#and we’ve had flashbacks to their childhoods

[harrysfolklore]

charles and his childhood best friend but he's secretly in love with her pretty please

childhood friends to lovers is my favorite trope 🥺 i hope you like this

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

liked by charles_leclerc, lilymhe and 102,625 others

yourinstagram perks of your best friend being a formula one driver: you get to travel to cool places to see him work

📸 by my love @boyfriendsusername

view all 3,087 comments

charlesfan1 the most beloved non wag is coming

charlesfan2 “📸by my love” charles was found fuming

↳ charlesfan3 no bc he refuses to admit he’s in love with her (we all know it)

lilymhe i can’t wait to see you 💗 ♥︎ by author

charlesfan3 is her boyfriend going to the gp?? bc is he is we’re getting pissed off charles again lol

↳ charlesfan2 brazil gp flashbacks 😭

landonorris Don’t forget about me and come say hi ♥︎ by author

↳ yourinstagram will do landoeeee 🫡

↳ landofan1 love this duo

charlesfan4 why does she have to take her boyfriend? 😫 actually can she break up with him and just get with charles ?

↳ charlesfan1 you guys are so disrespectful sometimes, they’ve been best friends since forever you shouldn’t be projecting a relationship between them when there isn’t

boyfriendsusername 😍😍 ♥︎ by author

charles_leclerc About time, I miss you a lot ❤️

↳ charlesfan2 MARRY HER

↳ yourinstagram same hereeeee

↳ charlesfan3 she replied to charles’ comment but not to her boyfriend’s. see? she’s in love with him

liked by charles_leclerc, lilymhe and 114,824 others

yourinstagram cooking breakfast because running over my ex with a truck is not the right thing to do

view all 4,033 comments

charlesfan1 PAUSE. SHE BROKE UP WITH THAT DUDE??

charlesfan2 okay sucks for her but i bet charles is jumping up and down 😭

francisca.cgomes It’s his loss 💗 Ilysm ♥︎ by author

↳ charlesfan1 she’s so loved along the wags she just needs to become a wag herself

carlossainz55 Sending you a big hug, nena ♥︎ by author

↳ carlosfan1 carlos what are you doing here charles would have your head if you ever try something with her

charlesfan3 ITS TIME FOR YN AND CHARLESSSSS LOVE STORY

charlesfan4 it’s kinda insensitive that you guys celebrate that she broke up with her boyfriend and the comments about how she should get with charles… she’s a human being who just had a breakup and charles is literally her best friend and nothing more

charles_leclerc I don’t think it’s a wrong thing to do. Actually, I can run over him with my Ferrari if you want, I know a thing or two about driving cars at a really fast speed 🤷 ♥︎ by author

↳ charlesfan1 CHARLES WTF 😭

↳ charlesfan2 HE HAS NO CHILL

↳ charlesfan3 we knew he always hated him

↳ yourinstagram 😂😂 love you, charlie

liked by yourinstagram, pierregasly and 1,002,367 others

charles_leclerc When your best friend is obssesed with all things aesthetic

view all 15,044 comments

charlesfan1 LOVE OF MY LIFE

charlesfan2 he’s really the hottest man alive

landonorris Can she be my best friend too?

↳ charles_leclerc No

↳ charlesfan1 😭😭😭

leclerc_pascale ❤️

charlesfan3 he looks so boyfriend so i think he should be yn’s boyfriend

yourinstagram you look cute through my lens 🥲

↳ charles_leclerc I always look cute what do you mean

↳ charlesfan1 stop flirting in front of us

liked by charlesfan1, charlesfan2 and 34,836 others

f1gossip Charles Leclerc and YN out in Monaco tonight

view all 2,088 comments

charlesfan1 BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND

charlesfan2 they’re both so pretty. they would make the hottest couple on the grid

charlesfan3 why don’t they just get together ffs 😭

↳ charlesfan1 streets say (and ny street i mean people from monaco) that charles has been smitten over her since they were kids but she always dated other guys

↳ charlesfan2 this must be true like we’ve seen it

charlesfan4 something in the air is shifting people maybe they’re finally confessing that they’re in love with each other lol

↳ charlesfan1 LETTUCE PRAY

charlesfan5 why is this comment section full of weirdos they’re FRIENDS

↳ charlesfan2 stfuuuu

liked by charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri and 120,725 others

yourinstagram back on my tifosi era ❤️

view all 5,033 comments

charlesfan1 YEEEEES

charlesfan2 imagine being charles’ best friend and traveling with him for races

↳ charlesfan1 babe that’s not his best friend that’s the love of his life

lilymhe IT WAS SO GOOD TO FINALLY SEE YOU ♥︎ by author

↳ yourinstagram i literally LOVE you 🤍

↳ charlesfan1 just become a wag already

charlesfan3 see charles was all smiles today because her (ex)boyfriend no longer tags along

landonorris When will the two of you confess to each other

↳ landofan1 LANDO😳

↳ charlesfan1 WTF IS HE CALLING HIM OUT

↳ yourinstagram you’re so weird i never know what you’re talking about

↳ charlesfan2 of course yn is playing dumb

↳ charles_leclerc ???

↳ charlesfan3 PLEASE 😭

charles_leclerc I look weird in that pic :(

↳ yourinstagram you look cuuuute

↳ charlesfan2 KISS KISS

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 250,388 others

yourinstagram i’ve known and loved this one since he was this little. growing up, we talked about what he would become countless of times, and in every single conversation i told him that he was going to achieve every single one of his dreams. today he drives the monaco circuit for the 6th time, and i know this year will be his year and monaco will finally love him back 🏆

love you beyond words @charles_leclerc ❤️

view all 10,187 comments

charlesfan1 AWEEEE

charlesfan2 THIS IS ADORABLE I CANT

leclerc_pascale ❤️❤️❤️❤️

↳ yourinstagram tysm for the picture 🥺

charlesfan3 JUST GET MARRIED ALREADY

landonorris Little Charles Leclerc

scuderiaferarri FORZA CHARLES ! 👏

charlesfan4 CANT YALL SEE THEYRE MEANT TO BE ???

↳ charlesfan1 the thing is we all can see it but they just can’t

charlesfan5 seriously if this ain’t love then what is

f1gossip Charles and YN’s romantic relationship will be confirmed any minute now

↳ charlesfan2 WHAT DO YOU KNOW

↳ charlesfan3 SPILL THE DEETS

charles_leclerc Thank you for being my biggest supporter and never leaving my side. I love you so much 🤍 ♥︎ by author

↳ charlesfan1 STFU STFU

↳ charlesfan2 YN WAKE UP

liked by yourinstagram, oscarpiastri and 3,436,137 others

charles_leclerc BEST DAY EVER ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for everything, I love you all ❤️🤍❤️🤍

view all 43,826 comments

charlesfan1 PRINCE OF MONACO DID IT

schecoperez Bravo Charles! 👏

charlesfan2 IM STILL CRYING

oscarpiastri Congrats bro 👊

pierregasly Bravo Champ!! Trop content pour toi!! ❤️

georgerussell63 Congrats mate !!

charlesfan3 HE DID IT FINALLY

charlesfan4 IVE BEEN CRYING FOR HOURS NOW

scuderiaferrari Bravo Charles !! So proud ❤️

yourinstagram im so proud of you, words are not enough. this was your dream and you achieve it, i love you so much

↳ charlesfan1 AHHHHH

↳ charlesfan2 ADDRESS THE RUMORS WE LITERALLY SAW YOU KISSING

↳ charlesfan3 JUST GET MARRIED

liked by charles_leclerc, lilymhe and 376,956 others

yourinstagram when we were 15 i told him that i would be his girlfriend the day he won the monaco grand prix. i guess it's time 🤍

view all 15,875 comments

charlesfan1 AHHHHHH

charlesfan2 JSDJOEHYSIJON I CANT BELIEVE THIS

francisca.cgomes 🥹🥹🥹🥹

charlesfan3 OMFG HOW IS THIS REAL

arthur_leclerc Finally ♥︎ by author

↳ charlesfan1 ARTHUR 😭😭😭😭

↳ charlesfan2 even their families were rooting for them I CANT

scuderiaferrari ❤️

charlesfan4 WE WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG

charlesfan5 THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST PERFECT WEEKEND EVER

carlossainz55 👏👏👏

charlesfan6 they were always meant to be but they were too stubborn to see it

landonorris I LOVE LOVE ❤️

↳ landofan1 PLEASEEEEE

charlesfan7 they have been in love for YEARS i cannot

charlesfan8 THIS MOMENT WAS LITERALLY PERFECT

charles_leclerc I’ve waited my whole life for this moment 🤍

↳ charlesfan1 IM CRYING AGAIN

↳ charlesfan2 CHARLIE DONT DO THIS

↳ charlesfan3 they’re so invisible string coded

↳ charlesfan4 MY FAVORITE LOVE STORY EVER

↳ yourinstagram 🥺🥺❤️

liked by yourinstagram, landonorris and 3,574,037 others

charles_leclerc Lucly I’m in love with my best friend ❤️

view all 44,399 comments

charlesfan1 AND IM CRYING AGAIN

charlesfan2 THIS IS PERFECT

pierregasly Adorable 🙌

charlesfan3 HANG THIS PICTURE IN THE LOUVRE

charlesfan4 SOBBING SO BADLY RN

instagram 🥺

scuderiaferrari ❤️

charlesfan5 every single soul was rooting for this relationship fr

charlesfan6 I LOVE THEM SM

charlesfan7 childhood friends to lovers 🥹

yourinstagram i love you so much 💗💗

↳ charlesfan1 took you decades to find out but it’s okay girl

↳ charlesfan2 i can’t get enough of this relationship

↳ charlesfan3 YOU FINALLY REALIZED

[tayytayy12]

Flashback when you met me | OP81 x singer!Reader

Summary | The lead up and the result of Oscar and Reader meeting for the first time.

Warnings | Past relationship mentioned, swearing

Notes - Reader and Lando are childhood best friends, Oscar’s still in F2 at this time

FaceClaim - SabrinaCarpenter

Oscar x Nonsense series (you don’t have to read any of these to understand this, it’s just works with Oscar and the same love interest if you’d like to read them.)

—————

Yourusername

Liked by - LandoNorris, GracieAbrams and 2,826,022 | posted November 26th

Yourusername - Meeting you and singing and dancing with you for the past year on tour is a core memory I’ll carry with me always, and I can’t believe it’s over already. Even though most of the songs that I sung in this tour I can no longer relate to, I’m happy that when I look back in them I won’t be reminded of bad memories, but instead all the love you’ve shown me. Thank you for making my dreams come true, and thank you for all the extra love and care you’ve shown me these past weeks. I love you, I’ll see you soon 💕

View all comments

User1 - I CANT BELIEVE TOURS OVER ALRDY OMFG

LandoNorris - Mate we’ve established this, don’t cry over weirdo little boys, you deserve better.

Yourusername - He complimented me someone get a picture

LandoNorris - I take it back.

User2 - I love their friendship omfg

User3 - Forever in denial that I didn’t get any tickets 🫢

User4 -The pic of her crying is so real

User5 - I HATE Y/EX/N

User6 - FR, LIKE HOW CAN YOU CHEAT ON Y/N Y/L/N

User7 -The captions so cuteee 😭💕

User8 - ILY

User9 - Why is she crying?

User10 - The song she was singing, you belong with me, was about her ex and a couple weeks ago photos leaked of him cheating on her with some girl multiple times and he came out and said that he didn’t care and that he’d do it again because he’s a asshole, but when she had to sing the sings that were about him on tour she probably got a bit emotional.

User11 - She’s going MIA for ages now I can feel it

LandoNorris

Liked by - Yourusername, Lilymhe and 1,005,362 others | posted December 14th

Tagged | @/Yourusername

LandoNorris - The duo you all missed is reunited cause I’m dragging this lazy, sad bitch out of bed to be my plus one to the FIA Christmas party tonight 🥳

View all comments

Yourusername - I hate you.

LandoNorris - You wasn’t saying that when you was laughing your ass off ur bed 🤨

Yourusername - Shut up

User12 - SHES BEEN MIA FOR THREE WEEKS

User13 - Poor Y/n 😭

User14 - Lando always delivers with the funny Y/n pics

User15 - I need a friendship like theirs

Yourusername - I’m telling your mum that you dragged me out of bed by my ankles

LandoNorris - Pls don’t she loves you more than me

Yourusername - I’m telling Oliver too

LandoNorris- YOULL HAVE FUN I PROMISE

Yourusername

Liked by - LandoNorris, OscarPiastri and 1,435,028 others | posted December 15th

Yourusername - I hate it when he’s right, but yes I had fun (a lot more than I thought I would and I’ve made a new discovery send help.) ft. The pic I took of Lando’s face when I told him the tea.

View all comments

User16 - Y/n Wdym you’ve made a new discovery I’m scared

Yourusername - GIRL ME TOO.

User17 - Y/N WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DRESS OMG

Yourusername - @/Lilymhe closet 🫢

Lilymhe - THEIF (you look hot so I’ll let it slide)

User18 - What happened for Lando to look shocked and happy at the same time IM INVESTED NOW

User19 - Y/ex/n is looking at this and weeping cause imagine losing Y/N. Y/L/N.

