#man that's a fuckton of tags

[wonderful-bellies]

Welp. There may be Shane S/tardewvalley v/ore in the future.

[girlwiththegreenhat]

having just made it to KITT vs KARR i stand by my point that KARR has done nothing wrong ever in his life

[a-ridgeback]

love this weeks raffle prizes. hi heres literally one of the most valuable items in the entire game. and also the cheapest halo you can find on the ah. have fun!

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

God I swear I’m not trying to be all doom and gloom talking about my health I know it’s annoying I just really need a break and everyone irl is already done with my shit bc I’ve been too anxious to go back to the doctor bc the last one told me I’d just have to deal with it and potentially get more surgeries and I’m 23 dude. It took nearly 3 years before my doctor even agreed that that surgery was necessary and it didn’t even fully fix my shit it just lessened the pain — which I’m grateful for, don’t get me wrong! But I haven’t had full limb function in my left arm since I was 15 and they made it sound like the surgery would fix it and then acted like I was overreacting when it didn’t. And my left leg has been deeply fucked for nearly as long, and at least slightly fucked at least since I hit double digits, and has gotten progressively worse. So like I know, I get it that I need to go to a doctor, but why would it go better now? What’s going to make a doctor take me seriously now?

I want to be angry, but I’m too tired.

[devotedlystrangewizard]

god could you imagine if people focused on the actual golden boy getting like twice as much content as his fellow companions rather than like 2 new lines for one bad guy to make one scene feel more in line with the one other scene with said bad guy

[wh1msic4alwasab1]

𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐑𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐬' 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 🂱

synopsis: you meet an especially annoying gambler at your table and as the game master, it’s your job to shut him up.

tags: dom!reader, sub!aventurine, semi-public, bickering, explicit, vulgar

wrd cnt: 800+

art cred: yue_chan077 (insta)

“Hey-! What are you doing?”

“Games over?” You reply to the blonde man.

“But I was gonna win….” He pouts.

You click the buzzing timer off and collect all the chips off the table, scooping up stacks of cards in the process.

“Everyone says they’ll win until they don’t” You taunt, yanking the cards out of his hand with a smile.

He scoffs, crossing his arms and leaning back on the chair as people come and go, some collecting their winnings and others digging an even deeper hole with their debts.

As the dealer, it was up to you when to kick people out, and it seemed like the man to your left should be heading out now.

“Excuse me-? I don’t think your judgment is exactly expert. I’ll be playing a few more rounds”

You look at him with furrowed brows. “Sir, I have-“

He cuts you off, “Aventurine.”

“What?”

“I have a name darling. Use it.”

“You’re keeping up everyone waiting to play, Aventurine. I’d appreciate if you complied.”

You say with a raised eyebrow, waiting for an answer.

“You’re not my boss, darling. And I’ll play for as long as I want, understood?” He challenges, eyes locked in a heated stare. You narrow your eyes and stand your ground, not backing down. “Actually, I am the boss here. Now get out of here before I call security.”

He lets out a laugh, standing up from his chair and walking towards you. “I’d like to see you try.”

You stare at him, not backing down but not stepping away either. You can feel the tension between you both, but you refuse to back down.

You whisper to him quietly, everyone at the table now focusing on the quarrel between the two of you, “I’m not some toy for you to play with, Aventurine.

“Well of course not, you wouldn’t be able to handle it.” He says, trailing a hand down your back.

You try to push him away but he only grabs your arm. “Wanna bet?.”

Without hesitation, you lead him to a nearby storage closet, where you push him inside and lock the door. He raises an eyebrow in surprise, but the smirk on his face shows that he’s up for it.

You turn him around, and aggressively push him against the wall, pressing your body against his. “Do you know why I can handle it? Because I’m in control, and you’ll do whatever I say.”

He chuckles, “Is that so? How about we really make a bet then?”

You smirk back at him, “Sure, but you’re going to regret it.” Without another word, you grab his belt and start undoing it, watching as his expression changes to shock and excitement, mixed with a fuckton of arousal.

As you pull down his pants, his erection springs free, hard and ready for you.

“Oh- Well this isn’t exactly what I was-“

“Shut up. This is exactly what you were thinking about. I saw the way you kept staring at me during each game.”

“Well yeah but- Fuck…be a little gentle will you?…”

You began to stroke him, gripping his dick harder and slowly moving your hand up and down his shaft, watching his head falls back against the door in pleasure.

He lets out a low moan, and you can feel him getting closer and closer to his release.

“That’s it…you’re so close aren’t you? Cum in my hand.” You whisper in his ear, cupping his face and giving him one deep, tongue filled kiss.

But you stop, leaving him gasping for air and begging for more.

“Oh no, darling. You haven’t earned it yet.” He looks at you with pleading eyes, but you only smirk and continue to tease him. You stroke him again, this time faster and harder, making sure to give him just enough pleasure to make him desperate for release. He bites his lip, trying to hold back his moans, but it only makes you go faster.

“Don’t do that. Let me hear your pathetic little voice.”

You can feel him getting closer and closer, and you know he won’t be able to hold on much longer.

With one final stroke, he lets out a loud moan as he reaches his climax, his body shaking against yours.

“Fuck- Please! I’m sorry…I apologize for earlier- just please make me cum..”.

You smirk in satisfaction, knowing you’ve won the bet and made him truly submit to you.

He stands there, panting and trying to catch his breath, as you pull away and fix your clothes.

He slowly falls to the floor with his back still against the wall, sleeking down with legs still wide open and his cock still sprung up and spurting cum all over his thigh and stomach.

With a victorious smirk, you squate down to wipe away one side of his face covered in tears before you unlock the door and exit it, leaving him a mess in the closet and shutting the door behind you without a single word.

whimsic4alwasab1 ™ - do not copy, translate, modify, or claim any of my work as your own.

[thebirdmanhewatches]

Idk something something joke about dilfs and the fact Louie dresses in blue and orange from when he’s born to when he’s in his late thirties to the day he dies

Because he’s so short the main way you can tell how old he is is 1-10 shaved head 10-14 shortish hair 14-18 chin length hair 18-30 longish hair 30-35 dreadlocks 35-? Dreadlocks with dyed blue tips

How do you make short people with pointy features look old?

Poor Louie his converse nee highs wore out and they don’t make them in 2040

[ ID: three drawings of a thin person with dark brown skin black dreadlocks with blue tips tied in a bun they are wearing a turquoise jumper faded orange trench coat dark blue cuffed jeans and orange converse. The first of the drawings is a side view of their head showing the orange scrunchy their hair is tied up with. Beneath the first drawing is the second drawing of the person standing with their hands in their pockets.the third drawing is next to the first and second the person sitting down with a slumped relaxed posture end ID ]

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Fic Recs | Vol 11

Hi friends!!

I've really outdone myself this week, folks. I read TWENTY SEVEN new fics (including three very long series) + a bunch of updates to WIPs I was already reading. That being said, I'm gonna sort these by character for you because it's a lot to scroll through.

If you're new here, these are all the fics I read this week (except series updates and unnamed drabbles) and my unhinged/unedited ramblings about them :)

You can find the full spreadsheet here, and you're always welcome to tag me in your fics <3

Fic recs below the Pedro <3

Din Djarin

Wherever You Stray, I Follow a one shot by @beskarandblasters

This is one of those fics that makes me genuinely pissed I'm not living in the Star Wars universe. Why can't I run away from an arranged marriage with my bodyguard who just so happens to be a very very handsome man in a suit of pure beskar? It's not fair.

