#madly in love or unhealthy attachment

[spfswithchipotlemayo]

Kevin and thea? Questionable at best legal yikes at worst

BUT

Thea literally didn't talk to Kevin for a year and a half when he ghosted her after breaking his hand "skiing" when she's literally an Olympic athlete in her mid 20's and came in guns blazing and Kevin still pulled?? Honestly idk if that makes it worse on her part

[tempertyzias]

genuinely what is trigun

my biggest current hyperfixation, its like two and half mangas/two animes/a movie

it started as just the manga "Trigun", then was adapted into the 1998 anime, then the manga CONTINUED in the form of "Trigun Maximum" which has 14 volumes plus a little addon anthology book called "Multiple Bullets" (but I don't know much about it specifically). im on volume 11 and it is KILLING ME [positive]!! there was a movie, Badlands Rumble, in 2010, most people have kinda mixed feelings about it cause the characterization is questionable but I still like it. the latest rendition of it is Trigun Stampede, made by the same studio that made Beastars. you might also hear about "trigun omnibus"-- thats just a reprint of the manga condensed into 7 books instead of 14. Trigun Stampede was the first one I watched and its my personal favorite but I love all versions of it truly madly deeply. it's my absolute favorite kind of story: the kind that slow boils you like a frog, gradually getting more and more difficult to explain as it goes on, but that also makes it more and more difficult to get more people into it

the main character, Vash The Stampede, is a wanted gunman with a varying amount of money on his head depending on the rendition / point in time but usually 60 billion double dollars, except hes actually a pacifist who avoids violence if he can and refuses to kill. his designs vary between renditions (I think he wears like 7 different coats in the manga?) but generally, blonde spiky hair, orange glasses, prosthetic arm, red coat. trigun stampede is the most different design from the previous renditions, a lot simpler mostly (except for his arm, bane of many fanartists though I honestly really like drawing it) but basically hes my biggest blorbo I both love him and want to be him. people call him a twink but hes not hes built like a brick shithouse under the coat

hes usually accompanied by Wolfwood, religious trauma personified whos hard to describe because his personality varies the most between renditions-- though his design is pretty consistent across the board, wears a suit and carries a big wrapped-up cross thats actually a gun called "The Punisher". he's usually a priest, but in Stampede he's an undertaker. also before I knew what Trigun was when I saw people at a convention cosplaying him I thought he was a supernatural character

and Meryl and Milly (though Milly isn't in Trigun Stampede yet), who in most renditions are insurance agents assigned to follow Vash but then get attached to him like the sad pathetic wet cat he is

then theres Vash's fuckass twin brother who I hate, Millions Knives, edgelord supreme that, depending on the version, I either couldnt care less about or just flat out dislike. I'd probably see his appeal more if I didn't have sibling trauma but a lot of people are capital f Freaks about him and Vash's relationship the fandom has an incest ship problem worse than Homestuck its fucking dire out here and thats one of the contributing reasons I do not like him. its kindof hard to explain his motivations without spoiling pretty much the whole plot but hes the main antagonist of the story and basically just. a grown ass man consistently and obsessively trying to get his brother to side with him even though he wants to Kill and Vash does Not

theres a bunch more characters but ive already been typing for an hour about this and if I dont quit while im ahead ill be here all night and forget to eat. I will frantically half-explain Trigun to anyone who will listen because im DESPERATE to get more people into it without spoiling too much right out the gate (though usually I get way too ahead of myself and end up spoiling it anyway). my trigun hyperfixation probably borders on unhealthy but fuck it we ball

[earnestly-endlessly]

hello! do you have any fics where erik and charles are childhood best friends now in a relationship?

Hi anon, thanks for the ask. There are a fair few fics where Charles and Erik are childhood best friends and are now in a relationship but there are actually more where they are childhood best friends and end up in a relationship in the fic. So, I decided to include those in this list since it kind of matches what you're looking for.

Childhood best friends now in a relationship

Work/Life Balance - pocky_slash

Summary: As teens, Charles was the star of a super popular tween/teen television show and Erik was his best friend. As adults, they're a frighteningly domestic married couple and Alex, Darwin, and Sean are Erik's nosy co-workers.

Some Forgotten Corner of the Universe - Black_Betty

Summary: Erik remembers the boy he met on Osiris.

Charles is no longer that boy, but that doesn't mean Erik loves him any less…

A Winter in New York - nextraordinaire

Summary: Charles and Erik have been childhood friends for as long as they can remember – Erik, living with his mother in Queens, and Charles in the big mansion in Westchester. For all, expect themselves, it was just natural progression that they'd end up together.

A series of ficlets from the same universe – can be read as separate and are out of chronological order.

A Very Cherik Sleepover – Penguina

Summary: When Erik invites Charles for one of their traditional sleepovers he doesn't expect it'll turn out that way. Instead of taking the upper bunk bed as usual, Charles decides to curl up in Erik's bed with Erik to keep them warm... However, it gets a little too hot.

Something in the way you move – BrightDream

Summary: Erik and Charles have been best friends for years now, but four months ago their relationship secretly became something more.

This means that when Erik's mom leaves them alone in the house, it's their chance to figure it out just what they can do to make each other feel good, even though there are some deep insecurities that might get in the way...-

Quiet Like a Fire - kianspo

Summary: Charles has been in love with his best friend for years without realizing it. When he finally figures it out, Erik is married to a wonderful woman and has an adorable daughter, who thinks the world of Charles. Erik has the perfect life that Charles helped him build, so there is only one thing for it - get over his feelings. So what if his methods are unhealthy or if Erik has an opinion on the matter? Charles is determined to do the right thing.

Love Story - Sophia_Bee

Summary: Charles and Erik are best friends, until they're not. A love story in three parts.

Curve Fitting - kianspo

Summary: The weird thing is, Charles always introduces Raven as his sister, but he never calls Erik his brother. Erik would be bothered, except he prefers not to think of Charles as his brother, either. He can’t figure it out for four years, and then suddenly he can.

Or. A non-powered AU in which Sharon Xavier never remarries, and Charles 'adopts' not only Raven, but Erik too.

Bad things happen when you mix siblings with spite - inazumaghostking

Summary: Erik is determined to fuck Charles.

Raven is determined to stop them.

a.k.a. a sibling fight ft. two gay boys, a concerned sister, and a closet

Did You See This, Erik! - Iggysassou

Summary: "What if Charles and Erik grew up together, Charles absolutely convinced that he was the one protecting Erik and being super proud of himself for it when in reality, Erik has always secretly protected him with his powers because Charles is simply the most adorable person on Earth."

Hot Cocoa Magic – nextraordinaire

Summary: Charles takes Erik out to the skating rink. Erik has never stood on a pair of skates in his life, but it'll be easy-peasy, right?

For Us Two – aliceecrivain

Summary: Erik is five years old the first time he meets Charles in the forest outside his new home and quickly discovers the other boy is more than he appears. Despite being accidental, the event defines the course of his life in ways he never could have expected.

The two boys grow up together, mutually braving the ups and downs of adolescence, and, over time, become inextricably attached. Initially intimidated by the limits the attachment puts on him, Erik yearns to break free in spite of his own feelings, but learns with time that the connection between them is not something he can live without.

Practical Cartography - pearl_o, pocky_slash

Summary: When Charles discovers how frustrated and self-conscious his best friend Erik is about his ignorance about sex, he's eager to volunteer to help teach him and practice. Charles might not have any more direct experience than Erik, but he does have a telepath's mind full of accidentally picked-up fantasies and memories, as well as knowledge of a few dirty books - and more importantly, he's been madly in love with Erik for years. This seems like a brilliant, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that he can't pass up.

Now he just needs to manage to keep his feelings in check, and not ruin their friendship forever.

A Kiss is Just a Kiss – Penguina

Summary: Charles Xavier has always been in Erik's life. However something always gets in the way of Erik actually realizing he has feelings for this adorable dork who was so obviously crushing on him since high school. Until one day, years after their first kiss, Erik finally understands what that feeling he always had for Charles really was! But is he too late? Did he miss his chance to tell Charles 'I love you'? It's been years and did Erik really think Charles would wait for him his entire life?

You and Me Against the World – madmalina

Summary: One important thing to remember: this is a love story.

Twenty years and two lifetimes later. Just two boys learning to mutant, grow up, and love each other.

Wicked Game - obstinatrix, seutedeern

Summary: Erik's reputation as a defender of the weak in elementary school isn't undeserved. He wouldn't have expected a Xavier to fall into that category, but it seems that other people don't see Charles the way Erik does, as a warm, lovely person who should be protected. As the years draw on, Charles and Erik become best friends, inseparable. Everything is perfect, platonically ideal, until it isn't.

Believe (One More Time) – luninosity

Summary: For the prompt, Charles and Erik dated during college and had a bitter break-up right before graduation. It's five years later and they both meet again at their class's reunion for a weekend. Someone was even stupid enough to have them room with each other for the weekend…

If We Met Differently – swoopswoop

Summary: Erik wasn't the only mutant 'taken in' by Shaw, Erik learns this the hard way when a new mutant is dropped into his cell. They manage to escape together, but things aren't all roses after that. Erik has a score to settle and needs to make sure Charles is safe.

With pulses that beat double – aesc, pearl_o

Summary: It has been thirteen years since Charles watched his beloved childhood companion walk out of his life. Now, in fin-de-siècle Paris, a chance overheard remark may lead them to each other's sides once more.

Change is Constant – Black_Betty

Summary: Erik and Charles knew each other in high school, might have even called themselves friends. At their ten year high school reunion, Erik realizes how much has changed.