LandoNorris - I know something you don’t, I know something you’ll never know 🥳

Yourusername - SHUT UP OR ILL HURT YOU

LandoNorris - Aw ily too

User20 - LANDO TELL US

LandoNorris - I can’t sorry she just chased me around her house with a coat hanger threatening to hang me

User21 - LMAO

User22 - Y/n, it’s been nine months, GIVE US NEW MUSIC PLS

User23 - Don’t be scared Y/n, tell us the new discovery 🫠

Yourusername

Liked by - OscarPiastri, LandoNorris and 3,653,926 others | posted December 24th

Yourusername - Okay so here’s the deal; my brand new single ‘enchanted’ is out now, surprise !!! It was written and recorded a few nights ago and I had some help writing this in the form of my best friend Lando (who I dragged out of bed at three in the morning because I couldn’t think of a hook, and he came up with a great one so I did the right thing) and it might just happen to be about that new discovery I mentioned.

This is my Christmas present to you all, I love you, I hope you like the song 🤍💕

View all comments

User24 - OMG OMG OMG OMG

User25 - ‘Please don’t be in love with someone else’ Y/N WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT GIRL??????

LandoNorris - Now my resume will say Lando Norris: Karting world champion, F2 runner up, F1 podium scorer, and hit song writer

Yourusername - aw you think the songs a hit

LandoNorris - Duh, ofc it will be. I wrote it…?

Yourusername - Ok.

User26 - ‘My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again’ GIRL YOURE DOWN BAD

Yourusername - GIRL IK

Celebrity.sightings

Liked by - User27 and 82,628 others | posted February 12th

Celebrity.sightings - Famous singers, Y/n Y/l/n (21) spotted out last night with Formula two racing driver Oscar Piastri (21), the two seemed quite happy and comfortable in each others company, apparently the two shared multiple kisses and were spotted out for dinner, all while trying (and failing) to evade paparazzi.

View all comments

User28 - IF THEY WAS TRYING TO AVOID PAPARAZZI WHY ARE YOU POSTING THE PICS

User29 - OMG DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THE VID OF THEM IN THE RESTAURANT???!??!?!

User30 - YES OMG WHEN HE KEPTS CALLING Y/N ‘MY LOVE’ EYGCHYECEHDEUNDEUJDEUDJRYH

User31 - THEYRE SO CUTE WHATTTT

User32 - SO THIS IS WHAT WAS HAPPENING DURING THE RADIO SILENCE AFTER SHE DROPPED ENCHANTED

User33 - Who is this vroom vroom man and how did he steal my girl 😩

User34 - Y/n’s fit eating as always tho

Yourusername

Liked by - OscarPiastri, LandoNorris and 1,636,827 others | posted February 13th

Tagged | @/OscarPiastri

Yourusername - We were gonna do a soft launch but when you’re followed by paparazzi everywhere you go, things don’t always go to plan. But anyway, I love you Oscar, and I’m thankful that lando dragged me out of bed to come to that party cause I met you 💕

View all comments

User35 - OMGOMG

User36 - THE BLONDE AND BRUNETTE THEORY IS ALWAYS TRUE

User37 - I wanted a soft launch man I hate the paparazzi

OscarPiastri - Same

Yourusername - Same

LandoNorris - I’m always the reason for all of your happiness

Yourusername - you’re not wrong tbh

OscarPiastri - I love you 🤍

Yourusername - I love you more 💕

OscarPiastri

Liked by - Yourusername, LoganSargeant and 473,728 others

Tagged | @/Yourusername

OscarPiastri - I was enchanted to meet you too, my love 🤍

View all comments

Yourusername - My god I love you so much

OscarPiastri - I love you so much more 🤍

———

[sturniluvr]

meet my girlfriend

Matt sturniolo x fem!reader

word count: 2,294

warnings: couple spelling mistakes, a couple swear words, lots of fluff (a bit cheesy😅), italics = flashbacks

summary: Matt and childhood friend Y/N announce their relationship on his personal channel.

A/N: Matt is 18 in this fic and reader is 17 as said in fic!

❗️semi proof read❗️

Matt sets up the camera on the dashboard, his best friend of 12 years and girlfriend of 2 years in the car seat next to him. Matt hears Y/N let out a sigh, he looked to his side and saw Y/N looking nervous. 

“It’ll be fine my love. The fans already love you, announcing that you're my girlfriend won’t change that, I promise.” Matt says, grabbing her hand and rubbing his thumb across her knuckles in a comforting manner. “We don’t have to tell the fans if you don’t want to darling. It’s completely up to you.” He added on as he lifts her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. 

“No, I want to do it. Just some silly nerves that’s all.” She replied, intertwining their hands and smiling at Matt. 

“You ready?” He asks. 

“Yeah, press record.” 

Matt hits record and started to talk to the camera, his hand still intertwined with Y/N’s. 

“Hey guys, welcome to my personal channel, where I will be posting content without Nick and Chris. I won’t post as often on here, but I will try my best.” Matt starts with a little laugh before continuing.  

“For my first video on this channel, as you could probably guess by the title, I’m going to introduce you to my girlfriend, she’s a girl that many of you will be familiar with and if not then she’s about to introduce herself.” He added on, Matt gestures for Y/N to introduce herself, she gives a little wave and smile to the camera. 

“Hi everyone, most of you already know me but for those of you who don’t, hi, my name is Y/N and as Matt said, I am his girlfriend. I’m 17 years old, unfortunately I’m still in high school unlike Matthew here” she points to Matt and he lets out a little laugh at her dislike for high school before she carried on introducing herself.

“I just started my senior year, and like the triplets, I am from originally from Boston and I have known the triplets since I was in second grade and they were in third grade I think, is that right?” She looked over to Matt for confirmation to which he nodded. 

“Yep. She’s been in our lives since we were 8 and she was 7. She’s known us longer than Trevor!” He jokes, the couple chuckled together at his random fact. 

“Anyway, today, in honour of announcing our relationship, we’ve decided to answer some questions. I posted a question box on my Instagram story and we’re just going to scroll through and answer some of them.” Matt states. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened up Instagram and clicked on his story to see the questions. He read out the first question. 

“Okay, first question is ‘how did you guys meet?’ you wanna answer it Y/N/N?” she nodded before answering.  

“So, I actually met Nick first out of the triplets, mine and Nick’s science classes got merged one day because my teacher was sick and me and Nick got paired for a project together. Me and Nick became friends and one day he invited me to his house after school, and that’s how I met Matt and Chris, and we were all inseparable ever since. I constantly got them mixed up until they were about 14.” she replies, Matt and Y/N both smiling at the memory of how many times she got the triplets mixed up. Matt handed his phone to Y/N to read out the next question. 

“Okay next question is ‘who made the first move?’ Matt surprisingly, made the first move, I’ll let him tell the story of how it happened.”  

“So, it’s a pretty cliche story, but we were at a party for our high school’s sports teams and cheerleaders which we both had to be at since she’s a cheerleader and I was on the lacrosse team. Me, Chris, Nick, Y/N and a few other people were playing spin the bottle and it was my turn to spin and it landed on Y/N. At this point I’d had a crush on Y/N since we were in middle school, but I just never ‘had the balls to do anything about it’ as Chris would always say to me.” He rolls his eyes, remembering all the times Chris had tried to get Matt to tell Y/N how he felt. He carried on telling the story.

“So obviously, me and Y/N kissed and then the day after at school, I left a note in her locker asking her out on a date, obviously, she said yes to the date and low and behold, 2 years later, here we are. Pretty cheesy but, hey, what can you do about a man in love?” He shrugged his shoulders with a small smirk on his face. 

“Fun fact, I still have the note to this day.” Y/N stated proudly, looking at the camera. Matt looked over at her shocked. 

“You do?” He asked, looking at his girl in pure adoration. She looked at Matt and nodded her head, smiling at him. She handed him his phone back so he could read the next question. 

“Okay, next question ‘what are you lockscreens on your phones? and what is the story behind them if there is one’”  

Y/N pulled out her own phone and Matt locked his so that he was ready to show his lockscreen. She turned her phone around and showed her lockscreen. (a/n: pretend it’s Matt😭)

“Mine is a picture of Matt from a couple weeks ago. Me and the triplets went to the safari park, and I got this picture of Matt looking at the map and trying to figure out where one of the rides were and thought it was cute.” she smiled at her lockscreen before turning off her phone. 

*flashback to safari park* 

Y/N giggled as Matt looked at the map in his hands, confusion evident on his face. The four of them were stood in the middle of the path, Matt trying to figure out how to get to the log flume. 

“Matt c’mon mannnn” Chris complained. Nick rolled his eyes at his younger brother.  

“Baby, do you need help?” Y/N asked. Matt shook his head. 

“Really? Cause you’ve been looking at the map longer than Nick was looking at the elephants.” she chuckled, and Chris laughed along with her, Nick had spent ten minutes staring at the elephants earlier that day. She walked over to him and looked at the map, trying to help him.  

“I got it, I got it, gimme a second.” Matt said. Another minute passed of Matt looking at the map, looking adorably confused with a little smile on his face, Y/N thought he looked absolutely adorable and quickly took a picture before Matt laughed to himself and smiled as he looked at his brothers and girlfriend.  

“I got it! It’s this way.” he pointed in the direction of the log flume, and they all made their way to the ride. 

*end of flashback* 

Matt turned on his phone and showed his lockscreen to the camera. (a/n: again, pretend it’s y/n and Matt😭)

“Mine is a picture that Nick took of us in the car about a month or so ago. We were going on our annual family trip and as always, Y/N came along with us, and we were parked at the gas station and I noticed Y/N had fell asleep on me and Nick saw and took a picture of us and sent it to me and it’s one of my favourite photos ever” Matt spoke. 

*flashback to the family trip* 

Y/N and Matt were currently sat in the very back on the car with Nick. Chris, Trevor and Justin sat in front of them, and Marylou and Jimmy were sat in the front seats. They were parked at a gas station filling up the car and Y/N was falling asleep with her head in Matt’s lap, sharing headphones with him and Nick was sat on his phone. 

“You tired baby?” Matt whispered, looking down at the sleepy girl in his lap. She let out an incoherent mumbled reply. 

“Look at this TikTok!” Chris said loudly, turning around to face Matt and Nick. Matt shushed him.  

“Y/N’s asleep Chris be quiet!”  

“Shit! sorry, look at this TikTok though” Chris repeated, much quieter. The boys collectively laughed quietly at the TikTok he’d shown them, Chris turned back around and showed Justin the same TikTok. 

Matt moved a piece of hair out of Y/N’s face, smiling at his sleeping girl. Matt was unaware of Nick looking at the couple with a soft smile of his own on his face, he’d always been their biggest supporter ever since they told him about their relationship. Nick quickly opened his camera on his phone and snapped a picture of the couple and immediately sent it to Matt, the younger brother opened the message and a grin automatically grew on his face. 

“Thanks man, I love this photo” Matt spoke as he set the picture as his wallpaper and sending it to Y/N, so she also had a copy of the photo. Nick smiled.  

“Of course, I’m your personal photographer.” He joked and the brothers softly laughed before going back to doing their own thing waiting for Jimmy to get back in the car after filling it up. 

*end of flashback* 

Y/N put her phone back in her pocket and Matt passed her his phone to read the next question.  

“Aww this one is cute ‘what is your favourite memory with one another?’ I love this question” she smiled.

“my favourite memory with Matt is probably last Christmas when Matt woke me up around 4 in the morning because it was snowing so much and he just couldn’t wait to go build a snowman, this kid literally had a jacket and coat and my shoes ready for me and just woke me up.” They both started laughing at the memory from last Christmas and Matt hit his head on the steering wheel as he leaned forward laughing, causing Y/N to laugh even more as Matt held his head in his hand.

“Laughing at my pain, I see how it is missy.” Matt exclaimed, he reached over the center console of his car and started tickling her sides causing the younger girl to yelp out and tears started streaming down her face as he continued to tickle her. 

“Okay I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Y/N shouted, out of breath, softly chuckling as she held her hands up in surrender. She passed Matt’s phone back to him.  

The couple continued to answer questions and laugh with each other replaying memories from as early as their childhood to as recent as last week.  

“Okay, final question, this was asked by quite a few people ‘what is your favourite thing about each other?’ We’ll do one physical aspect and then one personality trait, okay?” Matt spoke and Y/N nodded in agreement before Matt continued. 

“My favourite physical thing about Y/N has gotta be her freckles, I’ll admit that I have caught myself counting the freckles on her face before while she’s been asleep” he admitted with a slight blush creeping up on his cheeks.

“My favourite thing about her personality wise is how persistent she is. I’ve seen her get into heated debates with Nick over the most random things and most of the time she’ll win, and I could honestly sit there for hours watching them argue back and forth, it’s so funny” Matt adds with a laugh and he smiles in Y/N’s direction. 

“It’s true, I’ll never let up if I think my opinion is right.” She said laughing with him. “Anyway, my favourite physical thing about Matt is probably his smile, his has got to be my favourite smile ever!” She said proudly, the blue eyed boy next to her stared at her with a soft expression and a wide smile on his face as she carried on talking.

