save the meltdown
Snape’s doors are always open when he does get overstimmed and soon, so are all the other teachers’ they realize he’s not a brat he’s just scared and trying to fit in
Draco hates the sound of appertaining because it’s so loud, he prefers floo powder or flying instead
He loves his wand because it is so in tuned with him that when they start to work on casting spells without incantations it just knows
Have you seen his fuzzy winter hat can you imagine how stimmy that is for him?? The boy loves soft things
He takes the dark mark because it’s what he knows. His dad did it and it turned out fine, so why shouldn’t he? He’s so adverse to change especially when everyone is shouting at him about it
Does not liked to be touched. At all. Just. Three feet away please and thank you
Doesn’t understand a family dynamic other than his own. The Weaselys just confuse him and therefore are bad in his mind because there’s a certain way to do things and that’s not it
Is friends with the giant squid. “Well it comes around often enough, you guys should treat Harold better”
Has a hard time with eye contact and whenever he does make it you can bet he’s going to snap at someone to make them look away first
Has a hard time articulating what he wants to say so he defaults to what he’s heard growing up (forgot hermiones names? Mudblood. Don’t know which Weasley Ron is? well Weasley it is. Heard his dad only use Crabbe and Goyle growing up? Crabbe and Goyle it stays. Does Harry have a girlfriend, is that what girlfriends do? He asks but makes it snarky so no one sees his curiosity)
Could he just be a jerk? Sure. Could he be an accidentally written masking autistic that no one caught because it’s so hard to diagnose these days? Absolutely. Do I have any say in this because I’m also autistic? You can bet your Galleons I am.
Tags: @un-limiteddd @geekysimmerthings​ @coffee-addicti@msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18 @whygz​ @crazywritingbug @dolphincommander @bisexualbumblebeesstuff​ @fuzzy-panda@bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog@jillanaholland@shookyungsoo @savingdraco@welcometomyworldwithoutrules​ @akari180 @slytherin-emerald@chaotic-good-gemini @memalfoy-spidey@theres-a-dog-outside-omg @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe@spicyshenanigans@darling-im-not-okay-i-promise@dietkiwi@katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things@tmnt-queen@mccloudchloe @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena@moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie​ @xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper@ninacotte@mccloudchloe @braelynn-j@jiggllyy @honeymarvel@go-whovian-universe @darcypottah@atomicpunkrock@thiccheerioss @lottie289 @boredashaeck @beautiful-pegasus@tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde​ @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes​ @anonymous034​ @bi-andready-tocry​ @lunna-does-real-doodle​ @dragonsandbread​ @atomicwonderlandmentality​ @okaydraco​ @the--queen-of-hell​ @langdonzvoid​ @cmxreader​ 
370 notes · View notes
missdawnandherdusk · 4 years
Note
So I saw the post where you said send in requests and i havent seen anything negating that, so uh, do you think you could write something (when you have the time and motivation of course please dont feel obligated (unless you want to) ) where people start noticing the way Draco flinches whenever someone makes a sudden movement and then all of the sudden one day he comes back to the castle after holiday and its so much worse and people start kinda trying to help and make his days better?
okay, here we go. And no one can convince me that no one at Hogwarts noticed that Draco was a victim of abuse but since Harry has the attention span of a goldfish, it wasn’t added that and JKR is a terrible person.
Also warning: this does talk about physical emotional and mental abuse. I want you all to know that you NEVER deserve it and never believe that your abuse situation “isn’t that bad.” You are cherished and loved and worthy and valuable. 
okay, so the first year wasn’t too bad not that it wasn’t bad but, well Draco was innocent to any other way so he thought it was normal for his father to do what he did
Then things start to dawn on him that maybe no... this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. Yet, whenever he asks a question against his father... things don’t end well for him. “But why are muggle-born so bad?” “What’s wrong with the Weasleys?” “Why are you so mean to the house-elves?”  It never ends well, so he stops asking but now boy does he have a lot of questions and internal conflict that grows.