There is No Future Without You – EnchantedPhoenix

Summary: Charles and Erik were friends when they were children - Until certain circumstances tore them apart. Many years later, when Erik moves to England so that he can study at Oxford University, he certainly doesn't expect to run into his childhood friend again. In fact, he doesn't expect any of the events that follow.

The Cost of a Good Man – archipelago (arcanewriter)

Summary: Erik and his mother flee Europe before the advent of the war to live on the Xavier estate. Charles never questions their good fortune, or his own.

[animeyanderelover]

A bittersweet idea. As he is dying Itachi makes Sasuke promise to him that he'd looks after Itachi's darling wellbeing. After some time passes when the darling tags along with him and Team Taka, Sasuke starts developing feelings for them.

This is so sad😭. Itachi really is a sweetheart, to think about that he even moments before his death only had his darling’s safety in mind...

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, protective behavior, angsty stuff

Sasuke promising to take care of Itachi’s s/o

💙🍡I think there’s a chance that Sasuke knows Itachi’s darling personally if we assume that they’re from the Leaf Village just like he is. In that case Itachi took them after he massacred his whole clan and then it’s also very likely that the darling and Sasuke had a very close relationship before since the darling functioned probably as a second mother for Sasuke who had been always somewhat neglected by his parents for Itachi. I also think that in this case Sasuke might have had an easier time to give this promise to Itachi when knowing them beforehand and having good memories with them.

💙🍡There are plenty of reasons why Itachi made Sasuke promise him this. He’s still a highly ranked criminal and so far always was there to protect you, but in death he won’t be able to do this anymore. But he knows that there’s still the danger that people will use you and use you as either a bait when not knowing that he’s dead yet or make you pay for his crimes. If we go with the theory that you and Sasuke know each other then he might have done it as well to bring Sasuke a bit joy back.

💙🍡Sasuke was completely devastated after finding out what happened to his brother and if there were ever any doubts about not keeping the promise to his deceased brother they were completely erased now, Sasuke hoping to find some answers to questions he didn’t even fully knew himself from you. But he was also interested in you himself. If we go with the scenario where he knew you since he had been little and had a close relationship to you he’ll also want to see you again since he missed you after you disappeared, people either assuming that due to how close you and Itachi were tha you had either left with him or had been kidnapped. And how much Sasuke had secretly always hoped that it was the latter.

💙🍡You had already been prepared for this, not being really surprised when Sasuke suddenly appeared in the small house you were kept in. Itachi had already informed you that he would die and ask his brother to take care of you. You were curious to meet him since Itachi often talked about him, or if you knew him since he had been a baby, were on the one hand glad you see him again. On the other hand it might have been a new layer of heartache for you to see how devastated he was and how bitter he had seemed to become.

💙🍡One thing stays the same, no matter if you knew him before or not. You were also deeply saddened over Itachi’s death and tried to comfort his brother. I feel like since Sasuke doesn’t like showing emotional weakness he would accept your help and comfort in this case more, especially if he knew you beforehand.

💙🍡I suppose that if you were a ninja before, doesn’t matter if you’re from the Leaf or somewhere else, Itachi most likely trained you so you would be able to defend yourself in the worst case scenario and Sasuke will most likely continue training you. He would be a lot stricter on you than his brother would be.

💙🍡The one thing that made Sasuke most likely fall for him is the fact that you didn’t hate him for what he’s done and also, despite saying openly that you didn’t think destroying a whole village would be right, never really tried stopping him. But at the same time you also lectured him when he did something stupid and hurt himself, kind of like a mother with a reckless child. You understood him and when with you Sasuke was also able to show a bit more openly about his feelings and his pain which was a bigger relief than he had expected. But it felt good to finally let some of his pent-up emotions out.

💙🍡He wanted to know more about you and how life had been with Itachi. And you told him everything he wanted to know, from the moment Itachi had kidnapped you to the moment he had left you and told you it would be his last time that you would see him. And I think that added most likely only more pain on Sasuke, hearing how wrong he and everyone else had really been about Itachi. And you knew that the best.

💙🍡I feel like if Sasuke knew you before he would develop feelings a bit easier for you since he still had his old attachment for you deep inside of him and seeing you taking care of him again and helping him despite him protesting caused his heart to flutter in his chest. But in this scenario he might be not only a bit confused because he knows that he’s in love with his brother’s darling, but also because you were for him always like a second mother.

💙🍡It’s almost ironic for him to know that he’s madly in love with Itachi’s darling, making him wonder if Itachi knew that this might happen. I also believe that his selfishness wouldn’t be as strong as normally since he feels somewhat bad. You’re his brother’s darling. He doesn’t want to destroy this. But I also believe that the more he would think about it, the more he would start believing that Itachi did this all on purpose and that it’s his job now to take care of you.

💙🍡I discovered an amazing thought whilst thinking about this. I think it’s very possible that Sasuke will treat you a lot better as if you would be just any other person. You understand him, share the same pain with him, genuinely care for him. But the biggest part for him would be that the knowledge that you’re his brother’s darling would be always present in his mind and he knows that his brother cherished you most so he feels like he shouldn’t go too rough on you.

💙🍡Expect him to keep you all the time away from Suigetsu, who constantly wants to flirt with you and touch you to see Sasuke annoyed, and a jealous Karin, who constantly looks at you with a somewhat degrading look and wants Sasuke’s attention for herself. Jugo might be sometimes allowed next to you, but since he has his anger issues Sasuke wouldn’t let that happen too often. So overall you’ll stay with him all the time and everyone in the team will often be harshly lectured from him to stay away from you and makes it clear that he won’t hesitate to hurt them if they hurt you. Or flirt with you. I can see Suigetsu teasing him a lot for this since he didn’t knew Sasuke was such a softie which lead lead to a less present experience. Sasuke would honestly not know whether to hate him or Karin more who constantly talks down on you and might even insult you directly which doesn’t go well with Sasuke.

💙🍡Itachi’s overprotectiveness is in a sense inherited by him and mixed with his paranoia it makes a not very pretty mix. Sasuke is possessive and that is only fueled by the promise he made to Itachi. He has to be the one to protect you. He has to be the one to take care of you. He has to be the one in your life. On the other hand you’re also the only one who can understand him the best and are also the only one who’s allowed to lecture him a bit if he hurt himself. If we’re going with the theory that he knew you since his youngest days he would feel comforted to know that you never wanted to leave him and are now back for him.

💙🍡Additional thought: I think that after Itachi was brought back with Edo Tensei and he and Sasuke teamed up to defeat Kabuto, Sasuke told him about his new feelings for you. And I don’t see Itachi being angry, instead telling him that as long as you and him were happy he was happy as well. And I can also see Sasuke feeling for the first time a bit guilty for falling for his brother’s love. But in the end he would just feel more determined to keep his promise to his brother and protect you. Overall we can say that Itachi made your life with Sasuke a whole lot easier.

[missmentelle]

TW Suicide Attempt

Hey, I don't know who else to ask. I'm seeing a new therapist and I want to start fresh. I'm particularly haunted by my last relationship, and I'm not sure if I was abused, but I'd like to mention it to my therapist first if I was.

My ex started out normal, but after a while he asked me to delete pics with my exes. I thought nothing of it, because I didn't care if I had the pictures or not. I also used to be a model, and he asked me to delete nudes, and I did. Then he said I should stop modeling, and I agreed, even though I wanted to model. And then he made me take down non-nude modeling photos, and made me delete them off my hard drive. And would get mad if they were on a USB that I forgot to check, or if some were online because photographers didn't want to take them down (as was their right per our contracts). He'd stress me out, tell me to talk to everyone who had my pictures, etc. Then he asked me to throw out things that were my exes (presents, stuff that was theirs originally but they gave me, my stuff that I had left over at their houses), and after that, all my modeling clothes and prints. I didn't want to and we got into a huge fight. I generally don't raise my voice at all (actually I speak so low most people have trouble hearing me), but I did that time and every time it came up until I finally threw everything out. And then one day I found a sex toy his ex had left over (she had left over all her stuff and never picked it up, but he swore he'd thrown everything out), and I flipped out because it was in the nightstand we shared, just buried under stuff. And I felt gross and used, and well, he made me throw out all my exes stuff, even silly stuff that had no feelings attached and was just nice to have. And we had a big fight. We used to fight a lot at first, and it's all blurry, I just remember once he pinned me down, and choked me so I wouldn't leave, so the next time when I wanted to leave, I hit him with a perfume bottle (he was fine, didn't even get a bruise or anything).

And after he agreed to move to another place (a neutral location), things kind of calmed down, although we did fight once and neighbours heard. I don't know what to think because everyone says I abused him, and his family even blocked me after the break up.

Everyone thought I was unfair and treated him badly. I definitely don't see that, but I'm not sure if he abused me or not.

Most of the time I complied because I didn't have any place else to go, and didn't want to be homeless. When he broke up with me I attempted suicide and ended up hospitalized and later homeless anyway.

We had some happy times though, bug I just don't know what to think. I just feel weird and haunted and anxious after this relationship, and I'm scared to ever be in one again.

Oh, and I'm the anon who just asked if maybe I was abused by my ex. I forgot to say he didn't want to go to my parents house because he knew one of my exes stayed over when I was alone, and he didn't want me to go visit them often.

He also made me cut out everyone on my life who I ever dated, kissed/made out with, or had a crush on.

And he'd get mad if my family displayed my model photos, or photos with a vintage family dress that I wore as a model in a photoshoot with my ex.

He'd also complain if I made plans with friends, because I was going to spend too much money, or stay out too late, or walk home late at night (which I did frequently before).