“My favourite personality trait of Matt’s is how attentive and kind hearted he is, like I remember before he made this channel, we were sat on the couch together and he said he wanted to make this channel to help people who may be struggling with mental health like him and to make it a safe space for everyone. And he’s just such a genuinely great guy and nowadays, that’s pretty hard to come by and I couldn’t be more thankful for him. I can confidently say, I can see Matt being the guy I marry when I’m older.” she finished talking. He smiled at her for what felt like the millionth time this video, his cheeks started to hurt from how much she made him smile. 

“I love you baby” Matt spoke, planting a kiss on her cheek, her cheeks flushed.  

“I love you too Matt. So much.” She replied, smiling at the boy she’d been in love with for as long as she could remember. 

“I hope you enjoyed this video guys, we both enjoyed filming it. We love you. Stay happy and stay smiling.” Matt smiled at the camera and Y/N blew a kiss to the camera before he stopped recording. He put the camera down and looked over to Y/N 

“Did you mean that baby? About me being the guy you’d marry?” He asked her, his eyes full of love. She nodded with a smile on her face. 

“Of course, my love. You’re the best person I’ve ever known. You’re my person” she replied. 

He stretched over the center console and placed a kiss on her lips, both of them smiling into the kiss. 

“You’re my person too darling. I’ll marry you one day I promise.” 

And he did.

They got married a few years later.  

A/N: Lowkey was inspired by @imwetforyourmom one shot that was like this. Hope you don’t mind me stealing your idea ahah🫶🏻😅

[jaspvids]

The Diagnosis Of David

Disclaimer: I am by no means a mental health professional. This is just a meta-analysis.

What do we think of when we think of David?

His values of kindness. Optimism. Hope. Conviction. Passion. His drive to do his best every single day. The way he always makes an effort to reach out to others.

But also:

Attachment issues. People pleaser. Rose-colored glasses wearer. And at times, though the fandom doesn’t want to acknowledge it — Selfish. Unstable. Rude. Hypocritical. Kind of a dick.

See this video I made;

He’s complex, so let’s try to unpack him, and figure out what he’s got going on under that floof.

On David’s Childhood

David has been through a number of traumatic events in his childhood, most notably:

Witnessing Jasper fall to his near-death.

Finding Jasper, and being almost mauled by bears during the escape.

Clown school was apparently very bad, given the flashback-like reaction he had when it was mentioned. I’m unsure of his age when this occurred, however.

The fight with Jasper at the cave before they parted ways.

Losing Jasper. He says Cameron told him he was picked up by his parents, but I’m not convinced it’s not just his mind trying to erase painful memories.

As far as what we don’t necessarily see in the show, but can infer, David’s father was either not present or not great. He dreamt Cameron was his real father, as seen below.

And we all know Cameron is an awful father figure to begin with.

Yet, that’s better to David, apparently, than whatever he had at home. Which implies it was likely a pretty bad situation.

This can also be backed up by his attachment to the camp — growing up (and even now) it seems to be more of a home to him than his actual home.

That’s a home that hasn’t ever been mentioned, by the way. Contrary to Gwen, we know absolutely nothing about his family. He hasn’t talked about them once, if I recall correctly.

David is often open with emotions, if not wearing his heart on his sleeve. So why would he never mention his family and home?

We know why.

Even as an adult, he has retained this attachment to Cameron (who has in turn, continued to use this attachment to his benefit). He gets very excited about helping Cameron change in “keep the change” — because he needs to believe people who hurt him can get better. Otherwise, it’s too painful to bear.

The Loss Of Jasper

Part of his childhood, but significant enough to warrant its own section.

Jasper and David had a very interesting relationship. We’ve seen in the past that David was pessimistic, foulmouthed, and hot-tempered, directly compared to an optimistic, peppy, popular Jasper.

But then Jasper saw Cameron’s real self, and David received a modicum of praise for what was likely the first time based on his reaction. And so, they basically did somewhat of a switcheroo.

(David takes on many traits of Jasper after this experience, showing that he does admire him at the end of the day. I believe these traits are the foundation of David’s many masks.)

Despite the whole shebang, further episodes show us that they form a strong bond (or maintain one, we don’t know what happened before the first Jasper and David episode.)

What makes this friendship especially crucial in David’s development is that I believe Jasper was the first person to truly stand up for David.

David is, as we have seen, easily manipulated. Jasper picks up on this, and knowing Cameron’s just trying to use his best friend, tries to take Cameron down.

Jasper essentially died trying to protect David.

If Jasper hadn’t died, I don’t think David would have ended up as gullible and dependent as he is. If he had the more rational and realistic Jasper by his side during the rest of his developmental years, I believe things would have ended up much, much differently.

With Jasper’s death, there seems to be nobody else at camp who knows of Cameron’s crimes, or possibly, doesn’t want to speak out about them. Nobody to stand up for him. Nobody to redirect him.

So there’s nobody to stop the unhealthy-attachment-train from picking up speed.

Cameron And David’s Relationship

Cameron is manipulative and abusive towards David. This even becomes physical:

Despite this, David continues to idolize him as is seen in many cases of abuse. He works his ass off maintaining Cameron’s camp. Cameron’s approval makes or breaks him, because this is the man he sees as a father, unfortunately.

In addition, David is unable to let go of the hope that Cameron can change, because he’s convinced himself that deep down Cameron is still “good”, based on his skewed perception of him. And we all know how that ended.

But as Diane from Bojack Horseman once said —

And that is David’s problem — he wants so much for there to be a “deep down”, that there will be a day where Cameron showers him with praise and throws signed adoption forms at him, etcetera.

He judges Cameron not on who he actually is, but who he wants him to be. And so, the unhealthy attachment remains.

(Which is, of course, incredibly destructive to his mental health.)

Other Things We Know About His Mental Health, From Canon

We know he takes meds.

We know he has (sometimes dissociative) panic attacks.

We know he has been seen to suddenly snap, even to the point of violence.

My Final Conclusion: C-PTSD

(As the trauma has been not just one event, but many over the course of his life, and among other reasons, I believe CPTSD fits better than PTSD.)

David meets much of the criteria, most notably:

Lack of emotional regulation

Dissociation

Flashbacks

Anxiety

Guilt and shame

Distorted perception of abuser

Relationship difficulties

Okay this was long I’m tired good night.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

May I ask why you dislike Malleus so much?

[My TWST character tier list is here.]

[For context on why I dislike Malleus: here and here!]

Many of the reasons previously cited above are still applicable presently (though some points may be outdated since those posts were written before book 7). In this post, I will mostly be focusing on why my thoughts on Malleus have not changed despite the new added content of book 7.

I ramble on for a bit, so I put my thoughts below the cut! Ah—but before you read, please be aware that these are my opinions and not meant to be disparaging to any Malleus likers out there.

Me disliking him should not take away any of your joy!! Go out there and love him for me ^^

A lot of the things happening in book 7 were a long time coming, so really I felt as though Malleus finally “losing it” was affirming of all the red flags from before. Since day 1, his loneliness, aloofness, and awkwardness around his peers were key traits of his. What book 7 does is it magnifies the darkest aspects of his character.

We’ve seen several examples when Malleus has fits of rage and his power flares out of control or he at least threatens it. In Glorious Masquerade, he becomes enraged at the realization that the invitation he received was a false one. In A Firelit Sky, he insinuates that he would be upset if people questioned his presence for the trip. He crushes Lilia’s phone in his own Dorm Uniform vignettes, destroying a friend’s belonging because he was upset about not being invited to an occasion. In book 7, we see a flashback of Malleus freezing the whole castle as a child because his grandmother, overtaken by her duties, could no longer dine with him as promised. Malleus’s temper has been a persistent issue since childhood.

We’ve also seen him act callously toward his classmates and misuse magic to force his will upon them. Remember him stopping time during Endless Halloween Night? How he wanted some ghosts to enjoy themselves instead of missing out on being with everyone for the holiday? Now he’s stopping time in book 7 and keeping everyone in their happy dreams forever. Remember how (in his Dorm Uniform vignettes) Malleus thought it would be easier to make the other dorm leaders come to him instead of him coming to them for their meeting? So then he disregards their autonomy and casts magic that’s normally cast on objects on living beings (something which the other dorm leaders take offense to, as it is dehumanizing). He fails to consider their perspective when he returns to Diasomnia (he basically goes, “well, I wouldn’t have been mad if they cast that spell on me!”). Malleus learns nothing from the experience despite Lilia trying to tell him over and over to be more considerate of others and how different they are from him. Now we have Malleus relating his peers to a virtual pet that he never ever wants to leave him.

Malleus can be stubborn and arrogant. He has a very single-minded way of thinking and often does not consider others’ feelings before he makes the decision for them. Malleus can be insecure. He doesn’t even fully realize he is lonely until Yuu suggests it in book 7, but he’s capable of acting on his bouts of intense emotion. He has always had these flaws, and now they are being brought out in full; we’re being forced to confront OB Malleus and all the complicated, twisting feelings of abandonment that come with him.

Let’s make one thing very clear: I don’t take issue with the overblot boys in general; they are meant to be morally grey characters that act in dubious ways. It would be insincere for me to claim “I dislike Malleus because he did bad things!” News flash, many TWST characters have done bad things or at least questionable things that would give you pause. What separates Malleus from the others and makes him egregious enough to earn significant ire from me is the particular actions he takes (which triggers a personal disdain of mine).

Malleus consistently exerts a scary amount of control over others. This is not a new idea; Riddle and Vil are also notorious for being oppressive or controlling, and I’ll be the first to admit that. (You’ll note that those two are low on my tier list too.) The thing is, Riddle and Vil were very overt and open about their demands for obedience. Malleus can be too, but it’s so insidious how he acts within the dreams. He ignores people’s autonomy, gaslights others, and, again, acts like he knows what’s best for them 💀 Other characters have done these things too, but never to the same scale or by exerting this much power. Malleus then resorts to violence when his lies don’t work, even though he’s fully aware of the power disparity between him and his peers. It feels particularly scummy to me because of how Malleus frames his selfish actions and feelings (his wish for Lilia to not leave) as selfless (for the benefit of his peers) and something everyone else would want in order to justify it to himself 💦 I know he is in (or bordering on) overblot so he wasn’t thinking rationally at that point, plus the fact that many examples I listed come from events or vignettes which may not be canon to the main story timeline. Still, there is a concerning pattern of behavior with Malleus misusing his powers or not being considerate of others and failing to grow from those mistakes. You can only go “oopsie” so many times before you harm someone by accident. I expect people to learn their lesson by then and adopt some proper restraint. He keeps claiming his intentions are good as if that’s supposed to dismiss any harm that results from his actions??? No, his actions still harmed people and he has to deal with the consequences of them, not have them hand-waved away or excused. The behavior I’m witnessing is reminiscent of like… having a toxic friend that is constantly told “hey, what you’re doing/saying makes me feel uncomfortable; do you think you could dial it back?” and the friend tells you they’ll try but then never actually changes their behavior or defends their behavior with “I didn’t mean to, so therefore I did not actually harm anyone”.

You can give me a backstory, but a backstory only goes so far as explaining why he is the way he is; it does not excuse him at all. You can say “He’s a fairy! He’s actually a child mentally! He's sheltered!” until the cows come home, but when he relies on magic to quickly fix the problems he caused instead of stopping to genuinely reflect on why people are mad at him, it’s hard for me to sympathize. Because of his immense power and status, the only person that can reasonably hold Malleus accountable is himself, and he has not demonstrated to me that he can do that.

Book 7 is essentially the payoff for allllll the tropes and traits I never liked to begin with coming into fruition. That’s why Malleus has stayed where he is in my TWST character ranking. I did not expect the writing, no matter how good or tear-jerking, to change that. Until Malleus shows that he’s fully apologetic, recognizes the error of his ways, and consciously tries to connect with others and understand their perspectives, he’s staying squarely where he is.

Am I saying a character with flaws is a bad thing? No, absolutely not! Flaws are what make a character interesting, I’m not faulting Malleus or any other characters for having them. Am I saying that he is poorly written? No, I think Malleus is actually quite a complex character and he’s been really fascinating to follow. I love the emotional complexity of book 7–and it was so clever how the devs related his virtual pet to wishing for happily ever afters for people in his real life. This magnitude of danger is also just about what I expect of book 7 and the themes of togetherness that TWST was angling for from the start. But the fact remains unchanged that I perceive his attitude as irritating at best and reprehensible at worst.

My distaste for Malleus is based entirely on my own views and life experiences. The specific flaws Malleus has and how he acts because of them don’t sit well with me and the kinds of things I enjoy in fiction. It’s not anything deeper than that!