Beskar Doll a series by @justagalwhowrites

Okay so I read 40+ chapters of this in TWO days. The story is so engaging?! Also we all know I love me some angst and the angst in this is so well done. It's believable, it's painful, it's excellent. I'm always hype for reader characters/FMC/OFC that are strong and capable (not that I have an issue with the damsel in distress fics either but...) I am obsessed with the reader/MC in this. She's so fucking cool and strong and AGH!!! There was no part of this where I was bored or wondered why the story went in a certain direction - it always made sense to me and I was completely engaged the whole time. That's pretty impressive for a long ass fic like this. I usually fall off after 20 or so chapters. Everyone should read this, tbh.

Significant a one shot by @softlyspector

AHHHH okay first of all, you gotta read the drabble first so you get a feel for the relationship. This was SO CUTE. I support every choice made in this fic. I don't want to spoil anything, but just know that I love the characterization and dialogue in this. I love how quickly I got sucked into the story and believed their relationship despite it only being 5k. I could kind of imagine a full series around this. It was sooooo cute UGH. (Look at me reading fluff, what's goin on).

Fix it a one shot by @jksprincess10

I love how you've barely written Din before (1 fic) and then you produce this. It's so fucking good. We get helmetless!Din without a fuckton of buildup and like I get that it's not the most realistic, but sometimes you just want Din Djarin to eat you out without 20 chapters of wondering what his face looks like or having to be in the dark. And the tattoos... nad... you gave him tattoos.... I'll pass out and die on the floor right now.

a little attention a one shot by @luckbealincoln

Din has a rough day (haha get it?) and reader knows just how to get rid of his pissy ass attitude. I love love love dom!Din so fucking much this is so hot PLEASE

Best Kept Secret a series by @lincolndjarin

Bodyguard!Din and princess!reader!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this trope so much. I expected the fic to be a little kitschy because I mean... it's a kitschy trope. And I love kitschy shit that's why I clicked on it... but guys! guys!! it's not!! This fic has so much depth, so much emotion. The little glimpses of Din's backstory, the depictions of mental health, that bastard Kodo, my beloved Elaine and Lysa... just... there's so much in this story that I adore. It feels fresh and interesting and it's heart wrenching and wonderful and sexy and....yeah read this one thanks.

Who do you belong to? a one shot by @beskarandblasters

HOT!!!!!!! Possessive!Din is so fucking hot. The smut is.... oh my lordt it is good.

Joel Miller

i can be your pretty girl a series by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

A little innocent reader/manipulative dbf!joel never hurt anyone, right? I fucking love this. And the subsequent part is... even better (worse? more depraved?).

Epiphany a one shot by @jksprincess10

This story hurts. It hits you right in the chest and takes the breath out of you. Worth the pain though. It's gorgeously done <3

I'll Do Anything a one shot by @beskarandblasters

I feel like I've seen some fics that are this trope but in reverse, where Joel is the one making reader pay with sex. I think I like this better tbh. Desperate, needy Joel is everything.

Seven a one shot by @proxima-writes

Starting with the dream was so fucking good! And I really like the choice to not make it a 1 to 1 direct recreation of the actual scene with Sarah. I loved the early interactions with Joel and reader so much. The library scene AHHH!!!! And then fast forwarding through the reallly good smut, the dream that's not a nightmare???? Are you kidding me??? genius. Reader still believing in beautiful things and making joel believe he deserves good things and oh my god just shoot me now this was adorable.

sensational a series by @sinsofsummers

I guess I was on an innocent reader kick this week idk. I love the buildup of the reader's background in this though. She feels like a real person and not just a vessel for actual reader to pretend we're virgins and Joel Miller is teaching us about sex. Like she is that, don't get me wrong, and I love it. But!! She's a real person, with feelings and a backstory and I am a slut for a good story with my smut. Okay and also Joel doesn't feel like a creep in this, which is a little hard to achieve given the premise. I really liked this and I hope we get more. (there's a part two, but like I'd read 10 parts of this are you kidding)

Desire a series by @toxic-seduction

Good ol' depraved smut. I haven't read one like this before!! And the follow up is just as yummy. Highly recommend if you're feeling a little freaky :)

Gimme What I Want a series by @atticrissfinch

Oh my god oh my GOD oh my god. This was so fucking hot?! And the little moments of humor too?! I love the format for this so much. And the attention to detail with the timestamps and everything!! And then part two... I was not prepared. God it was so hot. (and the lil bonus of Joel being awkward and adorable ughhhh). The blend of sexy and funny and a tad bit depraved and a tiny bit sweet... perfect.

Lavender a series by @justagalwhowrites

Hey, it's not nice to break people's hearts repeatedly. There are barely even words to describe this fic. The nanny trope to start out with, meaning that you get really really attached to Sarah and pre-outbreak Joel and you build up all these hopes and dreams for the two of them.... and then... (trying not to spoil things) Joel being a moron and then the outbreak of course and... I always want to know what happens in that 20 years between outbreak and Joel meeting Ellie. I really adore the way that canon content was blended with original content in a way that seems to make Joel's actions make even more sense than they do in canon. Doc is such a cool character also??? And oh my GOD Andrew and Jess... I seriously cannot explain how fucking perfect this is. I could read it forever. Like I hope you carry it on through season two when that comes out, it's that good. I would read 500 chapters of this.

Mine a one shot by @the-scandalorian

How does one write Porn Without Plot, anal at that, and make it profound? Apparently this way. How dare you make me feel anything but a little ashamed and lot horny about an ANAL FIC?! Are you a fucking WIZARD?! Anyway yeah y'all should read this one.

Stay here, honey a one shot by @swiftispunk

This is just porn but I was having that kind of day. dbf!joel + really high chance of getting caught PWP. Wonderful <3

What I need a one shot by @swiftispunk

knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink. Oh and also a lil bit of sweetness at the end. Yes please

Your Summer Dream a series by @swiftispunk

Look I've only read chapter one and I'm already in love. The set up is so good. Joel seems so sweet and charming and cool and HOT?!? Reader is about to win the rebound Jackpot for real. I'd be jealous if I wasn't,,,, ya know,,, the reader.

exile a one shot by @tieronecrush

Oh hey cool, thanks for hurting my feelings... just kidding you know I love angst. This was so gorgeously written. I love all the descriptions a lot. And also... I read a lot of joel/reader breakups where she just immediately crumbles and takes him back because like wouldn't we all? But I really like how you had her hesitate even though she's clearly miserable. At least one of us is emotionally mature enough to not dive headfirst back into a toxic relationship (couldn't be me).

Javier Peña

a pile of cards a one shot by @undercoverpena

There are very few things I love more than fluffy, soft!Javi Peña. That man has the capacity to be so sweet and caring and kind and loving and AHHHHHH. I really love the way this story is told. A story in birthdays for your birthday celebration... that's so fucking creative I love it. I just... I can't say enough about this fic. Read it!!

not here, not now a one shot by @gracieispunk

Reader gets in trouble with Javi and handcuffs are involved... I feel like I do not need to say more.

(Re)union with Elvis a one shot by @tieronecrush

I've read a lot of these lil accidental marriage fics, and this is one of my favorites so far. I loved getting to see them meet up sober, go through the whole night, experience the silly wedding, the mind blowing sex, and then the wakeup scene is actually so cute? I rarely see one of these without a defcon level freak out about the fact they got married. Imagine telling this story at your wedding? Like oh yeah we've actually already divorced each other and it was before we ever started dating.

Pero Tovar

Xìngjiāo a one shot by @absurdthirst

I finally watched The Great Wall and my literal first move after finishing it was to see if absurdthirst wrote a sex pollen fic for Tovar and she FUCKING DID!!!!! Gods I love sex pollen.

Pero Tovar and his Guerrera a series by @prolix-yuy

This lil loose fit series makes my heart sing. Pero being an idiot? Reader being a badass? Silly arrangement to be able to stay near each other without having to admit feelings? Finally admitting feelings??? Wrap me up in this story and bury me in it, thanks.