back to the point so someone drops a book/cauldron/glass something and Draco jumps and begins to panic “is his father mad? What did he do? How can he do better?” because he’s convinced that his father is on another rampage, but Crabbe just nudges his arm and he’s brought back to the present and that he’s not in trouble or danger
Snape is the first to notice because he knows what to look for in a child that has been abused at home, from personal experience, so he scolds the student who dropped the thing harshly
Our darling Hufflepuffs take note very quickly. In fact, there’s a support group at Hogwarts for kids who come from not so safe homes. Magical abuse or not, it's a group to just come and feel safe and like you’re not alone lead by Sprout and McGonagall
In Herbology with Draco, the Hufflepuff tells Momma Sprout about what they think is going on and boy is Sprout a momma bear looking out for Draco at every turn and looking into any records she can get her hands on
These kids from the support group start to become very worried about Draco because they’ve seen it all before and they hate seeing anyone else go through what they went through
They start to send him anonymous letters so that he’ll get mail in the mornings, and sneak sweets/snacks into his bag when they notice he’s not eating, or volunteer to be his partner in class
Boy is Draco confused
Which means he snaps a lot more and is rude and scared because he doesn’t understand why they’re being so nice to him
Alone is what I have, alone is what protects me
When Buckbeak attacks him, of course, he breaks down into tears because it’s all too familiar and he’s terrified that if he blinks he might open his eyes and it’ll be his father coming at him, not Buckbeak
and maybe he keeps the bandages and brace on longer for more than he needs it because it was a reminder that someone cared for him and mended his wounds and he didn’t have to do it himself
You think he just like Potions? Oh no, he’s had to make his own healing Potions all his life for the sake of keeping up the family appearance.
Luna Lovegood, the precious child sees right through all of it. Easily. And is a lot more confrontational about it than the support group, who did things more on the down-low. She takes all of his ridicule and taunts and snaps and lets him yell at her because she knows he needs to vent to someone
When Hermione pulls her wand out to attack him, sure, he could be a drama queen with all bark and no bite but maybe again it's too familiar and whenever there’s a wand in his face like that it ends with him in pain 
That night Luna finds Draco in the Astronomy tower alone and just sits next to him. 
He scoffs but after a while asks how can she deal with living alone with her father. She tells him that her father is the kindest person she knows and it finally gets through to Draco that how he grew up was not normal.  
Luna tells him about the Support Group and he gets notes here and there as invitations, and maybe he decides to go one night
He’s surprised to see a lot of kids he knows. Luna goes and sits by some of her friends, Neville is there, and quite a few older Slytherins, and the Hufflepuff from his Herbology class who smiles and waves at him. 
He realizes that these are all the kids who have been nice to him
He doesn’t share at all during the meeting (it’s sort of like AA where kids just go through and talk about what happens to them, if they’ve grown or made progress, what scared them still. The older kids offer advice and comfort and tissues because everyone cries) 
He doesn’t share for a few weeks of meetings that he attends, but he doesn’t feel so hopeless anymore
Maybe now he doesn’t snap so much and maybe he’s not as scared anymore to let people in because he’s not alone and he realizes that everyone has their own inner demons and struggles
Fifth-year is the worst for him. With No Nose back, his father is vicious and ruthless and takes his pain and anger out on Draco. 
It’s after easter break that he finally shares. “My... my father...” 
Before he can say another word there are arms wrapped around him and hands on his shoulders and soft encouragements and consoles. 
“He... he used the cruatious curse on me... and said that if I didn’t do it on someone else that he’d...” And Draco just breaks down into tears because he feels wicked and broken and ashamed. 
He cries harder when no one judges him or yells at him or treats him differently. He’s still just Draco to them. The same thing happens when he tells them about the Dark Mark,
When he starts to slip through the cracks, the group vividly helps him like they’ve helped kids before him for generations. 
Ravenclaws helped him study and find motivation when he started to fail his classes, Hufflepuffs show him how to have fun and take breaks and self-care, Slytherins are there in the common room on sleepless nights with tea and blankets, Gryffindors are there  as a defense squad against anyone who wants to get to Draco and boy do they rip on Harry
But maybe Draco sees in Harry what the others saw in him. A kid who’s very fast with reflexes and has the same sort of anger and defense mechanisms that he did
Draco defends Harry from a Slytherin and Harry is confused and the Slytherin is confused but they back down
Harry just glares and walks away and Draco rolls his eyes and sighs
He sends Harry invitations to the Support Group but the golden boy never shows
When the Death Eaters kidnap Luna, Draco about loses it because Luna was one of the first ones who helped him grow
So he goes down to the dungeon and they still have their own little support group. Luna sees first hand what it’s like to be Draco especially when his father makes Draco use the cruatious curse on her
He cries and begs for Luna’s forgiveness and of course, he has it, she knows he never wanted to hurt anyone
At Hogwarts seventh year, he and the Slytherins who were a part of the support group are now also apart of the rebellion and Draco is livid about the punishments that Snape allows because how dare he allow physical abuse as a punishment and he gets an earful from Draco about it
Snape explains that it’s to keep him safe and Voldemort from suspecting anything and Draco just “I don’t give a damn about me or you! Stop hurting these kids! They’ve done nothing to deserve it!” And he’s in tears
Snape pulls back on his regimen a bit
Of course, Draco lies to his father about not knowing who Harry is. Why would he let his father win when Draco held the cards? 
