#make it make sense you abominable cockroach

[thatcrimsonsun]

rereading aftg is such an experience because Andrew is kicking his thick ass off to subtly flirt with Neil and show him he's interested while Neil's like: "huh. what a weird kid. anyways-"

[lizmidfordsblog]

Petition for this fandom to collectively ignore the existence of...Gragon.

I could take Alver and Elhaven, I could take Sir Cale instead of Cale-nim (which makes sense I guess) but damn, the last time I had such a repulsed reaction was when a cockroach flew into my takeout food. This is what I get for logging back into Tumblr after a while.

Like how tf do you even get this abomination from Goldie Gramps??

[wraithsoutlaws]

Honestly I'd like to ask you about the thought behind all of Dagger's design cus it's so fuckin' sick and your art is sick (I'd buy an art book of Ur art) I'm like actually slightly ignoring the ask prompt thing u reblogged so I hope you don't mind but do Dagger's tattoos have any meaning? They're all very cool and I'm going to stop talking now before I ramble about how sick (positive) your art is

aaaaaAh omg i don't mind at all this made me so happy :') thank you so much i'm!! really flattered and happy you like 'em!! there is some meaning behind some of them, and some of them are just a little silly. i've also been in the process of actually trying to fully finalize them (they've sort of been ~up in the air~ for a long time/subject to change)

his most important tattoo is the heart/snake/dagger on his torso:

i've messed with the look of it a lot. originally the dagger went straight up his torso, but i think the angled placement works a little better. the right side is still a WIP, but it's probably more in line with what i want (partially because he's /also/ supposed to have a really big "M" shaped scar that covers his torso as well, and i think it looks really messy with all these elements running vertical on him which is why it hardly makes it into my art). ANYWAY, this one is meant to signify his self-transformation into the "Dagger" persona. the heart in the middle is representative of his humanity, or who he once was as a child. the snake is who he grew into and what generally harbors a lot of his self-hatred and guilt (which is sort of another post worth of Lore so I won't go there rn), and the knife represents who he makes himself, choosing to kill the other parts of who he is and severing himself from the past (including that humanity and guilt). It's his self-made rebirth, no longer beholden to the cycles and feelings of the person he used to be. the "unkillable" beneath the handle is a newer addition, but it's just edgelord enough that i know he'd have it. in a sense, he's killed himself already and now nobody else gets the pleasure of doing so.

now the rest of his tattoos are just kinda stupid and that's why i love them.

the "FVCK" tattoo on his left arm was the first one he got and he gave it to himself stick-n-poke style when he was 16.

the abomination on the right hasn't made it into artwork yet because i'm constantly changing my mind of where i want it. most likely it's on his left shoulder blade and it's pretty self-explanatory. the man loves cigarettes. he got this one in his late teens when he was riding with a group of smugglers between texas and mexico, drunk in front of a campfire, and of course, smoking. (it's worth mentioning that i haven't gotten tattoo mods for him, and though he keeps a big portion of the vanilla tattoos on the front, none of the back piece is canon for him.)

he has a rat king on his thigh (also self-explanatory), as well as cockroach's little rat prints running up the side of his leg.

the last Definite tattoo he has is a small scorpion on his back (as reference to the scorpion and the frog. dagger's in a constant cycle of self-destruction. he's both the scorpion and the frog).

[screendimdotcom]

Directed by the maestro of horror himself, John Carpenter, this film is a chilling journey into the darkest recesses of human paranoia and extraterrestrial terror.

First things first, let's talk about the cast. Picture this: Kurt Russell, sporting a beard that could house a family of sparrows, exuding rugged charm and a no-nonsense attitude that's as sharp as the icy winds of Antarctica. And alongside him, we've got the incomparable Keith David, whose voice could make Barry White sound like a choirboy. Together, they lead a ragtag team of scientists in a desperate battle against an otherworldly threat that's as cunning as it is grotesque.

But let's not beat around the frost-covered bush — the real stars of "The Thing" are the creatures themselves. Oh yes, those shape-shifting, body-snatching, tentacle-waving nightmares that make your skin crawl faster than a cockroach in a kitchen. And what's even more impressive? These abominations were brought to life not with fancy CGI, but with good old-fashioned practical effects. From the twisted contortions of the infected to the stomach-churning transformations, this movie's got more gooey goodness than a melted cheese sandwich.

The plot is as follows: A group of scientists holed up in a research station in the Antarctic, cut off from the outside world and slowly losing their grip on reality? Check. A shape-shifting alien entity that can mimic any living organism, turning friend against friend in a deadly game of cat and mouse? Double check. It's like "Survivor" meets "Invasion of the Body Snatchers," with a dash of "Who Goes There?" thrown in for good measure.

But what really sets "The Thing" apart isn't just its chilling premise or its jaw-dropping special effects — it's the palpable sense of paranoia that permeates every frame. As the tension mounts and trust becomes as scarce as a snowflake in the Sahara, you can't help but feel your own sense of unease growing with each passing minute. Who's infected? Who's still human? And most importantly, who can you trust when the fate of humanity hangs in the balance?

Of course, no review of "The Thing" would be complete without mentioning its spine-tingling soundtrack, courtesy of the one and only Ennio Morricone. With its haunting melodies and ominous tones, Morricone's score is the perfect accompaniment to Carpenter's icy visuals, heightening the sense of dread and foreboding at every turn.

Now, let's address the elephant (or should I say, alien) in the room: the infamous debate over who's infected at the end. Is it MacReady? Is it Childs? Or are they both just a couple of paranoid lunatics freezing to death in the Antarctic wasteland? The truth is, even decades after its release, fans are still arguing over the answer, and that's a testament to the film's enduring legacy.

This is a cinematic masterpiece that'll leave you questioning your own humanity faster than you can say "pass the flamethrower." So grab your parka, keep an eye on your friends, and for the love of all that's holy, don't trust the dog. Trust me, you won't regret it.

[adobe-outdesign]

Have you done any Ultra Beasts like Xurkitree, Pheromosa, and Guzzlord? I really liked those three the most.

I just did Xurkitree, but as for Pheromosa and Guzzlord:

I love that we finally got a cockroach Pokemon and it's not some grimy disgusting thing, but instead a beautiful humanoid abomination. I'd say it's an inverse of an actual cockroach, but it's not: IRL cockroaches are pretty clean creatures, and groom themselves frequently, which fits with Pheromosa's obsession with not touching anything because it sees the world as unclean:

And I like the design for the most part, including the long antennae, gold accents, and the "hair", which are actually just wings.

My only real problem with Pheromosa is that it's almost too normal. It's an identifiable animal with seemingly normal biology, and it has a face and a logical body structure. The proportions are more human-like and the limbs thinner than you'd normally expect on a Pokemon, but for the most part, this design could be used for a regular Pokemon and it really wouldn't be out of place. I wouldn't have minded a more insect-like head on it, which might've helped give it a more "alien" feel, or even giving it an extra set of limbs. Regardless, it's a neat concept and a solid design overall.

Guzzlord has a lot of cool stuff going for it, namely the conveyor belt mouth that resembles a garbage disposal plant. Appropriate, considering it eats anything and everything but seemingly converts it into energy. It's also one of the only Pokemon/UBs to have been confirmed to kill a human (not just stated to in the 'dex, but actually implied to have in the story).

While I like the general concept and the overall look, I do think Guzzlord's a bit too cluttered for its own good. It's got an appropriately alien feeling and the core concept still reads well, but the amount of detail leads to a lot of "white noise" in the design.

Like, you have the conveyer belt mouth, which is perfect. But then you have a set of upper and lower fangs, except the lower set of fangs are arms. You also have a set of arms up top, four (4) bat wings that are completely vestigial, some stripes on the legs, a mace tail, and an entire second head. It's just entirely too much to parse. I would've dropped the wings, fangs/mouth arms (maybe just make the tongue itself one arm), and mace tail to double back down on the mouth and stomach area.

I also feel like the color doesn't help; not only are there a few too many yellow accents, but it probably would've made more sense to have the inside of the mouth yellow and the markings blue, to lead the eye to the center of the design. As is, there's more focus on the outside of the mouth than the inside.

With that said, though, it is still a fun and unusual design with a lot of fun stuff going on with it. I just would've liked to see the fun stuff be a bit easier to make out.

Overall, Pheromosa's a neat take on a cockroach, though it's almost too "normal" for its own good. Guzzlord's much more alien, but is also very busy visually, which distracts from the concept a bit. Still, both are pretty neat in their own right.

[curious-menace]

The rogue gallery members general reaction to encountering the batman who laughs and his creepy ass Robin's.

ok id like to preface this by saying that red death batman straight up crucified riddler and decapitated scarecrow and the batman who laughs is MUCH worse than red death batman. 

i want to enjoy the dark knights metal but it is needlessly fuckin complicated with all this multiverse oververse omniverse shit. maybe i just don't have the galaxy brain necessary to get it so i apologize if this is all wrong 

(also i know its canon that the batman who laughs has no rogues gallery left, either because he killed them or joker killed them before he turned but hey ho hypotheticals it is)

also no one talk to me about kiss fan lookin riddler from this verse. im not ready. 

Penguin

i think his first reaction was to laugh. Batman’s finally gone and he took joker with him. I mean he literally calls him "bat gimp". I seriously doubt he anticipated the fallout of batman becoming some sort of hideous joker hybrid. he still chuckled when he started seeing the news. someone calling themselves “the batman who laughs” and “the darkest knight” then he sees the robins, he even recognises damien and it makes him a little sick. he books the next flight out of goodwin before things get too hot. 

shame goodwin was burned to the ground to stop anyone leaving gotham. 

with everyone inside. 

Twoface

i dont think its an exaggeration to say he was absolutly fuckin horrified. it's rare that harvey and two face agree on something, but this bastard has to go. the murder and mayhem he could tolerate, hell even killing the other rogues, some of them needed to be stopped. but having to look at this creature and know it was once bruce? harvey knows better than anyone its a fate worse than death to be trapped in your own mind with someone else running the show. they do their best to stop the darkest knight, bring all the hired guns they can to the fight but it wasnt enough. Harvey dies, but at least he went out trying to do the right thing.

Poison Ivy

She sensed him coming, her flowers screaming at her to save herself. part of me wants to hope she took one look at that abomination and noped the fuck out of there to slaughter swamp or something. but we know ivy, she stands her ground like a tree planted by a river. she looks people like batman and joker right in the eye and down the barrel of a gun and says “no, you move” Shes not a good person, but in this verse she might as well be the hero of the story, maybe the only meta human in gotham who stood a chance against him. The batman who laughs was scared of her and thats why she had to die. if she’d just minded her own business she might still be here but no. She dares the batman who laughs to come for her, she’s going to take him out. for what he did to her plants, to gotham, to HER home and HER friends. unfortunately for her ivy was one of the first on his kill list. She doesn't go down without a fight. ironically it was her human qualities, the human drive to help people that got her killed. she heard one of the robins crying and went to investigate. the batman who laughs doesn't care about those robins, he’s got a basement full of jokerized kids to throw at people. 1 to trick her and a few more to hold her down while he doused the lot of them with weedkiller and gasoline then poof.

i doubt the botanical gardens will ever be the same. 