Dave York

Stormy Secrets a one shot by @absurdthirst

Kinda randomly got in the mood to read something fucked up and stumbled on this lovely Dave York fic. Murder daddy didn't let me down, this was EXCELLENT. Pretty much checked every box on the list of what I would kill to have Dave York do to me.

Just Your Average Suburban Couple a one shot by @absurdthirst

What if Murder Daddy had a Murder Wife? I know it's a hot take, but I love the fake dating trope so this is so fun for me. Add in badass reader, infidelity, murder, Dave York being soft (in his own way), domestic Dave, and possessive/jealous!Dave? Oh and of course delicious smut. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

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Do y'all prefer it sorted like this or was it fine the old way? This takes a little extra work, but it's not that bad.

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Happy Reading!

[nuclearpoweredsniper]

to know a gentle body

nobody asked but ur getting it anyways, sniper/reader ficlet that'll probably get a +18 sequel, but for now, yanno (gestures broadly)

gender neutral reader, 2nd person POV, cw for weed and cigarettes, there'll definitely be more tags added when i post the second part

---------

The nights have been going like this for a while. You and the team have dinner, and Mick waits until everyone has left the room, and he asks you if you'd like to hang out with him in his van.

The first time caught you off guard, you'll admit; the Sniper was a quiet man. The longest sentence you'd ever gotten out of him prior was a whopping three words, but you were sure it wasn't shyness. He never seemed uncomfortable in a room with the others, but he stayed at the back and he stayed quiet - and if he could get away with it, he wouldn't be there at all. Always carrying his kukri, always wearing that hat and those shades, all the signs of an animal silently telling you to keep your distance, and so you did. You didn't think he'd approach you first.

He waited until you were alone, washing dishes; he kept a keen ear out for invisible flies on the wall of the French variety, and when he was sure only the breathing of 2 people were present, he cleared his throat.

"So, Jeremy told me you smoke." His voice reminded you of the stroke of an old cello, in an abstract way - low and almost meandering. It startled you but it was nice to hear, for once, not in monosyllables.

"...Yeah. I, um.." You scratched your neck, making a mental note to throw a boot at the Scout later. "I do. Why do you a-"

"Wanna come smoke with me? I have a fuckton of vinyls we can listen to."

You felt like you were making first contact with a different kind, but it was nothing like the movies.

"Uhm... y-yeah? Sure. Why not?"

And so a nightly ritual began.

It was in this way you became close friends, lounging in his little van, the air full of smoke and Pink Floyd, giggling and munching on homemade jerky. You waded in each others shallows, picking up pretty stones in the shape of favorite colors and childhood memories, the time he fought a saltwater croc for 20$, the time you mistook a wild skunk for a dog and almost got sprayed, until slowly the shallows weren't so shallow anymore. Before you realized it, you were sharing first kisses, first heartbreak, traumas, fears, desires.

It turns out you were right - Mick wasn't the least bit shy when it was just you and him. He explained in quite simple terms why he kept his distance from everyone.

"Wankers, the lot of 'em. Tavish 'n Jeremy are just 'bout the only ones I can stand, and even then.." You interjected with a snort - you knew exactly what he meant. He smirked and continued.

"Can't trust that fuckin' spook as far as you can throw him either. Damn stalker." He injected a bit of venom into that point. He was right too, the Spy loved blackmail.

The water was up to your chin when you realized you were looking at him differently - no, seeing him differently, knowing him differently. The tide was rolling in.

His earthen brown eyes lay deep in his skull, which was constructed of sacred, sharp geometry; lines and valleys and rises chipped out of sunkissed marble. Mahogany hair hung just at his shoulders, which were wide and strong; and just peaking out of the collar of his white undershirt, was greying chest hair. When he smiled, his lips pulled back and revealed teeth that almost should've been in the mouth of a wolf, not a man. It split his face in two, it was intimidating, and it was beautiful.

Tonight, you're sitting on the small couch in his van, passing a joint back and forth between you, The Mamas and The Papas crackling softly on his record player. He breaks the near silence with the crunch of the joint being put out in the ashtray, and pulls your legs into his lap. You don't mind, he does this sometimes, he seeks comfort in touch and soft skin - just wants to know a gentle body, and so do you. It's rare in your line of work.

Calloused fingers are tracing nervous lines into your calf, antsy little dots and dashes like frantic morse code and it's noticeably different from how he normally touches you. He's staring at a particular square inch of your flesh and his thick brows are furrowed; he's thinking hard about something. You know by now to just let him brew until he's ready, so you stay quiet, happy to admire his strong profile while he's distracted. You reach down to the floor to grab your cigarettes, pull one out and light it, and he watches you with a strange look in his oaken eyes, but not an unpleasant one. It's a look of complicated depth, of things unknown to you besides a tangible warmth. You stretch an arm abover your head, a few joints popping as you do, and stretch your legs out across his lap, not unlike a cat. As you stretch, you tap the glass.

"What's up?"

He looks away quickly, he didn't realize he was staring.

"I, um... I wanted to, um.."

He's never been nervous like this before.

"I wanted to ask you something." He's gone back to staring at your legs. You sit up on your elbows, a touch nervous yourself, now.

"...Yeah?" You try to take a gentle tone, but it just comes out as timid and small, seeking its own reassurance.

He pauses, he seems like he's rolling the words around in his mouth before saying them.

"You get lonely too, right?"

He's hushed now, his hands deathly still. It's rattling to see him actually nervous like this.

"...What do you mean? We're hanging out right now."

"That's what I mean. You come over, and you stay for a while and it's...." His mouth hangs open for a second like the words are scared to come. "I-I don't.... I don't want you to. Leave.... tonight."

There's a rush in your thorax. You're speechless for a second, almost thoughtless, and you sit up to face him. His lips are tinted red by his teeth worrying at them, those wicked teeth like something out of Dracula.

"Only if you want to, of course. It gets cold out he-"

"I'd really like that, Mick."

When he looks at you, it almost steals your breath. Damn his eyes, full of sepia-tinted expanses, dilated pupils pulling you in like supermassive black holes; you might as well have told him you'd marry him with the hearts and stars dancing in them. He blushes, actually blushes at you, and it'll be a long standing argument in the future about who kissed who first. All you know is that now, you're in his arms.

[hamsterclaw]

Freak on a bike

He doesn't know what the hell he's doing, this big dumb guy.

Inspired by RM in the mv for Sexy Nukim. Happy birthday week RM! I’m sorry.

Pairing: RM x F! reader

Genre: Smut

Rating: 18+

Word count: 2k

Warnings: Explicit sex, a fuckton of swearing, referenced drug use, objectification and dumbification of our fave sexy genius

Tagging: @sahmfanficbts @reliablemittenmain @vyduan

A bike bell rings and you look up to see where it’s coming from.

A bike stops a few feet away from you. On it, a guy in a black suit. 

You eye him curiously. He’s not bad looking, pretty sharp compared to the other guys you do business with. 

His thighs sandwich the bike frame, both feet on the ground. 

He reaches into the wire basket and holds out a package to you.

You look around.

What is this guy, some kind of fucking amateur?

‘You a narc?’ you ask, not moving from the railing you’re leaning against.

‘What?’ he asks, voice deeper than you were expecting.

‘Said what the fuck is that?’ you ask. 

You glance around again, half-thinking you’re being set up because there’s no fucking way the Kangs, drug overlords of Asan, sent this dumb goon to drop a package to you.

Have they been snorting their own low quality shit?

‘My first day,’ he says, like that’s gonna help redeem his big dumb self.

‘I’m supposed to be ok with you and your fucking training wheels?’ You shoot a glance at his chest, straining against his white shirt. ‘And your fucking training bra?’

He puts a hand over his chest. Big, like the rest of him.