[matan4il]

Buddie 611 meta

I LOVED that the ep showed us how Eddie wasn’t doing compressions on Buck because someone instructed him to. No, he just couldn’t stand by, couldn't let someone else try to bring his partner back to life, so he announced he was taking over, fuck anyone who would try to stop him. No one even tries to, they wordlessly acknowledge Eddie as Buck's mad with worry partner, much like how in 315, the team treated Buck while Eddie was in danger. And then Eddie shocks Buck’s heart back and gets his pulse going again. Eddie literally kept Buck’s heart going, and then he was still so distraught that he yelled at the medical staff (even though as a medic, he knows it’s pointless), “Do more!” 'Coz that’s what Eddie himself was doing, he stepped in and did more than he was asked to, a continuation of us having seen him doing exactly that in 610 as well, when he didn’t wait for Bobby to decide what to do to help Buck, Eddie charged up an electrocuted ladder he was just thrown off of. Because when it comes to Buck, he will always do more. ~~

The significance of the bond between them is also shown when Eddie is the first flashback Buck experiences within the coma dream, the first lifeline to the real world. That’s continued when the second flashback is to the tsunami, where Buck saved Chris. However, Eddie and Chris aren't quite present in these flashbacks. Buck’s subconscious is at war with itself. The Diaz boys are this powerful connection to the real world (much like Buck and Chris were Eddie’s back in 315, as I tried to demonstrate in this gifset), but the coma dream shows the power of childhood trauma and how much we can be trapped by the desire to fix it. The whole dream contrasts Buck having parents who are loving, who want and appreciate him, with everything bad that would happen if he weren’t with the 118. As the dream goes on, the price keeps getting higher, yet Buck still struggles until the very end with letting go of the illusion that his parents love him, and the sense he himself can be fixed if they do, like he’d then finally feel good enough. That’s why, in a sense, Eddie and Chris have to be more absent than present for the coma dream to be seductive. Because if they’re fully present, if he truly engages with their coma versions and remembers the family unit he has outside the dream, the balance would be tipped over, the battle would have been decided before Buck had a chance to learn his lesson.

That’s why he only hears what happened to Eddie, he doesn’t witness it firsthand, and why when the dream's seductive nature is failing, suddenly Chris is there (despite his coma version not being in LA) to tempt Buck into staying. Even then, walking away from the dream version of Chris while telling him that he’s not real is the only thing Buck says he'll always feel guilty about. ~~ 

I just gotta include a small note here on how much I love the progression we’ve had from Bobby saying in 101 that while Buck calls him “pops,” they’re not a family, through Buck telling TK aloud that Bobby’s basically his dad (in the crossover) to Bobby finally admitting this is true for him as well. I’ve pointed out this season repeatedly (like in my 610 meta) that the show’s dealing with questions of fatherhood, including the question of biology in that context, and this ep was no different, yet this truly was one of the highlights for me when it comes to this theme. I love how much Buck and Bobby mean to each other. ~~ 

Buck’s mom saying “your kids” and Buck being confused until she clarifies it’s not his actual children, it’s his students, then his disappointment, that’s one loose end that the ep didn’t wrap up, because that is a continuation of the whole sperm donor situation (with Margaret once more being at the center of confusion on whether Buck is a dad or not). This one is only going to be really addressed once Buck fully deals with his role in Connor and Kameron’s baby’s life, something he can’t properly do until he also faces his role in Christopher’s, a role that this ep really emphasized. No other kids were by Buck’s bed, not even May who has free access as a legal adult and who has now admitted she knows Buck is her step dad’s other kid. Chris needs his Buck in a way that no other firefam kid does. ~~ 

Which brings me to the heart wrenching fate we (and Buck) learn the Diaz boys have suffered in his absence. I have mentioned countless times in my meta posts how important I believe 204 was to Buddie. How critical Buck’s decision to step into Eddie’s mess with him was. Not once, but twice in that ep, first when he helps Eddie by talking to Bobby about Chris spending the day at the station with the 118, then when Buck introduces Eddie to Carla. I have always said Eddie was very attracted (and not just physically) to Buck from the start, but Eddie’s Christopher’s dad first, so he never would have been able to fall for anyone who doesn’t also love his son as much as he does. In other words, I’ve always thought the heart eyes Eddie gives Buck at the end of the Carla introduction scene, that was the moment when he was gone. And now we learn how meaningful Buck himself knows that was. Without that happening, his subconscious just knows Eddie’s parents would have succeeded with their threat of getting Chris away from his dad, leading to Eddie completely falling apart. Buddie's tale is a love story, and this coma revelation is basically the show telling us Buck’s subconscious already knows this. ~~ 

Eddie’s reactions in the real world are also a reflection of how important Buddifer’s little family unit is to all three of them. Keep in mind, even with his therapy, Eddie is still a reserved guy, right? He normally remains calm in the face of adversity, it takes a lot to rattle him, he doesn't easily get to the point where he falls apart emotionally. When he does in this ep, he only allows himself to when his son is looking away. And even then, he just can't go on answering Christopher's questions about Buck's state. So it highlights how important Buck is to Eddie, when the latter DOES fall apart. When he jumps in to take care of Buck on the gurney as it’s wheeled into the hospital. When he shouts at the medical staff. When he looks so wrecked at the hospital, close to what previously it took weeks of insomnia to do to him. When he can’t look at Buck's comatose body or stop himself from crying while he listens to Chris speaking or bring himself to be strong for his son and answer him. And of course, when the reserved Eddie goes against hospital regulations and parental common sense (to keep your kid away from disturbing sights), sneaking his son in to see Buck. But Eddie does it because he gets it. When Chris says he needs to talk to Buck, Eddie knows the full weight of this, because it’s his truth, too. Both Diaz boys need their Buck to wake up. So everything Chris is saying, all the comfort he’s offering, along with the insistence that Buck MUST return to them? He’s speaking for Eddie as well. ~~ 

I also liked that Buck realized during his coma dream two truths that seem, but are not, mutually exclusive: that he does have a family worth going back for, but that ultimately, he’s returning for himself. He’s not trying to please anyone else, he’s not trying to get anyone else’s approval. His adoptive family matters to him, even his bio parents who have failed him repeatedly matter, but at the end of the day, he’s not going back because his loved ones do or don’t need him, do or don’t accept him, do or don’t approve of him. He’s going back because he loves them and he wants to be with them. And that ties in with another thing we see in this ep. 

Bobby describes the coma dream as a world where Buck can fix everything. Buck says not all, seemingly implying he couldn’t bring Bobby back from the dead. But that’s not actually true, is it? 'Coz the coma world is Buck’s subconscious, it can be altered in whatever way he wants. Bobby can be there and talk to him despite being “dead” which means... he’s not really dead, not in the way that makes death so tragic, depriving us of our loved ones. Chris can be at the hospital, despite not being in LA and not knowing Buck. It’s a coma dream, there are no rules! Buck’s subconscious is king! And we know how important it is for Buck to fix things, Eddie pointed it out in 504, and we saw a callback to this just last week. The climax of this ep is even set against the musical backdrop of Coldplay’s Fix You. But this trait stems from Buck feeling like he needs to fix things, to be the hero, in order to be worthy of love. In the coma, Buck realizes he IS loved. And therefore, he doesn’t need to fix EVERYTHING in order to make a difference and be deserving of love. He IS enough, exactly as he is, limited fixing possibilities and all. That’s how he gets to choose both his loved ones and himself in coming back to reality. ~~ 

Oh, can we talk about the heart drawings scene from 514 and how it relates to this ep? I recently answered an ask about it, and pointed out I think Eddie’s heart has been Chris for years now, and for a long time, it was only him. But that scene showed how, thanks to the way Buck has been there for both of them along the years, helping, healing and loving them, Eddie’s heart is no longer exclusively his son. It’s Buck, too. Which explains why the heart theme we’ve been seeing with Eddie since 413 has expanded to include Buck’s in this ep, with Eddie literally restarting it. So 611 really affirms who Eddie’s heart now belongs to. We see how, without Buck, he would have lost Chris as well. Without Buck, he would have lost his whole heart. ~~ 

And that brings us of course to what kind of a person Eddie would be once that happened. We learn he would have become this angry man, drawing on his reaction during the lawsuit story arc. But notice that in both cases, a part of the issue causing Eddie's anger is not having Buck. Yes, back in s3 Eddie was dealing with Shannon’s death, but he doesn’t really start losing it until he also can no longer speak to Buck. Similarly, in the coma dream, he becomes Angry Guy due to the loss of Chris, but that is tied in with the absence of Buck in his life. In other words, losing Buck causes Eddie SUCH grief, that it has no other way out except for rage. ~~ 

Did you notice how once again, Buck got to be Madney’s truth teller? He did that first in 208, when he realized Madney are basically dating. Interestingly, everything he told Maddie about them was also true for him and Eddie. Then in this ep, he tells Chim Madney basically should be married, since they already share every other part of domestic and committed life. Obviously this will come into play soon. So just remember that once again, his words can be easily applied to Buddifer as well, plus Buck’s truth teller status was paralleled back in s2 with Maddie in 204, when she asked her brother about his newfound boy crush on Eddie... ~~ 

Okay, last one, but I just had to share with you maybe my fave parallel from this ep. You might have noticed in my 610 meta how much I think the lightning stroke parallels the shooting arc. Well, this was true with one of the sweetest moments in the ep’s conclusion. Just like how, at the end of 414, we got to witness Eddie hugging Chris while Buck watched on, so we get to see Buck hugging their son while Eddie looks on now. Except Eddie isn’t just looking. He enables the hug by helping Chris into Buck’s arms. Tell me again: how is this not a family? How are these men not partners, dedicated and loving towards each other in every way that matters...? ~~ 

Please enjoy direct links to my weekly meta posts, my Buddie gifs and more of my content in my pinned post. Endlessly thankful to @whosoldherout​, who​ blows my mind away every week with her hard work and beautiful gifs for my meta. Tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know if you wanna be added/removed here. Thank you in advance for any reblog and like! I’m operating on far too little sleep in order to get this posted quickly, so I can't explain how much any and all encouragement matters to me. Thank you! xoxox

[samwinchesterdefender]

sam winchester and dogs - analysis

nobody really seems to talk about this. the other day, i saw that clip of sam and dean going through the memory of the time sam ran away for the first time in a while, and it made me think. we only see sam with dogs a handful of times in the series, at least owning them, and there’s a reason for that— dogs are a symbol of imperfect happiness for sam winchester.

⚠️there will be MAJOR spoilers in this post⚠️

example 1 - bones

we see bones in the episode when dean and sam are going through some of their best memories. one of sam’s is the time he ran away for two weeks and hid somewhere with a dog he found—bones—and lived off “funions and mr pibb”. people often criticize him for this in favor of dean, because dean tells him that john beat him for losing sam. however, people don’t really seem to mention the backstory for this (probably? not all the details line up, but this is seemingly the first time sam ran away) that we got for this later in the episode with sully.

in the episode, we get flashbacks of one part of sam’s childhood: dean and john were on another hunt and wouldn’t let him come with. he had asked sully, “ever think… about running away?” which sparked a conversation about sam’s future which ended in sam deciding to actually run away and ended with a cut back to present day.

sam had decided to run away because he was tired of feeling unvalued and hated the way he was currently living. he didn’t really hate his family— he was just a kid sick of being alone with no promise of change soon. when he ran away, though, he was still alone. he was just alone without promise of dean and john being home in a few days. he thought it would fix his problems, but it didn’t. he didn’t have the greatest relationship with john, but he did love dean. he didn’t really show it as a kid but dean was the only one who showed him real love, and he needed that. he didn’t have that anymore.

this is the first instance sam is shown owning a dog, and it comes after sam ran away for something he thought would fix his life but ended up not really measuring up in the end. he was ripped back from his little adventure right back into his old life. he couldn’t escape. he was free,

but he didn’t have dean.

example 2 - riot

one of the WORST plot lines on this show. i’ll say that. weird choice for sam. regardless, it stands with the analysis.

we all know how sam hit the dog and went to live with amelia instead of looking for dean. it came from the idea that dean used that one time they had evidently agreed on where if one of them died, the other would live a normal life. personally i don’t think sam would have actually done this at this point in the show, but whatever. dean had lisa and ben, and this was sam’s version. sam’s chance at normalcy. we see bits of his life with amelia develop over multiple episodes, and he was even living with her. amelia made him happy. and they really showed that dog a lot.

the dog lived with them, obviously. the second instance of sam owning a dog. sam was trying to start this new life for himself of being a guy who settles down with someone and lives his life in peace. of course, that didn’t really end up working for him, as he left amelia to go back to hunting.

yet again, we have a dog present during a time sam was trying to escape his problems and start over. sam was starting to get this life for himself that he never really thought he would have, but that he always had as an unattainable dream. he was free,

but he didn’t have dean.

example 3 - miracle

the final instance shown of sam owning a dog. dean had found this one, which, as we’ve seen from the takeaway of the two previous examples, was actually foreshadowing of dean’s death in the final episode.

unfortunately, we all remember how 15x20 starts with sam and dean in a semi-normal life. they’ve beat chuck. they’ve saved the world multiple times, and lost so many people in the process. they finally get some normalcy, while still keeping up the little hunting jobs. and then dean somehow dies on that damn rusty rebar.

immediately proceeding is what i can remember through heavy tears as an extremely sad montage of sam living his life without dean, permanently, with parallels to earlier scenes in the episode. then we get that shot of sam and miracle watching dean’s body burn.

dean had unknowingly found sam a companion before he died. this was what sam had left of his big brother. a dog. he took that dog with him when he left the bunker, and took care of him until the day he died. they had both loved that dog. sam had gotten a taste of a free life— a free life with his brother, unshackled by world-threatening evils. that was then forcibly taken away from him in an instant. he was once again alone. alone with miracle. he was free,

but he didn’t have dean.