Scarecrow

part of me wants to say he’s loving this. He’s enjoying all the suffering and sadness and fear as the batman who laughs murders everyone and everything from the dandelions upwards . but he cant, not just because he’s not the one causing it. this is fear without meaning or purpose, this is killing hope so thoroughly that there is nothing left for people to fear, not even death. he’s not so foolish as to think he wont also be on the batman who laughs chopping block. so he makes himself scarce, works on a toxin that might be able to stop him or even slow him down so someone has a shot at it. Jon knows hes going to die, its only a matter of time before that thing calling itself the darkest knight sends one of his minions to his doorstep. He’s been working on something to try and help the rabid robins. he has a small soft spot in his cold obsidian heart for kids and looking at these creatures makes him physically ill. 

he thinks hes made a breakthrough, thinks he’s finally got a formula that will effect batman and the joker and hopefully, whatever abomination they’ve become . he decides theres no time like the present to try it out when word of the other rouges deaths reach him. he’s the last one left and thats....well its scary. His surprise attack works, the robins go down without a fight, screaming and scratching at their faces, their throats and each other. regrettable but if he stops the darkest knight now, maybe jon can help them. Just when he thinks he’s got him, scarecrow goes down. so close, he falls at the finishing line, his toxin having as much effect as a gentle summers breeze. Much like the original scarecrow , the batman who laughs likes using guns. For jon however? he makes an exception. poor scarecrow gets eviscerated by his own scythe, pilfered from arkham asylum by the batman who laughs. gotta love the classics, right?

Riddler

Riddler was second on his kill list. only because the batman who laughs knew how much it would annoy riddler not to be at the top. He’s another rogue who stood a chance of stopping him if he really tried. sadly edward is nowhere near as altruistic as harvey, and could never be as strong as ivy. He likes to think his escape is for everyone's benefit. live to fight another day and all that. He learned from harvey and pamelas mistakes, took one look at this new batman and his creepy kids and said “fuck that noise” and tried to run. except he didn't really try. god if he’d only gotten out of the city, he would have been the only rogue that survived. the batman who laughs looks at him like a pathetic insect, unworthy of notice. he’d have killed riddler eventually, maybe put him in a riddle with no answer or a trap with no escape for extra irony points but he wasn't about to stop the little green cockroach from skittling away.  but of course, riddlers ego got in the way; he just HAD to try and best this new batman, no matter how much he scared the shit out of riddler he just HAD to try. and of course, pride comes before downfall. 

The batman who laughs helpfully provided riddler with some rope to help break his fall. 

Harley Quinn

some part of her was happy to have joker back. he was different, scarier but she was used to the abuse. what she wasn't used to were all the kids. she recognised damian wayne but didn't quite put the pieces together to realise it was bruce under there. she thought maybe he was just a random casualty . she tried hard to look after the kids but they act like animals rather than humans, there was nothing she could do.As time went on she found it harder and harder to sit at the right hand of this clown prince of horrors. harley has always been along for the ride, but how are you supposed make the whole world laugh if everyone in it is dead? i dont know what happens to harley in this world. either she leaves and much like joker, the batman who laughs fails to notice, shes killed by him because he was bored or she does when the world is destroyed by barbatos. either way, no happy endings here. 

Thanks for this incredibly depressing ask Ghostly T-T

im kidding, im kidding it was fun! it makes me wish i knew what the everloving FUCK was going on with this verse so i could enjoy it properly. the only comic store i know of has been closed since like march of last year and i don't know what im looking for on amazon to actually order them. i have 1 issue of nth metal but it was interesting enough that i want the collection.

if anyone knows what the collection is actually called hmu bc i wanna buy it. 

yes i could read it online but i like owning the hard copies. 

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm!💜💙🧡💛💚❤️

[eagesoldartblog]

“I think there’s something in there…” :3?

Have you every wanted to find out what a Gritter is?

Also totally didn’t forget to include the actual prompt as dialogue nope, no siree <<

Somethings in there

“Oh my god, what on earth is that?”

Both Arthur and Vivi turn around from their respective searching, and watch Lewis as he tensely backs away from his corner.

Immediately, Arthurs alarmed. With Vivi’s concern welling up just as much. They both share a look, before Arthur points to himself quietly, and Vivi nods before stepping back. Although never tearing her gaze away from them and pretending to survey the stacks of books and weapons in front of her.

“Wh-whats wrong, bug guy? What’d you find?” Slinking up to Lewis’s side, Arthur lightly grabs Lewis’s shoulder- only to get an almost violent flinch. A bad sign, Lewis never got like this unless he was having an anxiety attack or-

Arthurs eyes drop down to where Lewis was staring.

Then shaking his head to see if his mind if playing tricks on him.

There was a giant, worn crack in the wall, spanning two feet from the base, and getting wider closer to the ground. And something is sticking out of it, stick like and fuzzy. Twitching occasionally.

That’s ... weird. More confused than anything, Arthur glances up at Lewis and places a hand on his bicep again. “What was it? Some spiders jump out at you?”

Lewis was awfully tense, taking a huff of a breath before goosebumps prickle over his visible skin. “Not exactly. I can handle spiders for the most part, but I’m ... I don’t know what it is.”

O-kay? That’s even weirder. Arthurs eyebrows furrow and he nods with the click of his tongue.

Vivi starts over to them now, the floor creaking under her shoes.

Then Theres more movement. Arthur sees it too, and both him and Lewis jump in surprise.

“See!” Lewis half whispers, half yells, gesturing hurriedly to the crack. “What-! How many legs does that thing have?”

“Lew, buddy,” Vivi laughs, appearing besides Lewis and leaning down. Thank god considering that she’s more of a bug person than either of them could ever hope to be. “Why don’t you back up a bit?”

Lewis follows her advice and steps away from the area entirely, retreating to the book stack closest to the door. Half heartedly muttering, “Let me know if you two need some help or... something.”

“Thank you, Babe~” Vivi kneels down, examining the crack intently.

Not wanting to be awkwardly standing and being useless, Arthur mimics her and crouches close to the ground. Earning a look.

“I don’t think you’ll want to be there, Artie.”

“Wh-why not? This isn’t a problem normally- w-wait do you think it responds angrily to people surrounding it-?” He rattles off.

“No,” She snickers, “I don’t want you to piss your pants if it jumps at you.”

Arthur flushes, glaring at her, “That was one time, and we weren’t even on a case...” he grumbles. Vivi pats his back unsympathetically. Against his better judgement, Arthur stays put.

Actually- no, he would rather not be in the splash zone. Arthur pushes himself up and opts to loom over her to watch. “Tell me if you need more space..?”

Vivi shrugs, slipping a leather glove from her pocket over her fingers and up her forearm, readjusting her bracelets as she does. “Nah, I’m good. Besides, I think Lewis may need more emotional support than me.”

“Hey...” Lewis’s frown was evident in his voice and a chorus of chuckles fill the air for a second.

“Doesn’t feel so nice to be on that end of the stick, huh, Lew?” Arthur couldn’t resist the urge to tease, recalling the few times the two of them said those exact same words to him. Lewis rolls his eyes, but visibly relaxes the smallest bit. Even starting to smile a bit! That’s a plus...

Vivi didn’t pay either of them mind, smiling faintly as she uses her uncloaked hand to trace the crack itself. Part of the paint begins to crumble, chipping away, and the wall around it groans wearily.

“Huh, the walls rotting out. Makes sense.” She says, mostly to herself.

Still, Arthur leans down slightly to watch as she slowly wedges her fingers into the thinnest part she could, “Wh-why does it make sense...?”

A faint scuttling noise draws his attention to the base again- a small cockroach running out.

Vivi takes a slow breath and holds it. Then she yanks her arm back swiftly. Cracking open the wall and ripping out some of the rotten drywall.

And all at once a million small things scatter all across the wall.

Arthur lurches back, a scream lodged into his throat as ... bugs? Crawl up the wall, across the floor, and even deeper into the rotten wall. A few of the oddly shaped, oddly colored bugs sat still on the ground before Vivi’s knees, and she scoops them up carefully.

“They’re Gritters.”

“Wh-What?” Arthur asks, horrified. He’s pretty sure Lewis had simply ducked out of the room at this point, if the faint pacing beyond the room meant anything, but his own legs don’t give him the luxury of moving. Instead he’s rooted in place as the bugs- Gritters continue to scuttle out of view. Unbothered, Vivi stands up and holds the dark colored Gritter in her hand.

“Gritters,” she says again, lips curled into a small, pleasant smile, “They’re the insects of the liminal world- where the supernatural typically reside. They tend to grow in places that are dark, grimy areas with lots of decay. However,” she lightly pets the Gritter’s speckled back, and it jumps in alarm and raises its hands defensively. “Decay can mean anything. Most of the time it is actual death and rot, but emotional decay, physical decay, the wicked? Gritters are drawn to it and can begin to congregate and multiply due to a new food source!” She begins to ramble, listing off various facts on how they take on a mix-matched form...

Although anyone could guess that just from the one she’s holding. It’s shaped like a spider, but it’s back is freckled in mushroom-like formations and it’s antennas (with eyes poking out of the ends of them- horrible) resembled tree branches and feathers all at the same time.

“Lewis! Babe, get in here.” Vivi calls over her shoulder.

Arthur pries his eyes away from the abomination, watching the door frame fill with Lewis’s clear disgust and distress.

“Ye-yes, dear?” He shuffles into the room, looking somewhat nauseated, “Need some help-“

Vivi bounces across the room towards him, holding the Gritter out at arms length, “Meet our new pet! Say hello~!”

Lewis gasps and recoils dramatically, but it’s too late. The gritter leaps from her hand and launches itself toward Lewis, all of its weird feathers glimmering as it does so.

Only to fall short and tumble to the ground. Followed by Lewis’s heavy shoe slamming down on it, splurting an orange substance out on all sides. Gasping again, Lewis nearly wretches, shimmying away and scratching at his arms and head frantically without a care for his neatly contoured hair.

”Oh my god, oh my god, lord in heaven, save me from these demons!” He pointedly glares at Vivi, who buckles over with laughter. “You two are devils!”

Arthur snickers lightly, covering his mouth to avoid making an ‘enemy’ out of Lewis.

But then, as luck (and karma?) had to, something is crawling over his arm now.

Petrified, Arthur risks a look.

And sure enough, a centipede-like Gritter was crawling up his fingers with small, human-like arms and legs assisting it.

”Okay, you know what,” Arthur whispers airily behind his covered mouth, ”I think I hate these things as well.”

Vivi’s laughing doubles, snorting loudly.

“Vivi, please do a man a favor and get it off me. Please.”

“Sure thing buddy!” She gasps between laughs, Brushing it off his arm.

Both him and Lewis sputter with relief as they finally leave the god forsaken room, cracking small jokes about the horrible little night crawlers.

Vivi didn’t have the heart to tell them how common Gritters really were.