He was abused by his previous girlfriend (or at least that's what he told me, he said I could look at the messages between them if I wanted, but I refused).

He also made me throw out my favorite top because he knew it's what I was wearing the last time I had sex with my ex before him (we were friends before and I told him, and he had seen me that night, so he knew what I was wearing, and it was a very very specific top).

For starters, I need you to know that what you’ve described is an extremely abusive relationship, not just a “possibly” abusive relationship, and I think it’s important for you to know exactly why that is:

He got violent with you. This alone is enough to make the relationship dangerously and severely abusive. Your ex pinned you down and choked you when you tried to walk away from an encounter. That’s an actual felony; people do prison time for that. Choking is a particularly dangerous form of abuse - he could have very easily killed you or caused some permanent damage. 

He couldn’t handle the fact that you had exes, and he dealt with it in the least healthy way possible. Your ex-partner’s obsession with your exes was beyond unhealthy. Forcing you to throw out perfectly good clothing or non-sentimental items because they had some association with your ex is unhinged. In a healthy relationship, both people understand that their partner is not with their ex anymore, and trust that the other person isn’t going to fall madly in love with their ex again just by using a toaster that the ex once used to make breakfast. Being able to cope with the fact that your partner once loved and had sex with someone else is a bare minimum requirement for a healthy adult relationship. No exceptions. It seems clear that you were never going to reach a point where he felt you’d done “enough” to purge your exes from your life - he was going to keep obsessing and keep whittling away at your life, without ever being satisfied that you were truly “his”. 

He was dangerously jealous. The level of jealousy that your ex showed was abusive, and potentially life-threatening. As I’ve already mentioned, it’s not normal for a partner to be fixated that hard on a partner’s ex. It’s also alarming that he was so obsessed with the fact that revealing photos of you might exist somewhere. You are allowed to have photos of yourself on your own hard drive, nude or otherwise. That’s your fucking business. You don’t have to justify keeping those photos - no one has a right to tell you to delete them. Not even a partner. You did nothing wrong here. It sounds like he couldn’t handle the fact that other men found you attractive, and he decided to punish you for it. That’s not okay. 

He was controlling. In a healthy relationship, you are allowed to wear what you want. You are allowed to decide which possessions you want to keep - even if that includes hanging onto old gifts from an ex. You are allowed to meet with friends, spend your money, and stay out late sometimes if you want to. You are allowed to model if you want to, and you are allowed to have photos of yourself on your own personal devices and give others the right to use and display those photos. It’s a bare minimum requirement that a partner treat you like an adult and respect your choices, even if they don’t always agree with them. The level of control that your ex tried to have over your life was absolutely unacceptable, and it was abusive. 

He intentionally sabotaged your career. You had a career as a model, and you enjoyed doing it. He made you stop. That’s not acceptable. Your partner couldn’t handle his own jealousy and insecurities, so he made you stop doing something that you were good at, something you did professionally. That’s another form of control, and it’s abusive. In a healthy relationship, partners support one another’s careers and passions. They don’t intentionally derail the other person for their own selfish reasons. He had no right to tell you to stop modelling, and he had no right to demand that you delete the products of your work. 

He socially isolated you. He kept you away from your friends and controlled how often you could see them. It sounds like he might have intentionally turned some of your loved ones against you. That’s a common tactic of abusers. When you are cut off from friends - or when they are no longer on your side - it’s harder for you to leave the relationship, because you no longer have someone to turn to for help leaving. In a healthy relationship, your partner encourages you to have friends and to make them a priority in your life. 

He made you responsible for his emotions, and held you to a double standard. Whenever HE was upset, YOU had to drastically change your life to suit his feelings. When YOU were upset at finding his ex’s sex toy in the nightstand, he got angry with you for being upset - he didn’t make changes to his life for your comfort, but expected you to do it for him. That’s not okay. A partner who is unwilling to take responsibility for their own emotions is a dangerous partner - and sure enough, he turned violent when you got upset with him. A healthy partner recognizes that their emotions are their responsibility, and they deal with their insecurities without taking it out on their partner. 

He trapped you in a situation where you could never win. Your abusive ex was fixated on things that you could never change - the fact that you had exes, the fact that you modelled, the fact that other people had old modelling shots of you. There was no way for you to ever change those things; you couldn’t go back in time and un-date your exes. So he just kept holding those things over your head, forever. He found a way to keep you in check by permanently trying to hold you accountable for things you did in the past that could never be changed. He made sure he always had the moral upper hand in the relationship, as a way to keep you down. 

Moving forward, I think it’s important for you to understand that you didn’t do anything wrong here. You are allowed to have exes. You are allowed to own things that you exes once touched. You are allowed to model. You are allowed to have photos of yourself. None of those things make you a bad person or a bad partner, and you should never have to apologize for any of them. If your ex had a problem with any of those things (and he clearly did), it was his responsibility to either deal with those issues on his own, or leave the relationship if he knew he couldn’t handle it. He did not have the right to stay and mistreat you. This is on him, not you, and there is absolutely no excuse for what he did. 

Whether or not your ex was abused by his ex-girlfriend is irrelevant here. It might not even be true - many abusers feel intensely victimized when their actual victims resist their control, and it’s very common for abusers to falsely claim that they were “abused” by the partners they terrorized. But even if it is true, it doesn’t matter. It’s not an excuse. There are no excuses for abuse - not mental illness, not addiction, not “anger issues”, nothing. There are no “get-out-of-being-a-good-partner FREE” cards. If someone is in a place where they are at risk of harming their partner, it’s up to them to get therapy and to avoid relationships until they are prepared for a healthy one. 

I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to a professional about what you experienced. If possible, look for a therapist who specializes in helping survivors of domestic violence. If you don’t have access to a therapist, contact a domestic violence agency or hotline, and see if they can find you some resources for free or affordable counselling. A professional can help you unpack what you experienced, work through the trauma, reach a deep understanding of how relationships should function, and prepare to move forward with healthier boundaries and self-esteem. 

You can also find online support groups for survivors of domestic violence - these groups can help you connect with other people who have had similar experiences and understand what you’ve been through. It can be a great place to get support from others and share advice for working through it. You can look for groups through Google, or on social media platforms like Facebook and Reddit. 

It’s also okay if you need to take some time - or a lot of time - to work through this before you feel comfortable dating again. That’s normal. That’s okay. Focus on building a life that is comfortable for you. If you want to return to modelling, that’s an option you can explore. You could pick up some new hobbies, look at going back to school, or reconnect with the friends who’ve been supportive of you through this. Some people find that art or journalling can be useful for working through these feelings - you could give that a try. Spend some time focusing on rebuilding your self-esteem and comfort in your own skin, and don’t feel pressure to start dating again until you feel ready.  Best of luck to you, MM

[dangermousie]

2019 END OF YEAR KDrama Post

Wow, I haven’t made one in years. This is going to involve only dramas that came out in 2019 because I watched a hell of a lot dramas made prior to that and trying to figure out which ones will give me a headache.

DRAMAS WATCHED (In order of liking from most to least as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen at least two eps AND feel it was enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

Extraordinary You -  A philosophy and religion course AND a love story, and perfect at both.

My Country - a brutal, passionate, intense masterpiece of a sageuk. This is how they should be.

Crash Landing On You - the two eps that have aired brought my joy in watching kdramas back to me so vividly. This is everything. 

Encounter - the perfect noona romance of the year for me. It seems to have little plot (powerful older woman, idealistic younger man) but the characters made me love them with an unhealthy amount of attachment and the mood is just perfect. 

Haechi - smart traditional sageuk with a heart. This one will make you love it but also respect it in the morning :)

Queen: Love and War - Period, romance, mystery, helpless king and feisty heroine. It’s everything I love in one package. 

Chocolate - if, like me, you like slow old-school melo with genuine grown-ups, this one is for you. Ha Ji Won and Yoon Kye Sang are both incandescent in this. 

One Spring Night - a rare slice of life that worked for me so so much. I rooted for the main OTP like crazy (I did skip all the sister stuff though because boring to me.) It’s just a breath of fresh air.

The Tale of Nokdu - a rare funny youth sageuk that worked for me (except, ironically, for when they tried to be politics-heavy and serious about it.) Wonderful OTP, funny situations and just generally a delight. 

Memories of the Alhambra - I can hear people screaming that I put this so high, but this is a faves ranking, not objective one, and I loved the unusual premise (it ultimately fell apart but it tried), and Hyun Bin’s performance was out of this world and the aaaaagnst and I enjoyed waiting for it each week until almost the end. That ending though!!!!!

Psychopath Diary - this is black comedy at its best and hysterical and smart and somehow got me invested in the hapless protagonist. 

Hotel del Luna - clever and funny and smart. Hong Sisters largely back to form. I found the sageuk parts more engaging than modern ones, but what else is new.

Search WWW - some parts of it worked for me more than others, but it had solid writing and cool characters and some interesting OTP(s). 

Love is Beautiful Life is Wonderful - has the weekend drama slowness but it lovely and fun. 

When the Camellia Blooms - it was well made and the OTP was great and the acting top notch, I just don’t tend to go gaga for slice of life dramas, especially ones involving market ladies, much. 

Flower Crew Joseon Marriage Agency - competently done, pretty period piece about nothing. It was enjoyable and forgettable at once.

Catch the Ghost - I put it as high as I did because the OTP really did have lovely chemistry but the story was a complete mess, the police work made no sense and the heroine’s character was like nails on a chalkboard for me.