‘I’m not wearing a bra,’ he says, hurt.

‘I’m not taking you shopping for one, baby girl,’’ you retort. You wave a hand. ‘Here, gimme that shit.’

You slip him the packet you’re meant to give him in return and put his package in your bag. 

‘Go back to wherever the fuck you came from,’ you say, dismissive. ‘Next time don’t ring that damn bell. You trying to call attention to us?’

You watch him cycle away. You’re not expecting to see him again, dumb goon will probably get himself killed before too long.

***

You’re on your phone, deciding what the fuck you want for dinner tonight when you hear the bike approach.

It stops inches from your foot.

You look up, and up a little more, because this guy is unfeasibly big. 

‘Still alive, huh,’ you say, somewhat impressed. 

It’s been two weeks since you saw him last, this big dumb guy. He’s wearing the same black suit he was wearing him last time, only this time he’s got rings on his fingers.

You give him points for style, he looks good for someone who’s a short step away from getting done by the po po. 

‘Hey,’ he says, voice warm, like you’re friends or some shit.

He leans forward a little, loses his balance a bit, and the bike slips forward. You get your foot out the way just in time.

Man’s a clumsy bitch. 

‘Got something for me big guy?’ you ask, raising an eyebrow, doing that face that makes these dumb gangster boys want to slap you and fuck you, in that order.

‘My name’s RM,’ he says. 

‘Good for you, baby,’ you say, dry as fuck. 

He passes you his package and takes your packet in return, slipping it into the inside pocket of his jacket.

‘What’s your name?’ he asks.

‘Don’t worry your big dumb head about my name,’ you say. 

He grins at you. 

Jesus, this big dumb baby has dimples, cute. Like an actual baby. 

You want to poke your finger into one. 

‘Go home, big guy.’

He shoots you another look as he pedals away, big legs working the pedals, trousers straining against his thick thighs. 

This fucking guy. 

***

The next drop, he doesn’t ring his damn bell or try to run over your foot. 

‘Why you always dressed like you going to prom?’ you mutter, passing him your packet.

He dimples at you. ‘Wanna be my date?’

‘I don’t date chum,’ you say, scathing.

His dimples deepen. 

‘Why do you keep staring at my thighs if you don’t wanna ride them?’ he asks.

You stop and look up at him. 

‘Stop towering over me, you goon,’ you say. ‘How’m I supposed to talk to a fucking skyscraper?’

‘I’m just saying there’s room,’ he says, smirk on his face. ‘If you want a ride.’

You don’t say yes, but you can’t bring yourself to say no, either.

‘Hey,’ you call after him. ‘Take the underpass. Cops were all over the main road earlier, a stabbing or some shit.’

He nods, thighs flexing as he accelerates. He rings his bell once, and then he’s off, swallowed by the dark.

***

You’re picking out sweets at the store, trying to decide on a lollipop flavour (colour?) when he walks up to you. 

‘I like cherry,’ he says. 

‘Didn’t ask,’ you reply, snide. You look up. 

Damn, this guy. 

He’s got his suit jacket slung over his shoulder, white shirt unbuttoned so far you can almost see his tits.

‘Don’t put your tits in my face, poke my eye out,’ you complain.

He acts like it wasn’t him who didn’t do his own buttons up.

He pays for your sweets, buys himself pop. 

‘Let me taste,’ he says, pointing his chin at your lollipop. 

You look at him and lick around your lollipop. 

He watches, avid, like he’s imagining you doing the same to his cock.

You pass it to him. 

His tongue flicks out and now you’re the one letting your imagination run away with you.

His arms and chest stretch that shirt out so nice.

He tilts your chin up, rolls the lollipop over your lower lip, coating it in sweet.

You blink up at him, open mouthed.

He has to lean down a lot to kiss you but he acts like it’s no big deal.

You guess he’s always been a big man.

His hand cups the back of your head, tilting your face so he can kiss you deep, taste the cherry flavour even though it’s almost gone.

You swallow, and he hums.

Then he’s pulling away, slipping the lollipop through the ‘o’ of your lips.

You blink, and then he’s no longer touching you.

‘See you next week, pretty girl.’

***

You’re thinking of the big dumb goon who kisses like he’s got the dick game to back it up. 

Like he can take his time with you, slow.

RM, he’d said his name was. 

Speak of the devil. 

He rolls up next to you on his bike, and you exchange packages so seamlessly it’s like you practiced it.

‘Hey,’ you say, holding out your hand. ‘Got this for you.’

He’s looking at your tits when he should be looking at your hand clasped in front of them, the dumbass.

He tilts his head. ‘Yeah?’ 

You reach out and clip the Hello Kitty light you picked up to his wire basket.

‘There. You can see where you’re going now.’

He looks at it for a moment, then he smiles. You can see the dimple flash in his cheek.

‘Cute. Like your ass,’ he says. He reaches into his pocket. 

‘I got something for you too.’

You think he’s gonna say his dick, he seems like that kind of guy. 

He pulls out a lollipop, unwraps it with his teeth, hands it to you.

‘Suck it for me,’ he says.

You pop it in your mouth, a sweet cherry burst on your tongue.

‘You want me to suck it for you?’ you ask, teasing.

‘Yeah.’ 

He shifts a little on his bike. You stare at the bulge of his cock as you suck.

‘Damn.’

He leans close, lips about to touch yours, when you hear a ‘hey!’

You pull him close, pull his big body over yours. His arms wrap around you, his hips cage you against the railing.

You lick your tongue into his mouth because you can, and then you turn to the cop who’s shouted.

‘Yeah?’ you say, like you’re bored when actually, you’re fucking thrilled because your big goon feels like he’s got a big dick to back himself. 

He’s not even fully hard and he feels like he could break you.

What a fucking way to go, impaled on your big goon’s monster cock.

‘Let’s go, baby,’ he says.

He pats the back of his bike saddle, and you realise there’s space for you behind him.

You hop on, and he puts those thick thighs to good use, pumping the pedals like pistons, carrying the both of you away on his dumb bike.

***

He looks pretty fucking good under you as you wriggle your ass in his lap.

You’ve got your hand in his thick fucking hair, tugging his head back.

His hard on’s trapped in his pants, you’re riding the ridge of it and he’s so hard and thick your clit’s in heaven.

You’re right there with her, your big dumb sexy goon’s gonna make you cream just with the promise of how big he is.

You gasp, bite down on his lip, and he says, shit, fuck, you gonna cum, already?

You’re most of the way there. His mouth on your tit makes the pleasure explode. He sucks like he wants to milk you dry. 

Who knew this guy was so clever with his tongue?

You aren’t ashamed to say you need more.

‘Show me your dick,’ you pant.

He unzips, yanks all that shit down, and you could cry.

He’s so big he could split you in half, cock standing straight up, pre-cum sticky on his head.

You want to suck him like those cherry lollipops he buys you but you can’t fit all of him in.

You want him to stretch you everywhere.

You almost cream again when he slaps his dick on your cheek.

You’re pathetic, whiny, needy for his cock.

‘Come on,’ he grunts. ‘Let me stretch you, s’not gonna fit otherwise.’

He works two fingers into you, and you ride his hand like it’s fucking Magic Mountain.

He says, ‘fuck,’ and he grabs your ass, tight.

He works another finger into you, fingering you hard, fast.

He flattens you on his stupid ass futon and still you spread your legs because you’re gonna take this man or die trying.

Death by dick.

He’s spurting pre-cum now, groaning as he rolls the condom on.

How’d he find one big enough?

He dribbles spit onto your pussy, even though you’re plenty wet, you can hear yourself.

He pushes the head of his cock against your cunt.

He’s so big it stings. You’re trying to take him, breathing out slow.

He’s holding still, you can’t tell if there’s more stretch to come or not. 