[shallatel]

Sinrael Shalla’tel - Character Sheet

The Basics ––– –

Age: Older Adult

Birthday: November 13th

Race: Undead High Elf

Gender: Male

Face / Body Claim: No real life claims, his face and body are his own.

Sexuality: Demi

Marital Status: Married, Polyamorous

Server: Wyrmrest Accord

Physical Appearance ––– –

Wardrobe: Unique, in a word. Old stained lab coats, typically worn open with decorative bandages across a mostly bare chest, leather pants and big plate boots.

Hair: Big, curly, and faded ginger in color with streaks of white at the temples.

Eyes: Left that classic “Icecrown” blue, right absent, typically fitted with a rune-powered mechanical prosthetic in acid green with camera-lense like action. Sometimes wears a leather patch instead.

Height: A throwback to Night Elven heritage, he’s very tall at 6′6″.

Build: Broad at the shoulders and thin at the hips with bone showing here and there similar to many Forsaken, or perhaps a ghoul. His remaining muscle tissue is exaggerated in an unnatural fashion.

Common Accessories: Gaudy belt buckles, skull motifs, goggles.

Distinguishing Marks: Exposed, mutated ribs and spine, mutated ghoulish hands and claws, bulky ghoul-like sharp teeth, mismatched skin grafts, generally pale grey skin. 

Personal ––– –

Profession: Necrotech - he’s skilled with technology and magitech in general, but shines brightest when combining mechanics with necromancy.

Hobbies: Crafting, keeping and training various undead constructs, but particularly dog-abominations. He also enjoys people-watching, fueling his interest in psychology and sociology.

Languages: Fluent Thalassian and Gutterspeak, rough Common and Orcish.

Residence: Owns a once respectable estate in the Ghostlands, which remains livable aside from the Scourge, which are... not a problem for him.

Birthplace: Silvermoon

Religion: Bears a cult-like remembrance and adoration for Arthas’ time as the Lich King. Despite this he has minimal interest in Bolvar Fordragon, believing him too soft for the position, and refuses to associate with the Jailer, despite having felt his pull as many Scourge in Icecrown did.

Relationships ––– -

Spouse: Azriad Shalla’tel

Children: 2 boys (deceased) 1 girl (mia)

Parents: Leao Shalla’tel (deceased), Mother to-be-named (deceased)

Siblings: Sylvatica Shalla’tel

Other Relatives: Cassian Shalla’tel (Nephew), Sharinthia Shalla’tel (Niece) Narathas Shalla’tel (Great Grandfather)

Traits ––– -

* Bold your character’s answer.

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open-Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Sympathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful || Monogamist / Polygamist

Additional information ––– –

He is Scourge in the classic sense - his loyalty to Arthas never waivered so much as society just assumed it did / people stopped paying as much attention. Think Professor Putricide-adjasecent. When Arthas fell he simply put himself aside to practice his beliefs and his science on his own terms at his old family estate. He isn’t stupid even when he acts it - he will pass himself off as eccentric and addled when it suits him. Although he dislikes lying, he will do so in order to survive, especially to those he does not respect.

RP Hooks ––– –

Who doesn’t like eccentric monster scientists?

Sinrael is available for restorative or cosmetic fleshcrafting.

He deeply enjoys interacting with people he has very little in common with and finds disagreement intellectually stimulating. He’s married to an Argent healer and his current best friend is a Paladin, as examples.

He will just walk up to anybody, treat them like he’s known them for years, and recruit them for experiments that range from morally reprehensible to just a little bit silly.

He absolutely adores animals of all kinds, but especially canines. He will go out of his way to help with pets should the need arise.

I’m LGBTQA+ and I respect boundaries. I hear people like that.

OOC Info  ––– –

I’ve been in the WoW RPC for ages but am just coming back with a fresh head and a handful of re-writes. I’m a little bit anxious in general but probably less shy about RP than most people. Just let me know what you want and make your boundaries clear! The only people I will not RP with are people who don’t communicate OOC. Good communication is key.

I struggle with mental illness that has improved vastly with a healthier environment, lots of support, and plenty of experiences to teach me what NOT to do. I still need to be careful, and may be unable to RP some subjects / may need to step back at times in order to manage my brainweirds.

Despite my interest in dark subjects I’m really not super edgy or into “dark themes” the way most people seem to be so much as I am into befriending inner monsters and having a good laugh at excessive gore. Comedy horror is my favorite. I can’t take fiction too seriously these days, and like my angst anywhere from light to totally non-existent.

My dog has no hair and a colony of hissing cockroaches live in a tank on my desk. My cat’s name is Brad and he likes to scream about ham. When I was a kid wild animals used to follow me like I was a Disney Princess. I’m a man now.

Contact Information  ––– –

@shallatel​ on Tumblr, Sinrael (Horde) or Shallatel (Alliance) in-game, ask me for my Discord if you want!

Please like and/or share this post if you’re in the WoW RPC and would like to interact!

[animentality]

So....so many...haunting...thoughts about cats.

- the HANDS. oh my god, the HANDS. They had HUMAN hands. HUMAN hands. Just thinking about them makes my stomach churn. 

- the CGI fur combined with the human lips and human noses and human cheeks, oh my lord, it was so messy, so unfinished, so inconsistent. Sometimes JHud had a furry nose, sometimes she didn’t. Judi Dench had an old lady’s bottom half of her face, but her fuzzy forehead and cheeks were disturbingly wavering over her whiskery chin. Her actual whiskers made me shudder. Jason Derulo’s horrible face haunts me...also he looked bad in the movie. 

- THE LEGS, OH GOD, THE LEGS. SO MANY CAT BUTTS AND CAT TAILS AND NAKED FURRY ALMOST-HUMAN ABOMINATIONS STRETCHING OUT THEIR TAILS AND ARCHING THEIR BACKS AND PRESENTING THEIR ASSES- ARGH, my eyes. 

- SO MANY CATS FLASHING THEIR NAKED GENITAL-LESS CROTCHES AND FLAUNTING THEIR CAT TITTIES AND SLINKING AROUND ON ALL FOURS WITH THEIR JAUNTY TAILS AND UGLY ROUND BUTTCHEEKS- every second that they existed before my eyelids leaves an impression so indelibly printed upon my psyche that halfway through the movie, I could’ve shrieked. 

- a bunch of cat women lick a milk bowl. there are several instances of creepy purring and pseudo-sexual nuzzling between cats that should not be sexually attracted to one another, and I’m not strong enough to go on, I can’t. 

- but I have to, because I cannot scream into the void, and if I don’t scream at all, it’ll be lost in the void where my soul once resided before cats clawed it out. 

- THE FEET. SOME CATS WORE SHOES. MOST DIDN’T. AND THE CGI WAS SO BAD THAT THEY CLIPPED THROUGH OBJECTS OR MADE CIRCA 2006- ANIMATION MOVEMENTS. I WAS HORRIFICALLY TRANSFIXED BY THEIR HUMAN/CAT FEET, WHICH WERE ALSO CONSISTENTLY INCONSISTENT. 

- Rebel Wilson eats cockroaches. That are human women. They are disgusting, in every way, offensive to all five senses, so bad you could taste the stony stench of death on your tongue, smell the sizzling scent of depravity and malevolent sexuality, hear your brains boiling and leaking out your ears as Rebel bit off the heads of her singing insect troupe. And the mice children, lord almighty Judeo-Christian God, the mice children. Horrifying, uncanny, so ugly that Jesus wept in anguish at the Garden of Gethsemane as he saw mankind’s wicked and licentious future. 

- Rebel also strips off her entire fur coat to reveal...a pink outfit and another fur coat. it is not explained, nor does it matter except when she de-gloves herself later to escape from a trap she could’ve escaped from hours ago if she were not an idiot. 

- Ian McKellen, why did you do this? Don’t you care about us? We have faithfully loved and supported you through out the years. Why now? What have we done to displease you? To be worthy of betrayal? 

- Idris Elba yanks off his coat and is so, horribly, irreversibly, painfully naked. His bare naked brown body was so uncomfortably humanly realistic that he didn’t look like a cat, just a nightmare. most of the cats weren’t colors that humans could be so it was like, ok they’re naked, but when they made the black man EXTREMELY BROWN, it just looked so much wronger. they did the same thing to JHUD but at least she kept her fucking coat on. 

- what was the plot? I googled it halfway through the movie and still couldn’t figure out what exactly was going on. 

- the music was intolerable. only “Memories” and the song sang by the two sibling/lovers was tolerable, and I say that generously. With great sorrow and confusion in my weary heart.

- I have never felt such hatred and contempt for James Corden.

- TAYLOR. why are you wearing heels??? it looked so wrong, for so many reasons, first and foremost that she looked even more naked because of it. her furry boobs and furry ass and furry striped legs and glittery silver heels all combined to assault my every nerve, arouse feelings of despair that I have never known before that hour. Her performance was...ok, but god the CGI. oh god, whoever went to school to study CGI to create Cats...I am not a praying man, but know that my conviction tends towards the side of compassion, so I say to you now: seek help. 

- francesca hayward points her foot at Jason Derulo, or some dude, I can’t remember or probably have blocked it out, and that cat then like, holds it as though to kiss it...and in many, many scenes, she lifts her leg high and puts out that cat coochy....and I have known great sorrow in this world of beasts. 

- alll in all....the worst film i have ever seen. ever. I will never see another film as awful as that. I will never know happiness again, and my night, and probably life, have been ruined. The only salvation I have is to wipe away the soiled memory of the hour and forty nine minutes I just witnessed and try to move on. To see the night as nothing but a blur of confusion, despair, hopeless anger, resignation, and impassioned misery. Good night, Tumblr. I must leave now, because darkness awaits. 

[thesunandseonghwa]

Shadows and Angels | Part Six

chan x reader / changbin x reader

warnings: violence, blood, mentions of death

see here for glossary for terms

masterlist

You’d been in your fair share of awkward car rides in your life but somehow this one felt infinitely different. Chan sat next to you, he hadn’t asked about what happened between Changbin and you.

Granted, he hadn’t seen anything. He would never know, Changbin had made it clear that no one need know of what happened between the two of you.

You caught Changbin’s gaze in the rear view mirror, he immediately looked away. You suddenly finding interest in your hands clasped in your lap. You wished Chan would start some sort of conversation with you just so you didn’t have to think about the way Changbin made you feel or his hands on the steering wheel.

And like your saving grace, Chan broke the silence, “I think we should talk to Jihyo and the Clave about this but y/n it’s your story to tell,”

“Tell the Clave? You realise that after the Cold Peace most Shadowhunters hate Seelies, according to the Clave she’s nothing but an abomination who they will gladly exhile,”

“He doesn’t mean that,”

“Oh I do,”

You rolled your eyes at Changbin’s comment, you were more curious about the Cold Peace he mentioned, “What’s the Cold Peace?”

“Some years ago, the Seelie Queen and her court sided with our enemy and waged war against Shadowhunters, lots of people died even more were hurt, according to the Cold Peace, our protection doesn’t extend to Seelies amongst other things,” Chan explained,

You didn’t know what to think of yourself anymore, you had slowly come to terms with the fact that you could be a Shadowhunter. It had felt right to hold a blade and now you didn’t know anymore. Did you side with these people who had been nothing but kind to you but who would never treat you the same if they found out your lineage?