Joseon Survival - I got about four episodes in and liked it a lot but then Kang Ji Hwan turned out to be a convicted rapist, they replaced the lead and I didn’t go back. I kind of want to because I liked what I saw and I am madly curious as to whether they changed the main character or just said he had a different face now, no explanation. 

The Last Empress - pure inconsistent trash but so entertaining!

Vagabond - I made it eight episodes in before I realized that I would have as much fun staring at traffic. It’s a competently done actioner but without more, actioners never work for me, so this was a viewer/drama mismatch.

Arthdal  Chronicles - incoherent, visually odd and boring, this is arguably the worst drama this year but I am giving it higher place because the cast really tries (even if it tends to fail because it has nothing to work with) and because it attempted something different even if it failed spectacularly. SO BAD.

Melting Me Softly - yes, my brain was fully melted by this soulless, charmless waste of Ji Chang Wook and my limited free time.

VIP - Any drama that makes the main mystery and thrust of the story who the husband cheated on his wife with is BORING. Seriously, this is not exactly Hercule Poirot. They wasted their cast - I have NO idea why Lee Sang Yoon agreed to be in this as a one note character and Jang Nara is playing a second scorned wife in a row but without even the entertainment value of her previous outing.

Abyss - aptly named. The best thing I can say about it is it didn’t offend me but oh boy was it dull.

Absolute Boyfriend - I loved the manga but it’s time to accept this can never be adapted well. They wasted the cast and that ending was just an insult on top of a trash heap.

The Lies Within - you cast that cast and deliberately have no romance. You are dead to me. 

Woman of 9.9 Billion - competently made, but it’s everything I dislike - dour unpleasant bored people behaving as if they are in a particularly dreary art-house French movie but without any nuance or interest the latter came provide. 

Love with Flaws - shrill, dumb, neither acted nor written by anyone trying at all. 

Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung - objectively, it’s not the worst drama on the list, but it’s everything I hate in one package - willfully ahistorical but not cleverly so, male lead incapable of acting, the characters so one-dimensional they disappear, this purports to be a period drama but about as period as a space ship. God, I loathed this. 

FAVORITE DRAMA

Extraordinary You - smart (so mind-bendingly smart) and moving and totally unpredictable and with so many things to say about free will and religion and self and nature of memory and narrative, this had an insane impossible premise and yet somehow managed to do it full justice and stick the landing. 

WORST DRAMA

People with Flaws - this is different from least favorite because even if I loathed e.g., Rookie Historian or Woman of 9.9 Billion, I recognized some positive features; it’s just certain things really rubbed me the wrong way due to personal preferences. But this shrill hot mess of a drama is really everything that’s wrong with dramaworld.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Prince Yeoning, Haechi - fiercely smart, strong, tormented by the duality of his birth (royal father, servant mother) but not letting this distract him from his purpose, loyal to the bone, and with integrity nothing can shake but where you can feel that it’s not easy and that it costs him.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Eun Dan Oh, Extraordinary You - a go-getter who remakes the world (literally); smart, cheerful, strong, beautifully human. She feels so real and yet is larger than anything around her. 

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Yi Seung Gye, My Country - a sociopath destroying lives in his quest for power and control, even the destruction of his own family barely gives him anything but momentary pause. He is the reason for the tragedy of MC. 

FAVORITE SHIP

Eun Dan Oh x Haru, Extraordinary You - their love is literally universe and god-defying. They have loved each other as different people in three separate worlds (and counting), and have defied loss of memory and even loss of self as well as death, the end of worlds, and their god and the narrative and literally anything and everything, to be together.

Runner Up: Soo Hyun x Jin Hyuk, Encounter: tender and decent and his bringing her back to vivid life and the way they love and support and compliment each other.  

Probably gonna be on list if doesn’t go haywire: Crash Landing on You: she is a SK heiress, he’s a NK officer, they have mad chemistry and so much potential.

NOTP:

Tae Mi x Morgan, Search WWW - love the actors, love the chemistry, love the characters in terms of the way they are written, but they are absolutely wrong for each other and there is no future of any sort but misery ahead. None of their issues are resolved but are swept under the rug. It’s a cautionary tale, not a romance. I did a long rant before so not repeating. 

BEST SECONDARY OTP

Scarlett x Ji Hwan, Search WWW - they stole the shippiness in the drama for me. Cooky and adorable and noona romance done right.

FAVORITE SCENE

Haru’s final disappearance, Extraordinary You - the lights start to go out, the world literally dissolving, Eun Oh and Haru clinging to each other, with his telling her she was his beginning and the end. His name, the one she gave him, is the last thing he hears. In a drama full of amazing scenes the very gist of which was defying the very creator and universe and meaning of existence, this was the one that stayed with me the most.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Seo Hwi, My Country - I have a thing for deeply honorable, deeply tortured period badasses with long hair and a death wish (see Choi Young in Faith etc.)

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Yi Bang Won, My Country - he started out as an antihero and ended up as arguably a tragic villain (or maybe still an anti-hero) but oh boy, was he magnetic and fascinating and sucking out all the oxygen whenever he was in the scene.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Memories of the Alhambra - WTF ending was that?! All that misery and no real resolution?! Dammit!

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Youth Sageuk - I hate most of them! They are anachronistic and dumb and honestly, what is the point of having fully modern people in period clothes? Just make a modern show and call it a day.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Melting Me Softly - Ji Chang Wook’s first project back from the military was an unfunny, unmoving, pointless mess with not an ounce of genuine enjoyment despite the excellent pedigree of everyone involved in front and behind the camera.

Arthdal Chronicles - the makers made excellent Queen Seon Duk, Tree with Deep Roots and Six Flying Dragons. The cast was uniformly A grade. The result was an open-ended, boring, incoherent mess that looks like a bad sort of a drug trip and made about as much sense. 

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

Extraordinary You - I had zero interest in yet another high school drama with no actors I recognized. By the end, EY was an emotional brainy twister of a marvel that became my favorite drama of all time. I’ve been watching dramas for over 13 years so that’s saying something.

2019 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

The Crowned Clown - I love sageuks and cast and it looks so smart and emotional

Angel’s Last Mission: Love - my next contemporary - I watched a little and loved what I saw

Fates and Furies - I saw a few eps and classic melo is so up my alley.

Clean with a Passion for Now - I like the cast and it’s a year of falling for hot weird bosses apparently.

Graceful Family - I love makjang and Im Soo Jung.

The Secret Life of My Secretary - downmarket Beauty Inside and I loved BI.

Love Affairs in the Afternoon - artsy adultery FTW

Item - I don’t like crime stuff but I am here for Joo Ji Hoon.

My Strange Hero - seems a little cooky but I am fond of Yoo Seung Ho.

MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2020

King: the Eternal Monarch - Lee Min Ho and Woo Do Hwan and parallel worlds and written by Kim Eun Suk. Yes Please.

I should probably make one for cdramas too though that one would be rather shorter.

[teyrnacousland]

Anders Has BPD: a List of Things by Me

Using mostly examples from DAA because DA2 has some Concerning “mental illness is just like ~possession~” type nonsense going on and I don’t want to wade through that. Here we go!

He's hyper empathetic. In the wending woods when he realizes people are dying for nothing and he's just so upset (his tone reminds me of how I feel whenever I accidentally watch/read Bad Things in the news), in Amaranthine he’s absolutely distraught at the thought of leaving even one person behind to die, he risked his freedom to save the life of some Bann when he was 12 years old and freshly escaped and really should have been laying low, pretty much any time someone is hurting he's literally desperate to help them

---Except when it's people who Don't Count. He has zero sympathy for Templars, even joking about the one Templar dying. And he says some pretty awful things to Fenris and Merrill, even when the latter is dealing with something horrible. He’s very black and white about this. Speaking of...

Black and white thinking. Anders is all about Good and Bad. Spirits are Good, demons are Bad. Mages are Good, Templars are Bad. Justice is Good, anger is Bad. Andraste is Good, the Chantry is Bad (he's Andrastian, but even in Awakening he approves of stealing from the Chantry and disapproves of helping it). Saving people is Good, burning a city to the ground is Bad (fun fact, Anders is the only companion who doesn’t approve of that no matter what you say. The others can be convinced. Not Anders. He can just be convinced to give in and accept it, never to agree.) 

---He sorts people he meets into Good or Bad categories too. There is no in between, although there are more extreme versions of the Good box, which are the “I know I just met you but I’m at least 50% madly in love with you” box and the “I would literally die for you, you are the definition of perfection and you can do no wrong” box). 

---Velanna: fellow mage friend, Good. Merrill: Blood mage, demons, Bad. Bethany: mage, related to Hawke, Good. Aveline: guard, married a Templar, Bad.

---I can’t think of an in game example of him splitting (going from total idealization to total  with anyone, but he absolutely would and does trust me I’m an expert. He’s absolutely the type of person who will instantly stop being friends with someone if they make fun of his cat, or if they make One insensitive joke he doesn’t like, or talk to him with the Wrong Tone.

Extreme emotions. When Anders is angry he’s ready to rip apart a half dozen Templars with his bare hands. When he’s happy there are no problems in the world and everything is perfect because he’s free and there’s pie here. (Long term plans? What do you mean long term plans? Things are fine right now?). When he’s sad (which we don’t see so much in Awakening because he’s on an up swing) he’s miserable and hopeless and hides away in his room for weeks on end because there’s literally no point to anything. When he’s in love he’s so in love. (When he’s with Karl he doesn’t even try to escape the Circle, because the Circle and all of its horrors are suddenly bearable because he has Karl. When he loves Hawke, he sees Hawke as perfect and can do no wrong, and Justice is even annoyed by this (at least at first) and sees Hawke as a distraction because Anders can’t stop thinking about them literally all the time). 