‘You in, baby?’ you ask.

‘Just the tip,’ he says, he sounds strained.

You lift your hips, trying to take more of him.

‘Fuck.’

He pushes in a bit more, a bit more, a bit more and then he’s all the way in, so deep you can feel his dick on the back of your throat it feels like.

There’s so much pressure, your pussy feels so fucking full of his cock.

He nudges in a little more.

‘There you go, take it, baby,’ he groans. ‘Fucking take it.’

Your clit’s throbbing, your cunt putting out more juices to ease the slide. 

He flicks your nipples, tugging, cupping handfuls of your tits, acting like they were made for his entertainment.

He pulls back and thrusts again. 

‘S’good,’ you slur, but really you have no idea what the fuck you’re saying.

All you know is he’s fucking you just right and this big beautiful dimpled goon’s gonna make you squirt all over him.

He probably makes girls squirt all the time, packing what he’s packing.

You’re breathless as he pistons into you, you can hear yourself gasping. 

‘There,’ he grunts. ‘Make me wet, pretty girl.’

He grabs your tit, squeezing as he speeds up.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

You scream as you gush all over him, you’re too fucking loud but your man doesn’t give a shit.

‘Yeah, fuck,’ he groans, deep. 

He pulls out, rips off the condom, stroking himself fast, hard.

Your mouth is open from your orgasm, he takes it as an invitation to cum, spurting his spunk all over your tongue, your bottom lip.

His aim is shit.

Cum drips over your tits, you don’t hate it, especially when he puts his big hand in it and spreads it over your tits.

He falls asleep on you.

You’d kinda known you’d like the weight of him.

***

You wake up to him wiping a damp cloth over your tits.

‘Made a mess,’ he says, tongue in his cheek, the big dumb baby.

‘Do it again,’ you say. 

‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘Now?’

He’s hard again, you can feel him like a third leg against your cunt.

‘Yeah, now.’

‘Wait,’ he says. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Make me breakfast in the morning and I’ll tell you.’

‘Yeah, ok,’ he promises. ‘You like eggs?’

©hamsterclaw 2022

[depressedstressedlemonzest]

WIP WEDNESDAY

Alright you three @auds-and-evens @energievie and @lingy910y

that have tagged me in WIP Wednesday.

My indecisive, ADHD, executive dysfuntion having ass can't decide which WIP to work on, which means I haven't worked on ANY.

SOOOO I'm gonna put little synopses of each and have the good people of tumblr decide.

Since I don't have the poll feature you'll have to comment.

Kight In A Shining Youber the one shot that turned to a multi chapter. Mickey is an Uber driver and picks up a fucked up Ian at the Fairy Tale with an older man. During the drive he keeps older man from fucking with Ian and then takes care of Ian. Finds out Ian owes a drug lord thousands of dollars and helps him with that, both of them falling in love along the way.

The Upside A mashup 'Me Before You' and 'The Upside' AU, Mickey is just getting out of prison and Svetlana won't let him stay with her and Yev. He applies for a job not knowing it was a caretaker position.

Ian is a C6/C7 quadriplegic thanks to a manic bipolar episode. After getting out of the hospital for another reason Fiona and Lip decide he needs a caretaker. In comes Mickey.

Can We Skip To The Good Stuff- Ian and his brothers are in a band together PICL and are performing in Chicago. This go round they have a VIP concert experience where they play dodgeball with the fans and Mandy Milkovich brings her brother Mickey along. Mickey beams Ian in the face not knowing who he is, he gets taken to a room where Ian finally comes in and they talk, set up a date later. Then when the show starts Mickey is completely thrown that the bruised redhead is the lead singer.

Valorous Vigilantes- Ian and Carl work together in a EMT/cop unit. They get called to the Alibi where a fight has broken out. Mickey just came out for his boyfriend Trevor (who dumped him right after) and Terry beat the shit out of him. Ian gets a soft spot for Mickey and goes above and beyond the typical EMT duties to help him out.

Once Upon A Food Truck- Ian and Mickey have rival food trucks in the park pavilion. Mickey's truck keeps stealing Ian's customers so a prank war starts. After a few weeks of that they figure out that they are being shipped online and decide to start fake dating to get them both more customers and possibly win a food truck competition.

I have two Stranger Things fics that are WIPS, but I really want to finish my Gallavich ones. Especially because I have a whole fuckton of ideas for more.

I'm tagging more of my mutuals to get more eyes on this to help me figure out what I want to write on next because I miss writing SO MUCH.

@ian-galagher @suzy-queued @celestialmickey @xninetiestrendx @gardenerian @michellemisfit @such-a-barbarian @suchagallabitch @iansfreckles @mikhailoisbaby @juliakayyy @gallawitchxx @flamingbluepanda @trans-alpha-male @milkmaidovich @surviving-maybe @deedala @whatwouldmickeydo @scurvgirl @lupeloto @imnotbrokenimme @guinguin1984 @stocious @too-schoolforcool @golden28s @francesrose3 @softmick @deathclassic @gillyp @look-i-love-u @tsuga-of-mars @creepkinginc @mzshko @sweetbee78 @mmmichyyy @smokey-mickey @ianstummy @imikhailotakeyouian @sickness-health-all-that-shit @twinklyylights @rayrayor @spacerockwriting @thisdivorce @sleepyfacetoughguy @deedala @tidalrace

I tried to tag as many people as I could remember off the top of my head (and a few I had to look up) if I didn't tag you feel 10000% free to comment and vote, hell share around too if you want.

[lotusunset]

Far too many pics of the Palais Garnier (Part One!)

In October of 2022, I had the extraordinary experience of getting to complete an 15+ year old dream of mine to visit the Palais Garnier. I took a metric fuckton of pictures and now I want to share them with you all, the PotO community!

Before I start dumping, a few things:

Please reblog this post. I usually don’t post a lot, therefore I don’t have a big following. I’d really appreciate people sharing these as much as they can. When I was a dumb kid in ye olden days of the internet, finding a post like this was the sort of thing I would have been hyped up on for weeks. Help spread that kind of joy!

Feel free to use these photos for any sorts of graphics, artistic reference or any other fandom related projects, as long as it’s not for profit. Please just credit me in some way. In fact, I'd love to be tagged to see whatever creations come from sharing all this!

With these pictures, I really tried to focus on capturing close up details of things that aren’t often seen in common photos. That said, this post is going to be all exterior shots. I will share interior shots in subsequent posts. As I make them, I'll link them together. Enjoy!

PART 1 (here) | PART 2 (staircase) | PART 3 (foyer) | PART 4 (stage)

These are the doors under the arches on the face of the building. In the past, these would have been the entrances for the “common folk” that attended the opera.

This sculpture was my favorite one on the exterior just for the details of the reflection in the hand mirror.

This is the view of the street when you stand directly on the steps in front of the Opera. To the right, there is a really interesting cafe. Opening in 1862, Cafe de la Paix is definitely somewhere Raoul and Christine could have shared a romantic meal!

Historically, I believe this would have been one of the entrances for wealthy patrons of the Opera, like our favorite Vicomte. Now, its a restaurant, CoCo. We didn't get a chance to eat there, as it seemed to be a black-tie sort of place. The surrounding area of the Opera was all very upscale, lots of luxury storefronts and other fancy restaurants.

The ceiling on the 2nd level balcony.

The modern entrance to the box office is right behind this awesome tribute to the man himself, Charles Garnier.