[odessa-castle]

I'm bouncing around a larger post about Nishiki and the mortifying ordeal of being known, but in the meantime I'm thinking about Nishiki and Kiryu and how the clothes make (or don't make) the man. Like, beyond my visceral horror that Kiryu begged Nishiki to pick out a safe and boring suit for him in Y0 and then said he was envisioning something purple with gold stripes.

I'm thinking about Nishiki's incredible sensitivity to image and his need to control how he's perceived. I'm thinking about Kiryu's inability to let go of the past. I'm thinking about how KIryu dresses like who he thinks he is, and Nishiki dresses like who he thinks he wants to be.

There's some interesting incidental dialogue between Nishiki and Kiryu in Y0 while they're en route to the men's suit store. I wish it wasn't so easy to miss, because there's a lot to unpack here. (I'm just transcribing the English in-game subtitles here; I don't speak Japanese so I have no idea how loose vs. direct the localization is in this part.)

NISHIKI: …now that I think about it, you've been dressing like an old man since we were kids. KIRYU: Have I? NISHIKI: Yeah. The few times we got to pick our clothes, it was always like, "you're choosing THAT?" NISHIKI: I wouldn't say you're a plain guy…You'd pick shirts with weird prints though. KIRYU: Guess I forgot all that. It's weirder to me that you haven't. NISHIKI: Well, confession time. You're why I started caring about fashion. I swore I'd never go out dressed like you. KIRYU: Come on, I'm not THAT bad. [we have already discussed why kiryu is, in fact, that bad.] NISHIKI: [laughing] Aww, did I hurt your feelings? NISHIKI: Well, this time you've got me with you. I'll see my bro gets taken care of. KIRYU: Heh. What an honor. NISHIKI: Leave it to me.

Nishiki doesn't bring up Sunflower Orphanage much; when he does share memories of his childhood, those memories are kind of painful (see: "do orphans not get to dream?"). Kiryu's surprised that Nishiki remembers how they dressed as kids, but it makes sense that wearing a limited selection of hand-me-downs stuck with Nishiki so strongly. His clothes announced his poverty, and they weren't even his -- he had to share them with the other orphans, so what he wore showed he belonged to yet another stigmatized group. And I'm sure people picked up on those visual signals, especially other kids. Kids can be vicious, and appearance is an easy and immediate target! We don't know for sure how young Nishiki interacted with his peers and teachers, but given what the Morning Glory kids go through in Y3 (and given, like, everything about Nishiki), he probably didn't have a great time.

Kiryu frames his childhood as poor but loving, and places much more emphasis on the latter. There might be some rose-colored glasses at work there -- let's look at the flashback where Kazama tries (and fails) to violently dissuade Kiryu and Nishiki from joining the yakuza.

KIRYU: I owe you everything, but this isn’t about that. [...] We’ve looked up to you for all this time. Your car. Your confidence… The way everybody bows to you. We idolized you. I want that life, too. Is that so wrong!?

Nishiki doesn't really speak in this flashback, but like, Kiryu uses "we" enough for us to draw some obvious conclusions about Nishiki's own motivations. That being said, I don't think Kiryu's being dishonest or disingenuous when he describes his childhood as happy, and himself as well-loved. He's not ashamed of his upbringing, and he doesn't hide where he came from. Nishiki seems to have the inverse view. It's not that he doesn't love (at least some of) the people he grew up with, but what comes up first for him is what he didn't have. He didn't have money. He didn't have respect. He didn't have a cure for his little sister. He didn't have a lot of choice, right down to the clothes he wore.

(There's a whole other essay here about why Kiryu's and Nishiki's perspectives diverge on this, but I'm trying to limit the scope of this post. Suffice to say that, while I don't think game canon gives a timeline, I do think Nishiki was a little older when his parents were killed -- old enough that he actually remembers them, at least.)

The same mindset fuels Nishiki's interest in fashion. Yeah, part of it is that he's ribbing Kiryu, but I think it goes deeper than Kiryu wearing ugly shirts. Nishiki doesn't want people to look at him and see what's missing. Fashion isn't a means of personal expression for him, really. It's a message. It's the interplay of knowledge and resources and presentation: knowing what clothes read as successful and trendy and expensive, being able to afford those things, and convincing people that your successful important outfit makes you a successful important person. And he's not wrong about the social dimensions of fashion.

NISHIKI: Try sporting a suit that runs 500 grand for once. Trust me, you’ll see the world in a whole new light. KIRYU: Fashion’s not my thing. Besides, Kazama-san never wore flashy clothes. NISHIKI: You do realize he’s the family captain, right? Number two in the whole Dojima operation? You get to that level, you can wear whatever you damn well please. But for the rest of us, “flashy” is part of the business. KIRYU: So that fancy new car you bought was just “business”. NISHIKI: Yeah, and that fancy lighter of mine, too. Which you still haven’t given back. KIRYU: You want to play the rich guy, quit being so stingy. NISHIKI: But you get what I’m saying, right? People see the expensive car, the designer jacket, and the gleam of that little Dojima pin, they pay attention. A yakuza’s only as good as his image. [...] Take your buddy today. These squeaky-clean idiots, borrowing money just to blow on tits and booze… Nobody in this town gives a crap about substance. What you see is what you get.

That's our first take on one of the major themes of the game: what does it mean to be yakuza? Again, there is truth to what Nishiki's saying here, particularly in terms of the ethos of the eighties. I'm not an expert on the bubble era, but the worldbuilding in the game speaks for itself. People hail taxis with 10,000-yen bills. You punch money out of punks during random street battles. Nishiki keeps a personal bottle of high-end booze at a bar he's visited twice, mostly because he "can’t stand being taken for a bum." The act of spending is important, not what you're spending it on.

Nishiki's outfit in Y0 is perfectly suited (heh) to that outlook. And look, I might be inviting controversy here, but in context, I think it's a werq. Yes, it's loud. But the silhouette -- squared shoulders, single breasted, thinner peaked lapel -- is right on trend for the time period, and it fits him well. The colors look good on him. The bold pattern (no, it's not animal print) under the solid maroon is a risk, but he pulls it off. And excess aside, he knows when to pull back on the accessories. It's bright and confident and memorable, and boy would Nishiki like to be all of those things.

Also -- and importantly -- Kiryu would never go out dressed like that. Because we can't talk about Nishiki and Kiryu without talking about Nishiki's Mt. Fuji-sized inferiority complex. Mastering image doesn't just make Nishiki stand out; it makes him stand out from Kiryu. Let's go back to the beginning of the game.

NISHIKI: I’ll admit, though, you’re finally starting to look the part. You make a pretty convincing yakuza. You’re done with collections today, right? KIRYU: Yeah. NISHIKI: Good. That should put Kazama-san’s mind at ease a bit. KIRYU: Heh, dunno about that. But he always knew all I could do is fight. You’re the one who’s good at the dance.

Nishiki then calls attention to the "rags" that Kiryu's wearing, which...is not an unfair assessment. (TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT, KIRYU. HEM YOUR PANTS.) As the two of them walk around Kamurocho, Nishiki offers Kiryu plenty of hot tips, from meeting girls to making big bucks to cozying up to the brass. But even when Nishiki's opining on his area of expertise, there's a competitive edge to it. "You asking me to pick out clothes for you means you admit you have terrible taste," he tells Kiryu on the way to the suit shop. Kiryu tells him to shut up, but there's no actual hurt behind it. Kiryu doesn't really care that his taste in clothes sucks. Fashion isn't important to him. Most of the things Nishiki knows so much about don't really matter to Kiryu. And that makes Nishiki feel more insecure! Because if Kiryu rolls out of bed looking like a yakuza, if Nishiki's image counseling sessions aren't helpful or meaningful, if Kiryu can skip the dance and get to the top on the strength of his fists and convictions, then who cares about Nishiki's 500 grand suit or his hourlong hair care routine? If image isn't what makes a yakuza, what does that make Nishiki?

At the end of Chapter 6, Nishiki tries to look out for Kiryu again -- this time, by granting him a merciful death before the Dojima Family drags him to the Hole. It's one of my favorite scenes in the game. Nishiki's crying too hard to aim the gun properly; Kiryu tells him to man up and shoot. Finally, Nishiki collapses.

NISHIKI: Can’t do it… How could I shoot you!? Without you, I’ll always be nothing. Can’t make it as a yakuza… No. I wouldn’t even still be alive now if I didn’t have you beside me! I’m just… If you’re not with me, I’m useless! Nothing means anything!

Mastering image hasn't granted Nishiki anything of substance. At the end of the day, Nishiki's playing dress-up, and he knows it.

And I'm almost certainly getting into overthinking-this territory now (if I haven't gotten there already), but I kind of like the spin this puts on Nishiki ripping his expensive suit off in Chapter 14 when he decides to fight the Dojima Family at Kiryu's side. Like yes, ripping off your outer layers to get at the naked (so to speak) truth -- your irezumi, and what it represents -- is just Yakuza Storytelling 101. It's decisive, it's kind of dumb, it's great, it gets me hyped every time. But I like that Nishiki's honest answer to "what does it mean to be a yakuza?" isn't about looking the part. I am genuinely trying not to end this paragraph by saying that Nishiki must become like a dragon, but like...you get where I'm going with this.

Of course, Nishiki's back to playing dress-up in Y1/Kiwami. I'm not the first to call the Patriarch Nishikiyama look a glow-down (though I like the patterned white tie). Like, fashion-conscious Nishiki would look good in a Hedi Slimane/Tom Ford-esque skinny black suit. But he picks a silhouette you'd expect to see on a much older man, torso-swallowing pants and all. The slicked-back hair doesn't help. He's just so transparently trying to look bigger and broader and older, and he doesn't pull it off. Big Bad Patriarch isn't a good look for him, in any sense of the phrase.

A final thought: Kiryu's clothes, and Nishiki's commentary on them, are the subject of their first conversation in Y0 -- and of their last. Kiryu's costume progression in Y0 is a pretty obvious commentary on his journey, to the point where Kiryu and Nishiki explicitly call attention to the color connotations in their final exchange. As a Dojima grunt, he wears black, and it doesn't look good on him because "brutish thug who keeps his head down and does what he's told" isn't a role he's comfortable with. He wears white when he works in real estate, but the change in color isn't enough to sell anyone on his transformation into a civilian. Although it's a little rich for Oda "Red Clown Shoes" Jun to chide someone for not wearing a proper suit. At the end of the game, Kiryu's in his classic grey suit, and well, the game spells it out:

KIRYU: I’m not feeling black or white these days. This is where I’m at right now. I chose it myself. I’m making it a fresh start. NISHIKI: Fine, fine. See if I care! Wear it the rest of your life!

Nishiki, dismayed, tells Kiryu that the grey suit already looks dated, but for Kiryu, "fresh start" doesn't mean "on trend". His image might be out of step with how other yakuza view themselves, or want to be seen, but if he's always going to look like a yakuza, he might as well stake his claim on what being a yakuza means. Still, it's telling that, even as a young man, Kiryu looks like a throwback to an earlier era. As the series progresses, the games hammer this home more and more. How many antagonists tell Kiryu that he's out of touch with the modern world, that he represents a version of the yakuza that no longer exists, that it's time for him to make way for the next generation?

"Wear it the rest of your life!" is a funny little in-joke, yeah, but...it's a little sad when you think about it, isn't it? Kiryu gets new outfits from Y3 on -- and in every game, he ultimately puts the suit back on and heads to Kamurocho. It's exactly of a piece with how Kiryu views being yakuza. We, and he, can debate the exact extent of his retirement from the Tojo Clan's affairs, but the yakuza isn't a career for Kiryu, it's a set of beliefs he carries with him. He wears the suit the same way he wears the dragon on his back: as an indelible part of his self-image.

[lotusparadisaea]

I keep thinking about how Only Friends would've benefited from a longer run-time and how some specific things of the show could've been handled a lot better if that were the case so I'm writing them down to have them all out there.

Giving Top a personality.

I think one of my many grievances with the show (despite the fact that I like it a lot) it’s the fact that unlike other characters, Top doesn’t seem to have much development outside of his relationship with Mew. We get to learn a little about all these characters episode from episode, yet all we know about Top are throwaway things that are almost never mentioned again or instantly resolved, or don’t carry throughout the show.

For example, his drug use. We learn about his drug use and apparently, it’s immediately resolved once Mew offers to sleep with him to make him stop. He can, it seems, stop cold turkey. Although he seems to be a very “sentimental” user (he talks about being high when he’s alone or to have fun). This is never brought up again, not even when Mew starts using. Which I found weird? I thought maybe he would get back to it after he ended his relationship with Mew, or at least have a harder time deciding not to take it, yet his drug use was mentioned once, resolved instantly, never brought up again.

Then, the sleeping pills and his trauma, we get to learn why he uses him, his trauma around sleeping alone, yet we never really see him struggling with that, in that same scene Mew agrees to sleep with him, and then we see him deciding not to take them, calling Boeing instead. Yet. We never really see him struggle with not being able to sleep otherwise. He has PTSD about a traumatic event on his childhood and I think he, as a character, would’ve benefited from a scene where, after breaking up with Mew, and before calling Boeing, he tries to sleep alone and isn’t able to, maybe showing his discomfort, an anxiety episode or something similar. The worst thing is this scene exists, where he decides to take someone else home after he sees Mew and Ray but fails, he can’t have sex with them, he CRIES and has to tell them to go away, and YET THE SCENE WAS DELETED.