Impulsive. He is definitely impulsive. He came back to help you fight an army of darkspawn that just took out every warden and Soldier in the place because he just... wanted to help. You find him hiding around the corner from them because he was likely forced to realize he has no idea what he’s actually planning on doing. Then he agrees to join the Wardens without thinking about it at all. Then he starts a conversation with someone he barely knows by basically saying "So, Jesus is pretty fuckable, huh". The man has no filter or impulse control. 

---He impulsively overshares too. You can tell from the way he answers questions in dialogue and banter that he’d rather joke and deflect than answer personal questions honestly. And yet within like a week of meeting you he’s told you about how he’s run away from the Circle seven times and they kept him in solitary for a year once. One of the first things he says to you is that this Templar used to call him inhuman and that the Templars kick him in the head to wake him up sometimes. And you cannot convince me that any neurotypical person starts a conversation with a complete stranger with “hi, I’ve been abused for most of my life, what’s your name?”

---At least some of his Circle escapes/attempts were likely impulsive. The epilogue says he ran away from the Keep several times but came back which to me implies it’s become one of those “I feel restless and am about to do something impulsive and stupid” things

---One time when he ran away from the Circle he went to Denerim and had an orgy with a pirate

---Even joining with Justice was pretty impulsive and risky tbh. Neither of them really knew what would happen.

Anger. He’s often at least bitter and sarcastic whenever anything even slightly bad happens. If you say something that upsets him or even just reminds him of something that upsets him he either makes a sarcastic quip and gets distant and withdrawn, or he goes into a full on angry rant. Anders was super angry in DAA, and expresses it even in situations where he probably shouldn’t (snarking at the Templar who just said she wants to see him executed, at you (his boss and the only reason he’s not in the Circle or dead right now) even at the beginning when he barely knows you and can’t know how you’ll react to that, etc) like he just can’t hold it in. This anger often comes on pretty suddenly and often vanishes just as fast. 

Gets attached to people so fast. He latches onto Velanna literally as soon as you meet her (he approves of both helping her and recruiting her) and at that point all he knows about her is she’s an attractive angry elven mage who tried to use magic trees to kill you. His banters with her imply it’s at least partly if not mostly because she's a fellow mage (he wants to talk about magic with her!) Also in their banters, he’s more open with her. Nathaniel asks him how the Templars find him and he just snaps “incredibly angry, that’s how” but when Velanna asks about his escapes he tells her that they found him with his phylactery. I’m pretty sure Velanna is the only person he ever actually apologizes to for making a joke to (”(chuckes) I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”). And again, she’s not even very nice to him. He’s attached to her and sees himself as closer to her even when that doesn’t seem to be reciprocated to that level. (He also does this with Hawke in DA2, where he’ll be in love with you even if you’re absolute shit to him.) 

---He gets pretty attached to you (the Warden-Commander) pretty quickly too. 

---Anders is the "he held open a door for me once and smiled at me so now I'm planning our wedding" kind of guy, I think he’s had a bit of a crush on all of your companions at some point tbh (For sure Nate and Velanna and you, and Justice, and probably Sigrun too).

---He falls in love with Hawke almost as soon as they meet too, even if you're horrible and mean to him (Hawke is his FP just saying)(I don’t mean that in a good way I mean it in an unhealthy way that he and Hawke would have to learn to talk through and fix)

Fear of abandonment, absolutely. That’s probably one of the reasons he runs from Vigil’s Keep in the epilogue. Everything’s just too good, it can’t last, something’s going to go wrong and so he might as well be the one to leave because the more he likes it there and likes the people there the worse it would be to lose it all. 

---He keeps people at a distance and acts as charming and endearing as he can, probably curses himself whenever he slips and is honest with people (which is pretty often, see impulsive oversharing) because he wants people to like him and not leave him. 

---(This is why he does the charming thing less in DA2, I think. Because he has Justice. Justice won’t leave him and Justice is always in his head thinking and believing that Anders is good whether people like him or not, and those thoughts are in Anders’ head so they’re calming these fears like subconsciously, if that makes sense?)

Lack of/unstable sense of personal identity. He has no connection to his name as seen by how he just accepted this random nickname as his name from then on, which isn't strictly a BPD thing but it is a feeling I’ve seen a lot of people with BPD relate to. 

---He doesn't really know what he wants to do because he doesn't really know who he is aside from the Circle mage who keeps escaping. If he's not the runaway mage then what is he? 

---And in DA2 he has trouble distinguishing between himself and Justice whereas Justice doesn't seem to have that problem as much (in the Fade it's always very clear when it's Justice vs Anders speaking, because Justice is in control and Justice has a better idea of who's who)

Anyways yeah, Anders has BPD, thanks for coming to my TED Talk. 

[summernight127]

Do You Miss Me Too? | k.dy

Pairing: Doyoung x Gender Neutral!Reader

Genre: angsty from start to finish 😔

Warnings: kinda manipulative tendencies

DISCLAIMER!!!: there are some mentions of a mildly toxic relationship, so if you're not comfortable with that kind of stuff, please skip ahead. I do NOT encourage this kind of relationship and think it's really unhealthy for all the people involved. my work does not reflect my actual beliefs and morals.

Word Count: 1k

Requested

A/N: last angsty request for now, my angst fics don't get as much attention anyways so ㅠ

His harsh words were constantly in the back of your head. Just the thought of the endless yelling sent shivers down your spine. You wanted to believe that it was just another nightmare, but when you woke up with no one by your side you slowly came to face the unpleasant reality.

You couldn't even recall how the whole fight started, which only made you drown in regret and sadness even more. You escaped every thought that made you blame him in any way, but it always came down to that. Were you a bad person for having these kind of thoughts? Must you blame yourself endlessly?

It has been just a bit over a week since he left and you haven't received a single call from him, not even a message. Many people are starting to tell you that he obviously didn't love you that much since he did not hesitate to leave once he saw the opportunity. None of those talks made you feel any better. You still wanted to believe that you two were madly in love.

You still hadn't lost hope that he will soon run into your arms again, muttering about how much he missed you, when you finally got a message from him. Seeing his name pop on your screen still made your heart leap foolishly, but his message only shattered it into pieces. It was a short message, suggesting that you two take a break for a while. How could he say that? What kind of person is he that when facing the first hardships he books it to the door, ready to give up?

You wished that it wouldn't had affected you so much, but you would be lying if you said that it didn't. You cried for a while, wondering why would a a boy make you feel so miserable. A boy that could be easily replaced. But you didn't care, he was your boy and you wanted him. You regret getting so attached to him, feeling like you didn't even know how to live on your own now.

Even though you suffered a lot and even though it felt like an eternity, you thought you were finally getting better. Not even the closest people knew what you were really going through. It was better that they didn't know. They would once again jump to conclusions, talking badly about him, but probably blaming you behind your back. You didn't need that kind of negativity at the moment.

Maybe it was the summer sun that would rise earlier and shine brighter now, or maybe it was all your favorite snacks you had eaten lately, that made you feel like you could smile more freely now. Something made you feel like you could live again.

At one night, when you were feeling restless, you kept pacing around the place, looking for anything to do. Whether it was switching through the nightly programs on the TV, or thinking about cooking and eventually settling for a lighter snack, you were looking for anything that could tire you out at that ungodly hour.

It was just a little after 3 am when you were just about to head back to your room, when you heard a faint knock on the door, your heart almost jumping out of your chest because of it. Who in their right mind would visit you at that time? Did they see the lights shining through your window? Were they watching you for a while now? Although scared, you went to look through the peephole, trying to be as quiet as you possibly could.

You squinted an eye, looking through the peephole. The only thing you could see was the persons dark hair, but even that was enough for you to identify who this person was. You've seen that sight way too often and it was nearly impossible not to recognize it. Your hand was quivering over the door knob, not sure whether to open the door or not. It was creepy enough that there was someone at your door past midnight, but it was someone you knew well.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard a knock again, you quickly reached to unlock the door and opening it ever so slightly. You peeked through the small gap, making unwanted eye contact with the person on the other side. He was barely looking up at you, his head hanging low.

“Can I come in for a second?” He spoke up soon, his voice quiet yet assertive. You had no choice but to open the door for him to enter. As he passed by you, you could feel the faint, but unpleasant odor of booze coming from the male.

And there he was, standing right in front of you. You could sense that he wasn't going to say anything, rather just stare at you blankly so it was the time for you to speak: “Doyoung, what are you doing here. It's late.”

You expected a response from him, but instead he just sighed heavily, almost mockingly. He could just say what was on his mind so the awkward conversation would end sooner, but he didn't. Neither did you. You two stood in complete silence for a moment before he reached out his arms to wrap them around your waist, pressing your body close to his own.

“I missed you, Y/N. I really thought you would come back to me.” Doyoung muttered, resting his head against your forehead, visibly staring right down at you.

His words suddenly sent a weird tingly sensation to your knees, as if you were waiting to hear those words from him and then you finally did. All the confidence you had gained during the time of his absence suddenly flew out of the window. The thoughts of being worthless without him by your side, once again flooded your mind and you wanted to apologise to him, although there wasn't really a reason for you to do so.

You kept quiet as you slowly lowered your head until your cheek was met with Doyoung's buff chest. It seemed as if he understood that you weren't in the mood to talk at the moment, and wouldn't be anytime soon, so he just assumed he was almost forgiven at that point.

Oh, how you hated the way you suddenly became so vulnerable the second he stepped over your doorstep, but your heart still ached to be warmed and filled by Doyoung's sweet words and affection, even if it was only temporary and not at all genuine. 