PART 1 (here) | PART 2 (staircase) | PART 3 (foyer) | PART 4 (stage)

[destieltropecollection]

DESTIEL TROPE COLLECTION 2023 | DAY 14 | First Responder AU

Open my eyes to you | @malicmalic

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,884 Main Tags/Warnings: Car accidents, Rescue, Meet cute, homeless Castiel, homeless Jack, Castiel is Jack's parent, Happy Ending. Summary: Dean had no idea that choosing to take the first actual walk in his life would change it forever. Based on a discord Server love & winchester writing challenge - Same Sentence Start: "He watches the tail lights flicker as the lake swallows the car." (Fear not, the Impala was not injured during this story. Can't say the same for good old Lincoln).

Emergency Call | @peanutbutterjelly-pie

Rating: General Word Count: 4,686 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe, Hurt/Comfort, Dispatcher Dean, Single Parent Castiel, Hurt Castiel, Toddler Jack Summary: As a 911 dispatcher Dean gets a lot of emergency calls every single day. But the one he receives on this particular Friday afternoon might turn out to be different than anything else before.

Six Greys Exposure | @aaronthe8thdemon

Rating: Mature Word Count: 15,268 Main Tags/Warnings: Major Character Death, Alternate Universe, Firefighter Dean Winchester, Soldier Castiel, Tragic Romance, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Procedures, Hospitals Summary: Dean’s starting to feel sick, like stomach flu sick, but he doesn’t say anything. There aren’t enough rapid intervention crews, so now Benny, Dean and Aaron are assigned to that. Less than ten minutes later a mayday is called and the three of them have to climb the roof with a stretcher. It’s not easy to get where they need to go. There’s a metric fuckton of weak spots in the roof that they have to pick their way around, so it takes longer than Dean would like for them to reach the victims. It’s a two-man attack line crew, the one who called the mayday is sitting beside the hose and her buddy is lying down practically unconscious. Aaron helps the first firefighter stand up and head for the ladder. Dean and Benny haul the second one on the stretcher. Dean almost pukes into his mask, but he doesn’t, because he’s busy and it would just slow him down. He refuses to become a casualty.

Don't Let Go | @envydean

Rating: Mature Word Count: 28,578 Main Tags/Warnings: EMT!Castiel, mechanic!Dean, alcoholic!Dean, Alcoholism, Car Accidents, Hospitals, Recovery, PTSD, Descriptions of Injury, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst, Trying to fall in love, Hurt/Comfort Summary: Dean Winchester’s life is a mess. Ever since his father’s death, a downward spiral has seen his occasional beer become something of a crutch. Then, a revelation has him going to see his brother in California—except he doesn’t make it and ends up in a nasty accident, destroying the Impala. Air rescue paramedic, Castiel, and his partner Benny are the ones to pull him out of the wreck and that’s just the start of it. He forms a tentative friendship with Dean and manages to convince him he needs help and that he can be there for Dean. It should have been all uphill from there—because getting sober is easy, right?—except it isn’t and their relationship is thrown into turmoil at the wrong time. Slowly, they learn to accept each other once again.

[felikatze]

Hi, this is your ticket to infodump about isat/fe aus.

whehe. wheh. wawawawa. (i start vibrating)

i dont know how much i've posted abt my thoughts vs how much i just monologued to various people on discord (hello and thank you to pix, alice, and lozy (i think i also monologued to riu once? hi riu)) but you can find all (most?) of the stuff tagged under "isat emblem" on my art blog

ANYWAY. SO. I'M NOW TALKING ABOUT THE UHH. fourth. isat/fe crossover i have, which is the "what if isat ran on FE lore" one, instead of any roleswap or isekai shenanigans.

i'm looking you straight in the eye. look at me. listen to me. the forgotten island is Valla. It's literally just Valla.

FULL GAME SPOILERSSSS riu don't look at this.

ok. listen

you cannot say its name. if you say its name, you fucking die

people from valla cannot share that they are from valla, making them simply foreigners from "somewhere else"

the disappearance of valla seems to be recent, yet nobody besides people from it have any memories of it

it still physically exists, but is generally impossible to access

associated with water-based enemies that attack anybody yet also represent the regrets of its people

IT'S JUST VALLA, YALL

THE VALLA ZOMBIES ARE IF SADNESSES WERE ACTUALLY DEAD PEOPLE.

so. you may have already seen my Manakete Siffrin, but it is needless to say, i took a FUCKTON of cues from corrin for this. this entire AU is generally very fates adjacent. with some engage in it, for flavor.

Manakete Siffrin is so tasty. Please also look at Pix's dragon sif AU because this is VERY MUCH the exact same flavor because me and Pix were just on the same brainwave i guess.

In this Au, Siffrin is a dragon (silent dragon or divine dragon, either works). And the dragons lived on the island, but the island disappeared. Because dragons were so deeply associated with this place, knowledge of dragons disappeared, as well, outside of perhaps the occasional myth. (Imagine Sif being told "Dragons aren't real, silly!" man.)

Siffrin is a dragon, and fucking forgot about it. All they know is that they are Different. But not how. Or why. Imagine.

Imagine, as the loops progress, Siffrin grows stronger not through training, but through learning how strong they already were. That there are claws beneath the gloves, that they can see in the dark, that if they focus just right, they can breathe fire.

Imagine, for me, Siffrin learning they are not human. They are Other. They are a Myth. And how this plays perfectly into Siffrin's increased alianation from the party, and Siffrin's growing belief that they are a monster, and that if this is ever discovered, his friends will leave him.

If you want to bring my wolfskin Isabeau into this. I already mentioned it briefly but. Isabeau is also not human but he is In Control of it. He makes it palatable. People know what beastfolk are, they're documented in Vaugarde, I'd imagine that there's one or two frozen around the House. They are a Known Quantity. Even compared to the nonhuman, Siffrin is Other, is a Beast, and he can feel his control slipping. Compared to Isabeau, he is a feral animal. (Or, at least, they believe they are.)

Augrh. Okay.

Also. Lizard Loop. Ok.

UM. SO. I mentioned Engage, so. EMBLEMS!! This Au actually has Emblems in it. See, on the island where the dragons lived, the Emblems lived as well. And people prayed to the Emblems, to the heroes from the countless stars, to the heroes sent by the universe to guide them. Only the dragons could summon Emblems, but they could grant favor to anyone. And if all Emblems came together, they could rewrite the Universe itself.

The Emblems knew this.

And thus, when the Emblems came togehter, they wished to be forgotten. The place where they dwelled, and the people that worshipped them... were casualties of an ill-fated wish, to seal away this catastrophic power.

Yup, I made Wish Craft emblem flavored!! Because man. It's literally "prayer incantation". Divine Dragons draw power from Emblems through Prayer, through belief, and Fell Dragons draw power from Emblems through Incantation, through ritual. And the most powerful of all is combining the two. IT'S WISH CRAFT RULES, YALL.

So so, the concept of Emblems also got forgotten, but the main wish just erased the Emblems as people. That's why Sif and Co could find out about Emblems as the story progresses, same way in canon they can find out about Wish Craft.

Because I love suffering, I'd say. Instead of a Silver Coin, Siffrin has a silver ring, instead. It's just a plain band that's been around their finger for forever. It's not special at all.

....or is it?

...sometimes, Siffrin manages to rememeber a friend. Only for brief moments. When Siffrin does Mirabelle's hair, he wonders how he knows to work with kinky hair. When they eat the fish head, they reminisce that someone else liked it..... and then they forget again.

In this AU, that friend was an Emblem. That was Siffrin's Marth. But they're gone. That ring is empty.

....or is it?

hihi.

About Loop.

I think this was Lozy's suggestion, but. Loop is an Emblem. Loop wasnt always an Emblem, but Engage shows how people can become Emblems, yeah. So, Loop is a spirit from another world, sent by the Universe to guide this one. Loop is bound to their own ring, though neither of them realize. When an Emblem is asked for power through incantation, they cannot refuse. Siffrin's wish causes the timeloop by calling upon the power of the dormant Emblem they carry, which is Loop.