Just learn more things about him in general. We know Nick’s dreams of animation and Boston’s photography, we know Sand wants to travel the world and go to music festivals, damn, we even know Cheum’s girlfriend, April, who only shows up for like three episodes is going to film school and makes confusing indie short films, yet we don’t seem to know much about Top’s aspirations, dreams, likes and dislikes, other than the fact that he used to sleep around and now he’s in love with Mew.

Boeing showing up sooner.

Had Only Friends been a longer show not being cut short by the typical run-time of your average GMMTV BL, and it had, let’s say, 18 episodes (like other gmmtv shows such as PSIHY), Boeing’s appearance in the last stretch of the show could’ve been less rushed. He could’ve showed around episode 12 and still make chaos and ruin relationships for six episodes, instead of three episodes where we barely get to learn anything about him other than he deeply dislikes Top for having dumped him. Like, why is he trying to get on with everybody? What are his motivations? Does he just like the drama? Does he have an actual plan? Like I could say: Boeing deeply regrets leaving Sand for Top, he realizes he made a mistake as soon as Top dumps him, and since then he plans to get Sand back and ruin Top’s life. That could be a motive. But we don’t know much about him, not really.

And also, sooner as in: we should’ve had flashbacks of his and Sand and Top’s relationships. I know that would’ve ruined the reveal of the actor, but I think there are clever ways to show flashbacks of a relationship without showing the actor’s face if the reveal was so important. Right now, we see Sand being awkward around Boeing but never straight up saying no, why is he so hesitant? The whole show we’ve seen him being in love with Ray, what was his relationship with Boeing like? Why did it make him hate Top so much to enact a revenge plan on him, even knowing he could hurt the person he currently likes? Were things really that insane? We know they had plans together but that’s because we were told this episode, it would’ve been so much better if the change we see Sand have in Boeing’s presence had much more context.

Exploring more the different relationship and dynamics

Okay, I think the show does a great job at this but there are things that seem so out there, that aren’t really developed or that could’ve use deeper approaches.

The group friend: why are they even friends? Did they met in university and found out they were all queer and banded together? Why, if both Cheum and Mew find Boston’s sexual life so awful they stick around him? Why did Cheum act like Ray was the only one at fault in the whole raymew debacle when they’ve always known he has substance abuse problems and he’s in love with Mew? Why does she says Ray never cares about them and yet the first scene of the show it’s them poking fun at Ray for always telling them he loves them while he’s drunk and he’s drunk all the time? The whole friend group should’ve had a deeper approach, imho.

Ray and Mew: okay, so Ray is in love with Mew. Mew knows this. We know Mew stopped Ray from committing suicide and that deepen their vow. We know Mew chose to be with Ray because he wanted to hurt Top. We know Ray couldn’t say no to Mew, even though by that point he already liked Sand. Yet we barely have any scenes of them together. We hear from their friends that their relationship was a mess, as short as it was, but we only really get one episode showing it. The next episode they broke up and are really mature about it, which? Okay, fair, but what was really their relationship like? We had glimpses of it.

Cheum and literally anyone else other than Mew: she’s Mew’s ride or die apparently, but she’s supposed to be friends with all of them. She even says if she weren’t a lesbian she would choose Ray, yet we never see her being a good friend to any of them. She’s literally a better friend to Top that she ever was to both Ray and Boston.

No half-assed plots

Sometimes it feels like the show is trying to do too much and it isn't able to. Specially these last episodes. The whole Atom/Boston debacle could've been better if it had taken more episodes to develop. We don't see his "friends" ostracizing him other than the first confrontation, but like, they literally threw him off their thesis project, even if Boston is leaving, i think he would've been at least a little worried about not being able to graduate. Atom hasn't gotten any consequences, Cheum and Mew have not apologized. I feel like this plot should've been better executed.

Same thing goes for Mew's little "Reputation" era.

And other plot points like, apparently Sand and Ray were sleeping together all the time when Ray and Mew were together? But this was never shown, in fact, it was implied Sand was keeping his distance, trying his shot with Freddie #2, telling Ray he wasn't his rebound or second option ALL THAT WHILE STILL SLEEPING REGULARLY WITH HIM?? There's a lot of "tell and don't show" in the series and it falls flat because of it.

The things they did show are good, for example, Ray's drinking problem. When we finally reach the rehab plot it doesn't feel rushed or out of nowhere because we've seen Ray drink all the show.

More development for the main couples.

This is self-explanatory, but like Jojo himself said they had to cut scenes for ALL of them because of the run time. I feel like for a relationship/character driven show, sometimes it really seems affected for the short run time. There are scenes we see in previews we don’t get, scenes that are released ON TWITTER because they didn’t make it to the show and a lot more of depth in the book that in the show and if that’s not a clear sign that the show should’ve been longer idk what it is.

[becauseimanicequeen]

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Unknown ep. 11

I’m just going into this episode wanting Qian and Yuan’s first kiss. That’s it. That’s all. Now, hit me with it!

Qian grabbed Yuan’s wrist. It was all the confirmation Yuan needed. I have a feeling that he will be even bolder now than what we’ve seen so far. And I love it.

Well, damn! That went from 0-100kph really fast. Yuan was starving, and I don’t blame him. He’s been starving for a loooong time. Even dreaming about it at night, it seems.

I love that Qian took the first step with the kiss. Yuan was straightforward and honest about his feelings and what he wanted (to be more than a brother, to be someone Qian could rely on, to be with Qian for the rest of his life, etc.). But Qian took the first step with the kiss. He’s finally “in his feelings” rather than trying to think it through or analyze it.

One thing I have to say I didn’t quite like about this scene, though, was the editing. I don’t mind the flashbacks (as in the flashbacks of some of their past moments) because it shows their story and adds emotional weight to the whole scene. I love that. But the buildup wasn’t there since the sequence of Yuan making his feelings clear and the kiss was chopped up and strewn here and there. For me, it would’ve been much more effective if it happened in chronological order (or if the confrontation from the previous scene had been in the same episode). The editing here fell a bit flat for me and it’s such a shame considering the potential it had of being an incredible climax of the whole series, that they were finally together. Ahhh, I don’t want to feel disappointed…

Look at them being cozy in bed! It’s Yuan’s neck kisses that do it for me…

Btw, this is probably the first time Qian has smiled when anyone has mentioned Lili and San Pang in the same sentence.

The way Yuan sneaked into his own room… lmfao!

The way I CACKLED because of Lili’s bonkers story.

A dating game? I’m getting Our Dating Sim flashbacks.

Here’s Qian, in the middle of a meeting at work, getting flashbacks of his night having sex with Yuan. 1. Absolutely understandable. 2. He’s completely whipped. So, again, understandable. 3. There’s no doubt he wants to have sex with Yuan again. And again. And again. So, once again, understandable.

The way he hit that figure and caught it before it hit the floor… Qian was clearly rattled by his daydream. And who can blame him? My legs would be shaking. (But this is not about me…)

So… The Doc and Le are fucking, right?

You know, Le is damn fine… when he doesn't look like a crazy person. Eh, who am I kidding? He’s sexy as hell when he looks like a crazy person. (I know, it’s a me-problem…)

OMG! Their date. The way I fucking laughed through the whole scene. Yuan accusing Qian of not being romantic, Qian proving the opposite, Qian’s reaction after the kiss, Long being funny as hell with the candle. Every moment was fucking golden! Excuse me as I rewind that a handful of times.

Of course, Qian’s trauma would come back up again at some point. It’s not like he’s dealt with it or been magically “healed”. I’m honestly wondering how the series will deal with his trauma (both the trauma around his childhood and his head trauma) considering there’s only half of this episode plus the next one left.

It doesn’t surprise me one bit that Qian went to the hospital by himself. I get that he doesn’t want to worry Yuan. But he isn’t even giving Yuan the chance to choose for himself.

Hitting yourself on the head won’t help…

It’s come to a point now that Qian has to tell Lili about his health. I mean, surgery seems to be the only option to get better, but the risks are too big to keep it secret.

Qian is talking as if he’s already set on dying. This is so unlike the fighter and survivor he used to be. And, of course, Yuan notices that something’s off.

Seriously, hasn’t Qian learned his lesson about not keeping something like this from Yuan?

I usually love miscommunicating (or non-communicating) characters because of the misunderstandings and drama it usually stirs up. And I love the misunderstandings and drama (in fiction, not real life, btw). BUT! This is riling me up. This is about Qian’s life. His health is in serious danger. Is it in line with his character? Yes, to a certain point. But how many times has he shown how important his family is to him? MANY! Practically the whole series so far. Why would he not want to prepare them for the possibility that he might not be around much longer? This isn’t the time to stay silent. This isn’t the time to avoid the topic. Come on, Qian. Don’t do this to Yuan. Or Lili.

Did you hear that, Qian? The Doc said to discuss it with your family.

The stress Qian is under has made him hide in an ally and start smoking again… If that blood clot in his head doesn’t kill him, the stress surely will.

Excuse me as I weep for a minute or two…

I only have one thing to say about that moment in the alley… Qian is so fucking lucky to have Yuan in his life. We’ve often talked about how lucky Yuan was that Qian found him (which is more than valid because he most likely wouldn’t have survived without Qian). But Qian is just as lucky to have Yuan in his life. Yuan single-handedly reignited the spark in Qian and brought the fighter in him back to life. And Qian needed that. He needed it to at least have a possibility to survive this.

I know I said I only wanted to mention one thing about that scene. But I have to mention Yuan biting Quan’s wrist as well, for the reason that I loved that detail. And because biting is my kind of kink. Not that this was kinky. But it does show that biting can prove a point at times.

Lili is so fucking sweet. And that hug at the end, between all three of them…

I really liked this episode, even though I felt disappointed with the editing at the beginning. But, they’re finally together and Qian has gotten his fighting spirit back.

Now there’s only one episode left and it feels bittersweet. I really don’t want this series to end…

[theplatypusblue]

DR SEASON 2 PT 1 GENERAL THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS TIME

Spoilers for basically everything under the cut :P

In vaguely chronological order (I have already forgotten half of what happened ✌️)

I definitely think the first half is kinda… weak? Somehow? The latter half tho. Oh that latter half. It just felt stronger when we had more stuff going on, I guess. It really started picking up once we met the dragon masters

Man I’m also curious about what got Egalt so emo about humans. Give me the elderly dragon emo backstory…. Give me the centuries old tea about what happened….

Dorama is just?? Hanging out in the desert I guess???? I wonder if we’ll ever get a follow up on that or if it’s just. Y’know. Also I wonder how he controls that puppet thing. Cuz it doesn’t have strings but also I feel like if it was a robot he would be like. Piloting it or something. Who knows.

SPINJITZU BROS MENTIONED!! SPINJITZU BROS MENTIONED!!!! When Wu talked about the sphinx and the Warriors of Felis I was like!!!!!!!!! 👀‼️👆👆👀👀 Ninjago flashback sequences never miss fr‼️

Speaking of flashbacks…. Kai and Nya childhood stuff… the babiues… bwabbies….. babbuysss…. bebies………… buueghugugubuh

AND THE FLASHBACK WITH JAY AND COLE FIGHTING OVER STUPID BULLSHIT AND THEN IMMEDIATELY STOPPING ONCE THEY SAW SOMETHING VAGUELY NOODLE SHAPED they’re literally so stupid I love them so much. Somebody save them.

Okay tbh when the wolf-warrior Jay stuff leaked I was kinda confused but now I think I can see how we get from point a to point b. Like, Jay. feels like he has to hide his powers for whatever reason, then maybe Ras comes in like “Stop hiding your powers. Quit your job. Join my emo band”

Also Jay screen time has been upgraded! From 30 seconds!!! To 90 seconds!!! 🙌🙌🙏 woo!!!

Cole saying “I’m always adorable >:)” when he has that dog potion I have Art Ideas™ hehe

Ras AND Lloyd have visions…. It’s makes me suspicious somehow. Especially since Ras’ master is kind of associated with gold/yellow. Is his master a source dragon? Like, an evil source dragon??? Cuz that’s the only being we’ve seen so far that can induce visions like that but idk…

When Ras put that shocker thing on the forbidden five guy’s neck, that was like, genuinely kinda scary/intimidating. Cuz like, the whole time, the forbidden five were like, spoken about all mysteriously n stuff. But then Ras just comes in like “ur working for me lol you do what I tell you to ✌️”. Like all the Blood Moon stuff made it seem like they’d be an unstoppable force once they were through that portal, but it turns out they were just another piece of some big evil plan. Crazy.

Now the REAL question is… how the tf is wyldfyre gonna get a boyfriend?? Is it just gonna be some guy she meets in pt 2? Like just some random ass dude????? Cuz there’s been zero (0) setup for that plot point in pt 1, so I have no idea how that’s gonna play out. I’m not upset abt it I’m just totally completely lost and confused if that makes sense. Like how do we even get there bro???

[missmahgenta]

Time to ramble once more about Vanessa and the FNAF movie!

I’m kinda curious to see what other aspects of her character she shares with game Vanessa, aside from the obvious.