[golden-priestess]

1

Mun talking: it’s Munday, so I’ll try to answer the best I can at:

‘’What makes you the most emotional about your muse?’’

It’ll be hard since, for me, it’s less easier to express myself through words. I’m better at drawing, I hope I can come up with a satisfying answer.

If I had to shorten my answer the most I can, I’d say that her design and the whole story behind the Jambastion Mages, including Hyness, fascinates me. I won’t lie, I think Kirby: Star Allies is the best Kirby game to have been created by HAL Laboratory and I’m extremely grateful and admire the effort put into it. (but that’s not what I’ll debate on today haha)

Zan first caught my eye, because I simply fell in love with the Three Mage-Sisters designs. Her main color is yellow though, so my attention was 10x more on her. (I really love yellow can you tell-) Then I loved the game so much that I madly searched on it and explored the game the most I could and…well her psychological development made me emotionnal. I also can’t help but relate to her in some aspects, especially that usually when being victim of abuse, you know about it, but you can’t fight back for different reasons. I’m sure, probably just a headcanon, that her and the sisters knew about it, but couldn’t bring the subject because…well Hyness saved their lives and he’s the only one around for them. That, to me, is the most horrible aspect of any type of abuse: knowing about it and can’t do anything about it alone, making you being a prisoner of a spiral of unhealthy thoughts and habits.

I love exploring too much in details the psycholocal side of my favorite characters, so that’s what I did with Zan. I think her relation with Hyness is one of the most interesting things I’ve searched on. To think that she couldn’t help but admire Hyness when he was corrupted, to the point where she would deny his abuse and only focus on being a leader instead of thinking about her well-being, it adds so much interesting things to her character. (I mean, when she sees Kirby in the Jambastion tower, she tried to kill Kirby and co. by destroying the power core. She definitely was too focused on her duty to not think rationally) It makes me emotionnal that her and her sisters had to go through this, that Zan survived through this horrible twisted love moment.

I did Soul Melter Ex with only Zan (everything is easy when you spam her lightning beam, down-up B, over and over lmao) and I cried like a baby when I ended it. I think I may be too attached to Zan- because not only is this boss an almost perfect ending for this phase of Kirby, but also because you make her and her sisters face the creature they ressurected, making them face what was once a promise to happiness to what would possibly end every last hope of their bright future. When I beat it, I couldn’t stop thinking about how they must feel more desperate than anything else. Imagine having once worked so hard on anything, kept going because you believed it’d bring joy to your world, but destroying it from your own hands, because you made a mistake that changed every aspects of it. I wonder…what is their motivation to keep going now?

I think what makes me the most emotionnal though is to think of how much worse Hyness and the mages would have suffered if Kirby wasn’t able to defeat Void Termina. Zan’s relation with corrupted Hyness was already toxic, I can’t imagine how much wrong it could have become…

[obsessedstressedandunimpressed]

I have a an unhealthy attachment to background characters. Like, if the character appears for five seconds, is never mentioned again, and has zero fan content whatsoever, chances are that I'm madly in love with them. 🙃

[kimp05]

Ok same, initially I was just really attached to Jiu Chen because of the Mo Yuan vibes he gave off (not to mention the slightly over average sls I had towards MY despite loving Ye Hua) but he really grew on me to the point where he's now one of my all time favorite drama leads. It's kinda unfortunate that his styling isn't the best in this drama because dang does the guy look good irl 😂(but I agree w/ your opinion about his looks) . Also let's just say that this drama gets better every episode

Yes! Doesn’t he give off Mo Yuan vibes. And OMG! I had unhealthy SLS with Mo  Yuan too! LOL But I did love Ye Hua a lot though. He, to me, deserved Bai Qian more. He sacrificed so much for her. He was so madly in love with her, that at some point I was getting annoyed with Bai Qian for playing hard to get lol. I do love myself a nice guy male lead so I can’t wait to see how Jiu Chen will woo me lol.

I actually did look him up after watching the first two episodes and he does indeed look really good in modern hairstyle lol. The drama hairstyle aged him so much. He really doesn’t look that old in real life. The drama did him wrong, but then again he’s supposed to be a lot older than Ni Ni’s character so maybe it was done on purpose.

[malereader-inserts]

Don’t Take It Away

Fandom: Avengers Pairing: Steve Rogers x Male Reader Summary: Steve wants to start again, you’re just hard to convince. Word Count: 1421 Request: “do you think sometimes you can make a steve rogers x mreader? I know you've made some before but you haven't written for him in a while. I don't really have an idea but, ya know “ Aspired by the new song of my fave Lewis Capaldi - Grace. 

“Things changes, old man.”

Steve looked at you disapprovingly, as you shrugged your shoulder with a knowing smug smirk planted on your face. Steve was getting restless and it had only been two minutes in the elevator before the lights flickered out and the lift suddenly at a stop.

Somehow, he had been fortunate to be stuck in the elevator with you. One of the intelligent and powerful Avenger, and unfortunately, an ex too. If you remember correctly, you had broken up upon mutual agreement, you just both fell out of love. That’s what you guys say for the media. 

Truth be told, you found yourself unworthy of Steve Rogers, being in that mindset was unhealthy for Steve and the relationship, you had dated many men in your life and Steve grew up in a different generation with different values and standards. You pushed him away, you needed to reevaluate yourself before thinking of committing again. 

But, on Steve’s side of the argument, he was afraid that he loved too soon. He was new to the dating scene and after the stint with Peggy’s great niece, Sharon Carter, he found himself falling with the group’s cynic. Tony says it’s because your generation has been through shit, you want to change but you know that this change everyone wants is not going to happen. It’s a fable wishing, and yet Steve liked that about you.

However, he’s not ready to be just another of your mistakes. Maybe, that’s why he was the one to start the breakup. He doesn’t want to look like the fool, yet he was still madly in love with you. Steve fell victim to the sound of your love, you were caring and showed his so much affection

You're like a song that he didn’t want to stop listening to, you weird humour and sweet nothings. He enjoyed listening to you rant about the team and how you would scoff as you switch the channel away from the news channel.

He was left with nothing but you on his mind.

“Yeah, things change.”

Steve’s weird trail of voice had made you flicker your eyes towards him before sighing and sit down on the floor. Steve stares at you, his eyebrow raising with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Sit down, I fear that we’ll be here for ages.” You commented, looking at your phone as you turn your brightness to halfway, looking at the recent text from Tony that the elevator fix will take a few hours.

Steve looked at you and then the surroundings. The door, the two metal walls and a glass window with a rail guard on it. Steve sat down, facing you as you both stretched your legs. His legs reaching your left arm as you did the same with him.

You looked at him as he stares back. The silence between you two was familiar, your eyes wandered out the window, leaning your head against the metal wall as Steve discreetly spared you glances.

“I’m not a fucking idiot, Steve,” You sighs, your eyes connecting once again as Steve tilted his head confused, “You’re still in love with me.”

“Perhaps, and you?”

“Kills me to see you every day,” You responded, you had softly licked your lips and sniffling, “What was your real reason for breaking up with me? I’m curious.”

“I-” Steve started before coughing and clearing his throat, “It doesn’t feel right, it wasn’t for me. Everything is new-”

“Steve, get a goddamn grip,” You sighed, “It’s been three years since you have woken up, things change every decade,  deal with it. It’s life. Life is there to cause you despondency, it will gift you with gut-wrenching emotions, deluding you into thinking it is the end of the world, that you cannot live any longer in this deleterious world. It will mislead you into wounding your luxurious dermis, inflicting yourself with humiliating phrases, convincing you that it’s your fault. But guess what? It. Is. Life. We can’t do anything about it, it will constantly come at us, smacking us in our life.”

“Ever so the realist,” Steve commented.

“I’m here to have a good time, not a long time,” You responded coolly, “Maybe you’re right, maybe we aren’t destined together - like our puzzles were pieces smashed together, hoping they fit but in reality being together makes us messy.”

Steve looked unphased with all your real talk, but he did not want the pieces of your so-called metaphorical analogy to fall apart. Steve felt like this was the ultimate downfall, there was no attachment between him and you, nothing can be amended between you two.

Steve took a deep breath, his mind ready to accept this unfortunate fact.

“Yet, we’re two idiots in love with each other, venting in here is getting fucking hot and-” You started you peel your jacket off and flinging it towards your feet as Steve watched with mild amusement, “I hate that I’m still in love with you.”

“Oh?”

“I don’t want to repeat myself, Steve, how the fuck are you not burning?” Your mind was suddenly on a different topic, “Can’t you feel this metal contraption heating up?”

Steve shrugs, “I’m not that hot.”

“Debatable,” You responded almost immediately.

There was a long silence, Steve sighs as he waited. You were looking out the glass wall, admiring New York city. Steve was able to admire you, despite your lack of grace he knew you had it in you. Maybe, he was wrong to break things up, he should have talked to you about it.

“What if things were different?”

You looked at him, your eyebrow raised, “I’m sorry?”

“Restore what we use to have, I want to keep this connection that we have, please don’t take it away.”

“Sounds awfully selfish of you.”

“(Y/n)-” Steve sighs as you looked at him, “I was wrong, I thought we were going too fast, you have a reputation and I didn’t want to be the butt of the joke. I thought of you so highly, I placed you on some sort pedestal.”

“How are we supposed to function if we weren’t on some sort of common ground?” You asked, “I’m a sceptic, a cynic even, but I’m not a brag or a snob, but are we too wounded now to ever come down?“

There was silence between you two.

“Can we start over?”

“Do you think that will help?”