And what about the Seelies? They had done something terrible but what was the reason? Why did your mother run away? Why leave you to be raised with mundanes? Surely they could’ve protected you, why make you feel the loss of not one set of parents but two?

Why, why, why?

You thought that after tonight you’d have no more questions, now it seemed like the unanswered questions continued to pile up. You peered out of the window, the road was somewhat empty. The streetlights were off, so the only light came form the headlights of the car. Strange.

“You’re part Shadowhunter too,” Chan reached for your hand, you gladly let him take it. His hand warm against your cold ones, “You’re one of us that means you’re under our protection and we’ll teach you how to protect yourself too,” 

Chan’s pretty mocha eyes held so much warmth and kindness, those eyes reminded you of hot chocolate and brought all the comfort of it, “Thank you, Chan, so do I get a cool glowing sword too or?”

He laughed, his dimples showing and a strange fluttering in your stomach at it. You hoped he would never lose that smile of his.You gripped his hand just a little tighter, your intertwined fingers resting on top of your thigh. A presence that kept you grounded as your head swirled with thoughts trying to make sense of everything that had happened and everything you had just learnt. 

And then the sound of Chan shouting Changbin’s name ripped through the air just as the car swerved, brakes screeching.

The force of the sudden stop, knocked the air out of your lungs. You looked up, Chan’s hand still tightly wrapped in yours. You held on so tight, you worried you might be hurting him. A dreadful feeling settling in your stomach, 

“What the hell was that?!” Changbin shouted, looking over the dashboard. You looked at Chan, his unoccupied hand on the hilt of his blade. You saw the look in his eyes, something was out there. Something that was most likely not very friendly.

“Y/N, stay inside the car,” Chan said, his hand slipping out of yours as he pushed his own car door open. 

“But-” You started as Chan closed it. He gave you a soft smile as if to comfort you. He quickly ran to Changbin’s side of the car, both them taking out their steles and running them over a few of their runes. They shared a look that seemed so intimate you felt rude watching. Changbin exited the car, a cold wind making you shiver as the door opened, 

“For once, do as your told and stay in the fucking car,” Changbin turned to face you for a moment, the sound of the car doors locking punctuating his words. 

He drew his two Seraph blades from their sheathes on his back. The blades glowing, lighting up the dark. Chan and Changbin’s advancing forward, weapons ready. Not an ounce of fear in their stances, black and blonde hair, light and dark. Like some avenging fallen angel with his angelic counterpart. 

You couldn’t see what exactly they were making their way towards from the backseat.You forced yourself through the small space, knocking your knees against the console as you did so. You settled in the passenger seat, craning your neck to glance the enemy. 

You wished you hadn’t looked. 

Demons.

The demons stalked towards the Shadowhunters easily double their size. You counted two of them, huge pincers where mouths should be and the skin of some overgrown cockroaches. You saw Changbin attack first, his blades swinging. Changbin fought with that same aggression you had seen in the practice room, calculated strikes with fierceness that you hadn’t noticed before. 

You couldn’t say the same for Chan where he was elegant Changbin’s lines were rough. They were so different even their fighting styles but together they seemed almost unstoppable. You instinctively reached for the small blade strapped to the side of your thigh. You didn’t know how to use it but just having a weapon in your hand made you feel a little less hopeless. 

You had no time to react as the door of the car was ripped open from its hinges and a man you had never seen before grabbed you. You tried to attack with your blade but he disarmed you, landing a cut across the back of your hand as he did so.

You mustered a scream just before he clamped a hand over your mouth, his voice deep at your ear, “Keep quiet and your Shadowhunters won’t have to face the wrath of our Queen as well,” 

A Seelie. 

You tried to think of anything, he had you pinned to his front with a knife to your throat.

 Come on, something in those self-defense classes had to be able to help you. You stomped on his foot as hard as you could and silently thanked Nayeon for the heels she’d let you wear. Fashionable and could probably break a toe. 

He stumbled and you took your chance, elbowing him in the nose as hard as you could. You freed yourself from his grip, grabbing the blade he’d dropped when he stumbled back. He stood before you now, dark blue hair and a beautiful face though now marred by blood running a steady stream from his nose, “You are a Shadowhunter indeed,” He said, wiping his nose with his sleeve. 

“Who are you?” You exclaimed, holding the blade out in front of you. 

“I’m like you except I am where I belong,” He said, taking a step towards you.

“Stay away from me!” You held blade up higher, “Call those things off!” 

“I’m afraid I can’t do that but I hope your boyfriend survives that demon bite, the Queen is coming for you and those Shadowhunters can only protect you for so long,” He chuckled, you immediately spun around at his mention of a demon bite, “This all happened because of you and so much worse is going to come,”

Chan was clutching his arm. His footsteps faltering, there was one demon left and Changbin was fighting with everything left in him. Chan fell to his knees and your heart dropped. You turned again and the Seelie was gone. You broke into a sprint, no care for the fact that you were running toward a demon with nothing but a tiny blade, 

“Chan!” You screamed, Changbin’s gaze flickered to Chan and then you running towards them then he was attacking again. Something unhinged within him this time, his blades were a blur as he kept the demon busy. You got to Chan, still on his knees. He was clutching his arm. 

“You were supposed to stay in the car,” Chan chastised you, he tried to stand but he faltered, “Changbin needs help, he can’t-” 

“Changbin won’t be okay if you aren’t!” You exclaimed, grabbing his face in your hands, “Tell me what to do to help you,” 

“Stele, healing rune,” He muttered before his eyes began fluttering, you laid his head in your lap. Sparing a quick glance for Changbin who had finally slain the demon and was running towards the two of you,”He said he needs a healing rune,”

“Obviously!” Changbin barked, grabbing his stele and marking a rune onto Chan’s palid skin near to his injured arm. You wiped the sweat from Chan’s forehead, he was feverish. 

“Shouldn’t his fever be breaking, don’t these things work fast?!” You shouted at Changbin, you knew you you had no right to shout at Changbin. He was more worried than you were, 

“We need to get back to the institute,” Changbin exclaimed, you could see the fear in his eyes. It was clear as daylight, he was as dishevelled and panicked as you were. He helped Chan to his feet, both of you helping him along to the car.

“Why is there a door missing on the car?” Changbin asked, 

“I’ll explain later,” You said, as you got into the car. Chan sprawled across the backseat, his head in your lap. Changbin spared one more worried glance from the driver’s seat at his Parabatai before starting the car. 

“Chan, you’re going to be okay,” You whispered, looking down at his half-lidded eyes with a tenderness you didn’t know you had in you,

“I know,” He muttered, some semblance of a smile on his face,

“How can you smile at a time like this?” You said softly, you couldn’t help the grin that overtook your features. Mirroring his. 

“It’s easy when I have someone as pretty as you worried about me,” 

If he hadn’t just been bitten by a demon and stricken with a fever, you would have punched him, you felt heat rush to your cheeks.

And you hoped Changbin didn’t see it. 

                                 ━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━ 

It had been roughly three days since Chan had been injured. You couldn’t bring yourself to go see him at the infirmary, not knowing he’d been injured because of you. You sat on the edge of your bed in your room at the institute, looking at your hand wrapped in a strip of material from the dress you’d bean wearing when you first arrived here. You didn’t want to bother anyone with your tiny little injury. You suspected you might need stitches due to the deepness of the cut but that could wait, you’d survive a cut. You hated yourself for what happened to Chan and the way that Seelie had taunted you was still fresh in your mind. Where you belonged, He had said he was like you. Half shadowhunter and half Seelie. Maybe you did belong in the Seelie court. 

You were forced out of your thoughts by a knock at your door, you were surprised when you saw Chan there. Looking the picture of perfect health, you immediately hid your hand behind your back.

“Did no one see to that cut?” Chan asked, his brows furrowing.

“It’s nothing, are you okay?” You asked, gesturing to his arm.

“An iratze from your parabatai and some rest can do wonders,” He chuckled, “That’s besides the point, do you want me to give you one?“ 

 "A healing rune for a little cut seems a little silly,” You observed the runes on Chan’s skin, on his arms and a few peeking out on his chest. The runes were so dark that they shown black through his white t-shirt.

 "Normally a Shadowhunter’s first rune is the voyance rune but that’s just tradition,“ Chan said, bringing his stele out. He twirled it in his fingers, you contemplated the whole idea. 

 "The healing rune is that one, right?” You gestured to the mark on his bicep, “I saw Changbin draw it for you,”

It was probably just another rune to him and you were technically a Shadowhunter even if you weren’t yet trained. You didn’t know why it felt like such a big step. Maybe because it was permanent. It would solidify your decision, it would mean you had accepted this life. In a way it signified forgoing your old one.

“So is it a yes or a no? Or would you like Nayeon or someone else to do it? I won’t be offended if you don’t want me to do it,” You looked at the boy, Chan, the one who saved you and had been unbelievably kind to you. 

His bleached hair blonde hair sitting untidy on his head like he’d been running his fingers through it all morning so far. Gearing up your resolve, you nodded slowly. Chan came to stand before you at the edge of your bed, you looked up at him.

Face filled with concern, "This won’t hurt at all, it might tingle or burn just a little,“ 

 You took a deep breath and nodded your head once again, “Can you do it here?”

You unbuttoned the first few buttons of your own shirt, gesturing to a space just under your collarbone. In truth, you didn’t want it to be somewhere someone could easily see. Maybe you were ashamed or maybe you simply didn’t want it to be visible.

“Is it alright if I touch you?” Chan asked, thoughtfully. His hand resting just above your shoulder once he noted you nodding, his hand came to rest next to spot to steady you.

He held his stele to your skin, lingering just above it, “Here goes,”

 A strange sensation coursed through your veins as he drew the rune followed by a wave of something that made you feel instantly more clear-headed. Chan then began unwrapping the cloth on your hand. 

The cut was gone! Not even a scar!

 You looked at Chan in surprise, he laughed at your expression, “Thank you, Chan," 

 "Not a problem,” He grinned, those damned dimples of his showing. You ran a finger over the rune on your skin, amazed.

You looked up into Chan’s eyes, you registered his face nearing and his gaze flicker to your lips before meeting your eyes again. He stopped a few inches from your face, your lips a hair’s breadth apart.

 "Would it be weird if I told you I really want to kiss you right now?“ Chan whispered, his gaze holding yours.

 "No, not at all,” You laughed, his hands came up to cup your face then his lips came to meet yours in a soft caress. 

You hated yourself for comparing but it was nothing like Changbin had been. This was gentle and welcoming. Slow and careful. He made no move to pull you close like a man starved, he did not rush to taste you like it was the last time he ever would. You leaned back against the bed, taking Chan with you. His body warm on top of your own, his hand slipped to your waist. 