-While talking about her abusive father, Game!Vanessa also mentions her fear and dislike of dark basements, which does make me think that they might use that in the movies to show the Sister Location (unlikely af? Yes, but we did see baby’s prototype so who knows)

-We’ve talked about Game!Vanessa having rainbow streaks on her hair, but no one has mentioned her glittery pink journal. Fingers crossed that if we get some flashbacks of Movie!Vanessa’s childhood/teenage years, we see both (I just think it would be neat)

-You cannot convince me that both of these girls have ‘friends’ outside of the animatronics. Maybe they are in good terms with a coworker or two, like Game!Vanessa and Luis, but actual living breathing friends? Nuh huh

-On that note, Game!Vanessa apparently has once ordered chocolates for herself and pretended they were from her made up boyfriend. Girlie wants to have someone in her life and wants to appear as stable and normal as possible. Another reason for Movie!Vanessa getting so attached to Abby and Mike so quickly, she probably feels the same loneliness.

-Back to topic of childhood trauma, wouldn’t be surprised if, should Mrs. Afton be mentioned in the next movie, that her fate would’ve been the same as Game!Vanessa’s mom, who had her daughter turned against her during a brutal divorce and ended up offing herself.

-Game!Vanessa somewhat enjoys cooking, and I hope that Movie!Vanessa does too because Mike doesn’t seems like a good chef (you’re seriously telling me that Abby, a child, would rather eat leftover soup than the grilled cheese her brother made for her? Just how badly did he fuck the sandwich up?)

-Game!Vanessa seems to suffer from severe anxiety and depression. Idk but this makes the scene where Movie!Vanessa yeets Mike’s meds into the river kinda funny, since I’m assuming she suffers from those things as well and maybe takes meds

-Alternatively, she realizes that she probably should take meds after spending some time with the Schmidts and attending therapy

-Btw can we maybe see some therapy sessions like we saw with Game!Vanessa on those CDs next movie or maybe novelisation? They all need it but, you know- (I’ll leave that as a suggestion for a Movie!Vanessa fic)

[shoepolishpolice]

SIX OF CROWS SPIN-OFF PREDICTIONS

Part 1

I have thought this through and you know what..I think we can all get what we want. I’m going to breakdown how they can work with the storyline they’ve made and give justice to the crows.

(This is my jumbled non stop thoughts btw I’m not referring to the books really so I expect I’ll miss a few things)

To start here’s some basics:

• We won’t be seeing Per Haskell again, the Dregs and Crow club belong to Kaz and in the new season I expect we will see a much younger crew including Kesh and Anika compared to the random old dudes Kaz beat up in s2. Also the Crow and the Cup tattoos.

• There will be a much bigger focus on family and particularly parents - every single crow has major shit w parents. I think something that is never given much thought even in the books is how young children are taken from the family’s to train as grisha and they don’t return- this happened to nina and it really wasn’t discussed much and should be.

• The eight episodes have actually already been written and we know there is an Inej centric episode and a Wylan one too. I expect Inej’s episode will be a standout as we’ve seen pretty much nothing about her past- definitely the hardest to watch but one that very much deserves telling and Amita is an incredible actress and I completely trust her w Inej

• We’ve already had an article saying sab3 is king of scars based plus the new Alina and mal!sturmhond story but the soc story would happen simultaneously. There’s a chance the last scene we see is s2 actually happens after the crows have already been to the ice court and they call for Nikolai around this time- meaning it can be dealt w before having Alina exposed to Parem which I don’t care for and they said they waited for the story as they didn’t want the darkling to use it

• also people seem to think inej is not coming back- obviously she is. Pretty sure they r sending her away to get a taste of what she could do and will return w a sense of purpose and revenge - I’ll explain why later. Also the writers have said she only goes for a few weeks so it’s cool

• we will see a lot of flashbacks for each crow- we’ve seen about two mins worth of Kaz’s and I want them to explore his rise through the barrel as a kid and show his life in lij to prove truly how cruel the world was to him. Obviously Wylan’s past is a major focus of this story but I expect we will get that in a Crooked Kingdom based series two which is also thr first time we got a wylan pov chapter. Hopefully we will get to see more of Jespers childhood but again probably a bigger focus for later when colm arrives. As for Matthias I hope we see how he was raised in a militant, angry cultish way after the death of his family. I don’t expect we will get much on nina but I hope we do as i always felt we missed out slightly on the effects of her past. And ofcourse Inej who I hope they take the most care with in their retelling.

Now getting the plot back on track is actual quite simple and people r freaking out for no reason.. so here it is

I expect the show will start w Kaz agreeing to Van Ecks offer w all that came along in his first book chapter and a longer version of the crows last scenes w just saw in s2

Next inej will return - kaz will call for her but I think what will also bring her back is the return of Tante Heleen. We didn’t see a body and we know pekka ‘killed’ her to frame kaz so who’s to say he bothered killing her and just paid her off but now serves as his way out of hellgate

With Tante Heleen alive, pekka is no longer guilty of murder and will be released from Hellgate. This is potentially how pekka and Van Eck connect- pekka will want retribution for wrongly being imprisoned and will receive a lot of money from the merchant council as compensation

This will set off kaz and inej and THIS will now be the CK ending where we get full closure with their pasts. The books kept Heleen and pekka alive so I think the show will see it through to the end. People felt we got Kaz’s revenge too soon so I expect them to find an even bigger, badder and more horrific way to fuck them over

The kanej reunion upon Inej’s return from sea is going to set the tone. Either kaz has begun to make progress in her absence or he’s closed himself off tenfold

Now helnik is pretty much unchanged, their scenes were basically word for word in s1 and I think it can carry on for soc. They’re most likely to be the most book accurate ship now and i hope there will be a lot more emotional depth and background to Matthias who I think is completely underrated and overlooked. He has an incredibly big character arc and I think we will see a lot more of what is costs him

So they break Matthias out of Hellgate most likely in a very similar way to the books.

Now we get the Wylan identity reveal. Wesper is already established so it’s going to be an even bigger shock. However I think jespers gambling addiction will have gotten a lot worse in a very short space of time and this has already been causing a problem + I think they gleamed over him coming to terms w being grisha too fast so they will back track a bit when Colm gets involved which reminds Jesper why he hid for so long

Now I think we could get the ck last chapter here w inej threatening pekka and Alby before they depart. However it will backfire a bit. He will actually get spurred on to take down kaz and he’ll realise there’s something between kaz and inej. He can team up w heleen and use it against them

Now the next part can actually carry on faithfully to the books - if Jesper is back in debt his slip up will get back to pekka and result in the harbour ambush and Kaz’s distrust of Jesper. Also perhaps they use the hummingbird rather than the ferolind

Notorious kaz boyfriend of ripping eyes out will ensue

Now here’s something new. Kaz won’t stay away from inej now, it would completely eradicate everything that just happened in s2. So I expect we will get another bandage scene here or simply see kaz watching over inej as she heals

Now this is where I think the inej episode will fit (within the first 4 eps) it will delve into her past in ravka, her abduction, time at the menagerie and meeting kaz/being trained by him (that last one may happen throughout the series tho and perhaps more from Kaz’s perspective like in the books). And here’s where we see what inej has been doing whilst away briefly and how she felt bringing down slavers and her new purpose to track down those who hurt her and take down heleen

Now pretty much everything from this point onwards to the end of the Six of Crows books can remain the same. The differences are: established wesper, most likely pekka isn’t hired for this job, a more open kanej and a slightly more powerful kaz as a baby barrel boss

I’m not going to re explain the story here as they have used very little SOC plot so far

They have done a version of the prison wagon scene but I think they will do the book one too as inej will be there, kaz faints this time and ultimately it’s worse then the s2 one (which made me feel physically sick for kaz all within the first 15 mins of the show)

That’s the end of part 1! I’m feeling very positive thinking of all this. You stay for the characters in soc they are so wonderfully different and clever, a story of these kids who are expected of nothing but achieve everything. I expect the series will have a rather different tone compared to Sab and will truly show the significance of these six characters finding each other.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Just thinking about the universe and catalysts and paths diverging so you can learn and grow before merging again!

Eddie got buried under 40feet of mud and had to take a different route to get back to the surface (even ground)- he was buried under his trauma and couldn’t get out by going back the way he came so he had to forge a new path. Which we then saw him do through seasons 4 and 5.

Then there’s Buck climbing that crane after Eddie got shot but metaphorically speaking, he never came back down. The idea of detachment from the world - you can still see it and you’re still part of it, but you’re not actively participating in it (Which is also a metaphor for donor not dad!). It connects in really interestingly with touch points of Bucks storyline since the well - his searching for something (a way down) while we keep seeing scenes happening involving height/ high things - the train rescue, then he met Abby on a hill overlooking the city (the same metaphor)blimps, walkways collapsing, the fact we’ve been out on bucks balcony a few times even the fact we’ve seen the firefam up on the roof of the firehouse!

It’s so interesting how the two arcs are paralleling each other and counterbalancing each other at key points - starting from the well. It’s the same trigger points for them both and how Buck tried to dig to get to Eddie but couldn’t because Eddie needed to find his own way back to the ground, and how Eddie is going to try to get to Buck but won’t be able to, because Buck needs to find his own way down (by this I mean separate from Eddie as if he’s in a coma he won’t be getting down on his own in the literal sense!)

It also therefore stands to reason that the flashbacks (or coma dream for Buck) will counter balance each other as well. Eddie’s flashbacks showed him his family - the one he was building and made him realise that Buck is a central part of that and I would argue, allowed him to recognise and accept that Shannon, whilst an important relationship in his life and someone he loved, was also toxic for him and that he could put that part of his life to rest. Bucks coma dream will conversely (most likely as we don’t actually know at this point) show him what life would be like without Eddie and Chris in it (fully expecting 6x11 to be an Eddie free episode because his absence is more telling and important then his presence!) and how what he thinks he wants and what he actually wants (and is already on his way to getting) are two different things - that the fantasy childhood he’s been dreaming of wouldn’t necessarily lead him to a happy adult life - that what he has fought to build is far better.

The universe is taking matters into its own hands to get him down - it might have been happy to let Eddie take a longer route to get back to the ground, because Eddie was making progress but Buck has been stuck in the air ultimately in stasis so it’s going to be a quicker route to the ground as it just shocks (literally and metaphorically) him into action and to getting back to the ground.

We’re so close to them both being in the same place at the same time that I’m vibrating at the epic story unfolding

[project-sekai-facts]

HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW LEAKS im crying and throwing up do you think wxs is going to disband what is happening :((((

I’m writing this the day leaks came out but scheduling it to post the day the preview drops. Sorry about the delay in answering.

(Also I won’t talk about any cards outside Emu’s untrained because they don't drop until tomorrow)

First: the title. Our Happy Ending.

I get why this is starting a panic in the fandom especially since the disbanding thing has been teased for a while and we know endings for every unit have been written in advance,

BUT

Emu’s grandad. We know parts of this event will be flashbacks to Emu’s childhood and times with her grandad. And he’s dead. I think the happy ending refers to his passing. Like I would not be surprised if the flashbacks are to him dying and the promise Emu made with him to smile which is shown in Smile of Dreamer. They did it with Nagi which means it’s on the table.

Second. Rui’s idea.

Rui had never had close friends until WxS came along. As curtain call and events since then indicate, he doesn’t want to leave them. I’ve done a few posts on this before and the truth is that he can’t stay with them forever, all of them want different things, and change is natural. I know Pandemonium just gave him some new friends at school but it would feel a bit... Wrong, I guess if they just suddenly snatched WxS away from him following chapter 8 of that event. Also they’re still in school why would the disband when they’re still together unless the writers pull a scholarship for Tsukasa out their asses but it’s been established that he’s behind other actors his age, so if anyone’s getting a scholarship it’s Sakurako. Rui getting one is pretty much off the table as well since he already turned down the offer from Asahi, so after realising that he wants to stay with wxs for as long as possible I think he'd turn down any other offers.

Third. The summary.

Is WxS disbanding.

No.

As I just said, they’re still in school together so there’s literally no reason to have them split unless one of them is forcibly dragged away. One of them needs to be on the anniversary banner and as I posted a few days ago it’s quite likely that the banner will be for Nene. Also they need a vsinger on the vsinger event they’re not getting written out of the story just yet. And Emu needs another birthday card and a mixed event which won’t be until at least October unless she gets back to back events for some reason. Nene will need a mixed event if she doesn't get the anniversary one. Oh and Rui and Tsukasa need their 4th unit events.

Here’s my personal theory for this event and spoilers for a ten year old anime I’m gonna talk about Love Live again (pretty sure I said this already before but oh well). So towards the end of the second season of that anime, the third years get close to graduating and muse have to decide if they want to continue without the third years or end the group there. They ultimately decide to disband once the third years leave because it wouldn’t be the same without them and then they cry about it and basically I think that’s probably what’s gonna happen. They know they can’t stay together but they’ve got a year left and they’re gonna enjoy it. As I said already I think all this stuff about endings and saying goodbye probably refers to Emu grieving her grandfather.

Also Asahi said he’d be back to offer Rui a job again once he’s done with high school isn’t that confirmation enough that we’ve got three years to go?