(How did Loop cause their own loops? Well, it was still an Emblem, even before Loop was in it. Who was it? Well, I don't know, and that's the pain, isn't it?)

Also I think it'd be really cool if Big Sif isn't just, Sif fully transforms into a dragon (which is already cool as hell) but also like. Siffrin manages to Engage with their Emblem. And after that, the Emblem is well and truly gone, for good. It just said goodbye for the last time.

And ofc Act 6 when Loop disappears, Siffrin picks up the ring that houses them in the hopes Loop will awaken one day. Yeah.

UM. CHARACTERS BESIDES SIFFRIN!!

I've mentioned this in my FE6/ISAT parallels posting but Mirabelle is so lord-coded. Specifically the Roy-flavor of "just some guy" lord. She wasn't chosen for this she just happened to be here. SHE EVEN HAS A RAPIER!!! AND AN UNAVAILABLE MENTOR!!!

Listen to me she's so so so Roy-coded MIRABELLE IS A FIRE EMBLEM LORD.

Ok. Ok.

I think it'd be really funny if Odile was just straight up from Hoshido. It would work. I don't want to change Vaugarde to a FE country because the culture is just too unique for any straight equivalent, but the other countries with less detail work. (Puts Odile in Onmyoji because she's a magic class 100%)

Bonnie's class is actually Transporter. Lozy suggested "Aptitude Villager" but i feel we need to keep the spirit of "Do not Attack The Child". So Bonnie is the Elibe-exclusive Cannot Die Items Holder class. It even works with Bonnie's potshots that Merlinus (the only transporter in the whole entire FE series) gets daggers in Heroes, which is the debuff support weapon.

Bonnie chucking holy water from the back of a horse. Thank u. That is all.

Um yeah. So that's all (most?) of the FE-flavored ISAT thoughts I have. yeah. Um.

Thank u very much for asking this. I love talking.

[sansxfuckyou]

as it was

Summary: Kyle gets high easily, Kenny lives in the woods, Cartman learned how to sew, Stan brought a potted plant of marijuana- they all miss hanging out together like kids

Warnings: mild blood, weed, swearing, check Ao3 port for full tags.

Authors Note: ngl, i took the wrong edibles, got a little bit fried, wrote this when i woke up, hope ya'll enjoy and if you do consider dropping a reblog or checking the Ao3 port

If there was one thing Kenny enjoyed about all that time he spent hanging around Stan was the knowledge he had inadvertently gained about how to grow weed. It got him one of his first jobs, clipping buds down at Tegridy, and definitely got him through harder times. But at that, it also let him not experience extreme withdrawal after exiling himself from town when the times got impossibly rough.

He doesn't remember why he did so in a picture perfect memory, but he's heard from his friends that the town has become a tourist attraction of sorts now that he isn't fucking the places population count every day. He shoots, he bags, he eats, and succumbs to the loneliness that not even a stack of playboys and homebrewed edibles can cure. Sure, the CBD high is nice for joint pain, but he'll forever mourn the winter he lost the plants that actually gave him a real high.

He lost so much that year, three separate strains, Citrus Dream, one he smuggled that he swears smelt like oreos (he called it Sugar Rush), and his dearly beloved Uncle OJ, a gift from Stan directly with heavy orange overtones. He ended up burning the remains, it left him locked to the cabin for a solid two weeks even with the windows open. He hasn't been able to shake the lung pain since, even after a death by bear attack.

He's smoking his last bud of the year (sadly nothing more than CBD), tossed it into the wood stove to just smoke out the place, when there's a knock on his door. The woods don't usually send something to knock on his door and kill him, try to kill him at least. They usually snuffle around the porch and blacked out windows while he circles with his shotgun, ready to shoot at any moment because that's dinner. Instead he grabs the pistol, cocks it, and gingerly walks up to the front door.

"Open the fucking door, Kenny!" Another knock, much louder, much more aggravated.

"He's probably out hunting," The voice is a bit more hushed.

The sound of something dropping on the porch, "I smuggled a plant just for him and he's out hunting when we finally track him down, what a fucking waste."

"Just leave it on the porch,"

"It'll freeze!"

"It's just weed you stoner piece of shit!"

"You're one to talk considering you're Tegridy's most loyal customer asshole!"

Kenny swings open the door to find three familiar faces, one of which standing in between Cartman and Stan to prevent them from killing each other. On the ground beside Stan is a plant that reaches up to his waist in size, crystalized bits clouding the leaves.

"Hi Ken," Kyle said, loud enough to snap Cartman and Stan from their bickering.

"I'm pretty sure you guys are gonna get frostbite if you make another dumbass trek out here," Kenny answered with.

"Then move out of the fucking doorway and let in your friends," Cartman snapped as he shoved aside Kyle with ease.

Kenny gladly slid to the side and his friends filtered in one at a time, except for Cartman who retreated back to the car. Stan hauled in the plant.

"What flavor is it?" Kenny asked eagerly as he reached for one the buds.

"No taste tests man," Stan chided, "But, it's just another Uncle OJ, dads thinking about canceling the line."

"Randy's canceling Uncle OJ? But, it's the Tegridy special."

"Apparently someone found a stray clipping laying around and cloned a fuckton of plants from it, it's all over town,"

"I could go down there and burn it,"

"Don't be an idiot," He placed down the plant at the foot of Kenny's bed, "You remember how to tend to these plants, right?"

Kenny nodded, "Obviously, I've been living off that CBD one you got me since Citrus Dream and Sugar Rush were lost in a cold snap."

"You lost Sugar Rush?" Stan asked.

"Again, cold snap, out of my control," Kenny retorted with.

Three bags of something are dropped at the door before Cartman nudges the door shut with his foot. Kenny glances over to find said bags to be some of those reusable bags the world practically mandated.

"I swear to god Kenny, you need to start chipping the ice on your porch," Cartman snarled as he slid down to the floor and reached into one of the bags. He pulled out a bundle of magazines, "They stopped printing playboys after you left."

"They stopped printing playboys?" He sounds distraught.

Kyle gave a hum, "Just recently, you're lucky that Cartman is still a sleaze who can't get laid."

"Shut up Kyle!" Cartman cleared his throat, "As I was saying, I got all the playboys you don't have," He handed the bundle to Stan who handed it to Kenny, "Thought you might enjoy them cause unless you're making love to the things you kill then you aren't getting any bitches out here."

Stan fakes a disgusted gag at the notions, Kyle scrunches up his face in disgust, Kenny just shrugs.

"You'd be shocked at how good of a dildo a single barrel shotgun can make," There goes his filter, there went his filter, he lost it a long time ago. And judging by the reactions his suspicions of fucking oneself with a gun being not normal are confirmed.

"And I'm glad to say that you haven't changed a bit," Cartman said as he rummaged through a second bag. He tossed a pack of something to Kenny, who held the package looking rather perplexed, "Advil, for when your CBD tolerance is so high you'll overdose before you get relief."

"You know me so well," Kenny said as he popped open the top drawer of his desk and slid it in along with all the other things he never made use of.

"That I fucking do," Cartman said before pulling up and chair next to the wood stove. He pulled out a sewing kit, "Karen asked me to fix up your jacket."

Kenny shrugged off his parka, "I'll have you know it's just fine," He said while tactfully avoiding the large tear. He balls it up and tosses it to Cartman, "Since when did you learn to sew?"

"Since he outgrew the largest size," Kyle sneered, rolling onto his stomach atop the comfortable mess of blankets.

Cartman just ignores the comment, "I'll have a hard time taking a eulogy seriously if my mom is wearing one of her slut dresses in the coffin."

"So you're gonna make your mom a dress for when she's dead?" Stan asked as he dropped down onto the floor next to the bed.