Your own hands tangling in his blonde curls. Chan suddenly pulled away from you, he observed your expression for a moment before speaking, “This means something to me, you mean something to me and I have no intention of just using you, you’re special to me, I’ve known that since I saw you in that stupid club," 

You let your hand rest against his cheek, he leaned into the touch. A subtle blush had begun blooming on his pale skin. His words made your heart feel uncharacteristically light. You smiled before you leaned in again, sealing his words away with a kiss. You could tell him you were glad you met him too, you could tell him that you had cried yourself to sleep while he was injured. Afraid he might die, all because of you. You didn’t know if that constituted as feelings for him but you knew that you wanted to feel anything else except the sadness and the cold sense of dread you’d felt since that conversation with that Seelie. Since everything that had happened to you.

Chan was warmth, he was the embodiment of the feeling of coming home after a long day. A feeling you hadn’t felt in so long. You held onto that feeling as his kisses trailed down to your neck. Your hands tangled in the strands of his hair, your shared breathing becoming all the more laboured. Your eyes closed, relishing in the feeling. His hand warming the skin you hadn’t even realised was cold, your waist, your thighs, everywhere. 

You couldn’t help the laughter that burst forth from you when his lips met a certain spot on your neck, you hadn’t laughed like that in days, possibly months. Chan’s eyes met yours, you saw so much tenderness, hope and something else you dare not speak there and you couldn’t help but bring his lips to yours again.

You both however were unaware of the other boy who had frozen at your door, seeing something he knew would happen but that didn’t make the shattering of glass he felt in his chest hurt any less. He had turned around and left with his fists clenched at his sides tightly and he was pretty sure he drew blood. 

[galionne-vibin]

Welcome to Earth - Chapter 2: Radio Silence

Title: Welcome to Earth

Chapter: 2/3 (Previous Chapter) (Next Chapter)

Summary: Gigan awakens in Seatopia to Megalon's friendly face, a bunch of Seatopians- and a completely silent mind.

Warning(s): None

A/N: You thought this fic was dead, didn't you? Well so did I! I've been struggling with this chapter for MONTHS (I unfortunately hit a big "stress and panic" moment while working on this due to college work and some (minor) health issues, which I think really impacted my energy for writing this specifically). BUT! Here's chapter 2, finally! Hope you enjoy! (And sorry if it's a bit messy)

Read on Ao3 or below.

Gigan groaned and stirred as consciousness began ever so slowly pulling him out of his slumber. His mind felt hazy and his body incredibly heavy, weighed down by the lethargy still coursing through him. He took long, deep breath as bits and pieces of information pushed their way back into his brain. It was all muddled together but he was beginning to remember a desertic scenery, a fight...

He exhaled deeply as he tried to collect his thoughts.

So the Nebulans had sent him to Earth, that he remembered... They had sent him over to help some of their allies cause some well deserved mayhem and destruction on the planet's surface. And there was this other kaiju... Ah yes, Megalon was his name. The giant beetle with drills for hands... Not the brightest of beings but a good fighting partner nonetheless. Although that fight... Considering Gigan barely remembered anything from it, he must have received a pretty ruthless beating.

He sighed and focused on his body, trying to put his senses to work. It took a few minutes before he finally became more aware of his surroundings: he was lying on his side, the ground beneath him hard and rough but surprisingly warm. The air smelled faintly of salt, heated metal and smoke. There was a lingering taste of blood on his tongue and his throat felt incredibly dry for some reason. He coughed lightly at the unpleasant sensation- only for it to turn into a full-on coughing fit as his throat tightened painfully. He hacked and gasped for several minutes, clenching his teeth and wheezing once it was over, trying to catch his breath. As a few more seconds passed, he suddenly heard a faint noise which slowly grew louder, sounding like a high pitched cry of some sort. It felt... Familiar, although he couldn't quite make out if it was saying anything. He tried to concentrate on it but to no avail. His hearing and his translator hadn't quite re-adjusted yet it seemed...

Gigan mumbled a little. Some more memories of the fight were coming back to him ; namely Godzilla's presence. Of course that radioactive mutant would show up to ruin his fun... Although this time, rather than the angry "ball-of-spikes-on-legs" that usually accompanied him, Godzilla had become allied with some sort of giant humanoid robot- an abomination created by humans, he assumed. A supposed 'equal' to creatures like he and Megalon...

"Can you hear me?"

Oh. Speaking of Megalon.

Now that his hearing had come back, Gigan could tell that was definitely the giant beetle's voice he'd been hearing. He groaned and nodded slowly before turning on his visor, causing it to emit a small flash of red light.

"You're alive!" the beetle kaiju cheered.

Had Gigan had functional eyeballs, he would have rolled them. He looked up and paused for a moment as he took in his surroundings.

The two giants were in what appeared to be a large cave of red mineral, the ground covered in a thin layer of dust. About twenty or so cables of varying color and width snaked along the rocks above them, a few of them disappearing into the rather sizable round lamps hanging down from the ceiling. There was moss growing in uneven green patches on the cave walls ; water trickling down through cracks in the rocks here and there.

Megalon himself was sitting opposite to Gigan with his back against the wall. His arms were splayed out to his sides, resting on two odd metal scaffolding-like structures which crept upwards along the stone. As he squinted, the cyborg could see a dozen of humans on either structure, seemingly working away at Megalon's drills- presumably the reason he could smell heated metal earlier...

"-Where are we?, he asked tiredly. -In Seatopia, the giant beetle responded cheerfully. -Seatopia...?"

The name rang a bell... Gigan looked around some more, spotting some houses and other similar buildings towards the end of the tunnel. If he remembered correctly, the Nebulans had referred to the allies he was supposed to help as "the Seatopians". So this must be their kingdom... Gigan frowned.

"-Why did you bring me here? -You were hurt, so we needed to fix you. -Did you contact the Mothership?"

Despite Megalon's lack of facial muscles and inability to frown, Gigan could see the confusion in his yellow multi-faceted eyes.

"-The... What? Who? -The Nebulan Mothership. I was supposed to go back to it ; did you manage to contact it?"

The beetle's antennae twitched.

"What are you talking about...?"

Gigan groaned and began sitting up, pushing himself up with his bladed arms which were folded beneath his body.

"-Wait, Megalon said as he leaned forwards ever so slightly, You shouldn't- -Did you ask the- AAAH!"

A high pitched cry escaped the cyborg as he felt pain shoot up his right arm and bounce around the rest of his body. He jumped up into a sitting position, holding the agonizing limb to his side as he tried to catch his breath, the pain blinding even his visual receptors. Suddenly, the image of his arm being grabbed by two hands of metal flashed in his mind. He remembered Godzilla's robotic ally attacking him ; savagely breaking his limb with one swift movement of its knee… Once the pain subsided, he looked down and was surprised to find his arm encased in what appeared to be a contraption of black metal and plastic. It kept the limb bent at an angle and secured it from moving too much. He poked at the metal curiously.

"-What... Is that...? -The robot broke your arm, so we put a cast on it to fix it! You never had a cast before?"

Gigan was silent for a moment before shaking his head. The Nebulans didn't really do 'fixing' as much as 'replacing'... Which they were probably going to do anyway, once he got back to the Mothership... There was another moment of silence before the cyborg sighed.

"-Listen, I don't think I should be here. Can you tell me where the exit is- -Oh! And we had to take another thing out of your head that was hurting you, too. -Out of my head...?"

Gigan felt a weight in the pit of his stomach.

"-What did you remove? -Oh, It was just this little metal thing..."

The gigantic beetle turned towards the other side of the cave and let out a call, slightly lower than his usual roar. It took a few minutes before a human appeared at the entrance of the cave carrying what looked like a flat, metal slate which was nearly half his height. The newcomer was dressed in all white and silver and carried himself with great confidence in his stride. Gigan watched as the other Seatopians bowed before him, leaving him room as he walked by them. He approached the two giants with his head held high ; no fear or even the slightest hint of hesitation in his eyes. The cyborg was a little taken aback by this attitude. He watched as the human looked up at him, still silent, before slowly setting the metal artifact down before him. He then turned to Megalon who let out an approving sound and bowed to the gigantic beetle, before promptly leaving.

Gigan watched him go, still a little taken aback. Humans usually ran away in utter terror when they saw him, they didn't casually stroll by to bring him gifts... He huffed and carefully slid his left blade beneath the object to pick it up and inspect it.

It was a bit hard to identify ; especially because it was completely burned and had apparently been deformed under great heat. Gigan could tell it was originally supposed to have a somewhat green color and a rectangular shape. It was also still very lightweight and had, although they were damaged, about half a dozen metal downwards-pointing pins attached to either of its longer sides. Gigan also noted it was roughly the size of one of his scales- and smelled faintly of his own blood, too... He looked up at Megalon, feeling uneasy.

"-Are you sure this came out of my head...? -Yeah!, the Seatopian kaiju nodded, It was hurting you and you were trying to pull it out, so we did it for you. And then you passed out..."

There was a moment of silence, before he asked:

"-... What is it? -It's a microchip, Gigan explained. -What's that? What does it do? -A lot of things really... Wait, how do you not know-..."

The cyborg trailed off as he noticed a symbol on the back of the artifact. It was barely visible and scorched over but he could recognize the simplified drawing of an orange cockroach- the Nebulans' signature. Gigan felt his stomach twist.

"Why would they chip me...?"

Something was wrong, but he couldn't quite pinpoint what...

That's when he noticed the silence.

He could still hear sounds ; his own breathing, the Seatopians' tools working away on metal, Megalon's wings scraping against the cave wall... He could still hear things from the outside. But his mind was completely silent.

"You have to put it back."

Megalon's antennae twitched as he looked at the cyborg quizzically.

"-Uh? What- -You have to put it back in my head! Now!"

The color had drained from Gigan's face. He began trembling as the realization of what had happened took hold of him.

"I can't hear the voice without this! That's-! I-! I need it!"

The gigantic beetle was taken aback by his counterpart's sudden outburst. He pulled his drills out of the metal structures in one swift movement and held them flat-side up against the edge of the platforms, waiting for the Seatopian workers to get on before carefully lowering them to the ground and quickly ushering them away. He had no idea what Gigan was panicking about, but he knew better than to let his people get in harm's way...

He turned back to the cyborg who was frantically looking around and breathing loud and hard.

“-Why do you want it back?, he began, It- -You don’t understand!, Gigan cut him off almost immediately, I need the voice! I-I don’t know what to do without it! -What are you talking about?! What voice?!”

Gigan swallowed thickly, shaking.

“-The voice in my head! The voice that tells me what to do! I need it! I-I can’t do anything without it! I need the chip to hear it! -But it was hurting you! -I NEED IT BACK-”

Gigan was interrupted by a sudden flash of blinding white light and the sharp sound of electricity crackling all around him. He stumbled back with a cry and hit his back against the wall, dropping the chip as he did. He coughed and looked up to see Megalon looming over him, the occasional spark of electricity still bouncing off of his horn. The beetle kaiju remained silent as he walked towards him. His foot bumped lightly into the chip as he took another step, stopping him in his tracks. He briefly looked down at it before looking back up at the cyborg.

Gigan didn't have time to utter a single word before the chip was crushed under Megalon's foot.