Also if it was the final wxs event you’d think they’d. Y’know. Mention it. In advance.

[lovergiirlsblog]

Deep end part 2

Summary: What has Y/N decided about her future with Mason? Is she giving him up or is she finally embracing her fate and taking her life back?

Author’s note:

• Please read the first part before reading this one so it can make sense.

• A new character will make an appearance in this part! Hope you like her as much as I did.

Flashback :

“Shall we grab some donuts after this ?”

I was on top of a ladder painting one of the walls of our brand new home with the help of Mason. We could’ve hired a painter but we wanted to test our painting abilities and have fun at the same time. This new house means a lot to me because it was the first house that I designed as an architect.

He looked from my paint-stained overalls to his and laughed

“I dare you to go out like this” I climbed down and put the rollers back in the the paint bucket. “Challenge accepted! But first I have an idea. Follow me!” He put his rollers on the floor and followed me to the other empty room that we’ve already painted yesterday. I grabbed a red paint and took off my gloves to dip my hands in the liquid then print it on the wall. “No way !” He covered his wide open mouth with one hand ”Oh c’mon Y/N what was that for? My arms are still sore from yesterday ” I turned my head, hands still stuck on the wall and smiled” From now on, this will be our art room. We can try and paint actual paintings next. How does that sound ?” I can see him from the corner of my eyes kneeling in front of the bucket to do the same.

“That’s a great idea actually!” He smirked,putting his arms on either sides of my head to print his hands right next to mine.

••••

“Are you kidding me ?! Everyone played “knock-a-door-run.” in their childhood. What a disgrace !” he stood rooted to the ground,eyes wide open.

I shrugged,licking my finger after throwing the donut box in a bin. “I already regret it okay ? I was just a mature kid who didn’t want to do illegal stuff”.

Both of my parents were lawyers so I obviously had a slight idea on the field from a young age.

“Come on we’re gonna make you relive your childhood.” He dragged me towards a house on the street after looking left and right to see if someone is watching us.

“Are you insane ? I’ve already told you it’s illegal”

“No one will catch us if we ran fast. Come on, go. I’ll count to three okay ? On three you knock and run as fast as you can.”

“Not everyone you know is a footballer Sir ! I haven’t ran in ages.” I tried to convince his stubborn ass but of course I ended up on the door.

“Ready ?”

“No! ” I hissed

“One.. two.. three go !”

At that moment, i felt like I was a seven year who’s about to sneak out for the first time to play in the park behind their parents back.

I took a deep breath,looked back at Mason who gave me a reassuring nod and pressed the door bell.

“Run, Y/N, run!” he screamed and started jogging like he was in the champions league final.

I broke into a sweat and my heart was threatening to burst forth from my ribcage. I, myself,was surprised by the way I ran at that moment. We thought we got away with it until a voice shouted

“Hey, you two!” We froze and glanced at each other.

“Oh,shit” he mumbled,closing his eyes. He was already turning red.“

”If I go to jail at 21, it’s on you Mount !” I swallowed hard and my heart began to hammer against my chest as we turned around faking a smile.

An elderly woman was waiting for us in front of her door, arms crossed and an unpleasant look on her face. We walked to where she stood tilting our heads down, ready to apologise.

“You’re 20 minutes late” she looked at her watch and rolled her eyes. I hadn’t noticed the goosebumps creeping on my arms until now. I frowned my eyebrows and looked at Mason to see that he was just as confused as I was.

“This is so unprofessional,honestly!” She shook her head” Anyway, come in. Your tools should be upstairs”

I opened my mouth and closed it. Tools ? What’s going on ? I looked down at my overalls and it hit me.

“Oh! She thinks we’re painters Mase !” I mumbled to Mason who was trying hard not to laugh.

“I guess if we don’t want to get arrested we have to paint her house”

Three hours have passed and we finally finished painting. We went downstairs to find the lady who’s named Anne watching TV.

“Oh you’re done ?” She said,getting up from the couch. Anne looks more relaxed now. “Umm, yeah” We stood in front of her with our arms crossed behind our backs. After a long discussion,Mason and I decided to confess the truth.“Can we tell you the naked truth ?” We said at the same time when she gave us cups of tea

” We aren’t painters but don’t worry your walls are perfectly painted” We confessed,avoiding looking her in the eye. We were like kids who broke the living room’s vase and now it’s time for them to tell the truth.She hasn’t pronounced a word which worried me even more. “We were playing Knock-on-a-door-run but it was my idea. Y/N has nothing to do with it.” Mason added once the silence filled the room.

She smirked and took a sip from her cup “ Can I also tell you the naked truth ? I know you’re not painters, I didn’t even hire a painter. I’ve heard your whole conversation from my window before knocking on the door. So I thought it would be cool if we had some fun.”

End of flashback:

“Are you fucked in the head ?” Anne gasped and covered her mouth with her hands” What do you mean you’re getting a divorce ?”

I smiled awkwardly at the people who were giving us dirty looks.“Annie,could you please lower your voice?” I whispered faking a smile.

Since the “knock-on-a-door” accident, both Mason and I have become closer to Anne. Mason invited her to one of the games at the bridge once to make up for his mistake. And from then,we started visiting her regularly to check up on her since she lives alone.

If there was something I learnt about Anne is that she can’t control her mouth when she gets mad or surprised.

We were sitting on a bench in the park. For some reason,she was the only person that I wanted to tell about the divorce.

“Oh good lord ! Why ?I’m going to lose my mind! Is this the same , full of life, couple that knocked on my door four years ago.”

It has been three weeks since I left. No one knows where I went except Anne who insisted that I stay at hers until I feel better. Mason, hasn’t texted or called me at all, for three weeks. Isn’t space what I wanted ? Why does it hurt like hell then ? I sometimes watch his games, he looks so much healthier now and he’s back to his old playing level. A part of me rejoiced to see him smiling again. I wish I could say that him,being happy without me, didn’t make my heart feel heavy but no,it shattered me. It felt like someone stabbed me right in the chest.

“He looked better off without me. He’s getting used to my absence” My own words broke me even more. Anne held my hand in hers when she noticed that I was on the verge of crying” I have to do this. I love him, I always will. But I have to let him go. He can hate me but It won’t matter as long as he gets back on his feet and find happiness again.”

“How do you know if he’s really happy ? Everyone can fake a laugh in public. Would you be happy if it was all the other way round ?”

I shook my head and sighed “ he hasn’t even texted me, for three whole weeks. Yes I asked for space but it would have helped a lot if I knew that he had my back when times got rough.” I always hated crying in front of people but once the first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream.

“He respects your personal space Y/N! He loves you more than you think he does. I promise” she opened her mouth to say something else but she closed it again.

“I made up my mind. It’s better off this way Anne. I don’t want to live without him but he needs to get better. He can’t be happy with a woman like me”

“Oh my dear child, come here”she wrapped her arms around me and ran her hands through my hair.

In the past few weeks, I have been barely eating a thing. Every time I try and force myself to eat,I end up throwing everything up. I can’t even look in the mirror anymore, I no longer like my reflection. I look as pale as a ghost and I’ve lost a lot of weight.

I wish life wasn’t cruel. I wish I didn’t have to let the only person that I love from the bottom of my heart go. I wish I was worthy. It sets my heart on fire,whenever I think of him gleeful with someone else I can’t lie. But I’m done being selfish.

"If you love somebody,let them go" that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I just hope that if there will be a next one, she loves him the same.

« I haven’t talked to anyone about this but I guess I have to now. Chris,my dead husband was infertile. Everyone was always asking us about kids and I know how it made him feel » She wiped a tear « He once asked me if I wanted a divorce. I obviously wanted kids but if I had to choose between him and a kid, I would blindly choose him. Seeing him,down in dumps broke me. Your situation reminded me of ours because he left me thinking that I can be happier without him and find love again. But guess what ? I haven’t stopped loving for a second.And the pain that I felt because of the infertility wasn’t comparable with the one that I felt when he left me. We met after 5 years, 5 whole years of distance and agony. He asked if I had been with someone else and wanted to get back together. A year after, a miracle happened, now we weren’t trying to have a baby but I somehow ended up pregnant. What I want to say Y/N is good things happen to those who aren’t expecting them. Enjoy your life with the man you love and if you’re meant to have a bundle of joy, you will all in good time. Do you think Mason deserves to be punished for something that isn’t his fault ? No don’t tell me he’ll be happy without you because that’s a lie I can promise you that. One day one of you is going to leave this World first. I’m not telling you this to scare you in fact I’m telling you to enjoy life before it’s too late. Every minute matters. God you’re worried because he didn’t text you but he comes every single night after you take the sleeping pills just to watch you at ease. I don’t care if you get mad because I told him you’re staying with me. He deserved to know,the guy was worried sick. He loves you more than anything Y/N. Don’t let him go! »

My vision became blurry from the tears that constellated in my eyes. I God she’s so right. I miss the old us. I miss behaving like kids in the streets. I miss talking about everything and nothing on the rooftop. I miss supporting him at the stadium. It’s time for me to take my life back. It’s time for Mason to be happy WITH me, again.

« Thank you Anne! You have no idea how much you helped me! » I pressed my hands into her back « I gotta go now. Love you ! »

« Wait! Where are you going? » She said once I jogged towards my car. I opened the door and shouted « I’m going to fix what I’ve broken ».

I swear I never drove home so fast in my whole life. On the way home, I played songs for the first time after months now and I sang from the bottom of my heart and danced like a crazy.

I parked my car and ran inside the house.

« Mason ? »

I searched for him downstairs but there was no response so I speeded upstairs « Mason ? » I passed by the art room and noticed something. My eyes wandered from our hands prints to a canvas board on the easel on which a face that looks a bit like mine was painted. My heart was about to explode as I ran my fingers on the painting. He remembers…

From Annie:

You left before I tell you that Mason is in Portugal ! IT’S THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL!

To Annie:

OH MY GOD ! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! GOTTA BOOK A FLIGHT RIGHT NOW!

•••

Why do I feel nervous now that I’m at the stadium and waiting for the game to start? I took a sip from my water bottle and wrapped my arms around myself.

The game started and Mason hasn’t realised yet that I was there. My feet were bouncing on the ground.

Another corner kick for Chelsea and now it’s Mason’s turn to take it. Once he walked to the corner he noticed me. He blinked twice and frowned his eyebrows not believing what he saw. I smiled big and mouthed a « Good luck baby! » causing him to shake his head and put the ball on the ground.

Before the end of the first half Kai scored a goal and I found myself screaming so hard and hugging people I don’t even know. There was only 10 minutes left and Mason was brought out of the pitch. I can see him biting his nails and watching the game anxiously.

Mason’s stress level at that moment: Me, four years ago, trying to knock on Anne’s door and run away.

The final whistle was finally blown and players jogged into the pitch to celebrate together. I bursted into tears of joy and grabbed my phone to film Mason on his happy day. I can’t believe that I almost missed this crucial day!

After lifting the trophy, Mason ran to where I was seated and helped me jump into the pitch. I couldn’t wait any longer to jump into his embrace and wrap my legs around his waist « I’m so sorry and I’m incredibly proud of you ! » He smirked and put me down,his arm curled around my waist and pulled me for a hesitant and tender kiss. God I missed this! Our lips were exploring each other for the first time again. I can feel the butterflies in my stomach again. I rested my hands on his shoulders as I felt him grinning against my lips. I opened my eyes when he broke the kiss,pulled me and started running « Come on let’s take a picture with the trophy! ».

Mason didn’t want to leave my side even after the boys went to the dressing room to continue celebrating. He didn’t even want to let go of my hand.

« A little bird told me that you were stalking me in my sleep » I said once we were sat alone on the pitch’s grass. « Oh ! She can’t betray me like that ! » he covered his face with his hands and crinkles formed around his eyes as he laughed. The sound of his laughter was like music to my ears. A music that I almost forgot. His eyes were sparkling from the joy and pride of that memorable day.

« I’m deeply sorry Mason for everything  » I muttered and squeezed his hand. He kissed my temple as a response. « I’m sorry too. But since it’s over now let’s not talk about it. I’m glad to have you back. Can you believe I won two trophies today ? » I chuckled and gently push him « Go and have fun with the boys, idiot! » he tried to argue but I stopped him « No no I don’t want to hear a thing. Go! I’ll be here with Sofia. I promise I’m not going anywhere this time. Don’t get too drunk though ! »

He hesitantly got to his feet and walked towards the changing room after shouting an «  i love you ».

My heart leapt up with joy and blood rushed into my cheeks.Had I ever been happier in life ?

••••

A year later:

Mason and I have adopted a cat. We call her “Chelsea” it doesn’t take a genius to know who came up with the name. Whenever people ask us about children we say that we have a daughter called Chelsea and she’s about to give birth. We love to confuse people who want to stick their nose into our business. Our relationship has never been this good.Whenever I feel emotional, which is rare, i always pour my heart out to him and he never hesitates to hold me close and let me cry on his shoulder.

Life is beautiful, yes it might have its ups and downs but we should never forget to appreciate the things the we have and take care of them. When we take care of things, they last. We need to focus on things that we have, not the things that we wish we had. I had to learn this the hard way but thank god I did!

Taglist :

@faatxma @luvdoves-world @oriellefleure