When Draco’s father calls him back to the side of the Death Eaters, he’s about to go because he is still afraid of his father but Luna takes his hand and so does the Hufflepuff from Herbology, and soon there are hands on his shoulders and arms, reminding him that he’s not alone and that he’s not the scared little kid anymore and he stands with Hogwarts
He and Harry eventually have a talk about growing up and the abuse they both suffered and Harry and Draco both grow as people and stop being so childish and put away the grudge and hatred for another
He takes a Slytherin girl under his wing in eighth year who’s two years younger than him and jumping at her own shadow. He brings her into the Support Group and helps her find some courage and self-worth
That girl is Astoria Greengrass
Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87@artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522  @zombiesnips-blog @jillanaholland @shookyungsoo @savingdraco @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @chaotic-good-gemini @memalfoy-spidey @theres-a-dog-outside-omg @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise @dietkiwi @katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @mccloudchloe @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena @moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie @xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte @braelynn-j @jiggllyy @honeymarvel @darcypottah @atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289 @boredashaeck @beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle @dragonsandbread @atomicwonderlandmentality @okaydraco @the–queen-of-hell @langdonzvoid @cmxreader @alienmotel @oh-itsnothing​ @tulippings​ @thestressedprincess​ @sunflowerxsadnessw​ @caps-wilsonn​ @fattycooter​ @angelotakunerd08​ @thisisahugemistake​ @fanficsigottaread​ @gweaslvy​ @okaydraco​ @strawberriesonsummer​ @ughjjloveme​ @honeymarvel​  @gaysludge​ @cleopatera​ @ray-of-sunrise​ @artist-bby​ @shadowsingeraxolotl​ @peters-legos​ @quillsareforwriting​ @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo​ @wollymalfoy​ @lilpieceoftoast @monimillion @howdycharlie @gnf847
204 notes · View notes
missdawnandherdusk · 4 years
Text
Taking A Break
Hey guys, so on my last post I said that I had just gotten out of a four year relationship and well, as you can imagine it’s a bit jarring for me. Please, no worries, I’m not having a mental breakdown nor am I in any danger of doing something stupid. And I mean it. Truthfully. But, I’d like to talk a bit about it if you don’t mind and give some wisdom, or at least a story to tell. 
When I was fifteen, a tenth grader, my older brother (who is a year older than me) was very abusive. It was verbal and emotional and left me in a dark place. As a kid with anxiety and depression, who was excepted to sill be the pinnacle of perfect, you can imagine how difficult it was for me and how much I craved companionship, and to belong somewhere. And well, that’s when I met my s/o. We were both in a dark place and together through the years, we helped and relied on each other. It was a war that we fought side by side. I relied and loved him and he, me. It was a long distance relationship. He lived across the country and we could only see each other a few times a year, which made things unique for us.
But we grew older. And made a lot of fond and fun memories along the way. And I don’t regret a moment of it. He helped me become the person I am today and I will always love him for it. I’m no longer scared of the world, and I no longer let myself get walked on. My depression and anxiety, I have a real handle on. I’m not suicidal anymore and my panic attacks are few or managable or at least recognizable. My brother grew up too. He’s no longer angry and abusive, but rather a pretty cool brother. Don’t get me wrong, it took a lot for us to mend our relationship, but we did and now we have a mutual respect for each other. My parents and I are on better terms after I moved out and went to college for a year and now I’m not so alone and dependent. In fact, I’m thrilled about life! I never thought I’d ever make it to eighteen and now I’m in college, and I have a huge horizon of possibilities in front of me! I was in college, and engaged to be married to my prince charming who saved me. Well...
Let’s talk about my relationship. Where and when I was growing, he stayed the same. Though I tried again and again to give him advice and help him and even get him to help himself, he just didn’t. And that’s extremely frustrating. But, as someone who believes in the best of everyone even in the worst of people, I persisted. I could see the potential, especially since I was growing and seeing the potential I had myself. But he still refused to listen. All he wanted to do was complain about where he was and for me to console him. And whenever I pointed it out, he’d promise to do better and that he was sorry, and I believed him. And it would get better for a while. 