“I’ve seen in movies and shows,” Steve replied coolly as you smiled at him, “Though they were Natasha’s selections and-”

“We can start again, Steve, but I can’t promise that us being a pair could happen again.”

“I just want a fresh start, we didn’t get off the right foot when we first met.” 

“You called me a stuck-up jerk and that I needed to man up because you don’t like bullies.” You replied, raising your eyebrows, “I’d say that’s a fantastic first impression.”

“Well, you were the most polite person I’ve met.”

“Sorry for my grace, I promise I won’t tarnish it for you.”

Steve and you shared a look before giggling like schoolboys. Somehow the old atmosphere that you both craved was coming back. It was comfortable, there was nothing hidden or undercover.

“You still alive there kids?” Tony’s voice commed through, “Luckily for you guys, I was able to fix it quicker than I thought.”

“Great! I’m burning in here, it’s too hot that I almost took my shirt off.”

“I’m sure spangles there wouldn’t mind.”

“Stark!” Steve flushed red as he barked at Tony, who chuckled.

“Alright alright, give me ten and you’ll be out.” The communicate had become radio silent as you and Steve looked at each other again.

There was a smile on his face as he leans his head back. You returned the smile before turning your attention away from him, perhaps it wasn’t perfect but it was something to Steve. He still had you and he was going to work hard to prove that maybe, just maybe, you were destined to be together.

The elevator rumbled, cueing you and Steve to suddenly stand up as the lift starts to slowly move again.

“So, fresh start?” Steve questions, you give him a side eye before nodding.

“Sure, what harm can it do?” 

Steve nodded and smile, his hand out to shake, “Hi, I’m Steve Rogers.”

You looked at him with an eyebrow raised, Steve wore a goofy grin before you shook his hand.

“And I’m (Y/n) (L/n), a pleasure to meet you.”

[qfy]

Ruben? + Music

1. Sweettooth - Riz La Vie

OOOOOOO this is the beginning of elis and rubens relationship probably per every lyric. initially they were friends of course but eli couldn’t let go of rubens energy. obviously teenager eli didnt know any better but he’d attached himself to ruben in a very unhealthy way. he’d literally do anything for ruben even if it mean’t anything if everything crashing down on him. throughout elis life he truly did lack any good father and or parental figure, period. which left the kid latching onto whatever cause gave him meaning, in this case was ruben and the gang.

“You taste like sour apple, which taste like midnightYou taste like power hour, this tastes like its rightYou taste like white wine, you taste like I'm fineYou taste even sweeter than I thoughtYou taste like all I want”

2. Insane - Cero Ismael

this song emphasizes elis mindset further into his relationship with ruben. obviously hed fallen really madly in love with the guy. their relationship was on and off, ruben wasnt as heavily invested in it as eli was. eli was dealing with his emotions at this point and they kind of sucked. he was heavily addicted to drugs, invested in the gang, and essentially lost all meaning to whatever his life meant at that point. “I called your phone last night and you dont pick, but you text me 'I will call you' so I end up with insane”

3. I’m good - Anfa Rose

THIS is probably elis mindset right now about their relationship. hes gotten over himself obviously. despite where he is now he did strive to get out, and he got clean. apart of eli does still internally have that slight attraction to ruben but as of right now? hes good. hes focused on himself, and the only reasons he’s got any finger on the trigger is so he can muster enough cash and get the literal fuck out. eli does see the abuse in their relationship and strives not to be there. just not what hes about. “Way I see it, if I'm doing what I want then I'm living. If I'm living then I'm winning. Yeah, I'm good.”

[missmentelle]

What is BPD and how does it manifest? What are your personal experiences with it and what are the misconceptions?

Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental health condition that severely disrupts your ability to form stable and healthy attachments to others, and to form a stable and healthy sense of yourself. It usually develops for the first time in your late teens or early 20s, and it can last for the rest of your life, although many people with BPD are able to successfully control their symptoms or even achieve full remission if they seek mental health treatment. BPD can be a brutal disorder to live with, and the symptoms can seriously impact your day-to-day functioning. People with BPD may find it incredibly difficult to achieve their goals or lead a “normal” life. Unlike people with other personality disorders that affect relationships, people with BPD desperately want to have healthy relationships with other people, but their symptoms make this incredibly difficult to achieve, which is a constant source of frustration and shame for many people who have this disorder. Symptoms of BPD include:

Intense and near-irrational fear of abandonment. They live with constant fear that the people in their lives will abandon them, even if there are absolutely no signs that this is the case. They will go to extreme lengths to avoid being abandoned, even if the risk of abandonment is entirely imaginary. 

Relationships that are very intense, and very unstable. They tend to engage in a pattern called “splitting”, where they see someone as wonderful and flawless and perfect in one moment, and then see them as worthless, unreliable and untrustworthy the next. They either have you on a pedestal or they are convinced that you hate them, with very little time spent between those two extremes. 

Frequent mood swings. This is more than just the usual “up and down” of something like bipolar disorder - they swing between a wide range of emotions like shame, disgust, euphoria, despair, rage and everything in between. 

Disproportionate emotional reactions. People with BPD have more or less the “correct” emotional reaction to events in their lives, but the intensity of their emotional reaction is completely blown out of proportion. A neurotypical person might be mildly annoyed if their partner forgot to text them when they promised to. A person with BPD may lapse into full-blown rage and despair, and these intense feelings could last for hours or days. Anger is the most common emotion that they experience with added intensity, and it can even cause harmless interactions to quickly escalate. 

Reckless behaviour. People with BPD often partake in high-risk behaviour, like drug use, unprotected sex, gambling, spending sprees, or unsafe and reckless driving. They also have a tendency to self-sabotage - sometimes when things are going well in their lives, they will suddenly quit their jobs, drop out of school and break up with their partners with absolutely no warning. 

An unstable sense of their own identity. This is hard to explain to someone who doesn’t experience it, but most people have a pretty stable sense of who they are, what they value, what they want, what their goals are, etc. People who BPD do not have any stable answers for any of those things. Their sense of “self” shifts rapidly and often. They may completely change their entire image of themselves from day to day, or go through periods where they even doubt if they exist. 

Self-harm and suicidal behaviour. People with BPD frequently self-harm, and they have one of the highest suicide rates of any disorder. Their self-harm is usually triggered by a real or imagined abandonment or rejection, and it can be extremely difficult to manage. 

A general sense of emptiness. People with BPD often feel that their lives are meaningless, or that they will never be happy. They might feel like nothing matters, or that they are bad, worthless people who do not deserve to be happy. 

BPD is a very tricky disorder to cope with, especially when it comes to relationships. It is important to remember that people with BPD are not bad people, and it is not their fault that they have this disorder. Many of the behaviours they exhibit are the result of all the pain and distress that they are feeling, not because they have any malicious intent. Many of them are simply desperate to be loved, and their extreme emotions are what prevent them from achieving this in a healthy way. At the same time, though, it’s important to acknowledge that people with BPD can cause serious harm to people they form relationships with, and the pain that their friends, family members and partners feel is just as real and just as valid. People with BPD are sometimes the perpetrators of abuse (as well as the victims), and it’s naive to think that a potential partner can overcome these issues through love and patience alone. The symptoms are aggravating to deal with as a person with BPD actually experiencing them, and they can be exhausting or terrifying to deal with as the partner of a person who has BPD. A diagnosis of BPD is not an excuse to treat others badly, and people with this disorder are still responsible for recognizing when they need to seek help, or when they might need to take a break from relationships as a whole. 

I’ve had numerous experiences with BPD in my lifetime. I’ve worked with it as a mental health professional; many of the homeless kids I worked with met the criteria for BPD, and for many of them, BPD was at least contributing to their ongoing homelessness. Some had burned bridges with family members or professional organizations that could help them, due to their erratic or intense behaviour. Many had experimented broadly with drug use, reckless behaviour or casual sex, and had faced life-altering consequences - like drug dependency, criminal records or unwanted pregnancies - as a result. Many of them were caught up in very intense and very unhealthy romantic relationships, and they were unable to work on other aspects of their life (finishing school, finding housing, finding employment, etc) because all of their time and energy was devoted to their high-needs relationships. It’s hard to get someone to sit down and work on their math homework when they feel an intense need to comb through their partner’s instagram for any signs of cheating. It can be a very tricky disorder to deal with as a professional, because you are no exception to the person’s fear of abandonment or their intense relationship style - it can be more difficult to form consistent trust and rapport with BPD clients than it is with other clients, which makes treatment difficult. 

I also have a lot of hands-on experience with BPD in my personal life. I lived with a partner who had BPD for two years, although he only received his official diagnosis after we had already ceased living together. We got together as teenagers, and as far as I can tell, he developed BPD in his early 20s, around two years after we met. My ex refused all forms of mental health treatment, and living with a person who had untreated Borderline Personality Disorder was one of the most exhausting and difficult experiences of my life. He had the classic “splitting” pattern; much of the time, he had me up on a pedestal, and he would boldly tell me and other people that I was the most perfect person who ever lived, that I was the answer to all of his problems, and that he never needed anything or anyone else in the world as long as he had me. Other days, he would tell me that I never cared about him, that he would never be good enough for me, and that I secretly wanted to leave him. We had some happy days, hanging out and just being best friends who were madly in love with each other, but as his disorder really took hold, the extremes became much more common. His behaviour became reckless and erratic, and he started leaving our apartment at night to break into nearby abandoned buildings and construction site. He never developed any anger problems, but he became despondent, and started spending entire days sobbing on the couch and contemplating suicide. His goals and view of himself changed weekly - some weeks he saw himself as smart and studious, and some weeks he saw himself as being doomed to homelessness. I cared about him very, very much, but I could not live like that anymore. He was not a bad person and his situation was not his fault - although it was his responsibility to accept help, which he failed to do - but he was not good for my own mental health. No one is obligated to stay in such a tumultuous and unstable relationship, and unfortunately it reached a point where I could not do it anymore. 