"Look, would you attend your dads funeral if he was wearing boxers with pink hearts on them and nothing else? I thought so," Cartman said as he came too a patch that was falling off, underneath it was a large gash.

"That's," The ravenette has a hard time finding a good word, "Sweet," Not the right word at all but it'll do.

There's this comfortable pause of silence between them, like they're just four idiot kids at the bus stop all over again. The crackle and pop of fire is the only difference, and the fact that the burning smell of weed is starting to lay heavy on the air. Kenny slides open the bottom drawer of his desk, the drawer he fills with the cool things he finds.

"Think fast,"

Kyle barely has time to react to the words, let alone catch what's being thrown his way. He props himself up against the wall a bit as he inspects the thing, "What is it?"

"Cool looking stick I thought you might like," Kenny answered with as he pulled out another thing and tossed it to Stan, "Cool looking rock."

"I don't get anything?" Cartman teased as he pulled the patch back into place, one leg crossed over the other.

Kenny sifted through his drawer of trinkets before tossing one to Cartman, "Grenade pin."

The brunette stuffs it in his back pocket, "Wicked."

"How come he gets the coolest thing?" Kyle whined as he twirled the stick between his fingers.

"It's swarming with whatever germs are inside of a bears liver," The blonde said and Cartman shudders at the notions but does nothing to get rid of the gift.

He just echoes back another, "Wicked," as he ties a knot in the embroidery thread and moves onto another tear. "How teared up did you manage to get this ratty old thing?"

Kenny shrugged, "It gets the job done."

"You'd be better off just running 'round stark naked with how fucked this thing is," Cartman said with a condescending edge to his voice.

"Fatso, watch your mouth, he could kick us out," Kyle snapped to the best of his ability. He rolled back onto his stomach with a hum.

"How much THC was in that weed?"

"What weed?"

"The stuff you're burning right now, I can smell it," Stan said.

"None," Kenny said, he grabbed the glass jar and tossed it to Stan, "All of it's CBD, I lost the goods in the cold snap man."

The ravenette popped open the jar and took a heavy huff. He coughed a bit at the potency, "First of all, use separate jars for separate strains, secondly, I'm pretty sure some OJ rubbed off on the bud you're burning."

"What makes you say that," The blonde twisted his chair to rest his chin on the backrest. He tapped steel tipped boots on the ground.

"I think Kyle's getting fried," Cartman said, nodding towards the redhead, "That or he's never used CBD and the sudden lack of stress and back pain is getting him wasted."

"Shut up,"

"He's baked," Cartman said confidently.

Stan gives a hum, "Can't get baked on CBD."

"CBD highs are wicked good for sleeping," Kenny countered with before a jacket came colliding into him, "Give some warning!"

Cartman said nothing as he rearranged his sewing kit, "You're so fucking lucky I know how to sew."

Kenny just rolled his eyes and tossed the bundle of fabric to the floor, "So, Kyle's fucking stoned."

"I'm not," Kyle said, he sounded just a bit distant, "I don't usually sit around in a room full of weed smoke."

"Any suggestions on what the fuck to do?" Kenny asked.

"We could just chat," Stan offered, "Chattings nice."

"I could go shoot up a rabbit, cook something up," Kenny offered cautiously.

"Want me to make sure they don't have sex on your bed?" Cartman offered.

"Those two are dating?" He sounds incredulous as he asks, pivoting to face Cartman a bit more.

"We are not dating," Stan growled out and Cartman just laughs.

"Whatever your arrangements are, I want some," He's joking, a bit, he's definitely not genuine when he says it, "Besides, that bed needs to see some action."

"Don't die out there," Kyle chimed in with from the bed.

Kenny tugs on his parka, bright orange now faded, and slings on his gun, "I won't, be back soon."

"I'll deal with the fire while you're out," Cartman offered up, but Kenny knows it's not an offer you say no too.

-/-/-/-

Cartman did a damn good job stitching together Kenny's jacket, it hasn't held this much heat for a long time. He manages one rabbit, shockingly plump despite the stringiness winter months usually cause. It's blood is splattered across the white fur in such a way it's almost comical, it's still warm as hauls it back.

He nudges open the door and slides it shut with his foot, clicking on the safety and dropping down his gun. He drops the rabbit on top of his desk of many purposes and reaches into the middle drawer for his skinning knife.

"Kenny, help," Came Cartman's hushed voice from the bed.

The blonde startled just a bit before turning to face Cartman who had Stan and Kyle leaning onto him from one side. They're asleep and curled up together under one of Cartman's arms. Kenny frowns, "Did you guys have sex without me?"

"Dude, first of all, gross," His nose wrinkles in disgust at the thought alone, "Second of all, they dragged me over- and lastly, can you open a window before I get thoroughly smoked out."

"Yeah, totally man," He perched himself on his chair to pop open the highest window. Cool air filtered in comfortably as he sat back and and returned to skinning his catch.

"I brought food,"

"I know,"

"You've been eating enough lately, right?"

"I've been living off of rabbits," Kenny gave a snort of laughter at the idiocy of Cartman's concern, "In all seriousness, definitely not, I usually have some berries in the spring."

Cartman went to move, and it drew a whine from both Kyle and Stan. He glares at Kenny, "You will not tell anyone of this."

"I won't," Kenny lied as he shucked sectionals of muscle from bone. It was a swift job, he had two piles on either side of the desk and another splash of blood on the one framed picture he had of his friends.

"You should come back to town sometime," Cartman said, what he didn't say was that he missed Kenny, that was implied.

"No can do," He reached for the pot always resting on the back of the wood stove. It had leftover broth from yesterdays meal, it was still good. He pulled it closer to the hottest part of the stove top before dropping in the bones to boil away the nutrients.

"You seriously don't wanna hit up the Peppermint Hippo with me?"

"I've moved on,"

"Sure you have, look at your walls, pinups as far as the eye can see," There's this shaming shake of the head.

"That's different!" He slid the meat into a separate bucket and sealed it shut.

Kenny defiantly left the room, hauling the bucket into the snow to keep the meat chilled. He hangs his jacket up above the wood stove to dry it off and leaves his boots at the door.

"Room for one more?"

Cartman shrugged, "It's your cabin," he still held out an arm for Kenny despite trying to be aloof.

That's more than enough incentive for Kenny to launch onto the bed which creaked in dismay at the unprecedented amount of weight. He pushed himself against Cartman's side and his friend tugged him even closer, resting his head against Kenny's.

"Dude," Kenny began, "This is-"

"Pretty gay? Just shut up or I'll leave you to deal with Stan and Kyle on your own," Cartman finished, threat to his tone despite how quietly he spoke.

"Alright," He hoisted himself up a bit more, to rest some of himself on Cartman, "If the bed breaks I'm blaming it on you."

And Cartman laughs, a single note, "Sure you will, I'll try and rake up enough cash to buy you a new one if it does."

"Thanks man,"

"You're welcome,"

"No like, for coming on up, I missed you guys,"

"You should come to town sometimes then,"

"Walk all the way there to just be disappointed by the fact that Karen is still stuck at home? I'll pass,"

Cartman pauses, "Still, you should come to town,"

"Wow man, you're so compassionate,"

"It's one of my more desirable traits,"

Kenny just curled up into Cartman a little bit more, hand rubbing his upper arm gently. He drifted off into a comfortable haze of half sleep pretty fast while pressed up against Cartman. He gently held onto Stan and Kyle, tugging them a bit closer despite his better judgement, thank god they're asleep.

"Love you bro," Came Kenny's sleepy words, "And Stan, 'n Kyle."

"They're asleep,"

[ihonestlycanttellyou]

Everytime I go on any of the Leighton tags to vacuum the crumbs of new content of my favorite gross old man up, I always have to sift through a fuckton of garbage (my own posts).

Who let this happen and w h y? ( v_v)