Now don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t always like this, nor was it as often as you’d think but since January, it began to really drain everything from me. All of our conversations would be about what was wrong in his life and I began to distance myself. I still loved him though and believed in him. It was hard to really take a step back, because as far back as I could remember he was there, just a constant. And until college I didn’t really know how to be independent or if I could even make it on my own because of how I was raised. But college showed me that there is so much more to the world and to me. And I desperately wanted to share that with him, but he was still stuck in the same place that we met.
Then the little things started to occur to me that maybe this wasn’t healthy for me at all. I’m very passionate about what I love (if you haven’t noticed thus far) and he’d say things that would sap all of the happiness out of those things. My music, my fandoms, my art... He’d constantly rip on my favorite characters or my favorite artists or say that the way I did things wasn’t the best way. And as someone who took a long time to become confident in herself, it was jarring, because I loved him and I felt like I couldn’t talk to him about anything else that I loved. Our interests shifted and what we wanted out of life changed.
Then I came out to him. Which was very new to both of us and had me freaking out to tell him because how in the world was I supposed to tell him that I was asexual? But I thought, well, he’ll love me still. It was a nice thought. He crushed me when I told him. He didn’t tell me he was proud, or that he still loved me. He just went quiet. And when I asked him what he was thinking, well he said that he was concerned that his future wife didn’t want to have sex with him and maybe that there were some barriers that would fade with time and maybe after we were married I’d want to again. 
Yeahp. 
You can imagine how back into a corner I felt then. After a while he apologized and came to terms with it, but the damage was done and it still hurts, even now. But then I realized something. 
When I came out to my best friend, she was so excited and proud of me. And everyone else I told (even you guys) were proud of me and accepted me and I realized that I wasn’t alone. And I’m not alone. Not in the slightest. I have parents who love me and who I can now talk to about how I feel. I don’t have to be perfect for anyone anymore because I already am, just the way I am. I have amazing mentors and friends from college who love me and are there for me and I have close friends who I can fall back on if I need to. Most importantly, I love who’s in the mirror and she’s got my back too. 
But I was afraid, because, well it’s hard to end a long term relationship, even though I wanted out. I was afraid of what other people would say, of telling them, of breaking off an engagement when everyone was so happy for me and it took me probably longer than it should have, but the choice I made was the right one and I’m certain of it. Even if it’s just goodbye for now, it still had to be goodbye. 
He wanted me to be the person that I was four years ago, and I’m not her anymore. She is so far gone, even though I still love her and that part of my life, I won’t forfeit who I am not for the sake of ‘true love’
So, why am I telling you this? Well, one I wanted to let you know what’s going on in my life, but two, I wanted to let you guys know that “true love” doesn’t come from one person for the rest of your life. I believe in true love, and in agape, but it’s not from one source all the time. Fairytales are amazing and I adore them but my happily ever after is going to be on my terms. It’s not something I’m going to compromise on because it’s my life and I’ve fought hard for it. And the girl I was four years ago deserves everything I can give her. 
And the same goes for you. You’ve fought hard for who you are today, and if you don’t like who that is, well keep working on it! Keep fighting for it because it’s beautiful and amazing and something to chase. And to those of you who have been suicidal and who either still deal with it or have, don’t give in! From someone who’s been there myself, please believe me when I tell you there is so much more to life than you can ever imagine. 
And, this is a huge change for me. I’ve never been ‘single’ before and though I don’t plan on dating any time soon, it’s a lot for me to adjust to and settle into. I really am happy and proud of myself because it’s something I did for myself and the best thing I could have done for myself and now I feel free to chase after the sun without having to worry about pulling him up with me. I’m free to be me. 
That being said, I’m going to take a break on writing my Hufflepuff and Gryffindor series for right now. And I really hate to disappoint you guys because I know you love reading them and I love seeing you guys’ reactions, but right now, I can’t bring myself to write those scenarios until I’ve settled into who I am a bit and can do so without a bleak outlook, if you can imagine. I want to give you happily ever afters with Draco. I really do, but right now I can’t do that with these stories, not yet. So forgive me as I take a break with them. 
It’s not to say I won’t be writing! I will still write I promise!! I don’t know what or when, but I will write for Draco and I will show you my heart and emotions as I always do. You guys mean so much to me, you have no idea and I love writing for you guys as much as I do myself so I promise I won’t stop. But please, keep in mind that I’m going through some things on the ‘outernet’ and that requires a bit more of my emotional quota than the internet. 