He opened his mouth for a few seconds before closing it, speechless. Instead, he only stared at the other kaiju in disbelief.

"It was hurting you, Megalon simply stated as he sat back down, I don't know what voice you're talking about, but that..."

He lifted his foot, revealing the shattered pieces of the chip.

"It was bad. It was making you scream and burning you, so we took it out to help you. We're not putting it back in your head."

Gigan remained silent, staring at the broken pieces under Megalon's foot.

 It was hurting you...

He brought his left arm up and behind his head, running the blunt side of his blade against the back of his neck. There was a distinct spot where scales were missing and he hissed lightly in pain as he touched raw, burned flesh instead of his usual thick hide. There was also some kind of scarred hole in his flesh where he assumed the chip was implanted. So they really had chipped him... But why? Why would they do this? Sure, they'd thrown all kinds of prosthetics and gadgets on his body before- blades, his universal translator, his visor ; even his beak was made of steel. But chips were different... Chipping was for machines. To tell them what to do, to keep them under control...

Gigan's chest suddenly tightened painfully, leaving him breathless for a few seconds as the Voice's last order rang in his head.

     "Return to the Mothership..."  

By all logic, that's what he should be doing. Listening to those disembodied which had guided him his whole life ; this empty tone he knew so well...

But despite all the logic and familiarity involved, something felt incredibly wrong. The thought of going back to the Nebulans was making Gigan... Uneasy. He had been fighting for them for as long as he could remember ; if anything that was all he knew. His entire life consisted of nothing but battles and destruction...

And yet.

He couldn’t help but think back to his fight with Godzilla and the robot… Being thrown around like a rag doll, punched, kicked, burned ; getting his arm shattered… He was reminded of Godzilla’s atomic ray hitting him in the head and the pure, blinding agony that had followed ; reminded of how he’d completely lost control of his body as he lay helpless on the ground. Megalon caught him shaking lightly and pressed the tip of his drill against his arm gently.

“-Are you okay? -I… Don’t know…”

Gigan swallowed thickly, mindlessly running his left blade over his cast and toying with the straps.

“I should go back, but I… It sounds wrong...”

The words barely made any sense to the cyborg. How could something he was so familiar with suddenly feel so foreign and unsettling? What was this weight in the pit of his stomach? Megalon gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder.

“If you don’t want to go back you don’t have to.”

Gigan paused.

“-Don’t “want” to…? -Yeah, you know… If it makes you feel bad, then you shouldn’t go back.”

The cyborg fell silent again, pondering the question. This was new... This gut feeling... None of the Voice's orders had ever made him feel like that before...

He looked down at the destroyed chip with a worsening feeling of dread, a shiver trailing up his spine. Was this why? Was it because of this minuscule device that he'd never felt anything similar before? Why he'd never tried to go against the Voice's orders before? Did it control his emotions? Was this how the Nebulans had kept him fighting for so long?

He turned to Megalon, feeling a little light headed.

"What... What do I do?"

The large beetle was a little taken aback by the tone in Gigan's voice and the look on his face. Despite the cyborg having no real eyes he could still read the fear in him... And although he didn't really understand what he was fearing, he also knew he had to help. He pressed his drill against Gigan's arm, giving it a gentle rub.

"You can stay here if you want... You're hurt and Godzilla and the robot might still be out there, so maybe it's better for you to stay in Seatopia until you feel better..."

Gigan's visor flickered for a moment before its light was dimmed, indicating he had 'closed his eyes'. If it was a question of not making him feel 'bad', as Megalon put it, then staying in Seatopia certainly sounded like the right option.

As if he had any other...

He didn't know anything outside of the Nebulan fleet and this single cave. If he didn't pick one or the other then he'd have nowhere to go. And in that case, the choice was simple...

"I'm staying."

Megalon's antennae perked up.

"Really?"

Gigan nodded and gave a gentle sigh, the light in his visor flickering back on.

"I don't know what else to do... So I'll stay here for now."

Before the cyborg had even finished his sentence Megalon clapped his drills together, letting out an excited sound which Gigan assumed was both a laugh and an exclamation of joy.

"Great! Great! You'll see, it's great down here!"

He pushed himself up and stumbled awkwardly for a second before catching himself.

"Come on! I'll show you around!"

Gigan sighed as he stood up, following an excited oversized beetle through the tunnels of his new temporary home.

What kind of mess had he gotten himself into now...?

[theteaisaddictive]

It just hit me in a flash that i never asked for your thoughts/rankings of the Cats 2019 soundtrack. Please forgive my ignorance and bestow the gift of your wisdom upon us

i have been caught in a whirlwind of events, which is why i have not responded sooner, but i’m currently home sick so what better excuse is there to wax evangelical (evan . . . jellicle??) about the cats movie soundtrack than this precise moment

i. jellicle songs for jellicle cats

i mean. well. first things first, it was recorded in advance (i assume that the 90s version was a live recording, but i could be wrong here) so of course it is going to sound awkward and stilted. this is nothing compared to how awkward and unnatural it is to see a bunch of actors naked save for cgi fur and ken-doll-like crotches singing and . . . uh, i think they’re dancing? -- around the white cat victoria, who did not have nearly so big a part from what i can digest of the 90s youtube clips. my favourite part has to be the fucking techno beat though. god damn. party on, you funky little abominations.

ii. the naming of cats/the invitation to the jellicle ball

yes, i will be smushing the exposition-related songs together unless i feel like separating them. this is my life, these are my choices. idk, it was fine?? i guess? munkustrap (aka The Main Cat Who Isn’t Victoria or Judi Dench and Quite Frankly Deserved Better Because He Was Giving This Performance His All) kind of just says the naming instead of it being a company-wide thing. they did not include bombalurina or demeter’s names in the naming, and this was the point at which i realised that the big name stars were not, in fact, going to lounge around in the background for the entirety of the play like they do in the musical. :(

the invitation also sees my Sweet Boy mr mistoffelees get his first solo line, which is good bc i fell in love with his sweet little face over the course of the film, and bad bc it marks the start of the absurd victoria/mr mistoffelees subplot which i am convinced was put in because of course a plotless weirdmageddon like cats needs a romantic subplot

iii. the old gumbie cat

something that needs mentioning is that idris elba shows up as macavity at various points in-between songs. i’m pretty sure he shows up for the first time here and like, tries to lure victoria away?? i think?? anyway it obviously does not work bc unfortunately we are stuck with victoria for the entire film, so onto the gumbie cat song we go.

what can i say about the rebel wilson song that hasn’t already been said. she unzips her skin. the cockroaches are uncanny in the extreme. there are slater-sized mice played by children. there is no funky tap routine, or if there is it was erased from my mind by the frequent awkward gaps in which rebel wilson attempted to be funny. dear god. 

iv. the rum tum tugger

miiiiilllllkk

ok, ok, fine. jason derulo gave a fun, lively performance and didn’t even have the decency to do a bad english accent, which means there is at least one song which i have to genuinely like and can’t just like ironically. but also miiiiillllkkk why is there a milk bar in london which is perfectly cat-sized whyyyy. 

v. grizabella

i am going to be honest. i think that this song appeared later in the movie, but the soundtrack only lists ‘highlights’ so it doesn’t appear in the track list. idk what to say. there are some girl cats (unnamed, although i think they have names in the stage version) who are mean to grizabella and then they say that she started working for macavity?? i’m not sure if this does or does not imply that he became her pimp, although he certainly has the coat and hat for it, which only raises more questions which i dare not put voice to.

vi. bustopher jones

fuck james corden. what the fuck did he do to the refined, fat old cat who frequents gentleman’s clubs and only dines on the finest stuff?? he made him dig around in the rubbish bins and interrupt the song twice to make ‘jokes’ about how fat he is. god i cannot fuckign stand james corden and i do not think he’s funny so i’m aware i may be biased but still. god. 

oh yes and then at the end macavity lures him over to a giant bin (in full view of the other cats, might i add) and thanos snaps him out of existence, but sadly not out of the movie. rebel wilson also got thanos-snapped earlier i just forgot to mention it.

vii. mungojerrie and rumpleteazer

i understand that this melody is the original melody and that the melody used in the 90s recording was a change made for broadway; however, this was the most boring fucking song in the movie and they should have used the broadway version, good night. also victoria is there while they burgle the house, for some reason, bc having an audience surrogate means she needs to be in Every Fucking Scene, so that was a Choice.

viii. old deuteronomy

a nice, sweet song introducing judi dench, sung by munkustrap in such a manner that i began to wonder if he was like, her boytoy or something. also the nuzzling is, like, out of control. i know there’s nuzzling in the stage version, but onstage they're also all crawling around on all fours and stuff whereas here they’re bipedal most of the time. it makes it look like everyone is constantly going in for a kiss when they’re actually just being sociable, and it is fucking disorienting.

ix. the jellicle ball

by the way, the jellicle ball itself takes place in some sort of cat-friendly dilapidated theatre, and it is both the weirdest and least weird thing about this whole movie. 

idk, it was fine?? oh wait, i actually forgot -- so waaaaay back at the start, victoria has a famous solo which wasn’t actually a solo in this version but danced with munkustrap, which . . . .was a Choice. so now she dances with like five different male cats, and it gets frantic, and Every Single Cat is just tearing it up on the dance floor, seriously the dancers in this are incredible, and then i think they all collapse on the floor in a heap, and it was at this point that i learned to be thankful i was not subjected to watching a cgi cat orgy while sitting next to my horrified sister

x. grizabella the glamour cat/memory (prelude)

like i said, i can’t remember what order this happens on the movie, so i’m taking the tracklist from the olc on genius. anyway victoria sneaks out for . . . reasons, and she sees grizabella. and grizabella is sad, and sings her song in the first person, because demeter got cut, because fuck demeter, i guess. oh yeah, and tom hooper, he of the masterful subtlety, had jennifer hudson sitting at a lamppost with withered leaves collected at her feet which she pointed to at the relevant lines. i’m surprised he didn’t add a sound effect of a moaning wind.

xi. beautiful ghosts

this was the song that taylor swift wrote for the movie and by god can you tell. it is incredibly jarring and serves no purpose (beyond, i guess, the purpose of deepening the nothing character of victoria), and -- ugh. look, it’s a pretty little song, and both victoria and taylor swift sing it well, but it’s thoroughly unnecessary. it’s like ‘suddenly’ in 2012 les mis -- why is this here??

xii. gus the theatre cat

i am not ashamed to admit that ian mckellen ‘singing’ gus the theatre cat was enough to bring a tear to my eye. because, well. the man may not have sung, but by god he acted. i challenge anyone with a heart to sit through all of cats and not even feel the slightest tug at their heartstrings when gus’s song plays. not even judi dench lifting one leg in appreciation could completely break the mood. oh wait. it did. (also gus got thanos-snapped by macavity immediately after exiting the stage)

xiii. skimbleshanks the railway cat

oooooh fuck YESSSSSS this is the single best song in the whole damn film. skimbleshanks himself?? wonderful. iconic. beautiful. his tap routine?? inspired. he’s skimbleshanks the railway cat -- the cat on the railway train! he inexplicably is wearing red dungarees, making him the fourth cat to be wearing clothes for no reason, and at the very end he spins like a top all the way into the air, before being thanes-snapped out of existence (but happily, not out of the movie) by.....