Unfortunately, my current partner and I are also dealing with a situation with BPD at the moment. In this case, however, he has an ex-partner with BPD who cannot accept that their relationship is over. Every couple of weeks she calls him in the middle of the night, sometimes to declare that he is the most wonderful person she ever met and insist that they were meant to be together. Other times, she calls to tell him that he is a terrible person who never cared about her or respected her, and she informs him that she is in the middle of self-harming because of him. We both acknowledge that she is a deeply troubled individual, and neither of us have any ill will toward her. He informs her family every time she calls, and I have no issues with him picking up the phone to talk to her in the middle of the night if it means that someone can be made aware of her in-progress self-harm. Again, she is not a bad person and her issues are not of her own making. Her case happens to be particularly extreme - most people with BPD do not even approach this level of inappropriate behaviour - but I cannot deny that it is a source of distress in my life. 

There are two big misconceptions about BPD that I think should be dispelled. The first is the notion that BPD is a “female” problem. While it is true that female diagnoses of BPD outnumber male diagnoses considerably, there are probably a lot of social biases at play. A man who has intense relationships in his early 20s and copes by doing drugs, sleeping around and driving fast is seen as “normal”, or “just blowing off steam”. A woman who behaves the same way is considered mentally ill. Men who present with characteristic symptoms of BPD may instead receive a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder, depression or anxiety, due to the notion that BPD is only a female problem. Women who have symptoms of Bipolar Disorder, depression or anxiety may be diagnosed with BPD. People tend to see what they expect to see, and many clinicians expect to see lots of women with BPD. 

The other misconception I want to dispel is that idea that BPD never gets better. It is the most treatable of the personality disorders, and most people with the condition see at least some improvement after their mid- to late twenties. Therapy and medication can help treat the symptoms to make life and relationships more manageable, and people with BPD who receive proper treatment can even achieve full remission of their disorder. This is a difficult disorder, but it is not a life sentence, and it should never be assumed that people who have this disorder are going to be this way forever. Hope and treatment are out there. 

Hope this answers your question! 

[100yearoldcomics]

January 29, 1922 Harold Teen by Carl Ed

Harold's got some seriously unhealthy boundary and attachment issues here. Makes your average romantic comedy protagonist look healthy.

[ID: Harold stands on Lillums' doorstep, talking to her kid brother Tuffy. /end] Harold: Tuffy! Did you tell her I just wanted one word with her! Tuffy: Yeh! She said she couldn't forgive you for knockin' her music teacher for a goal!

[ID: Harold sits around in his own living room, sulking on the backless couch. His father walks up to him. /end] Father: Hm? What are you sitting around mooning like a sick calf for? Harold: Sir?

[ID: Harold gets up and walks off, angering his father. Josie walks into the room, holding a dripping jam sandwich. /end] Father: What in th' Sam Hill do you mean getting up and walking out of th' room when I'm speaking to you? ANSWER ME? Josie: Bet'cha I know, Paw! He's in love of Lillums! Harold: Sir?

[ID: Harold's father points aggressively at him as Harold stops in his tracks, deeply offended. Josie laughs. /end] Father: Aha! I've got it!! It's all about that little SNIP of a Lovewell girl! Harold: Snip? Josie: Tee! Hee!

[ID: Harold and his father argue while Josie slips away. /end] Father: I'll disinherit you, that's what I'll do. I don't want any lunatics in my family! Harold: You are my father and I must respect you. But, I want you to understand that she is one of God's sweetest and noblest creatures. That... Josie: Oh! Ma! I got somethin' to tell you!

[ID: Harold walks through a curtained doorway and leaves the living room, as his mother arrives to argue with his father. /end] Father [behind the curtain]: For two pins, I'd take him over my knee, and... Mother [also behind the curtain]: There! There! Thomas, you've harassed the poor child enough! Harold: Forgive him, little girl. He knoweth not what he doeth!

[ID: Harold takes his mooning out to the street. He literally walks in the middle of the street. A man in a convertible angrily idles behind him. /end] Driver: That's all right! Take your time. If you didn't look so half-witted, I'd bam you right on th' tail! Harold: Oh! Lillums! This separation. What anguish I suffer. I must see her. I just MUST!

[ID: Harold stands on the corner, thinking hard. /end] Harold: I must do something heroic. Something to prove to her how desperately, how madly I worship her! I HAVE IT. I'll climb the wires to her balcony. Like Romeo did to Juliet.

[ID: Harold climbs up a telephone pole and balances on the wires like a tightrope walker, one hand holding the top of the pole. At the other end of the wires sits Lillums' balcony. Two birds, one sitting on the wire and the other flying around, watch Harold in confusion. /end] Harold: Oh! Lillums! Yoo!! Hoo!! Birds: ?

[ID: Lillums leans out her window as Harold grabs and bends the wires to keep himself aloft. /end] Lillums: Harold! In heavin's name! GO BACK! Harold [huskily]: Lillums!! I must see you. I must!!

[ID: A man in a bowler hat witnesses this scene from the ground. /end] Passersby: Good lord! That lovesick Teen kid is going to commit suicide!

[ID: He runs up to a fire alarm box on a nearby pole and triggers the alarm. A child stands nearby, watching. /end] Passersby: This is a case for the fire department! Child: Where's th' fire?

[ID: The fire department arrive to lift a puzzled Harold off of the phone lines. A crowd has gathered to gawk at the scene. /end] Fireman: Nut! Simp! Dizzy! Coo-coo! Cop [shoving onlookers]: Stand back! Give 'im air!

[ID: On the street, Lillums talks to Harold, who poses coquettishly. The gathered crowd watches with great mirth. /end] Lillums: Harold? Whatever possessed you... Harold: Little girl! All I can say now (gulp) is... that I did it all for you!

[tcntoria-blog]

lore (cain)

   i’ve mentioned that eliana is madly in love with cain a few times here, but i haven’t talked about it why or what the relationship actually is between death and the first murderer.

   i want to start by stating that cain is the biblical figure of cain. hopefully you know the story of cain and able, because it’s pretty iconic. but, if you don’t, the tl;dr is that cain killed his brother able and as punishment has to walk the earth with a mark (the mark of cain) for all of eternity.

   in this universe, biblical stories are real, but they’re not necessarily in the same order as presented in the bible. these “original” humans date back before the first civilizations. here, we don’t see the emergence of souls in humans until they reach their ‘final form,’ homo sapien. think of the other homos as rough drafts for deities. they didn’t add the cherry on top until they knew they had what they wanted. when we speak of first murderer, first humans, etc., we’re talking about the homo sapiens. 

   so, before cain, eliana had only reaped a handful of souls. the young goddess was seen as pointless until then. imagine having a useless ability for billions of years until finally you prove yourself to be worth something. that’s where eliana was. as far as eliana was aware, all souls were to be hers for the taking-- when the human finished their time on earth. it was made very clear that she wasn’t allowed to evict souls until they were ready. needless to say, she was a huge brat.

   but then, something unthinkable happened: cain killed able. none of the deities thought this would happen. they thought they worked out all of the kinks! no human was supposed to murder another. and when eliana went down to take able’s soul, she met cain. cain was a pretty man. he was rough around the edges, sure, but eli saw beauty. this was the first time she ever materialized in her physical form. she created a beautiful body that would compliment cain’s-- one that could fit to his curves and awaken a desire in him. from literal shadows came this gorgeous figure who sought love and validation (despite her gruesome purpose). eliana knew that cain’s soul would never be hers. the punishment had been decided before she reaped his brother’s soul. 

   so, they could be together forever. such a naive goddess.

   for cain, she was the beautiful woman he had ever seen. how could she not be? she was made specifically for him.

   they fell in love. they were both their first loves. this, too, was unprecedented. of course, the other deities in the divine dimension were pissed. cain was supposed to be punished and it seemed more like he was given a reward. still, he walked the earth forever with a mark identifying him as the first murderer, but he was given love. there was nothing more powerful for a human than love.

   and there was nothing more powerful for eliana than love. she had spent billions of years alone and outcast. she sought validation more than anything else in the universe and finally, she found it in cain. 

   this is the literal beginning of the grim reaper in her physical form.

   of course, as time went on, their relationship strained. cain wanted to die. he wanted eliana to break the rules and evict his soul, but she physically couldn’t. there was a stronger force than her protecting it. this led to resentment in cain. and of course, eliana’s heart shattered. everything she had ever wanted seemed to disappear in an instant (time is much different for deities). 

   because of this broken heart, she retreats back to the divine dimension, where she is greeted with heavy disapproval. no deity wanted to associate with her. she was a mere custodian to them, picking up the souls and sending them to their final destinations. nothing more. she was a failure of a goddess to them. for millennia, she wallowed in her little corner of the divine dimension. she did her job, sure, but she was broken.

   eliana still keeps her original physical form in hopes of crossing paths with cain one day and reigniting that old flame. she will regularly visit earth and get into all sorts of trouble to feel “alive” and try to find cain. this does not mean that everything she does is for cain or to find cain, etc. but there is an unhealthy attachment to cain in eliana and, seeing as its been many many millennia, she wishes to see him again. just one more time, at the very least. so maybe she can feel like she did so briefly in her young life.

   this is absolutely not to say that no one can ever make her feel that way again, either. this is just the lore of cain and eliana and why it’s such an important story in her background.