I love all of you. 
Tumblr media
Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog @savingdraco @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @memalfoy-spidey @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise  @dietkiwi @katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena @moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie @xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte @braelynn-j @jiggllyy @honeymarvel @darcypotter-blog @atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289 @boredashaeck @beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle @dragonsandbread  @okaydraco @the-queen-of-hell-things @cmxreader @alienmotel @oh-itsnothing @sunflowerxsadnessw @fattycooter @angelotakunerd08 @thisisahugemistake @fanficsigottaread @gweaslvy @strawberriesonsummer @gaysludge @cleopatera @ray-of-sunrise @artist-bby @shadowsingeraxolotl @peters-legos @quillsareforwriting @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo​ @wollymalfoy​ @lilpieceoftoast​  @paper-cats​ @floweryjh​ @sdicapriox​ @slothgirl22​ @peachesandpinks​ @monimillion​ @hufflautia​ @livize75​ @annie-mcl​ @riathearora​ @live-like-luna​ @justathoughtfulangel​ @coconutdawn​ @skteaiy​ @wannabeskinny-thinspo​ @naughtygranger​ @queenofmankind​ @dragonsandbread​ @abundantxadorations​ @moony-artnstuff​ @myforeveryoungblog​ @and-then-a-girl-with-luv​ @1-800-luvsick​ @pandas-rice-field​ @strawberriesonsummer​ @jjustsomerandomgirl​ @mrvlfangirl3190​ @in-slytherin-we-trust​ @emmaa-t​ @introvertedrae​ @infinity1o1​ @stoleurmomsvan​ @echpr​ @sunkissed-hufflepuff​ @dekulover​ @marshmallowtraver​ @cereuselle​
80 notes · View notes
missdawnandherdusk · 4 years
Text
Life Update
It’s me, your humble author, here for a little update. 
My last fic seemed to hit hard with some of you, whether it was empathetic or sympathetic, I’ve seen your responses to it. And I know that some of you are concerned, and I love that I mean so much to you that you’re willing to reach out. It’s a sweet feeling that makes me smile and gives me an affirmation with each message. 
And right now, I really am trying to figure out how I feel about my recent breakup. I know that I don’t want to go back to him. And sifting through the memories brings back some more somber moments and somber thoughts, like the ones you read in Together in Paris. 
It’s been hard for me, yes. And maybe I can share some of it with you. Maybe writing it out will make me feel better, or feel something. I know I have a habit of going numb and avoiding things that might hurt me, but I think it’s time I open my heart up a bit, and I feel safe with you all. 
It’s true. He was supposed to be my happily ever after. He was my prince charming who came to save me from an awful home life, terrible mental health, and well, just about everything else. For a long time I believed that he was my forever. My Edward, my Wesley, my Winchester, my Chat Noir, my Captain America, my guardian angel, my soulmate. The little girl inside of me who craved being saved had found her savior and she loved him with all of her heart. There was no one who knew me better for a long time. Though every heartache he was there. When friends turned and walked out on me, when I had tough decisions to make, when I needed someone to lean on, he was there. He was my everything. 
And I gave up so many things. I compromised so many times just to keep him. Things that I’ll never get back. I never stole his sweatshirts because he didn’t own any. We never had a song, he rarely liked my taste in music. I never got flowers, or romantic dates. I had to plan them all, if I wanted it, I had to tell him. There was no dancing at prom, no claim of highschool sweethearts, no nights looking up at the stars. No cute photos at holidays. I lost all of the little things for the sake of a savior. 
And I think that’s what wore away at my heart the most. What could have been, what should have been, if he cared a little more. Words only got so far. “Of course I love you,” “I’ll try harder,” “I’m not good at this kinda stuff,” “I don’t care,” They were empty promises piled up on top of the promise of forever. 
And even though I was with him, I started to define myself, and I liked that he was apart of my definition, but he wasn’t the entire definition anymore. But that’s all I was to him. I was on a pedestal to him. And I wanted off, desperately. But he refused.  
 Everything he did, he claimed to do for me, then complained about how it drained him. He’d work non stop for money to go to school for me, then complain about his day or refuse to get proper sleep. And I’d tell him to sleep, to take care of himself, and he didn’t. He said he couldn’t. And it’s hard watching someone self destruct while you’re desperately telling them to get help, to listen, to do something different. Anything different. 
And that hurt. A lot. It hurt watching him cling to a shadow of me and say he loved me again and again and I couldn’t say it back. I couldn’t believe him anymore. He didn’t love me. He loved the idol. 