xiv. macavity the mystery cat

taylor swift is there. she’s undressed except for her cgi fur and a pair of stage heels. she starts tapping her little container of catnip over the collective of cats, causing munkustrap to make the sort of face you see reeve!superman make when he’s being poisoned by kryptonite, except that he is a cat being drugged with catnip and it is hard to take him seriously as a result. the song itself is a perfect guilty pleasure. taylor swift’s accent is shitty enough that you can enjoy the ridiculousness of the entire situation. idris elba cuts in to join the final chorus on ‘the Napoleon of criiiiiimmme’ and then he takes off his pimp coat and is . . . distressingly nude for the rest of the film. he dances briefly with taylor swift. it’s a thing.

anyway they thanos-snap judi dench to a boat on the thames bc she won’t let him go to cat heaven and the rest of the cats are left discombobulated. this is when Local Sadboy mr mistoffelees is uh, peer-pressured into attempting to magic judi dench back to the cats. bc mr mistoffelees has an arc now, you guys. and his arc?? is about getting his mojo back.

xv. mister mistoffelees

this song is also sung in first person by mistoffelees, which makes less sense when you get to the second verse, but whatever the movie only has about twenty minutes left let's just do it. it’s a solid song, but they keep pausing after every chorus to see if he can get judi dench back yet, which really dampens the groove that they have going on. anyway, they get her back, mr mistoffelees believes in himself now, yadda yadda yadda. meawhile back on the boat, this dickhead apparently didn’t bother to teleport the other cats back, so they fight their way out and rebel willson unzips her skin again. at this point in the cinema i was praying for mercy.

xvi. memory

memory was a song. it was clearly sung with a lot of emotion. for me, personally?? that emotion did not connect. sorry jennifer hudson. oh yeah also victoria has a verse in this song and i mentally wanted to s c r e am because this is not your fucking moment victoria, let the sad jennifer hudson cat belt her lungs out in peace

xvii. the ad-dressing of cats

god. let it end. let it end. this last ‘song’ was dragged out minute after minute after minute. judi dench looked into my very soul when she told me a cat was not a dog, and i still don’t know what she found there. when she started talking about cream and pie i could see munkustrap, he of the Giving This Performance His All, continue his impeccable acting by making faces of delight at her words. oh, munkustrap. even now, at the very end, you brought me joy. thank you, dear cat. thank you. 

[benisasoftboi]

Cats (2019) Review

Are you ready for my extremely hot and controversial take?

Are you sure? Are you sitting down?

Okay.

It’s not actually that bad.

I know. I was surprised too. 

Look, I’m not defending the character design choices. They’re horrible. They’re abominations. And there are definitely some very bad scenes (the cockroach scene and the end of the train song are the clips I’ve seen passed around the most), and they deserve to be mocked. And it is, without a doubt, uncomfortably horny. And they also sing into the camera a lot, which I disapprove of strongly.

But you know what? That Rotten Tomatoes review that’s like ‘I didn’t hate it’? Same. Hell, there were even one or two moments where I found myself wondering it this was, dare I think it - good, actually? And then it would cut to a close up of Sir Ian McKellen in full cat special effects licking something out of a bowl and... never mind.

But still! Cats, as a musical, is not famous for having the best songs, but I thought here they were pretty well done. I thought everything flowed very well (aside from the infamous cockroach bit), I really liked a lot of the transitions actually, and the scene direction was good. I’ve heard some complained about the choreography being different from the stage version, but I personally think that’s a silly complaint as movie musicals give everyone a lot more space to work with, and they chose to take full advantage of that. It did lead to a lot of scenes being overly busy, which probably would have been less of an issue if it weren’t for the horrible, horrible character design, but I’ve seen worse. I enjoy the kind of fast moving, sleek, and, well, feline movement and dance that Cats uses, it’s pleasing to watch (though at the start the jumping was quite stilted, like watching actors using wires and harnesses - you know, the kind of stilted that’s acceptable on stage, but not in a movie? - almost like they’d filmed the actors doing just that and added fur). 

It does run into an issue that a lot of movie musicals run into, which is that musicals (plays in general, really, but musicals especially) are more often than not designed to be stories told in two parts. This means that about halfway through we reach an emotional climax and conclusion, which at a staged production would be the act break - but in a film, they just have to keep going, which feels weird from a story flow perspective. Luckily, Cats barely has a story, so it doesn’t hurt things too much. That was actually the main problem the people I saw it with had, that the story makes no sense and all the characters are pretty flat - but that’s a Cats problem, not a Cats (2019) problem. 

I want to praise the actors though, because I thought most of them did a good job. I did not like James Corden or Rebel Wilson, but that was because they were basically just playing themselves, which with those two can work in sitcoms or low brow comedy films, but doesn’t at all fit the sort of whimsical, ethereal tone and setting Cats is meant to have. Taylor Swift was also... weird. But I liked everyone else - personal standouts for me were Laurie Davidson (Mr. Mistoffelees) and Francesca Hayward (Victoria). They’re both pretty new actors, and I really hope the response to this doesn’t hurt their careers, because I’d like to see more of them. It probably helped that they had some of the least offputting designs of the lot, but I really did just generally enjoy their performances. And I have to commend the choice to use a film newcomer with stage experience (as a dancer) in the lead. Musical adaptations tend to cast really big names, because musicals, as a genre, aren’t super popular - except it doesn’t work because people who don’t like musicals are not going to watch one no matter who’s in it, and people who do like them often find this practice really annoying and disrespectful to the talented stage actors who helped make the show they loved popular enough to warrant a film version. Obviously Cats does this too, but I like that we got some smaller names as well.

However, the fact remains that the visuals are what they are - which is terrible. And that is what this film will be forever known for. One of the friends I was with asked what the main appeal of the stage version of Cats is meant to be, and I said it’s the way it looks, the dancing, the aesthetic. Which made him laugh a lot, considering what we’d just sat through. 

If they’d either A) Done this as a fully animated film with stylised literal cats or B) Just used the stage costumes, this movie would have been fine - not perfect, but fine. Maybe even good! Would have been watched by the theatre crowd and gently squabbled about while the rest of the world quietly ignored it. Instead, this mess happened.

Then again, I’ve never been a huge Cats fan, so I don’t think I’d have bothered going to see it if it hadn’t become infamous as it is. Take that as you will

[aubretia23]

Lip balm

Inspired by my new lipbalm as well as my brother’s rather pertinent observations about female makeup. Boruto and Sarada are nearly fourteen out here.

……

Boruto stared blankly at the blue sky above in a daze. If one were to ask him about the stupidly mellow look on his face, he was sure that he could only gurgle out something incoherent. His entire face was burning red. The tips of his limbs felt as though they have been set on fire. His brain was mush. His entire body felt though it had been turned to jelly. His lips still tasted like berries.

Berry-flavoured lipbalm.

Sarada’s lipbalm.

Boruto felt his entire body explode like a supernova at the thought of her. Falling on the ground over his back, Boruto tried to fight back the urge to squeal indecently and grabbed onto thin air to get himself back under control. Beating his thoughts back into coherence, Boruto tried to make sense of the events that transpired over the past few hours.

…..

Sarada, on their way back to Konoha from a three-day long escort mission, had requested for a short shopping break. “It will be only for an hour, Konohamaru-sensei.” was all she quipped before she ran off towards the very glitzy and very feminine looking shop. Large posters advertising abominable amounts of feminine products completely eclipsed its glass windows.

Boruto had known his childhood friend to be a tomboy but not a stereotypical one. She liked her clothes stylish, elegant and neatly ironed. She was not scared of lizards and cockroaches. She liked her nails clean and shurikens hitting the target perfectly. She liked history books, mystery movies and romance novels. She had a sweet tooth and liked black tea. She liked breaking her targets’ jaws with a single punch.

So, when that weird specimen of the female species came up with the sudden demand that she needed to buy a certain beauty product that was recently launched only in the Land of Wind and yet to be available in the Land of Fire, the looks she received from her three male teammates ranged from mild surprise to genuine dumbfoundedness. It’s not that they had had never seen Sarada using beauty products, it’s just that she never brought up such a topic with them, especially during missions. Sarada was always focused during her missions and “beauty” was the sacred territory which could only be shared with Chocho or her mother.

The marketplace of the town they were halting at in the Land of Wind was bustling with people. After Sarada had left without revealing what this urgently needed beauty product was, Konohamaru-sensei and Mitsuki decided to look for supplies. It’s November and tonight was going to be especially chilly but Konohamaru wanted to reach Konoha as soon as possible. Hence, the night will be spent camping outdoors covering as much distance as possible.

“Stay with her.” Konohamaru instructed his blonde student prior to leaving.

“Huh, why do I need to? Sarada can handle herself.”

“I know - kore. But I don’t like sending her off alone. Just stay with her.”

“Ugh, alright - ttebasa.”

It was no secret that the team led by Konohamaru was politically high profile, consisting of the Hokage’s eldest child, the younger child of the Leader of the Village Hidden in Sound, and the sole heiress to the prestigious Uchiha clan. Criminals and worse had tried to abduct all three members of the genin team individually at one point of time or the other. However, when the three were together, nobody stood a chance. The trio were the miniature neo-Sannin in making, together overcoming whatever shortcomings they might have individually.

Sighing to himself and crossing his arms up behind his head, Boruto manages to slip into the ridiculously overcrowded shop. Letting his arms fall with a sigh and scanning around for his teammate, his eyes found Sarada.

She was standing at a heavily advertised counter. An elegantly dressed shop helper is presenting her a shade-card of numerous swatches of what seemed to be chapsticks. No, tinted chapsticks. Ah, tinted lip balm, he thought as his eyes read the name of the product that Sarada seems to favour as she is handed her chosen product. The crimson-coloured cover of the newly launched product in her hand flashes the words “Berry Sherbet” in cursive. She wears tinted lip balm these days, Boruto comes to an amused conclusion. The growing realisation that his childhood friend likes fruity-flavoured makeup is amusing.

Yup. Definitely amusing.

Wading through the crowd, Boruto reaches her. Sarada is holding a demo stick of the lip balm and looking the crimson-coloured swatch across her wrist contemplatively.

“You like this one - ttebasa?” Sarada whips around, her eyes widening and cheeks flaming up, her face wearing an expression of a deer caught in headlights. Boruto grins like a Cheshire cat. This is going to be fun.

“What is with women and their fascination to smell and taste like fruit salad?” Boruto said, grinning while pointing towards the numerous products stacked up on the racks - moisturisers, hand creams, face washes, scrubs and other products he cannot recognise - all expounding the delights and benefits of added “fruit extract” and “fruity flavours”. The elegantly dressed shop helper gives him a scandalised look. Boruto ignores her.

“It’s - not that - no, I like it. Yup. It’s what I agree to be. I like it.”

“You are not making any sense.”

“I like makeup.”

“And that was already an established fact before you stepped into this shop.”