And he never listened. That’s what killed me. When we fought, when I tried to tell him where he was going wrong, when I tried to help him, he’d get mopey and “woe is me” and victimize himself to a point where I felt backed into a corner. Where I didn’t want to talk to him because he was only interested in hearing “I love you” or complaining to me. He didn’t want to know about my day. He didn’t care what music captured my heart. 
He never read my writing. 
Maybe once, he did a few years ago. But I can assure you that I’ve gotten “later” from him for about a year. A “later” that never came. And that hurt a lot. I pour my heart out into my writing. It’s a world that I can create and destroy if I want to and I love my worlds, I love my writings, and he never read them. He never cared. He made excuses. And he was also manipulative with it because one of the only writings that he read of mine from this blog is my ace headcanon list, then proceeded to yell at me and gaslight me for writing it making me feel bad because he had reacted wrong and golly gee I’m Mad and Hurt So after a while, I just stopped trying.
And it was sad, because he never noticed that I stopped trying. He probably thought that I was being complaint. Another compromise. 
And I came to the realization that I didn’t want to share my life with him because he didn’t want to be in my life. He wanted my love and affection and the security that I offered. 
He knew it was wrong. He told me he knew. Again and again he said he’d change. He’d get better, he’d keep trying. And trying. And... not trying. He never changed. He never kept that promise. 
And that kills me too. 
I wrote “there are songs about the ones who got away, but they never ask her why she left, do they?” 
This is why I had to leave.
Because I’m not a fighter. I’m a pacifist. I’ll go in peace without a word. Without an argument. A clean break. I can go and never tell my side of the story. I’m okay with rumors about me because I know who I am on the inside. And I’ve worked damn hard for that and I’m proud of it. 
But no one knows any of this. And he’ll never see this because he’ll try to turn it back on me. 
So, I’ve made a clean break for it. I’ve blocked him on social media and on here. I don’t want to try to fit him into my life anymore because it was exhausting. And I never knew how tired it made me until he was gone. 
So yes, it hurts. It hurts because I thought I had found my everything. I was convinced that I had, and he let me down. He let me down and he refused to accept that and he refused to ever let me believe that. It hurts because I gave up so many things for him and now I can never get them back. And that hurts. It really does. 
And right now, I have to disassociate him from my series, because those are the stories of us. And they’re supposed to have happy endings and a man who stays and changes for the better but I have no idea how to write that now, because it didn’t happen to me. So please, don’t expect me to figure out how to finish those series because I have no idea what to do now. I’m scared and alone without a prince charming for the first time in my life and writing career and it’s terrifying. And I know you all love them, I do, but I can’t do it. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know how to give you a happily ever after because my was torn from me by the one who promised it to me. 
And that hurts the most. 
Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog @savingdraco @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @memalfoy-spidey @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise   @dietkiwi @katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena @moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie @xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte @braelynn-j @jiggllyy @honeymarvel @darcypotter-blog @atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289 @beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle @dragonsandbread  @okaydraco @the-queen-of-hell-things @cmxreader @alienmotel @oh-itsnothing @sunflowerxsadnessw @fattycooter @angelotakunerd08 @thisisahugemistake @fanficsigottaread @gweaslvy @strawberriesonsummer @gaysludge @cleopatera @ray-of-sunrise​ @artist-bby @shadowsingeraxolotl  @quillsareforwriting @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo @wollymalfoy @lilpieceoftoast  @paper-cats @floweryjh @sdicapriox @slothgirl22 @peachesandpinks @hufflautia @livize75 @annie-mcl @riathearora @live-like-luna @justathoughtfulangel @coconutdawn @skteaiy @wannabeskinny-thinspo @naughtygranger @queenofmankind @dragonsandbread @abundantxadorations @moony-artnstuff @myforeveryoungblog @and-then-a-girl-with-luv @1-800-luvsick @pandas-rice-field @strawberriesonsummer @jjustsomerandomgirl @mrvlfangirl3190 @in-slytherin-we-trust @emmaa-t @introvertedrae @infinity1o1 @stoleurmomsvan @echpr @sunkissed-hufflepuff @dekulover @marshmallowtraver @cereuselle @lonely-skywalker @xlosttdreamss @sleepysnapesnake @hoeforthefictional @coldlilheart @helen-paris @romance-geek @rosie-starlit-sky @californiaa-babyy @vulture-withafile @hogstupefy @littlepanda-love @eveft @iraniq
48 notes · View notes