“Uh…”

“What are you so nervous about?”

Boruto frowned at the utterly floundering Sarada. There is no need to so nervous. Until and unless….

“Whatever are you buying this for?” Sarada only flushed red in response.

“Did Chocho put something stupid in your head again?”

“What?! Ugh! No!”

“Really? Because you have a tendency to go along with her crazy ideas.”

“Uh…”

“You are a terrible liar. You know that?”

“….”

Boruto frowns at the flushing girl in front of him. She never gets this nervous unless she is going to try something very out of character and highly embarrassing by her standards. He knows this with absolute certainty because no matter how much he (or she for that matter) pins down the origins of their friendship to that of their parents’, they are still friends in their own right. Childhood friends at that.

A gentle smacking noise brings his attention back to Sarada. Sarada had turned her back to him. Her entire body was now devoid of its earlier tension and now was casually leaning towards a body length mirror. Boruto’s eyes fell on her slightly curvaceous body.

Attractive.

Boruto shook his head as soon as the word appeared in his mind.

It wasn’t enough that he was always hyper aware of her presence while in his vicinity or her staring at him. Now he had to go ahead and be hyper aware of the her body as well. Boruto looked up into the mirror, freezing immediately as his eyes met Sarada’s in the mirror. Her eyes had lit up in amusement. She was slowly applying her new bought lipbalm. The crimson colour slowly stained her natural pink lips, the stick moving in slow, alluring manner. Sarada turns around to Boruto. The crimson tinted smirk on her face grows wider.

The next thing Boruto remembers is Sarada.

Her slender neck and wrists. Her porcelain skin. Her dark and long eyelashes.

Her scent. Her taste.

His lips tasting hers.

…..

“I AM AN IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT!” Sarada screeched out while burying her head in her pillow.

“Well not so much of an idiot. More like an absolute moron.” Chocho looked at her best friend with an absolute lack of sympathy, continuing to munch on her chips.

“Ugh! He has become an absolute pervert and creep since that day.” Sarada looked up at her in a frenzy.

“Stalking you, turning up on your balcony in the middle of the night, asking you out on dates, sending you bouquets of your favourite red roses and teddy bears, randomly touching you, blushing like a tomato, writing poetry about you….” Chocho ticked off her fingers with feigned disinterest. “Sounds pretty romantic but yeah, also creepy.”

“You said kissing him would tell him my feelings -shannaro!” Sarada pouted.

“Well yeah. That's what it did and this is his answer. That he can’t get enough of you. That he wants more.” Chocho said seriously. Sarada frowned at this thought.

“So if I accepted his advances, this craziness would stop.” Sarada put forward doubtfully.

“Well it would definitely hopefully tone down a lot. I agree with Mitsuki on this.” Chocho grimaced at the thought of the good looking jerk.

“Well….if that’s the case. I guess I should go and meet him.” Sarada got up from her bed.

“Yeah and take that lip balm along with you. Since he looked positively starved….” Chocho laughed out with mirth.

Sarada threw her pillow in her friend’s way before grabbing hold of her purse and a pair of sandals and jumping out of her window.

As she sauntered out on the path which lead to Boruto’s current location, she smirked. Having a positively lovesick boyfriend was not that bad of an idea.

……

This is not my best work. It gave a lot of trouble. Took me nearly six months to complete it. Please review my work. Thank you.

[ntrending]

Mayonnaise is disgusting, and science agrees

New Post has been published on https://nexcraft.co/mayonnaise-is-disgusting-and-science-agrees/

Mayonnaise is disgusting, and science agrees

For much of the past year, I have fought a one-sided battle with a popular fast casual restaurant chain that we’ll call “Ready.” Unlike most restaurants, Ready doesn’t make sandwiches, assemble salads, or otherwise perform acts of cookery upon customer request. Instead they sell nominally healthy, whole-ingredient-based pre-made soups, salads, and sandwiches. Because I’m lazy and impatient, I’m Ready’s perfect customer and not just because Ready has a location in Popular Sciences’ building. They also have another four locations (including one that sells beer) along my commute. So you’d think that Ready sandwiches would be a regular part of my nutritional rotation. But they aren’t, because Ready’s sandwiches are disgusting.

The problem is that Ready saturates almost every sandwich with a miasma of mayonnaise. When Ready doesn’t use mayonnaise, they use a yogurt dressing which is mayonnaise for people who are ashamed that they’re eating mayonnaise. The shame is justified, the yogurt dressing is not. Sometimes Ready uses a less vile condiment, like a whole grain mustard—a condiment with dignity. But when they do, the powers that be cannot allow its presence to go unmolested. No, the mustard gets mixed in with mayonnaise in an abomination called mustard-mayo. Mixing Sriracha with diarrhea doesn’t improve the presence of the latter. Why would adding mustard to Satan’s sauce improve the situation?

If comparing feces to a condiment seems like a gross comparison, well, welcome to the science of disgust. Disgust, for the record, is distinct from dislike.

“Feces is the universal disgust, like the first disgust,” says Paul Rozin, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania who has researched disgust since the 1980s. In addition to being an expert on disgust Rozin is also the researcher who coined the phrase “benign masochism” to explain why some humans enjoy the burn of chili peppers.

Disgust, theorizes Rozin, originally evolved as a way to keep humans safe. Hanging around each other’s excrement, for example, is an excellent way to spread diseases so we learned pretty early to avoid the stuff.

“Disgusting foods are contaminating,” says Rozin. “If you put a little bit of it in something, other people won’t eat it.”

For example, I dislike red delicious apples – they’ve been bred to be too sweet, they have a weirdly chalky texture and they don’t really taste like anything. But in a pinch, I can eat them just fine, and if you dropped a slice of one in my cocktail I might fish it out, but I’d still drink the cocktail.

But if you were to slip a cockroach in my cocktail, even if you fished it out, even if I was very drunk, I probably wouldn’t drink the cocktail. The idea of drinking it would cause a real, physical sensation of revulsion that’s hard to overcome. That feeling is disgust, and while it may have originated in feces it’s generalized to include most bodily fluids, and depending on the individual certain foods. And disgust is how some of us feel about mayonnaise.

How mayonnaise can trigger disgust

As far as Rozin knows nobody has ever done a study specifically on mayonnaise disgust, but based on his previous research on disgust he posits that it’s mayonnaise’s texture that’s the culprit. It’s viscous quality is the sort of thickness that you’d get from fluid oozing out of a rotted carcass as anyone who has ever poked a rotted squirrel with a stick can attest. Disgust also tends to align strongly with our revulsion about bodily fluids. We don’t exactly market lemonade by saying that it looks like pee. And the creamy appearance of mayonnaise isn’t dissimilar from what would emerge from say a popped zit. Delicious.

Of course the fact that mayonnaise triggers my sense of disgust, doesn’t really matter to any company’s bottom line. Stores like Ready should only care about my condiment vendetta if there are more of me.

“The percentage of people who don’t like mayo it’s probably close to 20 percent—it’s not trivial,” says Herbert Stone a food sensory consultant. I’d called Stone to figure out whether I was unique in my mayonnaise aversion. While he can’t put precise number on how many of us just dislike mayonnaise versus experience disgust, the big take away is that I’m not alone. Even a quick survey of Popular Science’s office found that at least one other staff member doesn’t really like mayo but she’ll eat it when she has to, while another, like me, wholly avoids eating Ready’s sandwich selections because the ubiquity of mayonnaise on their menu. And a quick Google search reveals websites and songs, devoted to people’s hatred of this ubiquitous condiment.

“You will find this kind of polarization in other countries around the world,” adds Stone, who has among other thing consulted with the Hellmann’s (Best Foods) brand of mayonnaise. “And it’s not just Western Europe—you will find a similar degree of like dislike in Asia as well.”

Which begs the question, “Why is there so much mayonnaise in American food?”

You haven’t noticed? Lucky you. Here’s how prevalent mayonnaise is: at a conference I went to they had five sandwich types including a vegetarian, a vegan and a gluten free sandwich – every single one had mayonnaise on it. Yes, even the vegan sandwich had vegan mayonnaise. At a different conference, the only option without mayonnaise was a gluten free sandwich. One percent of Americans have Celiac disease but 20-percent of Americans can’t stand mayonnaise. Granted, one is a life threatening autoimmune disorder, but it’s a lot harder to make a decent gluten free bread than it is to put the mayonnaise on the side.

The only thing worse than not being able to eat a sandwich because someone didn’t have the forethought to put the mayo on the side is biting into an unexpected mouthful of the stuff. I call this surprise mayonnaise. Everyone expects mayonnaise in tuna salad, for example, but the mayonnaise slathered on my barbecue chicken sandwich was not expected. Who mixes barbecue sauce and mayonnaise? Nevadans, apparently.

Beyond mayonnaise

There is a reason, rooted in food science, to include mayonnaise on sandwiches – moist food tastes better. The moisture helps the saliva in our mouth work more effectively and carries more flavors than dry foods. But, mayonnaise isn’t the only food that can do the job. A little bit of olive oil, (or olive oil and vinegar), works as well, as does mustard (hold the mayo). That aforementioned barbecue chicken sandwich was already dripping in sauce – the mayonnaise didn’t add anything but disgust. And turning to other condiments opens up a world of flavor: one of my favorite burger spot puts a tomato fig jam on their burger. It’s a bit of sweetness to balance out the saltiness and spiciness of the burger below, no mayo required.

At the same time, the food science explanation doesn’t explain why a recent “california roll” sandwich I spotted contained guacamole – i.e. a flavorful moisture carrier – and mayonnaise. Not only did the sandwich not need the extra moisture, but based on its soggy visage it arguably made the sandwich worse. It also doesn’t explain why restaurants like Ready don’t just insert the mayo as packets (which also stops the bread from getting soggy), instead of alienating 20-percent of their customer base.

Stone doesn’t get it either, “I don’t understand why restaurants do what they do – I think it’s maybe they have so much business they don’t care. I’m not sure it’s a smart thing to do.”

The movie, The Mayo Conspiracy, by the not at all biased organization Hold that Mayo theorizes that there’s a global mayo conspiracy. It’s supposedly a satire, but I’m not so sure. I’m not willing to say there is a giant mayo conspiracy, but I’m not willing to say that there isn’t either.

As for me, I’ve developed my own wholly unscientific theory behind mayonnaise’s ubiquity—it’s about culture and habit. On a recent trip to Pittsburgh I ordered a chicken sandwich. The sandwich as listed on the menu contained: a bun, grilled chicken in a tequila glaze, pepper jack cheese, pico de gallo, and lettuce. Out of supreme caution I asked my waitress, “This doesn’t have mayonnaise does it?”

She looks at me like I’m dim witted and says, “Of, course it does.”

Apparently, mayonnaise is so integral to a sandwich – more so than bread – that it’s inclusion is not worth a menu mention. To many Americans, it’s not a sandwich if it doesn’t have mayonnaise. Too many Americans don’t pause to wonder, does this sandwich really need mayonnaise? I can promise you, at least from my perspective, it doesn’t.

Written By Kendra Pierre-Louis